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~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Sunnydale Mall. The low camera angle shows the legs of the people walking past the shops on the ground floor. The camera pans up past a cowboy and his girlfriend to the second floor and over the railing where Buffy and her mother are walking along. Joyce has a shopping bag in each hand, and Buffy has on a small backpack. Buffy: Come on, Mom, please? Joyce: I'm sorry, honey. Buffy: Don't you understand how important this is? Joyce: It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy. Buffy: But I looked good in it. Joyce: You looked like a streetwalker. Buffy: But a thin streetwalker. (gets a look from her mom) That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it? Joyce: You're just too young to wear that. Buffy: Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it. Joyce: That's the idea. (stops and looks around) The stores are closing, and I still need to order the flyers for the opening. (considers, then puts both bags in one hand) Okay. I'll go to the printers and then get our food, (pulls out a slip of paper) you go to the tailor and pick up my outfit from Everyday Woman. (hands Buffy the slip of paper) Buffy: (looks at the paper) Everyday Woman? Joyce: Mm-hm. There's the receipt. Buffy: Why didn't you just go to Muu-Muus R Us? Joyce: Do now, make fun of your mother later. (walks off) Buffy reluctantly starts for the tailors. Cut to the escalators. Buffy gets on to go to the ground floor. She looks around idly as she descends. She sees the cowboy and his girlfriend come up the other escalator. She keeps looking around, and then notices that the cowboy's reflection is missing from the mirrors that line the escalator corridor. She looks back at the couple, and he is indeed there. Immediately she turns and runs back up the escalator, weaving between the people coming down on it behind her. Cut to the walkway. The cowboy and the girl go around a corner. Buffy walks quickly to catch up. Cut to a back hallway. Buffy slowly walks past a bank of payphones by the restrooms and looks around for them, apparently having lost them. She continues down the hall and hears a pinball machine. Reaching the rear door of the arcade she sees that the metal gate has been bent and forced open. She quietly squeezes by the gate and goes in. The place is deserted and quiet except for the sound of the one machine. She walks around one side of a bank of game machines while the camera pans along the other. Lyle: Turn around, baby, I have somethin' to show ya. Girl: Wait a sec. This is my high score. The camera reaches them. The girl is hammering away at the flipper controls. The cowboy takes off his hat and comes up behind the girl. He takes her hair and sweeps it away from her neck. He's vamped out. Lyle: Well, ain't you just got the prettiest little neck I ever did see. He moves in for the bite, but is interrupted by Buffy. Buffy: Boy, you guys really never come up with any new lines, do you? The two of them look over at Buffy, annoyed. Girl: Do you mind? We were talking here. Buffy: (stares down the vampire) But you promised you'd never cheat on me again, honey. Girl: (pulls her bag onto her arm) Um, I better go. Lyle: But I ain't done yet. She turns to look at him and gasps in fear when she sees his face. She runs from the arcade. The vampire looks back at Buffy. Lyle: Alright, sugar lips. (puts on his hat and faces off with her) Giddy-up! He throws a punch at Buffy, but she blocks it and punches him in the face and the crotch. He grabs his groin, and Buffy shoves him into another pinball machine. He looks up at her and gives her an evil smile. Lyle: Well, you're a rough one, ain't cha! I like that! He comes at her again with a swing, which she readily blocks it. He swings again, and she ducks the blow. He grabs her by the arms and throws her into a pinball machine. The plate glass on the top and back panel shatter as she lands on it hard. The cowboy rushes over and grabs her by the straps of her backpack. Lyle: You must be that Slayer I've been hearin' so much about. Lyle Gorch. Pleased to meet cha! Buffy gets her leg between them and kicks him off of her. He staggers into another machine. Buffy: Pleasure's mine! She leaps off of the machine at him, and he ducks and rolls out of the way. She spins around to face him and has a stake in her hand, up and ready. Lyle rolls up to his feet, grabbing his hat in midair along the way, and puts it back on. He points at her. Lyle: This ain't over! He spins around and hightails it out of there. Buffy: Oh, sure. They *say* they'll call. Cut to the food court. Buffy comes walking in and spots her mom at a table with their food, waiting for her. Joyce stares at the food, looking bored and watching it get cold. She looks up as Buffy arrives. Buffy: Oh, bliss. (sits) Mall food. (looks up) Joyce: Buffy? Buffy: (attentive) Mom? Joyce: Where's my dress? Buffy: (confused) Your dr...? Oh. (winces) Oh, God. Joyce: Let me guess: you were distracted by a boy. Buffy: (cringes) Technically. Joyce: (leans back) Buffy... Buffy: (exhales) Look, I-I can go get it right now. Joyce: They're closed. I'll just have to fit it in tomorrow. Buffy: Sorry. Joyce: (sternly) A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes? Buffy: Saving the world from vampires? Joyce: (crosses her arms and shakes her head) I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head. Buffy just looks back at her. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The utility closet at Sunnydale High. The light is off. Xander and Cordelia are sucking some serious face. Cordelia: Xander? (continues kissing) Xander: Shhh-sh-sh. (continues kissing) Cordelia: It's just that (kiss) I'm worried we're gonna miss class. (continues kissing) He reaches up for the light string and yanks it to turn it on. They step back a bit from each other. Xander: You know what? This would work a lot better for me if you didn't talk. Cordelia: Well, it'd work a lot better for me with the lights off. She grabs the string and yanks it. She puts her arms around him again and starts to kiss him, but Xander doesn't kiss back. He yanks the string again and the light comes back on. They step away from each other again. Xander: Are you saying that you can't look at me when we do... whatever it is we do? Cordelia: No, it's not that I can't, it's just more... I don't want to. Xander: That's great! That's just dandy! We're repulsed by each other, we, (indicates the door) we hide from our friends... Cordelia: Well, I should hope so! Please! Xander: (nods) All in all this is not what I'd call a big self-esteem booster. Cordelia: Tell me about it! (looks him over) Just look at you! And those clothes. Where did you get those shoes?! Xander: Okay, you know what? I don't need this. Cordelia: Ditto! Like a hole in the head! They both reach for the doorknob, and their hands meet there. They hesitate a moment, and then wrap their arms around each other again and kiss even more passionately. Xander cradles her head in his hand as they slowly sink to the floor. He reaches up for the string and gives it a good yank. Cut to teen health class. The instructor is writing 'SEX' on the board. Mr. Whitmore: S-E-X. Sex. (faces the class) The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings? Xander: Yes! (raises his hand and nods) Mm-hm. Willow gives him a concerned look. Mr. Whitmore: That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll. Several students giggle. Xander lowers his hand. Xander: Oh. Cordelia looks away from him and stares down at her book. Mr. Whitmore: Of course, for teenagers such as yourselves these feelings are even more overwhelming. With all sorts of hormones surging... Willow is clearly nervous, and looks back and forth between Xander and giving her attention to the teacher. Mr. Whitmore: ...through your bodies, compelling you to action, it's often difficult to remember that there *are* negative consequences to, uh, having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence? Cordelia raises her hand, and Mr. Whitmore indicates to her, giving her the floor. Cordelia: Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex *in* the car or *out* of the car? (Mr. Whitmore looks confused) Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miata at, parked at the top of the hill, and then she kicked the gearshift, and, and... Mr. Whitmore: (interrupts) Yeah, I, I was thinking of something a little more commonplace, Ms. Chase. Xander raises his hand, and Mr. Whitmore indicates to him. Willow stares at him. Xander: You wanna talk negative consequence? What about the heartbreak of halitosis? (Cordelia looks at him and he looks back) I mean, a girl may seem spiffy, but if she ignores her flossing the bloom is definitely off the rose. Cordelia immediately raises her hand again. Mr. Whitmore exhales and gives her permission to speak again. Cordelia: Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the Hoover technique is a *big* turn-on. Willow looks back and forth between the two of them, very confused. The exchange begins to draw muffled comments from among the other students. Xander: What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chit- chat just so you can get some touch? Cordelia is incensed. Mr. Whitmore: Now. Another consequence of sexual activity? Anyone? Cordelia raises her hand again. Mr. Whitmore: Uh, else? Willow raises her hand. He indicates that she should speak. Willow: How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right? Mr. Whitmore: Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg! (Willow smiles smugly) Among teens unwanted pregnancy is the number one negative consequence of sexual activity. So, as discussed last week, I present you with... (takes a sheet off of two trays of eggs) ...your offspring. (Willow smiles) You will split into parenting teams. You and your partner will share equally in the daily task of raising (indicates the trays) your egg. (takes a tray to distribute) Now, please choose a partner and come pick up your children. Willow waves at Xander, but he ignores her and gets up to go over to Cordelia. She sees him coming and immediately grabs the shirtsleeve of the boy sitting across from her to get his attention. Cordelia: You wanna have a baby? Xander is disappointed. He sees another girl walk up to the second tray of eggs still on the teacher's desk and approaches her. Xander: Hey. (chuckles) I know we just met, but isn't that Xander Jr. you're holding? The girl giggles and smiles and turns around to walk away. Xander gives Cordelia another glance, then follows the other girl. Cut to the library. Buffy walks over to the card catalog, pulls out a drawer and begins going through the cards. Giles is in the cage behind her. Xander opens the door for Willow and they come on. Willow: Buffy! How come you weren't in class? Buffy: Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy? Xander: I think the word you're searching for is 'absent'. Willow: Tardy people show. Buffy: Right. Willow: And, yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. (hands her an egg) Buffy: (rolls the egg around in her hands) As far as punishments go this is fairly abstract. Willow: No, it's your baby! (smiles) Buffy: (confused) Okay, I get it even less. Xander: Well, you know, it's the whole 'sex leads to responsibility' thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values. Willow: (looks at Xander) My egg is Jewish. Xander: Then teach it that Dreidel song. Willow smiles at that. Buffy: I can't do this! I can't take care of things! I k*lled my Giga Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke. She sets the egg down on top of the catalog, moans and quickly walks over to a book re-shelving cart. Willow: You'll do fine! Xander: Yeah, the only thing that stresses me is when do we tell them that they're adopted? Buffy: I'll just lay that one off on my partner. (looks up, worried) Who'd I get? Willow: Well, there were an uneven number of students, and you didn't show, so... Buffy: (in shocked disbelief) I'm a single mother? Xander: (nods) No man of her own. Buffy: Do you know what this says about me? That I am doomed to lead my mother's life! (paces back to them) How deeply scary is that? Xander: How 'bout this: it says nothing, it means nothing, this whole egg experiment thing is completely pointless! Giles: (in the cage) Success! (comes out with a book) At last. Your playmate is a fellow of repute, it seems. He moves to set the book on top of Buffy's egg. She inhales in fright and quickly snatches it away. Willow and Xander look on in wide-eyed surprise. Giles points out a picture in the book. Giles: That's, um, Lyle Gorch, and that one's his brother, Tector. They're from Abilene. They, uh, they made their reputation by massacring an entire Mexican village in 1886. (takes off his glasses to clean them) Buffy: Friendly little demons. Giles: That was before they became vampires. She raises her eyebrows at Giles. Willow and Xander exchange a look. Giles: B-but, um, the good news is that they're... not amongst the great thinkers of our times. I doubt if they're up to much. They're probably just drawn here by the, uh, Hellmouth's energy. (puts his glasses back on) Xander: 'Nuff said! I propose Buffy slays 'em. All in favor? (raises his hand) Willow: (raises her hand) Aye! Giles: I-I don't think you should underestimate them. I mean, y-you may need to have some help if, if, if, if... (notices the eggs) Why do you all have eggs? Willow: (smiles) Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches. Giles: (still confused) Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers. Xander: Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in *that* scenario. Buffy: Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up! Cut to the park. Angel and Buffy are locked in a passionate kiss. Buffy breaks off. Buffy: I really... Angel: I know. They continue kissing. After a few seconds Buffy breaks off again. Buffy: You know, this isn't hunting in the classical sense. We should... Angel: You're right. They kiss some more. A few moments later they break off again. Angel: Okay. Buffy: Okay. (kiss) Okay. They walk side by side for a few paces. Buffy: You see anything? Angel: No. Buffy: Okay. (faces him) Enough hunting. They begin their passionate kissing with renewed vigor. The camera pans away from them over to a wall among the trees. The Gorch brothers are crouched on top, watching them. Tector: That the Slayer? Lyle: Yep. Tector: Ain't that Angelus with her? Lyle: Yep. Tector: Well, how come she ain't slayin'? And how come he's about to make me blush? Lyle: Well, I don't know, Tector. And how come you's always askin' me so many stupid questions? Tector: So, you wanna take him, or, uh, you want me to, Lyle? Lyle: I say we leave it. Wait till she's alone. Tector: Why? You scared? Lyle: Nope. I could whip 'em both right now if I wanted to. Tector: Then why don't ya? Lyle: (looks at Tector) 'Cause I got me a plan. I'm the one that does the thinkin', 'member? Tector: Yeah. You do the thinkin', Lyle. That is definitely your department. So why don't you tell me again why we can't k*ll 'em now? Fade to black. Cut to Buffy's room. She walks in and over to her bed. Buffy: Okay, little egg dude. (sits and opens her egg diary) Let's see. (reads) Feeding? Check. (marks) Burping? Eeeew... Check (marks) Diapers (looks at the egg's basket) Sort of, in theory, I guess. (marks) She puts the pen in the binder coil. Buffy: Okay. She sets the notepad down and crawls under the covers. She yawns and looks at her egg in its basket on her nightstand. Buffy: Good night, Eggbert. She taps her egg gently and then reaches up to turn off the light. She pulls up the covers and settles in to sleep. Cut outside the house later that night. Cut to Buffy's room. The camera pans across her stuffed animals arranged on one side of her bed, past her and over to the egg. The clock reads 2:03am. The egg is rocking back and forth. The camera closes in on it. A small hole has almost been chipped out. The plug breaks open, and a long, thin tentacle begins to make its way out. It angles over towards Buffy and branches out into several fingers as it makes its way over to her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy's room at night. The tentacle continues over to Buffy. One of its fingers goes into her ear. Another one lays itself across her left eye. A third one covers her right eye. Another goes around her neck and presumably into her other ear. Cut to a view of her with the egg in the foreground. The tentacles are now just lying on her face. The focus of the camera goes off of Buffy and onto the egg in its basket. Cut to the sewers the next morning. The Gorch brothers are relaxing and waiting out the sunlight that is visible at the end of the tunnel. Tector is having breakfast. Lyle is lying back with his feet up and has his face covered with his hat. Tector: I'm tired of rat. How come we can't stay in a nice place? (puts the d*ad rat down) A motel or somethin'? Maybe, uh... Maybe one with an ice machine. Lyle: 'Cause we got to keep a low profile till we get this Slayer business taken care of. Tector: Well, how come Angelus is gettin' all cuddly with her, Lyle? I mean, does the man have no code? Lyle: (stirs) Tector... (leans up on his elbow) You gonna be pesterin' me with these questions all damn day? Tector: I just don't like it here. Ain't a decent whore in the whole city limits. Lyle: So, this is the thanks I get? (stands up) Well. Don't I take care of ya? Didn't I near raise ya myself? Hmm? Burden that you were, maybe I shoulda left you on that doorstep when Momma blew town. Tector: Don't say that, Lyle. Lyle: Now I'm takin' care of this. Tector: You afraid of the girl? Lyle: I'm just playin' it safe. We're just gonna follow her around a little while, find our time. 'Cause this ain't over. Tector: (smiles to himself) I think you *are* afraid of the Slayer. Lyle: (nods) Alright. I'm gonna b*at you like a redheaded stepchild. (points) Throw your ass out in that sunlight. C'mon. Tector: You think you can? Lyle: (goads him on) Giddy-up, son. He adjusts his hat and coat while he waits for Tector to stand up. Tector adjusts his hat, too, and smile at his brother. He rears back and takes the first swing, hitting Lyle squarely in the jaw. Lyle looks at his brother, nods and punches him hard in the face. Tector has to take a couple of steps backward to keep from losing his balance. Tector: (laughs) Oh, man! He comes back and punches Lyle in the gut. Lyle doubles over for an instant, then straightens up and gives Tector a wide smile. Lyle: Yippe-ki-yay, matey! He throws another punch at his brother. Cut to Buffy's room in the morning. The camera pans across her stuffed animals to her face. The egg's tentacle is gone. Her alarm goes off, and she wakes. She reaches out to h*t the snooze button. She runs her hand through her hair, sits up and moans. Buffy: Oh... Oh, God... She gets up out of bed. The hole in the eggshell has sealed itself. Cut to the kitchen. Joyce takes a sip of her coffee and sets the cup back down. She goes over to the toaster as Buffy comes in. Buffy sets her egg down on the island and walks around to where her mother was sitting. She takes the cup and sips the coffee as she sits down on the stool. Joyce brings the toast over to the island on a plate. Joyce: At least eat something if you're gonna drink that. Buffy: Not that hungry. Joyce breaks off a piece of toast and munches it. She indicates the egg. Joyce: How's the parenting going? Buffy: Fine. Joyce: Are you sure your egg is secure in that? Buffy: (looks up at her) Did I ask for backseat mommying? Joyce: (gives her a look) Are we a little touchy this morning? Buffy: No, I just feel all funky. Joyce: Hmm. (feels her forehead) You don't have a fever. Buffy: Oh, no, it's not that, I just... I didn't sleep well. Joyce: (bends down to her daughter) What's the matter? Your egg keep you up all night? Buffy: (gives her mom a look) You're k*lling me. Parenting's a pain! Joyce: (straightens up and smiles smugly) Wait till it starts dating. Buffy lets out an exasperated breath, picks up her egg and leaves. Cut to the library. Giles is returning some books to the shelves. He walks out from behind the stacks to see Xander, Willow and Buffy looking up at him from the bottom of the steps. Giles: Oh! Why are you three hanging about? Don't you have classes to go to? Willow: Teen health got canceled. Xander: Mr. Whitmore's out. Couldn't find an egg sitter or something. Buffy and Willow walk up a few steps. Giles: Well, then, can you give me a hand? Buffy and Willow: No. They sit down on the steps. Xander hops up the steps to the mezzanine level. Xander: Sure! (starts to shelve some books) Giles: How did the, um... hunt go last night, Buffy? Buffy: No go. Giles: Uh, 'no', 'no' you didn't go, or, or, or you were unsuccessful? Buffy: No Gorches. Xander: Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. (looks at her) You... Angel... big... smoochies? Buffy: Shut... up. Giles: I-it's true, Buffy, you and Willow do seem a little sluggish. Are you quite sure everything's alright? Buffy and Willow exchange a look. Willow: Maybe something we ate. Xander: Or perhaps it's the burden of parenthood. Notice how seriously you two have taken this egg thing. (the girls clutch their egg baskets) While I, in turn, have, uh, well, chosen a (takes his egg out of his shirt pocket) more balanced approach. (starts tossing it around) Willow: (concerned) Xander, maybe you shouldn't... Xander: (interrupts) That's exactly what I'm talking about. (tosses) You can't stress over every little thing! (tosses) A child picks up on that. Which is a one-way ticket (tosses) to neurotic city. He catches and tosses the egg again, but misses the next catch. The girls gasp in fright as the egg hits the floor. Giles lets out a yelp, too, but then stares at the egg curiously. It just wobbles to a stop, unbroken. Willow: (surprised) It didn't break! (suspicious) How come it didn't break? Xander: (realizes he's been found out) Which is another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes. Willow: You boiled your young? Xander: Yeah! I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind! I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick skinned now. Xander reaches down for the egg and picks it up. Giles: Technically that would be cheating, yes? He reaches up to put a book on a high shelf. At the back of the shelf there's an egg. Xander: No! It's like a short cut. You know, when you run a race? Buffy: That would also be cheating. Willow: (shakes her head) You should be ashamed. Giles: I suppose there is a sort of... Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression. Xander: I resent that! (gets a look from Giles) Or possibly thank you. Cordelia comes walking into the library. Cordelia: Figures you three would all be hanging in the dungeon while something major's going on at Sunnydale High. Xander: And what would that be, Cordelia? Barrette Appreciation Day? (goes back to his shelving) Cordelia: Mr. Whitmore didn't show today. Buffy: That news is of the past. Cordelia: He's missing? (the girls all look at Giles) Presumed d*ad? Giles: Presumed by whom? Cordelia: Well, me! (crosses her arms) Giles: I think we should give him a few hours before we give up on him completely. Cordelia: Well, I think we should look around, don't you Xander? Xander: (looks at her and shakes his head) It can wait. Cordelia: Well, his body could fall out of a closet somewhere. Xander looks at the others nervously. Cordelia: So we should check some closets to see if he's in a closet? Xander: (points at her) You're right. There could be a closet. Let's go. He points at Buffy and Willow as he comes down the stairs. Xander: You guys look for more clues. We'll meet back here. He takes Cordelia by the arm and guides her out of the library. Buffy: (unenthusiastically) We'll get right on it. Willow: (staring after them) Are they getting weirder? Have you noticed the weirdness of them? (looks at Buffy) Buffy: They're weird. (to Giles) Should I have guilt about not looking for Mr. Whitmore? Giles: I-I'd rather you conserve your strength for hunting the Gorches. Buffy: I'll be fine by tonight. Maybe I'll sweep the cemetery? Giles: (concerned) Well, be careful, i-i-if you're still feeling a little sluggish. Buffy: No worries. Willow: And Angel's helping you, right? Buffy: He does what he can. Cut to the cemetery that night. Buffy and Angel are engaged in a passionate kissing session once again. Buffy: Ahh... (kisses) (breaks off) As much as I hate to say this, we should really go k*ll bad guys. (kiss) Angel: It's late. You should really get home. Hmm? (kiss) Buffy: What about the Gorches? (kiss) Angel: I'll hunt. (kiss) Buffy: Really? (pulls back and smiles) You'd do that? Angel: Not like I have an early day tomorrow. Buffy: Mm, (kiss) true. (they walk) I still have to go home and fill out my egg diary. Angel: Your what? Buffy: Oh, I told you, that faux parenting gig we're doing at school. (faces him) Like I'm really planning to have kids anytime soon. Uh, maybe *some*day, in the future, when I'm done having a life, but... right now kids would be just a little too much to deal with. Angel: I wouldn't know. (looks at her) I don't... Well, you know, I, I can't. Buffy: Oh. (looks away briefly, then back) That's okay, um... I-I figured there were all sorts of things vampires couldn't do. You know, like work for the Telephone Company, or volunteer for the Red Cross, or... have little vampires. Angel: So you don't think about the future? Buffy: No. Angel: Never? Buffy: No. Angel: (swallows) You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now? Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, a-a... all I see is you! All I want is you. Angel: I know the feeling. He reaches down to kiss her. He finds her lips and she responds. They kiss more and more passionately. The camera pans away from them and across a gravestone that reads 'In Loving Memory'. Cut to the halls at school that night. The night watchman comes walking along and checks a door. Finding it properly locked he continues on. He stops at the hall intersection and looks each way. To his right he sees the door to the basement standing ajar, and goes over to it. He opens it wider, looks in and enters. Cut into the basement. The watchman comes down the steps making no attempt to be quiet. The doors to the boiler room are open, and he steps in. He tries the light switch, but it doesn't work. Watchman: Hello? Is anybody in here? He pulls out his Maglite, turns it on and continues into the room. The lights on the boiler controls are active and the fires are burning. When he's walked past the boilers he sees a huge hole in the concrete wall behind a bunch of stacked up barrels and boxes. He slowly walks over to the stack with his flashlight held over his shoulder like a bat, lighting the way but ready to swing if need be. Finding no one there he puts his Maglite down and pushes aside a stack of boxes blocking the way. He can see the hole clearly now, and a tunnel continues on beyond it. He picks up his flashlight again and holds it ready like before. He steps up to look through the hole. Behind him Mr. Whitmore appears holding a pick and slams him across the back with it, making him fall through the hole and knocking him out. Mr. Whitmore climbs through the hole after the watchman. Cut to Buffy's room. She climbs in through the window, and her egg rocking in its basket immediately grabs her attention. She stares at it a second, and then comes over to it. She bends down to look at it closely, not having expected it to hatch and curious about it. She gets closer and closer, staring at it intently. The top half of the shell cracks into thirds. Suddenly two of the pieces fly away while the third just falls back, and she sees a purplish-gray thing with tentacles is curled up inside of it. It jumps out at her, and she reacts instantly. It misses her, lands on the floor and quickly crawls under her bed. Buffy is stunned, but quickly regains her composure, and reaches down into her wicker laundry basket for her iron. She stands back up and looks at the darkness under her bedspread. Slowly she approaches her bed and kneels down. She quickly raises the spread and looks underneath with the iron held ready to smash anything that might come at her. Nothing. She stands back up and scans around her room. Whatever it was, it's nowhere to be seen. Suddenly it falls onto her shoulder from above. It tries to crawl down her back, but she grabs it and flings it off. It crawls quickly behind her desk and along the wall past her bookcase toward her bed. She looks for a different w*apon, and grabs a pair of scissors from her desk. The creature, in the mean time, has disappeared again. She approaches her bed with the scissors held ready to s*ab. Behind her the hatchling crawls up the wall. Buffy senses it and swings around with the scissors and s*ab it d*ad center. She pulls it off of the wall, impaled on the scissors, and slams it to the floor. She steps on its tail to hold it down while she s*ab it several more times. Satisfied of its demise she drops the scissors and crawls backward to lean against her bed. Her next thought is to call Willow. She frantically grabs for her phone on the nightstand and knocks it and the clock to the floor. She grabs the receiver and nervously taps in the numbers. Buffy: Come on! Pick up! Willow: (after the first ring) Hello? Buffy: Willow! Are you okay? Willow: (cut to her) Why shouldn't I be? Buffy: (cut to her) Your egg! I-is it doing anything? Willow: (cut to her) (confused) Doing what? Buffy: Break it! (cut to her) Right now! I want you to smash it with something heavy! Willow: Buffy, what... Buffy: My egg! It went... It went postal on me! The thing hatched, and it, it sprung this creepy-crawly thing, and it att*cked me! Willow: (cut to her) Are you okay? Buffy: (cut to her) Yeah, no, I'm fine, but, but your egg! Willow: (cut to her) I-is totally normal. Uh, I put it in the fridge. Buffy: Oh. Willow: Maybe it's a trap. Something the Gorch bothers planted for you? Buffy: (cut to her) Maybe. Yeah, uh... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have woken you. Uh, g-go back to sleep. Willow: (cut to her) You sure? Buffy: (cut to her) Yeah! Yeah, I'm, I'm better. I'm, I'm fine. Willow: (cut to her) Okay. I'll see ya tomorrow. Cut to Buffy. She lowers the phone and turns it off. Cut to Willow. She puts her phone back in its cradle. The two halves of the empty eggshell are covered on the inside with a grayish-blue slime. The camera pulls in for a close-up of Willow's face. She stares blankly off into space. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy's room at night. She puts her phone and its cradle back on her nightstand behind her clock. It's 2:45am. Suddenly she hears her door open and her mother coming in. Joyce: What's going on in here? Thinking quickly Buffy grabs the cloth from her former egg's basket and lays it over the d*ad creature. Joyce: Buffy, who are you talking to at this ho...? Buffy scrambles to her feet and faces her mother, eyes wide with surprise. Joyce: Why are you dressed? Where exactly do you think you're going at this hour of the night? Buffy: Nowhere. Joyce: Who was that on the phone? (comes in further) Buffy: Um, uh, Willow. (exhales) She wasn't feeling well today, so I was just calling to make sure she was feeling better. Joyce: (crosses her arms) You're gonna have to do much better than that, young lady. Buffy: I had a bad dream? Joyce: Oh, no, you're about to have a bad dream! (comes to stand next to her) A dream that you are grounded for the rest of your natural life. Cut to the next morning in their Jeep pulling to a stop in front of the school. Joyce: Which means: no after school socializing, no Bronze, no nothing. Not until I say so. Do you understand? Buffy: Yeah, but I think you're... Joyce: (interrupts) Now, school ends at 2:30. I want you to go to the library at 2:33 and study until I pick you up there at 5:30. Understood? Buffy: Yeah. Joyce: Good. Have a nice day. Buffy undoes her seatbelt, grabs her backpack and gets out of the car. She closes the door behind her and pulls on the backpack while she watches her mother drive off. She climbs the stairs up from the street and goes over to Cordelia who just finished talking with a friend. She has a teddy bear backpack. Buffy: Nice bear. Listen is your... Cordelia: (interrupts) Hey, I'll have you know that my father brought this bear back from Gstaad years ago. Then all of a sudden these trendoids everywhere started sporting them. So I'm totally not wearing it. Then I thought, hey, I'm the one who started this nationwide craze! What am I ashamed of? Buffy: Okay, Soliloquy Girl, I just wanted to ask about your egg. Cordelia: My egg? Buffy: Yeah. Your egg. The one Mr. Whitmore gave you. Cordelia: It's in my bear. Buffy: So, your egg isn't acting odd or anything? Cordelia: It isn't acting anything. It's an egg, Buffy, it doesn't emote. (sees another friend) Shanisse! (goes away) Is that your real hair? Buffy watches her go. Willow puts her hand on Buffy's shoulder, and she turns to face her. Willow: Hey! Buffy: Hi! Cut to Xander munching on a candy bar. He looks down at it as he chews hard. Xander: Mm. Cardboardy! He sits on a wall and discards the rest of the candy bar. He opens his satchel and digs through it for his egg. He pulls it out, looks at it and lets out a breath. Xander: Sorry, Junior, but a man's gotta eat. He taps the egg a few times on the wall next to him and then rolls it back and forth under his hand. Cut to Buffy and Willow walking across the grass toward Xander. Behind them Cordelia catches up as she looks through a book. Willow: So, was there any more hatchling activity last night? Buffy: No. Uh, you were probably right. It was just a trap from them set for me. And, (sees Cordelia) mm, (indicates her) everyone else's egg seemed perfectly normal. Xander: Did you bring the thing that att*cked you. Buffy: Yeah. Giles wants to see it. He's in full research mode. Willow: Okay. Well, bring it to the science lab, and I'll get Giles, and we'll analyze it. The camera pans around them and focuses on Willow's lower back. Buffy: Great. You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy... is like a day without sunshine. The camera shows a hatchling attached to Willow's back under her shirt. Cut to Xander. He smiles and nods at the girls when he sees them coming. Xander: Hey. He holds up the egg, ready to take a bite. There's a purplish-gray creature still inside, d*ad from being boiled. Xander looks at it just as he's about to bite into it and freaks out. He screams as he tosses the egg away from him. Cut to the science lab. The hatchling is laid out in a dissection tray. Xander taps his fingers on the table as he and Buffy look at it. Xander: Can I just say Gyughhh! Buffy: I see your 'Gyughhh!' and raise you a Nyaghhh! Cordelia: What is it? Xander: We don't know what it is, Cordelia, that's why we're here. Capisce? Cordelia: 'Capisce'? What are you, world traveler now? Willow comes into the lab. Buffy: Hey, where's Giles? I know he won't wanna miss this. Willow: He said to get started. He'll be by as soon as possible. Xander: So, okay! Get started, Buffy! Dissect it or something. (hands her a scalpel) Buffy: (takes the blade) Me? Why do *I* have to dissect it? Xander: Uh, because you're the Slayer? Buffy: And I slayed! My work here is done. (puts the scalpel on the table in front of Xander) Xander: Oh, no, I almost *ate* one of those things. I think I've fulfilled my gross-out quota for the decade. Willow: Guys... She takes the scalpel and starts the dissection. The camera pans around Cordelia to her bear. Xander: Do we even know what to look for? I mean, how are we supposed to figure out what this thing is? The bear's right eye pops out and a tentacle emerges. Buffy: Turn it over. Maybe we missed its ID bracelet. The bear's left eye pops out and another tentacle emerges. Xander: So, now I guess, uh, we know what happened to Mr. Whitmore. Cut to them talking. Cordelia: He saw this and ran away? Buffy: Try best case scenario. Willow: It's possible that Mr. Whitmore wasn't harmed. Maybe the offspring simply used him to return to the mother bezoar. Cordelia leans over to pick something up. Xander: Yeah. Maybe he... (turns to Willow) What? Cordelia straightens back up holding a metal bar, which she wields like a baseball bat. Buffy: What's a bez... Cordelia hits Buffy in the face with the bar, knocking her down and out. Xander: Cordy! What... Willow picks up a microscope and hits Xander over the head with it just as he looks back at her again. The screen goes black. Cut to the utility closet. It's pitch dark inside. Willow opens the door, and she and Cordelia drag Xander in. They heave him in, and he falls to the floor. They step out to let two boys drag Buffy in as well, and they let her drop unceremoniously. They leave the closet, and Willow closes and locks the door. Cut to the groundkeeper's shed. Willow opens the double doors and walks in. Cordelia follows her, and a line of students is right behind. Willow walks up to a post where a couple of dozen picks, axes, hoes and shovels are kept. She grabs a pickaxe and heads back out of the door. Cordelia grabs a hoe and follows. Student after student, and even an occasional teacher, grabs a digging tool and follows Willow. Cut to the hall outside the basement door. Willow walks up to the open door and heads right in. The line of students is right behind her. Cut inside the basement. They come down the stairs and head into the boiler room. One by one they step though the hole in the wall and follow the tunnel down. Mr. Whitmore is standing by the hole keeping guard. Cut outside the school. It's gotten dark. Cut to the library. Joyce walks in and looks around. Joyce: Buffy? She continues in and keeps looking. Joyce: Hello? Giles: (pokes his head out of the cage) Hello? Joyce: (faces him) Oh! Mr. Giles, hi. Uh, I-I was looking for Buffy. She, she was supposed to wait for me here. Giles: Well, sh-she hasn't been in. I-I've been waiting to talk to her myself about, uh, uh... h-history texts. Joyce: (leans on the card catalog) That is just the last straw! Giles: I-I'm sure she didn't mean to, uh... Joyce: She never means to, but somehow she always manages to anyway. Do you have children, Mr. Giles? Giles: Um... Joyce: (whispers) Sh-should I be whispering? Giles: (whispers) No. (speaks) A-a-and, uh, no, I, I haven't any children. A-although, uh, sometimes I feel as though I do, uh, working here... Joyce: They can be such a... (considers her words) Oh, uh, I-I-I don't want to say 'burden', but, uh... Uh, actually I kind of *do* want to say 'burden'! (smiles) Giles: (smiles) Feel free! Joyce: Oh, they're just so irresponsible. Giles: Sometimes. Joyce: (notices the books lying on the catalog) 'Bristow's Demon Index', 'Hell's Offspring'? Giles: (takes the books) A hobby of mine, uh, but, uh, having nothing to do with Buffy in any way. He takes the books into the cage, stows them on a shelf and then comes back out. Giles: Um, you say Buffy told you that she'd be here all afternoon? Joyce: Well, yes. I-i-is something wrong? Giles: Oh, I'm sure it's nothing. (pulls open a drawer) (hears a noise in the hall) What was that? Joyce: Mm, probably the janitor. She faces the door to look. Giles takes a hatchling out of the card catalog drawer and sets it on Joyce's back. She screams as she tries to reach around her back and falls to the floor. Giles stares blankly off into space. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The hall outside the library. Giles and Joyce come walking out into the hall staring blankly ahead and join the line of students and teachers heading for the basement. Cut to the utility closet. Buffy has regained consciousness and reaches up for the light string and gives it a yank. She takes a quick look around and then looks down at Xander, still out cold on the floor. Buffy: Hey! Xander! (slaps his cheek) Hey! You alright? Xander: (wakes, moans and blinks his eyes) Last time Cordy dragged me in here it was a lot nicer. Buffy: What? Xander: Uh... (fully awake now) Huh? Nothing. Uh, crazy talk. Head trauma. Buffy: (helps him sit up) Tell me about it. I'm gonna have a (feels her head) big bump. Xander: Uh, I'm gonna have a peninsula! (points at his head) Here, (she helps him up) what, what the hell's goin' on? Cordy and Willow? They look around the room. Buffy: Something to do with the hatchlings, I'm sure of it. She tries the door but finds it locked. Xander: What, are they possessed? Buffy: I don't know. But they sure wanted us out of the way. Xander: (holding his head) Well, why not k*ll us? (lets go of his head) Why, uh, why drag us in here? Buffy spots two eggs on the floor. Xander follows her gaze. One of them is rocking. Xander: Oh. (steps back) Bad now. Buffy looks around for something heavy and sees a toolbox. She picks it up from the shelf, raises it and smashes it onto the two eggs. A dark blue slime squirts out around the toolbox. Then she kicks open the door. Xander: (holds his head again) Thank you. (moans and follows her out) Cut to the library. Buffy and Xander come rushing in. Buffy: Giles! Xander: Giles! They look around, but find the place deserted. Xander: He must be out somewhere. Buffy: Well, he picked a helluva time to get a life. Xander: What are we gonna do? Buffy: We can't fight these things until we know something about 'em. Xander: (thinks) Alright, Willow said something. Uh, a name. What was it? Buffy: A bozo! Not a bozo. Xander: A bezoar. Buffy: That's it! Okay, so now... we look it up? Xander: In what? Buffy: A book? They look over at the counter where there are several books lying open and go over to them. Buffy: Giles said he was gonna try to find something... She takes the book on top that's open to a picture and turns it around to look at it. The sketch is of a disk-shaped, tentacled monster. Buffy: And I'd say he found something. Xander moves around her to have a look himself, steps on half an eggshell and looks down at it. Xander: I'd say something found him. Cut to the basement. Giles and Joyce lead a line of students to the hole and step through. They head down the tunnel and come out into another room deeper underground. Giles heads to the side ramp that leads to a slightly lower level and takes a crowbar handed to him by Mr. Whitmore, who has a box of new bezoar eggs in his other arm. The camera pans across the room, past Cordelia wiping off eggs being handed to her from below by another student, to Willow pounding on the concrete floor with a sledgehammer. Joyce goes down the other side and takes a hoe held out to her by the watchman. She starts banging it on the floor as the watchman goes back to his post. Cut to a close-up of the floor. A large chunk has broken off and appears to be floating on something. Willow and Joyce keep pounding on it to break it up into smaller pieces. Cut to a student pulling an egg out from between some larger gaps in the floor. He hands it up to Cordelia, who wipes it off in a towel and hands it to Mr. Whitmore, who places it in a wooden box filled with wood shavings and more eggs. Cut to the floor again. The camera pans over to a large hole in the floor where the concrete has already been removed and shows the pink-fleshed mother bezoar's body as it moves and throbs. Cut to the library. Buffy reads from the book out loud. Buffy: 'Pre-pre-historic parasite. The mother hibernates underground, laying eggs. The offspring then attach themselves to a host, taking control of their motor functions through neural clamping.' Xander: 'Neural clamping.' That sounds skippable. Buffy: So, our people are taking orders from the mama bezoar. Which begs the question... Xander: What does mama want? They hear a student screaming out in the hall. Jonathon: Somebody help me! They run out to investigate. Cut to the hall. Jonathon is struggling with a hatchling on his back and falls to the floor, screaming. Jonathon: Get this thing off me! Get this... Somebody help me! Help! Buffy and Xander come running out the door and see Jonathon get back up. Buffy: Are you okay? Jonathon: (deadpan) I'm fine. I slipped. He turns and heads down the hall. Buffy and Xander exchange a look. Buffy: I think I hear mommy calling. Xander: Uh-huh. They follow Jonathon down the hall. Cut to the boiler room. Jonathon comes walking in and heads straight for the hole. Buffy and Xander peek in, and seeing no one else is there follow him in. Around the corner from the boilers they see Jonathon climb through the hole and head down the tunnel. Xander: Do we really wanna go in there? Buffy: We really don't. They exchange another look and make for the hole. Buffy climbs in and looks back at Xander before continuing down the tunnel. Xander: Careful. He starts through as well, but doesn't lift his foot high enough and trips through the hole and falls into the tunnel. Cut to the room below. The digging and egg gathering activity continues. Jonathon comes walking in. Behind him Buffy and Xander peek into the room. Xander: What are they diggin' up? The camera pans over to a student and shows the pink mother bezoar in the pit. Buffy: Oh, boy. She sees Cordelia handing Mr. Whitmore an egg. Buffy: We can't let them spread those eggs. Xander: I'll handle it. Um, can you, uh, hold down the fort?

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x12 - Bad Eggs"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Buffy's room at night. She sleeps fitfully. She wakes with a start and puts her hand to her head. She reaches over to her lamp, turns it on and lets out a sigh. She takes her glass from her nightstand for a drink, but finds it nearly empty. She gets up to fill it. Cut to the hall. Buffy comes out of her room holding the glass and walks down the hall. Behind her Drusilla stalks her. Buffy opens the door to the bathroom and suddenly finds herself at the Bronze. A slow ballad, "Anything", by Shawn Clement and Sean Murray, is playing. Buffy ventures in. Lyrics: Take me over, I'm lying down / I'm giving in to you She finds Willow sitting at a table with a large cup of cappuccino and an organ grinder's monkey. Willow: (to the monkey) L'hippo a pique' ses pantalons. Translation: The hippo stole his pants. Lyrics: I'm a hurricane The monkey on the table with her squeaks. Buffy walks up to the table and looks at Willow curiously. Willow smiles at her and waves. Buffy raises her hand back, but remains confused about the monkey. Lyrics: I cannot describe this feeling Buffy continues on and finds her mother holding a large cup and saucer. Lyrics: Now that I've found this love Her mother sees her coming, and she turns to face her daughter. Joyce: Do you really think you're ready, Buffy? Buffy: What? Joyce drops the saucer. Buffy watches it fall. It shatters on the floor. Joyce just turns and slowly walks away. Lyrics: I'll do anything for you Buffy watches her go, then looks around the room again. Lyrics: Now that I've found this love She walks past Willow again and through the crowd to the stage. It's empty, no band tonight. She turns around and smiles warmly. Lyrics: I'm a f*re, burning like a house aflame Angel is standing at the pool table. He smiles and starts toward her. Lyrics: I'm a hurricane Buffy begins to walk toward him. Lyrics: I cannot move or see you fly / Now that I've found... Drusilla suddenly appears behind Angel. She is vamped out, and thrusts a stake into his back and pulls it out. He arches backward in pain. Buffy: ANGEL! Lyrics: ...this love They reach out for each other. Before she can touch him his hand begins to disintegrate. The rings on his fingers fall to the floor. His body doesn't explode like most vampires', but just crumbles to dust. Drusilla lowers the stake and takes the few steps over to Buffy. Drusilla: Happy Birthday, Buffy. Cut to Buffy's room. She wakes from her nightmare and quickly sits up, surprised and confused. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Angel's apartment. There's a knock at the door. Angel: Hold on. He reaches for the knob and opens it. Buffy is standing there with a worried look on her face. Angel: Hey. Is everything okay? Buffy: That's what I was gonna ask you. You're okay, right? Angel: Sure. I-I'm fine. (gestures for her to come in) What's up? She comes in and puts her bag down. He swings the door partially closed and walks over to grab a shirt. Buffy: Um... I-I had this... dream that Drusilla was alive. Angel: (pulls on the shirt) What happened? Buffy: She k*lled you. Right in front of me. Angel: It was just a dream. It wasn't real. Buffy: But it felt so real. Angel: (puts his hand to her cheek) It wasn't. I'm right here. Buffy: Angel, th-this happened before. The dreams that I had about the Master, they came true. Angel: (reassuringly) Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember? Buffy: (looks down) I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas. Angel: See my point? Buffy: (exhales) Yeah, I-I do, but... what if Drusilla is alive? We never saw her body. Angel: (reassures) She's not. But even if she was, we'd deal. Buffy: W-w-what if she is... He grabs and kisses her, and she responds. A couple of kisses later they break off and look at each other. Angel: What if what? Buffy: (whispers) I'm sorry. Were we talking? Angel leans over to kiss her again. They put their arms around each other and hold each other closely as they kiss. Buffy suddenly breaks off and looks down. Buffy: I'm sorry. I, um... I-I have to go to school. She turns and quickly heads for the door. Angel: I know. He follows her, takes her arm, turns her around and kisses her again passionately. They take hold of each other again. They stop kissing a moment later but keep touching foreheads. Buffy: Oh, God, you feel... Angel: You have to go to school. (guides her to the door) Buffy: Right. I know. This is me. (backs into and shuts the door) I'm going. They begin kissing passionately again. After a while they stop and look at each other. Angel: You still haven't told me what you wanted for your birthday. Buffy: (smiles) Surprise me. Angel: (smiles) Okay. I will. They kiss. Buffy: (smiles) This is nice. I like seeing you first thing in the morning. Angel: It's bedtime for me. Buffy: Well, then I like seeing you at bedtime. Um... Um, heh... Y-you know what I mean. Angel: I think so. What do you mean? Buffy: I like seeing you. The part at the end of the night where we say good-bye... It's getting harder. Angel: Yeah. It is. Willow: 'I like you at bedtime?' Cut to the lawn under the trees at Sunnydale High. Willow and Buffy are walking. Willow: You actually said that? Buffy: I know, I know. Willow: Man, that's like... I-I dunno, that's moxie or something. Buffy: Totally unplanned. It just... came out. Willow: (giggles) And he was into it? I mean, he wants to see you at bedtime, too? Buffy: Yeah, I, I, I think he does. Well, I, I mean he-he's cool about it. Willow: Well, of course he is. 'Cause he's cool. I mean, he would never... you know... Buffy: Push. Willow: Right. H-he's not the type. Buffy: Will, what am I gonna do? Willow: What do you wanna do? Buffy: I don't know. I... I mean, (they sit on a bench) 'want' isn't always the right thing *to* do. To act on want can be wrong. Willow: True. Buffy: But... to *not* act on want... What if I never feel this way again? Willow: Carpe diem. You told me that once. Buffy: 'Fish of the day'? Willow: Not carp. (smiles) Carpe. It means 'seize the day.' Buffy: Right. I... I think we're going to. Seize it. Once you get to a certain point, then seizing is sort of inevitable. Willow: (wide-eyed) Wow... Buffy: (smiles) Yeah. Willow: Wow... The school bell rings. Buffy: Oh... (gets up and goes) Willow: (gets up and follows) Wow! Cut to them still walking. Willow stares at Buffy. Willow: Wow. Buffy: (smiles) Yeah. She looks over to the side and sees Oz sitting at a bench with his guitar. Buffy: Hey, speaking of 'wow' potential, there's Oz over there. What are we thinking, any sparkage? Willow: (smiles) He's nice. Hey, I like his hands. Buffy: Mm. A fixation on insignificant detail is a definite crush sign. Willow: Oh, I don't know, though. I mean, he is a senior. Buffy: (stops) You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial. Willow: That's true. (unsure) Uh... I guess... I just... Buffy: You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie. Make a move. Do the talking thing. Willow: Well, what if the talking thing becomes the awkward-silence thing? Buffy: Well, you won't know until you try. She walks off leaving Willow to consider her next action. She looks at Oz, at Buffy walking away and back at Oz. Cut to Oz on the bench. He's practicing with his guitar. Willow walks around the bench and stands next to him. Willow: Hey. Oz: (looks up) Hey. (gives her his attention) Willow: Do you guys, uh, have a gig tonight? Oz: Oh, no. Practice. See, our band's kinda moving towards this new sound where... we suck, so... practice. Willow: (smiles) I think you guys sound good. Oz: Thanks. Willow: I bet you have a lot of groupies. Oz: (nods) It happens. Now, I'm living groupie-free nowadays. I'm clean. Willow: (smiles) Oh. (begins to feel awkward) Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting. Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes. Oz: Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. (Willow smiles) Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night? Willow: (cringes and slaps her hand to her forehead) Oh! I can't! Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable. Willow: Oh, it's just it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party. Oz: It's okay. Willow: But you could come. If you want to. Oz: Well, I don't wanna crash. Willow: No, it's fine! Well, you could be m... my date. Oz: (nods) All right. I'm in. (smiles) Willow smiles back, and after a moment indicates she has to go. Oz nods to give her leave. She starts away, smiling widely. Willow: (to herself) I said 'date'. Cut to Cordelia's locker. The camera is inside looking out. Cordelia swings the door open. Xander is standing behind her. Xander: So... Buffy's party. Manana. Cordelia: Well, just because she's Miss Save-The-World and everything, you have to make a big deal? I have to cook! And everything. Xander: You're cooking? Cordelia: Well, I'm chips and dips girl. Xander: (gasps) Horrors! All that opening and stirring. Cordelia: And shopping and carrying. Xander: Well, then you should have a person who does such things for you. Cordelia: Well, that's what I've been saying to my father, but does he listen? Xander: Um, so, uh... You're going, and, and, and I'm going. Should... we maybe... go? Cut outside the locker. Cordelia: Why? Xander: I dunno. This... thing with us, despite our better judgment, it keeps happening. Maybe we should just admit that we're dating. Cordelia: Groping in a broom closet isn't dating. You don't call it a date until the guy spends money. Xander: Fine. I'll spend, then we'll grope. Whatever. I just think it's some kind of whacked that we feel we have to hide it from all our friends. Cordelia: Well, of course *you* wanna tell everybody. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I, on the other hand, have *everything* to be ashamed of. Xander: You know what? 'Nuff said. Forget it. It must've been my multiple-personality guy talking. I call him Idiot Jed, glutton for punishment. He looks at her and exhales, then turns and walks off. Cut further down the hall. Giles comes walking out of the lounge and sees Xander. Giles: Oh, good morning. (quietly) Is everything in order for the party? Xander: Absolutely. You ready to get down, you funky party weasel? Giles looks at the stairs and sees Jenny and Buffy coming down. Giles: Here comes Buffy. (to Xander) Now remember: discretion is the better part of valor. Xander: You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens? (to Buffy) Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on. Jenny: I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander. She and Buffy sit at a table in the lounge. Xander: (into his shirt) Check, cancel spanking. Giles: (sits also) You alright, Buffy? You seem a little fatigued. Buffy: Rough night. I had a dream that Drusilla was alive and she k*lled Angel. I-it just really freaked me out. Giles: You fear it was more of a, a... a portent? Buffy: See, I don't know. I don't wanna start a big freakout over nothing. Giles: Still, best to be, uh, on the alert. If Drusilla is alive, i-i- it could be a fairly... cataclysmic state of affairs. Xander: Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'we'd be in trouble'? Giles: (gives Xander a look) Go to class, Xander. Xander: Gone. (gets up and starts away, but stops) Notice the economy of phrasing: 'gone.' Simple. Direct. (points at Giles and leaves) Buffy: Maybe I should get 'gone', too. (stands up) Giles: (stands up) Uh, don't worry unduly, Buffy. I-I-I'm sure it's nothing. Buffy: I know. I should keep my Slayer cool, but... it's Angel, which automatically equals maxi-wig. Giles: Hmm. He gives her a smile as she goes. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Dalton comes in carrying a large wooden box. Dalton: I have your package. Spike: Just put it on the table... near the other gifts. Dalton walks past the camera to the table as Spike rolls into view in a wheelchair. Drusilla follows him, guiding the chair. Spike: Are you d*ad set on this, pet? Wouldn't you rather have your party in Vienna? Drusilla: But the invitations are sent. Spike: Yeah. It's just I've had it with this place. Nothing ever comes off like it's supposed to. Drusilla: (leans in and puts her hands on his chest) My gatherings are always perfect. Remember Spain? (crouches next to him) Hey... The bulls? (walks her fingers up his arm) Spike: I remember, sweet. But Sunnydale's cursed for us. Angel and the Slayer see to that. Drusilla: Shhh... (into his ear) I've got good games for everyone. (licks his cheek) You'll see. She walks over to the table and inspects the roses and other red flowers that have been woven into the high backs of the chairs. She steps up to one. Drusilla: These flowers... are wrong. (the decorators look worried) They're all... wrong! (moans) (Spike looks worried) I can't abide them! (screams and rips at them) Spike: Let's try something different with the flowers then. She looks at him and calms down a bit. Then she eyes the boxes on the table and slowly walks around to them. Drusilla: Can I open one? Can I? Spike smiles at her, and she smiles back. Drusilla: Can I? Ooo... Spike: Just a peek, love. She excitedly reaches for the latch on one of them. Spike: They're for the party. He wheels himself over to her. Cut inside the box. Drusilla lifts the lid, inhales in wonder and smiles. Spike: Do you like it, baby? Drusilla: It reeks of death. Cut outside the box. She sighs and kneels in front of Spike. Drusilla: This will be the best party ever. Spike: Why is that? Drusilla: Because... She stands back up and leans toward the box. Cut inside the box. Drusilla: It will be the last. She slams the lid shut. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at the Summers house. Joyce gets up from the far side of the island and takes her plate over to the sink. Buffy is sitting on the other side of the island. Joyce: Mall trip for your birthday on Saturday. Don't forget. Buffy: Space on a mom-sponsored shopping opportunity? Not likely. Joyce: Hmm. So, does, um, 17 feel any different than 16? Buffy: It's funny you should ask that. (gets Joyce's attention) You know, I woke up feeling more responsible, mature and levelheaded. Joyce: Really? Tch. It's uncanny. Buffy: I now possess the qualities one looks for in a... licensed driver. (looks at her mom hopefully) Joyce: Buffy... Buffy: You said we could talk about it again when I was 17. Joyce: Do you really think you're ready, Buffy? She gives her mom a surprised look. Joyce drops her plate. Buffy watches it fall and sees it shatter on the floor. Cut to Ms. Calendar's classroom. She walks to her desk with an arm full of papers. She sets down her mug and a couple of other things and begins to go through them. Behind her a man in a dark suit and hat approaches her. He stops and looks at her. Enyos: Jenny Calendar. Jenny spins around, startled. She stares at him in surprise. Jenny: You startled me. Enyos: You look well. (steps up to her desk) Jenny: Yes, I'm fine. (goes around her desk) I know I haven't written as much lately. I've been busy. Enyos: I cannot imagine what is so important to make you ignore the responsibility to your people. Jenny: Well, I've been working and... Enyos: (interrupts) The elder woman has been reading signs. Something is different. Jenny: Nothing has changed. The curse still holds. Enyos: The elder woman is never wrong. She says his pain is lessening. She can feel it. Jenny: (looks down) There is... Enyos: There is what? Jenny: (looks up) A girl. Enyos: (exhales in disgust) What? How could you let this happen? Jenny: I promise you. Angel still suffers. And he makes amends for his evil. He even saved my life. Enyos: So you just forget that he destroyed the most beloved daughter of your tribe?! That he *k*lled* every man, woman and child that touched her life?! Vengeance demands that his pain be eternal as ours is! If this, this girl gives him one *minute* of happiness, it is one minute too much! Jenny: I'm sorry. I thought... Enyos: You thought what?! You thought you are Jenny Calendar now?! You are still Janna, of the Kalderash people! A Gypsy. Jenny: I know... Uncle. I know. Enyos: Then prove it. Your time for watching is past. The girl and him, it ends now! Do what you must to take her from him! Jenny: I will see to it. Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting at the table while Giles paces behind her. Buffy: ...and then my mom broke the plate. It was just like my dream. Every gesture, every word. (looks up at him) It was so creepy. Giles: Yes, well, I-I-I'd imagine it would be... fairly unnerving. He sits on the end of the table. Xander and Willow come bounding in. Xander: Hey! It's the woman of the hour. Willow: It's Happy Birthday Buffy! She jumps over to the table, hugs Buffy's shoulders and gives her a big smile. She lets go and goes around to the other side of the table with Xander. Buffy just looks down and pulls her hair behind her ear. Willow: Not Happy Birthday Buffy? Giles: I-it's just that, um, part of the nightmare that Buffy had the other night actually transpired. Buffy: Which means Drusilla might still be alive. Giles, in my dream, I couldn't stop her. She blindsided me. A-Angel was gone before I knew what happened. Giles: Even if she is alive, uh, we can still protect Angel. Dreams aren't prophecies, Buffy. Y-y-y-you dreamt that the Master had risen, but you stopped it from happening. Xander: You ground his bones to make your bread. Buffy: That's true. Except for the bread part. (to Giles) Okay, so, fine. We're one step ahead, but I wanna stay that way. Giles: Absolutely. (stands up) Let me read up on Drusilla, uh, see if she has any particular patterns. (starts toward his office) Why don't you meet me here at 7:00? We'll map out a strategy. Buffy: What am I supposed to do until then? Giles: Go to classes, do your homework, have supper... Buffy: Right. Be *that* Buffy. She gets up from the table, grabs her bag and heads out of the library. Xander: (pointing) Well, that's not a perky birthday puppy. Willow: So much for our surprise party. I bought little hats and everything. Xander: Mm-hm. Willow: Oh, well. I guess I'll tell Cordelia. (starts to go) Giles: No, you won't. (Willow and Xander stop) We're having a party tonight. Xander: (stares at Giles) Looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny. Willow frowns and nods in agreement. Giles: Buffy's surprise party will go ahead as we planned. Except I won't be wearing the little hat. Willow: But Buffy and Angel... Giles: May well be in danger... as they have been before, and, I imagine, will be again. One thing I've learned in my tenure here on the Hellmouth is that there is no good time to relax. And Buffy's turning 17 just this once, and she deserves a party. Xander: You're a great man of our time. Willow: (smiles) And anyway, Angel's coming. So she'll be able to protect him *and* have cake. Giles: Precisely. He goes into his office. Willow and Xander leave with a happy bounce in their step. Cut to the school that night. Cut to a hall. Buffy comes walking down. Jenny sees her. Jenny: Buffy. Buffy: (startled) Oh, my God, I didn't see you there. Jenny: Sorry. Um, Giles wanted me to tell you that there's been a change of plans. Uh, he wants to meet you someplace near his house 'cause he had to run home and get a book or something. Buffy: 'Cause heaven knows there aren't enough books in the library. Jenny: Uh, he's... very thorough. Buffy: Oh, which is not to bag. It's kind of manly in an obsessive- compulsive kind of way, don't you think? Jenny: Mm-hm. Um, you know, my car's here. Why don't I drive you? Buffy: Okay. She starts out to the parking lot. Jenny watches her go a few steps and then follows. Cut to the alley outside the Bronze. Jenny's Beetle rolls slowly along. Buffy: Are we goin' to the Bronze? Jenny: I'm not sure. Giles gave me an address. I'm just following his directions. They round a corner, and Buffy sees something going on. Buffy: This looks funky. Stop for a sec. A truck is parked in an adjacent loading area. A man jumps off of the truck bed while another walks across the loading dock. Jenny: No, Buffy, maybe you shouldn't. Buffy: Sorry. Sacred duty, yada yada yada. She gets out of the car and goes to investigate. Jenny: (sighs) What is this? (leans her head on her hand) Cut to the truck. Buffy walks up and stops by the cab. She sees Dalton carrying a wooden box. Buffy: Every time I see you, you're stealing something. (Dalton growls) You really should speak with someone about this klepto issue. The truck's engine starts. Buffy turns and reaches for the door handle. Dalton makes a hasty escape. The truck door swings open before Buffy can reach it, and a vampire kicks out at her, hitting her in the arm, but not hard. She grabs for him and pulls him out of the cab and onto the ground. Dalton lifts the box onto the back of the truck. The vampire gets up from the pavement, and Buffy punches him, knocking him back down again. She backs up toward the truck to get around him, but a third vampire standing in the bed grabs her by the jacket and lifts her up. He gets her in a full Nelson hold. She pushes him back into a large box. He is stunned and lets go of his hold. She snaps her head back and butts him hard. The other vampire has climbed onto the truck bed also and comes at her. She punches him, turns and punches the one behind her, turns and punches the other one again, then kicks him in the chest, making him fall and roll over a crate. She blocks a swing from the one behind her, grabs his arm and shoves his head into the crate. Cut inside the Bronze. Angel peeks out from behind a pillar and looks around. Angel: Where is she? The others peek out from behind the pool table and look up at him. Willow: Shhh! I think I hear her coming. Cut outside. Buffy punches one of the wooden bed retainers and breaks off a piece. She jams it into one of the vampires' chests, and he bursts into ashes. The other grabs her from behind, lifts her up and carries her onto the loading dock. He throws her at a door. She hits it and rolls away. Cut inside. The g*ng hears the fighting going on outside and looks toward a window. Cut to the window. Buffy and the vampire come crashing through and h*t the floor. Everyone gets up to look. Buffy scrambles to her feet and kicks the vampire as he comes for her. He stumbles back a few steps. The others come closer to see. Buffy grabs a drumstick from a drum set, spins around with it, thrusts it into the vampire's chest and pulls it back out. The vampire explodes into ashes. Oz watches in astonishment. Cordelia jumps up from behind the pool table with her arms raised high. Cordelia: Surprise! The others all look back at her. Oz: That pretty much sums it up. Xander shakes his head at Cordelia. Xander: Tch. Buffy hops down from the stage. Angel goes over to her. Cordelia lowers her arms. Angel: Buffy, are you okay? Giles: Yes. W-what happened? Buffy: (points behind her) Uh, there were these vamps outs... (looks around) W-what's going on? Giles: Oh, um... A surprise party. (blows on a party favor) Cordelia: Happy Birthday. Buffy: (smiles) You guys did all this for me? (to Angel) That is so sweet. Angel: You sure you're okay? Buffy: Yes, I'm fine. Willow: (to Oz) Are you okay? Oz: Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust? Willow: Uh, well, uh... sort of. Xander: Yep. Vampires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale. (gestures between Willow and Oz) Willow will fill you in. (walks off) Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first. Oz: Actually, it explains a *lot*. Jenny comes into the Bronze carrying Dalton's box. Jenny: Hey, can somebody give me a hand here? Angel and Giles take it from her and set it on a table. Jenny: Those creeps left this behind. Buffy: What is it? Giles: I have no idea. Can, can it be opened? Buffy: Yeah. This looks like a release right here. She works the latch and opens the box. Inside is an arm clad in armor. Buffy looks over at Giles in disgust. Suddenly the arm raises up, grabs Buffy by the throat and begins choking her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. Buffy struggles with the arm. Angel tries to pull it off of her. Between them they get it off, and Angel stuffs it back into the box while Buffy steps back and tries to catch her breath. Giles slams the lid shut. Buffy coughs as Angel helps her aside. Xander: Well, clearly the Hellmouth's answer to 'what do you get the Slayer who has everything?' Giles: Good heavens. Buffy, are you all right? Buffy: Man, that thing had major grip. Willow: W-what was that? Oz: It looked like an arm. Angel: It can't be. She wouldn't. Xander: What, uh, vamp's version of 'snakes in a can', or do you care to share? Buffy: Angel? Angel: It-it's a legend... (Giles looks at the box) way before my time... of a demon brought forth to rid the Earth of the plague of humanity... separate the righteous from the wicked... and to burn the righteous down. They call him the Judge. Giles: The Judge? This is he? Angel: Not all of him. Buffy: (raising her hand) Um, still needing backstory here. Giles: Um... He, he, he couldn't be k*lled, yes? Um, a-an army was sent against him. Most of them died... but, uh, finally they were able to dismember him, but, uh... not k*ll him. Angel: The pieces were scattered... buried in every corner of the Earth. Jenny: So all these parts are being brought here. Buffy: By Drusilla. The vamps outside were Spike's men. Angel: She's just crazy enough to do it. Willow: Do what, reassemble the Judge? Angel: And bring forth Armageddon. Cordelia: Is anybody else gonna have cake? (goes to the pool table) Giles: We need to get this out of town. Jenny: Angel. Buffy: What? Jenny: (to Angel) You have to do it. You're the only one that can protect this thing. Buffy: What about me? Jenny: What, you're just gonna skip town for a few months? Buffy: 'Months'? Angel: She's right. I gotta get this to the remotest region possible. (goes to Buffy) Buffy: But that's not months. Angel: (gestures grandly) I gotta catch a cargo ship to Asia, maybe trek to Nepal... Buffy: You know, those newfangled flying machines really are much safer than they used to be. Angel: I can't fly. There's no sure way to guard against the daylight. I-I-I don't like this any more than you do, Buffy. But there's no other choice. Buffy: When? Angel: Tonight. As soon as possible. Buffy: But it's my birthday. Jenny: (comes over) I'll drive you to the docks. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is confronting Dalton. He has his eyes lowered. Drusilla: You lost it? You... lost my present. Dalton: I know. I'm sorry. Spike: It was a bad turn, man. She can't have her fun without the box. Dalton: The Slayer. She came out of nowhere. I didn't even see her. She... Drusilla cuts him off by putting her finger to his lips. She stares into his eyes. She lifts off his glasses and drops them to the floor. She stomps on them and grinds them into the concrete. She lifts her head with her eyes closed. Drusilla: Make a wish. Dalton: What? She holds two fingers up to his eyes. Drusilla: I'm going to blow out the candles. Spike: You might give him a chance to find your lost treasure. He is a w*nk*r, but he's the only one we've got with half a brain. If he fails, you can eat his eyes out of the sockets for all I care. Dalton: I'll get it. Please. I swear. Drusilla thrusts both hands at him and pulls them back at the last instant and up into raised fists, and smiles at him evilly. She bends down and picks up his glasses. Drusilla: Okay. She unfolds them and sets them back on his nose. Drusilla: Hurry back then. (pats his head) She steps over to Spike and sits in his lap. Dalton breathes a sigh of relief and leaves to begin his task. Cut to the docks. Buffy and Angel make their way to a ship. Angel has the box on his shoulder. They walk arm in arm. Buffy leans into him, and he kisses her on the head. When they reach the gangplank Angel sets the box down. They take a few steps away from the box. Angel: I should go the rest of the way alone. Buffy: Okay. Angel: But I'll be back. I will. Buffy: When? Six months, a year? You don't know how long it's gonna take or if we'll even... (looks down) Angel: Hey... (raises her chin) If we'll even what? Buffy: (tears in her eyes) Well, if you haven't noticed, someone pretty much always wants us d*ad. Angel: Don't say that. We'll be fine. Buffy: We don't know that. Angel: We can't know, Buffy. Nobody can. That's just the deal. (reaches into his pocket) I have something for you. For your birthday. I... I was gonna give it to you earlier, but... (shows her a ring with an intricate design) Buffy: It's beautiful. Angel: My people -- before I was changed -- they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty... and the heart... Well, you know... Wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this. He shows her his own ring on his finger. She touches his hand, leans over and kisses the ring. Angel: Put it on. He takes the ring from her and slips it onto her finger. Buffy: (sobs) I don't wanna do this. Angel: Me either. Buffy: So don't go. They kiss. She puts her arms around him. After several kisses they stop and look at each other. Angel: Buffy... I... Two vampires suddenly jump at them from some cargo netting. One pulls Buffy off of Angel and throws her back. The other begins to fight with Angel. Buffy rolls to her feet. The vampire swings at her, but misses. She grabs him and starts pummeling his gut. Angel flips the other one over onto his back. He gets up, and Angel swings at him three times, but he blocks all of them. Angel's next punch lands on the vampire's face. Buffy ducks a swing, lifts herself up on the dock railing and kicks her assailant in the chest with both feet, sending him staggering back into the gangplank. She gives chase and grabs him by the back of the shirt and hair. He growls. Dalton drops out of the cargo netting now, too, runs over to the box, grabs it and starts to run. Buffy: Angel! The box! Angel ducks a roundhouse kick, grabs the vampire's arm and flips him over onto his back. He runs after Dalton and tackles him to the deck. Buffy's attacker shakes free of her and shoves her into a stack of crates. He follows up with a roundhouse kick, but she ducks it and he just hits the crates. She makes a grab for him, but he punches her in the face. Angel gets ready to punch Dalton but gets distracted when the vampire he was fighting before grabs the box and makes a run for it. Buffy's opponent grabs her by the jacket and roars as he swings her around, over the railing and into the water. Angel sees her go flying. Angel: Buffy! He jumps over the railing and into the water after her. Cut to the library. Giles is researching the Judge. He looks up from his books. Giles: They should be back by now. Willow: Maybe Buffy needed a few minutes to pull herself together. Poor Buffy, on her birthday and everything. Xander: Hmm, it's sad, granted. But let's look at the upside for a moment. (gets up) I mean, what kind of a future would she've really had with him? (Willow looks sadly up at him) She's got 2 jobs -- Denny's waitress by day, (Giles looks up, too) Slayer by night -- and Angel's always in front of the TV with a big blood belly, and he's dreamin' of the glory days when Buffy still thought this whole creature of the night routine was a big turnon. Willow: You've thought way too much about this. Xander: No, no. That's just the beginning. Have I told you the part where I fly into town in my private jet and take Buffy out for prime rib? Willow: (sees Buffy come in) Xander... Xander: And she cries? Giles: (stands up) What happened? (Xander sits) Buffy: Dru's guys ambushed us. They got the box. Giles: Where's Jenny? Buffy: Uh, she took Angel to get clothing. I, I had some here. Xander: And we needed clothes because... Buffy: We got wet. Giles, what do we know? Giles: The more I study the Judge, the less I like him. His touch can literally burn the humanity out of you. A true creature of evil can survive the process. No human ever has. Xander: What's the problem? We send Cordy to fight this guy, and we go for pizza. (smiles) Buffy: Can this guy be stopped? Without an army? Giles: Um, (reads) 'no w*apon forged can k*ll him.' Not very encouraging. If we could only stop them from assembling him. Buffy: We need to find his weak spots, and we need to figure out where they'd be keeping him. Giles: This could take time. Willow: Better do a round robin. Xander, you go first. Buffy: Good call. Xander heads for the phone. Giles: Round robin? Willow: It's when everybody calls everybody else's mom and tells them they're staying at everyone's house. Buffy: Thus freeing us up for world saveage. Willow: (smiles) And all-night keggers! (gets looks from Buffy and Giles) What, only Xander gets to make dumb jokes? Xander: (on the phone) Mom, hi. Xander. Yeah, uh, Willow and I are gonna be studying all night long, so I'm not gonna be coming home. Cut to later. The research is going hot and heavy. Xander walks over to Willow at the counter with another open book. Xander: Tsk. I think I read this already. Willow: I can't get over how cool Oz was about all this. Xander: Gee, I'm over it. Willow: (smugly) You're just jealous 'cause you didn't have a date for the party. Xander: No, I sure didn't. Giles: (comes out into the main room) Angel? Any luck? Angel comes down out of the stacks. Giles sees Buffy asleep in his office and holds up his hand to silence Angel. He follows Giles' gaze into the office. Giles: Sh-sh-sh. They see Buffy with her head down on the desk. He waves Angel to follow him. Giles: (whispers) Seems Buffy needed some rest. Angel: Yeah. She hasn't been sleeping well. Tossing and turning. (everyone looks at him) She told me. Because of her dreams? They all go back to their tasks. The camera closes in on Buffy and loses its focus. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Buffy walks in, looking at the party decorations. All around candles on tall sticks have b*rned way down. She goes to the table and walks around it. On the other side she sees Jenny walking the other way. She's confused about that, but gets distracted by several boxes sitting on the floor and goes over to them. Drusilla: Now, now. Buffy spins around to see her on the upper level holding Angel in front of her. Drusilla: Hands off my presents. She puts a sharp blade to Angel's neck. Buffy: No! Cut to Giles' office. Buffy wakes from her nightmare with a start. Buffy: Angel! Angel: Buffy, it's okay. (she turns to him) I'm here. (she hugs him close) I'm right here. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla stands at the top of the spiral staircase and claps her hands. Drusilla: More music! She bobs her head to the gothic b*at as she descends the steps. The party is going well. She makes her way to the head of the table and begins to dance there. "Transylvanian Concubine", performed by Rasputina, plays. Lyrics: If you want to know how / To fly high then go now / To the place where all the concubines... / Meet and converse with them / Marvel at their pale skin / Wonder how they chew on their pointy... / Teeth and hair are beauty / They know it's their duty / To be Countess in their hearts and their... Spike comes rolling in with a large box in his lap. Spike: Look what I have for you, ducks. Drusilla looks over at him. Lyrics: Minds that have to whisper / See in them a sister / Look into their eyes and you'll become / Transylvanian Concubine Drusilla smiles and steps over to him. Drusilla: Ahh... The best is saved for last. She takes the box from him and hands it to two vampires. Lyrics: You know what flows there like wine / Sorrow is their master / Cackling with laughter / Now he's having just one piece of... The two vampires take it over to where the other boxes have been assembled into the shape of a body. They raise the box and set the head in place. Lyrics: Cakey is their make up / Catholics try to shake up... Once in place, a bright light emanates through the cracks in the boxes. Drusilla: (smiles) Hmm. The front of the now unified boxes opens like a pair of twin gates to allow the Judge to step out. His skin is blue, and he has small horns on his forehead. He opens his eyes. Drusilla: He's perfect, my darling. Spike looks up at her. Drusilla: Just what I wanted. She steps back to him and takes his hand. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Spike's warehouse. Drusilla looks up at the Judge. Drusilla: Goll... The Judge steps out of his box. He has difficulty keeping his balance. He points at Drusilla. Judge: You! Spike: (rolls over to him in Dru's defense) Ho, ho, ho. What's that, mate? Judge: You two stink of humanity. You share affection and jealousy. Spike: Yeah. What of it? (taps his armor) Do I have to remind you that we're the ones who brought you here? Drusilla: (smiles) Would you like a party favor? (indicates her guests) The Judge looks at the party guests. His gaze settles on Dalton. Judge: This one is full of feeling. He reads. Bring him to me. Another vampire grabs Dalton and keeps him from running away. Spike: What's with the bringing? I thought you could just zap people. Judge: My full strength will return in time. Until then... I need contact. The Judge steps over to Dalton. Dalton: No. No! NO! The Judge puts his hand on Dalton's chest, and he begins to smoke. Drusilla watches excitedly. The Judge's hand begins to burn into Dalton, who quickly combusts, disappearing in a flash of flame and smoke. Drusilla: (gasps) (gleefully) Do it again! Do it again! She smiles down at Spike. The Judge smiles as he feels his power begin to return. Cut to the library. Buffy comes striding out of the cage. Angel follows her out. Giles looks down at them from the stacks. Giles: Buffy, what's happening? Angel: She had another dream. Buffy: I think I know where Spike and Drusilla are. Giles: (comes down the stairs) That's very good, however, you, you do need a plan. I-I know you're concerned, Buffy, but you can't just go off half-cocked. Buffy: I have a plan. Angel and I go to the factory and do recon, figure out how far they've gotten assembling the Judge. You guys check any places the boxes could be coming into town. Shipping yards, airports, anything. We need to stop them from getting all the boxes in one place. Giles: Yes. Yes, well, um, actually, that's quite a good plan. Buffy: This thing is nasty, and it's real, Giles. We can't wait for it to come get us. Giles: Right. Buffy grabs her bag, and she and Angel make tracks for the door. Cut to outside Spike's warehouse. The camera pans up to a second floor window. Cut inside. Buffy and Angel sneak quietly along the upper level. They look down at the party going on below. They walk to the railing. Buffy: I saw this. (whispers) The party. They see the Judge walk into view flanked by Spike with Drusilla following. The Judge stops and senses something. Spike: What? What is it? The Judge looks around, then up at Buffy and Angel and growls. Angel: We gotta get outta here. They try to make a run for it, but there are vampires heading them off on both sides. They are captured. Cut below. Buffy and Angel are brought before Spike, Drusilla and the Judge. Spike: Well, well. Look what we have here. Crashers. Buffy: I'm sure our invitations just got lost in the mail. Drusilla: It's delicious. (licks her fingers) (to Angel) I only dreamed you'd come. Rrrr. Angel: (struggles) Leave her alone. Spike: Yeah, that'll work. Now say 'pretty please'. (smiles) Judge: The girl. Drusilla: Chilling, isn't it? She's so full of good intention. Angel gets himself between the Judge and Buffy. Angel: Take me! Buffy: No! Angel: Take me instead of her! Spike: (raises his hand) Uh, you're not clear on the concept, pal. There is no instead. Just first and second. Drusilla: And if you go first, you don't get to watch the Slayer die. Angel's captors pull him back. The Judge reaches for Buffy. Angel looks up and around for a way out of this. Drusilla wraps her arms around Spike and smiles. Angel sees the chains holding up Spike's video monitors. Then he sees Buffy getting ready to defend herself. Angel: Don't touch him! Buffy kicks the Judge in the chest and knocks him back. Angel shakes off his captors and lunges for the chains. The Judge comes to a stop beneath the monitors, and Angel releases them. They crash to the floor on top of the Judge, hard enough to knock a hole in the floor. Buffy struggles free also, and runs to Angel. She sees the hole in the floor. Buffy: This way! They go to the hole, and Buffy jumps down into the sewers below. Cut to the sewers. Buffy rolls away from the hole, and Angel drops down behind her. They get to their feet and start down the tunnels. Cut inside the warehouse. Drusilla gives the order to pursue. Drusilla: Go! Two vampires rush to give chase. Cut to the sewers. Buffy and Angel pull a door closed behind them as their two pursuers drop through the hole and start after them. They look around to see where they went, but don't see anyone. They start down the tunnel, checking the side tunnels as they go, and continue past the door. When they've gone by Buffy opens the door and checks if the coast is clear. Seeing no one she steps over to a ladder and starts up. Cut to the surface. She lifts a manhole cover up, pushes it aside and quickly climbs out into the pouring rain. Angel follows right behind. Angel: Come on. We need to get inside. Cut to Angel's apartment. He opens the door, and they come in. He turns on the light. Buffy closes the door behind them. He takes off his heavy coat and lays it aside. Buffy is soaked through to her skin without a coat or jacket. Angel: You're shaking like a leaf. Buffy: Cold. Angel: Let me get you something. He gets some things from his armoire and hands them to her. Angel: Put these on. Get under the covers, just to warm up. Buffy walks over to his bed and sits down. She looks up at him. He faces away to give her privacy. Angel: Sorry. Buffy takes off her top shirt and winces and inhales in pain. Angel: What? Buffy: Oh, um... It's okay. I just have a cut or something. Angel: Can I... Lemme see. Buffy clutches her shirt to her chest. Buffy: (whispers) Okay. Angel turns around and sits down on the bed behind her. He gently touches her back and looks at the cut. Angel: It's already closed. You're fine. Buffy leans back into him and cuddles her face to his. He puts his arms around her. Buffy: You almost went away today. Angel: We both did. Buffy: (sobs) Angel... (sniffles) I feel like I lost you... (sniffles) You're right, though. We can't be sure of anything. Angel: Shhh. I... She turns around to look at him. Buffy: You what? Angel: I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop. Buffy: Me, me, too. I can't either. They start to kiss. After a moment Angel breaks off. Angel: Buffy, maybe we shouldn't... Buffy: (stops him) Don't. Just kiss me. Cut to later. They are both in bed asleep. Outside lightning strikes, and Angel wakes with a start and gasps for air as he sits up. Angel: Ahh! He gets up from the bed and hurries off. Cut outside to an alley. Angel has dressed and crashes through the door into the rain. He stumbles over some trashcans and falls to the pavement. He cries out in pain and fear. Angel: Buffy! Cut to the apartment. Buffy stirs slightly but keeps sleeping. Angel: Buffyyyyy! To be continued...

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x13 - Surprise"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Spike's warehouse. The Judge is kneeling in a corner facing a bunch of storage racks. Spike wheels into view and stops about twenty feet from him. He pushes himself a few feet closer and turns around. Spike: I'm not happy, pet. Angel and the Slayer are still alive. They know where we are, they know about the Judge. We should be vacating. Drusilla: (walks up to him) Nonsense. (takes his hand) They'll not disturb us here. My Angel's too smart to face the Judge again. Spike: (glances over his shoulder) What's Big Blue up to anyway? He just sits there. (looks away) Judge: I am preparing. Spike: (rolls his eyes) Yeah. (turns and wheels over to him) It's interesting to me that 'preparing' looks a great bit like sitting on your ass. (facing him) When do we destroy the world already? Judge: My strength grows, and with every life I take it will increase further. Spike: So let's take some. I'm bored. Drusilla starts moaning. Spike: (looks back at her) Dru? Drusilla collapses to the floor and begins to cry. Drusilla: Angel... Spike: (concerned) Dru? (rolls to her) What is it? (stops by her) Dru! The camera pans around to her face. Spike: Darling... Do you see something? Her crying gives way to an evil smile. Cut to Angel's apartment. Buffy stirs in his bed and reaches over for him. She opens her eyes, suddenly wide awake when she doesn't find him there and looks around. She sits up in bed. Outside it's still raining hard, and lightning strikes. She looks around the room again, but Angel is nowhere to be seen. Buffy: Angel? Cut outside to the alley. The rain has let up. Angel falls to the pavement and props himself up on his hands. Angel: Buffy... He can't hold himself up and collapses to the ground. Angel: (frightened) Oh, no. A hooker standing in a doorway sees him and slowly walks over to him. Hooker: Hey. You okay? (bends down to look at him) You want me to call 911? Angel: (suddenly stands up) No. The pain is gone. Hooker: You sure? Angel: Yeah. He spins around, game face on, grabs her and violently bites her on the neck to feed. He drops her d*ad body, tilts his head up and blows out the smoke he's just inhaled through her neck from her lungs. Angelus: I feel just fine. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at Buffy's house. She quietly opens the kitchen door, looks around, comes in and carefully closes it behind her. She keeps an eye out for her mother as she goes around to the stairs. Once there she starts up, stomping rather loudly, and her mother hears her. Joyce: (off camera) Morning. Buffy stops her ascent and comes back down a few steps. Her mother comes over to the base of the staircase. Buffy: Morning. Joyce: So, did you have fun last night? Buffy: Fun? Joyce: At Willow's. Buffy: Yeah. (smiles) Yeah, fun at Willow's. You know, she's a fun machine. Joyce: You hungry? Buffy: No. Uh, no, I-I'm, uh, just gonna go take a shower. Joyce: Well, i-if you hurry, I'll run you to school. Buffy: Thanks. Joyce folds her arms and looks up at Buffy curiously. Joyce: Is something wrong? Buffy's eyes go wide, but she quickly regains her composure. Buffy: No. (shakes her head) What would be wrong? Joyce: (staring) I don't know. You just look... She shakes her head, smiles and goes into the dining room. Buffy breathes a sigh of relief and heads up the stairs. Cut to the library. Xander walks in. Giles looks up at him. Xander: Well, the bus depot was a total washout. And may I say what a lovely place to spend the night. What a vibrant cross-section of Americana. Jenny and Willow look at him concerned. Cordelia sitting on the counter also looks worried. Giles: No vampires transporting boxes? Xander: No, but a four-hundred-pound wino offered to wash my hair. (looks at everyone) What's up? Where's Buffy? Willow: She never checked in. Giles: If the bus depot is as empty as the... docks and the airport... Xander: Do you think this Judge guy's already been assembled? Giles: Yes. Xander: Then Buffy could be... Okay, we gotta find 'em. (thinks) Um, we gotta go to that place, that, uh, that factory. That's where they're holed up, right? (looks back at Willow and Jenny) Let's go. Cordelia: And do what? Besides be afraid and die. Xander: Well, nobody's asking you to go, Cordelia. If the vampires need grooming tips we'll give you a call. Giles: Cordelia has a point. Now, i-i-if Buffy and Angel were, were... harmed, then we don't stand to fare much better. Xander: Yeah? Well, those of us who were born with feelings are gonna do something about this. Jenny: Xander. Willow: No, Xander's right! My God, you people are all... Well, I'm upset, and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are, and we're going to the factory! (starts out) Xander: Yeah! (follows) Just then Buffy comes into the library. Willow: Buffy! Xander: We were just going to rescue you. Willow: (throws Giles a look) Well, some of us were. Giles: Well, I-I would have. Jenny: Where's Angel? Buffy: He didn't check in with you guys? Giles: No. Cordelia: (slides off the counter) What happened? Giles: The Judge, i-is he... Buffy: No assembly required. He's active. Giles: (whispers) Oh, damn it. (removes his glasses) Buffy: He nearly k*lled us. Angel got us out. Giles: Why didn't you call? We, we, we thought... Buffy: Well, we, we had to hide. Uh, we got stuck in the sewer tunnels, and with the hiding, we just split up... Uh, no one's heard from him? Willow: I'm sure he'll come by. Buffy: Yeah, I'm, I'm sure you're right. Giles: Buffy, the Judge, we, we must stop him. Buffy: I know. Giles: What can you tell us? Buffy: Not much. I, um... I kicked him. It was just like a sudden fever. If he'd got his hands on me... Giles: In time, he won't need to. The stronger he gets, he'll be able to reduce us to charcoal with a look. Buffy: Also, not the prettiest man in town. Giles: I better continue researching, must look for a weak spot. The rest of you should get to your classes. Jenny: Yeah, I better go, too. They all start out. Buffy is the first one out the door. Xander: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (holds the door open) Willow: Buffy, wait up! Jenny: (stops on the way out) (to Giles) I'll, uh, go on the 'Net and search for anything on the Judge. Giles: Thank you. Xander: After classes I'll come back and help you research. Cordelia: (pats him as she walks out) Yeah, you might find something useful if it's in an 'I Can Read' book. Xander looks like he's ready to k*ll her. Cut to the halls by the stairs. Buffy is about to go up when Willow catches up and stops her. Willow: You don't think Angel would have gone after the Judge himself, do you? Buffy: No, he'd know better than that. Maybe he just needed... I don't know. I just, I wish he'd contact me. I need to talk to him. They start up the stairs. Jenny looks around the corner and watches them go up. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is laid out on her back on the big table. Spike wheels himself around to her. She looks up at the ceiling blissfully. Spike: (smiles) Are we feeling better, then? (leans on the table) Drusilla: (sighs) I'm naming all the stars. Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day. Drusilla: I can see them. But I've named them all the same name. (tilts her head to him) And there's terrible confusion. Spike: Did you see any further? Do you know what happens to Angel? Angelus: (appears at a side door) Well, (clears his throat) he moves to New York and tries to fulfill that Broadway dream. It's tough sledding, but one day he's working in the chorus when the big star twists her ankle. Spike: You don't give up, do you? Angelus: (slowly comes over) As long as there's injustice in the world, as long as scum like you is walking... (notices the wheelchair) well, rolling the streets... I'll be around. (stops a few feet away) Look over your shoulder. I'll be there. Spike: Uh, yeah. Angel, um... look over *your* shoulder. Angelus turns around, and the Judge puts his hand on his chest. Spike: Hurts, doesn't it? Angelus: (looks back) Well, you know, it kinda itches a little. Spike: (to the Judge) Don't just stand there. Burn him. Angelus: Gee, maybe he's broken. Spike: (to Drusilla) What the hell is going on? Drusilla's face takes on a look of realization. Judge: This one... cannot be burnt. He is clean. (removes his hand) Spike: Clean? You mean, he's... Judge: There's no humanity in him. (turns and goes) Angelus: (faces Spike) I couldn't have said it better myself. Drusilla: Angel. Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Spike's warehouse. Spike: Is it really true? Angelus: It's really true. (laughs and walks around the table) Drusilla: (follows him with her gaze) You've come home. Spike: No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap? (follows him) Angelus: What can I say, hmm? (strikes a match on the table) I was going through a phase. (lights a cigarette) Spike: This is great! This is so great! Drusilla: (walks on the table waving her arms) Everything in my head is singing! (Angelus laughs) We're family again. (Angelus helps her off of the table) We'll feed. Grrr. (turns to Spike) And we'll play. (leans in to him) Spike: I've got to tell you, it made me sick to my stomach seeing you being the Slayer's lap dog. Angelus growls and grabs Spike by the shirt. Then he kisses him on the forehead and steps back. Spike busts up laughing. Angelus and Drusilla join in. Drusilla: How did this happen? Angelus: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Spike: Oh, who cares? What matters is now he's back! Now it's four against one, which are the kind of odds I like to play. Drusilla: (leans toward Angelus) Psst. We're going to destroy the world. Want to come? Angelus: (plays with his cigarette) Yeah. Destroying the world. Great. I'm really more interested in the Slayer. Spike: Well, she's *in* the world, so that should work out. Angelus: Give me tonight. Hmm? Spike: What do you mean? Angelus: Lay low for a night. I guarantee you by the time you go public she won't be anything resembling a thr*at. Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you? Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive. Cut to the library. Cordelia walks by the counter looking through a book. Xander is lying on top of the counter, also studying a book. Giles is in his office reading through yet another book. Willow is on the phone with Buffy. Willow: Ok. No, no, he didn't, but I'm sure he'll... Well, Buffy, he probably has some plan, and he's trying to protect you. Well, I-I don't know what. I'm not in on the plan. It's his plan. No. Don't even say that! Angel is not d*ad. Xander: Say 'hi' for me. Willow: (into the phone) Yeah, of course we'll be here. Okay, bye. (hangs up) (to Xander) Say 'hi' for me? Xander: What's the word? Willow: She's checked every place she can think of. She even b*at up Willy the snitch a couple of times. Angel's vanished. Giles: (standing in his doorway) But he does do that on occasion, no? Willow: Oh, yeah, but she's extra wigged this time. I guess 'cause of her dreams. God, what if something really happened to him? Giles: Is she gonna join us here? Willow: Yeah. She's just stopping at home first. Xander slams his book shut and jumps off of the counter. Xander: Nada. He heads for the stacks with it. Cut to the stacks. Xander finds Cordelia on his way to return the book to its place on the shelves. Xander: Did you find anything? (shelves the book) Cordelia: This book mentions the Judge, but nothing useful. Big, scary, no w*apon forged can stop him, took an army to take him down. Blah, blah, blah. Xander: We need some insight, a weak spot. Cordelia: Well, we're not gonna find it here. She shelves the book as Xander comes over to her. She turns to face him. Xander: Sorry I snapped at you before. Cordelia: Well, I'm reeling from that new experience. Xander: I was crazed. I wasn't thinking. Cordelia: I know. You were too busy rushing off to die for your beloved Buffy. You'd never die for me. Xander: No, I might die *from* you. Does that get me any points? Cordelia: No. Xander: Come on, can't we just kiss and make up? Cordelia: I don't wanna make up. (he starts to go, but she stops him) But I'm okay with the other part. (smiles) Xander smiles back and they start to kiss. After a few moments Cordelia giggles and smiles and they pull apart. Willow is standing behind them, completely confused and upset. Xander: Willow, uh... She darts off. Xander runs after her. Xander: We were just... Willow! Willow! Cordelia realizes they've been found out and begins to consider the implications. Cut to the halls. Willow comes running out of the library. Xander is right behind her. Xander: Willow, come on! Willow: (stops and confronts him, shaking her finger) I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural! Xander: I know it's weird... Willow: Weird? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's (disgusted) Cordelia! Remember? The, the 'We Hate Cordelia' club, of which you are the treasurer. Xander: Look, I was gonna tell you. Willow: Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame? Xander: All right, let's overreact, shall we? Willow: But I'm... Xander: Willow, we were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much. Willow: No. It just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate than be with me. She runs from the hall, leaving Xander just standing there to consider her words. He reluctantly turns to go back into the library. Cut to the Summers house. Buffy comes up the walkway to the porch. She looks at her door a moment, then turns and goes away. Cut to Angelus' apartment. Buffy opens the door, comes in and closes it behind her. She walks over to the bed and sees it's been made. One of his shirts is laid out on it. She goes over to the bed and reaches for the shirt. Behind her Angelus steps over to a statue, picks up a necklace hanging from it and puts it on. Buffy turns and sees him. Buffy: Angel! (runs to him) Angelus: Hey! Buffy: Oh! Angelus: Hey. She kisses him and they hug. Buffy: Oh, my God! I was so worried! Angelus: I didn't mean to frighten you. Buffy: Where did you go? Angelus: Been around. Buffy: Ohhh. Oh, my God! (hugs him again) I was freaking out! You just disappeared. Angelus: What? I took off. (goes to his bed for the shirt) Buffy: (confused) But you didn't say anything. You just left. Angelus: (pulls on the shirt) Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that. Buffy: What? Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night. Buffy: What are you saying? Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? (goes for his coat) In fact, let's not talk about it at all. (pulls it on) It happened. Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? (meekly) Was I not good? Angelus: (laughs) You were great. Really. (snidely) I thought you were a pro. Buffy: How can you say this to me? Angelus: Lighten up. It was a good time. It doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal. Buffy: It *is* a big deal! Angelus: It's what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? (laughs) Come on, Buffy. It's not like I've never been there before. He reaches his hand up to her face and she jerks back. Buffy: Don't touch me. Angelus: (shakes his finger at her) I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it. (starts to go) Buffy: Angel! (he stops and faces her) (teary-eyed) I love you. Angelus: (points coolly at her) Love you, too. (turns away) I'll call you. He goes out the door. Buffy can only watch him go, extremely upset and confused. Cut to Enyos' hotel room. He lectures Jenny. Enyos: You know what it is, this thing vengeance? Jenny: Uncle, I have served you. I have been faithful. I need to know... Enyos: (interrupts) To the modern man vengeance is a verb, an idea. Payback. One thing for another. Like commerce. Not with us. Vengeance is a living thing. It passes through generations. It commands. It kills. Jenny: You told me to watch Angel. You told me to keep him from the Slayer. I tried. But there are other factors. There are terrible things happening here that we cannot control. Enyos: We control nothing. We are not wizards, Janna. We merely play our part. Jenny: Angel could be of help to us. I mean, he may be the only chance we have to stop the Judge. Enyos: It is too late for that. Jenny: Why? Enyos: The curse. Angel is meant to suffer, not to live as human. One moment of true happiness, of contentment, one moment where the soul that we restored no longer plagues his thoughts, and that soul is taken from him. Jenny: Then, if somehow, if... if it's happened... then Angelus is back. Enyos: I hoped to stop it. But I realize now it was arranged to be so. Jenny: Buffy loves him. Enyos: And now she will have to k*ll him. Jenny: (stands up) Unless he kills her first! Uncle, this is insanity! People are going to die. Enyos: Yes. It is not justice we serve. It is vengeance. Jenny: (exhales and grabs her coat and bag) You are a fool. We're all fools. Her uncle just watches her go and shakes his head. Cut to the lounge at school. Willow comes down the hall. Xander comes out of the bathroom, sees her there and jogs over to her. Xander: Will. She hugs her arms around herself and turns to face him. Willow: Hey. Xander: Where'd you go? Willow: Home. Xander: I'm glad you came back. We can't do this without you. Willow: Let's get this straight. I don't understand it, I don't wanna understand it, you have gross emotional problems, and things are not okay between us. But what's happening right now is more important than that. Xander: Okay. Willow: (drops her arms) What about the Judge? Where do we stand? Xander: On a pile of really boring books that say exactly the same thing. Willow: Lemme guess: 'no w*apon forged.' Xander: 'It took an army.' Willow: Yeah, where's an army when you need one? (looks at Xander) What? Xander: (looks thoughtful) Whoa. Whoa! I... I think I'm having a thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan. The lights suddenly go out. Xander: Now I'm having a wiggins. Willow: What's going on? Xander: Let's get to the library. Angelus: (appears behind them) Willow. Xander. They turn to look. Xander: Angel. Willow: Thank God you're okay. Did you see Buffy? Angelus: Yeah. What's up with the lights? Xander: I don't know. Listen, I think I have an idea. Angelus: Forget about that now. I... I got something to show you. Willow: Show us? Angelus: Yeah. Xander, go get the others. Xander: Okay. (runs off) Angelus: And Willow. Come here. Willow: (slowly walks toward him) What is it, Angel? Angelus: It's amazing. Cut to Xander running for the library. Suddenly he stops and turns around, realizing something is wrong. Cut to the lounge area. Jenny appears in the hall opposite Angelus holding up a cross. Jenny: Willow, get away from him. Willow: (stops and looks at her) What? Jenny: Walk to me. Willow: What are you talking about? It's Ang... Angelus has sneaked up behind her and grabs her by the throat. She lets out a frightened yelp. Xander comes running through the door from the other hall. Xander: Don't do that! Angelus: Oh, I think I do that. Willow: Angel... Jenny: He's not Angel anymore. Are you? Angelus: Wrong. I *am* Angel. (tightens his grip on Willow) At last! Xander: Oh, my God. Angelus: I got a message for Buffy. Buffy: (appears behind him) Why don't you give it to me yourself? Angelus spins around with Willow to face her. Angelus: Well, it's not really the kind of message you tell. It sort of involves finding the bodies of all your friends. He tightens his grip on Willow even more and she lets out another pained yelp. Buffy: This can't be you. Angelus: Gee, we already covered that subject. Buffy: Angel, there must be some part of you inside that still remembers who you are. Angelus: Dream on, schoolgirl. Xander takes the cross from Jenny and starts toward Angelus. Angelus: Your boyfriend is d*ad. You're all gonna join him. Buffy: Leave Willow alone, and deal with me. Angelus: But she's so cute (pinches her cheek) and helpless. (Xander gets closer) Really a turn-on. Xander shoves the cross into Angelus' face from behind. He reels back and drops Willow. She cries out as she falls backward into Xander, and they collapse against the wall. Angelus turns to Jenny and wards her off with a hand as he starts to back down the hall. When he reaches Buffy he grabs her by the shoulders. She inhales in fright. Angelus: (whispers) Things are about to get *very* interesting. He kisses her, shoves her into the wall and backs out the door. Willow and Xander are up again. Xander: Buffy, you okay? Buffy just stares at the door. Xander: Buffy. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Giles paces. Xander stands while Willow and Cordelia sit at the table. Jenny is leaning against the shelves behind them. Giles: And we're absolutely certain that, that Angel has reverted to his former self? Xander: Yeah, uh, we're all certain. Anyone not feeling certain here? Willow: Giles, you wouldn't have believed him. He was so... He came here to k*ll us. Cordelia: What are we gonna do? Giles: I'm leaning towards blind panic myself. Jenny: Rupert, don't talk like that. The kids. Giles: I'm sorry. It's just that things are bad enough with the Judge here. Angel crossing over to the other side... I-I-I wasn't prepared for that. Jenny: None of us were. The camera pans over to Buffy sitting at the table opposite Willow. She's looking down sadly. Willow notices and gets up to go to her. Willow: Are you okay? Buffy shakes her head 'no'. Willow: Is there anything I can do? Buffy: (shakes her head) I should've known. When I saw him at the house, he was different. The things he said... Giles: What things? Buffy: It's private. Jenny: But you didn't know he had turned bad? Willow: (looks at Jenny) How did you? Jenny: (looks at Willow) What? Willow: Well, you knew. You told me to get away from him. Jenny: Well, I saw his face. Giles: If only we knew how it happened. (sits on the table) Buffy: What do you mean? Giles: Well, something set it off. Some, some, uh, event must've triggered his transformation. Well, if anyone would know, Buffy, it-it should be you. Buffy: I don't. Giles: Well, did anything happen last night that, that might... Buffy: Giles, please, I can't. (runs from the library) Giles: Buffy, I'm sorry, but we can't afford to... Buffy! Willow: (watching Buffy run) Giles, shut up. Cut to the hall. Buffy runs out of the library and down the hall. Cut back into the library. Cordelia: This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer is a basket case... I'd say we've h*t bottom. Xander: I have a plan. Cordelia: Oh, no, here's a lower place. Xander: I don't know what's up with Angel, but I think I may have a way to deal with this Judge guy. Sits on the table by Cordelia. Willow: What do we do? Xander: I think, um... (looks at Cordelia, then back at Willow) I think I may need Cordelia for this one. Willow lowers her eyes for just an instant. Xander: And we may need wheels. Cordelia: Well, my car is... Xander: It might have to be bigger. Willow: No problem. I'll get Oz. He has a van. Xander: Good. (looks at Cordelia) Okay. Cordelia: Care to let me in on the plan I'm a part of? Xander: No. Cordelia: Why not? (stands up with her hands on her hips) Xander: Because if I tell you, then you won't do it. Just meet me at Willow's house in half an hour. And wear something trashy... (looks at her) ...er. (walks off) Cordelia is incensed and follows him. Giles: I'm not sure what we should do about Buffy. Jenny: Assuming they don't att*ck tonight I think we should just let her be. Willow: I agree. Giles: I-I-I can imagine what she's going through. Willow: No, I don't think you can. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is holding Miss Edith. Angelus: You should've seen her face. It was priceless. (hops up on a conveyor platform and sits) I'll never forget it. Spike: So you didn't k*ll her then. Angelus: Of course not. Spike: (exhales) Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do k*ll people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know. Drusilla: You don't want to k*ll her, do you? (pokes Miss Edith's eyes) You want to hurt her. (smiles up at him) Just like you hurt me. Angelus: Nobody knows me like you do, Dru. Spike: She'd better not get in our way. Angelus: Don't worry about it. Spike: I do. Angelus: Spike, (slams his hand on a crate) my boy, (pushes it along the rollers) you *really* don't get it! (stands up) Do you? (chuckles) You tried to k*ll her, but you couldn't. (chuckles) Look at you. You're a wreck! (approaches him) She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. (hops off of the platform) Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. (sits on the platform) To k*ll this girl... you have to love her. Cut to Buffy's room. She comes in and gently closes the door behind her. She sniffs as she unbuttons her coat. She sees her cross and necklace hanging from its hook and takes it in her hand. It sparkles in the light. She lets go of it, letting it swing. She looks down at the ring on her hand that Angel gave her. She pulls it off of her finger and looks at it, bursting into tears. She goes to her bed and lies on it, clutching the ring and crying uncontrollably. The camera pulls back from her as she curls up on her bed. Eventually she falls asleep and dreams. She and Angel are in bed caressing each other. Buffy runs her hand down his back over his tattoo. They both have on their rings. Angel kisses her gently on the neck. Buffy holds him with her ringed hand. She kisses his fingers. They move under the sheets. He kisses her lips tenderly. Angel: I love you. She opens her eyes and for an instant sees him in his game face. Cut to a funeral in bright daylight. Angel walks up to the grave. Buffy looks over at him. He looks up at her, his face bathed in sunlight. Angel: You have to know what to see. She looks at him, not really understanding, and then back down at the grave. She looks over at the other people attending the funeral and sees Jenny lifting the veil from her face. Buffy wakes with a start, eyes open wide. She suddenly realizes Jenny has something to do with this. Cut to the school. Buffy marches straight to Ms. Calendar's classroom. Cut into the classroom. There are students sitting at all the computers, but she doesn't care. Jenny and Giles see her come in and smile in greeting. Giles: Oh, Buffy. Buffy goes right past Giles straight to Jenny, puts her hand around her throat and shoves her back onto her desk. Giles: Buffy! (tries to pull her off) Buffy: What do you know?! Student: (gets up) Should I get the principal? Giles: (to the class) No, I-I-I'll deal with this. Y-y-you're, you're all dismissed! (they all leave) Buffy: (lets go and steps back) Did you do it? Did you change him? Giles: For God's sake, calm down! Buffy: Did you know this was gonna happen? Giles: You can't go around accusing everybody... Jenny: (interrupts) I didn't know... exactly. I was told... (whispers) Oh, God. (speaks) I was sent here to watch you. They told me to keep you and Angel apart. They never told me what would happen. Giles: (surprised and confused) Jenny! Jenny: I'm sorry, Rupert. Angel was supposed to pay for what he did to my people. Buffy: And me? What was I supposed to be paying for? Jenny: I didn't know what would happen until after. I swear I would've told you. Buffy: So it was me. I did it. Jenny: I think so. I mean, if you... Giles: (demanding) I don't understand. Jenny: The curse. If Angel achieved true happiness, even just a moment of... He would lose his soul. Giles: W-w-w-h-h-how do you know you were responsible f-for... Buffy gives him a look. He takes off his glasses. Giles: Oh. They all look down. Jenny: If there is anything that... Buffy: Curse him again. Jenny: No, I-I can't. I mean, those magicks are long lost even to my people. Buffy: You did it once. It might not be too late to save him. Jenny: It can't be done. I can't help you. Buffy: Then take me to someone who can. Cut to Enyos' hotel room. He's smoking on his pipe. He hears the door open. Enyos: I knew she would bring you. I suppose you want answers. Angelus: Not really. Enyos' face takes on a look of terror. He gets up and faces him. Angelus: But thanks for the offer. Cut to an Army base outside Sunnydale. The camera pans from a high vantage point over a group of soldiers standing at attention. Sergeant: Right face, hu! Double-time, hu! (they march off) Left, left, left, left... The camera comes down behind the barbed wire fence and pans over behind a supply building as Oz's van pulls up. Xander: Wait here. When you guys see that window open get out the ladder, come up, we'll pass you the package, okay? Oz: Okay. Willow: Be careful. Xander opens the side doors and gets out. Cordelia follows him. Cut to the fence. Xander cuts a few more links, pushes the fence aside and squeezes through. Cordelia is right behind him. Xander: The security here really is a joke. I should, uh, report it. Cordelia: Who am I supposed to be again? Xander: You're supposed to be a girl. Think you can handle it? Cordelia slaps him on the arm. They sneak along the side of the building and look out from behind some crates. The coast looks clear, so they continue past a truck. A group of soldiers can be heard quickly marching by. Xander peeks out from behind the truck, and the way still looks clear. He steps over to the door and is about to reach for the knob when they are discovered by a soldier on guard duty. Soldier: Halt! (Xander sh**t up his arms) Identify yourself right the hell now. Xander: Uh... Private Harris with the, uh... 33rd. Soldier: 33rd are on maneuvers. Xander: Right! Uh, I'm on leave. (turns around slowly) From them. Soldier: You always spend your leave snooping around the armory, pal? And who is she? Cordelia: Hi. I'm not a soldier. (to Xander) Right? Xander: (approaches the guard, hands still up) Look, I... I just want to give her the tour. Uh, you know what I'm saying. Soldier: The tour. Xander: Well, you know the ladies. They like to see the big g*n. Gets them all hot and bothered. Can you cut me some slack, gimme a blind eye? Soldier: And why should I? Xander: Well, if you do, I won't tell Colonel Newsome that your boots ain't regulation, your post wasn't covered, (grabs his M-16 and gives it back to him properly) and you hold your g*n like a sissy girl. Soldier: (takes the r*fle) You got 20 minutes, nimrod. Xander: (smiles) I just need 5. (starts for the door, but looks back) Uh, forget I said that last part. The guard checks his watch. Xander opens the door to let Cordelia in, gives the guard a thumb's-up and follows her in. Cut inside. Cordelia: Okay, what was that? And who are you? Xander: Remember Halloween, I got turned into a soldier? Cordelia: Yeah. Xander: Well, I still remember all of it. I know procedure, ordnance, access codes, everything. I know the whole layout for this base, and I'm pretty sure I can put together an M-16 in 57 seconds. Cordelia: Well, I'm sort of impressed. But let's just find the thing and get out of here. Xander: Okay. (starts looking around) Cordelia: (hops onto a crate to sit) So, does looking at g*n really make girls wanna have sex? That's scary. Xander: Yeah, I guess. Cordelia: Well, does looking at g*n make you wanna have sex? Xander: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex. Cordelia just looks at him. Cut outside to the van. Willow: I wish they'd hurry. (cut inside the van) Oz: So, do you guys steal w*apon from the Army a lot? Willow: Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun. Oz: I get you. Willow: (after a pause) Do you wanna make out with me? Oz: What? Willow: (looks away) Forget it. I'm sorry. (decides she wants to know) Well, do you? Oz: Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... You know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage. He nods his head and smiles to himself. Willow smiles over at him. He looks up at her. Oz: Oh, I'm not gonna kiss you. Willow: (confused) What? But freeze frame! Oz: Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend Xander jealous or even the score or something. And that's on the empty side. (looks off into space) See, in my fantasy when I'm kissing *you*, you're kissing *me*. (looks back at her) It's okay. I can wait. (sees the window open) We're up. He gets out of the van. Willow watches him get out and smiles. Cut to the hotel room. Jenny, Buffy and Giles come in. Jenny: Oh, my God. She rushes in to her uncle. He's laid out on the bed, d*ad and covered with blood. Buffy looks up at the wall behind him. A message is written there in blood: WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU TOO. Giles: He's doing this deliberately, Buffy. He's trying to make it harder for you. Buffy: He's only making it easier. I know what I have to do. Giles: What? Buffy: k*ll him. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Spike's warehouse. Angelus comes down the metal spiral staircase. The Judge slowly comes over to Spike. Judge: I am ready. Spike: About time. Drusilla sits on his lap and kisses him. The Judge walks off in disgust. Spike: Have fun. Angelus: (bending to Spike's ear) Too bad you can't come with, huh? I'll be thinkin' of you. Spike: I won't be in this chair forever. Angelus takes Drusilla's hand and they start out after the Judge. Spike: What happens if your girlfriend shows up? Angelus: I'm gonna give her a kiss. (to the Judge) Don't you look spiffy! Judge: Spiffy? Drusilla smiles up at him. Spike is left behind all by himself. Cut to Giles' office. Xander and Oz lift a long crate onto his desk. Xander: Happy Birthday, Buffy. I hope you like the color. (steps back) She looks down at the box. Giles positions a crowbar on the lock. Buffy: Giles, we go to the factory first, but they might not be there. They're on the offensive. We need to figure out where they'd go. Giles lifts on the crowbar and breaks the clasp. Giles: Agreed. (opens the box) Buffy: (looks into the box) This is good. Jenny: (in the doorway) Do you, uh... (Giles looks at her) Is there something I can do? Buffy: Get out. Jenny: I-I just want to help. Giles: (looks away) She just said get out. Buffy looks up at Giles. He looks sadly into the crate. Jenny turns around and leaves. Xander: (steps up) Do you want me to show you how to use it? Buffy: Yes, I do. Cut to Spike's warehouse. It's deserted. Buffy walks up to the table. Buffy: I knew it. Giles: (looking up and around) We haven't a bead on where they would go? Buffy: (exhales) I don't know, uh... somewhere crowded, I guess. I mean, the Judge needs bodies, right? Willow: The Bronze? Xander: It's closed tonight. Cordelia: There's not a lot of choices in Sunnydale. It's not like people are gonna line up to get massacred. Oz: Uh, guys? If I were gonna line up, I know where I'd go. Cut to Sunnydale Mall. The camera pans across a line of people at the refreshment stand in the middle of the mall. It pans over the top to show a double door at the end of the mall on a landing midway between floors. The area between the shops is crowded with people. Cut to the stairs. They lead up from both sides to the landing. Customers are going up and down between the floors. The camera follows a woman up one side and over to the doors. She continues out of view up the next flight. The doors open, and the Judge, Angelus and Drusilla walk in flanked by their troops. They close the doors behind them. A man is coming up the stairs. The Judge reaches out with his hand, and an arc of energy emanates from it to the man. The man freezes, a look of surprise on his face, and he quickly begins to combust. He disappears in a puff of flame and smoke. Angelus: Lock the exits, boys. The vampires hurry down the stairs to do Angelus' bidding. Angelus: (to the Judge) It's all yours. The Judge smiles. Cut to an elevator. The doors open and Buffy strides out. Giles and Xander follow carrying the crate on their shoulders. The others bring up the rear. Buffy: Everybody keep back. Damage control only. Take out any lesser vamps if you can. I'll handle the Smurf. Cut to the Judge. He takes a couple of steps down. A customer squeezes by Angelus and heads down the stairs branching to the left. A young couple comes up on the right. The Judge extends his arms, and his energy arcs out to and through them. Cut to a sh*t of the stairs from the refreshment stand. The Judge's energy arcs through everyone in the area. They all freeze where they stand. Cut to the Judge. He smiles widely. Angelus and Drusilla enjoy the show. Drusilla: (bouncing with glee) Oh, goody! Suddenly a crossbow bolt hits the Judge in the chest and breaks his concentration. The arcs of energy disappear, and the people are all dazed. The Judge grabs at the bolt and pulls it from his chest. Judge: Who dares? Angelus and Drusilla look over at the refreshment stand. Cut to the stand. The camera pans up from the floor, past Willow, Oz, Giles and Cordelia, past Xander opening the crate and up to Buffy standing on top, holding the crossbow. Buffy: Think I got his attention. Judge: You're a fool. (cut to him) No w*apon forged can stop me. Buffy: (cut to her) (lowers the bow) That was then. Xander hands her the w*apon from the box, and she raises the anti-t*nk rocket launcher to her shoulder. Buffy: This is now. She powers it on. Angelus and Drusilla exchange a look. Buffy sets her sights and opens the trigger guard. The rest of the team takes cover behind the snack counter. Angelus and Drusilla begin to run. Buffy takes aim. The Judge just looks at her. Angel and Drusilla leap over the stair railing. Buffy is ready. Judge: What's that do? Buffy pulls the trigger and the rocket flies straight into the Judge's chest as Angelus and Drusilla fly over the railing. The Judge disappears in an expl*si*n of flame and smoke. The people in the mall scream and start to panic and run. Angelus and Drusilla h*t the floor below. Bits of charred Judge fall all around them. Buffy looks up from the rocket launcher's sights and looks over at them in satisfaction. Angelus gets up and runs off. Drusilla freaks out and runs the other way. The team looks over the counter at what's left of the Judge. The smoke cloud from the expl*si*n billows its way up to the ceiling. Buffy: Best present ever. (hands the w*apon down to Xander) Xander: Knew you'd like it. Willow: Do you think he's d*ad? Buffy: We can't be sure. Pick up the pieces and keep them separate. They all start over to collect what's left of the Judge. Cordelia: Pieces? We get the pieces. Our job sucks! Cut to a side area of the mall. Angelus comes in and looks up at Buffy. Frightened customers are running every which way. Buffy sees him, jumps down from the refreshment stand and starts to give chase. Angelus struggles past some people and runs. Cut to the area below the expl*si*n. Parts of the Judge lie everywhere and are still burning. The smoke reaches the sprinklers and they turn on everywhere. Cut to the side hall where Buffy last saw Angelus. The sprinklers rain down on her and she's getting soaked. She can't see Angelus anywhere. Suddenly he comes at her and hits her from behind. She falls over backward. Angelus: You know what the worst part was, huh? Pretending that I loved you. If I'd known how easily you'd give it up, I wouldn't have even bothered. Buffy: (gets up) That doesn't work anymore. You're not Angel. Angelus: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? It doesn't matter. The important thing is you made me the man I am today! (smiles evilly) Buffy kicks him in the face. He blocks her next swing and punches her in the face and in the gut. He grabs her and swings her around to throw her, but her footing is good and she regains her balance. He kicks her in the face and this time she falls to the floor. Cut to Willow bending down to pick up a piece of the Judge's armor. She's been soaked to the skin by the sprinklers. The camera pans from her over to Oz who has found an actual body part. Oz: Uh... (points) Arm. Cut to the side area. Angelus grabs Buffy as she tries to get up and heaves her over onto her back again. She rolls around to her feet and comes at him. She swings, but he blocks and hits her instead. He follows up with a backhand punch and she hits the floor again. Angelus: Not quittin' on me already, are ya? (she looks up at him) Come on, Buffy. You know you want it, huh? She leaps up and kicks him in the face. He arches backward and then snaps forward. Buffy knees him in the chin and then delivers a series of punches to his gut. She ends with a punch to his face. He isn't fazed, and lunges at her. She grabs his arm and diverts him into a display case. He crashes through the glass, but immediately straightens back up, breaking the top pane and the frame of the case as well. She kicks him in the face and again in the chest, and he staggers backward into a potted tree. She pulls out a stake and stands ready to finish the job. Angelus straightens up and faces her. Buffy doesn't move, but instead lowers the stake and just stares at him. Angelus: You can't do it. You can't k*ll me. Her anger takes over and she kicks him extremely hard in the crotch. Angelus grabs his groin and moans in extreme pain. He collapses to his knees. Buffy turns her back on him and walks away. Buffy: Give me time. Angelus is on all fours now and can't move to follow her. Cut to the street in front of Buffy's house. Giles pulls up in his ancient car to drop her off. He looks over at her and shuts off the engine. Cut into the car. The only noise is that of the crickets outside. Giles breaks the silence. Giles: It's not over. I-I-I suppose you know that. He'll come after you, particularly. His profile, uh, well, he... he's likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human. Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me. Giles: No. (she looks at him) No, no, I'm not. Buffy: But this is all my fault. Giles: No. I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. A-and I can. I know that you loved him. And... he... has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months a-are gonna, are gonna be hard... I, I suspect on all of us, but... if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is, is my support. And my respect. Buffy smiles at him through her tears. Cut to the living room in Buffy's house. "Stowaway", an old black-and- white movie with Alice Faye and Robert Young, is playing on TV. The actors are dancing slowly, and the woman is singing "Goodnight, My Love" to the man. Lyrics: Goodnight, my love / My moment with you now is ending / It was so heavenly holding you close to me Joyce comes in holding a plate with two cupcakes, one with a candle, and a large coffee mug. Joyce: Did I miss anything? Buffy: Um... just some singing and some running around. Joyce sets down the plate and mug and looks around for the matches. Joyce: Mm. I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you a real cake. (finds the matches) Buffy: No. This is good. Joyce sits back on the couch with her feet up. Joyce: But we're still going shopping on Saturday. (Buffy looks at her) So what'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun? Buffy: (looks down, then back up) I got older. Joyce: (looks into her face) You look the same to me. She leans back to the table and strikes a match to light the candle. The wick starts to burn and she blows out the match. She sets the matchbook and spent match on the table and leans back on the couch again facing her daughter. Joyce: Happy Birthday. (smiles) I don't have to sing, do I? Buffy: (looks down at her hands) No. Joyce: (indicates the burning candle) Well, go on, make a wish. Buffy stares at it for a long moment. Buffy: I'll just let it burn. Joyce reaches up and strokes her daughter's hair. Buffy leans over and rests her head on her mother. Joyce continues gently stroking Buffy's hair. The song in the movie comes to an end. Lyrics: Sleep tight, my love / Goodnight, my love / Remember that you're mine, sweetheart

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x14 - Innocence"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Sunnydale High. Cut to the hall by the trophy case. Oz is hunched over inspecting Catherine Madison's cheerleading trophy. He stares at its eyes as he moves his head from one side to the other. Willow enters the hall from outside and comes up to him. Willow: (smiles) Hi. Oz: (straightens up) Oh, that's what I was gonna say. Willow: What cha looking at? (looks into the case) Oz: (points) This cheerleading trophy. (moves and watches) It's like its eyes follow you wherever you go. I like it. He stands back up straight again and gives his attention back to Willow. They start down the hall together. Willow: So did you like the movie last night? Oz: I don't know. T-today's movies are kind of like popcorn. You know, you forget about them as soon as they're done. I do remember I liked the popcorn, though. (stops walking) Willow: (smiles) Yeah, it was good. And I had a really fun time with the rest. (gets a confused look from Oz) I mean, the part with you. Oz: Oh, that's great. Uh, my time was also of the good. Willow: Mine, too. (awkwardness sets in) Well, then... Oz raises his eyebrows expectantly. Willow looks past him and sees Buffy down the hall. Willow: Oh, there. (points) I have my friend. So I will go to her. (goes) Oz: I'll see you then. Uh, later. (smiles) Larry and some other jocks come walking the other direction and stare at Willow and Buffy walking away. Larry bites his fist and comes over to Oz. Larry: Man! Oz, I would love to get me some of that Buffy and Willow action, if you know what I mean. (laughs) Oz: (nods) That's great, Larry. You've really mastered the single entendre. Larry notices a pretty girl coming down the hall and ignores the insult to stare at her. As she goes by he taps her books, and they fall out of her hands. Girl: Hey! Larry: Oops! She bends down to pick up her books, and Larry and the other jocks stare at her legs. Larry: Ohhh! Oh, thank you, Thighmaster! (laughs) The girl gives them a dirty look and leaves. Larry: So, Oz, man, what's up with that? Dating a junior? Uh, let me guess. That little innocent schoolgirl thing is just, uh, just an act, right? Oz: Yeah. Yeah, she's actually an evil mastermind. It's fun. Larry: I mean, she's gotta be putting out, or what's the point? What are you gonna do, talk? (laughs) Come on, fess up. How far have you gotten? Cut outside to Buffy and Willow walking along the colonnade. Willow: Nowhere. I mean, he said he was gonna wait until I was ready, but I'm ready. Honest. I'm good to go here. Buffy: Well, I think it's nice that he's not just being an animal. Willow: It is nice. He's great. We have a lot of fun. But I want smoochies! Buffy: Have you dropped any hints? Willow: I've dropped anvils. Buffy: Ah, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms? Willow: At last count, all of them. Maybe more. Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing. They all get an 'F' in Willow. Willow: But I want Oz to get an 'A', and, oh, one of those gold stars. They sit on a bench. Buffy: He will. Willow: Well, he better hurry. I don't want to be the only girl in school without a real boyfriend. Buffy looks down sadly. Willow realizes her insensitivity. Willow: Oh, I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't even be talking about... Do you want me to go away? Buffy: I wish you wouldn't. Willow: How are you holding up anyway? Buffy: I'm holding. I was going on two minutes there without thinking about Angel. Willow: (trying to be cheerful) Well, there you go. Buffy: But I would do a lot better if you and Xander and I could do that 'sharing our misery' thing tonight. Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1- 800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho. (rolls her eyes) Buffy: (surprised) Meow! Willow: (smiles) Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a 'meow' before. Buffy: Well-deserved. Willow: Darn tootin'. I'm just saying Xander and Cordelia? I mean, what does he see in her anyway? Cut inside Cordelia's car in a secluded area of the park that night. She and Xander are making out. Suddenly Xander breaks off. Xander: But what could she possibly see in him? Cordelia: Excuse me? We didn't come here to talk about Willow. We came here to do things I can never tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a... good girl. Xander: I just don't trust Oz with her. I mean, he's a senior, he's attractive -- okay, maybe not to me, but -- and he's in a band. And we know what kind of element that attracts. Cordelia: I've dated lots of guys in bands. Xander: (nods) Thank you. Cordelia: Do you even wanna be here? Xander: I'm not running away. Cordelia: Because when you're not babbling about poor, defenseless Willow, you are *raving* about the all-powerful Buffy. Xander: I do not babble. I occasionally run-on, every now and then I yammer... Cordelia: Xander? Xander: Yeah? Cordelia: Look around. We're in my daddy's car, it's just the two of us, there is a beautiful, big full moon outside tonight. It doesn't get more romantic than this. (insistent) So shut up! They start making out again. Cut outside. The camera pulls away from the car into the bushes until a large, hairy beast watching them comes into view. It growls menacingly. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Inside Cordelia's father's car at the park. She and Xander are sucking face. Xander hears some rustling outside and breaks off. Xander: Did you hear that? Cordelia: What is it now? Xander: I thought I heard something. Cordelia: I-is Willow sending out some sorta distress signal that only *you* can hear? Xander: Huh. He smiles at her sheepishly, and they go back to it. An instant later Xander hears more rustling, louder this time, and pulls back again. Xander: Okay, now I *know* I heard something. Cordelia: Alright, that's it. You know, your mind hasn't been here all night. How about I just drop you off... A hairy arm with a clawed hand punches through the convertible top. Cordelia screams and makes a grab for the keys. Xander: Get us outta here! The creature on the roof of the car snarls as it reaches around for them inside. The keys aren't in the ignition, and Cordelia frantically searches for them on the floor. Cordelia: (screams) Where are the keys? Xander: We should be moving! Let's go! Cordelia: (finds the keys) Oh, I got 'em! Got 'em! She fumbles with the keys, but manages to get them into the ignition and starts the car. She puts it into reverse and screams as she g*n the car backward a ways and then slams on the brakes. The beast tumbles off of the back and into a tree. Cordelia gets the car in drive and speeds away. The camera shows the car from above with a gaping hole in the ragtop as it maneuvers back to the road and races off. Xander: Told ya I heard something. Cut to the school parking lot the next day. Buffy inspects the hole in the roof. Buffy: And you're sure it was a werewolf? (gets off of the car) Xander: Well, let's see, um, six feet tall, claws, a big old snout in the middle of his face like a wolf. Um, yeah, I'm sticking with my first guess. Oz: Seems wise. Xander: Oh, oh, and then there was that little thing where it tried to bite us. Cordelia: It was so awful. (puts her head on Xander's shoulder) Xander: (puts his arm around her) I know. Cordelia: (tears herself away) Daddy just had this car detailed. Giles comes up behind Buffy with a newspaper. Buffy: So what's the word? Giles: Well, it seems there were a, a number of other att*cks by a wild dog around town. (hands the paper to Buffy) Several animal carcasses were found mutilated. Willow: You mean, like bunnies and stuff? (upset) No, don't tell me. (looks at Oz) Oz: (reassuringly) Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves. Willow: (calmer and smiling) Yeah. Oz: Yeah. Giles: (takes the paper back) Yes, uh, um, fortunately, no people were injured. Buffy: That falls into the 'that's a switch' column. Giles: Well, for now. But my guess is that this werewolf will be back at next month's full moon. Willow: What about tonight's full moon? Giles: (confused) Pardon? Willow: Well, last night was the night before the full moon, traditionally known as... 'the night before the full moon.' Giles: Meaning the accepted legend that werewolves only prowl during a full moon might be erroneous. Cordelia: Or it could be a crock. Xander: Unless the werewolf was using last year's almanac. Buffy: Looks like Giles has some schooling to do. Giles: Yes, I must admit I, I am intrigued. Werewolves, it's... it's one of the classics. (start away) I, I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon. (leaves) Buffy and Cordelia watch him go. Xander smirks at Giles' typical behavior. Buffy: He needs to get a pet. Cut to the gym. The class is seated on the bleachers listening to the female self-defense coach. Coach: Sunnydale is becoming more dangerous all the time. And a full moon like tonight tends to bring out the crazies, but with some simple basics of self-defense each of you can learn how to protect yourself. Buffy: (quietly to Willow) Here's a suggestion: move away from the Hellmouth. Coach: What you wanna do is gain advantage of the situation as quickly as possible. Willow smiles at Buffy's suggestion. Behind her Oz reaches up and turns the tag sticking out of her sweatshirt back inside. She looks back at him curiously. Oz: Tag. (pats her on the back) Willow smiles at Buffy. Cut to Xander and Cordelia. Coach: Your attacker may have the benefit of surprise. Xander: Would you look at that? He's all over her. Cordelia looks over at Buffy, Oz and Willow. Coach: But if you plot ahead,... Xander: Psst! Hey, buddy, this is a public forum here. Cordelia looks back at him, as do Buffy, Oz and Willow. Coach: ...then you can turn that advantage to yourself. Cordelia: I think you splashed on just a little too much 'Obsession For Dorks'. Coach: By being prepared, you have the power. Okay, everyone get into your assigned groups. The students all get up from the bleachers and go down to the floor. Larry takes off his sweat jacket and goes to the table in front of them to check which group he's in. Xander sees his arm all wrapped up in a bandage just above the elbow. Xander: What happened? Larry: Oh, last week some huge dog jumped out of the bushes and bit me. Thirty-nine stitches. They oughta sh**t those strays. Oz: (next to Larry) I've been there, man. (holds up his finger) My cousin Jordy just got his grownup teeth in? Does not like to be tickled. Xander laughs. Larry just shakes his head and then goes over to Theresa, who is doing stretching exercises. Larry: (into her ear) Theresa! (she straightens up) Be still my shorts. We're in the same group. (chuckles and nods) I may have to att*ck you. Theresa: No, a-a-actually, I think, uh, in our group there are a few of us. Buffy: (joins Theresa) And I'm one of the few. Willow comes up behind her quickly, takes her arm and pulls her aside. Buffy keeps her eye on Larry another moment, then looks at Willow as she explains. Willow: Don't forget, you're supposed to be a meek little girlie-girl like the rest of us. (walks off) Buffy: (looks at Larry) Spoil my fun. Cut to a few minutes later. Everyone is lined up and paired off, girls in front, boys in back. Coach: Okay, everyone, listen up. I wanna show you what to do should you be att*cked from behind. (looks at Buffy) In this situation, bend forward, using your back and shoulders (bends her over to demonstrate) to flip the assailant over to the ground. The other girls all bend over, too. The boys follow Larry's lead and put their arms around the girls' necks. Buffy grabs Larry's arm and pretends at a few attempts to flip him over. Willow gives her a smile and nod. Buffy: Uhh! Uhh! Larry: Oh, Summers, you are turning me on. He grabs her butt cheek hard with his other hand. Buffy isn't about to take that, and immediately flips him over hard onto the mats in front of them. Larry groans as he lies there. Willow sh**t Buffy a look as she and Oz stand back up. The coach looks over at her also. Oz: (points) That works, too. Cut to the library. Giles is demonstrating the phases of the moon using a large earth globe with a smaller moon globe attached by a bar. Giles: And, uh, while there's absolutely no scientific explanation for lunar effect on the human psyche, uh, the phases of the moon, uh, do seem to exert a great deal of psychological influence. And th-the full moon is, is, seems to bring out our darkest qualities. Xander: And yet, ironically, uh, led to the invention of the moon pie. Giles: (gets the joke) Oh... (chuckles) Yes, the moon pie. (laughs harder) (gets looks from Buffy and Willow) Y-you see, uh, the-the werewolf, uh, is such a, a potent e-e-extreme representation of our inborn animalistic traits that it e-emerges for three full consecutive nights: the full moon and, uh, the two nights surrounding it. Xander: Quite the party animal. Giles: Quite. And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and, and aggressive. Buffy: In other words, your typical male. Xander: On behalf of my gender, hey. Giles: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions. Buffy: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were. Giles: The point is that our wolfman could also be a-a-a wolfwoman, or- or anyone who was bitten by a werewolf. Xander: So then I'm guessing your standard silver b*ll*ts are in order here? Giles: No. No b*ll*ts. No matter who this werewolf is, i-it's still a human being, who may be completely unaware of his or her condition. Buffy: So tonight we bring 'em back alive. Cut to that night in a secluded area of the park. The moon is full, and several cars are parked there with couples making out. Giles walks by some cars holding his flashlight out in front of him. Buffy meets up with him. Giles: (quietly) Anything yet? Buffy: (quietly) Yes. And you won't believe what I saw. Brittany Podell was making out with Owen Stadeel, but he goes with Barrett Williams. (gets a look from Giles) If she ever found... No, um, no, no sign of the werewolf. How about you? Giles: Uh, the same. (looks around) I thought we might, uh... I thought we might knock on a few windows, uh, ask if anyone has seen anything yet. Buffy: (gives him a look) Giles, no one's seen anything. Giles: Oh, yes. No, of-of-of course not, no. Yes. He goes off to continue looking. She stares after him a moment, and then heads off into the bushes herself. Cut into the bushes. Buffy scans around with her flashlight as she walks into a small clearing. Suddenly she hears a noise like a latch releasing and yelps as she finds herself being pulled up in a net trap. Below her a hunter points his scoped, double-barreled flintlock up at her and pulls back the hammer. Cain: Gotcha! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The park at night. Cain takes a closer look at what he's caught. Cain: What the hell? Buffy: (yells) Giles! Giles! Giles: (comes running) Hey! (sees Cain with his g*n) Whoa! (holds his arms up) Cain: Hands are good right about there. Giles: Who, who are you? What are you doing? Cain: The name's Cain. I'm the one with the g*n, which means I'm the one who gets to do the interviewing. Buffy: Ahem. Hey, before we get all chummy here, how about we do something about me being in this net thing? Cain exhales, lowers the flintlock and leans it against a boulder. He pulls out his buck-Kn*fe and cuts the rope holding up the net. It falls, and Buffy hits the ground fairly hard. Giles reaches down to untangle the net. Giles: You alright? Buffy: Yeah. (gets up) Cain: (sees Buffy clearly now) Gotta say, I'm impressed. Giles: Excuse me? Buffy looks up at Giles, then back at Cain. Cain: Well, it's good to get the fruit while it's fresh. Giles: You'd be wise to take that back. Cain: Hey, what a man and a girl do in lovers' lane at night is nobody's busi... Giles makes a move toward Cain, but Buffy holds him back. Buffy: Oh, okay, hey, enough, repulsive brain. It's not what you think. (looks at Giles) We're hunting werewolves. Cain laughs. Buffy: Okay, it's funny if you don't believe in werewolves. Cain: No, it's funny thinking about you two catching one. I mean, this guy looks like he's auditioning to be a librarian, and, you, well, you're a girl. Giles: I assure you she's quite capable. Cain: Uh-huh. Lemme ask you something, sweetheart. Exactly how many of these animals have you taken out? Buffy: As of today? Cain: I tore a tooth from the mouth of every werewolf that I k*lled. (holds out his necklace) This next one will bring the total to an even dozen. Buffy: So you're just gonna k*ll it? Cain: Well, see, that's the thing. Their pelts fetch a pretty penny in Sri Lanka, and it's a little hard to skin 'em when they're alive. Giles: Y-you hunt werewolves f-for sport? Cain: No, no, I'm in it purely for the money. Buffy: And it doesn't bother you that a werewolf is a person twenty- eight days out of the month? Cain: That's why I only hunt 'em the other three. I'd really love to stay and chat, (crouches down to collect the net) but I'm on a tight schedule. Any idea where else the boys and girls like to get together around here? Buffy: You're looking for a party? Cain: No, but the werewolf is. They're suckers for that whole sexual heat thing. Sense it miles away. Since this little doggie ain't here, I guess he found another place. (stands up) Buffy: Sorry. Wish I could help you. Cain: But you don't know squat? (shakes his head) Gee, what a surprise. (leaves) Buffy turns and heads back to the car. Giles: Where are we going? Buffy: I think I know where to look. We just have to make it there before mein furrier. Cut to a street. Theresa is walking home. She passes a house with a fenced in front yard overgrown with weeds. She hears some rustling and stops to look around. Seeing nothing, she continues. Cut to a view of her from the other side of the fence. The camera follows behind her. She hears more rustling and stops to look again. Something lets out a low growl, and Theresa decides it's time to run. She looks back again and doesn't see Angelus in front of her. She slams into him and screams. Angelus: Everything okay? (twirls a daisy) Theresa: Yeah, I just, uh, I, I thought I heard something... behind me. He walks around her to have a look, then turns back to her. Angelus: No one there. Theresa: Oh. I guess I was wrong. I could have sworn that... Angelus: It's okay. It can get pretty scary out here, all alone at night. Theresa: Yeah. Angelus: Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? Don't you go to school with Buffy? Theresa: Oh, you know Buffy? (smiles) Angelus: (chuckles) Yes, I do, very well. Theresa: (keeps smiling) Oh. Angelus: Come on, I'll get you home. They walk off together, taking another quick look behind them. Cut to the Bronze. Lotion is the band tonight. They're playing "Blind For Now" as the camera pans from the mirrors on the far wall of the Bronze and over to the band playing on the stage. Lyrics: And then sweep this town into a Monster Truck of shame / Carved out of soap and steel and clay and salty fame / You are the first to look away and against me / You shake the squirrel out your tree Cut to Cordelia and Willow sitting on opposite sides of a couch by a low table. Cordelia: I mean, with Xander it's always, 'Buffy did this', 'Willow said that'. Buffy, Buffy. Willow, Willow. It's like I don't even exist. (leans back and folds her arm) Willow: I sometimes feel like that. (looks over at Cordelia) Cordelia: And then when I call him on it, he acts all confused, like I'm the one with the problem. Willow: (nods) His 'do I smell something?' look. Cordelia: All a part of his little guy games. It's like he's there, but then he's not there, and he wants it, but then he doesn't want it. Willow: He's so busy looking around at everything he doesn't have, he doesn't even realize what he *does* have. Cordelia: Well, he should at least realize that you have Oz. Willow: (frowns and raises an eyebrow) Mm, I'm not sure I do. (confused) Oz and I are in some sort of holding pattern, except without the holding or... anything else. Cordelia: What's he waiting for? What's his problem? (rolls her eyes) Oh, that's right, he's a guy. Willow: (disgusted) Yeah, him and Xander. Guys. Cordelia: Who do they think they are? Willow: A couple of guys. Suddenly the werewolf drops down from above onto the table in front of them. They both scream and run from the couch in opposite directions. Panic sets in around them, and the werewolf just stands there at a half crouch, confused by all the noise. Cut outside to the alley. Giles and Buffy come rolling up in his decrepit car as patrons flee for their lives. Giles: Looks as though your hunch was right. Buffy: Who could resist Sunnydale's own house of hormones? She opens the door and gets out. Willow sees her and stops. Willow: The werewolf, it's in there. Buffy makes a dash for the door as it's about to be shut by the bouncer. Buffy: Coming through! She rushes through the door. Cut inside. The door is closed on her and she looks back at it as it slams shut with a thud. She slowly steps into the main area and looks around. The place has been trashed by the panicked people. Tables and chairs are lying everywhere, spilled drinks are splattered on the floor. Buffy sees a shadow behind a bead curtain and makes for it. As she walks she takes off her backpack and pulls out a chain. Cut to the restroom and backstage area. Buffy sees the bead curtain that leads to the stage office swinging. She climbs the few steps and goes in. She goes through another door to the stage. The chain is wrapped around her forearm, ready to use against the werewolf. Slowly she steps out onto the stage. When she's passed the drums the werewolf comes out from behind the stage curtains, snarling. Buffy spins around to face it and drops her backpack. She quickly unravels a length of chain from her arms and gets ready. She throws the chain out, and it wraps itself perfectly around the werewolf's neck. It begins to struggle and yanks at the chain, pulling Buffy into and over the drums. The chain falls from the werewolf's neck, and it makes a dash for a window. Cut outside the window. The werewolf comes crashing through and out into the alley. It takes a quick look both ways and runs away. Cut to later. The Bronze employees are back and begin to straighten things up. Buffy puts her chain back into her backpack as Cain watches. Cain: You let it get away. Buffy: I didn't let it do anything. I had the chain around its neck. Cain: Chain? What were you gonna do, take it for a walk? Buffy: I was going to lock it up. Cain: That's beautiful. (approaches her) This is what happens when a woman tries to do a man's job. Buffy gets up and puts on the backpack as Giles comes up behind Cain. Giles: Now, you look here, Mr. Cain. This girl risked her life trying to capture a beast that you haven't as yet been able to find. (takes his bag off of his shoulder) Cain: Uh-huh. And Daddy's doing a great job carrying her bag of milk bones. Giles throws down his bag, but restrains himself. Cain steps closer to Buffy. Cain: You know, sis, if that thing out there harms anyone, it's going to be on your pretty little head. I hope you can live with that. Buffy: (stares him down) I live with that every day. Cain: (shakes his head) First they tell me I can't hunt an elephant for its ivory... (turns and leaves) Now I've gotta deal with People for the Ethical Treatment of Werewolves. Giles: (under his breath) Pillock! Right, let's move out. He grabs his bag and goes. Buffy follows right behind. Cut to a loading dock area. The werewolf walks into the light next to a trailer and stops to sniff the air. It looks down and sees a large splotch of blood in the gutter. It continues along the side of the trailer. When it reaches the far end Theresa falls to the ground from behind the trailer with a vampire bite clearly visible on her neck. The werewolf looks down at her, but doesn't make a move to eat her. On the other side of her Angelus steps up in his game face and growls at the werewolf. The werewolf bares its fangs at Angelus and growls more loudly. Angelus returns the growl, baring his own fangs and staring the werewolf down, warning him away from Theresa's body. Angelus slowly backs away and leaves. The werewolf looks down at Theresa again and growls, but makes no move to touch her. Cut to the park. Buffy comes walking up behind Giles' car. Buffy: Giles? When she doesn't see anyone in it she runs up to it. Buffy: Giles! She reaches the open window and looks in. Giles wakes and sits up. Giles: Uhh! (takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes) Buffy: I didn't see you there. I thought something had happened. Giles: Oh, no, I'm, uh... Buffy opens the passenger door and gets into the car. A newscast is playing on the radio. Giles: (yawns) I'm okay. I'm just, um, fine... uh, just, uh, I'm, uh... Uh, any sign of the, uh, werewolf? (puts his glasses back on) Buffy: No. I'm guessing you didn't see anything either from that vantage point of having your eyes closed. Giles: It's, uh, it's, it's, uh, gonna be light soon, so we'd better... Buffy: Wait. Radio newscaster: Police say that the incident was apparently connected to the animal mutilation which occurred two nights ago. The coroner's office has identified the body as that of Sunnydale High School student Theresa Klusmeyer, age seventeen. The authorities ask that anyone with further information... Giles: Buffy, we're gonna get this thing. We have another whole night. (Buffy looks at him) There's nothing more we can do now. It's nearly sunrise. That werewolf won't be a werewolf much longer. Buffy looks down sadly. Cut to a view of Sunnydale from atop a hill. The sun is coming up in the distance. Cut to the werewolf asleep on the ground in the woods. The camera pans from its hind paws over to its head. When sunlight hits the werewolf it morphs back into its human form. Oz wakes up, opens his eyes and looks around confused. He sits up and stares around at the forest. He looks down at himself and realizes he's naked. Oz: (confused) Huh. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The dining room at Oz's house. He's on the phone with his aunt. Oz: Aunt Maureen. Hey, it's me. Um, what? Oh! It's, uh... actually it's healing okay. That's pretty much the reason I called. Um, I wanted to ask you something. Is Jordy a werewolf? Uh-huh. And how long has that been going on? Uh-huh. What? No, no reason. Um... Thanks. Yeah, love to Uncle Ken. He lowers the phone and turns it off. He stares off into space as the new knowledge that he is the werewolf sinks in. Cut to the halls at Sunnydale High. Oz walks slowly among the other students as he makes his way to the library. He looks down and around at everyone, still trying to deal with this new revelation about himself. When he reaches the library he stares at the door for a long moment. Cut inside the library. Buffy paces. Willow is sitting at the table with Giles behind her, and Xander is leaning against the counter. Buffy: I can't believe I let that thing get away. Cain was right. I shoulda k*lled it when I had the chance. Oz comes in, and has overheard that last comment. Oz: k*lled what? Buffy: Uh, the, uh, (ahem) the werewolf. It-it-it was out last night. Oz: Is everybody okay? Did anyone get bitten or, or scratched? Willow: No, we're fine. Oz: Gladness. Buffy: Yeah, but he got someone. Theresa. Oz: 'Got', as in... Buffy just looks at him and briefly raises her eyebrows. Oz: Oh, I'm sorry. Buffy: And I coulda stopped it. (sits) Giles: Well, we, we have one more night. Oz: Another night? Buffy: Oh, yeah. Believe me, I'm gonna give that wolfie something to howl about. Oz: Hmm. Xander: (comes over) But while we hang here doing nothing, there's a human werewolf walking around out there, probably making fun of us. Willow: (with a hint of sarcasm) The way werewolves always do. Oz: But there's really no way to tell who it is. Xander: Oh, sure there is. Giles knows stuff, and I'm practically an expert on the subject. Willow: On account of once you were a hyena? Xander: I know what it's like to crave the taste of freshly k*lled meat, to be taken over by those uncontrollable urges. Buffy: You said you didn't remember anything about that. Xander: (chuckles) I said I didn't remember anything about that. Look, the point is, is I have an affinity with this thing. I can get inside of its head. (closes his eyes and begins to *be* the werewolf) I'm a big, bad wolf. I'm on the prowl. (sniffs) I'm sniffing, I'm snarling, I'm a slobbering predator, I'm... (opens his eyes) Wait a second! It's right in front of us. (Oz's eye go wide with the fear of being recognized) It's obvious who I am. I'm Larry! (Oz breathes a sigh of relief) The guy's practically got wolf-boy stamped on his forehead. You got the dog bite, you got the aggression, not to mention the excessive back hair. Buffy: And he was awfully gleeful about tormenting Theresa. Giles: Still, that doesn't necessarily mean that... Xander: I'm gonna go talk to him. Gonna force a confession out of him. (leaves) Giles: Good. Go. Uh, in the meantime, we need to cover our bases. Willow, um, check the student files. See if anybody else fits the profile. Uh, Buffy? Buffy: Where are we going? Giles: I-if none of that works, I think I may have an alternative. (goes into his office) Buffy: Yeah, me and the werewolf alone in a cage for three minutes. That's all I ask. (gets up and follows Giles) Willow: (to Oz) Are you okay? Oz: (comes back to earth) What? Willow: You kind of knew Theresa. Oz: Oh, yeah, I, uh, I'm trying not to think about it. It's... it's a lot. Willow: It is. But we can do stuff to help. Sometimes it feels good to help. Oz: Uh-huh. Buffy comes back to the office door, but holds back, not wanting to interrupt Willow with Oz. Willow: Well, like... looking up stuff. I'm gonna be doing that most of the night. You could help me, help together? Oz: (unsure what to do) I can't. Um, uh, I'm busy. Willow: Oh. So... Oz: I... I gotta go. He jogs out of the library. Willow watches him go, confused about his behavior. Buffy looks sadly at her friend from the office doorway. Cut to the boys' locker room. The camera pans over to the sinks where Larry is splashing some water onto his face. He grabs a towel and dries off as he heads for his gym locker. Xander is there waiting for him and kicks his locker closed to get his attention. Larry takes the towel from his face and looks at Xander, startled. Larry: Harris. Sheesh. Next time wear a bell. (opens his locker) Xander: Why so jumpy, Larry? Larry: Geeks make me nervous. Xander: Is that really it or is there something you're hiding? Larry: (leans on his locker door) I could hide my fist in your face. Xander: I know your secret, big guy. I know what you've been doing at night. Larry: You know, Harris, that nosey little nose of yours is going to get you into trouble someday... (grabs Xander by the shirt) Like today. Xander: Hurting me isn't gonna make this go away. People are still gonna find out. Larry: (lets go) Alright. What do you want? Hush money? Is that what you're after? Xander: I don't *want* anything! I just wanna help! Larry: What, you think you have a cure? Xander: No, it's just... I know what you're going through because I've been there. That's why I know you should talk about it. Larry: Yeah, that's easy for *you* to say. I mean, you're nobody. I've got a reputation here. Xander: Larry, please, before someone else gets hurt. Larry: (points at Xander's chest) Look, if this gets out, it's over for me. (turns and takes a few paces away) I mean, forget about playing football. They'll run me outta this town. I mean, come on! How are people going to look at me (faces Xander) after they find out I'm gay. Xander looks at him in astonishment. Larry looks like a heavy burden has just been lifted and smiles. Larry: Oh, wow. I said it. And it felt... okay. (whispers) I'm gay. (approaches Xander) I am gay. Xander: I heard you the first time. Larry: I can't believe it. It was almost easy. I never felt I could tell anyone. (gestures to Xander) And then you, you of all people, you bring it outta me. Xander: It probably would have slipped out even if I wasn't here. Larry: (leans on his locker door) No, no, because knowing you went through the same thing, made it easier for me to admit it. Xander: (wide-eyed) The same thing... Larry: (puts his arm around Xander) It's ironic. I mean, all those times I b*at the crap out of you, it musta been because I recognized something in you that I didn't want to believe about myself. Xander: (laughs nervously) Larry, no, I am not... Larry: Of course, of course not. Don't worry. (pats Xander on the shoulder) I wouldn't do that to you. Your secret's safe with me. He gives Xander a thumbs-up and smiles. Larry: (to himself) Wow. He drapes the towel around his neck, closes his gym locker and walks off. Xander stares after him in disbelief. Cut to the library. Willow is 'Net surfing on her laptop. Buffy comes out of Giles' office and goes over to her. Buffy: So what's the scuttlebutt? Anybody besides Larry fit our werewolf profile? (sits on the table) Willow: There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior, run-ins with authorities, about a screenful of violent incidents. Buffy: Okay, most of those were not my fault. Somebody else started 'em. I was just standing up for myself. Willow: (looks up at Buffy) They say it's a good idea to count to ten when you're angry. Buffy: One... Two... Three... Willow: (looks back at her laptop) I'll keep looking. (goes back to work) Buffy: I, um... noticed you were looking solo. Willow: Yeah. Oz wanted to be someplace that was (looks up at Buffy) away... from me. Buffy: I'm sorry. Willow: (leans back in her chair) I can't figure him out. I mean, he's so hot and cold. Or luke-warm and cold. Buffy: Welcome to the mystery that is men. I think it goes something like, they grow body hair, they lose all ability to tell you what they really want. Willow: It doesn't seem like a fair trade. (stands up and puts her laptop in its case) Buffy: Well, if you wanna up the speed quotient with Oz, maybe you need to do something daring. Maybe you need to make the first move. She slides off of the table, and Willow follows her as she gets her stuff for class. Willow: Well, that won't make me a slut? Buffy: I think your reputation will remain intact. Cut to the hall. Willow and Buffy come out of the library. Willow: It used to be so much easier to tell if a boy liked you. He'd punch you on the arm and then run back to his friends. Buffy: Those were the days. Xander: (comes up to them) Hey. They stop. He taps Buffy on the arm. She looks up at him. Willow: I'll see you guys later. (Buffy looks at her) Cordelia asked me to look over her history homework before class. I think that means I might have to *do* it. (goes off) Xander: Wow, those two gals are hanging out a lot together. This would be a good time to panic. Buffy lets out a laugh. They start down the hall. Buffy: So how'd it go with Larry? Xander: What's that supposed to mean? Buffy: I think it's supposed to mean, 'so how'd it go with Larry'? She stops at her locker and reaches for the combination lock. Xander: He's not the werewolf. Can't we just leave it at that? Must you continue to *push* and *push*? Buffy: (opens her locker) I'm sorry. I was just wondering. (takes off her pack) Xander: Well, he's not. Buffy: Okay. Xander: Okay. Buffy: But there goes our lead suspect. (sticks her pack in her locker) Which then puts us right back at (closes the locker) square boned. Xander: You're not boned, you're Buffy. Eradicator of evil. Defender of, um... things that need defending. Buffy: Tell that to Theresa. She could have used my defending before she was ripped apart by that... (stops and considers) Xander: Werewolf. Buffy: Nowhere in any of the reports did it say anything about her being mauled. (looks up at Xander) I mean, they were linked to the animal att*cks from the other night, so we just assumed werewolf. Xander: What else should we have assumed? Cut to the funeral home. Theresa is laid out in her coffin with a scarf around her neck. Buffy pulls it back and sees the bite. Buffy: Vampire. Xander: So that's good, right? I mean in the sense of the werewolf didn't get her, and... (gets a look from Buffy) No. There is no good here. Buffy: No good. Instead of not protecting Theresa from the werewolf, (goes over to the guest register) I was able to not protect her from something just as bad. (looks at all the signatures) She had a lot of friends. (takes the pen to add her own) Xander: Buffy, you can't blame yourself for every death that happens in Sunnydale. If it weren't for you people'd be lined up five deep waitin' to get themselves buried. Willow would be Robbie the Robot's love sl*ve, I wouldn't even have a head, (looks at the coffin) and Theresa's a vampire. Theresa sits up, looks over at them and growls. Buffy turns around and sees her hop out of the coffin. She lunges at Theresa, grabs her and tries to wrestle her to the floor, but Theresa throws her down instead. She dives after Buffy and tries to pin her, but Buffy rolls her over and gets on top. She makes a quick grab for a wooden easel holding a flower wreath and breaks off a leg. She's about to thrust it into Theresa's chest when she speaks. Theresa: Angel sends his love. Buffy is caught off guard by that and hesitates a moment. Theresa kicks Buffy's arm and sends the stick flying away. She grabs Buffy by the shoulders, wrestles her onto her back and pins her. Buffy struggles to keep her at bay. Behind her Xander has grabbed the easel and jams one of its legs through Theresa's back. She bursts into ashes. Buffy stares up at Xander. He tosses the easel aside and looks down at her. Buffy looks aside sadly and then rolls over. Buffy: (to herself) Angel. (gets to her knees) Xander: (leans down to her) Are you okay? Buffy: (takes his hand) This isn't happening. (pulls herself up and hugs Xander) He's gonna keep coming after me. Xander: (hugs back gently) Don't let him get to you. He's not the same guy you knew. She pulls back a bit and looks up at him. He looks back kindly. She lets go, picks up her backpack and goes out. Xander stares after her. Xander: Oh, no, my life's not too complicated. He shakes his head and follows her out. Cut to the woods. Cain's van is parked with the curtains drawn across the cab. Cut inside the van. It's set up like a small hunter's lodge, with hunting equipment and traps hanging from the walls and a lab bench full of reloading equipment. He reaches down, picks up a small iron pan and sets it on the bench. He has a Bunsen burner going. He takes a small long-handled melting cup and holds it over the flame. When the metal in the cup has become molten he brings it over to a mold that he's holding over the iron pan with his other hand and pours the silver into it. He sets the melting cup aside and breaks open the mold. Inside is a perfectly formed b*llet. He holds it up to inspect it in the dim light. Cut to a sh*t of the full moon rising. Cut to Oz's dining room. He has a box full of shackles and locks and dumps them out. He looks at them and considers a moment, then with a strengthened resolve starts to put one on. He's about to put the lock on when there's a knocking at the door. He ignores it and looks at the lock. As he moves to put it on there's another knock on the door. He looks at it in frustration and sets the lock and shackles down. The knocking continues insistently as he goes over to the door. When he opens it he finds an irate Willow standing there, ready to knock even more. Oz: Willow! What are you doing? She pushes her way inside. Willow: I had this whole thing worked out. (goes toward the dining room) And I had it written down, uh, but then it didn't make any sense (turns to face him) when I was reading it back. Oz: Willow, this is not a very good time. Willow: I mean, what am I supposed to think? First, you buy me popcorn (paces away) and then you're all glad that I didn't get bit. (paces back) (softly) And you put the tag back in my shirt. (harshly) But I guess none of that means anything because instead of looking up names with me, here you are all alone in your house doing nothing by yourself. Oz: Willow, we'll talk about this tomorrow. I promise. He tries to take hold of her to lead her out, but she shakes him off. Willow: No, damn it! We'll talk about this now! Buffy told me that sometimes what a girl makes has to be the first move and now that I'm saying this, I'm starting to think that the written version sounded pretty good, but you know what I mean. Oz: I know, I know, it's me. I'm, I'm goin' through some... changes. Willow: Well, welcome to the world! Things happen. Don't you think I'm going through a lot? Oz: Not like me. Willow: Oh, what, so now you're special? (paces away into the dining room) You're special boy... (sees the shackles) With chains and stuff. Why do you have chains and stuff? Oz doubles over in pain and hugs his chest. Oz: Willow, please! (heads for the door) Get outta here! She stares at him confused. He falls behind the couch out of her view. There he begins to rapidly grow hair and mutate into a werewolf. Willow: Oz? Oz, what is it? She slowly approaches the couch. Oz's fingers grow longer and hairier. Willow: What's wrong? She hears Oz moaning in pain. She looks carefully over the couch, and Oz the werewolf leaps to his feet and growls at her. She screams and jumps backward away from him. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Oz's living room. Willow screams and starts to run through the dining room. Oz the werewolf gives chase. She runs down the hall and out a back door. Cut to the streets. Willow runs. The werewolf comes around the corner chasing after her. She goes up to a wooden fence, hops up and tries to pull herself over. She's not quite fast enough and only has one leg over when the werewolf catches up. It makes a grab for her leg, but misses as she drops over the other side and manages to land in a crouch on her feet. She sees a couple of metal trashcans there, grabs one and smashes it into the werewolf's face as it tries to climb over after her. Cut to the street. Cain's van rolls slowly along. He looks up and sees the werewolf trying to get over the fence. Cain: There you are. He pulls the van over to the side. Cut to the library. Giles opens a g*n, undoes the straps and pulls out the stock. He grabs the barrel and scope assembly and clicks them into place. Buffy comes walking up behind him. Buffy: Sorry I'm late. I had to do some unscheduled slayage in the form of Theresa. He stops his assembling to look at her. Giles: She's a vampire? Buffy: Was. Angel sent her to me. A little token of his affection. Giles: Buffy, I'm so sorry. Buffy: (holds up her hand) Not now, Giles. We can all have ourselves a good cry after we bag us a werewolf. He plugs in the laser sight and holds the tranquilizer g*n up to check the scope. Cut to the woods. Willow runs quickly through the trees with the werewolf not far behind. She hops over a log, but then trips and falls to the ground. She rolls to face the werewolf and looks at it in terror. It doesn't att*ck, but instead sniffs the air. It looks around for the direction of the scent and rushes off. Willow quickly gets to her feet and runs the other way. Cut to the library. Giles checks the trigger mechanism of the g*n. Giles: All set. (grabs a dart) Let's go find this thing. (starts out) Buffy: One question: how exactly do we find this thing? Willow comes barging into the library. Willow: It's Oz! It's Oz! Buffy: Wh-what's Oz? Willow: The werewolf. Giles: Are you certain? Willow: (frantic) Can't you just trust me on this? He-he said he was going through all these changes. Then he went through all these... changes. Buffy: Where is he now? Willow: In the woods. Giles: Let's go. (starts out again) Willow: (grabs and stops him) Go where? You're not gonna k*ll Oz! Yeah, he's a werewolf, but he doesn't mean to be. Buffy: Don't worry, Willow. We're not going to hurt him. They all start out of the library. Giles: I put enough Phenobarbital in this thing to sink a small elephant. It should be enough for a large werewolf. He grabs his coat from the counter and holds the door open for the girls. Cut to the woods. The werewolf has found what it's looking for. So has Cain, and he cocks his flintlock's hammer back and lifts it to his shoulder. The werewolf gets closer to the pile of meat Cain has left out for him. Cain: That's it. Let me see you. Come on, suppertime. The werewolf is on top of the bait now, and Cain takes aim. Cain: Good, doggy. Now play d*ad. He is about to pull he trigger when he gets kicked from the side. He falls to the ground, and his g*n fires wild. The werewolf looks up from its meal at the commotion. Buffy grabs Cain's g*n and wrestles him for it. She flips the r*fle over and he follows, landing on his back and letting go of the g*n in the process. As he tries to get up Buffy swings the butt of the r*fle around and knocks him down and out. The werewolf comes at her, and she ducks his lunge. Giles and Willow arrive to see the werewolf grab Buffy and lift her off of her feet. She pushes him back using Cain's g*n to keep from being bitten. Giles tries to get a clear sh*t, but the werewolf turns and holds Buffy up between them. Willow: Careful! Giles: (can't get a sh*t) Damn it! He keeps looking for an opening, but is quickly getting frustrated. Buffy raises the r*fle high and smashes it down on the werewolf's head. It drops her and falls back stunned. It quickly gets up and swipes at her, knocking the g*n from her hands. Then the werewolf shoves Buffy away and right into Giles and Willow, bowling them over. It starts to come at them. Willow scrambles for the tranquilizer g*n and brings it up to bear. The werewolf charges, and Willow pulls the trigger. The dart hits it in the chest, and it staggers backward a bit before falling over unconscious. Willow: (looks up at Giles) I sh*t Oz. Giles: You saved us. He takes the g*n from Willow. Buffy walks over to get Cain's g*n. He gets to his feet and straightens his coat. Cain: No wonder this town's overrun with monsters. No one here's man enough to k*ll 'em. Buffy: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure of that. Cain turns to see her with his flintlock. She grabs the end of the barrel and bends it into a nice arc right in front of him and then thrusts it at him. He looks at her in astonishment. Buffy: How about you let the door h*t you in the ass on the way out of town? Cain makes a move to go but stops to give her another look. She stares back at him, and then he leaves. She looks down at Willow crouched next to Oz the werewolf and gets down with her. Willow: You think it'll be okay? They both look up at Giles. Giles: He'll be a little sore in the morning, but... he'll be Oz. Cut to Sunnydale High the next day. Cut to the halls. Xander and Buffy walk past the trophy case and into the lounge. Xander: This is all so weird. I mean, how are we supposed to act when we see him? Buffy: Well, it's gotta be weird for him, too. Now that we know so much. Xander: All I know is I'll never be able to look at him the same again. Buffy: He's still a human being. Most of the time. They stop at the vending machine. Xander: Who are we talking about? Buffy: Oz. Who are you talking about? Xander: No one. He sees Larry's jock friends by the stairs knocking a girl's books out of her hands and laughing. Larry comes down the stairs behind her and quickly reaches down to help her pick up her books. Larry: Hey, let me get those. Girl: Thanks. His friends give him a surprised look. So does Buffy. Larry comes over to them. Larry: Hey! Xander. Look, about what you did. I, I owe you. Buffy: What'd you do? Xander: It's really nothing we should be talking about. (to Larry) Ever. Larry: I know, I know. It's just, well, (pats him on the arm) thanks. (walks off) Buffy: That was weird. They go to a table and sit. Xander: What, it's not okay for one guy to like another guy just because he happened to be in the locker room with him when absolutely nothing happened and I thought I told you not to push. Buffy: All I meant is that he didn't try to look up my skirt. Xander: (fidgets with is hands) Oh, oh, yeah, that's, that's the weirdness. (smiles nervously) Buffy: Weirdness abounds lately. Maybe it's the moon. That does stuff to people. Xander: I've heard that. Buffy: (sees Willow walk by) Certainly gonna put a strain on Willow and Oz's relationship. Xander: What relationship? I mean, what life could they possibly have together? (counts off on his fingers) We're talking obedience school, paper training, Oz is always in back burying their things, and that kind of breed can turn on its owner. Buffy: I don't know. I kinda see Oz as the loyal type. Xander: All I'm saying is she's not safe with him. If it were up to me... Buffy: (interrupts) Xander... Cut outside to Willow walking over to Oz sitting on a table. Buffy: It's not up to you. Willow: Hey. Oz: Hey. Willow: Did you want to go first? Oz: I spoke to Giles. He said I'll be okay. I just have to lock myself up around the full moon. Only he used more words than that. And a globe. Willow: I'm sorry about how all this ended up. With me sh**ting you and all. Oz: It's okay. I'm, I'm sorry I almost ate you. Willow: It's okay. I kind of thought you would have told me. Oz: I didn't know what to say. I mean, it's not everyday you find out you're a werewolf. That's fairly freaksome. It may take a couple days getting used to. Willow: Yeah. It's a complication. Oz: So... (hops off of the table and they walk) Maybe it'd be best if I just... sorta... Willow: What? Oz: Well, you know, like, stayed out of your way for awhile. Willow: I don't know. I'm kind of okay with you being *in* my way. Oz: (stops and faces her) You mean, you'd still... Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice and you're funny. And you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either. Oz: You are quite the human. Willow: (smiles) So, I'd still if you'd still. Oz: I'd still. I'd *very* still. Willow: (smiles widely) Okay. (more seriously) No biting, though. Oz: Agreed. Willow walks off with a smile on her face. Oz turns around and watches her go. He smiles. Then he looks surprised to see her rushing back. She looks at him for an instant and then plants a kiss right on his lips. He watches her with a smile as she goes off again. Oz: A werewolf in love.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x15 - Phases"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The cemetery at night. The camera is focused on a heart-shaped locket that Xander is dangling in the extreme foreground so that everything in the distance is out of focus and unrecognizable. Xander: So, what do you think? The camera shifts its focus onto Buffy sitting on a gravestone. Buffy: It's nice. Cut to a full-view sh*t of them. They are waiting near a fresh grave. Xander approaches Buffy, still dangling the locket. Xander: But do you think Cordelia will like it? Buffy: I don't know. She pulls it toward herself with her hand to take a closer look. Buffy: Does she know what one of these is? He yanks it out of her hand and puts it and his hands into his jacket pockets. Xander: (chuckles) Okay, big yuks. When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia? Buffy: I'm sorry. But never. (Xander nods, smiles and looks down) I just think you could find somebody more... better. Xander: Uh, parallel universe, maybe. (looks up) Here the only other person I'm interested in is, um... unavailable. Besides, Cordy and I are really getting along. We're not fighting as much, and yesterday we just sat together, not even speakin'. You know, just, uh, enjoying comfortable silence. (grins and laughs, then loses the grin and exhales) Man, that was dull. Buffy: (smiles) I'm glad that you guys are getting along. (facetiously) Almost really. (reassuringly) And don't stress over the gift. Xander: Well, this is new territory for me. I mean, my valentines are usually met with heartfelt restraining orders. Buffy: She'll love it. Xander: I wish dating was like slaying: (steps away) you know, simple, direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss. He turns to face her again just as a vampire rises from the fresh grave. Xander reacts quickly and jerks back as the newly risen demon comes for him, but he trips and falls backward onto his butt. Buffy hops off of the gravestone and grabs the vampire from behind as he is about to grab Xander and throws him high and away. He hits the ground hard. His momentum carries him into a reverse somersault, and he rolls to his feet. He starts to come at Buffy. She leaps at him, does a double kick to his chest with both feet in rapid succession and lands upright as the vampire staggers back into the corner column of a small mausoleum. Buffy comes at him, but he blocks her first two punches and ducks a third swing. Her fourth and fifth punches, however, land on his face, but he isn't fazed. He pushes her aside into the wall of the mausoleum, and after regaining his balance comes at her again. She slides down the wall and kicks out with her leg, making him trip and spin down to the ground. As he gets up she leaps at him with a high kick and knocks him back down again. She reaches into her jacket for a stake, and when the vampire stands back up again and tries to make a grab for her she deftly plunges it into his chest. He immediately bursts into a cloud of ashes. Buffy yanks the stake back and watches with satisfaction as the ash rains to the ground. Then she heads over to Xander and gives him a hand back up to his feet. Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating. They start out of the cemetery. Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School the next morning. Cordelia walks up the steps from the street. She sees her friends sitting on a wall and heads over to them. When they see her coming they all stand up and make their way toward the main entrance, ignoring her. Cordelia: Wait up. Hey, wait up! (jogs to catch up) Excuse me! Where's the f*re sale? They all stop and turn around to face her. Harmony: Oh, sorry. Didn't see you. Cordelia: Well, why didn't you call me back last night? We need to talk about our outfits for the dance. I'm gonna wear red and black, (points at Kate) so you need to switch. Kate: Red and black? Is that what Xander likes? Cordelia: (confused) Xander? What does he have to do with this? Harmony: Well, a girl wants to look good for her geek. Cordelia: Xander's just... Harmony: (interrupts) When are you two gonna start wearing cute little matching outfits? 'Cause I'm planning to vomit. (to the others) Let's go. They all turn away and head into the building, leaving Cordelia behind. Cut to American Literature class. The bell rings. Ms. Beakman: Papers on my desk. Anybody tries to leave without giving me a paper is looking at a failing grade. The camera closes in on Xander sitting at the back of his row two seats behind Willow. Buffy is to Willow's right, and they both get ready to go. Xander: (holding his paper) Ha, ha, ha. This time I'm ready for you. No 'F' for Xander today. No, this baby's my ticket to a sweet D-minus. He stands up with his paper in his hands. The two girls do the same. Willow steps down the aisle and stops next to Amy. Willow: Hey, Amy. Amy: Hey. (pulls on her backpack) Are you guys going to the Valentine's Day dance at the Bronze? I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. Willow turns to look at Buffy with a huge smile on her face. Buffy: Go ahead. You know you wanna say it. Willow faces Amy again, grinning broadly. Willow: My boyfriend's in the band! Amy: (smiles and laughs) Cool. Willow looks back at Buffy. Buffy: I think you've now told everybody. Willow: Only in this hemisphere. (pulls on her pack) Amy: (to Buffy) What about you? Buffy: (waves her off) Oh, Valentine's Day is just a cheap gimmick to sell cards and chocolate. Amy: Bad breakup, huh? Buffy: Believe me when I say, 'uh-huh'. They all walk up to the teacher's desk, and Buffy hands in her paper. Mrs. Beakman: Thank you. Buffy heads out of the room as Willow holds up her paper as well. Xander is just making his way down the aisle behind Amy. Mrs. Beakman: (to Willow) Thank you. Willow follows Buffy out. Amy stands in front of Mrs. Beakman and stares her down. There is a long silence as Amy concentrates on staring into the teacher's eyes. Xander, standing behind Amy, slowly loses his smile as he sees what's going on. A moment later Mrs. Beakman smiles at Amy and gestures as though she's accepting a paper from her. Mrs. Beakman: Thank you, Amy. Amy smiles and starts out of the classroom. Xander comes up to the desk staring open-mouthed after Amy and hands his paper in also. Cut to the stairs. Buffy and Willow come walking down. Amy hops down past them with a big smile on her face and heads into the lounge. Willow: I just hate to think of you solo on Valentine's Day. The two of them head down the hall. Xander reaches the bottom of the stairs behind them and follows as he watches Amy go off in the other direction. Buffy: I'll be fine. Mom and I are gonna have a pig-out and vid fest. It's a time-honored tradition among the loveless. Xander: (catches up) Did you guys see that? (points at Amy) Buffy: See what? Xander: In class. I think Amy just worked some magic on Ms. Beakman. Buffy: You mean like witchcraft? Willow: You know, her mom's a witch. Buffy: And an amateur psycho. Amy's the last person that should be messing with that stuff. Xander: Maybe I should go talk to her. Giles sees them coming his way and calls out. Giles: Buffy! (approaches them) Buffy... Might I have a word? Buffy: Have a sentence, even. Giles: (gets the joke) Oh. Good. Well, uh... He happens to glance off into Jenny's classroom as she's talking to a student by the door. Jenny: (to the student) Back it up before you leave. She steps into the hall and stops. She and Giles exchange looks with each other. Buffy notices the exchange and looks down sadly. Jenny shrugs and smiles thinly at Giles. Jenny: Rupert. Giles: Ms. Calendar. (looks down) She glances down briefly and back up, then steps toward him. Jenny: I'm glad we ran into each other, actually. I was hoping that we could, uh... (gestures toward her room) Do you have a minute? (fidgets with her hands) Giles: Um... (making excuses) Actually, not, not just now. Um, (ahem) I, uh, have a matter to discuss with, with Buffy. Buffy: (calmly) Right. Let's go. She gives Jenny a quick glance and squeezes between her and Giles, heading for the library. Xander and Willow watch in silence. Giles looks up at Jenny for a moment, then slowly turns to follow Buffy. Jenny drops her arms in despair, looks at Xander and Willow, and then starts down the hall the other way. Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting at the table hugging her knee while Giles comes toward her slowly with his hands in his pockets. Buffy: Are you okay? Giles: (looks at her) Me? I-I-I'll be fine. (scratches his nose, then pockets his hand again) Um, I was more concerned about you, actually. Uh, since Angel, um... uh... turned... (sits on the table and folds his hands) I've, um, been reading up on, on his earlier activities. Y'know, uh, feeding patterns a-and the like. Buffy: And? Giles: Around Valentine's Day, he, he, he's rather prone to, uh... well, um, brutal displays of, uh... He would think of it as affection, I suppose. Buffy: Like what? Giles: No, no, uh, (gets up) no need to go into details. (steps away) Buffy: That bad? Giles: (faces her) Suffice it to say I, I think it would be best if you stayed off the streets for a few nights. I-I-I'll, um... (sits across from her) I'll patrol and keep an eye on things. (Buffy stares off into space) Better safe than sorry. Buffy: (looks over at him) It's a little late for both. Dissolve to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla opens a jewelry case, and inside is a gold necklace with rubies set into an integrated pendant. The camera pans up from it over to Spike in his wheelchair. Spike: Fancy it, pet? Drusilla: Ahhh. It's beautiful. Mm. Spike: Nothing but the best for my gir... Angelus walks up to the table and sets down a human heart, fresh and bloody. He smiles over at Spike, then down at Drusilla. Angelus: Happy Valentine's Day, Dru. Drusilla: Oh... (holds her hands over it) Angel! Angelus raises his eyebrows at Spike. Drusilla: It's still warm. Spike closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath, then looks back up at Angelus. Angelus: I knew you'd like it. (inhales the aroma) I found it in a quaint little shopgirl. He sees the necklace, picks it up and holds it out to have a look at it. Angelus: Cute. (reaches around Drusilla's neck with it) Here. She pulls her hair back and away so he can close the clasp behind her neck. Spike wheels toward them, upset with Angelus' forwardness. Spike: I'll get it. Angelus: (looks up at Spike) Done. I know Dru gives you pity access, but you have to admit it's so much easier when I do things for her. (smiles) Spike: (controlling his anger) You would do well to worry less about Dru (Angelus rolls his eyes) and more about that Slayer you've been tramping around with. Angelus: (paces behind the table) Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards. (sits on the table) Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression. Angelus: Lacks... poetry. Spike: It doesn't have to. (inhales and thinks) What rhymes with lungs? Drusilla: Don't worry, Spike. (looks back at Angelus) Angel always knows... (looks at the heart) what speaks to a girl's heart. The camera pans down from her to the heart. Cut to the Bronze for the Valentine's Day dance. Oz and Devon's band Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) are playing "Pain". Xander is at a table with Willow, turning a jewelry box around in his hands. The camera pans up to Willow watching the band play and bobbing her head to the b*at. It pulls back to show Xander staring off in another direction, oblivious to the music. The camera focuses on the band as Devon sings. Lyrics: Feeling I've been lost for years Oz smiles over at Willow and then looks down at his guitar. Lyrics: You can never understand me / Unless you've seen those tears / But you never get to sleep Willow looks up at Oz and smiles. Oz smiles back as he plays. Lyrics: When I'm away / I don't mind / The deeper... Willow: (to Xander, smiling) Oz has his cool hair today. Lyrics: ...that you lay Willow: (excited) I think I'm a groupie! (looks back at the band) Lyrics: Out of time Cut to Cordelia coming out of the restrooms. Lyrics: Pain, I can't sleep She looks around and sees her friends. Cordelia: (smiles) Oh, hey! They all give her looks of disgust. Lyrics: Pain, I can't sleep Harmony: Let's get outta here. Cordelia just stands there and watches them go. Lyrics: Running... Cut to Buffy's house. She and her mother are lounging back on the couch watching TV. The coffee table in front of them is full of plates of cookies, cheese puffs and other snacks. Buffy has a bowl of popcorn in her lap. They hear a knock at the door and look over in that direction. Buffy looks back at her mom, exhales and hands her the popcorn. Buffy: Here. Joyce starts to munch on it. Buffy gets up to answer the door. Cut to outside. The camera pans over to the door as Buffy opens it and looks out. She is puzzled when there's no one there. She looks further out and in both directions. She shrugs with her eyes, goes back inside and closes the door. When she steps back into the living room her mother is gone. She looks back behind her, through the foyer and into the dining room beyond. Joyce is nowhere to be seen. Buffy: (concerned) Mom? She walks through the dining room and into the kitchen. Buffy: Mom? She walks around the island, looking around all the while, then quickly out the window when she hears a noise, but sees nothing and continues toward the kitchen door. She looks back into the dining room. When she reaches the kitchen door she is startled by her mother coming back in from outside and gasps. Joyce: Buffy, it's me. Buffy: Yeah. You just startled me a little. Joyce: I was just checking the back door. (closes the door) Somebody, um, left these for you. She sets a long black box with a black bow on the island for Buffy to see. She looks up at her mother and raises her eyebrows for an instant before lifting the lid off the box. Joyce looks down, curious to see what's in it. Buffy stares down at it and sees a dozen red roses along with a card bearing a single word: Soon. Her mother looks up at her with a little smile, but it fades when she sees how Buffy is just staring down at the card without saying a word or reacting in any way. Cut to the Bronze. The band continues playing. Lyrics: Pain, I can't sleep / Pain, I can't sleep Xander looks around and spots Cordelia sitting alone at a table. Lyrics: Pain, I can't sleep He slowly gets to his feet and walks over to her. She notices him coming, looks at him and stands up to meet him. The song is over now. Xander: Hey. Cordelia: (looks him up and down) Your clothes... You look so good. Xander: (looks down at himself) Oh. I let Buffy dress me. (gets a confused look from Cordelia) Well, not physically. Cordelia: (upset) Perfect. You had to make this harder, didn't you? Xander: Okay, clearly the fact that I please you visually has got us off on the wrong foot here. Cordelia: Xander... Xander: (stops her with a gesture) Let me finish. I've been thinking a lot about us lately... the why and the wherefore. You know, once, twice, a kissy here, a kissy there. And you can chalk it all up to hormones. (Cordelia looks puzzled) A-and maybe that's all we have here. Tawdry teen lust. But maybe not. Maybe something in you sees something special inside me. (Cordelia looks down, then back up) And vice versa. I mean, I think I do. See something. So... He pulls out the jewelry box and hands it to her. She takes it and looks up at him. Cordelia: Xander... (opens the box) Thank you. (holds up the necklace and pendant) It's beautiful. (exhales and looks at him) I wanna break up. Xander: (looks at her in disbelief) Okay, not quite the reaction I was looking for. Cordelia: (shaking her head) I know. I'm sorry. It's just... Who are we kidding? (Xander looks down at the necklace) Even if parts of us do see specialness, we don't fit. Xander: (looks up suddenly) Yeah! Okay... (very upset) Do you know what's a good day to break up with somebody? Any day besides Valentine's Day! I mean, what, were you running low on dramatic irony? Cordelia: (apologetically) I know. I didn't mean to do it this way. I... Xander: (interrupts) Well, you did. Cordelia gives him a sorry look. Xander stares back for a moment, then turns and goes away. Cordelia looks down at the pendant. Cut to the halls at school the next day. Xander comes moping around the corner. A boy passes him in the halls. Jack: Dude. (pats Xander's shoulder) Way to get dumped. He continues down the hall, and Xander does the same. He looks up and sees Buffy coming the other way. Xander: Ooo, Buffy, my bud, (takes her hand and stops her) you will not believe... Buffy: (looks at him) Can't talk right now. Angel. Xander: (lets go of her hand) Do you need help? Buffy: It's alright. She quickly resumes her rapid trek to the library. Xander watches her go, then continues down the hall. A group of girls passes around him, staring and giggling at him. He exhales and watches them go. A few steps further along he hears Harmony address him, and looks over at her. Harmony: Gee, Xander, maybe you should learn a second language so that even more girls can reject you. She and the other girls around her laugh to his face. Xander just keeps moping along. A moment later he notices Amy heading toward the stairs in front of him. He looks back for an instant and then rushes over to her, takes her by the arm and pulls her aside. Amy: What are you doing? Xander: Amy. Good to see you. (takes a quick look around) You're a witch. Amy: (glances around) No, I'm not. That, that was my mom, remember? (smiles) Xander: Yeah, I'm thinking it runs in the family. I saw you working that mojo on Ms. Beakman. (gestures behind himself) Maybe I should go tell somebody about... Amy: That's not even... (angrily) That is so mean! Xander: (glares back) Blackmail is such an ugly word. Amy: I didn't say blackmail. Xander: Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up. Amy: (folds her arms) What do you want? Xander: (chuckles) What do I want? I want some respect around here. I want, for *once*, to come out ahead. I want the Hellmouth to be working for me. You and me, Amy... (looks back at Cordelia sitting with Harmony now) we're gonna cast a little spell. Amy looks past him at Cordelia as well, then turns her eyes up at him. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ An empty classroom. Xander closes the door behind himself as he follows Amy in. Amy: A love spell? Xander: Yeah. You know, just the basic can't eat, can't sleep, can't breathe anything but little old moi. Amy: Well, that kind of thing is the hardest! I mean, to make someone love you for all eternity? Xander: (waves his hand and shakes his head) Whoa! Whoa, back up. Who said anything about eternity? A man can only talk self-tanning lotion for so long before his head explodes. Amy: Well, then I don't get it. If you don't wanna be with her forever, then what's the point? Xander: The point is I want her to want me. Desperately. So I can break up with *her* and subject her to the same hell she's been puttin' *me* through. Amy: (turns and steps away) Oh, I don't know, Xander. (turns back) Intent has to be pure with love spells. Xander: Right. I intend revenge. Pure as the driven snow. Now, are you gonna play, or do we need to have another chat about invisible homework? Amy: (considers) I'll need something of hers. (steps closer) A personal object. Xander: Alright. (smiles and leaves the room) Cut to the library. Giles is at the table studying a book. Buffy comes striding in and up to the table. She slaps the card that came with the roses into the book in front of him. Giles startles a bit and looks up. Buffy: 'Soon' what, Giles? You never held out on me until the big, bad thing in the dark became my ex-honey. Giles: (looks at the card) Where did this come from? Buffy: He said it with flowers. Look, this isn't the time to start becoming Mr. Protective Guy. I can't just hang around, and I can't prepare when I don't know what's coming. Giles: (sits up in his chair) N-no, of-of course, you're right. (gestures to another chair) Uh, s-s-sit, sit down. (stands up) Cut to the hall. Xander sees Cordelia coming and waits for her. She spots him, pivots around and hurries the other way. Xander does a fast walk to catch up and passes her, then spins around to stop her in her tracks. Xander: Oh, come on, don't flatter yourself. I'm not gonna make a big scene. I just want the necklace back. Cordelia: (in disbelief) What? I thought it was a gift. Xander: No. Last night it was a gift. Today it's scrap metal. Figure I can melt it down and sell it for fillings or something. Cordelia: You're pathetic! Xander: Come on, I'm not gonna add to the Cordelia Chase castoff collection. Cordelia: (glares at him) It's in my locker. Xander: (points to her locker with his eyes) I can wait. She gives him another look, then goes over to her locker. Xander steps to the side of the hall and leans against the lockers about ten feet from her. He watches the people passing by as she works her combination. She opens the locker and sets down a book. She glances over at him to see if he's looking. Satisfied that he's not paying close attention she leans in behind the door, exhales, reaches under the collar of her blouse and pulls the necklace and pendant out. Xander just keeps looking around the hall. She undoes the clasp, takes it off and lets out a deep breath. She closes her locker, steps over to him and hands him the necklace. Cordelia: Here. It's a good thing we broke up. Now I don't have to pretend I like it. Xander just gives her a look and leaves. Cut to the school that night. Cut to the science lab. Xander is holding a candle and sitting bare-chested and cross-legged on the floor inside a large red symbol for woman painted on the floor. Three red vertical stripes are painted on his chest. Amy is at a lab table where she's waving the locket over her witch's brew, which is boiling in a beaker over a Bunsen burner. Amy: Diana... goddess of love and the hunt... I pray to thee. Let my cries bind the heart of Xander's beloved. (lowers the necklace into the brew) May she neither rest nor sleep (the brew sparks) until she submits to his will only. The flame of the burner becomes huge as the power of the spell emanates from the beaker and swirls above it and between her hands. Amy: Diana, bring about this love and bless it. The swirls of energy begin to return to the beaker and disappear. Amy: (to Xander) Blow out the candle now! The spell's power has dissipated. Xander blows out the candle and the screen goes black. Cut to the school the next morning. Cut to the hall outside the lounge. Xander sees Cordelia and her friends sitting at a table and goes over to them with confidence. He rests one hand on the table and leans over it next to Cordelia, looking around at all the girls and giving them a smile. Cordelia looks up at him. Cordelia: What? Xander: (confidently) Morning, ladies. (to Cordelia) Some kind of weather we've been having, huh? Cordelia: What do you want? You can't be sniffing around for more jewelry to melt, because all you ever gave me was that Smallmart-looking thing. (looks back down at her notebook) Xander: (chuckles and leans in to Cordelia) Is this love? 'Cause maybe on you it doesn't look that different. Cordelia: (pushes him away) What are you doing? Are you going, like, stalker-boy on me now? Xander: (confused) Sorry. My mistake. Cordelia: Yeah, I should say so. He walks away. She looks at the other girls at the table. Cordelia: What is his deal? Cut to the library. Giles is sitting on the table looking through a book. Buffy is sitting in a chair across from him. Giles: Look, here's another. Here. Um, 'Valentine's Day.' Yes, uh... 'Angel nails a puppy to the...' Buffy: (interrupts) Skip it. Giles: Uh, but it... Buffy: I don't wanna know. I don't have a puppy. Skip it. Giles: (closes the book) Right you are. I'll get another batch. He gets off of the table and heads into his office. Xander walks in and up to the table. Xander: I have a plan: we use me as bait. Buffy: You mean make Angel come after you? Xander: No, I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble at 'cause it would be more fun than *my* life. Buffy: Yeah. (gets up) I heard about you and Cordy. That's her loss. (leans on the table) Xander: Yeah. Not really the popular theory. Buffy: (looks up at him) You know what I'd like? Why don't you and I do something together tonight? Just the two of us. Xander: (does a double take) Really? Buffy: Yeah. We can comfort each other. Xander: Well, would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all? 'Cause I find that very comforting. (grins) She stands up, stares into his eyes and takes a step closer to him. Buffy: (smiles) Play your cards right... Xander: (stops her with his hand) Okay, uh... You do know that I'm Xander, right? Buffy: (looks down) I don't know, I just... (looks up) heard that you and Cordy broke up, and I guess I was just surprised how glad I was. (plays with his shirt) It's funny... (leans into him) how you can see someone every day but not really see them. You know? Xander: (smiles and chuckles nervously) Yeah, it's funny. And it's just gettin' funnier. She puts her finger to his lips to quiet him and slowly leans toward him for a kiss. Behind them Amy walks into the library. Amy: Xander, can I talk to you for a minute? Buffy pulls back slightly. Xander looks at Amy, back at Buffy, then at Amy again. Xander: Yeah, okay. Cut to the hall outside the library. Amy comes out with Xander right behind her. He makes sure the door is closed, looks in through the window at Buffy for a second, and then gives his attention to Amy. Amy: Xander. Xander: Yeah. Amy: I don't think the spell worked out right. Xander: Oh, yeah, it b*mb. No biggie. (grins) Amy: Well, we can always try again. He looks back through the window and sees Buffy looking out at him. Amy: I am still pretty new at this. Xander: Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. You know what? It was wrong to meddle with the forces of darkness. I see that now. (Amy smiles at him) I think we've all grown. I gotta go. (moves to go back in) Amy: (stops him with her hand) Oh, we don't have to cast any spells. He sees Buffy staring out at him with her finger between her lips. Amy: We can just... hang out. Xander: Sure. (looks at Amy) What? Amy: (smiles) Well, I liked spending time with you. You're so sweet. You know, it's funny how you can... you can see a person every day and... He starts to realize what's going on. Xander: Not really see them. He looks in at Buffy again. She's still staring out at him, playing with her hair between her lips. Amy: Exactly. So, anyway, I thought it might... Another girl approaches them in the hall. Cordette: Hi, Xander. Xander: What? Cordette: You're in Mr. Baird's history class, right? Xander: Yeah. Cordette: I thought maybe we could study together tonight. Amy: (interrupts) Do you mind? We were talking. The two girls glare at each other. Xander begins to worry. Xander: Uh, I really gotta go. Right now. He heads down the hall away from them. They both just watch him go. Cut to Xander's room at home. He barges in and slams the door behind him. He calms down a bit, takes the few steps over to his bed and sits on it. Behind him Willow sits up from under the covers wearing one of his shirts and touches him on the back. Xander jumps up in surprise and stares at her in shock. Willow: Sorry. I wanted to surprise you. Xander: (grins nervously) Good job! High marks. Willow: Don't be so jumpy. I've been in your bed before. Xander: Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas. Willow: Xand, I've been thinking. Xander: Will, I, I think I know what you've been thinking. But this is all my fault. I cast a spell, and it sort of backfired. Willow: (rubs the sheets) How long have we been friends? Xander: (very nervous) A long, long time. Too long to do anything that might change that now. Willow: (moves to the edge of the bed) Well, friendships change all the time. People grow apart. They grow closer. (smiles up at him) Xander: Uh, this is good! How close we are now. I feel very comfortable with this amount of closeness. In fact, (points behind himself) I can even back up a few paces and still be happy. (steps back) See? (smiles, still nervous) She gets up from the bed and approaches him. His shirt is the only thing she's wearing. Willow: I want you, Xander... (smiles) to be my first! Xander: (extremely nervous) Baseman. Please tell me we're talking baseball. He starts to back up when she reaches him. She puts her hands up against his chest. Willow: Shhh. He backs into the door. She rubs her hands up and down his chest. Willow: We both know it's right. (leans into him for a kiss) Xander: (backs his head away) It's not that I don't find you sexy. Willow: (leans away to look at him) Is it Oz? (shakes her head) Don't worry about him. He's sweet, but... he's not you. (rubs his chest more) Xander: Yes, he is. And you should go to him. 'Cause he's me. (grins) She leans up to the side of his face and starts to suck on his earlobe. Xander is sweating b*ll*ts now, having no idea how to handle this. Xander: I-I don't wanna use force. She lets go of his ear and leans back to face him again with a wide smile on her face. Willow: Mm. Force is okay! She tries for his ear again, but he takes her by the arms and pushes her away. She stares at him in confusion. Xander: Th-that's it! This has gotta stop. It's time for me to act like a man. (opens the door behind him) And hide. (rushes out) Cut to the hall at school. Cordelia comes in at the far end and walks up to her friends standing there in a huddle. They all cross their arms and face her when she arrives. Cordelia: Ha. Very funny. What did I do now, wear red and purple together? Harmony: You know what you did. Xander is wounded because of you. They all walk past her in disgust. She turns around, and they face her when she speaks. Cordelia: Are you tripping? I thought you wanted me to break up with him! Harmony: Only a sick pup would let Xander get away, no matter what her friends said. They all give her a huff and leave. Cordelia: What does it take to make you people happy? Cut to a pair of doors in the halls. The camera is at a low angle for a sh*t of Xander's shoes as he pushes open the doors and walks into the hall in slow motion to the tune of "Got the Love" by The Average White Band. Lyrics: Hey, yeah / Got the love, got the love Cut to Xander staring at all the girls looking at him with love in their eyes, some giggling, some giving him sexy looks, some just watching him walk. Lyrics: Mm, yeah / Got the love, got the love He looks over at the other side of the hall, and it's more of the same. Lyrics: Got the love, got the love / Sugar baby / Got the love, got the love Xander keeps walking up the hall. The guys are clearly not happy that he has the attention of all the girls. Lyrics: Oh, now, babe, you've been gone such a long time Behind him the girls start to gather and follow. Lyrics: Been thinkin' 'bout what it is we got Several girls cross in front of him and check him out. Lyrics: Not all the time in the world / Whoo! / But got a lot Xander looks around in disbelief. Lyrics: Now, there's much more than a ghost of a chance More girls stare at him walking by, and he gets looks and shakes of heads from the guys. Lyrics: We can make it right this time A group of four girls starts to tail him down the hall. Lyrics: 'Cause you've got to stay mine Cut to the library. Xander comes in, closes the door behind him and checks to see if any of the girls are following him in. Lyrics: Yeah, I got the love / Got the love, got the love Satisfied he has no stalkers, he heads into the library to find Giles as the music fades out. Lyrics: We got to make it work / Got the love, got the love Giles: (comes down the stairs) Xander. (looks at him) What is it? (sets his books down) Xander: It, it's me... throwing myself at your mercy. Giles: What? Why? (takes off his glasses to clean them) Xander: I made a mess, Giles. See, I found out that Amy's into witchcraft, and I was hurt, I guess, so I... made her put the love whammy on Cordy, but it backfired, and now every woman in Sunnydale wants to make me her cuddle monkey, which may sound swell on paper, but... Jenny comes into the library behind them and strides up to Giles. Jenny: Rupert, we need to talk. Hey, Xander. Nice shirt. (rubs his shirt) Look, Rupert, I know that you're angry at me, and I don't blame you, but I am not just gonna go away. (keeps rubbing Xander's arm) I mean, I care far too much about you to... (looks at Xander's arm) Have you been working out? Xander gives Giles a 'see what I mean?' look. Giles grabs Jenny by the arms and pulls her away and behind him. Jenny: Oh! She stares at Xander with a look of desire in her eyes. Giles looks at her, at Xander, back at her, and finally back at Xander. Giles: I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this! Xander: Oh, no, I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this. Jenny keeps staring at him while she plays with her necklace. Giles: Has, uh... Has Amy tried to reverse the spell? Xander: I get around Amy and all she wants to do is talk honeymoon plans. Jenny: (steps toward Xander) Rupert, maybe I need to talk to Xander alone. Giles: (pushes her back) Do you have any idea how serious this is? People under a-a love spell, Xander, are-are deadly. They lose all capacity for reason. He looks at Jenny who has g*n rubbing her hands over her face and neck, then down her body. Giles: (to Xander) And if what you say is true and the entire female population is affected, I... (sternly) Don't leave the library. (Jenny keeps staring) I'll find Amy and see if we can put a stop to this thing. He starts to leave the library. Jenny rubs her fingers together, alone at last with Xander, and sashays up to him. He steps back away from her. Giles walks back up to them, takes Jenny by the hand and pulls her out of the library behind him. Jenny moans and reaches her arm out to Xander as Giles drags her off. Jenny: No! Xander realizes he's finally alone without any girls around, and quickly moves to push the mobile card catalog in front of the doors in an attempt to keep it that way. As he heads back toward the table Buffy pulls the door out and open and steps in wearing only a short black raincoat that reaches barely down to mid-thigh and black high heels. When Xander hears the door swing shut and smack the card catalog behind him he spins around and stares at Buffy in shock. She is standing there with one hand on the catalog and the other propped up on top of the theft detector and smiles at him as she raises her right ankle and rubs it against her left calf. Buffy: Alone at last. Xander: (stares open-mouthed) Buff, give me a heart att*ck! Buffy: Oh, (starts a sexy walk toward him) I'm gonna give you more than that. (grabs her raincoat belt to untie it) Xander: (backs away, gesturing with his hands) Buff, for the love of God, don't open that raincoat. Buffy: Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present? (undoes a button) Xander: (keeps backing toward the stairs nervously) It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. (trips and falls backward onto the stairs) Not like this. This isn't real to you. (Buffy steps up and puts her leg over him) You're only here because of a spell. (gets a confused stare from her) I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me... (shakes his head) But you don't. So I can't. Buffy: (starts to get upset) So you're saying this is all a game? Xander: A game? I... No! Buffy: (angry) You make me feel this way, and then you reject me? What am I, a toy? Xander: Buffy, please calm down. Buffy: I'll calm down when you explain yourself! Amy: (appears behind them) Get away from him. (Buffy turns to her) He's mine. Buffy: (steps toward Amy) Oh, I don't think so. (looks back at him) Xander, tell her. Xander: What? I, uh... Amy: He doesn't have to say. (Buffy looks back at her) I know what his heart wants. Buffy: Funny, I know what your face wants. She swings and punches Amy in the face. She falls to the floor. Buffy confronts Xander. Buffy: What is this, you're two-timing me? Xander doesn't know what to say. Amy gets up. Her nose is bloody and her eyes have become pitch-black. She begins to weave a spell with her hands. Amy: Goddess Hecate, work thy will. Xander: Uh-oh. The spell's energy swirls around her. Amy: Before thee let the unclean thing crawl! She thrusts her arms out at Buffy, and the power of the spell leaps from her hands and envelops the Slayer. The energy soon dissipates. Xander: Buffy! (stares in utter disbelief) Oh, my God! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Xander looks down at Buffy's empty raincoat lying on the floor, then back up at Amy. Giles comes back into the library with Jenny. Giles: What, what just happened? Xander: (indicates the raincoat) Buffy. Jenny smiles broadly when she sees Xander and tries to go to him, but Giles holds her back. Giles: Where is she? They both look down at the raincoat. Cut to a sh*t of a sleeve. Buffy has been turned into a rat, and she comes crawling out. Giles: Oh, my God! Amy: (steps over to Xander) Why is she here? (gestures at Jenny) Xander: Can you focus for a minute? You just turned Buffy into a rat. Buffy starts to scamper across the floor. Giles follows her with his gaze. Amy: (to Xander) Buffy can take care of herself. (takes his arm) Why don't we go someplace private? Jenny puts her hands on her hips and gives Amy a haughty look. Giles looks around for where Buffy went. Xander: (jerks his arm away) Can you... I'm not going anywhere until you change her back. Jenny: (steps over to Amy) You heard him. So why don't you undo your little magic trick and get lost? Amy: Who made you Queen of the World? Well, you're old enough to be. Jenny: Well, what can I say? (grabs Xander by the shirt) I guess Xander's just too much man (pulls him closer) for the pimple squad. Amy puts her arm between them and pushes Xander away from Jenny. She waves her hands before her and begins to cast another spell. Her eyes turn pitch-black, and energy begins to swirl around her as she speaks. Amy: Goddess Hecate, to you I pray, with this... Xander: (puts his hand over Amy's mouth) Would you quit with the Hecate?! (pulls her back and away) Cut to the halls. Cordelia is at her locker and closes it. She starts down the hall, but runs into Harmony and friends waiting to confront her. Cordelia: Okay, what now? You don't like my locker combination? Harmony: (hands on her hips) It's just not right. You never loved him. You just used him. You make me sick. Cordelia: (sarcastically) Okay, Harmony, if you need to borrow my Midol, just ask. Harmony slaps Cordelia across the face. She holds her hand to her face and looks at Harmony in surprise. She turns to go the other way, but Cordette blocks her way and pushes her up against the lockers. Then she and another girl pull her away from the wall and shove her down to the floor. Cut to the library. Giles has had enough and talks sternly to Amy and Jenny. Giles: You two, sit. (Amy goes to the table) And be quiet. (Jenny joins her) We have to catch the Buffy rat. (takes off his coat) Xander: (spots Buffy) Ooo, there! Buffy squeezes behind a bookcase as he rushes to try to catch her. Amy and Jenny sit down at the table across from one another, each staring at the other. Xander is too late to get Buffy, but he sees her crawl along the space behind the case toward the other end. He quickly crawls along the front of the case to head her off. Giles watches at the end that Xander just left. Xander peeks around the other end of the bookcase to wait for Buffy to come out. Xander: Good Buffy. Just... He sees someone come up next to him and looks up. There he sees Oz standing over him, and the next thing he knows Oz has punched him in the face. He stumbles backward into the shelves. Giles is startled and looks up as well. Oz shakes out his hand. Buffy makes her escape from behind the bookcase and goes out of the library doors into the hall. Oz: (still shaking his hand) That kinda hurt. Xander: (rubbing his cheek) Kinda?! What was that for? Oz: I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about *you*. Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to... h*t you. (offers his hand to help Xander up) Xander: (takes Oz's hand and gets up) I didn't touch her. I swear. Giles: (upset) Xander! Where's Buffy? (starts looking again) Xander: (to Oz) Amy turned her into a rat. Oz: (looks around) Oh. Giles and Xander get on their knees and look around while making squeaking noises. Oz crouches down to look as well. Giles: I don't see her. If anything happens to her, I'll... (looks at Xander in disgust) Oh, just go home. (stands up) Lock yourself away. You're only going to cause more problems here. Now, Amy, Jenny and I will, uh... try and break the spell. (the women stand up) Oz, if, if you could aid us in, in finding, um... Buffy. Oz: Sure. Absolutely. Xander starts to say something, but Giles cuts him off before he can even get out a word, doing his best to control his anger. Giles: Just go. Get out of my sight. Xander doesn't take it very well and stares at Giles for a moment with his mouth agape, but then goes with his head hung low. Oz crouches back down to look for Buffy. Oz: Buffy... Cut to the hall. Xander comes out of the library, still looking down, when he hears Cordelia cry out and looks down the hall toward her voice. Cordelia: What are you doing?! You guys are crazy! He sees a group of girls apparently involved in a catfight. Harmony: You thought you could do better, is that it? Cordelia: No, I... Cordette: We'll knock that snotty attitude right out of you! The crowd of girls opens a bit, and Xander sees that it is indeed Cordelia that they are attacking. He starts running toward them, and when they see him coming several of them break off and come at him, screaming and shouting. In their lust they try to grab him as the others push Cordelia to the floor. He fights his way through them and over to Cordelia, where one girl has g*n pulling at her hair. Cordelia: Ow! Stop! When he reaches her, he pushes the hair-pulling girl aside, picks up Cordelia from the floor into his arms and shakes the girls off as he runs from the hall. They all chase after him. Cut to the library. Jenny paces while Giles sits at the table and goes through some books. Amy, seated opposite him, wipes the blood from her nose. Giles: You must have botched the ritual so that Cordelia's necklace actually protected her from the spell. Th-th-that one should be easily reversible. W-w-where did you learn animal transformation? Amy: (looks up at Giles) Why did you send Xander away? (Giles puts his hands to his eyes in despair) He needs me. Jenny: (chortles) That's a laugh. Amy: (to Jenny) He loves me. We look into each other's souls. Jenny: No one can love two people at once. What *we* have is real. Giles: Instead of making me ill, why doesn't one of you try to help me? Amy: (looks back into her pocket mirror) You have no idea what I'm going through. Giles: (gets up) (to Amy, sternly) I know it's not love. It's obsession. Selfish, banal obsession. (Jenny starts out of the library) Now, Xander has put himself in very great danger. If you cared at all about him, you'd help me save him, rather than wittering on about your feelings. Amy looks away from him. Jenny goes out the door. Giles pokes his fingers into the book in front of Amy. Giles: Now, let's get on with some work. (turns to Jenny) Now, Jenny... (sees she's gone) Great! Cut to an exit from the halls to outside. Xander and Cordelia come running out. Xander: I think we... (sees a crowd of girls waiting for them) lost 'em. Willow is at the front of the crowd holding a large f*re ax. Willow: I should've known I'd find you with her. Xander: Will... Come on, you don't wanna hurt me. Willow: Oh, no? You don't know how hard this is for me. I love you so much! I'd rather see you d*ad than with that bitch. She raises the ax and advances toward him. The others start toward him as well. Harmony and her friends come running out of the hall now, too, and confront the crowd. The girls all scream and yell as they fight. Harmony grabs Willow's ax and wrestles her for it. Harmony: Get away from him! He's mine! As the girls all fight Xander and Cordelia make their escape. When the girls realize they've gone they start to give chase. Cut to the school basement door standing ajar. Buffy scampers in and hops down each step. She makes her way over to the boiler room. Oz has managed to track her and comes down the steps behind her with a flashlight. When he reaches the bottom of the steps he scans around, looking for where she went. Buffy goes into the boiler room, and Oz soon follows. A cat sees Buffy and meows meanly at her. Buffy squeaks and runs off. The cat chases after her. Cut to Buffy's street. Xander and Cordelia come running down it and slow to a walk. Xander: Okay, now I really think we've lost them. Cordelia: Damn it, Xander, what's going on? Who died and made *you* Elvis? Xander: (sees the house) Buffy's house. Let's get inside. I'll explain later. They run up to the door and Xander knocks fast and loud, looking back to see if the crowd of girls has found them yet. Cordelia joins in the knocking. Cordelia: (frantic) Come on! Joyce: (opens the door) Xander, Cordelia, what... They push their way in past her. Cordelia: Yeah, hi. She slams the door shut behind her, and she and Xander look out the small windows in the door to make sure there's still no one following them. Cut inside the kitchen. Xander walks in with Joyce and Cordelia close behind. Joyce: What happened? Why are you all scratched up? Where's Buffy? Xander: She's, um... around. Joyce: (gestures to a stool) Well, sit down and tell me about it. (Xander sits) (to Cordelia) Why don't you run upstairs and grab some bandages out of the bathroom? Cordelia goes down the hall toward the stairs. Joyce looks at Xander again. Joyce: Let me, uh, get you something to drink. You in the mood for cold or hot? Xander: I, uh... (shrugs with his hands) Joyce: (walks around behind him) I think it's (starts rubbing his shoulders) more of a *hot* night, don't you? (leans in and giggles) Xander: (drops his head to the table) Whatever. Joyce: (massages his shoulders) Ooo, you are so tense. (kisses his neck) Mm. Cordelia: (comes back) What are you doing? Make me yak! Joyce: (defensive) Cordelia, go back upstairs. This is between us. Cordelia: Gross! I think not. She grabs Joyce by the arm and pushes her back toward the door and opens it. Joyce: What are you doing? Hey! Get your hands off me! Cordelia pushes her out of the door, slams it shut and locks it. Cordelia: And keep your mom-aged mitts off my boyfriend. Former! (to Xander) Why has everyone gone insane? Xander: Insane? Is it so impossible for you to believe that other women find me attractive? Cordelia: The only way you could get girls to want you would be witchcraft. Xander: That is such a... (concedes) Well, yeah, okay, good point. Joyce breaks one of the kitchen door windowpanes. Cordelia: Oh, my God! Joyce reaches in and feels around for the lock. Joyce: Xander, honey, let Joycie in. Hon, let Joycie in! Xander gets up, takes hold of Cordelia and leads her out of the kitchen at a run. Xander: Upstairs! Buffy's room! Joyce: (finds and works the lock) Sweetheart... Cut to Buffy's room. They run in, and Cordelia slams the door shut. Xander goes to the window and checks outside. Xander: Good. The mob still hasn't found us. We should be safer up here. Just as he looks back from the window Angelus grabs him from outside. Angelus: Works in theory. He pulls Xander out onto the roof. Cordelia: (terrified) Xander! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The boiler room at school. The cat has apparently gone or been chased away. Buffy crawls around, trying to find the source of a scent. The camera pans behind some crates over to a trap baited with cheese. Cut to the roof outside of Buffy's window. Angelus grabs Xander by the shirt. Angelus: Where's Buffy?! Cordelia comes up to the window and looks out at them. Xander: Cordy, get outta here! Angelus throws him off of the roof to the lawn below. He leaps down after him and stands over him. Angelus: Perfect. (grabs Xander and pulls him up) I wanted to do something special for Buffy, actually to Buffy, but this is *so* much better! Xander knees him in the crotch, but Angelus isn't fazed. He flips Xander over backward onto the grass again. He bends down, grabs Xander's hair and lifts his head up. Angelus: If it's any consolation, I feel very close to you right now. A hand grabs Angelus by the shoulder, pulls him up and throws him aside into a tree. He hits it hard and slides down to the ground. Xander jumps to a conclusion and looks up at his savior. Xander: Buffy, how... Drusilla: Don't fret, kitten. (helps him up) Mummy's here. Angelus: I don't know what you're up to, Dru, but it *doesn't* amuse! She growls at Angelus and he growls back. Drusilla: If you harm one hair on this boy's head... (strokes his hair) Angelus: You've gotta be kidding. Him? Drusilla: Just because I finally found a *real* man... (turns Xander to face her) Angelus: I guess I really *did* drive you crazy. (backs away) Drusilla: (runs her fingers over Xander's lips) Your face is a poem. (moans) I can read it. Xander: (terrified) Really? It doesn't say 'spare me' by any chance? Drusilla: Shhh. (kisses him) How do you feel about eternal life? Xander: (trembles with fear) We couldn't just start with a coffee? A movie, maybe? She grabs his hair and jerks his head to the side, exposing his neck. She moves in to bite him, but gets distracted by the screams of the mob of women running at them. Willow leads them with her ax. Jenny and the rest are right behind. Some of the others have w*apon as well. Girl: There he is! Get them! Jenny: He's mine! Get off! Drusilla lets go of Xander. Willow shoves her aside. Jenny jumps onto Xander and knocks him to the ground. All the girls are screaming. Several of them including Harmony begin to paw at him. Willow stands over him with her ax. Cordelia comes out of the house and rushes toward the mob. Xander gets pinned down, and Willow raises her ax to strike. Willow: All you had to do was love me! Cordelia: No! She grabs the ax and shoves Willow over and onto the ground, then tries to free Xander. Cordelia: Get out of the way! Move it! Get off him! She pushes the one that has him pinned down off of him, grabs his hand and pulls him up. Cordelia: Back off! She pushes him ahead of her, and they start to run back to the house. They just manage to slam the door in the faces of their pursuers. Cut to outside the door to the kitchen. Drusilla hits it with both hands, and it goes crashing to the floor. Two girls rush in beside her. Girl: I love you! When Drusilla tries to follow an unseen force prevents from entering the house. Angelus watches from behind her. Angelus: Ahh! Sorry, Dru. (she turns to face him) I guess you're not invited. Cut to Xander and Cordy inside the front door. Joyce comes up behind them holding a large Kn*fe. Joyce: It's never gonna work for us, Xander. We have to end it. The other two girls come up behind her. Cordelia yells out in fright as Xander pulls her away from the door. Cut inside the basement. Xander and Cordelia rush in. He pulls the door closed behind him and hooks it shut. Cut to the boiler room. Oz continues scanning with his flashlight. Oz: Here, Buffy. Cut to the trap. The camera pans up from it over to a pile of rags. Buffy climbs over the pile and heads for the trap. Cut to the science lab. Giles and Amy have a beaker of brew going over a Bunsen burner. Giles checks everything and is satisfied. Giles: Right. (to Amy) Go on. You first. Cut to the basement at Buffy's house. The door is being yanked at violently. Xander has hammered a couple of boards across the doorframe and looks back at Cordelia. Xander: Gimme a nail! She hands him a nail and he goes back to hammering. Cordelia: If we die in here I'm gonna kick your ass! I mean it! Xander: (looks back at her) None of this would've happened if you hadn't broken up with me. But no, you're so desperate to be popular! (hammers) Cordelia: Me? I'm not the one who embraced the black arts just to get the girls to like me. Well, congratulations, it worked! Xander: (looks at her) Would've worked fine, except your hide's so thick, not even magic can penetrate it! (hammers) She is surprised by that, and reaches out to him. He turns to face her again. Cordelia: You mean the spell was for me? They look at each other for a moment, then a Kn*fe blade s*ab through the door. Cordelia screams, and they both run down the steps. Once at the bottom they hear glass breaking and see a hand reach in through the basement window. Girl reaching in: Oh, please let me touch you! Cut to the boiler room. Buffy crawls onto the trap. Cut to the science lab. Amy begins her chant. Amy: Goddess of creatures great and small, I conjure thee to withdraw. Cut to the boiler room. Oz continues looking for Buffy. Cut to the lab. Amy: Hecate, I hereby license thee to depart. Giles sprinkles a powder into the beaker and it sparks. Cut to the boiler room. A bright light begins to flash from behind the crate where Buffy is. Oz holds up his flashlight and squints against the light. In a few seconds it's over. Oz: Buffy? She raises her head and looks around from behind the crate. Cut to the basement at the Summers house. Cordelia screams as she and Xander run into the area where the washer and dryer are. Willow finally gets the door open. Cordelia: Oh, my God! Xander spots a large pipe wrench and grabs it to use as a w*apon. Xander: Stay behind me. Willow ducks under the boards Xander nailed across the doorframe and starts down the stairs. Joyce is right behind her with her Kn*fe. A crowd of girls follows them. Cordelia and Xander retreat into the corner by the water heater. Cut to the lab at school. Giles takes a pinch of an herb from a jar. Giles: Um... Diana, goddess of love, be gone. He puts the herb into the brew and it sparks. Giles: Hear no more thy siren's song. Cut to Buffy's basement. Willow leads the way in. When they find Xander and Cordelia they all charge them, screaming and shouting. They knock Xander and Cordelia to the floor. The two of them have to fight off the girls' grabbing hands. Cordelia: Get off! Willow has dropped her ax and paws at them like the others. Xander struggles to keep from being torn apart. Cut to the lab. Giles waves Cordelia's pendant over the brew and drops it in. Suddenly a cloud of energy appears above them, and they have to hold on to the lab table to keep from being knocked down. The energy draws in from the windows and spirals down into the beaker. As quickly as it was there it's gone. Cut to the basement. The g*ng of girls stops struggling. Cordelia pushes one of them away. Cordelia: Get off me! They all stand up and look around at each other. Girl: What's going on? Where am I? What's going on? Cut to the boiler room. Buffy stands up and Oz raises his flashlight and shines it on her. She looks down at herself. He immediately raises the light away from her and turns it off. She hugs her arms around herself to cover up. Buffy: (smiles) Hi, Oz! Oz: Hi. Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here. Oz: But you're not a rat. So call it an upside. Buffy: You think maybe you could get me some clothing? Oz: Yes, I can. Just, uh... don't go anywhere. (leaves) Buffy: (looks around) Really not an issue. Cut to Joyce's basement. Everyone is still confused. Joyce looks around at all the people in her basement. Joyce: What... What did we... Cordelia: (thinking quick) Boy, that was the best scavenger hunt ever. She and Xander smile at everyone lamely. Cut to the halls at school the next day. Xander and Buffy come walking around the corner and continue toward the library. Buffy: Scavenger hunt. Xander: Your mom seemed to buy it. Buffy: So she says. I think she's just so wigged at hitting on one of my friends that she's repressing. She's getting pretty good at that. I should probably start worrying. Xander: Well, I'm back to being incredibly unpopular. Buffy: It's better than everyone trying to ax-m*rder you, right? Xander: Mostly, but, uh... Willow won't even talk to me. Buffy: Any particular reason she should? Xander: How much groveling are we talking here? Buffy: Oh, a month, at least. (they stop and face each other) Xander, come on, I mean... this is worse for her than anyone. She loved you before you invoked the great Roofie spirit. The rest of us... Xander: You remember, huh? Buffy: Oh, yeah. I remember coming on to you, I remember begging you to undress me... And then a sudden need for cheese. I also remember that you didn't. Xander: Need cheese? Buffy: Undress me. It meant a lot to me what you said. Xander: C'mon, Buffy, I couldn't take advantage of you like that. Okay, for a minute, it was touch and go there... Buffy: You came through. There might just be hope for you yet. Xander: Well, tell that to Cordelia. Buffy: You're on your own there. She goes off down the hall leaving Xander alone. Cut to the colonnade. Cordelia, Harmony and friends come walking around under the balcony and head toward the foot of the stairs. Harmony: Cody Weinberg called me at home last night. Cordelia: Cody Weinberg? The one with the 350sl? Harmony: The very one. Said he's thinking of asking me to the pledge dance on Thursday. Cordelia: That's so huge! Harmony: Yeah, there's just two other girls he's gonna ask first, and if they refuse, then I'll... Xander bumps into Harmony as they round the corner to the stairs. Harmony: Watch it! Xander: Sorry. Harmony: God! (looks him up and down) Y'know, I'm glad your mom stopped working at the drive-through long enough to dress you. (to Cordelia) Oh, that reminds me. (Xander starts away) Did you see Jennifer's backpack? It is *so* a crying... Cordelia: (interrupts) Harmony, shut up. (Xander looks back) Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep. Harmony: I'm not a sheep. Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm *way* cooler than you are 'cause I'm *not* a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? (Xander smiles) I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is. Xander's smiles fades at that. Cordelia leaves the group and goes over to him. He smiles again. When she reaches him she takes his arm and they start walking together along the colonnade. Cordelia: (breathing hard with anxiety) Oh, God! Oh, God! Xander: (pats her hand) You're gonna be okay. Just keep walkin'. Cordelia: Oh, God, what have I done? They're never gonna speak to me again! Xander: Oh, sure, they are. If it helps, whenever we're around them you and I can fight a lot. Cordelia: You promise? Xander: (takes her hand in his) You can pretty much count on it. They both smile as they continue walking.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x16 - Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The Bronze. The camera extends out from the catwalk, looking straight down onto the people below. They are dancing to the slow, sensual rhythm of "Never an Easy Way" performed by Morcheeba. Lyrics: Think I slip the net / But I cut myself free Cut to the crowd below. Buffy and Xander are dancing together, but not close, and exchange a few words as they move around. Behind them Cordelia and Willow are sitting at a table and chatting. Lyrics: I'm not losing yet / So don't forget me / I'll say it, replay it... A man crosses in front of the camera, temporarily blocking the view, and when he's gone by Angelus is standing beyond the table near the base of the stairs. He watches them dance. His voice narrates throughout the scene. Angelus: Passion. Lyrics: ...and try tomorrow Angelus: It lies in all of us. Lyrics: I'll say it, replay it... Angelus: Sleeping... Lyrics: ...and live with sorrow Angelus: ...waiting... And though unwanted... Lyrics: You'd think I'd learn by now Angelus: ...unbidden... it will stir... Lyrics: There's never an easy way He begins to move around the room, all the while keeping his stare on Buffy. Angelus: ...open its jaws, and howl. Lyrics: I'll get through somehow / I'm on my knees to pray Cut outside to the alley. Willow and Buffy come walking out of the Bronze. Buffy has her arm hooked into Willow's. Cordelia and Xander are behind them with their arms around each other. Lyrics: You'd think I'd learn by now / There's never an easy way They walk past a couple, apparently engaged in a kiss. The camera stops on the couple. Lyrics: I'll get through somehow... The man lifts his head from the woman, and it's Angelus, just finishing a bite. He lets the woman's d*ad body fall to the pavement. He steps out into the alley, leaving the woman's body lying there, and watches the group as they walk away, completely unaware of his presence and his deed. He morphs into his human guise and begins to follow. Cut to a sh*t into Buffy's room from outside of her window. Buffy walks around her bed past the window. On her way back she pauses by the window and looks out. She lifts the blinds a little and scans around. Seemingly satisfied that no one's there she walks back over to her closet, unzipping the back of her dress along the way. Cut to later inside her room. She's in her pajamas now. She sets her alarm and gets into bed. She reaches over to turn off her light and settles in to sleep. The camera closes in on her a little and turns to include the window in the sh*t. Angelus is outside looking in. Cut to even later in her room. The camera closes in on a sleeping Buffy. A shadow comes across her bed, and a hand reaches over to stroke her hair with its fingers. The camera pans over to the person, and it's Angelus, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking down at her. He continues his narration as the camera pulls out for a sh*t of him sitting next to her while she sleeps. Angelus: It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Morning in Buffy's room. The camera pans from the foot of her bed up to her face. She stirs and wakes. She opens her eyes to look over at her clock, but they fix on an envelope left next to her on her pillow. She lets out an inquiring moan, pushes her hair back and picks up the envelope as she sits up. She looks down at it and sees that it's blank. She opens it, takes out the paper inside, unfolds it and can only stare at it in disbelief. Cut to a view of the sheet. On it is a pencil sketch of her sleeping. Buffy: He was in my room. Cut to the library. Giles is behind the counter checking in various books. Buffy walks past him toward the table as he looks up. Giles: Who? Buffy: Angel. He was in my room last night. He comes out from behind the counter and follows her over to the table. Xander and Cordelia are there also. Giles: Are you sure? Buffy: Positive. When I woke up, I found a picture he'd left me on my pillow. (crosses her arms) Xander: A visit from the pointed-tooth fairy. Cordelia: Wait, I thought vampires couldn't come in unless you invited them in. Giles: Yes, but, uh, once you've invited them in, thereafter they're, they're always welcome. Buffy looks down, then over at Xander as he speaks. Xander: Y'know, I think there may be a valuable lesson for you gals here about inviting strange men into your bedrooms. Cordelia: (realizes) Oh, God! (looks at Xander) I invited him in my car once. (looks at Giles) That means he can come into my car whenever he wants. Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' (Cordelia looks at him) to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas. Cordelia looks away, disgusted. Buffy: Giles, there has to be some sort of spell to reverse the invitation, right? Like a barrier, a no shoes, no pulse, no service kind of thing? Cordelia: Yeah, that works for a car, too? Giles: Yes, well, I-I-I could check on my... Xander: (hops up from his chair) Hello! They all look behind them and see Jonathon and a girl come into the library. Xander: Excuse me, but have you ever heard of knocking? Jonathon: (gestures to the library before him) We're supposed to get some books. On Stalin. (nods) Xander: (points at Jonathon) Does this look like a Barnes & Noble? Giles: This is a school library, Xander. Xander: Since when? Giles: (to Jonathon) Uh, y-yes, yes, uh, third row. (gestures to the stacks) Historical biographies. Jonathon: Thanks. He and the girl walk past them, up the stairs and into the stacks. The others watch them go until they disappear. Xander points out of the library. He and Cordelia pick up their things and start out. Giles looks at Buffy, confused, but follows. Giles: What... (gets a look from Buffy) Oh! Jonathon comes back out of the stacks. Jonathon: Hey, did you say that was the... (sees they're gone) Hello? Cut to the hall. Xander and Cordelia lead Giles and Buffy as they walk along. Giles: So Angel has decided to step up his harassment of you? Cordelia: By sneaking in her room and leaving stuff at night? Why doesn't he just slit her throat or strangle her while she's sleeping or cut her heart out? (gets looks from everyone) What? I'm trying to help. They've left the hall and walk along the colonnade. Giles: Yes. (to Buffy) Uh, uh, look, it's-it's classic battle strategy to throw one's opponent off his game. He-he-he's just trying to provoke you. Uh, to taunt you, to, to goad you into, uh, some mishap of some sort. Xander: (looks back at Giles) The (sing-song) nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah approach to battle? Giles: Yes, Xander, once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to its simplest possible form. (Xander smiles) Buffy: Giles, Angel once told me that when he was obsessed with Drusilla, the first thing h-he did was to k*ll her family. Xander: (stops and looks at her) Your mom. Buffy: I know. I'm gonna have to tell her something. (sits on a wall and looks at Giles) The truth? Giles: (approaches her, waving his finger) No. You-you-you-you can't do that. Xander: Yeah. The more people who know the secret, the more it cheapens it for the rest of us. Buffy: But I've gotta tell her something. I've gotta do something. Giles, Angel has an all-access pass to my house, and I'm not always there when my mother is. I can't protect her. Giles: (flustered) I told you I will find a-a spell. Buffy: What about *until* you find a spell? Cordelia: Until then, you and your mother are welcome to ride around with me in my car. Giles: Buffy, I-I understand your concern, but it's imperative that you keep a level head through all this. Buffy: That's easy for you to say. You don't have Angel lurking in your bedroom at night. Giles: I know how hard this is for you. (gets a look from Buffy) All right, I don't. But as the Slayer, you don't have the luxury of being a sl*ve to your, your passions. You mustn't let Angel get to you. No matter how provocative his behavior may become. Buffy: So what you're basically saying is, 'just ignore him, and maybe he'll go away'? Giles: (exhales) Yes. Precisely. Xander: Hey, how come Buffy doesn't get a snotty 'once again you boil it down to the simplest form' thing? Giles and Buffy both look over at him. He looks her up and down. Xander: Watcher's pet. Cut to Jenny's computer science class. Jenny: Don't forget, I need your sample spreadsheets by the end of the week. The bell rings, and she walks around behind her desk. Jenny: Oh, and I want both a paper printout and a copy on disk. Thank you. She looks down at her desk for a second, then back up and reaches her arm out to get Willow's attention before she goes. Jenny: Willow. Willow: (approaches the desk) Yes? Jenny: Um, I might be a little late tomorrow. Do you think you could cover my class till I show? Willow: (smiling brightly) Really? Me? Teach the class? Sure! Jenny: Cool. Willow: (suddenly worried) Oh, wait. W-what if they don't recognize my authority? What if they try to convince me that you always let them leave class early? What if there's a f*re drill? What if there's a f*re? Jenny: (reassuringly) Willow, you're gonna be fine. And I'll try not to be too late, okay? Willow: (calmer) Okay. Good. Earlier is good. (smiles) Will I have the power to assign detention? Or make 'em run laps? Buffy and Giles appear at the door. Buffy: Hey, Will. Jenny and Willow look over at her. Jenny: Hi, Buffy. Rupert. Giles looks down. Buffy: (ignoring Jenny) Willow, I thought I might take in a class. Figured I could use someone who knows where they are. Willow glances over at Jenny with her eyes and then starts to walk out of the classroom. Willow: (to Buffy) Sorry. I have to talk to her. She's a teacher, and teachers are to be respected, (they exit the room) even if they're only filling in until the real teacher shows up, because otherwise chaos could ensue... Giles has let the girls go, and now steps into the classroom. His hands are in his pockets. Jenny: How have you been? Giles: Uh, not so good, actually. Uh, since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of whimsy. Jenny: Well, that sounds bad. (crosses her arms) Giles: He's been in Buffy's bedroom. I-I-I need to drum up a spell to, uh, keep him out of the house. She reaches down to her desk and picks up an old book. Jenny: This might help. (hands it to Giles) I've been doing a little reading since Angel changed. (crosses her arms again) I don't think you have that one. Giles: Thank you. (leafs through it) Jenny: So, how's Buffy doing? Giles: (closes and lowers the book) How do you think? Jenny: (faces away) I know you feel betrayed. Giles: Yes. Well, that's one of the unpleasant side effects of betrayal. Jenny: (looks down at her desk) Rupert... I was raised by the people that Angel hurt the most. (looks up at Giles) My duty to them was the first thing I was ever taught. I didn't come here to hurt anyone, (looks away) a-and I lied to you because I thought it was the right thing to do. I... I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know I was gonna fall in love with you. She pauses for a moment before looking back up at Giles. They exchange a meaningful look, but then she looks away again. Jenny: Oh, God. Is it too late to take that back? Giles: Do you want to? Jenny: (looks at him) I just wanna be right with you. I don't expect more. I just want so badly to make all this up to you. Giles: I understand. But I'm not the one you need to make it up to. She looks at him, understanding. He gives her a little smile and raises the book. Giles: Thank you for the book. He turns and walks out of the room. She just watches him go. Cut to the dining room at Buffy's house. She and Joyce are having dinner. Buffy is just picking at her food. Joyce puts down her fork, folds her hands and leans forward on the table toward her daughter. Joyce: Okay. What's wrong? Buffy: (looks at her mom) It's nothing. (looks at her plate) Joyce: Come on. You can tell me anything. (Buffy eyes her) I've read all the parenting books. You cannot surprise me. Buffy puts down her fork, puts her hands in her lap and looks over at her mother. Buffy: Do you remember that guy Angel? Joyce: Angel, the, um... (thinks) the college boy who was tutoring you in history? Buffy: Right. Uh, he... I-I... (looks down and whispers) Oh, God. Um... (looks back up) We're sort of dating, *were* dating, um, going through a serious off-again phase right now. Joyce: (smiles) Don't tell me. He's changed. He's not the same guy you fell for? Buffy: (smiles nervously) In a nutshell. (loses the smile) A-anyway, um... since he changed, he's been kinda following me around. He's having trouble letting go. Joyce: (concerned) Buffy, has he done anything... Buffy: No! No, it's not like that. He's just been hanging around... a lot. Just sending me notes, that kind of thing. (gets a concerned look from Joyce) I just don't wanna see him right now. I mean, if he shows up, I'll talk to him. Just... don't invite him in. Cut to Willow's room. She's in her pajamas, walking around with her cordless phone to her ear. Willow: I agree with Giles. You need to just try and not let him get to you. (heads for her desk) Angel's only doing this to try to get you to do something stupid. (closes her laptop) I swear, men can be such jerks sometimes. d*ad or alive. (goes to her new aquarium) Buffy: I just hope Giles can find a keep-out spell soon. Cut to Buffy sitting on her bed, also in pajamas, talking into her phone. Buffy: I know I'll sleep easier when I can... sleep easier. Cut to Willow sprinkling fish food into her t*nk. Willow: I'm sure he will. He's like book-man. (puts away the food) Until then, try and keep happy thoughts and... She sees something on her bed. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: And what? Cut to Willow. Buffy: Willow? Willow holds the phone between her cheek and shoulder and reaches down for a blank envelope on her bed. Buffy: Willow? Willow turns back toward her aquarium. The camera follows her and pans around the t*nk for a sh*t of her through the fishless water. She opens the envelope and finds a string. She pulls on it, and out come her fish, strung together one after the other. Willow loses her grip on her phone and it falls to the floor. Cut to later in Buffy's room. She and Willow are sitting on her bed. Behind them is a string of garlic cloves hanging on the wall. Willow has a stake in her hand that she's fidgeting with nervously while she looks around. Willow: Thanks for having me over, Buffy. Especially on a school night and all. Buffy: No problem. Hey, sorry about your fish. Willow: Oh, it's okay. We hadn't really had time to bond yet. Although for the first time I'm glad my parents didn't let me have a puppy. Buffy: (stares into space) It's so weird... Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can't believe it's the same person. He's completely different from the guy that I knew. (looks at Willow) Willow: Well, sort of, except... Buffy: Except what? Willow: (looks at Buffy) You're still the only thing he thinks about. Buffy looks down at her hands. Cut to Spike's warehouse. He's in his wheelchair in the foreground at the head of the table. Drusilla comes in behind him, holding a puppy behind her back. Drusilla: I brought something for you. (brings out the whining puppy) Poor thing. She's an orphan. (reaches Spike) Her owner died... (smiles at him) without a fight. Do you like her? (he looks at her) Hmm? (reaches her hand into his jacket and rubs his chest) I brought her especially for you... (pulls at his jacket) to cheer you up. (raises the puppy) And I've named her... (sweetly) Sunshine! (offers the puppy to Spike) Open wide. (he looks away) Come on, love. You need to eat something to keep your strength up. Now, (waves the puppy around) rrrrr, open up for mummy. Spike: I won't have you feeding me like a child, Dru. (wheels around the table) Angelus: (comes in) Why not? She already bathes you, carries you around and changes you like a child. Drusilla: Why, Angel. (he smiles at her) Where have you been? The sun is almost up, and it can be so hurtful. (looks at Spike) We were worried. Spike: No, we weren't. Drusilla: You must forgive Spike. He's just a bit testy tonight. Doesn't get out much anymore. Angelus: Well, maybe next time I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space. Spike: Have you forgotten that you're a bloody guest in my bloody home? Angelus: (steps closer) And as a guest, (leans in) if there's anything I can do for you... Any... responsibility I can assume while you're spinning your wheels... (looks over at Drusilla) Anything I'm not already doing, that is. Spike: (shoves Angelus away angrily) That's enough! Angelus smiles widely and giggles. Drusilla: Aww... She leans down to Spike, gives him a peck on the cheek and puts the puppy in his lap. He holds the puppy as she steps away and goes around the table. Drusilla: You two boys... fightin' over me and all. (stops between two chairs) Makes a girl feel... Suddenly she looks up and moans loudly in apparent pain. Angelus steps over opposite her across the table, looking concerned. Spike: Dru, what is it, pet? Drusilla: (bent over in pain, breathing hard) The air. It worries. Someone... an old enemy is seeking help... (Angelus throws Spike a look) help to destroy our happy home. (leans against a chair) Ohhhh... Cut to a tarot shop. The camera pans across a display table with a skull in a covered glass bowl, a small gong hung between two horns, a pig fetus in formaldehyde, what looks like a large crab also in formaldehyde and another jar. A pricing g*n waves into view and puts prices on the last two jars. The shopkeeper continues on to price other things. Cut outside. Jenny walks around the railing in front of the shop and takes the steps down to the entrance. Cut inside the shop. She comes in the door and looks around. The shopkeeper looks up from his work. Shopkeeper: (with a Rumanian accent) Welcome. How may I serve you today? Jenny: (faces him) Uh... Shopkeeper: Love potion? Perhaps a voodoo doll for that unfaithful... Jenny: (interrupts) I need an Orb of Thesulah. Shopkeeper: (drops the accent) Oh, you're in the trade. Sorry about the spiel, but around Valentine's Day, I get a lot of tourists shopping for love potions and mystical revenge of past lovers. (goes behind the sales counter) Sad fact is, Ouija boards and rabbits' feet, that's what pay the rent around here. (goes into the back) So how did you hear about us? Jenny: (checks out a few things) My Uncle Enyos told me about you. Shopkeeper: (looks out at her) So you're Janna, then. (she looks at him) Sorry to hear about your uncle. Jenny: Thank you. Shopkeeper: (comes back with a round wooden box) He was a good customer. Well, no, there you go. (sets it down and opens it) One Thesulan Orb. Spirit vault for the rituals of the undead. (Jenny reaches into her purse) I don't get many calls for those lately. (she pulls out her wallet) Sold a couple as new age paperweights last year. (she hands him a credit card) Yeah, I just love those new-agers, boy. They helped to (imprints the card) send my youngest to college. (fills in the form) By the way, you do know that the transliteration annals for the ritual of the undead were lost. (hands her the form and a pen) Without the annals, the surviving text is gibberish. Jenny: And without a translated text, the Orbs of Thesulah are pretty much useless. (signs) Yeah, I know. (hands him his copy) Shopkeeper: Well, I only mention it because I have a strict policy of no refunds. (puts the lid on the box) Jenny: It's okay. I'm working on a computer program to translate the Rumanian liturgy to English based on a random sampling of the text. Shopkeeper: Yecchh. I don't like computers. They give me the willies. Jenny: Well, (takes the box) thank you. Shopkeeper: You're welcome. She takes the lid off of the box as she slowly walks toward the door. Shopkeeper: By the way... (she looks back) Not that it's any of my business, really, but, uh, what are you planning on conjuring up? If you can decipher the text? Jenny: A present for a friend of mine. (lifts the Orb) Shopkeeper: Really? What are you gonna give him? She looks into the Orb and it begins to glow. Jenny: His soul. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. Willow and Buffy are chatting as they walk along the sidewalk and then up the steps. Buffy: We'll be in hiding, probably... (inaudible) Willow: (inaudible) Buffy: Siberia. Xander: (jumps up behind them) Well, good morning, ladies. And what did you two do last night? Willow: We had kind of a 'pajama party sleepover with w*apon' thing. Xander: Oh. And I don't suppose either of you had the presence of mind to locate a camera to capture the moment. Willow: I have to go. I have a class to teach in about five minutes, and I have to arrive early to glare disapprovingly at the stragglers. (sees Jenny arriving) Oh, darn. She's here. (walks off) Five hours of lesson planning yesterday down the drain... Buffy: (sees Jenny, too) You know what? I'll see you in class. She leaves Xander, jogs up to Jenny and gets in front of her. Buffy: Hey. Jenny: Hi. Buffy looks at Jenny a moment, then averts her eyes. Jenny: Uh, is there something that... Did you want something? Buffy: Look... I know you feel badly about what happened, and I just wanted to say... Jenny looks at her expectantly. Buffy: Good. Keep it up. Jenny: (not surprised) Don't worry, I will. Buffy: (holds up her hand) Oh, wait. Um... (looks at her) He misses you. He doesn't say anything, I mean, but I know he does. And I don't want him to be lonely. I don't want anyone to. Jenny: Buffy, you know that if I have a chance to make this up... Buffy: (interrupts) We're... good here. Let's just leave it. She walks away. Jenny watches her go. Cut to the lounge. Giles is talking with a couple of students while searching through his briefcase for some flyers. Giles: I put it here somewhere. (finds the flyers) Oh, yes, yes. That's it. (hands the flyers to the students) Could you, um, hang those up? (the students nod) Thank you. (sees Buffy arrive) Buffy. So, uh, so how was your night? Buffy: Sleepless, but no human fatalities. Cordelia comes up to them. Giles: I-I found a ritual to revoke the invitation to vampires. Cordelia: Oh, thank goodness. I actually had to talk my grandmother into switching cars with me last night. Giles: Um, the-the-the, uh, the ritual's fairly basic, actually. It's just the recitation of a few rhyming couplets, burning of, uh, moss herbs, sprinkling of holy water... (turns down the hall) Buffy: (starts to follow) All stuff I have in my house. Giles: Hanging of crosses... Cut to Willow's room. She nails a cross next to her French doors and pulls the curtain over to hide it. Willow: I'm gonna have a hard time explaining this to my dad. Buffy: You really think it'll bother him? Willow: Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go over to Xander's house just to watch 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' every year. Buffy: I see your point. They go to her bed. Cordelia is looking at Willow's aquarium. Willow: Although it is worthwhile to see him do the Snoopy Dance. (puts down the hammer) Cordelia: Willow, (faces them, arms crossed) are you aware that there are no fish in your aquarium? Willow frowns and whines. Buffy: You know, Cordelia, we've already done your car. Call it a night if you want. Cordelia: Right. Thanks. And you know I'd do the same for you if you had a social life. She picks her coat up from Willow's bed and sees a blank envelope there. Cordelia: Oh. (picks it up) This must be for you. She hands the envelope to Willow. Willow gives Buffy a worried glance and opens it. When she sees what's in it she hands it to Buffy. Willow: It's for you. Buffy unfolds the paper and sees a pencil sketch of her mother sleeping. Buffy: Mom. Cut to Joyce driving home in her Jeep. Cut to a view of her from the lawn nearing the house. As she turns into the driveway the camera pulls back, and Angelus' legs come into view. Joyce sees him as she pulls to a stop and turns off the engine. He approaches her open car window. Angelus: Mrs. Summers, I need to talk to you. Joyce: (gets out with a bag of groceries) You're Angel. Angelus: (pushes the door closed) Did Buffy tell you about us? Joyce: She told me she wants you to leave her alone. Angelus: I-I can't. I can't do that. Joyce: You're scaring her. Angelus: You have to help me. (she starts toward the house) Joyce... (follows her) I need, I need to be with her. Y-you can convince her. You have to convince her. Joyce: Look, (Angelus gets in front of her) I'm telling you to leave her alone. Angelus: You have to talk to her for me, Joyce. Tell her I need her. Joyce: (goes around him) Please, look, I-I just wanna get inside, okay? She lets go of her bag with one hand and rummages in her purse for her keys, but she can't keep her grip on the bag, and it falls. Several oranges roll out and around. Angelus rights the bag and scrambles to pick a few of the oranges up. Angelus: You don't understand, Joyce. (she finds her keys) I'll die without Buffy. She'll die without me. Joyce: Are you thr*at her? Angelus: Please... Why is she doing this to me? Joyce: I'm calling the police now. She forgets the grocery bag and goes to the door. There she fumbles with her keys, trying to find the right one. Angelus comes up next to her. She finally gets the key in the door. Angelus: I haven't been able to sleep since the night we made love. Joyce looks up at him in surprise. Angelus: I need her. I know you understand. Joyce: (opens the door) Just leave us alone. (rushes in) Cut inside. He tries to follow, but comes up against an invisible barrier. Buffy and Willow come down the stairs. Willow reads a Latin verse from a book. Willow: 'Hicce verbis consensus rescissus est.' Translation: By these strong unanimous words [Angelus' permission to enter] is rescinded. Buffy: (comes up to him) Sorry, Angel. Changed the locks. (slams the door in his face) Cut to Jenny's classroom. She's at her desk working on the translation program. She takes a sip of coffee from her mug and sets it back down. She types a few keystrokes, then stares at the screen. Behind her Giles appears and stands in the doorway. Giles: Hello. She startles and looks at him. Quickly she types a few keystrokes, and the screen changes. She turns back to him. Jenny: Oh! Hi. Giles: (steps into the room) You're working late. Jenny: Special project. Giles: Oh. Jenny: I spoke to Buffy today. Giles: Oh! Yes? (sits on her desk) Jenny: Mm. (looks away) She said you missed me. (plays with a pencil) Giles: Well, uh, she's... a meddlesome girl. Jenny: (looks at him) Rupert... Okay, I don't wanna say anything if I'm wrong, but I may have some news. Now, I need to finish up here. Could I see you later? Giles: Y-yes, yes. You could stop by my house. Jenny: Okay. (smiles) Giles: (smiles and gets up) Good. (smiles wider, then goes) Jenny turns her attention back to her computer. Cut to the tarot shop. The Shopkeeper turns out the light by the front entrance and heads toward the back. A woman holding a puppy opens the door and steps in. Shopkeeper: Sorry, honey. (blows out some candles) We're closed. He looks up and sees Drusilla standing there. Shopkeeper: (nervous) W... What do you want? Drusilla: (looks at the puppy) Miss Sunshine here tells me you had a visit today. (stares up) But she worries. (looks at the shopkeeper) She wants to know what you and the mean teacher talked about. Cut to later in Jenny's classroom. She's still working at her computer. She taps a few keys, then looks up at the screen. A percent complete window appears over the Rumanian text, and the bar zips across it. Jenny: Come on, come on... The bar disappears, and a translation scrolls up next to the original text. Jenny: That's it! (exhales and smiles) It's gonna work! (saves the result) This... will work. She pops out an unlabeled yellow floppy disk and sets it aside by some books near the edge of her desk. In the mean time a hardcopy has started to print out. She wheels her chair over to the printer and looks it over. She looks up and sees Angelus sitting in a desk at the back of the class. She gasps and jumps out of her seat. Jenny: Angel... (slowly moves toward the door) How did you get in here? Angelus: I was invited. The sign in front of the school... 'Formatia trans sicere educatorum.' Jenny: 'Enter all ye who seek knowledge.' Angelus: (giggles and gets up) What can I say? I'm a knowledge seeker. (comes toward her) Jenny: (frightened) Angel, I-I-I've got good news. Angelus: I heard. You went shopping at the local boogedy-boogedy store. (sees the Orb on her desk and picks it up) The Orb of Thesulah. If memory serves, this is supposed to summon a person's soul... from the ether... store it until it can be transferred. The Orb begins to glow as he looks into it. He glances up at Jenny for an instant. She edges away from him. Angelus: You know what I hate most about these things? Jenny screams as he heaves it into the chalkboard behind her. It shatters into hundreds of pieces and a lot of dust. Angelus: (smiles) They're so damn fragile. (loses the smile) Must be that shoddy gypsy craftsmanship, huh? Jenny has backed into the wall and trembles with fear. She starts to inch her way toward the door. Angelus reaches over to the PC and turns the monitor so he can see it. Angelus: I never cease to be amazed how much the world has changed in just two and a half centuries. Jenny has reached the door and tries to open it. It's locked. He turns the monitor back around. Angelus: It's a miracle to me. You, you put the secrets to restoring my soul in here... He shoves the computer off her of desk and onto the floor. It breaks, and the monitor shatters and sparks and starts to burn. Angelus tears the printout from the printer. Angelus: It comes out here. (looks at the paper) 'The Ritual of Restoration.' Wow. This, this brings back memories. He starts to tear the printout in half. Jenny: Wait. That's your... Angelus: Oh, my cure? (finishes tearing) No, thanks. Been there, done that, and deja vu just isn't what it used to be. (sees the f*re) My... Isn't this my lucky day. The computer... (holds the paper over the flames) and the pages. (warms his hands) Looks like I get to k*ll two birds with one stone. He crouches over the f*re to warm himself more. Jenny starts toward the back door. Angelus looks back up at her sporting his game face. Angelus: And teacher makes three. She starts to run for it, but Angelus roars and quickly jumps and grabs hold of her. Jenny: No! He throws her back into the locked door, and it breaks open. She looks back at him, scrambles to her feet and begins to run. Angelus: Oh, good. I need to work up an appetite first. Cut to the halls. Jenny comes running, opens the door to the lounge area and runs to another set of door to outside, but they are locked. She runs back into the lounge, sees Angelus coming and runs further down the hall. Angelus pulls open the doors and follows her at a fast walk. Cut outside to another hall exit. Jenny bursts through the door and runs along the colonnade. Angelus is not far behind, and continues after her at a quick pace. Soon he starts to run as well. Jenny keeps running, checking behind her every so often. She reaches the next building and struggles with the door. She looks back and sees Angelus running toward her with an evil grin on his face. She yanks hard at the door several more times before it opens, and she runs in. Cut inside the hall. Jenny pulls the door closed behind her and Angelus slams into it. She starts to run down the hall. Angelus has to yank at the door a couple of times before it opens for him, too, and he runs in after her. A cleaning cart is in the hall by the stairs, and Jenny grabs it and pushes it into Angelus. He slams into it and flies over it and onto the floor while she rushes up the steps. Cut to a view down the stairs from above. Jenny runs up and out of view. Angelus isn't on the floor below anymore. He's nowhere to be seen. Cut to a landing by a large arched window. Jenny runs up onto it and right into a waiting Angelus. She screams when he grabs hold of her. He chuckles and looks into her face. He puts one hand around behind her head and touches her lips with the fingers of his other. The view out of the window is of the park beyond with the palm trees lit up. A car drives by. Angelus: Sorry, Jenny, this is where you get off. He takes his fingers from her lips and puts his hand under her chin. In one swift movement he twists her head and snaps her neck. Her body collapses to the floor. He looks up and around, breathing heavily from the running and the excitement. Angelus: Ah... I never get tired of doing that. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy's house. Giles steps up to the door and knocks. Willow comes to the door and opens it. Giles: Willow, good evening. (steps in) Willow: Hi. Come on in. (closes the door, hands him the book) Here's the book. Giles: Right. (looks the book over) I guess I should do my apartment tonight. (looks up) The ritual go all right? Willow: Oh, yeah. It went fine. Well, it went fine until Angel showed up and told Buffy's mom that he and Buffy had... (nervously) Well, you know, that they had... you know. You do know, right? Giles: Oh, yes. Yes. Sorry. Willow: (relieved) Oh, good, 'cause I just realized that being a librarian and all, you maybe didn't know. Giles: Oh, thank you. I got it. Willow: You would have been proud of her, though. She totally kept her cool. (smiles) There is an awkward moment of silence. Willow: Okay, well, I'll tell Buffy you stopped by. (smiles) Giles: (looks up the stairs) Would you, um... Perhaps I should intervene on, on Buffy's behalf w-w-with her mother. Um, maybe... say something? Willow: Sure! Like, what would you say? Giles: (looks up the stairs again) W... Uh... She reaches for the doorknob and opens it. Giles: You will tell Buffy I dropped by? (goes out) Willow: You bet. (closes the door) Cut to Buffy's room. She's sitting on her bed. Joyce is pacing, trying to take in what she's hearing. Buffy: That stuff with the Latins and the herbs, uh, he's just real superstitious. Joyce: (sits with her eyes closed) Oh. Buffy: We just thought if... Joyce: Was he the first? (opens her eyes) No, wait. (stands up) I don't wanna know. (paces) I don't think I want to. Buffy: Yeah. He was the first. I mean, the only. Joyce: (stops and looks at her daughter) He's older than you. Buffy: I know. Joyce: Too old, Buffy. And he's obviously not very s*ab. I really wish... (sits again) I just thought you would show more judgment. Buffy: (looks at her mother) He wasn't like this before. Joyce: Are you in love with him? Buffy: I was. Joyce: Were you careful? Buffy: (looks away) Mom, this is no time... Joyce: (gets up again) Don't 'Mom' me, Buffy. You don't get to get out of this. You had sex with a boy you *didn't* even see fit to tell me you were dating. Buffy: (nods) I made a mistake. Joyce: Yeah, well, don't just say that to shut me up, because I think you really did. Buffy: I know that! (looks up at her) I-I can't tell you everything. Joyce: How about anything? Buffy, you can shut me out of your life, I am pretty much used to that. But don't expect me to ever stop caring about you, because it's never gonna happen. I love you more than anything in the world. (sits next to Buffy on the bed) That would be your cue to, uh, roll your eyes and tell me I'm grossing you out. Buffy: You're not. Joyce: (inhales) Oh, well... (exhales) I guess that was the talk. Buffy: So how'd it go? They look at each other. Joyce: I don't know. It was my first. Cut to Giles' apartment. He arrives at his door looking at his keys. He looks up and sees a red rose on the door and can hear the music of the opera "La Boheme", by Puccini, coming from inside. He takes the rose, inhales its aroma and smiles. He opens his door and goes in. Cut inside. Giles pokes his head in. Giles: Hello? He sees no one there, so he steps in and closes the door behind him. Giles: Jenny? He puts his briefcase aside and steps over to his coat rack. Giles: It's me! He takes off his coat and hangs it up. He looks around again and sees a chilled bottle of champagne and two long-stemmed glasses on his desk. On top of the crystal ice bucket is a folded piece of paper leaning against the bottle. He sets down his keys and the rose and takes the note. He unfolds it and on it is one word: Upstairs. He smiles and looks up toward the loft. He takes off his glasses and sets them and the paper down. He runs his fingers through his hair, takes the bottle, looks at it, takes the two glasses and starts up the stairs. The opera music gets louder as he nears the loft. The camera follows his footsteps as he climbs the stairs. There is a rose on each step. When he reaches the top he is smiling. He sees Jenny on the bed, but she isn't moving, and his smile quickly fades. The opera reaches a crescendo as he drops the bottle and glasses, and they shatter on the floor. He continues to look at Jenny's body. Her d*ad eyes stare back at him. Cut to later. Giles is leaning on the wall by his front door staring blankly into space. The coroners take Jenny's body away. A police officer approaches him. Officer: Mr. Giles, I need to ask you to come with us. Just to answer a few questions. Giles: (still staring blankly) Of course. Yes. Procedure. (looks at the officer) I need to make a phone call... if that's all right. The officer looks over at the phone and back at him, giving him tacit permission. Giles: (whispers) Yes. (goes to the phone) Cut to Buffy's house. Angelus is looking into the dining room through the window from the porch. Buffy and Willow walk through it and into the living room. Angelus: (narrates) Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. The telephone rings, and Buffy runs back into the dining room to get it. She picks it up from the phone stand and turns so Angelus can see her face. Buffy: Hello. Giles, hey! We did the, the thing. It worked. What? As she listens to Giles her expression becomes increasingly blank. She lowers the phone from her ear. Willow is there now, too, and takes the phone from Buffy. Willow: Giles? Buffy leans against the wall and slides down against it into a crouch. Willow: What? No! (puts the phone down) No! (begins to cry uncontrollably) Noooo! Angelus gloats as he looks into the window. Joyce comes into the dining room when she hears the crying and holds Willow. Buffy looks off into space, then finally lowers her head onto her knees. Angelus smiles and leaves. Cut to later. Cordelia and Xander drive up to Buffy and Willow, who are waiting for them. Xander opens the passenger door and gets out. Buffy: Where's Giles? Xander: No luck. By the time we got to the station, (closes the door) the cops said he'd already left. (Cordelia closes her door) I guess they just wanted to ask him some questions. Buffy: Cordelia, will you drive us to Giles' house? Cordelia: Of course. Willow: But don't you think he wants to be left alone? Buffy: I'm not worrying about what he wants. I'm worried about what he's gonna do. They all get into the car. Cut to Giles' apartment. The camera sweeps down the stairs. The roses have all been trampled and broken. The camera turns the corner of the staircase and sweeps across the area below. Giles' w*apon chest is open and almost empty. He walks across the camera's path, drawing a sword. The camera continues around the room, over to his old Victrola, where the opera record has played out but is still spinning. The camera pulls back past the desk where Giles has a large bag sitting open with various w*apon stashed inside. He adds a small can of gasoline, grabs the bag and heads out of the apartment. The camera closes in on the desk and pans down to a pencil sketch of Jenny lying d*ad on the bed. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Giles' apartment. Xander pushes the door open. A piece of yellow crime scene tape is stretched across the doorway. Xander: Hello? Giles? He ducks under the tape and comes in. Willow and the others follow. Xander goes over to the desk and looks around. Xander: I guess Giles had a big night planned tonight. Buffy: (picks up the sketch of Jenny) Giles didn't set this up. Angel did. (hands Xander the sketch) This is the wrapping for the gift. (heads upstairs) Xander: Oh, man. (exhales) Poor Giles. Willow finds the nearly empty w*apon chest. Willow: Look, all his w*apon are gone. Cordelia: But I thought he kept his w*apon at the library. Xander: No, those are his, uh, everyday w*apon. These were his good w*apon. The ones he, uh, breaks out when company comes to visit. Buffy comes back downstairs and stops on the corner landing. Willow: So he's not here. Cordelia: Well, then where is he? Buffy: He'll go to wherever Angel is. Xander turns to face the girls. Willow: That means the factory, right? Cordelia: So Giles is gonna try to k*ll Angel then? Xander: Well, it's about time somebody did. Willow: Xander! Xander: I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying 'I told you so' long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the, uh, (looks up at Buffy) fiend that m*rder his girlfriend, I say, 'Faster, Pussycat! k*ll! k*ll!' (looks back at Willow and Cordelia) Buffy: You're right. Willow and Cordelia look up at Buffy. Xander: Thank you. Buffy: (takes the rest of the steps down) There's only one thing wrong with Giles' little revenge scenario. Xander: And what's that? Buffy: It's gonna get him k*lled. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Angelus is being lectured. Spike: Are you insane?! We're supposed to k*ll the bitch, not leave gag gifts in the friends' beds. Drusilla: (cuddles her puppy) But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul. Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. (gets a look from Angelus) I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer! Angelus: Don't worry, roller boy. I've got everything under control. A Molotov cocktail swooshes in and bursts on the table, setting it ablaze. Drusilla runs away with Spike wheeling right behind her. They stop out of reach of the flames. Angelus cuts across at the end of the table and gets h*t in the shoulder with a crossbow bolt. He grabs it to pull it out while looking to see who his attacker is. Giles walks toward him with a baseball bat. Angelus pulls the bolt out and throws it aside. Giles puts the end of the bat into the flames, and it catches f*re. He swings it and hits Angelus in the face, then again on the return swing. Angelus staggers and bends down. Angelus: Jeez, whatever happened to wooden stakes? Giles whales on Angelus' back several times. Drusilla makes a move to intervene, but is held back by Spike. Spike: Uh-uh. No fair going into the ring unless he tags you first. Angelus stands back up, but Giles swings the bat into his face twice again, making him fall once more. He continues beating on him, making Angelus collapse all the way to the floor. Angelus tries to get up, but Giles swings into his jaw from underneath. He wields the still burning bat over his head, but as he brings it down Angelus catches it, and they begin to struggle. Angelus quickly gains the upper hand, and takes Giles by the throat, lifting him off of his feet. He drops the bat. Angelus: All right. You've had your fun. But you know what it's time for now? He gets kicked in the back by Buffy and lets Giles fall to the floor. She pulls him back and slams him into the spiral staircase. Buffy: My fun. She kicks him in the face and then shoves him onto the floor. Drusilla quickly wheels Spike away. Buffy kicks Angelus in the face again as he tries to get up, and then lunges at him. He grabs her, flips her over and tries to get away up the stairs. Buffy gets back to her feet fast with Giles' dropped baseball bat in hand and pushes it between the stair railings to trip Angelus up. He falls and she grabs one of his legs. He kicks out at her with it and knocks her off of him and onto the floor. He scrambles up the stairs. Buffy gets up quickly. She sees a stack of crates, runs up it to the catwalk above, and meets Angelus there. He swings at her, but she ducks and kicks him in the back of the knee, making him collapse onto the railing. She grabs a loop of rope, throws it around his neck and yanks him back and forth between the railings several times, then kicks him in the chest, making him stagger back and fall onto his butt. He gets up fast, but she grabs onto a pipe above her head and swings with both feet into his chest again, making him fly back into a barrel and some ducting. She waits on the catwalk for him to come at her again, ready to fight. He charges, and she takes him and diverts him past her and onto the catwalk grating, where he lands with his head against one of the vertical railing bars. She kicks his face, and follows up with several punches and another kick. He starts to laugh as she grabs him by the coat and bangs his head into the railing a couple of times. Angelus: Are you gonna let your old man just burn? She looks down and sees the flames getting higher and nearer to Giles. Angelus takes advantage of the distraction and grabs her legs, lifts her and throws her over the railing. She manages to control her fall and land on her feet near Giles. Angelus takes off down the catwalk and out of the building. Buffy wakes Giles and gets him to his feet, and she supports him as they make their way from the building also. Cut outside. They both come out coughing from the smoke. He pushes her away from him. Giles: Why did you come here?! This wasn't your fight! She punches him in the jaw, and he spins and falls to the pavement. Buffy: Are you trying to get yourself k*lled?! She begins to cry and crouches down to hug him. He cries and hugs her back. Buffy: You can't leave me. I can't do this alone. Cut to Giles' apartment building. Cut to his door, still with the crime scene tape across it. Angelus: (narrates) It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. Giles tears the tape from his doorway and just stares at it for several seconds. Angelus: (narrates) If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Giles enters his apartment. Angelus: (narrates) Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Cut to the cemetery. The camera pans across a small pond. Angelus: (narrates) Without passion, we'd be truly d*ad. The camera pans past Jenny's gravestone. Giles kneels down and lays some flowers on her grave. He looks at her name on the headstone for a moment before standing back up. Buffy is there next to him. Giles: In my years as... Watcher... I've buried... too many people. But Jenny was the first I've loved. Buffy: (looks up at him) I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't k*ll him for you... (looks down at the grave) for her... when I had the chance. Cut to a sh*t of the gravestone. It reads just 'Jennifer Calendar'. Buffy: I wasn't ready. Cut to Jenny's classroom. The students all wait at their desks for the teacher to arrive. Willow walks in and stands at the front of the room. Buffy: (voiceover) But I think I finally am. Willow: Hi. Principal Snyder asked me to fill in for Ms. Calendar... u- until the new computer science teacher arrives. So I'm just gonna stick to the lesson plan she left. She walks around to the front of the desk and looks over the books and things that are there. Buffy: (narrates) I can't hold on to the past anymore. Angel has gone. Nothing's ever gonna bring him back. Willow puts down her own books, and in the process nudges a few books aside a little. As a result the yellow disk that Jenny had set next to the books gets pushed off of the edge. It falls between the desk and the small filing cabinet next to it. It hits the floor and spins around a few times before coming to rest leaning against the side of the cabinet.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x17 - Passion"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The cemetery. The camera closes in on the top of the perimeter wall. A pair of hands hook over the top, and Buffy pulls herself up. She coughs while she pulls her legs over. She jumps down the other side. When she hits the ground she can't keep her balance, and has to use her hands to keep from toppling over. She breathes heavily through her mouth because her nose is stuffed up. Every now and then she sniffles. She pulls a stake out of her jacket. She puts her hand on her forehead and moans as she stands up. Slowly she starts to make her way across the graveyard. Cut to in front of her. The camera follows her as she walks, still sniffling and rubbing her nose. She senses something and tries to concentrate while she slowly approaches a small mausoleum. She raises her stake and jumps around the corner, swinging it to strike at whatever's there. Xander screams and reflexively jumps back, holding on tightly to his own stake. Cordelia lets out a high-pitched scream behind him. Willow is there, too, and the girls both reflexively hold up crosses at Buffy. Buffy: Non-vampire. Plus two. Willow: (sternly as she puts her cross away) Hi. They all step out into the open. Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes! (glances over at Willow) I gotta get me a life! Buffy: What are you doing here? Willow: What are *you* doing here? Buffy: Well, I'm patrolling! Willow: (concerned) Buffy, you're sick. Buffy: No, I feel fine. I mean, I'm... the world's spinning a little bit, but I like it, it's kinda like a ride. Cordelia: Half the school's out with this flu. It's a serious deal, Buffy. We're all concerned about how gross you look. Buffy: (with a hint of sarcasm) I'm touched. Really. But I have work to do. Willow: Buffy, come on, one night of rest is not gonna k*ll you. Buffy: No, but it might k*ll somebody else. Xander: (points at her with his stake) You mean Angel might. (Buffy turns away) Buffy, this is not the time to challenge Angel for the ultimate fighting championship. (gestures with his stake) He's at full strength, you're only half a Slayer. Buffy: Yeah, but I'm still the Slayer. And as long as I am, Angel's not gonna k*ll anybody else. Angelus: (behind her) Aw, c'mon. (she turns to face him) Just one more. He att*cks, and the girls scream. He runs right past Buffy straight for Cordelia and tackles her to the ground. Buffy grabs him by the back of his coat and pulls him off of her. She turns him around, takes him by the coat collar and swings at him with her stake. He blocks her with his arm, grabs hers and makes her drop the stake. Angelus: Not feeling well, lover? Buffy looks up at him and punches him in the jaw. He glares back at her and tries to kick her, but she grabs his foot and shoves his leg up, making him fall hard onto his back. Buffy: That helps. Angelus scrambles to all fours. She comes at him from behind and tries to kick him, but he kicks out with his leg into her chest, and she staggers back a ways until she regains her balance. He gets up and comes toward her. She takes a couple of swings at him, but he evades them easily. He blocks a third, grabs her arm and takes her by the throat. Angelus: You know, you being off your game's kinda takin' the fun out of all this. He punches her in the face, and she stumbles backward again. Angelus: Nope, still fun! He punches her in the gut, then grabs her by the neck and shoves her around and into a corner column of the small mausoleum. She is dazed and tries to regain her balance, but doesn't get a chance because Angelus wastes no time punching her in the face and knocking her flat on her back. He gets on top of her and pins her arms down. Angelus: Uh-oh. This does *not* look good for our heroine. He starts to bend down to bite her, but just then Willow throws Xander's jacket over Angelus' head. As she backs away, Xander grabs his head under the jacket, punches him and knees him twice in the face. Angelus falls over onto his back. Willow and Cordelia pull out their crosses and hold them out at him as he gets up, and he has to back off. Xander: Take a walk, overbite. Buffy gets to her feet. Angelus slowly backs away. Angelus: We'll have to do this again sometime. He turns and walks off. Buffy just watches him go. Xander: Buffy, are you okay? Buffy: (puts her hand to her forehead) I told you guys to leave, I... (getting dizzy) I... Oh... She falls to the ground unconscious. Xander: Buffy! Willow and Cordelia turn to look. Willow: Buffy? Xander kneels next to her and looks at the fallen Slayer. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunnydale Hospital Emergency Room. The camera pans from an empty gurney past the admissions desk and over to the entrance. Xander rushes in with Buffy in his arms. Willow and Cordelia are right behind him. Xander: We need help! Willow: Somebody, please, now! Intern: (approaches them) What happened? They all speak at once. Xander: She fell. Willow: The flu. Cordelia: She fainted. A nurse brings over the gurney. Xander: The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better! Intern: (pulls the gurney up) It's gonna be okay. Let's get her up. Xander lays Buffy out on the gurney. The intern takes out his pocket light and checks Buffy's eyes for a response. The nurse takes notes while he speaks as they start to wheel her into the emergency room. They all follow. Intern: Patient's unconscious... Pupils are unequal and unresponsive. Cordelia: What does that mean? Willow: Is she gonna be okay? Intern: Please, you gotta give us some room. Dr. Wilkinson: (arrives) What do we have? Intern: High-grade fever, possible fractures. Dr. Wilkinson: Get her into Trauma 1, give her a CBC, Chem 7, type and screen. Intern: Right. The Intern and nurse take her through the doors to the emergency room beyond. They all try to follow, but Dr. Wilkinson blocks their way. Dr. Wilkinson: I'm sorry, you can't go any further. Xander: Someone should be with her! Dr. Wilkinson: I'm sorry! You can't go any further. She backs in and closes the door in their faces. They look through windows for a couple of seconds. Willow reacts first. Willow: I'll call Giles, tell him what happened. (to Cordelia) You call Buffy's mom, tell her, n-not what happened, just get her here. The two of them go to find the phones. Xander keeps looking in through the emergency room door, where he can see the doctor and intern still working on Buffy. He looks away as they wheel Buffy into Trauma 1. Cut to later. Cordelia, Xander and Willow are sitting on a row of chairs in the waiting room with worried looks on their faces. The camera pans over to the door where Giles is also waiting and nervously cleaning his glasses. The camera continues to pan over to the elevator. The door opens and Joyce comes out. She sees them sitting there. Joyce: Where is she? They all get up. Giles comes over also. Giles: She's still in the emergency room. Joyce: I wanna see her. (starts out of the waiting room) Cordelia: They won't let us in there. Joyce stops and looks back at her. Just then Dr. Wilkinson comes to the door. Dr. Wilkinson: Mrs. Summers? Joyce: (faces her) Yes? Dr. Wilkinson: I'm Dr. Wilkinson. Joyce: Is Buffy okay? Dr. Wilkinson: We were able to s*ab and... Joyce: (interrupts insistently) Is she okay? Dr. Wilkinson: (reassuringly) She's going to be fine. Joyce: (with relief) Thank you. (puts her hand to her face) Xander: Good. Good. (rubs his hands) That's good. Dr. Wilkinson: I wanna keep her here a few days, though. She still has some healing to do. Giles and Joyce look at her anxiously. Cut to a hall upstairs near Buffy's assigned hospital room. They are all waiting for her to be brought up. When they see her coming they all approach the bed. She has an IV in her right hand. Her left forearm is wrapped in an elastic bandage. Joyce: Buffy? (reaches the bed) Hi, sweetheart. They all accompany her toward her room. Xander: Hey, Buffy, we're all here. Buffy: (groggy) Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home? (tries to get up) Dr. Wilkinson: (pushes her back) No. Buffy, you need to lie down, honey. Buffy: (groggy) Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed. Dr. Wilkinson: (looks at Joyce) She's still a little out of it. Joyce nods back. Buffy: (to Xander) Shhh! (points at him) Hospital zone. No singing. Dr. Wilkinson: She'll feel better after (Buffy looks at her) she's been here a while. Buffy: No! (tries to get up again) Lemme go. Look, I wanna go. The orderly pushing the bed, two nurses and Dr. Wilkinson struggle to get her to lie back down. Buffy puts up a fight. Willow: Buffy, what's wrong? Buffy: No! No! Let me go! Cordelia: I think she wants to go. They manage to get her pushed back down on the bed. Buffy: No, don't do that! Stop it! Dr. Wilkinson: Hold her steady! Buffy: (delirious) Giles, tell them! Orderly: I got her. Buffy: The vampires! I need to k*ll the vampires! Dr. Wilkinson: This'll help you relax. She puts a needle against Buffy's inside elbow and injects her with a sedative. Xander throws Giles a concerned look. Cordelia cringes and looks away. Buffy: Ow! (winces in pain) No! When the doctor pulls the needle back out she lies back and breathes heavily. Xander: It's gotta be the fever. Willow: Yeah, it made her delusional. Buffy: (to Giles insistently) They're out there! Giles: (smiling reassuringly) Yes, uh, well, we'll, uh, we'll get those, uh, vampires later. (laughs lightly, looks at Joyce) I hear it's best t-to play along. (keeps smiling) The sedative takes effect and Buffy begins to relax. One of the nurses checks her IV. Her mother leans in and strokes her hair. Joyce: Honey, listen... Buffy: I wanna go home. Joyce: It's gonna be okay. I promise. They start to wheel her away again. Buffy: Please don't make me stay here... Joyce: I *promise*. They all follow as Buffy is taken to her room. They wait outside. The door closes and Xander looks in through the narrow window. After a moment he looks over at Giles. Xander: That was a new experience. I'm not used to seeing Buffy scared like that. Joyce: Yeah, she just *hates* hospitals. Ever since she was a little girl. Willow: What happened? Joyce: When she was eight her cousin Celia died in a hospital. Buffy was alone with her at the time. Cordelia: Yuk! Joyce: Yeah, they were very close. Willow: Wow, and she was eight? Joyce: (looking in at Buffy) Well, it looks like she's asleep. I should go call her father. (heads toward the nurse's station) Giles: (accompanies her) Um, I-I think there's a, a phone... The camera follows them. Joyce: Thank you for coming. I-I *really* appreciate the way you look out for her. Giles: Oh... Joyce: *All* of you. Giles: Well, we're, uh, we're very fond of her. (they stop at the nurse's station) The, uh, the telephone. (starts away) Joyce: I, I... (stops him) I hope I'm not out of line, but... I-I-I wanted to say how sorry I am about, uh, that teacher, Ms. Calendar. Buffy said you were close. Giles: (nods slightly) Oh, uh... (looks down) Thank you. (looks up) Joyce: (exhales) Buffy's been so down since it happened. I mean, she never gets sick. Giles: (looks down) Well, I'm sure she'll be, uh... (looks up, smiles reassuringly) She'll be fine. Joyce: I'm sorry, I, I babble when I'm nervous, I just wanted to... Well, if, if you need anything... Giles: (nods) Thank you. (quietly) Thank you. (walks off) Joyce turns to the nurse to ask to use the phone. Cut to outside Buffy's door. Xander: Do you think she's gonna be okay in here? Cordelia: (pacing) I don't know, Lysette got her nose done here, and she came in looking for the Gwyneth Paltrow, and it looked more like the Mr. Potatohead. She steps over to the door and looks into Buffy's room. Xander: Cordy... Willow: Buffy's not here for cosmetic surgery. Cordelia: No, but while she's in here, she might as well get that thing done. Willow gives Xander a look. Cordelia: You know, that thing on her face? (faces them) You know that thing. Willow: (to Xander) Do you think Angel will att*ck Buffy in here? Xander: He can come in, it's a public building. Willow: (worried) That's true. Cordelia: Am I the only one that's noticed that thing? Cut to the hospital at night. Cut to Buffy's room. She stirs in her bed. The clock on the nightstand changes to read 2:27am. Cut to her IV slowly dripping in. The LED on the heart monitor next to the IV blinks steadily. The camera pans down from it to Buffy's face. She takes a deep breath as she wakes up. She blinks her eyes several times before looking over at the door. It's standing open, and a young boy is there just silently staring in at her. A few moments later he starts away down the hall. She continues to look out the door, and a man in a black suit and hat walks by. Cut to a closeup of the man. He glances into Buffy's room as he walks by. She sees his face. It's all disfigured, his nose is long and bent down to a point, his teeth are all long fangs, and his fingers are grossly elongated. He looks back after the boy and continues to follow him out of view. Buffy raises her head in disbelief. She pushes her hair back with her bandaged hand and slowly sits up. She gets out of bed and steadies herself to a stand. She ties her robe closed as she walks out of the room. Cut to the hall. It's deserted except for the janitor mopping the floor behind her. As she walks she has a flashback to her youth, and the corridor is suddenly brightly lit. Little Buffy comes walking down the bright but deserted hall. The camera closes in on her face. Cut to her view of a cart of surgical instruments. Cut to her again, looking around nervously as she walks. Cut to a sh*t from behind her as she approaches Celia's room. Sunlight is pouring brightly from the door. She edges up to it and goes in. Cut to inside the room. Little Buffy comes in and slowly goes over to the curtain pulled around Celia's bed. Cut to Buffy in her hospital bed. The clock on the nightstand changes to read 2:27am. She stirs and wakes from her dream. Her door is open, but there's no one there. She pushes her hair back with her bandaged hand and slowly sits up. She feels the IV in the back of her right hand and looks at it. She pulls the tape off and the needle out. She covers her face with both hands, draws them back through her hair and starts to get out of bed. Cut to her walking down the hall, holding her robe closed with her hands. It's deserted except for the janitor mopping the floor behind her. She hears coughing coming from a room and looks in. A woman is tucking in an old man and comforting him. Woman: You'll be fine. Is that better? She continues down the hall and looks into the next room. An old woman is sitting on the edge of the bed with her face in her hands. She continues, hears the old woman cough and lets out a little cough of her own. She passes another doorway and walks past the camera. A security guard looks out from the doorway and watches her go. Cut to another part of the hall near the children's ward. Buffy comes walking toward the door as two orderlies wheel a child covered with a sheet out of the ward. Orderly: Man, I hate it when you lose the young ones. They go down the hall past Buffy. She looks at the gurney as they go by. She turns back to the children's ward door and slowly approaches it. She can hear Dr. Wilkinson and Dr. Backer arguing inside in hushed tones, so she doesn't go in. Dr. Wilkinson: I'm just saying, step back on the dosage until we can analyze the results. Dr. Backer: There isn't time. I should think that would be clear to you by now. Buffy peeks into the room and sees them arguing. Dr. Wilkinson: The normal course of treatment... Dr. Backer: (interrupts) They *aren't* responding to the normal course of treatment. (gestures to the kids) Look, they're getting worse. Dr. Wilkinson: Raising their temperatures is poten... Dr. Backer: (interrupts) Dr. Wilkinson! I have the consent of the parents. Dr. Wilkinson: They're desperate! They don't understand what you're... Dr. Backer: (interrupts) You know what, if-if you have a problem with my methods, just take it up with the board. Dr. Wilkinson: I have! Buffy has heard enough, and turns away to go. There in front of her is the little boy she saw in her dream and a little girl. She stops and they look at each other. Ryan: He comes at night. The grownups don't see him. He was with Tina. He'll come back for us. Buffy: Who? Ryan: Death. Buffy looks back and forth between the two kids in disbelief. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale General. Xander is sitting on a chair outside the waiting room across from the nurses' station that is down the hall from Buffy's room. There are two police officers talking to a security guard. Nurses and orderlies are going about their tasks. Angelus comes walking out of the waiting room from the elevator bearing some white flowers and whistling a few bars of "Ode to Joy" from Beethoven's 9th symphony. Xander hears him and looks to see who's coming. When he sees Angelus he quickly gets up and faces him down in the hall. Xander: Visiting hours are over. Angelus: Well, I'm pretty much family. Xander: (trying hard to stay cool) Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't. Angelus: (thr*at) If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me? Xander: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops... or the orderlies... But I'm kinda curious to find out. You game? Angelus: (pauses) Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. (leans in close) It must just eat you up that I got there first. Xander: (fighting his nervousness) You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there. Angelus slaps the flowers against Xander's chest. Angelus: Tell her I stopped by. He gives Xander one final look and then goes back through the waiting room to the elevator. Xander shudders, covers his mouth and lets out a breath of relief. Cut to a flashback of Little Buffy and Celia. Celia is on the bedroom floor covered with pillows and writhing around, pretending to be trapped under a pile of snow and ice. Celia: Help me, help! Avalanche! Help! Help! I'm trapped! Avalanche! Help! Help! Little Buffy comes in through the door and stops in a heroic stance with her hands on her hips. Little Buffy: Power Girl to the rescue! She kneels down and starts to heave off the pillows as though they're huge, heavy blocks of ice and snow and thuds them aside. Celia: Help me! Help! Help! Please, help! Buffy gets the last pillows off of Celia's face, and she sits up. Celia: You saved me! Thank you, Power Girl! The two girls embrace. Little Buffy: You're safe now. Cut to a flashback of Little Buffy coming into Celia's hospital room. She slowly approaches the curtain around the bed and opens it enough to look in at her cousin. She steps through. Celia is lying there peacefully asleep. Cut to Buffy in her hospital bed. She wakes with a start. Dr. Wilkinson: (coming in) Good morning. Buffy moans, rubs her eyes and sits up. Buffy: Could've fooled me. Dr. Wilkinson: How are you feeling? Looks like your fever's gone down. Buffy: Well, good! Thanks for having me. Let's try and keep in touch. (tries to get out of bed) Dr. Wilkinson: (pushes her back) Not so fast. (inspects Buffy's bandaged arm) Hmm. Buffy: Good 'hmm' or bad 'hmm'? Dr. Wilkinson: Swelling's... gone! (looks up) Does this hurt? Buffy: Nope. Dr. Wilkinson: Amazing. (gets the chart) Buffy: Well, then I should probably go, right? (tries to go again) Dr. Wilkinson: (stops her again) No. Soon. We have to make sure that fever is gone. That's a strong virus you have. Maybe not as strong as you, but... Buffy: I-is that the same virus the kids have? Before Dr. Wilkinson can answer there's a knock on the door. Giles: May we come in? Dr. Wilkinson: Please! (they all come in) Maybe you can keep our patient from bolting. (to Buffy, sternly) Rest! Hmm? (leaves) Xander: (presenting five balloons) Flowers for milady. Buffy: (looks up at them) I think they call those balloons. Xander: (looks up) Yeah, stick 'em in water, maybe they'll grow. Willow: Not to be outdone... (sets school books on the bed) Buffy: Homework! Willow: It's my way of saying, 'get well soon'. Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better. Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name. Giles munches on a grape. Buffy: Chocolate means *nothing* to me. Willow steps back and looks up at Cordelia. Cordelia: Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. (looks at Giles) I was out of the loop on gifts. Giles: It's, it's tradition among, um... people. Um... (walks up to the bed) Grapes. (sets down the bag) Well, did you, uh, pass the night well enough? A nurse comes into the room and walks around the bed. Buffy: Not really. Something happened I thought you... The nurse checks Buffy's IV. Buffy: You know what? Let's take a walk. Cut to outside the hospital main entrance. The camera pans over to Willow pushing Buffy along in a wheelchair while the others walk alongside. Buffy: Now, this part I could get used to. Willow: Do you want me to go real fast? (gets a look from Giles) Not that I would. Giles: We were discussing, um, stuff. Buffy: Yes, stuff. Um, you know, a girl died here last night. Willow: How? Buffy: Well, the flu. Xander: Flu doesn't exactly sound monsterrific. Buffy: I know. But there's this Dr. Backer, and he's been giving them these experimental treatments. They stop by a bench and Giles sits. Buffy: I-I'm not sure what he's up to, but he's a little creepy. A-and then there was this kid, Ryan. He said he saw something. Giles: Saw what? Buffy: Death. Cordelia: Death? Willow: *The* Death? As in, 'it is your time'? Giles: Buffy, a-a-a frightened child... Buffy: Yeah, but I thought I saw something. I'm not sure, I was really out of it, but... Cordelia: But you do know that you saw death. Willow: Did it have an hourglass? Xander: Ooo, if he asks you to play chess, don't even do it. The guy's, like, a whiz. Buffy: Maybe it wasn't death. Maybe it was something else. Cordelia: So this isn't about you being afraid of hospitals 'cause your friend died and you wanna conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless? Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact? Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass. Willow: Your mom did tell us about your cousin. Cordelia sits also. Buffy: This has nothing to do with that. This little boy Ryan is afraid of something, something real. As long as I'm forced to stay here, I'm gonna find out what. Xander: So, is this the part where we say, what can we do to help? Cut to the hospital records room after hours that evening. The place is deserted. Cordelia and Xander quietly come in. Cordelia: (whispers) You had to ask that, didn't you? They walk over to a records cabinet. Xander: (quietly) Pft! It'll be cake. Just gotta figure out what k*lled this little girl Tina, we'll be out. Five minutes tops. (opens a cabinet door) Cordelia: (leans against the wall) This is what happens when you're compassionate towards sick people. They take advantage of you. Xander: (gives Cordelia a look) Uh-huh. Buffy almost died just to put you out. Cordelia: I didn't wanna be the first one to say it. He finds nothing and points over to the cabinet to his right. Xander: You there. (points to his left) Me here. Cordelia: Right. He goes on the next one around the corner. She reluctantly goes back to the one on the other side of the door where they came in. She opens the cabinet and looks in. Suddenly a security guard appears next to her, and she jumps and gasps. Guard: What are you doing here? She gives him a worried smile and lets out a breath. Cut to the library. Willow and Giles come walking in. Willow: So, where do we start? Giles: Hmm? Oh, I don't know. Maybe look into the history of the hospital, bizarre incidents, that sort of thing. Willow: I'm sensing a little less than full committal here. They stop by the counter. Giles: Oh, I-I suppose so. Cordelia may be (inhales) homerically insensitive, but she may also be right. Death and disease are, are things, possibly the *only* things that, that Buffy cannot fight. It's only natural for her to try to create a-a defeatable opponent. Especially now, after... after Jenny. Willow: (gives Giles a sad look) That's true. But on the 'we live on the Hellmouth' side, these kids may have seen a monster. Giles: (starts toward the stacks) What, a monster that grown-ups can't see? Doesn't ring a bell. (pauses) Unless... Willow: (sits on the table) Unless? Giles: Well, sometimes small children *do* see something we adults don't: us. Our true selves, our, our... our hidden faces. Willow: So the kids might be afraid of a regular person? (realizes) Like the weird doctor! Giles: Stanley Backer was his name, no? Willow: Let's look him up. (goes to get her laptop) Cut back to the hospital records room. Cordelia has the guard wrapped around her finger. She smiles sweetly at him and pretends to be interested as he leans against the wall and talks. Guard: You know, most people think that security guards are just guys that failed the police exam. But that's not me. This is my career. Cordelia: Stereotypes are so unfair. Guard: I did take the fireman's exam, though. I didn't do so good. Cordelia: Oh, well, you know, I think that security guards (plays with his badge) are *way* sexier than firemen. They're all sooty. Guard: Well, this is where all the action is anyhow. I'm all the time restraining people. Cut to Xander behind the other storage cabinets. He's found the file he wants and is waiting and listening for an opportunity to get out. Cordelia: Mm, how thrilling. (cut to her) Do you ever get scared? Guard: 'Fear is for the weak.' That's my motto. Either that, or 'Live in the now.' I haven't decided yet. Cordelia: I bet you see a lot of tragedy. You know, like that little girl? Guard: Oh, one of Dr. Backer's patients. Dr. Backer's a great man. He understands... Cut to Xander. He cringes at what he's hearing and thuds lightly back into the cabinet. Guard: ...the real truth about children. Cordelia: (cut to her) What's that? Guard: Sometimes they die. Cordelia closes her eyes. Xander makes another bumping noise, this time loud enough that the security guard hears it. Guard: What was that? (draws his baton) Cordelia: Uh, you know, I didn't hear anything. (tries to get his attention) You know, you have the most... perfect nose I've ever seen. He turns to face her. She giggles and reaches up her finger to run it over his forehead and down the length of his nose. Behind the guard Xander steps over to the door, quietly opens it and goes out. Cordelia: You must work out. Guard: (gives her a little growl) Yeah. Cordelia: (smiles and nods her head) Mm-hm. Cut to the hall outside the records room. Xander waits around the corner for Cordelia. She walks around it and lets out a surprised gasp when she runs into him there. Xander: Could you make just a little more with the touchy-gropey? Cordelia: Jealous? Xander: Of Rogaine boy? (chuckles) I don't think so. (hands her the file) Here, take this to Giles, okay? Cordelia: What about you? Xander: I'm gonna stay here. Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not? Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back. Cordelia: Yeah, well, I've seen you watch her back. Xander: What is that supposed to mean? Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for 'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun. Xander: Oh! Right. (gets the insult) Hey! Cordelia: Well, you do. Xander: Jealous? Cordelia: Fine. Watch *my* back. She walks past him and down the hall. He turns around and watches her go. He tilts his head to check out her butt, but quickly straightens back up again. Cut to the hall outside the children's ward. Buffy comes along, stops by the door and looks into the room. Ryan is sitting at a table drawing a picture with crayons. Buffy walks over to him. Buffy: Hey. Remember me? Ryan: You shouldn't be here. Buffy: Why not? Ryan: Contagious. Buffy: Nah. I already got what you got. She sits down by the table. Ryan goes back to drawing his picture. Buffy: Oh, what, you think because I'm a grown-up? Believe me, I'm not that grown up. She takes a look at his picture. It's of the monster that he's seen coming after the other kids. Buffy briefly flashes back to when she saw it walk past her door in her dream. Ryan: He'll come again tonight. Buffy: Ryan, listen to me. (he looks at her) I'm not gonna let this thing hurt you. Any of you. Grown-ups don't believe you, right? Well, I do. We both know that there are real monsters. But there's also real heroes that fight monsters. And that's me. He looks away and goes back to drawing his picture. Ryan: Can't fight death. Cut to the library. Willow is sitting at the table surfing for information on her laptop. Giles is standing behind her looking over her shoulder. Dr. Backer's medical database file comes up on the screen. Giles: Our Dr. Backer has something of a rap sheet. Willow: Reprimands for controversial experiments, risky procedures, a malpractice suit. Looks like it was dropped suddenly. Giles: (takes off his glasses) Factor in Buffy's observation that he gives her the, um, uh, wiggins... (turns away and thinks) Willow: This may be our death guy? Giles: (turns back to her) I just wish I knew what he was doing to these children. She looks up at him. Cut to a deserted hall in the hospital. Cut to Dr. Backer's office. He's deep into his research and mutters under his breath. He looks up from his printouts and steps over to his refrigerator. He opens it, pulls a specimen from a rack, checks the label and marks it. He puts the test- tube back, closes the fridge and reaches for a reference volume on his desk. He sits back down as he quickly leafs through it and finds the page he wants. He reads it back to himself and jots some notes onto his papers. Dr. Backer: Yes. Yes. Cut to the hall. Xander is sitting on a chair, waiting out his self- imposed sentry duty. He nearly nods off, but jerks his head back up. Cut to the table between his chair and the next one. A bag of Krispy Kreme doughnuts plops down onto it. The camera pulls back, and Cordelia walks in front of it and sets down a tray with two cups of coffee. Xander looks up at her as she sits down. She looks back at him, then turns her attention to a copy of Cosmopolitan that she brought with her. Xander reaches for one of the coffees. He gives Cordelia another look and takes the bag of doughnuts also. He takes a long sip of coffee and then opens the bag. Cut to the hall outside Dr. Backer's office. He walks out, and the camera precedes him as he makes his way to the children's ward. He goes through one of a pair of doors. The camera stops, pans over to Buffy waiting behind the other door and closes in on her suspicious face. Cut to the children's ward. Dr. Backer comes in and looks around at the various beds as he makes his way over to a particularly sick child. The boy is asleep. He checks his watch and looks at the child for a moment. The boy lets out a labored breath. Dr. Backer raises a syringe, taps it twice to get the air bubbles to the top and depresses the plunger until the fluid starts to squirt out. He takes the IV line and pushes the needle into the drug administration stopper. Behind him he hears a muffled laugh and turns to look, but sees nothing. He looks back at the boy again. Suddenly he gets h*t in the back and spun around by something unseen. Dr. Backer: Uhh! He is h*t again in the chest and yells out in pain. Ryan sees what's happening from his bed and cowers in fear. Dr. Backer is choking. Four slashes appear on his lab coat that go deep and draw blood. He grabs his wound, but is bent backward onto the bed, still being choked. On the wall a shadow can be seen swinging its arm for another slice at the doctor. He screams, and blood sprays onto the wall. Ryan cowers further under his covers. Cut to the hall. Buffy slowly approaches the door to the ward and looks in, but she quickly has to step back and out of the way as Dr. Backer comes flying out and onto the floor. He groans, and she bends down to help him, but something pushes her away and throws her back into the wall. She hits it hard and slides down to the floor unconscious. Dr. Backer's arms are lifted by the unseen being, and his body is pulled around and dragged down the hall. Further down the hall he is dragged around a corner and out of sight. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale General. Cut to Buffy's room. She's in her bed looking at the picture Ryan drew. The grapes Giles gave her are on a plate on the table. Giles appears in the doorway and knocks. Buffy looks up as he, Xander and the girls come into the room. Willow closes the door behind her. Giles: Uh, well, it looks as if you, uh, were on to something. Buffy: I know. Giles: (walks around the bed) The, uh, the, the girl Tina, um, it's apparent that she, she died of the fever, (sits) simple enough, but, but her records show her improving and then suddenly deteriorating w-w-w- without any apparent cause. Willow: So we checked Dr. Backer out. This guy was *not* a solid citizen. Buffy: It wasn't Backer. He was clean. Cordelia: What do you mean 'clean'? Xander: What do you mean 'was'? Buffy: He's d*ad. This thing k*lled him, and not with kindness. (hands Giles the picture) Willow: You saw it? Giles looks at the rough child's drawing. Buffy: No, it's invisible. I saw Backer nearly shredded and the thing knocked me down. But it's real. Which means I get to fight it. Giles: Um, (takes off his glasses) this is your work? (indicates the picture) Buffy: No, one of the kids. Giles: Oh. Um... Well, it would help if-if we knew what it was. (exhales) I-it's invisible to you, but the, the children can see it. Cordelia: But you said you did see something the other night. Buffy: Uh, yeah, but I was pretty delirious. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. Why would I see it then and not last night? The door to the room opens, and Buffy's mother comes in. Joyce: Good morning. Giles puts his glasses back on. She sets down the bag she brought with her. Joyce: Ooo, looks like I interrupted a secret meeting. They all let out forced laughter. Cordelia: (smiling widely) You sure didn't! Joyce: Honey, I, I just talked to the doctor, and she said I can take you home. Buffy: (considers a moment) No. I should stay here. Joyce: (confused) But, honey, I thought you'd be raring... Buffy: I think my symptoms are flaring up. Willow: She doesn't look well. Buffy: 'Cause I'm not well. Uh, I feel all oogy. Xander: Increased ooginess. That's a danger signal. Joyce: Are you sure? Buffy: Oh, yeah, but just for a day... or s-so. Joyce: Okay, well, I'll, uh, I'll talk to the doctor. She goes back out of the room. Cordelia closes the door behind her. Xander: So what's the drill? Buffy: Giles, see if you can get a mug sh*t on that guy. I need to know what I'm fighting. Giles: Right. Yes. (walks around the bed) Buffy: I'll check Backer's office. See if I can find any post-its marked 'why a monster might want me d*ad.' Xander: Sounds like a plan. Buffy: Course, if I find anything, I won't know what it means, so, Will... Willow: Oh, yeah, I'm good at medical stuff since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time. Xander: (chuckles) No, she's being literal. (gets a look from Cordelia) She used to have all these medical volumes, uh, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong. Willow: (to Xander) Wrong? Why? (to Buffy) How did *you* play doctor? Buffy: (evasively) I never have. Cordelia raises her eyebrows at Buffy and clears her throat. Giles picks up on the hint. Giles: Um, fascinating though this is... Buffy: Yeah, right. Go! Giles: W-w-we'll call you if we... know something. He starts out with Cordelia and Xander close behind. Buffy: Know something soon. Cut to the hall. The three of them start toward the waiting room. Giles: I'd best head for the library. Research beckons. Xander: I'm on sentry duty. Angel won't show till sundown if at all, but maybe I'll get lucky with this death guy. Cordelia: He's invisible. Xander: Yeah, but if I see a floating pipe and a smoking jacket, he's dropped. Giles: Well, you two, stay alert. They stop outside the waiting room. Xander: Finding out who this thing is takes priority. Cordy, you should go with Giles. Giles: Why do I have to have... (looks at Cordelia) Uh, good thinking. I-I-I could do with a research assistant. Cordelia: (to Giles) Let's go, tact-guy. Giles: Yes. (goes to the elevator) Cordelia: (to Xander) Be careful. (follows Giles) Xander sits down on the chair across from the nurse's station. Cut to the children's ward that evening. Ryan opens the door and looks out into the hall. The only person there is the security guard checking things. Ryan steps back into the ward and closes the door. Cut to Dr. Backer's office. The camera closes in on his nameplate on the door. Cut inside. Buffy opens the door and pokes in her head. Seeing that it's empty she opens the door further to let Willow in, checks the hall and closes it behind her. She starts to looks around and checks out the reference volumes on the shelves by the fridge. Willow looks over the papers on his desk. Willow: It's weird going through his things. (Buffy opens the fridge) Look, he didn't finish his coffee. Guess he won't. (looks at the printouts) Buffy: (closes the fridge) Yep, another person I wasn't in time to save. (comes to the desk) It's too bad Angel didn't put me in the hospital sooner. There's something I never thought I'd hear myself say. The two of them keep looking. Willow: Hey, wait, I think I have something. Buffy: Hmm. Sherlock. Willow: Okay, this makes sense. Dr. Backer was trying to inoculate the kids with a controlled dosage of the same virus they already had. (gets a confused look from Buffy) Oh, raising their temperatures to burn the fever out of them. Buffy: Would that work? Willow: According to this it was starting to. So he really was trying to help the kids. Buffy: Till that thing stopped him. Cut to the library. Giles and Cordelia are going through a stack of books on the table. He has Ryan's drawing for comparison. She turns a page and finds a picture of a demon. He takes a sip of his tea. Cordelia: Eww, what does this do? Giles: (puts his mug down) What? Cordelia: What does this do? (pushes the book toward him) Giles: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells. Cordelia: Wow! (leans over to look at his book) What does this one do? (points to a drawing) Giles: (looks up at her) Um, i-it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors. Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do? (points to another) Giles: (frustrated) It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done. Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything. He slaps down Ryan's picture and gets up from the table in disgust. He takes off his glasses and rubs his forehead. Giles: I don't even know if we're on the right track. Since this, uh... miscreant has only been seen by select individuals, there's a chance we won't ever... find a picture of it. Cordelia: Well, it's not in here. She closes her book, and on the cover is a drawing of the monster they are seeking. Giles looks down at it and puts his glasses back on. She notices his gaze and looks at the book's cover also. Cut to Giles' office. Cordelia is on the phone with Buffy. Cordelia: It's called Der Kindestod. Buffy: (cut to her on her bed) Who is this? Cordelia: (cut to her) It's me. I've got your monster! Buffy: (cut to her) Where's Giles? Cordelia: (cut to her) Looking up stuff. Buffy: (cut to her) Well, can you put him on? Cordelia: (cut to her) Hey! (closes the book and heads for the desk) I found your guy, (cut to Buffy) okay? Just listen. Buffy: Right. Cordelia: (cut to her at Giles' desk) The name means 'child death'. (cut to Buffy listening intently) This book says that he feeds off of children by sucking the life out of them. (cut to her) Eew! But anyway, afterwards, it looks like they died because they were sick. Buffy: (cut to her) So it did k*ll Tina. Cordelia: Yeah, that's my take. (cut to her) 'Cause it would be looking at the children's ward as basically an all-you-can-eat kind of thing, y'know. Buffy: (cut to her) Backer was curing the kids and taking away the (cut to Cordelia, nodding) Kindestod's food. Cordelia: Hence, the slice-age. Giles: (comes into his office) I found a picture of how it kills. Let me talk to her. Cordelia: (takes the book and looks) Oh! Eww! Buffy: (cut to her) What? Cordelia: (cut to her) Oh! (cut to Willow, looking concerned) Uh, you should see this thing! The way it does its thing, (cut to her) I mean, eww! (hands the phone to Giles and gets up) Why do I let you guys drag me into this stuff? (leaves) Giles: (into the phone) Uh, uh, Buffy? (cut to Buffy) Are you, are you still there? Buffy: Hanging on every (cut to Giles) eww. Giles: (sits) Uh, the, um, the Kindestod gorges by sitting atop his prey, (cut to Buffy listening closely) pinning it down, uh, helplessly. Then he slowly draws out the life. I-it must be, uh, h-horrifying for the victim. Buffy just stares off into space. Giles: Buffy? Hello? Cut to a flashback of Little Buffy pulling aside the curtain around Celia's bed. Little Buffy: Celia? Celia wakes and starts to scream. She holds her hands in front of her as if trying to push something away. Little Buffy: What's wrong? Celia keeps screaming at the top of her lungs in complete terror. Little Buffy: I don't know what to do, Celia! Celia continues screaming and swats with her hands at something unseen. Little Buffy: (toward the door) Help! Help! Help! Somebody help! Celia: Get it off of me! (screams) Little Buffy: Come on, Celia! Celia: Get it off of me! (screams) Cut to the bright and empty hall outside Celia's room. No one is coming in spite of all the screaming. Cut back to Buffy holding the phone to her ear and staring off into space. Giles: (cut to him) Buffy, w-what is it? Willow: (cut to her) (takes the phone) Thanks. (hangs up) Buffy: It k*lled Celia. Willow: Your cousin? Buffy: (looks at Willow) We have to get this thing, Willow, before it gets any more kids. Willow: You will. We will. Buffy: But how? I-I can't even see it. Willow: You saw it once. Buffy: Did I? Uh, maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. I mean, I was crazed with that fever. Who knows... Cut inside Dr. Backer's refrigerator. The door opens and the light goes on. Willow: Buffy, think about this. Buffy: I have. Lots of thoughts. (crouches down) Willow: It's crazy. Buffy: (searches the test-tubes) The fever. That's how you see the Kindestod. That's why Celia could see it. That's why Ryan still can. (finds the right one) It's the only way. Cut to the office. Buffy stands back up and faces Willow. Willow: But how are you gonna fight this thing with 107 degree temperature? (42d C) Buffy: I guess we'll find out. She uncaps the tube and raises it to drink the serum. Willow quickly stops her. Willow: Buffy! Buffy: Willow, I'm going to do this. Willow: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll k*ll you in an instant. Buffy: Oh. They really should put that on the label. Willow reaches into the refrigerator for a bottle of drinking water and grabs a beaker that's sitting on top. Buffy closes the fridge while Willow sets the beaker on the desk and opens the bottle. Willow: It needs to be diluted. She pours some water into the beaker and closes the bottle. Buffy: Okay, but this better work fast. Willow takes the test-tube and draws some of the serum into a dropper. She holds it over the beaker and lets a single drop fall in. Buffy: Faster than that. Willow looks up at her, worried, but gives in and puts another drop into the water. Buffy takes the beaker, holds it up and looks at it, then over at Willow. Buffy: Here's to my health. After another moment's hesitation she quaffs the water and serum. Cut to the hall outside the children's ward. Willow and Buffy come around the corner and head toward the ward. Buffy is already feeling the effects of the virus and walks unsteadily, breathing heavily. Willow supports her. Buffy: Oh, God. I'm not sure this was such a good idea. Willow: Hang in there. You'll be okay. Buffy: Okay. I'm okay. They reach the door to the ward, and Buffy looks in through the door's window. The beds are all empty. Buffy: The kids. They're gone. She and Willow exchange a surprised and very worried look. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The basement tunnels under the Hospital. Ryan leads the kids from the children's ward as they try to run away from the Kindestod. Ryan: Come on! Girl: Hold me! Ryan: Keep quiet! Cut to the hall outside the children's ward. Willow: What could have happened? Buffy: I don't know. (faces her) Maybe we're too late. Maybe they moved. (feels her forehead) Maybe I don't... I'm burning up! She looks back into the room and starts to see something. Buffy: Will? Willow: What? Buffy: I think it's in there. A form begins to take shape as though unfolding. It steps over to a bed, and suddenly the Kindestod is clearly visible to Buffy. It looks into a bed and finds it empty. She stares at it through the door's window. The monster looks over at another bed and notices her staring. It straightens itself up and looks at her. Buffy's eyes go wide with fear. It just giggles maniacally and takes off its hat to her. It keeps an eye on her for another moment as it turns toward the other door to the ward, then puts the hat back on and walks to the other door. The Kindestod opens it and goes through, and as it closes the camera cuts to a close- up sh*t of the sign on the door: basement access. Cut to the hall. Buffy frantically tries to follow, but the door to the ward is locked, and the virus has weakened her enough so that she can't break it open. Buffy: It's going after them! (turns to Willow) We gotta get 'em. Dr. Wilkinson: (coming around the corner) Buffy? Buffy: (to Willow) Okay, we'll get 'em in a second. Dr. Wilkinson: (quickly approaches) What's wrong? Willow: I, uh, she's not feeling well again. Dr. Wilkinson: You should be in bed. (puts her arm around Buffy) Buffy: No, no, it's not that bad. Dr. Wilkinson: No, you're coming with me. (starts to pull her away) Buffy: No! She pushes the doctor away and starts to run down the hall. Willow quickly follows. Willow: (back to the doctor) She's sorry! Dr. Wilkinson: (grabs a phone and dials) Security, come to the children's ward. We have a situation. She hangs up and runs after the girls. Cut to an intersection in the halls. Buffy and Willow come through a pair of doors. The camera pans around down the adjacent hallway where the security guards are coming. They head the girls off at the intersection. Guard: Okay, come on now. (holds his baton thr*at) We can do this the easy way. The two girls give each other worried looks, then Willow has an idea and starts to swat at herself with her hands. Willow: (frantically) Frogs! Frogs! Get 'em off of me! The two guards make for her, assuming she's the reason they were called. Willow: Oh, my God, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help! Buffy edges around the corner and quickly goes down the other hall. Willow: Get 'em off! FROGS! Frogs! Oh, my God, horrible frogs! Dr. Wilkinson comes through the doors. Willow: (squeals) Get 'em... Dr. Wilkinson: Not her, the other one! Willow: (looks up, calm again) No more frogs! Guard: C'mon! They start to run after Buffy. Cut to Xander sitting at his post in the hall across from the nurse's station. Buffy comes into view and bumps into the wall, unsteady from her fever. Xander looks up, sees her, jumps to his feet and runs to her. Xander: Buffy, are you okay? Did Angel... Buffy: (shakes her head) No. We need to get to the basement. Cut to the basement tunnels. The Kindestod is looking around for signs of the children's passing. Cut to the children weaving their way through the hospital's boiler room. Ryan: Shh! They find a secluded corner and all crouch and huddle together. Girl: I'm cold. Ryan: Here. He takes off his robe and drapes it around the girl. Ryan: Here. We're gonna be safe in here. Boy: Look! The Kindestod appears behind Ryan. The other kids all scream. Ryan: What? It grabs Ryan from behind and lifts him up and away. Ryan: Whoa! Cut to the stairs to the basement tunnels. Xander supports Buffy as they hurry down. Xander: You don't know how to k*ll this thing. Buffy: I thought I might try v*olence. Xander: Solid call. They head down the tunnel. Cut to the Kindestod holding Ryan up to look at him. He and the other kids are all screaming. Cut to Xander and Buffy running down the tunnel. Cut to the Kindestod, still holding up Ryan. It throws him aside, and he hits the concrete floor hard. Ryan: Oof! The kids keep screaming. Ryan tries to get up. The monster growls as it slowly comes for him. Ryan turns around and looks up at the Kindestod. He can't scream for fear. It kneels and leans over him, and now Ryan starts to scream again. It takes his head to hold him steady. The boy watches as the monster's eyes bug out and split open. They extend from their sockets down toward his forehead. The monster drools heavily and licks its lips. Its eyes make contact with Ryan's forehead. He screams as he feels his energy being drained. Suddenly the Kindestod gets h*t in the head with a large section of pipe, and its eyes snap back into their sockets. Buffy stands over it with the pipe held ready. Buffy: You make me sick. The Kindestod stands up and faces her. She swings the pipe at it again, but the monster blocks it and knocks it from her grip. Although Xander can't see it, he sees that Buffy is fighting something and takes the opportunity to go to Ryan and lift him up from the floor. Xander: Up. He carries the boy over to the other kids. Buffy is not in top form as she fights the Kindestod, and it gains the upper hand and punches her twice in the face, then throws her against a pipe. Xander finds the other children and starts to herd them away. Xander: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Hurry! He follows them, throwing a few glances over at Buffy along the way. She swings twice at the monster, but it just leans back and avoids the blows. It grabs her again and throws her into another pipe. She recovers quickly, spots a raised grating and hops up onto it. She takes a good look at the Kindestod, and then jumps from the grate and lands a hard kick on its face. It stumbles back and to its knee as she lands on her feet. She kicks it three more times while it tries to get back up. Xander comes back after leading the kids away and watches her fight. He sees her kick, but to him it looks like she's fighting thin air. He hears her get h*t, and she spins around and lets out a grunt of pain. The monster takes her by the shoulder and backhand punches her in the face again. He takes her by the throat, lifts her up and throws her into some sections of large duct tube. Buffy is dazed and just lies there on the pipe. The Kindestod reaches down for its hat, brushes it off and puts it back on. Buffy recovers from her daze, but not in time to get away as it kneels and reaches for her head. It holds her steady with both hands. Its eyes bug out and split open again. She reaches up for its head with both hands and gives it a good quick twist. The monster's neck snaps loudly, and it falls over d*ad next to her. Buffy stands up and looks down at the Kindestod's prone body. Xander finally dares to come closer. Xander: (concerned) Are you okay? Buffy: Actually, (looks up at him) I think I'm starting to feel better. Let's... She takes a step, but loses her balance and falls into Xander. Buffy: Oh! He puts his arm around her to support her, and they go. Xander: He's d*ad right? I mean, I heard something snap. Buffy: That would be his neck. Xander: You're not gonna yak on me, are ya? Cut to the Summers house. Cut to Buffy's room. Joyce walks in with a sandwich on a plate and a glass of juice. Joyce: Here you go, honey. Peanut butter and jelly, without the crust, just the way you like it. She sits on the bed next to Buffy and puts the glass on the nightstand. Buffy is lying back comfortably. Buffy: And the juice? Joyce: (hands Buffy the plate) Two parts orange, one part grapefruit. Buffy: That's my drink. Joyce: I measured it exactly. (gets up to go) The camera pulls away from Buffy to show Xander lounging on the bed next to her, munching away on cheesy chips and watching TV. Buffy: (looks at the sandwich) Oh, mom? Joyce: Mm-hm? Buffy: I wanted crunchy peanut butter. Joyce: Oh, sorry. (comes back) The camera pulls back even further to show Willow on the floor next to the bed surrounded with pillows. Buffy: A-and I said extra jelly. (hands up the plate) Joyce: (smiles) Anything to help my daughter get well. (starts to go again) Willow: Oh, and while you're up, could I get a refill? (holds out her glass) It's just I'm so comfortable. Joyce: (steps over) Of course. (takes the glass) Willow: Thanks. Xander: Oh, oh, oh, (holds up an empty bag) and another bag of cheesy chips. (tosses the bag away) Joyce: (raises her eyebrows at him) Uh, you ate the last one. Xander: No, there's another bag hidden behind the raisins. Joyce: (sighs) I'm on it. (leaves) Xander: (to Buffy) Your mom's tryin' to Bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about? Joyce comes back into the room holding an envelope. Joyce: Oh, Buffy, here. Um, this came in the mail. (hands it to Buffy) Buffy: (reads the return address and smiles) It's from Ryan. (opens it) Joyce: The boy from the hospital? Buffy takes out the paper inside and unfolds it. Joyce looks down at it. Joyce: (smiles) Oh, he drew you a picture. Cut to a sh*t of the picture. It's of Buffy standing over the Kindestod with her foot up on its chest. The monster's neck is split open and blood is gushing out. Joyce: How... nice.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x18 - k*lled by Death"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The Bronze. Splendid is the band tonight. They are on stage performing "Charge". The camera pans from the spotlights above the band down past the drummer to the lead guitar player. Lyrics: The way you love / Have you got a name for it / Cause I don't understand it The camera pans past the singer and into the crowd. Cordelia and Xander are dancing close with their arms around each other and smiling. Lyrics: The language is an annoying necessity / And I depend on all the regular things The camera reaches Willow, who is looking around for Buffy. She turns around, looks up and spots her on the upper level leaning against the railing and watching the band. The camera pans up to her. Lyrics: Got a list tattooed on my memory / Of how our tryst should unfold Behind Buffy a boy approaches her. Lyrics: I'm falling from the opposite Ben: Hey. Buffy turns to him, a little surprised. Lyrics: What good is it Ben: I'm Ben. We had Algebra II together last year. Lyrics: Fight the map with no key attached Buffy: Sorry, I pretty much repress anything math-related. Lyrics: My heart's enlarged, and I charge / What do you say Ben: Ms. Jackson? Second period? You sat in the seat three over and one behind. Lyrics: To a dream that won't go away Buffy: Oh! Yeah, I remember now, it's the one with the desks and the chalkboards and pencils and stuff, right? Ben: That's the one. (chuckles) Buffy: (smiles and points at her head) Like a steel trap. Lyrics: 'Cause I don't know if I can stand it Ben: So, I was wondering, you know the dance tomorrow night? Are you going? Buffy: You mean the Sadie Hawkins thing? The deal where the girls ask the boys? Ben: Yeah. Lyrics: Forever isn't something you want to be Ben: And I thought maybe, you know, if you're free, you might ask me. Lyrics: And I rely on familiar things Buffy: Oh, gosh... (exhales) I... Ben: (holds up his hand) Oh, oh, hey, hey, no, don't, don't worry about it... Buffy: No, no, you seem like a really great guy, it's... Lyrics: Seven days all have special meanings Buffy: ...me. I-I'm not seeing anybody. Lyrics: But you just call it a week Buffy: Ever again, actually. Ben: Oh. That's, that's too bad. Lyrics: I'm falling from the opposite / What good is it Ben: Okay, well, I better... (indicates away and goes) Lyrics: Fight the map with no key attached Buffy: (to herself) Sorry. Lyrics: My heart's enlarged, and I charge She watches him go for a moment, glances sadly down at the band and then heads for the stairs. Cut to the stage. The camera focuses on the singer and the band as she sings the refrain again. Lyrics: I'm falling from the opposite / What good is it / Fight the map with no key attached / My heart's enlarged, and I charge When Buffy reaches the bottom of the stairs Willow meets her. Willow: Hey! You're bailing? Buffy: Yeah. I'm gonna stop by the library and see if Giles wants me to patrol, and then sack it. Willow: You've been doing that a lot. Patrolling and sacking. In fact, you've kind of been All-Work-And-No-Play Buffy. Buffy: I play. I have *big* fun. I came here tonight, didn't I? Willow: You came, you saw, you (glances up) rejected. Buffy: You mean that guy? Just not in date mode right now. Willow: (smiles) Well, maybe you need to date to get in date mode. Buffy: I don't think I'm ready for that, Will. Willow: You're thinking too much. Maybe you need to be impulsive. (smiles) Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is k*lling my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures. Willow: Okay, the Angel thing went badly, I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be... (smiles) nice! Cut to the halls at Sunnydale High School. A boy is chasing a girl as she walks away from him determinedly. Boy: (angrily) Come back here! We're not finished! He grabs her by the arm and turns her around to face him. Boy: You don't care anymore, is that it? Girl: (sobbing) No, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel. Boy: Then tell me you don't love me. (shakes her) Say it! Girl: Will that help? Is that what you need to hear? I don't. I don't! Now let me go. (tries to go) Boy: No! A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody. He takes a step back, raises a revolver, pulls the hammer back and aims it at her. She looks at the g*n, then up at him, frightened. Boy: Love is forever. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The halls at Sunnydale High. The boy has his g*n trained on the girl. Boy: I'm not afraid to use it. I swear! If I can't be with you... Buffy comes walking around the corner and sees them. Buffy: Hey! Girl: Oh, my God! She turns and starts walking away. Buffy starts running at the boy. Boy: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, BITCH! Down another hall George the janitor hears the yelling, drops his mop and starts toward the commotion. Buffy comes running at the boy full steam. He looks at her just as she grabs his arm, raises it and brings it down over her shoulder, making him drop the g*n. She elbows him hard in the gut, knocking the breath out of him. She turns around, grabs him by the shirt and yanks him hard to the floor. His spins a turn and a half on his way down and lands hard on his back. The girl just looks on in shock. Buffy bends down to pick the boy up by the collar. George arrives at a run and goes over to the girl. They look over at Buffy and the boy. She pushes him away. He is in open-mouthed shock over what just happened. Boy: What happened? Buffy: What happened?! You just went O.J. on your girlfriend! His girlfriend looks down away from him. Boy: This is nuts! I... I don't know why I got so mad. Buffy: Because you're a jerk? Girl: He's not. We weren't even fighting a few minutes ago. Boy: We weren't, I, I swear to God! Buffy: If you weren't fighting, then why'd you have a g*n? George looks around the hall. Boy: I don't, I don't know. I don't even know where I got it. George: I don't see any g*n. Buffy looks at him, confused. The boy takes a look around also. Cut to school the next day. Cut to Pricipal Snyder's office. He comes in and closes the door behind him. The camera starts to follow him to his desk. Snyder: I'm sure you know why I asked you here. He passes Buffy as she takes a seat. Buffy: To thank me? Snyder: (walks around his desk) That's right, I wanna thank you. What would Sunnydale High do without you around to incite mayhem, chaos and disorder? Buffy: I don't incite! I stopped that boy from k*lling his girlfriend, ask him. Ask the janitor. Snyder: People can be coerced, Summers. I'm no stranger to conspiracy. I saw JFK. I'm a truth seeker. I've got a missing g*n and two confused kids on my hands. Pieces of the puzzle. And I'm gonna look at all the pieces carefully and rationally, and I'm gonna keep looking until I know exactly how this is all your fault. Buffy is about to respond when his secretary buzzes him on his office intercom. Secretary: Mr. Snyder, Billy Crandal chained himself to the snack machine again. Snyder: (to the intercom) Pathetic little no-life vegan. He walks around his desk to go take care of Billy. Buffy stands up to go also. Snyder: Not so fast, missy. I'm not done with you yet. You stink of lies. He points to her chair, and she sits back down and exhales. He leaves the office and closes the door behind him. Over to Buffy's right is a bookcase with copies of all of the yearbooks since Sunnydale High opened, and the one from 1955 slides out on its own and falls. She hears it h*t the floor and looks down at it. She gets up and bends down to pick it up. She looks at the cover, looks over at its space on the shelf, shrugs and puts it back. Cut to the computer science class. Willow is still substituting for Ms. Calendar. She walks along the front of the class. Willow: So, for next time read the chapters on information grouping and binary coding. Giles looks into the classroom from the hall. Willow: I bet you'll think coding is pretty cool. I mean, if you find two-digit, multi-stacked conversions and primary number clusters a big hoot. Everyone in the class laughs. The bell rings, and the students begin to leave. Willow watches them go and notices Giles waiting just inside of the doorway. Willow: Giles! (goes to him) I made them laugh, did you hear? I did the joke thing! (smiles) (goes back to the desk) Giles: Yes, yes, so it seems. I-I mean, um, (approaches the desk) uh, you did indeed. Good, good, good show. I-I-I just stopped by to, to see if you needed any assistance, (sits on the desk) but you seem to have things quite under control. Willow: (puts things away) Well, I had good lesson plans. Ms. Calendar had them on her computer. Giles: Yes, yes, she was very, um... uh, dedicated. Willow: And I found a bunch of files and Internet sites on paganism and magic and stuff. (smiles) Giles: Oh? Willow: Yes, it's really interesting. Giles looks down away from her. Willow: (reaches for something on the desk) And, uh, I found this in her drawer. (Giles looks up) She told me it was a rose quartz. (Giles looks at her hands) And it has healing powers. She holds up a light pink quartz stone strung on a thin leather thong. Willow: I thought she'd want you to have it. He gets up from the desk and slowly takes the necklace from her. He gently turns it over in his hand. Giles: Oh, thank you, Willow, that's, um... that's very thoughtful of you. He turns and leaves the classroom. Willow watches him go with a small smile on her face. Cut to history class. Buffy has her chin propped up in her hand, bored with the lecture and trying not to fall asleep to the drone of the male teacher's voice. Teacher: Before 1935, the new deal focused on revitalizing stricken business and agricultural communities. And the new deal also tried to regulate the nation's financial hierarchy to avoid another disaster like the 1929 stock market crash. Buffy can't help but close her eyes for a moment. The next thing she knows she hears a woman's voice, and she shakes herself out of her reverie. Ms. Newman: Don't forget, your assignments are due on Friday, class. The students begin to leave. Buffy looks around and is taken aback by the sudden changed appearance of the classroom and the different dress and hairstyles of the other students. Girl#1: I told Ms. Hall we'd go help decorate the gym. Who are you taking? She hands a flyer for the Sadie Hawkins Dance to another girl. Buffy can see that the year on it reads 1955. Girl#2: David said yes. Girl#1: Oh, you're kidding! He's so dreamy! Buffy looks all around, confused. Ms. Newman: (collecting papers) Thank you. James goes up to the desk and hands in his paper also. Ms. Newman: Thank you, James. How are you enjoying that book I loaned you? The Hemingway. Buffy observes and listens to the conversation. James: I like it. Very much. It's honest. He slowly reaches for Ms. Newman's hand and gently takes it. Ms. Newman: (exhales) Yes, it's, um... it's based on a true story, actually. He fell in love with his... They are interrupted by the door opening, and let go of their hands. Suddenly Buffy finds herself back in her history class as her teacher continues his lecture while writing on the board. Teacher: ...hours, child labor... Buffy stares in surprise at what the teacher is writing. Teacher: ...and collective bargaining. The teacher looks back at the class. The students all start laughing. He looks back at the board and sees that he's just written "DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME BITCH!" in huge letters. Teacher: Oh, my God! He quickly grabs an eraser and frantically wipes it away. Boy: (smiling) Did you see what he wrote? Cut to the halls. Buffy and Xander walk through the doors from the lounge and head down the hall. Buffy: I'm telling you, something weird is going on. Xander: Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto? Buffy: Pretty much. But I don't know. This time it bugs me. They reach his locker, and he starts to work the combination. Xander: I don't wanna poo-poo your wiggins, but a domestic dispute, a little case of chalkboard Tourette's? All sounds like Hellmouth Lite to me. He opens his locker, and a wiry-muscled green arm sh**t out and grabs him by the shirt. He screams, and it pulls at him and slams him into the locker. Buffy grabs him by the shoulders and tries to pull him away, but the arm is extremely strong and pulls Xander away from her and against the locker again. He screams out in pain when he hits it. Buffy grabs him again and pulls harder, and the arm lets go. Xander falls to the floor as Buffy slams the locker shut. He scrambles back to his feet, and they both look around the hall and see the other students' reactions. They are all confused, but stay away and just stare. Buffy gives Xander an intent look and indicates that they should open his locker again and take a look inside. Xander rubs his chin and stands ready as Buffy slowly lifts the latch. She slowly opens the door, and they peek in. Nothing. They open it all the way, and it appears to be completely normal. Cut to the library. Willow is at the table studying. She looks up when she hears the doors open and sees Xander's torn shirt. Willow: Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet? Xander: You're just a big bucket of funny, Will. Buffy sits down next to her. Xander walks over to Giles, who is kneeling and going through some books on a shelf. Xander: I'll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of, um, locker monster. Giles: (looks up) Loch Ness Monster? Buffy: 'Locker' monster is what he said. But it wasn't really a monster. It was, like, this big arm that came out of the locker, but then we opened it again, it was gone. Nothing. Xander: This was right after Buffy's history teacher starts doing some freaky channeling thing in class. Giles: (stands up) Ooh! Sounds like paranormal phenomena. Willow: (smiles) A ghost? Cool! Xander: Oh, no, no. No. No cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm d*ad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.' Giles: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist. Xander: I defined something? Accurately? (closes a book on the table) Guess I'm done with the book learning. (sits) Buffy: So we have some bad boo on our hands? Giles: Yes. Willow: Well, why is it here? Does it just wanna scare people? Giles: Unfortunately, he doesn't know exactly what he wants. That's, that's the trouble. See, uh, many times the spirit is plagued by all manner of worldly troubles. Being d*ad, it has no way to, uh, to make its peace. So it, it lashes out, growing ever more confused, ever more angry. Buffy: So it's a normal teenager, only d*ad. Willow: Well, what can we do? Is there any way to stop it? Giles: (sits on the table) Uh, the only tried and true way is to work out what unresolved issues keep it here, and-and-and, um, resolve them. Buffy: Fabulous. Now we're Dr. Laura for the deceased. Giles: Only if we can find out who this spirit is. (considers) Or was. Cut to the halls that evening. George is doing his usual mopping. Behind him a classroom door opens, and a teacher comes out to go home. George: Working late Ms. Frank? Ms. Frank: My fault. Let myself get behind. (stops) Is it okay to walk here George? It is George, right? George: Oh, yes ma'am. You go ahead. Ms. Frank: Thanks. (continues on her way) You have a nice evening. George: You too. Drive safe. (looks up at her) Oh, Ms. Frank? Ms. Frank: Yes? George: (drops his mop and approaches her) You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over. Ms. Frank: (shakes her head) There's no way we can be together. (steps closer) No way people will ever understand. Accept it. George: Is that what this is about? What other people think? Ms. Frank: No! I just want you to be able to have some kind of a normal life. We can never have that. Don't you see? George: I don't give a damn about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute. She steps closer and puts her hand up on his cheek. He looks down sadly. Ms. Frank: I know. But it's over. It has to be. She turns around and starts to leave. He looks up again and starts to chase after her. George: (angrily) Come back here! We're not finished yet! He grabs her by the arm and turns her around to face him. George: You don't care anymore? Is that it? Ms. Frank: (sobbing) It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel. George: Then tell me you don't love me. (shakes her) Say it! Ms. Frank: Will that help? Is that what you have to hear? I don't. I don't. Now let me go. (tries to go) George: No. A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody. A g*n materializes in his hand. He takes a step back, raises the revolver, pulls the hammer back and aims it at her. She looks at the g*n, frightened. George: Love is forever. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. The camera pans through the main room over to a window looking into Giles' office. George and Ms. Frank can be heard faintly as they continue their quarrel. George: I'm not afraid to use it. I swear. If I can't be with you... Ms. Frank: Oh, my God. George: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, BITCH! Giles notices George's loud yelling and looks up from his desk. He gets up, takes off his glasses and walks out of his office to the area behind the checkout counter. There he hears a faint female voice. Voice: I need you. He looks around for a moment, then jumps to a conclusion. Giles: Jenny. Cut to the hall. He arrives at the hall intersection. George: Don't! Giles looks in the direction of George's voice and sees him out on the balcony holding the g*n up to Ms. Frank. George: Don't do that, damn it! Don't talk to me like I'm some dumb... The g*n goes off. Giles rushes to the other side of the intersection and hides behind the corner, watching the events as they unfold. Outside Ms. Frank goes into shock from the b*llet wound and begins to fall backward. She tumbles over the balcony railing down to the base of the stairs below. There George sees her lying d*ad with her eyes closed. He panics and runs into the hall. As he reaches the intersection Giles rushes out, grabs him and tackles him to the floor. George loses his grip on the g*n and it slides away. As it does so it dissolves and disappears in a whiff of black vapor. George raises his head as Giles gets to his knees behind him and holds him down. George: What's going on? Giles: What's going on? You just sh*t a woman. George is stunned by the realization that it actually happened. Cut to a modern-looking but deserted mansion. Cut inside to an atrium. Angelus comes in leading Spike and Drusilla on a tour. Angelus: And this... this is the garden. Drusilla: Wow! (walks through) Look. Jasmine. (holds a flower) Angelus: Night blooming. (plays with some pruning shears) Drusilla: Like us. Oh, Angel, it's fairyland. (turns in excitement) Ooh! Spike: (still at the entrance) It's paradise. Big windows, lovely gardens. It'll be perfect when we want the sunlight to k*ll us. Angelus: If you don't like it, Spike, h*t the stairs and go. Take a stand, man. (comes up behind Drusilla) Spike: Well, our old place was just fine till you went and had it b*rned down. Angelus: (walks around the center stone table) Things change, Spikey. You gotta roll with the punches. Well, actually, you pretty much got that part down, haven't you? Spike: Very funny, mate. Angelus: (peeks his head out from behind Dru) What can I say? (peeks from the other side of her head) I just love to see you smile, buddy. He holds up a jasmine bloom and brushes it across Drusilla's cheek as he growls into her ear. Spike: Yeah, you're a giver. (turns and rolls out) Cut to the library. Giles is in his office, and the others are standing outside his door. Giles: It was just as with the, the couple you encountered the other night, Buffy. The, the janitor remembered everything. He, he knew he'd k*lled this poor woman, but he had no idea why. Well, they-they had no intimate relationship. He comes out with a few books and heads into the main area. They all follow. Willow: What about the g*n? Did you find it? Giles: No, no. The police, everybody, we-we-we-we searched high and low. I think it's very clear what's happening here. He goes into the cage with the books and puts them away. Xander: Fill me in then, 'cause I've read the book, seen the movie, and I'm still fuzzy about what's going on. Giles: It's Jenny. Buffy: What? Xander: You think she's the ghost? Giles: Well, don't you see? Well, she-she-she died here under tragic circumstances, a-a-and now she's trapped. Willow: But what about the g*n? I mean, Angel didn't sh**t Ms. Calendar. Giles: The g*n is insignificant. It's the v*olence of the thing that matters. (goes back into his office) Buffy: I don't know. These fights these couples keep having, it's sort of... specific. Willow: She's right. It's a pattern that doesn't fit with the way Ms. Calendar died. Giles: (comes out of his office) Yes, well, I, uh, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, I, in fact I... well, I *encourage* you to, to always, uh, challenge me, uh, when you feel it's appropriate. You should never be cowed by authority. (starts back in, but comes back) Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong. (goes back in) Cut to the computer science classroom. Willow, Xander and Buffy come in. Willow: This is freaky. I don't ever remember ever seeing Giles be this weird. She sits at the desk and types at her laptop. Xander leans on a table behind her. Buffy walks to the other side of the desk. Xander: I know. He's usually Investigate-Things-From-Every-Boring-Angle Guy. Now he's I-Cling-Onto-My-One-Lame-Idea Guy. What gives? Buffy: He misses her. He can't think. Just a little more fallout from my love life. Willow: Okay, but this ghost stuff is something else. Let me do a crosscheck on other sh**t at the school. Buffy: Yeah, we need some alternate ghost theories. What do we know? Xander: Dog spit is cleaner than human. Buffy: Besides that? Willow: (finds something) Oh, boy, we know plenty. She scrolls through a newspaper article on her laptop. The title reads "Sunnydale High Jock Kills Lover, Self". Willow: It says a student m*rder a teacher on the night of the Sadie Hawkins Dance. The rumor was they were having an affair, and she tried to break it off. After he k*lled her, he went into the music room and sh*t himself. Xander: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a ghost. It is one of those two, right? Willow: It all fits: the g*n, the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Buffy: Which is tonight. Xander: How come we've never heard about this m*rder-su1c1de thing before? When did it happen? Buffy: 1955. Willow and Xander both look up at her surprised. Willow: How did you know? Cut to a short while later. Buffy sets the 1955 Sunnydale High yearbook on the desk and opens it to a picture of Ms. Newman. Buffy: Okay, here's the new strangeness. I dreamt about this woman, (points) Grace Newman, the other day. (turns more pages) Her and this guy. (points) Willow: Jim Stanley? He's the one. He did it. Xander: Your dreams are getting wicked accurate, Buff. You wouldn't happen to see me coming across some big cash? Or possibly knowing the love of a woman? In a full body sense? Buffy: (ignores him) He couldn't make her love him, so he k*lled her. (turns away) Sicko. (steps away) Willow: He looks so normal on this picture. He was smart, too. He made the honor roll. Buffy: (looks back) Smart. Xander: He k*lled a person and k*lled himself. Those are pretty much two of the dumbest things you could do. Willow: I know, but... Well, don't you feel kind of bad for them? Buffy: Sure I feel lousy. For her. He's a m*rder and he should pay for it. Willow: With his life? Buffy: No, he should be doing sixty years in a prison, breaking rocks and making special friends with Roscoe the Weightlifter. Xander: Yikes. The quality of mercy is not Buffy. Willow: Whose ghost do you think we're dealing with? His or hers? Buffy: Well, considering how violent it is, I'm gonna say his. Xander: That tracks. Willow: (sits) Well, I've been browsing on some of Ms. Calendar's pagan sites. Maybe I can find a way to communicate with them and... we can find out what he wants. Buffy: Who cares what he wants? We need to shut him down before some other innocent guy goes and kills some poor nice girl and then blows his brains out all over the music room wall. Xander: Okay! (smiles and rubs his hands) Who's hungry? Cut to the cafeteria. Kraut dogs and spaghetti are on the menu today. Cordelia has opted for spaghetti, and after paying comes over to the team's table with her tray. Cordelia: I hope you guys aren't going to the Sadie Hawkins Dance tonight, (sits) 'cause I'm organizing a boycott. Do you realize that the girls have to ask the guys? And pay and everything? I mean, whose genius idea was that? Xander: Obviously, some hairy-legged feminist. Cordelia: Really! Well, we need to nip this thing in the bud. I mean, otherwise, things are going to get really scary. Suddenly they hear several students scream. The hotdogs and spaghetti have all turned into snakes. A boy pulls his snakedog away from his mouth. He has a snake protruding from his lips. He drops the bun, spits out the snake and quickly gets up, backing away from his table. Xander and the others look back at their table and see snakes all over it as well. They quickly get up, except for Cordelia, who is too busy screaming to think. When she finally looks at the table again a snake lunges at her and bites her on the cheek. She reacts fast, throws the snake off of her and runs. Snyder comes through the door and sees the mayhem. He steps back just as a student comes running by and falls over a table. Moments later the cafeteria is deserted. Cut to later outside. The police are there. A team of pest controllers is gathering the snakes, which in the mean time have managed to make their way all around the school. Students are still fleeing the building and running around. Cut to an ambulance. Cordelia and Xander sit at the back while a paramedic dresses Cordelia's snakebite. Cordelia: Perfect. I'm gonna be scarred and swollen. Why didn't they just k*ll me? Cut to the Police Chief's car. Snyder holds the door open as the Chief gets out. Chief: Schoolboy pranks? Snyder: Never sell. (slams the door and they walk) Chief: The sewer got backed up. Snyder: Better. I can probably make that one fly. But this is getting out of hand. People will talk. Chief: You'll take care of it. Snyder: I'm doing everything I can, but you people have to realize... Two men arrive. Man: Snyder, what's going on here? Snyder: Backed up sewer line. Same thing happened in San Diego just last week. The two men continue into the building. Snyder: (to the Chief) We're on a Hellmouth. Sooner or later, people are gonna figure that out. Chief: The city council was told that you could handle this job. If you feel that you can't, perhaps you'd like to take that up... with the Mayor. (leaves) Snyder: I'll handle it. I will. Cut to Buffy's house that night. Cut inside to her room. She's on her bed, Xander is in her wicker chair, Cordelia is kneeling and leaning against the bed and Willow is standing. Willow: Remember the plan to contact the spirit and talk to it? Scrap that plan. Buffy, you were right. The time for touchy-feely communication is passed. I've done some homework and found the only solution is the final solution. Xander: Nuke the school? (smiles) I like that. Willow: Not quite. Exorcism. Cordelia: Are you crazy? I saw that movie! Even the priest died. Buffy: What's the deal? Willow lays down a map of the school building, and they all lean in to look. Willow: Okay, see here, the balcony? That's where the original teacher died back in 1955 and that teacher last night. That's the hot spot where all the bad mojo is coming from. We need to create a Mangus-tripod. Cordelia: A what? Willow: (points) One person chants here on the hot spot. And the other three chant in other places around the school forming a triangle. It's supposed to bind the bad spirit and keep it from doing any more harm. Buffy: Well, I'll take the hot spot. (takes the map) If there's trouble, that's where it'll be. Willow nods. Xander: This ghost, this James guy, is fixating on you, Buffy. The dreams, the yearbook... You sure you can handle it? Buffy: Well, I'm hoping he'll show. I truly am. Cut to the school that night. They all come into the hall from outside. Buffy: Okay, we all have our places. We do the chant and light the candle at midnight exactly. Any questions? Cordelia: Yeah, what if this mangled triangle thingy doesn't work? Willow: Oh! I almost forgot. I made us all scapulas. (hands them out) Xander: Okay, so we can flip the ghost over when it turns a nice golden brown? Willow: Scapula, not spatula. Um, you wear it around your neck for protection. Cordelia: You expect me to wear this? It smells like grandpa breath. Willow: Sorry, I didn't have a lot of time. I had to use sulfur. Stinky, but effective. Buffy: Okay, let's do this. They all continue into the student lounge. Cordelia: No problem. This will be a piece of cake. Right? They hear a creaking and then a crashing noise. They jump and look in that direction and see that the doors at the end of the hall have slammed shut on their own. One by one the other doors at the ends of the two intersecting halls slam shut. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The atrium in the mansion. Drusilla sifts through the dirt in one of the large planters. Spike is in his wheelchair, and Angelus is on the bench behind Drusilla. Drusilla: Maybe I'll sleep underground. Dig myself a little burrow. Spike: What about your pretty dress, sweet? It'll get all dirty. Drusilla: Then I'll sleep naked. Like the animals do. Angelus: You know, I'm suddenly liking this plan. Drusilla lies down on the ground in front of the planter. Spike: Fortunately, nobody cares what you like, mate. Angelus: Oh, yeah? Let's ask Dru. He slides off of the bench and crouches, looking at Drusilla. She begins to laugh as she has a vision. Drusilla: There's a gate! (rolls onto her back, laughing) It's opening! (gets to her knees) Angelus: Incoming! I love when she does this. Spike: What gate, pet? What do you see? Drusilla: (bounces gleefully) It's black. (hums) It wants her. (hums) Angelus: (crawls up behind her) Wants who? Drusilla: The Slayer. It's time, Angel. (stands up) She's ready for you now. (begins to move) She's dancing. Dancing with death. Spike: Big deal. He won't do anything. Our man Angel here likes to talk but he's not much for action. All hat and no cattle. Angelus: (grabs Dru's waist) I don't know about that. (turns her around) I think this whole Slayer thing has run its course. (crouches down by her) I'm ready to focus my energy elsewhere. Spike: Really? Angelus: Oh, yeah! What, with you being Special Needs Boy, I figure I should stick close to home. (walks his fingers up Dru's thigh and waist) You and Dru can always use another pair of hands. Drusilla coos with delight. Angelus chuckles maniacally. Spike looks at the two of them angrily. Cut to the hall outside of the school library. Willow walks along and slows down to look down the other hall before continuing. Behind her Giles opens the door, and she screams out in fright. He startles and yells out, too. Giles: God, Willow, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to be inside. Willow: Me? What about you? Giles: I'm, uh, I'm, I'm trying to, uh... (puts on his glasses) I think I-I may be close to, uh, contacting Jenny. Willow gives him an understanding look. He starts to go back into the library, but turns back. Giles: What's that smell? Willow: It's my scapula. Giles: Ah, right, of course. Did you use sulfur? Willow: Yeah. Giles: That's clever. Uh, well, uh, run along then. Th-there may be some, uh, paranormal ph-phenomena if I contact her. Y-y-you don't want to be in the line of f*re. He goes back in, and the door swings shut behind him. Willow: Okay. 'Night. Cut to a girls' bathroom. Cordelia comes in with her candle and flashlight and looks around. The place is deserted. She sees her reflection in the mirror with a bandage on her cheek. She walks over to it and sets the candle down on the shelf. She pulls off the bandage and winces at the pain. Leaning toward the mirror she inspects the twin fang marks on her cheek. Cut to the hall. Buffy walks along and hears the song "I Only Have Eyes For You", by The Flamingos, playing somewhere. Down another hall she can see shadows in a bright light dancing against a wall. Lyrics: My love must be a kind of blind love She walks toward the sound and through a pair of doors. Lyrics: I can't see anyone but you Beyond them is another set of doors to the music room. A Class of '55 Sadie Hawkins Dance flyer is taped to one of the door windows. She steps over to the other door and looks in. There she sees James and Grace dancing slowly to the music. Cut to the cafeteria. There are still a few snakes there. Xander comes in and looks around. Xander: Oh, yeah, baby, it's snakalicious in here. Cut to the landing up the stairs from the student lounge. Willow steps up to it and looks around nervously. Cut to Buffy watching James and Grace slowly turn as they dance. Lyrics: The moon may be high / but I can't see a thing in the sky When James turns into view again Buffy sees that his face is all rotted. Lyrics: 'Cause I only have eyes for you Buffy stares back in open-mouthed shock. James and Grace are suddenly gone. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia digs in her purse for some makeup. When she looks back up and is about to put some on, the side of her face with the snakebite suddenly becomes rotten. She screams at the top of her lungs. Cut to the landing. Willow sets her candle down on the floor. Below her the floor suddenly starts to swirl, and a green demonic hand reaches up and grabs her, pulling her down. She screams for all she's worth, and grabs the stair railing to keep from being pulled in. Willow: (screams) GILES! He hears her screams and comes running. Giles: WILLOW! Willow: GILES! GILES! The pull is too strong, and she loses her grip on the railing. Giles: WHERE ARE YOU?! He comes running into the lounge area. Willow: PLEASE! HELP! HELP ME! He turns and sees her sinking into the floor. He scrambles up the stairs to her aid. Willow: HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! He grabs her arms and starts to pull. She screams again as the pit continues to try to suck her in. Giles lets out a grunt and manages to slowly lift her out. When she's free of the pit she suddenly snaps into his arms, and they both go rolling down the stairs. Cut to the balcony. Buffy puts her scapula around her neck and pulls her hair out of the back. Suddenly she senses something and stares off into space. She has a vision of Ms. Newman running out of the hall onto the balcony being chased by James with his g*n. James: Stop! Cut to Ms. Newman facing James. Ms. Newman: Just calm down. Cut to James shaking the g*n at her. It goes off. Cut to Ms. Newman clutching her chest over the b*llet wound. She pulls her hand away and looks at the blood. Cut to Buffy for just an instant. Cut to James walking into the music room. Cut to him putting on a record. Cut to him crying. Cut to him raising the g*n to his head. Cut to him crying again as he pulls the trigger. Cut to Buffy on the balcony. James comes up to her with a rotted face and grabs her by the arms. James: Get out! The vision of him fades quickly, and she takes a few steps back. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia is panting with fear, covering her face with her hands. She looks into the mirror again and sees that her face is suddenly normal again. She pulls her hands away, takes a closer look and begins to calm down a bit. Cut to the lounge. Giles gets up and goes up a few steps to make sure that the pit is gone. He comes back down to Willow. Giles: Are you all right? Willow: (still frightened) Giles, (shakes her head) Jenny could never be this mean. Giles: (glances up at the landing) I know. (sits) It's, it's not her, is it? Willow: I'm sorry. The town clock begins to strike midnight. Willow: Oh, God. Oh. She scrambles back up to the landing to light the candle. He follows. Giles: Careful up here! Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia is nervous but ready with her candle and lighter. Cut to the balcony. Buffy strikes a match and lights her candle. Cut to the landing. Willow struggles with her lighter. The flame won't ignite. Giles crouches down, takes it from her and lights the candle. Willow: I shall confront and expel all evil. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia lights her candle. Cordelia: I shall *totally* confront and expel all evil. Cut to the cafeteria. Xander sits on a table with his lit candle before him. He has his legs crossed, hands folded and eyes closed as if in prayer. Xander: Out of marrow and bone... Cut to the balcony. Buffy lights her candle. Buffy: Out of house and home... never to come here again. Cut to the landing. Giles and Willow look around. Nothing is happening. Cut to the cafeteria. Xander opens his eyes. Nothing happens there either. Cut to the bathroom. Cordelia looks around also. All seems quiet. Cut to the balcony. Buffy watches as a breeze blows out her candle. She looks in the direction of the gust. Cut to the landing. The candle there has been blown out, too. Giles and Willow exchange a look. Cut to the cafeteria. Xander's candle is out also. He looks around nervously. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia watches the smoke drift from the glowing wick. Cut to the lounge. Giles and Willow come down the stairs and look down the hall. They hear a faint buzzing. It steadily gets louder. At the far end of the hall they see a dark swarm of wasps coming toward them. Giles: Oh, my God! They both break into a d*ad run. As they round a corner Buffy and Cordelia join them from another hall. Giles: You all right? Xander comes running out of the cafeteria and keeps pace. They reach the far end of the hall where the doors are jammed shut. Buffy: Get back! Giles backs off, and Buffy kicks the door open, shattering the glass. They all immediately run out. The wasps are right behind them. When they reach the street Xander looks back and stops. Xander: Check it. They all stop and turn to look as well. Xander: I'd say school's out for good. They all stare in amazement. Giles takes off his glasses. The wasps have arranged themselves in a wall around the school so that nothing can get in or out. Cut to the living room at Buffy's house. She leans against the wall. Giles and the others are seated around the coffee table. He pours some tea for himself. There is also a pot of coffee for the others. Giles: The good news is none of you girls were sh*t. Well, we've established, based on all the parallels and-and-and Buffy's visions, that it's James' spirit. Willow: So what do we do, Giles? About James. Giles: Well, he's obviously reliving the night of the Sadie Hawkins Dance when he k*lled Ms. Newman. It-it's-it's common enough for a spirit to do this, to... recreate a, a tragedy. Cordelia: (munches a cr*cker) Hey. If Sunnydale High School shuts down forever, do we automatically graduate? Xander: (ignores her) But why? What does he want? (thinks again about Cordelia's question) Actually, that's an interesting point. Giles: He's, he's trying to... resolve whatever issues are keeping him in limbo. W-w-what exactly those are, I'm not... Buffy: (interrupts) He wants forgiveness. Giles: (leans back) Yes. (gets up) I imagine he does. (goes to her) But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's, he's doomed to, to k*ll his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and... forgiveness is impossible. Buffy: Good. He doesn't deserve it. Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it. Buffy: No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with. Xander: He can't live with it, Buff. He's d*ad. She just looks back at them all for a moment, then stalks off into the kitchen. Cordelia: Okay. Overidentify much? (munches her cr*cker) Cut to the kitchen. Buffy comes in. She has her hands in her pockets and finds a folded sheet of paper. She pulls it out and unfolds it. It's a Class of '55 Sadie Hawkins Dance flyer. She puts down the flyer and hears a faint male voice. Voice: I need you. She goes out the kitchen door. Cut to the living room. Willow gets up from her chair. Willow: So what do we do next? Do we go in again? Giles: Well, not now. No, the, uh... the spirit is too angry, too, too powerful. No, we have to work out exactly how and, and if this thing can be defeated. Cut to the school. It is still surrounded by the swarm of wasps. Buffy walks up to it anyway. The swarm parts to let her in. When she reaches the doors they open for her, and the swarm closes the gap behind her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at Buffy's house. Willow comes in looking for her. Willow: Hey, Buffy, are you... See sees the flyer lying on the island and picks it up. Willow: Oh, God. Giles! (he comes in) She went back. Cut to the school. They all stand in front of it looking at the swarm. Xander: So what now? Not even a mega-vat of Raid's gonna do the trick here. Cordelia: I don't get it. Is she trying to be a big loner hero or something? Giles: No. I believe she's under the spirit's thrall. He's, he's calling her. Cordelia: But why? Giles: James needs her to re-enact everything that happened on the night that he, he k*lled Ms. Newman. He wants to change things, make, make a happy ending. Willow: But it can't ever happen! It always ends the same, which means Buffy just went in there to get sh*t, Giles. Giles: Yes. But the school's deserted. There's no way for James to... to play his part. There's, there's no man inside for him to possess. Xander: So Buffy should be safe until we find a way to get her out. Willow: In theory, yeah. Cut inside the school. Buffy walks idly through the halls. She stops by the trophy case and turns around. Angelus walks in and blocks the camera's view. Angelus: Fun fact about wasps. Cut to Buffy with her back to Angelus. Angelus: They have no taste for the undead. Not that a sting would do me any damage, it's just... tonight's special. I wanted to look my best for you. Buffy: (quietly) You're the only one. The only person I can talk to. Angelus: Gosh, Buff. That's really pathetic. Buffy: (faces him) You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over. Angelus: Actually... (approaches her) I can. In fact... I just want you to be able to have some kind of normal life. We can never have that, don't you see? Buffy: I don't give a *damn* about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute. He raises his hand to her cheek. Cut to 1955. Grace puts her hand on James' cheek. He looks down sadly. Ms. Newman: I know. But it's over. It has to be! She turns around and starts to leave. He looks up again and starts to chase after her. Cut to 1998. Buffy chases after Angelus. Buffy: (angrily) Come back here! We're not finished! She grabs him by the arm and turns him around to face her. Buffy: You don't care anymore, is that it? Angelus: (sobbing) It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel. Buffy: Then tell me you don't love me! Cut to 1955. James: Say it! Ms. Newman: Is that what you need to hear? Will that help? I don't. Cut to 1998. Angelus: I don't. Now let me go. (tries to go) Buffy: No. A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody! Cut to 1955. Grace looks at James. He takes a step back, raises a revolver, pulls the hammer back and aims it at her. Cut to 1998. Angelus looks at the g*n and then at Buffy, frightened. Buffy: Love is forever. I'm not afraid to use it, I swear! If I can't be with you... Angelus: Oh, my God! He turns around and starts running out of the hall toward the balcony. Cut to 1955. Grace runs from the hall. James: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME... Cut to 1998. Buffy: ...BITCH! Angelus runs out of the hall. She runs after him. Cut to 1955. James runs after Grace. Cut to 1998. Angelus barges through the door out onto the balcony. Buffy: Stop it! (comes out the door) Stop it! Don't make me! He stops next to the balcony railing. Angelus: (breathing heavily with fear) All right. Just... (turns around) Cut to 1955. Grace turns around to face James. Ms. Newman: You know you don't want to do this. Let's both... just calm down. Now give me the g*n. (holds out her hand) James: Don't. Don't do that, damn it! Cut to 1998. Buffy: Don't talk to me like I'm some stupid... The g*n goes off. Angelus flinches from the wound. Cut outside the school. Giles and the others hear the g*n. Willow draws a worried breath. Cut to the balcony. Angelus has his hand clutched to his chest. He pulls it away and sees the blood. He looks up at Buffy. She stares back in open-mouthed shock at what she just did. Angelus: James. Cut to 1955. Grace goes into shock from the b*llet wound and begins to fall backward. She tumbles over the balcony railing down to the base of the stairs below. Cut to 1998. Buffy just stares in shock. Cut to 1955. James sees Grace below lying d*ad with her eyes closed. He slowly goes back into the hall. Cut to 1998. Angelus lies prone at the base of the stairs below. Cut to the music room. Buffy slowly comes in. Cut to Angelus. His eyes suddenly open. He props himself up on his elbows and looks up at the balcony. Cut to the music room. Buffy walks to the record player at the back of the room. She turns it on and begins playing the record. Lyrics: My love must be a kind of blind love She looks over into a mirror, and James looks back at her. Her eyes are full of tears as she looks at him. He looks down at the g*n in his hand. Lyrics: I can't see anyone but you The camera pans down from Buffy's face to the g*n in her hand. She raises it slowly, but a hand takes it and pushes it back down. She turns and finds herself face to face with Angelus. Buffy: Grace! Angelus: Don't do this. Buffy: But-but I k*lled you. Angelus: It was an accident. It wasn't your fault. Buffy: Oh, it *is* my fault. How could I... Angelus: Shhh. I'm the one who should be sorry, James. You thought I stopped loving you. But I never did. I loved you with my last breath. Buffy lets out a few sobs. Angelus: Shhh... No more tears. Cut to 1955. Grace and James kiss. Cut to 1998. Angelus and Buffy kiss. They hold each other tightly as they continue kissing for a long time. Above them in the ceiling a bright light appears, and the spirits of Grace and James leave this world for the next. As quickly as it appeared the light is gone. Buffy and Angelus gently break off their kiss and open their eyes. Buffy: (softly) Angel. Suddenly he growls, pushes her away and runs from the room, leaving Buffy there in shock. Dissolve to the library. Giles paces behind the counter. The door opens, and Willow, Xander and Cordelia come in. Willow: Everything seems normal. Not a snake, not a wasp. Cordelia: Yep. School can open again tomorrow. Xander: Explain to me again how that's a good thing. They all lean against the counter. Cordelia: I'm drawing a blank. Giles goes back into his office where Buffy is resting. Giles: Are you feeling any better? Buffy: James picked me. I guess... I guess I was the one he could relate to. He was so sad. Giles: (sits by her) Well... they can both rest now. Buffy: I still... (exhales) A part of me just doesn't understand why she would forgive him. Giles: Does it matter? Buffy: No. I guess not. Cut to the atrium at the mansion. Angelus stands by the fountain bare- chested, breathing frantically and scrubbing himself hard with the water. Spike: You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated. Angelus: What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you. He walks from the fountain and passes Spike in disgust. Drusilla: What was it? A demon? Angelus: Love! He grabs a clean shirt and starts to put it on. Drusilla: Poor Angel. Angelus: (walks back) Let's get outta here. I need a real vile k*ll before sunup to wipe this crap out of my system. He pulls on his jacket over his still-unbuttoned shirt. Drusilla comes up to him and growls. He snarls back. Drusilla: Of course. We'll find you a nice toddler. (snarls) Angelus starts up the stairs out of the garden. Drusilla: (to Spike) Want to come, pet? Angelus: (comes back down) No can do, Dru. I'm sure he'd be hell on wheels, but we don't have much time. (to Spike) Gotta travel light. (puts his hands on Spike's shoulders) Sorry. Try to have fun without me. He goes back up the stairs, and Drusilla makes haste to follow. Spike watches them go with an angry look on his face and exhales. Spike: Oh, I will. He takes his foot from its footrest and puts it on the ground. He slowly gets up and stands tall, apparently recovered from his weakness. He kicks back at his wheelchair angrily. It goes spinning away. He looks back up at the garden entryway. Spike: Sooner than you think.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x19 - I Only Have Eyes For You"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Sunnydale State Beach at night. There is a large party going on with about fifty students in attendance. "Mann's Chinese", by Naked, plays in the background. The camera pans from a few parked cars through the crowd of students laughing and celebrating and stops at a f*re, where Xander, Cordelia and Willow are warming themselves. Xander: All I'm saying is, it's a stupid idea to have a victory party at the beach. It's officially nippy. (looks down at himself) So say my nips. Willow: I think it's festive. A party with nature. Cordelia: Well, it's the team's choice. It was their victory. Xander: Team? Swim team. (chuckles) Hardly what I'd call a team. The Yankees. Abbott and Costello. The 'A'. Now, those were teams. Cordelia: Jealous? Xander: No. Y-yes, but 'no' more than 'yes'. A member of the swim team staggers by with a girl under each arm. Xander: I mean, look at that. (indicates them) Dodd McAlvy. Last month he's the freak with Jicama breath who waxes his back. He wins a few meets and suddenly inherits the cool gene? Cordelia: Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something. Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate. Cordelia smiles at that. Xander: (pumps his fist) We're number one! (looks around) Huh? He gets a few positive responses from nearby students. The camera pans from them over to Buffy sitting by herself behind a pile of sand and staring out over the ocean with a tuned-out look on her face. After a moment another member of the swim team approaches her from behind. Cameron: Beautiful. (stands behind her) Isn't it? Buffy: (still staring at the ocean) Yeah. It's just so... Cameron: Eternal. A true mother, giving birth to new life and devouring old. (sits behind her) Always adaptable and nurturing... yet... constant... and merciless. Buffy: (looks at him) Boy. I was just gonna go with big and wet. Cameron: (laughs) Me and some of the other guys on the team, we come out here once a week to train in it. See, we swim against the current. Buffy: Funny. That's how I feel most of the time. (turns to him) So, Cameron Walker, you just won the state semifinals. What are you going to do next? Cameron: I'm going to hang out with Buffy Summers. Get to know her. Buffy: (looks down for an instant) Hey, pause that tape for a second. Cameron: Hey. No pressure. I just like being around you. That's all. They both look out over the ocean for a moment. Then behind them a lot of shouting and laughing starts. Jonathon: Somebody help me! Buffy and Cameron both turn to look. Cut into the drink tub looking up through the ice floating on the surface. Jonathon's face gets pushed into the water and shaken around. Cut to Dodd harassing him. He pulls Jonathon's head back out of the tub and holds him back by the hair. Dodd: Come on, Jonny, you gotta hold your breath longer than that if you ever wanna make the team! Hey, somebody time him! He shoves Jonathon's head back into the tub. Suddenly a hand appears on his shoulder and pulls him up, raising his short sleeve in the process. He has a tattoo of a mean-faced shark smoking a cigar on his upper arm. Dodd: Hey! Buffy: Nice tat. What, they ran out of Tweety bird? She shoves him down to the ground. Jonathon coughs at the side of the tub. Dodd: Hey, what's your problem? Cameron: (chuckles) You had it coming to you, bro. Dodd gets up and starts to confront Buffy, but Gage gets between them. Gage: Chill, dude. A bunch of us are gonna take a little night dip down on the beach. You in? Dodd: Whatever. They start to go. Buffy turns her attention to Jonathon. Buffy: Hey, let's, let's get you a towel. Jonathon: (waves her off) No. Why don't you mind your own business? I can handle this without your help. (leaves) Buffy: (sighs) See? It's fun to hang out with me. Cut to Dodd and Gage walking further down the beach. Dodd: I can't believe Buffy. Man, that girl gives me the creeps. He lags behind a bit and then stops, staring out over the ocean as Gage continues to walk. He looks back and forth with his eyes between the ocean and Gage walking ahead of him. After a long pause he continues to walk as well. Cut to Gage. He smells something and stops in his tracks. He takes another sniff of the rank-smelling air. Gage: Oh! Dude! What is that foulness? He looks behind him and sees that Dodd has disappeared. Gage: Hey, Dodd! (looks around the other way) Dude! (gives up) Huh. He goes on to the group of people gathered under the pier. The camera stops following him and pans up the beach. A muffled scream can be heard followed by some tearing sounds and painful moaning. Finally a deep growl is heard as the camera reaches Dodd, or at least what's left of him. It's just a pile of ripped-up clothes and torn and bloody skin steaming in the cold night air. The camera stops on his shark tattoo for a moment, then pans up to a large storm drain coming out of the hillside. A hunched-over creature walks into it. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Computer science class at Sunnydale High School. The camera focuses on a pie chart appearing on a student's screen. Willow walks up the aisle, and the camera follows her through the classroom as she looks around at the students' work. Willow: Okay! Good pie charts, everyone. (looks at another) Good. (looks at another) All good. Girl: Thanks. Willow: (continues on) Nice. (walks around another) Good. (looks at Gage's PC) Gage. Your pie chart is looking a lot like solitaire... (looks closer) with naked ladies on the cards? Gage: (looks up at her) What's your point? The bell rings, and Gage gets up to go. Willow: No point. Principal Snyder walks into the room past the leaving students. He spots Gage and stops. Snyder: Nice work in yesterday's meet, son. Now, let's go for it. (pumps his fist) Gage gives him an acknowledging nod and continues out of the classroom. Snyder turns his attention to Willow. Willow: Uh, hi there, sir. Snyder: Rosenberg. How's the class? Everything in order? Willow: (worried) Well, actually... Snyder: (interrupts) Great. I've been talking to the board. We've been having trouble finding a competent teacher this late in the term. Do you think you could continue subbing through finals? Willow: (smiles) Oh! Sure! I like teaching. Snyder: Isn't that nice. You're a team player, and I like that. A team player wants everyone on the team to succeed. Wants everyone to pass. Willow: Well, yeah. Sure. (goes to her desk) Snyder: (follows her) I understand there's a problem with Gage Petronzi. He stops at one of the PC's and looks at it with his back to Willow. Willow: Oh, good, then you know. Well, yeah. Besides the behavior problem, he won't do homework, and his test scores are... Snyder looks up exasperated, not wanting to hear this. Willow: Well, actually, he doesn't have any test scores because he never shows up when we have... Snyder: (turns to her and interrupts) I'm not interested in any of that. I'm interested in why, when this school is on the brink of winning its first state championship in fifteen years, you slap a crucial member of that team with a failing mark that would force his removal. Is that how you show your school spirit? Willow: (flustered) Yes. Well, I mean... no. I'm just trying to grade fairly. Snyder: Gage is a champion. He's under more pressure than the other students. And I think we need to cut him some slack. He starts to leave the classroom. Willow considers his words for a moment. Willow: You're asking me to change his grade? (faces him) Snyder: (stops and turns back) I never said any such thing. (steps over to her) All I'm suggesting is... that you recheck your figures, and I think we'll find a grade more fitting to an athlete of Gage's stature. Perhaps something in a 'D'. He turns and leaves. Willow is unsure of how to deal with what he just told her. Cut to the halls. Xander, Cordelia and Willow come down the stairs and walk down the hall. Xander: Just like that? He actually told you to alter his grade? Willow: Exactly. Except for actually telling me to. But he made it perfectly clear of what he wasn't telling me. Xander: That is wrong, a big, fat, spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to *earn* our D's. Cordelia: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They're called winners. That's the way the world works. Xander: And what about that nutty 'all men are created equal' thing? Cordelia: Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving. Xander: I think that was Lincoln. Cordelia: (exhales) Disgusting mole and stupid hat. Willow: Actually, it was Jefferson. Cordelia: Kept slaves. Remember? Xander: You know what really grates my cheese? That Buffy's not here to share my moral outrage about swim team perks. Cut to Cameron's Mustang pulling up to the school. Buffy is in the passenger's seat. Xander: She's too busy being one of them. Cameron: I don't know, a dolphin. A dolphin in the ocean. Because, you know, when I'm in the vastness of the ocean, it's... (they pull to a stop) it's like I'm never alone. He turns off the engine and leans against his door to face Buffy. She leans her elbow against her door with her head propped up on her hand. Cameron: You ever hear of a woman named Gertrude Ederle? Buffy: No. No, I can't say that I have, Cam. Cameron: First woman to swim the English Channel. (Buffy nods slowly, bored) Same thing. I mean, she would talk to it. I mean, she'd carry on entire conversations with it. Sometimes I do that. I mean, once I was out in... Buffy: (sits up) You know what, Cam? Thanks. I'd forgotten how nice it is to just talk, or, in my case, listen, without any romantic pressure. Cameron: Hey... I'm not about pressure. I just want you to be comfortable. Buffy: (smiles) I'm comfy! I'm so comfy, I'm nodding off actually, which is why... Cameron: (interrupts) Are you wearing a bra? (looks at her suggestively) Buffy: (in disbelief) What? Cameron: (grins) Come on. I mean, tell me you haven't been thinking about this ever since last night. Buffy: What I'm thinking about is that I should probably get out of this car... She reaches for the door lever, but Cameron quickly hits the master lock button, locking her in. Cameron: Relax. I'm not gonna hurt you. Buffy: Oh, it's not me I'm worried about. Cameron: (snickers) You like it rough! He reaches over to put his arm around her, and she grabs it and pulls him down toward her. Cameron: Ow! With her other hand she grabs the back of his neck and jerks him up. Cameron: Oh! She smashes his head into the steering wheel. The horn honks. Cameron: Oh! He sits up and holds his nose in pain. Cameron: Ah! Buffy notices Principal Snyder outside of the car. He walks up to the front and looks in through the windshield at her. Cameron: Oh, you broke my nose! Buffy cringes at the sight of Principal Snyder. Cameron: Ah! Snyder raises his hand and motions with his finger for her to come with him. Cameron groans in pain. Cut to Nurse Greenleigh's office. She slams a cold pack onto a table to start the chemical reaction and kneads it a little before holding it up to Cameron's nose and gently laying it on. Cameron: Ow! He takes hold of it, and the nurse leaves him alone. The camera pans over to Buffy. Buffy: I wasn't the attacker, Principal Snyder. I was the att*cked. Snyder: That's not how it looked from where I was standing. Cameron: I don't know what happened. I mean, first she leads me on, then she goes schizo on me. Buffy: (steps over to him) Lead you on? When did I lead you on? Cameron: Oh, come on. (to Snyder) I mean, look at the way she dresses. She looks down at herself. The door opens, and the swim team coach, Carl Marin, comes in. Buffy steps back and leans against a table. Snyder: Coach. Coach Marin: How we doing, Cameron? (goes to him) Snyder: (follows) Coach Marin, how bad does it look? Coach Marin: Well, luckily, it's not broken, but sure as hell it's gonna sting for a few days. Snyder: (leads the coach away from Cam) I mean our chances of winning the state championship. Coach Marin: Oh. Snyder: Can we still do it? Coach Marin: I'm gonna need Cameron back at a hundred and ten percent. Uh, he's my best swimmer, now with Dodd, uh... Buffy: What happened to Dodd? Snyder: That's none of your concern. You'd better hope that boy's nose heals before the meet this Friday. Coach Marin: (goes to Cam) Walker, I want you to h*t the steam room as soon as you're done here and try to keep those sinuses clear. (to the nurse) Take care of my boy, Ruthie. Nurse Greenleigh: I always do. Coach Marin: (steps over to Buffy) And you... try to dress more appropriately from now on. This isn't a dance club. He leaves the office. Snyder gives Buffy a look and follows the coach out. Cameron looks over at her and grins. Cut to the library. Buffy stands between the cage and the table and talks toward the table behind the camera. Buffy: So I'm treated like the baddie just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose. (considers) And I don't have a scratch on me, which, granted, hurts my case a little on the surface, but meanwhile he gets away with it because he's on the 'aren't we the most' swim team... The camera cuts to show Xander, Giles and Willow studying a number of books at the table. They all look up at her. Buffy: ...who, by the way, if no one's noticed, have been acting like real jerks lately... She notices their expressions of impatience and tries to find some sympathy there. They have none to give. Buffy: So, (giggles nervously) anything new with you guys? (sits) Giles: Thank you for taking an interest. Apparently, some remains were found on the beach this morning. Some human remains. Willow: Dodd McAlvy's remains. Buffy: Vampire? Giles: No. No, he was eviscerated. Nothing left but skin and cartilage. Xander: In other words, this was no boating accident. Buffy: So something ripped him open and ate out his insides? Willow: Like an Oreo Cookie. (Xander sh**t her a look) Well, except for, you know, without the chocolatey *cookie* goodness. Giles: Yes. Um, Principal Snyder has, has asked the faculty to keep the news quiet for now, um, so as not to unduly upset the students. Xander: For 'students': read 'swim team'. Willow: So, we're looking for a beastie. Giles: That, uh, eats humans whole... except for the skin. (looks into his book) Buffy: This doesn't make any sense. Xander: Yeah. The skin's the best part. Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol? Giles slowly turns to her and gives her a look. Buffy: (points at Giles) You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh. Cut to the steam room in the boy's locker room. Cameron sits in it alone. Cut to another view of the locker room. The camera pans around it. The place is deserted. Cut to the steam room. Cameron feels his nose and groans. Cut to the locker room. The camera slowly moves through it and looks around. Cut to the steam room. Cameron hears a noise and looks up and around. Cut to the locker room. The camera has reached the steam room. On the adjacent lockers a shadow can be seen approaching the door. Cut inside the steam room. Cameron ignores the noise and goes back to relaxing. Suddenly the door to the room opens, and he looks up startled and sees the coach come in. Coach Marin: Okay, son, I think you've had enough. Time to h*t the shower. (walks off) Cut to the student lounge. Xander walks down the hall counting out change in his hand. Xander: Too much research. Need beverage. He walks through the doors to the lounge area and is practically run over by Cameron coming down the other hall at a fast pace, knocking Xander's change onto the floor. Cameron: Hey! Watch it. Xander: Oh, forgive me, your Swim Teamliness. He makes a bowing gesture as he bends down to pick up his change. Cameron turns to go. Cameron: Loser. Xander: Likin' the nose, Cam. Good look for you. (stands back up) Cameron: Meaning what? (faces Xander) Xander: (steps over to Cam) Meaning Buffy must not be on your list of privileges after all. (chuckles while Cam crosses his arms) Man, I love it when you guys mess with her. Cameron: (shakes his head) You're lucky I'm hungry. Xander: (in mock sympathy) Oh, the cafeteria's closed. Cameron: Not to me. (leaves) Xander guffaws as he watches him go. Cut to the cafeteria. The camera pans past the empty steam table. Cameron walks in the door and starts toward the kitchen. Halfway through the dining area he stops and sniffs the air. Cameron: God, what is that? Cut to the hall. Xander stands in front of the vending machine and contemplates his choice of beverage, pointing at the buttons on the front panel. Xander: Grape, orange. Orange, grape. Suddenly he hears screaming and loud crashing noises coming from the cafeteria and turns to look, then starts to run. Cut to the cafeteria. Xander comes rushing in. He slowly walks through while looking around. The place is a shambles, with tables and chairs knocked over everywhere. He sniffs the air and looks down as he passes a table. There he sees Cameron's remains, just a pile of torn clothes and steaming skin. Xander: Oh, my God. He puts his hand over his mouth in shock and fights back his urge to vomit. He straightens back up and turns to go. Standing there blocking his way is a dark green humanoid sea monster with catfish whiskers, sharp teeth and three scaly ridges across the top of its head, roaring loudly. Xander screams and backs away. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Xander is standing behind Cordelia sitting at the table and watches her sketch the monster he saw. Xander: No, no, no! The mouth's a lot bigger! And downward. Like this. She looks at him make a face with the corners of his mouth turned down, and she sighs. Xander: With more teeth! She's had enough. She puts the sketchpad down, gets up and goes over to Giles at the counter. Cordelia: I'm doing the best I can. Giles takes off his glasses and looks up from his book over at Xander. Giles: Is that what you saw, Xander? Xander: (picks up and looks at the sketch) Y... yeah! (considers) I think so. (considers some more) Pretty much. Giles: Aaaaare you sure? Cordelia faces Xander and crosses her arms. Xander: Well, it was dark! And the thing went through the window so quick, and I was a... little shocked when I saw it, and... Cordelia: Go ahead. Say it. You ran like a woman. (grins) Xander: Hey, if you saw this thing, you'd run like a woman, too. Willow and Buffy come into the library and head for the counter. Willow: Buffy was right. According to the statistics, Dodd and Cameron were the best swimmers on the team. (hands Giles the figures) Buffy: First and second, actually. Which means if my theory's correct, Gage Petronzi, the third-best swimmer on the team, would be the next item on the menu. Cordelia: God, this is so sad. We're never gonna win the state championship. I think I've lost all will to cheerlead. Xander: (goes to the counter) Raise your hand if you feel her pain. Cordelia gives him a disgusted look. Giles: If you're saying these killings aren't random, it would suggest someone's out for revenge. Buffy: And raise the possibility that someone brought forth this sea monster from whence it came to exact that revenge. (reconsiders her words) 'From whence it came'? (Willow smiles) (to Giles) I'm spending *way* too much time around you. Xander: Who would hate the swim team that much, though? (gets looks from Buffy and Cordelia) Besides me, I mean. Willow: (raises her hand) Ooo! Buffy: Willow? Willow: Jonathon! He was bullied by Dodd the other day on the beach, remember? Buffy: He did say he could take care of things himself. It's a good call. You should question him. Willow: (smiles) Really? Me? (menacingly) I'll crack him like an egg. Giles: Meanwhile, I think, uh, swimmer number three might benefit from your... watchful eye and protection. Discreetly, of course. Buffy: I'm on it. (leaves) Xander: What about me? What can I do? Cordelia: Well, you could go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man. Xander hugs his arms around himself to protect against the sting of her words. Cut to the student lounge. Gage is sitting and playing with his GameBoy on one of the couches with his feet up on the table. The camera pulls back until Buffy is also in view, sitting in a chair and watching him while pretending to read a magazine. Gage can feel her eyes on him and sh**t her a glance. Buffy quickly jerks her head back to stare into her magazine. Gage shakes the feeling off and goes back to his GameBoy. Buffy slowly turns her head to watch him again. Cut to Willow's classroom. Jonathon is sitting in a chair at the front of the room. Willow aims a reading lamp at him. The camera pans from it up to her face, determined to get what she wants out of him. Willow: So, Jonathon. (crosses her arms) You tried out for the swim team twice and never made it? Jonathon: (fidgets) I'm asthmatic. I couldn't keep up. Willow: You resented it, didn't you? Jonathon: Maybe. Willow: (approaches him) You hated being pushed around by Dodd and the others. Jonathon: So? Willow: (walks around to his other side) So, you wanted revenge. Didn't you? (leans in suddenly) (sternly) Didn't you?! Jonathon: (nervously) Yeah! Okay? I did! Willow: (smiles and straightens back up) So... You delved into the black arts and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance. Jonathon: Huh? Willow: Didn't you? Jonathon: (confused) What? No! I snuck in yesterday and... peed in the pool. Willow: (disappointed) Oh. (disgusted) Eww! He looks down in shame. Cut to the halls. Principal Snyder and Coach Marin walk in from outside and walk into the student lounge. Coach Marin: This is such a blow. Sooner or later, the rest of my boys are gonna find out. How can I ask them to swim? Snyder: (quietly) It's a terrible, terrible tragedy. We all feel your pain, coach. I don't know two finer boys than Cameron and... that other one. (they stop) But I know they'd want their friends to go on and win that state championship. It's time to think about the team. Coach Marin: Well, I don't have a complete team as it is. If we don't find someone by this afternoon's tryouts, we won't be eligible to compete. Snyder: You'll find someone. (they continue) All he has to do is wear a bathing suit, right? The camera follows them for a moment and then stops on Xander. He overheard, and he looks back and watches them go. Cut to the Bronze. There's a DJ tonight and no cover charge. People come and go. Cut inside. The DJ is playing "If You'd Listen", by Nero's Rome. Buffy is at the bar sucking on a drink and watching Gage at a pool table practicing sh*ts by himself. Lyrics: If you'd listen, we wouldn't have to go through this Gage takes a sh*t and makes it. He walks around the table for his next one. Lyrics: If you'd just let me finish / Stop cuttin' and jumpin' ahead Gage bends down and makes his next sh*t. Lyrics: Yeah, if you'd just shut your pretty mouth / You'd save yourself some tears Buffy is bored at the bar, and gets up. She looks around nonchalantly and walks closer to the table, then gets behind a pillar and peeks out from behind it at Gage. Her change of position is not lost on Gage, and he stiffens up, frustrated at being watched so closely. He sh**t her a look, and she quickly looks away. Gage has had enough. He puts down his pool cue and walks around behind the pillar. Lyrics: You came back from the bathroom Buffy peeks back at the pool table and sees he's gone. She steps around to the other side of the pillar to look around and practically runs into Gage. Lyrics: With somethin' on your shoe She steps back over to the pool table side of the pillar, and Gage follows her around the other way and leans against it. Lyrics: Yeah, draggin' it behind you Gage: This me-and-my-shadow act? It's getting old. What do you want from me? Lyrics: Lookin' kinda foolish Buffy: Well, um... (exhales nervously) It's a little embarrassing. You see, I'm a swim groupie. Gage: (unconvinced) Aha. Buffy: Oh, yeah. (smiles and exhales) You know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby. Gage: (disbelieving) Hmm. (turns to go) Buffy: (runs around him) Uh, okay, okay, okay. (stops him) Obviously, my sex appeal is on the fritz today, so I'll just give it to you straight. There's something lurking out there, and it's making fillets of the populace, and I think you might be next. Gage: Uh-huh. And you think that because? Buffy: Well, it's already att*cked. It's already k*lled some people. Gage: You're one twisted sister, you know that? Cam told me about your games. Go find someone else to harass. He bumps her as he walks past her and out of the Bronze. Buffy sighs and looks down in defeat. Cut outside the Bronze. Gage comes striding out. Gage: What a psycho bitch, man. Angelus comes out from behind a pile of crates. Angelus: Gotta be talking about Buffy. Gage: (stops and faces him) How'd you know? Angelus: Uh, she and I... had this thing once. Biggest mistake of my life. Gage: Yeah. My condolences, dude. (turns and goes) Angelus: (follows) She's a real head-tripper. Gage: Tell me about it. Girl acts like she's God's gift or something. Angelus: Who is she? The Chosen One? Gage: Exactly. Angelus: You know, what she really needs is for someone to really knock her down off her notches. Gage: Yeah, that'd be sweet. Anyone in mind? Angelus: You're in luck, my friend. Gage turns to look at Angelus and sees that he has disappeared. Angelus: Just so happens... Gage turns back quickly and sees Angelus standing there in front of him in his game face. Angelus: ...I'm recruiting. Gage looks horrified as Angelus grabs him and bites his neck. Gage: No! Buffy strolls out of the Bronze and hears Gage's screams. Gage: Ah! Somebody! Help! Ah! Help! Ah! Ah! Get him off me! Help! Ah! She rushes to his aid. Cut to Angelus. He drops Gage and begins to spit out his blood. He wipes his mouth and spits some more. Buffy comes running around the corner, and just as he looks up she does a roundhouse kick to his face. He isn't fazed, and just looks at her. She pulls out the stick holding her hair up and holds it ready to stake him as her hair falls down around her face. Angelus: Why, Miss Summers! You're beautiful! He quickly bends down, picks Gage up and throws him at her, knocking her to the pavement. He spits a few more times and leaves smiling. Buffy scrambles to her feet and watches him go. Gage gets up also and rubs his neck. Gage: Oh. Was that the thing that k*lled Cameron? Buffy: No. That was something else. Gage: (confused) S-something else? Buffy: Yeah. Unfortunately, we have a lot of something elses in this town. Good night. (goes) Gage looks back and forth between Buffy and the direction Angelus went. Gage: Hey! Buffy stops and looks back at him. He goes over to her. Gage: (laughs nervously) Walk me home? She motions for him to follow, and they leave. Cut to the pool at Sunnydale High School. Six members of the swim team are on the blocks ready to start a heat. Coach Marin: Swimmers! Take position! They all bend down to dive in. The coach blows his whistle, and they're off. He walks along the edge of the pool past the stands as they swim. Willow, Buffy and Cordelia are watching from the stands. In the middle of the pool Gage stops, stands up and lifts off his goggles. Coach Marin: Keep the stroking up. Alright. Keep it going, keep it going all the way to the end. All the way to the end. Breathe deep. Gage sees Buffy in the stands and waves to her. The coach blows his whistle. Buffy waves back to Gage discreetly, but Willow notices and gives her a smile. Buffy looks back at her with a smile. Coach Marin: Gage! You with us or not? (Gage swims off) C'mon, let's go! Cordelia: (to Buffy) So he spit it out? I thought Angel liked blood. Buffy: He used to. Willow: Maybe his eyes were too big for his stomach. Buffy: Or maybe there was something in Gage's blood that Angel didn't like. Say, for example, steroids. Willow: That would explain all their behavioral changes. Cordelia: And their winning streak. Willow: So maybe whatever's in their blood is what's attracting this creature to them. Buffy: Any luck researching our fish monster? Cordelia: Zippo. We couldn't find any sea demon that matched the description that Xander gave us. Not that Chicken Little's much of a witness, but... Her eye is caught by a swimmer coming out of the locker room. Cordelia: Oh. The camera cuts to a sh*t of the swimmer's knees and pans up along his athletic legs, past his crimson Speedo's and tight abs and up to his hairless chest. Cordelia: Oh! Oh, my! Now, that, girls, is my kind of... The camera reaches the swimmer's face. Willow: Xander? (stares in wide-eyed shock) Cordelia: (shocked) Xander?! When he hears their voices he scrambles over to a pile of kickboards, grabs the one off the top and hides himself behind it. The girls all get up and come down from the stands. Xander scrambles over to them. Cordelia: What the hell are you doing here? Xander: Shh! I'm undercover. Buffy: Not under much. (grins) Cordelia: Get out of here before someone sees you impersonating a member of the swim team! Xander: I don't do impersonations. I tried out for the team last night. I made it. Cordelia: (intrigued) Really? Xander: Yeah. I figured I can keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can't. Willow: (eyes wide) When you're nude? (gets a nudge from Buffy) I-I meant to say 'changing'. Coach Marin: Harris! You can flirt on your own time! Xander: Okey-dokey, coachie. He backs away and goes to join the rest of the team, covering his butt with his free hand. He lamely tosses the kickboard back onto the pile, but it just falls off. He reaches the others and listens in on what the assistant swim coach is saying. Cordelia: (smiles proudly) I'm dating a swimmer from the Sunnydale swim team! Buffy: You can die happy. She and Willow watch as Xander gets up on a starting block and puts on his swim cap. Buffy: (to Willow) What about Jonathon? Is he involved? Willow: Oh, no. He just... sort of... peed in the pool. Buffy: Oh. The girls look back at Xander to watch as he dives in. His dive is a bit sloppy, but not at all bad. The girls all look on in wide-eyed shock as they realize what he just dove into. Buffy: (cringes) Oh! Cut to the steam room after practice. The camera looks in through the window from the locker room. Xander joins the others and finds an available spot. Xander: Don't you guys get claustrophobic in here? (sits) I mean, what's the deal? You perspire a lot. You can't breathe. O-or read. I mean, I guess you could, but the pages would probably get all wet. The camera pans down from the window to a grate in the floor of the locker room. Several green, clawed fingers poke through and lift up the grating. Cut to the halls outside of the locker room. Buffy waits for Xander and Gage to come out. She leans against the wall and exhales. A moment later Xander comes out with a towel over his head, rubbing his hair dry. Xander: You gotta love this undercover deal. Twenty minutes in a hot room with a bunch of sweaty guys... Buffy: Where's Gage? Xander: I don't know. He was right behind me, putting his sneakers on. But it's not the Velcro kind, so give him a couple of extra minutes. (taps her on the shoulder) Tag. You're it. (leaves) Buffy sighs and resigns herself to waiting. Cut to the locker room. Gage is tying his shoes on a changing bench. He sniffs, smelling something foul. He sniffs at his own armpits to see if it isn't himself he smells. It's not, and he gets up to investigate. He walks through the locker room looking around, passing the steam room and the whirlpool bath. The smell gets stronger as he goes down a row of lockers. He sniffs deeply outside of one and opens it. Cut to the hall. Buffy is still waiting for Gage to come out. Suddenly she hears him scream. Gage: OH, MY GOD! She wastes no time running into the locker room. Cut to the locker room. One of the monsters stands before Gage. It roars as he screams. Gage: Help me! Help me! Ah! Help me! Buffy comes rushing in and pushes the terrified Gage away from the monster. The creature roars, and Buffy confronts it with a look of disgust, but it just stands there and doesn't move to att*ck her. Behind her Gage has collapsed to the floor and continues to scream, not in fear anymore but instead in agony, and writhes on the floor in pain. Buffy looks back at Gage, concerned. Buffy: Gage? He reaches out to her for help, but can't get up and continues to convulse. Buffy takes a step closer, but then stops and stares at him in shock. He has managed to get to his knees and pulls open his shirt. Then he grabs at his chest and begins to tear open his skin. Beneath is the chest of another monster. Gage holds up his hand and watches as the skin tears along the back and a green, clawed hand emerges. Buffy takes a quick look behind her at the other monster, but it's not advancing, so she turns back to Gage and continues to watch, dumbfounded. The monster that was Gage now stands up, and what's left of Gage's clothes and skin fall away from him. Buffy stares up at it in horror and starts to back off. It roars, advances on her and takes a swipe at her with its sharp claws. The first monster advances on her from behind now, and she finds herself trapped between them. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The boys' locker room. Buffy is trapped between the two sea creatures. She does a roundhouse kick to the one behind her and uses her angular momentum to follow up with a high kick to the other one, knocking it to the floor. She grabs a trashcan and throws it at the first one, but it just deflects the can. Buffy grabs a mop leaning against the wall and thrusts it at the second monster as it gets up, spins around with it to h*t the first one in the face, knocking it down, and then jabs the other one again in the side. It is momentarily stunned, and Buffy follows up with another swing of the mop to its back and a kick to its chest, making it fall to the floor. The first creature is back up, grabs Buffy from behind, turns her around and sinks its sharp teeth deeply into her arm. She screams out in pain. The monster shoves her away into a bank of lockers, and she falls to the floor. Coach Marin suddenly appears and quickly helps her to her feet. The two monsters give up the fight and launch themselves across the floor and slide one after the other into the still-open grate. Cut to the school nurse's office. She finishes bandaging Buffy's arm. Giles and the coach are standing behind her by the window. Nurse Greenleigh: I don't think that this is going to need stitches, but you might wanna have your family physician take a look at it. (walks off) Giles: (approaches Buffy) How are you? Buffy: I'm definitely feeling the burn. Giles: (to Coach Marin) Well, the, uh, good news is that it would appear that none of your team actually died. Buffy: But the bad news is... they're monsters. Coach Marin: How could this happen? Giles: Are you saying you don't know? Coach Marin: Well, you work so hard, you start to win suddenly. You think it's just you. You're inspiring the boys to greatness. But in the back of your mind, you start to wonder. Giles: You never asked any of the boys if they were taking anything? Coach Marin: Maybe I was afraid to. Buffy and Giles exchange a look. Cut to Willow's classroom. She, Buffy and Xander are at the computer surfing through the school medical files. Buffy: There. Willow: Dodd McAlvy: torn tendon. Gage Petronzi: fractured wrist, depression, headaches. Buffy: It's all there in the school medical records. Willow: All symptomatic of steroid abuse. Xander: But is steroid abuse usually linked with, 'hey, I'm a fish'? Willow: There must be something else in the mix. But the point is, these boys were obviously drugged. Buffy: And Nurse Greenleigh treated every one of them. She must have known. Willow: If steroids are that dangerous, why would they do that to themselves? Buffy: They needed to win. And winning equals trophies, which equals prestige for the school. You see how they're treated. It's been like that forever. Xander: Sure. The discus throwers got the best seats at all the crucifixions. Buffy: Meanwhile, I'm breaking my nails every day battling the forces of evil, and my French teacher can't even remember my name. Xander: So what's the drill? Get Nurse Greenleigh? Willow: (stands up) (sternly) Let's throw the book at her! Buffy: She probably went home for the day. I think it can wait. Xander, why don't you see if you can find out what these boys are taking, or at least how they're taking it? Powders, pills, syringe? Xander: I'm Lookin'-Around Guy. Willow: What about you? Buffy: Giles loaded up the tranquilizer g*n. We're going fishing. Cut to the sewers. It's dark and very wet. Buffy comes around a corner with a flashlight, scanning as she goes. Behind her Giles follows with his dart g*n held ready. They hear a noise ahead of them, and Giles raises the g*n to take aim. Buffy shines the flashlight, and they see it was only a rat. She puts her hand on his arm to stop him, and he lowers the r*fle. They continue on and come to an intersection in the tunnels. Buffy shines her light down one of them, and gestures to Giles that they should go that way. She takes another quick look in the other directions and begins down the adjacent tunnel. Giles looks around again also, and then follows Buffy. They both walk down past the camera, then it focuses on the tunnel opposite the direction they came, and one of the creatures pokes its head around the corner to watch them as they go around a corner further down the tunnel. Cut to the boys' steam room. The entire swim team is relaxing in the fog. Xander: I feel good! Lovin' the swimmin'. Had some carrot juice this morning... A little wheat germ mixed in with it. Woke me right up. Nothin' like it, huh? Breakfast of state champions. You betcha. Okay. So... when do we get our next dose? Sean: What do you mean? Xander: Who's carrying? I need a little something to improve my performance. Give me an edge. Rrr! (chuckles) Sean just looks away. Xander: The steroids. Where are they? Sean: (chuckles) You're soakin' in it, bud. Xander: Huh? Sean: (inhales deeply and exhales) Aromatherapy. It's in the steam. Xander gives him a stunned look. Cut to the pool. The nurse follows the coach at a brisk pace. Nurse Greenleigh: This has *got* to stop, Carl. Those poor children. Coach Marin: What, are you a quitter? We got no room for quitters on *this* team. Nurse Greenleigh: Do you even understand what's happening? Listen to yourself. Coach Marin: I'm very close to perfecting this. We just need to adjust the mix. They head down some stairs to the pool equipment room below. Nurse Greenleigh: Carl. You can't be thinking of continuing to expose these boys. Coach Marin: They're gonna be the best. I don't accept anything less. Nurse Greenleigh: They're gonna be monsters. Carl, please. Don't make it any worse. You've already lost three. The coach stops and looks at the nurse. Coach Marin: Lost? Why, they're not lost. He grabs her by the arms, pulls her around and shoves her down into a hole to a pool of water in the sewers below. She screams as she falls. The water is not deep, and she quickly gets to her feet, wipes the water from her eyes and looks up at him through the hole. Nurse Greenleigh: Carl! What are you doing?! Coach Marin: I'm just lookin' after my boys. They may be out of the game right now, but they're still a team. And a team's gotta eat. He lifts the grating back into place. Nurse Greenleigh: Carl! Coach Marin: You quitter. He stands there to watch. Nurse Greenleigh looks around and begins to panic. Suddenly she screams and gets pulled under the water. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Xander paces. Giles gets up from cleaning his glasses and heads for the table, where Willow and Buffy are sitting. Cordelia is on the stairs to the mezzanine level behind the table. Giles: They're absorbing the steroid mixture through the steam. Xander: (follows him) Not they. We. Me! We have to find an antidote, don't you think? The clock is ticking, people! Buffy: I wouldn't break out the tartar sauce just yet. I mean, it's not like you were exposed more than once. (gets a worried look from Xander) Twice? Xander: Three times a Fish Guy. (crosses his arms) Buffy and Willow: Oh... Cordelia: Whoa. Xander: What am I gonna do? Cordelia: You, you, you. What about me? It's one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the creature from the Blue Lagoon. Xander: (paces over to her) Black Lagoon. The creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields. And thank you *so* much for your support! (sits by her) Buffy: (quietly to Giles and Willow) I think we'd better find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with their inner halibut. Giles: Yes. Yes, good. Uh, we also need to know exactly what's in this, this steroid gas so that the hospital's toxicology lab can develop an antidote. Willow: (stands up) Well, I'll talk to Nurse Greenleigh. Buffy: You're really getting into this interrogation thing. Willow: The trick is not to leave any marks. (leaves) Buffy: (gets up) On that note, I think I'm gonna go have a little talk with our coach. Somehow, I doubt all he's been giving these boys is inspiration. (leaves) Cut to the pool equipment room. The coach leads Buffy to the same hole through which he shoved Nurse Greenleigh. Coach Marin: You got some imagination, missy. Buffy: Oh, well right now, I'm imagining you in jail. You're wearing a big, orange suit, and, oh, look, the guards are beating you up. Coach Marin: You don't have any proof. Buffy: (stops following) (sternly) Tell me what's in the steam. Coach Marin: (faces her) After the fall of the Soviet Union, documents came into light detailing experiments with fish DNA on their Olympic swimmers. Tarpon... mako, shark... But they couldn't crack it. Buffy: And you did... sort of. Why? Coach Marin: What kind of question is that? For the win! To make my team the best they could be! Do you understand we have a sh*t at the state championship? Buffy: Do you understand that I don't care? It's over. There's not gonna be any swim team. Coach Marin: Boy, when they were handin' out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you? Buffy: No. I was in the line for shred of sanity. The coach reaches into the desk behind him and pulls out a Beretta 9mm semi-a*t*matic p*stol. He pulls back the hammer and points the g*n at Buffy. Buffy: Which you obviously skipped. Coach Marin: Get in the hole! (indicates with the g*n) Buffy looks down at the hole and back up at the coach. Coach Marin: In! Now! She sits down on the edge with her legs dangling in and looks up at him. Buffy: This isn't over. Coach Marin: In! She gives him one last look and drops herself into the water below. It's about a fifteen-foot drop, so she submerges completely and comes back up soaked through and wiping the water from her eyes. She looks up at the coach leaning over the hole. Coach Marin: You think I don't care about my boys. But I do. They count on me. Buffy understands now, and looks around for the monsters. When she turns back around she screams at the sight of what's left of Nurse Greenleigh's body as it floats by. She looks back up at the coach. Buffy: So, what, you're just gonna feed me to 'em? Coach Marin: Oh, they've already had their dinner. But boys have other needs. Cut to the pool. Xander and Cordelia come walking in looking for other members of the swim team. Xander is rubbing his neck, expecting to find gills growing there. Cordelia: No one. Willow and Giles must've rounded up the rest of the swim team. Xander: Does my neck look scaly to you? Cordelia: Well, of course it looks scaly, the way you've been rubbing it dry like an idiot. Xander: I need to look in a mirror. Wait here. But feel free to come in if you hear me scream. He runs off into the locker room. Cordelia keeps walking around the pool. She hears a door close and glances behind her, but sees no one. She continues along the side of the pool. She hears a door open, and assumes it's Xander. Cordelia: Any gills yet? Behind her a creature comes in and jumps into the pool. She looks into the pool, but at first can't make out the monster because of the splash on the surface. Cordelia: Xander, what are you doing? (giggles) Xander? The creature swims beyond the splash, and Cordelia can see it clearly now. Cordelia: Oh, my God! Xander! She walks along the edge of the pool, following the monster as it swims under water. Cordelia: (very upset) It's me, Cordelia? I know you can't answer me, but... God, this is all my fault. You joined the swim team to impress me. You were so courageous. And you looked really hot in those Speedo's. (chuckles) And I want you to know that I still care about you, no matter what you look like. And... and we can still date. Or, or not. I mean... I understand if you wanna see other fish. (crouches by the edge) I'll do everything I can to make your quality of life better. Whether that means little bath toys or whatever. Xander walks up behind her. Xander: Uh, Cordy? Cordelia spins around quickly, startled, and draws a frightened breath. Xander: (points into the pool) That's not me. They both look at the creature. It suddenly makes a lunge for them from the water, and Cordelia screams. Xander pulls her up and away, and they run from the pool area. Cordelia: Oh, my God! Cut to the library. Giles leads the other swim team members into the cage. Giles: I-in you go. They are all a bit confused, but obey none the less. Giles: Stay calm, chaps. (closed the door) Either we'll find an effective antidote, or, or, uh... S-stay calm. (goes to Willow) Willow: Everyone's accounted for except Sean. Xander and Cordelia come into the library. Cordelia: I think we can safely say we've found Sean. He was in the pool skinless-dipping. Xander: Where's Buffy? Willow: She hasn't come back yet. Cut to the sewers. The camera pans around the pool of water. One of the monsters pokes its head out of the water behind a pillar and observes Buffy. The camera continues until it stops on her. Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs: that I did it with the entire swim team. Another one of the creatures pokes its head up to look at Buffy. She makes a tentative jump to see about getting out of there. She hears them growl, and looks around. The one by the pillar submerges again and begins to swim. Buffy looks into the water to try to see where they are. Cut underwater. One of them swims right past her legs. She sees its head emerge further away from her, and draws a frightened breath. Cut to the pool equipment room. Xander walks in and spots the coach leaning over the hole and gloating. Xander: What's up, coach? Coach Marin: (looks back, startled) Oh! Harris. Uh... (stands up) how you feelin'? Xander: Little dry. Nothing a lemon butter sauce won't cure. They both chuckle nervously. Xander: Where's Buffy? The coach's eyes focus on his g*n laying on a barrel just behind Xander. Cut to below. Buffy keeps looking for the sea monsters. One suddenly rises up behind her and lunges at her. She quickly grabs it and throws it aside. Another one comes for her, and she deflects it into the wall, but loses her balance and falls underwater. One grabs her leg, and she kicks out. She grabs it and throws it off of her. Standing again, she grabs another one's arm as it att*cks her and flips it over into the wall. Cut above. Coach Marin makes a grab for his g*n, but Xander grabs his arm, pounds it into the barrel and makes him drop it. He elbows the coach in the face, who falls over unconscious. Cut below. Buffy knocks and flips the monsters away as they each come for her in turn. Soon they've had enough, and the three of them surround her and slowly close in. Cut above. Xander steps over to the hole and looks down. When he sees what's going on below he quickly lies down and reaches into the hole with his arm. Xander: Buffy, hurry! Your hand! Buffy looks up and sees him there. She takes a breath, crouches down into the water and leaps up the ten feet to grab Xander's hand. Xander: Hold on! He starts to pull for all he's worth. Below the creatures paw at Buffy's legs, trying to pull her back down. Two of them grab hold, and she kicks and flails to shake them off. The monsters can't keep hold of her, and fall into the water. Buffy: Pull! Xander: Hold on! He pulls again, but he's not as strong as he thinks and it goes slowly. One of the monsters leaps up and grabs Buffy's leg again. She kicks it with her free leg and it goes tumbling down. Xander pulls again as Buffy raises her legs up out of the creature's reach. Slowly she emerges from the hole and climbs onto the floor, coughing and panting. Buffy: Thanks. Xander: Just doin' my part for our team. Behind him the coach has regained consciousness, and hits Xander across the back with a large pipe wrench. Buffy: Oh! He starts to take a swing at Buffy with it, too, but she ducks away and trips him with her leg. He falls and screams as he rolls into the hole. Buffy reacts fast and grabs his ankle. Coach Marin: Don't let go! Don't let go of me! Hold me! Buffy can't maintain her grip, and he falls into the water below. The coach stands up in the water, shaking it out of his face and coughing. Buffy: (reaches down) Grab my hand! He's too busy being worried about his sea monsters surrounding him to listen to what Buffy is saying. Coach Marin: Boys! Boys, uh, now, now, boys! No! I... They att*ck him. Coach Marin: No, boys! He screams and struggles as they pull him under. Buffy pulls her arm back up. Buffy: Those boys really love their coach. Cut to the school lounge. Willow and Buffy are sitting on one of the couches opposite Xander and Cordelia on the other. Xander: Let's see. I gotta take a make-up chem test at three. And then I'm meetin' some of the guys for plasma transfusions at five. It's turned into quite the busy afternoon. Buffy: The fun never stops with you, does it? Willow: Giles seems pretty confident that the treatments are gonna work. Xander: Well, turning into a creepy-crawly wasn't on my top ten list of things to do before I turn twenty. Cordelia: (to Xander) I want you to know that you've really proven yourself to me. And you don't have to join the new team next year if you don't want. I'd be just as happy if you played football. (smiles) Buffy and Willow exchange an amused look. Giles comes up the steps to them. Giles: The... people from animal control have just left. Our creatures have apparently made a, a dash for it. Um... so to speak. Willow: Does that mean we're gonna have to hunt them again? Buffy: No, I don't think so. I don't think we'll be seeing them anymore. Giles: Where do you think they'll go? Buffy: Home. Cut to the beach. The camera pans over the waves rolling in. The three monsters are in the surf and begin to swim out to sea.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x20 - Go Fish"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. A town square in Galway, Ireland, 1753. The camera looks straight down from above onto the cobblestones. A lone rider on his horse passes underneath, and the camera follows them past a well as Angelus narrates. Angelus: There's moments in your life that make you, that set the course of who you're gonna be. Sometimes they're little, subtle moments. Sometimes... they're not. I'll show you what I mean. The horseman continues past a tavern on the far side of the square. The door opens, and a young drunk Angel and his drunk friend are thrown out. Angel: (with an Irish accent) We'll be back when we've found a bit more cash money! Keep the girls warm! The tavern proprietor slams the door shut, and Angel pounds on it a couple of times. Angel's friend: (moans) Let's go. Angel staggers back over to him and puts his arm around him. They begin to walk with a definite sway in their step. Angel: Come on. We'll sneak in and take some of me father's silver. He'll never miss it. He eats with his hands, the pig. His friend is too drunk to go on, and faints d*ad away, falling out of Angel's arm to the pavement. Angel looks down at him. Angel: Ah. Why don't you rest right here. He takes a look around and spots a noble lady in a fancy period dress standing in an alley beyond an archway. The woman gives a slight backward glance to be sure she has his attention, and starts to walk further into the alley, disappearing around a corner from Angel's view. He follows her. Cut to the alley. The woman continues her slow pace and looks up when Angel comes through the archway and begins to speak. As she gets closer to the camera it becomes clear that the woman is Darla. Her long curly blonde hair is very nicely coiffed. Angel: So, I'd ask myself... What's a lady of your station doing alone in an alley with the reputation that this one has? Darla: (still facing away) Maybe she's lonely. Angel: In that case, I'd offer myself as escort to protect you from harm and to while away the dull hours. Darla: You're very gracious. Angel: Hm. It's often been said. Darla: (turns to face him) Are you certain you're up to the challenge? Angel: (approaches her) Milady, you'll find that with the exception of an honest day's work, there's no challenge I'm not prepared to face. He stops in front of her and looks into her eyes. Angel: Oh... But you're a pretty thing. Where are you from? Darla: (smiles) Around. Everywhere. Angel: I never been anywhere myself. Always wanted to see the world, but... Darla: I could show you. (smiles) Angel: Could you, then? Darla: Things you've never seen, never even heard of. Angel: Sounds exciting. Darla: It is. And frightening. Angel: I'm not afraid. Show me. Show me your world. Darla: (closes her eyes) Close your eyes. Angel follows her example. The camera follows her hand as she puts it on his shoulder, and continues up to show her face vamped out. She smiles, lets out a low growl and opens wide as she leans in to bite him. When he feels the pain his eyes open wide, and he gasps. He can't keep steady, and sinks to his knees. Darla lets go of her bite, revealing his bloody neck, and stands up straight. She lifts her hand to her chest and draws a sharp fingernail across the skin above her breasts, allowing blood to trickle out. She grabs him by the back of the neck and pulls him in to her bosom so that his lips fall directly onto the cut, forcing him to taste of her blood. He puts his arms around her and drinks. Cut to the cemetery in Sunnydale, 1998. Angelus walks through carefully and quietly while watching Buffy fight a pair of vampires nearby. He sees her kick one and then the other, and then continues on to a better vantage point. One of the vampires rushes Buffy, and she flips him over onto his back. Buffy: Nice try. The other one comes at her again with a swing. She ducks it and punches him in the face, in the gut and again in the face. He falls to the ground, dazed. The first one comes at her again with a kick, but she blocks it with her arm, backhand punches him in the face, jabs him in the gut and grabs his arm, twisting it up high and forcing him to his knees in pain. Angelus looks on from behind a tree and smiles. The second vampire gets back up and rushes her. Without letting go of the first one she cleanly jams her stake into the other one's chest, and he crumbles into ashes. Angelus can't help but snicker. Buffy turns her attention back to the one she's holding and punches him in the face, making him roll away. Buffy: I want you to get a message to Angel for me. Tell him I'm done waiting. I'm taking the fight to him. Angelus smiles as he listens. Buffy: You got that? Need me to write it down for you? The vampire gets up and charges her. She grabs him and pulls him around and down to the ground, and immediately plunges her stake home. He bursts into ashes. Buffy: Alright, I'll tell him myself. She gets up and walks over behind a gravestone, where she reaches down to help someone up. Xander: (moans) I'm good. Don't worry about me. (rubs his neck) Buffy: You know, you don't have to patrol with me. Xander: (indicates the pile of ash) I had that guy under control until he resorted to fisticuffs. (cranes his neck) Oh! What is that, um... five vampires in three nights? Buffy: Yep. But no Angel. Xander: Are you, uh, really that anxious to come up against him? Buffy: I want it over with. Xander: (nods) I hear that. Buffy: Oh, we better go. (exhales) I haven't even started studying for finals yet. (starts to go) Xander: (joins her) Oh, yeah, finals! Why didn't you let me die? Buffy: Ah, look on the bright side. It'll all be over soon. They leave the cemetery under the watchful eyes of Angelus. Angelus: Yes, my love. It will. He smirks and turns to leave the other way. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The research lab at the Sunnydale Museum of Natural History. The camera pans across a large rectangular chunk of rock over to a technician. She is carefully cleaning off a section of the rock. She lets a jet of compressed air blow away some dust. A moment later she lets another jet go, and then reaches up with a brush and runs it across the rock. Dr. Doug Perren, one of the museum curators, comes over to check her progress. Doug: Careful, now. (points) Concentrate in this area. (watches her work a moment) There you go. The door opens behind him, and he turns to see Giles come in. Giles: Hello? Doug: (comes to greet him) Rupert Giles? Giles: Yes. Doug: Doug Perren. (shakes his hand) Thanks for coming. Giles: Oh, not at all. It's... flattered to be asked. Doug: I spoke with Lou Tabor at the Washington Institute, and he told me we had the best authority on obscure relics right here in Sunnydale. Giles: Oh... (laughs) He may have, uh, exaggerated a little. (sees the obelisk) Ah, is this the... Doug: This is our baby. (they approach it) Construction workers dug it up outside of town. Don't have a clue what it is. Any ideas? Giles: (touches and looks at the rock) A few. None I'd care to share until I can verify. (notices the runes on it) You have, uh, carbon dated it? (inspects the writings) Doug: The results'll be back in a couple of days. I'll go out on a limb and say old. Giles: (smirks) Um, yes, it, it certainly... (picks up a jar and a scraper) predates any, uh... settlements we've read about. (points) Um, may, may I? Doug: Yeah. Sure. Giles leans in and begins to scrape at the corner of the obelisk, catching the debris in the jar. He digs into an apparent groove. A few scrapes later he stops and taps the scraper clean on the jar. Giles: I assume you've, uh, you haven't tried to open it. Doug: Open it? He leans over to see what Giles has discovered. Doug: Ah, I'll be damned. I figured it was solid. What do you think is in there? Giles: (staring intently) I don't know. Doug: Well... I guess we won't know until we open it up. Giles: (considers) Yes, but could I ask, um... would you wait? I, uh... I'd like to work on translating the text. It-it-it might give us an indication of... what we'll find inside. Doug: You don't want to be surprised? Giles: A-as a rule, no. Doug: Alright. You're the expert. But I'm pretty damn curious, though. Giles: (removes his glasses) Yes. Yes, so am I. Cut to the cafeteria at Sunnydale High. The camera focuses on two fish sticks that Xander is holding, one with a toothpick stuck through the middle. He plays with them like puppets, moving the one with the toothpick around. Xander: Tell Angel I'm gonna k*ll him! No, wait. I'm gonna k*ll you! He starts to repeatedly s*ab the toothpick into the other fish stick. The camera pulls back and up to his face. Xander: Die! Die! Die! He makes an anguished face and lets the fish stick fall. Xander: Aah! (makes a thudding noise) (squeals) Mother! (smiles) Cordelia: Is that it? Xander: Yeah. That's it. (chuckles) Scene! (grins) Cut to Willow, Oz and Buffy at the opposite side of the table. Willow is sitting on Oz's lap. Buffy: That's exactly how it happened. Oz: Well, I thought it was riveting. Uh, I was a little unclear about some of the themes. Buffy: The theme is Angel's too much of a coward to take me on face-to- face. Xander: (still playing with the fish sticks) And the other theme was 'Buy American', but it, uh, got kind of buried. Willow: (to Buffy) Do you think you're ready to fight Angel? Buffy: I wish people would stop asking me that. Yes, I'm ready. I'm also willing and able. Just the one test I might actually pass. Willow: Don't say that! You're gonna pass everything. I will get you through this semester if I have to sweat blood. Xander: Do you think you're likely to? 'Cause I'd like to be elsewhere. Willow: It was only metaphor blood. Oz: I think you'd sweat cute blood. Willow: (gives Oz a smile) (to Buffy) Sixth period, after my computer class, we'll rock on chemistry. Buffy: Ready to rock. Cordelia: Boy, Willow, you've really got the teaching bug: taking over computer class, tutoring... Willow: (smiles widely) I love it. I really do. Cordelia: I think it's great to do that before you go out and fail in the real world. That way you're not falling back on something. You're falling... well, forward. Xander: (rolls his eyes) And almost sixty-five percent of that was actual compliment. Is that a personal best? Cordelia: Gee, Xander, what are you gonna teach when you fail in life? Advanced loser-being? Xander: I will teach... (with a French accent) zee Language of Love! (reaches for her) Cordelia: (fights him off) Don't touch me! You have fish hands! Snyder comes into the cafeteria behind them. Xander: Come, let me caress you! Cordelia: Stop it! Xander: Let me in! Cordelia: No! (laughs) Don't! Snyder: That's enough of that. (to Willow) And you! Are we having a chair shortage? Willow: I didn't read anything about... Oh. (slides off of Oz's lap and into her chair) I get it. Snyder: These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom. Buffy: Yeah! Where they teach lunch. Snyder: (glares at her) Just give me a reason to kick you out, Summers. Just give me a reason. (walks off) Cordelia: How about because you're a tiny, impotent n*zi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu? Buffy: Sums it up. Cordelia: Don't you think? Willow: (smiles) (to Buffy) Do you wanna come by my house tonight and study, too? Buffy: Maybe. I-I do have to patrol. Willow: Again? Do you really expect Angel to turn up tonight? Buffy: No, I don't expect him to. But that's usually when he does. Cut to an abbey in London, 1860. Cut inside the nave. Monks are chanting. Drusilla walks behind the pews toward the confession booths. Before going in she faces the altar, kneels and crosses herself. She looks up briefly before getting back to her feet and going into one of the booths. As she steps in through the curtain an arm juts out of the adjacent one where the priest waits, and muffled noises and struggling can be heard. The arm gets pulled back in as quickly as it appeared. Cut inside the confessional. Drusilla sits down and pulls the scarf from her head. Drusilla: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. In the next booth Angelus is caught by surprise, and drops the d*ad priest. Drusilla: It's been two days since my last confession. (waits for an answer) Father? Angelus: (goes along with it) That's not very long. Drusilla: (with a trembling voice) Oh, Father, I'm so afraid. Angelus: The Lord is very forgiving. Tell me your sins. Drusilla: I had... (breathes deeply) I've been seeing again, Father. Yesterday, the men were going to work in the mine. I had... (shakes) a terrible fright. (draws a frightened breath) My stomach all (draws another) tied up, and I saw this horrible... crash. (calms a bit) My mummy said to keep my peace, it didn't mean nothing. But this morning... they had a cave-in. Two men died. Angelus: Go on. Drusilla: Me mum says... I'm cursed. (exhales) My seeing things is an affront to the Lord, (inhales sharply) that only he's supposed to see anything before it happens. (inhales, sobs) But I don't mean to, Father, I swear! (inhales) I swear! (begins to cry) I try to be pure in his sight. (sobs) I don't want to be an evil thing. Angelus: Oh, hush, child. The Lord has a plan for all creatures. Even a Devil child like you. Drusilla: (taken aback) A Devil? Angelus: Yes! You're a spawn of Satan. All the Hail Marys in the world aren't going to help. The Lord will use you and smite you down. He's like that. Drusilla: (frightened) What can I do? Angelus: Fulfill his plan, child. Be evil. Just give in. Drusilla: No! (sobs) I want to be good. (sobs) I want to be pure. Angelus: We all do, at first. The world doesn't work that way. Drusilla: Father... I beg you... Please... Please, help me. Angelus: Very well. Ten Our Fathers and an Act of Contrition. Does that sound good? Drusilla: (relieved) Yes. (exhales) Yes, Father. Thank you. Angelus: The pleasure was mine. And my child... (raises his hand to the lattice between them) Drusilla: Yes? Angelus: (stares at her) God is watching you. Cut to the atrium at Angelus' mansion, 1998. Drusilla comes down the stairs to the garden below. There Spike sits in his wheelchair and reads the newspaper. Spike: Nice walk, pet? Drusilla: (holds her tummy as though sick) I met an old man. Didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth. (licks her fingers) (faces Spike) But then the Moon started whispering to me... (closes her eyes and leans her head back) All sorts of dreadful things. Angelus walks into the Garden behind Spike. Angelus: Well, what did it say? Spike: Oh. Look who's awake. Angelus bumps Spike's head with his fist as he walks past him. Angelus: What did the Moon tell you? (walks around Dru) Did you have a vision? Is something coming? Drusilla: Oh, yeah. (whispers) Something terrible. Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst... Angelus: Where? Drusilla: At the museum. A tomb... (smiles) with a surprise inside. Angelus: (holds his hand up to her head) You can see all that in your head? Spike: No, you ninny. She read it in the morning paper. (hands over the paper) Angelus: (takes the paper and looks) Oh, my. The headline of the Sunnydale Press reads 'Mysterious Obelisk Unearthed'. The article's subtitle reads 'Excavators Discover Ancient Artifact'. Drusilla: That's what's been whispering to me. Sh. Angelus: Oh, yeah. (to Drusilla) Don't worry, though. Soon it'll stop. (to Spike) Soon it'll scream. He smiles over at Spike. Drusilla waves her head around open-mouthed and playfully snaps at Angelus' cheek. Cut to the computer science classroom after school. Willow is tutoring Buffy in chemistry. Buffy gives up in frustration and slaps down her pencil. Buffy: Waah! This doesn't make any sense. (pouts at Willow) Willow: Well, sure it does. See... (takes the paper and looks) Oh, no, this doesn't make any sense. Buffy: (shrugs) It's senseless. (plays with her pencil) Willow: (encouragingly) It is, but at least you know that, so you're learning. (looks at the problem more closely) Buffy: Yay me. Well, it doesn't matter anyway. I mean, when in the real world am I ever gonna need chemistry or history or math or the English language? Willow: (sh**t Buffy a glance) Okay. I see your problem. Buffy: I'm a moron? Willow: (gives Buffy a look) Will you stop that? You're not stupid! You've just had a lot on your mind. You can learn this real easily, but if you're just gonna give up, then don't waste my time. Buffy: (impressed) Wow. You really *are* a good teacher. (smiles) Willow: Okay. Look at this. A covalent bond, which means these two atoms are linked by this... Buffy puts her pencil down on her open book, and it rolls off of the desk and into the space between it and the filing cabinet next to it. Buffy: Ohh! (moans) Hold that thought. She reaches down and in with her fingers, and pulls the pencil out. In the process she bumps the disk with the pencil so it now leans against the desk instead of the cabinet. Buffy: (sits back up) Okay. I'm Learn Girl. Willow: Okay. (points to the paper) So, see here... Buffy: (has an epiphany) Deja vu. Willow: Really? Buffy: Yeah. I have this perfect memory of the pencil and... She drops the pencil onto her book again. It rolls off of the desk again, falls and hits the disk. She looks over into the space and sees the disk. She reaches down again for it and her pencil. Buffy: Oh, hey. (pulls up the disk and pencil) You dropped this. She hands the unlabeled yellow disk to Willow, who looks at it curiously. Willow: It's not mine. It might be something of Ms. Calendar's. She inserts the disk into her laptop's floppy drive. Buffy: This feels kinda morbid. Willow: (smiles at Buffy) I've gone through most of her files already. Buffy: Does that make it *less* morbid or you *really* morbid? The program on the disk starts up, and the Rumanian text scrolls into the left-hand window. Willow: (sighs) I had to, to teach her class. The translation program's percent complete window appears, and the bar begins to zip across the screen. Buffy: Relax, Will. I was making with the funny. They both watch as the bar reaches the far side. It disappears, and the English translation scrolls into the right-hand window. Buffy: (looks closely) Does that say 'restoration'? (keeps reading) Willow: It's one of her spells, I think. (looks at Buffy) Ms. Calendar wasn't a practicing witch, but she did dabble... Buffy: (interrupts) Willow... (keeps reading) Willow looks back at the screen and begins reading more. She quickly realizes what they've found. Willow: Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. The camera closes in on Buffy. She has stopped reading, and just looks stunned. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ A wood in Rumania, 1898. Angelus runs through the trees, panting in his desperation to reach a gypsy camp. Cut to the camp. The camera pans across the d*ad body of the young Kalderash Gypsy girl that Angelus has recently k*lled. She is on a table dressed in white and lying on an intricately patterned quilt with candles burning around the perimeter. Members of the clan are laying rose petals on her. The camera continues to pan over to the Elder Woman sitting beneath a tent canopy and chanting over an Orb of Thesulah surrounded by candles within a sacred circle. Angelus continues running through the woods as she chants. Elder Woman: Nici mort, nici de-al fiintei, Te invoc, spirit al trecerii. Reda trupului ce separa omul de animal! Translation: Neither d*ad, nor of the living, I invoke you, spirit of the passing. Return to the body what distinguishes Man from the beast! Angelus breaks through the trees into the clearing of the camp. He trips and falls by the great bonfire raging near the center of the camp. Elder Woman: Asa sa fie. Translation: So it shall be. He gets to his hands and knees and looks over at the Elder Woman, still chanting. Cut to the Elder Woman. Elder Woman: Utrespur aceastui. Translation: Restore this one. The glowing Orb suddenly gets very bright for an instant, and then goes dark. Cut to Angelus. His eyes grow bright for a moment, then return to normal, his soul now restored. An elder man of the clan steps up to him as he sits back on his ankles. Gypsy Man: It hurts, yes? Good. It will hurt more. Angel: (confused) Where am I? (pants hard) Gypsy Man: You don't remember... everything you've done for a hundred years. In a moment, you will. The face of everyone you k*lled... our daughter's face... they will haunt you, and you will know what true suffering is. Angel: (still not understanding) k*lled? I, I don't... Slowly the memories come back to him: all the people in Budapest after the earthquake that he and Darla k*lled for their blood; all the people he's turned into demons; the gypsy girl that proved to be his downfall. Angel: No... He looks down away from the man and begins to sob. Angel: No... No... No... He bends down to the ground in sorrow and grief. Cut to the library at Sunnydale High School, 1998. Xander and Cordelia are sitting at the table. Giles walks up to Buffy and Willow. Giles: What are you saying? Buffy: The curse. (holds out a printout) This is it. Willow: Looks like Ms. Calendar was trying to replicate the original curse. To restore Angel's soul again. Giles: (takes the printout, stares at it) She said it couldn't be done. Buffy: Well, she tried anyway. And it looks like it might have worked. Xander: So he k*lled her... before she could tell anyone about it. What a prince, huh? (looks away) Cordelia: This is good, right? I mean, we can curse him again. Buffy paces, thinking. Giles: Um, well, this, um... certainly points the way, but... the ritual itself requires a greater knowledge of the black arts than I, I, I can claim. Willow: Well, I've been going through her files and, and researching the black arts, for fun, or educational fun, and I may be able to work this. Giles: (very concerned) W-Willow... channeling... such potent magicks through yourself, it could open a door that you may not be able to close. Buffy: I don't want you putting yourself in any danger, Will. Willow: And I don't want danger. Big 'no' to danger, but I may be the best person to do this. Xander: Hi! For those of you who have just tuned in, (gets up) everyone here is a crazy person. (walks to the end of the table) So this spell might restore Angel's humanity? Well, here's an interesting angle. (harshly) Who cares? Buffy: I care. Xander: (not surprised) Is that right. Giles: Let's not lose our perspective here, Xander. Willow looks at Xander, disbelieving what she's hearing from him. Xander: (standing his ground) I'm Perspective Guy. Angel's a k*ller. Willow: Xander... Buffy: It's not that simple. Xander: (disgusted) What? All is forgiven? I can't believe you people! Cordelia: (gets up) Xander has a point. Xander: (to Cordelia, in a raised voice) You know, just for once, I wish you'd support me, and I realize right now that you were, and I'm embarrassed, so I'm gonna get back to the point, (to the others) which is that Angel needs to die. Giles: Curing Angel seems to have been Jenny's last wish. Xander: Yeah? Well, Jenny's d*ad. Giles: (approaches Xander angrily) Don't you *ever* speak of her in that tone again! Xander: (yells back) Can't you hear what I'm saying? They begin to argue heatedly. Buffy rushes over and gets between them. Buffy: Stop it! Stop it! They all shut up and glare at each other for a moment. Buffy turns away and goes over to Willow, very upset. Giles paces away, also very upset. Willow: (quietly) What do you wanna do? Buffy: (sighs) (quietly) I-I don't know. What happened to Angel wasn't his fault. Xander: Yeah, but what happened to Ms. Calendar is. Buffy and Willow stare at him in disbelief. Xander: (very coldly) You can paint this any way you want. But the way I see it is that you wanna forget all about Ms. Calendar's m*rder so you can get your boyfriend back. Buffy refuses to listen to any more of this, and walks out of the library. Willow and Giles just stare at Xander in surprise and shock. He walks back to his chair at the table. Cut to the museum research lab. Dr. Perren is going over his notes when he hears some whispering coming from behind him. He turns around to look, but no one's there. Doug: Hello? He gets up and slowly walks over to the obelisk. The whispering gets louder as he nears it. He reaches up to the runes on the face of the rock and touches them. The whispering seems to be coming from inside. He places his hand flat on the face of the rock and stares up at it in amazement. Suddenly Drusilla wraps her hand around his mouth from behind and pulls his head back to expose his neck. She leans in and bites him hard as he struggles to get away. Behind her Angelus and two other vampires approach the obelisk. Angelus: I'll have one of these to go. The two vampires walk around the rock with some rope and tools to haul it away. Angelus: Dru... She jerks her head up from her victim and turns her eyes toward him, growling and smiling a most evil smile. Angelus: Save me some. Cut to Buffy's room at home. She piles a bunch of stakes and crosses into her bag while talking on the phone with Willow. Buffy: Well, I'll do a couple of sweeps, and then I'll stop by. (listens) Yeah, Xander was pretty much being a... Willow! Where did you learn that word? My God. You kiss your mother with that mouth? She goes over to her desk while listening to Willow talk some more. She grabs a couple more stakes from the top left drawer. Buffy: I don't know. I don't know what I wanna do. At the bottom of the drawer she sees the claddagh ring that Angel gave her, and stares at it sadly for a moment. She reaches in for it and holds it gently with her fingers, remembering. Buffy: I'll, I'll see you in a little while, okay? She turns off the phone and sets it down. She holds the ring with both hands again and gazes at the design: two hands for friendship, a crown for loyalty and a heart for love. Cut to the park. Buffy walks through on patrol and heads into some bushes. She stops and jerks her head aside when she hears something snap. Slowly she takes a few more steps to investigate. She hears another sound behind her, and spins around to look. Nothing. Again she takes a couple of steps. Suddenly Kendra comes out of the bushes to stand right behind her. Buffy instantly pivots around with her fist held up, ready to punch. She stays herself when she recognizes the other girl. Buffy: (exhales) You know, polite people call before they jump out of the bushes and att*ck you. Kendra: (in her accent) Just wanted to test your reflexes. Buffy: How about testing my face-punching? 'Cause I think you'll find it's improved. Kendra: I was on my way to your house. Saw you walking. Couldn't help meself. Buffy: (smiles) Which begs the question, and don't think I'm not glad to see you, but, why are you here? (Kendra starts to answer) Oh, wait. No, let me guess. Your watcher informed you (imitating her accent) dat a very dark power is about to rise in Sunnydale. Kendra: Dat's about it. Buffy: Great. So, you have any idea what this dark power is? Cut to the main hall in Angelus' mansion. He and Drusilla walk in across the marble floor to where Spike is sitting in his wheelchair, staring at the obelisk set in front of the huge fireplace. Spike: (hears them coming) It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big. Angelus: Spike, boy, you never did learn your history. Spike: Let's have a lesson, then. Angelus: Acathla the demon came forth to swallow the world. (strolls to the obelisk) He was k*lled by a virtuous knight who pierced the demon's heart before he could draw a breath to perform the act. Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and was buried (turns to face Spike) where neither man nor demon would want to look. (starts away from the obelisk) Unless of course they're putting up low-rent housing. Boys... The two vampires reach up with crowbars and pry open the tomb. The lid crashes to the floor, stirring up plenty of dust. Inside is a tall, horned, stockily built stone demon with a sword protruding from the right side of its chest. Upon seeing him Drusilla closes her eyes, raises her hands to the sides of her head and begins to sway it back and forth. Drusilla: He fills my head. I can't hear anything else. Spike: Let me guess. Someone pulls out the sword... Angelus: Someone worthy... Spike: Mm. The demon wakes up, and wackiness ensues. Drusilla: (opens her eyes, lowers her arms) He will swallow the world. Angelus: And every creature living on this planet will go to Hell. He walks up to Acathla for a closer look, and turns to face the others. Angelus: My friends... we're about to make history... end. (smiles evilly) ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Giles comes out of his office into the main room where Buffy and Kendra are waiting at the table. Willow is behind the counter, researching in a book. Giles: I've been on the phone to the museum. The artifact in question is missing, and the curator has been m*rder. Vampires. (leans on the table) Buffy: And you're sure this was the tomb of Alfalfa? Giles: Acathla. And yes, the information provided by Kendra's Watcher seems conclusive. He straightens back up. Willow walks out from behind the counter. Willow: Okay, somebody explain the whole 'he will suck the world into Hell' thing, because that's the part I'm not loving. Giles: Well, the, uh, (puts on his glasses) the Demon Universe exists in a dimension separate from our own. (sits on the table) With one breath, Acathla will create a vortex, a-a kind of, um... whirlpool that will pull everything on Earth into that dimension, where any non-demon life will suffer horrible and... eternal torment. Buffy: So that would be the literal kind of 'sucked into Hell'. (smiles nervously) Neat. (frowns, turns to Willow) Willow, I think you should try the curse. Kendra: I tend to side with your friend Xander on this one. Angel should be eliminated. Buffy: Oh, I'll fight him. I'll k*ll him if I have to. But if I don't get there in time, or if I lose, then Willow might be our only hope. Willow: (taken aback) I don't *wanna* be our only hope! Uh, I crumble under pressure! Let's have another hope. Kendra: We have. (pulls a sword from her bag) Blessed by the knight who first slew the demon. (Giles looks at the sword, intrigued) If all else fails, this might stop it. I tink. Giles: (approaches) Ooh. May I? May I? (takes the sword from Kendra) Thank you. Well, l-let's, uh, hope all else doesn't fail. (to Willow) Um, how close are you to f-figuring out the ritual of the curse? Willow: (goes to her pack) I need about a day, and... (picks up some papers and reads) an 'Orb of Thesulah'? Whatever that is. Giles: (hands the sword back to Kendra) Spirit vault for rituals of the undead. (heads toward his office) I've got one. (embarrassed) I-I've been using it as a... paperweight. (disappears into his office) Willow: (to Buffy) This means I can't help you study for tomorrow's final. Buffy: Ah, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to Hell by then, I won't have to take 'em. (worried) Or maybe I'll be taking them forever. Giles: (comes back with the Orb) Angel has a ritual of his own to perform before he can remove the sword and awaken Acathla. With any luck, it should take some time. Buffy stares at the Orb as Giles hands it to Willow. Cut to Angelus' mansion. Spike paces in his room. He hears Drusilla coming. Drusilla: Spike? He quickly gets back into his chair. Drusilla comes through the curtain into the room. Drusilla: Spike, my sweet! The fun's about to begin. He wheels himself out of the room and heads for the main hall. Cut to the main hall before the obelisk. The two vampires drag in a young man, barefoot and bare-chested with his hands tied behind his back. They drop him to the floor before Spike, Angelus and Drusilla. Angelus: (comes toward the young man) I will drink... the blood will wash in me, over me, and I will be cleansed. I will be worthy to free Acathla. (looks at Spike) Bear witness... (looks at Drusilla) as I ascend... (looks ahead and morphs into his game face) as I become. He grabs the man by the hair and lifts him up, holding his head at an angle to expose his neck. He roars and bites the young man hard and fast on the neck. He drinks deeply, brings up his hand to brush it against the man's wound and then lets him fall to the floor d*ad. He looks at the blood on his hand. He lowers it and starts to walk slowly toward Acathla. Angelus: Everything that I am, everything that I have done, has led me here. Cut to Manhattan, 1996. A bum steps up to a trashcan and begins to go through it. A man walks past him and on down the street. Having found nothing, the bum makes his way into an alley with slow, labored steps. A boy runs past him with a package and disappears further down the alley. The bum, tired and weak, staggers into a concrete post at the side of the alley and stops. He coughs and rolls around to lean with his back against the post, and it's Angel, tired, filthy and unkempt. He just breathes for a moment, and then smells something. He searches the alley with his eyes and spots a rat scampering across to the other side. He takes a couple of unsteady steps, brushes the hair from his face and begins to stalk the rat. It reaches the other side and disappears into a pile of trashcans and bags. Angel dives after it, scattering the cans and bags noisily, but loses the rat. A man comes into the alley behind him. Angel rolls over to sit and flails his arms at the trashcans in anger over missing the rat. The man comes up to him. Whistler: God, are you disgusting. Angel calms down a bit and looks around himself. Whistler: This is really an unforgettable smell. This is the stench of death you're giving off here. And the look says, uh... Crazy Homeless Guy. It's not good. Angel: (angrily) Get away from me. Whistler: What are you gonna do, bite me? (gasps and jumps back) Horrors! A vampire! Angel looks at him in surprise. Whistler: Ah, but you wouldn't bite me on account of your poor, tortured soul. It's so sad, a vampire with a soul. It's so poignant. Angel: (confused) Who are you? Whistler: Let's take a walk. Cut to a ways down the street. The two of them walk along the sidewalk for a few paces and then turn into the street to cross to the hotdog stand on the other side. Angel isn't paying any attention to the traffic, so Whistler grabs his arm to stop him. Whistler: What are you eating? (they continue across) Like, a rat once a month? Angel strays and almost walks into another car. Whistler grabs him again and pulls him back in time. Whistler: Hey! (car honks, they continue) Look, you're skin and bones here! Butcher shops are throwing away more blood in a day than you could stand. Good blood. (they reach the far side) You lived in the world a little bit, you'd know that. Angel: I wanna know who you are. (stops) Whistler: (stops and faces him) And I wanna know who *you* are. Angel: You already do. Whistler: Not yet. But I'm looking to find out. 'Cause you could go either way here. Angel: I don't understand you. Whistler: Nobody understands me. That's my curse. (chuckles) He steps over to the street vendor and pulls out some cash. Whistler: Dog me. Mustard. He watches the vendor get out the hotdog and squirt on some mustard. Whistler: (to Angel) My name's Whistler. Vendor: Here you go. Whistler: (takes the dog) Thanks. (hands over a bill, turns to Angel) Anyway, lately it is. (takes a bite) Mm. Angel: (looks down) You're not a vampire. Whistler: A demon... technically. I mean, I'm not a bad guy. Not all demons are dedicated to the destruction of all life. Angel: (looks at him) Whadaya mean, I can go either way? Whistler: I mean that you can become an even more useless rodent than you already are, or you can become someone. A person. Someone to be counted. Angel: I just wanna be left alone. (starts away) Whistler: Well, yeah, you've been left alone for, what, ninety years already. (Angel turns back) And what a package you are. The Stink Guy! Angel: What do you want from me? Whistler: I want you to see something. He gives Angel an intense look. Angel just looks at him. Whistler: We'd have to leave now. You see, and then you tell me what you wanna do. Angel: Where is it? Cut to Hemery High School in Los Angeles, 1996. School is over for the day, and the students come streaming out. An old, rusted Chevy Impala with its windows spray-painted black pulls up on the far side of the street. The driver's window lowers, and Angel squints out into the daylight, careful to remain in shadow. He looks over at the building and sees Buffy come down the steps with three of her friends. Buffy: So I'm like, 'Dad, do you want me to go to the dance in an outfit I've already worn? Why do you hate me?' Girl#1: Is Tyler taking you? Buffy: Where were you when I got over Tyler? He's of the past. (Angel watches her) Tyler would have to crawl on his hands and knees to get me to go to the dance with him. Which, actually, he's supposed to do after practice, so I'm gonna wait. Girl#1: Okay. See ya later. Girl#2: Bye! Buffy: (waves to Girl#1) Call me! Girl#1: Okay! Buffy: (waves to Girl#2) Call me! (waves to Girl#3) Call me! Girl#3: I will! Buffy climbs back up a few steps and looks around. She takes off her jacket and sits down to wait for Tyler. She lays the jacket across her legs and idly looks around again. A man in a black suit approaches her. He is her first Watcher, who has finally found her. Watcher: Buffy Summers? Buffy: (looks at him) Yeah? (smiles) Hi! (confused) What? Watcher: I need to speak with you. Buffy: (worried) You're not from Bullock's, are you? 'Cause I-I meant to pay for that lipstick. Watcher: There isn't much time. You must come with me. Your destiny awaits. Buffy: (confused, shakes her head) I don't have a destiny. (nods) I'm destiny-free, really. Watcher: (seriously) Yes, you have. You are the Chosen One. You alone can stop them. Buffy: Who? Watcher: The vampires. Buffy: (considers for a moment) Huh? Cut to a cemetery. Buffy lands flat on her back. Buffy: Oof! A vampire props himself over her, growling menacingly. She is very frightened, and looks around frantically for what to do. Angel watches from behind some gravestones. Buffy spots her stake, but can't reach it, so she just gets her hands underneath the vampire and pushes him off. He flies off of her and lands hard on his back. Buffy: Oh, God... She rolls onto her hands and knees and scrambles on all fours to retrieve her stake. Buffy: Oh, God... Oh... Oh, God... Unh! She grabs the stake and quickly gets to her feet. She looks at it, unsure of what to do next. The vampire gets up and lunges at her. Reflexively she grabs him, sidesteps him and sends him flipping over to the ground again, dazed. She looks at the vampire, amazed by what she just did. She glances back at the Watcher, down at her stake and then makes her move to dispatch the vampire. She quickly gets to her knees, raises the stake above her head and plunges it into him, but gets him in the gut instead of the chest. Buffy: Oh! Not the heart! Angel watches, concerned. Buffy plunges the stake into the vampire again, and this time hits her mark. An instant later the vampire bursts into ashes. Buffy is caught by surprise, and she screams and jumps back, landing on her butt. She just stares at the ashes on the grass in wide- eyed shock. Behind her the Watcher steps up. Watcher: You see? You see your power? Buffy isn't at all sure she wants to see. Angel continues to watch. Cut to Buffy's house in L.A. The camera looks into her room from outside. Buffy comes in with her mother close behind. Joyce: Why didn't you call? Buffy: (faces her mom) I'm sorry. I-I didn't know it was so late. Tyler and I were talking. Joyce: (exhales) That boy is irresponsible. Buffy: No, mom. It's not his fault. (takes off her jacket) Joyce: You know we worry, that's all. They look at each other for a moment, and Joyce shrugs. Joyce: Dinner's in ten minutes. (leaves) Buffy: (whispers) Yeah. She goes through the other door into her bathroom. The camera pans from the bedroom window over to the bathroom window. She turns on the water to wash up from the cemetery. Her parents talk in the hall, and she can hear as it escalates into an argument. Hank: Did she say where she was? Joyce: She was with Tyler. Hank: I don't want her seeing him anymore, period! Angel looks in at her from outside. Joyce: You're overreacting, dear. Buffy looks at herself in the mirror sadly. The tears begin to come. Hank: Don't do that! Don't talk to me like I'm a kid! Joyce: I don't! Just forget it! Angel continues to watch and listen. Hank: Just because you can't discipline her, I have to be the ogre! Buffy keeps on staring into the mirror. Joyce: I am not having this conversation again! Alright? Buffy looks down and tries hard not to cry. Cut to the sewers. Angel arrives where Whistler is waiting for him. Whistler: She's gonna have it tough, that Slayer. She's just a kid. The world's full of big, bad things. Angel: I wanna help her. (Whistler looks at him) I want... I wanna become someone. Whistler: God, jeez, look at you. She must be prettier than the last Slayer. (Angel looks away) This isn't gonna be easy. The more you live in this world, the more you see how apart from it you really are. (sternly) And this is dangerous work. Right now, you couldn't go three rounds with a fruit fly! Angel: (with resolve) I wanna learn from you. Whistler: Alright. Angel: But I don't wanna dress like you. (starts to leave) Whistler: (follows) Again, you're annoying me. You're lucky we need you on our side. Cut to Angelus' mansion, 1998. He approaches Acathla, still vamped out. Angelus: I have strayed, I have been lost. But Acathla redeems me. With this act, we will be free. He grabs the hilt of the sword with both hands. A blindingly bright light emanates from it. Drusilla smiles and bathes herself in it. Angelus begins to shake with the power of the sword. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ In the main hall of Angelus' mansion. He holds onto the sword tightly, trying to draw it out of Acathla. It won't budge, and a moment later a bright red flame bursts from the sword, throwing Angelus back and onto the floor. Spike: (sing-song) Someone wasn't worthy. Angelus: (scrambles to his feet) Damn it! Drusilla: (freaks out) This is so... disappointing! (moans) Angelus: (paces angrily) There must be something I missed. The incantations, the blood... I don't know! Spike tries hard to suppress a snicker, hiding his mouth with his hand. Drusilla: (whining) What are we going to do? Angelus: (menacingly) What we always do in a time of trouble: turn to an old friend. Hope returns to Drusilla's eyes. Angelus: (viciously) We'll have our Armageddon. I swear! He grabs a vase from a shelf and heaves it at the far wall, smashing it into hundreds of tiny pieces. Cut to class the next day. Willow, Buffy, Xander, Cordelia and the rest of the class are taking one of their final exams. Everyone is intent on it. Buffy looks up and glances around briefly, then turns her attention back on her paper. Cut to the hall. There are very few students. A mysterious figure with a shawl over its head walks slowly toward the room where the team is taking their test. The camera follows. The few students who pass don't take any notice. Cut back to the class. Everyone is concentrating on the test, and no one notices as the vampire comes in and pulls the shawl away from its face. Vampire: Tonight... Sundown... (everyone looks up) At the graveyard... Teacher: (gets up) Excuse me... Exposed now to the daylight, the vampire begins to smoke. Vampire: You will come to him. (takes the shawl off) You will come to him or more will die. She points at Buffy and ignites. Buffy watches, taken aback by the vampire's direct approach at delivering her message. Vampire: Tonight! The students scream, jump out of their chairs and begin to run from the room. Cordelia and Xander also jump up, but don't run. Buffy remains calmly in her seat. Vampire: His hour is at hand! She combusts in a flash of flame and smoke. Buffy just stares at the empty space before her. Cut to the library. Xander, Cordelia and Willow are researching at the table. Kendra approaches with her sheathed sword. The camera pulls back to show Giles and Buffy up on the mezzanine. Buffy: She said more would die. I have to go. Kendra: Den I should go wit you. Buffy: (faces Kendra) No. I need you here just in case. (heads for the stairs) I can take care of myself. And look, (comes down) as long as Angel's fighting me, then he can't do this end-of-the-world ritual thingy, and that's a good. (reaches the table) Will, what do you think? Willow: (looks over her research) I just want to cross-check... Buffy: We don't have time. If this is gonna work, it has to work now. Willow: Okay. Then I need maybe half an hour once we're all set up. Giles: (looks at the shelves) Which means you just have to hold Angel off. Don't let him close on you. (pulls out a book) If the curse succeeds, you'll, you'll know. He tosses the book down to Xander. Xander checks the title, and hands it to Willow. Cordelia: Why don't you just wait here to find out if it worked, see if he phones you? Buffy: I can't risk him k*lling any more people. I better go. (starts out) Xander: Be careful. Buffy: (looks back) I will. (starts out again.) Kendra: Here... She grabs a stake from the table. Buffy stops and looks back. Kendra goes over to her and holds up the twisted but very sharp stake. Kendra: In case de curse does not succeed, dis is my lucky stake. I have k*lled many vampires wit it. I call it Mr. Pointy. Buffy: You named your stake? Kendra: (a bit embarrassed) Yes. Buffy: (smiles) Remind me to get you a stuffed animal. She accepts the stake from Kendra and looks it over. Buffy: Thanks. Kendra: (exhales) Watch your back. Buffy leaves the library. Cut to the cemetery. Buffy walks through, watching all around as she goes. Angelus walks out from behind a small mausoleum. Angelus: Hello, lover. I wasn't sure you'd come. Buffy: After your immolation-o-gram? Come on, I had to show. Shouldn't you be out destroying the world right now, pulling the sword out of Al Franken or whatever his name is? Angelus: There's time enough. I wanted to say goodbye first. You are the one thing in this dimension I will miss. Buffy: This is a beautiful moment we're having. Can we please fight? Angelus: I didn't come here to fight. Buffy: (raises her eyebrows) No? Angelus: Gosh, I was hoping we could get back together. What do you think? Do we have a sh*t? (gets a look from Buffy) Alright. We'll fight. He rushes at her. Cut to the library. Willow is sitting cross-legged on the table. Before her is the Orb of Thesulah within a sacred circle and surrounded by candles, bones and stones. Willow casts some stones. She looks at them and then gives Giles a nod. He opens a book and reads the Latin text. Giles: Quod perditum est, invenietur. Translation: What is lost, return. Cordelia swirls incense into the air while Xander watches. Willow: 'Not d*ad nor not of the living. Spirits of the interregnum I call...' Cut to the graveyard. Buffy ducks a punch from Angelus and comes up behind him. He spins around to block her return swing. He blocks another jab from her, and punches her in the face. He follows up with a left hook, and Buffy loses her balance and nearly falls down. Angelus grabs her by the back of her coat and throws her over onto the grounds. She rolls away and onto her back, and looks up at him. Buffy: Come on, Willow. She swiftly gets back to her feet to continue fighting. Cut to the library. Kendra guards the main doors. Willow: 'Let him know the pain of humanity, gods. Reach your wizened hands to me. Give me the sword...' Suddenly a vampire comes out from the stacks and att*cks Xander from behind. The main doors fly open, and Kendra spins around to defend as two more vampires walk in. Giles points to the steps and yells at the girls as a fourth vampire appears from the stacks. Giles: Get out! Go! Willow and Cordelia make for the stairs. Kendra punches the first of the two vampires to reach her. The fourth one jumps over the mezzanine railing and lands on Giles' back, knocking him into the table. Cordelia and Willow run up the stairs and see Xander elbow the vampire on his back, knocking the demon into a bookcase. Having punched down the one vampire, Kendra grabs the other and shoves her into the wall. The first one gets up and rushes in to fight. Willow runs around behind the stacks to try to escape. Cordelia is frozen in fright. Giles grabs a vase from the table and smashes it over his attacker's head. Xander's assailant rushes him again, but Xander sidesteps him. He spins around, grabs Xander and shoves him into a bookcase. The one down below hops up onto the table, runs across it and leaps over the railing above. Willow sees him coming, and hides behind a bookcase. The vampire doesn't stop and just pushes the case over onto Willow. She falls to the floor, and the books and case land on top of her, knocking her out. The vampire Kendra is fighting ducks her swing. Xander's opponent grabs his arm, loops his own around it tightly and pulls down, breaking it. Xander yells out in pain. Kendra ducks a roundhouse kick from her enemy and blocks several swings. Xander grabs his tormenter's hair and smashes his head down on the railing. Below Giles ducks a swing and punches the vampire in the gut. Kendra lands two punches in the face of her attacker. Giles pounds his assailant on the back, but he just roars and spins around with a punch to Giles' face, knocking him out. Xander picks the dazed vampire up and shoves him into the other one going at Cordelia, knocking him down. Xander: Go! He grabs his broken arm and winces in pain. Cordelia screams and runs out through the stacks. Xander watches Kendra's opponent punch her in the face, but Kendra ducks and backs into her and comes up holding back the vampire's head. She plunges her stake into her heart, and she bursts into ashes. Xander winces again in pain. Willow lies prone under the fallen bookcase. Kendra looks around for her next target. She sees the one going for Giles, and rushes over to pull him off. She shoves him around to the floor. He tries to get up, but she just punches him back down. He tries again, and she grabs him and throws him through the window into Giles' office. Just then another one tackles her from the side. Cut to the cemetery. Buffy punches Angelus, but he takes it in stride. She swings again, but he grabs her arm and holds on tight. She swings with the other one, but he grabs it, too, and then pushes her away. Angelus: Jeez, is it me, or is your heart not in this? Buffy pulls out Kendra's stake. Angelus: Maybe I'll just go home, destroy the world. Buffy: Well, I think Mr. Pointy'll have something to say about that. Come on. Let's finish this. You and me. Angelus: (chuckles) Y-you never learn, do you? This wasn't about you. This was never about you. (chuckles) She realizes the trap was set for the others, and begins to run. Angelus: (smiles) And you fall for it every single time! Cut to the library. A vampire punches Kendra, and she stumbles, but regains her footing. Up in the stacks the other one comes at Xander and punches him in the face, knocking him out. Below Kendra is h*t by a roundhouse kick, and falls. The library doors swing open, and Drusilla walks in. The vampire tries to kick Kendra, but she blocks it and swings out with her leg, tripping him, and gets back to her feet to face the other two, the one that came down from above, the other one now back out of Giles' office. The third one is up again also, and they close in on her, but before any more fighting can ensue Drusilla claps her hands. Drusilla: Enough. She bids Kendra come hither with her waving fingers. The other three just back off. Kendra faces Drusilla, ready to fight. Drusilla walks around her and goads her on. Kendra kicks at her, but Drusilla blocks her easily, as well as two follow-up swings. She punches Kendra and sends her spinning to the floor. Cut to a street. Buffy runs like mad to get to the school. Cut to the library. Drusilla ducks a kick from Kendra and grabs her by the arms. She swings her around and shoves her away. Kendra comes back at her again with a kick to the gut, and Drusilla doubles over for an instant. Kendra lunges at her, but Drusilla grabs her by the throat and forces her back against the counter, gripping hard and choking her. Drusilla: Look at me, Dearie. She waves two extended fingers before Kendra's eyes and begins to hypnotize her. Drusilla: Be... in my eyes. Be... in me. She lets go, and Kendra is completely under her spell. She sways back and forth a bit, and Kendra follows her every move to stay in contact with her eyes. Drusilla backs away slightly, lowering her arms and never losing eye contact. Cut to the park. Buffy races through, leaping a bench as she runs. Cut to the library. Kendra continues to sway with Drusilla. Drusilla extends out the fingers of her right hand at her side. She smiles evilly as she swings her hand up and slices Kendra's neck with her sharp nails. Kendra grabs at her neck as it begins to bleed heavily, and collapses to the floor. Drusilla watches her fall, and turns to look down at her. Drusilla: Night-night. She kisses the air above her and turns to her accomplices. Drusilla: Let's get what we came for, dears. Two of them grab an unconscious Giles by the arms and drag him from the library. Drusilla and the third vampire follow them out. Cut outside. Buffy runs across the school grounds. Cut into the halls. Buffy throws open the door and rushes in. As she rounds a corner the scene slows. Buffy runs down the hall in slow motion as Whistler narrates over the scene. Whistler: Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. Buffy barges into the library and stops. Whistler: No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. She looks around at the damage, and then sees Kendra lying on the floor. She runs to her, still in slow motion, and skids down next to her on her knees. She sees that she's gone, and takes her hand. Whistler: So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. Buffy reaches up to Kendra's face with her other hand and strokes it gently. Behind her a police officer raises his g*n at her. Officer: Freeze! Buffy looks back at him, seemingly caught red-handed. Whistler: You'll see what I mean. To Be Continued...

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x21 - Becoming Part 1"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The library at Sunnydale High School. Buffy is crouched over Kendra after finding her d*ad. Behind her a police officer comes in and aims his g*n at her. Officer#1: Freeze! (Buffy faces him) Put your hands up. Back away from the girl slowly. Another officer comes in behind the first, g*n drawn and surveying the scene. Buffy slowly gets to her feet and raises her hands. Buffy: Look, I didn't do anything. Officer#1: Do it! Now! The second officer holsters her g*n and crouches down to feel for Kendra's pulse, but can't find one. Officer#2: This one's d*ad. Officer#1: What about up there? (nods toward the mezzanine) Buffy and Officer#2 look up at the stacks and see Xander lying unconscious on the floor behind the railing. Buffy: Xander... She starts to go to him, but Officer#2 grabs her and pushes her back. Officer#2: Get her out of here! Buffy: Wait! Just see if he's okay! Please! The second officer hands her off to the first, and then goes to check on Xander. Buffy offers no resistance, and lets herself be led out. Officer#2 crouches down by Xander to check him out. Cut to the hall outside the library. Officer#1 leads Buffy out. Buffy: Please. You don't understand. Officer#1: You'd do well to keep your mouth shut, missy. They turn down the hall and see Snyder coming down followed by two more officers. Buffy: But I didn't *do* anything. Snyder: Why do I find that so very hard to believe? Officer#1: (to the other officers) In there. (to Snyder) You know this girl? Snyder: Buffy Summers. If there's trouble, she's behind it. Buffy: (angrily) You stupid little troll. You have *no* idea! Snyder: Attitude problem. Serious. Buffy: (faces the officer) Look, I just wanna know if my friends are okay. Officer#1: All right, that's enough. He spins her back around and gets out his handcuffs. Officer#1: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and... Buffy glances over her shoulder, and without warning backhand punches the officer in the face. He grunts in pain and stumbles backward into the lockers. She grabs him by the neck and pushes his head down, flipping him over onto his back. Snyder takes a shocked step back. He is too stunned by what he just saw her do to move, and just lets her run down the hall without even looking. Officer#2 comes out of the library and sees her partner on the floor and Buffy running away. She raises her g*n and takes aim at Buffy. Officer#2: Stop! Now Snyder turns around to see Buffy running away, but he's still too shook up to have the sense to get out of the officer's way. Officer#2: Get down! Buffy looks back and turns down an adjacent hall, and the officer takes a sh*t. The b*llet shatters the window of the hall door. The other two officers come out of the library, g*n drawn and ready, and she waves them in Buffy's direction. They run in pursuit. She grabs the radio mic at her shoulder and puts out a bulletin on Buffy. Officer#2: All units, we have a fugitive on foot at the high school. Homicide suspect. Female, blond, approximately sixteen years old. Suspect is *very* dangerous. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The hall outside the Emergency Room at Sunnydale General Hospital. Buffy comes into the hall wearing a wool cap and a long, dark coat. She averts her eyes from the doctors and nurses. On the wall she finds a slot with a few patient histories and checks the names on them. There are none she's interested in. She continues slowly down the hall, avoiding the eyes of a passing doctor. She checks another series of slots for names on paperwork, but finds nothing. Further down the hall she turns down the left passageway. Behinds her Xander walks up and touches her on the back. She gasps and spins around, but is very relieved to see him standing there. Buffy: Xander! (hugs him tightly) Ohhh... He hugs her back, and they hold each other for a long moment, then Buffy lets go. Buffy: I was so worried, I didn't know if you were okay. The cops were... Xander: Yeah, I, I heard them chase you out. I was just coming out of it. (holds up his arm in a cast) Souvenir. Buffy: Well, what about the others? Xander sees two police officers come into the hall behind her. Buffy: Are they okay? He grabs her in another tight hug. Buffy goes along with it, but wonders what's up. When she glimpses the cops she hides her face in Xander's shoulder while they head down the hall in the direction that she came in. When the police have gone they separate again. Buffy: Okay. That was about equal parts protecting me and copping a feel, right? (smiles) Xander doesn't smile back. He turns his face down looking sad and very worried. Buffy: What is it? Cut to Willow lying unconscious in a hospital bed. She has a bandaged cut on her forehead and a black eye, but otherwise seems unhurt. The camera pans up from her face to Buffy and Xander standing next to the bed. Xander: The doctor said it was head trauma. She can wake up at any time, but, um... the longer it lasts, the... less likely it is. Buffy: I never should've let her try to do that curse. Angel must've known. She reaches up to Willow's face and brushes back a few stray hairs. Buffy: Where are her parents? Xander: With relatives in Phoenix. I gave them a call. They're... they're getting on a plane back. Buffy: Does Oz know? Xander: (realizes his omission) Oh, man. Um... I didn't even think. Um... I'll call him. Buffy hears some footsteps behind her and turns quickly to see who it is. Xander looks over his shoulder, too, and they see Cordelia come in. He goes over to her. Xander: Hey. Cordelia: (whispers) Hey. They kiss and hold each other close. Cordelia: (sighs) How is she? (they separate and look at Willow) The doctor told me that... Xander: Yeah. We're, uh... still waiting. Buffy: You okay? Cordelia: I ran. I think I made it through three counties before I realized nobody was chasing me. Not too brave. Buffy: It was the right thing to do. Xander: Did Giles keep up with you? Cordelia: I didn't see Giles. Buffy: You mean he's not in the hospital? Xander: No. Buffy gives them a very concerned stare. Cut to Angelus' mansion. Giles is lying on the floor. Angelus lies on the floor facing him and waiting for him to regain consciousness. Giles: Mm... (stirs a bit and exhales) Ohhh... (lifts his head) Angelus: Hi, Rupert. I wasn't sure you were gonna wake up. You had me worried. (hops to his feet) Giles: (standing up slowly) What do you want? Angelus: I wanna t*rture you. I used to love it, and it's been a *long* time. I mean, the last time I tortured somebody, they didn't even *have* chainsaws. He strolls past Giles over to Acathla. Giles turns to watch him and sees the stone demon with the sword protruding from its chest. Angelus notices Giles' stare. Angelus: Oh, yeah. Acathla. He's an even harder guy to wake up than you are. I mean, I performed the rituals, said all the right phrases... blood on my hand. Got nothing. Big doughnut hole for my troubles. I figure you know the ritual. You're pretty up on these things. You could probably... tell me what I'm doing wrong. (approaches Giles) But honestly, I sorta hope you don't... (stops in front of him) 'Cause I *really* wanna t*rture you. (stares evilly) Cut to the Summers house. A police officer comes down the stairs to where Detective Stein is questioning Joyce and goes to stand next to him. Joyce: No. I-i-it's impossible. There... there's been some terrible mistake. Det. Stein: And you have no idea where your daughter is. Joyce: She said she was going to her friend Willow's house. (shakes her head) Maybe she slept over. Det. Stein: Is that Willow Rosenberg? Joyce: Yes. Det. Stein: (to the officer) Second victim. Joyce: (confused) What? Det. Stein: Your daughter has a history of v*olence. Doesn't she, Ms. Summers? He nods for the officer to leave the house, and he goes. Joyce: Well... Det. Stein: (smugly) You call us. (pulls out his wallet) Okay? (digs out a card) If she decides to stop by. (hands Joyce the card) Be best if she just comes in. He exits the house leaving Joyce very worried and confused. Cut to Giles' apartment. The door is ajar, so Buffy just comes right in. Buffy: Giles! Giles! She looks around, but doesn't see him. Behind her Whistler comes down the stairs from the loft. Whistler: I don't think he's here. Buffy: (pivots around to face him) Who are you? Whistler: Whistler. Buffy: What are you doing here? Whistler: (reaches the base of the stairs) I'm waiting for you. Buffy: Why? Whistler: 'Cause I-I-I need a date to the prom. Buffy is *not* in the mood for jokes right now, so she takes the two steps over to him, grabs him by the throat and shoves him up against the wall. Buffy: I have had a *really* bad day, okay? If you have information worth hearing, then I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, then I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat. (lets go) Whistler: Hello to the imagery! Very nice. (seriously) It wasn't supposed to go down like this. (moves away from the wall) Nobody saw you coming. I figured this for Angel's big day. But I thought he was here to *stop* Acathla, not to bring him forth. Then you two made with the smoochies... now he's a creep again. Now, what are you gonna do? W-what are you prepared to do? Buffy: Whatever I have to. Whistler: Maybe I should ask, what are you prepared to give up? Buffy: (exhales) You don't have anything useful to tell me, do you? What are you, just some immortal demon sent down to even the score between good and evil? Whistler: (impressed) Wow. Good guess. (grins) Buffy: (steps up to him) Well, why don't you try getting off your immortal ass and fighting evil once in a while? 'Cause I'm sick and tired of doing it myself. Whistler: In the end, you're always by yourself. You're all you've got. That's the point. Buffy: (disgusted) Spare me. (starts to leave) Whistler: The sword isn't enough. You gotta be ready. (raises his voice) You gotta know how to use it! She goes out the door and slams it behind her. Cut to the park. Buffy walks through it with her head down. A car drives by. She steps into the street and watches as the car goes. When she turns back she sees a police car coming, but doesn't run, instead hoping that the officer won't notice her. He does, though, and turns on his lightbar and lets the siren give a brief loud tone. He pulls the car aside, stops and gets out. Buffy ignores him and keeps walking right past the front of the vehicle. The officer draws his g*n. Officer#3: Hold right there! (slams his door) Buffy spins around to face him. Officer#3: Put your hands on your head! Do it! She stares at his g*n, frightened, and begins to raise her hands. Suddenly the g*n gets kicked out of the officer's hands. He gets kicked in the face and in the shin, then grabbed and thrown onto the hood of his car, where he lies unconscious. His attacker faces a surprised Buffy. Spike: Hello, cutie. (smiles) ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ In the park. Spike takes a step toward Buffy, and she immediately decks him twice in the face. He grabs her by the shoulders to restrain her, but she brings her knee up into his gut. Spike: Now, you hold on a second! He gives her a good shove away from himself. She reaches into her coat and pulls out a stake. Spike jumps back and holds up his hands in surrender. Spike: Hey! White flag here. I quit. Buffy: Let me clear this up for you. We're mortal enemies. We don't get time-outs. Spike: You want to go around, pet, I'll have a gay old time of it. You want to stop Angel... we're gonna have to play this a bit differently. Buffy: (still holding the stake) What are you talking about? Spike: I'm talking about your ex, pet. I'm talking about putting him in the bloody ground. Buffy: (chuckles) This has gotta be the *lamest* trick (lowers her stake) you guys have ever thought up. Spike: He's got your Watcher. Right now, he's probably torturing him. Buffy: What do you want? Spike: I told you. I want to stop Angel. (snickers) I want to save the world. Buffy: Okay. You do remember that you're a vampire, right? Spike: We like to talk big. (indicates himself) Vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' (looks at the officer) That's just tough guy talk. (steps over to the car) Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. (sits on the hood) The truth is, I like this world. (pulls the cigarette pack from the officer's shirt pocket) You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. (pulls one out and drops the pack on the officer) And you've got people. (exhales) Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. (lights the cigarette and takes a drag) But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... (exhales) passion for destruction. (takes another drag and looks at Buffy) Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Picadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying? Buffy: (nods) Okay, fine. You're not down with Angel. Why would you ever come to me? Spike: (stands and takes another drag, but doesn't look at her) I want Dru back. I want it like it was before he came back. The way she acts around him... Buffy: You're pathetic. He punches her in the face. She punches him right back. Buffy: I lost a friend tonight! Spike: I wasn't in on that raiding party. Buffy: And I may lose more! The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to *not* care. Spike: I can't fight them both alone, and neither can you! Buffy punches him hard in the jaw, making him flinch. He straightens back up and feels his jaw, checking for blood. Buffy: I hate you. Spike: And I'm all you've got. The police officer begins to stir on the hood of the car. Buffy: (looks down briefly) All right. Talk. Spike: (turns to the officer) I'm just gonna k*ll this guy. Buffy clears her throat loudly. Spike faces her. Spike: Oh, right. Buffy: (raises her eyebrows at him) Let's get inside. They leave as the police officer begins to wake up and feel his head. Cut to Willow's room at the hospital. She is still unconscious. Xander is sitting in a chair and watching her while Cordelia stands. Cordelia: Do you want some coffee? Xander: I don't wanna leave. She might, uh... Cordelia: I'll get it. Xander: (looks up at her) Thanks. They clasp hands briefly, and Cordelia goes to get some coffee. Xander looks at Willow again, deep in thought. He leans over to the bed and gently takes her hand in his. Xander: Come on, Will. Look, you don't have a choice here. You gotta wake up. I need you, Will. I mean, how am I gonna pass trig, you know? (chuckles) And who am I gonna call every night... and talk about everything we did all day? You're my best friend. You've always... He looks at her for a long moment, looks away for an instant and then at her again, struggling with his emotions. Xander: I love you. Her face twitches and her hand gives his a squeeze. Xander's eyes widen in hope. Xander: Willow? She takes a few breaths before responding, with her eyes still closed. Willow: (whispers) Oz? (speaks) Oz? Xander leans away, taken aback. Oz hears her as he walks into the room. Oz: I'm here. Xander: (looks back at Oz) She's just starting to wake up. He gets up to let Oz go to her. Oz takes her hand and leans over the bed. Willow still has her eyes closed. Oz: Hey, baby. Willow: (weakly) Hi. Xander: I'm gonna go get a doctor. (leaves) Oz: How you feelin'? Willow: (weakly, eyes still closed) My head... feels big. Is it big? Oz: No. It's head size. He leans over her face and gently kisses her on the forehead. He leans back to look at her and strokes her hair with his other hand. She opens her eyes tentatively. Willow: (whispers) Uh... is everybody else okay? Cut to Angelus' mansion. The camera shows Giles in a chair with his hands bound behind his back and bleeding from rope burns. The camera pans up his arms and over his shoulder to Angelus, sitting in a chair and watching Giles as he cleans his glasses. He breathes on the lenses, polishes them clean and inspects his work. Angelus: Rupert, buddy... I'm here to tell you, I'm impressed. (chuckles) He drops the cleaning cloth, gets up and goes over to Giles. Angelus: Hey. Uh... (slides on the glasses) How you holdin' up? Giles: (looks up at him weakly) Never... better. Angelus: Glad to hear it. (kneels next to him) Now... (Giles breathes painfully) Tell me when it hurts. (smirks) Cut to Buffy's street. She and Spike eye each other as they head up the walk to her house. Just then Joyce pulls up in her Jeep and sees them from her open window. Joyce: Buffy?! Buffy gives her a glance, but goes right back to watching Spike. Joyce: (stops the car) Where have you been? (gets out) Are you okay? (runs over) The police were here! I've been looking for you! Buffy: Mom, let's, let's go inside, and I can explain. Joyce: (hysterical) Who is this man? (to Spike) Who are you? (to Buffy) Are you okay? Buffy: Mom! I'm-I'm okay. Joyce: Buffy, terrible things have happened. What were you doing? Spike: What, your mum doesn't know? Buffy glares at Spike. Joyce: (to Spike) Know what? Buffy: (faces her mom) That I'm, uh... in a band. A-a rock band with Spike here. (sh**t Spike a look) Spike: Right. She plays the, the triangle. Buffy: Drums. Spike: Drums, yeah. She's, uh, hell on the old skins, you know. Joyce: (unconvinced) Hmm. And, uh, what do you do? Spike: Well, I sing. Buffy: You know what? Why don't we go inside, and, and we can talk about this. (nods) She starts toward the door, and Spike follows. Joyce: I'm, I'm not sure how I feel about this. Buffy turns around to face her. Suddenly a vampire rushes across the porch, pushes Buffy and Spike aside and jumps down the steps at Joyce, ready to fight. She screams and does some fast backpedaling. Buffy grabs him by the shoulders from behind and forces him around to face Spike. She pulls out a stake while Spike gives him a series of punches to the face. Spike's last blow sends the vampire spinning around and staggering away. Buffy thrusts the stake into his chest, and he instantly crumbles to ash. Joyce just stares in shock. Spike steps down from the porch and looks at the pile of ash. Spike: One of Angel's boys. Buffy: Yeah, probably watching me. Or you. Spike: Yeah. He won't get a chance to tattle on us now. Joyce: (utterly confused) Buffy... what... is going on? Buffy looks at her mother for a moment, exchanges a look with Spike and realizes that it's time. She steps up to her mom and looks up at her, hoping against hope for understanding. Buffy: Mom... I'm a Vampire Slayer. Joyce just blinks her eyes, raises her brows and shakes her head in complete dismay. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Willow's room at the hospital. Oz brings her a bowl of Jell-O. She's sitting up and on the phone with Buffy. She takes the bowl from Oz with a smile, sets it down on her lap and begins to play with the spoon. Oz pulls up a chair and sits down. Willow: I'm okay, Buffy, really. I mean, I don't feel good, but... I'm awake, and I know my name and who's President and how many fingers, so they don't think my brain got mushed at all. Buffy: (cut to her in her kitchen) Thank God. So sorry I can't be there. Willow: I know. (cut to her) I'm sorry I didn't get to cure Angel. Buffy: Don't be. It just (cut to her) wasn't meant to be. I know I'm never gonna get him back the way he was. It just makes it easier. Willow: (cut to her) I guess. Any luck finding Giles? Buffy: (cut to her) Yep. I got a lucky break. Willow: What? Buffy: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Cut to their living room. Joyce sits nervously on the couch with the toes of her shoes turned in. Spike is sitting in an adjacent wicker chair. Uncomfortable silence reigns. Spike looks around the room. Joyce lifts her glass, takes a sip of her drink and winces at its strength. Spike looks down at his lap, lets out a long, bored breath and folds his hands. Cut to Buffy on the phone in the kitchen. Buffy: Xander. Angel and the others are holed up outside town. You remember that funky-looking mansion you showed me that time? Cut to him sitting on Willow's bed. Behind him she eats her Jell-O. Oz looks through a magazine. Xander: (into the phone) On Crawford Street. Sure. That makes sense. What's the drill? Buffy: (cut to her) I'm gonna h*t it come daybreak. Xander: (cut to him) You'll need backup. Buffy: No. (cut to her) You stay there. I'm covered. Xander: (cut to him) Do you, um... do you think Giles is still alive? Buffy: (cut to her) I think he is. I just wish he was here to tell me what to do. Cut to the living room. The silence is deafening. Spike looks around some more. Then Joyce has a spark of recognition on her face and looks over at Spike. Joyce: Have we met? Spike: (faces her) Um... you h*t me with an ax one time. Remember? (makes an ax-holding gesture) Uh, 'get the hell away from my daughter.' (lowers his arms) Joyce: Oh. She lets out a little chuckle. Spike sighs with boredom. Joyce: So, do you, uh, live here in town? Buffy walks into the room with her arms crossed. They both get up. Joyce: I-is Willow all right? Buffy: Yeah. She's fine. (to Spike) All right, talk. What's the deal? Spike: Simple. You let me and Dru skip town, I help you k*ll Angel. Joyce: (confused) Angel? Your boyfriend? Buffy: (to Spike) Forget about Drusilla. She doesn't walk. Spike: There's no deal without Dru. Buffy: She k*lled Kendra. Spike: (surprised) Dru bagged a Slayer? (chuckles) She didn't tell me! (to Joyce, smiling) Hey, good for her! (gets a look from Buffy and loses the smile) Though not from your perspective, I suppose. Buffy: (with contempt) I can't believe I invited you into my house. Joyce: (relieved) So you didn't k*ll that girl. Buffy: Of course not. Joyce: Did she explode like that man out there? Buffy: She was a Slayer, Mom. Joyce: Like what you are. Buffy gives her a thin smile and a nod. Spike: Look. (pulls Buffy aside) This deal works for me one way. Full stop. Me and Dru for Angel. Joyce: (still confused) Honey, a-are you sure you're a Vampire Slayer? Spike: I'll take her out of the country. You'll never hear from us again, I *bloody* well hope. Buffy: (ignores her mother) Fine. Get back to the mansion. Make sure Giles is all right. Joyce: I-I mean, have you tried *not* being a Slayer? They both look at her. Buffy: Mom! Spike sighs in exasperation of Joyce. Buffy: (to Spike) Be ready to back me up when I make my move. He walks around her toward the door. Buffy: If Giles dies... (Spike stops and faces her) she dies. He gives her a final stare and heads out the door. Joyce: (trying to make sense of it) It's because you didn't have a strong father figure, isn't it? Buffy: It's just fate, Mom. I'm the Slayer. Accept it. Joyce: We should call the police. (heads for the kitchen) Buffy: No. We're not calling the police. Joyce: (stops and faces her daughter, smiling) Well, now that we know that you're innocent, it's... Buffy: What? You thought I was guilty? Jeez, feelin' the love in *this* room! Joyce: No, I didn't think that. It's just... now we have proof. Buffy: (exasperated) We have my word, Mom. Not proof. Joyce: (heads for the kitchen again) Look, I am sure that they will understand. Buffy: (follows closely) Get them involved, you'll get them k*lled. Joyce: Well, you're not gonna hurt them, are you? Buffy: I'm a Slayer, not a postal worker. Her mother picks up the phone, and Buffy slaps her hand onto the switch hook. Buffy: Cops can't fight demons. (takes the phone from her mom) I have to do it. (puts the phone back in its cradle) Joyce: (demanding) Do what? Buffy, what is happening? Buffy: (doesn't want to deal) Just have another drink. She turns away from her mother and starts to walk off. Joyce throws her glass aside in anger, and it breaks on the floor. Joyce: Don't you talk to me that way! (Buffy stops in her tracks) You don't get to just dump something like this on me and pretend it's nothing! Buffy: (looks at her) I'm sorry, Mom, but I don't have time for this. (starts for the door again, but stops) Joyce: No! I am tired of 'I don't have time' or-or 'you wouldn't understand.' (Buffy faces her) I am your mother, and you will *make* time to explain yourself. Buffy: I told you. I'm a Vampire Slayer. Joyce: (haughtily) Well, I just don't accept that! Buffy: (steps closer) Open your eyes, Mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurrences. How many times have you washed blood out of my clothing, and you still haven't figured it out? Joyce: (raises her voice angrily) Well, it stops now! Buffy: (raises her voice also) No, it doesn't stop! It *never* stops! Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would *love* to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But I have to save the world... again. Joyce: No. This is insane. (takes Buffy by the shoulders) Buffy, you need help. Buffy: (throws off her mom's arms) I'm *not* crazy! What I need is for you to chill. I *have* to go! Joyce: (shakes her head) No. I am not letting you out of this house. Buffy: You can't stop me. Joyce: (grabs her) Oh yes I... Buffy shoves her back into the island, making her knock over several things. She heads for the door, opens it and steps out. Joyce: (angrily) You walk out of this house, don't even *think* about coming back! Buffy just gives her a long stare and leaves. Joyce sighs, having failed once again at communicating with her daughter. She turns around and leans on the island with her head in her hands. Cut to Willow's hospital room. Willow is sitting up in her bed with Oz in the chair next to her. Xander is sitting on the far side of the room. Cordelia: (paces) So Buffy's going for the big showdown, huh? Wish we could help. (to Xander) You know, without dying. Xander: I don't see how. Willow: I wanna try again. Oz: Try what? Willow: The curse. We never got to finish it. Maybe we *can* restore Angel's soul. Xander: I don't like it. You're talking about messing with powerful magic, and you're weak. Willow: I'm okay. Xander: You don't look okay. (to Cordelia) Does she? Cordelia: You should listen to him. The hair, it's so flat, and the lips... Xander: (to Cordelia) Could we stay on topic here, honey? Cordelia: What? Xander: (to Willow) Look, it's not a good idea. Willow: There's no use arguing with me. Do you see my resolve face? (gives them her resolve face) You've seen it before. You know what it means. This can help Buffy. If we turn Angel back soon enough, we can stop him from ever awakening Acathla. Oz: (gets up) Okay, I pretty much missed out on some stuff, didn't I? Because this is all making a kind of sense that's... not. Willow: (to Oz) Go with Cordy to the library and get my things. She'll fill you in. Oz: Sure. (kisses her hand) I'll drive. He walks out of the room with Cordelia close behind. Xander gets up. Willow: Xander, go to Buffy. Tell her what we're doing. Maybe she can stall. Xander: But I... Willow: (points to herself) Resolve face. Xander: (gives in) Be careful. (leaves) Cut to Angelus' mansion. Giles is still tied to his chair, and hangs his head weakly. Angelus: You know, I can stop the pain. You've been very brave... (puts his hand on Giles' shoulder) but it's over. (walks behind him) You've given enough. (leans down to Giles' ear) Now let me make it stop. Giles: (panting and shaking with pain) Please! Angelus: (kneels to face him) Just tell me what I need to know. Giles: (weakly) In order... to be worthy... Angelus: (whispers) Yeah? Giles: (weakly) You must perform the ritual... in a tutu. Angelus glares at him. Giles doesn't back down. Giles: Pillock! Angelus: (stands up) All right. Someone get the chainsaw. Spike: (wheels himself in) Now, now, don't let's lose our temper. Angelus: Keep out of it, sit 'n' spin. Spike: Look, you cut him up, you'll never get your answers. Angelus: Since when did *you* become so levelheaded? Spike: Right about the time you became so pig-headed. You have your way with him, you'll never get to destroy the world. And I don't fancy spending the next month trying to get librarian out of the carpet. There are other ways. Angelus: Enlighten me. Spike: Hmm. (behind himself) Drusilla? Sweetheart? She comes in behind him and walks up to them. Spike: Do you want to play a game? She puts her arm on his shoulder, and they both look over at Angelus. Cut to the library. The main area is cordoned off with yellow crime scene tape. Buffy walks in and just grabs and pulls down the tape. As she heads toward the table she looks down at the chalk outline of Kendra on the floor and passes it slowly, careful not to step on it. When she reaches the table she looks for a moment at the Orb, candles and other things that were used in the attempt at cursing Angelus. Then she reaches under the table, pulls out Kendra's large duffel bag and sets it on the table. As she goes through it Snyder comes into the library. Snyder: You do know this is a crime scene, don't you? (Buffy looks up at him approaching) But then... you're a criminal, so that pretty much works out. (stops) Buffy: You know I didn't do it. The police will figure it out. Snyder: In case you haven't noticed, the police of Sunnydale are *deeply* stupid. (takes a few steps closer) It doesn't matter anyway. Whatever they find, you've proved too much of a liability for this school. (takes a breath) These are the moments you want to savor. You wish time would stop so that you could live them over and over again. (smiles smugly) You're expelled. Buffy reaches into the bag and pulls out the sword blessed by the knight who first slew Acathla. She holds it up and turns it in her hand. Snyder looks at it, at her and gulps. Buffy gazes at the polished blade. Buffy: You never ever got a single date in high school, (turns her eyes to him) did you? Snyder: Your point being? She starts out of the library and leans the blade into his face as she passes him. He bends back nervously and watches her go. This time she makes no attempt to avoid the chalk markings on the floor. Snyder pulls out his cell phone and dials. He checks to make sure she's gone and holds the phone up to his ear. Snyder: It's Snyder. (smiles) Tell the Mayor I have good news. Cut to Angelus' mansion. Drusilla kneels behind Giles, patting the sweat from his forehead. Drusilla: Is that better? (pats more) Hmm? (pulls away the cloth) Poor thing. (runs her finger down his cheek) Let's see what's inside. She runs her hand up the back of Giles' head and over the top. She closes her eyes and concentrates on reading his thoughts. It doesn't take long for her to discover something useful. She gasps and removes her hand. Drusilla: (into Giles' ear) Of course. She stands up and goes around to his other side and holds up two fingers to hypnotize him. Drusilla: Look at me. Giles turns his head weakly to look away, trying to resist. She comes around the rest of the way in front of him, waving her fingers. Drusilla: Mm-mm-mm-mm. Finally Giles can no longer resist and looks at her. She waves her fingers around some more and draws them in toward her own eyes. Drusilla: Be... in me. In his weakened state Giles quickly falls under her spell. She looks into his eyes and smiles. Drusilla: Hmm. See with your heart. She covers his eyes with her hand, and when she takes it away he sees Jenny kneeling before him. At first he can't believe it, but then accepts it. Giles: (smiles) Jenny! I thought I'd lost you. Dru/Jenny: (quietly) Shh. I'll never leave you. Giles: (tries to get up) We have to get out of here. Dru/Jenny: (calms him) No-no-no-no-no. Slowly. She brushes her hand over his temple, down his cheek and over his lips. Giles: It can't be you. (stares into her eyes) Dru/Jenny: Did you tell Angel? About the ritual? Giles: (breathing erratically) No. (desperately) We have to get... him away from Acathla. Dru/Jenny: Why? Is he close to figuring it out? Giles: (nods, anxious to go) Later. Dru/Jenny: (imploringly) Tell me what to do. Giles looks at her, helpless and confused. Dru/Jenny: It's all right. We'll be together... finally. We'll have everything we never got to have... Never got to feel... Just tell me what to do. Giles: (desperately) We have to get Angel away from Acathla. Dru/Jenny: Angel himself? He's the key? Giles: (weakly) H-h-his, his blood... H-he mustn't... Dru/Jenny: Shh. (kisses him) Mm. They kiss passionately. The camera pulls over to Giles' face. When it pans back he's kissing Drusilla. The camera continues to pan over to Angelus and Spike as they watch, pleased with the result. Angelus: Blood. Of course. The blood on my hands must be my own. I am the key that will open up the door. My blood. My life. (considers) Okay. k*ll him. (turns to go) Spike: Uh, but what if he's lying? Angelus: Yeah. Good point. Alright, don't k*ll him. (leans down to Spike) You know, I kinda like having you watch my back. It's kinda like old times. (chuckles) They both look over at Drusilla, still kissing Giles. Spike: Uh, Drusilla... She keeps kissing him. Angelus: Honey... Spike: We are finished here, ducks. She stops and looks back at them sheepishly. Drusilla: Sorry. (smiles evilly) I was in the moment. Giles opens his eyes and realizes that he's been tricked. Cut to Giles' apartment. Whistler walks into the kitchen and looks around. He spots a bottle of sherry and takes a sniff, but then sees that it's empty. He puts it back down and keeps looking around. Buffy comes in and sees him there. He goes over to check out the refrigerator. Buffy: Whistler. What did you mean, the sword isn't enough? Whistler: (finds a bottle of beer) You know, raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun. You're never gonna get the good stuff. Buffy: Tell me how to use it. Whistler: (takes a swig and looks back at Buffy) Angel's the key. (closes the fridge) His blood will open the door to Hell. Acathla opens his big mouth, creates a vortex. Then only Angel's blood will close it. One blow will send 'em both back to Hell. But I strongly suggest that you get there before that happens, 'cause the faster you k*ll Angel, the easier it's gonna be on you. Buffy: Don't worry about me. Whistler: It's all on the line here, kid. Buffy: I can deal. (sadly) I got nothing left to lose. (leaves) Whistler: Wrong, kid. You got one more thing. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Outside Angelus' mansion. The camera pans along its dark facade. Cut to the street. Buffy walks toward the mansion at a determined pace with the sword wrapped in a cloth. Suddenly Xander comes running out of the bushes on the hillside and jumps into the street in front of her. She startles and takes a reflexive step back. Buffy: Xander! Xander: Cavalry's here. Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, (holds up a large rock) but it's here. Buffy holds up a stake. He tosses the rock aside and takes it from her. Xander: That's better. Buffy: You're not here to fight. (starts walking) You get Giles out, and you run like hell, understood? I can't protect you. (pulls off and discards the cloth) I'm gonna be too busy k*lling. Xander: (looks at the sword) Now, that's a new look for you. Buffy: It's a present for Angel. Xander: Willow. (stops) Uh, she told me to tell you... Buffy: Tell me what? Xander: (pauses to think) Kick his ass. Without a word she continues walking. Xander hesitates a moment and then follows. Cut inside the main hall of the mansion. Spike in his wheelchair, Angelus and Drusilla stand at one end near the large fireplace. The camera pans along the other side behind Acathla and the two other vampires standing on either side. Angelus begins the ritual. Angelus: Acathla... Mundatus sum... pro te necavi. Sanguinem meum... pro te effundam... (steps slowly toward Acathla) quo me dignum... esse demonstrem. Translation: Acathla... I am cleansed... here before you. My blood... flowing before you... (steps slowly toward Acathla) makes me worthy... as I demonstrate. Cut to Willow's hospital room. Cordelia and Oz are back with the Orb and the candles, and they have everything set up on the tray table over the bed: the Orb surrounded by the candles within a sacred circle. Cordelia stands on one side and waves burning herbs and incense over the Orb. Oz stands on the other side with an open Latin book. Willow sits up in her bed holding the printout of the Rumanian curse. The camera looks down from above and closes in on them. Willow: Are we ready? Cordelia: Stinky herbs are a go. Oz: Did I mention I didn't take Latin? Willow: Y-you don't have to understand it. You just have to say it. I hope. Oz: Right. Cut to Angelus' mansion. The camera pans past Acathla's face and the vampire standing next to him. Angelus: Now, Acathla... Cut to Angelus. Drusilla hands him a Kn*fe. Angelus: You will be free. He draws the blade across the palm of his hand and winces in pain, but doesn't take his stare off of the demon. He drops the Kn*fe. Angelus: And so will we all. Cut to the other vampire. The camera pans around him to show Buffy coming in quietly behind him. She raises her sword and decapitates him with a single swing. He crumbles to ash as his head falls to the floor. Drusilla and Angelus turn their heads to look. Buffy meets their gazes. Buffy: Hello, lover. Angelus: (bored) I don't have time for you. Buffy: You don't have a lot of time *left*. Angelus: Coming on kind of strong, don't you think? You're playing some deep odds here. Do you really think you can take us all on? Buffy: No. I don't. Spike gets up out of his wheelchair behind Angelus with a determined look on his face and whips him hard across the back with an andiron. Angelus cries out in pain and collapses to the floor. Drusilla twists her head to look at Spike. He continues to whale on Angelus as hard as he can. Buffy starts for Drusilla, but the first vampire att*cks her. She spins around to face him, but he punches her and she falls to the floor. She trips him when he comes at her again and maneuvers to her feet, ready to fight. He comes at her again with a series of punches, all of which she easily blocks. Spike keeps pounding on Angelus. Spike: Painful, isn't it? He keeps swinging the andiron. Drusilla begins to freak, and jumps on Spike, taking him down to the floor with her. Buffy's assailant backhand punches her in the face, and she goes staggering into a chair by the wall. She quickly recovers to block another swing, brings her knee up into his gut and kicks him in the face, knocking him to the floor. She spies a pile of broken wood fragments and goes to it. The vampire gets to his feet just as Xander comes into the room and surprises him with a punch. Buffy picks up a suitable piece of scrap wood and gets back into the fight. Xander backs off to go look for Giles. The vampire ducks a roundhouse kick and blocks another kick. Spike and Drusilla get up from the floor and face each other off. Spike: I don't want to hurt you, baby. She grabs him by the throat and shoves him into the wall. He slaps her arm aside and punches her in the face. Spike: Doesn't mean I won't. Cut to the hospital room. Willow casts her stones and gives Oz his cue. Cordelia keeps waving the burning herbs and incense. Oz: Quod perditum est, invenietur. Translation: What is lost, return. Willow: Not d*ad... nor not of the living. Spirits of the interregnum, I call. Cut to the mansion. Xander pushes aside a curtain to another room and finds Giles still tied to a chair. Xander: Giles! Giles' head is tilted back, and he is very weak. Xander: Giles! Giles lifts his head slowly. Xander crouches behind the chair and begins to untie the ropes. Giles: Xander? Xander: Can you walk? Giles: You're not real. Xander: Sure, I'm real. Giles: It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want. Xander has untied the ropes and goes around to look into Giles' face. Xander: Then why would they make you see me? Giles: (considers) You're right. Let's go. He groans as Xander gets under his arm and helps him out of the chair. Xander: Come on. They make their way though the main hall as fast as they can and out the door. Buffy and the vampire continue to fight. Drusilla swipes at Spike with her hand and leaves four parallel scratches across his cheek. She follows up with a punch that knocks him to the floor. Angelus wakes up and groans in pain. He rubs his eyes and looks up at Acathla. He gets to his feet and goes over to the demon. Buffy is still fighting the vampire. She blocks a kick from him, punches him, spins around and punches again, and he falls onto his back. Buffy quickly follows him down with her stake and jams it into his chest. He bursts into ashes. Behind her Angelus takes the last few steps to Acathla and grabs the sword stuck in his chest by the hilt with his bloody hand. A blindingly bright light emanates from it, and Buffy looks up from her k*ll in time to witness Angelus pulling the sword from the demon's heart. With a few telltale sparks the light is suddenly gone. Angelus whips the sword around in his hand and holds it up to look at it. Buffy scrambles to get her own sword. Drusilla looks up from her fight and gazes at Acathla with a smile. Drusilla: Oh... Here he comes. Spike comes up behind her and grabs her around the throat with his arm, choking her. Cut to the hospital. Willow continues her chant, but starts to feel weak. Willow: Gods, bind him. Cast his heart from the... evil... realm. Cut to the mansion. Buffy holds up her sword and faces off with Angelus. He holds his own ready to fight her also. Angelus: You almost made it, Buff. Buffy: It's not over yet. Angelus: My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to Hell. Buffy: Save me a seat. She thrusts at him with her sword, but he parries and swings around with a thrust of his own, which she also parries. They clash blades several times, and Buffy ducks a wide arcing swing from him. They face off again and trade one thrust and parry after another. Angelus tries another arcing swing from above, but she easily ducks and sidesteps out of the way. They face off again in front of Acathla and trade a few more blows. Angelus tries a swing from above a third time, and again Buffy ducks it and escapes to the side. She jumps up on a low table and swings at him again. He parries, and swings at her legs. She jumps up and over his blade and lands on the floor. He tries for her legs again, but she blocks his attempt with her blade. Again they trade several swings, and Angelus tries a wide swing again, and this time cuts her superficially on the arm. He tries to take advantage of her distraction and comes at her with his sword held high, intending to swing from above, but she drops to the floor and rolls out of the way, so he only manages to smash a bowl on a table behind her. Buffy kicks his legs out from under him and scrambles back up. He turns to face her still on his knees and swings three times in rapid succession, all of which she parries. He swings a fourth time, and this time Buffy knocks his sword into the table with her parry and pins it there. He backhand punches her in the face, and she spins away. He pulls the sword from the table and swings it hard at her. She blocks it with hers, and kicks him in the gut, making him double over. She jumps over him into the clear, and raises her sword to continue the fight. He thrusts, and she parries. Then he kicks her in her sword arm, and she stumbles back a step. Cut to the hospital. Willow gets weaker as she chants and breathes heavily. Willow: Return. (pants) I call on... (pants) Oz: (worried) Willow? Cordelia: (worried) Are you okay? Without warning Willow's head snaps back and she looks up with her eyes wide open. Her head snaps back down and her eyes stare into the Orb. She begins to chant steadily in Rumanian as though possessed. Willow: Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte. Translation: I implore you, Lord, do not ignore this request. Oz: (to Cordelia) Is this a good thing? Willow: Nici mort, nici al fiintei... Translation: Neither d*ad, nor of the living... Cordelia: (freaked out) Hey, speak English! Willow: Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. Translation: Let this Orb be the vessel that will carry his soul to him. Cut to Angelus' mansion. The fight has moved out into the atrium. Buffy hits the ground and scrambles back to her feet as Angelus slowly advances. She thrusts, and he parries. She spins around and swings at him, and he blocks her. Her sword bounces off of his and falls with the tip onto the low wall of a planting bed. Angelus stomps on the blade before she can raise it again and knocks it from her grip. He spins around and elbows her in the face, knocking her back into a stone table, which collapses and falls with her. Cut to Acathla. Deep thundering growls and noises come from him as he begins to wake. Cut to Spike choking Drusilla. She begins to lose consciousness and slumps over in his arms. Spike: Sorry, baby. Wish there was another way. When she begins to fall he catches her, lifts her into his arms and starts to carry her out. On the way he passes the doorway to the atrium and glances outside. When he sees them he stops to take a better look. Buffy is backing up against the wall without her sword while Angelus slowly and deliberately advances on her holding his. Spike: God, he's gonna k*ll her. He watches for another moment, then shrugs and heads for the garage with Drusilla. Cut to the atrium. Angelus plays with his sword, idly pointing it at Buffy. She looks up at him, frightened. Angelus: Now that's everything, huh? No w*apon... No friends... No hope. Buffy closes her eyes and steels herself for whatever's coming. Angelus: Take all that away... and what's left? He draws the sword back and thrusts it directly at her face. With lightning-fast reflexes she swings up with both arms and catches the blade between the palms of her hands. She opens her eyes and meets his. Buffy: Me. She shoves the blade away from her, and the hilt of the sword hits Angelus in the face. He staggers back, and she hops to her feet and kicks him in the chest. He stumbles back even more, and she reaches down and picks up her sword. She swings it around and thrusts at him, but he manages to parry. They exchange several blows, blocking each other. Buffy spins around and swings her sword down at him from above. He holds up his own to block, but she hits it hard and he falls to one knee. She swings again, and he blocks. She spins around with a roundhouse kick to his side, and he collapses to the ground. Cut outside the garage. Spike smashes through the door with his car. The windows are all painted black. He screeches into the street and g*n it. Cut into the car. Drusilla is lying unconscious in the passenger's seat. Spike concentrates on the road and whips around a corner. When heading straight again he looks over at her. He reaches around her neck and pulls her over to him, and holds her close as he keeps driving with only one hand on the wheel. Cut to the mansion. Buffy kicks Angelus, and he comes flying in through the door, hits the floor and rolls to a stop. Before he can get all the way back to his feet Buffy leaps in and swings her sword at him. He almost misses parrying her blow, and he steps back to get his footing. They exchange a few more swings. Angelus misses a block and gets sliced on his hand. Cut to the hospital. The table lurches hard. The camera pans around Willow and closes in on her face. Willow: Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum! Translation: So it shall be! So it shall be! Now! Cut to the mansion. Angelus has dropped his sword and holds his cut. Buffy does a high kick to his face, and he falls backward into Acathla and lands on his knees before her. Cut to the hospital. Willow: Acum! Translation: Now! The Orb glows brightly for a brief moment and goes dark. Willow suddenly relaxes, and looks around blankly. Cut to the mansion. Buffy raises her sword to dispatch Angelus, but stays herself when he suddenly gasps loudly and groans in pain. She sees his eyes glow bright red for an instant and go back dark. He looks up at her, but quickly collapses to the floor, crying. Buffy stares down at him, but still holds her sword raised behind her. Angel raises himself back up, his eyes heavy with tears, and looks into her eyes. Angel: (softly) Buffy? (sobs) What's going on? She just looks at him, confused but not yet ready to lower the sword. He looks around a bit and gets to his feet. Angel: Where are we? I-I don't remember. Finally Buffy realizes that the curse has worked, and she slowly lowers her sword. Buffy: (softly) Angel? Angel: (sees her wound) You're hurt. She looks down at her wound and feels his gentle touch on her arm. She ignores her cut, looks back up at him and steps closer. He embraces her tightly. Angel: Oh, Buffy... God. She still isn't completely sure that it's true, but accepts the hug. Angel: I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Finally she accepts it, closes her eyes and breathes out a deep sigh. Angel: Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I... He holds her even more closely. Angel: Oh... He sighs deeply and kisses her on the shoulder. Angel: Oh, Buffy... She cries into his shoulder and hugs him back. Behind him Acathla lets out a low rumble. Buffy opens her eyes and stares in shock as Acathla's face contorts. His brows angle down, his eyes glow red, his mouth opens grotesquely and the swirling vortex to Hell opens, small at first, but growing steadily in size and emanating a deep, red glow. Buffy lets go of Angel and looks up into his face. Angel: (confused) What's happening? Buffy: (whispers reassuringly) Shh. Don't worry about it. She brushes her fingers over his lips and across his cheek. She lays her hand on his cheek and kisses him softly. He returns the kiss, and it becomes more passionate. Behind them the vortex has grown to about five feet (1.5 m) across and continues to get larger. Buffy breaks off the kiss and looks deeply into Angel's eyes. Buffy: (whispers) I love you. Angel: (whispers) I love you. She touches his lips with her fingers again. Buffy: Close your eyes. She nods reassuringly, and he closes his eyes. She tries hard not to start crying, and kisses him again gently. She steps back, draws back her sword and thrusts it into his chest. His eyes whip open in surprise and pain, and a bright light emanates from the sword. She steps away from him. He reaches out to her and looks down at the sword thrust completely through him. He looks at her imploringly, completely bewildered by this turn of events. She can only stare at the sword protruding from his chest, and slowly steps further back. Angel: Buffy... Behind him the power of the sword begins to swirl into the vortex. Buffy steps further back, still looking only at the sword in his chest and not into his face. The vortex has enlarged to about twelve feet (3.5 m) across, and the two energies begin to interact. Angel still holds out his hand to Buffy. When the vortex finally meets him it suddenly closes into Acathla's mouth without so much as a spark, taking him with it. Buffy stares at the stone demon for a long moment, a light of awareness dawning in her eyes as she truly realizes what she has done, what she has lost. She begins to sob, her heart breaking. In the background "Full of Grace", by Sarah McLachlan, begins to play over the scene. Lyrics: The winter here is cold... Dissolve to Buffy's street. She walks across it toward her house. Lyrics: ...and bitter / It's chilled us to the bone / We haven't seen the sun for weeks / Too long, too far from home She looks at the neighboring houses, then back at hers. Cut into the house. Joyce climbs the steps and looks down the hall at Buffy's door. Lyrics: I feel just like I'm sinking Joyce: Buffy? Lyrics: And I claw for solid ground She walks to Buffy's room and looks in. The windows are open, and some of her daughter's things are strewn on the bed. She steps in and looks around. Lyrics: I'm pulled down by the undertow She sees a note on the bed among a bunch of clothes. Lyrics: I never thought I could feel so low She picks up the note and reads. Lyrics: And, oh, darkness / I feel like letting go She begins to cry as she reads and sits down on the bed. Lyrics: If all of the strength and all of the courage / Come and lift me from this place Cut to Sunnydale High School. Xander and Giles walk up to Oz pushing Willow in a wheelchair with Cordelia at their side. Giles' walk is a bit unsteady. Lyrics: I know I can love you much better than this / Full of grace Giles: Willow, are you sure you should be out of bed? Willow: Look who's talking. Giles: (smiles) Yes. Cordelia: Any word? Xander: You guys haven't seen her either? Willow: No. Oz: But we know the world didn't end, 'cause... (looks around) check it out. Giles: (takes off his glasses and squints) Well, we, uh... we went back to the mansion. I-it was empty, um... and Acathla was, was... dormant. Willow: I think the spell worked. I felt something go through me. Cordelia: Plus the Orb did that cool glow thing. Xander: Well, maybe it wasn't in time. Maybe she had to k*ll him before the cure could work. Oz: Well, then, she'd wanna be alone, I guess. Willow: Or maybe Angel *was* saved, and they want to be alone together. Giles: Perhaps. Cordelia: Well, she's gotta show up sooner or later. We still have school. Willow: Yeah. (looks around for her) She'll be here in a while. Lyrics: Where everything we said and did / Hurts us all the more They all turn and head into the school. Lyrics: It's just that we stayed too long / In the same old sickly skin Cut to Buffy looking at the school from behind a tree. She watches them as they go in. Lyrics: I'm pulled down by the undertow / I never thought I could feel so low The camera pans around her to her face, looking sadly at the school. A light breeze sweeps her hair back. Lyrics: And, oh, darkness / I feel like letting go She turns around and walks away down the street without looking back. Lyrics: If all of the strength and all of the courage / Come and lift me from this place Dissolve to the inside of a bus. Buffy's reflection is visible in the window as it drives by her house. Lyrics: I know I can love you much better than this / Full of grace Buffy looks out the window calmly as the bus drives on. Cut to a two-lane road leading out of town. The bus passes under the camera on its way. Lyrics: I know I can love you much better than this The camera pans down to a sign that reads: NOW LEAVING SUNNYDALE come back soon! Lyrics: It's better this way

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "02x22 - Becoming Part 2"}

foreverdreaming

The Sunnydale cemetery at night. The camera fades in on a gravestone-- Andrew Hoelich, 1981-1998--and slowly pans down to the ground in front of it. A bouquet of fresh flowers is there. A hand comes out of the freshly filled grave and claws for solid ground. Slowly Andrew pulls himself out of his grave, now a newly made vampire. He growls when his head clears the earth, and continues to climb out on his stomach. He crawls along the ground, pulling out his legs as the camera pulls back, and stops when he sees a pair of wide-spread legs standing before him. He looks up to see who it is. Willow: That's right, Big Boy. Cut to Willow. Willow: (smiles mischievously) Come and get it. Andrew suddenly hops to his feet and roars at her. Taken aback by this, Willow takes a few quick steps backward. The vampire takes two steps toward her. Xander grabs him by the collar of his suit and pulls him back away from Willow. Andrew loses his balance in the process. Xander: I got him! Go! Oz jumps out from behind a bush and starts to run toward them, but then hesitates a moment to get a stake from his jacket pocket. Xander: Any time now . . . Andrew has regained his balance, and using Xander's grip to s*ab himself, kicks up with both legs and does a double pike snapping kick to Oz's face. Oz stumbles backward and falls. Without pausing, Andrew leaps up again and does a back tuck over Xander's head. Xander tries to rush him, but Andrew uses his momentum to deflect him into Willow. They both go crashing to the ground. Willow moans, but quickly sits up to watch Andrew run away. Willow: He's getting away! And . . . ow. Oz scrambles to his feet and picks up his stake. He watches the demon running and holds his stake by the tip, preparing to throw it like a Kn*fe. Andrew leaps over a rock and continues running. Oz throws the stake. It whistles through the air as it flies end over end, and hits a gravestone, bouncing off of it with a loud thunk and flying wild. Oz: (shaking his head) That really never works. Willow and Xander get up, and Oz turns to them. Oz: Are you guys all right? Xander: First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen? Oz: (looking in the direction that Andrew went) Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team? Xander: (gestures with his arm) That's right, he was! (shouting after Andrew) Cheater! Oz gives Xander a brief look and then stares into the distance again looking for Andrew. Xander: (to Willow) Okay, and the, uh, second problem I'm having . . . 'Come and get it, Big Boy'? Willow: Well . . . (stammering) W-well, the Slayer always says a pun or-or a witty play on words, and I think it throws the vampires off, and, and it makes them *frightened* because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but *you* try it every time. Oz: Uh, if I may suggest: 'This time it's personal.' I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic. Xander: (steps away) I've always been amazed with how Buffy fought, but . . . (picks up his bag) in a way, I feel like we took her punning for granted. (steps back) Willow: (gives Xander a scolding look) Xander, past tense rule. Xander: Oh, sorry. I just meant we in the past took it for granted and, uh . . . we won't when she gets back. Willow: Do you think Buffy knows school's starting tomorrow? Oz: Tomorrow. (Willow looks at him) Right. Big day. Willow: (goes to Oz) Oh, I'm gonna be busy a lot. But, but only till 3:00, and that's when you usually get up. Xander: I can't wait to see Cordelia. (pauses) I can't believe I can't wait to see Cordelia. Willow: (smiling) I wonder what our first homework assignment's gonna be. Xander puts his hands on his hips and gives her a look. Willow: Hey, you're excited over Cordelia, okay? We've all got issues. Oz: I guess we should pack it in. Xander: Yeah. They all start to walk away from Andrew's grave. Willow: Wouldn't it be great if Buffy just showed up tomorrow? Like nothing happened? Xander: She can't just show up, she got kicked out. Willow: Well, yeah, I-I know. I just wish . . . I wish we knew where she was. Cut to a Los Angeles beach. A wave crashes on the sand. In the far distance a pier stretches out into the water. Buffy steps into view, walking barefoot across the sand. She stops and looks out over the ocean. She closes her eyes and raises her head to just feel the sun on her face and listen to the waves come in. The camera pans down from her face to her waist. A pair of hands reach around her and clasp in front, and she covers them with hers. The camera pans back up to her face. She looks back at Angel leaning his head over her shoulder. She reaches up with her hand and brushes it against his cheek. Buffy: How did you find me here? Angel: If I was blind, I would see you. She lowers her hand to take his again at her waist and closes her eyes. She embraces his arms tightly to her. Buffy: Stay with me. Angel: Forever. That's the whole point. I'll never leave. (whispering into her ear) Not even if you k*ll me. Buffy's expression turns from contented to dismayed. Cut to Buffy's tiny apartment in a run-down downtown Los Angeles neighborhood. She wakes from her dream and looks around sadly. Slowly she gets up and goes over to the window overlooking the street below. The camera pans away from the window, past the sidewalk and into the street. A police siren gets louder as it nears, and an instant later an LAPD squad car races across the intersection at the end of the block against the red light. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Behind the counter at a small, sleazy diner named Helen's Kitchen. The cook puts two burgers with fries up on the pick-up counter. A waitress walks past the counter to hang an order on the spinner. Buffy walks behind her to pick up the two burgers. She has her hair in two short braids to keep it out of the way. Her expression emotes a combination of sadness and boredom. She takes the two plates, walks them over to a nearby table and sets them down in front of two roughneck types. They both eye her lecherously. Buffy takes out her order pad. Buffy: Anything else? Roughneck: That'll do us, Peaches. She tears off their bill and puts it on the table. Buffy: Pay at the counter. Roughneck: Sure you don't want me to work it off for you? The other roughneck laughs at that. Buffy walks away, and as she goes he reaches out with his hand and slaps her on the behind. Buffy stops in her tracks. The two men just chuckle. She turns her head slightly, but thinks better of doing anything about it. She walks up to another table where a young couple is sitting. They are too into each other to notice Buffy. Buffy: You guys ready? Rickie: (still looking at his girl) Yeah. I think we're good. Um . . . (looks at Buffy's name tag) 'Anne'. Buffy glances at them briefly, then looks down at her pad to take their order. Buffy: What'll you have? Rickie reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Rickie: Well, okay . . . What can we get with this? He dumps the change onto the table. It's mostly pennies, a few nickels and dimes, no quarters. Buffy: Um . . . Lily: (to Rickie) Can we get cake? Rickie: (to Lily) Don't be stupid. We gotta eat healthy. We can't have cake. (to Buffy) Can we get pie? Buffy: We've got a peach pie. (writes the order) I can't guarantee there's a peach in it. Lily: (to Rickie) We shouldn't have blown all our money. Rickie: (to Lily) Come on, it was worth it. Lily smiles. Rickie looks up at Buffy as the two of them hold out their forearms. Rickie: Hey, check this out. Buffy looks at their arms as they hold them out together and sees they each have a tattoo of half of a heart with a ribbon across it. On their respective halves of the ribbon they have the other's name tattooed. Buffy: It's nice. It's nice and, uh, permanent. (smiles weakly) Rickie: (looking at Lily) Yeah, forever. (puts his arm around Lily) I mean, that's the whole point. Lily looks at him and smiles. Buffy looks down sadly. A moment later she looks up at Lily, and there's a spark of recognition in her face. Lily looks up at Buffy and thinks she also recognizes her. Lily: Hey, do I know you? Buffy: (looks away) I don't think so. Lily: (looks harder) Really? Where're you from? Buffy: (avoids the issue) I'll get your pie. Lily watches as Buffy goes to the cash register. Rickie distracts her, and they are in their own little world again. At the register Buffy puts down the order. The other waitress looks at her. Buffy: I'm not feeling great. (unties her apron) Do you think you can cover for me? Waitress: Sure. (looks at the order) Okay. Buffy gives Rickie and Lily one last look and goes out of the diner. Cut to the Sunnydale High School library. Students are busy looking for books they will need during the semester. Willow and Giles walk out of the stacks on the mezzanine level. Willow has several books in her arms. Giles: So, no joy at the cemetery? They come down the stairs. Willow: No, he got away. We still have some glitches in the system, like . . . vampires getting away. But I think we're improving. (smiles) They split up as Giles heads through the door to go behind the check-out counter. Giles: For God's sake be careful. (they meet at the counter) I mean, uh, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but, uh . . . Well, if anything should happen to you and . . . you should be k*lled, I should take it somewhat amiss. Giles scans Willow's books to check them out. Willow: You'd be cranky? Giles: Entirely. Willow: Well, we try not to get k*lled. (the phone in Giles' office rings) That's part of our whole mission statement. 'Don't get k*lled.' She takes the books and stacks them together again. Giles: Good, good. (taps on one of her books) I think you're going to love that one. (goes to get the phone) Willow picks the books up and starts out of the library. Before she can take more than a few steps, Cordelia comes up to her. Willow: Hi! Cordelia: Hey, Willow. (puts her bag on the counter) Willow: How was your summer? Cordelia: Oh, I can't believe you brought that up. Las Palmas was the nightmare resort. They order you around and make you have organized (makes quotes with her fingers) 'fun', and I used sarcastic quote marks. (takes her bag and starts out) Plus the fact there are cockroaches in Mexico big enough to own property. It was all about dread. How was your summer? Willow: Oh, it was okay. They walk through the library doors and into the hall. Cordelia: Is Xander around? Willow: Well, uh, yeah. Somewhere. They stop in the hall. Cordelia: Good. Great. I haven't seen him yet. (pulls her hair behind her ears) Do I look okay? Willow: Oh, yeah! (nods and smiles) Cordelia: (worried) How's my hair? Willow: Uh, it's good! (smiles) Cordelia: He didn't meet anybody over the summer, did he? No, who's he gonna meet in Sunnydale, but monsters and stuff? But then again he's always been attracted to monsters. (worried) How's my hair? Willow: Still good. She turns to leave and sees Oz. Willow: (smiles hugely) Hi! Cordelia grabs her arm and turns her around to look at her. Cordelia: Maybe he's forgotten me. (lets go) Well, I'll just have to make him remember. (smiles) See ya. (walks off) Willow: (turns back to Oz) You came to visit me. (sees his books) You came with books? Are they books for me? Oz: Well, actually, they're kind of for me. Willow: I don't get it. Oz: Well, it's sort of a funny story. (they walk) You remember when I didn't graduate? Willow: Well, I know you had a lot of incompletes, but that's what summer school was for. Oz: Yeah. Well, you remember when I didn't go? Two students run past them, and the camera follows them down the hall past a teacher. Teacher: Whoa. Slow down, people. (they stop running) Summer is over. Be somber. Willow and Oz walk by as the teacher goes back into his classroom. Willow: But you never said anything. How am I supposed to react to this rather alarming news? Oz: Well, actually, I was pretty much banking on you finding it cute. Willow: Well, traditionally, you know, repeating a grade isn't exactly a turn-on. (they stop by the lounge) A-and you're practically a genius. You're Mr. Test Scores. I-it's all a little weird. Oz: So the cute thing is out? Xander rushes up to them. Xander: Have you guys seen Cordelia? Willow: Yeah. She's around here somewhere. Xander: I don't want to come on too geeky, but, uh, okay, I'm psyched! (flashes a big grin) There's gonna be some heat, if you know what I mean, so you guys might want to duck and cover. (Willow sighs) And I'm starting to be geeky. (grins again) Okay, bye. (he goes, but comes right back) How's my-- Willow: (interrupts) Your hair is fine. Xander: (big grin) Cool. (darts away) Larry and another jock walk behind Willow and Oz, and the camera follows them into the lounge. Larry: This is our year, I'm telling you. Best football season ever. I'm so in shape, I'm a rock. (they stop by the vending machines) It's all about egg whites. If we can focus, keep discipline, and not have quite as many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is gonna *rule*! Willow and Oz walk into the lounge on the other side of the tables. Willow: I'm trying to get to cute, really. But I'm still sorta stuck on 'strange'. Oz: Well, I'd be willing to bargain down to 'eccentric' with an option on 'cool'. They walk past the raised area where the couches are. Behind them Xander and Cordelia finally meet. The camera closes in on them. Xander: Hey! Cordelia: Hey. Xander: Good summer? Cordelia: It was all right. Xander: Cool! Cordelia: (sounding disappointed) Yeah. They stand around looking uncertain for a moment. Xander: Well, I'll see ya. Cordelia: Yeah, whatever. He turns and goes down the steps. Cordelia walks the other way toward the hall. Cut to Buffy's apartment. She's sitting calmly on the edge of her bed in her nightshirt, holding a can of Spaghetti-O's in her lap. The camera pans up from the can to her face. She just stares blankly into the room, breathing calmly. Cut to the street in front of Helen's Kitchen. Buffy walks along the street. A homeless man is sitting on the curb. Ken, the local shelter operator, approaches the man and crouches down beside him, holding out one of his leaflets. Ken: Hey, how are you? Can I talk to you for a moment? I have something you might be interested in. Buffy continues walking and passes a store with a recessed entryway. A homeless woman is cowering there. Homeless woman: I'm no one. Buffy looks at the woman. Homeless woman: I'm no one. Buffy looks away and hides her face from the woman by pulling her hair behind her ear. Her expression becomes very sad. Homeless woman: I'm no one. Cut to the library. Giles is on the phone in his office. Giles: Yes? Thank you, thank you. He hangs up, puts the phone down, grabs his coat and quickly comes out of the office. Giles: I have a lead. Willow and Xander look up from doing their homework at the table. Giles: A friend in Oakland has a-a-a sketchy report of a . . . (grabs his overcoat) young girl fending off a group of vampires . . . (grabs his bag) about a week ago. (looks at his watch) There's a plane out in about an hour. Willow and Xander exchange a look. Xander: And what makes this different from the last nine leads? Giles: Well, I believe there's a meal on this flight. Xander: Look, I don't mean to poop the party here, it's just, you get your hopes all up, and then it's just a big fat raspberry, and I feel bad. Willow: But it's good that you're looking, though. You shouldn't give up. Xander: Oh, yeah. Definitely. Giles: Yes, one must try. Well, I-I-I should go. (rushes out) Willow: You don't think maybe he'll find her? Xander: I think he'll find her when she wants to be found. They go back to doing their homework. Cut to a street in L.A. at night. Buffy slowly walks along to her apartment. Behind her, Lily follows her. Lily: Anne? Buffy doesn't respond. Lily: (louder) Anne? Still no response from Buffy. Lily: Buffy? Buffy stops in her tracks. Lily catches up. Lily: Don't be mad. I won't turn you in or nothing. I guess you don't recognize me. Buffy: (thinks for a moment) Lily? Lily: I mean from before. I was calling myself Chantarelle then. I used to . . . (sighs) Well, I was in this cult that worshipped vampires. So lame, I know. Buffy: Yeah . . . I, uh, I remember. Lily: But . . . you kinda saved us. I never thanked you or anything. Buffy: Did you tell anyone who I was? Lily: Oh, no! Not-not even Rickie. I mean, I was so surprised to see you here, waiting tables . . . But I wouldn't tell. I know how it is when you gotta get lost. They start to walk again. Buffy: Do you, uh, do you live nearby? Lily: Well, there's a couple of places. Uh, they're abandoned, and a lot of people stay there. (pauses) So how come you came up with Anne? Buffy: It's my middle name. Lily: Lily's from a song. Rickie picked it. I'm always changing anyway. Chantarelle was part of my exotic phase. Buffy: It's nice. It's a . . .it's a mushroom. Lily: It is? That's really embarrassing. Buffy: Um, well, i-it's an exotic mushroom, if that's any comfort. Lily: Well, before that, I was following this loser preacher and calling myself "Sister Sunshine." Buffy: What do they call you at home? Lily looks away and doesn't respond. Buffy: I like Lily. Lily: It's cool for now. Hey, do you have any money? They stop, and Buffy gives her a surprised look. Lily: I didn't mean that like-- Well, I just mean . . . I know this guy, he's gonna have this kinda rave thing in his basement. We could go. I mean, I could show you if you had-- 'Cause I'm broke. Buffy: I-I don't think so. I just kind of . . . I want to be alone. Lily: I didn't mean to bug you. Buffy: No! I-I didn't, I didn't mean that, it's just . . . Well, a-a lot of people like that, it's, it's too much. Lily crosses her arms and looks very disappointed. Buffy looks down and starts to dig through her purse. Buffy: I-I do have the money, though, so, why don't you and Rickie go, and then maybe I could meet you some other time-- Lily raises her hands and waves off the offer. Lily: No. It's okay, it's okay. Forget about it. Just-- A homeless man rudely pushes his way between them. The two girls both stare after him. Lily: That's not very polite. The man turns around and looks blankly back at them. Buffy: Are you okay? Homeless man: I'm no one. He turns back around and walks into the traffic on the street. Buffy's eyes widen with concern. The man stops in the middle of a lane in front of an oncoming pickup truck and faces it, arms stretched wide. Buffy drops her bag and rushes into the street. The pickup driver honks his horn and slams on the brakes. The truck starts to skid. Buffy pushes the man out of the way in time to save him, but not in time to avoid getting h*t herself. She gets h*t hard in the legs by the bumper. Her body snaps down hard onto the hood of the truck and she slides into the windshield. She bounces back and slides off of the hood as the truck screeches to a halt. She hits the pavement, flips over backward and rolls to a stop in the middle of the street. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The street. The driver quickly gets out of the pickup cab and runs over to Buffy lying in the street, but Lily reaches her first. Buffy is on her hands and knees trying to get up. People from all around come rushing into the street. Lily: Are you okay? Driver: Jeez, I didn't see you. He takes her by the arms and helps her up. Lily: Oh . . . Maybe, maybe you shouldn't move. Driver: Maybe you should lie down. Buffy looks around nervously at all of the people gathering. Buffy: No, I'm fine. Driver: Somebody call an ambulance! Buffy holds up her hands to fend of everyone's help. Buffy: No! I'm okay, I just . . . I need to go. She runs off, apparently not the least bit hurt. Cut to further down the street. Buffy is walking at a brisk pace as she goes around a corner. There she bumps into Ken and knocks all of his leaflets onto the sidewalk. Ken: Whoa! (sees his leaflets) Oh . . . They both crouch down to pick up the papers. Ken: Where are you running to? Buffy: Sorry. Ken: Maybe I should ask, where are you running from? They've finished gathering up his leaflets and stand back up. Ken takes a good look at Buffy. Ken: You're pretty new around here. Uh, you've got the 'look', though. Buffy: The 'look'? Ken: Like you had to grow up way too fast. What's your name? Buffy: Anne. (pushes past him to go) Ken: Hey, um, I'm Ken. Here, go ahead, take one of these. He holds out a leaflet, and Buffy looks at it. It reads "Come home to Family Home", and has a drawing of a house and a silhouette of a man reaching out to hug a child. Ken: Don't be shy about stopping by. I mean, I guess you're not starving, but . . . we're not just interested in feeding the body. You might find something you're missing. Buffy: (looks up at him) I'm alright. Ken: (gives her a look of disbelief) Then why are you here? (Buffy looks away) This is not a good place for a kid to be. You get old fast here. (Buffy looks up at him knowingly) The thing that drains the life out of them is despair. I mean, kids come here, and they got nothing to go home to, and . . . this ends up being the last stop for a lot of them. (Buffy looks down the street) Shouldn't have to be that way. "Back to Freedom" by Bellylove starts playing as several sh*ts of homeless people are shown. Lyrics: Ooo-ooo-ooo / On my way to freedom A woman alone in the street, a boy and girl huddling together on the curb, a young boy begging from a businessman who rejects him as he walks by, a woman with a dirty face looking into the camera. Lyrics: I ask myself Cut to the Bronze. Bellylove is on stage performing their ballad. Lyrics: Why did I come again? / To find my own way to freedom The camera pans from above down to the singer, then over to the guitar player. Lyrics: And the change is gonna come / I'm gonna find my way / Find my way / Find my way back to freedom The camera pans around behind the singer, showing the people in the club. It's not a busy night. Xander is lounging on a couch off to the side. Willow is sitting in the loveseat set at a right angle to the couch. Lyrics: I'm gonna find my way / Find my way / Find my way / Find my way back to freedom The camera cuts closer to Xander and Willow. Xander: Boy, I'm glad we showed up for "Depressing Night." Willow: I wonder what she's doing right now. Xander: Oh, I know what she's doing. Gabbing to all of her friends about her passionate affair with Pedro the Cabana Boy, laughing about me, thinking how she still might have feelings about me. He glances over at Willow and sees her sadly raise her eyebrows at him. Xander: Oh, it's possible you were talking about Buffy. Willow: It's possible. The Bronze just never seems the same without her. Oz arrives, hands Xander a drink and sits down next to Willow. Xander: Yeah, and the slaying isn't getting any easier, either. Oz: I don't know. I think we're kinda getting a rhythm down. Xander: We're losing half the vamps. Oz: Yeah, but . . . rhythmically. Willow: We just need to work on our timing, I think. Xander: (looks up) No, I know what we need. Oz: A Vampire Slayer? Xander: Next best thing. Willow follows his gaze and sees Cordelia coming into the Bronze with a few friends. Lyrics: Ooo-ooo / My own way to freedom Xander: Bait. Cut to the Summers house. Cut inside. Joyce is writing out a few bills. She hears a knocking at the door, and looks up. She goes over to the door and answers it. She is surprised at who she sees standing there. Joyce: Uh, hello. Giles: Hello. Um, may I . . . (gestures inside) Joyce: Oh, uh, of course. (waves him in) Come on in. Giles: Thank you. (slowly walks into the living room) I've, uh, just come back from Oakland. A friend of mine called with a lead. Stories about someone fighting vampires. (takes off his glasses) It, uh, didn't pan out, I'm afraid. (starts to clean them) Joyce: (sighs) No Buffy. Giles: No vampires. Bunch of school kids in heavy mascara listening to extremely silly music. Joyce: Well, thank you for going. (steps into the living room and crosses her arms) I can hardly, uh . . . (exhales and smiles weakly) I can hardly leave the house. I'm just afraid she'll call and she'll need my help. Giles: (puts his glasses back on) Buffy is the most capable child I've ever known. I mean, she may be confused, u-unhappy, but I, uh, honestly believe she's in no danger. Joyce: (lowers her arms) I just wish I could talk to her. The last thing we did was fight. (fidgets with her hands) Giles: Joyce, you mustn't blame yourself for her leaving. Joyce: (nods) I don't. (takes a breath) I blame you. (exhales) Giles is taken aback. Joyce: You've been this huge influence on her, guiding her. You had this whole relationship with her behind my back. I feel like you've taken her away from me. Giles is speechless for a moment while he considers his answer. Giles: I didn't make Buffy who she is. Joyce: And who exactly is she? Giles just looks at her. Cut to Helen's Kitchen. Buffy is filling the sugar dispensers at the counter. Lily comes in and walks up to her. Lily: Buff--um, Anne? Can I talk to you? Buffy glances up at her, but doesn't stop her work. Buffy: Look, this really isn't a good time. Can it wait? Lily: Rickie's gone. I haven't seen him for more than a day. I--he's never left for that long. I think something's . . . happened. Maybe something's happened. Buffy: Well, did you call the police? Lily: (sighs) Rickie skipped out on his parole. Uh, they would just cause more trouble. Buffy: (exhales) I don't know, did you, did you ask around? Lily: Can you help me? Buffy: Uh, I-I can't. (walks away) Lily: (follows) But . . . but that's who you are and stuff, right? I mean, you help people, and, you know-- Buffy: I can't get into this. I'm sorry, Lily. Lily: You, you know how to do stuff. Buffy: I don't. (exhales) Not anymore. Lily: But . . . (whining) I don't know what to do. Cut to the blood bank. Lily and Buffy come in. Lily: We gave blood lots of times 'cause you get a few bucks. And they have cookies! Buffy: You're a fan of the sugar rush? Lily: (smiles) It's nice. Nurse: Hi. You here to donate blood? Buffy: Uh, we're looking for a friend. Lily: Rickie T.? We come in sometimes. Nurse: Rickie, sure. Uh, he's not here. Buffy: Well, do you know if he's been in the last day or so? Nurse: Well, let me check the sheet. Man: (off camera) Ow! Buffy looks squeamish as she looks over and sees him being stuck with a needle. Buffy: This'll probably go faster if we split up. Lily: (nods in agreement) Can I come with you? Buffy: Okay, where did I lose you on the whole "splitting up" thing? Lily: (smiles) Oh. Sorry. Buffy: I was thinking we could check out some of your hangouts and, um, I guess, meet later at my place. Lily: Okay. Nurse: Sorry, guys. He hasn't been here. Buffy: Thanks. Nurse: I'll tell him you were looking. Buffy: Great. They leave the blood bank. The nurse loses her friendly demeanor as she watches them go. She swallows and begins to look around nervously. Cut to a street at night. Cut to an abandoned building. A homeless man stirs from his sleep as he hears Buffy come in, but goes back to sleep when he sees it's not the cops. Buffy makes her way through the building, being careful not to step on anyone. Some of them watch her as she goes by. She walks slowly along a dark hall and turns a corner. She is startled by a man with his arms full walking the other way behind her. She continues along and soon notices an old man lying on the floor, d*ad. The same old man that Buffy earlier saved from the truck. Next to his head is an empty bottle of drain cleaner, an apparent su1c1de. Buffy kneels next to him and feels for a pulse. Nothing. She puts his arm down and sees that there's a tattoo of half a heart on his forearm with a banner across the heart and the name Lily tattooed on it. Buffy looks at the old man, confused. Buffy: Rickie? ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy's apartment. Lily is there waiting for her to return. She finds Buffy's stuffed duck and picks it up to stroke it. Buffy opens the door, comes in and closes it behind her. Lily puts the duck down and steps closer to Buffy. Lily: Did you find Rickie? I thought of--well, he likes to go to this movie house, you can get in around the back-- Buffy: (interrupting) Lily . . . I think he's d*ad. Lily: (very sad and lost) But . . . he takes care of me. Buffy: I'm sorry. Lily: We're gonna get a place. His cousin can get him a job at the car wash. Buffy: Lily, there's (exhales) there's something else. (sits on the bed) The, the person that I found . . . was old. He-he looked about eighty. Lily: Well, that's not Rickie! Buffy: I'm sure it was. I, I don't know how, but . . . it was like something drained the life out of him. Lily: Do you mean like a vampire? Buffy: No. A vampire couldn't accelerate the aging process. Maybe it was something in his blood. (has a thought) When was the last time you guys gave blood together? Lily: I don't understand. Maybe it's not Rickie, okay? Buffy: (stands up) Lily, this is something you're just gonna have to deal with. Lily: (flustered) But he didn't do anything wrong! Why would this happen to him? Buffy: That's *not* the point. (Lily calms a bit) These things happen all the time. You can't just . . . close your eyes and hope that they're gonna go away. Lily: Is it 'cause of you? Buffy: (confused) What? Lily: You know about . . . monsters and stuff. You could have brought this with you. Buffy: (very annoyed) I didn't bring anything with me. And I didn't ask for you to come to me with your problems. I just wanted to be left alone. If you can't deal, then *don't* lay it off on me! Lily can't take it. She holds up her hands to deny what she's hearing and walks out of the apartment. Buffy sighs, regretting raising her voice to Lily. Cut to the street. Lily stops walking and leans against the iron gates pulled across a storefront. Ken comes up behind her. Ken: Are you okay? Lily shakes her head, barely able to keep from crying. Ken: Hey, it's okay. Maybe I can help. Lily: (sniffles) You can't. (breathes deeply) Ken: Look, I know you all think I'm a big square handing out leaflets about hope. But hope is a real thing, just like despair. And hope can fill up a part of you that's missing. Lily: But Rickie . . . Ken: Rickie? Say, are you Lily? (smiles) Right! Right, he was talking about you. Lily: (faces him) You've seen Rickie? Ken: Oh, sure! Rickie's with us now. Lily: She said he was d*ad. Ken: Well, someone's sure handed you a tall tale. Rickie's no more d*ad than I am. Why don't you come to Family Home? We'll get you taken care of. Lily considers for a moment. Ken smiles at her, and she nods in agreement. He takes her by the arm and leads her away. Cut to the blood bank. A shadow appears on the other side of the frosted glass of the door. The camera pans down to the doorknob being jiggled. Suddenly it gets ripped out of the door. Cut to a filing cabinet. Buffy is looking through it to find Rickie's records. She grabs it and a few others, closes the cabinet and takes the folders over to a desk. She turns on a lamp and begins to go through them. First she pulls out Rickie's and opens it. She scans his latest donation form. It looks normal, except for the word "candidate" in the comments box. Buffy: Candidate for what? Behind her the nurse quietly walks in. Buffy opens another record and sees "candidate" again. Nurse: What are you doing? Buffy: Breaking into your office and going through your private files. (looks at another file) Candidate for what? Nurse: I'm calling the police. She steps toward Buffy to get to the phone. Buffy reaches over to the phone and yanks it off of the wall. It falls to the desk with its wires torn. Buffy: Now, you've got a whole bunch of candidates here. I wonder if any of them are missing like Rickie. (faces the nurse) Gosh, I bet they are. Nurse: You're getting yourself in a lot of trouble. Buffy: I don't want any trouble. I just want to be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one. Instead, I keep getting trouble, which I am more than willing to share. (the nurse looks at her nervously) What are you doing with these kids? Nurse: Nothing. I just . . . I give him the names of the healthy ones. Buffy: Give them to who? Cut to Family Home. Ken looks at Lily, who is wearing only a simple long tunic. Ken: Well, don't you look nice? Lily: I guess. Ken: Well, you don't want to wear your own outfit to the cleansing. It'll get soaked. Lily: A cleansing is like a baptism? Right? Ken: Not quite the same. Indicates the way. She follows him. Lily: Will I see Rickie after? Ken: Oh, of course. He's waiting for you. He's very excited. Cut to the Sunnydale cemetery. Xander, Cordelia, Willow and Oz walk along a pathway. Oz is twirling a stake. Cordelia: Why do I have to be bait? I'm always bait. Why can't Willow be bait? Xander: He's already seen Willow. And could you complain louder so that all the vampires leave? Oz: I think this is a good spot. They all stop and look around. Oz: Is everybody packin'? Willow and Xander each pull out a stake. Willow also has a cross. Oz: Let's do it. Willow, Oz and Xander split up and look for places to hide, leaving Cordelia alone out in the open. Cordelia is not liking this, and she quickly makes tracks after Xander. Cordelia: I'm doing this for Buffy's sake. This has nothing to do with you. Xander: Yeah, like I needed that cleared up. (finds a hiding place) Go away. This is my hiding spot. Cordelia: Where do I hide? Xander: You don't hide. You're bait. Go act baity. Cordelia: What's the plan? Xander: The vampire att*cks you. Cordelia: And then what? Xander: The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice. Willow overhears from her hiding place and sighs. Cordelia: Everything's a joke with you. Xander: No, just our relationship. Cordelia: What relationship? Willow looks down at her stake, contemplating using it on them. Andrew appears behind her and smiles evilly. Xander: Oh, that's right, I forgot. We actually want to bury that piece of the past, don't we? Andrew begins to sneak up on Willow. Cut to Family Home. The camera shows a small rectangular pool of what looks like black tar, and pans up from it to Ken and Lily walking into the room. Ken: We come to this station to wash away the past. Go ahead, kneel. He indicates the edge of the pool, and Lily kneels down. Ken squats next to her. Ken: We let the water run over the sin and the pain and the uncertainty. Lily: It looks kinda . . . dirty. Ken: (smiles) Yeah. Cut to the front door of Family Home. A man comes up to the door where another man is already listening to Buffy talk. Buffy: You know, I just . . . I woke up, and I looked in the mirror, and I thought, "hey, what's with all the sin? I need to change. I'm . . . I'm dirty. I'm, I'm bad with the . . . sex and the envy and that, that loud music us kids listen to nowadays. W--" (sees that the guy isn't buying it) Oh, I just suck at undercover. Where's Ken? The man tries to slam the door closed, but she kicks it open and it slams into his face instead. She marches in. Cut to Ken and Lily. She reaches down to the black water in the pool. For a moment she hesitates, but then puts her hand in. The liquid is thick and pitch-black, and her hand disappears in it. Buffy swings open the door, banging it loudly into the wall. Ken looks at her and stands up. Ken: This is a private moment. If you could just-- Buffy: How do you make 'em old, Ken? Do you feed on youth? What's the deal? Ken: Do you really wanna know? Lily: (looks back) What's going on? Buffy is surprised to see Lily there. Suddenly something grabs Lily. She screams as she is pulled into the pool and disappears into the black slime. Buffy runs to help, but Ken grabs her and chokes her with his arm around her neck. Buffy grabs his arm and tries to snap her body back to make him release her, but instead they just both fall into the pool as well. Cut to a dimly lit passageway. Buffy and Ken fall out of a black pool in the ceiling. Buffy briefly looks up at the pool, then looks around to see where she is. She sees Lily leaning against the wall holding her head. Buffy: Lily. She rolls over onto her hands and knees and quickly crawls over to Lily. Ken is faring worse, apparently hurt in the fall. Lily: (in pain) Oh . . . Buffy looks up at the pool in the ceiling. The waves from her fall through it are beginning to dissipate. Ken: Oh, my face! Buffy looks over at Ken. Ken: Ow! My face! He turns toward them and begins to pull his face and his hair off. Ken: Do you have any idea how hard it is to glue that thing on?! Beneath his mask Ken's face is red and his head is bald. There appear to be pieces of skin missing from his forehead, revealing the even redder flesh beneath. Lily begins to panic. Buffy starts to get to her feet and tries to pull Lily up with her. Ken stands up. Ken: (yells) Guards! Buffy takes Lily's hand and begins to run, pulling her along. Two guards show up. Their faces are even more mangled and raw-looking than Ken's. One of the guards hands Ken a club. They begin to pursue the girls. Buffy and Lily run through a maze of halls and come out on a ledge that overlooks what looks like a large iron works. There are huge vats of molten metal, sparks are flying through the air from one side, and it is hot and smoky. Buffy looks closer, and in the shadows sees people being used as sl*ve labor, kept in line by more guards with whips. The camera pans through the place showing zombie-like humans pounding the metal on anvils, pushing wheelbarrows from place to place and swinging sledgehammers. Some of them cough hard as they work. The guards watch and crack their whips every so often. Ken comes up behind Lily as she takes in the scene. Ken: Welcome to my world. I hope you like it. Buffy and Lily look back at him. He hits Buffy hard in the face with his club, knocking her out. Ken: (to Lily) You're never leaving. He smiles and licks his lips. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunnydale cemetery. Cordelia and Xander are still arguing. Xander: Let me just ask you one thing: how long did it take you to forget me? Were you still taxiing down the runway, or was it actually in the cab? Cordelia: Oh, yeah, Mr. Faithful? You probably met up with some hot little Inca Mummy Girl. Yeah! I heard about her. Xander raises his finger at her and is about to respond when they hear Willow get tackled to the ground and scream. Willow: Help! Their attention is immediately diverted to Willow, and they begin to run to her aid. Oz is quicker and beats them there. He jumps over Andrew and grabs him on the way, using his momentum to pull Andrew off of Willow and then throw him aside. Andrew and Willow both quickly get to their feet. Oz holds up his stake, ready to att*ck Andrew. Willow runs away. Oz lunges at Andrew, but he just diverts Oz to the side and sends him rolling to the ground. Next Xander comes at Andrew, stake held ready, but Andrew grabs his staking arm by the wrist with one hand and his shoulder with the other, and they begin to struggle. Cordelia watches them struggle, worried. Cordelia: Xander! She decides to join the fight, and att*cks Andrew from behind, pushing him and Xander down to the ground. They end up with Andrew sandwiched between Xander on the bottom and Cordelia on the top. With Cordelia's weight on top of him and Xander's leverage against the ground, Andrew can't hold back the stake any longer, and it plunges into his chest. He explodes into ashes between them, and Cordelia falls down on top of Xander. The two of them look at each other for an instant, then grab each other and start kissing passionately. Cut to Ken's world. Buffy is lying on the floor in a cell. Lily is sitting on the floor behind her leaning against a pillar. Buffy regains consciousness, rolls onto her side and feels her head where Ken h*t her. No blood, but she is still a bit dazed. Buffy: Oh. Unh . . . (slowly sits up) Lily? Lily: I always knew I would come here . . . sooner or later. I knew I belonged here. Buffy: (looks around) Where? Lily: Hell. Buffy: (turns her head toward Lily) This isn't Hell. Ken: (appears at the bars) Isn't it? Buffy spins her head around to look at Ken, but quickly regrets moving it so fast. Buffy: (in pain) Unh . . . (rubs her forehead) Ken: What is Hell but the total absence of hope? The substance, the tactile proof of despair. You're right, Lily. This is where you've been heading all your life. Just like Rickie. Lily: Rickie? Ken: He forgot you. Well, it took him a long time. He remembered your name years after he'd forgotten his own. But, in the end-- Lily: Years? But-- Ken: Oh. Uh, interesting thing: time moves more quickly here than in your reality. A hundred long years will pass here. On Earth, it's just a day. Buffy: So you just work us till we're too old and spit us back out. Ken: That's the plan. See, Lily, you'll die of old age before anyone wonders where you went. Not that anyone will, that's why we chose you. Buffy: You didn't choose me. Ken: No. But . . . I know you . . . *Anne*. So afraid. So pathetically determined to run away from whatever it is you used to be. (Buffy looks away) To disappear. Congratulations. (Buffy looks at him again) You got your wish. Cut to a personnel elevator. The huge steel door splits open, the upper half rising, the lower half sinking. A group of young slaves including Buffy and Lily is herded out. Buffy trips and falls to the floor. The other slaves stop walking. A guard starts to explain things to the new recruits as Buffy slowly gets back to her feet. Guard: You work, and you live. That is all. The guard has even less skin on his head than Ken. He's wearing a hood that looks like it's made of human skin sewn together. His chin and cheeks are exposed flesh and muscle, and he has no lips covering his teeth. Buffy is standing again, holding her head in pain. Guard: You do not complain or laugh or do anything besides work. Whatever you thought, whatever you were, does not matter. You are no one now. You mean nothing. The guard walks to one end of the group and faces the boy standing there. Behind them the elevator doors close with a slam. Guard: Who are you? Aaron: (afraid) Aaron. The guard whales hard on him with his club, and the boy grunts in pain and falls to the floor unconscious. Buffy immediately sobers, and stares intensely ahead. The guard advances to Lily. Guard: Who are you? Lily: (whimpers) No one. The guard continues to the next person. Guard: Who are you? Boy#2: (fearfully) No one. The guard reaches Buffy. Guard: Who are you? She looks up at him for a moment, and then smiles. Buffy: (friendly) I'm Buffy. The Vampire Slayer. And you are? The guard is incensed at her insubordination, and roars as he wields back his club to strike her. He swings at Buffy, but she sidesteps him and grabs his arm as he bends over from his follow-through. Buffy slams her other forearm down on the guard's, breaking it. He falls to the floor in pain. She picks up his club and swings it at another guard, striking him in the head. She swings again the opposite way at a third guard, hitting him in the gut. They both fall unconscious. Buffy looks over at the group of would-be slaves. Buffy: Anyone who's not having fun here, follow me. She starts to run, and the group follows her. Cut to a sh*t of the main iron works from above. The vats of molten metal glow brightly. There are sparks flying everywhere. Cut to the slaves working below. The camera pans up to a ledge where two guards are watching them work. Cut to a guard walking down a metal staircase. Buffy and the small group are hiding beneath it. Buffy: (looking up at the guards) There's no way we can get back up there without meeting new people. (looks at Lily) Okay. Lily, when those guards leave--and they will leave--I want you to take these people and get them up there, okay? Fast and quiet. Lily: You're leaving me? But-- Buffy: Lily . . . You can handle this. 'Cause I say so. Suddenly a siren begins to wail loudly. Buffy: We've gone public. Okay, quick, get them up. Go! Quiet! Lily begins to lead them away, but comes back. Lily: I'm sorry I said this was your fault before. Buffy: Lily, this can wait. Lily: Well, in case we die-- Buffy: Go! Go! Lily runs off to lead the group out. Buffy sees two guards coming for them and leads them away at a run. She winds around through the slaves still blindly working away. Guard: Get out of the way! The guards are big and bulky compared to her small figure darting through the maze, but they manage to keep up. Guard: Come on, get out of the way! She sees a pole jutting out of the floor and grabs onto it, swings around once and knocks one of the guards out with an aerial side kick. She lets go of the pole and begins to run again. She reaches a platform, shoulder rolls onto it and rises to a standing position. Her pursuer jumps up onto the stage and tries a backhand swing at her with his sledgehammer, but she ducks and blocks his second swing. The guard kicks up with his knee and gets Buffy in the stomach, stunning her. He punches her, making her fall to the floor. He takes a swing at Buffy's head, but she clamps her hands around the hammer's handle and yanks him up and over her. He slams down hard onto his shoulder and rolls off of the platform. Buffy still has his hammer and quickly gets to her feet. The two other guards on the ledge leave their post and begin to approach her. Cut to Lily leading the group to a set of stairs. She ushers them up. Lily: C'mon, c'mon, everybody go! Go! One after the other they quickly climb the stairs. Lily brings up the rear. On the platform Buffy continues to fight another guard. She quickly hits him in the head with a full spinning out-to-in crescent kick. He takes the blow hard and falls off of the platform. Still another guard takes a swing at Buffy's legs with his sledgehammer, but she jumps high to avoid the swing. Buffy swings her hammer into the guard's face, knocking him down. As he tries to get up, Buffy knocks him down again with a snapping roundhouse kick to his arm, kicking his hammer away in the process. The guard gets to his feet. Buffy swings her hammer in an uppercut, striking him in the jaw and sending him flying off of the platform in a backflip. Yet another guard jumps up onto the platform and tackles Buffy, struggling to get the hammer out of her hands. Cut to a ledge. Ken and two more guards come out to see what's going on. Ken can't believe what he is seeing. Cut below. Buffy does a roundhouse kick to the guard's face, and he stumbles backwards. Another guard comes up to the edge of the platform holding a battle-ax with a curved blade. He looks at the fighting for a moment, then moves to jump up onto the platform. Cut to Ken on the ledge. Ken: Humans don't fight back. Cut below. The guard on the platform tries to pound Buffy's head with his club, but she holds her hammer high, blocking his att*ck and making him drop his w*apon. Ken: (enraged) Humans don't fight back! Buffy swings down with her hands, carrying the guard's hands as well. She grabs him by the neck, spins around once and throws him through the air. He hits a steel beam and slumps to the ground. The guard with the battle-ax is up on the platform now and takes a wide swing with it at Buffy, but she leans aside and he misses. Ken: That's how this works! Buffy manages to duck the guard's next swing, avoiding decapitation. He swings again from above, but she blocks his att*ck with her hammer, and the head of the ax embeds itself in the handle. Buffy performs a front snap kick that dislodges the ax and knocks the w*apon out of the guard's hands and spinning up into the air. She kneels down and knocks his legs out from under him with her hammer. While she's crouched, she looks up at the battle-ax as it falls and catches the airborne w*apon. She gets to her feet, as does her assailant. Buffy does another roundhouse kick to his face, and he goes flying off of the platform. Ken: (to the guards with him) Get down there! The two guards run to obey. On the platform the camera pans in close to Buffy as she looks around, temporarily without an opponent. Suddenly a guard jumps up. Buffy swings a backhand punch at his head, but he blocks it and shoves her arm out of the way. He punches her with a backhand fist. She stumbles a little but recovers in time to duck his second swing at her head. She does a side kick to his rear that sends him off of the platform. Two more guards try to climb onto the platform. Buffy crouches and quickly throws her battle-ax spinning end over end at one of them. It slices deeply into his chest, and the power behind her throw sends him falling off of the platform. The other guard tries a wide swing, but Buffy blocks it, grabs onto his arm and sends him somersaulting through the air and off of the platform. Another guard att*cks. Buffy smashes her elbow into his nose and follows it up with a full spin and a backhand punch to the head. He falls down awkwardly. Another one leaps up and catches Buffy unaware with a high punch to her face. She stumbles backwards but doesn't fall. Two more guards join him and try to surround her. Buffy snap kicks one in the face and side kicks another. Buffy does a full spinning hook kick to the third, smacking him soundly in the skull. Cut to the ledge. Ken is disgusted with what he sees and goes back through the door. Cut below. One of the guards punches Buffy hard in the face, and she staggers. He grabs her by the neck while she's trying to regain her balance and yanks her head up fast and hard. He holds her while two other guards punch her in the stomach. Cut to a dimly lit corridor. The group of slaves runs down it, trailed by Lily. They round a corner. As Lily is about to follow them, Ken grabs her from behind, pulls out a large Kn*fe and holds it to her neck. She doesn't struggle as he leads her off back to the ledge. Cut to the platform. The guards keep on punching Buffy. Finally she is able to retaliate and swings an arm out, backhand punching two of them and high punching the third, knocking him down. She swings her arm out in a wide arc and hits the first two with the one blow, knocking them down as well. A fourth guard roundhouse kicks her in the stomach, and she steps back to regain her balance. He latches onto her arm and tries to throw her, but Buffy reverses the move and manages to throw him off of the platform instead. A guard dives headfirst for Buffy's legs. She leaps up and pulls her legs up into a tuck jump over him. He dives right underneath her. Buffy runs and jumps off of the platform, grabbing a pole. It bends under her weight, and she rides it down to the floor below. She begins to run, and the chase is on again. She doesn't get very far when she looks up and sees Ken coming back out onto the ledge holding his Kn*fe to Lily's neck. Buffy stops in her tracks. The guards chasing her quickly catch up and grab her by the arms. Ken: One of you fights . . . and you all die! He lets go of Lily and pushes her aside. He stares intently down at Buffy. Ken: That . . . was not . . . permitted. Buffy: Yeah, but it was fun. Ken: (smiles) You've got guts. I think I'd like to slice you open and play with them. He holds up his Kn*fe and addresses everyone in the area. Ken: Let everyone know! Lily cowers behind him. Ken seems to have forgotten that she's there. Ken: *This* is the price of rebellio-- Lily pushes him from behind, and he falls screaming from the high ledge to the floor below. The guards holding Buffy just watch as he hits bottom with a loud thud. Buffy gives Lily a surprised look, and then quickly takes advantage of the distraction and backhand punches her captors, one in the face and the other in the groin. While the second one is dazed, she shoves her weight against him, and he falls backward onto a barrel. The first one punches high, but she blocks, grabs his arm and flips him over onto a pile of burlap sacks. Buffy jumps up onto the pile and steps across her fallen attacker. He tries to grab her, but misses. She jumps high into the air and grabs hold of a heavy chain hanging from above. She climbs it hand-over-hand as quickly as she can to the ledge where Lily is still standing. The two of them run through the door and quickly find their way to the others, struggling with a heavy iron gate. Lily: They'll be coming. Buffy crouches down and takes hold of the gate, bracing herself for a very heavy lift. She begins to raise the gate, straining as she goes. Buffy: (grunts) Okay . . . this . . . works . . . the abs . . . and . . . the glutes. (grunts) As soon as she gets it high enough, Lily waves to the others to crawl underneath. They all scramble to the other side. Buffy: I'm gonna feel this for a week! She holds the gate up over her head and squeezes her head and shoulders between two of the bars to get to the other side. Suddenly Ken appears behind her, bloodied from his fall, and tackles her to the floor. His club goes flying. The gate falls down behind him. He suddenly arches up and screams in pain. Buffy rolls to a stop out of his reach. She gets to her hands and knees and looks over at him as he continues to scream in pain. The camera pans from his bloody face over his back and to his legs, where two of the gate's bars have impaled themselves through his calves. The slaves help each other up through the black slime of the pool in the ceiling. Buffy gets to her feet and picks up Ken's club. She approaches him, and he arches his back to look up at her. Ken: You've *ruined* . . . You . . . Buffy: Hey, Ken, wanna see my impression of Gandhi? She wields back the club and brings it down hard onto his head, crushing his skull. Lily comes up behind her and looks at him squeamishly. Lily: Gandhi? Buffy: Well, you know, if he was really pissed off. Cut to the pool room at Family Home. The homeless people walk out of the room. Lily is kneeling by the pool helping Buffy out. She yanks her legs from the slime and rolls onto the floor. They both get up and look at the pool. Lily: (points) What do we do about-- With a flash of light, the pool mysteriously tiles itself over to match the tiles along the edges. It now appears to be a six-inch (15 cm) deep, empty ceremonial pool. The two girls just stare at it in wonder. Cut to Buffy's apartment. Buffy has finished cleaning herself up in the kitchen. Lily is looking at the folding doors that separate the kitchen from the rest of the apartment. Buffy: Let me give you the tour. She walks into the main room and slowly turns to face Lily. Buffy: This concludes our tour. Lily leans against the wall. Lily: It's really nice. Buffy leans against the dresser. Buffy: All the rent's paid up for the next three weeks. She turns around and opens one of the dresser drawers. Buffy: I spoke to Mitch at the diner. (pulls out her uniform) He said you can start on Thursday. (steps over to the bed) He's, uh . . . (lays down the uniform) he's kind of . . . repulsive, but, uh, he won't give you a hard time. Lily sits down on the bed and puts her hand on the uniform. Buffy: Um . . . I'll call and check up on you. Lily: I'm not . . . great (looks at Buffy) at taking care of myself. Buffy: Gets easier. Takes practice. She looks down sadly. Lily knows the feeling. She looks back down at the uniform and the nametag pinned to it. Lily: Hey . . . Buffy looks up at her. Lily: Can I be 'Anne'? She smiles at Buffy. Buffy smiles back. Cut to the kitchen at the Summers house. Joyce is trying to get a stuck utensil out of the dishwasher. There's a knock at the door, and Joyce looks up startled. She frowns at the fork she pulled out and puts it down. She gets up, grabs a towel and heads for the front door, wiping her hands. In the dining room she pauses and looks toward the door, suddenly wondering who might be there. She drapes the towel over a chair and slowly goes to the door. When she opens it, there stands Buffy, looking sad, tired and disheveled. For a long moment they just look at each other without saying a word. Then they step toward each other and hold each other close for a long, tight embrace.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x01 - Anne"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy's room. She takes the last of her things out of her bag, walks over to her closet and dumps them in. She turns around and looks at the room that she's missed so much for the last few months. It all seems so familiar, and yet not. Certainly it's too neat and clean. She reaches into her closet for a sweater and heads over to her mother's room. Cut to Joyce's room. She's hammering a nail into the wall by the window to hang an ancient tribal mask. Buffy steps into the room. Buffy: Mom? Joyce is very startled and jumps, accidentally slamming the hammer through the drywall. Joyce: Oh! Buffy. Buffy cringes at the sight of the hole in the wall. Her mother pulls the hammer out and turns to face her, smiling while still holding the hammer in one hand, the mask in the other. Joyce: Um . . . Buffy: Sorry. Joyce: No, no. Don't worry about it. I-I guess I just got used to all the quiet while you were gone. (smiles) But it's no problem. She looks down at the mask in her hand, and turns around to hang it on the wall over the hole. It's carved from a reddish wood with cutouts for eyes, which are slanted inward to appear very evil. There are a series of long, pointed teeth with extra long fangs for incisors set into the upper lip. There is no lower jaw portion. Joyce: Uh, look! (hangs the mask on its hook) It's, uh, Nigerian. (faces Buffy again) We got a very exciting shipment in at the Gallery. (glances around the room) I, um, thought I'd hang a few pieces in here. It cheers up the room. Buffy: (looking at the mask) It's angry at the room, Mom. It wants the room to suffer. Joyce: (nods) You have no appreciation of primitive art. (sees that Buffy is holding a sweater) You going out? Buffy: (looks down at the sweater) Oh. Um . . . well, i-if it's okay. I, um . . . I'd like to find Willow and Xander. Joyce: Will you be slaying? Buffy: Only if they give me lip. (smiles weakly) Joyce: Uh, can I make you a sandwich or something before you go? You must be starving. Buffy: I was un-until that four-course snack you served me after dinner. Joyce: Well, then, um . . . (goes to her dresser) You know, w-why don't I drive you? (grabs her keys) Uh, I mean, they could be anywhere. Buffy: Mom . . . if you don't want me to go, just say so. Joyce: No, no. (looks down at her keys briefly) I-I just want to put this whole thing behind us, get back to normal. (inhales deeply) You go. Have a good time. Buffy: Okay. She smiles and gives her mom a nervous little wave, then leaves the room. Cut to an alley. A truck drives by. Behind it Buffy walks along, looking around. She hears something fall to the ground and break, and stops to look in the direction of the sound. Slowly she starts to walk in that direction. Cut to an intersection in the alley. Buffy comes around the corner and looks down the adjoining way. There she sees a man dressed in black, walking suspiciously, as though looking for something. She begins to follow silently, but doesn't notice an empty aluminum can on the pavement, and steps on it. The man reacts instantly to the noise, spins around and swings at her with a stake. Buffy throws up her arms and cross blocks the swing, then deftly takes the stake from the man's hands and raises it to counter att*ck. He steps back, and the white cross hanging from his neck swings around, standing out in marked contrast to the rest of his attire. Buffy sees that it's Xander, and stays her att*ck. Xander is taken completely by surprise and just stares back at her. Buffy: (lowers the stake) Didn't anyone ever warn you about playing with pointy sticks? (shakes it at him) It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Xander: You shouldn't sneak up on people like that! He breathes hard, trying to catch his breath. He looks at her, trying to convince himself that it's really her, and finally manages a weak smile. Xander: Jeez, Buff! Suddenly a vampire smashes his way out of a crate leaning against a wall. He lunges at Xander and Buffy, knocking them and himself to the pavement. Xander quickly tries to grab the vampire as he gets up, but the demon grabs Xander instead and pulls him up. He draws his fist back for a punch, but Buffy jumps in and hits the vampire in the stomach with a powerful side kick, making him fall backwards into a pile of trashcans and bags. Cordelia's voice comes over the walkie-talkie at Xander's belt. Cordelia: Come in, Nighthawk! Everything okay? Buffy: (taken aback) Nighthawk? The vampire is back on his feet and comes at them. Buffy: Ooh! He tackles Xander and sends him reeling backwards into a chain link fence. Buffy tries to stake him, but he sidesteps her and shoves her into the fence as well. Xander tries to come up behind him, but the vampire swings out with a backhand fist to Xander's face, knocking him to the ground. Buffy gets to her feet and sweep blocks two punches from the demon. She high clocks his third punch and gets a hand under his chin to hold him at bay. He pushes her back into the fence as the two struggle for control. Now Willow, Cordelia and Oz come running. The two girls grab the vampire by the arms and drag him off of Buffy and across the alley, slamming him hard into a steel roll-up door. Buffy catches her breath as she looks on in astonishment. The vampire growls at the girls as Oz tries to move in with a stake, but the vamp roundhouse kicks Oz, sending him to the pavement next to Xander. He then shoves Cordelia away, and Buffy quickly moves to catch her so she won't get hurt. The vampire then throws Willow aside, and she falls onto Xander and Oz. Cordelia: (recognizes) Oh, hey, Buffy. Buffy pushes her aside and wields back her stake when she sees the vampire come after them. Cordelia loses her balance and falls to the pavement next to Willow. Buffy plunges her stake cleanly into the vampire, and he bursts into ashes. As the dust settles down, she looks over at her friends staring up at her from the ground. They are all breathing hard. Buffy gives them a little wave and a weak smile. Buffy: Hey, guys. They just keep staring back. Xander lets his head drop back to the pavement. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Giles' apartment building. C ut to outside his door. The kids are all standing there. Buffy: You know, I--maybe it's too late. Maybe we should just come back tomorrow. No one makes a move to go. Buffy looks at the door, then back at the others. Buffy: What if he's mad? Xander: Mad? Just because you ran away and abandoned your post and your friends and your mom and made him lay awake every night worrying about you? (to Oz and Willow) Maybe we should wait out here. Buffy gives him a look. She turns around to face the door, reaches for the knocker and taps it a few times. Cut inside. Giles opens the door and sees Buffy standing there flanked by the others. His face remains expressionless for a long moment. Xander: (to Giles) Check it out. The Watcher is back on the clock. (Giles slips on his glasses) And just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a . . . a looker or a . . . a seer. Giles: Thank you, Xander. He looks at his Slayer. Giles: Welcome home, Buffy. Buffy smiles up at him. He pulls the door open further and steps back so they can all come in. Cut to Giles' living room. Oz, Willow, Buffy and Xander are all on he couch. Cordelia is sitting in a facing chair. Giles is leaning on the backrest of another chair. Buffy: I got in a few hours ago, but I wanted to go see my mom first. Giles: Yes. Yes, of course. How, how did you find her? Buffy: Well, I pretty much remembered the address. Giles: Ah, eh, I mean, uh . . . The teakettle in his kitchen begins to whistle. Giles: How are things between you? (notices the whistling) Ah. Excuse me. (goes into the kitchen) Oz: Hey, so you're not wanted for m*rder anymore. Buffy: Good. That was such a drag. Xander: So where were you? Did you go to Belgium? Buffy: (gives him an odd look) Why would I go to Belgium? Xander: I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you? (smiles hugely and giggles) Belgium! They both laugh. Cut into the kitchen. Giles gets the cups out of his cupboard. He smiles as he listens to the conversation in the living room, pleased that they are getting along so well again so quickly. Buffy: What about you, Xander? What's up with you? Xander: Oh, you know, same old, same old. Giles removes his glasses and leans with his arm against the cupboard, enjoying the sound of his Slayer's voice again after so many months. Cordelia: Hardly. Xander: Okay, I lied, a whole lot is new. Buffy: Well, that's good, isn't it? New is good. Giles shakes himself out of his reverie and puts his glasses back on. Xander: Oh, yeah, absolutely, except for the obvious. It's not too much . . . (inaudible) Cordelia: Yeah, 'cause you weren't at the hotel. Giles lifts up the serving tray and takes it into the living room. Xander: Cordelia's parents dragged her onto a luxury vacation. Buffy: I feel for you. Giles: Here we are then. (sets the tray on the coffee table) Cheer us up. He sits down in his chair and takes the teapot. Buffy and Xander each take a cookie from the tray. Cordelia: So were you, like, living in a box, or what? Buffy: Well, it's a long story. Xander: So skip the heartwarming stuff about kindly old people and saving the farm and get right to the dirt. Giles: (pours several cups) Perhaps Buffy could use a little time to adjust before we grill her on her summer activities. Buffy: What he said. Xander: Fair enough. In fact, you can leave the slaying to us while you settle in. We got you covered. Buffy: I noticed. You guys seem down with the slayage, all tricked out with your walkies and everything. Cordelia: Yeah, but the outfits suck. This whole Rambo thing is so over. I'm thinking more sporty, like Hilfiger maybe. Willow: Still, we were getting good. We dusted (nods) nine out of ten. Oz: (whispers to Willow) Six out of ten. Willow: Six out of ten. Xander: Whatever, we were kicking a little undead booty. Buffy: Well, thank you for the offer, but I think I just wanna get back to my normal routine. You know, school, slaying . . . kid's stuff. In fact, I'm jonesing for a little brainless fun. (to Xander) What are you doing tomorrow? Xander: Oh, I would, but, uh, (reaches his hands around Cordelia's arm) I'm kind of tied up. (smiles) Cordelia: You wish. (pushes him away) Xander sits back into the couch, embarrassed. Buffy: (to Willow) Will? Willow: Um, tomorrow I-- Buffy: Oh, come on. Friends don't let friends browse alone. Willow: Okay. I had some schoolwork, but . . . I can change my plans. Giles: (raises his cup) As for school, Buffy, uh, you know you'll have to talk to Principal Snyder before-- Buffy: On it. Mom is making an appointment with His Ugliness. I know she can break him. Giles looks up from his tea and gives her an unsure little grin. Cut to Principal Snyder's office at Sunnydale High. Snyder looks at Joyce and Buffy intently from behind his desk. Snyder: Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. Joyce: But you can't keep her out of school. You don't have the right. Snyder: I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly. Joyce: Buffy was cleared of all those charges. Snyder: Yes. And while she may live up to the not-a-m*rder requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to . . . (his eyes glaze over for an instant) I'm sorry. Another tingle moment. (smiles smugly) Joyce: (with controlled anger in her voice) I don't see how you can be so cavalier about a young girl's entire future! Snyder: I'm quite sure that a girl with the talents and abilities of Buffy will land on her feet. In fact, (leans toward Buffy) I noticed as I came in this morning that Hot Dog on a Stick is hiring. (Buffy gives him an angry stare) You will look so cute in that hat. Buffy: Let's go, Mom. She gets up and walks toward the door. Her mother stands up and faces Snyder. Joyce: This isn't over. If I have to, I'll go all the way to the Mayor. (follows Buffy out) Snyder: Wouldn't that be interesting. Cut to Sunnydale's shopping district across the street from the Espresso Pump. Buffy and Joyce pull up to the curb in their Jeep. Joyce: Don't worry about school, honey. If we can't get you back into Sunnydale, maybe we can swing private school. Buffy: Private school? You mean, like jackets and kilts? You want me to get field hockey knees? Joyce: (smiles) It's not that bad. Buffy: What about home schooling? You know, it's not just for scary religious people anymore. Joyce: We'll work something out. Okay? They lean toward each other and kiss goodbye. Joyce: Say hi to Willow? Buffy nods as she releases her seatbelt and gets out of the car. Cut to later, still in front of the cafe'. Buffy is standing and waiting for Willow. She checks her watch, and then lets her arms droop, disappointed. She walks over to a bench and sits down to watch and wait for her friend. She watches all the people going by. Her expression starts to get sad and a little bit annoyed as she checks her watch again. Cut to Buffy's house, much later. She walks up the path toward the house. The front door opens, and Buffy sees a woman come out and pull the door closed behind her. She looks at her, confused. The woman sees her and smiles. Pat: Oh, my word! Oh, you must be Buffy! (steps down from the porch) Look at you. Aren't you a picture? Buffy: (unsure) Thank you. Pat: Oh, I'm Pat, (offers her hand) from your mom's book club. (they shake hands) I'm sure she mentioned me. Buffy: Actually-- Pat: I, um, I sort of took it upon myself to look after her while you were, (rolls her eyes) you know, off and away or what have you, and . . . Buffy looks aside, not believing this conversation. Pat: (inhales) Well, between, uh, (exhales) your situation and reading 'Deep End of the Ocean', she was, uh, she was just a wreck. You can imagine. Buffy gives her a thin smile and a weak nod. Pat: Anyway, I'm off. We're-we're making empanadas in my Spanish class tonight. (giggles) You go be with your mom. You two need to rebond. She smiles and goes on her way. Cut inside to the kitchen. Buffy comes in and sets her purse on the island. Joyce is taking some notes from a book. Buffy: Pat wishes us quality time. (goes to the cupboard) Joyce: Oh. I met her in a-- Buffy: Book club. (gets out a glass) Joyce: Yeah. Buffy: Got it. Joyce: (looks up) Oh, uh, before I forget, uh, Willow just called. Buffy: (suddenly attentive) Where was she? Joyce: Uh, she, she got held up, but she said she tried to call. Buffy: (confused) Was there a message? She steps over to the fridge and gets out a pitcher. Joyce: No. But I had a thought. What if I invited Willow and Mr. Giles and everybody over for dinner tomorrow night? (smiles) Don't you think that would be nice? Buffy just opens the pitcher and pours herself a drink. Joyce: Since I sort of already did, I was hoping for a yes. Buffy looks up at her mom and gives her a little smile and a nod. Buffy: It'll be fun. (loses her smile) Joyce: Great. Uh, do me a favor? Run down and get the company plates. Buffy: Mom, Willow and everybody aren't company-plate people. They're normal-plate people. Joyce: We never have guests for dinner. Indulge your mother? Buffy just sighs and heads for the basement door. Cut to the basement. Buffy grabs a stepstool and sets it down in front of an old bookcase full of stuff. She steps up on it and notices a picture on an upper shelf. She pulls it out into the light. It's a photo of her with Willow and Xander. They are on a lawn, and she is sitting with Willow behind her and Xander laying his head on her legs with his eyes turned up at her. She looks at it for a long moment, remembering the time it was taken. She then puts it back and looks up where the good china is. She reaches for the box and starts to pull it down, when a d*ad and rotting cat suddenly falls off of it. Buffy: Oh! She jerks her head forward, and the cat falls behind her to the floor. She looks down at it squeamishly. Buffy: Eww. Cut to the backyard. Buffy grunts as she shovels out a bunch of dirt among some bushes to make a shallow grave for the cat. Buffy: Next time, I get to pick the mother-daughter bonding activity. Joyce lifts a bag with the cat over the hole and drops it in. Joyce: Do you wanna say something? Buffy: Like what? Thanks for stopping by and dying? Joyce: How about, um . . . good-bye, stray cat, who lost its way. We hope you find it. Buffy accepts that and turns back to the hole to fill it back in. Cut to Buffy's room at 11:34 that night. She reaches over to the lamp on her nightstand and turns it off. She lies back in her bed and hugs the covers to herself. She looks around in the dark, lonely room and waits to fall asleep. Cut to Joyce's room. She is sound asleep in her bed. The camera pans up from her and over to the Nigerian mask on the wall. Its eyes begin to glow a deep red. Cut to the bushes in the backyard. The dirt covering the d*ad cat begins to move. A moment later the cat pokes its head through the soil, meows menacingly and claws its way out. Once out, it continues hissing and growling as it walks off. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High. Buffy walks into the hall from outside. The door closes behind her with an echoing clang, startling her. She looks back at it, but then continues walking. The school is deserted. She walks past the empty lounge toward the library. The doors are wide open, and she looks in for a moment. It's just as deserted as the rest of the school. Cut outside. The sun shines brightly down on the quad. Buffy slowly walks down the outside stairs, all the while looking around for any indication that anyone else is there. When she reaches the bottom of the stairs she turns out into the quad. She stops when she sees Angel coming toward her, but then keeps walking as he gets behind her and follows her across the quad. Buffy: I thought they'd be here. Angel: They are. They're waiting for you. Buffy: (looks at him) Am I dreaming? Angel: (smiles and chuckles) I'm probably the wrong person to ask. (Buffy looks ahead again) You'd better go. Buffy: (looks at him) I'm afraid. Angel: (shrugs and looks at her) You should be. He stops walking and watches her go. The school bell rings. Cut to Buffy's room. The school bell blends into the sound of her alarm buzzer going off. Buffy wakes from her dream. She turns over and looks at her alarm clock. 7:00am. She reaches over and turns it off. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy stares into the refrigerator while she listens to her mother talking. Joyce: I've been on the phone with the, uh, Superintendent of Schools. At least he seems more reasonable than that nasty little horrid, bigoted, rodent-man. Buffy: Mom . . . Joyce: Anyway, um, I'm going in to speak with him this afternoon. Uh, as for private schools, uh, Miss Porter's accepts late admissions. Buffy closes the fridge and turns to give her mom a look. Joyce: I, uh, I wrote the information down for you. Buffy: A girls' school? (goes to the island to read the slip of paper) So now it's jackets, kilts, and no boys? (looks back at her mom) Care to throw in a little foot-binding? Joyce sets down her coffee mug and steps over to her daughter. Joyce: Buffy, you made some bad choices. You just might have to live with some consequences. Buffy looks down at the island, knowing that her mom is right. Joyce: Nothing's settled yet. (looks for something to do and spies the trash) I just wish you didn't have to be so secretive about things. (ties off the trashbag) I mean, it's not your fault you have a special circumstance. They should make allowances for you. Buffy: Mom, I'm a slayer. It's not like I need to ride a little bus to school. Joyce: (walks to the door with the trash) Couldn't you just tell a few people, like Principal Snyder . . . and maybe the police? Buffy looks at her like she's got to be kidding. Joyce: I mean, I would think they would be happy to have a . . . a superhero. Buffy can't believe her ears. Joyce: Is that the right term? I mean, it's not offensive, is it? She opens the door to take out the trash, and gasps in fright when she sees the d*ad cat run in. It stops and meows at them menacingly. Cut to later at the front door. Buffy opens it to admit Giles holding a cage. Buffy: Welcome to the Hellmouth Petting Zoo. She indicates upstairs. Giles looks up and starts to climb the stairs while Buffy closes the door behind him. She follows him up. Cut to Joyce's bedroom. The cat is hiding under the bed. Giles grabs it by the back of its neck and pulls it out. Giles: Oh, my God, what a stench! He takes the cat over to the cage, puts it in and closes the latch. Buffy: You know, I wanted Forest Pine or April Fresh, but Mom wanted d*ad Cat. Joyce looks at the cat, grossed out by its appearance and smell. Giles: I'll, uh . . . He steps back for a moment, overcome by the stench. Giles: Ugh! I'll get it back to the library, see if we can determine its exact origins. He lifts the cage and turns to face Joyce. She looks at it, then up at Giles. He notices the mask on the wall behind her. Giles: It's, uh . . . striking and . . . Nigerian. Joyce: Oh. Yes. I-I-I have this wonderful dealer who specializes in ancient artifacts, I don't know if you-- Buffy: (interrupts) You know, I love art talk as much as the next very dull person, but we have work to do, Giles. Research mode. (heads for the door) Giles: Sh-sh-shouldn't you stay with your mother, perhaps, Buffy? I mean, you must have-- Joyce: Please, no. I, it's fine. She can go with you. Giles: A-actually, she can't. Um . . . (to Buffy) you're not allowed on school property. Buffy: Oh. (smiles ironically) Giles: I'm sorry. Um, uh . . . I'll, I'll call as, as soon as I know something. He reaches for the doorknob. The cat growls and hisses. Joyce: Oh, we'll see you tonight? Giles: Tonight, then. Yes. He opens the door and leaves. Cut to the library. The caged cat is on the table. Oz is inspecting it closely, apparently not bothered by its stench. Willow is engrossed in research. Cordelia keeps her distance while Xander shares Oz's fascination, but from a bit further off. Oz: It looks d*ad. It smells d*ad. (Xander nods in agreement) Yet it's movin' around. That's interesting. Cordelia: Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything? (sits opposite Willow to help research) Giles: (comes down from the stacks) I'm trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I'm going to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk. Oz: Well, I like it. I think you should call it Patches. Willow: What about Buffy's welcome home dinner tonight? I had told her mom we'd help out. Bring stuff. Cordelia: I'm the dip. Everyone looks at her. She doesn't notice and continues reading. Xander: Uh, you gotta admire the purity of it. (chuckles) Cordelia: (looks up at everyone) What? Onion dip. Stirring, *not* cooking. It's what I bring. Oz: (leans back in his chair) We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny? Cordelia: What's the difference? Oz: Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, (nods to Cordelia) dip, (Cordelia smiles) less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny. Xander: Well, I hate brie. Cordelia: I know. It smells like Giles's cat. Giles: It's not my-- Xander: (interrupts) And what'll we talk about at a gathering anyway? 'So, Buffy, did you meet any nice pimps on your travels? And oh, by the by, thanks for ruining our lives for the past three months.' Willow: Xander . . . Xander: You know what I mean. She doesn't want to talk about it, we don't want to talk about it, so why don't we just shut up and dance? Willow: Well, Buffy said she did want to loosen up, you know, have some kid time. (to Oz) Aren't you guys rehearsing tonight? Why don't you play at the party? Oz: Yeah, I think I could supply some Dingo action. Giles: Uh, I-I'm not sure that, a, a, um . . . shindig . . . Oz: Hootenanny. Giles: H-hootenanny i-i-is really the order of the day. Uh, uh, it should . . . maybe something a little more intimate. I-I-I mean, Buffy has just got home. I'm, I'm sure she's still feeling a little disoriented. Willow: All the more reason to make her feel welcome, a-and a big party says, 'Welcome, Buffy.' Xander slaps Giles on the back. Giles turns to give him a look. Xander: Okay, so one vote from the Old Guy for a Smelly Cheese Night, and how many votes for actual fun, huh? Everyone but Giles raises their hand and smiles. Giles: Alright, alright. Have it your way. I'm just glad to have her home. The cat meows again. Giles continues to page through a book. Giles: Now things can get back to normal. He flips a page, but looks over at the cat instead. On the page is a drawing of Joyce's mask. He flips another page before turning his attention back to it. Cut to the Summers house. Cut inside to the dining room. The table is beautifully set with Joyce's best china, crystal and silverware. Buffy is dressed up for the occasion. She is putting the last setting into place when the doorbell rings. She looks over the table one last time and then goes to open the door. Through the window she sees Pat waiting there, holding a large plastic food container. Buffy opens the door. Pat: Hey, there you are! (comes in) Not thinking about any more flights of fancy, I hope. Buffy can't believe her comments, and just closes the door. Pat: Joyce said there was room for one more, so I said forget facial night and let's party! (smiles) I bet you like empanadas. She holds out the container to Buffy, who takes it and gives her a fake smile. Buffy: Do you want to see my mom? Pat: Please. Buffy: (whining loudly and frantically) MOM! Pat looks up the stairs and sees Joyce appear at the top. Joyce: Oh, Pat! Good. Buffy, I hope you don't mind. The two women embrace. Pat: Hi! You look great! The doorbell rings again, and taking the empanadas under one arm, Buffy turns around to answer it. It's Devon with the band. Devon: Hey, Buffy. So where do you want the band to set up? He walks into the living room and looks around for a good spot. Buffy: Wh-the band? Two girls follow him in carrying parts of the drum set. Cut to later. Lots of people are there, and the party is in full swing. Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) are set up in the corner of the living room and are playing "Never Mind." The camera pans from the drummer past Oz on his guitar and Devon at his mic into the crowd. Half of Sunnydale High must be in attendance, the place is so densely packed with people. The camera settles on Willow leaning against a table and smiling at Oz while moving to the b*at of the music. The camera turns back into the crowd and follows a party guest until she passes Buffy. Buffy looks around at all of the people, not sure who half of them are, trying to find Willow. She spots her, and walks up to her. Buffy: Hey! Willow: (smiling) Hey! (listens to the band) Lyrics: You can send me a savior Buffy: This is large! Willow: (looks at Buffy) You like? Lyrics: That lives till the end of time Buffy: Yeah. It's great. (looks back at the band) I-I was just sort of hoping it would be . . . us. Lyrics: Time Willow: Sorry. What? (indicates that it's too loud to hear) Lyrics: The promise of heaven Buffy: (louder) This is amazing, but I was sort of hoping we could just hang together, the g*ng. Lyrics: But that only leaves me dry Willow indicates to the band and makes like she totally can't hear Buffy. She turns her attention back to Oz and smiles at him. Lyrics: Dry Buffy senses that Willow is more into watching Oz play with the band than anything else at the moment, and decides to leave her alone. Lyrics: Too many saviors / And I won't die After walking a ways back into the crowd, Buffy changes her mind, deciding that she wants to talk to Willow now. Lyrics: I never cried, but I needed more from you She touches Willow on the arm and indicates they should go someplace to talk. Willow lets Buffy lead her away through the crowd. Lyrics: I found my life without you now Buffy finds a relatively quiet spot in the dining room where they can talk. Lyrics: And I never mind / I'm only half as blind Buffy: Is everything okay? Lyrics: Cause I needed more from you Buffy: You . . . You seem to be avoiding me, i-in the one-on-one sense. Willow: (looks surprised) What? Lyrics: And I never mind Willow: This isn't avoiding. See? Here you are, here I am. Lyrics: I'm only half as blind Buffy: So we're cool? Lyrics: Cause I needed more from you Willow: Way! That's why, with the party, 'cause we're all glad you're back. She isn't being very convincing, but Buffy decides to accept it for now. Buffy: Okay. Willow: Okay. Good. She goes back to watch the band again. Buffy isn't at all convinced that everything's good. Lyrics: You say my reflection never fades from your eyes Cut to Joyce's bedroom. The mask's eyes begin to glow a deep red again. Cut to an accident scene. A Sunnydale Police car, red and blue lights flashing, is parked next to the body of a victim. One officer walks past it while another interviews witnesses. The camera pans down to the d*ad man lying in the street. The Emergency Medical Technician tending to him gets up and goes to get a gurney. The camera stops on the man's face. His forehead is severely lacerated. Suddenly his eyes open. The one under the wound is red with blood. The man immediately sits up. Cut back to Buffy's party. The Dingoes are playing their next song, "Sway". Lyrics: I got another rope over me / But I won't hang / I can feel you covet my faith Cut to Xander and Cordelia sucking some serious face by the stairs. Lyrics: I said another lie / I know why / I don't wanna sway Buffy comes walking out of the crowd and sees them. She tries to walk by without being noticed, but Xander sees her. Cordelia doesn't stop kissing him on the face and neck while he talks to Buffy. Xander: Hey, Buff, uh . . . what are you doing? Buffy: I was just taking a break from all this wacky fun. Lyrics: I don't wanna sway Xander: Some kind of party, huh? I guess a lot of people are glad to have you back. Buffy: It seems like people I didn't even know missed me. She looks around at the crowd. Buffy: Did Giles say he was going to be late? Lyrics: Seize these worlds / Or never live again Xander: Uh, he was Library Man last time I saw him. But he'll be here. He wants to celebrate your homecoming. We all do. I mean, it's great to have the Buffster back. (smiles) Lyrics: Seize these worlds Xander: (tries to get Cordelia's attention) Isn't it? Cordelia: (smiles) Totally! (nods) Lyrics: Or never live again Cordelia: (to Xander) Except you were kinda turning me on with that whole Boy Slayer look. Xander: Was I now? Cordelia: You bet, Nighthawk. They smile and giggle at each other, and resume their kissing. Buffy definitely feels like the odd person out. Buffy: Well, I'll just be, uh . . . (gives up) oh, yeah. (leaves) Cut to Joyce's bedroom. The mask's eyes continue to glow red. Cut to Sunnydale General Hospital. A trauma team is trying to revive a burn victim. A nurse holds a pair of defibrillation pads ready while the doctor pumps his chest and another nurse bags him. Doctor: Breathe. Breathe. The man is flat-lining. The heart monitor beeps insistently while the cursor just moves flatly across the screen. Doctor: Alright, look. These burns are too extensive. It's 7:43. Let's call it. He walks off. The one nurse puts away the bag while the other puts away the defib pads. The camera pans in to the d*ad man. He has severe second- and third-degree burns all along the right side of his face and body. His eyes suddenly pop open. He sits up on the bed, leaving a puddle of blood on the pillow. Nurse: Oh, my God! The reflection on the heart monitor screen shows him violently hitting people out of his way as he goes. Cut to the party. Buffy is at the snack table gathering up empty cups. Lyrics: You know I roll it over in my head A guy reaches in front of her and grabs a handful of party mix, leans his head back and dumps it into his mouth. Most of it spills to the sides and onto the floor. Lyrics: I won't feel you covet my faith Buffy just gives a shrug, grabs a few more cups and turns to go throw them out. She passes two guys talking and overhears their conversation. Party dude: Hey, what's the deal with this party anyway? Lyrics: You've said another lie / I know why Stoner: This party? Heard it was for some chick that just got out of rehab. (takes a drag from his joint) Lyrics: I don't wanna sway Buffy stares at them, less than happy about that rumor, but she ignores them and continues on toward the kitchen. Lyrics: I don't wanna sway Cut to the kitchen. Joyce and Pat are having a little fiesta of their own, and pour some schnapps into two glasses. They raise their glasses, clink them together and each take a good sip. Joyce: Whew! Pat smiles and nods at Joyce. Lyrics: Seize these worlds Pat: Now, how you holding up, Joyce, hmm? Really. Lyrics: Or never live again Joyce: Really? I'm . . . I don't know. Lyrics: Seize these worlds Joyce: While Buffy was gone, all I could think about was getting her home. Lyrics: Or never live again Joyce: I just knew that if I could put my arms around her and tell her how much I loved her, everything would be okay. Lyrics: Seize these worlds Pat: But? Lyrics: Or never live again Buffy reaches the kitchen and overhears. Joyce: Having Buffy home, I-I thought it was gonna make it all better, but in some ways, it's almost worse. Lyrics: Seize these worlds / Or never live again Buffy takes it hard, and goes back to the stairs. Cut to Buffy's room. She comes in and swings the door partially closed behind her. She looks at her bed sadly and sniffles. She bends down to pull her bag out from underneath, slams it onto the mattress and opens it up. She goes to her closet, gets out a pile of folded clothes, goes back to her bed and stuffs them into the bag. Cut to Joyce's bedroom. The mask's eyes are still glowing. Cut outside. The camera pulls away from the house. Cut to the park. Several zombies are making their way through it toward the house. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. The cat meows acridly in its cage. Giles is looking through his books yet again. This time he finds what he needs and quickly reads. Giles: Oh, Lord! He goes into his office and sets the book down on his desk. He turns the page and this time sees the picture of the mask that he'd missed before. He grabs the phone and quickly dials Buffy's number. He impatiently listens to it ringing. Cut to Buffy's house. The Dingoes are into their next song, "Pain". The camera pans across the party guests. The phone can barely be heard ringing above the noise. The camera focuses on it. No one thinks to pick up. Cut to the library. Giles waits anxiously for an answer. Cut to the party. The weed smoker picks up the phone and holds it tightly to his ear, plugging his free ear with a finger. Stoner: Party Villa, can I rock you? Giles: (cut to him) I-I-I need to speak with Buffy. Um, immediately! I have some information that is extremely important. Lyrics: Feeling I've been lost for years Cut to the party. Someone breaks a glass, and the Stoner looks across the room. Lyrics: You can never understand me Stoner: Yeah! Fiesta foul! You gotta do a sh*t! Lyrics: Unless you've seen those tears Giles: (cut to him) I need to speak to Buffy! Now! Stoner: (cut to him) Bunny? Lyrics: But you never get to sleep Stoner: (to his friend, pointing) See? That guy's gotta do a sh*t. Lyrics: When I'm away Giles: Buffy! Stoner: (holds the phone out to the crowd) Hey! I need to talk to a Buddy! Lyrics: I don't mind Stoner: (to the room) Is there a Buddy here? Lyrics: The deeper that you lay Stoner: (into the phone) Sorry. He's not here. You got the wrong casa, Mr. Belvedere. (hangs up) Lyrics: Out of time / Pain, I can't sleep Giles: (cut to him) H-hello? Hello? He slams the phone down and quickly gathers up his things. The cat snarls and hisses. Cut to Buffy's room. She's at her closet getting more things. She goes back to her bed. While she stuffs her things into her bag, Willow shows up at her door and sees her packing. Willow: You're leaving again? Buffy gives her a quick glance and goes back to packing. Willow: (upset) What, you just stopped by for your lint brush and now you're ready to go? Buffy: It's not like anyone will mind. Willow: (heavy with sarcasm) Oh, no. Have a great time. Oh, oh, and don't forget to *not* write. Buffy: (faces Willow, sobbing) Why are you attacking me? I'm trying. Willow: Wow, and it looks so much like giving up! Buffy: I'm just trying to make things easier. Willow: For who? Buffy: You guys were doing just fine without me. Willow: We were doing the best we could! It's not like we had a lot of choice in the matter. Buffy: Sorry that I had to leave, but you don't know what I was going through. Willow: Well, I'd like to. Buffy: You wouldn't understand. Willow: (considers) Well, maybe I don't need to understand. Maybe I . . . I just need you to talk to me. Buffy: How could I talk to you when you were avoiding me? Willow: This isn't easy, Buffy! I know you're going through stuff, but . . . so am I. Buffy: I know that you were worried about me, but-- Willow: No! I don't just mean that. I mean, my life! You know? I, um . . . I'm having all sorts of--I'm dating, I'm having serious dating with a *werewolf*, a-and I'm studying witchcraft and k*lling vampires, and I didn't have anyone (starts sobbing) to talk to about all this scary life stuff. And you were my best friend. Cut to Giles speeding along to Buffy's house as best he can in his decrepit car. He looks left and right in anger and fear. Giles: Unbelievable. (mocks Joyce) 'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the *d*ad*!' Americans. He looks ahead in time to see that he's about to h*t someone. Giles: Jesus! He slams on the brakes and begins to skid. He hits the man, who falls onto the hood of the car, bounces off of the windshield and slides off as the car comes to a stop. The man rolls a few times on the pavement before coming to rest. Giles stares in shock at the man lying in the road. Giles: My God. He quickly gets out of his car. Giles: Are you alright? He rushes over to the man and feels for a pulse on his neck. Giles: Are you hurt? The man rolls over, and Giles sees that he's in an advanced state of decay. Giles: Good God. The zombie grabs Giles by the coat and lifts him up as it gets to its feet. Other zombies start approaching from an alley. Cut to Buffy's room. Buffy: You have no idea how much I missed you. Everyone. I wanted to call every day. Willow: That doesn't matter, Buffy. It doesn't make it okay that you didn't. Joyce walks by the room and sees the bag on Buffy's bed. Joyce: What is this? Is this some sort of a joke? Buffy: Mom, please, could you, could you just-- Joyce: (interrupts) No, I can't just! Buffy, what is this? Willow: She was running away again. Buffy: No, I wasn't. (pauses, very confused) I'm not sure. Joyce: Well, you better *get* sure and explain yourself right away! If you think you can just-just take off any time you feel like it-- Buffy: Stop it! Please! I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. She rushes from her room and heads downstairs. Joyce and Willow follow right on her heels. Cut to below. Buffy comes rushing down the stairs with her mother and best friend right behind. She stops at the front door, and turns into the living room when she finds Xander and Cordelia locked in a passionate embrace, blocking her way out. Joyce: Don't you leave this house, young lady! Buffy doesn't stop her determined walk. Joyce: You know what? That's it. She runs up behind Buffy, grabs her arm and turns her around to face her. Joyce: You and I are going to have a talk. The band stops playing and most of the people stop talking. Suddenly the level of noise in the room is reduced to just a few voices. Buffy looks around at everyone staring at them. Buffy: (implores) Mom, please-- Xander and Cordelia come into the living room. Joyce: (interrupts, mad) You know what? I don't care. I don't care what your friends think of me, or you for that matter, because you put me through the wringer, Buffy. (inhales) I mean it. (exhales and inhales) And I've had schnapps. (exhales) Do you have *any* idea what it's been like? Buffy: Mom, this isn't the time-- Willow looks around, worried. Oz comes up next to her. Joyce: (interrupts again) You can't imagine *months* of not knowing. Not knowing whether you're lying d*ad in a ditch somewhere or, I don't know, living it up-- Buffy: (interrupts in turn) But you told me! You're the one who said I should go. You said if I leave this house, don't come back. You found out who I really was, and you couldn't deal. Don't you remember? People are beginning to think this is a drag and leave. Joyce: Buffy, you didn't give me time. You just dumped this thing on me and you expected me to get it. Well, guess what? Mom's not perfect, okay? I handled it badly. But that doesn't give you the right to punish me by running away. Buffy: Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you! Xander: Well, you did. You should've seen what you put her through. Buffy: Great. Thanks. Anybody else want to weigh in here? (sees Jonathon) How about you by the dip? Jonathon freezes in the middle of bringing a chip laden with dip to his mouth and looks around nervously at everyone suddenly staring at him. Jonathon: No, thanks. I'm good. Xander: You know, maybe you don't want to hear it, Buffy, but taking off like you did was incredibly selfish and stupid. Buffy: Okay! Okay. I screwed up. I know this. But you have no idea! You have, you have no idea what happened to me or what I was feeling! Xander: Did you even try talking to anybody? Buffy: There was nothing that anybody could do. Okay? I just had to deal with this on my own. Xander: Yeah, and you see how well *that* one worked out. You can't just bury stuff, Buffy. It'll come right back up to get you. Cut to the street. The zombie has Giles bent back on the hood of his car. Giles gets his foot underneath him and push kicks him off. He rolls off of the hood and scrambles back into the car, locking the door. The zombies start pounding on the car. Giles reaches for the ignition and discovers the keys missing. He searches his pockets. Nothing. He looks out onto the street, and there they are. Giles: Oh, good show, Giles. He thinks for a moment what to do, then reaches underneath the dash and pulls out some wires. Quickly he unravels and strips the appropriate ones. A zombie punches through the window and reaches in for him. Giles touches the wires together. They spark, and the engine starts up. Giles: Like riding a bloody bicycle! He puts the car in gear and drives off, slowly leaving the zombies behind. Cut to Buffy's living room. Buffy: As if I even could've gone to you, Xander. You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear. Xander: Look. I'm sorry that your honey was a demon, but most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles. Cordelia doesn't think this is fair, and intercedes. Cordelia: Time out, Xander. Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute. Okay? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. k*lling Spree, which is pretty much my fault-- Buffy: (interrupts) Cordy! Get outta my shoes! Cordelia: I'm just trying to help, Buffy. Willow: Buffy, you never-- Buffy: (nears the breaking point) Willow, please. I can't take this from you, too. Xander: Let her finish! You at least owe her that. Buffy: God, Xander! Do you think you could at least stick to annoying me on your own behalf? Xander: Fine! You stop acting like an idiot, I'll stop annoying you! Buffy: (steps up to Xander) Oh, you wanna talk acting like an idiot, Nighthawk? Oz: Okay. I'm gonna step in now, (gets between them) being Referee Guy. Willow: No, let them go, Oz. (gets a look from him) Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some v*olence. A zombie suddenly smashes though the living room window and comes in. Others follow right behind. Willow: I was being sarcastic! A zombie grabs Xander, and they start to wrestle. Another one grabs the Stoner's head and twists it violently, breaking his neck. Xander gets the upper hand on the slow-moving zombie and throws him back out of the window. Willow and Oz scramble to help out. A zombie dives through the kitchen door window. The remaining party guests all try to drive the zombies out, but aren't very organized about it. Xander breaks away from the crowd. Buffy: Xander, kitchen! Xander: I got your back! She tosses him an andiron from the fireplace, and he runs into the kitchen with Cordelia close behind. A zombie att*cks Buffy, and she launches herself into a hopping side kick to his gut. She sidesteps a punch and swings under his arm with an uppercut to his jaw, but he isn't fazed. He swings at her with both arms, knocking her aside. Joyce watches Buffy fight, cringing at every blow. Buffy punches the zombie twice in the face and then ducks past him as he lunges at her with his arm trying to grab her. He turns around and tries to make a grab for her, but Joyce comes up behind him with a vase and smashes it over his head. The party guests are having limited success keeping the zombies out of the house. Buffy leg sweeps the zombie and knocks him down. Joyce: Are these vampires? Buffy: Uh, I don't think so. Willow: Buffy, heads up! She tosses Buffy a piece of the broken window frame. Buffy catches it out of the air and tries staking the zombie. He just looks up at her as though she pinched him. Buffy: No, not vampires. The zombie starts to get back to his feet. Cut to the kitchen. Xander swings the andiron at one of them, making him stagger a bit. Cordelia looks around and finds a stake on the counter. She jams it into the zombie's gut. He staggers back again. Pat looks into the kitchen from the hall, not paying attention to her back. A zombie comes up behind her and grabs her by the jaw and the back of her head. She screams as she's dragged off. The zombie in the kitchen comes at Xander again. Another one is trying to crawl in through the window over the sink. Xander: Man, this sucker wobbles, but he won't fall down! He swings the andiron at the zombie's legs and knocks him to he floor. Cut to the living room. Joyce hits the zombie repeatedly over the head with a broken piece of wood. Jonathon is holding a guitar, ready to smash it over the zombie. Buffy: We got to get 'em back outside! Joyce: On three! Devon grabs the zombie by the back. Oz and Joyce each grab an arm. Joyce: One . . . Two . . . Three! Together they drag him to the front door, where Buffy is waiting to slam it shut. The three of them throw the ghoul out and barricade themselves against the door. The zombie slams himself against it, trying to get back in. Buffy: Okay! We're gonna have to barricade this door! Cut to the kitchen. Xander and Cordelia have their zombie pinned face down to the floor with his arms behind him. Buffy: We need some help out here! Xander: I got him. Go help Buffy. Cordelia rushes into the living room to help while Xander ties up the zombie. Cut to the front door. Some of them scramble to get something to barricade the door while others lean against it to keep it closed. Oz: Grab that table! He goes to grab the small table. Devon takes his place at the door. Oz drags the table back and positions it against the door. He leans into it while Devon goes off to get another one. Xander shows up to help, too. Suddenly the zombie punches through the door and makes a grab for Oz's shoulder. Buffy: Upstairs! She runs up the stairs and into her mother's room. Willow, Xander and Joyce follow her. At the top of the stairs Joyce sees Pat lying unconscious on the floor further down the hall. Joyce: Oh, Pat! She rushes over to Pat. Willow and Buffy run over to help also. Joyce: Oh, God . . . Pat wakes, and Willow and Joyce help her up, each getting under one arm. Buffy: Careful! Pat: Oh . . . Xander: (watches the stairs) Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. Joyce: (to Pat) I got you. Okay. They drag her toward the bedroom. Xander ushers them in and follows. Cut below. The stand at the door has to be abandoned. Devon runs out the back. Cordelia helps Oz get away from the zombie outside the door, and they try to run up the stairs, but another zombie grabs Oz from behind and pulls him down to the floor. Cordelia: Oz! She reacts quickly and comes back down holding her hand out to Oz, but he waves her off. Oz: GO! GO! She starts to run toward the back, and Oz scrambles out of the zombie's reach, running right behind her. Cut to Joyce's bedroom. She and Willow have to drag Pat the rest of the way in and lie her down on a large padded wicker chair and footrest while Buffy and Xander try to get the door closed to keep a zombie out. Willow feels for a pulse on Pat's neck. Willow: She's-- Joyce: Oh, God! Pat! She's d*ad! The zombie gives the door a good bump, knocking Xander back and into the far wall. The impact vibration knocks the mask from its hook. Buffy manages to shove the zombie back a bit. Willow and Joyce run to help. The eyes of the mask begin to glow red again. Xander gets back up, and now all four of them are pushing against the door to get it closed. Joyce: What do we do if they get in? Xander: I kind of think we die. The mask's eyes keep glowing. Cut to Pat. Her eyes open wide. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Inside a downstairs closet. It's absolutely dark. Cordelia: I don't hear anything. Should we check? Oz: (exhales) Let's go for it. He opens the door and looks out. No zombies. He looks the other way. The coast appears to be clear. They can, however, hear noises coming from upstairs. Oz gives Cordelia a glance and looks around again to be absolutely sure that at least there isn't anything going on downstairs. Cordelia sees a pair of ski poles in the closet and hands one of them to Oz. Cordelia: Here. Oz: Thanks. Together they start down the hall toward the stairs. They reach the kitchen door. Cordelia looks in and startles when suddenly Giles appears there, having come in through the back door. She holds her ski pole up to his neck. Oz holds his ski pole pointed at Giles' gut. Giles: Cordelia, it's me! It's me! Cordelia: How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles? Giles: Cordelia, do stop being tiresome. Cordelia: It's him. She and Oz both draw back their w*apon. The noises upstairs seem to get louder. They start moving toward the stairs again. Oz: I think the d*ad Man's Party's moved upstairs. Giles: That makes sense. It's the mask in Joyce's bedroom they're after. Cordelia: Mask? Giles: The mask holds the power of a . . . zombie demon, called Ovu Mobani--Evil Eye. I don't think we can get past them. They crouch by the stairs and try to look upstairs. Oz: Well, what happens if they get the mask? Giles: If one of them puts it on, they become the demon incarnate. Cordelia: Worse than a zombie. Giles: Yes, worse. Cut to Joyce's bedroom. Pat sits up on the footrest. The zombie at the door overpowers Buffy and the others, pushing the door in violently. Joyce and Xander fall to the floor. The zombie comes in and backhand punches Buffy, sending her into the wall. Pat sees the fighting, but her attention is drawn to the mask lying on the floor. Its eyes glow a bright red now. Xander tries to grab the zombie from behind, but it throws a backhand punch and hits Xander in the jaw. Xander goes flying in a high arc onto the bed and rolls off of the far side onto the floor. Pat stands up, her gaze fixed on the mask, and steps over to it. Joyce sees her stand up, and looks at her amazed. She gets up from the floor and goes over to Pat. Joyce: Oh, God! We thought you were-- She tries to hug Pat, but Pat grabs her outstretched arms and pushes her hard onto the bed. Joyce rolls off next to Xander. Pat bends down to pick up the mask and holds it to her face as she stands back up. The eyes suddenly glow a very bright red, and the mask integrates itself into Pat's face. The zombie immediately stops fighting Willow and falls to his knees, screaming and cowering before Ovu Mobani incarnate. Xander: (to Joyce) Generally speaking, when scary things get scared: not good. Willow looks at Mobani, transfixed by its stare. Mobani: I live, you die. Buffy tries to get between them. Ovu Mobani turns to her, and its eyes flash, mesmerizing Buffy. It backhand punches her, and sends her flying in a high arc against the closet door. Buffy is only slightly dazed, and quickly raises herself up on her hands. She sees Willow back away from Mobani fearfully. Buffy: Willow, don't look! Mobani's eyes flash again at Willow, and she freezes. The demon strides over to her and grabs her by the jaw and the back of her head. Buffy lunges at Mobani, grabs it and dives out of the bedroom window. Cut outside. The two of them fall onto the roof and roll down and off. They h*t the railing of the back porch and break it, fall over some bushes and roll into the backyard. Cut to Giles, Oz and Cordelia on the stairs. They hear the crash through the window. Giles: Out back! They rush back down the stairs, but a zombie appears from the dining room and takes Giles by the neck. Cut outside. Buffy and Ovu Mobani get to their feet. Buffy looks away and quickly puts some distance between herself and the demon, shading her eyes as she goes. Buffy: Not looking. Mobani makes tracks after her. Buffy: Not looking! Cut to Joyce's bedroom. With Ovu Mobani no longer there, the zombie has quit its cowering and g*n attacking the mortals. Xander and Willow each have the zombie by an arm, and Joyce swings a baseball bat hard into his back. The zombie screams and flails its arms, shaking Xander and Willow loose. He turns to face Joyce, who keeps swinging the bat. The zombie blocks the blows with its arm, but Joyce doesn't stop. Cut outside. Mobani tackles Buffy to the ground and turns her over. Buffy immediately covers her eyes with her arm, and the demon's eye flashes have no effect on her. Buffy snap kicks Mobani off of her, and the demon flies across the yard and lands hard on its back. Cut to the stairs. Oz and Giles try to use a ski pole to hold the zombie at bay, but it's not working very well. Giles: Tell Buffy Mobani's power lies in his eyes! Oz kicks the zombie twice in the shoulder, trying to force him back so he can get down the stairs. The zombie isn't fazed, so Oz just hops over the stair railing instead. Giles: She has to go for the eyes to defeat him! Cut outside. Buffy gets to her hands and knees and scrambles over to the shovel. Behind her Mobani is coming for her again. Buffy turns around with the shovel raised, but the demon flashes its eyes at her again, this time making her freeze. Behind them Oz comes running out of the kitchen door. Oz: Buffy! This distracts Ovu Mobani and brings Buffy out of her trance. Mobani flashes its eyes at Oz, making him freeze on the porch. Buffy stands back up and raises the shovel. Buffy: Hey, Pat! Ovu Mobani snaps its head around to look at Buffy again, who jams the shovel into the demon's eyes, embedding it in its head. Mobani grabs the shovel handle and tries to pull it out, but can't. Buffy: Made you look. In a flash of brilliant white light Ovu Mobani disappears. Cut to Joyce's bedroom. She is still beating on the zombie. In a flash of light he disappears. Joyce's next swing goes wild, and she stops. Cut to the stairs. Cordelia is helping Giles hold the zombie at bay with the ski poles, when he disappears in a flash of light, making her fall forward. She reacts quickly and steadies herself against the wall. Cut outside. Buffy just stares where Mobani was. On the porch Oz shrugs. Oz: Never mind. Cut inside. Giles and Cordelia come down the stairs. Behind them Joyce runs down and into the living room, looking for Buffy. She sees her and Oz come in through the kitchen. Joyce: Honey! She embraces her daughter tightly. Buffy hugs her mom back. Joyce: Oh! They release their embrace. Oz sees Willow come into the living room and goes to her. Joyce: Are you all right? Buffy: Yeah. Joyce: (panting) So, is this a typical day at the office? Buffy: No. This was nothing. Willow and Oz hold hands, and then turn to face Buffy. Xander comes into the living room through the kitchen. Cordelia joins them. Joyce looks around at the mess in the house. Xander: (to Buffy) Nice moves. Buffy: You, too. Willow smiles, and goes to hug her best friend. They hold each other close for a long time. Giles looks on from the other side of the room and breathes deeply. Cut to Principal Snyder's office the next day. He's getting some files from his cabinet. There is a knock on his door. It opens and Giles comes in. Snyder glances over to see who it is, and goes to his desk. Snyder: Do we have an appointment? Giles: I'd like to have a word with you. Snyder drops the files on his desk and turns to face Giles. Snyder: If that word is Buffy, then I have two words for you: 'good' and 'riddance'. Now, if you don't mind, I have an appointment with the Mayor. Giles: You can't keep her out of this school. Snyder: (pulls on his jacket) I think you'll find I can. Giles: You had no grounds for expelling her. Snyder: I have grounds, I have precedent, and a tingly kind of feeling. Giles: Buffy Summers is a minor, and is entitled to a public education. Your personal dislike of the girl does not legally entitle you to-- Snyder: (interrupts) Why don't you take it up with the city council? He grabs the files and his briefcase and heads for the door. Giles: I thought I'd start with the State Supreme Court. Snyder stops and faces him. Giles: You're powerful in local circles, but I believe I can make life very difficult for you, professionally speaking. (confidently) And Buffy will be allowed back in. Snyder: Sorry. I'm not convinced. He tries to go again. Giles grabs him by the lapel and shoves him back into his filing cabinet. Giles: (grining) Would you like me to convince you? Snyder shakes his head ever so slightly and looks back nervously. Cut to the Espresso Pump. Cut inside. The camera pans across the interior and stops on Buffy and Willow sitting on stools at a table with a couple of drinks. Willow: I mean, I'm not a full-fledged witch. That takes years. I just did a couple pagan blessings and . . . a teeny glamour to hide a zit. Buffy: Does it scare you? Willow: It has. I tried to communicate with the spirit world, and I *so* wasn't ready for that. It's like being pulled apart inside. Plus I blew the power for our whole block. Big scare. Buffy: I wish I could've been there with you. Willow: Me, too. I really freaked out. Buffy: I am sorry. Willow: It's okay. I understand you having to bail. I can forgive that. Mm, I have to make allowances for what you're going through a-and be a grownup about it. (gives Buffy a slightly smug look) Buffy: (smiles) You're really enjoying this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you? Willow: (smiles) It's like a drug! Buffy: Fine! Okay. I'm the bad. I can take my lumps . . . for a while. Willow: All right. I'll stop giving you a hard time. (pauses) Runaway. Buffy: (gives her a surprised look) Will! Willow: (smiles and giggles) I'm sorry! Quitter. Buffy: (widens her eyes at her) Whiner. Willow: Bailer. Buffy: Harpy. Willow: Delinquent. Buffy: Tramp. Willow: (takes mock offense) Bad seed. Buffy: Witch. Willow: Freak.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x02 - d*ad Man's Party"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Lunch hour at Sunnydale High School. The camera pans at a very low angle along the sidewalk past the stairs at the front of the school. Seniors are coming and going. The camera comes to rest on two pairs of legs, one standing calmly, the other rocking back and forth, heel to toe. The camera pans up to Willow and Oz, waiting for Xander and Cordelia so they can go. Oz is characteristically calm, but Willow is swaying around, almost nervously. Willow: (smiling) I'm giddy. Oz: Oh, I like you giddy. Always have. Willow: It's the freedom! As Seniors, we can go off-campus now for lunch. It's no longer cutting. It's legal! Heck, it's expected! Wow, it's, uh, also a big step forward, a Senior moment, one that has to be savored. Oz looks back and sees Xander and Cordelia coming. Willow: You can't just rush into this, you know? Xander heads for Willow's side opposite Oz, and the two boys each grab an arm and start to pull her across the street. Willow: Ohh! She starts to resist, leaning backward with all of her weight. Willow: No, I can't! Oz and Xander just lift her by the arms and pull harder. Cordelia smiles at the spectacle. Xander: You can. Oz: See, you are. Willow: Oh, but, no! What if they changed the rule without telling? What if they're lying in wait to *arrest* me a-and, and throw me in detention and mar my unblemished record? They reach the other side of the street, and Oz and Xander steady her on the sidewalk. Xander: Breathe. Breathe. Willow takes a breath and lets it out, calming herself. Willow: Okay. Hmm... Oz takes Willow by the hand and Xander puts his arm around Cordelia. They begin walking into the small park in front of the school. Willow: (relaxed) This is good! This is... Hey, we're Seniors! (with an attitude) Hey, I'm walkin' here! (giggles) They see Buffy just inside the park. She has laid out a blanket in the shade of a palm tree by a bench, and is setting out serving plates of food and bottles of drinks. The group begins to walk toward her. Xander: Ahh. Buffy and food. Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too couple-y around Buffy. Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious k*ller and had to be put down like a dog? Xander: (admiringly) Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what? They come up behind the tree just out of Buffy's view. Oz: All right, prepare to uncouple... They take a few more steps. Oz: Uncouple. They let go of each other as they come around the tree. Willow crosses in front of Xander so Buffy sees girls on the right, boys on the left. Xander: Buffy, banned from campus, but not from our hearts, how are you and what's for lunch? Oz climbs onto the bench and sits on the backrest. The others kneel on the blanket. Buffy: Oh, I just threw a few things together. Cordelia: (impressed with Buffy's offerings) When did you become Martha Stewart? Buffy: First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto. (hands out drink bottles) Xander: I don't believe she slays, either. Oz: Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to. Buffy: (opens her bottle) Second of all, way too much free time on my hands since I got kicked out of school. (takes a drink) Willow: Oh, I know they'll let you back in. (takes a drink) Xander: Don't you and your mom have a meeting with Principal Snyder? Buffy: We're seeing Snyde-Man tomorrow. Willow: (notices a boy) Ooo, Scott Hope at eleven o'clock. (Buffy looks) (to Buffy) He likes you. He wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then. But I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or-or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. Buffy snaps her head around at Willow and gives her a shocked look. Willow: (realizes her slip-up) Oh! I didn't mean the *bad* thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you... (glares at Oz) You're supposed to stop me when I do that. Oz: (smiles and shakes his head) I like when you do that. Scott has finished talking with his friends and comes toward them. Buffy watches him approach. As he passes he looks over at Buffy. Scott: (smiles) Hi, Buffy. Buffy: (smiles back) Hi. Scott just continues on his way. Willow breaks out into a huge smile. Willow: I think that went very well. Don't you think that went very well? Cordelia: He didn't try to slit our throats or anything. (nods) That's progress. Willow: Hey, did you do that little half-smile thing? Buffy: (sighs) Look, I'm not trying to snare Scott Hope. I just want to get my life back, you know, do normal stuff. Willow: Like date? Buffy: Well... Xander: Oh, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut. (chuckles) Buffy punches him on the arm, and none too lightly. Xander: (smiles and chuckles) Ow. (winces and holds his arm) Buffy: All right, yes, date and shop and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff! Cut to Happy Burger that night. The camera pans down from a sh*t of the building, past the restaurant's mascot, a fat boy eating a burger, and stops on the building again. A black stretch-limousine pulls into the parking lot and heads toward the drive-through lane. Cut to the back of the building. The car pulls up and stops at another fat boy fitted with a speaker and mic. The window of the limo lowers. Voice: Welcome to Happy Burger. May I take your order, please? Trick: Diet soda. Medium. Voice: That'll be eighty-nine cents at the window, sir. Trick raises the window, and the car pulls forward. Cut inside the car. Trick: Sunnydale. (looks at the man next to him) Town's got quaint. And the people? (smiles) He called me 'sir'. Don't you just miss that? I mean, admittedly, it's not a haven for the brothers, you know, strictly the Caucasian Persuasion here in the Dale. But, you know, you just gotta stand up and salute their death rate. I ran a statistical analysis, (smiles) and hello darkness. It makes... D.C. look... like Mayberry, and ain't nobody saying boo about it. We could fit right in here. Have us some fun. The sh*t cuts to the other man, hidden in shadow. Kakistos: (growls) We're here for one thing. He pulls his cloven hand from Trick's knee. Trick looks at it, disgusted. Trick: k*ll the Slayer, yeah. Still, big picture... He lowers the window again, and looks out. Cut outside. He hands the boy at the window a dollar. The boy hands him back the soda, a straw and his change. Boy: (smiles) Have a nice night, sir. Trick: (smiles) Right back at ya. (sits back) Cut inside the limo. Kakistos: The Slayer. I'm going to rip her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart and suck the marrow from her bones. Trick considers that for a moment, smacking his lips. Trick: Now I'm hungry. Cut outside. Trick lunges out of the window, vamped out. The boy is shocked, and tries to move away, but Trick already has him by the shirt. The boy screams as Trick pulls him out of the building and part way into the limousine. The car takes off with the boy's legs kicking outside the window. The limo screeches through the parking lot and into the street. The camera stops on the Happy Burger mascot, its mouth wide open to take another bite from the burger that it's holding. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. "The Background" by Third Eye Blind begins to play as the camera approaches the door. Cut inside. The camera pans past several couples dancing slowly to the music. It comes to rest on Buffy and Angel. They hold each other close and look deeply into each other's eyes as they slowly dance. Lyrics: Everything is quiet Buffy: I miss you. At a nearby table Oz, Willow, Cordelia and Xander watch them dance. Their faces are devoid of any expression. Lyrics: Since you're not around Buffy moves her left hand with her Claddagh ring down Angel's arm to take his hand. Lyrics: And I live in the numbness now The ring is loose on her finger, and before she can clasp his hand it falls off and clinks on the floor. Lyrics: In the background Angel and Buffy both look down at the ring. Lyrics: I do the things we did before Angel reaches down to pick up the ring. The music fades out. Lyrics: I walk Haight Street to the store Angel stands back up holding the ring. He gives Buffy a wounded look. She looks at the ring, frightened. Suddenly she flashes back to the mansion and sees herself thrusting the sword through Angel, and his surprised and pained face as the vortex closes and he disappears into Acathla's mouth with it. Her flashback is over, and the camera is on the g*ng at the table again, still watching, still expressionless. Cut to Angel and Buffy on the dance floor. Buffy: I had to. Angel's breath is shaky. He looks down at the ring in his fingers. He clenches it in his fist. Blood begins to ooze from between his fingers and drip to the floor. He looks intensely at Buffy. Angel: I loved you. Buffy watches aghast as the blood continues to drip. Then a bloodstain appears on his shirt at mid-chest. It grows quickly and begins to soak the front of his shirt. Buffy draws a frightened, worried breath and reaches out to his wound. Buffy: Oh, God! Angel... Angel: (yells) GO TO HELL! He stares at her with intense anger in his eyes. Buffy looks up from his chest wound to his face. It has turned green, and one side is rotting. Angel smiles and laughs smugly as he looks back at her. Angel: I did. Cut to Buffy's room. She wakes from her dream with a start and jerks her head from the pillow. Realizing it was only a dream, she puts her hand to her head and pulls it back through her hair. She sits up in bed and looks over at her nightstand. She reaches over, pulls open the drawer and lifts out a chain on which she has placed her Claddagh ring. She sits up straight in her bed and looks closely at the ring again: two hands for friendship, a crown for loyalty and a heart for love. Her mother knocks on her door and pokes her head in. Joyce: Morning, Sunshine! (smiles) Ready to face the beast? Cut to Snyder's office. He sits behind his desk, calmly giving it to them straight. Snyder: Here are the terms of your re-entry, Missy. Take 'em or leave 'em. Buffy takes a letter opener from his desk and begins to play with it. Snyder: One: that you pass a makeup test of every class you skipped out on last year. Buffy looks around absentmindedly and taps the letter opener on her hand. Snyder: Two: that you provide, in writing, one *glowing* letter of recommendation from any member of our faculty who is not an English librarian. Buffy's tapping is beginning to annoy him. Snyder: Three: that you complete an interview (stands up) with our school psychologist (walks around his desk toward Buffy) who must conclude that your violent tendencies... He pauses for a moment, then snatches the letter opener from Buffy's hand. Snyder: ...are under control. Joyce: I'm not sure I like your attitude, Mr. Snyder. I spoke with the school board, and according to them... Snyder: (walks back around his desk) I'm required to educate every juvenile who is not in jail where she belongs. He stops and looks out the window with his back to them. Snyder: Welcome back. Joyce and Buffy give each other a smile. Buffy stands up. Buffy: So let me get this straight. I'm really back in school because the school board *overruled* you. (Snyder faces her) Wow. That's like having your whole ability to do this job called into question, when you think about it. Joyce: (gets up also) I think what my daughter's trying to say is... (sing-song) Nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah, nyah. She gives Snyder a defiant look, and the two women turn and walk out of the office, proud of themselves. Snyder just blankly watches them go. The intercom on his desk buzzes. Secretary: It's the Mayor on line one. Snyder's eyes quickly widen with worry. Cut to the library. Willow and Buffy walk in. The place seems to be empty of people. Willow: It's so great that you're a schoolgirl again. Buffy: Giles say what he wanted? Do you think he's mad? They stop at the counter. There are bowls and jars of various dried herbs arrayed on it. Willow: No, I don't think so. I think he just needed to see you. (glances around) (smiling) Have you ever noticed, though, when he *is* mad, but he's too English to say anything, he makes that weird cluck- cluck sound with his tongue? Giles suddenly rises up from behind the counter and looks at the things he's laid out on the counter. Buffy: Hi, Giles! (raises her eyebrows at Willow and smiles) Willow: (turns to face him, looking worried) Oh, hi! Been there long? Giles: (preoccupied) Buffy, good timing. (looks around behind the counter) I could use your help. I trust you remember the demon Acathla? Buffy: Giles, contain yourself. Yes, I'm back in school, but you know how it embarrasses me when you gush so. (Giles looks up from his searching) Let's just skip all that and get straight to work. Giles: (slowly straightens up) Oh, ahhhh... Well, I, um... Well-w... O- o-of course, it's wonderful to have you back, i-i-it goes without saying. (Buffy raises her eyebrows at him and smiles) But... (notices Buffy's look) You enjoy making me say it, don't you? He sets his glasses on his nose and continues looking around. Buffy plays with a bowl on the counter. Buffy: Okay, Acathla, huh? What are you doing, making him some demon pizza? She picks up a bundle of sage, sniffs it and frowns. She holds it over for Willow to sniff, who smiles. Giles: We need to make sure that he remains dormant and that the dimensional vortex is sealed tight. So I'm working on a binding spell. Willow: (perks up) Oh, a spell? Can I help? Giles: Possibly, with the research. It's very sensitive and... Willow: (sounding hurt) Oh! Who's more sensitive than me? Giles: ...and difficult spell. (Willow frowns) It involves creating a- a-a protective circle around... Well, I don't want to bore you with the details, but, uh, well, there's a litany th-that one has to recite in Aramaic, and it's very specific. So I need to get a few details about your experience of defeating Acathla and Angel. He starts ingredient hunting again. Buffy: (considers for a moment) f*re away. Giles: I've put the time at about, um, (checks his notes) 6:17, around, about half an hour after Xander rescued me. (comes back to the counter) Buffy: Less. More like ten minutes. Giles: Oh, was the vortex already open? Buffy: Barely. Giles: I see. And Angel? Buffy: A big fight, Angel got the pointy end of the sword, Acathla sucked him into Hell instead of the world. That's about the it. Giles: (writes a few notes) Yes, well, that, um... should be very helpful. Buffy: (checks her watch) Oh, no, I have to go take an English makeup exam. (gets her pile of books from the counter) They give you credit just for speaking it, right? She just gets looks from Giles and Willow. Buffy: (whines) Oh... She heads out the door to go take her exam. Willow picks up the bundle of sage and sniffs it some more. Willow: Mm, sage. I love that smell. (reaches into a jar) And marnox root. You know, a smidge of this mixed with a virgin's saliva... (gets a look from Giles) Does something I know nothing about. Giles: These forces are not something that one plays around with, Willow. What have you been conjuring? Willow: Nothing... much. Well, you know, I tried this spell to cure Angel, and I guess that was a bust. But since then, you know, small stuff: floating feather, f*re out of ice, which next time I won't do on the bedspread. (Giles looks down) Are you mad at me? Giles: (looks up) No, of course not, no. If I were, I would be making a strange clucking sound with my tongue. Willow is embarrassed and smiles cutely up at him. Cut to the Bronze. The band tonight is Darling Violetta, playing "Cure". The camera pans into the dance area and pauses on the band for a moment. Most couples are dancing normally, but there's one couple that is a bit more energetic about it. Lyrics: I've given you every part of me / Tried everything I could to make you see Another couple leaves the dance floor, and the camera follows them until they pass by an alcove furnished like a turn-of-the-century parlor, with a love seat, a couple of armchairs, tables and a lamp with a pink shade. A couple is sitting on the loveseat having some romantic smoochies. Lyrics: But you don't love yourself Buffy walks into view from behind carrying drinks and heads for them. Cut to the couple on the loveseat. It's Willow and Oz. Buffy crosses in front of the camera and sits in an adjacent chair. Buffy: Don't let me interrupt. Willow and Oz look up from their kissing. Willow sits up. Buffy smiles and hands Oz one of the drinks. Oz: Thanks. Lyrics: You can't love me or anyone else Willow notices Buffy's cheery mood and smiles as Oz accepts another drink from her and passes one to Willow. Willow: Are you... (to Oz) Is she all glowy? Buffy rolls her eyes up to the right and gives them an innocent look. Oz: Yeah, I suspect happiness. Buffy: (smiles) I passed my English makeup exam, hangin' with my friends. Hello, my life, how I've missed you. Lyrics: You said I was the best thing in your life Scott approaches them. Willow: Hi, Scott. What are you doing here? Scott: (gives her a smile) You told me if I came after 8:00, I could run into Buffy. Lyrics: Is that why you run, why you hide? Buffy sh**t Willow a look. Willow is embarrassed and hides behind her drink, taking a big gulp. Scott: (to Buffy, smiling) Uh, I'm sorry. I'm a bad liar. It's not good for the soul. (gestures at his face) O-o-or the skin, actually. It makes me blotch. Lyrics: You will never be the cure Buffy: Hi, Scott. (smiles) Scott: Hi. Things are a bit awkward now, and Scott looks around for something to comment on. Lyrics: And you will never change Scott: Don't you love this song? Buffy: Uh, yeah! Actually, I do. Lyrics: You will never be the cure Scott: Well, would you like to... (indicates the dance floor) Buffy: Dance? Um... Willow smiles at her encouragingly. Lyrics: And you will never change Buffy: I don't know. (Willow frowns) I'm bad with... Well... Lyrics: You will never be the cure Buffy: (fidgets) Thank you for asking, it's just that there... Scott: Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna go stand by the dance floor. If you change your mind, you can mosey on over, and then if not, then you don't mosey. No harm, no foul, right? Buffy: (halfheartedly) Right. Lyrics: I've given you every part of me Scott walks off to find a place to wait. Buffy rolls her eyes and flops her head back, ment*lly kicking herself for the way she handled that. Willow: (very disappointed) Come on, Buffy. I mean, the guy is charm, a-and normal, which is what you wanted to get back to. Lyrics: Tried everything I could to make you see Oz: Plus bonus points for use of the word 'mosey'. Buffy: I just don't think I'm ready. Willow: What's stopping you? Lyrics: But you don't love yourself Cordelia and Xander walk up. Cordelia: Check out Slut-O-Rama and her Disco Dave. She points and looks onto the dance floor as she and Xander sit on a low table against a wall. The camera cuts to the energetically dancing couple. Although the girl's style is more contemporary, the guy is dancing way too fast for the music, with an unmistakable 70's disco influence. Cordelia: What was the last thing that guy danced to, K.C. and the Sunshine Band? Willow and Oz both cock their heads to look at them. Lyrics: You can't love me or anyone else The couple continues to dance, getting close and touching each other at one point, then separating again. Lyrics: You said I was the best thing in your life Buffy begins to really wonder about them. The couple gets close again, and the girl extends her arm, pointing at the door. The guy takes the hint, and leads her out with his arm around her. Buffy watches them go, suspicious of his intentions. She sees him say bye to his buddy and head for the door. Buffy: I don't think that guy thrives on sunshine. She quickly puts down her drink and starts out after them. As she crosses the room behind the dance floor, Scott sees her coming and steps over to intercept her. Scott: Hi. Buffy: (stops short, startled) Hi. Oh, (frowns) no, I... (points at the door) I-I have to... Scott: (gets it) Oh. Uh, uh, sorry, my bad. Buffy: (apologetic) No. I-it's mine. Really, it's mine, but I... (glances back at the others) I-I-I have to go. (hurries out) Scott is very confused, and just watches her leave. Cut outside. Buffy strides out and looks around. Xander comes out right behind her followed closely by the others. Buffy: Where'd she go? She takes a few steps down the alley to the left to check things out. The others looks around also. Cordelia: I bet it's nothing. They're probably just making out. Buffy comes back. They hear a girl call out in a complaining tone. Girl: Hey! They also hear a loud noise, as though something was just broken. Xander pulls a stake out of his jacket. Buffy takes it from him and heads in the direction of the noise. Willow: That's not what making out sounds like, unless I'm doing it wrong. They all follow Buffy. Cut to the couple from the dance floor. The boy has the girl up against a section of temporary chain link fencing that's leaning against the building. Boy: Stop struggling. This won't hurt. The boy vamps out and moves in to bite the girl. She grabs him by the neck, pushes him away a bit and elbow jabs him in the face. He staggers back and regains his balance as she jumps onto a crate. She does a jumping roundhouse kick to his face, knocking him to the pavement. Buffy arrives. The girl notices her and approaches, smiling. Girl: It's okay, I got it. You're, uh, Buffy, right? Buffy is taken aback. Just as she's about to answer, the vampire comes up behind the girl and grabs her by the shoulders. She snaps her head back to head butt him in the face and grabs onto his arm. Faith: I'm Faith. She twists the vampire around and shoves him into the section of chain link fence. Oz: (to Willow) I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's a new Slayer in town. Faith knees him in the gut from behind. The vamp whirls around and tries to backhand punch her, but she easily ducks it. She punches him in the gut and then again in the face. Everyone just watches her fight. Xander follows her moves with jerks of his head. She does a high side kick to the vampire's jaw, grabs onto his shirt and neck and throws him to the ground. The vamp does a no-hand front roll to control his fall while Faith reaches over to Buffy for the stake and jerks it from her hand. Faith: Can I borrow that? The vampire uses the momentum of his roll to get back to his feet and runs at Faith, throwing a punch as he comes. She ducks it, hooks her hand on his shoulder, turns him around and pushes him back into the fence. She raises the stake and jams it cleanly into his chest and jerks it back out. The vampire instantly crumbles into ashes. Buffy stares in confused amazement. Faith faces her and hands her back the stake. Faith: Thanks, B. Couldn't have done it without you. She just continues walking past them all. Buffy turns to stare after her, unsure how to react. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. The camera follows a waitress holding a tray of six muffins past the pastry counter and into an alcove where Faith has joined the g*ng and is relating one of her stories to them. Faith: The whole summer it was, like, the worst heat wave. So it's about a hundred and eighteen degrees and I'm sleeping without a stitch on. The waitress sets the tray on a table and leaves. Faith: And all of a sudden, I hear this screaming from outside. So I go tearing out, stark nude, (Xander looks down at her body, licking his lips) and this church bus has broke down, and there's these three vamps feasting (Buffy listens calmly) on half the Baptists in South Boston. (Willow listens intently) So I waste the vamps, and the preacher comes up, and he's hugging me like there's no tomorrow, when all of a sudden, the cops pull up and they arrested us both. She reaches for a muffin. Xander stares blankly ahead of himself, trying to picture the scene. Xander: Wow. They should film that story and show it every Christmas. Cordelia, sitting next to him with her arms and legs crossed, turns her head to him and gives him a look. Faith tears into the muffin. Faith: God, I could eat a horse. Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you hungry and horny? (gobbles a piece) The others all turn their heads to look at Buffy. She stares back wide- eyed and suddenly uncomfortable. Buffy: Well... Sometimes I-I crave a nonfat yogurt afterwards. A look of sudden revelation washes across Cordelia's face, and she smiles. Cordelia: I get it. Faith gives her a confused look. Cordelia: Not the horny thing. Yuck! But the two Slayer thing. There was one, and then Buffy died for, like, two minutes, so then Kendra was called, and then when she died, Faith was called. Faith gives her a nod. Willow: But why were you called here? Faith: Well, I wasn't. My Watcher went off to some retreat thing in England, and so I skipped out. I figured this was my chance to meet the infamous Buff and compare notes. (Buffy gives her a little smile) So, B, did you really use a rocket launcher one time? Buffy: Uh, yeah, (leans forward) actually, it's a funny story. There was... Xander: (interrupts) So what was the, uh, story about that alligator? You, uh, said something... before. Faith: (with lots of gesturing) Oh, there's this Big Daddy Vampire out of Missouri who used to keep them as pets. So he's got me rasslin' one of 'em, okay? The thing must have been twelve feet (3.7 m) long and I'm... Xander: (interrupts) So was this, um, ahem, also naked? Faith: (teases) Well, the alligator was. (laughs) Xander smiles at her and laughs also. Cordelia: Xander? (glares when he looks) Find a new theme. Faith: (shakes her head) I tell ya, I never had more trouble than that damn vamp. (to Buffy) So what about you? What was your toughest k*ll? Buffy lowers her eyes and has another flashback to s*ab Angel in the chest with the sword, and his look of surprise and pain. She comes back and shakes herself out of her reverie. Buffy: Um, well, you know, (smiles weakly) they're all difficult, I guess. Faith waits for a story and takes a drink. Buffy: Uh... (remembers) Oh! Oh, do you guys remember the Three? They all look back inquisitively. Buffy: That's right, you never met the Three. Well, there was three... Oz: (interrupts) Something occurring. Uh, now, you both k*ll vamps, and who could blame you, but, I'm, I'm wondering about your position on werewolves. Willow: (put her hand on his shoulder) Oz is a werewolf. Buffy: It's a long story. (grins) Oz: (shrugs) I got bit. Buffy: Apparently not that long. Faith: (considers briefly) Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me or humpin' my leg, we're five-by-five, you know? Oz: Fair enough. Faith: The vamps, though, they better get their asses to DEFCON ONE, (points to Buffy) 'cause you and I are gonna have fun, you know, Watcherless and fancy-free. (smiles) Buffy: Watcherless? Faith: (looks around at everyone) Didn't yours go to England, too? Cut to the library. Giles stands at the end of the table with his hands in his pockets, reminiscing about the gatherings. Giles: There's a Watchers' retreat every year in the Cotswolds. (walks to the other end of the table) It's a lovely spot. It's very s-serene. (everyone listens) There's horse riding and hiking and punting (smiles) and lectures and discussions. It-i-it's... it's a great honor to be invited. (a tad bitter) Or so I'm told. Faith: Oh, it's boring. Way too stuffy for a guy like you. Buffy: Um, maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is *Giles*. Willow smirks. Faith: I see him. If I'd've known they came *that* young and cute, I would've requested a transfer. Giles takes off his glasses. Buffy: (grossed out) Raise your hand if 'ew'. (raises her hand) Xander raises his, but hides it by scratching his cheek. Giles: (chuckles) Well, um, uh, leaving aside for a moment my, uh, youth and beauty, (goes to the copier) I'd-I'd say it was, um, (grabs the newspaper) fortuitous that Faith arrived when she did. (comes back with it) Willow: (sh**t up her finger) (loudly) Aha! They all look at her. Willow: Sorry. I just meant... (sh**t up her finger again) (loudly) aha! There's big evil brewin'. You'll never be bored here, Faith. (Faith grins at her) 'Cause this is Sunnydale, home of the big brewin' evil. Giles: Yes, well, I don't know how big an evil it is, but, uh, two people have disappeared from the Sunset Ridge District. He hands Buffy the newspaper. She and Faith quickly scan the article. Buffy: Well, I'm good for patrolling. Late-ish, though. I promised Mom I'd be home for dinner. She hands Xander the paper. Willow nods toward Faith while looking at Buffy with big eyes. Buffy turns her eyes to Faith, and gets the hint. Buffy: Um, to which you're also invited, of course, dinner with us. Faith: Dyin' to meet the fam. I'm in. Buffy: Great! Great, then we can patrol, (less than thrilled) also together. Willow: Hey, don't you have that health science makeup? Buffy: Oh, yeah. Actually, I could use a little coaching. Willow hops off of the table, smiling. Xander grabs his things behind him. Willow: (to Faith) You know, you can hang out with us while she's testing. You wanna? Buffy mumbles to herself, realizing she's just become invisible to them. Xander: Say yes and, uh, bring your stories. (smiles as he walks out past Faith) Buffy: (goes to the table) You guys go. It's fine. Fine! I'll just... (sits) sit. Faith: (to Buffy) Okay. Hey, later. (to Giles) *We* will talk w*apon. She follows Xander and Willow out of the library. Giles watches her go. Giles: (points) This, um, this new girl seems to (sits on the table) have a lot of zest. (smiles) Buffy glares up at him. He quickly changes the subject. Giles: I-I-I've been having a little problem with the, uh, binding spell for Acathla. I-I-I'm lacking the, the requisite details to perform it correctly. Now, physical location. Acathla was facing south? Buffy: Mm-hm. (points to three positions on the table) Acathla, Angel, me. (makes a jabbing gesture through the three positions) Sword. (looks up at him) Giles: Now, see, that's what I thought, but I... Buffy: (interrupts and stands up) Giles, look, I've got makeup tests to pass, (pulls on her backpack) missing people in Sunset Ridge, and a zesty new Slayer to feed. (grabs her books) Next time I k*ll Angel, I'll video it. She walks out of the library to go take her test. Giles seems confused. Cut to the hall. Willow, Faith and Xander come in through the door at the end of the hall. They are giving Faith the tour. Willow: And over here, we have the cafeteria, (points at the door) where we were mauled by snakes. Xander: (points down) And this is the spot where Angel tried to k*ll Willow. Willow: Oh, (points, smiling) and over there in the lounge is where Spike and his g*ng nearly massacred us all on Parent-Teacher night. Faith is finding it all pretty incredible, and smiles. They reach the stairs, and Willow points up to the landing. Willow: Oh, a-and up those stairs, I was sucked into a muddy grave. They stop walking. Xander: And they say young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but, um, I've learned to be afraid. (smiles) Willow nods in agreement. Faith: (grins and laughs) You guys are a hoot and a half. If I'd had friends like you in high school, I... probably still would've dropped out. But I might've been sad about it, you know? Willow and Xander give her understanding nods and exchange a smile. Faith: (crosses her arms) Hey, so what's up with B? I mean, she seems wound kinda tight. Needs to find the fun a little? Like you two. Willow: Well, um, she... Faith: (spies the drinking fountain and points) Oh. Water. Willow and Xander turn to watch her go to the fountain. Cordelia approaches behind them. Xander: Oh, and then the alligator story! (to Willow) She's got something, doesn't she? Cordelia: What is it with you and Slayers? (Xander jerks around to face her) Maybe I should dress up as one and put a stake to your throat. Xander: Please, God, don't let that be sarcasm. (takes her arm and smiles) The camera moves over to Faith finishing her drink. Scott comes out of the cafeteria and almost bumps into her. She jumps back. Scott: Oh. Excuse me. Faith: Sorry. (looks at him curiously) I know you from somewhere. Scott: (recognizes her also) The Bronze. You're friends with Buffy, right? Faith: Yeah. I'm Faith. (holds out her hand) Scott: (accepts it) I'm Scott. Nice to meet you. Faith: Nice to meet you! They let go of their handshake. Buffy comes hopping down the stairs and joins Xander, Cordelia and Willow. Buffy: Well, I'm two for two with makeup tests. Proud, yes, but also humble in this time of... (notices them all staring) We're looking at what? She looks also and sees Scott talking and laughing with Faith. Cordelia: Does anyone believe that is her actual hair color? She rolls her eyes in disbelief and walks away. Willow: I haven't seen him laugh like that. Hey, maybe Faith and Scott could h*t it off. (Buffy looks at her) I mean, if you're done with him. (realizes she's doing it again) Not that you used him. She furrows her brow, sighs and shuts up while she still can. Buffy looks back at the two of them talking. Buffy: Well, I... hadn't definitely one hundred percent said no for all time. It's just, you know... You don't enter into these things lightly, you know. There's, there's repercussions to consider and... She sees Willow and Xander exchange a look. Buffy: Why am I seeing a look? Willow: (looks at her) You really *do* need to find the fun, B. Buffy looks at Willow in surprise. Willow: Uffy. Buffy sighs and decides to head over to Faith and Scott. Buffy: (smiles) Hey! Scott: Hey, Buffy! Uh, Faith has been telling me tall tales. Buffy: (smiles big) She's funny. (takes her arm) And she's leaving. We have to go. Scott: (disappointed) Oh... Faith: Bye. Buffy pulls her away and down the hall. Faith: (gestures back) He's a cutie. Is he seeing anybody? Buffy just ignores her and continues down the hall. Cut to a warehouse where Kakistos and Trick are holed up. The lights are low and candles are burning everywhere. Trick is typing away on his palm-top computer. Kakistos: Mr. Trick, talk to me. Trick: (looks up) Check this out. (walks over) This town, this very street, wired for fiber optics. (grins widely) See, we jack in a T-3, um, twenty-five hundred megs per, we have the whole *world* at our fingertips. Kakistos looks up at him, not really understanding. Trick: What I'm saying is, (grins) we stay local--where the humans are jumpin' and the cotton is high--but we live global. I mean, you know, you get the hankering for the blood of a fifteen-year-old Filipina, and I'm on the 'Net and she's here the next day, express air. (smiles widely) Kakistos: (losing his patience) I want the blood of the Slayer. Trick can't believe Kakistos' shortsightedness, and looks aside for a moment. Trick: On that note, there's good news and bad. Rumor has it that this town already has a Slayer, which makes two. (shakes his head) I'm not real sure how that happened. Kakistos: (jumps up from his chair, shouting) I don't care if there're a *hundred* Slayers! I'll k*ll them all! (indicates his scarred, blinded eye) She's going to pay for what she did to me. Trick: (nods) Yeah, she is. (there's a knocking at the door) I'm running a computer check on every hotel, rooming house and youth hostel in town. (goes to get a welder's glove) Meanwhile, as soon as the sun goes down, (pulls on the glove) we're out in force. (heads for the door) Food's here, boys. He opens the door, hiding behind it from the bright daylight outside. The Pizza Man looks in. Pizza Man: You guys order a piz... Trick lunges out with his gloved arm, grabs him by the shirt and yanks him in. The pizza falls to the floor along with the delivery man as Trick slams the door shut again. He roars and bends down for lunch. Cut to the Summers house. Joyce is serving dinner to Faith. Joyce: So you're a Slayer, too. Isn't that interesting! (smiles) Do you like it? (sets down the bowl) Faith: God, I love it! Buffy: (wants the bowl) Uh, Mom? Joyce: (waves her off) Uh, just a second, honey. (scoops broccoli onto Faith's plate) You know, Buffy never talks that way. Why do you love it? Buffy gives up and grabs a pair of tongs to take some fries for herself. Faith: Well, when I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes away and I only know one thing: that I'm gonna win and they're gonna lose. I like that feelin'. (digs into her food) Joyce smiles at that and takes her seat. Buffy: Well, sure. Beats that d*ad feeling you get when they win and you lose. Faith: I don't let that kind of negative thinking in. Joyce: (points at Faith) Right. (shakes her finger) Right. That could get you hurt. Buffy can be awfully negative sometimes. (to Buffy) See, honey, you gotta fight that. (smiles) Buffy: (smiles back weakly) I'm working on it. (keeps taking fries) Joyce: (notices Faith's empty glass) Oh, Faith, can I get you another soft drink? Faith: (hands over the glass) Oh, you bet. Joyce: Right. (goes into the kitchen) Faith: She's really cool, huh? Buffy: Best mom ever. (looks back into the kitchen) Excuse me. She gets up and goes. Faith grabs a bottle of hot sauce, gives it a sniff and grimaces. Cut to the kitchen. Joyce gets out a bottle of cola, brings it to the island and opens it. Joyce: I like this girl, Buffy. (pours the soda) Buffy: She's very personable. (sits on a stool) She gets along with my friends, my Watcher, my mom. (leans back and looks into the dining room) Look, now she's getting along with my fries. (leans forward) Joyce: (closes the soda bottle) Now, Buffy... Buffy: Plus, at school today, she was making eyes at my not-boyfriend. This is creepy. Joyce: (crosses her arms) Does anybody else think Faith is creepy? Buffy: (pouts) No, but I'm the one getting single-white-femaled here. Joyce: (nods) It's probably good you were an only child. Buffy: Mom, I'm just getting my life back. I'm not looking to go halfsies on it. Joyce: Well, there are some things I'd be happy to see you share. Like the slaying. I mean, two of you fighting is safer than one, right? Buffy: I guess. Joyce: Unless, I mean, you heard her. She *loves* the slaying. (leans over the island) Couldn't she take over for you? Buffy: Mom, no one can take over for me. Joyce: But you're going to college next year. I think it would be... Buffy: Mom, the only way you get a new Slayer is when the old Slayer dies. This quickly registers in Joyce's mind, and she straightens back up. Buffy realizes she's just said way too much. Joyce: Then that means you... (upset) When did you die? You never told me you died! Buffy: No, i-it was just for a few minutes. Joyce: (starts to pace nervously) Oh, I hate this. I hate your life. Buffy: Mom, I... Joyce: (faces her daughter) Look, I-I know you didn't choose this, I know it chose you. (takes a breath) I have tried to march in the 'Slayer Pride' parade, but... (suddenly very solemn) I don't want you to die. Buffy lowers her eyes, shakes her head and gives her mother a warm hug. Joyce: Oh... Buffy: I'm not gonna die. I know how to do my job. (releases the hug) Besides, like you said, I've got help now. She looks into the living room to see Faith picking at everything in sight and stuffing it into her mouth. Buffy: (raises her eyebrows) I've got all the help I can stand. Cut to an alley at night. There is construction equipment lying around. Buffy and Faith come strolling along, looking around for any vampires. Faith: Didn't we, um, do this street already? Buffy: Funny thing about vamps. They'll h*t a street even *after* you've been there. It's like they have no manners. Faith: (shrugs) Mm. You've been doing this the longest. Buffy: I have. Faith: Yeah. Maybe a little *too* long. Buffy: (looks at Faith) Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean? Faith: Nothing. Buffy: You got a problem? Faith: (spreads her arms) I'm five-by-five, B, living entirely large, actually wondering about (points at her) *your* problem. Buffy: Well, I may not sleep in the nude and rassle alligators... Faith: Maybe it's time you started, 'cause obviously *something* in your bottle needs uncorking. What is it, (gestures wildly) the, the Angel thing? (keeps looking around) Buffy: (stops in her tracks) What do you know about Angel? Faith: (faces her, copping an attitude) Just what your friends tell me: big love, big loss. You oughta deal and move on, but you're not. Buffy: (steps closer) I got an idea: how about from now on, we don't hear from you on Angel or anything else in my life. Which, by the way, is *my* life. Faith: What are you getting so strung out for, B? Buffy: Why are your lips still moving, F? Faith: Did I just hear a thr*at? Buffy: Would you like to? Faith: Wow. Think you can take me? Buffy: Yeah. (looks over Faith's shoulder) I just hope they can't. She shoves Faith aside as a vampire att*cks, making her fall to the ground. Buffy punches the vamp in the gut, and he goes flying onto his back. A second one comes in and takes a swing at Buffy, but she ducks him. She middle blocks his wide punch and low blocks his next punch. She then punches him in the face and the gut. She takes his head in both hands and twists. His body follows the motion, and he log rolls down to the ground. Faith gets back up and grabs a nearby trashcan. A third vampire runs in and punches Buffy in the face. He goes around behind her and trips her with his outstretched leg, making her fall to the ground. Behind him Faith crams the trashcan down over his head, blinding him. She takes hold of the can and pushes him into a sheet of drywall. The board breaks and falls on top of him as he falls over. One of the others dives for Buffy, but she rolls out of the way and onto her feet. Immediately she crouches down and stakes him in the chest. He bursts into ashes. The other one grabs her from behind and pulls her away. Faith's opponent is back up, and she spins around once and does a side kick, getting him in the stomach. The kick forces him back, and he knocks his head hard into a low pipe behind him. Buffy's attacker throws her onto a stack of plywood. She hits the wall behind it, but quickly gets to her feet. The vampire jumps onto the stack just in time to be side kicked in the stomach. He flies back and lands on a dumpster hard on his back, rolls off and falls to the ground. Faith's assailant punches her in the face, but she isn't fazed in the least. She blocks two punches with her forearms and then backhand punches him in the face. Faith: My d*ad mother hits harder than that! She grabs him by the sweater and throws him onto a couple of sheets of drywall laid across two sawhorses. They break instantly under his weight. She runs up to him, grabs his sweater and punches him in the face. Buffy flips her opponent in an awkward open front layout, and he lands hard on a large duct pipe, which crushes under him. She looks over at Faith, who is whaling away on her vampire with continuous punches to the face. Buffy: Faith! Stake him already and give me a hand! Still another vampire grabs her by her jacket and throws her to the ground. She lands on her stomach near a piece of wood lying there. The vampire and her original attacker both make a grab for her. Meanwhile Faith keeps whaling on her victim. Faith: This is *me*, (punch) you un (punch) d*ad (punch) bastard! Buffy reaches desperately for the piece of two-by-four in front of her. Vampire: For Kakistos we live! For Kakistos you'll die! Buffy glances up at him for an instant, then continues desperately clawing for the hunk of wood. Buffy: (screams) FAITH! Faith pays her no attention and just keeps punching her vampire to a pulp. Buffy: OH! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The alley. Buffy keeps reaching for the two-by-four. Faith continues her pounding. Buffy finally manages to grab the board, and she swings it up and beans one of the vampires in the face with it, and turning to the other, push kicks him off of her. She quickly gets to her feet and looks over at Faith. Buffy: Faith! The one she kicked off makes a grab at her from behind, and she instinctively turns and jams the makeshift stake home. The vampire crumbles to ashes. She drops the hunk of wood, reaches into her jacket for a proper stake and heads over to Faith. Faith is still whaling on the vampire, long after he's too dazed to fight back. Faith: You (punch) can't (punch) touch (punch) me! She shakes the vampire a bit before going back to punching him. Buffy comes up behind her, grabs her by the waist and pulls her off of him. She them thrusts down with her stake and dusts him. Without skipping a b*at she confronts Faith with her behavior. Buffy: What is wrong with you? Faith: What are you talking about? Buffy: I'm talking about you 'living large' on that vampire! Faith: Gee, if doing v*olence to vampires upsets you, I think you're in the wrong line of work! Buffy: Yeah, or maybe you like it a little too much. Faith: I was getting the job done. Buffy: The job is to slay demons! *Not* b*at them to a bloody pulp while their friends corner me! Faith: (shrugs) I thought you could handle yourself. (walks off) Buffy lets out an exasperated sigh. Cut to the school halls the next day. Buffy and Giles come out of the cafeteria and walk toward the library. Giles: What you must realize, Buffy, is that you and Faith have very different temperaments. (sips his coffee) Buffy: Yeah, and mine's the sane one. (Giles chuckles) The girl's not playing with a full deck, Giles. She has almost no deck. She has a three. Giles: You said yourself that she-she k*lled one. Sh-she-she's just a plucky fighter who got a little carried away. Which is natural. She's focused on the slaying. She doesn't have a whole other life here, as you do. Buffy: She doesn't need a life. She has mine. Giles: I think you're being a little... Buffy: No, I'm being a lot. (Giles sips again) I know that. But she nearly got us both k*lled. The girl needs help. Giles: All right. I'll see if I can reach her Watcher at the retreat. They're (checks his watch) eight hours ahead now. I guess they're probably sitting down to a nightcap. Buffy continues on toward the library, but Giles just stands there and starts to stare off into space. Giles: I wonder if they still kayak. I used to love a good kayak. (Buffy comes back) You see, t-they don't even consider... (sees her looking at him) Sorry. I digress. (they both continue) The, um, vampires that att*cked you, can you furnish me with some details that might help me trace their lineage? I mean, ancient or-or-or modern dress. Amulets, cultish tattoos... (sips his coffee) Buffy: Uh, no tats. Crappy dressers. And, uh... Oh, the one that nearly bit me mentioned something about kissing toast. (a spark of recognition appears on Giles' face) He lived for kissing toast. Giles: You mean 'Kakistos'? Buffy: (tries to remember) Maybe it was taquitos. Maybe he lived for taquitos. (looks at him) What? Giles: Kakistos. (heads into the library) Buffy: (frowns) Is that bad? (follows him) Cut into the library. Giles quickly paces in and sets his things on the counter. Giles: 'Kakistos' is Greek. It means the worst of the worst. (Heads behind the counter) It's also the name of a vampire so old that his hands and feet are cloven. He goes into his office and comes out with a book, setting it on the counter and leafing through it. Buffy: Now, this guy shows up two days ago, right? Right around the same time my bestest new little sister makes the scene. Giles: (looks up and considers) You think he and Faith are connected? Buffy: Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns. Giles: Well, Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously. Buffy: Okay, but I was right about the leprechauns, right? Giles: (thinks for a moment) As far as I know, yes. Buffy: Good. Okay, you get England on the phone. I'm gonna talk to Faith, see if 'khaki trousers' rings... Giles: Kakistos. Buffy: Kakistos rings a bell. Or an alarm. Giles: Right. Buffy: Right. (heads out) Cut to the hall. Buffy strides toward the lounge and is about to round the corner toward the exit when Scott approaches her. Scott: Hi. Buffy: (surprised to see him) Scott! Scott: How are you? Buffy: Uh, o-okay. You know, I-I gotta... Scott: I know, be somewhere else, right? Think of this as my last-ditch effort. I realize that one more is gonna qualify as stalking. (nervously) I've given it a lot of thought--some might say too much thought--to, to how I might be a part of your life. It begins with conversation. We all know this. Maybe over a cup of coffee, or maybe at the Buster Keaton festival playing on State Street all this weekend. Buffy finds this to be a very sweet overture and smiles warmly. She takes a moment to consider his offer. Buffy: You know, come to think of it, I-I don't think I've given a fair chance to... Buster Keaton. I... I like what I've seen of him so far. I... I think it might be time to see a little more. Scott: (takes and releases a breath, smiling) Keaton is key. Oh. (reaches into a pocket) Um, I got you a little present. (pulls out a small box) The guy in the retro shop said that it represents friendship, (holds it out to her) and that's something I would very much like to have with you. Buffy takes the box, looks up at him and back at the box. She takes off the lid and looks at what's inside. It's a Claddagh ring. Scott: You like? She immediately has an anxiety att*ck, and drops the box. The ring falls free of its padding and hits the floor with an echoing clinking. Giles comes down the hall toward them just in time to see it fall. Buffy: I can't. I-I-I-I can't do this. (takes a quick breath) Scott bends down to pick up the box and the ring. He looks at her and at the ring. Scott: Okay. I get the message. (leaves) Buffy just stands there as if in a trance. Giles reaches out to her. Giles: Are you all right? She shoves off his caring hand, not realizing who it is. Buffy: Uh... (looks up) Giles, I, uh... (wipes a tear) Yeah, I'm fine. (tries to settle herself) Um, did you reach the retreat? Giles: (looks at the floor) Yes, I did. Buffy: W-what did her Watcher say? Giles: Her Watcher's d*ad. Buffy stares back in disbelief. Cut to a cheap hotel. Cut into a room. The hotel manager is having a talk with Faith. Manager: The room's eighteen dollars a day. That's every day. Faith: Yeah, I know. I'll get it to you by tomorrow, I swear. Manager: (sighs and shrugs) It's not like I own the place. Faith: (gives him a smile) But I bet you will someday. Manager: Not if I listen to broads like you. Buffy appears at the door and steps in. Manager: (to Faith, indicating Buffy) Roommates are extra. Buffy: I'm just visiting. The manager gives up and walks out of the room. Buffy reaches for the door to pull it shut. Faith: So, what brings you to the poor side of town? The door slams closed, and Buffy faces Faith. Buffy: Cloven Guy. Goes by the name Kakistos. Faith: (taken aback) What do you know about Kakistos? Buffy: That he's here. The look on Faith's face betrays her apprehension at hearing this. Buffy: We're not happy to see old friends, are we? What'd he do to you? Faith: (quickly grabs her bag) It's what I did to him, all right? She puts it on the bed and starts to stuff her things into it. Buffy: And what was that? Faith, you came here for a reason. I can help. Faith: (looks up from packing) You can mind your own business. (points at herself) *I'm* the one that can handle this. Buffy: Yeah. You're a real bad-ass when it comes to packing. (gets a look from Faith) What was that you said about my problem? Gotta deal and move on? Well, we have the 'moving on' part right here. What about dealing? Is that just something you're gonna dump on me? Faith: (finishes packing) You don't know me. You don't know what I've been through. I'll take care of this, all right? (heads for the door) Buffy: Like you took care of your Watcher? This stops Faith cold. She lets go of the doorknob and looks down sadly. A moment later she turns to Buffy. Buffy: He k*lled her, didn't he? Faith: (angrily) They don't have a word for what he did to her. There's a knock at the door. Faith looks through the peephole and sees that it's the manager, looking very strung out. Faith: (sighs) Oh, what now? Buffy: Faith, you run, he runs after you. Faith: That's where the head start comes in handy. She opens the door and sees Kakistos standing behind the d*ad manager, holding him up. Faith steps back into the room aghast. Kakistos drops the manager's body and smiles at her. Kakistos: Faith. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Faith's hotel room. Kakistos roars and grabs Faith by the neck. She grabs his wrist and tries to pull him off of her, but he is too strong. Faith: No! Buffy rushes up between them, shoves Faith back into the room, forcing Kakistos to let go, and slams the door on his arm. He yells in anger and pain, and eventually has to pull his arm out. Buffy slams the door shut, locks it and puts on the safety chain. Buffy: I just bought us a little more... Kakistos punches through the door and tries to reach for Buffy. Buffy: ...time! Faith: (panics and screams) NO! NOOOOO! Buffy: Scream later! Escape now! She runs for the bathroom dragging Faith behind her. Behind them Kakistos kicks in the door. Cut to the alley behind the hotel. The bathroom window gets kicked out, and Faith scrambles through. Buffy jumps through right behind her. Buffy: Let's go! She takes Faith's hand again, and they start to run. They reach a fork in the alley and take the left one. Trick and his thugs reach the intersection a moment later. One of them follows the girls. Trick signals for two of the others to double back while he and a fourth take the right fork. Cut inside a warehouse. Buffy comes crashing in through a window, and Faith jumps in behind her. They scramble to their feet and see the vampire chasing them run right past. Buffy: We're okay. (faces Faith) What happened? Faith is too freaked out to think straight. Buffy: Faith, what happened? Faith: (frightened) I... I was *there* when he k*lled my Watcher, and I saw what he did to her... what he was gonna do to me. I tried to stop him, but I... I couldn't. And I ran. Buffy: (breathing hard) Faith, first rule of slaying: don't die. You did the right thing. Okay? You didn't die. Now you do the math. One of him, two of us. Faith: (looks past Buffy shaking her head) No. Buffy: Yes. Faith: (getting panicky) No. Buffy turns around to see what she's looking at. There on the floor lie the bodies of the Pizza Man and others. Faith: This is his place. Buffy: He drove us here. One of the vampires appears at an entrance and growls at them. They begin to run through the warehouse. The vampire gives chase. Two others come in the other side and try to head them off. Buffy stops by a bucket, and putting her foot in, kicks it into one of the vampire's faces. He stumbles backward and over a chair. She does a full spinning hook kick to the other vampire and a side kick to another one behind her. He falls backwards over a table. Buffy runs and jumps onto the table, log rolls over it and kicks him in the back as he tries to get back up. Kakistos walks into the building, his one-eyed gaze fixed on Faith. Buffy rolls to a stand on the table. She picks up a crowbar and swings it baseball style at yet another vampire advancing towards her, hitting her squarely in the neck and knocking her down and out. She sees Kakistos advancing on Faith. Buffy: Faith! (gets her attention) Don't die! (throws her the crowbar) Faith catches the crowbar in mid-air, but before she can swing it at Kakistos, he punches her hard and knocks her into a bunch of large wooden beams leaning against the wall. She hits the floor as the beams go tumbling. Trick walks in calmly, nodding his head and observing the fight. Buffy Kn*fe hands her attacker in the neck and throws him into an assisted front tuck off of the table. Kakistos calmly steps up to Faith as she scrambles up against the wall, cowering. He reaches down and grabs her by the shirt, picking her up off of the floor. Faith: NO! Once he has her up, he punches her squarely in the face. Buffy is no longer on the table, and she roundhouse kicks over it, knocking the legs out from under a vampire standing on it. He rolls off of the table and onto his back, and Buffy stakes him cleanly. She looks up at Faith being whaled on by Kakistos. Behind her the unconscious vampire wakes. Kakistos finally hits Faith hard enough to knock her from his own grip onto the floor. He roars loudly. Buffy jumps up and runs over to att*ck him. She roundhouse kicks him in the back of the knee, spins around and tries to backhand him in the face, but he blocks it. She spins around the other way and backhands him in the face. The now wakened vampire gets back up from the floor, and Trick comes up behind her. Trick: If we don't do something, the Master could get k*lled. He considers that for a moment, and decides that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Trick: Well, our prayers are with him. He and the vampire turn to leave. Buffy tries to stake Kakistos, but the stake can't easily penetrate his thick hide, and so has no effect on him. He grabs Buffy by the hair, lifts her and throws her back. Trick and the vampire calmly continue on their way out. Trick: There's a reason these vengeance crusades are out of style. It's the modern vampire who sees the big picture. Buffy backhands Kakistos, landing a hard punch. He swings at her, but she ducks. She stands up and tries to stake him again, but even though the stake goes in deeper this time, it still has no effect on him. Again he grabs her by the head and shoves her back into the wall. Faith recovers from her daze, and sees him looming before her, but looking at Buffy instead of at her. Kakistos: I guess you need a bigger stake, Slayer! (laughs maniacally) Faith sees that one of the fallen beams has a broken end. She lifts it up over her shoulder, and before Kakistos can turn his attention back onto her she thrusts the beam through his chest and out his back. He looks down at it and back up at Faith, and then explodes into ashes. Buffy stares in amazement. Faith heaves a few heavy breaths. Buffy pulls the hair back from her face and steps over to Faith, who looks around to make sure nothing else is about to att*ck. They both look down at the pile of ash left by Kakistos. Buffy: You hungry? Faith: Starved. They both head out of the building. Cut to Sunnydale High School the next day. Cut to the library. Giles gets up from his desk and comes out to the table in the main room. Giles: The council has approved our request. Faith is to stay here indefinitely. (walks around the table) I'm to look after you both until a new Watcher is assigned. (picks up some papers) Buffy is sitting on the table and Willow is sitting in a chair. Buffy: Good. She really came through in the end. (slides off of the table) She had a lot to deal with, but she did it. She got it behind her. Giles: I'm glad to hear it. (looks over the papers) Buffy looks down at the table sadly and quietly for a long moment. Buffy: Angel was cured. Giles: (looks up) I'm sorry? Buffy: When I k*lled him, Angel was cured. (to Willow) Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. (Willow looks up, taking it all in) I was about to take him out, and, um... something went through him... and he was Angel again. He-he didn't remember anything that he'd done. He just held me. Um, but i-it was... it was too late, and I, I had to. So I, I told him that I loved him... and I kissed him... and I k*lled him. She looks down at the table again for another long moment. The others stay silent. Buffy: I don't know if that helps with your spell or not, Giles. Giles: Uh, yes, I, I believe it will. Willow: (very sympathetically) I'm sorry. Buffy: It's okay. (gives them a little smile) I've been holding on to that for so long. Felt good to get it out. (pauses, then smiles thinly) I'll see you guys later. She walks out of the library while looking down at the floor. Willow watches her friend go, contemplating the meaning of it all. Giles eventually starts to go back to his office. As he walks around Willow she gets up from her chair. Willow: Giles, I know you don't like me playing with mystical forces, but I can really help with this binding spell. Giles: There is no spell. He starts toward his office again. Willow begins to realize that he'd made the whole spell issue up to get Buffy to talk and release her inner sorrow. Cut to the halls. Scott comes out of a classroom. Buffy is waiting behind the door for him, and steps out into the hall when she sees him pass by. Buffy: Scott. Scott: (stops) Uh, hello. (pulls on his backpack) Buffy: Hey. Uh, I was, um, I was waiting for you to get out of class. Scott: Oh. Um, why? Buffy: Um... There was someone a while ago, and, uh, the ring sort of confused me. But I liked what you said about friendship. (begins to ramble) I liked it a lot. And Buster Keaton. Big fun. And I'm capable of big fun even though there's no earthly way you could possibly know that about me. Wow. If I knew I was gonna go on this long, I probably would've brought some water. Uh, (exhales) what I'm trying to say is, um... if you would still like to go to the film festival--and I would understand it if you didn't--I'd pretty much love to go with you. Scott: (looks around awkwardly) Uh... Ahem. (shrugs) I don't know, Buffy. I'm, I'm really gonna have to think about this. Buffy nods in understanding. He starts down the hall for a few steps, stops and immediately comes back. Scott: Okay. You know what, I thought about it, and I'm in. When do you want to go? Buffy: (smiles) Uh, well, I have one thing that I have to do tonight, and then I'm good. Scott: (smiles) Good. Buffy smiles back at him warmly. Cut to the mansion that night. Cut inside to the great room where Acathla stood. Buffy slowly walks in from a side door to the spot where she slew Angel. She looks down at the floor, and the tears begin to come. She slowly crouches down, and looks at her Claddagh ring. Buffy: (quietly) Goodbye. Gently she places the ring on the floor. She reflects for a moment before standing back up, looking at the great hall around her. She turns around and slowly starts to walk away toward the main door. The camera shows her walking from a high angle, giving a good view of the cavernous room. When she's gone, the camera cuts to the ring. The picture fades to black. A moment later a bright beam of light illuminates the ring on the floor. It gets more and more intense, and the ring begins to vibrate, clinking madly against the marble. Suddenly the room is awash with a blindingly bright white light emanating from a dimensional portal opening above the ring. A body falls through and hits the stone floor hard. The light fades as the portal closes, and a naked man is left lying there. He is unsteady as he tries to get up, but he is too weak to do more than lift his face. It is Angel, looking very dazed. His breathing is shallow and labored, and he shivers violently as he looks up at the room around him.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x03 - Faith, Hope & Trick"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Night in a wood near Sunnydale. The full moon rises slowly above the trees. Cut into the wood. The camera moves among the trees and bushes low to the ground in slow motion. Buffy reads from 'Call of the Wild' in a voiceover. Buffy: 'One night after supper, the lead dog turned up a snowshoe rabbit. The dog lay down low to the race, his body flashing forward, leap by leap.' Cut to the library. Buffy's voice dissolves into that of Willow, who is walking around the area by the cage while reading from the book. Willow: 'He was sounding the deeps of his nature and the parts of his nature that were deeper than he, going back into the wombs of time. The rabbit could not...' Suddenly werewolf Oz leaps up against the cage door and rattles it at her. She startles and steps back. Willow: Okay. Uh, maybe we should try a less stimulating passage. She flips through the pages of the book while Oz growls at her and settles back down in the cage. Xander walks into the library, carrying a thermos and a couple of magazines, looking very tired. Xander: Private Harris reporting for Oz watch. Willow: (looks up from the book) Xander! Oh, good. Xander yawns as he walks up to her and takes the book out of her hands. Xander: Oh! 'Call of the Wild.' Aren't we reading the Cliff Notes to this for English? Willow: Some of us are. (takes back the book) Anyway, it'll help you stay awake. It's good and, and very wolfy. (looks at Oz) Seems to soothe the savage beast. She takes Xander's arm and leads him away from the cage toward the table. As the camera pulls back with them the towels draped across most of the cage come into view. Willow: (quietly) Except for the parts about... (whispers) rabbits. Oz hears that, and he jumps against the cage, banging it loudly. Xander and Willow both jump and look back at him. Xander: (snags the book) Rabbis? (looks it over) Willow: (takes the book back again) It... seems to make him a little overexcited. (puts it on the table) Okay. Now, he's had his 2:00 feeding, and, uh, after sunrise, if he forgets where his clothes are, they're on top of the file cabinet in his cage. (indicates the cage) I put those towels up for privacy. Xander: Uh, no worries. I can handle the Oz Full Monty. (smirks) I mean, not 'handle' handle, like 'hands to flesh' handle. Willow: (nods) Mm, okay. (with lots of nervous gesturing) Well, it's not for you. It's for me, 'cause I'm still getting used to half a Monty. Xander: Oh. Good. (realizes) Half? You and Oz? Which half? Willow: (with a big smile) Wouldn't *you* like to know? Anyway, he's more manageable tonight and on the third night. Tomorrow night, the total full moon, that's when he's a real wolfer. (reaches across the table) But in case there's trouble... there won't be, but if... She holds up the dart r*fle. Xander takes it from her with his right hand while still holding his things with his left, and slips his index finger into the trigger guard. Xander: Sleepy time. Gotcha. He holds the stock of the w*apon against his shoulder. Willow: Thanks again for doing this. I wouldn't have asked, but I have this test. Xander: No big. You can count on me. (looks at his things) I got my coffee, magazines. Figured I'd read, maybe (points with the g*n) run the stairs over there a little bit. (chuckles) I'm good. Willow isn't thrilled with the way he's handling the r*fle, and so takes it out of his hand, giving him a nervous smile. She sets it down on the table, gives him a little wave goodbye and starts out. On the way past the cage she gives werewolf Oz a little wave, too. Willow: Bye. Oz raises his head and growls as he watches her go. Xander picks the book up from the table, inspects the cover and looks up at Oz. He decides to make things easy on himself. He climbs onto the table, sets the book down at one end and lies on his stomach, using the book as a pillow. He smiles as he settles himself for a relaxing nap. In the cage Oz lets out a loud growl. Cut to the cemetery. Faith and Buffy are strolling through on patrol. Faith: Nice place. Do you ever catch kids doing the diddy out here? Buffy: No. There's a smooch spot up by the woods. That's usually where kids go. Faith: Yeah? Bet you and Scott have been up there kicking the gearshift. (grins) Buffy: (gives her a look) Hardly. Only been on a few dates. Faith: But you like him. And when you think about him, you get that (inhales) good, down-low tickle, right? Buffy: (smiles) Yeah, I guess, but... (realizes what she may have meant, and gives her the eye) How low? Faith: (grins broadly) You tell me. Buffy: How about not? (looks around dreamily) But he is... (sighs) nice, and he's funny. Faith: And quite a muffin. She gives Buffy a smile. Buffy smiles back. Buffy: Blueberry. That crunchy, munchy stuff on top. But my most favorite thing so far (sighs) is that he doesn't seem to be any kind of Hell Beast. Faith: All men are beasts, Buffy. Buffy: Okay, I was hoping to not get that cynical till I was at least forty. Faith: It's not cynical. I mean, it's realistic. Every guy from... Manimal down to Mr. I-Love-The-English-Patient has beast in him. And I don't care how sensitive they act. They're all still just in it for the chase. Buffy has to tacitly admit that Faith may have a point. Cut to the woods. A boy runs through the bushes in a panic. The camera chases him, and a creature's growling and heavy breath can be heard. The boy looks back to check on his pursuer, and trips over a low branch. He rolls onto his back and tries to push himself away with his feet, but whatever is chasing him is quickly on top of him and drags him away. The boy screams loudly as he disappears from the camera's view. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. Willow, Oz and Buffy climb the outside stairs from the quad up to the balcony. Willow: I don't think that's true, that every guy is in it only for the chase. Buffy: I know. It is an awful generalization. Scott: Hey Buffy! She looks along the balcony to see him approaching at a quick pace. Willow gives Oz a smile. Scott: That's what I stopped you for, basically. Hey. Buffy: Okay. (smiles) Hey. Scott's friends Debbie and Pete approach the group. Oz notices them and holds up his hand in greeting. Debbie is holding a bouquet of flowers. Oz: How do, Debbie? Debbie: Hi, Oz. Hey, you're not doing jazz band this year? Oz: Oh, can't take the pressure. It's not the music that's hard, it's the marching. Buffy: We have a marching jazz band? (looks at Scott inquisitively) Oz: Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... Scary. Willow: (smiles at everyone) He's just being Oz. Oz: Pretty much full-time. (smiles at Willow) Buffy: (sees Debbie's bouquet) Those are pretty flowers. Debbie: Thanks. Pete brought them for me. (smiles at him) Pete: (smiles) Yeah. Well, I-I'm sure Scott does that kind of stuff for you, too, Buffy. Scott: Oh, well, we're not up to flowers. (to Buffy) Are we? Up to flowers? Did I miss flowers? Buffy: (reassuringly) No. We're pre-posy. Definitely. Scott nods, relieved. Buffy: What time is it? (grabs Scott's watch) Oh, I have to go see Mr. Platt today. Debbie: Platt? The school counselor? Buffy: I get to convince him that I'm Little Miss s*ab so I can stay in school. Debbie: Platt creeps me out. I would totally quit going, but I'm flunking senior bio, and my teacher says I have success issues. (giggles) Oz: Senior bio? I kinda aced that final. Willow: (needles Oz) And how did you do that? Oh, right. You showed up. He takes Willow's jibes good-naturedly. Oz: (to Debbie) If you want my notes, they're yours. Debbie: Thanks! That'd be great! The bell rings. Buffy: We'd better go. (to Scott) I'll see you. Scott: Yep. They kiss lightly on the lips. Buffy turns and heads into the building. Oz gives them a wave, and he and Willow follow her. Scott gives his friends a contented look. Cut to Giles' office. He and Xander look up from reading an article in the paper and head out into the main area. Giles: We need to recheck every possible exit avenue. Xander: I'm telling you, it's a waste of time. I was here all night. They notice Willow and Oz coming into the library. Giles: Right. (smiles stiffly) It's good to see you. Um, no need to panic. Oz: Just a thought: poker: not your game. Willow: (worried) What's the deal, Giles? Giles: (starts to pace) Now, uh, bear in mind, uh, most likely, there, there, there is no deal, (stops and looks at Xander) but um, if, if, if there was a deal, then it, um, would concern m*rder... last night. A male student was, was found i-i-in the woods. Willow: Which student? Giles: Jeff Orkin. Oz: Jeff? He was... He looks over at Xander. Xander looks down at the floor. Oz: I knew him. Giles: I'm afraid he was, he was, um, terribly mauled. Now, uh, much as I hate to think it, i-i-it could be the handiwork of, of... Oz: Me. Willow: (very concerned) Wolf you, not you you. Xander: But it's not. Not wolf you, not you you. The room was secured, the gate was locked, (heads into the cage) and the window unbreakable, and... (looks up at the window) open! He points up at it as he comes back out of the cage. Willow: (upset) Oh, God. Giles and Oz both go over to check the window, too. Xander: Not to freak. I rested my eyes now and then. That's all. Willow gives him a betrayed look. Giles: (looks down from the window) How long... *exactly* did you... rest your eyes for? (glares at him) Oz just stares into space, turning the implications over in his mind. Xander: A little now, uh, a little then. But I never heard Oz leave, and he was here in the morning when I, um... (searches for words) when I... Giles: (angrily) WOKE UP! Xander: You could put it that way if you want to, Mr. Technical. Oz walks over to Willow, looking at her sadly. Willow: Oh, God. She takes his hand to comfort him. He looks at Giles imploringly. Cut to the school psychologist's office. The door opens, and Buffy enters. She closes it behind herself and steps up to the desk. Mr. Platt is sitting in his chair facing away, looking out the window while his ever-present cigarette smolders in his fingers. Mr. Platt: Two o'clock. Miss Summers. He makes no move to turn around to face her. Buffy: (smiles) Buffy Summers, reporting for sanity. Her smiles fades when she realizes he still isn't going to turn around. Instead he just blows out a huge cloud of cigarette smoke. Buffy: Look... I know that I have to do this, and I-I'll cooperate, and I'll look at your ink blots and everything, but... I don't wanna talk about my life or my childhood or... anything, for that matter, actually. And, uh... I don't wanna be friends here. Mr. Platt: (finally turns) We're not gonna be friends. (smiles at her) You have friends already, I hope. (waves his hand at her) Friends are a good thing. (takes another drag from his cigarette) Mm-hm. (crushes it out) They like you, agree with you, tell you what you wanna hear. (reaches into his desk drawer) That's not what you need right now. (pulls out a can of deodorizer) What you need is a trained, not... *too* crazy professional who will always give you his honest opinion. He pops the top off of the aerosol can and gives a couple of sprays around himself. Buffy just gives him an odd look and says nothing. Mr. Platt: Which I offer. He looks back at her for a moment before gesturing to a chair. Mr. Platt: Have a seat. He caps the can and puts it away as she sits in the chair. Buffy: Not too crazy? Those are your credentials? He stands up and starts to walk around his desk. Mr. Platt: Look, Buffy, any person -- grownup, shrink, (sits on his desk) pope -- any person who claims to be *totally* sane is either lying or not very bright. I mean, everyone has problems. Everybody has demons, right? Buffy: (averts her eyes) Gotta say I'm with you on that. (looks down at her hands) Mr. Platt: Excellent. So, the hope I bring you is: demons can be fought. (Buffy looks up at him in surprise) People can change. *You* can change. Now. Your turn. (crosses his arms) Let's start with why you ran away. She looks up for a moment, then begins to fidget and lean back in her seat. Buffy: (smiles weakly) That's a long story. Mr. Platt: Mm. (shrugs) Bore me. Buffy: You know, I'm, I'm really over it. I-I'm moving on, I feel good, I'm, I'm even dating someone new. Mr. Platt: All good things. (gestures widely with his arms) But still, you're (inhales and leans back) you're bringing me in at the end of the movie. Buffy: (awkwardly) I was dating someone. Uh, it-it ended badly. My mom and I were fighting, and I... kinda freaked. Mr. Platt: Well, tell me more about this guy. The Bad Ending Guy. She looks up at him for a long moment before letting out a breath and looking down at her hands again. Buffy: He was my first... I loved him, and then he... Mr. Platt: ...changed. She looks up at him, surprised again. Buffy: Yeah. Mr. Platt: He got mean. Buffy: Yes. Mr. Platt: And you didn't stop loving him. Buffy doesn't know what to add or how to respond. Mr. Platt: Look, lots of people lose themselves in love. It's, it's no shame. They write songs about it. The hitch is, you can't stay lost. Sooner or later, you... you have to get back to yourself. Buffy: (considers) And if you can't? Mr. Platt: If you can't... (inhales) Well, love becomes your master, and you're just its dog. She didn't expect to hear it put quite that way. Cut to the library. Buffy comes in and finds Giles pacing and everyone else sitting on the steps and looking gloomy. She sets her bag on the table. Buffy: I'm afraid to ask. (crosses her arms) Cordelia: Oz ate someone last night. Willow: (glares) He did not! Xander: (annoyed) Oz does not eat people. (Cordelia rolls her eyes) It's more werewolf play. (Buffy looks at Giles inquiringly) You know, I bat you around a little bit, like a cat toy. I have harmless, wolf fun. Is it Oz's fault that, (Oz lowers his head) you know, side effect, people get cut to ribbons, and maybe then he'll take a little nibble and... (Willow gives him a hurt look) I'm not helping, am I? Giles: No. Oz may have got out of his cage last night. Oz: Or maybe there's a, another werewolf roaming the woods. Giles: Perhaps. Perhaps it's something else entirely. Buffy: It's okay. We'll work together, and we'll figure this out. Giles: Yes. Um... (thinks) Buffy. Uh, you, uh, you patrol the woods. Uh, the others, um, check out the morgue. Willow: (hopeful) Right! We can see if it's a werewolf k*ll or not. (glances at Oz next to her) But what about Oz? Giles: Um... Well, I have some research materials at home I need to look up. Uh... W-w-we could ask Faith to watch over him. Buffy nods and looks at Oz. Oz looks up at Giles. Oz: What, you're having a Slayer watch me? Oh, good, we're not overreacting. He gets up to leave, not willing to listen to any more of this. Willow gives Buffy a concerned look and gets up to go after him. She reaches out and touches him on the shoulder. He stops and turns to face her. She tries to give him a reassuring smile. Oz: Okay. Uh, you know that thing where you bail in the middle of an upsetting conversation? (inhales) I have to do that. (exhales) It's kinda dramatic, I know, but... sometimes, it's a necessary guy thing. Willow: And I want you to... do the guy thing, but... She glances and gestures at the clock on the wall and sighs. Oz looks over at it, too. 5:34pm. Almost sunset. He looks back at her and the others, realizing this isn't the time to do the guy thing, and lets out a heavy sigh. He looks over at the cage, and reluctantly goes to lock himself up. Willow follows him. The door squeaks when he pulls it open and again as he pulls it closed. It locks shut with a clang. Willow: Oz? Oz: (unwilling to look at her) Get away from the cage. Willow: (confused by his tone of voice) What? Oz: (still not looking at her) It's gonna happen soon. Willow still won't go. Oz: Get away from me. He turns his back to her. Willow is hurt and confused by his behavior. Cut to the woods later that night. Buffy patrols through them by herself, looking around and listening carefully. The camera watches her from behind some branches. A figure quickly and silently slips in front of the camera. Buffy thinks she heard something and raises her stake. Again a figure dashes by, and this time Buffy sees it. She runs after it through the bushes. Suddenly she stops in her tracks when she sees it come straight for her. She stares in disbelief as the man rushes her and knocks her down as he runs by. Buffy steadies herself on the ground and looks up as he goes. He stops and looks back at her. It's Angel, and he growls and snarls at her. There is blood around his mouth, but he has on his human face, not his vampire's. She can only stare at him in complete surprise. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ In the woods. Angel continues to growl at Buffy. He charges her as she gets up. She grabs him and throws him to the ground, but also falls under his weight. Angel rolls to a stop and crawls quickly back to her before she can get back up. He lunges at her, and she uses his momentum to flip him over herself and onto his back. She rises to one knee and punches him as he tries to regain his footing. He takes the blow in the head, but just spins around and delivers a solid backhand punch to her face, making her fall onto her back. Angel jumps on her again, but she uses her leverage to send him onto his back once again. He twists his body, reaches over and punches her in the gut. She quickly rolls away and gets to a standing position. She does a full spinning low hook kick, hitting him in the head as he tries to stand. He slumps down on all fours, and as he looks up at her she punches him solidly in the face, making him slump to the ground, badly beaten. After a few breaths he loses consciousness, and his body relaxes. Buffy breathes hard as she looks down at him, still not believing what she sees. Cut to the morgue. A flashlight shines into a room where several bodies are lying on gurneys. Cut to an adjacent room. Willow comes in and shines her flashlight on the closed body drawers along a wall. She finds the one she wants and opens it. She pulls out the drawer and lifts the plastic sheet away from Jeff Orkin's face. She sets her metal Scooby-Doo lunch box on his chest and opens it. Behind her Xander approaches. She pulls out a plastic bag and a pair of tweezers. When Xander reaches her he takes one look at the body and nearly vomits. Xander: Oh, God. He bends over, holding his mouth, trying to hold it back. Willow just hands him the flashlight. Willow: Here. Hold this. He doesn't hold it very steadily, and Willow tries to adjust his arm as she would an unruly desk lamp. She takes Jeff's hand and tries to get a look at his fingers. Suddenly Xander spins around and shines the flashlight into Cordelia's face. Xander: Aah! Cordelia: God! Willow just reaches for Xander's hand again and pulls it around to shine the light where she needs it. It's not working out very well. Xander: (to Cordelia) We're doing crime here. You don't sneak up during crime. He finally gives Willow his attention again and holds the light steady. Cordelia: God, have a... (gets a look at Jeff's mauled body) Okay! (covers her face) Scarred for life! Oh, God! Willow just calmly goes about getting some samples from under Jeff's fingernails. Cordelia: Willow, how can you stand it? Xander: Yeah, Will. I mean, this guy *is* pretty barf-worthy. Can't we be elsewhere? Like, you know, is Oz cleared or what, huh? She's finished with Jeff's hand and puts it back under the plastic. She moves the flashlight in Xander's hand around and inspects the rest of the body. Willow: I'm not sure. I mean, there are a lot of incised wounds, but they could be from anything. Cordelia: Anything with big, sharp teeth and vicious... Xander: (interrupts) Do you wanna go back to the car and wait? Willow starts to pick at Jeff's chest with the tweezers. Cordelia: (stares, taken aback) No. God. I'm just saying... Willow: Almost done. Lemme just get a few stray hairs from the body. They could be from the attacker. Cordelia holds her nose against the stench. Xander: Great. So we got everything we need? Willow: Yep. That's it. She drops the tweezers and faints d*ad away, falling back into Xander. He quickly gets an arm under her as she goes down, and they all sink to the floor. Cordelia: Oh! Xander: Okay. Uh... little too much excitement for the Wilster here. He steadies Willow's head against his chest so it doesn't flop around. Xander: Doesn't look good for Oz, does it? Cordelia: It really doesn't. (they look up at Jeff) This guy was ripped apart by a big wild animal. Cut to the mansion. Buffy finds Drusilla's trunk and knocks Miss Edith and the other dolls from it. She throws open the lid and dumps the contents out onto the floor. There she finds a heavy chain and shackles. Back in the main room she throws one end over an iron bracket holding up the high marble fireplace mantel and locks the shackles on Angel's wrists. She steps back as he lies unconscious on the floor, with one arm held high by the chain. He wakes up and gets to his knees. Suddenly he lashes out at her, but she jumps back in time and he misses. He leans against his bonds and growls at Buffy, then crouches down and cowers like a trapped animal. She walks around him in a wide arc and stops when she notices the place where he fell from the dimensional portal. There is a silhouette of him on the floor surrounded by scorch marks from the intense light. Angel continues to growl and struggle with the chain. Buffy cringes to see him like this. She kneels down by the silhouette for a closer look. Angel makes another attempt to grab her, and she jerks back, but he's too far away to do any harm. She looks back down at the scorch marks and winces at the sound of Angel struggling behind her. He soon stops and slumps to the floor with one arm raised high by the chain. Cut to the library. Werewolf Oz growls in his cage. Faith is oblivious as she moves around to the sounds of Mark Ferrari on her portable CD player. Buffy comes in behind her and taps her on the shoulder. Instinctively Faith spins around and lands a swinging backhand punch to Buffy's face. Buffy: Oh! She stumbles backward and steadies herself against the portable card catalog. Faith: Oh! Uh, Buffy! Are you okay? What are you doing here? Buffy: (holds her jaw) Uh, bleeding internally, but I'll live. Faith: God, I'm sorry. (shrugs with the CD player) I guess I didn't hear you. Buffy: Figured as much. Ow. Again. (takes a breath and arches her back) Uh... Actually, I-I-I came to give you the rest of the night off. Faith: Get out of jail free, huh? How come? Buffy: (shrugs) Couldn't sleep. (takes off her jacket) Figured I'd, uh, cram for my French test. Faith: That's cool. I was going kinda crazy in here, but I can get in a few stakings before sunrise. She heads for the door, handing Buffy the keys to the cage on the way. Buffy follows her with her gaze. Buffy: Knock yourself out. Not literally, though. Faith: Yeah. Later. The door can be heard closing behind her. Buffy looks at Oz for a moment, then turns her attention to the card catalog. She sets the keys on it, pulls out the first drawer and begins to search through them. Cut to morning. Sunlight pours in through the cage window and down on Oz lying there naked. The camera pans up to Giles arriving with a cup of coffee in his hand. He looks down at Oz to make sure he's not a wolf, unlocks the door and pulls it slightly open. He takes a sip from his cup and heads over to where he sees Buffy in the stacks curled up and asleep in a chair with a book on her lap and a drawer from the card catalog next to her on a stepstool. Other books are lying on the floor around her. He quietly takes the steps to the upper level and reaches down for one of the books. As he does so Buffy stirs from her slumber and looks up at him. Buffy: Hey. Giles: Hmm. Hello. (sips his coffee) Buffy quickly realizes what it must look like, her surrounded by all these books, and tries to play it off. Buffy: Oh. Boy. (stands up) Faith and her nutty books. Giles: (reads some book titles) 'Exploring Demon Dimensions' and 'Mystery of Acathla'. Buffy: Yeah! And she still listens to heavy metal. (walks toward the stairs) Freaky deaky. Giles: Buffy... She realizes that he hasn't bought it and leans against the railing. He gives her his attention and slowly comes over to her as she speaks. Buffy: What if... I told you that... I had a dream about Angel... and, um... it brought up some questions? Giles: I'd say it was to be expected. Must have been some dream. I didn't think you knew what a card index was for. (sips his coffee) Buffy: I dreamt that he came back. She sits down on the steps. Giles comes down to sit with her. Giles: Of course. After Jenny was k*lled, (sets the cup aside) I had dreams that she was s-still alive, that I saved her. Buffy: This was vivid. Really vivid. Three-dimensional, sensurround, the hills are alive... She stops when she realizes her use of Jenny's metaphor. Giles takes off his glasses and considers for a moment. Giles: Do you believe it was a prophecy? Buffy: No. I-I don't know. I... (inhales deeply) I guess it just... it made me wonder. Giles looks away in thought. Buffy: Is there a chance even? Could it happen? Giles: Well, there's no record of anyone returning from a demon dimension once the... gate was closed. I-I-I can't imagine how it could happen or-or why. Buffy: Let's just pretend for a second that... Angel somehow found his way back to Sunnydale. What would he be like? Giles: I really can't say. From what is known about that dimension, i- it would suggest a world of... brutal torment. And time moves quite differently there, so... Buffy: I remember. So he would've been down there for hundreds of years. Giles: Yes. (looks up at her) Buffy: Of t*rture. Giles: It would take someone of extraordinary... will and character to survive that and, uh, retain any semblance of self. (swallows hard) Most likely, he'd be, be a monster. Buffy: (hopelessly) A lost cause. Giles: Maybe. Maybe not. In my experience, there are... two types of monster. The first, uh, can be redeemed, or more importantly, wants to be redeemed. Buffy: And the second type? Giles: The second is void of humanity, cannot respond to reason... or love. Willow shows up unexpectedly, bringing a box of donuts with her. Willow: I thought Faith was on duty. Buffy: Oh, hey. Change of plans. (comes down to her) Willow: Glazed or cake? (smiles) It's fun to watch them make them. (gestures) They use this spritzy thing, and they drop the batter into this... Buffy: Couldn't sleep, huh? Willow: (sighs) I've been at Mister Donut since the TV did that snowy thing. Behind her Oz has dressed and comes out of the cage. Willow: How come *you're* the Wakey Girl? I mean, this time, it's not your boyfriend who's the cold-blooded... She notices Buffy look behind her with wide eyes. Oz slips on his outer shirt and comes up next to her. Willow: Jelly doughnut? (offers the box) Oz: (ignores the donuts) Everything all right? Buffy: Yeah. Uh, what happened with the inspection of the body? Willow: (smiles, avoiding the issue) Anyone? They're yummy delicious! Buffy: Willow, come on. Was it werewolf? Willow sets the box down on the table. Her expression shows that she's not overly anxious to say. Buffy: Was it a vampire? Willow: I-it wasn't conclusive. Buffy: How could it not be conclusive? What did it look like? Was he bit? Giles: Let her finish, Buffy. Buffy: (looks back at him) No, it's just... She realizes the sensitivity of the issue with Oz standing right there. Buffy: I'm sorry. She sits down. Giles just calmly waits for Willow to finish her report. Cut to the cafeteria. Buffy has a plate of various flavors of Jell-O, and looks for a place to sit. Scott waves to her. Scott: Buffy. Over here. She comes over to him sitting with Debbie and Pete, and sets down her plate. Buffy: Hey. Scott sees what's on her plate. Scott: Hey. Uh... I can't, I can't back you on that lunch. Nutritional demerits. Buffy: Oh. My stomach doesn't want hard food today. (points at the green Jell-O) But there's fruit in it. Scott: (whispers) Those are marshmallows. Buffy: (looks at it) Oh. Debbie and Pete give her curious looks. Buffy sighs. Buffy: I'm... I'm really out of it today. I didn't sleep well last night. Debbie: Just don't tell Mr. Platt you have insomnia. He'll make you start a dream journal. Pete: Oh, what's that, like, a Barbie thing? Dear Dream Journal, how come Ken hasn't come around since he got that earring? Debbie: (giggles) I never did it. He's a quack. Buffy: I kinda liked him. Debbie: Really? I guess, I guess he's kinda funny and stuff. It's just... sometimes I just don't like the things he says. Buffy: Oh, he definitely... marches to the b*at of his own drummer. A- actually, I think he makes his own drums. Scott: Well, my mom says that therapy can be completely helpful. Pete: Yeah, but your mom has the wattage of a Zippo lighter, Scott. Debbie can't resist a giggle. Scott: (to Buffy) I hope you realize I don't actually know these people. I just... I thought you would like me better if I had friends, so I hired them. Buffy gives him a weak smile. He turns to face her completely. Scott: So... I, uh, I wanted to tell you that you look great today. But now I wanna raise that to amazing because you didn't sleep well. Buffy: Uh... (smiles) That's really sweet. Um... And I-I wish I didn't have to, (stands up) but I just remembered that I do, so, uh, I'll see you later. She pats him on the shoulder as she walks around him on the way out, leaving her Jell-O behind. Scott: Uh, yeah. Debbie and Pete follow her briefly with their gazes. Pete: Check out Scotty liking the manic-depressive chick. Scott isn't too pleased with that comment. Cut to the hall. Buffy comes out of the cafeteria and pauses for a moment to reflect on Pete's comment before continuing down the hall. Cut to the mansion. Buffy comes in through the heavy drapes hanging across the side entrance. Angel crouches against the wall, whimpering. Buffy stops at the wall opposite him and looks at him suffering. Slowly she comes toward him. Angel just remains hunched over in his crouch, not looking up or giving any indication that he knows she's there. Buffy: Angel? He doesn't seem to hear her. Buffy: Do you understand me? Still nothing from him. She comes even closer. The tattoo on his back beckons to her. Slowly she reaches out and touches him lightly on the shoulder. He suddenly and very violently lashes out at her and roars. She instantly takes several steps backward away from him. He goes back to his pathetic whimpering. Buffy looks at him, terribly hurt, and rushes from the mansion. Angel growls deeply at her. Above him the mantel bracket begins to loosen. Dust falls from the stone as he pulls against the chain. Cut to the school. Cut to Pete and Debbie walking along a back hall. Pete: Debbie, come on. Just for a minute. He takes both of her hands and tries to nudge her against the wall, but she evades him and pulls away. Debbie: No, I can't. I have to meet a friend. He pulls her back to him by both wrists. Pete: So you'll be late but happy. He kisses her and reaches behind him with one hand to open a door. He backs into the dark supply room pulling her in with him. Debbie giggles, and once inside he pulls her close and they embrace and kiss passionately. Pete breaks off the kiss and backs away toward a shelf. Debbie: No, no. Let's stay here. Pete: Relax, Debbie. What's wrong with you today? He takes her in his arms again and kisses her some more. After a moment he notices an empty jar on the shelf. All that's left in it is the last few drops of a green fluorescent fluid. Pete: What is that? She turns his face to hers and tries to kiss him again. Debbie: (giggles) Nothing. Kiss me. (kisses him) Pete: No. Debbie, you did not drink that, did you? Debbie: (looks at the jar) Drink it? (giggles) You know I didn't. Pete: (looks intensely at her) Debbie, what's going on? Her giddiness fades, and she looks back nervously. Cut to Mr. Platt's office. Buffy opens the door, comes in and closes it behind her. She finds him turned away again, looking out of the window, his signature cigarette smoldering between his fingers. Buffy: Two o'clock. Buffy Summers, right? She fears he'll turn around again and, although he can't see her, she extends her arm in a gesture to stop him. Buffy: Wait. Don't turn around. (realizes her useless gesture) Okay? And don't say anything. (clutches her jacket) Just listen. (begins to pace and breathe nervously) I mean, that's, that's your thing, right? She stops pacing and stands behind a chair, shifting her weight from leg to leg and fidgeting with her jacket against the chair's backrest. Buffy: There's something going on. (her voice shakes) I mean, th-this whole entire story is probably gonna convince you that I'm loony-bin material, but... (shrugs) there's nobody else that I can talk to. (inhales nervously) Not Willow and... not Giles. Nobody. (starts to pace again) If they, if they found out, they'd freak on me or they'd do something, and... (stops and faces him) I need help. I just, I need to talk to someone. (takes a few breaths) I'm so scared. (sheds a tear) It's this guy. (steps up to the desk) H-h-he... She notices his cigarette now. It's b*rned completely down to the filter, not once having had the ashes tapped off. She realizes that something is very wrong. Buffy: He's come back. The camera pans over from her to Mr. Platt, sitting d*ad in his chair. His face and chest have been severely mauled. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The supply room. Pete is seething with anger. He goes over to the empty bottle and picks it up. Pete: So the bottle just (faces Debbie) jumped out of the cabinet and spilled on its own. Debbie: (shakes her head) Of course not. I-I was trying to get rid of it. Pete: You were trying to get rid of it? Debbie: To help you. You know how you get. Pete: (exhales) You think this has (clenches his fist) *anything* to do with how I get? Debbie: Well, when you drink it... Pete: When I drink it, nothing, Debbie. Nothing! (Debbie flinches) I don't need this anymore, okay? I am way, *way* past that now. He slams the bottle back onto the shelf. Pete: You see? He takes another bottle down and throws it to the floor, breaking it. Pete: You see?! (breaks another) No more. (breaks a third) You could pour out everything I made, and it wouldn't help. And you wanna know why? He grabs her by the arms. She whimpers in fright. Pete: You wanna know why?! Because all it takes now is you, Debbie. (grits his teeth) You and your STUPID, GRATING VOICE! His neck muscles suddenly become tense, and he yells out in pain. He grunts as his head jerks back and forth, and the skin on his face and neck begins to thicken, and the veins bulge out. He screams as his head whips around violently. Debbie watches in terror. With a final scream his transformation to his alter ego is complete. His face is mottled and grotesquely misshapen. Debbie is too frightened to even breathe. Pete shakes her by the arms. Pete: (angrily) *You're* the reason I started the formulas in the first place: to be the man you wanted! And you pay me back how? (Debbie sobs in fear) By whoring around with other guys and taunting me! Debbie: No! I don't! I don't even look! Pete backhand punches her in the face and shoves her to the floor. She gets to her hands and knees and crawls around to face him. Slowly she stands back up. Pete: Is that something your shrink taught you, Debbie? Huh? Huh? To share? (approaches her) To communicate? To piss me off?! He swings another backhand punch at her, and she falls to the floor again. This time she stays down and cowers. Pete: Well, guess what? Even *he's* not going to listen to your pathetic ramblings anymore. (she looks up at him frightened) I'm all you've got now, Debbie! Do you hear me? (points at her) I AM ALL YOU'VE GOT! She looks up at him, very afraid, and pushes herself up against a crate. Pete suddenly realizes what he's doing, and calms down a bit. He looks down at his gnarled hands, then back at Debbie. Pete: Oh, my God. He has calmed enough now that he changes back to his regular self. He sees her sobbing, and looks at her remorsefully. He quickly gets down and kneels by her. Pete: (whispering) Hey, Debbie. (she turns away) Hey, listen. (quietly) You know you shouldn't make me mad. Huh? You know what happens. He takes her head in his hands and turns her to face him. Pete: Debbie, please. Are you all right? He kisses her forehead. She responds and puts her arms around his head. She strokes his hair as they hold each other tightly. Debbie: It's okay. She keeps petting him gently, her own breathing becoming calmer. Debbie: It's okay. Cut to the library. Giles paces and talks while Buffy, Faith and Willow listen. Giles: This creature is especially brutal. I believe the phrase coined by the coroner when describing Mr. Platt was 'pureed'. But he did confirm that Platt was k*lled shortly before Buffy found him. Faith: Which means that he was k*lled during the day. Willow: (elated) Yes! (raises her fist) They all give her looks. Willow: Sorry. I got... (lowers her hand) I've just been... it's horrible, horrible. (swallows) Buffy: It's okay, Will. We're all glad Oz is off the hook. Giles: Indeed. (checks his watch) Shouldn't he be here by now? The sun sets at 5:30. Cut to the quad. Oz looks around one last time and starts to head for the library. Just then Debbie comes running. Debbie: Sorry I'm late. (smiles) Did you bring the notes? Oz: (notices her black eye) Yeah. Um... You okay? (hands her the notes) Debbie: What? Oh, yeah! (laughs) I'm such a klutz! I, um, oh... Oz: Fell down? h*t your... eye? Pete watches them from around a corner. Debbie: Doorknob. (laughs) Um... Thanks. (starts to go) Oz: (stops her with his hand) Hey, um... (concerned) If you wanna talk... Debbie: (shakes her head and smiles) Thanks again for the notes. (leaves) Oz: Yeah... He looks up at the sky again and quickly heads for the library. Pete turns around and stalks off. Cut to the library. Giles: Our task now is to determine what sort of k*ller we *are* dealing with. Clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal. Oz: (comes in) Present. Willow smiles, jumps up and goes over to him, pushing Giles aside in her eagerness to reach him. Oz: Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable. Willow: (touches him with both hands, smiling) But you aren't! I-i- it's-it's a k*ll-in-the-day monster! A hundred percent for sure. Oz: (very relieved) Okay. (smiles) Willow puts her arm around him and faces the group along with him, smiling. Giles: Uh, I wish we had time to celebrate properly. However, we have two victims: Jeff Orkin and, uh, now Platt. Uh, maybe there's something they had in common. Faith: Missing internal organs. Giles: Besides that. Oz: Debbie. (Giles looks at him) Well, victim number one, Jeff. He was in jazz band with us. They used to horse around. Faith: They were screwing? They all give her a look. Oz: I don't think so, but he hid her music comp book once. Buffy: And we know that Debbie knew Platt. I mean, she was seeing him and way vocal about not having love for the guy. Oz: Add this and stir. I just saw Debbie a minute ago sporting a nasty black eye. Willow: Okay, so pretend Debbie wanted Platt d*ad. Maybe he fought back. Buffy: (shakes her head) No. Platt was d*ad in an instant. (exhales) He didn't even drop his cigarette. (has a thought) Now, what if boyfriend Pete's the one doling out the punishment? Giles: We should find them both immediately. He and Buffy grab their coats. Oz: Well, Debbie was in the quad a minute ago. Giles: All right. We'll split up. Um, Faith, you and I team. Willow, stick with Buffy. Willow gives Oz a saddened look and follows the others out. Oz: And I'll... go lock myself in the cage. Cut to the girls' locker room. Debbie is trying to hide her black eye with makeup. The door opens behind her, and Buffy and Willow enter. Debbie just keeps on applying makeup. Buffy: It's tricky, covering a fresh shiner like that. You know what works? Debbie: What? (puts away her makeup) Buffy: Don't get h*t. She walks up to Debbie at the mirror. Buffy: What's going on, Debbie? I'll bet the farm you know. Debbie: (shakes her head) You're wrong. I don't know anything. Buffy: Normally, I'd say, you wanna play 'I have a secret'? Fine. But people are dying here. Debbie looks at her and Willow. Debbie: It... it's not his fault. I mean, he's not himself when he gets like this. Buffy: You mean Pete. Debbie: (upset) It's me. I make him crazy. He-he just does what he does because he loves me too much. Willow: But weren't Mr. Platt and Jeff m*rder by an animal? Buffy: Pete's not like other guys, is he, Debbie? Debbie realizes they know more than they are letting on. Debbie: I-I've gotta go. She grabs her purse and starts to leave. Buffy takes her by the arm and stops her. Buffy: You have to talk to us. (Debbie shakes her head) We can't help you until you do. Debbie: I didn't ask for your help! Willow: Well, when are you going to? I mean, if Pete kills you, it'll pretty much be too late. Buffy: Debbie, we're running out of time. Cut to the mansion. Angel struggles with the chain. He yanks at it with all of his weight. The bracket pulls free of the wall and crashes to the floor. Angel falls roughly onto his hands and knees. He quickly gets up, pulls the chain free of the bracket and runs out of the mansion. Cut to the locker room. Buffy: Where can we find him? Debbie: I-I don't know. Buffy: You're lying. Debbie: What if I am? What are you gonna do about it? Willow: Wrong question. Buffy takes her by the arm again and pushes her up against the sink in front of the mirror. Buffy: Look at yourself. Why are you protecting him? Anybody who really loved you couldn't do this to you. She takes a few steps away. Debbie turns around to face them. Debbie: Would they take him someplace? Buffy: Probably. Debbie: (shakes her head, sobbing) I could never do that to him. (Willow sighs) I'm his everything. Buffy: (disgusted) Great. So what, you two live out your Grimm fairy tale? Two people are d*ad. Debbie just shakes her head and says nothing. Buffy: Who's gonna be next? Cut to the library. Oz is alone in the cage, pacing, waiting to change. The door opens, and Pete comes in and goes right up to the cage. Pete: (angry) Since when do you touch my girl? (grabs the cage) Oz: Hey, Pete. This is kind of a bad time. Pete: Well, I guess you didn't think about that when you put the moves on Debbie! (rattles the door) Oz glances up at the window to see if the sun has set yet. Oz: We talked, yeah, but it was move-free. Pete rattles the cage hard. Oz: About this cage? When that sun sets... Pete: (whispers thr*at) You won't be alive to see it! He rattles the cage again and steps back from it, seething with anger. Oz: I'm serious. Something's gonna happen that you... probably won't believe. Pete screams as his head whips around and he transforms into his alter ego again. He looks at Oz with m*rder in his eyes when the change is complete. Oz is amazed, and takes a step backward. Oz: Or you might. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Pete lunges at the cage and grabs the door. He yanks at it a few times, and it suddenly breaks free. He throws it aside and roars at Oz. He runs into the cage, grabs Oz and throws him out the door and to the floor. Cut to the girls' locker room. Debbie is sitting on a changing bench, hugging herself and looking off into space, chanting repeatedly. Debbie: He does love me. He does love me. Buffy: This is useless. (exhales) We have to go. I have to find Pete. Debbie: He does love me. Willow tries to get Debbie to stand up and go with her. Willow: Come on. Debbie: (resists) He does love me. Willow: I think we broke her. Debbie: He does love me. He does love me. Buffy: (stops at the door) I think she was broken before this. (leaves) Cut to the library. Pete heaves Oz up over his head and down onto the table. It smashes under the strain of the impact, and Pete falls on top of Oz because he didn't think to let go of him. He scrambles to his feet, pulls Oz up and punches him hard in the face. He grabs Oz by the shoulders and shakes him hard. Pete: (very angrily) Did you kiss that whore? Huh? Did she like it? He heaves Oz overhead again and onto the stairs. Oz slides down them and turns around at the base. Pete att*cks him, but Oz gets his leg up in time to stop him, and push kicks him off. Pete goes sliding across the floor. Oz looks through one of the arched windows at the sky as he gets up and sees that the sun has set. He looks over at Pete, who is just now recovering from his fall. Oz: Time's up. Rules change. Oz morphs into a werewolf and growls, baring his teeth at Pete. He leaps onto Pete, and they start to wrestle on the floor. Oz tries to bite Pete, but can't, so he kicks him away. Pete scrambles to his feet and backhand punches Oz as he att*cks again. Oz isn't fazed, and he leaps onto Pete again, and they crash into the stairs. This time Oz has Pete's arm, and he bites hard, making Pete scream out in agony. Cut to the halls, Buffy, Debbie and Willow hear the scream and begin running to the library. Giles and Faith come running also from another hall. Giles: What was that? Cut to the library. They all come barging in. Giles looks at the cage and sees it open. Then he sees the two of them fighting on the stairs. Oz has his jaw clamped hard on Pete's arm, and Pete repeatedly punches him in the gut. Giles: Get the dart g*n! Buffy reaches behind the counter and grabs the dart r*fle. Buffy: Got it! She cocks it and takes aim past Giles. Debbie shoves Buffy aside to protect her boyfriend. Debbie: Pete, watch out! The g*n goes off, and the dart hits Giles in the hip. Giles: Ow! Pete finally manages to flip Oz over onto the floor and get free of his jaws. Buffy can't believe she sh*t Giles. Buffy: Oh! Sorry! Giles: Oh, right. Bloody priceless. The drug takes effect quickly, and Giles staggers and falls to the floor, pushing a table into Oz as he tries to get away. Oz runs through the door to behind the counter, leaps over it and runs out of the library. Buffy tries to take aim but can't get a clear sh*t. Buffy tosses the r*fle to Faith. Buffy: You get the wolf! Faith: Got it! She runs out of the library with Willow close behind. Debbie turns and runs up the left-hand set of stairs to escape out through the stacks. Buffy runs toward Pete on the right-hand set of stairs. She stops halfway up to deliver a roundhouse kick to his head. He stumbles up the stairs and onto the upper lever floor. Buffy pursues him as he gets to his feet. She punches him with a right followed by a left. He staggers over to the side of a bookcase, grabs it and shoves it over onto her. It lands on top of her with a loud thud, dumping its contents all around her. Pete roars and runs from the library. Cut to the halls. Pete comes running through a set of doors and clutches at his wounded arm. He looks back, expecting pursuers, then looks around frantically for an escape route. He runs around a corner just as Buffy comes running through the doors also. Cut to another part of the halls. Pete comes running around another corner and stops, again looking for a way out. He spots a high window above a bank of lockers down an adjacent hall, leaps on top of them, pushes the window open and crawls through, leaving streaks of blood from his wound on the wall. Buffy reaches the hall intersection and doesn't see him in any direction. Cut to elsewhere in the halls. Werewolf Oz comes bounding around a corner and runs down the hall past the camera. Faith and Willow are right behind him in hot pursuit. Cut to the supply room. Debbie is sitting on the floor leaning against a crate, waiting for Pete to show up. He comes in the door, and she jumps up and runs over to him. Debbie: Pete! You're all right! God, you're all right. She throws her arms around him and hugs him close, but he doesn't hug her back. Debbie: She almost sh*t you. Did you see? I stopped her. She lets go of her hug and looks at him. Debbie: You have to leave, get out of Sunnydale. She knows. Pete: How did she know, Debbie? Did you run your big mouth? Debbie: (frightened) No! She just knew. It seemed like she just knew. Pete: So you filled in the blanks! He shoves her to the floor. Debbie: (screams) NO! (looks up at him) No! Pete: But what did I expect from a screw-up like you? Debbie: (Shakes her head) I-I didn't... Pete... Pete: You're nothing but a waste of space. He moves to grab her. Debbie: No! Cut to the halls. Buffy looks up and sees the blood streaks around the high window. Cut to the stairs by the lounge. Oz comes leaping down and stops by the vending machine. Faith rushes down after him. He jumps on her, and she drops the g*n as she's pulled down to the floor. Behind her Willow screams. Cut outside. Buffy crawls out through the window onto a roof. She steps to the edge, looks down and jumps. She looks around, and behind her through another window notices a lamp swinging from the ceiling. She rushes over to the door and forces it open. Inside it seems quiet. She looks around and soon finds Debbie lying d*ad on the floor behind a rack. Buffy: Oh, God. She bends down to check her pulse. Pete grunts and grabs her from behind. He throws her against some crates, and she hits the floor, dazed. Pete smiles as he comes for her. Cut to the lounge. Faith struggles to keep Oz at bay and not get bitten. The r*fle is under her legs, and she can't see it. Faith: Where's the g*n? (screams) WHERE'S THE g*n?! Willow gets behind Oz and yanks his tail. Willow: Get off her! She starts to run down the hall. Oz releases Faith and starts to run after her. Willow: Get the g*n! Get the g*n! Faith scrambles to her feet with the r*fle. Willow: Hurry! Faith takes aim and sh**t, hitting Oz in the butt. He yelps and whimpers for a moment, then falls unconscious. Cut to the supply room. Pete grabs Buffy by the arm and backhand punches her. Pete: All the same! (punches again) You're all the same! He backhand punches a third time, and she falls from his grip. As he advances on her, she push kicks him off and away from her into a stack of crates. Behind her the door opens, and she looks back to see Angel standing there in his game face. He roars deeply and att*cks Pete. Pete comes to meet him. Angel swings his chains at him and gets him in the face. He swings the chains the other way and gets Pete in the face again. Pete lunges at Angel and bends him backward over a crate with his hands around Angel's throat. Buffy stands up and steps back, watching them fight. Pete pulls Angel up from the crate and throws him to the floor. Then he turns his attention back on Buffy and starts to advance on her. Behind him Angel gets up and comes at him, wrapping the chains around his neck. He lifts Pete over his back and slams him down on the floor. Angel pulls at the chain, choking Pete. Buffy winces when she sees. Angel gives Pete's neck a twist and breaks it. He lets go, and Pete falls d*ad to the floor. Angel looks down at his k*ll, and begins to calm down. Pete has changed back to his normal state. Angel breathes heavily as he looks up and over at Buffy. They just stare at each other for a moment while Angel catches his breath. He slowly starts to go to her, and changes to his human face. He stops in front of her. She looks up at him, not knowing what to expect. After a long and intense look he finally speaks. Angel: Buffy? He falls to his knees and holds her tightly. Buffy is surprised by this turn of events and isn't sure what to do. Angel just keeps holding her even tighter and starts to sob into her jacket. Angel: Buffy... She finally seems to accept that he's back and sheds a few tears. Her head and heart are too heavy with thoughts and emotions for her to speak. The camera cuts to a sh*t of them from a distance, with Pete lying to one side and Debbie in the foreground. Cut to the quad the next day. The group comes walking along the colonnade. Willow and Oz hold hands as do Xander and Cordelia. Willow: It's all over school, what happened with Debbie and Pete. Except for the Pete-was-a-monster part. Oz: Yeah. A freshman told me that Pete had eight iced cafe' mochas and just lost it. Buffy: That's better than the estrogen theory. I heard he took all of his mother's birth control pills. Cordelia: He didn't? (to Xander) Pete was a monster? (Xander nods) Where have I been? Xander: In your special place, Cor, which is why I adore you. Cordelia: So, what's the true story? What happened? Willow: Well, we got ahold of, uh, Pete's lab books and stuff, and Mr. Science was doing a Jekyll/Hyde deal. He was afraid Debbie was gonna leave him, so he mixed this potion to become super mas macho. Buffy: The only thing was, after a while, he didn't need the potion to turn into a bad guy. He did it just fine on his own. Cordelia: So it was like a real k*lling. He wasn't under the influence of anything? Buffy: Just himself. She sees Scott sitting by himself. Buffy: Uh... (to the group) I'll see you guys later. (walks off) Cordelia: Great. Now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day. Xander raises his eyebrows at Willow, and follows Cordelia. Willow and Oz stay to see how it goes between Buffy and Scott. Cut to Scott. Buffy walks up and sits down next to him. Buffy: I don't know what to say that's (inhales) not gonna sound stupid or obvious. Scott: I've been friends with them both since before we started school. Buffy: Is there anything I can do? He looks at her for a long moment. Scott: Thanks. I'm gonna be okay. It's just that you never really know what's going on inside somebody. Do you? I mean, you think... if you care about them... But you never really do. Cut to the woods at night. The camera moves among the trees and bushes, low to the ground in slow motion. Buffy narrates again from 'Call of the Wild'. Buffy: 'Night came on, and a full moon rose high over the trees...' Cut to the mansion. Buffy watches as Angel lies asleep on the floor. Buffy: '...lighting the land till it lay bathed in ghostly day. And the strain of the primitive remained alive and active.' Cut to her. The camera closes in on her. Buffy: 'Faithfulness and devotion, things born of f*re and roof were his...' Cut to Angel. He moves slightly, and his face contorts in anguish and pain as he dreams. Buffy: '...yet he retained his wildness and wiliness.' Cut to Buffy. She is sitting on the floor leaning against the wall, watching him sleep and contemplating her life. Buffy: 'And from the depths of the forest, a call still sounded.'

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x04 - Beauty and the Beasts"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. Buffy, Willow and Oz are sitting at a bar, nursing sodas and snacks. Buffy seems preoccupied as she idly plays with a cookie. Cordelia and Xander walk behind them and take a place at the end of the bar. Cordelia: I think we should get a limo. Xander: A limo? Cordelia: Yeah! Xander: A big, expensive limo? Willow: That sounds like fun! And it is our last Homecoming Dance, so maybe we should make a big deal of it. Xander: You wanna talk fun? Public bus. You meet the funnest people. Cordelia gives the others a disbelieving look. Xander: Back me up here, Oz. Oz: Well, if it's a dollar issue, we could all take my van. Cordelia: Van? The Homecoming Queen doesn't go to the dance in a van. Use your head. Willow rolls her eyes. Xander: (to Cordelia) Well, technically, you haven't been elected yet... (gets a look from her) Although you certainly and without a doubt will be. (to the others) Who else likes a limo? Willow: (smiles) A private limo! It, it is pretty... (nudges up to Oz) cuddlesome. (looks toward Buffy) And if we all split the cost... Buffy: (comes out of her reverie) Um... maybe. You know, if I go and all. Willow: Why wouldn't you go? You already have your tickets. (Scott approaches) I mean, unless you don't have a da... (notices Scott) ...ay o-or two to think about it. We should all think about it. She hopes she hasn't messed anything up for Buffy with Scott standing right there. Oz gives a little smirk behind her. Cordelia: (confused) What's going on here? Did Scott not ask her to the Homecoming Dance yet? Buffy: (embarrassed) Thanks, Cordelia. Humiliation's really good for my color. Scott: (unsure) Oh, um... well, no. I just... I assumed that you would think it was corny or something, but I-I'm in... I mean, you know, if you are, if you want to. Buffy: Uh, sure... I do. You know, i-if you want to. Scott: Well, I do if you want to. Willow smiles widely. Oz: (smiles) The judges will accept that as a 'yes'. Scott: (to Buffy) Do you want me to get you another drink? Buffy: Um... no, actually. Uh... I-I'm a little tired. I think I'm gonna call it a night. But I'm excited about the dance. (smiles) Scott: Me, too. Buffy leans toward him, tugs gently on his jacket and they kiss. Cut to Angel's mansion. Cut inside. There is a f*re going in the fireplace. Angel walks past it, and the camera follows him. He is shivering from the cold. He stops and paces back. He turns to go back again, but is startled by some rustling in the atrium. Slowly he walks to the doorway. He quickly whips the drapes aside, and there he finds Buffy, holding a small paper bag. He jumps back a little, startled. Buffy: I-it's just me. (holds out the bag) Here. Angel takes the bag and opens it as he walks back into the room. Buffy follows him in, but keeps her distance. Angel remains faced away from her. He pulls a quart-sized clear plastic container out of the bag. It's filled with blood. Angel lifts it to his nose and sniffs. Buffy: How are you feeling? Angel jerks his head away slightly from the tub of blood, then lowers it to take off the lid. Angel: It hurts... less. Buffy: Good. She is unsure how to continue. She turns around and takes a few steps away before facing him again. Buffy: I haven't... told Giles and the others that... you're back. Angel: (quietly) Giles... He remains faced away from her. Buffy: And I'm not going to. They wouldn't understand that you're... better. A-a-and I'm gonna keep helping you get better. It's just that everything's different now. I'm a senior. I'm really working harder in school. (smirks slightly) I'm even thinking about college. A-and I'm involved with someone. This causes Angel to turn around and give her a surprised look. Buffy startles and takes a step back. He reaches out and straightens the lapel of her leather jacket. Buffy takes it from him, and he lets go. He turns away again, wincing from his body aches as he does so. Buffy: His name is Scott. He's a nice, solid guy. He makes me happy... and that's what I need: someone I can count on. The camera suddenly pans quickly to the left, blurring the picture, and comes to a stop on Scott at an outside hall at school the next day. Scott: I don't think we should see each other anymore. Buffy: (taken aback) You don't? (confused) When did this happen? Where was I? Scott: Buffy, it's just... Before we were going out, you, you seemed so... full of life, like a force of nature. Now you just seem distracted all the time, and... Buffy: (interrupts) Yeah, I know, it's... I'm getting better. Honest. In fact, from here on, you are gonna see a drastic distraction reduction. Scott doesn't react at all to her attempt at a joke. Buffy: 'Drastic distraction reduction.' Try saying that ten times fast. Scott: I'm really sorry. He starts walking away sadly. Buffy just watches him go as the camera pulls back from her. Cut to a view of her through a pair of binoculars. She is still watching Scott walk away. Cut to a van with darkly tinted windows in a parking lot. The camera closes in on it. Cut inside the van. The man looking through the binoculars lowers them and stares intensely out of the window. Behind him another man steps around him, also looking out the window. The first man raises the binoculars back to his eyes, and the second man attaches a digital video feed to it. Behind them the binocular's view of Buffy appears on three small screens. The second man reaches over to a modem set up below the monitors. It is attached to a cell phone, which he opens, and he presses a button to establish a connection. The speed dial sends the tones out in a split second. Cut to a similar modem in a dark office. The tones and screeches of the connection protocol quickly establish a link. The camera pans up and back until we see an old man in a wheelchair roll up to the desk by the keyboard of the computer connected to the modem. He hits a few keys and looks up at the monitor. Boss: Is that her? Trick: (steps into view) In the nubile flesh, my friend. The camera shows a view of Buffy on the monitor as she walks slowly and sadly. Trick: That's the target. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale City Hall. Cut inside. Deputy Mayor Allan Finch is waiting nervously outside of Mayor Wilkins' office. Secretary: The Mayor will see you now. Allan takes a deep breath to compose himself, and heads for the Mayor's door. Cut inside the office. Allan opens the door and steps in holding a folder in his hand. He glances at the Mayor's desk, but doesn't see him there. He turns his head and sees him coming out of his private washroom. The Mayor's hands come into the camera's view as he vigorously dries them off. Allan: I'm sorry to bother you, sir. (closes the door behind him) Mayor Wilkins: I'm not bothered, Allan. (goes to his desk) Allan: (steps toward the desk) Well, I-I'm not sure how serious this is, but, uh, (opens the folder) they were spotted in town three days ago. (lays the open folder on the desk) I've just been informed. Frederick and Hans Gruenstahler, uh, (the Mayor picks up a copy of the Interpol warrant) wanted in Germany for capital m*rder, terrorism, uh, (the Mayor sniffs the paper) the b*mb of Flight 1402... Uh, I should have brought it to your attention sooner, but I'd, I'd wanted to... (flustered by the Mayor's sniffing) confirm... The Mayor takes another sniff. Mayor Wilkins: Would you show me your hands, please? Allan: (raises his eyebrows) Sir? Mayor Wilkins: (insistently) Your hands. He puts the warrant back down, pushes the file aside and indicates that Allan should put his hands on the desk. Allan holds out his hands and slowly leans over, placing them flat on the desk. The Mayor leans closer to inspect them. Allan nervously watches the Mayor, who draws a breath after looking them over. Mayor Wilkins: I think they could be cleaner. Allan: Of course, sir. I-I mean, I, I washed them, but... The Mayor leans back in his chair. Allan looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown. Mayor Wilkins: After every meal and under your fingernails. Dirt gets trapped there... and germs... and mayonnaise. My dear mother said, 'cleanliness is next to godliness', and I believed her. She never caught a cold. (laughs) I'd like these two (points at the warrant) to be put under surveillance, (Allan straightens back up) and I'd like to know if... any other colorful characters have come to town. Allan: I'll take care of it. (smiles weakly) Mayor Wilkins: You have all my faith. Allan takes a step back from the Mayor's desk and walks out just a bit creeped out. Cut to Sunnydale High. Cut to the lounge. Yearbook pictures are being taken. Cordelia gives the camera a glowing smile, and her picture is taken. Xander is up next, and he gives the camera a goofy, heavily dimpled smile as the flash goes off. Willow hops up on the stool and gives the camera a big grin. When the photographer doesn't immediately snap her picture, her expression becomes a bit concerned, and such will be her picture in the yearbook. Oz just stares blankly into the camera with a thin smile on his face. After their pictures are taken, Xander and Willow start to walk out of the lounge. Willow: You have to help me pick an outfit. I wanna wear something that makes Oz go, 'Oh.' (grins) Xander: No problem. I got the tux goin' on. I'm gonna look hot if it even remotely fits. They reach Cordelia, who is looking at the other girls that are running for Homecoming Queen. Xander: Whatcha doin'? Cordelia: (startles and faces him) Checking out the I-laughingly-use- the-phrase competition. She looks over at Holly, playing with her hair and talking to a couple of boys. Oz comes up behind Willow and gently puts his arm around her. Cordelia: Holly Charleston: nice girl, brain d*ad, doesn't have a prayer. She shifts her gaze to Michelle, who is handing out campaign flyers. Cordelia: Michelle Blake: open to all mankind, especially those with a letterman's jacket and a car. (looks at Xander, concerned) She could give me a run. (crosses her arms) Willow: Where's Buffy? (Oz looks around) She's gonna miss the yearbook pictures. Xander: Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all *sweaty*. Cordelia: (corrects him) They're training. Xander: (gives her a look) I stand by my phrase. Oz: I don't think she was here the day they announced them. Did anybody tell her? Cordelia: Oh, I'll tell her now. I have to go to the nurse's office for an ice pack anyway. Xander: (puts his hand on her arm) Did you hurt yourself? Cordelia: (smiles) No, silly. (nudges him) It shrinks the pores! (walks off) Oz gives Xander a look that oozes "duh". Cut to the library. Faith holds up her padded hands as Buffy throws several punches to them. After a particularly hard punch, Faith has to shake out her hand and take off the pads. Faith: Oh, man! Guys should break up with you more often. Buffy: Gee, thank you. (heads toward the book cage) Faith: (follows) No, I mean it. You really got some quality rage going. Really gives you an edge. (sets down the pads) Buffy: (picks up her jacket) Edge Girl. (pulls it on) Just what I always wanted to be. Faith: (wipes her cheek with a towel) Well, screw him, alright? You move on, and... you party heavily, and you'll be fine. I mean, you're still going to that dance, right? Buffy: (opens a juice bottle) Maybe. (takes a swallow) Faith: You got the tix already. Why don't we go together? Buffy: (closes the bottle) I don't know about that. (smiles) Faith: Come on. We'll find a couple studs, we'll use 'em and... discard 'em. That's always fun. (nods and takes a swig of her own drink) Buffy: Okay, I'm in. Not the stud-using part, though. (smirks and rolls her eyes) Or... probably not. Cut to the hall. Cordelia looks into the library through the round door windows, and sees the two Slayers talking. She pushes the door open and is about to go in when she notices two boys walk by. She slips back into the hall and rushes to catch up with them. Cordelia: Uh, Bobby! Mashad! (smiles and giggles) You don't phone, you don't write... (makes eyes at them) Where's the love? Cut to the quad. A teacher comes down the stairs while looking over some reports. When she reaches the bottom, Buffy notices her and runs up to her. Buffy: Ms. Moran? (the teacher looks up) Hi! (smiles) I'm so glad that I ran into you. (they walk slowly) Um, I had this little incident last year of getting kicked out of school. And I'm back now, though, I've done all of my makeup tests, but I still need one written recommendation from a teacher. I think the word that Principal Snyder used was 'glowing'. (smiles awkwardly) Uh, to put in my file so I can prove that I belong here. Ms. Moran: (confused) And, um, you are...? Buffy: (taken aback) Buffy. B-Buffy Summers. (Ms. Moran tries to remember) Third row. I sat by the window. Uh, your class: Contemporary American Heroes from Amelia Earhart to Maya Angelou. The class that changed my life? Ms. Moran: Were you absent a lot, um... Buffy: Buffy? Cut to the cafeteria. Willow, Oz, Buffy and Xander are sitting at a table. Buffy just stares off into space while the others pick at their food. Cordelia walks into view holding out a flyer and touches a student on the arm. Cordelia: Hi. I hope you'll consider me for Homecoming Queen. She walks off, and the camera focuses on the group at the table again. Buffy: I can't believe it. My favorite teacher, and she didn't even remember who I was. I'm like a non-person. (to Oz) Am I invisible? (waves her hand in front of him) Can you see me? Oz: Big as life. Buffy: At Hemery, I was Prom Princess, I was Fiesta Queen, I was on the cheerleading squad. And the yearbook was, like, a story of me. Now it's senior year, and I'm going to be one crappy picture on one-eighth of one crappy page. Xander: (looks up from his plate) Uh, no, actually, you're not. Buffy: What do you mean? Xander: Well, you, uh, missed the picture-taking. Buffy: (eyes wide with surprise) When? (looks at Oz) Why? Oz: We did 'em yesterday. Willow: Didn't Cordelia tell you? Buffy settles her gaze on a campaigning Cordelia. Cut to Cordelia handing a flyer to a student. Buffy approaches behind her. Cordelia: Thanks for your support. (smiles and turns around) Buffy, you look so cute in that outfit. Buffy: I'm not voting for you. Cordelia: (curtly) Then make it snappy. Buffy: How come you didn't tell me they were doing the yearbook pictures? (crosses her arms) Cordelia: Didn't I? Oh, I guess I forgot. What's the big? Buffy: It's just... (exhales) You could've thought about somebody else for thirty seconds, that's all. Cordelia: Hey, I am under a *lot* of pressure here. Buffy: Oh, yeah, campaigning. Rough gig. Cordelia: What would you know about it? Just because you were Guacamole Queen when you were three doesn't mean you understand how this works. Buffy: Obviously, it involves handing out entirely lame flyers. Cordelia: No. It involves being part of this school and having actual friends. Buffy takes offense, and glares at Cordelia. Cordelia: Now, if it was about monsters, blood, and innards, then you'd be a shoo-in. I'd like to see *you* try to win the crown. Buffy: You would? Cordelia huffs and walks around Buffy to leave. Buffy: Then you will. Cordelia stops in her tracks and turns to face her. Cordelia: What does that mean? Buffy: (faces her) I'm gonna show you how it's done. I'm gonna run for Homecoming Queen, and I'm going to win. Cordelia: This is starting to be sad. Buffy: Sorry, Cordy, but you have no idea who you're messing with. Cordelia: What? The Slayer? Buffy: I'm not talking about the Slayer. I'm talking about Buffy. You've awakened the Prom Queen within. And that crown is going to be mine. Cut to Trick's house. Trick: Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive. It... makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us k*ll. We all have the desire to win. (walks through the room) Whether we're human... (gestures to three men) vampire... He nods to Lyle Gorch and his wife, then stops by a yellow-skinned creature with a spiny ridge along the top of his head. Trick: ...and whatever the hell you are, my brother. You got them spiny-looking head things. I ain't never seen that before. Kulak: I am Kulak, of the Miquot Clan. Trick: Isn't that nice. (continues walking) Point is, you're all here for the same reason. Lyle: Well, it sure ain't no philosophy class, now, is it? His wife Candy smiles at him. Trick stops pacing and faces him. Trick: Mr. Gorch, my account statement says that your deposit has not yet been made. Lyle: Well, me and Candy... we blowin' our whole honeymoon stash on this little game here. He empties a bag of cash onto the table. Trick: (unimpressed) They're dirty. Lyle: (smiles) They're nonconsecutive. Trick gives the money another look, and this time is impressed. Trick: (to everyone) The games will begin in a few days' time. The first target, Buffy, you've all seen. The second, Faith, is... a little more elusive. But they will both be together and ready for the k*lling, and that is a money-back guarantee. The Gorches smile. Trick: Ladies, gentlemen, spiny-headed looking creatures, welcome to SlayerFest '98! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Rosenberg house that evening. Cut to Willow's room. "How", by Lisa Loeb, is quietly playing on the radio. Willow is trying on an outfit, and steps out from behind her changing screen wearing a crimson blouse over a white satin slip dress. Willow: What do you think of this? Xander glances over at her as he tucks his white, long-sleeve dress shirt into his tuxedo pants. His bow tie hangs around his collar, still untied. Xander: (shrugs) Nice. (smiles) He goes back to tucking in his shirt. Willow: It's my first big dance, you know? (unbuttons her blouse) (smiles) Where there's a boy and a band... and not just me alone in my room pretending that there's a boy and a band. Lyrics: I didn't come this far Willow: (picks up another outfit) I just want it to be... She goes back behind the changing screen as Xander steps over to her dressing mirror to tie his bow tie. Xander: Special. That's why I spared no expense on the tux. Willow: The tux? I thought you, uh, borrowed it from your cousin Rigby. Lyrics: For you to make this hard for me. Xander: (struggling with his tie) Expense to my pride, Will. They're our only relations with money, and they shun us... as they should. Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'how'? Willow steps out from behind the screen again, this time wearing a black top embroidered with several randomly placed small sunflowers and a smiling sun over a full-length black skirt with a floral print. Willow: What do you think about this? Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart b*at? Xander: (looks and nods) Nice. Lyrics: Why do you breathe? He turns his attention back on his tie. Willow sees him struggle with it and comes over to him, raising her hands along the way to reach for the tie. Xander lets go of the tie, and she starts to tie it. She looks up at him and gives him a little smile. Lyrics: How does your heart b*at? Xander: What? Lyrics: And why do you breathe? Willow: (smiling) I was just... Lyrics: Why did you come here? Willow: Remember the eighth-grade cotillion? (giggles) You had that clip-on? Lyrics: You weren't invited Xander: Hey, I was pretty stylin' with a clip-on. Lyrics: And you're on the outside Willow: And now here we are, and it's... Homecoming. (concentrates on the tie) Xander: Yeah, we should face it, Will. Lyrics: Stay on the outside. Xander: You and I are gonna be in neighboring rest homes while I come over so you can adjust my, um... Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'why'? Willow raises her eyebrows at him. Xander: My, uh... Well, I can't think of anything that's not really gross. Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart b*at? Willow is finished with the tie and smiles at him. She pats the tie and then goes back behind the screen to try on yet another outfit. Xander pulls on his vest. Lyrics: And how do you cry? Xander: So, uh... you and Oz. Lyrics: How does your heart b*at? Xander: How do I put this? (buttons the vest) Are we on first, second, or, uh... ye gods? Willow: That's none of your business, Alexander Harris. Her shadow on the screen shows her adjusting the shoulder straps of the dress she's putting on. Lyrics: And there are some things that I like to figure out Xander: (smiles) Ooo, rounding second. (reaches for his jacket) Willow: (huffs) You don't know that. What about you and Cordelia? Lyrics: There are some things that I can do without Xander: (pulls on the tuxedo jacket) Oh, a gentleman never talks about his conquests. Willow: Oh, yeah? (steps out from behind the screen) Well, since when did you become a... Lyrics: You and your letters are gone forever They are both struck dumb when they see each other. She is wearing an elegant black, sleeveless, full-length dress. Xander is looking dapper in his tuxedo. They don't say anything for a long moment. Willow finally breaks the silence to finish her sentence. Willow: ...gentleman? (smiles and giggles) She looks down at her dress, then back up at him and shrugs. Willow: Uh, I know. 'Nice.' Xander: I was gonna go with 'gorgeous'. (steps toward her) Willow: (smiles) Really? (steps toward him) You, too. I-in a guy way. Lyrics: With all the things that you could be Xander: (smiles back and draws a breath) Oz is very lucky. Willow: (smiling) So is Cordelia... i-in a girl way. Lyrics: You never could learn how to be me. Suddenly Willow looks very worried. Willow: I don't know if I can dance in this. I don't know if I can dance! Xander: Come on. Piece of cake. He steps up to her and offers his hands to dance. Xander: Here. Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'how'? They take a few seconds to get positioned for a traditional slow waltz, and then start to dance. Xander: Well, that seems to, um... He looks down at their feet as they sway back and forth for a little while. Willow looks up at him, but tries not to look like she is. Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart b*at? / Why do you breathe? Willow: Yeah. This shouldn't be a... problem. Lyrics: How does your heart b*at? Xander: No. They slowly inch closer to each other. Lyrics: Why do you breathe? Xander: No problem. Lyrics: How does your heart b*at? / Why do you breathe? He slowly leans his head down to her, and she responds by angling hers up to him. They are soon very close, and kiss gently. The kiss goes on for several seconds before they realize what they are doing and quickly jump apart. Lyrics: How do you breathe? Xander: (points at her) That didn't just happen! Willow: No! (gestures nervously) I mean, it did, but it didn't! Xander: Because I respect you. And Oz. And I would never... Willow: (furrows her brow) I would never, either! I-it must be the clothes. I-it's a fluke. Xander: It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is. And there'll be no more fluking. Willow: Not ever. They step closer again, and are about to kiss when they jump apart again. Xander: We gotta get out of these clothes! Willow: Right now! They quickly realize the implication of what they just said, and get all flustered and gesture wildly. Xander: Oh, I didn't mean... Willow: I didn't... me, either! She rushes back behind her screen. Xander hastens the other way. Cut to Sunnydale High the next day. Buffy: A campaign is like a w*r. It's won or lost in the trenches. Cut to the library, where Buffy has the large whiteboard arrayed with pictures of Cordelia, Michelle and Holly. Next to each picture is a thermometer filled in red up to their perceived levels of popularity. Below each picture is a list of strengths and weaknesses for each girl. Buffy walks past the board, pointing at each picture with a pointer stick as she goes by. Buffy: Holly, Michelle, and our real competition, Cordelia, all have big head starts. (sets down the pointer) Speaking of big heads, if I had a watermelon as big as Cordelia's, I'd be rich. She smiles at Xander, Willow and Oz, who are sitting on the table fidgeting nervously and looking as though they are desperate to get out of there. They don't react to Buffy's joke at all. Her smile fades. Buffy: Waits for laugh... She gives up waiting for a response and takes a few steps along the board. Buffy: Okay, you're right. Making fun of the competition only makes me seem petty. Now, this is just like any other popularity contest. I've done this before. The only difference being this time, I'm not actually popular. Although, I'm not exactly unpopular. A lot of people came to my welcome home party. Willow: But they were k*lled by zombies. Buffy: (points at her) Good point. Okay, (steps up to them) here's the plan. Willow, I need you to make a database. See who's for us, who's on the fence and where our real crisis areas are. Oz, you take the fringe: musicians, those not normally inclined to vote. Xander, what... She notices Cordelia coming into the library. Cordelia looks at them, wondering what's going on and crosses her arms. Buffy: Uh, Cordelia... Okay, look. I know this is a little awkward, but I don't see any reason why we all can't get along during this campaign time. (Cordelia shrugs and nods) I mean, we're... almost friends, and... we are all riding together in the limo. Cordelia: Yeah, great. Willow, how's that database coming? Willow: (looks down in shame) Uh, it's... just about done. (sighs) Cordelia: (insistently) Xander? Xander: (whips his head around to face her) I got your new flyers. (smiles thinly) Cordelia: Let's get cracking. Buffy gives them all a betrayed look. Xander slips off of the table. Xander: (to Buffy) She's my girlfriend. (goes to Cordelia) Willow slides off of the table also, and gestures and shrugs a lot when she looks at Buffy on her way to join Xander and Cordelia. Willow: It's just that... she needs it so much more than you do. Oz gets off of the table also, and stops by Buffy on his way after Willow, pointing back and forth between Willow and himself. Oz: As Willow goes, so goes my nation. He goes over to stand with the others, who are hanging their heads in shame and embarrassment behind Cordelia. Cordelia, by contrast, is standing proudly erect, facing Buffy with her arms crossed. Cordelia: Thanks for what you said, Buffy. I think we're getting along great. Don't you? Buffy takes it silently with a look of betrayal and abandonment evident on her face. Cordelia turns and heads out of the library. The others each give Buffy a quick apologetic glance and follow her out. Giles walks into the area as Buffy goes to the table to get her bottle of apple juice. Giles: Seems like a lot of fuss for... one little title. Buffy: Well, you know, it's no fun if you don't try your best. (takes a drink) Giles: As long as fun is still in the mix. Buffy: (smiling) Sure! It's not like anyone takes it that seriously. The bottle in her hand suddenly shatters under the pressure of her grip. Buffy gives Giles an innocent smile. Cut outside to the quad. The Homecoming Queen campaigning is well under way. "f*re Escape", by Fastball, plays in the background as the camera moves around, taking in various scenes of the girls trying to get votes. Buffy talks to a small group of students while handing out fliers, then looks over her shoulder at Cordelia. The camera pans over to Cordelia glancing at Buffy. When she notices Buffy looking at her, she shifts her attention to her own group of people, several of whom already have her flyer. Lyrics: Well, I don't wanna be president The camera pans again, and the scene dissolves to Trick's abode and Jungle Bob checking his r*fle. Lyrics: Superman or Clark Kent He walks past the Gruenstahler brothers wrestling with each other. Lyrics: I don't wanna walk 'round in their shoes The camera continues panning past Lyle and Candy Gorch kissing on a couch. Dissolve back to the quad at school. The camera pans across a bulletin board on which Holly, Michelle and Cordelia each have a flyer posted. Lyrics: 'Cause I don't know whose side I'm on Buffy walks up to the board and posts her much larger flyer right on top of Cordelia's. Lyrics: I don't know my right from wrong Cut to the Gruenstahler's boss, checking maps and coordinates on his computer. Lyrics: I don't know where I'm going to Behind him his boys keep up with their training. Cut to Jungle Bob, testing a bear trap. He sticks a mannequin leg into it, and the jaws instantly snap shut, shattering the leg. Cut to Kulak. He raises his arms and snaps them down so his forearms are extended out from him horizontally at his waist. Lyrics: I don't know about you Both of Kulak's forearms split open from elbow to wrist, and a long, serrated, green throwing w*apon pops out of each arm and into his hands. He roars and quickly heaves them both at a wall, where they both h*t within inches of each other. Cut to the quad at school again. Buffy comes down the stairs with a bounce in her step. Lyrics: I'll be the rain falling on your f*re escape At the bottom she fakes dropping her stack of flyers. Scott sees them fall, and quickly kneels down to pick them up. Buffy: Sorry. Scott: Here. He hands her the flyers, and they both stand back up. Lyrics: And I may not be the man you want me to Scott: (looks at the flyers) I heard you were doing this. Buffy: Uh... yeah. It's just something to pass the time. Lyrics: I can be myself Buffy: It's silly, really. Lyrics: How 'bout you? Scott: I don't think so. For what it's worth, you have my vote. Buffy: No, I don't want you to feel... (reconsiders and smiles) Thank you. Scott nods his head back at her and leaves. Lyrics: I don't wanna make you mad Buffy smiles to herself and pulls out her campaign notebook. Lyrics: I don't wanna meet your dad She opens it to a list of names, and checks off Scott's name. Lyrics: I don't wanna be your dream come true She closes it, notices another boy coming and tosses her flyers on the ground again, making like it was an accident. The boy bends down to pick them up. Cut to a hall. Buffy is wearing a Sunnydale High team jacket and talks to a group of athletes also wearing team jackets. They all smile at her as she makes small talk with them. Lyrics: 'Cause I don't know just what I've found Cut to her campaign book. She checks off the name of Daryl Sancton. Cut to the quad. Holly is about to offer a brownie to a boy when Buffy comes up to him and gives him a huge chocolate cupcake. She gives him a radiant smile, and then smiles smugly to herself as she walks off. Lyrics: I don't know my sky from ground Cut to her campaign notebook. She checks off Leafe Small's name. Lyrics: I don't know where I'm going to Cut to the quad. After giving away two more chocolate cupcakes, Buffy walks over to a column to post a flyer. Cordelia comes up to the two students and smiles brightly as she hands them each a basket full of sweets and chocolates. Lyrics: I don't know about you Cordelia then holds open a bag for them to dump their cupcakes into. Buffy watches as Cordelia steps over to a trashcan and drops the bag into it. Cordelia gives her a smug look and smiles before walking off. Cut to the halls. Willow looks at two flyers of Buffy and Cordelia posted next to each other, sighs and starts to walk along the hall. She only gets a few steps before she runs into Buffy. Buffy: Hey. Willow: (jumpy) Hi! How are you? You good? You look good. Anything new? (smiles) Hey, did I mention you look good? Buffy: Willow, it's okay that you're helping Cordelia. We're best friends. I'm not gonna hold it against you. Willow: (whining) No, I'm not a friend. I'm a rabid dog who should be sh*t! But there're forces at work here! Dark, incomprehensible forces. Buffy: And I'm sure they're more important than all we've been through together, or... the number of times that I've saved your life. Willow: (looks at her imploringly) What do you want? Buffy: Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database. Willow: (gives in with a squeaky voice) 'Kay. She slides her backpack from her shoulder and sits at a table by a window. Buffy: (smiles) Good! Oh! (sits also) Cut outside the window. The camera pulls back from it. Buffy: So, I spoke to the limo people, and we're all set. Cut inside the Gruenstahler's van. One of them is looking at them through binoculars while the other has a parabolic listening device trained on them and records their conversation. Buffy: They'll pick up Faith, then me, then swing by and get you guys. Now, what's your database tell you about *my* weaknesses? Cut to a hall. Jonathon takes a big bite out of a chocolate cupcake as he walks slowly along. The camera pulls back from him to show Buffy walking with him with her arm around his shoulders. Buffy: You know, Jonathon, I've always felt a special bond between you and me. Jonathon: (with his mouth full) Cordelia gave me six bucks. (they stop walking) That buys a *whole* lotta cupcakes. (takes another bite) Cut to another part of the hall where Cordelia is talking to another group of students. Cordelia: Are you kidding? She holds up her hand with her fingers spread in the characteristic 'V' form of the Vulcan greeting. Cordelia: I've been doing the Vulcan death grip since I was four. She smiles at a guy and pokes him in the forehead a few times with her spread fingers, blissfully unaware that she doesn't know the first thing about the Vulcan nerve pinch, not even its proper name. Buffy walks up behind her with her arms crossed. Buffy: So you really are giving out money, huh? Cordelia: (turns to face her) Is that any more tacky than your faux 'I'm shy but deep' campaign posters? Buffy: Yes. Cordelia: This whole trying to be like me really isn't funny anymore. Buffy: I was *never* trying to be like you, and when was it funny? Cordelia: I don't see why your pathetic need to recapture your glory days gives you the right to splinter my vote. Buffy: (not believing what she's hearing) How can you think it's okay to talk to people like this? Do you have parents? Cordelia: Yeah. Two of them... unlike some people. Buffy: (completely flabbergasted) Your brain isn't even connected to your mouth, is it? Xander and Willow walk up behind Cordelia. Cordelia: Why don't you do us both a favor and stay out of my way? She starts to walk past her, putting her hand on Buffy's shoulder to push her out of the way. Buffy grabs her hand and pulls it off of her. Buffy: Don't *ever* do that again. Cordelia: (jerks her hand away) You're sick, you know that? Xander takes Cordelia by the arms from behind. Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll, uh, regret later... Cordelia: (to Buffy) You crazy freak! Buffy: Vapid whore! Xander: ...like that! He pulls Cordelia away from Buffy. Cordelia: (incensed) What did you call me?! Xander quickly leads her away down the hall. Willow steps up to Buffy looking extremely worried. Willow: This is just... Cut to Willow's room later that afternoon. She paces behind Xander. Willow: ...the worst thing that's ever happened. Ever! She sits on her bed and crosses her arms and legs, looking down sadly. Xander sits down next to her and puts his arm around her. Xander: I know. I know. It's just... when I look at you now, it's like I'm seeing you for the first time. Willow: I'm talking about Buffy and Cordelia. Xander: (yanks back his arm) Me, too. Willow: (sighs) What are we gonna do? I mean, we have to do something. This is all our fault. Xander: How do you get from 'chick fight' to 'our fault'? Willow: (flustered) Because: we felt so guilty about the fluke, we overcompensated helping Cordelia, and we spun the whole group dynamic out of orbit, and we're just a big meteor shower heading for Earth... Xander: Okay, calm down. Let's just put our heads together and think of something. (Willow nods) (takes a breath) Okay, one of us here is pretty darn smart, and I am... Willow looks at him expectantly. Xander: ...just in Hell. I-I mean, I-I thought being a senior *at last* and, and having a girlfriend *at last* would, would be a *good* thing. Now, why wouldn't that be a good thing? He notices Willow's gazed fixed on his mouth. Xander: What? Willow: Sometimes when you're falling to pieces, your mouth, (reaches up with her hand) it just does the sweetest thing. (smiles) Xander reaches up with his hand, takes hers in it and lowers their hands to his knee. He puts his other hand over hers as well. Willow: What are we gonna do? Xander: We just have to get the two of them communicating. Willow: I'm talking about us. They look at each other in silence. Cut to Buffy's house that night. She is wearing a bright red spaghetti- strap evening gown with matching shoes and purse. She comes down the steps from the porch and walks over to the limousine waiting for her in the driveway. The driver holds open the door for her, and she gets in. He closes the door. Buffy looks next to her and finds Cordelia sitting there wearing a green satin dress with a corsage on her wrist. Buffy: What's going on here? Where's Faith? Cordelia hands her the card she found in the limo when she was picked up. Buffy opens it and reads. Dear Cordelia and Buffy, We won't be riding to the dance with you. We want you to work out your problems because our friendships are more important than who wins Homecoming Queen. Your friends. P.S. The limo was not cheap. Work it out. She folds the card closed and sets it down. Buffy: Well... She looks around and notices the corsage waiting for her in a small box between them. Buffy: They bought us corsages? Cordelia: I took the orchid. Buffy: (rolls her eyes) Okay. The driver gets in and starts the car. The camera is in a close-up sh*t of his ear, and he puts an earpiece into it as the camera pulls out to reveal that the driver is one of the Gruenstahler brothers. He puts the car in gear and drives off. Cut to a lonely stretch of road in the woods. The limousine drives along at a steady speed. Cordelia: I don't see what the big deal is. Cut inside the limo. Buffy: I'm not making a big deal. You wanted the orchid, you got the orchid. Cordelia: It goes with my complexion better. The driver pulls the limo to the side of the road. Buffy: It does have that sallow tint. She notices the car stop. Buffy: Finally we're here. They hear the driver's door slam and his footsteps as he runs off. Buffy gives Cordelia a concerned look. She opens her door and gets out of the car. Cut outside. Cordelia gets out behind her and swings the door shut. They look around, surprised to find themselves in the middle of the woods. Cordelia: What is this? (loudly) Okay, guys, we've had enough of your stupid little game! Buffy notices a VCR and a monitor waiting for them on a rock. Buffy: What's massively wrong with this picture? They walk up to it. A sign on the VCR says "Press Play", which Buffy does. Trick appears on the screen. Trick: Hello, ladies. Welcome to SlayerFest '98. Buffy and Cordelia stare at the monitor in disbelief. Trick: What is a SlayerFest, you ask? Well, as in most of life, there's the hunters and the hunted. Can you guess where you two fall? From the beginning of this tape, you have exactly thirty seconds--(checks his watch) no, that's seventeen now--to run for your lives. (smiles) Cut to Cordelia. Trick: Faith... Cut to Buffy. Trick: Buffy... Cut to the monitor. Trick: (smiling hugely) Have a nice death. The picture fades to black, and the word "SlayerFest" appears in red and white. Cordelia: (to the woods around them) Hello! How stupid are you people? (points at Buffy) She's a Slayer. (puts her hand to her chest) I'm a Homecoming Queen! They hear a distant g*n, and an instant later the monitor explodes. Cordelia gasps in fright, and the two of them begin to run. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Homecoming Dance at the Bronze. Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) are on the stage performing "She Knows". The camera is overhead looking straight down on the drummer. It tilts up as it moves past Oz on his guitar and Devon at the mic and out into the crowd. Lyrics: She flies from a blinding light / And spirals to my heart The camera closes in on Willow and Xander standing about three feet (1m) apart. Willow has her hands folded in front of her and looks sad as she watches the band play. Xander is idly nibbling on a finger sandwich while looking down at the floor, seemingly deep in thought. Faith comes up behind them. Faith: What are you two so mopey about? Lyrics: I try to find my mind to go / don't know where to start Xander: (looks at her) Oh, we're not mopey. We're groovin'. (points at the stage) On Oz's band. He's a great guy, Oz. Lyrics: Won't ever, can't ever find my sanity Willow: He wrote this song for me. Faith glances around and sees Scott behind her dancing with a girl. Lyrics: Won't ever... Faith: (to Willow, indicating behind them) Sleazebag! (huffs and walks off) Lyrics: ...can't ever till I hear her calling for me Giles finds them and rushes up behind them. Giles: We have to find Buffy. Something terrible's happened. Willow and Xander look at him, but aren't upset by this news. Lyrics: She knows that, she knows that Giles: (smiles) Just kidding. Thought I'd give you a scare. Willow looks back at the band. Xander just stares at him. Lyrics: She knows that side of me Giles: (sees Xander's sandwich) Are those finger sandwiches? He goes off to find the buffet table to get a few sandwiches of his own. Xander looks back at the band now, too. Lyrics: I can't help it, can't help it Cut to the woods. Buffy and Cordelia jog through it at a brisk pace. Buffy scans the forest around them as they go. Cordelia just follows her. Cordelia: I have an idea. We talk to these people, we explain that I'm not a Slayer, and they let me go. They slow to a walk. Buffy ignores Cordelia's comment, and keeps scanning around them. Cordelia looks down and sees that Buffy is about to step into a bear trap. Cordelia: Look out! With her fast Slayer reflexes, Buffy instantly lifts her foot back up, and the trap snaps shut empty. Knowing someone must be near, Buffy grabs Cordelia and pulls her to the ground as Jungle Bob takes aim with his r*fle. Buffy: Get down! He sh**t and misses. Buffy grabs the sprung trap and hurls it at Jungle Bob. It hits him hard, and he staggers back and steps into another bear trap. He grunts when it snaps shut on his leg. Buffy hurries over to him with Cordelia not far behind. She picks up his r*fle and points it at him. Buffy: That's gotta smart. Jungle Bob tries to pry open the trap. Buffy: Now, I can let you out of that, or I can put a b*llet in your head. How many are there in this little game, and what are they packing? He just stares at her, refusing to speak. Buffy pumps a fresh round into the g*n's chamber. This gives him cause to think again. Jungle Bob: There's me, two Germans with AR-15s and grenade launcher... yellow-skinned demon with long knives... Vampire couple from Texas named Gorch. Buffy: That everybody? Jungle Bob: Everybody who's out here. Germans are wired. Their boss is tracking them on computer. Now get me out of this! Cordelia: Could I just ask you an *eensy* favor? Could you just tell your friends that I'm not a Sl... Cordelia screams and jumps back as Kulak's serrated w*apon slice into the tree in front of her. Cut to the Bronze. Giles selects a few finger sandwiches from the buffet table. Lyrics: Just a little more, just a little more Behind Giles, Faith moves around the table, and the camera follows her over to Scott. He is dancing slow and close with his date. Lyrics: Just until I know what I'm feeling Faith touches the couple, and they pull apart. Faith: Scott? There you are, honey! Lyrics: Just a little more Faith: Hey, good news. Lyrics: Just a little more / To find my sanity Faith: (with lots of gesturing) The doctor says that the itching and the swelling and the burning should clear up, (puts her hands on his chest) but we gotta keep using the ointment. Scott's date isn't sure what to make of that. Faith turns to her and touches her on the shoulder. Faith: Hi. Lyrics: She knows that side is calling back for me She turns back to Scott, grabs him by the lapels and gives him a little pull. She lets go of him and walks away. Scott turns back to his date, thoroughly embarrassed. Scott: Uh... The camera pans back across the buffet table to Giles. He chews on a bite of his finger sandwich and steps over to Willow and Xander sitting angled away from each other. Willow stares at the floor while Xander leans his face into his fist. Lyrics: I've lost my mind / I never believe Giles: I suspect the, uh, finger food contains... actual fingers. Xander gives him a quick disgusted glance. Willow just stares sadly at the floor. Lyrics: She knows that side... Giles: I-I-I think I'll retreat to the library until the coronation. He gets no reaction from either of them. Lyrics: ...is calling back for me Giles: I wanna be here when, when, when Buffy... Well, uh, however the thing turns out for her. Lyrics: I lost my mind til she's calling for me Giles: A-and that was a very fine thing you two did, putting Buffy and Cordelia together. Lyrics: She's calling for me / She's calling for me He holds out the rest of his sandwich wrapped in a napkin out to Xander, who idly takes it. Giles then heads out of the Bronze to go to his library. Lyrics: She knows that, she knows that Willow keeps staring down at the floor with a big frown on her face. Willow: We did one fine thing. Lyrics: She knows that side of me Xander: Yeah. They've been gone for a while. They must really be getting' into it. Lyrics: I can't help it Cut inside a run-down cabin in the woods. Buffy kicks the door in, and she and Cordelia rush in. Buffy holds Jungle Bob's r*fle in one hand as she pushes the door shut with the other and pulls a chair over to barricade it. She starts to go each window to close the shutters and draw the drapes over them. Buffy: We should be safe in here for a while. You need to find a w*apon. Cordelia: (panting with fright) Safe? I'm not safe. I'm gonna die! Buffy pulls back the drapes from another window to close its shutters, but it comes loose in her hand and falls to the floor. Buffy: (shrugs) Yeah, you are if you just stand there. She pulls the drapes across to at least block the view and goes on to do the rest of the windows. Cordelia: (sobbing) I'm never gonna be crowned Homecoming Queen. I'm never gonna graduate from high school. I'm never gonna know if it's real between me and Xander, or if it's just... (sobs) some temporary insanity that made me think... (sobs) I loved him. (sobs) And now I'm never gonna get the chance to tell him. Buffy allows her attention to be diverted by Cordelia for a moment. She sighs and goes over to her. Buffy: Yes, you are. We are gonna get out of here, and we are gonna head back to the library, where Giles and the rest of the w*apon live. Then I'm gonna take out the rest of these guys just in time for you to congratulate me on my *sweeping* victory as Homecoming Queen. (heads back to a window) Cordelia: I know what you're up to. (Buffy turns back to face her) You think if you get me mad enough, I won't be so scared. And, hey! It's working! Where's a damn w*apon? She looks around and sees an end table with drawers, walks over to it and starts searching for anything that she can use. Buffy resumes her surveillance at the window. Buffy: You really love Xander? Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet. She finds a spatula and takes it over to Buffy. Buffy: That's it? Cordelia: Just this and a telephone. Buffy: A telephone. And you didn't think that'd be helpful? Cordelia: No, this is better for... She swings it a few times and realizes it probably won't be of much use. Cordelia: Oh. (exhales) Cut to Trick's place. The Gruenstahler's boss is using his computer to track the happenings in the woods. Boss: You're about to see why Daniel Boone and that idiot demon are creatures of the past... and why I am the future. I'm picking up a signal. He zeros in on a grid on his computer map. Boss: They've got a phone! Cut to the cabin. Buffy is on the phone. Buffy: If you get this message, Giles, get help and get out here... The phone clicks and goes d*ad. Buffy: Hello? Cordelia: What happened? Buffy: It went d*ad. Cut to Jungle Bob in the woods. Kulak walks up behind him and watches him grunt and struggle to pry open the bear trap. Kulak: Want me to cut that leg off? Jungle Bob: No, thanks. Kulak gives him a disgusted grunt and walks off after the girls. Cut to the Gruenstahler brothers. They are decked out all in black and have their AR-15s raised and ready, listening to their boss on their headsets and scanning the area as they go. Boss: Continue proceeding south ninety meters to vector three. Cut to Giles' office. He comes in, notices that there is a message for him on his machine and presses the playback button. He takes a sip of his tea as the machine rewinds briefly, beeps and plays Buffy's message. Buffy: Giles, it's me... and Cordelia. We're in a cabin in Miller's Woods, and we're in big trouble. Cut to the cabin. Cordelia sits down on a cot. Cordelia: Why is it every time I go somewhere with you, it always ends in v*olence and terror? Buffy: (staring out a window) Welcome to my life. Cordelia: I don't wanna be in your life. I wanna be in my life. Buffy: (looks back at her) Well, there's the door. (points with the r*fle) Please feel free to walk out at any time and live your life. She walks over to another window and looks out again. Cordelia: All I wanted was to be Homecoming Queen. Buffy turns to face her again and lowers the g*n. Buffy: And that's all I wanted, too, Cordelia. She sighs, looks down at her dress and heads back to the other window again. Buffy: I spent a year's allowance on this dress. (looks out again) Cordelia: I don't even get why you care about Homecoming when you're doing stuff like this. Again Buffy turns around to face her. Buffy: Because this is all I do. This is what my life is. (lowers her head and steps into the room) You couldn't understand. (shrugs) I just thought... Homecoming Queen. (smiles) (Cordelia keeps respectfully silent) I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, I was there. I went to high school, I had friends, and... for one moment, I got to live in the world. (smiles) And there'd be proof. Proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Cordelia gives her an understanding look. Buffy raises the r*fle in her hands. Buffy: Besides... (pumps the r*fle) I look cute in a tiara. Cordelia lets out a little laugh. Then they hear a growl outside of the cabin. Cordelia: Do you hear... Suddenly Kulak comes crashing through a window. He immediately grabs Buffy and throws her down onto an old mattress and pillow on the floor, making her drop the r*fle. She rolls out of the way as he swings at her with his green serrated blades, and they just slice into the pillow. Buffy rushes to the far wall and takes down a set of antlers to use for defense. Kulak swings his blades at her while Cordelia slaps him on the back with her spatula from behind. Buffy blocks the blades with the antlers and shoves the antlers aside. Kulak goes down with them. Buffy: Cor, the g*n! Kulak gets to his knees and takes a wide swing at Buffy, cutting her slightly on the arm and making her fall. Buffy: Ooh! Cordelia finds the r*fle on the floor and picks it up. Kulak stands up and tries another swing, but Buffy grabs the end of the rug he's standing on and yanks it out from under him, making him fall backward and h*t the floor hard on his back. Cordelia has the g*n raised now, and waves it around looking for a target. Kulak gets back to his feet, and Cordelia sh**t but misses, hitting a bottle on a shelf instead. Buffy: Cordelia, the spatula. Cut outside of the cabin. The Gruenstahler boys sneak up on it. Cut to their boss. Boss: Prepare to launch. Cut inside the cabin. Kulak takes a lunging swing at Buffy. She avoids it and grabs the hanging lamp above her and uses it to support herself to deliver a solid mid-air roundhouse kick to Kulak's face. He goes flying backward into a desk against the wall and falls to the floor. Cut outside. One of the brothers loads a grenade into his launcher and closes the chamber. Their boss gives them coordinates over their radio feeds. Boss: Target's in range, ready your w*apon. Y-axis fifty-three degrees west by eight degrees south. The assassin punches the coordinates into his targeting computer. Cut inside. Cordelia tries to get Buffy's attention. Cordelia: Buffy! Buffy looks over at her, and Cordelia tosses her the r*fle. She aims it at Kulak as he gets up from the floor. He roars and starts to come at her. Buffy pulls the trigger, but the chamber is still empty from Cordelia's sh*t, so the hammer just clicks on nothing. Buffy quickly raises the r*fle above her head to block Kulak's swing. His blade embeds itself in the r*fle's stock, and Buffy twists it around, pulling Kulak's arm with it and pinning him down. Cut to the Gruenstahler's boss. Boss: Launch! Cut outside the cabin. The grenade is launched. Cut inside. The grenade penetrates a window shutter and falls to the floor in front of Buffy and Kulak. They look at each other and let go of the r*fle. Buffy grabs Cordelia and starts to run toward a window with her in tow. Kulak runs for another window. Buffy and Cordelia both jump and crash through the glass. Kulak jumps also, but his window is shuttered behind the curtain, so he just bounces off of it and back into the room by the grenade. He takes a quick, terrified breath. Cut outside. Buffy and Cordelia run like mad. Behind them the cabin explodes in a huge fireball, sending bits of debris flying everywhere and knocking them to the ground. They both look up at each other, panting. Buffy: We gotta get back to the library. They get up and start running through the woods. The Gruenstahlers begin to track them. Cut to the library. Lyle and Candy have the book cage open and have found the w*apon stash. A couple of battle-axes and a mace are on a table. Candy loads a bolt into the crossbow, turns around and points it at Lyle. Lyle: Easy, darlin'. (nudges the w*apon away) These things go through you faster than Grandpa Pete's chili. Candy: I want to do Buffy: my weddin' present for what happened to your poor brother. Lyle: Tector. Candy: (impatient) When's she comin'? Lyle: (looks down at the floor) Well, he's her Watcher. She'll show... just as soon as she gets rid of some of our competition. The camera pans down to Giles lying unconscious on the floor. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Inside Trick's house. The Gruenstahler's boss is tracking Buffy and Cordelia on his computer. Boss: They're heading west, back into town. Trick: They got away? Boss: Temporarily. Trick: Well, give it up for the Slayers. They got character. There's a knock at the door. Trick: I'll take care of it. He goes to answer the door. The boss keeps tracking the girls. Cut to the door. Trick opens it. There he finds two police officers waiting. Trick: Evening, gentlemen. How may I help you? Without a word the two officers grab him and drag him out of the house. Trick: Excuse me! Anybody got a warrant here? Cut to the halls at the school. Buffy and Cordelia come around a corner and head for the library. Buffy: Jungle Bob and spike-head are down and out. We've lost the Germans twice, but they seem to keep finding us. If we take them out and the Gorches, we can still make Homecoming. Cordelia: Those animals! Hunting us down like poor defenseless... well, animals. They walk into the library. Buffy: We just need to find Giles... Candy roars and grabs Buffy by the arm. She swings her around and lets go, but Buffy maintains her balance and doesn't fall. Candy does a roundhouse kick to Buffy's face, making her stagger a bit. She grabs Buffy by the back of the neck and shoves her into a bookcase, bringing her head down onto the shelves and breaking several of them as she falls to the floor. Lyle smiles at Candy's clever move, but Buffy does a sweep kick, knocking Candy's legs out from underneath her and making her fall also. Buffy scrambles to her feet. Cordelia gets her attention. Cordelia: Buffy! She tosses the spatula to Buffy, who grabs it in mid-air and turns to face Candy with it. Candy grabs the coat rack as she gets up. Buffy lunges at Candy with the handle of the spatula and impales her on it. Candy shoves the base of the coat rack into Buffy's face and makes her stumble back into the walls. She falls over a wastebasket and into a potted tree before falling to the floor unconscious. Candy drops the coat rack and notices the spatula sticking out of her chest. Lyle's face takes on a look of terror. Lyle: Candy! She burst into ashes before his eyes. Lyle: Oh, Candy... He heads for Buffy on the floor. Cordelia calmly steps over and heads him off. Lyle: I'm gonna k*ll both you Slayers for this! You hear me? Cordelia: I hear you, you redneck moron. You got a dress that goes with that hat? Lyle: (furious) I'm gonna... Cordelia: Rip out my innards, play with my eyeballs, boil my brain and eat it for brunch? Listen up, needle-brain. Buffy and I have taken out four of your cronies, not to mention your girlfriend. Lyle: WIFE! Cordelia: Whatever. The point is, I haven't even broken a sweat. See, in the end, Buffy's just the runner-up. *I'm* the Queen. You get me mad, (gets in his face and glares at him) what do you think I'm gonna do to you? Lyle is taken aback by that, and considers his next move. Cordelia raises her eyebrows at him impatiently. Lyle thinks better of taking her on and gives her a quick nod. Lyle: Later. He cautiously edges his way around her and heads out of the library. Giles wakes up and gets up from the floor. Cordelia smiles, impressed with herself. Cut to later in the library. Buffy is awake again, and Giles starts to deal with the mess left by the Gorches. Buffy: (to Cordelia) That should teach him to mistake you for a Slayer. Giles: Yes, I must admit I do feel partly responsible. I did give your friends tacit approval to make the switch in the limousine. Buffy: Aw, it's okay. It gave Cor and I a chance to spend some quality death time. Cordelia: And we got these free corsages. (looks at hers) Buffy pulls hers out to look at it. Giles: Oh, that's nice. Although I don't recall them mentioning corsages. Buffy: Jungle Bob... said that the Germans were hooked into a computer system. She gives her corsage a more thorough inspection. Inside she finds a small transmitter. Buffy: And they're hooked into us. They both look up when they hear a door slam out in the halls. Cut to the halls. The Gruenstahler brothers make their way in, scanning around with their laser-sighted r*fles. Cut into the library. Cordelia quickly pulls her corsage off and gives it to Buffy. Cordelia: Oh, God, get rid of these things! Buffy: (to Giles) I need some wet toilet paper. Cordelia: (sarcastically) Yeah! That'll help. Cut to the halls. The brothers pull on their night vision goggles and continue to scan and advance into the dark halls. Their boss talks over their com links. Boss: Transmitting coordinates now. Cut to their boss tracking them. Boss: They're fifty feet away. Cut to the halls as seen looking through the night vision goggles. Suddenly Buffy runs across the hall. They try to trace her and f*re, but they can't follow her fast enough with their aim. They hold their f*re, and one of them signals the other to advance. Around the corner Buffy ducks into a classroom. The one follows her in. The other listens to his boss' instructions and takes aim through a wall. Boss: Axis six degrees by forty-three. Cut to their boss, still tracking. Boss: I have them both in range. Cut inside the classroom. The assassin scans around in the dark room, but can't see anything. Cut to the hall. The one out there moves his r*fle according to his instructions. Boss: I have the targets together, twenty feet north and stationary. Final position is locked. f*re when ready. Cut inside the classroom. The assassin keeps scanning as he walks through the room. Boss: Both targets seven degrees by thirty-five. Buffy rises up from behind a low bookcase. She throws a wad of wet toilet paper with the transmitters, and it hits the assassin on his back. He spins around to look what direction he was h*t from. Boss: Adjust! Right ten degrees! f*re! Cut to the hall. The assassin there starts to sh**t through the wall. Cut to the room. The other one turns toward the f*re and sh**t back. They keep sh**ting at each other through the wall until they h*t each other and die. Cut to their boss. The targets on his screen disappear, and he assumes that his targets have been eliminated. Boss: (smiles) I won! He chuckles and snaps his fingers in triumph. Cut to the classroom. Buffy looks at the destroyed windows from behind the cover of the bookcase. Cut to city hall. Cut to the Mayor's office. A police officer escorts Trick in and shoves him to the center of the room. Mayor Wilkins looks up, smiles and offers his hand in greeting. Mayor Wilkins: Hello! Nice to meet you. Trick: (ignores the hand) Yeah, hi, it's a pleasure. Where am I? Mayor Wilkins: (withdraws his hand) In my office. I'm Richard Wilkins. I'm the Mayor of Sunnydale. And you're... (points at him) Mr. Trick. (indicates a chair) Please, sit down. He walks around to the other side of his desk. Trick takes a seat. Mayor Wilkins: That's an exciting suit. Trick: Well, clothes make the man. Mayor Wilkins: Well, as I understand it, you're not a man... exactly. (Trick nods) Mr. Trick, I've been the Mayor for quite some time. I like things to run smoothly. This is a very important year for me. Trick: Election year. Mayor Wilkins: Something like that. Trick: If this is the part where you tell me that I don't fit in here in your quiet little neighborhood, you can just skip it 'cause, see, that all got old long before I became a vampire. Do you know what I'm saying? Mayor Wilkins: Do you have children? (Trick just smiles) Children are the heart of a community. (walks around his desk again) They need to be looked after. Controlled. (sits on his desk) The more rebellious element needs to be dealt with. The children are our future. We need them. *I* need them. Trick: If this rebellious element means who I think it does, then that problem may be taken care of this very night. Mayor Wilkins: So I've heard. (chuckles) That's a very enterprising idea you have: SlayerFest. (laughs) I love that name, by the way. You see, *that's* the kind of initiative I need on my team. Trick: What if I don't wanna be a part of the team? Mayor Wilkins: Oh, no, that won't be an issue. Trick just gives him an even stare. The Mayor reaches onto his desk for a thin plastic box and opens the lid. Mayor Wilkins: See, you and I are gonna get along very well. (offers the box to Trick) Moist towelette? Cut to the Bronze. The time to announce the Homecoming Queen has arrived. The band's drummer gives a brief drumroll to get everyone's attention as Devon steps up to the mic. Devon: Hey, guys, the moment we've all been waiting for. Cut to the crowd. Devon goes on with some minor announcements before naming this year's queen. Willow gives Oz a concerned look. Willow: They're gonna announce the Queen. Where are they? What's keeping them? Oz notices Buffy and Cordelia work their way through the crowd behind them. They are still dirty and disheveled from their ordeal. Oz: I'm gonna go with mud wrestling. Xander: Oh, God! What did you two do to each other? Buffy: Long story. Cordelia: Got hunted. Buffy: Apparently not that long. Willow looks at the two of them in disbelief. Buffy: Tell you one thing, though: you don't wanna mess with Cordelia. Xander: (laughs and gets a look from Cordelia) No. Another drumroll gets their attention. Devon: In this envelope, I hold the name of this year's Homecoming Queen. He gets a few calls from the crowd. Before opening the envelope he makes another announcement about an after-party. Cordelia: After all that we've been through tonight, this whole who- gets-to-be-queen capade seems pretty... Buffy: Damn important. Cordelia: Oh, yeah. Devon: And the winner is... He opens the envelope and checks the name. Devon: Hey, I believe we have a first for Sunnydale High. We have a tie. Buffy and Cordelia exchange a look and smile. Devon: The winners are Holly Charleston and Michelle Blake! Buffy and Cordelia's smiles fade. Michelle and Holly push between them to get to the stage. Everyone in the crowd applauds as the two queens make their way to the stage. Cordelia and Buffy can't believe it. On the stage Devon holds up the Homecoming tiara, and waves it first over Michelle's head, then Holly's. The crowd continues to applaud. Michelle steps up to the mic. Michelle: I'm just so honored! (giggles) Buffy and Cordelia exchange another look, roll their eyes and turn to go. Michelle: I can't believe it! I mean, that you would pick me... or us... out of every girl in the whole school! It's just... it's so wonderful! Cordelia rolls her eyes again as the two of them leave. Michelle: (starts to weep) I promised myself I'm not gonna cry...

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x05 - Homecoming"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale cemetery at night. The camera is high above and angled down sharply on Buffy sitting on a blanket with her legs covered by another one, and Giles behind a nearby gravestone. He has a book open and reads from it as the camera pans down and pulls in until it is level with him. Giles: 'And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end.' That's all there is. Are you ready? Buffy: h*t me. Giles: Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage? A) v*olence breeds v*olence, B) All things must end, C)... Buffy looks down at her answer sheet and fills in a bubble with her No. 2 pencil. Buffy: 'B'. I'm going with 'B'. We haven't had 'B' in forever. Giles: (exasperated) This is the SATs, Buffy, not connect-the-dots. Please pay attention. A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college. Buffy: Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off. Giles: This isn't meant to be easy, you know. It's a rite of passage. Buffy: Well, is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce something or cut something off? Giles: Buffy, please concentrate. (looks back at his book) She sees a vampire approach behind him. Buffy: Roll! She tosses her notebook and answer sheet off of her lap and scrambles out from under her blanket and to her feet. Giles: (looks up) What? He sees her rushing toward him, instantly realizes that he needs to get out of the way and shoulder rolls onto the ground out of danger. Buffy vaults herself over the gravestone, finishing in a roundoff to the ground, and without a moment's hesitation side kicks the advancing vampire in the stomach. He goes flying backward, landing hard on his back. Buffy rushes him, grabs his legs and pushes them up, forcing him into a back roll away from her. The vampire ends up in a standing position and tries to punch her, but misses her entirely. She tries a punch, but he middle blocks her and takes a swing with his free hand at her face. She ducks both it and the next punch he throws. She straightens back up and roundhouse kicks him in the side, but he keeps his balance and tries to roundhouse kick her in turn. She ducks it, and his momentum carries him around in a spin. He comes to a stop facing her and tries to punch her in the face, but she grabs onto his arm and blocks his next punch. He brings his free hand up again, but she smashes her forearm down to block it. Seeing an opening, Buffy takes her pencil and s*ab him cleanly in the chest. She pulls it back out, and the vampire bursts into ashes. Buffy starts back to her blanket. She looks at the tip of her pencil and sees that it's broken. Buffy: Hmm. I broke my No. 2 pencil. We'll have to do this again sometime. Giles extends his hand to her holding a sharpened No. 2 pencil. Giles: C) All systems tend towards chaos. She flips her broken pencil at him and snatches the new one from his hand. Giles watches her old pencil fly by him and h*t the ground next to him. Buffy sits back down cross-legged on her blanket and picks up her notebook and answer sheet. Buffy: I just know that us and the undead are the only people in Sunnydale working this late. She pouts up at Giles and waits for him to start reading again. Cut to Sunnydale City Hall. Mayor Wilkins: I appreciate you coming. Cut inside to the Mayor's office. He's leaning on the backrest of his chair, smiling. He starts to walk out from behind his desk. Mayor Wilkins: I realize it is early... for you... but I think you'll agree that this matter is urgent, (stops next to Trick) also... delicate. Trick: I'm a very delicate person. Mayor Wilkins: So you feel you can handle this? Trick: (inhales) It's a little out of my element, but I can get you what you need. I know a beast who knows a guy. Mayor Wilkins: (heads over to a wall cabinet) Are you sure that subcontracting is the way to go here? Trick: Well, this guy's worked your town before, and if he lives up to his rep, (smiles) this place'll be in flames. Mayor Wilkins: I've made certain deals to get where I am today. This demon requires his tribute. (unlocks the cabinet) You see, that's what separates me from other politicians, Mr. Trick. He opens the cabinet. The shelves are full of occult paraphernalia: skulls, a fetus preserved in a bottle, various urns and chests, a shrunken head, the bones of a forearm and hand, and various tools of the trade. Trick looks uneasily at all of it from his vantage point by the Mayor's desk. Mayor Wilkins: I *keep* my campaign promises. He reaches in and takes out the shrunken head. He pulls on the tuft of hair at the top, and a small section of the head pulls open and folds back on the leathery skin. The Mayor takes a quick sniff from the hole and closes the flap of skull and skin again. Mayor Wilkins: Where'd I put that Scotch? (looks around) Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The quad at Sunnydale High. Buffy, Willow and Oz appear at the top of the outside stairs and start down. Buffy: And then I was being chased by an improperly filled-in answer bubble screaming, 'none of the above!' Willow: Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams. (gets a look from Buffy) Probably not. Oz: Hey, you know, I took it last year. I could help you get ready. There's this whole trick to antonyms, but... this isn't the place. Willow: Oz is the highest-scoring person ever to fail to graduate. They reach the bottom of the stairs and continue to walk along the colonnade. Buffy: Isn't she cute when she's proud? Oz: She's always cute. Cordelia and Xander come out through the breezeway and walk behind them. Willow: We could work on it tonight. Xander: Work on what tonight? Cordelia: Oh, God. Are we k*lling something again? Buffy: Only my carefree spirit. Oz: Buffy SAT prep. Willow: Oz is helping. (smiling proudly) He's the highest-scoring... Cordelia: (interrupts) We know. We did the impressed thing already. Willow frowns. Xander: I hate they make us take that thing. It's totally fascist, and personally, I think it, uh, discriminates against the uninformed. Cordelia: Actually, I'm looking forward to it. I do well on standardized tests. She gets looks from everyone. Cordelia: What? I can't have layers? Cut to the hall doors near the cafeteria. The group enters. Willow: So, Buff, study tonight? Buffy: Uh, yes on the studying, no on tonight. I'm putting in Mom time. She's been drastic ever since I got back. And Giles is even worse. I'm supervised 24-7. They turn into the cafeteria. Buffy: It's like being in the Real World house, only real. Willow: Hmm. They see a table piled up with boxes of Milkbar fund-raiser chocolate bars. Other students are each taking a box as Snyder checks their names off on his clipboard. Willow: Ooh, candy bars! Lots of 'em! Snyder holds out a box. Xander: Principal Snyder, thank you! (takes the box) You weren't visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, by any chance? Snyder: It's band candy. Buffy: Let's hear it for the band, huh? Very generous. Snyder: You will sell it to raise money for the marching band. They need new uniforms. Xander: Yeah. Those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap, huh? Oz: But they go with everything. Willow smiles at that. Buffy: I'm sure we love the idea of going all Willy Loman, but we're not in the band. Snyder: And if I'd handed you a trombone, that would've been a problem, Summers. (holds out a box) It's candy. (she takes it) Sell it. He walks off leaving them all staring at their boxes. Cut to the kitchen at Buffy's house. She and her mother are eating Chinese food for dinner at the island. Joyce: But you're not in the band. Buffy: And yet. Joyce: Buffy, what would I do with forty chocolate bars? Buffy: You could hand them out at the Gallery. 'Buy something Pre- Columbian, get a free cavity.' Her mother considers, and decides it can't hurt to at least help. Joyce: Twenty. She hands her daughter back the box. Buffy: You're a good mom. (sets down the box) Joyce: I'm the best. Buffy: (picks up her glass) No, I'm pretty sure the best moms let their daughters drive. She takes a sip of her water, eyeing her mother hopefully. Joyce: And yet. Buffy: (sets down her glass) Oh, come on! Joyce: (gets up) Look, let's not have this conversation. (goes to the fridge) Buffy: But I took the class. I watched the filmstrips with the blood and the death and the corpses. I'm prepped. Joyce: (opens the fridge) Honey, (grabs the water jug) you failed the written test. (pours herself more) They wouldn't even let you *take* the road test. (puts the water back) Buffy: That was a year ago. And I don't test well... she said, two days before the SATs. Joyce: (comes back to her seat) I spend enough time not knowing where you are. (sits) I don't wanna add to that the possibility that you're on the highway to Chicago. (takes a drink) Buffy: (dumbfounded) I can't believe you. I'm *not* taking off again. (shrugs) Besides, if I wanted to, I could just get on a bus. Joyce: Stop. (inhales) Don't. (exhales and looks at Buffy intensely) I just don't want you driving, okay? I want you here. Buffy: (widens her eyes) I'm here. Hmm? (picks up her egg roll) See me here. (takes a bite) Mm-hm? Joyce nods and turns back to her plate. Buffy: (with her mouth full) Mm... I gotta go. (gets up and grabs her box of candy bars) Joyce: What, you're going out? Buffy: (turns back at the door) Giles. Slay-study double feature. Could be late. Joyce: Again? Honey, don't you think Mr. Giles is monopolizing an awful lot of your time? Buffy: And does he ever say he's sorry? Cut to the library. Giles is tying a blindfold tightly around Buffy's head. Buffy: Ow! Giles: Sorry. Buffy: Why do I put up with this? Giles: Because it is your destiny... (walks around her) and because I just bought twenty 'cocorific' candy bars. (hands her a large rubber ball) Buffy: Okay, you're just doing this to take funny pictures of me. Giles: (walks around her) I'm doing it to test your awareness of an opponent's location during a fight in total darkness. Now, wait five seconds and then throw the ball at me. He silently backtracks and takes several steps away from her toward the cage. Buffy: You ran out of new training ideas about a week ago, huh? Okay. Five, four, three, two, one. She turns around and faces the door to Giles' office. He smiles, thinking she's completely clueless as to where he is. Buffy throws the ball. It hits the wall high above the checkout counter and bounces off. Giles: It's not that simple, is it... The ball bumps him in the side of the head. Giles: Ow. Ahem. Yes, well, very good. Buffy: (takes off the blindfold) Thanks! (heads out of the library) Giles: W-w-w-where are you going? We have to patrol! Buffy: (stops and faces him) I can't. Mom's in hyperdrive. She wants me home tonight. I told you. (starts out again) Giles: But, I... Buffy: (stops by the door) I know, I know. She's out of control. Enjoy the candy! (leaves) Giles looks at the swinging library door for a moment, considering her odd behavior. Cut to Angel's mansion. Cut inside. The door to the atrium is open. The camera slowly tracks toward it. Soon a shirtless Angel is in view, practicing the slow, elegant forms of T'ai Chi. He brings his arms down together in front of him and then over to his right. As he brings his left arm up across his abdomen, he crosses his right arm over his left. His motions remains fluid as he slowly moves his left arm out in front of him, palm up, and extends his right arm out to his side. He draws his arms together again, this time crossing his left arm over his right and repeats a mirror image of his last move. Never stopping his motion, he brings both hands to his waist, palms facing forward, and slowly raises his right arm and sweeps it across in front of himself, palm down, while he sweeps his left arm across below his right, palm up. Buffy walks into the doorway and stops just to watch him, amazed at the fluidity and smoothness of his motions. Angel doesn't notice her, and continues the exercises. He has his arms extended, his left hand angled up sharply from his forearm, and his right hand clasping the heel of his left. He brings them around in a broad sweeping motion toward Buffy and then raises them, separates them and spreads them apart with his palms facing away from him. He raises his head as he does so and sees Buffy standing there watching him. Angel: Buffy. She looks down briefly, slightly embarrassed to be caught watching him like that, and then looks up at him again with a little smile on her lips. Buffy: I didn't know you could do that. He gives her the briefest glimpse of a small smile as he tries to straighten himself up from his slightly bent stance. Angel: I-I'm feeling better. He can't maintain his posture, and bends back over, supporting himself with his right hand on his knee. Buffy rushes to his aid. Buffy: Angel... She gets under his left arm and helps him stand up straight. Buffy: Let's... get you inside. They slowly make their way back into the mansion. Cut inside. There is a warm f*re going in the fireplace. Buffy picks up a small paper bag as they go past the coffee table in front of it. Angel: It's late. How'd you get away? Buffy: Aw, it was easy. Started a f*re in the prison laundry room. Rode out in the garbage truck. They stop and let go. Angel faces Buffy, not sure what to make of that. Angel: Oh. He sits on the edge of the couch. Buffy: I'm joking. (raises her right hand and waves it) No garbage. Smell me. She steps closer to him, but stops. Angel just looks up at her. She lowers her arm and sighs. She puts the bag down next to him and steps over to an adjacent couch set at a right angle to his, and sits also, but very stiffly. Angel leans back on his cushions. Angel: How is, uh... Scott? Buffy: Scott? (smiles weakly and looks down) Oh, um... boyfriend Scott. Uh... (inhales deeply) A-actually, he's not... (looks up at him) He's fine. (exhales and nods) Angel gives her a little nod. Buffy indicates the bag she left next to him. Buffy: Uh, that's for you. Angel reaches for it. Buffy: Uh... I-it's fresh from the butcher. Angel: Thanks. He reaches in and takes out a quart-sized plastic tub of blood. He gives it a brief look, then slips it back into the bag and sets it aside. Buffy looks away shyly, knowing he doesn't want to eat in front of her. Angel: You're being careful, right? Buffy: (looks up surprised) With Scott? Angel: The slaying. Buffy: Oh. (smiles and exhales) Uh... Yeah. Of course. (nodding a lot) Full of carefulness. Angel: (looks down) I worry about you. (looks at her) Buffy: (pauses briefly) I worry about *you*. He stares down again for a moment, stroking the cushions. Angel: I'm getting stronger. Buffy: (gives him a little smile) Yeah, pretty soon, you won't even need me. Angel: (nods a little) That'll be better. Buffy: (unsure how to take that) Yeah. They continue to sit in silence. Cut to Buffy's house. She opens the front door and comes in. She swings it closed behind her and sets her books down on the table by the coat rack. She turns around and is startled by her mother standing by the stairs and looking at her unusually calmly while rubbing her fingers over a chocolate bar in her hands. Buffy: Hey! (thinks fast) Uh, sorry I'm late. You know Giles. All slay, all the time. Giles steps into view from the dining room with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face. Giles: Hello, Buffy. Buffy: (gestures into the living room) Do you guys wanna watch some television? I hear there's a very insightful Nightline on. Joyce: Buffy, you lied to us. And you made us into your alibis. That's... playing us against each other, and that's not fair. Giles: I called Willow. (Buffy is at a loss) You also lied to her about your whereabouts. We were all concerned. Joyce unwraps her chocolate bar and holds it out to Giles to take a piece. Giles: Oh, thank you. (breaks off a piece) Buffy: Look, I'm sorry, but I had to... She turns around and walks into the living room. Joyce follows her, and Giles also a few paces behind. Joyce: Were you at the Bronze? What was happening there that was so important? Buffy stops, lets out an exasperated sigh and turns to face her mother. Buffy: (gestures and shrugs) Bronze things. Things of Bronze. Joyce chews on a piece of her chocolate bar. Joyce: (condescendingly) You're acting really immature, Buffy. Giles: (also chewing) I know I'm not your parent, but I am responsible for you. I think your mum's right. (sits on a couch armrest) Buffy: Okay, fine. I'm acting like a child. Maybe that's because you're both treating me like a child. Joyce: (sounding hurt) Buffy! Buffy: You're both scheduling me twenty-four hours a day. Between the two of you, that's forty-eight hours. (Giles takes off his glasses) I just wanna be able to make a few decisions on my own. Joyce: The last time you made a decision on your own, you split. (pops another piece of candy) Buffy: Yeah, and I took care of myself. I don't need this much active parenting. Joyce: (incredulous) You can't really be trying to use this summer as a reason you should be trusted. (eats another piece) Buffy: You can't babysit me all the time. I need you to back off a little. Giles: (holds up his hand) Uh, alright, come on. Let's, let's not, uh, freak out. Buffy: (taken aback) 'Freak out'? Giles: Mm-hm. (stands up) Uh, I think you should go to bed. (puts his glasses back on) Um, we're all tired. Buffy just looks at the two of them as though they're crazy. She faces away for a moment and then walks off to her room. Her mother watches her go, shaking her head. Joyce: Oh, she just drives me crazy! She sighs and crumbles up the end of the candy wrapper and drops it onto the coffee table. Giles scratches his head and steps back over to the couch to sit. Joyce goes to join him. Joyce: I just want to protect her. They both sit down. The camera lowers its angle. Giles: Don't all parents want that? He reaches into his jacket pocket to pull out a candy bar of his own. There is an entire box of them on the coffee table next to various picture books. He starts to unwrap his bar. Joyce: Yeah, but at least most parents have some idea what to protect their children from. Giles: Yeah. And I think we should both be especially careful. He breaks off a piece, sticks it into his mouth and hands the rest to Joyce. Joyce: Mm. She takes a piece and munches on it. Giles reaches into the box on the table for yet another bar. Cut to the Milkbar factory, makers of "The Best Chocolate Bar", according to the box. A worker opens the top box of an as yet unsealed case and reaches in for a bar. He pulls back the outer wrapper, looks around to see if anyone is watching, and starts to peel back the foil when suddenly Ethan Rayne comes up behind him and puts his hand on his shoulder. Ethan: Trust me. (steps around the worker to face him) You don't want to eat that. Ethan walks off as the worker quickly puts the bar back into its box before it gets sealed for shipping. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Study hall in the science classroom. A boy throws a wad of paper at another. Boy: Think fast. The target boy almost manages to catch the paper, snags it as it's about to roll from the table and sets it aside. A moment later he takes it again and looks back at the boy who threw it, watching for an opening. The camera closes in on Cordelia and Buffy sitting at the table behind him. Cordelia: (sighs) I heard that there was a secret rule that if a teacher's more than ten minutes late, we can all leave. Buffy: (looks up from studying) It's Giles' turn to watch study hall. He'll be here. (looks back at her book) He's allergic to late. Cordelia: (sighs) He is wound a little tight. I had this philosophy book checked out from the library for, like, a year, and he made me pay the fine, even though it was huge. (Buffy gives her a look) I was sad to return it. (smiles) It was perfect for starting conversations with college boys. (lets out a little laugh) Of course, that was B.X. Buffy: B.X.? (gets a nod from Cordelia) Before Xander. Clever. They both go back to their studying. Willow and Xander are at the table behind them. Xander is busy munching on a chocolate bar. The books in front of him are closed. Xander: I like chocolate. (Willow looks at him) There is no bad here. Willow: You still have some left? (shrugs) I went to, like, four houses, and they were gone. It's like Trick-or-Treating in reverse. (smiles at him) Xander: I know. These things are selling like hot cakes... (they look at each other) which is ironic, 'cause the hot cakes really aren't moving... The camera descends below the lab table. Their knees are touching. They each dangle a leg from their stools and brush them against each other. Xander: And it's, uh, ahem, fun to sell chocolate. Ahem. Willow rubs her calf along Xander's shin. Cut back above. Willow: And we're raising a lot of money for the band. Xander looks back and forth between Willow and his chocolate bar a few times, then focuses on his candy. Willow plays with her pencil while looking at her book. Xander: The band. Yeah. They're great. They march. Cut below the table. They continue to rub their legs together. Willow: Like an army. (cut above) (very distracted) E-e-except with music instead of b*ll*ts, and... usually no one dies. Cut below. They rub their shoes against each other with their legs still crossed. Cut above. Cordelia suddenly turns to face them. Cordelia: I can't believe this. Cut below. Willow and Xander immediately whip their legs apart. Cut above. They both h*t opposite legs of the table and make it lurch with a loud thunk and pray that they haven't given themselves away. Cordelia: Where is Giles already? I'm bored, and he's not here to give me credit for it. Buffy looks over at the classroom door, suddenly concerned. Cut to the halls. Principal Snyder and Ms. Barton are walking toward the classroom. Snyder has a chocolate bar in his hands. Snyder: The big pinhead librarian didn't show up, and I don't wanna do it. (points at her with his candy bar) You do it. Ms. Barton: Alright, fine. I'll do it. She turns to go into the room and rolls her eyes. Snyder: (to himself) Everybody expects me to do everything around here because I'm the principal. (starts to walk) It's not fair. Cut into the science room. Ms. Barton comes in and claps her hands a few times to get the students' attention. Ms. Barton: Hey! We're all stuck here, okay? So now let's just sit quietly and, (indicates a book on the teacher's desk and smiles) and pretend we're reading something (Buffy is confused) until we're really sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here! (smiles widely) Xander: Does anyone else wanna marry Ms. Barton? Cordelia: Get in line. Willow: I guess Giles isn't coming? Buffy: (very concerned) I guess not. Cut to outside Giles' apartment. Buffy walks up to the door and stops. She peers in through the view port, sees Giles and goes in. Cut inside. Giles is crouched by a cabinet where he keeps his vinyl record collection, looking at an album. Buffy comes in and closes the door behind her. The sound gets Giles' attention, and he looks up. Giles: Buffy. He slips the record into the cabinet. The camera cuts behind him and slowly pans right past his couch where Joyce is sitting. Buffy: (walks in) Uh... sorry. I... I was just worried. You were a big not-there in study hall, and after your lecture to me on not ducking out... (confused) and what is my mother doing here? Giles steps over to Joyce. Giles: (with a mouth full of chocolate) We had an opportunity for, um, you might say, a summit meeting. It took priority over study hall. I called in. Buffy: (still confused) Oh. Joyce: We decided that you made a good point earlier, honey. She and Giles both nod. Buffy: I did. Yeah. (very confused now) Which was...? Joyce: A-about us overscheduling you. (looks to Giles for support) Giles: Pulling you in two directions, (sits on the coffee table) uh, your home life and your duties as a Slayer. Buffy: Oh. That was a good point. Joyce: We're working out a coordinated schedule for you. Giles: It'll be tight, but, uh, I think we can fit in all your responsibilities. (smiles) Buffy: (gives them an uncertain smile) Sounds nice and structured. Joyce: We've got more work to do here, honey. Why don't you give us a little more time? Giles gets up and walks over to the fireplace mantel to stare at a picture. Joyce reaches into her purse, pulls out her car keys and stands up. Joyce: Um... Take the car, and, um, Mr. Giles can drive me home. (holds out the keys) Buffy: (wide-eyed) What? (smiles and shakes her head) Excuse me, I meant what?! Joyce: Keys. Take them. Buffy: You don't have to tell *me* twice. Well, actually, you did, but... (snatches the keys) bye! (rushes out) Joyce: Bye, honey. Drive careful. Buffy: (opens the door) Uh-huh! She runs out the door without looking back, pulling it closed behind her. Joyce turns to face Giles. Joyce: Do you think she noticed anything? He turns to face her. A cigarette dangles from his lips. He lights his lighter. Giles: No way! He holds the flame to his cigarette. Joyce smiles and reaches down for a bottle that she had squirreled away under the end table. She twists off the cap. Giles closes his lighter and takes a drag. He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and takes a deep breath. Cut to a residential street later that night. Buffy and Willow are driving along in Joyce's Jeep. Willow: Tell me again how it happened. Buffy: Told my mom I wanted to be treated more like a grownup, and voila: (smiles) driviness. She takes a corner without slowing down, and skids around it. That shakes up Willow, and she begins to breathe nervously. Buffy: Also, I think she wanted me otherwhere. Considering my mom and Giles are planning my future, I think it's easier for them to live my life if I'm not actually there. Willow: (notices the parking brake) Do you know that you have the parking brake on? Buffy: Uh-huh. She releases the parking brake. The engine suddenly begins to rev much higher, and they accelerate. Willow: (nervously) Are, are you sure about the Bronze? I mean, the SATs are tomorrow. Buffy: I can study at the Bronze. (smiles) A little dancing, a little cross-multiplying. (smiles wickedly) You know what we need? She reaches over, turns on the radio and begins to turn the station dial. In the process she bends over too low to see over the dashboard. Willow: Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road! While changing stations, Buffy doesn't realize that she is pulling on the steering wheel, and the car makes a wide left turn, but fortunately onto another road, and so doesn't h*t anything. Cut to Giles apartment. He's lying on his back on the floor, coat and tie gone, shirt unbuttoned to reveal his undershirt, getting ready to light a pair of cigarettes as he grooves to the sound of Cream singing "Tales of Brave Ulysses" on vinyl playing on his record player. Joyce is sitting cross-legged in front of his record cabinet looking through his albums as she grooves also. Joyce: You got good albums. Giles: Yeah, they're okay. (lights the cigarettes) Lyrics: And the colors of the sea bind your eyes with trembling mermaids Joyce: Do you like Seals and Croft? Giles turns his head to give her a look. Lyrics: And you touch the distant beaches with tales of brave Ulysses Joyce: Yeah, me neither. Giles hands her one of the smokes. Lyrics: How his naked ears were tortured by the sirens sweetly singing Joyce: Thanks. (takes a drag) Lyrics: For the sparkling waves are calling you Joyce: So how come they, uh, call you Ripper? Lyrics: To kiss their white-laced lips Giles: (sits up) Wouldn't you like to know. The song goes into a guitar riff between verses. Giles: Hmm, wait a minute. Listen to this bit. He gets into it, smiling, bobbing his head and waving his cigarette to the b*at. Behind him Joyce takes another drag. Giles: It rocks! Lyrics: And you see a girl's brown body Joyce: It's good. Giles gets up and goes to look into the mirror above the record cabinet. Giles: Man, I gotta get a band together. He starts running his fingers through his hair. Lyrics: Dancing through the turquoise Joyce: (stands up) Hey, Ripper, you wanna watch TV? Lyrics: And her footprints make you follow where the sky loves the sea Joyce: (leans against the cabinet) I know how to order pay-per-view. Giles: (takes off his outer shirt) No, let's go out and have some fun. Lyrics: And when your fingers find her, she drowns you in her body Giles: Tear things up a bit. Joyce: Okay. We could go to the Bronze. Lyrics: Carving deep blue ripples in the tissues of your mind Giles: Not bloody likely. That place is d*ad. Cut to the Bronze. A guy has his head tilted back as the bartender pours orange juice and vodka directly into his mouth. His friends surround him and goad him on. There are unusual numbers of older people there. Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) is on the stage performing "Violent". The dance floor is very crowded with people of all ages. Even the older couples are dancing to the b*at of the band. On stage Devon dances around to the lead-in. Just before the song begins he leans over to Oz. Devon: Hey, they're diggin' us, man! Cut to Willow and Buffy coming into the Bronze. They look around at the unusual mix of people in the crowd. Lyrics: The strangest things / I've always known Oz sees Willow and smiles. Lyrics: It slays me every time Willow and Buffy give each other very amazed and concerned looks. Lyrics: Darkened fields / Have overgrown Willow and Buffy continue through the crowd. Buffy: Let's do the time warp again. Lyrics: You want to lay me out? Willow: Maybe there's a reunion in town or, or a Billy Joel tour or something. Lyrics: Tie me down? / Tie me Ms. Barton walks past the two girls. Buffy: Ms. Barton? Ms. Barton: (stops and faces her) Buffy? Whoa! Lyrics: Our love Willow: Are you okay, Ms. Barton? Lyrics: Covered in my blood Ms. Barton: (smiles widely) Oh, I'm cool, Willow. (realizes) Willow... That's a tree. (giggles) You're a tree! Willow and Buffy exchange a look. Lyrics: Is so violent Ms. Barton: (looks around) Yeah, uh, uh, are there any nachos in here, little tree? Lyrics: Our love Buffy: A-are you sure you don't need some fresh air, Ms. Barton? Ms. Barton: (laughs hysterically) Okay... (goes into the crowd) Lyrics: Covered in my blood Willow: Hey, this is not normal. Buffy gives her a look. Lyrics: Is so violent Willow: Uh, w-well, maybe that goes without saying. Snyder spots them from behind and comes up between them. Snyder: (smiling hugely) Hey, g*ng! (puts his arms around the girls' shoulders) This place is Fun City, huh? (laughs) Buffy: Principal Snyder? Lyrics: Shake this scene / another one Snyder: Call me Snyder. Just a last name, like... (trying to be cool) Barbarino. He lets go of the girls and pumps his arms and fists around wildly. Willow leans slightly away from him. Snyder: Ooh! I'm so stoked! Willow has no idea what to make of this. Snyder comes back down from his outburst and lets out a breath. Lyrics: It plays me every time Snyder: Hey, did you see Ms. Barton? I think she's wasted. Lyrics: We're not that green Snyder: I'm gonna have to put that in her next performance review 'cause... (smiles) 'cause I'm the principal! (laughs) Lyrics: We're overdone Snyder turns around and heads back into the crowd. Lyrics: You want to lay me out? Willow: (to Buffy) I don't like this. They could have heart att*cks. Lyrics: Tie me down? Buffy: Uh, well... ma-maybe there's a doctor here. An older, shirtless man jumps up onto the stage, pushes Devon away from the microphone stand and yells out into the crowd. Man: (yelling) Yeeeeaaaaaah! Willow: I think that *is* my doctor. The man jumps from the stage expecting to be caught by the crowd, but they don't react fast enough, and he slams into the floor. Willow and Buffy both cringe at the sight. Willow: He-he's usually less... topless. Snyder sticks his head between the girls. Snyder: I got a commendation for being principal. (impressed with himself) From the Mayor! (gestures) Shook my hand twice. Buffy: That's nice. Snyder nods and inhales deeply. Two attractive women walk past them with drinks. Snyder makes eyes at them. Snyder: Whoa! There are some foxy ladies here tonight! He heads off after them. Buffy and Willow walk in the other direction. Willow: What's happening? Buffy: I don't know, but it's happening to a whole lot of grownups. They stop by the stairs. Willow looks around at the crowd. Willow: They're acting like a bunch... Buffy: They're acting like a bunch of us. Lyrics: Our love Willow: (confused) I don't act like this. Lyrics: Covered in my blood Cut to the Milkbar factory. Boxes of chocolate bars keep rolling off of the line. Trick and Ethan walk through the shipping area. Trick: Demand's high. Ethan: I thought it might be. Trick: That's the reason I love this country. You make a good product, and the people will come to you. Of course, a lot of them are gonna die, but that's the other reason I love this country. They stop walking, and Trick steps over to the man inspecting the boxes before they get sealed. Trick: Hey! Don't sample the product. Man: But I didn't. Trick grabs him by the overalls, pulls him into a headlock and jerks his head around, breaking his neck and throwing him to the floor. Ethan looks away in distaste. Trick straightens his jacket and checks his pinky ring. They continue to walk. Ethan: Okay. Uh, how did you know he was... Trick: I don't. Now I know no one else will. (checks his watch) We're getting close. (to a line worker) Keep it flowing. (to Ethan) It's almost feeding time. He walks off leaving Ethan standing there staring after him. After a moment Ethan heads back the way they came. Cut to the Bronze. The Dingoes are between sets, and Oz has joined Willow and Buffy. They all observe the crowd. "Slip Jimmy", by Every Bit of Nothing, plays in the background. Buffy: Something's definitely changing them. Willow: A spell? Oz: They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh? Snyder walks by, sees Oz and stops. Snyder: You've got great hair. He walks around Oz, smiling and staring at his hair. Suddenly the music stops and a group of older men start singing "Louie Louie" up on the stage. They are off key, out of sync and basically just plain terrible, but the crowd dances to them anyway. Old men: Louie Louie / Oh, baby / We gotta go / Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah / Louie Louie / Oh, baby / We gotta go / Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah An old nerd walks by as Buffy and Oz stare. Willow: It just gets more upsetting. Several older couples on the dance floor kiss passionately. Old men: Louie Louie / Oh, baby / We gotta go / Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Buffy: No vampire has ever been (points at the stage) *that* scary. Old men: Louie Louie / Oh baby / We gotta go Behind them a man staggers through the crowd, drunk and munching on a chocolate bar. He bumps into another man. They face each other and begin to pick a fight. Patron: Fight! Snyder turns to face the group, smiling and nodding his head vigorously. Snyder: Fight! Willow lets out a helpless sigh. Buffy starts to head out. Buffy: We've gotta figure out what's going on. This has Hellmouth fingerprints all over it. Willow and Oz follow her. She stops by a pinball machine where she sees a woman hold out a candy bar to her boyfriend. He takes a huge bite while he keeps playing the game. Their pause gives Snyder a chance to catch up after noticing they are leaving. Snyder: Hey, where are we going? The four of them leave the club. Cut outside. The three teenagers rush out and head for Joyce's car. Snyder is still inside. Snyder: Wait up, you guys! He comes out the door. Snyder: Hey! You guys aren't trying to ditch me, are ya? Buffy, Willow and Oz get into the Jeep. Snyder follows them. Oz: We should find Giles. He'll know what's going on, right? Snyder runs up to the passenger side of the car, and seeing the places are taken, he goes around to the driver's side. Buffy: Sure. Except for all we know, he's sweet sixteen again. (pulls on her seat belt) Willow: He's with your mom at his place. Buffy starts the car. Snyder opens the door behind her and gets in. Snyder: I said, wait up! (slams the door) Oz: Uh, Snyder... Buffy: No time. He's coming with us. She puts the car in gear and slams on the gas, burning some rubber in her hurry to get going. Snyder: Whoa, Summers! You drive like a spaz! Cut to a residential street. Two father types, one in his Volvo, the other in his Hyundai, are g*n their engines and munching on chocolate while waiting for the light to turn green. They look over at each other and nod and smile in anticipation of their race. They both take big bites out of their bars. A moment later the light turns, and they're off, tires screeching loudly as they race across the intersection and down the street. Cut to a playground in a park. The mailman is sitting on the carousel reading other people's mail. He laughs while he reads, then opens another one. Behind him couples are necking and chasing each other around. Near the jungle gym a couple of guys toss a Frisbee around. Cut to a street. Buffy and company come driving along at a fast clip. Cut inside the car. Willow: It'll be okay when we get to Giles'. Oz: Of course, I mean, even if he's sixteen, he's still Giles, right? He's probably a pretty together guy. Willow: (worried) Yeah, well... Oz: What? Buffy: Giles at sixteen? Less Together Guy, more Bad-Magic-Hates-The- World-Ticking-Time-b*mb Guy. Oz: Well, then I guess your mom's in a lotta trouble. Snyder raises his eyebrows and nods. Cut to the shopping district. Giles and Joyce walk along with their arms around each other. Joyce: Must be exciting being from England. (chews her gum) Giles: Not particularly. (kicks a can) You cold? (takes a puff of his cigarette) Joyce: Nah-uh. I feel... special, like I'm just waking up, kinda. Giles: Oh, yeah? Joyce: Yeah, like, uh, getting married and having a kid and everything was just a dream, and now things are back like they're supposed to be. Giles: Yeah? They walk past a boutique with some retro clothes on display in the window, and stop to look. Joyce spies a feathered wrap. Joyce: That's cool! (nods, smiles, chews) Very Juice Newton. Giles: (checks his hair in the reflection) You fancy it? Joyce: Yeah, but the store's closed. Giles takes a final drag from his cigarette, then tosses it aside. He grabs a trashcan and idly swings it toward the store's display window. Joyce quickly steps away. The glass shatters and falls everywhere when the can hits, and an alarm goes off. Joyce smiles widely and giggles hysterically while Giles climbs in and takes the wrap off of the mannequin. He grabs the hat from the mannequin as well and sets it on his head. Joyce looks around to see if anyone is coming. Giles comes back out and hops down to the sidewalk from the window opening. Giles: Woo-hoo! Joyce: Oh, Ripper! Wow, that was sooo brave! He helps her on with the wrap. Suddenly a policeman appears behind them and aims his g*n at them. Officer: Hold it! Giles and Joyce freeze. Cut to an intersection. The camera starts high, showing that the light is green, and pans down to the g*ng driving along. Cut inside the car. Snyder: This is great! Let's do doughnuts in the football field, huh? They head into the intersection. Another Jeep comes in the other direction. The driver is too busy trying to get a chocolate bar unwrapped to realize that his light is red. Willow: Oh, my God, look out! They all tense up for the impact. The other Jeep hits them hard on the left rear door and back panel, making them spin around a quarter turn. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The street in front of the boutique. The police officer has his Beretta 9mm aimed at Giles, who lets go of Joyce to face him. Joyce backs away slowly. Giles takes the hat from his head and tosses it aside. He steps toward the officer and waves his arms around, taunting him. Giles: Ooo... Copper's got a g*n! He jumps around a bit, taunting the officer some more. Giles: You'll never use it, though, man. Officer: Will so. Giles spies a candy bar in the officer's front jacket pocket. Joyce: Ripper, be careful! This distracts the officer, and Giles bats his g*n-holding hand aside, grabs it and holds onto it as he head-butts the older man in the forehead and knees him in the crotch and again in the gut. The cop doubles over in pain. Giles twists the officer's arm up above his head and takes the Beretta from him, and then knees him in the face. The cop falls over unconscious. Giles sticks the g*n into the back of his pants. Giles: Told him he'd never use it. (smiles) He sashays coolly over to Joyce as she leans against the police car. Joyce: You are sooo cool. (laughs) You're like Burt Reynolds. In a flash Giles has one hand around her neck and the other around her back. She startles and gasps, but doesn't struggle. Instead she takes the gum out of her mouth and they kiss passionately. Giles leans her back over the hood of the car. The camera follows her down and continues until it comes to rest on the emblem of the Sunnydale Police Department on the side of the car. Cut to Buffy's accident site. The two Jeeps are stopped side by side facing in opposite directions. The driver of the other Jeep quickly gets out. Man: Sorry! Gotta go! He runs off laughing as Buffy and the others get out of her mother's car. Her first instinct is to chase the man, but she lets him go and looks at the dent in the car. Buffy: Oh, God. She closes her door. Snyder swings his door closed as well, but it won't shut properly anymore. Buffy: Are you guys okay? Snyder nods as he also looks at the dents. Willow and Oz walk around the car. Willow: Is anybody else all creeped out and trembly? Off to the side they see three men sitting in the playground, laughing and smoking. Snyder: Oh, Buffy... (rubs his shoulder) Your mom's gonna k*ll you. Buffy looks at the other side of the street and sees five guys hanging out by a tree. Buffy: Something's weird. Oz: Something's not? Buffy: No grownups. Two women strut past the men by the tree, munching on chocolate. The guys give them catcalls. Snyder starts to unwrap a bar of his own. Buffy: No one's protecting their houses. Everyone's just... wandering. A man runs up behind Snyder, grabs his chocolate bar and runs off with it. Snyder: Hey! Willow and Oz stare at the man as he runs away. Snyder: Hey, give it! (goes after the man) Willow: Defenseless. Buffy: So where are all the vampires? They all consider this strange dilemma. Buffy: Soup's on, but no one's grabbing a spoon. Oz: Something's happening... someplace that's else. Buffy: I'd say something big. Snyder: (returns upset) That guy took my candy! Buffy suddenly gets it, and gives Willow and Oz an astonished look. Buffy: The candy. I-it's gotta be the candy! It's cursed. Willow and Oz exchange a look. Snyder: (worried) A curse?! Oh, I've got a curse. Willow: God, using candy for evil! Oz: My parents ate a ton. Buffy looks at Snyder and jumps at him, pushing him up against the other Jeep. Buffy: Who's behind it? Snyder: (confused) I don't know. It came through the school board. (shakes his head) If you knew that crowd... Buffy: (losing her patience) Where did it come from? Do you know where to get it? Snyder: Yeah. Buffy: (to Willow and Oz) You guys get Xander and Cordelia. Go to the library and look it up. Oz: Candy curses? Willow: Disturbing second childhood. Got it. She takes Oz's hand, and they start on their way. Buffy: (to Snyder) Ratboy and I are going to the source. She shoves him toward the car. Cut to the loading dock behind the Milkbar factory. Two men have cases of chocolate open and are throwing them out into a crowd. The camera pans over the crowd, which is getting larger and rowdier by the minute, past Giles and Joyce, who are into some serious snogging, and comes to rest on Joyce's Jeep as Buffy pulls it to a screeching halt. She and Snyder get out and march over to the crowd. Just as she passes her mother and Watcher, Buffy stops in her tracks. She turns to face them. Buffy: Mom? Giles?! Giles: (not skipping a b*at) Go away. We're busy. Buffy: Mom! She pulls her mother away from her Watcher. Joyce: Hey! Buffy: (shocked) Where did you get that coat? Never mind. Listen... Giles grabs her arm and turns her to face him. Giles: Back off! Buffy: Giles, think about this. You wanna fight me, or you wanna let me talk to my mother? Giles realizes he wouldn't have a chance against her and backs down, yanking his hand from her and up to the side of his face, where he grabs a cigarette from behind his ear. Buffy turns back to her mother as Giles puts the cigarette into his mouth and reaches into his pocket for his lighter. Buffy: Mom, look at me. Do you know who I am? Giles lights his smoke. Joyce: (smiles) Of course. You're Buffy. (looks over at the crowd) Hey, look. They're, they're giving away candy. You want some candy? Buffy: No, I don't! And you don't need any more, either. Joyce: (very annoyed) I'm fine. I can have more if I want. Buffy: You are *not* fine. You need to go home. Joyce: (angry now) Screw you. I want candy! Buffy: Mom! Joyce: You wanna slay stuff, and *I'm* not allowed to do anything about it. Well, this is what *I* wanna do, so get off my back! Buffy: Mom, please, this is... Giles: (reaches for Joyce) Oh, for God's sake. (pulls her away) Just let your mum have the sodding candy. C'mon, Joyce... Buffy holds her mother back and points at her black Jeep Cherokee. Buffy: Mom, look at your car. Look at that dent the size of New Brunswick. I did that. Joyce can't believe her eyes. Behind her Giles takes a drag on his cigarette. Joyce: Oh, my God. (grossed out) What was I thinking when I bought the *Geek* Machine? Giles busts up laughing. Buffy can't believe her response. She gives up and steps over to Giles. Buffy: Listen to me. You need... Giles: (interrupts) No, you listen to me. (points at her) I'm your Watcher, so you do what I tell you. (points at the Jeep) Now, sod off! Buffy grabs the cigarette from his mouth, throws it down and stomps it out. Buffy: (sternly) Take her home. She heads for the crowd. Giles grabs Joyce's hand and starts after her. Giles: Joyce... Buffy pushes her way through the crowd toward the loading dock. She steps up on a crate and dispatches one of the men tossing candy to the crowd by punching him in the back of the knee. He crumples and falls off of the end of the dock. Buffy log rolls onto the platform and flips up to her feet. The other man throws away the box of candy bars he just grabbed, and Buffy ducks, thinking that it's being thrown at her. The man tries to punch her, but she punches him in the side and then backhand punches him in the face, following up with two more punches to the gut and the face. She ducks his attempt at a punch and roundhouse kicks him in the back, knocking him into the factory wall. She grabs onto his shirt, spins halfway around and launches him off of the dock and into the air towards another wall. He hits it hard and slides to the pavement. She sees Giles and her mother at the base of the dock stuffing chocolate bars into their pockets, and goes over to them. Buffy: Mom! She grabs her by the arms and pulls her up. Joyce: Hey! Giles: (looks up) Oy! You leave her alone! Buffy kicks in the door to the factory as Giles hops up onto the dock. He follows Buffy and Joyce into the building. In the crowd Snyder sees them go. Snyder: Hey, Brit-face! Wait up! He scrambles to join them. Cut inside. Buffy pulls her mother into the shipping area and lets go of her. Buffy: Stay. The place is piled to the ceiling with cases of Milkbars. Buffy looks around to see what she can find. Across the room from the conveyor where the boxes are sealed, she sees a man on a phone, listening. He's there alone. Giles and Snyder come into the shipping area behind her. Snyder: It smells so chocolatey. Buffy approaches the man on the phone. Giles: This is far out. The man starts talking into the phone. Ethan: Yeah, I've been out there. Town's wide open. You guys can go anytime. Buffy immediately recognizes the voice and crosses her arms as she closes the distance between them. Buffy: Ethan Rayne. He turns to face her, and his eyes go wide with surprise. Upon hearing the name, Giles approaches him also. Joyce is close behind. Together the three of them make an imposing sight. Ethan: (into the phone, nervously) Might wanna hurry. Giles: Ethan. Ethan: Ripper. He wastes no time breaking into a fast run. Buffy and Giles give immediate chase. Ethan runs under the inclined end of the conveyor and pulls a rack behind him to block their way, but the two of them just jump over the low end of it instead and continue the chase. Cut to the library. Oz and Xander are up in the stacks researching while Cordelia and Willow sit at the table looking through the more promising volumes. Cordelia: At first it was fun, you know? They seemed like they were in this really good mood--not like parents--and then... Willow: Badness? Cordelia: Mom started borrowing my clothes. There should be an age limit on lycra pants. And Dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire. Xander comes down to the table with a couple more books. Xander: I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton, and I don't feel any dif... He gets looks from the girls. Xander: Never mind. He holds the two books out for Willow to choose. Willow: I'll take that one. She takes hold of a book, but her thumb ends up on Xander's, and they both feel the electricity between them as they allow the touch to linger longer than it needs to. They look at and then away from each other. Willow finally pulls the book from Xander's hand, and he heads back up the stairs with the other one. Cordelia stares into her book while Willow follows Xander with her gaze. Cordelia: You wanna swap? Willow: (startled) What? (confused) Swap? Cordelia: You wanna swap? This book is really thick, (trades with Willow) and I'm not sure it's in English. Willow goes back to her research, relieved that Cordelia didn't mean boyfriends. Cut to the Milkbar factory. Ethan runs through the maze of cases of candy bars. He reaches the end of an aisle and turns left. Buffy and Giles rush to keep up. They make several twists and turns, and finally Buffy comes around a corner to discover that she's lost him. Behind her Giles stops running, too, and breathes heavily to catch his breath. Giles: Where... Bloody Hell! Buffy: That's what smoking will do to you. Now be quiet. Giles: Well... Where'd the bastard go? Buffy: (annoyed) Shh! She looks around and listens carefully. She goes around a corner and stops. Giles: What? Buffy pretends to go on, but then suddenly does a half-spinning hook kick into a crate. She yanks away a chunk of wood, reaches in and pulls Ethan's head out. Buffy: Look. A box full of farm-fresh chicken. Ethan gives her a nervous smile, but it quickly fades. Cut to Snyder and Joyce sitting on the conveyor. They are both munching on chocolate bars. Joyce: Do you suppose they're okay? Snyder: (chewing) Mm-hm. (keeps chewing) So... (chews) are you two kinda... (smacks his lips) like, um... (looks at her knees) goin' steady? Joyce rolls her eyes, sighs and hops down from the conveyor to get away from him. Snyder watches her go, sticks another piece of chocolate into his mouth and lets out a deep sigh. Cut to Buffy confronting Ethan. Buffy: So, Ethan, what are we playing? We're pretty much in a talk-or- bleed situation. Your call. Giles: h*t him. Buffy glares at him for an instant, then looks back at Ethan. Ethan: I-I'd just like to point out that this wasn't my idea. Giles paces behind Buffy. Buffy: Meaning...? Ethan: I'm subcontracting. It's Trick you want. I'm just helping him collect a tribute... for a demon. Giles: He's lying. h*t him! Buffy: I don't think he is, and shut up. Giles: (excitedly) You're *my* Slayer, (points at Ethan) go knock his teeth down his thr... Buffy: (interrupts) Giles! He turns away from her and continues pacing. Buffy: (to Ethan) What demon? Ethan: I don't remember. Buffy punches him solidly in the nose. He stumbles back against the broken crate. Giles jumps and swings his fist through the air. Giles: (smiles) Yes! Buffy gives Giles a glaring look. He loses his smile. Ethan: Lurconis. Demon named Lurconis. They wanted a way to get the tribute away from people. Buffy: So you're just Diversion Guy? Ethan: More than a diversion. Well, they said the tribute was big, so big that people would never let them take it. That people had to be out- of-it. And later on, when the candy wore off, they'd blame themselves. Buffy: (sighs) Hence, land of the irresponsible. So, where's Trick? Ethan: I don't know exactly. Giles: h*t him again. Buffy holds up her fist and gives Ethan a thr*at look. Ethan: (wards her off with his hand) No! I-I-I really don't know. Delivering the tribute. Buffy: (steps closer) Which brings us to the bonus question, and believe me when I say a wrong answer will cost you *all* your points. Behind her Giles leaps up joyously with a huge smile on his face, anticipating a good fight. Buffy: What's the tribute? Cut to the maternity ward at Sunnydale General Hospital. The phones are ringing off the hook and all of the circuits on the switchboard at the nurse's station are flashing. The nurse just ignores it all and watches her small television. Four vampires boldly enter the hall and walk right past the nurse. She doesn't even notice them. They turn down another hall, very sure of where they are headed. They reach the room where the newborns are kept and walk straight in. Each of them carefully takes a crying baby from its crib. They walk out of the ward in single file, gently holding the babies in their arms. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Milkbar factory. Ethan is leaning against a table while Snyder crouches nearby, keeping an eye on him. Buffy is on the phone with Willow at the library. Buffy: Right. Lurconis. Willow: (cut to her) Lurconis. A demon. What's his deal? Buffy: See if it says anything about a tribute. Willow: A tribute? Like what? Buffy: (cut to her) I don't know. (looks at Ethan) My source is all tapped out. Snyder: (to Ethan) She whupped you good, huh? (throws two punches) Yah! Wah! (stands up proudly) I can do that. I took Tae Kwon Do at the Y. He goes into a series of kicks and punches, grunting with each one as he advances toward Joyce, trying to impress her. She just rolls her eyes, looks away and sighs, unimpressed. Snyder realizes it didn't work and leans against the wall. Joyce blows a bubble with her gum. Buffy: (into the phone) No, no. It's definitely a demon. A big one. Ethan spies a crowbar on the table, and being unguarded now, reaches for it and begins to advance toward Buffy. Giles notices his advance. He pulls back the hammer on his stolen Beretta and points it at Ethan's neck. Giles: I wouldn't. Ethan stops cold in his tracks. Buffy turns around and swings the telephone receiver hard into Ethan's chin. He spins down to the floor, dropping the crowbar. Giles aims the g*n at the back of Ethan's head, execution style. Buffy hands the phone to her mother. Buffy: Giles, give me the g*n. (holds out her hand) He just stares at Buffy and doesn't give in. Buffy: (stares back) Giles... He keeps the g*n aimed right where it is. Joyce talks into the phone. Buffy: (sternly insistent) Now. After another moment Giles reluctantly gives up his w*apon. Buffy stuffs it into the back of her pants. Joyce holds the phone out to Buffy. Joyce: Uh, it's, um, it's Willow. She wants you real bad. Buffy: (takes the phone) Uh-huh? Cut to the library. Oz points into a book that he's just brought over to Willow. Willow: (into the phone) Okay, Oz just found it. (reads) 'The tribute to Lurconis is made every thirty years.' (paraphrases) I-it's a ritual feeding. A-and this one's late, so it's probably, you know, a big meal. Oz points to another paragraph. Willow: Oh. (reads to herself) And... (digests the information and recoils) Oh. Lurconis eats babies. Cut to the factory. Buffy immediately hangs up and starts to go. Buffy: Come on. (takes her mother's hand) Joyce: Well, what about that man? Buffy turns to see Giles holding the crowbar over Ethan, who is still on the floor. Buffy: Uh, see if you guys can find something to tie him up with. Joyce: Um... She reaches behind her and pulls out a set of handcuffs, dangling them from her thumb and giving her daughter a sheepish but mischievous look. Buffy: *Never* tell me. She grabs the cuffs and heads over to Ethan. Joyce follows her with her gaze and smiles. Cut to Sunnydale General. Cut to the maternity ward. Buffy holds an identification wristband left behind in one of the empty cribs. The camera pans up from her hand to Joyce. Giles is outside the room talking with the nurse on duty. Nurse: (in the background) I didn't see anything. I don't *know* where they are. Joyce: (sad and worried) Something's gonna eat those babies? Nurse: (in the background) What can *I* do? Snyder: I think that is so wrong. (shakes his head) Nurse: (in the background) Get off my back about it! (stalks off shaking her head) Giles comes into the room. Giles: She says she never saw who took them. Dozy cow. Buffy: I *know* who took them. Giles: Well, then let's do something. Let's find the demon and, and... kick the crap out of it. Snyder: Is that what happens now? Buffy: Yeah, if we knew where they were. (paces) Giles suddenly remembers a passage from a book and quotes it. Giles: 'Lurconis dwells beneath the city, filth to filth.' Buffy: (stops pacing) What? Giles: Ooo! (faces her) I know this. (tries to remember more) Uh... I knew this. 'Lurconis' means... (thinks) 'glutton'. And we'll find it, um... (thinks, shrugs) in the sewers. Joyce: The sewers? (goes to Giles for a hug) Snyder: Uh, good. You go do that thing with the demon, and I'll stay here in case the babies, you know, uh... find their way back. Joyce: (lets go of Giles) (sadly) The babies must be so scared. Giles: (to Snyder) You filthy little ponce. (steps toward him and challenges) Are you afraid of a little demon? Snyder: If you want to splash around in the poo, (shoves Giles) you're the filthy one! Giles shoves him back. Buffy: (gets between them, very annoyed) Okay, you know what? Everybody just stop it! (to Snyder) Okay, listen to me. (to Giles) I need help, okay? Giles, I need grownups. Snyder and Giles continue trying to stare each other down. Buffy: These children are gonna die if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly. (gets Giles' attention) There is no room for mistakes. Besides which... you guys are just wigging me out. Snyder gives in and looks away. Giles gives him one last stare, and then steps back over to Joyce. Giles: Sorry. Joyce: We'll behave. The two of them hug again. Buffy: Good. (to Snyder) Snyder, go home. Snyder: I can do that. (leaves) Buffy: (turns to face Giles) Giles, we're going to the sewers. She sees him kiss her mother, and she cringes. Buffy: And don't do that! (stalks out of the room) They break off their kiss and reluctantly follow her. Cut to the sewers. The camera pans from a round storm drain tunnel into a large chamber lit by firelight from torches and candles. Mayor Wilkins is standing in the back to observe the ritual. He takes out his cell phone and dials his secretary. Trick is nearby watching the four vampires who stole the children as they chant in Latin. They are dressed in red robes, standing on the wide concrete rim of a small pool. One of them steps down with a shallow bowl of water taken from the pool and begins to anoint each of the babies with it. All but one of the babies are quiet. Trick: (to himself about Lurconis) Come on, big guy. They're not getting any fresher. The camera pans across the four babies. The Mayor's secretary finally answers her phone. Mayor Wilkins: Carol. Hi. Yeah. (looks around the sewer) Call Dave on the public works committee tomorrow about sewer maintenance and repair. I have some concerns regarding exposed gas pipes, infrastructure, ventilation. And, uh... cancel my 3:00. The last two babies are anointed. Suddenly Buffy drops down from above through a manhole. The Mayor turns his head to face her. Buffy: Hi. She moves to start her att*ck. Behind her Giles climbs down a few rungs of the ladder and drops down the rest of the way. The robed vampires quickly move to att*ck them. Mayor Wilkins makes a hasty retreat. The first vampire swings wildly at Buffy, but she ducks him, and his momentum carries him past her. She roundhouse kicks the second one and turns back to the first one and shoves him away from her. He smashes into the ladder. Turning back to the second one, Buffy delivers another roundhouse kick. The first one tries to kick her from behind, but she middle blocks him and roundhouse kicks him in the side. Giles and Joyce run over to the table with the babies and wheel it away. The Mayor makes his escape down the tunnels. The third vampire does a jumping roundhouse kick, which Buffy easily ducks. The second lunges at her, but she jumps into the air between them and lands behind them. The third one throws a punch at her, which she quickly middle blocks. The second one swings at her, and she ducks it and punches him in the face. She punches the third one in the face, does a half spin and hits the second one in the face with a backhand punch. He goes staggering backward into Trick. Buffy pulls out a stake. Giles and Joyce get the babies to a safe distance, where Giles leaves them and goes back to the fight. Trick shoves the second vampire off of him, who then goes stumbling toward Giles. Giles clumsily front snap kicks him in the face, and he goes flying right back into Trick. The first vampire tries to att*ck Buffy again, but she cleanly stakes him, and he bursts into ashes. She immediately takes a step to her side, back middle blocks the third one as he tries to grab her from behind and stakes him. He begins to fall to his knees and explodes into ashes. The second vampire is up again and ready to att*ck. Buffy side kicks him, and he flies backward onto the rim of the pool and back rolls into the water. Suddenly they all hear a deep rumbling. The vampire tries to get up out of the water. They keep listening to the rumbling as it gets louder. The vampire climbs onto a pedestal in the middle of the pool. Giles: What the hell's that? The vampire gets to his knees. Just then a huge demon snake appears through another tunnel by the water. It sees the vampire on the pedestal, engulfs him and retreats back into the tunnel. Buffy: Lurconis, I'm thinking. Trick: Ordinarily, I like other people to do my fighting for me, but I just gotta see what you got. Buffy: Just tell me when it hurts. She starts to advance on him, but Giles rushes past her and pushes her back. Buffy: Giles! No! He throws a solid left to Trick's face, but he isn't fazed. He grabs Giles by the shirt and throws him into the pool. Trick makes a dash for it. Giles starts to climb out of the water at the rim of the pool. The rumbling starts again, quicker this time. Buffy looks around frantically for a way to stop the demon. She spies a gas pipe above her, and leaps up to grab it. It breaks under her weight, and gas begins to hiss out of it. Giles is out of the water now and rolls over the rim of the pool and down to the floor. Buffy angles the gas pipe into one of the torches, and it bursts into flames. She aims it at Lurconis, and the snake demon rears back and screams in pain. Joyce watches in terror. Buffy waves the pipe around until Lurconis is engulfed in flames. She pushes the gas pipe aside as the demon retreats back into its tunnel, screaming. Above her Trick smiles down through the open manhole. Trick: You and me, girl. (Buffy spins to face him) There's hard times ahead. He gets up and makes himself scarce. Buffy: (exhales) They never just leave. Always gotta say something. Joyce comes out of the shadows and over to Buffy. Joyce: Can we go home now? Giles gets up, soaked to the skin. Buffy: Yeah, we can go home. I've got the SATs tomorrow. Joyce: Oh, blow them off. I'll write you a note. (goes back to the babies) Buffy: No. It's okay. (joins her mom) Joyce: Poor babies. Come on... Giles goes over to help as well. Cut to the Mayor's office. Trick is sitting while Mayor Wilkins paces behind him. Mayor Wilkins: And your friend? Trick: Paid him. The man did his job. No reason to burn that bridge. Mayor Wilkins: This didn't turn out the way I had planned. Trick: Where's the downside? You just got yourself one less demon you have to pay tribute to. The way I see it, I did you a favor. Mayor Wilkins: (smiles at Trick) I guess you did. He puts his hands on Trick's shoulders and leans in close to his ear. Mayor Wilkins: In the future... I'd be *very* careful how many favors you do for me. He lets go of Trick and steps away. Trick eyes him coldly. Cut to Sunnydale High the following Monday. The bell rings. Cut to the halls. Snyder comes walking along at a quick pace. Xander sees him coming. Xander: Hey, Snyder. Heard you had some fun Friday night. Have you come down yet? Behind him Cordelia smiles, but tries to hide it. Snyder: That's 'Principal Snyder'. Xander: And that's a big 'yep'. Snyder eyes Xander, Cordelia, Willow and Oz just standing there in the hall. Snyder: You look like four young people with too much time on your hands. Oz: Not really. Cordelia: Busy like a bee, actually. (smiles) Bee-like! Snyder: Good. It seems we had some vandalism Friday on school property, and I was just looking for some... volunteers to help clean it up. They all look at the bank of lockers just down the hall. Willow reads the words spray-painted in the typical lettering style of a rock band as Snyder walks through the group and closes Xander's locker. Willow: 'Kiss rocks'? Why would anyone want to kiss... (gets a look from Snyder) Oh, wait. I get it. Snyder: (nods and continues on) Let's get you some paint remover. The four of them reluctantly follow him. Cut to the front of the school. Giles and Buffy walk toward the street. Buffy: It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt... so alone. Giles: Was that the math or the verbal? Buffy: Mostly the math. Giles: Well, if you scored low, then you can take them again. Buffy: More SATs? (sighs) Is there really a point? I could die before I even apply to college. The brakes of Joyce's Jeep squeal as she pulls to a stop at the curb. Giles and Buffy take the steps down to the sidewalk. Giles: And then, you very possibly might not. Buffy: Well, let's just keep hope alive. Joyce gets out, closes her door and walks up onto the curb. Giles: Hello. (smiles awkwardly) Joyce: (shyly) Hi. Giles: (sees the dent) I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it? They all look at the severely dented rear door and back panel. Joyce: Uh, Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan. Buffy: Uh, hey, the way things were going, (points at the dent) be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually *did* something. She walks around to the passenger's side to get in. Giles and Joyce both look at the pavement, embarrassed and not willing even to go there, but knowing that they did. Joyce: Right. Giles: Indeed. Joyce: Y-yes. They both quickly pivot and head off in opposite directions.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x06 - Band Candy"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. People are coming and going. Cut inside. It's especially crowded tonight. Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) are on stage finishing the last song of their set, "Run". Lyrics: If I could walk out Oz looks out into the crowd, a smile for Willow on his face. She is sitting at a table with Xander and Cordelia. They have to share it with some other people, it's so crowded. Lyrics: You know I'd never lie The song ends with Oz's last chord understated and fading. The crowd begins to applaud and cheer as Devon takes his bows. Oz lifts his guitar from his shoulder, leans the instrument against the back wall of the stage and heads down the stairs at the side of the stage to join the g*ng at their table. Willow: (smiles) Oz! Hey! Have a seat... Except, we don't have any seats. Oz: It's okay. I'll just scrunch in. Willow nudges over a bit with her stool to make room for Oz at the table, and bumps into Xander. She gives him a nervous look. Xander hurriedly scoots over a bit as well, nudging up hard against Cordelia. Cordelia: Xander, why are you giving me a lap dance? Xander: (smiles weakly and strokes her arm) What? I just like you. Cordelia pulls her arm away from him and squirms around a bit to get comfortable again. Willow: (stammers, smiling nervously) And that's very beautiful. I think it's great when two people like two people and want to be close to them instead of anyone else. Oz smiles to himself, enjoying it as always whenever Willow does that cute stammering thing. Xander: (also nervous) Here, here! Oz: Yeah. Well put. (points at a cup) Hey, can I snag a sip? Willow: Sure. (reaches for her cup) Xander: (reaches also) Yeah, you got it. Their hands touch as they both reach for her cup. They look at each other in surprise and instantly jerk back their arms. In doing so they knock a tray of drinks out of the hand of the waitress standing behind them. Xander slips off of his stool and tries to catch them, but of course he's too late, and can only look down at the spilled drinks. Around him the crowd begins to applaud his graceful maneuver. He goes with the situation and raises his hands to the crowd in acknowledgment. Willow, however, is embarrassed. Xander: Thank you! (turns around) Thank you. (waves) Uh, we're here through Saturday. Enjoy the veal. (smiles) Willow is terribly embarrassed now and tries to hide her face. Xander gets back on his stool. Oz reaches for a cup on his own. Cordelia: Why are you guys so hyper? Oz takes a drink from Willow's cup. Willow: (nervously tries to cover) Hey! Speaking of people and things they do that aren't like usual, anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different? Oz grimaces at the drink and puts the cup back on the table. Xander: Let's see, uh, k*lling zombies... uh, torching sewer monsters, and... No, that's pretty much the, uh, (grins weakly) same old Buffster. Willow: (concerned) Well, I just mean, you know, she's off by herself a lot more, and she's kind of... distracted. Cordelia: (smiles) Think maybe she has a new honey? Willow: A boyfriend? Why wouldn't she tell us? Cordelia: Excuse me? When your last steady k*lled half the class, and then your rebound guy sends you a dump-o-gram? It makes a girl shy. Xander: But we're the best of Buffy's bestest buds. She'd tell us. Buffy: (arrives behind them) Tell you what? Willow: About your new boyfriend, who we made up. Unless we didn't? (gives her an inquiring look) Buffy: (raises her eyebrows) This was a topic of discussion? Oz: Well, raised, but never discussed. Cordelia: So, are you dating somebody or not? Buffy angles her eyes up and sways around a bit, considering what she should say. Buffy: I wouldn't use the word 'dating', (looks at them) but I am going out with somebody. Tonight, as a matter of fact. Willow: Really? Who? Faith puts her hand on Xander's shoulder and pulls him aside a little so she can squeeze in. Faith: Yo, what's up? (nudges Buffy's shoulder) Hey, time to motorvate. Buffy: (puts her arm around Faith) Really, we're just good friends. The two Slayers head out of the club together. Cut to a cemetery. Buffy and Faith both roll onto their backs, side by side, each with a vampire on top of them. Buffy backhand punches her attacker while Faith struggles to get control over hers. Buffy's vampire tries to punch her, but she redirects his arm to h*t the ground next to her. Giles watches calmly while sitting behind them on a nearby bench. Buffy is still on her back while her assailant is now standing over her, throwing punches down at her. Faith log rolls away from them, taking her attacker with her. Giles takes off his glasses and begins to clean them. Faith manages to roll on top of her vampire. She yanks him by the lapels of his jacket to a standing position, spins half-way around and throws him into a log roll over a stone bench. He hits the ground and keeps on rolling. Buffy is up now, and ducks a half-spinning jumping hook kick from her vampire, and then sidesteps to avoid a punch. Faith jumps up onto the bench and then back down to the ground. Her attacker aims a punch at her face, but rethinks his maneuver and decides to snap kick her in the gut. Thinking quickly, Faith grabs his foot and throws it over his head, forcing him to flip over in a back layout. He lands hard on his stomach. Buffy throws a punch at her assailant's face, but he ducks it. She tries for another one, but he blocks it. She then aims for his stomach with another punch, but is blocked yet again. The vampire tries to punch her, but she latches onto his arm and yanks him backwards, then forwards, and twists his arm, sending him flipping onto his back. Giles calmly watches and takes notes. Faith has a firm grip on her attacker, and throws his head backward, sending him flying backwards onto a bench. His momentum carries him sliding over it. Faith jumps up onto the bench, following him over, ready to att*ck. Buffy sends her vampire spinning back to the ground with a two-kick combination of a roundhouse followed by a hook kick. She pauses for a moment to let him get back up, and then roundhouse kicks him in the gut, followed immediately by a punch to his face as the momentum of her kick carries her around. Giles picks up his cup of coffee and continues his calm vigilance. Faith jumps down from the bench and roundhouse kicks her vampire in the face. Buffy roundhouse kicks hers again in the stomach. Faith punches her vampire in the stomach and takes aim with her stake. Buffy shoves hers against Faith's, and they end up back to back. The Slayers both plunge their stakes into their respective demons simultaneously, causing them both to explode into ashes. After the dust settles, they give each other a high-five and head over to Giles. Buffy: Synchronized slaying. Faith: New Olympic category? Buffy: (to Giles) Whadaya think? Giles lowers his coffee cup, but keeps it held at mouth level. Gwendolyn: Sloppy. They all turn to look at the woman who's just walked into view. Her hair is pulled up in a severe hair style, and she has a very serious look on her face. Gwendolyn: You telegraph punches, leave blind sides open and, uh, for a school-night slaying, take entirely too much time. Which one of you is Faith? Giles looks back at the girls. Faith: Depends. Who the hell are you? Giles turns back to the woman. Gwendolyn: Gwendolyn Post, Mrs. Your new Watcher. The two Slayers exchange a look, then look over at Giles. He is still holding his cup and staring at Mrs. Post, too dumbfounded to speak. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Giles is leaning against the stair railing, cleaning his glasses. Buffy is sitting near the middle of the large central table. There are several books lying open on it. Faith is standing by a corner of the table, addressing Mrs. Post, who is looking through some of Giles' collection. Faith: I'm telling you, I don't need a new Watcher. No offense, lady. (Gwendolyn looks at her) I just have this problem with authority figures. They end up kind of d*ad. She nods sarcastically and takes a seat next to Buffy. Gwendolyn: (walking past the table) Duly noted, and fortunately, it's not up to you. Buffy and Faith exchange a look. Gwendolyn walks around the table below the railing of the upper level, looking around at the few stacks there are in the study area of the library, apparently unaware that the main stacks are up the stairs and through a set of French doors, well out of view. Gwendolyn: Mr. Giles, where do you keep the rest of your books? Giles: I-I'm sorry. (slips on his glasses) The rest? Gwendolyn: Yes, the actual library. Giles gives her a confused look. Gwendolyn: Oh. (smiles thinly) I see. Giles: I can assure you, Mrs. Post, this is the finest occult reference collection... Gwendolyn: (interrupts) ...this side of the Atlantic, I'm sure. Do you have Hume's Paranormal Encyclopedia? Giles looks away, knowing that while his collection is superior, it is still not complete. Gwendolyn: The Labyrinth Maps of Malta? Buffy gives him a hopeful look. Giles: It's on order. Gwendolyn: Well, I suppose that you have Sir Robert Kane's Twilight Compendium? Giles: Oh! Uh... (looks around) Yes, I... (spots the book) Yes! (pulls it out) Yes, I do. (holds it up) Gwendolyn: (unimpressed) Of course you do. (paces past him) I have been sent by the council for a very important reason. Faith needs a Watcher. I am to act in that capacity and report back. Faith: (leans forward in her chair) Excuse me, Mary Poppins, you don't seem to be listening. Giles: (interrupts) Faith, if the council feels that you need closer observation, then... we will all, of course, cooperate. Faith leans back again, not at all happy with the situation. Gwendolyn: The council wishes me to report on the *entire* situation here, (to Giles) including you. That takes Giles by surprise. Buffy: Mm! Academic probation's not so funny today, huh, Giles? (rolls her eyes innocently) Giles glares at her. She just gives it right back to him. Gwendolyn: The fact is, there is talk in the council that you have become a bit too... (inhales) American. Giles: (taken aback) Me? Buffy: (surprised) Him? Gwendolyn: A demon named Lagos is coming here to the Hellmouth. (condescendingly) Mr. Giles, an illustration of Lagos, if you please. Giles: (a bit flustered) Oh, uh... (looks at the books on the table) Yes. Uh... He sits at the table and begins to look through one of the books. Gwendolyn: Perhaps later. Giles stops looking, very taken aback. He begins to seethe. Gwendolyn: Lagos seeks the Glove of Myhnegon. No record of this glove's full power exists, but we do know it is highly dangerous and must not fall into the hands of a demon. Lagos must be stopped. Giles folds his hands over his books and looks up at her. Giles: What do you propose? Gwendolyn: Well, if it's not too radical a suggestion, I thought we might k*ll him. Giles turns his head away from her and takes off his glasses. Gwendolyn: I suggest two Slayers at full strength for a coordinated hunt. Buffy gives Faith a look. Faith just gives Gwendolyn an even stare. Gwendolyn: We believe the glove to be buried in a tomb somewhere, so Lagos will be headed for the cemetery. Giles: There is more than one in Sunnydale. Gwendolyn: I see. How many? Giles: Uh, twelve, within the city limits. Gwendolyn: (takes a deep breath) Well, we'll just have to take them one at a time. Giles puts his glasses back on and starts to look through his books again. Gwendolyn: Anything in your books that might pinpoint the exact location of the tomb would be useful, but then, we cannot ask for miracles. Giles lets his book drop to the table and makes a point of looking directly away from her, rubbing his fingers, keeping his cool. Gwendolyn: We will begin tomorrow at sunset. Faith... (Faith almost startles) With me, please. She gives Faith a thin smile and walks from the library. Faith gives Buffy a glance, then follows her out. Giles visibly relaxes when they've gone. Giles: That was bracing. He slaps his glasses onto the table and leans his lips into his fist. Buffy: Interesting lady. Can we k*ll her? Giles: (lowers his fist) I think the council might frown upon that. His expression indicates he's considering it anyway, but soon discards the notion. Giles: Well... (stands up) How do you feel about a spot of training? Cut to Angel's mansion. He and Buffy are practicing T'ai Chi in front of the great fireplace. Angel concentrates on the exercises, but Buffy watches his moves and does her best to mirror them. They each begin with their arms stretched high above and ahead of them, hands together. They lower their arms to waist level with a graceful bend at the elbows. Buffy glances over at Angel, watching his elegant movements. She turns her attention back to the exercise, and crosses her right wrist over her left. They both sweep their crossed arms in a wide arc from left to right, and then draw their hands in to their waists and make a quarter turn to their left, so that Buffy has her back to Angel. They both extend their arms and slowly raise them, never stopping their fluid movements, until their hands are again held high. Angel takes the two steps over to Buffy and puts his hands over hers. Buffy looks up at his hands on hers as he pulls her arms down and around her. She slowly turns to face him and angles her face up toward him. Their lips almost meet when Buffy suddenly pulls away and walks over to one of the two couches set at right angles to each other to get her things. Buffy: Uhh... I gotta go. Big night for us Slayer types. Angel turns away, a confused expression on his face. Buffy pulls on her backpack. Buffy: People to see, demons to k*ll. (starts to leave) Better hurry before somebody figures out what we're doing. Angel: (pulls on his shirt) What are we doing? Buffy: (stops) Training. (quietly) And almost kissing. Angel looks at her and steps toward her as he buttons his shirt. Buffy turns to face him. Buffy: Sorry. It's just... (smiles weakly) old habit. (loses the smile) Bad, bad habit to be broken. Angel: It's hard. Buffy: It's not hard. (with resolve) Cold turkey. That's the key to quitting. They both look at each other for a long moment, knowing it's just not that easy. Buffy: (weakly and desperately) You think they make a patch for this? Angel: You have to go. Buffy: I really do. Angel looks away as Buffy turns again to go. She only gets a couple of steps when she sighs and turns to face Angel again. Buffy: I'm gonna try and vent a little hormonal angst by going out there and k*lling a Lagos, whatever that is. Angel faces her again upon hearing that demon's name. Angel: Lagos? Buffy: Some demon looking for some all-powerful thingamabob, (Angel sits, suddenly worried) and I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc, (sees his worried look) and it's another Tuesday night in Sunnydale. Angel can't bring himself to look at her again, and so just stares off into space. Angel: Be careful. Buffy turns and heads out of the mansion. Angel watches her back as she goes, and when she's gone, he gets up to start some work of his own. Cut to the library. Giles is sitting at the large table reading through a book with a dozen other volumes open and spread out in front of him. Willow is standing behind the railing of the stack level behind him. Xander is standing at the end of the table. Giles looks up from his book. Giles: Oh, this is intolerable. (slams the book shut) There's not a word here about Lagos or the glove. (stands up) We don't have time for this (drops the book in frustration) near-missing. (turns to Willow and Xander) Just find out all you can about the demon, its-its-its strengths, its-its weaknesses, (begins to pace) its places of origin, (stops and yanks off his glasses) and most importantly, (points at Xander with his glasses) what it plans to do with this blasted glove. Xander: (gives Giles an annoyed smile) Hey, you're not the Watcher of me. Giles: Then go home. But if you choose to stay, then work. He makes frustrated tracks into his office. Xander stares after him for a moment, then starts up the stairs to the stack level for more research. Willow steps over to meet him. Willow: Ugh... It's late. I'm tired. What does he want from us, anyway? They head into the stacks. Xander: The number of a qualified surgeon to remove the British flag from his butt? They stop at a spot where a few books are lying open on the floor and sit down. Xander takes one of them and starts to look through it. Willow: My eyes are all blurry. She leans forward and rests her head in her hands for a moment, then starts rubbing her temples with her fingers. Willow: Ohh... She moans as she rubs. Xander looks over at her, concerned. He sets down his book, nudges a bit closer and reaches over to do the rubbing for her. When she feels his fingers at her temples, Willow drops her own hands into her lap and lets him minister to her, letting out a few more moans. Willow: Oh, stop. Xander: Right. (continues rubbing) Stop means no... (keeps rubbing) And no means no, so, um... (finally stops) stop. He leans back away from her. She sits up a bit. He takes his book again to continue his research. Suddenly Willow reaches for him, grabs his face and plants a hard kiss on his lips. Xander responds and puts his hands around her to pull her closer. They kiss passionately for a few seconds, when Giles suddenly comes walking by, his attention focused on a book in his hands as he reads. Willow and Xander don't notice him at all. Giles: Willow, Xander... They stop kissing and quickly scramble to their feet. Giles: ...you can stop your, uh, studying. They wipe and cover their mouths in guilt, but aren't yet sure if they've been caught since Giles is looking at a bookcase. Willow bites her nails nervously. Giles: I've got what I need. Xander: (trying to be cool) What have you got? Giles: Uh, the probable location of the Glove of Myhnegon. (faces them) It's, uh, housed in the Von Hauptman family crypt. Xander: Yeah, that's that big one over at the Restfield Cemetery. Willow: Yeah, well, that's great, Giles. Um, how'd you find it? Giles: I looked. (continues his reading) Xander: Where's Buffy at? Giles: Uh, I'm not sure. Xander: Well, I'll go check out this, uh, crypt. (starts out) Um, tell her heads-up if she, uh, stops by. (leaves) Giles: Yes, by all means, go. Willow: (nervously) A-and I'll just keep studying. I think we're on the verge of a big Lagos breakthrough. Giles: (looks up from his book) No, I'd say we're done. He starts back out of the stacks. Willow lets out a deep sigh, ridden with guilt and halfway convinced that they've been caught. Cut to the streets at night. Faith and Buffy walk along as people and cars go by. Faith: Ronnie, deadbeat. Steve, klepto. Kenny... drummer. Eventually, I just had to face up to my destiny as a loser magnet. Now it's strictly get some, get gone. You can't trust guys. Buffy: You can trust some guys. (gets a doubtful look from Faith) Really, I've read about them. Faith: (laughs) Yeah. So, what about you? Buffy: You mean like, me and guys me? Faith: Mm-hm. Buffy: Not much to tell these days. Faith: Yeah, but you gotta have stories. I mean, I've had my share of losers, but you... you boinked the undead. What was that like? Buffy: Life with Angel's... was complicated. It's still a little hard for me to talk about. Faith: Well, try. They stop walking. Buffy: Look, Faith, all the Angel issues are still kind of with me, so if you don't mind, I'd rather not. Faith: (shrugs) Yeah. (shrugs) Yeah, whatever. Buffy looks away. Faith: You know what? We're oh for six tonight. Why don't we just blow this off? Buffy: Yeah. I am kinda b*at. But-but Shady Hill's pretty close. Faith: I'll swing through it. It's on my way anyway. Buffy: Alone? I-I don't know if I'd... Faith: I got Miss Priss on my back now. I don't need another baby- sitter. I'll holler if I'm having any fun. Buffy: (smiles thinly) Okay. Faith: (nods down the street) Later. (goes) Buffy: Thanks. She watches her go for a moment before turning and heading home. Cut to Shady Hill cemetery. Faith walks around a hedge and into view, scanning the graveyard as she goes. Suddenly the lid of a stone coffin slams into the ground in front of her. She jerks back, startled but unhurt. In front of her she sees Lagos, a warrior demon, grabbing things out of the coffin and throwing them aside as he quickly rummages through it. Faith: (to herself) Son of a bitch. It's my lucky day. She starts to run toward him and jumps into a flying side kick to Lagos' back. He hardly budges and turns his head to see who is disturbing him. Faith grabs his arm and whips him around to face her. She backhand punches him in the face and instantly follows up with another swing to his face, then punches him in the gut and again in the face. She pushes him away slightly to get some distance between them, and then roundhouse kicks him in the side. Unfazed and tired of the interruption, Lagos grabs her by the neck and throws her high and far. She slams into the side of a mausoleum and falls to the ground. Lagos turns his attention back to the open coffin. Faith scrambles to her feet and starts to run at him again. Lagos hears her coming this time and turns to face her. She tries to grab his neck, but he blocks her arm and does an uppercut to Faith's diaphragm, which makes her airborne once again. She hits the ground hard and starts to struggle for breath. Lagos ignores her and goes back to his rummaging. He pulls the last of the coffin's contents out, sees that it's nothing he wants and throws it aside in disgust. He wastes no time getting out of there, stomping right past Faith, not giving her even so much as another glance. With her breath knocked out of her, Faith is unable to get up to pursue him. Cut to Restfield cemetery. Xander finds his way through the gravestones to the Von Hauptman family crypt. His breathing is heavy and nervous. He finds the crypt and peeks at it from behind a bush, making sure no one and nothing else is around. He steps out from behind the bush, nervously looking around while he makes his way toward the crypt. Xander: (smiling, dripping with sarcasm) Hey, Giles, here's a nifty idea: why don't I alleviate my guilt by goin' out and gettin' myself really, really k*lled? He stops in his tracks when he thinks he hears a noise. Sure enough, a second later he can hear the sound of stone grinding against stone coming from inside the crypt. He swiftly ducks behind a group of bushes, crouches down and waits to see who will come out. A figure soon comes out of the crypt and pulls the door closed. In its arms it holds something wrapped in a bunch of rags. The figure turns its back to Xander as it grabs the outer iron gate and swings it closed as well. Xander rises up just a bit so he can better see who it is. The figure turns around again and begins to cautiously make its way out of the graveyard. As it nears Xander, he sees that it's Angel. Xander doesn't take his eyes off of him as he walks past. When Angel is far enough ahead of him, Xander comes out from behind the bushes, pulls out his stake and starts to follow. Cut to the atrium at Angel's mansion. Xander sneaks down the stairs to the main gallery and tiptoes over to a window where he can see inside. There, to his shock, he sees Buffy with Angel, kissing passionately. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Angel's mansion. He and Buffy are kissing passionately. The camera circles around them as they continue kissing. Suddenly Buffy breaks it off and takes a couple of steps backward and looks away from his face. Buffy: Oh, God... Angel: (confused) Buffy... Buffy: What am I doing? (looks up at him) What are *you* doing? Angel: (still confused) I don't know. Buffy: Shame on you! Angel doesn't know how to respond to that. He puts his hand to his forehead. Buffy heads over to her things on the couch. Buffy: Oh, God, I... I don't even know why I came back here. She starts to pull on her jacket. Angel steps over and takes it from her hands. Angel: It's good you did. Buffy looks up to him, waiting for an explanation. Angel: I think I have what you're looking for. He leads her by the hand over to a pedestal where the thing he got from the crypt lies, still wrapped up in rags. Buffy: Great... Just, wherever this was gift-wrapped, remind me not to shop there. He unwraps the rags to reveal their contents. It's an ancient-looking glove made of leather, chain mail and plate mail. There are small spikes along the plates that cover the back of the hand and the forearm. Ringed around the opening are ten hinged claws that look something like crab legs, but made of steel and very sharp. Angel: Glove of Myhnegon. Buffy: The world's ugliest fashion accessory. She reaches out to touch it. Angel quickly stays her hand with his. Angel: No, don't. Once you put it on, the glove can never be removed. Buffy: So... no touching. (nods, looks at their hands) Kinda like us. Angel gets the hint and releases her hand. He wraps the glove back up in the rags. Buffy: You hold on to it. I'll... I'll tell Giles in the morning. At least he'll be happy. Cut to Giles' apartment. He is researching through a book at his desk. Gwendolyn walks in front of the camera and around to Giles' side. He seems to have found something. Giles: Ah! Yes. There we are. In the book is a sketch of a battle scene with an inset of the glove. It resembles the real thing only vaguely. He sets the book down for her to see. Giles: There's a wood engraving. See? The Glove of Myhnegon. Gwendolyn: (looks at it, unimpressed) Yes, engraved by Father Theodore of Wolsham. Giles: Yes. Gwendolyn: Based, I believe, on very sketchy and unreliable folk legends. The pictures are fun to look at, Mr. Giles, but one really ought to read the nice words as well. Giles looks up from the books, but stares ahead, not wanting Gwendolyn to see the look of raw annoyance in his eyes. In the kitchen the tea kettle begins to whistle. Giles: Ah. (stands up) Yes. (puts his hands in his pockets) Some tea, perhaps? He strides into the kitchen. Gwendolyn takes the few steps over to the bar where he has two cups already set out for the tea and sits on one of the stools. Giles grabs the kettle from the stove. Gwendolyn: I know that you must find me tiresome, but it's insidious, really. Giles pours the hot water into one of the cups. Gwendolyn looks down at the teabag in her still empty cup, takes it out and sets it aside. Gwendolyn: A person slips up on the little things, and soon everything has gone to Hell in a handbasket. Giles doesn't say anything to her rejection of his teabag. She opens her purse and pulls out a small box with her own supply of tea. Gwendolyn: For example... Buffy, your Slayer... Giles: (struggling to control his voice) Mrs. Post... (pours her hot water) I can assure you that Buffy is both dedicated and industrious, and I am in complete control of my Slayer. Suddenly his apartment door whips open, and Xander runs into the room. Xander: Giles! We have a big problem. It's Buffy. Gwendolyn give Giles a snooty look. Giles: Will you excuse us? He walks very stiffly from the kitchen and nods to Xander to follow. They go to the far side of the room and whisper between themselves. Gwendolyn takes her own teabag and puts it in her cup to steep. Gwendolyn: Would you like some assistance? Giles and Xander stop their whispering and look at her. Giles: (smiling thinly) Thank you. That won't be necessary. They go back to their private discussion. Gwendolyn looks at her cup to see how far along her tea is. Cut to Sunnydale High. Cut to the library. Giles paces slowly in the main area. Behind him the door opens, and he hears someone walk in. He slowly turns to see that it's Buffy. Buffy: Lagos is out of luck. I got the magic mitten thingy. She stops to see that Xander, Cordelia, Oz and Willow are all sitting at the center table looking as glum as Giles does. Buffy: What's with all the tragedy masks? Giles: (indicates a chair) Better take a seat, Buffy. Xander gets up out of his chair, nudges it over a bit so it's at the head of the table, and steps away to stand next to Cordelia. Buffy slowly steps over to the chair. Buffy: What's going on? (sits) Giles: We know Angel is alive. (Buffy looks shocked) Xander saw you with him. It would appear that you've been hiding him and that you lied to us. Buffy looks away, trying to absorb this new turn of events. Willow: Nobody's here to blame you, Buffy. But this is serious. You need help. Buffy: (looks up at Willow) It's not what you think. Xander: Hope not. Because I think you're harboring a vicious k*ller. Buffy can't believe Xander's callousness. Willow: (trying to mediate) This isn't about attacking Buffy. Remember, 'I' statements only. 'I feel angry.' 'I feel worried.' Cordelia: Fine. Here's one: I feel worried... about me! Last time around, Angel barely laid a hand on Buffy. He was *way* more interested in k*lling her friends. Buffy: But he's better now. Xander: Better for how long, Buffy? I mean, did you even think about that? Buffy: (stands up) What is this, Demons Anonymous? (starts to leave) I don't need an intervention, here. Giles: Oh, don't you? (Buffy stops and faces him) You must've known it was wrong seeing Angel or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us. Buffy: (desperate and defensive) I was going to tell you, I was. I-it was just that I... I didn't know why he came back. I just wanted to wait. Xander: For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy? Buffy: (raising her voice defensively) I'm not going to... (raises her hand to him) We're not together like that. Oz: But you were kissing him. Willow gives Oz a quick look, then looks at Buffy, worried. Buffy thinks about the implication of Oz's accusation, and looks at Xander. Buffy: You were spying on me? (steps toward him) What gives you the right? Cordelia: What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again? Buffy: (defensive again) It was an accident. Xander: What, you just tripped and fell on his lips? Buffy: It was wrong, okay? I know that, and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys have to believe me. I would never put you in any danger. If I thought for a second that Angel was going to hurt anyone... Xander: ...you would stop him. Like you did last time with Ms. Calendar. Buffy is completely taken aback by Xander's totally insensitive and unfair att*ck, and can't utter a word in response. Willow senses that it's time to intercede. Willow: (nervously) Buffy, I feel that when it comes to Angel, you can't see straight. And that's why we're, we're all gonna help you face this. Buffy: But he's better now. I swear. Look, you guys, he's the one that found the Glove of Myhnegon. H-he's keeping it safe for us in the mansion. Xander: (spreads his arms) Right! Great plan. Leave tons of firepower with the Scary Guy, and leave us to clean up the mess. He makes tracks to leave the library, intent on doing something about this. Buffy takes him by the arm and spins him around to face her. Buffy: You would just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you? Xander: I don't need an excuse. I think lots of d*ad people actually constitutes a reason. Buffy: Right. This is all nobility. This has nothing to do with jealousy. Xander gives her a haughty grin, but is interrupted before he can continue. Cordelia: Hello? Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet? Buffy: (shakes her head in warning) Don't you start with me. Cordelia looks to Giles for support. Willow: (upset) Giles, no one's doing the 'I' statements! Giles: That's enough! Everybody. Now, Buffy knows our concerns, and her actions, however ill-advised, can be understood. (Cordelia shakes her head) Our... priority right now is to retrieve the Glove of Myhnegon and try to destroy it. Now, all of you, back to classes. One after the other they all get up, gather their things and go. Giles goes into his office, his hands firmly stuffed into his pockets. Once there he takes off his jacket and hangs it around the back of his chair. Buffy follows him and stops by the office door. Buffy: (uneasily) Thanks for the bail in there. Giles doesn't face her, and instead unbuttons his vest. Buffy: I know this is a lot to absorb, but Angel did find the glove, and that was a good... Giles: (interrupts) Be quiet. (slowly turns to face her) (sternly) I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known m*rder. But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me, or the job I perform. Buffy averts her eyes in shame. Giles turns back to his desk, sits down and leans back in thought. Buffy just stands in the doorway for a long moment before leaving quietly. Cut to Faith's motel room. There is a knock at the door. Faith opens it, stake raised and ready. She is surprised to see Gwendolyn standing there. She lowers the stake as Mrs. Post enters. Gwendolyn: A word of advice? Vampires rarely knock. Especially in daylight. (closes the door) Faith: Oh, right. Gwendolyn: (looks around) So... this is your home. Faith: Yeah. (gestures around the room) The decorator actually just left. Gwendolyn: Faith, do you know who the Spartans were? (leans against the dresser) Faith: Wild s*ab: a bunch of guys from Spart? (sits on the bed) Gwendolyn: They were the fiercest warriors known to Ancient Greece. And they lived in quarters very much like these. Do you know why? Because a true fighter needs nothing else. I'm going to be very hard on you, Faith. I will not brook insolence or laziness. And I will not allow blunders like last night's att*ck. You will probably hate me a great deal of the time. Faith: (smiles sardonically) You think? Gwendolyn: (steps over to the bed) But I will make you a better Slayer, (sits next to Faith) and that will keep you alive. You have to trust that I am right. God only knows what Mr. Giles has been filling your head with. Faith: Giles is okay. Gwendolyn: (stands) His methods are unfathomable to me. I find him entirely confounding. But that is not important. Let him have his games and secret meetings. Faith: What meetings? Gwendolyn: Oh, I don't know. Something with Buffy and her friends. Faith: Oh, right. I guess that doesn't include me. Gwendolyn: And why does he let her socialize so much? It hardly seems... No matter. Would you like to do some training? Faith: Training? (stands up) As in kicking and punching and s*ab? Gwendolyn: (smiles) Yes, that's the idea. Faith: I'm your girl. Cut to the halls at Sunnydale High. The bell rings. Buffy walks around the corner and stops when she sees Willow at her locker. She takes a breath to calm herself and heads over to her friend. Buffy: Hey. Willow: Hey! (continues gathering her stuff) Buffy: So on a scale of one to a million, how much are you hating me right now? Willow: (jumpy, trying to hide her feelings) Zero. You were scared, you kept a secret, you know? (zips closed her backpack) That's-it-it's okay. I mean, secrets aren't bad. You know, they're normal. (slips her pack onto her shoulder) They're better than normal. They're good. Secrets are good. Must be a reason why we keep them, right? (closes her locker) Buffy: Yeah, I guess. They start down the hall. Willow: So, are you going to the Bronze tonight, or, uh, are you gonna sneak away for a not-so-secret rendezvous with Angel? Buffy: None of the above. I'm gonna try and k*ll this Lagos guy. Peace offering to Giles. Willow: Well, Angel has the glove now, right? Buffy: Yep. But Lagos doesn't know that. I figure sooner or later he's bound to show up at that crypt looking for it. Willow: Ah, but instead he finds a Buffy in a not-so-good mood. Buffy: That's my brilliant plan. Cut to the Bronze that evening. Xander makes his breaking sh*t at a pool table. He goes over to the pocket where he accidentally sank his cue ball, retrieves it and walks back around the table to continue practicing. Faith approaches the table. Faith: You look pissed. Xander: Rough day. (chooses his sh*t) Faith: Tell me about it. Xander: (places the cue ball) Rather just sh**t. (aims his cue stick) Faith: Don't think I don't know what you and your pals were talking about behind my back today. Xander: (takes his sh*t) Yeah? And what was that? (looks for his next sh*t) Faith: More about this glove deal than you're saying. Xander: The Glove of Myhnegon? Right. (aims his cue stick) How'd you like a h*t of some real news: Angel's still alive. He takes his sh*t and starts walking around the table again, looking for his next sh*t. Faith looks at him in wide-eyed surprise. Faith: The vampire. Xander: Back in town. Saw him myself. Toting the popular and famous glove. He bends down again to take aim for his sh*t. Faith: Angel. Xander makes this sh*t and watches the balls ricochet. Faith: Guy like that, with that kind of glove, could k*ll a whole mess of people. Xander: Said the same thing to Buffy myself. Weird how she didn't seem to care. (aims for his next sh*t) Faith: Buffy knew he was alive. Xander takes his sh*t. Faith: I can't believe her. Xander: (walks around the table) She says he's clean. Faith: Yeah, well, I say we can't afford to find out. (has Xander's full attention) I say I deal with this problem right now. I say I slay. Xander: Can I come? He puts down his cue stick and they head out. Cut to Giles' office at the library. He is researching at his desk. He hears footsteps and turns around to stand up and see who it is. Gwendolyn: You wanted to see me, Mr. Giles? Giles: (grabs his coat) Yes. I do apologize for bringing you in at this late hour. (pulls it on) Gwendolyn: Please. A good Watcher must be awake and alert at all hours. Giles: Would you like some tea? He tosses his glasses onto his desk and steps over to his tea-making implements to prepare his teapot and two cups. Gwendolyn: God, yes, please. I'm completely knackered. (goes to Giles' chair) I spent the afternoon training with Faith. (sits) She doesn't lack for energy. Giles: (chuckles) She's your first Slayer, I take it? Gwendolyn: If you're questioning my qualifications... Giles: No, I'm not. (pours water from the kettle into his teapot) I, uh, have the utmost respect for your methods... (faces her, holding the teapot) in my own American way. (leans against his desk) I also have the glove. (Gwendolyn looks at him expectantly) Oh, not actually on me, but, uh, I believe it's safe. It's in a mansion on Crawford Street. A-a-a friend of Buffy's is keeping it there. Gwendolyn: (stands up) Well. We must get to it. Immediately. Hide it before someone else finds it. Giles: Or better still, destroy it. Gwendolyn: (surprised) Destroy it? Giles: (stands up and sets down the teapot) Yes, I-I... I didn't think it could be done either, but... (goes to his desk for a book) It involves transforming f*re (show her the book) into Living Flame and immolating the glove. Gwendolyn reads the pages where Giles indicates. Giles: I-i-it's complex, but, uh, I believe I have all the necessary materials. He goes back to his desk and checks his gathered inventory. Gwendolyn: Well, (puts the book down) I must say, Mr. Giles... Good show. She steps up behind him and hits him across the back of the neck with a wooden tribal statue. His knees give and he stumbles, but doesn't fall. He turns to face her, giving her a stunned look. Gwendolyn: Good show indeed. She swings the statue again at his temple. It hits him hard, and he falls unconscious to the floor. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Restfield Cemetery in front of the Von Hauptman family crypt. Willow paces and Buffy sits on a stone bench while they wait for Lagos to show up. Willow: Um, not to downplay my own slaying abilities, which in some circles are considered formidable, but shouldn't Faith be here? Buffy: I tried calling, but no one was home. Look, if you're feeling any demon-o-phobia, please, splitting is totally an option. You're not the one in trouble with Giles. Willow: That's true. (continues pacing) Buffy: How long do you think he can stay angry at me, anyway? Willow: The emotional marathon man? (shrugs) Buffy: Yeah. I can't really blame him. It's weird, though. Now that my secret... Angel, it's all out in the open... I feel better. Willow: Well, *sure* you do. This big burden's been lifted. I mean, keeping secrets is a lot of work. (stops pacing) One could hypothetically imagine. Buffy: You have no idea. Willow: (laughs uneasily) None whatsoever. But... (sits next to Buffy) Can I ask you a question? (Buffy nods) When you were with Angel and nobody knew about it, did that make it feel, you know, sexier somehow? Buffy: Not really. It's too much pressure. After a while, it even makes the fun parts... not so fun. Willow: (disappointed) Oh. Buffy: (wondering what's up) What makes you think all this secret stuff is sexy, anyway? Willow: (nervously defensive) Nothing. I'm just wondering. Gotta keep asking the big old questions when you're blessed with this girl's thirst for knowledge and... (gives in) Okay. There's something I have to tell you. Buffy: What? Willow: (gets up) Okay. This will make me feel better, right? You know, I always consider myself a good person. Floss, do my homework, never cheat. But lately, and please don't judge me on this, but I want you to be the first to know that, that... (sees Lagos) there's a demon behind you. Buffy looks behind her and kicks her legs up to spin herself around on the bench. She uses the momentum of the spin to start a running att*ck. She jumps into a twin pike kick to Lago's stomach. It has no real effect on Lagos, just making him take a step backward as she falls flat to the ground. Willow looks on, worried and unable to help. Lagos reaches down for Buffy and grabs her by the neck. He pulls her up only to flip her back down to the ground in a sloppy front tuck. She lands hard on her back. Willow wants to help, but can only watch. Buffy gets to her feet and comes at Lagos with a combination of a punch to the gut and the face, a half spin, a backhand punch to the face, another half spin and another backhand punch. She tries for an elbow jab, but he blocks it, grabs her arm and reaches for her leg, and lifts her up above his head. Willow is afraid for her friend and waves her hands wildly in protest. Willow: Don't... Lagos suddenly drops Buffy, and she lands hard on her back. Willow cringes at the sight. Buffy quickly gets to her feet and steps to her right as Lagos swings a fist at her head. He misses her and smashes his fist into a stone cross. Taking advantage of the opening, Buffy steps in and front snap kicks him in the gut, following up with a roundhouse kick to his face, a full spin and another roundhouse kick to his crotch. Lagos doubles over in pain. Willow winces at how painful it looked. Buffy spies the battle-ax on his back. Buffy: Now we're talking. She grabs the ax, pulls it from its sheath and swings it around as Lagos straightens back up. In one stroke Lagos is suddenly headless. His head rolls along the ground a ways before coming to rest. Willow pumps her fists into the air in front of her. Willow: Yes! She quickly plays down her gesture into crossed arms. Buffy comes walking back to her. Buffy: Sorry about that. So, what were you saying? Willow: Oh, I... (decides against a confession) I opened my SAT test booklet five minutes early. (Buffy gives her a blank look) Just doesn't seem important now, does it? Buffy: (smiles) Your secret's safe with me. (looks at Lagos' body) Come on. Let's go bring Giles some happiness. She shoulders the battle-ax, and the two girls head for the library. Cut to the library. Faith and Xander barge in and head for the cage, and the w*apon cabinet within. Xander: Good old Sunnydale library. Fully equipped with reference books, file cards... (opens the cabinet doors) and w*apon. Faith: Beauty. (reaches in) Xander: I call crossbow. (reaches for it) Faith: You got it. They gather an array of w*apon. Xander grabs some bolts for the bow. They close the doors when they have what they want. Xander: All right, ready to go? Faith: That I am. They start to head out, when Xander hears a moan coming from Giles' office. Xander: Wait. Faith: What? Xander hurries into the office. He sets down the crossbow when he sees Giles on the floor and kneels down to help him. Xander: Oh, my God. It's Giles! (holds his head) Giles, can you hear me? (looks around) What the hell happened? Faith: Gee, let me guess. Xander: (trying not to panic) Stop. Hold it. Just think a minute. Faith: Yeah, I'm thinking. Thinking Buffy's ex-meat did this. Xander: (grabs the phone) It's not Angel's style. (dials 911) Faith: The guy's a demon! How much more proof do you need? Xander: Bite marks would be nice. (into the phone) Yeah, I have a medical emergency. Sunnydale High. Faith: Screw this waiting crap. (starts to go) Xander: Faith, if we leave, Giles could die! Faith: (from the checkout counter) Yeah, and he's gonna have a whole lot of company, unless *I* do something permanent. (starts to go again) Xander: Wait! Faith: For what? You to grow a pair? You handle the baby-sit, and I'm gonna k*ll Angel. (strides out) Xander: Damn it! He waits on the phone, holding Giles' head. Cut to Angel's mansion. He has a f*re going in an urn and several small bowls of powders in various colors on a small table. Angel: Exorere, Flamma Vitae. Prodi ex loco tuo elementorum, in hunc mundum vivorum. Translation: Arise, Flame of Life. Come forth from your place of the elements, into this world of the living. He shakes some of a green powder into his hand, throws it into the flame, and it begins to burn green. Angel: Exorere, Flamma Vitae. Prodi ex loco tuo elementorum, in hunc mundum vivorum. Translation: Arise, Flame of Life. Come forth from your place of the elements, into this world of the living. He shakes some of a red powder into his hand, throws it into the flame, and it begins to burn red. Cut to the library. Buffy and Willow open the doors and walk in. Buffy: Giles is gonna be psyched that we showed up stuffy old Mrs. Post. They see the paramedics there with Giles on a gurney. Buffy tosses the battle-ax over the counter. Buffy: Oh, my God. (runs to Giles' side) Paramedic: (into her radio) Sunnydale Medical... Buffy: What happened? Paramedic: (into her radio) ...Caucasian male, mid-forties... Buffy: Giles... Paramedic: ...blunt object head trauma. Notify ER, we're bringing him in. Buffy: What happened? Paramedic: No time for this. (starts to wheel him out) Giles: (feebly) Wait... (the paramedics stop) Buffy, you must... must destroy the glove. Paramedic: (sternly) You want him to live? Get out of the way. She and her partner quickly roll Giles from the library. Giles: Use... Living... Flame... Paramedic: Move! They slam the library doors open with the gurney and turn down the hall. Willow looks at Xander, worried and wanting to know what went down. Buffy watches until the gurney has disappeared, then also turns to Xander for an explanation. He just gives her a blank stare. Buffy: What happened? Xander: Your boyfriend's not as cured as you thought. Buffy: What makes you think that Angel had anything to do with this? Xander: We saw what you saw. Buffy: So you just assume? Xander: I didn't. Faith did. Willow gives Buffy a concerned look. Buffy: (very worried) What did you tell her? Xander: Only what everyone knows. She's a big girl. Came to her own conclusions. Buffy: (angry) How much of a head start does she have? Xander: Ten minutes. Buffy: (steps over to Willow) Go through Giles' research. Figure out how to destroy the glove. She glares at Xander for a second, not believing that he could actually do such a thing, and then runs from the library. Willow watches her go, then looks at Xander accusingly. He tries to say something, but Willow doesn't let him get a single word out. Willow: Shut up and help me. She heads for Giles' office. Xander follows close behind. Cut to Angel's mansion. The red Living Flame burns intensely in the urn. Angel turns around to get the glove, but stops when he sees Gwendolyn walk in. He stares at her unwaveringly. Angel: What do you want? Gwendolyn: Gwen Post. Mr. Giles sent me. Angel: What for? Gwendolyn: To help you destroy the glove. (looks at the urn) Is that the Living Flame? Angel: Yes. Gwendolyn: (goes to the table by the urn) Look, I'm sorry to be so abrupt, but Lagos is on his way here now. (looks it over) If you're performing the ritual incorrectly, it will only make the glove more powerful. Angel: Alright. (steps up to the flame) Gwendolyn: Good. Where is the glove? Angel: It's in the trunk. He turns around again to get the glove from the trunk. Gwendolyn grabs a shovel that's leaning against the table and swings it hard into his head. He falls to the floor unconscious. Gwendolyn: That's what I love about this town. Everyone's so helpful. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Angel's mansion. Gwendolyn hurries over to the trunk and tries to open it. She finds it locked. Gwendolyn: Bugger. She tries yanking at the old padlock, but it doesn't give. Gwendolyn: Bugger! She takes the shovel and jams it into the padlock a few times. The old lock breaks readily. She reaches down to remove it. Behind her Angel gets up from the floor sporting his game face. Angel: Okay... Gwendolyn looks at him in surprise. Angel: That hurt. Gwendolyn: (holds the shovel defensively) It was supposed to k*ll you. If you'd been human, it would have. But... (breaks the handle over her knee) I believe this is your poison. She swings at Angel's midsection with her long makeshift stake, but he sidesteps her to avoid the blow. She swings back the other way, but this time aims for his face, and he ducks it. She swings again, but Angel middle blocks the h*t and takes the opportunity to punch her in the face. She falls down hard and loses her grip on the shovel handle. She scrambles onto all fours and starts to make a run for it. Angel circles around the urn with the Living Flame, grabs her by the back of the neck as she rises to her feet, pushes down on her neck to stop her and throws her against a wall. She slides to the floor nearly unconscious. Angel grabs her by the shoulder just as Faith barges in holding a long club with a steel hook embedded in the business end. Faith: Mrs. Post! Angel lets go of Gwendolyn, roars and faces his new adversary. Faith: (intensely angry) I can't believe how much I'm gonna k*ll you. Angel: (stands his ground) You're *not* getting that glove. Faith: You wanna bet? Before she has a chance to att*ck with her club, Angel does a low in-to- out crescent kick, knocking it from her hands. Faith body checks him, but he easily absorbs the blow, taking only a slight step backward. Gwendolyn begins to come to, and watches the fight. Angel does a backhand swing to Faith's head, making it snap back and to the side. She whirls back around, infuriated, and delivers a backhand punch to his face followed immediately with another punch. Angel tries to return with a punch, but he swings too wide, and Faith has plenty of time to duck it. Angel's follow through leaves him in an awkward position, and Faith takes immediate advantage. She bends over his right side and holds onto him for support as she kicks up backwards, hitting him in the head with a reverse snap kick. He is dazed with pain. She steps away from his side and stomps down on the back of his right knee, causing him to collapse. Faith grabs Angel by the shirt and launches him into the air. He lands on one side of the couch and backrolls over the coffee table to the other section set at a right angle. He is severely stunned. Faith runs over to him, sees that he is defenseless and raises her stake. She swings down hard with it directly at his chest, when out of nowhere an arm reaches in and stays her swing. She looks to her side and sees that it's Buffy. Faith: (very confused) What? Buffy grabs her by the waist and throws her away from Angel. Cut to the library. Willow and Xander are grinding and mixing powders for the spell to invoke Living Flame. Xander: Think we got it? Willow: Well, it's either the catalyst for Living Flame or just some really smelly sand. (looks at Xander, worried) We'll have to test this. Xander: I'll double-check. He reads through his book, and Willow notices his suddenly intent stare while reading. Willow: What? Xander: I know what the glove does. He angles the book so she can read and points to a passage. She quickly absorbs the information. Willow: There's no time to test this. She quickly grabs a plastic bag and pulls it open. Xander blows out the candles on the table, grabs the grinding bowl and pours the mix into the plastic bag. Willow spins the neck of the bag to seal it, and they both race out of the library. Cut to Angel's mansion. Buffy is faced off against Faith, ready to fight. Buffy: I can't let you do it, Faith. Faith: You're confused, Twinkie. (smiles ironically) Let me clear you up. (points at Angel) Vampire. (points at herself) Slayer. (points at Angel again) d*ad vampire. Buffy: There's a lot that you don't understand. Gwendolyn: (groggy) Faith... The two Slayers look over at her. Gwendolyn: (weak from her fight) She doesn't know. She's blinded by love. Buffy: Faith, no. Gwendolyn: Trust me. Faith looks back and forth between them. Buffy: (drops her guard) Faith, we can figure this out... Faith does a full spinning hook kick to Buffy's face. She takes the h*t hard, falling to her knees. Faith delivers two roundhouse kicks to Buffy's gut while she's still on the floor. Buffy stands up and does an uppercut punch to Faith's right arm, knocking the stake from her hand. Buffy backhand punches Faith in the face, and punches her in the chest. She shoves Faith backward, and Faith takes a few stumbling steps, trying to steady herself. Buffy does a jumping double roundhouse kick, alternating her legs, both of which are blocked by Faith. Buffy tries a backhand punch, but Faith blocks it. Buffy whirls around and punches Faith in the face with her other hand, catching Faith off guard. Faith leans in again and tries to punch Buffy, but she middle blocks it and punches Faith in the gut and again in the face. Faith drops to the floor, but thinks fast and tries to sweep kick Buffy's legs out from under her, but Buffy jumps to avoid it. Faith scrambles back up, and the two girls face off again. Buffy blocks two roundhouse kicks from Faith. Buffy tries a high out-to-in crescent kick, which Faith easily ducks. Faith rises back up and does a spinning back kick that hits Buffy squarely in the back, sending her to her knees. Faith rushes up behind her and grabs her in a choke hold around her neck. Buffy grabs Faith's arm and twists her body around, trying to throw Faith off, but to no avail. She grabs Faith's fingers and pulls them backward, cracking her knuckles. Faith: Auuuugh! Now Buffy is able to throw Faith off with a twist of her body, and both girls end up on the floor. Faith rolls into a wall, hitting her back against a corner. Buffy scrambles to her feet and runs at Faith, but she snaps out her leg and trips Buffy, making her fall again. Buffy rolls over her back and to her knees. While she is still crouched, Faith comes in for an axe kick, trying to h*t her on the way down. Buffy cross blocks her leg, grabs her ankle and raises her arms, throwing Faith off balance and to the floor. Faith quickly gets to her feet, and the two Slayers face off once again. Buffy rushes Faith and grabs her by the waist. The two of them go crashing through the French doors out into the atrium. When the glass has fallen, they both roll away from each other and to their feet, facing off a fourth time. Faith gives Buffy an angry look, spins all the way around and backhand punches Buffy in the face. Faith tries another backhand punch, which Buffy blocks. Faith punches Buffy in the gut and does another backhand punch to her face, this time connecting and forcing Buffy to her hands and knees. Faith advances on her, but Buffy does a crouching back kick to her stomach, making her stagger backward into a metal garden chair. She quickly gets up, grabs the chair and throws it at Buffy, who sidesteps it, and it clangs to the stone walk. Cut inside. Xander and Willow come running into the mansion and find Gwendolyn still dazed by the wall. Gwendolyn: The glove! It's in the trunk. Xander: (reassuringly) We'll get it. Gwendolyn: (to Xander) Help Faith. Cut to the atrium. Faith does a half-spinning crescent kick, which Buffy ducks, but gets h*t instead with Faith's next roundhouse kick. Faith swings a punch at Buffy, but she ducks it and blocks a backhand from Faith as well. Buffy fakes a punch and instead elbows Faith in the gut. Faith ducks the next punch. Buffy pushes Faith backwards and does a half spinning hook kick to her face, almost making her lose her balance. Cut inside. Xander looks up at the two Slayers fighting it out. He rushes out to intercede. Willow helps Gwendolyn to her feet. Cut to the atrium. Faith does a jumping roundhouse kick, which Buffy ducks. Xander comes rushing out through the broken doors. Xander: What are you... (sees them faced off again and gets between them) Stop! Guys, listen! Faith grabs him by the shirt and throws him into a lamppost. He bounces off of it and hits the stone walkway hard. Back at the doorway, Buffy does a diving punch, knocking Faith in the head and making her cry out in pain. Cut inside. Gwendolyn makes a beeline for the trunk with the glove. She throws the lid open and unfolds the rags wrapped around the glove. Reverently she takes the glove out of the trunk and cradles it in her hands. Gwendolyn: (smiling wickedly) Finally. Behind her Willow is confused by her words and actions. Sensing Willow's proximity, Gwendolyn swings the glove around in a wide arc, hitting her in the face. She falls to the marble floor unconscious. Cut to the atrium. Faith punches, but Buffy blocks. Buffy tries to punch, but is also blocked. Faith tries again, and is blocked again. Buffy grabs onto Faith's throat, and Faith reaches up to try to pry Buffy's hand off of her. Cut inside. Gwendolyn holds the glove in her left hand and looks down at it. Slowly she slides her right arm into the glove. Once it's inside, she makes a fist with the clawed fingers. Suddenly the metal claws surrounding the glove's opening begin closing, puncturing her arm one at a time until all ten have become permanently embedded in her forearm's flesh. She holds up her gloved arm and smiles maniacally at the sight, seemingly oblivious to the pain. She extends her arm above her, up toward the huge skylight and recites the Gaelic spell that will invoke the power of the glove. Gwendolyn: Taou huogan maqachte milegaing! Translation: Be mine, the power of Myhnegon! Up in the sky lightning strikes and thunder booms. Outside Buffy and Faith stop their fighting to see what's going on. Inside Gwendolyn breathes excitedly as she waits for the power to become hers. Lightning strikes again above the skylight. Outside Buffy and Faith stare at Gwendolyn, still holding onto each other, not yet willing to take the chance on releasing their grip. Inside Gwendolyn stares intently up at the sky, awaiting her reward for being the new wearer of the Glove of Myhnegon. Outside the two Slayers realize their fight is no longer with each other, and let go. Faith: What's going on? Gwendolyn allows herself to be distracted, lowers her gloved arm and looks over at Faith. Gwendolyn: (smiling maliciously) Faith! A word of advice: you're an idiot. Faith and Buffy both look at her in disbelief. Gwendolyn once again raises her arm to the sky and utters the words that will call forth the power of the glove. Gwendolyn: Tauo freim! Translation: Be free! On the floor Willow wakes up and turns around just in time to see a blindlingly bright bolt of lightning smash through the skylight and strike the glove. Shards of shattered glass fall everywhere, but Gwendolyn ignores them and rejoices in her new-found power. She turns to face the Slayers and extends the glove toward them. Gwendolyn: Tauo freim! Translation: Be free! The bolt of energy leaps from the glove at the two girls. They scramble out of the way, and the bolt hits a tree in the atrium, instantly setting it ablaze. Buffy and Faith look at it in amazement, then turn their attention to what they can do about Gwendolyn. Angel also comes to now, and quickly takes in the situation. Willow gets to her feet and begins backing away, stiff with fear, staring at Gwendolyn in shocked horror. The would-be Watcher spins around and aims the glove at her. Gwendolyn: Tauo freim! Translation: Be free! Thinking fast, Angel jumps to his feet and rushes toward Willow. A lightning bolt sh**t through the skylight, hits the glove and is redirected at Willow. Angel reaches her just in time and roughly tackles her to the floor out of harm's way. The bolt hits the fireplace instead and leaves a deep scorch mark in the marble. Outside Buffy comes up with a plan. Buffy: (to Faith) Can you draw her f*re? Faith: You bet I can. Buffy: Go do it. Faith gets to her feet and runs into the mansion. Gwendolyn sees her coming. Faith ducks into a hallway and keeps running. Gwendolyn surmises that Faith will appear at the other hallway leading from the opposite end of the room, and extends her arm in that direction. Gwendolyn: Tauo freim! Translation: Be free! Another lightning bolt strikes the glove and is sent in the direction of the hallway just as Faith comes running out of it. She dives behind the couch, avoiding the blast from the glove. Thrilled with the power that is now hers, Gwendolyn holds the glove up before her, staring at it with lustful desire in her eyes. Gwendolyn: There's nothing you can do to me now. Outside Buffy sifts through the broken glass, finds a larger shard, gets to her feet and runs into the mansion. Gwendolyn: I have the glove. With the glove comes the power. Buffy: I'm getting that. Gwendolyn looks over at Buffy in surprise. Buffy throws the shard of glass end over end. It flies like a spinning blade at Gwendolyn and slices cleanly through her upper arm, severing it and the glove from her body. With nothing to control it now, the power of the glove becomes erratic, and small bolts and sparks leap from it in random directions. Another bolt of lightning strikes through the skylight, and not having a target this time, hits Gwendolyn in the chest, with a few small tendrils going in through her eyes. She screams at the top of her lungs as her body begins to writhe in pain. Everyone watches helplessly as she keeps screaming and the lightning bolts keep coming. Buffy shuts her eyes to the sight. A moment later, with one final bright lightning strike, what's left of a one-armed Gwendolyn vanishes in a bright flash of light and energy. A few small arcs of electricity are all that remain as the last of the energy dissipates, and the mansion is again in relative darkness. Buffy opens her eyes. Willow and Angel get to their feet. Outside Xander gets up also and heads inside. Faith stands up from behind the couch. All that is left in the center of the room are bits of glass and framework from the skylight, a cloud of smoke slowly rising upward and the Glove of Myhnegon with Gwendolyn's severed arm still firmly in its grip. One by one the ten claws open up, releasing it. Cut to Sunnydale High the next day. Cut to the student lounge. Willow and Oz are sitting on one of the couches across the coffee table from Xander and Cordelia, who are sitting on the other. Cordelia: So there's no more glove thingy? Xander: No. Little Living Flame, little mesquite, gone for good. Oz: Sounds like we missed a lot of fun. Xander: Then we're telling it wrong. Willow: What do you think Buffy and Angel are gonna do? Xander: Boy, do I don't know. (nods) Cordelia gives him a strange look. Willow: Well, he saved me from a horrible flamey death. That sort of makes me like him again. (smiles thinly) Xander: Well, as long as she and Angel don't get pelvic, we'll be okay, I guess. Cordelia doesn't like the way Xander phrased that, and crosses her arms. Buffy walks up the stairs to meet them. Xander sits up straight. Buffy: What are you guys talking about? Oz: Oddly enough, your boyfriend. Again. Buffy: (looks down sadly) He's not my boyfriend. (sits next to Xander) Really, truly, he's... (sighs) I don't know. She looks over at Xander and Cordelia. They both look back. Buffy: (hesitatingly) Are we cool? Xander: Yeah! Just seeing the two of you kissing after everything that happened, I leaned toward the postal. (pauses) But I trust you. Cordelia: I don't. Just for the record. Buffy raises her eyebrows, not all that surprised. Behind her Giles clears his throat, and she turns to face him. He's leaning against the railing with a large bandage on his left temple. Buffy: Let me guess: Gwendolyn Post: not a Watcher. Giles: Yes, she was. (cautiously takes the steps) She was, uh, kicked out by the council a couple of years ago for misuses of dark power. They swear there was a memo. Buffy: Well, I better go. (to Xander) Little more damage control. She gets up and heads out of the lounge. Willow: (sighs) The whole Angel thing is so weird. Giles: (slowly sits next to Xander) Yes, well, we'll have to see how that unfolds, won't we? Cut to Faith's motel room. She's lying on the bed, flipping through a magazine and watching Dragnet in black and white. A man opens his door to talk with the officers. Man: Yes, sir? Friday: Police officers. My name's Friday, this is... There's a knock on Faith's door. Man: How are you? Faith: Come in. Buffy opens the door, peeks in and then comes into the room. Buffy: Hey. Man: Called the police just a little while ago. Talked to a man down there. I didn't get his name, though. Buffy: The place looks nice. Faith: Yeah, it's real Spartan. Friday: Can you show us where they broke in, please? Buffy: How are you? Faith: Five-by-five. Buffy: I'll interpret that as good. Faith doesn't respond, but just continues paging through her magazine. Buffy: Look, Gwendolyn Post, or whoever she may be, had us all fooled. Even Giles. Faith: (without looking up) Yeah, well, you can't trust people. I should've learned that by now. Buffy: I realize this is gonna sound funny coming from someone that just spent a lot of time kicking your face... but you can trust me. Faith: (looks up, amused) Is that right? (tosses the magazine aside) Buffy: I know I kept secrets, but I didn't have a choice. I'm on your side. Faith: *I'm* on my side, (nods) and that's enough. Buffy: (shakes her head) Not always. Faith: (shrugs) Is that it? Buffy: Yeah, I guess. Faith: Alright. Well, then, I'll see you. She averts her eyes and stares at the TV. Buffy takes the hint and turns to go. Faith shakes her head, having a second thought. Faith: Uh, Buffy? Buffy: (faces her expectantly) Yeah? Faith reconsiders again for a long moment, and changes her mind again. Faith: Nothing. Buffy lowers her eyes, disappointed. Slowly she turns back to the door, opens it and leaves. Faith looks around her Spartan room and inhales and exhales deeply. Cut outside. Buffy goes over to the stairs and pauses for a moment, staring sadly into space, and then starts down the steps. Cut inside. The camera pulls back on Faith alone in her bed, staring out of the window for a moment, then back at the TV.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x07 - Revelations"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Morning at Sunnydale High School. Willow and Xander slowly walk together across the lawn toward the walkway to the main entrance. In their hands they have the results of their Scholastic Aptitude Tests, with which neither is particularly happy. Willow: This is a nightmare. This is... My world is spinning. Xander: It's not that bad, Willow, really. Willow: 740? Verbal?! I'm-I'm... (searches for a word) pathetic! Illiterate! I'm Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel. Xander: (shrugs) That's right. And the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined scores in no way compromises your position as the village idiot. They fold up their score reports as they near a bench at the side of the walkway. Willow: I just... (sits and slouches, depressed) Where did I go wrong? Xander sits down next to her and puts his arm around her in comfort, but not missing the opportunity to give her hair a gentle stroke. Xander: You did amazing, Willow. As usual. Behind them Oz and Cordelia approach. Cordelia: You guys get your scores? Xander instantly lets go of Willow, hops to his feet and rushes to meet her. Xander: Cordelia! (points) Willow was very sad by her academic failure. (reaches for Cordelia's score report) How did you do? He snags it from her hand, unfolds it and reads it. Xander: This is not good. Cordelia: What's not good? Oz gives Willow a reassuring stroke of her hair. She just sadly hands him her report to see. Xander: Well, I'm just worried it may hurt my standing as campus stud when people find out I'm dating a brain. Cordelia: (yanks her scores from his hand) Please. I have *some* experience in covering these things up. Oz: (to Willow) Well, I can see why you'd be upset. Willow gives him a hurt look, grabs her report back from him and looks down at the ground, her feelings of failure evident in her furrowed brow. Oz: That was my sarcastic voice. Xander: You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice. Oz: I've been told that. (trying to be upbeat) But we should celebrate, do something. Cordelia: Like, the four of us? She gives Xander a pointed look, shaking her head and clearly mouthing "No". He ignores her completely. Xander: A double date! It could have potential. Buffy walks up the steps from the street, a long look on her face, and joins the g*ng. Willow: (brightens and stands up) Buffy! Hey! Did you get your SAT scores? Buffy gives her a weak nod. Xander: By the look on your face, I'm guessing you and I are gonna be manning the drive-through window side by side. Buffy: They're just test scores, right? (hands hers to Willow) What do they really mean, anyway? Willow: (unfolds it and reads) (very excited) 1430! Buffy, you kicked ass! Buffy raises her eyebrows at her friend. Cordelia's eyes go wide with amazement. Willow: (more calmly) Okay, (folds the report) so academic achievement gets me a little excited. Buffy hands her scores to Xander for him to see. Xander: Buff, that's amazing. Cordelia: Let me see that. She yanks it out of Xander's hand before he can even begin to unfold it and checks it out. Oz: Yeah. With scores like that, you can apply pretty much anywhere you want. Willow: Buffy, this could, like, change your whole future. Buffy: (unsure what to make of it) The thought had occurred to me. Xander: Then why the sour puss? Buffy: I don't know. I guess... my future. I never really thought about it. I wasn't even sure I was going to have one. Cordelia: (smiling hugely) Well, I think this is great! Now you can leave and never come back! She gets looks from everyone. Xander hands Buffy back her scores. Cordelia: Well, I mean that in a positive way. Get out of Sunnydale. That's a good thing. What kind of moron would ever wanna come back here? Cut to a small park and playground that night. A classic 1958 Dodge Desoto FireFlite crashes through the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign and screeches to a halt. The door opens and a nearly empty liquor bottle falls out and smashes to pieces on the pavement. Spike slides off of his seat and hits the street flat on his back on top of the broken glass, drunk out of his mind. He lifts his head unsteadily and tries to raise himself to his elbows. Spike: Home, sweet... (chuckles) home. He passes out and collapses back to the pavement. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Spike's old b*rned-out factory. The place is a shambles, although the great table where Giles started the f*re is essentially intact, if scorched. Spike strolls through the area, stepping over the strewn chairs, while singing a few bars from "My Way". Spike: And more / Much more than this / I did it my way Cut to the bedroom in the basement. Spike comes hopping merrily down the stairs. Spike: Drusilla! I'm home! When he reaches the bottom he breaks out into a pathetic fit of giggles which quickly turn to sobs. He sniffs a few times and wipes his nose on his sleeve. He sees what's left of the b*rned bed and steps up to it, steadying himself on a pillar. In despair he tosses his liquor bottle onto the bed and steps around the column. From there he sees those members of Drusilla's doll collection that didn't survive the f*re piled on her dresser, all badly scorched. He reaches for one and picks it up. The features on its fine porcelain face can still be made out, but the paint, hair and dress are long gone. He stares at the doll intensely. Spike: Why did you do it, baby? Why did you leave me? We were happy here. He tries to suppress a sob and shakes it off, and suddenly he's wearing his game face. He roars at the doll angrily and throws it hard down at the concrete floor. He spins around, looking for something to smash it with. He finds a tall iron candlestick, grabs it and wields it back. Spike: YOU... (swings the candlestick) STUPID... (swings again) WORTHLESS... (swings again) BITCH! (calms a bit) Look what you've done to me. He stares down at what's left of the doll, its delicate porcelain features smashed and scattered, limbs torn and singed. He drops the iron candlestick on top of it. Cut to Cordelia's locker in the halls at school. She is getting what she needs for class while Xander tries to talk her into the double date thing. Xander: C'mon. It'll be fun! Cordelia: I don't know. I just thought we were gonna do something... you know, classy? Xander: What's classier than bowling? Cordelia: (raises her eyebrows at him) Apart from everything ever? Let's see... Xander: Oz and Willow are down. You're the swing vote. (skips around to her other side) I guarantee fun. Cordelia can't help but give him a warm smile and giggle. From his new vantage point Xander can now see the inside of her locker door. Xander: Hey, those are from the pier. There are three pictures of them. One of the two of them sitting on a bench with their arms around each other and smiling, another of just Xander sporting a huge smile, and the third of her riding on Xander's back, smiling playfully with her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. Cordelia: Yeah. Uh, I just got them developed. Xander: (not yet sure what to make of it) There's pictures. Of me. In your locker. I never knew I was locker door material. She closes her locker, and they begin walking down the hall. Cordelia: Well... just barely. Besides, (smiles) I look really cute in those pictures. They meet Oz and Willow coming the other way. Oz: Hey. So what's the verdict? Do we bowl? Xander gives Cordelia a pleading look. Cordelia: (gives in) We bowl. Willow: Great! Double bowling date. (pats Oz's chest) I'm on Oz's team. Xander: Yeah? Well, (points at Oz) prepare to be crushed. (takes Cordelia's arm) Maybe we should practice. Cordelia: (nods) Yeah. They go their separate ways again. Oz goes with Willow to her locker. Willow: They don't stand a chance. I'm really good. Or I used to be, (works her combination) when they had the inflatable things in the gutters. She opens her locker door as Oz holds up something small wrapped in newspaper. She faces him and notices him holding it up to her. Willow: What's this? (takes it) Oz: It's a gift. Willow: (smiles) What's the occasion? (unwraps it) Oz: Pretty much *you* are. Wrapped in the paper is a PEZ candy dispenser with a green witch's head on top, complete with red hair and black hat. Willow is very surprised and gives Oz a none-too-gentle slap on the left side of his chest. Willow: (excited) It's a little, uh, PEZ witch! Oz: It's kind of a theme present. Do you like it? Willow: (breathless) I like... I-I *more* than like. Oz, this is probably the sweetest... We have to find a little PEZ werewolf, so little PEZ witch can have a boyfriend. Oz: I don't think they make a werewolf PEZ. You might have to settle for a wacky cartoon dog. Willow: This is... just so thoughtful. Oz: Well, I think about you. Willow: (suddenly disappointed) Oh... I don't have anything to give you. Oz: (smiles at her) Yeah, you do. He puts his hand on her shoulder briefly and then heads down the hall to class. Willow follows him with her gaze for a moment, her expression showing her worry about the levels of complexity this just added to her life. She looks down at the PEZ dispenser. Cut to the library. Giles looks over Buffy's SAT score report while she plays with a contraption from Giles' huge pile of camping equipment and clothing laid out on the big table. Giles: Buffy, this is, this is remarkable. Buffy: So is this. (puts the thing down) Where is this retreat thingy, the Yukon? (reaches for something else) Giles: It's quite nearby, actually. (Buffy finds a compass) It's, um, it's the clearing at the top of Breaker's Woods. Buffy opens the compass and sees that there is a mirror inside the lid. She quickly checks her hair. Giles: It's the site of some fascinating druidic rituals. Buffy: (closes the compass) Okay, but you're just going for a few days, right? (Giles takes the compass from her) I mean, you're not gonna settle there and grow crops or anything. Giles: (confused) What? Oh, my gear. No, no, this is, this is basic necessities. Buffy: Giles, you pack like me. Giles: (gives her a little smile) Here. (hands Buffy her scores) I suspect your mother will want to, uh, put it on the refrigerator. Buffy: (puts the report away) Yeah. She saw these scores, and her head spun around and exploded. Giles: (unsure what she meant) I-I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes? Buffy: Yes. She was happy. Giles smiles in relief, and goes over to the cage. Buffy: She started with all this crazy talk about me going to college, maybe someplace else. Inside the cage Giles pauses from pulling down a book. Buffy: I know. I know, I said that you were gonna have a goat. Responsibilities and all. I know the drill. Giles: She may be right. (comes back out of the cage) Buffy: Yeah, I know, I figured you'd... She gives Giles a bewildered look. Buffy: Okay. Be kind, rewind. Giles: With scores like these, Buffy, you could have a first-rate education. I'm, I'm not suggesting that you... ignore your calling, but, um... you need to look to your future. (goes back to the table) And with Faith here, i-i-it may be that you can (draws a breath) move on. For a-a time, at least. (packs the book) Buffy: (unsure how to react) Wow. Giles: Well, let's, um, let's discuss it when I get back. I-in the meantime, um, I'd like you to continue training while I'm, while I'm gone, and, um, please don't do anything rash. Buffy: 'Anything rash', meaning... Giles: (hesitates for an instant) Are you planning on seeing Angel? Buffy: Yes. Actually, I am. (Giles averts his eyes) Look, but there's not gonna be any rash. (realizes how that sounds and gets a look from Giles) Anywhere. (defensively) Okay. We're, we're friends. That's all either of us wants. (looks at Giles seriously) Nothing's gonna happen. Cut outside. Willow and Xander come walking around the corner from the colonnade and through the breezeway. Willow: Something's gonna happen. Xander: Like what? Willow: Uh! It's a mistake! It's a terrible, fatal mistake. I see that now. Xander: It's just bowling. They turn down a covered walkway. Willow: It's *bad* bowling. I-it's a double date, with all of us, and they're gonna know! Xander: How are they gonna know? Willow: It's a very intimate situation. It's all sexy with the smoke and the sweating and the shoe rental... Xander: You're turned on by rented shoes? Willow: That's not the issue. They stop walking, and Xander faces her. Xander: Okay, well, let me ask you this: what are they gonna know? That we're friends. Old, old friends. And maybe we've had one or two indiscretions, but that's all past. Look. We're just very good friends who like to hang out, and can I kiss your earlobe? Willow: No! Well, okay. (jerks away) No! (holds up the dispenser) PEZ! They both pause for a moment to calm down and think. Xander: Maybe bowling might be too much to handle. Man! (strokes her hair) I wish I wasn't so attracted to you. (takes a deep breath) I wish we could make it all stop. Willow: Any suggestions? Cut to the kitchen at Buffy's house. She is making microwave popcorn. Her mother has her hands full of college brochures. Joyce: Carnegie Mellon has a wonderful design curriculum. Oh, and Brown University's history program is... You like history, right? Buffy: Could we talk about this another time? (gets a large bowl) All day it's been like, 'Congratulations! Go away.' (takes the bowl to the island) Joyce: That's not it. It's just you belong at a, a good old-fashioned college with, with keg parties and boys, not here with Hellmouths and vampires. The microwave beeps. Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction. She goes to get the bag of popcorn. Joyce: Y'know, you're always talking about how you wish you could lead a more normal life. Well, this is your chance! Buffy: Yeah, it's just not that simple. (takes the popcorn to the bowl) I have responsibilities. (opens the bag) Joyce: I know, I know, but I spoke with Mr. Giles, and he said... Buffy: ...that Faith could be Miss Sunnydale in the Slayer Pageant. I know. (dumps the popcorn into the bowl) Joyce: It's time to think about your future, Buffy, about your whole life. I mean, honestly, is there anything keeping you here? Cut to Angel's mansion. He's sitting by the fireplace quietly reading "La Nausea", by Jean Paul Sartre. Spike spies on him, peering in between the boards that have been haphazardly nailed across the destroyed doorway to the atrium. Finally Angel closes his book, gets up and walks into a rear hallway. Spike gives him a drunken humph. Spike: (slurred) Yeah, you. You think I'm afraid of you? He steps back from the boards, swaying unsteadily. Spike: We were happy! You brainwashed her. I could just... He looks at his bottle and takes a long drink. When it's empty he tosses it aside in a huff. Spike: Yeah, I'll show *you* who's a cool guy. (starts to leave) You're goin' down. In his drunkenness he trips over one of the flower beds, falls into it and passes out. Cut to dawn. The first red rays of the sun appear over the hills and shine into the atrium. Spike lies in shadow, but his left hand is extended away from his body, and a beam of light nears it as the sun rises. Soon his hand is fully exposed to the light and it begins to smoke. A couple of seconds later it bursts into flame. The new light source shines into Spike's face, and he wakes and sees his hand aflame. Spike: Whoa! He leaps to his feet and runs over to the fountain, screaming all the way. He holds his hands under it, but it's going at just a trickle. Quickly he bends down and jams his hand into the pool of water at its base, dousing the flames. No sooner is that problem gone than he realizes he's standing in shaded but direct sunlight, and he's beginning to smoke elsewhere. He pulls at his heavy overcoat, trying to shade his face, as he scrambles up the stairs and out of the atrium. Cut to inside Spike's car. The rear driver's side door whips open and Spike dives in, right on top of a huge pile of empty beer cans, liquor bottles and other trash. He quickly slams the door shut and grabs a bottle from the front seat. He pulls the cork out with his teeth and pours a generous splash over his b*rned hand. He grunts loudly in pain and takes a good drink. The immediate emergency taken care of, he relaxes a bit and tries to catch his breath. Spike: This is just too much. Cut to a small magic shop. The shopkeeper hears the rear door close and goes to investigate. There she finds Spike looking through one of her books. Shopkeeper: Did you come in through the back? Spike: Yeah. I need a curse. Shopkeeper: A what? Spike: (exasperated) A curse! Y'know, something nasty. Boils. I wanna give him boils all over his face. You know, dripping pustules. Let's really go for the gusto here. Shopkeeper: I'm hearing a lot of negative energy, and I bet... Spike: (interrupts) Leprosy! Alright, a spell that makes his parts fall off. That sounds proper. Shopkeeper: We don't carry... (the front door chimes) leprosy. She turns to see Willow come in through the front door. Shopkeeper: Would you excuse me a moment? She goes to help her new customer. Shopkeeper: Blessed be. Anything in particular I can help you find? Willow: Yeah. (holds up her notepad) It's all here on the list. (reads down the list) Skink root, essence of rose thorn, canary feathers... Shopkeeper: Aha! (smiles) A love spell. Want that old lover to come back to you? (Spike is suddenly interested in their conversation) Are you sure you know what you're doing, hon? Willow: (flustered) No. Oh, I mean, yes! I... I know how to do a love spell, but this is more of an anti-love spell. Yeah. Uh, kind of a de- lusting. The supplies are basically the same, right? Shopkeeper: (smiles) Basically. (starts to gather things) Although raven feathers tend to breed a little more discontent than canary. Let me just get some things... She gathers some bags of herbs, jars of root powders, a feather and whatever else and brings them all to the counter. Spike watches intently from behind the bookcase. Shopkeeper: Okay. Mm-hmm. (adds it up) That'll be $15.80 for the lot. She bags it all while Willow pulls out her money. Willow: Thanks! She takes the bag and leaves. The shopkeeper turns her attention back to Spike and walks back to where she left him. Shopkeeper: (smiling) So, did you find a spell book? Spike jumps out from behind the bookcase all vamped out and grabs her around the neck. The shopkeeper gasps in fright, but can't bring herself to scream. Spike: Forget the book. He leans in for the bite, and they collapse to the floor. When he's sucked her dry he looks back up at the door where he saw Willow go. Spike: I just got a better idea. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale City Hall. Cut to the Mayor's office. The camera is low to the floor. Mayor Wilkins is practicing his putting in the company of his assistant Allan. He taps the ball, and it comes at the camera in a nearly perfect straight line, just missing its target. Mayor Wilkins: Oh, look at that! Every time, cuts to the left. He gets down on his hands and knees to check the lie of the floor. Mayor Wilkins: See, and it's not the carpet. It's me. (gets up to retrieve his ball) I swear, I would sell my soul for a decent short game. (drops the ball for another try) Of course, (chuckles) it's a little late for that. (chuckles) (to Allan) I don't suppose I could offer *your* soul, huh? Really help me on the green. Allan gives him a shocked look. Mayor Wilkins: I'm just funning. So, we have a Spike problem, do we? (takes another sh*t) Allan: He's been spotted back in town. The Mayor's sh*t is on target this time, but comes up short. He lets out a frustrated sigh and goes to retrieve his ball. Allan: And there was an incident at a magic shop in broad daylight. Police had a hell of a time covering it up. Mayor Wilkins: (drops the ball) (laughs) Well, yes, y'know, he was up to all sorts of shenanigans last year. We had a world of fun trying to guess what he'd do next. Allan: I remember. (leans against the Mayor's desk) The Mayor whistles at Allan, who immediately stands back up. Mayor Wilkins: But I guess we're past that now. This year is too important to let a loose cannon rock the boat. Allan: Should I have Mr. Trick send a... committee to deal with this? Mayor Wilkins: Loose cannon. Rock the boat. Is that a mixed metaphor? Allan: (confused) Uh... Mayor Wilkins: (musing out loud) Boats did have cannons. And a loose one would cause it to rock. Oh, honestly. I don't know where my mind goes these days. (chuckles) Why don't you take care of that Spike problem? A committee, like you said. Allan: As good as done. (leaves the office) Mayor Wilkins: That's swell. Fore! He takes another sh*t, and this one is directly on target. He spreads his arms, elated. Mayor Wilkins: Hey! Cut to Angel's mansion. He places another log on the f*re. Buffy is on the couch with a pile of brochures on her lap. Angel: College, huh? Buffy: Higher education. Kind of an intense proposition. Angel: Where do you wanna go? (slowly comes over to her) Buffy: (closes her brochure) I have no idea. My mom was the one that got all these. She's so excited, she can't stop talking about it. (Angel sits across from her) I had a really hard time coming up with an alibi so I could come over here. Angel: She doesn't know about me. Buffy: Big no. She's having enough trouble dealing with the Slayer issue. I don't think she's ready to process the information that... you and I are friends again. Anyway, I think this college jones is just a reaction to the whole Slayer thing. Angel: She wants you to get out. Buffy: Someplace a little less Hellmouthy. (nods) She has a point. (draws a breath) Y'know, but there are reasons to stay, too. Angel: What are they? Buffy: (taken aback) Um... you know, there's my Slayer duties, obviously. What do you think I should do? Angel: As a friend, I... (stands up) I think that you should leave. (goes to the fireplace) This is a good opportunity for you. He leans against the cold stone, facing away from her. Buffy gets up to gather her brochures. Buffy: Yeah. It's not like there's any great thing keeping me here. She stuffs them into her bag. Angel turns around when he hears the papers rustling. Buffy zips her bag closed and pulls it onto her shoulder. Buffy: Thanks for the advice. It's another perspective to consider. Angel: Where are you going? You just got here. It's early. Buffy: Yeah, well, my mom starts worrying a lot earlier these days. I'll stop by soon. She leaves without looking back. Angel watches until she's gone. Cut to the science room at school. It's dark. Willow is grinding the ingredients for the anti-love spell in a ceramic bowl. Xander walks into the dark room and heads toward Willow. Xander: Whoa! It smells like church in here. (sniffs) No, wait... Evil church. Willow: It's just chemistry stuff. An experiment. Xander: So you said when you called. Why do I have to be here? Willow: It'll help you on the exam. You're way behind. Xander: But that's why you love me, right? (bobs his head) Academically dangerous? Willow: (ignores his comment) Here. (hands him a raven feather) Hold this. Xander: A feather. And who will I be tickling? He runs it along Willow's check, and for a moment she enjoys it and giggles, but her rational mind quickly takes over and she gruffly nudges his hand aside. Willow: (warningly) Shush. Xander isn't too happy about that, but knows it has to be that way. Willow checks her spell book. Willow: Okay. Bring mixture to a boil... She lights the Bunsen burner below a flask of liquid. Xander: I assume this isn't going to make us late for our evening of bowling magic? Willow: (jerks up) There's no magic! I mean, bowling, yeah. Cordelia and Oz are gonna meet us here later. Xander: Can we turn these lights on? He notices something familiar about the book Willow is working from and steps around her to get a better look. Xander: Is that a spell book? Willow: (tries to obscure it with her hand) No, no, no! Chemistry book. Xander: Wait a minute. This is love spell stuff! You're doing a love spell? Willow: No! Of course not! This is a purely scientific... Xander picks the book up and shows her its title: "Witchcraft". Willow: ...de-lusting spell... for us. I thought it would go better if you didn't know. Xander: (raises his voice) Are you nuts, or have you forgotten that I tend to have bad luck with these sorts of spells? Willow: (raises hers back) But you said you wished that these feelings could just go away. Xander: Yeah, I wish for a *lot* of things! I told you I wished I was a fireman when we were in sixth grade, but you didn't follow through on that! Willow: I can't do this anymore, Xander! I mean, this whole 'us' thing is... bleagh! Xander: So, do you really need to resort to the black arts to keep our hormones in check? Willow: (calmly) At this point, I'm thinking 'no'. Xander: I'm gonna get the lights, (walks) clean this place up before they get here (clicks them on) and start asking questions. Spike walks into the room behind him and grabs him around the neck. Willow: Xander! Spike starts to choke Xander, who struggles hard, but can't get free. Spike: I need to borrow the little girl. You don't mind, do you? Xander kicks out with his legs against the wall, and shoves Spike and himself across the room and into a metal shelf. Spike isn't fazed, and throws Xander aside to the floor. He tries to get up, but Spike punches him hard. Willow grabs a microscope and comes at Spike with it. He stops her in mid-swing. Spike: thr*at me? That's not nice. (Xander gets back up) We're all gonna be very best friends. He yanks the microscope from Willow's grips and swings it around into Xander's temple. The boy goes down, out cold. Willow: Xander! Cut to Spike's factory. Xander is laid out on what's left of Drusilla's bed. Willow nervously sits on the edge, fidgeting with her hands. Spike dumps a box full of supplies on the bed next to Xander. Spike: A spell. For me. You're gonna do a spell for me. Willow: Uh, what kind of spell? Spike: A *love* spell! Are you brain d*ad? (goes to the dresser) I'm gonna get what's mine. (grabs a bottle) What's mine. (uncorks it) Teach her to walk out on me. He takes several good swallows, then looks over at Willow. Spike: What are you staring at? Willow: (averts her eyes) Nothing. Spike: You can do it, right? You can make Dru love me again? Make her crawl! Willow: I-I can try. Spike: (grabs her neck) What are you talking about, trying? You'll do it! Willow: Yes, I'll do it! He lets go of her and breaks his bottle against a bedpost. He grabs her again and thr*at her with the sharp edges. Spike: You lie to me, and I'll shove this through your face! You want that? Willow: (terrified) No... Spike: Right through to your BRAIN! Willow: No, please, no... He shoves her aside and leans against the bedpost, calming down. Spike: She wouldn't even k*ll me. He drops the broken bottle, walks around Willow and sits down next to her. Spike: She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on f*re. (sniffs) I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? He pauses for a moment to inhale and exhale deeply. Spike: It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! (sniffs) I caught her on a park bench, making out with a *chaos* demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting. He looks at Willow's pretty young face and strokes her silky auburn hair. Spike: She only did it to hurt me. (he takes his hand off of her) So I said, 'I'm not putting up with this anymore.' And she said, 'Fine!' And I said, 'Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!' And then she said... she said we could still be friends. (leans over and sobs on Willow's shoulder) God, I'm so unhappy! Willow: (tentatively pats his knee) There, there. Spike: I mean, friends! How could she be so cruel? He raises his head and looks at her neck. Spike: Mmm. That smell... Your neck... He leans in to take a better whiff and then leans back, now in his game face. Spike: I haven't had a woman in weeks. Willow looks at him and jumps up in fright. Willow: Whoa! No! Hold it! Spike: Well, unless you count that shopkeeper. (stands up) Willow: (panting with fright) Now, now, hold on! I-I'll do your spell for you, and, and, and I'll get you Drusilla back, but, but there will be no bottle-in-face, and there will be no 'having' of any kind with me. Alright? He grabs her by the neck and bends her over, but makes no move to bite her. Instead he reverts to his human guise. Spike: Alright. (pushes her away) Get started. Willow steps around the bed to where Spike dumped the box of supplies. Willow: Now, I'm not a real witch, you know. I-I don't know if this is gonna work right away. Spike: Well, if at first you don't succeed, I'll k*ll him (indicates Xander), and you try again. Willow: (looks through the supplies) This isn't enough. Spike: What? (comes toward her) Willow: (nervously) Well, there are other ingredients, a-and a-a-a book. I need a, a spell book. This isn't it. Spike: You've got one, though, at home? Willow: Not at home. I left it somewhere. Spike: (gets in her face) Where? Cut to the library. Buffy is skipping rope. Suddenly Oz and Cordelia come storming in. Buffy drops her rope and goes to meet them. Cordelia: Thank God you are here. Buffy: Yeah! Not all of us have dates tonight. Oz: Something's up. Cut to the science room. The three of them come in and look at the mess. Cordelia: We were supposed to meet in here. I don't know what could have happened. Buffy finds Willow's botched experiment. Buffy: What is all this stuff? I'm thinking weird science. Cordelia: Was Willow messing with her magic tricks again? Maybe they disappeared. Maybe she turned Xander into something ishy! Buffy: (looks around) Whatever happened, there was obviously a fight. Oz: I don't see any blood. Buffy: Yeah, either they were taken, or they ran, or maybe... Cordelia: (points) You're having too many ors! Pick one! Buffy: I don't know. I need you guys to find Giles, okay? I'm gonna look for them. Maybe they didn't get too far. Cordelia: Where is Giles? Buffy: Uh, he's at a retreat in the clearing in Breaker's Woods. Oz: Yeah, I know the spot, but it's like a forty-five minute drive. Buffy: So motor! They all go on their respective missions. Cut to the library. Buffy strides in and heads straight for the cage and the w*apon cabinet within. She is interrupted by the phone, and rushes over to the counter to answer it. Buffy: Giles? Joyce: (through the phone) Hi, Buffy. You still working out? Buffy: Uh, no, Mom, actually... Joyce: I was hoping that we could schedule a college talk later tonight. I admit I... (cut to her in the kitchen) overreacted before. You don't have to go all the way across the country. (sits at the island) I, um, picked up some brochures from some nearby schools, okay? Buffy: (cut to her) That's great, but now's really not a good time... Spike: (through the phone) Hello, Joyce. Buffy's eyes widen with recognition. Cut to the kitchen. Joyce looks behind her and sees Spike standing in the doorway. Cut to the library. Buffy's expression turns to horror when she realizes that it's Spike. She drops the phone and runs from the library as only a Slayer can. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at the Summers house. Joyce picks up the teakettle from the stove and takes it over to the island, where she pours some into a cup for Spike to make hot chocolate. Spike: So I'm strolling through the park, looking for a meal, and I happen to walk by, and she's making out with the chaos demon! And so I said, 'You know, I don't have to put up with this.' And she said, 'Fine!' So I said, 'Fine, do whatever you like!' I mean, I thought we were going to make up, you know. Joyce: (sits across from him) Well, she sounds very unreasonable. Spike: She is. She's out of her mind. (sniffs) That's what I miss most about her. (smiles) Joyce: Well, Spike, sometimes even when two people seem right for each other, their lives just take different paths. When Buffy's father and I... Spike: (interrupts) No, this is different. Our love was eternal. Literally. (calms down) You got any of those little marshmallows? Joyce: Well, lemme look. She gets up to go check. Cut outside. Angel comes strolling through the neighborhood. He pauses to glance up into Buffy's house, and through the open door sees Spike sitting there with Joyce. Instantly he makes a d*ad run for the door, jumps the porch railing and tries to go in, but is surprised to find himself thrown back. Joyce is startled out of her seat, and she takes a few steps away. Angel growls at Spike in extreme anger. Angel: Spike. Joyce: Oh, my God. Get out of here! Spike: (gets up behind Joyce, smiling) Yeah. You're not invited. Joyce: He's crazy. He'll k*ll us. Spike: Not while I breathe. Well, actually, I don't breathe. (taunts Angel) Angel: Joyce, listen to me. Joyce: You get out of this house, or I will stake you myself. Spike: You're a very bad man. Angel: (seething with anger) Joyce, you can't trust him. Invite me in. Spike makes like he's going to bite Joyce. Angel: You touch her, and I'll cut your head off! Spike: Yeah? You and what army? Buffy comes up behind him. Buffy: That would be me. She knocks Spike onto his back on the island and keeps him pinned there by the throat. Buffy: Angel, why don't you come on in? He steps in, and Joyce begins to panic. Joyce: Oh! Oh, no! She walks around to the far side of the island. Buffy: You shouldn't have come back, Spike. Spike: I do what I please. Joyce: Okay, I-I'm confused again. Spike makes a grab for Buffy's arm. Angel takes Spike's arm, yanks it off of Buffy and pins it to the island. Buffy grabs a wooden stirring spoon and makes a move to stake him. Spike: Willow! Buffy: (stays her thrust) You took Willow. Spike: You do me now, you'll never find the little witch. Joyce: (confused) Willow's a witch? Buffy: And Xander? Spike: Him, too. Joyce: What, Xander's a witch? I... Angel grabs Spike by the coat and lifts him off of the island. Angel: Where are they? Spike: (shoves Angel off) Doesn't work like that, peaches. And when did you become all soul-having again? I thought you outgrew that. (to Buffy) Your friend's gonna work a little magic for me. She does my spell, I let them both go. Buffy: You're not famous for keeping your promises, Spike. Spike: Well, you and your great poof here wanna tag along, that's fine. But you get in my way, and *you* k*ll your friends. Cut to Oz's van. He speeds along the road to Breaker's Woods. Cordelia: What if they were kidnapped by Colombian drug lords? They could be cutting off Xander's ear right now! Or other parts. Oz sniffs the air and stops the van. Cordelia: Hello? Oz sniffs the air some more. Oz: It's Willow. She's nearby. Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume. Oz: She's afraid. He puts the van in reverse and backs up a bit. Cordelia: Oh, my God. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing. Oz: I really agree. He puts the van in drive and turns down a side street. Cut to an alleyway. Buffy, Angel and Spike come walking out. Spike: Look, I just need a few supplies, and then I'll take you to... (stops and grabs his head) Oh, God. Buffy: What's wrong? Not that I care. Spike: Oh... My head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. (bends over) Oh, God. I wish I was d*ad. Buffy: (pulls out a stake) Well, if you close your eyes and wish real hard... Spike: (straightens up) Hey! Back off! Angel: (gets between them) Buffy, we still need him to find the others. Buffy: (lowers her stake) Need him? He's probably just got them locked up in the factory. Spike: Well, hey, how thick do you think I am? Buffy: Fine. Can we just get this over with? She starts down the road. Spike and Angel follow close behind. When they reach a corner, Spike has a flashback when he recognizes a bench. Spike: Oh, God. Angel: Now what? Spike: We k*lled a homeless man on this bench. Me and Dru. Those were good times. He steps over to the bench and sits on it. Spike: (chuckles) You know, he begged for mercy, and you know, that only made her bite harder. He looks to Buffy and Angel for a reaction, but they just stare back blankly. Buffy: I guess you had to be there. She continues on her way. Cut to the magic shop. Buffy kicks the door open and they walk in. There is yellow police tape stretched across the room, separating the counter and the shelves of merchandise from the entry area. Buffy: Your work? She yanks down the police tape and tosses it aside. Spike: Here's your list. (hands it to Buffy) Buffy: (reads) 'Essence of violet, cloves...' Angel? Angel: Right. (starts to look) Buffy: 'Set of runic tablets.' Spike can get the rat's eyes. She and Spike also start looking for ingredients. Spike: I used to bring her rats. With the morning paper. Buffy: Great. More moping. That's gonna get her back. Spike: The spell's gonna get her back. Angel: Lot of trouble for somebody who doesn't even care about you. Spike: Shut your gob! Angel: She really is just kind of fickle. Spike: SHUT UP! He runs at Angel, turns him around and punches him in the face. Angel grabs his arm in mid-swing before he can do it again. Buffy grabs him from behind, and between her and Angel, Spike gets thrown back, though he manages to keep his footing. Spike: (yells) What do you know? It's your fault, the both of you! She belongs with me. (sobs) I'm nothing without her. Buffy: That I'll have to agree with. You're pathetic, you know that? You're not even a loser anymore, you're a shell of a loser. Spike: Yeah. You're one to talk. (goes back to looking for stuff) Buffy: Meaning? Spike: (faces them) The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave. (turns away) Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about. Spike: Oh, yeah. You're just friends. Angel: That's right. Spike: (faces them) You're *not* friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. (points at his temple) Love isn't brains, children, it's blood... (clasps his chest) blood screaming inside you to work its will. Neither Buffy nor Angel want to hear this. Spike: *I* may be love's bitch, but at least *I'm* man enough to admit it. He turns his attention back to finding Willow's ingredients. Buffy's eyes almost meet Angel's, but she quickly averts them. Spike spots what he's looking for. Spike: Hmm! (grabs the bottle) Eye of rat. Cut to the basement at Spike's factory. Willow is pounding against the door with her shoulder, letting out a good grunt each time. After several hits, she hears Xander moan below. She comes down to the bed to check on him. The side of his head is covered in dried blood. Willow: Xander? (sits on the bed) Are you okay? He tries to sit up. Xander: Dizzy. (winces) Kind of nauseous, too. Do I remember having a fight with Spike? Willow: You do. He feels the caked blood on the side of his face. Xander: I won, right? Kicked his ass? Willow: You were real brave. Do you need to barf? Xander: No, I'll be okay. (looks around) Where are we? Willow: The factory. We're locked in the basement. Xander: That burnt-out place in the middle of nowhere? So we're pretty much in a 'scream all you want' scenario. Willow: Pretty much. Xander: Why didn't he just k*ll us? Willow: He-he wants me to do a love spell. Xander: What? Willow: Drusilla broke up with him. Xander: Gee, and we had all hoped those crazy kids would make it work. Willow: He's out of control. I mean, not that he was Joe Restraint in the old days. Xander: (tries again to sit up) So what are our options? (winces) Willow: Well, I figure either... I refuse to do the spell and he kills us, or I do the spell and he kills us. Xander: Give me a third option. Willow: He's so drunk he forgets about us, and we starve to death. That's sort of the best one. Xander: Will, we're not gonna die. (tries to get up, Willow helps) If he's so drunk, he'll get sloppy, and then I'll make my move. (they collapse back onto the bed) As long as my move doesn't involve standing up or using my limbs, we'll be okay. Their fall put them very close to each other, and the temptation to kiss is strong. Willow: We're not supposed to. Xander: Exemption for impending death situation. Willow goes along with that, and they kiss. Xander reaches his arm around her as he lies back. She puts her arm around his shoulder to hold him close. Behind them Oz and Cordelia come down the stairs. Cordelia: Oh, God! Willow immediately rolls off of Xander, and they see them there. Xander: Oh, God. Willow: Oh, God, Oz... Oz: We have to get outta here. Cordelia is heartbroken, and runs up the stairs. Xander: (gets up) Cordy, I... When she gets just over half-way up, the charred stairs give beneath her running feet, and she falls into the space below, onto a rubble pile of old concrete and rebar. Forgetting his pain, Xander scrambles up the steps, followed closely by Oz and Willow. Xander: Cordelia! They look down at her through the gaping hole. Xander: Cordelia! She barely moves, just turning her head to look up through the hole above her. Cordelia: (whispers) I fell... The camera pans from her face over to her abdomen, where a long piece of rusty iron rebar is protruding from her left side, just under her rib cage. Cut to the street outside the magic shop. Spike, Buffy and Angel come out, each holding a bag of love spell ingredients. Buffy: Okay, Spike, we got the stuff. Where are they? Spike: What's your hurry? Buffy: My hurry is my intense desire to get you out of my life. You tend to cause trouble. Spike: I'll be out of your life in a few short hours. No trouble at all. Without any warning they find themselves confronted by one of Spike's former men. Lenny: Hello, Spike. They look around at the g*ng of vampires surrounding them. Buffy: No trouble at all. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The street in front of the magic shop. Buffy, Spike and Angel face off with Lenny and his g*ng. Spike: Lenny. How have you been? Lenny: Better since you left. You should have stayed gone. Spike: Is that right? (tosses his bag aside) Buffy: You know, he was just leaving. (to Spike) Don't you start anything. Spike: This pissant used to work for me. Buffy: (to Angel) The guys are in trouble. We can't risk this. Angel: Look, I don't think we have a choice. Lenny: You other two can walk away from this. Spike: (to Buffy) I die, your chums die. Buffy: (to Lenny) Sorry. We're staying. Lenny: Not for long! Buffy moves first off to her left. Angel reacts instantly and moves off to his right. Buffy throws her shopping bag at one vampire, catching him off guard, and does a front snap kick to his gut. He falls immediately. Another vampire rushes her, and she does a full spinning wheel kick to his face. A vampire swings at Angel, but he ducks it and punches him in the gut. Angel turns around and backhand punches another vampire in the face followed up with an elbow to his gut. A vampire front snap kicks Spike in the chest, sending him flying onto the hood of the car and landing hard on his back. Another vampire enters the fray wielding a length of pipe. He swings it down at Spike, but Spike rolls out of the way and onto his hands and feet, and hops up onto the roof of the car. A vampire gets a firm hold of Angel's sleeve and twists it around, forcing him to do a log roll to the ground. He uses his momentum to roll back up to a standing position. Another vampire lunges at Angel, but he grabs him and lifts him into the air, sending him head first into a nearby garbage can. Another vampire runs at Angel from behind, but he crouches down and sweep kicks him in the legs, making him trip and flip over into a diving shoulder roll. Another vamp joins Spike on the roof of the car, but Spike just punches him d*ad in the face, and he flies backward onto the hood and windshield of the car. A second vampire jumps onto the car and tries to get at Spike. A vampire tries to slam Buffy into a low wall, but she uses her momentum and his leverage to jump sideways over the wall into the outdoor table area of the Espresso Pump. She lands on a table on her back, rolls off and comes up in a standing position. A vampire inside the cafe' rushes her, and she does a full spinning hook kick, which connects with his stomach. A vampire swings at Spike, who is still on top of the car, but misses as Spike redirects the h*t, pushes down on his shoulder and kicks him in the rear, causing him to fall onto the trunk of the car and slide off the back. Buffy side kicks a vampire in the neck, and he flies backwards into some chairs. A vampire comes straight for Spike. He sidesteps him and sticks his arm straight out, which the vampire runs right into, causing him to flip underneath the arm, land on the hood of the car and roll off. A vampire swings at Angel with a pipe, but misses. On the next swing, Angel grabs hold of the pipe and twists it around, wresting it from the vampire's grip and knocking him out cold. Angel spins halfway around and slams the end of the pipe into another vampire's crotch. The force of the blow lifts him from the ground. Angel drops the pipe and punches the vampire in the face, sending him spinning to the pavement. A vampire jumps over a chain into the cafe'. Buffy sees him coming, grabs a round metal table and swings it at him, smacking him hard in the face and knocking him to the floor. Buffy looks around for a w*apon and spies a mop by the wall. She stomps on the base, breaking the mop head off and leaving her with a long wooden pole. As a vampire att*cks again, she swings the pole at his stomach, and he falls to the floor. As the other one tries to get up again, Buffy slams the pole down onto his face, sending him back to the floor also. Spike has a vampire by both arms and twists him around, making him fall in a spin onto the roof of the car and then roll off onto the sidewalk. Behind him another vampire jumps up onto the hood of the car with a length of pipe. Buffy swings her pole at a vampire and gets him in the stomach. Spinning around to face another one, she slams the pole into his head and roundhouse kicks him in the side, sending him stumbling into a wall. A third vampire jumps in and tries to front snap kick her. His kick is too weak and she's able to block it with her pole. Then she thrusts it up into his neck and throws him to the wall as well. He lands against the other vampire, and Buffy shoves her makeshift stake through both of them. She lets go of the pole and runs out of the cafe' as they simultaneously explode into ashes. Angel has a firm grip on a vampire's collar and punches him hard in the face, sending him spinning wildly to the ground. They all notice that they are temporarily without opponents, and so regroup in front of the magic shop, but it doesn't take long for several members of the g*ng to surround them. Buffy makes a break for the shop's door while Angel and Spike slowly back in that direction as well. At the last instant they also run into the shop and slam the door closed as the g*ng of vampires gives chase. Once inside, Buffy heads behind the counter to see what she can find for a w*apon. Spike and Angel grab one of the bookcases and slide it over against the front window. Behind the counter Buffy smashes the shopkeeper's chair, and picks up the legs to use as stakes. She comes back out from behind the counter and yells for the others to join her. Buffy: Go! She hands them each a chair leg, and the three of them make their stand, just waiting for the already teetering bookcase to give and the g*ng to storm into the shop. Spike: This should be a kick. Buffy: I violently dislike you. Suddenly the back door is kicked in, and a vampire comes in. Angel turns and att*cks. The vampire lunges at him, but Angel ducks and gets underneath him, lifting him and sending him flying over his head and onto a table arrayed with books and candles. Two more vampires rush in and make their way toward Buffy. Angel slams the back door closed, and leans against it. Buffy push kicks the rolling ladder used to reach the upper shelves, and it smashes into the two vampires coming at her, knocking them to the floor. The first vampire is off of the table and tackles Spike into a wall of shelves filled with jars. Several of them break and Spike and the jars go crashing to the floor. Angel struggles to keep the door closed. One of the vampires who came after Buffy swings at her, but he misses as she steps behind the sliding ladder. He punches again, this time through the rungs, but she sidesteps it. Cut to the factory. Xander slowly climbs down into the hole to be with Cordelia. Willow: Be careful. Xander: Yeah. Willow: Don't move, Cordy! Oz went to get help! Xander gets through and drops himself down to the concrete below. Cut to the magic shop. Buffy grabs the arm that the vampire punched through the rungs of the ladder and holds onto it as she swings her stake home. She pulls it back out and lets go, and he bursts into ashes. She then turns her attention to her other attacker and roundhouse kicks him in the face as he's trying to get up. She grabs him by the shirt and shoves his head into a display case, breaking the glass, then yanks him up through the glass top as well. She pulls the dazed vampire around and shoves his head between the rungs of the ladder and push kicks it away. The back door is beginning to give, and so is the bookcase at the front window. Buffy: (to Angel) We need to get out of here! Angel: Can we get to the roof? Buffy scans the ceiling for a possible way out. Just then the back door finally gives. Angel is knocked to the floor, and the heavy door falls on top of him. Lenny steps on top of it, scans the room quickly and heads straight for Spike. Behind him another vampire runs in, and Buffy rushes to engage him. She roundhouse kicks him in the face and tries to follow up with a backhand punch. He blocks the h*t and wraps his arm around hers and yanks her arm downward. She yanks back up and pulls her arm free, and punches him twice in the face. Angel lies dazed under the door. Lenny reaches Spike and immediately punches him hard in the face, making him jerk aside but not fall. Lenny: Yeah. I heard you'd gone soft. Sad to see it, man. Spike: (incredulous) Soft? Lenny: Yeah, like baby food. Behind Spike the vampire he'd been fighting gets up. Spike: (smiling) Well, then, let's give baby a taste. He does a back kick hitting the vampire behind him in the groin. Lenny tries to punch, but Spike ducks and punches him instead. Spike spins around and backhand punches the vampire behind him in the face, who falls immediately. He ducks another punch from Lenny, grabs onto his jacket, pulls him around roughly and smashes his face into the table. Buffy punches her vampire in the gut and high punches him in the face. While he's stunned, she grabs onto his head and yanks it around and down to her left side, flipping him over onto his back. She runs over to Angel, pushes the heavy door off of him and helps him up. Angel: I'm alright. Buffy: You're not up to your full strength yet. He sees the bookcase at the front window shake violently. Angel: That window's about to go. He spies what may be the answer. Angel: Buffy. On a shelf they see several dozen small bottles of Holy Water. Cut to Spike repeatedly smashing Lenny's head onto the table. Spike: Baby like his supper? Baby like his supper? He lifts Lenny and flips him over onto the table on his back. Spike: Why doesn't baby have a nap? He raises his stake high and plunges it violently into Lenny's chest. Lenny looks stunned as he bursts into ashes. Spike smiles with the thrill of the k*ll. Behind him Buffy yells out a warning. Buffy: Spike! Get down! He ducks to the floor as the bookcase at the front finally gives way and falls with a crash, along with plenty of broken window glass. Spike looks up to see the vampires storm the shop. They quickly realize their peril as Buffy and Angel begin throwing the bottles of Holy Water at them like grenades. They break when they h*t, spraying the vampires and burning them. Spike catches some wayward drops and quickly pulls his coat over his face and stays down. The burning Holy Water soon has the attacking vampires making a hasty, screaming retreat. Spike stands back up and watches them run, letting out a breath of satisfaction. Spike: Now, that was fun. He faces Buffy and Angel only to get disbelieving looks. Spike: (smiling) Oh, don't *tell* me that wasn't fun. (chuckles) Oh, God! It's been so long since I had a decent spot of v*olence. (stops and considers) Really puts things in perspective. Angel bends over in pain and weakness, and Buffy moves to gently support him. Spike: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah. You two. Just friends. No danger there. Buffy: Could we just do the damn spell now? Spike: Oh, sod the spell. (waves it off) Your friends are at the factory. Buffy and Angel can't believe their gullibility. Spike: (smiling) I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, (stands proud) the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, t*rture her until she likes me again. He walks past them toward the back door. Just before he goes out he turns back. Spike: (smiles thoughtfully) Love's a funny thing. He heads out the back. Cut to the factory. Cordelia moans as Xander gets down next to her. Xander: (very worried) Cordy... Please hold on. (strokes her hair) Cordelia: (weakly) Xander? (looks blankly) I can't see you... Her head rolls to the side and she exhales. Xander thinks her lost. Xander: Cordy! From above Willow sees Cordelia's body just lie seemingly lifeless. Cut to a cemetery. A funeral is being held, attended by about twenty- five people dressed in black. The camera pans down from above as the priest reads from his book. Priest: He created all things in order that they might exist. And the generative forces of this world are wholesome, and there is no destructive poison in them. For the dominion of Hades is not on Earth, for righteousness is immortal. The camera reaches the ground and focuses on Buffy and Willow walking along a street. Buffy: So Cordelia's gonna be okay? Willow: She lost a lot of blood. None of her vitals were punctured. Buffy: Has she talked to Xander yet? Willow: She wasn't allowed to have visitors at first. He's gonna see her today. Buffy: And Oz? Willow: I never knew there was anything inside me that could feel this bad. For the longest time, I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted everything. And now... I just... I just want him to talk to me again. Buffy: Just give it some time. And be prepared for some groveling. Willow: Oh, I'm ready. I'm all *over* groveling. Buffy: Good. Because, you know, I hear sometimes it works. Cut to Cordelia's hospital room. She is lying awake in bed, her head facing away from the door. Xander arrives holding a huge bouquet of flowers and knocks on the door. Xander: Can I come in? He gets no response, so he just comes in. Xander: They wouldn't let me see you until now. He lays the bouquet on the table where she can see them. Xander: Those are flowers. He sits in the chair next to her bed. She slowly turns her head to face him. Xander: Look, Cordy, I want you to know that I... Cordelia: (weakly) Xander? Xander: (hopefully) Yeah. Cordelia: Stay away from me. She turns her head back. Xander looks down at his lap, then gets up to go. At the door he looks back one final time, before heading down the hall. When he's gone, she begins to cry. Cut to Angel's mansion. He sits in the atrium waiting for Buffy to come visit. When he hears her footsteps he turns to see her step through the makeshift door and stop just inside the atrium. Angel: Hey. (stands up) I was wondering when you were coming. Buffy: I'm not coming back. Angel just looks at her. Buffy: We're not friends. We never were. And I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends, but I can't fool myself. (shakes her head) Or Spike, for some reason. What I want from you I can never have. You don't need me to take care of you anymore. So I'm gonna go. Angel: I don't accept that. Buffy: You have to. Angel: How can... He takes a step toward her, and she backs away. Angel: There's gotta be some way we can still see each other. Buffy: There is: tell me that you don't love me. Knowing that saying those words would be a lie, Angel instead says nothing. After a long moment, Buffy turns and goes back into the mansion and leaves. Angel sits down on the edge of one of the flower beds, staring sadly out into space. Cut to Willow's room. She sits on the floor against her bed, her knees drawn up to her chest and her toes pointed inward, staring at her PEZ witch as she idly plays with it. Cut to the Bronze. Oz sits on one of the pool tables, his guitar in hand, but unable to play as he, too, stares sadly off into space. Cut to the library. Xander tries to make himself useful reshelving books. He takes an armful of them into the cage and sorts them onto the reshelving cart. He stops for a moment, leans against the cart and stares out into the room beyond the cage. Cut to Cordelia's hospital room. She lies still in her bed with her right hand against her temple, stroking herself there as she stares blankly at the ceiling. Cut to the quad at school. Buffy sits alone at a bench, looking sadly down at the ground as other students pass by. Cut to a highway out of town. Spike's car races by with Gary Oldman's version of "My Way" blaring on the radio. Cut inside. Spike rocks along and screams the lyrics as he smokes and defies the daylight, driving with only his blackened windows to protect him. Spike: I plan each charted course / Each little step along the highway / And more, much more than this Cut outside. The car speeds along the nearly empty highway. Spike: I did it my way

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x08 - Lovers Walk"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Dublin, Ireland, 1838. It's Christmas time, and there is snow on the ground. The people in the streets are all dressed in warm cloaks. A carriage goes by. Behind it a very worried-looking young man hurries along the street. He constantly looks back to see if he's being followed. He passes a choir group singing "Silent Night", but pays them no mind. In a more crowded area he pushes his way through the people, eliciting a few comments on his rudeness. Suddenly a pair of arms reach out from an alleyway, pull him in and throw him to the snow-covered cobblestones. He looks up to see who his aggressor is, and finds Angelus standing over him, sporting his game face. Angelus: Daniel. Where were you going? Daniel: (afraid) You! You're not human. Angelus: (agreeably) Not of late, no. Daniel: (begs) Wh-what do you want? Angelus: Well, it happens that I'm hungry, Daniel, and seeing as that you're somewhat in me debt... Daniel: (frightened) Please, I can't! Angelus: A man playing at cards should have a natural intelligence or a great deal of money, and you're sadly lacking in both. Daniel tries to get up and flee, but Angelus grabs him by the coat and roars. Angelus: So I take me winnings me own way. Daniel: (looking up, terrified) The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures... Angelus: (interrupts) Daniel, be of good cheer. It's Christmas! He bites him violently on the neck. Cut to Angel's bedroom. He wakes from his dream with a start, and after realizing it was only a dream, he sits up in bed. Cut to a Sunnydale shopping district. In the window of an audio/video store a TV is tuned to the weather. Weatherman: It's going to be sunny and warm with temperatures continuing in the high 70s (about 25C) throughout the holiday weekend. Just a little warm to light the Yule log, but it should make for a very nice Christmas. Angel walks past the shop window at a brisk pace and crosses the street. Somewhere on the block is a group of carolers singing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen". Angel passes a Santa Claus ringing a bell and collecting for the Salvation Army. A passerby drops some coins into his pot. Santa: Merry Christmas! Angel stops short when he unexpectedly runs into Buffy. They are both surprised, and don't say anything for a moment. Angel breaks the silence. Angel: Hi. Buffy: Angel... Another awkward silence sets in for a while. Buffy: So, are you shopping? (realizes how silly that sounds) You're probably not shopping. Angel: I couldn't sleep. Buffy: Vampires probably not that big on Christmas, now that I think about it. Angel: Not as a rule. Buffy: But you're good? Angel: I'm, I'm alright. You? Buffy: Yeah! (smiles) Yeah, I'm good. I, um, (looks down at the boxes she's carrying) I was just getting some Christmas gifts for the g*ng. Angel's attention is diverted to behind Buffy. In the middle of the street he sees an apparition of Daniel looking sadly back at him. Buffy: Um, I'd better go before the magic store closes. Angel and Daniel exchange a long look, then Daniel walks away. Buffy notices Angel's distraction. Buffy: Angel? She looks behind herself and sees nothing, then turns her concerned attention back to Angel. Buffy: What is it? Angel is frozen with fear. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. The bell rings, and students begin to pour out of the classrooms into the halls. Buffy, Willow and Xander come out of one and head over to the girls' lockers. Buffy: And then he just bailed. He didn't say anything. He just took off. It was so weird. The girls both work their locker combinations. Xander: Angel? Weird? What are the odds? (gets a look from Buffy) Willow: Do you think something's wrong? Maybe you should tell Giles. They both open their lockers and get what they need. Buffy: No. I don't wanna bug Giles. He's still kinda twitchy when it comes to the subject of Angel. She takes off her jacket and hangs it in her locker. Xander: Well, it must be that whole Angel-k*lled-his-girlfriend-and- tortured-him thing. Hey, Giles is pretty petty when it comes to stuff like that. Buffy takes a paper bag from her locker and then closes the door. Buffy: Xander, enough, okay? Willow zips up her book bag and closes her locker as well. They all start down the hall. Willow: Maybe Angel just has the holiday blues. Everybody gets 'em. Especially when they're alone. Buffy: It's just so frustrating. I'm trying to do the right thing and stay away from him and get over it, and then *boom*, there he is. I just want a nice, quiet Christmas vacation. Cut to the student lounge. A Christmas tree is set up there. The g*ng comes out of an adjacent hall and heads into the lounge. Xander: So, you doing anything special? Buffy: Tree. Nog. Roast beast. Just me and Mom and hopefully an excess of gifts. What are you doing for Christmas? Willow: Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everybody worships Santa. Buffy: (smiles) I just meant for vacation. Willow: Mm. Nothing fun. They take the steps up to the couches. Willow: Oz and I had planned... but I guess that's off. Cordelia is sitting on one of the couches with a friend. Xander is instantly nervous. Buffy takes her bag over to the Holiday Food Drive collection box behind the couches and starts pulling cans of food out of her bag and putting them in the box. Willow and Xander sit on the couch opposite Cordelia. Xander: (with false heartiness) Well, I'll be enjoying my annual Christmas Eve camp-out. See, I take my sleeping bag outside and I go to sleep on the grass. Cordelia and her friend stand up. Her friend steps over to the stairs and waits, while Cordelia hangs around to add her point of view. Willow: Sounds fun. Xander: Yeah, I like to look at the stars, you know? Feel the whole nature vibe. Cordelia: (smiling smugly) I thought you slept outside to avoid your family's drunken Christmas fights. Xander gives her a look like he expected no less from her. Xander: Yes. And that was a confidence I was hoping you would share with everyone. (smiles sarcastically) Buffy joins the group again. Cordelia: Well, I'll be in Aspen. Skiing. With actual snow. Buffy: I hear that helps. Cordelia: It must be a drag to be stuck here in Sweatydale, but I'm thinking of you. Okay, I'm done. She leaves wearing a shark smile, well-satisfied with her results. Buffy: She certainly has reverted to form. Willow: It's not her fault. Mm, after what happened, we gotta cut her some slack. Xander: That's the Christmas spirit. Willow: Hello, still Jewish. Chanukah spirit, I believe that was? Anyway, forgiveness is pretty much a big theme with me this year, 'cause of the... She stops when she sees Oz come up to the group. Oz glances over at Xander, who is suddenly quite uncomfortable. Oz turns his attention to Willow. Oz: Hey. Willow: Hey. (looks at him hopefully) Cut to an empty classroom. Willow sits on one end of the teacher's desk while Oz leans against the other and looks blankly out into the room. Oz: Okay. The thing is... seeing you with Xander, it was... Well, I never felt that way before... when it wasn't a full moon... but I know you guys have a history. Willow: But it's a history that's in the past. Well, I-I guess most history is in the past. But it's over. Oz: Well, I don't know. I don't know that it... ever will be between you two. Willow: (imploringly) Oz, please believe me. Oz: (looks at her) This is what I do know: I miss you. Like, every second. Almost like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso. So, I think I'd be willing to... give it a sh*t. Willow: (stands up and smiles tentatively) Really? Oz: (stands up and smiles) Yeah. Willow smiles more warmly. Willow: Do you want us to... to hug now? (looks at him hopefully) Oz: (smiles) Yeah, I'm good for that. They step closer to each other and hug tightly, Oz with one arm around her back and the other gently caressing her head, while Willow holds onto him as tightly as she can, enfolding him in her arms. Cut to a Christmas Tree lot. Buffy and her mother walk through trying to find the right one. Other shoppers are also selecting trees. Shopper: Take the other one, then. Off to one side the tree merchant is spraying fake snow onto a tree. Joyce looks over one of the snowed trees. Joyce: Do you wanna get one with snow on it? Be very Christmasy. They continue through the tree lot. Buffy: I think those are just for display. Joyce: Oh. You know, honey, I was thinking. Maybe we should invite Faith to spend Christmas Eve with us. Buffy: I don't know. Faith and I don't really hang out. Or talk or make eye contact lately. Joyce: (looks over another tree) Do you really wanna let her spend Christmas Eve all by herself in that dingy little motel room? Buffy: (smiles) You're still number one with a guilt trip, Mom. Joyce: I try. Buffy: (gives in) I'll ask her. Joyce: You're a doll. Buffy: What about Giles? I mean, he doesn't have any fam... Joyce: (interrupts) No, I'm sure he's fine. Buffy: We could at least ask him and see... Joyce: He doesn't wanna spend Christmas Eve with a bunch of girls. (takes a deep breath) Let's split up. She goes off to her right. Buffy sighs and continues looking. She notices an area where a bunch of the trees are all brown, and walks over to them for a closer look. The tree merchant comes up to her. Tree merchant: Bunch of them up and died on us. Don't know why. If you want one, I can make you a hell of a deal. Buffy: No, thank you. Joyce: (from a distance) Oh, honey, this one's perfect! Buffy goes to see what her mother has found. Cut to another dream sequence. Images of a f*re and burning candles float around. The image of a round table with candles at its center and ritualistic artifacts arranged to form three spokes upon it, all surrounded by a circle, appears. Three chanting figures are sitting round the table, their palms placed flat upon the table's rim, as if using a Ouija board. The table and figures float by several times. Suddenly the view angles up from the table and into the face of one of the three figures. It has no eyes, but instead has runes branded in the flesh where eyes should be. Cut to Angel's bedroom. He wakes with a gasp, frightened and breathing hard. Again he realizes it's only a dream, and rubs his head with his hands. Cut to Faith's motel. Cut inside her room. She's struggling with the TV, slapping and shaking it to try to get some reception, but gets nothing. There is a knock at her door. Faith: Yeah? Buffy opens the door and comes in. Faith: Hey, what's up? (to the TV) Work, damn it! Buffy: (closes the door) Hey. Faith gives up and turns off the TV. She stands up and faces Buffy. Faith: What's going on? Scary monsters? Buffy: No. Um, (steps further in) we're having Christmas Eve dinner at my house, and I thought that, um, if you didn't have plans... Faith: (smiles sharply) Your mom sent you down, huh? Buffy: (taken aback) No. Faith: Well, thanks, but I got plans. There's this big party I've been invited to. It should be a blast. (smiles evasively) Buffy: (unconvinced) Okay. Cool. But if you change your mind, the offer... Faith: That's nice of you. Thanks. But I got... I got that big party that I've been invited to, so... (smiles dismayingly) Buffy steps toward the door, but looks around and notices the Christmas lights that Faith has strung up around the room. Buffy: (quietly approving) I like the lights. Faith: Yeah. Well, 'tis the season. Whatever that means. Cut to Giles' kitchen. He's cooking dinner, and takes a taste. There's a knocking at his door. Giles: Just a minute! He goes to the door, opens it and is surprised to see Angel standing there. For a long moment neither of them says anything. Giles: Hello. Angel: Um... I'm sorry to bother you. Giles finds himself unable to keep from laughing bitterly. Giles: Sorry. Coming from you that phrase strikes me as rather funny. 'Sorry to bother me.' Angel: I need your help. Giles: (straight-faced) And the funny keeps on coming. Angel: (swallowing his pride) I understand I have no right to ask for it, but there's no one else. Giles: Alright. He walks back into the apartment and tosses his kitchen towel onto the counter. He heads down the hall. Angel: I... I can't come in unless you invite me. Giles returns from the hall, holding a crossbow and raising it at the ready. Giles: I'm aware of that. He walks back to the door. Giles: Come in. Slowly and not without reservation Angel steps into the apartment. Giles' aim does not waver. Angel: I've been seeing... (distracted) I've... I've had dreams lately about the past. It's... It's like I'm living it again. It's, it's so vivid, I... I need to know. (pleading) I need to know why I'm here. Giles: Here? Back on Earth? Angel: I should be in a demon dimension suffering an eternity of t*rture. Giles: I don't feel particularly inclined to argue with that. Angel: But I'm not. I was freed, and I don't understand why. Giles: Knowing why you were back would give you peace of mind? Angel: It might. Giles decides it's probably okay to put down his w*apon, and bends to his side to set the crossbow down. Behind him Angel sees an apparition of Jenny Calendar. Giles: You think that's something you ought to have? Jenny looks at Angel sadly. Angel begins to shiver with fear. Giles: Because, sir, to be blunt, the last time you became complacent about your existence turned out rather badly. Angel sees Jenny stroke her hand down Giles' shoulder and sigh. Giles doesn't notice a thing. Angel begins to pant with short rapid breaths. Giles notices the look of fear on his face focused behind him. Giles: What? He looks around his apartment, completely unaware of Jenny's presence. Angel: Don't you see her? He sees Jenny walk around Giles. Giles: Who? Angel begins to make his way to the door. Jenny follows him with her stare. He begins to freak out. Angel: I can't! He runs out of the door into the night. Giles is left standing there very confused. Cut to Angel's mansion. Cut to his bedroom. He sleeps fitfully. Suddenly his dream flashes back to Dublin again at a dinner party. The affair is very formal. The camera moves through the house while the guests converse. At the stairs the camera angles up to follow a woman as she climbs them while two other guests come down. The camera angles back down and underneath, where Angelus is talking with a maid. Margaret: (nervous) Sir, please, I should return to the party. Angelus: Margaret, Margaret, there's no hurry. Margaret: (trying to pull away) Mistress will be wondering... Angelus: Shh. Mistress will be wondering how to get the good Reverend Chalmers into bed and will not notice the absence of canape'. (strokes her chin) Stay with me. Margaret: (worried) Sir, people might talk. I'll be put out in the streets. My little boy would... I can't lose this job. Angelus: (grabs her firmly) Then you must keep quiet. Margaret: You're hurting me! Angelus: Ah! Cry out. Call for help. I'm sure Mistress will believe your behavior beyond reproach. (sneers) Margaret: Please! Angelus: (shakes her) Come, make a scene, huh? Shall *I*? Margaret: (thinks better of it) No. Angelus: No, no. We'll be as quiet as mice. Margaret looks down, defeated, having no choice but to give in. When she looks back up at him he's in his vampire guise. Angelus: No matter what. Margaret: (terrified) Sir! My son! Angelus: Oh, he'll make a fine dessert, huh? She gasps as he grabs her roughly and bites her. He drinks her dry, and lets her body collapse to the floor. When he looks up he is shocked to see a witness to his deed: Buffy. She stares back at him, also in shock. Cut to Angel's bedroom. He wakes with a sudden jerk and gasps. Cut to Buffy's bedroom. She awakens with a startled twist of her head and stares into the darkness of her room, surprised and confused. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Angel's mansion. Unable to sleep, he walks out of a hall into the main room, pulling on a T-shirt. There standing at the opposite end of the room by the doorway to the atrium is Jenny. Jenny: (with false sympathy) Trouble sleeping? Angel: You're not here. Jenny: (slowly comes closer) I'm always here. Angel: Leave me alone. He sits down on the cold marble on one side of the great fireplace. Jenny: I can't. You won't let me. Angel: What do you want? Jenny: I wanna die in bed surrounded by fat grandchildren, but guess that's off the menu. Angel: (can't face her) I'm sorry. Jenny: You're sorry? For me? Don't bother. I'm d*ad. I'm over it. (crouches down next to him) If you wanna feel sorry for someone, you should feel sorry for yourself. Oh, but I guess you've already got that covered. Angel: I am sorry... for what I've done. What else can I say to you? She puts her hand to his temple and strokes it. With her next sentence she transforms to the likeness of Daniel. Jenny/Daniel: I don't wanna make you feel bad. Daniel: I just want to show you who you are. Cut to Giles' office at the library. Giles: You had a dream about Angel. Buffy: I was *in* Angel's dream. Giles: (takes off his glasses) I'm not sure that's... Buffy: Giles, there was stuff in this dream that I couldn't possibly know about. It was Angel's past, he was dreaming it, and somehow I got sucked in. Giles looks up at Buffy. Buffy: There's something wrong with him. He looks down, then draws and releases a measured breath. Giles: I know. I've seen him. He wanted to know why he was back. Buffy: Is there a way for us to find that out? Giles: Uh, possibly. I-I've been looking. (puts his glasses back on) Buffy: Well, let me look, too. Giles gives her an inquiring glance. Buffy speaks with an in-your-face honesty, meeting Giles' coldly appraising eyes with her own steady gaze. Buffy: I'm not seeing him anymore. I'm trying to put all this behind me, and I'm not gonna be able to as long as we're both doing guest spots in each other's dreams. Giles leans back in his chair and considers the truth of that. Buffy: So we'll help him? Giles: (realizes he has no choice) Yes. Xander: (walks into the office) Where do we start? He gets surprised looks from Giles and Buffy. Xander: (abashed) Look, I'm aware I haven't been the mostest best friend to you when it comes to the whole Angel thing, and, um, I don't know, maybe I finally got the Chanukah spirit. Giles: (stands up) Well, we start, not surprisingly, with research. (goes to a small bookcase) Xander, um, (hands him a book) the Black Chronicles. And, uh, Buffy, (hands her a book) the diary of Lucious Temple, an acolyte of Acathla, expert on demons. You can skip the passages on his garden unless you're keen on growing heartier beets. Buffy and Xander head out into the main room. Buffy: Are you sure this is how you wanna spend your Christmas vacation? Xander: Yeah, this is actually the most exciting thing I've got planned. Who else can claim that pathetic a social life? Willow: (walks in smiling) Hey, guys. What are we doing? Cut to later. The three of them are all at the center table doing research. Giles drops off a few more books for them to look through. Dissolve to them having a discussion using the whiteboard. Dissolve to Xander arriving with a pizza and dropping it on the table. Dissolve to more researching with the pizza half eaten. Dissolve to later with just Willow and Buffy at the table. Willow: He's gonna come over on Christmas Eve 'cause my parents are out of town. We're gonna watch videos. Buffy: That's good, right? (they exchange a look) You guys are back. Willow: It's good. It's perfect. In an awkward, uncomfortable sort of way. (Buffy gives her a sympathetic look) I just don't know how to make Oz trust me. Buffy: Xander has a piece of you that Oz just can't touch. I guess now it's just about showing Oz that he comes first. Willow: (considers that) I guess. Thanks. (reads) Hey, he likes beets. Buffy: I read that one already. (sighs) We're not getting any closer. Cut to Angel's mansion. He falls to the floor, clammy, shivering, and panting in horror. Another one of his victims, a businessman, paces past him. Businessman: The thing I remember most was thinking how artful it was. In the dark, they looked just like they were sleeping. It wasn't until I bent down and kissed them good night that I felt how cold they were. You grabbed me, and I thought, (faces Angel) who would go to so much trouble to arrange them like that? Angel looks up at him. The businessman crouches and transforms into Margaret. Margaret: But you see, that's what makes you different than other beasts. They k*ll to feed, but you took more kinds of pleasure in it than any creature that walks or crawls. Angel: Oh, God! Margaret: (mocking him) Yeah, cry out. Make a scene. Angel jumps to his feet and tries to run away, but finds Daniel standing in his way. Daniel: I was to be married that week, but then, as I recall, you knew that. Angel: It wasn't me. Daniel transforms into Jenny. Jenny: It wasn't you? Angel: A demon isn't a man. I was a man once. Jenny: (derisively) Oh, yes, and what a man you were. Angel is forced to flash back to the days before he became a vampire, in a bar, singing and drinking, pulling at a woman's dress before passing out and falling to the floor. The flashback is over, and Margaret is standing before him again. Margaret: A drunken, whoring layabout, and a terrible disappointment to your parents. Angel: I was young. I never had a chance to... Margaret: To die of syphilis? You were a worthless being before you were *ever* a monster. Angel can't take much more, and he holds his hands to his ears. Angel: Stop it! Stop... Margaret transforms to Jenny, and she puts her hands on his, gently taking them away from his ears. Jenny: I don't wanna hurt you, Angel, but you have to understand. Cruelty's the only thing you ever had a true talent for. Angel: That's not true. Jenny: Shh. (leads him to the coffee table) Rest. (gently gets him to lie down) Rest. (walks around him) You mistake it for a curse, Angel, but it's not. It's your destiny. She sits down by his head and strokes his hair. Jenny: I'll show you. I'll show you. Dissolve to Sunnydale High. Cut to the library. Xander yawns in his chair behind the checkout counter and goes back to researching his book. The camera pans over to the window to Giles's office. Willow is asleep in a chair. Giles gets up from his desk to get another book. Dissolve to the stacks. The camera moves into them to a sleeping Buffy, with several books lying on the floor around her. She rolls from her side onto her back. Dissolve to Angel's mansion. He rolls over onto his back also. In a flash of bright light they are both sharing a dream. Buffy is lying in her bed, and she slowly opens her eyes. Angel is sitting at her side, looking down at her, waiting for her to awaken. He reaches for Buffy's hand with his. They touch fingertips briefly before intertwining their fingers and clasping hands. Next Buffy is facing Angel, sitting on his lap with her legs circling round his waist. They are kissing passionately, holding each other as closely as possible, caressing each other tenderly. Buffy tugs at Angel's shirt, and he helps her pull it up and off, baring his chest. In the real world Angel turns again on the coffee table. Now it is Angel's turn to slip the satin pajama top from Buffy's shoulders. They hold each other tightly as they kiss longer and more intensely. In the real world Buffy moans and turns her head while lying on the library floor. Buffy and Angel are lying in bed together, making gentle passionate love. They change positions as Angel rolls on top of her, the muscles of his back flexing under his tattoo. They caress each other for several moments. Angel tenderly kisses Buffy where her neck joins her shoulder, and he slides his hand up and along her outstretched arm, reaching and clasping her hand as they continue making love. Suddenly, over Angel's shoulder, Buffy sees the eyeless priest from her previous dream, sightlessly observing them from where he's standing at her door. There are several sudden flashes of light. Angel removes his hands from their tender clasp and then, as a thunderclap is heard, grabs Buffy's wrists hard, forcibly pinning her down to the bed. He rises over her and transforms into his vampire guise, and then bites her savagely on the neck. Cut to the library. Buffy wakes in startled shock. Cut to Angel's mansion. He wakes and sits bolt upright, drawing a hard breath. Jenny is still sitting next to him. Jenny: You want her? Angel: (panting) No. Jenny: (insistently) Take her. Take what you want. Pour all that frustration and all that guilt into *her*, and you'll be free. Angel: No. Jenny: You can't live for eternity with *all that pain*. This is what you are. This is why we brought you back. Take her! And then you'll be ready... (moves in to his ear) ...to k*ll her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Buffy walks out of the stacks and down the stairs. Giles: Here, Buffy. Take a look. He goes to the table with a pile of very old and worn sheets of paper. Giles: These letters contain references to a, a, an ancient power known as The First. Buffy: First what? Giles: Evil. Absolute evil, older than man, than demons. It could have had the power to bring Angel back. Buffy: These guys, (picks up one of the letters with sketches of the eyeless priest) I-I saw them in my dream. I, I fell asleep up there. Giles: You had another dream? With Angel? (Buffy nods) What happened? Buffy: (evasively) Oh, we don't need to get sidetracked. Who are these guys? Giles: Um, they're known as the, uh, (sits) as the Bringers o-o-or Harbingers. They're high priests of The First. They, uh, they can conjure spirit manifestations and set them on people, influence them, haunt them. Buffy: These are the guys working the mojo on Angel? Xander comes out from behind the counter. Xander: We gotta stop them. Giles: Y-you can't fight The First, Buffy. It's not a-a physical being. Buffy: Well, I-I can fight these priest guys. Xander: If we can find them. Cut to Willy's bar. He's wiping down a few bottles and putting them away when he sees Buffy and Xander enter the bar. Willy: (loudly so everyone hears) Hey! It's the Slayer. What brings the, uh, Slayer down here? Several vampires at the bar get up and quietly leave. Buffy: (goes up to the bar) Hey, Willy, how you been? Willy: (pours a drink for a customer) Keeping out of trouble, as God is my witness. (comes over to them) So, w-what can I do for you? Couple of drinks? Xander: Yeah. Let me get a double sh*t of, um... (exchanges a look with Buffy) (aggressively to Willy) of information, pal. Buffy: Three priests. They call themselves... Xander: (interrupts) The Bringers. Buffy: (sh**t Xander a look) Bringers, Harbingers. They have a 'no eyes' kinda look. Willy: Doesn't ring a bell. Xander: (menacingly) How about I ring that bell for you? (hopefully to Buffy) Does the thr*at come now? Buffy: Maybe you shouldn't help. (to Willy) They would've come to town recently. They'd be holed up somewhere summoning the spirit of The First. Willy looks around the bar carefully, then leans in toward them. Willy: Well... I heard a few things, you know, from the underground. Xander: The underground? Willy: Yeah, you know. From things that live under the ground. Apparently there's been a lot of migration out of Sunnydale from the lower inhabitants. Something's scaring them off, and these are things that aren't easily scared. Could be your priest guys are underground. Buffy: Underground where? Willy: (regretfully) I do not know. Buffy: Okay. Thanks. Xander: See you around. They start to leave the bar. Willy: (to Xander) Hey. (Xander faces him) You did great, by the way. I was very intimidated by you. Xander: Really? (smiles) Willy gives him a nod. Xander: (smiles widely) Thanks! Buffy: (takes Xander's arm) Let's go. (leads him away) Willy: Hey, kid. (Buffy faces him) Merry Christmas. Buffy just gives him a look, and then she and Xander leave. Cut outside. They step into the heat of the day and start down the block. Xander: Man, is it hot. It was so nice and cool in there. Buffy: Yeah, a nice cool waste of time. They stop walking. Xander: We know underground. That's a start. Buffy: Sure, in a town with fourteen million square miles of sewer. Xander: Plus a lot of natural cave formations and a gateway to Hell. Yeah, this does resemble square one. Buffy: I don't know what to do. Xander: I think right now the best plan is to deck the halls with boughs of holly. Look, we'll catch the bad guys... sooner or later. Cut to Willow's house. Oz comes in. Oz: Willow? (closes the door) I got videos. (holds them up) When he sees the living room, he stops in his tracks. Willow has the room softly lit, with a small f*re going in the fireplace, candles burning on the coffee table, and soft music playing on the stereo. She is sitting on the sofa, dressed nicely just for him. Willow: Hi. (pats the sofa next to her) Why don't you come s-sit down? After a moment's hesitation, he walks into the room and sits down next to her. He set the videos on the table. On the stereo "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe", by Barry White, begins to play. Lyrics: I've heard people say that Oz isn't sure what to make of this, and looks at Willow. She smiles back at him. Lyrics: Too much of anything is not good for you, baby Oz: You ever have that dream where you're in a play, and it's the middle of the play and you really don't know your lines, and you kinda don't know the plot? Willow: Well, we're alone, and we're together. I-I just wanted it to be special. Oz: How special are we talking? Willow: (a bit nervous) Well, you know, we're alone, and we're both mature younger people, and, and so... w-we could... I-I'm ready to... w- with you. (whispers) We could do that thing. Oz looks at her in disbelief. Willow smiles back. Oz has to stand up. Willow: Where are you going? Oz: No, I'm not going. Just a dramatic gesture. That's, that's pretty special. Willow: (stands also) Oz, I-I wanna be with you. First. Oz: I think we should sit down again. They sit stiffly. Willow: Oz? He looks at her, worry evident in his expression. Willow: I-I'm ready. Oz: Okay. Well, don't take this the wrong way... but I'm not. Willow: (confused) Are you scared? 'Cause I thought you had... Oz: (shyly) No, I have, but this is different. I mean, you look great. You know, and, and you got the Barry working for you, and, and it's all... good. But when it happens... I want it to be because we both need it to for the same reason. You don't have to prove anything to me. Willow: I just wanted you to know. Oz: I know. (smiles) I get the message. Willow leans over to him, and they kiss. Cut to the Summers house. Christmas music plays in the background. Buffy puts the finishing touches on the tree. Joyce places another log on the f*re. She stands up and inspects the result. Joyce: There we go. Buffy: Nothing like a roaring f*re to keep away the blistering heat. Joyce: Oh, come on. It's lovely. Maybe I should turn the air conditioning on. Buffy is off in her own world as she finishes trimming the tree. Joyce: So, angel's on top again? Buffy: (startled) What? Joyce: (holds up an angel and a star) Angel or star? Buffy: Oh, uh... star. Star. The doorbell rings. Buffy and her mom exchange an inquiring look, wondering whom it could be. Buffy goes to the door and opens it. Faith: (uncertainly) Hey. Buffy: Hi! Faith: Uh, looked like that whole party thing was gonna be kind of a drag. (drops her eyes for an instant) I didn't really have anything... You know. Buffy: (sincerely) I'm glad you came. Faith: (smiles) Uh... Here. (hands Buffy gifts) Buffy: Why don't you come in from the entire lack of cold? Faith: Mm. She steps in, and Buffy closes the door. Faith: Uh, that one (points) is for your mom. They're pretty crappy. Joyce: Faith, you made it. (takes the gifts from Buffy) Oh, that is so thoughtful. Faith: (smiles, embarrassed) They're crappy. Buffy: You know, I'm gonna go upstairs and get your gifts. Excuse me. Joyce: Uh, would you like some nog? Cut upstairs. Buffy walks down the hall and into her room. Buffy: Okay, Mom, don't touch yours, though, 'cause then you're gonna know what it is. Once in her room she hears her door slam behind her. She spins around to find Angel there. He looks very tired and somewhat disoriented. Buffy: Angel. Angel: Huh... Buffy. Buffy: What is it? He looks around apprehensively and clears his throat. Angel: I gotta... I... look, I, uh, I had to see you, um... He sees her bed, and it confuses him. Angel: I don't know, I... You shouldn't be... Buffy: Just tell me what's going on. His gaze focuses on her neck, and he notices she's not wearing her cross. Jenny appears to him behind her. Jenny: She wants you to touch her. What are you waiting for? Angel: You have to stay away from me. Buffy: (bewildered) You came to see me to tell me that I can't see you? Angel pants heavily and struggles hard with himself for control. Buffy: Angel, something is doing this to you. He starts to move toward her. She backs away. Buffy: (worried and frightened) You just have to control it, okay? I-I know that you're confused. Angel: I think you're the one who's confused. I think you need to... Jenny: She wants you to taste her. Think of the peace. You'll never have to see us again. Angel struggles for control of his mind. He grabs his hair with his hands in desperation. Buffy: (imploringly) Angel, how can I help you? Angel: Leave me alone! He runs toward her window and dives out. Buffy is in shock over it all. Cut downstairs. Buffy hurriedly talks with Faith as she's grabbing her coat before leaving. Buffy: I just need you to stay with Mom in case he comes back. (makes strides for the door) Faith: Yeah, I'll play watchdog. I don't really get it, though. Buffy: I'll explain later. Everything. I promise. Opens the door and leaves. Faith: (concerned) Watch your back. Cut to Giles' apartment. Buffy: Giles, we have to do something. Soon. Now. Giles: I'm still not sure what. Buffy: (desperate) Find me these priest guys. Find me something I can pummel. Giles: Let's not lose our heads. Buffy: Giles, he's slipping. Giles has no response to that. Buffy: (voice faltering) I think we're losing him. Giles: Look... (puts on his glasses) You realize if he... truly becomes a danger, you may have to k*ll him. Again. Can you do that? Buffy can't bring herself to answer. Cut to the atrium at Angel's mansion. He tries to get away from Jenny and goes into the mansion. Angel: I can't do it. Jenny: You have to do it. (tauntingly) What else are you good for? Angel: (panting hard) Get away from me! Jenny: (appears behind him) Couldn't you just... feel her? (leans close to him) Couldn't you almost smell her skin? You never were a fighter, Angel, don't start trying now. (steps away) Sooner or later you will drink her. Angel: I'll never hurt her. Jenny: You were born to hurt her. (scornfully) Have you learned nothing? As long as you are alive... Angel: (flatly) Then I'll die. Jenny: (pauses to consider) You don't have the strength to k*ll yourself. Angel: I don't need strength. I just need the sun to rise. He walks back out into the atrium. Jenny: You're not supposed to die. This isn't the plan. She watches him walk through the atrium and take the steps up and out. Jenny: But it'll do. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Giles' apartment. Buffy reads aloud from a book. Behind her Giles sits on the stairs and reads to himself from another. Buffy: 'A child shall be born of man and goat and have two heads, and The First shall speak only in riddles...' No wonder you like this stuff. (closes the book) It's like reading The Sun. Giles: (finds something) Yes. Ah. Buffy: (looks up at him) Priests? Giles: Um... Yes, but, uh, more, more posturing, I'm afraid. Um, (reads) 'For they are the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall grow above or below them. No seed shall flower, neither in man nor...' (gestures that it goes on and on) They're rebels and they'll never ever be any good. Nothing specific about their haunts. Buffy: Let me see that. Giles hands her the book. Buffy: (reads) '...the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall grow above or below...' She is suddenly lost in thought. Giles: What? Cut to the Christmas tree lot. Buffy kicks open the gate and marches straight toward the d*ad trees. Once there she studies them for a moment. The camera lifts straight up, looking down at the six trees that have died arranged in a circle. All the trees around them are fine. Cut to Buffy at ground level. She looks around for something to dig with and finds a long-handled ax. She swings it at the ground, and after a couple of hits she breaks through. A few more swings and the hole is large enough for her to get through. She crouches down and drops herself into it. Cut below. Buffy drops down into a cave. There are groups of candles burning here and there. She cautiously looks around and starts to make her way deeper into the cave. She can hear chanting coming from nearby. She doesn't have to go far before she finds the table with the priests sitting around it. Buffy: Alright, ten more minutes of chanting and then you guys have to go to bed. The priests get up, and Buffy jumps down to fight them. She swings the handle of her ax into one priest's stomach, and he goes down. She swings it into another one, who doubles over. She follows up with another swing to his head, and he goes down, too. The third one runs away. Buffy uses the ax to destroy the arrangement of artifacts on the table. The next thing she knows, Jenny is in the cave with her. Jenny/The First: Hmm. I'm impressed. Buffy hesitates at first, surprised to see Jenny there, but quickly realizes that it's not really her. Buffy: (defiantly) You won't get Angel. Jenny/The First: Hmm. You think you can fight me? I'm not a demon, little girl. I am something that you can't even conceive. The First Evil. Beyond sin, beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You'll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being, every thought, every drop of hate. Buffy: (loses her patience) Alright, I get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day? Jenny/The First: (unimpressed) Angel will be d*ad by sunrise. Your Christmas... will be his wake. Buffy: No. Jenny/The First: You have no idea what you're dealing with. Buffy: (dripping with sarcasm) Lemme guess. Is it... evil? The apparition of Jenny shrinks and is replaced for an instant by an image of a huge horned and clawed beast coming at her, roaring and with eyes glowing red. It fades as quickly as it appeared. Buffy stares in shock at the place where it appeared. It screams a final warning. The First: d*ad BY SUNRISE! Buffy runs from the cave, terrified for Angel's life. Cut to Angel's mansion. Buffy runs in. Buffy: Angel! She looks around, but he's nowhere to be seen. She walks toward the doorway to the atrium and looks out. She sees the steps leading up and runs toward them. Cut to the hills behind the mansion. Buffy runs through the bushes, frantically looking for Angel. She climbs further up the hill and finds him standing at the top looking out over a peaceful residential area of town. Buffy: Angel. He hears her say his name and briefly glances in her direction before looking back out over the rooftops. Buffy slowly walks over to him. Angel: I bet half the kids down there are already awake. Lying in their beds... sneaking downstairs... waiting for day. Buffy: (out of breath) Angel, please. I need for you to get inside. Th- there's only a few minutes left. Angel: I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes. Buffy: (anxiously and hurried) I don't have time to explain this. You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you... Angel: (interrupts) It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me. Buffy: (confused) Showing you? Angel: What I am. Buffy: (insistently) Were. Angel: And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do. Buffy: You *don't* know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up? Angel: (harshly) I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a k*ller. Buffy: Then fight it. Angel: It's too hard. Buffy: (desperately) Angel, please, you *have* to get inside. Angel: It told me to k*ll you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again. Buffy: I know what it told you. What does it matter? Angel: (raises his voice) Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care. He sobs. Buffy is at a loss for words. Angel: Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs k*lling, Buffy. It's the man. Buffy: You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it. Angel doesn't want to believe her. Buffy: (pleadingly) Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. (raises her voice) But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster. She looks out at the sky as it begins to lighten. Buffy: (begging frantically) Angel, please, the sun is coming up! Angel: Just go. Buffy: I won't! Angel: What, do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go! Buffy: You are not staying here. (grabs his arm) I won't let you! Angel: I said LEAVE! He jerks his arm free of her grasp. In her anger and desperation Buffy punches him. He reacts by shoving her away from him roughly, making her fall face forward, hard to the ground. Angel: (quietly to himself) Oh, my God... He goes to her and crouches over her, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her around to face him. Buffy fears his intentions and cries out. Buffy: No! No! He grabs her roughly by the arms and holds her firmly. Angel: Am I a thing worth saving, huh? (shakes her) Am I a righteous man? (shakes her) The world wants me gone! Buffy: (tearfully) What about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I k*lled you and it didn't help. She shoves him off of her and gets up. Buffy: (crying) And I hate it! I hate that it's *so* hard... and that you can hurt me *so* much. (sobs, then harshly) I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you d*ad. I don't. (whispers) I can't. Angel gets up now, too. Angel: Buffy, please. Just this once... let me be strong. Buffy: Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. Angel struggles with himself, knowing she's right. Buffy: (resolvedly) But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do *not* expect me to watch. And *don't* expect me to mourn for you, because... She stops in mid-sentence because it has inexplicably g*n to snow. She and Angel both look up at it coming down, lightly at first and gradually heavier. The camera pulls up above them and shows them standing there with the snowflakes swirling around them in the gentle morning breeze, and the ground around them starting to become white. Cut to Angel, looking around in amazement. Buffy walks to the edge of the hill and looks out at the town as the roofs on the houses below also start to become white. She turns to Angel, and they look at each other, stunned by this apparent miracle. Cut to Willow and Oz in her bedroom. They notice the snow outside and sit up on her bed. Willow is first to get up and walk to her balcony door to look out. Oz is right behind. They smile as they see it come down and notice the glass of her French doors begin to frost. Cut to the Summers house. About an inch and a half (4cm) of snow has now collected on the roof. The camera pans down to the door. Faith opens it, and she and Joyce come out to watch it fall. Faith steps off the porch and lets a few flakes fall on her open hands and face. Joyce pulls her wrap tightly around her against the cold. Cut to Giles' apartment. He notices that his window has become frosted, and goes over to it to have a look outside. He stares out in amazement. Cut to Xander lying in his sleeping bag in his backyard. The light from his lantern glows blue. His unfinished dinner plate is covered with snow, as is a comic book he had put aside before retiring. He is sleeping with the top flap of his sleeping bag folded open under his arm. He stirs slightly and wipes at the snowflakes falling on his face. That doesn't help, so he reflexively pulls the flap closed over his head, fallen snow and all. This wakes him up, and a moment later he pushes back the flap and looks up in wonder at the falling snow. Cut to the shopping district. The camera pans from the green neon sign of the Sun Cinema down to where the movies now playing are listed. The weatherman can be heard on the TV in the window of the audio/video store. Weatherman: And while most of Southern California is enjoying a balmy Christmas, an extreme cold front has sprung up out of nowhere around Sunnydale, where they are reporting heavy snowfall for the first time in, well, ever. Cut to the weatherman on TV. The camera pans from him out into the street. Weatherman: Sunnydale residents shouldn't expect to see the sun at all today. That cold front isn't going anywhere. With temperatures in the high 30s (about 3C), means you better bundle up if you're planning to go outside and enjoy the change in the weather. Cut to a view of the trees in the street aglow with Christmas lights. The camera pans down into the street, which is deserted except for Buffy and Angel, who walk along hand-in-hand, still looking up at the snow as it comes down. Cut to a view from above. The street and a few parked cars are covered with about two inches (5cm) of snow. The camera sinks down below a traffic light. Buffy and Angel continue walking in silence down the street. Cut to a close-up of them walking. Buffy looks over at Angel. He looks exhausted but at peace. He notices her gaze and smiles at her. Together they walk out of view.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x10 - Amends"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunnydale park at night. Buffy slowly strolls along the perimeter and into an area surrounded by bushes. She hears a rustling sound coming from the bush directly in front of her, and stops instantly, her gaze fixed on the shaking branches. She pulls out her stake and gets ready to fight, when suddenly she hears a voice to her left. Joyce: Is it a vampire? Buffy snaps her head to the left and sees her mother walk toward her carrying a bag in one hand and a large thermos in the other. Buffy: Mom, what are you doing here? Joyce: (holds up the bag and thermos) I brought you a snack. I thought it was about time for me to come out and watch. Y-you know, the slaying. Buffy: You know, the slaying is kind of an alone thing. Joyce: But it's such a big part of your life, and I'd like to understand it. It's, um, you know, something we could share. Buffy: A-actually, it's pretty dull, you know, it's (distracted) bam boom stick... poof. Her attention is back on the rustling bush, and she nudges her mother to the side a bit. Suddenly a vampire jumps out at her and runs straight for her. She ducks as the vampire lunges at her with his arms outstretched. She gets back up and delivers a right hook to his face followed by a backhand punch on the backswing and a left to the face, making him take a step back. Her mother cheers her on. Joyce: Good, honey! k*ll him! Buffy does an out-to-in crescent kick, which he easily ducks. She tries to punch him in the face again, but he grabs onto her shoulders and rolls onto his back, sending her rolling over him and onto her back. She lets out a pained grunt and looks around to get her bearings. Joyce: (points) Buffy, he-he's over here! The vampire faces her and roars. Joyce: Oh, my God! It's Mr. Sanderson from the bank! He comes at Buffy with a front snap kick, which she low blocks. He tries to punch her, but she ducks it. Buffy does a half spinning in-to-out crescent kick followed swiftly by a leg sweep, knocking the vampire's legs out from under him. She stands back up and gets ready to punch him, but he's had enough. He scrambles to his feet and hightails it out of there. Joyce: (points with the thermos) And he's getting away! Buffy gives her a stern look. Buffy: Stay! She runs off after the vampire. Joyce lets out a worried sigh and decides to walk the short distance over to the playground. There she sets down her bag and the thermos on a bench near the swings. She shivers a bit from the cold night air. She steps over to the concrete border between the grass and the sand of the playground and notices a toy pickup truck that was left behind in a small puddle. She picks it up and smiles as she looks it over. Then something catches her eye at the other side of the playground. Cut to Buffy on the ground with the vampire bending over her. She grabs him and pulls him over and down onto the ground next to her. She scrambles to her knees and jams her stake home. The vampire explodes in a cloud of ashes. Cut to Joyce as she makes her way over to the carousel. When she's close enough to get a good look, she stops in horror, shocked at what she sees. Joyce: Oh, God. (takes a breath) Oh... Cut to a long sh*t of her with the carousel in the foreground. The body of a young boy lies d*ad on it, and next to it on the sand lies the body of a young girl. Joyce can't believe her eyes. Each of the children has one arm outstretched, and drawn in black on the palms of their hands is a triangle. It has a wide U-shaped symbol in the middle, with its ends extending out from the triangle and bending in a sharp arc at the tips. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The playground. Several police cars and a coroner's van have arrived, and the detectives are looking over the scene. No one has touched the bodies yet. The police photographer steps up to the carousel and takes aim at the young boy with his camera. A series of black-and-white photos follow. The boy's outstretched arm with the symbol on the palm of his hand. The girl from straight above with her outstretched arm. A close-up sh*t of the girl's face. A wide-angle sh*t of both of the children from above. The boy from straight above with his outstretched arm. A close-up of the boy's hand with the symbol clearly visible. Sometime later, Buffy is finishing an interview with a police officer. She asks him if she and her mother can leave now. Police Officer #1: Yes, ma'am. Buffy walks over to her mother. The police bustle with activity around them. Police Officer #2: Alright, let's move here. Somebody pull that car out. Buffy: (reaches her mother) They said we can go home now. Joyce: (distraught) They were little kids. Did you see them? They're so tiny. Buffy: (sympathetically) I saw. Joyce: (shaking her head) Who could do something like this? I just... (looks down sadly) Buffy: I'm so sorry that you had to see this. But I promise, everything is gonna be okay. Joyce: How? Buffy: Because I'm gonna *find* whatever did it. Joyce: I guess. It's just you can't... you can't make it right. Buffy hugs her mother closely. Joyce begins to sob. Buffy: (comfortingly) I know. I'm sorry. But I'll take care of everything. I promise. Just try and calm down. Cut to the library the next morning. Buffy looks up at Giles standing at the top of the stairs to the book stacks. Buffy: (upset) Don't tell me to calm down! Giles: (taken aback) I-I-I only meant... Buffy: They were kids, Giles. Little kids! You don't know what it was like to see them there. My mom can't even talk. Giles: (takes a few steps down) I'm sorry. I... I just want to help. Buffy: (calms a bit) I know. Giles comes down the rest of the way and goes over to the center table. Buffy follows and leans against the back of a chair. Giles: Do we know how? Uh... It wasn't a vampire? (sits on the table) Buffy: No. There were no marks. Giles lifts his mug for a sip of his tea, but stops as Buffy continues. Buffy: Wait. I-I mean, there, there was a mark, um, a-a symbol. She steps around the chair, grabs a pen from the table and sits to draw it. Giles hurriedly sets down his mug and quickly reaches over to stop Buffy before she can deface the parchments lying there in front of her. Giles: Oh, uh, 12th century, Papal Encyclical. Write on this. He gently picks up the parchments and nudges a spiral notebook over to her. Buffy flips the notebook to a blank page and draws as Giles sets down the parchments and picks up his mug again. Buffy: I-it was on their hands. The cops are keeping it quiet, but I got a good look at it. She pushes the drawing over for Giles to see. Buffy: There. Find me the thing that uses this symbol and point me at it. Giles: (thoughtfully) Hmm. Buffy: Hmm. What? Giles, speak. Giles: (torn from his reverie) What? Oh, sorry. Um, no, it... (picks up the notebook) I just wonder if we're looking for a thing. The use of a symbol o-o-on a victim like this suggests a, a ritual m*rder and a cult sacrifice by a group. Buffy: A group of... human beings? Someone with a soul did this? Giles: Yes, I'm afraid so. He goes over to the bookshelves behind the table and starts his research. Buffy: Okay. Then while you're looking for the meaning of that symbol thingy, could you also find a loophole in that 'Slayers don't k*ll people' rule? Giles looks back at her from his crouched position. Giles: Buffy, this is a dreadful crime, I know, (stands up) and you have every right to be upset, but... I-I wonder if you're not letting yourself get a shade, uh... more personal because of your mother's involvement. Buffy: (stands and faces him) Oh, it's *completely* personal. Giles, find me the people that did this. Please. Cut to the cafeteria. Oz and Xander are at the steam tables selecting their lunch. Oz reaches in, grabs a foil-wrapped burrito and sets it on his plate. Xander glances over at him. Xander: Hey. Oz: Hey. They move down the line to the fruit cocktail bowls and each takes one. Xander: (slightly nervous) So, a burrito. Oz: This is a burrito. Xander: Damn straight. They both take their trays and head for an empty table. Cut to them sitting and eating. Willow and Amy find them. Willow: Hi, Oz. Oz: Hey. Willow: Xander. Hi. Oz: Hey, Amy. Willow and Amy both sit. Amy has a huge smile on her face, pleased to show off her new short and darker hairstyle. Amy: Hi, guys. Xander: Hey, Amy. I like your new hair. Oz: (to Willow) I haven't see you all day. Where you been? Xander: (shaking his head defensively) Not with me. No, sir. Ask anyone. No. Oz looks over at him with his lips stretched tightly. Willow gives Xander a look and tries to give Oz a smile. The tension is very thick. Oz finally breaks it with a change of subject. Oz: So, Buffy's birthday is next week. Xander: (claps his hands and points at Oz) Ooh! Yeah. Good. I've been pondering gift options. Willow sees Buffy approaching. Willow: Shh. Xander: Oh, come on, we just got a topic here. Willow: Hi, Buffy. Xander: Buffy! (stands up) What's up? He offers her his chair. She takes it and sits while he grabs one from a neighboring table. Buffy: You guys didn't hear? Xander: Hear what? Buffy: A m*rder. Somebody k*lled two little kids. Willow: (shocked) Oh, no. Buffy: They were, like, seven or eight years old. My mom found the bodies during patrol last night. Amy: Oh, my God. Oz: Kids? Xander: Why was your mom there? Buffy: More bad. She picked last night, of all nights, for a surprise bonding visit. Willow: God, your mom would actually take the time to do that with you? Buffy sh**t Willow a look. Willow: That really wasn't the point of the story, was it? Buffy: No. The point is, she's completely wigging. Her mother comes up behind her. Joyce: Who's wigging? Buffy snaps her head around, sees Joyce standing there and stands up. Buffy: (thinking quickly) Um... everyone. You know, 'cause of what happened. Joyce: Oh, it's so awful. I-I had bad dreams about it all night. Willow: Hi, Mrs. Summers. Joyce: (absently) Oh, hi, everybody. Xander: Hi. Amy: Hi, Mrs. Summers. Joyce: Buffy, have you talked to Mr. Giles yet about who could have done this? Buffy: Yeah. He, uh... He thinks it might be something ritual. A cult. Uh, he's still looking. In the meantime, we're gonna add to my patrol and, and, y'know, keep an eye out. Joyce: A cult. (jumps to a conclusion) Like witches. Willow coughs. Amy looks away. Willow: Sorry. Phlegm. Too much dairy. Joyce: Oh, I-I-I know you kids think that stuff's cool. Buffy told me you dabble. Willow: (nervously) Right. Absolutely. That's me. I'm a dabbler. Joyce: But anybody who could do this isn't cool. Anybody who could do this has to be a monster. It's... Buffy: (interrupts) You know what? Uh, would you guys excuse us for a little bit? Joyce: Uh, n-nice to see you. Buffy leads her out of the cafeteria. Xander: What a burn. I mean, Buff's mom was just starting to accept the whole Slayer thing, and now she's gonna be double-freaked. Willow: (smiles) Makes me grateful that my mom's not interested in my extra-curricular activities. Amy has to smile at that. Then Willow frowns. Willow: Or my *curricular* activities. Cut to the hall outside the cafeteria. Buffy and Joyce come into the hall and slowly start down it. Joyce: Are your friends gonna help with the investigation, too? Buffy: Mom, I really think... Maybe this isn't the best place to talk about this. Joyce: Are you embarrassed to be hanging out with your mother? I didn't hug you. They stop by the stairs. Buffy: No. It's just... This hall is about school, and you're about home. Mix them, my world dissolves. Joyce: It's just, I keep thinking about who could have done such a thing. I have to help. Buffy: Well, Giles can always use help in the library. Joyce: I called everybody I know in town. I told them about the d*ad children. They're all just as upset as I am. Buffy: (confused) You called everybody that you know? Joyce: And they called all their friends. And guess what? We're setting up a vigil, for tonight, for City Hall. The Mayor is even gonna be there. Now we are gonna get some action. (smiles) Buffy: (less than thrilled) Uh-huh. That's great. Uh... But you know what? A lot of times when we're working on stuff like this, we like to keep the number of people that know about it kind of... small. Joyce: (considers) Oh. Right. Well, I-I'm sure there won't be all that many people. Cut to City Hall. A large crowd has gathered in the main conference room. Many of them are holding up signs with pictures of the two children and the words "Never Again!" Buffy and Willow walk in and look around at the crowd. Buffy: This is great. Maybe we could all go patrolling together later. Willow: (gestures at Joyce) At least your mom's making an effort. My mom's probably... (notices) standing right in front of me right this second. Her mother sees them and comes up to them. Willow: Mom? Sheila: Willow, I-I didn't know you were going to be here. (to Buffy, absently) Oh, hi, Bunny. Buffy: Hi. Willow: Mom, what are you doing here? Sheila: Oh, well, I read about it in the paper, and what with your dad out of town... (notices, surprised) Willow, you cut off your hair! Huh. That's a new look. Willow: Yeah, it's just a sudden whim I had... in August. Sheila: (smiles) I like it. Joyce comes over to join them. Sheila reaches out to shake hands. Sheila: Hello, Joyce. Joyce: Sheila, I'm glad you could come. Giles also shows up. He keeps his hands in his pockets. Giles: There you are. I almost didn't find you in this crush. (notices Joyce) (nervously) Oh, uh, Mrs., uh... uh, Joyce. Quite a turnout you have here. Joyce: Oh, well, it's, it's not just me, but thank you. Well, it's, uh, it's been a while. Giles: (uneasy) Right. Not since, um... Not since... Not for a while. Sheila: There's a rumor going around, Mr. Giles. Giles: (suddenly worried) R-rumor, about us? Joyce sh**t him a look of dismay. Giles gets the hint. Giles: A-a-about what? Sheila: About witches. (Willow and Buffy exchange a look) People calling themselves witches are responsible for this brutal crime. Giles: Indeed? How strange. Willow: (laughs nervously, trying to play it off) Yes! Strange! Witches. Sheila: (goes into lecture mode) Well, actually, not that strange. I recently co-authored a paper about the rise of mysticism among adolescents, and I was shocked at the statistical... She is interrupted by some electronic feedback when the Mayor tests the microphone as he steps up to the lectern. Sheila: Oh. Oh, a-are we starting? The Mayor clears his throat and sniffles. Joyce makes her way around behind everyone over to Buffy, who is frowning up at the Mayor. Mayor Wilkins: Hello, everybody. Joyce: (to Buffy, wispering) He'll do something about this. You'll see. Everyone settles down to listen to what the Mayor has to say. Mayor Wilkins: Um... I wanna thank you all for coming in the aftermath of such a tragic crime. Seeing you all here proves what a caring community Sunnydale is. Now, sure, we've had our share of misfortunes, but we're a good town with good people, and I know that none of us will rest easy until this horrible m*rder is solved. With that in mind... (picks up one of the signs) I make these words my pledge to you. (holds it up for everyone to see) 'Never again!' Now I ask you to give your attention to the woman who brought us all here tonight, Joyce Summers. He steps away as Joyce walks to the front of the room and steps up to the lectern. Joyce: Thank you. She considers her words for a moment before beginning. Joyce: Mr. Mayor, you're d*ad wrong. (people begin to murmur) This is *not* a good town. How many of us have, have lost someone who, who just disappeared? Or, or got skinned? Or suffered neck rupture? And how many of us have been too afraid to speak out? I-I was supposed to lead us in a moment of silence, but... silence is this town's disease. For too long we-we've been plagued by unnatural evils. This isn't our town anymore. It belongs to the monsters and, and the witches and the Slayers. Buffy looks at her mother in open-mouthed shock. She and Willow exchange a worried glance. Giles can't believe what he's hearing either. Joyce: I say it's time for the grownups to take Sunnydale back. I say we start by finding the people who did this and making them pay. The people in the crowd begin to applaud. Man: Hear, hear! Sheila claps her hands and looks around at the other people. A man nods his head in silent agreement. Buffy is too much in shock to do anything but stare at her mother. Cut to a panning sh*t of a Sunnydale residential area at night. The streets are quiet. Cut to Willow's house. The light from her room is clearly visible from the street. Cut inside. The camera is centered on a skull with a hole at the crest of the cranium. It is resting on a throw rug next to a burning candle. A hand reaches over the hole in the skull and drops in a short string of beads. The camera pans up to Michael, a witch draped in a black, hooded cloak. He folds his hands intertwining his fingers and glances up at another cloaked figure as it steps around him. The figure kneels to pick up the skull, and it's Amy. She stands back up and carries the skull around the rug to a position opposite Michael. The camera follows her, panning low across the rug, where there are other candles, cups of powders and potions, and a small cauldron. Amy sets down the skull and sits. She takes a cup of powder and hands it to a third figure, who takes it from her and pours the contents into the steaming liquid in the cauldron. The camera pans up to reveal the third figure as Willow, also cloaked in black. She stares silently down at the boiling mixture. Cut to a sh*t from above. The camera pulls up from the cauldron, taking in the array of things and the three witches around it, and continues until it's high enough to see the pattern in the center of the throw rug: a large triangle with a U-shaped symbol in the middle, its ends extending out of the triangle and bending in a sharp arc at the tips. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The hall at Sunnydale High. Michael has his locker open and checks his black makeup in the mirror stuck to the inside of the locker door. A group of guys comes up to him, and Roy, their leader, slams the locker door shut. Michael: Watch it. Roy: (smiling smugly) Oh, sorry. Did I make you smudge your eyeliner? Michael rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Roy: You gonna put a spell on me? Amy comes to Michael's defense. Amy: Hey, what is your problem? Roy grabs Michael by the shirt and slams him up against the lockers. Roy: Everyone knows he's into that voodoo witchcraft. (other students stare) I heard about those kids. People like him... (slams Michael again) gotta learn a lesson. Amy: And what about people like me? Roy: (thr*at) Get in my face and you'll find out. Buffy steps up behind Amy and gives him a smile. He notices her and suddenly thinks better of going any further. He lets Michael go and straightens his shirt a bit. Roy: No problem here. (nods to the other boys) We're walking. Buffy follows them for a few steps, then turns back to Michael and Amy. Buffy: You guys okay? Michael: Yeah. We're fine. (walks off) Amy: (smiles) Thanks, Buffy. (walks off) Buffy looks back down the hall to make sure the g*ng is still headed away. Giles comes around the corner, and Buffy starts toward him, but is headed off by Cordelia. Cordelia: You'll be one busy little Slayer, baby-sitting them. Buffy: I doubt they'll have any more trouble. Cordelia: I doubt your doubt. Everyone knows that witches k*lled those kids, and Amy is a witch. And Michael is whatever the boy of witch is, plus being the poster child for yuck. Buffy: Corde... Cordelia: (interrupts) If you're gonna hang with them, expect badness. 'Cause that's what you get when you hang with freaks and losers. Believe me, I know. She starts down the hall, but stops and turns back to Buffy. Cordelia: (smiling) That was a pointed comment about me hanging with you guys. (turns and leaves) Buffy: Yeah, I got that one. (loudly after her) Besides, witches didn't do it. (turns to Giles) Giles: (whispers) Actually, I think they may have. My research keeps bringing me back to European Wiccan covens. Buffy: You found the meaning of the symbol? Giles: (exhales) I'm pretty sure, yes. There's a, a piece of information I need that's in a book that Willow borrowed. Can you find it? He goes down the hall toward the library. Buffy looks around into the student lounge to see if Willow happens to be there. She sees Xander sitting on one of the couches and heads over to him. Xander: Buffy, hi. Buffy: Hey. Is Willow around? Xander: (exasperated) How can I convince you people that it's over? You assume because I'm here, she's here, that I somehow mysteriously know where she is. Buffy: (points) Those her books? Xander: Yeah. She's in the bathroom. (points) Buffy takes a step toward Willow's books, but stops as Xander continues. Xander: But the fact that I know that doesn't change that I have a genuine complaint here. Look. I'm getting sick of the judgment, the innuendoes. Is a man not innocent until proven guilty? Buffy: You *are* guilty. You got illicit smoochies, gonna have to pay the price. She tries again to go to Willow's books, but Xander isn't finished yet. Xander: But I'm talking about the future guilt. Look, everyone expects me to mess up again. Like Oz. I see how he is around me. You know, that steely gaze... that pointed silence. Buffy: 'Cause he's usually such a chatterbox. This time she just goes to Willow's books and lets Xander talk. Xander: No, but it's different now. It's more a verbal nonverbal. He speaks volumes with his eyes. Buffy finds the book in question and picks it up. Underneath it is a spiral notebook. On the exposed page is the triangle symbol. Buffy picks it up and stares. Willow comes out of the bathroom and over to her. Willow: Hey, Buff. What cha looking for? You wanna borrow something? Buffy: (holds up the notebook) What is this? Willow: (takes and closes it) A doodle. I do doodle. You, too. You do doodle, too. Buffy: This is a witch symbol. Willow: Okay, yeah, it is. Buffy: Willow... Willow: (defensively) What? Buffy: That symbol was on the m*rder children. Before they can get any further into it, they are distracted by the sounds of many lockers suddenly being slammed shut. They can hear a man talking. Police Officer #3: Please step back. Stay away from the lockers. This is police business. Buffy, Willow and Xander exchange alarmed looks. They all head into the hall to see what's going on. Cut to the hall. A police officer is going from locker to locker opening them with a master key. At another locker another officer takes some books from a student. Police Officer #4: Hand them over, please. The books. Yet another officer takes a string of garlic cloves from a locker and sets it on a cart with a bunch of other things they've confiscated. Principal Snyder stands in the hall, gloating as the police continue their search. Several officers keep the students at bay. A detective leads a boy away. Amy has joined the group as they watch all the activity. Xander: Aw, man, it's n*zi Germany, and I've got Playboys in my locker! Snyder: (smugly) This is a glorious day for principals everywhere. No pathetic whining about students' rights. Just a long row of lockers and a man with a key. An officer finds a voodoo doll in a locker. Oz: (to Willow, quietly) They just took three kids away. Buffy: What are they looking for? Amy: Witch stuff. Willow: (very worried) What? Amy: They got my spells. I'm supposed to report to Snyder's office. Willow: Oh, my God. An officer looks through a girl's purse. Another officer steps up to Amy. Police Officer #3: Okay, Amy. You'll have to come with me. Police Officer #4: (to some students) Stay away from the locker. Willow: (to Buffy, sick with worry) I have stuff in my locker. Henbane, hellebore, mandrake root. Xander: (interrupts) Excuse me. Playboys. Can we turn the sympathy (jerks his head) this way? One of the officers has reached Cordelia's locker and pulls out a can of hairspray. Cordelia: Hey! Get your grubby custodial hands off that. (tries to approach) Police Officer #4: (pushes her back) Miss, you have to stay back. Miss, stay back. Cordelia: That hair spray costs $45, and it's imported! Willow: (begins to freak out) Oh, God, my locker's next. Buffy, I didn't do anything wrong. An officer pulls some plastic bags from Willow's locker. Willow: The, the symbol is harmless. I used it to make a protection spell for you, for your birthday. With Michael and Amy. Only, now it's broken, because you know about it, so happy birthday, and please, you have to believe me! Snyder walks over to the group with the bags in hand. Snyder: Ms. Rosenberg. My office. He holds up the bags of henbane and mandrake root. Willow stares back at him, eyes wide with worry and fear. Buffy discreetly walks in front of her and takes Giles' book from her arms. Willow starts down the halls in front of Snyder. Oz accompanies her with his hand on her back in a gesture of comfort. Cut to the library. A police officer kicks open the cage door and strides out into the room with a stack of books in his hands. He carries them over to the table and drops them unceremoniously into a box. Another officer comes down from the stacks with another armful of books. Buffy comes into the library as still another officer walks out carrying one of the boxes. She heads straight for Giles, who watches helplessly. Buffy: Giles. Giles: They're confiscating my books. Buffy: Giles, we need those books. Giles: Believe me, I tried to tell that to the nice man with the big g*n. They move to the side to talk. Giles watches the activity around him, seething with anger. Buffy: No. There's something about the symbol that we're missing. Willow said she used it in a protection spell. It's harmless. Not a big bad. So then why would it turn up in a ritual sacrifice? Giles: I don't know. Ordinarily, I would say let's widen our research. Buffy: Using what? A-a dictionary and 'My Friend Flicka'? She sets the book on the counter as Giles steps back into the room. Giles: This is intolerable. Snyder's interfered before, but I, I won't take this from that twisted little homunculus. Snyder walks into the library holding a cup of coffee. Snyder: (smirking) I love the smell of desperate librarian in the morning. Giles: (approaches him angrily) You get out! And take your marauders with you. Snyder: (unaffected) Oh, my. So fierce. (walks past him) I suppose I should hear you out. Just how is, um... (takes a book from an officer, reads the title) 'Blood Rites and Sacrifices' appropriate material for a public school library? Chess club branching out? (sips his coffee) Giles: This is not over. Snyder: Oh, I should say it's just beginning. Fight it if you want. Just remember, lift a finger against me, and you'll have to answer to MOO. Buffy: (incredulous) Answer to MOO? Did that sentence just make some sense that I'm not in on? Snyder: 'Mothers Opposed to the Occult.' A powerful new group. (sips his coffee) Buffy: And who came up with that lame name? Snyder: (heads out) That would be the founder. I believe you call her 'Mom'. Buffy can't believe it. Cut to Willow's house that night. She opens the door and goes in. In the living room she finds her mother looking over a bunch of her things taken from her room. Her mother notices her come in. Sheila: Oh, sit down, honey. Willow: (goes to the couch) Principal Snyder talk to you? (takes off her pack and sits) Sheila: Yes. He's quite concerned. (looks at an old picture) Willow: Mom, I know what this looks like, and I can totally... Sheila: (interrupts) Oh, you don't have to explain, honey. This isn't exactly a surprise. (turns over the picture) Willow: (fidgets, confused) Why not? Sheila: (shrugs) Oh, well, identification with mythical icons is perfectly typical of your age group. It's a, a classic adolescent response to the pressures of incipient adulthood. (set the picture down) Willow: Oh. Is that what it is? Sheila: (picks up a bag of herbs) Of course, I wish you could've identified with something a little less icky, (shrugs) but developmentally speaking... Willow: Mom, I'm not an age group. I'm me. Willow group. Sheila: Oh, honey... She puts down the bag and gets up to go over to her daughter. Sheila: I understand. (sits next to her) Willow: No, you don't. (faces her) Mom, this may be hard for you to accept, but I can do stuff. Nothing bad or dangerous, but I can do spells. Sheila: You think you can, and that's what concerns me. The delusions. Willow: Mom, how would you know what I can do? I mean, the last time we had a conversation over three minutes, it was about the patriarchal bias of the Mr. Rogers Show. Sheila: Well, (makes finger quotes) with King Friday lording it over all the lesser puppets... Willow: Mom, you're not paying attention. Sheila: And this is your way of trying to get it. Now, I have consulted with some of my colleagues, and they agree that this is a cry for discipline. You're grounded. Willow: (surprised) Grounded? This is the first time *ever* I've done something you don't like and I'm grounded? I'm supposed to mess up. I'm a teenager, remember? Sheila: You're upset, I hear you... Willow: (stands up) No, Ma, hear this! I'm a rebel! I'm having a rebellion! Sheila: (smiling) Willow, honey, you don't need to act out like this to prove your specialness. Willow: Mom, I'm not acting out. I'm a witch! I-I can make pencils float. And I can summon the four elements. Okay, two, but four soon. (her mother doesn't react) A-and I'm dating a musician. Sheila: (disgusted now) Oh, Willow! She gets up and goes back to the table of Willow's things. Willow follows her. Willow: (thickly sarcastic) I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings. Do you see any goats around? No, because I sacrificed them. Sheila: (tired of it) Willow, please! Willow: All bow before Satan! Sheila: (leaves the room) I'm not listening to this. Willow: (follows her) (heavy on the sarcasm) Prince of Night, I summon you. Come fill me with your black, naughty evil. Sheila: (loudly) That's enough! Is that clear? Now, you will go to your room and stay there until I say otherwise. And we're gonna make some changes. (shakes her head) I don't want you hanging out with those friends of yours. It's clear where this little obsession came from. You will not speak to Bunny Summers again. Cut to Buffy's house. Joyce is at the dining room table surrounded by posters of the two children. She has a MOO button pinned to her blouse. Her laptop is open and a phone and fax sit nearby. The place is set up like a command center. Behind her is a whiteboard full of statistics. She speaks sternly to Buffy. Joyce: I don't want you seeing that Willow anymore. I've spoken with her mother. I had no idea her forays into the occult had gone so far. Buffy: (in disbelief) You're the one who ordered the raid on the school today. Joyce: (makes light off it) Honey, they opened a few lockers. Buffy: Lockers. First syllable, 'lock'. They're supposed to be private. And they took all of Giles' books away. Joyce: He'll get most of them back. MOO just wants to weed out the offensive material. Everything else will be returned to Mr. Giles soon. Buffy: If we're gonna solve this, we need those books now. Joyce: (very seriously) Sweetie, those books have no place in a public school library. Especially now. Any student can waltz in there and get all sorts of ideas. (gets up and steps over to Buffy) Do you understand how that terrifies me? Buffy: Mom, I hate that these people scared you so much. And I-I know that you're just trying to help, but you have to let me handle this. It's what I do. Joyce: But is it really? I mean, you patrol, you slay... Evil pops up, you undo it. A-a-and that's great! But is Sunnydale getting any better? Are they running out of vampires? Buffy: I don't think that you run out of... Joyce: It's not your fault. You don't have a plan. You just react to things. I-i-it's bound to be kind of fruitless. Buffy: (taken aback) Okay, maybe I don't have a plan. Lord knows I don't have lapel buttons... Joyce: (exasperated) Buffy. Buffy: ...and maybe next time that the world is getting sucked into Hell, I won't be able to stop it because the Anti-Hell-Sucking Book isn't on the approved reading list! Joyce: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put down... Buffy: Yeah, well, you did. (shakes her head) It doesn't matter. I have to go. I have to go on one of my pointless patrols and react to some vampires. If that's alright with MOO. She turns around and heads for the door. Joyce just watches her go. Buffy steps back into the room. Buffy: And nice acronym, Mom. (leaves) Joyce turns around and goes back to her chair, shaking her head. Joyce: Just trying to make things better. As she walks past the table the d*ad boy and girl are suddenly sitting there looking up at her. Boy: You are. Girl: There's bad people out there. Joyce looks at them sadly. Boy: And we can't sleep. Girl: Not until you hurt them. Boy: The way they hurt us. Joyce nods, knowing what she has to do. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The playground where the children were found. The carousel is bedecked with candles and flowers and pictures of the children. Buffy quietly walks up to it. She pulls her arms to her body for warmth. To her right she notices Angel approaching. Angel: Hey. Buffy: Hi. They embrace each other lovingly for a long moment. Buffy looks up into his face. Buffy: How are you? Angel: I'm alright. I think I'm better than you right now. They both look over at the carousel. Angel: I heard about this. People are talking. People are even talking to *me*. Buffy: It's strange. People die in Sunnydale all the time. I've never seen anything like this. They both stroll over to a bench. Angel: They were children. Innocent. It makes a difference. They sit facing each other. Buffy: And Mr. Sanderson from the bank had it coming? (sighs) My mom... said some things to me about being the Slayer. That it's fruitless. (shakes her head) No fruit for Buffy. Angel: She's wrong. Buffy: Is she? Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here? Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. Like that kid in the story, (gestures) the boy that stuck his finger in the duck. Angel: Dike. Buffy gives him a confused look. Angel smiles. Angel: It's another word for dam. Buffy: Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now. Angel: Buffy, you know, I'm still figuring things out. There's a lot I don't understand. But I do know it's important to keep fighting. I learned that from you. Buffy: But we never... Angel: We never win. Buffy: Not completely. Angel: We never will. That's not why we fight. We do it 'cause there's things worth fighting for. Those kids. Their parents. Buffy: (has an epiphany) Their parents. Angel: Look, I know it's not much. Buffy: No. No, it's a lot. Cut to the library. Giles is at the table trying to do some online research. He loses his connection. Giles: Session interrupted? (frustrated) Who said you could interrupt, you stupid, useless fad! No, I said fad. And I'll say it again. (types) Xander and Oz walk up to him. Xander: At that point, I will become frightened. Oz: Take heart. We found your books. Giles looks at them hopefully as the two boys go to stand behind him. Xander: You can put the heart back. We can't get them. They're locked up in City Hall. (teases) 'Frisky Watcher's chat room.' Why, Giles. (slaps his shoulder) Buffy comes striding into the library. She goes straight over to Giles. Xander: Oh! Buffy, Oz and I found out... Buffy: (ignores him) What do we know about these kids? Giles: What? Buffy: Facts. Details. Xander: Well, they were, uh, found in the park. Buffy: No. Where did they go to school? Who were their parents? What are their names? Giles takes off his glasses. None of the guys has answers for any of her questions. Buffy: We know everything about their deaths, but we don't even know their names. Xander: Well, sure we do. Um, it's on the tip of my tongue. Oz: (realizes) That never came up. Ever. Buffy: And if no one knows who they are, where did these pictures come from? Giles: (puts his glasses back on, stares at the screen) I just assumed someone had the details. I never really... Well, that is strange. Buffy: We need to get some information. Giles: (gets up) Yeah, well, somebody else do it. This thing's locked me out. Xander: Well, if you wouldn't yell at it. (gets a look from Giles) Oz: (takes Giles' place) I can look 'round, but Willow would really know the sites we need. Buffy: That's great. She can't even come to the phone. The wrath of MOO. Oz: (types) Well, we don't need a phone. Cut to Willow's room. She's lying on her bed idly toying with her teddy bear. Then she hears her laptop beep. She goes over to her desk and brings it back to the bed. Cut to the library. Oz: Alright, we're linked. If anybody's ID'd the kids, she'll pull it up and feed it here. Cut to Willow's room. She surfs the web, looking for any leads. Cut to the library. Oz does his part on his end and brings up the pages as Willow finds them. Giles reads the text from the screen. Giles: Oh. 'Two Children Found d*ad. Mysterious Mark...' No. No. These children were found near Omaha in 1949. Xander: Yeah, they ain't ours. Keep going. Before Oz can move on the accompanying image loads from the 'Net. Buffy: Wait. Cut to Willow's room. She sees the same image loading on her screen and looks at it in surprise. Willow: Those are... Cut to the library. Buffy: ...the same kids. Giles: Fifty years ago. Oz loads up the next page. Oz: '1899. Utah... Two Children... Rural Community Torn Apart by Suspicion.' Giles: (confused) A hundred years ago? How is this possible? Oz: There's no mention of who they were. Buffy: They've never been seen alive, just d*ad. A lot. The next page loads. This one is dated 1649 and has a hand drawing of the two children. An Instant Message window pops up with a note from Willow. Oz: Ah. There were more articles. Every fifty years. All the same. Giles: (intrigued) From as far back as 1649. Can I see that? Oz surrenders his place to Giles. He types a bit, then reads the German and translates. Giles: Written by a cleric from a village near the Black Forest. He... found the bodies himself. Two children... Greta Strauss, age six. (types more) Hans Strauss, eight. Xander: So they have names. That's new. Cut to Willow's room. Her mother opens the door, and is upset to find her daughter online. Sheila: Willow. (steps over to the bed) I thought I made myself clear. You're not minding me. She folds down the screen and pulls out the phone line. Willow: Mom... Sheila: I see what you're doing. You're challenging me. But I will not have you communicating with your cyber-coven or what have you. Willow: (sits up) Coven? What happened to me being delusional and acting out? Sheila: Well, that was before I talked in depth with Ms. Summers and her associates. It seems I've been rather close-minded. Willow: So, you believe me? Sheila: (sighs) I believe you, dear. Now all I can do is let you go with love. Willow doesn't like the sound of that. Willow: Let me go? What does that mean? Her mother turns and walks out of the room without saying a word, pulling the door closed behind her and locking it from the outside. Willow: Mom? Cut to the Library. Giles paces while Oz keeps looking for more information on the web. Giles: Uh, wait, wait a minute. Uh... Uh, there is a fringe theory held by a few folklorists that some regional stories have actual, um, very literal antecedents. Buffy: And in some language that's English? Oz: Fairy tales are real? Buffy: Hans and Gre... (her mind clicks) Hansel and Gretel? Xander: Wait. Hansel and Gretel? Breadcrumbs, ovens, gingerbread house? Giles: Of course! Well, it makes sense now. Buffy: Yeah, it's all falling into place. Of course that place is nowhere near this place. Giles: (sits on the table) Some demons thrive by fostering hatred and, and, uh, persecution amongst the mortal animals. Not by, not by destroying men, but by watching men destroy each other. Now, they feed us our darkest fear and turn peaceful communities into vigilantes. Buffy: Hansel and Gretel run home to tell everyone about the mean old witch. Giles: And then she and probably dozens of others are persecuted by a righteous mob. It's happened all throughout history. It happened in Salem, not surprisingly. Xander: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm still spinning on this whole fairy tales are real thing. Giles stands and begins to pace again. Oz: So what do we do? Xander: I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go trade my cow in for some beans. He gets a confused look from Giles. Xander: No one else is seeing the funny here. Buffy: (goes to the counter) Giles, we need to talk to Mom. If she knows the truth, she can defuse the whole thing. (grabs her coat) Just then Michael comes running into the library with a slight limp. He's been beaten and bruised. He has a black eye and his face is bloody. Buffy: What happened? Xander and Oz come over to them. Michael: (out of breath) I was att*cked! Xander: Officially not funny. Buffy: By whom? Michael: (hugging himself) My dad. His friends. They're taking people out of their homes. They're talking about a trial down at City Hall. They got Amy. Buffy: Michael, stay here and hide. Giles, we'll go find my mom. Oz gets Xander's attention. Oz: Willow! The two of them run out of the library. Giles grabs his coat. Michael: (calls after them) Tell Willow to get out of her house! Giles: (to Michael) Stay in my office. He and Buffy run out also. Michael goes to hide in Giles' office. Cut to Willow's room. She hears the door unlock and gets up from her bed. She runs over to the door as it opens. Willow: Mom, we really have to talk. There she sees her mother surrounded by several other adults. Sheila: It's time to go. Oh, and get your coat. It's chilly out. Willow: (very confused) Go? Go where? Sheila: (angrily) I said get your coat, witch! Willow slams the door on them. The adults start to pound at it. Willow desperately tries to keep them out. Cut to the living room at the Summers house. Several people are gathered there. Joyce interviews them about their activities. Joyce: Did you speak to the families on Sycamore Street? Woman: Yes, I did. Joyce: Great. She writes it down in her notebook. Buffy opens the front door and quickly enters. Giles is right behind her. Joyce looks up in surprise. Joyce: Buffy! Mr. Giles! Did something happen? Buffy: Mom, we need to talk to you. Now. Joyce: (puts down her notebook) Well, of course, honey. (to the others) Um, go on without me. (goes to Buffy) Buffy: No, we need to talk alone. They start into the dining room. Buffy: Look, there's more to this than... Suddenly Joyce holds a cloth up to Buffy's mouth and nose and two of the men there jump Giles from behind, wrestling him to the floor. Buffy quickly collapses to the floor, overcome by the fumes from the cloth. Joyce: (looking down at Buffy) You were right. (looks behind her) I-it was easy. There are the two children standing on the stairs. The boy is holding a bottle of chloroform in his hand. Gretel: I told you. Hansel: It gets even easier. Buffy isn't completely knocked out yet, and can hear the conversation. Gretel: But I'm still scared of the bad girls. Buffy's vision begins to blur. Hansel: You have to stop them. You have to make them go away. Forever. Buffy passes out. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The living room in the Rosenberg house. Oz and Xander run in. Oz: (yells) Willow! Oz runs for her room. Xander is right behind him. Cut to her room. The boys barge in and see that it's a shambles. It's clear there was quite a struggle. They waste no time running back out. Cut to City Hall. A crowd is gathered in a room. A few of them are bearing torches. They all calmly watch as two of them finish tying Willow and Amy to stakes. Sheila: Hold still. Be a good girl. Buffy is between Willow and Amy, unconscious and also tied to a stake. Piled all around them are the library books that MOO has deemed offensive, ready to burn in a glorious blaze. Willow: No! Why are you doing this to me? Mom? Sheila: There's no cure but the f*re. Amy: (struggles against her ropes) Buffy! Wake up! Willow: This is crazy, Mom! Amy: Buffy! Buffy! Cut to the Summers house. Cordelia kneels over Giles and gives him a sharp slap to the face. Cordelia: Wake up! She slaps him two more times, and he begins to come out of it. She is about to slap again, when he suddenly reaches up and blocks her swing. Giles: Cordelia? Cordelia: Took you long enough to wake up. My hand hurts. Giles: Pity. (rubs his temples) Oh... Why are you here? Cordelia: Things are way out of control, Giles. First the thing at school, and then my mom confiscates all of my black clothes and scented candles. (Giles sits up) I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this craziness and found you all unconscious... again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? (Giles finds his glasses) I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma. Giles: (puts his glasses on) Wake up in a... Oh, never mind. (struggles to his feet) We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel. He heads for the front door. Cordelia follows him out. Cordelia: Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened *before* I h*t you. Cut to City Hall. Oz and Xander slam up against the doors and barge in. There they encounter four men guarding the doors to the room where the girls have been tied up. The two boys stop to face the men. Xander: What's with the grim? We're here to join you guys. They slowly approach the men, who eye them suspiciously. Xander: No, really. Why should you guys have all the fun? We wanna be part of the hate. Oz: Just so we're clear, you guys know you're nuts, right? The men lunge for the boys, who make a fast break and run down the hall. Cut to Buffy and Willow. Buffy begins to stir back to consciousness. Willow: Buffy! Buffy struggles against her bonds. Joyce: Good morning, sleepyhead. Buffy: (imploringly) Mom, you don't want this. Joyce: Since when does it matter what I want? I wanted a normal, happy daughter. Instead I got a Slayer. Sheila joins Joyce bearing a torch. Sheila: Torch. Joyce: (takes it) Thanks. This has been so trying. You've been such a champ. Sheila: Oh, you, too, Joyce. Joyce: We should stay close, have lunch. Sheila: Oh, I'd like that. How nice. Joyce bends down to set f*re to the books. Amy: Oh, you can't be serious! Buffy: Mom, don't! Joyce touches the torch to the books, and they begin to burn. Others with torches set the books ablaze all around them. Amy: Alright. You wanna fry a witch? I'll give you a witch! Goddess Hecate, work thy will! Buffy: Uh-oh. Amy's eyes turn pitch black, and the energy of her spell begins to swirl around her. Amy: Before thee let the unclean thing crawl! She shivers as the spell's power increases around her, building ever greater strength. Finally, since she hasn't directed the spell at anyone else, it works on her. She is engulfed by a sudden burst of flame. People in the crowd scream as they watch. An instant later Amy's clothes are empty, and they and the ropes drop to the books below. Everyone stares in amazement. Buffy and Willow look over to see what happened to her. Then a rat comes crawling out of Amy's clothes. It scampers down the pile of books and scurries across the floor. The frightened adults jump out of its way. Buffy can only watch Amy go. Buffy: She couldn't do us first? Willow: (desperately) You've seen what we can do! Another step and you will all feel my power! Buffy: (quietly) What are you gonna do, float a pencil at 'em? Willow: It's a really big power! The people stare at them in shock and horror. Buffy: Yes! You will all be turned into vermin. And some of you will be fish! Yeah, you in the back will be fish! Man in the back: Maybe we should go. The children suddenly appear. Hansel: But you promised. Gretel: You have to k*ll the bad girls. Cut to Giles' car. He and Cordelia race to City Hall. Cordelia looks through the things Giles brought with them. Cordelia: (disgusted) I can't believe you had this stuff in your apartment. It smells foul. Giles: Shred the wolfsbane. That's the, uh, the leafy stuff. And then you can crush the satyrion root. (tries to remember a spell) Luften sie den something. Schlumer? Schluter? Cordelia: (crushing the roots) What are you muttering about? Giles: It's a part of an incantation. It's in German, and without my book... Cordelia: What does it mean? Giles: It's about, uh, lifting a veil. Um, it should, uh, make the demons appear in their true form, which with any luck, will, uh, negate their influence. And, uh, drop a toadstone into the mixture. Cordelia: (picks it up) This? (sniffs it) It doesn't look like a toad. Giles: No reason it should. It's from inside the toad. Cordelia: (quickly drops it in) I hate you. Cut to City Hall. Oz and Xander have lost the posse and are trying to find another way in. They each struggle with doors, but they are all locked. Oz: We gotta get inside. They look around for where to go next. Then they hear Willow cry out. Willow: No! Oh, God, help! Oz: Will? Xander: It sounds like she's right... above us? Oz hops up on a bench below a ventilation shaft grate. He bangs on it a couple of times and it gives way. He climbs in. Xander is right behind. Cut to a high view of the crowd from behind Buffy. The fires are getting bigger, but still haven't reached the girls. Hansel and Gretel stand at the front of the crowd as they watch the flames grow and advance. Gretel: They hurt us. Hansel: Burn them. Buffy: (desperately) Mom, d*ad people are talking to you. Do the math! Joyce: I'm sorry, Buffy. Buffy: Mom, look at me! You love me. You're not gonna be able to live with yourself if you do this! Joyce: You earned this. You toyed with unnatural forces. What kind of a mother would I be if I didn't punish you? Cut to the hall outside. Giles and Cordelia barge into the hall. Giles hears the noises coming from inside and rushes over to the doors, but finds them locked. He looks around in desperation, and unexpectedly reaches into Cordelia's hair and pulls out a hairpin. Cordelia: Ouch! You got hair with that! Giles ignores her protests and kneels down in from of the doors. He carefully inserts the pin into the lock and begins to pick it. Cordelia: God, you really were the little youthful offender, weren't you? You must just look back on that and cringe. Giles: Shh! Cut inside. The flames are getting very close to Willow. Willow: Buffy, I can't take it! It's too hot! Buffy: I'm sorry, Will. If it wasn't for me, none of this would have happened. Giles gets the door open, and comes in. Buffy: It wouldn't be... (sees Giles) Giles points Cordelia to a f*re hose in the corner. She goes to it and smashes the glass with her elbow, holding up her hand to protect her face from the glass. The noise gets the crowd's attention. Joyce: Stop them! Cordelia pulls out the hose and turns it on, spraying the advancing crowd. Giles starts reciting his incantation in very bad, unintelligible German, muffled by the sound of the water spraying. Cordelia: (to the people) You like that? Huh? How 'bout some more! In spite of all the spraying, not very much water has gotten on the flames, and they have gotten dangerously close to Willow. Willow: Buffy, I'm on f*re! Buffy: Cordelia, put out the f*re! Cordelia: Oh, right. She turns the stream of water on the flames and quickly douses them. Cut to the ventilation shafts. Oz and Xander are still trying to find their way to the room. Cut to the room. Cordelia gets the last of the flames extinguished and turns off the water. Hansel and Gretel slowly walk up to them. Buffy and Willow pant in relief. The children keep closing in on Giles. Giles raises the bottle with his potion high and recites an incantation. Giles: Ihr Goetter, ruft Euch an! Verbergt Euch nicht hinter falschen Gesichtern! Translation: You gods, I call upon you! Do not hide behind false faces! He throws the bottle to the floor, smashing it in front of the children. The potion begins to steam around them. Hansel and Gretel look at each other and embrace. A moment later the two children morph into a single demon standing over seven feet (215cm) tall. Its ears are pointed and huge fangs jut from its lower jaw. Its skin is red and mottled and its hair is long and tangled. Cordelia: Okay, I think I liked the two little ones more than the one big one. Sheila and Joyce stare up at the demon in horror. The other people in the room all run out screaming. The demon turns to face Buffy. Out of her trance now, Joyce looks at the two girls tied up and helpless against him. Joyce: Oh, my God! Demon: Protect us! k*ll the bad girls! Buffy: You know what? Not as convincing in that outfit. The demon roars and comes at her. Buffy struggles with her bonds, trying to get free. The ropes don't give, but the stake breaks. It's top heavy now, and forces Buffy to bend over so the tip is pointing at the demon, who can't stop his advance and impales himself through the neck. Sheila and Joyce look on in disgust. Buffy can't straighten herself back up with the weight of the demon's body at the other end of the stake, and so can't see the result of her unwitting maneuver. Buffy: Did I get it? Did I get it? Suddenly the ceiling gives way above them, and Oz and Xander come crashing down. The books break their fall. They look up weakly at Buffy and the d*ad demon. Oz: We're here to save you. Cut to Willow's house on another night. Cut into her room. She and Buffy have a number of bowls and jars of powders and potions laid out. Several candles are burning. Willow idly crushes some herbs in a bowl. Buffy: Your mom doesn't mind us doing this in the house? Willow: She doesn't know. Buffy: Business as usual? Willow: Hmm, sort of. She's doing that selective memory thing your mom used to be so good at. Buffy: She forgot everything? Willow: (ruefully) No. She remembered the part where I said I was dating a musician. She takes a pinch of the herbs she's crushed and sprinkles it onto a ceremonial iron plate set out between the girls. Willow: Oz has to come for dinner next week. So, that's sort of like taking an interest. Buffy: (looks down at their preparations and sighs) Okay, should we try this again? Willow: Let's do it. I think we got the mix of herbs right this time. Buffy: Okay. Ready? She lights a match and sets it to the mixture of herbs and roots on the plate while Willow recites her spell. It begins to burn, emitting purple smoke. Willow: Diana, Hecate, I hereby license thee to depart. Goddess of creatures great and small, I conjure thee to withdraw. Willow and Buffy both look over at Amy the rat. She gets up on her hind legs expectantly. Nothing happens, though, and she gets back down on all fours, seemingly disappointed. Buffy looks over at Willow. Buffy: Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x11 - Gingerbread"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Angel's mansion. The lights are low. The logs in the fireplace are burning steadily. Candles are lit throughout the room. The camera pans across a blanket upon which are the remains of a cozy picnic dinner. Suddenly Buffy hits the floor in front of the fireplace hard on her back. She has her right knee pulled up to her chest. Angel crouches over her, holding himself up with his arms and grinning down at her. She uses her leg to throw Angel over her head. He flips backward and lands flat on his back. Buffy does a kick-up, bringing her up to a standing position, and spins around to face Angel as he gets to his feet. He hesitates for a moment before lunging at her with a wide punch that she easily ducks. She comes up behind him, and he turns around to face her. He tries a left-hand punch, but she inner form blocks it and flies into a half-spinning in-to-out crescent kick. Angel ducks it, but gets knocked off his feet when Buffy keeps on spinning downwards with a back leg sweep, sending him to the floor. She scrambles to grab a baguette from the blanket and rolls toward Angel. She comes up straddling him at the waist and plunges the long, thin loaf at his chest, stopping just short of penetration. Buffy: Gotcha! Angel: (defeated) Uhh! Right in the heart. Buffy: (smiling) Satisfied? Angel: I'm not sure that's the word. Buffy: (taken aback) Okay. She sets aside the baguette, stands up and takes a few steps away. Buffy: I didn't mean 'satisfied' like... He grabs the baguette and gets up also. Angel: No, I, I wasn't trying to... Buffy: (awkwardly) 'Cause we're not having satisfaction in the personal sense. Angel: Of course. (exhales) Buffy: (smiles) I should go. (walks past him) Giles is... Angel: (turns with her) ...is waiting for you. (Buffy faces him) I know. Buffy: (smiling) Thanks. For the workout. Angel: (nods) Um, am I gonna see you this weekend? You, uh, you-you probably have plans. Buffy: Right, birthday. Um, actually, I, I do have a thing. Angel: Oh, a thing. (trying to be cool) A date? Buffy: (nods) Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. (steps closer) Older man. Very handsome. He likes it when I call him 'Daddy'. Angel: (smiles) Huh, your father. (frowns) It is your father, right? She gives him a big reassuring grin and nods. Buffy: He's taking me to the ice show. (Angel sighs with relief) Which should be big fun. I could use a little fun. Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting at the table while Giles dangles a pink crystal in front of her. She plays with a long, thin, translucent one. There is a rather large collection of crystals of various colors, shapes and sizes on the table. Giles: This one? Buffy: Amethyst. Giles: Used for? Buffy: Breath mints? (looks up at him) Giles: (exasperated) Charm bags, money spells, and for cleansing one's aura. Buffy: Okay, so how do you know if one's aura's dirty? Somebody come by with a finger and write (gestures with her crystal) 'wash me' on it? Giles sets down his crystal, takes off his glasses and props his arms on the table, leaning toward Buffy. Giles: (seriously) Buffy, I'm aware of your distaste for studying vibratory stones, but since it is part of your training, I would appreciate your glib-free attention. Buffy: Sorry. It's just with Faith on one of her unannounced walkabouts, I feel like somebody should be patrolling. Giles: (looks over the crystals) Well, Faith is not interested in proper training, so I must rely on you to keep up with yours. Buffy: I hate being the good one. Giles: And as for patrolling, well, you'll be there soon enough. (suddenly curious) Why so anxious? Buffy: I guess it... (suddenly self-conscious about her crystal, quickly puts it down) I just have some... energy to burn. Giles: Well, in due time, (puts his glasses on) but, uh, for the present, (selects the largest blue crystal) if it's not entirely beyond your capabilities, (sets it in front of Buffy) try to concentrate. Buffy sighs and stares into the crystal. Cut to a playground later that night. A vampire front rolls down the slide and onto the ground. Buffy runs down the slide after him and stops next to him in a ready stance. Buffy: Wow, that was really funny-looking! (grins widely) Could you do it again? Vampire: I'll k*ll you for that. (jumps up) Buffy: For that? What were you trying to k*ll me for before? The vampire swings at her, but she ducks it and comes up behind him. He faces her just in time to take a roundhouse kick in the shoulder. He swings again, but she ducks it and punches him in the gut, then rises back up and backhand punches him in the head. Then she shoves him back a step so she can follow up with a half-spinning wheel kick, making the vampire stumble back and fall onto the carousel. She strides toward him. Buffy: Okay, so here's the deal. (raises her stake) Suddenly she is overcome by dizziness. She closes her eyes and steps back unsteadily, almost as though in pain. The vampire seizes the opening and rushes her, grabs her by the jacket, swings her around and throws her onto a picnic table. She rolls off of it and onto the ground. The vampire jumps on top of her, straddling her. She turns her head away in fright. He grabs her right wrist with one hand and with the other grabs her hand and twists it around, hurting her and making her cry out. Her stake is now pointed at her own chest, and the vampire uses his weight to slowly push it down at her. Vampire: Lemme know if I'm not doing this right. Her eyes go wide with terror as she struggles desperately with him. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The playground. The vampire straddling Buffy leans hard on the stake, slowly pushing it closer to Buffy's chest. She struggles hard to keep him at bay, but she's losing the battle. In a desperate attempt to get him off of her, she head butts the vampire. He is slightly stunned and stops pushing down on the stake, but remains on top of her. She then slaps him in the face hard and shoves him off of her. He rolls away and onto all fours. Buffy scrambles to get the stake, rolls back onto her back and braces the stake against her chest pointing upward. The vampire jumps to his feet and lunges angrily for her, landing on top of her and impaling himself. He explodes into a cloud of ashes. Buffy waits a moment before she raises herself into a sitting position. She brushes some of the dust from her jacket and takes a few breaths before standing up. Cut to Sunnydale High the next morning. Cut to the library. Buffy stands by the table concentrating on a target she set up against the railing of the stack level. She raises a Kn*fe and throws it. It glances off of the target and clinks as it hits the floor. Giles comes into the library with his briefcase and a cup of coffee and heads toward his office. Giles: Bit early in the day. (sips his coffee) Buffy: Giles, something's wrong. Giles: (stops) Wrong? He sees the target with a few knives stuck awkwardly into it. None of them are anywhere near the center. Giles: Ah. Perhaps you shouldn't... (Buffy throws a Kn*fe and misses) ...do that anymore. (sets down his briefcase) Buffy: On top of that, I got a bad case of the dizzies last night and almost let a vamp stake me. With my own stake! Giles sips his coffee again as Buffy throws yet another Kn*fe. It flies wild. Buffy: I'm way off my game. (Giles sips again) My game's left the country. It's in Cuernavaca. Giles, what's going on here? Giles: (sits) Well, perhaps you've got a bad flu bug or something. Buffy: No. No, not sick. I *can't* get sick. My dad's coming to take me to the ice show. We do it every year for my birthday. If I cancel, it's gonna break his heart. Giles: Well, just, um, take it easy for forty-eight hours. You know, forego patrolling until you feel yourself again. He gets up again and goes to get his briefcase. Buffy picks up a couple more knives from the table. Buffy: No. No, I just need to spend a little more time training. She throws one. This time it goes very wild and breaks one of the reading lamps. Giles didn't see it, but he sure heard it. Buffy: I'm gone! (turns and leaves) Giles: Thank you! He goes into his office without looking at the damage. Cut outside to the lunch tables. Oz, Xander, Willow and Buffy are eating. Xander: An ice show? A show performed on ice. And how old are we again? Willow: I went to Snoopy On Ice when I was little. My dad took me backstage and I got so scared I threw up on Woodstock. Buffy: Look, I know you guys think it's just a big, dumb, girlie thing, but it's not. I mean, a lot of those skaters are Olympic medal winners. And every year my dad buys me cotton candy and one of those souvenir programs that has all the pictures, and okay, it's a big, dumb, girlie thing, but I love it. Oz: It's not so girlie. Ice is cool! It's water, but it's not. Willow: I think it's sweet you and your dad have a tradition. Especially now that he's not around so much. Ixnay on the caramel corn, though, if you go backstage. Buffy nods in agreement. Xander: We're still talking party, right? I mean, some of us still love to relish celebrating in the birth of the Buff. Buffy: I dunno. I think it might be time to put a moratorium on parties in my honor. They tend to go badly. Monsters crash. People die. Willow: But eighteen is a *big* one, Buffy. I mean, you can vote now. You can be drafted. (smiles) You can vote not to be drafted. Buffy: I think I'll choose to celebrate this one with quiet reflection. Xander: Where is it written that quiet reflection can't be combined with cake and funny hats? Cut to the kitchen at Buffy's house. A large birthday floral arrangement is on the island, complete with helium balloon and card. The tickets to the ice show are attached to the card. Joyce is at the stove making dinner. She hears the front door close. Joyce: Buffy? Buffy: Present. She comes into the kitchen, sees the flowers and smiles. Buffy: Ooo, present! Joyce: Uh, they're not. They're from your father. Buffy takes the card and tickets from the arrangement and looks at them. Her expression shows deep disappointment. Joyce: His, uh, quarterly projections are unraveling and he can't afford to take off right now. He promises to make it up to you. It's all right there in the letter. Buffy sadly folds up the tickets and the card without even opening it. Joyce: I-if you want, I could ask somebody to cover for me at the gallery. I-I mean, if you want me to take you. Buffy: No. No, that's not necessary. I-I was just thinking it might be nice to have a quiet birthday. Cut to an abandoned boardinghouse. The sign outside reads "Sunnydale Arms, Rooms for Let, Breakfast Included, Inquire Within." Cut inside. The place is dark and musty. A few of the wall lamps are lit and there's a f*re going in the fireplace. It's clear, though, that no one has lived here for years. The furniture is torn and the books on the shelves are strewn about. A man is bricking shut one of the windows. Quentin Travers, a member of the Watcher's Council, observes his progress. He turns as another man comes down the stairs. Quentin: How much longer, Hobson? Hobson: Five, maybe six hours, sir. They slowly walk into the next room. Quentin: Once you finish, you and Blair can get some rest. But sleep in shifts. He and Hobson stop and look across the room. There stands a tall wooden crate with a heavy lock on it. Quentin: We're getting very close. The Slayer's preparation is nearly complete. Cut to the library. Giles gets out the crystals again and carefully lays them out on the table. Buffy sits and watches him. Buffy: You know, it's not just cartoon characters. They do pieces from operas and ballets. Brian Boitano, doing Carmen, is a life changer. Oh, he doesn't actually play Carmen, but a lot of sophisticated people go. Giles: (absently) Yes, I think we should start with the grounding crystal again. He sets the largest blue crystal on the table in front of Buffy. Buffy: You know, it's usually something that families do together. He absently sets the box aside. Giles: Now, look very carefully for the tiny flaw at its core. Buffy: I-if someone were free, they'd take their daughters or their student... or their Slayer. (looks up at him hopefully) Giles: Hmm? Yes, but, Buffy, I think we should concentrate now. Now, look for the flaw at its center. He leans against the table. Buffy gives in and starts to concentrate on the crystal. At its center is a small stake-shaped flaw in an otherwise nearly clear blue crystal. Faint wind chimes can be heard as Buffy slowly goes into a trance. Giles leans over further and looks into her face. Giles: Buffy? Satisfied that she is caught in the crystal's thrall, he pulls a small case from his briefcase, sets it on the table and opens it. Inside is a hypodermic needle, a test tube full of a clear yellow liquid and an alcohol-soaked gauze pad. Keeping a careful eye on Buffy, he takes the pad and leans toward her. He takes her arm, pushes up her sleeve and wipes the pad on a spot near the inside of her elbow. He fills the syringe, taps it to get any air bubbles to the tip and pushes on the plunger until the fluid begins to squirt out. Again he checks to be sure Buffy is under, then he takes her arm in one hand and with the other sticks in the needle. Slowly he depresses the plunger, all the while keeping an eye on his charge. She doesn't stir in the least. He pulls the needle back out. Buffy does not bleed from the site. Quickly he puts everything away. Buffy remains in the crystal's thrall. Giles sits on the table, trying to be casual, and waves his hand between Buffy and the crystal. She comes out of her trance and looks up at him. Buffy: Oh, I'm sorry. (rubs her temples) Did I zone out on you? It's just... I'm nursing that flu bug. Giles: It's best to take care of that. Perhaps we should, um... Buffy: ...call it a night. Yeah, (exhales) that's a good idea. Thanks. She gets up weakly and groans as she walks out of the library. Giles smiles to himself. Giles: Good night. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The quad at Sunnydale High on the next day. Buffy and Willow come walking from the stairs. Buffy: So, how's it going with Amy the rat? Willow: (excited) Good! She loves her new exercise wheel. She runs around, her nose wiggles... Buffy: (interrupts) I-I meant, how's it going changing her back into a human being? Willow: Oh. Still working on it. But I just got her the cutest little bell... They hear a boy raising his voice and look in his direction. He's talking to Cordelia. Boy: (upset) You don't do that to me! I waited for you at the Bronze all night! Cordelia: And the big deal is? Boy: You made me look like some kind of dork in front of my posse! He grabs her arm. Cordelia is offended, and slaps his arm away. Cordelia: First of all, 'posse'? Passe'! Second of all, anyone with a teaspoon of brains knows not to take my flirting seriously. Especially with my extenuating circumstances. Boy: (confused) What circumstances? Cordelia: Rebound! Look it up! She tries to leave, but he grabs her by both shoulders and pushes her against a tree. Boy: Hey! I'm not through here. Buffy immediately moves in and grabs the boy's arm. Buffy: Oh, I beg to differ. She tries to yank at it, but finds she has absolutely no strength. He scoffs at her and nudges her away rather hard. Buffy falls backward, stumbling onto a bench and rolls off onto the ground. Cordelia is incensed, and shoves him away from her. Cordelia: What is wrong with you? Boy: Ow. She starts pounding him in the chest with girlie punches. He quickly backs away, but Cordelia keeps up with him and won't let up. Boy: God, the chick started it! Willow gets down to her knees to help Buffy up. Willow: (very concerned) Are you okay? Buffy slowly sits up, very confused. Cut to the hall. Giles is heading toward the library with a stack of magazines. Buffy catches up with him. Buffy: Okay, I just got swatted down by some no-neck and rescued by Cordelia. What the hell is happening? Giles: I'm sure it'll sort itself out. Buffy: (desperate to know) You're not getting the big picture here. I-I have *no* strength. I have *no* coordination. I throw knives like... Giles: (calmly) A girl? Buffy: (confused by his reaction) Like I'm not the Slayer. Giles: Look, Buffy, I, I, I assure you, um... given time... w-w-we'll get to the bottom of, of whatever's causing this, um... anomaly. Buffy: Promise me. Giles: Yes. I give you my word. He heads down the hall for his library. Quentin: You're having doubts. Cut inside the boardinghouse. He and Giles are sharing a cup of tea. Quentin: Cruciamentum is not easy... for Slayer or Watcher. But it's been done this way for a dozen centuries. Whenever a Slayer turns eighteen. It's a time-honored rite of passage. Giles: It's an archaic exercise in cruelty. To lock her in this... tomb... weakened, defenseless. (looks at the crate behind him) And to unleash *that* on her. He stares at the crate in the other room for a long moment before turning back to Quentin. Giles: If any one of the Council still had actual contact with a Slayer, they would see, but I'm the one in the thick of it. Quentin: Which is why you're not qualified to make this decision. You're too close. Giles: That's not true. Quentin: A Slayer is not just physical prowess. She must have cunning, imagination, a confidence derived from self-reliance. And believe me, once this is all over, your Buffy will be stronger for it. Giles: Or she'll be d*ad for it. Cut to later. Hobson is working on the front door. He stops for a moment when Quentin and Giles approach and lets them go through. Quentin: Rupert, if this girl is everything you say, then you've nothing to worry about. Giles isn't so sure. He puts on his glasses and leaves without saying a word. Hobson: (to Quentin) Uh, sir, if you can spare me for a short spell, I'll need to make a run to the hardware store. I just need some... He is interrupted by loud screaming coming from inside the crate. Blair hears it, too, and comes in from another room. Quentin: Take care of it. The two men reluctantly go to the crate. Quentin slowly follows them. Whatever's inside the crate keeps screaming its head off. Cut to the crate. Blair opens the lock and removes it. He pulls open the latch and jerks open the crate. Inside is a very angry vampire secured in a straightjacket and strapped to the back of the crate with a metal band across his forehead. The two men nervously stare at the vampire. Quentin: (impatient) Come on. Come on. Blair steps over to a table and pulls two pills from a bottle. He puts them on a spoon that's been tied to a long bar. Hobson stands behind him with a glass of water also on the end of a long bar. Blair reaches the spoon up to the vampire's mouth. Blair: Kralik, your pills. Open your mouth. The vampire opens its mouth just enough, and Blair nudges the spoon in, turning it to drop the pills in, then quickly retreats. Hobson steps up with the glass of water and angles it for Kralik to drink. He gulps deeply. Some of the water spills to the sides of his mouth. Quentin: That's enough. Close it up. Hobson backs away, and Blair slams the crate shut. Cut to the library. The g*ng is at the table doing research into Buffy's condition. Willow: Aha! A curse on Slayers. Buffy looks up. Willow reads again. Willow: Oh, no. Wait. I-it's lawyers. Xander: You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like, um, (ahem) Slayer kryptonite. Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills. Xander: You're assuming I meant the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers. Oz: (thinks) Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird... Buffy: (impatiently) Guys? Reality? She drops her book onto the table, gets up and walks toward the stairs. Willow gets up and follows. Willow: Buffy. (they stop) I know you are *definitely*, without a doubt, gonna get your powers back. Buffy: Thanks, Will. (starts up to the stacks) Willow: But what if you don't? Buffy: (stops) Okay... (sighs) if I don't get my powers back, then I don't. I'll deal. (considers) And there's a whole lotta good sides to it. Willow: Actually, this could open up so many... Giles comes into the library. Buffy runs up to him. Buffy: Giles. Did you find anything? Giles: (apologetically) Uh, no. Not yet. Cut to the boardinghouse. Hobson comes into the room where he and Blair have set up their cots. He has just sat down on his when Kralik begins to thrash and scream in his crate. Blair wakes and sits bolt upright. They both take deep breaths when they realize he's not loose. Hobson: It's your shift. Blair gets up and goes to take care of their charge, pulling the door to their room closed behind him as Hobson lies down for a rest. Cut to the crate. Blair pulls it open. Kralik is still tied up inside. Kralik: Pills! Blair: (nervously) Yes. He looks over at the pill bottle and sees that there's no water in the glass. He takes it and quickly goes to the kitchen. Kralik takes a deep breath and strains against the straightjacket, screaming very loudly. The seam on his right shoulder tears. In the kitchen Blair fills the glass and casts a worried look behind him. Blair: It's coming! He turns off the water and runs back to the crate. Kralik lifts his shoulder to make the tear in the seam less conspicuous. Kralik: Pills! Blair sets down the water, gets two pills from the bottle and puts them on the spoon. He holds it up to Kralik's mouth as the vampire continues to groan loudly, crushing his eyelids shut and panting in apparent pain. Blair: Take them. Kralik: Pills! Blair: They're right in front of you. Kralik: (sniffs) Where? (sniffs) Blair: Here! Kralik: I can't see... can't... (sticks out his tongue) can't reach it. Blair takes a careful step closer. Blair: Open your eyes. Kralik suddenly thrusts out his arm and grabs Blair by the neck, lifting him from the floor and choking him. Kralik: Shh. Everything's okay now. Cut to Angel's mansion. The f*re is going nicely. The camera pulls back to show Buffy and Angel sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. Buffy unwraps a book, Angel's birthday gift to her. She opens it and leafs through it. It's a copy of "Sonnets from the Portuguese", classic love poems by Elizabeth Barrett Browning to her husband, Robert Browning. On the title page Angel has written simply "Always". Buffy: (softly) Thank you. That's beautiful. Angel: You really like it? Buffy: Of course I do. It's sweet and thoughtful and... full of neat words to learn and say like 'wilt' and 'henceforth'. Angel: Then why'd you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box? Buffy: I'm sorry. Uh, it's just suddenly there's this chance that my calling's a wrong number, and... it's just freaking me out a little. Angel: That's understandable. Buffy: Angel, what if I have lost my power? Angel: You lived a long time without it. You can do it again. Buffy: I guess. But what if I can't? I've seen too much. I know what goes bump in the night. Not being able to fight it... What if I just hide under my bed, all scared and helpless? Or what if I just become pathetic? Hanging out at the old Slayer's home, talking people's ears off about my glory days, showing them Mr. Pointy, the stake I had bronzed. Angel: Buffy, you could never be helpless or boring, not even if you tried. Buffy raises her eyebrows and gets up. Buffy: Don't be so sure. She steps over to a table. Buffy: Before I was the Slayer, I was... (leans on the table) Well, I, I don't wanna say shallow, but... Let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless, we'll just call her Spordelia, looked like a classical philosopher next to me. Angel, if I'm not the Slayer, what do I do? What do I have to offer? Why would you like me? Angel: (quietly) I saw you before you became the Slayer. Buffy: (confused) What? Angel: I watched you, and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps... and... and I loved you. Buffy: Why? Angel: 'Cause I could see your heart. (gets up) You held it before you for everyone to see. (walks to her) And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe... to warm it with my own. Buffy looks up into his eyes for a long moment, then leans into him, and they embrace, holding each other close. Buffy: That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross. Angel: (grimacing) I was just thinking that, too. Cut to the boardinghouse. Although Kralik has his arm free, he's still tied too well to free himself from the straightjacket. No matter, though, seeing as Blair is lying in front of him, soon to become a vampire. Kralik idly hums and licks his fingers while he waits for his new friend to wake. He watches as Blair's face spontaneously morphs into a vampire's. Blair stirs, turns his head to see where the humming is coming from and slowly gets to his feet. Kralik: Ah, you're up. I was afraid I drained you too much. I do that sometimes. Blair growls at Kralik, but knows what he must do. He looks around for the ax he knows should be there. Kralik: Ever have a tune you can't get outta your head? It keeps playing over and over and over? Drives me nuts. Blair brings the ax over and swings it at the metal strap where it's attached to the crate on the left side of Kralik's head, then on the right. The strap falls to the floor, and Kralik steps out. Kralik: Ahh. Thank you. He grunts as he pulls the straightjacket off his other arm and lets it fall. Kralik: Ohh. That... is much better. He goes over to his pill bottle and pops a couple into his mouth, then picks up the glass of water and steps back over to Blair. Kralik: Mmm. He takes a good swallow of the water. Kralik: It's a game, you know. We're not gonna play by their rules, but... that doesn't mean we're not gonna play. He smiles broadly and downs the rest of the water. Kralik: Mmm. (points at Hobson's room) Why don't you call your friend in? We'll discuss it over dinner. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The boardinghouse later that night. Giles opens the door and takes a tentative look inside. Everything seems quiet. Giles: Quentin? He steps in and closes the door, still wary of the place. He goes into the sitting room. Nothing seems amiss. He walks back out and down the hall, looking up the stairs. Still all seems well, but it's just too quiet. He takes a few steps up to the landing. Giles: Hello? Quentin? Hob... He notices that the stair railing feels clammy, and looks at his hand. It's covered with fresh blood. From the landing he looks into the other room and sees the closed crate standing there. He rushes down the stairs and looks for a w*apon. He grabs one of the stair rail supports and breaks it out with the heel of his other hand. He heads straight for the crate, intending to dust whatever's inside, but finds it empty. Alarmed, he looks around and then down at the floor. There he sees tracks of blood leading into the kitchen. He follows them, ready for anything. Holding his makeshift stake up and ready, he grabs the doorknob and swings it open, but nothing is there to meet him. He searches for the light switch, first on one side, then the other, and flips it on when he finds it. He sees what's left of Hobson lying on the table. The camera only shows his arm, but the mauling Hobson received must have been horrific because Giles immediately drops the stake, backs out of the kitchen, puts his hand to his mouth and does his best not to vomit. Quickly he regains his composure and makes tracks out of the house. Cut to the streets. Buffy is slowly walking home holding her coat closed and hugging her book. She watches as a car passes, and then steps into the street to cross it. Near the other side of the street she walks past a couple of guys just hanging out by a car. They see her pass by and check her out. Man: (to the other) Let's find out. (to Buffy's back) Hey, sweet girl! (Buffy stops cold) How much for a lap dance for me and my buddy? They laugh to themselves. Buffy begins to turn around, but thinks better of taking them on in her weakened state. She continues along the street. The men make no move to follow her. Buffy: (wryly) Walk me home, Angel. No, I'm fine. I can take care of myself. She rounds a corner and hears humming, but doesn't see anyone around. She stops and looks behind her, but sees no one there either. Buffy: Hummers. Big turnoff. I like guys that can remember the lyrics. She starts to walk again as she turns back, and runs right into Kralik. He holds onto her by the arms while she tries to pull away. Kralik: You know, I wish I could, but my mind just isn't what it used to be. Buffy: Let me go. She pulls harder, and he yanks her back. Kralik: (playfully) You didn't say please! She starts to struggle in earnest and call for help. Buffy: HELP ME! SOMEBODY, PLEASE! She gets her left arm loose, pulls her right arm out of her jacket and lets her left arm slip out of the other sleeve as she begins to run. Blair heads her off and roars at her. She screams and begins to run back the other way, dodging Kralik, who makes no move to give chase. He has what he wants. Blair, however, continues to run after her. Buffy: HELP ME, PLEASE! SOMEBODY! Cut to an alley behind a row of houses. She runs along it. Buffy: SOMEBODY, PLEASE HELP ME! At the far end of the alley she encounters a fence. She tries to climb it, but doesn't have the strength. She drops back down, checks behind her and sees Blair coming. She looks down and sees that the fence has been cut at the base, and so quickly gets down and crawls through it. Blair catches up and grabs her by the leg. She keeps crawling, making him lose his balance and grip, but he scrambles to grab her foot. He can't get a good hold of it, though, and Buffy slips through and begins to run. Blair gets down and starts to squeeze himself through the fence. Buffy runs into the street and tries to flag down a car. Buffy: STOP! PLEASE, I NEED HELP! The driver honks his horn and swerves sharply to get around her, but he just keeps going. Buffy: PLEASE, STOP! She looks over at Blair, who couldn't get through the hole, and sees him climbing the fence instead. Another car honks at her and screeches around her. A third car comes in the other direction. Buffy thinks she recognizes it. She does when it stops. Giles pushes open the passenger- side door. Giles: Hurry! She jumps in and Giles g*n it just as Blair gets there. Blair grabs the door and gets his feet up just inside the car. Buffy hits him repeatedly as they speed along, and eventually Blair can't hold on any longer. He drops out of the car and rolls over a few times in the street before coming to a stop face down. Back by the fence Kralik steps into the street and watches them go. Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting at the table wrapped in a blanket. Buffy: When I h*t him, it felt like my arm was broken, it hurt so much. I can't be just a person. I can't be helpless like that. Giles, please, we have to figure out what's happening to me. Giles opens his briefcase and pulls out the case with the syringe. He opens it, lets out a deep sigh and sets it in front of her. Giles: (with a shaky voice) It's an organic compound... of muscle relaxants and adrenal suppressers. The effect is temporary. You'll be yourself again in a few days. Buffy can't believe her ears or eyes. She reaches out to the tube of liquid and touches it. Buffy: You? Giles: (shaky) It's a test, Buffy. (takes off his glasses) It's given to the Slayer once she... uh, well, if she reaches her eighteenth birthday. (swallows hard) The Slayer is disabled and then entrapped with a vampire foe whom she must defeat in order to pass the test. (paces toward his office) The vampire you were to face... has escaped. (stops at the door facing away) His name is Zackary Kralik. As a mortal, he m*rder and tortured more than a dozen women before he was committed to an asylum for the criminally insane. When a vamp... Buffy stands up and throws the syringe case at him, but misses, hitting the wall beside him. Buffy: (sobbing angrily) You bastard. All this time, you saw what it was doing to me. All this time, and you didn't say a word! Giles: (faces her) I wanted to. Buffy: (sobs) Liar. Giles: In matters of tradition and protocol, I must answer to the Council. Buffy runs her hands through her hair in disbelief of her betrayal. Giles: My role in this... was very specific. I was to administer the injections and to direct you to the old boardinghouse on Prescott Lane. Buffy: (crying and shaking her head) I can't... I can't hear this. Giles: Buffy, please. Buffy: (looks him in the face) Who are you? (lowers her hands) How could you do this to me? Giles: I am deeply sorry, Buffy, (reaches out to her) and you have to understand... She backs away and warns him off with her hand. Buffy: (shaking with hatred) If you touch me, I'll k*ll you. Giles lowers his hand. Giles: (imploringly) You have to listen to me. Because I've told you this, the test is invalidated. You will be safe now, I promise you. Now, whatever I have to do to deal with Kralik... and to win back your trust... Buffy: (interrupts, sobbing) You stuck a needle in me. You poisoned me! Behind them Cordelia walks into the library. Cordelia: What's going on? She sees Buffy's tear-streaked face. Cordelia: Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother. Buffy starts to walk out of the library. Giles: (desperately) You can't walk home alone, Buffy. It isn't safe. Buffy stops. Cordelia doesn't understand and looks at her. Buffy: (facing away) I don't know you. Cordelia: (faces Giles) Did something take her memory? (turns to Buffy) He's Giles. Giiillles. (grins) He hangs out here a lot. Buffy turns around. Buffy: Cordelia, could you please drive me home? Cordelia: (surprised) Of course. Buffy turns and walks out. Cordelia: (to Giles) But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note. She follows Buffy out of the library. Cut to the Summers' dining room. Joyce is doing her bills. She hears a noise outside and looks up. She gets up from the table. Cut outside. Joyce opens the door and steps out. She looks over to the side of the porch. Joyce: Buffy? There she sees a figure lying on the floor shrouded in Buffy's coat. She reaches down and touches the figure's back. It rolls over, and Kralik looks up at her. She steps back in fright. Kralik: (grinning horribly) Mother. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at the Summers house. Buffy opens the door and comes in. The bouquet from her father is still on the island. She pushes it to the end and lets it drop into the wastebasket. She walks through the dining room and sees the front door standing open. Taped to the doorframe is a Polaroid photo. She strides over to it and pulls it down to look at it. It's of her mother with Kralik behind her holding her by the neck. She turns the picture over, and on the back is written "come". Cut to her room. She has a heavy leather bag open on her bed. She pulls a Kn*fe and several stakes from her trunk and drops them into the bag. At her desk she opens the top left drawer with her Slayer stuff and pulls out a bottle of Holy Water. This she drops into the pocket of her coveralls. She closes the bag and heaves it up by the strap and onto her shoulder. It's very heavy, and she has to lean to the side quite a bit to counterbalance it as she walks out of her room. Cut to the basement of the boardinghouse. Joyce is tied to a chair and gagged. Kralik: Mother. She looks toward his voice, and he snaps another Polaroid of her. Kralik: May I call you Mother? (walks in front of her) My own mother was a person with no self-respect of her own, so she tried to take mine. Joyce turns her head away from him, and he takes another picture. She strains against the ropes around her arm, but they are too tight. Kralik: Ten years old, she had the scissors. You wouldn't believe what she took with those. (takes another pic) But she's d*ad to me now. (takes two more) Mostly (chuckles) because I k*lled and ate her, but also because I know I won't be alone much longer. (kneels by Joyce) I'll have your daughter. I won't k*ll her; I'll just make her like me. Different. She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up, (gets into her face) your face will be the first thing she eats. Joyce's eyes are wide with terror. Kralik stops to consider. Kralik: I have a problem with mothers. (chuckles) I'm aware of that. Cut to the front door of the boardinghouse. It opens quietly, and Buffy looks in. She has her crossbow up and ready. The front rooms are empty and quiet, so she steps in. She takes one of her stakes and puts it down between the door and the frame to keep it open. Again she raises her bow and looks around the front rooms. She steps in further and looks through the archway into the sitting room. The f*re is going there. She walks once around the room and then sets her bag down on the old couch. She continues to explore the area quietly, her fear and nervousness evident in her face. She approaches a door and cautiously takes hold of the knob. Quickly she twists it and pulls the door open, only to find that it's been bricked up on the other side. She closes it again. Cut outside. A hand reaches down and picks up the stake she left there. The door closes and the latch echoes loudly. Cut inside. Buffy spins around to face the noise. Cut outside. The camera pans from the hand up to Blair's face. Cut to Giles' office. He's on the phone trying to reach Quentin. The other end of the line keeps ringing. Just then Quentin appears at the door and walks in. Giles sees him and sets the phone back down in its cradle. Giles: I was just trying to reach you. Quentin: I was on watch over by the boardinghouse. (paces away) Giles: Then you know what's happened. Quentin: Yes. Giles: (angrily) He's k*lled Hobson and made Blair one of his own. Your perfectly controlled test seems to have spun rather impressively out of control, don't you think? Quentin turns and gives him a long look, then paces back the other way to the teapot. Quentin: It changes nothing. (lifts the lid from the teapot) Giles: Well, then, allow me. (leans on his desk) I've told Buffy everything. Quentin: (looks up from the teapot) That is in direct opposition to the Council's orders. (sets the lid back down) Giles: Yes. (crosses his arms) Interestingly, I don't give a rat's ass about the Council's orders. There will be no test. Quentin: (pours a cup of tea) The test has already g*n. Your Slayer entered the field of play about ten minutes ago. Giles: (stands up, surprised) Why? Quentin: I don't know. I returned there just as she entered. Giles grabs his keys from his desk and starts out of the office. Quentin tries to stop him. Quentin: Now Giles, we've no business... Giles grabs him by the coat and shoves him up against the doorframe. Giles: This is *not* business! He lets the other man go and strides out of the library. Cut to the sitting room in the boardinghouse. Buffy slowly moves out of it back into the foyer. She looks around before entering it, then goes back over to the door to check it. It's locked shut. She yanks at it several times, but she can't budge it. Blair comes up behind her and growls. Buffy spins around and aims the crossbow at him. She pulls the trigger, but the bolt flies right past his face. Blair grabs the bow, jerks it out of her hands and throws it down. He grabs her by the throat and begins to choke her. Buffy grabs onto his arm and stomps on his foot. Blair lets go. She shoves him aside and runs into the sitting room. She opens her bag and tries to reach in, but Blair reaches for her over the back of the couch. Buffy jumps away and runs to the far wall by the bookcase. Blair moves to follow, but Buffy pushes the bookcase over on top of him. He struggles underneath it, but can't lift it off. Buffy climbs over it and goes to her bag, opens it and reaches in. Blair reaches out from under the bookcase and grabs her ankle. Buffy screams and looks around for a w*apon. She spies the andirons, grabs the tongs and starts to whale on Blair's arm. She has to h*t him several times before he finally lets go. Buffy grabs her bag and runs out of the room. She stops in the hallway and looks around. Somewhere Kralik is watching her, and he taunts her. Kralik: Hide and seeeek... She looks all around her. Kralik: Hide and seek! The hall, the stairs and the adjacent room are empty. There she sees Kralik's crate. The crate door is closed and looks locked. She approaches it, and it suddenly swings opens. Kralik jumps out and grabs her by the throat. Buffy gasps in fright, but doesn't struggle. Kralik: Why did you come to the dark of the woods? He yanks her bag out of her hands and looks into it. Inside is a smaller bow, several stakes and a few knives. Kralik: To bring all these sweets to grandmother's house? He drops the bag and pulls her closer. Buffy surprises him by holding up a cross. He leaps back from her in fear. She holds it out at arm's length, shaking nervously. Kralik stares at her for a while, smiling evilly, then suddenly grabs her arm and pulls it and the cross into his chest. There he rubs it around and laughs as it burns against his skin. Kralik: Oh-oh, no, no. Just a little lower. (nudges it down) Right... (inhales in ecstasy) Oh, yes. Yes. Oh. (gasps) Oooh! Thank you very much. Buffy lets go of the cross and runs in terror. Kralik just smiles and watches her run. She runs into the kitchen and locks the door. Hobson's remains are still there. She notices the body but doesn't have time to really look at it before she is distracted by Kralik pounding on the door. She runs to the counter and r*fles through the drawers looking for anything she can use. She finds nothing, but then looks up when the pounding stops. Her breathing is shallow and panting with fear. She looks around again, but can't find anything of use. Slowly she steps back to the door and quietly opens it. The coast is clear, so she comes into the hall. She constantly looks around as she makes her way toward the stairs. When she's almost there she makes a dash for them and starts to run up. Kralik punches his arm through the railing and trips her, making her fall and cut her forehead against the steps. He grabs her leg and pulls her down a ways. She struggles to get away. She grabs a broken piece of the railing and s*ab at his arm with it. He lets go and decides to run up the stairs after her. Buffy scrambles to her feet, runs to the top and starts down the hall. At a bend in the hall she stops and looks around. The hallway is empty, so she runs to the first door. It's locked, so she goes to the next. It opens, and she runs in, slamming the door behind her. The room is pitch dark. Buffy searches around until she finds a string hanging from the ceiling. She pulls it and the light goes on. She stares in shock at the walls around her. They are covered with Polaroids of her mother. She grabs one off the wall to make sure. Just then she hears Kralik pounding at the door. He punches through and reaches in, searching for the knob to unlock it. She runs to another door, opens it and runs out into the hall. Just as she reaches the end, Kralik steps out in front of her. Kralik: If you stray from the path, you will lose your way. He reaches out and puts his hand on her cheek. She tries to push him away, but he's too strong and bends down toward her neck. Kralik: (reassuringly) I won't take it all. I won't take it all. She strains hard to keep him at bay. Suddenly Kralik has one of his att*cks. He grabs his head and begins to scream. Buffy tries to get past him, but he shoves her into the wall, stunning her. He pulls out his pill bottle and struggles to get it open. Buffy regains her head and grabs the bottle out of his hands. She runs down the hall away from him. Kralik: No! No! No! He has a hard time coming after her with the pain in his head. Buffy reaches the far end of the hall and leaps into the laundry chute. Kralik looks down the chute and hears her sliding, but doesn't follow. Instead he staggers back the other way. Cut to the basement. Buffy comes sliding out of the chute and onto a table. It breaks beneath her, and she falls to the floor in a cloud of dust. Her mother is there, tied to a chair and gagged, and sees her daughter fall. Joyce: Buffy? Buffy gets up and scrambles over to her mother. She tries to untie her, but can't. Joyce: (muffled) Buffy, we have to get out... They hear pounding at the basement door. Buffy stops struggling with the ropes. Kralik smashes the door in and comes running down the stairs demanding his pills. Kralik: Where are they? Where are they?! He runs into the room, and Buffy fakes trying to get past him and up the stairs. He grabs her and shoves her against a wall. He sees the pill bottle in her hands and snatches it from her. He struggles with the lid as he stumbles over to where he sees a glass of water near the wine racks. He gets the lid off, pops a couple of pills and gulps down the water. He gasps for air and takes several deep breaths as he begins to calm down, knowing that the medicine should soon take effect. He smiles evilly over at Buffy and takes some forced steps in her direction. Buffy just watches him come. Kralik: You don't seem to understand your place in all of this. Do you have any idea... Suddenly he realizes something is very wrong and stops in his tracks. Kralik: Oh, my! (looks down at the glass in his hand) What have you... He begins to shake and looks back up at Buffy. Kralik: My pills! She pulls the now-empty bottle of Holy Water from her pocket and holds it up for him to see. He drops the glass and begins to shake violently, grunting and groaning in pain. Kralik: No. No... Smoke begins to puff out of his clothes. Buffy watches coolly. Buffy: If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now. Kralik: No! No! He screams loudly one final time, and then crumbles to ashes from the inside out. Buffy closes her eyes and lets out a sigh of relief. She pockets the bottle and rushes over to her mother. She pulls the gag from her mouth and begins to work on the ropes again. Joyce: (breathing heavily) Buffy, thank God you're okay. Oh, that man... Buffy: (straining) I can't get these. They're too tight. Joyce: Can't you just... She jerks in her chair suggesting that Buffy just tear the ropes. Buffy: Not right now. (looks around) Maybe there's some clippers around. She stands up to look around, when suddenly Blair lunges at her. Giles is right behind him. Joyce: Oh, Buffy! Blair grabs Giles and throws him against a shelf rack. Blair punches him in the face and in the gut. Giles doubles over, but thrusts up with his arm, plunging a stake into Blair's chest. He bursts into ashes. Slowly Giles straightens up. He and Buffy look at each other for a long time. Quentin: Congratulations, you passed. Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting at the table. Quentin stands calmly at the head as he speaks. Giles leans in the doorway to his office. Quentin: You exhibited extraordinary courage and clearheadedness in battle. The Council is very pleased. Buffy: (deadpan) Do I get a gold star? Quentin: I understand that you're upset... Buffy: (with controlled fury) You understand *nothing*. You set that monster loose, and he came after my mother. Quentin: You think the test was unfair? Buffy: I think you better leave town before I get my strength back. Quentin: (evenly) We're not in the business of fair, Miss Summers, we're fighting a w*r. Giles: You're *waging* a w*r. She's fighting it. There is a difference. Quentin: Mr. Giles, if you don't mind... Giles: The test is done. We're finished. Quentin: Not quite. She passed. You didn't. (faces him) The Slayer is not the only one who must perform in this situation. I've recommended to the Council, and they've agreed, that you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately. You're fired. Giles: (taken aback) On what grounds? Quentin: Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment. (Buffy looks at Giles) You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause. (Giles looks down) It would be best if you had no further contact with the Slayer. Buffy breaks her stare, and considers Quentin's words. Giles: (with hostility) I'm not going anywhere. Quentin: No, well, I didn't expect you would adhere to that. However, if you interfere with the new Watcher, or countermand his authority in any way, you will be dealt with. Are we clear? Giles: Oh, we're very clear. Quentin: (bows slightly to Buffy) Congratulations again. She looks up at him with a stare of hatred. Buffy: (vehemently) Bite me. Quentin: (chuckles ruefully) Yes, well, colorful girl. He turns and leaves the library. Giles looks up again and puts on his glasses. He looks over at Buffy. She gazes down into space for a moment, then sniffs and puts her hand to her forehead. She sniffs again, reaching out for the cloth that's lying on the table next to a bowl of water, and picks it up. Giles walks over to her and puts his hand on the cloth. She lets him take it from her hand. He dips it in the water and kneels down in front of her, reaches out and gently pats it over the gash in her forehead. She winces in pain, but doesn't pull away. She looks up at her Watcher sadly for a moment, then lowers her eyes. Giles turns the now-bloody cloth over and continues to lightly dab it on her wound. Cut to the Summers house. Cut to the kitchen. The whole g*ng is over for a visit. Buffy and Xander are making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Willow brings a jug of lemonade over to them at the island. Willow: I can't believe Giles was fired. How could Giles get fired? Oz: So, how did you manage to k*ll Kralik? Joyce: (smiles) Oh, she was very clever. Buffy raises her eyebrows at her. Joyce: Uh, you go ahead and tell it, dear. You tell it better. Buffy sighs. Willow: Now, now when you say 'fired', do you mean 'fired'? Xander: You're not cruising past that concept any time soon, are you? Willow: Well, it's just... I mean, he's been *fired*! He's, he's unemployed! He's... between jobs. Buffy: Giles isn't going anywhere, Will. He's still librarian. Willow: Okay, but I'm writing an angry letter. Buffy: You know, nothing's really gonna change. The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror. Oz: Bright side to everything. Buffy grabs a new jar of peanut butter and tries to open it. Buffy: (sighs) Just feel better when I get my strength back. Xander: Give you a hand with that, little lady? He stands up and holds out his hand to take it from her. She hands it to him. Buffy: You're loving this far too much. Xander: Admit it. (tries to open it) Sometimes you just need a big strong man. (smiles) He struggles with the jar for a while, then tries to cover it with a laugh. Xander: Uh, Will, gimme a hand with that?

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x12 - Helpless"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ A cave. There is a thick mist obscuring the view. A red-eyed, bluish- gray skinned demon angrily searches through the fog for those who have att*cked it and its kindred, two of which already lie d*ad on the cave's floor. Faith is standing in an alcove watching the demon's movements. Buffy is up on a ledge, watching the demon anxiously. Giles is off in a corner waiting for the right moment. Willow slowly steps around the corner of the cave entrance carrying a large lit candle. When she's in view of the main chamber and senses the moment is right, she quietly speaks her spell. Willow: Obscurate nos non diutius. Translation: Do not conceal any longer. She blows out the candle, and a wind quickly sucks the fog out of the cave. The demon is now clearly visible to everyone. Its teeth are sharp, yet there are no fangs. It has very long pointed ears and a series of horns starting just above its eyes and continuing up on its high, thick forehead. It growls as it turns around, trying to get a clear look at what's there. When it's facing her, Buffy jumps from the ledge and tackles the demon to the ground. Giles comes out of his corner and grabs one of its arms. Buffy grabs the other as she scrambles to her feet, and together they drag the demon up and slam it against a wall. It wraps its arm around Giles' shoulder and throws him off. He hits an adjacent wall and falls to the ground. Buffy: (yells) Now! Faith comes out of her alcove holding a sword up in both hands and charges the demon. Before it can react, Faith has plunged the sword through its heart. The demon screams in agony. Giles looks up and watches as Faith pulls the sword back out of the demon's chest. Buffy releases it and allows it to fall. Giles rolls out of the way as it hits face down on the ground. He rolls back a bit and looks at the body lying next to him. Faith lowers her sword. Buffy looks down at the demon, relieved that the fight is over. Giles: I think that was the last. Willow comes in from the entrance, visibly shaken but trying to cover it with a smile. Buffy bends down to help up Giles. Buffy: Willow, you okay? Willow: (breathing hard) Yeah, I'm fine. Th-the shaking is, is a side effect of the fear. Giles: (on his feet) Thank you. (takes off his glasses and rubs his brow) Buffy: Well, if it wasn't for that clouding spell... Willow: (smiles) Yeah, it went good! (glances at the candle) Nothing melted like last time. Faith: These babes were wicked rowdy. What's their deal? Giles: I wish I knew. He crouches down and rolls the demon over to get a good look at it. Faith looks with disgust at another one of them. Giles: Most of my sources have dried up since the, uh, Council has relieved me of my duties. I was aware there was a nest here, but quite frankly, I expected it to be vampires. These, these are new. Buffy: And improved. Giles: (stands up) Yes. I'm sorry. I should've had you better prepared, and I should never have allowed Willow and, uh... (looks around) And, uh... They all realize that Xander is nowhere to be seen. Just then they hear something stirring under a pile of garbage. There they see Xander crawling out from under a collapsed cardboard box and other refuse. Xander: (out of breath) I'm good. We're fine. (gets up) Just a little bit dirty. (gives two thumbs up) Good show, everyone. (staggers out into the cave) Just great. I think we have a h*t. Willow: (concerned) Are you okay? Xander: Tip-top, (exhales) really. If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it. Buffy: (worried) Xander, one of these days, you're gonna get yourself hurt. Faith: Or k*lled. Buffy: Or both. A-and, you know, with the pain and the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. M-maybe you should be... fray-adjacent. Xander: (slightly miffed) Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head? Faith: Yeah. That was real manly how you shrieked and all. Xander: (haughtily) I think you'll find that was more of a bellow. Buffy: Uh, what do we do with the trio here? Should we burn them? Willow: (smiles) I brought marshmallows. Everyone gives her a surprised look. Giles puts his glasses back on. Willow: (with dignity) Occasionally, I'm callous and strange. Giles: I expect we can leave them. I'm more interested in finding out what they are, and whether we can expect more of their kind. Buffy: (starts out of the cave) I hope not. They're *way* too fit. Faith is right behind her. Xander: I say bring 'em on! Willow follows the Slayers out. Giles steps up to Xander and puts his hand on his shoulder. Giles: Uh, Xander, I think in the future perhaps it would be best if you, you, uh, h-hung back to the rear of the battle, you know, for your own sake. He lets go of the boy and takes one more look around before following the others out. Xander is just ahead of him. Xander: (facetiously) But, gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories, I'll *never* be a good reporter. Giles: (not getting it) Hmm? Xander: Jimmy Olsen joke, sir. Pretty much gonna be lost on you, huh? Giles: Sorry. Xander: Hey, it's okay. They continue walking out. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. Cut to a lawn area between two of the buildings. It's lunch hour, and two jocks are throwing a football back and forth. Xander hops around, trying to get their attention. Xander: Hey, Doug, pass me one! Doug just gives him an annoyed look and throws the ball back to the other jock. Xander: Les-man, I'm open! A cheerleader looks over at him to see what the fuss is about. Xander: Les, buddy! Les ignores him and throws the ball back to Doug. Xander: Doug, right here, man. Right here. Doug is about to throw the ball back to Les. Xander: Doug, please! Doug sighs and gives in. He throws the ball high and long. Xander has to run for it. Xander: Alright! It's all me! He gets to the ball in time, but fumbles the catch. The ball bounces awkwardly away from him and over to Jack O'Toole, sitting alone eating his lunch. The ball hits Jack in the hands, knocking his bag of chips to the ground. He looks down at his scattered chips in surprise and snatches up the ball. Xander stops running and steps up to him. Jack stands up, holding the ball in his hands. Xander: Boy, I am *so* sorry. Doug's arm is kinda like spaghetti. (chuckles) We're all so very sad for him. (grins) Is your lunch okay? Jack: (not amused) What are you, ret*rd? Xander: No! No, I had to take that test when I was seven. A little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spatial relations, but certainly not challenged or anything. (points down) Can I get you another soda? Jack: I oughtta cut your face open. Xander: (nervous) Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa... It was an accident. Cool down. Jack: (smiles thinly) You wanna be startin' somethin'? Xander: What? Starting something? (grins) Like that Michael Jackson song, right? (chuckles) That was a lot of fun. 'Too high to get over, yeah, yeah...' Remember that fun song? Jack takes a step toward him. Xander steps away nervously. Jack: I get my buddies together, we're gonna kick your ass till it's a brand-new shape. Xander knows he's not kidding. Jack tosses the ball to him hard. Jack: Now get outta here. Xander wastes no time walking away. Doug: Yo, man, the ball! Xander throws it to him. Cordelia is right there, and he steps over to her. Cordelia: Boy, of all the humiliations you've had I've witnessed, that was the latest. Xander: (points back at Jack) I could've taken him. Cordelia: Oh, please. O'Toole would macrame' your face. He is a psycho. Which is still a lot cooler than being a wuss. Xander: (glances at Jack) Why is it that I've come face-to-face with vampires, demons, the most hideous creatures Hell ever spit out, and I'm still afraid of a little bully like Jack O'Toole? Cordelia: Because, unlike all those creatures that you've come face-to- face with, Jack actually noticed you were there. Xander: Why am I surprised by how comforting you're not? Cordelia: It must be really hard when all your friends have, like, superpowers -- Slayer, werewolf, witches, vampires -- and you're, like, this little nothing. (Xander looks down) You must feel like Jimmy Olsen. Xander: (chuckles) I was just talking to... (suddenly offended) Hey, mind your own business! Cordelia: Ooo, I struck a nerve. The boy that had no cool. Xander: I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a *lot* to offer. Cordelia: (starts to leave) Oh, please. Xander: I do! Cordelia: (stops and turns back) 'Integral part' of the group? Xander, you're the, the *useless* part of the group. You're the Zeppo. (Xander glances at Jack) 'Cool.' Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't. She turns and walks away with a satisfied smile on her face. Xander is left in her dust. Cordelia: There was no part of that that wasn't fun. Cut to the cafeteria. Today it's kraut-dogs or spaghetti. The camera pans past the steam table as the kitchen staff doles out the food. It pans up to show Xander and Oz sitting at a table finishing their lunch. Xander: But... It's just that it's buggin' me, this 'cool' thing. (cut to them) I mean, what is it? How do you get it? Who doesn't have it? And who decides who doesn't have it? What is the essence of cool? Oz: Not sure. (reaches for a chip) Xander: I mean, you yourself, Oz, are considered more or less cool. Why is that? Oz: Am I? (eats a chip) Xander: Is it about the talking? You know, the way you tend to express yourself in short, noncommittal phrases? Oz: (considers) Could be. Xander: (smiles) I know! You're in a band! That's like a business-class ticket to cool with complementary mojo after takeoff! I gotta learn an instrument. Is it hard to play guitar? Oz: (shakes his head) Not the way I play it. Xander: Okay, but on the other hand: eighth grade. I'm taking the flügelhorn and gettin' *zero* trim. So the whole instrument thing could be a mislead. (thinks) But you need a thing, one thing nobody else has. What do I have? Oz: An exciting new obsession. Which I feel makes you very special. Xander: Now with the mocking. Which I can handle because I know I'm right about this. I'm on the track. I just need to find my thing. (gets lost in thought) Oz: It seems like you're over-thinking it. I mean, you got some identity issues. It's not... Cut to the library that evening. Giles walks out of the cage past Buffy. Giles: The end of the world? (heads behind the counter) Buffy: (turns) Can they do that? (goes to the counter) Giles: They seem fairly committed. (gets a book) The Sisterhood of Jhe (brings it over) is an Apocalypse cult. They exist solely to bring about the world's destruction, and we've not seen the last of them. More will follow. Buffy: And they're here in Sunnydale for what? Demon Expo? Giles: (takes off his glasses) Buffy, this is no laughing matter. Buffy: Hence my no laughing. Giles: I'm sorry. (slips his glasses back on) I know I'm no longer your official Watcher, but... The library door opens, and they look up to see Oz come in. Oz: Hey. Buffy: Hey. The clock on the wall behind Giles shows it's 5:20pm. Giles: (checks his watch) Um, y-you're cutting it a bit close. Oz: (steps into the cage) Well, you know me. He pulls the door closed behind him. The privacy towels have already been put up. He begins to undress, starting with his jacket. Buffy: (to Giles) Well, do we know why they're here? Giles: I think so. (looks around) Based on some artifacts I, I found with them, and, um, (sees and reaches for another book) taking into account the current astral cycle... Buffy: (interrupts) Giles, I don't need to see the math. He puts down the book and steps back to the counter. Giles: (seriously) They intend to open the Hellmouth. Buffy: (looks up in surprise) The Hellmouth. The one that opens... Giles: About twenty feet from where you're standing. She looks behind her at the area where it last opened nearly two years before, where the study table stands surrounded by a semi-circle of low book shelves and the stack level behind them. Oz has turned into a werewolf and leaps up against the cage. He growls when he can't break through, looks up and howls. Cut to the front of the school the next morning. Willow and Buffy are arriving. Willow: And if it opens? Buffy: Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died? Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it att*cked me while I was late for a test and naked. Buffy: Well, it'll be the first to come out, and Giles says it won't be the worst by a long sh*t. The world will be overrun with demons if we don't stop it. They start to cross the street toward the steps. Willow: Do we know when this is supposed to happen? Buffy: (shrugs) Giles is trying to narrow it down. I-if you're up for it, we're heading into deep research mode. Willow: I'd be offended if you haven't already counted me in. Buffy: Thanks, Will. There's something about this one that... scares me. (puts her arm around her friend) I need my Willow. Willow: Oh, you don't have to be afraid... They've reached the other side of the street, and both jump when they hear a car pull up behind them with the horn honking. They spin around to see what's going on. There they see Xander behind the wheel of a light blue 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air convertible, pulling it to a stop. The radio is blaring. Xander looks cool in his shades and black jacket. Xander: You girls need a lift? Buffy: What is this? Xander: What do you mean, what is it? (gestures around himself) It's my *thing*. Willow: Your thing? Xander: (emphatically) My *thing*! Buffy: (frowns uncertainly) Is this a penis metaphor? Xander: (sighs heavily) It's my thing that makes me cool. You know, that makes me unique. (sees their blank looks) I'm Car Guy. Guy with the car. Willow: How can you afford it? Xander: Uncle Roary stacked up the DUIs, let me rent this bad boy till he's mobile again. (turns off the radio) Buffy: (tries to smile) Well, i-it's nice. Xander: Could you sound a little less enthused? Buffy: Sorry. Willow: Evil. Xander: Big? Buffy: Biggest. Maybe more than I can handle. Xander: (pulls off his shades) Then we'll handle it together. You know I'm here for you. Just tell me what I can do. Cut to the doughnut shop. Xander stands at the counter and places his order. Xander: I'll take two glazed, two cinnamon, couple cream-filled, and a jelly. No, no, let's round that out to four jellies. The clerk pulls them out and puts them in a box. Cordelia walks in. Cordelia: (mockingly) Ooo, is some evil going on? Must be big for them to entrust you with this daredevil mission. Xander: (counts out his money) Cordelia. Feel free to drop d*ad of a wasting disease in the next twenty seconds. (hands it to the clerk) Cordelia: (pleased) Ooo, again, I strike the nerve. I am the surgeon of mean. Xander: (walks past her with the box) I'm kinda busy right now, okay? Cordelia: (turns around) Right. Buffy needs your help. Can you say 'expendable'? Xander: (faces her) You think you know everything. Cordelia: (steps up to the counter) I think I know you. Xander: That's a laugh. Cordelia: (tauntingly) Oh, what, you got a shiny car, and now you're someone new? Like anybody even cares about... She is interrupted by a sexy blonde approaching Xander. Lysette: Is that your car? Xander: (surprised by the attention) Why, uh... (smiles) Yes! It is! She walks around the car, checking out the equipment, surveying it closely. Lysette: '57 Chevy Bel Air... 283 CID... Solid lifter... Fuel-injected V-8... Xander: (has no idea) Uh... very possibly. Lysette: (abruptly) How does she handle? Cordelia is fascinated by this display. Xander: Like a dream about warm, sticky things. He sh**t Cordelia a look. She just raises her eyebrows at him. Xander: (to the girl) Would you like to go for a little drive? Lysette: You busy? Xander: (holds up the doughnut box) Just gotta drop this stuff off, and then I would describe myself as... (making a face at Cordelia) expendable. Cordelia gives him a little huff. The blonde smiles at Xander and tilts her head, indicating he should open the door for her. He does so, giving Cordelia a glance as Lysette gets in. He closes the door and jumps up onto the back seat and scrambles over to the driver's seat. He has some difficulty sitting down with the huge steering wheel in the way, but manages well enough. Lysette doesn't care, obviously more impressed with the car than with him. Xander starts the car, puts it in drive, gives Cordelia one last look and burns a bit of rubber as he pulls away from the curb. Cut to the Bronze that evening. Xander and Lysette are sitting at a table with their drinks. He looks very bored as he listens to her chattering on. Lysette: ...and then I started seeing Dave Peck. Had a Thunderbird, engine completely tricked out, but the upholstery was kind of sh*t. So then I started seeing his friend Mike. Not the Mike with the Mercedes. The Mike with the Mustang. An '82 V-6. You know the look. Xander sees Angel come into the Bronze. Xander: Angel! Lysette looks toward the entrance. Xander stands up and waves him over with a smile. Xander: Buddy! Friend-buddy. (gestures at the table) You wanna sit and talk? Angel: (comes over) I'm looking for Buffy. Xander: Library, last I saw. Angel: Something's happening. I've seen portents. Xander: (grins) The Apocalypse. They're on top of it. Angel: I don't think they know what they're dealing with. Xander: Let's go there... and tell them that. Angel: No. (waves him off) It's best you stay out of harm's way. He turns and leaves. Xander: (desperate to get away) But I can help! He watches Angel go out the door. Lysette: Hey, you wanna go for another drive? That's pretty much the last thing on Xander's mind. Cut outside. Xander and Blondie come out and walk to the car parked in the alley just a short ways from the door. Xander: Y'know, it's not like I haven't helped before. Y'know, I've done some quality v*olence for those people. (opens the door) Do they even think about that? Lysette gets in and slides over to the passenger's side. Xander gets in and pulls the door closed. Xander: I mean... (starts it, puts it in drive) they act like I'm, like I'm some sorta klutz. He steps on the gas without even looking ahead. The car lurches forward and promptly hits the car parked in front of them. Xander slams on the brakes and puts the car into park. Xander: Oh, God! Are you alright? He gets out of the car and gingerly steps to the front of the car. There is only some slight bumper damage and a broken taillight on the other car. Xander: Oh, God! Stay calm. Little fender bender. It's not... He sees Jack O'Toole get out of the other car, looking angrily back at him. Jack just stands and stares at Xander for a long moment, letting the fear sink in. Xander: (apprehensive) ...the end of the world. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Werewolf Oz growls in his cage as he stares at Willow and Buffy sitting at the table. Willow looks over her shoulder at him. Willow: He's cranky. Buffy: It's a good night for it. Willow: Can't dogs sense when there's an earthquake, a-a-and they bark? Or cows lie down or something? (looks at Oz again) Buffy: (reads) 'Sisterhood of Jhe. Race of female demons, fierce warriors...' Eww. '...celebrate victory in battle by eating their foes.' They couldn't just pour Gatorade on each other? Giles come out of his office carrying a heavy leather bag. Giles: The Council wouldn't even take my calls. (disgusted) Idiots. (to the girls) Anything useful in the books? Buffy: Not wildly. (closes hers) Willow: We still have the Books of Pherion to go through. Giles nods. Buffy: (sets her book down) I'm getting itchy feet, Giles. We don't turn up something soon, I'm gonna h*t the streets. (grabs and opens another) Maybe check out Willy's. Giles: Fine. He goes back into his office for his overcoat. Willow: Where are you going? Giles: Um, to try and contact the Spirit Guides. (takes his overcoat from its hanger) They exist out of time, but have knowledge of the future. (pulls it on) I have no idea if they will respond to my efforts, but I have to try. (comes back from his office) All we know is that the fate of the entire world rests on it. (looks into the doughnut box) Did you eat all the jellies? Buffy looks up from her book. Buffy: (innocently) Did you want a jelly? Giles: (petulantly) I always have a jelly. I'm always the one that says 'let's have a jelly in the mix.' Willow: We're sorry. (tattles quickly) Buffy had three. Buffy sh**t Willow a look. Giles: No matter. (grabs his bag) If Xander makes another run... (starts to go) Buffy: No. (Giles stops) Xander's out of this. He nearly got k*lled last time we fought. This whole thing will be easier if we know he's safe. Cut to the alley outside of the Bronze. Jack approaches Xander menacingly. Xander: (nervously) Oh, gosh, Jack, man, are, are you okay? (points at the bumpers) I am really sorry about that. But your car came out of nowhere. Jack looks down at the damage and back up at Xander. Jack: (incredulous) I was parked. Xander: Exactly. Look, I can cover the damages. I don't have insurance in the strictest sense of the word, but I have a little money. The important thing is that we're alright and we can work this out like two reasonable... Jack pulls out a very long hunting Kn*fe and holds it up. Xander: ...frontiersmen. Jack: (points the Kn*fe at Xander) Where do you want it? Xander: What? Jack: Where do you want it? Xander: I'm fairly certain I don't want it at all, but, uh, thank you. Lysette: (bored and impatient) Wow. Cool Kn*fe. Xander gives her a look. She rolls her eyes and walks back to the car. Xander: Yeah. Great Kn*fe. Although I think, uh, it may technically be a, a sword. Jack: She's called 'Katie'. Xander: You gave it a girl's name. How very serial k*ller of you. (turns to Lysette) Listen, I think we should be going. Jack reaches around Xander with the Kn*fe and hooks it behind his ear, forcing Xander to look at him. Xander quakes with fear. Jack: (jeeringly) Are you scared? He traces the tip of the blade around Xander's neck and cheek. Xander: (shakily) Would that make you happy? Jack: (sneering) Your woman looking on, you can't stand up to me? Don't you feel pathetic? He traces the Kn*fe past Xander's mouth, back to his ear and around and down under his chin. Xander: (nervously) Mostly I feel Katie. Jack: You know what the difference between you and me is? Xander: Again... Katie's springing to mind. Jack: Fear. Who has the least fear. Xander: And it has nothing to do with who has the big, sharp... Suddenly Jack slaps the Kn*fe into Xander's hand and steps back, taunting him to fight. Jack: Come on. Xander has no idea where to begin. The blonde distracts him. Lysette: I wanna go for a drive. I'm bored. He lowers the Kn*fe and his guard. Xander: (sarcastically) Oh, gee, I'm really sorry my life-and-death situation isn't *exciting* enough for you... Jack grabs him and shoves him back onto the hood of the car. He grabs Xander's hand and twists it so the Kn*fe is pointing at his neck and begins to bear down on him. Just then a flashlight shines into Jack's face. Police Officer: Hey! Jack releases Xander and quickly palms the Kn*fe. The officer turns off his flashlight and slowly approaches. Police Officer: What's goin' on? Jack: Nothing. Just rasslin'. Police Officer: (recognizes) O'Toole. (chuckles) What a surprise. (flashes the light in his face) (to Xander) He att*ck you? Xander looks at Jack, who just looks at the officer. Xander: (to the officer) No. Just bl*wing off steam. (grins) Two guys rasslin'. (shakes his head) But not in a gay way. Police Officer: Do it somewhere else, huh? He turns and leaves. Xander drops his head in relief. Behind him Jack has a smile on his lips. Remembering that he's there, Xander looks over at him and is confused by his expression. Xander: What? Jack: That was alright. Could've narc'd on me. Didn't do it. That's decent of you. I like you. (smiles appraisingly) Xander: (still nervous) Yay? Jack: (to Lysette) You two wanna have some fun? Lysette: (smiles dippily) Like, with driving? Jack: Yeah. Xander sees the broad grin on her face and shakes his head, giving in. Xander: What do you have in mind? Jack: Well, I was on my way to get the boys. Gonna cruise around. (checks out Xander's Chevy) We'll take your wheels. Xander: What about your car? Jack: (looks at it and shakes his head) It ain't mine. Xander is aghast and shakes his head. Jack goes to the car door. Xander: Great. Where to? Jack opens the door and slides in to the far side. Jack: Gonna get the boys! Lysette slides in next to Jack, then Xander gets in. Xander: Yeah. (pulls the door closed) So, where're the boys? Cut to a cemetery. The camera pans behind some trees and over to the three of them by a grave. Xander and Lysette watch as Jack speaks a spell and dangles a chicken foot on a string over a grave. Jack: He calls forth the Spirit of Uurthu, the restless. No one shall speak. (raises his arms) He shall arise! Hear me... Xander watches, worried that it might work. Lysette is completely bored. Jack: The blood of the Earth shall restore him... He puts away the chicken foot and kneels by the grave. He drawn his Kn*fe across the palm of his hand, turns his hand over and lets his blood drip onto the grave. Jack: And he shall arise. Xander takes a step back. Something under the ground begins to move. Jack: Shall arise! A pair of arms punch through the grass followed by a head. It's Jack's friend Bob. He has a huge frown on his face as he looks around. Jack stands up and steps back. Lysette's eyes go wide with surprise. Bob pulls himself out the rest of the way and gets up, still frowning and disoriented. Jack looks him up and down, pleased with the result. Bob looks over at Jack and recognizes his friend. Bob: Buddy. Jack: Bob. They look at each other for a moment. Bob has clearly started to decay, but is still easily recognizable. Jack: You big, hideous corpse... Come here! Bob comes at Jack and grabs him in a huge bear hug, lifting him off the ground and laughing. Lysette freaks out and runs away, screaming at the top of her lungs. Xander watches her go. Xander: (resentfully) I'll call ya! Bob keeps laughing as he swings Jack around a bit before putting him back down. Bob: Man! You *raised* me! Jack: (looks him up and down) I *told* you grandpappy could work that mojo. Big Bob is back in action! Bob: (raises his arms) Yes! They each butt hard into the other in celebration. Xander fidgets restlessly, waiting to see what's going to happen next. Bob: Oh, man, I can't believe you raised me! That is so awesome! (starts to calm down, lets go of Jack) You are the coolest. Xander: Maybe I should just let you guys catch up. (starts to go) Jack: Bob, this is Xander. He's our wheel man. Xander turns back around and smiles. Bob: Hey. He steps up to Xander and slaps him hard in the shoulder, making him stagger back a few steps. Xander manages to keep his balance and straightens back up. Xander: Howdy. Bob: (steps back to Jack) Dude, where are the other guys? We gotta go get 'em. Jack: (nods) Absolutely. Bob: (pats him on the arm) Alright. They start walking to get the rest of the boys. Xander stays back. Xander: Are, um... Are all your friends d*ad? Jack: (over his shoulder) Xander, let's roll. Bob: How long I been down? Jack: Eight months. I had to wait till the stars aligned. Bob: Oh, eight months. I got some catching up to do. He stops in his tracks and points at Jack. Bob: Whoa! Walker, Texas Ranger. You been taping 'em? Jack: Every ep. Xander catches up with them. Bob: Alright. We're gonna get the guys together, and we're gonna PARTY, man! (hits Xander hard in the other shoulder) It's gonna be a night to remember! (they start walking again) Yeah! Xander: (trailing them) I'm sensing that. Cut to Dickie's grave. Jack weaves his spell again. Jack: The blood of the Earth shall restore him, and he shall arise. Dickie comes up head first. He is far more decayed than Bob. His face is raw and bloody, but he is also still recognizable. Dickie: Dudes! Cut to the car. The camera is low to the pavement showing the back of the car. The tires squeal as the four boys take off for another cemetery to get the last member of the group. Cut to the Restfield Cemetery. The camera pans low along some gravestones and up to the sign. Cut to Giles standing before a large mausoleum and holding up a lit candle. The Spirit Guides appear in the form of a bright cloud gathering in front of the mausoleum, and Giles speaks to them. Giles: Noli me renuere, umbra ducens. Sapienta manium super me effundatur. Translation: Do not deny me, Spirit Guide. Let the wisdom of those who have passed be showered upon me. Spirit Guides: Illae res occultae sunt tempoti et locis obscuris. Enuntiare illas Chaos super orbem vivum terrarum ferat. Translation: These secrets belong to time and the dark regions. To reveal them would bring Chaos down upon the living Earth. Giles: Belua propulsanda est! Invenire vitium suum noster spes sola est! Translation: The Beast must be fought! Our only hope lies in finding its weakness! A strong wind begins to blow. Spirit Guides: (angrily) Noli petere! Perturba nos non diutius! Translation: (angrily) Seek not! Disturb us no longer! The cloud moves away and up into the sky. The wind stops bl*wing. The cloud splits in two, and both halves disappear up into the firmament. Giles isn't happy with the result of the encounter. He looks to his right when he hears Xander approaching. Xander: Giles, hey... (smiles) What's goin' on? Giles: Oh, uh, (looks at the mausoleum) I was just trying to, uh, gain access to the, um, Spirit Guides. Not going very well, I'm afraid. (looks around) Uh, what are you doing here? (packs his things) Xander: Oh, we were just raising, um... (glances back at the others) some heck. Jack and the others, having raised the last member of their group, are waiting by the car for Xander. Jack: (impatient) Xander! Let's go! Xander: (kneels by Giles) Listen, do you guys need any help? Giles: (concentrating on packing) Hmm? Oh, no. Thank you. Uh, probably best if you, you stay out of trouble. Xander: No chance of that. Jack: (impatient) Xander! Motor! Giles: (stands up) There's something... different about this... menace, something in the air... The stench of death. Xander: Yeah, I think it's Bob. Giles: (absently) We may all be called upon to fight when it happens. (picks up his bags) Xander: When what happens, exactly? Jack: (very impatiently) Come on! Giles: I better go. (smiles weakly) Um, hopefully, we shall have time to prepare. All we need is a few weeks. (turns and leaves) Cut to Willy's bar. The place has been completely trashed. Buffy is kneeling down next to Willy, who is lying on the floor behind the bar with his head and shoulders propped up against the cabinets. He's been very badly beaten, and the blood flows freely from several cuts in his head. Buffy: Tonight? Willy: (nods, laboring to breathe) Before sunrise. That's what they said. (winces in pain) Buffy: (looks at the damage) Why did they do this? Willy: They were looking for Angel. Buffy: Angel? Why? Willy: (breathing shallowly) Said they were coming after you, too, and nothing could stand in their way because (winces in pain) tonight was the night... Severe pain s*ab him in the gut, and he turns from her and coughs. Willy: (painfully) Oh, man... Buffy: (worried) The ambulance is on its way. Willy: (coughs, swallows) Look, kid, my clientele ain't exactly nuns and orphans, but I... I never seen anything like these demons. Buffy: I'm gonna stop them. Willy: (coughs) That Hellmouth opens (swallows) they're gonna be the least of your problems is my train of thought. He winces in pain again and coughs, then swallows again. Willy: (between shallow breaths) If I were you... I'd go find Angel... go somewhere quiet together. I'd be thinking about how I wanna spend my last night on Earth. Cut to Xander and the g*ng. Bob is standing in the back seat with his fists raised into the air. Bob: LET'S GET SOME BEER! YEAH! The other d*ad boys yell in agreement. Parker, the last one of the group to be raised, is in an advanced state of decay, and so is in much worse shape than the others. His face is beyond recognition, having lost much of its flesh, exposing parts of his skull. Xander can't believe he's caught up in all of this. Parker: Dude! Let's go pick up some girls, man. We'll hang out at Taco Bell, get some girls, go cruise around... They all laugh, except for Xander. Dickie: I wanna bake a cake. Bob slides back down into the seat with an arm around each of his buds. Bob: Hey, we need some beers, though. Parker: (to Bob) I can't believe you got sh*t, man. Was it them Jackals? Jack: Are you kidding? We wiped them out after they threw you off the bridge. Parker: (appreciatively) Oh, man. You guys, you guys are the best, man. The best! I mean that. Bob: (explains to Parker) There's a liquor store. Little Armenian guy runs the place? He had a g*n behind the counter. He looks ahead, frowning in disgust. The b*llet hole in his forehead above his left eye is plainly visible. He brightens when he has an idea. Bob: Hey... We should go kick his ASS! Parker: Yeah! Bob: YEAAAAAH! Xander glances back at them nervously. Xander: If you guys want me to drop you off somewhere, that's... Jack: (interrupts, pats Xander's shoulder) Nah. You're with us now. Parker reaches up to him from behind and pats him on neck and cheek with his grossly rotten hands. Parker: Oh yeah, man, you on the team now, baby. Whoo-hoo! The guys in the back all chuckle. Bob: (serious) What're we gonna do? Jack: Well, I've heard some interesting suggestions, but I'm gonna have to go with Dickie's. Let's bake a cake. Dickie: Yeaaaaah! Bob and Parker: Yeaaaaah! Bob laughs as he leans back over the trunk and raises his fists into the air. Cut to a hardware store. Xander pulls the car to a stop in front. Jack: Alright. He gets out. Dickie pushes the front backrest forward and gets out. Bob and Parker just jump over the side of the car. Jack: (to Xander) You stay here and keep the motor running. (joins the others) Xander: Uh, this time of night, I'm pretty sure nothing's open. Bob grabs a newspaper vending machine, yanks it from the sidewalk and heaves it into the hardware store window. It shatters loudly. Xander watches nervously. Xander: But they're always open for *crime*. The d*ad boys all climb into the store. Xander holds on tightly to the steering wheel and fidgets nervously in his seat. Xander: Okay. Now I'm involved in crime. I'm the criminal element. (sarcastically) Having a car sure is cool! He hears Willow's voice, and turns to see her leaving the magic shop about half a block down on the other side of the street. Willow: Thank you. Sorry to wake you. (starts down the street) Shopkeeper: No problem. Xander: Will! She sees him and walks into the street toward him. Xander gets out of the car and goes to meet her. Willow: Xander, what are you doing here? Xander: Nothing. Certainly not crime. (grins guiltily and glances behind him) Wh-what about you? Willow: (worried) I-I needed supplies for a protection spell. Buffy called from Angel's. I-it's happening tonight. Xander: And that thing that's happening would be...? Willow: I-I can't stay. Buffy'll needs this. She goes, leaving Xander standing there still unenlightened. Just as quickly she comes back and gives him a tight hug. She lets go and looks up at him. Willow: I love you, Xander. Again she hurries off, leaving him to ponder his next move. Xander: Okay, that's it. (turns back to the car) I'm gonna... Jack steps in front of him and stops him. Jack: Where you going? Xander: Look, something's just come up. (looks at the store) Jack: You gonna bail on me? Is that it? Xander's response is interrupted by the noise of the others coming out of the hardware store. Dickie holds up two bags full of ingredients for him to see. Dickie: (smiling) We got the cake mix! (puts the bags in the car) Parker: Where you wanna bake it? Jack: (ominously) Xander's looking to leave. Bob: No way. (comes around the car) We need a wheel man. (stands behind Xander) Dickie and Parker walk around the other way. Jack: (menacingly) Xander doesn't feel like he's part of the group. Xander: (placatingly) No. It's just I'm kinda busy! Bob comes around to Xander's left. Parker stands to his right. Bob: He doesn't feel like part of the group because he hasn't been initiated. Jack: Do you think he's ready? Parker: (puts his arm around Xander) Oh, I think he's earned his stripes. I say we let him in, boys. Huh? Dickie: (chuckles) Woo-hoo! Xander: (grins) Great! (nods) I wanna be in the g*ng, sure! Parker: Alright! (nudges him in the gut) Yeah. Jack: (lifts his finger to Xander) That's the spirit. Parker: Yeah. Xander: (smiling, getting into it) What do I gotta do? Jack pulls out Katie and holds the blade to his face. Xander's smile is instantly replaced with fear. Jack: (twists the blade thr*at) You gotta die. Parker pats Xander affectionately on the cheek. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ In the street in front of the hardware store. Xander: (nervously) Alright, guys, what... Let's just talk about this. Parker: Aw, you wanna be part of the g*ng now, don't you? Jack leers at him, constantly turning his Kn*fe. Xander: Yes, yes, but I'm not *dying* to be in the g*ng, if you get the, um... the pun there. Bob: (insulted) What? You're, you're too good to be d*ad? He grabs Xander by the lapels of his jacket and lifts him up. Bob: You got a problem with d*ad people? Xander shakes his head and mouths "no", thinking quickly. Xander: What about Jack? Jack's not d*ad. Jack lowers his Kn*fe, reaches down and raises his shirt for Xander to see. There is a series of b*llet holes across his gut. Bob releases Xander so he can get a better look. Jack drops his shirt back down and brings Katie back up level to Xander's face. Jack: Drive-by three weeks ago. Xander: (exhales) Oh, boy. Jack: Grandpappy found my body. I wasn't gone but ten minutes before he raised me. It's a rush, man. Dickie: (smiling) Let's k*ll Xander. It'll be fun! Parker: Yeah, man, you could be a full-fledged member. Jack: (steps closer and sneers) Come on, Xander. Take it like a man. Xander: (takes a chance) Alright, enough! You guys have had your fun, but you forgot about *one* thing. He looks at Bob and Parker, and then makes a break for it. Jack: Get him! Xander runs across the street and into the outside seating area of the Espresso Pump. They all give chase. Xander waits for them to follow him into the cafe', then makes another break for it, jumping up onto a table and hopping over the low wall surrounding the area. He runs back across the street and jumps into the car. The motor is still running, so he throws it into drive, floors it and burns rubber out of there, leaving the d*ad guys behind. Bob: Damn him! (throws up his hands) There goes the wheels. Parker: (plaintively) He took all our stuff, man. Dickie: I wanna bake a cake. Jack: (seething with anger) It's alright. We'll get more. The night is young. They all head back into the hardware store for more supplies. Cut to Xander driving along the street, very relieved to have escaped. Xander: I'd say that's pretty much enough excitement for one evening. Cut to a park. Faith gets thrown against a fence, pulled off and thrown against it again by a member of the Sisterhood of Jhe. The demon pulls her off again, but Faith shakes loose and does a backhand swing at the demon's head, making it snap hard to the side. Faith then punches it in the gut and tries for a second h*t to the head, but the demon blocks the attempt, grabs Faith's arms and throws her to the ground. Faith rolls and comes back up to a fighting stance. The demon lunges at her, but she kicks it in the knee and then roundhouse kicks it in the head. Without pausing, Faith launches into a half spinning high wheel kick, which the demon blocks with both arms. The demon throws Faith's leg down, grabs onto her jacket and swings her around and back into the fence. Back in the street Xander rounds a corner and sees the fight in the park ahead of him. The demon rushes Faith, who grabs the fence behind her and lifts herself up to do a twin push kick to the demon's gut, shoving her back hard. Xander sees his opening, and just drives right into the demon, knocking it back quite a ways onto its ass. He backs the car out into the street again as Faith watches. The demon gets back to its feet and starts her chase. Xander: (to Faith) Get in! Faith runs to the car and dives into the back seat. Xander g*n it just as the demon catches up, but she can't run fast enough to grab hold of the car, and is left in their dust. Cut to Faith's motel. Xander pulls the car to a screeching halt in a parking spot. They both run out and up the stairs to her room, watching for any pursuers. Faith opens the door and runs in. Xander is right behind her and swings the door shut. Xander: You think Demon Mama followed us? He checks out the window, but doesn't see anything. He rushes over to the other window and checks there, too, but again sees nothing. Faith: No, we're cool. (takes off her jacket) The bitch dislocated my shoulder, though. She tosses her jacket aside, careful not to move her arm too much. Xander comes back over to her. Faith: Hold me. He looks at her a bit confused, but gets closer and reaches out to her. Faith takes his right hand and puts it on her left upper arm. He finally realizes that he's supposed to hold it steady. She reaches up with her right hand and grabs hold of his jacket for leverage. She pulls her left shoulder back and jerks it forward. Her shoulder audibly snaps back into place. Faith heaves a sigh and rotates her shoulder around in different positions. Faith: That's better. (sniffs) She got me really wound up. She looks at Xander and runs her hand over his chest. She inhales and exhales deeply. Faith: A fight like that and... no k*ll... I'm about ready to pop. She smiles at him, still rubbing her hand over his chest. Xander: (nervously) Really? (looks down at her rubbing hands) Pop?! Faith: (smiles sexily) You up for it? She runs her other hand down the back of his neck. Xander: (nods) Oh, I'm up. She smiles at him and gets closer. She stops rubbing his chest and lowers her hand to his crotch. Xander: I'm suddenly *very* up. It's just, um... (grins sheepishly) I've never been up with people before. Faith grabs his jaw and kisses him full on the lips with plenty of tongue. Faith: Just relax... And take your pants off. She starts to push his shirt and jacket off of his shoulders. Xander: Those two concepts are antithetical. She yanks his shirt and jacket down his back and off his arms, and throws them down. They lock in a passionate embrace and kiss each other hard. Faith turns him around and shoves him back onto the bed. She jumps up after him and straddles him. Faith: Don't worry. (pulls off her own shirt) I'll steer you around the curves. She grins broadly down at him. Xander looks back up at her with more than a little apprehension on his face. Xander: Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night? Cut to a sh*t of their reflection in the TV. Faith is on top of Xander under the sheet, moving slowly and purposefully. Cut to them cuddling afterward. Xander runs his fingertips across her upper arm. They gaze into each other's eyes for a while. Faith smiles at him. Cut outside her motel room door. She opens it and nudges Xander out. He has only his underwear on and holds the rest of his clothes in his arms. Faith is wrapped up in the bed sheet. Faith: That was great. I gotta shower. She closes the door on him. He just stands there, unsure of what just happened. He looks at the door again, and soon realizes he's just been used. Mouth agape, he makes his way back to his car. Cut to the library. Werewolf Oz is jumping around in the cage, very agitated. Willow watches him, very worried. Willow: I've never seen him like this. Giles comes up behind her with the dart g*n and hands it to her. Giles: It's the Hellmouth. He can sense it's going to open. Be ready just in case. Willow checks the r*fle as Giles goes to the cage to open it. He looks back at her before he does. Giles: Now don't hesitate. Willow raises the w*apon to her shoulder and takes aim, anxious about having to hurt Oz. Willow: Do it. Giles unlocks the door. Giles: Now Oz... Oz leaps up against the door and throws it open, knocking Giles to the floor. He takes a leap toward Willow, but she's ready and pulls the trigger. The dart flies from the barrel and hits him in the side, and he yelps and falls to the floor. It's not enough to keep him down in his agitated state, though, and he gets back up on all fours. Behind him Giles scrambles to his feet. Giles: AGAIN! Willow retreats as she inserts another dart into the g*n. Oz is weakened, but he lunges toward her. Giles runs to get him from behind. Oz jumps up onto the table just as Giles catches up and grabs him around the chest. Oz raises himself up on his hind legs, growling fiercely as Giles gets an arm around each of his, exposing his chest. Willow takes the sh*t, and the werewolf yelps again. This time the Phenobarbital does its job, and Oz collapses onto the table, dragging Giles down on top of him. The wolf pants shallowly as Willow steps up to him and soothingly pets the thick fur on his head. Giles: We've got to move him before he wakes up. Willow: (remorsefully to Oz) Sorry. I hope you're not mad at me in the morning. Cut to Faith's motel. Xander pulls on his jacket and gets into his car. He checks himself in the rearview mirror and thinks about what just happened. He sighs and looks into the back seat. There he sees the two bags of stolen ingredients and grabs one to see what's inside. In it he finds a can of kerosene, a short length of galvanized pipe with caps, wire, primer cord and an electronic timer switch. He takes a second look at the can of kerosene and realizes that the "cake" really isn't. Xander: Hey! They're not baking any cake. He quickly sets the can aside and starts the car. Cut to the hardware store. He comes to a stop in front of it. The place is a mess, but Jack and his g*ng are nowhere to be seen. Xander: Long gone. Probably loaded with supplies. Gotta think. He looks into the store and tries to concentrate. Xander: I can't believe I had sex. (catches himself) Okay, b*mb. Already-d*ad guys with b*mb. (realizes) Oh, man, I'm outta my league! Buffy'll know what to do. He takes off for Angel's mansion. Cut to the mansion. Buffy and Angel are inside arguing. Buffy: (pleading) I don't know what to do. Angel: Then let me decide for you. I can face this thing. Buffy: (protests) You can't. Angel: Look, I, I can at least buy you enough time for Willow's spell to bind it. She stares speechlessly at him. Angel: Buffy, this is worse than anything we've ever faced. It's the only way. Buffy: (voice cracking) I can't watch you die again. He lifts his hand to her cheek and rubs it gently, looking deeply into her eyes. Angel: I love you. Buffy: (takes his hand) I love you. Angel: Nothing can change that. Not even death. She jerks his hand away and steps back, angry about his defeatist attitude. Buffy: Don't talk to me like that! *You* may be ready to go, but *I* am not ready to lose you. Okay, this is my fight, and if you won't do it my way, then you're... She is interrupted by Xander clearing his throat. She turns to face him. Xander: (grins) Hey. I've got this, um... There's this, uh... (grins sheepishly) Buffy and Angel look at him expectantly. Xander sees the sadness in their faces and the tear streaks on Buffy's cheeks. Xander: (awkwardly) It's probably a bad time. He turns to go, but looks back at them again. Xander: Can I help? They both shake their heads at him. Xander: Okay. He walks out the door. Buffy turns back to Angel, and they look at each other sadly. Cut to the atrium at the mansion. Xander walks to the stairs and starts up and out. Xander: Okay, I can work this out. I just got to figure out what they'd be likely to b*mb. Cut to Sunnydale High School at night. Cut to the library. Giles has cleared away the table and chairs and painted a black circular figure on the floor. Eight rays extend from the edge. Inside are four small semicircles which mark the four corners. At the center three short lines intersect. A lit candle stands on each line and a fourth at their intersection. All around the circle and the room are more candles. Giles is busy lighting them as he recites a spell from a book. Giles: Terra, vente, ignis et pluvia. Cuncta quattuor numina, vos obsecro. Defendete nos a recente malo resoluto. Translation: Earth, wind, f*re and rain. Linger four gods, we implore you. Defend us, immediately after I will release you. Willow returns to the library with the tranquilizing g*n and sets it down on the counter as she passes by. Willow: Okay. Oz is moved. He could barely walk after that mickey I gave him, but we made it. Is he gonna be alright there? Giles: Anywhere is safer than here. Um, help me with the candles. He tosses her the lighter, which she catches. Willow: We're doing the binding spell from the Hebron's Almanac? Giles: Yes, but once it's ready, (lights a match) you're to stay back and let me finish the recitation. (Willow starts to protest) Don't argue. I want you safe. Who knows what's going to come up from beneath us. Willow crouches down and starts lighting more of the candles. Cut to the boiler room. Dickie puts the finishing touches on the b*mb. They have it assembled on top of an oil barrel. Dickie plugs in the timer, and switches it on. Parker: Whoo! He taps the keys and sets it for sixty minutes. Dickie plugs in the last wire, and the countdown starts. They all chuckle under their breaths. Jack walks up to the b*mb and checks it out. Jack: This is gonna be large! (smiles at Parker) Parker: Oh, yeah! Dickie checks the wiring once more as they all laugh. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The streets. Xander drives to the school. Xander: (frantically) Giles will know what to do. He's *way* more calm than Buffy. He turns a corner and sees the d*ad boys walking and laughing. Xander: Okay, I got a plan. Jack and Bob hear him approaching and turn around. Bob: Hey, our wheels. The group splits up, and Xander drives up between them, slowing down as if to stop. Parker is right up by the car, so Xander reaches out and grabs him. Parker: Hey! Xander hits the gas and takes off, dragging Parker alongside. Cut around the next corner. Xander drives around it and weaves the car side to side. The other boys chase him. Cut to Xander holding onto Parker. Parker: (scared) Stop! C'mon, man! Stop! Xander: Where's the b*mb?! Parker: It's in, it's in the high school! Xander: In the school where?! Parker: Oh, God, this really, really hurts! Cut to the street. Xander screeches around the next corner. Parker: Stop! Cut to Parker. Parker: It's in the, it's in the boiler room. Xander: Alright. Now I'm gonna ask you this once, and you better pray you get the answer right. Parker: (still scared) Okay, okay. Xander: How do I defuse... He never finishes his question, because he drives too close to a curbside mailbox, and the impact knocks Parker's head off. Xander screams in horror at the sight and releases his hold on Parker's now- headless body. He looks back at the others and g*n the car. Xander: (chagrined) I probably should've left out that whole middle part. Bob and Dickie keep up the chase. Jack stops to check on Parker. Dickie: He's headed for the school! Cut to a hall in the school. Xander barges through a door and runs past the basement access door. He comes back to it and notices the sign stating "Door to remain locked at all times". Jack, Bob and Dickie crash through the hall door and start to chase him. Jack: There he is! Xander starts to run down the hall again. Xander: Where's a Slayer when you need one? Cut to the library. The Hellmouth has opened, and the same huge, green, multi-headed, tentacled demon that erupted from it less than two years before looms over the heads of Buffy, Faith, Angel, Giles and Willow, only now it's much larger. Bolts of energy flash about like lightning. Giles: Oh, my God. It's grown. The camera passes through the group to the doors, where Xander runs by followed a moment later by Jack and then Bob and Dickie in rapid succession. Dickie is distracted by the noise and lights coming from the library and backtracks to have a look. He peers in through one of the round door windows and sees the Hellmouth demon waving its three heads around. Dickie: Wow. Jack: C'mon, man! Dickie joins the chase again. Cut to another hall. The d*ad boys have lost Xander. They open a set of doors and stop at the hall intersection. Bob: Which way? Jack: He couldn't have gotten far. Let's split up. Bob goes right, Dickie goes left and Jack heads straight ahead. Cut to the stairs by the student lounge. Bob comes bounding down and stops at the base. He looks around and notices a f*re ax on the wall. He smashes the glass and pulls it out. Bob: Good for chopping. He heads into the student lounge. A moment later Xander runs into the student lounge and runs up to the couches. From off to the side Bob swings the ax at him. Xander reacts fast and stops short of being sliced, but loses his balance and falls backward onto a table. He rolls off of it and onto the floor. Quickly he scrambles to his feet, but immediately gets knocked onto another table by a punch from Bob. Bob: Now this is what I call fun. He wields the ax back and swings it down at the table. Xander rolls away just as the head of the ax embeds itself into the table, and he comes up standing next to Bob. He backhand punches Bob in the face, stunning him, grabs him and swings him around head first into another table. Bob falls to the floor and lies there on his back, dazed by the impact. Xander pulls the ax from the other table, looks down at Bob and goes over to a vending machine. He slips the blade of the ax behind the machine and uses the handle as a lever to pry it away from the wall. It tilts over and falls right onto Bob's head, crushing it. Back out in the hall Dickie comes through a door and runs into the student lounge. He sees Bob's body lying there and stops, looking at it aghast. Xander steps out into the open holding up the ax. Xander: Should've learned by now. If you're gonna play with f*re, you gotta expect sooner or later... Dickie takes off running before Xander can finish delivering his Clint Eastwood line. Xander: (insulted) I wasn't finished! Dickie disappears back out the same door he came in. Xander: Note to self: less talk. He starts to run after Dickie. Cut to the hall outside the library doors. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Buffy comes flying out backward, landing almost at the far end of the hall by the door leading outside. The three heads of the Hellmouth demon come slithering through the doors after her. Buffy gets up and runs back at it. Buffy: Faith! Go for the heart! Cut to another part of the hall. Dickie runs around a corner and disappears down an adjacent hall. Xander is right behind him with the ax. A moment later Xander comes running back with Dickie right behind him. Right on their heels are three members of the Sisterhood of Jhe. Xander runs into a room and off to the side. Dickie follows him but runs through it to the nurse's office. He whips the door open, runs in and finds himself trapped. The demons run in after him and start ripping him apart. Xander takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. Xander: Okay, boiler room. He turns back toward the door, but is stopped by one of the heads of the Hellmouth demon when it breaks through the wall next to him. Xander: Other way. The head roars after him as he runs away. Cut to the basement. Xander kicks open the door, enters cautiously and makes his way down the stairs. At the bottom he opens the door to the boiler room and looks in. There in the middle of the room he sees the b*mb. The timer is ticking away. Xander: Hello, nasty. He steps into the room and closes the door behind him. He gingerly goes over to the b*mb and checks the timer as he sets down the ax. Xander: (breathing hard) Less than two minutes. Dumb guy. Little b*mb. How hard can it be? Suddenly Jack grabs him from behind and throws him into a work bench. He hits it hard and falls to the floor. Xander gets back up only to find himself face-to-face with Jack. Jack: And it just got harder. Xander: I'm not leaving till that thing's disarmed. Jack: Then I guess you're not leaving. He swings a right at Xander, which he blocks. Jack swings a high left, which Xander ducks. Jack swings a right again, and this time hits Xander in the jaw, making him stagger back into a wall. Jack pulls Katie out and tries to s*ab Xander, but he catches Jack's arm and manages to hold him back. Jack doesn't let up, though, and keeps pressing into him. Xander glances over at the b*mb, which is ticking away. Jack: (angrily) I'm gonna carve you up and serve you with gravy. You piss me off, boy. Now you pay the price. First the eyes, then the tongue. I'm gonna break every one of your fingers. Xander: You gonna do all that in forty-nine seconds? Jack looks over at the b*mb, and Xander seizes the opportunity to push him back, grab him by the jacket and shove his head into the wall. He pulls him back from the wall and punches him in the face. Jack comes back up unfazed, grabs Xander by the pants and flips him over onto a crate. He quickly gets back up, and the two boys start to come at each other again, but then stop when they realize they don't have time for this. Jack glances over at the exit sign above a door. Xander: I know what you're thinkin'. Can I get by him? Get up the stairs, out of the building, seconds ticking away... I don't love your chances. Jack: Then you'll die, too. Xander: (raises his eyebrows) Yeah, looks like. So I guess the question really is... who has less fear? Jack: (tries to psyche Xander out) I'm not afraid to die. I'm already d*ad. Xander: Yeah, but this is different. Being blowed up isn't walking around and drinking with your buddies d*ad. It's little bits being swept up by a janitor d*ad, and I don't think you're ready for that. He's proven right when Jack makes a move for the door. Xander matches his move, and Jack realizes there's no way he can get out. They face each other from opposite sides of the b*mb. Xander is oddly calm whereas Jack is clearly afraid. Jack: Are you? Xander: (glances at the b*mb, smiles thinly) I like the quiet. Cut to the library. Angel and Faith fight one of the Sisterhood. She swings at Angel, but he ducks the punch. He swings at her, and hits her d*ad in the face. Giles swings at the Hellmouth demon with an ax, still trying to force it back the rest of the way as he recites the rest of the binding spell. Giles: Omnia... vasa... veritatis! Translation: All things... the vessel... of truth! Giles: Now, Buffy! From above him, at the stack level, she starts to swing at the creature with a battleaxe. Cut to the boiler room. The two boys are still facing off with the b*mb between them. The timer counts down the last few seconds. 00:12, 00:11, 00:10, 00:09... The boys stare each other down, both taking deep breaths. 00:08, 00:07, 00:06... Xander stands his ground. Jack is starting to have second thoughts. 00:05, 00:04... Xander gives Jack a little frown, saying in essence, "Too late now." 00:03, 00:02... Jack caves and quickly reaches in and pulls a wire. The timer goes blank. He drops the wires and pulls his hands away. It takes Xander a moment to realize that it's over. Xander: Good boy. He steps over to Jack and looks him straight in the eyes. Xander: I don't think I wanna be seeing you on campus anymore, Jack. He goes over to the door he entered from, gives Jack one last look, opens it and leaves, closing it behind him. Jack walks toward the other door. Jack: I'm not going anywhere, Harris. The first time you turn your back... He pulls the door open, and werewolf Oz jumps out at him. Jack screams as he hits the floor and gets mauled. Cut to the school the next day. Students come and go as though nothing has happened. Dissolve to the quad. Students go about their business. Willow: Even after the Hellmouth was closed, you could still hear it screaming. Dissolve to her, Buffy, Giles and Oz sitting at a lunch table. They all sit quietly. Dissolve to a close-up of Giles and Oz. Oz: But Angel's gonna be okay? The camera pans over to Buffy and Willow. Buffy's right arm is in a sling. Buffy: He was only out for a few minutes. Longest of my life. Willow: (shakes her head) I will never forget that thing's face. Its *real* face, I mean. Giles: Yes. Buffy: (to Giles) I don't know how you managed. (he looks up at her) It was the bravest thing I've ever seen. Giles: (grins) Stupidest. He turns his face revealing several nasty scratches across his left cheek, ear and neck. Giles: But the world continues to turn. Willow: No one will ever know how close it came to stopping. Never know what we did. Xander: (finds them) Guys... Willow: Xander. Boy, you're lucky you weren't at school last night. It was crazed. Xander: (shrugs) Well, uh, gimme the quiet life. (grins) I'm gonna grab a snack. Anyone want? Giles: (quietly) No, thank you. Xander: Oz? Oz: No. I'm oddly full today. Xander: Okay. He goes to get his snack, but runs into Cordelia, who is eager to begin the game again. Cordelia: Ooo, look, it's Mr. Excitement. On another life-or-death doughnut mission, or are we just cruising for bimbos again, giving them lessons in lack of cool? He just smiles at her. If only she knew. Of course, she doesn't have a clue. Cordelia: What? He smiles more broadly and just walks past her. Cordelia: (unnerved) What? Xander just keeps walking away, never looking back. Cordelia: (insistently) What?!

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x13 - The Zeppo"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunnydale cemetery. Faith and Buffy both fall backwards onto the mound of a fresh grave, fighting a pair of leather-uniformed vampires. But this doesn't stop Faith from wanting to continue her conversation with Buffy. Faith: (to Buffy, struggling) So, what, you're telling me never?! Buffy: (also struggling) Faith! Really, now is not the time! Faith: I'm curious! Never ever?! The two Slayers both kick up with their legs and send the vampires rolling over and off of them, and then do back rolls up to a standing position. Faith: (to Buffy) Come on, really. All this time, and not even once? She blocks a high punch from her assailant, grabs onto his shoulder and flips him forward. He lands hard on his back. Buffy: How many times do I have to say it? She ducks a swing. Buffy: I have never... She does a backhand punch at her attacker. Buffy: ...done it... The vampire staggers backward into a lamppost from the force of her punch. Buffy does a full spin toward him. Buffy: ...with Xander! She jams her stake home, and the demon bursts into ashes. Buffy looks over at Faith, still fighting. Buffy: He's just a friend. Faith leaps at her assailant, does a log roll in midair and comes down hard on him with her knee digging into his back, shoving him into the ground. She raises her stake and plunges it into his back, dusting him instantly. She gets up and steps over to meet up with Buffy. Faith: So? What are friends for? I mean, I'm sorry, (smiles sexily) it's just, all this sweating-nightly, side-by-side action, and you never put in for a little after-hours (thrusts her pelvis forward and grunts)? Buffy: (raises her eyebrows) Thanks for the poetry. And, no. I love Xander. I just don't... *love* Xander. (looks at the ground) Besides, I think it ruins friendship to do that stuff. She takes a closer look at the boot prints on the muddy ground. Faith: You think too much. (starts to leave) Buffy: (grabs Faith's arm, looking down) Hey. There's one more. Faith: How do you know? Buffy: I think too much. The two of them start to walk, following the extra set of prints, which lead behind a gravestone. Buffy: (quietly) Okay. Count of three. One... Faith jumps ahead and shoulder-rolls over the gravestone. The vampire isn't there, but he comes running at her. He is also dressed in the leather uniform. Buffy disapprovingly watches the fight start. Buffy: Three. Faith tries to do a roundhouse kick at the vampire, but he catches her leg right before it connects with his head. He grabs her shoulder, spins halfway around and throws her against a tall gravestone. She hits the ground hard and immediately starts to get back up. Buffy runs around them to catch the demon from behind as he looks down at Faith and pulls out two swords, one with a long blade, the other short. He hears Buffy coming, though, and spins his head around to see her. She stops in her tracks, holding her stake up in her hand. The vampire swings his long sword in a wide arc and slices off the tip of the stake. Buffy jumps in surprise, but quickly drops what's left of the stake as the vampire swings his sword down on her. She high blocks the att*ck with her left arm, grabs his left arm with her right hand, grabs his right arm with her left hand and brings both of his arms down hard, forcing him to drop the swords. She high punches him in the head and tries to follow up with a double roundhouse kick with alternating legs. The vampire Kn*fe-hand blocks both kicks. He gains the upper hand, grabbing Buffy by the shoulders and tries to get in closer for a bite. She struggles to keep him at bay. Finally Faith runs up behind him and thrusts her stake into his back. He screams and throws up his hands, then crumbles to ashes between the two girls, leaving Faith smiling at Buffy, and Buffy leaning against a gravestone catching her breath. Faith takes a step toward her, raising her hand for a high five. Faith: Nicely diverted, B! She stops mid-step when Buffy doesn't return the gesture. Buffy: (panting) Diverted? That was me fighting for my life, Miss Attention Span. Faith: (sighs and turns to go) This isn't a Tupperware Party. It's a little hard to plan. Buffy: (follows) The count of three isn't a plan. It's Sesame Street. Faith: (stops and faces Buffy) Hey, they're toast and we're here, so it couldn't have been too bad, right? (checks her arm) Who were those guys, anyways? Buffy: I don't know. (sniffs) They didn't seem local. (looks where the swords were) Look, why don't we grab the w*apon. Maybe Giles... The swords aren't there anymore. Buffy gives Faith a confused look. Cut to the Mayor's office. Mr. Trick drops the two swords on his desk. Trick: Check these out. The Mayor is busy reading the funnies, and ignores him while he finishes reading his favorite strip. Mayor Wilkins: (chuckles and shakes his head) I, I just love the Family Circus! That P.J., he's getting to be quite a handful. He drops the paper on his desk. Allan gives him an acknowledging nod and weak smile. The Mayor now looks at the swords lying on his desk. Mayor Wilkins: Well... I haven't seen anything like this in, uh... (looks up at Allan) Well, a good long while. (to Trick) Where's the owner of these fine implements? Trick: The common term is 'slain'. But I've been seeing this breed around. Are we expecting any trouble? Mayor Wilkins: (smiles up at Trick) Do you like Family Circus? Trick: (seriously) I like Marmaduke. Mayor Wilkins: (disgusted) Oh! (shivers) Eww! He's always on the furniture. Unsanitary. Trick: Nobody can tell Marmaduke what to do. (grins) That's my kinda dog. Allan: (smiling eagerly) I like to read Cathy. Mr. Trick and the Mayor both give him a look. Allan swallows nervously. Allan: So, uh, what ab-bout these swords? W-what should we do about that? Mayor Wilkins: (inspects them) Well, let's just keep an eye out. We've got the dedication coming up in a few days. We certainly can't have anything interfering with that. Allan: (fidgeting) Well, maybe we should postpone the... the-the dedication. The Mayor gives him an incredulous look. Trick looks at him intensely. Trick: I believe the Honorable Mayor *hates* that idea. Mayor Wilkins: (stands up) The dedication... (walks toward the liquor cabinet) is the final step before my Ascension. (Allan jumps out of his way) I have waited longer than you can imagine for this. (opens the cabinet, opens a box of moist towelettes) After the Hundred Days, (pulls out a towelette) I'll be on a higher plane. (steps back to Allan, wiping his hands) And I'll have no more need for... (folds up the used towelette) Well, let's just say I won't be concerned... with the little things. (holds it up to Allan, who takes it, and goes back to his desk.) Mr. Trick, watch these people. Anything you find out about them, well, let's just see that that information reaches the Slayers. (takes the short sword from Trick, looks it over) Who knows? With any luck, they'll k*ll each other. Then everyone's a winner. (looks at Allan) Everyone, of course, meaning me. (chuckles) Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. Xander: Willow, what are these? Willow: They're early admission packets. Cut to the student lounge. Xander and Oz are sitting on one of the couches across from Willow and Buffy on the other. The table between them is piled up with college acceptance letters and application forms. Xander goes through a stack of them, reading off the university names. Xander: Harvard... Yale... Wesleyan... Some German Polytechnical Institute whose name I, uh... (tries to read it) I can't pronounce. (drops the packets, leans back) Is anyone else intimidated? (looks at Oz) 'Cause I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words 'No Way' written in crayon. Oz: They're typing those now. Xander: (nods) Hmm. Willow and Buffy are paging through some of the brochures. Willow: (smiling) I'm so overwhelmed! I-I got in! To actual colleges! And, a-and they're wooing me! They're pitching woo! Buffy: (smiles) The wooing stage is always fun. Willow: (sighs) But it's weird. Now, rejection I can handle 'cause of the years of training, but this... Xander: I feel your pain, Will. Like right now, I'm torn between the fast-growing fields of appliance repair and motel management. Of course, I'm still waiting to hear back from the, uh, Corndog Emporium, so... He crosses his fingers and then holds his hands together in a sarcastic gesture of prayer. Buffy gives him a giggle. Buffy: Well, I think it's great. Early admission. (to Willow) Now there's nothing standing between you and a brilliant future. Oz: Well, if I may suggest, graduate. Gettin' left back: not the thrill ride you'd expect. Cordelia approaches from behind the boys. Cordelia: That's so cute! Planning life as a loser? (Xander glances up at her) Most people just turn out that way, but you're really taking charge. Xander: The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone. (looks up at her) Who, uh, incidentally, won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker wear. He checks out her outfit, which is typically revealing. Cordelia: Well, Xander, I could dress more like you, but, (in mock sympathy) oh, my father has a job. She immediately leaves. Xander watches her go, once again having nothing to say. Xander: I'm not gonna waste the perfect comeback on you now. (points at her) But don't think I don't have it. (miffed) Oh, yes! Its time will come! He turns back to the group and pretends Cordelia doesn't exist. Xander: So, life beyond high school. (fishes for sympathy) Anyone, please... chime in. Buffy: I hear it's nice. And a place I'll never go if I don't pass Mrs. Taggart's chemistry test tomorrow. (looks at Willow) Willow: Oh! I can help. Chemistry's easy. It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt. So whadaya say? Study jam, my house, tonight? Buffy: I'm there. The bell rings, and they all get ready to go to class. Buffy: Oh. I have to go see Giles, report on last night's patrol. Willow: Oh, yeah. He said he wanted to talk to you. Buffy: What about? Is he okay? Willow: (slightly concerned) He's looked better. Cut to the library. Giles is sitting on the study table facing the doors with his arms crossed and looking very bored while a somewhat foppish, well tailored young man goes through some books in a box on the table. Wesley: Of course, training procedures have been updated quite a bit since your day. Much greater emphasis on field work. Giles: (very bored) Really? Wesley: Oh, yes. (walks around to another box) Not all books and theory nowadays. (reaches in for some books) I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course. Giles: (uncrosses his arms) Well, no danger of finding those here. Wesley: (looks up) Vampires? Giles: Controlled circumstances. (sees Buffy enter) Hello, Buffy. Wesley overhears, looks at her and smiles condescendingly. Wesley: Well... (steps to the head of the table) Hello. (smiles smugly) Buffy gives him a quick look up and down. Buffy: (to Giles) New Watcher? Giles: New Watcher. Wesley takes a step toward her and holds out his hand in greeting. Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Buffy makes no move to return the gesture, but continues to eye him critically. A moment later he steps back again. Wesley: It's very nice to meet you. Buffy steps over to Giles, never removing her eyes from Wesley. Buffy: Is he evil? Wesley: (perplexed) Evil? Buffy: The last one was evil. Wesley: (thoughtfully) Oh, yes. Gwendolyn Post. We all heard. No. Mr. Giles has checked my credentials rather thoroughly and phoned the Council, but I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well. (takes a secretive step toward her) A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer. (steps back) Buffy: (to Giles) Is he evil? Giles: Not in the strictest sense. Wesley: Well, I'm glad that's cleared up. (walks around the table) As I'm sure none of us is anxious to waste any time on pleasantries, (picks up his Watcher diary) why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol. (flips to a blank page) Buffy: Vampires. Wesley: (inquiringly) Yes? Buffy: k*lled 'em. Wesley: (fishing for details) Anything else you can tell me? Buffy glances at Giles. He nods that she should cooperate. Buffy: Uh... (thinks) One of them had swords. I don't think he was with the other two. Wesley: (something clicks) Swords? He sets down his diary, goes back to his box of books and begins to r*fle through them. Wesley: Swords... He finds the book he wants and begins to leaf through it. Wesley: One long, one short? Buffy: Mmm. Both pointy. (to Giles) With, like, jewels and things. Giles: Sounds familiar. Wesley: (comes back with the book) It should. He holds it out in front of Giles, who takes it and reads. Giles: El Eliminati. Fifteenth Century... Wesley: (interrupts) Fifteenth Century duelist cult, deadly in their day. Their numbers dwindled in later centuries due to an increase in anti-vampire activity and a lot of pointless dueling. Buffy and Giles both look up at him, surprised by his rudeness. Wesley: They eventually became the acolytes of a demon called Balthazar, who brought them to the New World, specifically here. Giles: (closes the book, hands it back) You seem to know a lot about them. Wesley: I didn't get this job because of my looks. (goes back to his box) Buffy: I really, really believe that. (nods) Wesley: (looks at her snidely) I've researched this town's history extensively. Giles: So why have we not seen them before this? Wesley: (comes back) They were driven out a hundred years ago. Happily, Balthazar was k*lled. I don't know by whom. Buffy: And they're back 'cause...? Wesley: Balthazar had an amulet purported to give him strength. When he was k*lled, it was taken by a wealthy landowner named... (sees their looks) I don't want to bore you with the details. Buffy: A little bit late. Wesley: ...named Gleaves. It was buried with him, and I believe the few remaining Eliminati are probably looking for it. For sentimental value. Giles: A-and you don't think that this, uh, amulet poses any thr*at? Wesley: (steps back to his box) Oh, no, not at all. Nonetheless, we may as well keep it from them. Buffy, you will go to the Gleaves family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet. (reaches in) Buffy: I will? Wesley: (pauses) Are you not used to being given orders? Buffy: Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'please'. And afterwards I get a cookie. She grins at Giles, who smiles back modestly. Wesley: (comes back) I don't feel we're getting off on quite the right foot. Just then they hear footsteps, and look up to see Faith walk in. Wesley: Ah. This is perhaps Faith. Faith stops and critically looks Wesley up and down. Faith: New Watcher? Buffy and Giles: New Watcher. Faith: (snickers) Screw that. She turns right around and walks out. Wesley feels put off. Buffy: (to Giles) Now, why didn't *I* just say that? Giles: (gently) Uh, Buffy, would you... Buffy: I'll see if I can get her back. (slips off of the table and walks out) Don't say anything terribly interesting while I'm gone. Wesley watches her go. He and Giles both reach into their pockets for handkerchiefs, take off their glasses and begin to clean them. Wesley: They'll get used to me. Giles notices their tandem actions, immediately stops cleaning and puts his glasses back on before Wesley has a chance to turn around. When he does, Giles just smiles up at him, covering his handkerchief with his hands. Cut to the quad. Buffy catches up with Faith as they come walking around a corner. Buffy: Faith, wait. Look, I know this new guy's a dork, but... (pauses) Well, I have nothing to follow that. He's pretty much just a dork. Faith: You're actually gonna take orders from him? Buffy: That's the job. What else can we do? Faith: Whatever we want. We're Slayers, girlfriend, the Chosen Two. Why should we let *him* take all the fun out of it? Buffy: Oh, that would be tragic, taking the fun out of slaying, s*ab, beheading. Faith: Oh, like you don't dig it. Buffy: (shrugs) I don't. Faith: You're a liar. I've *seen* you. Tell me staking a vamp doesn't get you a little bit juiced. Come on, say it. She stops and folds her arms, waiting for Buffy's answer. Buffy can't help but smile, and looks down to hide it. Faith: (laughs) You can't fool me. The look in your eyes right after a k*ll? You just get hungry for more. Buffy: (shakes her head) You're way off base. Faith: Tell me that if you don't get in a good slaying, after a while, you just start itching for some vamp to show up so you can give him a good (grunts and punches)! Buffy: Again with the grunting. You realize I'm not comfortable with this. Faith: Hey, slaying's what we were built for. If you're not enjoying it, you're doing something wrong. (starts to leave) Buffy: (sighs) What about the assignment? Faith: (looks back) Tell you what: (points) you do the homework, and I'll copy yours. (grins and goes) Cut to the Gleaves Family Crypt that night. Buffy slowly walks up to it and turns on her Maglite. She steps up to the door and opens it. Cut inside. The large room is dark and dusty. In the center are two stone coffins. There are several drawers on one wall and a few urns on shelves. Buffy takes the steps down into the room and goes to the first coffin. She pushes the heavy lid aside and looks into it with the flashlight. All that's left of the body is the skeleton and a pile of hair and fibers. Buffy: Strike one. No amulet there. She goes to the next coffin and pushes its lid aside. The body in this one has dried out and looks mummified. The clothes are still more or less intact, and around its neck hangs the amulet. Buffy: Game over. She reaches in for it, but jerks back up when she hears noises coming from outside. Through the door she sees torches coming closer and hears voices. She quickly jumps up onto the first coffin, rolls into it and twists off her Maglite just as Vincent, the leader of the Eliminati, pushes the door open. He looks around, but doesn't notice when Buffy pulls the lid of the coffin back into place. Vincent walks down the stairs and goes over to the open coffin. His troops follow him. Inside her coffin, Buffy looks over at the skull beside her, but remains quiet. Vincent looks into the open coffin, sees the amulet and yanks it from the body's neck. He takes a good look at it and smiles at his troops, indicating success for their mission. In the other coffin Buffy remains absolutely still. The Eliminati start to make their way out. When Buffy hears the door close she pushes the lid back open and climbs out, only to be startled by Faith's hand on her shoulder. Buffy: Faith! Faith: What are you doing, hiding in there? Buffy: Looking for the amulet. Wasn't counting on the Special Guest Stars. Six against one. (gestures at the coffin) Hence the hiding. Faith: Well, it's six against two now, so come on. She rushes out of the crypt. Buffy climbs out of the coffin and follows her out. Cut outside. They come out in time to see the last two Eliminati jump down through a manhole into the sewers below. Faith makes tracks for it. Buffy: Wait. Stop. Think! Faith: (stops, defiantly) No, no, no! (starts again) Buffy: (chases her) It's a manhole. Tight space, no escape, six against two, not unlike three against one. Faith: And there might be more, (grabs Buffy's arm) so come on. (lets go) Buffy: You're just gonna go down there. That's your plan. Faith: Who said I had a plan? I don't know how many's down there, but I wanna find out. And I'll know when I land. If you don't come in after me, (shrugs and smiles) I might die! Without any further hesitation she jumps in. Buffy can't believe it, but realizes she can't let her do it alone, and jumps in after her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Wesley is at the study table going through a mass of books. Giles paces nervously. Wesley: These are all the diaries, then? Yours included? Giles: (in a worried tone) That's everything. Knock yourself out. Please? Wesley: (flips through Giles' diary) Oh, yes! Here's your first entry. 'Slayer is willful and insolent.' (smirks) That would be our girl, wouldn't it? Giles: (continues pacing, takes off his glasses) Well, you have to get to know her. Wesley: Mm. (reads) 'Her abuse of the English language is such that I understand only every other sentence.' (looks up) Oh, this is going to make fascinating reading. Giles: (checks his watch) She should be back by now. Wesley: (checks his watch) Not to fret. (reaches for a mint) My mission scenario has her back in one minute. (pops the mint) Shouldn't be any trouble. Cut to the sewers. Buffy and Faith have their hands full fighting the Eliminati. Buffy does a low front snap kick to one of them on the ground. Faith backhand punches another, and his head snaps hard to the side. Buffy grabs yet another and shoves him aside. Buffy: We're surrounded! Faith: You noticed that, too?! Faith backhand punches another Eliminatus. Buffy ducks a vampire's swing and does a roundhouse kick to the back of his knee, making him collapse to the floor. Faith sidesteps her attacker, grabs his arm, swings him around and throws him toward a wall. Buffy does a full spinning hook kick to an incoming vampire and follows up with a roundhouse kick to his head. Another one comes at her from the side and tries to bring his sword down on her from above, but she steps back in time, and it just clangs on the floor. Faith throws her vampire up against a wall, and he collapses to the floor. She does a half-spinning hook kick to another Eliminatus behind her, and he falls dazed onto a raised area. Another vampire jumps up onto it and leaps at Faith. She sidesteps him and pulls him down over the other one. Buffy does a back elbow jab at a vampire's face, causing him to step backwards and trip over a fallen vampire. Another one jumps into the fray and tries to punch her, but she middle blocks him, grabs onto his arm and throws him up against the rock wall. He tries to come at her again, but she side kicks him soundly in the gut, forcing him back up against the wall. The Eliminatus who was down is up again, and she front snap kicks him, knocking him hard onto his back. Faith turns around just in time to get punched in the face by Vincent. He tries to punch her again, but she ducks it and rises back up to roundhouse kick him in the side of the head. Buffy blocks two punches from the vampire against the wall and punches him in the face and again in the gut. He goes down. Faith does a half spinning, jumping out-to-in crescent kick to the head of one of them. Then she high blocks a punch from one behind her. Buffy gets a roundhouse kick in the head and falls to the ground by a pool of water. Her attacker advances on her, and she roundhouse kicks him in the back of the knee, making him lose his balance. Faith punches one in the head, but he comes back with a punch to Faith's gut and grabs her. Faith: Lemme go! He shoves her hard against a concrete wall. Buffy sees her predicament and throws her stake into the vampire's back as she gets up from the floor. He bursts into ashes. Faith gives Buffy a smile. However, with her attention on Faith, Buffy doesn't notice the one behind her, and he grabs her and holds her still for Vincent. He holds out his long sword, pointing it at her chest. Vincent: Let's settle this honorably. Buffy jumps up against the one holding her and does an out-to-in low crescent kick, knocking the sword out of Vincent's hand. It goes flying into the pool of water. Then she shrugs off the one holding her, and he falls to the floor. Vincent grabs hold of her, though, and tries to thrust at her with his short sword. She jerks out of the way in time and grabs hold of his arm, but he uses this to his advantage and grabs her around the back with his other arm, pinning her against the edge of the pool. Vincent: Well, then, let's just settle it. He dunks her head into the water. She struggles to get back up, but can't get a good grip on anything in the filthy water. In the meantime, another vampire gets Faith in a full Nelson hold. She sees Buffy struggling in the water. Faith: Buffy! (struggles with her assailant) You son of a bitch! Vincent keeps holding Buffy's head under water. She struggles valiantly to get up, but just can't. It isn't much longer before she starts to get weak from lack of oxygen and stops struggling, apparently passing out. Vincent holds her under for another few seconds, then lets go and turns his attention to Faith. Buffy remains motionless in the water. Vincent grins widely at Faith, who keeps struggling, but to no avail. Suddenly Buffy leaps up, Vincent's long sword in hand, and swings it around at his head. He's too quick, though, and ducks it, but is left off balance in a crouch. Buffy: I hate it when they drown me. She swings at him again, but he reacts instantly, somersaulting out of the way and back to his feet. He faces her wielding his short sword. She makes quick work of it, knocking it out of his hand with her first swing. She swings at him again widely, but he manages to dodge her. Faith breaks out of the Nelson hold, spins around and punches the vampire in the face. He staggers against the wall. She grabs him and pulls him around, and he flies up and over the small raised area. Faith: B! Gotta go! Buffy misses another swing, but has a determined look on her face. Buffy: We came for the amulet. She jabs the sword straight at Vincent, getting the tip right between the chain holding the amulet at his waist. She lifts the sword, drawing the chain out from under his belt, and it slides down the length of the blade to the hilt. Vincent is freaked by her accuracy and hightails it out of there. Buffy pulls the amulet from the sword and holds it in her hand. Faith comes up next to her. Faith: (breathing heavily) Tell me you don't get off on this! Buffy: (smiles at the amulet) It didn't suck. Cut to the library. Wesley has the amulet in hand and inspects it under a magnifying glass. Giles stands in his office doorway. Wesley: Well... Looks authentic enough. (looks up) Of course, there are tests to be made before actual verification. Buffy: How about verifying that your 'nearly extinct' cult was out in magnum force last night? Faith and I got into a serious party situation. Giles: Are you alright? Buffy: I had to lather, rinse, and repeat about five million times to get the sewer out of my hair, but otherwise, I'm of the good. Thank you for asking. She gives Wesley a look, making it very clear he should have asked as well. Wesley: Perhaps there were a few more than we'd anticipated, but I'd expect you to be ready for anything. (looks her in the eye) Remember the three key words for any Slayer: preparation... preparation... preparation. Buffy: That's one word three times. The school bell rings. Buffy gets up. Buffy: I have a chem test. So sad that I'm actually happy about that. (starts out) Giles, we need to talk. Wesley: (stands up pompously) Buffy... (she stops, but doesn't face him) I must ask you to remember that I am your Watcher. (she faces him) From now on, anything you have to say about slaying you will say to me. The only thing you need discuss with Mr. Giles is overdue book fees. Understood? Buffy: (turns to Giles) We'll talk. Giles: Of course. Buffy leaves for her test. Wesley: (to Giles) You're not helping. Giles: (dripping with sarcasm) No. I feel just sick about it. He takes off his glasses and goes into his office. Wesley is incensed. Cut to chemistry class. Mrs. Taggart passes out the exam booklets. Buffy is at the second to last table by the windows. She is twisted around in her seat, talking quietly to Willow and Xander, who are sitting at the last table. Buffy: It was intense. It was like I just... let go and became this force. I just didn't care anymore. Willow: Yeah, I know what that's like. Buffy: I don't think you can! It's kind of a Slayer thing. I don't even think I'm explaining it well. Xander: You're explaining it a lot, though. Mrs. Taggart hands Xander and Willow their tests. Buffy turns around. Mrs. Taggart: Alright. You have one period to fill out your test booklets. Periodic charts are located on the back. (walks toward the front) You're on the honor system, so remember, no talking. Buffy turns back to Willow and Xander. Buffy: You see, the thing was, Faith knew I didn't even wanna go down there... Mrs. Taggart: (interrupts) Ahem. Ms. Summers? Buffy faces the front and gestures that she's buttoning her lips now. Mrs. Taggart: (to the class) You have one hour. She gives Buffy another look and then leaves the room. Buffy immediately turns back to Willow and Xander. Buffy: Okay, so the best part... Willow: (interrupts, concerned) Buffy. Test? You know. Remember? The thing you didn't come over to study for? Buffy: (seems to get it) Right. Got it. She turns back to her test, but can't resist, and turns around again. Buffy: (smiles) Sorry. Okay, so we're down there, in the sewers, and Faith (Xander's eye twitches) got three of them on her at once... Xander: Hey! Whoa! Can we resume Buffy's 'Ode to Faith' later, like when I'm not actively multiple-choicing? Buffy: (realizes) How come your eye twitches every time I say Faith's name? Xander: (twitches his eye) (defensively) What? (chuckles) No, it doesn't. Buffy leans in closer to him, her eyes intently watching his face. Buffy: Faith. His eye twitches, and he slaps his hand over it. Xander: Cut it out! We got a test to take, okay? And I'm highly caffeinated, and I'm trying to concentrate. Some of us actually care about school. You know. Buffy looks to Willow, but she's concentrating on her test. Buffy finally realizes that she's not going to be allowed to continue her story, and settles down to take her test. She opens the booklet, but is interrupted, along with the rest of the class, by Faith rapping on the window pane trying to get Buffy's attention. Faith lifts the sash and leans in. Faith: (smiles) Hey, girlfriend. (looks around) Bad time? She leans over to the next window, wipes the dust from it with her sleeve, exhales to fog it and uses her index fingers to draw a heart with a stake through it. She looks at Buffy, smiles and bounces her eyebrows. Buffy considers for only a moment before deciding to blow off the test. She slides down from her lab stool and heads for the window. Willow and Xander are shocked. Willow: No, sh-she can't! Faith smiles and leans back in to wait for her partner. Willow: Y-you can't! Can you? Buffy ignores her and climbs out of the window. Faith lowers the sash after Buffy has climbed out. Willow can't believe what just happened. Cut outside. The Slayers walk away from the building. Buffy: What's up? Faith: Vampires. Buffy: Uh, Faith, unless there's a total eclipse in the next five minutes, it's daylight. Faith: Good for us, bad for them. Found a nest. Buffy: (smiles, suddenly comprehending) Has potential. Cut to the vampire nest. It's gloomy. Only a few rays of sunlight are getting in. There are vampires lying all over the floor waiting out the day. Buffy and Faith kick in the door. Bright sunlight washes in and onto one of them, who quickly bursts into flames. The lot of them scramble to their feet and begin to run. The Slayers smile into the nest. Faith: Rise and shine, people. Buffy: It's your wake-up call. They both pull out stakes and run in for a good fight. Cut to the Bronze that evening. Faith and Buffy are on the dance floor gyrating to the hard techno sound of "Chinese Burn", performed by Curve. Three boys come over to them and dance around them. The camera shows a brief view from above of the two girls surrounded by the boys. They pretty much ignore the guys and just hump the air around them. Angel walks under the stairs to the edge of the dance floor and stops to watch, a look of deep concern on his face. The camera shows another brief sh*t of them from above. Eventually Buffy notices Angel standing at the side. When he sees her notice he makes a move to go. Buffy squeezes out from the crowd to go to him. Faith doesn't miss a b*at and starts to paw at the boys, keeping them well entertained. Lyrics: She burns friends like a piece of wood When Buffy reaches Angel she jumps up on him and wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips. Angel supports her at the waist. Buffy: Hey! You're not leaving, are you? Lyrics: And she's jealous of me because she never could Angel: (glances over at Faith and the boys) I saw you making friends. Buffy: (glances dismissingly) Them? Lyrics: Hold herself up without a spine Buffy: (faces him, smiling) Boys! I like you. Lyrics: And she'll look me up when she's doing fine Angel reacts in his usual somber way. Buffy hops down off of him. Buffy: (coyly teasing) What's the matter? You're not afraid of little me, are ya? Angel: (seriously) We better sit down. Come on. He leads her away to a small alcove behind the stairs. Buffy: I can sense this is a business trip. Angel sits. Buffy plops down next to him. Buffy: (flippantly) What's the what? Angel: Balthazar. Buffy: (snuggles close to him) d*ad demon. Angel: Not as d*ad as you think. He gets up and sits across from her, putting some distance between them. Angel: Word on the street puts him in the packing warehouse on Devereau. He's looking for... Buffy: His amulet. It's supposed to restore his strength. Angel: From what I'm hearing, that's not something we'd like to see happen. Buffy: No problem. We got the amulet. Angel: I know. I spoke to Giles, but he said you gave it to someone. Wesley pokes his head around the stairs and finds them. Wesley: (points accusingly) Ah. There you are. Buffy: (mockingly) Ah. Speak of the really annoying person. Wesley: (looks around) You're certainly giving me a run for my money. (sits next to her, whispers) I think we ought to establish that if you're going to go out slaying, you leave me a number where I can contact you. Angel: Where's the amulet? Wesley snaps his head around and looks at Angel in surprise. Wesley: Who are you? Angel: A friend. Do you have it? Wesley: (smugly) It's somewhere safe. Buffy looks at his jacket, reaches in and pulls out the amulet. Wesley: How did you know? Buffy: It pooches your jacket. She tosses it to Angel. Wesley: (protests) Now, hang on a minute... Angel: (holds it up) Walking around with this thing is like wearing a target. Buffy: You're gonna put it somewhere safe (to Wesley) that's actually safe? Angel: (stands up) Yeah. I'll do it now. Buffy: (stands also) I'll do some recon on Balthazar. Wesley: (joins them in standing) (incredulously) If I may... Balthazar is d*ad. Am I the only one that remembers that? They ignore him. Angel leans over and gives Buffy a kiss. Angel: Be careful. Buffy: You know me. Angel: (sternly) I mean it. They both go in opposite directions, leaving Wesley behind and very confused. Wesley: What's going on? Buffy walks onto the dance floor and grabs Faith. She pulls her out of the crowd and toward the door. Faith lets herself be led away, but points back at the boys. Faith: Call me! The guys are bummed to see her go. Cut to the packing warehouse. Balthazar: Let me tell you what I see. Cut inside. Balthazar is enormously obese with very pale, pasty, slimy skin. He sits suspended in a t*nk of filthy water, while one of the Eliminati pours ladle after ladle of it over him in an effort to keep his skin moist. Balthazar: I see fear... and remorse... and the pitiful look of faces that cry out for mercy! But what I *don't* see is what I *want* to see, AND THAT'S... MY... AMULET! Vampire: Lord Balthazar, we found it! We had it! But the Slayers... Balthazar: Already I'm bored. He holds out his hands, and the air between him and the vampires is suddenly disturbed. The vampire floats involuntarily over to Balthazar, who grabs his throat and squeezes until his neck breaks and he slumps lifelessly to the floor. Vincent watches, extremely worried that he may be next. Balthazar: Vincent... Come here. He wheezes hard as Vincent slowly approaches. Balthazar: Closer. Vincent leans toward him. Balthazar: Closer. Vincent leans close enough to be spat upon. Balthazar puts his hands on Vincent's shoulders. Balthazar: Let me tell you... what I want to see. Cut outside. Faith and Buffy look for the packing warehouse and find it. They look in through a crack in the door and see Balthazar surrounded by the Eliminati. Buffy: Okay, we got ten, maybe twelve bad guys and one big demon in desperate need of a Stairmaster. Faith: I say we take 'em all, hard and fast and now. Buffy: We need a little more firepower than none. We should head back to the library. Faith: Well, I guess Jacuzzi Boy isn't going anywhere. (looks around) I just... wish we had... Across the street at the end of the alley she sees Meyer's Sport and Tackle shop. She points Buffy in that direction. Faith: Ah. That is too good. They head for the store. Cut to the store. Faith kicks in the front door. Cut inside. They walk through quickly. looking for anything useful to them. Faith finds the Archery counter. Faith: Ah. Score. She spies a small crossbow, complete with 4x optical sights, on display beneath the glass countertop. She breaks the glass with her elbow, reaches in and pulls it out. Buffy: Think they're insured? Faith: Strangely, not my priority. (checks the trigger mechanism) When are ya gonna get this, B? Life for a Slayer is very simple: (walks to a vertical case) want... (breaks it) take... (reaches in for a set of nun- chucks) have. (stuffs them into her pants) Buffy seems a bit unsure, but changes her mind when she spies a case of hunting knives. Buffy: Want... (walks to the case) take... (stops in front of it) have. She punches the glass with her fist, and it breaks, disturbing a dagger, which she catches as it falls. She pulls her hand out and turns the blade over in her hand, smiling. Buffy: I'm gettin' it. Faith smiles, too, seeing that Buffy is finally coming around to her way of thinking. She turns around and sees a compound hunting bow under the glass of another display case, and kicks it in. Buffy just gives her a brief glance. Faith pulls the bow out and looks it over, then smiles at her partner in slayage. But before they can get any further, they are surprised by a g*n. They spin around to see they've been caught by two police officers. They both have their service revolvers aimed at them. Officer: Drop the w*apon and get down on the ground! Now! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Inside Meyer's Sport and Tackle. The police officer takes a step closer, eyeing the two girls. Officer: I said drop the w*apon, or I f*re. Buffy slowly reaches her hand out and sets the dagger on a counter. The officer is satisfied, and turns his attention to Faith. She gives in, but isn't as gentle with the hunting bow as Buffy was with the Kn*fe, simply extending her arm and tossing it aside. The two officers visibly relax a bit, but keep their g*n up and ready. Officer: Now spread 'em. Faith: (haughtily) You wish. Buffy's eyes go wide with concern for what Faith might do. The officers tense up again. Officer: Hands in the air where I can see 'em. Slow! Faith smiles at him, but does as she's told and raises her arms over her head. Buffy raises hers as well, but just level to her shoulders. Officer: Good. (to his partner) Now cuff 'em. His partner holsters his g*n and reaches into his belt for his cuffs. Faith checks out the one still holding the g*n. Faith: (to Buffy, smiling sexily) I like him. He's butch. Cut inside the police car. Buffy and Faith are in the back seat with their hands cuffed behind their backs. A heavy steel mesh separates them from the officers in the front seat. Officer: That's some a*tillery you two were puttin' together. You with one of them girl gangs? Faith: (sarcastically) Yeah. We're the Slayers. The officer laughs. Faith doesn't think it's funny. Faith: (quietly to Buffy) You wanna get outta here? She slouches down in the seat. Buffy realizes what she intends, and isn't at all sure it's a good idea. Faith: (impatiently) We can't save the world in jail. Buffy sees the truth in that, and slowly slouches down also. Faith raises her legs, and Buffy follows her lead. Faith: (quietly) One, two... They both push-kick hard into the steel mesh, making it buckle and tear at the edges and h*t the officers in the backs of their heads. The driver loses control of the car, and it swerves screechingly to the left and smashes into a parked car. The damage isn't terribly serious, but the police car's radiator has burst, and the steam rises thickly, obscuring the view. Both officers are unconscious. Buffy climbs out of the front passenger-side door. A moment later Faith comes out as well with one of the officer's keys. They turn back-to-back and fumble with the keys, trying to unlock the cuffs. Buffy: (looking at the officers) We should call an ambulance. Faith: Five people already have, the racket we made, and they're fine. She's right. One of them is already regaining consciousness. She gets the cuffs unlocked. Faith: Come on. Let's get outta here. She starts to run, but looks back when Buffy doesn't immediately follow. Faith: COME ON! Buffy sees the other officer start to come to as well. She looks around quickly a last time and runs after Faith. Cut to Buffy's house the next morning. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy enters through the back door, bringing the paper in with her. She is engrossed in an article, perhaps about the break-in and police car accident. Joyce walks in from the dining room. Joyce: Admit it. Buffy looks up surprised. Her mother leans on the island. Joyce: Some days don't you wanna just wake up and say to Hell with the diet? Wanna make waffles? Big Saturday brunch? Buffy: No, thanks. I'm not really that hungry. (turns the page) Joyce sighs and goes to the dish cabinet. Joyce: So, what did you and Faith do last night? Buffy: Nothing. Uh... (smiles thinly) Nothing really important. Joyce: (gets a coffee mug) Don't worry. (grabs the coffee pot) I'm not gonna meddle in your slaying. (pours a cup) Just as long as you're careful. Buffy: (engrossed in reading) I am. Joyce sees how she's concentrating and steps over to the island. Joyce: You sure about those waffles? Buffy looks up and closes the paper. Buffy: Yeah. But if you want them, I can help you make them. Joyce: No. (sighs) They only don't have calories if I make them for you. (Buffy doesn't get it) Mom logic. You, uh, done with the paper? Buffy: (gets up) Yeah. (leaves the kitchen) Joyce: (opens the paper) Let's see what's happening in Sunnydale. Cut to the Mayor's office. He poses with a troop of young Boy Scouts. They all have huge smiles on their faces. The photographer snaps the picture. Mayor Wilkins: There we go. The Scouts all file out of the office. Mayor Wilkins: Thanks a lot, fellas. Thanks a heap. He goes to the window, where the blinds are open, letting in plenty of light. Mayor Wilkins: Hey, have fun on that camping trip, now. Don't forget to roast a wiener for me. Allan shoos the last of the Scouts out and closes the door securely. The Mayor chuckles as he closes the blinds, then walks to the other window and closes them there, too. Mayor Wilkins: Here we go. Alright, you can come out now. The door to his private bathroom opens, and Mr. Trick comes back into the office. Mayor Wilkins: (shakes his finger at the office door, smiling) Backbone of America, those little guys. Seeing the hope and courage on their bright little faces, I swear I could just, I... I could just eat 'em up. (chuckles, heads for his liquor cabinet) So, any news about the Eliminati? He opens the cabinet, and out jumps Vincent. He grabs him by the neck, pushes him back and down over his desk and holds up his sword to att*ck. Vincent: In the name of Lord Balthazar, DIE! Before he can do anything else, Mr. Trick punches him in the forehead. Vincent falls backward onto the floor, unconscious. The Mayor coughs as he sits up on the edge of the desk and straightens his tie. Mayor Wilkins: Thank you, Mr. Trick. That was very thoughtful of you. Trick: Why do they always gotta be using swords? (picks it up, tosses it to Allan) It's called an U*i, ya chump! Could have saved your ass right about now. Allan would rather not have the sword, and looks down at Vincent aghast. Mayor Wilkins: (to Allan, arms crossed) You know, it's curious how he could've gotten all the way into my liquor cabinet. (Allan looks up at him) Allan, don't we have, don't we have security working in this building? Allan: (scared and nervous) Sir, I... I had no idea. I-I... Mayor Wilkins: There's no need to swoon, Allan. But try to keep things secure. (looks down at Vincent) Lock him up. (goes to his chair) Trick: He wakes up, he's just gonna try and k*ll you again. Mayor Wilkins: (sits) (smugly) Yes. Yes, I expect he will. Cut to the packing warehouse. One of the Eliminati lifts the ladle and pours the water over Balthazar. The camera shifts focus onto the new leader of the Eliminati. Balthazar: Vincent made a noble effort. Man to man, as befits a true warrior. (wheezes) He had courage... He had honor... AND I HAVE *JACK* TO SHOW FOR IT! (calms a bit) It's been a hundred years since my enemy crippled me. Now ultimate power is within his grasp. And I shall *not* let it be! Forget about honor! Forget about everything! But getting my amulet! Bring the Watchers to me! Find the Slayers and k*ll them! k*ll everything that gets in your way! GOOOOO! GOOOOO! Cut to Buffy's house. Buffy: Mmm. Willow: You like it? Cut to Buffy's room. She and Willow are sitting on her bed. Buffy is sniffing a small black felt pouch that Willow gave to her. Buffy: It smells good. What is it? Willow: (smiling proudly) Just a little something we witches like to call a protection spell. Buffy: Good deal, protection. (sniffs) I'm surprised, though, 'cause usually spell stuff's more... Willow: Stinky. Yeah. That's why I added lavender. Give me time, and I may be the first wicca to do all my conjuring in pine fresh scent. So what's the plan? Buffy gives her an inquiring look. Willow: For tonight's slayage. We're going, aren't we? Buffy: (wanting to avoid the subject) Yeah. Willow: (knowing there's more) Great! Buffy: (realizes she can't hide it) But... there's a 'but'. And that's 'but you shouldn't come... tonight.' Is that cool? Willow: (slightly hurt) Well, sure. Makes sense. You know... You'll be facing big, hairy danger. Buffy: (tries to justify it) Uh, b-biggest and very hairy. Willow: (fishes for more information) You'll be risking your life. Buffy: Right. And why risk yours? Willow: (glances down, then back up) Because I'm your friend? Buffy: I know, Will, and that's exactly why I don't want you going. It's, it's too dangerous. Willow: (protests) But I-I've done this sort of thing before! Like, a million times, and I can totally handle myself. Besides, (holds up her own felt pouch) minty fresh protection. So? There's a knock at the door. Faith opens it and comes in. Faith: Ready? Time to motor. Hey, Willow. Willow: (unenthused) Hi. (faces Buffy) Uh... Faith paces back toward the door. Buffy: (stands up, apologetic) I really should... But we'll hang out later, right? Willow: (trying to hide how hurt she is) Yeah. You, you go ahead. I'll just get my stuff. Buffy wants to say something, but changes her mind and just looks at her friend, giving her felt pouch a squeeze, and follows Faith out of the room. Willow watches her go, then looks down at her own pouch. Willow: Stupid... She throws the pouch down on the bed. Cut to an alley near the packing warehouse. Buffy and Faith come walking around a corner. Faith has the compound hunting bow with her, and gets an arrow ready. Faith: You're quiet tonight. Buffy: I just wanna get this done. Faith: Yeah. (smiling) I'm dying to test out the longbow. I think it might be my new thing. Buffy: I can't believe you went back for that stuff. Faith: Hey, how do you feel about getting some ribs? You know, after we're done? They are surprised by an Eliminatus doing a front tuck from above and landing in their way. Cut to Giles' office. Wesley checks out some of the pictures on the wall while Giles sits at his desk fidgeting with his glasses. Wesley: I didn't say you had emotional problems. (turns to Giles) I said you had *an* emotional problem. (condescendingly) It's quite different. Giles: (enunciating clearly) My 'attachment' to the Slayer is not a problem. In point of fact, it's been a very... Wesley: (interrupts) The way you've handled this assignment is something of an embarrassment to the council. Giles: (miffed) If you want to criticize my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself. And while you're at it, don't criticize my methods. (puts on his glasses) Wesley: The fact is, you're no longer qualified to act as Watcher. (paces behind Giles, condescendingly) It's not your fault. You've done well. It's simply time for somebody else to take the field. (turns around) Giles looks at him, then past him through the window to the main area. Giles: Now's a good time to start. Wesley turns to look as well, and there they see four Eliminati come to take them to Balthazar. Cut to the alley. The vampire roars and comes at Buffy. She sidesteps him, grabs him and shoves him into the back of a truck. He comes at her again and does a front snap kick at Buffy, which she blocks. She returns with a roundhouse kick to his gut, knocking him to the pavement. Buffy jumps on him, and they begin to struggle. Another vampire joins in as Faith struggles with her bow, but they are in too close of quarters for her to use it against him. Faith: (to herself) Screw it! She drops the bow, but holds on to the arrow. She ducks a roundhouse kick from the demon, and the momentum of the kick without a h*t makes him keep spinning before he lands. Faith does a side-kick to his side, and he staggers into the side of a truck. Faith comes at him with her arrow and plunges it home as he turns around to att*ck again. He bursts into ashes. Buffy gets up holding her stake, having just dusted hers as well. Faith: I think we've got more comin'! They start quickly in the direction of the packing warehouse. Buffy: We're never gonna make it to the warehouse. Faith: If they keep coming one at a time, we got a sh*t. Suddenly another Eliminatus lands in front of them and thrusts at Faith with his short sword. She reacts instantly, catching his arm and shoving him into a crate, then pulling him off and swinging him backward onto a pile of several chords of wood. Buffy steps right in and stakes him. He crumbles to ash. The two Slayers continue along the alley at a brisk pace. At the end of the building an arm reaches out and grabs Buffy by the shoulder. Instantly she grabs the man and throws him against a dumpster. Faith jumps right in to stake him. He slumps down to the ground, hurt by the impact against the heavy steel container. It's Allan, but Faith is too caught up in things and doesn't realize he's human. Buffy: FAITH, NO! Faith swings down with her stake and plunges it into Allan's heart, then pulls it out. Allan grabs his chest in pain and surprise. Blood pours out freely, pumped out by his now punctured, beating heart. Faith backs away as Buffy quickly gets down beside him to try to help him. Allan pulls his hands away and looks down at them covered in his own blood, shaking hard as he goes into shock. Buffy looks at the wound and sees its severity. Buffy: Don't move! Faith: (shocked) I didn't... I didn't know. I didn't know. Buffy: (to Faith behind her) We need to call 911, NOW! Faith is paralyzed with fear. Allan shakes even harder as the blood loss increases. He looks up at Buffy. Buffy: (to Allan) Don't move, i-it's okay... She tries to apply pressure to the wound, but the blood just keeps coming. Buffy: (to Faith) I-I need, I need something to stop the... Allan begins to convulse. His eyes go wide with the fear of death as blood begins to trickle from the corner of his mouth. He tries to say something, but can't get the words out. Buffy can only watch in despair, unable to help. Allan looks down at his chest one last time, then reaches up to Buffy, but his arm never makes it. It falls to his side, and his body relaxes against the dumpster, finally d*ad. His eyes remain wide open, staring up into nothing. Buffy stares back at him in open- mouthed horror. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The alley. Allan lies d*ad against the dumpster. Faith begins to panic. Faith: We gotta go! She grabs Buffy and pulls her up. Faith: Come on, we gotta go! They run from the scene. The camera cuts to Allan's face, still blankly staring into space, and pans down to his blood-soaked shirt and jacket. Cut to the Slayers running down an alley. Buffy stops to look back. Faith grabs her arm to get her to follow. Faith: Come on. She climbs up on some crates and jumps over a wall. Buffy decides to continue down the alley to a fence, and climbs over it instead. Cut into another alley. Buffy waits for a car to pass on the street and walks into the alley. There she is surprised by Angel coming out of the shadows. Buffy: Angel! Angel: Buffy, I've been looking for you. He notices that she's stressed out, then sees the blood on her hands. He takes one and holds it up to see. Buffy jerks it back. Angel: Your hand. Buffy: It's okay. Angel: I've just been to the warehouse. I was waiting for you. They got Giles. Buffy's face instantly washes over with worry. Cut to Allan's body. Faith slowly steps up to it. In the distance a police siren can be heard getting closer, then further away. Faith kneels down beside Allan and reaches out for the wound. She touches it and immediately yanks her hand back. She looks at him, her expression full of guilt and horror at making the worst mistake she possibly could: k*lling a human. Cut to the packing warehouse. Wesley and Giles are being held before Balthazar, but he's ignoring them for the moment as he insistently instructs the vampire with the ladle. Balthazar: The front! The front! Moisten the front! He groans as a ladle full of water is poured across his chest. Wesley and Giles watch in disgust. Wesley: (very nervous) Oh, God! (looks around desperately) Oh, God! Giles: (calmly) It doesn't seem too promising, does it? Wesley: (trying not to panic) Stay calm, Mr. Giles. We have to stay calm. Giles: (brimming over with sarcasm) Well, thank God you're here. I was planning to panic. Wesley: (looks at Balthazar) What *is* that thing? Giles: That would be your demon. You know, the d*ad one? Wesley: There's no need to get snippy. Balthazar finally turns his attention to the Watchers. Balthazar: Bring them closer. Two of the Eliminati grab them and shove them closer. Balthazar: You know what I want. Giles: If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach areas, I'd like to request you k*ll me now. He is h*t hard in the back for his insolence. Giles: Ow. Wesley: (beginning to panic) Are you out of your mind? This is hardly the time for games! Giles: Why not? They're going to t*rture us to death anyway. Balthazar: (snickers happily) You're not wrong about that. (wheezes) Wesley: Now, hold on. We-we-we can deal with this rationally. We have something you want. You have something we want. Balthazar: Hmm... A trade. Intriguing. (considers) No. Wait. Boring. Pull off his kneecaps! Two of the vampires grab him. Wesley: (horrified) NOOO! No, no, no! (they let go, he caves) The Slayer g-gave it to someone. A tall man, a friend... a friend of hers. I can tell you everything. Giles: (under his breath) Quiet, you twerp! They'll k*ll us both. Wesley: (panicked) But I'd like to have my kneecaps. Balthazar: You will tell us everything! Wesley: Yes! Sir. Balthazar: What is this friend's name? Wesley: (at a loss) I didn't actually catch it. Giles: (tries to fake him out) Look, um, tell you what, let Captain Courageous here go, and I'll tell you what you need to know. How's that deal? Balthazar: THERE IS ONE DEAL! YOU WILL DIE QUICKLY, OR YOU WILL DIE SLOWLY! THE MAN WHO HAS MY AMULET! WHAT IS HIS NAAAME?! Angel: His name is Angel. He walks into their midst sporting his game face, and immediately grabs the two Eliminati holding Giles and Wesley, pulling them away and slamming one of them into a wall, the other into some metal shelves. Another one moves to take their place holding the Watchers, but Giles headbutts him, and he falls. Buffy jumps in now, too, coming from the other direction, backhand punches one vampire and punches another in the face. The first one raises his sword and tries to att*ck, but she blocks him and grabs his arm. She brings it down and knees him in the gut, making him drop his sword. Giles sees Buffy catch it, and turns his tied hands toward her. She swings the sword in a high arc and brings it down on the ropes binding his wrists, slicing them cleanly. The pieces fall to the floor as Giles grabs Wesley and pushes him out of harm's way. Buffy swings the sword back at the Eliminatus, but he catches her hand and swings the sword down against the edge of Balthazar's pool, forcing her to drop it. He does a backhand swing at Buffy's face, making her trip forward, but she returns with a back kick at him, and then shoulder rolls onto a large crate to avoid being sliced by another one's sword. Balthazar: (flailing his arms in a tantrum) Un... (sputters) Unacceptable! Angel ducks a swing from an Eliminatus and then does a right hook to his face and punches him hard in the gut. He turns around and backhand punches the one behind him, blocks a return swing and punches him again. Balthazar: (very displeased) UNACCEPTABLE! Out of the way of the fight, Giles unties Wesley's hands. Behind him a vampire roars, and he looks back in time to see and duck his sword. It hits on a shelf, and Giles grabs the blade and back elbows the vamp in the face, taking the sword from him. He swings it around and jams the hilt of the sword into his face as well, then spins around in time to take on another one. The Eliminatus swings his sword at Giles, who parries it with his own. The vampire swings again, and again Giles blocks it. The demon spins around and swings down from above, but again Giles has his sword up in time to block. He swings his arms around and down, forcing the Eliminatus' sword to the floor and making him bend down with it, and then knees him in the face. The vampire jerks backward and falls to the floor, dropping his sword. In the meantime, the one whose sword was taken away by Giles grabs Wesley from behind, pinning his arms behind his back. Wesley: Giles! Giles raises his sword and starts to swing it. Giles: DOWN! Wesley bends over fast, and the blade catches the vampire on the neck and slices through. The beheaded Eliminatus bursts into ashes. Wesley stands back up, shocked at what just happened. Buffy gets to her feet on a raised area of the floor. An Eliminatus comes at her with a sword, but she grabs his arm and pulls him past her over a crate and into a barrel. Another one swings at her, and she middle blocks him, punches him in the gut, ducks another swing and then backhand punches him in the face. He falls to the floor. Buffy picks him up and sends him spinning into a huge pile of rope. As he tries to come at her again, she does a full spinning wheel kick to his face. He quickly regains his balance and tries to punch her, but she redirects his fist and holds onto it while she elbows him in the face. She swings him around and throws him into a bunch of stacked oil barrels. Angel delivers a side kick to his attacker. Another one tries to front kick him, but he grabs his leg and throws him into a back layout. Another one comes for Buffy. She just grabs him by the arms and throws him from the raised floor to below. She blocks a roundhouse kick from another and nearly gets punched in the face. She punches him in the gut, and he doubles over, backing away a bit. This gives her room to fly into a double spinning out-to-in jumping crescent kick. The vampire flies upward spinning fast and lands hard on a crate, then rolls off onto the floor below. An Eliminatus gets Angel in the face with a jumping out-to-in crescent kick, but he's not fazed. Angel blocks a high punch from him, punches him in the gut, grabs onto him and throws him through the air and into a wall. Balthazar has had enough and holds out his arms. The air between him and Angel becomes disturbed, and Angel finds himself being sucked back toward him. He lands on his back on the edge of the pool. Balthazar seizes his head in both hands. Angel struggles to get away, but the grip is extremely tight. Buffy sees what's happening and looks for a way to help. She spies an electrical cable hanging down from a lamp directly above Balthazar. She grabs it and yanks hard, and the lamp falls from the roof with sparks flying right into the pool. Balthazar immediately lets go of Angel and writhes in agony as he is electrocuted. Giles and Wesley stare in amazement. Soon Balthazar seems d*ad and the circuit breakers shut off the power. Buffy rushes over to help Angel. He's shaken but fine. She looks at Balthazar and is startled when his eyes whip open and he takes a sudden breath. Balthazar: (weak and wheezing) Slayer! You think you've won. (chuckles and wheezes) When he rises... you'll wish I'd k*lled you all. He lets out his last breath and dies. Buffy looks at Angel, wondering what he meant. Cut to a room at City Hall. Mayor Wilkins is kneeling in an inverted pentagram with his hands out to his sides. Five candles are burning at each point. He recites a spell. Mayor Wilkins: Potestatem matris nostrae in tenebris invoco. Maledictum filium tuum abomni periculo custodias nunc et in saecula! Translation: Our mother of darkness, I summon thee. Curse now your dangerous accursed son and protect him into the new age! The building begins to shake. The Mayor remains still with his eyes closed and moves with the quake. Mr. Trick looks around nervously, as does Vincent who is locked in a cage. Soon it's over, and the Mayor opens his eyes and checks his watch. Mayor Wilkins: I don't understand why Allan would miss this. He's usually so punctual. (stands up) Trick: (wide-eyed) Did it work? Mayor Wilkins: Let's find out. Open the gate. Trick: You sure? Mayor Wilkins: Oh! Hold on. He trots over to Trick, takes Vincent's sword from him, sets it tip-down on the floor and lets it fall through the cage bars into Vincent's hands. The Mayor takes several steps back. Mayor Wilkins: Okay. Now we're ready. Trick steps around to the front of the cage, unlocks the padlock and removes the chains. The Mayor watches and waits calmly. Trick pulls open the door, and Vincent rushes out, heading straight for the Mayor. He raises his sword high and brings it down hard on the Mayor's head, slicing it in two. Amazingly, he does not bleed. The flesh inside just shimmers as Vincent pulls back his sword. The two halves of the Mayor's head pull toward each other and seal themselves together. He stands before Vincent as though he was completely untouched. Vincent can't believe his eyes and backs away. Mr. Trick waits behind him and stakes him through the back. He explodes into ashes. Mayor Wilkins: Well! He reaches into his jacket, pulls out his daily planner and opens it to today's list. Some of the things included are: Greet Scouts Lumber Union Reschedule Call Temp Agency Become Invincible Meeting With PTA Haircut He puts a check mark next to "Become Invincible" and puts the planner away. Trick comes up to him. Mayor Wilkins: This officially commences the Hundred Days. Nothing can harm me until the Ascension. (smiles wide and laughs) Gosh, I'm feeling chipper! (keeps laughing) Who's for a root beer?! He turns around and leaves the room. Trick can't help but smile and follow him. Cut to Faith's hotel. Cut to her bathroom. She is scrubbing at her shirt in the sink when she hears a knock on the door and looks up. Buffy: Faith, it's me. Faith leaves the shirt in the sink and goes to answer it. Buffy breaks a long moment of silence. Buffy: Hey. Faith: Hey. She walks back to the bathroom and continues scrubbing the shirt. Buffy comes in, closes the door and follows Faith to the bathroom. Buffy: So, I, uh... (sees Faith scrubbing) How are ya doin'? Faith: (still scrubbing) I'm alright. You know me. Buffy: Faith, we need to talk about what we're gonna do. Faith: (looks at Buffy) There's nothing to talk about. I was doing my job. Buffy: Being a Slayer is not the same as being a k*ller. Faith has nothing to say. She's finished scrubbing. Buffy: Faith, please don't shut me out here. Look, sooner or later, we're both gonna have to deal. Faith: (looks the shirt over) Wrong. Buffy: We can help each other. Faith: I don't need it. She pulls the plug from the sink, walks into the room and pulls open a drawer on which to hang the shirt to dry. Buffy: Yeah? Who's wrong now? Faith, you can shut off all the emotions that you want. But eventually, they're gonna find a body. Faith: (faces Buffy) Okay, this is the last time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me? There *is* no body. I took it, weighted it, and dumped it. The body doesn't exist. (turns away) Buffy: (shocked) Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away. Faith: (faces Buffy) It does for me. Buffy: (very concerned) Faith, you don't get it. You *k*lled* a man. Faith: No, *you* don't get it. (smiles daringly) I don't care! She turns away again to tend to her things. Buffy is speechless with disbelief.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x14 - Bad Girls"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Underwater. Copious amounts of bubbles rise through it, some larger, some smaller, as though someone below is doing their best to hold their breath, but can't continue for much longer. The camera pans down, and there is Buffy frantically trying to get to the surface. Below her Allan grabs her ankle and pulls her down. She kicks her legs and flails her arms, desperately trying to shake loose. Eventually she manages to break free of his grip and swim to the surface. She breaks through and draws a deep breath. There, kneeling on the dock above, she sees Faith, who reaches down and shoves her back underwater. Cut to Buffy's room. She wakes with a start from the nightmare, and draws several deep breaths to calm herself as she realizes it was all just a dream. She sits up in bed and looks around her room. She pushes the blankets back, gets up and walks out into the hall, where she can hear the news on the TV in her mother's room. News Anchor: We go now live to our field reporter, who is standing by at the waterfront with this breaking news about the m*rder that has shocked the Mayor and residents of Sunnydale. Buffy can see the TV from the hall. It is showing footage of the boat retrieving Allan's body. Field Reporter: Fishermen discovered the body today, the victim of a brutal s*ab. Authorities and citizens alike were shocked when the slain man was identified as Deputy Mayor Allan Finch. Buffy can't believe that they not only found the body, but that he was also a public figure. Field Reporter: Still reeling from the news, Mayor Wilkins had this to say. The news cuts to the Mayor at a press conference. Mayor Wilkins: Mr. Finch was not only my longtime aide and associate, he was a close personal friend. I promise you I will not rest until whoever did this is found and brought to justice. Thank you very much. Joyce notices Buffy standing behind her. Joyce: Oh, honey, you're up. (turns back to the TV) Oh, it's just terrible, isn't it? Buffy doesn't know what to say or how to react. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunnydale High School library. Buffy is sitting on the study table and Faith is sitting in a chair at the table. Wesley paces. Giles is sitting at the far end. Wesley: I want you to look into this. Find out everything you can about the m*rder of the Deputy Mayor. Buffy: (nervous and confused) But that's... I-I mean, that's... That's not really our jurisdiction, is it? Faith: (eerily calm) It's no big, B. We'll get into it if he wants. Giles: No, Buffy's right. The Deputy Mayor's m*rder was the result of human malice. There's nothing supernatural about it. Wesley: We don't know that for certain. (brightly) I say it merits investigation. Giles: (gets up, walks around the table) Which I'm sure the police are doing. Meantime, if you ask me, there are better uses for the Slayers' time. Wesley: (snootily) Ah. But I don't believe I did. (holds the daily paper out to him) Ask you. Giles: (yanks the paper away) Considering the success of your previous adventure... Cordelia walks into the library. Giles looks over at her. Cordelia: Don't let me interrupt. Wait. Let me interrupt. I'm in a hurry. (raises her eyebrows) Giles: What did you need? Wesley turns to see who has spoken, and is immediately taken by her beauty. He stares at her with his mouth agape, looking her up and down. Cordelia: Uh, psych class. Freud and Jung. Book me? Giles: Happily. Cordelia: (notices Wesley, smiles) Check out Giles: The Next Generation. What's your deal? Wesley: (stammering nervously) Uh, I, uh... Well... (swallows) I'm a... Faith is quite amused. She leans forward on the table. Faith: New Watcher. Cordelia: Oh. Wesley: (turns to Buffy, irritated) Does everybody know about you? Buffy: She's a friend. Cordelia: Let's not exaggerate. So... (steps closer) You're the new Watcher. Wesley: (summons his poise, holds out his hand) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Cordelia: (takes it) I like a man with two last names. I'm Cordelia. Wesley: (smiles) And you teach psychology. Cordelia: I *take* psychology. Giles walks behind Wesley with Cordelia's books. Giles: She's a student. Wesley immediately drops Cordelia's hand. Wesley: Oh, well. I, uh... (swallows) Yes. (squares his shoulders) In fact, I am... here to watch... girls. Uh, uh, Buffy and Faith, to be specific. Cordelia: (steps closer, smiling brightly) Well, it's about time we got some fresh blood around here. Wesley: (laughs nervously) Well. Fresh. Yes. At the checkout counter Giles stamps the due date into the books. Giles: Here we go. Cordelia: (to Giles) Thanks. (to Wesley) So, welcome to Sunnydale. She gives him a bright smile and goes to retrieve her books. On her way out she makes sure to put just the right amount of swing in her hips. Wesley: (watching her back admiringly) My. She is cheeky, isn't she? Faith: (still amused) Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait. Wesley: Ahem. (pulls out his handkerchief) Well, uh... (dabs his mouth) Where were we? Buffy: (slips off the table) Done. I mean, we were done, right? Faith: (stands up) Uh, yep. Off to patrol. So we'll see ya. Wesley: (draws himself up) One moment, girls. I'm your commander now, and on the matter of this m*rder, I am resolved. Natural or super, I want to know. Faith: Fine by me. Always ready to kick a little bad guy butt. She touches her hand to Buffy's shoulder, and the two of them walk out. Wesley smiles beatifically after them. Cut to an empty classroom. The Slayers walk in. Buffy pulls the door closed behind her. Faith checks the other door to make sure it's closed, which it is. They meet in the center of the room. Faith: (challengingly) So, you gonna rat me out? Is that it? Buffy: (imploringly) Faith, we have to tell. I can't pretend to investigate this. I can't pretend that I don't know. Faith: (snidely) Oh, I see. But you can pretend that Angel's still d*ad when you need to protect him. Buffy: I *am* trying to protect you. Look, if-if we don't do the right thing, it's only gonna make things worse for you. Faith: Worse than jail for the rest of my young life? No way! Buffy: Faith, what we did was... Faith: (ominously) Yeah. We. You were right there beside me when this whole thing went down. Anything I have to answer for, you do, too. You're a part of this, B. All the way. Faith walks out of the classroom, leaving a shocked Buffy behind. Cut to the hall. Buffy comes out of the classroom and walks toward the student lounge. There she sees Willow sitting alone on a couch, and goes to her. Willow notices her coming, glances up for an instant and takes a deep breath as she pretends to go back to her reading, apprehensive about them meeting. Buffy: Hey. Willow: Hey. (Buffy sits) Where's Faith? I-I saw her around. Figured you two were gonna go k*ll some more nasty stuff. Buffy: Not right now. I-I, um, I think she bailed. They both begin to talk again simultaneously. Buffy: Willow, I was won... Willow: Actually, I'm... They both stop. Buffy lets out a deep breath. Buffy: Um... You go ahead. Willow: (puts her book away) I'm late. I-I'm meeting Michael. The warlock guy? We're still trying to de-rat Amy. Buffy: (smiles thinly) Okay. Neither of them says anything for a long moment. Willow: (evasively) So see ya. (gets up and goes) Buffy: (to herself) See you. Cut to the scene where Allan was k*lled. The red and blue flashing lights of police car light bars illuminate the area. A forensic expert takes blood and fiber samples from the dumpster as another police officer holds a Maglite up to it. Detective Stein is also there, interviewing a potential witness. Det. Stein: So, uh... You heard the man scream about what time last night? Woman: (worriedly) Oh, I'm not sure. 7:00, maybe 8:00. Det. Stein: Can you be more specific, say between 7:30 and 8:00? The camera moves through the scene and finds Angel, watching from a distance. He sees the blood on the dumpster and watches as the samples are taken. He flashes back to the previous night when he saw the blood on Buffy's hand. Angel: Your hand. Buffy: Oh. It's okay. He's back in the present, and continues to watch all the activity. Cut to City Hall. Cut to the Mayor's office. He puts a sheet of paper into the shredder and listens to it whir through. He follows it with another. The camera pans up to his face. He's not a happy Mayor. Mayor Wilkins: It's not working. Trick: It's supposed to do something besides shred? Mayor Wilkins: It's *supposed* to cheer me *up*. Usually using the shredder gives me a lift. It's fun. Trick: And today you're not getting the ya-yas. Mayor Wilkins: (morosely) No. He shreds another sheet. Mayor Wilkins: Guess it'll take more than this to turn my frown upside down. I just *don't* understand why Allan would leave such a paper trail about our dealings. (considers) Do you think he was gonna betray me? Oh, now, that's a horrible thought. And now he's d*ad, I'll never have the chance to scold him. Trick: Maybe this will change your mood. He drops a copy of the coroner's report on the desk. The Mayor picks it up and opens it. Mayor Wilkins: What is it? Trick: b*mb. The Deputy Mayor had wooden splinters in his wound. Struck right through the heart with a sharp, pointed object. Now, word is, someone was fighting vampires not a block away from the scene. Any smart money says it was a Slayer who did this job. Mayor Wilkins: Why? Do you think he talked? To them? Trick: If he did, I'm thinking he said the wrong thing. Mayor Wilkins: (closes the report) Well, this *is* exciting. A Slayer up for m*rder One. That's sunshine and roses to me. It really is. He laughs as he taps the end of the report on his desk and sets it down. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ City Hall at night. Cut to Allan's office. Faith and Buffy break in. Buffy closes the door behind them, checking to make sure they weren't seen. She turns on the light. They both look around the office. Faith: (darkly) I'm telling you, we did the world a favor. (goes to his chair) This guy was about as interesting as watching paint dry. Buffy: (uneasily) Faith... Faith: I'm joking. Jeez, lighten up a little, B. She looks across his desk and notices a picture of him with the Mayor. Buffy goes through the papers in his inbox. Faith picks up the picture and stares at it, cradling it gently. Faith: He came out of nowhere. Buffy: (sympathetically) I know. Faith: (annoyed) Whatever. (puts down the picture) I'm not lookin' to hug and cry and learn and grow. I'm just saying it happened quick, you know? She pulls open his drawer. Everything inside is neat and in place. Buffy starts to go through some papers lying on top of his filing cabinets. Faith loses her patience. Faith: You know what? Let's just blow. Who cares what this guy was about? It's kind of moot now, don't you think? Buffy: I don't think he was in that alley by chance. I think he was looking for us. I'd like to know why. She opens a file drawer. It's empty. Faith: So, what, you think there's some big conspiracy? Buffy closes the drawer and opens another. All the folders in it are also empty. Buffy: You were saying? Faith: So his papers are gone. That doesn't prove anything. Buffy: Except that somebody didn't want us to prove anything. Faith begins to get it. Cut to the hall. Buffy opens the door and peeks out. The hall is clear, so she steps out into it. Just then the Mayor's door opens further down the hall, and Mr. Trick steps out. The Mayor is right behind him. Buffy looks back at Faith, and they both scramble back into Allan's office and close the door quietly. They can still hear them talking out in the hall. Mayor Wilkins: Get as many men on it as you can. Trick: Yeah. We'll be wanting to turn up the heat. Cut to the streets. Buffy and Faith step off the sidewalk and into the street. Faith: So the Mayor of Sunnydale is a Black Hat. That's a shocker, huh? Buffy: Actually, yeah. I didn't get the bad guy vibe off of him. Faith: (exasperated) When are you gonna learn, B? It doesn't matter what kind of vibe you get off a person. 'Cause nine times out of ten, the face they're showing you is not the real one. They step up onto the opposite sidewalk. Buffy: (evenly) I guess you know a lot about that. Faith: (stops and faces Buffy) What is that supposed to mean? Buffy: It's just, look at you, Faith. Less than twenty-four hours ago, you k*lled a man. A-and now it's all zip-a-dee-doo-dah? It's not *your* real face, and I know it. Look, I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it, too. Faith: (insolently) Do you? So fill me in 'cause I'd like to hear this. Buffy: Dirty. Like something sick creeped inside you and you can't get it out. And you keep hoping that it was just some nightmare, but it wasn't. And we are gonna have to figure out... Faith: (interrupts) Is there gonna be an intermission in this? Buffy: Just let me talk to Giles, okay? I swear... Faith: No! We're not bringing *anybody* else into this. You gotta keep your head, B. This is all gonna blow over in a few days. Buffy: And if it doesn't? Faith: If it doesn't, (shrugs) they got a freighter leaving the docks at least twice a day. It ain't fancy, but it gets you gone. Buffy: (in disbelief) And that's it? You just live with it? You see the d*ad guy in your head every day for the rest of your life? Faith: (steps closer) Buffy, I'm not gonna *see* anything. I missed the mark last night and I'm sorry about the guy. I really am! But it happens! Anyway, how many people do you think we've saved by now, thousands? And didn't you stop the world from ending? Because in my book, that puts you and me in the plus column. Buffy: We help people! It doesn't mean we can do whatever we want. Faith: Why not? The guy I offed was no Gandhi. I mean, we just saw he was mixed up in dirty dealings. Buffy: Maybe, but what if he was coming to us for help? Faith: What if he was? You're still not seeing the big picture, B. Something made us different. We're warriors. We're built to k*ll. Buffy: To k*ll demons! But it does *not* mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else! Faith: We *are* better! Buffy is taken aback. Faith: (exhilarated) That's right, better. People need us to survive. In the balance, nobody's gonna cry over some random bystander who got caught in the crossfire. Buffy: (sadly) I am. Faith: (disdainfully) Well, that's your loss. She turns her back on Buffy and walks away. Cut to Buffy's house. Her mother sees her coming and meets her at the door. When she opens it, Buffy can see Detective Stein standing behind her. Joyce: Buffy. Buffy looks at him, eyes widening, remembering him from before. Cut to the living room. Joyce sits in an armchair with her feet together and her hands folded in her lap, listening to the detective question her daughter. Buffy sits on the couch across from her. Det. Stein: Tell me again. You got home at what time last night? Buffy: Late. Um, a-a little past 1:00, I guess. The camera pans around Detective Stein as he asks his next question, and when it moves away from his back he's talking with Faith in her room. Det. Stein: Maybe you can explain to me what a girl your age is doing out all night. Faith: (playing dumb) Just hanging. Det. Stein: Hanging. By yourself? Faith: No. I was with my friend Buffy. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: We were at Faith's watching TV. Joyce listens anxiously to them. Det. Stein: What did you watch? Cut to Faith. Faith: Some old movie. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: Infomercial. Cut to Faith. Det. Stein: Hmm. (nods) That's funny 'cause I got a couple of witnesses who put you near the alley. Faith: (innocently) Witnesses? He walks around her, eyeing her suspiciously. Det. Stein: Somebody s*ab this guy through the heart. Cut to Buffy. Det. Stein: Strange thing is, the w*apon, it was made out of wood. Cut to Faith. Det: Stein: Any of this mean anything to you? Faith: (flippantly) Yeah. That whoever did it wasn't hip to the Bronze Age. Detective Stein inhales deeply and sighs. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: Is that it? I'm kinda b*at. Det. Stein: Yeah, I have enough for now. Buffy, if you know something, if you're protecting someone, I promise you it'll be better for everyone if you just come clean. Cut to Faith. Faith: You mean am I covering for someone? Hardly. I'm not the throw- myself-on-the-sword type. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: (politely) I wish I could help you. Det. Stein: Well, call me if you remember anything. Cut to Faith. Detective Stein hands her his card. Cut outside her hotel room. He pulls the door closed, takes out his keys and walks to his car. He opens the door, gets in and starts the engine. In the shadows beyond Angel watches him. Detective Stein puts the car in gear and drives off. Cut to Willow's room. She's at her laptop doing research. She hears a tapping at her French doors, and goes to open them. There she sees Buffy looking in sadly. Buffy: Hey. Willow: Hey. Buffy: I need to talk to you. Willow: Good. (Buffy comes in, closes the door) 'Cause I've been letting things fester. (goes to her bed) And I don't like it. (sits) I wanna be fester-free. Buffy: (smiles weakly) Yeah. Me, too. Willow: (stands up) I mean, don't get me wrong. I-I completely understand why you and Faith have been doing the bonding thing. You guys work together. You... You should get along. Buffy: It's more complicated than that. Willow: But, see, it's that exact thing that-that's just ticking me off! It's this whole 'Slayers only' attitude. I mean, since when wouldn't I understand? You, you talk to me about *everything*. I-it's like all of a sudden I-I'm not cool enough for you because I can't k*ll things with my bare hands. Buffy suddenly bursts into tears. Willow is aghast at this result. Willow: (regretfully) Oh! Oh, Buffy! Don't cry. (hugs her close) I'm sorry. I-I was too hard on you. (lets go) Sometimes I unleash. I-I don't know my own strength. I-i-it's bad. I-I-I'm bad. I'm a bad, bad, bad person. (looks for forgiveness) Buffy: (tearfully) Will, I'm in trouble. Cut to later, after they've calmed down and Buffy's explained. They sit on Willow's bed. Buffy: And Faith acts like she doesn't even care. The way she talks, it's like she didn't even make a mistake. Willow: (takes it all in) Do you think she's, like, i-in shock? Buffy: (sighs) I don't know. And I think that detective knows more than he's saying. I think he knew that I was lying. Willow: (decisively) You have to go to Giles, Buffy. He'll know what to do. Buffy lets out a deep breath, knowing that her friend is right. Cut to the library. Buffy comes in quietly and walks past the counter. Buffy: (troubled) Giles? She stops when she sees him come out of his office. Giles: Buffy. Buffy: Uh... (exhales) I don't really know how to say this, so I'm- I'm... I'm just gonna say it. I know I've kept things from you before, but... Giles turns his head slightly as Faith comes out of his office, too. Faith gives her a steely look, like she expects Buffy to keep things quiet. Buffy: (fumbling) But, um, but I-I've been bl*wing off my classes. You know, in-in the sense of not attending. And, uh... Faith: It's okay, Buffy. I told him. Buffy: (surprised) You told him? Faith: I had to. He had to know what you did. Buffy: (confused) What I did? She realizes that Faith has told Giles a bold-faced lie. Buffy: Giles, no. Tha-That's just not what happened. Giles: (upset) I don't want to hear it, Buffy. Buffy: (shocked) No! It... Giles: I don't want to hear any more lies. Buffy: (frantically to Faith) You can't be serious! You're setting me up? Giles: Get in my office, now. Faith, I'll talk to you in the morning. Buffy: (imploringly) Giles, please, you have to... Giles: (sternly) Now! Buffy can't believe what's happening. Faith walks around Giles. Buffy goes into his office. Faith stops and faces him. Faith: Um... Sorry. She leaves at a brisk pace. Giles looks down for a moment, then goes into his office. Inside Buffy faces him. Buffy: (desperately) Giles, I didn't do this. I swear. Look, I know that I messed up badly, but the m*rder, i-it... it was... Giles: (interrupts) Faith. I know. Stunned, Buffy realizes he was just playing Faith's game. Giles: She may have many talents, Buffy, but fortunately, lying is not one of them. Buffy: Oh. Oh, God. (sits) I thought... Giles: I'm sorry. I needed her to think that I was on her side. I don't know how far she'll take this charade. Buffy: Try far. Like, all the way. Giles: You should have come to me right off. (sits facing her) Buffy: I know. Well, I, I wanted to. Giles: But Faith wouldn't hear of it? Buffy: It's not all her fault, Giles. We both thought it was a vampire. I-I only realized it a second before. Giles: Buffy, this is not the first time something like this has happened. Buffy: (confused) It's not? Giles: The Slayer is on the front line of a nightly w*r. Now, it's, it's tragic, but accidents have happened. Buffy: W-what do you do? Giles: Well, the Council investigates, um, metes out punishment if punishment is due. But I... I have no plans to involve them. I mean, it's the last thing Faith needs at the moment. She's unstable, Buffy. I mean, she's utterly unable to accept responsibility. Buffy: She's freaking. So, so then we just have to help her deal, right? Giles: She's in denial. There *is* no help for her until she admits what happened. Buffy: (uncertainly) I-I could talk to her. Giles: (sighs) Perhaps. Buffy: Or maybe I'm too close. Maybe, maybe one of the guys could. Giles: We should meet. It-it may be that they're seeing a different side of her. Buffy: Okay. Cut to the main area looking into the office. The camera pans past the window. Giles: In the meantime, no one else is to know. Understood? Buffy: Of course. The camera keeps panning until it comes to rest on Wesley, who is standing by the counter, arms crossed and listening grimly. Giles: I mean, this is... extremely delicate. If we scare her off now, we may lose her forever. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Wesley's apartment. He picks up the phone and dials an international number. Wesley: Yes, hello. Mr. Travers, please. Quentin Travers. (listens) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce calling. (listens, confused) The code word? Monkey. (listens, exasperated) M-o-n-k... Just put him on, will you? This is an emergency. Willow: Well, maybe we should all talk to Faith together. Cut to the cafeteria. She, Buffy, Xander and Giles sit among the tables, which have the chairs inverted on them for the night. Buffy: You mean, like that intervention thing that you guys did on me? As I recall, Xander and I nearly came to blows. Xander: Uh, *you* nearly came to blows, Buffy. I nearly came to loss of limbs. Giles: No, Faith is too defensive for a confrontation like that. She'll respond better to a one-on-one approach. Xander: Well, *I* can be the one... on her one. (gets confused looks) Let's rephrase. I think she might listen to me. We kind of have, um, a connection. Buffy: A connection? Why would you think that... Xander: (interrupts) I'm just saying it's worth a sh*t. That's all. Buffy and Willow exchange a look. Giles: No, I don't, I don't see it, Xander. I mean, of, of all of us, you're the one person arguably that Faith has had the least contact with. Xander: Yeah, but we hung out a little... recently, and she seemed to be, um... responsive. Willow picks up on that, and figures it out. She looks sadly off into space. Buffy: When did you guys hang out? Xander: Oh, she was fighting one of those, uh, apocalypse demon things, and I helped her. Gave her a ride home. Buffy: And you guys talked? Xander: (shakes his head) Not extensively. No. Buffy: Then why would you... (figures it out also, widens her eyes with surprise) Oh. Giles: (gets it, surprised) Oh! He and Buffy both look at Willow, concerned. She notices and looks up. Willow: I don't need to say 'oh'. I got it before. They slept together. Buffy is genuinely sorry that she had to hear it like this. Willow looks back off into space. A long silence follows. The tension in the air is very thick. Giles finally breaks it. Giles: Fine, fine, let's, let's, let's move on. Buffy: Alright. Look, I-I know that you mean well, Xander, but, um, I-I just don't see Faith opening up to you. (gently) She doesn't take the guys that she has a... 'connection' with very seriously. And they're, they're kind of a big joke to her. No offense. Xander: (guffaws, sarcastically) Oh, no! I mean, why would I be offended by *that*? Giles: However, i-if you still want to be of assistance, I, I, I need some help with research. There's still the business of the Mayor and Mr. Trick to attend to. Buffy: Yeah, they, they seemed pretty cozy the other night. Giles: Yes. Uh, Willow, c-c-can you, um, access the Mayor's files? Willow: (comes back to Earth) What? Oh, uh, sure. I can try. Giles: (stands up) Good, yes, because clearly we, uh, (picks up his chair) we need to take a harder look at him. (turns it over) He's, he's, um, he's obviously up to something. (sets it on a table) Buffy: What about Faith? Giles: (sighs) I don't know. I need time. Buffy: She needs help now. (Giles looks at her) I owe her that. Cut to the girls' bathroom. The camera pulls in to a stall with its door not quite closed. "Wish We Never Met", by Kathleen Wilhoite, plays over the scene. Lyrics: Disappointment stops by from time to time The sound of sobbing is coming from inside the stall. Cut inside. Willow sits there crying her eyes out. Lyrics: To see how I'm doing / And he came by last night right after you left / My life in ruin Cut to the library. Xander sits on the steps to the stack level, staring off into space and tapping his fingers. Lyrics: When I don't get what I want Cut to Faith's room. She's lying on her bed, idly watching TV. Lyrics: The spoiled child inside breaks down She hears a knock at her door. She rolls off her bed and goes to answer it. It's Xander. Faith: (bored) What? Xander: (awkwardly) I just, uh, came by to see how you are, actually. Faith: (with hostility) I'm sick of people asking me that, for one thing. A long moment of silence ensues. Xander: Can I come in? Just to talk. I promise. Faith: (skeptical) Like you could make something happen if I didn't want it to? Xander: Hey, yeah. Got me there. Pretty much not gonna try to... take you under any circumstances. (holds out his arm) See, here, feel that. (points to his biceps) Probably like a wet noodle to you, huh? Faith: (steps aside) Five minutes. Xander: That's all I need. (comes in) For talking and conversation. (Faith closes the door) I'm, um, quick as a bunny. Faith: (turns off the TV) Clock is running. Xander: It's just, uh... I heard about what happened, and I thought you might need a friend. Faith: So then, go talk to Buffy. She's the one who k*lled a guy. Xander: Yeah. I heard that version. Faith: (not amused) Version? Xander: (sighs) Either way, i-it sounds like it was an accident, and that's the important part. Faith: (angrily) No, the important part is that Buffy is the (makes finger quotes) accidental m*rder. Xander: Faith, you may not think so, but I sort of know you. And I've seen you post-battle. And I know firsthand that you're, um... like a wild thing. And half the time, you don't know what you're doing. Faith: (snidely) And you're living proof of that, aren't you? Xander: See, you're trying to hurt me. But right now, you need someone on your side. What happened wasn't your fault. And I'm willing to testify to that in court if you need me. Faith: You'd dig that, wouldn't you? (gives him a sexy look) To get up in front of all your geek pals and go on record about how I made you my boy toy for a night. Xander: No. N-n-n-n-no, that's not it. Faith: *I* know what this is all about. (steps closer) You just came by here (runs her fingertips all around his face) 'cause you want another taste, don't you? Xander: No! I mean, it was nice. It was great. It was kind of a blur. But, okay, some day, sure, yay, but not now. Not like this. Faith: (grabs hold of his head) More like how then? Lights on or off? Kinks or vanilla? Xander: (jerks away) Faith, come on. I came here to help you. (looks her in the eyes) I thought we had a connection. Faith can't help but think that's funny and laughs at his gullibility. She grabs him by his shirt front, shoves him onto the bed and jumps on top of him. Faith: (excitedly) You wanna feel a connection? It's just skin. (opens his shirt) I see... I want... I take. (kisses him hard) I forget. She keeps moving above him and rubbing his chest and shoulders. Xander: (nervously) No. No, wait. It was more than that. Faith: I could do anything to you right now, and you want me to. I can make you scream. She licks her tongue over and around his face and returns to his lips, and kisses him forcefully, seizing his lower lip between her teeth and pulling at it. Faith: (breathlessly) I could make you die. She kisses him again and gets her hand around his neck. When she pulls away from his lips, he's choking. She kisses him once more, and then rises above him, never letting up on her chokehold. Xander reaches up with one hand to try to push her away and tries to pry her hand from his neck with his other hand, but doesn't have anywhere near the strength necessary to do so. Faith has both hands tight around his neck now, and squeezes hard. He begins to lose consciousness. A few moments more and he's passed out. Faith hears a noise behind her and looks over just in time to be knocked unconscious by Angel. Cut to Angel's mansion. Faith is chained to the fireplace mantle. She rubs her wrists. Faith: Finally decided to tie me up, huh? I always knew you weren't really a one-Slayer guy. Angel: (plays with a bat) I'm sorry about the chains. It's not that I don't trust you... Actually, it *is* that I don't trust you. (sets the bat aside) Faith: The thing with Xander; I know what it looked like, but we were just playing. Angel: (evenly) And he forgot the safety word. (gets up) Is that it? (walks over to her) Faith: Safety words are for wusses. Angel: (crouches before her) I bet you're not big on trust games, now, are you, Faith? Faith: You gonna shrink me now? Is that it? Angel: No, I just wanna talk to you. Faith: That's what they all say. And then it's just, 'Lemme stay the night. Won't try anything.' Angel: You wanna go the long way around, hey, I can do that. (stands up) I'm not getting any older. He turns his back on her and walks out into the atrium. Buffy waits there, and stands up when she sees him. Buffy: How's she doing? Angel: It's like talking to a wall. Only you get more from a wall. Buffy: But you'll keep trying, right? Angel: Sure. We're just getting started. Buffy: So, what do I do? Angel: Look, right now, there's nothing that you can do. Buffy: Well, this could take awhile, right? (goes to the stairs) So, I'll just go to Faith's and I'll get some of her stuff. That way she'll see that we're on her side. Angel: That's a good idea. Buffy: Okay. (glances at Faith) I'll be back. Angel: Look, I... I don't want you to get your hopes up, Buffy. She may not want us to help her. Buffy: She does. She just doesn't know how to say it. Angel: She k*lled a man. That changes everything for her. Buffy: (shakes her head) Giles said with counseling, they might not even need to lock her up. Angel: That's not what I mean. She's taken a life. Buffy: I know. Angel: She's got a taste for it now. Cut to the Mayor's office. He and Trick are reviewing a security camera tape. On it they see Buffy and Faith enter Allan's office. Mayor Wilkins: Not one Slayer, but two. Right here in the building. Trick: There was supposed to be a guard. Mayor Wilkins: Sh. Here comes my favorite part. (they see them hide in Allan's office) Where the Slayers see us in the hall together, thick as thieves. Oh, wait, we are thieves. And worse. And now they know it. Trick: Well, they're not gonna be much of a thr*at in jail. Mayor Wilkins: Well, we don't have near enough evidence to put 'em away. On the tape he and Trick walk out of the building. Mayor Wilkins: No, you're gonna have to come up with a more *efficient* solution. And Mr. Trick, you better think of it soon. They watch the tape where the two Slayers leave the office after they've gone. Cut to Angel's mansion. He paces past Faith. Angel: I know what's goin' on with you. Faith: Join the club. Everybody seems to have a theory. Angel: Hmm. (faces her) But I know what it's like to take a life. To feel a future, a world of possibilities, snuffed out by your own hand. I know the power in it. The exhilaration. It was like a drug for me. Faith: (looks up at him, sarcastically) Yeah? Sounds like you need some help. A professional maybe. Angel: Hmm. (goes to the coffee table) A professional couldn't have helped me. (sits on it) It stopped when I got my soul back. My human heart. Faith: Goody for you. If we're gonna party, let's get on with it. (holds out her wrists) Otherwise, could you let me out of these things? Angel: Faith, you have a choice. You've tasted something few ever do. (stands up, paces) I mean, to k*ll without remorse is to feel like a god. Faith: (struggles angrily) Right now, all I feel is a cramp in my wrist, (yanks at the chains impatiently) so let me go! Angel: (crouches) But you're not a god. You're not much more than a child. Going down this path will ruin you. You can't imagine the price for true evil. Faith: Yeah? (sneering) I hope evil takes MasterCard. Angel: (smiles) You and me, Faith, (straightens up) we're a lot alike. Time was, I thought humans existed just to hurt each other. (sits next to her) But then I came here. And I found out that there are other types of people. People who genuinely wanted to do right. (looks at her) And they make mistakes. And they fall down. You know, but they keep caring. Keep trying. If you can trust us, Faith, this can all change. You don't have to disappear into the darkness. Suddenly there is a loud pounding on the door. It is broken in, and Wesley strides straight toward them, holding a large cross and flanked by three others. Angel rushes to head them off, but has to step back from Wesley, who nervously holds the cross in his face. One of his cronies blindsides Angel with a right hook, and he falls to the floor. Another quickly throws a net over him, and the third starts to b*at him with a crowbar while the others tie Angel up. Wesley goes over to Faith and removes the shackles from her wrists. While she rubs them and watches Angel get whaled on, Wesley pulls out a set of heavy cuffs and chains, and before she knows it her wrists are bound once again. Faith: (confused) What? Wesley: By the order of the Watcher's Council of Britain... (lifts her up) I am exercising my authority and removing you to England, (guides her out) where you will accept the judgment of the disciplinary committee. One of the men helps hold Faith, and they all leave the mansion, leaving Angel behind entangled in a mass of net and rope. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The streets of Sunnydale. A stepvan drives down a boulevard. Cut inside. Faith is chained to a bench on one side. Wesley and one of his men sit on the bench opposite her. Wesley: I'm sorry for the extreme measures. Unfortunately, this is a rather extreme circumstance. Faith: Whatever. Wesley: Please believe nobody is rushing to judgment. The first priority of both myself and the Council is to help you. Faith pulls at the ring holding her to the bench. Wesley: Ah, now, none of that. (to his crony) Tighten her restraints. Faith, there's no point in fighting this. Faith kicks the man in the knee, and he falls to the floor. She presses down on his face with her boot. Faith: Have to disagree with you on that one. Now unlock these or I'll pop this guy's head like a grape. Wesley hesitates, then spies a wrench on the floor. Faith sees it, too. Faith: Don't even think about it. She holds up her cuffed wrists for him to unlock. He gives in, stands up, pulls the keys from his pocket and steps over to set her free. Wesley: Faith, you can't keep running. She punches him hard in the jaw, and he falls onto the wrench. He grabs it and tries to swing at her with it, but she grabs his wrist. Faith: Wrong again, Wes. She grabs his jacket with her other hand and headbutts him hard. He falls down unconscious. She goes to the doors, kicks them open and jumps out onto the street. She rolls a few times before coming to a stop and watches the van drive away. She looks around to get her bearings and makes her getaway. Cut to Angel's mansion. Buffy arrives with some of Faith's things. Once inside she notices that Faith is gone, and then sees Angel still struggling to get out of the ropes. She rushes over to help him out. Cut to the library. Giles, Willow and Xander are all there with Buffy and Angel. Angel: It was the new Watcher. He had a couple of guys helping him. Willow: Then he figured it out? Giles: Which means that Faith will be soon on her way back to England to face the Watcher's Council. Buffy: And then what? Giles: Most likely they'll lock her away for a good long while. Buffy: So we head them off at the airport and stop them. Willow: Can I... I-I'm just wondering. Why? (gets a look from Buffy) I'm not the most objective, I know. I kind of have an issue with Faith sharing my people. (looks at Xander, who closes his eyes) But she m*rder someone and accused Buffy. Then she hurt Xander. I hate to say it, but maybe she belongs behind bars. Giles thinks about that. Buffy: She's out of control, I know. But Angel was getting somewhere with her. She was opening up. If we could just stop Wesley. Wesley walks into the library. Wesley: That's no longer an issue. Giles: You let her get away? Wesley: 'Let' wouldn't be the way I'd phrase it, but... Yes, she escaped. Giles rolls his eyes and takes off his glasses. Angel: That's good work. (walks across the room) First, you terrorize her, then you put her back in the streets. (sits on the table) Wesley: That was hardly my plan. I was trying to save her. Buffy: (accusingly) But you didn't! You probably destroyed her. Giles: (interrupts quietly) Buffy, that's enough. (puts his glasses back on) Buffy: I better find her before she does any more damage. (stands up) We're gonna need to split up. I'll check the docks. That's probably where she is. Giles, why don't you go to her motel? Xander, Willow, her haunts and be careful. They all get up to leave. Angel: I'll try the airport. (goes) Everyone walks past Wesley on their way out. Wesley: What can I do? I want to help. Buffy: (resentfully) You still got your ticket back to the mother country? She follows the others out, leaving him standing there alone. Cut to the docks. The camera closes in on an old, rusty cargo ship and across to the dock. Buffy walks along it watching for Faith. She passes underneath the gangplank and stops when she hears Faith behind her. Faith: You don't give up, do you? She's on the ship at the top of the gangplank. Buffy: Not on my friends, no. Faith: Yeah, because you and me are such solid buds, right? (walks down the gangplank) Buffy: We could be. It's not too late. Faith: (disgusted) For me to change and be more like you, you mean? Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes? (stops halfway, leans on the railing) It ain't gonna happen, B. Buffy: Faith, nobody is asking you to be like me, but you can't go on like this. Faith: (grins evilly) Scares you, doesn't it? She climbs over the railing and hops down to the dock. Buffy: Yeah, it scares me. Faith, you're hurting people. You're hurting yourself. Faith: (approaches Buffy) But that's not it. That's not what bothers you so much. What bugs you is you know I'm right. You know in your gut we don't need the law. We *are* the law. Buffy: No. She turns her back and walks away. Faith follows right behind. Faith: Yes. You know exactly what I'm about 'cause you have it in you, too. Buffy: No, Faith, you're sick. Faith: I've seen it, B. You've got the lust. And I'm not just talking about screwing vampires. Buffy stops in her tracks. Buffy: Don't you *dare* bring him into this. Faith: (taunting her) It was good, wasn't it? The sex? The danger? Bet a part of you even dug him when he went psycho. Buffy: No! (continues walking) Faith: (follows) See, you need me to toe the line because you're afraid you'll go over it, aren't you, B? You can't handle watching me living my own way, having a blast, because it tempts you! You know it could be you! Buffy has had enough. She stops, faces her and backhand punches her in the jaw. Faith comes up smiling wickedly. Faith: There's my girl. Buffy: (tries to get away) No. I'm not gonna do this. Faith: (doesn't let her go) Why not? It feels good. Blood rising. Buffy hears a noise above, looks up and notices a palette of crates above them, falling directly at Faith. She shoves her out of the way, but gets struck herself and goes down. She is dazed, but not out. Faith gets up and goes to help Buffy, when Mr. Trick and three other vampires suddenly att*ck. Faith spins around when she hears them roar, but is soundly punched in the face by Trick, forcing her body to snap to the side. He and another one grab her by her jacket and throw her to the ground. As Faith tries to get to her feet, the second vampire roundhouse kicks her in the face. She blocks it and drops a bit, but manages to get up and block an uppercut from the third one by grabbing his hand. She backhand punches him in the face, making him step back to keep his balance, and turns to face the second vampire. She high blocks a wide swing from him and punches him, making him fall, but the third one behind her flat hands her in the back and she stumbles. Buffy starts to come out of her daze. Buffy: (whispers) Oh, God... The third vampire holds Faith with her arms behind her back. She tries to get free by snapping her heel backwards and striking his kneecap. That has no effect, so she snaps her head back and butts him d*ad in the nose, but the vamp still doesn't let go of her. The second vampire launches into a half spinning hook kick intended for Faith, but she ducks it and the demon holding her takes the blow, lets go of her and goes down. Faith flies into full spinning, jumping out-to-in crescent kick, hitting the second vampire hard in the face and sending him spinning to the ground. The first vampire runs at her, but she sidesteps him and shoves him into the third, who was just getting up. He isn't knocked down, though, and comes at her. She grabs him and pulls him with her toward the water, and throws him off the dock. Buffy is out of her daze now, and with difficulty pulls her legs out from under the pallet of crates that fell on her. She gets to her feet, but is immediately punched by Mr. Trick. She falls spinning onto the crates and rolls off onto the concrete. She gets to her feet as Trick approaches and tries to backhand punch him, but he middle blocks it, so she punches him in the gut instead. Her jab is weak, though, and has no effect on him. Trick does a painful right hook to her face. Buffy stumbles backward. Trick advances and swings again, this time snapping her head back with a powerful uppercut, making her fall onto another pile of crates. Faith does a half-spinning hook kick, connecting with the second vampire's jaw. He falls onto an open barrel and struggles not to fall in. The first one comes at her again, but she has her stake out now and jams it home. He explodes into ashes. She looks over and sees Buffy struggling with Mr. Trick. He wraps a cord around her neck and begins to choke her. But Faith isn't finished with her fight yet. The second vampire throws off the barrel, only to become intimate with her stake and burst into ashes. Faith sees Trick yank at the cord around Buffy's neck and pull her off of the crates. He pulls her up and swings her around into a pallet leaning against still more crates. She hits it hard and falls to the pavement. Faith looks around, trying to decide what to do. She sees Trick pick Buffy up again and slam her against the huge crates. Buffy struggles to get loose, but the cord around her neck is too tight. Trick: I hear once you've tasted a Slayer, you never wanna go back. He opens his fang-filled mouth wide and moves in for the bite. Buffy struggles to keep him away, but can't. Suddenly Mr. Trick stops and looks up in wide-eyed shock. Trick: Oh, no. (shakes his head) No, this is no good at all. He begins to fall and explodes into ashes as Faith pulls her stake back. The two Slayers look at each other uncertainly for a long while. Faith lowers her stake. Buffy massages her neck. Cut to the library. Buffy sits at the table while Giles pours her some coffee from his thermos. Giles: So she saved you. (walks slowly around the table) Buffy: She could have left me there to die, Giles, but she didn't. Giles: She opted to come back to town with you. That... That bodes well. (sits) She still has a lot to face before she can put this behind her. Buffy: I'm not gonna give up on her. Giles: (pours himself a cup) Then I think she stands a chance. Cut to the Mayor's office. He pulls on his overcoat, getting ready to leave for the night. He looks down at his desk and adjusts the angle of the penholder, gives a satisfied nod, picks up his briefcase and heads for the door. When he opens it he is surprised to see Faith standing there, arms crossed. Faith: (accusingly) You sent your boy to k*ll me. Mayor Wilkins: (unfazed) That's right, I did. Faith: He's dust. Mayor Wilkins: I thought he might be. What with you standing here and all. Faith: (steps brazenly into the doorway) I guess that means you have a job opening. The Mayor steps back to let her enter and closes the door.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x15 - Consequences"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ A dark chapel. Dozens of candles on several tall iron candleholders are standing around the chamber. An altar stands at one end. Upon it sits the high demon D'Hoffryn. Kneeling before him on a small rug is Anya, she who was Anyanka, once demon but now doomed to be mortal, pleading her case. D'Hoffryn: (resolutely) Do not ask again. Anya: (shocked) But... But I... D'Hoffryn: (sternly interrupts) Your powers were a gift of the lower beings. You have proved unworthy of them. Anya: I was robbed of them. D'Hoffryn: By your carelessness. Anya: (dramatically) For a thousand years I wielded the powers of The Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. (disgustedly) And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. (despondently) Mortal. Child. And I'm flunking math. D'Hoffryn: (dismissingly) This is no concern of ours. You will live out your mortal life and die. Anya: (pleadingly) Give me another chance. You can fold the fabric of time. Send me back to that place and I'll change it. I won't fail again. D'Hoffryn: Your time is passed. Anya: (desperately) Do you have any idea how boring twelfth graders are? (stands up) I'm getting my power center back. (defiantly) And if you won't help me, then, by the pestilent gods, I will find someone who will! Cut to Sunnydale High. Willow is lying on a grassy area, concentrating hard. Soon a pencil floats up into view and starts to slowly turn end over end. Willow smiles at her successful levitation. Beside her, Buffy does sit-ups. Buffy: The Watcher Council shrink is heavy into tests. He's got tests for everything. T.A.T.s, Rorschach, associative logic... (grunts and sits up) He even has that test to see if you're crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or you ever wanted to be a florist. Willow: (looks over at Buffy) Ooo, I used to want... (reconsiders) Wait. Florist means crazy, right? (turns back to her pencil) I never wanted to do that. Buffy does some stretching exercises while she watches the pencil as well. Buffy: (smiles, impressed) Neat. Willow: (grins) Thanks. It's all about emotional control. Plus, obviously, magic. (looks at Buffy, giddily) Hey, you wanna go to the Espresso Pump and get sugared up on mochas? Buffy: I'm gonna pass. h*t the pool and do some laps. Willow: (bewildered) How come the sudden calisthenics? Aren't you sort of naturally buff, Buff? (smiles and giggles) Buff buff. Buffy: Well, they've got us running around on the physical side, too. A lot of reflex evaluation and precision training, you know. I-I just... Well, I-I wanna do... Willow: (smiles knowingly) Better than Faith? Buffy: (embarrassed) So very shallow. Willow: (sits up) Competition is natural and healthy. Plus, you'll definitely ace her on the psych tests. Just don't mark the box that says, 'I sometimes like to k*ll people.' Buffy: (ruefully) I know Faith's not gonna be on the cover of Sanity Fair, but... she had it rough. Different circumstances, that could be me. Willow: (shakes her head) No way. Some people just don't have that in them. Buffy: (apologetically) Look, I'm sorry. I-I know how you hate talking about Faith. Willow: No, it's okay. Buffy: No, really, we should just... (glances at the pencil) Willow: No. I-it doesn't bother me. I mean it. Buffy: (notices the pencil) Uh, Will? Willow: (looks at it) Oh. The pencil is spinning wildly. An instant later it darts off and buries itself deeply into a tree. Willow gives Buffy a concerned look. Buffy: Emotional control? Willow: (abashed) I'm working on it. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. Cut to Principal Snyder's office. He stands at the door, hands in pockets, looking with great satisfaction at Willow and Percy West, who are seated facing his desk. Snyder: As far as I'm concerned, this is a marriage made in heaven. (takes off his jacket) Willow Rosenberg, despite her unsavory associations, (hangs it on the coat rack) represents the pinnacle of academic achievement at Sunnydale High. (strolls up to them) Percy West represents a devastating fast break (puts his hand on Percy's shoulder) and 50% from behind the three-point line. (goes around his desk to his chair) Willow: (confused) I-I'm not sure I understand the marriage part. (glances at Percy) Snyder: (indicates Willow) You've got the brains, (indicates Percy) he's got the fast break. (brings his hands together) It's a perfect match. Willow: (very confused) Match? (double-takes at Percy) You want us to breed? Snyder: I want you to tutor him. (sits) Percy is flunking history. Nothing seems to be able to motivate him. Percy: (flippantly) Hey, I'm *challenged*. Snyder: (raises his eyebrows) You're lazy, self-involved and spoiled. That's quite the challenge. But we need a winning year, especially after last year's debacle with the swim team. Can't have our point guard benched. (to Willow) So, you're gonna take on a little teaching job. (encouragingly) I know how you enjoy teaching. Willow: (makes feeble excuses) Well, I have a lot of work of my own. Snyder: You've got a letter of acceptance from every university with a stamp. Willow: Y-yes, but I still have classes and I don't... Snyder: (interrupts) Rosenberg, it's time to give something back to the community. (stands up) I know you wanna help your school out here. Ask me how I know. Willow: (obediently) How do you...? Snyder: (interrupts, glares ominously) I just... know. Cut to the library. Willow and Buffy push the doors open and walk in. Buffy: So he thr*at you? With what? Willow: Well, i-it wasn't exactly anything he said. It was all in his eyes. I mean, there was some nostril work as well, but mostly eyes. Buffy: Snyder needs me to kick his ass. Willow: Oh, no, Buffy, don't get in trouble. I'll be okay. They reach the study table. Willow sets down her books, Buffy sits on it. Willow: I just hate the way he bullies people. He just assumes everyone's time is his. She lifts her bag from her shoulder and sets it down also as Giles comes out of his office sucking on a lollipop. Giles: Willow, get on the computer. I want you to take another pass at accessing the Mayor's files. Willow: (happily) Okay. She heads behind the counter to use the computer there. Faith comes into the library followed by an out-of-breath Wesley. Faith: (sarcastically) Well, that was a blast. Giles: How did it go? Faith: (points at Wesley behind her) Princess Margaret here had a little trouble keeping up. Wesley makes it to the counter and leans heavily against it. Buffy raises her eyebrows at the sight. Giles: (to Wesley) How did it go? Wesley: (panting heavily) Faith, uh... (pants) did quite well on the obstacle field. (pants) Still a little sloppy, though. Faith sh**t him an incredulous look. Giles: Do you feel up to, uh, taking Buffy out, or shall I? Wesley: (pants) Oh, no, no, no. (pants) I'll be fine. (pants) Just give me a minute. (pants) And some defibrillators, if it's (pants) not too much trouble. Faith: You're gonna love it, B. It's just like fun, only boring. (grimaces) Giles: (sternly) Faith, this evaluation is a necessary part of the Council's... Faith: (apologetically) I know. I'm on board here. Just sh**ting my mouth off. Buffy: I better change. She starts to walk out. As she passes by, Faith leans toward her. Faith: Good luck. She reaches out, lightly brushes Buffy's shoulder with her hand and gives her a little smile. Buffy returns the smile weakly and continues out. Wesley takes a deep breath and follows her. Faith notices Willow at the computer and hops up on the counter to sit and watch. Faith: What cha doin'? Willow: (trying to concentrate) I'm trying to access the Mayor's personal files. Faith: (surprised) Can you do that? Willow: Well, he's got some tricky barriers set up. Faith: (warily) Can you get past 'em? Willow: (stubbornly) Eventually I'll get through. Faith watches intently as Willow continues her hacking. Cut to a spacious new studio apartment. Mayor Wilkins considers Faith's report. Mayor Wilkins: (musingly) That's very interesting. Faith: Yeah, I thought so, too. (looks around) Are you serious about this place? (continues exploring) Mayor Wilkins: Of course I am. No Slayer of *mine* is gonna live in a fleabag hotel. That place has a very unsavory reputation. There are immoral liaisons going on there. Faith: (checks out the kitchen) Yeah, plus all the screwing. This place is the kick! She walks past a leather punching bag hanging in a corner and continues into the sleeping area. Mayor Wilkins: We'll keep your old place, in case you need to see your friends there, but from now on... Faith jumps up on the bed and bounces. Mayor Wilkins: (appalled) Oh, hey, hey, hey! Shoes! Shoes! Faith hops off of the bed and goes up to the Mayor. Faith: (smiling sultrily) Thanks, Sugar Daddy. Mayor Wilkins: (admonishingly) Now, Faith, I don't find that sort of thing amusing. I'm a family man. He steps aside to let Faith continue looking around. Mayor Wilkins: (briskly) Now, let's k*ll your little friend. Faith gives him an uneasy look. Mayor Wilkins: (reassuringly) Don't worry. I wouldn't ask you to do it. Not this early in the relationship. (Faith sits, doubtfully considers) Besides, I think a vampire att*ck would be less suspicious anyway. In the meantime, let's take a look at the rest of the apartment, huh? (Faith stands up again) If I'm not mistaken, some lucky girl has herself a PlayStation. Faith: (grins broadly) No way. Mayor Wilkins: (grins back proudly) Yes way! (chuckles happily) Faith heads over to the TV to check it out. Cut to the halls at Sunnydale High. Oz finds Willow as she walks along. Oz: Hey! Willow: Oz! Hi! They smile at each other and move closer to hug. Oz: There's something about you that's causing me to hug you. (teasingly) It's like I have no will of my own. They move apart. Willow has a huge smile on her face. Willow: Where were you yesterday? They start walking, holding hands. Oz: Mm... We got back late, sort of very. Willow: (perplexed) We? Who? Where? Oz: The band. We had a gig in Monterey Sunday night. They stop by a classroom. Willow: (distressed) Oh, you did? How come I didn't know? Oz: (surprised) I thought you did. Willow: (hurt) Maybe I would have liked to go. Oz: Didn't figure you for missing school. Willow: (disappointed) You think I'm boring. Oz: I'd call that a radical interpretation of the text. We're playing tonight at the Bronze. Willow: (apologetically) I can't. I have too much homework. Oz: (invitingly) If you get done early... He steps toward the classroom. Their hands don't part until necessary. Cut to the quad. Percy comes up the stairs from the underpass below the administrative offices. Willow catches up with him. He just continues walking, completely disinterested. Willow: Percy! Hey. Listen, I thought we could get together today at lunch and go over your Roosevelt paper. You know, what books you'll need and stuff. Percy: (purposely obtuse) What are you talking about? Willow: Me tutoring you. Your, your history paper? Percy: Oh, yeah, yeah. Snyder said *you* were gonna do it. Willow: (surprised) He never said that. Percy: (gives her an obnoxious look) What meeting were *you* at? Willow: Look, I-I'll get the books you need. Just meet me at lunch and... Percy: (interrupts) No, no, no. I don't have any time at lunch. I gotta hang out. Willow: Well... Percy: (stops and faces her, impatiently) What, what, you got something better to do? Just type it up and put my name on it. Oh, and don't type too good. d*ad giveaway. (leaves) Willow can't believe his attitude and sinks down on one of the benches dejectedly. She takes off her pack, reaches in and pulls out a banana. Willow: (with resolve) I'm eating this now. (daringly) It's not lunchtime, I don't even care. Before she can begin peeling it, Buffy and Xander walk up to her. Buffy: Hey. Xander: Willow, did you remember to tape Biography last Friday? Willow: (absently) Uh-huh. (struggles with the banana) Buffy: (to Xander, proudly) See, I told you. Old Reliable. Xander nods and smiles. Willow is not amused. Willow: (sourly) Oh, thanks. Buffy: (taken aback) What? Willow: 'Old Reliable'? Yeah, great. (reprovingly) *There's* a sexy nickname. Buffy: Well, I-I didn't mean it as... Willow: No, it's fine. I'm 'Old Reliable'. Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals. Willow: (disgustedly) That's Old Faithful. Xander: Isn't that the dog that, that the guy had to sh**t... Willow: (incensed) That's Old Yeller. Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me. Will, I-I didn't mean it as a bad thing. I-I think it's good to be reliable. Willow: (stands up, annoyed) Well, maybe I don't *wanna* be reliable all the time. Maybe I'm not just some doormat person. Homework Gal. Xander: I'm thinking nerve strike. Willow huffs at him and starts to go, but turns back. Willow: Maybe I'll change my look! Or cut class. You don't know. Buffy and Xander just give her surprised looks. Willow: (holds up her banana defiantly) And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned! (strides off) Buffy: (goes after her) Will, wait. I'm really sorry... Willow: (interrupts, chiding gently) Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me. Buffy: (chastened) Oh. Willow goes on her way. Buffy looks back sadly at Xander. Cut to the halls. Willow starts trudging up the stairs. Anya notices her. Anya: Uh, Willow? Willow: (turns around) Uh, hi. (doesn't recognize) Anya: (gestures at herself) Anya. (smiles) I'm sort of new here. (hopefully) Um, I know Cordelia? Willow: (smiles thinly) Oh, fun. Anya: Yeah. Um, listen, (steps up closer to her) I have this little project I'm working on, and I heard you were the person to ask if... Willow: (interrupts, ironically) Yeah, that's me. Reliable-Dog-Geyser Person. What do you need? Anya: Oh, it's nothing big. (secretively) Just a little spell I'm working on. (shrugs) Willow: (suddenly interested, steps down to her) A spell? (nonchalantly) Oh. I like the black arts. Anya: I just need a secondary to create a temporal fold. I heard you were a pretty powerful wicca, so... (shrugs again) Willow: (smiles excitedly) You heard right, mister! I-I-I'm always ready to work some dark mojo. (hopefully) So, tell me, is it dangerous? Anya: (dismissively) Oh, no. (shakes her head) Willow: (disappointed) Well, could we pretend it is? Cut to an empty classroom after school. The camera pulls back from a large white plate with a representation of Anya's lost necklace painted on it. Willow kneels facing it, arranging herbs, bones and candles. Anya sits at a desk and prepares a mixture of sands and powders. Anya: The necklace was a family heirloom passed down for generations. Then it was stolen from my mom's apartment. Willow: How does the spell work? Anya: (gets up) Uh, well, we both call on Eryishon, (kneels opposite Willow) the Endless One, offer up the standard supplication, then there's a teensy temporal fold. (smiles weakly) We hope. Um, then I pour the sacred sand on the representation of the necklace, and Eryishon brings it forth from the time and place it was lost. Willow: (smiles) Cool. Anya: Are we ready? Willow: (slightly nervous) I think so. Anya takes a deep breath and holds her hand out palm up over the plate. Anya: Eryishon. K'shala. Meh-uhn. Willow also reaches out with her hand palm up, keeping hers tip-to-tip with Anya's. Willow: Diprecht. Doh-tehenlo nu-Eryishon. Anya picks up the bottle of sacred sand and holds it over the plate. Anya: The child to the mother. Willow takes hold of the bottle as well. Willow: The river to the sea. Anya: (closes her eyes) Eryishon, hear my prayer. Willow closes her eyes also. There is a low rumbling, and a pillar of energy appears over the plate and around the girls' hands. Their hands begin to shake, and Willow whips open her eyes, surprised by how powerful this spell actually is. She sees scenes from an alternate universe: Anyanka choking Giles, licking her fingers, herself and Xander as vampires, Anyanka's necklace, Buffy staking Xander, herself as a vampire, herself impaled on the broken wood of the cage, Anyanka's necklace smashed, her vampire self attacking Buffy and getting backhand punched, the Master watching, herself falling to the floor, being grabbed by Larry, sitting alone in an empty factory without the machine, Oz coming for her, the Master grabbing Buffy. In the classroom Anya turns over the bottle of sand, and it pours out. Some of it sifts through Willow's fingers before hitting the plate. More visions follow: Angel letting the imprisoned humans out, herself fighting one, Oz still coming for her, reaching out to grab her... Suddenly she disappears from the scene. Willow flashes back to the classroom, where she has a wide-eyed look of surprise and shock on her face. The pillar of energy fades, and she pulls back her hands, breathing hard. Willow: That was... W-w-what was that? (slowly stands up) Anya: (feels for her necklace in the sands) Oh, it's not here. (pounds the floor, frustrated) It's not here! Willow: (composes herself) Okay, that's a little blacker than I like my arts. Anya: (exasperated) Oh, don't be such a wimp. Willow: (very uneasy) That, that-that wasn't just some temporal fold, that was some weird Hell place. I-I don't think you're telling me everything. Anya: (tersely insistent) I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace. Willow: (indignantly) Well, did you try looking inside the sofa *in Hell*? Anya: Look, (smiles sweetly) we'll just try it again, and... Willow: (steps back) No! I-I think emphatically not! Anya: (angrily) I can't do it by myself! Willow: (gathers her things) That's a relief. I'm outta here. Anya: (furiously) Fine! Go! (mutters to herself) Idiot child. Willow overhears that, and doesn't appreciate it. Willow: (reaches down, haughtily) I believe these chicken feet are mine. Look, m-magic is dangerous, Anya, i-it's, it's not to be toyed with. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have someone else's homework to do. She leaves the room. Anya looks down at the plate, frustrated, then picks it up. Anya: (anguished) Nothing! (smashes it) Cut to the factory. It's empty except for a lot of small debris. Evil Willow jerks up from the floor and looks around, shocked to suddenly find that the Master, his machine, the humans, the vampires, everything is gone. Evil Willow: This is weird. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Cut to the street in front of the Sun Cinema. "Hotel" and "The Goose Ran" are the featured films. The camera pans down from the sign to several children running along the sidewalk and comes up on Evil Willow. She's standing in the street, disoriented and confused by everything she sees around her. There are so many people and children boldly walking and running around at night without a care in the world. To her it's all strange. Very strange. These people should be cowering in their homes, not out enjoying themselves. As she walks along the yellow centerline, some people walk by her, crossing the street from the theater to the Espresso Pump, coming within reaching distance, blissfully unaware of who she is. No one fears her. No one even notices her. Behind her she hears a girl screaming and turns to look, but the girl is just resisting some teasing from her boyfriend, not shaking in fear of a vampire. An old woman approaches her, not even put off by her full leather attire. Old woman: E-e-excuse me, young lady... Evil Willow faces her and snarls. The lady is frightened, and she backs away shaken, but she's not terrified as Evil Willow would have expected, probably assuming she was just another punk. She rolls her eyes and continues. Cut to the Bronze. k's Choice is on stage performing "Virgin State of Mind", a slow bluesy number, while several couples slow dance to it. Lyrics: There's a chair in my head on which I used to sit / Took a pencil and I wrote the following on it / Now there's a key where my wonderful mouth / Used to be Evil Willow enters and looks around. The place is calm, especially compared to what she's used to. People are hanging out, chatting, drinking, playing pool. Only a few eyes notice her in her black leather. Lyrics: Dig it up, throw it at me / Dig it up, throw it at me Evil Willow stops by a pool table and looks forlornly all around, taking in the situation. Lyrics: Where can I run to / Where can I hide / Who will I turn to / Now I'm in the virgin state of mind A guy in a leather jacket can't help but notice Evil Willow as she walks around him, staring appraisingly at him with her evil scowl. She just keeps going. He doesn't want anything to do with her. Lyrics: Got a Kn*fe to disengage the voids that I can't bear / Cut out words I've got written on my chair / Like, do you think I'm sexy / And do you think I really care Evil Willow begins to get depressed about how things suddenly are. She doesn't watch where she's going, and neither does Percy, who bumps into her. Percy: Hey! (recognizes her, surprised, then amused) Rosenberg? What are you doing, trick-or-treating? (points at her) You're supposed to be at home doing my history report. I flunk that class, you're in big trouble with Snyder. (smugly) Till we graduate, I own your ass. She raises her eyes and looks at him with weary amusement. Evil Willow: Bored now. She shoves the heel of her hand squarely into his chest, sending him flying onto a pool table. He lands hard on his back, and his momentum forces him into a back roll off of it. Several guys around them are shocked. Guy#1: Whoa, whoa, whoa, man! Guy#2: Hey! Guy#1: What's up with *that*, man? Guy#3: What the heck? Evil Willow now has the attention of the crowd as she slowly goes over to Percy. Evil Willow: (pensively) I'm having a terrible night. She reaches down and lifts Percy up from the floor by his throat, digging her fingertips into his flesh and choking him. Evil Willow: (expectantly) Wanna make it better? Percy tries to punch her, but she idly blocks him and looks up into his eyes, sadly at first but then with a wide grin when Percy can't pull her hand off. He clutches her neck with his other hand and tries to choke her. Some guys in the background make fun of Percy, unaware of the seriousness of his situation. Guy#4: Check it out! Xander comes up behind him, eager to get in on the fun. Xander: What's going on? Is there a funny thing? The guys laughingly point over at Evil Willow and Percy, who have both hands around each other's necks now. Percy is choking, while Evil Willow just continues to smile. Xander runs up behind Percy and yanks him off of her, throwing him to the floor. Xander: Back off! You stay the hell away from her! Percy: (panicked) Okay! Sure! (scrambles away) Xander turns back to make sure Willow is okay, but is stunned by the way she's dressed. For her part, Evil Willow's face brightens, glad to finally see a familiar face. Evil Willow: (thrilled) Xander! Xander: (amazed) Will, changing the look not an idle thr*at with you. Evil Willow: (smiles widely) You're alive! She hugs him, running her hands sensuously over his neck and back. Xander: Uh... Will, this is verging on naughty touching here. (her hands go further down) Don't wanna fall back on bad habits. (her hands reach his butt) (jumps, surprised) Hands! Hands in new places! Evil Willow: (realizes, confused, revolted) You're alive. Xander: (nods, eyeing her curiously) You mentioned that before. Will, are you okay? Evil Willow: (distraught) No! Everything's different. Buffy: (finds them) Oh. There you are. Xander: (never looking away from Evil Willow) Hey, Buff. Buffy: Aren't you gonna introduce me to your... (recognizes) Holy *God*, you're Willow. Evil Willow: (recognizes the Slayer, vehemently) You. Buffy: (tries to be polite) You know what? (smiles supportively) I, I like the look. (stammers) It's, um... it's, it's extreme, but it, it, it looks good, you know, it's a (breathes deeply) leather thing, and, uh... (to Xander) I said extreme already, right? Evil Willow: (steps up to Buffy, eyes narrowed with hatred) I don't like you. Buffy: (taken aback) Will, I'm sorry about today. You know how my foot likes to live in my mouth. (puzzled) But you know... y-you really didn't have to prove anything. Evil Willow glares at both of them with disgust. She has nothing to say to these humans. Evil Willow: Leaving now. (starts away) Xander: Will, gotta say, not lovin' the new you. Buffy: (goes after her) Will, wait... She grasps Evil Willow's arm from behind and turns her around, and is dumbfounded when she sees her in her vampire guise. Evil Willow: (roars) Get off me! She shakes the Slayer off and stalks away, leaving Buffy and Xander standing there in complete shock and dawning horror. Cut to an alley. Evil Willow strides along it at a brisk pace. Behind her two vampires come into view. Alfonse: Willow Rosenberg. Evil Willow: (stops and smiles to herself in anticipation) I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. Alfonse: Then we won't talk. He nudges his partner to att*ck. Evil Willow does a side kick at him, sending him stumbling back. Alfonse lunges at her, but she grabs onto his shoulder and uses his momentum to flip him to the ground. She turns around and does a half-spinning hook kick to the other one's head. He backs up a step, but keeps his balance and leans back in to punch Evil Willow. She middle blocks two sh*ts and follows up with a punch to his head. She grabs his shoulder while he's dazed and flips him over onto his back. Alfonse comes at her again, and she connects with a roundhouse kick to his side. He falls, but gets up quickly and grabs her shoulder. She grabs onto his hand to keep it in place, and with her other hand she pushes down on his shoulder, forcing him to flip forward onto his back. She takes his hand and jerks it back hard, snapping his wrist. He grunts in pain and gives in. Evil Willow: (reprovingly) You made me cranky. She brushes her fingers against his. Alfonse: (panting) There's been a mistake here. We were sent after a human. Evil Willow: (intrigued) Really? Who do you work for? Alfonse: (hoarsely) I'm not telling you a thing. With a half-smile, she takes one of his fingers and bends it back sharply, breaking it. He screams in pain. Evil Willow: (still smiling) Who do you work for? Alfonse: (gives in) Wilkins. The Mayor. She takes another finger and breaks it, too. Again he cries out in pain. Evil Willow: *Who* do you work for? (bats her eyes suggestively) Alfonse: (gets it) You. She drops his arm and lets him up. The other vampire gets up also, rubbing his head. Evil Willow: (commands) Get your friends. Bring them here. The world's no fun anymore. (smiles evilly) We're gonna make it the way it was. Starting with the Bronze. Alfonse nods obediently at his new boss. Cut to the library. Buffy and Xander come in, both silent, very detached from reality. Giles hears them come in and walks out from his office. Giles: Oh, Buffy. I thought you were going out tonight. I didn't expect... He sees the oppressive grief in their expressions. Giles: (very worried) What is it? Cut to later, after they've explained. They all sit on the stairs to the stacks, detached and staring off into space. Giles dangles his glasses from his hands. Xander idly handles a cross. Xander: (takes a breath) This isn't real. Buffy: (numbly) I can't feel anything. Arms, legs, anything. Giles: She was truly the finest of all of us. Xander: Way better than me. Giles: (nods decisively) Much, much better. Xander: It's all my fault. Buffy: (despairingly) No, it's me. I-it's me. I'm the one that called her reliable. She must have gone out and gotten att*cked, which she never would have done if I hadn't have called her reliable. And now my best friend is... Willow walks in and finds them there. Willow: (curiously) What's going on? They all look up surprised. Xander lifts his cross in defense. Willow notices their sad faces and is amazed at their expressions. Willow: Jeez, who died? She notices just how deeply sad they really are and realizes she may have gotten it right. Willow: (almost panicked) Oh, God! Who died? Xander jumps up and gets in Willow's face with the cross. Xander: Back! Get back, demon! She doesn't cower from it, but instead shows deep concern for him, thinking maybe he's flipped out or something. Xander shakes the cross as though it were broken and puts it back in her face. Buffy and Giles notice that she's not frightened of the cross, and slowly approach. Buffy: (breathlessly) Willow, you're alive? Willow: (puzzled) Aren't I usually? Without any further hesitation, Buffy runs the two steps to her best friend and hugs her hard and close. Buffy: Oh! Willow is surprised, and lets out a little groan from the tightness of the embrace. An instant later Xander is also hugging her for all he's worth. Willow: (wonderingly) I love you guys, too? The hug goes on for a long moment before it gets too intense for Willow. Willow: Okay. Oxygen becoming an issue. They both let go, smiling at her with tears in their eyes. She smiles back, but still doesn't know what to make of it all. Willow: Giles, what's going on with these... Before she can finish she finds herself being warmly embraced again by the normally reserved Watcher. Willow: Oh! Again she groans from the tightness of the hug, and Giles quickly releases her, a bit embarrassed at his emotional display. Giles: Oh. Sorry. (backs away) Willow: (still wondering) It's really nice that you guys missed me. (wide-eyed) Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya? Xander: (breathless) Will, we saw you at the Bronze. A vampire. Willow: (startled, then insulted) I'm not a *vampire*. Buffy: You are. (gets a look from Willow) I-I mean, you, you were. (very confused) Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon? Giles: (very unsure) Well, uh... something... something, um, very strange is happening. Xander: (facetiously) Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go? Cut to the Bronze. Anya walks up to the bar and sits. Anya: (wearily) What a day. (to the bartender) Gimme a beer. Bartender: (deadpan) I.D. She gives him an incredulous look. Bartender: I.D. Anya: (loses it, thumps her fists on the bar) I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a friggin' beer! Bartender: (unimpressed) I.D. Anya: (sighs, defeated) Gimme a Coke. Cut to the stage. Oz and Devon set up their equipment. Devon: Man, we need a roadie. (wistfully) Other bands have roadies. Oz: Well, other bands know more than three chords. Your professional bands can play up to six, sometimes seven *completely* different chords. Devon: That's just, like, fruity jazz bands. He looks worriedly at Oz, seeking confirmation for this theory. Angel: (finds them) Oz. Oz: Hey, man. You looking for Buffy? Angel: As always. Oz: Well, no sightings as of yet, but I think she said she'd show. The door to the club opens, and in walk several vampires. They fan out into the crowd. The people back away in fright. Alfonse comes in last, grabs an unlucky boy and throws him into a table. Oz: (quietly to Angel) That doesn't look good. Alfonse: (yells) EVERYBODY, SHUT UP! From over at the bar, Anya notices the vampires and begins to take an interest. Alfonse: (to everyone) Alright. Nobody cause any trouble or try to leave... and nobody gets hurt. Angel: (quietly) Why don't I believe him? Oz: (quietly) Well, he lacks credibility. They notice one of the vampires prevent a guy from leaving through the back door. Oz: Can you get outta here? Angel: (eyes cast upward) Skylight in the roof. I can make it. Oz: (worried) I think we need some backup. Angel: (evenly) I think I'm needed here. Oz: (raises his eyebrows) Ten to one. Could get pointless. The door opens again and another vampire enters, followed closely by Evil Willow. She looks around at everyone, very pleased. Anya straightens up now, quite intrigued. Evil Willow smiles when she reaches the middle of the empty dance floor. Evil Willow: Look. Everyone's all afraid. (sighs blissfully) It's just like old times. Oz: (in utter disbelief) Get Buffy. Do it now. Angel wastes no time, wheels around, and begins climbing the stage ropes to the roof. Devon gets in close behind Oz. Devon: (quietly, smiling) Dude, check out your girlfriend. Evil Willow saunters leisurely over to a girl alone at a table. Evil Willow: (sweetly) What's your name? Sandy: Sandy. Evil Willow lightly brushes her hands along Sandy's arm and takes her hand. She slowly pulls her onto the dance floor where everyone can see them. Evil Willow: You don't have to be afraid... (smiles disarmingly) just to please me. (to everyone) If you're all good boys and girls, we'll make you young and strong forever and ever. She turns Sandy around to face the stage and stands behind her, continuing to fondle Sandy's shoulders and head. Evil Willow: (enticingly) We'll have fun. Sandy flinches when Evil Willow grasps her hair and pulls it to the side, forcing Sandy to tilt her head, leaving her neck bare. Evil Willow lasciviously licks the girl's neck. Evil Willow: If you're not... She looks around warningly, vamps out, smiles, licks her lips and roars as she bites Sandy savagely on the neck and drains her dry. Oz tries to run from the stage to Sandy's aid, but is stopped by one of the vampires. Devon: (to Oz) No, man! When Evil Willow is finished feeding, she lets Sandy's lifeless body collapse to the floor and morphs back to her human guise. Evil Willow: (idly curious) Questions? Comments? Oz: (shocked) Willow. You don't wanna do this. Evil Willow: (approaches blithely) I don't? (smiles proudly) But I'm so good at it. The vampire holding Oz lets him go down to meet her. Oz: (horrified) Who *did* this to you? Evil Willow: (recognizes him) I know you. (disgustedly) You're a White Hat. (eyes narrow, puzzled) How come you're talking to me like we're friends? Anya slowly comes up to her from behind. Anya: (unafraid) 'Cause he thinks you're someone else. He thinks you're the Willow that belongs in *this* reality. Evil Willow: (confused) Another me? Anya: You know this isn't your world, right? I mean, you know you don't belong here. Evil Willow: (softly) No. This is a dumb world. (smiles wistfully) In my world there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies. Anya: (states the obvious) You wanna get back there. Evil Willow: (nods mournfully) Yeah. Anya: So do I. Cut to the school. Cut to the library. Giles sits deep in thought. Willow leans in Giles' office doorway while Buffy and Xander sit on the study table. Willow: This is creepy. I don't like the thought that there's a vampire out there that looks like me. Xander: Not looks like. Is. Buffy: It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix. (uneasily) As far as we know. Willow: (rolls her eyes, grins sardonically) Oh, right. Me and Oz play 'Mistress of Pain' every night. Giles furrows his brow. Buffy and Xander's eyes glaze over. Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place? Buffy: Oh, yeah. They all look up when Angel makes a quick and noisy entrance, breathing hard from running. Angel: (very upset) Buffy, I... I just... Something's happened that... He pauses when he gets patient, waiting looks from Buffy and Xander. Angel: (blurts it out) Willow's d*ad. Buffy and Xander nod knowingly. Willow straightens up from leaning against the door frame. Angel notices her. Angel: (distractedly) Hey, Willow. He looks back at Buffy and Xander. Xander raises his eyebrows at him. Suddenly it clicks in Angel's mind, and he does a double take at Willow. Angel: (very confused) Wait a second. He looks back at Buffy and Xander for confirmation. Giles raises his eyebrows, rolls his eyes and grimaces. Xander: (understandingly) We're *right* there with you, buddy. Buffy: We saw her, too, at the Bronze. Willow smiles reassuringly at him and blithely waves. Angel: (still somewhat unsure) Okay. She's there now with a cadre of vampires looking to party. They all immediately get up and head out. Buffy: (resignedly) We can figure out who she is *after* we stop the feeding frenzy. Cut to the hall. Buffy: How many of them were there? Angel: Eight or ten. Buffy: (to Giles) Should we call Faith? Giles: No, I don't want her in combat yet. Not around civilians. Xander: (heartily) Hear, hear. Willow: (holds back) Guys? (they stop and look back) What are we gonna do with me? The... other... me? The three men look at each other uncomfortably, shuffling their feet and hanging back. Buffy realizes she has to take the lead. Buffy: (comes closer to Willow) I don't know, Will. (hesitates) I mean, we just have to stop them. Willow: I-I get that. I just kind of wanted to know... (thinks of something) Oh! Hey, uh, go. I-I'll catch up. She heads back into the library as the others go. Cut inside the library. Willow goes to the checkout counter and leans over, but can't reach what she's looking for. She starts to go around it, but an arm reaches around from behind and grabs her. A hand clamps over her mouth to prevent her from screaming. Evil Willow: (gloating) Alone at last. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Evil Willow turns Willow around and looks her up and down, particularly noticing her pink sweater. Evil Willow: (appraisingly) Well, look at me. (doubtfully) I'm all fuzzy. Willow: What do I want with you? (catches herself) Uh... Evil Willow: (grimly) Your little school friend Anya said that you're the one that brought me here. She said that you could get me back to my world. Willow: Oh. (gets it) Oh! Oops! Evil Willow: But I don't know... (smiles wickedly) I kinda *like* the idea of the two of us. She turns Willow around again, caressing her shoulders. Evil Willow: We could be quite a team, (meaningfully) if you came around to *my* way of thinking. Willow: (uncertainly) Would that mean we have to snuggle? Evil Willow brushes Willow's hair away from her neck. Evil Willow: (coaxing) What do you say? She gives Willow's neck an eager, lengthy lick. Willow shudders with loathing and grimaces at the feeling. Evil Willow: (enticingly) Wanna be bad? Willow: (completely unnerved) This just can't get more disturbing. Evil Willow growls horribly with desire and bares her teeth behind Willow's neck. Willow freaks out and whirls around, stepping back and away from her. Willow: (flapping her hands with disgust) Ack! Ew! No more! You're really starting to freak me out! She tries to go around Evil Willow, but gets blocked. She snatches up Xander's cross from the counter and nervously waves it in Evil Willow's face, who roars and bats her arm away, sending the cross flying. She grabs Willow and throws her hard up and over the counter. Willow lands with a crash, hitting her head hard against the metal filing cabinet. Willow: Ow! Evil Willow: (stalks grimly around the counter) You don't wanna play, I guess I can't force you. Willow reaches under the counter for what she originally came for and pulls out the dart r*fle just as Evil Willow comes through the door to behind the counter. Evil Willow: Oh, wait. Willow locks the bolt in place. Evil Willow: (smiling meanly) I can. Willow frantically aims and fires. The dart hits Evil Willow d*ad center of her chest. Stunned, she looks down at the protruding dart, staggers and starts to fall. Evil Willow: (moans) Bitch... She hits the floor. Willow stares in fearful amazement at her other fallen self. Cut to later. Angel and Xander drag Evil Willow by the arms into the book cage. Giles: (dumbfounded) It's extraordinary. Willow: (appalled) It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? (Angel closes the door) I'm so evil and... skanky. (aside to Buffy, worried) And I think I'm kinda gay. Buffy: (reassuringly) Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was. Angel: (without thinking) Well, actually... (gets a look from Buffy) That's a good point. Xander: So, uh, what do we do now? Giles: We still have to get to the Bronze. Angel: Well, even if they're supposed to wait for her they may start feeding. Vampires are not notoriously reliable. Xander: (hopefully) So we charge in, much in the style of John Wayne? Giles: High casualty risk. I haven't any other plan, though. Buffy: (raises her hand) Uh, I have a really bad idea. Cut to the Bronze. The camera pans from the sign down to the group. Angel drops down from the roof onto a crate, then down to the pavement. Angel: They're still in a holding pattern. That's good. It means they must really be afraid of you. Willow walks up to them wearing Evil Willow's leather ensemble. Willow: Who wouldn't be? She shifts around uncomfortably, trying to get the feel of the tight outfit. Buffy: Are you okay in that? Willow: It's a little binding. I guess vampires really don't have to breathe. (notices her cleavage) Gosh, look at those. Xander stares with wide eyes. Giles: (stammers) Um, ahem, Willow, you, uh, you go in and defuse the situation as best you can. At least try and get some of them to come out and even up the odds a bit. Buffy: First sign of trouble, you give us a signal. We come in hard and fast. Xander: What *is* the signal? Willow: (worried) Me screaming. Angel: Giles, you and Xander wait by the back entrance. Giles: Good. They go. Buffy shows concern for her friend. Buffy: Now, you're sure you're up to this? Willow: Don't worry. I won't do anything that could be interpreted as brave. (smiles) Buffy: We'll be right outside. Willow nods wanly and heads for the door, still twisting uncomfortably in the leather. She takes a deep breath and knocks with firm resolve. Cut inside. A vampire opens the door. Willow smiles and waves at him in greeting. Willow: Hi. I'm back. She slowly comes in. Alfonse and Anya meet her inside. Willow does her best not to show her fear. Alfonse: Did you find the girl? Willow: (tries to sound authoritative) Yep. I did. Anya: (mystified) Where is she? Willow: (bravely) I k*lled her. Anya gives her a look of stunned disbelief. Willow: And sucked her blood, (nods triumphantly) as we vampires do. The silence is thick with tension, making her nervous. She turns to the doorman. Willow: (quietly aside to him) You know, I think maybe I heard something out there. Why don't you go check? He opens the door and goes out, closing the door behind him. Outside Angel grabs him by the shoulders and holds him steady as Buffy plunges a stake into his chest. Back inside, Anya confronts Willow. Anya: (incredulous) H-how could you k*ll her? She was our best sh*t at getting your world back. Willow: (walks past her, straightens challengingly) I don't like that you dare question me. Oz notices that something's up. Willow: (now enjoying herself) Maybe I'll have my minions take you out back and k*ll you horribly. She sneaks Oz a little smile and wave. He barely reacts, just raising an eyebrow a bit. Anya follows her onto the dance floor. Anya: (muttering) Vampires. Always thinking with your teeth. Willow: (haughtily) She bothered me. She's so weak and accommodating. She's always letting people walk all over her, (turns to face her) and then she gets cranky with her friends for no reason. I just *couldn't* let her live. She steps over to another vampire, indicating the door. Willow: (chummily) You know, he's been gone for a while. Why don't you go check on him? (pats his shoulder approvingly) He heads for the door and goes out. Alfonse: (impatiently) Well, Boss, since that plan is out, why don't we get with the k*lling? Willow suddenly worries that her plan may have backfired. Cut to the library. Evil Willow regains consciousness in the book cage, now dressed in Willow's pink sweater and flowery skirt. She sits up and notices her change of clothes. Evil Willow: (recoiling) Oh, this is like a nightmare. The door opens, and Cordelia comes into the library. She's dressed in a shimmery evening dress, carrying a couple of books. Cordelia: Hello? Giles? Evil Willow notices her and remembers her recent k*ll in the alternate universe. Cordelia: (casually) Wesley? I just happened to stop by... for books. Evil Willow: (stands up, speaks imperiously) Hey, you. Cordelia: (faces her) 'Hey me'? (insulted) 'Hey me' what? I have a name, you know. Evil Willow: (thinks) Uh, Cordelia. Cordelia: (steps over) What did you do? Lock yourself in the book cage? Evil Willow: (cunningly goes along with it) Yeah. Lemme out... 'Cause I'm so helpless. Cordelia: Okay. She heads behind the counter. Evil Willow smirks at her success. Cordelia: I think Giles keeps a spare. How'd you manage to lock yourself in, anyway? Evil Willow: Uh, I was looking at books. I like... books... Cordelia finds the keys and goes back to the cage. Evil Willow: ...'cause I'm shy. Cordelia: (sarcastically) Yeah, right. The famous shy girl act all the boys fall for. Evil Willow: (anxiously) Open the cage. (tenses up) Cordelia puts in the key and turns it, but stops short of unlocking it. She looks up at Evil Willow and has a thought. Cordelia: Wait. (briskly) It occurs to me that we've never really had the opportunity to talk. You know, woman to woman... with you locked up. Evil Willow: (impatient) Don't wanna talk. Hungry. Cordelia: (pretends to think) What could we talk about? Oh! Hey! How about the ethics of boyfriend stealing? Evil Willow can't believe it. Cut to the Bronze. Willow: I don't know if I feel like k*lling anymore. Anya and Alfonse can't believe their ears. Willow walks past a girl at a table. Willow: I'm so bored. She idly rakes her fingers through the girl's long hair, but they get tangled. Rather than pull them through harder to keep in character, she gently lays the girl's hair back. Anya begins to get suspicious. Willow strolls over to the stage, putting Oz to her back. Willow: I-it would be like sh**ting fish in a barrel. Where's the fun? Alfonse: (smiles grimly) With all due respect, Boss, the fun would be the eating. Willow: (brilliantly) Maybe we should let everyone go, and give them a thirty second head start. Anya: (finally figures it out) Wait a minute. Willow: (frowns fretfully) No! I *like* my plan. Anya: (snickers) Oh, nice try. Willow: (desperately) Okay, let's get to the k*lling. (hurriedly to Alfonse) Why don't we start with her? Anya: Why don't we start with you? (to Alfonse, in disgust) If she's a vampire, then I'm the creature from the black lagoon. Cut to the library. Evil Willow hangs onto the cage mesh, extremely bored. Cordelia has made herself comfortable, seated in a chair facing the cage and holding a mug of coffee. Cordelia: (rationalizing) And, okay, it isn't even like I was that attracted to Xander. It was more just that we kept being put in these life or death situations, and that's always all sexy and stuff. Evil Willow just stares blankly out of the cage. Cordelia: (gets up) I mean, I more or less knew he was a loser. (sets down the mug) (huffily) But that doesn't make it okay for you to come around and... (notices Evil Willow's stare) What? Do I have something on my neck? Evil Willow: (wearily) Not yet. Cordelia: (worried) Am I getting a zit? (checks her skin) Evil Willow: (very bored and tired) Cordelia, I'm *very* sorry. I realize I was wrong. I'll never steal your boyfriend again. Cordelia: (stung) Like you could! I should just leave you in there, but I'm a great humanitarian, (gets the keys) and you will just have to think of a way to pay me back sometime. She unlocks the cage, turns the handle and pulls the door open. Evil Willow steps out. Evil Willow: Okay. (vamps out) How about dinner? ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The hall outside the library. The doors burst open, and Cordelia sh**t out screaming wildly and runs down the hall. Cut to a dark empty classroom. Cordelia runs in and backs up along two rows of desks, pulling them together as she goes to block Evil Willow's way. Cordelia: (desperately) I didn't mean all that stuff I said before. I want you to have Xander. My blessings on you both! Evil Willow just pushes the desks back apart, making a game of it. Evil Willow: I'm *so* over him. I need fresh blood. Cordelia runs away screaming through the classroom's back door. Cut to the hall in front of the library. Wesley is walking toward the doors, when another scream from Cordelia catches him by surprise. He reacts defensively, dropping his briefcase and spinning round, but quickly recovers himself and starts running in the direction of the scream, abandoning his briefcase, reaching under his jacket for a cross. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia runs in and realizes she's made a mistake, trapping herself. Evil Willow strolls in behind her. Evil Willow: No more hiding. Cordelia backs away as she advances. Suddenly Wesley jumps out and brandishes his cross in her face. Wesley: (commandingly) Back! Creature of the night! Evil Willow growls angrily. Wesley: (warningly) Leave this place! Evil Willow: Don't wanna. Wesley quickly but nervously reaches into his jacket and pulls out a vial of holy water. Evil Willow sighs. He holds it up, thr*at to throw it on her. Evil Willow: (sighs heavily) Whatever. She turns and leaves. Wesley slowly relaxes, heaving a sigh of relief and lowering the cross and the vial. Cordelia walks up behind him and lightly touches him on the shoulder. He freaks out, screams and spins around, thrusting the cross and holy water right into Cordelia's face. He lowers them when he recognizes her, and tries to catch his breath. Cordelia: (whines apologetically) I'm sorry. Wesley: (puts the water away) No, no. (breathes deeply) A little on edge. (bravely) You know, men in combat. (makes a tough face) Grr. (concerned) Are you all right? Cordelia: (awed) You saved my life. Thank you! She flings herself worshipfully at him and throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Wesley: (awkwardly) Oh, yes. Uh... Yes. He is somewhat startled, but enjoys the hug while it lasts. Then they both peer out the door. Wesley: (stunned) Was that...? Cordelia: Willow. (shakes her head sorrowfully) They got Willow. (gets over it) (brightly) So, are you doing anything tonight? Wesley is rendered speechless. Cut to the Bronze. Anya: (dispirited) I'm just so tired of being around human beings and all their baggage. I-I don't care if I ever get my powers back. Oz gets behind Willow, backing her up. Willow gulps. Anya: (crosses her arms) I think he (meaning Alfonse) should eat you. Willow: (improvises quickly) This girl has a history of mental problems dating back to early childhood. (desperately) I'm a blood-sucking fiend! (pats herself) Look at my outfit! Alfonse: (shakes his head in shame) A human. I should have smelled it right away. Willow: A human? Oh, yeah? Could a human do this? She screams at the top of her lungs. Anya and Alfonse aren't impressed, and respond simultaneously. Anya: Sure. Yeah. Humans do that. Yeah. (shrugs) Alfonse: (concurring) Yeah. Yeah, I think, yeah. Willow is about ready to panic. Suddenly the door to the club is thrown open, and Buffy and Angel make their entrance. Buffy log rolls over the edge of a pool table, grabbing a cue stick along the way, as Alfonse runs over to engage her. Buffy uses the cue to block a high punch from Alfonse and then hits him in the chest with it. Then she spins halfway around to face another vampire and jabs him in the gut with the cue. As he doubles over in pain, Buffy whirls around and slams the end of the cue into the back of his head. Anya looks around at the chaos, and decides it's time to make a break for it. She meets Willow on her way, though, who doesn't fancy Anya getting off scott free. Anya smiles guilelessly at her, but doesn't get away with it. Willow grunts as she punches Anya hard, sending her to the floor unconscious. Unfortunately, the punch really hurts her hand. Willow: Ow! Ow! Ow! Happy, but ow! Oz snatches her away from the fray and up onto the stage. Devon tries to copy Angel's earlier move and climb up the stage ropes, but just doesn't have the strength to do it. The customers flee through the now-open front door while Angel ducks a half spinning jumping in-to-out crescent kick, shoves the vampire that tried it into a post and kidney-punches him. Out of the corner of his eye he spots another vampire coming at him and delivers a side kick to his stomach. He then grabs the one slumped by the post and hurls him through the air into a magazine rack. Angel turns back to the other vampire, spins twice and delivers a nasty backhand punch to his face, making him fall face down onto the pool table. Angel grabs onto his jacket, yanks him back up and punches him in the face, knocking him down. Meanwhile the first vampire is back up behind Angel and punches him in the face as he turns to face him. On the stage Oz yells back at Devon, who's gotten caught in the ropes. Oz: Devon, come on! Oz leads Willow away backstage, but they are blocked by Evil Willow, just arriving in her vampire guise. She grabs Oz by his shirt and smashes him into Devon, and the two boys crash to the floor. Willow: (frightened) No more snuggles? Evil Willow backhand punches her hard, causing her to fall back against the drum set. It makes plenty of noise as she and the cymbals crash loudly to the floor. In the back room, Giles and Xander wrench the door open just as the guard vampire throws back a fleeing patron. Xander grabs him from behind and tries to stake him, but gets thrown off and into a wall. Giles double-fists him in the face, but gets thrown back into another wall. Xander regains his footing and punches the vampire hard in the face, making his neck snap back, dazing him. He grabs the vampire by the jacket and flips him over onto his back at the base of some stairs. Giles rushes in, falls to his knees and stakes him. On the stage Evil Willow steps over to Willow and grabs her around the neck, choking her. Over by the pool tables Buffy swings her cue around, aiming for Alfonse's head, but he grabs the cue and wrests it from her grip. Even so, the shock of the blow sends him falling to the floor. Another vampire launches a punch at Buffy and hits her squarely in the side of the head. She takes it in stride and delivers both a backhand punch and a punch to his jaw. He stumbles against a post, where Buffy roundhouse kicks him twice in the face. He tries to punch her, but she grabs onto his arm, sidesteps him and throws him into a rack of cues. On the stage a struggling Willow is doing her best to hold her alter ego at bay, but isn't having much success. A vampire does an axe kick at Angel, but he rolls out of the way just in time so the vampire's leg lands on the pool table instead of Angel's head. Angel smashes his arm down on the vampire's knee, audibly breaking it, and then does a backhand punch to his face. The vampire falls backward to the floor. Angel reaches onto the pool table and picks up some balls, which he throws at an incoming vampire. They just bounce off of him, and he tries to punch Angel, who blocks it with both hands and backhands the vampire in the face, making him stagger back into the pole. The vampire roars and immediately comes back, grabs Angel and carries him out of the sh*t. Alfonse swings the cue stick at Buffy, but she grabs hold of it and swings it downward and around, wresting it from his grip. She then follows up with a full spinning wheel kick to his face, sending him to the floor. She hears Willow cry out from the stage and glimpses her predicament. Alfonse gets back to his feet, and Buffy uppercuts him with the cue. He goes flying into the pastry bar. On stage Evil Willow tightens her grip on Willow's neck. Behind Buffy Alfonse gets back up, but Buffy jams the business end of the cue stick into his chest without even looking back, dusting him. Things are looking dire for Willow on stage. Buffy runs to her aid, smashing the cue into the back of a vampire's head along the way and breaking it, resulting in a sharp makeshift stake. She leaps up onto the stage and is about to s*ab down hard with it into Evil Willow's back with it, when Willow shouts out to stop her. Willow: (urgently) BUFFY, NO! Buffy reacts instantly, holding back just short of penetration, and instead grabs Evil Willow and yanks her roughly away from Willow, restraining her securely. Angel is finished with his fight also and hops up onto the stage as well. Evil Willow realizes that she is now outnumbered. Willow stands up and gingerly massages her neck. Willow: (admiringly) Nice reflexes. Buffy: (shrugs gracefully) Well, I work out. Evil Willow: (to Willow, sadly) This world's no fun. Willow: (surprised, empathetically) You noticed that, too? Cut to the factory where Evil Willow first appeared in this reality. Giles, Anya and Oz finish setting up for the spell to send Evil Willow back. Giles lights the candles. Xander steps over to Evil Willow, but cautiously, not getting too close. Angel keeps a wary eye on her from behind. Xander: So, um, in your reality, I'm like this bad-ass vampire, huh? People afraid of me? Evil Willow just looks askance at him, then rolls her eyes and turns away. Xander: (steps away, chortling gleefully) Oh, yeah. I'm bad. Oz stands up and walks behind Willow and Buffy, who are observing Evil Willow. Buffy: (uncertainly) I'm not sure about releasing this thing into the wild, Will. It is a demon. Evil Willow checks on Angel behind her. Willow: (penitently) I just can't k*ll her. Buffy: (regretfully) No. Me, neither. Willow: (hesitantly) I mean, I know she's not me. We have a big nothing in common, but... still. Buffy: (understandingly) There but for the grace of getting bit. Willow: (resolutely) We send her back to her world, and she stands a chance. It's the way it should be anyway. Giles: Uh, we're about ready here. Willow goes over to Evil Willow. Giles: (to Anya, warningly) Don't you try any tricks now, dear. Anya: (sulkily) I don't need tricks. (arrogantly contemptuous) When I get my powers back, you will all grovel before me. Both Willows roll their eyes and shake their heads at her delusions of grandeur. Giles: (unimpressed) Yes, uh, if you, uh, Willows, would like to, uh, (gestures where they should kneel) complete the circle. Willow faces Evil Willow for the last time. Willow: Good luck. (helpfully) Try not to k*ll people. Evil Willow doesn't display any emotion, but Willow smiles warmly at her and gives her a big hug. Evil Willow isn't sure what to make of that, but gets into the spirit and does some naughty touching. Willow jumps back from her reach. Willow: (shocked) Hands! Hands! Evil Willow gives her a naughty, knowing smile. The two of them walk over to join the circle. They kneel down as the camera pulls back. The screen fades to white, and then returns to the ongoing fight in the alternate universe. Evil Willow materializes and smiles, relieved to be back in her own reality, only to be suddenly grabbed by Oz and shoved back onto a broken piece of the wooden cage, effectively impaling her through the heart. Evil Willow: (miserably) Aw, f... She explodes into ashes. The screen flashes back to white and back to Sunnydale High. The camera pans down to Willow and Buffy sitting together on a wall. Buffy: You wanna go out tonight? Willow: Strangely, I feel like staying at home... (sadly) and doing my homework... and flossing... and dying a virgin. Buffy: (sagely) You know, you can O.D. on virtue. Willow: Between me and my evil self, I've got double guilt coupons. I see now where the path of vice leads. I mean, she messed up everything she touched. I don't ever want to be like that. Percy: (comes up to them, a bit nervous) Hey. Uh, hi. Willow: Oh, hi. Listen, I didn't have a chance... Percy: (interrupts) Okay, so I did the outline for the paper on Roosevelt. (hands it to her) It turns out there were two President Roosevelts, so I didn't know exactly which one to do, so I did both. He hands her the other one. Both are nicely bound in folders. Buffy gives Willow a knowing smile. Willow just stares at him in stunned amazement. Percy: (respectfully) Um, and I know they're kinda, kinda short, but I can flesh them out. Oh, and here's the bibliography. (hands it to her) Um, and I can retype that if you want. You just let me know what I did wrong, and I'll get on it. Willow is speechless, amazed by his sudden change in attitude. He starts to go, but comes back to lay an apple on the folders in her lap. He leaves again, hopping athletically over a low wall. Buffy: (innocently) You wanna go out tonight? Willow: (hopefully) 9:00 sound good?

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x16 - Dopplegangland"}

foreverdreaming

Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the WB Television Network. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Night, in front of the cinema. Marquee: Le Banquet D'Amelia. Buffy and Angel walk out amidst other moviegoers. Buffy: Well. Angel: Well. Buffy: That was very ... artistic. Angel: Yeah. Buffy: Wasn't what I expected. I've never actually seen... Well, from the title I thought it was about food. Angel: Well there was food. Buffy: Right. The, the scene with the, the food. So, feel like getting some hot chocolate? Or some cold shower? Angel: I'm sorry. I wanted to take you out somewhere fun. It's been a long time since I've been to the movies. They changed. Buffy: A little scary. And a little not, which is also scary. I'm sorry. I just, I don't like getting you worked up like that. We can't actually do any of those things. You'd lose your soul. Besides, I don't even own a kimono. Angel: Buffy, you don't have to worry about me. Buffy: Just don't like to rub your nose in it. Suddenly wondering where that expression comes from. Angel: Look, I don't need to see movies to get worked up. Just being around you does that just fine. Doesn't mean that I'm gonna lose control, that I'm going to be frustrated around you. It feels nice, just to feel. Buffy: It doesn't drive you crazy, when we're close? Angel: Watch this. (long kiss) See? Safe as houses. (more kisses) Faith: Check out the lust bunnies. Buffy: Patrol? Faith nods. Angel: Council has you back on active duty? Faith: Finally. They want us down by Mercer. Buffy: Okay. (to Angel) Goodnight. Angel: I'll see you soon. Faith: Don't worry, big guy. Just keeping her warm for you. Faith and Buffy leave, arm in arm. Cut to a cemetary. Buffy and Faith walk together. Faith: Gotta tell you, B. The willpower thing, nice job. Buffy: Thanks. Faith: But, the close but no cigar thing with Angel. I don't know if I could handle, you know, the way you're not handling it. Buffy: Faith, when it comes to Angel, do me a favor. Duck! Faith ducks and Buffy punches a demon behind her. Demon: Ow! Ooh! What are you, nuts? Going around punching people? Buffy pulls off its hat to reveal two horns growing out of its forehead. Buffy: People? Demon: So what, I'm a demon. That makes it okay? Both Slayers ready their stakes. Demon: Hold it, whoa! Stake me now, and you never find out what I got for ya, huh? Think about it. Demon seeks Slayers, highly unusual? Faith: Talk fast. Demon: How would you like to get your hands on the Books of Ascension? Buffy: Never heard of 'em. Demon: Books of Ascension. Very powerful works and I'm not talking about the prose. They deal with some, ah, dark stuff. And the Mayor (Faith frowns) would hate for somebody to get ahold before he, ah, well you know. Buffy: Don't know. Before he what? Demon: Hey, hey, read 'em and weep. That's all I got to say. Tomorrow, I get the books. Meet me here and if the price is right, well I give the books to you. Buffy: Not really looking to trade with a demon. Demon: And if this were still a barter economy, that would be a problem. I want cash, princess, five large for the whole set. Faith: So you can buy, I'm guessing here, some skin care products. Demon: Plane ticket. Out of the Hellmouth before its adios, Slayer Loco. So, five G's, what do you say? Faith: I think "Die Fiend" sums it up, wouldn't you say. The Demon jumps between them and runs away. Buffy: Oh, let him go. I don't think he falls into the deadly thr*at to humanity category. Faith: A demon's a demon. Buffy: I'd like to know about these Books of Ascension. Anything that would pin the Mayor down would be great. Faith: Yeah. It'd be great. Opening credits. ----------------------------------------------------------- Mayor's office. Faith sits. The Mayor paces. Mayor: And what exactly did this demon look like? Faith: Demonic? Mayor: Ah. And you say he has the Books of Ascension, or will soon, and he was, what, willing to sell them? Faith: That's what I said. Mayor: Hmm. You know what I wish? I wish you'd pull your hair back. I know, I know, fashion's not exactly my thing, but, gosh darn it, you know, you've got such a nice face. I can't understand why you hide it. Faith: Yeah, sure. Whatever. It's just a matter of time before this demon guy is gonna spill. Then Buffy and the superfriends are gonna... Mayor: You know, you worry too much for a girl for your age. That's unnecessary stress. Luckily, I've got just the thing. The Mayor pours a glass of milk and hands it to Faith. Mayor: There you go. Now, first you load up on calcium. Then find this demon, k*ll the heck out of him, and bring the books to me. Faith looks at the milk and sets the glass down, untouched. Faith: And if Buffy gets to him first? Mayor: Oh, well. Frankly I don't like to think about that. I like good, positive, up thoughts. If you fail me in that way. Well, you know, replacing Mr. Trick was chore enough. (chuckles) Oh, come on, don't worry. Drink up. There's nothing uncool about healty teeth and bones. ------------------------------------------ In the library. Buffy, Xander, and Willow sit at the table. Wesley stands by it. Giles stands in the door of his office. Wesley: And you say this demon wanted cash? That's very unusual. Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore. Buffy: Well, he said the books were worth the price. Xander: What's this Ascenscion mean? Wesley looks at Giles. Giles: I'm not sure. Wesley: No, not really a common term in demonology. Willow: Ooh ooh! The Marenschadt Text. I think in the section on genocide, they mention Ascenscion. Buffy: Well, we have a winner. Xander: And, more importantly, two losers. Giles: Where did you find that volume? Willow: In the top of your book cabinet with the stuff you try to keep hidden. Giles disappears into his office to get the book. Xander: Hidden? Are there any engravings I should know about? Uh, frolicking nymphs of some kind? Willow: No. Just magic secrets Giles doesn't think I'm ready for. Giles returns with the book. Giles: Ah, yes, yes, here we are. There's a reference here to the journal of Desmond Kane, pastor of a town called Sharpsville. "May 26, 1723. Tomorrow is the Ascenscion. God help us all." It was the last anyone heard. Wesley: Of Kane? Giles: Of Sharpsville. The town more or less disappeared. Buffy: So Ascenscion possibly not a love-in. Giles: I think you should meet with this demon, Buffy. Buffy: Yeah? Anybody got five thousand dollars? Cordelia enters and approaches Wesley. Cordelia: I have something important to ask you. Xander: Important? Let's start calculating those odds, people. Cordelia: What are you doing Friday night? Wesley: Uh, I, uh, as always my sacred duty as a Watcher prevents me from, ah... Why? Cordelia: I have a paper to write for English and you're English, so I thought ... (sees the looks from Buffy and Xander) What? Is it so wrong to be getting an insider's perspective? (to Wesley) I study best in a good restaurant, around eightish? Think it over? Wesley is speechless. Cordelia exits. Xander: And on the day the words "flimsy excuse" were redefined, we stood in awe and watched. Wesley: Right! Books of Ascenscion, Mayor, slaughter. Tell you what. Why don't we try to find this demon sooner rather than later? Perhaps persuade him to lend us the books free of charge. Buffy: I think Faith might be useful in that persuasion part. Wesley: I imagine so. Where is Faith anyway? ---------------------------------------- The demon is frantically packing a suitcase. Faith kicks open the door of the room. Demon: Hey, Slayer! You know, I wasn't expecting company. Give me a minute and I'll have the place tidied up for you. Faith: You got the books? Demon: Well, that depends. You got my money? Faith slugs him. Demon: You're tough in negotiations and I respect that. Check 'em out. Now ah, that is quality merchandise. That's worth five grand easy. Faith: Books of Ascenscion. Demon: Mm hmm. Original editions and everything. Uh, great condition. Okay, it's a little worn on one spine, some slight foxing, but otherwise, perfect. Now, the five grand, it's ah, you know, negotiable. Faith: I don't like to haggle. She pulls a Kn*fe and s*ab the demon. He struggles, they roll on the floor, but she finally kills him. She stares at the blood on her hands. ---------------------------------------- Night, in Angel's mansion. Angel is reading. Faith enters. Angel: Faith. Faith: Angel. I got nowhere else to go. Look, I hate asking for help, but I'm asking, cause, uh, I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble. The real bad kind. Angel: It's okay. Faith: No, it's a couple of county lines over from okay, believe me. Angel: Look, just talk. Come on. Start from the beginning. Faith: Mind if I skip past the 'mom never loved me' part and get right to it? I'm scaring myself. Angel: I know the feeling. Faith: That's why I came to you. I don't want to get all twelve steppy, but remember when you told me that k*lling people would make me feel like some kind of god? (shows him her bloody hands) I think I just came down to earth. It's not human if that's what you're thinking. Not that that makes me feel any better or this guy any less d*ad. Angel: Faith, you need help. You can't do this alone. Faith: I know. For real now, I'm scared. Scared of what I am, what I'm turning into. Cold-blooded straight up k*ller. Like you. Angel: Not like me. I didn't have a choice. But you do. You can stop this. Faith: Believe me, I don't want to end up the way everybody said I would, d*ad or alone or a loser. Angel: No, you don't have to. Faith: I don't know. Maybe it's too late for me. Angel: It's not. Faith: Angel, I'm so scared. (hugs him) Angel: It's alright, shh, it's okay. They hug for a moment, then as they part, they hesitate, almost kissing. Angel pulls away. Angel: Whoa. Faith, I, look, I can be here for you. But not like that, alright? I'm with Buffy. Faith: Buffy, yeah. I didn't mean it like that. Maybe I did, but I wouldn't press it. You love her, don't you. Angel: I love her. Faith: Good for you. The two of you, you're lucky. Friends? Angel: Yeah, we're friends. Faith: Then I'm lucky too. I'd better go. Angel: Where? Faith: I need to cool down. Spend some time alone. Don't worry about me. You've been a big help. Just knowing somebody cares. Hey, I know I shouldn't be asking this, but do you think if things were different that things between you and me would be different, too? Angel: We'll never know. Faith: Right. How could we? Angel: Take care of yourself. Faith: Lifetime of practice. Faith kisses Angel on the cheek, then leaves. Buffy appears outside the mansion in time to see the kiss. ---------------------------------------- Night, in Faith's new apartment. Faith: It's not like I wasn't trying, okay? Mayor: Hey, there's no need to convince me. I'm sure you gave it your level best. I just don't understand what that boy could be thinking? Faith: Try Buffy Summers, like in a big, fat, one track way. Mayor: Hey, come on, don't be discouraged. You're a bright, young, energetic girl with a whole life ahead of her. And I won't tolerate brooding. So you couldn't give him that one moment of true happiness. Faith: I was thinking more along the lines of a long weekend, but okay. Mayor: And he spurns your advances. So be it. There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that's factually true. We want to take Angel's soul away. If we can't do it by giving him happiness, well, by golly, we'll just have to do it in the most painful way imaginable. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- In the library. Wesley: Find anything? Giles: Six course banquet of nothing with a scoop of sod-all as a palate closer. Wesley: I've had no better luck. There must be something about this Ascescion somewhere. Giles: Perhaps I should contact the Council, maybe run a search... Wesley: No. I don't, uh, it should be I that ... The Council isn't entirely aware that I'm letting you work for me (off Giles's look) um, with me. I don't think they'd be very happy at the idea of the two of us collaborating. Giles: Well I wasn't about to burst into glorious song about it myself. Why don't you call? Buffy enters, dispirited. Wesley: I think the most expedient plan would be to find these Books of Ascenscion themselves. Buffy, you and Faith must find this demon, and soon. Buffy: Well, I'll go back to the scene, see if I can track him. Wesley: Wait for Faith. Buffy: That could be hours. The girl makes Godot look punctual. I'll just go myself. Wesley: Buffy, this is a job for the both of you. This demon could be anywhere. Giles gives Buffy a look of concern. Wesley: If these books are important as he says, he has good reason to hide. (Xander enters) Finding him is going to be extremely difficult. Xander: Found your demon. Buffy: Fashion tip, Wes. Mouth looks better closed. Xander: Got the address. (hands Buffy a slip of paper) I b*at it out of Willy the snitch personally. Buffy: You b*at up Willy? Xander: Sure! Well, actually, let's just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely, and then, uh, okay, I bribed him. Buffy: How much? Xander: Twenty-eight bucks. (to Giles) Does the Council reimburse for that kind of stuff? Giles: Did you get a receipt? Xander: Damn. Buffy: I know this. It's down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town. Giles: Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt. Buffy: I'll remember to mention that. Faith enters. Faith: Mention what? Where we going, girlfriend? Buffy: (pulls her arm away from Faith) Actually, I can handle this one solo. Faith: Why should you get to have all the fun? Share, share, that's fair, right? Buffy: Right. Got our demon. Faith: Oh, well, let's go look him up. Buffy marches away and Faith follows her. Xander: Is it me or did it just get really cold in here? --------------------------------------- Buffy and Faith enter the demon's room. Buffy: Faith, careful. Faith: Right. Buffy: Missed you last night. Faith: Yeah, I was patrolling. No shortage of scum you gotta watch in Sunnydale, right? Buffy: So I've heard. Faith reaches around a doorway for a light switch without looking. Buffy notices but doesn't say anything. They see the body. Buffy: Looks like somebody got here first. Faith: Betting they got the books, too. Some h*t. Buffy: This wasn't just a h*t. This was somebody's idea of a party. Faith: Maybe the guy put up a fight. We gotta get going. Come on, nothing we can do here now. You coming? ---------------------------------------- Daylight. In the Mayor's office. Across from him sits a mage concealed behind Bedouin robes. Only his eyes and upper nose are visible. The eyes seem serpentine. Mayor: Mint? Didn't think so. Well, scheduling a man of your talents is quite the chore, I'll tell you. Between the chanting and the sacrifice, oh, my golf game is sh*t. But heeere you are. You know why I've summoned you. Can you do it? (Mage nods) Need anything from me? (Mage shakes his head) Mage: You have risked great danger in calling on me. The deadliest magics are needed to rob this creature of its soul. Mayor: Big job alright. Mage: And so it shall be done. Mayor: Oh, that's just swell. Listen, you sure you don't want any? Cause they're, they're low calorie. Okay. ---------------------------------------- Daylight. In a school lounge. Buffy and Willow sit together on a couch. Willow: Are you okay? You seem a little on edge. Is there anything that's wrong? Buffy: It's nothing. (Willow looks) It's nothing. (Willow looks) Alright, alright, stop with the third degree. It's Faith. Willow: What about her? Buffy: I went to Angel's last night and Faith was there. They looked sort of intimate. Willow: No way. I know what you're thinking and no way! Buffy: You're right. Faith would never do that. Willow: Faith would totally do that. Faith was built to do that. She's the do that girl. Buffy: Comfort, remember comfort, here? Willow: I mean, please, does Angel come up to Faith's standards for a guy? Let's see, is he breathing? Buffy: Actually, no. Willow: But Buffy, Angel. There's no way he would ever do that. I mean, you're the only thing in the world to him. Buffy: Sometimes I wonder. Angel and Faith have a lot in common. And there's so much he doesn't tell me. Willow: But it's so clear the way he feels about you. Buffy, I too know the love of a taciturn man and you have to look at their actions. Buffy: I was. Willow: Well, what did he say? Buffy: Say? You mean when I straightforwardly asked him what was going on? Willow: So you bailed? Buffy: I couldn't. I mean, not ... Willow: Enough. Stop with the crazy. Go talk to Angel. Buffy: But I ... Willow: No. Go. I give you leave to go. (points her finger away) Buffy: Thank you. Buffy leaves. ---------------------------------------- Night. In Angel's mansion. Faith enters. Angel: Faith. Faith: Hey. Sorry to bust in uninvited. Angel: What do you want. Faith: Look, I'm not so good at apologies. Mostly because I think the world's out to screw me so I'm generally more owed than owing. But I've been thinking about last night and I want you to know I was really sorry. Angel: It's alright, Faith. Faith: No, it's not alright. Yeah, I was freaked and needed somebody, but you're with Buffy. I should know better. Angel: Yeah, okay. When Faith gets within arm's reach, Angel backs away. Faith: You don't trust me. Angel: It's not that. Faith: Hey, no problem. Join the club. She turns her back. He approaches her. Angel: Look, Faith. I know what you're going through, alright, and how hard it can be. It's important you have somebody who's been there and who understands what you're going through. (He grasps Faith by the shoulders and turns her around.) Look, I want to trust you. Faith: Chump. She has a vial of blood in her hand and splashes it on his chest. Out of the shadows steps the Mage. His skin is blue and his eyes shine yellow. He starts chanting a spell. Angel: Faith! Faith: I wanted to do this the old-fashioned way, but hey, your loss. Lucky I've got some tricks Buffy don't know yet. Angel: You don't have to do this. Faith: I know, but it's fun. Now relax, it'll be over soon. The Mage continues chanting. Lights flow from his hand and congeal around Angel's body. The lights fade and the Mage disappears into the shadows. Angel falls to the floor. He gets up and his face is vamped. Angel and Faith kiss. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- The kiss continues. Angel: Thanks, so much. (slaps Faith away) It's good to have the taste of a Slayer back in my mouth. It's like cigarettes, you know, just when I thought I'd quit. (kicks Faith in the side) No, don't get up. It's good to be back in Sunnydale. Nice climate, plenty to eat, no tortured humanity to hold me down. (Faith flips herself up.) But you know what bothers me? (Angel grabs her by the neck) You don't seem to be getting the big picture here, Faith. Now I don't know why you turned me, but I'm just glad you did. Faith breaks free and kicks him away. She pulls out a stake. Faith: I've got my reasons. Angel: Let me guess. You summoned back the true Angelus because you need a new boy toy. Doesn't work that way. They exchange blows. They stand, Angel holding Faith's stake arm up. Faith: You wanna be smart? You listen to me. Angel: Funny thing about vampires, Faith. We don't establish meaningful dialogue with Slayers. Faith: Not how Buffy tells it. Faith kicks him in the knee, driving him to the ground, and jumps astride him, thr*at him with the stake. Angel: (chuckles) I should have known you'd like it on top. Faith: You want to listen or you want to die? Angel: As long as you're there, I mostly want you to wriggle. But I'm listening. Faith: Last time you got like this, Buffy kicked your ass all the way back to hell. You want to do better this time? Angel: Still listening. (his face shifts to human) Faith: Good boy. Now all you got to do is play nice and call truce and I'll hook you up with the real power in this town. Interested? Angel: Very. Faith: Then get ready to meet the new boss. They kiss. ---------------------------------------- In the library. Buffy, Willow, Oz, Xander, and Cordelia (really bored) sit at the table. Wesley stands in front. Giles stands in the background. Wesley: Our enemy has us at a disadvantage. We seem to be consistently one step behind him. Now he has the Books of Ascenscion. We must take definitive action. Cordelia: You have the greatest voice. Have you ever thought about doing books on tape? Xander: Way to focus CC. Wesley: Yes, let's, uh, let's try to stay on track. We need everyone working together here. Where's Angel? Buffy: I don't know. I went to the mansion but he wasn't there. Wesley: And Faith? Buffy: She's missing too. Willow: Which means nothing. Two unconnected events. Buffy: What should we do? Giles: Buffy, I think you should try to retrieve the Books of Ascenscion. Check out the Mayor's office but be damned careful. Do not confront the Mayor. We don't know a thing about him. Buffy: I'll go home and stock up on w*apon. Slip into something a little more break-and-enterish. Giles: Right. Willow, how far did you get with the Mayor's files? Cordelia: Excuse me, I believe Wesley is running this meeting. Wesley: It's, uh, it's quite alright. Willow? Willow: It's all bad news. By the time I got through the encryptions, the files were empty. Guess he saw me coming. Oz: What about the Hall of Records? Go to the source. Wesley: Good idea. There must be information on the Mayor there. Giles: Wesley, why don't you take the group and start looking? Wesley: Right. Cordelia: (pops up) I'm in Wesley's group. Giles: There is just the one group. Cordelia: Yes! And I am in it. Xander: Anyone mind if I skip the trip? I'm gonna cruise town, keep my ear to the ground, and I think five's a crowd. Cordelia: It really is. Oz: I'll drive. Willow: (proud of Oz) They liked your plan. Giles: Anyone finds anything, check in with me. (to Buffy) Be careful. ---------------------------------------- In the Mayor's office. The Mayor sits behind his desk. Faith and Angel stand in front of it. Faith: So, can I keep him? Mayor: Let's just take things step by step for the moment. Now then, Angelus, may I call you Angel? Angel: Well, actually, I'm thinking more along the lines of you calling me Master. Mayor: (unfazed) Ah. You know, Angelus, attitude may get you attention, but courtesy wins respect. (chuckles) I am the one responsible for your new attitude. Angel picks up a letter opener, drags it across the desk surface. He starts prowling around the office. Angel: That's why I'm here. Mayor: No problems with the transition? No side effects? Angel: Had a soul, now I'm free. Mayor: That's terrific! Poetic too. Not that I read much poetry except for those little ones in the Reader's Digest. You know, some of those are quite catchy. (chuckles) Angel: Hey, I don't mean to rush things here but are you trying to get to some kind of point? Mayor: Kids today. Rush rush rush. Well the point, Angel, is you're a very powerful young man, good for Faith, and there just may be future for you in Sunnydale. I see you're admiring my letter opener. Angel: Well, actually, I was thinking of s*ab you through the heart with it. The Mayor turns his chair to face Angel and spreads his hands. Mayor: Please do. Angel throws the blade at the Mayor's chest. The Mayor brings his right hand in front of it and the blade embeds itself up to the handle though his palm. Mayor: Nice sh*t. The Mayor pulls the blade out of his hand and holds his palm up so they can see the wound heal itself in seconds. Mayor: You see, I'm what you might call impervious. Can't be k*lled, or harmed in any way. (wipes the blade with a tissue) And that's just a cornerstone in my plans for this great town of ours. Angel: Mmmm. Can't be k*lled, but you don't like germs? Mayor: Uck, eew, awful things, unsanitary. But my question is, now that Faith has brought you back, what are your intentions? Angel: Well, gee, sir, I thought I'd find that Slayer that's given you so much trouble and t*rture, maim, and k*ll her. Mayor: Fine! You know it's nice to see you're not one of those slacker types running around town today. t*rture Buffy. k*lling her's fine, just make it a slow one. Angel: My favorite kind. Mayor: Wonderful, wonderful. We don't want a replacement Slayer anytime soon. They can't all turn out like my girl Faith. (Faith smiles) Have fun. Faith: Let's do it. Mayor: Uh, try to have her home by eleven. Angel and Faith leave. Mayor: She's not a little girl anymore. ---------------------------------------- Night. Xander is walking in a deserted street. Xander: I love when you talk, Wesley. I love when you sing, Wesley. Can you say the words jailbait, Wesley? Limey bastard. (sees Angel and Faith approach) Hey guys! Man, where you been? You gotta find Buffy. She's going to her place and stocking up on ... Angel casually smacks Xander in the jaw without breaking stride. Xander falls limply to the ground. Faith doesn't even look at him. Angel: That guy just bugs me. ---------------------------------------- Night. Angel knocks on Buffy's front door and Joyce opens it. Joyce: Faith. Angel. Angel: Hi, Joyce, nice to see you. Is Buffy home? Joyce: Upstairs. Please tell me it's not some vampire thing. Angel: The only vampire here is me, Joyce. Say, you change your hair? Joyce: (shrugs) Highlights. Angel: Nice. Cut to Buffy's room. She's loading a bag with w*apon. Faith and Angel enter. Faith: Knock knock. Buffy: Where have you guys been? Angel: Been looking for you. Good thing we found you before we left. (kisses the top of Buffy's head) Faith: We got the books. Angel: They're at the mansion. Faith: We'd take 'em to Giles ourselves, but I think strength in numbers is the way to go. Come on. Angel: (Takes the w*apon bag) Let me get those for you. Cut to the mansion. The trio enters. Buffy: Okay, let's get the books someplace safe. Where are they? Angel: Actually, there's been a slight change in plan, Buff. Buffy: Buff? You just called ... What's the matter with you? Faith stands back and watches the show with a little smile. Angel: Nothing. (his face has vamped) Matter of act, I haven't felt this good in a long time. Buffy: Angel? Angel: You know, I never properly thanked you for sending me to hell. Buffy: No. Angel: Yeah, and I'm just wondering where do I start? Card? Fruit basket? Evisceration? (grasps Buffy's arms) Buffy: No. Angel: Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Maybe there's still some good deep down inside of me that remembers and loves you. If only you could reach me. Then again, we have reality. Buffy breaks away from him. Buffy: I will k*ll you before I let you touch me. Faith, we need to get out of here, now. Faith: Speak for yourself, B. Me, I like it here. Angel growls and Buffy turns to him. He knocks her out with a roundhouse blow. Angel: One thing I learned about Buffy, she's so cute when she's sleeping. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- In the Hall of Records. Wesley, Cordelia, and Willow sit at a table pouring over books. Cordelia: Hey! I know a way to make investigating the Mayor even more boring. On second thought, no, I don't. Oz brings a book to the table with an old picture of the Mayor. Oz: Hey, whoa. Willow: Whoa. Big hey whoa. Guys, check this out. Wow, like father, like son. They compare a shiny new photo of the Mayor with the old photo. Oz: How about like exact same guy, like exact same guy? Wesley: Mayor Wilkins is over one hundred years old. He's not human. Xander enters. Xander: I, uh, hate to spoil the mood, but this is so much worse than you think. Willow: Xander, what happened to you? Xander: You know how some people hate to say I told you so? Not me. I told you so. Angel's back in the really bad sense, and uh, I told you so. Wesley: Angelus has turned? Xander, this is terribly serious. Are you sure? Xander: Gee, let me think. Kind of hard to tell. Last thing I remember was his fist. Wesley: We must contact Giles immediately. Xander: Good thinking. Let's waste time with a lively debate. Leave Buffy alone. See how d*ad she gets. Cordelia: Slow down, Xander. This isn't Wesley's fault. Xander: Actually, it is. Faith was your responsibility. Guess who's Angel's new playmate? Willow: Faith and Angel? Together? Xander: Imagine the possibilities. ---------------------------------------- In the mansion. Angel (human face) is chaining Buffy to the wall. Faith watches. Angel: Morning, sleepyhead. You know what I just can't believe? All of our time together and we never tried chains. Well, can't dwell on the past, especially with the future we have ahead. Faith: Bondage looks good on you, B. The outfit's all wrong, but, hey! Buffy: You don't know what you're doing. Faith: Really? Weird, because something about all this just feels so right. Maybe it's one of those unhappy childhood things. See, when I was a kid I used to beg my mom for a dog. Didn't matter what kind. I just wanted, you know, something to love. (kisses Angel) A dog's all I wanted. Well, that and toys. (lifts a blanket to reveal t*rture instruments) But mom was so busy, you know, enjoying the drinking and passing out parts of life, that I never really got what I wanted, until now. Buffy: Faith, listen to me very closely. Angel's a k*ller. When he's done with me, he'll turn on you. Angel: She's right. I probably will. Faith: Yeah? Hunh. Guess we'll just have to keep you around for a while then. Before we get started, I just want you to know, if you're a screamer, feel free. Buffy: Why, Faith? What's in it for you? Faith: What isn't? You know, I come to Sunnydale. I'm the Slayer. I do my job kicking ass better than anyone. What do I hear about everywhere I go? Buffy. So I slay, I behave, I do the good little girl routine. And who's everybody thank? Buffy. Buffy: It's not my fault. Faith: Everybody always asks, why can't you be more like Buffy? But did anyone ever ask if you could be more like me? Angel: I know I didn't. Faith: You get the Watcher. You get the mom. You get the little Scooby g*ng. What do I get? Jack squat. This is supposed to be my town! Buffy: Faith, listen to me! Faith: Why? So you can impart some special Buffy wisdom, that it? Do you think you're better than me? Do you? Say it, you think you're better than me. Buffy: I am. Always have been. Faith: Um, maybe you didn't notice. Angel's with me. Buffy: And how did you get him, Faith? Magic? Cast some sort of spell? Cause in the real world, Angel would never touch you and we both know it. Faith backhands Buffy. Buffy: You had to tie me up to b*at me. There's a word for people like you, Faith. Loser. Faith: Uh huh. You're just trying to make me mad so I'll k*ll you. I'm too smart for that. Stick around. Buffy: For what? Your boss's lame Ascenscion. Like I couldn't stop it. Faith: You can't. Buffy: I will. Faith: Keep dreaming. No one can stop the Ascenscion. Mayor's got it wired, B. He built this town for demons to feed on and come graduation day, he's getting paid. And I'll be sitting at his right hand. Assuming he has hands after the transformation. I'm not too clear on that part. And all your little lame ass friends are going to be kibbles'n'bits. Think about that when your boyfriends cutting into you. Buffy: I never knew you had so much rage in you. Faith: What can I say? I'm the world's best actor. Angel: Second best. Faith turns to Angel in surprise. Buffy: Graduation day. You think we missed anything? Angel: I think we know everything she knows. Buffy: May I say something? (pulls her hands free) Psych! Faith: You played me. You played me! The Scooby g*ng bursts in the front door. Faith throws Angel into the g*ng's path. Faith and Buffy fight. The g*ng wards off Angelus with crosses and stakes. Buffy and Faith end in a standoff, each holding a Kn*fe to the other's throat. Faith: What are you gonna do, B, k*ll me? You become me. You're not ready for that, yet. Faith grabs Buffy's neck and kisses her on the forehead. Faith runs away. Willow: Are you okay? Buffy looks at Angel. Angel avoids her gaze. ---------------------------------------- In the library. The Scooby g*ng and Wesley. Giles and the Mage stand face to face. Mage: The task is finished. Giles: Yes. Thank you for coming to me and for that rather effective light show you put on. Mage: This restores the balance between us, Rupert Giles. My debt to you is now repaid in full. Do not call upon me. Giles: I shan't. Peace with you. Mage: And with you. The Mage walks backward, fading into thin air. Willow: His debt to you is repaid? What did you do? Giles: I introduced him to his wife. Wesley: Well, I for one protest. You pitted Slayer against Slayer in a dangerous charade that could've gotten them both k*lled, without informing me! I'm telling the Council! (storms off) Giles: I think you should. (Wesley stops) We have a rogue Slayer on our hands. I can't think of anything more dangerous. Buffy: At least now we know. Giles: And we know a little bit more about the Ascenscion. Willow: Graduation day. There's a big scary un-fun. At least Angel's not bad, though. That's good, right? Xander: Yes, I feel so much better knowing that he broke my face in a good way. It's a good bruise. Buffy: (sad) He was only acting, Xander. It was just an act. ---------------------------------------- Daylight. In Faith's new apartment. Mayor: Well, you win some, you lose some. From where I'm sitting, it's batting average that counts. So you lost some friends. Faith: I wouldn't exactly call them friends. Mayor: Well, what are you worried about? Chin up! You don't see me looking disappointed. Heck, no. You know why? Because I know you'll always have me, Faith. I'm the best, the most important friend you'll ever have. Besides, you know, once the Ascenscion starts, the 'in' crowd you're so concerned about? Whoo! They'll be lucky if there's enough left of them to fill a pothole. Promise. Still unhappy? Okey doke. I've got two words that are going to make all the pain go away. Miniature golf. (grins) Faith shakes her head and breaks into a big smile. ---------------------------------------- In Angel's mansion. Buffy enters. Angel: How you doing? Buffy: Been better. Angel: Not hard to believe. You were a real soldier last night, Buffy. Buffy: That's me. One of the troops. Angel: I know how hard it was for you. Buffy: I really doubt that. Angel: Is there anything I can do to make it better? Buffy: Look, I know you only did what I asked. And we, we got what we wanted. Angel: I never wanted it to go that far. Buffy: I know that. It's not even a question of that. It's just, after ... I need a little bit of a break. Please. (walks away) Angel: You still my girl? Buffy: Always. (leaves) End credits.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x17 - Enemies"}

foreverdreaming

In the Mayor's office. Faith is sitting at the desk with her eyes closed. A present is laying on the desk in front of her. The Mayor stands by her side. Mayor: Alright, you can open them up now. Faith sees the present and smiles up at him. Faith: Fab. What's the occasion? Mayor: Faith! As if I need a reason to show you my affection. Or appreciation for running a small errand at the airport. Faith: Airport? What's next? Gonna want me to help a buddy of yours move a sofa? Mayor: This isn't a free ride, young lady. You know, I'm beginning to think that somebody's getting a little spoiled. Maybe I should take this back. Faith: (clutches the present) Sorry... Sir. Mayor: That's my girl. (chuckles) Another cookie? (Faith takes one) Now. A package is arriving tomorrow night from Central America. Something, and I can't stress this enough, something crucially important to my Ascension. Without it ... Well! What would Toll House cookies be without the chocolate chips? A pretty darn big disappointment, I can tell you. (giggles) Open your present. (she does) There. That look on your face is my reward. The present is a Kn*fe with an intricate design. Faith: This is a thing of beauty, boss. Mayor: Well, it cost a pretty penny. So, you just take good care of it. And you be careful not to put somebody's eye out with that thing, until I tell you to. Faith: Any particular eyes in mind? ---------------------------------------- Night, in a graveyard. Angel and Buffy are fighting a pair of vampires. Buffy trips her opponent into Angel's legs. Buffy: Sorry, honey! Angel: That's okay. They finish off both vampires. Buffy: Well, there's something you don't see every day. Unless, of course, you're me. Angel: That was bracing. Want to do another sweep? Buffy: It's what I live for. Sad to say. Angel: You too tired? Buffy: No. It's just... Do you get the feeling that we're kind of in a rut? Angel: A rut? Buffy: You never take me any place new. Angel: What about that f*re demon nest in the cave by the beach? I felt that was a nice change of pace. Buffy: So this is our future? This is how we're going to spend our nights when I'm fifty and you're ... the same age you are now. They hear a growl offstage. Angel: Let's just get you to fifty. Buffy: Liking that plan. Opening credits. ----------------------------------------------------------- In the Summers house. Buffy sits at the table, flipping through a book. Joyce enters from the hall. Joyce: Buffy? When were you going to tell me? Buffy: Alright, busted. I didn't think you'd miss them. (takes off earrings) Joyce: You were accepted to Northwestern University. Honey, I'm so proud of you! That's wonderful! Buffy: (less enthusiastic) Right! It's wonderful. Joyce: I mean, it's not cheap, but, uh, I know we can make it work if your father pitches in. Not that Northwestern is your only option. It's a great school, though. I am so proud of you. Buffy: You said that before. Joyce: And will again soon. Buffy: Mom, you know that I can't ... I-I just can't decide on a school right now. I mean I want to sleep on it, you know, mull it over. Raise them up my inner flagpole, see which one I salute. Joyce: I know, sweetheart. I'm just so pleased that you have so many choices. Ooh, you know what? Your aunt Arleen and her family are in Illinois. I've got to call and tell them. Oh, Buffy? Buffy: I know, you're proud of me. Joyce: Ah, don't forget to put my earrings back in my dresser before you go out. Arleen? Hi! It's Joyce. How you doing? Listen, you are never going to believe where Buffy got accepted to school! ---------------------------------------- Daylight on campus. One guy sits at a picnic table. A second guy drops a paper bag on the table and sits opposite the first guy. Guy #2: Here you go. Guy #1: Thanks. Snyder: (swoops in) Okay, what's in the bag? Guy #1: My lunch. Snyder: Is that the new drug lingo? (takes the bag, looks inside) Guy #1: No, it's my lunch. Snyder: (drops the bag on the table) Sit up straight. (marches off) Camera zooms past Snyder to another table: Willow and Oz sit opposite Buffy. Willow: Sounds like your mom's in a state of denial. Buffy: More like a continent. She just has to realize that I can't go away. Willow: Well, maybe not now, but soon, maybe. Or maybe I too hail from Denial Land. Buffy: Faith's turn to the dark side of the Force pretty much put the proverbial kibosh on any away plans for me. UC Sunnydale – at least I got in. You! I mean I can't believe you got into Oxford! Willow: It's pretty exciting. Oz: That's some deep academia there. Buffy: That's where they make Gileses. Willow: I know! I could learn and, and have scones. Although I-I don't know how I feel about going to school in a foreign country. Xander is sitting at a nearby tree reading Jack Kerouac's _On the Road_. Xander: Everything in life is foreign territory. Kerouac. He's my teacher. The open road is my school. Buffy: Making the open dumpster your cafeteria? Xander: Go ahead, mock me. Oz: I think she just did. Xander: We Bohemian anti-establishment types have always been persecuted. Oz: Well, sure. You're all so weird. Willow: I think it's neat, you doing the backpack, trail mix, happy wanderer thing. Xander: I'm aware it scores kinda high on the hokey-meter, but I think it will be good for me. You know, help me to find myself. Cordelia walks between the table and Xander's tree. Cordelia: And help us to lose you. Everyone's a winner. Xander: (getting up) Well, look who just popped open a fresh can of venom. Hey, did you hear about Willow getting into Oxnard? Willow: Oxford. Xander: Oxford. And M.I.T. and Yale and every other college on the face of the planet. As in your face I rub it. Cordelia: Oxford? Whoopee! Four years in tea-bag central. Sounds thrilling. And M.I.T. is a Clearasil ad with housing. And Yale is a dumping ground for those who didn't get into Harvard. Willow: I got into Harvard. Xander: Any clue on what college you might be attending so we can start calculating minimum safe distance? Cordelia: None of your business. Certainly nowhere near you losers! Buffy: Okay, you guys, don't forget to breathe between insults. Cordelia: I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future. (leaves) Oz: An angry young woman. Willow: Oh Buffy, she was just being Cordelia, only more so. Don't pay any attention to her. Xander: She's definitely got a chip going. Willow: Maybe if you didn't goad her so much? Xander: I can't help it. It's my nature. Willow: Maybe you need a better nature. ---------------------------------------- Buffy and Wesley walk into the library. Wesley: I don't understand. Buffy: Well, I don't think I can talk any slower, Wes. I want to leave. Wesley: What? Now? Buffy: No, not now. After I graduate, you know, college? Wesley: But, you're a Slayer. Buffy: Yeah, I'm also a person. You can't just define me by my Slayer-ness. That's ... something-ism. Giles is listening from the door of his office. Giles: Buffy, I know we've talked about you going away... Buffy: I got into Northwestern. Giles: That's wonderful news. Good for you. Wesley: Alright, everyone. Monsters, demons, world in peril? Buffy: I bet you they have all that stuff in Illinois. Wesley: You cannot leave Sunnydale. By the power invested in me by the Council, I forbid it. (said while crossing his wrists over his heart - watcher authority hand signal?) Buffy rolls her eyes and turns her back on Wesley. Giles: Ah yes, that should settle it. Wesley: (counting on fingers) Faith gone bad, and the Mayor's Ascension coming up, ... Buffy: I know it's complicated. I'm aware that my graduation may be, among other things, posthumous, but... What if I stop the Ascension? What if I capture Faith? Giles: I very much hope you will. Buffy: If I do that, then all you guys have to do is keep the run of the mill unholy forces at bay through mid-terms and I'll be back in time for Homecoming, and every school break after that. Can we at least think about it? Wesley: Perhaps if circumstances were different. Buffy: I'll make them different. Wesley: What? Buffy: I'm tired of waiting for Mayor McSleaze to make his move while we sit on our hands counting down to Ascension Day. I mean, let's take the fight to him. Wesley: No. No! Much too reckless. We're at a distinct disadvantage. We don't know anything about the Mayor's Ascension... Giles: She's right. Time's running out. We need to take the offensive. (to Buffy) What's your plan? Buffy: I gotta have a plan? Really? I can't just be proactive with pep? Giles: No. You want to take the fight to them? I suggest the first step would be to find out exactly what they're up to. Buffy: Oh. I actually knew that. I thought you meant a more specific plan, you know, like with maps and stuff. Great. We'll find out what they're up to. ---------------------------------------- Night, at the airport. A small plane taxies to a stop and a man leaves the plane carrying a box. A vampire waits by a limo with a briefcase. Box man: Is he in the car? Vampire: No, I'll take you to him. (opens the limo door) Camera zooms in to show the box handcuffed to the man's right hand. The man kicks the limo door shut. Box man: The Mayor was supposed to be here in person with the money. Well, the price just went up. I don't like surprises. Impact sound. The head of an arrow appears through the front of his shirt - Faith has sh*t him through the back. Faith: Surprise. Faith climbs down from her hiding place and approaches the body. Vampire: You k*lled him. Faith: What are you, the narrator? Keys to the cuffs? The vampire searches the man's clothing. Vampire: Nothing. Faith pulls out her flashy new Kn*fe. Vampire: That won't cut through steel. Faith: No, but it will cut through bone. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- Night. The limo pulls up in front of City Hall. Faith carries the box inside. Buffy is watching from the bushes. Cut to inside the Mayor's office. Faith kicks in the door and carries the box inside. Mayor: Hey ho! There it is! Hahahaha! Ah, what happened to the courier? I was supposed to pay him. Faith: Hunh. Made him an offer he couldn't survive. (takes the money) Mayor: (chuckles) You are one heck of a girl, you know that? I mean geez, the initiative, the - the skill. Faith: Go on, go on. (sits down) Mayor: I will. You know, I'll tell you, if Buffy ... (Faith props her feet on the desk. The Mayor frowns.) Hey hey hey hey. (Faith drops her feet.) If Buffy Summers walked in here and said she wanted to switch to our side, I'd say (snaps his fingers) no thanks, sister, I've got all the Slayer one man could ever need. (chuckles) Faith sighs. Mayor: What? Faith: Nothing. Mayor: Oh, it's cause I used the B-word, huh? Don't tell me you're still sore about that whole Angel-Buffy thing. Faith: No, I'm over it. She can have him. Mayor: Better believe she can. She deserves that poor excuse for a creature of the night. You, on the other hand, can do better. Faith is fidgeting and begins toying with the clasp of the box. The Mayor slams his hands down on top of the box. Mayor: Don't do that. ---------------------------------------- Night. The limo pulls to a stop in a parking lot. The vampire driver hears a noise and looks back through the rear window. Buffy smashes the driver's side window with her fist and pulls his upper body out of the window. Buffy: (peppy) So, what's in the box? Cut to the library. Buffy sits at the table looking at a book. Xander and Wesley look on. Buffy: The Box of Gavrock. It houses some great demonic energy or something which His Honor needs to chow down on come A-Day. Giles and Willow enter. Giles carries some large drawings. Wesley: What's that? Giles: Maps. And stuff. Willow: Plans for City Hall. They were in the Water and Power mainframe. Buffy: The box is being kept under guard in a conference room on the top floor. (points to a map sheet) There. Unfortunately, that's all I could get out of my informant before his aggressive tendencies forced me to introduce him to Mr. Pointy. Wesley: Well, now, here's what I think we should do... Buffy: I figure we can enter through the skylight. I'll take Angel with me. Giles: Agreed. Xander: And there's a f*re ladder on the east side of the building, (points) here. Wesley: Yes, yes, fine, but we still need to consider whether the Mayor... Giles: It won't be enough to simply have possession of the box. Willow: Right, we have to destroy it. Not just physically - ritually, with some down and dirty black magic. Wesley: Hang on. We don't know what such a ritual would require. Giles: (flipping through a book) I think the Breath of the Atropyx is standard for this sort of thing. Fairly simple recipe. Xander? Wesley attempts to read over Giles's shoulder but Giles hands the book to Xander. Xander: I know. I'm ingredient getting guy. Wesley: Alright, stop! I demand everyone STOP this instant! (everyone looks at him) I'm in charge here and I say this is all moving much too fast. We need time to fully analyze the situation and devise a proper and strategic strategem. Buffy: Wes, hop on the train or get off the tracks. Wesley: The Mayor will most assuredly have supernatural safeguards protecting the box. (silence) Oh, we all forgot about that, did we? Buffy: Looks like a job for Wiccan girl. What do you say, Will? Big time danger. Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. Xander: But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods. Buffy: Let's get to work. The g*ng files past Wesley. Giles pushes a map into Wesley's hands. Wesley mopes for a moment, then turns to follow. ---------------------------------------- Daylight. Xander is walking along a street and pauses at the window of a shop. He sees Cordelia inside holding up a dress. He starts, stops, looks for a moment more. He goes inside. Xander: I have a theory. Your snide remarks earlier? I'm guessing grapes a little on the sour side. Didn't get into any schools, did you? The grades were there, but ooh, if it weren't for that pesky interview. Ten minutes with you and the Admissions Department decided that they'd already reached their mean-spirited superficial princess quotas. Cordelia: And once again, the gold medal in the Being Wrong event goes to Xander "I'm as stupid as I look" Harris. (takes envelopes from her purse) Read 'em and weep, creep. USC, Colorado State, Duke, and Columbia. Xander: Wow! These are great colleges. I'm guessing they must have seen a different side of your father's money. Cordelia: (snatches the letters away from him) Go away. Xander: Sure! If you'll excuse me, I have to go back to helping to save some lives. Carry on. I know that you have some important accessorizing to do. Xander leaves. Cordelia looks unhappy. ---------------------------------------- Night. A dark van stops in a parking lot. Wesley is driving, Giles rides g*n. Buffy, Angel, and Willow get out. Giles: Now remember, if anything should go awry, Wesley and I will create a diversion. Wesley: Let's synchronize our watches. I have twenty-one four... Buffy and Willow are holding up their bare wrists. Wesley: Yes, typical. Willow: Maybe we could just count. One one thousand, two one thousand, ... Giles: Be careful, all of you. The trio marches off. Giles turns to Wesley. Giles: Tea? Angel pulls down the f*re ladder. Willow starts climbing. ---------------------------------------- In the library. Oz places a large ceramic pot on a pedestal. Xander enters carrying a paper bag. Oz: You got the goods? Xander: Yeah. (starts pulling plastic baggies out) Essence of toad, twice-blessed sage, maybe that's the toad? Oz: Well, we better be sure. Destroying this box is supposed to be a pretty delicate operation. Xander: Well, then, they shouldn't leave it in the hands of the lay people. Oz: Oh, Willow laid it out for us pretty well. (shows him Willow's papers) Xander: Wow! She even drew helpful diagrams. That's the pedestal. Oz: And the ingredients. And us. See, there's you and there's me. Xander: Well, how can you tell which is which? I mean, they both look kinda stick-figurey to me. Oz: Well, this one's me. See the little guitar. Xander: Oh, gotcha. Oz: Nobody like my Willow. Xander: No sir, there is not. Oz moves to the pot and drops three gold pieces in. Oz: Okay, toad me. Xander throws him a plastic bag. ---------------------------------------- Night, on the roof of City Hall. The trio can see the box through the skylight. Angel opens the skylight. Buffy hands Willow a book and a bottle containing salt or sand. Willow reads a spell (in Latin?) while pouring the sand over the box. As the sand falls, a blue force field appears around the box, then suddenly disappears. Willow: (big smile) Oh yeah, I'm bad. Buffy: Four stars, Will. Now get going. Willow: I'm gone. Willow leaves by the f*re ladder. Angel fits Buffy with a harness and sets up a pully system. He lowers her down over the box (like the Mission Impossible movie) Buffy: Got it! As she lifts the box off the table, an alarm bell rings. Angel is pulling on the cord, but Buffy doesn't move. Buffy: Angel! Angel: It's jammed. Buffy: I'd like very much to come up now, please. Angel! Angel: I know! Two vampires enter the room with a growl. Buffy: Don't suppose you want to help me get down. (they growl) Didn't think so. Angel leaps down to the table. They fight. Buffy gets in a neat kick using a vertical spin in the trapeze harness, then gets out of it. Buffy and Angel escape the room with the vampire guards in pursuit. Cut to outside. Buffy and Angel run out of the building and dart right. As the vampires leave the building, the black van accelerates past the door and the vampires chase it. Buffy and Angel stand up and watch from their hiding place in the bushes, then run the other way. ---------------------------------------- In the wrecked conference room. The Mayor surveys the damage while the vampire guards stand with their heads down. Mayor: Well, this is very unfortunate. I just had this conference room redecorated, for Pete's sake. At taxpayers' expense. And, oh yeah ... (the cheerful facade breaks and with a burst of rage, he smashes a chair) They've got my box. Faith walks in, holding a Kn*fe to Willow's neck. Faith: Yeah they do, but looky what we got. Big smile from the Mayor. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- In the library. Scooby g*ng minus Willow. Buffy: How did you guys let ... How did this happen? Giles: We thought she stayed with you. Angel: They must have grabbed her when she h*t the ground. Buffy, I'm sorry. Buffy: Look, it's nobody's fault, okay. We just need to focus and deal. Oz, I swear I won't let them hurt her. Xander: We go back. Full-on as*ault. Giles: They'll k*ll her. Wesley: We're assuming they haven't already. Buffy: No. No, they know what she means to us. She's too valuable as long as we still have the box. We trade. Wesley: We can't. Buffy: No, it's the safest plan. (to Giles) It's the only way, right? Giles: It might well be. Buffy: Look, we call the Mayor and arrange a meeting. Wesley: This box must be destroyed. Xander: I need a volunteer to h*t Wesley. Wesley: Giles, you know I'm right about this. Buffy: Wes, you want to duck and cover at this point? Wesley: Damn it, you listen to me! This box is the key to the Mayor's Ascension. Thousands of lives depend on our getting rid of it. Now I want to help Willow as much as the rest of you, but we will find another way. Buffy: There is no other way. Wesley: You're the one who said take the fight to the Mayor. You were right. This is the town's best hope of survival. It's your chance to get out. Buffy: You think I care about that? Are you made of human parts? Giles: Alright! Let's deal with this rationally. Buffy: Why are you taking his side? The outbursts of Buffy, Giles, and Wesley clash for a moment, then Wesley's voice breaks out of the babble. Wesley: You'd sacrifice thousands of lives? Your families, your friends? Oz has been sitting through all this. He gets up and walks behind Wesley. Wesley: It can all end right here. We have the means to destroy this box. Oz picks up the pot for the box-destroying ritual and throws it into a display case, smashing both to shards. Everyone looks at each other. Buffy: Giles, make the phone call. ---------------------------------------- In City Hall, in a musty storeroom. Willow is banging on a locked window, trying to open it. She gives up on the window and pulls out a desk drawer, making a lot of noise. A vampire guard enters the room. Guard: What are you doing? Willow: Oh, uh, I'm looking for a sucking candy, cause my mouth gets dry when I'm nervous, or held prisoner against my will. The vampire slowly approaches her with a hungry look. Willow: And suddenly I'm thinking sucking isn't a good word to use around vampires. Hey! Did you get permission to eat the hostage? I don't think so. You're going to be in some trouble when the Mayor ...Ow! The vampire grabs her shoulders and presses her against a wall. Guard: Just a little taste. As he leans in for the bite, a pencil from the desk drawer floats up behind him and s*ab him in the back. He crumbles to dust. Willow leaves the room and starts down a hallway. A door opens and she hears Faith and the Mayor. Willow quickly hides in another room and listens as they pass. Faith: She's not gonna be brain-d*ad but she'd be to come back here tonight. Mayor: Ever had a dog? Faith: What? Mayor: I did. Rusty. Irish setter. A dog's friendship is stronger than reason, stronger than it's own sense of self-preservation. Buffy's like a dog, and hey, before you can say Jack Robinson, you'll get to see me k*ll her like one. Faith and the Mayor walk down the hall. Willow starts to run the other way, but stops at the open door to the Mayor's office. She enters, closes the door, and finds the Mayor's cupboard of skulls and magic stuff. She finds a hidden compartment containing the Books of Ascension, and begins skimming the pages. Faith: Check out the bookworm. (standing in the office door) Willow: Faith! Faith: Anyone with brains, anyone who knew what was going to happen to her, would try to claw her way out of this place. But you, you just can't stop Nancy Drew-ing, can you? Guess now you know too much and that kinda just naturally leads to k*lling. Willow: Faith, wait. I want to talk to you. Faith: Oh yeah? Give me the speech again, please. Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late. Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste. Faith punches Willow in the jaw and she falls to the ground. Faith: You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient. Willow climbs back to her feet. Willow: Aw, here I just thought you didn't have a come-back. Faith: You're begging for some deep pain. Willow: I'm not afraid of you. Faith pulls out the fancy Kn*fe. Faith: Let's see what we can do about that. The Mayor is standing in the doorway. Mayor: Girls, I hope I don't have to separate you two. Faith, you can play with your new toy later. Something's come up. Faith keeps holding the Kn*fe to Willow's neck, staring into her eyes. Mayor: Faith! You know I don't like repeating myself. Faith: (to Willow) I got someone. I got him. Mayor: I just received a heck of an interesting phone call. ---------------------------------------- Night. In the Sunnydale High cafeteria. The Scooby g*ng waits for the Mayor. Giles holds a baseball bat. Oz tests a locked door. Oz: The whole place is locked down, except for the front. Xander: Yeah, it gives me that comforting trapped feeling. Buffy: One way out means one way in. I want to see them coming. The lights go out, leaving the room dimly lit by outside lights. Xander: Guess they're shy. Angel: I can see alright. The two vampire guards push open the front doors, followed by the Mayor, then Faith holding Willow. The two groups stop and glare at each other. The Mayor and Buffy advance to within arm's reach. Mayor: Well, this is exciting, isn't it? (chuckles) Clandestine meetings by dark of night. Exchange of prisoners. I just, I, I feel like we should all be wearing trench coats. Buffy: Let her go. Mayor: No. Not until the box is in my hands. So you're the little girl that's been causing me all this trouble. She's pretty, Angel. A little skinny. Still don't understand why it couldn't work out with you and my Faith. Guess you kind of just have strange taste in women. Angel: Well, what can I say? I like them sane. Willow makes a sound as Faith tightens her grip. Oz: Angel. Mayor: Well, I wish you kids the best, I really do. But if you don't mind a bit of fatherly advice, I, uh, I-I just don't see much of a future for you two. I don't sense a lasting relationship. And not just because I plan to k*ll you. You two have a bumpy road ahead. Buffy: I don't think we need to talk about this. Mayor: God, you kids, you know. You don't like to think about the future. You don't like to make plans. Unless you want Faith to gut your friend like a sea bass, show a little respect for your elders. Angel: You're not my elder. I've got a lotta years on you. Mayor: Yeah, and that's just one of the things you're going to have to deal with. You're immortal, she's not. It's not. I married my Edna May in ought-three and I was with her right until the end. Not a pretty picture. Wrinkled and senile and cursing me for my youth. Wasn't our happiest time. And let's not forget the fact that any moment of true happiness will turn you evil. I mean, come on. What kind of a life can you offer her? I don't see a lot of Sunday picnics in the offing. I see skulking in the shadows, hiding from the sun. She's a blossoming young girl and you want to keep her from the life she should have until it has passed her by. My God! I think that's a little selfish. Is that what you came back from Hell for? Is that your greater purpose? (he stares at Angel for a moment and then shakes his head in disgust) Make the trade. Angel and Faith trade. Faith is holding the box in the center of the room. Mayor: Well, that went smooth. Snyder and two policemen enter the front door. Snyder: Nobody moves! The Mayor steps back into the shadows as Snyder advances. One policeman locks the doors behind him. Snyder: I knew you kids were up to something. Buffy: Snyder, get out of here. Snyder: You're not giving orders, young lady. I suppose you're going to tell me I won't find drugs in this box. Snyder takes the box from Faith and turns away. Faith pulls her Kn*fe. Buffy: (to Faith) Wait! Mayor: Principal Snyder. Snyder turns at the Mayor's voice, then focuses on the drawn Kn*fe. Mayor: I think we have a problem. Snyder: Mr. Mayor, I had no idea you ... I'm terribly sorry. Mayor: No, it's I who should apologize. Coming down here at night. What must you be thinking? But you see, I just needed to ... Behind Snyder, one of the policemen is opening the box. Mayor: No! Don't do that! A spidery creature leaps out of the box onto the policeman's face. (much like the face-hugger in the Aliens movies) He starts screaming. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- The policeman attempts to pull the spider off his face, but cannot. He collapses to the floor and stops moving. The spider releases him and skitters away into the shadows. The whole thing happened so quickly, no one moved to interfere. The Scooby g*ng starts shifting positions, looking for the creature. Wesley: Oh god. Xander: Where did it go? Snyder: (to the remaining cop) Get that door open! Giles: No! You can't let that thing out of here! The policeman fumbles nervously with his keys and drops them. Xander: I still want to know where it went. Buffy: Listen. They hear subtle noises on the ceiling: skittering feet, a low keening. Everyone looks up. The spider drops onto the Mayor's face and he falls backwards onto a table. Faith: Boss! Faith rushes to his aid. She pulls the spider off and flings it into a wall. It rights itself and skitters out of sight. Giles and Wesley climb up on chairs. While everyone is looking at the Mayor, a second spider creeps out of the box. The Mayor sits up with wounds on his face which rapidly fade away. Snyder stares in horror at the Mayor's face. Mayor: Wouldn't leave that open. Buffy slams the lid of the box shut just as a third creature is climbing out. Severed limbs clatter on the floor. As she is crouched at the box, one of the spiders drops on her back. She flips onto her back, crushing it against the floor. Faith sees the second spider climbing the wall behind Wesley and draws back her arm. Wesley sees her. Wesley: No! Wesley ducks. Faith snaps the Kn*fe into the spider, k*lling it. The Mayor strides over the box and picks it up. Oz: Is that all of them? Mayor: Ah, not really. You see, there's about fifty... billion of these happy little critters in here. Would you like to see? The cop finally gets the front doors open. He and the two vampire guards race out of the room. Mayor: Raise your hand if you're invulnerable. (no replies) Faith, let's go. Faith stares at the impaled spider on the wall. Mayor: Faith. Faith stares a moment more, then follows him. Snyder is holding a chair at chest height, legs pointed outward. He turns as Faith walks by, keeping the chair between them. Buffy: Snyder, you alive in there? Snyder: You. All of you. Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people? Snyder walks out cautiously, still holding his chair like a security blanket. Wesley: Well, that went swimmingly. Buffy: We did alright. (Buffy and Willow share a look.) ---------------------------------------- In the library. Buffy and Willow sit cross-legged on the counter. Willow is very animated. Giles and Wesley stand back. Willow: So Faith was like I'm going to b*at you up and I'm all "I'm not afraid of you" and then she had the Kn*fe which was less fun a-and then, oh! I-I told her you made your choice, Buffy was your friend... Giles: This is fascinating, but let's get back to the point. You actually had your hands on the Books of Ascension? Willow: Volumes One through Five. Giles: Is there anything you can remember that could be of use to us? Anything at all? Willow: Well, I was in a hurry, and what I did read was kind of over-involved. If you ask me, way over-written. Actually, there were a few pages that looked kind of interesting but I didn't have a chance to read them fully. Giles looks disheartened. Willow pulls some folded pages out of a pocket. Willow: See what you can make of them? Giles smiles like a kid at Christmas and rushes off. Buffy: This is your night for suave, Will. You should get captured more often. Willow: No, thank you. Wesley: Well, let's hope there is something useful in those pages. The Mayor has the Box of Gavrock. As of now, we are right back where we started. Wouldn't you say? Buffy looks unhappy. ---------------------------------------- Daylight on campus. Buffy is crouched, leaning back against a tree. Willow walks up. Willow: Deep thoughts? Buffy: Deep and meaningful. Willow: As in? Buffy: As in, I'm never getting out of here. I kept thinking if I stopped the Mayor or ... but I was kidding myself. I mean, there is always going to be something. I'm a Sunnydale girl, no other choice. Willow: Must be tough. I mean, here I am, I can do anything I want. I can go to any college in the country, four or five in Europe if Iwant. Buffy: Please tell me you're going somewhere with this? Willow: No. (hands Buffy a letter) I'm not going anywhere. Buffy: UC Sunnydale? Willow: I will be matriculating with Class of 2003. Buffy: Are you serious? Willow: Say, isn't that where you're going? Buffy hugs her and they tumble onto the ground. Buffy: I can't believe it! Are you serious? Ah, wait, what am I saying? You can't. Willow: What do you mean, I can't? Buffy: I won't let you. Willow: Of the two people here, which is the boss of me? Buffy: There are better schools. Willow: Sunnydale's not bad. A-And I can design my own curriculum. Buffy: Okay, well, there are safer schools. There are safer prisons. I can't let you stay because of me. Willow: Actually, this isn't about you. Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong, of you. The other night, you know, being captured and all, facing off with Faith. Things just, kind of, got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years, and I've helped some, and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I-I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in. Buffy: I kind of love you. Willow: And, besides, I have a sh*t at being a bad ass Wiccan, and what better place to learn? Buffy: I feel the need for more sugar than the human body can handle. Willow: Mochas? Buffy: Yes, please. It's weird. You look at something and you think you know exactly what you're seeing, and then you find out it's something else entirely. Willow: Neat, huh? Buffy: Sometimes it is. ---------------------------------------- In the dress shop where Xander and Cordelia last fought. Cordelia is holding a dress in front of her, looking in a full-length mirror. A woman in a suit enters the room behind her. Woman: Chase! What are you doing? Your break's been over for ten minutes. I still need you to re-stock the shelves and clean out the storage room. Let's go. Cordelia looks at the dress for a few seconds more, then goes back to work. ---------------------------------------- Night, in a graveyard. Buffy and Angel are holding hands, sitting on a blanket, leaning against a gravestone. Buffy: It's gonna be fun. Will and I are going to go on Saturday to check out the campus. I'm hoping Mom will let me live there. It's too far to come home every night. Plus the whole lack of cool factor. Either way, I'll be close to your place. I don't know what the Mayor was talking about. How could he know anything about us? Angel: Well, he's evil. Buffy: Big time. He doesn't even know what a lasting relationship is. Angel: No. Buffy: Probably the only lasting relationship he's ever had is with evil. Angel: Yeah. Buffy: Big, stupid, evil guy. We'll be okay. Angel: We will. Buffy leans her head against Angel's chest, looking not very okay. BLACK OUT

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x19 - Choices"}

foreverdreaming

Buffy is napping in Angel's bed. Angel is watching her sleep. He smiles at her as she wakes. Buffy: (smiles) What? Do I have funny bed hair or something? Angel: Or something? Buffy: I guess we got a little carried away with the whole post-slayage nap thing. (feels her hair) Ohhh, not good. (sits up) Angel: Where you going? Buffy: To go k*ll a cat on my head. Angel: No mirrors. Buffy: You know, this place really isn't girl-friendly. No mirrors, no natural light. Angel: I think you look perfect. Buffy: Oh yeah, I really like... Okay! (lays down) Maybe we should think about getting a few mirrors. And maybe a drawer, you know, for some of my stuff. Because that's what couples do, they have drawers. Angel: Mmmm, that's right. Buffy: You know, I-I figure, that way sometimes I could spend the night. Like, after the prom, it would be nice to be able to just come back here and spend some time together. Angel: The prom? Buffy: End of high school rite of passage thingy. Think cotillion with spiked punch and electric slide. Angel: Right. Buffy: Oh, don't worry, it's at night. And lots of girls have older girlfriends. You'll blend. Angel: I think maybe you should go, hunh? Buffy: Noo.. must be a few more hours before sunrise. Buffy gets up and walks to the window. When she pulls back the blackout curtain, it lets in a blast of sunlight directly onto the bed. With an exclamation, Angel rolls out of bed away from the light, apparently unharmed. Buffy pulls the curtains closed suddenly. Buffy: Ooh, sorry. I guess it's later than we thought. Angel has a worried look. Opening credits. ----------------------------------------------------------- Daylight outside Sunnydale High. Xander is walking slowly when Anyanka intercepts him and walks beside him. Anya: Xander! Xander: Well, hey, it's demon Anya, punisher of evil males. Still haven't got your powers back? (serious) You haven't right? Anya: No. I will, though. It's just a matter of time. Xander: So now, how did that work? Women would wish horrible things upon their ex-boyfriends. You'd show up and make it happen. Anya: That's right. The power of the Wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful. Xander: Well, hey! Good luck with that. Hope it works out for you. Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them. Xander: Then why you talking to me? Anya: (averts her eyes) I don't have a date for the prom. Xander: Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch? Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me? Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which. Anya: You know, this happens to be all your fault. Xander: My fault? Anya: You were unfaithful to Cordelia so I took on the guise of a twelfth-grader to tempt her with the Wish. When I lost my powers I got stuck in this persona, and now I have all these feelings. I don't understand it. I don't like it. All I know is I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me. Xander: Be still my heart. Oh wait, it is. How come I got the short straw? Anya: You're not quite as obnoxious as most of the alpha males around here. Plus I know you don't have a date. <!-- implying Xander is an alpha male? --> Xander: I haven't settled on anyone yet. Anya: Fine. Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts. Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open. Anya: Whatever. Look, do you wanna go with me or not? Silence. Cut to a picnic table outside the school, still daylight. Oz, Willow, Buffy, and Xander. Oz: Anya, huh? Interesting choice. Xander: Choice is kind of a broad term for my situation. See, it's either Anya or the sock puppet of love for this boy. (holds his right hand in puppet shape, speaks in silly voice) I love you, Xander. I'll never leave you. Willow: Well, if Anya tries to get you k*lled, put me down for a big 'I told you so.' Xander: (puppet) Who's this Anya? Is she prettier than me? Willow: She just better not try to cross me. That's all I'm saying. Buffy: Well, at least we all have someone to go with now. Some of us are going with demons, but I think that's a valid lifestyle choice. More importantly, I have the kick dress. Willow: Ooh, the pink one? Buffy: Angel's gonna lose it. But not his soul. He's gonna lose it. His it. ---------------------------------------- In Angel's mansion. He picks up one of Buffy's notebooks and sees a doodle, "Angel & Buffy 4 Ever!" There is a knock at the door. He opens it, careful to avoid the sunlight, and lets Joyce inside. Angel: Mrs. Summers. Joyce: I'm sorry to, uh... Well, I would have called, but, you know. Angel: Please, you're always welcome. Joyce: My goodness, your place is amazing. Angel: Yeah, I like a lot of space. I don't get out much during the day. Joyce: No, you wouldn't. (Her gaze pauses on a set of manacles that are fastened to a wall.) Angel: Can I get you something? I don't have any coffee. Joyce: Oh, no thank you, I, uh... You don't drink? Beverages, I mean? Angel: No, I do. It's just the caffeine. It makes me jittery. Joyce: Oh. I understand Buffy spent the night. Angel: I'm sorry about that. We came back after patrol. Joyce: I, I'm not interested in the details. That's not why I'm here. Angel: Okay. Joyce: I'm here because I'm worried about you two. In general. Angel: What happened before, when I changed, it won't happen again. Joyce: That's not all I'm concerned about. I don't have to tell you that you and Buffy are from different worlds. Angel: No, you don't. Joyce: She's had to deal with a lot. Grew up fast. Sometimes even I forget that she's still just a girl. Angel: I'm old enough to be her ancestor. Joyce: She's just starting out in life. Angel: I know. I think about it more now that she's staying in Sunnydale. Joyce: Good. Because when it comes to you, Angel, she's just like any other young woman in love. You're all she can see of tomorrow. But I think we both know that there are some hard choices ahead. If she can't make them, you're gonna have to. I know you care about her. I just hope you care enough. ---------------------------------------- In the library. Willow, Oz, Buffy, and Xander. Buffy: So it was blue and sorta short. Willow: Not too shore, medium. And it had this weird, sorta fringey stuff on its arms. Giles: (walking in) What's that, a demon? Buffy: A prom dress that Will was thinking of getting. Can't you ever get your mind out of the hellmouth? Giles: I'd be delighted to. However, the day of the Mayor's Ascension is fast approaching and we don't know what to expect. Xander: Well, what about the pages that Will stole from the Mayor's book? Look, she put her life on the line there, pal. Don't tell me they're useless. Giles: On the contrary, no, we, uh, we know the Ascension refers to a human transforming into a demon, the living embodiment of an immortal. And Graduation Day, our Mayor Wilkins is scheduled to do just that. Wesley enters, followed closely by Cordelia. Wesley: (enters) Trouble is, we don't know which demon he is going to become. Giles: There are thousands of species. Wesley: So, it's safe to say we shouldn't waste any time of such trifling matters as a school dance. Cordelia: Well, that's too bad, because I bet you would look way 007 in a tux. Wesley: Except, of course, on the actual night, I will be aiding Mr. Giles in his chaperoning duties. Giles: What? Excuse me? Fine, fine, fine. Buffy: (to Willow) We'll get you a dress. You know, we should check April Fools. Cordelia: Don't go there! I shop there. Xander: I myself am dipping into my road trip fund to procure a shiny new tux, so look for me to dazzle. Giles: And I myself will be wearing pink taffeta as chenille would not go with my complexion. Can we *please* talk about the Ascension? Buffy: Giles, we get it. Miles to go before we sleep. But especially if we're all gonna vaporize or something on Graduation Day, we deserve a little prommy fun. One night of glory, not to much to ask. ---------------------------------------- Daylight. Exterior sh*t of a dingy suburban house. Inside. A hand loads a videotape into a VCR. Pan to a snarling creature, roughly humanoid, in a wire cage. The creatures struggles are warping the cage sides. One corner has already come loose. ---------------------------------------- Daylight. Exterior sh*t of a cathedral. Inside. Angel and Buffy in wedding clothes stand at an altar before a priest. Priest: Into this holy estate, these two persons present now come to be joined. If any man can show just cause why they should not be lawfully joined together, let him speak now, or else, hereinafter, hold his peace. The priest's voice fades under the swelling music. The camera pans around the couple until it looks from the priest's viewpoint. Behind them, the chapel is empty. The doors at the back are open, and the sunlight is bright against the interior darkness. They exchange rings. They kiss. They walk to the exterior doors, hand in hand. The music turns darker. Buffy looks very happy, but Angel looks apprehensive. As they leave the church, they separate and stand a few feet apart at the top of the steps. Angel squints up at the sky, but does not burst into flame. Buffy: Angel? A flame appears on Buffy's exposed skin and rapidly engulfs her. Angel looks on in shock. Buffy burning body crumbles to ashes. Angel wakes up from the nightmare. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- In a sewer tunnel. Buffy and Angel enter through a manhole in the roof of the tunnel and start walking. Buffy: I always say patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers. Angel: I'm sure I saw him come down here. Buffy: Couldn't we just let this be the vamp that got away? We could say he was this big. (Holds hands apart, like a fish story.) Angel: What can I say? I need closure. Buffy: You need clothes. You don't have a tux, do you? Angel: Since when did patrolling go black tie? Buffy: For the prom, silly. Angel: We have more important things to think about right now than a dance, Buffy. Buffy: Sorry, Giles. I'll just be quiet. Angel: Come on, don't be that way. A vampire drops from the roof, growling. Buffy: Not now. Buffy casually stakes the vampire and turns to Angel. Buffy: I'm not being that way. Every time I say the word 'prom', you get grouchy. Angel: I'm sorry. I'm just worried that you're getting too...invested in this whole thing. Buffy: What whole thing? Isn't this the stuff that I'm supposed to get invested in? Going to a formal, graduating, growing up. Angel: I know. Buffy: Then what? What's with the dire? Angel: It's uh, it's nothing. Buffy: No, you have 'something' face. Angel: I think we need to talk, but not now and not here. Buffy: No. No, if you have something to say, then say it. (silence) Angel, drop the cryptic. You're scaring me. Angel: I've been thinking... about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me being together, is unfair to you. Buffy: Is this about what the Mayor said? Because he was just trying to shake us up. Angel: He was right. Buffy: No. No, he wasn't. He's the bad guy. Angel: You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you. Buffy: I don't care about that. Angel: You will. And children. Buffy: Children? Can you say jumping the g*n? I k*ll my goldfish. Angel: Today. But you have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life. Buffy: I'll never have a normal life. Angel: Right, you'll always be a Slayer. But that's all the more reason why you should have a real relationship instead of this, this freak show. (Buffy is stunned.) I didn't mean that. Buffy: I'm gonna go. Angel: (grabs her arm) I'm sorry. Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this. Buffy: Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this? Angel: Have you, rationally? Buffy: No. No, of course not. I'm just some swoony little schoolgirl, right? Angel: I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart. Buffy: Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating! Angel: Don't. Buffy: Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you. Angel: I don't. Buffy: You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me. Angel: It doesn't mean that I don't ... Buffy: How am I supposed to stay away from you? Angel: I'm leaving. After the Ascension, after it's finished with the Mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go. Buffy: Where? Angel: I don't know. Buffy: Is this really happening? Fade to a cityscape showing the moon hanging in the night sky. Switch to Buffy, alone and miserable. Switch to Angel staring into his fireplace. ---------------------------------------- Daylight. Exterior sh*t of the Summers house. In Buffy's bedroom, Buffy and Willow sit cross-legged on the bed. Willow: So, that's it? Buffy: That's it. Assuming we survive this Ascension thing, he's gonna leave town. Willow: Well, he's a fool. He's just a big, dumb, jerk person if you ask me. And he's a super-maxi-jerk for doing it right before the prom. Buffy: It's not his fault. He's 243 years old. He doesn't exactly get the prom. Willow: But he should, if ... Buffy: Will, it's okay. You don't have to make him the bad guy. Willow: But that's the best friend's job, vilifying and grousing. Buffy: Usually, yeah. But he's right. I mean, I think, maybe in the long run, that he's right. Willow: Yeah, I think he is. I mean, I tried to hope for the best, but... I'm sorry. It must be horrible. Buffy: I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse. Right now, I'm just trying to keep from dying. (her face contorts in pain) Willow: Oh Buffy. Buffy leans over into Willow's lap and starts sobbing. Buffy: I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe. ---------------------------------------- Exterior sh*t of the dingy house. Inside, the creature in the cage is struggling violently against its chains. The cage sides bend and finally it escapes. It scrambles out of the room. ---------------------------------------- April Fools dress shop. Xander is walking on the sidewalk and sees Cordelia inside. He enters. Cordelia is admiring the same dress he saw in the previous episode (Choices). Xander: Okay, how long does it take you to buy a damn dress? Cordelia: Xander! I, uh, I'm considering things a little more carefully nowadays. I don't want to get stuck with another dud. Xander: Well this should work for you. It positively screams nympho. Salesgirl: Is this a customer or a friend? Xander: Neither. Just stopped by for my daily helping of bile. Salesgirl: So you better get back to work and quit goofing. Mrs. Finkel so has it in for you. Quick sh*t of the supervisor glancing back at Cordelia. Xander: You work here? Cordelia: Yes. Yes, I work here. Xander: But, uh, why? Cordelia: I'm trying to buy a dress. Xander: But don't you already have all the dresses? Cordelia: I have nothing, okay? No dresses. No cell phone. No car. Everything's been taken away because Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes. For the last twelve years. Satisfied? Are you a happy Xander now? I'm broke. I can't go to any of the colleges that accepted me. And I can't stay home because we no longer have one. Xander: Uh, wow. Cordelia: Yeah, neato. Now you can run along and tell all of your friends how Cordy finally got hers. How she has to work part time just to get a lousy prom dress on layaway. And how she has to wear a name tag. Oh, I'm a name tag person. Don't leave that out. The story just wouldn't have the same punch. The escaped creature from the dingy house bursts through the front window of the shop. Xander pushes Cordelia out of harm's way and attempts to grapple the creature. It pushes him down and jumps on top of him. Then it sees a man wearing a tux and att*cks that man, rending and tearing savagely. ---------------------------------------- In the library. The Scooby g*ng (including Wesley) sit around the table watching a surveillance tape of the att*ck. Xander: Right there. See, it's, it's like he just realized he forgot to put money in the meter or something. Cordelia: You know the part that totally weirded me out? That thing had good taste. I mean, he chucks Xander and went right for the formal wear. Xander: That's right. He left behind his copy of Monsters Wear Daily. Cordelia: I'm serious. Look at the outfit that Xander's wearing. Now look at the kid that the monster went after. Very smooth lines, 'til he was shredded. Buffy: I don't want to see it again. Giles: Buffy, I know it's horrible, but if you're going to hunt this creature, you should study it. Buffy: Think I got it. Willow: She's right. I mean, you've seen one big hairy bringer of death, you've seen 'em all. Wesley: If I'm not mistaken, this is a hellhound. Giles: Yes. It's particularly vicious. It's sort of a demon foot soldier bred during the Machash Wars. Trained solely to k*ll. They feed off the brains of their foes. Cordelia: Look! Right there, zoom in on that. Xander: It's a videotape. Cordelia: So? They do it on television all the time. Xander: Not with a regular VCR they don't. Wesley: Perhaps we could stay on the topic for once. What were you doing this afternoon? Cordelia: What? Um, I was... Xander: Burning a hole in daddy's wallet, as usual. I just bumped into her during my tuxedo hunt. Oz: What's that? Pause it. Xander: Guys! It's just a normal VCR. It doesn't... Oh wait, uh, it can do pause. When the picture is paused, a male teen can be seen peering through the shop's broken window. Xander: Hello, hellhound raiser. Cut to a closeup of a class yearbook. Oz: Tucker Wells. He's in my chem lab. Wesley: Let me guess. He was quiet, kept to himself, but always seemed like a nice young man. Oz: He didn't seem the m*rder type anyway. Something must have happened to him. Xander: How's it going over there, Buff? Buffy: Fine. Xander: Well, I just wanted to say that your impersonation of an inanimate object is really coming along. Buffy: Thanks. Willow: Ooooh! I got into Tucker's e-mail account. Listen to this message Tucker sent to this kid David Metz at school last week. The Sunnydale High lemmings have no idea what awaits them. Their big night will be their last night. Giles: So, we have a thr*at against the students on their big night, a hellhound trained to att*ck people in formal wear... Cordelia: Oh, are we all catching up now? Giles: Tucker is planning to att*ck the prom tonight. Oz: Once again, the Hellmouth puts the special in special occasion. Xander: Why do I even buy tickets for these things, I ask you? Willow: Wonder if I can take my dress back? Buffy: (wakes up) Don't you dare. Willow: But Tucker is going to... Buffy: No! You guys are going to have a prom. The kind of prom that everyone should have. I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to k*ll every single person on the face of the earth to do it. Xander: Yay? Fade to commercial. ------------------------------------------------------ Still in the library. Buffy: Okay, Wes, why don't you go to Tucker's house. He's probably not there, but it's worth a sh*t. Wesley: Alright. Perhaps strength in numbers would be ... Buffy: You can take Cordy. Wesley: If that's your plan, alright, alright. What about the others? Buffy: Oz, you said you know this David kid that Tucker e-mailed? Why don't you and Will track him down? See what he knows, if he's involved? Willow: We're on it. Buffy: (to Wesley) And you know what? Could you two check the magic shop? Wesley: Magic shop? Buffy: Yeah. It's right next to the dress store on Main. Xander: I can swing that one. What's the mission? Buffy: See if anyone's been in, buying supplies to raise a hellhound. Xander: Gotcha. Or check and see who's been stocking up on hellhound snausages. I hear those pups will do anything for a tasty treat. Buffy: Giles, you said this thing eats brains. Any brains? Giles: Um, I suppose. Buffy: Then Tucker must be feeding it, right? ---------------------------------------- Cut to a meat packing plant. Buffy is walking next to hanging carcasses with a guy in a white coat and a hard hat. Packer: Yeah, yeah. This kid orders cow brains a couple of times a week. Goes to this address. (hands her a note) Good luck. He's a weird kid. Buffy: Thanks. Thanks a lot. The packer walks away. Buffy looks up to see Angel nearby, paying another packer for a plastic bag. He sees her. Angel: What are you doing here? Buffy: Hello to you too. Angel: Sorry. I'm just surprised. Buffy: Me too. I don't know why though. Where did I think you get your blood, McPlasma's? Angel: How are you? Buffy: Right as rain, whatever that means. Don't look at me like that. I can lie to you if I want to now. We're ex, remember? Angel: If it means anything, I miss you. Buffy: Could we not, please? When I think about us, I have this tendency to sort of go catatonic. And I really can't afford to do that right now. Gotta stop a crazy from pulling a Carrie at the prom. Angel: You still planning to go? Buffy: Strictly in the chaperon capacity. But it's fine. I mean, the... I'm cool with going stag. I'm over the whole Buffy gets one perfect high school moment thing. But I'm certainly not going to let some subhuman ruin it for the rest of the senior class. Angel: Let me help you. Buffy: I'm okay. Angel: If you ever need my help... Buffy: Look, I got it! (pause) Thanks. (leaves) ---------------------------------------- In the dress shop. Cordelia is leaving work. Salesgirl: Hey! Don't forget your dress. Aren't you wearing it tonight? Cordelia: As much as I hate to admit it, I haven't finished paying for it yet. Salesgirl: Well somebody did. Cordelia: What? Who? (looks at the receipt) ---------------------------------------- Buffy enters the library. Giles is sipping coffee. Xander, Willow, and Oz are sitting on a step and looking glum. Xander: Zeroes all around, Buff. Willow: Sorry. Buffy: Make not with the long faces. I got the address. Now the prom starts in a little while. I want you guys to go on and I'll catch up with you as soon as I put a lid on this jerk. Xander: What? No way. Willow: We can't just leave you, Buff. Giles: Buffy, they're right. You need... Buffy: To see taillights. h*t the door. I have everything under control. Oz: Buffy, it makes sense to ... Buffy: Have. A. Nice. Time. The trio rush off. Willow: Okay then. Xander: See ya. Buffy: (to Giles) I want you at the gym. Keep an eye on them until I get there. Buffy marches into the book cage and begins loading up her w*apon bag. Giles: I don't have to tell you that you're being rather rash. Finding an address hardly adds up to case closed. Buffy: Look, it's done. You want to go after them and tell them that they can't go? That all of their planning and dreaming was for nothing? That they can't spend tonight with their honeys of all nights? Giles: Angel's not taking you, is he? Buffy: Angel's leaving me. He's leaving town. Giles: Oh, Buffy, I'm sorry. I don't really know what to say. Um, I understand that this sort of thing requires ice cream of some kind? Buffy: Ice cream will come. First, I want to take out psycho boy. Giles: You sure? Buffy: The great thing about being a Slayer, kicking ass is comfort food. ---------------------------------------- At the prom. Flashy lights and dancing. Xander and Anya stroll through the crowd. Anya: So she wished her husband's head would explode, which was great except we were standing three feet from him at the time. What a mess. Of course, you know, during the plague it was always parts falling off. Well, that got old since pretty much they were anyway. The Renaissance, that was ... (voice fades as they exit stage right) Giles and Wesley stand by a table munching hors-d'oeuvres. Wesley: Well, I must say this is all rather odd to me. Giles: Oh yes. At an all-male preparatory they didn't go in for this sort of thing. Wesley: No, of course not. Unless you count the nights you made the lower classmen get up as girls and watched them ... (stops on Giles's look) Dip is tasty, isn't it? Cordelia enters in her new dress. Wesley is struck by a coughing. Giles is not facing the door and looks askance. Wesley: Sauce is hot. (another lingering sh*t of Cordy) Very hot. Short montage of prom scenes, dancing, couple photos. Willow and Oz arrive. Willow: We got in. Maybe we should dance before we get besieged, bedeviled, or beheaded or something. Oz: It's not gonna happen. Willow: You're not even a little nervous? Oz: You think Buffy is going to let us down? Willow: Want to share some punch? Oz and Willow walk by. Wesley approaches Cordelia. Wesley: May I say, you look smashing. Cordelia: It's a start. Cordelia takes Wesley's arm. Pan to Xander and Anya. Xander has a glazed look. Anya: So then this one time, this girl wished her ex would cannibalize himself. Even I had a hard time watching that, let me tell you. Xander: Cordelia! Wesley! My god in heaven, it's good to see you. How are you both? And details, please. Wesley: Very well, thank you. Cordelia: Yes, thank you. (emphasis with eyebrows) Xander: It looks good on you. Cordelia: Well, duh. Xander gives a subtle smile and nod and the couples part. Giles is chatting with a couple of women at the refreshments, but is keeping an eye on the door, watching for Buffy. ---------------------------------------- Inside Tucker's house. Buffy sneaks down a staircase and finds Tucker about to release a caged hellhound. Tucker: You're ready to go. Buffy: Sorry, new plan. She throws him away from the cage. Buffy: The prom's a go and you're pathetic. Tucker: Maybe. Maybe not. Tucker breaks a vase over Buffy's head - she brushes the shards off her jacket. He brandishes a screwdriver at her. She sees videotapes on top of the TV with labels like "Prom Night IV" and "Pump Up the Volume". Buffy: So that's how you did it? That's how you brainwashed the hounds to go psycho on prom? Tucker: Neat, huh? Buffy: I don't get it. What kind of sicko wants to destroy the happiest night of a senior's life? Tucker: I have my reasons. Quick flashback to more innocent Tucker and a girl. Tucker: Do you want to go to the prom with me? Girl: No. Back to Buffy and Tucker. Buffy: Whatever. Every maladjust has his reasons. Luckily for me, you're an incompetent maladjust. Buffy disarms him and ties his hands behind him with an electrical cord. She opens a door and starts to push him through it. Buffy: Now I'm gonna lock you in here and then I'm gonna party like it's ... In the room are three empty cages before three blank TV sets. Tucker: Gotta have a redundancy system. Any incompetent knows that. My three fiercest babies are on their way to the dance right now. You think formal wear makes them crazy, wait 'til they see the mirror ball. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- Night, outside the prom hall. The three hellhounds lope toward the building doors. Buffy drops the trailing hound with a crossbow bolt. The other two turn and chase her. She runs. Buffy: That's right. Follow Buffy. Good dogs. They chase her for a few moments, then hear the party music and reverse course. Buffy: Oh, come on. That song sucks. She chases them into the building. Cut to a hallway. The hounds are pawing at closed doors. Buffy approaches and they att*ck her. She wraps one in a hanging tapestry, then wrestles the other one until she can Kn*fe it in the chest. The first one escapes the tapestry just as a male student opens the doors into the hall. Buffy: Get back! Buffy grabs the hound before it can att*ck the student, grapples with it, and finally snaps its neck. Student: (shaken) Bathroom? Buffy points. Student: Th-th-tha... Buffy: You're welcome. Cut to outside. Buffy drags the hellhounds into the bushes, then pulls her prom dress out of her bag. ---------------------------------------- At the dance. Buffy enters, Giles sees her, and they exchange nods and smiles. Oz and Willow meet her. Willow: Buffy, you look awesome. Buffy: So do you. Oz: Everything cool? Buffy: Coolest. Devil dogs are history. How's the prom? Oz: Strangely affecting. I got all teared up when they played 'We Are Family'. Willow: Everything's perfect. Buffy - big smile. ---------------------------------------- At the prom. Everyone is standing, watching the stage. Xander is miming anticipation. Announcer: And the award for Sunnydale High's Class Clown for 1999 goes to Jack Mayhew. The winner puts on a balloon hat and acts silly. Xander: Please! Anybody can be a prop class clown. You know, none of the people who vote for these things are even funny. Buffy is at the punch bowl, ignoring the ruckus. The announcer urges Jonathan to the microphone. Jonathan: We have one more award to give out. Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she, um... The crowd turns and finds her. She looks nervous at the attention. Jonathan: This is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and, um, the prom committee asked me to read this. "We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here." Crowd outbursts: Zombies! Hyena people! Snyder! (laughter) Jonathan: "But, whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you, or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history." (applause from the crowd) "And we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class, offers its thanks, and gives you, uh, this." Jonathan produces a multicolored, glittering, miniature umbrella with a small metal plaque attached to the shaft. Jonathan: It's from all of us, and it has written here, "Buffy Summers, Class Protector." The crowd breaks into sustained applause and cheering. Buffy walks to the stage and takes her award. Later, Giles is watching the dancing and Wesley approaches him. Wesley: Mr. Giles. I'd like your opinion. While the last thing I want to do is muddle bad behavior in front of impressionable youth, I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance would... Giles: For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about. (walks away) Wesley: Right, then. Thanks for that. Cut to the dance floor. Wesley and Cordelia begin to dance. Pan to Xander and Anya, dancing close. Anya: This isn't bad. Cut to Buffy, watching the dancers. Giles comes up behind her. Giles: You did good work tonight, Buffy. Buffy: And I got a little toy surprise. Giles: I had no idea that children en masse could be gracious. Buffy: Every now and then, people surprise you. Giles: (looking past her) Every now and then. Giles takes her umbrella and leaves. Buffy turns to see Angel at the door. They meet. Buffy: I never thought you'd come. Angel: It's a big night. I didn't want to miss it. It's just tonight. It doesn't mean that I ... Buffy: I know. I mean, I understand. Angel: Dance with me? They dance. BLACK OUT

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x20 - The Prom"}

foreverdreaming

Daylight. In a hallway of Sunnydale High, students are picking up graduation caps and gowns. Cordelia and Xander are signing for their gowns. Cordelia: I can't believe this loser look. I lobbied so hard for the teal. No one ever listens to me. A lone fashionable wolf. Xander: I like the Maroon. Has more dignity. Cordelia: Dignity? You? In relation to clothes? I am awash in a sea of confusion. Xander: I just want to look respectable in this, considering I'm probably gonna die in it. Cordelia: Excuse me? Xander: I'm telling you. I woke up the other day with this feeling in my gut. I just know there's no way I'm getting out of this school alive. Cordelia: Wow, you've really mastered the power of positive giving-up. Xander: I've been lucky too many times. My number's coming up. And I was short! One more rotation and I'm shipping state-side, you know what I mean? Cordelia: Seldom if ever. They part. Cut to Willow and a guy standing at the foot of a stairwell, just after they sign each other's yearbooks. He leaves and Harmony walks down the stairs. All of Willow's lines are delivered with a compulsive smile. Willow: Bye! We'll keep in touch! Harmony: Willow, will you sign my yearbook? Willow: Yeah. You have to sign mine too. Harmony: You know, I really wish we woulda got to know each other better. Willow: Me too. Harmony: I mean, you're so smart. I always wanted to be like that. Willow: Thanks. You're so sweet. Harmony: I hope we won't lose touch. Willow: No, we'll hang out. Harmony: Bye! Willow: Bye! Harmony leaves as Buffy walks down the stairs. Willow: Oh, I'm gonna miss her. Buffy: Don't you hate her? Willow: (still smiling) Yes, with a fiery vengeance. She picked on me for ten years, the vacuous tramp. It's like a sickness, Buffy. I'm just missing everything. I miss P.E. Buffy: I think it's contagious. The whole senior class has turned into the Sixties, or what I would have imagined the Sixties would have been like without the w*r and the hairy armpits. Willow: You don't feel it? Buffy: No, I don't. I guess I'll miss stuff, but I just don't get the whole graduation thing. I mean you get a piece of paper and nothing changes. I don't even think I'm gonna go. Willow: (affectionately to soda machine) Old trusty soda machine. I push you for root beer, you give me coke. (frowning at Buffy) What do you mean, not go? Why not? Buffy: Ascension. Mayor becoming a demon. Snacking up on populace. I was planning on fighting him. Willow: You can't do both? Xander: (sits at their table) Both what? Buffy: Go to graduation and fight the Mayor. Xander: The Mayor? What, you guys didn't hear? Buffy: Hear what? Xander: Guess who our commencement speaker is? Willow: Siegfried? Xander: No. Willow: Roy? Xander: No. Willow: One of the tigers? Xander: Come out of the fantasy, Will. Buffy: I don't believe this. Xander: Lends credence to my whole "I'm gonna die" theorem, doesn't it? Buffy: The Mayor at graduation? A hundred helpless kids to feed on. Got any other surprises for us? Cut to the inside of an apartment. Eccentric taste. A knock sounds at the door and a man goes to the door. He's balding, wears glasses, and sports a bow tie. Professor: Just a moment! Faith: Hi, I'm looking for Professor Wirth. Professor: Oh, well, that's me, but I should ask you to come back during office hours. Students generally make an appointment Faith: Uh, I'm not from the college. I work for Mayor Wilkins. I'm Faith. Professor: Oh, well, come in, please. I was so surprised when he called. Didn't expect a politician to be interested in my research. Faith: He's a big fan, professor. Professor: Oh, Lester's fine. Faith: We alone here, Lester? Professor: Well, yes. Lifelong bachelor. I like my space. Faith: I hear that. (produces a Kn*fe) You want to turn and face the wall, Lester. Professor: What are you doing? Faith: I'll make it quick. Professor: Put that away. I'll scream. Faith: Who wouldn't? Professor: Please. Faith: Sorry, friend, boss wants you d*ad. Professor: Why? Faith: (s*ab him) You know, I never thought to ask. Opening credits. ----------------------------------------------------------- In Faith's apartment. The Mayor is tidying up. Faith is not in the room. Mayor: And everything went smoothly with Mr. Wirth? Faith: Not if you're Mr. Wirth. Mayor: (giggles) Well, that's swell. You know how I feel about loose ends. And the big day is so close, you can smell the excitement in the air. Say, are you ever coming out of there? Faith: I don't know. Mayor: Aw, come on. Faith enters, in a pink/white dress, barefoot. Mayor: Wow, aren't you a vision? Faith: I feel I look stupid in this. Mayor: You look lovely. Perfect for the Ascension. Any boys that manage to survive will be lining up to ask you out. Faith: It just isn't me, though. Mayor: Not you? Let me tell you something. Nobody knows what you are. Not even you, little Miss Seen-it-all. The Ascension isn't just my day. It's yours too. Your day to blossom, to show the world what a powerful girl you are. I think of what you've done, what I know you will do (caresses her face) no father could be prouder. Faith: I hope I don't let you down. Mayor: Impossible. Now come on, change back into your street clothes. I'll buy you an icee. They share a smile. ---------------------------------------- Daylight outside Sunnydale High. Willow parks her bike. Percy, the jock from Dopplegangland, greets her. Percy: Hey, Rosenberg! Willow: Hey, Percy. Percy: Check it out, history final. Willow: B-minus, that's great. Percy: I'm a scholar. I'm like a scholar. Willow: Congratulations. Percy: Hey, listen. Thank you. I mean, for helping me. Being so patient. And also, for not kicking my ass like you did in the Bronze. Willow: You know, Percy, that was actually... for your own good. Percy: I know, I know. Oz: (arrives) Hey. Willow: Hey. (to Percy) History's important, you know. Percy: No, I totally get that now. And I got the grades, I'm graduating tomorrow, can forget all this crap. (cheerfully, leaves) Oz: On the bright side, after graduation, he may not have the chance to forget it all. Willow: (unhappy) Uh-huh. Oz: I was trying to keep things light. Willow: But things aren't light. I mean, it's bad enough we have to fight the Mayor. I don't want him eating Percy and the whole class. We have to find a spell or something to stop the Ascension. Oz: Then we will. ---------------------------------------- In a classroom. Class is in session. Xander tries to sneak in. Teacher: Thank you for joining us, Mr. Harris. Xander gives him a double thumbs-up. Teacher: Look, I realize that you've all finished your finals and you're ready to move on. But you haven't graduated yet. This is still a class and everyone will participate. Mr. Harris, would you care to begin. Xander: Ummm... E. Teacher: No. There's no E. Camera turns so that we can see that the chalkboard has the garrett of a game of Hangman drawn. The teacher draws in the head. Teacher: They always go the the E. Next! Steven. Anya is sitting directly to Xander's right. Anya: Hi. Xander: Hey. Anya: So, I was wondering, maybe if you were free this weekend, maybe we could do some entertaining thing. Xander: Would that be along the lines of you telling me about all the men you destroyed back in your demon days? Cause pencil me in. Anya: Well, we could do something else you like. We could watch sports of some kind. Xander: Uh, I don't know. Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it. Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action move, they eat of the beef, and enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs and that's all you've learned? Anya: I'm trying, okay? You don't need to take my head off. Xander: I'm sorry. Look, I don't even know if I'm going to make it to the next weekend. I'll tell you what, I survive the Ascension and maybe you and I can do some sports related ... What? Anya has a horrified look on her face. ---------------------------------------- Giles and Wesley are fencing. Buffy stands to the side, holding up a newspaper headline: PROFESSOR FOUND m*rder Buffy: Faith. Giles: You sure? Buffy: One of her pieces. I recognize the brush work. Giles takes the paper and holds it in one hand, reading while parrying Wesley's light att*cks. Giles: Brutally s*ab. Mr. Wirth, visiting professor of geology. There's nothing in here that bellows motive. Willow: Random k*lling, perhaps? Fit of rage? Everybody does seem to be going a bit mad, lately. Faith has something of a head start. Buffy: Doesn't read. I think it's homework. Giles stops sparring. Giles: The Mayor wanted the good professor out of the way. Buffy: Which leads to the question, how come? I'm gonna destroy the entire city, but I take the time to k*ll harmless Lester first? Giles: Tying up loose ends? Lester had something or knew something. Buffy: Then I wanna know too. The Mayor's trying to hide. I say we go seek. Wesley: Ah. By attempting to keep a valuable clue from us, the Mayor may have inadvertently led us right to it. (with a sword flourish) Buffy: What page are you on, Wes, cause we already got there. Wesley: Yes, well. You will go tonight. Look over his apartment. Anything of note, report back here. Buffy: I just love it when you take charge, you man, you. Wesley: Uh, we... was that a yes? I have trouble keeping track. Buffy: I'll go. Giles: Be careful. If Faith should show up... Buffy: I don't think she'll show. Been there, k*lled that. She's not much for follow-up. Giles: Nonetheless, keep watch. Faith has you at a disadvantage, Buffy. Buffy: Cause I'm not crazy or cause I don't k*ll people? Giles: Both, actually. Buffy: I hear you. I can't k*ll her, fun as it may sound. I can make her cry uncle, though, and I mean to. Wesley: Don't let your feelings about Faith interfere with your work. Buffy: Stopping Faith is my work. Take a b*at to love the synergy. Willow: Faith is a footnote. Our priority is stopping the Ascension. Xander enters, pulling Anya by her arm. Xander: Easier said than done, (malarkey? monkey?) boy. Wesley: Xander, if you don't have something constructive to add? Xander: You guys want to know about the Ascension? Well meet the only living person who's ever been to one. Cut to an overhead sh*t. Same group gathered around the library table. Anya: About eight hundred years ago in the Kastka Vallies above the Urals, there was a sorcerer there who achieved Ascension. Became the embodiment of the demon Lo-Hash. I was there cursing a shepherd who had been unfaithful. (merrily) His wife had wished that all his sheep would lie with... Buffy: Can we get back to the chase? Anya: Sorry. Lo-Hash was ... It-it decimated the village within hours. Maybe three people got out. I've seen some horrible things in my time. I've been the cause of most of them, actually, but this... Wesley: Ahem, I'm sorry, but Lo-Hash was a four-winged soul k*ller, am I right? (Giles nods.) I was given to understand that they're not that fierce. Of all the demons that we've faced... Anya: You've never seen a demon. Buffy: (raises her hand) Uh, excuse me? Kind of professionally, four years running. Anya: All the demons that walk the earth are tainted, are human hybrids like vampires. The Ascension means that a human becomes pure demon. They're different. Giles: Different? Buffy: How? Anya: Well, for one thing, they're bigger. ---------------------------------------- Daylight, outside. Chairs are being set set up in rows for the commencement address. Snyder is showing the Mayor the arrangements. Snyder: Kids are here. Parents off to the side there. We'll go up, they'll play the processional, and they you'll give the address. Mayor: It all looks wonderful. Snyder: As long as nobody makes any trouble. Mayor:: Oh, stop worrying. You just make sure the kids show up. Anybody who doesn't feel like coming to graduation, well, they'll just have to live without a diploma. Snyder: They'll be here, sir. Mayor: Call me Richard. You've done a great job here. I know things are, well, different here in Sunnydale. We've both seen all sorts of things. What's important is that we keep it under control, and that's what you've done. Snyder: I believe in order. Mayor: Sunnydale owes you a debt. It will be repaid. Yessir, we'll mark that invoice paid in full. The Mayor walks away. Snyder watches him with a worried expression. ---------------------------------------- In the library. Anya et al. are continuing their discussion. Willow and Oz enter. Anya: It doesn't sound like Lo-Hash. The rituals are all different. Giles: I wish that was a relief. Oz: What's going on? Willow: How come evil girl's in the mix? Giles: Anya witnessed an Ascension. Willow: Oh, okay then. Buffy: What about the spiders? The Mayor had a box of spiders that he had to eat. The Box of... I want to say Grav-Locks? Giles: Gavrock. Anya: It doesn't ring a bell. Buffy: Well, there must be something that you can remember that would be helpful. The Mayor enters, alone. The group pulls back, Willow pulling Oz back. Buffy slips the newspaper (PROFESSOR FOUND m*rder) out of sight. Mayor: So, this is the inner sanctum. Faith tells me this is where you folks like to hang out, concoct your little schemes. I tell you, it's just nice to see that some young people are still interested in reading in this modern era. So, what are kids reading nowadays? The Mayor walks to the table and picks up a book. Giles stands his ground and doesn't flinch at the proximity. Mayor: "The beast will walk upon the earth and darkness will follow. The several races of man will be as one in their terror and destruction." Aw, that's kind of sweet. Different races coming together. Buffy: You never get even a little tired of hearing yourself speak, do you? Mayor: (chuckles, to Giles) That's one spunky little girl you've raised. I'm gonna eat her. Giles grabs Wesley's sword from the table and thrusts it through the Mayor's chest. The Mayor staggers back but regains his balance. Mayor: Whoa! Well now, that was a little thoughtless. (pulls the sword out of his chest) Violent outbursts like that, in front of the children? You know, Mr. Giles, they look to you to see how to behave. Buffy: Get out. The Mayor takes a handkerchief and slowly wipes the blood from the sword. Mayor: I smell fear. That's smart. Some of your deaths will be quick, if that's worth anything. Well, see you all at graduation. (tosses the sword back to Giles) You don't want to miss my commencement address. It's going to be one heck of a speech. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- In a hallway, not really crowded, but with plenty of students. Xander runs after Anya. Xander: Anya, wait! Where you going? Anya: Anywhere. If there's a lunar shuttle going up anytime soon, I'm on it. Xander: We need you here. You might be able to help. Anya: Or I might be able to live. You can't stop the Ascension, Xander. You were right the first time. The only thing any sane person can do now is run. (she leaves) Anya leaves, passing Cordelia. Cordelia: What's her saga? Xander: She's freaking. Cordelia: About what? Xander: The Mayor is going to k*ll us all during graduation. Cordelia: Oh. Are you going to go to fifth period? Xander: I'm thinking I might skip it. Cordelia: Me too. ---------------------------------------- Daylight. Inside the Summers house. Buffy is packing. Joyce: Buffy, I'm home. Do you wanna go to, uh, ...? What are you doing? You're running away again? And you're taking my clothes. Buffy: Mom, I need you to leave town. Tonight. Joyce: Buffy, I'd miss your graduation. Buffy: Yeah, that's sort of the idea. Joyce: There's no way. I wouldn't dream... Buffy: Mom, graduation is a pointless ceremony where you sit around and listen to a bunch of boring speeches until someone hands you a piece of paper that says you graduated which you already know and maroon does nothing for my complection, so don't argue, okay? Joyce: (sarcastic) What, is some terrible demon going to att*ck the school. (Buffy glares, keeps packing) Oh, I see. Oh, you know, Buffy, looking back on everything that's happened, maybe I should have sent you to a different school. Buffy: Just promise me that you'll be far away from here. Joyce: I'm not leaving you to face an awful monster. If I go anywhere, you're going with me. Buffy: You know that I can't. Joyce: Well then I can't either. Buffy: Mom, I know that sometimes you wish I were different. Joyce: Buffy, no. Buffy: I wish I could be a lot of things for you. A great student, a star athlete, remotely normal. I'm not. But there is something I do that I can do better than anybody else in the world. I'm gonna fight this thing, but I can't do it and worry about you. Joyce: Buffy, you just can't ... Buffy: You stay, you'll get me k*lled. You'll have to trust me on this. Can you do that? ---------------------------------------- In Willow's room. Amy-rat is nibbling something in her cage. Oz is typing on the computer. Willow is laying on the bed, reading. Willow: Oh, this is so frustrating. Oz: Nothing useful? Willow: No, it's great. If we want to make ferns invisible, or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here. Oz: Our lives are different than other peoples'. Willow: Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not going to find a spell to stop the Ascension. I'm no witch. I can't even change poor Amy back to a person. Oz: But you got the swinging Habitrail going. I think Amy is in a good place emotionally. Willow: Oz. Oz: What? Willow: Could you just pretend to care about what's happening? Please? Oz: You think I don't care? Willow: I think we could be d*ad in two days time and you're being ironic detachment guy. Oz: Would it help if I panic? Willow: (babbling) Yes, it would be swell. Panic is a thing people can share in times of crisis. And everything's really scary now, you know, and I don't know what's gonna happen. And there's all sorts of things that you're supposed to get to do after high school, and I was really looking forward to doing them, and now we're probably just gonna die and I would like to feel that maybe you would ... Oz leans forward and kisses her, slowly. Willow: What are you doing? Oz: Panicking. More kissing. ---------------------------------------- In Professor Wirth's apartment. Buffy is collecting papers and books and putting them in a file box. Angel appears at the front door (it's open) and stumbles over the door jamb. Angel: Ow. Buffy: Stealthy. Angel: Not my best entrance. I think they were mopping in the halls. Buffy: What are you doing here? Angel: I checked in with Giles. He asked me to back you up. Buffy: He's afraid I'll run into Faith. Angel: And you're not? Buffy: It's gonna happen sooner or later. Angel: What's that? Buffy: A report. Excavation of some old lava bed. Guy was a volcano-ologist or something. Angel: Anything in there that connects him to the Mayor? Buffy: I looked through it, but the only thing I understood were the commas. Gonna bring it to Giles, see if he can do better. (picks up the file box) Angel: Let me give you a hand. Angel takes the box. They leave the apartment. Cut to outside as they leave the building. Buffy: You know what? Thank you, but I can take it from here. Angel: It's alright. I'll walk you there. Buffy: Look, I don't need an escort. I'm a big girl. Superpowers, remember? I don't need you crowding me. Angel: I didn't think I was. Buffy: No, of course you don't. You just show up at the prom and then you disappear into the ozone. For all I know, you left town. Angel: Are you mad at me for being around too much or for not being around enough? Buffy: Duh. Yes. Angel: Which? Buffy: What? Angel: I don't get you. Buffy: No, you don't, not anymore. Angel: Are you just making this harder to make this easier on yourself? Buffy: Could we stop with the brain-teasers? I just wish it was over, done. Angel: It's not that simple. I mean, once the Mayor ... Buffy: I know, world in peril and we have to work together. This is my last office romance, I'll tell you that. Angel: I'll get out of your face. He drops the box at her feet and turns away. Buffy: Isn't it even a little hard for you? Angel: How can you ask me that? Just because I'm not acting like a brat doesn't mean I don't feel... Buffy: It's nice to know what you thing of me! Angel: What do you expect me to say when you just att*ck? Buffy: I just can't do this anymore. I can't have you in my life when I'm trying to move on. The sound of an arrow striking. The arrow was fired above and behind Angel, and has passed through his back so the point sticks out the front of his jacket. He falls and Buffy catches him. Buffy: Angel! Behind a neon sign atop a nearby building, Faith and a vampire look down at the couple. Vampire: Missed the heart. Faith: Meant to. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- In the library. Angel sits in a chair. Giles cuts the arrow shaft where it enters Angel's back. Giles: There. Buffy: Okay, ready? (grasps the arrow's point) Angel: Yeah. Buffy: On three. One. (pulls the arrow out) Angel: I knew you were going to do that. Giles: Not too much blood here. Angel: I heal pretty fast. I should be alright. Buffy: (while swabbing the exit wound) I'm just glad Faith's such a suck sh*t. Giles: You sure it was her? Buffy: Well, I've narrowed down my list of one suspect. Buffy and Giles continue bandaging Angel. Wesley is sitting at the table, reading. Wesley: Fascinating. Giles: What? Wesley: It seems our Mr. Wirth headed an expedition in Hawaii, digging in old lava beds near a dormant volcano. Buffy: I'm not fascinated yet. Wesley: He found something underneath. A carcass, buried by an eruption. Giles: A carcass? Wesley: A very large one. Mr. Wirth posits that it might be some heretofore undiscovered dinosaur. Angel: A demon? Giles: Yes, that would be something that the Mayor would want to keep a secret. If it's the same kind of demon he's turning into and it's d*ad, it means that, well, he's only impervious to harm until the Ascension. In his demon form, he can be k*lled. Buffy: Great. So all we need is a million tons of burning lava. We're saved. Angel: Well, it's a start, anyway. Buffy: Okay, you've been a real klutz today. You need ... Angel: Damn. Angel falls to the floor, unconscious. Cut to Giles sniffing the arrow's point. Giles: We'll have to run some tests. Angel: (unintelligible?) Buffy: You're burning up. Angel: It's poison. I can feel it. Giles: Call the others. Get them here. We need to move him to the safety of his own bed before the sun comes up. Buffy: Will you be able to find out what this is? Wesley: The Council has all the known toxins on file, mystical or otherwise. I'll contact them immediately. Buffy: Thanks. (to Angel) You're going to be okay. ---------------------------------------- Willow's bedroom. Clothes are scattered on the floor and draped over Amy-rat's cage. Willow and Oz cuddle in the bed. Oz strokes Willow's hair. Willow: I feel different, you know. I-I guess that makes sense. Do you feel different. Oh, no, you've already, probably, no big change for you. It was nice. Was it nice? Should this be a quiet moment? Oz: I know exactly what you mean. Willow: Which part? Oz: Everything from 'it's different'. They kiss. The phone rings, Willow answers. Willow: Hello. (listens, hangs up) We've gotta go. ---------------------------------------- In the Mayor's office. He places the Box of Gavrock on his desk as Faith enters. Faith: He's dropped, boss. Mayor: Applause, applause. Faith: Right in the back. He pitches over and Buffy's freaking, looking around, all panicked. It's a good time. Mayor: Well, that should keep her occupied for a spell. Faith: What next? Mayor: The Ritual of Gavrock. I have to ingest several of the inhabitants of this box. Faith: Ingest? Mayor: Eat. Faith: You're wicked gross. Mayor: (chuckles) Well, you don't have to watch. Just, you know, go home, take it easy. It's a big day tomorrow. Faith: You gotta give me something to do. There's no way I'm sleeping. Don't you need anyone d*ad? Or maimed? I can settle for maimed. Mayor: (chuckles) You little firecracker. Faith: My mom used to call me that when I was little. I was always running around. She falls silent. The Mayor observes her with a look of concern. Faith: Tomorrow, at the Ascension and all that, am I going to get to fight? Mayor: If everything goes smoothly, you won't have to. But how often do things go smoothly? Faith: So you'll still need me in there. Mayor: Always. Faith: When I was a kid, a couple of miles outside of Boston there was this quarry. And all the kids used to swim there and jump off the rocks. And there was this one rock like forty feet up. I was the only one that would jump off it. All the older kids were too scared. Mayor: Not you though. Faith: Naah. I could do it easy. Mayor: Get some rest. Faith: Good luck with your spiders there. ---------------------------------------- Oz, Willow, and Xander are gathered in a Sunnydale High chemistry lab. Oz is peering through a microscope. Willow tears a page out of a notebook and hands it to Xander. Willow: They should have all this at the magic shop. I can run a trace analysis, see if it's a mystical poison. Xander: I'm a little short on cash. Willow: Just tell them it's for me. Xander: Right. Cut to Xander walking in a darkened school hallway. Anya meets him. Anya: Xander. Xander: What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Aruba by now. Anya: Hey, I'm packed. My car's right outside. I-I just, um, I-I had to, uh... Xander: What? Anya: You could come with me. Xander: Come with you? You mean that? Anya: Why not? We could just get in the car and drive. No one would miss us. We could take turns driving. Keep each other awake. You're going to die if you stay here. Xander: I guess I might. Anya: When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit. Xander: Welcome to the world of romance. Anya: It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work. Xander: Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings. Anya: Come with me. Xander: I can't. Anya: Why not? Xander: I got friends on the line. Anya: So? Xander: That humanity thing's still a work in progress, isn't it? Anya: Are you really going to be that much help to them? I mean, you'll probably just get in the way. Xander: Your stock is plummeting here, sweetheart. Anya: Fine! You know what? I hope you die. Xander walks past her. Anya: Aren't we gonna kiss? ---------------------------------------- Inside Angel's mansion. Angel lies in bed, sweating. Buffy holds his hand, soothes him with a cool, wet rag. Buffy: It'll be okay. You'll be okay. She hears a door opening and goes to the living room. Wesley enters, looking upset. Giles: Did you reach the council? Wesley: Yes. They, they couldn't help. Buffy: Couldn't? Wesley: Wouldn't. It's not Council policy to cure vampires. Giles: Did you explain that these were special circumstances? Wesley: Not under any circumstances, and yes, I did try to convince them. Buffy: Try again. Wesley: Buffy, they're very firm. We're talking about laws that have existed longer than civilization. Buffy: I'm talking about watching my lover die. I don't have a clue what you're talking about and I don't care. Giles: Buffy, we'll find a cure. Wesley: The Council's orders are to concentrate on ... Buffy: Orders? I don't think I'm gonna be taking any more orders. Not from you, not from them. Wesley: You can't turn your back on the Council. Buffy: They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing. Wesley: Giles, talk to her. Giles: (while walking to Buffy's side) I've nothing to say right now. Buffy: Wesley, go back to your Council and tell them, until the next Slayer comes along, they can close up shop. I'm not working for them anymore. Wesley: Don't you see what's happening? Faith poisoned Angel to distract you, to keep you out of the Mayor's way, and it's working. You need a strategy. Buffy: I have a strategy. You're not in it. Wesley: This is mutiny. Buffy: (long pause) I like to think of it as graduation. Giles, I can't stay here any longer. I'm gonna see if I can help the others. Giles: Of course. Buffy: You'll watch him? Giles: I'll call if there's any change. Wesley: Buffy, you don't know what you're doing. Buffy: Get a job. (marches off) ---------------------------------------- In the chemistry lab: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Oz. Willow: Finding the poison wasn't that hard. It's a mystical compound. The latin name translates roughly to k*ller of the d*ad. Used on vampires. Buffy: And the cure? Willow: There aren't a lot of instances of it being cured. Buffy: But there are some? Willow: One or two. Pretty vague accounts. How is he? Oz: (reading) Hold it. Xander: You got something? Oz: I'm not sure.Buffy: Be sure. Oz: Okay. k*ller of the d*ad. That's our boy, and here's a vamp that walked away from it. Willow: Does it talk about the cure? Oz: Damn. Buffy: Nothing? Oz: No, it's in here, but... Willow: (reading over his shoulder) Wait, completely reversed the effects. Oh. Buffy: What? Xander: Come on guys, the suspense is k*lling Angel. Oz: The only way to cure this thing is to drain the blood of a Slayer. Buffy: (long pause) Good. Xander: Good? What did I miss? Buffy: No, it's perfect. Angel needs to drain a Slayer, then I'll bring him one. Willow: Buffy, if Angel drains Faith's blood, it'll k*ll her. Buffy: Not if she's already d*ad. Fade to commercial. ----------------------------------------------------------- Willow and Oz at a computer terminal. Oz: Leasing agreement. It should be recent. It won't be in her name but if the Mayor's putting her up, it might be in his. Willow: Maybe he's charging it to the city? Oz: Right, cross-reference Realty with Municipal Funds. Willow: You wanna drive? (smiles) Oz: Sorry. Oz caresses her hair and Willow loses her typing rhythm for a moment. ---------------------------------------- In the library, Buffy and Xander are heading to the book cage. Buffy: Someone should take over for Giles after a while. Watch Angel. Xander: I don't mean to play devil's advocate here, but are you sure you're up to this? Buffy: It's time. Xander: We're talking to the death. Buffy: I can't play kid games anymore. This is how she wants it. Xander: I just don't want to lose you. Buffy: I won't get hurt. (reaches into a w*apon cabinet) Xander: That's not what I mean. Buffy: Just get me an address. They stare at each other for a moment, then Xander leaves. Buffy is holding Faith's fancy Kn*fe. ---------------------------------------- Quick fades between scenes: Faith working out on a punching bag. Buffy washing her face and staring at herself in a mirror. Angel's delirium. Faith ending her workout. Buffy walking away from the mirror. Willow at her computer terminal. Willow: I got it. ---------------------------------------- In Faith's apartment. She reads a comic book while music blares. Cut to show Buffy behind her, across the room. Buffy turns off the stereo. Buffy: Thought I'd stop by. Faith: Is he d*ad yet? Buffy: He's not gonna die. It was a good try, though. Your plan? Faith: Uh-huh. The Mayor got me the poison. Said it was wicked painful. Buffy: There's a cure. Faith: Damn. What is it? Buffy: Your blood. As justice goes, it's not un-poetic, don't you think? Faith: Come to get me? You gonna feed me to Angel? You know you're not going to take me alive. Buffy: Not a problem. Faith: Well, look at you. All dressed up in big sister's clothes. Buffy: You told me I was just like you. That I was holding it in. They approach until they're standing face to face. Faith: Ready to cut loose? Buffy: Try me. Faith: Okay then. Give us a kiss. Buffy punches her in the jaw. They fight for a while. Faith: Not getting tired are you? I'm just startihg to feel it. They fight some more. They fall together through a window, landing on a terrace. While Faith is recovering from the fall, Buffy handcuffs Faith's right wrist to Buffy's right wrist. The fight continues. Buffy: Stick around. Cut to Angel's bed. Oz and Willow watch him. Angel: Buffy: Cut to the library. Giles: Right. Right. (heads for a bookshelf) Xander: Something about the demon? Giles: The local villagers near the volcano site made reference to the legend of Ollokai. Might be a bastardization of Olvikan. Xander: Who's Olvikan? Giles: I know it's a demon, a very old one. Might have a picture. Xander: Boy, it's a good thing no one ever wanted to check any of these books out, hunh? Giles: Yes, very convenient. (flipping pages) Xander: Come on Olvikan. Hey. Giles stops flipping pages. Xander unfolds a page, twice (like a centerfold). Xander: We're going to need a bigger boat. ---------------------------------------- In the Mayor's office. On of the Gavrok bugs is pinned, unmoving, to his desk with a Kn*fe. The camera pans up to show two of the legs sticking out of the Mayor's mouth. He chews and swallows. A vampire looks on uncertainly. Mayor: Mmm. My god, what a feeling. The power of these creatures. It suffuses my being. I can feel the changes begin. My organs are shifting, changing, making ready for the Ascension. Plus these babies are high in fiber. And what's the fun in becoming an immortal demon if you're not regular, am I right? A second vampire bursts into the room. Mayor: We don't knock during dark rituals? Vampire #2: Sir, there may be trouble. At Faith's. ---------------------------------------- On the terrace at Faith's building, the fight continues. Buffy: What's the matter? All that k*lling, you afraid to die? Faith spins Buffy so she can get the leverage to use her legs and manages to snap the handcuff chain. They face off. Faith holds a length of pipe. Buffy pulls out Faith's Kn*fe. Faith: That's mine. Buffy: You're about to get it back. They exchange blows, Faith dodging the Kn*fe. They move to the edge of the terrace and Faith holds Buffy at the edge. Faith: Man, I'm going to miss this. Buffy breaks Faith's grip and plunges the Kn*fe into Faith's abdomen. Both of them looked stunned for a moment. Faith: (weakly, but smiling) You did it. Faith throws Buffy away from her. Faith: You k*lled me. Faith climbs onto the low wall at the edge of the terrace and looks down. Faith: Still won't help your boy,though. Shoulda been there, B, quite a ride. Faith falls backward off the wall and lands in the bed of a moving truck. Buffy scrambles to the wall and sees Faiths body, unmoving, ride away. End credits: "To Be Continued"

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x21 - Graduation Day Part 1"}

foreverdreaming

Previously on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer: Oz is kissing Willow. Willow: "What are you doing?" Oz: "Panicking." Oz and Willow in bed after Oz is done panicking. In the library the Mayor throws the rapier back to Giles, who catches it. Mayor: "See you at the Graduation." Buffy and Angel in the sewers. Buffy: "I want my life to be with you." Angel: "I don't." Buffy: "I can't believe you're breaking up with me." On the street in front of the Professor's place Angel gets sh*t and collapses. In the library Buffy pulls out the arrow, Giles smells it. Voice over by Angel: "It's poison. I can feel it." Angel collapses on the floor. Oz looking up from a book: "The only way to cure this thing is to drain the blood of a Slayer." Buffy and Faith fighting in her apartment. Buffy voice over: "If Angel needs to drain the blood of a Slayer then I'll bring him one." Buffy and Faith fall through the window. Buffy s*ab Faith. Faith voice over: "You k*lled me." Faith falls and lands on the bed of a truck driving by. Buffy lays down the Kn*fe looking shocked then walks over to a ladder and climbs down the outside of the building. Pan over and up to the Mayor looking out through the broken window. The Mayor turns around as a vampire comes up behind him and says: "There is no one here, Sir." Mayor: "No. No, she took the fight outside. My Faith doesn't like to be cooped up." Walks over to the vampire. "We have to find them. Put everyone on it. Do it now." Turns away from the vampire. Vampire: "But Sir, the ascension…" Mayor spins back around and screams at the vampire: "Find them!" The vampire leaves. The Mayor starts pacing around, clearly very worried, talking to himself: "Faith's a good girl. She can take anything they'll throw at her. She's going to be all right. She'll be all right. She'll be all right." Part 2 Library: Giles comes out of his office massaging his right shoulder, while Xander walks in carrying a Styrofoam cup. Xander: "Any word from Buffy?" Giles sits down at the table: "Not yet." Xander: "Here is your cup of coffee. Brewed from the finest Colombian lighter fluid" Sits down across form Giles. Giles: "Thank you." Takes a sip. "Horrible." Takes another sip. Xander: "Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea anyway?" Giles: "Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense." Xander: "Okay. But you are destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here." Grins. Giles puts down his cup: "Look through the, ah… Kepler (?) volumes." Xander picks up a book. "Any reference to the demon Olvukan." Xander opens the book. "Powers, weaknesses, hat size, anything. There's got to be something." Xander: "Still batting zero?" Giles looks at him. "But I mean, ah… in cricket?" Cordelia walks into the library looking upset. Xander looks up from flipping pages: "Cordy! What's up?" Cordelia: "I demand an explanation." Xander: "For what?" Cordelia: "Wesley." Xander: "Uh - inbreeding?" Cordelia: "So very funny. Any minute I am sure to laugh. I just got off the phone with him. He could hardly speak he was so upset. He said there was something about a fight? And he is leaving the country." Giles: "Should I assay remorse?" Cordelia: "Just tell me what's going on." Giles: "Buffy has quit the council. She'll not be working with Wesley from now on." Cordelia puzzled: "But he is her Watcher." Giles: "Buffy no longer needs a Watcher." Cordelia: "Well, does he have to leave the country? I mean, you got fired, and you still hang around like a big loser. Why can't he?" Xander: "Cordelia. We are trying to stop a m*ssacre here. Want to give us a hand?" Cordelia hesitates a moment then walks over to a chair taking off her jacket. "Sure. - This is just *such* a Buffy thing to do." Sits down. "She is *always* thinking of herself." Cut to the mansion. Angel is laying in bed. The arrow wound looks red and inflamed. He is twisting restlessly, clearly in pain, and moaning softly. Willow dabs at his sweaty forehead with a wet rag. Angel opens his eyes. Willow: "You're awake." Angel reaches for her hand: "You've been watching over me?" Willow nods. Angel takes her hand and starts kissing it. He lays his other hand on Willows right arm. Willow taken aback and slightly worried: "Well, - we've been taking turns." Angel: "I thought… - I thought I'd never see you again" Willow looks at him surprised and confused. Angel shakes his head "I can't leave you. I was wrong. I need you." Willow pulls her hand out of his: "Oh!" she pats his hand "You mean you need Buffy!" Angel lifts his head squinting his eyes at her. "Willow?' Willow relieved: "Yes, - right!" She points at herself smiling "Willow!" Angel trying to sit up: "Where is she?" Willow pushes him back down worried: "She'll be back soon." Angel sinks back and closes his eyes. Willow gets up and walks out into the main room where Oz is waiting for her. Oz: "Any change?" Willow: "He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy." Oz: "You too, huh?" Willow: "I hope she gets here soon. She better if… " Oz sighs: "Yeah." Willow: "I feel so… I feel so guilty." Oz: "Guilty?" Willow: "Well, things are so terrible, and things are coming apart, - but in some ways, this is the best night of my life." Oz blinks and reaches for her hand with a half smile: "Us." Willow smiles, nods and moves closer to him: "Us." They kiss. The door opens, Buffy walks in slowly, staring at the ground. Willow and Oz break apart guiltily. Willow: "I just checked on him, just now. We're watching." Buffy walks up to then, looking unhappy. The left corner of her bottom lip is busted. Oz: "Did you find Faith?" Buffy just looks at them saying nothing. Willow: "You didn't… She's not here?" Buffy shakes her head slightly: "How is he?" Oz: "He comes in and out. I think the - pain is - less. Now." Buffy frowns slightly: "Would you guys… - I'd like to be alone with him." Oz and Willow look at each other. Oz nods: "Of course." As they walk past Buffy Willow turns to her and says: "We'll try to find another cure." Buffy quietly as they leave the house: "Thanks." Cut to Angel lying on his bed. Buffy sits down and takes his hand. Angel: "Buffy." Buffy lays her right hand against the side of his face "Is that you?" Buffy gives him a slight smile: "It's me." Angel tries to smile in return: "I didn't want to go, without seeing you." Buffy puts a finger on his lips to stop him from talking. Buffy: "Angel, I can cure you." Angel: "It's okay. - I'm ready." Buffy: "Angel listen to me." Takes a hold of his shoulders. "Sit up." Angel scoots up a little higher, but he is weak and moving clearly hurts a great deal. Buffy: "You're gonna live. You have to live." Angel frowns: "What way?" Buffy: "Drink…" Angel frowns at her. Buffy takes off her jacket, a determined expression on her face. "Drink me." Angel stares at her in shock, he shakes his head rejecting the idea: "No." Buffy: "It's the only way." Angel keeps shaking his head and forces himself up out of the bed, pushing Buffy aside: "No. - Get away." Buffy takes a hold of his right arm as he stands up, looking up at him: "It'll save you." Angel is looking down at the floor: "It'll k*ll you." Buffy: "Maybe not. -. Not if you don't take it all." Angel keeps shaking his head, still not looking at her: "You can't ask me to do that." Buffy: "I won't let you die. I can't." He still won't look at her. "Angel the blood of a Slayer is the only cure." Angel finally glances at Buffy: "Faith…" Buffy swallows and answers quietly: "I tired. - I k*lled her." Angel shakes his head and lurches away from Buffy: "Then it's over." Angel stumbles into the main room. He has trouble walking straight. Bumps into the wall, then stumbles and catches himself on the sofa table, spilling a pewter pitcher and plate onto the floor. Buffy grabs him by the arms and pulls him up to face her. Buffy: "It is never over! I won't let you die. Drink!" Angel glances up at her swaying in her grip: "Please…" Buffy looks at him, then pulls back her right fist and hits his left temple. His head snaps around but he stays on his feet. He turns back to look at Buffy and she hits him again. He still doesn't go down, but it takes him a little longer to come back up. Buffy hits him a third time and this time Angel spins back with a growl vamped out. He just stands there, staring at her, while Buffy pulls down the shoulder strap of her shirt, then grabs him by the hair at the back of his head. She looks at him for a moment then firmly pulls his head down against her neck and holds him there. For a moment they remain like this. Then we see a close-up of his yellow eye looking down and he suddenly bites down. Buffy gasps with the pain but holds still. Angel is holding on to her now and you get to hear all those sucking and drinking noises. Close-up of his mouth on Buffy's neck: Some blood is running out beneath his lips and running down her shoulder. Buffy's face scrunches up, she mouths what looks like 'Oh Lord' and slowly sinks backwards to the floor. With Angel lying on top still drinking, Buffy's left hand reaches out and finds the pewter pitcher. She crushes it in her hand. The camera keeps jerking around the whole time, and Buffy is clearly not enjoying the experience. She puts her hands against his sides as if she was going to push him off, but kicks out with her left leg instead, breaking the sofa table in half. She stares up into the camera a tear in the corner of her left eye. Then her eyes drift shut and her head sinks to the side just as Angel finally rolls off her, panting. His face morphs back to human and he pushes himself up looking over at Buffy. The redness around the arrow wound is gone. Angel worried: "Buffy?" She lies motionless eyes closed. Angel bending over her: "Buffy!" Part 3 Angel runs into the hospital carrying a limp Buffy in his arms. Angel: "I need some help! She lost a lot of blood." Nurse: "What happened?" Angel runs into the ER: "She needs blood." Nurse: "Try to stay calm. We're going to take care of her." Angel lays Buffy down on a bed: "Something bit her. She needs a transfusion." Doctor: "You found her?" Angel: "Yes." Doctor: "Was she conscious?" Angel: "Yes." Doctor: "Are you *sure*?" Angel: "I'm sure." Doctor: "Okay." To the nurse: "I need a type, I need cross-match. Get her on two lines of Wringer's lactate, and watch for hyper-bulimic shock." To Angel: "Tell me: What - happened?" Angel: "Something bit her. I don't know what." Doctor (to nurse): "Okay. I need a rabies sh*t treatment. (to Angel) Any allergies?" Angel: "None." He rips the handle of the door without really noticing what he's doing. The doctor jumps back surprised. Angel (clearly upset and at the end of his patience): "*Just* help her." Doctor after a b*at: "You two been doing drugs? (Angel just looks at him) You want her to live, you have to be straight with me." Angel: "She's clean." Doctor: "All right. Wait outside. Let us work." Angel: "A phone." Doctor: "Right out there." With a last look at Buffy laying on the bed Angel leaves the room and goes over to a payphone digging some change out of his pocket. There is a police officer standing in the hall. While Angel dials we hear a different doctor: "The bones are set, and the damage to the kidneys is repairable." Camera pans through a nearby door to show a doctor talking to a distraught looking Mayor. "But the head trauma, its… well its simply to severe. You know, it’s a wonder she's alive at all, with the blood loss. - I… I'm sorry Sir, there is almost no chance at all that she is ever going to regain consciousness." Camera pans over to show Faith laying in a hospital bed. She looks badly bruised. She is wearing an oxygen tube, an IV, and several monitoring devices. You can hear a heart monitor beeping. The Mayor reaches down and gently brushes her hair from her forehead and strokes her cheek. Mayor: "It's your day." Camera pans to show a nurse coming up to the doctor behind him. Nurse: "We have another girl with severe blood loss. Doctor Pal wants you to prep this on an anti cubal cut down (?)." Doctor: "I'll be right there." Camera pans back to the Mayor, who realizes just who that other girl must be. He leaves the room and walks over to Buffy's bed. He puts his left hand over her mouth, also blocking her nose. Buffy starts to move her head with a soft protest. A nurse comes in and tries to pull his hand away, but is unable to budge him. :"Oh, my God. Sir! No!" She turns and runs out of the room shouting: "Somebody call security!" Close up on Buffy struggling harder. A pair of hands grab the Mayor and push him away from the bed. Angel: "Don't do that!" The Mayor stumbles back, then gets right into Angel's face: "I will. I do that and *worse*. (looks over Angel's shoulder at Buffy) m*rder little fiend! Did you see what she did to my Faith?" Angel: "Hadn't any plans to weep over that one." Mayor seriously upset: "Well, I'd get set for some weeping if I were you. I'd get set for a *world* of pain! Misery loves company, young man, and I'm looking to share that with you and your *whore*!" Angel's hands sh**t forward and he throws him clear across the room. The Mayor impacts with a window looking onto the corridor, breaking it, then drops to the floor overturning a small metal hospital table holding various implements. The noise brings two nurses to see what's going on. The Mayor looks up at a mad Angel and picks himself up laughing. Mayor brushing off his suit and gesturing towards Angel: "Looks like somebody has been eating his spinach. (looking over to the two nurses) No, its okay, folks. It's all right. The show's not over, but there will be a short intermission. (looks back at Angel) Don't want to miss the second act. (walks by Angel and out the door) All kinds of excitement!" Angel breathing deeply: "I'll be there." Swallowing hard he looks back at Buffy laying still on the bed. Cut to the hallway: Angel is crouched down next to the door to Buffy's room, his back against the wall. The door at the end of the hallway opens. Giles, Willow, Oz and Xander come in. Angel gets up. Giles: "How is she?" Angel: "She's fine. She's asleep." Oz with a puzzled frown: "Well, you seem all right, too." Angel looks down and wraps his arms around himself: "Yeah." Xander looks him up and down: "What happened?" Willow: "When we left her she was fine. Did Faith…" Angel interrupts her still not looking at any of them: "Faith's out of the picture. Buffy put her into a coma." Xander takes a deep breath and stares at Angel: "And?" Angel shaken and still not meeting their eyes: "Buffy cured me. - Made me…" trails off. Giles: "You fed off her." Angel looks up at him, takes a deep breath and nods his head once: "Yes." Giles rather stern: "How much?" Xander swallows hard and looks away. Angel: "She's gonna be fine." Willow: "She won't be a vampire?" Angel looking down again: "No. - She didn't feed off me." Xander shakes his head: "Well, its just good to know that when the chips are down and things look grim you'll feed off the girl who *loves* you to save your own *ass*!" Angel says nothing. Willow and Oz just look at him. Giles curtly: "You better go, Angel. We'll watch over her." Angel shakes is head: "I don't want to…" Giles interrupts in a hard voice: "The sun will be up soon." Angel hesitates, clearly reluctant to leave, glances up at Giles. Swallows hard and nods looking down, half looks towards Buffy's room, then slowly walks away. Xander shakes his head: "Gosh, I'm really going to miss him when he leaves town." Giles: "Let's go find out how Buffy's doing." They walk out of the picture as Angel leaves through the door at the end of the hallway. Cut to Buffy walking through Faith's apartment her arms crossed in front of her. There are cardboard boxes stacked everywhere. Buffy stops and sees a cat jump up on Faith's bed. Buffy: "Who's going to look after him?" Faith: "It's a she. And aren't these things supposed to take care of themselves?" walks up behind Buffy and stops next to her. Buffy: "A higher power guiding us?" Faith looks at her then turns away and keeps walking towards the camera: "I'm pretty sure that's not what I meant." Buffy looking down: "There's something I'm supposed to be doing." Faith: "Oh yeah. - Miles to go - Little Ms. Muffet counting down from 7-3-0." Buffy grimaces: "Great. - Riddles." Faith standing in front of the broken window looking out: "Sorry, it's my head. A lot of new stuff." Buffy looks at her with a half smile. The cat on the bed turns for a split second into the image of a girl (Faith?) laying on the bed in white gown at the same time as Faith still looking out the broken window says: "They are never going to fix this, are they?" Buffy concerned: "What about you?" Faith turns around and gestures at her head: "Scar tissue. It fades. It all fades." Buffy looks down with a frown. For a split second Faith's bloody Kn*fe appears in the palm of her hand. Faith as Buffy looks back up: "You want to know the deal? Human weakness - never goes away. Not even his." Buffy with a half smile: "Is this your mind or mine?" Faith with a short laugh: "Beats me." Buffy gives a little laugh in return and looks down. Faith walks towards her: "Getting towards that time." Buffy looks at all the boxes and the w*apon laid out on the table beside her: "How are you going to fit all this stuff?" Faith: "Not gonna. It's yours." Buffy: "I can't use all of this!" Faith: "Just take what you need. (reaches her right hand up to touch Buffy's cheek) "You're ready?" Flash to white and to Buffy waking up in the hospital. She gets out of bed and slowly walks over to where Faith lies. She looks down at her then softly kisses her forehead. Cut to Buffy, fully dressed, walking down the corridor where Xander is pacing while the others are sitting on a bench. They see her and get up to greet her. Willow: "Buffy!" Xander: "Are you okay?" Giles: "How do you feel?" Buffy looks around: "Is Angel here?" Oz: "He had to go. It got kinda sunny." Buffy: "Get him. Get everyone." Xander: "What exactly is up?" Giles: "Buffy, are you sure you're all right?" Buffy: "I'm ready." Willow: "Ready for what?" Buffy: "w*r." Part 4 In front of Sunnydale High: there are benches set up for the graduation and a podium for the speaker. Snyder stands at a table holding a box full of diplomas, tapping one of them in his hands and looking around, then sticking it into the box with the others. Cut to the library: Buffy is sitting on a chair with her back to the door, facing the others. Giles and Xander on the right side of the table, Willow and Oz on the left, Cordelia standing just left of the steps, while Angel is over against the wall on the right side of the steps in the shadows. Buffy: "So, am I crazy?" Willow: "Well, 'crazy' is such a *strong* word." Giles chewing on his glasses: "Let's not rule it out though." Buffy: "You don't think it can be done?" Giles: "I didn't say that. I might, - but not yet." Cordelia: "I personally don't think it's impossible to come up with a crazier plan." Oz: "We att*ck the Mayor with humus." Everyone looks at him. Cordelia: "I stand corrected." Oz: "Just trying to keep things in perspective." Cordelia sarcastic: "Thank you. - My point however is, crazy or not, it's pretty much the only plan. - Besides, it's Buffy's, - and she's slay gal, - you know, Ms little Likes-to-fight. So.." Xander interrupts her: "I think there was a 'yea' vote buried in there somewhere." Buffy: "Well, I'm going to need every single one of you on board. Especially you Xander. You're sort of the key figure here." Xander: "Key? - Me? (takes a deep breath) Okay, - pride, - humility, - and here is the mind numbing fear. (sighs) What do I have to do?" Buffy: "Do you remember any of your military training from when you became soldier guy?" Xander points at her: "Uh, rocket launcher?" Buffy regretfully: "Rocket launcher not going to get it done. I mean, it took a volcano to k*ll one of these things last time." Giles gets up and walks towards her: "Um, Buffy, all of this is rather depended on your being able to control the Mayor." Buffy: "Faith told me to play on his human weakness." Willow: "Faith told you? Was that before or after you put her into a coma?" Buffy: "After." Willow: "Oh." Then looks confused over at Oz. Giles: "His weakness." Buffy: "Right." Giles: "Which is…?" Buffy: "You know I do all this planing. I'm in charge here, even though I am really not at my best…" Giles puts his glasses back on: "Well, let's… let's…ah, let's think." Oz: "Well, Angel, you hung with him the most. Is there something that he's afraid of?" Buffy's looking down uncomfortably. Angel: "Well, he's not crazy about germs." Cordelia: "Of course, that's it. We att*ck him with germs!" Buffy: "Great! We'll corner him and then you can sneeze on him." Cordelia gesturing excitedly: "No! No, we'll get a box with the Ebola virus and… and…. Or it doesn't even have to be real, we can just get a box that says Ebola on it and… uhm (snaps her fingers) chase him… (Oz frowns and no one else says anything) with the box…" Xander: "I'm starting to lean towards the humus offensive." Oz: "He'll never see it coming." Angel: "Faith." Buffy glances over at him and asks: "Faith?" Angel: "At the hospital he was grieving. Seriously crazed, and not just in a homicidal I want to be a demon way. (Wesley comes in the door behind Buffy) She is his weak link." Buffy: "Faith. (looks up at Giles) I can work that." Wesley coming up behind her: "You haven't an enormous amount of time." Xander: "Hey it's Mr. States-the-Obvious." Buffy without turning around: "The council is not welcome here. I have no time for orders. If I need someone to scream like a woman I'll give you a call." Wesley comes to stand next to her: "I'm not here for the council. Just tell me how I can help." Buffy looks up at him. Cordelia: "That is so classy! (looks around at the others) Isn't he just so classy?" Buffy: "It's a start." Wesley: "So there is something I can do… besides scream like a woman." Buffy: "There is plenty. There is chores for everyone. (Get up off her chair) Okay, this is…" Cut to the Mayor speaking to his hench-vamps: "…how it's going to lay out. The transformation should begin at exactly 3:28. I'll just be finishing my speech - you know, it's too bad you fellows have to miss that, because I think it speaks to everyone of us. I mean, heck, I've been working on it for a hundred years. It better be good. (laughs) They'll try to run, of course, and this is when I'll need you boys in flanking position." Vampire: "But Sir, the sun!" Mayor: "Not a problem." Blends into the library and Wesley reading: "Darkness will follow and day becomes night." Buffy stands next to him with her arms crossed: "An eclipse." Wesley: "Standard procedure for an ascension?" Angel steps up to them: "That puts me back into the game." Buffy: "Yea, it does. You and Xander are going to have to work together now. Can you guys handle that?" Neither one of them looks precisely overjoyed at the prospect. Xander: "But I'm still key-guy, right?" Buffy: "Right." Xander: "Then Angel, - in his non key-guy capacity, - can work with me." Angel sarcastic: "What fun." Xander to Angel: "Hey! Key-guy is still talking…" Buffy: "Oh, that's good! Start bickering. That's going to look great for us. (walks past them towards the steps) You guys are like little old ladies!" Cut to the Mayor pointing at a map: "You come up through the sewers here. The important thing is containment. I'll need to feed. It's crucial in the first few minutes to sustain the change. What does that mean? (shakes his finger at them) No snacking. I see blood on your lips, it's a visit to the wood shed for you boys. k*ll. Don't feed." Cut to Buffy coming to look over Oz' and Willow's shoulders as they are looking through some books on the table of the library. Buffy: "So, how are we coming on vulcano detail?" Oz: "I think we can work it out." Willow: "Fun with chemistry." Buffy: "Xander said he should be able to get the materials." Oz: "Who's going to stoke it up?" Buffy turns to Giles coming up beside them: "You feel up to it?" Giles taking off his glasses: "Ah, I suppose it should be I. It's strangely fitting in a grotesque fashion." Buffy: "Okay guys, start reaching out. Giles: w*apon, w*apon, w*apon." Starts walking out. Giles: "Ah, what about you?" Buffy: "There is something I have to get." Cut to the Mayor: "Remember: fast and brutal. It's going to be a whole new world come nightfall, don't want to weaken now. (the vampires start leaving his office) And boys? - Let's watch the swearing." Cut to Xander walking into a classroom where Harmony is talking with two other girls. Xander takes her by the arm: "Harmony, listen, I need to talk to you for a second." Harmony: "You mean in front of other people?" Xander grimaces and pulls her out of the room. Cut to Percy wearing his graduation gown: "Are they serious? I'm going to look stupid in this!" Willow comes up behind him: "Percy!" Percy turns to her: "Do I look stupid in this? Be honest." Willow: "You look great. You got a sec?" Cut to Wesley and Cordelia putting books into boxes in the library. The glance at each other a couple of times when the other isn't looking, but continue packing. Wesley straightens up and says firmly: "Cordelia." Cordelia spins around to face him: "Yes." Wesley: "You know that… when this is over…" Cordelia: "Yes." Wesley: "uhm, well, should we prevail… I'll be going back to England." Cordelia turns back to the shelf and take down another book: "I know." Wesley shifting awkwardly: "With Buffy no longer working for the council, there really is… no place for me here." Cordelia turns back around and steps closer to him: "I guess not." Wesley takes a step towards her clasping his hands in front of him: "No… reason to stay." Cordelia inches closer: "No." Wesley inches close as well: "No. No… cause to hope that…(takes off his glasses while Cordy looks down) I might be needed?" Cordy looks up at him: "Needed?" Wesley: "Or… wanted…" Cordelia: "Wanted…" Wesley takes a deep breath and leans down to kiss Cordy putting his hands behind his back. Cordy puts a on his shoulder and tries to kiss him. They bump noses and juggle awkwardly. Wesley waves his hand s around in the air beside Cordy. Cordy tries to wrap her arms around his back to pull him (unsuccessfully) closer. They maneuver around a bit more then pull back to look at each other breaking apart. Cordy looks to the side and wipes her mouth. They try again but with about as much success. They break back apart and Cordy sighs in frustration and disappointment. She wipes her mouth again and looks back up at him taking a deep breath: "Good look in England." Wesley nods and puts his glasses back on: "Yes, uhm, I'll drop you a line some time." Cordy smiles at him: "That'll be neat." Wesley smiles back at her: "Yes, hmm…" Wesley wipes his mouth as they turn away from each other and go back to packing up the books. Cut to Larry and Jonathon taking sacks of fertilizer (?) from Oz and Willow out of Oz' black van and putting them into a shopping cart. Oz: "Okay, put these with the others. Don't touch anything." Jonathon: "Uh, wha… what do we do then?" Oz: "Nothing." Willow: "Just relax. Have a good time." Jonathon: "O… Okay." Larry: "Okay, it's clear. Lets move." Starts moving off with the shopping cart while Jonathon shuts the van's sliding door. Cut inside the van. Willow: "I guess that's it. Won't be long now." Oz (concerned): "You nervous?" Willow swallows: "Only in a… terrified way." Oz takes her hand: "We'll make it through this." Willow: "Are you sure?" Oz considers: "I sound pretty sure, don't I?" Willow smiles: "Yeah." Oz half smiles: "Then I must be sure." Willow frowns at him: "Is that just a comforting way of not answering the question?" Oz blinks and almost shrugs. Willow and oz lean forward and they kiss softly. Oz puts his hand up to caress the side of her head. They kiss some more. Willow pulls away just a little and slowly opens her eyes: "How long till graduation?" Oz: "A little while." Willow moves to kiss him again. Cut to Buffy walking into Giles office where Angel is sorting through w*apon. When she sees Angel she hesitates for a moment, then continues in. Angel with out turning around to see who came in: "Did you get what you needed?" Buffy coming up next to him: "Yeah, I did. (looks at the w*apon) This isn't going to be enough." Angel still looking down at the stuff on the table: "Giles is on it. (as Buffy turns and starts to leave he turns and asks quickly) How are you?" Buffy stops and slowly turns towards him avoiding his eyes she says quietly: "I heal fast. Like you." then louder: "So, are we sure that everyone knows what their position…" Angel interrupts her looking down at the table, quietly: "I'm not going to say good-bye." Buffy looks up at him with a frown, which slowly dissolves. Angel glances up at her, looks back down, swallows then looks back up: "If we get through this… I'm just going to go." Buffy slowly looks down. Angel: "You understand? (Buffy nods slightly and swallows hard) There is just too much to…" Buffy puts up a hand to stop him. Angel hesitates a moment then puts down the crossbow bolt he has been playing with and turns to leave quietly. Buffy takes a slow breath then looks down at her hands and unwraps the white cloth in her hand to reveal Faith's Kn*fe with some dried blood still coloring the blade. Cut to the quad and the student taking their seats. The music stops and the students sit down. Snyder at the podium: "Congratulations to the class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate. This is a time of celebration, so: sit still and be quiet. (Surveys the students) Spit out that gum. - Please welcome our distinguished guest speaker: Richard Wilkins the 3rd. (to one of the students) I saw that gesture. You see me after graduation." Turns and claps. Cut to the students clapping and Willow and Oz running to take their places. Willow sits down next to Buffy. Willow: "Am I late? To the fight? (?)" The Mayor shakes Snyder's hand and steps up to the podium. Smiles and takes out some cue cards. Mayor clears his throat and surveys the students: "Well. What a day this is! - Special day. Today is our centennial the one hundreds anniversary of the founding of Sunnydale, and I know what that means to all you kids: not - a darn thing. Because today something much more important happens: today you all graduate from high school. Today all the pain, all the work, all the excitement is finally over. And what's a hundred years of history compared to that? You know what kids? …" Buffy: "Oh my God. He's going to do the entire speech." Willow: "Man, just ascend already." Buffy: "Evol!" Mayor: "… for all of you it may be that there is a place in Sunnydale's history, whether you like it or not. It's been a long road getting here. For you… for Sunnydale. There has been achievement, joy, good times,… and there has been grief. There's been loss. Some people who should be here today… aren't. (close-up on Buffy listening) But we are. - Journey's end. And what is a journey? Is it just… distance traveled? Time spent? (shakes his head) No. It's what happens on the way, it the things that happen to you. At the end of the journey you're not the same. Today is about change. (close-up on Willow) Graduation doesn't just mean your circumstances change, it means you do. You ascend… to a higher level. (Pan across Xander and Cordy) Nothing will ever be the same. (a shadow falls across the Mayor) Nothing." He looks up. Buffy and the other students look up to see the sun being totally blocked. The Mayor flinches in pain. Then swallows and continues his speech: "And so as we look back on… (Pain hits him again and he turns half to the side groaning) on the events that brought us to this day (another wave of pain) " Buffy with her hat off: "Come on." Mayor: "We… (stops in pain again all the students are watching tensely) we must all…(screams) (the students and the faculty look at each other uneasily) It has g*n. My destiny. (smiles) It's a little sooner then I expected I had this whole section on civic pride… (shuffles cue cards) But I guess we'll just skip to the big finish!" Buffy and Willow look at each other as the Mayor starts to grimace and stretch and grow. His suit splits around him and Snyder is leaning back in his seat looking taken aback. The Mayor suddenly transforms into a big snake-like demon with clawed mandibles surrounding its mouth. It keeps growing, stretching higher as the faculty abandons their seats. The students get up but stay in place staring up at the Mayor, who seems to stretch up above the roof of the school. Part 5 The Students stare up as the parents in the back to panic and leave. A group of vampires comes up the steps behind the students. Buffy: "Now!" All the students take off their gowns revealing crosses, axes, and other assorted w*apon. Buffy: "Flame units." (Several students (including Larry point flame throwers at the Mayor and start flaming him. The Mayor sways above the students screaming. Buffy nods at Xander. Xander: "First wave! (a group of students including Willow aim cross bows loaded with lance points at the Mayor) f*re!" The Mayor screams and sways then lunges down and swallows a student in the first row. Buffy stares in shock, as some of the students start milling around. Snyder upset: "This… this is simply unacceptable!" Three up the students break and run right into the group of vampires waiting on the steps. Oz looks over as they are quickly k*lled by the vampires. Oz turns back around: "Xander?" Xander: "Arm bow men (Oz and some others pick up long bows and arrows. The vampires slowly move up the steps as the kids lit their arrows on f*re and take aim) f*re!" The students let fly a mass and several vampires are h*t and turn into flaming dust. Xander looks back at the students in front of the Mayor. Jonathan comes flying through the air and lands on top some students knocking them down. Buffy to the students around her: "Fall back!" Xander to the bow men: "f*re!" The students let fly with the f*re arrows again and several more vampires get h*t. The vampires turn to leave only to find themselves confronted by another group of students led by Angel who is flanked by Percy and Wesley. They look at each other for a moment then Angel's group att*cks. Angel starts b*at up some vampires. Wesley runs up and right into a vampires fist, falls on his back (ala clothes line trick). Angel fights two or three vampires at once easily holding his own. The flame units once more sh**t f*re at the Mayor. Larry's flame thrower cuts out or jams and after a moment he put is down and takes up a lance. The Mayor's tail whips around, throwing Larry up in the air. He lands hard in front of the podium. Cut to Angel throwing some vampires around. Cut to Buffy getting up on a chair and looking up at the Mayor. Cut to Snyder looking up: "This is not orderly. This is not discipline!" Cut to the Mayor's snake head whipping around. Cut to Snyder talking to the Mayor: "You're on my campus buddy!" Cut to view point of the Mayor looking down at Snyder. Snyder: "And when I say I want quiet, I want…" Cut to the Mayor's head coming down and swallowing Snyder. Buffy and Xander look on in horror. Buffy to the students around her: "Fall Back! Get back! (She gets down from her chair and turns to Willow) Go!" Willow says: "Good luck!" then leaves. Buffy: "Xander take 'em down." Xander pulls a stake out of his back pocket: "Everyone: hand to hand! (Buffy reaches into her jacket) Everyone! Lets go! Move! Move!" Cut to Angel sending a vampire flying, then taking care of two others. His group is driving the vampires back up the steps. One of them turns around and yells: "Get the kids!" The other vampires turn to follow his lead only to find themselves confronted with a mass of armed and angry teenagers with baseball bats, crosses and stakes. Harmony gets bit, but another girl starts whaling on her attacker with a bat. Jonathon jumps a vampire and falls down the steps with him. Xander struggling with another vampire: "Right flank close in. Close!(pushes the vampire off) Jason and Paul(?) you guys are right flank!" Cut to Angel punching another two vampires. Cut to Cordy staking a vampire coming at her in good form. Cut to Oz moving down the steps. Cut to Wesley still laying on his back lifting a hand and looking around. Wesley groaning: "How about some help here…" We see feet rushing past him. Cut to students fighting. Cut to the Mayor's head swing in the air. Mayor's PoV: Buffy: "Hey! (holds Faith's Kn*fe in her right hand) You remember this? (Close on Buffy looking up at the Mayor) I took it from Faith. Stuck it in her gut. (Looks at the Kn*fe then back up at the Mayor) Just slid in her like she was butter." Cut to the Mayor gnashing his teeth and growling. Mayor's PoV: Buffy: "You want to get it back from me (close up on Buffy) Dick?" Camera from Mayor's PoV: Buffy turns and runs into the school with the Mayor in pursuit. Cut to the hall: Buffy opens the door and runs in. The Mayor barrels down the door and some of the surrounding wall as he pursues her. Buffy keeps running towards the library while the Mayor tears through the school like a freight train. Buffy runs into the library, vaults a banister looking back at the Mayor. The Mayor looks around the library and sees the barrels of diesel fuel and bags of fertilizer stacked everywhere. Buffy keeps running and jumps out of a window. Cut to the Mayor looking around and growling. Mayor (in his own voice that sounds like it is coming from the bottom of a rain barrel): "Well, gosh." Cut to Buffy crouching down next to Giles who pushes down the plunger. Cut to a f*re cloud erupting from the top of the school. Cut to Xander and Angel looking up at the expl*si*n. Cut to some more expl*si*n erupting from the school. Cut to Percy laying on the steps looking up at them. Cut to Jonathon protectively wrapping his arms around a girl as he looks at another expl*si*n. Cut to more expl*si*n erupting all along the school. Cut to Buffy and Giles nest to the plunger. Close on Buffy staring then looking over at Giles. Cut to police cars and f*re trucks parked in front of the school. The air is dark and smoky. We see two f*re men wheeling a gurney with a groaning Wesley over towards an ambulance. Wesley: "If I could… could just get something for the pain. It's rather a lot of pain, actually. Aspirin? If you would… uh… ah…(The f*re men start sliding the gurney into the ambulance) Perhaps I could just be knocked unconscious." More groaning as they slide him into the ambulance. Pan to Xander and Buffy walking by. Xander watches Wesley being put in the ambulance. Buffy keeps looking around her. Xander: "We got off pretty cheap… considering." Buffy still looking around: "Seems like we did." They walk a few more steps then Buffy stops still looking around. Xander stops beside her his hands buried in his pockets. Xander: "He made it through the fight. (Buffy whips around to look at him) Guess maybe he (take a deep breath) he took off after." Buffy blinks and looks down. Xander makes a grimace then turns and walks away. Buffy stand there, again looking around, and Giles comes up to her. Giles puts a hand on her shoulder: "Are you all right?" Buffy lays her head to one side: "I'm tired." Giles smiles: "I should imagine so. It's been quite a couple of days." Buffy tiredly: "I haven't processed everything yet. (with a small laugh) My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. (takes a deep breath) It's pretty much: f*re bad; tree pretty." Giles shakes his head: "Understandable. Well, when it's working again congratulate it on a good campaign. You did very well." Buffy nods: "Thank you. I will." Giles puts his glasses on: "I ah… I managed to ferret this out of the wreckage. Now, it may not interest you, but… (reaches into his jacket and pulls out a high school diploma) I'd say you earned it." Hands it to Buffy who looks at it and takes it. Giles taking a deep breath and looking around: "There is a certain (takes off his glasses) dramatic irony that's attached to all this. A Synchronicity that borders on… on predestination, one might say." Buffy looks at him: "f*re bad; tree pretty.' Giles looks at her: "Yes, s…sorry. (puts his glasses back on) I'm going to see to Wesley, see if he's… is still… (suppressing a laugh) whimpering." Walks off and Buffy looks after him. Suddenly she turns around a slight frown on her face. Her eyes lock on something and her face clears. Cut to Angel standing beside a f*re truck looking at her. Close on Angel's face. Close on Buffy's face. Both just staring at each other. Buffy blinks and her face falls. She hugs herself a little closer. Close on Angel, first obscured by some firemen walking by, then by a cloud of smoke. The smoke blows by and he steps back, slowly turns around and walks off. Cut to Buffy watching him leave. Cut to Angel disappearing into the smoke. Cut to Willow sitting on a stone bench in front of the school, Xander sitting beside her on the ground and Oz standing behind her. Cordelia come walking up to them. Cordelia: "Well, that’s the most fun you can have without having any fun." Willow smiling: "How about the part where we kicked some demon ass. (Oz strokes her hair from behind) I didn't hate that." Xander: "Hear, hear!" Buffy come walking up: "You guys want to take off? I think we've done pretty much all we can." Cordelia raises her eyebrows and nods: "I'm for it." Willow looks up at Buffy: "Are you okay?" Buffy nods and says in a small voice: "Yeah… I'm okay. - I could use a little sleep though." Willow nods and agrees emphatically: "Yeah." Buffy sits down on the bench next to her: "If someone could just wake me when it's time to go to college, that'd be great." Willow smiles at her. Oz his hands in his pockets: "Guys take a moment to deal with this: - we survived." Xander nods. Buffy: "It was a hell of a battle!" Oz: "Not the battle (Cordy looks at him) high school." They all look quietly at the school and listen to the crickets chirping. Oz: "We're taking a moment (Willow and Buffy get up from the bench. Oz looks at Cordy) and we're done." Xander get up and walks off next to Cordelia: "Well, School's done." Oz puts an arm around Willow as they all walk off together. Xander: "It's ssso… Cool!" Willow: "Why do demons even come here any more? I mean, don't they know…" Camera pans down to show a maroon Sunnydale High 99 yearbook with the word 'The Future Is Ours' on it. Fade out.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "03x22 - Graduation Day Part 2"}

foreverdreaming

This transcript should be considered as copylefted... that is, you can do anything with this transcript you want as long as it doesn't interfere with others right's to do anything with it that they might want, also. You can modify it, but if you want to use any part of this transcript, your modifications should be copylefted also. Explicit license is hereby given for anyone to archive this transcript whenever and wherever they may wish. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's night in the cemetery and Buffy is pacing back and forth. Willow is seated cross-legged reading papers. Buffy: [sighing] Anything? Willow: Ah! 'Introduction to the Modern Novel.' "A survey study of twentieth century novelists." Open to freshmen, you might like that. Buffy: 'Introduction to the Modern Novel?' I'm guessing I'd probably have to read the modern novel. Willow: Maybe more than one. Buffy: I like books. I just don't want to take on too much. Do they have an introduction to the modern blurb? Willow: Oh! Short story. Buffy: Well, that's good. Willow: Oh, no. It conflicts with Psych. Buffy: Maybe I shouldn't take Psych. Willow: You gotta. I-It's fun, a-and you can use it as your science requirement. Anyway, Professor Walsh is supposed to be great. She's like, world-renowned. Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be 'nowned' first? Willow: Yes, first there's the painful 'nowning' process. Wait! 'Images of Pop Culture.' This is good. T-They watch movies, T-TV shows, even commercials. Buffy: For credit? Willow: Heh. Isn't college cool? Buffy: How'd I miss that one? Buffy walks over and sits beside her. Willow: Well, you did sort of wait till the last minute with your course selection. Buffy: Sorry, 'Miss I-chose-my-major-in-playgroup.' Willow: That's an exaggeration. I just, you know, think it's good to be prepared. Don't want to be caught unawares. Behind them a hand thrusts up out of a fresh grave. Buffy: Well I've been busy! It's been a very slay-heavy summer. I just haven't had a whole lot of time to think about life at UC Sunnydale. A vampire's head and shoulders emerge from the grave. Willow: It's exciting, though, isn't it? Buffy: Yeah! It's gonna be an adjustment. Willow: Yeah, it's like, five miles away. It's uncharted territory. The vampire struggles to climb up. Buffy: Giles said I have to be secret-identity gal again. Willow: That makes sense. The vampire makes it out of the grave and starts walking toward them, his face vamped out. Buffy: It's gonna be tough, though... with a roommate. Willow: Yeah. Buffy: I'm psyched about college. (The vampire smiles as he gets closer.) Buffy: Definitely. (He stops as he sees w*apon stacked against a gravestone.) Buffy: I just need to figure out how it's going to work with my extra-curricular activities. (The vamp looks at Buffy, the smile gone.) Buffy: I just can't let it take the edge off my slaying. (Shaking his head, the vampire turns and walks away.) Buffy: I gotta stay sharp. (She looks behind her toward the fresh grave.) Is this guy ever gonna wake up? [Opening credits] Buffy is standing in the middle of a quad with students milling all around her. She's looking around. Student Volunteer: FRESHMEN! WE'RE DOING THIS BY FOLDER COLOR! IF YOU'RE NOT HOLDING ON TO A YELLOW FOLDER, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG GROUP. YOU BELONG UP BY WIESMAN HALL. (She points. Buffy looks at the folders in her arms but doesn't see a yellow one. She starts to walk in the indicated direction.) Girl standing in front of banner that reads "THIS MUST STOP" Girl: Not gonna take it! Crowd: No! Girl: Don't take it lying down! Crowd: No! Girl: What do we want? Crowd: [Unintelligible... Food?] Girl: When do we want it? Crowd: Now! A student walks up and hands her a flier. Boy: Rally, tomorrow night. We have to let the administration know how we feel. Buffy: Yeah, right. Another student hands her another flier. Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Buffy: Uh, you know I meant to and then I just got really busy. A third student hands her yet another flier. Boy: Party, Thursday at Alpha Delt, you gotta be there. Free Jello sh*ts for freshman women. Buffy: Hey, you guys know where Wiesman hall is? But the student is already accosting someone else. Buffy continues walking and Willow meets up with her. Willow: Buffy, Hey! Buffy: Oh, boy am I glad to see you. They continue walking. Willow: Isn't this cool? There's so much going on. Buffy: Yeah. Almost, one might say, too much. Willow: I got all my courses... except for 'Modern Poetry', I had to switch to 'Ethno-musicology.' But that's cool, West-African drumming, I think it's going to change everything. Have you met your roommate yet? Buffy: No. Willow: Me neither. I hope she's cool. Buffy: (Indicating the fliers in Willow's hands.) I see you got ticketed too. Willow: Yes! I've heard about five different issues and I'm angry about each and every one of them. What'd you get? Buffy: 'Jello sh*ts.' Willow: I didn't get 'Jello sh*ts!' (She picks a flier out and tries to hand it to Buffy.) I-I'll trade you for a-a 'Take Back the Night.' Buffy hands over all her fliers with a smile. Buffy: Are we heading anywhere near Wiesman Hall? I still need to get my I.D. card. Willow: Oh, I got mine this morning. The lines are really long now, you should have gone early. Buffy: Well, I hope that I learn from this experience, and that I grow. Willow: I'm being annoying, aren't I? Buffy: No, it's nice that you're excited. Willow: It's just in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up--you know?--and letting this place thrust into and spurt knowledge into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in. Buffy: I'm with you, though, I'm all for spurty knowledge. It's just, a little overwhelming. Don't you feel it? Willow: Well, I'm... (Gasp) Ooh, boyfriend! My on-campus boyfriend. (Oz comes up and he and Willow kiss.) Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line's probably really long there, too. Willow: How are you? Oz: Good. It's pretty much a madhouse, a madhouse. Buffy: I know, I was just saying that to Willow. I mean it's just so overwhelming. Don't you feel completely disoriented? Paul: Oz! (A student comes up to them.) Oz: Hey, Paul. Paul: Finally matriculating with us, very cool! Tell me you're playing this week! Oz: Thursday night, Alpha Delta. Willow: Ooh! (She holds up a flier.) I have that one! Paul: I'm bringing the wrecking crew. Jello sh*ts? Hmm? Do you know where they're distributing the work study applications? Oz: (Points.) Back of Richmond Hall, next to the auditorium. Paul: Thanks. Seeya bro. (He walks off.) Oz: Go get'em. (He remembers what Buffy was talking about.) My band's played here a lot. It's still all new. I don't know what the hell's going on. (He sees someone.) Hey, Doug! Later, Buffy and Willow are indoors, walking along a hallway. Willow: Library... ooh! Library. C'mon. (They start climbing a flight of stairs.) Buffy: It's too bad Giles can't be librarian here. Be convenient. They reach a landing and turn left to continue up another flight. Willow: Well, he says that he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure. Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just british for unemployed? Willow: Uh-huh, he's a slacker now. Buffy: Speaking of slack, have you heard anything from Xander? Willow: Not for awhile, he's still on his cross-country-see-America thing. (They reach another landing and turn to climb yet another flight.) He said he wasn't coming back until he had driven to all fifty states. Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii? Willow: Oh, he seemed so determined. Buffy: I hope he gets back soon. It'd be fun to have the whole g*ng back together--you know?--hanging out in the... library. Wow! They enter the library, a huge room with a vaulting cupola ceiling. Willow: Oh my gosh! Isn't this amazing? Buffy: It's... cozy. Willow: You know I never wanted to hurt Giles' feelings, but occult books aside, our old library just didn't have the greatest selection. But this! Buffy: Yeah, this is great, you know, if we ever need a place for the Nuremberg rallies. Willow: This is a real library. (Someone shushes them.) See we even have to whisper. It's like a whole new world. The bookstore. Students are milling about carrying books in shopping baskets. Buffy carries an arm full of books and Willow comes up with a basket. Willow: Here. Buffy: Thanks. (Buffy puts the books in the basket.) Can't wait till mom gets the bill for these books, I hope it's a funny aneurysm. Willow: 'Introduction to Psychology.' Oh, up there. (She indicates three of four books stacked on the edge of the top of a bookshelf.) Buffy: I'll get'em. You know, this store discriminates against short people. Willow: Oh, I think there's a protest next week. Buffy reaches up and accidentally knocks the books off. Buffy: Woah, oh. (They fall on the head of a young man crouched underneath. He staggers back but recovers.) Oh, ahh. Oh god, I'm so sorry. He stands up. Riley: I'm okay. It's okay. Well, that was bracing. Buffy: I'm so... the books were just too high, and then everything was bad. (She bends down to pick up the books.) Riley: Let me give you a hand. (He bends down and picks up some books.) Let's put a few of these down here. (He puts them on a lower shelf.) So, uh, are you girls taking Intro Psych, or do you just want me d*ad? Buffy: Uh-huh. I mean the first one. Riley: Well, you'll have a lot of fun. Professor Walsh--she's quite a character. Willow: You've taken it? Riley: I'm a TA, I'll be helping the Professor out. I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners in all the concussion... I'm Riley. Willow: Willow, and this is my friend Buffy. Riley: It's nice to meet you both. Buffy: I'm nice to meet. Willow: Hey, do you know if we're going to be studying 'Operant Conditioning' in the first semester? 'Cause I hear that's kinda Professor Walsh's specialty. Riley: Absolutely. Do you know her treatise on Dietrichs work? Willow: I know of it. Riley: It's not in the syllabus, but it's a fascinating read... if you're in to that sort of thing. They have it here. Willow: Oh, where? Riley: I'll show you. I don't meet that many freshmen that know that much about psychology. Willow: Well, it's fascinating. Buffy: Yeah, you know, 'cause everyone's got a brain. (Riley half smiles politely and starts leading the way.) Or, almost everyone. (She follows Riley and Willow.) Dorm corridor. Buffy works her way through milling students, both male and female. She enters a dorm room with two beds and two desks. She sees another young woman there unpacking a suitcase laying on one of the beds. Buffy: Hi. Kathy: (Looks up.) Oh, hi! Are you Buffy? Buffy: Yeah. Kathy: Kathy. Buffy: Hi, it's nice to meet you. Kathy: Yeah! Buffy puts her things down on a desk and crosses over to the bed and sits down. Buffy: So, it's, ah... it's a pretty nice room. Kathy: Hmm! I was surprised, 'cause you hear horror stories about freshmen housing. You took the right side? Buffy: Yeah, umm, but if you want it... Kathy: No, no. I just wanted to make sure that's what you wanted. Exited for classes tomorrow? Buffy: Painfully. Kathy: (Laughs) I bet there's going to be a lot of parties to go to this week, too. Not that I'm a crazy partier. Oh, and I'm not always this hyper, either. I'm just excited. Buffy: Yeah, me too. Kathy crosses the room and picks up a folded poster and carries it to a wall on her side of the room. Kathy: I am really glad they put me with somebody cool... I can tell that you're cool. I just know that this whole year is going to be super fun! (She unfolds the poster onto the wall revealing it to be of Celine Dion.) Night time. Buffy is laying in bed listening to Kathy snore, smack her lips and mumble in her sleep. Day time. Buffy is in a lecture hall while Professor Reegert gives his introductory lecture. Professor Reegert: The point of this course is not to critique popular American culture. It is not to pick at it, or look down upon it. And it is not to watch videos for credit. (Small laughter from students.) The point is to examine... Buffy: (Whispers to student beside her) Do you know if this class is full yet? Professor Reegert: And there are two people talking at once, and I know that one of them is me. And the other is... a blonde girl. You, blonde girl. Stand up. I'm very excited to hear what you have to say that's worth interrupting my lecture for. Buffy stands. Buffy: I was just asking if the class was still open, if I could still sign up. Professor Reegert: (Picks up a clipboard.) If your name isn't on this sheet then you are wasting everyone's time. Are you on the sheet? Buffy: They told me that if I just... Professor Reegert: Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Get out! Buffy: I didn't mean to... suck. Professor Reegert: Leave! (She starts to leave.) Thank you. (She walks out.) Busy hallway. Buffy is looking around. Riley comes up to her. Riley: If, uh, you're looking for Psych, it's through here. (He points.) Buffy: Oh, thanks. How's your head? Riley: Sorry? Buffy: Yesterday. In the bookstore. You don't remember. Riley: Oh no, sure, I remember you. You're Willow's friend. Buffy: Yeah. Riley: My head is fine, it just stung for a bit and I lost most of my basic motor functions. It's no biggie. (They reach the lecture hall.) We're here. I'm sorry, I'm trying to remember you. Buffy: Buffy. Riley: Buffy, right. Have fun tonight, ok? Buffy: Thanks. (She starts toward the tiers and turns back.) Buffy: You know, I was just wondering. Professor Walsh isn't planning on yelling at me and kicking me out of the class, is she? Riley: It's not in her lesson plan. Buffy: Great. (She turns back to the tiers and spots Willow and Oz. Willow waves to her, and Buffy climbs up to sit beside her.) Willow: How was pop culture? Buffy: I decided not to take it. It seemed dull. Professor Walsh comes into the lecture hall and Riley hands her a sheet of paper. Professor Walsh: Ok. This is Psych 105, 'Introduction to Psychology', I'm Professor Walsh. Those of you who fall under my good graces will come to know me as Maggie. Those of you who don't will come to know me by the name my TAs use, and think I don't know about, 'The Evil Bitch Monster of Death.' Make no mistake, I run a hard class, I assign a lot of work, I talk fast and I expect you to keep up. If you're looking to coast I recommend 'Geology 101,' that's where the football players are. It's night time and Buffy is walking along a walkway looking around. She looks behind her and collides with another student. Buffy: Ooh! Eddie: Wow, sorry. Buffy: No, I-I wasn't looking. Eddie: Did you, uh, lose your way? Buffy: Me? Oh, no, no, I'm just going to Fischer Hall. Which I know is on the Earth planet. Recently voted 'Most Pathetic.' Uh-huh. Eddie: Hmm, well, I'm lost and I have a map. (He holds it up.) So... Buffy: Ooh, I come in second. I'm Buffy, by the way. Eddie: Eddie. Buffy: Ok, so... (They both study the map.) That's Fischer Hall, right? Eddie: Ok, and this is Dunwirth Building, that's my dorm... it's just... it's us I can't find. Buffy: Are we the blue part? Eddie: No... yes! Buffy: Ok, right, so I-I came from there, then we just wanna go that way (She points.) to the bike path. Eddie: You sound very certain, I'm in. (They start walking and he sees the books in Buffy's arms.) You're taking 'Psych 105' with Professor Walsh. Buffy: Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna try. She's not afraid of the long words, huh? Eddie: Yeah, she's pretty intense. A lot of the courses are really tough. Buffy: I'm a little upset. I had it on good authority that this was a party school. Eddie: I think it's supposed to get easier. Buffy: I still feel like carrying around a security blanket. Eddie: 'Of Human Bondage.' Have you ever read it? Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into p*rn... I mean I'm just... I'm trying to cut way back. Eddie: (Laughs.) No, there's no actual bondage, it's just a novel. I've read it, like, ten times. I always keep it by my bed... security blanket. Buffy: I don't really have a security blanket... unless you count Mr. Pointy. Eddie: Mr. Pointy? Buffy: Oh, bike path. So it's nice to know that I'm not the onlyentirely confused person on this campus. Eddie: I suspect there's a lot of us. Buffy: Well, I'll look for you in Psych. Eddie: Yeah, maybe we can help each other figure out what the hell they're talking about. Buffy: (Laughs.) Ok. Eddie: Maybe even make it through the year. (Laughs.) Buffy: Goodnight. Eddie: Night. Buffy walks away. Eddie smiles pleasantly at her retreating form and then turns to walk in the opposite direction. He gets a few feet when he's grabbed from behind, a hand over his mouth. He looks up at his assailant and sees that his face is vamped out. He also sees two other vampires, young looking man and woman. They part to reveal a young, attractive blonde woman (Face not vamped out.) who takes a few steps toward him. Sunday: I'm sorry... did you lose your way? --------------------------------------------------------------------- Night time. Dorm room, single. The door opens and the vampires enter and start gathering everything up. One sits at the desk and writes something on notebook paper, he tears it out of the book and places it on the bare mattress. Psych class is over, students are gathering their things and leaving. Buffy is looking around for Eddie. Oz: You looking for someone? Buffy: Yeah. Willow: You made a friend? Good for you. Buffy: Thanks, mom. The same single dorm room, Eddie's RA is showing Buffy the empty room. RA: Yeah, Eddie just took off, packed his stuff, left a note. Happens sometimes. People just can't handle it. There's always a few kids who lose it early in the first semester and just bail. Buffy crosses to the bed and picks up the note. She sits on the bed while reading it. The note says, 'This is too much to handle. I can't take it anymore. No time to say goodbye! Eddie' RA: Weak ones, I guess. (He leaves.) Buffy lays the note on the bedside table and notices the drawer is partly open. She opens it to reveal a paperback book. It's Eddies copy of M. Somerset Maugham's 'Of Human Bondage.' She takes it out of the drawer and looks at it intently. Indoors. A cluttered room. Eddie is lying d*ad. The vamps are poring through his things, FatVamp is checking out a purple sweater. Sunday is seated in a chair that is raised off the floor somewhat, making it look like a throne. She is going through Eddie's CDs, tossing them aside one by one. Sunday: Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, (sigh) astonishingly boring... we... we have to k*ll some cooler people. Will somebody remind me? FatVamp: (Now wearing the sweater.) You were the one who said pick on the weak ones, thin the herd and all that. Does this sweater make me look fat? Sunday: No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple. FatVamp: You're such a loser. Sunday: Hey, words can hurt like a fist. SpicoliVamp: Hey, check it out. (He holds up a folded poster.) Sunday: Well? Do we have a Klimt? (He opens it.) Yes! SpicoliVamp: (Carrying it over to a wall with two different styles of posters on it.) Big score for Klimt! (He staples the poster to the wall.) Monet still well in the lead, but look out for team Klimt, coming from behind. (He makes a mark on a white board under the 'Klimt' heading.) Sunday: Freshmen! Man, they're so predictable. SpicoliVamp: And you can never eat just one. FatVamp: Yeah, I'm hungry! Sunday: What a shock. We eat when I say we eat. FatVamp: Well, we could h*t the tunnels... Sunday: We eat (she vamps out and roars) when I say we eat. FatVamp: God, lighten up. SpicoliVamp: I think it's funny when you scream... it's like... (he roars) whoa! Sunday: I got ta get me some better lackeys. I swear, you guys are useless. (she gets up and starts crossing the room) I shouldn't even take you on the hunt. FatVamp: Great! Why don't you let d*ad Eddie get your dinner. Sunday: That's pretty much the plan. (She walks past Eddie, who opens his eyes at that moment.) Giles' apartment. Buffy opens the door while knocking. She enters, closes the door, and walks to the middle of the room. David Bowie is playing in the background. Buffy: Giles? We see an attractive black woman in the kitchen through the opening over the counter. Olivine: Rupert, is this Bleu cheese or is it just cheese that's gone blue? (She reaches the front room and sees Buffy, she appears to be wearing a shirt and nothing else.) You're not Giles. Buffy: Uhm... you know the door was open, so I just... uh, Giles does still live here, right? Olivia: He does. Giles coughs in the background and the music cuts off. Olivia: He appears. (Giles comes out of the hallway. He's wearing a bathrobe.) Rupert, you have a guest. Giles: Buffy! Hello. Buffy: Is this a bad time? Giles: No! Oh, uh, forgive me. This, uh... this is, uh, Olivia. She's, uh, an old friend, she's staying here for a few days. Olivia: Couldn't pass through sunny Cal without looking up ol' Ripper. Buffy: Uh huh. Giles: Buffy's a, uh, was a student of mine. How's, uh, how is university? Buffy: Pretty much the same as high school, in the sense that I need help. Giles: Ahh... help... yes. Buffy: But, this just looks like a bad time. Olivia: No, you guys talk. I'll just go slip into something a little less comfortable. (She and Giles share a look and she leaves the room.) Giles: So, uh, trouble with, uh, studies? Buffy: This is a bad time. Giles: You keep saying that. Buffy: Well it looks pretty bad! I think someone had just a little too much free time on their hands. Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life? Buffy: No! (In a whiny voice.) 'Cause you're very, very old, and it's gross. Giles: Well, before I succumb to the ravages of age, why don't you tell me what brings you here. Buffy: There's this student missing. Giles: Yes? Buffy: Eddie. He's supposed to have left school but... I just don't think he did. I met him outside last night, and then I went back where we met, and it looked there had been a struggle. Giles: And? Buffy: And we need to stop this! And Eddie's RA said kids disappear a lot. There could be a g*ng of vampires working the campus. We need research, an-an-and charts and stuff. Giles: I-I still don't see where I fit in. You haven't described anything that you can't do yourself. Buffy: Ok, remember before you became Hugh Hefner when you used to be a watcher? Giles: Officially you know longer have a watcher. Buffy, you know I'll always be hear when you need me. Y-your safety is more important to me than anything but, you're going to have to take care of yourself. You're out of school and I can't always be there to guide you. Buffy: I'm sorry to bug you. Giles: Buffy, I... Buffy: Oh! No! I mean yeah, you're... you're right. I can handle it. It's just that... I'm on it. Giles: I-I'm here if you need me. (She leaves.) Olivia: (Walking into the room.) She's gone? Giles: Yes. Olivia: So, did you help her? Giles: I'm not sure. Night time, outside. Buffy is walking along and there are students everywhere. Buffy: How am I supposed to hunt in this mob? Don't you people have homes? She sees a young man walking away, he looks over at her and she sees that it's Eddie. Buffy: Eddie? She runs after him. Buffy: Eddie! Eddie, hey, wait up! She catches up with him in a secluded spot next to a bulletin board. Buffy: God I was worried that something had happened to you... He turns around all vamped out. Buffy: ...and of course it has, 'cause you're a vampire. I'm sorry. Eddie: I'm not. He att*cks. She uses his own momentum to keep him off balance and stakes him when he charges again. He disappears into dust. Behind Buffy, Sunday watches from a concrete dais. Sunday: Slayer! (Buffy turns and sees her.) Wow, uhm, I heard you might be coming here. (The other vamps come out of hiding and surround Buffy.) This is, I mean, what a challenge! The slayer! Buffy: And you are? Sunday: I'm... I'm Sunday, I'll be k*lling you here in a minute or so. Buffy: You know that thr*at gets more frightening every time I hear it. SpicoliVamp: Uhh... are we gonna fight? Or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally? FatVamp: I'm in for a piece. Buffy: Everybody gets to play. Sunday: Guys, this is totally mine. SpicoliVamp: Ok, but you gotta share the eatin'. 'Cause I'm thinkin' slayer's blood's gotta be--Whoa!--like Thai Stick. Buffy: I thought people were suppose to get smarter in college? Sunday: Yeah, I think you had a lot of misconceptions about college. Like that anyone would be caught d*ad wearing that. Buffy looks down at her clothes. When she looks up, Sunday punches her. Buffy falls and Sunday tries to kick her, but Buffy blocks it and throws two punches. Sunday ducks one and blocks the other, and lands another punch, sending Buffy sprawling again. When Buffy tries to get up Sunday kicks her in the face. Buffy tries to slug her in the stomach but Sunday grabs her wrist and throws her onto the dais. Buffy tries to h*t back but Sunday grabs her by the throat. Sunday: Don't take this the wrong way, but... (She punches her in the face again.) You fight like a girl. She throws Buffy off the dais and somersaults off. Buffy gets to her feet and kicks her in the midsection. She misses another kick to the head but lands one to Sundays face. She throws a punch but Sunday grabs her arm, swings her around and throws her onto the hood of a pickup truck parked nearby. Buffy tries to up but Sunday jumps onto the hood and kicks her in the back, sending her up onto the roof. Buffy tries a left handed punch but Sunday grabs the wrist, jumps onto the roof and brings her knee up into the arm. There is a cracking sound. She throws Buffy, who bounces off the hood onto the ground. Buffy stands up holding her left arm close to her chest. She looks at the other vamps, who are smiling, and takes off. She falls once onto the grass but gets up and runs away. Sunday hops down from the truck. Sunday: Freshmen! -------------------------------------------------------------------- Buffy's dorm room, night time. Kathy is snoring again. Buffy is sitting on her bed, bruised and tending to her arm. She carefully moves it away from her chest, holding it with her other hand, and grunts in pain. Exterior of a building, day time. Buffy opens the door one handed and exits. She is still bruised. She sees Willow and Oz talking with another student and avoids them. Interior, the vamps lair. Through boarded up windows we see that it's daylight. The vamps are gathered around and laughing. Sunday is sitting on a couch. SpicoliVamp: N-n-n-n-no! The best part was when you ragged on her clothes. She was like, 'No! Not the ensemble!' (All the vamps laugh.) Sunday: Those Jeans? With the little patches? She has no one to blame but herself. FatVamp: I heard they're coming back. Sunday: Not if I k*ll every single person who wears them. FatVamp: I still think you should've let us have a piece, we could've finished here off. Sunday: She's not gonna last the night, she's a done deal. In fact, guys, you're gonna h*t the tunnels. The Summers residence, daylight. Buffy enters through the kitchen door, still favoring her left arm. Buffy: Mom? She goes upstairs and Joyce, coming out into the hallway, sees her. Joyce: Buffy. Buffy: Hi. Joyce: Honey, how are you? (She hugs her and Buffy hugs back, one armed.) Buffy: I'm ok. Joyce: How's college? You've been fighting. Buffy: Oh, uh, they started it. Joyce: Just as long as you're being careful. I-I really didn't think you'd show up here for a while. They walk towards Buffy's room. Buffy: Oh, I didn't have classes today, and everything's just been so hectic I figured it'd be nice to come and crash for... They reach her room and Buffy sees that it's crammed with wooden crates. Joyce: Oh, well yeah. You know, I-I didn't think you'd be back for a couple of weeks. Uh, but I didn't move anything, it's still your room. Buffy: You filled it with packing crates. Joyce: Yeah, but I didn't move anything. Buffy: If it's still my room, shoudn't I still be able to fit in it? Joyce: Well it's just for a couple of weeks while we do inventory at the gallery. I just really didn't think you'd be back so soon. Buffy: Neither did I. Buffy is walking through the kitchen, heading out, when the phone rings. She answers it. Buffy: Hello? Hello? (There's nothing but silence, so she hangs up and leaves.) At the dorm, Buffy finds that all of her things are missing. She walks to the bare bed, picks up a note that's lying there and reads it. 'This is all just too much for me. I have decided to take off. Sorry I didn't have time to say goodbye but I need to be by myself. Good luck this year. Buffy' She sits on her bed holding the note. The Bronze. There's a band on stage playing a slow, sad song. Buffy enters and looks around not seeing anyone she knows. She walks over to a couch and spots a man across the room turned three quarters away from her that looks like Angel. He turns enough so that she can see his face and it isn't him. Xander: The whole world in front of her, and she comes back to this dive. She turns around and sees him. Buffy: Xander! (She gives him a one-armed hug.) Xander: Hey, Buff. Buffy: Oh, when did you get back? Xander: Couple days ago. Buffy: You freak of nature. Why didn't you call me? Xander: Well I knew you guys were starting the whole college adventure and I didn't want to, um, you know... help you move. Buffy: I missed you. How was your trip? Is America nice? I hear it's nice. Xander: There's some purple mountains majesty, I'm gonna have to say. Buffy: What'd you do? What'd you see? Xander: Well... Buffy: Tell me! Xander: 'Grand Canyon!' Buffy: You saw the Grand Canyon! Xander: Well, I saw the movie 'Grand Canyon,' on cable. Really lame. Buffy: Hunh? Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college? Buffy: Male strippers? Xander: No power on this earth! Buffy: Ok. College is good. Xander: Ok, uh, once more with even less feeling. Buffy: No, really! I-I mean, Willow's in heaven and Oz has this really cool house off campus with the band. (They both sit on the couch.) Xander: And you're sitting here alone at the Bronze looking like you just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy. Buffy: It's just... there was this vampire, and she took me down, and I just... I don't know how to stop her. Xander: Then where's the g*ng? Avengers assemble! Let's get it going! Buffy: No, I don't want to bug them. I mean they're just starting school, and they don't need this. Xander: Ok Buff, what's the 'what' here? Buffy: It's just, what if I can't cut it? Xander: Can't cut what? Slaying? Buffy: Slaying, everything. Xander: Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger.' No wait, hold on. 'Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.' Hold on, no, umm, 'First you get the women, then you get the money, then you...' okay, can we forget that? Buffy: Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk, I feel much more abstract now. Xander: The point is, you're Buffy. Buffy: Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy. Xander: And now in college you're Betty Louise? Buffy: Yeah, I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois. Or I might as well be. Xander gets up and crouches down in front of her. Xander: Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club.' Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero. Ok, sometimes when it's dark and I'm all alone I think, 'What is Buffy wearing?' Buffy: Can that be one of those things you never, ever, tell me about? Xander: It's a deal. (He stands up.) Let's put this bitch in the ground! What do you say? She holds out her right hand and he helps her up. Buffy: I think I say thank you. Xander: And nothing says thank you like dollars in the waistband. Ok, what do we do first? Interior. Some type of office with a computer and file cabinets. The glass in the door is broken, Buffy's at the counter working the computer and Xander is examining newspapers at a desk. Buffy: Kids disappearing every year. Not too many, just enough so that everyone thinks they up and left. Xander: I can't believe the vampires took your stuff. m*rder I expect, but petty larceny seems so... petty. Buffy: They have to be keeping it somewhere, on campus or at least near by. Xander: Hey, how far back do the disappearances go? Buffy types at the keyboard, we see she's still not using her left arm. Buffy: Uhh... they weren't too common before '82. Xander: Match number! Check this out. (He carries two newspapers over to the counter, and Buffy picks one up and reads it aloud.) Buffy: 'Psi Theta loses it's charter. Building to be closed for renovation.' Xander: 1982. Look at this. (He reads from the other paper.) 'Former Psi Theta fraternity house lies dormant while zoning issues drag on before the city council.' We have a winner. Buffy: Looks pretty cherry. Xander: You up for a little reconnaissance? Buffy: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff? Xander: No, that was the renaissance. Buffy: Oh. I've had a really long week. Let's go look at the house. Nighttime. Exterior of a building with signs posted reading 'This Property Closed to the Public' and 'Keep Out.' Buffy and Xander arrive. Up on the roof, Buffy clears some debris from the skylight she is laying on. The vamps can be seen inside going through Buffy's things. Xander works his way to the skylight. Buffy: Score! Sunday is holding a skirt up to herself and mockingly shaking her hips. Sunday: (In a mocking voice.) Look how tough I am. Buffy: Oh! That's my skirt! You're never going to fit in it with those hips! We have to k*ll them! Xander: We need w*apon. Buffy: I don't see my w*apon trunk down there. It was right by my bed. Mr. Gordo? (Her voice turns to steele.) Go to my room. If it's not there try Willow's. I'll keep an eye... my diary?!? SpicoliVamp: Uh-oh, score! Xander: I'll hurry! (He works his way back from the skylight.) Buffy: Laugh all you want, this time we play it my way. And the rules are just going to be a little bit... (The skylight gives way and Buffy falls into the room.) Buffy: (Hitting the floor.) Unh! (The vamps all stop what they're doing and look at her.) Ahh. Ah. (She looks up at the vamps.) Oh. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunday: Say, don't I know you from... beating the crap out of you? Buffy: (Standing up.) I just thought I'd drop in. Get it? Drop in? Boy, tough room. Sunday: I must say, you've really got me now. I mean, it's a diabolical plan, throw yourself at my feet with a broken arm and no w*apon of any kind. How'm I going to get out of this one? Buffy: You got a nice set-up here, but you made one mistake. Sunday: Yeah? What was that? Buffy: Well, I'm not actually positive, but statistically speaking people usually make at least... (Sunday punches her.) Kathy, Oz and Willow are in Buffy's and Kathy's dorm room. Kathy: It seems kind of weird. (She hands the note to Oz.) Oz: Yeah, weird's a pretty good word for it. Willow: Buffy wouldn't just take off, th-that's just not in her nature. Except for that one time she disappeared for several months and changed he name, but there were circumstances then. There's no circumstances. Kathy: Does Buffy have a history of emotional problems? 'Cause on my request form I was pretty specific about a s*ab non-smoker. Oz: I don't think this is her handwriting. Willow: I bet there were circumstances! We've probably been so wrapped up in our own petty lives that... that we totally missed the circumstances. We're bad friends! Oz: Let's think this through. Willow: How can you be so calm? Oz: Long, arduous hours of practice. Now either Buffy took off, or she was robbed, or... Xander: It's a prank! Willow: Xander! Xander walks into the room with arms spread wide. Xander: How are my guys? (He hugs Willow, then hugs Kathy.) I don't know you, do I? Kathy: No. Xander: This is very intrusive, isn't it? Kathy: Little bit. (Xander let's her go.) Xander: Xander. Kathy: Kathy. Xander: (Looks at Oz.) Do we hug? Oz: I think we're too manly. Willow: What's the prank? Xander: Prank? Oh, the room. Well some friends of Buffy's played a funny joke, and they took her stuff. And now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans. Willow: Oh! Those friends! Oz: Funny guys. Xander looks around the bed. Xander: They took the chest. Well, let's go! Let's go to our friend. It's nice meeting you Kathy. Xander, Oz and Willow leave. Kathy: You too! Outside in the hall. Xander: Let's go to Will's, get supplies. Willow: Is Buffy in danger? Xander: She's in a holding pattern, we've got some time. Vamps lair. Buffy falls as she gets h*t again. On the floor, she looks over and sees her trunk. She starts to crawl toward it. Sunday steps in front of her holding Buffy's 'Class Protector' award. Sunday: Oh, and this. This is my favorite item. Buffy: You don't want to touch that. Sunday drops it on the floor and stomps down on the handle, breaking it. She moves over to Buffy and grabs her left arm. Sunday: You know this arm's not looking so good. It might have to come off. Buffy: You want to know the truth? I only need one. She hits Sunday with a roundhouse punch with her right fist, sending her spinning. She rolls to her feet and kicks Sunday in the face and flips her over the couch onto the coffee table. She catches some broken wood from the coffee table with her foot and kicks Sunday in the face with it. Sunday falls into a pile of clutter. SpicoliVamp: This is startin' to suck. Sunday gets up all vamped out. FatVamp runs in to help. Buffy grabs a tennis racket, steps onto the arm of a chair and roundhouse kicks Sunday and does a backhand swing with the racket into FatVamp's face, sending her flying over the couch and braking the frame off the racket making a perfect stake. Sunday moves in for some close-in fighting. A vamp (no doubt frightened by the sight of a vampire slayer with a stake) decides it's time to leave and moves toward the door, which opens with Xander in the lead and Oz behind him brandishing a cross in the vamp's face. They force the vamp back. SpicoliVamp sees Willow struggling with a crossbow and rushes her. Willow gets the crossbow up just in time and sh**t the bolt through SpicoliVamp's heart. SpicoliVamp turns to dust, but before he's gone he says one last thing. SpicoliVamp: Woah! Sunday is lying on the floor with Buffy standing above her. Buffy: When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust, (FatVamp decides it's a good time to leave and runs out.) I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff. Sunday gets to her feet and rushes Buffy, who swings one-armed at her which Sunday blocks, eventually catching the arm in a hold. Sunday: What about breaking your arm, (She grabs at Buffy's left arm) how'd that feel. Buffy: Let me answer that with a head butt. (She does and sends Sunday staggering.) Xander faces off with a vamp. Oz, behind the vamp, hits him on the head with a cross, then ducks down. When the vamp turns, Xander pushes him over Oz who straightens up and flips the vamp onto his back. Xander moves in for the k*ll and stakes him. He turns to dust. Buffy: And for the record, (Buffy makes a fist with her left hand.) the arm is hurt, (She uppercuts Sunday, sending her flying.) not broken. Another vamp, wearing a black tee shirt with a skull on it, takes off. Besides Sunday, there are no more vamps left in the house. The g*ng comes up behind Buffy. Oz: Hey, Buff. Need a hand? Buffy: (Brandishing a stake with a twirl.) No thanks, (She twists around throwing the stake into Sunday's heart.) I'm good. Sunday shakes her head and puts her hands on her hips as she turns to dust. Buffy goes over and retrieves her 'Class Protector' award. The g*ng leaves the house carrying Buffy's stuff in boxes, Xander carrying her trunk. Xander: So, all that other stuff in there? That's just gonna sit in there, right? Uh, I mean, no one owns it in the strictest sense. Oz: It seems wrong, somehow. Xander: Dibs on the rowing machine. Giles: Buffy! Giles runs up carrying a crossbow in one hand and in his other he has a cross and a battle axe. Willow: Hi, Giles. Xander: What's with the arsenal? Giles: I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. To hell with what's right, I'm ready to back you up. Let's find the evil a-and fight it together. Buffy: Great! Thanks! We'll get right on that. They step around him and continue on their way. Giles: The evil is this way? (He follows.) Buffy: My room is. Willow: Hey Giles, could you get this box on top? (He does.) Xander: So, college not so scary after all, hunh? Buffy: It's turning out to be a lot like high school, which I can handle. At least I know what to expect. Elsewhere. The vamp with the skull on his tee shirt is sneaking from tree to tree. He starts across a clear spot when he hears something and turns. Two darts from a tazer h*t the skull design right above the eye sockets. The vamp convulses and goes down, but still conscious. From cover, three figures in camouflage clothing and masked faces step forward. One has a coil of rope, another has a p*stol and the third has a r*fle. They advance on the vamp. [Ending credits]

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x01 - The Freshman"}

foreverdreaming

This transcript should be considered as copylefted... that is, you can do anything with this transcript you want as long as it doesn't interfere with others right's to do anything with it that they might want, also. You can modify it, but if you want to use any part of this transcript, your modifications should be copylefted also. Explicit license is hereby given for anyone to archive this transcript whenever and wherever they may wish. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy and Kathy are in their dorm room. Kathy has an ironing board out and is ironing jeans, Buffy is reading a CD jewel case. Cher's 'Believe' is playing on Kathy's portable stereo. Buffy: Wow, this music is so... so... Kathy: I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it? Buffy: You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you playit. Buffy gets a jacket from her closet. Kathy: Going out? Buffy: Yeah. I'm seriously caffeine deprived. Figure I'd head down to The Grotto and get a jolt and, you know, do some studying. Kathy: Oh. It's late... won't you be up all night? Buffy: (Picking up her backpack.) Oh, yeah, but it's cool. I'm sort of an 'up' kind of night person. I mentioned that right? Kathy: I guess I just didn't realize you'd be coming and going at all hours. Well, not that I mind. I'm just surprised. Buffy: I'll be quiet as a mouse, I promise. Ok. (She starts toward the door.) Kathy: Oh! Say, Buffy. I wanted to show you this little system I implemented. (She goes over to the nightstand separating the beds and gets a small notepad and a pen, bringing them back.) Buffy: Oh, goody... system. Kathy: Just log every call you make in here and that way when the bill comes it won't be a problem. I figure, 'Stitch in time...' Buffy: '...catches the worm.' Kathy cheerfully makes a 'You got it' gesture. Buffy: You bet. Ok, then. (Turns and starts to go.) Kathy: Also... (Buffy stops and turns back.) I noticed that some of my milk was missing. Did you... Buffy: Oh! Yeah, actually, I did. I meant to... Kathy: No! It's totally ok, I was just wondering. Buffy: Yeah, I-I-I was making my coffee and I just... Kathy: Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure... The song ends and Kathy goes over to the stereo to restart it. She comes back. Kathy: ...that we didn't have a thief or something. Buffy: Like who? Sid the Wiley Dairy Gnome? Kathy: I don't know, it's no big deal. Please, feel free. Buffy: Ok, I'm really sorry. I have to... (She starts to go, again.) Kathy: Have a good time. Buffy: Yeah, you too. With ironing. (She leaves.) Buffy and Willow are walking along a wooded path at night, there are trees and bushes all over. Willow: So you had trouble getting past Kathy? Buffy: Yep. She made big with the questions. Willow: And you thought your days of sneaking out of your room were over. Buffy: No such luck. Kathy's nice and all, but she's... she's sort of... I don't know, like, 'mini-mom of Momdonia.' (Willow chuckles) Wait. (Buffy stops, looking around.) Did you just hear something? Willow: I'm chewing my gum kinda loud. Buffy: That's not it. Willow: My sneakers are squeaky. Buffy: I'm looking for something lurky here, Will. Willow: Oh. (Pauses to listen) Sorry, no. They start walking again. Buffy: Darn, I could use a little play tonight. Listening to the best of VH-1 all day sort of put me on edge. Willow: Oh, Kathy's still spinnin' the divas? Buffy: (In a perky-Kathy voice.) "'Cause it's the fun-est!" Well, no big. College is a time of change, right? I bet, before too long, she'll be trip-hoppin' all over the place. Willow: Yeah! I mean, this whole dorm thing is just an adjustment we need to make. You know? I mean, my roomie is kind of challengingtoo. Buffy: And what are we if not women up to a challenge? Willow: Exactly! I mean, did we not put the 'grr' in girl? Well, here's where I get off. (They stop at a branching path.) Buffy: Say 'hey' to Oz for me. Willow: Happy hunting. Buffy: Wish me monsters. Willow makes a 'ick' gesture and walks away. Buffy walks on, not noticing a hooded, orange skinned demon with green glowing eyes watching her from the bushes. [Opening credits] Buffy, walking along a path hears a noise. Buffy: Will? (Pause.) Alright, why don't you quit hiding and come out and face me like a... thing. Kathy comes running up with a bounce in her step. Kathy: Hey, I caught you. Buffy: Is everything ok? Kathy: Oh, everything's super. I just decided a decaf latte sounded like heaven after all. Buffy: So you're coming along. Kathy: Why not? This way you won't have to walk these spooky paths alone. (She goes on ahead with a skip.) Buffy: Great! (In a low voice) That's just great. (And she follows.) Kathy: This is neat, isn't it? The fresh air, the trees, the smell of... (Buffy hears the growl of something rushing them and pushes Kathy into the bushes where she lands in the dirt.) The same demon we saw before runs up and swings a club, Buffy grabs it's arm, breaks it's hold on the club and throws it off balance onto the ground. It gets up and takes two swings, but Buffy blocks them and gives it three quick rights to the face. Kathy, in the bushes, gets to her knees looking dazed. The demon tries a roundhouse punch which Buffy ducks under. She sweeps the demon's legs out from under him and he rolls over his club, grabbing it. Rolling to his feet he runs off. Kathy climbs out of the bushes and Buffy goes to help her. Kathy: What the blizzard was that all about? Buffy: Uh, he um... tried to take my backpack. Kathy: What were you thinking, taking him on like that? Buffy: Oh I, heh, I don't know, I guess I-I panicked. Kathy: I mean, it's just you could of gotten hurt or something. (She looks down.) And look at my sweater, it's ruined! Buffy: Yeah, sorry about that. Here, w-we'll go get you cleaned up. They walk back the way they came. In the bushes, a demon watches them go. Another demon comes up beside him. They speak in subtitles, a strangely visual demon language. Demon1: She may be the one. Demon2: We have to be sure. Follow her. Demon1: As you wish. Daytime in the courtyard outside Giles' apartment. There's a fountain, a table and chairs. Buffy is going through his mail. Buffy: Boring... boring... bill... bill... Giles comes running down the stairs wearing exercise clothes complete with sneakers. He's panting. Giles: Hello. (Pant) Buffy: You run? Giles: And jump. And bend. (Pant) And, occasionally, frolic.(Pant) Buffy: Ok, and, uh, (She holds up a magazine.) what's with the motorbike and scooter magazine? Giles: Congratulations, you've found me out. I'm a mod jogger. Buffy: Ok, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going 'ick' from the last time you tried to recapture your youth. Giles: Buffy! Buffy: Sorry. (She sits down at a table.) Demon. Last night. Made with the pummeling, but he got away. Giles: What sort of demon? (Giles crosses to the fountain and sits on it's outer ledge.) Buffy: Umm, had a cloak on, and glowing green eyes, and skin had a, like, super-bad fake rub-on tan. Giles: Translate? Buffy: Orange-y? Giles: Thank you. Anything else? Buffy: My roommate Kathy was there, but she didn't see anything. Giles: You took your roommate patrolling with you? Buffy: Well I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it. (The look on Giles' face tells Buffy that he didn't get the sarcasm.) I told her I was going for coffee and she decided to tag along. Giles: Right. Well we should discourage her from that habit. From what you described I-I'm not familiar with the creature, but I-I'll look into it and give you a ring when I've found something. (He gets up and starts moving toward his apartment.) Buffy: You know, it's nice out here. Giles: (Turning back.) Yes, I take my tea out here sometimes. (He starts to go again.) Buffy: What are you doing today? Giles: (He turns back again.) Uh, it's a good day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired a-uh an original Gutenberg demonography... and it suddenly occurred to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, which leads me to inquire whether you're feeling entirely yourself. Buffy: That's not true. I ask about you all the time. (He gives her a look.) Ok, well, maybe the words don't actually make it out of my mouth, but I think about it. Giles: And it's appreciated. Which doesn't explain why you're hanging around here instead of rushing off as usual. Buffy: It's no big. I just figured I'd hang here--you know—until my roommate goes to class. Giles: Ah, I see. (He sits back down on the fountain.) Buffy: I know, it's probably just me having a bitch att*ck. But it's not... me. Giles: Buffy, living with somebody is never easy. Especially for an only child... Buffy: Giles, listen to me, ok? When she sharpens her pencils she measures them with a ruler to make sure they're all the same size. Giles: Which is fussy, I agree, but everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them. Buffy: Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats? Giles: Something like that. Buffy: Ok. You know what? You're right. (She stands up.) Take a mental pic, this is the new Buffy. Kinder, gentler... roommate extraordinaire. In the dorm room, Kathy is trying, without much luck, to get the stain out of her sweater. She looks down and sees that one corner of a throw rug is turned up and leans down to straighten it. She gives up on the sweater and looks over at Buffy's closet door. She gets up, walks over, unlatches the bolt holding it closed and opens the door. She picks out a sweater and while looking at it notices a satchel with part of a crossbow sticking out. She opens the satchel and takes out a really cool looking p*stol grip crossbow and a wooden cross. She pauses for a moment, holding them, then puts them back. At the university dining hall called the Rocket Cafe, Buffy gets a tray and starts back to the end of the line. She notices Kathy and quickly brings the tray up to hide her face. She ducks into the line in front of a male student. The young man takes a quick peek behind him and turns back to Buffy. Parker: Ex-boyfriend? Or loan shark? Buffy: (Turns around to face him.) Excuse me? Parker: The person you're hiding from. Buffy: Oh... both. Ugly breakup. I'm sorry, I just cut you... Parker: No, stay... stay. I'll watch your back. (They get to the self-serve area and start getting their food.) Freshman, huh? Buffy: Is it that obvious? Parker: There are signs. (He gets a single-serving box of cereal and stuffs it into the breast pocket of his shirt.) For instance, people who've been around for awhile know how to use their dining hall card. Buffy: It's not for food? Parker: Work it right and you can get three meals worth, which equals fewer punch cards used annually. Buffy: And more cash from dad which you get to keep for yourself. Parker: Right! The goal is to polish off as much as humanly possible at one sitting. Enough to get you through the rest of the day, if necessary. While chipmunking items for future consumption. Buffy: Ahh, got it. Parker: Excess dry goods fit nicely in a backpack or your pocket. (He takes something and puts it into his pants pocket.) The wetter items--macaronies, your turkey loaf--then you're into ziplocks. It's not for beginners. Buffy: I'll just take it slow. They reach the cashier and hand over their cards for punching. Buffy looks over and sees Willow, Xander and Oz seated at a table, Willow sees her and waves for her to come over. Parker: So. Buffy: So, those are my... (He sees the g*ng at the table.) are you... Parker: Oh, no, I have someone waiting. Otherwise I'd... heh, uh, Parker Abrams. (He offers his hand which Buffy shakes.) I'm at Kresge hall. Buffy: Buffy Summers, Stevenson. Parker: Ok, well, I'll see you around Buffy Summers of Stevenson. Buffy: See ya, Parker Abrams. Buffy goes over to the g*ng's table and sits. Xander: Hey, say hi to non-college guy. Buffy: Not that I mind, but don't non-college guys usually populate the non-campus? Xander: Usually. I just thought I'd come around and check on my girls. (He taps Oz to include him without insult.) Willow: And eat off my plate. Buffy: What's the deal Xand, parents not feeding you? Xander: Sure they do, for a price. Willow: So, spill! (She indicates Parker, seated across the room.) What was that all about, with the cutie patootie? Buffy: I don't know... nothing big, I think. Just random adorableness. Xander: Oh, a technique I know well. h*t the girl with your best sh*t, then hasta. Oz: Gotta respect the drive-by. Xander: Low rejection, fond memories. Willow: It looked like more than that to me. He got all googly-eyed. Xander: That's because he got h*t by the Buffinator. Now he's powerless. Buffy: You think? Oz: No question, he'll be back. (Buffy smiles.) Xander: So, what else is up with the Buff, any vamp action? Buffy: I did get jumped by a demon of non-specific origin last night. Xander: Yeah? Something apocalypse-y? Do we need to assemble the scooby g*ng? Buffy: (Holding back a laugh.) No, but thank you for asking. Xander: I just got way too excited, didn't I? Buffy: You just need to get out of the basement a little more there, Xand. Kathy comes up and sets her tray on the table. Kathy: Hi, everybody. (She gets a chair from another table and moves it over.) Squeeze in. Buffy: You all know my roomie, Kathy? Willow: Hi. Oz: Hey, Kath. Buffy: Is that my sweater? Kathy: I didn't think you'd mind, I mean you got mine all muddy. Buffy: I was saving you from a... Willow: Bear! Buffy: (Giving Willow a look.) Mugger. Kathy: It's not a problem, is it? I mean, I figured we're almost like sisters now, living together and everything. Buffy: No, it's... it's fine. I just wished you'd asked. Xander: So, where're you from, Kathy? Kathy: Nebraska, originally. (She picks up a big, sloppy hamburger from her tray.) Xander: Ahh, yes. Big sky country. Kathy bites into her sandwich. Buffy's senses intensify, focusing in on a blob of ketchup oozing out of the hamburger. She watches it as it drops onto her sweater. Buffy's eyes narrow. That night in the dorm, Buffy is talking to Willow on the phone. The window at the head of her bed is open. Buffy: I mean, can you believe her? First she acts like she has sit privileges at my lunch table just because some computer had to make us cellmates. (She puts a stick of gum in her mouth.) Willow: I'm sure it's not easy for her. She's not like you, she doesn't know anybody here. Buffy: Fine. But what about my sweater. You can't believe the stuff that I have to put up with. Willow's dorm room. There's a loud party going on. Willows on her bed with the phone. Willow: Yeah, I guess it's hard... uh... but I'm sure the sweater thing was an accident. (A nerf football hits her in the head.) Buffy: I don't know Will... I think she's just coming back from the bathroom. I'll call you back. Kathy: (Coming into the room.) Don't forget to log those calls. (She sits on her bed and starts flossing her teeth.) Buffy takes an apple out of her backpack and takes it over to the mini-refrigerator. While she's up, Kathy gets up and closes the window. Buffy opens the fridge and sees that Kathy has almost completely filled it, labeling everything with her name. Even writing 'Kathy' on each of a dozen boiled eggs. Buffy squeezes the apple into the last remaining space on the door, closes it and turns around to see the window is now closed. She goes over and opens it again and sits back down on her bed. Kathy finishes flossing and picks up a paperback book from the nightstand. There is gum stuck to it and it stretches up from the table. Kathy: Ewww! Who left their gum here? Buffy: (Pause.) Gum gnome? Kathy: It wasn't me! It had to be somebody, Buffy! Buffy: (Swallows the gum she had been chewing.) I don't know. Kathy slams the book down and turns off the light near her bed. Buffy turns off her own light, lays down pulling the covers over her and falls asleep. She dreams of a demon very much like the one she fought, holding her down, poring blood in her mouth, putting a scorpion on her bare skin and drawing a light, gossamer substance out of Buffy's mouth and into it's own. She awakes with a start. Kathy is looking at her from her own bed. Kathy: Do you always make that noise when you sleep? ------------------------------------------------------------------ Daytime and Buffy, Giles, Willow and Oz are seated in comfortable, padded chairs in an open area lounge. Buffy: So then after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. A-and the worst part? I wake up and there's Kathy, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak. Oz: Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon poring the blood down your throat. Willow: Me too, I would vote for that too. Buffy: But that's just a dream, and this Kathy thing is real. All she cared about was that her precious sleep had been disturbed. Kathy comes up behind Giles. Giles: Perhaps it would be more productive to examine your dreams, um, determine there meaning. Kathy: You can read dreams? Neat. Buffy: Giles, Kathy. Kathy, Giles. Willow: He's our grown-up friend. N-not in a creepy way. Giles: Nice to meet you, Kathy. Kathy: Ditto. Maybe you could read the dream I had last night? There was, like, this monster, and he sat on me and did all this stuff to me. Oz: Stuff like, scorpions? And Bloody Mary minus the Mary? Kathy: That's it! How'd you know? Oz: Well, I'm a good guesser. Buffy: Me too, and I'm guessing that you need to be on your way to class. Right, Kath? Kathy: Hmm hmm, sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Buffy: Hmm hmm, and guess what? You were next to it. Kathy: You know, I do need to dash. My whole schedule is off because someone kept me up all night. Well, it's been fun. Toodles. (She turns and leaves.) Buffy: Toodles. Giles: (Clears his throat.) You know what this means... Buffy: Yes. Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch... Oh, I haven't even gotten to the floss. Giles: Buffy, focus, please? If Kathy and you are having the same nightmares, chances are something happened to you both when you met the demon in the woods. Willow: So we need to figure out if this ritual their dreaming about has some special use, or meaning. Buffy: (Getting up and gathering her things.) Cool, you guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class. Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing. Buffy: Not when you're minoring in 'Napping 101.' (She leaves.) Willow: Ok, so that was the evil twin, right? 'Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque. Oz: Well, she's definitely pushing the stress meter on this Kathy thing. Giles: I concur she's not, uh, herself, but, you know, uh, learning to live with someone can be a challenge. Willow: A-and she hasn't been sleeping. Giles: Right, then. (He stands.) Nothing to get to concerned about. Still, let me know if she, um... Oz: Hits the red zone? Giles: Yes. Nighttime, in a secluded wooded area Demon2 has a campfire burning. Demon1 walks up. They still speak in subtitles. Demon1: We were correct. She is the one. Demon2: Good. I have prepared for the summoning of the great one, Taparrich. They remove their hoods revealing bald heads, face the f*re and begin chanting. Buffy, returning to the dorm room, stops at the door for a second when she hears Cher's 'Believe' playing again. She goes in and sees Parker half lying on Kathy's bed with Kathy sitting with him, they're talking. Parker: Lots of popular artists don't get their dues. Madonna? Whitney? Kathy: That's so totally true. Buffy: Parker? Parker: (Getting up and going over to her.) Hey, uh, I just dropped by to say... that. Uh, and bring you... (He hands her a box of plastic baggies.) You know, to maximize your dining hall exports. They're heavy duty. Buffy: (Reading the box.) Plus freezer guard! That's so... Kathy gets up and stands close to Parker, looking at him while she talks to Buffy. Kathy: Parker was just going to leave his number and go, but (laughs) we started talking. He's such a blast, and time just flew. Buffy: Time, really? How much time? Parker: Uh, I'm not sure, we sort of got caught up talking Red Wings. It turns out that Kathy's a closet hockey fan. I think it's the v*olence. Kathy: (Laughs) Quit it! I told you that was just between us. Parker: It could be the sweaty men. (Kathy laughs and pushes him.) Buffy: If you two are going to rassle, do you mind taking it outside? I've got a lot of work to do. (She puts her things down on her bed and turns off the music.) Parker: Sorry, I didn't realize. (He starts to leave.) Buffy: Oh, Parker wait. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... Parker: No, it's totally cool. I should go anyway. Buffy: Well, it was great of you to stop by, m-maybe we could do it another time? Parker: Another time for sure. Bye, Kathy. (He gives her a wave.) Kathy: (Waving back.) Bye, seeya. Buffy sees him out, closes the door and turns to face Kathy. Kathy: It wouldn't have k*lled you to be nice, you know. Buffy: (Crossing over to her bed, she retrieves something from her bag.) Looked like you were being nice enough for the both of us. Kathy: (Closing the window.) I wasn't moving in on your territory, if that's what you mean. Buffy: (Locking the bolt on her closet with a padlock.) Right. Just like you didn't destroy my sweater. Kathy is flossing again. Buffy opens the window. Kathy: I'm cold. Buffy: Well I'm hot. Deal with it. Kathy: Do you know what your problem is, Buffy. Buffy: You? Kathy: Hardly. Your problem is you're spoiled. Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it's share time now. Buffy: Share time, huh? Fine! I'll show you share time. She goes to the fridge and gets out the carton of milk, and drinks it straight from the carton, spilling it all over herself and the floor. Willows dorm building, She and Oz walk along a hall. Oz: You're worried about her. Willow: Yeah, both of them. I mean, what kind of demon runs around putting ookie blood dreams into people's heads. Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It's not right. Oz: Well, I'm against it. Willow: And Buffy's completely being not herself. If it wasn't for this English paper I'd be there right now. Um, listening. Doing the girly best friend thing. They stop at the door to her room. Oz: Well, I can do that. Willow: You can? Oz: Well, I'm not saying we'll braid each others hair--probably—but I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge. Willow: You're the best. Oh, she's probably patrolling by now. Check around the science center. If you need me I'll be (She opens the door, hears the sounds of a loud party and closes it again.) at the library. (She goes back the way they came.) Oz walks along a well lighted walkway. He passes a group of three people, two men and a young woman. He senses something, he looks back and sees that the woman is looking back at him. They look at each other for a few seconds before they both turn back. In the bushes, we see three figures in camouflage carrying w*apon. They appear to be following the group that Oz just passed. Oz is walking with Buffy along a path. Buffy: ...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!' (She punches at the air.) Oz: So, either you h*t her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her. Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think? Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy. Buffy: Hmm, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box and blown away by an imaginary wind and... and... Oz: Forced to wear a binding unitard? Buffy: Yeah, the itchy kind, it's perfect. Oz: Just here to help. Buffy: Which I appreciate. But you've never come on routine patrol with me before, Oz. So, what's the deal? Oz: Seemed more interesting than homework. Buffy: As long as it's an elective. I can handle myself alone, you know. Oz: Not in question. Buffy: Good. So then, I go into the refrigerator--right?--and the label queen has managed to put... Oz: Just a, just a thought, Buffy, but do you think all this ranting is scaring away potential demons? (They stop.) Buffy: You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer. (She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.) She's... other really bad things. Oz: On the plus side you've k*lled the bench, which was looking shifty. Buffy: This isn't funny, Oz. Something has to be done. (She walks away looking determined.) Oz: (Pause) Agreed. (And he follows her.) Back in her dorm room, Buffy is at her desk, studying. She looks over at Kathy, who is on her bed clipping her toenails. Her senses intensify and she hears every nail being clipped as a loud 'clank' and focuses on every clipping, in slow motion, flying through the air and onto the floor. She starts tapping her pencil on her open book. Kathy looks over and her senses intensify. She hears every tap as a loud 'boom.' She gets up, goes over to her stereo and starts playing Cher's 'Believe' again. Buffy taps harder until she breaks the pencil. She puts on earmuffs and it cuts the volume of the music down... a little. Kathy goes to the fridge and gets out a boiled egg. She takes it to her desk and starts rolling it on the desktop to break the shell. Buffy's senses intensify and she focuses in on the shell, with 'Kathy' written on it, cracking. She watches Kathy peel the broken shell from the egg. She takes off the earmuffs and throws them onto the desk. Buffy: I'm going to bed. (She gets in her bed, turns out the light and closes her eyes.) Buffy dreams of the demon again. This time it's painting symbols on her belly before drawing the light, gossamer substance out of her mouth and into it's own. There's a sh*t of the scorpion on her bare skin again, and she awakens to daylight with a start. Over in her own bed, Kathy moans and opens her eyes suddenly. Kathy: Oh, jeez. Later that day, Kathy is talking to Willow in a hallway. Kathy: I do what I can, but Buffy's difficult. She's secretive, for one thing, she comes in at all hours of the night, she leaves her gum all over the place. Willow: I-it sounds like things are rough, but don't you want to be talking to Buffy about this? Buffy enters the hallway at one end and sees Kathy and Willow. She stops. Kathy: I would, but she is so touchy about all kinds of weird stuff. I mean sometimes I get the feeling that she is not quite normal. You know? (Buffy stare intently at them.) Willow: Well, normal is relative. Right? They both look over and see Buffy. Kathy: Later, ok? (She leaves.) Buffy comes up beside Willow and turns suddenly. Buffy: (Accusingly.) Why were you talking to her? Willow: Buffy, come on, we were only just saying hi. Kathy: Yeah, that's what she wants you to think. Willow: Buffy, this has to stop. I mean I-I get it, I have a sucky roomie, too. But you just have to deal. Buffy: You're right, I've been thinking a lot about this and it's clear to me now. Willow: Good, that's better. Buffy: Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple... I'm gonna have to k*ll her. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Willow: You have to k*ll her? Don't you think you could just switch rooms, or something? Buffy: Well I would, but it's not just me in danger from Kathy. Look. (She opens the bottom pocket of her bag and takes out a plastic baggie containing toenail clippings.) Willow: Toenails? Buffy: Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep. Willow: Good thinking, 'cause in the middle of the night those toenails could have att*cked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body. Buffy: Don't be ridiculous. The point is I measured them before I fell asleep and again this morning, and they grew. After they were cut! That's a demon thing, she has to be eliminated. Willow: Of course. I-it makes sense, now. But you better show those bad puppies to Giles before you do anything just to be sure. Buffy: Absolutely. I don't want to do anything crazy. Willow: Uh, you hurry on to Giles. I'll hang here and-and keep an eye on Kathy. Buffy: Great. Good. Thanks, Will. (She leaves.) Willow goes to a nearby payphone and punches in a number. Willow: Giles, I-I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, n-not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come to you. Kay? Buffy opens the door to Giles' apartment. No one is there. She walks into the room calling. Buffy: Giles? Anybody home? Hello? A net falls onto her from above. Xander and Oz come running out of the hallway, Giles from another direction. They jump on her, forcing her arms behind her back where Xander loops a ready made slip knot over her wrists. Buffy: What are you guys doing? This is... this is ridiculous. Xander: Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you. Buffy: Not yet, but it will. Xander: Don't say that. (He stops, realizing what she'd just said.) Oh, PLEASE don't say that. Giles: We're doing this to stop you from making a terrible mistake. They remove the net and move her over to a wooden bench with a backto it. Giles: Clearly something is amiss. Xander ties the other end of the rope to the back of the bench. Buffy: Yeah, something's amiss here, a 'Miss Kathy Newman.' Giles, ow, Giles look in my bag. (He goes and picks up the bag.) Look in the bottom pocket of my bag. (He opens the pocket.) She has parts that can grow after they're detached. (He takes out the baggie.) She irons her jeans. She's evil. She has to be destroyed. Giles: (Holding up the baggie.) I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her. Buffy: Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs. Xander: (To Giles) You think? Giles: Um, you stay and watch her. I-I know a spell that will make the possessing demon reveal itself so that we can fight it, but I-I need to get some supplies from the magic shop. Buffy, I... See you around. He leaves, taking the baggie. At the dorm room, there's an insistent knock at the door. Kathy opens it to reveal Willow. Willow: Can I come in? Kathy: Sure. (She lets her in, closing the door.) Where's Buffy? Willow: I don't know, exactly. But I've been thinking, it might be a good idea for you and Buffy to give each other some apart time. In fact, you might want to be, uh, apart before she gets back. Kathy: What do you mean? I should leave the room? Why should I go? Willow: I-it's not fair, I know. Kathy: You bet it's not fair, having to live with someone who's obviously troubled. Someone who so clearly needs to be in a home, not in a dorm. Willow: I don't know about that. Uh, Buffy's going through something, yes, but... Kathy: I wouldn't put it past her to drop out, or take off or something. Do something horrible to herself. Willow: Herself? Kathy: Or worse. She's capable of it, you know? You can see it in those shifty little eyes of hers. One of these days she might even push somebody too far. The phone rings and Kathy answers it. Kathy: Hello? (She holds out the handset.) It's Oz. (Willow takes it.) Willow: Hi. You did? She's at Giles, uh, ok. (She hangs up, and starts edging back toward the door.) You know, during that really short phone call I realized you are so right. I mean, it's not fair to make you leave your own room. So, you're good. You just stay, right there. Kay? (She bolts from the room.) Oz and Xander are watching Buffy in Giles' apartment. Buffy: I can't believe this, after all that we've been through together and you guys won't believe me when I tell you that Kathy is bad. Xander: We want to, Buff, it's just... Oz: Shh, don't engage. She starts struggling against the ropes. Xander: I don't know if I tightened those ropes enough. Oz: Then we'd better go over there and check 'em. Xander: (Laughs until he sees that Oz was serious.) Oh, dear god! Xander: Avoid the legs. (The start forward.) Avoid the legs. They lean over her and she brings up her arms, grabs them and knocks their heads together. They both fall to the floor, unconscious. She tosses the rope onto Xander's body. Buffy: Nope, not tight enough. The dorm room. Buffy comes through the door and closes it. Buffy: Kathy. Kathy's lying on her bed reading her paperback. Kathy: Buffy. Buffy: I think we need to talk, don't you? Kathy gets up and walks over to her. Kathy: Absolutely. Let's talk. Buffy kicks up a corner of the throw rug. Buffy: Oops, look what I did. Kathy backhands Buffy across the face. Kathy: Huh, look what I did. They grab each others heads and start struggling. Kathy's human face comes off in Buffy's hands, revealing her to be a green eyed, orange skinned demon. Buffy: I knew it! Kathy rushes her, throwing her back. ------------------------------------------------------------------- The two demons in the woods are still chanting over the campfire. Suddenly, the ground opens up with a spray of dirt and Taparrich emerges. He is much taller than the other two and wears a different style of robe. He talks in subtitles. Taparrich: Where is she? In the dorm room, Kathy forces Buffy down, straddling her with a hand around her throat. Kathy: Quit it! Buffy: I knew it! I knew you were one of those demon things. Kathy: Oh why don't you just stuff it and let me finish my ritual. Buffy: Ritual? Giles: (In the magic shop, in what looks like a study, reading from an old book.) 'The ritual of Mok'tagar, a race of trans-dimensional demons, involves the forced ingestion of animal blood while the victim slumbers.' Buffy's nightmares... Buffy: ...were real. Kathy: I'm sorry, ok? I left my dimension to go to college and they sent these guys after me. Giles: 'But while the Mok'tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to the lack of a soul.' (He looks at the baggie with Kathy's toenail clippings.) Kathy: ...so I'm borrowing yours. Buffy: (In a 'how typical' tone.) Without even asking. Kathy: Tonight, when they come looking for me, they'll take the one without a soul. Buffy: Well, thank God I won't have to watch you floss anymore. Kathy: (Shouts.) And I won't have to live with a slob. Buffy bites the hand holding her down. Kathy lets up enough for Buffy to get leverage and throw her off. She throws Kathy against the bed and kicks her in the midsection. They both gain their feet and face off... Buffy charges and Kathy throws her over her back onto the bed. Buffy bounces off and kicks Kathy once in the face, once in the side. Kathy throws a punch which Buffy avoids. The slayer throws a punch which the demon blocks. Kathy grabs Buffy's head and throws her across the room and through Buffy's closet door. Kathy: (Singsong.) It's share time, Buffy. With a growl, she runs over, grabs Buffy's feet and drags her out of the closet. Buffy: Fine, let's start with my sweater. She has her ketchup-ruined sweater in her hands and wraps it around Kathy's neck, tightening it. Kathy grabs the sweater and rips it in two. Buffy: Oh! Kathy picks her up and throws her back down onto the floor. When Buffy tries to get up again she gets a kick in the face. At Giles' apartment, Xander wakes up. His movements wake Oz. Xander: Oow... why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self respecting bachelor? Willow comes in. Willow: Guys, I just saw Kathy and she's acting... Oh my God, are you ok? (She runs over and helps Oz to his feet.) Oz: Yeah, Buffy's got a pretty good lead on us, though. Willow: I-I'll call Kathy, tell her to get out of there. (She goes over to the phone and starts punching numbers.) In the dorm room, Kathy is hitting Buffy across the face with the telephone handset. Kathy: (Whap) All you had to do was (Whap) write (Whap) down (Whap) your (Whap) calls! Giles' apartment. Willow: (Hanging up.) No answer. Giles: (Rushing in.) Toenails! (He looks at them and shows them the baggie.) Buffy was right. (He gives it to Willow.) Kathy's toenails not only keep growing after they've been cut, they actually regenerate after they've been destroyed. Willow: (Examining the clippings.) And that's a demon thing? Giles: Oh, unequivocally yes. So... where is Buffy? (Xander shows him the rope.) Oh dear, we have even less time than I feared. (He hurries into the kitchen and starts gathering up items.) I've looked up all known regenerating demons. Only one species practices the ritual Buffy's been seeing in her sleep. It's used to steal the soul from a human body. Xander: W-wait, are you saying that Buffy's been doing a Linda Blair on us because Kathy's been sucking her soul? Giles sets items down on the table. Giles: I believe so, yes. Excuse me please. He drags Xander off the chair he'd been sitting on and moves it out of the way. Willow: So Buffy was right all along. Later on, big remorse. Giles grabs the book he'd been reading earlier Giles: Now, I've found a spell that should reverse the soul transfer procedure immediately. (He hands the book over to Willow.) Willow and I will perform it at once. Oz: Leaving Xander and me to help Buffy in the flesh. Oz rushes out. Xander hesitates a moment, clearly not wanting to go. Then he follows. Giles reads from the book held by Willow as he begins lighting candles. Giles: 'Hear me, elders of the upper reaches... elders of the lower reaches... elders of the dry land... elders of the river flats.' In the dorm room, Kathy throws Buffy against the demon's desk. Pencils fall to the floor. Buffy: Ah-hah! (She stomps on the pencils, breaking them.) Kathy tries a backhand which Buffy blocks. Buffy grabs her head, swings her around, then gives her an uppercut. Kathy is thrown back into her own bookshelves, breaking them and scattering the items stored there. She rushes at Buffy and throws her against the door to the hall. In the hallway, on the outside of their door, we see that the numbers attached to it read two fourteen... until the shock of Buffy hitting the door causes the number two to break it's upper attachment and swing around upside down. A student leans out of his room, just next door. Student: Do you mind? People are trying to study! Kathy runs Buffy across the room and into the window on the side of the room. (Not the one they were arguing over earlier meaning their room is in the corner of the building.) It breaks leaving Buffy lying across the sill. Kathy grabs her. Giles' apartment. Giles: 'Ancients I beseech you. The soul, abstracted. Let it revert to it's true seat.' Dorm room. Kathy drags Buffy up off the window sill. Kathy: The window's open. Happy? She throws Buffy over her bed and the slayer ends up leaning against her own bed. Kathy jumps on her and tries to force her mouth open. Kathy: Open up! Let me finish! (She gets Buffy's mouth open.) Giles' apartment. Giles: 'Let it be finished. Let the unnatural vessel be emptied, let the essence be returned to it's original host.' Dorm room. Kathy tries to draw out the rest of Buffy's soul, but the reverse happens as Buffy's soul material is returned to her. Kathy drops, spent. Kathy: How did you do... With a flash of light, what looks like vortex briefly appears, to be followed by Taparrich who materializes inside the room. He and Kathy start talking in subtitles. Taparrich: There you are. Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in young lady? Kathy: I'm not going back! Taparrich: Don't take that tone with me. Kathy: I'm 3000 years old! When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900? Oz and Xander burst through the door and Taparrich turns on them with a roar... they scoot back, but stay in the room. The demon turns back to Kathy. Taparrich: Enough. You're coming home. He waves his arm and a vortex forms in the floor. Buffy sees it and quickly crawls around to the other side of the bed. Kathy screams as she's sucked in. Taparrich steps forward and enters the vortex too, it seals leaving the floor unblemished. Buffy, Oz and Xander stare at each other, speechless. Daytime, the dorm room. Willow is moving in, her stuff in boxes around the room. She's hanging up a 'Dingoes Ate My Baby' poster. Buffy has just finished eating half of a sandwich, the other half on a saucer in her hand. Willow: How's that? Buffy: Uh-uh, a little to the left... there. Perfect. I'm so glad you're here Will. (She sets the other half of her sandwich on the dresser.) I can already feel all that bad-Kathy-karma just draining away. She starts moving boxes and books around, straightening up. Willow: About that--The Kathy thing?--I'm sorry I doubted you. Willow moves things from a box into one of the drawers in the dresser. Buffy: You're completely forgiven. I mean, you had reason to doubt. Except for the soul sucking thing I bet Kathy was pretty regular, as far as roomies go. Willow: That's a pretty big 'except.' Buffy: I guess. I'm just glad that it was Kathy's demon-y ways making me no-fun Buffy. I've always thought I was pretty easy going--you know?--it's not like I have the big issues. You know, burn incense, or... Willow: (Picking up the half-sandwich.) You going to finish this? She bites into it. Buffy's senses intensify, focusing in on Willow's teeth as she bites the sandwich. Her eyes narrow. [Ending credits]

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x02 - Living Conditions"}

foreverdreaming

This transcript is merely for those that do not have access to Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the TV. It is not to infringe on any copyrighted material, merely to spread and promote BTVS. Feel free to distribute this, so long as there are no modifications made. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cut to the Bronze. Oz is onstage with Dingoes Ate My Baby. (Four Star Mary) Pan over to where Buffy and Willow are sitting at a table chatting. Willow : Hey look. Parker's here. You're not looking? He looks really cute in green. Buffy : Teal. He's reflected in the mirror. Round security mirror shows Parker sh**ting pool. Willow : You know when you spend all week with a boy you are allowed to look at him directly. Buffy : Not all week. We hung out. Moderately incessantly. But we're not here together tonight. You know, I don't want to crowd him. Willow nods. Cut to Oz taking off his guitar and leaving the stage as the crowd applauses. He walks over to Buffy and Willow's table. Oz : Hey. You guys ready to load up and go? Willow : Almost. Buffy's looking at Parker. (Cut to round mirror again where Parker is still reflected playing pool.) Who it turns out has a reflection, so big plus there. Buffy's having lusty wrong feelings. Buffy : No I'm not. Willow : No, you're not. Buffy : Oh, I so am. Willow : No, uh, they're not wrong feelings cause you're free, you're both grown-ups. You are free, right? Parker walks over and puts his hand on Buffy's shoulder. Parker : Hi. Buffy : Hi. Parker : I just wanted to let you know I'm headed out. And it's not real safe here, so if you want to walk back to your dorm. Buffy : How silly of me not to have planned ahead. Willow smiles and Buffy gets her jacket and stands up to leave with Parker. Willow : Bye. Parker : See you guys. Buffy and Parker have left leaving Willow and Oz at the table. Buffy turns back and smiles at Willow, who nods, happy for her friend. Cut to the back lot at the Bronze. Willow, Oz and another member of Dingoes Ate My Baby, Devon, are taking equipment out to Oz's van. Devon : That was like the best set ever. We'll do great in LA. We're gonna have them glued to their seats. Willow : Uh, Devon. Aren't they supposed to dance? Oz : Well, we can glue them to the dance floor. Oz and Devon head back into the Bronze leaving Willow outside. Devon : I didn't mean with real glue. You got that right? Willow is sliding a case into the van as she hears a voice, and turns. Harmony : Willow, hi. Willow : Harmony, hey. I haven't seen you since - Harmony : Since graduation. Big snake huh? Willow : Yeah. So, how was your summer vacation? Harmony : Well I was gonna go to France. But I didn't. I was dying to see the stores. Willow : Yeah, and the museums. Harmony : Museums? Willow : Yeah, I heard they have them. You know, just a rumor you pick up on the streets. They laugh. Harmony : You were always so funny Willow. You haven't changed a bit. Willow : No, you neither. Harmony : Oh, maybe a little. Vamps out and grabs Willow and begins to feed. [Opening credits] Oz appears with a mic stand shoving her out of the way, then brandishes a cross. Willow : Back off Harmony. Harmony : Okay, fine. Hide behind your boyfriend. But I have a boyfriend too. And he's gonna be mad that you were mean to me. She runs off and Willow and Oz relax. Cut to Parker and Buffy walking along the street. Parker : Uh, hobbies. Interests. I feel like there's so much I don't know about you. What do you like to do? Buffy : Mostly I hang out. And do ... stuff. Parker : Yeah, I was into that for a while. Hey, what's that. Buffy : What's what? Parker pushes aside the collar of her jacket to reveal the scar from when Angel fed on her. Parker : You have a scar. Buffy : Yeah ... right ... angry puppy. So, I get to see any of your scars? Parker : Oh, mine are all psychological. Buffy : Please, those are the best kind. Parker : Well my father died last year. Buffy : Oh, God. Parker, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up, that stuff. Oh, bad, bad Buffy. Parker : No, I'm okay to talk about it now. And I'm not doing to deep, get sympathy routine. I mean don't you just hate guys that are all 'I'm dark and brooding so give me love?' Buffy : I don't think I've ever met that type. They sit on a bench. Parker : I just wanted to say that it was so sad cause there was well, a lot of stuff that he didn't finish. It make me think about, you know, living for now. Buffy : I think about that sometimes. I sort of drowned a couple years ago. But I came back. Obviously. But I don't, I don't put stuff off anymore. Like you were saying. Parker : That's great. I mean, everybody says they get it. 'Oh, man. Me too. Live for today.' But what they really what is a reason to goof off. Not study for finals. Buffy : Also a valid life choice. Parker : It's cool to find someone else who understands. Buffy : So Parker Abrams. When you go to sleep tonight, what are you going to regret not doing today? Parker : I'm going to regret ... being too nervous to ask you to go to the party at Wolfhouse tomorrow night. Do you want to go to the party - Buffy : Yes. Cut to Giles apartment where Xander is attempting to shelve Giles books. Xander : I am not enjoying this. Giles : Well shelve them correctly and we can finish. Xander : I don't get your crazy system. Giles : System? It's called the alphabet. Giles grabs a book and puts it in it's correct place. Xander : Huh. Would you look at that. Anya walks in and Giles walks over to where she is. Anya : You should lock your door. Giles : Believe me, I'm kicking myself. Gets a look from Anya. Xander walks over surprised. Xander : Anya? Last time I saw you fleeing in terror. So how'd that work out for you? Anya : I need to talk to Xander. (Gets a nod from Giles. She glares at him.) Go away. (She smiles at Xander and grabs his hand, leading him out the door.) Xander come with me. Xander tosses a look back at Giles, then follows, shutting the door behind him. Anya : Your mother said you were working here. Xander : Yeah I need some money. Anya : (Abruptly) Where is our relationship going? Xander : Our what? Our who? Anya : (Matter of faculty.) Relationship. What kind do we have. And what is it progressing toward? Xander : I ... Uh ... We have a relationship? Anya : Yeah. We went to the prom. Xander : Yeah, On our one and only date. Second date called on account of snake, remember? And the whole, you used to be a man k*lling demon thing. Which to be fair, is as much my issue as it is yours. Anya : I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes in my dreams, you're all naked. Steps towards him, eyes widening. Xander : Really. You know if I'm in the checkout line at the Wal-Mart I've had the same one. Anya : So I can assume a standing Friday night date and a mutual recognition as Prom night as our dating anniversary. Xander : Anya. Slow down there. In fact, come to a screeching halt. See these things kind of have to develop on their own. Anya : Okay. How? Xander : I don't know. I just - happens. Cut to Buffy and Parker standing at her door in the hall of the dorm. Buffy : This is it. The door. Wood. (She knocks on it.) Maybe some kind of wood veneer. Parker : It's nice. He leans in to kiss her and their lips just touch as Oz and Willow come running down the hall. Buffy and Parker cease and desist due to the racket. Oz : Hey. Hi, hi. Remember Harmony. Willow : She's back from her summer vacation. And she's a little bit different. Buffy : Different? Willow : Paler. Parker : (Noticing how Willow is holding her hand over where Harmony bit her.) Is your neck okay? Buffy : Neck. Paler. The puppy. The angry puppy. Oz : Yeah, we came to warn you about the - angry puppy. Buffy : I um, should really take care of this now. Parker : I'll pick you up tomorrow night for the party. Buffy : I can't wait. He leaves. Willow : (In a small voice.) Get in now? Buffy quickly unlocks the door leading Oz and Willow into the room. Cut to Oz cleaning Willow's wound carefully. Buffy walks over to them. Buffy : Harmony. A vampire? She must be dying without a reflection. Willow : (Sporting a neon green Band-Aid.) She just made me so mad. (Contorting her face to mock Harmony.) 'My boyfriends gonna b*at you up.' Buffy : 'My boyfriend.' Willow : Well, if you believe her. She always lied about stuff like that. (More face contortion.) 'Oh, he goes to another school. You wouldn't know him.' Oz : Well, Devon dated her for a while, but she was too flaky for him. Which, stop and marvel at the concept. Oz and Willow laugh. Buffy shakes her head. Buffy : Guy dating Harmony d*ad. Must be like, the most tolerant guy in the world. Cut to underground crypt as Harmony descends into it. She walks over to a man wearing all black and protective head gear for drilling. She puts her hand on his back to draw his attention. Harmony : Hi baby. I'm back. The man clad in black removes the gear revealing Spike. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Descend from ground level back underground. Spike and another vampire are discussing papers strewn over a table. Spike : It's definitely the crypt right. I'm not keen on tunneling into someone's septic t*nk. Vampire : It's the crypt. The radar soundings are clear. The walls are thinnest here at the bottom. We'll have to tunnel underneath. More work but I'm sure - Spike slams his head into the table then looks down at him. Spike : You'd better be more than sure. Cause I'd hate to have to hurt you. Vampire : I swear, I swear. Harmony walks up and snuggles against Spike. Harmony : How's my little Blondie bear? Spike : Harm, does this look like a good time? Harmony : Are you gonna k*ll Willow tonight? Cause I want you to say, 'This is for messing with my sweet girl.' And then, you know. (She mock bites into his shoulder making grossly noises.) He throws the vampire aside then takes Harmony by the waist. Spike : Nobody knows I'm here. And I'm not k*lling the slayer's best friend because that would tend to announce my presence. (Harmony gives him an annoyed, put out look.) And we're too bloody close. Harmony : But you almost k*lled her last year. Suddenly it's a big deal.? Spike : SOD OFF! Now go eat something, I've got work to do. Spike and the vampire return to the table. She walks over to wear a boy is chained up and looks irritated. Harmony : This one tastes funny. Take me out to eat. Spike : He's perfectly fresh. Harmony : I think I had a math class with him last year and I didn't like him that much then either. Spike : Harm! Harmony : I want to go to a party. Spike slams his fists into the table, then heads over to where she is. He grabs her and slams her into the wall. She smiles coyly at him. Harmony : Oh. Right here baby. In front of Bernie. Spike : You'd like that wouldn't you. Harmony : Maybe I would. After a party. Spike : Tonight. I'll take you somewhere nice. Cut to the frat party. Bif Naked is performing on stage and people are dancing. Buffy and Parker walk around. Parker : Some party huh? Last day in Rome. Buffy : Better. No old Romans. Parker : You want to dance? Buffy : No. Let's have a meaningful talk instead. Harmony and Spike walk up with an out of it guy under their arms. Buffy : Spike. (Pauses looking amused.) And Harmony. Harmony : Buffy. Hi. What a cute outfit. Last year. Spike : Well this is interesting. Sort of a double date. Parker : Looks like your friend started the party a little early, huh? Spike : So, let's have a look at the new boy. Parker : (Holds out his hand.) Hi, I'm Parker. Spike looks at it in fascination for a second, then Parker puts his hand down disconcerted. Spike : He's got. What's the word? Vulnerability. Buffy : And you with Harmony. What'd you do? Loose a bet? Harmony looks irritated. Harmony : Hey. Spike : Actually, how we met. It's a funny story. He throws the boy into Harmony and the others, then leaps over the couch taking off. Buffy : Stay here. She runs after him outside, then runs into him by some shrubbery. He back hand punches her in the face then gets into a defensive stance. Buffy : What's the matter Spike? Dru dump you again. She throws a punch, then another, both of which he blocks. Then she hits him d*ad on in the face. Spike : Maybe I left her. Buffy goes to att*ck, but Spike diverts her to the left. Harmony appears. Harmony : She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days. Spike strides up to her. Spike : Harm! We are going. It isn't time yet. Harmony : Yeah, but as soon as we have the gem of amara, you're gonna be sorr- Spike : Argh! He grabs her and takes off. Harmony : What? Ow! Buffy stands with her stake, then lowers it, thinking about what Harmony just let out. Cut to Xander's room in his parents' basement. He's hanging up a mirrorball. There's a knock at the door. Xander : Come in. Anya enters slowly. Xander : Anya. Hi again. Anya : You're mother sent me around from the front of the house. She said to ask you to add fabric softener when the timer goes off. Can we talk some more? Xander : Yeah I suppose. Would you like something? I have cran-apple? Anya : Yeah, alright. He heads over to the fridge and rummages around a bit. Xander : You know it is customary to call before you show up. Not that - During this Anya has removed her dress. As Xander realized what he's seeing cran-apple arcs out of the container, he stands there, gaping at her. Cut to Buffy standing at a pay phone. As she talks we cut to Giles apartment where he is on the other end of the phone. Buffy : Yeah, Spike with Harmony. If you can believe it. I couldn't figure out why he ran away but Harmony said something. Why they were here. They were looking for the gem of something... Amara. Giles : The gem of amara. Are you sure? Buffy : Yeah, what's up? Buffy : Uh, oh, it's just, uh, it's not real. He heads over to boxes where books are being stored. Giles : It's uh, the vampire equivalent of the Holy Grail. The source of some enormous power, was convienetly vague. Oh, here it is, yes. There was a great deal of vampiric interest in locating it during the, uh, oh the 10th century. Questing vampires combed the earth, but no one ever found anything.. It was concluded that it never existed. Cut to Buffy. Buffy : Well, Spike seems to think it exists. And he's looking in Sunnydale. Giles : Yes, well I'll research it as best I can. You've done all you can for tonight. Why don't you go to bed. Buffy : Uh, huh. Sleepy. Yawn. Bye. Cut the Harmony and Spike's bedroom. Spike is trying to read something, Harmony is laying on the bed in lingerie. Harmony : Is Antonio Banderas a vampire? Spike : No. Harmony : Can I make him a vampire? Spike : No. On second thought, yes. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well. Harmony : Hey, I don't have a pulse. Cool. Hey, can we eat a doctor so we can get a stethoscope and hear my heart not beating? Spike : Harm. Will you shut the hell up?! He jumps to his feet, furious. Harmony just giggles. Harmony : And if my hearts no beating, what are these blue veins for. I'm simply covered in these blue veins. She runs her fingers over her cheats drawing attention to her cleavage. Harmony : See. Spike gets a look and climbs into bed with her. They nuzzle. Spike : I've got an extra set of chains. Harmony : Just because Dorkus went in for that - Spike grabs her hair and pulls her head back. Spike : Dru-scilla. Say her name. Harmony : Dorkus. Spike : Bite your tongue. Harmony : Do it for me. Steamy kissing. Cut to Xander and Anya. She's still naked, he's still stunned. Anya : At point the matter is brought to a conclusion with both parties satisfied and able to move on with their separate lives and interests. To sum up, I think it's a workable plan. Xander : So, the crux of this plan is - Anya : Sexual intercourse. I've said it like a dozen times. Xander : Uh, huh. Just working through a little hysterical deafness here. Anya : I think it's the secret to getting you out of my mind. Putting you behind me. Behind me figuratively. I'm thinking face to face for the actual event itself. Xander : Ah, right. It's just we hardly know each other. I mean I like you. And you have a certain directness that I admire. But sexual interc-- What you're talking about, well--and I'm actually turning into a woman as I say this--but it's about expressing something. And accepting consequences. Anya : Oh, I have condoms. Some are black. Xander : That's... that's very considerate. Anya : I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now. Xander : And the amazing thing... still more romantic than Faith. Anya moves towards him and they kiss. The buzzer for the dryer goes off. Anya : Fabric softener. Cut to the party. Buffy finds Parker. Buffy : Parker. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find you. Parker : I was getting a little worried. Buffy : I'm so sorry. It's just that - the English guy is an old friend. And he's not supposed to drink. And I saw him here in the land of the beer - Parker : It's okay. You did a good thing for your friend. Did uh, you and he used to go out. Short burst of hysterical laughter from Buffy. She stops abruptly. Buffy : Um, no. No we really, really didn't. Parker : Good. Now we have time to make up for. Think I could get a dance with the prettiest girl at the party. Buffy : What am I supposed to do? Stand over here and watch? They dance, in a rather close intense way. (Lucky ones by Bif Naked plays in the background. - On the BTVS Soundtrack!) Parker : Well, I declared premed. But I hated it. So I switched to history. Buffy : History? Fascinating dates and compelling faces. Parker : But there something amazing about these huge events that when you dig down into them they're just about regular people trying to make choices. When you look back at it seems like people were swept up in events they couldn't control. But I don't believe that. I believe you have a choice in everything you do. They kiss. Parker : Is this okay? Because I can stop if you wanna. It's your choice. (She pulls his close and strokes his face.) What are you doing? Buffy : Making a choice. They kiss again. Cut to them kissing in Parker's room and shedding clothing. Cut to Giles looking through his books and calling someone. The phone rings and he gets Buffy and Willow's answering machine. Giles : Buffy are you there? Call me, I need to talk to you right away. Cut to Buffy and Parker getting to know each other in a biblical sense. He has red sheets. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cut to Parker's room. Buffy wakes up alone and without knowing where her clothing are. Buffy : Parker? She wraps the sheet around her and gets up looking through his messy room for her discarded clothing. Buffy : Just shirt. Pants. Everybody needs pants. Parker walks in bearing coffee, and Buffy turns around. Parker : Hey, you're up. Buffy : You're here. Parker : I live here. Buffy : Oh, I just, didn't know where you were. He sits on the bed, Buffy standing near him. Parker : It looked like you were going to be out for a while. So I ran for coffee. Better than what I got around here. Warm soda and breath mints. Buffy : Breath mints. Wouldn't be turning them down right now. So, do you have any plans for today? Parker : Actually my mom's coming to visit. Buffy : Oh, well I'll just clear out then. But maybe we could um, talk or something later. Parker : Absolutely, I'll give you a call. Buffy : Great. Oh, uh, one more thing before I go. Parker : A kiss. Buffy : Well I was going to go with pants, but a kiss is good too. They kiss. Cut to Xander and Anya redressing themselves in his room. Anya : So, I'm over you now. Xander : Um, Ok. Anya : Okay?! Xander : Yeah... Anya stalks off upset, leaving a very confused Xander behind. Cut to Harmony and Spike laying in their bed. She's drawing on him with lipstick. He looks out of it. Spike : Harm, what are you doing. Harmony : I'm writing Spike loves Harmony on your back. Spike : Why? Harmony : I don't know, it's fun. I'm bored. You can write on me. Spike : I've got to get back to work. He gets up. Harmony : You love that tunnel more than me. Spike : I love syphilis more than you. Cut to Buffy walking into her dorm room. She starts to undo the straps on the back of her shirt to take it off as she heads towards her bed. Giles : Oh, good morning. Buffy sees Giles and Willow at work at Willow's computer. She abruptly stops then starts to redo her top. Buffy : Giles, I didn't know you were here. Giles : Uh really. Buffy : I was studying at the library. All Saturday night. (Giles gives her a look.) Uh, you know what. I'm an adult now and it's none of your business what I do. Giles : I'm sincerely relieved to hear that. Now can we discuss the impending disaster. Willow : Giles found something. Giles : A text. It refers to the gem of amara as residing in the valley of the sun. Willow : Demon fancy talk for Sunnydale. Giles : It seems that Spike may know what it's about. The gem may exist after all, in Sunnydale in a sealed underground crypt. Buffy : Why don't you guys try and locate the crypt and I'll try to find Spike before he gets there. Giles : I'll get started. Willow : I'll go call Xander and have him meet at your place. Giles : (As he leaves) Right. Willow turns looking excited. Willow : It happened right? (Bounds over to the bed where Buffy is sitting.) Did it happen? With Parker? Buffy : Yeah, it happened. Willow : Well, and details. I mean not details. I don't need a diagram. But, you know. Like maybe a blurry watercolor. Buffy : It was nice. It was really nice. He's going to call. Willow : I love this part. Don't you love this part. Like when it's all new and everything's a discovery. Buffy : I don't know. I guess I do. Cut to underground where Spike, Harmony and the vampire are still looking for the crypt. Spike : It's here. Vampire : I knew it was here. Spike : We're close now. No one leaves the layer till we're in. I don't want the slayer tracking anyone to the tunnel. And that means you too Harmony. You're an indoor kitty now. Harmony : But Spike, you said you'd take me places. You said we'd go to France and now I can't even leave the lair. He throws down his shovel as the other vampires depart. Spike : Listen to me, you stupid bint. This gem is everything I came back to Sunnydale for, which has witnessed some truly spectacular kickings of my ass. Now, when I have the gem, they'll all die, don't worry. But until then, stay inside. And by the way, I would be insanely happy if I heard bugger all, about sodding France. Harmony : I don't know why I let you be so mean to me. Spike : Love hurts baby. Cut to Buffy going through the campus showing people Harmony's high school picture from her yearbook. Cut to her dorm. The answering machine shows 0 messages. Cut to Spike he's where he's drilling at the tunnel. Cut to Buffy at night at a pay phone. Phone : You've got one new message at 9:05 p.m. Hi, It's me. I'm at Giles. Did Parker call yet? Cut to Spike drilling again, this time he breaks through. Cut to answering machine showing 0 messages again. Buffy looking upset lets herself fall on her bed to the side. Cut to Spike climbing into the crypt with a lantern. He looks around and sees a large green gem in an ornate necklace around the neck of a skeleton. Spike : It's real. Harmony : Ooh, pretty. Can I take stuff? Harmony has followed Spike into the crypt and is also holding a lantern. Spike : Take whatever you want I don't care. She walks over and kisses him. He strokes the gem and yanks it off the skeleton. Harmony is trying on a tiara. Harmony : Eww. Like you're too good to work a clasp. He puts on the necklace. And does things with his hands, feeling all powerful. Harmony : So is it doing it? Do you feel it. I mean, you don't look different, if you were wondering. I thought maybe you'd look taller or glow or something. Hmm. She goes back to playing with the jewels. He strides over and grabs a cross, burning his hand, crying out in pain. Harmony : You should put some butter on that. But, hey, maybe it's worth money, anyway. That would be something. (Spike strides away, breaking off a piece of wood.) Then we could go to France, I always wanted to go to France and stay in a chateau and you could take me shopping - She cuts off as he s*ab her with the improvisational stake. To their surprise, she doesn't dust, but the wound heals immediately. Harmony : I can't believe you just did that. She starts pummeling him with girlie punches to his cheats. He grabs her hand and notices a ring she's put on. Spike : Hold on. He grabs a cross and pushes it against her, shielding has hand with a cloth, noting that she isn't burnt. Harmony : What are you doing you big freak? Spike : That's my gem. He grabs her and starts to yank it off. Harmony : Fine if that's all that matters to you. (She rips the gem off her hand and throws it at him and he catches.) Then take it, take it, take it and get out. Spike puts it on and strides off. Spike : That's a good idea. I think I'll go wait outside. He hops down the hole, leaving Harmony looking miserable. Cut to Giles apartment were Oz is sifting through some of Giles old records. Giles is trying to study something. Oz : Okay, either I'm borrowing all your albums or I'm moving in. Giles : Oz there are more important things than records right now. Oz : (Holding up a record.) More important than this one? Giles : Well I suppose an argument could be made for - Xander : Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us. Oz : I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed. Giles : I, ah, uh, uh. Willow : (Walking in.) Well maybe it doesn't work. Like a piece of art. Xander turns the TV on. Willow is open mouthed with shock. Giles : Public television. Come on everyone we have vital work to do. Watching television is not going to help us right now. TV : - near the UC Sunnydale campus. Officials attribute the unusual occurrence to weakening of the supporting topsoil nearby. City work crews denied any tunneling has been done in the area. Giles : Tunneling. Spike. Xander, find Buffy and meet us there. Giles and the g*ng leave, Xander watches the TV for a second more then gets up to leave. Cut to Buffy walking along the campus, were she spies Parker talking to a young blonde twinkie. Parker : You know it h*t me hard, my dad. Since then I just don't put stuff off anymore. It's about living for now. Buffy walks over to them. Buffy : Parker? Parker : Buffy. Buffy Summers, this is Katie Loomis. (Katie waves.) Buffy : What's going on? Parker : Hey, Katie, you're going to be late for class. I'll catch up later, okay. He picks up her bag and hands it to her as she leaves. Buffy : She's a friend of yours. Parker : Yeah, you'd like her a bunch. So, what's up? Buffy : Well, um you didn't call. I'd, uh I understand if you were busy or sick or something. Parker : It's only been a few days. You need to talk to me about something. Buffy : Is everything okay? Parker : Sure it is. Buffy : It is? Parker : Sure. Buffy; Oh, um, so maybe do you wanna do something. Parker : Sure, we could do that absolutely. Buffy : So what about tonight. Parker : Oh... Uh... I think I'm supposed to get together with some people later ... Buffy : Parker did I do something wrong? Parker : Something wrong? No, of course not. It was fun didn't you have fun. Watch out how you answer that. My ego is fragile. Buffy : You had fun? Was that all it was? Parker : What else was it supposed to be? Buffy : It seemed like you liked me. Parker : I do. But I'm starting to feel like you felt what? Some kind of commitment? Are you sure that's what you want right now? Buffy : I just thought... Parker : I'm sorry if you missed something. I thought things were pretty clear. Buffy : I'm sorry if I miss. I'm sorry. Parker : Look, I really have to go now. He walks off leaving Buffy looking dejected. Buffy : Parker wait. I did this all wrong. Parker : No, it's cool. We'll hook up later. Spike : Wow. That was pathetic. He punches her in the face. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Buffy is on the ground looking up, while Spike stands above her in a beam of sunlight. Spike : Birds singing, squirrels making lots of rotten little squirrels. Sun beaming down in a nice, non-fatal way. It's very exciting, I can't wait to see if I freckle. Buffy grabs her stake and jumps up. She lands a punch, then he punches her back and she hits the ground. He goes to jump on her and she kicks him back. He staggers, but jumps forward again, right into her stake. Spike : Oh, do it again. It tickels. You know, in a good way. Buffy withdraws the stake and he heals, while she looks somewhat surprised. Spike : The gem of amara. He holds up his hand, then backhands her whereupon she hits the ground again. Spike : Official sponsor, of my k*lling you. He vamps out then goes in for the k*ll. Cut to the underground crypt. Giles and Oz are hefting Willow up through the hole. Harmony is crying. Harmony : Being a vampire sucks. She vamps out, then jumps up to att*ck with a fierce growl. Cut to Xander, knocking anxiously on Buffy and Willow's door. Xander : Buffy. (Knocks again.) Buffy. He turns away and runs into Anya. Anya : Xander. I was looking for you. You weren't in your musty basement. Xander : Have you seen Buffy. Anya : No. About what happened. I said I was over you - Xander : Anya, I don't have time. He cuts her off, then takes off running. She's left looking dejected. Cut to the crypt. Giles : Harmony, where's Spike? Has he had the gem. Harmony nods. Harmony : He staked me, then he took it. He tried to take it right off my finger. Like I wouldn't have just given it to him. I would have given him anything he wanted. He was my platinum baby and I loved him. Giles : Where did Spike go? Harmony, leaves, descending through the hole. Cut to Buffy and Spike fighting. Buffy is on her knees blocking a punch from Spike. He redirects her into a pole, then kicks her in the stomach. She gets up and tries to kick him but he blocks her and throws her into the pole again. He's pressing her against it, then she grabs him by the throat and begins to choke him, then throws him off her. Buffy kicks him in the stomach, which sends him spinning to the ground. He leaps back up and tries a spinning kick which she blocks, then kicks him with a roundhouse, then another, followed by redirecting him over a bench, sending him rolling. She jumps up on the bench and tries to kick him in the chest, but he blocks her, grabs her arm and throws her into a metal frame table, who's glass top shatters under her. She rolls off and Spike strolls after her. Spike : Getting tired Slayer? Buffy gets up, only to be h*t with a series of punches and floored again. In the background, we see Xander running up. Buffy : Xander, get out of here. Spike grabs him, knees him in the face, and sends him flying into the pole from hell. Spike : So, you let Parker take a poke, eh? Didn't seem like you know each other that well. What did it take to pry apart the Slayer's dimpled knees? Buffy : You're a pig Spike. He jumps from the few stairs he was above her, then kicks her full on. Spike : Did he play the sensitive lad and get you to seduce him? That's a good trick if the girls thick enough to buy it. Buffy flies up and delivers a roundhouse, however Spike follows it with an equally vicious h*t that sends her flying forward. Spike : I wonder what went wrong. Were you too strong? Did you bruise the boy? Come to think of it seems like someone told me that. Who was it? Oh, yeah. Angel. He smiles cruelly, and Buffy is up in an instant. She throws a round house, then a punch, then another and another. She redirects him over the edge of a planter, jumps on it and while coming down kicks him, sending him flying into another planter knocking over a earthenware pot. She grabs him, punching him twice in the face, then grabs the arm with the ring on it. Spike : Take it off me this way, we both burn. Buffy : Really? Let's see. She jerks the ring off his finger and his face instantly contorts into a visage of pain. He starts to smoke then runs off crying out in agony. Buffy, exhausted sits down inspecting the ring. Cut to a close up of the ring on a wooden table. Willow : I like it. Oz : It's small. Xander : Really worth getting my ribs bashed in. We see that the Scooby g*ng is collected at Giles apartment, gathered round the ring, which is set in the middle of his coffee table. Giles : It's also very dangerous. And we're destroying it. Buffy : We don't destroy it. Giles : Well, Buffy, any vampire that gets his hand on this is going to be essentially unlikable. (He looks at Buffy for a moment.) Oh. Oz : I have that gig in LA. I could swing by. Buffy : Thanks Oz. Xander : What's going on. What's in LA? Willow : She's giving the ring to Angel. Don't make a fuss. Giles : Buffy are you sure. Buffy : He should have it. Cut to Buffy and Willow walking through the campus late at night. Buffy : So what I'm wondering is, does this always happen? Sleep with a guy and he goes all evil. God, I'm such a fool. Willow : Well maybe you made a mistake. But that's okay. Next time - what? Buffy : Parker said it's okay to make mistakes. It was sweet. Willow : No it wasn't. He was saying that so you would take a chance and sleep with him. He's a poop head. Buffy : You're right. He's manipulative and shallow. And why doesn't he want me. Am I repulsive? If there was something repulsive about me you would tell me, right? Willow : I'm your friend. I would call you repulsive in a second. Buffy : Maybe Parker and I could still work it out. Do you think we could still work it out? Willow : I think you're missing something about this whole poop head principal. Buffy : I think I'm gonna take a walk. You go on ahead. Willow : You sure? Buffy : Yeah. She heads off leaving Willow behind. She walks along alone, then we see both Anya and Harmony, all looking downtrodden walking along. BLACK OUT

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x03 - In The Harsh Light of the Day"}

foreverdreaming

Previously on Buffy: Buffy: “Parker, did I do something wrong?” Parker: “Didn’t you have fun?” Buffy: “Is that all it was?” Parker: “What else was it supposed to be?” Buffy: “He’s manipulative and shallow, and why doesn’t he want me?” Willow: “I think you’re missing something about the whole poop-head principle.” Xander: “Hi again.” Anya drops her dress and Xander squeezes the juice box. Xander and Anya getting dressed. Xander(voice over): “So, college not so scary after all, huh?” Three masked commando guys with w*apon drawn walking up to a vamp laying on the ground. Buffy (voice over): “It’s turning out a lot like high school, which I can handle.” Xander in his basement with a Kn*fe in his hand. Xander: “I don’t know, I was going for ferocious, scary, but it’s coming out more dryly sardonic.” Willow: “It does appear to be mocking you with its eye holes.” Oz: “The nose hole seems sad and full of self-loathing.” Xander turns the jack-o-lantern around to show to Buffy who’s laying on his bed: “What do you think, Buff?” Buffy: “I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin. Grow up in the sun - happily entwined with others, then someone comes along, cuts you open and - rips your guts out.” Xander: “Okay, and on that happy note, I’ve got a treat for tomorrow nights second annual Halloween screening. People - prepare to have your spines tingled, your gooses bumped by the terrifying (Pulls out a video and reads the title) Fantasia. Fantasia?” Oz: “Maybe it’s because of all the - horrific things we’ve seen, but hippos wearing tutus just don’t unnerve me the way they used to.” Xander: “Phantasm. It was supposed to be ‘Phantasm”. Stupid video store!” Willow: “I thought we were doing the alph delt thing.” Xander: “What thing?” Buffy: “The scary house? Sounds kinda lame.” Oz: “It actually borders on fun. You have to go through the scary house maze to get to the party. Which is usually worth getting to. Those guys go all out.” Willow: “As witnessed last Friday.” Oz: “Very true.” Xander: “There is a party?” Willow: “We didn’t tell you?” Xander: “No, it’s cool. You guys got your little college thing. I’m fine. I mean, I got better things to do than tag along to some Fraternity.” Willow: “You can come.” Xander: “Okay. But only because I lied about having better things to do.” Oz: “A blast will be had by all.” Buffy gets up: “I’m gonna get going.” Xander: “Now? Tonight’s still...(Looks at his watch) okay, it’s a little mature, but still.” Buffy: “I’m sleepy. You guys have fun.” Willow: “You want me to come with?” Buffy leaves: “No I’m fine.” Xander shakes his head: “Sad Buffy.” Willow: “She didn’t even touch her pumpkin. It’s a freak with no face.” Oz: “She’s still suffering a little post-Parker depression.” Xander: “Bailing on the Buff. Does anyone else want to smack that guy?” All three raise their hands. Cut to Buffy walking down the street alone. A demon jumps out at her screaming and she hits it in the face knocking it down. It pulls of its mask to reveal a young kid. Kid: “Jeez, that hurt! What the hell is wrong with you, lady?” Gets up and walks away. Buffy: “That’s what I’d like to know.” Intro. Cut to UC of Sunnydale. Willow and Buffy are walking into the cafeteria. Willow: “I’ve got the basics down – levitation, charms, glamours. I just feel like I’ve plateaued wicca-wise.” Buffy: “What’s the next level?” Willow: “Transmutation, conjuring, bringing forth something from nothing. Gets pretty close to the primal forces. A little scary.” Buffy: “Well, no one’s pushing. You know, if it’s too much don’t do it.” Willow: “Don’t do it? What kind of encouragement is *that*?” Buffy: “This is an ‘encouragement’ talk? I thought it was ‘share my pain’.” Willow: “I don’t know. Then again, what is college for if not experimenting? You know, maybe I can handle it. I’ll know when I’ve reached my limit.” Oz comes up to them: “Wine coolers?” Buffy: “Magic.” Oz: “Ooh, you didn’t encourage her, did you?” Willow: “Where is supportive boyfriend guy?” Oz: “He’s picking up your dry cleaning, but he told me to tell you that he’s afraid you’re gonna get hurt.” Willow with a smile: “Okay, Brutus. (Oz just looks at her) Brutus – Caesar? (Willow looks form Oz to Buffy) Betrayal – trusted friend? (Makes s*ab motions with her banana) Back s*ab?” Oz: “Oh, I’m with you on the reference, but – I won’t lie about the fact that I worry? I know what it’s like to have power you can’t control. I mean, every time I start to wold out, I touch something –deep – dark. It’s not fun. But just know that what ever you decide, I back your play.” Buffy: “See? Concerned boy, sweet boy.” Willow: “I kinda like him - worrying anyway.” We hear laughter and Buffy looks over to see Parker sitting at a table laughing with his friends. Buffy: “You know I, uhm, I forgot – to (puts her food down and turns to leave) be hungry.” Willow hands her food to Oz and runs after her: “Wait, Buffy.” Willow catches her in the hallway: “Buffy. Don’t let jerky Parker chase you away.” Buffy: “He didn’t. I just don’t want to deal with this right now. I’m taking a holiday from dealing, happily vacationing in the land of not coping.” Willow: “You know what, you’ll feel better at the party tonight. Maybe you’ll even meet someone.” Buffy: “Willow, I don’t want to meet someone. I’ve reached my quota on someones. Besides, I think I’m gonna have to patrol anyway.” Willow: “Tonight, but – it’s Halloween!” Buffy: “I’ll double check with Giles, but I’m sure he’s going to think I should be on active Slayer duty. He doesn’t care about Halloween.” Cut to Giles opening his door dressed up like a Mexican holding a big bowl of candy. Giles: “Happy Hallow - Hello, Buffy?” Buffy stares at him: “Oh – my – God.” Giles: “It’s a sombrero.” Buffy: “And it’s on your head.” Giles: “It seemed festive. Uhm, come in. (Buffy comes in) Candy?” Buffy looks around at the decorations: “What’s going on here? You hate Halloween.” Giles: “I never said any such a thing. As my Watcher’s duties took precedence, I simply haven’t taken time to – well, to embrace its inherent charms – until now. (Turns on a Frankenstein puppet hanging from the ceiling) Look, look! (Laughs) It’s alive! (Buffy just stares at him) See – how he shakes? - Is – is there something you wanted?” Buffy: “I was thinking that I should patrol tonight. You know, possibly the cemetery or if you had a better su... (Stares distractedly at the fringe dangling from the edge of his sombrero) could you please take that off?” Giles sets down the bowl of candy: “Oh, yes, of course. (Takes the hat off) I see, is there some specific danger you were sensing?” Buffy: “No. But then you know we were all caught of guard when Ethan turned everyone into their costumes." Giles: “True, but what happened then was anomalous. Creatures of the night shy away form Halloween. They find it all much too crass.” Buffy: “Hard to believe.” Giles: “Well, I-I promise you - there is little likelihood of any supernatural activity tonight. (Holds up the bowl of Candy) You sure you don’t want one?” Cut to the Alpha Delta Fraternity house. They are decorating the haunted house. A guy walks down the hallway and a plastic skeleton with a Kn*fe in its hand swings out in front of him, making him jump. 1.Guy laughs and holds up a bag to the guy standing next to the skeleton: “I come bearing spiders.” 2.Guy: “The sound system is not going to cut it. Nothing but lame.” 1.Guy: “You want me to call Oz? He can probably hook us up.” 2.Guy: “Do it. If we not scare the young women, they will not fall into our arms. - We’ll have woman-less arms. Halloween isn’t about thrills, chills and funny costumes, it’s about getting laid.” 1.Guy: “Is there any holiday that’s not about getting laid?” 2.Guy: “Arborday. Call Oz, dude.” 1.Guy: “Done. And oh, you wanted a symbol to paint upstairs, something mystical? (Holds up a book with a pentagram in it) Check this out.” Cut to Xander putting on a jacket in his basement, he turns and there is Anya standing on the stairs. Xander: “Anya? You really have to get this knocking thing down. - How did you...?” Anya: “You’re uncle Rory let me in. Does he always smell like peppermint?” Xander: “The man likes his schnapps. What are you doing here?” Anya: “You haven’t called. Not once.” Xander: “You said you were over me.” Anya: “And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.” Xander: “That’s the funny thing about me, I tend to hear the actual words people say and accept them at face value.” Anya: “That’s stupid.” Xander: “I accept that. - I can’t say seeing you falls into the realm of a bad thing.” Anya smiles: “Really? - I thought - maybe we could go out tonight, for our anniversary.” Xander: “Anniversary?” Anya: “It’s been exactly one week since we copulated. - Did you forget?” Xander: “Oh, no, of course not. It’s just I already have plans with Buffy, Willow and Oz. It’s Halloween, you know.” Anya: “I don’t understand.” Xander: “Well, every October 31st, we mortals dress up in masks...” Anya: “No, no, I understand that inane ritual. It’s those people. You continue to associate with them though you share little in common.” Xander: “What are you talking about?” Anya: “I mean they go to college, you don’t. They no longer live at home, - you do.” Xander: “Oh, hey, those things... The bonds of true friendship transcends... Could we just change the subject?” Anya: “Okay, okay. Don’t get upset with me. I just wondered.” Xander: “If you want you can come with me tonight to this party.” Anya: “You mean like a date? - Is that what this is? (Xander swallows) Are we dating?” Xander: “There are definitely date-like qualities at work here. – Oh, you’ll need a costume.” Anya: “A costume?” Xander: “Dress up, you know, something - scary.” Anya: “Scary. Scary how?” Xander: “Anya, you ex-demon, terrorized mankind for centuries. I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” Cut to Psyche-lecture room at UCS. Buffy walks up to Prof. Walsh and Riley as they get ready to leave. Buffy: “Excuse me, Professor Walsh? I came to get today’s assignments. I, uh, couldn’t make it to class for personal reasons.” Walsh: “Right. I count four limbs, a head no visible scarring, so I assume your personal issue wasn’t a life thr*at accident of any kind, I’m therefore uninterested. You got problems, solve them on your own time. Miss another class and you’re out.” Prof. Walsh walks past Buffy. Riley: “She means it, you know.” Buffy: “Yeah. I got the impression she wasn’t saying it to make me laugh.” Riley: “You’ve got to be aware your work’s taken a little down turn lately. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen your hand up.” Buffy: “Does stretching count?” Riley: “Look, things get pretty intense Freshmen year, - as I dimly recall. Too much fun or not enough?” Buffy after a b*at: “Both actually.” Riley hands her the assignments: “Yeah, well, you just got to keep your priorities. Prof. Walsh is worth your time.” Buffy: “Thanks, I’ll get this done tonight.” Riley: “Tonight. It’s Halloween! What, your not going to dress up and go party?” Buffy: “I have a lot of work to do.” Riley: “I may be out of line here, and it’s not really my business, but - you seem like the kind of person that makes things really hard on themselves. Halloween isn’t a night for responsibility. It’s when the ghosts and goblins come out.” Buffy: “That’s actually a misnomer.” Riley: “Well, I didn’t mean real ones. (Buffy smiles and looks down) But, hey, there is some good scary fun to be had on campus tonight.” Buffy: “Yeah? What are you doing?” Riley: “Well, I’m going to sit here and grade papers.” Buffy turns to go: “Scary.” Riley: “Very.” Buffy: “Well, thanks for the pep talk, coach.” Riley: “Don’t make fun. I worked long and hard to get this pompous.” Buffy: “No, I mean it.” Riley after a b*at: “You’re welcome.” Buffy smiles and walks out while Riley looks after her. Cut to the Alpha Delta Fraternity house. A guy is painting the symbol from the book onto the floor. Oz and Xander carry in a speaker. 3.Guy: “Okay, watch your step, boys. Paint’s still wet in a few spots.” 2.Guy: “Thanks for the loan, man. Our sound system sucks.” Oz: “Mi casio es su casio.” Xander points at the pentagram: “Well, that’s an interesting little design. What does it mean?” 3.Guy: “No - clue. I got it out of this book. There is a lot of really cool stuff about...” Xander spots a bowl on a table: “Ooh, grapes! (Picks up a grape) Wow, peeled. You guys know how to spoil your guests.” 2.Guy: “Eyeballs, man. Blindfold chicks and have them stick their hands in the bowl and tell them it’s eyeballs. They love that.” Xander: “And here I was wasting time buying them flowers and complimenting them on their shoes. So, you go through the whole house of horrors downstairs and it ends up here. Sweet. You fratly guys have a nice setup.” 2.Guy: “Hey, mighty, mighty Alpha Delts. You should think about pledging.” Oz: “Oh, Xander is a civilian.” 2.Guy: “Ah! Townie, huh? Didn’t know. He looked so normal. You sure we should let him come to the party, Oz?” Xander: “Hey, standing right here.” Scary sound effects start to play loudly. Oz looks at the speakers unhappily. 2.Guy: “Cranking.” Xander looks at Oz: “You’re sensing a disturbance in the force, master?” Oz pulls out a folding pocketknife: “Ah, the left speaker is crackling a little bit.” Xander: “And you feel s*ab it is the proper solution?” Oz: “I’m just going to trim the wire. It might be a short.” Xander nods and turns away. Oz straightens up: “Ah!” Xander: “Oz?” Oz: “Cut myself. It’s okay.” He walks over shaking his hand. Some blood drops on the symbol on the floor. Xander: “Playing with knives, fun, yes, but not safe. And when you bleed to death I’ve got dibs on your equipment.” A ripple runs over the symbol, but no one notices one of the plastic spiders at its edge coming alive and crawling away. Cut to Joyce altering a red cape on her sewing machine. Buffy: “Thanks again for doing this at the last minute.” Joyce: “I’m just glad I could find it. There. Try it now. I let down the hem and loosened it a little around the hood.” Buffy puts it on: “Oh, it feels better. (Joyce smiles at her) Oh, no. Someone is getting nostalgic face.” Joyce: “I’m sorry. I’m thinking about the little girl who wore that. What is it? Five? Six years ago.” Buffy: “Yeah, little red riding hood was the cutting edge in costumes.” Joyce laughs: “Your father *loved* to take you out.” Buffy: “He was such a pain! 12 years old and I can’t go trick-or-treating by myself?” Joyce: “He just wanted to keep you safe.” Buffy: “No, he wanted the candy. I was just the beard.” Joyce: “Oh, that’s not true actually. The candy was for me. - Your father loved spending time with you.” Buffy looks down: “Not enough, I guess.” Joyce: “Buffy.” Buffy: “Oh, that just paved right over memory lane, huh?” Joyce: “Our divorce had nothing to do with you.” Buffy swallows: “I don’t know. – I’m starting to feel like there is a pattern here. – Open your heart to someone, and he bails on you. Maybe it’s easier to just not let anyone in.” Joyce gets up: “I thought it might be easier. You must have noticed that I am not exactly the social butterfly I was when I was with your dad. I don’t think I made a single new friend the year we moved to Sunnydale.” Buffy: “Why not?” Joyce: “Fear. I didn’t believe I could trust anyone again. It’s taken time and a lot of effort, but I’ve got a nice circle of friends now. - I mean, don’t get me wrong. I – I’m still a little g*n shy. It certainly didn’t help that my last boyfriend turned out to be a homicidal robot. (Sits down next to Buffy) I will *always* be here for you. And you got Mr. Giles and your friends. (Buffy looks at her) Believe me, there is nothing to be afraid of.” Cut to students in costumes toilet papering some trees. Cut to Willow in Joan of Arc costume. Willow on the phone: “No, I just meet you at your place. – Yeah, Buffy said she was coming but I haven’t seen her. We have to make sure she has fun. We have to force fun upon her. And if Parker shows up we just - ax-m*rder him. That’s halloweeny! Okay, I’ll see you in a little bit.” Willow hangs up the phone and goes into the hallway. It’s full of college kids in costumes. Tall black guy in drag wearing a blond wig comes up to her: “Willow, you’ve got to stop by the room.” Willow: “I’m late for a battle or I would. I love your outfit though.” Willow walks by a red lobster talking to a girl dressed like a present. Lobster: “There is nothing going on here.” Present: “I saw you flirting with her!” Lobster: “Do we have to do this every time? I love you, you know that!” Cut to the haunted house. It’s in full swing. 2.Guy leads a blindfolded girl to the bowl of peeled grapes: “Okay, Rach, what’s in the next one?” Rachel: “You guys are sick!” 2.Guy: “Here, give me your hand.” Rachel with her hand in the bowl: “This is gross.” 2.Guy: “Eyeballs, Rachel, they’re eyeballs! Muahaha!” Rachel giggles takes her blindfold of and looks at what she’s picked up out of the bowl. She is holding eyeballs. Screams. Cut to Buffy, dressed like little red riding hood, is standing with a basket in her hands. Xander walks up behind her wearing a tux. Xander: “Hey, Red. What you got in the basket, little girl?” Buffy: “w*apon.’ Xander: “Oh.” Buffy: “Just in case. Like the tux, Xander.” Xander: “Bond. James Bond. Insurance, you know, in case we get turned into our costumes again. I’m going for cool, secret agent guy.” Buffy: “I hate to break it to you, but you’ll probably end up cool head waiter guy.” Xander: “As long as I’m cool and wield some kind of power.” They meet up with Willow and Oz. Buffy: “Will. Medieval Will.” Xander: “Hail, ye olde – vareletty – thou.” Willow: “I’m Joan of Arc. I figured we had a lot in common, seeing as how - I was almost b*rned at the stake, and plus she had - that close relationship with God.” Xander to Oz: “And you are?” Oz pulls his jacket open to reveal a nametag with ‘God’ on it. Xander as they walk on together: “Of course. I wish I’d thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could have been God.” Oz: “Blasphemer.” Two of the commando guys wearing ski masks and carrying g*n step out of the bushes in front of them. Buffy: “Nice costumes. Very stealthy.” Willow: “What are they supposed to be?” Oz: “NATO?” Xander: “Oh, yeah, I, ah, invited Anya to join us, but she’s having some trouble finding a scary costume, so she’s just going to meet us there.” Buffy: “Perfect, everybody’s got a date but third-wheel Buffy.” Willow: “You’re not a third wheel.” Xander: “Technically speaking you’re a fifth wheel.” Willow pushes him aside impatiently and puts an arm around Buffy: “We’re going to have the best time.” Cut to the inside of the haunted house. All the kids are running around, screaming. There are strobe lights going, given everything a creepy look. A voice rumbles: “Release me!” Cut to Buffy and Co. walking up to the house. Cut to the kids running and screaming. Cut to Willow and Oz smiling and holding hands as they walk up to the door. Oz turns around in front of the door: “Let the horrors begin.” Cut to 2.Guy running down a corridor: “God, help me!” He falls down the steps and lands in a lifeless heap at the bottom. Voice rumbles: “Release me!” Cut to Buffy and Co. entering the silent haunted house. Xander: “The joint’s not jumping. Where is everybody?” Mechanical laughter comes from a head with one eye hanging from its socket sitting in a punch bowl on a table next to the door. Oz: “Follow the signs.” Buffy looks at the severed head: “Terrifying. If I were Abbott and Costello this would be fairly traumatic.” Willow walks into a cobweb decorating a doorway and screams: “Uh, ah! Cobweb! (Pulls it off of her) Okay that part was realistic.” Oz: “Frat boys aren’t too obsessive with their cleaning. Might not be decoration per se.” The plastic skeleton with the Kn*fe swings out at Xander and he jumps. Xander panting: “I wasn’t scared, I was in the spirit.” Willow: “And we back you up on that. Even if they question us separately.” Oz looks back at Willow and notices a real tarantula on her shoulder. Willow sees what he is looking at and screams: “Uh, get it off!” Oz brushes at it the checks her over: “It is gone.” Willow: “Okay, that is not sanitary!” Buffy: “Yeah, lets get to the party part of the – party.” Willow to Oz: “Are you sure it’s off?” Oz as they follow Buffy: “Yeah.” They walk into a room and Buffy bends down to examine a spot on the carpet. Oz: “I thought this led to...” Xander to Buffy: “What is it?” Buffy looks at the stain on her fingers: “Blood. (Smells her fingers) Real blood.” Xander: “Okay, actual creeps have been given. (Loudly) Bravo, frat boys!” Buffy stands up: “Shh! Do you hear something? Like a - squeaking noise?” Xander: “Oh, it’s these rented shoes, patent leather. I asked the guy to...” Willow: “No, no, I – wait. It’s something else. I hear it, too. Something like...” They all slowly look up at the ceiling. It’s covered with real bats. All of them scream and cover their heads as the bats suddenly drop down and fly off down the hall. Oz walks over and picks up a bat that is laying on the floor. Willow: “No, Oz, don’t it might be...” Oz: “Rubber. It’s made of rubber.” Buffy looks around: “What the hell is going on here?” Xander: “Look, maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s just a neat trick. You know, something done with wires or...” Rumbling voice: “Release me!” Xander: “Or it might be something else.” Cut to Anya walking up to the house wearing a furry, white bunny suit. There is a welcome mat laying in front of a solid wall. Anya: “Where is the door? (Knocks on the wall) Hey! Hello!” She sighs and walks back out to the street. She hears a scream coming from the house and looks up to see a girl banging against one of the upper story windows. Girl: “Help me! Help me!” The stones surrounding the window suddenly expand to cover it up. Anya turns to go: “Xander!” Cut to Buffy and Co. walking back into the entrance room. You can hear all kinds of screams and creepy sound effects. Xander: “Where is the stairs?” Willow: “Where is the door?” Buffy: “This is the way we came in, right? We just went in a circle? (The sound effects cut off as Oz flips a switch) Thank the lord!” Oz: “You’re welcome.” Willow: “Hey, I have a neat idea: lets get out of here!” Buffy: “And you were so anxious for me to come.” Willow: “I’m serious, Buffy. We don’t know what we’re dealing with.” Xander: “My turn. Does anyone hear that?” Buffy: “As soon as we start dealing with it I’ll know what it is we’re dealing with. Do you hear something?” Xander: “Like I said. Sounds like a hissing.” Buffy puts down her basket: “It’s like a ‘ssss’ noise?” Xander: “I thought the word hissing kind of covered that nicely.” Buffy pulls open the door to a closet. There is a guy in there rocking back and forth. Chaz: “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” Oz crouches down in front of him: “Chaz.” Chaz: “I didn’t know.” Oz: “What’s happening?” Chaz rocking harder: “It ah...” Buffy impatiently: “What is it?” Chaz: “It’s alive. It’s alive.” Cut to the plastic skeleton. Cut to the Kn*fe in its hand. As the camera pans back up the bones are suddenly real. There is an eyeball in one of its sockets. It straightens its head and looks at the camera. Cut to Buffy: “What’s alive?” Xander: “He’s in shock.” Buffy: “Chaz, what happened here?” Chaz looks up and screams as he sees the skeleton come up and s*ab at Buffy’s shoulder from behind. Buffy turns and knocks its head aside then kicks it in the middle. It lies back to land on the ground, once again plastic. Buffy stares at it then checks her shoulder. Buffy: “I think the cape took most of it.’ Xander: “Let me see.” Oz: “Could need stitches. You should at least get a bandage or something.” We hear a girl scream and Chaz crawls back into the closet and closes the door. Oz: “Cowering in a closet is starting to seem like a reasonable plan.” Buffy looks back over her shoulder: “What closet? (There is only a blank wall) I’m gonna make my way upstairs and see if there are any people up there. (Picks up her basket) You guys find a way out of the house and use it.” Willow: “You’re telling us to run away and leave you behind?” Buffy pulls a loaded crossbow out: “We need help. We need the only person that can make sense of what’s happening.” Cut to Giles sitting with his bowl of candy, looking bored. There is an insistent knock on the door and he gets up. Giles swallows his candy: “Just a minute! - Coming! (Opens the door) Happy Hall...” Anya walks past him: “Xander is in trouble. We’ve got to do something, right now!” Giles stares at her with his mouth hanging open: “Anya.” Anya: “Are you listening? Xander is trapped!” Giles: “Uh, ah, where is Buffy and the others?” Anya: “They’re trapped, too, but we’ve got to save Xander!” Giles takes off his sombrero and sits down: “Slow down. I need you to be more specific.” Anya: “Uhm, ah, we were supposed to meet at this house, and I got there and there was no door where a door should be. And then I see this girl standing in a window, and then poof! She’s gone.’ Giles: “She vanished from the window?” Anya: “No, the window vanished from the house.” Giles: “Hmm. Matter and reality distortion. (Goes and pulls a book from his shelf) Like a summoning spell’s temporal flux.” Anya: “What?” Giles: “Hmm? Oh, never mind. I just need to get some - supplies together. (Looks over at Anya) I wouldn’t worry about Xander. At least he’s amongst friends.” Cut to Buffy: “Will, I’m telling you...” Willow: “You’re telling me? You’re telling me?!?” Buffy: “I can’t do my job if I have to worry about each of your safety.” Willow: “It’s not your decision!” Buffy: “Got to disagree with you there.” Willow: “Oh, of course you do.” Xander: “Let’s all take a breath. Buffy, maybe...” Willow: “Being the Slayer doesn’t automatically make you boss. You’re as lost as the rest of us.” Oz: “What are we talking about?” Willow: “It’s a simple incantation, a guiding spell for travelers when they become lost or disoriented.” Buffy: “And how does it work?” Willow: “It conjures an emissary from the beyond that – lights the way.” Buffy: “Conjuring. Will, let’s be realistic here. Okay, your basic spells are usually only fifty-fifty.” Willow upset: “Oh yeah? Well, - so is your face!” Willow walks off while Buffy tries to figure out what that meant: “What?! (Walks after Willow) What does that mean?” Willow turns around: “I’m not your sidekick!” Willow stomps out. Oz runs after her. Buffy stands there and sighs. Xander: “Well, that was a bunch of laughs. (Buffy walks past him back to her basket) Look, Buffy, we are all tired and a *little* edgy. Maybe Willow is over reacting. I’m sure part of it is because of how you’ve been ‘pushing away’ girl lately. (Buffy picks up her crossbow, ignoring him totally) But now is not the time to let that stuff tear us apart. (Buffy turns to go) What I’m saying is, I’m right with ya. I’m right by your side. I’m...” Buffy looks around: “Xander?” Xander: “Funny how you still haven’t lost your sense of inappropriate humor.” Buffy turns around looking right through him: “Xander, where did you go?” Xander: “Buffy, knock it off. Skit’s over. I’m right here.” Buffy stomps off down the hall: “This is so *typical* of him!” Xander: “Typical?” Buffy down the hall: “Xander?” Xander follows her after a b*at: “Buffy!” Xander walks into a room lit by candles. The walls are covered with cobwebs. Xander: “Buff?” Pan back down the corridor. Willow: “She thinks I’m not ready to be a full blown witch! I can handle the dark forces as good as anyone else. It’s not that hard. I-It’s just a guiding spell and I’m careful and all.” Oz looks around the room they just walked into: “This floor used to have windows.” Willow: “Look. We found the stairs. (Starts walking up) Buffy didn’t find the stairs, no sir!” Oz following Willow up the stairs: “You guys aren’t thinking clearly.” He looks down at his hands. They are hairy and his fingernails look more like claws. Willow in upstairs corridor: “We just need to get up to the goat room and maybe we can...” Oz: “Willow, something is happening.” Willow turns back to him: “Something good? (Sees that he is turning into a werewolf) Oh, no – not good.” Oz: “I’m changing.” Willow: “But – but you can’t! There is no moon tonight.” Oz: “I have to get away.” Willow: “No, we need to find something to restrain you, like a rope or chains, or something.” Oz: “There is no time!” Willow: “I can do the guiding spell. I know I can make it work!” Oz: “Will, please.” Willow tries to grab him: “No!” Oz bats her hand away with a growl: “NO!” Willow looks down at the three red scratches on the back of her hand. Oz turns and runs off. Willow: “Oz! – Oz, don’t leave me!” We get several quick sh*ts of different empty parts of the house with Willows voice echoing: “Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me!” Cut to Xander walking up to a mirror: “There I am. I didn’t go anywhere. (He looks at his reflection in the mirror. We can see a decapitated head with one eyeball hanging from its socket sitting on a dresser behind him) Great. Now I just have to live with the fact that no one else can see me.” The head begins to jiggle, blood runs from its eye sockets. Xander spins around and stares at it. Head: “I can see you.” Xander runs off. Camera pans down a corridor to reveal Oz sitting in a bathtub repeating over and over: “You’re not going to change. You’re not going to change.” Camera pans over some old pictures covered with cobwebs, comes up behind Buffy walking down a corridor. She hears a noise and spins around, crossbow at the ready, but there is nothing there. Cut to Willow sitting at a table: “Okay, Aradia, Goddess of the lost, the path is murky, the woods are dense, darkness pervades, I beseech thee, bring the light. (She opens her eyes and smiles as she sees a tiny speck of light floating in front of her face) Woah! I did it! I did you. Hi! - Right, you’re waiting for instructions. Lead me to Oz. (The speck of light starts to float past her, and Willow gets up) Wait! I should try to find the people trapped upstairs first. (Willow looks down and doesn’t see that there are now two then three sparks) But even if I get them we still need to find a way out of the house. (They spark keep multiplying) Okay, here is what we should do. (Sees the cloud of sparks) Hey! What’s going on? (The sparks start to circle her) Stop! (Willow starts to bat at them as they start to buzz around her like a cloud of mosquitoes) Stop it! - Get off! - Oz, hel..” Some of the sparks fly into her mouth and she starts coughing, then runs off. The sparks chase after her. Cut to Buffy. She hears Willow yell for help and spins around. She tries to follow Willow’s voice. Buffy: “Willow.” She comes up to a locked door and bust it open. There is no floor in the room behind it and she falls down into the basement. We see her laying on the floor on her back, looking up as the door swings slowly shut. Buffy: “Basement. - I must be in the basement.” Hollow voice: “All alone.” Buffy pushes herself up: “Who said - that?” The guy that fell down the steps walks around a corner with his head tilted at an unnatural angle. Guy: “They all ran away from you. They always will. Open your heart to someone and (Smiles at her) – But don’t fret, little girl, you’re not alone (Buffy screams as arms burst up through the floor to grab at her) anymore.” Cut to Buffy struggling against the d*ad people coming up through the floor trying to pull her down. Cut to Giles and Anya standing in front of the house. Giles is running a hand over the place where the door used to be, holding an open book in his other hand. Anya is bouncing impatiently: “Well?’ Giles: “We’re gonna have to create a door.” He closes the book and walks over to his bag. Anya: “Create a door. You can do that?” Giles gets up with a chainsaw in his hands: “I can.” Cut to Buffy fighting the d*ad people. Broken neck guy: “No matter how hard you fight, you just end up in the same place. (Buffy crawls along the floor on all fours, kicking at the guys following her) I don’t see why you bother.” Buffy reaches a small door, goes through and slams it shut behind her. She is in the big room with the pentagram on the floor. Buffy: “I’m upstairs. The goat room.” She slowly walks into the room. There are college kids in costumes cowering all along the walls, whimpering. Buffy looks at a boy cowering in a corner: “Oz?” Willow comes running into the room waving her arms around: “Get them off me! Get them off me! (Oz looks at his normal hands then up at her) Get’em off! Get’em off!” Oz takes a hold of her: “Willow, Willow, Willow, what’s wrong?” Willow: “Couldn’t get them off..” Oz: “It’s okay. It’s okay. (Pulls her into his arms) We’re okay.” Buffy shakes her head: “We’re not okay. We need to get out of here.” Xander: “I’d offer *my* opinion but you jerks aren’t gonna hear it anyway. (Buffy walks over to where he is rocking back and forth on the edge of a chair) Not that ‘didn’t go to college’ boy has anything important to say. I might as well hang out my new best friend, bleeding dummy head, for all you dorks care.” Buffy yells: “What is wrong with you?” Xander gets up: “You – you heard that? You – you can see me? (Buffy nods) Good. Oh, God, good!” Oz: “The house separated us. It wanted to scare us.” Willow: “But - we got away.” Buffy: “No. We were brought here. We all got so scared that we ended up here. – Why?” Xander points at the pentagram on the floor: “I saw them painting that. They were copying it out of (Looks around and spots the open book on a table) that!” Willow take the book from him: “I think it’s Gaelic.” Buffy: “Can you translate?” Rumbling voice: “Release me! (They all look around but there is nothing there) Release me!” Buffy: “Will, give me something.” Willow: “Okay, uhm, uhm, the icon’s called the-the Mark of Gachnar. I-I think this is a summoning spell for something called..” Xander: “Gachnar?” Willow: “Well, yes. Somehow the beginning of the spell must have been triggered. Uhm, Gachnar is trying to manifest itself, to-to come into being.” Buffy: “How?” Willow: “I-it feeds on fear.” Buffy: “Our fears are manifesting it. We’re feeding it. We need to stop.” Xander: “If we’re close our eyes and say it’s a dream it’ll s*ab us to death! These things are real.” Rumbling voice: “Release me!” Buffy: “Okay, so our fears are feeding it, if we get everyone out of here..” The walls start knocking and shaking. Xander: “Good plan. Lets go!” Walks towards the door. He screams when it burst open to reveal Giles with the running chainsaw in his hands. Giles turns off the saw. Xander: “Giles? Everyone, it’s Giles! With a *chainsaw*. (Anya runs in and hugs Xander) Glad you could make it.” Giles: “The walls closed up behind us. (Walks over and takes a look at Willow’s book) Gachnar, of course. It’s presence infects the reality of the house, but it’s not managed to achieve full manifestation. We can not allow this to come into being.” Buffy: “But if it does I can fight it, right?” Giles walks over and shows her a picture in the book: “Buffy, this is Gachnar.” Buffy: “I *don’t* want to fight that. So, we break the spell.” Xander: “What ever we do, lets do it fast.” Giles flipping pages: “I have it, I have it. Uhm, ‘The summoning spell for Gachnar can be shut down in one of two ways. Destroying the mark of Gachnar (Buffy walks over to the mark and puts her fist through it, ripping up the floorboards. Gets up and looks over at Giles with a proud smile) – Is *not* one of them and will in fact immediately bring forth the fear demon itself.” Buffy makes a face and looks at the mark that’s beginning to glow. Willow: “Look!” The floor rumbles as they all stare in horror. We get a close up of Gachnar, and he’s one ugly dude. Gachnar looks up and the camera pulls back to reveal that he is tiny, maybe a half a foot tall, if that. Buffy: “This is Gachnar?” Xander: “Big overture. Little show.” Gachnar: “I am the dark lord of nightmares! (Buffy tries not to laugh) The bringer of terror! Tremble before me. Fear me!” Willow laughing: “He – he’s no cute!” Gachnar: “Tremble!” Xander bends down: “Who’s a little fear demon? Come on! Who’s a little fear demon!” Giles: “Don’t taunt the fear demon.” Xander: “Why, can he hurt me?” Giles: “No, it’s just – tacky. Be that as it may, Buffy, when it comes to slaying...” Buffy: “Size doesn’t matter?” Gachnar: “They’re all going to abandon you, you know.” Buffy: “Yeah, Yeah.” We get a sh*t of Buffy’s huge foot as she stomps down and squishes the fear demon. Cut to the g*ng digging into Giles Halloween candy at his house. Oz: “Some quality treats here, Giles.” Giles: “*Please*, finish them.” Buffy: “Uhm, this is much better. There is no problem that can not be solved with chocolate.” Willow leans back crossing her arms over her stomach: “I think I’m going to barf.” Buffy: “Except that.” Xander stares at Anya while he’s eating his candy. Anya: “What?” Xander: “That’s your scary costume?” Anya: “Bunnies frighten me.” Giles: “Oh, bloody hell. The inscription!” Buffy: “What’s the matter?” Giles comes over to show her the book: “I should have translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar.” Buffy looks at it: “What’s it say?” Giles: “Actual size.” After a b*at Buffy shrugs and closes the book. BLACK OUT

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x04 - Fear Itself"}

foreverdreaming

Night in a graveyard. Buffy is fighting with a vampire while Parker is lying on the ground. Parker: Buffy? Buffy: Parker? Stay down. She continues to fight the vamp while two other vampires grab Parker and start hauling him away. Parker: Buffy! Buffy runs to Parker's rescue, knocking away the two vamps with high kicks and fighting all three at the same time. Eventually she dusts all three vamps. Parker walks up to her holding his arm. Parker: Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life Buffy: It's nothing. Parker: It's everything. You're everything. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me. Do you think one day you might . Girl (giggling) Noooo. Cut to Prof. Walsh's Psyche class. A girl is giggling beside Parker while Buffy watches behind them. Prof. Walsh: These are the things we want. Simple things. Comfort, sex, shelter, food. We always want them and we want them all the time. The id doesn't learn it doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have and it has the superego telling it what it should want. But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It wants. Whatever social skills you've learned, however much we've evolved, the pleasure principal is at work in all of us. So, how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want? Cut back to the graveyard scene again. Buffy stakes all the vamps. Parker: Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life. We see that Parker now has a bouquet of flowers and ice cream in his hand Parker: Can you ever forgive me? Cut to commercial Cut to the campus during the day. Buffy is sitting at a table with Willow studying. Xander holds a lighter up to Buffy. Xander: Rough day? Come on Buff. Be a lonely drunk. Rough day? Buffy: Stop flicking at me. Xander: Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your collegy life. No more looking down o n the townie. I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face Willow: aren't you two young to be a bartender? Xander: Oh contraire, mon frere. Buffy: mon frere means brother Xander: mon girlfrere. Behold (holds up a fake id) Behold. Willow: I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up. Xander: What gives it away? Willow: looking at it. Xander: Well no one's going to see it anyway. Now I'm the bartender. I kick people out Buffy: You know there's more to it than wiping and kicking. Mixing drinks for instance. Xander: Well, I've seen cocktail. I can do the hippy-hippy shake. Buffy: Well, even if I've had a pretend cigarette I couldn't tell you my pretend problems. The real ones have clogged up my headspace. Xander: ooh unload em right here baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it? Shutting up now. Willow: I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend whose left me with no place to live. No food except this bottle of wild turkey which I drank all up. Xander looks confused Willow: That was me being t*nk and friendless for ya. Xander: Gets my Oscar nod Buffy: You know what? It's classtime. Xander: So are you going to come by tonight to the pub? Willow: Oz. Bronze. Date. Buffy: You know maybe, maybe he's just having trouble dealing. I mean, don't guys sometimes put the girl they really, really like inside these deep little brain fantasy bubbles where everything's perfect? They do that right? Xander: How's that fugue state coming along Willow: Parker. Buffy: Maybe I'm in his bubble and then pretty soon he's going to realize that he wants more than just bubble Buffy and he'll pop me out and we'll go to dinner and it could happen right? Willow: Buffy. And as my best friend you need to stop thinking about Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. Xander: Nothing can defeat the penis! Too loud, very unseemly. Willow: I mean, I'm sorry do be so course but I feel strongly about stinky Parker man Buffy: He can be really sweet. I'm telling you I think he had intimacy problems because of the death of his father. Willow: Not interested. You got troubles, tell em to the bartender. Xander: That's right. Cause the bartender's always ready to listen. Cut to the pub: Xander: What? What? Okay and you had a rum and coke, and you had a poker's light. And a vodka on the rocks. And a water. Is that right? Customer one (boy): Do I have to write it down for you. A glass of ice water. A simple request? Ice water. Customer two (girl): a cold ale, a Canadian lager, a glass of white wine. And a daiquiri Xander: Ice water, right. Do you want that on the rocks? Buffy walks in and sees Parker talking to a girl. She walks right into Riley, spilling his drink on him. Buffy: Oooh. Riley, I'm so sorry. Riley: That's okay you know, but most people go around. I'm not saying you can't go through me, It's just that the other is much quicker. Buffy: In my defense you do take up a lot of space. Riley: I do. I'm (?). You looking for someone? Buffy: Um, I just saw Parker over there. Riley: right. Parker and his latest conquest. You know that boy should have (?) Buffy: he's kinda a girl chaser huh? Riley: sets em up and knock's em down. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned but my father says that if you wanna be a gentleman you (Sees that she's ignoring him) Riley: don't even care what my father says. Buffy: I'm sorry what? Riley: forget about it. You know I've got some people waiting. I'll see you in class right? Riley leaves. Buffy sees Parker and the girl making out and goes to leave. Cut to Xander at the bar. Two girls are talking. Xander flicks his cigarette lighter at a one of the girls. Xander: Rough Day? Girl: Nay, it's been super. We accepted Melody's pledge. And made her an official sister of Beta Delta Gamma. And our pins arrived today. I designed it myself. Xander: You are so sharp. Guy: Hey Paula. You keeping this fine bartender from his duty? A man's gotta make a living. Xander: s'all right. Guy: So the guys and I are about to celebrate Xander: Uh, I said it was all right. I'm due for a break. Guy: Oh, so what were you discussing. Maybe we could all join. Paula: Be nice Guy: What? Xander: ah, forget it. Guy: Oh, no I rudely interrupted and it sounds like the two of you were having quite the meeting of minds. Possibly debating the geopolitical ramifications of bioengineering. You got a take on that? Xander: I've got beer. You want some beer. Guy: Yeah, a pitcher of Black Frost. You see I think we have a perfect venue here for conducting a little sociometry. A bi-polar continuum of attraction and rejection. No given your sociological statuses. I foresee a B rejects A dyad. I'm sorry, lemme clarify. You see, we are the future of this country and you keep our bowl of peanuts full. We are what these girls want. And uh, four glasses. Xander: How's about I see some ID cause you're not seeing a drop until I'm satisfied that Bartender: Just give em a beer (Xander pours a pitcher for them and leaves) Cut to Buffy sitting alone at the bar. Xander sees her and comes over. Xander: Buffy? Rough day? Wanna tell me about it? Buffy: It's just . Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get enough of it. And knew it. I knew what he was. If he were tied and gagged and left in a cave that vampires happen to frequent it wouldn't really be like I k*lled him really Xander: Buffy Buffy: I'm a slut Xander: No Buffy: Idiot Xander: No. You gotta stop being so hard on. Bartender: Hey Xander: Sorry, so sorry. Buffy: I'm better. This has helped. Xander: Do NOT go anywhere. She gets up to leave when a guy bumps into her. Buffy: Oh, oh. I'm so sorry I just keep running into people today. Guy #2: I can't imagine anybody minding. You're not thinking about leaving are you? Because we have a strict policy against you leaving. At least until you've had a drink. Guy #1: Yeah, well what my friend is just saying is you shouldn't be sad and alone right now. I mean you're a very beautiful girl who should be covered with men. And, could we be those men? It's on us. Buffy sees Parker leaving with the girl. She smiles at the guys and takes a beer from them. Cut to the Bronze. Oz is walking through the crowd with two drinks in his hands. Willow is sitting at a table. Oz: Hey. You got a table. Willow: I had to k*ll a man. Oz: Well, it's a really good table Willow: I copied out my notes for Psyche since you were so elsewhere this morning. Oz: Thanks Willow: It's really pretty simple stuff. You know, just what's the matter. Oz: I dunno. I feel It's nothing. They look at the stage where Veruca appears and starts singing. Oz is entranced and Willow notices. It seems like Veruca is singing right to Oz. Willow: We could go back to your place. I could make you soup. Oz: No. That's okay I'm fine. Thanks. They continue watching the band. Willow is getting uncomfortable. Willow: Do you know her? Oz: Veruca? No. I know their drummer. He's cool. I've never heard them play. Things get more intense. Oz is mesmerized by Veruca. Cut to the pub. Buffy is chugging a beer Guys: Chug, chug, chug, chug Buffy finishes the beer and burps Guy #1: The thing that the modern day (?) failed to realize is that all the socio-echonomical and psychological problems inherent in modern society can be solved by the judicious application of way too much beer Guy #2: Black frost is the only beer. Buffy: My mother always said that beer was evil Guy #1: Evil. Good. These are moral absolutes that predate the absolution of malt and fine hops. You see, wait where was I? Buffy: I'm really not sure: Guy#4: Well, Thomas Equines and (all the other guys stop him saying “NO”) Guy #2: There will be no Thomas Equines at this table. Guy#3: Keep your theology of providence to yourself frat boy Guy#4: I was just drawing a parallel between Guy#1: Beer. Had the earliest morality developed under the influence of beer there would be no good or evil. There would just be kinda nice and pretty cool. Everything would be different. Buffy: You guys really like to hear yourselves speak don't ya Guy#1: Alright we're losing her guys Guy #2: Say something i8nteresting. Guy #3: Tell us about yourself Guy#2: Yeah, what do you like. Buffy: Well, I don't hate this for a start. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room the next day. Willow walks in from the bathroom with a towel over her shoulder and her bath stuff in hand. She seems upset. Willow: My name's Veruca. I'm in a band. I'm Oz, I'm in a band too. Oh, and this is Willow. Oh, how fun and creepy. Groovy. Buff, have you heard of this Veruca chick? Dresses like Faith, voice like an albatross. Buffy: (watching MTV) TV is a good thing. Bright colours. Music. Tiny little people. Willow: What did you do with Buffy Buffy: I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness Willow: You didn't. Not with Parker again. Buffy: No, with four really smart guys. Willow: Four? Oh. Ow. Oh Buffy, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it? Buffy: I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came beer. Willow: And then group sex? Buffy: (Hits her) Gutter face. No! Just lots and lots of beer. It's nice. Foamy. Comforting. It's just beer. Willow: Drowning your troubles over Parker. Mind frying man! He deserves a slow and torturous death by spiderbites. Well, for today we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class. Buffy: Okay. (Gets up to leave in her pjs) Willow: Uh (stops her) getting dressed would be fun to. Cut to Prof. Walsh's class: Prof. Walsh: Next class we'll be moving on to personality types and disorders. For those of you who have done the reading you already know (sees Buffy's hand up) yes? Buffy: She read the reading. Prof. Walsh: well, she'll have some time on her hands. As I was saying. We won't be able to cover it all in the class but that doesn't mean it isn't work knowing and it doesn't mean it won't be on the mid-term. Now, if I've been unclear in any way. Speak now. (Buffy sees a girl eating a sandwich and she grabs it out of her hands and starts to eat it) Willow: Buffy! Buffy are you okay? Prof. Walsh: Good. Now before you go. Make sure you get the complete worksheet from the TA. Based on that do (?) and hand them to me at the start of the class on Monday. Buffy: (with her mouth full) Yeah, why wouldn't I be. Cut to a lab where someone is brewing something in beakers. We see a glove turn a knob and fluid run down a tub into a vat of Black Frost beer (what Buffy was drinking the night before). Cut to commercial. Cut to pub that night. Buffy is watching Guy#1 pour beer into her glass Buffy: This good. Ooh, good enough. Guy#1: Still more is good. Buffy: yeah. Foamy. Guy#3: You should come to our class on big thinking. It's good. (They all laugh. Cut to Xander at the bar. A girl approaches with a cigarette) Girl: Boy, I'm having the worst day. You got a light? Xander points to a no-smoking sign Guy#1: I like girls Buffy: You stupid Guy#1: No, you stupid Buffy: smelly head Guy#1 pushes Guy#2 over. They all laugh and Xander looks on kinda concerned. Cut to the dorm. Oz walks up to Willow as she comes out of her room Oz: Willow. Hey. I tried calling Willow: Yeah, I've been up at the library. How are you feeling? Oz: What do you mean? Willow: well, you weren't in class. Again. Oz: Yeah, I was practicing. Hey Shy's playing again tonight Willow: Shy? Oz: yeah, Veruca's band and they asked me to sit in with them. It would be kinda cool if you were there. Willow: Two Veruca shows in two nights. Are you sure you wanna share your groupie? I think I'm gonna study. Because of the fun. Oz: well, yeah I guess how I could see it be dull for ya. (There's an uncomfortable silence between them and Oz looks confused at Willow being so distant and cold) Willow: See ya (she turns around and leaves) Oz: Yeah. (He looks hurt and leaves) Cut to the pub. Everyone is gone but the group Buffy is will Guy#1: Stupid Guy#2: No, you stupid. Buffy: No you. (They all laugh) Xander puts some music on the jukebox. Buffy: You (they all laugh) Buffy: Hey! She runs over to him and looks confused. She bangs on the jukebox and laughs Buffy: thing. Like it. Xander: It's time to go home Buffy Buffy: Want more singing. Want more beer Xander: No, I've cut you off. Buffy: did it hurt Xander: Out you go. Xander picks her up and starts carrying her to the door. She struggles. Final she walks to the door with him. Buffy: Ow, oh, want beer. Like beer. Beer good. Xander: Beer Bad. Bad, bad beer. What the hell am I saying? Buffy, go home and go to bed. Buffy: Say bye (pushes him) Xander: Bye Buffy: Bye (she leaves) Guy#1: Hey, where'd girl go? Cut to another part of the pub. Willow walks in and sees Parker stirring coffee. She approaches him. Parker: Hey. Did you want something? Willow: Yes. I wanted to give you a piece of my mind. I'm tired of you men and your manness. Buffy's really hurting right now. In fact she's in need of a big mental tidy. Parker how could you do this to her? Parker: Oh, I don't get what you mean. What did I do? Willow: She shared something very intimate with you. And you act like it's nothing more than a bag of some kind of snack food Parker: Willow, I'm not sure I need to explain my actions here but if that's what you want Willow: Yes followed by an admission of undeniable guilt. But go on. (She sits down with him) Parker: some relationships center on a deep emotional tie. Or a loyal friendship. Or something. But most are just two people passing through life enriching or aggravating each other's lives briefly. Willow: Go on Parker: Just for one night can't two people who feel an attraction come together and create something wonderful? And then go back to their lives the next day better for it but never over analyzing it or wanting it to be more than it was? I have. She should too. Willow: People like Buffy a-and me assume that intimacy means friendship and respect. People shouldn't have to ask first if you're going to be eyeing other prospects tomorrow. Parker: People shouldn't have to preface casual sex with “just so you know I'll never grow any older with you.” It takes the f*re out of it. Willow: Maybe. Parker: Willow, I don't regret what happened. Or what we did. But I am sorry that Buffy's hurting and if I mislead her than I'm sorry for that too I didn't mean to. I'm impressed that you care so much about her. You're a good friend. Cut back to the guys. They are getting more apelike. Xander comes to clean the table and get paid for the drinks. Xander: Alright, time to pay up and go home guys. They throw money at him. Guy#1 leaves to go to the washroom. Xander continues cleaning and picks up a wad of cash from the table. Xander: Let's see, I'll take this one, and this one. And you know I've always had a problem calculating the tip and you guys being so dapper and brain, maybe you can help me out. Okay great. See if your bill comes to thirty-eight dollars and people tip what, approximately thirty percent? That makes you tip what? (One of the guys gives him all the money). You are so smart. This is so the right amount. (Hears banging in the bathroom). Somebody didn't have their fiber today. Hey are you alright in there? Buddy? Guy#1 bursts out of the bathroom. He has become a Neanderthal. He conks Xander over the head with a club. Cut to commercial. Cut to Xander lying down and the Neanderthal guy on top sniffing his unconscious form. Xander slowly wakes up and sees him. Cut to the three other frat guys afraid and backing away. Guy#2: Oh God Guy#3: Let's get outta here! Neanderthal frat Guy#1 yells in Xander's face and Xander yells back. He gets up as the other frat guys begin to devolve into Neanderthals as well. Xander: (jumping up): Hey, hey, easy. We're cool. (They back him into a corner) Help. Oh God. (He pulls out his Zippo lighter and lights it. The Neanderthals are all afraid of the f*re and back away) NG#1: f*re bad. f*re pretty Xander: f*re angry! (They all run away out the door in fear. Xander closes the door behind them and calls his boss) Xander: Jack! Jack! We've got a problem. The guys they they're some of the patrons are turning into cavemen Jack: They've had it comin (he puts some Black Frost beer on the counter) Cut to the campus. The cavemen are running around like apes, jumping into trees and fighting. Cut to the pub: Jack: you know I've been taking abuse from snot nosed kids for twenty years. They're always coming in here with their snotty attitude, drinking their fruity little micro brews and spouting out some philosophy Like it means a damn thing. Thinking they're different than us. Xander: They are now Jack: they ain't. That's the great thing about beer. It makes all men the same. Xander: Why are we talking about beer the guys are the beer. Jack: Neat huh? My brother-in-law's a warlock. He showed me how to do it. Xander: No. No neat. I served them that beer. I served Buffy that beer! Uh, how much beer would you say a person would need to consume before they start seriously questing for f*re? Jack: Relax. It will wear off in a day or so. Xander: In a day or so someone is going to get k*lled. You're a bad, bad man. Cut to outside. The Neanderthals see cars. One stands in the middle of the road and gets h*t by a car. He is seriously injured. The driver jumps out to see if he's okay. Car guy: I didn't see him, is he okay? He sees what they are and runs away in fear. The other cavemen smash the car, then chase some girls down the street while the injured one remains on the street in pain. Cut to Buffy's dorm. Xander and Giles are walking through the halls. Xander: Well, I cut her off before the others so I don't think she had as much to drink. Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer. Xander: I didn't know it was evil Giles: But you knew it was beer Xander: well excuse Mr. “I spent the sixties in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove”. Giles: it was the early seventies and you should know better Xander: I'm not the dad of her. Buffy's a grown up. It wasn't enough to They see Buffy in her room drawing cave pictures on her walls. She looks at them with a wild look and bangs on the picture she has drawn of a man on the wall. Buffy: Parker bad Cut to the pub where Parker and Willow have moved to a couch and are still talking Parker: I don't mean this in a bragging way but I do get to know a lot of women Willow: Well, getting to know people is good. Parker: But I haven't found the one yet. I've yet to find the girl that I can just sit with. Feel totally at ease. Feeling whatever's on my mind. Or even sit with comfortably in silence. Willow, can I tell you something kinda private? Willow: okay, I mean I feel you've shown me a perspective I haven't really thought much about before. What was it you wanted to tell me? Parker: Just that I've enjoyed talking to you. Here. Tonight. Willow: Me too. I mean, with you. You know, I'm wondering something. About you. Parker: What? Willow: Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean with you gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly even to me! You're unbelievable! Parker: What? Willow: This isn't sharing. This isn't connecting. It's the pleasure principle. That's right I got your number ID boy. The only thing you're thinking about is how long you can jump on my bones Parker: Look, if you think that I'm Willow: I mean, you men. It's all about the sex! You find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary just as long as you get the sex. I tell you men haven't changed since the dawn of time. The cavemen break in with the girls in tow Willow: You see? They knock Willow down and h*t Parker with a stick. Cut to Buffy's room again. Giles: fascinating really. (Buffy's going around on a chair and then falls on the floor. She goes to the TV) Buffy: Want people. Where people go? Giles: The TV is off. Buffy: Want! Want people. Giles: She doesn't appear to be in any danger. Maybe you should stay with her. Buffy snifs Xander. Giles: or perhaps she should be left alone. Buffy: Boy smells nice (she grabs him and snifs him) Xander: Yeah, I think we need to track down the fun boys somewhat pronto. Jack said the effects of the beer would wear off Buffy: Beer? Buffy want beer Giles: You can't have beer Buffy gives Giles an evil look Buffy: Want beer Xander: Giles, don't make cave slayer unhappy She fakes a punch at Giles Buffy: Buffy strong Giles: Yes, Buffy strong Buffy: Buffy get beer Giles: Buffy get Buffy tackles him, pushes Xander out of the way and runs out of the room. Xander: Giles! Giles: I'm fine. Just get her Xander: Which way? Giles: Um, check down there. We have to find her before someone gets hurt. Cut back to the pub the caveman have knocked willow out and have made a shambles of the place. There is a f*re spreading. Caveguy#1 is leaning over Willow's unconscious form. Caveguy#1: Woman. Man. Caveguy#2: (waving a stick in the air) Woman! Cut to commercial. Cut to the pub. Caveguys finally realize the pub is on f*re and start to panic, not knowing what to do. Cut to Xander running across campus. Xander: Buffy! Buffy! He spots her and approaches her. She looks confused. Xander: Aha can't find the beer. Good. Freshman girls unable to hold the beer shouldn't have it. Get into trouble. Buffy jumps away from him Xander: Hey, we're good. Remember the boy? Boy smells good yeah? Is there any part of Buffy still in there. Buffy starts to snif. They turn and see smoke Xander: Oh no. Buffy: f*re bad! She runs towards the pub. In the pub the Neanderthals have gathered all the girls in a corner and continue to prance around, not knowing what to do. Buffy breaks in but can't get through the flames. She sees a f*re extinguisher and gets it but is too far gone to know what to do with it so just throws it into the f*re. Then she sees Willow's unconscious form and something clicks inside. She jumps over the flames and to Willow. Xander runs inside. Xander: Buffy?! Xander runs back outside because there is too much smoke Xander: Where the hell is Giles? Cut to Giles talking to a student Giles: Blonde. Um, about this tall. Walks with a sort of a sideways limp. Cut back to the pub. Buffy: Bad. Bad. Buffy sees windows. She jumps up and works her way across some pipes until she can bust the window open. The Neanderthals take cue and start knocking things over so they can make a stairway to the window. They all run out and the girls follow them. Buffy drags Willow out and up to the window where Xander is helping the girls outside Xander: Are you alright? Willow: Buffy's still in there. Back inside Buffy sees Parker. He's awake and coughing. He doesn't see Buffy who is looking at a big stick with a lot of interest. Parker: Oh God. Help me. I can't breathe. (He sees her). Buffy. Oh god, what do we do? Buffy clubs him over the head with a stick. She grabs his arm. Cut to outside the pub. Xander and Giles stand beside a bench where Willow sits and Buffy hovers over her protectively. Xander: Did you guys have enough fun for one night? Willow: Yes. Please. Buffy: Buffy tired. Xander: And was there a lesson in all this huh? What did we learn about beer? Buffy: Foamy Xander: Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think that the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This will give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO ME! Buffy walks up to a van and sees the Neanderthals inside. She bangs on the windows getting their attention. Giles: whose van is that? Xander: I dunno. Wasn't locked. Parker walks up to her alive and well Parker: Buffy. Buffy I I dunno how to say this. I'm sorry for how I treated you before. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry. You were great tonight, really. I might not deserve this but do you think that you could forgive me? Buffy wacks him with the club again and knocks him out. The g*ng gathers around and looks at him. Buffy walks back towards the van but Xander guides her away with the others. The end.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x05 - Beer Bad"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This transcript is merely for those that do not have access to Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the TV. It is not to infringe on any copyrighted material, merely to spread and promote BTVS. Feel free to distribute this, so long as there are no modifications made. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cut to the campus at night. You see a girl running away from a man. They reach a secluded area. We see that is Buffy and a vampire. Buffy : Thanks for the relocate. I perform better without an audience. (She starts beating the crap out of him.)You were thinking, what, a little helpless coed before bed? You know very well, you eat this late... (She stakes him.) You're gonna get heartburn. Get it? Heartburn? (He dusts and gives no reaction.) That's it? That's all I get? One lame-ass vamp with no appreciation for my painstakingly thought-out puns. I don't think the forces of darkness are even trying. I mean, you could make a little effort here, you know? Give me something to work with. Cut to Spike watching her from a distance. Spike : Watch your mouth, little girl. You should know better than to tempt the fates that way. 'Cause the big bad is back, And this time, it's... (Suddenly he's being electorcuted.) Urrgh! Aaaahhh! (The commandos take him away.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cut to Buffy, Willow, Oz and Xander sitting at a table at the Bronze. Willow : The bronze is more fun this year, isn't it? Buffy : 'Cause of the gloating factor alone, you know? We're all about college now. We've got heady discourse. Oz : Yeah. Curfew-free nights of mom and popless hootenanny. Xander : Coed dating prospects who find townies sexy and dangerous. What, I can dream. Buffy : Right. So if college is so great, what are we doing here and why is it more fun? Willow : Because the bronze is nice and familiar. It's like a big comfy blanky. Oz : I was under the impression that I was your big comfy blanky. Willow : Aw, you're my my person blanky. This is my place blanky. You know, with all the shock of the new, it's nice to have one place that you can come back to where everything's predictable. (Giles walks up.) Giles : Hello. Buffy : Giles, trouble? Giles : Oh, no, Buffy. Don't get up. No. Nothing like that. No, I just, you know, I thought I'd drop by. Uh, latte anyone? On me? (Everyone is looking at him in shock.) Buffy : So much for your predictable blanky theory, Will. Sorry. Giles: Splendid. Well, it's ages since I've been to a gig. Well, don't look that way. I'm...I'm...I'm down with the new music. And I have the albums to prove it. Buffy : Yes, but it's your cutting edge 8-tracks that keep you ahead of the scene. Oz : Don't scoff, g*ng. I've seen Giles' collection. He was an animal in his day. Giles : Thank you. Buffy : Hey, why not? If the stones can still keep rolling, why can't Giles? Giles : Exactly. Willow : I think it's brave that you're here. Giles : Well, thank you, all. You've made me feel right at home. Xander : Isn't home that empty place you're trying to escape? Giles : Oh, yeah. Willow : Veruca's playing tonight. Oz : Yeah. Every Wednesday. I told you. Veruca's band Shy is seen on stage. Oz is entranced. Buffy : So, Oz, what about dingoes? When are you guys here again? Oz : (Distractedly.) Oh, we're up next friday. Willow : They're good, aren't they? Oz is still mesmerized, and barley paying attention to anything but Veruca. Oz : Nothing special. Willow : Yeah. She's quell fiona. Color me bored. Giles : Really? I think she's rather remarkable. Such presence for someone her age. Cut to Oz's room. He and Willow are lying in bed. Willow is having a nightmare. Willow ; Mm... It's in the sandblaster. Uh... Oz : (Trying to wake Willow from her nightmare.) What's in the sandblaster, Will? It's a dream. Come back to me. Willow : (Murmering in her "sleep" and smiling.) Mmm...Hmm... All geminis to the raspberry hats. Oz : Now you're faking. Willow : (In a cute voice.) Am not. Just a little. (She turns to face Oz. Oz : Morning. Willow : Morning. Oz : Bad dream? Willow : I guess. But the waking up part makes up for it. Oz : It's always so busy in there. Willow : Not always. A few things shut my brain up completely. (Gets cuddly.) Oz : Anything I can help you with? Willow : I gotta get to class right now, but tonight for sure. Oz : I don't know about tonight, unless the extreme jerry garcia look turns you on. Willow : (Confused.) Huh? Oz : Night before the full moon. Willow : Oh, that's right. And I have a thing. There's this wicca group on campus I wanted to check out. They have orientation on the 3 nights you're wolfy. And it's probably totally silly, but-- Oz : No. Go. Show 'em how it's done. Willow : Are you sure? You can lock yourself up? It's only this one month. After orientation, they meet on different nights. Oz : I'll be fine. Willow : Ok. As long as you don't mind. Oz : The only thing I mind is being away from you for 3 nights. Cut to Prof Walsh's class. She is returning papers. Walsh : Ms. Summers... I want you to prepare to lead a discussion group next class On the paper topic. That was smart work. Buffy : (Surprised as she recives her paper.) What do I have to do? Walsh : If you have any questions, bring them up with one of the T.A.S. Buffy leaves the class and walks up to Willow. Willow : Are you ok? How'd you do? (Buffy smiles and holds up her paper. Willow is amazed.) This is good. I mean, this is excellent. You did better than me. (She looks upset.) This is so unfair! You made me jealous of you academically. Buffy! (She and Buffy hug.) Buffy : I know. Can you believe it? Willow : Wow. I guess professor Walsh isn't so ogrey after all. Buffy : And she wants me to lead a discussion group next class. That means more work, right? (They start to walk.) Shouldn't she have a better reward system? You know, like a cookie or a toy surprise like at the dentist? Willow : She wants you to lead a discussion group? Ok. Jealous again. (She looks upset.) Jealous, jealous-- ok. I'm back. (She smiles again.) Hey, I'm meeting Oz at the cafe. You wanna come? I'll buy you that celebratory cookie. Buffy : Great. I'm T.A. Bound right now, and then I will catch up with you guys. Willow : Cool. Buffy walks off. Cut to Oz walking through the cafe. He spies Veruca sitting alone at a table. Veruca : What are you gonna do, sit on the ground? Oz : My girlfriend's coming. Veruca : There's room. Oz : (Sits down.) Big lunch? Veruca : I like to eat. I hate chicks who are like, "does it have dressing on it?" Oz : (Nods.) Agreed. You guys were tight last night. Veruca : I guess. The set's starting to come together, but the amps still sound dirty to me. Oz : What are you using? 50 Or 120? Willow : (Walks up. Looks somewhat distressed.) Hey. Oz : Hey. Veruca : Hey. Oz : You wanna sit down? (Willow sits.) So you should be using a 50. And blue voodoo, not your best bet, unless you dig the distort. Willow : Music talk, huh? Cool. I love to listen to oz talk about the biz. Veruca : What do you like again? I know you told me. Oz : There's a couple good ones. The johnson mil... The number one is redbone. Veruca : Number one? No. I gotta go with hound dog. Willow : Me, too. That's a great song. I mean, elvis, what a guy. Veruca : You a big elvis fan? Willow : The biggest. Well, I mean, after dingoes, of course. Oz : We're actually talking amps. But it's easy to get confused, The names they give 'em. Willow : Oh. Ha ha. Oz : You know, I gotta bail. Um, I'll call you later. (He gets up to go.) Veruca : I should go, too. (To Willow.) Good shirt. (She leaves.) Buffy : (Walks up.) Check out the rapid exits. Was it me? Willow : (Looking sad. Buffy sits.) Me. I don't speak musicianese. How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt? Buffy : I thought that was the point. He thinks she's sexy. He gets this blushy thing going on behind his ears. That's for me only. Buffy : It doesn't mean anything. So Oz checks out another girl. He loves you. Willow : I know. I--I know. And I don't wanna be the kind of girl who freaks every time my boyfriend notices somebody else. I mean, I have wrong feelings about other guys sometimes, but I feel guilty, and I flog and punish. Buffy : Exactly. I'm sure Oz is flogging and punishing himself. This is sounding wrong before I even finish. Look, I promise you, in a couple of days, it's gonna be like "veruca who?" Willow : You think? Buffy : Absolutely. Oz just isn't the type to stray. Not tonight anyways. He'll be locked in a cage. Cut to Oz's cage. He's more wild than normal. He breaks out. Cut to Walsh walking along outside alone. She stops when Oz jumps out at her. She runs and comes along yet another werewolf. She's terrified, but as they both jump at her they crash into each other as she jumps out of the way. They attach each other. Cut to the next morning. They're semi hidden by bushes, both naked. Oz : That was, um... Veruca : Some night. Oz : So it appears. Veruca : Right. You don't remember. It's like that at first, but then little bits and pieces will start coming back to you. Oz : So you're A... Veruca : Werewolf groupie. Nobody else gets it done for me. Oz : What? Veruca : Kidding. You know what I am. You've known since the first time you saw me. Now, you... Need...To relax. Oz : Not a possibility. Veruca : So what do you want to do? They head off. Cut to the laudromat. Oz is wearing clothes that don't fit and don't entirely match. Veruca is wakling about in whorewear. Veruca : God! The kids in the dorm need fashion 101 in a big way. (She spies Oz's ensemble.) Or we could start right here at home. Oz : Not making a statement. Just wanna get back to my place, figure out why we got out of our cages. Veruca : (Incredulous.) You have a cage? Oz : Don't you? Veruca : Uh, yeah. Has a little wheel with a plastic ball And a cute little bell in it. God! Somebody's domesticated the hell out of you. Oz : It's my choice. I don't wanna hurt anybody. Veruca : Maybe. Or maybe you just don't wanna admit what happened to you. Maybe you just wanna pretend like you're a regular guy. (She walks over to him.) Oz : Well, I am. I'm only a wolf 3 nights a month. Veruca : Or you're a wolf all the time and this human face is just your disguise. You ever think about that, Oz? (She's getting closer to him.) Oz : I'm going. I gotta check the paper, see if we did any damage last night. Veruca : Oh, we did. But only to each other. I know some part of you remembers that. It doesn't take a full moon. We could...Do it again right here. (She's getting "cuddly" with him. Oz : We aren't going to. This ends... Right now. Veruca : I can help you, Oz. (Continueing the slut act.)You're scared. I was, too. But then I accepted it. The animal, it's powerful, inside me all the time. Soon, you just start to feel sorry for everybody else because they don't know what it's like to be as alive as we are. As free. Oz : Free to k*ll people? I won't do that. You shouldn't. Veruca : You don't understand. But you will. You'll see that we belong together. Oz : No. I know where I belong. Veruca : (As Oz walks of.) See ya tonight. Cut to Riley and Professor Walsh walking. She's telling him about the night before. Walsh : 2 Of them. It was unbelievable. The fact that I survived at all is a miracle. Buffy : (Walks up to them.) Excuse me. Ms. Walsh? Walsh : I hope you're careful when you walk around campus after dark. I was att*cked by wild dogs last night. Buffy : Wild dogs? Walsh : 2 Of them. Biggest things I've ever seen. The first one was-- Well, for a moment, I thought it was a gorilla. Did you have a question, Buffy? Buffy : No. No, I was just... Sayin' howdy. Walsh : Fine. See you in class. Buffy leaves looking thoughtful. Cut to Oz's room. There's a knock at the door. Oz : Yeah? Willow : (Walks in.) Hey. Oz : Hey. New look. (She's wearing shiny pants.) Willow : You, too. Oz : Oh. Uh... Laundry day kinda came and went. Willow : Hey... I'm sorry if I was weird yesterday with you and Veruca. Oz : (Looking mildly uncomfortable.) I didn't notice anything. Willow : Really? 'Cause I felt all spazzy. Oz : No. Willow : Oh. Good. So it was just me worrying for nothing again. Me and my busy head always thinking, thinking, thinking. Oz : Well, now you can stop everything's fine. Willow : (Getting hinty.) Maybe you could help me...Stop. I'd really, really appreciate anything you could do. Oz : What? (He's very uncomfortable as she approaches him.) Willow : What's wrong? Oz : Uh...Sorry. I... Willow : You don't want to? (She looks hurt.) Oz :It's not that. I do. I just... I didn't get any sleep, I guess. I'm really b*at. Willow : Right. Busy wolf night. I get it. It's totally ok. Oz : (As Willow heads for the door.) Willow, you don't have to-- Willow : No. I--I should. I don't have much time. See you later. She leaves. Cut to Giles apartment. He's watching Jeapordy. Giles : (Answering the tv.) Peace of westphalia. Contestant: Uh, yalta? Giles : Oh, you moron. That dinette set should be mine. The doorbell rings. He goes to answer it and he finds Buffy at the door. Giles : Buffy. Excellent. Uh, come in. Buffy : Hi. Giles : Can I get you anything? Tea? I made a very interesting mousaka last night, if you're hungry. Buffy : Pass on the tea. And the moose, thank you. Giles : You come on business, I hope? Buffy : (Giving him a look.) Yes. Lucky for you, people may be in danger. Giles : (Embarrased.) I only meant, uh, that I'm at the ready. Buffy : Here's the deal. One of my professors said that she was almost att*cked by two wild dogs last night... Under the light of a nearly full moon. Giles : Werewolves. Two Of them? Buffy : Could be. Well, I've not seen anything about the att*cks in the newspapers or on the news. Giles : Have you spoken with Oz? Buffy : My next stop. Giles : Right. Get right on it. Buffy : And I'll see what I can find out. Giles : And you report back to me... Buffy : (As she leaves.) Asap. Promise. Cut to Xander's apartment. He's sitting on the couch. Willow walks in. Xander : Hey, Will. Mom let you in? Willow : She seemed cranky. Xander : Yeah. We're having a little landlord-tenant dispute, So I'm withholding rent. An effective, and might I add, thrifty tactic. Willow : How come? (She sits on the arm of the couch.) Xander : She won't let me put a lock on my door. I suspect she's afraid I'll start having the sex. Willow : Yeah. Parents usually wait till you're out of the house. Or under it. Xander : Or under it... Willow : To start worrying about stuff like that. Xander : It's mostly too late. So, I know why I'm sitting in a dank, sunless little room. But why are you? Willow : Well, things with Oz are weird. And I talked to Buffy about it, but I think we're in guyville here. I need a translator from the "y" side of things. Xander : Well, last time I checked, I had the creds. h*t me. Willow : What does it mean when a girl wants to... You know. Xander : If you're doin' it, I think you should be able to say it. Willow : Make love. Xander : Wild monkey love or tender Sarah Mclachlan love? Willow : Any kind. But what if the girl wants to and the guy doesn't? That's a bad sign, right? Xander : Could be. Or the girl caught the guy in one of the 7 annual minutes he's legitimately too preoccupied to do it. Willow : Well, say the girl's been noticing-- Xander : Will, I've deciphered your ingenious code. Willow : Ok. Say I've been noticing Oz notice someone else. A woman. Xander : And is this chick noticing back? Willow : Most definitely. Xander : Well... Have you asked Oz about it? Willow : Well, I thought about it, but then he'll think I'm all jealous and worry. Xander : But you are. And odds are, he feels it. I'll bet that's all there is to the weird you're feeling. You guys should talk things out, Wll. You'll both feel better. Cut to Oz's underground cave area. Buffy walks in as Oz is reenforcing the cage. Buffy : Got out, huh? Oz : Yeah. Buffy : Any news about att*cks? Oz : No. Buffy : But I did hear about a woman being chased by two wild dogs. Oz : Two? Really? Buffy : You don't remember anything like that, do you? Another wolf? Oz : No. When the change comes, it's like...I'm gone. Total blackout. Buffy : You know, I find wolf number two out on patrol tonight, and you might have a roomie in there. (Buffy starts to walk off then stops and turns to look at him.) Oz... You ok? And if it's possible, you seem more monosyllabic than usual. Oz : I'm ok. Thanks. Cut to later. Veruca has walked down into the underground area where Oz is. Veruca : So this is why you called me here? To see your habittrail? (She walks up to him.) Right before sunset, I get a little buzzed, you know? Oz : Come here. Veruca : I'm not getting in that stupid cage with you, if that's what this is all about. We belong outside. Oz : You can't run loose tonight. And not just because you might hurt somebody. I know people that'll be out there... Hunting for us. Veruca : (Stepping closer.) So you're saying I should spend the whole night with you... Alone... Locked in a cage. Oz : You'll be safe. Veruca : Not from you. Isn't that the point of this cozy little arrangement? It's coming. Do you feel it? It's like blood boiling. Oz : I feel it. Veruca : (Leaning in towards him, haning on the the cage door.) I've wanted you even before I ever saw you. I sensed you. Did you sense me? Oz : (Tensely.) Come in here. Veruca : Did you? He nods slightly. She steps in the cage and they kiss. As they do they change. Werewolf "wakiness" ensues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cut to the morning. Willow is bounding down the stairs with a bag of food and a thermos. She cuts short as she sees Veruca and Oz, naked, limbs tangled asleep on the floor of the cage. The thermos and bag drop as she stares in shock. Oz wakes up and sees Willow. He starts to get up. Oz : Willow... (He starts putting on his pants.) Willow : Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oz : I know what you saw. It wasn't-- (Finishes putting on his pants.) I had to. I had to lock her in there with me. Willow : I bet. Oz : She's like me. A wolf. Willow : Well, I knew you two had a lot in common, but... (Oz tries to touch her.)Don't touch me! (She jerks back.) Oz : She was gonna hurt somebody. I didn't have a choice. Willow : But you did. You could've told somebody. Your solution... Just put you two together in a room all night? Veruca : (Having woken up, stands up bearing all.) Girl's got a point. Oz : (Angrily.) Leave. Veruca : I'm just saying-- Oz : (Shouts) Now! I'm sorry. I know. Willow : I knew, you jerk. And you sat there, and you told me everything was fine? And that's as bad as... As... (Now crying.) Oz : I know how it feels. I remember. Willow : Oh. So what, this is payback? I had this coming? Oz : No. It's not-- Willow : Because I thought that was behind us. And you know, what happened with Xander, it doesn't compare. Not with what you and I had. Not with whatever you've been doing with her. Oz : I don't know what Veruca and I have done. When I change, it's like, it's like I'm gone and the wolf takes over. Willow : But before this, when you were regular Oz, you had feelings for her, didn't you? Oz : No. I could sense something, but... Willow : But you wanted her... Like in an animal way? Like...More than you wanted me? (She runs off, tears streaming down her face.) Oz : Willow! Cut to Willow walking down the street looking disconsolant. She walks into the street, and stops as a car comes bearing down on her. Buffy sees her but is too far away. Fortunatly Riley jumps out and yanks her to safty. Buffy comes running over. Buffy : Willow, are you ok? (To Riley.) Thank you. I was too far away. Riley : It was lucky. She almost got h*t. Buffy : Willow, what's the matter? Riley : Maybe you should take her home. Whatever it is, it's not worth hurting yourself over. Buffy : Thank you. He leaves. Buffy guides Willow away. Cut to Willow and Buffy's room. Willow is sitting on her bed looking miserable. Buffy : I have to go. I have to find Veruca before the sun sets. I will, though. When I do, this thing stops. She's bad news. Do you want me to get you something before I take off? Kleenex? Chocolatey... Chocolate anything? Willow : No. Buffy : I'll come back as soon as this is finished. I just want you to take it easy, ok? Riley was right. The main thing is put the blame where it belongs. Don't hurt yourself. Willow : Uh-huh. Ok. Buffy : You're ok? Willow : I'm fine. I promise. Buffy : I love you. (Buffy leaves.) Willow : Put the blame where it belongs. Cut to Oz's room. He's on the phone sitting on the edge of his bed. Oz : So you haven't seen her around? (Pause.) Ok. Thanks, man. The door opens and Buffy enters. Buffy : Where is she? Oz : I don't know. I already checked all the usual haunts. But I know the areas we're drawn to. I'm pretty sure I can follow her scent. Buffy : We'll try that, then. Oz : Look, buffy, you should know that-- Buffy : Oz... (Coldly.) Now might be a good time for your trademark stoicism. They leave to go look for Veruca. Cut to Willow. She' got her wicca stuff out and is casting a spell. Beakers and vials are out, some boilding. Willow : I conjure thee by barabbas, by satanas, and the devil. As thou art burning, Let Oz and Veruca's deceitful hearts be broken. This way. I conjure thee by the saracen queen And the name of hell. Let them find no love or solace. Let them find no peace as well. Cut to Oz and Buffy running through the woods. Oz: She's near here. I can smell her. They come upon a pile of clothes in a heap, and no Veruca. Buffy : Or the dirty pile of clothing she left on the ground. Oz : Well, they could be from the other night when she-- Turned into a werewolf. U Buffy : Unless she wanted to throw you off the scent. Oz : Willow. Cut back to Willow. She has a picture of him and is holding it near the flame. Willow : Let this image seal his fate, not to love, only hate. Willow can't bring herself to finish the spell. She drops the picture and a levitating beaker along drops and the burning and boiling containers cease activity. Veruca : (Walking in.) Wow. For a minute there, I thought you might actually play rough. Sometimes you have to, you know? To keep what's yours, sometimes you have to k*ll. How 'bout that? The sun's almost down. She advances towards Willow. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cut to Buffy and Oz running through the forrest top speed. Buffy slams full force into a burly commando guy. They h*t the ground and thier g*n go flying. (She's carring a tranquilizer.) They get up and run off. Veruca : Can't say I'm surprised you didn't go through with your little hex. You don't have the teeth. Willow : (Backing up.) You don't know what I have. You don't know anything about me. Veruca : I know what you love. I have his scent on me right now. Oz : Don't touch her again. Veruca : Come stop me. I like it rough, remember? Oz : You wanna hurt me, hurt me. You leave her out of this. Veruca : How can I? She's the reason you're living in cages. She's blinding you. When she's gone, you'll be able to admit what you are. Oz : You don't wanna find out what I am. Veruca : You're an animal. Animals k*ll. Oz : You're right. (Advancing towards her.) We k*ll. He starts to wolf as does she. They begin to struggle. They fight and he gets the upper hand and tears her throat out. Willow cowers in a corner, crying uncontrolably. Willow : Oz? He looks at her, and advances, then jumps but comes up short. Buffy has grabbed him. He goes to att*ck her but she kicks him out of her way, then sh*ts him with the tranquilizer. He attempts to get up but falls back. Buffy goes to comfort the traumatized Willow. Cut to Giles apartment. Giles : I'm not quite sure I understand. Buffy : There was just so much going on with oz and willow. And there still is. But I just thought you should know. Giles : Well, this fellow in the woods, he was in military garb? Buffy : And he was toting some serious w*apon. The thing is, I saw some guys dressed exactly like him on halloween night. I just assumed they were in costume. But maybe they were working. I wanna know what's up. The guy got in my way. I almost didn't catch up with oz in time. And as it was, I was too late to-- Giles : You saved Willow. Buffy : Right now she wishes I hadn't. Giles, I've never seen her like this. It's like it hurts too much to form words. Giles : You've... You've felt that way yourself, And you got through it. Buffy : Yeah. I ran away and went to hell and then got through it. I'm kind of hoping she doesn't use me as a model. Giles : Fair enough. Buffy : I just don't know how they're gonna deal with this. Cut to Oz's room. He's packing. Willow : (Walks in.) Hello. Oz : Hi. Willow : What are you doing? Oz : I'm going. Willow : Now? Oz : Mm-hmm. He zips the suitcase. Willow : That's your solution? Oz : That's my decision. Willow : Don't I get any say in this? Oz : No. Veruca was right about something. The wolf is inside me all the time, and I don't know where that line is anymore between me and it. And until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you... Or anybody. Willow : (Crying.) Well, that could be a problem 'cause people... Kind of a planetary epidemic. Oz : I'll find someplace. Willow : Well, how long? Oz : I don't know. Willow : Oz... Don't you love me? Oz : (Holding her pressing his forehead to hers as she sobs.) My whole life... I've never loved anything else. Willow : Oz... Oh, god. Oz... Willow is left standing crying. Oz walks out and puts his bag in his van. He gets in and starts the van. He pauses then cuts the engine. Then he starts the van again and drives away. BLACK OUT

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x06 - Wild At Heart"}

foreverdreaming

This transcript is merely for those that do not have access to Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the tv. It is not to infringe on any copywrighted material, merely to spread and promote BTVS. Feel free to distribute this, so long as there are no modifications made. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cut the the UC Sunnydale cafeteria. Riley is sitting at a table laboring over papers. A friend Forrest is checking out his coeds. Forrest: Women. Young, nubile, exciting. Each one a mystery, waiting to be unlocked. Think any of them are gonna show? 'Cause the party will be lame if we lack for hotties. Professor? You with me? Riley : No. I'm with this large pile of ungraded papers, due at 3:00. Forrest : How are you gonna learn anything if you keep doing schoolwork? Oh...Check her out. Is she hot, or is she hot? We see Buffy at the soda fountain. She's distracted and her cup starts to over flow. Riley : (Looks up.) She's buffy. Forrest : Buffy? I like that. That girl's so hot, she's buffy. Riley : It's her name, Forrest. Forrest : You've established first contact? Excellent. What do you think of her? Riely : I haven't really thought about what I think of her. Forrest : A girl that cute in the face, and you form no opinion? Riley : No, I mean, She's all right, I guess. She's just kind of... I don't know. Peculiar. We see Buffy break the handle off of the the frozen yogurt machine. She battles with it for a bit. Forrest : Peculiar? Hi. Hey, graham, what do you think of the blonde chick? Mattressable, n'est pas? Riley's not down. Doesn't like her. Riley : I don't dislike her. She just-- she never feels like she's really there when you talk to her. I like girls I can get a grip on. Forrest : I bet you do. Riley : Not that way. Just a little less ready for takeoff all the time. There's definitely something off about her. Graham : Maybe she's canadian. Buffy flees the site and we see the yogurt machine overflowing in her wake. Forrest : Didn't she go out with parker abrams for about 30 seconds? Riley : Abrams? Yeah, there's a sign of good taste. Buffy goes to the register and pays for her food. Forrest : Ok, but you've got to admit she's a major league hottie. Riley : Well, I'm not denying she's easy on the eyes. I'm just saying... (Buffy spills both drink and yogurt on the floor.) Would you really want to go out with her? Forrest : Hell, yes. I bet a lot of guys would like to get their hands on her. Cut to Spike laying on the floor of a sanitary hospital white chamber. He's mumbling as he drifts towards conciousness. Spike : Slayer... I'll k*ll you. Not so tough. I... k*ll slayer. He gets up and looks around. He goes to the glass wall that holds him in and puts his hands on it. He recieves a sevre electric shock and jumps back. The camera pans back and we see doezens of other cages with vampires and other ilk locked up. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cut to Giles apartment. He and Xander are sitting in his living room. He's adding finishing touches to a drawing. Giles : Well, based on buffy's description, I believe the men that we're after Look something like, um... Like this. He holds up the drawing. Xander : The latest in fall fascism. I like it. A bit full in the hips for my taste, but-- Giles : Oh, I think we can safely assume they're human, So, um, no research needed. Xander : No studying? Damn! Next thing they'll tell me is I'll have to eat jelly doughnuts or sleep with a supermodel to get things done around here. I ask you, how much can one man give? Giles : Not too much, I'm afraid. Um... Once again I'd say that you and I will not be needed to help buffy. Xander : Really? Giles : Really. Xander : Well, how about this? We whip out the ouija board, light a few candles, Summon some ancient, unstoppable evil. Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem. We show up and kick its ass. Buffy walks in the apartment. Giles : Wee bit unethical. Buffy : Hello, people. Hey. Mmm. (Giles hold up the scetch.) It's my late night storm trooper pal. Giles : It's--it's just for reference, you know, But fairly accurate you'd say? Buffy : That's your man. Giles : Your man, actually. Uh...You are patrolling tonight? Buffy : Nope, I am going to a party tonight. Hopefully, a "no fighting, no biting" kind of deal. Giles : Look, buffy, somebody's got to find out who these people are. Buiffy : Giles, I live in a dorm now. The girls in my hall want to party, Willow needs some cheering up. I'm going to take her. Xander : How's will dealing-- Buffy : (Cutting off Xander.) With the black hole of despair she's been living in since Oz left? She's dealing. I'm helping. It's hard. Ergo, party. You two can take patrol. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find something slutty to wear tonight. Cut to the facility that Spike is being held at. He's pacing around when a packet of blood falls from a panel in the ceiling. He grabs it and goes to start in on it. We see the vampire that was captured in the first episode, a leftover from Sunday's g*ng. Vampire : Don't drink it. It's drugged. Spike : (He throws down the pack, frusterated.) Uh-huh. And who are you, mate? Vampire : I'm a rat. I'm a lab rat, just like the others. They're gonna k*ll us, you know. Spike : And how are they gonna do that? Vampire : They starve you. When you're ready to bite your own arm, they sh**t out one of those packets. You drink, and the next thing, you're gone. And that's when they do the experiments. Spike : And, uh, they are? The government? n*zi? A major cosmetics company? Vampire : Who cares? All I know is, one minute I'm running from the slayer, And the next thing, I'm here. Spike : The slayer! I knew it! I knew it! Vamire : Yeah, she took apart my crew, and led me straight to these guys. Spike : She set me up, too. I always worried what would happen When that bitch got some funding. (He slams his hands into the glass wall briefly in frusteration.) She's wised up a bit. Fine! I'll take her apart. I don't care how brilliant she is. Cut to Prof. Walsh's class. Buffy is fighting with her pen and her hands are covered in ink. Buffy : Stupid pen. (She looks down alarmed.) My notes! Wilow : Ballpoints can be tricky. Walsh: I'll see you all tomorrow. Buffy and Willow collect thier things to leave. Willow goes up to Riley Willow : Riley. I notice you left off a name today in roll call. Osbourne, Daniel Osbourne, Oz? Riley : He's not in this class anymore. I hear he dropped out. Willow : (Looking distressed.) Oh, well you heard way wrong then. I mean, he's not gone. He--he left temporarily to work out a few things. I know that sounds lame in its vagueness, but I assure you, Oz will be back. Walsh: (Walks up to where Willow and Riley are.) Not to my class, he won't. An educated guess. You know the rules, you know I hate exceptions, and yet somehow you feel your exception is exceptional. (She crosses her arms in front of her looking intimidating.) Willow : Oh, but-- Walsh : (Cutting her off.) It is. To you. But since I'm neither a freshman nor a narcissist, I have to consider the whole class. If your friend can't respect my schedule, I think it's best he not come back. Willow looking hurt and miserable walks off. Buffy who's been watching from the sidelines walks up to Walsh. Buffy : You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you might try showing some. Walsh : It's not my job to coddle my students. Buffy : You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job. (Buffy stalks off.) Walsh : I like her. Rirley : Really? You don't think she's a little peculiar? Cut to Xander's apartment / his parents basement. He's got a spread of military w*apon in front of him. He's trying to open the chamber of a p*stol and having some trouble. Xander : Here we go. Gear for tonight. If some commando squads are out there, fully loaded, these babies might give us the edge we'll need. Giles : That's a very impressive array. Where'd it all come from? Xander : Uh, requisitioned it. Back when I was a military guy. Giles : That was 2 years ago. You still 100%? Xander : Are you kidding? I put the semper in semper fi. I might not be able to assemble an m-16 blindfolded like I used to or pass w*apon drill from the mobile infantry... (Giles grabs the p*stol and immediatly accomlishes what Xander has been trying to do for 10 minutes.) Might as well face it. Right now, I don't have the technical skills to join the swiss army. And all those guys ask you to do Is uncork a couple of sassy cabernets. Giles : Well, I'm sure you'll be ready when the time comes. Xander : Oh, fear not. Hand to hand? I'm still the man. Whoever these guys trained with, I'm sure they're not ready to deal with-- Xander's Mother : (Calling from the main level of the house.) Xander! Xander :Yes, mom! Xander's Mother : I made up a nice fruit punch for you and your friend. Would you boys like some? Giles : (Looks up.) Is it, uh, raspberry fruit punch? Cut to where Riley is talking to Forrest in thier dorm, and he's throwing a frizbee back and forth between another guy. Riley : So she says, "you teach human behavior. Maybe you ought to show some." Forrest : Oh, you're lying. She says that to Walsh? Riley : Hope to die. Forrest : Doesn't lack for guts. You've got to give her that. Riley : Yeah, but she's nuts. Forrest : Oh, come on. Like you never wanted to tell the professor off? Hey, Parker! (Parker has entered the dorm. Forrest, Riley and a few others walk over to him.) Parker : Forrest. What's up, man? Forrest : What's the scoop on Buffy Summers? Is she cool? Parker : Buffy? Yeah, she's all right, I guess. I mean, kind of whiney. Forrest : How's that? Parker : Well, you know, clingy. I mean, we got a little physical-- Uh, well, fully physical, and then she's all over me, you know, like we're betrothed or something. Forrest : No, but fun was had, yeah? Parker : [Laughs] oh, yeah. The word is stamina. I mean, definitely a bunny in the sack, but later on, well. You know the difference between a freshman girl and a toilet seat? A toilet seat doesn't follow you around after you use it. Riely decks Parker who hits the floor. Riley : (Walking between Forrest and Graham.) I can't believe that I did that. Forrest : Welcome to the club. Do you have any idea how much trouble you could have gotten into? If parker reported you-- Graham : He won't, he's too embarrassed. Riley : I h*t him. Forrest : What the hell for? Riley : He--he was just being so crude. Forrest : Please. You've heard me say much grosser things than that. Riley : And most of those are about your own mother. (Riley laughes and Forrest jokingly smacks him on the back of the head. Riley stops abruptly.) Forrest : What is it? Riley : I just didn't like hearing him (he pauses thoughtfully) talk about buffy that way. I think I... Well, I guess I like her. Forrest : You're kind of like a moron. Riley : So, you... You knew that I had feelings for her. Forrest : Everybody knows, man. Oh, she's peculiar? d*ad giveaway, buddy. Riley : I'm always the last to know. Forrest : So, whatcha gonna do? Riley : (Walking off.) Well, I guess I'm gonna go see a girl. Cut to the facility. We see Spike on the floor uncouncious. Beside him is an empty sack of blood. Two lab types grab him and are loading him onto a gourney. As they're starting to strap him in his eyes open. He grabs the lab guy by him by the throat. Spike : Sorry, can't stay. Got to go see a girl. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to the lab. Spike jumps off the gourney. An orderly rushes him, and Spike grabs him by the arm and flips him over the gourney, sending him rolling to the floor. Spike follows him, ready to att*ck, and the orderly grabs him and slams him into the glass wall of the episode one vampire's cage/room. Vampire : Let me out! Spike : Bit busy right now. Vampire : Look, I know where the exit is. You spring me, you're free. You don't, you're d*ad. Spike throws the orderly off of him, into another with a syringe, who accidentally s*ab him in the neck with it. He falls onto the gourney. The second orderly looks up alarmed. Spike has vamped out, smiles, grabs the orderly and flips him onto the floor. Vampire : Hurry! Hurry! Spike runs over to the orderly sprawled on the gourney. He goes through his pockets and grabs the security card. He uses it to free the vampire. Vampire : This way! They run down the hall and quickly run under the closing security door. They run into the next room where ops guys are coming out of an elevator. Spike : New plan! We split up. You go that way. He shoves the vampire into the ops guys and flees. Cut to Willow laying on her bed in the dorm room she and Buffy share. She's listening to depressing music looking mopey. There's a knock at the door. Willow : Come in. (RIely walks in.) Oh, Riley. Hi. Riley : Hi. Gee, I hope I'm not interrupting anything really depressing. Willow : What's up? Riley : (Looking nervous.) Right to the point, ok. I was thinking of asking out Buffy. Willow : She's not here. Riely : I know. (Willow spys Buffy's open bag o' w*apon on the floor by her bed and looks alarmed.) See, I don't know that much about Buffy. But I'm interested in what she likes, and so far, well, the only thing that I know she likes is you. Willow : What--what do you want me to do? (She's gotten up and headed towards Buffy's bag.) Riely : Just tell me something. Anything. Just give me a clue to-- (He notices Willow trying to subtly nudge the bag under the bed with her foot.) Here, let me help you with that. (He scotches the bag under the bed.) Just something that will start us talking, you know? (Willow returns to her bed and Riley sits on Buffy's.) I'm thinking that "how 'bout them broncos" won't really cut it. Willow : Ok, say that I help, and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper, and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops, And it feels like the whole world's made for you two, and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow, mockery of the human condition. Riley : (Looking a bit put out, but is glib.) Yep, that's the plan. Willow : I figured it was. Riley : Oh. Look, if you want to tell me to go to hell, that's ok. Maybe this is the last thing you want to talk about. I just feel that, well, I've never courted anyone like Buffy before. I don't think I've ever met anyone like Buffy before. Willow : Why should I trust you? Riley : Just sort of hoping you'd think I have an honest face. Willow : I've seen host faces before. They usually come attached to liars. Riley : All right. I guess I'm not gonna win, here. And I appreciate you wanting to protect your friend. (He gets up to leave.) I guess, uh, she kind of brings that out in people. (Thinks of the damage he did to Parker probably.) Willow : She likes cheese. Riley : What? Well, I'm not saying it's the key to her heart, but Buffy... She likes cheese. Riley : That's a start. Willow : She has a stuffed piggy named Mr. Gordo, loves ice capades without the irony, and she's dragging me to this party tonight at lowell house. Riley : Oh, you're going? That's my house. I live there. (He sits on Willow's bed, encouraged.) Willow : Well, it'll give you a chance to interact, but don't get fresh. Riely : Fresh? I don't even know if we like each other yet. Hey, does she ever talk about me? Like, has she ever said... Willow : Sorry. Riley : That's discouraging. Still, I feel like I have a fighting chance with my new accomplice. Willow : I'm not your accomplice. Riley : No, no. Of course not. Willow : I'm not. Riley : You're not. Willow : We're clear. Riley : We're clear. Cut to Harmony listening to teeny-bob techno, hanging up a frilly unicorn poster in a crypt. Spike enters the room. Harmony : Spike? Spike, is that really you? (He walks up to her.) Spike : It's me, baby. Your man is-- (Harmony slaps him across the face.) back. Harmony : Bastard. You dumped me and staked me and hurt me and left me-- Spike : I know, sugar, but you're forgetting one other thing I did. (He gets a touchy feely look.) I missed you. Harmony : Really? (He holds up his arms, in a "Well here I am," sort of way.) Oh! Just don't ever do that to me again. (She leaps into his arms hugging him.) Spike : Oh, never, my little foam latte. Your blondie bear is here to stay. Harmony : Well, where have you been? (Spike strolls over to a wicked looking double bladed w*apon ax. He swings it around a bit.) No, wait. Don't tell me. I'm just glad you're back. And this time, it's for good, right? (He tosses aside the ax.) Spike : Oh, forever and ever, mon petite creme brulee. (He picks up another vicious looking w*apon, this time an exceptionally long dagger. He tosses this aside too.) Harmony : Ooh. Italian. Spike : Uh, yeah, and get used to it. Big daddy's home. We're gonna go wherever you want, do whatever you want, (He picks up yet another w*apon this one a long sword like thing with a hook on the end.) k*ll whoever you want. Starting with the slayer. (Harmony looks irritated as Spike tosses aside his current w*apon.) And after that, it's all you and me, my little mentholated pack of smokes. Harmony walks over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder. Harmony : Spikey. Let's leave the slayer alone. (She grabs his lapels.) You know she'll only slap you around, and I can do that. Spike : Ow! Uh, no, see, ow. (Harmony is grabbings his hair, getting cute.) The head, love. Watch the head. Whoa, watch it! (Harmony has jumped Spike.) Cut to Giles and Xander hiding in the woods. Xander: Every man faces this moment. Here. Now. Watching. Waiting For an unseen enemy that has no face. Nerve endings screaming in silence. Never knowing which thought might be your last. Giles : Oh, shut up. Cut to Willow and Buffy walking into the party. Buffy : Looks cool. Willow : Uh-huh. Buffy : Look, we could go. Willow : No-no, we're here for fun. Buffy : Oh, look. Some of the guys are here already. Willow : I'm gonna grab a soda. I'll--I'll find you guys. Buffy : Ok. Willow playing secret agent gal walks over to wear Riley is standing. She leans against a pillar facing the opposite direction of Riely. Willow : Ok, she's wearing the halter top with sensible shoes. That means mostly dancing, light contact, But don't push your luck. Heavy conversation's out of the question. Riley : So what do I do? Willow : Ask her to dance. Riley : Right. Dance. Wait. No. Willow : What's the matter? (She turns to face him.) Riley : I can't dance. Williow : Then talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will b*at you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun. (She pats him on the shoulder.) Riely walks off. We see Buffy standing in a circle of people. Riley makes his way through towards her. Riely : Excuse me. Hi. Buffy : Hi. Riley : Um...Buffy... (He pauses looking at a loss.) You do the reading on chapter 9? Buffy : Uh-huh. (She gives him a look.) Riley : Wow. Some theories, huh? Cheese? (He holds up a cube of cheese on a stick.) Cut to the woods. Xander sees things being thrown into a pile. Harmony walks out and begins to pour gas on the pile. Xander : Harmony. Harmony : Xander? (She walks towards him.) Xander : That's close enough. (She stops.) I'm warning you: I've been highly trained to put this through your heart. (He waves a stake around.) No mercy, no warning. Harmony : I can k*ll you where you stand. Xander : Bring it on, then. Harmony bitch slaps him. Xander : Ow! He kicks her in the shin. Harmony : Ow! You sissy kicker! She slaps him in the arm. The most girly fight ever on BTVS ensues. They slap at each other and circle each other in a menacing manner. More slapping without contact. They end up tangled up pulling each others hair. Xander : Get away! Aah! Cut it out! Harmony : Ow, I'm so gonna bite you! Xander : Ow... Ok, stop, stop! We should stop, ok? Harmony : Ok, I will if you will. Xander ; On the count of 3... Xander : Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 1...2...3! Harmony : Right, ok. Xander : Harmony, it's been great catching up. Really, I'm just gonna pick up the tattered shreds of my dignity and go home... Leaving you with your f*re. Harmony : My f*re? Yeah, right. Like I listen to the sex p*stol. Eww. This crap belongs to Spike. Xander : Spike? Harmony : Can you believe him? He comes back with all these big promises, not that I believed him, you know. But he could have spent one night, but, no. Everything was "slayer this" and "slayer that." I mean, he probably already k*lled her. I'm not taking him back, I just...I just want to know why it is that men always... (She looks up and Xander has left to go warn Buffy.) Leave. Harmony pitches a lit match behind her. The pile of Spikes things go up in flames. Cut to Riley and Willow sitting on a couch at the party. Neither look very much in a party mood. Riley : I can't believe it. I choked. Willow : You really, really did. Riley : You don't understand. I'm good at things. That's what I do. Work hard, apply myself, get it done. Willow : Well, you failed extremely well. Riley : That's a great comfort to me. We see Buffy doing a "sexy dance" with another guy. Willow : You need to relax. I mean, you're not proposing. You're just making contact, getting a reaction. Any reaction is ok, except projectile vomiting. But, what are the chances of that-- A Dingoes Ate My Babies song comes on. Willow gets a horrificly depressed look. Riley : Are you ok? Willow : This song... Riley : Oh, yeah, it's a tape of some bands from last year's party. Associations? Willow : Big. Riley : Bad? A.J.! (He makes a cutting motion. A.J. changes the music ignoring the murmer of protest from the crowd.) Willow : Thank you. Now go find Buffy. Riley : There's no hurry. I mean, if you want to talk. Willow : No, I... I want you to find Buffy and tell her that I went home and not to worry about me. Which at least will give you something to say. Riley : Thanks. Willow : You'll do fine. (She leaves and Riley journeys to find Buffy. He walks over to Buffy and puts his hand on her shoulder.) Buffy : Hey. Riley : Um, Willow said to say that she took off. (Buffy looks upset.) Oh, no, she's ok. Kind of blue, but she said not to worry. Buffy : Thank you. Riley : You know... I wanted to ask you something. Buffy : Ask away. Xander runs in interupting them. Xander : Buffy! I've been looking all over for you. We need... Need to talk, uh, not here. It's sort of... Unfinished business. Buffy : Business? Right. Uh, excuse us? Riley : No problem. Forrest walks up. Forrest : Denied. Riley : It's not like she blew me off. She just left with another guy, that's all. Forrest : We need you downstairs, anyway. (They head downstairs.) You know, I hate to say it, but they're probably on their way to make crazy naked sex. Riley : Is that necessary? They stand in front of a mirror and a glowing green light scans them. Forrest : I'm protecting you, buddy. I don't want to see you mooning over some freshman for the next 3 months. Computer: Retinal scan accepted. They enter the elevator that opens up in the wall. Riley : I like her. Graham : I'm on your side, here. Riley : I know you are, Graham. That's what gives me the strength to put up with this comedian. Forrest : Dude, straight tip: I know girls. Riley : Exactly! Girls, plural. I'm talkin' about one girl. (He leans into a microphone.) One girl. Computer: Initiative vocal code match complete. Special agent Finn, Riley. Identity number 75329. They enter the massive under ground bat cave like facility that is the headquarters of the Initiative. Riley : The problem is, what kind of girl is gonna go out with a guy who's acting all joe regular by day and then turns all demon-hunter by night? Graham: Maybe a peculiar one. Riley: Thank you, Graham. You see, forrest? You don't have to be so negative all the time. Hold up. Situation? They walk over to where Prof. Walsh is standing in a white lab coat. Walsh : Gentlemen, suit up. We have a code red. Hostile 17 has escaped. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Walsh: Here's what we know, and it isn't much: Hostile 17 broke restraints at exactly 2:47 P.M. Graham, Forrest and Riley are almost done putting on thier gear. Forrest: That's a big head start. Walsh : Gets bigger every time you interrupt me. It was bagged and tagged locally, so assume it knows the area. The creature has every advantage right now. Fail to recapture it, and everything we've worked for-- The initiative itself-- could end tonight. Riely : Nobody's failin' on my watch. Walsh : Glad to hear it. Gentlemen, agent Finn is now in charge of this operation. I'm counting on you, Riley. Riley : We start with the basic mobilization pattern. 3 Teams. Sweep and search, just like practice. Thorough but fast. C-team: Take the campus perimeter. Make sure it can't leave. Stake it if you gotta, but only as a last resort. B-team: You're going down. Tunnels, sewers, cemeteries. Gates and miller are with me. We take the heart of campus and work our way out. All units, maintain radio contact early and often. Who's got questions? Move! Cut to Giles apartment where Buffy, Xander and Giles are gathered. Buffy: What is wrong with him? Doesn't spike get that this is my town? Giles : He's resilient. Buffy : And it's my night off. Xander : I'm sure he'd pick another night if he knew you were busy with teutonic boy toy. Buffy: What is that supposed to mean? Xander : Nothing. Buffy : Riley's a doof. He's not teutonic. Giles: We have to assume that Spike's main target is you, Buffy. Buffy: Fine. You know what? He's worn out his welcome. Tonight, I k*ll him. Giles : You have a plan? Buffy : I am the plan. If spike wants me, I go alone... No arguments. Lead him away from the popular places and give him what he wants. Buffy gets up to leave and Xander goes after her. Xander : Oh, wait, wait! Take this. He gives her a flare g*n. Buffy : A flare g*n? Xander, if I find spike, I'm staking him, not signalling ships at sea. Xander : You get into trouble... Buffy : Ok. I'll flare. Xander : And we'll come a-runnin'. (Buffy leaves.) Do you think Spike'll find her? Giles : I'm sure of it. Cut to Spike sitting at a computer. He's scrolling down a list of student dorm names and thier housing. He reaches Buffy's name. Spike : Hello, gorgeous. Cut to the woods where Graham, Forrest and Riley are leaving a wooden shed type thing. They walk to a clearing where they see Buffy sitting on a park bench alone through binoculars. Riley : What've we got? Graham : Civilian, sir. Graham gives him his binoculars and Riley looks through them recognising Buffy. Riley : Ah, damn. Forrest : She's compromising the area. At least she's not making crazy, naked sex. Riely : Told you. We gotta clear her outta there... Fast. Forrest : Maybe not. Just thinking. If you were hostile 17, living off the crap we feed 'em, what would you rather eat than that? Riley : You wanna use the girl I got a crush on as bait? Forrest : I can tag a hostile at 50 yards. Riley : Denied. Forrest : She'd be safe the entire-- Riley : I said denied, agent. Forrest : Did you just pull rank on me? Riley : Do you have a problem with that? Forrest : No, sir. So, how're we gonna get her out of there? Riley, no longer wearing kevlar walks up to where Buffy is sitting on the bench. Buffy : Riley! What are you doing here? Riley : Well, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you after the party. You left so fast. You know, with your friend... Who's a boy. Buffy : Uh, xander? He's not anyone that I... Want to talk about, right now. Um... You know, I don't want you taking this the wrong way... It's just, um... I need a little alone time now... Alone. Riley : Why? Buffy : I need space. Riley : We're outdoors. Buffy : Emotionally. (She pauses looking for something better to say and gives up.)I mean, emotionally... Riley : You know, there's plenty of space back in your room why don't I take you? You wouldn't believe the weirdos out at this hour. He starts to lead her off. Buffy : Whoa! Ok... It's a free campus. Who died and made you John Wayne? Riley : I'm just trying to help. Buffy : You think I need help? Believe me, I don't. You know, if you were a real gentleman, then you would just leave. You would go far, far away, now! Shoo! Riley : Are you drunk? Buffy : Yes! Go and report me. Riley : I'm taking you home. Come on. He goes to grab her and lead her off. Buffy : Oh, did you ever think maybe I'm gonna take you home, huh? What? You think that boys can take care of themselves and girls need help? Riley : Yeah. Buffy : That is so teutonic. Riley : Look, Buffy, as long as you're out here, I'm staying. Buffy : Well, as long as you're out here, I'm staying. They hear a scream. Riley : Gotta go. Buffy : See ya! They both run off in opposite directions. Riley : Tell me we're tracking. They're looking a some sort of tracking device. Graham : Honing a signal. Got it... Heading west. Better be the hostile. Forrest: All units converge, all units converge. Hard target sighted. Heading 1-2 alpha niner. Let's bag it before this gets ugly. Cut to Willow and Buffy's dorm room. Willow's moping again on her bed listening to sad music. There's a knock at the door. Willow : Come in. (Spike walks in. Willow is immediatly alarmed and gets up.) Spike! Wh-what do you want? Uh, a spell? I can do that. She goes to run past him, but he grabs her and and throws her against her dresser. Spike : I'll give you a choice. (He walks over to her.) Now I'm gonna k*ll you. No choice in that. But... I can let you stay d*ad... Or... Bring you back, to be like me. Willow : I--I'll scream. Spike : Bonus. Willow screams. Spike throws her on the bed and then turns the radio up to a blaring level. Willow: No! Spike jumps on her and they battle but he goes to bite her. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spike : I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before. (He's sitting on Willow's bed.) Willow : Maybe you were nervous. Spike : I felt all right when I started. Let's try again. (He leaps on her and draws back immediatly. He tries again and the same thing happens.) Ow! Oh! Ow! Damn it! (He gets up and kicks the dresser. He starts to pace around the room.) Willow : Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire? Spike : Not to me, it doesn't! Willow : It's me, isn't it? Spike : What are you talking about? Willow : Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. I--I... You didn't want to bite me. I just happened to be around. Spike : Piffle! Willow : I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, "ooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "oh, you're such a good friend." Spike : Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat. Willow : Really? Spike sits on her bed again. Spike : Thought about it. Willow : When? Spike : Remember last year, you had on that... Fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath? Willow : I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool. Spike : Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fang-y and "rrrr!" Takes the mystery out. Willow : But if you could... Spike : If I could, yeah. Willow : You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying. Spike : Don't patronize me. Cut to the outside of Willow's dorm. Graham, Forrest and Riley are hiding in the bushes, peering at a tempeture senor. Graham: I'm getting a picture... Signature's locked. Riely : What've we got? Graham : Humans of the freshman variety. 98.6, 98.6... Bingo! Got a cold one. Thermal output clockin' in at exactly... Room temperature. Vampire. Call in a standard triangle flanking maneuver. Riley : We're going in. I need a lockdown on grid 6. Spike : I'm only 126. Willow : You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or... (She picks up a lamp and smashes it over his head. She runs over to her door and tries to leave, but it's locked.) The lights go out outside in the hall. Riley, Graham and Forrest run in the dorm wearing night vision goggles. They race up the stairs and when they reach the top students scramble out of thier way. They head down the hall and reach Willow's room. They bust the door down and Willow races out knocking them out of the way. One of them points the tranquilizer g*n at Willow. Riley: No, hold your f*re! Spike rushes out and slams Graham into a wall. Willow cowers in a corner. Spike rushes over to bite Graham but can't due to a sevre burst of pain. Graham: It's on me! (Spike rushes over to bite Graham but can't due to a sevre burst of pain.) Spike: Aah! Commando : Move! Spike struggles but is eventually contained. Commando : Bag it, tag it. We're gone. Sir... Civilian. Could have turned. (Referring to Willow cowering in a corner.) Riely : Leave her. Commando : We can't neglect quarantine, sir! Spike breaks free. He grabs a f*re extingusher and smashes a commando with it. Another goes to sh**t him, but he holds up the extinguisher and it's sh*t, which makes the hall fill with CO2 gas. Willow crawls towards her room. Commando : Stop her! A commando grabs her. Commando : She's contained. Buffy: Contain this! (The commando who has Willow turns around and is blinded as his night vision goggles are overloaded when Buffy sh**t off the flare g*n. The flare bounces around the room.) All: Aah! Ow! I'm blind! What the hell was that? The commandos tear off thier goggles. Buffy shooes Willow into thier room. Buffy begins to fight the commandos. (Neither she nor Riley recognize each other. Riley is blnded and Buffy doesn't recognize him because of the disguise of his gear and face mask.) Buffy is redireced into a wall by Riley. Spike sees a way to escape and does. Buffy gets up and dodges a kick, then a punch and then reciptorcated and lands a punch. She gets him in a corner and lands about a dozen quickly repeated punches on his stomach. He get ahold of himself, then punches Buffy in the face. She flies back. Cut to Spike who runs down the hall and jumps out a window. Graham and Forrest follow him, but stop at the window. Cut back to Buffy and Riley fighting. Buffy is redirected into a wall. She gets up and slams him in the face with a folding chair. She delivers a roundhouse kick and flips him over onto the floor. He gets up and through his hazy vision relizes there's something amiss. Riley : Abort! Cut to the Initiative facility. Walsh : I'm sure you'll understand if I seem far from happy. Riley: Yes, ma'am. If you read my report you'll see-- Walsh : Hostile 17's found an accomplice who's smart, aggressive, and somehow escapes description. Forrest : Whoever he was, the guy was big. Graham : Strong, too. Riley : Whoever... Or whatever. Walsh: I'm not interested in guess work, gentlemen. Call me old-fashioned. I like results. This report reads like a child's riddle book. Agent Finn, tell me something good. My implant? Riley : The implant works. Hostile 17 can't harm any living creature, In any way, without intense neurological pain. We'll bag it. Walsh : Yes, you will. Dismissed. Cut to the next day. Riley sees Buffy walking across the campus. He heads towards her. Riley : Hey. Buffy : Hi. Riley : Listen, sorry about last night. Buffy : No, no... I was rude. I just felt like being alone. Sometimes it's nice to be out by yourself at night. Riely : I hear that. Gotta be careful, though. Lotta strange... People out there. Buffy : Oh, yeah. Riley : How's willow doing? Buffy : Ok. 'Course, that stupid fraternity prank on our dorm didn't help any. Riley : That's right. I forgot you guys live in stevenson. Buffy : You knew that? Riley : Well, Willow and I were... I thought she might be able to help me on a project. Buffy : Really? That work out for you? Riley : Don't know yet. Buffy : Uh, last night... At the party, You wanted to tell me something? Riley : Oh, yeah. Very important stuff. I don't remember any of it now. But you would have been fascinated, possibly even moved. Did Willow tell you I like cheese? Buffy : You're a little peculiar. Riley : I can live with that. BLACK OUT

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x07 - The Initiative"}

foreverdreaming

This transcript is merely for those that do not have access to Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the TV. It is not to infringe on any copyrighted material, merely to spread and promote BTVS. Feel free to distribute this, so long as there are no modifications made. ~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Cut to a forresty area. We see a guy walking along. He pauses as a branch breaks nearby. He continues walking after a minute. He turns around and sees Buffy. Guy : Oh! Buffy : Looking for me? Guy : Holy--what do you want? Buffy punches him. The guy looks startled, then vamps out. Vampire : Uhh! Hey! Buffy : Look who's home? Vampire : A slayer. Why don't you just go back where you came from? Things were great before you came. Buffy punches him again, then kicks him. He goes down and as he gets he backhands her in the stomach. She backhands him in the face and he hits the ground. As he's getting up she grabs him from behind and stakes him. Buffy : And they say one person can't make a difference. We then pan to where Angel can be seen hiding in the foiliage. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Cut to a lawn outside a building site. We see the dean on a podium making a speech. There is a small gathering watching. Dean guerrero: Of all the duties of a dean, one of the most pleasant is to see a colleague realize a dream. Ladies, gentlemen, students, I present to you professor Gerhardt of the anthropology department. Prof Gerhardt replaces the dean at the podium. Gerhardt : When I first realized we were outgrowing our current cultural center, I was concerned. Then I realized It was like seeing one's child grow up and move on to better things. In this case, a spacious new facility to be built on this site... Cut to where Buffy, Willow and Anya are standing together. Xander is at the site as a construciton worker. Anya : Look at him. Have you ever seen anything so masculine? Buffy : You mean guerrero or his wife? Willow : I think she means... (Referring to Xander who's waiting to begin digging.) Buffy : Oh. Very manly. Not at all village people. (Yes, very village people, actually.) So much sexier than the outfit from his last job. Willow : Oh, I miss the free hot dogs on sticks. Anya : I'm imagining having sex with him right now. Back to Gerhardt continuing her speech. Gerhardt : And that's why it's appropriate that the ground-breaking for the uc sunnydale cultural partnership center is taking place so soon before thanksgiving. Because that's what the melting pot is about-- Contributions from all cultures, making our culture stronger... Cut to the girls again, Buffy begins to clap but stops as Willow interjects. Willow : What a load of horse hooey. Buffy : We have a counterpoint? Willow : Yeah. Thanksgiving isn't about blending of 2 cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another. And then they make animated specials about the part where, with the maize and the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where all the bison die and squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach. Buffy : Ok. Now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother? Willow : Well, yeah, sort of. That's why she doesn't celebrate thanksgiving or columbus day-- You know, the destruction of the indigenous peoples. I know it sounds a little overwrought, but really, she's...She's right. Buffy : Yeah. I guess I never really thought about it that way. With mom at aunt darlene's this year, I'm not getting a thanksgiving. Maybe it's just as well. Anya : Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice. Buffy : It's not really a one of those. Anya : To commemorate a past event, you k*ll and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice, with pie. Back to the professor's speech. Gerhardt : ...And thus, a symbolic beginning. She goes over and commences with the ground breaking ceremony. Anya : (Inscensed.) What's she doing? Xander said he was going to dig. I want to see Xander dig. Buffy : That's part's just ceremonial. Anya : Well, it bites. She's not rippling at all. Oh. Look, there he goes. (We see Xander begin digging in earnest. She sighs.) Look at him. Willow : Very...Diggy. Anya : Soon he'll be sweating. I'm imagining having sex with him again. Buffy : Imaginary Xander is quite the machine. Xander is still digging when suddenly the ground breaks away beneath him. He plumments to an underground chamber. Xander : Uhh! Ow. I'm ok! I'm, uh... I'm ok! (He looks around.) Where am I okay? We see Angel in the shadows hiding behind trees again. He's staring up at Buffy's window. Cut to Buffy and Willow's room. Willow : While they were pulling Xander out, I heard a couple of the anthro professors talking about it. Man, were they excited. It's the old sunnydale mission, which everyone thought was lost. Buffy : (Staring out the window.) Huh? Willow : Is there something out there? Buffy : Hmm? Oh. No. I'm sorry. A lost mission. I mean, a hairbrush I can understand. And by the way, I will find that and get that back to you. But how do you lose a mission? Willow : Huge earthquake in 1812. Everyone just assumed the mission was leveled. Instead, they built right over it. It's like what happened in the thirties with that church the master was in. Doesn't it make you wonder what else is there, like, right under our feet? Buffy : Mostly, I've just found sewers full of demons. Willow : Oh, right. (Outside we hear students running mad through the halls with excitement.) Man, it's crazy out there. Buffy : Mm-hmm. Post-midterm frenzy. And the holiday. Everyone's going home. Willow : It looks like a lot of lucky moms are gonna be getting brimming baskets of dirty laundry. Buffy : It's so not fair. I mean, they all get a family holiday just because they can go home to their families. Willow : Hmm, it's a turvy-topsy world. Buffy : You know what? I should have my own thanksgiving. I can cook the meal, just like my mom does, have all you guys over. It'll be great. Willow : Buffy, earlier you agreed with me about Thanksgiving. It's a sham. It's all about death. Buffy : It is a sham, but it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham. Willow : You're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one. Buffy : I know... But I want it. It's like professor Walsh was saying about sense memory. I smell a roasting turkey, and I'm 8 years old. I liked having that to look forward to. Everything's different now. Willow : Well, I suppose there could be slight yams. Buffy : I mean, we could definitely use a little comfort food. I bet giles doesn't have any plans. And Xander always tries to avoid all of his family gatherings. Willow : Ooh. We could not invite anya. Buffy : I don't know. She and xander seem pretty tight lately. Look, pilgrims aside, isn't that the whole point of thanksgiving-- Everybody has a place to go? Cut to Spike walking around the forrest, wearing a blanket looking desolate. Cut to Riley, Graham and Forrest in commando gear, patrolling the forrest looking for Spike. Forrest : Man, I'm b*at. Riley : We'll do one more sweep, then cash it in. Forrest : I gotta pack tonight. You got a flight? Riley : Wednesday night. Professor walsh wants me here for the debriefing. Forrest : That's a pretty short thanksgiving. Riley : Hey, with a hostile on the loose, we're lucky to be going home at all. Forrest : It's neutered. The implant works great. He can't hurt a single living thing. Riley : As long as he knows about the initiative, he's a thr*at. We do this the professor's way. Forrest : (Coughing the words.) Mama's boy. Riley : That's a nasty cough. You might need to spend the weekend in quarantine. Forrest : Oh, no. I'm done coughing. Riley : I just don't want anyone getting sick. (He pats Forrest on the arm.) Cut to Xander's basement/room. Anya comes in as Xander is finishing dressing for work. He looks worn out. Anya : Xander, what are you doing? You're supposed to be digging. I went to watch you digging, and you weren't there doing it. Xander : I'm going now. Just...Kinda tough getting going today. Anya : (Feeling his forehead.) Your head is moist. Oh! You're sick. Well, you can't go to work. Xander : (Anya pushes him back on the bed.) Uh. Oh. Anya? Anya : You're pasty and wet and disgusting. They can dig without you. Xander : (Groaning.) Look-- I don't really feel that bad. Anya : I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon, and you look like you're getting all of them. Xander : (Giving in.) Ok. I'll stay. But you should go. You could catch it. Anya : (Perkily.) We'll die together. It's romantic. Let me get your trousers off. (She begins to undress him.) Xander : You're a strange girlfriend. Anya : I'm a girlfriend? Xander : Uh...There's a chance I'm delirious. Anya : Ah, yes. Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far, I like it. Cut to the Professor Gerhardt on the phone. Gerhardt : It's a very exciting opportunity. I can't wait to go down there myself. It's just...Well, it's means we're going to have to start looking for a new location. ... No, it's really up to the dean. ... I just hope this doesn't cost us another year. ... Ok. Talk to you later. We see green smoke coalesing around an ancient Kn*fe. The professor inspects it and the smoke turns into a native american. He grabs the Kn*fe, seizes the professor and slits her throat. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Willow and Buffy are inspecting the site of the professors death. Willow : I'll never get used to this. One day, she's at the friendship ceremony. The next day, she's on the news. The coroner's office said she was missing an ear. So I'm thinking, Maybe we're looking for a witch. There's some great spells that work much better with an ear in the mix. Buffy : That's one fun little hobby you've got there, Will. Willow : Or...Or maybe an ear-harvesting demon that--it's, like, building another demon completely out of ears. Or...Ooh. Thought. We're just assuming someone else cut off the ear. What if it was self-inflicted, like van gogh? Buffy : So...She brutally s*ab herself, dumped the body, then cut off her own ear? Willow : No. She cut off her ear, then k*lled herself, then dumped the body-- I'm really off my game, aren't I? Buffy : Yeah. Wait. Something's missing from this case. (She reads the inscription.) "Early 1800 chumash Kn*fe." There's a picture. Willow : What's it look like? Cut to Buffy in Giles kitchen getting the food ready for thanksgiving dinner. Buffy : Pretty darn scary. It more like a riot than a ralph's. Buffy : I thought I was going to have to use slayer moves on this one woman who was completely hoarding the pumpkin pie filling. Giles : And at some point, you are going to tell me about the m*rder? Buffy : Oh, right. The Kn*fe was some sort of indian artifact. Chumash, I think. That's all we got. Giles : Oh, chumash indians. They were indigenous to this whole area. Buffy : That's interesting. Giles : Then, of course, the m*rder w*apon might have just been a convenient choice. Buffy : Uh-uh. There was a big ol' scissors lying right there. That Kn*fe was picked for a reason. Do you even own a turkey pan? Giles : Tell me again why we're not doing this at your house. Buffy : Giles, if you would like to get by in american society, then you are going to have to follow our traditions. You're the patriarch. You have to host the festivities, or it's all meaningless. Giles : And this is in no way an elaborate scheme to stick me with the cleanup? Buffy : How about that ceremonial Kn*fe, huh? Pretty juicy piece of clueage, don't you think? Giles : Yes, all right, I'll look into the chumash connection and see if there's any ritual significance to the ear removal. Buffy : Thank you. (Buffy pauses looking lost in thought.) Giles : You all right? Buffy : Yeah. Uh... I still need to pick up a few things, so I'll check in. And keep your hands off the food. Giles : Oh, I'll try and restrain myself from eating uncooked potatoes and cranberries. Buffy leaves and Angel walks out from a room in the back of the apartment. Giles : So, what do you think? Angel : She sounds good. Kind of intense about this thanksgiving thing. Giles : I think perhaps she's a little lonely, but I meant about the m*rder. Angel : Whatever k*lled the woman in the museum, that's probably the danger. Giles : Yeah, well, this danger, your friend has some ominous vision about Buffy. It's all terribly vague. I mean, there are other things happening on this campus. Angel : Well, maybe I'm wrong, but I gotta try something. I can't just keep watching. Gilse : I'm glad that you're watching out for her, but I feel I should remind you that she's not helpless and it's not your job to keep her safe. Angel : It's not yours anymore, either. Are you going to walk away? Giles : All right. But I feel we should tell her. I don't like keeping this secret. Angel : No. If she knew I was here, it was distract her. It could get her hurt. I don't want to get in the way. Giles : Um, I'm assuming that there's some connection to the old mission. Something is angry about being disturbed. Angel : Or maybe it was trapped there, and now it's released. Something that has a fondness for ancient w*apon. You know father gabriel? Giles : No. Angel : He knows the history of this place pretty well. His family dates back to mission times. He might be able to fill in some blanks. Giles : Ok. Well, I'll see about contacting him. Where are you going? Angel : To watch her. Giles : It's not fair. You know that's what she'd say. You can see her, but she can't see you? Angel : Believe me, I'm not getting the good half of this deal. To be on the outside looking in at what I can't... Well, I'd forgotten how bad it feels. Cut to Willow and Buffy walking along outside, in the business district. Willow : But you have whipped cream. I saw it in giles' fridge. Buffy : But that's whipped cream in a canister. Look, it's only right if you whip it yourself. Willow : Hey, and then later, we can churn our own butter and make sweaters out of sheep. Buffy : Ok. It's the last thing. I promise. Besides, I have an appointment with that priest that Giles called about. He thinks he might have some information. Riley: (Runs up to them.) Buffy? Hey, Buffy. Buffy : Riley. Where'd you come from? I didn't see you at all. Riley : Oh, just across the street... And a couple of blocks down. Hey, willow. Willow : Hi. Well, I'm just gonna let you two... Look, they're selling coffee in the coffee shop. Yum. (She runs into the coffee shop and into Angel. He grabs her and covers her mouth with his hand. She's trying to talk through it and it comes out garbled.) Oh! Angel-- evil! You're all evil again. Angel : I'm not evil. I'm here to help Buffy. (He removes his hand and lets her go.) Willow : What's going on? Angel : My friend had a vision. Buffy's in danger. Willow : So tell her. Help her. Angel : If she sees me, it'll be worse. Willow : See, I don't get that, all this "leaving for her own good" garbage. Because that's what it is. You can't just give up because there's obstacles. What kind-- Angel : (Interupting her tirade.) Willow. Willow : Sorry. My stuff. Angel : You know how I feel about her. If there was any way... Willow : Yeah. I know. Angel : It's just...Everything's different now. Willow : Hey, is cordelia really working for you? 'Cause that's gotta be a special experience. Of all the people you could've hired. Angel : Willow, I'm here to protect Buffy. I don't have a whole lot of time for personal stuff. Willow : Right. Well, how can I help? Angel : Well, if you can just tell me... (Looking out the window. He sees Buffy and Riley chatting.) Who's that guy? Cut to outside where Buffy and Riley are talking. Buffy : It'll be just like it was when I was a kid. Only without me building a fort out of my mashed potatoes. Riley : Sounds like fun. Buffy : It will be. Um, you know, if you don't already have plans... You should come. I'm a great cook... In theory. I've eaten a lot. Riley : That sounds so great, but I'm outta here tonight. I caught a last-minute flight back to Iowa. Buffy : Iowa. That's one of the ones in the middle, right? Riley : My folks are there. We always do thanksgiving at my grandparents' house. A little farm outside Huxley. Buffy : Sounds nice. Riley : It is. After dinner, we all go for a walk down by the river with the dogs. There's trees and... And I know what you're thinking. It's like I grew up in a grant wood painting. Buffy : Exactly. If I knew who that was. Riley : Just a guy who painted stuff that looked like where I grew up. Buffy : Well, have fun at the homestead. Riley : Always do. What's the line? Home's the place that, when you have to go there... Buffy : They have to take you in. Cut to Harmony's crypt. She's advancing towards Spike yelling at him. Harmony : Get out. Spike : (Leaning against a wall.) But, baby, this is where I belong. Harmony : (Pointing.) Out. I mean it. I've been doing a lot of reading, and I'm in control of my own power now, so we're through. She backs up as Spike advances towards her. He grabs her abruptly. He begins to kiss her shoulder. She looks uncertain. Spike : You don't mean that. Harmony : Yes, I do. I...I do. (Spike picks her up and carrys her over to the bed.) I mean it a lot. Spike : See? I knew you'd end up welcoming be back (He begins to stroke her legs.) With open...Arms. (He leans into kiss her.) Harmony : No. (She pushes him away.) I'm powerful, and I'm beautiful, and I don't need you to complete me. (She goes around the bed and lifts the matress revealing a stake which she grabs.) And you're mean. (She stands up holding the stake up.) Spike : (Backpedeling, then falling off the bed.) You had that in our bed? Do you know how dangerous that is? Harmony : (Advancing on him.) Let's find out. Spiek : You wouldn't do it. (Backing up as she walks towards him still wielding the stake.) Harmony : You did it to me, remember? Spike : All right. All right, I'll go. Just-- (He falls.) Harmony : What? Spike : Can I have someone to eat? She goes to stake him and he runs off. Cut to the outside of a church. Inside we see Buffy walking around. Buffy : Father gabriel? Father gabriel? (She goes through a set of double doors.) Father? Are you out here? (She sees the indian in the middle of slicing the throat of the priest he's hung.) God. Buffy runs the rest of the way to the indian and punches him in the stomach. She then redirects him a few feet away. He gets up to a defensive crouch, in a fighting stance. Indian : You can't stop me. Buffy : You're very wrong about that. He rushes her again, but she sidesteps him and redirects him forward, which makes him slam his head into a conviently low hung bell. He lands a few feet back, gets up and tries to slice Buffy with his Kn*fe. She dodges back again. He tries to punch her and she dodges, making him h*t an ornemental stand. Hus : Yaugh! (They fall and he is on top of her, wielding a Kn*fe.) I am vengeance. I am my people's cry. They call for hus, for the avenging spirit to carve out justice. Buffy : They tell you to start an ear collection? (She kicks high, which throws him off. She rolls over, punching him, then slams his Kn*fe arm into a tree but he doesn't let go. He punches her, but she kicks the legs out from under him. She grabs him and he's stuck holding his Kn*fe to his throat.) Hus : You slaughtered my people. Now you k*ll their spirit. This is a great day for you. She shoves him away and he gets up. Then he turns into a group of bats and they fly off. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Cut to Buffy and Giles in his kitchen again. They're back to getting dinner ready. Buffy's checking the settings on the stove and Giles peeling vegetables in the sink. Giles : It's clear we're dealing with a spirit of some kind. It's very common for indian spirits to change to animal form. Buffy : It's plenty uncommon for me to freeze up during a fight. I mean, I had the guy, I was ready for the take-down, and I stopped. And native american. Giles : Sorry? Buffy : We don't say "indian." Giles : Oh, right. Yes, yes. Um, always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as "bloody colonials." Buffy : And the thing is, I like my evil like I like my men-- evil. You know, "straight up, black hat, "Tied to the train tracks, soon my electro-ray will destroy metropolis" bad. Not all mixed up with guilt and the destruction of an indigenous culture. Giles : This spirit warrior-- hus, you called him-- Has k*lled innocent people. Buffy : Ok. You know what? We need to boil those and put them through the ricer. Giles : I don't think I have a ricer. Buffy : You don't have a ricer? What do you mean? How could someone not have a ricer? Giles : Well, do you have one at home? Buffy : I don't know. What's a ricer? Giles : We'll mash them with forks, much like the pilgrims must have. Did you catch the part about the innocent people? Buffy : Yes. Ok? And I do want to stop him. I'd just like to find a non-slayee way to do it. There's a knock at the door. Buffy opens it and we see Willow standing with a huge pile of books. Buffy : Hey. Willow : Hey. Buffy : Peas? Willow : Peas. Buffy takes the small box of peas leaving Willow to struggle with a mound of books. Buffy : These are frozen. Giles : What's all that? Willow : Atrocities. I got the full poop on the chumash indians and our fabulous buried mission. Buffy : You said you were going to get fresh ones. Willow : Atrocities? Buffy : Peas. They come in little pods. You were going to shell them. Willow : I didn't have time. I was busy reading about the chumash w*r. Giles : The chumash were peaceful. Willow : Oh, they were peaceful, all right. They were fluffy indigenous kittens, till we came along. Buffy : They're gonna be mushy. Willow : They won't be mushy. Giles : I like mushy peas. Buffy : You're the reason we had to have pilgrims in the first place. So what happened to the chumash? Willow : How about imprisonment, forced labor, herded like animals into a mission full of bad european diseases. Buffy : Boy. Cultural partnership center really didn't stress any of that stuff. Willow : Not even a diorama. And it gets better. The few chumash who tried to rebel were hanged. And when a group was accused of stealing cattle, they were k*lled-- Men, women, and children. And for proof to bring back to their accusers... Giles : They cut off their ears? Buffy : So hus wasn't kidding about the rightful vengeance routine. Giles : He's recreating all the wrongs done to his people. And it's up to us to stop him. Buffy : Yes, but after dinner, right? Willow : Are you sure we shouldn't be helping him? Giles : No, I think perhaps we won't help the angry spirit with his r*pe and pillage and m*rder. Willow : Well, ok, no, but we should be helping him redress his wrongs. Bring the atrocities to light. Giles : If the history books are full of them, I'd say they already are. Willow : Giving his land back. Giles : It's not exactly ours to give. Willow : I don't think you wanna help. I think you just wanna slay the demon, then go-- La la la Giles : And I think your sympathy for his plight has blinded you to certain urgent facts. We have to stop this thing. Willow : Ok, unfeeling guy. Giles : Willow, that's not fair. Buffy : (Running to the kitchen.) I have to baste. Giles : Willow, I-- (in hushed tones)I have reason to believe buffy herself may be in particular danger from this menace. Willow : You mean... Angel? I saw him, too. Giles : That's not terribly stealthy of him. Willow : I think he's lost his edge. Giles : But buffy doesn't know. Willow : Oh, no, not a peep. Giles : Well, that's good, but this is why I think we should all keep a level head in this. Willow : And I happen to think mine is the level head, and yours is the one things would roll off of. There is another knock at the door. Giles opens it and Anya and Xander are there. Xander : Happy thanksgiving. Giles : Xander. You look like death. Willow : Are you ok? Buffy : You didn't bring rolls? Xander and Anya walk in. Xander lays on the couch and Anya tends to them. Xander : The doctor couldn't figure out was up with me. He said I had a lot of symptoms that didn't connect. Buffy : I think they do connect. Xander : What, to this chumash spirit vengeance guy? Buffy : Didn't you say the chumash got all diseased when they were all holed up in the mission? Willow : Yeah. This has a better account of everything. It lists the various-- Xander : Various? As in... Willow : Well, the important thing is not to panic. Xander : You just recited the mystical panic-causing incantation, so little hope there. Let's talk about the various. Willow : Well, they did suffer from malaria, some smallpox-- Anya : I was gonna say smallpox. Willow : (Softly mumbly) You know, syphilis, but basically-- Xander : (In shock.) Syphilis? Willow : Well, but this is probably mystical, and it'll all go away as soon as-- Xander : As soon as what? Willow : We still don't know what we're gonna do. Well, maybe I can find something. Let's give him some land. Giles : I'm sure that'll clear everything right up. Willow : Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, giles. Giles : It's sort of an end in itself. Xander : Can we come rocketing back to the part about me and my new syphilis? Anya : (Stroking his forehead.) It'll make you blind and insane, but it won't k*ll you. The smallpox will. Willow : Maybe there's a wiccan spell that can cure it. Something regular medicine doesn't know. Ooh, there was a potion. (She looks through a book and pulls out a piece of paper and begins reading.) Sage, salt...Onion? Buffy : That's the stuffing. Xander : Oh, god. Anya : Uh, you're gonna get vesicles and pustules. They have pictures. (Tries to show him the book.) Xander : I hate this guy. Willow : He's just doing what was done to him. Xander : I didn't give him syphilis. Giles : No, but you freed his spirit, and after a century of unrest, he saw you as one of his oppressors. Xander : What, so he rises up and infects the first guy he sees? That's no fair. Willow : Like you've never woken up cranky? Giles : But why the others? Why them particularly? Xander : So we take this guy out. Buffy, it is for to be slaying sometime soon, yeah? Buffy : (Looking up from her stirring.) That's sort of the question before the court. Xander : Question? Willow : There are 2 sides to it. Xander : Slaying him? The representative from syphilis votes yea. Willow : It's not that simple. Xander : He's a vengeance demon. You don't talk to vengeance demons. You k*ll them. Anya : (Drawing back.) I didn't know you felt that way. Xander : (Totally confused.) What? Willow : Anyway, he's a spirit, not a demon. Giles : Yes, and we've never faced this sort of spirit before. We really don't know what will k*ll it. Willow : Again with the k*lling. Giles : Figuratively speaking. Or bind it or whatever. Yes, willow, we all appreciate your perspective. Anya : Sometimes vengeance is justified. Xander : You know that I didn't mean you. Willow : I don't think anyone appreciates the truth of the situation. Giles : Oh, I think we do. Buffy : (Getting up abruptly holding the bowl.) This is no good! It needs more condensed milk. (She flees into the kitchen.) Giles : Buffy, xander's in real danger. Are you sure the solution is pie? Buffy : (Adding more condensed milk.) Over bickering and confusion, I'll take pie. We will find a solution. And we will have a nice dinner, ok? Both. End of story. I'm having thanksgiving, and it'll be perfect. Giles : Hus won't stop. Vengeance is never sated, buffy. Hatred is a cycle. All he will do is k*ll. There's a knock at the door. Buffy goes to answer it and Spike is standing there, cowering below a blanket. Smoke rises as he's being seared by the indirect sun. Spike : Help me. (Buffy shoves him back and he goes tumbling.) Ohh! What part of help me do you not understand? Buffy : The part where I help you. Spike : Come on, I'm parboiling out here. Buffy : (Giles hands her a stake.) Want me to help make it quicker? Spike : Invite me in. Giles : No. It's fairly unlikely. Spike : Oh, damn it! look, I'm safe. I can't bite anyone. Willow, tell' em what I did. Willow : You said you were gonna k*ll me, then buffy. Spike : Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to the part where I couldn't bite you. Willow : It's true. He had trouble perfoing. Spike : Yeah, well, it looks like they've done me for good. Um... Buffy : What are you saying? Spike : I'm saying that spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore. I can't bite anything. I can't even h*t people. Buffy : So you haven't m*rder anybody lately? Let's be best pals. Spike : I've got information. About the soldier boys you were fighting. Got the inside scoop. Come on, what have you got to be afraid of? Cut to Hus performing a ritual to summon other spirits. Hus : First people who dwell in mishupashup, hear me and descend. Walk with me upon itiashup again. Hear me also, nunashush. Spirits from below... Creatures of the night... Take human form and join the battle. Bring me my revenge. We see a cloud of green smoke which turns into a dozen warriors. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Cut to Spike sitting in a chair, being bound by rope by Buffy. Spike : G Grrr. Bloody hell, woman. You're cuttin' off my circulation. Buffy : You don't have any circulation. Spike : Well, it pinches. Buffy : Get used to it. I have more important things to worry about. Spike : I came to you in friendship. (Buffy gives him a look.) Well, all right, seething hatred, but I've got useful information, and I feel I'm being mistreated. Buffy : So tell me everything you know. Spike : I'm too hungry to remember everything. Buffy : Then sit. Anya : (At the stove stirring a pot.) Uh, how much butter goes in with these? Buffy : About half a stick and a quarter cup of brandy. (To Giles.) You do have brandy, don't you? Giles : What? Oh, yes. Um, on the bookcase. Spike : I wouldn't say no to a brandy. Buffy : What's wrong? Giles : The victims. Apart from xander, Hus has targeted authority figures. Father gabriel, the curator of the cultural center. Who else fits this pattern? Buffy : Just a small brandy. Buffy : The dean. Dean guerrero. He's the king of us, And he was at the ceremony. Giles : Likely candidate. We should warn him. Buffy : Will, anything in those books about how to stop a native american spirit guy? Some nice, non-judgmental way to, you know, k*ll him? Willow : I'm not gonna help you k*ll him. I'm not on board. Buffy : What choice do we have? Willow : Buffy, this isn't a western. We're not at fort...Giles with the cavalry coming to save us. It's one lonely guy. Oppressed warrior guy who's just trying to... Buffy : k*ll a lot of people? Willow : I didn't say he was right. Buffy : Will, you know how bad I feel about this. It's eating me up-- (To Anya.) 1/4 Cup of brandy and let it simmer-- (To Willow.) But even though it's hard, we have to end this. Yes, he's been wronged, And I personally would be ready to apologize-- Spike : Oh, someone put a stake in me. Xander : You got a lot of volunteers in here. Spike : I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody indians. Buffy : Uh, the preferred term-- Spike : You won. All right? You came in and you k*lled them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world isn't people making friends. You had better w*apon, and you massacred them. End of story. Buffy : Well, I think the spaniards actually did a lot of-- Not that I don't like spaniards. Spike : Listen to you. How you gonna fight anyone with that attitude? Willow : We don't wanna fight anyone. Buffy : I just wanna have thanksgiving. Spike : Heh heh. Yeah...Good luck. Willow : If we could talk to him-- Spike : You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's k*ll or be k*lled here. Take your bloody pick. Xander : Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... Some of that made sense. Giles : I made these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me. Buffy : Fine, ok? But someone still has to go warn the dean. Willow : I'll go. I need the air. Buffy : Not alone. Anya : I'll go. Xander : Me, too. Buffy : Sure you're up to it? Spike : Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already d*ad. Xander : (Getting up.) I'm up to it. Giles : I'll keep on looking for a solution. Buffy : Yeah. Guys, the dean's house is up past the gym. And hurry. Dinner's in an hour! Spike : Hey, when do I get fed? Buffy : Later. I hope the others are ok. Spike : You know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed? Buffy : I always wondered that. Giles, plates. Spike : Living skeletons, mate. Like famine pictures from those dusty countries, only not half as funny. Buffy : You can have gravy. That has blood in it, right? Spike : Do you know what else has blood in it? Blood. Buffy : Do I have to gag you? Because I am not gonna listen to you whine all the way through my dinner. It's gonna be a nice, quiet, civilized-- Suddenly an arrow pierces the decrotive scarecrow on the table. We see Hus in the window with a bow and arrow. Buffy : You. Listen, maybe I wasn't clear before about how terrible we all feel. 'Cause we're trying to help. Spike : What's going on?! Giles : It isn't working. Buffy : Uh, you can have casinos now. Giles : Get down! Giles and Buffy crouch behind the table as arrows rain through the window. Spike : What about me? You gonna leave me here like this? (An arrow hits him a few inches to the right of his heart.) Hey! Watch the heart! Willow, Anya and Xander are leaving the deans house. Anya : Well, that was a waste of time. Xander : I think he thought we were crazy. Willow : Maybe if anya hadn't opened the conversation with, "Everybody got both ears?" Anya : I liked his wife. She gave me pie. Willow : So what do we do now? Xander : We could stay here and stand watch, or I just don't-- Angel : (Appearing before them. ) Willow. Xander : Angel? Anya : So this is angel. He's large and glowery, isn't he? Xander : He's evil again. Angel : I'm not evil again. Why does everyone think that? Willow : Angel's here to protect buffy. Angel : I haven't been evil for a long time. Willow : She's not supposed to know he's here. Angel, do you have something new? Angel : Yeah. All the chumash w*apon are missing from the cultural center. Something's up. Where's buffy? Willow : Still at giles'. She sent us to check on dean guerrero. Angel : Why the dean? Willow : We think he's going after someone in charge. A leader? Angel : He's a warrior. To a warrior, the leader means the strongest fighter. Willow : Buffy. Angel : He's formed a raiding party. Willow : We gotta get over there. Angel : I'll call her. You get back fast. He crouches down and snaps the chain lock on a bicycle. The phone rings at Giles. He picks it up. Giles : H-hello? Yes. ... Yes, w-w-we're well aware of that. ... We-we're under siege now, actually. ... Thank you. Buffy : Who was that? Giles : A...Someone. Uh, we need a plan. Buffy : Yes, let's talk about it some more. Where's your w*apon chest? Giles : Over there. (He indicates the chest across the room.) Buffy sidles over to the chest after a moments pause, but is sh*t in the arm by an arrow. Buffy : Ohh! Giles : Buffy! Spike : (Riddled with arrows.) Remember that conquering nation thing? Forget it. Apologize. Buffy : Shut up, spike. Spike : Fine, I'll do it myself. Hey, sorry. Sorry about that, chief. Buffy : How many? Giles : Uh, the leader upstairs. 2 By the living room windows. Uh, one through the window by the door. Buffy : It's too many. We need help. Spike : Ok, one... 2... 3. Ow! Bloody hell! Ohh! Buffy : Giles, these guys-- they don't die. Giles : (Wrestling with an Indian who has him by the neck.) Bit busy over here. Spike : (Falling and carrying the chair with him.) Hey! Willow : (Standing with Anya continuing to b*at the Indian with a shovel.) Why...Don't...You...Die?! Angel runs up, grabs the Indian and snaps his neck with a deft twist. Anya : What's he like when he is evil? Angel is grabbed from behind by the neck and struggles. Angel : Help the others! Buffy fighting with Hus slices him with his Kn*fe. This leaves a cut. Buffy : Your Kn*fe can k*ll you. Hus turns into a large bear. Buffy : A bear! Spike : You made a bear! Buffy : I didn't mean to. Spike : Undo it! Undo it! Xander : Hey, gentle ben, over here. (He starts throwing food at him.)That's for giving me syphilis. Buffy s*ab the bear in the back as he's distracted by Xander. Spike : What happened? Did we win? Everyone is gathered around the table eating. Willow : I feel lousy. Giles : Turkey came out rather splendidly. Buffy : Oh, it was yummy. Willow : It's just...Did you see me? 2 Seconds of conflict with an indigenous person, and I turned into general custer. Giles : v*olence does that. Instinct takes over. Spike : Yeah, that's the fun. Buffy : Nobody asked you. Spike : Oh, lay off. You all had a fine meal. Willow : But me...An entire siege. Spike : You'd think one of you would bleed a little. Giles : Good work, buffy... On both counts. Buffy : Thanks. Giles : Well, you know, you should be very pleased. Buffy : Wasn't exactly a perfect thanksgiving. Willow : I don't know. Seemed kinda right to me. A bunch of anticipation, a big fight, and now we're all sleepy. And we did all survive. Buffy : I guess that much is true. Buffy : First thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it. Xander : (Patting Anya on the shoulder.) And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearing right up. Buffy : And they say romance is d*ad. Or maybe they just wish it. Willow : Well, maybe we started a new tradition this year. (She gets a look from everyone.) Maybe not. But at least we all worked together. It was like old times. Xander : Yeah, especially with angel being here and everything. Everyone looks at Buffy.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x08 - Pangs"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Collie. (Oz's room. All his stuff still remains. Willow is walking around, then sits on his bed, bringing one of his shirts to her face and smelling it. Cut to UC Sunnydale student lounge. Buffy is walking through and sees Riley, who is hanging a banner that reads, "UC Sunnydale Lesbian Alliance") Girl: Hey, thanks Riley. (Riley climbs down off the ladder, taking a look. Buffy walks up behind him) Riley: Looks good. (Notices Buffy) Oh, hey Buffy. Buffy: (Jokingly) Is there something you want to tell me? Riley: What? (Buffy looks towards the banner. Riley does the same, catching on) Riley: Oh, yes — I am a lesbian. Buffy: Well, it's good that you're so open about it. (He smiles and they head off through the lounge) Riley: Oh, hey, you know how we were talking about having a picnic? I was thinkin' — do you ever hang out at Rhode's field? It's beautiful there. Usually not that crowded, either. I thought maybe we could have a little spread — sandwiches, maybe some ants? It'll be fun. Buffy: We were talking about having a picnic? Riley: So, was that a conversation I actually had, or one I was just practicing? Buffy: Practicing? Riley: Okay, yes — I have been known to do a little prep work before our conversations. It's not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. It's like an oral exam. Buffy: Boy.. that's just what every girl longs to hear. Riley: Well, you're tricky! Buffy: Like an exam? Riley: I never know how you're going to react to something. That's why I like you so much. You're a mystery. Probably every beautiful girl in the world has some jerk telling her she's a mystery, but.. I swear. You really are. There's a lot about you that needs puzzling out. (Buffy's just staring at him with this whistful look in her eyes) Riley: I loose you somewhere? Buffy: Right around.. beautiful. (He smiles shyly) Riley: Hey — don't you just love a picnic? (Cut to the graveyard. Willow and Buffy are patrolling) Buffy: It's just, different, you know? A picnic. First of all, daylight — kind of a new venue, Buffywise. And the best part — he said he would bring all the food, so all I have to do was to show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at. Willow: So he's nice? Buffy: Very, very. Willow: And there's sparkage? Buffy: Yeah. He's— have you seen his arms? Those are good arms to have. I really like him. I do. Willow: But..? Buffy: I don't know. I really like being around him, you know? And I think he cares about me.. but.. I just.. feel like something's missing. Willow: He's not making you miserable? Buffy: Exactly. Riley seems so solid. Like he wouldn't cause me heartache. Willow: (Fake worry) Get out. Get out while there's still time. Buffy: I know.. I have to get away from that bad boy thing. There's no good there. Seeing Angel in LA.. even for five minutes.. hello to the pain. Willow: The pain is not a friend. Buffy: But I can't help thinking — isn't that where the f*re comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but.. part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting. (Suddenly a vampire jumps out from behind a bush. Buffy stakes him without so much as looking the other way. He crumbles to dust and she and Willow continue on their way) Buffy: I wonder where I get that from. OPENING CREDITS (Cut to Giles' bathroom. Buffy is sitting on the end of the bathtub in which Spike is chained up) Buffy: (Exasperated) So..you saw their faces but you can't describe them. Spike: (Playing coy) Well, they were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle. Buffy: Uh huh. And the lab? Spike: Underground. I came out through an air vent. I don't know exactly where. I'm done. Put the telly on. (Giles enters, carrying a mug that reads "Kiss the Librarian" with a straw protruding from it. It contains blood) Spike: It's about time. Hope you got it warm enough. (Giles hands it to Buffy without saying a word. She takes it, sighs, and makes a face as she puts it close enough to Spike that he can suck through the straw. He makes a big to do out of it, so as to disgust her more.) Spike: I don't know why you're so dainty all of a sudden. You've done this for Angel — you must have. (Buffy pulls the mug away, leaving Spike with the straw dangling from between his lips) Spike: Hey! Give it! Buffy: Okay, that's it. The invalid amnesiac routine is over. The kitchen is closed until you can tell me something useful about the commandos. Spike: I'm tryin' to remember. It was very traumatic. Buffy: How long are you going to pull this crap? Spike: How long am I going to live once I tell you? Giles: Look, look, Spike — we have no intention of k*lling a harmless.. uh, creature.. but we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're .. impotent — Spike: Hey! Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're.. Buffy: Flaccid? Spike: You are one step away, missy. Buffy: (Sarcastically) Giles, help! He's going to scold me. (Spike growls, trying to grab Buffy, but the chains hold him and only make his struggles comical) Buffy: You know what? I don't think you want us to let you go. Maybe we made it a little too comfy in here for ya. Spike: Comfy? I'm chained in a bathtub drinkin' pig's blood from a novelty mug. Doesn't rank huge in the Zagut's Guide. Buffy: You want something nicer? (She leans her head to the side, exposing her throat to him) A look at my.. poor neck? All bare and tender and exposed.. all that blood just .. pumping away.. (Spike, by this time, is all but licking his lips) Giles: Oh, please. Spike: Giles, make her stop. (Giles walks out of the bathroom and into the living room, speaking to Willow who's reading through some books) Giles: If those two don't k*ll eachother, I might lend a hand. Willow: What about a truth spell? I'm not positive it would work on a vampire, but we could try. Make him fess up? Giles: A truth spell, of course. Why didn't I think of that? Willow: ‘Cause you had your hands full with the undead English Patient? (She hands Giles the book she was reading) Giles: Yes.. We'll have a go. Willow: Looks pretty simple. I'll stop by the magick shop tomorrow. Giles: Excellent. Willow: Alright. I'll be back in the morning with donuts and motherwort. Bye, Buffy! I'll see you at home. Buffy: Bye! Giles: Great. Thank you, Willow. (Willow heads out and Giles heads back to the bathroom, where Buffy is once again feeding Spike through the straw) Giles: Um, Willow may have had a very helpful idea. She seems to be coping better with Oz's departure, don't you think? Buffy: She still has a way to go, but yeah — I think she's dealing. Spike: What, are you people blind? She's hangin' on by a thread. Any ninny can see that. (Cut to Oz's room. It's completely bare. Willow enters and stops, looking around, surprised. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Buffy is sitting on her bed and Willow is in her pajamas under the covers of her's, crying) Willow: Devon said that he sent for his stuff. I guess that means he's planning on settling down somewhere.. else. Not here. Buffy: I guess so.. Willow: I feel like I've been split down the center and half of me is lost. Buffy: I know. It feels like that now.. Willow: Oz is gone. (Cut to an aerial view of Sunnydale. Cut to Giles' bathroom where Spike is reaching desperately for the TV, with no success) Spike: (Yells) Come on, now! It's telly time! (Giles is on the phone. The answering machine for Buffy and Willow picks up) Machine: "This is Buffy and Willow. We're not in right now, so please leave a message." Giles: Oh, uh, Willow.. It's Giles. Um.. I thought you were bringing the ingredients for that spell? I really have to— Spike: (v.o.) "Passions" is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll— Giles: (Yells to Spike) You'll do what? Lick me to death? (Cut to Spike, pissed off. He tries to break the chain, but to no avail. Cut back to Giles) Giles: Look, uh.. Willow.. I think we ought to try the spell. Among other things, I'd like to shower sometime today. Alone. (He hangs up. Cut to Spike, sighing exasperated in the tub. Cut to Buffy and Riley at their picnic) Buffy: Driving. Riley: Yeah. Buffy: You seriously drive for fun. Riley: Well, not four-wheeling or anything, but yeah. Don't you? Buffy: Actually, no-wheeling is more my specialty. I'm an avid pedestrian. Riley: You're kidding, right? I mean, you know how to drive.. Buffy: Well, I took the class.. Cars and Buffy are, like .. un-mixy things. Riley: It's just because you haven't had a good experience yet. You can have the best time in a car. It's not about getting somewhere. You have to take your time. Forget about everything. Just.. relax. Let it wash over you. The air.. motion.. Just, let it roll. (The air between them has shifted, the situation has become more intense) Buffy: We are talking about driving, right? Riley: Thought I was. (They share a moment, which Riley snaps out of) Riley: I'm taking you. Some night when it's warm. Up past the vineyards — it's going to change everything for you. Buffy: I'm in. (Willow comes wandering up, all downcast.) Riley: Hey, Willow. (Willow mearly smiles in response) Buffy: Hey. Willow: I interrupted. You've got apples. My mist. (She turns to go) Riley: Wait. Sit. There's plenty to go around. (She smiles softly and joins them) Buffy: Did something happen? Is something wrong? Willow: No.. Everything's fine. Same. Buffy: Oh. Willow: Your apples are turning brown, the way they do. Riley: Yeah, I guess they do that. Buffy: Yeah. Willow: Yeah. (Cut to The Bronze. Swinging, as usual. Anya, Xander, and Buffy share a table) Xander: Geez, you mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even call her? That's pretty harsh. Anya: I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquify his entrails for her. Xander: That's sweet. God, poor Will. No wonder she's— (Cut to Willow, dancing up a storm on the dance floor) Xander: —having a wonderful time. Buffy: Wow. Way to re-bound. Xander: I believe that's the dance of a brave little toaster. (Willow sees them and walks over to the table, just as happy as can be) Willow: Hey, guys! C'mon! This music's great! Xander: It's nice to see you brought your boogie shoes tonight, Will. Willow: Yeah.. I-I know I've been sort of a party-poop lately, so I said to myself, "Self!" I said, "It's time to shake and shimmy it off." Buffy: Sounds like a good policy. Willow: Yeah! And it works, too. You know, I figure, in the grand scheme of things, we're all just— (Willow grabs her jacket and from underneath it falls a bottle of beer, it's contents foaming out) Buffy: Drunk..? (Willow laughs and picks up the bottle) Willow: Drunk.. I mean, that's such a-a strong word. Kind of a guttural Anglo-Saxon word. Drunk. Xander: Will, not loving the drowning of the sorrows. Willow: Not drowning — wading. A-a-and.. See? (She points to the beer bottle) Light. No big. Buffy: No big? Anyone remember when Buffy had the fun beer-fest and went one-million years B.C.? Xander: Sadly without the fuzzy bikini.. Anya: Off topic, Xander. Xander: Right. Topic now. (He gets up and walks to Willow) Will, how about you give me that beer? Willow: No! Why should I? I've got pain, here — big-time legitimate pain. Xander: We all have pain, Will. Willow: Oh, like what? "Oh, poor me.. I live in a basement." Yeah, that's dire. (Xander, offended, just shakes his head and walks back to the table. Buffy stands and takes Willow's arm) Buffy: Okay, you know what? That's it — I'm taking you home. Willow: (Pulls her arm away) No, I don't want to. Buffy: Well, you'll thank me when you still have a friend in the morning. Willow: I just can't stand feeling this way. I want it to be over. Buffy: It will. I promise. But it's gonna take time. Willow: Well, that's not good enough. Buffy: I know. It's just how it is. You have to go through the pain. Willow: Well, isn't there someway I can just make it go away? Just ‘cause I say so? Can't I just make it go ‘poof'? (Buffy just looks at her. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm. Amy the rat is still with us. Buffy is asleep. Willow creeps out of bed and opens the trunk containing all her spell components. Cut to the bathroom. Willow has a circle of red candles surrounding her, an incense censer, a bowl/pentacle in front of her, a goblet of sorts, and three trays containing herbs and such. She is sitting in the middle) Willow: Harken all ye elements, I summon thee now. (She drops something into the bowl/pentacle in front of her.) Control the outside, control within. Land and sea, f*re and wind. Out of my passions, a web be spun. From this eve forth, my will be done. So mote it be. (She pours from the goblet into the bowl/pentacle. A flicker of electricity connect her to the candles and all of the flames rise high, signifying the spell's success. Cut to the dorm room the next morning. Buffy is gone. Willow is looking at herself in a mirror.) Willow: It is my will that my heart be healed. Now. (She sighs and puts the mirror down when nothing happens. Picks up the spellbook) I will that this book speak it's words to me. (She sighs again, putting the book down when nothing happens. She picks up a bent Q-Tip) I will that this Q-Tip gets.. unbendy..? (There's a knock at the door) Willow: Come in. (Giles enters, looking slightly worried) Willow: Giles, what are you doing here? Giles: I'm.. a bit concerned about you, actually. Willow: Did Buffy tell you about the beer, 'cause.. Giles: Uh, Buffy didn't tell me anything.. Willow: Oh, well.. forget the beer part, then. Giles: Happily. I came because we had an appointment the other day.. Willow: Oh.. Right, right.. The truth spell. Giles: Yes, um.. Willow.. I know that you're going through a very difficult time.. But, sherking your responsibilities— Willow: But.. I didn't — sherk. I.. Did the research, and I picked up the motherwort, I just forgot the doing the spell part. Giles: Well, that isn't like you at all. Willow: I know. I-I've been off. I-I even tried to do a spell last night. To have my will done? I was hoping it would make me feel better. But it just went ka-blooey. Giles: A spell? I don't think it's wise for you to be doing that alone right now. Your energy's too unfocused. Willow: Well, that's not true. I said I was off, not incompetent. Giles: I only meant that you're grieving, and it might be wise if you took a break from doing spells without supervision. Willow: So I get punished ‘cause I'm in pain? Giles: It's not punishment. I'm only saying this because I— Willow: Oh, you care. Yeah. Everybody cares. Nobody wants to be inconvenienced. You all want me to take the time and go through the pain, as long as you don't have to hear about it anymore. Giles: No, that's not fair. Willow: Isn't it? ‘Cause I'm doing the best I can and it doesn't seem to be enough for you guys. Giles: And I see how you could feel that way, I do— Willow: No, you don't. You say that you do, but you don't see anything. (Her eyes take on a strange blue gleam as she speaks the words. Giles removes his glasses, suddenly finding his vision a bit blurred) Giles: Um.. Oh, sorry.. Um, sorry. P-perhaps I'd better be going. Let's um, let's talk about this later. (He leaves, walking down the hall in a bit of a daze. He runs into a student) Giles: Oh! I'm sorry.. So sorry. (He puts his glasses back on, quite confused with what is happening. Cut to Spike and Giles in Giles' living room. Spike is still chained up, but sitting on the floor. Giles is walking around him, holding a bundle of burning herbs and reading from a book) Giles: Elobe, enemy, be now, quiet. Spike: You know.. not too keen about this spell stuff. Tends to be a bit unpredictable. Giles: Yes, well, you might have thought about that sooner. Um.. (Continues reading) Let your decietful tongue be.. (Has trouble with he words) Be.. Uh.. Let no.. Untruths.. Be spoken.. (He's having a very hard time making out the words now. He gets frustrated and sets the book down, taking out a handkerchief and cleaning his glasses. Spike, who has been watching this cautiously, glances down and sees the key to the chains by Giles' feet. He slowly reaches for it with his boot) Spike: Hey, what's that all about? Giles: Hm? Oh, nothing. I just got ash in my eye. Spike: Well, I won't have you doin' mojo on me if you can't read properly. You might turn me into a stink beetle or what all. Giles: T'would be a generous ending for you, Spike. (Spike grabs the key and unlocks himself. He jumps up, pushes Giles out of the way, and runs out the door. Cut to Willow and Buffy's dorm. Willow is playing with Amy the rat on her bed) Willow: I mean, I'm going through something. I just don't see why he was getting down on me. Buffy: Giles just worries. Spells can be dangerous. It doesn't mean he thinks you're a bad witch. Willow: I am a bad witch. Buffy: No, you're a good witch. Willow: I'm not kidding anyone. If I had any real power, I could have made Oz stay with me. Buffy: Will, you wouldn't have wanted him to have stayed— Willow: And I didn't have the guts to do the spell on Veruca, and my "I Will it So" spell went nowhere. The only real witch here is fuzzy little Amy. Buffy: I think you're being a too hard on yourself. Willow: She's got access to powers I can't even invoke. I mean, first — she's a perfectly normal girl.. (Rat morphs to naked Amy on Willow's bed. Amy smiles excitedly.) Willow: Then poof — she's a rat. (Amy morphs back into a rat) Willow: I could never do something like that. (The phone rings. Buffy answers it) Buffy: Hello? Uhh.. I'll be right there. (Hangs up) Spike escaped. Willow: A-and you're going? Now? Buffy: Sorry — duty thing. Willow: Well, I mean, what's the rush? Spike can't hurt anyone, right? And I figured since I'm kinda grievey, would could, uh..you know, have a girl's night. We could eat sundaes and watch Steel Magnolias and you can tell me how, at least I don't have diabetes. Buffy: Will, I can't hang out with you until I get Spike back to Giles, you know that. Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise. Willow: I don't see the big. He's probably just standing out there. You could find him in two seconds.. (Her eyes do the blue glow thing again. Cut to Spike standing outside, looking around confused. Buffy sees him and looks confused herself.) Buffy: Thought that was gonna take longer. Spike: Me too. Musta got.. turned around.. (He searches about for something, searching the ground with his eyes) Spike: Hang.. hang on, this— this is it. Wait.. no.. yes. Buffy: What are you talking about? Spike: The lab. Commando lab. The door was right here where I escaped. (He gestures to the ground which is covered with grass, no sign of a door of any kind. Just a lawn.) Buffy: (Incredulous) I don't think so. (Spike falls to his hands and knees, tearing at the ground) Spike: Open up! I'm gonna k*ll you! Buffy: Spike, there's nothing there. Spike: Let me in! (Dejected) Fix me.. Buffy: Okay, drop the act.. (She grabs him by the arm, but he pushes her away) Spike: Get off! Buffy: Okay, that's it— I'm gonna gag you. (He punches her in the nose, then yells in pain. She punches him back in the nose; he yells in pain again. Cut to Giles in his bathroom. He's putting drops in his eyes. Buffy and Spike come barging in through the front door, Spike once again tied up) Spike: Hey! Watch it! Buffy: One more word out of you, and I swear.. Spike: Swear, what? You're not gonna do anything to me. You don't got the stones. Buffy: Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of .. stones. Spike: Yeah? You're all talk. Buffy: GILES! I accidentally k*lled Spike. That's okay, right? (Cut to bathroom. Giles is distracted) Giles: Uh..uh..um.. Just a minute.. (Cut to Xander's basement. Willow's pacing back and forth, complaining about Buffy. Xander sits idly by and listens) Willow: I mean, I'm going through something. You'd think every once in awhile Buffy would make best friends a priority. Xander: You know, Will, it's not like she could just let Spike go. (Cut to Giles' living room. Buffy slams Spike down into a chair) Spike: (Sneering) I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding your body for weeks. Buffy: Oh, make a move — please. I'm dying for a good slay. (They glare at eachother. Cut back to Xander's basement) Willow: Spike's more important than me. I get it. Xander: Buffy's gotta find out what's up with those commandos. Right now she needs Spike. Willow: Well, fine. Why doesn't so just go marry him? (Willow's eyes go blue-glowy. Cut to Giles' apartment. Giles comes out of the bathroom) Giles: If the two of you could remain civil long enough to— (Cut to Buffy sitting in the chair Spike was once occupying, Spike on his knees in front of her, holding her hand) Buffy: It's just so sudden. I don't know what to say. Spike: Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth. Buffy: Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes! (They embrace and kiss and it's overall mushy. Giles walks forward and takes off his glasses, quite baffled by the whole thing. Buffy sees Giles) Buffy: Giles! You'll never believe what's happened! (Buffy holds up her now ringed ring-finger. Giles just stares like he's gone crazy. Cut to Xander's basement.) Willow: It's just not fair. Xander: Willow, I know it's hard to see it right now, but everything you're feeling is because of you and Oz. Not because of Buffy and me or anybody. But eventually you'll meet somebody else, and it'll be better. Willow: Yeah, ‘cause most relationships are great and trouble-free. I don't think so. I think we're all doomed to badness. Xander: We're not doomed. Willow: Oh, yeah? Let's-let's look at your bio. Insect Lady, Mummy Girl, Anya.. You're a demon magnet. Xander: I was just trying to help. (Cut to Gile's apartment. Giles is on the phone, talking to Willow's machine) Giles: Willow, it's-it's me. Something's happened. I need your help. I can't see very well. Everything's blurred. (He grabs the scotch) I'm certain it's a spell of some kind, because.. well..it seems something else is going wrong.. (Cut to Buffy bring Spike a mug of blood. She sits on his lap) Buffy: Here you go .. 98.6. (They kiss) Giles: .. horribly wrong. Buffy: There's so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception.. Spike: Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding. Buffy: How 'bout a daytime ceremony. In the park. Spike: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust. Buffy: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight, only. (Giles makes his way carefully into the living room, glass of scotch in hand. He takes a seat on the couch) Spike: Warm breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again — you're registering as Mr and Mrs Big-Pile-of-Dust. Buffy: Stop it! This is our wedding and you're treating it like a big joke! Spike: Oh, pouty! Look at that lip.. gonna get it.. gonna get it.. (She giggles and they kiss and such) Buffy: (Playfully) Oh.. stop.. Giles: Yes, please stop. (Giles takes a good swig of his drink. Buffy holds her hand out in Giles' direction) Buffy: Giles, did you see my ring? Giles: Thankfully, not very well. (Giles leans back and rubs his eyes. Buffy gets up from Spike's lap and goes to sit beside Giles) Buffy: I'm not crazy, and I know that you probably don't approve, and my father's not that far away, I mean, he could— but this day is about family — my real family — and I would like you to be the one to give me away. Giles: (Touched) Oh, Buffy! That's.. that's so.. (Comes to his senses) Oh! For God's sake! This is nonsense. Something is making you act this way. Don't you realize what you're doing? (She smiles and looks back at Spike) Buffy: Living a dream. Giles: He's gonna have to take a bit of time to get used to it, pet. Buffy: they all will. (She turns back to Giles) But you guys wern't crazy about Angel at first, either. (Spike gets upset) Spike: You wern't gonna say that name. Buffy: Sorry. Why don't we talk about where we're going to register. Spike: Well, where would Angel like to register? And can we have the photographer Angel would've wanted? And, flowers Angel would have liked? Buffy: (Stands) Hey! You think I don't live with the shadow of Drusilla over my head? That I'm not wondering if you're going to be thinking of her on our honeymoon when you're making.. sweet love to me..? (She walks to Spike and sits in his lap. They, you guessed it, kiss. Giles reaches for his glass of scotch, knocking it to the floor.) Buffy: Giles are you okay? Giles: I rather think not. I seem to be rather.. rather.. blind. Completely, in fact. (Buffy walks over to him, concerned) Buffy: What? How could this happen? (She waves her hand in front of his face. Spike stands and walks to the bookshelf) Giles: A spell, I believe. Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. Don't worry. Spike: What you want is a general reversal spell. Gonna need supplies. Giles: Are you.. helping me? Spike: Well, it's almost like you're my father-in-law, in'nt? Buffy: See? This is how it's gonna be. Spike'll even take care of you while I'm at the magick shop. (Buffy stands and walks to Spike who takes her in his arms) Buffy: From now on, we're a family. (They— you know the drill. Giles gets all panicky. He stands and wobbles his way to the kitchen) Giles: That's alright. I have more scotch. (Cut to Buffy exiting the magick shop. She stops in the middle of the street, staring at a window display of a beautiful wedding gown. She walks over to it, memorized. In the background, we see Riley walking by. He sees her and walks up) Riley: Hey, Buffy. What's up? (Buffy turns back, staring at the dress) Buffy: Riley, look — aren't they beautiful? Riley: Um, yeah.. they're nice. A little dressy, maybe.. for school, but.. (Buffy walks towards him) Buffy: Riley.. Riley: Buffy? Buffy: I really like you. I hope you know that you mean a lot to me, and if things were different— Riley: Different than what? (She takes his hand. He looks rightly confused) Buffy: I want you to promise me that we can always be friends, and I'd really like you to be there on "The Day". Riley: The day when.. Buffy: The wedding! Riley: The wedding. What wedding? Buffy: My wedding! I'm getting married — can you believe it? Riley: I don't think "no" is a strong enough word. Buffy: I know! It's crazy! I mean, we fought for all these years, and then.. Sometimes you just look at someone, and you know.. You know? Riley: No.. Buffy: I think maybe we fought because we couldn't admit how we really felt about eachother. Riley: (Confused) Can we start again? Buffy: You'll really like him. Well, nobody really likes him.. Riley: I just need to clear a few things up.. Buffy: I don't even really like him.. Riley: Buffy.. Buffy: But.. I love him. I do. Riley: Who? Buffy: What? Riley: What's his name? Buffy: Who? Riley: The groom. Buffy: Spike! Riley: That's a name? Buffy: Don't be mad. Riley: I'm not mad! Buffy: No, you are mad! Riley: No, I am! Er.. I really.. Wow. Who is this guy? Does he go here? Buffy: Spike? (Laughs) Oh, no.. He's totally old. Riley: Old. Buffy: Well, not as old as my last boyfriend was. Riley: (Befuddled) Okay.. It's late.. and I'm, I'm very tired now. So, I'm just gonna go far away and be.. away. Buff: But— Riley: No, stay. (Riley walks off, looking extremely confused. Buffy just stands there, watching him go, a forlorn look on her face) Buffy: You're ruining my happy day. (Cut to Xander's basement) Xander: That's okay, mom — we don't need anymore snacks. Anya: I liked those fruit roll-ups. Xander: Shush, I thought she'd never clear out. Besides, just think of my lips as, the fruit roll-ups of love. (Pause) Okay, that was gross. I'm a little distracted. Willow was really upset. I shouldn't have let her go away mad. (Anya grabs him and kisses him hard) Xander: Regaining focus. Anya: We just got rid of your mom. Let's not bring Willow into this. It's time for just the two of us. (They kiss and fall down on the bed. Suddenly, a demon busts through the side door. They jump up. Xander runs at the demon and it tosses him aside. Anya goes after it with a bat, but it grabs the bat from her. Xander jumps back up, grabs his clothesline and tries to strangle the thing.) Anya: No, no, it's a Pargo demon! Drowning it's the only way to k*ll it! (They drag the thing over to the sink, shoving it's head under water. As soon as the demon drowns, another busts through the window above the sink) Xander: What the hell is going on?! (Xander grabs Anya and they run off. Cut to Giles' apartment. Buffy is holding the cake topper— a man and a woman, both blonde— and walking them up Spike's arm, humming the wedding march.) Buffy: Duh dum, da-da.. Duh dum, da-da, duh dum da da dum da da dum da da.. (Giles is laying on the couch, a towel over his eyes) Giles: So the plan is to cure my total, incapacitating blindness .. tomorrow. Buffy: (Unconcerned) They were all out of Tagas Root at the magick shop. They'll have more tomorrow. I'm completely on top of it. (Looks to Spike, holding the figurines up) Buffy: Aren't they a perfect little us? Spike: I don't like him. He's insipid. Clearly human. Buffy: Oo, red paint. We could smear a little on his mouth — blood of the innocent.. Spike: That's my girl.. (He grabs the back of her head and pulls her into a kiss) Giles: Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking. (Buffy and Spike stop. Buffy sets the figurines down and picks up a notebook from the table) Buffy: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you wanna be William the Bloody, or just Spike? ‘Cause, either way, it's gonna look majorly weird. Spike: Where as the name Buffy gives it that touch of classic elegance. Buffy: What's wrong with Buffy? Giles: Huh.. such a good question. Spike: (Ignoring Giles) Well, it's a terrible name. Buffy: My mother gave me that name. Spike: Your mother, yeah, she's a genius. Buffy: Don't you start in on my mother. (Anya and Xander suddenly burst through the front door. Everyone stands as Xander pulls a bookshelf in front of the door.) Xander: Board up the windows, and barricade the doors. Giles: What's going on? Anya: Demons. They keep coming and coming. Xander: I think we lost them, but I couldn't see. (Sees Spike) Spike! He's all untied! (Pause) Which you probably noticed.. Buffy: Xander, calm down, okay? If you lost them, that'll give us some time to figure this out. (To Spike) Maybe the demons have something to do with Giles being blind. Anya: Giles is blind? (Xander walks over to Giles and starts waving his fingers in front of Giles' face) Giles: Please stop whatever you're doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups. Spike: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed. Buffy: (Hanging on Spike's arm) Spike's right. We really should get organized. (Xander and Anya are staring at Spike and Buffy) Anya: Why are you holding hands? (Buffy and Spike look at eachother lovingly) Spike: They have to hear it sooner or later.. Buffy: (Excitedly) Spike and I are getting married! Xander: (Baffled) How? What? How? Giles: Three excellent questions. Spike: (To Buffy) What are you lookin' at? Buffy: The man I love. (They kiss. A lot. Anya and Xander look a bit disgusted) Xander: Can I be blind, too? (Anya nods in agreement) Xander: Wait.. married.. I know something.. what is it..? Everything's so familiar.. Work, brain — work! Oh! Oh oh! Willow! Buffy: (Talking around the kissing) Mm..what about Will.. Mmm, honey, get off. (Pulls away from Spike) Xander: Something about Willow and her griefy-poor-me mood swings — so, so tired of it. Anya: You mean I don't have to be nice about her anymore? Buffy: Well, we're all tired of it, but what does it have to do with what's going on? Xander: She told me I was a demon magnet, a-and you two should get married. (Gestures to Spike and Buffy) Giles: (Coming to realization) And.. that I didn't see anything. Buffy: She did a spell. Giles: Yes.. to have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true. Buffy: And you both were effected. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity. Xander: Yeah. Right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for eachother. Buffy: Xander. Spike: That's it — you're off the usher list. Giles: People, Willow is out there and she probably doesn't know what she's doing. Xander: We gotta find her. Buffy: Before somebody gets really hurt. (Giles nods in agreement and starts forward, falling over his couch and landing on the other side. Cut to Willow walking down the hallway in Stevenson Hall. She walks into her room and is snatched up by a demon, placing one hand on each side of her head, causing electricity-like bolts to wind around her head. Cut to Buffy, Spike, Xander, and Anya walking down the hallways of Stevenson Hall) Xander: Why does he have to come? (Indicating Spike) Buffy: Xander, Spike is going to be my husband. I want him included. Spike: I agree with Xander here. Seems like a lot of work for people who hunt us. Buffy: Spike, these are my friends. Besides, it's kinda my job. Spike: (Pats her hand) For now. Buffy: What? You want me to stop working? (The open the door to Buffy and Willow's room. All enter save Spike who remains outside talking) Spike: Let's see — do I want you to give up k*lling all my friends? Yeah, I've given it some thought. (Cut inside Buffy and Willow's dorm room. There's a large circle burnt into the carpet) Buffy: This is b*rned. Anya: Ta'hoffren. Bastard, he's opened a portal here. Buffy: Who? Spike: Oh, fluffy. (Cut to Spike, holding up one of Buffy's skirts — an orange one with orange fuzzy stuff around the bottom) Spike: Wear this to the rehearsal dinner and the whole thing's off. Buffy: Shut-up, honey. Anya: Ta'hoffren. He made me a demon 1120 years ago. Buffy: Why would he att*ck Willow? Anya: I don't believe he did. (Cut to a pitch black room. Ta'hoffren is speaking to Willow. They are both surrounded by numerous demons of different kinds) Ta'hoffren: You have much anger and pain. Your magic is strong, but your pain — it's like a scream that pierces dimensional walls. We heard your call. Willow: I-I'm sorry. I'll try for a quiet rage. Bye. (She turns to leave, but is faced with demons. Ta'hoffren calls her back) Ta'hoffren: Our intention is not to quash your potential — quite the contrary. (Willow turns back to him, looking scared and confused. Cut to Anya, Xander, Buffy, and Spike walking in the cemetery) Anya: I'd been dumped, I was miserable, doing a few vengeance spells — boils on the penis, nothing fancy. Xander: Please skip ahead. Anya: Ta'hoffren got wind of me, he offered to elevate me. Buffy: Meaning? Anya: He made me a demon. Buffy: Oh God, Willow. But, you can summon this guy from this crypt, right? You can make him stop .. oh my God! Wouldn't this be a perfect place for pictures? (She runs up to a crypt with ivy growing all along side it) Spike: I'm not posing for chattal. (A demon wanders their way. Xander sees it and points) Xander: Hey.. demon. (Buffy walks up to the demon) Buffy: Okay, listen — now we're gonna do this without ruining the foliage. (Buffy and the demon go at it. She tosses him aside just as another appears. She realizes that they're just going to keep coming) Buffy: Let's go! (All four of them run inside the crypt, barricading it as best they can. Anya runs to the far side, kneeling down and drawing a circle surrounding herself in the dirt. ) Anya: Blesséd be, the name of Ta'hoffren. Let this space be now a gateway to the world of Arash Ma'har, where demons are spawned. (Cut to Arash Ma'har. Ta'hoffren is still speaking with Willow) Ta'hoffren: The pain and suffering you brought upon those you love is inspiring. You are ready to join us here in Arash Ma'har. Willow: Pain.. What pain? (Cut to Buffy being choked by a demon who's reached through a window.) Spike: Buffy! Xander: Not doin' well here. Anya: (Still chanting) We come in supplication. We bend as the reed.. in the flow of the, uh.. No, wait.. we-we come in the flow of the, uh.. Ugh! (Takes a deep breath) Blesséd be, the name of Ta'hoffren.. (Cut to Buffy, still being choked. She jerks away, running to Spike's side, who, with Xander, has propped a stone sepulcher against the doorway to keep the demons out.) Spike: They're strong, and I can't fight. If they get in, I don't know if I can protect you. Buffy: You think you have to protect me? Spike: Oh, not with the Girl-Power bit! (The demons finally bust their way in. Spike and Xander get their asses kicked and Buffy tries to kick ass. Anya att*cks the one attacking Xander and is promptly tossed aside. Cut to Arash Ma'har. Ta'hoffren opens a dimensional rift and allows Willow to see her friends getting their asses kicked.) Willow: Oh, God. But I didn't mean to! Ta'hoffren: But you did. This is the result of your power. You will make a fine vengeance demon. Willow: No, please! You have to help them! Ta'hoffren: It is not my concern. You are my interest in this matter. Willow: Really.. no offense intended.. I mean, you've been super-nice and everything, but.. I don't want to be a demon. I just wanna go back and help my friends. Ta'hoffren: That is your answer? Willow: It-it is. Ta'hoffren. (Menacingly) I'm sorry to hear that. (Lighter tone) Oh well. Here is my talisman. (Holds it up and Willow takes it) You change your mind, give us a chant. (He waves his hand and she disappears. Cut to Buffy struggling with a demon as yet another bursts onto the scene. It knocks Spike on his back. Buffy gets pissed and kicks both the demon's asses and runs over to Spike.) Buffy: Oh, Spike.. are you okay? Spike: Slayer.. (They kiss. Anya and Xander are still beating up on that same demon. Willow suddenly appears in the crypt.) Willow: Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken. (Thunder crashes and lightening flashes. Suddenly, the demons disappear. Buffy and Spike pull away from eachother, a look of horror and disgust passing over their faces) Buffy: Oh, ugh.. Spike: Oh, bloody hell! (They both jump up, each wiping their mouth and gagging and carrying on so) Buffy: Spike lips! Lips of Spike! (All four of them suddenly realize Willow. They all turn slowly to look at her. She smiles sheepishly and waves.) Willow: Hi, guys. (Cut to Giles' kitchen. Willow is making chocolate-chip cookies. She's putting them on a plate Anya's holding.) Anya: How long are you going to keep making these? Willow: Oh, until I don't feel so horribly guilty. I figure about a million chips from now. Also, I have to detail Giles' car. (She takes the plate from Anya and walks over to where Xander and Giles are sitting. Xander is holding up a clock) Xander: Time. Giles: A-ha.. Five past two. Thursday. Willow: (To Giles) Look, cookies. A very not-evil thing I did. Oatmeal? (Giles removes his glasses, takes a cookie and scowls) Giles: Yes, very funny, they're chocolate chip. I can see them. I still need my glasses, though. You could be more specific and give me 20/20. (Willow smiles and walks over to Buffy and Spike. Spike is tied up once more) Willow: Eat a cookie; ease my pain? Buffy: (Takes one, taking a bite) Mm. Better? Willow: Well, baking lifts about 30% of my guilt, but only 7% of my inner turmoil. Guess that'll just take awhile. Buffy: It'll happen. Spike: Don't I get a cookie? Buffy: No. Spike: Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth. Buffy: You're a pig, Spike. Spike: Yeah.. well I'm not the one who wanted, "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance. (He says it loud enough for Giles, Anya, and Xander to hear. They all turn to stare at Buffy from the living room. She looks at all of them) Buffy: That was the spell. (Buffy gets all embarrassed and walks into the kitchen. Willow scowls at Spike and shoves a cookie in his mouth. She follows Buffy into the kitchen) Willow: Did I mention about the sorry part? Buffy: We may be into a forgetting spell later. (Astonished) I loved him. He were betrothed. (She makes a face) Willow: Well, at-at least you were getting along. Buffy: But we wern't. I mean, I wasn't even nice. And the bad-boy thing — over it. Okay, I totally get it. I'd be really happy to be in a nice relationship with a decent, reliable.. Oh my God! Riley thinks I'm engaged. Willow: What? Buffy: Riley. He-he-he saw me. What the hell am I going to say?! (Cut to UC Sunnydale campus. Buffy and Riley are walking together. Buffy is laughing) Buffy: You thought I was serious? Riley: Well, no.. um.. you wern't serious? Buffy: Oh, God.. please. I marry a guy named Spike? Riley: Maybe. We haven't known eachother that long. Buffy: No, it's just.. I saw that fear in your eyes when you caught me looking at wedding dresses, and I had to give you a hard time. Riley: I did not have fear in my eyes. Buffy: Yes you did. You were looking at me like I was a cartoon ball and chain. Riley: So you decided to tell me you're getting married. Buffy: Uh-huh. Riley: So, you're insane. Buffy: Uh-huh! Riley: But you're still single. Buffy: Yes. Riley: Okay, then. Just another little piece of the Buffy puzzle. Buffy: You really have a lot to learn about women, Riley. (He reaches up, taking hold of the back of her head like he's going to kiss her) Riley: You're gonna teach me. (He smiles and turns, walking away, leaving Buffy staring after him) BLACK OUT

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x09 - Something Blue"}

foreverdreaming

{{}} means inaudible, so uncertain. {} unknown word Narrator: "Hush, a special Buffy" A lecture hall. Professor Walsh is lecturing to Buffy and the class. Riley is leaning against a wall. Walsh: "So this is what it is.. talking about communication talking about language... not the same thing. It's about inspiration... Not the idea, but the moment before the idea when its {{total}} When it blossoms in your mind and connects to everything It's about the thoughts and experiences that we don't have a word for. A demonstration. Buffy, Summers, come on down {{to}} the front here." Buffy walks down. Walsh: "A typical college girl, one assumes." Walsh (to buffy): "Lie down on my desk" Buffy: "what?" Walsh: "Go ahead, you're perfectly safe." Buffy: "oh" Buffy sits, then lies on the desk but doesn't completely lie down. She is resting on her elbows. Walsh: "Riley, if you could oblige." Riley: "A demonstration, {{right/alright}}." Walsh: "Be a good boy." Riley leans over Buffy. He puts a hand on her waist. Buffy: "This feels very strange." Riley: "Don't worry. {{If}} I kiss you ((it'll}} make the sun go down." They kiss and the class watches. He brings a hand around her holding her up and she brings her arm around him and then to his neck. They continue to kiss and it gets darker. The classroom is empty when the camera zooms out from them. Riley: "See." She sits up Buffy: "Fortune favors the brave." Faintly a little girl is humming or chanting. Buffy: "do you hear that?" Buffy walks towards the sound Buffy eventually sees a little girl holding an ornate box in the hall. The little girl is still chanting: "Can't even shout Can't even cry The gentlemen are coming by looking in windows knocking on doors They need to take seven and they might take yours Can't call to mom can't say a word You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard" Riley touches her from behind and she turns to see a horrific face wearing a dark suit. Buffy wakes up sitting next to Willow in a full classroom. Walsh: "So I'll see you all monday for a final review session" Willow: "Man that was an exciting class, hunh?" Buffy: "oh yeah well" Willow: "And the last twenty minutes was a revelation just laid out everything we need to know for the final I'd hate to have missed that." They both are getting up and leaving class. Buffy: "Just tell me I didn't snore." Willow: "Very discreet, minimal drool" Buffy: "Oh yea." Willow: "So were you dreaming?" Buffy: "yeah, it was kind of intense" Riley steps up from behind a column. Riley: "Intense, really? cause you seemed so peaceful." Riley walks with them. Buffy: "Of course it was only for a moment." Riley: "Right. Hey you guys headed over towards {Jud}" Riley: "Ah, student center" Riley: "Oh great. So this dream." Willow: "You know, you guys go I'm gonna do the thing." Willow: "So I'll see you after Wicca group" Willow: "Bye." Buffy: "Bye." Riley: "Bye." Riley: "So tell me about your dream." Willow sneaks over to eavesdrop through an opening. Riley: "As a psyche major I'm qualified to go 'hmmm'" Buffy: "I don't really remember it" Riley: "Well, did I appear at all in this dream?" Willow hides her face by reading a notebook when they get close. Buffy: "there might have been a cameo" Riley: "is that right?" Buffy: "maybe more like a featured role" Riley: "romantically?" Willow lowers the notebooks, smiles and heads away. Buffy: "I'm not saying a word." Buffy and Riley exit a building into a sunny day. Riley: "So what have you got going on {{for tonight}}?" Buffy: "Oh Patrolling" Riley: "Patrolling?" Buffy: "Eh, Petroleum" Riley: "Petroleum?" Buffy: "uh huh" Riley: "Tonight you have crude oil" Buffy: "{{and}} homework. What about you?" Riley: "Oh you know grading papers." Buffy: "Ah, that'll be fun." Riley: "Not petroleum fun but it passes the time." Buffy: "So I uh..." Riley: "Yeah... (exhales)" Riley: "I guess I won't see you until..." Buffy: "Yeah..." Riley leans down and is about to kiss her. Buffy: "What papers?" Riley (confused): "Papers?" Buffy realizes the moment is gone. Buffy: "Um, grading, what papers? We only have the final." Riley: "Oh, yeah. Um, no, I... Late, Late papers {{I gotta look at}}" Buffy: "Oh. Ok. Neat." Riley: "So..." Buffy: "Class." Riley: "I'll see you then." Buffy: "Yeah." Riley leaves. Buffy (petulantly): "Fortune favors the brave." ===== roll credit ===== Giles apartment. He is on the phone. Giles: " Can't even shout Can't even cry The gentlemen are coming by. Um, it sounds vaguely familiar. You're sure it's - nothing you heard when you were a child?" "Oh alright. Nothing else?" "Well i-it could definitely be one of your prophetic dreams or it could just be the eternal mystery that is your brain. But I-I'll check it out and um, I'll let you know if I find something." "Alright. Bye bye." Giles: "Have you heard of a group called the gentlemen?" Spike is walking in the kitchen, chewing and searching. Spike: "Group of what?" Giles: "The gentlemen." Spike: "Dunno." Giles: "You certain?" Spike: "No. We're out of wheat-a-bits." Giles: "We are out of wheat-a-bits because you ate it all - again." Spike: "Get some more." Giles: "I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood." Spike: "Yep. Well sometimes I like to crumble up the wheat-a-bits in the blood - give it a little texture." Spike has lain on the couch with a wheat? cr*cker, a cr*cker? bag and a jar of peanut butter. Giles: " Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again you'll just have to pick it up yourself." Spike: "Sissy." ==== Exterior of Giles' building. Xander and Anya are walking. Xander: "I don't get what this is coming from." Anya: "well, what am I supposed to think?" Xander: "Well, How could you say I'm using you?" Anya: "You don't care about what I think you don't ask about my day" Xander: "You really did turn into a real girl didn't you?" Anya stops. Anya: "See! You make jokes during my pain. You don't care about me at all" Xander stops and looks back. Xander: "I care about you." Anya: "How much?" (silence) Anya: "What do I mean to you?" Xander: "I... we, you know we spend... we'll talk about it later" Xander turns away and walks and they enter Giles apartment ==== Giles apt. As Anya walks through the door. Anya: "Well I think we should talk about it now." Giles: "Thank you for knocking." Xander: "if you don't know how I feel about" Anya: "I don't. This isn't a relationship you don't need me, all you care about is lots of orgasms." Spike sits up to look back with a wheat-a-bit in his mouth. Giles takes off his glasses. Xander: "ok... remember how we talked about private conversations and how they're less private when they're in front of my friends" Spike: "Oh, we're not your friends. Go on." Giles: "please don't" Anya: "this is important" Giles: "but why is it here?" Xander: "mom said you wanted me to swing by" Giles: "Oh, oh yes, well I meant uh after sunset" Giles stands and leans against his desk. Giles: "um I need you to take Spike for a few days" Xander: " What?" Spike: "What?" Anya: "What?" Spike stands Spike: "I'm not staying with him!" Giles: "I have a friend who's coming to town and I'd like us to be alone." Anya: "oh you mean an orgasm friend?" Giles: "Yes that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said" Anya displays a ? I just spoke the truth? expression. Xander: " he's not roaming around - he stays with me he's gonna get tied up again." Anya: " What about us, our romantic evening?" Spike: "I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away" Giles sits and puts his hand against his head in exasperation during this. Xander: "That's not exactly one of my fantasies either." Anya: "so you're bl*wing off our evening because {unintelligible}" Spike: "{unintelligible}" Xander: "I don't want him to come {{either}} {unintelligible}" ==== A school? room with a group of 14 girls sitting on couches and chairs and (2 on sitting on the floor) including Willow. Students wander by and others sit studying. Wicca1: "We come together, daughters of Gaia, sisters to the moon we walk with the darkness the wolf at our side through the waterfall of power to the blackest heart of eternity. I think we should have a bake sale." Wicca2: "I don't know" Wicca1: "you guys like a bake sale right? I mean we need money for the dance recital and You know I do an empowering lemon bundt" Wicca2: "The most important thing is the Gaian newsletter we need to get the message of blessing out to the sisters. Also who left their scented candles dripping all over my women power shrine?" Willow: ""Well, this is good. I mean, this is all fun ya know, but there's also other stuff that we might show an interest in, as a wicca group." Wicca1(hesistantly): "like what?" Willow: "Well, There's the wacky notion of spells, you know conjuring, transmutation" wicca2: "Oh yeah, then we could all get on our broomsticks and fly around on our broomsticks" giggling wicca1: "You know certain stereotypes are not very empowering." wicca 3 (sitting on floor): "I think that wicca2: "one person's energy can suck the power from an entire circle. no offense" wicca 3: " Well, maybe we could uh." wicca2: "Yeah, Tara. Guys.. quiet." holds hand up for quiet wicca2: "do you have a suggestion?" Tara (Wicca 3) just shakes her head and looks down, but then she looks at Willow. wicca2: "Ok, let's talk about the theme for the bacchanal." ==== Buffy and Willow walking in a hall. Buffy: "So not stellar, hunh?" Willow: " talk all talk Blah blah Gaia Blah blah moon {{menstrual}} lifeforce power thingy you know after a couple of sessions I was hoping we would get into something real but " Buffy: "No actual witches in your witch group" Willow: "No, bunch of wanna blessed bees. you know nowadays every girl with a {{Henna}} tattoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the dark ones" They enter their dorm room. Buffy: "{{Will}} I'm sorry it was a bust. I know you were looking to go farther in that department" Willow: "I'd just like to float something bigger than a pencil someday hey how's with you and riley You two seemed pretty snugly after class" Buffy: "see above re: talk all talk" Willow: "Do I have to tie you two together?" Buffy: "We almost, but..." Willow: "Well, get with it - I need my vicarious smoochies." Buffy (whiny): "I don't know..." Buffy: "I get nervous and I start babbling and he starts babbling and it's a babblefest. Plus, everytime we talk I have to lie. The slayer thing comes up one way or another. I wish could just come clean." ==== The initiative. Forrest and Riley are climbing out of from a ladder descending to a platform overlooking a very tall demon in a blue robe with very long horns. At least one initiative member is still on the platform. They walk towards the elevator. Forrest: "Well you can't" Riley: "Yeah, I know I can't, but it bugs me this time." Forrest: "This is the burden we bear, brother. We have a gig that would inevitably cause any girl living to think we are cool upon cool. Yet we must Clark Kent our way through the dating scene never to use our unfair advantage." They stop to let a cart carrying others drive by. Forrest: "Thank God we're pretty." Riley: "But its just... Buffy's special" Forrest: "You think she's special. Wow. The first 486 times you told me it didn't register but now I 'see' that you think she's special." Riley: "See, you're naturally inclined to talk too much I don't have that" Forrest: "{{Then get with the kissing}}" They enter the elevator Riley: "Riley Finn" Elevator: "initiative vocal code match complete" Xander's basement. Spike is tied to a chair and Xander is dressed for bed in a T-shirt and boxers. As they speak Xander gets in bed and turns out the light. Spike: "{dunna} see why I have to be tied up" Xander: "It's just while I'm sleeping" Spike: " Like I'd bite you anyway" Xander: "oh you would" Spike: " not bloody likely" Xander: "I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious." Spike: " alright, yeah fine you're a {nummy} treat." Xander: "and don't you forget it" Spike adopts a high pitched almost falsetto voice - like Anya. Spike: "Xander don't you care about me." Xander: "Shut up!" Spike: "We never talk." Xander holds up a warning finger. Xander: "Shut up!" Spike: " Xaaannnder." Xander: "Shut up!" ==== Giles' apartment. Giles (musing): "They need to take seven... take seven what?" knock at door. Giles get up and opens it. Giles: "Olivia!" Olivia: "Sorry I'm so late {{the}} flight was a horror." Giles: " {{oh no}} bad weather?" Olivia: "{{Baseball}} movie." Giles (amused): "Oh.. so sorry" Olivia: "Yeah. That's enough small talk, don't you think?" They kiss and Giles puts his glasses on the notes ==== A clocktower. 1:00 am. Interior of the clocktower. Pale grayish hands opens an ornate box and whispering is heard. Exterior of clocktower. Overview of town. Outside of a house. Bedroom. A sleeping boy's mouth loses a mist which goes out a window. People everywhere open their mouths and a mist comes out. Another bedroom with an elderly man. A bedroom with Giles and Olivia. The dorm room of Willow and Buffy. The mist travels over the town to the clocktower and goes into the box which the hand closes. The camera follows the arm to the Gentleman's face. It is gray white with silver teeth in a horrid perpetual grin and white eyes and drawn back skin over a bald skull with an almost hooked nose. It is the face from Buffy's dream. ==== Morning. The dorm. Buffy gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom. Sound of toilet flushing. She yawns and brushes her teeth. She comes out into the hall. A girl who is crying silently sniffles and passes her by. Buffy wonders what's up. Willow yawns and gets up Buffy: --good morning-- She stops Willow: --hey-- Buffy feels her throat Buffy: --good morn-- Buffy: --good-- Buffy: --Will can you hear me-- Willow: --no I've gone gone deaf-- Buffy: --no I don't think so. we can't speak.-- Willow: --{{yells}}-- Buffy goes out into the hall. Students are out there and silently mouthing. Not a voice is heard. Xander: --what's going on-- --why can't I talk-- --{{unreadable}}-- Spike: --{{unreadable}}-- Xander turns to face Spike who is still tied down. Xander: --You you did this to me.-- Spike holds his hands wide apart (how?) Xander: --I can't talk-- Xander: --{{unreadable}}-- Spike holds up two fingers with back of his hand facing Xander and then looks away. Xander calls Buffy. The phone rings and Buffy picks it up. Buffy realizes she can't say hello. There's no voice on the other end and Xander realizes he can't talk either. Spike looks at him. Riley gets up and walks with Forrest down the stairs to the elevator in their frat house. Elevator: "Retinal scan accepted" They enter the elevator and the doors close. The elevator starts descending. Forrest writes on a pad: "It's all over town" The elevator stops. Elevator: "vocal code not accepted" Elevator: "please state your name for vocal identification" Riley gasps twice into the box. Elevator: "vocal code not accepted" Elevator: "Unauthorized beings will be considered hostile" Riley opens a panel in the elevator. Elevator: "please commence vocal identification in the next 20 seconds to avoid countermeasures" Riley slides a card in a slot. An led flashes flashes "Enter Override Code" and beeps. Riley punches in a code on a keypad. Elevator: "Override code incorrect" Forrest has written "Come on Come On" on his pad. Elevator: ""Lethal countermeasures engaged." Gas begins coming in an opening near the bottom of the elevator. ==== The elevator opens to Walsh, standing with an annoyed expression and two scientists standing behind her. Riley and Forrest rush off the elevator, relieved to be alive. Walsh points behind them to her left and their right. A sign reads "In case of emergency use stairway." ==== A dorm entrance. Tara is walking and everyone is depressed. A girl in crying in a guys arms. A guy drops a tray and a glass and it is like a g*n. Tara jumps back. He is embarassed and bends to clean it up. ==== Town. Honking. The bank is closed. Dogs bark. The liquor store is open. And doing brisk business. Willow and Buffy are walking though town. A siren is heard. A man sits in the middle on the street, his head on his briefcase. A prayer meeting has a chalkboard saying Revelations 15:1 Everyone reads. A guy is selling "Mess age boards $10.00" and the guy has one around his neck that says "Message boards $10.00". They are white boards with a black marker and can be erased. Will and Buffy look at each other. ==== Giles Apt. Will and Buffy arrive with boards around their necks Xander sees them and gets up. Anya turns back to see who Xander got up for and sees it is Buffy and looks at Xander and back at Buffy. Giles gets up. Buffy waves hi. Xander waves hi. He is depressed. Giles clasps Buffy's arm reasuringly and Buffy puts her hand on his. Buffy sees all the books open Buffy: --anything-- Giles looks down and shakes his head slightly. Buffy sets down her board. Willow takes her board and writes "hi Giles" Giles puts his arm across Willow's shoulder and squeezes. Buffy picks up the notebook where Giles wrote part of her rhyme. "Can't even shout" "Can't even cry" "the gentlemen are coming..." She shows its to Giles and points and he shakes his head. Xander snaps his fingers repeatedly and turns up the sound on the tv. "Big news item from Sunnydale California Apparently the entire town has been quarantined due to an epidemic of, as strange at this may sound, Laryngitis. it seems the town has been rendered unable to speak there's no word yet what might have caused this or what other effects might be seen from this epidemic local authorities has issued a statement, a written statement, I should say, blaming recent flu vacinations. A few skeptics call it a city wide hoax In the meanwhile Sunnydale has effectively shut down all schools and businesses will be closed for the time being and residents are advised to stay home and rest up centers for disease control have ordered the entire town quarantined. no one can go in or out until the syndrome is identified or the symptoms disappear. We'll bring you more on that as it develops. During this Olivia is drinking a hard liquor. (whiskey or bourbon or scotch?) And Buffy has borrowed Willow's board. Xander --that's it-- Buffy has written: "Keep researching. I should be in town tonight." Giles --why-- ==== The Initiative A blue screen says and an electric voice speaks. "Because there will chaos." We see and hear Walsh typing on a keyboard and as she continues to type the electric voice continues: "You will help keep order. Dress as civilians. A military presence would only increase panic." Riley writes: "What is happening" Walsh types and the electric voice says: "We are looking into it. Go. Help maintain order. We will find an answer. ==== Town streets. evening. A car crashed into a f*re hydrant which is spraying water. Silent people wander. Buffy walks. Riley breaks up an impending fight between a black man in a business suit and a white man. He has to push the white man back authoritatively. He turns to straighten the black man's coat almost like a tailor. The white man picks up a pipe to att*ck Riley from behind but Buffy has been approaching from behind and casually turns his wrist hard and the pipe drops. The bones crackled. The guy collapses in pain. Riley and Buffy hug Riley --{{are you ok?//how are you doing?}}-- Buffy nods. Buffy --you-- Riley rolls his head back and forth Crashing is heard. Riley indicates he has to go --unintelligible-- Buffy points in the other direction. They start to go, but then Riley holds on to her. They kiss. They each go on. A siren sounds. ==== 1:50 am according to the clock tower. A doorway. Two gentlemen float/glide out. Their feet are about 6 inches?/15cm off the ground. They are dressed in long black formal wear? They are accompanied by two lackeys who shuffle. The lackeys have pinkish bandaged heads and wear straitjackets but the arms are not tied. The gentlemen float about six inches off the ground and don't move their legs at all. The lackeys have a caveman or Igor-like or chimpish gait and swing their arms about and do not stand up straight. Further up are four more gentlemen and some more lackeys. The four split into two pairs and wave bye with very small hand movements. ==== Giles' bedroom Olivia is awake, lying on a sleeping Giles chest. She puts on a robe and gets up and goes downstairs to the living room. She is drawn to the window and sees one of the Gentlemen floating across the street. Another floats right by her window with its face inches away from the window looking right at her and she jumps back in fright, gasping as she tries to scream. ==== The gentlemen seem to operate in pairs and there are six of them. Two of them go towards a house. One nods. ==== Campus. Two float down the lawns. ==== In the dorms a pair and their bandaged heads, straitjacketed lackeys float past rooms. They pass 217. They pass 213. One waggles his finger no. (Their hands move almost minimally, just enough to communicate the action.) They pass 214. Willow is shown sleeping. So is Buffy. They pass 217. They enter another hallway. The taller waves his hand no. 118. The taller goes here we are. (Presents the door room.) A knock on a door. A sleeping male awakens and opens the door. He is grabbed by the two lackeys and held down on his bed as he struggles and tries to scream for help again and again. The gentlemen look down at him and then at each other. One nods slightly. A gentlemen removes a scapel and hands it to the other. The gentlemen lowers the scapel. === The clocktower. There are three red hearts? in canning jars. The gentlemen florishes his hands as presenting a painting or a dish of food. He receives a round of faint applause from four others and holds up his hand to stop the applause/ say no, you're too kind. === Dorm hallway. A man in a green jacket is blocking students from getting into the victim's room. Buffy in coming from the other direction and darts in to see the victim. === Giles apt. Giles gets his morning newspaper and closes his front door. Olivia is drawing. Giles sees two newspaper articles about a "brutal slaying" and another about a "fifteen year old s*ab, heart missing." Olivia has sketched a picture. The pictures strikes a memory and Giles goes to grab a book titled "Fairy tales." ==== Giles performs a overhead projector presentation for Buffy, Willow, Xander and Anya in a lecture hall. Complete with creepy violin music on a boom box. Giles cracks his knuckles. The first transparency is upside down and backwards. Willow and Buffy, sitting next to each other in the front row point. Xander is sitting on the stairs several chairs away. Anya sitting, in the second row and eating popcorn, holds up her index finger and rotates it clearly meaning turn around the transparency. Giles sees the overhead and corrects it. 1) "Who are the gentlemen?" 2) "They are fairy tale monsters" (picture of one) Giles nods. 3) "what do they want" Giles holds up finger. Will holds up her hand and points to her chest Xander cups himself and says --boobies?-- Giles gives Xander a look. Willow looks at Xander and points as Giles changes the transparency. 4) "hearts" (picture of three hearts) Giles waves back at the hearts Xander gets it. Anya raises her eyebrows for a moment and eats more popcorn. 5) "They come to a town" (picture of two gentlemen on a hill overlooking buildings) 6) "They steal all the voices no one can scream" (picture of two gentlemen on hill and four people loosing voices) Giles mimes speaking by moving his hand out from his mouth. 7) "then" (picture of one Gentleman) Giles holds up index finger 8) (picture gentlemen over person in bed. gentlemen has red Kn*fe, person's chest is red and red is dripping onto floor) 9)(picture of gentlemen holding red heart over person in bed. Enormous amount of red on chest and bed and floor.) Willow and Buffy exchanges disturbed looks. Anya shrugs and eats more popcorn. Xander starts to write. 10) "They need seven, they have at least two." (Picture of seven hearts) Xander snaps his fingers and holds up his board "How do we k*ll them?!" Buffy takes her fist and pumps it toward herself. Disturbed looks from Xander and Willow, even Giles has to maintain a poker face. Buffy grabs a stake from her bag and pumps it towards herself. Xander gets she means stake them, Giles looks relieved and Willow pretends nothing was amiss. 11) "In the tales No sword can k*ll them" (Picture of a gentleman with three swords in him) 12) "But the princess screamed once... and they all died." (Picture of a princess screaming and two gentlemen lying d*ad) Willow holds up a cd and ,then holds her hands over her ears and pantomines dying. She smiles. Giles holds a finger up and changes the transparency. 13) "Only a real human voice" (picture of a gentleman dancing to old style record player) Giles points to his throat. Willow throws her hand up and pouts. Buffy writes: "How do I get my voice back?" Giles throws his hands out to his sides. 14) "Buffy will patrol tonight" (picture of girl with bow and arrow). Buffy holds her hands at her sides (the picture is too fat). Giles makes some gestures. Giles points to rest and holds up a book. Everyone gets up. Buffy looks at a tranparency 2 with the picture of the Gentleman. === The Initiative. This night Forrest and Riley and others don military garb. And carry w*apon. === Buffy patrols a street with houses and yards. === Riley on a grassy street, spots shadows moving in the clocktower. 2:35 am. He heads toward it. === A dorm room. Tara has Willow's address "214 Stevenson" on a post-it from the phonebook with Willow's name highlighted. A book is open to a chapter titled "spells of speech and silence." She closes her door and leaves carrying some books and notepads. === Campus lawns. Tara is walking alone at night with her books. She looks back and trips over shrubs. As she is picking up her books we see two of the gentlemen and two lackeys coming up behind her. She hears the rattle of the straitjackets? and looks and runs. And she is chased. === Buffy sees a Gentleman gliding on the other side of the street but is tackled by a lackey springing from behind a bush before she acts. Tara is runnning down the hall and she bangs on a door. A dark haired girl sits up. Tara bangs on another door. The dark haired girl clutches her sheets in fear but doesn't move. Tara sees two Gentlemen floating towards her. Tara tries to yell. Tara --help-- Tara --help-- The lackeys appear behind the approaching Gentlemen. She bangs on another? door. She runs from the Gentlemen who started to get close, followed by their two lackeys. She gets to a stairway. === Street. Buffy flips a lackey to the ground. Another grabs her from behind and she elbows and backhands it. She kicks the first ducks a roundhouse from the second, kicks it in the leg to bring it down and snaps its neck. It goes down. The first lackey runs. Buffy looks around, then chases it. === Clocktower, lower level. Riley enters a door. He is tackled from and rolls loose and kicks it away in the head. He pulls an extendable club/rod from his boot. Three blows knock it to the ground but another grabs him. === Dorm hall. Tara runs up the stairs and bangs on doors. She is banging on 21? Willow hears the banging and wakes up. She was dressed and asleep at her computer. Willow is afraid. She goes toward her door. The door Tara is banging on opens and a Gentleman holding a heart looks at her. Two more float near the stairs she just came up. Tara runs around the corner. Willow opens her door and is looking the other way when Tara runs into her and they both fall. Willow grabs at her leg and yelps silently. She sees two of the Gentlemen followed by two lackeys. They both get up and run to another stairway mere steps away. Willow is limping. === Riley pushes the one holding him back into barrels, backhands him with his fist holding the rod and flips it over his shoulder. The first gets up and grabs Riley and slams him into a platform with one arm and they both fall to the floor. Riley has lost his rod and reaches out to his other w*apon as the lackey holds him. A third lackey enters at a run. Boards sealing an opening break and Buffy crashes through and knocks it down from the side with a shoulder block and a shove. Riley reaches his w*apon and rolls. Buffy kicks a lackey back. Another she simply throws into a shelf/wall. Riley reaches his feet and uses his w*apon as a club to knock down the one still trying to hold on to him. Buffy and Riley aim w*apon at each other and are surprised to see each other. One of the lackeys gets up and Riley ducks and Buffy ducks, spins and Buffy kicks it in the head. Riley blasts another with an electrical blast. It drops. Buffy sh**t at one with an arrow. A third knocks her bow down and Riley grabs it from behind. The one she sh*t? grabs Buffy and throws her towards the wall. She stumbles and falls but is on her feet to meet it. She pushes it's side into the wall. She kicks it in side and in the head and gives it a left. Riley flips his to the ground. Buffy gives hers a left, a right and then grabs it and flips it down. Riley is holding his with an armbar hold. He looks up. The one who was blasted in getting up and Buffy runs and grabs a rope. Buffy swings on the rope and kicks it. Hard. It flies across the room breaking right through a post and into a shelf. Riley is shocked. Giles apt Giles is reading a book as he gets a cup of something. He and Spike bump shoulders. Spike opens the refrigerator and gets the "kiss the librarian" cup of blood out and drinks. He becomes vamp faced as he drains the cup. He heads back into the living room. Anya is sleeping on the couch with a book at her side. She tosses and turns and her neck is facing towards Spike. Spike kneels down. Xander enters and sees a somewhat pale Anya (a light is on her face) and then Spike's head comes up vamp faced with blood on his lips. Xander: -- -- Xander charges Spike. Spike stands and looks down at Anya. Just as Xander tackles him, Spike gets it and shakes his head Spike: --no-- The tackle wakes up Anya. She gets up. Xander is sitting on Spike holding him with his left hand and hitting him with his right. Giles and Olivia enter. Anya taps Xander on the shoulder twice and Spike is pointing to her with his right hand. Spike got h*t seven times. Anya --{{I'm ok/alright}}-- Xander sees Anya and jumps up and kisses her and hugs her. Anya is puzzled then pleased. Spike gets up. Xander is still hugging Anya. He stops, looks at Spike with a distressed expression, shrugs, and kisses Anya again. Spike looks annoyed. Spike --{{unreadable}}-- Olivia looks at Giles and back at the couple and she is smiling. Giles looks annoyed. Anya -- you wanna go {{someplace}} and -- Anya does a gesture with her hands putting her finger into the fist in the other hand. She also nods slightly. Xander and Anya start to leave. Spike looks even more annoyed. Giles looks revolted. Olivia looks blank or shocked. === Tara and Willow run down the stairs. Willow is limping and Tara is holding her up trying to help her. The lackeys are close behind. They enter a laundry room and lock the door. Banging is heard on the door. At first they try to brace the door, then Willow limps to a soda machine. Tara follows and they both try to push it, but it barely budges (maybe only the top moved) and then it stops. Willow sits down clutching her leg. Tara kneels beside her and looks at her. Willow stares intently at the sode machine. Tara is continually looking back and forth between Willow and the soda machine. Tara sees the soda machine shudder but it doesn't move. Willow looks defeated. The banging continues. Tara looks at the machine once more and then at Willow. Tara slowly touches and then clasps Willow's hand with their fingers interlocking. Willow clasps it back and looks at Tara. Tara nods slowly. They clasp harder and look into each others eyes and as one turn quickly towards the soda machine. It literally spins to barracade the door in under a second. The banging on the door stops. They both look relieved. They look at each other and at their hands. Tara looks a little surprised and Willow, after a moment, also looks impressed with what they did. Both of them seem to get a rush from the power they just wielded. === Clocktower, lower level. A lackey jumps over the fallen lacky and grabs a barrel. Riley kicks the one he is holding and it falls. The one with the barrel knocks Buffy down from behind. She falls in front of another who is lying down. (Are there four now?) The one who h*t Buffy? runs up the stairs. Riley is tackled by one knocking him off the one he was holding who is down again. Buffy looks back and leaves Riley with one standing. She goes up the stairs. === Clocktower, upper level ropes hanging, clockworks, a large bell. Buffy sees there are only two empty jars. She is kicked from behind and falls. Three lackeys grab and hold her and a Gentleman (three are seen) floats toward her with a scalpel. The scalpel gets near and a blast of electricity throws the Gentleman back. Riley sh**t a lackey next. Buffy, held by only two lackeys now, flips over and kicks a fourth approaching lackey. She breaks free and hits one away. Riley's w*apon seems to have run out of juice and he jumps forward. A lackey tackles Buffy. Two are going after Buffy. Riley uses his rod to h*t one and another grabs him and throws him back. He wraps a rope around its arm and neck. Buffy ducks a roundhouse and kicks one in the back. She ducks away from another roundhouse kicks a stool forward into the lackey and delivers a terrific uppercut. Riley gives the one in the ropes an elbow to the head and the other recovers and grabs at him. Buffy takes one and pushes it and its head hits some hanging metal cylinders. A Gentleman moves forward with a scalpel. Riley turns the one grabbing him and bangs its head into the huge tower bell. Hard. The bell actually gongs. Buffy punches the one she pushed twice and kicks it away. A Gentleman s*ab her from behind with a scalpel. Riley turns, alarmed. The gentleman backs away. A lackey grabs Buffy and throws her into a giant spool of rope. Then it holds her around the shoulders and neck from behind. Weakened, she can't break loose. Riley grabs something and hits the lackey from the ropes in the head with it as it gets loose. It goes down. Buffy see the box from her dreams next to the jars of hearts. She flashes back to the little girl holding the box. She waves and then bangs her hands on the giant spool to get Riley's attention as she is being held. Riley smashes a blue vial/jar next to the box and looks at her for approval. She rolls her eyes and pantomines opening. Riley gets it, mouths "oh", and smashes the box. Mist comes out of it. The lackey holding Buffy throws her down. Two of the streamers of mist go into Riley's and Buffy's throats. Buffy screams and screams and screams and the gentlemen's heads explode. Gooey splat sounds as the exploded head parts fall to the ground. Buffy and Riley look at each other. === Campus Exterior. Interior, Willow and Tara are sitting down in a public area. Willow: "You were there looking for me?" Tara: "I thought maybe we could do a spell - make people talk again. I'I'd seen you in the group, the wicca group you were... you were different than them. I mean they didn't seem to know..." Willow: "What they were talking about." Tara: "I think if they saw a witch they would run the other way." She smiles and laughs. Willow: "How long have you been practicing?" Tara: "Always, I mean, since I um, was little... my, my mom used to, She um, she had a lot of power, like you." Willow: "Oh I'm not {{li}}.. I don't have much in the way of power." She smiles. Willow: "Really, I mean most of my potions come out soup Besides... spells going awry, friends in danger... I'm definitely nothing special." Tara: "No, you are." Willow smiles at the compliment. Tara smiles hesitantly, then smiles. === Giles and Olivia are laying on his couch Giles: "So would you say this was, uh, your best visit ever." Olivia: "All the time you used to talk to me about witchcraft and darkness and the like - I just thought you were being pretentious." Giles: "Oh I was. I was also right." Olivia: "So everything you told me was true." Giles: "Well no, um, I wasn't actually one of the original members of Pink Floyd. But the monster stuff, yes." Olivia: "Scary." Giles: "Too scary?" Olivia: "I don't know." Giles wonders. === scene: Buffy's room A knock. Riley enters. Riley: "Hi." Buffy: "Hi." Riley sits on Willow's bed. Riley: "Well, I guess we have to talk." Buffy sits on her bed. Buffy: "I guess we do." They sit silently, facing each other, hands folded in their laps. BLACK OUT

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x10 - Hush"}

foreverdreaming

Disclaimer: This transcript is done to give the poor people that lost their WB station this fall a way to keep up with the series, not for profit and no infringement of any rights was intended. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Previously on Buffy: Spike sitting on the end of Willow’s bed: “Lets try again.” He tries to bite her and is stopped by an excruciating pain in his head. Spike (voice over): “I can’t bite anything. I can’t even h*t people.” Willow: “How’s with you and Riley?” Buffy: “Every time we talk I have to lie. I wish I could just come clean!” Forrest climbs up a ladder in the Initiative compound: “Well, you can’t.” Riley: “I know I can’t. But Buffy is special.” Buffy bursting through the boarded up window into the house of the Gentlemen. Buffy and Riley spinning around aiming their w*apon at each other. Riley sitting on Willow’s bed: “I guess we have to talk.” Buffy sitting on her bed: “I guess we do.” They sit silently looking mainly at the floor only throwing occasional glances at each other. Buffy: “Somebody should speak before one of us graduates.” Riley gets up with a sigh, after a little more time: “What are you?” Buffy: “Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You?” Riley: “Sorry. That came out a little blunter than I intended. - It’s just... you are amazing! Your speed, your strength.” Buffy: “Also passionate, artistic and inquisitive. - Who are you?” Riley: “You know who I am. The rest... what I do... (Shakes his head) I can’t tell you.” Buffy gets up: “Well, then let me. You’re part of some military monster squad that captures - demons, vampires, probably have some official sounding euphemisms for them, - like unfriendlies or – non sapiens.” Riley nods: “Hostile Sub Terrestrials.” Buffy: “So you deliver these – HST’s to a bunch of lab coats, who perform experiments on them, which among other things turn some into harmless little bunnies. How am I doing so far?” Riley: “A little too well.” Buffy: “Meanwhile by day you pretend to be Riley Finn, corn-fed Iowa boy. (Riley looks down) Ever been to Iowa, Riley? God, if that’s even your name.” Riley: “It is, born and raised. And hey! Bulletin: I’m not the only one who’s been a little less than honest here.” Buffy sits back down: “I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would have figured it out by now. - I’m the Slayer. (Riley just looks at her) Slay-er? - Chosen One. (Riley is still lost) She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries? - You’re kidding. (Gets back up) Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma the.” Riley: “And you fight demons. I mean, you waled on those guys.” Buffy: “You did pretty well yourself.” Riley: “But I’m a walking bruise today. You see me with my clothes off I look like... (Buffy raises her eyebrows at him) I mean... I have – bruises... I don’t see a scratch on you.” Buffy: “You’re not looking hard enough.” Riley: “I’m looking pretty hard.” Buffy takes a deep breath both of them look away. Riley: “So then... What do we do?” Buffy: “I don’t know. - I just...(Sighs) I really thought that you were a nice, normal guy.” Riley: “I am a nice, normal guy.” Buffy: “Maybe by this town’s standards but I’m not grading on a curve. (Riley shifts and swallows) I think we both need a little time to – process everything. (Takes a deep breath) Maybe then...” Riley: “Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” They look at each other for a while then Riley starts to leave. Riley turns back: “Oh, - I don’t think I need to tell you...” Buffy sitting on her bed with her arms crossed: “I won’t say a word.” Riley: “Good. It’ll be safer for all...” He trails off and looks over at Amy-Rat, who’s squeaking like crazy in her cage. Shortly thereafter the whole room begins to shake. Riley points at the open closet door: “Over here.” They hurry and stand in the doorframe until the earth stops shaking. Riley: “Wow. That was some ride. (Buffy walks out into the room looking spooked) Sorry I’m so excited. This is my first earthquake.” Buffy: “It’s not mine.” Intro. Cut to Spike pulling the big red leather chair in Xander’s basement to one side of the water leaking from a pipe in the ceiling. Spike: “Sodden sleeping chair is bloody – sodden.” Xander set a pan underneath to catch the water: “The quake just knocked a couple of pipes lose. There is a wrench hanging up over there by the workbench. Try tightening the coupling.” Spike: “Do I look like a plumber to you?” Xander: “No, you look like a big mooch that doesn’t lift a finger around here. But I have to get to work.” Spike: “Yeah, delivering melted cheese on bread, doing your part to keep America constipated.” Xander: “Mock not. Remember who pays for the plasma around here, pal. (Picks up the wrench and hands it to Spike) You earn your keep or you don’t get kept. (Spike takes the wrench. Xander turns away) When you’re done fixing that leak (Spike hauls back the wrench, but is stopped from hitting Xander by the intense pain in his head) try cleaning up *this* mess. And doing a *little* laundry for once wouldn’t k*ll you (Turns back to see Spike holding his head, groaning with the pain) unfortunately.” Cut to Buffy getting ready to leave her dorm room just as Willow comes in. Willow: “Hey! I was in the library during the quake, almost got buried under some 19th century literature. And I don’t have to tell you how hard it is to dig through some of that stuff. You okay?” Buffy: “Yeah. A couple of broken knick-knacks, but no biggies.” Willow: “Well, Porter dorm is completely blacked out. So naturally they are dealing with the crisis the only way they know how: ‘Aftershock Party’.” Buffy: “Ah, this from the dorm that brought us the ‘Somebody Sneezed’ party and the ‘Day That Ends in Y’ party.” Willow: “They do seem to be pretty generous with the milestones. Hey, you should ask Riley to come! Much carousing by flattering candle light.” Buffy: “Ah, Riley is – ahm, busy. I’m pretty sure. But you know, you go on ahead, and I’ll catch up with you there. I’m on my way for a little Giles one-on-one.” Willow: “Anything wrong?” Buffy: “Wrong? No, mm-mm, not at all.” Cut to Giles sitting at the table in his courtyard. Buffy pacing: “Something horrible is going to happen, Giles.” Giles: “It was an earthquake, Buffy. A not uncommon occurrence in southern California. No reason to think it was anything more.” Buffy: “Oh, I so have a reason. A darn good reason. The last time we had an earthquake, I died.” Giles: “Yes, I know that - and - therefore I completely understand your anxiety.” Buffy: “Oh, good. Because I’d hate for my little untimely horrible death concern to be ambiguous.” Giles: “But unless evidence suggests otherwise, I think that we can assume that it’s shifting landmasses and not a portent of some imminent doom. (Lifts up a map of Sunnydale on a board with red pins stuck on it in clusters) Now in the meantime, I’ve got a few theories about our mysterious commando friends.” Buffy sits down: “Oh. - Really?” Giles: “Now based on the locations of our various sightings, and - Spike’s *reluctant* description of their underground installation...” Buffy jumps up: “What if the quake was a sign? Ah, a bad omen and we just ignore it? There is going to be a lot of red faces when the world comes to an end.” Giles gets up: “Buffy, - *if* the quake heralds some such catastrophe, I’m sure there will be other signs to follow, which will afford us *plenty* of time to avert it. Now, - I believe that the commando installation is either very close to, or directly underneath your school, now if that is the case I’m convinced that one or more of them may be in your very midst.” Buffy: “Plague!” Giles: “What?” Buffy: “What if the end of the world is coming in the form of a plague? Then too many people may be infected by the time we actually...” Giles: “Buffy! Will you stop worrying about what may be and concentrate on what is! (Buffy gets ready to say something he stops her with a gesture) Vigilance is all very good, but as we are getting close the is a much more pressing question.” Cut to Riley and Forrest walking down a white walled corridor in fatigues. Riley: “What’s a Slayer?” Forrest: “Slayer? Thrash Band. Anvil handed guitar band with delusions of Black Sabbath.” Riley: “No. A girl, with powers.” Forrest: “Oh. *The* Slayer. Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of the Slayer.” Riley: “Fill me in.” Forrest: “Well, the way I got it figured the Slayer is like some kind of boogey man for the Subterrestrials, something they tell their little spawn to make them eat their vegetables and clean up their slime pits.” Riley: “You’re telling me she doesn’t exist.” Forrest: “Oh, wait a sec. Am I bursting somebody’s bubble here? Maybe this is a bad time to tell you about – the Easter-bunny? (Laughs) Sorry, sorry, it’s a myth, Rye. All part of that medieval folklore garbage kooks dream up to explain things we deal with every day.” A lab-coat and another guy are leading down a horned demon. Riley: “How do *you* explain the things we deal with, Forrest?” Forrest: “They’re just animals, man, plain and simple. Granted they’re a little rarer than the one’s you grew up with on that little farm in Smallville...” There is a commotion behind them. The horned demon has broken loose. They run to help subdue it. Forrest with the demons arm around his neck: “Where is that hypo?” The lab-coat is fumbling to get his syringe filled. Drops the container. Riley grabs the nightstick the other guy dropped and hits the demon over the head, knocking it out. Riley: “Never mind.” Forrest holding his throat and gasping for air: “Like I said – animals. (Hears a lot of banging) What’s that racket?” Riley: “Animals rattling their cages. Doing it all day. Wonder what’s got them all worked up.” Forrest: “Earthquakes man, make everybody crazy.” Cut to the party at Porter dorm. Willow is standing in the middle of it looking lost. She spots Percy talking to a girl sitting on a sofa and walks over. Willow: “Percy! Hi!” Percy: “Hey, Willow! What’s going on?” Willow: “Stuff. I-I thought you got that football scholarship to USC.” Percy: “I did. (Motions to the girl next to him) Laurie goes here.” Laurie: “Hey.” Willow: “Hi. - Some party, huh?” Laurie gives her a fake smile: “It’s okay.” Percy after a pause: “How’s Oz?” Willow: “Oh, actually, Oz is...” Laurie gets up and links her arm with Percy’s and leans in to whisper in his ear. Percy to Willow: “Uhm, listen – we’re going to get some drinks. Cool to see you.” Laurie: “Bye.” Willow: “Yeah, catch you later.” A topless guy trailing two girls makes his way across the room and walks through a door. As the door swings shut behind them we see the green, clawed fingers of a demon gripping the edge. Cut to the same guy alone in a room fixing four drinks, humming. Guy yells over towards the next room: “Hey, you guys serious about naked limbo? I’m in.” He picks up the four drinks and turns around. An ugly green demon roars, and slices him across the throat with its claws. We see the drinks drop to the floor, blood drips on them. Cut to Willow at the party looking bored. Willow: “Buffy, where are you?” Laurie (voice over): “Why? So I can watch you flirt with that red head?” Percy (v/o): “What, Rosenberg? Yea, right. She’s just some egghead who tutored me a little in high school (Willow looks behind her to see the two of them sitting on a couch, their backs to her) I mean, she’s nice, but, come on, Captain of the nerd squad.” Laurie: “Well, I don’t know. Maybe you have a thing for geeks.” Percy: “No, I like my women hot. (Shrugs) Call me old-fashioned.” Willow walks away looking unhappy as they kiss. Cut to Willow opening the door to a dark room. Willow: “Hello? - Anyone in here?” She closes the door behind her and walks further into the room. She stumbles against something and reaches down to feel what it was, then lays down on the bed. Suddenly the lights come back on and we see that the guy with the sliced throat is laying on the other side of her. Willow slowly turns and jumps off the bed panting with fear. She stares at the symbol of a pyramid with an eye in it that has been carved into his chest. Cut to Xander walking down into his basement, carrying a pizza box. Xander: “Oh, no! Spike the place is worse then when I left! You didn’t even fix the drip!” Spike: “Don’t turn around.” Xander: “Spike, what is it, what happened?” Spike: “Don’t look at me.” Xander turns around and his eyes almost pop out of his head as he stares at – Spike wearing one of Xander’s knee-length shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Xander starts to laugh. Spike holds up some clothes: “I shrunk them. Bleeding shirt, trousers. I hate this place.” Xander: “You know I’m not any happier about you wearing my stuff than you are.’ Spike: “Go out, get me some decent stuff, and I want more blood.” Xander: “No! You’re not a guest.” Spike: “You want me to tear this place apart, you bloody poof?” Xander: “That’s it! I am way past due with you. I hate to break it to you, oh impotent one, but you’re not the big bad anymore, you’re not even the kind of naughty. You’re nothing but a waste of space – my space! And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum, as much as I know I can give you a little bum-kicking myself right now, I’m here to tell you something (He steps forward, right under the drip of water from the leaky pipe) You’re not even worth it. - I’m out of here.” Spike looks after Xander at a loss for words. Cut to the d*ad guy being wheeled away in a body bag as Buffy walks in. Willow sitting on some stairs: “Buffy! Over here.” Buffy goes to sit next to her with a sigh: “Wow. I wasn’t sure where the party was, and then I saw the flashing lights and the ambulance, and I was like ‘right, of course! Death, carnage – it’s a Buffy party!” Willow: “I’m so glad you’re here.” Buffy: “What happened?” Willow: “I found him – this guy on the bed with me. d*ad. Not me d*ad, he d*ad.” Buffy: “God. Are you okay? (Willow nods. Buffy whispers) Vampire?” Willow shakes her head: “There was so much blood, and there – there was a symbol, and Percy said I was a nerd!” Buffy: “Percy called you a nerd?” Willow nods: “I guess we should report to Giles, get with the demon tracking.” Buffy as the walk out: “Does he even go here?” Cut to Riley and Forrest in their dorm room. Riley sh**t a foam ball at the hoop fastened to the door and misses. Forrest: “Okay, that makes 0 for a billion. You don’t got game, son. What’s going on in that head of yours?” Riley: “I’m just trying to – make up my mind about something. - Buffy, - she’s pretty cool, isn’t she?” Forrest sighs: “*Yes* already, she’s cool, she’s hot, she is tepid, she’s all temperature Buffy. Now can we concentrate on the game here?” Forrest sh**t just as the door opens and the third member of their team comes in. The ball hits him on the head. Forrest: “Good block. You should use your face more often.” Graham: “We have an alpha code blue situation.” Riley and Forrest get up. Riley: “One of ours?” Graham: “Negative. Civilian at the Porter hall party.” Forrest: “HST att*ck?” Graham: “Can not confirm that. I couldn’t get close without drawing attention to myself.” Forrest: “Should we mobilize?” Riley: “No, I’ll go. Do a little recon. See if it falls in our domain. You alert Prof. Walsh. Tell her we have a casualty of an indeterminate nature. Lets not make a move until we get the whole story.” Cut to the g*ng at Giles: “It just made me feel like I was right back in high school.” Xander: “Dumb jock! If it wasn’t for you he still would be.” Willow: “I mean, I know the - Percy thing isn’t really important, it’s the - d*ad guy on the bed.” Xander: “Yeah, that’s bad, too.” Willow: “Ooh, and something else. He, the d*ad guy, was-was propped up, like whatever k*lled him wanted to drain the blood out of him. So I’m thinking the whatever took a bunch of the guy’s blood with it. And I haven’t been a nerd for a very long time! Hello dating a guitarist, - or I - was.” Buffy: “Tell me about this symbol.” Willow takes out a yellow napkin and unfolds it: “Right, it was carved into his chest, like a big creepy eye.” Xander looks at her drawing: “It’s kind of the CBS logo. Hey, could this be the handiwork of one Mr. Morley Safer?” Buffy: “I’m telling you I’ve seen this somewhere before, I just can’t remember where! I mean, it’s like...” Giles: “It’s the end of the world.” All three kids: “Again?” Giles: “It’s ah, the earthquake, - that symbol, -yes.” Buffy: “I told you. I-I said end of the world and you’re like ‘poo-poo southern California, poo-poo!” Giles: “I’m so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.” Willow: “No, I-it can’t be. We’ve done this already.” Giles: “It’s the end of the world, everyone dies. It’s rather important really.” Willow: “So what do we do?” Buffy goes and picks up a crossbow: “I stop it.” Everyone looks down on the symbol on the napkin, which blends into the same symbol on the side of a crypt. Buffy: “I wonder where I’ve seen this before? Where else? The place I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff of the sides of mausoleums, big freaky cereal boxes of death.” There is a noise of stone scraping. Cut to the green demon picking up the bones of a child’s skeleton and putting them into a burlap sack. Buffy: “Door was open.” Demon turns and roars at her. She sh**t it in the shoulder with the crossbow, then throws the crossbow at it. It bats the crossbow aside and comes at her. The two of them start fighting, after a while the fight moves outside. At the end the demon picks Buffy up and slams her down on top of a grave marker. Buffy lies on the ground groaning for a moment, but when a shadow falls over her, she flips back to her feet, turns and hauls back with a hard right at – Riley who just manages to block it. Riley: “Wow, that flippy-thing you did...” Buffy looks around: “Where did it go?” Riley: “I saw it take off towards the woods.” Buffy: “And you didn’t follow it?” Riley: “No w*apon, no backup, you don’t go after a demon that size by yourself.” Buffy: “I do.” Riley pulls out a handheld radio: “Yeah, well, I’m no Slayer. (To Radio) Base one, this is lilac one.” Buffy: “Lilac?” Riley holds up a hand to quiet her: “Confirmed sighting of an unidentified Sub-T. Mobilize patrol team for debriefing at o800 hours.” Radio: “Copy that.” Buffy: “Very commandory – lilac not withstanding. (Riley laughs, putting his radio away) What are you doing here?” Riley: “Looking for you, she who hangs out in cemeteries.” Buffy frowns and turns away: “I have to – get the demon.” Riley: “Don’t sweat it. We’ll bag it.” Buffy turns back: “It’s not that simple.” Riley: “Yeah, but - I really think...” Buffy: “Riley, I just... can’t.” Riley: “Can’t talk?” Buffy: “Can’t any of it. - I can’t be with you. - It’s just a huge, black pit of a mistake and I can’t go there again.” Riley: “Again? You’ve dated me before?” Buffy: “No! Look I was involved... (Sighs) You don’t know what my life is like.” Riley: “But I’m dying to find out.” Buffy: “Dying being the operative word here. Okay, there is too much risk. There is too much... (Sighs) It’s just doomed! And I can’t do doomed *again* right now. Sorry.” Riley: “I-I don’t understand where this is coming from. I know you like me. And it’s not like we don’t have anything in common.” Buffy: “But that’s not enough.” Riley: “Buffy, I’m thrown by this, I’m confused... - But I can feel my skin humming, my hands, my every inch of me. I’ve never been this excited about anybody before. I’m not trying to scare you, and I’m not going to force myself on you. But I’m, by God, not going to walk away because I think it *might* not work. I don’t know what’s happened in your past...” Buffy backs up a step: “Pain, - death, - apocalypse. - None of it fun. – Do you know what a Hellmouth is? Do you have a fancy term for it? Because I went to high school on it, for three years. (Shakes her head) We do not have that much in common. This is a job to you.” Riley: “It’s not just a job.” Buffy: “It’s an adventure, great. But for me, it’s destiny. It is something that I can’t change, something that I can’t escape. I’m stuck!” Riley: “You don’t *have* to be. You’re not in high school anymore. You *can* change things.” Buffy: “Riley, no.” Riley: “I know it may seem...” Buffy: “Riley! - My answer is no.” She turns and walks away and he watches her go before turning and leaving himself. Cut to the g*ng researching at Giles. Giles: “A Vahrall demon.” Willow looking over at his book: “Eew!” Xander: “I second that revulsion.” Giles: “Yes. ‘Slick like gold and gird in moonlight, father of portents and brother to blight’.” Buffy reading over his shoulder: “Limbs with talons, eyes like knives, bane to the blameless, thief of lives.” Cut to Riley debriefing his patrol team: “Three meters tall, approximately 100 –120 kilograms, based on my visual analysis.” Graham: “Special hazards?” Riley: “Unknown. Probably nothing we haven’t handled before. There is no pattern we can discern yet, so we got to assume that it is on a basic k*ll-crush-destroy.” Cut to Buffy: “This thing isn’t digging up the bones of a child for fun.” Xander: “Well, a demon’s got some pretty hilarious ideas about fun.” Willow: “Bones of a child though. I saw that! (Pulls a book over to her and flips pages) An ancient ritual – uses the blood of a man, the bones of a child and – something called the word of Valios? I-It’s all part of the sacrifice – the sacrifice of three.” Buffy: “Let me guess – ends the world.” Willow: “Well, yeah, - I-it’s not big with the details, though. It doesn’t say how the world ends or what the ritual entails exactly.” Xander: “The sacrifice of three... – Three people are going to die?” Buffy: “No, they won’t. Because claw boy is not getting all of his ingredients. We have to find that third one, the Word of Valios, keep him from getting it.” Willow: “If he doesn’t already have it. I mean, who knows where he’s been?” Cut to Riley: “Here is one for the good guys: this thing has a pheromone signature a mile wide. Agent Gates has been working with the detection system the lab’s developing.” Forrest gets up: “Can’t tell where it’s going, but I’ve got a bead on where it’s been. (Stands next to Riley) Residual traces showing up in populated areas. The thing’s not shy.” Riley: “We’re going out in civies, day clothes only guys. w*apon stowed in packs, keep ‘em out of sight til nightfall. Remember this isn’t a capture, it’s a k*ll.” Forrest as the meeting breaks up: “Get your quadrant assignment from me. We’ll blanket the town.” Cut to Buffy: “I’ll check the magic shop. See if they’ve heard of a book called the word of Valios. (Puts on her coat) Willow, Xander, how about the book archives at the museum?” Xander: “We’ll stop at my place on the way, get some w*apon, and I’ll change into something that isn’t quite as anchovy scented.” Buffy: “You guys this thing takes wicked very seriously. Be careful. I couldn’t stand anybody getting hurt.” Cut to a stake clamped to the edge of a table. Camera pans up to reveal Spike standing on a chair before it his arms spread wide. Spike: “Good bye, Dru. See you in hell.” He lets himself fall forward just as Willow and Xander walk in. He turns in the air to look at them and misses the stake, smashing the table. Willow: “What are you doing?” Spike picks himself up: “Bloody rot. Can’t a person knock?” Willow: “What were you doing?” Xander: “You were trying to stake yourself!” Spike: “f*g off! - It’s no concern of yours.” Xander: “Is, too. For one thing that’s my shirt you’re about to dust. For another, we’ve shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.” Willow: “Xander!” Xander: “What? He wants to die, I want to help.” Willow: “It’s ooky. We know him, we can’t just let him poof himself!” Spike: “Oh, but you can. You know I’d drain you drier than the Sahara if I had half a chance. And besides, I’m beyond pathetic. Stuck in this basement washing skivvies for a blighter I wouldn’t have bothered to bite a few months ago.” Xander in the process of changing: “Hey!” Spike: “I mean, am I even remotely scary anymore? Tell me the truth.” Willow just looks at him and he jumps at her, curling his hands into claws. Willow: “Well, the shirt is kinda – not very thr*at – and the short pants, but you know it could also be because I know you can’t bite, which I guess isn’t really what you need to hear right now, is it?” Spike: “Stop, please, just clear out.” Xander: “Fine. But you break anything else while we’re gone and you’ll be sleeping in the garage, buster.” Willow: “We can’t leave him here like this! We’ll have to take him with us to the museum.” Spike: “Oh, you go on. I won’t do anything. I feel better now. Promise.” Xander puts an arm around Spike’s shoulder as they walk towards the steps: “Think of the happy. If we don’t find what we’re looking for, we face an apocalypse.” Spike: “Really? You’re not just saying that?” Cut to Buffy walking down the street. She sees Riley slowly walking down the street looking at a little handheld device, and waits for him to get to her. Riley: “Buffy.” Buffy: “Is this really the time for Donkey Kong?” Riley frowns confused: “What? (Buffy looks at the thing in his hand) Oh. It, ah, takes trace readings of creatures pheromones.” Buffy: “And?” Riley: “And it’s either mating season for this thing or it’s moving all over town. - You know, Buffy...” Buffy: “Actually I need to go. Big bad, needs to be squished.” Riley falls in beside her: “Right. I’m on it, too. (Steps in front of her) It’s just - this thing, this you and me thing, it’s Stupid!” Buffy: “I know. Which is why we can’t do it, the you and me thing.” Riley: “No, I mean you’re stupid. (Buffy looks at him) I mean... – I don’t mean that. – No, I think maybe I do.” Buffy: “Wow, with sweet talk like that, you’ll definitely melt my reservations.” Riley: “I’m serious. You have this twisted way of looking at things, this doom and gloom mentality. You keep thinking like that and things will probably turn out just the way you expect.” Buffy starts to walk past him: “You know there is nothing more dangerous than a psych-grad-student.” Riley follows and steps back in front of her: “Buffy, where is the bad here? (Buffy sighs and rubs her neck) It just turns out – we are even more well matched than we thought we were. I mean, you’re a (sees some people walking by) – fry cook – and so am I!” Buffy: “Yeah, but you’re an amateur – fry cook and I come form a long line of fry cooks that don’t live past 25.” Riley: “Which is exactly the attitude I’m talking about. Look, I know the risks of what we do. I also know it’s more rewarding than any other job on the planet – and fun.” Buffy: “Fun? The last person I know that believed that is in a coma right now because she had so much fun on the job.” Riley: “I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take your work seriously.” Buffy: “That I should just turn my frown upside down? Is that it? I wish I could. But this isn’t the kind of gig where you can just hang it up at the end of the night and snuggle with your honey.” Riley: “But why? Why can’t it be?” Buffy: “Because I’ve tried it, okay? And every time it just fell apart. And then I get sucked right back in to the Uber-evil.” Riley: “Welcome to the story of the world. Things fall apart Buffy. And evil – it comes and goes. But the way people manage is, they don’t do it alone. They pull each other through. If you weren’t so self involved you’d see that.” Buffy after a b*at: “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You barely know me.” She walks past him and he stays beside her. Riley: “I know that it’s not just a job thing. I’m sure that there is some good looking guy that done you wrong in there, too. But mostly I think you want to stay down in that dark place (Buffy stops to look at him and he steps in front of her) because maybe it’s safer down there.” Buffy: “You are so out of line.” Riley: “No. See I don’t think so. (Puts his hands on her arms) Look, we have an opportunity here, you and me, and the fact that you’re to scared to even give it a try..” Buffy: “Is my business. So why don’t you just leave me alone?” Riley straightens up slowly and looks at her: “Fair enough.” After another moment he walks past her. Buffy closes her eyes for a moment then walks on herself. Cut to Willow, Xander and Spike in front of the historical museum of Sunnydale. Willow: “Great. No word of Valios.” Xander: “Not even a syllable of Valios.” Spike: “Which means I’m one step closer to melting in a sea of molten hellfire, yeah?” Willow: “You shouldn’t talk like that. Yeah, okay, so you can’t k*ll anymore, but there are other fun things you can do. You’ll adjust.” Spike stops and turns around: “Adjust? And what? End up like the two of you? No thank you.” Xander: “Here it goes. ‘We can’t jus leave him here to stake himself! It’s not right.’” Spike: “I should think you would be glad to greet the end of days. I mean, neither one of you is making much of a go at it. (Gestures at Xander) You. Kids your age are going off to University, you’ve made it as far as the basement. And Red here, - you couldn’t even keep dog-boy happy. You can take the loser out of high school, but...” Willow: “I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to get us to dust you.” Spike: “Am not! I just don’t want pity from geeks more useless than I am.” Willow: “We’re not useless! We – we help people. We fight the forces of evil!” Spike: “*Buffy* fights the forces of evil. You’re her groupies. She’d do just as well without you – better I’d wager, since she wouldn’t have to go about saving your hides all the time.” Xander: “That is no not true! We’re part of the team. She needs us.” Spike: “Or you’re just the same tenth grade losers you’ve always been, and she’s too much of a softy to cut you lose.” Willow and Xander stand there speechless and after a moment Spike turns and walks on a satisfied grin spreading over his face. Cut to Giles looking through a book. He finds a picture of the Word of Valios which turns out to be a 15th century talisman. Giles: “Oh – as usual – dear.” Goes to dig through his chest, pulls out a box filled with necklaces and talismans and pulls out the Word of Valios. Three Vahral demons att*ck him. Cut to Buffy walking into Giles house. Buffy: “What happened?” Giles looking b*at up, is sitting on the couch next to Xander: “It’s my fault. I should have known.” Buffy: “Giles...” Giles: “The Word of Valios – is the name of a talisman – not a book. I blame myself entirely. I had it here." Xander: “You had it here? Okay, first I thought you were being to hard on yourself, but...” Willow brings some ice wrapped into a dishtowel and Giles presses it against his head. Giles: “Oh, thank you. I bought it at a sorcerer’s estate sale. I really only glanced at it once. I thought it was a knock off.” Buffy: “Well, they have it. And they probably have their sacrifices by now, too.” Giles: “They’re on their way to perform the sacrifice now.” Buffy: “On their way where? You found out what the ritual is for?” Giles: “The Hellmouth. They are going to open the Hellmouth. - The one in the library.” The guys look at each other then Buffy gets up. Buffy: “Looks like we’re going back to high school.” Cut to the g*ng walking up to the ruins of Sunnydale High with the moon almost full in the sky above it. Buffy as they enter: “Be careful you guys, the place doesn’t look to s*ab.” Spike: “Fine by me. Hope we all go under.” Buffy: “Why is he even here. It’s not like he can fight!” Willow: “If we leave him alone, he’ll stake himself.” Buffy: “And that’s bad because...? - Fine. Whatever. Just keep him out of the way. I do *not* have time for this. (Sighs) Okay, when we get to the library keep a look out for victims they’re keeping alive for the sacrifice. Getting them out is the first priority.” Willow: “Will do.” Buffy takes a deep breath: “Okay – you guys ready?” Xander: “Lets rock and roll.” Spike mocking Xander: “Lets rock and roll.” Cut to them waking down a burnt up and tattered hallway. Xander: “Sunnydale High. These walls – if they were still walls, what stories they could tell. (Steps on something squishy) Eew! (Everyone turns to look at him) Mayor meat. Extra crispy.” They walk on. Willow: “I think we’re near the library.” Cut to them entering what used to be the library. There is a big hole where the floor used to be. We hear a growling chanting going on. Willow: “Whoa. Check out the new floor plan.” Three Vahral demons are standing around a fissure in the floor. Buffy: “Three of them.” Willow: “I don’t see any sacrifice people.” Buffy: “They must be around here somewhere. The ritual is not finished. And it’s not gonna be.” Buffy jumps down into the hole and att*cks the three demons. One of them drops the bottle with the blood and Xander hurries over to pick it up before any of the demons can get it. Xander: “The blood! - Get the talisman. They can’t do the ritual.” Buffy keeps waling on the three demons. Willow darts in and pulls the sack with the bones out of one of the demon’s hands. Willow: “I’ve got the bones! (She tosses them to Xander) Here!” Xander tosses them right back to her as he is att*cked by one of the Vahrall. Xander as the demon keeps beating him in the stomach: “You’ve got the wrong man, dude. I’ve had a lot of practice with my lunch money.” Willow tosses the bag of bones to Spike, who is sitting by the edge of the hole watching the fight. Willow: “Spike!” Spike catches the bones and sees one of the Vahral coming for him: “Right, perfect.” Buffy is fighting one demon, Xander another and the last is beating up on Spike. The one fighting Xander gets a hold of the bottle of blood, turns and jumps into the Hellmouth. Xander: “Okay, I guess I won. (The earth begins to shake) The demons! They *are* the sacrifice!” Spike finally has enough of getting beaten on. He hauls back, screams and hits the demon with all his might, then puts his hand to his head, but there is no pain. Spike: “No pain! (He hits the demon again) I can hurt a demon!” He vamps out and starts to make up for all the v*olence he’s missed out on, having a great old time. Spike as the demon finally drops: “That’s right. I’m back. And I’m a BLOODY ANIMAL! Yeah!” Spike picks up the Vahrall, not noticing that it has just gathered up the sack of bones and lifts it high above his head. Xander: “No!” Willow: “Spike, not in the hole!” Spike throws the Vahrall into the Hellmouth and another bigger tremor shakes the earth. Spike: “What? I was helping!” Buffy: “Get out of here! The building is going to come down!” Starting with a beam that hits Spike on the back of his head, dropping him to the ground. Xander runs over and helps him up. He and Willow help Spike out of the hole as Buffy continues to b*at up on the last Vahrall demon. She even picks up a piece of wood and stakes it at one point, but to little effect. As the Vahrall hauls back to h*t Buffy, its arm is grabbed from behind by Riley, who pulls it around and starts to b*at up on it. Buffy still on the floor: “Don’t let it jump into the Hellmouth!” The Vahrall grabs Riley and throws him across the room. Riley gets right back up only to get dropped by a hard kick to his stomach. Buffy is back up and waling on the demon. Riley gets back up and the b*at up on it in tandem for a moment before Buffy kicks it across the room. A beam drops on Riley and while Buffy is distracted the Vahrall picks up the talisman and slides headfirst into the Hellmouth. Buffy: “I’m going in.” Riley hooks a cable to her belt: “You’re coming back out.” Buffy runs and dives into the Hellmouth. We get a sh*t of the demon falling. A sh*t of Riley and the cable being pulled from a round box on his belt. A sh*t of Buffy falling. A sh*t of Riley wrapping the cable around a piece of rebar sticking out of some broken concrete. The cable stops being pulled out and Riley starts to pull Buffy back up while the earth is shaking again. Buffy’s arm hooks over the edge of the hole and Riley hurries forward and helps her climb out of the hole. Buffy is holding on to the demon with her left hand and Riley helps her to pull it out of the Hellmouth. Riley: “Buffy.” The Vahrall demon slumps down d*ad and the earth stops shaking. Cut to Riley and Buffy walking up to where Willow, Xander and Spike are waiting for them in the hallway. Riley: “Well, hey! Willow – and Xander, right? Jeez, what are the chances, huh? (Looks at Buffy for help, but she just folds her arms and looks down) Yeah, I was just passing by when I thought I heard people inside.” Willow: “Passing by in your GI Joe outfit?” Riley looks down at himself. Buffy suppressing a smile: “No offence, but you do look wicked conspicuous.” Riley: “I do? But it’s... – Paintball! Yeah, I was playing paintball. And then the aftershocks...” Xander: “So you’re one of the commando guys, huh?” Riley laughs: Oh, no, no, no, no. Commando? No, I mean... (Notices Spike) Don’t I know you?” Spike: “Me? (Affecting a bad Texan accent) No. No, sir. I’m just an old pal of Xander’s here.” Riley: “Oh. That’s nice.” Buffy walks out and Riley and the others follow. Xander to Willow: “It’s kinda weird being back, isn’t it?” Willow looking at the burnt out hallway: “Yeah. Everything seems so small – and more charred and ruiny.” Cut to Riley’s dorm room the next day. He is again trying to sh**t hoops with mixed success. There is a knock on the door. Riley: “Come in.” Buffy sticks her head in then slowly walks in. Buffy: “You never called. So I didn’t know...” Riley: “Oh, hey – I’m sorry. I’m just – I’m a d*ad man. – Secret. Highly. – Or it’s supposed to be. And – and then you find out. I can deal. You’re special. But last night with your friends was a disaster. I mean, could I’ve been *less* convincing? I was *trained* to be sneaky and stuff, and I’m like – Hi! Paintball – just passing by! I should have just given them my security code and rank!” Buffy: “You have a security code and rank?” Riley: “No. Did I just say..? (Sinks down on the end of his bed) This is so not good. (Sighs) Everybody knows about me. I’m finished. It’s the end of the world.” Buffy walks up to him with a smile: “No, it’s not.” She leans down and kisses him. Cut to Willow and Xander watching TV in his basement. Spike walks up to stand right in front of the screen and the two of them sway to one side in an effort to see around him. Spike: “What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still a foot. (Turns the TV off) That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there (Rubs his hands together) and kick a little demon ass! (Xander and Willow stare at him) What, can’t go without your Buffy, is that it? To chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One after all. – Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice - and for - the safety of puppies – and Christmas, right? Let’s *fight* that evil! - Let’s *k*ll* something! (Fade to black) Oh, come *on*!” 3

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x11 - Doomed"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in to room 214 in Stevenson Hall. It is night. Soft music is playing. Interior is dark except for Buffy's bedside lamp, and Riley and Buffy can be seen lying on her bed, above the covers (fully dressed), but to say they were only "making out" would be like saying the sun is only kinda bright. You hardly need to hop to reach the conclusion they're headed for. Riley: (between kisses) We're not expecting anyone, are we? Buffy: Willow said she was going to be at the science library all night. Riley: Is that right? They resume. On the brink of Steven Bochco territory, Riley slips his hand up the back of Buffy's shirt and begins to lift it but Willow pisses off most of the male viewers, as well as some of the female viewers, by barging into the room, breaking the mood. Buffy: Uh, apparently not. Buffy stands up and straightens her shirt. Willow: (worried) We got trouble. Buffy: (serious) What is it? Willow: I was in the rec room. It came through the window. Riley: Vampire? Willow: Vampires don't breathe f*re. Cut to hallway, first floor. Buffy, Willow, and Riley round the corner. Buffy is carrying a r*fle-size crossbow. Riley: I should call for backup. Buffy: No time. She hands him the crossbow and motions him down the adjacent hall and he splits from them towards the other door into the rec room. Buffy arms herself with a stake from her bag. She does not look happy as she and Willow head for the door. Buffy: We have to make this fast. I have better things to do tonight than k*ll. Opens the door and steps inside the rec room which is in total darkness. A second later the lights come up and we and Buffy see that it is a surprise party for her 19th birthday (says the large banner hanging across the ceiling) and a crowd of people yelling: Everybody: SURPRISE! Which Buffy is and quickly hides her stake. Riley rushes in through the door on the other side of the room, but attention is on Buffy so he hides the crossbow without anybody noticing it. In the crowd we see Xander Harris, Anya, Rupert Giles, and several other faces (we might recognize as extras from previous seasons). Willow: (smiling) Guess you won't be k*lling anything tonight, after all. Buffy: (sly grin) Don't be so sure. Wolf's howl. Opening credits and theme playing. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part One ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in to the party, well on its way. The table is lined with cake, snacks, punch, etc. Pan to Giles, Xander, and Anya gathered around the soccer table. Giles has a paper plate with cake and a cup of punch. He's talking around a mouthful of cake as Xander and Anya listen to him. Giles: Yeah, this is a lively space. It's like the activity room we had at public school. Two male students move in on the soccer table and Giles picks up his cup and steps away. Giles: Sorry (chuckles) I, uh, one time I, uh, I was up to a little bit of a prank with the dart board-- Anya: (to Xander) I'm bored. Let's eat. Xander: (sternly) Anya, we've talked about this. Anya: (to Giles) I'm sorry, that was rude. Please continue your story. (seems proud of herself as she looks to Xander) (then quietly) Hopefully it involves treacle and a headmaster. Giles: (not amused) Go and eat. Anya hurries off and Xander gives Giles an apologetic look before following. Dissolve to later. Giles is sitting in a chair against the wall, alone, looking a bit uncomfortable as the party continues around him. Willow walks up to him with another paper plate of cake. Willow: (handing him the plate) Giles! Hi. Are you having a good time? Giles: (standing) Yes. Yes. There's, uh, a lot of new faces here, aren't there? Willow: Yeah. Mostly kids from the dorm. A couple of Riley's friends. Buffy walks up with Riley. Buffy: (happy) Hi, Giles. Giles: Buffy. Happy Birthday. He balances his plate and cup to let her hug him. Buffy: Thank you. Giles: (smiling) Nineteen. It's hard to believe, isn't it? Buffy: There's somebody here I want you to meet. Uh, this is Riley Finn (he steps forward and Giles needs to put down his plate to shake his hand) . . .. my boyfriend. Riley: (as Giles gives Buffy a surprised look) It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Giles. Did you help plan this? It was quite a surprise. Giles: (to Riley) The first of many. Uh, been . . . dating long? Buffy: Giles was the librarian at my high school. Riley: Ah, I've seen the library. It's gone down hill since you left. Giles: (chuckling) Yes. I-I-I'm embarrassed to say that I actually miss it at times. Riley: So, you're retired? Giles: (frowns) I'm sorry? Riley: Or . . . you're working somewhere else now? Giles: (slightly embarrassed) Well, not, uh . . . sort of between projects, uh, right now, uh, it's a personal-- Buffy: Oh! Oh, look. Giles has no cake. Riley: Oh, here. Here, I'll get you a piece. He hurries off to make the cake run. Willow must have already moved on because Buffy and Giles are alone. Giles still seems to be recovering. Buffy: Oh, he's just nervous. But this is so nice. Having everyone together for my birthday. Of course, you could smash in all my toes with a hammer and it will still be the bestest Buffy Birthday Bash in a big long while. Giles: Right. A-a-actually, Willow a-a-and Xander did all the planning. I'm not sure I would have gone with the surprise party. (smiles) You know, you have enough things jumping out at you in the dark. Buffy: Professor Walsh says that adrenaline is like exercise but without the exorbitant gym fees. Giles: (a b*at) Very whitty. Buffy: You should meet her. She's absolutely the smartest person I've ever met. Giles: (feeling a bit slighted) Perhaps we should have invited Professor Walsh to the party? (takes of sip of punch) Buffy: Oh, no. I mean, she's like forty. She's got better things to do than hang out with a bunch of kids. Giles feels even more out of place, but Buffy doesn't pick up on his discomfort. Riley returns with another piece of cake and hands it to him. Riley: Here you go, sir. On Giles' expression cut to-- --exterior of Harris home, next day. A plain looking one-story house. Cut to interior of the basement: abode de Xander. Spike is seen walking back and forth as if looking for something to pack in his bag, cigarette in his mouth. Xander is standing on the other side of the room and Anya is lounging on the recliner, browsing a comic book. Xander: (impatiently) You own nothing. This shouldn't be taking so long. Spike: Hang on. Let a fella get organized. Spike sees a radio and picks it up. Xander: That's my radio! Spike: And you're what? Shocked and disappointed? I'm evil! Anya: (putting comic aside) So, what kind of place are you looking for? Spike: I don't know. Maybe a crypt. Some place, you know, dark and dank. But not as dark and dank as this. Anya: Heh. It's pretty depressing, isn't it? Spike: I've known corpses with a fresher smell. In fact, I've been one. (flicks is cigarette away) Xander: That's it! Let's go. Xander marches to him about ready to drag his ass out. Anya: Wait. (gets up and unplugs the tall three-head lamp and brings it over to him) I want to give you something for your new place. Xander: That's my lamp. Xander takes it back from her and returns it to its original spot. Anya: A gift is traditional. I've read about it. Xander: That's among friends. With bitter enemies we don't give them my lamp. Spike: It's not gonna have electricity anyway. It's a crypt, remember? Anya: What about running water? A fridge to keep your blood fresh? Spike: (a b*at) No. Anya: Well, that's gotta suck. You should just get a hotel room or something. Spike: (considers) Demon girl's got a point. I need fresh blood. If I had a few bob for a room with an honor bar-- Xander: Out! Before I get the Slayer over here to kick your ass out! Spike: (sighs, picks up his long coat) Don't know why she didn't come. Say good-bye, shed a few tears. Xander: Well, she has an appointment with somebody who's actually still *scary*! Cut to Professor Walsh's office. Walsh is sitting behind her desk and has a serious expression on her face. Walsh: So, the Slayer. Buffy: Yeah. That's me. Buffy is sitting in front of Walsh's desk, looking a tad nervous, with Riley standing slightly behind her left shoulder. Walsh: We thought you were a myth. Buffy: Well, you were myth-taken. (smiles but sees that neither are gonna laugh and stops) Walsh: And to think all that time you were sitting in my class. Well, most of those times. I always knew you could do better than a B minus. Now I understand your energies were directed in the same places as ours, in fact. It's only our methods that differ. We use the latest in scientific technology and state-of-the-art w*apon and you, if I understand correctly, poke them with a sharp stick. Buffy: Well, it's more effective than it sounds. Walsh: Oh, , I'm, heh, quite sure of that. As I'm just as sure that we can learn much from each other. I'm working on getting you clearance to come into the Initiative. I think you'll find the results of our operation most impressive. Agent Finn here, alone, has k*lled or captured-- how many is it? Riley: (note of pride) Seventeen. Eleven vampires, six demons. Buffy: Oh . . . Wow. (trying to sound impressed) I mean, that's . . . seventeen. Walsh: What about you? Buffy: Me? Walsh: How many hostiles would you say you've slain? Glancing back and forth between them, Buffy is considering, and from her expression we-- Cut to Giles's apartment. He's dusting inside one of his book cases. He stops as he suddenly remembers something. He holds the feather duster between his teeth and takes an old tome from the shelf. He opens it and sits down on a cushion footrest. He reads then does a calculation with his fingers. He removes the featherduster. Giles: "Third new moon after the . . . nine-hundredth feast of Delthrox." Oh, (stands up) crap. Cut to moments later. Giles is at his work desk gathering supplies and putting them in his bag as he talks on the phone. Giles: No, we can't wait for her, Willow. The demon Prince Barvain is going to rise tonight. Well-- Where is she, exactly? Cut to UC Sunnydale campus. Still daylight. Buffy and Riley are walking outside approaching a large flowing fountain. Riley has a stunned expression on his face. Riley: Wow. Buffy: Those are my best stories. And I didn't tell you the "Buffy breaks her butt" stories. Riley: But you've k*lled a-- You did the thing with that-- Uh, you drowned. And the snake! Not to mention the . . daily . . slayage of (pause) Wow. Buffy: It's no big, really. (cheerfully) Hey, who wants ice cream! Riley: Buffy. When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending . . . I just assumed that was a big week for you. Turns out I suddenly find myself . . . needing to know the plural of "apocalypse." They've rounded the fountain and continue walking. Buffy: Look. If you've been fighting since you were fifteen you'd have a hefty resume' too. Riley: (shocked) Fifteen!? Buffy: (winces) I know, "wow." The point is, that, that we have different amounts of experience. You know. And plus, I do have that whole preternatural Slayer strength deal. Riley: (nodding) I've seen. Don't get me wrong. The girls I grew up with could hold their own. But . . . I'm not even sure I could take you. Buffy stops and looks up at him. Buffy: That all depends on your meaning. Riley smiles down at her. Cut to Professor Walsh's office. She is standing behind her desk busy looking over some papers. There is a knock on the door. Walsh: Yeah? The door opens and Giles steps inside. Giles: Professor Walsh, I presume. You're hard to find. These--these halls are quite the labyrinth. I felt like Theseus and the Minotaur in the . . . labyrinth. Walsh: (a b*at) Can I help you with something, Mr. . . . ? Giles: Giles. Rupert. (walks over and offers his hand, Walsh shakes it) I'm looking for Buffy Summers. I'm, uh, a friend of hers. And I was her high school librarian. Walsh: I'm sorry, Buffy's not here. But if I see her . . . Giles is looking at Walsh's framed credentials hanging on the wall. Giles: Buffy's been very influenced by your cause. She quotes you quite often. (smiles) Sometimes she sounds like an introductory textbook herself. Walsh walks past him to put something in the file cabinet next to him. Walsh: (returning to her desk) I don't lecture from the text book. But I'm glad she's inspired by the material. She's bright. All she's really been lacking is encouragement in the academic sect. Giles: Oh, uh, I think it's best if-if. . . if we let a young person find their own strengths. If you lead a child by the hand then they'll never find their own footing. Walsh: And if it's true about hiking, ergo, it must be true about life. Giles: (removing his glasses to polish them with a handkerchief) That's not, uh . . . I'm just saying Buffy is, uh, well she's not the typical student. Once you get to know her, she's a very unique girl. I hope you're not going to push her. Walsh: I think I do know her. And I have found her to be a unique woman. Walsh rounds to the front of her desk to sit in a chair facing him. Giles: "Woman." Of course. How wrong of me to choose my own words. Walsh: She's very self-reliant, very independent-- Giles: Exactly! Walsh: --which is not always a good thing. (this causes Giles to pause) I think it can be unhealthy to take on adult roles too early. What I suspect I'm seeing is a reaction to the absence of a male role model. Giles: (squinting) Absence? Walsh: (standing) Buffy clearly lacks a strong father figure. Giles is speechless. Walsh decides to end the conversation. Walsh: I'm sorry, I have things to do. I'll tell Buffy her *friend* was looking for her. Walsh moves back behind her desk to continue working and off Giles' slighted expression we-- Cut to a cemetery at night. Xander and Willow are at Giles' sides. They are walking in a quick pace to keep up with him. Willow: This prince/demon guy was supposed to rise at sunset so aren't we, like, late? Giles: Of course if I hadn't had to search the globe for our Miss Summers and do battle with that harridan. . . . Xander: And if you hadn't gotten lost on campus afterwards . . . Giles: Never mind. I'll just have to take care of it myself. I've vanquished a few demons in my day without her. Of course, it wouldn't surprise me if we're entirely too late. Demon on the loose, carnage everywhere. They've reached a large mausoleum and step inside through the wrought iron gate. Cut to interior sh*t of them opening the inner door walking down the foyer steps. They see the place is in order, except for a lot of cobwebs decorating the walls. Xander: Your better demons will clean up after themselves. Giles: (confused) I don't understand. (moves to the center of the chamber, scanning with his flashlight) Umm, there should be ruptured earth and-and broken stone. Oh, well, apparently it hasn't happened yet. A bit of luck. Giles sets his bag down on the floor and opens it to begin pulling out his supplies. Willow: Or, you know what I bet? I-I bet the Initiative took care of it. Giles: Who? Xander: Oh, Riley and his guys. Probably all over it. Willow: Yeah. It has that "too neat" look. They must have cleaned up the place. Giles is looking at them, at a lost. Giles: What? Willow: Oh, they read hot spots. Areas of otherworldy energy. (looking around) They must've picked this place up days ago. Giles stands up and faces them. Giles: Stop, both of you. Uh, what, uh . . . What are you talking about? W-what's the Initiative? What. . . what on earth does it have to do with Buffy's new boyfriend? Giles raises the flashlight almost to their faces as Willow and Xander exchange a nervous glance. Willow: You know. I'm sure you know. Riley's one of the commandos. Giles: (exasperated) What?! Well that's marvelous, isn't it? (turns away in a fit) Here I am, spent weeks trying, uh, t-to get a single scrap of information about our mysterious demon collectors and no one bothers to tell me that Buffy's dating one of them?! (faces them) Who else knows?! Xander: No one. No one else knows this. (pauses) Anya, and that's it! Willow: (sheepishly) And Spike. Giles: Ssspike?! Spike knew? Xander: Only the basic stuff. You know, that Riley is a commando and Professor Walsh is in charge. Giles: (furious) Professor Walsh!? That fishwife!? Willow: You know, she's actually not that bad once you get to-- (sees Giles' look) So, th-the demon is probably a little late. W-we'll just, you know-- Giles: Oh, forget it. Go on. You two clear off. I'll just stay a little longer just in case. Willow: You sure? 'Cause we can stay. Giles: No. Go. Eager to escape his wrath, Willow and Xander b*at feet out. Giles sits down on a stone bench in silence for a few seconds. Giles: Who am I kidding? He stuffs his supplies back in his bag and hurries to the door. Giles: (muttering) Nothing is gonna happen. He leaves closing it behind him and all is quiet for a moment. Then we see the back of a man wearing a gray trench coat step into the frame looking at the closed door. Ethan: I wouldn't say that. (cut to front closing sh*t of Ethan Rayne) I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, Ripper, old mate, I'd say something rather interesting was about to hap-- sh*t of the door opening again and Giles shining the flashlight inside. Giles: Did someone--? Ethan: (caught) Oh, bugger! I thought you'd gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~ Part Two ~~~~~~~~~~~ Just as we left things. Giles is stepping down to Ethan's level. He doesn't look happy to see the other English man. Giles: Ethan Rayne. You have no idea how much thrashing you is gonna improve my day. Ethan tries to bolt past Giles, but Giles clubs him in the gut with the flashlight and Ethan falls forward. Giles jerks him back up and is ready pummel him, raising a fist. Ethan has his hands up to ward off att*ck. Ethan: (scared) No, no, no! Wait! Hang on! You-you can b*at the crap out of me. Go ahead, I can't stop you! (Giles cocks back his fist) Or-or you can listen to what I have to say. Find out what's going on. Giles: What are you talking about? Ethan: Something bad is happening. Bad for both of us. Giles: Bad for you. (cocks fist again) Ethan: No, no, no! Listen! You have to listen! You're going to need time to prepare! >From Giles' "ready to kick Ethan's ass" expression we-- Cut to a bar. Dimly lit, slight h*nky tonk feel to it. Juke box playing music in the background. Ethan and Giles are sitting at a booth as a waitress is serving them their draft beers. Ethan is removing his coat. Ethan: Brilliant! Now isn't this more fun than kicking my ass? Giles: No. Ethan: Oh. It's more fun for me. Waitress moves away. Giles: (raising his glass) Just tell me what you want to tell me. Ethan: (mock hurt) Oh, so crass. We used to be friends, Ripper. When did all that fall apart? Giles: The same time you started to worship chaos. Ethan: Oh, religious intolerance. Sad, there. I mean, just look at the Irish troubles. (annoyed, Giles starts to rise to leave) Oh, hang on, I'll tell ya. (Giles settles down again) Something happening in the darkworlds. It's always been rumors out there but . . . only one thing's coming through clear.. That something's harming demons and it's not the Slayer. Know anything about it? Giles: (takes a drink) What are they saying? Ethan: Heh, you know demons. It's all exaggeration and blank verse. "Pain as bright as steel" things like that. They're scared. There's something called "314" that's got them scared most of all. The kind of scared that turns to angry. I know we're not particularly fond of each other, (Giles chuckles scoffingly) Rupert. But we are a couple of old mystics. This knew outfit, it's blundering into new places it doesn't belong. It's throwing the worlds out of balance. And that's way beyond chaos, mate. We're headed quite literally for one hell of a fight. Cut to close up of Buffy throwing jabs at the camera. High sh*t: we see she is sparring with Riley on workout mats, circling each other. He's dressed in sweats and a T-shirt. Buffy's in a white long sleeve shirt and blue jeans, with a scarf wrapped over her long flowing hair. She throws a few more jabs and he blocks them and counters with a one-two combo Buffy easily ducks under. They continue to circle. Buffy launches three roundkicks in quick succession. He blocks the first two then sidesteps the third gets up behind her and wrapping his arms around her. Riley: (smiling) Are you pulling back? Buffy: (grinning) Are you? Riley: (shrugs) Maybe a little. Buffy suddenly spins out of the hold and Riley is thrown off his feet, spinning before hitting the mat on his back. He looks up. Buffy is smiling down at him. Buffy: Maybe a little, too. Riley smiles and kicks himself to his feet. They begin to circle again. Riley: I'll go all out if you will. Buffy: Are you sure? Riley: (serious) Here we go. Riley steps in with a combination of hard swinging hooks that Buffy is quick to block. She ducks under his last punch and captures his legs in a scissor hold and takes him down with her. Riley quickly rolls out of her legs and scrambles to his feet. Buffy is quicker and is waiting for him. She hits him in the chest with a side kick that launches him into the air. He flies across the room over a gymnastic pommel horse and lands on a thick fall cushion. The impact upsets another large cushion leaning against the wall and it falls on top of him. Cut to Buffy. Shocked expression at what she did. Buffy: Riley! She runs over to him and tosses the cushion off of him. Buffy: Are you hurt? Riley sits up, hand on his chest. He looks winded. Definitely humbled. Riley: I, uh, (groans) I don't think so. Buffy: I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to, uh-- Riley: (sounds unsure) It's fine. I'm good. Riley offers a slight grin and Buffy seems to feel better. Cut back to Giles and Ethan. Everything is almost the same except that their table is cluttered with glasses and sh*t glasses, mostly empty, and they are both stinky drunk. They seem on the verge of passing out. Giles: (faltering voice) You know what gets me? This is what gets me. Twenty years I've been fighting demons. Maggie Walsh and her Nancy-ninja boys come in and six months later, demons are pissing themselves with fear. They never even noticed me. Ethan: (drunkenly) Who's Maggie Walsh? Giles: Oh, she's awful. She said I was an absent male role model. Absent my ass. I'm twice the man she is. Ethan: (OS) You know you're really very attractive. Giles: Hm? He sees that Ethan is talking to the waitress, who is serving them another round. He starts writing something on a piece of paper. Ethan: Here's my name and number. (hands it to her) You give me a call, I'll show you a good time. Waitress: (unimpressed) Yeah, thanks. She departs. Giles: We gotta face it, we've changed. We'll not you . . . you're still sadistic and self-centered. Ethan: (toasting himself) Here's to me. Giles: The world has past us by. Someone snuck in and left us a couple of has-beens in our place. This Initiative, I mean, their methods may be causing problems, but they're getting the job done. Where am I? I'm an unemployed librarian with a tendency to get knocked on the head. Ethan: Well, we won't have to worry about that anymore now, mate. (serious tone) When you went to the loo I slipped a small pellet of poison in your drink. You'll be d*ad in an hour. Dramatic pause as the words sink in for Giles and he seems to sober. Ethan: Just kidding! They both burst out laughing, blood alcohol returning to their high intoxicated levels. Giles: (calming down) I'm gonna feel like hell in the morning. Ethan: Relax. Enjoy the night. We're just a couple of sorcerers. The night is still our time. Time of magic. They raise their glasses in a toast. Giles: To magic. Cut to Tara's dorm room: dorm unknown, room number unknown. It is very dim. The walls are black and strewn with a string of white Christmas lights that give the place a mystical look. Tara is kneeling on the floor pouring white powder, sand, or salt in the design of a four-point star in a circle. Willow is holding a red rose. Willow: (sitting across from her) I'm glad you wanted to get together. I know it's late. Tara: Thanks. (a b*at) I was happy you called. Willow places the rose on top of the circled star. Willow: We'll start out slow. Tara sits and Willow reaches her hands out to her and the blonde girl links hands with her. Tara: Okay. Willow closes her eyes and Tara follows suit. They sit there for a few seconds in silence. Tara: Willow? Willow: Yeah? Tara: (eyes opening) Start out slow doing what? Willow opens her eyes. Willow: (in a soft voice) Oh. We're gonna float the rose. Then use the majiks to pluck the petals off, one at a time. It's a test of synchronicity. Our minds have to be perfectly attuned to work as a single delicate implement. Tara: (a moment, then smiles) Cool. Willow: And it should be very pretty. They hold hands again and close their eyes. They are in deep concentration and a bright light comes to life on the circled star. At the same time a soft breeze sweeps through the room and the rose starts to shudder. Slowing it begins to rise. When it is shoulder level with the girls they open their eyes and look at it. They release each other's hands. Tara: (softly) It worked. Willow: (softly) Now for the hard part. The petals. They begin to concentrate again looking at the rose when the rose suddenly sh**t off across the room. Surprised, they stand and watch as the rose ricochets off the walls a few times and have to duck to avoid it. It finally comes straight down on the four point star and we see that it is petalless but smoking. Willow: (shocked) What the heck was that? Tara: I don't know, but, uh, the petals are off. (chuckling) Cut to exterior sh*t of Giles' apartment building, morning. Giles' Citroen is parked by the curb. Cut to interior sh*t, Giles' loft. An alarm buzzer goes off and we see a body moving under a sheet on the bed and the alarm is shut off. Dissolve to sh*t of panted legs walking down the stairs. Giles: (yawning) I feel like hell in the morning. We see Giles reach the landing and stop in front of a small mirror hanging on the wall while he releases a big yawn, stretching his arms. We see that Giles is a demon! Light brownish tan skin, with long horns sprouting from the sides of his forehead, curving back and around his really long, hairy, ears, ending in sharp points next to his cheeks. As he yawns he shows us a set a fangs much like a vampire's. He smacks his lips when the yawn is done and finally opens his sleepy eyes and sees his new form for the first time. Giles: (eyes popping wide open) Uh! Wha-- Wha--(touching his horns) No! Leaning closer to the mirror he puts a hand on the wall and his now clawed hand goes through it. Giles is in a state of disbelief as he pulls his hand back out and absently rests it on the stairs' banister. It's instantly rip from the railing. He looks at what he did. Giles: Damn! He takes the final steps down to the first floor and throws the banister down, where it hits a chair and shatters it. He's looking around, confused, then is struck by a thought. Giles: Ethan. Giles' voice has taken on a low gravelly sound. He goes to pick up the phone and it shatters in his hand before he can lift it to his ear. He drops it and moves to pick up his shirt from the floor. He struggles to get into the sleeves and when he tries to shrug into it his now jutting, ridged, spine rips it down the middle. Giles: (grimacing) Oh, and I liked that shirt! He trades the shredded shirt for a thick flannel blanket and wraps it around his shoulders as he heads for the door. He grabs the handle and the door comes off its hinges, but Giles is beyond caring at this point and steps outside. Cut to Buffy. She and Willow are having breakfast in the Rocket Cafe on campus. We haven't seen Buffy in this good a mood in such a long time it's almost scary. She is happily stacking her pancakes on her plate. Buffy: I like pancakes 'cause they're stackable. (looks at Willow's plate) Ooo, and waffles 'cause you can put things in the little holes if you wanted to. Willow: (laughing) You should always have a new boyfriend. You're so much fun right now. Buffy: Hey. I didn't hear you come in last night. Where were you? Willow: (quickly) The chem lab, by myself. (a b*at) I-I was trying this new spell; floating a rose, when all of a sudden (motions with fork) zing, zing, zing! Like all over the room. It was like a rose-based m*ssile. Buffy: Yikes. Willow: I know. I think there's something out there. I-I felt this presence.. This dark majiks energy blocking the spell. It's new. Buffy: Someone else doing majiks? Willow: Maybe. If so, it's someone pretty powerful. Buffy: Hmm. I'll tell Giles about it. Or maybe I'll tell Maggie. She seemed kind of interested in learning the mystical side of the whole demon hunting biz. Willow: Tell Giles. He's feeling a little hurt right now. (Buffy frowns in question) How come you never told him about Riley being a commando? Buffy: I did. (Willow shakes her head) I didn't? Willow: He says no. He's feeling neglected and out-of-the-loopy. Buffy: Well, I didn't at first because Riley said not to. And . . and then "meow" cat out of the bag and I-I guess I just forgot that he didn't know. (cheerfully) I'll make it up to him when I see him. Tomorrow. I'm spending today with Riley. Willow: Oh, yeah. I forgot that's what you always do on the days when the earth rotates. Buffy: (smiling) It's just going so well, right now. I think. (stops smiling) I hope. (grins sheepishly) I sort of kicked him across the room last night. Willow: Uh, that's not good. Buffy: Well, we were sparring and he said not to hold back. And he's a little dented. But he said he was okay with it and I think he's okay with it --do-do you think he's okay with it? Willow: I'm sure he is. I mean, if he's not . . . you know, you had to do it. He's right. You can't walk around pretending you're less than you are. It wouldn't be right for you to hold back. Buffy: Right. (frowns) Willow: What? Buffy: (a b*at) I held back a little. Cut to Xander's basement. Giles quietly opens the door and steps inside. He walks under the clothesline of drying underwear and sees Xander sleeping in bed. Giles: (surprised) Still asleep? (sees the clock) It's ten thirty in the morning. He moves forward and leans down to gently shake the bed. Giles: (whispering) Xander. Xander, wake up. Groggily, Xander turns on his side and looks over his shoulder at him, eyes still closed. Xander: (sleepily) Mom? Giles: No, it's not mum. Now, when you look at me . . . you may be a little alarmed but there's no need, it-it's me. Giles. Now, Ethan has turned me into a demon and I need your help. Xander slowly opens his eyes. Giles: Hello. Yes, it's me. Giles: (Xander's POV: speaking a demon language) Xander: AHHH! Xander jumps out of bed and backs away. Giles: Xander, listen! Don't you understand me? Giles: (Xander's POV: speaking demon language) Xander: (shouting) Demon! Demon! Giles: (Xander's POV: speaking demon language) Giles: Please, don't you understand? (Xander starts grabbing pots and pans from his shelves and throws them at him) No, no! Don't! Xander! Xander, calm down! Ow! You're just a little overwrought. Oww! Giles: (Xander's POV: growls in frustration and runs out the door) Xander: That's right! Run for your life! Cut to Giles outside in broad daylight, running across a lawn. Children are playing and Giles is stepping on their toys scattered on the grass. Kids are frightened and a mother is reaching for her child. Giles: (panicked) Oh, God. I'm sorry! Mother: (grabbing her child) Call 911! Giles: (running away) Bloody humans! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Three ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in to panning evening sh*t of Sunnydale. Cut to courtyard of Giles' apartment building. Buffy is leading the way down the steps with Xander, Willow, and Anya. Buffy: So it had pointy things. What kind of pointy things? Xander: The pointy kind. And tufty ears. Oh, and it might have a sauce pan shape bruise. (trails off as they stop) Willow: Giles will know what it . . . was. They see Giles' door is off its hinges leaning against the inside wall. They hurry in. Buffy: Giles? Xander goes halfway up the stairs to check the loft. Buffy: Looks like Xander wasn't the only one to get a visitor today. Xander: (coming back down) He's not upstairs. Willow: Oh, God, Giles. Buffy: Okay. There's a demon and Giles is gone. But it doesn't mean that he's hurt. I mean, there's no blood anywhere so maybe the demon just took him somewhere? Anya is picking up Giles' ripped shirt and holds it up for inspection. Anya: (mildly) I think it ate him up. Buffy, Willow, and Xander become more worried. Cut to a cemetery. Giles is lumbering through, still wrapped in his blanket, in a miserable mood. He walks past a stone mausoleum and does not notice Spike holding up a measuring tape to one of its walls. The vampire sees him and moves out behind him in a casual BMF strut. Spike: Well. What do I spy with my little eye? (Giles stops) A demon. That would be . . . oh, right . . . the things I can k*ll. Giles: ("why me?" tone) Spike. Wonderful. A perfect end to a perfect day. Spike: (frowning) Giles? Giles: (turning around, fists up) Go on, then. Let's get on with the fighting-- You understand me? Spike: Of course I understand you. Giles: I'm speaking English? Spike: No, you're speaking Fyarl. I happen to speak Fyarl. And . . . by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? You just come over all demony this morning? Spike steps back to the mausoleum, pulling out his smokes. Giles follows him.. Giles: As a matter of fact, I did. Thanks to Ethan Rayne. You have to help me find him. He must undo this and then he needs a . . . good being k*lled. Spike: And I'm just supposed to help you out of the evilness of my heart? Giles: Y-you help me and I-I don't k*ll you. Spike: Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter. (takes a drag) Giles: Money. I could pay you money. Spike: (steps closer and flicks cig away) Oh, I like money. How much? Giles: A h-hundred dollars. Spike: A hundred dollars? You'll have to do a lot better than that. Two-hundred. Giles: Fine. Spike: (surprised for a second) Right, then. Giles: Right, then. Spike: So what's first? (grinning) I run and tell the Slayer what you've gotten yourself into? Giles: No. When I find Ethan I can clear all this up without Buffy ever having to find out that anything happened to me at all. Giles starts out of the cemetery and Spike follows. Cut to Giles' apartment. Xander is sitting at Giles' desk looking through several open books. Everyone is looking through books. Willow is holding a book for him. Xander: Okay, that's a giant vulture. I'd have mentioned it if it was a giant vulture. Willow steps away to keep searching. Willow: Buffy, even if we figure out what kind of demon got Giles --I mean, how are we gonna find it? Buffy: We'll figure it out. (shows a book to Xander) Oh, this one has tufty ears. He looks at the page and dismisses it with a wave. They all look towards the door when they hear a noise outside. Willow: (whispering) What was that? Buffy moves quietly to the door pulling out a stake. The door moves and Buffy cocks back the stake and -- It's just Riley. Riley: Buffy? Buffy: Riley. What are you doing here? Riley: There were 911 calls from a couple of different places. Including here. Xander: You get 911 calls? Riley: We have a tap into the system. It flags things with possible nonhuman causes. (Xander shakes his head in dismay and continues researching) We check them out. (to Buffy) What are you doing here? Buffy: This is Giles' apartment. He's missing. The calls, did anyone see what did it? Riley: Negative. No. Neighbors just heard, you know, growling, things breaking. Sounded like a struggle. Willow: Poor Giles. Buffy: We'll get him back. Riley: What are you working on? Buffy: Uh, we have stuff. Pictures . . . Anya: (helpfully) We have nothing. Riley sees Buffy's crestfallen expression as she leans against the wall and puts his hands on her shoulders. Riley: I'll help. The whole Initiative. We'll do whatever you need. Buffy: Thanks. I just wish I knew what I needed. I keep thinking, "let's ask Giles" and then I remember. Xander: He'd be great right now. He'd find himself in a second. Nobody is cooler in a crisis. Cut to Giles' Citroen. Giles is in the passenger seat and Spike is behind the wheel, wrestling with the gearshift. The car sounds like it's being m*rder. Giles: If you can't find third gear, don't try for third gear! Spike: I'm doing my best. I don't know if I'm driving this thing or wearing it. Giles: It's perfectly serviceable. Spike: (laughs) Funny hearing a Fyarl demon say "serviceable." Had a couple of them working for me once. They're more like "Like to crush. Crush now?" Strong though. You won't meet a jar you can't open for the rest of your life. Giles's growls. Spike: (looks at him) What was that? Did you growl? Giles: No. Listen, about this Fyarl demon. Do-do I have special powers? Like setting things on f*re with my sizzling eye beams? Spike: Well, you got the mucous thing. Giles: What? Mucous? Spike: Paralyzing mucous. sh**t out through the nose. Sets on fast. Hard as a rock. Pretty good in a fight. Giles: Are you making this up? Spike: (sly grin) Maybe. But hey, you feel a sneeze coming on, you warn me. Giles: (growls) Turn here. He slams his arm against the door for emphasis and Spike makes a left turn. The Citroen makes it's disapproval of this known with the grinding of gears.. Giles: Down shift! Down shift! Spike: Calm down, will you? Giles: I'm not sure I can. I feel like I'm changing. Spike: (sighs) Fine with me. So long as you pay me. Giles: (growling quality) I really like this feeling. Sort of mindless need to destroy. This anger and rage. Spike: Good times. Go with it. Giles: (almost normal voice again) No. Spike: Oh, it's fun. I can't do it, do it for me. Now let yourself go. Giles: I refuse to become a monster because I look like a monster. I have a soul. I have a conscience. I am a human being. Oh, stop the car! The Citroen pulls to a stop at the corner of Main Street and we see that Professor Walsh has just crossed the street. Giles hops out of the car, without his blanket, and creeps up behind her. When he's close enough he roars and waves his claws in the air. Walsh looks over her shoulder and (surprising for the evil Bitch Monster of Death) screams like a woman and runs for her life as Giles chases her down the street, pass the Espresso Pump. He stops halfway down the street but Walsh continues to flee. Giles hurries back to the car ignoring the gaping stares of a few pedestrians. Giles: (closing the door) Right. Let's go, then. While we're still laughing our asses off, we go back to Giles's apartment. Our g*ng is gathered around the sofa. Xander, Willow, and Anya are sitting on the cushions and Buffy is sitting on the arm of the sofa (really long couch). And Riley is standing behind it. Xander points into the book he's holding and passes it to Willow. Xander: That's the thing that att*cked me. Willow: A Fyarl demon. Sort of a foot soldier type, works for other demons lots of the times. Very strong . . . ugh! And hey, mucous. Buffy: Mucous? Riley: (cell phone beeps and he pulls it out) Agent Finn, go ahead. Buffy: How do I k*ll it? Willow: Silver. A w*apon made of silver. Riley: Yes. I understand. (hangs up) The demon att*cked Professor Walsh. Got out of a small, gray car. A Citroen. Willow: It stole Giles' car. Xander: Why would a demon steal a car? Anya: Why would a demon steal *that* car? Buffy: A demon that steals a car has a reason. A purpose. But it doesn't sound like these Fyarl demons are really big independent thinkers. So, Will, the spells that are going wrong . . . could they be caused by someone using majiks to control a demon? Making this Fyarl demon att*ck Giles? Willow: Yes. Yeah, that would draw in a lot of dark energy. Buffy: Okay. (standing) Willow, Xander: stay here. Who's ever controlling this demon may call and ask for a ransom. Give them anything they want. Xander: You got it. Rounding the couch and stepping towards Giles' desk. Buffy: Riley, you and I are going to the magic shop. Maybe they needed supplies. Uh, something silver . . . She looks on the desk and picks up a letter opener. Riley: A letter opener? It's not very sharp. Buffy: Then I'll have to put some muscle behind it. As they leave the apartment-- Cut to the seedy place Giles and Ethan got smashed. Spike is on a stool, his back to the bar, the same waitress standing in front of him. He throws back a sh*t and places the glass on the bar. Spike: (suave) Two of them. English like me. But older, less attractive. One of them gave you his number. Quick sh*t of Giles sitting at the end of the bar, looking on, hidden under his blanket. Waitress: I threw it out. I mean, I took one look and saw that he was staying at that rat trap. No thanks. Spike: Which rat trap? Waitress: The one by the highway. The Sunnydale Motor Inn. Spike: (smiles) Thank you. Cut to the magic shop where Buffy is kicking in its door (again). She hurries inside with Riley following, and they go behind the register counter. Buffy: Okay. Credit card slips, sales receipt. Help me look. Riley: (disapprovingly) You shouldn't have done that to the door. Buffy: I do not have time to play by the rules tonight. Riley: I have a master key. It opens every shop on Main Street. Buffy: Oh. Well . . . next time, absolutely. Buffy opens a drawer and is flipping through credit card slips. Riley: I don't know what I'm looking for. Buffy: I do. (rips free a slip) (pissed, dumps the slips back in drawer and slams it) "Ethan Rayne." Riley: Who's that? Buffy: (handing it to him) Professional bad guy. He's gotta be the guy that made the demon att*ck Giles. (Riley's pulling out cell phone) At least we know who we're looking for. Riley: (into phone) Command, are you there? Buffy: What are you doing? Riley: (into phone) It's agent Finn. I need a search. Local hotel registrations matching the name Ethan Rayne. R-A-Y-N-E. Call me back. (flips it close) Buffy: (maybe impressed) You can do that? Riley: It'll take a couple of minutes. Buffy: Get in the car. Be ready to go. He starts to follow her out of the shop. Riley: Buffy. (she stops to face him) Earlier, when I talked to Professor Walsh, she gave me very specific orders. Buffy: Yeah? Riley: She said when we located the demon I . . . I'm not supposed to bring you along. Buffy: (not missing a b*at) Oh. (turns to leave) Riley: Uh, what are you doing? Buffy: (faces him) I'm *going* to the car. Riley: Buffy, I can't take you with me. Buffy: You're not taking me with you. I am going and I am letting you come along. Riley: Buffy, it's not really your call. This is a military operation now. Buffy: (steely) Then call out the troops. Because nothing less than that is gonna stop me. This demon did something to Giles and I'm gonna k*ll it. She leaves and Riley has no choice but to follow. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Part Four ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in on our English demons in the Citroen. Giles is growling softly. Spike: How ya feeling, mate? Giles: (growling quality) Like snapping necks until everyone is d*ad. Spike: Now that sounds like a Fyarl demon. Good for you. sh*t through front of the windshield. We see a set of bright headlights pull in behind the Citroen. Spike sees this through the rearview mirror. Spike: Hey, picked up a tail. Giles: (almost normal voice) Yes. Just a little one. It hurts when I sit. Spike: I mean someone is following us. Humvee. Military. Giles: Well speed up. Lose them. Spike: I got it floored. Why'd you buy this car? Giles: Well do something. If they catch us, we'll both end up in a lab! Spike: It's getting closer. Cut to exterior sh*t. A second humvee suddenly swerves in front of the first, closer to the Citroen. Spike: And it's got a friend! Giles: Damn! Giles slams his arm against the door but his fist finds the window and shatters it. Spike: Oh, sure! Dismantle the getaway car. That'll scare them. Giles: Then slow down and I'll jump out. They'll follow you. Spike: Hold on. These commandos. They're the same guys that are after me too.. Maybe I want you around to split their attention a bit? Giles: I'll pay you another hundred dollars. Exterior sh*t. Citroen screaming ass (as well as it can) around a corner and the side passenger door opens to let Giles tumble out onto the street. He rolls towards the sidewalk as the car continues and is on his feet and heading for the shadows by the time the humvees come tearing after Spike. Cut to exterior sh*t of Sunnydale Motor Inn (which looks like the same motel Faith stayed at). Cut to interior of Ethan's room. He is busy packing his suitcase to haul ass out of town when Giles smashes through the door. Almost sh1tting a brick, Ethan turns and is frightened by the site of the pissed off demon growling at him. Then recognition hits. Ethan: Giles? Ethan sees that Giles is deep in "like to crush" mode and backs away at his approach. Ethan: Now-- it-it-- calm down! (gets on the bed trying to escape) It's okay. Good Giles. Giles reaches for him and Ethan dodges him, jumping off the bed. It seems like he might make it past him when Giles grabs him. Ethan: No! No! Don't k*ll me! Practically a mindless Fyarl demon now, Giles gets him by the throat and lifts him in the air. Ethan: (choking) I can't undo you if you k*ll me! But Giles doesn't seem to care and flings him across the room where he crashes head-first into a night stand, shattering it to pieces. That's when Buffy and Riley rush in and see the situation. Ethan: (to Buffy) You've got to stop it! It k*lled Ripper and now it's trying to get me! Buffy: (glaring at Giles, but to Riley) Don't let him go. Giles takes a step forward and Buffy knocks him back against the wall with a spinning back kick. Buffy: (very pissed) What did you do to him? What did you do?! What about Spike? Oh, yeah. The humvee chase is still in progress. Spike is definitely enjoying himself as he pulls the wheel sharply to the side, making the decrepit Citroen fishtail around a corner. The humvees are still on its ass. Spike takes another sharp turn and this time the lead humvee looses control and spins out forcing the second humvee to screech to a halt before it hits it. Spike: (looking in rearview mirror) You just try and stop me, you stupid jar-- (CRASH!) The Citroen crashes into the side of a building. **NOT AIRED IN FINAL CUT OF EPISODE The driver's door opens and Spike staggers out. Spike: I can k*ll demons. I can crash cars. . . . Things are looking up!"** Back to Ethan's room. Giles charges Buffy and shoves her against the wall. She retaliates with a hard right cross. Ethan, trying to escape, hits Riley with a right cross. Riley --showing considerable restraint-- just grabs him and throws him against the dresser twisting his arm behind his back. Buffy is executing a jumping front kick, knocking Giles back. Ethan: (watching) You're only going to make him angry. Which seems true as Giles just keeps getting back up no matter how many times Buffy knocks him down. Ethan tries to escape again, elbowing Riley in the face, but Riley grabs him again, slamming him into the wall before he could reach the door. Giles takes a swing at Buffy who ducks and slams several punches to his face. When Ethan takes another swing at him, Riley takes a few seconds to b*at the crap out of him. He smashes an elbow into Ethan's face and punches him in the stomach. Buffy is hitting Giles in the face with a roundkick and Riley shoulder-flips Ethan to the floor, getting him in an arm lock and pressing a knee against his face. Back to Buffy and Giles: she is picking up a foldable stand as Giles charges her with his large horns and traps his head in the leather straps. Swinging him around she throws him to the other side of the room. She tries to press her att*ck when Giles frees himself lifting his head, smashing the curve of his horn into her face, and she falls to the floor. Giles growls at her. Buffy gets Giles' legs in a scissor lock and takes him down. Before he can get up, Buffy straddles his waist with the letter opener in her hand. She leans down close to him. Buffy: *This* is for Giles! Giles: For me? With both hands, Buffy raises the w*apon high above her head and slams it down into Giles' chest. Giles' eyes open wide. Buffy is looking into his eyes. Buffy: (shocked) Oh, God! Giles! Buffy pulls out the letter opener. Giles: (from Buffy's POV: trying to say something in Fyarl) Buffy: (pleading) Oh, God! Giles! Giles! I'm so--I'm so sorry! Please don't die! Giles: Actually, I feel quite well. Except for the rage. Buffy sees that Giles doesn't seem to be dying and is relieved. Buffy: (to Riley) I think he's okay. I--(frowning at letter opener) is this thing real silver? Cut to some time later. Riley is guarding the door speaking into his cell phone. Ethan is sitting cross-legged on the floor, remnants of a spell just completed in front of him. Buffy is standing behind him holding him by the back of his collar. He's looking glum as he rests his chin on his fist. Ethan: (pouting) I really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It's the "stay and gloat" that gets me every time. Buffy nudges him with her knee and walks across the room as Riley finishes his call. We see Giles, normal again except for a very ugly silk shirt he's wearing, standing in front of the dresser mirror looking at himself. Buffy stands beside him. Buffy: You okay? Giles: (sheepishly) Oh, um, uh, embarrassed, mostly. Ethan's wardrobe's not helping any. (faces her) Uh, how did you know it was me? Buffy: Your eyes. (off his look) You're the only person in the world that can looked *that* annoyed with me. They share a touching moment. Ethan gets to his feet. Ethan: Is this gonna go on much longer? I'd rather like to be going. Buffy: (crossing her arms) And why would I let you go? Ethan: (pompously) Well, maybe because you have no choice. I'm human, you can't k*ll me. What's a Slayer going to do to me? Riley steps up behind him as a couple of tough looking MP's enter the room. Riley: (as Ethan is cuffed) By the authority of the US military, you're being taken into custody pending a determination of your status. (to MP) Take it from here. Ethan doesn't look happy as they take him out of the room. Buffy and Giles exchange a very happy look. Riley: They'll, uh, take Mr. Rayne to a secret detention facility in the Nevada desert. I'm *sure* he'll be rehabilitated in no time. Giles: (grinning) Uh, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna --go and watch them manhandle him into a vehicle. He steps outside leaving Buffy and Riley alone. He steps close to her. Buffy: Thanks. Riley: I told you I'd help. Buffy: You did. If I'd had gotten here any later and if Giles had k*lled Ethan, I . . . never would have gotten him back. Riley: You'd find some other way. (pause) You're really strong. Like Spider-Man strong. Buffy: Yeah. But I don't stick to stuff. But . . yeah. Riley: And you're in charge. You're like, make the plan, execute the plan. No one giving you orders. Buffy: (a b*at) I'm the Slayer. Riley: I like it. Buffy: (smiles) Yeah? Riley: But give me another . . oh . . week to get ready. And I'll take you down. Buffy gives him a slight "oh, yeah?" look and as they smile at each other we-- Cut to Giles' apartment the next day. Buffy is sitting on the sofa, legs curled, barefoot, with a throw pillow in her lap. She is watching Giles hook up his new cordless phone. Buffy: Nice phone. Giles: Yes. Fabulous technology. See, if anyone has information I need to know, they can, uh, simply tell me about it. (lifts the handpiece) Through this ingenious speaking tube. I'm very excited. Buffy takes all this with "I deserve that" acceptance. Buffy: I am sorry, Giles. I really thought I told you about Riley and the Initiative. And I know that it doesn't help. Look, I promise it won't happen again. I will tell you everything. Giles: (walking towards the couch, removing his glasses) Buffy, I don't want to ask you to betray any confidences, and I certainly don't want to interfere-- Buffy: Uh-oh, you have "but-face." (Giles narrows his eyebrows at her) You look like you're gonna say "but." Giles: (a b*at) But . . . this, um, Initiative, I'm-I'm a little concerned. Ethan's not exactly a reliable source but, um . . . I'm not sure that he's wrong about them. Rounds the sofa to sit down next to her. Buffy: I'm not dating the Initiative. I'm dating Riley. He's a good guy. Giles: And I-I believe that. But he's part of something we-we don't really understand. Buffy: (knowingly) You sure you're not just saying this because you don't like Riley's boss? Giles: (as if offended) No! No. I'm not saying that at all. (considers) Though I do . . . hate her quite a lot. But I want you to have your personal life, but . . . keep your eyes open. Make sure you know what you're getting into. Off Buffy's expression-- Cut to the underground headquarters of the Initiative. Riley is walking with Walsh across the large complex. In the background we can see several lab techs and military personnel moving about as well as the two parked humvees --that were unable to catch an old grampa car. Walsh: So she walks in and the rules just suddenly break? Riley: Umm . . . pretty much. Walsh: Be careful with her. She reacts on instinct. There's no discipline there. Her loyalties are uncertain. They reach a metal security door. Riley: You won't be disappointed in her. She's good at what she does. She is the truest soul I've ever known. Walsh: Oh, no (chuckling) oh, no! Spontaneous poetic exclamations. Lord, spare me college boys in love. Riley: I'm just saying she'll work out. You'll be proud of her. Walsh: You want to know what I think? (pause) I think you're probably right. Riley smiles then moves off leaving Walsh who swipes an ID card through a keypad and steps inside the security door. Cut to interior we see Walsh walk a short distance down a white corridor and punch a code into another keypad and slide the ID card through again. The door she is standing in front of unlocks and she opens it and disappears inside. It closes again and we see a number stenciled into the door: 314.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x12 - A New Man"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in on a close up of Willow. She has her eyes closed and is chanting calmly. Willow: I implore you, Neisa, blessed goddess of chance and fortune, heed my call. Send to me the heart I desire. The camera is pulling back slowly and we see she is holding five cards. Xander: You know, magic at the poker table qualifies as cheating. We're in Xander's basement. Willow is sitting on Xander's folded-up sofa bed and Anya and Xander are sitting on large bean bags around the coffee table. They have sodas and bowls of potato chips and pretzels to snack on. Willow: That wasn't magic. I was praying. Two please. He deals her two cards. Anya: Five Xander: Ahn, I keep telling you: four's the max and only if you have an ace. Anya: Okay, four. Xander: Let's see the ace. Anya: (sighs) Three. (gives up the cards) What a stupid game. All these rules just to win little plastic disks. Xander: Chips. They're called chips. They represent money. Since none of us has any money it represents money. But that's gonna change once my merchandise hits the street. He looks at them invitingly. Willow takes the cue. Willow: (munching on a pretzel) Hmm! Wha'cha got in the boxes, drugs? (then sternly) It's not drugs, is it, Xander? Xander: Not drugs. He gets up and goes to the work bench and grabs one of the boxes. Xander: You are looking at the new local distributor for Boost Bars. 'The natural food bar that provides a nutritional energy boost for active, health-conscience people.' (sits) Want one? Willow: No. Thanks. Those things usually taste . . kind of tasteless. And then leave a bad after-tastelessness. Xander: (taking out a bar) Well, don't let the healthy scare you. Check out these ingredients. (pointing at label) See? Loaded with fatty goodness. Anya: Come on, somebody bet already. I got three 'K' cards. Willow and Xander look at her then exchange a glance. They fold their cards. Anya smiles happily and begins sliding the pot of chips to her already large pile. Xander starts to gather the cards up to shuffle. Xander: Wish the Buff could've made it. This three-hand poker is not quite the game. Willow: Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. Anya: (offhandedly while stacking her chips) Yes, we've enjoyed spanking. Reacting in shock, the cards explode from Xander's hands. Gaping, he's about to say something to Anya, but doesn't seem able to talk. Xander: Well. . .(coughs) The thing is . . . I think Riley is . . . okay, in an oafish kind of way. But . . . am I the only one with a big floating question mark over his head about this Initiative thing? Willow: Well, they do seem to fall into the 'good guy' camp. I mean they are anti-demon. (sees Anya's evil eye expression) Probably pro ex-demon. Anya: Maybe. I choose to feel thr*at. Xander: (gathering cards again) And why not? There's still heaps we don't know about these commandos. What exactly are they up to? Let's go see! Cut to somewhere in the woods. Night time. We see a few of the Initiative commandos prowling through the trees and bushes in low crouches. They're all wearing their dark ski masks and armed with taser r*fles. The lead commando silently motions them forward and three of them disappear into a tall stretch of bushes. Cut to long sh*t and we start to hear fighting and a second later one of the commandos comes flying out of the bushes landing at least ten yards away. Closer sh*t: Buffy jumps out of the bushes and there's already two more commandos down and out on the ground around her. A fourth and fifth commando charge her from either side. Buffy greets the fourth commando with quick alternating front kicks that the commando blocks but the impact sends him off balance. Buffy spins into a roundhouse kick into the face of the fifth commando as he comes up behind her. He recovers quickly and swings a punch that she ducks and sends him down with a right hook. Then she turns to the fourth commando who's up again. She fakes him with a high backhand that he blocks, then brings that fist down to hammerpunch him in the groin, making him hunch around his pain. But her attention is already on the fifth commando and she blocks a mid-level uppercut, catching it and has him in an armlock. She sends a back kick into the fourth commando's chest sending him to the ground. Buffy swings her captured commando around just as the lead commando pops out of some bushes with his taser r*fle and fires. The blast hits the helpless commando and he spasms as rings of electricity course through his body. Buffy lets him drop to the ground and readies herself as the lead commando charges her. They are about to fight when-- Walsh: (OS) Lights! The brights of a humvee parked up on a gradual hill illuminates the area and Buffy and the lead commando turn to see Professor Maggie Walsh, in a dark wool coat, hurrying down to them. She walks past the lead commando, who his pulling off his mask and we see it's Riley Finn. Walsh stands in front of Buffy and regards her with a stoic expression. Walsh: It took the patrol team 42 minutes to track you and you neutralized them in 28 seconds. Buffy: (glances at Riley behind Walsh) I was just lucky. Walsh: I see. (Riley starts to smile) Well . . . still. Very impressive. Walsh turns and Riley quickly wipes the smile off his face. She heads back to the humvee. Buffy watches her leave as Riley steps up to her. Buffy: I was just being modest with the whole 'lucky' thing. You got that, right? Again, Riley has a 'shine a flashlight on his teeth and blind yourself' smile on his face as he looks down at her. Riley: I got it. The rest of the commandos are getting to their feet and taking their masks off. Graham Miller passes Buffy on her right. Graham: Awesome, Buffy. Forrest Gates walks past her on her left, without saying a word, looking a little pissed. He has a hand on his back and stops for a moment to look over his shoulder. Forrest: Pfft! (he continues on) Riley: (still smiling) See? You're a h*t. Everybody loves you. He puts an arm around her shoulders and they follow the others. Cut to Walsh standing beside the humvee, looking on. She doesn't look happy. Wolf's howl. Buffy theme and opening credits roll. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part One ~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in on exterior of UC Sunnydale. Daytime. Cut to Rocket Cafe. Panning sh*t to Willow and Buffy sitting at a table across from each other drinking coffee (probably mochachinos). Buffy sounds excited as she tells Willow about last night. For her part, Willow has a happy 'listen even though she really doesn't want to hear this' look on her face. Buffy: So then Professor Walsh said that I was just as amazing as Riley had said. And later, he told me that she couldn't stop talking about this move I made where I used one of the commandos as a shield to block a taser blast. It was like twelve-thousand volts. It took the guy almost two hours to recover. (takes a sip of her coffee) Willow: (politely) Huh. Buffy: Hmm. How was your night? Willow: Like a normal person's. Light on the action-pack. Hope tonight's not too much of a let-down for you. Excitementwise. (a pause) You do remember about tonight, right? Buffy: Bronze. The g*ng. Are you kidding? I wouldn't be anywhere else. I miss you guys. We haven't been able to spend that much time together lately. Willow: You've been busy. Fighting armies and stuff. Not to mention other distractions from a romantic-- (sees that Buffy's no longer paying attention) Buffy: Riley just walked in. Willow looks over her shoulder and we see Riley at the lunch counter perusing the fruit bowl. Willow: Do ya want to let him know you're here? Buffy: No. Just enjoying a good stare. (eyes still on Riley) Tell me about your night. Willow: Well, spent most of it at Xander's teaching Anya to play poker. Buffy: (still Riley-eyed) That sounds like fun. Willow: Yeah. Except the Anya part and the poker part. Buffy: Will, I think you better get used to-- a Twinkie!? (quick sh*t of Riley going to pay for his junk food) That's his lunch? Oh, he is *so* gonna be punished. Willow: (pouty) Everyone's getting spanked but me. Buffy: What? Willow: Uh, nothing. Willow smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. Cut to a cemetery. Daytime. All is quiet. Cut to interior of spacious mausoleum. The door opens and Rupert Giles steps inside. Laying on top of a stone sarcophagus, Spike raises his head at the sound. He throws off the ratty blanket that was covering him. Spike: Hey! Wipe your feet when you enter a person's home. Giles: (closing the door) Oh, yes. Careless of me. Tracking mud all over your, uh . . . mud. Spike is walking towards him. Spike: (looking around) I admit, it's a bit of a fixer-upper. Needs a woman's touch. (looks at Giles) Care to have a crack at it? Giles: While I'd loved to go on trading jabs with you, Spike, perhaps I'll come to the point. As much as it pains me to say it, um, I owe you a debt of gratitude for the help you provided me in my recent . . . metamorphosis. Spike: (rubbing a crick out of his neck) Stuff the gratitude. You owe me more than that, mate. Giles pulls out a small bundle of dollar bills and offers it to him. Giles: Three-hundred. Count it if you'd (Spike snatches it out of his hand). . . like. Spike: I'll do that. While Spike starts counting the money, Giles looks the place over. Giles: Um, thinking about your affliction and, uh, your newfound discovery that you can fight only demons; it occurs to me that (chuckling) I realize this is completely against your nature but I-I-I-- Has it occurred to you that there may be a higher purpose-- Spike: Ugh! You made me lose count. (faces him) What are you still doing here? Giles: Talking to myself, apparently. Spike: Well piss off, then. (indicates the money in his hands) This bit of business wraps up any I got with you and your Slayerettes. From here on I want nothing to do with the lot of you. Giles: Your choosing to remain in Sunnydale might make that a little difficult. Spike: Well you and yours will just have to show a little restraint is all. Get out. Giles doesn't say anything and heads for the door. Spike: (following) And I don't want you crawling back here knocking on my door pleading for help the second Teen Witch's magic goes all wonky or little Xander cuts a new tooth. We're through. You got it? Giles opens the door and Spike flinches away from the brightness. He looks over his shoulder at the vampire and his eye twitches. His feelings might be a little hurt. Spike: (callously) Honeymoon is over. Giles leaves without a word. Cut to close up sh*t of Buffy. She looking up into Riley's eyes. They are in very intimate proximity to each other. Riley: (softly) You don't have to do this. Buffy: I know. Riley: I mean, if you'd rather wait . . . Buffy: (meaningfully) I'm ready. I want to. Riley smiles down at her. The camera pulls back as they turn and step in front of a floor-to-ceiling mirror in the wall. We see they are in the center hallway in Lowell House. Riley opens a tiny hidden panel beside the mirror and pushes a button. Buffy just stands there as a horizontal green line comes from the mirror and slides down over her body. Female computer voice: New retinal scan recorded. Summers. Buffy. The mirror slides to one side to reveal the very white interior of an elevator. Riley steps inside first. Cut to close-up sh*t of a black and white surveillance monitor displaying a picture from inside the elevator as we see Buffy follow Riley in. Cut back to Buffy and Riley. Buffy turns and watches the elevator door close again. Cut to Initiative headquarters. The elevator door opens and Riley is holding Buffy's hand as he leads her out onto a catwalk overlooking the main chamber. Buffy: (eyes wide) My God. Slow panning sh*t of the jumbo hangar size complex. In the middle of the floor is a lower section where men and women in surgical scrubs and white lab coats or performing tests and operations on several types of demons, strapped to strange looking tables and chairs. Buffy: You said it was big. You told me, but you never said it was *huuuge*! Riley: (offhanded) I don't like to brag. Buffy looks at him and a grin breaks his face. Buffy: (looking down again) I had no idea. This is incredible. But not that I thought it was some fly-by-night operation. (turns to him, excited) Unless it is! I mean, can you guys fly? At night. With those jet-pack things, do you have those? Riley: (playing coy) I can't really talk about it. Buffy: This is unreal. They look into each other's eyes and Riley leans down, about to kiss her . . . Walsh: So, you like our little operation? They turn to see Walsh standing behind them on the catwalk. Buffy: Yeah. Yes. It's very . . . clean. Walsh approaches and hands her a small plastic clip-on badge. Walsh: Your visitor's pass. (takes a few papers from her clipboard) And I've assembled some reading material to bring you up to speed. Buffy clips the pass to her leather jacket and takes the papers Walsh offers her. Buffy: (frowns) Oh. And I thought I was never gonna get homework from you again. Walsh: You can't take that home. That's classified material. Highly sensitive. When you're through reading those pages you'll have to eat them. Buffy just stares at her, speechless. She looks up at Riley. Riley: (grinning) She's joking. Walsh: Don't worry, it doesn't happen very often. Shall we? Buffy exchanges another glance with Riley and they follow. Moments later, they've made their way down the metal staircase and Walsh is leading them towards the open center of the complex. They stop at the metal railing and look down. Walsh: Much of our hands-on research with the SHT's is performed here. We call this 'The Pit.' Buffy sees a pair of green squid-faced demons laying on two tables, while scrub-clad techs work on them. Buffy: And what do you call those? Riley: Tough. It took eight of us to bring those two down. Walsh: They'll be under our control soon enough. (calling down) Doctor Angleman! Cut to a man in a white lab coat talking with another person. He looks up to acknowledge Walsh then returns to his conversation. Walsh: (to Buffy) Head of our science team. He's a leader in the field of xenomorphic behavior modification. Buffy: Behavior modification? Walsh: We've made significant advances in reconditioning the sub-terrestrials. Bringing them to a point where they no longer pose a thr*at. Buffy: (to herself) So I've seen. Then she sees Walsh and Riley's expressions as they look at her. Buffy: . . . on the Discovery Channel. With gorillas and sharks. They-they made them all nice. You haven't seen it? They don't say anything but Walsh doesn't look convinced. Buffy turns her attention away and points across the complex. Buffy: What's over there? She starts to walk casually in that direction and Riley and Walsh follow. Seconds later, Walsh is in the lead again as they approach an area closed off by a chain-link fence. Inside are large caches of g*n and equipment of all types. There is one commando on duty inside. Walsh: The armory. You'll have to be cleared for use on each of these w*apon. But by this point Buffy must have felt like she was back in class for her attention has already wandered and she steps up to a table behind Walsh and Riley. She sees a small looking device laying in an open case. As she lifts it up, the image on the monitor behind her also moves and we see a close-up of Buffy's eye as she holds the device close to her face. Walsh: (while this is happening) The more advance arsenal can be complicated, but I'm certain, in time, you'll pick that up. (looks over her shoulder and sees what Buffy's doing) Don't pick that up. Walsh walks to her and quickly takes it from her. Buffy: What is it? Walsh: About twenty-thousand dollars. Riley: It's a prototype for a com-cam. (points to the monitor behind her) Communications camera. Soon to be standard issue. Gives us a direct comlink to Control when we're out in the field. Walsh: Also monitors the heart rate of the wearer. A valuable tool for research in stress in combat condition. If you'll follow me, I'll show you the SHT containment area. Walsh walks off and Buffy looks to Riley mouthing 'sorry.' Riley shakes his head with a smile, telling her not to worry as they follow. Some time later, the tour is coming to an end. Walsh stops to face Buffy. Walsh: We have a few more things to give you. Buffy: (pointing) What's in there? Quick sh*t of the metal security door we saw in the last episode. A lab coat scientist uses a ID card to open the door and disappears inside. Walsh: Research area. Very restricted for security reasons. Here is your security card and your pager. She accepts the items from Walsh and studies the pager. Buffy: Been thinking about getting one of these. Walsh: We're the only ones with the number and it stays that way. Buffy: Right. Walsh: Lose either one of them and there's hell to pay and down here we mean that literally. (offers her hand and she actually smiles as she shakes Buffy's hand) Again, welcome to the team. Cut to student lounge. Willow and Tara are sitting on sofa chairs leaning on the arm rests. Tara is holding a clear purple-pink crystal in the palms of her hands. Willow: This is so cool. Wow. I've been trying to find the dolls-eye crystal my entire life. Well, since June, anyway. Where'd you get it? Tara: It-it was my grandma's, I think. I found it a long time ago in my attic. (hesitantly) I-I want you to have it. Willow: Oh, no, Tara. Th-that's really sweet. I can't. It's like a family heirloom. I-I just wouldn't feel comfortable. Tara looks a little hurt and she puts the crystal away. Willow see this. Willow: But i-if you wanted to try out some spells with it some time, I wouldn't say no. Tara: (eager) Maybe tonight. I mean, if you're not doing something you could . . come over and we could do something. (smiles) Willow: (uncomfortable) Tonight . . . That sounds really nice. But tonight I, uh, already have plans with people. Other. Tara: (hurt again) Oh. Um, that's okay. Another . . time. Willow: Absolutely. It's just tonight, it-it's kind of a specific crowd. You might feel out of place. Tara is silent for a moment. Tara: I better get to class. She grabs her books and stands up. Willow stands up with her. Willow: Well, um, I'll see ya later. Okay? Tara just nods and walks off. Cut to Initiative headquarters. Walsh walks up to the metal security door and zips her security card through the keypad. The door unlocks and she steps inside. She continues down the corridor to another door and punches in a code and slides the cards again. She enters and as the door closes we see the number 314 on it. Cut to interior of the lab room. Walsh closes the door behind her. Dr. Angleman, who just got through washing his hands at a sink, turns to face her as he dries them. Angleman: How did the tour go? Walsh: I'm not sure. She's unpredictable. She walks across the room. Her attention is on something we cannot see. Angleman: She's an unnecessary risk. Walsh: Possibly. How's our baby doing today? Angleman: Adjusting nicely. Reflexes, motor-functions. All off the charts. Walsh: That's what I like to hear. (to whatever she's looking at) Almost time to wake up, Adam. Cut to the lab table. We see a young man laying under a blanket, only his chest and head visible. But he doesn't look like a normal man. His brown hair is neatly trimmed, the most normal feature, while more than half of his face is covered in dark green skin, the rest of his face a human pale. There is also metal plating on the green left side of his face, from jaw to temple. Most of his chest is also green as well as is his right shoulder, but we can also see patches of other different types of skin. Wherever skins meet there is a line of sutured or welded-on scars like a grotesque demonic jigsaw. There seems to be numerous IV lines and monitoring connections disappearing under the blanket. Walsh: (soft voice) And take your first look at the world. I know you're gonna make me proud. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Two ~~~~~~~~~~ Cut to the Bronze that night. Music is playing ('Trashed' by Lavish) and people, mostly young, are socializing. Camera pans over to where Willow and Anya are sitting at a table. Willow is lifting her sleeve to check her watch, probably not for the first time. Xander is walking to them while unwrapping a Boost Bar and taking a bite. Anya: (indignantly) Xander. You haven't been paying any attention to me, tonight. Just peddling those process food breaks. I don't know why. Xander: (around mouthful) Well, let me put it in a way you'll understand. Sell bars. Make money. Take Anya nice places. Buy pretty things. Anya: (considers) That does make sense. All right, I support you. Go sell more. Xander: Oh, well this was the only one I had on me. Besides, it's getting late. Maybe we should go. Willow: Go? You can't go. Buffy hasn't gotten here yet. Xander: Let's face it, Will. She's over an hour late. She's probably out living the life of Riley. I don't think she's coming. Willow: She is! (unconvincingly) She said she was looking forward to spending quality time with just us. (brightens) See? Here she comes. sh*t of Buffy walking into the Bronze followed by Riley, Graham, Forrest, and two other guys. ('Keep Myself Awake' by Black Lab starts to play) Willow: (crestfallen) . . .with Riley . . . and some other guys. Buffy and the young men reach their table. Buffy: Hi, all. Sorry about the late-itude. Xander: Late? Really? Huh. Hadn't noticed. Riley: Hope you don't mind us tagging along. Willow: (forced smile) No. No, of course not. The more the . . . more. Riley: This is Graham. This is Forrest. That's Kevin. And that's Jay in the back. Graham: How you doing. Riley: We're gonna go grab some drinks. Anybody want anything? Buffy: Coke, please. Willow: I'm good. Xander: No. They look to Anya with the offer. Anya: (frowns) We're going away. To dance. Over there. She stands up and takes Xander's arm. Xander: (being dragged away) We are? Riley and the guys head over to the bar and Buffy sits on Anya's stool across from Willow. Buffy: Anya seems a bit on edge. Willow: She's a little angsty around commando-types. Ex-demon issues. Buffy: Oh. (points to the guys) You know, I didn't think that you would mind. Riley and the guys were throwing a little impromptu celebration in my honor and made it, like, impossible to not invite them. Willow: Oh. That's neat about the celebrating. I just thought this was supposed to be, you know, just us. Just the scooby corps., you know. I mean, I could have invited somebody else if I knew it was an open free-for-all. Buffy: I'm sorry. I had no idea. My *total* bad. (grins) So, who did you want to invite? Willow: What? Buffy: You said you wanted to invite someone. Willow: (nervously) No. Not-- no one. I meant a hypothetical someone which is to say no one. What are we celebrating? Buffy: (lowers voice, but excited) I'm in. The Initiative. Professor Walsh gave me the grand tour and we're talking Grand as in Canyon! You'd never believe the size of it. Willow: That's really . . . again I say 'neat.' So, what do you mean exactly? You've joined them? Buffy: No. N-not exactly. It just means that when I patrol I'll have a heavily armed team backing me up. (smiles) Plus, boyfriend going to work with me: big extra perk. Willow: Buffy, do you really think this is a good idea? I mean, don't you think you're rushing things a little? Buffy: (frowns) I thought you liked Riley? Willow: Not with Riley. With the Initiative. I mean, there's a bunch of stuff about them we still don't know. Buffy: I know that. (then) Like what? Willow: Well, what's their ultimate agenda? I mean, okay, yeah, they-they neuter vampires and demons. But then what? Are they gonna reintegrate them into society? Get them jobs as bagboys at Wal-Mart? Buffy: (in serious thought) Does Wal-Mart have bagboys? Willow: Plus, don't forget that '314' thing that Ethan told Giles about. Buffy: Well, a man that worships chaos and tries to k*ll you, is a man you can trust. Willow: Well, bad info or not, I just think there's certain questions you should ask before you go off and enlist. A pager goes off and Buffy reaches into her bag to pull it out. Two seconds later five more beepers go off at the bar and Riley checks his pager. Riley: That's us. Let's go. Willow: When did you get a pager? What's going--? Riley steps up to the table and Buffy stands up. Riley: That's our cue. Mother wants us. Buffy: (turns to Willow) Will . . . Willow: I know. Talk later. She doesn't look happy as she watches Buffy leave with Riley and the others. Buffy: So what's the big emergency? Cut to Briefing area at Initiative HQ. There is an overhead projector displaying the image of an ugly demon on a large white screen. Riley is standing to one side of the screen as Professor Walsh walks in front of the group of commandos seated in rows before her. Among them near the back, Buffy sticks out like a . . . well, like a girl in a sea of broad-shouldered military green. That, and she's also the only one seated with a plunging neckline. Walsh: This is your objective. Sub-T: 67119. Demon class: Polgara species. Though visual confirmation has not yet been made, we're confident of the target's approximate position as it leaves behind a distinct protein marker. Dr. Angleman will brief you on its defenses. She takes a seat to the side as Dr. Angleman steps up next to the projector and overlays a second transparent page over the first. This adds long sharp looking protrusions from the demon's arms. Angleman: When thr*at . . . bone skewers jut from the creature's forearms during battle. It's imperative when ensnaring it not to damage its arms. That's all you really need to know. Amidst the commandos Buffy raises her hand. Buffy: Question. Dr. Angleman doesn't seem sure how to respond, unaccustomed by this. He glances at Walsh who stands up again. Walsh: Buffy? Buffy: Why exactly can't we damage this polka thing's arms? I, uh, not that I want to, it's just in my experience when fighting for your life body parts get damaged and-- better its bits than mine. (glances at the guys around her) Or . . . ours. Angleman: We wish to study the physiology of every subterrestrial's natural defenses. It's part of the research we do here. (before he can continue--) Uh-- Yes? We see that Buffy had her hand raised again. Buffy: What do they want? Angleman: Want? Buffy: Why are they here? Sacrifices, treasure, or they just get rampagy? (she is starting to get looks from the commandos) I find it's easier to predict their responses if I know-- Angleman: They're not sentient. Just destructive, I believe. Walsh: They do have keen eyesight, however. You might want to be suited up for this. Buffy: Oh. (glancing at the military green around her) You mean the cammo and stuff? I thought about it but, I mean, it's gonna look all 'Private Benjamin.' This gets chuckles from some of the commandos. Buffy: Don't worry I've patrolled in this halter many times. This gets even more chuckles and Riley has to bow his head and clench his jaw to keep from laughing his ass off. Walsh: Why don't we give our attention to Dr. Angleman (Buffy raises hand) and save all questions until the end. Angleman: Actually, I'm finished. Walsh: Oh. Uh, well, Agent Finn, deploy the teams. All business, Riley walks out in front of the group. Riley: Okay, listen up. We'll be going in a four squad set-up. Team Leaders: Gates, Taggart, and Stavros. Alpha Team, you're with me. Walsh: Report for TLs for assignment and w*apon requisitions. Reminder: this is a zap-n-trap, people. Capture not a k*ll. Any questions? (sees a raised hand) (sighing) Buffy. Cut to the front of a closed door. It opens and it's Tara's room. She is surprised to see the person who is standing in the hallway. Tara: Willow? Willow: (sheepishly) A funny thing happened with my prior social engagement. Pretty much ended when a friend of mine went off to do something with another crowd she hangs out with. Irony is kind of ironic that way. (hopefully) Anyway, I know it's late, but I-I thought maybe-- I mean, if you still wanted to . . . do something? Tara just smiles and opens the door wider to let her inside. She closes the door. Cut to a wooded area. Alpha team is on patrol. Buffy is with them. She is walking beside Riley, three other commandos behind them. She's wearing a jacket over her halter top and looks a little glum with her hands shoved in the pockets. Buffy: So I guess she hates me now. Riley: (distracted) What? Buffy: Professor Walsh. Questions. An Initiative faux pas, yes? Riley: It's . . . a little unusual. She's just not used to it. Maybe because you barely ever opened your mouth in her classroom. But I know she likes you. In fact, she liked you before I did. Buffy: (hopeful) Really? Riley: Told me so herself. Buffy: Maybe I should get her a present or something-- Riley: (stops) Buffy. Can we talk about this later? There's a dangerous hostile out here and . . . since I don't have your reflexes, I kinda need to focus. Buffy: Right. Right. They start walking again. After a moment she looks at him. Buffy: What do you mean she liked me before you did? Riley: (oops) Uh. . . . Buffy: You didn't like me? As Riley tries to take his boot out of his mouth we-- See what Beta Team is up to. They're stationed within a cluster of bushes. Graham is scanning the area with night vision goggles and Forrest is standing beside him. Forrest seems to be in a mood of his own. Forrest: (grumbling) It just isn't right. Graham: He made you team leader, didn't he? Forrest: That's not the point. I've always been Riley's second in command. Instead he picks a girl. Graham: His girl. Forrest: Whatever! Three guesses on what that boy is thinking with. Graham: Maybe he just wanted to give you a chance to get out from under his shadow? Forrest: Hey! I'm not under anybody's shadow. Graham: It was a joke, man. Don't get your panties in a bunch. I'm just saying-- (sees something through the goggles) Hang on. Got something. Forrest: Target? Graham: Negative. Graham passes the goggles to Forrest. Night vision POV: sh*t of Spike strolling along carrying a sack of groceries. Forrest: Hel-lo, Hostile 17. Graham: (to commandos behind him) You two: standard flanking. Go. The two appointed commandos hurry off to their mission. Cut to front sh*t of Spike walking. Behind him one of the commandos rush out of the trees carrying a heavy net. He's about to throw the net on Spike when the vampire suddenly spins around and catches it in his fist. He swings the commando around and slams him into a nearby tree. The second commando charges and aims his taser r*fle at him. Spike throws his grocery bag in the guy's face and he falls to the ground. Spike flinches back at the pain the Initiative implant causes him. He turns and flees into the woods. Cut to Graham. He has a scoped r*fle shouldered and is calmly tracking Spike in his sights. He pulls the trigger and Spike stumbles as he's h*t in the shoulder. Growling, he continues to run. Forrest: (to Graham) Alert Control and Alpha Team. We've tagged Hostile 17 with a tracer and we're in pursuit. We return to Buffy and Alpha team who are now stationed in a clearing. Panning sh*t of the three commandos as a cell phone beeps. Buffy is standing beside Riley who is scanning the area with night vision goggles. One of the commandos steps up to him with the cell phone. Commando: Sir. Graham's on the talkie for you. Reception's not too good. Riley: (into phone) This is Alpha Team, go ahead. We hear Graham's garbled voice but can't make out any of the words. Riley moves further out into the clearing trying to get a better reception. Riley: Say again, Beta Team. You're breaking up. He doesn't see the Polgara demon burst out of the trees behind him, but Buffy does. Buffy: Riley! Riley only has time to see the demon before it shoves him hard to the ground. Buffy rushes forward, as the Polgara steps over Riley to finish him off, and snaps a round kick to its face making it stagger. She steps over Riley spinning into a roundhouse kick across the creature's face and the scene goes into slow-mo. Cue funky tech-noir erotic music (it's actually "Window to Your Soul" by Delirium) as Riley stands up beside Buffy. He pulls out an asp and there is an echoing snap as he extends it with a flick of his wrist and the audio (except for the music) fades completely. Both ready to kick ass, they charge the demon together. **Cut to some time later that night: in Riley's room at Lowell House. He and Buffy rush into frame from either side and start kissing passionately. Riley is wearing normal civvie clothes again and Buffy no longer has her jacket on. Skip a few frames and Riley has his head buried in her shoulder, kissing her neck as they rub their hands up and down each other's backs. Cut back to now. Riley is hitting the demon in the arm with the asp, making it stumble, then hits it again in the back of the head. **In Riley's room. Close up of his hands undoing the knot on the spaghetti straps of Buffy's halter crisscrossing her back. When it's loose he caresses his hand over her bare skin. Now. Riley's just succeeded in pissing the Polgara off and it knocks him aside with the swing of its powerful arm. Buffy steps in again with another roundkick to its face and follows through with a hard right-left combination. **Close up of Riley kneeling in front of Buffy, pulling off her knee-high leather boot. The Polgara is backhanding a commando, flipping him to the ground. Riley, behind it, jabs the asp into the demon's spine. **Buffy is pulling Riley's white T-shirt over his head. Her halter is hanging loosely. Riley swings the asp again but the Polgara blocks it and punches him hard across the face. Buffy delivers a back-kick into the creature's chest as Riley falls to the ground. **Buffy is trailing a line of kisses down the front of Riley's body, starting at his chest. Buffy slams another right-left punching combo into the Polgara's face. It raises its arm and its bone skewer extends from under its forearm. She ducks as it takes a swing at her head. Riley is getting to his knees. Buffy blocks another strike and knees the demon in the midsection. **Riley is behind Buffy slowly sliding the halter off her shoulders. Buffy side steps the Polgara as it tries to s*ab her and gets behind it. The demon turns to face her again. **Buffy is kissing Riley over her shoulder as he caresses her cheek with his hand. More missing frames and Buffy is suddenly sucking one of his fingers as he kisses her shoulder. Buffy ducks under another of the Polgara's swings. Riley picks up a fallen taser g*n and takes aim, but Buffy is too close to the creature for a clear sh*t. **We see Buffy lay back on Riley's bed and he slowly lowers himself down on top of her. A couple of missing frames and they're kissing. She's caressing his chest. Buffy slams a two-legged drop kick into the Polgara's chest and drops to the ground as it staggers back. Riley shouts 'now' and he and another commando unleash their tasers. The demon is blasted by the bursts of electricity and the other two commandos are readying a heavy net behind it. **Buffy is now on top and lowers herself down on Riley. More deep kissing, his arms around her. They have the Polgara in the net and it's struggling while Buffy gets to her feet. The audio returns and slow-mo ends as she snaps a front kick into its face, knocking the creature out. The commandos wrap things up and Buffy takes a few steps back, breathing heavy. Riley stands beside her. They face each other. Buffy: So . . . what do you want to do now? Before he says anything-- We go back to Riley's room which becomes *now* and Riley is on top again as they continue to make love. The music is replaced by a more sinister theme as we cut to a black and white ceiling-sh*t of Riley's room. The camera pulls back and we see we're looking into a surveillance monitor. There is a label on top of the monitor that has 'FINN' written on it. As the sh*t continues to pull back we see two more monitors to either side of it with similar sh*ts of, currently, empty rooms. One is labeled 'GATES' the other 'MILLER.' A control panel becomes visible under the row of monitors. There are two reels of tape spinning, obviously in 'record' mode, and there is someone sitting in front of the control panel. Cut to closing sh*t of Professor Walsh. Her face is free of any telling expression but her right eye twitches once as she watches. ~~~~~~~~~ Part Three ~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in on Giles' apartment. Next morning. We can see Giles in the kitchen, through the opening above his bar, pouring some tea. Giles: (over his shoulder) I don't know how many more ways I can say 'I'm not interested.' We see Xander and Anya are sitting on the couch in the living room area. There are several Boost Bar boxes on the coffee table. Xander: W-- try one! Check these flavors. Cherry-berry. Maple walnut. Ooo, almond licorice. Anya: Ew. Giles leaves the kitchen and stands next to the coffee table. Xander: Anya, we don't say 'ew' in front of potential customers. Anya: Just skip this part and tell him you want money to buy me pretty things. He'll understand. Giles: (sighing) Very well. Hmm, maple walnut. Xander: An excellent choice. He takes one out of a box and hands it to Giles. Giles tears the aluminum off the end and takes a bite. He quickly stops chewing and there is a disgusted look on his face. Giles: (menacingly) Please leave my home now. He drops the Boost Bar on the coffee table like it's a handkerchief with a nasty booger on it and searches for something to spit in. Trying to save the sale, Xander grabs another bar from a different box. Xander: It's the, uh, the gritty texture, isn't it? Maybe you're more a cherry-berry fellow. There is a pounding on the door. Desperate sounding. Giles, still suffering from Boost crap in his mouth, heads for the door. Before he reaches it, it bursts open and Spike runs inside. He is holding a tarp over his head, protection from the sunlight. Spike: Close the door! Xander: Spike? You may want to give up these morning jogs. Spike: Soldiers boys are out in force. I've been trying to keep them off my scent. Run them in circles. But they keep coming. Giles takes a quick inspection of his door but he is still able to close it. Spike drops the tarp in relief. Giles: And . . . how is this our concern? Seeing as how you've expressed the desire to have nothing more to do with us. Xander: Spike said that? Giles: Mm-hmm. Xander: (to Spike with feeling) . . . That hurts. Spike: (exasperated) All right. What do you want me to say? I need help. (points at Giles) And no cheek from you. Giles makes a show of zipping his lips shut. Spike: (shrugs his coat off his shoulder) Look! The buggers sh*t me. In the back. Giles in unmoved and leans against his desk. Giles: Remind me. Why should I help you? Spike: (scoff) Because you do that. You're the goody-good guys. You're the bloody freaking cavalry. Giles: No, you can come up with a better answer than that. Why should *I* help *you*? Spike: (thinks) Ooh! Because I helped you! When you turned into that Fyarl demon, I helped you, didn't I? (smug) Giles: And that was out of the, um, evilness of your heart? Spike: (grinning) Oh, hell no. I made you pay me-- (stops grinning and looks at Giles' stoic, but hard, expression) You right bastard. (he digs out the money from his coat pocket and slams it into Giles' palm) That's all that's left. I spent the rest on blood and smokes, which I'll never see again. (sees Xander and Anya still sitting) Ah, come on! Circle the wagons. Tend to the wounded here. No time for layabouts. Cut to Riley's room. Buffy is in his bed looking comfortable (her sleep-mussed hair just working for me!). She wakes up and her eyes take in her surroundings. Worried, she suddenly rolls over and finds Riley lying next to her, already awake, looking at her. Riley: (smiling) Hey. What's the matter? Weren't expecting to see me? Buffy: (relaxing again) I never know what to expect. They're secure enough with their morning breaths and start kissing in a lazy manner. An electronic chirping sound fills the room. Buffy: (laughing) Your robot bird sounds hungry. Riley: It's just a reminder to take my vitamins. He rolls over and grabs a medicine bottle on his nightstand as the chirping ends. Buffy: (teasing) You're kidding. He downs the pills with a glass of water and returns to his original position. Tucking the sheet around her chest, Buffy sit up against the headboard. Riley: Sorry. Buffy: (starts to play with his short bangs with her fingers) Quite the regimental soldier. Riley: I am how they trained me. Buffy: They? Who they? Riley: You know, the government. Plucked me out of special op training for this. Buffy: What did they tell you it was for? Riley: They didn't. In the military you learn to follow orders. Not ask questions. Buffy: I don't understand. Aren't you curious about all the science and research stuff they're doing? Riley: Hm. I know all I need to know. We're doing good here. Protecting the public. Removing the subterrestrial thr*at. It's work worth doing. They're silent for a moment. Buffy becomes serious. Buffy: What's 314? Riley seems surprised by the question but before he can say anything, his phone rings. Riley: (answers it) Riley. Walsh: (VO) We have a situation. You're needed. Riley: On my way. He hangs up. Buffy: What is it? Riley: Don't know. (gets up) Buffy: You're really not one for asking questions, are you? Riley: (smiles) I'll leave that to you. Cut to Initiative headquarters. Riley, in commando attire, is walking across the floor when he glances at the metal security door and stops. He walks over and peers through the small wired-glass window. Down the corridor he can see the door marked 314. Walsh: Lose your way, agent? Turns to face Walsh, standing behind him. Riley: No ma'am. Walsh: I've instructed Beta Team to suspend pursuit of Hostile 17 until your arrival. I didn't want any slip-ups, that's why I'm putting you in charge. (hands him a piece of paper) You'll rendezvous with them at these coordinates. He acknowledges with a nod and starts to walk off. Walsh: Riley. (he faces her) Make me proud. Riley: Yes, ma'am. He continues on and Walsh watches him leave. Cut to lab behind door 314. Dr. Angleman is in surgical scrubs and has just finished using an electric bone-saw on something we can't see. Walsh: (OS) I think we've got a situation. Angleman looks up from his work and as he pulls his mask down we see his latexed fingers are bloodied. Angleman: The Slayer? Walsh: (begins to pace) She's becoming a liability. Angleman: We knew that was a danger. Does she know about the project? Walsh: She knows it exists. She already holds too much influence over Riley --over Agent Finn. Angleman: We move to the contingency scenario? Walsh: Right away. Angleman is now using scissor clamps on the something we still can't see. Angleman: That's too bad. She could have been a powerful ally. Walsh: I know. Angleman: And Finn will take it hard. Walsh: That's why sooner is better. We finally see what Angleman was working on as he lifts the left arm, severed at the shoulder, of the Polgara demon lying on the table. He moves away from the table with it and we can see Adam on a another table several feet away. Walsh: (to herself) It's better. Cut to Giles' apartment. Spike is sitting backwards in a chair, his bare chest against the backrest. Giles is standing behind him, wearing latex gloves, exploring the wound with a pair of long tweezers. Xander and Anya are on either side of him shining flashlights on the wound. Spike: Oww! Watch it. That hurts. Giles: It doesn't appear to be a b*llet. It's too deeply embedded to be a tranquilizer dart. Spike: (grumble) Also not tranquil. Giles: Some sort of . . . illumination emanating from it. It's blinking. Spike: I don't care if it's playing 'Rockin' the Casbah' on the bloody Jew's harp, (human growling) just get it out of me! Giles: Anya, there's a bottle of Cognac in the cabinet next to the sink. Can you get it for me? Spike: (as she leaves) What? You're gonna get snockered now? Giles: It's not for me, you prat. If I'm gonna operate on you then I need you in anesthetized. It's going to take some time. (picks up a scalpel) Xander: We don't have any. That blinking thing. My pseudo-soldier memory bank tells me that's a tracer. Giles: A what? Spike: A what? Xander: It's like a homing beacon. And if commando guys are reading the signal, they're coming home. Anya returns with the bottle and offers it to Spike. He grabs it and takes a healthy swig. Giles: Well, we need to buy some time. It's in deep and I'm no surgeon. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room, in Stevenson Hall. Buffy walks inside and closes the door behind her. The room is empty and she sees that Willow's bed is just as undisturbed as her own. She goes to her desk to put down her bag and takes off her jacket. She's no longer wearing the infamous halter top (no, you gutterfaces, she's not topless) she's wearing a dark long-sleeve blouse. The door opens behind her and Willow walks in. Willow: Oh, hi. Buffy: Hey. (indicating the bed) Out all night, huh? Willow: You, too. Buffy: Yeah. They're silent for a moment and Willow is fidgeting with something in her hand. It's the dolls-eye crystal she had refused from Tara yesterday. (Hmm . . .) She walks to her side of the room and sets it on top of her dresser. Buffy: Sorry about bailing on you guys at the Bronze. Willow: That's okay. I . . . (glances at the crystal, then to Buffy) Don't worry about it. Buffy: (smiles) Okay. Buffy's pager goes off and she retrieves it from her bag. Willow: Wow, they really keep you hopping, don't they? Buffy: (clipping it to the waistband of her blue jeans) Yeah. I gotta go. I'll see ya? Willow watches her leave. Then the phone rings and she crosses the room to answer it. Willow: Hello? Cut to Giles. He's using his new cordless phone (*A New Man). Giles: Willow. You're there at last. We have a problem. Where's Buffy? Willow: (cut to) Just left. (sarcastic) Beeped away by her new buds. You want me to go after her? Giles: (cut to) Uh, no, no. It's your help I need, actually. Willow: (cut to) Really? What do you want me to do? Cut to Initiative headquarters. Buffy is walking with Walsh. Walsh: It's a small job. Reconnaissance. Probably a waste of a Slayer's abilities, but my boys are on assignment so I-- Buffy: No. It's okay. I'm up for some action. Walsh: I doubt you'll get any on this one. They reach a table and Walsh points to a map. Walsh: We have a reading of a class three subterrestrial moving through the sewer tunnels just on the edge of town. Buffy: Class three? Walsh: It's a low-level thr*at. Minimal aggression. Meager defenses. Commando: Professor Walsh. (walks up and hands her a taser r*fle) Walsh: They barely show up on the scanner and occasionally turn out to be raccoons. (hands the w*apon to Buffy) Buffy: (examining it) Wow. You're not crazy about raccoons, huh? Walsh: We always take precautions. (picks up the com-cam from the table) All we need you to do is get a visual on this thing. This will feed me back an image and I can advise you from there. I don't want to put you in any unnecessary danger. (hands it to Buffy) Buffy: Oh. That's okay. Danger's my birthright. Not used to such a w*apon, Buffy carelessly lets the barrel point towards Walsh, who casually diverts the w*apon away with her hand. Buffy: Sorry. Um, Professor Walsh. There's, uh-- There's still some stuff about all this that I'm not clear on. Walsh: (a b*at) Well, when you get back we can have a talk. Buffy: Good. Okay. When I get back. (turns to leave then stops) Am I supposed to salute you? Walsh: No. Buffy: Okay. Buffy walks off and Walsh glances down at the table. Then she looks over her shoulder to watch Buffy leave. Back at Giles' apartment. Panning sh*t from the Cognac bottle, hanging loosely in Spike's hand, we see he has a barely conscious expression on his face. He's now laying across the cleared surface of Giles' desk. Xander, and Anya are still in normal positions as Giles continues to work on the wound and Willow is now there standing to one side. She is reading from her 'Witchcraft' spellbook in one arm and is holding the dolls-eye crystal in her other palm. Willow: (chanting spell) Tropo, strato, meso, aero, iono, exo . . . Xander: (to Giles) So how is this supposed to work again? Giles: If she succeeds her spell will ionize the atmosphere around us thereby disrupting the tracer's signal. (from Xander's 'duuuh?' expression) Buys us time. Willow: (chanting) Elements are brought to bear. Wind, earth, and water churn amidst the f*re. Let the air be b*rned. They all jump as the spell takes effect and there is a sh*t of every lightbulb in the apartment exploding. Willow: (OS) Did it work? Is the atmosphere ionized? sh*t of our g*ng. How to describe their hair? Okay, their hair is doing the Don King, Yahoo Serious, finger-in-an-open-light-socket, electrocuted (pick the metaphor that works for you) thing. Or another way: they decided to raid Angel's supply of mousse and used it all at once. But we can't see Spike's hair in this sh*t. They glance at one another and static electricity can be heard doing the 'snap, crackle, pop' in their hair. Giles: (deadpan) I'd venture yes. Cut to wooded area. Riley has joined up with Beta Team and Forrest is on point with the tracer receiver beeping in his hand. Riley: What do you mean, the signal's whacked? Forrest: I mean the blips a blob. Some kind of interference messing with the tracer. Riley: Try to lock it down. We headed in the right general direction? They stop as Forrest tries to get a bearing. Forrest: (sighs) I think so. It's gonna put us in populated areas. Riley: Okay, then. We change into civvies and then move out. Maybe something will turn up. They continue on. We cut to Buffy in the sewers. We see her emerging from a tunnel and she steps inside a larger chamber. She's armed with the taser r*fle and is wearing the com-cam hooked over her left ear. She hears a snarling sound coming from deep in the chamber. Buffy: (into mic) Professor Walsh, are you getting this? Possible SHT? Make it a definite. She sees a green squid-faced demon step out, wearing ragged robes and carrying a long battle ax. A second demon steps out with it, also armed with a battle ax. Buffy: And he's brought along a friend. They seem-- Buffy suddenly flashbacks to her tour at the Initiative and remembers seeing these two demons being worked on in 'the Pit.' Buffy aims the taser r*fle at them and pulls the trigger. The w*apon short-circuits with a burst of sparks and Buffy drops it from the shock. She turns to flee the way she came but a barred gate is dropping in place, blocking her escape into the tunnel. Buffy looks at the approaching demons and has a 'Oh, f*** me!' expression on her face. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Four ~~~~~~~~~~~ Back where we left Buffy. She is standing on a three-foot raised section as she watches the demons approach. On the ground level, the taser r*fle is still short-circuiting, sh**ting sparks. The demons charge and she hops down, hitting them with alternating front kicks. The second demon is quicker to recover and swings the ax down at her head. She side steps and kicks it in the back of the knee, throwing it off balance, and sends a back kick into the first demon. The second demon gets up again smashing the ax handle into her chin, turning her around. The first demon is swinging its ax at her and she catches the handle with her hands. As they struggling with it, the second demon slams the handle of its ax into the small of her back. The first demon uses this to wrest free its w*apon from Buffy's hold and she falls to the ground in a shoulder roll. As she stands back up to face the demons, we cut to a black and white sh*t of the com-cam's POV. On the monitor we see the rhythm of her heart b*at and that her BPM is 145. We can see her hands are raised in a fighting stance and the picture starts to jerk wildly as she dodges the demons' att*cks. We can hear her sounds of exertion and the growls of the creatures. Cut to Walsh, standing in front of Control's operations panel, watching the monitors. She calmly takes a sip from her coffee mug as the fight continues. Com-cam POV. Buffy's hands grab the handle of one of the demon's ax and wrestles with it. The other demon att*cks and swings its ax down towards the screen. The picture suddenly drops to the ground showing a close up of the sewer floor. The BPM drops from 145 . . . 109 . . . 73 . . . 37 . . . 1 . . . -?- in less than a second and the heart rhythm flatlines with the a steady monotonous EEEEEEEE. . . . . Walsh glances around but she is the only person who knows what's happened. She calmly takes another sip from her mug. Cut back to Beta Team. They are in civvies and walking down the sidewalk of a residential street. Riley: Talk to me, Forrest. Forrest: Signal's somewhere in this neighborhood. Estimate within a two-block radius. In Giles' apartment. Giles is digging into Spike's wound with the tweezers while Anya holds the flashlight for him. She, Xander, and Willow or nervously munching on Boost Bars. Oh, and their hair is more or less back to normal. Willow: It feels, and looks, like the ionizing spell is wearing off. Xander: Giles? Giles: I've got it. I've got it! He holds up the tweezers and we see a two-inch dart with a blinking red light on the blunt end. Back to Beta Team. They're getting closer. Riley: Okay, we want to keep the hostile contained, so no one is to make a move without my-- Forrest: (stops) Wait. Signal's cleared up. (points across the street) There. Riley: Let's go! They take off across the street. Giles' apartment. He hands Xander the tweezers Giles: Um, go! With the tracer in one hand, Boost Bar in the other, Xander dashes down the hallway and skids around the corner. Forrest suddenly stops. Riley: What? Forrest: It's on the move. Riley: Heading? Forrest: Straight at us. Forty meters and closing. Moving fast. Graham: In broad daylight? Riley: Look alive people. w*apon at the ready. They unsling their backpacks and slip a hand inside. Forrest: Twenty-five meters . . . twenty . . . fifteen. Riley: Where? Forrest: To the left. Ten meters . . . five! Riley: Anyone? Graham: I got nothing. Forrest: This doesn't make sense. It went right past us. They're all looking around. Riley notices a drain gutter. Riley: (disgusted) Flushed. The tracers been flushed. Cut to the sewers. Close up sh*t of the com-cam lying on the dirty sewer floor, without Buffy's head. We can hear Buffy and the demons still fighting. Returning to the handicap match already in progress . . . They have Buffy surrounded and the first demon charges but she deflects the ax and shoves the creature into the second the demon, pinning it against the wall. She steps forward with an inward crescent kick to knock the ax aside and slams a right fist into its gut. Not missing a b*at, she's already following through with a hard left hook, as the first demon bends forward giving her a clear sh*t at the second demon's face. She raises a knee into the first demon's face, making him stand straight again, and then spins into a jumping back kick, slamming them both against the wall again. Stunned, the first demon falls on its face, but the second demon charges Buffy. She's able to grab the handle of its ax as it drives her back into the opposite wall. She wrestles with it as the first demon gets back to its feet and starts to swing its ax directly at Buffy. In the last instant, she twists the second demon around in front of her, who takes the blade in the stomach. As it falls to the ground d*ad, the first demon takes another swing at Buffy who ducks away. The demon quickly follows through into another swing and she catches the handle again. She diverts the blade away from her and takes a quick punch at the creature's face. It's stunned and she rips the ax from its grip and the w*apon flies away from them. But Buffy is off balance as she backs away. The demon takes advantage by punching her hard in the face, sending her to floor. The demon goes after its w*apon, stepping into a drainage canal where the ax is laying. Buffy raises her head a notices the still-sparking taser r*fle just a couple of feet from her. As the demon bends down to pick up its w*apon, she sees it's standing in water. Getting to her knees, she snatches up the taser and tosses it at the demon's feet. It hits the water and electricity dances over the creature as it spasms wildly, growling in pain. The chamber is lit up and Buffy just watches until it finally falls in the water d*ad. As Buffy catches her breath we-- Return to Initiative headquarters. Riley walks up behind Walsh who is still standing in front of the Control operations panel. At the sound of his voice she turns to face him. She looks shakened. Riley: Regret to report Hostile 17 is still at large. I left Beta Team to comb the area but the tracer's-- Walsh: (interrupting) Riley, something's happened. I-I don't know what to say. It-it-it's about Buffy. Riley: Buffy? She takes a few steps away from the monitors, com-cam POV still on the sewer floor, and Riley stands in front of her. Walsh: Two of our hostiles broke free and escaped into the tunnels. She . . .went after them on her own. (meets his eyes) She's d*ad, Riley. Riley: (shocked) . . . . What?! (this transcript does not do justice to the amount of pain he puts into that one word) Walsh: I did everything I could to stop her. I told her to wait for a back-up team, she kept insisting she didn't need any team. She could handle it by herself. I-I'm so, so sorry. Riley's obviously struggling not to break down as he hears this. Riley: I don't understand. Behind Walsh, the com-cam image on the monitors suddenly start to move. Walsh: I know what she meant to you. Riley: How could this happen? Walsh: She was a very, very special girl. The com-cam image is still and Buffy steps into the picture and kneels in front of it. Her expression is pissed to the tenth power. Walsh: I didn't understand at first. But she had something. I don't know . . . maybe I could have stopped her. Riley sees Buffy's face in the monitors. Walsh: It's hard not to blame myself. Buffy: (steely voice) Professor Walsh. That simple little recon you sent me on . . . wasn't a raccoon. (Walsh slowly faces the monitors) Turns out it was me trapped in the sewers with a faulty w*apon and two of your pet demons. If you think that's enough to k*ll me, you really don't know what a Slayer is. Walsh is speechless. Buffy: Trust me when I say you're gonna find out. Buffy stands up and walks off camera. The image suddenly pitches to the floor and there is a crunch as all the screens turn snowy with static. Walsh slowly turns to face Riley again. He's looking down at her doing a pretty good tenth power pissed expression himself. Walsh: Riley . . . Without a word he starts walking away. Walsh: Agent Finn. I order you to stop! He doesn't. Walsh: Agent Finn! He's gone. Walsh: RILEY! Cut to Giles' apartment. He's removing the latex gloves. Spike is sitting on the edge of the desk, putting his black T-shirt back on, careful of his wounded shoulder. Giles: It will be dark soon. I think it will be wise for you to leave Sunnydale. Spike: I'm not going anywhere. Not until those bastards undo whatever they did to me. Put me back the way I was. Xander: (sarcastic) Sure. Just explain to the nice scientist guys that you really miss k*lling and torturing innocent people. Spike: Do you think that would work? Giles: (removing his glasses) Spike-- lord knows why I'm telling you this-- it's for your own good. As long as the Initiative is in operation it's not safe for you here. Cut to Buffy who has just walked in. Buffy: No. Everyone turns to face her. They see the grave expression on her face. Buffy: It's not safe for any of us. And on that cheery note we-- Cut to what's behind door number 314. The lab is dimly lit. Walsh is approaching the table where Adam is still sleeping. He --it-- no longer has a sheet covering him and we can see more of his mismatched demon body. He's wearing commando pants and boots. There is a strange metal/electronic plate on his chest where the heart would be. Walsh is speaking in a soft, menacingly halting, but strangely affectionate (did I mention creepy?) tone. Walsh: (looking down at him) So. All right. Fine. If she wants a fight, we'll give her one. Won't we, Adam? I've worked too long. Too long . . . to let some little bitch thr*at this project. thr*at me. (she paces to the end of the table and puts a hand on Adam's boot) She has no idea who she's dealing with. Once she's gone, Riley will come around. He'll understand. She turns toward the second table which is empty. The surgical bone-saw is lying on it. She slowly picks it up to put it away. Walsh: It's for the greater good. He'll see that. And if he doesn't . . . Well, first things first. Remove the complication and when she least expects it--AHH! A long sharp spear suddenly bursts from her chest. Shocked, she looks down at it, then looks over her shoulder. She sees Adam is awake and standing behind her. Walsh: (fading) Adam? Walsh falls and she slides off the spear. Adam raises his new Polgara left arm and we see the blood on the bone skewer. He's looking down at Walsh's body. ADAM: Mommy.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x13 - The I In Team"}

foreverdreaming

Cut to: An Initiative briefing. Maggie: This is your objective. Narrator: Previously on Buffy the vampire slayer. Walsh: .. demon classed as the Polgara species Engelman: ...bone skewers jut from the creature's forearms during battle. It's imperative not to damage its arms. Buffy: Why exactly can't we damage this polka thing's arms? Cut to Engelman and Walsh in a lab. Engelman: She's an unnecessary risk. Cut to Walsh speaking to Buffy. Walsh: Two of our hostiles broke free Cut to Buffy faces the two demons Walsh: and escaped into the tunnels Cut to Walsh and Riley in the Initiative. Walsh: She's d*ad Riley. Riley: I don't understand. On the monitors behind them. Buffy: Professor Walsh if you think that's enough to k*ll me. you really don't know what a slayer is. Cut to Walsh musing in lab. Walsh: She wants a fight we'll give her one. Cut to Buffy talking. Buffy: It's not safe for any of us. Cut to Walsh musing in lab. Walsh: And then when she least expects it, ahhh. She is impaled by a skewer. Walsh: Adam. Adam: Mommy. cut to Giles apt. This scene is a direct continuation of the previous episode with a time gap of perhaps one to five minutes. Buffy is talking to Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya and Spike. Buffy: So Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those blasto g*n and the next thing I know it's raining monsters. Xander: Hallelujah. Buffy: And then this gate slams down behind me and I-I try to use the g*n but it goes pfft. Giles: You're saying that Maggie Walsh set you up? Buffy: That's exactly what I'm saying. She sent me on a one way recon. Spike: Got to hand it to you goldilocks - you do have bleeding tragic taste in men. I've got a cousin married to a regurgitating {{frovilops}} demon {that's} got better instincts than you. Buffy: What does my taste in men have to do with this? Spike: You think Riley was out knitting booties for your future offspring while Maggie stringing you up? Anya, Xander and Giles are silent. Buffy: You guys think Riley had something to do with this. Giles: Um, probably not but we, uh, be remiss if we didn't think all the possibilities {through}. Buffy: {Great./Right.} Remiss. No! No, Maggie made sure that he was nowhere around when she sent me on this very special make Buffy d*ad assignment. Willow: Plus Riley he seems like he wouldn't tell a little white lie let alone a whole bunch of big dirty ones. Xander: That's why they call it the secret forces Will, cause they kinda keep the whole lying thing to themselves. Buffy: All I know is that Maggie has it in for me which means the Initiative has it in for me. Xander: I'm guessing the mad scientist isn't too keen on the fact that the entire scooby g*ng knows that the Initiative is up to no good. Buffy: Which brings us back to the not safe for any of us concept. Giles: What could have happened to make Professor Walsh want to k*ll you? Buffy: I don't know, uh. She wasn't keen on the fact that I was asking a lot of questions that's for sure. Anya: So you were getting too close to something. Giles: Clearly. Although one can only imagine what she'd be so desperate to hide. cut to An Initiative exit. A being exits. Adam is sewn together from parts of different demons. He has a metal brace on his left leg, there are metal parts on the left side of his face and the back of his head, his right breast, his right shoulder and forearm of his right arm. The only recognizably human portion is the right upper side of his face and his hair. His left eye is red. He had green and grey-pink demon parts sewn together and there is a huge scar or seam with what could be links of a large chain reinforcing it running down the middle of his chest. He is a mix of demon, Frankenstein monster and Terminator/Borg. It smiles. roll credits Buffy: Everybody grab a w*apon. We've gotta move. Buffy hands Xander an ax and Anya a grappling hook (like a fisherman might use.) Xander: Storm the Initiative. Yeah let's take on those suckers. Buffy: I was thinking more that we'd hide. Xander: Oh thank God. Giles: I think perhaps we should talk about this. Buffy: We need to relocate someplace we're less likely to be found. We need to come up with a plan. Willow: We could go to my place. Buffy: The Initiative guys know how close we are. They'll automatically check the places that you hang out. Xander, what about your basement? The guys haven't seen us together that much and there's enough room. Willow: Ooh Plus mirrored ball. Xander: Cool! Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway. Anya (less happy): Yes, come boogie. Giles: Absolutely not! I will not squat in that dank hole. Spike: What, it was good enough for me, but you're above it all? Giles: Precisely. Besides I-I don't see why we can't stay right where we are. Pfft. It's very unlikely that those Initiative boys are going to come round here to look for uh_ Door bangs open. Riley enters. Riley: Buffy! God Buffy are you ok? What happened? Buffy: You know? Riley: I know something went down. umph. Tell me. Buffy: Maggie tried to k*ll me. Anya: It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway. Riley: Ok listen I need you to go over everything step by step. There has to be..has to be some kind of mistake Xander: There was no mistake. And how do you know something happened? Riley: I was on a mission but I came back and... I'm not sure.. Look let's just keep her heads and not jump to any _ Riley stops and is staring. Buffy: What? Riley: That's hostile 17. Spike: No, I'm just a friend of Xaannderr's. Pfftt. Spike drops his drawl. Spike: Bugger it. I'm your guy. Buffy: This is Spike. He's um.. It's a really long story b-but he's not bad anymore. Spike jumps up. Spike: Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad it's just I can't bite anymore. Thanks to you w*nk*r. Spike indicates Riley with a head movement. Riley: We've been looking all over the place for him - but you've known where's he's been all along. Buffy: It's not like that. Riley: Then what is it like?.. What's he doing here? Spike: Leaving you swabs to your dramatics, thanks. I've got my stories on the telly for that. Spike puts on his black leather coat Spike: By the by. If you're trying to k*ll her. Spike leans back with a big grin and two thumbs up. (His Fonzie imitation?) Buffy and Willow roll their eyes. Spike runs out the door into the sunlight covering his head and arms with his coat. Riley: Buffy, what is this? You're hiding an H.S.T.? Xander: Why don't you just back off and let her ask the questions, Jack? Your boss just tried to make monster food out of her. Riley looks around. Giles crosses his arms. Riley: I-I didn't see much, I wasn't there unnhhh. All I know is that Professor Walsh told me you were d*ad but then I saw you on the monitors. Ummph. {look} This isn't Professor Walsh. Ummph. There must be something making her act this way. Something ummph I don't know, controlling her. Giles (softly): We think Buffy may have been becoming too inquisitive. That she was getting close to something that Professor Walsh was trying to hide. Do you have any idea what that might be? Buffy: What about 314? Maybe that's it. Riley: Maybe she was trying to test you. What if it was only a drill? Buffy: Then why did she tell you I was d*ad? Riley it wasn't a test. Giles (softly): See I've heard rumors that the Initiative isn't all that we've been told. That, um, secretly they're working toward some darker purpose, something that might harm us all. Riley: No! That's - that's not what happens there. Buffy: Riley! Riley: I would know! Buffy: No one is sure of anything, ok? We're were just trying to sort it out. Riley: I can't be here. I'll sort it out on my own. Buffy: Riley. Riley: No. Just, umph, I'm sorry. Riley leaves. Cut to A forested area. A small boy, perhaps 7 to 9, is squatting and playing with a silver armored doll. His bike is beside him. Adam sees the boy and approaches. Adam: What am I? The boy stands. Boy: You're a monster. Adam (resigned?): I thought so. Adam (curious?): What are you? Boy: Me? I'm a boy. Adam: A boy. How do you work? Boy: I don' know. I just do. Boy points to bone skewer/spur coming of Adam's wrist. Boy: What's that for? Adam raises his wrist to look at the skewer, then looks at the boy. Adam smiles. Cut to Riley wandering the campus at night. He passes a couple on a bench. A solitary student passes him. Cut to Engelman entering darkened lab. He flicks the light switch several times but nothing happens. Engelman: Dr Walsh? Engelman closes the door slowly. Engelman: Adam? Engelman slips and falls. He sees red on his hands and realizes it is blood. He looks to see the puddle leads to a body. He trembles and scrambles back. Cut to Mirrored ball in Xander's basement. Zooming and engine sounds are heard. Reflected light from the ball strikes Giles in the eye waking him. He is sleeping in plastic furniture. Pan past a makeshift curtain to Willow, Anya and Buffy in bed watching television. Wiley Coyote drops a wrecking ball on a chain. The ball misses the Roadrunner and instead of stopping halfway up, continues in a full circle, taking out Wiley Coyote. Buffy: That would never happen. Willow: Well, no Buff, that's why they call them cartoons, not documentaries. Giles: Must we have the noise. My head is splitting. Giles is standing and turns off the tv. Willow: Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning. Giles: Yes I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball. Anya: Every time you moved it made squeaky noises. It was irritating. Giles: Really. I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring. Buffy: Ok you guys, could we not please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parent's marriage. Anya (to Giles): Sorry. Giles (to Anya): {Sorry/Sallright.} Buffy: Thank you. Willow: It'll be ok Buffy, Riley's just confused, that's all. Buffy: I don't know. It just seems like things could get heavier. His whole world's falling apart. Anya: And after everything you've been through with Angel. You really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can't have Xander! Buffy: That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. {{Joe Guy.}} We were going to do dumb things like hold hands through the daises going tra-la-la. Willow: Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average. Anya: So dump him. But you can't have Xander! Buffy: I'll try and remember that. It's too late anyway - I'm already at the I hurt when he hurts, I smile when he smiles stage. Anya: I hate that part. Buffy: I'll just have to make it work. Xander comes down the stairs carrying a breakfast tray with orange juice and some food. Xander: Turn on the tv. Now! Willow does so and lays down again. TV Announcer: Sunnydale is still reeling from news of the crime. A source in the coroner's office tells us that the boy was s*ab with what looks like some kind of large skewer and his body was then mutilated. Police have not named a suspect and the k*ller is still at large. Buffy: The Polgara demon had a skewer in its arm. That's the one that Maggie insisted we bring back alive. Giles: She must have sent it after you. Buffy: And it got distracted... God. Willow: Buffy, its not your fault. Anya shakes head. Willow: How could you know? Giles: She's right. You mustn't blame yourself. Xander shakes head. Buffy: I'm not going to. I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. Buffy stands. Buffy: You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it I'm going to make him pay for taking that kid's life, I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. Anya's eyes lower. Buffy: That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas. Cut to Frat house. Riley starts walking up the stairs. Forest sees him and catches up. Forrest: Hey. Where've you been all night? Well, congratulations. I see you and Buffy have finally gotten past the shy phase. Riley: I wasn't with Buffy. I had to be alone, think some things through. Forrest: What things? Riley enters his room and closes the door behind Forest. Forrest: This is mighty ominous. Forrest: What's up man? Riley: Professor Walsh tried to have Buffy k*lled. Forrest: What? Did Buffy tell you that, I mean do you have any proof? Riley: I saw enough to know it's true. Forrest: I don't get it. Why? Riley: I dunno. Buffy thinks that she's getting too close to something - that Professor Walsh has some secret. Forrest: I wouldn't put it past Buffy to get on Professor Walsh's bad side. She tends to put her nose where it doesn't belong. Riley: What? Forrest: She's a pain. Always wanting to know why this and why that? Riley: And you're saying she should die because of that? Forrest: I don't know. Maybe Professor Walsh found out that Buffy was up to something bad. That ever cross your mind? Riley: Why does it bug you so much that I'm hanging with her? Is it because she's a better soldier than you? Forrest: It bugs me that she's using you to infiltrate our operation. Riley: So you saying that she's a spy? Hmpph You're crazy. Forrest: Riley think about it. The professor's not stupid, she tried to k*ll Buffy, maybe Buffy needed k*lling. Graham enters. Graham: Guys. Riley: Not now {Brian/Graham/Brad}. Graham doesn't leave. Forrest: What is it? Graham: Professor Walsh is d*ad. Cut to Initiative lab. Riley goes to see Walsh's body. Two scientists kneel over it. Military garbed types are standing guard. Forrest arrives moments later. Forrest: Look at that wound. She's been staked, wouldn't you say brother? Riley: What? Forrest: Only one person I can think of that who could do something like that. Riley: You better not be saying what I think you're saying. When we don't know a person did this - the Polgara demon has skewers. Riley walks off. Forrest walks after him. Forrest: {No way } man that's your girlfriend's m.o. Riley grabs Forest's shirt. Riley: That's a serious accusation. You better be ready to deal with the consequences. Forrest shoves Riley back. Forrest: Bring em on. That supernatural freak has blinded you and I'm sick of it. Riley: That's enough. Engelman: Stand back {man/Finn}. Show some respect. Listen, everybody's upset but arguing isn't going to help anything and it's certainly not what Professor Walsh would want. Riley: No sir. Engelman: Alright, good. Now Washington is sending in a team to do an internal investigation. I've been told we have to wait for their word. Riley: What do you mean wait? This has to be the work of the Polgara demon we captured last week. Engelman: Probably. It looks like last night the Polgara escaped through tunnel 72. Riley: It's out loose somewhere? Engelman: I'm afraid so. Riley: Then we have to go after it. Engelman: My orders from Washington are for a total lock down until they arrive. I'm sorry. Now, return to your quarters. There's nothing you can do here. cut to Riley and some commandos alone. Riley: Listen. Engelman can talk all he wants, but I'm still in charge 'til the brass gets here and tells me otherwise and I say we've got a demon to hunt. Now suit up for armed patrol And by that I mean loaded g*n, men. Target practice is over. We're {going} for blood. Cut to daylight. The Initiative is entering mausoleums or burial crypts. various voices: Move. Let's go inside. Establish a perimeter. {unintelligible} back. Forrest and Graham enter a crypt. Forrest: Somebody's been staying here. Graham: What do you think, a homeless guy? Forrest: Could be - or a squatter of the demon variety. Graham: Not the Polgara. Forrest: Who cares? I see a demon - it dies. Graham puts his hand on the tv. Graham: It's warm. Both remove cover of a fixed stone coffin only to find bones and a black shroud/dress. Forrest: Damn. Forrest smashes the tv with the butt of his g*n as he leaves. Forrest: Animals! Spike peeks out from beneath the bones and the black dress or shroud. He exhales. cut to The crime scene. Buffy looks from a distance. Yellow tape surround a policeman, someone in plain clothes and two ambulance personnel. Behind Buffy Riley approaches past a policeman dressed in commando garb. Riley: Buffy. Hey. Buffy: Hey. Buffy: Look I'm sorry about earlier. I know that {{au burn?}} came on pretty strong. And the Spike thing isn't as tweaked as it looks. Ok maybe it is but there's an explanation that almost makes sense. Hello. I'm apologizing here. And I-I think that's pretty big of me considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich. This is the part where you throw me a bone. Riley: Maggie's d*ad. silence Riley: Happy now? Buffy: How can you ask me that? Of course I'm not happy. What happened? Riley: That's classified. Buffy: Classifie_ The Polgara. It got her and escaped. Didn't it? Buffy: I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna find it and destroy it. And then you can stop asking me how happy all this death makes me. She walks away Cut to knocks Tara opens her door. Willow: Howdy. Tara: I just got your message a minute ago. I was in class. But I was about to call you. Willow: I had so much fun the other night, those spells. Tara: Yeah, that was nice. Willow: I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything. I mean ,I really like just talking and hanging out with you and stuff. Tara: I know that. But you wanna do a spell. Willow: Yeah. Tara giggles. Willow: But only because it's really important. There's this.. Tara: No you don't have to explain I don't mind really. I've been uh thinking about that last spell we did... all day. Willow: You have? Tara: Mmmhmmm. Willow: Well this one should be really fun too. We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy in the area. Tara: The goddess Thespia. Are you sure we're ready for that? Willow: You and me! This is beneath us. Tara: Ok. exhales Tara: If you say so. cut to bar Buffy enters. Willy cringes and moves down to the end of the bar after tilting his head to tell Buffy to move down there. Demons are drinking, hanging out. Willy: You're k*lling me here. Buffy: Oh missed you too. Joint's jumping. Willy: Yeah ya know. I'm making some changes with my life. Getting away from my old image. Buffy: You mean as a double dealing snitch. Willy: Uh Hunh. I know you're going think I'm bl*wing smoke, but after those Apocalypse demons nearly did me in I had an experience of the spiritual variety. Buffy: That's swell really. But I need to know if you've heard anything about a Polgara demon doing some killings in the last few days. Willy: You see that's the thing. I don't talk behind people's backs no more. And I'm bringing some class to the joint, ya know. It's Willy's Place now, see. Brings in a better clientele. I got one of those deep fryers. These demons just go crazy for chicken fingers. Look - if they see me dealing with you then I'm just the same old Willy working both sides of the street. Buffy: I'm going to have to punch you aren't I? Willow: Just once and it don't have to hurt, just make it look good. Buffy cocks her arm. Willy: Ohhh. Oww. Buffy: Not yet. I haven't touched you Willy: Sorry right, right, g-go ahead. Wait. Willy (loudly): No! I can't talk to you! Buffy punches him. She doesn't seem to have held back. Willy grabs his nose. Willy: Ohhh! Owwww! Buffy: What have you heard about the Polgara? Willy: Heard there was one around a week or two back. Word was you got him. You and those army guys. Buffy: And that was the last you heard? Willy: Yeah as far as I know he's off the streets. Buffy: What about those army guys? What do you know? You heard anything about 314? Beads rattle as Riley enters. Buffy: What are you doing here? Following me? Riley: You told me you were tracking the Polgara demon, I thought I'd help. But now I see you're not hunting demons you're socializing with them. Again! I thought you were supposed to be k*lling these things not buying them drinks. Buffy: Oh that's smooth, officer Riley. They teach you those undercover moves in special forces? Riley: No I'm serious Buffy. What are you doing here? Willy: Just cooling her dogs like the rest of us. Why don't you sit down, relax? Riley: I want you to tell me. Who are you? Willy: No kidding. How about I get you some chicken fingers on the house? Riley: Hey think you could shut up! Willy: Look I'm just saying. Riley: I said shut up! Or maybe you'd like to go back to the lab with me. I'm sure the coats would love to classify a - whatever you are. Buffy: Leave him alone Riley, he's human. Riley: So he's human. Riley is trembling. Buffy: You're shaking. Riley: He just harbors demons. Which makes him a good guy like you? Riley grabs Buffy's arms. Riley: The truth, Buffy, now! Buffy: You have the truth. You are just screwed up because of what happened to Professor Walsh to see it. Now let go of me. Buffy breaks his grip. An old woman starts to leave. Riley: Hold it you! Riley turns with drawn p*stol pointed at the woman. Riley: No leaving til I say so! His hand is trembling. Willy: Hey! We got new rules here, no k*lling. Riley: Right. Except rules don't seem to apply much these days do they? Like if I sh*t you right now I don't know if I'd have a corpse on my hands or one pissed off vampire. Buffy: Riley. Riley: I mean who do you believe? First it sounds like lies, then it sounds like truth. Buffy (softly): Riley. Silence. The old woman starts crying. Perhaps she says please in between sobs. Riley's hand continues to shake. Riley puts g*n down on bar, smashing glasses. Riley trembles and Buffy steps closer. Riley: Oh what's happening to me? =3D=3D=3D cut to Xander's basement Riley sits on a bed holding his head in his hands. The makeshift curtain is closed to allow some privacy. Buffy sits next to him and puts a shawl on his back. He sets it down. Buffy: Riley why don't you lie down? You'll be more comfortable. Riley is shaking. And he is scratching his hand bloody. Buffy: Stop it. Buffy grabs his hand. Riley: I can't. It's like something's growing inside of me. Buffy: No. You're hurting yourself. Ok shhh. Buffy takes off her bandana and wraps it around his hand. Riley: I thought I knew, but I don't. I don't know anything. Buffy (softly): Sshhh. You're sick. Once you get some rest... Riley trembles and shakes during this. Riley: No. Buffy. I don't know... anything. I don't know what's going on. Who the bad guys are. Maybe I'm the bad guy. Maybe I'm the thing you should k*ll. Buffy: No! Don't you even think that. Buffy strokes Riley's cheek. Buffy (softly): Ok listen to me. You're sick. You just need to get some sleep. Please. Lie down for me. Come on. Riley curls up in a fetal position. Shaking. Buffy strokes his forehead. Buffy: {It'll} be ok. Riley seems to calm and shake less. His breathing calms. Perhaps he is asleep. Buffy exits through the makeshift curtains. Cut to: On the other side. Giles: How is he? Buffy: It isn't just grief making him act this way. Something's affecting him physically and its getting worse. Anya: {Do} you think Professor Walsh did something to him? Buffy: I don't know, but I'm ready to find out. Xander: That's gonna be tough, what with Maggie's deadness and all. Buffy: She must have kept records somewhere. A-about Riley, about 314, about all of it. And I'm sure she wasn't the only person that knew what she was up to. Xander: So what's the plan? Buffy: Giles, Anya keep researching. Xander, you and I are going undercover. Anya: Hey! Remember before. No Xander! Not in a boyfriend way or a lead him to a certain death way. Buffy: He's the only one with military experience. Anya: It's not like he was in the 'Nam. He was GI Joe for one night. Xander: It's ok Anya. I've backed up Buffy before. Anya: Can't you do something else to help them? Like... Xerox handouts or something? Xander holds Anya's arms. Xander: I'll be careful. Promise. Xander goes off. Giles: It's a minor point but how do you plan to get in to the Initiative? I sure their, uh, security system's almost impenetrable. Buffy: I have my clearance. I'm hoping she didn't have time to revoke it. Giles: {Ok}. As to the whereabouts of this Polgara demon... I'm afraid we've-we've not turned up much. There's been no reports since its original capture. Buffy: Then we'll just have to keep looking. cut to A square of twine with the points held down by four different colored crystals. Pull back to reveal Willow and Tara sitting. Tara: So the square is Sunnydale. Willow: Right it's like a map. We both take different parts of the potion and when we do the incantation we both blow it onto the square at the exact same time. Tara: But hown does it work? Willow: Well that's the cool part. When the potion mixes and Thespia is called it creates this mist over the parts where the demons are. I-It even makes different colors for different breeds. Tara: Wow. Tara nodds. Willow: You ready? Tara nodds. Willow pours some green powder into Tara's hand from a grey stone bowl or mortar, then some white powder into her own hand from a green mortar. Willow: Let's do it. Willow closes her eyes. Tara closes her eyes. Tara: Thespia, we walk in shadow, walk in blindness. You are the protector of the night. Willow: Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you, open a window to the world of the underbeing. Both blow but Tara surreptitiously lowers her hand and dumps her powder under the bed/table cloth? while Willow is actually bl*wing her powder. Willow: With your knowledge may we go in safety. With your grace may we speak of your benevolence. Willow opens her eyes to see no effect. Willow: Or not. Willow looks confused. Tara looks down and looks back a Willow. Cut to Frat house. Buffy is wearing glasses with her hair up in a bun and carrying a white cloth bag. Xander is dressed in green military style gear. But he has a white t-shirt showing. Xander: Seems pretty quite. Buffy: It usually is this time of _ A man goes past them. They continue on. Buffy touches a panel and then stands in front of the full length mirror. Xander: Buff, maybe You should check the look later. Buffy: Shhh. Buffy pushes Xander so he is not in front of the mirror. Xander: Oww! What'd you do that for? Buffy: Sorry, I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan. Xander: The. Ewww. I don't wanna see that. Buffy: Retinal. Scan. Xander. Buffy: Well we'll know in a few seconds if my clearance is still good. Xander: Or if we're about to die at the hands of fifty grief filled military g*ons. Voice: Retinal scan recorded. Summers, Buffy. Elevator opens and Buffy steps in. Xander: Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of the man-sized microwave? Xander steps in. The doors close behind them. View of the elevator from below as it descends. They exit as the doors open. Cut to The Iniative. Xander: Holy moley. Buffy: I know. Speaker voice: {____} Xander: I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley too? Buffy looks at Xander. Speaker voice: Dr Forman {to the examining area} Xander: Quick pretend to make out with me. Buffy: Wait, what are you talking about? Xander: Well I uh, you know. In the movies the guy and the girl have to hide. Speaker voice: {Doctor _} Buffy: Please, could you possibly draw more attention to us. The two guys Xander saw coming up the stairs pass them as Buffy looks at her clipboard. Speaker voice: Agent Owens to interrogation. Buffy: This is the Initiative Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other. Xander: Well maybe that's wrong with the world. Ever think about that? Cut to Xander's basement. Willow: It totally failed. It wasn't even like the spell went wrong. It just wouldn't. Giles: If it's any consolation, we haven't fared much better here. Willow: Really. Is Riley ok? Giles: Well he's asleep finally. {But} he doesn't look good. And the, uh, research is troubling as well. I mean, this-this demon we're after seems highly atypical for a Polgara. This child that it k*lled is mutilated. There's no recorded cases of a Polgara ever having done such a thing. Anya: Also the Polgara have to eat every two hours. Factor in the low I.Q. and you have a demon who's not exactly low profile. Willow: So how had he been hiding in Sunnydale for the last two days without anyone seeing him? Giles: Exactly. Willow pulls back the curtain surrounding the bed. Riley is standing there, no longer lying down. Willow: Riley! Riley: Where's Buffy? Willow: She went out. Can-can I get you something? Riley: Just tell me where she is. Giles: You're not well Riley you need to rest. Riley puts on his boots. Riley: Did she find the Polgara? Hunh? Is that it? Giles: Well, no, we're still looking. Riley: Well what? Willow: She went to find out what's making you sick. Riley: I'm not sick. Are you're telling me she went to the Initiative. Riley goes to grab his stuff. Willow: Riley she's just trying to help you. Willow moves between Riley and the stairs. Riley: She doesn't belong there. Willow: Riley listen/ Riley: Stand away from the stairs. Willow: No, you're gonna get Buffy k*lled. Riley tosses Willow behind him and she falls. Giles: Hey. Riley goes up the stairs. Giles and Anya go to a fallen Willow. They help her up. Giles: You alright? cut to Initiative. Buffy eavedrops on a conversation while Xander stands by her. Engelman: how many of the men are still out the longer they go without their meds Scientist: Everyone's off their schedules because of the professors' death. Engleman: It's dangerous I don't want to think about the damage out guys could do under the stress of withdrawal especially since they won't understand what's happening to them. These guys don't know they've been getting meds in their food so we better get them in here stat Scientist: we've located all but a few. the last ones were in pretty bad shape but we s*ab them Engleman: but Finn wasn't one of them, right. Scientist: no Engleman: Find him. He's the one I care about. He's too important to our work to lose now. Scientist: indeed. cut to bar music: I had said it time and time again spike: double sh*t of {{verneg}}, keep. Make it the good stuff don't want no freaking orangutan willy: got ya Spike: been a real pisser of a day isn't it? Those army blokes are on a tear. They ran me out of my place. And all over town. A demon places a hand on his shoulder Spike: Yeah what's that. Spike gets punched in the face Engleman: Keep me posted. I'll be in records Engleman enters a room with his card and Buffy manages to follow him before the door shuts. Buffy grabs Engelman's shirt. Buffy: Now I don't generally like to k*ll humans. But I've learned that it pays to be flexible in life. Engleman: I was wondering when you'd turn up. Buffy: Oh darn! She takes off the glasses. Buffy: So this isn't a surprise. She sets the glasses down. Buffy: Now you can tell me what you did to Riley and after that we can take a tour of room 314. Engleman: Somebody's coming, you know. I'm sure they've already seen you on the security monitors. Riley enters. Riley: Monitors are non-functional at this time, sir. Went down about ten minutes ago. Buffy: What! I didn't do that. Xander: Thank god for small favors and we'll worry about the details later, hunh, Buff? Engleman: Finn take this girl to the stockade immediately. Buffy: Riley, he can tell us what we need to know. Maggie wanted me d*ad, didn't she? Engleman: She did. He looks at Riley Engleman: But understand the Initiative has no interest in eliminating the slayer. He looks back at Buffy. Engleman: It was her own vendetta. Buffy: Why? Spell it out for me! I feel an att*ck of dumb blonde coming on. Engleman: I don't know. {Buffy grabs a little tighter.} Buffy: Well think harder! Engleman: It was the project. Buffy: Project? 314. Engleman: It... He looks at Riley and back. Engleman: It escaped. Riley steps closer. Riley: That's enough! You're making her sound like some psychopath. She wasn't like that! she was a brillant woman! Engleman is looking at Riley. Engleman moves his hand downward in a take it easy gesture. Engleman: She was. It's not.. Riley: All she was doing was trying to help people and this is the way you want them to remember her! Buffy: Engleman said Walsh was feeding you drugs. Riley moves within arm's reach. Buffy lets Engelman go. Riley (pointing to Buffy): You're doing this to me, aren't you? Engleman slips back. Riley: This all started because of you. Buffy: If you will just listen to me, I am trying to help you get to the truth. Riley: You want truth then tell me, what did you do to her Buffy? Riley grabs Buffy and she breaks the grip. Buffy: Stop it! I didn't do anything. Again Riley grabs Buffy and she breaks the grip. Buffy: Riley stop! This isn't about us, everything that we need to know is here, we just need to find out what was in 314. An commando's body drops from a raised platform. On the platform is Adam. Adam: Me. =3D=3D=3D=3D Adam paces on the platform. Adam: I've been thinking about the world. I wanted to see it, learn it. Adam: I saw the inside of that boy... and it was beautiful, but it didn't tell me about the world. It just made me feel. So now I want to learn about me. Why I feel? What I am? Adam simply steps off the platform and drops about 3 yards/meters. Adam: So I came home. Adam inserts a thick disk from a pouch on his right waist into his chest. The letters Ad__ were on it. Adam: I'm a kinematically redundant, biomechanical demonoid designed by Maggie Walsh. She called me Adam and I called her mother. Engleman: Adam. Maggie would want you to stand down. Adam: Yes. But I seem to have a design flaw. Engleman pales. Adam: In addition to organic material I'm equipped with GP-2, D-11 Infrared Detectors, A Harmonic Decelerator, plus D.C. Servo. Buffy: She pieced you together from parts of other demons. Adam: And man. And machine. Which tells me what I am, but not who I am. Mother wrote things down. Hard data, but also her feelings. That's how I learned that I have a job here. And that she loved me. Riley: She wasn't your mother and she didn't love you! Xander: Is that really the issue? Riley: She made you because she was a scientist! Xander: Riley! Adam pulls another disk from a pouch on his waist and inserts it in his chest. It has the letters FI__ on it. Adam: Riley Finn. Riley: Stop! Those files... Adam: Oh! Mother created you too. Riley: Maggie's not my mother! I have a mother! A real _ Adam: A birth mother. Yes. But after you met Maggie, she was the one who shaped your basic operating system. She taught you how to think, how to feel. She fed you chemicals to make you stronger - your mind and body. She said that you and I were her favorite children. Her art. That makes us brothers. Family. Riley steps forward. Riley: No! I'm not like you. Adam: That's pain isn't it? Why? Because your feeding schedule - the chemicals have been interupted? Or do you miss her? Tell me. Riley: I'll k*ll you! Adam: You won't. You haven't been programmed to. Riley: I cannot be programmed! I'm a man! Adam: It's here. {He holds a diskette up.} Adam: The plan she had for us. What happens. How it ends. Riley: No. Adam Do you want to hear? Riley: No! Riley pulls his p*stol and Adam disarms Riley. Buffy steps in and a punch downs her. Riley punches Adam's face and Adam responds with an uppercut sending Riley flying up in the air over a table. Xander runs in to push Adam and is pushed and thrown back into a wall. Buffy throws a kick to Adam's chest. Adam punches Buffy's face. Buffy punches Adam's stomach and Adam chops at her shoulder and she falls. Engelman starts to run. Adam's skewer comes out. Engelman passes Adam. Adam: Doctor. Adam skewers Engelman in the middle of his chest and Engelman falls, d*ad. Riley grabs Adam around the throat from behind. Adam breaks the hold, turns and s*ab Riley with his skewer on his left side, and Riley falls clutching his wound. Buffy kicks Adam in the back. Adam spins and Buffy dodges the skewer. Adam knock Buffy to the floor. Adam picks up Buffy who is holding the skewer and throws her about 3 yards or meters into a steel door. She doesn't rise. The commandos are pounding on the door. Adam looks around. Adam: Thank you. This has been... very interesting. Adam walks up some stairs towards the platform he started from. Unseen military guy: Back away from the door Adam reaches up towards a vent. sh*ts pierce the door. Buffy moves to Riley's side. The commandos break open the door. Buffy: Riley. Are you ok? Unseen military guy: Secure the {room.} Xander: {We} got a demon in here. It escaped through that vent. Buffy: It's not the Polgara - it looks sort of half man. Forrest: Right and you just happened to be in the neighborhood. Riley: She's telling the truth. I saw it. It k*lled Engelman. Go.. now. Buffy: He needs to go to a hospital. Forrest: We'll take it from here. Buffy: I'm going with him. Forrest: It's a military hospital. Buffy: No. Forrest {growls}: Back off. Forrest: We take care of our own around here, understand! Two commandos lower r*fle w*apon and aim them at Buffy. Two more are beside them. Xander: Buffy. They stop aiming their w*apon. Forest and Graham each take one of Riley's arms and help him up. Forrest: "Escort them out." Riley turns his head slightly to look back. Riley (weakly): Buffy. Cut to alley. Smacking sounds. Spike rolls and falls on his back, his face is bloody, but not from feeding. A demon walks and looks down at a prone Spike. Demon: What did you expect spike - a welcome party? Two other demons look on from the door. Demon: Word's out - you've been making w*r on the demon world. Spike: w*r? Demon: With the slayer. You k*ll other demons and the rest of us don't hold with that. The two demons in a doorway who were watching turn around to go back inside. Demon: Still, if I see you around again, I'll be inclined break that code. Do you understand? The demon leaves. Spike has still not moved since falling. Cut to Campus, daylight. Buffy and Willow are walking. Willow: No word from Riley? Buffy: Nothing. The Initiative probably has him locked in some medical ward. {There's} no way I can get near him until I come up with a better plan than just storming in and getting us all sh*t. Willow: Yeah, you might want to work the kinks out of that one. Buffy: What am I going to do? He needs me and I can't get near him. Willow: You'll find a way. Buffy: It's not like I can spend all of my energy going after the Initiative. Not while Adam's out there. Willow: He's really that big of a thr*at? They sit on a bench. Buffy: I could barely fight him. It's like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast. He gave the commando guys the slip with no problem. Willow: There's gotta be a flaw. Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight Buffy: I never should have let them take Riley. I need to be with him. Willow: I'm sure he's ok. Buffy: There's no way he can be. Everything's he's ever believed in has been taken away. He's alone. He has nothing to hold on to. Cut to Initiative hallway with three scientist and military types. Cut to Room and a bed with Riley on it. He has bandages wrapped around his midsection. Riley raises his hand, which was in shadow and looks at Buffy's bandanna which he has wrapped around it and is clasping. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++= Buffy the vampire slayer "Goodbye Iowa" Transcribed by Joseph B Written by: Marti Noxon Directed by: David Solomon Disclaimer: This is a transcript intended for anyone who cannot watch BTVS for whatever reason, to enjoy, as well as those who think transcripts are just cool, and as reference material for fanfic writers. Buffy and all copyrighted characters are the product of Joss Whedon and I have nothing but respect for him and those whose hard work is put into bringing us a great show. I did this of my own free time and will never make a dime from it. Now let me add. If you are looking at this transcript, save it, copy it, send it to your friends. Unlike other transcribers, who I have nothing but respect for, if you see any mistakes that might be in this transcript, feel free to correct them, or if you just want to personalize it to suit yourself, by all means. Hell I do it. ~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade-in. Giles' apartment. Just the way we left things from "The `I' in Team." Buffy is pacing, Giles is standing close by, Willow is sitting at his desk, Spike is sitting on the bottom steps of the stairs, and Anya and Xander are sitting on Giles' w*apon trunk against the wall. Buffy is in the middle of telling them what just happened. Buffy: So Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those Blasto-g*n. And the next thing I know, it's raining monsters. Xander: (without humor) Hallelujah. Buffy: And then this gate slams down behind me and I try to use the g*n but it goes "phitt!" Giles: You're saying that Maggie Walsh set you up? Buffy: That's exactly what I'm saying. She sent me on a way-one recon. Spike: Gotta hand it to you, Goldilocks. You do have bleeding, tragic taste in men. I got a cousin married to a regurgitating Frovalox demon that's got better instincts than you. Buffy: (glaring at him) What does my taste in men have to do with this? Spike: Do you think Riley was out knitting booties for your future off-spring while Maggie was stringing you up? Buffy looks at everyone else's expressions. They don't say anything, but she can see from their faces . . . Buffy: You guys think Riley had something to do with this? Giles: Probably not. But, uh . . . we'd be remiss if we didn't think of all the possibilities. Buffy: (softly) Right. "Remiss." She's turning away, then suddenly faces him again. Buffy: No. No. Maggie made sure he was no where around when she sent me on this very special "make Buffy d*ad" assignment. Willow: And plus, Riley? He seems like he wouldn't tell a little white lie, let alone a whole bunch of big, dirty ones. Xander: That's why they call it the "secret forces," Will. 'Cause they kinda keep the whole lying thing to themselves. Buffy: All I know is that Maggie has it in for me. Which means the Initiative has it in for me. Xander: I'm guessing the mad scientist isn't too keen on the fact that the entire Scooby g*ng knows that the Initiative is up to no good. Buffy: Which brings us back to the "not safe for any of us" concept. Giles: What could have happened to make Professor Walsh want to k*ll you? Buffy: (at a loss) I don't know. Uh . . . She wasn't keen on the fact that I was asking a lot of questions, that's for sure. Anya: So you were getting too close to something? Giles: Clearly. Although, one can only imagine what she'd be so desperate to hide. Cut to deep in the woods. All is quiet with the peaceful sounds of birds and other forest noises. Pan to a concrete access tunnel just visible from the side of the hill. It doesn't look as if it's been used for sometime as the metal doors screech as they are opened from the inside. Close up on a pair of army boots walking down the steps from the entrance. As the sh*t pans up we see legs clad in camouflage commando pants and the left leg is in a metal brace (jointed at the knee) from ankle to mid-thigh. He's not wearing a shirt, and his flesh is a jigsaw of different skin types and there is an electronic metal plate over the left side of his chest. His face is mostly green except for the patch of pale human flesh around his right blue eye and ear. His left eye is a demonic red color. His short hair is a normal brown, but there is a metal plating that frames the left green side of his face and wraps around to the back of his head. Outside for the first time, Adam looks at his surroundings. Wolf's wolf. Buffy theme and credits roll. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part One ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in to Giles' apartment. Buffy has Giles' trunk opened and is taking out w*apon. Buffy: Okay, everybody grab a w*apon. We gotta move. She hands Xander a battle ax and gives Anya a bat with a fisherman's hook attached to the head. Xander: And storm the Initiative? (bravado) Yeah, let's take on those suckers! Buffy: I was thinking more that we'd hide. Xander: (relieved) Oh, thank God. Giles: Buffy, I think perhaps we should talk about this. Buffy: We need to relocate some place where we're less likely to be found. We need to come up with a plan. Willow: We could go to my place. (she is holding a wicked looking flail = think spiked mace on a chain) Buffy: The Initiative guys know how close we are. They'll automatically check the places you hang out. Xander, what about your basement. The guys haven't seen us together that much and there's enough room. Willow: (smiles) Oh, plus: mirror ball. Xander: Cool! Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway. Anya: (not happy) Yes. Come boogie. Giles: Absolutely not. I will not squat in that dank whole. Spike: What? It was good enough for me but you're above it all? Giles: Precisely. (sits down at his desk) Besides, I don't see why we can't stay right where we are. (chuckles) Because it's very unlikely those Initiative boys are gonna come around here looking for-- The front door opens and Riley steps inside. Riley: Buffy! Everybody looks at him in surprise. Riley closes the door and rushes over to Buffy. Riley: God, Buffy. Are you okay? What happened? Buffy: (a b*at) You know? Riley: I know something went down. (pause) Tell me. Buffy: Maggie tried to k*ll me. No one says anything for a moment. Anya: (helpfully) It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway. Riley: Okay, listen. I need you to go over everything. Step by step. There has-- has to be some kind of mistake. Xander: There was no mistake! And how do you know something happened? Riley: I was on a mission. But I came back and . . . I'm not sure. Look, let's just keep our heads and not jump to any-- He looks over his shoulder and sees Spike sitting on the stairs. Spike looks away. Riley takes a step back in surprise as he faces the vampire. Buffy: What? Riley: That's Hostile 17. Spike: Uh, no! I'm (bad American accent) just a friend of Xanderrr's-- (sighs) Bugger it. I'm your guy. Buffy: This is Spike. He's, uh . . . It's a really long story. But he's not bad anymore. Spike: Hey! (stands) What I am, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad! It's just . . . I can't bite anymore. Thanks to you w*nk*r. Riley: (exasperated) We've been looking all over the place for him but you've known where he's been all along? Buffy: It's not like that. Riley: Then what is it like? What's he doing here? Spike: Leaving you swabs to your dramatics. Thanks. He walks over to the door and grabs his leather duster. Spike: (putting it on) I've got my stories on the telly for that. By the by, if you're trying to k*ll her . . . Spike gives Riley two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Buffy rolls her eyes. He turns and pulls his coat over his head. He opens the door and runs outside. Riley: Buffy . . . what is this? You're hiding an HST? Xander: Why don't you just back off and let her ask the questions, Jack? Your boss just tried to make monster food out of her. Riley sees everyone looking at him and calms down. Riley: I-I didn't see much. I wasn't there. I . . . All I know is Professor Walsh told me you were d*ad. But then I saw you on the monitors . . . Look this isn't Professor Walsh-- There must be something making her act this way. Something I-- I don't know. Controlling her. Giles: We think Buffy may have been becoming too in inquisitive. That she was getting close to something that Professor Walsh was trying to hide. Any idea what that might be? Buffy: What about 314? Maybe that's it? Riley: Maybe she was trying to test you. What if it was only a drill? Buffy: Then why did she tell you I was d*ad? Riley, it wasn't a test. Giles: See, I've heard rumors that the Initiative wasn't all that we've been told. That, uh, secretly they're working towards some darker purpose. Something that might harm us all-- Riley: No! That's . . . that's not what happens there. Buffy: Riley. Riley: I would know! Buffy: Look, no one is sure of anything. Okay? We're just trying to sort it out. Riley: I can't be here. I'll sort it out on my own. (heads for the door) Buffy: (going after him) Riley. Riley: No! Just-- I'm sorry. He opens the door and is gone. Cut to the woods again. Close up of a small boy sitting next to his bike. He is playing with a cyborg, soldier action figure. On the rise behind him, the back of a house can be seen not far away but it appears as if he's the only one outside right now. Until Adam sees the him. Despite his size, the boy doesn't notice Adam until he is standing just a few feet away. The boy looks up and smiles with a "cool!" expression on his face. ADAM: What am I? Boy: (standing) You're a monster. ADAM: (nodding) I thought so. What are you? Boy: Me? I'm a boy. ADAM: (curious) A boy. How do you work? Boy: I don't know, I just do. The boy sees something and points. Boy: What's that for? Adam looks down and raises his Polgara left arm where just the sharp tip of the bone skewer (sheathed inside the forearm) is visible under his wrist. Adam looks at the boy and a "let me show you" smile slowly spreads across his grotesque face. Cut to UC Sunnydale at night. Riley is walking across campus without a clear destination. Probably the first real brooding he's done in his entire life. On that depressing note we-- Cut to the Initiative. Lab 314. Dr. Angleman opens the door to the dark lab and flips the light switch. The lights stay off and he flips it on and off a couple times, but they remain off. Angleman: Dr. Walsh? (worried whisper) Adam? Slowly, he starts walking across the lab but his feet slip out from under him and he falls to the floor. He's pushing himself up when he notices something wet on his hands. He sees they're covered with blood, then notices the trail of blood leading to the body of Professor Walsh lying face down on the floor. Angleman freaks, scrambles to his feet, and runs out of the lab. We go to Xander's basement. It is morning. Close up of the disco mirror ball hanging from the ceiling. Cut to Giles lying on an inflated beach chair. He's waking up and squints his eyes against the dots of light the mirror ball is shining in his face. He rubs a hand on his forehead. Obviously a good night's sleep he didn't get. Sounds of the Road Runner can be heard as the camera pans the basement. There is an empty sleeping bag on the floor next to Giles. Two blankets hanging from the clothesline divides the basement in half. On the other half we see Willow, Anya, and Buffy (in that order) still under the covers in the fold-out bed watching TV, where the self-proclaimed "super genius" (AKA Wile E. Coyote) is k*lling himself again with another one of his shoddy Acme traps that backfires on him. Willow finds this funny. Buffy: (unmoved) That would never happen. Willow: Well, no, Buff. That's why they call them cartoons not documentaries. Giles steps through the draped blankets and shuts off the TV. Giles: Must we have the noise? My head is splitting. He's returning to the other side of the basement. Willow: (smiling) Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning. Giles: Yes. I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball. Anya: Every time you moved it made squeaky noises. It was irritating. Giles: Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring. Buffy: Okay, you guys, could we not, please. Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parents' marriage. Anya: (a b*at) Sorry. Giles: Sorry. Buffy: Thank you. Giles disappears through the blankets. Willow: It'll be okay, Buffy. Riley's just confused, that's all. Buffy: I don't know. It just seems like things can get heavier. His whole world's falling apart. Anya: And after everything you've been through with Angel. You know, you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. (smiles) Like Xander. (then) You can't have Xander. Buffy: That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things like hold hands through the daisies going "tra la la." Willow: Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average. Anya: So dump him! (sternly) But you can't have Xander. Buffy: I'll try and remember that. (pause) It's too late, anyway. I'm already at the "I hurt when he hurts. I smile when he smiles" stage. Anya: (whispers) I hate that part. Buffy: I'll just have to make it work. Xander hurries down the stairs into the basement, carrying a breakfast tray. Xander: Turn on the TV. Now! Willow gets up to switch the TV back on. The news is on. Newswoman: Sunnydale is still reeling from news of the crime. (Giles peeks out from the blankets brushing his teeth) A source in the coroner's office tells us that the boy was s*ab with what looks like some kind of large skewer. And his body was then mutilated. Police have not named a suspect and the k*ller is still at large. Realization fills Buffy's expression as she listens. Buffy: The Polgara demon had a skewer in its arm. That's the one Maggie insisted we bring back alive. Giles: (mouthful of toothpaste) She must have sent it after you. Buffy: And it got distracted. (looks away) God. Willow: Buffy, it's not your fault. How could you know? Giles: She's right. You mustn't blame yourself. Buffy: (a b*at) I'm not going to. As she gets out of bed, cue "bad-ass" Chris Beck score. She faces them with a determined expression. Buffy: I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I am going to make him pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. Bad-ass score dies and everyone just looks at her, seemingly, unmoved by her passionate speech. Buffy notices their looks and glances down at the weird pattern on her pajamas. Buffy: That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas. Cut to Lowell House. Riley has just walked in and is heading for his room. Forrest Gates spots him and catches up with him on the stairs. Forrest: Hey! Where you been all night? Riley doesn't answer. Forrest: (smiles) Well. Congratulations. I see you and Buffy have finally gotten past the shy phase. Forrest raises a fist for Riley to knuckle but Riley leaves him hanging. He's still in brooding mode. Riley: I wasn't with Buffy. I needed to be alone. Think some things through. Forrest: What things? In the hall now, Riley turns to face him. Then reconsiders and motions him to follow him into his room. Forrest: (stepping inside) This is mighty ominous. What's up, man? Riley: Professor Walsh tried to have Buffy k*lled. Forrest: What? Did Buffy tell you that? I mean, do you have any proof? Riley: I saw enough to know it's true. Forrest: I don't get it. Why? Riley: I don't know. (paces across the room) Buffy thinks that she's getting too close to something. That Professor Walsh has some secret. Forrest: I wouldn't put it past Buffy to get on Professor Walsh's bad side. She tends to put her nose where it doesn't belong. Riley: What? Forrest: (angry) She's a pain. Always wanting to know "why this?" and "why that?" Riley: (exasperated) And you're saying she should die because of that? Forrest: I don't know. Maybe Professor Walsh found out that Buffy was up to something bad. That ever cross your mind? Riley: Why does it bug you so much that I'm hanging with her? Is it because she's a better soldier than you? Forrest: It bugs me that she's using you to infiltrate our operations. Riley: (raising voice) So you're saying she's a spy? You're crazy! (turns away) Forrest: Riley, think about it. The professor is not stupid. If she tried to k*ll Buffy, maybe Buffy needed k*lling. Behind Forrest, the door opens and Graham Miller steps inside. Graham: Guys. Riley: Not now, Graham. Graham's usually calm, stoic face seems a bit forced. Forrest: What is it? Graham: (deep breath) Professor Walsh is d*ad. Forrest takes this news and looks at Riley. Off Riley's shocked expression, we fade to commercial. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Two ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in on the Initiative. Riley rounds a corner quickly and pushes his way to the open door of lab 314. He sees Professor Walsh lying on the floor while two other scientists are looking over her body. Forrest steps up besides him and sees this and has to look away for a moment. Forrest: (steely) Look at that wound. She's been staked, wouldn't you say, brother? Riley: What? Forrest: Only one person I can think of who could do something like that. Riley: (warning tone) You better not be saying what I think you're saying. Riley steps out into the corridor. Forrest follows him and Riley faces him. Riley: We-we don't know that a person did this. The Polgara demon has a skewer that comes right out of-- Forrest: (angrily) No way! That's your girlfriend's MO! Riley: (grabs a fistful of Forrest's shirt) Hey, that's a serious accusation! You better be ready to deal with the consequences. Forrest: (shoves Riley back) Then bring `em on! That supernatural freak has blinded you and I'm sick of it! Riley: (advancing) That's enough! Angleman steps in between them. Angleman: Stand back! Show some respect! Listen, everybody's upset. But arguing isn't going to help anything. And it's certainly not what Professor Walsh would want. Riley and Forrest keep "I'm gonna kick your ass" eye contact for a few more seconds then break off. Riley: No, sir. (takes a couple of steps back) Angleman: All right. Good. Now Washington is sending in a team to do an internal investigation. I've been told we have to wait for their word. Riley: What do you mean "wait?" This has to be the work of the Polgara demon we captured last week! Angleman: Probably. Looks like, last night, the Polgara escaped through tunnel seventy-two. Riley: It's out loose somewhere?! Angleman: I'm afraid so. Riley: Then we have to go after it. Riley starts to walk off but Angleman stops him. Angleman: My orders from Washington are for a total lock-down until they arrive. I'm sorry. Now, return to your quarters. There's nothing you can do here. Riley is silent then nods. Satisfied, Angleman walks off. When he disappears around the corner Riley turns to Graham and a few other commandos standing nearby. Riley: Listen. Angleman can talk all he wants, but I'm still in charge until the brass gets here and tells me otherwise. I say we got a demon to hunt. (absently scratches the back of his right hand) Now suit up for armed patrol. And by that I mean loaded g*n, man. Target practice is over. We're going for blood. They head off to follow their orders. Forrest looks at Riley but doesn't say anything as he walks past him to follow the others. Riley glances once more into the lab before following as well. Cut to cemetery. Daylight. Two humvees pull up and commandos, fully armed, start storming the mausoleums. We see Forrest and Graham head toward a mausoleum. Cut to interior of Spike's place. We don't see him inside and Forrest and Graham enter, r*fles ready. Forrest: Somebody's been staying here. Graham: What do think, a homeless guy? Forrest: (moving deeper into the chamber) Could be. Or a squatter of the demon variety. Graham: But not the Polgara. Forrest: (faces him) Who cares!? I see a demon, it dies. There is a TV set up on a stone bench. Graham puts a palm on top of it. Graham: It's warm. Forrest glances at the sarcophagus and he and Graham move to either end, slinging their r*fles. Together they raise the stone lid and lean it against the side. Inside they see an old decayed skeleton with its arms folded over its chest, covered in an old blanket. Unslinging there r*fles they head for the door again. Forrest: Damn. Forrest is passing the TV and he shatters the screen with the stock of his r*fle. Forrest: Animals. We hear them leave and we cut to a close up of inside the sarcophagus. The blanket is folded up and we see Spike's head poke out from between the skeleton's feet. He sits up, the skeleton's knees draping over his shoulders, and sighs in relief. Cut to the dry hills on the outskirts of Sunnydale. Buffy is walking down a dirt road. Behind her, up the road, a police car is parked. Below and ahead of her, she sees the crime scene. Another police car is parked and a detective is talking with a uniformed cop as two coroner's people carry a gurney with a small zipped bodybag on it under the crime scene tape. Riley: Buffy. She turns and sees Riley walking down the road towards her. He's in full commando attire. He's scratching the back of his right hand again. Riley: Hey. Buffy: Hey. Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I know everyone came on pretty strong. And the Spike thing isn't as tweaked as it looked. Okay, maybe it is. But there's an explanation that almost makes sense. (sees that he's looking off to the hills) Hello? I'm apologizing here. And I think that's pretty big of me, considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich. He doesn't say anything. Buffy: This is the part where you throw me a bone. Riley: Maggie's d*ad. Buffy absorbs this news. But before she can say anything-- Riley: Happy now? Buffy: (eyes narrowing) How can you ask me that? Of course I'm not happy. What happened? Riley: (coldly) That's classified. Buffy: Classifi-- (realizes) The Polgara. It got her and escaped. Didn't it? Riley just nods. Buffy: I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna find it and destroy it. (angry) And then you can stop asking me how happy all this death makes me! She steps around him and marches quickly back up the road. Riley turns as if to say something, but doesn't. Sighing, he faces the crime scene again. Cut to someone knocking on a door. Tara walks up and opens it to see Willow in the hall. Willow: (smiling) Howdy. Tara: (smiles) I just got your message a minute ago. I was in class. But I was about to call you. She steps back to let Willow inside. Willow: I had so much fun the other night. The spells. Tara: Yeah, that was nice. Willow: I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything. I mean, I really like just talking and hanging out with you and stuff. Tara: I know that. (knowingly) But you want to do a spell. Willow: Yeah. But only because it's really important. There's this-- Tara: No. You don't have to explain. I don't mind. Really. (smiles) I've been, um, thinking about that last spell we did all day. Willow: (excited) You have? Well this one should be fun, too. We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy in the area. It shouldn't be too tricky. Tara: The goddess Thespia? Are you sure we're ready for that? Willow: You and me? (gamely) This is beneath us. Tara: (considers) . . . Okay. If you say so. Cut to Willy's bar. Buffy makes her entrance by pushing aside the beaded string curtains and quickly spots Willy behind the bar. Willy sees her and doesn't bother to hide a "God must hate me" sigh. He motions her to the other end of the bar. Buffy follows and leans on the bar. Willy: You're k*lling me here. Buffy: Oh, I missed you, too. The joint's jumping. Willy: Yeah. You know. (the vampire sitting nearby sees Buffy looking at him and takes his leave, forgetting his beer) Making some changes with my life. I'm getting away from my old image. Buffy: You mean as a double-dealing snitch? Willy: Uh-huh. I know you gonna think I'm bl*wing smoke, but after those apocalypse demons nearly did me in, I had an experience of the spiritual variety. Buffy: (not caring) That's swell, really. But I need to know if you've heard anything about a Polgara demon doing some killings in the last few of days. Willy: See, uh, that's the think. I don't talk behind people's backs no more. And I'm bringing some class to the joint. You know? It's "Willy's Place" now. See? (indicates neon sign on the wall) Brings in a better clientele. I got one of those deep friers. These demons just go crazy for chicken fingers. (off Buffy's expression) Look, if they see me dealing with you, then I'm just the same old Willy working both sides of the street. Buffy: I'm gonna have to punch you, aren't I? Willy: (not missing a b*at) Just once and it don't have to hurt. Just make it look good. Buffy straightens and raises her fist. Willy instantly clutches his nose. Willy: Oww! Oh! Buffy: (whispering) Not yet, I haven't touched you! Willy: Oh, sorry. Right. Right. G-go ahead. Wait. (louder voice) No. I can't talk to you--oww! Buffy straight-jabs him in the nose and now he's really hurting. Willy: Ohhhh! Buffy: What have you heard about the Polgara? Willy: (still in pain) Heard there was one about a week or two back. Word was you got him. You and those army guys. Buffy: And that was the last you heard? Willy: Yeah. As far as I know, he's off the streets. Buffy: What about those army guys? What do you know? You heard anything about 314? Riley walks through the stringed curtains. Looking the place over he realizes it's filled with demons. As he approaches Buffy we notice there is a thin sheen of sweat on his face. He doesn't look happy at what he's seeing. Buffy: (faces him) What are you doing here? Following me? Riley: (a tad pissed) You told me you were tracking the Polgara demon. I thought I'd help. But now I see you're not hunting demons, you're socializing with them. *Again.* I thought you were supposed to be k*lling these things not buying them drinks? By this point he's become the center of attention. Buffy: (sarcastic) Oh, that's smooth, officer Riley. They teach you those undercover moves in special forces? Riley: I'm serious, Buffy. What are you doing here? Willy: Just cooling her dogs, like the rest of us. Why don't you sit down. Relax. Riley: (ignores him) I want you to tell me. Who are you? (seething) Really? Buffy glares at him, becoming a little pissed herself. Willy: No kidding. Why don't I get you some chicken fingers, on the house. Riley: (to Willy) Hey, you think you can shut up? Willy: Look, I'm just saying-- Riley: I said shut up! Or maybe you would like to go back to the lab with me. I'm sure the coats would love to classify a . . . whatever you are. Buffy: Leave him alone, Riley. He's human. Riley: So he's human. She looks at his arms. Buffy: You're shaking. Riley: (looking at Buffy) He just harbors demons. Which makes him a good guy like you? (grabs her roughly by the shoulders) The truth, Buffy. Now! Buffy: You have the truth. You are just too screwed up because of what happened to Professor Walsh to see it. (raises voice) Now let go of me! (knocks his hands off her shoulders) A middle-age looking woman gets up from the bar and walks quickly towards the door. Riley spots her over his shoulder. Riley: Hold it! You! She stops in her tracks as he draws his Barretta and aims it at her. The g*n is trembling in his hand. Riley: No leaving until I say so. Got it? Willy: Hey. We got new rules here. No k*lling. Riley: (looking over his shoulder) Right! Except the rules don't seem to apply much these days. Do they? The woman is now facing Riley and looks terrified. Riley's breathing is becoming heavier and his shaking is getting worse. Riley: (to the woman) Like if I sh*t you right now, I don't know if I'd have a corpse on my hands or one pissed off vampire. Buffy: Riley-- Riley: (to Buffy) I mean, who do you believe? First it sounds like lies. Then it sounds like truth. Looks at the woman. She's starting to whimper. Buffy: Riley. . . He glances at Buffy and seems to realize what he's doing. He suddenly turns to the bar, sweeping his g*n across the surface smashing several glasses. The woman flees. Buffy slowly approaches him. Concerned. He has his hands pressed to the bar as he leans against it, shaking uncontrollably. Riley: What's happening to me? ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Three ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Xander's basement. It seems to be night. Riley is sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. He's no longer wearing his commando vest, g*n, nor his boots. Buffy brings him a blanket and drapes it around his shoulders as she sits down next to him. He looks up and pushes the blanket off. He's still sweating and shaking. Buffy rubs a soothing hand on his back. Buffy: (soft voice) Riley, why don't you lie down? You'll be more comfortable. She sees him furiously scratching the back of his right hand. He's broken the surface and there's a patch of red on his skin. She grabs his hands. Buffy: Stop it. Riley: (shaky voice) I can't. It's like . . . something's growing inside. He starts scratching and she takes his hand again. Buffy: No. You're hurting yourself. C'mere. (she reaches up and pulls off the red scarf she had wrapped around her hair) Okay, shh. (gently wraps it around his hand) Riley: I thought I knew . . . but I don't. I don't know anything. Buffy: (soothingly) Shh. You're sick. Once you get some rest-- Riley: No. Buffy. I don't know . . . anything. I don't know which team I'm on. Who the bad guys are. (looks into her eyes) Maybe I'm the bad guy. Maybe I'm the thing you should k*ll. Buffy: No. Don't you even think that. (puts a hand on his cheek) Okay, listen to me. You're sick. You just need to get some sleep. Please. Lie down for me. Come on. He pushes himself onto the bed and lays his head on the pillow. He curls his arms and legs in close as if cold and continues to shiver. Buffy walks around to the side and leans down to caress his cheek. Buffy: (quietly) You're gonna be okay. His eyes are closed and he seems to calm down a little. Buffy turns and steps through the draped blankets to the other side of the basement. Giles, Xander, and Anya are there researching. Giles is bringing a box of old books they haven't looked through to the others. Giles: How is he? Buffy: This isn't just grief making him act this way. Something's effecting him physically and it's getting worse. Anya: You think Professor Walsh did something to him? Buffy: I don't know, but I'm ready to find out. Xander: That's gonna be tough, what with Maggie's deadness and all. Buffy: She must have kept records somewhere. A-about Riley, about 314, about all of it. And I'm sure she wasn't the only person that knew what she was up to. Xander: So what's the plan? Buffy: Giles, Anya, keep researching. Xander, you and I are going undercover. Anya: Hey! (steps closer to Xander) Remember before? No Xander! Not in a "boyfriend" way or a "lead him to a certain death" way. Buffy: He's the only one with military experience. Anya: It's not like he was in the 'Nam. He was GI Joe for one night. Xander: It's okay, Anya. I've backed up Buffy before. Anya: (concerned) Can't you do something else to help them? Like Xerox handouts or something? Xander: I'll be careful. (puts his hands on her shoulders) Promise. She concedes but is not happy about it and Xander goes to get ready. Giles stands up from the box of books he was going through and faces Buffy. Giles: It's a minor point but how do you plan to get in to the Initiative? I'm sure their security system's almost impenetrable. Buffy: I have my clearance. I'm hoping she didn't have time to revoke it. Giles: Okay. Well as for the whereabouts of this Polgara demon, I'm afraid we've . . we've not turned up much. There've been no reports since its original capture. Buffy: Then we'll just have to keep looking. Cut to Tara's room. There is a bundle of string shaped into a square on the floor with four different color crystals weighing down each corner. Willow and Tara are sitting on either side of the square. Willow is grounding something in a small bowl. Tara: So . . the square is Sunnydale? Willow: Right. It's like a map. We both take different parts of the potion and when we do the incantation we both blow it onto the square at the exact same time. Tara: But how does it work? Willow: Well that's the cool part. When the potion mixes and Thespia's called it creates this mist over the parts where the demons are. I-It even makes different colors for different breeds. Tara: Wow. Willow: You ready? Tara nods. Willow pours some of the powdered contents of the bowl into Tara's palm, then pours some into her own hand from a second bowl. Willow: Let's do it. She closes her eyes and Tara does the same. Tara: Thespia, we walk in shadow. Walk in blindness. You are the protector of the night. Willow: Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you . . . open a window to the world of the underbeing. Willow blows the powder out of her hand over the square. Tara blows over her hand, not disturbing her powder, and leans toward her bed to dump the potion underneath it. Willow still has her eyes closed and did not see this. Willow: With your knowledge may we go in safety. With your grace may we speak of your benevolence. Willow opens her eyes and looks down at the square, where nothing is happening. She frowns. Willow: Or not. She looks at Tara. Tara gives her a disappointed look. Cut to Lowell House. Buffy and Xander are quietly walking through the deserted lobby. Xander is wearing military garb similar to that of the Initiative commandos. He even has a g*n belt with a sidearm in the holster (don't know if it's a real g*n). Buffy is wearing a turtle-neck sweater, wire-rimmed glasses (got them from Giles?), and has her hair pulled back in a small bun. She is carrying a white lab coat wrapped around a clipboard. Xander: Seems pretty quite. Buffy: It usually is this time of-- A young man suddenly brushes past her but doesn't even act as if he notices them and continues on. Buffy and Xander continue into the central hallway of the building and Buffy pushes the hidden switch in the wall next to the floor to ceiling mirror and stands in front of it. Xander: (stepping up next to her) Buff, maybe you should check the look later. Buffy: Shh! (she shoves him away none too gently) Xander: Oww! (surprised and a little hurt) What'd you do that for? Buffy: Sorry. I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan. Xander: The re-- eww! I don't wanna see that. Buffy: (glares) *Retinal* scan, Xander. (looks into the mirror again) Well, we'll know in a few seconds if my clearance is still good. A horizontal green light emits from the mirror and slides down over her body. Xander: Or if we're about to die at the hands of fifty grief-filled military g*ons. Female computer voice: Retinal scan recorded. Summers. Buffy. The mirror slides to the side and Buffy steps into the very white elevator. Xander follows her. Xander: Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of the man-sized microwave? Cut to Initiative. The elevator door slides open and Buffy is now wearing the lab coat and she and Xander step out onto the catwalk overlooking the huge hangar of the Initiative complex. His eyes widen as he gapes. Xander: (awed) Holy moly! Buffy: I know. Xander: I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley, too? Buffy glares at him but he's still staring and doesn't see it. She takes his arm and leads him towards the stairs. When they descend to the first landing they see a couple of commandos climbing the stairs towards them. Xander turns to Buffy and pulls her close to him. Xander: (whispers) Quick pretend to make out with me! Buffy: (whispers) What!? What are you talking about? (pushes away) Xander: (whispers) Well, I, uh, you know, in the movies, the guy and the girl have to hide. They pretend to be looking at her clipboard as the commandos pass them and continue up the stairs. Buffy: (whispers) Please! Could you possibly draw more attention to us? When the commandos are gone, they continue down to stairs. Buffy: (whispers) This is the Initiative, Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other. Xander: (whispers) Well maybe that's what's wrong with the world. Ever think about that? Back at Xander's basement. Riley is still in bed and is sleeping. Cut to the other side of the basement. Willow is pacing. Anya is sitting in a large beanbag, looking through a book, and Giles is fixing tea on the washing machine. Willow: It totally failed. It wasn't even like the spell went wrong. It just . . . wouldn't. Giles: If it's any consolation, we haven't fared much better here. Willow: Really. Is Riley okay? Giles: Well, h-he's asleep. Finally. But he doesn't look good. (hands Anya a cup) And the, uh, research is troubling as well. I mean, this-this demon we're after seems highly atypical for a Polgara. This child that it k*lled . . was mutilated. There's no recorded cases of a Polgara ever having done such a thing. Anya: (fidgeting with the string of her tea bag) Also the Polgara have to eat every two hours. Factor in the low IQ and you have a demon who's not exactly low profile. Willow: So how has he been hiding out in Sunnydale for the last two days without anyone seeing him? Giles: Exactly. Willow pushes aside the blanket to check on Riley. She finds him standing just a foot in front of her. His eyes look a little sunken. Willow: (surprised) Riley. Riley: (agitated) Where's Buffy? Willow: She went out. Can-can I get you something? He sits on the bed to pull on his boots. Riley: Just tell me where she is. Giles: You're not well, Riley. Y-you need to rest. Riley: Did she find the Polgara? (stands, rubbing his arm as if cold) Huh? Is that it? Giles: Well, no, we're still looking. But-- Riley: But what? Willow: She went to find out what's making you sick. Riley: (sharply) I'm not sick! (more agitated) You're telling me she went to the Initiative?! Willow: Riley, she's just trying to help you. Riley: (crosses the basement to grab his gear) She doesn't belong there. Willow hurries to stand in front of the stairs to block his way. Willow: Riley, listen-- Riley: Stand away from the stairs. Willow: No! You're gonna get Buffy k*lled-- He shoves her hard to the ground. Giles: Hey! He and Anya rush to Willow as Riley dashes up the stairs. Giles: You all right? Willow is shakened but doesn't seemed to be hurt. As they help her we-- Cut to Initiative. Buffy and Xander are rounding a corner when they hear someone coming from down the corridor. Angleman: How many of the men are still out? They return to the corner and try to look inconspicuous as Dr. Angleman enters the corridor with another scientist. They eavesdrop. Angleman: The longer they go without their meds . . . Scientist #1: Everyone's off their schedules because of the professor's death. Angleman: It's dangerous. I don't want to think about the damage our guys could do under the stress of withdrawal. Especially since they won't understand what's happening to them. These guys don't know they've been getting meds in their food, so we better get them in here STAT. Scientist #1: We've located all but a few. The last ones were in pretty bad shape but we s*ab them. Angleman: But Finn wasn't one of them, right? Scientist #1: No. Angleman: Find him. He's the one I care about. He's too important to the work to lose now. Scientist #1: Indeed. Cut to Willy's Place. Spike walks in through the beaded curtains and heads to the bar. Spike: Double-sh*t of O-neg, 'keep. And make it the good stuff. I don't want no freaking orangutan. (puts a few dollars on the bar) Willy: Got ya. Willy grabs a sh*t glass and a bottle of thick, red liquid. Spike: (as drink is being poured) Been a pisser of a day, isn't it? Those army blokes are on a tear. They ran me outta my place. And all over town. Willy moves on and before Spike can take a drink, a large demon hand falls on his shoulder. Spike: Yeah, what's that? Spike turns his head to look at the demon. Spike's POV: the demon raises his other clawed hand in a closed fist and punches the camera out. (fade out) Back to the Initiative. Buffy and Xander are still eavesdropping on Angleman. Angleman: Keep me posted. I'll be in records He walks away and the other scientist heads in the other direction. Buffy keeps her back turned as Angleman passes behind her to a door at the end of the hall. He slips a keycard through an electronic lock and steps through the door. It's swinging close behind him but Buffy shoves the clipboard inside before it can and walks in. She hands the clipboard to Xander and marches up behind Angleman who is unaware until she spins him around to face her and shoves him against a counter, getting a fistful of his shirt. Buffy: (pissed) Now I don't generally like to k*ll humans, but I've learned that it pays to be flexible in life. Angleman: I was wondering when you'd turn up. Buffy: (mock disappointment) Oh darn! (takes off her glasses) So this isn't a surprise? Now you can tell me what you did to Riley and after that we can take a tour of room 314. Angleman: Somebody's coming, you know? I'm sure they've already seen you on the security monitors. Riley: (stepping from around a the corner) Monitors are non-functional at this time, sir. Went down about ten minutes ago. Buffy: (looks to Xander) What? I didn't do that. Xander: Thank god for small favors and we'll worry about details later, huh, Buff? Angleman: Finn take this girl to the stockade immediately. Buffy: Riley, he can tell us what we need to know. (to Angleman) Maggie wanted me d*ad, didn't she? Angleman: (a b*at) She did. (to Riley) But understand the Initiative has no interest in eliminating the Slayer. It was her own vendetta. Buffy: Why? Spell it out for me. I feel an att*ck of "dumb blonde" coming on. Angleman: I don't know. Buffy: (jerks him closer) Well. Think. Harder. Angleman: It was . . . the project. Buffy: Project? 314. Angleman: It . . . Glances at Riley who is paying close attention. Angleman: (to Buffy) It escaped. Riley: (stepping closer) That's enough! You're making her sound like some psychopath. She wasn't like that! She was a brilliant woman! Angleman: She was. I--it's not-- Riley: (angry) All she was doing was trying to help people . . . and this is the way you want them to remember her?! Buffy: (to Riley) Angleman said Walsh was feeding you drugs. Riley: You're doing this to me, aren't you? He advances on her and Buffy lets go of Angleman to face him. Angleman starts slinking away towards a nearby door. Riley: (glaring) This all started because of you! Buffy: Look, if you will just listen to me, okay? I am trying to help you get to the truth. Riley: You want truth? Then tell me . . . (grabs her arm) what did you do to her, Buffy? Buffy: (breaks the hold) Stop it! I didn't do anything! Riley tries to grab her again and she has to push him back. Buffy: Riley, stop! This isn't about us! Everything that we need to know is here. We just need to find out what was in 314. A commando's body suddenly drops to the floor behind them. They all turn and look up. On a catwalk Adam is looking down at them. ADAM: Me. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Four ~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Exactly how we left everything. Adam starts to pace across the catwalk. ADAM: I've been thinking about the world. I wanted to see it. Learn it. I saw the inside of that boy and it was beautiful. But it didn't tell me about the world. It just made me feel. So now . . . I want to learn about me. Why I feel? What I am? He stops pacing and turns to face them. He takes a step forward and drops to the floor, landing on his feet. He's looking at Riley. ADAM: So I came home. He pulls out a computer disk from the cargo pocket of his camouflage pants. Its labeled "ADAM" and he slides it into the drive slot of the metal plate on his chest. The disk loads itself with a soft whirring. ADAM: (pacing again) I'm a kinematically redundant, biomechanical demonoid. Designed by Maggie Walsh. She called me Adam and I called her mother. Angleman: Adam. Maggie would want you to stand down. ADAM: (looks at him) Yes. But I seem to have a design flaw. Angleman looks as if he's ready to bolt. Buffy has a "Oh, shit" look on her face. ADAM: (pacing) In addition to organic material, I'm equipped with GP-2/D-11 Infrared Detectors. A Harmonic Decelerator, plus DC Servo. Buffy: She pieced you together from parts of other demons. Adam looks down at his green Polgara arm, and his dark tan demon right arm, which is plated with metal on the forearm and shoulder. ADAM: And man. And machine. Which tells me what I am . . but not who I am. Mother wrote things down. Hard data, but also her feelings. That's how I learned that I have a job here. And that she loved me. Riley: She wasn't your mother! And she didn't love you! Xander: (not taking eyes off Adam) Is that really the issue? Riley: She made you because she was a scientist! Xander: (warningly) Rileeey. ADAM: Riley Finn. He pulls out another disk, this one labeled "FINN," and loads it into his chest. Riley: Stop! Those files-- ADAM: Oh! Mother created you, too. Riley: Maggie is not my mother! (to Buffy) I have a mother! A real-- ADAM: A birth mother. Yes. But after you met Maggie, she was the one who shaped your basic operating system. She taught you how to think. How to feel. She fed you chemicals to make you stronger. Your mind and body. She said that you and I were her favorite children. Her art. That makes us brothers. Family. Riley: No! (taking a step forward) I'm not like you! ADAM: That's pain, isn't it? Why? Because your feeding schedule --the chemicals-- have been interrupted? Or do you miss her? Tell me. Riley: I'll k*ll you! ADAM: (calmly) You won't. You haven't been programmed to. Riley: I cannot be programmed! I'm a man! ADAM: It's here. He's pulled out another disk and his holding it up for Riley to see. ADAM: The plan she had for us. What happens. How it ends. Riley: (quietly) No. ADAM: Do you want to hear? Riley: No! Riley draws his Barretta and aims it at Adam. Before he can pull the trigger, Adam grabs his arm and forces him to drop it. Buffy rushes forward and Adam backhands her in the face, sending her to the floor. Riley frees himself and punches Adam across the metal side of his face. Adam, unfazed, hits him with an uppercut that sends him flying high across the room over a middle work table. He hits the floor in a tumble, stunned. Xander rushes forward but Adam just shoves him back against the wall and he goes down. Buffy is on her feet and sends a powerful roundkick to Adam's chest. Adam just looks at her and smashes a fist across her face. She retaliates with a punch to his midsection. Adam responds by slamming the same fist down on her shoulder this time driving her to the floor. Angleman decides it's time to get the hell out of there and runs past Adam, heading for the door. Adam sees him and his Polgara skewer juts out of his arm. ADAM: Doctor. Adam steps forward and plunges the skewer into Angleman's back. He gasps and shudders in pain for a few seconds then falls to the floor, sliding off the spear. Riley runs up behind Adam and jumps on his back, wrapping an arm around his neck. Adam just turns on him and s*ab him in the left side of his abdomen. Riley falls back, hitting the metal railing of the stairs, and drops to the floor clutching his side. Buffy gets to her feet and slams a side kick into Adam's back, this time making him stumble. He quickly turns and she ducks a slash aimed at her head. He grabs her around the neck with his other hand and shoves her to the floor. Cut to the door. Graham and Forrest can be seen through the small wired-glass window. They are pounding on the door, trying to get in. Adam grabs Buffy again, lifting her off the floor, and throws her against the wall. She hits hard and falls, unmoving. Adam just stands and looks down at his fallen opponents. There are now more commandos outside the door, trying to break through. ADAM: Thank you. This has been . . . very interesting. He walks to the stairs and heads back up to the catwalk. Riley is lying against the wall, in pain and Buffy, nearby, is starting to move again. Commando: (OS) Back away from the door! Finally, one of the commandos figured out that one of the very big g*n their holding would be very helpful right now, and sends a circle of sh*ts through the metal door around the handle. Adam walks under an airvent and reaches for the grated cover. Buffy moves to Riley's side. Buffy: Riley. Are you okay? The door gives way and two commandos rush in, g*n ready. Forrest and Graham are right behind them and another half dozen commandos follow. They see Angleman's body as they walk inside. Commando: (OS) Secure the room! Go! Go! Xander: (still on the floor) We got a demon in here. It escaped through that vent. Buffy: It's not the Polgara. It looks sort of half man. Forrest: Right! And you just happened to be in the neighborhood. Riley: (painfilled) She's telling the truth. I saw it. It k*lled Angleman. Go. Now! Commando: Yes, sir. Several commandos rush up the stairs to the vent. Forrest steps closer to Riley. Buffy: He needs to go to a hospital. Forrest: We'll take it from here. Buffy: I'm going with him. Forrest: It's a military hospital. Buffy: No. Forrest kneels beside Riley. Forrest: Back off! We take care of our own around here, understand? Two of the commandos standing next to Graham aim their r*fles at Buffy. Xander, not liking where this is going, moves closer to her and reaches a hand down to her. Xander: (concerned) Buffy. Forrest motions Graham forward and Buffy has to move as he and Forrest lift Riley to his feet. Forrest: (to commandos) Escort them out. Riley looks back at Buffy. Riley: (weakly) Buffy Buffy can only stand and watch them take him away and tears start to fill her eyes. And we cut to-- The door of Willy's Place swings open and Spike is ejected, tumbling into the alley in a broken, bloody mess. As he lies on his back, a large bad-ass demon walks out and stands over him. Bad-ass Demon: What did you expect, Spike? A welcome party? Quick sh*t of two more mean looking demons standing in the doorway. Bad-ass Demon: Word's out: you've been making w*r on the demon world. Spike: (dazed) w*r? Bad-ass Demon: With the Slayer! You k*ll other demons and the rest of us don't hold with that. The other two demons, growling, duck back inside where the jukebox can be heard playing loudly. Bad-ass Demon: Still . . . if I see you around here again, *I'll* be inclined to break that code. Do you understand? Spike doesn't, or can't, say anything and the demon turns and walks back inside. Leaving Spike alone. Cut to UC Sunnydale. Next day. Willow and Buffy are outside, walking across campus. Willow: No word from Riley? Buffy: Nothing. The Initiative probably has him locked in some medical ward. There's no way I can get near him until I come up with a better plan than just storming in and getting us all sh*t. Willow: Yeah, you might want to work the kinks out of that one. Buffy: What am I going to do? He needs me and I can't get near him. Willow: You'll find a way. Buffy: It's not like I can spend all of my energy going after the Initiative. Not while Adam's out there. Willow: He's really that big of a thr*at? They move to the side of the walkway and sit down on a wooden bench. Buffy: (sighs) I could barely fight him. I-it was like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast. He gave the commando guys the slip with no problem. Willow: There's gotta be a flaw. Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight. She lets herself sit back as her thoughts return to Riley. Buffy: I never should have let them take Riley. I need to be with him. Willow: I'm sure he's okay. Buffy: There's no way he can be. Everything he's ever believed in has been taken away or . . . He's alone. He has nothing to hold on to. Dissolve to the corridors of the Initiative. Commandos and Scientists are going about business as usual. One commando is standing guard at a closed door. Dissolve to interior and the camera pans across the medical room where we see Riley lying on a bed. his abdomen is wrapped heavily in bandages, a small red stain over his wound. He's still sweating a little but no longer seems agitated. He's staring at the wall. He lifts his right hand and looks at Buffy's scarf still wrapped around his hand.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x14 - Goodbye Iowa"}

foreverdreaming

Faith beating up a vampire. Faith: I'm Faith. Giles (VO): Previously on Buffy The Vampire Slayer... Mayor's Office. Mayor: Open your present. Faith: (Opens it, takes out Kn*fe) This is a thing of beauty, boss. Mayor: That look on your face is my reward. Giles: (VO)We have a rogue Slayer on our hands. I can't think of anything more dangerous. Buffy fighting Faith on a rooftop. Buffy punches her then plunges a Kn*fe into her gut. sh*t of truck below. Faith falls onto it. Cut to: Hospital. Faith in a bed looking ill. Mayor next to her bed. Doctor: It's a wonder she's alive at all with the blood loss. There's virtually no chance that she'll ever regain consciousness. Buffy fighting in a room. Riley: You're really strong. I like it. Walsh standing next to Adam on a bed. Walsh: I've worked too long... too long to let some little bitch thr*at this project. Giles' apartment. Giles talking to Buffy. Giles: Maggie Walsh...set you up? Cut to Buffy in a dark room. Buffy (VO): Maggie wanted me d*ad didn't she? Buffy tries blaster. Doesn't work. Door slams behind her. Cut to Adam's room. Walsh being skewered from behind by Adam. Walsh: Adam... Walsh slumps to ground. Adam: Mommy. Initiative. Riley to Forrest. Riley: Why does it bug you so much that I'm hanging with her? Forrest: It bugs me that she's using you to infiltrate our operation. Riley: You saying she's a spy? Cut to Riley, shaking and looking ill. Riley: I don't know what's going on...who the bad guys are... Cut to Riley and Buffy fighting Adam. Riley is injured by it. Forrest picks him up. Forrest: Escort them out. Carries Riley off. Riley: Buffy... Buffy watches him being taken away. Screen fades to white. Faith and Buffy making a bed. Folding clean sheet. Buffy: They smell good don't they? Faith: What? Buffy: Clean sheets. Like summer. Faith: I wouldn't know. Buffy: Right. I forgot. Faith: I noticed. Buffy: I wish I could stay, but... Faith: Oh, you have to go. Buffy: That's just what... Faith: Little sis coming. I know. Buffy: So much to do before she gets here. They walk around to end of bed. Buffy: Now I really have to... Faith: So go. Don't let me keep. Blood drips from Faith onto bed. Fait: Damn. Just when we'd made it so nice. (They look at Kn*fe in Faith's gut) Are you ever gonna take this thing out? Lingering sh*t of Kn*fe. Buffy rips it out. Faith flinches. Cut to hospital monitors showing heart b*at etc. Across to Faith lying in a bed. Still asleep. Lighting strikes. Credits begins. Xander's basement. Xander looking at blaster. Xander: So, here it is. The latest in state-of-the-art combat technology. I gotta say, it doesn't look that complicated. Buffy: So can you repair it? Xander: Sure. As soon as I get my master's degree in advanced starship technology. (Slams down blaster.) Willow: Well, why don't we experiment? Press some buttons, see what happens. Giles: I'd like to veto that. Xander: Second. It's called a blaster, Will, a word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now, if it were called the Orgazmater, I'd be the first to try your basic button press approach. Buffy: Just tell me. Can you repair it or not? Xander: I'm working on it, I'm working on it. (Continues to work on it) I blow a whole in my mom's exterior patch then the neighbours will not be pleased. Buffy sits down with face in her hand. Giles: Are you alright? (Goes to sit next to her) You've been patrolling round the clock for three days straight now. I thought you could use some... Buffy: What? Some rest? There's a demonoid k*lling machine out there Giles, it doesn't only work the night shift. Giles: I was going to say perhaps you could use some backup, but um...now you mention it, building up your strength may not be a bad idea. Buffy: Just get the blaster working. That's all the strength I need. Willow: Are you sure? Buffy: Why? Because ray g*n aren't in the Slayer handbook? Well, you haven't seen this Adam thing. He's the Terminator without the bashful charm. He's deadly, and the last time we met, he kicked my ass. Willow: Oh no, blast away, by all means. I only meant...no word about Riley? Comes and sits with Buffy. Buffy: They keep telling me that he's fine. That's all they'll say. Willow: Maybe they're telling the truth. Buffy: Maybe. I don't even know what the Initiative's version of "fine" is. I mean, they could be forcing him back onto medication or torturing him for all I know. Giles: From what we've seen, I doubt they'll be trying to hurt him. Buffy: The only thing I know for certain is that my boyfriend is locked away and I'm not helping. Lots of sparks come out of blaster. Xander recoils. Willow: Maybe Giles has a point. I mean, Riley is their top g*n guy. Doesn't make sense that they'd hurt him. Buffy: All I know is that the Initiative has all those brain-washy, behaviour modification guys. Willow: So? Buffy: So what happens when they start not liking his behaviour? Cut to Initiative infirmary. Riley's hand reaches for piece of Buffy's bandana. Gets out of bed, grunts in pain. Pulls a shirt on. Starts to walk out of the room. Guard comes towards him. Riley: Stand down, soldier. (No response) Stand down before I put you down. Forrest comes over. Forrest: (To guard) You heard the man. At ease. Looks at Riley. Riley returns the look, then starts to walk away. Forrest: The shish kebab that walks like a man. Looks like you're feeling better. Walking around, thr*at people and all that. Riley: He was in my way. I got places to be. Forrest: Really. And where were you thinking of going? Riley: You know where I'm going. Forrest: (Sighs) Don't even tell me you're headed to that girlfriend of yours. (Gets in Riley's way) Look at you. One good injury and you're back in intensive care to stay. Riley: You wouldn't understand. Forrest: How about you explain it to me then? Guard comes up behind them. Guard: We all friends here fellows? Forrest: Absolutely. Riley here was about to explain why he's leaving us so very quickly. Riley: I don't explain. Because I don't have to. I'm the one in charge. Forrest: Things change. Riley: Do they? Forrest: Hey! In case you failed to notice, we're in a world of hurt around here. Now's the time for us to band together, not go flying off our separate ways. Guard: Forrest has a point, Riley. Forrest: We have a problem, we deal with that problem. You know, the most important part of the equation now is that we keep said problem within the family. Riley: Family? Is that what we are? Step aside. Forrest stares him down. Cut to Faith's hospital bed. Slowly moving towards her from high above. Quick flash of sun above trees. Back to bed. Continue to move towards her. Then longer sh*t of trees, moving camera down the ground. Cut back to bed, now quite close to her. Further sh*t of trees, then goes black. Close up of her face in the bed. Faith (VO): Think it's gonna rain? Cut to Faith and Mayor having a picnic in the park. Mayor: Nonsense. It's a beautiful day. Now eat your sandwich. Faith: I dunno. It just always seems like it starts raining about now. Mayor: You're too young and too pretty a girl to start wearing worry lines on your face. (Picks worm off blanket) Hey there, little fella. I dunno where you belong, butit's not here with us. (Chuckles) There you go. (Puts the worm back in the soil. Talks to Faith again) Y'see, there's nothing gonna spoil our time together. Who wants cheese cake? (Chuckles) Faith looks down and smiles, then suddenly looks up behind the Mayor. Faith: NO! Buffy comes up behind the Mayor. Runs him through with Faith's Kn*fe. Buffy: (To Faith) I told you I had things to do. Faith looks terrified and crawls away. Cut to her lying in bed again. Zoom in further. Cut to Scooby g*ng looking for Adam at night. Willow: Spread out. Buffy: Not too far. Xander: So not a problem. Buffy walks around a tree. Shines torch upwards and sees horribly mutilated body in the tree. Rest of group see it. Cut to basement. Buffy: I've never seen anything like that. Xander: And I can go a long healthy stretch without seeing anything like that again. Willow: It had to be Adam who k*lled it, but why? Buffy: He's studying biology. Human, demon, whoever he can get his hands on and take apart. Willow: He's finding out what makes things work. Xander: I really don't want to be around for the final exam. Buffy: It's not coming to that. The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it. But we will. Xander: Question: Will hiding in a cavern with stockpiled chocolate goods be any part of this plan? Buffy: No. Xander sits next to Willow. Xander: (To Willow) Told you. Willow: What's first? Buffy: Riley. I'm not leaving him down there with the people that created this thing. I don't care how many g*n they have, I'm going in. Okay. Will, I need you to hack into their security mainframe and buy me a ten minute shut down of operation systems. Willow: That could be... Buffy: Tricky. Not impossible. If you can't do it online, then use magic. Xander, any gear you've been saving for a rainy day, I want you to give to me. Xander: You want stealth stuff? Buffy: No, we tried sneaking in. This time, we're gonna use force. I figure I'll go in through the elevator shaft, use the cable as towlines. Then blast open the facility doors and find the infirmary. Riley: Am I really worth all that? Buffy: (Spins around) Riley! (Hugs him. He flinches) Oh God, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you? Riley: No, a giant skewer through the rib cage hurt me. That was just a reminder. Buffy: How did you get out? Riley: I walked. Willow: They didn't try to stop you? Riley: Oh, they did. Repeatedly. But then I told them they couldn't keep me without a major ass-kicking, one way or another. So here I am. Xander: That's...great...Riley, and y'know...there's no polite way to ask you this, but...uh...did they put a chip in your brain? (Looks at his head) Riley: Beg your pardon? Buffy: Forget it. We're just happy to have you back. Willow: Yeah, we were pretty worried about you for a while, mister. Riley: Me too. Hey, I know my behaviouir was pretty out there... Willow: Forget it. Tell you what, you two crazy kids take down a k*ller cyber demon hybrid thingy and we'll call it all even. Riley: Taking down Adam's gonna be tough. There's no way to predict what he'll throw at us. Buffy: You're here. Whatever comes, we can handle. Cut to dark street. Fait running down it looking very afraid. Buffy walking after her. Faith runs through a graveyard. Cut back to Faith asleep in hospital. Cutto graveyard. Noises all around Faith. Buffy getting closer wielding Faith's Kn*fe. Cut to Faith asleep, zoom closer to her face. Cut to Buffy still walking after Faith, then to her asleep, then to Faith running through the graveyard and falling into an open grave. Buffy comes up to it and looks down at her. Buffy falls away and the screen fades the black. sh*t of the ground near the grave, then Faith claws her way out of the hole and looks up into the stormy sky. Cut back to hospital bed. Faith's eyes snap open. Fade to Commercial Break. Faith lying awake listening to hospital noises. Looks at monitors, then at tube in her hand. Lifts hand up and clenches it into a fight fist. Far sh*t of bed. Faith throws the covers aside, rips out the monitor cable and leaves. She is pulled back by tube in her hand. Faith: (Yanks it out) Owch. Faith walks down the corridor. Woman comes up to her. Woman: Excuse me. You know how to get to third floor west? Faith: What? Woman: I see...you need some help or something? Faith: Graduation. Woman: What? Faith: Graduation. I gotta get to Sunnydale High School graduation NOW. Woman: Well, you can't. I mean, Sunnydale High School isn't even there anymore. Faith: What day is it? Woman: Friday. Faith: What date? The date. Woman: February 25th. Faith: What year? Woman: Maybe I should get you a nurse... Faith: What happened to the school? Woman: Don't you just wanna... Faith: Just tell me. Woman: Well, it was a tragedy really. Lots of students died. The Principal, the Mayor. I really think maybe I should get you some help. Closeup of Faith's face. Cut to Faith walking outside the hospital wearing the woman's clothes. Buffy (VO): Y'know, I never stopped thinking about you. Cut to Buffy and Riley. Riley: Me neither. All I had in there was this one little part of you. (Gives her bandana piece) Buffy: It's just the scarf part of me really. Riley: Sure it is. Just knowing you were out there...that you cared...I think we're being watched. Buffy: I dunno. Does the Initiative do that? Riley: Maybe. Buffy: You seem a little...somewhere else. Is there anything I can do? Riley: Give me an order. That's what I do isn't it? Follow orders. Buffy: You don't have to. Riley: Don't I? All my life that's what I've been groomed to do. They say jump, I ask "How high?", I get the job done. Just don't know if it's the right job anymore. Buffy: I know how you feel. Giles used to be part of this Council. And for years all they ever did was give me orders. Riley: Ever obey them? Buffy: Sure. The ones I was going to do anyway. The point is, I quit the Council. And I was scared. But it's okay now. Riley: Now, see, that's where you and I are different. I just suck at the whole gray area thing. Buffy: It's a choice. Go back in there and make some changes from the inside. Or you can quit the team, fight demons in your own way. Riley: You make it sound so simple. I don't even know what my way is. Buffy: Well, it's time to find out. Riley: I'm a soldier. I got a way, which one of them? Buffy: Good man. (They kiss. She sits in his lap, kisses him again.) Riley: What're you doing? Buffy: I am looking for brain washy chips in your head. Riley: Heh...finding any? Buffy: Not sure. But I should probably keep looking just in case. You've been strong long enough, Riley Finn. I'm here for you. And we're gonna find this demon, and we're gonna k*ll it together. And in the mean time, you are gonna stop torturing yourself. Riley: Sure about that? Buffy: It's an order. (They kiss again) Cut to hospital. Doctor talking to nurse. Police officer watching. Doctor: What do you mean she just wasn't there? Nurse: I don't know. I came to check the monitors like I always do at eight o'clock. Eight o'clock is my shift, I got here on time. Officer: You found the bed in this condition? Nurse: Haven't touched a thing. Doctor: Get the duty rosters and check the log. I wanna know exactly what happened. Coma patients do not just get up and walk away. Nurse: We are checking every room on every floor. Officer: Walk me through this one more time. You knew this woman was wanted for questioning on a series of m*rder and there's no security on this wing? Doctor: You don't understand. There's no way that girl was gonna wake up. Officer: Doctor... Doctor: This can't be happening... Nurse2 comes in. Nurse: Did you find her? Nurse: Another woman, unconscious and badly beaten. And she's been stripped. Officer, Doctor and Nurse2 leave in a hurry. Nurse goes to phone, dials a number. Nurse: (Into phone) It's happened. Send the team. Cut to Faith walking through streets, gets to window of Giles' apartment. Giles: (From inside) The problem for me seems to be why Adam ahs stayed dormant as long as he has. Willow: When he's not making performance art out of other demons, that is. Riley: He's probably working off an autonomic power source. And because he's straight out of the box, he needs to charge up a while. sh*t of Faith at window. Buffy: Okay, what's he charging up for? Xander: Based on the clues, I'll go with k*lling spree. Riley: And that's a best case scenario. I suppose a little f*re power would be a good idea right now. (Activates blaster Xander had been messing with, much to Xander's amazement) Xander: Hey! How'd you do that? Is there like an On/Off button somewhere here? Riley: Blasters are easy. Adam won't be. Willow: Since Professor Walsh designed it, any chance she left instructions lying around somewhere? (As she says this, Buffy kisses Riley and Faith reacts) Buffy: Well, if she did, they're gonna be in the Initiative. (Faith continues to stare at Buffy and Riley) Giles: Which we can't get into without mounting a major offensive. Riley: Speak for yourself. (All look at him.) I'm just saying. Giles: I must admit, a man on the inside would be... Buffy: A really good idea. Are you sure you wanna be double agent guy. Riley: I'm not exactly sure what you'd call me, but I will share information. (Faith is still looking at Riley.) It's the least I can do. Xander: Riley's right. It is the least we can do. Phone rings. Giles answers it. Giles: Hello. What? Yes, she is. (Motions to Buffy) Um...it's for you. Buffy: (Looking surprised)Hello? (Faith watches her expectantly) What sort of emergency? (Looks unhappy) No, I haven't. (Faith leaves) Thank you, I'll let you know. (Puts phone down) Giles: What is it? Buffy: It's Faith. She's awake. (All look surprised) She b*at someone up, took her clothing and disappeared out of the hospital. No-one knows where she is. Xander: I'd say this qualifies for a "Worst Timing Ever" award. Willow: What do we do? Giles: Well, we have to find her. Willow: What about Adam? Xander: I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of persuing a homicidal lunatic. Buffy: Well, Faith's not exactly low-profile girl. I'll patrol and wait for her to make a move. Giles: But then what? Willow: Oooh! I have an idea! b*at the crap out of her! Xander: Good plan. Buffy: Good on paper. But we still have a decision to make. Do we hand her over to the cops? They wouldn't know what to do with a Slayer even if they knew we existed. Willow: What about the Council? Xander: Been there. Tried that. Not unlike smothering a forest f*re with napalm as I recall. Giles: Well, the Initiative, they do have containment facilities. Xander: One word: Evil. Buffy: There's no way around it. Faith is back, and whether I like it or not, she's my responsibility. Willow: Yeah, too bad. That was out first coma ever. Buffy: We have no idea where she is. We don't know what she's thinking, what she's feeling... Xander: Who she's doing. Buffy: She could be terrified. Maybe she doesn't even remember. Or maybe she does and she's sorry and she's alone hiding somewhere. Giles: Well, perhaps there's some form of rehabiliatation we just haven't thought about. Willow: And if not, ass-kicking makes a solid plan B. Buffy: I'm not going to rule it out. First thing, we need to find her. Then we can take it from there. Riley: Who's Faith? Cut to University campus the next day. Buffy and Willow walking along. Willow: What did you tell him? Buffy: The truth? That she's my wacky identical cousin from England, and whenever she visits hi-jinks ensue? Willow: It's good you guys have such an honest relationship. Buffy: No, I told him the story. I vagued up a few bits, but no flat-out lies. Willow: That's fair. How'd you handle the Angel-y parts? Buffy: I did some editing. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything from Riley, it's just that's a longer conversation, and I had a Faith-hunt to do. Willow: Any luck? Buffy: Couldn't find her. Don't know exactly where to place that little up-continuum. Willow: At least you're not alone on this. I bet every cop in Sunnydale is out there looking for her right now. Buffy: Pressure's definitely on. I'm telling you, if I were her, I'd get outta Dodge post hasty. Faith turns from looking at the noticeboard. Faith: But you're not me. Fade to Break. Faith: So, check you out B. Nice, the big girl on campus thing's really working for you. Buffy: I've been looking for you. Faith: I've been standing still for eight months, B. How hard did you look? Buffy: Are you alright? Faith: Five-by-five. It's that thing about a coma. Wake up all rested and rejuvinated. And ready for payback. Buffy: So much for pleasantries, huh? Faith: What did you think, I'd wake up and we'd go for tea? You tried to gut me, bonny. Buffy; You'd have done the same to me if you'd had the chance. Faith: Lets have another go at it. See who ends on top. Buffy: It doesn't have to be like this, y'know. Faith: Actually, I think it has to be exactly like this. Buffy: Faith, these are innocent people. Faith: No such animal. Buffy: I guess it was too much to hope that you'd use your downtime to reflect and grow. Faith: I could say the same about you. I mean, you're still the same better-than-thou Buffy. I mean, I knew it somehow. I kept having this dream, I'm not sure what it means, but in the dream the self-righteous blond chick s*ab me, and you wanna know why? sh*t of Willow taking her backpack off her shoulders. Buffy: You had it coming. Faith: That's one interpretation, but in my dream, she does it for a guy. Willow comes towards Faith from behind her, wielding the bag. Faith: (To Willow) Try it red, and you'll lose an arm. (Back to Buffy) I wake up to find the blond chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about before. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beefstick she meets. Not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, but she's forgotten about the chick she nearly k*lled for him. So that's my dream. That and some stuff about cigars and a tunnel. But tell me, college girl, what does it mean? Buffy: To me? Mostly, that you still mouth off about things you don't understand. (Sirens) Uh-oh. I guess somebody knows you're here. Faith punches Buffy around the face. They fight as the Police approach. Willow att*cks Faith from behind, she turns and is grabbed by Buffy. She breaks free. Faith: You took my life, B. Payback's a bitch. Willow: Look who's talking. Faith: See you around. Faith runs off, throws a police officer aside, runs over their car and runs over a field pushing people aside with Buffy in pursuit. Faith leaps over a wall. Buffy looks over it to find Faith has disappeared. Cut to a staircase at University. Willow and Tara going down them. Willow: Thanks for ocming with. Hunting for a psychopathic superbitch is definitely in the above and beyond category. Tara: It's okay, really. So, what do we do if we find her? Willow: Run, flee, maybe skedadlle. We're not here to engage. This is strictly recon. Tara smiles. Willow: What? Tara: You said "recon". You're like "Cool Monster Fighter"! Willow: Well, technically, Faith isn't a monster. And as far as fighting, I'd be lucky to bruise her fist with my face. Tara: Oh. Willow: What? Tara: Face-punching, I'm not so good with the whole..(Imitates throwing punches rather badly) Willow: Swimming? Tara: v*olence. Willow: Don't worry, we're sure to spot Faith first. She's liek this cleavagy slut-b*mb walking around "Ooh, check me out, I'm wicked-cool, I'm five-by-five." Tara: Five-by-five? Five what by five what? Willow: See, that's the thing. No-one knows. Buffy can handle Faith and you're plenty safe with me. Tara: So, um...we recon till nightfall? Willow: Then the ritual hiding begins. Cut to Xander and Giles in the streets looking for Faith. Xander: The point being I could be the target here. Faith finds Mr. Xander Harri still in town, she goes tighter than cat gut. Got a lotta pent up feelings there. I'm only saying. Giles: (Wearily) Yes, I'm sure. Xander: See, I can't be held responsible for the effect I have on women. Giles: No... Xander: See, Faith and I have this little thing between us called history... Rattling. They look around. Xander charges the blaster. They go towards the sound. Spike comes out of the darkness. Xander: Spike? Giles: What are you doing here? Spike: Me? Hey, I'm not the one out of place here. Xander: For your information, smarty, we've got a rogue Slayer on our hands. Real psycho-k*ller too. Spike: Sounds serious. Giles: It is. What do you know? Spike: What do you need? Xander: Her. Dark hair. Yay (Indicates) tall, name of Faith, criminally insane. Giles: Have you seen her? Spike: Is this bird after you? Xander: In a bad way, yeah. Spike: Tell you what I'll do then. I'll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where you are and then watch as she kills you. (Sees their looks of surprise and irriatation.) Can't any one of your damn little Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all? Just because I can't do the damage myself doesn't stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way. And here I thought the evening be dull. Xander: Go ahead. You wouldn't even recognise her. Spike: Dark hair, this tall (Indicates), anme of Faith, criminally insane. Like this girl already. Xander and Giles watch him leave. Xander: We're dumb. Cut to another new woman watching Police helicopters flying around. Pan around. Faith is walking around the streets. About to go into a shop selling blades. See a police car coming around the corner. She ducks into a corner. Some kind of monster comes up to her. Monster: Faith! Your friend sent me. I got a little rememberance from him. She beats the monster up and takes the case from him. Then another police car comes around the corner. She goes quickly up a ladder, dodging his searchlight. Once up the ladder she opens the case. Mayor: Hello Faith. If you're watching this tape, it can only mean one thing. I'm d*ad. And our noble campaign to bring order to the town of Sunnydale has failed. Utterly and completely. But on the other hand, heck, maybe we won. And right now, I'm on some jumbo monder in the Richard Wilkins surrounded by a bunch of kids sitting Indian style and looking up at my face filled with fear and wonder. (Laughs) "Hi kids!" (Faith smiles) But the realist in me tends to doubt it. Now, Faith, as I record this message you're sleeping. And the doctors tell me you might never wake up. I don't believe that. Sooner or later you will wake up, and when you do, you'll find the world has gone and changed on you. I wish I could make the world a better place for you to wake up in. But, tough as it is to accept, we both have to understand that even my power to protect and watch over you has it's limits. See, the hard pill to swallow is that once I'm gone, your days are just plain numbered. Now, I know, you're a smart and capable young woman in charge of her own life, but the problem, Faith, is that there won't be a place in the world for you anymore. By now I bet you're feeling very much alone. But you're never alone. You'll always have me. (Picks up box) And you'll always have this. Go ahead. Open the box. (Faith takes box from the case and looks at it.) Don't worry. It's not gonna bite. That's my job. (Laughs) Go ahead. Open it. (She does so) Surprise! You won't find these in any gumball machine! See, when you've been around as long as I have, you amke friends. And some of them forge neat little gizmos. Just like the one you're holding right now. (She looks at it) And here's the good news. Just because it's over for my Faith, doesn't mean she can't go out with a bang. (He looks down and laughs sadly. Faith looks sadly at the device.) Buffy (VO): She's a very dangerous woman. Cut to Buffy's dorm. Buffy and Riley talking. Riley: Okay, I get it. Faith bad. Do I look like I'm arguing? Buffy: Not yet. But you always make that innocent face right before you start. Riley: Figured it out, huh? Damn. It took my mom twelve years to catch that one. All I'm saying is, if you're in trouble, I wanna help. Buffy: You can't. Riley: Give me one reason why. She throws him a ball. He barely catches it and flinches in pain. Buffy: That's one. Riley: Alright, I'm not exactly action guy, but there's gotta be something I can do other than sit around waiting for you to pummel this gal. Buffy: Riley, the fact that you just called Faith a "gal" only proves that you don't know her. Riley: Never seen anyone get under your skin this way before. What exactly did she do to you? Buffy: It's a long story. Riley: I'm from Iowa. We drive four hours for our High School football game. Try me. Buffy: I told you, okay? She hurt me and people I care about. And did I mention the psycho k*ller part? Riley: There's something you're not telling me. Buffy: Riley, I have to go. She's out there. Riley: Alright. I'm just saying. I think you're holding out on me. Buffy: Riley, this isn't a joke. There's a criminally insane woman out there with super-powers who thinks I'm responsible for ruining her life. I know Faith. She'll come after me and she'll come after the people I love. Cut to Joyce Summers' house. Knock on the door. Joyce goes to answer it. It's Faith. Faith: Hi Joyce. She pushes Joyce down, comes in and shuts the door. Faith: Mind if I come in. Fade to Commercial Break. Faith going through Joyce's makeup drawer. Faith: Ruby sunset...burgendy skyline...harlot. Mmmmmmm, way to go Joyce. Now, normally I wouldn't be going for something this dark. But I read in some magazine that eight months in a coma will damage a girl's natural skin tone. (Puts on lipstick) Good thing pale is in this year.n Or was it last year? (Finishes, kisses mirror.) Anyway, for real now. I wanna ask you something, and I want you to promise to be honest, and to not spare my feelings just because I could k*ll you. You promise? Joyce: I promise. Faith: OK. (Finishes with hair) How do I look? (Poses) Joyce: Psychotic. Faith: Mmmmmmm. I was sh**ting for sultry, but hey. Bet I know what you're thinking. Joyce: Really. Faith: You're thinking "You'll never get away with this!" Moi? Joyce: Actually I was thinking "My daughter is going to k*ll you soon." Faith: That a fact? Joyce: More like a bet. Faith: Whoa. You got a pair on you, Joyce, I like seeing that in a woman your age. Guess you can afford to talk that way. I mean, in the world according to Joyce, Buffy is gonna come crashing through that door any minute. But, look what I found. (Goes over and picks up some letters, comes over to Joyce. Reads adresses.) Buffy Summers, Buffy Summers, Buffy Summers, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Lotta letters. She hasn't been by in a while, huh? And you'd think, with a crazy chick like me on the loose, crazy chick with a wicked grudge against her no less, she'd call, give you a heads up. But Buffy's too into her own deal to remember dear old mom. Joyce: You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me. Faith: Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter, you think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving and you're stuck. It's like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and no-one even sees. Joyce: Were you planning to slit my throat any time soon? Faith: Don't tell me you don't see it Joyce. You've served you purpose, squirted out the kids, raised her up, and now you might as well be d*ad. Nobody cares, nobody remembers, especially not Buffy fabulous superhero. Sooner or later you're going to have to face it. She was over us a long time ago Joyce. Too busy climbing onto her new boytoy to give a single though to the people that matter. I mean, you're her mother, and she just leaves you hear to die. (Grabs Kn*fe) Buffy crashes in through the window and punches Faith. Buffy: Hi mom. Joyce: Hi honey. The fight continues. As the Slayers fall downstairs, Joyce calls 911. They roll down the stairs and clmaber to their feet. Faith: Thought I'd go after the queen marine didn't ya? He's a cutie. Looks like he could use a good roll in the sack. Buffy att*cks Faith and knocks her down. Buffy: You're not his type. He's not big on sleaze. They fight and Faith gets Buffy against a wall by the neck. Faith: He's probably just never tried it. Buffy: Going for the boyfriend again? That's tired. Faith: Just something to remember me by once I've moved on. They fight and Faiht is thrown across the table. Buffy: Ever occur to you, Faith, that the reason we forgot you is because we wanted to? Faith smashes stuff and throws it at her. Cut to Giles entering his apartment. Finds some guy waiting for him. Guy: Hello Rupert. Giles looks shocked. Guy looks calm. Cut back to fight. Faith att*cks Buffy, then hears the Police and tries to run. Buffy blocks her and punches her around. Faith opens the Mayor's device and blocks one of her punches with it. Small energy discharge. When it stops, both Buffy and Faith look shocked. Then Buffy punches Faith out. Joyce comes to her. Joyce: You okay? Buffy: All things considered. Joyce: (Sees Mayor's device) What is that? Buffy: w*apon of some kind. (Crushes it underfoot) Didn't work, whatever it was. Police come. Joyce: Oh, the Police. Buffy looks at Faith. Buffy: She's their problem now. Joyce: You sure you're okay? Buffy: Five-by-five. Lingering sh*t of Buffy's face. TO BE CONTINUED This Year's Girl Transcribed by Joseph B Written by: Doug Petrie Directed by: Michael Gershman Originally aired: February 22, 2000 Disclaimer: This is a transcript intended for anyone who cannot watch BTVS for whatever reason, to enjoy, as well as those who think transcripts are just cool, and as reference material for fanfic writers. Buffy and all copyrighted characters are the product of Joss Whedon and I have nothing but respect for him and those whose hard work is put into bringing us a great show. I did this of my own free time and will never make a dime from it. Now let me add. If you are looking at this transcript, save it, copy it, send it to your friends. Unlike other transcribers, who I have nothing but respect for, if you see any mistakes that might be in this transcript, feel free to correct them, or if you just want to personalize it to suit yourself, by all means. Hell I do it. ~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade to white. A white sheet descends and we see Buffy draping it over a bed. She is in her bedroom at home making her bed. Through the windows it looks like its late afternoon as sunlight shines into the room. Buffy: (smoothing the edges) They smell good, don't they? The camera pulls back and we see Faith on the other side of the bed, matching Buffy's movements. Faith: What? Buffy: (smiling) Clean sheets. Like summer. Faith: I wouldn't know. Buffy: (stops smiling) Right. I forgot. Faith: I noticed. Buffy: (hesitantly) I-I wish I could stay, but . . . Faith: Oh, you have to go. Buffy: It's just with . . . Faith: (knowingly) Little sis coming. I know. So much to do before she gets here. They've worked their way to the foot of the bed now and are beside each other. Buffy: (regretfully) Now I really have to-- Faith: So go. Don't let me keep-- She stops as she hears something. She looks down and sees that two drops of blood have h*t the sheet, a dark red on the clean white. Two more drops quickly follow. Faith: (looks at Buffy) Damn. Just when we made it so nice. She straightens and looks down at her body as she faces Buffy. She lifts her eyes to meet Buffy's, whose expression has suddenly become stoic. Faith: (concerned) Are you ever gonna take this thing out? She indicates to her abdomen. Close up of Buffy's hand wrapped around the handle of Faith's large Kn*fe; the one Buffy had s*ab her with (*Graduation Day). We cannot see the blade because most of it is in Faith's stomach and blood is seeping from the wound. Buffy's face is emotionless as she gazes into Faith's eyes. A second later, she suddenly jerks the Kn*fe upwards. Horrified, Faith opens her mouth in a silent scream. Cut to a close up: the screen of a heart monitor. It is beeping steadily with the heartbeat it's monitoring. The camera pans to show us a drab, blue wall with the paint peeling showing plaster. The room is dimly lit. There is an IV stand next to the bed, the tube leading to the comatose patient lying there. Faith is in a room that obviously doesn't see much human presence. From a window we cannot see, lightning flashes outside and splashes across her face. Faith continues to sleep. Wolf's howl. Buffy theme and credits roll. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part One ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Close up of an Initiative taser r*fle. The top panel of the w*apon is off and hanging to the side, trailing wires, as Xander examines the inside with a pair of pliers in his hand. Xander: So. Here it is. The latest in state-of-the-art combat technology. I gotta say it doesn't look that complicated. The camera pulls back and we're in Xander's basement. He has the w*apon on the counter. Willow is standing next to him with tools in her hands should he need them. Buffy is standing behind them. Behind her, Giles is seated on the couch folding a basket of laundry on the coffee table. Buffy: So can you repair it? Xander: Sure. Just as soon as I get my masters degree in advance starship technology. Frustrated, he drops the pliers on the counter and lets the r*fle fall on its side. Willow: Well, why don't we experiment? (eagerly) Press some buttons, see what happens. Giles: (folding a pair of boxers) Uh, I-I'd like to veto that. Xander: Second. It's called a blaster, Will. A word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now if it were called “the orgasminator” I'd be the first to try you basic button-press approach. Buffy: Just tell me, can you repair it or not. Xander: I'm working on it. I'm working on it. Buffy turns and walks towards the couch. Xander rights the r*fle again and picks up a screwdriver. Xander: But if I blow a hole in my mom's azalea patch the neighbors will not be pleased. Buffy sits down on the couch and rests her head on the palm of her hand, tiredly. Giles: You all right? (he moves to sit closer to her) You've been patrolling around the clock for three days straight. Perhaps you can use some-- Buffy: (lifts her head) What? Some rest? There's a demonoid k*lling machine out there, Giles, that doesn't really work the night shift. Giles: I was going to say, perhaps you could use some back-up, but, um . . . now you mention it. Gathering your strength might not be a bad idea. Buffy: (to Xander) Just get the blaster working. That's all the strength I need. Willow: Are you sure? Buffy: Why, because g*n aren't in the Slayer Handbook? Will, you haven't seen this Adam thing. H-he's the Terminator without the bashful charm. And he's deadly. And the last time we met he kicked my ass. Willow: Oh-- no! Blast away, by all means. I only meant . . . No word about Riley? (sits down in a chair next to the sofa) Buffy: (sits back, crossing her arms) They keep telling me that he's fine. That's all they'll say. Willow: Maybe they're telling the truth? Buffy: (worried) Maybe. I don't even know what the Initiative's version of fine is. They could be forcing him back onto medication and torturing him, for all I know. Giles: From what we've seen I doubt they'll be trying to hurt him. Buffy: The only thing I know for certain is that my boyfriend is locked away, and I'm not helping. Cut to Xander. His back is to us. He's leaning over the blaster when it suddenly lets out a big spark. He does a short electrocuted dance as he holds it in his hands and a puff a smoke is rising from the g*n. Willow: (unaware of this) Maybe Giles has a point? I mean, Riley is their Top g*n guy. Doesn't make sense that they'd hurt him. Xander has let go of the blaster and turns to face the others with a wide-eyed “I just hurt myself” expression on his face. He's wavering on his feet, still feeling the effects of the shock, and sees nobody noticed what happened. Without a word he turns around and picks up the w*apon again to continue working on it. Buffy: The Initiative has all those brainwashy behavior modification guys. Willow: So? Buffy: So what happens when they start not liking his behavior? Cut to Initiative: medical ward. Close up of Buffy's red scarf lying on a counter. Riley's reaches out to take it and closes his fist around it. His right hand is bandaged up. The camera pans and we see him lying on a bed. His abdomen is also heavily bandaged. He pushes himself to a sitting position, groaning and putting a hand against the wound in his side. After taking a couple of breaths he stands up, grabbing a shirt, and puts it on as he heads out. Cut to the door leading into the infirmary. There is a soldier standing guard. At Riley's approach he turns around a stands in front of the doorway. Riley: Stand down, soldier. Riley starts buttoning up his shirt and a second later realizes that the guard hasn't moved. Riley: (conversationally) Stand down before I put you down. The soldier still doesn't move and before we can find out what Riley would've done about that, Forrest walks up. Forrest: (to soldier) You heard the man. At ease. The soldier returns to his original position. With a glance at Forrest, Riley steps out of the doorway and starts walking down the corridor with a noticeable limp. He continues to button his shirt. Forrest falls into step with him. Forrest: The shish kebab that walks like a man. Looks like you're feeling better, walking around, thr*at people, and all that. Riley: Man was in my way. I got places to be. Forrest: Really? And where were you thinking of going? Riley: You know where I'm going. Forrest: (exasperated sigh) Don't even tell me you're heading toward that girlfriend of yours. (steps out in front of him) Look at you. One good conjugal visit and you're back in intensive care to stay. Riley: You wouldn't understand. Forrest: (crossing his arms) How ‘bout you explain it to me, then? Graham walks up from behind Riley. Graham: We all friends here, fellas? Forrest: (looking at Riley) Absolutely. Riley here is about to explain why he's leaving us so very quickly. Riley: I don't explain. Because I don't have to. I'm the one in charge. Forrest: Things change. Riley: Do they? Forrest: Hey! In case you failed to notice, we're in a world of hurt around here. Now's the time for us to band together. Not go flying off our separate ways. Graham: Forrest has a point, Riley. Forrest: We have a problem, we deal with that problem. You know the most important part of the equation now is that we keep said problem within the family. Riley: Family? Is that what we are? (a b*at) Step aside. Forrest doesn't look like he's about to do that, but unfortunately we have to-- Cut to Faith's room. An overhead closing sh*t of her lying in the bed. It alternates with another sh*t of a cloudy sky, as thunder cracks, thr*at rain. The sun can be seen trying to shine through. Camera pans down to a tree line of a spacious park. Close up of Faith. Her pupils are moving under her closed eyelids. Faith: (VO) Do you think it's gonna rain? Cut to Faith, in the park, laying on a picnic blanket, barefoot. She is wearing a light blue shirt and a bright pink skirt. Mayor Richard Wilkins is laying on the other side of the blanket, eating a sandwich. Faith is just picking at the grapes on her own plate. Wilkins: Nonsense. It's a beautiful day. Now eat your sandwich. (wipes his mouth with a napkin) Faith: I don't know. It's just . . . it always seems like it starts raining right about now. (eats a grape) Wilkins: You're too young and too pretty a girl to start wearing worry lines on your face. He sits up as he sees something. Wilkins: Well, hey, hey hey. Picks up a small grass snake that was slithering across the blanket. Faith frowns as she sees it. Wilkins: Hey there, little fella. Heh. I don't know where you belong, but it's not here with us. (chuckles as he sets it down pointing towards the grass) There you go. (to Faith) You see? There's nothing that's gonna spoil our time together. Who wants cheesecake? (light laugh) Faith smiles as he turns to open the picnic basket. Horror suddenly fills her expression. Faith: NO! Buffy is suddenly standing in front of Wilkins. She's in black clothes and a long dark coat. She has Faith's Kn*fe in her hand and swings the blade down across his throat, and he gags. Before he can fall she thrusts the Kn*fe into his chest. She pulls it out and lets him fall and her emotionless gaze fixes on Faith. Buffy: I told you I had things to do. Faith is terrified and starts backing away. In a panic, she turns and flees on her hands and knees. Buffy is holding the blood-covered Kn*fe raised at the elbow and calmly stalks after her. Cut to the woods. Night time. Buffy, Willow, and Xander are on patrol, each carrying a flashlight. Willow: Spread out? Buffy: Not too far. Xander: So not a problem. Willow and Xander split from Buffy as they reach a clump of bushes. The camera pulls back as we track Buffy's progress. Behind her we see two trees and a pair of red legs, with clawed feet, tied to them. Willow and Xander's flashlights are visible on the other side of the trees. Buffy hears a crackling sound a turns. Her eyes widen as she looks up. Willow and Xander are already gaping at the sight of the crucified demon (looked like a Fyarl) suspended high between the two trees. Buffy shines her light on the body and sees the demon was eviscerated. It was sliced down the middle from its neck to lower abdomen, its flesh pulled open wide and also tied to the trees. We see that all the internal organs have been removed and the ribcage and spine are clearly visible.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x15 - This Year's Girl"}

foreverdreaming

Scene of Adam the demon Frankenstein cyborg exiting tunnels. Engleman: "The project, it escaped." Narrator/Giles: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Scene of Buffy talking. Buffy: "The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it. But we will." Scene of Faith opening eyes in hospital bed. Buffy: "It's Faith, she's awake." Buffy and Faith on the campus. Joyce: You all right. Faith: Five by five. Mayor: Open the box. Scene of Faith opening box. Mayor: Surprise. Scene of Buffy and Faith's hands are clasped and glowing. Joyce: You sure you're ok. Buffy: Five by five. Scene of Buffy looking at unconscious Faith. Note: For simplicity, Buffy's body is called Buffy, even when occupied by Faith. Faith's body is called Faith, even when occupied by Buffy. PROLOGUE The front of Joyce Summers home. An ambulance is on the lawn A police car with lights flashing is parked on the street. A plainclothes police officer with his badge visible on his breast. Plainclothes officer: "It's good you called. We've been looking for this girl since she broke out of the hospital." Joyce: What's gonna happen to her? Plainclothes officer: Well, get her checked out. She's in s*ab condition, she goes to jail, pending trial. Joyce: I just hope she gets some kind of help. [Rattling.] Plainclothes officer: The first thing is to keep her from hurting anybody else. Faith is wheeled on a gurney to ambulance. She looks up at Buffy and Joyce but her vision is blurry. Faith: No. Personnel lifting her into ambulance: __ One two __ Plainclothes officer: Well, you guys will be safe now. We may have a couple of questions in the morning. The emergency personnel close the rear doors on the ambulance. Joyce: Oh, uh, of course. Plainclothes officer: Thank you. Both. I'm glad we finally got the kid. Buffy: She's not a kid! I just mean that she's very strong. Plainclothes officer: Yeah. This Faith chick-- definitely dangerous. Ambulance leaves. The officer walks away. Joyce goes toward the front door. Buffy: She truly is. Roll credits ACT 1 Joyce's living room, Buffy is holding her hands and cracks her knuckles. Joyce closes the door. Joyce: Faith. Buffy spins around. Joyce: Why do you think she's like that? Buffy [shrugs]: You know. She's a nut job. Heh. Joyce: I just don't understand what could drive a person to that kind of behavior. Buffy: Well, how do you know she got drove? I mean, maybe she likes being that way. Joyce: I'll never believe that. I think she's horribly unhappy. Buffy: Well, could be things are looking up. I mean, a little stint in the pokey, show her the error of her ways. I'm sure there's some big old Bertha just waiting to shower her ripe little self with affection. Joyce: Buffy! Buffy: I'm sorry, mom. [Sighs] It's just ufff when I think about how she might have hurt you, I just, uff I can't stand it. Joyce hugs Buffy. Buffy is uncomfortable and shrugs lose. Joyce: Sorry. Buffy: No, I'm just, uff, sore from the fight. Joyce: I've missed you. Buffy: Cause I haven't visited, right? I knew it. Joyce: I know how it is. You have so much in your life now. Buffy: I'm a busy little beaver. College and all. Joyce: Of course. But um, maybe we could spend some time together soon? Some... night when I'm not being held hostage by a raving psychotic. Buffy: Count on it. [Pause] I'm gonna take a bath. Cut to Buffy in a bubble bath. She sighs. She looks at her arms and fingers. She stretches her leg and caresses it. She blows some bubbles cupped in her hands. Cut to Buffy looking in mirror. She turns her head to the side, then wrinkles her nose to look at it. She pulls her eyebrows back to look at her eyes. She sticks out her tongue to look at it. She pulls her upper lip back to look at her teeth. Buffy: Why, yes, I would be Buffy. May I help you? Buffy [sounding]: Buffy. [She sticks out her tongue again. She adjusts her hair.] [She shakes her finger.] Buffy: You can't do that. it's wrong. [She shakes her head slightly.] Buffy: You can't do that because it's naughty. Buffy: [louder] Because it's wrong. [She tilts head.] Buffy: [softly] Because it's wrong. [She points very aggressively.] Buffy: You can't do that. It's wrong. I'll kick your ass. I'm gonna k*ll you. [mental laughing] Cut to hospital room. [A hospital worker falls back into furniture.] Faith: Let me go! Let me go! [Faith is struggling in a hospital bed. There are three other hospital personnel, a uniformed officer and a plainclothes officer holding her down.] Doctor: Get me a sedative now! Officer: Hold her! Faith: I have to go home! She's with my mother. [Doctor puts needle to Faith's arm.] Faith: No! Doctor: Just lie still. Faith: You don't understand. Officer: Keep holding her. Faith: She's taken my...my body. [Faith loses consciousness.] Cut to Tara's room. [Willow lying down on a bed. Tara is sitting crosslegged near her feet.] Willow: I wonder where she is. Tara: Who? Faith? Willow: Yeah. I wish she would make a move. she's making my stomach all acidy. Tara: But you think Buffy can handle her. [Willow sits up.] Willow: I think so. but that doesn't mean Faith won't hurt someone else. Tara: Well, you should be safe. nobody knows you're here. I mean, uf, they don't even know I exist, right? I know all about them, but... [Willow puts her hand on Tara's knee for a second.] Willow [softly]: Hey. Tara : I-I mean, t-that's totally cool. It-it's good. It-it's better. Willow: Tara, it's not like I don't want my friends to know you. It's just... well, Buffy's like my best friend, and she's really special. And there's this whole bunch of us, and we sort of have this group thing that revolves around the slaying, and-and I, I really want you to meet them. But I kind of like having something that's just, you know, mine. And I, I usually don't se so many words to say stuff that little, but do you get that at all? Tara: I do. Willow: [sighs] I should check in with Giles, get a situation update. [She gets up and walks behind Tara.] Tara: I am, you know. Willow: What? [Tara turns and looks up at Willow.] Tara: Yours. [Willow smiles.] Cut to Joyce's bedroom. Buffy is adjusting a black camisole/baby tee in the mirror. Buffy: Not too bad. [Buffy opens a drawer and finds a wallet.] Buffy: Score. [Buffy is sitting on the bed, holding a credit card. and is on the phone.] Buffy: 6-4-4-7. [Pause] Uh, expiration, 5-0-1. [Pause. Buffy puts the card back in ther purse.] Unh huh. [Pause] Yeah. [Pause. Buffy takes cash out of the purse.] 10 a.m.'s your earliest flight? I'll take it. [Joyce enters.] Joyce: What are you doing? Buffy: Oh, just getting my mail. [Buffy holds up the letters.] Joyce: Oh. Um, that was, um, Giles on the other line. He wanted you to meet your friends there. Said he had news. Buffy: Yeah. I got some time to k*ll. [Buffy gets up.] I'll go see the g*ng. All my friends. [Buffy picks up a lipstick.] You don't mind if I steal this, right? Joyce: Is that the Harlot? Buffy: Yeah. Joyce: That's the same one Faith picked. Buffy: Burn it. [Buffy tosses it to Joyce who catches it.] Cut to Faith in the back of a police car with a uniformed officer driving and a plainclothes office riding g*n. [Faith moans almost inaudibly.] Policeman: She's coming to. Uniformed Policeman: Yeah. Policeman: Man, I want this kid's constitution. Faith: Faith. Policeman: Let's move it. I want to get her in before she's 100%. [The uniformed policeman nods.] [A red armored car/truck cuts off the police car which crashes into it. Two men in black clothing jump out of the back. One uses a g*n to cover the two police officers, who seem to be stunned. Another uses an ax to smash the back window. The one with the g*n breaks remnants on the sides with the g*n. The ax one drags Faith out the window.] Weatherby: By order of the Watcher's Council, you are being taken into custody until such time-- [They both drag her to the back of the armored truck.] Collins: Skip the speech. [They pull her in the truck.] Collins: Let's go. [The doors close.] ACT 2 [Buffy enters Giles' home.] Giles: Buffy. good. Buffy: The scooby g*ng's all here. Willow, Xander, and... [looks at Anya] everybody. What's up? Giles: It's about Faith, not surprisingly. Buffy: Didn't Joyce tell you? I already kicked that ass. Xander: I feel a high five coming on. Willow: Where is she? Buffy: On her way to the big house. Cops took her off my hands about an hour ago. Poetic justice. Anya: How's that? Buffy: Well, she did all those crimes, and now she's being arrested. [Silence.] I guess that's just regular justice. [Willow smiles.] It's cool, anyway. Giles: Unless I'm mistaken, Faith is no longer in police custody. Buffy [stands]: What are you talking about? Giles: Watcher's Council. They uh sent a retrieval team to capture Faith. Buffy: Well, yeah, I mean, 'cause it worked so well when Wesley tried it. Giles: This is a special operations unit. They, uh, handle the council's trickier jobs - smuggling, interrogation, wetworks. Willow: What's wetworks? Xander: Scuba-type stuff. Anya: I thought it was m*rder. Xander: Well, yeah, but there could be underwater m*rder, with snorkels. Buffy: So they're taking her to England? Giles: It'll be a long, long time before she returns. Buffy: Heh heh heh. ahhh Hah hah. Hah hah. ohhh I'm sorry. It's just...I'm happy. Faith is evil. Willow: Yeah. I hope they throw the book at her. Giles: I'm not sure there is a, a book for this. Willow: They could throw other things. Buffy: I forgot how much you don't like Faith. Willow: After what she's done to you? Oh, I wish those council guys would let me have an hour alone in the room with her, if I was larger and had grenades. Buffy: I bet I know what Faith would say to that. Buffy springs forward with a Kn*fe and sticks it in Willow's stomach in the same place Faith was s*ab. She pulls the Kn*fe out and s*ab Willow again. Buffy lifts her head from her revery. She did not spring forward. Anya: So what you're saying is that everything's fine? Giles: Oh, um, yes. Anya: Well, I'm glad you called us all here because that information could never be conveyed by telephone. Willow [to Buffy]: What's up? Giles: Well, I just thought it was, uh, best to convene, in case there were any loose ends Buffy [to Willow]: I'd never let her hurt you. Giles: or things that we might have forgotten. Willow [to Buffy]: I know. Giles: But if you're, uh, keen to go, then, please, by all means, go. Xander: We kind of have a romantic evening planned. Anya: We were gonna light a bunch of candles and have sex near them. Buffy: Well, we certainly don't want to cut into that seven minutes. Anya: Hey. Xander: I believe that's my hey. Hey! Buffy: Lighten up. We're out of danger. Everything's good. Giles: We still have Adam to take care of. Buffy: Yeah. Adam. What's up with him? Giles: I wish we knew. Buffy: Well, don't worry about it. I'll patrol tonight, as long as it takes. You guys have your fun, I'll be out there doing my job. Cut to Buffy dancing in the Bronze to rock band. Buffy: Whoop. Spike: Oh, you. Buffy: And you. Spike: What, are you keeping tabs on me? You're gonna give me a hard time now? Buffy: Um, do I usually give you a hard time? Spike: Very funny. Well, you don't have to worry about me drinking. Unless you're here to protect innocent beers. [He holds up a bottle.] [Spike walks away a little and Buffy follows.] Buffy: You're a vampire. Spike: Was. And as soon as I get this chip out of my head, I'll be a vampire again. But until then, I'm just as helpless as a kitten up a tree. So why don't you sod off? Buffy: Ok. Spike [angry]: Oh, fine! Throw it in my face! Spike's not a thr*at anymore. I'll turn my back. He can't hurt me. Buffy: Spike? [Gets it.] Spike. William the Bloody with a chip in his head. I kind of love this town. Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers? Buffy: 'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun? Spike: Well, yeah, that covers a lot of it. Buffy: Cause I could do anything I want, and instead, I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of slayerness? I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous, I could have anything. Anyone. [Buffy moves closer and puts her hands on Spike's chest.] Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [She moves closer and looks up at him pursing her lips.] Because it's wrong. Humh humh. [She moves off.] Spike: I get this chip out, you and me are gonna have a confrontation. Buffy: Count on it. [Spike throws his bottle into the wall and walks off. He shoves someone and clutches his head.] Cut to the sewers. Four vampires are walking in vamp face. Vampire: It was too crowded. We gotta hold out for a few hours, pick up a straggler, some drunk. Can't be calling attention to [He sees Adam and stops.] ourselves. Adam: I've been thinking. About vampires. Vampire: This is my place. Adam: You're place. Yes. The sewers. You hide from them, Crawl about in their filth. Scavenging like rats. What do you fear? Vampire: k*ll this guy already. [One vampire charges Adam and Adam grabs it by the throat and holds it.] Adam: You fear the cross. The sun. f*re. And, oh, yes... [Adams puts his other hand on the vampire's shoulder and he lifts the vampire's head from its shoulders. The body falls and he drops the head on it and they turn to dust.] Adam: I believe decapitation is a problem as well. Vampire: You can have the place. I mean, we don't have to stay here anymore. Adam: You fear death. Being immortal, you fear it more than those to whom it comes naturally. Vampires are a paradox. Vampire: Ok, we're a paradox. That's cool. Adam: Demon in a human body. You walk in both worlds and belong to neither. I can relate. Come. We have a lot to talk about. Cut to workshed interior? In the back of the armored truck, Faith wakes up and finds she is chained. Weatherby: Well, it's awake. Faith: Who are you? Weatherby: Council. We're taking you back to the mother country. Seems you've been a naughty girl. Faith: Listen to me. Y-You've made a mistake. I am not Faith. I'm Buffy Summers. Faith performed some kind of spell, she switched our bodies. [Standing outside the truck.] Collins: Congratulations. No one's ever actually tried that one on me before. Faith: You have to find Faith. C-call Giles. J-just get him here. Collins: Giles doesn't work for the council anymore. For that matter, neither does Buffy Summers. And what you are, miss, is a package. I deliver the package. I don't much care what's inside. [To Weatherby.] Come on. Weatherby: He may not care, but I do. The Watcher's Council used to mean something. You perverted it. You trash. We should have k*lled you while you were asleep. [He spits in Faith's face. He gets out of the truck and closes the doors.] Cut to the Bronze. Willow: I can't believe you've never been here. The Bronze is the coolest place in Sunnydale. Of-of course, there's not a lot of competition. I think the vending machine at Bergen's came in second. Tara: Y-you used to come here a lot? Others: Chug chug chug Willow: I lived here. Me, Xander... Buffy & others: Chug, chug, chug. Willow: Buffy. Buffy & others: Chug, chug, chug. Buffy: oooh ooooh Others: Chug, chug, chug! Others: Woo hoo hoo. Willow: Wow. I-I didn't think she'd be here. Come on, [holds Tara's hand] I want you to meet her. Buffy: Back off. [Pushes someone away.] You're nothing but a disappointment. [Tara crosses her arms.] Willow: Hey, Buffy. Buffy: Willow and - uh Willow: Buffy, this is Tara. Tara: Hi. Buffy: So we've never met. [Tara shakes her head.] Cool. Just have a thing with names. Willow: Tara was in my wicca group. Buffy: Unh-huh. [Buffy walks away and they follow.] Willow: So, what's up? [Buffy plops herself on a couch.] Patrol a no go? [Buffy throws her legs up in the air and on a table.] Buffy: Got tired. You know, the whole Faith thing. I let off some steam. Willow: Good for you. You shouldn't work yourself too hard. Buffy: That's my philosophy. [Buffy throws her arms behind her head.] Willow: Anyone want a soda? Tara [looks at Willow]: Water. [Buffy shakes head. Willow walks off and Buffy notes Tara looking back at Willow. She sits up and leans forward.] Buffy: So you guys been hanging out a lot lately, hunh? Tara: Yeah. she's, um, she's really cool. [Buffy nods and blinks slowly.] Buffy [grins]: So Willow's not driving stick anymore. Who would have thought? I guess you never really know someone until you've been inside their sking. And Oz is out of the picture? Oh, never seen two people so much in love. She just couldn't get enough of old Oz. Tara: She, um, said he, uh, uh, w-w-w-w-w-went Buffy: He w-w-w-w-what? You gonna get that sentence out sometime tonight? [Tara lowers her head.] [Willow returns.] Willow: Buffy, guy in the corner. [Buffy looks at a guy leading a girl.] Buffy: Yeah. Good call. Tara: What? Willow: Vampire. Buffy: Wicked obvious. [She leans back and realizes Willow is waiting.] So I should slay him. [She gets up.] Willow: You want help? Buffy: Nah, I got it. [Buffy picks up a pool stick as she walks. She enters a back area where the vampire is feeding on the girl from behind, making slurping noises and holding the girl's arms. The girl is gasping. Buffy breaks the pool stick in two and drops one end. The girls arms flail. Buffy hits the vampire in the back using the stake as a club.] Buffy: Hey! [The vampire lets the girl fall and turns. Buffy blocks a right and a left. She kicks it in the leg and spins the vampire around and holds it. She stakes it and throws it to the side just before it dusts. Buffy exhales and looks down at the girl. She is squatting and she looks up at Buffy.] Buffy: You'll live. Girl: Uh he was so strong, uh Buffy: Yeah, well, he's gone now. [Buffy turns and the girl grabs her hand.] Girl: Thank you. **Thank you.** [Expressions flash across Buffy's face.] Buffy: Yeah. [Shrugs.] It's cool. [Shrugs.] [Buffy walks off and drops the stake.] Willow: Everything poofed? Buffy: All's well in the world. Willow: Tara's not feeling well. I'm gonna walk her home. [Willow looks back at Tara.] Buffy: Yeah. You give her whatever she needs. [Buffy smiles for a second.] Willow: Are you gonna be in later, or you going over to Riley's? [Buffy blinks several times and then smiles.] Cut to workshed/barn. Banging sounds in a workshed or barn. Smith walks toward the armored truck with a syringe. Smith: This'll bloody keep you quiet. [Smith opens the back of the truck and goes in. Faith grabs him and gets him in a chokehold with the chains.] Smith: Uh. Faith: How about this? I'll be quiet, and you can scream. Smith: Aaahh. [Weatherby and Collins look in from the back of the truck.] Faith: Now you unchain me - very slowly And! politely, or I k*ll this guy Collins: When we go on a job, we always put our affairs in order first, in case of accident. Smith: Collins... Collins: Sorry, Smithy. [They walk off.] Collins: She's starting to bother me. Weatherby: Getting her across the border is gonna be a lot more trouble than it's worth. Collins: If the council can even get us passage. I'll call them. It's time for a contingency plan. [Smith flies out the back of the truck and falls, groaning.] Cut to Riley's room. [Riley is sitting at his desk and hears a sound and turns, smiling. Buffy is standing in the doorway.] Buffy: Hi, baby. ACT 3 Cut to Tara's room. Willow: I'm sorry you're feeling all blechy. But we'll get together with Buffy another time. Sometime soon. I think you'll really like her. [Tara sighs.] Tara: She's not your friend. Willow: I may have overestimated the "you liking her" factor. Tara: No, no. I mean, I don't... [sighs] I don't think she's...her. Willow: You lost me. Tara: Well, umph, a person's energy has a flow, a unity. [sigh] Buffy's was [sigh] was fragmented. It-it grated, like something forced in where it doesn't belong. Plus, she was, um, [sigh] she was kind of mean. [heh] Willow: So you think Buffy's not herself? Like she's been possessed or something? Tara: [sigh] I'm not sure. Willow: You didn't sense a hyena energy at all, did you? Because hyena possession is just...unpleasant. Tara: [umph] Do you have anything of hers? Willow: Of Buffy's? Uhhhh. Oh! This ring. Tara: I-I think there's a way we can, hmm... [reaches for book] The passage to the nether realm. There-there's a ritual. If you can find Buffy there, you should be able to see. Willow: If it'll help her. [Tara sighs.] Willow: What? Tara: Well, the nether realm exists beyond the physical world. Accessing it is... I-it-it's kind of like astral projection. It's very intense. I'd have to be your anchor, keep you on this plane. Willow [nods]: I trust you. Tara: It-it's not like anything that we've ever-- Willow [smiles]: I trust you. Cut to Riley's room. Buffy: You miss me? Riley: I did, actually. Everything's ok? Buffy: Everything's great. [walks forward] Riley: What about Faith? Buffy: Faith has a won a fabulous trip to England, and I [sits on Riley's lap, straddling him] got the consolation prize, which is you. Riley: So I don't have to worry about Faith showing up? Though I have to admit, I was kind of curious to meet her. Buffy holds Riley's hands and leans back, still straddling him. Riley: Or I was until about 30 seconds ago. [Buffy sits up.] Buffy: Oh, you wouldn't have liked Faith. She's not proper and joyless, like a girl should be. She has a tendency to give in to her animal instincts. [She kisses Riley and nips his lip.] Riley: Door's open. Buffy: So? Riley: So my fantasies don't tend to include a bunch of marines staring in at me. Buffy: Oh, maybe they could learn something. [She kisses his neck and Riley gets up, walking to close the door. He holds his left side with his right arm. ] Buffy: You're hurt. [He closes the door.] Riley: Ahh, um, not that bad, actually. I guess the, uh, drugs the professor gave me really did make me stronger. I'm healing pretty quick. Buffy: Maybe we should take you for a test drive. Riley: I wouldn't say no. [He walks forward.] Buffy: So...how do you want me? [She crawls on the bed looking away from Riley and turns around.] Riley: How do I? Buffy: Yeah. what do you wanna do with this body? What nasty little desire have you been itching to try out? Am I a bad girl? Do you wanna hurt me? [She puts her arms on him.] Riley: What are we playing at here? [She takes her arms off.] Buffy: I'm Buffy. Riley: Ok. then I'll be Riley. Buffy: Well, if you don't wanna play-- [She starts to leave and Riley holds her.] Riley: Right. I don't wanna play. [Riley kisses her very gently and she responds.] Cut to Tara's room. [Willow closes the curtains] [Tara puts her thumb on Willow's forehead, lips and chest.] [Tara and Willow sit side by side facing opposite directions. They are crosslegged. They whisper while stroking their outer (right) arms as if to stir water]: "Sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea. Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea. Ayala flows {through} the river in me. The inward eye, The sightless sea. Ayala flows {through} the river in me. The inward eye, The sightless sea... [Light forms from their hands and creates a circle of clouds/light around them as both arcs meet in two places.] Ayala flows through the river in me." [They touch hands palm to palm, keeping their hands flat. They are breathing heavily and are both sweating and glistening. The circle of light rises to the level of their heads. Their breathing gets heavier. They look at each other. Willow slowly falls back, closing her eyes and breaking the hand contact. The circle of light goes higher and higher. Willow arches her back and moans "unnh ohh".] Cut to Riley's room. [Riley is on top of Buffy, looking down at her.] Riley: I love you. Buffy: Uggnnh Get off. No. No. No! [Pushing Riley away] Get-get off! No. Off me. Get off. No, no-o. G-get [Buffy stands] Riley: Buffy...What? What's wrong? Buffy: (gasping) Who are you? What do you want from h-her? Riley: Should I not have...? Buffy: This is meaningless. Riley: You're shaking. [He gets up and puts a blanket/sheet on her.] Buffy; Nnnh. Riley: What happened? Buffy: Nothing. Nothing. [She puts her head against Riley's chest and her face goes into shadow.] Cut to sewers. [Adam stops pacing.] Adam: I have a gift no man has. [That] No demon has ever had. I know why I'm here. I was created to k*ll. To extinguish life wherever I find it. And I have accepted that responsibility. You have lived in fear and desperation because you didn't have that gift. But it's time to face your fear. [A vampire sitting cross legged rises.] Vampire: Tell us what to do. Adam: You are here to be my first. To let them know that I am coming. Vampire: We're ready. Adam: Then ask yourself, what is it? More than man, more than anything else. What is the thing you fear? Cut to Riley's room [Buffy puts on a shirt and fluffs her hair. She sees the clock reads 8:25 and she looks back between the clock and Riley. She leaves.] Cut to Frat house. [Buffy comes down the stairs.] Forrest: Hope you left him alive. Buffy: What? Forrest: Boy's supposed to be on the mend. I don't see you letting him get much rest. Buffy: I think maybe you should stay out of other people's lives. Forrest: We've got a mission here. Back when Riley could still think for himself... Buffy: You've got a mission? I've been fighting demons since before you could shave. Forrest: Yeah, you're a k*ller. Buffy: I am not a k*ller! I am the slayer!. And you don't know the first thing about me. Forrest: You really care what I think? Buffy: No. I don't care. [Throws hands up.] God, I don't care. [She leaves and the door closes.] Cut to inside of barn/workshed. Collins: They can't get us passage. They've ordered the k*ll. [He screws a sil*ncer onto a p*stol.] Weatherby: Torch the place? Collins: Get the gas. [Weatherby walks off.] Smith: She could've k*lled me. She didn't. Collins: Lucky you. [Collins sticks the g*n in the truck but Faith grabs the p*stol and his hands with her feet and pulls him into the truck hard enough to stun him before he can react. Faith pulls the g*n to her hands and sh**t the locks/chains holding her.] Smith [running away]: Weatherby! [Faith sh**t a lock and smashes into the driver's area.] Faith: Keys, keys. Weatherby: Stop her, you ponce. [Faith finds the keys. Weatherby rushes the truck and Faith opens the door into him, knocking him out.] Faith: Ok, I'm good at this. [She shifts gears.] Faith: Ooh, drive. [Smith has found a g*n and sh**t at the truck but Faith drives the armored truck out through the wooden wall/door, breaking it.} ACT 4 Cut to Airport. [Woman behind counter hands ticket to Buffy.] Woman: Here, there you go. Buffy: Thank you. Woman: You're welcome. Cut to Giles' living room. [Giles is coming down his stairs carrying a plate and some cups.] Faith: Giles! Giles: God! Faith: Don't move. Ok, Giles, you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith. Giles: Really? Faith: Really. Giles: Cause the resemblance is striking. Faith: I know. Giles, you just have to... Stop inching. you were inching. Giles: Look, I-I know what you're going to say, and-and uh Faith: I'm Buffy. Giles: All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy. Faith: Faith switched. I mean, she had some device. She switched our bodies. Giles, I swear [runs hand through hair] it's me. Giles: U-um, if-if you are Buffy, then, [sets plate & cups down] uh, then you'll let me tie you up w-without k*lling me - until we find out whether you're telling the truth. Faith: Giles, Faith has taken my body, and for all I know, she's taken it to Mexico by now. I-I don't have time for bondage fun. Ask me a question. Ask me anything. Giles: Who's president? Faith: We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion. Giles: Oh, yes, Alright. um... Faith: Umph, Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean can't you just look in my eyes and be all intuitive? Giles: How did I turn into a demon? Faith: Oh, cause, uh, Ethan Rayne. And-and you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid lifestyle wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! when I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. What? Do you want me to continue? Giles: Actually, I beg you to stop. Faith: What's a stevedore? Giles: Alright, let's-- um, I need you to explain everything. Faith: And I will, after we get Faith. [Willow and Tara enter.] Willow: Giles! Faith: Will. Willow: Oh, my god. Faith: Willow, wait. you don't understand. Willow: You're Buffy. You and Faith switched bodies, probably through a Draconian Katra spell. Giles [to himself]: She understands it better than I do. Faith: How did you? Willow: Tara. Tara, this is Buffy, only really this time. Tara: Hi. Willow: Tara's a really powerful witch. Tara: Not really. Willow: No, really. She knew right away that you weren't you. So we connected with the nether realms to find out what happened. And we conjured this. [Shows green glowing item in box.] Faith: What is-- Willow: It's a Katra. Or the home-conjured version. It-it should switch you back, if you can get a hold of Faith. Faith: Oh, thank God. [telephone rings] Giles: I'll get it. Giles: Hello. Faith: Do you know where Faith is? Giles: Oh yes, uh, Buffy's here with uh, me. Actually, she--she's uh Oh, all right. Giles: Xander. Apparently there's a report on the television. [Giles turns on the tv.] News announcer: ...and barricaded themselves in the church with at least 20 parishioners. One of the few who escaped described the three men as frighteningly disfigured, almost inhuman. So far, one escapee has since died of severe neck wounds. [Cut to airport.] [Buffy sees the report on another tv.] News announcer: There is no report on the condition of the parishioners still trapped inside, but their assailants have vowed to k*ll all of them [Buffy looks down, then back up at the screen] if police attempt to storm the church. Interior of church. Vampire: It's hard to believe. I've been avoiding this place for so many years, and it's nothing. It's nice! It's got the pretty windows, The pillars... lots of folks to eat. Where's the thing I was so afraid of? You know, the Lord? He was supposed to be here. He gave us this address. Well, we'll just have to start k*lling off His people, see if He shows up. Exterior of church. [Sirens. Two police cars and an ambulance are parked outside. There are four uniformed policemen and possibly one in plainclothes. One has just put down a radio.] Riley: What'd he say? Policeman: He said I should defer command to you. Riley: Then you hold your men until the reserves arrive. This is a military situation. Policeman: What, they got b*mb in there? Riley: Your men are not prepared to deal with them. Just trust me. [Siren. Riley walks nearer the church. He sees...] Riley: Buffy. Buffy: How many are in there? Riley: We think there's three. Buffy: I can do three. [Riley tugs at her arm.] Riley: Not alone. Look wait for the troops to get here. They're still mobilizing. Buffy: How did you respond so fast? Riley: I didn't. I was just late for church. [Buffy shakes her head.] Buffy: Look, when the troops get here, send 'em in, but I'm going. Riley: I don't want you risking-- [Riley tugs at her arm.] Buffy: Don't tell me what to do! I'm Buffy. I have to do this. Riley: Then I'm coming with. [Buffy pokes Riley near which he is hurt.] Riley: Ow! Buffy: I can't use you. someone comes out, you get 'em to safety. Unless they've got fangs. [Buffy enters the church.] Cut to interior. [Buffy closes the door.] Vampire: I told the cops, they send any one in, I start the whole m*ssacre thing. Buffy: Well, I'm not the cops. I just come to pray. Vampire: now's a good time to start. Buffy: You're *not* gonna k*ll these people. Vampire: Why not? Buffy: Because it's wrong. [Vampire 3 att*cks from behind and is thrown up in the air He collides with a column and he doesn't get up.] Vampire: You're the slayer. Buffy: The one and only. Cut to outside. [Giles is driving the armored truck. It stops and Willow, Tara and Faith jump out of the back.] Policeman: You people, get out of here! Willow: We've gotta get inside. Policeman: The police are handling this. Just back off right now. Willow: But we can't, we've gotta, Y- you don't understand. [Giles and Faith exchange a glance.] Policeman: Listen you have to clear the area. Giles [yelling]: Damn it, man, we have to get inside. [Faith moves out of sight behind the armored truck.] Our, um, uh uh families are in there. Our, um, mothers and-and tiny, tiny babies. Cut to church interior Vampire: You think we're afraid of you? We're not afraid Of anything anymore. Buffy: Then let all these people go, and all three of you can take me on. Vampire: Heh. I got a better idea. [He swings at Buffy and she dodges and hits him in the stomach, backhands his face and kicks him in the waist. He goes down. She kicks anothervvampire in the stomach and knocks him back. Then she kicks the vampire who h*t the pillar and sends him flying. She drives the second vampire back with a series of punches as people flee. She breaks off some wood from the back of a pew and stakes the second vampire. She tosses him aside and he spins as he turns to dust. The vampire who h*t the pillar flees and grabs a robe.] Cut to outside. [The pillar vampire runs into Riley. They fall and roll. They get up and he hits Riley in the face. Riley spins him and throws him down and holds onto the robe. The sunlight dusts him.] Riley: You forgot your coat. [Faith runs up.] Faith: Riley. {Faith hugs Riley.] Riley: Ohh. It's ok, miss. Just get yourself out of harm's way. Faith: Riley, it's me. Uh. Never mind. How many are in there? Riley: Well...who are you? Inside the last vampire breaks the stake lose from Buffy's grip and throws her back against a pew. Vampire: I have strength you couldn't dream of. [Punches Buffy in the face.] Adam has shown me the way, and there is [Same punch.] nothing --aah. He turns to dust. Faith is standing there with a stake. Buffy leaps to att*ck. They exchange punches and Buffy is attacking frenetically and she is slightly quicker. She knocks Faith down but Faith comes back with an uppercut and knocks her back. Faith: You can't win this. Buffy: Shut up! Do you think I'm afraid of you? [Buffy grabs Faith and throws her down, then sits on top of her and starts punching her.] You're nothing. [Punch. Punch.] Disgusting. [Punch. Punch.] [Buffy grabs Faith's hair with both hand and bangs her head.] m*rder bitch. [Bang. Bang...] You're nothing. [Bang. Bang...] [Switches back to punches] You're [Buffy is now crying.] disgusting. [Faith grabs Buffy's hand to stop a punch and their hands glow.] Now Buffy is in her own body. And Faith is in her own body. [The real Buffy falls back as their hands separate. The real Faith jumps up and runs off. The real Buffy sits, stunned or shocked, and watches her leave.] Cut to Riley's room. [The real Buffy hangs up phone. She is sitting on the bed. Riley is sitting in a chair.] Real Buffy: She's gone. not a trace. Giles said the council guys have cleared out, too. Riley: I don't understand. how could she have... ummph I mean, how's it possible? Real Buffy: Magic. Riley: There was something. I should've picked up on it. I should've just... Riley looks away, not meeting real Buffy's eyes. She realizes. Real Buffy: You slept with her. Riley [looks down]: I slept with you. [Buffy stands.] Riley: Man, would I like to get my hands on her. Not in a sex way. Real Buffy: I don't think she's coming back. Riley: Guess she's had her fun. Real Buffy: Yeah. Fun. Briefy real Buffy's face and real Faith's face are superimposed together on the screen as real Buffy fades out and real Faith fades in. [Real Faith is riding in a rail car with wooden sides. Train track sounds are heard.] Who Are You Transcribed by Joseph B Written and directed by: Joss Whedon Originally aired: February 29, 2000 Disclaimer: This is a transcript intended for anyone who cannot watch BTVS for whatever reason, to enjoy, as well as those who think transcripts are just cool, and as reference material for fanfic writers. Buffy and all copyrighted characters are the product of Joss Whedon and I have nothing but respect for him and those whose hard work is put into bringing us a great show. I did this of my own free time and will never make a dime from it. Now let me add. If you are looking at this transcript, save it, copy it, send it to your friends. Unlike other transcribers, who I have nothing but respect for, if you see any mistakes that might be in this transcript, feel free to correct them, or if you just want to personalize it to suit yourself, by all means. Hell I do it. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **Transcriber's notes: Tonight, the role of Buffy Summers will be played by Eliza Dushku. For the sake of this transcript, the transcriber will refer to Faith-in-Buffy's-body as just Faith and Buffy-in-Faith's-body as just Buffy. Fade in. Night. Exterior sh*t of the Summers home, shortly after “This Year's Girl” ended. Several police cars are out in front of the house, strobing the neighborhood with their red lights. An ambulance is parked on the lawn, it's rear doors open and facing the house. A few curious neighbors have also gathered. A plainclothes detective (same one from last episode) is talking to the young woman he thinks is Buffy Summers. They're standing close to the steps of the front porch. Joyce Summers is walking out of the house and drapes a coat around her daughter's shoulders. Detective: It's good you called. We've been looking for this girl since she broke out of the hospital. Joyce: What's going to happen to her? Detective: Well, get her checked out. If she's in s*ab condition, she goes to jail, pending trial. Joyce: I just hope she gets some kind of help. Behind them, the paramedics are wheeling a gurney out the front door. Faith's body is strapped to it. She's barely conscious. Detective: The first thing is to keep her from hurting anybody else. As it's taken past Joyce and her daughter the brunette looks at them with half-opened eyes. From her blurring POV she sees the younger blonde take her mother's hand and lift it, casually, to make sure she sees this. Then her vision fades as she loses consciousness. The paramedics load her into the ambulance. Detective: Well, you guys will be safe now. We may have a couple of questions in the morning. Joyce: Oh, uh, of course. Detective: Thank you both. I'm glad we finally got the kid. Faith: (sharply) She's not a kid. (sees the detective's surprised look) I just mean that she's very strong. Detective: Yeah. This Faith chick-- definitely dangerous. With that, the detective turns and walks toward one of the squad cars. Joyce heads back into the house, but Faith stands there watching the ambulance pull out of the drive way. Faith: She truly is. Faith turns, in her new body, and starts walking back to the house. Wolf's howl. Buffy theme and credits roll. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Part One ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Interior of the Summers home. The last of the police have left and Joyce is closing the front door. Faith is casually walking into the living room stretching her arms. Joyce: Faith. Startled, Faith spins around to face her, slight panic on her face. But Joyce has a thoughtful expression. Joyce: Why do you think she's like that? Faith: (offhandedly) Well, you know. She's a nut job. Heh. Joyce: I just don't understand what could drive a person to that kind of behavior. Faith: Well, how do you know she got drove? I mean, maybe she likes being that way. Joyce: I'll never believe that. I think she's horribly unhappy. Faith: Well, could be things are looking up. I mean, a little stint in the pokey, show her the error of her ways. (slight grin) I'm sure there's some big old Bertha just waiting to shower her ripe little self with affection. Joyce: (shocked) Buffy! Faith: (oops) I'm sorry, Mom. It's just . . . (crosses the room to Joyce playing “concerned daughter”) when I think about how she might have hurt you, I just . . . I can't stand it. Touched, Joyce smiles and gives her a big hug. Over her shoulder we can see Faith grimace in discomfort at this mushy affection. She pulls away and heads towards the stairs. Joyce: (slightly hurt) Sorry. Faith: (makes of show of stretching her shoulders) No, I'm just, uh, sore from the fight. In front of the stairs, she faces her. Joyce: I've missed you. Faith: 'Cause I haven't visited, right? (smug) I knew it. Joyce: I know how it is. You've . . . got so much in your life now. Faith: I'm a busy little beaver. College and all. Joyce: (nods) Of course. (hopefully) But, um, maybe we could spend some time together soon? Some night when I'm not being held hostage by a raving psychotic. Faith: (pause) Count on it. (smiles) I'm gonna take a bath. She turns abruptly and heads upstairs. Cut to Faith in the tub, having a bubble bath. She sighs with her eyes closed. Then she raises her arms out of the water to examine them. She lifts her left leg straight up to look at it and smiles, caressing it with her hands. Faith lowers the leg back in the water and scoops two handfuls of suds and blows the bubbles into the air. Cut to Faith looking at Buffy's reflection in the mirror, from the mirror's POV. Her hair is hanging wet on her shoulders and she has a towel wrapped around herself. She turns her head to the right then to the left. She leans towards the mirror for a closer look and scrunches her face. She relaxes her features then uses her index fingers to push her eyebrows high on her forehead. Next, she opens her mouth wide to stick her tongue out. Again she uses her index fingers to raise her top lip, looking at Buffy's very white teeth. Cut to a few frames later, still in front of the mirror. Faith is speaking in a pleasant “stewardess” voice. Faith: Why, yes, I would be Buffy. May I help you? Cut to a few frames later. Faith: (practicing) Buf-fy. Cut to Faith sticking her tongue out again, head tilted to the side. Cut to Faith running her fingers through Buffy's wet hair, then puts forth an admonishing finger as if speaking to a child. Faith: (scolding) You can't do that! It's wrong. Cut to a few frames later. Faith: (sensitive) You can't do that, because it's naughty. (grimaces) A few more frames. Faith: (stern) Because it's wrong. Cut. Faith: (empathy) Because it's wrong. Another cut. Faith is walking a few feet away from the mirror then suddenly whips around to face it, pointing at it with her hand in a g*n shape. Faith: (bad-ass tone) You can't do that! It's wrong! I'll kick your ass! Cut to same sh*t. Still pointing at the mirror. Faith: I'm gonna k*ll you! Cut to Faith leaning closer to the mirror as a voice-over of evil laughter is heard and we-- Cut to the hospital. We see a burly male nurse come crashing across the room, hitting the counter, and he falls to the floor. He just had his ass thrown. Faith's voice: (OS) Let me go! Let me go! Camera pans and we see who appears to be Faith thrashing in a bed trying to free herself from the men who are holding her down. The doctor hurries away from the bed as a police officer, the detective, and two orderlies restrain the young woman. It's all they can do to keep her on the bed. Doctor: Get me a sedative, NOW! Detective: Hold her! Buffy: (yelling) I have to go home! She's with my mother! The doctor returns and clamps a hand on her arm to still it and shoves a syringe needle into her vein. Buffy: NO! Doctor: Just lie still. Buffy: (weakening voice) You don't understand. Detective: Keep holding her. Her struggles quickly lessen as the drug takes effect. Buffy: (fading) She's taken my-- my body. Unable to keep her eyes open her head falls back. Cut to Tara's dimly lit room. Willow is laying on the bed, hands folded across her stomach. Tara is sitting on the other side of the bed reading tarot cards. Willow: I wonder where she is? Tara: Who? Faith? Willow: Yeah. I wish she would make a move. She's making my stomach all acidy. Tara: But you think Buffy can handle her? Willow sits up to face her. Willow: I think so. (worried) But that doesn't mean Faith won't hurt someone else. Tara: Well, you should be safe. Nobody knows you're here. I mean . . . they don't even know I exist, right? I know all about them, but . . . Willow: Hey. Willow puts a gentle hand on Tara's knee. Tara continues in a “no big deal” tone. Tara: I mean, I mean, th-that's totally cool. I mean, it-it's good. It's . . . it's better. But Willow can see through this. Willow: Tara, it's not like I don't want my friends to know you. It's just . . . well, Buffy's like my best friend, and she's really special. And . . there's this whole bunch of us, and-and we sort of have this group thing that revolves around the slaying, and-and I-I really want you to meet them. But I-I just kinda like having something that's just, you know . . . mine. Tara regards her silently for a moment. Willow: And I-I usually don't use so many words to say stuff that little, but (laughs softly) do you get it at all? Tara: I do. Willow takes a deep breath. Willow: I should check in with Giles, get a situation update. She gets up and rounds the bed to the other side of the room behind Tara. Tara: I am, you know. Willow stops to face her. Willow: What? Tara looks over her shoulder at her. Tara: (meaningfully) Yours. Willow just smiles at this. Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Faith is standing in front of the full-length mirror checking out Buffy's reflection. She's dressed in a long, sleek black t*nk top and black leather pants and boots. Buffy's hair is in wavy curls (her “Something Blue” hair). Reaching into the shirt, she adjusts Buffy's breasts to a more perky position then puts her hands on her hips to inspect the improved cleavage. Faith: Not too bad. Faith turns to Buffy's dresser and begins to search it. In the first drawer she opens she finds Buffy's passport and flips through it. Faith: Score.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x16 - Who Are You"}

foreverdreaming

PROLOGUE Night. A park like graveyard. Buffy rolls backward. She is on her feet to meet a snarling bald vampire that leaps and spins and kicks at Buffy's head. Then it kicks her in the stomach, driving her back. It snarls and rushes her and she punches it rapidly perhaps five times. The vampire spins and backhands Buffy knocking her down. It rushes her and she kicks with both legs knocking it back. Buffy: "Xander, Anya!" The bald vampire rolls over backwards. Willow from the bushes, cries a warning. Willow: "Buffy another one!" A second vampire, a dark-haired one, snarls and grabs at the still prone Buffy and she flips it over. As the bald vampire comes to its feet Xander grabs it from behind by the jacket and Anya tries to hold (?) it from the front. Buffy kicks the dark-haired vampire in the face and he gets up and runs away. Willow: "Buffy!" Willow flips Buffy, who has gotten up, a stake. Buffy catches it. It is unclear whether Xander and Anya release the vampire they are struggling with or if it breaks free. Regardless, it moves toward Buffy and she stakes it but flinches as she does so. The staking seemed almost awkward. Buffy: "Where's the other one?" Xander (pointing): "Scampered like a big <bumpy> bunny." Anya (also pointing): "In there." The four of them run in the same direction as the vampire did. Interior of a large crypt. Five vampires are feeding off of a single victim. Sucking sounds are heard. Buffy, holding a stake looks back worriedly at Xander, Willow and Anya. They have stopped descending a staircase and are looking at the vampires. Cut to exterior. The scoobies exit from the crypt looking depressed. Willow: "I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin." Buffy: "A nest. No biggie. I bet I could do it. I know could take at least two." Anya: "Yes and we could run for help while the other three suck your heart out through your neck." Buffy: "You're right. It's too many for just us. You know who we need." Cut to exterior view of mansion. Cut to overhead view in a large room. Buffy and the scoobies walk slowly, as supplicants, towards a desk. Buffy: "Uh, hi. We have a problem." The chair behind the desk spins around to reveal the short, stocky Jonathan, dressed very sharply in a black turtle neck. [A guitar makes a Bondlike twang.] Jonathan is smiling and exuding confidence. Jonathan: "Sounds like you could use my help." [A trumpet blares playfully.] [*The opening credits are interspersed with about 10 scenes of Jonathan. The final segment contains cuts of Jonathan approaching the camera with a duster or long coat bilowing behind him.*] [*Guest stars Danny Strong, Amber Benson, Bailey Chase, Robert Patrick Benedict John Saint Ryan ,George Hertzberg, Emma Caulfield as Anya*] [*Written by Jane Espenson. Directed by David Grossman.*] [ACT 1] The interior of Giles' apartment Buffy: "Huff." She is practicing her forms. She does a sequence of punches. Giles is reading a book. Anya is working on a milk carton. Jonathan is holding a p*stol crossbow and checking it out. Willow is working on a laptop computer. Xander is walking toward Anya. He stops. He practices drawing at stake and making a s*ab motion with it. As he does it he makes whooshing sounds. Xander: "Sshh! Sssh! Quick draws about more than speed. It's also about pointing a stake the right way." [He quickdraws again.] "Sshh! Sssh! And there can be splinter issues. It is a true test of dexterity." Anya extends the quart sized milk carton. Anya [to Xander]: "Can you open this?" Xander: "No, I tear it and it gets all sloshy." [He quickdraws again.] "Sshh! Sssh!" Buffy: "Thanks for doing this Jonathan, I-I wouldn't ask but..." Jonathan: "Hey don't worry about it. Nest full of vampires, you come get me, ok. Box full of puppies, that's more of a judgement call." Buffy laughs with him. Jonathan: "h*t me." Buffy att*cks and Jonathan blocks one or two of her punches and stops short of landing a counterpunch. Buffy: "You got me. It was very... punchy." Jonathan: "Watch out for southpaws Buff. Don't let 'em surprise you." Giles looks up from his book. Giles: "Haven't found a reference to any, uh, rituals seems more like a-a family meal if you will." Buffy: "And they say no one eats <with the tv> on anymore." Jonathan: "Thanks Rupert." [Puts his hand on Giles' shoulder.] "Well it's good to know we're not walking into the unholy feast of something or other." [Removes hand.] Willow: "Oh Jonathan I'm in." [Jonathan walks over to Willow.] "Schematics for the crypt, part of the original plan for the cemetery sometime there's a ... Oh no back way in, just the one entrance." Buffy (rapidly): "Well maybe we could make it work for us we could stake out the entrance you know, uh, maybe use a decoy, [faster still] lure them out." Jonathan: "Or I bet..." [He reaches to the computer.] "There! We can get in that way." Buffy is upset. Willow is impressed. Willow: "Oh of course why didn't I think of that." Jonathan: "I'm sure you would have." Willow (smiles and coos): "Ooh." Jonathan: "I think we have a plan" [hands Xander a crossbow and flips Anya a stake] "Buffy," [flips her a stake] "you go in first, let em get a look at the slayer. Xander," [looks at chessboard] "The <?Nimsilitz?> defense. Let's see if I remember" [moves piece] "hmmm mmm, mate in four. You almost got me that time Rupert." Giles is disbelieving. Jonathan: "Xander, Willow and Anya you back up Buffy. I'll be the surprise guest. Everyone lets show these fiends that they came to the wrong town." Cut to Interior of crypt. A vampire rises from feeding and looks. An twanging and whoosh is heard and an arrow thunks into it's chest and it turns to dust. Three more vampires rise together and see Buffy, Anya, Xander and Willow. A figure crashes through the skylight. Jonathan lands and fires his mini-crossbow hitting a another vampire in the chest. Vampire: "Arrggh." The last three vampires charge. One is grabbed by the scoobies. Jonathan fires again. A thunk is heard. Buffy stakes a vampire vampire. The remaining vampire breaks free from the scoobies and slaps the stake out of Buffy's hand and rushes past her. Willow: "Buffy, he's getting away!" Jonathan does a flip, then aims and fires. Buffy turns to see the last vampire get h*t and turn to dust. Buffy: "I should have gotten that one." Jonathan: "You got two of them. And that second one was ready for you." [Smiles.] "You should feel pretty good." Buffy [distressed]: "But I let one get by me." Jonathan: "Don't worry. You know it only matters that you do your best." Jonathan walks past her. Buffy: "But that's just it." [Cut to the outside.] "I don't think it was my best." Cacaphony of five or more photographers: "Hey, Jonathan, over here, <take a sh*t>, quick photo, please another one, right here." Jonathan: "Ok guys that's enough." Xander: "I think did great. We knocked em d*ad. Which they already were." Willow: "We knocked 'em deader!" Anya: "They weren't very well organized. If they had all rushed at Buffy they could have k*lled her right away." Buffy: "Thanks Anya. That won't keep me awake all night." Jonathan: "Vampires only form nests to make hunting easier. They're not big on the cooperation. They mostly like to hang out all creepy and alone in the shadows. Don't you agree... " [turning head] "Spike?" [Sinister guitar music.] Spike steps out from behind a bush. Spike: "Well, well the man himself." Jonathan: "What are you doing here?" Jonathan and Spike circle each other slowly. [The sinister guitar music resumes and continues] Spike: "I live here. I wasn't exactly pining for a noisy visit from 'wonder Jonathan and his fluffy battle kittens'." Buffy: "Yeah? You think that one up with all the time you spend not being able to bite people?" Jonathan: "Careful, he's still pretty dangerous." Spike: "Yeah, back off 'Betty.'" Buffy: "It's Buffy, you big bleached..." [music ends] "stupid guy." Jonathan: "Spike you're the worst type of scum. The second you're back to your old tricks well, let's just say before you even sniff out your first victim you'll be pretty indistinguishable from, oh what should we say... instant soup mix." [One last chord of sinister guitar music.] Cut to Tara's room. Willow and Tara are sitting. Willow: "Next thing I know this crazed vamp is like running right at me and I know if it gets past me there's no telling who's in danger next." Tara: "Come on you have fun. Admit it - living the scooby life." Willow: "I was going for a kind of stoic bravery but yeah. And it was exciting with the ceiling coming in and everything..." Willow puts tape on a small piece of paper. Willow sticks the paper on something. Tara: "Oh, that's a cute one! A-and Buffy she was ok?" Willow: "Oh she was great! Twang! Poof!" [Tara looks confused.] That was the sound - the crossbow, vampire dusting. I mean she was a little cranky that she missed that one vamp." Tara: "W-Well, I-I kind of meant personally." [Tara sticks something on the wall.] "That whole thing with Faith it pretty much freaked me out and I was just sensing it from a distance." Willow: "Oh yeah I know she's not over the whole Riley sleeping with Faith thing. Oh.. you know I mean - Faith's insides and Buffy's outsides when her insides were out." The camera angle changes to reveal they are working on a large montage of Jonathan photos on the wall. Tara: "I hope they'll be ok." Willow: "I sure it'll blow over. They're probably all with the smoochies right now." Cut to Riley's room. Riley is picking up a toy basketball. He has one in in each hand. Buffy (sitting on bed): "You must be feeling better." Riley tosses the toy ball through a hoop. Underneath the hoop is a poster of Jonathan in a basketball outfit. Riley catches the ball as it bounces back to him. Riley: "Yeah yeah. I'm a lot stronger. I'm no Jonathan but I'm doing ok." Buffy: "Are you? I mean you're not?" Riley: "What?" Buffy: "Eating the Initiatives' technicolor food of strongness." Riley: "No, un unnh. They, uh, they swear they've stopping treating the food but I'm not taking the chance. You know I uh, I don't know if that means I'll get weaker or dumber.. or smarter" Buffy: "They're not big with the disclosure, hunh?" Riley: "They still haven't released a full profile on Adam. And we're having zero luck tracking him. I just... If they'd just put a little trust in me <and/then> I know I could get the job done." Buffy: "I've felt that way my entire life." Riley sits beside Buffy. Uneasy, Buffy stands. She misses a basket. Buffy: "<You'd> think I could do that. Guess it takes different muscles than demon beheading." Riley: "You just need a few pointers." Riley stands and moves behind Buffy. She becomes uneasy again. Buffy: "Now if slaying was a competitive sport, then I'd have a chance. You know we could have figure staking and speed staking. I.. " [She becomes more uneasy and turns bumping the still injured Riley.] "AShhh, sorry I, this just isn't my game, I gotta..." She leaves. Cut to a coffee shop. Buffy is pouring cream in a huge cup of coffee. Buffy: "It's all Faith's fault. She's like poison. No worse, she's like acid that eats through everything. [Buffy switches to pouring sugar.] Maybe she's a b*mb. [Buffy stirs.] The point is everything was going along great with Riley and then she comes along and messes everything up. [Buffy hands the cup of coffee to Jonathan.] Jonathan is dressed in a very dapper suit with a lime green shirt and a hankerchief in his breast pocket that matches his tie. Jonathan: "Buffy you know what I think: I don't think this about you being angry with Faith, I think you're angry with Riley." Girl: "Hi, could you please?" Jonathan accepts a pen and a notepad from a blonde girl who can't stop grinning. Jonathan: "Sure." [Jonathan signs an autograph.] Jonathan: "I mean you have this amazing connection with him " [He hands the autograph back to the girl.] Girl: Thank you. Jonathan: "and then at the one moment when it matters the most he looks into your eyes and he doesn't even see that it's not you looking back at him." Buffy: "There's no way he could know. I mean you don't just look at someone and say 'Hey that's not your body, get out of that body with your hands up!'" [She gestures with her hands up.] Jonathan: "I know you know that. But you have to believe it! Buffy if there's any part of you that's blaming Riley for what happened, it seems like there's a part of you that needs to forgive him." Karen: "You're Jonathan Levinson! Oh my god! Oh my god! My name is Karen and I think you're.. You're wonderful! Oh my god!" Karen is holding a book which has a picture of Jonathan on the back cover. Jonathan: "Hi Karen, thank you. Oh, is that my book? Well I could, uh" [He reaches for a pen.] Karen: "Yeah please I-I didn't want to bother you! It's Karen with a K!" Joanthan takes the book and signs it. He hands it back to Karen who examines it for a moment. Karen: "Thank you!... So much! Thanks!" She runs off. Jonathan: "So what do think Buffy? I mean if I'm wrong smack me. Karen with a k will lend you a book and it's pretty heavy. Heh." He sips the coffee. Buffy: "Maybe I have been blaming him. But how do I get past it? Hmmph. What if it's too late? what if after all this he doesn't want me anymore?" Jonathan: "He does. It's not going to be easy Buffy, but you guys are very special together. That's worth a little hard work." He stands and walks away. Buffy stands, reaches into her pocket and leaves some money on the table. Buffy: "But I'm not even sure if I know how to talk to him anymore. How do I make it ok again?" Jonathan: "If you really want it" [The camera angle on Jonathan changes so a billboard of Jonathan hawking tennis shoes is visible. "Light as a feather" is the slogan.] "you can make anything happen." Cut to the Initiative A man in a full dress uniform is addressing slightly more than a dozen military members of the Iniatiative before a table. Not all of the military can be next to the table. Colonel: "For those of you who don't already know my name is Colonel George <Halliwell>. I'm commanding officer here until such time as the facility review is completed. This review does not mean our primary mission is changed in any way. Recovery of the hostile known as Adam is our first and most important job. To this end I've asked our tactical consultant here to address us today. Mr. Levinson." Jonathan steps up, previously hidden by much taller members of the Initiative. Jonathan: "Thank you, colonel." Graham [aside to Riley]: "It's about time we brought out the big g*n." Jonathan unfolds a schematic of a skeltetal structure and spreads it on the table. Jonathan: "Men, before we can locate Adam we need to understand him better. And there's something that's bothered me almost from the start. He doesn't eat. We've known him to k*ll but never to eat the k*ll. So I've pulled some of Professor Walsh's original design schematics and I've found something - his power source is not biological at all. It's here" [points to center of chest in the skeletal schematic.] "The design attempts to hide it, but I believe that there's a small reservoir of uranium 235." Riley: "Sir, how long will it last?" Jonathan: "Essentially forever. It also means that cutting off his head is useless. k*lling Adam means annihilating him completely. But first we have to find him." Karen with binoculars is spying on Jonathan's mansion, looking in his windows. Karen: "Where are you Jonathan? Are you like, never home?" Her view goes dark and she lowers the binoculars to see a growling monster coming toward her with an arm raised to strike. She screams. The monster is whiteish tan with very long arms and clawlike hands. It is bald and has fangs and a mark on its foreheard. [ACT 2] The monster also has a brown mane? down its back. Karen screams. The monster knock her down with a swipe. It holds her with one paw or hand and swings at her with the other. She swings at the monster and hits it with her binoculars, knocking it down. She runs off . The monster jumps up chittering and snarling. She drops her binoculars as she runs, splashing through the wet grass. Cut to the Initiative. Jonathan and Riley. Jonathan: "She's ready to forget it. You better be ready too." [He ties a black cloth around his neck.] Riley: "I don't know Jonathan. I mean I don't know if she'll really ever forget it. Every time I try to touch her..." Jonathan: "She's scared." Riley: "Scared of me?" Jonathan: "Scared of what you're thinking about." Riley: "What do you mean?" Jonathan: "She knows that Faith is ... experienced." [He pushes a clip into the p*stol and cocks it.] Riley: "What are you saying... experienced? God! Does she think that - what - that I'd be comparing? She knows she's the one I... care about." Jonathan: "Have you let her know that?" Riley: "I think I - Haven't I? - She has to know" Jonathan: "People can't always see what's right in front of them." Jonathan has blindfolded himself and he aims the p*stol toward three members of the Initiative who have apples on their heads. (As humorous/ironic? trumpet music plays. The music continues as the scene changes.) Cut to the Bronze: Band: "Witch doctor. <?stirred it up for me?> I took sips from your sweet lips and now I can't get free. Trapped in a web of love. Trapped in a web of love." Anya, Xander, Riley and Buffy are sitting at a table. Willow and Anya are standing and listening to the band. Anya: "Did not." Xander: "Last night with me you said Jonathan." Anya: "It was a moan!" Xander: "Fine! You moaned Jonathan!" Anya: "Not unh! It was like unnh-unnh-atha." Xander: "Maybe it was ahh-onathan. Still not fluffing up the old ego." Riley: "Quite the couple, aren't they?" Buffy: "They get into a fistfight, I've got a fifty on Anya." Riley: "Wonder if they'll make it?" Buffy looks at Riley. The song ends. The audience applauds. Jonathan, dressed in a white jacketed tuxedo, comes to the microphone. Jonathan: "Good evening everyone. I'd to dedicate this to some friends of mine - a very special couple who've been going through a tough time." Some of the audience coos: "Ohhh." Jonathan [sings]: "When I hear that serenade in blue I'm somewhere in another world alone with you." [Riley stands and extends his hand to Buffy.] "Sharing all the joys we used to know Many moons ago" [Buffy takes his hand and they move to the dance floor.] "Once again your face comes back to me" [They start to dance. Buffy puts her head on Riley's shoulder and puts her hand on his back, holding him a little tighter.] "Just like the theme of some forgotten melody In the album of my memory " [Tara and Willow smile, enjoying the song.] "Serenade in blue" [The melody becomes more up tempo.] "Seems like only yesterday A small café, a crowded floor" [Again Buffy hugs Riley.] "And as we danced the night away I hear you say forever more And then the song became a sigh" [Anya cuddles or caresses Xander while looking at the stage.] "Forever more became goodbye But you remain in my heart" [The melody resumes it's original tempo.] "Tell me darling is there still a spot." [Singing continues in the background.] Riley: "Buffy I want you to know." Buffy: "Do we have to have the talk? No talk, more dance." Riley: "I just want to say I'm sorry. That's it's only you that I want." Buffy: "I know. I know all of that." Riley: "You do?" [Buffy nods.] "Since when?" Buffy: "Since you put your arms around me." The song ends. Applause is heard. Jonathan blows a trumpet Tara: "Oh my god!. He's going to do something off the new album." Anya: "Xander." She is staring raptly at Jonathan. Xander: "Yeah." Anya: "Let's go have sex now." Cut to Xander who is also staring raptly at Jonathan. Xander: "Yeah, ok." They walk off, holding hands, neither taking their eyes from Jonathan until the last possible moment. Karen rushes in and Buffy takes her arm. Buffy: "Oh! What is it? Are you ok?" Jonathan stops playing, waves cut to the band and jumps down off the stage. Jonathan: "Karen, that's your name isn't it? I-I signed my book for you." [He holds her arms.] "Tell me what hurt you Karen. I can help." Cut to the interior of Jonathan's mansion. Jonathan [leading Karen to fireplace]: "Let's get you warmed up." Buffy [to a policeman]: "What's going on, why are you here?" Riley is beside Buffy. In a different room, another policeman is visible through glass. Policeman: "Mr. Levinson, someone on your staff reported a disturbance." [A third policeman is visible in the room.] "When I realized it was on your property I thought I'd better come down in person." Jonathan: "That's all right sergeant. I have it under control." Sergeant: "Of course sir. Glad to see you're alright." Jonathan: "Karen I know you're scared, but I need to hear your description again." Karen: "It was ugly - big ugly - all bent over sort of with these... huge arms and like... scabs and stuff." Jonathan: "That must have been very frightening. I'm so sorry." Karen: "Oh! Oh! I forgot. It had a mark!" Jonathan: "A mark?" Karen: "On it's forehead, like a symbol." Riley hands her pen and a notepad and she draws the symbol. A triangle with a six pointed star or asterisk in it. Jonathan takes the notepad and rises. His confidence and warmth have evaporated. Jonathan: "Well. This is a clue." Buffy (sensing something): "Jonathan?" Jonathan [in the calm voice]: "I've heard of this. It's not a demon, just a monster not much more than an animal. It sticks to the woods, doesn't come near populated areas." Buffy: "But it did this time, it might again." [Eager.] "Maybe we should patrol." Riley [eager to please]: "If you want me to mobilize the squad." Jonathan: "Actually I think Karen simply startled it. Probably more afraid of you then were of it. I'll patrol but you don't need to worry about it. I can handle it on my own. Now let's see about getting Karen a ride home." Buffy looks suspicious. Cut to a library? Pan past a disemboweled body to Adam and a vampire. Adam is sitting in front of five screens showing television scenes. Two of the screens have visible computers attached. Vampire: "I wish you'd get rid of that body. The smell's making me hungry." Adam: "You wouldn't want it. It had a blood disease. It didn't know it but it would have been d*ad within the year. Humans sense so little of what they carry inside." Vampire: "Oh alright. Well, you're the evil messiah guy, so henh. Oh hey there's something new in town, yeah, att*cked a girl, caused a little fuss. Oh, he was there. Pfft!" He has gestured to television images of Jonathan. Vampire: "Jonathan." Adam: "Jonathan. Tell me who is he?" Vampire: "Henh, you're joking right? Jonathan is Jonathan. Look." All five screens or televisions seem to have scenes of Jonathan. Adam: "These are lies." [He turns off the tvs.] "None of this is real. The world has been changed. It's intriguing but it's wrong." The vampire looks back and forth. Vampire: "Feels ok to me." Adam: "You're under his spell just like the others. I seem to be the only one who is not." Vampire: "Really? And what makes you so special?" Adam: "I'm aware. I know every molecule of myself and everything around me. No one - no human, no demon - has ever been as awake and alive as I am. You are all just shadows." Vampire: "Oh. So what do - what do you do now?" [enthused] "Hey you could k*ll Jonathan!" [Shakes head.] "Well, or you could try. The guy's like a dynamo of action." Adam: "I don't need to do anything. These magicks are unstable, corrosive. They will inevitably lead to chaos. And I am interested in chaos." Cut to Jonathan staring in the f*re in his mansion. The music is perhaps pensive. The camera revolves around him slowly. A blonde girl in some printed lingerie comes to a landing and looks down at him. Girl (in a Nordic? accent): "Jonathan aren't you coming to bed?" Her twin comes up beside her. Twin (in a Nordic? accent): "Yeah it's getting late." Jonathan: "Be right there." He removes his robe revealing the same triangle with the six pointed asterisk in it that the monster has on it's forehead. The symbol has been scarred on the back of his left shoulderblade. Cut to campus lawns. Night. Buffy, Willow and Tara are walking. Willow: "I'm glad you're ok. Everyone in the Bronze was pretty freaked out after you left.' Tara: "So I guess you have go fight this thing, hunh?" Willow: "All the w*apon are at Giles'. It shouldn't take too long." Buffy: "No go." Willow: "Did you just go 'no go'?" Buffy: "Jonathan did. He said it was some brainless beasty and that he would take care of it himself." Willow: "Oh cool." Buffy: "I guess. I don't know he just... he seemed a little scared." Willow: "Henh! Buffy this is Jonathan. You know he doesn't get scared. You talked about it when you gave him the class protector award at the prom." Buffy: "You're right." Tara: "Ummm, my exit. Willow, I-I'll see you tomorrow." Willow takes Tara by the forearm briefly. Willow: "Ok." Tara walks off. Willow: "So. Saw you and Riley, with the dancing." Buffy: "It was a great dance. Willow?: "<Yeah.>" Buffy: "For the first time it felt like Faith wasn't there. Like no one was there but us." Cut to interior halls. Tara, walking alone in the halls, hears something and she walks more quickly. Double doors in front of her crash open and the monster is there. The monster backhands her and she falls. It swipes at her as she is on her back and she holds her hands up defensively. [ACT 3] Tara slides on the floor as she was pushed from behind or ran forward and fell. She turns back toward the monster and chants desperately as she scuttles backwards on her hands, bottom and heels. Tara: "<Sensus> <confundomtor> <era> <ah> <pleator> <obscurator>" She holds her arms out and dust or smoke springs from her arms blinding the monster. The monster chitters as it waves at the dust. Tara gets up and runs into a Janitor's closet. The lock clicks. The monster bangs on the door. Cut to Tara's room. Knocking. Willow lets Buffy in. Buffy: "What's going on?" [She sees Tara laying on the bed. Tara has scratches and abrasions.] "Oh my god." Tara lies on the bed in a semi-fetal position, shivering. Willow: "She's gonna be ok, but she's terrified." Buffy: "What happened? What did this?" Willow: "Someone found her in the janitor's closet about an hour ago. I-I think she was there all night - she was all alone." Buffy: "Tara, what did this?" Tara: "Big, lumpy. had something on its - on its head. Like a Greek letter only not." Buffy takes some paper and draws the symbol that Karen did. Buffy: "This, was it this?" Tara nods. Willow: "Buffy Jonathan said we were all safe. ***Jonathan said it.***" Cut to a street. Buffy walks and thinks. In the background is poster after poster of "JONATHAN.COM". Cut to Xander's basement. Anya is standing in the doorway. Anya: "Xander's not here." Buffy: "Oh." Anya: "You're not going away. Why aren't you going away?" Buffy: "Oh I was kind of hoping to look at some of Xander's stuff." Anya: "Oh." [Smiles] "Sure. Come on in." [Waves Buffy in.] "Make yourself at home. And so on." Anya sits on the couch and starts reading Jonathan's book. Buffy sees a poster of Jonathan, a Jonathan comic and lots of trading cards of Jonathan. Many pictures of Jonathan adorn the walls. After looking around Buffy sits on a table or couch arm near Anya. Anya: "Oh you're still here." [smiles faintly] "That's nice." Buffy: "May I ask you something? Does it every seem just a little strange that Jonathan is so good at everything?" Anya (shrugs): "He's Jonathan" She resumes reading the book. Buffy takes the book. Anya: "Hey! I was just at the part where he invented the internet." Buffy: "Anya he fights better than I do. And I'm the slayer." [Points to self] "The Slayer! That's supposed to mean something right?" Anya: "Oh! buck up you." [She punches Buffy in the arm very softly.] "You k*ll the best." [She makes rah rah gestures.] "Go you. k*ll, k*ll." Buffy: "Actually not needing validation right now, but thank you." Buffy: "He just seems too perfect." [She looks at the book which is titled 'Oh Jonathan' an autobiography.] "I don't know." Anya: "So I can have my book back?" Buffy: "Anya when you were a demon, you granted wishes right?" Anya: "Vengeance wishes on ex boyfriends. I'd wish he was a dog or ugly or in love with president McKinley or something." Buffy: "But someone could wish the whole world to be different right? That's possible?" Anya: "Sure, alternate realities. You could uh, could have like a world without shrimp. Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make like a freaky world where Jonathan's some kind of not perfect mouth breather if that's what's bl*wing up your skirt these days. Just don't ask me to live there! Now if I, uh, could just have book back you could be on your way someplace else?" Buffy (handing back book): "Here." Cut to Giles' apartment. Buffy is addressing Riley, Giles, Xander, Anya and Willow. Buffy: "I'm just saying it doesn't make any sense. H-he starred in the Matrix but he never left town. And how'd he graduate from med school? He's only eighteen years old." Xander: "Effective time management?" Giles: "I-I'm sorry Buffy, <but> I just don't understand what you're trying to say." Anya: "Yeah and when is Jonathan going to get here and start the meeting?" Buffy: "This is the meeting." Willow: "This is the meeting?" Buffy: "Well, I was just kind of wondering if maybe anyone thought that Jonathan was kind of too perfect?" Xander: "No he's not! He's just perfect enough! He crushed the bones of the master, he blew up a big snake made out of mayor and he coached the U.S. women's soccer team to stunning World Cup victory! We saw him doing those things!" Buffy: "But that's just it. I'm not entirely sure that we can trust our memories. Anya tell them about the alternate universes." Anya: "Oh ok. Umm. Say you really like shrimp a lot. Or we could say you don't like shrimp at all." [Giles nods but keeps eating.] Anya: "Blah I wish there weren't any shrimp you would say to yourself." Buffy: "Stop you're saying it wrong! I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world and we're all like his pawns." Anya: "Or prawns." Buffy stares at Anya. Buffy: "Stop with the shrimp I am trying to do something here!" Giles (still eating): "Of course, but it may be a little out of your depth." Buffy: "I'm not." Riley: "Sounds like nonsense." [Buffy looks discouraged.] "But I'm starting to know this girl pretty well [he stands, walks and stops beside Buffy] and I think she sees things that the rest of us don't. I think, for once, we should follow her lead." Buffy: "Ok. I think Jonathan might be ignoring evidence. I think he might have let Tara get hurt." Willow: "On purpose?" Buffy: "No! No." Giles: "How did he ignore evidence?" Buffy: "The monster had a mark on it. Jonathan saw it a-and he kind of... blinked." Xander: "He blinked? The man moistened his eyeballs and we're having a meeting about it." Buffy: "Wuh. He knows something about the monster. He was reacting to the mark. Oh! [jumps up] Wait, I remember something. Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?" Giles: "No." Buffy frowns in confusion and stares at Giles. Giles: "Yes. It was a gift." All move to look at calender. Buffy (flipping the month of the calendar): "No. No. Whoah! No. There." Willow (dismayed): "Oh." Anya: "Yeah. Pretty darn lickable." Willow: "The other kind of oh. That's it that's what Tara saw." Riley: "Why would Jonathan have the same mark as the monster?" Buffy: "I don't know. But he's definitely keeping.." Jonathan (standing in doorway): "Is this a private conversation... or can Mr. July sit in?" Again he is dressed in a very sharp suit/shirt tie combination. Buffy: "Jonathan!" Anya (rapidly): "Hi. Buffy was just saying how you had a monster cut up Willow's friend and.." Buffy turns suddenly to Anya. Anya silently mouths "What?" Jonathan: "Buffy?" Buffy: "No!" [Closes door] "It's just ... the mark. You said it was safe.. and it wasn't. I'm sorry.. I just don't understand." Jonathan: "Then I'll explain." [All sit or take positions to listen.] Jonathan: "Buffy is right." Xander [distressed]: "No!" Willow looks upset. Jonathan: "I do have a history with the creature. The monster. The problem is every time I face it my mind becomes sort of confused. There's some kind of power it possesses." Xander: "Oh! oh! He's like your kryptonite." Jonathan: "Maybe. I just knows it takes all my energy to try and fight the confusion. That's why I had his mark tattooed on me so that I wouldn't underestimate it next time." Buffy is suspicious. Riley [satisified]: "This does explain everything." Xander: "I knew you wouldn't do anything on purpose. Willow [relieved and smiling]: "Me too! And that whole alternate universe thing was too freaky!" Buffy: "Jonathan let's go after the monster. Right now, you and me." Jonathan: "I'm sure it's left town by now. That's been its pattern." Buffy : "We can try." Jonathan [not confident]: "Sure. Lets do that." Anya?: "Bye Jonathan." Jonathan: "Goodbye." They leave. Cut to graveyard. Spike: "Oh look Jonathan. Taking the little sidekick out for a walk, are we?" Buffy: "Shut up Spike." Spike laughs: "Ooh ooh ooh! Semi harsh language from Betty! You're feisty when the big guy standing beside you. [sighs] Someday sweet slayer." [He puts a hand on Buffy's hair.] "I would love to take you on." [He moves his hand to her neck and just below her throat.] "See you face the evil alone for once." As he starts to move his hand lower Jonathan grabs Spike's wrist and shoves him back against a nearby crypt. Jonathan: "That's enough of the creepy small talk! We're looking for a monster." Spike: "Why would I know about that?" Jonathan: "Every demon in this town's g*n for you right now so I figure you're probably keeping pretty good track of them. Big arms, mark on its head... have you seen it?" Spike: "No. But then again I'm probably lying." Jonathan releases Spike and turns to Buffy. Jonathan: "We're not getting anything out of him." He walks away and Spike holds the back of his head. Buffy lunges forward and shoves Spike back against the crypt again. Spike (surprised): "Hey what are you doing?" [Jonathan turns around, surprised as well.] Spike: "You're not supposed to do that!" Buffy: "You're pretty much relying on butcher's blood these days right, Spike?" Spike: "What are you saying?" Buffy: "Just that the butchers in this town respect Jonathan. They do him a favor and you might find yourself getting kind of thirsty." She lets Spike go and throws her hands up. Jonathan tilts his head and looks at Spike. Spike: "[sighs] Look I don't know much, ok. Some vampires got kicked out of a cave in the hills behind <Brutside> park." Jonathan tilts his head and he and Buffy walk off. Spike: "I don't know what did the kicking out but it's probably pretty big." Jonathan holds his hand up dismissively as he and Buffy stroll off. Spike sighs and grabs the back of his head again. Jonathan: "That was very good." [Buffy smiles. He rebuttons his jacket.] "Very good." Cut to Giles' apartment. Riley is walking back and forth with a book. Anya and Willow are reading on the couch and Xander is sitting and reading opposite them. Riley: "These spells... these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or... learn to 'excrete gold coins'?" Anya: "That one's not so much fun." Willow: "They work Riley but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe." Xander: "Right you can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect.." The page of Xander's book bursts into flame. Xander is shocked and Riley looks up. Xander slams the book closed, extinguishing the f*re. Giles: "Xander don't speak Latin in front of the books." Willow: "Hey I-I found the mark. It's part of an augmentation spell." [Distressed.] "Jonathan did an augmentation spell." Riley: "What, uh, did he have, uh, you know?" Willow: "Him! And how we see him. This spell turns the sorcerer into a sort of paragon, the best of everything, everyone's ideal. But-but there's a drawback." Riley: "A drawback?" Xander: "That happens a lot." Giles (reading the book over Willow's shoulder): "Yes. In order to balance the new force of good the spell has to create the opposing force of evil, the worst of everything, everyone's nightmare." Anya: "He created the monster." Xander: "So we're saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool?" Giles: "Yes." Xander: "That is so cool!" Riley: "Giles, Buffy and Jonathan are going after this nightmare thing. Are they going to be ok?" Giles: "It seems that the well being of this creature is linked to Jonathan. If it dies the spell is broken and Jonathan reverts to... whatever he was before." Anya: "Jonathan isn't gonna want Buffy to get very far." Cut to interior of a cave. Jonathan and Buffy stop at the precipice of a seemingly bottomless pit. Buffy: "Wow! Fall down there and be d*ad for a while." Jonathan: "Yeah," [thinking and looking at Buffy] "don't want that to happen." Jonathan slowly reaches and grabs Buffy's wrist as she is looking around the cave. Buffy looks at him. Jonathan [leading her away from the pit]: "Come on. We've got a monster to..." The monster growls as he strikes Jonathan with an uppercut and sends him flying back over the pit. He falls unconscious. The monster roars. [ACT 4] Willow (confused): "Buffy was right." [trying again] "Buffy was right." Anya: "It doesn't sound very likely, does it?" Riley: "So if this is the world he created, what's the real world like?" Willow: "I'm scared. Everything's going to change." Giles: "Well, actually it'll remain pretty much the same except Jonathan won't be Jonathan - not our Jonathan, anyway." Xander: "No! No! No! World without sunshine! World without joy!" Riley: "But wait, it only changes back if Buffy kills this thing! I mean if she loses then we could be stuck in this wrong world forever!" Xander: "Things looking up! I mean - we're all happy here right? You know if she doesn't get k*lled?" Willow: "Giles, can Buffy do it?" Giles: "I-I honestly don't know she's never stood alone against something like this before." Cut to interior of cave. Jonathan is slowly waking up to the sounds of the monster growling and blows being exchanged. The monster grabs Buffy and throws her. She tumbles and falls. Trumpet music blares. Jonathan flips to his feet, breaks off a stalactite and hits the monster in the head with it twice, driving it to its knees. Buffy comes to. Jonathan ducks a swipe and grabs the monster from behind. Buffy: "Jonathan what do I do?" Jonathan: "I think you're going to have to handle this one solo." Buffy: "What? But I.." Jonathan: "You'll know, you used to. And the more you hurt it the more I'll lose my.." He kicks the monster in the head while holding it. Buffy: "What? Lose your..." Jonathan spins the monster towards Buffy. Buffy trips the stumbling monster and it falls. Jonathan shudders as if his strength is gone and hides behind a rock. Buffy delivers a sequence of kicks to the monster. When the monster tries to strike her she catches its arm and kicks it twice more and it falls. Buffy (smiling): "I remember this. This good." Buffy tries to punch the monster but it catches her and throws her down. Jonathan jumps out from behind the rock as the trumpets blare. The monster charges Buffy but she kicks it again. Again Jonathan runs back behind the rock. Buffy delivers some more kicks to the monster, knocking it down. The monster jumps to its feet and Buffy charges it. It sidesteps and throws her down. One of her arms is in the pit and her head is over it. Before the monster can finish off Buffy, Jonathan charges and tackles it from behind, knocking it into the pit. He falls in too. But Buffy reaches and grabs him by the ankle/heel. He whimpers a little hanging upside down. Cut to: A shimmering wave of light passes over the town. The billboard of Jonathan selling shoes changes to a newspaper with a dalmation saying they aren't just in black & white. A movie marquee saying "Being Jonathan Levinson" changes to "closed for repairs". A "jonathan.com" poster changes to a "The Dingoes Ate My Baby" poster. Cut to campus lawns. Daylight. The g*ng is sitting beside a tree. Buffy, Riley, Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara. Willow: "I can't believe we believed it" Riley: "It seemed so real." Buffy: "Well, in that world, it was real." Anya: "Alternate realities are neat." Xander: "You know what I'll always remember?" Riley: "The swimsuit calendar's sticking in my mind." [Buffy looks at him and raises her eyebrows.] "Not in a good way." Xander: "I'll always remember the way he made me feel about me. Valued, respected, sort of tingly... Now I'm just empty." Anya is also depressed. Buffy: "Poor Xander. I guess Jonathan hurt you most of all." Tara [raises her hand]: "Ummm." Buffy: "Except of course, after Tara." Willow smiles at Tara. Riley: "Did anyone else feel way too tall? I felt way too tall." Buffy sees Jonathan looking over at her and walks to meet him. Xander: "I liked his clothes. He had really cool clothes." Willow: "Still not understanding how he got the house and everything." Anya: "And who really did star in the Matrix?" Riley (fading as Buffy gets farther away): "Wait. That wasn't real either?" Jonathan: "Hi. I wasn't sure you'd come over. Everyone's mostly forgetting. But, I think some people are kind of angry." Buffy: "Yeah!" Jonathan: "Nobody's even talking to me. And.. the twins moved out." Buffy: "Why did you do it anyway? No. I get why. How?" Jonathan: "After the thing with the bell tower and the g*n, I went to counseling. You know other kids with problems a-and one of them had this spell. He glossed right over the monster. Well, anyway I just - I-I just wanted to apologize. Nobody was supposed to get hurt." Buffy: "Jonathan you get why everyone is angry though, right? It's not just the monster. People didn't like being the little actors in your sock puppet theater." Jonathan: "You weren't! You weren't socks! We were friends." Buffy: "Jonathan you can't keep trying to make everything work out with some big gesture all at once. Things are complicated. They take time and work." Jonathan: "Yeah, right." He turns to leave but stops and turns back. Jonathan: "Hey. Hey Buffy. You remember I gave you some advice?" Buffy [less than amused]: "Watch out for southpaws?" Jonathan: "Uh, no about you and Riley. I mean things are starting to blur but this cool thing I said, um, that I don't really remember... I think it's right. I think it's kind of the same thing you just said to me. (Pause.) About things taking work." Buffy [thoughtful]: "Yeah, I remember." Jonathan: "Good because it's true. What you have is really complicated but it's worth it. I think that's what I said." He walks away. Cut to Riley's bedroom. Buffy and Riley are sitting and smooching. Buffy: "I'm glad we talked this all out." Riley: "We haven't talked at all." Buffy: "Oh. Well whatever we're doing, we're doing it great." Smooching resumes. Buffy: "Mmmmm... Jonathan." Riley pulls back. Buffy is almost smiling. [ironic music] [END]

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x17 - Superstar"}

foreverdreaming

sh*t of Anya dropping her dress. Xander looking surprised. Giles: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Anya: Please remove your clothing now. sh*t of Anya and Xander kissing. Anya: Relationship. What kind do we have, and what is it progressing toward? Tara: They don't even know I exist, right? Willow: I just like having something that's just, you know, mine. sh*t of Tara putting something on Willow's forehead and lips. Tara Voiceover: I am, you know. Willow Voiceover: What? Tara: Yours. sh*t of Buffy and Riley kissing, embracing. sh*t of Buffy in bed looking up at Riley as he bends down to kiss her. Episode begins: (Buffy fighting a vampire. She kicks him, they exchange a few punches, she throws him across the graveyard. Riley joins in and kicks the vampire. They exchange punches as Buffy loads her crossbow. She brings it to her face and aims. Riley throws the vampire over his shoulder. Buffy lowers the crossbow to smile proudly. Riley lifts the vampire and holds him in position. Buffy fires, but a demon appears and shoves Riley out of the way, then helps the vampire up. Buffy drops her crossbow and joins the fight. She kicks the vampire and then the demon, then moves aside to regroup.) BUFFY: Okay, you get Fang, I'll get Horny. (Riley looks at her.) I mean... (The vampire att*cks. He throws Riley over his shoulder. Riley rolls and comes up holding a stake.) (Buffy kicks the demon in the chest, then a circular kick to knock him over. She kicks his knee and punches him several times in the back. Riley knees the vampire in the back. Buffy has the demon by the neck and s*ab him in the back. Riley stakes the vampire and he's dust.) (Buffy throws down her w*apon and sighs. Riley puts his stake back in a thigh holster.) BUFFY: Whoo! Vampire-demon tag team. (Brushing hair out of her face) Who says we can't all get along? RILEY: Don't recall ever seeing that before. (Steps close to her.) BUFFY: It never happened. (Touching his face) Vamps ... hate demons ... (Riley strokes her hair) Like stripes and polka dots. (Running her hands down his arms) Major ... clashing. (She and Riley caressing each other) So, uh ... I guess we should tell Giles about this. RILEY: Right. BUFFY: I mean, it's the kind of thing he'd ... wanna know about. RILEY: Uh-huh. BUFFY: Like, as soon as possible. RILEY: As soon as possible. (Cut to Riley's bedroom door opening. Riley comes in holding Buffy, kissing enthusiastically. She's pulling his shirt off.) BUFFY: I mean it now. First thing... (smooch) In the morning... (smooch) We go tell Giles. (Riley's carrying her across the room.) RILEY: First thing. Good plan. (They fall onto the bed.) Opening credits. Guest starring Amber Benson, Leonard Roberts, Bailey Chase, Kathryn Joosten, and Emma Caulfield as Anya. Written by Tracey Forbes, directed by David Solomon. (Camera pans slowly across the lobby of Lowell House, darkened. We see chairs, couches, fireplace. Pan up the stairs and across the landing to the door of Riley's room. Cut to inside the room. Riley and Buffy asleep, snuggling. Riley wakes up, looks at Buffy, kisses her shoulder, gets out of bed. Creepy music, sounds like the same music in "Hush." Riley puts on pants and leaves, closing the door quietly. He hears a rattling noise and looks around, looks downstairs, walks slowly through the dark halls toward a door. sh*t of the doorknob and his hand grasping it. He opens the door and walks into a bathroom. Turns on the light. The noise continues. Camera pans through the bathroom: sinks, toilet stalls, bathtub with the shower curtain pulled shut. Riley looks around the bathroom, approaches the tub slowly. He yanks back the shower curtain. There's nothing there except a drippy faucet. Riley makes a face and turns it off. He stands there looking at it as cheerful music starts.) (Cut to an ice-cream truck driving down the street, daylight, making cheery music. Cut to Xander driving the truck, wearing a red-and-white striped shirt and matching hat. Anya sitting next to him.) XANDER: Aw, come on. Big party at Riley's house. It's gonna be fun. Why don't you wanna go? (He stops the truck) ANYA: You know why not. Those initiative men make me... not comfortable. And you don't care. XANDER: They don't even know that you're an ex-demon. And we don't know that they'd care even if they did know. Which, by the way, they're not gonna find out. (Gets up and goes into back of truck to set up) Anyways, they'll probably be too busy flirting with every other girl at the party to even notice you. ANYA: So ... you don't think I'm desirable enough to be flirted with? (X looks surprised) Is that it? XANDER: I'm just not gonna win here, am I? ANYA: (sighs. Accusingly) You don't find me attractive any more. XANDER: What are you talking about? I think you're gorgeous. ANYA: Oh, really? Well then, why didn't we have sex last night? XANDER: (looks up) Is that what this is about? We've gone other nights without sex. ANYA: (angry) I know. Twice! I can't believe we're breaking up. XANDER: Breaking- We're not! Are we? ANYA: Of course we are. You, you've obviously grown tired of me. I mean, I've seen it happen to thousands of women over the centuries, I just never thought it would happen to me. XANDER: Anya, there's a lot more to you and me than the sex. (Anya rolls her eyes) Well, there should be! I mean, a relationship is something that you work at. Work through. Together. ANYA: I don't understand. I'm pretty, I'm young... I mean... (stands up, walks closer) Why didn't you take advantage of me? Is something wrong with your body? XANDER: (getting mad) There's nothing wrong with my body. ANYA: Well, there must be. I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking about erectile dysfunction- XANDER: Whoa! Hey. (Chuckles nervously) All systems go here. (Gesturing at his crotch) No function problem, okay? (Anya looks skeptical) XANDER: (claps his hands, starts unbuttoning his shirt) You want sex? Let's have sex. Right here. Hot, sweaty, big sex. (Camera angle changes so we see into the truck from the perspective of the customer window in the side of the truck. Xander's hands stop moving. His and Anya's heads turn together.) (sh*t of a group of kids and parents staring up at them.) (sh*t of Xander and Anya giving false smiles.) GILES VOICEOVER: There's always been great discord between them. (Cut to Giles holding a rolled-up piece of paper.) GILES: And yet you say that the, the vampire went to the demon's aid. The two of them were working as a team? BUFFY: (sitting on Riley's lap, nods) Everything except giving each other little pats on the behind. (We see the interior of a college lounge room. Buffy and Riley in one chair, Giles on their right, Willow and Tara on the sofa across from them.) GILES: Extraordinarily odd. (Sits back, crosses his legs, gestures with the paper) As a rule, demons ... have no empathy for any of the species other than their own. (sh*t of Buffy and Riley giving each other affectionate looks) GILES: In fact, most think of (sees someone walking by, lowers his voice) vampires as ... abominations. Mixing with human blood and all. WILLOW: So ... what brought these two together? RILEY: Not what. Who. GILES: (realizing) Adam. (Pulls off his glasses) BUFFY: Think about it. Who better to bring together a bunch of ... demon types than someone who's made out of a ... bunch of demon types? TARA: So he's, um, bridging the gap between the races. WILLOW: Huh, like Martin Luther King. (sh*t of Giles raising his eyebrows skeptically) GILES: Um, (clears throat) I suggest that, uh, over the next several nights, you two (sh*t of Buffy's and Riley's hands stroking each other) concentrate your patrol in that same area. If there's any other peculiar pairings or groupings, you let me know. RILEY: I'll let the squad know as well. They're patrolling. (To Buffy) We'll have a, uh, reserve unit out during the party. GILES: (frown) Party? RILEY: Tomorrow night. We're having a thing. GILES: At a time like this? Who, well, whose idea was that? RILEY: Mine. Boys are pretty ragged, need to let off steam. (Giles nods.) GILES: Point taken. RILEY: You're welcome to come. GILES: Well, much as I, uh, long for a good kegger, I have other plans. The Espresso Pump. (Sits back, looks embarrassed) (Buffy and Riley exchange another amorous look, more hand stroking) WILLOW: What are you doing there? GILES: I'm, um, uh, it's a, a meeting of, uh, grownups. It couldn't possibly be of any interest to you lot. RILEY: Buffy, hey, look at the time. Don't you, uh, have a class? BUFFY: Yeah, in about 20 minutes. RILEY: Yeah, but ... I have that ... thing... (Buffy gets it) BUFFY: Right, that ... thing, we could ... squeeze in ... before. RILEY: Yeah. (They get up) BUFFY: Bye! RILEY: Gotta run. (Giles waves his paper) WILLOW: (stretching, grinning) They, they're probably going to- (Tara grins) GILES: Yes, thank you Willow, I did attend university in the Mesozoic era, I do remember what it's like. (Cut to exterior sh*t of Lowell House, night. Cut to inside. It's dark. Forrest and Graham come down the stairs from the second floor, shivering.) FORREST: Didn't we just get the furnace fixed? It's freezing! GRAHAM: I'll call in the AM, get somebody to come- (They hear a noise, turn. Walk over to Riley's door and listen. Rhythmic moaning from behind the door.) FORREST: Oh, you gotta be kidding me. When do these two come up for air? (Graham grins.) GRAHAM: Slaves to the rhythm. (They walk off. Focus on the door.) (Cut to inside the room. Buffy and Riley in bed, smooching and rolling around. Panting, moaning. A hand opens the drawer on the bedside table. There are lots of condoms inside. The hand grabs one and retreats.) (Cut to downstairs. Another Initiative guy (Mason) is putting wood on the f*re in the fireplace. Forrest and Graham come down the stairs.) FORREST: Room shoulda warmed up by now. MASON: I been building this thing for an hour. It's still an icebox in here. GRAHAM: Don't bother, Mason, we got a couple of heat generators pumpin' away upstairs. (Mason looks up and grins.) (Forrest and Graham grin too, rubbing their arms to keep warm.) (Cut to the bedroom. Pan up a naked leg. Buffy and Riley smooching. sh*t of hands on a naked back. sh*t from above with Buffy on top. Closeup on kissing mouths. Long sh*t of them rolling over so Riley's on top.) (Cut to downstairs. Mason finishes with the f*re and stands up, bl*wing on his hands and rubbing them together. He sits in a chair in front of the f*re.) (sh*t of Graham watching the f*re, Forrest walking away.) (Lingering sh*t of the f*re crackling, flames building.) (Lingering sh*t of Riley's bedroom door.) (Cut to the bedroom. More smooching, moaning. Buffy's back on top. They get more and more passionate.) (Cut to downstairs. Flames explode out of the fireplace. Mason flinches as the flames engulf him.) GRAHAM: Jeez! (Mason screams. His sleeves and the front of his shirt are on f*re.) (Forrest looks around, grabs a banner and uses it to extinguish the flames on Mason. Graham moves forward.) FORREST: Call a medic. Get help! (Graham runs off.) (sh*t of the fireplace. The flames look very contained now.) Commercial. (Anya walking down an alley, looking annoyed. She turns a corner onto the street. We see the entrance to the Bronze in the distance.) SPIKE: Grr! (Spike leaps out, wearing his vampire face, growling. Anya jumps back with a yell. Spike looks annoyed.) SPIKE: Oh, it's you. (Morphs back to human face) ANYA: Spike! (petulantly) What are you doing? You made me yell really high. SPIKE: Hey! Yeah, I did. I scared you. (Grins. Walks right up to her until his face is inches from hers) Gimme money. ANYA: I'm not paying you for scaring me. (Pushes him away.) SPIKE: You're not paying me. I'm robbing you. ANYA: Oh, well now that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine. (Starts to walk past him.) (Spike growls and spins her around.) ANYA: Oh, now come on. You're not even bumpy any more. SPIKE: (feels his forehead with fingers) Oh. I was just a minute ago. Hang on. (Steps back, preparing) Get me mad again. ANYA: (sighs) Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money? SPIKE: Yeah, it works. Keeps me in blood and beers. (Grins) Plus, you know, funny. Watching those little humans quail. ANYA: I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless. SPIKE: Look who's talking! (Looks her up and down) I don't see droopy boy on your arm. (Softly) Did he have better things to do? (Anya crosses her arms and raises one eyebrow dangerously.) (Cut to exterior of Lowell House. Loud party music, people walking in and out, holding beers. Cut to inside, more of the same. Xander, Buffy, Willow and Tara standing together.) (sh*t of Buffy looking across the room and smiling.) FORREST VOICEOVER: You're kidding. (sh*t of Graham, Forrest and Riley by the stairs holding beers. Riley's looking across the room (at Buffy), not paying attention.) FORREST: Mason requested to go on patrol? GRAHAM: He just didn't want the girls to see him with his eyebrows all burnt off. (sh*t of Riley smiling across the room at Buffy.) (sh*t of Buffy smiling back.) FORREST: He's lucky that's all he lost. GRAHAM: You shoulda seen it, Rye. Weird as hell. RILEY: (not listening) Mm-hmm. (Forrest and Graham frown, look where Riley's looking. Cut to Buffy and the g*ng.) WILLOW: How many kids? XANDER: I dunno, a whole herd of them. And some parents to boot. (Buffy glances at him, then looks past him and smiles) It was kind of embarrassing, which, welcome to life with Anya. TARA: So you don't even know if she's coming tonight. XANDER: I'm thinking no. She was... pretty upset. Which, makes me wonder, is it me? Am I the crazy one? (Willow and Tara shrug at each other) BUFFY: (still looking at Riley, not listening) Uh-huh. Absolutely. (The others look where Buffy's looking.) WILLOW: Hey, Buffy, this might be a good time to mention that someone, so not me, spilled something purply on your new peasant top which I would never borrow without asking. Still love me? BUFFY: Uh-huh. (Willow and Tara look at each other and laugh.) (Buffy ponders for a moment, then looks at Willow.) BUFFY: Huh? What about my peasant top? WILLOW: Nothin'. TARA: (quickly) Xander was just talking about Anya. (Buffy nods.) XANDER: Oh, it's nothing much. Just feeling pretty glad right now that a certain ex-demon doesn't have any powers. (Buffy's attention is gone again, staring over at Riley.) ANYA VOICEOVER: Boy, I miss those powers. (Cut to Anya and Spike sitting on a couch at the Bronze, holding beers and looking morose. Spike has his arm along the top of the couch, almost touching her.) SPIKE: Yeah, tell me about it. ANYA: A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. (Sighs) Things used to be so much simpler. SPIKE: (wistfully) You know ... you take the k*lling for granted. (Anya nods nostalgically.) And then it's gone, and you're like, "I wish I'd appreciated it more." Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know? ANYA: Yeah. Now everything's complicated. SPIKE: It's a terrible thing, love is. I been there myself. (Pause) It ended badly. ANYA: Of course it did. It always does. Seen a thousand relationships. First there's the love, and sex, and then there's nothing left but the vengeance. That's how it works. (Spike smiles, leans in really close.) SPIKE: You and I ... should just go do the vengeance. Both of us! You eviscerate Xander, and I'll stake Dru. Like a project. (Anya looks tempted.) ANYA: I don't know. I just can't. (Sighs) (Spike looks resigned. He takes his arm down.) ANYA: (encouraging) You can go do Dru though. SPIKE: (nods) Yeah. I will. (Sits still for a moment) Maybe later. (Anya smiles. They sit together quietly.) (Cut back to the party. People dancing, having fun.) (The Snobby Guy from "Beer Bad" is talking to a girl.) SNOB: See, the thing that they're afraid to teach us about is the inherent sensuality of language. I mean, you, you learn French and they make it all about conjugations and, uh, fronted vowels ... but nobody really talks about ... you know, the way language tastes, you know, the, the way it feels, rolling over your tongue. I mean, just think about "car" versus "voiture." (He leans his hand on the wall, makes a startled face) Oh! (The girl looks puzzled. He stares at the wall. sh*t of his hand on the wall.) SNOB: Wow. (Nervous chuckle) GIRL: Are you all right? SNOB: Fine! I - oh! (Gasps. The girl looks concerned.) Oh my god. Wow, wow. (Chuckle) GIRL: So you really like French, huh? SNOB: Yeah, well... (satisfied smile and sigh) (Cut to Xander walking through the crowds. He walks up to a girl (Julie) who's looking at a cabinet of trophies.) XANDER: (reading trophy inscription) "Lowell house. 1962." (Julie smiles.) JULIE: Yes. XANDER: Um, just, you know, impressing you with my knowledge of local history. Or my knowledge of reading. JULIE: (friendly teasing) You didn't even have to sound anything out. XANDER: You should see me add short columns of small numbers. (Julie laughs.) JULIE: You're funny. XANDER: Thanks. I mean ... funny "how amusing," or funny "back away and avoid eye contact"? JULIE: Hmm ... kinda both. (Xander nods.) JULIE: Who are you here with? XANDER: (shrugs) Right now I seem to be here with you. (She smiles. He smiles back.) (Cut to Buffy approaching Riley.) BUFFY: Hey, uh, can we- (points upstairs) I, um, need you to take a look at an ... essay, for ... class. RILEY: That ... essay, right. Here. (Hands his drink to Forrest. Forrest looks annoyed. Graham looks amused) RILEY: I'll catch you guys in a minute, uh, essay ... gotta look at ... (Buffy pulling him upstairs) (Forrest and Graham watch them go.) GRAHAM: And *I'm* the one who got a D in covert ops. (Forrest shakes his head. They drink their beers.) (Cut to Snob Guy still talking to the girl. Another guy walks by.) SNOB: Hey, Evan, Evan, come here. You gotta see this. (Evan looks confused.) EVAN: I'm getting a beer. SNOB: No, no, no, first ... just ... put your hand right ... here. (Points at the wall) EVAN: (comes over) Okay. Somehow this is a trick, I know it. SNOB: Here. (Grabs Evan's hand and puts it on the wall. The girl watches with a grin) Now stay. Don't move. (We see some other people in the background watching and grinning) EVAN: Whoa. (Breathing heavily) What is that? (The others laugh) I kinda feel ... (heavy breathing, gesturing with his other hand near his crotch) Oh my god. Oh god. (Girl laughs) (Cut to Willow and Tara sitting on the stairs.) WILLOW: Horses, like big ... tall ... teeth that can take your arm off horses? TARA: Well, sure. I learned to ride when I was a kid. It's fun. (Smiling) And, by the way, most horses don't like arm very much. (Willow looks uncertain.) WILLOW: I had a bad birthday party pony thing when I was four. I, I look at horses and I see really big ponies. TARA: You should ride with me sometime. I guarantee safety and fun. (Willow smiles.) WILLOW: Well... if you promise you'll look after me. (Puts her hand on Tara's knee. Tara suddenly jumps back.) TARA: Don't touch me! (Willow frowns in confusion.) TARA: That's ... just disgusting. (Standing up) WILLOW: (standing) Tara ... what's the matter? TARA: (panting) I don't, I don't know. WILLOW: I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to ... are-are you feeling okay? TARA: I'm f-fine, I just wanna ... (pointing upstairs) go to the bathroom ... (runs up the stairs) (Willow watches her go, concerned.) (Cut to Spike and Anya entering the party together. Spike stares at a guy exiting.) SPIKE: Hey ... I know these guys from somewhere. ANYA: Initiative soldiers, they live here. Experiments happen in the lab under the house. (Spike beginning to look nervous and angry) It's where they kept you, put in your chip. Let's have fun! SPIKE: (angry) What are you doing? You brought me *here*? XANDER: (offscreen) Anya? What are you doing? (Anya turns) XANDER: (pointing at Spike) You brought *him* here? SPIKE: That's what *I* said! Only I h*t the "here" part. XANDER: Anya, this is crazy. (Anya crosses her arms, glares at him) We had a little fight. It just means that we have to work our way through some stuff. It doesn't mean that we rebound with the evil undead. (Spike looks offended) And what have we been doing with him anyway? SPIKE: (grinning) Oh, who's the puffed-up manly man? All splotchy and possessive. (Walks over to Xander) ANYA: It's not very convincing, is it? SPIKE: Yeah. I see now what you said about him earlier. (Looks Xander up and down) No follow-through. XANDER: (loudly) Hey! What a surprise! Hostile 17! (Spike trying to shut him up) Can I get you a drink, Hostile 17? (Spike looks around anxiously to see if anyone heard.) ANYA: Xander, stop. (Spike jumps back from some people who walk by. A bunch of guys walk past, ignoring them. Spike looks around.) SPIKE: Pfft! (Regaining his confidence) Well, may be some fun to be had in the lion's den after all. You two keep scraping. I'll find the liquor. (Walks away) XANDER: Anya. What are you doing with him? ANYA: (angry) We didn't have sex, if that's what you mean. That's all I do now, not have sex. XANDER: You're overreacting. We had a fight. But see, it's okay. It's normal. ANYA: Yes. The normal part of the ending a relationship right before the vengeance begins. XANDER: Right. No! Vengeance? ANYA: Relax, I'm not gonna do it. I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis. And now I don't even have that! So I get to say when it's done. And it's done. XANDER: Okay, you know what? You don't deserve to be the one to walk away from this. I've put up with a hell of a lot from you ... much of that in the last minute ... and if anyone gets to be the one to leave, it's me. (Starts to walk away) ANYA: (incredulously) You're leaving *me*? XANDER: Yes. I am. ANYA: Where are you going? XANDER: To enjoy the party. (Walks away) ANYA: (yells as she pushes through the crowd, moving away from him) Well then, then I'm staying too, to, to show you how much I'm not bothered by you having fun! Because I'll be having more fun! XANDER: (yells across the room) I'm having fun already! ANYA: (yells) Me too! (Unhappy face) Woo hoo! (Turns and stalks off) (Xander looks frustrated, walks off in the other direction.) (Cut to a bunch of people cheering and laughing. Xander turns a corner and discovers some people sitting on the floor playing Spin The Bottle.) XANDER: Huh. Sometimes I just don't get the sophisticated college lifestyle. (He starts to leave, then notices one of the players is Julie, the girl he was talking to earlier. She notices him too. She looks surprised, then smiles. She motions with her head indicating that he should join them. Xander grins and comes to sit down.) XANDER: Gee, it's a good thing Mom's out. We'd be in trouble. (Cut to Spike sitting by the beer kegs watching other people drink (and he's drinking too). The drunk Initiative guy across from him frowns.) DRUNK GUY: Hey, buddy. You look familiar. SPIKE: Yeah. I get that a lot. (The guy keeps frowning and looking at him. Spike just sits.) (Cut back to Spin The Bottle. Xander spins, and it lands pointing at Julie.) JULIE: Hey, Xander. XANDER: Julie! (Looks around nervously) Okay. This, then, would be the kissing. (Nods nervously.) (Julie gets on all fours and leans toward him. He moves forward, looking around for Anya, and quickly kisses her cheek.) XANDER: Very smooth cheek you have there. Do you exfoliate? (Suddenly Julie grabs him and plants a passionate kiss on him. The others laugh and cheer. She climbs on top of him, still kissing.) XANDER: Whoa! (More kissing. He grabs her arms and pulls her away.) XANDER: Julie! What? (She suddenly looks horrified.) JULIE: I'm sorry. I didn't... I'm sorry! (She jumps up and runs off. Xander looks confused, then runs after her.) (Xander walks through the crowds, looking around. We hear a girl yelling "Oh my god!" happily. X finds a group of people around the spot on the wall. Snob's girl is touching it and going "Oh, oh, oh! Touch it!" She falls back against Snob Guy. He puts his hand on the wall. The others chatter loudly.) (Xander hears crying noises from behind a closed door.) XANDER: Hi, uh, you okay? (More crying) Julie? (He tries the doorknob but it's locked.) (Cut to inside the closet. Julie is crying and cutting her hair off with a straight razor or Kn*fe.) JULIE: I'm bad. I'm bad. (She keeps crying and repeating "I'm bad" while chopping off pieces of hair and dropping them on the floor.) (Cut to Willow knocking on bathroom door.) WILLOW: Tara? It's me. (Nothing. She knocks again) Tara? (Opens door) Tara? (Walks into bathroom, looks around. The camera pans through the bathroom exactly as it did with Riley at the beginning of the episode.) (Willow goes to the sink, turns on the water, splashes it on her face. She straightens up, drying her face with a towel. She hears a gurgling noise and turns around. Frowns, walks over to the bathtub. Dripping noises. Willow pulls back the shower curtain and finds a young boy in the bathtub, under water, arms crossed over his chest, struggling. She reaches down to grab him but he disappears and there's just a tub full of water.) (Willow straightens up, turns around. The boy is standing behind her, dripping wet, arms still crossed over his chest. She screams.) (Cut to Buffy and Riley in bed, kissing. Buffy's on top. They hear the scream and stop kissing, look toward the door.) RILEY: (panting) Was that Willow? BUFFY: (panting) I don't know. (Looks at him.) Doesn't matter. (They resume smooching) (Cut to Spin The Bottle game. Two people kiss while the others cheer. Xander enters.) XANDER: Hey guys, that girl Julie, she's freakin' out. (They ignore him, still playing the game.) Is anyone friends with Julie? (Laughter, ignoring him.) (Cut to Willow coming down the stairs.) WILLOW: Xander? Tara? (Runs through the house. Finds Xander staring at the Spin The Bottle people.) WILLOW: Xander. Ghost boy. Drowning in a tub. I, I tried to save him, but, being a ghost already, well, I was way too late. XANDER: A ghost? (Willow nods) What's the deal? Is every frat on this campus haunted? And if so, why do people keep coming to these parties, cause it's not the snacks. (Tara walks up, touches Willow's arm.) WILLOW: Tara, how are you? TARA: I'm okay, but ... I, I don't like it here. This house ... I, I think we should go. (Willow nods.) (Xander looks over as there's more laughter from the bottle game.) (Closeup on the bottle spinning. Instead of slowing down it gets faster and faster. The players look puzzled. Suddenly the bottle explodes. People yell as broken glass sprays at them.) WILLOW: We need Buffy. (She and Xander run off. Tara follows.) (They run upstairs.) XANDER: (yells) Buffy? WILLOW: (yells) Buffy? Riley? (They pound on the door. No answer.) (Suddenly, sharp-looking spiny thorns, with green leaves, sprout from the cracks around the edges of the door. Willow and Xander jump back.) XANDER: Buffy! (Long sh*t of Buffy and Riley in bed, smooching and writhing. We hear panting and moaning, which echoes, and faintly we can hear Xander still pounding and yelling Buffy's name. The bed recedes until it's just a small square in the middle of the screen, with blackness all around.) Commercial. (Long sh*t of the bed as a tiny square in the middle of a black screen.) RILEY: Do you wanna go back? BUFFY: Never. (Cut to Xander still pounding on the door.) WILLOW: Buffy! Riley! XANDER: Buffy! (Tara turns and looks behind them) XANDER: We gotta get them outta there. (Tara starts to walk away while Willow and Xander stare at the writhing thorns still growing from under the door.) (Tara walks to the balcony and looks down on the main floor. The people are looking around as the building starts to shake. People scream and run around. Glass rattling, everything shaking. The people scream and run toward the door. Suddenly there's a strong tremor and everyone falls onto the floor including Tara, Willow and Xander. People get up and run around.) (sh*t of Spike sitting calmly in his chair as people run around panicking. Spike smiles.) SPIKE: Well, this party's starting to liven up after all. (Suddenly straps sh**t out of the chair he's sitting in, wrapping around his chest, wrists, legs, and one over his mouth. He drops his plastic cup of beer.) SPIKE: Mmph! (sh*t of Graham standing still, looking grim, as people run screaming past him. Forrest runs toward him, against the flow of people.) FORREST: Graham, quit standing around! Help get these people to safety! GRAHAM: Touch not the impure thing... FORREST: What?! GRAHAM: Or ye shall perish. Find salvation in the cross of our lord and savior. FORREST: Right. (He goes to the wall and flips a switch. Grabs Graham and turns him to face the wall as the green scanner light travels across their faces.) COMPUTER VOICE: Retinal scan accepted. (Elevator opens. Forrest gets in, looks back at Graham, who just stands there. Forrest grabs him and pulls him into the elevator. The door closes.) (The building is still shaking. People running and screaming. sh*t of Anya in the midst of them. The shaking stops. Anya looks around, panting. Suddenly she sees a girl screaming and waving her arms, running toward her. The girl runs right to Anya and through her. Anya gasps and puts her hands on her stomach. Looks behind her but the girl has disappeared. Anya looks around. The shaking begins again.) (Cut to the bottom of the stairs. Willow, Xander and Tara coming down. Anya runs over to them.) XANDER: Anya. We gotta get out of here. Come on! (Books start flying off the shelves and attacking them. They all duck and run away.) (sh*t of Spike struggling, managing to pull the restraints off himself. Jumps out of the chair and runs off.) (The g*ng and a few others running toward the door and out. Xander looks back and sees Julie, bald, staggering toward him.) JULIE: Please help me. (Xander runs over and grabs her, helps her toward the door. There are patchy clumps of hair still on her head but she's mostly bald.) (Cut to the Initiative labs: people working on computers. Forrest and Graham enter. They go over to a scientist who's on the phone.) FORREST: We got trouble upstairs. (Scientist motions them to wait.) SCIENTIST: (into phone) Now. (Hangs up, starts to walk away. Forrest and Graham follow.) FORREST: Some sort of disembodied presence in the house. SCIENTIST: We've been paging you. FORREST: Whatever this thing's outputting, it must be scrambling all the frequencies. SCIENTIST: Guard section 2, level 5 precautions. If the cell door locking mechanisms malfunction ... you know what to do. FORREST: Got it. (Scientist walks off. Forrest looks at Graham.) FORREST: You with me? GRAHAM: I'm good. FORREST: Let's lock it down. (They walk off.) (Cut to exterior of Lowell House. Xander helps Julie out. Tara, Willow, Spike, and Anya are there. Julie immediately runs off. Spike takes out a cigarette and lights it.) WILLOW: We have to go back in there. ANYA: Why? XANDER: Because Buffy and Riley are trapped. ANYA: So? (Willow and Tara look surprised) She's the Slayer, he's a big soldier boy, what do they need you for? XANDER: Anya, look around! There's ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair... We're fresh out of superpeople, and somebody's gotta go back in there. (Deep breath) Now who's with me? (Willow and Tara hesitate.) SPIKE: I am. (Everyone looks at Spike in surprise.) SPIKE: I know I'm not the first choice for heroics ... (drops his cigarette and grinds it out with his foot) and Buffy's tried to k*ll me more than once. And, I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But... (pauses) Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. (Frowns, shakes his head and walks away.) I wonder if Danger Mouse is on. ANYA: Xander, let's get out of here. XANDER: You wanna bail, fine. (Points into house) I'm going back in there, and I'm not coming out till I bring my friend with me. (He walks to the door, opens it, peeks inside. Takes a few steps in, then something invisible pushes him out. He flies backward and lands several yards down the path. Groans and makes a pained face. sh*t of Anya looking upset.) XANDER: Or ... it ... could be Watcher time. WILLOW: We'll, we'll go to Giles'. TARA: No, no, wait, he, he isn't there. He was going to the Espresso Pump. WILLOW: Right, he-he told us not to come. He, he needed some grownup time. (They hurry off.) (Cut to Giles in the coffee bar, playing a guitar. He's wearing casual clothes and has an earring in his left ear. Lots of people are sitting and watching/listening.) GILES: (sings) No one knows what it's like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes No one knows what it's like To be hated... (sh*t of Anya, Willow, Xander and Tara watching, amazed. Willow's and Anya's mouths hanging open.) ANYA: Oh. WILLOW: Wow. GILES: (sings) To be fated... XANDER: Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out. TARA: Does he do this a lot? XANDER: Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange. GILES: (sings) But my dreams, they are as empty, as my conscience... (Notices the kids watching, looks embarrassed but keeps singing) seems to be... (Willow smiles.) GILES: (sings) I have hours, only lonely... WILLOW: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him. GILES: (sings) ...my love is vengeance[?]... TARA: Well, he *is* pretty good. GILES: (sings) ...that's never free-ee... ANYA: (agreeing) His voice ... is pleasant. (All three girls are riveted.) XANDER: What?! GILES: (sings) No one knows what it's like... [unintelligible] WILLOW: Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy. GILES (sings) Like I do... XANDER: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the f*re please. GILES: (sings) And I blame you... (The song trails off as we cut back to Lowell House, now deserted, wreckage everywhere. The camera pans across the room and up the stairs to Riley's door, just like before, only now the vines cover the entire door and much of the ceiling and floor nearby. Muffled howling and screeching noises.) (Cut to Buffy and Riley in bed. They let go of each other and lie side by side, panting.) BUFFY: You're, you're too far away from me. RILEY: I'm right here. BUFFY: (panting) You ... have to ... keep touching me... (Rolls over and starts kissing him again. Moaning, panting) (Cut to the college library. Giles pacing while the others sit at a table.) GILES: When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out or, or respond in any way? ANYA: (bored) No. They're probably d*ad. XANDER: Unless they're too busy doin' it to answer. GILES: Doing what? (Sits at the table across from Xander) XANDER: You know, for a god of acoustic rock, you're ... kind of naive. GILES: (rolls his eyes) I didn't think you meant ... In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up? (Everyone looks at him.) GILES: Oh, for a different phrasing. WILLOW: Well, see, that's the thing. People all over the party were starting to act ... weird. (Quietly) Sexually. GILES: In what way? WILLOW: You know. (Embarrassed) Ways. (Looking through an old book) GILES: Well, it could be some form of, uh, succubi, or a satyr's prank. It could even be energy coming from the, the lab underneath the Lowell fraternity. WILLOW: It wasn't always a fraternity, look! (They all come to look at her book.) WILLOW: (reading) "Between 1949 and 1960, the Lowell Home for Children housed upwards of 40 adolescents: runaways, juvenile delinquents, and emotionally disturbed teenagers from the Sunnydale area." TARA: Children? Did any of them, um, die in there? GILES: If there were deaths, then, uh, perhaps we're dealing with a fairly ... standard haunting. WILLOW: It doesn't say. It's mostly about the old house director, Genevieve Holt. "Sunnydale Children's Aid. 30 years of community service. Giving disadvantaged kids the love and care they deserve." GILES: When did she die? WILLOW: (looks at book, looks up at Giles) She didn't. (Cut to old lady's house. She opens a pair of French doors and ushers in Giles, Xander, and Anya.) MRS. HOLT: No, no, I don't mind at all. I was up. Early morning prayer. GILES: Of course. MRS. HOLT: And I like talking about my kids. (Sits in chair) (Xander and Anya looking around the room) MRS. HOLT: I still call them that. My kids. GILES: I, I suppose you were like a mother to them. (Sits on sofa) You did everything for them? MRS. HOLT: Oh yes. I fed them clothed them, educated them in the way of the lord. I was given a medal. (Xander and Anya sit on sofa beside Giles) GILES: Yes, wonderful. Uh, congratulations. Um, this'll sound a little strange, but, ah, did you notice any odd... disturbances in the house? MRS. HOLT: (frowns) I don't understand. GILES: We-well, um, like uh, furniture moving of its own accord, or, uh, objects appearing out of nowhere, or, or perhaps you saw someone appear one moment, and then they were gone the next, i-inexplicably. MRS. HOLT: Why, that sounds like crazy talk. GILES: Yes, it does, doesn't it? Yes. Um... (Looks at Xander and Anya) Well, forgive me for, for asking this, but um, the children in your care, were any of them ever ill, or did anything ever happen to any of them? MRS. HOLT: Well, some had the flu and such. No one died, if that's what you mean. The engraving on the medal says how good I was with the children. (Smiles) GILES: (smiles) Oh, yes. MRS. HOLT: I treated them as I would my own flesh and blood. Gave them hugs and praise when they were good, and ... punished them when they were dirty. GILES: Well, ah, children will be children. They, you know, they do like to play in the, uh, the muck. (Smiling) (Mrs. Holt looks disapproving.) ANYA: You didn't mean mud dirty. MRS. HOLT: My kids didn't think I knew, but I did. GILES: (starting to understand) Very, uh, perceptive of you. MRS. HOLT: Without me they would have been shut out of the kingdom. Lost to lust. GILES: But you ... helped them. MRS. HOLT: The girls felt the vanity more than the boys. I'd see them preening like Jezebel. Doting over their pretty hair. XANDER: So you'd hack it off. MRS. HOLT: I'd remove the temptation to admire themselves. (Giles removes his glasses) They were better for it. ANYA: What about the bathtub? Something happened there. MRS. HOLT: I performed baptisms on the most unclean. Those who were tainted with impure thought and deed. GILES: You held them under? MRS. HOLT: They needed to be reborn. (Rises) You choose to pass judgment on me? GILES: (Rises) Well, someone ought to! You traumatized and, (she waves her hand dismissively) and abused these children, children who, who have no doubt become extremely disturbed adults! (She starts to walk away; he pursues her) You have ruined lives, Mrs. Holt. Furthermore, what you did has now manifested itself as a, a malevolent presence which thr*at still more lives! You have a great deal to answer for. MRS. HOLT: I refuse to listen to this when I can smell the sin on each and every one of you. (Points to them all) XANDER: Yeah? You smell sin? Well let me tell you something, lady, she who smelt it dealt it! (Giles looks at him.) XANDER: It's like what you said, but faster. (Cut to the three of them leaving her apartment.) XANDER: Well, that totally adds to my "old people are crazy" theorem. ANYA: I don't get it. I mean, those kids were tortured, but they weren't k*lled, so where are those ghosts coming from? GILES: I don't believe there are any ghosts. ANYA: One ran right through me. GILES: Not a ghost. An apparition. I believe we're dealing with a kind of poltergeist. A whole cluster of them, in fact, born out of intense adolescent emotion and sexual energy. ANYA: Both of which were totally pent up during Mrs. Holt's reign of repression. XANDER: So with Buffy and Riley having ... you know, acts of nakedness around the clock lately, maybe they set something free. Like a ... big burstin' poltergasm. GILES: Yes. And now the poltergeists are drawing more and more energy out of them. Feeding on them in fact. Buffy and Riley are, are powering this whole thing. XANDER: Okay, they're the battery in the boo factory, so what happens when the battery's drained? (Cut to Buffy and Riley in bed. Blurry slow-motion kissing.) GILES VOICEOVER: They die. Commercial. (Buffy and Riley in bed. Blurry slow-motion kissing. Panting, moaning. Riley pulls away, lies back.) BUFFY: Don't stop. Never stop touching me. (She turns his face toward her and they kiss again.) (Cut to Tara spreading a red cloth on a table, then sitting in a chair . Willow brings candles and sets them on the table, sits down. We see Giles sitting on the floor. They're in Willow and Buffy's dorm room.) ANYA: What good are w*apon against disembodied spirits, Xander? They have no ass to kick. (We see Xander rummaging in Buffy's w*apon chest.) GILES: She's right. (Gets up, holding a book) You should just stay outside. WILLOW: We'll bind the spirits long enough for you to get Riley and Buffy out. XANDER: How much time will you buy us? TARA: Could be tricky, we're calling upon the communal spirit of a certain time and place. (Willow lighting candles. Xander takes out w*apon, hands one to Anya, holds a machete.) XANDER: Let's go. (Anya looks at the sword he gave her, and follows him.) (Cut to Xander outside the Lowell House. He sighs.) XANDER: What do you feel? ANYA: (pressed against the window) Sad, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry. XANDER: I meant about the house. ANYA: Oh. Still haunted. (Cut to the dorm room.) TARA: Give me your hands. Form a circle. (She and Willow and Giles hold hands, eyes closed.) TARA: Children of the past, spirits of Lowell, be guided by our light. Come forth and be known to us. GILES: Ho-how will we know when it works? (A noise. They all open their eyes and see a bunch of ghostly children standing around them.) TARA: We'll know. (They look around nervously.) (Cut to exterior of house. The door swings open. Xander and Anya look in nervously. Xander steps forward, looks in.) XANDER: House is clean. ANYA: Let's go. You first. (Xander takes a breath, walks in. Anya follows. They look up. The entire staircase is covered in the leafy, spiny vines.) XANDER: We need to work fast. Never know how long before the munchkins get homesick. ANYA: Or the human battery conks out. (They start walking up the stairs, through the vines.) XANDER: Watch your fingers. (He starts hacking at the vines with his machete.) TARA: We implore you ... be still. (Ghost children watching silently) GILES: Find it in your hearts to leave our friends passage. WILLOW: Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it. (Giles looks at her, nervous. Willow shrugs.) (Cut back to Lowell House. Xander is ahead of Anya, hacking at vines.) XANDER: You okay? (Anya looks angry, hacking at a vine.) (Xander makes it to Riley's door, tries to reach for the knob. A sudden wind comes up.) (Cut to dorm room. The wind blows Willow's hair around. The children look up. Their hair is bl*wing too. The wind howls loudly. Screeching noises.) TARA: (yelling) Find here the serenity you seek, the peace you - (The red-covered table flies out from under their hands and crashes against the door. The wind stops. They look around.) GILES: What's happened? TARA: We lost them. WILLOW: Xander. (Cut to Lowell House. The howling and wind continue. Xander is suddenly thrown back from the door, landing on his back.) ANYA: Xander! (The vines grab Xander, throw him into the bathroom and shut the door.) ANYA: Xander! (Runs to the door and grabs the knob. She is thrown back, through the balcony railing and down to the floor below. Lands half on the floor, half on a sofa.) (Cut to Xander in the bathtub, being held underwater by unseen hands, struggling. Through the water he can see the children standing over him, watching. He can't breathe.) (Cut to Anya getting painfully to her feet, looking determined. Starts up the stairs. Howling and screeching noises continue.) ANYA: Shut up, repressed crybabies! (A huge thorn suddenly sprouts from the vine her hand is resting on. The thorn goes right through the middle of her hand. She screams.) ANYA: Ow! (Pulls the thorn out, looking even madder. Continues up the stairs.) (Cut to Xander still struggling. Through the water he sees Anya reaching for him. She pulls him out of the water and helps him up.) (They burst out of the bathroom into the hall. There are more vines everywhere.) XANDER: Come on, we just gotta- (A vine knocks him down.) ANYA: Xander! (Anya helps him up and they continue fighting their way through the vines.) ANYA: We can make it through this. (The push on cautiously. A bunch of vines wrap around Anya.) ANYA: Xander, get it off! (He unwraps her. They clutch each other, make their way to the door. Twist the knob and push the door open.) (sh*t of the bed seen from far away, as before, suddenly rushing closer and closer.) (The howling noises stop.) (sh*t of Xander and Anya framed in the doorway.) (Buffy and Riley in bed, naked. The light from the doorway illuminates them. They sit up, clutching the sheets against themselves.) BUFFY: Xander! Don't you knock? (sh*t of Xander and Anya looking disheveled. They look at each other, turn and walk away.) RILEY VOICEOVER: I can't believe it really happened. (Cut to cafeteria the next day.) BUFFY: I just had no idea. It's so creepy! (Looks up at the others) He was really singing? (Willow nods.) XANDER: I'd say it was more like crooning. (To Anya) If we grow old together, remind me to skip the midlife crisis. (Puts his hand on her knee.) ANYA: (smiling, softly) Okay. (They look affectionately at each other.) WILLOW: Come on, you have to admit, it was kinda sexy. XANDER: Please stop saying that. I'm willing to offer cash incentives. RILEY: We're just lucky no one got injured. (Looking at Buffy) No thanks to us. WILLOW: Don't be too hard on yourself. BUFFY: He's right, Will. If Riley and I hadn't ... gotten so wrapped up in each other, none of this would've happened. ANYA: True. Feel shame. (Riley looks like he is doing just that.) XANDER: My girlfriend. Mistress of the learning plateau. WILLOW: Really, it wasn't your fault. You were under the influence of powerful magicks. BUFFY: We were like zombies. I had no control over myself at all. WILLOW: Must have been horrible. (Buffy looks sidelong at Riley.) (Riley looks at her, looks down.) BUFFY: Yeah. Horrible. (They both nod firmly.) RILEY: Uh-huh. BUFFY: Mm-hmm. RILEY: It was bad.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x18 - Where the Wild Things Are"}

foreverdreaming

Giles: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Oz and Willow in bed. Willow trying to kiss Oz but he pulls away. Willow: Oz... don't you love me? Oz walking forward and kissing her. Oz voiceover: The wolf is inside me... all the time. Oz walking away from the house, getting into his van. Oz voiceover: Until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you. Or anybody. The van driving away. sh*t of Adam's face. sh*t of Adam k*lling Prof. Walsh. Buffy: The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it, but we will. Spike trying to bite Willow but flinching back in pain. Riley voiceover: The implant works. Hostile 17 can't hurt any living creature in any way. Spike in the Bronze: I get this chip out, you and me are gonna have a confrontation. sh*t of Willow and Tara holding hands and moving the soda machine. sh*t of Willow and Tara holding hands and lifting a rose. Willow: I just like having something that's ... mine. Tara: I am, you know. Yours. Episode begins: (Willow and Tara walking across campus.) TARA: Do you like cats? WILLOW: I'm more of a dog person myself. But I'm not like, "death to all cats." Why? TARA: Cause I was thinking of getting one. WILLOW: Can you have one in the dorms? TARA: No, but this would be a sneaky cat. WILLOW: That would be cool. You mean it'd be sort of like a familiar? TARA: Actually, I-I was thinking it would be sort of like a pet. You know, we could ... we could name her Trixie, or Miss Kitty Fantastico, or something. WILLOW: And we could make kitty go bonkers with string and catnip and stuff? TARA: Absolutely. WILLOW: Fun! I'm in. TARA: So, you're not allergic or anything. WILLOW: Nope. TARA: Good, cause ... I want my room to be Willow-friendly. WILLOW: Me too. (They hold hands and keep walking.) TARA: So I'm excited about the Scooby meeting ... I think. What's it about? WILLOW: I'm not sure. Probably just your garden-variety disaster. BUFFY VOICE-OVER: Zippo. (Cut to Giles' apartment) BUFFY: Patrol's been totally uneventful. My k*ll count's way down. (We see the g*ng. Buffy sitting on Giles' desk. Riley standing in living room. Anya (on Xander's lap), Xander, Willow, and Tara on stools against the kitchen counter. Giles in kitchen.) WILLOW: (to Tara) She means there's been less bad-guy activity. GILES: Well, we know what that often indicates. XANDER: Buffy doesn't make her quota. (Shakes finger at Buffy) Bad slayer! GILES: Well, I wish it were that innocuous, but with Adam around, I feel he's involved somehow. (Giles is holding a bag of snacks. He pours snacks into a bowl.) WILLOW: (to Tara) When things get slow, it's usually because there's some extra evil brewing. (Tara nods) RILEY: Except the weird thing is, we've been busy at the Initiative. Our squads are pulling a lot more captures. We got demons coming out our ears. WILLOW: (to Tara) That's a metaphor. TARA: (smiling) I got it, thanks. WILLOW: I'm overhelping, aren't I? (Tara laughs) GILES: (coming out of kitchen with bowl) So the activity's shifted but not stopped. (Hands bowl to Willow, but she doesn't take it) That's fascinating. (Sits at desk and puts bowl down) ANYA: To an extremely bored person, maybe. (Giles looks annoyed) ANYA: Well, that was a thrilling hour. (Everyone starts to get up.) GILES: (rising) You know, I really don't appreciate your snide remarks, Anya. (Anya and Xander look at him in surprise) GILES: Now, I have a great deal of experience in these matters... (We hear the door open. Buffy and Riley look toward it. Giles keeps talking) GILES: ...and if I say there is a matter of some import brewing, I-I- (Giles notices everyone looking behind him. He turns.) sh*t of Tara looking confused. sh*t of Willow looking shocked. sh*t of Oz in the doorway, hands in jacket pockets. OZ: Hey. Opening credits. Guest starring Amber Benson, Leonard Roberts, Bailey Chase, Robert Patrick Benedict, Conor O'Farrell, George Hertzberg, Emma Caulfield as Anya, and Seth Green as Oz. Written by Marti Noxon, directed by James A. Contner. WILLOW: Oz. (Oz looks around, uncomfortable.) TARA: (understanding) Oz. (Willow looks at Tara, looks back at Oz.) (sh*t of Buffy looking at Willow, concerned.) WILLOW: When, when did you get back? OZ: Pretty much now. (Xander looks at everyone, steps forward.) XANDER: Oz, man. Hate to sound grandma, but... you don't call, you don't write. OZ: Yeah, sorry. (They shake hands.) BUFFY: So are you here here, or are you just passing through? GILES: Well, um, let's not, uh, b*mb the poor chap with, uh, questions right off. Can I get you something, um, tea? (Takes off glasses, moves toward kitchen) OZ: I'll pass, thanks. (Riley looks confused. Oz walks forward to Willow.) OZ: Look, I'm going to Devon's to see if he's got a place I can crash. But... I was hoping that we could talk. Later. Tonight. WILLOW: I guess so. OZ: I'll come by your place? WILLOW: Okay. (Oz smiles.) OZ: It's great to see you guys again. Really. (Oz leaves.) (Willow still looks shocked.) ANYA: Everyone's uncomfortable now. (Buffy goes to Willow and touches her arm.) BUFFY: You okay? WILLOW: I- TARA: I just, um - I realized, um, I'm-I'm late for study group. WILLOW: Tara, wait. TARA: No, no, it's okay. You-you should be with your friends, and, and I-I should go. (She leaves.) WILLOW: Wait... (Everyone looks at Willow, who is upset.) Fade to graveyard. RILEY: So, um, I was missing something this afternoon, wasn't I? (Riley and Buffy walk through graveyard. He wears his battle fatigues. Buffy wears a long leather coat and a white cap. Riley carries a bag.) RILEY: I mean, breakups are tough, but when Oz walked in, it seemed like emotions were running extra high. BUFFY: Oz and Willow had a rough breakup. (Riley nods.) DEMON: Grr. RILEY: Hold that thought. (Buffy ducks and Riley punches the demon over her head. Then he lifts Buffy by the waist and she kicks the demon. It spins away, punches. Buffy ducks. Riley punches. Buffy kicks. Riley grabs the demon and hurls it over a gravestone. It falls unconscious.) RILEY: Man, that was record time. BUFFY: (pouting) It's no fun when they're that easy. RILEY: (grinning) Speak for yourself. (Takes out radio) Base, this is Agent Finn. We've an HST down. Please send a retrieval team to sector 72. RADIO: [unintelligible], Finn. We'll get there as soon as we can. (Riley puts radio away and picks up his bag. They walk on.) BUFFY: So, I was just about to say something fascinating. RILEY: Oz and Willow. BUFFY: Right. They had a rough breakup. Some stuff came up, and Oz pretty much bailed overnight. It left Will really devastated. RILEY: I remember. BUFFY: The thing is before that, they were doing great. I mean, she was totally dealing with Oz being a werewolf, it wasn't even- RILEY: Whoa, wait. (They stop walking.) RILEY: Oz is a werewolf, and Willow was dating him?! BUFFY: Yes. Hence the high emotions. RILEY: You're kidding me. Gotta say I'm surprised. I didn't think Willow was that kind of girl. BUFFY: What kind of girl? RILEY: Into dangerous guys. She seems smarter than that. BUFFY: Oz is not dangerous. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. God, I never knew you were such a bigot. (Starts to walk away) RILEY: (stopping her) Whoa, hey, how did we get to bigot? I'm just saying it's a little weird to date someone who tries to eat you once a month. BUFFY: Yeah, well love isn't logical, Riley. It's not like you can be Mister Joe Sensible about it all the time. (Riley rolls his eyes.) BUFFY: God knows I haven't been. RILEY: I'm not talking about you. BUFFY: How about we don't talk about this at all? Okay? Let's just patrol. (She walks off looking angry. Riley is confused. He follows her.) (Willow opens her dorm room door. Oz is leaning against the doorframe.) OZ: Hey. WILLOW: (nervous) Hey. (Oz smiles.) WILLOW: So... you wanna come inside? OZ: Actually, I want you to come outside. I wanna show you something. (They walk across campus. It's dark. They're both wearing jackets. Willow stops walking.) WILLOW: Oz... (He stops walking too) This is all so weird. (Oz sighs, fidgets with something on his hand) WILLOW: I-I-I feel like... this isn't really happening. Like it's a dream or, or something. OZ: It's real. Look up. WILLOW: What? OZ: (smiling) Look at the sky. (Willow looks up. The moon is full.) OZ: I guess you stopped keeping track of 'em after I left. WILLOW: Full moon. (Looks at Oz, back up at moon) OZ: Full moon. WILLOW: Full moon, but-but how? I mean (smiling) you did it! How, how did you do it? Where did you go? OZ: It's a long story. WILLOW: (looks up again, then down, smiling) Oh my god, Oz! (She hugs him. He holds her and closes his eyes. Willow pulls back. Not smiling any more.) WILLOW: This is... I mean, it's wonderful for you. OZ: I talked to Xander, and he said you didn't have a new guy. WILLOW: No. No new... guy. (Oz smiles and takes her hand.) OZ: I know what I put you through, and I'm not gonna push. But I am... a different person than when I left. And I can be what you need now. (Willow looks sad.) OZ: That's what I want. That's why I'm here. (Cut to Graham and two other commandos walking through the woods. The other two are carrying big g*n. One of them nudges Graham.) COMMANDO 1: Sir. (Graham takes out his g*n. They all look and see rustling in the bushes.) (A noise from behind makes them turn, and then something comes out of the bushes. It looks like a werewolf. They try to grab it. It shoves Graham and another soldier. Graham goes flying backward into a tree and falls to the ground. The other soldier flies back onto the ground, gets up but is pushed over again. The creature is on top of him and he screams. The third commando is att*cked by another creature and flies into another tree. Graham lifts his head and sees the first creature with its mouth covered in blood. Graham's head drops back onto the ground.) Commercial. (Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Willow sitting on her bed with something in her lap. Oz reclines on the end of the bed.) WILLOW: I love this. OZ: A woman in Tibet traded it to me for the Radiohead record. Got a lot of mileage out of the barter system. WILLOW: So Tibet was your favorite? OZ: Well, it's where I stayed the longest. This warlock in Romania sent me to the monks there to learn some meditation techniques. Very intense. All about keeping your inner cool. WILLOW: Good, 'cause you were such a spaz before. (Smiles.) So that's it? You keep your cool, and no more wolfie? OZ: No, there's more. I take some herbs and stuff. Some chanting. A couple of charms. (He shows some beads on a string wrapped around his hand.) WILLOW: It's incredible. You've been all around the world. You've had this ... complete mind/body transformation. I've just been here. (Chuckle) Same old Sunnydale. OZ: Doesn't mean you haven't gone through a lot. WILLOW: It's true. Some of it, you know, was me telling myself I hated you and cursing your name. Not literally. OZ: Well, thanks for that. WILLOW: And, I don't know, I - I think I'm getting better at my spells and stuff. (They look at each other. Willow fidgets, looks at the window.) WILLOW: It's so light out. OZ: Yeah, we talked all night. WILLOW: Well, I believe a manly sized breakfast is in order, don't you? OZ: Or we could just... (puts his hand on hers) sleep a little while. (He gives her a meaningful look. Willow looks nervous) OZ: Whatever you want. WILLOW: I'll have the less confusing waffles right now. (Oz smiles.) OZ: Breakfast it is. They both get up. WILLOW: Lemme just, ah, freshen up. (She takes her toothbrush and toothpaste and leaves. Oz watches her go, smiling.) (Knock on door. Oz gets up and answers it. It's Tara. She's surprised to see Oz.) TARA: Oh, sorry, I-I-I'll come back. OZ: Are you looking for Willow? She's just in the bathroom down the hall. TARA: No, no. No, it's, it's okay. (Backing away) OZ: I saw you at Giles' yesterday. TARA: Yeah. Sometimes Willow takes me with her to the s-scoobies. OZ: You sure you don't wanna come in? (Tara shakes her head and leaves. Oz shuts the door, looking confused. Willow comes back in and sees his expression.) WILLOW: What? OZ: Your friend came by. The blonde girl? But she wouldn't stay. (He turns away to get his coat.) OZ: So what do you think? Where you wanna go? (Willow looks upset again. Doesn't look like she heard the question.) (Cut to Riley's bedroom. Riley and Buffy asleep. The alarm goes off and they wake up. Riley stops it. Buffy yawns.) (Riley turns to Buffy and rubs her stomach.) RILEY: Morning. BUFFY: Morning. (She sits up and pulls away, getting out of bed. She's wearing one of his shirts.) (Riley watches her walk away. He gets out of bed and pulls on pants. Stretches, starts doing pushups.) (Buffy comes back wearing pants. Puts some clothes on the bed and watches him.) BUFFY: Those like, regulation? Do you have to do those every morning? RILEY: No, just a good way to start the day. (Buffy has a bag. She's putting clothes into it.) BUFFY: Great, then you can have your perfectly balanced breakfast, and then you can call your mother. (Riley stops pushups. He did exactly ten.) RILEY: Okay, I'm up less than a minute, and somehow I've managed to piss you off. BUFFY: I should go home. RILEY: No, come on. Is it that whole thing about Willow last night? (He sits on the bed.) Look, I only said what I said because I'm concerned. I don't wanna see her get hurt. BUFFY: You sounded like Mr. Initiative. Demons bad, people good. RILEY: Something wrong with that theorem? (Buffy looks exasperated. She walks a few steps away.) BUFFY: There's different degrees of- RILEY: Evil? BUFFY: It's just... different with different demons. There are creatures - vampires, for example -- that aren't evil at all. RILEY: Name one. (The door opens. It's Forrest. He looks solemn.) FORREST: Rye, we need you downstairs. Beta team got h*t. RILEY: (stands up) Bad? FORREST: We lost Willis. (Riley winces.) RILEY: Graham? FORREST: He's walking. (sh*t of Buffy looking concerned.) FORREST: We're going on a hunt. (Riley turns to get a shirt.) BUFFY: (to Forrest) What kind of demon was it? RILEY: (angry) Does it matter? (Walks past her holding his shirt. He and Forrest leave. Focus on Buffy as we hear the door close.) (Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Willow sitting on her bed again, holding a stuffed animal. Buffy comes in with her bag.) BUFFY: Hey. WILLOW: Hey. You okay? BUFFY: (rubbing her neck) Yeah, I just - I don't wanna talk about it. I wanna hear about you and Oz. You saw him, right? WILLOW: I was with him all night. (Buffy raises her eyebrows.) BUFFY: All night? (Grins) Oh my god. (Sits on Willow's bed.) Wait. Last night was a wolf moon, right? WILLOW: Yup. BUFFY: Either you're about to tell me something incredibly kinky, or- WILLOW: No kink. (Smiling) He didn't change, Buffy. He said he was gonna find a cure, and he did. In Tibet. BUFFY: (smiling) Oh my god. I can't believe it. (Pause) Okay, I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and you're not. WILLOW: No, there's "woo" and, and "hoo." But there's "uh-oh," and... "why now?" And... it's complicated. BUFFY: Why complicated? WILLOW: (sighs, steels herself) It's complicated... because of Tara. BUFFY: (frowns) You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No. (The clue-by-four hits Buffy.) BUFFY: Oh! (Willow gives a nervous smile.) (Buffy stands up.) BUFFY: Oh. Um... well... that's great. You know, I mean, I think Tara's a, a really great girl, Will. WILLOW: She is. And... there's something between us. It-it wasn't something I was looking for. It's just powerful. And it's totally different from what Oz and I have. BUFFY: Well, there you go, I mean, you know, you have to - you have to follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will. WILLOW: Why do you keep saying my name like that? BUFFY: (with false cheer) Like what, Will? WILLOW: (sits up) Are you freaked? BUFFY: What? No, Will, d- (stops herself, sighs) No. (Sits on bed) No, absolutely no to that question. (Willow looks skeptical.) BUFFY: I'm glad you told me. What did you say to Oz? WILLOW: I was gonna tell him ... but then we started hanging out, and ... I could just feel everything coming back. (Buffy looks sympathetic.) WILLOW: He's Oz, you know? BUFFY: Yeah. I know. WILLOW: I don't wanna hurt anyone, Buffy. BUFFY: No matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest, or it's gonna be a lot worse. (Willow nods.) (Cut to the tombs. Spike lying on top of a coffin, covered with a blanket. Footsteps slowly approaching. A greenish hand reaches for Spike's throat but he grabs it.) SPIKE: (not opening his eyes) From the sound of those massive mud flaps, I'd peg you as a demon. Which means you're in for a world of... (Opens his eyes and sees Adam) Pain. (Spike gets to his feet.) ADAM: Spike, I want you to come with me. SPIKE: Do you? (Shrugs) Well, let's go then. (Turns as if to leave, then spins around and punches Adam in the stomach. No effect. Spike shakes his hand in pain.) SPIKE: Ow. ADAM: Come. (Steps forward; Spike steps back) You're going to help me with my problem. SPIKE: Why is that exactly? ADAM: I'm going to help you with yours. (Spike looks interested.) (Tara opens her dorm room door. Willow is standing there.) WILLOW: Hi. TARA: Hi. (Tara stands back so Willow can come in, then Tara closes the door.) WILLOW: I can only stay for a minute. I have class. TARA: Me too, I-I-I have class too. WILLOW: I just want you to know that what you saw this morning, it wasn't- TARA: No, it's okay. I-I always knew that if he came back- WILLOW: We were just talking. Nothing happened. TARA: (hopeful smile) Oh. (Pause) Really? (Willow nods.) WILLOW: But, you know, it was intense. Just talking. We have a lot to talk about. (Frowns) I kinda feel like my head's gonna explode. TARA: (struggles for a moment) Whatever, you know, happens ... I'll still be here. I'll still be your friend. WILLOW: Of course we'll be friends! That's not even a question. TARA: (upset) But I'm saying, I know what Oz means to you. WILLOW: How can you, when I'm not even sure? I mean, I know what he meant to me. But he left, and... everything changed. I changed, and... then we-- TARA: What? WILLOW: (teary) I don't know. I just - life was starting to get so good again, and -- (sighs, moves closer to Tara) You're a big part of that. (Crying) And here comes the thing I wanted most of all, and... I don't know what to do, I ... I wanna know, but I don't. (Tara looks sympathetic. She brushes the tears off Willow's cheek.) TARA: Do what makes you ... h-h-happy. (Willow hugs her. Tara strokes Willow's hair.) (Inside one of the college buildings. Oz is looking at a wall covered with flyers and posters. He wrinkles his nose and calls "Willow!" just as Tara walks by. She stops and looks at him. Oz looks confused. He walks toward Tara.) OZ: Hey. I thought I sm...ah, heard Willow. (Tara looks nervous, clutching books to her chest.) TARA: Hey. (notices Oz holding books) You're um, you're coming back to school here, huh? OZ: Pretty much. Feeling ... oddly motivated. (He still sniffs the air and looks around, confused) TARA: That's um, that's great. I mean, that's, that's great for you and Willow, right? OZ: I hope so. TARA: (nervous) Good, that's, because- OZ: Is that her sweater? TARA: (looks down) I just, I just hope that you guys'll be very ... happy. OZ: (moves closer) You smell like her. (Tara still doesn't look at him) She's all over you, do you know that? (Getting angry) TARA: I can't. I-I can't talk about this. (Tries to walk away. Oz grabs her arm.) OZ: But there's something to talk about? (Angrier) (Tara just gasps and stares at him.) OZ: Are you two involved?! TARA: I have, I, I, I have to go. OZ: Cause she never said anything to me like that. We talked all night and she never- (Tara starts to walk away) No, stop! (Grabs her again. Tara looks scared.) OZ: (yelling) Is she in love with you? Tell me, is she?! (Shakes her by the shoulders. Then he lets her go. He's panting. They look down at his hand and it grows fur and claws. Tara looks really scared.) (Oz looks up. His face is half-wolfed and his eyes are black.) OZ: Run. Commercial. (Tara runs through the hallways, not carrying books any more. The werewolf chases her. She runs into a classroom, up the tiers of chairs, tries to get out the back door but it's locked. The werewolf chases her up the stairs, then back down. She tries to get away but he corners her. Tara screams and throws a chair at him. He collapses and doesn't move. Tara stands there panting. We see a tranquilizer dart sticking out of the werewolf.) (Riley and Forrest and a bunch of other Initiative guys come in. Riley is putting away the tranquilizer g*n.) FORREST: Are you okay? TARA: What's going on? FORREST: We'll take it from here. (Riley and the others are putting Oz in a bag.) COMMANDO 2: This thing looks like it may be one of the demons that took out Graham's guys the other night. RILEY: We'll take it back. We'll make an ID. If it is, we'll put him down. TARA: You don't understand, that's - (stuttering) FORREST: Listen, we know what we're doing. You're in shock. TARA: But- FORREST: We'll handle it. (Walks away.) TARA: No. (Cut to Adam's underground lair.) SPIKE: Well, that sounds like a lot of fun. ADAM: You see my problem, though. Total annihilation of the humans doesn't help me. I'll be needing heavy casualties on both sides. SPIKE: I get that. I'm still not sure how the Slayer fits in. ADAM: The humans need a leader... a champion. The Slayer can do that. SPIKE: (skeptical) Yeah... the thing about the Slayer is... she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to the fighting, she does have a slight tendency to win. ADAM: Then I guess you should be on her side. (Spike smiles tolerantly.) SPIKE: This all goes down, the chip comes out, yeah? No tricks. ADAM: Scout's honor. SPIKE: *You* were a Boy Scout? ADAM: Parts of me. (Cut to Willow in the school library, pretending to read. Tara rushes in. Willow sees her and gets up.) WILLOW: What's up? You okay? TARA: Oz. We were talking and, he changed. Right in front of me. WILLOW: What? It's daylight. TARA: I know, but it happened. WILLOW: Oh my god, are you all right? TARA: I'm fine. Riley and the commando guys, they stopped him. But they don't know it's Oz. I tried to tell them, but ... they took him away. WILLOW: When? Just now? (Tara nods.) TARA: I think they might hurt him. WILLOW: I, I have to go, I have to find Buffy. TARA: I know. (Willow runs off. Tara looks upset.) (Cut to Giles' place. Xander and Anya on the sofa. Giles behind it. Willow pacing. Buffy in the background, on the phone.) WILLOW: Tara said they took him right before she found me. ANYA: So that's good, right? I mean, they probably haven't had time to eviscerate him yet. (Willow sits on sofa.) XANDER: An, you can help by making this a quiet time. GILES: Once again we're faced with a fairly daunting prospect of having to infiltrate the Initiative. XANDER: It'd be great if we knew someone dating a man on the inside. Someone with connections. (Buffy hangs up phone and comes around to the sofa.) XANDER: Oh, wait! (Gestures at Buffy) BUFFY: He's still not answering his pages. I left him another message. WILLOW: So what do we do? BUFFY: Well, we need to move fast. So we make a plan without Riley... (sh*t of Giles looking concerned) and hope he calls. (Underground at the Initiative. Oz-wolf is in a cage, growling and trying to get out. Riley, Forrest, soldiers with g*n, and scientists in white coats are watching. Another scientist approaches.) FORREST: What's the word, Doc? Is this the animal that took apart our men? DOC 1: We don't know yet, soldier. RILEY: What's the holdup? I thought Graham gave you a full description. DOC 1: The holdup is that he described characteristics present in over 40 known varieties of demon. So we're cross-checking DNA evidence - hair, fibers- RILEY: (impatient) And how long is that gonna take? DOC 1: (annoyed) I have no idea. RILEY: I don't need a bunch of tests to know that this thing's a k*ller. (Takes out his g*n and points it at Oz. Suddenly Oz stops growling and morphs back into his human self. Riley lowers his g*n and steps back. Everyone looks surprised. Oz looks up at them panting and closing his eyes.) (Fade to white screen.) (Fade to Oz's perspective, lying on a table with two docs over him and many more in the background. Doc1 is on the left, shining a flashlight in his eyes. Riley is behind him.) (sh*t of Oz on the table, naked and looking groggy.) (Riley pushes forward.) RILEY: Hey, he's coming to. Oz! DOC 1: He won't be able to talk for a while. We gave him Haldol to keep him quiet. (Shining flashlight on Oz's teeth.) RILEY: Why? He's not a thr*at now. DOC 1: I allowed you to stay as long as you let us do our work, Agent Finn. Only Colonel Macnamara can place a cease order on medical testing, and he's told us to proceed. DOC 2: I always suspected that stuff about werewolf transformations being based on a lunar cycle was campfire talk. (Injects Oz with something. Oz groans.) (Riley sees the second doctor pulling out another instrument (stun g*n?).) RILEY: Oh, hey, that's enough. Come on, the guy's a student, I know him. DOC 1: (points to the other soldiers) Take him out. COMMANDO 3: Yes sir. (Riley looks angry, but lets the other soldiers escort him away.) (Doc 2 puts the tip of the instrument on Oz's chest and zaps him with electricity. Oz screams and turns into the werewolf.) DOC 2: See that? Transformation related to negative stimulation. (The docs exchange a look.) (Back at Giles'.) BUFFY: Something's wrong. Riley usually returns my phone calls by now. XANDER: We can't wait much longer. BUFFY: I know. (Looks at Willow) Okay. Xander, you and I are gonna go in. We've done it before. WILLOW: I'm going with you. BUFFY: No. Look, it's too dangerous, Will. Besides, I need you to help Giles hack into the city's electrical grid. We've gotta try to power down the Initiative. WILLOW: Giles can do it without me. I can give him all the instructions, I can show him exactly what to do. GILES: Of course. WILLOW: I-I can't just sit here. (Buffy looks at Xander.) BUFFY: Okay. Okay, you can back us up. (Sighs) Now, the only way I know into the Initiative is through the elevator in the Lowell House. But my clearance is long gone. XANDER: So we grab a guy, make him take us. SPIKE: Or you could just use the back way. (Everyone turns to see Spike standing by the closed door.) SPIKE: Hell of a lot less bother. GILES: How did you get in? SPIKE: Door was unlocked. You might wanna watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in. BUFFY: Or someone formerly dangerous and currently annoying. SPIKE: (extremely amused and pleased with himself) Now, now. None of that. Or I won't help you get Red's mongrel back. (Everyone looks surprised.) Bad news travels fast with us demons. We all like a good laugh. (Chuckles) GILES: Short of cash, Spike? SPIKE: I happen to be seeking monetary gratification, yeah. But I also get a kick out of jackin' up those army ginks myself. I know how to find the big guy who can take you to Oz. BUFFY: Uh-huh. So what's the going rate on a wild goose chase, Spike? SPIKE: Fine, if you're not interested. But I was stuck in that hole, remember? And I've heard things from other guys who've ogtten out. I can get you in. No alarms, no cameras ... no waiting. (Everyone looks at Buffy.) (Oz huddled in a corner of a cell in the Initiative, naked and shivering. The door opens. Oz looks up, squinting like the light hurts his eyes. There's a big bruise on his shoulder. He frowns as Riley comes in.) RILEY: Oz. Put these on, man. (Gives Oz some clothes.) (Oz frowns but starts to get up.) (Riley helping Oz walk through the darkened Initiative staging area. Oz is clothed but weak. He leans on Riley. Suddenly the lights come on and they're surrounded by soldiers with g*n. Forrest and Graham step forward. Graham's holding his g*n.) FORREST: End of the line. (Riley looks alarmed.) Commercial. (The Initiative brig. A guard lets Colonel Macnamara in. He enters and goes over to Riley's cell. Riley stands up from sitting on the bed and stands at attention. The colonel unlocks the door and walks into the cell.) COLONEL: At ease. RILEY: Permission to speak, Colonel. COLONEL: Denied. (Riley looks surprised.) COLONEL: Being new around here, Finn, I had a look at your record and Professor Walsh's notes. Until recently, you were an exemplary soldier headed straight for the top. Then you meet this girl, this ... slayer, and suddenly you begin to exhibit signs of disloyalty. You abuse your command. But tonight... (shakes his head, squints) To release a lethal HST back into the population - (Riley shakes his head.) RILEY: Sir, the prisoner- COLONEL: You will speak when I tell you to! (Riley goes back to attention.) COLONEL: Tomorrow I am going to institute a court-martial to investigate the extent of your involvement with the Slayer and her band of freaks. (pause) They're anarchists, Finn ... too backwards for the real world. You help us take them down, and you just might save your military career. Otherwise, you'll go to your grave labeled a traitor. (Riley looks shocked. The Colonel turns and leaves.) COLONEL: No woman is worth that. (The cell doors close.) (Cut to Buffy, Willow, Xander and Spike walking through the woods, armed. Buffy and Willow wear white lab coats. Spike and Xander wear green army fatigues.) BUFFY: I've mentioned how much I'm gonna k*ll you if this is a scam, right? SPIKE: Look, would I wear this if I wasn't on the up-and-up? WILLOW: You do sorta look like an evil olive. XANDER: Guys... check it out. (They all see the hidden doorway. They look at each other. Spike walks toward it.) (sh*t of Adam in his lair working on a computer. The metal part of his face is hinged back and wires are running into his skull from the computer. ) (Spike pulls the doors open.) SPIKE: For a nasty town like Sunnydale, nobody seems to mind their locks. (The other three look at each other.) BUFFY: You first. (Spike rolls his eyes and enters.) (sh*t of Adam. Something beeps and he looks at another computer screen. It's showing diagrams of underground tunnels.) (Cut to Anya working on a computer while Giles looks on.) GILES: Try typing in... (looks at paper maps of the area) X-H-4-J-7 for the emergency shutdown command. That covers the entire electrical grid for the university and outlying area. (Anya types it in.) (sh*t of Adam at his computer. The words "EMERGENCY POWERDOWN IN PROGRESS" flash on his screen in red.) (sh*t of Buffy, Spike and the others in the hallways of the Initiative. Suddenly the lights go out. Blue emergency lights come on.) (sh*t of the UC Sunnydale campus, going black section by section.) (sh*t of Anya and Giles as the power in Giles' apartment goes out (but the computer stays on). Anya smiles proudly.) ANYA: Slap my hand now! (Chuckles and holds up hand) GILES: Beg your pardon? ANYA: In celebration. GILES: Oh... (slaps her hand) Yes. ANYA: Ow! (Buffy kicks in a door and they burst into the room. It's the Colonel's bedroom. He's in bed. Buffy and Xander march over to his bed and point g*n at him. He tries to reach for something on the bedside table.) BUFFY: Hey! (Points her crossbow in his face. He pulls his arm back) BUFFY: You know who I am? COLONEL: (looks from her to Xander, to Spike and Willow in the doorway) Yeah. BUFFY: Then you know I'm pretty good with this thing. Take us to him. Colonel: Finn stays in the brig. Helping an HST escape is a court-martial offense. (Buffy looks surprised) You're only gonna make matters worse. BUFFY: Riley tried to help Oz escape? COLONEL: (looks from one to the other) That's who you came for. The wolf. XANDER: Guess we're two for one. BUFFY: Get dressed. (Buffy walks down the hallway alone, past the guy standing guard outside the brig. As she passes him, she drops something.) GUARD: Hey, you dropped- (As he bends to pick it up, Buffy knees him in the face. He falls back. Buffy bends over him, takes his key-card, and uses it to open the door. She enters the brig where Riley is sitting on his bed. He gets up.) RILEY: How'd you get in? (Buffy opens his cell door) BUFFY: Talk later. Stealthy escape now. (She turns to go. Riley stops her.) RILEY: Buffy... (She turns back to him) I leave now, I can't ever come back. (Buffy just looks at him.) RILEY: I just wanted to hear that out loud. (They leave.) (Cut to the g*ng walking down the halls with Buffy holding her crossbow to the Colonel's head.) VOICE: Hold it! (The hallway in front of them suddenly fills up with soldiers holding g*n. We see Oz in his cell nearby, watching. Buffy sees him too. More soldiers appear at the other end of the hall. Buffy and the g*ng are trapped.) BUFFY: Stay back... or I'll pull a William Burroughs on your leader here. (Everyone looks confused.) XANDER: You'll bore him to death with free prose? (Buffy looks annoyed.) BUFFY: Was I the only one awake in English that day? (Slowly, like you'd talk to an idiot) I'll k*ll him. (To the Colonel) Get him out. (The Colonel nods to one of the soldiers, who drops his g*n and lets Oz out. Willow starts forward.) WILLOW: Oz... OZ: Will, get back. (He looks down at his hand, which is hairy and clawed again. Willow steps back looking shocked.) (Oz concentrates and his hand goes back to normal. Riley steps forward and grabs him.) BUFFY: Let's go. (Still holding the Colonel, they go back down the hall. The soldiers follow. They get into the elevator.) (Everyone stands silently looking at each other until the elevator stops. Everyone gets out except Riley, Buffy, and the Colonel. Riley opens the elevator control panel and rips out the wires, creating lots of sparks. He and the Colonel glare at each other. Buffy gets out of the elevator, still covering the Colonel with her crossbow. Riley follows.) COLONEL: You're a d*ad man, Finn. (Riley turns back.) RILEY: No, sir. I'm an anarchist. (He punches the Colonel in the face and walks away.) (At the old Sunnydale High ruins. Buffy and Riley are setting up a campsite. They have coolers and a camp lantern. Riley spreads a sleeping bag on the ground. Buffy is pouring from a thermos.) BUFFY: I hope everybody else is okay. It was better to split up, right? I mean, we're just too findable in a big clump. RILEY: It was better. Besides, I think it's mostly me the Initiative wants now. (He sits on the sleeping bag and sighs.) BUFFY: Probably. So what should we do? RILEY: (puts his head in his hands) We'll be safe for tonight at least. The campus is still blacked out, so that oughta slow the Initiative down. I'll (gestures vaguely) figure out my next move tomorrow. (Buffy sighs.) BUFFY: Quite a day, huh? (Riley nods.) BUFFY: You woke up to a big bowl of Wheaties. Now you're a fugitive. (Comes over to sit next to him) RILEY: I don't know. I'm sorry it ended that way. But I am glad it's done. I'm glad I know where I stand, finally. (Buffy looks pensive.) RILEY: I was wrong about Oz. I *was* being a bigot. (Buffy shakes her head.) BUFFY: No you weren't. You were thrown. You found out that Willow was in... kind of an unconventional relationship, and it gave you a momentary wiggins. It happens. RILEY: Still... I was in a totally black and white space, people versus monsters, and it ain't like that... especially when it comes to love. (Buffy looks up. She comes to a decision.) BUFFY: I have to tell you some stuff... about my past. And it's not all stuff that you're gonna like. (Riley looks a little nervous. He can tell this is important.) RILEY: You can tell me anything. BUFFY: I think so. (Smiles) I think I can. (Cut to Oz and Willow sitting in Oz's van.) WILLOW: This thing looks pretty good, considering you drove it overseas. (Oz doesn't look at her.) OZ: Well, it broke down outside of Mexico, and I traded my bass to have it fixed and garaged. (Pause.) OZ: I shouldn't have come back now... I just thought I'd changed. WILLOW: You have changed. (Smiles) You stopped the wolf from coming out. I saw it. OZ: But I couldn't look at you. (He still can't.) I mean, it turns out... the one thing that brings it out in me is you... which falls under the heading of ironic in my book. WILLOW: It was my fault. I upset you. (He finally looks at her.) OZ: Well, so we're safe then, (sarcastic) cause you'll never do that again. (Willow tries to look amused.) OZ: But... you're happy? WILLOW: (smiles) I am. I can't explain it- OZ: It may be safer for both os us if you don't. (Willow looks sad.) WILLOW: I missed you, Oz. I wrote you so many letters... but I didn't have any place to send them, you know? (Pause.) WILLOW: I couldn't live like that. OZ: It was stupid to think that you'd just be... waiting. WILLOW: I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like if I'm old and blue-haired, and I turn the corner in Istanbul and there you are, I won't be surprised. Because... you're with me, you know? OZ: I know. (Pause) But now is not that time, I guess. WILLOW:(shakes her head) No. (They look at each other.) WILLOW: What are you gonna do? OZ: I think I better take off. WILLOW: When? OZ: Pretty much now. (Willow nods. She's teary again. Oz leans over and they hug.) (sh*t of the campus still in darkness. (Cut to Tara in her darkened dorm room, looking out the window. There's a knock on the door. She gets up to answer it. It's Willow, holding a candle.) WILLOW: No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey. (Tara doesn't say anything. Willow steps forward and gives her the candle, closes the door behind herself.) WILLOW: Tara, I have to tell you... TARA: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. WILLOW: (smiles) I am. (Tara looks amazed.) TARA: You mean... WILLOW: I mean. (pause) Okay? TARA: Oh, yes. WILLOW: I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now. TARA: (starts to smile) Right now? (Willow smiles and nods. Tara blows out the candle.)

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x19 - New Moon Rising"}

foreverdreaming

~~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Close up of a wide-screen monitor. A white-haired man in a suit is sitting behind a desk. The office he's in is dark and the reflection of Colonel McNamara is seen on the glass of the monitor. Mr. Ward: And the men? McNamara: These are exceptional boys. Their capture ratio just keeps increasing. *They're* keeping it together. Morale's a problem. The death of Professor Walsh. The escape of the prototype. Controlling the HSTs is getting harder. We have serious overcrowding in the containment areas. As he spoke, the camera has slowly panned away from the monitor to the Colonel. We can see he is standing in some kind of communications center in the Initiative. There is a large world map on one wall. He is the only one there. Mr. Ward: Quite a mess. McNamara: It's not my mess, sir. I'm just holding the fort while you figure out what you want to do with the place. Mr. Ward: This incident with Finn was unfortunate. McNamara: Fell in with a bad crowd. Quite frankly, I don't think he was ever the soldier that you all hoped he was. Boy thinks too much. Mr. Ward: Nevertheless, we want him back. The government's invested a sub-- McNamara: We'll catch up to him. My feeling is . . he won't stray too far from the girl. Mr. Ward: Yes, uh . . . (puts on reading glasses to look at something on his desk) Buffy Summers. (removes glasses) Our data banks don't have much on her. McNamara: She's just a girl. Cut to-- Spike: (sighs) She's a lot more than that. He is in a chamber underground, in the sewers. Light reflecting off water is shimmering on the wall behind him as he walks across the room. Spike: The Slayer's dangerous is all I'm saying. Camera tracks Spike until we see Adam standing in front of a computer set-up. This is his hideout. Adam is sliding a disk into the drive slot in the metal plate covering his left pectoral. ADAM: Yes. She makes things interesting. Spike walks up to him. Spike: No. See? You're not getting it, Mr. Bits. You're gonna be interestingly d*ad. (paces again) Little Miss Tiny's got a habit of bollixing up the plans of every would-be, unstoppable bad-ass who sets foot in this town. He stops to face Adam. Spike: Just want you to know, when the big ugly goes down, the Slayer's gonna be right in the thick of it. You ready for that? ADAM: I'm counting on it. Wolf's howl. Buffy theme and opening credits roll. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part One ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Close up of a zippo in Spike's hand. He flips the lid open with his thumb and strikes the flame. He brings the lighter up to the cigarette in his mouth. ADAM: Two Slayers. Spike: (closing the lighter) That's right. Cut to wider sh*t. Adam is now pacing the chamber. Spike is sitting back in an old b*at-up couch, stuffing sticking out in large patches. ADAM: And you k*lled them both? Spike: (grinning) Yeah. I k*lled the hell out of them. ADAM: Yet you fear this one? Spike: (offended) Hey, watch it, mate. I don't fear anything. Just know my enemies. ADAM: Do you? Then why haven't you k*lled this Slayer yet? Spike: Because . . . (trails off) Stinking, rotten luck is why. On top of that, now I got this buggering chip up my head. ADAM: Yes. Your behavior modification circuitry. I know what you feel. Spike: (scoffs softly) Not likely. Adam stands in front of him. ADAM: You feel smothered. Trapped like an animal. Pure in its ferocity, unable to actualize the urges within. Clinging to one truth. Like a flame struggling to burn within an enclosed glass. That a beast this powerful cannot be contained. Inevitably it will break free and savage the land again. I will make you whole again. Make you savage. Moved, Spike has to blink back tears. Spike: (awed) Wow. (composes himself) I mean, *yeah*. I get why the demons all fall in line with you. (sits up) You're like Tony Robbins. If he was a big scary . . Frankenstein looking-- (reconsiders) You're exactly like Tony Robbins. ADAM: I will restore you to what you once were. When I have the Slayer . . . how and where I want her. Spike: (sighs) Easier said. She's crafty. Her and her little friends. ADAM: Friends? Spike: There's your --what do you call it-- variable. The Slayer's got pals. You want her evening the odds in a fight you don't want the Slayerettes mucking about. ADAM: Take them away from her. Spike perks up at that idea. Spike: Now there's a plan. She's working solo, she won't have a chance to come after us when the wild rumpus begins. (chuckles) Plus, it will make her miserable. And I never get tired of that. He sits back again. He smiles at that prospect. Spike: (to himself) Yeah. Leave `em to me. ADAM: You can't hurt them. What can you do to make sure they're out of the picture? Spike: Not a blessed thing. They're gonna do it for me. He brings his cigarette to his lips and as he takes a drag we-- Cut to Stevenson Hall, room 214. The room is dark. The door opens and Buffy enters switching on the light. She is still wearing the clothes we saw her in when she was in L.A. to see Angel ("Sanctuary"). As she closes the door she sees Willow's bed which looks as if it hasn't been slept in for quite sometime. She tiredly rubs a hand over her face and crosses the room to lay on her own bed. She doesn't close her eyes and there is a forlorn look on her face. Cut to exterior sh*t of the ruins of Sunnydale High School. Cut to interior of one of the burnt out hallways. Amidst the debris, we see the small camp Riley had set up in the last episode. A lantern is the only source of light aside from streams of moonlight shining through holes in the ceiling. It looks like he's been there for a while. Xander is there with a backpack on his shoulder. Riley: Do you know if she's back yet? Xander: L.A. Woman? Haven't heard from her. She'll probably come here first thing, though. Hey, who's your buddy? Xander swings the backpack from his shoulder and tosses it to Riley. Xander: So you don't have to be G.I. Joe while your civvies are getting washed. Riley pulls out a pair of really baggy pants with a blue and white confetti pattern. Xander: Try those on. You'll feel like a new man. Riley: Would this man have a bright red nose and big, floppy feet? Perturbed, Xander purses his lips and raises his eyebrows. Riley: Hey, I'm sorry. That's the cabin fever talking. Xander looks the place over. Xander: But as post-apocalypse-splendor goes . . . Riley: I've done wonders with the place. Xander: Yeah. Riley: Still . . The sooner Buffy gets back, the better I'll feel. Riley sits down on his sleeping bag, his back against the blackened wall. Xander: You and me both, big guy. Riley: I take it you're not an Angel fan either? Xander: Well, it's not like I hate the guy. Just, you know . . the guts part of him. Riley: Can't blame you. But to be fair, it's not him you hate. It's the curse. Xander doesn't respond. Riley: Right? Xander: What did Buffy tell you? He sits down on the cooler. Riley: On Angel? Everything. More than I wanted to know sometimes. She loved him. He turned evil. He, uh, k*lled people. She cured him. He left. Interesting little curse. Xander: One moment's happiness. Riley: What do you mean? Xander: You know, it's his trigger. Angel's an okay guy if he's mopey and sad and brooding, but if you give him even one second of pure, real pleasure . . . Riley: And that sets him off. Xander: Only in the big ol "k*ll your friends" kind of way. And you know what makes Angel happiest? I'll give you a hint. It not creme brulee. Riley doesn't say anything for a couple of seconds. Riley: Buffy. Xander nods, opening his palms in a "there you go" gesture. Riley dwells on this for a moment and it dawns on him. Riley: Sex (scoffs softly) with Buffy. Xander's jaw drops as he realizes . . . Xander: She . . . kind of left that part out, huh? Riley: Yeah, she did. That explains a lot of things that . . I wish weren't explained. Xander: Hey, man. That's all ancient history. Riley: (scoffs) She went running to L.A. to bone up on her history. Xander: No! I'm sure it's boneless. She just needs to make sure everything's okay. She's probably back already. Riley: Maybe. Xander: You'll feel a lot better when you see her. But Riley doesn't look so sure. Riley: I guess we'll see. Cut to exterior of Giles' apartment building. Giles: (singing) If I leave here tomorrow/ Cut to Giles' apartment. He is sitting on the side of his sofa, playing "Freebird" on his guitar. Giles: (singing) Would you still remember me?/ Camera pans slowly around him. Giles: (singing) Well I must be traveling on now/ There's too many places I've got to see/ Giles: (singing) And if I stay here with you girl/ Things just couldn't be the same/ Giles: (singing) 'Cause I'm as free as bird now--(high-pitched gasp) He jumps up from the couch as he's startled to see Spike standing in his home. The vampire starts heading for the kitchen. Spike: You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume', you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again. Giles has removed his glasses and looks peeved. He rounds the sofa and stands at the entrance of the hallway as Spike opens the refrigerator. Giles: What do you want? Spike: Ah. (he takes out a transfusion blood bag) Knew I left one. (closes fridge) Buffy around? Giles: Why? Giles moves in front of the bar as Spike pops the plastic bag into the microwave and turns it on. Spike: I need to speak to the lady of the house. Hey, be a pet and give her a message for me, would you? Tell her I just might have something she just might want. Giles: And what might that "something" be? Spike regards him with little importance. Spike: Information. Highly classified. Not cheap word-on-the-street prattle either. I'm talking about the good stuff now. Unimpressed, Giles sits on one of the stools and puts his glasses back on. He crosses his arms. Giles: Thrill me. Spike: (sighs) It's nothing I know. What, you think I'd come running over saying "I've got a secret, b*at me till I talk?" There's files in the Initiative. I'm pretty sure I know where. Giles' interest is perked. The microwave beeps. Giles: Files? Spike: (taking out the bag) Yeah. Secrets. He bites open a corner of the bag, grabs a coffee mug, and starts to pour the blood. Spike: Mission statements. Design schematics. All of Maggie Walsh's dirty laundry, which I guess would include lots of tidbits about-- Giles: (removing glasses) Adam. Spike: Well, yeah. Say someone were to risk his life and limb --well, limb anyway-- to obtain said files. It might be worth a little something. Spike lifts the mug to his mouth and drains it. Giles: A-at . . this point a cynical person might think that you're offering just what we need when we need it most. Spike: That person'd be right, Rupert. Supply and demand. And it won't be cheap this time. Giles: What do you want? Spike seems to think about it as he sets the mug down next to the sink. Spike: Hmm, year supply of blood, guaranteed protection, merry bushels of cash, and, most important . . . a guarantee that I'm not to be in anyway slain. Giles: (puts on glasses) Done. Spike: With a smile and a nod from you? Sorry. Not close to good enough. This deal's with the Slayer. Giles: I'll tell her. Spike: Oh, you'll tell her! Great comfort that. What makes you think she'll listen to you? Giles: Because . . . (trails off, unsure) Spike: Very convincing. Giles: I'm her Watcher. Spike: I think you're neglecting the past-tense there, Rupert. Besides, she barely listened to you when you were in charge. I've seen the way she treats you. Giles grows uncomfortable at those words. He grabs a bottle off the bar and starts to pour himself a drink. Giles: Oh, yes? And how's that? Spike: Very much like a retired librarian. Giles doesn't say anything and continues to pour. Spike: Look, I've got what she wants as long as she has what I want. He walks out of the kitchen and heads for the door. As he passes Giles-- Spike: Spread the word. She knows where to find me. Giles: (softly, without authority) I'll think about it. We hear the front door close and Giles brings the glass to his lips. Cut to Tara's dorm room. Willow is sitting on the bed playing with a small black and white kitten in her lap. Tara is sitting on the large chest at the foot of the bed. She is looking though the course selection booklet. Willow: Oh. I keep thinking "Okay, that's the cutest thing ever," and then she does something cuter and completely resets the whole scale. Tara: Did you see her yawn earlier? Willow: Yes! I thought I was going to die. She picks up the kitten to look into its eyes. Willow: (babying voice) Oh, I love you, Miss Kitty Fantastico! Tara: We got to get her a real name. Willow: It's so cool that she's ours. (pause) Uh, yours. That she's yours is-is cool. Tara: She can be ours if you want? Willow just smiles at that. Tara: You still need an elective. (glances down at booklet) How about . . h*m* Level Psychology? Willow: Oh. Kinda psyched out since Professor Walsh. Maybe something fun like drama. I could be dramatic. Willow picks the kitten up again in front of her face. Willow: (dramatic voice) You cannot have more catnip! You have a catnip problem! Tara: (laughing) Definitely drama. The kitty starts pawing at Willow's hair and face. She lowers it to her lap again. Willow: I haven't even dealt with the housing situation yet. Have you done anything? I hear there some off-campus places that are way cool for groups to, you know, go in on. Tara: Oh, I just figured you'd be dorming it up with Buffy again. Willow: Well, we haven't really talked about it. I used to assume we'd be roomies through grad school well into little old lady hood. You know, cheating at bingo together and forgetting to take our pills. Tara: But? Willow: But . . . I don't know. It hardly feels like we're roomies now. I mean, she's busy with Riley and I'm gone a lot too. Willow considers this and doesn't look happy about it. Willow: I guess I should ask her. Cut to exterior of Stevenson Hall the next day. Cut to close up of the "Chocolate" poster on Buffy's door. There is a knock on the other side. Buffy opens it to reveal . . . Buffy: Riley. Riley: I got a little tired of sitting around waiting, so . . . Buffy is looking at the pants he has on and grins slightly. Buffy: You joined the circus? Riley: Xander took my clothes to clean `em and left me these. (stepping inside) Does he, uh, hate me in some way I don't know about yet? I think I would've attracted less attention in my uniform. Buffy: (uncertain) Is it okay for you to be here? Riley: You tell me. Buffy: I just meant with the government branch hunting you down and all. Riley: I'm good. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small cell phone which looks as if it's been jury-rigged. Riley: And, uh, it took me a while, but I patched into their frequency. (clicks it on and we hear a garbled voice) Can't sneak up on a guy if he's listening in. Buffy: You're the sneakiest. Riley: Why they hired me. Feeling awkward, Buffy walks over to her desk to stack a text book on top of another book, giving herself something to do. Riley: You okay? She faces him, leaning on the desk. Buffy: Yeah. I just-- Angel kind of upset me. Riley: How? Buffy: It's not that interesting. Riley: Got my attention. Buffy: He just spun my head a little. Riley: You don't want to talk about it. Buffy: It's just deconstructing Angel can wait. Right now, I just want to get out there and patrol and-and find Adam. We can talk about it . . later. Riley seems a little hurt by this but tries to cover it. Riley: It's the pants, isn't it? It's okay. I couldn't take me seriously in these things either. Buffy: Riley, it's not that big a deal. Riley: Tell you what, why don't I get out of your face? You had a long trip. Buffy: Look, you don't have to go. Riley: It's okay. (forcing a grin) Besides . . heh. (indicating pants) I have to recharge them every two hours or they go d*ad on me. Buffy: (quietly) Okay. Cut to the hall. Close up on Riley as he closes the door. He is less than happy as he walks away. Cut to Spike's crypt. Xander and Anya are walking down the steps of the entrance towards Spike. He's carrying a bundle of clothing and Anya is drinking a soda through a straw. Xander: Here. You should've just saved the ensemble from the last time we snuck into the Initiative. (hands the clothes to Spike) I'm not a clothing delivery service. Anya: Well, he is, kinda. He did Riley yesterday. Xander gives her a look and she busies herself with sucking on the straw and sits down. Spike is looking through the clothes and finds a small p*stol. Spike: Hello. This is just . . . swell. Dropping the rest of the clothes on a stone bench, he aims the g*n at the wall. Spike: Gotta say . . liking this quite a lot. He starts swinging the barrel around towards Xander who watches unconcerned. Spike: Kinda changes the balances of pow--OWW! He clutches a hand to his forehead as pain hits him. Frustrated, he stalks across the crypt. Spike: Akk! Oh, come on! You got to be kidding? Anya: (playing with her straw) Wow. That chip in your head means you can't even point a g*n. How humiliating. Xander: Doesn't work anyway. It's a fake. Spike turns around to glare at him. Anya: Can't even point a decorative g*n? Xander: Give it up for a American chipmanship. Spike: It doesn't work? What about self-defense? I'm taking a risk here, you know? Xander: Can I tell you how much I really . . don't care? Spike: (warningly) Attitude. See how far that'll take you in boot camp. (Xander gives him a questioning look) Say, I hope you get one of those toughs-as-nails drill sergeants who's only hard on the men because he's trying to keep them alive when the b*ll*ts start flying. I love that stuff. Anya is now standing giving Xander a perplexed look. Spike sits down on the bench. Xander: Boot camp? Yeah. Like I'd go there. Spike: What, you changed your mind? Not gonna join? Anya hits Xander hard on the chest. Anya: (angry) You're joining the Army!? Xander: (to Anya) Okay, one-- Ow. (to Spike) Two-- Where'd you get that idea? (to Anya) Three-- OW! I'm not joining the army! Anya: Oh, good. Stopped that nonsense just in time. Xander: I was never-- He turns to Spike who's examining the fake g*n. Xander: Who'd you hear this from? Spike: Oh, your girlie-mates were talking. Something about, uh, being all you can be. Or all *you* can be. And having laugh. Figured you were signing up. Say, have you got anything larger in the . . toy g*n line? He holds out the g*n to him but Xander isn't paying him any attention. Xander: "All I can--" (paces to the other side of the crypt) Can you believe this!? Like I'm some sort of useless lunk. It happens I'm good at a lot of things. I help out with all kinds of . . . stuff. I have skills . . . and . . . stratagems. I'm very . . . (looks to Anya) Help me out. Anya: (nonchalant) He's Viking in the sack. Spike: (not caring) Terrific. (indicates the clothes in his hands) You didn't have these cleaned after the last time, did you? Xander continues as if not hearing him. Xander: This is so like them, lately. It's all about them and the college life. Well, you know what college is? It's high school only without the actual going to class. Well . . high school was kinda like that too. But the point is, I'm out there working hard to make a living. It's nothing but a huge joke to them. Xander got fired from Starbucks. Xander got fired from that phone-sex line. Anya: They look down on you. Xander: And they hate you. Anya: But they don't look down on me. Spike: Hey, it was just a laugh. There's no need to go insane over it. Xander glares menacingly at him. Xander: Is anybody talking to you? Spike: (mock gasp) Sir, no sir. Cut to the woods. Buffy is patrolling, walking on a dirt path leading up to a cave entrance. She is carrying the blaster Professor Walsh had given her ("The I In Team"). She's heading towards the cave when Forrest Gates jumps out into the path behind her and she whirls around to face him. They are pointing their blasters at each other. Forrest: Don't sh**t. Buffy: Give me a reason not to? Forrest: You're k*lling humans now? Buffy: Not yet. (lowers blaster) Beating you senseless should do just fine. Forrest: I can have a patrol here in under a minute. So here's the plan: you go you're way, I'll go mine. Buffy turns and continues to the cave. Forrest starts to follow but stops when she looks back at him. Buffy: I'm checking out that cave. Forrest: My orders exactly. Buffy: Alone? Forrest: We're spread a little thin, so yeah. Family's tearing apart. Buffy: (sarcastic) Family. What kind of family are you? Corleones. She turns and enters the cave. Cut to interior. Buffy steps inside followed by Forrest. Forrest: We weren't until you showed up. Buffy: What? No girls in the club? Forrest: You think you're the first girlfriend Riley's ever had? (she stops to glare at his back as he continues ahead) Such a big head on that skinny little body. (he stops to face her) No. You're just the first one to get him to commit treason. Riley had a career. And a future till he met you. And, yeah, I got a problem with that. Buffy: A future? A future doing what? (steps closer to him) Illegal experiments. t*rture. m*rder. I guess k*lling someone isn't really a problem for you. Forrest: Less and less. And why don't you get the hell out of here before I-- He takes a thr*at step to her. Buffy: (angry) Touch me and you'll find out what Slayer strength is like. Forrest: (gamely) I think it's about time you showed me then. ADAM: (OS) Yes. They look back the way they came and see Adam suddenly standing there. ADAM: I think that would be interesting. Off Buffy and Forrest's "Oh, shit" expressions, fade out. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Two ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Buffy steps forward ready to f*re her blaster but Adam swings his arm and knocks it out of her hands. She quickly strikes with a front kick that does little damage and blocks Adam's arm when he swings it at her again. Forrest rushes in to att*ck but Buffy is between him and Adam and shoves him back hard. Buffy: Get out of here! As Forrest falls to the ground, Buffy hits Adam in the face with a hard backhand. Adam hardly feels it and grabs her by the neck throwing her across the cave. She slams into the rock wall and drops to the ground. Adam turns his attention to Forrest and his Polgara skewer juts out of his left arm. Forrest is getting back to his feet. Forrest: Not moving. He raises his blaster and fires it at Adam. Reacting to the blast, Adam arches back, his arms wide as if accepting the charge. The rings of electricity course over his body then seem to be absorbed within him. He looks at Forrest. ADAM: Thank you. Buffy saw this and is rising to her knees. Buffy: Go! Get out! But Forrest charges Adam and the demonoid cyborg meets him with the skewer, shoving it through his chest. Buffy: NO! Forrest quickly goes limp and Buffy runs towards them. With his free arm, Adam tosses Forrest's body in the air and it slides off his skewer and crashes into Buffy, knocking her down. Adam immediately picks up Forrest's blaster. Buffy: Oh, God. Buffy rolls Forrest's body off of herself and is rising to her feet when Adam fires the blaster. The charge hits her full force and sends her flying back where she collides with a large boulder. She drops to her knees and, as soon as she's on her feet, bolts for the entrance. Adam tracks her with the g*n and fires another blast. It just barely misses her, bl*wing apart a huge chunk of the cave wall. Cut to outside. We see Buffy stumbling out of the cave on legs that don't seem to work right, but she continues to pick up speed as she runs down the hill. She takes a quick glance over her shoulder. It doesn't look like Adam is after her but she doesn't stop, desperate to escape. She suddenly loses her footing on the edge of a steeper slope and tumbles down the incline. She doesn't roll very far before she's stopped by a large rock sticking out of the ground, hitting her head hard. Cut to overhead sh*t, looking down on her. Buffy is lying unconscious beside the rock. Her head turned to the side, we can see a gash on the left side of her forehead and a bruise already forming next to her eye. Cut to elevated sh*t of Sunnydale. Nighttime. Cut to Spike walking casually down the steps to the courtyard of Giles' apartment building. He is wearing the commando garb Xander provided him with. He stops before reaching Giles' front door, taking one last pull on his cigarette then grounds it out under his boot. He stands there for a moment, then takes a couple of deep breaths, prepping himself, and rushes into the apartment. Spike: (closing the door) I think I lost the buggers. Willow stands up from where she was sitting at Giles' desk. Willow: Any luck with the disks? He pulls out a few disks from the pockets of his flak jacket and commando pants. Spike: (handing them to her) Took what they had. Should be something useful on one of them. Willow: Hope so. Willow sits down again in front of her laptop. Tara is standing beside her. Tara: What are we looking for? Willow: (sliding one of the disks into her laptop) Anything about Adam. Giles is sitting at the bar, pouring himself a drink. He doesn't sound completely sober. Giles: (unconcerned) Were there any problems getting in and out? Spike: No. I mean, a couple of them made me on the way out, but I took care of `em. Giles: (sarcastic) Gave them a good running-away-from-them, did you? Spike sh**t him a look. Spike: Well, yeah. When do I get paid? Giles: When Willow tells me you've brought us something useful. Spike turns his attention to Willow. Tara is looking at what she's doing with interest and he notices the subtle, but intimate way, she's stroking a lock of Willow's hair. He raises a thoughtful eyebrow, taking note of this. Then he steps up behind Giles. Spike: I could've gone straight to the Slayer, you know? I cut you in, let you pretend you're actually in charge, now you've got to wait for Red's permission to finish the deal? Giles is seething into his drink. Giles: As soon as we see what's on the disks. The laptop starts making electronic jittery noises. Tara: It looks like gibberish. Giles and Spike look over at them. Spike: Gibberish? Willow: They're encrypted. Giles: Oh, wonderful. Giles steps away from the bar and disappears down the hall. On the laptop there are small symbols crisscrossing the screen. Spike: Can you fix `em? Willow: Crack a government encryption code on my laptop? Easy as really difficult pie. Why? Spike: (sighs) You're not exactly the whiz these days either. God, I'm never gonna get paid. Effected by the offhanded remark, Willow shifts uncomfortably in her chair. Willow: I am a whiz. Tara: She is a whiz. Willow: If every a whiz there was. I-I just need some time. Spike: No. I just heard you weren't . . . (Willow hits a key and the jittering stops) Your mates said you weren't playing with computers so much. (indicates Tara) Into the new thing. Willow: (frowning) What new thing? Spike: (nonchalant) You know, you two. The whole wicca thing. Willow: They-they were talking about that? Spike: Can we get back to business here? I've got a deal at stake. But Willow is very concerned now. Willow: What did they say? Spike: (impatient sigh) Talking about, you know, it's a phase. You'll get over it. Willow: What? Who said that? Was it Buffy? (to Tara) 'Cause . . . you know what she means by that. Spike: No, she was defending you. 'Cause Xander said you were just being trendy. Willow: Trendy? Spike: I don't know what they were going on about. A person wants be a witch, that's their business. Willow shakes her head, thoughtfully. Willow: (softly) I knew Buffy was freaked. Tara: You should talk to her, 'cause I'm sure she-- Spike: Pressing business, ladies. (pointing to the screen) Don't want to get sidetracked. (taps it with his finger) Still got your monsters to fight. Cut to the Initiative. The containment area. Close up of a butt-ugly demon who steps too close to the sliding glass wall of its cell and is zapped by a charge of electricity. The place is filled with demons, every cell occupied, some with more than one. It is also noisy with their growling. Colonel McNamara has just walked in with a lieutenant and they make their way down the long row of white cells. Lieutenant: Cell capacity maxed out three days ago, sir. We keep up this pace they'll be nowhere left to contain the hostiles. McNamara: (coldly) They're animals, lieutenant. We pack them in until we're out of room and then we pack them in some more. Lieutenant: (worried) They're going to start tearing each other apart, sir. McNamara: I have no problem with that scenario. As they reach the other side of the containment area, we see two demons in the last cell fighting, their claws at each other's throat. Cut to the communications room, which is filled with techs and alive with activity and radio chatter. McNamara and the lieutenant enter and their attention is immediately drawn to one of the officers who's receiving an urgent message for help from one of the squads out in the field. Commando: (on radio) Back-up team! Request immediate back-up! Over! They're tearing us apart over here! Two men down! From out of nowhere! Mayday! Repeat! Mayday! Cut to Riley at the ruins of Sunnydale High School, sitting on his sleeping bag. He puts down the soup can he was eating out of and lifts up his jury-rigged cell phone he was listening to. Commando: (on phone) --Team Epsilon requesting immediate back-up! We're in the alley behind the school building! Where the hell is-- Fall back! Fall back! It's coming-- The transmission is cut off. Riley gets up and grabs his commando gear. Cut to a sh*t of Riley running down an empty street. Cut to an alley and we see a commando go flying across the alley and h*t the wall. Riley comes running around the corner just in time to see him fall to the pavement unconscious. He hears fighting further down the alley and raises his flashlight, shining it on the back of a figure in a long black coat. As soon as the light hits him, the person whirls around and glares at Riley. Off Angel's pissed off expression, fade out. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Three ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Angel and Riley are facing each other. Angel is standing amidst the bodies of three more unconscious commandos. Riley lowers the flashlight. Angel: Riley Finn. Riley slips the flashlight into his cargo pocket. Riley: I know you? Angel: We have a friend in common. Recognition fills Riley's expression. Riley: Angel. Angel takes a step forward glancing down at the commandos on the ground. Angel: Welcoming committee your idea? Riley: Way I heard it. You were all peaceable now. You didn't by any chance go and lose that pesky soul again, did you? Angel: (dangerously) Don't push me, boy. If Riley had tail feathers they would have been ruffled. If he had whiskers they would have bristled. Riley: (calm rage) Now what possibly could've happened with Buffy that would make you lose your soul? Angel is walking a slow path that would take him around Riley. Angel: (coolly) That'd be between me and her. Riley steps in Angel's path and hits the release on the asp in his hand extending it to a baton. Riley: Where do you think you're going? Angel: Going to see an old girlfriend. They are now standing right in front of each other. Riley: Oh, you really think I'm gonna let that happen? Angel: You think you're gonna stop me? Riley: I surely do. Angel throws a right cross at Riley's face but he deflects it with his free hand and whips the baton into Angel's face. Riley quickly spins into a backhand swing and Angel catches his arm, forcing him down on one knee, and slams a knee into Riley's face. Angel doesn't let him go and lifts him back to his feet to swing him around and throw him through the air. Riley flies back into a large heap of trash bags and card board boxes next to the loading dock of a building. He scrambles out of the trash onto the loading dock and picks up his baton where it had landed. Angel leaps high through the air landing on the dock before Riley can get to his feet. Riley uses the baton to block Angel's kick but the w*apon is knocked out of his hand and the vampire punches him across the face. Still on his knees, Riley retaliates with a fist to Angel's groin and, as the vampire bends down around his pain, gets to his feet picking up an empty liquor bottle and smashes it over his head. He grabs Angel by the coat and rams a knee into his back sending him against the building. Angel swings a backhand but Riley blocks it and slams the same knee into his stomach. Angel recovers and grabs Riley's flak jacket slamming him back against a heavy door. He hits Angel in the face with a left cross, but Angel just slams him against the door again, getting his hands around his throat. As Riley is forced down, under Angel's strength, he pulls out a taser from his jacket and shoves into Angel's chest. The shock flings him back and he falls into the trash heap. Riley's on his feet and goes after him. Angel raises his head and growls at him, in full vamp face. Riley plants a hard kick into his chest and Angel tumbles out onto the pavement. Standing over him, Riley tries to h*t him with the taser once more, but Angel catches his wrist, forcing him to drop it, and drives a fist into his stomach. He lifts Riley over his head and growls as he runs with him across the alley to send him crashing into a group of storage drums against the side of a warehouse. Riley tumbles to the ground but Angel picks him up again and sends him flying to the other side of the alley. He lands on a pile of large metal conduit tubes, which break his fall none to gently, and he flops to the pavement. Angel hears the loud engine of an approaching vehicle and quickly climbs up the side of the warehouse, disappearing over the top. Riley is on his knees when he sees the humvee rounding the corner. He manages to get to his feet and hurries on unsteady legs down a narrow passage between two of the buildings before the headlights sweep the alley. Cut to Buffy's dorm room. She walks inside, looking like hell, and removes her jacket as she steps up to the mirror on the wall. Ugly bruising has formed around the gash on her forehead and she winces as she touches it with her fingers. Cut to outside her door. Someone steps in front of it and knocks. A moment later, Buffy opens the door and is surprised to see-- Buffy: Angel. Angel: Hi. Can I come in? Buffy: (softly) I guess. He hesitates. Angel: Uh, I need a little more than that. Buffy: Oh. Um . . . come in. He walks inside past her and she closes the door. He turns to face her and she takes notice of the blood on his temple and his split bottom lip. Buffy: (stoic) You're hurt. Angel: You too. Buffy: I'll live. Buffy: You want to tell me who ran your face into that doorknob? Angel: Not really. It's not world-in-peril stuff. Buffy: Let me guess. (a touch of venom) You thought of something else really hurtful to say and, well, you couldn't tell me on the phone because the funniest part is that look on my face-- Angel: Buffy, please. I really don't have a lot of time. She hears the slight urgency in his voice. Buffy: (concerned) What's going on? The door bursts open a Riley steps in, steadying himself against the shelf of Willow's desk. He raises his arm and aims the Baretta in his hand at Angel, thumbing back the hammer. Riley: (pissed) I told you you weren't coming near her. Buffy takes in his battered appearance. She goes ballistic. Buffy: (pissed) You've got to be kidding me. This is why you came? Angel: No. This was accident. Buffy: (very pissed) Running a car into a tree is an accident! Running your fist into somebody's face is a plan! Please, explain this to me! Angel doesn't answer her but looks at Riley. Angel: (calmly) Put that g*n down. Riley: It's pretty much all I got left, so I'm thinking not. He att*cked four of my men, Buffy. I think he's up to his old tricks. Buffy: He won't hurt anybody. (to Angel) Tell him. Angel starts to move forward. Angel: (with contained v*olence) Might hurt you. Riley steps forward. Riley: Please try. Angel: Heh. Some thr*at. You can barely stand. Riley brandishes the g*n in front of his face. Riley: Trigger finger feels okay. Angel: (sideglance to Buffy) You actually sleep with this guy? While his head's turned, Riley punches him in the face. Angel quickly hits him back. Buffy: Okay, stop it! Buffy steps in between them and shoves them apart. Riley slams back against Willow's desk and Angel goes flying onto Willow's bed. Buffy: Okay, that's enough! I see one more display of testosterone poisoning and I will personally put you both in the hospital! She glances back and forth between them. Riley looks like he still wants to sh**t Angel. Buffy: (challengingly) Anybody think I'm exaggerating? Angel: He started-- Buffy points a warning finger at him and he wisely shuts up. She gives him a "working my last nerve" look and walks over to Riley. Buffy: (softly) Riley. (glances at his g*n) Riley: I'm sorry. (he holsters it) Just wanted to know that you were safe. Buffy: (gently) I need to talk to Angel for a minute. Riley: (exasperated) What? Buffy: Riley, please. He looks over at Angel who's just sitting down on the bed, elbows resting on his knees. He looks down at Buffy again. Riley: (quietly firm) I'm not leaving this room. (crosses his arms) I mean it. Riley continues to glare at Angel. Buffy looks over her shoulder and gives Angel a slight tilt of her head, then walks past Riley to the door. Angel stands up to follow her and doesn't even bother to hide the smirk on his face as he passes Riley. He closes the door and Riley is left alone. Riley: Not moving a muscle. Out in the empty hall, Buffy turns on Angel. Buffy: (angry) Okay. I come to see you, to help you, and you treat me like I'm just . . . your ex. Angel: Well, technically-- Buffy: Shut up! And then you order me out of *your* city and then you come here and start pounding on my boyfriend?! I would really like to know what the HELL are you trying to do?!. Angel: I was trying to make things better. She regards his sincere expression and can't keep herself from laughing. It becomes contagious because Angel can't help but to smile also. Angel: Heh. Well. (chuckles) It's a . . . going pretty good, don't you think? Buffy is leaning against the wall. Buffy: (smiling) Swell. Angel: You know-- heh. (seriously) I couldn't leave it like that. The way I spoke to you-- I came to apologize. I . . I had no right. Buffy: And Riley? Angel: I got jumped by some soldiers. He came in in the middle. And wasn't real forthcoming with the benefit of the doubt. Buffy: Put yourself in his place. Angel does consider this. Angel: I get it. Buffy is looking down at the floor. Buffy: Look . . . You weren't entirely wrong, what you said in L.A. (she meets his eyes) We don't live in each other's worlds anymore. I had no right to barge in on yours and make judgments. Angel: I'm still sorry. Buffy: Thank you. Angel: And, next time . . I'll apologize by phone. (Buffy laughs softly) Uh, things are pretty tense around here. Buffy rests her head back tiredly. Buffy: They really are. Angel: Can I do anything? Buffy: Honestly . . . I think the best thing you can do right now is-- Angel: (understandingly) Okay. Buffy: It means a lot that you came. Angel just looks at her for a moment then starts walking down the hall. Buffy his heading to her door when Angel turns around again. Angel: Oh, and . . . Riley. Buffy: Yeah? Angel: I don't like him. Buffy smiles. Buffy: Thank you. Angel turns and continues down the hall. Buffy watches him for a couple of seconds then returns to her room. She opens the door and we see that Riley did in fact move several muscles for he is standing on the other side of the room. He has removed his flak jacket and turns to face her. Cut to Adam's lair. He is sitting in front of his computer set-up. The metal plate on the left side of his head is open and there is a cable plugged into a socket, wiring him directly to the system. We hear a heavy door being opened and he looks over to see Spike walking into the chamber. The vampire is back in his usual attire and is finishing off a can of beer. Spike: (happily) Now that . . . (crushes can and throws it down) was fun! ADAM: You were successful? Spike: ("no problem" scoff) Easier than I'd thought it'd be, too. ADAM: You're sure? Spike: (scoffs) Feel it in my bones. It's, uh . . called the Yoko Factor. Spike lights a cigarette and Adam just looks at him. Spike: Don't tell me you've never heard of the Beatles? Adam disconnects the cable and closes his face plate. ADAM: I have. (stands) I like "Helter Skelter." He crosses to the other side of the chamber. Spike: What a surprise. The point is, they were once a real powerful group. It's not a stretch to say they ruled the world. And when they broke up everyone blamed Yoko, but the fact is the group split itself apart, she just happened to be there. And you know how it is with kids. They go off to college, they grow apart. Way of the world. ADAM: So you separated the Slayer from her friends. I'm pleased. Adam turns and gazes down at the ground, looking thoughtful. Spike: Well . . since we've got all our ducks in a row and not talking to each other . . guess it's time for the grand plan, huh? You know the one where I get the chipectomy. You got everything you need, right? Adam looks at him. ADAM: No. There's one more thing. Spike regards him with a frown. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Four ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. From where we left Buffy and Riley. She's stepping up to him and they're standing between the beds. Buffy: (softly) How bad are you hurt? Riley: Dunno yet. Night's still young. Buffy: (mournful) Riley, I have to tell you something. Riley: Figured. Buffy: Maybe you want to sit down. Riley: I'm fine. Buffy: Riley, I-- Riley: (insistent) Wait. Me first. Buffy blinks in surprise. Riley: Buffy . . . I feel like we've gotten really close. At least I thought we had. I don't know much about Angel (Buffy lowers her eyes) or your relationship with him . . but . . . all I ask is . . if you're gonna break heart, do it fast. Buffy looks up at him, frowning. Buffy: What? You think that Angel and I . . . Riley: Didn't you? Buffy: No. Of course not. How can you even ask me that? Riley: (sighs) I don't know. Xander said-- Buffy: Xander?! Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia. Riley: No. It's not his fault. I prodded and he explained how Angel went bad. The, uh, trigger. Buffy: (quietly) Oh. Riley: And, uh (chuckles) after that, I went a little nuts! You know? I mean . . . On the one hand . . I should believe in us. But on the other . . Sometimes things happen between exes and when I saw that he was bad. . . Buffy: He's . . not bad. Riley just looks at her. Riley: Seriously? That's . . a good day? (Buffy rolls her eyes in confirmation) Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mister . . Billowy Coat King of Pain and girls really-- Buffy: Riley, stop. She takes his hand and they sit down on her bed. Riley: See? Nuts. Buffy: Have I ever given you any reason to feel that you can't trust me? Riley: No. Buffy: Then why with the crazy? He looks into her eyes. Riley: (meaningfully) Because I'm so in love with you I can't think straight. Her eyes start to glisten. Buffy: Tell me about it. He hugs her and she closes her eyes as she holds him tight. Buffy: Riley. (pulls away) I still have to tell you something. And there's no easy way-- Riley: Just say it. Buffy: (a b*at) Forrest is d*ad. Riley takes this news and leans his elbows on his knees, resting his face in his hands. Buffy: (gently) I'm so sorry. There was a fight. Adam k*lled him. I barely got away. I know that there's nothing I can say that's gonna make this better. But we will find this thing and destroy it. Riley: (somber) I have to go. Buffy: Are you sure? He doesn't look at her once as he raises his head and stands up. Riley: I have to go now. He walks to the door, grabbing his flak jacket off Willow's chair and leaves. Off Buffy's concerned expression, we-- Cut to Giles' apartment. Willow is still working on the laptop. The encryption code is still crisscrossing the screen. Willow: (a tad frustrated) It's still encrypted. Buffy and Tara are standing to either side of her. Tara: (to Buffy) Well, Willow's working really hard on it. Buffy: Okay, well, how long before you . . un-crypt it? Willow: Hours. Days maybe. Anyone suggesting months would not be accused of crazy talk. Giles is in the kitchen pouring himself a drink and more inebriated than ever. Giles: What ever happened to Latin? At least when that made no sense, the church approved. Buffy: (slightly impatient) I can't just wait around, Will. The disk is no good to me unless you crack it soon. Buffy doesn't see Willow's withering look behind her back as she walks towards the living room area. Anya is sitting on the arm of the couch, her feet on the cushion. Xander is sitting next to her not looking entirely happy. Anya: Hey! We worked really hard getting that. Xander delivered clothing. Giles: Church approved. Giles happily closes the cork of the liquor bottle with his palm. Buffy: Sorry, you guys, but we're on a clock here. Okay, Adam was at that cave so maybe he was there for a reason? I-I can--I can go back, scope it out, track him if I have to. Willow: (sarcastic) Right. (stands moving to the living room) And then maybe you'll get lucky and he'll still be there and he can rip your arms off for you? (sternly) Buffy, you can't go back alone. Giles: You never train with me anymore. He's gonna kick your ass. Buffy: (shocked) Giles. He steps out of the kitchen, drink in hand, and leans against the entrance of the hallway. Giles: Sorry. Was it a bit honest? (drunken grin) Terribly sorry. Xander: (standing) So she doesn't go alone. (turns to him) Giles, w*apon all around. Buffy: You're not going, Xander. He turns to face her, giving her a hard look. Buffy: Y-you'd get hurt. Xander: (as if expecting this) Oh. Okay. You and Willow go do the superpower thing, I'll stay behind and putt around the Batcave with crusty old Alfred here. (with a thumb to Giles) Giles: Ah-ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job. Buffy: Willow is not going either. I'm doing it alone. Willow steps closer so now she's standing at one end of the coffee table across from Buffy. Xander is between them. Tara slips past Giles and disappears down the hallway. Willow: (still sarcastic) Oh, great. And then when you have your new "no arms" we can all say "Gee, it's a good thing we weren't there getting in the way of that!" Anya gets up from the couch but they don't notice her following Tara. Xander: Right! Maybe we can help in other ways? (to Buffy) Want some fighting pants, Buff? I can get ya some new fighting pants! Buffy: You guys, this isn't helping. Willow: Oh, wow! We're already getting in the way. We're pretty good at this, Xander, huh? Xander: Right. I'm so good at it you might have to ship me off to the Army to get me out of the way! Buffy: The Army? Xander: You didn't think I knew about that, did you? You two talking about me behind my back. Willow frowns at him. Buffy: Us talking about *you*? How about you telling Riley every last detail of my life with Angel? Willow: And besides, when is there any "us two?" You two are the two who are the two. I'm the other one. Xander: Uh-huh. But maybe that all changes when I'm doing sit-ups over at Fort Dix? Giles almost chokes on his drink. Giles: Fort Dix? He bursts out in a wheezing laugh. The three of them stare at him Buffy: Are you drunk? Giles: (happily) Yes. Quite a bit, actually. Buffy: Well, stop it! (to Xander and Willow) This is stupid. Xander: Stupid? So you finally have the guts to say it to my face? Buffy: I didn't say you were stupid! So . . stop being an idiot and let me fix this! Xander rolls his head in an exasperated way and sits down on the couch. Buffy: Okay, I need you. I need both of you. All the time! Just . . not now. Adam is very dangerous. Willow: Wait. How do you need me, really? Buffy: You're . . good with the computer stuff. (Willow accepts that) Usually. (Willow glares at her) And-and there's the witch stuff. Willow: (accusingly) Witch stuff? What exactly do you mean by "witch stuff?" Buffy: You guys, what is happening? This is crazy! Giles: Oh, no, it's not. (moves to his desk) It's all finally making perfect sense and I'm not going to miss a moment of it. He sets his drink down and tries to sit. But his aim is off and his ass doesn't come close to hitting the chair and he drops to the floor. Cut to Giles' very clean, white bathroom. Anya is sitting on the closed lid of the toilet and Tara is leaning against the side of the tub. They can still hear the muffled argument on the other side of the closed door. Tara: You think this will go on for a while? Anya: (nonchalant) Hard to say. They fall silent as they look around the bathroom. Tara: Nice bathroom. Anya: (nodding) Like the tile. Cut back to the others. Xander is on his feet again, rounding to stand behind the couch. Behind him, Giles stumbles towards the stairs taking off his glasses. Xander: And if I did join the Army, I'd be great! You know why? 'Cause they might give me a job that couldn't be done by any well-trained border collie. Giles: That's it. I'm going to bed. He struggles to pull his sweater over his head as he stomps up the stairs. Willow stands beside Xander. Willow: No, you'd do wonderful in the Army. Hey, do you think the umbilical cord between you and Anya can stretch that far? Xander: I knew it! I knew you hated her! Giles' sweater drops down from the loft above and falls on him covering his face. Xander yanks it off his head. Willow: Look, I'm not the one being judgmental here. I'll leave that territory to you and Buffy. Buffy: Judgmental? If I was anymore open-minded about the choices you two make my whole brain would fall out! Xander: (to Willow) Oh! And superior. Don't forget that. (to Buffy) Just because you're better than us doesn't mean that you can be all superior! He walks past her and crosses his arms as he leans against a cabinet dresser behind her. Buffy: You guys, stop this! What happened to you today? Willow: It's not today! Buffy, things have been wrong for a while! Don't you see that? Buffy: What do you mean wrong? Willow: Well, they certainly haven't been right, since Tara. We have to face it. You can't handle Tara being my girlfriend. Xander: No! It was bad before that! (he steps out in between them again) Since you two went off to college and forgot about me! Just left me in the basement to-- (turns on Willow in shock) Tara's your girlfriend? Giles: (from upstairs) Bloody hellll! Buffy: Enough! All I know is you want to help, right? Be part of the team? Willow and Xander shake their heads, grumbling. Willow: (unison) I don't know anymore. Xander: (unison) Really not wanted. Buffy: (raising her voice) No! No, you said you wanted to go. So let's go! All of us. We'll walk into that cave with you two attacking me and the funny drunk drooling on my shoe! Hey! Hey, maybe that's the secret way of k*lling Adam?! Xander: Buffy . . . Buffy: (hurt and angry) Is that it? Is that how you can help? (a b*at) You're not answering me! How can you possibly help? They don't reply and turn their eyes away from her. She regards them silently for a moment. Buffy: (somberly) So . . . I guess I'm starting to understand why there's no ancient prophecy about a Chosen One . . and her friends. She hurries to the door grabbing her jacket. Buffy: If I need help, I'll go to someone I can count on. They don't move as she slams the door, leaving them behind. Cut to Adam's lair. We hear the heavy door opening again. Adam is standing and turns when someone walks into the chamber. ADAM: I've been waiting for you. Cut to close up of Riley. Riley: And now I'm here. To be continued

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x20 - The Yoko Factor"}

foreverdreaming

Guest starring Leonard Roberts (Forrest Gates) Amber Benson (Tara) Bailey Chase (Graham Miller) Jack Stehlin (Doctor Engleman) Conor O'Farrell (Colonel McNamara) George Hertzberg (Adam) and Lindsay Crouse as Maggie Walsh Fade into Walsh talking to Adam. Walsh: Almost time to wake up, Adam, and take your first look at the world. I know you're gonna make me proud. Cut to Walsh getting skewered by Adam. Walsh: Aah! Giles (v.o.): Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Walsh (v.o): Adam... She falls to the floor. Cut to Adam and Spike. Adam: Spike, I want you to come with me. You're going to help me with my problem. Spike: Slayer's got powers. Adam: Take them away from her. Spike: This all goes down, the chip comes out. Adam: Scout's Honor. Cut to the crypt where Buffy and Forrest fought Adam. Forrest: Riley had a career. He had a future 'till he met you and yeah, I got a problem with that. Forrest uses his blaster on Adam, shocking him. Adam just looks at Forrest. Adam: Thank you. Forrest runs up to Adam, only to get a skewer put in him. Cut to Giles' apartment. Buffy: Okay, Adam was at that cave, so maybe he was there for a reason. I'll go back, I'll scope it out-- Giles: You don't train with me anymore. He's going to kick your ass. Buffy: Giles! Xander: Stupid. So you finally had the guts to say it to my face. Willow: What exactly do you mean by 'witch stuff'? Buffy: You guys, what is happening?! Willow: Buffy, things have been wrong for a while! Buffy: I'm starting to understand why there's no ancient prophecy about a Chosen One and her friends. As she storms out: Buffy: If I need help, I'll go to someone I can count on. Adam: I've been waiting for you. Riley: And now I'm here. Fade into an exterior sh*t of the College. Cut to the crypt. Buffy is walking around. Buffy: Riley? She turns around and walks over to somewhere else. Buffy: Riley? Cut to Riley and Adam. Adam: Your thoughts are troubled. In turmoil. I understand, brother. We have a lot to discuss. Speak. Riley: What have you done to me? Adam: Nothing. It was mother, Your...Professor Walsh. She implanted the behavior modifier. Riley: A chip in my head. She really did it. Adam: Actually, the chip is here. (points to his chest) Tied directly into your central nervous system through your thoracic nerve. This is Phase One of your preparation. It lay dormant until the time came. I simply activated it, brother. Riley: Stop calling me that. I'm not your brother. You're a botched science experiment. I'm a human being, who's gonna do everything in his power to-- Adam: Sit. Riley sits down. Adam: You have no power. Not yet. Once you forget your old life and embrace your destiny as I have, you will know power you've never dreamed of. I think you're going to like it. Opening credits roll. "Buffy" theme plays. {Commercial Break} Fade into the crypt. Adam is walking around. Adam: Humans claim to old ways and ancient feuds. And they're hopeless with technology. Unworthy. (he turns around) Riley: Not really wanting a lecture right now. Adam continues walking. Adam: Disappointed by demon-kind, we turned to humans. Smart, adaptive, (he turns around) but emotional and weak. Blind. There's imperfection everywhere. Something must be done. Who will deliver us? Riley says nothing. Adam: Mother. She saw our future. Yours and mine. She saw that you were necessary. She saw the role you will play by my side. Stand up. Riley stands up. Adam: You see, we are brothers after all. Cut to Spike in the crypt. Spike: It warms the cockles of my non-beating heart seeing you lads together. Adam: I didn't send for you, Spike. Spike: Yeah, well...I'm not much the being-sent-for type. He starts walking forward. Spike: I'm much more the "I did my part, now get this chip out of my head" kind of guy. Spike looks at Riley. Spike: Slightly stiffer than usual. He snaps his fingers in Riley's face, who doesn't move a muscle. Spike: Subtle, but I like it. As he starts nudging Riley: Spike: What's with him? Adam: I activated his chip. Spike: Oh, so, it's chips all around, is it? Someone must've bought the party-pack. Adam: You get yours removed when the Slayer is where I want her. Spike: She's separated from her friends. As he walks over to a chair: Spike: They want nothing to do with her. As he sits down: Spike: She's all alone. As Adam walks over to Spike: Adam: That's how I want her. Where I want her is down in the Initiative. (stops walking) She will ensure that as many demons die as humans, she will achieve maximum carnage before she's too weak to go on. Riley: No. You can't-- Adam: Stop talking. Riley stops. Adam looks at Spike. Spike: Right. The Initiative. But getting her there--that's what the bleeding disks are for, isn't it? Our little witch gives her the info and pop--Alice heads back down the rabbit hole. Adam: The witch. Spike: Uh, Willow. (uses his hands to demonstrate height) About so high, perky, good with math. Natural choice. Adam: A friend. Spike: Right. Adam: One of the friends from whom you so efficiently separated her. Spike: Damn right I did. You should've seen her. They won't be talking to each other for a long, long-- Adam looks down at Spike. Spike: Hang on. I think I might've detected a small flaw. Adam: So you failed. Spike: Well, hey, you're supposed to be so smart. (he stands up) You let me plan this thing. Okay, let's not quibble about who failed who. The important thing is make sure the Slayer is where we want-- Adam: Go. Spike: Gone. He starts to leave. Halfway out, he stops and turns to him. Spike: So, uh, we'll do this chip thing when I get back. Adam just looks at him. Spike nods his head in agreement and leaves. Cut to an exterior view of Giles' apartment. There is a knock at the door. Cut to the interior. Giles: Oh... He walks over to the door and opens it. Tara and Willow are on the other side. Willow: Hey. Giles: Hello. (looks down at his clothes) Um, oh, uh, pardon the robe. It's a bit of a late start. Willow: Right. Tara: I hope you're feeling all right, Mr. Giles. Giles: Oh, yes, quite well, thank you. I'll--I'll probably have a brisk jog later on. Did you want something? Willow: I forgot my laptop and the disks. Giles: (takes off his glasses) Uh, yes, please, please come in. Willow walks inside. Giles: Will you be working here? Uh, typing...talking? Because, um, that will be fine. Willow: (smiling) No, that's okay. She takes her laptop and puts it in her bag. Giles looks at Tara, who smiles and nods. Willow comes back over to the two. Willow: Got 'em. So...see ya. Giles: Right. Yes, well, good luck with--with all that. Willow: Ok. Bye. Tara: Bye. Giles: Bye. He closes the door. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room. Buffy gets up from the floor and walks over to look at a picture of her, Willow, and Xander. She puts the picture down and picks up the phone. After a b*at, she puts the phone down. She walks over to a bag, and takes an axe. Cut to an exterior view of Xander's house. Cut to the interior view of Xander's basement. Xander is lying in bed. A door closes. Anya: (o.s.) Xander? She comes down the stairs. Anya: You said you wanted to check the board at the unemployment office this morning. She lifts the covers. Anya: You can't go like that. They won't even interview you if you're naked. Xander: I'm not going. There's never anything good. Anya: (sighs) Xander: Maybe I should join the Army. Anya: Don't they make you get up really early in the morning? Xander: Oh, yeah. As Xander pulls the covers over him: Xander: Never mind. She pulls the covers away from his face. Anya: Are you still upset about that fight you had with your friends? It was hours ago! Get over it. Xander: Anya, you--Forget it. Anya: So, they all think you're lost, directionless loser with no plans for his future? Pfft. Xander: Anya, you can't "pfft" that stuff away. Anya: Why not? Xander: I don't know. 'Cause I think maybe they're right. Anya sighs and kneels down to Xander's bed and lays on his chest. Anya: So what if they are? You're a good person, and a good boyfriend, and...and I'm in love with you. Whatever they think of you, it shouldn't matter. Xander: Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Cut to a crypt. Buffy is walking around inside with an axe. She walks through to another part of the crypt. Cut to the other part of the crypt. She looks around and sees many computers. Buffy: (o.s.) Adam...where are you? Cut to the inside of a lab. A ball moves away to reveal a laboratory. Adam: This is where it all happens. Where the new race begins. Riley: Where are we? Adam: In the Initiative. There are areas no one knew about beyond those that needed to. Mother kept her secrets well. Pan over to a zombie-type woman. Adam: Didn't you? Riley (o.s.) Professor Walsh? Adam: This is all how she planned it, except she thought she would be alive. Professor Walsh walks over to a table with another doctor, who turns around. It's Doctor Engleman. Riley: Are you-- Adam looks at Riley. Riley: Is that what you were gonna do to me? Adam: They're just workers. You know your destiny is much greater. A zombie-man sits up. Riley: Forrest? Oh, God. Forrest: God has nothing to do with it. Cut to Adam. Cut to Riley. Cut to black. {Commercial Break} Fade into Adam's lair. Buffy walks around and runs into Spike, who puts his hands up. Spike: Easy, Sheriff. Watch where you point that thing. Buffy: What are you doing here? Spike: Looking for a little weekend getaway place. Shove off. He starts walking past Buffy. Adam's been using these caves. Spike stops walking. What? I found his lair. Spike: (sigh) Oh, cripes. That's all I need. Runnin' into that goon. Buffy: Yeah, well, Adam's cleared out of here. Whatever he's planning is about to go down. Spike: Look at little Nancy Drew. What about those disks I nabbed? They ought to tell you something. Buffy: Willow has the disks. Spike: Well, then I'd get on that. Cut to Buffy. Spike (o.s.): Can't ignore valuable information Cut to Spike. Spike: just 'cause you two birds fell out, now can you? Buffy: Right. Spike: Well, you do what you want. As he starts to leave: Spike: No worry of mine, now is it? Cut to Willow's room. Willow and Tara are working on deciphering the disks. Tara: Maybe you should rest. Clear your head? She sits down. Willow: Can't. (cut to the screen) Not now. I--I think I'm on to something. I've been assuming the (cut to the two)--the ciphertext was encrypted with an asymmetric algorithm. Then it h*t me. A hexogonic key pattern. It's-- Tara: Hey, look, you did it. Cut to the screen. After a b*at, cut back to the two. Willow: I didn't. I haven't even finished typing in the new code. Tara: Something's doing it. Willow: Must be programmed to (cut to the screen) self-decrypt to a certain point. (cut back to Willow) That is so annoying. It's like someone blurting out the answer to a riddle just when you've--I mean Yippee! We have the information. Tara: I'm not sure if "Yippee"'s the right response, either. Read that. The phone rings. Tara gets up to answer it. Tara: Hello? Yeah, she's right--I mean, let me check. She moves the phone to her shoulder. Tara: It's Buffy. Cut to a close up of Willow's face. Cut to the lower level of the Initiative. Riley: Professor Walsh. Professor Walsh, it's Riley Finn. Can you hear me? Forrest (o.s.): She's d*ad. Artificially (walks into view) reanimated with basic to moderate brain activity. Mommy can hear you, but she's still a walking corpse. Professor Walsh pulls out a syringe. Riley: So are you. Forrest: Mm-mmm (No). Got that wrong. I'm surging with life... and strength. Adam made me to be nearly as bad as he is. Really looking forward to trying out your girl again. Riley: I'm sorry, Forrest. Forrest: Don't be. This is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm free of all my weaknesses...my doubts. He's gonna fix you up too, soon as we got some choice parts. Then you and me will be back on the same side again. Moving toward a new future. Riley: I'll never let that happen. Forrest: You don't get it brother, you don't have a choice. Your will belongs to us now. Riley: No. That's not true. Forrest: Then why don't you get out of that chair and walk out of here? Riley: You can't control my-- Walsh: Riley, be a good boy. She comes toward him with a syringe and puts it into his skin. Cut to the campus. Many people are walking around. Buffy walks up, meeting with the Scooby g*ng. Buffy (to Xander): Where's Anya? Xander: Oddly, Anya decided not to join us, despite all the fun we had at our last meeting. Willow: And I don't think Tara felt welcome. Buffy: Why? Because of the things that we said? Willow nods. Buffy: Will, who told you we were talking behind your back, specifically? Well, um...Spike, specifically, but-- And who told you that we thought you'd be better off joining the Army? That's not...exactly what he said. Giles: Well, uh...S--S--Spike can be very convincing when--when--when, uh...I'm very stupid. Buffy: He played us. He wanted us to fight to split us up. That's where it came from. The stuff we said the other night. Giles: Of course. Well, piffle, let's move on. Xander: I'm movin'. Willow: Me, too. Buffy: Good. Great. Cut to Willow. Cut to Xander. Cut to Giles. Cut to a sh*t of all four. Willow: So...why do you think Spike made with the head games? Xander: He's all dressed up with no one to bite. He's gotta get his ya-yas somehow. I think it was more than that. I think it was Adam. Xander: Spike's working for Adam?! After all we've done--nah, I can't even act surprised. Giles smiles. Buffy: I just went to Adam's lair and he was gone. But, Spike just happened to be there. He made this big noise about getting information off those encrypted disks. Willow: Oh, I decrypted them. Buffy looks at her, surprised. Willow: Well, they decrypted themselves, but I almost had it. Giles: What did they say? Willow: A bunch of stuff we already know about 314. But it also said there's some final phase where Adam manufactures a bunch of creepy cyber-demonoids like him. There's a special lab in The Initiative, but it didn't say where. Buffy: Adam fed Spike those disks. It has to be. He wanted me to know about his evil-guy assembly line. This lab, it's in the Initiative? Willow: Hidden somewhere. Buffy: We'll give the demon his due. He thought this one out. Willow: What do you mean? Buffy: You know how overcrowded the containment cells have been at the Initiative? Willow nods. Buffy: Those demons were just too easy to catch. It's like they wanted in that place. Giles: (putting on his glasses) The Trojan horse. Buffy: Adam's gonna make sure the demons att*ck the Initiative from the inside. Xander: Demons versus soldiers. m*ssacre, m*ssacre. Willow: And Adam has a neat pile of body parts to start assembling his army. Diabolical, yet...(makes a face) Gross. Xander: Does anybody else miss the Mayor, I just wanna be a big snake? Buffy: I've got to shut him down, Giles. His final phase is about to start. Giles: We need to warn the Initiative. Buffy: They're not gonna listen to me. Willow: Riley? Buffy: He's a deserter. He got some bad news anyway, and kinda took off. Xander: Okay, I'm confused again. Adam has this evil plan. Why is he so anxious for you to know about it? Buffy: He wants me there. Probably figures I'll even the k*ll ratio. Xander: He's not worried you might k*ll, oh say, him? Buffy: No, he's really not. Cut to the lower lab. Adam: She's coming. I can feel it. Spike: Good on you. Got a chunk of prognosticating demon in there, right? He walks over to a chair. Spike: Now, (claps his hands) if you'll just get this chip out of my cranium...(he sits down) I'll be out of your way. And mind the hairline. I don't fancy fussing over a comb-over as I resume my k*lling ways. Come on, we had a deal. Adam: When she's here. Spike: (sighs) Cut to Riley. Cut to Giles' apartment. Giles: Certainly no lack of supplies. I only wish I knew which ones would k*ll Adam. Buffy: According to Riley, his power source is uranium core embedded somewhere inside his chest. Probably near the spine. Xander: Great, so we just ask him to lie down quietly while we do some exploratory surgery. Willow: What about magic? Some kind of, I don't know...uranium extracting spell? Everyone looks at her in disbelief. Willow: I know. I'm reaching. Giles stands up. Giles: Perhaps a paralyzing spell. He walks over to the bookshelf and pulls a book off. Giles: Only I can't perform the incantation for this. Willow: Right. Don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something? Giles: I do speak Sumerian. It's not that. Only a...an experienced witch can incant it, and you'd have to be within striking distance of this object. Xander: See what you get for takin' French instead of Sumerian? Buffy: What was I thinking? Xander: So no problem, all we need is combo Buffy--her with Slayer strength, Giles' multi-lingual know how, and Willow's witchy power. Giles looks at him. Xander: Yeah, don't tell me. I'm just full of helpful suggestions. Giles: As a matter of fact, you are. Cut to an exterior sh*t of Lowell House. Cut to the inside. The g*ng walks through the door. Willow: Nervous? Xander: No way. I'm full of that good old kamikaze spirit. Giles: Xander, just because this is never gonna work, there's no need to be negative. Willow: The adjoining spell, is it powerful enough to defeat Adam? Giles: It's very powerful. It's also extrodinarily dangerous. Buffy: Game faces, guys. We're going in. She kicks in the window. Dissolve to another area of the Initiative. Fade in to Buffy and Willow climbing. Buffy: How you doing? Willow: Super. What was I thinkin', using stairs all this time? Buffy: Okay. Will-- Willow: No, really, Buffy. It's not as scary as I thought. Buffy: No. It's not what I was gonna say. I just...I'm sorry. I hate that things have been so strained between all of us. Willow: It's not your fault. Spike stirred up trouble. Buffy: Yeah, but I think trouble was stir-uppable. I think we've all sort of drifted apart this year, don't you? Willow: Maybe a little. But, you know, first year of college, it's hard to keep the old high school g*ng together. Buffy: But I want it together. Will, I miss you. And Giles, and Xander. And it is my fault. I've been wrapped up in my own stuff, I've been a bad friend. Willow: You're the Slayer, Buffy. Your stuff is pretty crucial. Buffy: I mean Riley. And...Riley, mostly. Willow: Well, I haven't been Miss Available either. I--I kept secrets. I hid things from everyone. Buffy: That's not your fault. Will, you were going through something huge. Willow: I wanted to tell you, but I was so scared. Buffy: You can tell me anything. I love you. You're my best friend. They hug. Willow: Me, too. I love you too. They begin falling due to the weight. Willow: (o.s.) Oh, falling now! They land on the ground, but continue to hug. Buffy: Let's promise to never not talk again. Willow: I promise, I promise. Xander slides down. Buffy and Willow hug him. Buffy: Xander. Willow: Oh, wonderful Xander! Buffy: You know we love you, right? Willow: We totally do. Xander: Oh God, we're gonna die, aren't we? Willow: No, we just missed you. Xander looks up. Xander: Giles, hurry up! Giles looks down. Xander: You definitely wanna get down here for this! Cut to Buffy and the g*ng. Giles is inching the door with a crowbar. Buffy: Okay, we stick together, then everything should be fine. Everybody ready? Giles gets the door open. Buffy: Let's... They open the door to reveal 5 Commando guys with laser blasters. Buffy: ...do this. Cut to black. {Commercial Break} Fade into an area in the Initiative. Adam and Spike are watching the cameras. Spike: Must-See-TV. Bait's been taken. Trap's all set. The Slayer has landed. So... He turns and looks at Adam. Spike: Hello? Paging Dr. Owe Me One. Adam: She's not alone. Spike looks closer at the TV. Adam: (o.s.) You've failed me again. Spike: Well, that's one way of looking at it. Adam: What's the other way. He bolts for the door, but Forrest grabs his neck. Spike: Oh, come on! It's not like I wasn't trying! That's worth something, isn't it? Adam: I suppose. Yes. I will honor our agreement to remove your chip. Cut to Forrest and Spike. Cut to Adam. Adam: Take his head off. Forrest grabs Spike and pins him down in a chair. Spike struggles, but he takes out a cigarette and puts it out on Forrest's eye. Forrest: (screams) Spike breaks loose and runs out. Adam: Let him go. Cut to the video screen. Cut to Adam. Adam: There's nowhere left to run. Cut to Forrest, breathing hard. Cut to Colonel McNamara's office. Buffy: Colonel-- Colonel: Shut up. You've got some nerve, lady. (unzips the bag) You think you and your friends can just keep waltzing into a government installation brandishing w*apon like-- He holds up the device. Colonel: Like-- Willow: It's a gourd. Giles: Magic gourd. Colonel: What kind of freaks are you people? (puts the gourd down) Buffy: Adam is here, Colonel. In the Initiative. Colonel: Nice try. Buffy: Those overcrowded containment cells of yours: courtesy of Adam. He's pulling a Trojan Horse on you, he's just waiting-- Colonel: Everything in this installation is under 24-hour surveillance. Willow: Including the secret lab? Colonel: Including everything! (a b*at) What secret lab? Buffy: The one Adam's been using. The one built for the final stage of the 314 project. The colonel has a blank look on his face. Buffy: And you have no idea what I'm talking about. Colonel: I know everything that goes on around here. A tick on a mouse couldn't get in without my knowing it. And if Adam wants to try we're ready for him. Giles: Jolly good. How--How exactly do you plan to get close enough to Adam to remove his power source? Colonel: h*t him simultaneously with multiple taser blasters. Incapacitate him with as much voltage as we can muster. Xander: Great plan. That's right up there with "duck and cover". Buffy: I've seen Adam h*t with taser blasts. He feeds on it. And now you're gonna provide him with an all-you-can-eat buffet? Colonel: You telling me my business? Buffy: This...is not your business. It's mine. You, the Initiative, the boys at the Pentagon--you're all in way over your heads. Messing with primeval forces you have absolutely no comprehension of. Colonel: And you do? Buffy: I'm the Slayer. You're playing on my turf. Colonel: Up there, maybe. But down here, I'm the one who's in control. The lights go out. Soldier: Sir, the power grid's down. Backup's not responding. Cut to the screen. Cut back to the soldier. Soldier: We're locked in. Cut to Willow. Cut to Buffy. Cut to Adam's area in the Initiative. He flips a switch labeled "Main Power Grid". The lights go out. He flips a switch labeled "Containment Area". Cut to a screen. A scientist and a soldier are walking. Adam: This will be interesting. Cut to the lower level of the Initiative. The cages all open. Scientist: (scared) What's going on? Soldier #2: I don't know! A cage opens. Scientist: Go! A demon runs out and starts clawing at the scientist. Scientist: (screaming) Another demon starts clawing at the soldier. Soldier #2: (screaming) Cut back to the Colonel and the g*ng. Soldier: Containment area's been breached. Hostiles are loose. Colonel: How many? Soldier: All of 'em, Sir. Buffy: (o.s.) It's Adam. The Colonel looks at Buffy. Buffy: Look, I'm the only one who can stop him now. Just let me handle this. Get your people out of here. Colonel: All right, you men follow me. We gotta take the Armory now. Soldier #3: Sir. Buffy: Colonel. Colonel: These people are under arrest, do you understand? Soldier #4: Yes, sir. The soldiers and the Colonel all leave. A soldier stands up. Buffy gives him a kick to the chest. Another soldier tries to att*ck her, and she bangs his head into the desk, then hits him in the face, knocking him out cold. Buffy: We've gotta find Adam. Willow: On it. She goes over to the computer, and sits down. Giles: The enjoining spell (cut to Buffy) is extremely touchy. It's, uh, (cut to Willow) volatile. We--We can't risk it (cut to Buffy) being interrupted. We need a place that's (cut to Giles and Xander) close to you and quiet. Cut to the screen. Xander: (o.s.) Uh...quiet? Cut down below. A soldier flies through the air. Another soldier flies through the air. Cut to the stairwell. A demon flips another soldier over, and punches one in the face. A demon throws a solider over the railing. Cut to another part of the Initiative. There is f*re coming out from almost every area. Cut to yet another part of the Initiative. A soldier comes up, f*ring a machine g*n. He hits a demon in the chest, and he falls to the ground. Cut to the solider. He is still f*ring the machine g*n, but a vampire has jumped on him. The soldier fires the g*n, and tries to shake him off at the same time. Cut to the stairwell. A woman has just died from a vampire bite. Cut to another area. Spike is attacking demons. He gives a back kick to one of them. He punches another in the stomach, and then hits him in the head. Cut to the railing. We see a man's hand slowly working its way up. He nearly gets up but is pulled down again by a demon. Cut back to the g*ng. Buffy: How we doing, Will? Willow: Done. Hold on. According to this, there's air ducts and electrical conduits (cut to the screen) all running into there. Buffy: So? Willow: So, there's no there there. Look. Cut to the screen. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: It's Adam. Giles: You sure? Buffy: Right behind 314. Buffy: Can you unlock it? Willow: I don't have to. All--All the locks in the Initiative have been disengaged...except for the exits. Xander: Demon open house. Buffy: Great. So we know we're going to 314. Now all we have to do is get there. Cut to the "demon open house" (the fight below). Graham runs up and begins sh**ting a g*n at a demon. He kills him, and he does the same to two other demons. Cut to the door. The g*ng runs out. Buffy punches a demon in the face. Buffy kicks a demon in the leg. She gives a sidekick to another demon. Xander hits one demon with a laser blast. They all run past. A scientist's arm is on f*re. A man flies over the railing. Another demon tries to h*t Buffy, but she hits him first. She sees a soldier with a g*n. As Buffy pushes Willow: Buffy: Willow, down! Buffy: Come on! Willow: Go! They all run past. We see another expl*si*n. Cut to the inside of 314. Buffy: Okay, it should be over here. They move a cart in front of the door. She opens up two doors. Buffy: Once I'm in, barricade the door behind me. Is this place okay to be Magic Central? Giles: It, uh, should do. Willow: As long as we don't get blowed up or nothin'. Xander: What're the odds of that? Buffy: How long before the ritual kicks in? Giles: Five minutes, give or take. Xander: Buffy, I still don't like you going in alone. Buffy: I won't be. Willow closes the doors and moves a cart against the doors. Giles and Xander move a gurney against the other door. Cut to the lower level of the Initiative. Buffy sees Riley. Buffy: Riley. She climbs down the ladder. Buffy: Are you hurt? (no answer) Say something! Riley says nothing. Professor Walsh and Dr. Engleman appear. Buffy: What is this? She looks at Riley. Buffy: Why won't you talk to me? Adam: (o.s.) He can't. Pan over to Adam. Adam: He hasn't been programmed to. He's part of the final phase now...as you were supposed to be. Buffy: Sorry. I don't jump through hoops on command. I've never really been one to tow the line. Adam: Oh. (b*at) k*ll her. Forrest grabs her. Forrest: I thought you'd never ask. Cut to Walsh and Engleman. We hear Buffy struggling. Professor Walsh takes a device and slowly walks toward Buffy. Cut to black. {Commercial Break} Fade into the lower level of The Initiative. Buffy is still struggling. She kicks Professor Walsh in the face, and she goes flying. We hear glass breaking. Buffy throws Forrest into the wall, breaking glass. Riley looks at the broken glass. Cut to the inside of 314. Giles lights a candle. Willow: (chanting) "The power of the Slayer and all who yield it. Last to ancient first, we invoke thee. Grant us thy domain and primal strength. Accept us in the power we possess. Make us mind and heart and spirit joy. Let the hand encompass us. Do thy will." Cut back to the lower level of The Initiative. Forrest punches Buffy in the face, and sends her flying to the floor. Buffy springs up, and kicks him in the face. She punches him in the face two more times, a left and a right hook. He punches her in the stomach twice. He tries to punch her, but he grabs her hand, twists it around, and leads her head to a metal table, knocking her out. She slowly gets up. Riley: Buffy. Forrest punches her in the face. He turns to Riley. Forrest: Shut up, and watch me k*ll your girlfriend, Finn. That's an order. He growls and turns around to face Buffy. Cut to Riley. We hear fighting noises coming from Forrest and Buffy. His hand begins moving to the glass. He picks up a piece of it. Buffy tries to side sweep him, but it doesn't work. She punches him in the face. Riley begins ripping at his skin with the glass. Cut to the inside of 314. Willow: Spiritus...Spirit. She hands a card to Xander. Xander: Animus...Heart. She hands a card to Giles. Giles: Sophus...Mind. Willow: And Manus... Cut to Buffy punching Forrest. Willow: (o.s.) The hand. Riley reaches into his chest and begins pulling. Forrest punches Buffy twice, knocking her down. He flips her over, grabs her, and pulls her down. Cut to Riley. Riley: (groans) Forrest picks her up and growls. Buffy takes her hands in a power cord and snaps it. Cut to the inside of 314. The camera view is fading. Willow: We enjoin that we may inhabit the vessel--the hand...daughter of Sineya...first of the ones... Cut to the lower level of The Initiative. Riley is still trying to get the chip out. Forrest grabs Buffy and throws her down on a table. Buffy is struggling. Professor Walsh and Doctor Engleman hold her down, trying to put her into restraints. Riley struggles with the chip, and finally pulls it out. Cut to Forrest holding Buffy. Forrest: Is that it? Is that all you got? Riley: No. Walsh, Engleman, and Forrest all look over. Riley: She's got me. He knocks out Professor Walsh and Dr. Engleman. Forrest: Look who's come off the bench. He starts to walk toward Riley, but Buffy kicks him in the face. Buffy gets up. Buffy: I need to get to Adam. Like, now. Are you able? Riley: Go. She leaves. Riley runs toward Forrest but he gets flipped over by him. Riley grabs his stomach but Forrest backhand elbows him to the face. Forrest flips him on the ground. As Riley gets up, Forrest kicks him in the stomach. Cut to the Initiative. Many men are running with g*n, sh**ting at HST's. Colonel: Fall back! Fall back! Protect the flank! Walk down that pit! Cut to Adam's area in the Initiative. Buffy: Fun, isn't it? Adam: I do appreciate v*olence. Buffy: Good. Buffy tries to run toward him, but he punches her, sending her backwards. She rolls, gets up, and kicks him. She begins punching him in the face. Adam grabs her hand, and throws her into the wall. His skewer comes out. He tries to s*ab Buffy, but she snaps it with her knee and punches him in the face. Buffy: Broke your arm. Adam: Got another. His hand sprouts into a mini-g*n. Adam: I've been upgrading. He begins f*ring at her. She dives over the computer console. He stops. Cut to the inside of 314. Willow: We implore thee, admit us, bring us to the vessel, take us now. Cut to Adam's room at the Initiative. Buffy gets out from her hiding place and sees Adam. He blows up the console. Adam looks for Buffy. She stands up, eyes glowing orange. Adam: You can't last much longer. Buffy: (speaking simultaneous) We can. We are forever. Cut to Adam. Cut to Buffy. Buffy: (Speaking Sumerian) Adam: Interesting. Adam fires at Buffy, but it generates some sort of force field. Buffy: (Continues speaking Sumerian) Adam: Very interesting. Cut to the inside of 314. The HST's begin breaking down the door. Cut to the lower level of the Initiative. Riley jumps on Forrest, and grabs him. Riley kicks Forrest in the stomach with his knee. Forrest grabs Riley's head, attempting to put him in a headlock. Forrest throws Riley across the room. Forrest: What're you makin' me do this for? He begins to walk over to Riley. Forrest: Not that I'm not enjoyin' myself. He kicks him in the face, sending him backwards. Forrest: But Adam's not gonna like it if I-- Riley hits Forrest in the face with a t*nk of oxygen. He hits him in the face with it again. And again. He hits him in the stomach with it, forcing him back. Riley hits the t*nk in Forrest's face. He tries to h*t him with his elbow, but Forrest grabs the t*nk, causing Riley to fall on the ground. Forrest holds up the t*nk. Riley scrambles to his feet and runs. Forrest: (growls) He jumps over a gurney. Cut to a close up of the t*nk. "FLAMMABLE" There is a huge expl*si*n. Cut to Adam's room at the Initiative. He is still f*ring his mini-g*n at Buffy. He fires a rocket at her, but she holds her hand up. Buffy: (Sumerian) Kur. The rocket then bursts into 3 birds. She holds her hand up again, and Adam's rocket goes back inside him. Adam tries to att*ck her, but she blocks every punch. She kicks him in the stomach, and he falls. She grabs his head. Adam: How...can you-- Dissolve to the inside of 314. Xander: You could never hope to grasp the source Superimpose Adam's room at the Initiative. Buffy: of our power. She uppercuts him, sending him flying to the ground. She picks him up and kicks him against the wall. She reaches into him and pulls out the uranium. Buffy: But yours is right here. Adam: (groans) He falls to the ground. Riley walks up. Riley: Buffy. The uranium begins levitating. A woman begins speaking Sumarian, and the uranium disappears. Buffy's eyes go normal and she faints, but Riley catches her. Cut to the inside of 314. Everyone else drops. Willow: Wow. That was-- The door breaks down and a demon comes inside. Spike comes in and breaks the demon's neck. The demon falls to the floor. Spike: Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was here, eh? Giles: Yes, thank you. Cut to Spike. Giles: Although your heroism has been slightly muted by the fact that you were helping Adam to start a w*r that would k*ll us all. Xander: You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right here. Spike: Did it work? They all get up. Spike: Well, then everything's all right. And we all get to be not staked through the heart. Good work, team. Buffy and Riley open the door. Giles: Buffy. Willow comes over and hugs her. Willow: Wasn't it amazing? Xander: You were great. Buffy: We were great. Riley: We still got men out there. Spike: Well, let's go save 'em, by gum. Buffy: You guys get to the exits, get 'em open. She looks at Riley. Buffy: You, organize the soldiers, pull 'em back. I'll take point. She starts walking out. Willow: Are you up to this? Buffy: I am. She knocks out a demon. Cut to an office. Man: It was an experiment. The Initiative represented the Government's interests in not only controlling the otherworldly menace, but harnessing its power for our own military purposes. The considered opinion of this counsel is that this experiment has failed. Fades between different battle scenes: Buffy attacking many demons. Man (v.o): Once the prototype took control of the complex, our soldiers suffered a 40 percent casualty rate. Graham sh**ting demons Man (v.o): Only through the actions of the deserter and a group of civilian insurrectionists that Xander helping Willow down onto the ground. Man (v.o): Our losses were not total. I trust the irony of that is not lost on any of us. Maggie Walsh's vision A soldier with a g*n. Man (v.o): Was brilliant, but ultimately unsupportable. Colonel McNamara getting att*cked by a demon. Man (v.o): The demons cannot be harnessed. The end result. Man (v.o): Cannot be controlled. Fade into an office. Man: It is therefore our recommendation that this project be terminated and all records concerning it expunged. Our soldiers'll be debriefed. Standard confidentiality clause. We will monitor the civillians and usual measures prepared should they try to go public. I don't think they will. Cut to the screen. Man: (o.s.) The Initiative itself will be filled in with concrete. Burn it down, gentlemen. Burn it down, and salt the Earth. The TV screen goes to static. Cut to black.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x21 - Primeval"}

foreverdreaming

Note: This episode was unusual in that they showed "Previously on Buffy..." and then went directly into the opening credits, then began the episode without a commercial break. So the "teaser" came after the opening credits instead of before. sh*t of Adam. Buffy: The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it, but we will. Giles Voiceover: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Overhead sh*t of Willow, Giles, and Xander doing the spell in "Primeval." Willow Voiceover: Power of the slayer and all who wield it, last to ancient first, we invoke thee. Giles lighting a candle. Willow: Make us mind and heart and spirit join. sh*t of Willow's hand laying down a Tarot-sized card. Willow: Spiritus, the spirit. sh*t of Xander laying down another card. Xander: Animus, heart. sh*t of Giles laying down another card. Giles: Sophus, mind. sh*t of Willow holding the last card. Buffy: And Manus, the hand. sh*t of Buffy with b*ll*ts dissolving in front of her. Buffy: You could never hope to grasp the source of our power. Buffy reaching into Adam's chest and pulling out his power supply. Adam falling over d*ad. Wolf howl. Opening credits. (No commercial) Guest starring Kristine Sutherland, Amber Benson, Mercedes McNab, David Wells, Michael Harney, George Hertzberg, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Seth Green as Oz, and Armin Shimerman as Principal Snyder. Written and directed by Joss Whedon. BUFFY: Are you sure you'll be all right? Cause I can be there in the morning. RILEY: (shakes head) It's just a debriefing. (We see they're at Joyce's house, standing by the door. Giles is in the dining room. Willow sitting on the stairs.) RILEY: They're not gonna make me disappear, and they're not pinning anything on me. I got Graham and a lot of the guys testifying I'm the reason they're alive. I might actually get out of this with an honorable discharge. GILES: (eating something) In return for your silence, no doubt. RILEY: Oh yeah. Having the inside scoop on the administration's own Bay of Mutated Pigs is definitely an advantage. WILLOW: (cheery) It's like you're blackmailing the government. (They look at her) In a ... patriotic way. (Riley smiles.) RILEY: I'll call you when it's over. (He and Buffy smooch.) XANDER: (offscreen) Dinner is served. (Xander enters with a bowl of popcorn. Joyce behind him.) XANDER: And my very own recipe. (Willow takes a handful.) WILLOW: Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says "popcorn"? XANDER: (shakes head) Actually, I pushed "defrost," but, um, Joyce was there in the clinch. RILEY: Well, you guys have fun tonight. (Extends his hand to Joyce) It was very nice meeting you. JOYCE: (shakes his hand) It was nice meeting you ... finally. RILEY: Bye. BUFFY: Bye. (Riley leaves. Buffy shuts the door behind him. We see Joyce is holding a bowl of peanuts.) JOYCE: (to Buffy) Did you notice how pointedly I said "finally"? BUFFY: (innocent face) No. (They all go into the living room.) XANDER: Let the vid-fest begin. GILES: (to Joyce) You sure you won't join us? JOYCE: No, you guys have your fun. (Buffy and Willow sit on the sofa, Xander on the floor) I'm tired. I can't believe you're not exhausted. Have you even slept since... GILES: Still feel a little bit too wired. WILLOW: Mm. Yeah, that spell, that was, that was powerful. BUFFY: Don't think I *could* sleep. (We see Buffy and Willow curling up on the sofa with blankets over them.) XANDER: Well, we got plenty of vids. And I'm putting in a preemptive bid for "Apocalypse Now," huh? (Holds up the video) WILLOW: (scowls) Did you get anything less heart-of-darkness-y? (Joyce smiles, puts down bowl) XANDER: Apocalypse Now is a gay romp! It's the feel-good movie of whatever year it was. BUFFY: (not buying it) What else? (Joyce and Giles exchange a smile and she heads for the stairs.) XANDER: Don't worry. Got plenty of chick-and-British-guy flicks too. These puppies should last us all night. (sh*t of Joyce smiling at them as she climbs the stairs.) (sh*t of a hand putting a tape in the VCR and pressing Play.) (Pan up to the TV screen. The FBI warning comes up.) (sh*t of Giles, Buffy, Willow, and Xander fast asleep in their seats.) Commercial. (The four still asleep. Giles in a chair, Buffy and Willow on the sofa, Xander on the floor. Zoom in slowly on Willow, clutching a red blanket against herself.) (Fade to Tara's face. She appears to be lying on her stomach, resting chin on crossed arms. We see a bare shoulder.) TARA: I think it's strange. I mean, I think I should worry that we haven't found her name. WILLOW: Who, Miss Kitty? (sh*t of their kitten, playing with a ball of red yarn in slow-motion.) TARA: You'd think she'd let us know her name by now. WILLOW: She will. (Looking down at Tara) She's not all grown yet. TARA: You're not worried? WILLOW: I never worry here. (Smile) I'm safe here. TARA: You don't know everything about me. WILLOW: Have you told me your real name? (Tara smiles.) TARA: Oh, you know that. (Willow smiles, reaches for something.) (sh*t of a paintbrush dipping into ink jars.) TARA: They will find out, you know. (sh*t of Willow's face.) TARA: About you. WILLOW: Don't have time to think about that. (Frown) You know I have all this homework to finish. (The camera pulls back so we can see Tara is lying face-down on her bed, naked, and Willow is painting on her back.) TARA: Are you gonna finish in time for class? WILLOW: I can be late. TARA: But you've never taken drama before. (sh*t of Willow dipping the paintbrush again, moving it across to Tara's back, which is covered with Greek symbols.) TARA: Might miss something important. (Pause) WILLOW: I don't wanna leave here. (Tara twists back to look at her.) TARA: Why not? (Willow stands up, looking down at Tara. She turns away toward a dark red curtain. Walks over to it.) WILLOW: It's so bright. (Pulls back the curtain to reveal a brightly sunlit desert. The light falls on Tara, who looks over.) WILLOW: (looking back at Tara, still holding the curtain open) And there's something out there. (sh*t of the desert, straggly plants, rocks. We briefly see something (someone?) moving, then it's gone.) (sh*t of the kitten stalking forward toward the camera, in slow-motion.) (Cut to Willow walking down the halls of Sunnydale High, looking anxious. She walks up to Xander and Oz.) XANDER: Hey. WILLOW: (casual) Hey, guys. (Keeps walking) OZ: Heard you're taking drama. (The guys walk after her) WILLOW: Uh-huh. OZ: It's a tough course. WILLOW: You took it? (Walks up to a locker, starts trying to open it) OZ: Oh, I've been here forever. XANDER: So whatcha been doin'? Doing spells? (To Oz) She does spells with Tara. OZ: Yeah, I heard about that. (Willow still trying to open the locker.) (Bell rings.) WILLOW: (anxious) I'm gonna be late. (Walks off) XANDER: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell ... and then I do a spell by myself. (Oz looks at him. Xander looks at Oz, then quickly away.) (Cut to Willow entering the backstage area. Costumes hanging on a rack. People getting into costume. Makeup table with mirrors. Sound of an orchestra tuning up. People wearing all kinds of different costumes. Willow walks around looking lost.) (Harmony runs up to her. She's dressed as a Swedish Milkmaid with two braids.) HARMONY: Isn't this exciting? Our first production! I can't wait till our scene! I love you! Oh! (Hugs Willow. Suddenly drops the fake friendly act.) Don't step on my cues. WILLOW: Production? (We see Buffy peeking out through the curtain at the audience. She runs over to Willow and Harmony. She's dressed as the lead character in "Chicago": short straight black hair, short tight black dress.) BUFFY: Ohmigod. The place is packed. Everybody's here! Your whole family's in the front row, (cheerful) and they look really angry. WILLOW: There's a production? HARMONY: (rubbing Willow's shoulders) Oh, somebody's got stage fright. WILLOW: Isn't this the first class? (Riley approaches, dressed as a cowboy.) RILEY: Well, you showed up late, or you'd have a better part. (Smiling) I'm Cowboy Guy. BUFFY: (to Willow) Your costume is perfect. (Whispers) Nobody's gonna know the truth. You know, about you. WILLOW: (bemused) Costume? BUFFY: (pouting) You're already in character! Oh, I shoulda done that! (Stomps foot, turns away) WILLOW: But how come there's - I mean, I was given to understand that a drama class would have, you know ... drama class. I mean, we haven't even rehearsed! HARMONY: (snorts) Well, maybe some people haven't. (Smiles up at Riley) RILEY: I showed up on time, so I got to be Cowboy Guy. (Harmony nods) WILLOW: (to Buffy) I just think it's really early to be putting on a play. I, I don't even know what... (Eyes widen) This isn't Madame Butterfly, is it, because I have a whole problem with opera. GILES: (offscreen) All right, everyone! (Buffy looks excited. Sound of Giles clapping hands for attention) Pay attention! (Everyone gathers around Giles) In just a few moments that curtain is going to open on our very first production. Now, everyone that Willow's ever met ... is out in that audience, including all of us. That means we have to be perfect. (sh*t of Willow looking upset) Stay in character, (Willow sees something hairy behind a prop. She stares) remember your lines, and energy energy energy, especially in the musical numbers! (sh*t of Buffy looking really excited.) WILLOW: (whispering) Did anyone see that? GILES: Acting is not about behaving, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, (We see Harmony behind him, wearing vampire face, grabbing his shoulders and trying to bite him) strip you naked, and eat you alive, so hide. (to Harmony) Stop that. (She stops) GILES: Now, costumes, sets, um, the things that you, uh, you know, uh, you, um... (sh*t from above. We see the cast gathered, Harmony still jumping up behind Giles trying to bite him) you hold them, you touch them, uh, use them, um... HARMONY: Props? GILES: No. RILEY: Props? GILES: Yes! (Points at Riley) It's all about subterfuge. (To Harmony) That's very annoying. (To everyone) Now go on out there, lie like dogs, and have a wonderful time. (sh*t of Riley looking excited) Now, if we can stay in focus, keep our heads, and if Willow can stop stepping on everyone's cues, (sh*t of Willow looking anxious) I know this'll be the best production of "Death of a Salesman" we've ever done. (To Harmony) Stop it. (Loudly) Good luck everyone! Break a leg! (Pushes through them and leaves) (Excited chatter. Willow frowns.) (Sound fades out. We still see the costumed students chattering and moving around, but it's silent. Willow walks through the crowd looking confused. To the side, in the darkness, she sees a bald man wearing glasses.) BALD MAN: (whispers) I've made a little space for the cheese slices. (He shows her a table with slices of American cheese laid neatly in a row.) (Willow frowns. Eerie music starts up. Willow walks past a curtain. She's in a narrow tunnel made of red stage curtains on either side. She walks slowly through it. Creepy music. It's dark. Then Willow walks into a beam of light, and Tara is there.) TARA: Things aren't going very well. WILLOW: (agitated) No! This drama class is just ... I think they're really not doing things in the proper way, and now I'm in a play and my whole family's out there, and ... why is there a cowboy in "Death of a Salesman" anyway? TARA: (frowns) You don't understand yet, do you? (Willow frowns, looks around.) WILLOW: (whispers) Is there something following me? (Tara nods.) TARA: Yes. WILLOW: Well, what, uh, what should I do? The, the play's gonna start soon, and I don't even know my lines. TARA: The play's already started. That's not the point. (Willow looks alarmed) (Cut to the stage. Riley on the left with hands on his belt. In the middle, Harmony wearing a yoke with buckets on either end. On the right, Buffy reclining seductively on a sofa.) RILEY: (swaggers forward, pushes up cowboy hat) Why, hello, little lady. Can I hold those milk pails for you? (Laughter from audience) HARMONY: Why thank you, but they're not very heavy. (Overacting) Why have you come to our lonely small town, which has no post office and very few exports? RILEY: I've come looking for a man. (Looks directly into camera) A *sales*man. (Cut to Willow looking anxious.) TARA: (offscreen) Everyone's starting to wonder about you. The real you. If they find out, they'll punish you, I ... I can't help you with that. WILLOW: Well, what should I ... what's after me? Is it something I-I was supposed to do? W-was I supposed to- TARA: Shh. (Looking around) (Willow looks around. Hears a buzzing noise.) WILLOW: (whispers) What was that? (Tara looks worried.) (Cut to stage. Riley in the foreground facing the audience. Buffy in the middle ground facing Riley. Harmony in the background, sitting on the sofa, crying.) BUFFY: (with contempt) But what else could I expect from a bunch of low-rent, no-account hoodlums like you? Hoodlums, yes, I mean you and your friends, your whole sex, throw 'em in the sea for all I care, throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles, men with your groping and spitting all groin no brain three billion of you passing around the same worn-out urge. Men! With your ... sales! (She says all this in one breath without pause or inflection. Harmony sobs throughout and Riley stands expressionless.) (Cut to Willow looking over her shoulder. She turns back and Tara is gone.) WILLOW: (looking scared, whispers) Tara? Tara, okay, this really isn't fu- (A stake or dagger slashes through the curtain right by her face. She gasps, turns away. A hand covered in rags reaches out of the other curtain, tries to grab her. She's knocked to the floor. She screams and covers her head with her hands. Another hand reaches for her.) BUFFY: Will! (Buffy leaning through the curtains to grab her.) WILLOW: Buffy! Oh god. BUFFY: Come on. (Helps her up and through the curtain. They're in a Sunnydale High classroom.) BUFFY: Stay low. (They crouch down and creep between the desks) What did it look like? WILLOW: I don't know. I-I don't know what's after me. BUFFY: Well, you must have *done* something. (Frowning in disapproval) WILLOW: No. I never do anything. I'm very seldom naughty. I, I just came to class, and, and the play was starting. BUFFY: (straightens up) Play is long over. (Stares at Willow) Why are you still in costume? WILLOW: Okay, still having to explain wherein this is just my outfit. (Gesturing to her clothes) BUFFY: Willow, everybody already knows. Take it off. WILLOW: No. No. (Looks around nervously) I need it. (Buffy rolls her eyes.) BUFFY: Oh, for god's sake, just take it off. (Spins Willow around and rips her clothes off.) BUFFY: That's better. It's much more realistic. (Suddenly all the desks have students in them. Buffy turns and goes to take her seat.) HARMONY: See? Isn't everybody very clear on this now? (We see Anya sitting next to Harmony, giggling. The whole class is giggling.) (sh*t of Willow in her nerdy schoolgirl outfit and long straight hair from BTVS first season. Holding some paper.) ANYA: My god, it's like a tragedy. (sh*t of Buffy looking at Willow.) OZ: (to Tara) I tried to warn you. (Gives Willow a disgusted look) ANYA: (still giggling) It's exactly like a Greek tragedy. There should only be Greeks. (Willow looks around the room nervously, looks down at her paper.) WILLOW: (licks lips) My book report. This summer I, I read "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." XANDER: (loudly, to ceiling) Oh, who cares? (Willow looks hurt. Sound of giggling. sh*t of Oz nuzzling Tara's cheek while she giggles.) WILLOW: This book ha-has many themes... (Something bursts onscreen and knocks Willow down. She screams.) (sh*t of Buffy putting her head down on her arms on the desk, looking bored. Sound of Willow screaming and the attacker growling.) WILLOW: Help! Help me! (sh*t of Xander looking bored.) (sh*t of Oz and Tara giving each other conspiratorial smiles.) WILLOW: Help me! (Growling noise continues as Willow struggles. The creature/person attacking Willow has dark skin and long matted dark hair, and is wrapped in rags. It bends as if to bite her neck. Closeup of Willow's face with the dark hair half-obscuring it. Her eyes widen. The skin on her face wrinkles and her eyes cloud.) (Cut to the real Willow on the couch, asleep, still covered with the red blanket, twitching and making noises as if choking.) Commercial. (Willow still twitching and gasping for air. Pan down to Xander who suddenly sits up.) XANDER: I'm awake. I'm good. Did I miss anything? (Looks at Willow, who's still asleep and twitching) GILES: (eating popcorn) Not very much at all really. BUFFY: (eating popcorn) Bunch of massacring. (Xander looks at TV, raises eyebrows.) (On TV, a soldier carrying a g*n walks through a forest.) TV SOLDIER: We gotta keep going, men. (Panting) We gotta take that hill. (Xander looks interested) Damn this w*r! GILES: I have to say, I really feel that "Apocalypse Now" is overrated. XANDER: No, no. (Points at screen) It gets better. TV SOLDIER: Men... XANDER: I remember that it gets better. TV SOLDIER: Oh my god. What's happened to my men? Ahhh! (Buffy looks bored.) BUFFY: Want some corn? (Holds out bowl to Xander) XANDER: (turns head) Butter flavor? BUFFY: New car smell. XANDER: Cool. (Leans across Willow to take a handful) What's her deal? (indicating Willow) BUFFY: Big faker. GILES: (still looking at TV) Oh, I'm beginning to understand this now. It's all about the journey, isn't it? (Xander rolls his eyes.) XANDER: Well, thanks for making me have to pee. (Gets up) BUFFY: You don't need any help with that, right? XANDER: (heading for stairs) Got a system. (Xander climbs the stairs. He emerges in the upper hallway. Joyce appears behind him, wearing a revealing red nightie.) JOYCE: Hey. (Xander turns.) XANDER: Hey Joyce. Mrs. Summers. (Takes a step closer) We're not making too much noise down there, are we? JOYCE: Oh, no. Anyway, they all left a while ago. XANDER: Oh, I should probably go catch up. JOYCE: (grins) I've heard that before. XANDER: I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after- JOYCE: Conquest? XANDER: (shrugs) I'm a conquistador. (Pan across Joyce's breasts.) JOYCE: (we see her face and hear her voice, but her lips aren't moving) You sure it isn't comfort? XANDER: I'm a comfortador also. JOYCE: (leans seductively against the door frame) I do know the difference. I've learned about boys. XANDER: That's cool about you. (sh*t of Joyce giving him a seductive look.) (sh*t of Xander staring at her.) JOYCE: (offscreen) It's very late. (sh*t of Joyce. Again we hear her voice although her lips don't move) JOYCE: Would you like to rest for a while? (Pan over to her bed with the covers turned down. Xander looks from it to her.) XANDER: Um, yeah. (Confidently) I'd like you. I'm just ... gonna go to the bathroom first. JOYCE: Don't get lost. (Slinks into her room.) (Xander enters the bathroom, closes the door, lifts the toilet lid, unzips his pants. Suddenly he looks over and sees a lab full of a whole bunch of Initiative people watching him: scientists in white coats in the foreground, writing on clipboards, soldiers in the background wearing fatigues. Xander raises his eyebrows, zips his pants back up.) XANDER: Okay, I'm gonna find another bathroom. (Opens the door and leaves, still watching them over his shoulder. Crosses the hall and goes through the opposite door. Now he's in his basement, dark. The door at the top of the stairs is closed, doorknob rattling ominously.) XANDER: (loudly) I didn't *order* any vampires. (Knob rattles louder and louder. Then we hear pounding on the door.) XANDER: (nervous) That's not the way out. (Backing away) (Cut to a playground, daylight. Giles and Spike are swinging on swings, both dressed in Giles-type tweeds. Buffy playing in the sandbox.) (Xander walks up.) XANDER: Hey, there you are. BUFFY: (putting sand in pail with plastic shovel) Are you sure it's us you were looking for? (Giles smiles at her.) SPIKE: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff. GILES: Spike's like a son to me. (They both smile and continue swinging) XANDER: That's good. I was into that for a while, but... (nods toward the street) I got other stuff goin' on. (Long sh*t of the ice-cream truck surrounded by kids.) (Closer sh*t of Xander in the truck, wearing his striped shirt and hat, serving ice cream to kids.) XANDER: (in playground) You gotta have something. (Looks at Buffy) Gotta be with movin' forward. BUFFY: (like a proud little kid) Like a shark. XANDER: Like a shark with feet and ... much less fins. SPIKE: (like a proud little kid) And on land! GILES: Very good! (They keep swinging.) XANDER: Buffy, are you sure you wanna play there? (Buffy gives him a pouty look like a little kid told not to do something.) XANDER: It's a pretty big sandbox. BUFFY: I'm okay. (Suddenly we see her against the backdrop of the desert from Willow's dream. Rocks, sand, scraggly trees) It's not coming for me yet. XANDER: I just mean ... you can't protect yourself from ... some stuff. (Buffy looks directly at him. The playground backdrop is back.) BUFFY: I'm way ahead of you, big brother. XANDER: Brother? (Buffy looks at him expressionless. Soft music: a woman vocalizing without words.) (Spike and Giles swinging higher and higher.) GILES: Go on, put your back into it! A Watcher scoffs at gravity. (They continue swinging. Woman continues humming.) (sh*t of Buffy still expressionless.) (sh*t of Xander squinting at her.) (sh*t of the other Xander in the truck, watching them.) (sh*t of the four of them from the truck-Xander's perspective.) (Truck-Xander pulls back from the window, goes to the wheel, although the truck is already in motion: tree-lined streets going by. Anya is sitting in the passenger seat doing something with her hands.) (Xander sits in the driver's seat. Anya looks at him.) ANYA: Do you know where you're going? (Xander looks at her, surprised.) ANYA: I've been thinking about getting back into vengeance. (We see her playing with a lollipop in its wrapper.) (Xander takes his striped hat off, puts it on the dashboard.) XANDER: Is that right? ANYA: Well, you know how I miss it. I'm so at loose ends since I quit. I think this is going to be a very big year for vengeance. XANDER: But ... isn't vengeance kind of ... vengeful? ANYA: (petulant) You don't want me to have a hobby. XANDER: Not a vengeance hobby, no! It's dangerous. People can't do anything they want. Society has rules, and borders, and an end zone. It doesn't matter if- (He hears giggling, turns.) (We see Willow and Tara in the back of the truck, snuggling and nuzzling. Both wearing exaggerated eye makeup.) XANDER: Do you mind? I'm talking to my demon. (sh*t of Willow in a very short black bustier, Tara in a short black skirt and very revealing white blouse. Tara has one leg bent and Willow's hand is on her thigh. Both have heavy black eye makeup and thick red lipstick.) WILLOW: Sorry. (Xander stares at them. Both girls smile seductively at him. We hear Tara's voice although her lips don't move.) TARA: We just think you're really interesting. XANDER: Oh, I-I'm going places. WILLOW: I'm way ahead of you. (Caressing Tara's leg.) (Closeup of Willow and Tara grinning at each other, nuzzling. Willow whispers in Tara's ear. They both giggle.) (Pan down to Willow's hand stroking Tara's thigh.) XANDER: (riveted) Is that right? (They look at him.) WILLOW: Watch this. (Willow puts her hand on Tara's waist. Tara puts her hand on Willow's shoulder. They lean toward each other.) (sh*t of Xander's wide-eyed face. We hear kissing noises and soft moans. Extended sh*t of Xander staring.) TARA: Do you wanna come in the back with us? (Xander stares open-mouthed.) ANYA: Oh, go on. (Xander stares at her. Sexy music starts.) XANDER: I don't have to. ANYA: I'll be fine. I think I've figured out how to steer by gesturing emphatically. (Xander looks at the road, looks at Anya, looks back. Gets up.) (sh*t of Anya gesturing emphatically at the road.) (Xander walks past the ice-cream-selling window in the side of the truck. Outside, we see more tree-lined streets rushing by. The girls are gone.) (Xander walks to the back of the truck, climbs up onto a loft-like thing, past a big pile of newspapers and other random debris. He shoves a cooler out of the way, falls down onto the floor in his basement. Looks around, exasperated.) XANDER: Girls? (The upstairs doorknob begins rattling again. Xander walks forward nervously. Suddenly there's pounding on the door too. He looks up, scared.) XANDER: (yells) I know what's up there! (Pounding continues. He backs away, turns, sees the bald man holding up a plate of cheese slices.) BALD MAN: These ... will not protect you. (More pounding, growling. Xander goes past the bald man and out the back door.) (Xander is in the Sunnydale High hallways, but the colors are all weird. Everything's purple and green. Weird noises like microphone feedback. Xander pushes his way past students talking in the halls. Looking over his shoulder, he can maybe see something through the other students' legs, chasing him.) XANDER: Giles. (Giles is leaning against a wall, dressed casually, holding an apple.) GILES: Xander, what are you doing here? XANDER: What's after me? GILES: It's because of what we did, I know that. (Takes a bite of the apple) XANDER: (shakes his head in confusion) What we did? GILES: Hm. Now, the others have gone on ahead. (Points down the hall.) Now, listen very carefully. Your life may depend on what I'm about to tell you. You need- (Giles' voice changes to a man speaking French. Sounds like the voice on a tape in a beginning language class. Giles continues talking and gesturing, but what we hear is the French.) GILES: (French) XANDER: What? Go where? I don't understand. GILES: (?) Ce n'est pas le temps pour des jeux. [This is not the time for games.] (Anya approaches.) ANYA: Xander. (Fake French woman's voice) Il faut que tu viens avec nous maintenant. On t'attends. [You have to come with us now. They're waiting for you.] GILES: C'est que j'ai vous dire. [That's what I said.] XANDER: Honey, I don't... I can't hear you. (Anya takes his hand.) ANYA: C'est pas importante. Je t'escorte. [It's not important. I'll take you.] GILES: Allons-y la. [Let's go.] (Giles also takes Xander's hand, trying to pull him down the hall. A random guy goes by on a skateboard, pushes Xander down the hall) XANDER: W-wait! Where we going? Where? (Looks over his shoulder as they pull/push him down the hall. Struggles.) Hey! (People in the crowd pick him up. In the crowd we can still see Giles with the apple in his mouth.) Let go! Hey! (The final "Hey" echoes.) (Fade to Xander in green army fatigues, hands cuffed behind his back, moving through a forest. Asian-type music. Another guy in fatigues, holding a g*n, is guarding him. An image of Xander's face is overlaid over the left half of the screen.) (Fade to a dark room lit with red lights. Soldiers bring Xander in and he kneels. There's a cot at the right with a person on it.) MALE VOICE: Where are you from, Harris? XANDER: Well, the basement, mostly. MALE VOICE: Were you born there? (Camera moving toward the person on the cot.) (sh*t of Xander looking toward the cot, a soldier guarding him in the background. Xander nods.) XANDER: Possibly. VOICE: I walked by your guidance counselor's office one time. (The person sits up partway and we see it's Principal Snyder, with a towel around his neck.) SNYDER: A bunch of you were sitting there ... waiting to be shepherded. (Xander looks confused, alarmed.) SNYDER: I remember it smelled like d*ad flowers. Like decay. Then it h*t me. The hope of our nation's future is a bunch of mulch. XANDER: You know, I never got the chance to tell you how glad I was you were eaten by a snake. (Suddenly gets an "I shouldn't have said that" look on his face) (Snyder sits up slowly. His face is all sweaty.) SNYDER: Where are you heading? XANDER: (shrugs uncertainly) Well, I'm supposed to meet Tara and Willow. (sh*t of hands lifting a wooden bowl.) XANDER: And possibly Buffy's mom. (Snyder's hands lifting water from the bowl and pouring it over his bald head.) SNYDER: Your time is running out. XANDER: No, I'm just trying to get away. There's ... something I can't fight. SNYDER: Are you a soldier? XANDER: (shakes head) I'm a comfortador. (Snyder leans forward so his face is illuminated.) SNYDER: (contemptuous) You're neither. You're a whipping boy. Raised by mongrels and set on a sacrificial stone. XANDER: (nods) I'm getting a cramp. (He stands, looks around. He's somewhere else. Around a corner we see the same dark-haired person/creature that previously att*cked Willow. It's crawling or crouching behind a trellis. It growls. Xander backs away. We see he's in the courtyard outside Giles' apartment. He runs to Giles' door, opens it, enters.) XANDER: Giles, it's here! GILES: It's more serious than we thought. (We see Giles and Buffy and Anya looking at Willow, who's in a chair still gasping and choking. They all ignore Xander. We hear what sounds like helicopter noises.) XANDER: Giles! BUFFY: I can fight anything. Right? ANYA: Maybe we should slap her. (Xander runs past them, down the hall that should lead to Giles' kitchen, but instead he comes out in Buffy's dorm. Students walking around, chattering. Harsh, jangly rock music with the helicopter noise as the percussion. Xander goes through the hallways and into Buffy and Willow's room.) XANDER: Buffy? (Hears growling behind him. He yanks open the closet door and goes in. Fights his way past the clothes and is in a dark room, horizontal-striped light like it's coming through Venetian blinds. He runs through dark brick-lined hall, comes out in his basement again. Stops, looks around. The music slowly fades out. There's still pounding on the upstairs door and the knob rattling. He goes toward it, up a couple of stairs, shaking his head.) XANDER: (whispers) That's not the way out. (The door bursts open. Xander looks down at himself, then back up the stairs.) VOICE: What the hell is wrong with you? (Xander looks chastised.) (We see a man silhouetted in the doorway above. It's Xander's dad.) DAD: You won't come upstairs? What are you ... ashamed of us? Your mother's crying her guts out! XANDER: You don't understand. DAD: No. You don't understand. (Starts down the stairs, stomping angrily) The line ends here with us, and you're not gonna change that. (Xander looking down, unable to look at his dad.) DAD: You haven't got the heart. (Suddenly Dad shoves his hand into Xander's chest. Xander looks down. The hand is covered with rags. He looks up, scared. We get a brief glimpse of a pair of feral eyes surrounded by dark stringy hair. Grey skin. The person growls.) (The hand pulls Xander's heart out of his chest.) (Cut to the real Xander writhing and gasping in his sleep on the floor. Pan across to Giles sleeping in the chair. Zoom in on Giles' face.) Commercial. (A pocket watch on a chain, swinging back and forth in front of a chest wearing Giles' tweedy conservative clothes.) GILES VOICEOVER: You have to stop thinking. (Fade to Buffy's face, looking pleased. The reflection of the watch moves across her face.) GILES VOICEOVER: Let it wash over you. BUFFY: Don't you think it's a little old-fashioned? GILES: This is the way women and men have behaved since the beginning... (We see Giles' apartment, with no furniture except one chair, which Buffy is sitting on. Giles stands in front of her with the pocket watch.) GILES: ...before time. Now look into the light. (sh*t of the watch swinging.) (sh*t of Buffy's face. Suddenly she bursts out laughing.) (Cut to a park at night. A hedge cut into the shape of an elephant, covered with Christmas-lights. People walking around. We hear a circus huckster calling out.) (Buffy wearing overalls and pigtails, pulling Giles by the hand.) BUFFY: Come on! Come on! (We see Olivia walking beside Giles, pushing a baby carriage. But there's no baby in it.) BUFFY: We're gonna miss all the good stuff. OLIVIA: Does she always want to train this badly? GILES: Well, it appears she's never heard the fable about patience. (Buffy pulls them through crowds of people. Carnival booths, colorful lights. OLIVIA: Which one is that? GILES: The, the one about the fox, and the, uh, less patient fox. BUFFY: (stops in front of a game booth) Here, I want to, I want to! (Jumping up and down) GILES: Yes, go ahead. BUFFY: (turns to the booth. There's a big coffin with a fake-looking vampire standing behind it.) VAMP: (bouncing) I am a vampire! (Buffy throws a yellow ball at it, misses by a mile.) GILES: (exasperated) Buffy, you have a sacred birthright to protect mankind. (Buffy turns to look at him, pouting) Don't stick out your elbow. (Olivia sighs) (Buffy looks chastised. She picks up another ball.) VAMP: (bouncing) I am a vampire! (Buffy throws, hits it right in the chest. It falls backward.) VAMP: Ahh, you staked me! (Buffy spins around, grinning with delight. Giles looks unimpressed.) GILES: I haven't got any treats. OLIVIA: For god's sake, Rupert, go easy on the girl. (Smiling) (Buffy turns to get some cotton candy) GILES: (to Olivia) This is my business. Blood of the lamb and all that. (Looks at Buffy) Oh, now you're gonna get that all over your face. (Buffy turns. Her face is covered in mud. The color changes as if a negative were inverted.) (The color goes back to normal. Giles frowns in confusion. His face goes blurry.) GILES: I know you. (echoing) SPIKE: (offscreen) Hey! (Giles turns, sees Spike standing near the entrance to his crypt.) SPIKE: Come on! (Gesturing) You're gonna miss everything! (Turns and goes into the crypt.) Cut to Giles entering the crypt. Crying noises. Candles are lit all around.) GILES: Don't push me around. You know I have a great deal to do. (We see Olivia sitting on a coffin next to the baby carriage, which is lying on its side. She's crying.) (Black & white sh*t of a bunch of people with cameras, and Spike looking past them at Giles.) SPIKE: I've hired myself out as an attraction. (Strikes a thr*at pose. The people ooh and ahh, camera flashes going off.) (Color sh*t: Giles staring at Spike, Olivia still crying in the background.) GILES: Sideshow freak? (B&W sh*t: Spike flips up the collar of his coat.) SPIKE: Well, at least it's showbiz. (Poses again. More oohs and camera flashes from the crowd.) (Color: Giles moves forward, looks in confusion at Olivia, back in Spike's direction.) GILES: (very confused) What am I supposed to do with all of this? SPIKE: (offscreen) You gotta make up your mind, Rupes. (B&W sh*t of Spike.) SPIKE: What are you wasting your time for? (Pose, flashbulbs) (Color: Giles turning to look at Spike again.) (B&W sh*t of Spike.) SPIKE: Haven't you figured it all out yet, with your enormous squishy frontal lobes? (Another pose, more oohs, flashbulbs) (Color: Giles walking across the crypt.) GILES: I still think Buffy should have k*lled you. (B&W: Spike looks annoyed. He strikes a Jesus-on-the-cross pose. Very loud oohs, cameras flashing.) (Color: Giles walking through crypt. The bald man stops him.) BALD MAN: I wear the cheese. It does not wear me. (He has cheese slices on his head and shoulders. He slides past Giles.) GILES: Honestly, you meet the most appalling sorts of people. (He walks on. In the background we see Spike still in Jesus pose, more flashbulbs going off.) (Giles goes through a door and is in the Bronze. Young people talking, laughing, drinking. The stage is lit, but there's no band, and we hear no music. Giles walks over to a couch where Willow and Xander are sitting looking at old magic books. Giles is suddenly holding a book.) GILES: I'm so sorry I'm late. There's a great deal going on. And all at once! (Goes to sit on a chair opposite them.) (Willow nods.) WILLOW: Don't we know it. Only at death's door over here, look at Xander! (She pulls back Xander's jacket to show his ripped T-shirt and the bloody stain on his chest from having his heart pulled out.) XANDER: Got the sucking chest wound swingin'. (Points at it, then at the stage) I promised Anya I'd be there for her big night. (Giles looks at the stage) Now I'll probably be pushing up daisies, in the sense of being in the ground underneath them and fertilizing the soil with decomposition. (sh*t of Giles' face in the foreground. In the background, we see Anya standing on stage in front of the mike, holding some papers.) ANYA: Okay. A man ... walks into the office of a doctor. (Willow and Xander go back to their books) He's wearing on his head, um... (Cut to Anya looking at her papers) ANYA: Wait, there's, there's a, there's a duck. Is that right? MAN IN CROWD: You suck! ANYA: Quiet! You'll miss the humorous conclusion. GILES: She's doing quite well. WILLOW: Do you know this is your fault? (While Giles talks, we still see Anya in the background telling her joke.) GILES: We have to think of the facts, Willow. I'm very busy. I have a gig myself, you know. WILLOW: (sighs) Something's after us. It's, uh, like some primal ... some animal force. (In the background we see Anya doing a funny walk.) GILES: That used to be us. XANDER: Don't get linear on me now, man. ANYA: And ... then the duck tells the doctor that there's a man, that's attached to my ass. (Crowd laughs) (Xander laughs) ANYA: See, it was the duck, and not the man that spoke. (Smiles proudly. Applause) (Xander applauds. Willow is still looking at her book. Anya turns and leaves the stage.) WILLOW: Rupert. (Giles turns to look at her) You've gotta focus. You must have some kind of explanation. If we don't know what we're fighting, I don't think we stand a chance. (Giles frowns, begins to sing.) GILES: (sings) It's strange, it's not like anything we've faced before. (He gets up. Suddenly there's a piano player and a guitarist onstage, accompanying Giles' song. People applaud as Giles walks toward the stage.) GILES: (sings) It seems familiar somehow. Of course! (Drums start up. Giles grabs the mike. We see there's both a guitar and a bass player. People cheer enthusiastically.) GILES: (sings) The spell we cast with Buffy Must have released Some primal evil that's come back seeking (removes glasses) I'm not sure what Willow, look through the chronicles (Willow nods, reaches for another book) For some reference To a warrior beast (He puts his glasses on, grabs the mike again. More excited cheering as the music swells.) GILES: (sings) I've got to warn Buffy There's every chance she might be next Xander, help Willow (someone sings harmony on this line) (sh*t of Willow and Xander holding up cigarette lighters while reading the books.) GILES: (sings) And try not to bleed on my couch I've just had it steam-cleaned. (music slows) (sh*t of people in the audience smiling, swaying, holding up lighters) GILES: (sings) No, wait... (Loud feedback. The mike goes d*ad and the band stops playing. Giles looks confused. He gets down on his knees and starts following the microphone cord backstage. He traces it to a big pile of tangled cord, digs in it and pulls out his pocket watch on its chain.) GILES: Well, that was ... obvious. (We see the dark-haired creature braced on the wall above him, holding a w*apon.) GILES: I know who you are. (Another sh*t of the creature. Its w*apon looks like a stake.) GILES: And I can defeat you ... with my intellect. (We see the creature approaching from behind) I ... can cripple you with my thoughts. (It grabs his hair, puts a w*apon against his forehead) Of course, you underestimate me. You couldn't know. (Closeup of Giles' face with blood dripping down from his forehead. We hear his voice but his lips don't move.) GILES: You never had a Watcher. (Cut to the real Giles sleeping on the chair, twitching, dropping his glasses on the floor.) Commercial. (Fade in on Buffy sleeping on the sofa, covered with a green blanket. We see that she still has the cut on her forehead that she got in "The Yoko Factor.") ANYA: (whispers offscreen) Buffy! Wake up!) (Buffy opens her eyes. She's lying on her bed in the dorm room, on her side, facing Willow's bed. The cut on her forehead is gone. She frowns.) (sh*t of Anya lying in Willow's bed, under the covers.) ANYA: (whispers) Buffy, you have to wake up right away! BUFFY: I'm not really in charge of these things. (Closes eyes) ANYA: (anxious) Please wake up. Oh please. BUFFY: (opens eyes) I need my beauty sleep. So stop it, okay? (Rolls over onto her back) (The creature is hanging from the ceiling above her. It snarls at her.) (Cut to Buffy in her bed in Joyce's house, sitting up startled. The covers are rumpled around her. She lies back.) (Cut to Buffy standing in the doorway of the bedroom, looking at the bed.) BUFFY: Faith and I just made that bed. (sh*t of the bed, still rumpled but now without Buffy in it.) TARA: (offscreen) For who? (Buffy frowns, looks to her left.) BUFFY: I thought you were here to tell me. (sh*t of Tara with her hair up, facing Buffy.) BUFFY: (looking back at bed) The guys aren't here, are they? We were gonna hang out (looks at Tara) and, watch movies t- TARA: You lost them. BUFFY: No. (Looks confused) No. I think they need me to find them. (sh*t of the digital alarm clock next to the bed, showing 7:30 AM.) BUFFY: (upset) It's so late. TARA: Oh ... that clock's completely wrong. Here. (sh*t of Tara's hands holding out the Tarot card "Manus" (the hands). It has a picture of two hands crossed, one open, the other balled into a fist.) BUFFY: I'm never gonna use those. (Buffy's face in profile. Tara's face out of focus in background.) TARA: You think you know ... what's to come ... what you are. You haven't even g*n. (sh*t of the bed, now neatly made.) (Buffy frowns.) BUFFY: I think I need to go find the others. (She leaves.) TARA (softly) Be back before dawn. (Fade to a school hallway. Can't tell if it's Sunnydale High or the college. It seems to have elements of both. Buffy walks through the halls wearing a flowered dress. She speaks to a random guy walking past.) BUFFY: Have you seen my friends? (He shakes his head and walks on) They wouldn't just disappear. (She looks around, walks down the halls. We see a row of lockers. Suddenly Buffy notices a hole in the wall. The plaster is torn back, revealing a layer of bricks with a face-sized hole. She walks over to it.) BUFFY: Mom? (Joyce's face appears in the hole.) JOYCE: Oh, hi, honey. BUFFY: Why are you living in the walls? JOYCE: Oh, sweetie, no, I'm fine here. Don't worry about me. (Buffy frowns, tries to see inside the hole.) BUFFY: It looks dirty. JOYCE: Well, it seems that way to you. (Smiling) I made some lemonade, and I'm learning how to play mah-jongg. You go find your friends. BUFFY: I, I think they might be in danger. (Joyce starts to laugh. Buffy looks confused.) JOYCE: I-I'm sorry, dear. (Giggling) Um, a mouse is playing with my knees. BUFFY: I, I really don't think you should live in there. (Suddenly she looks over and sees Xander climbing up some stairs. Looks like the stairs leading to the library in UC Sunnydale.) JOYCE: Well ... you could ... probably break through the wall. (Buffy walks toward stairs. Joyce watches her go) (sh*t of Buffy's feet, wearing sandals, walking slowly down a hall.) (sh*t of two men sitting at a conference table, facing each other, in a room with high ceilings and plain gray walls. On the left wall is a big map of the world. On the right, a row of cabinets. There are two empty chairs. In the foreground we still see Buffy's feet.) (Man on the left speaks. It's Riley.) RILEY: Hey there, k*ller. BUFFY: (offscreen) Riley? You're back. RILEY: I never left. (Buffy's feet walk closer, as does the camera angle.) BUFFY: (offscreen) But how did the debriefing go? RILEY: I told you not to worry about that. It went great. They made me surgeon general. (sh*t of Buffy looking surprised.) BUFFY: Why didn't you come and tell me? We could have celebrated. (sh*t of Riley sitting in the chair, wearing a suit.) RILEY: Oh. (Looks at the other man ) We're drawing up a plan for world domination. (Looks back at Buffy, pleased.) The key element? Coffeemakers that think. (Buffy frowns.) BUFFY: World domination? I-is that a good? RILEY: Baby, we're the government. (He swings around in his chair to strike a James Bond-like pose. The camera sh**t him from below, through the glass tabletop. On the table we see a g*n.) RILEY: It's what we do. OTHER GUY: She's uncomfortable with certain concepts. (He's wearing a suit too, with no jacket.) It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency. (Looks at Buffy) Though you and me come by it another way. (sh*t of Buffy with the dark-haired creature behind her.) BUFFY: We're not demons. OTHER GUY: Is that a fact? (sh*t of Buffy. The creature is gone.) RILEY: Buffy, we've got important work here. (Same camera angle on Riley, the g*n prominent in the foreground.) A lot of filing, giving things names. BUFFY: (looks at other guy) What was yours? OTHER GUY: Before Adam? (Shakes his head. Suddenly the lighting turns blue) Not a man among us can remember. (Buffy looks around at the blue lighting. In the background we see shadows moving; we hear noises like emergency doors slamming shut.) COMPUTER VOICE: The demons have escaped. Please run for your lives. ADAM: This could be trouble. (He and Riley stand) RILEY: We better make a fort. ADAM: (nodding) I'll get some pillows. (Leaves) (Buffy looks very nervous. Shadowy figures behind her seem to be moving closer. She looks down and sees her w*apon bag lying at her feet. Looks up.) BUFFY: (gasping anxiously) Wait! I have w*apon! She sits on the floor and opens the bag. It's full of mud. Buffy frowns, putting her hands in the mud and moving them around. Lifts her hands, covered in mud. Brings them up and smears the mud on her face. Reaches in for more, rubs it all over her face as the colors invert again like a photo-negative.) (Suddenly the color returns to normal and Buffy looks up with her "I'm gonna kick your ass" expression.) RILEY: (offscreen) Thought you were looking for your friends. Okay, k*ller... (sh*t of Riley wearing regular civilian clothes) RILEY: ...if that's the way you want it. I guess you're on your own. (Walks off.) (Buffy's still on the floor in the gray room surrounded by blue light. Suddenly a beam of sunshine lights her. She gets up and walks off.) (Fade to Buffy's feet walking along a hallway, which turns to rippled sand like on a beach. She walks past a palm tree and is in the desert from before: rocks, scraggly bushes, sand. Again we hear the woman humming. Buffy walks down a hill. The camera zooms out and we can see more of the same landscape with mountains in the distance. A breeze ruffles her hair and dress.) BUFFY: I'm never gonna find them here. (She looks up and sees Tara far off, walking toward her. Tara has her hair up, wears a long pink skirt and matching top that exposes a lot of her stomach.) TARA VOICEOVER: Of course not. That's the reason you came. (Tara fades out and reappears closer, then this repeats. She stops walking.) (sh*t of Buffy and Tara standing about thirty feet apart, facing each other with miles of desert stretching out behind them.) BUFFY VOICEOVER: You're not in my dream. TARA VOICEOVER: I was borrowed. (sh*t of Tara standing with big rocks behind her. She wears a gold necklace.) TARA: Someone has to speak for her. (sh*t of Buffy standing with rocks, bushes and mountains behind.) BUFFY: Let her speak for herself. (We see the dark-haired creature walking up behind her.) That's what's done in polite circles. (The creature moves around to in front of Buffy and we finally get a good look at her. It's a dark-skinned woman with dreadlocks and long sharp fingernails. Her face is painted with white or grayish paint, lines of black paint across her eyes, and she wears rags. She crouches low and walks around Buffy like a wild animal. She looks like a cavewoman.) BUFFY: Why do you follow me? (The woman shakes her head.) TARA: (offscreen) I don't. BUFFY: Where are my friends? (sh*t of the woman backing away from Buffy, still crouching down low.) TARA: (offscreen) You're asking the wrong questions. BUFFY: (firmly) Make her speak. (The woman shakes her head again.) TARA: (offscreen) I have no speech. No name. I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. (The woman straightens up and looks Buffy in the eye.) TARA: I am destruction. Absolute ... alone. (Buffy frowns.) BUFFY: The Slayer. (The other woman looks at her.) Tara: (offscreen) The first. (sh*t of Buffy's hand, holding a bunch of Tarot-shaped cards. In the one on top we see a scene of Giles, Buffy, Willow, and Xander in Joyce's living room watching TV.) (sh*t of Buffy looking at the card in her hand, with the mountains behind her.) BUFFY: I am not alone. (sh*t of Tara in the background, the First Slayer in the middle ground, and Buffy's back in the foreground.) TARA: The Slayer does not walk in this world. BUFFY: I walk. (Side sh*t of the three of them.) BUFFY: I talk. I shop, I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. (sh*t of the First Slayer lifting her chin in anger.) BUFFY: (offscreen) There's trees in the desert since you moved out. (The First Slayer shakes her head) And I don't sleep on a bed of bones. (sh*t of Buffy's face.) BUFFY: (firmly) Now give me back my friends. (The First Slayer speaks in a very low, hoarse voice.) FIRST SLAYER: No ... friends! Just the k*ll. (sh*t of Buffy watching her.) FIRST SLAYER: We ... are ... alone! (The bald guy leans in between Buffy and the First Slayer, holding up two slices of cheese. He grins and shakes the cheese at Buffy, then retreats offscreen.) BUFFY: That's it. I'm waking up. (The First Slayer att*cks her, pushes her to the ground and tries to bash her head on it. African drum music begins.) (Buffy rolls the First Slayer off her and kicks at her. They both get up. The First Slayer punches her.) (Long sh*t of Buffy falling backward from the punch, slow-motion. No music.) (Music resumes and the action returns to real-time. The First Slayer tries to punch down but Buffy rolls to her feet and kicks her in the back. She kicks again but the First Slayer ducks. Buffy punches.) (Long sh*t of the First Slayer falling backward from the punch, slow-motion. No music. The first Slayer starts to get up.) (One last drum-b*at as the action returns to real-time. The First Slayer gets up. Faceoff.) (sh*t of Buffy shaking her head.) BUFFY: It's over. (Woman humming begins again. First Slayer shakes her head) We don't do this any more. (Drums begin again. The First Slayer grabs her again and they roll down a sandy hill, clutching each other and rolling over and over as the drums continue.) BUFFY VOICEOVER: Enough! (Cut to Buffy waking up on Joyce's floor. She lifts her head and looks around. Pan across Giles, Willow and Xander sleeping in their spots. Buffy groans and starts to get up.) (Growl.) (The First Slayer lands atop Buffy and starts s*ab repeatedly at the floor with her stake. sh*t of Buffy lying underneath the First Slayer, rolling her eyes.) BUFFY: Are you quite finished? (First Slayer pulls her stake out of the floor.) BUFFY: It's over, okay? I'm going to ignore you, and you're going to go away. (The First Slayer pulls back and Buffy sits up, then stands.) BUFFY: You're really gonna have to get over the whole ... primal power thing. (walks toward the sofa) (sh*t of the First Slayer staring at her.) BUFFY: (over her shoulder) You're *not* the source of me. (She picks up her blanket and sits back down on the sofa next to Willow. Another sh*t of the First Slayer staring at her.) BUFFY: Also, in terms of hair care, you really wanna say, what kind of impression am I making in the workplace? 'Cause- (Cut to the real Buffy waking up on the sofa. The cut on her forehead is back. She looks around.) (sh*t of all four of them. Giles, Willow and Xander awake at the same instant. They all sit up and look at each other.) (Fade to the four of them sitting around the kitchen table.) WILLOW: The First Slayer. Wow. XANDER: Not big with the socialization. WILLOW: Or the floss. GILES: Somehow our joining with ... Buffy and ... invoking the essence of the, the Slayer's power was an affront to the source of that power. BUFFY: You know, you could have brought that up to us *before* we did it. GILES: I did. I said there could be dire consequences. BUFFY: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast. (Joyce enters, wearing a bathrobe.) JOYCE: I'm, uh, guessing I missed some fun? WILLOW: The spirit of the first Slayer tried to k*ll us in our dreams. JOYCE: Oh, you want some hot chocolate? (Everyone says "yeah" or "yes please.") JOYCE: Xander? XANDER: Yes, what, Joyce? (Nervously) Uh ... Buffy's mom. JOYCE: Be my kitchen buddy again, help me carry? (Nods toward the kitchen) XANDER: Yes. Sure. (Nervously) Buffy's mom. Giles (to Buffy) You all right? BUFFY: Yeah. I think I might jump in the shower. GILES: You seem a bit, uh... BUFFY: A little. (Pensive) The First Slayer. I never really thought about it. (Sighs) It was intense. I-I guess you guys got a taste of that, huh. (Willow nods.) XANDER: Yeah, from now on, you keep your Slayer friends out of my dreams. Is that clear? (Buffy smiles.) WILLOW: It's not good for the sleepin'. (Giles shakes his head in agreement.) BUFFY: Ah... (Gets up) Well, at least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. (Walks off.) (The others look up in surprise.) BUFFY: (offscreen) I don't know *where* the hell that came from. (The other three look at each other.) (Cut to Buffy emerging from the stairs into the upper hallway. Walks down the hall toward the bathroom. Frowns, turns, looks into her bedroom. Walks into the doorway, looking at her bed.) TARA VOICEOVER: You think you know ... what's to come ... what you are. You haven't even g*n. (Long sh*t of the darkened bedroom, with Buffy framed in the doorway. She slowly backs away, turns and walks out of sight.)

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "04x22 - Restless"}

foreverdreaming

Act I Fade in on a beach, daytime. Buffy runs into the camera's view and catches a football. BUFFY: Ha! Touchdown! Oh yeah. Go team me. (She does a victory dance) sh*t of Riley grinning. Buffy throws him the ball; he catches it with a frown. RILEY: Anybody ever tell team you the quarterback throws like a girl? (Throws the ball back) BUFFY: (catches the ball, frowning) I do? Riley gives a "well, yeah" shrug. Buffy frowns, takes a grip on the ball and throws it. It hits Riley in the face and he falls down. BUFFY: (concerned) Ooh, sorry! Switch to long view. In the foreground we see Willow, Tara, and Anya lounging on beach blankets while Xander is sitting by a f*re pit, trying to light it. In the background we can see Buffy and Riley and, beyond them, the ocean. Riley is getting up and running at Buffy. BUFFY: No, don't, no - (shrieks as Riley tackles her) XANDER: I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running... Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion? ANYA: Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness. TARA: Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put. WILLOW: I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks. Buffy and Riley approach. WILLOW: Game over? RILEY: Uh, Buffy slayed the football. (Holds up the deflated ball, then tosses it aside) BUFFY: Where's my burger? (Xander is still trying to light the f*re) RILEY: Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me. (He and Buffy sit) XANDER: The, uh, f*re's not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman. WILLOW: (gestures at f*re) Ignis incende. The logs burst into flame. Xander falls backward onto his butt in the sand. BUFFY: Willow, check you out! Witch-fu. Tara smiles at Willow. WILLOW: It's no big. You just have to balance the elements so when you affect one, you don't wind up causing... A huge clap of thunder interrupts as dark clouds appear out of nowhere and it starts to rain. Everyone jumps up shrieking and starts frantically gathering up their stuff. WILLOW: I didn't do it! I didn't do it! They all grab their stuff and run off. Cut to: Exterior sh*t of a castle, evening, with the storm still raging. A truck drives up. Two guys get out and go to the back of the truck, where they remove a tarp from something and begin to pull out a large box. GUY1: Come on, hurry it up, I'm getting soaked. GUY2: I'm trying. Geez, this thing weighs- They give a pull and the box falls to the ground, cracking open slightly, leaning at an angle with one end on the ground and the other leaning on the truck. A little dirt leaks out of the cracked corner. GUY1: (annoyed) Nice. Good job. GUY2: (kneels to check out the broken corner) Look at this. Guy's carting dirt around. GUY1: Leave it. We'll, we'll turn it on its side. They begin trying to right the box. GUY2: Dirt. Man, rich people are- A hand bursts out of the box and slashes his throat. He screams and staggers backward. The other guy watches in horror as a body begins to burst out of the box. Cut to: Exterior sh*t of Giles' building. Cut to inside Giles' apartment. Willow is typing on a computer as Giles looks on. WILLOW: There you go. All set. GILES: Thank you, Willow. Obstinate bloody machine simply refused to work for me. (Walks off) WILLOW: Just call me the computer whisperer. (Stands up, putting something in the scanner) Let's get scannin'. I want to see this puppy go. Giles puts a pile of old books on her outstretched arms. GILES: Start with those. WILLOW: (scowls) Start? Where is finish? GILES: Willow, it's essential that we begin archiving the library. I mean, most of these texts have no duplicates. WILLOW: But ... now? Doesn't winter seem more like archiving season? GILES: (looks surprised) Well, you don't have to, Willow, I mean, you're, you're welcome to leave if, uh... WILLOW: No. It's fine. (Sits back down) It's just, you've been Mr. Project all summer. You know? Labeling the amulets and indexing your diaries. (Giles gives a little smile) I draw the line at making giant rubber band balls. That's when you'll just have to get a life. (Opens the scanner and takes out whatever is in it) GILES: (clears throat) That's what I'm trying to do, actually, is, um, get a life. (Sits down) WILLOW: (not looking at him, doesn't realize he's turned serious) It might go better if you left the house. GILES: Willow, um... you mustn't repeat what I'm about to say. Especially not to Buffy. (Willow looks confused and concerned) WILLOW: Uh-oh. GILES: You promise? WILLOW: Oh, god. Well, I guess. Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know? GILES: Did that mean yes? WILLOW: Yeah. GILES: We're doing all this because I, I want you and the others to have everything you need at your fingertips. You see, I'm, I'm going back to England. Willow looks shocked. WILLOW: You're ... what? But you can't! You're ... Buffy's Watcher! Giles sighs. WILLOW: I mean, in a fired way, but... GILES: Well, it's become quite obvious that Buffy doesn't need me. I-I don't say that in a self-pitying way, I'm, I'm quite proud, actually. (Smiles gently) WILLOW: But what about the rest of us? We still need to be watched! Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball. GILES: (laughs softly) I appreciate the sentiment, but it's, it's just not so. You'll be fine. You all will. (Gets up) And you know, we'll, we'll stay in touch. You can always call me whenever you like. WILLOW: When are you gonna tell Buffy? GILES: Soon. It won't be easy, but, um... I know she'll understand. Cut to Buffy eating dinner with Joyce. BUFFY: Thanks, Mom. Everything was yummy. (Put her napkin on the table) JOYCE: Hey, you up for dessert? We could, uh, take a drive, get some ice cream. BUFFY: (stands) You know, I, I would, but I kinda have to get out on patrol. (Begins gathering up dishes) JOYCE: Now? It's 8:30. BUFFY: Well, vamps don't really care what time it is. You know, dark equals dinner bell. (Begins carrying dishes to kitchen. Joyce stays seated) JOYCE: Right, of course. (Look around empty table) You know, I'm gonna have to get used to this place without you again. It gets so quiet. Buffy comes back in. BUFFY: You know, maybe we should make a regular date of this, when school starts. JOYCE: (nods) Mm. BUFFY: I'm sorry. (Kisses Joyce on cheek) Duty calls. It's a total drag. (Leaves) Cut to Buffy punching a vampire in the cemetery, looking like she's having plenty of fun. She punches him several times and then grabs his shoulders and knees him. He gets up and she's on his back. sh*t of a bunch of smoke or fog, coalescing into a face. We see just a pair of eyes and a nose. Back to Buffy on top of the vampire. He throws her down. She gets up and charges, ducks a punch, punches and then kicks him. She tries to kick again but he grabs her and lifts her over his head, then throws her down. She gets up again, Jumps on him with her legs around his neck. He throws her down, she flips him over and then stakes him. Buffy stands up looking satisfied, begins to stride away purposefully. She walks between the gravestones and suddenly stops, whirls around. MAN: Very impressive hunt. We see a man walking forward out of the darkness. He's very thin and pale, has long hair, and speaks with an accent. MAN: Such power. BUFFY: That was no hunt. That was just another day on the job. We see that the man is wearing a long flowing cloak and has long flowing hair. He walks toward Buffy. BUFFY: Care to step up for some overtime? MAN: We're not going to fight. BUFFY: Do you *know* what a slayer is? MAN: Do you? (Smirking) Buffy looks intrigued. BUFFY: Who are you? MAN: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula. Buffy's eyes widen and she looks delighted. BUFFY: Get out! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Commercial. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II Fade in on Willow and Xander walking through the darkened graveyard, holding plastic cups of iced coffee. WILLOW: Xand ... what if somebody had a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone. XANDER: (nodding) News flash, Will. Everybody knows. WILLOW: No, thi-this isn't about me and Tara. XANDER: Oh. Well, not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty. WILLOW: (grins) Sorry, this is of the non-naughty variety. And I'm not telling you. (Nods firmly) XANDER: Okay. Want to see if Buffy's hanging around the headstones? WILLOW: Sure. So if I was gonna tell you, which I'm not going to... Cut to Buffy still looking amazed. BUFFY: So lemme get this straight. You're ... (in Dracula's accent) "Dracula." The guy, the count. DRACULA: I am. (We can see his fangs now.) BUFFY: And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? Cause ... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat. DRACULA: (looks a little annoyed) You know who I am. As I would now without question that you are Buffy Summers. (Walks toward her, looming over her.) BUFFY: You're heard of me? DRACULA: Naturally. You're known throughout the world. BUFFY: (smiles bashfully) Naw. Really? DRACULA: Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned ... k*ller. BUFFY: Yeah, I prefer the term slayer. You know, k*ller just sounds so... DRACULA: Naked? BUFFY: Like I ... paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy, remember? DRACULA: Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it. Buffy frowns and ponders this for a moment. BUFFY: No. You know what I feel? Bored. She lunges at him with her stake. He dissolves into smoke. As she straightens up looking confused, he reappears behind her. She turns, lunges again. He dissolves into smoke again. Buffy looks around. BUFFY: Okay, that's cheating. Xander and Willow walk up. XANDER: Hey Buff, what's up? WILLOW: You look like you just- BUFFY: Get out of here. Now. XANDER: Fine, but I was gonna give you a sip of my double-mint mocha, but.. (We see Dracula reappearing behind him) BUFFY: Behind you. Willow and Xander turn and see Dracula. WILLOW: Hi. XANDER: Nice. Look who's got a bad case of dark prince envy. (Behind him we see Buffy holding her stake, looking concerned) DRACULA: I have no interest in you. Leave us. XANDER: No, we're not going to (in Dracula's accent) "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? (As the Count on Sesame Street) Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha! Dracula looks annoyed. BUFFY: (whispering) Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula. XANDER: Wow, really? (Hurries to stand behind Buffy) Hey, sorry, man, I was ... just jokin' around. DRACULA: This is not the time. (Locks eyes with Buffy) I will see you soon. He spreads his cape out and moves toward them, turning into a bat and flying over their heads as they all duck and yell. The bat flies away, squeaking. They straighten up and look around. The bat comes back and flies around Buffy's head. She covers her head with her hands. BUFFY: Bat! Ooh, bat! The bat squeaks and flies away again. Cut to: Exterior sh*t of Giles' building. XANDER VO: And then Buffy's all, "Look out!" Cut to inside Giles' apartment. XANDER: And then frigging Dracula's standing right behind us. (Sits on sofa where Anya and Willow are already sitting. We see Buffy and Riley standing around.) WILLOW: And then, he lunges at us, like whoosh! (With hand gestures) XANDER: He totally looked shorter in person. BUFFY: I told you he'd heard of me, right? I mean, can you believe that? (sh*t of Giles nodding patiently) Count Famous heard of me. RILEY: I couldn't believe it the first twenty times you told us, but it's starting to sink in now. BUFFY: I'm sorry. Am I repeat-o-girl? I was just ... blown away. RILEY: It's not that surprising that he's heard of you, Buffy. You are the slayer. BUFFY: I guess. Just - the way he said it, you know, I mean, he made it sound so... WILLOW: Sexy? I bet he made it sound sexy. (Grinning. We see Tara coming up behind her.) BUFFY: Kinda. He of the dark penetrating eyes and lilty accent. (Sits) XANDER VO: I wonder if he knows Frankenstein. TARA: (sits on arm of couch and gives Willow a glass of soda) You thought Dracula was sexy? WILLOW: Oh! No. He, he was ... yuck. ANYA: Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing? Yucko. XANDER: How would you know? ANYA: Well, we hung out a few times. (Xander looks jealous) Back in my demon days, you know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. (sighs wistfully, then remembers herself) You know, from, from a whole ... evil thing perspective. XANDER: (scoffs) Please. He was no big whoop. WILLOW: No big whoop? What about that thing where he turned himself into a bat? That was awesome! GILES: It must have been, yes. (Everyone looks at him) I must admit, I'm sorry I missed that. WILLOW: (suddenly realizing) Me too! The whole time I was thinking, 'Gosh, I wish Giles were here, he'd know what to do!' Giles smiles tolerantly; he knows what she's trying to do. WILLOW: (to the others) Didn't you guys ... think that? BUFFY: Actually, I was more thinking, 'Bat!' (Wiggles hands near her head) XANDER: (to Giles) How come he can do that? GILES: I, I have no idea. There's a great deal of myth about Dracula. I imagine the trick to defeating him lies in separating the fact from the fiction. WILLOW: Great point! That is so Giles, to think of something like that, you know? (To the others) That, that we ... would have never... (trails off) BUFFY: So we should take things slow with Dracula. I mean, he said that we would meet again, but I would like to avoid that until we do some serious homework. RILEY: I don't know. I mean, he may have a bunch of swell party tricks, but he's still just a vampire. I say we load up with stakes and crossbows and go after him now. XANDER: Second. ANYA: No, Buffy's right. Dracula's too slick to fall for the usual stuff. BUFFY: So we hold off. No k*lling until we know exactly what we're dealing with. RILEY: You're not just saying that because of those dark penetrating eyes of his, are you? BUFFY: Noooo, his eyes were -- (Gets up and goes over to Riley) There were - there was no penetration. (Embarrassed) Cross my heart. GILES: All right. Willow, you and Tara find out everything you can about the actual legend of Vlad the Impaler on the Internet, (Willow and Tara nod) and, uh, I'll check the library. (Everyone starts to get up) RILEY: If the Initiative was still around, we'd be able to find everything on this guy in a few hours. BUFFY: We might not be as fast, but we'll find him. You guys, we'll reconvene here in the morning. Everyone says "uh-huh" and goes off. Riley pulls Buffy aside. RILEY: What's your plan? BUFFY: Big sleep. My count encounter wiped me out. RILEY: (nods) I'm kinda wired. Maybe I should just let you get your rest. BUFFY: You sure? I mean, maybe if you just lie down with me... (suggestive look) RILEY: (grinning) Nothing you are about to say will lead to rest. BUFFY: I guess you're right. I'll see you in the morning? RILEY: Mm-hmm. With donuts. BUFFY: Mm. Heaven. (Smooch) See? A little sugar and I'm all yours. Dracula schmacula. Cut to Anya and Xander walking down the street. ANYA: I doubt he'd remember me. I was just a silly young thing. I mean, like seven hundred or so. But he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever, which was really sweet, don't you think? XANDER: Adorable. ANYA: It was a great spell. I made this jerk incredibly fat, like a human minivan. The camera pans up to the rooftop of the Espresso Pump, where we see a wolf growling as it walks along the roof following Anya and Xander. ANYA VO: You should just mention my name if you see him again. XANDER: Or better yet, why don't you just go sit on top of a crypt and flaunt your neck cleavage until Dracula shows up? Then you two can talk private. ANYA: Oh please, don't tell me you're jealous. XANDER: Oh no, just because you're panting over the guy. (Stops walking) ANYA: I am not panting. Now stop being silly. I'll see you tomorrow. (Smooch) XANDER: You don't wanna come back to my place? ANYA: It's whites day, remember? The bleach smell makes me nauseous. (Walks off) XANDER: Fine. I suppose Dracula doesn't use bleach, huh? He's a darks-only man. (Walks off. We see the wolf still watching him.) Cut to Xander rounding a corner on the dark street. He jumps in shock when he sees Dracula waiting for him. XANDER: (sighing) Great. Perfect. (suddenly deciding he's not scared) You know what? You're not so big. (Looks Dracula up and down) One round of old-fashioned fisticuffs, you'd fold like a bitty baby. Dracula scowls. XANDER: (rolls up sleeves) Okay, let's do it. And no poofing. Come on, puffy shirt. Pucker on up, cause you can kiss your pale ass- DRACULA: Silence. XANDER: Yes master. (Shakes head) No, that's not- DRACULA: (lifts a hand) You will be my emissary, my eyes and ears in daylight. XANDER: Your emissary? DRACULA: Serve me well. You will be rewarded. I will make you an immortal. A child of darkness that feeds on life itself... on blood. XANDER: (in Dracula's accent) "Blood"? (speaking very quickly) Yes! Yes! I will serve you, your excellent spookiness. Dracula frowns. XANDER: (still speaking too quickly) Or master. I'll just stick with master. DRACULA: You are strange and off-putting. Go now. Xander nods, turns to go, turns back. XANDER: But master, how can I find- (Sees Dracula is gone) Brilliant. What an exit! Guy's a genius! (Giggles crazily and walks off) Cut to Riley opening a crypt door and walking in. Candles are lit everywhere. He walks in, looking around. SPIKE: Well, well. Spike emerges from the shadows holding a crossbow. SPIKE: You can take the boy out of the Initiative, but you can't take the Initiative out of the boy. RILEY: I'd put that down, unless you're bucking for one hell of a headache. Spike hesitates, puts the bow down. SPIKE: I can't be too careful. I got quite a few demons after me these days. RILEY: I'm looking for some information. Might pay a little. SPIKE: (shrugs) I'll play. (Goes over to a couple of chairs) RILEY: What can you tell me about Dracula? SPIKE: Dracula? (scoffs) Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing. (Puts a cigarette in his mouth) RILEY: You know him? SPIKE: Know him? We're old rivals. (Lights cigarette) But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes. (Points at Riley) I'll tell you what. That glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer. His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to k*ll us. (Sits down) You know, the mirror bit? RILEY: But he's not just a regular vampire. I mean, he has special powers, right? SPIKE: Nothing but showy gypsy stuff. What's it to you, anyway? RILEY: He's in town. Making his presence known. SPIKE: (smiling) Drac's in Sunnydale-way? (Puts feet up on a cassock) I guess the old boy needed closure after all. RILEY: Actually, he's g*n for Buffy. But I'm out to find him before he gets another sh*t at her. (Sits) SPIKE: Tough talk, cowboy. But you're not gonna catch him napping in a crypt. No, the count has to have his luxury estate and his bug-eaters and his special dirt, don't he? RILEY: So you're saying I should check out mansions, that sort of thing? SPIKE: No. (stands) I'm saying ... you should go home to your superhoney. Have a nice, safe snog. You're out of your depth on this one, boy. (Turns his back on Riley) RILEY: You've helped Buffy before, so she has a problem with k*lling you now that you're helpless. (Spike still turned away) RILEY: I don't. Spike turns to face him, walks up to him. SPIKE: I'd like to see you try. Riley stands, gets in Spike's face. RILEY: Would you? They stare each other down. Finally Spike looks away. SPIKE: Pfft. Riley walks to the door. SPIKE: (calls out as Riley is at the door) You're never gonna find him. Riley leaves. SPIKE: (to himself) Not before he gets to her. Cut to: Exterior sh*t of Joyce's house, night. Cut to Buffy in bed, asleep. Pan over to the window. Fog pours in from outside, flows across the floor toward the bed. A breeze comes up, ruffling the sheets. Buffy wakes and sits up with a gasp. Dracula stands at the foot of the bed. DRACULA: You are magnificent. BUFFY: I bet you say that before you bite all the girls. DRACULA: No, you are different. Kindred. BUFFY: Kindred? Hardly, I- DRACULA: Pull your hair back. Buffy looks surprised but pulls her hair back from her neck. sh*t of Dracula admiring her. BUFFY VO: This isn't how I ... usually fight. Buffy looks a little self-conscious. Glances at the window. BUFFY: You think you can just waft in here with your music video wind and your hypno-eyes... (trails off) DRACULA: I have searched the world over for you. I have yearned for you. (Sits on the bed next to her) For a creature whose darkness rivals my own. He puts his hand on her chin and moves her head aside. He sees the scar where Angel bit her (episode "Graduation Day") and touches it with his fingertips. DRACULA: You have been tasted. (smiles slightly as he trails his fingers over her cheek) BUFFY: He was- DRACULA: Unworthy. (Buffy stares at him, looks scared) He let you go. (Looks her in the eyes) But the embrace ... his bite ... you remember. BUFFY: (uncertain) No. Dracula caresses her face some more. DRACULA: Do not fight. (Puts his hand behind her neck) I can feel your hunger. He leans down to bite her neck. Buffy gasps but doesn't pull away. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Commercial. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III Fade in on exterior of Joyce's house, morning. Cut to Buffy asleep in bed. She wakes up. Sits up looking a little confused. Cut to Buffy dressed, looking in the mirror. She fiddles with her hair, notices something, pulls her hair back to expose two bite marks on her neck. She looks at it for a moment, then grabs a scarf and ties it around her neck. Cut to Riley leaning over with a donut. RILEY: Here's a jelly one, you want it? Closeup of Riley's hand holding the donut out. sh*t of Buffy on Giles' couch with the donut being held in her face. BUFFY: No. XANDER: Got it! Got it. Mine, mine. (Note: throughout this scene Xander speaks each line very quickly and moves around a lot.) Xander rushes out of the kitchen and grabs the donut. We see Giles in the kitchen. Xander walks in little circles, nibbling quickly at the donut. Riley looks in the box for another donut. We see Willow on a chair in the background. WILLOW: Well, I think we have Dracula factoids. XANDER: (sitting on a stool eating the donut) Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master. Everyone gives him a strange look. XANDER: ...bator. WILLOW: A lot of it we already knew. (Riley walks to another chair opposite the couch) Turnoffs: wood, f*re, crosses, garlic. Turnons: nice duds, minions, (wistful) long slow bites that last for days... RILEY: Yeah, I did a little research too. (sh*t of Buffy looking distracted) Dracula likes to live in style. Which means we can rule out the usual dumps vampires haunt. XANDER: Ah! But he's smart enough to figure that we probably already know that. I'm guessing he's lying low. (Licks his donut. Giles comes out from the kitchen) WILLOW: Actually, my research backs Riley up. Drac isn't the lay-low type. GILES: (gives Riley a glass of milk) So we can, uh, check out the nicer places. Don't you think, Buffy? Buffy isn't paying attention. We see Xander moving from chair to chair and tapping fingers nervously. GILES: Buffy? Buffy blinks, tunes back in. BUFFY: Yeah. We'll check all the swanky places first. What else did you guys get? GILES: Well, Willow has most of it, actually. WILLOW: (sits up) Only because you gave me super pointers! I never would have... GILES: (puts up hand to stop her) Just go ahead, Willow. WILLOW: OK. Dracula's modus operandi is different from other vampires. He will k*ll just to feed, but he'd rather have a connection with his victims. And he has all of these mental powers to draw them in. Buffy looks thoughtful. WILLOW: He, he can read and control minds... appear in dreams... BUFFY: (distracted) Uh huh. WILLOW: Makes sense. That stare ... he just kinda ... looked right through you. Didn't you feel it, Buffy? Riley looks at Buffy. BUFFY: (pause) No. (gets up) No, I didn't. XANDER: See! Buffy didn't feel it. I think you're drawing a low of crazy conclusions about the unholy prince. Everyone gives him a strange look. XANDER: ...bator. GILES: The point is, though he goes through the motions of an intimate seduction, the end result is the same. He turns them into a vampire. Buffy looks as if she hadn't considered that. XANDER: Well. That *is* intimate. Dracula's gifting these ladies with his own blood. And blood -- (He notices a spider on the desk next to him, glances around to see if anyone's looking) Blood is life. Everyone looks confused. XANDER: According to them. (Slams his hand down on the spider) GILES: Um ... Just be aware that he, he tends to form a relationship with his prey. (When no one's looking, Xander scoops the spider into his mouth and chews) It's not enough for him to take her. She must want to be taken. She must ... burn for him. (Buffy looks uncomfortable, fiddling with her scarf.) BUFFY: That's ... interesting. I'm gonna go find him. She starts to leave. Everyone gets up. RILEY: You shouldn't go by yourself, Buffy. I mean, this guy's seriously dangerous. BUFFY: It's cool, I got it. (Opens door, leaves.) Buffy walking through the courtyard outside Giles' apartment. Riley comes out after her. RILEY: Hey. (grabs her arm and stops her) Take off that scarf. BUFFY: What? No. (puts hand over scarf) RILEY: (gives an "I knew it" nod) You're under the thrall of the dark prince! BUFFY: (scoffs) I am not under the thrall of the dark prince. RILEY: Then take off the scarf. BUFFY: Oh, let go of me! This is ridiculous. (tries to break arm out of Riley's grasp but he holds on) Riley rips off the scarf as the others come out too. Everyone looks at Buffy's neck. She sits on the edge of the stone fountain and puts her head in her hands. GILES: Why didn't you say anything? XANDER: Cause she didn't want to worry us, right Buffster? It's nothin'. Just a scratch. WILLOW: Two deep, puncture-y scratches. Buffy looks apologetically at Riley. BUFFY: I'm not sure why I tried to hide it. Uh, there was just this voice, and it was, it was telling me to cover it. RILEY: And what did I tell you? (to the others) That's thrall. XANDER: You're saying Dracula has some sort of freaky mind control over her? You're watching too many creature features, man. BUFFY: But it does seem like he has this ... control over me, I ... even though a big part of me is resisting. During this speech we see Xander grab a fly off a nearby leaf and eat it. RILEY: No, that's okay. I shouldn't take this personally. I mean, what with Angel, I mean, it's understandable that there would be transference. I mean, they're both broody immortals. Buffy looks dismayed and gets up to walk close to Riley. BUFFY: (firmly) I am not transfer-y. (quieter) I swear to you. I'm your girl, and I'm gonna stay that way. RILEY: Okay. But you are not going anywhere near him again. GILES: Uh, Riley's right, you should - you should stay out of sight. Let the rest of us look for Dracula. BUFFY: I can't go home. He already got inside once. XANDER: You can come over to my place. I'll make sure you stay put. GILES: Good. Um, Riley and I can, uh, can... search for Dracula, and Willow, you and Tara could uh, could do a protection spell on Buffy's mother's house, and prevent him from returning. WILLOW: (nodding) Got it. How'd he get inside anyway? Cut to Joyce walking through her house. JOYCE: He seemed so nice and normal. A little pale. We see Willow and Tara working magic on the front door. WILLOW: A good Sunnydale rule of thumb? Avoid white-skinned men in capes. JOYCE: I'm not like this. I don't invite strange men over for coffee, it's just ... Oh, when you girls are older you'll understand. (Sits on stairs) It's hard to date. Sometimes you just ... feel like giving up on men altogether. Willow and Tara sneak little looks at each other and try not to grin. Cut to: sh*t of the sun setting on the horizon. Cut to Giles and Riley walking through the grounds of a mansion. Riley has a notepad. Giles carries a bag. RILEY: Another bust. (crosses something off on notepad) GILES: And it's getting dark. I should have turned up a better lead. There must be an easier way to find him. RILEY: Too late to worry about that now. If we hurry, we can h*t these last places. They leave the estate. Cut to Xander's basement. ANYA: How come I have to be here slayer-sitting while the other guys get to look for Dracula? We see Buffy and Anya sitting on the couch while Xander paces. ANYA: I mean, just because I'm- XANDER: What time is it? ANYA: (checks watch) Uh, almost six. (stands up so she's standing in front of the open closet door) Look, I mean, I'm the one who knows him, I-I'm the one who had a really good look at him, and so, I mean, what- Xander pushes her into the closet and shuts the door. ANYA: Hey! What? Xander puts a chair under the doorknob to hold it shut. We hear Anya banging on the door and yelling. Buffy sits oblivious through all of this. Xander turns to Buffy. XANDER: (still talking too fast) I'm supposed to deliver you to the master now. Buffy looks up at him. XANDER: There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that? BUFFY: Take me to him. She stands. We still hear Anya pounding and yelling. Cut to: Exterior sh*t of the castle, night. Xander and Buffy walking up to the castle, walking up the steps. Cut to interior of the castle. The typical wooden furnishings. Torches and candles everywhere. Xander leads Buffy in. XANDER: Master? I deliver the slayer. She who you most desire. (Buffy walks in behind him, still looking kind of catatonic. Xander gives a little bow.) XANDER: Sorry, whom. Pan across a long table. sh*t of Dracula standing by the fireplace, wearing black pants, red shirt, black vest. He turns slowly. XANDER: So now comes the immortality, right? You do the thing, and- DRACULA: Leave us. Xander stops. DRACULA: We must not be interrupted. XANDER: You bet. (leaves) Buffy and Dracula stare at each other across the long table. DRACULA: I knew you'd come. BUFFY: Why? Because I'm under your thrall? (Whips out Mister Pointy and drops the dazed expression) Well, guess again, pal. DRACULA: Put the stake down. BUFFY: Okay. (Puts it down, then looks at her hand in surprise) Right. That ... was not ... you. (Sounding unconvinced) I did that. I did that because ... I wanted to. Dracula watches her. BUFFY: Maybe I should rethink that thrall thing. (looks around nervously and gives a little whimper) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Commercial. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV Exterior of castle. Riles and Giles walk up. RILEY: I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before? GILES: Uh, a castle? RILEY: A big honking castle. They walk toward it. Cut to Riley and Giles opening the castle door and entering, looking around. Riles points down one hallway. Giles nods and goes down it. Riley goes the other way. sh*t of a woman with yellow eyes and vampire teeth peeking out from the shadows, smiling. Cut to Buffy and Dracula in the dining room. BUFFY: Stay away from me. DRACULA: Are you afraid I will bite you? (walking slowly toward her) Slayer, that's why you came. BUFFY: No. Last night ... it's not gonna happen again. DRACULA: (still walking toward her) Stop me. Stake me. BUFFY: (backing up a little) I... (glancing at stake on the table) Any minute now. DRACULA: Do you know why you cannot resist? BUFFY: Cause you're famous? DRACULA: Because you do not want to. BUFFY: (shakes head nervously) My friends- DRACULA: They're here. (she looks at him) They will not find us. We are alone. Buffy looks anxious. DRACULA: Always alone. Buffy continues to look anxious. DRACULA: (begins to circle around her) There is so much I have to teach you. Your history, your power ... what your body is capable of... BUFFY: (shaking head) I don't need to know. DRACULA: You long to. And you will have eternity to discover yourself. (Comes back around in front to face her) But first ... a little taste. BUFFY: I won't let you. DRACULA: I didn't mean for me. sh*t of Buffy looking determined. Cut to Riley moving through the dark hallways. He tries a door but it's locked. He turns away, but then the door opens and Xander comes out. XANDER: Nobody harms my master. RILEY: Your master? XANDER: You want him? You come through me. Riley punches him in the face. He falls down. RILEY: Okey-dokey. Steps over Xander and through the door. Cut to Giles in another part of the castle. He tries a door and it opens. He steps into the darkness beyond and falls off a ledge to the floor about eight feet below. GILES: Oh, good show, Giles. Uhh... at least you didn't get knocked out for a change. (Turns over on his back with a groan) GILES: Oh ... oh, ladies. Three vampire women appear and begin crawling over him, GILES: You would ... be the three sisters, yes? They begin kissing his cheek and rubbing his chest. GILES: E-excellent, right. Uh, I'd heard that you were myth ... obviously erroneous. One of them rips his shirt open and begins caressing him. GILES: Aah! Ooh, that's, uh, that, uh... (giggling) tickles! Ooh, uh... oh, dear god. (Panting) Cut back to Dracula. He holds up his arm and rolls up the sleeve. BUFFY: What are you- DRACULA: All those years fighting us. Your power so near to our own... (Cuts his arm with a fingernail till blood wells up) ...and you've never once wanted to know what it is that we fight for? (Holds his arm out to Buffy) Never even a taste? BUFFY: (looks conflicted) If I drink that- DRACULA: I have not drunk enough for you to change. You must be near death to become one of us. And that comes only when you plead for it. BUFFY: (staring at his wrist) I'm not hungry. DRACULA: No. Your craving goes deeper than that. Buffy stares at him. DRACULA: (whispering) You think you know ... what you are ... what's to come. You haven't even g*n. Buffy looks at his arm, at his face. Takes his hand in both of hers and puts her mouth on the bloody wrist. DRACULA: Find it. The darkness. Find your true nature. Buffy's eyes are wide. A very quick series of sh*ts flashing by. Most are sh*ts of Buffy fighting, but a few are sh*ts of the First Slayer from episode "Restless." There's also a sh*t of a vein with blood corpuscles rushing through it. Buffy lifts her head. BUFFY: (softly) Wow. She suddenly shoves out her hand and pushes Dracula away. He lands on the table and slides across it on his back. BUFFY: (normal voice) That was gross. She walks forward as Dracula gets to his feet. DRACULA: You are resisting. BUFFY: Looks like. DRACULA: Come here. Come to me. (holds out hand) BUFFY: You know, I really think the thrall has gone out of our relationship. But I want to thank you for opening up my eyes a little. DRACULA: What is this? BUFFY: My true nature. You want a taste? Dracula growls and lunges at her. She jumps over his head, whirls, kicks him, punches him twice, kicks him into a wall. He spins back, grabs her arm, punches her and flings her across the room. She lands on the table on her back. Cut to Riley walking up to an open door. RILEY: Buffy? Are you in- (stops himself before falling into the pit) Giles! Giles! Riley pulls out a cross and holds it up. The three female vampires hiss and slink away. Riley tosses the cross to Giles, who catches it. RILEY: Come on, come on. Grab my hand. GILES: Thank god you came. RILEY: Come on! GILES: There was no possible escape. Still staring back toward the sisters, Giles takes Riley's hand and Riley pulls him up. Giles notices his foot has only a sock on it. GILES: Oh, my shoe. (Pointing back into the pit) Silly me, I'll just pop- RILEY: No no no, sir! (Pulls him away) No more chick pit for you. Come on. (They get up and move off down the hall.) Cut back to Buffy running across the room. She barrels into Dracula and they fall to the floor, rolling. He's on top. He punches her, she punches him, then she grabs his shirt and flips him over. Now she's on top. She punches him a few times. Then he catches her fist and flings her off him. He's grinning. They both get up, grab each other and fall down again. Buffy's on top. She brings both her hands down but he blocks and flings her away again. She flies backward and hits the wall. She grabs him, he flips her across the table and then jumps onto it. She hits him with a chair and then sweeps his feet out from under him. He punches her. She grabs a torch and he rolls away just as she hits the table with it. They face each other across the table. BUFFY: A guy like you should think about going electric. Seriously. Dracula growls and turns to smoke. Buffy looks around, sees where the smoke is converging, drops the torch and runs toward the smoke. She grabs Mister Pointy off the table as she runs, leaps to the top of the stairs, and is there to stake Dracula just as he appears from the smoke. He looks shocked. BUFFY: How do you like my darkness now? Dracula growls, falls down the stairs and explodes into dust. Buffy saunters down the stairs. Riley and Giles rush in. RILEY: Buffy! You okay? BUFFY: Yeah. Chock full of free will. GILES: And Dracula? BUFFY: Eurotrashed. Xander rushes in holding a torch. XANDER: (back to talking normally) Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch? BUFFY: He's gone. XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! Giles, Riley, and Buffy nod and try to look solemn. BUFFY: Check. No more butt-monkey. RILEY: It coulda been worse. At least you weren't making time with the dracu-babes like Giles here. GILES: I was not making time! I, I was, uh, just about to k*ll those, uh, loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me. (Wrapping his torn shirt around himself) Riley (grinning) You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death? Riley and Buffy grin and start to walk away. GILES: Of course not! I was in complete... (the others have walked off) control. He walks out. sh*t of the candles burning in the chandelier. sh*t of the stairs. sh*t of the bottom of the stairs. The fog appears and begins to converge. As soon as Dracula has fully appeared, a hand appears and stakes him again. He gasps. BUFFY: You think I don't watch your movies? (rolling her eyes) You always come back. Dracula explodes into dust again. Buffy folds her arms and watches. The fog begins to collect again. BUFFY VO: I'm standing right here! The fog dissipates. Exterior sh*t of Giles' building. BUFFY VO: You wanted to see me? Cut to inside Giles' apartment. Giles gets up as Buffy walks in. GILES: Yes. Thanks for coming. Can I offer you some tea? BUFFY: Oh ... no, thanks. (notices a plate on the table by the sofa) Ooh, cookies. How come I rate the little cookie treatment? GILES: Well, actually, I have something to tell you. (comes over with a teapot. They both sit on the sofa.) BUFFY: Actually, I have something that I'd like to talk to you about, too. GILES: Oh, well, you go first, by all means. BUFFY: No, go ahead. GILES: No, I insist. (pouring tea) BUFFY: (after a moment, softly) You haven't been my Watcher for a while. (Giles stops pouring) I haven't been training ... and I haven't really needed to come to you for help. GILES: (sadly) I agree. (sets down the teapot) BUFFY: (gestures helplessly, gets up to pace) And then this whole thing with Dracula ... it made me face up to some stuff. (Giles looks concerned) Ever since we did that spell where we called on the first slayer ... I've been going out a lot. (Giles looks surprised) Every night. GILES: Patrolling? BUFFY: Hunting. That's ... what Dracula called it. (pacing) And he was right. He understood my power better than I do. He saw darkness in it. sh*t of Giles looking very concerned. BUFFY: (sits down again) I need to know more. About where I come from, about the other slayers. I mean, maybe ... maybe if I could learn to control this thing, I could be stronger, I could be better. But ... I'm scared. I know it's gonna be hard. And I can't do it ... without you. I need your help. (pause) I need you to be my Watcher again. Giles stops frowning. BUFFY: (sighs, laughs nervously) Boy, I just, I just keep talking, don't I? I'm sorry, you-you had something you wanted to say? GILES: (smiling) No ... it's nothing. He picks up his teacup. Buffy looks relieved. Cut to Joyce's house. Buffy walks through the halls and peeks into Joyce's bedroom. BUFFY: I'm outta here. (Joyce comes onscreen, in the bedroom. Buffy moves offscreen but keeps talking) Riley and I are going to the movies. JOYCE: Okay. Have a good time. Buffy goes into another room and sees the back of a girl with long brown hair. BUFFY VO: What are you *doing* here? The girl turns around, looks surprised, then gives Buffy a sour look. Buffy doesn't look too pleased either. Cut back to Joyce in her room, calling out. JOYCE: Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister? Cut back to the bedroom. Both girls turn to look at the doorway, looking annoyed. Buffy and Dawn (in unison): Mom! End.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x01 - Buffy vs. Dracula"}

foreverdreaming

Teaser BUFFY: I've been going out a lot. GILES: Patrolling? BUFFY: Hunting. Various sh*ts of Buffy fighting and k*lling vampires. GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on BTVS... BUFFY VOICEOVER: That's ... what Dracula called it. And he was right. sh*t of Buffy talking to Giles. BUFFY: He understood my power better than I do. He saw darkness in it. sh*t of Giles looking concerned. BUFFY: I need to know more. About where I come from, about the other slayers. I need you to be my Watcher again. sh*t of Xander in Dracula's castle. XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! sh*t of Buffy walking into a room in Joyce's house, seeing Dawn. BUFFY VOICEOVER: What are you *doing* here? sh*t of Dawn looking annoyed. sh*t of Joyce in her room, calling out. JOYCE: Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister? sh*t of Buffy and Dawn looking annoyed in Joyce's direction. Buffy and Dawn (in unison): Mom! Episode begins with a black screen. GILES VOICEOVER: There is nothing but you. Head-sh*t of Buffy with her eyes closed. Quiet, meditative music begins. GILES VOICEOVER: You are the center. And within you, there is the core of your being ... of what you are. sh*t of Giles walking in a circle around Buffy. GILES: Find it ... breathe into it. We see Buffy wearing a t*nk-top and pants, leaning over a short pedestal with both her hands on it. Giles walks in front of her. GILES VOICEOVER: Focus inward. Let the world fall away ... fall away ... fall away... The camera zooms in on Buffy's face as Giles repeats "fall away." She opens her eyes. Buffy leans forward and goes into a handstand, balancing on her hands on the pedestal. The pedestal is about two feet high and four inches square. We see exercise mats underneath it and a vault in the background. Giles is still walking circles around Buffy, staring at her. sh*t of a large flat crystal with three smaller crystals standing on end atop it. sh*t of Giles watching Buffy. Closeup of Buffy's face, eyes closed again. She begins to remove one hand from the pedestal. Slow-motion sh*t of Buffy bringing one arm out parallel to the floor, so she is balancing on the other hand. Giles still walking around her, watching. The music continues. Buffy's face looks very peaceful. sh*t of the crystals. A hand appears and tries to balance a fourth crystal on top of the three standing ones, but it's clumsy and all the crystals fall over with a clunk. Buffy's eyes pop open, she loses her concentration and crashes to the floor with a cry. Giles starts toward her in alarm, sees she's all right. He then looks in a different direction, pulling off his glasses in an angry motion. sh*t of the ceiling from Buffy's point of view. Dawn's face emerges into the sh*t. DAWN: Can we go now? sh*t of Buffy looking annoyed. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Michelle Trachtenberg (Dawn) is now listed with the regular cast members, after Emma Caulfield and before James Marsters. Guest starring Mercedes McNab, Bob Morrisey, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by David Fury, directed by David Grossman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on a hanging mobile of fish. The camera pans across a bedroom. DAWN VOICEOVER: Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. It's like, nobody cares enough to find out. I mean, does anyone ever ask *me* what I want to do with my life? Or what my opinion is on stuff? Or what restaurant to order in from? We see Dawn sitting on a bed, wearing pajamas, writing in a diary. There's a huge pile of stuffed animals on the bed with her. DAWN VOICEOVER: No. Underline. Exclamation point. We see her underlining the word and drawing the exclamation point. She ponders for a moment and then violently draws a few more, s*ab at the paper with her pen. DAWN VOICEOVER: Exclamation point, exclamation point. (pause) No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a slayer. sh*t of Buffy opening the refrigerator and taking out a carton of milk. DAWN VOICEOVER: People wouldn't be so crazy about her if they had to live in the same house with her every single day. Everybody cares what she thinks. Just 'cause she can do backflips and stuff. Buffy sniffs the milk and puts it on the counter. In the background we see Joyce drinking coffee and Dawn opening a cabinet to get out a box of cereal. Buffy picks up a banana from a bowl of fruit, turns away. DAWN VOICEOVER: Like that's *such* a crucial job skill in the real world. As Buffy moves to the background of the sh*t to get a bowl, Joyce and Dawn move to the foreground. Joyce pours milk into her coffee cup. Dawn opens the cereal box and sits down. DAWN VOICEOVER: Plus Mom lets her get away with everything. "Your sister's saving the world." Joyce moves to the background again as Buffy returns with a bowl, which she places on the counter, moving the milk carton aside. She picks up the banana again and turns away, peeling it. Dawn takes Buffy's bowl and pours cereal into it. DAWN VOICEOVER: *I* could so save the world if somebody handed me super powers... Dawn turns away from the table as Buffy returns with a Kn*fe, prepared to slice the banana into her bowl, but finds the bowl missing. She sees it sitting at Dawn's spot full of cereal, and makes an irritated face. DAWN VOICEOVER: ...but I'd think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones, which Buffy doesn't even. Dawn returns with a spoon, wearing an innocent expression. Buffy turns away to get another bowl, and Dawn picks up the carton of milk. She empties it into her bowl and sits down to eat. DAWN VOICEOVER: If this town wasn't so lame everyone would completely know what she does. And then I bet they wouldn't even be that impressed, because like, k*lling things with wood? Oh, scary vampires, they die from a splinter. Buffy returns with another bowl, reaches across Dawn for the cereal box, pours it into her bowl, picks up the milk carton and finds it empty. Dawn continues eating, pretending not to notice. JOYCE: So Buffy, what are your plans today? Buffy continues giving Dawn a dirty look for a moment, then looks away. BUFFY: Oh, actually, Giles and I are gonna go to the magic shop for supplies for my new and improved training sessions. JOYCE: Oh, that's great. BUFFY: (walking to sink, then to fridge) Oh, yeah, I'm actually- JOYCE: (interrupts) You can take Dawn shopping for back to school supplies. Dawn puts down her spoon and turns around, preparing to argue. BUFFY: What? DAWN: Mom, I-I thought you were taking me. JOYCE: Well, honey, I've got the Gurion showing tonight, and there's so much to do to get the gallery ready. (Turns to leave kitchen.) BUFFY: No, but, see, Mom -- Buffy and Dawn run after Joyce as she walks to the living room. BUFFY: That doesn't really work for me. We're just going to the magic shop. No school supplies there. DAWN: Yeah, Mom, I'm not going to Hogwarts. (She giggles at her own joke till she notices Buffy looking annoyed and confused.) Geez, crack a book sometime. JOYCE: Look, I'm sure Giles doesn't mind dropping you and your sister off at the mall afterwards. BUFFY: Actually, he does mind. This is supposed to be quality Watcher/slayer time. I told you, she completely ruined my training yesterday. DAWN: Did not! BUFFY: Oh, you know you did too. JOYCE: Buffy. I realize the importance of your new slayer thing, but- Knock on door. JOYCE: -I could really use your help. She walks past the two girls, both sighing and rolling their eyes in annoyance. They glare at each other as Joyce opens the door and Riley comes in. RILEY: Morning, Mrs. Summers. You look great. JOYCE: Oh, thank you, Riley. (Exits) Buffy goes over to Riley. BUFFY: Suck up. RILEY: What? It's a nice outfit. Dawn pretends not to be watching them. BUFFY: Mm-hmm. RILEY: Besides, "I'm here to violate your firstborn" never goes over with parents. Not sure why. He and Buffy smooch. DAWN VOICEOVER: Riley, my sister's boyfriend, is *so* into her. They're always kissing ... and groping. I bet they have sex! Riley stops kissing Buffy and looks at Dawn. RILEY: Hey, kid. DAWN: I'm not a kid. She walks off as Buffy & Riley move into the living room. BUFFY: Well, this is a surprise of the nicest kind. RILEY: Now it's my turn to be surprised. I thought we had plans today. They sit on the sofa. BUFFY: Plans? We planned plans? RILEY: Well, you said, uh, "come over tomorrow and we'll hang," and then I said, "OK." Not the invasion of Normandy, but still a plan. Buffy nods in resignation. BUFFY: Right. RILEY: (studying her expression) We're not hangin' today, are we? BUFFY: Giles is on his way to pick me up. RILEY: Oh, slayer training. BUFFY: Slayer shopping, actually, but equally as important. RILEY: I have no doubt. Okay, well, we'll hook up later. (Starts to get up) BUFFY: Are you mad at me? RILEY: Oh, no, not at all. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way. (Smiles) BUFFY: Good. RILEY: Look, Buffy, I know what this means to you. I think it's great that you've got this new mission. I'll see you tonight. (Smooch. Riley gets up.) RILEY: Bye. (calling) See ya, kid! DAWN: (OS) I'm not a kid! Cut to a sh*t of a bright red convertible driving down the street. Giles is at the wheel, Buffy beside him and Dawn in the back. Classical music plays on the radio. GILES: Well, I sympathize with you, Buffy, I truly do. But I'm certain that Riley understands better than anyone else the importance of training. You can't allow personal concerns to distract you from- (Dawn reaches between them to change the radio station) Dawn, will you stop fiddling with the radio and sit down? Dawn sits back, looking exasperated. The radio plays classical music. DAWN VOICEOVER: I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me too much. sh*t of Dawn back in her room, writing in her diary. DAWN VOICEOVER: I think it's 'cause he's just so ... old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word "newfangled" one time. So he's gotta be pretty far gone. Cut back to Dawn fidgeting in the backseat of the car. BUFFY: (studying a piece of paper) There's a lot of books on this list. Any of them come on tape? You know, read by George Clooney or someone cute like that? GILES: You're entering a new realm here, Buffy. One for which I myself am not entirely prepared. Are you ready for this commitment? BUFFY: I'm just kidding! Hey, this Betty's ready. Color me committed. The car engine races as Giles tries to shift. GILES: Blast! BUFFY: You put it in neutral again, huh? GILES: I'm just not used to this a*t*matic transmission. I-I loathe this sitting here, not contributing. sh*t of Dawn looking surprised. GILES: No, i-it's not working out. BUFFY: Giles, are you breaking up with your car? GILES: Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty! BUFFY: Little two-door tramp. Giles gives her a sour look. GILES: I-I-I don't know, I just - I was so at loose ends, I-I found myself searching for ... some way of feeling more... BUFFY: Shallow? GILES: Perhaps, as I am to act as your Watcher again, a modicum of respect might be in order. BUFFY: Do I have to? GILES: I'm serious, Buffy, there's going to be far less time for the sort of flighty, frivolous- DAWN: (pointing) Hey, there's Willow and Tara! GILES: Ooh, they haven't seen my new car. He pulls over. Buffy rolls her eyes at him. We see Willow and Tara coming out of the coffee shop. WILLOW: Hey Giles, sharp wheels! TARA: The rest of the car's nice too. Everyone gets out of the car. GILES: Handles like a dream. BUFFY: Where are you guys heading? WILLOW: Magic shop. I have some charms on back order. DAWN: (smiling) Willow, hi. WILLOW: Hey Dawny! (They hug) How's my favorite chess partner? Still leading with your knight? Dawn shrugs in embarrassment. DAWN VOICEOVER: Willow's the awesomest person. Cut back to Dawn in pajamas, now lying on her bed writing in the diary with a smile. DAWN VOICEOVER: She's the only one I know who likes school as much as me. Cut back to the street. Dawn smiles at Willow, then the camera pans over to Tara. DAWN VOICEOVER: Even her friends are cool! Tara smiles and gives a little wave. TARA: Hey Dawn. DAWN VOICEOVER: Like Tara. (Cut back to Dawn in the bedroom) She and Willow are both witches. They do spells and stuff, which is so much cooler than slaying. I told Mom one time I wished they'd teach me some of the things they do together. A-and then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs. (She pauses in her writing and looks puzzled.) Huh. I guess her generation isn't cool with witchcraft. Cut back to the street. Dawn and Tara are walking side-by-side, with Giles ahead of them and Buffy and Willow in the lead. BUFFY: So Giles and I worked out a whole schedule around school. A block of time every day just to focus on my new slayer training. WILLOW: That's a work ethic! Buffy, you're developing a work ethic. BUFFY: Oh, no. Do they make an ointment for that? WILLOW: People gotta respect a solid work ethic. Look at you, motivated Buffy. Eager to soak up learning. Oh, you and I are gonna have so much fun this semester. BUFFY: (stops walking, and so do the rest of them) Yeah, that reminds me. With the whole new training schedule, I kinda had to drop a class. WILLOW: That's understandable. Your slayer studies are way more important. BUFFY: So I won't be taking drama with you. In the background we see Tara and Dawn peering in the windows of the magic shop. WILLOW: What? You have to, you promised! BUFFY: Well, I know, but Giles said that it just was- (gesturing to Giles who's behind her, looking in the opposite direction) WILLOW: The hell with Giles. (Giles turns in surprise) GILES: I can hear you, Willow. WILLOW: Drama is just Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. You can blow off training Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, can't you? BUFFY: What happened to "people gotta respect a work ethic"? WILLOW: Other people, not me! There's a whole best friend loophole. TARA: (calling to them) Shop's kinda dark. Maybe it's closed. GILES: That's odd. Everyone looks bemused and walks toward the magic shop. Cut to interior of the magic shop as Giles opens the door and walks in. It's dark and the furniture is overturned. Giles and Buffy walk in slowly, followed by the others, all looking around. BUFFY: Well, I think "odd" just got upped to "bad." GILES: (calling) Hello? Anyone here? TARA: Mr. Bogarty? Everyone looks at Tara. TARA: The owner. I-I come in here a lot. Willow advances farther into the store. WILLOW: Well, maybe this happened ... really late at night when nobody was... She trips over something and falls to the floor. BUFFY: Will? Tara comes forward. WILLOW: I'm fine, I - I just tripped over... She sits up and sees the body. He's lying face-up and we can see vampire bite marks on his neck. WILLOW: Mr. Bogarty. DAWN: (behind Buffy and Giles) Wha-what is it, is he okay? She tries to move forward but Buffy pushes her back. BUFFY: It's nothing you need to see, Dawn, go wait outside. Buffy hustles her toward the door with a hand on Dawn's elbow. DAWN: I don't wanna wait outside! BUFFY: Dawn! DAWN: Ow, that hurt! (Buffy pushes her out the door onto the street) You're hurting me. I'm telling. BUFFY: Look, I don't have time for this. Just do as I say and wait. She starts off, then turns back. BUFFY: Here. Buffy goes back inside. Dawn sighs in annoyance, walks around a little, then goes back and peers between the blinds. Inside the shop she can see Buffy, Tara and Willow standing around as Giles kneels beside the body. GUY: Whatcha doin'? Dawn turns with a gasp. A scruffy older man is standing there, unshaven, his tie loose. GUY: What are you doing here? You can't loiter. There's no loitering. He advances on Dawn as she backs up, scared. GUY: That's why I'm a cat. Quiet. See, cat's in the cupboard (making cat-scratching gestures with his hands) but they find you there anyway, and it hurts. Dawn has backed up against a van. She looks around, scared. GUY: (sobbing) Please, make it stop. (in a different tone) Shut up, shut up, they'll hear you! DAWN: (tries to call out) Buff- (Shrieks as the guy puts his finger on her lips) GUY: I know you. Curds and whey. (Dawn looks shocked) I know what you are. (slowly and ominously) You ... don't ... belong ... here. Dawn shakes her head, looks on the verge of tears. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cut in on the outer door to the magic shop. It opens and Tara comes out. She looks around. TARA: Dawn? She walks out a little farther, looking around. TARA: Dawn? She looks down and sees Dawn sitting on the ground, leaning against a building. TARA: Dawn. You okay? DAWN: Is ... Is that guy d*ad in there? Tara nods. TARA: Yeah. She sits down next to Dawn. TARA: They're gonna be a little while longer, doing the detective thing. Best non-scoobies like you and me stay out of the way. Dawn nods. They sit silently for a few moments. TARA: Do you wanna thumb-wrestle? Dawn nods again. DAWN: Okay. They lock their hands together and begin to thumb-wrestle. Cut to a sh*t of the d*ad guy lying face-up. Giles' hands reach over and close his eyes. BUFFY: Judging by the bite-fest, I'd say it was more than one vampire. GILES: (standing up) I make it four at least. BUFFY: Looks like someone's put together a new fang club. (Walks to the counter. Willow is behind it, holding a book.) WILLOW: Well, I've cross-checked the inventory list, and things are definitely missing. (puts inventory book on the counter) Mostly books. Including A Treatise on the Mythology and Methodology of the Vampire Slayer. Buffy pulls out her list as Giles picks up the inventory book. BUFFY: Oh, sh**t! Was that the only copy? GILES: Come on, Buffy, this could be very serious. Whoever's leading this pack of vampires appears to be interested in learning more about you. Perhaps searching for weaknesses or ... good lord. BUFFY: What? GILES: Well, I had no idea the profit margins on a shop like this were so high. Buffy and Willow exchange a look. GILES: Look at this! Uh, low overhead, out-of-state orders, international - it's no wonder there's never any trouble attracting new owners. (Looking around) A place like this is a virtual- BUFFY: Deathtrap? GILES: What? Well, uh, yes, there is that. But, uh, still... (puts book down and looks around some more) Location, pedestrian traffic... WILLOW: So what's the next step? GILES: (still gazing around) Buffy, you should begin looking for their lair straight away. BUFFY: I'll get Riley to help me patrol. WILLOW: Wait, aren't you forgetting something? GILES: Impressive square footage... He walks off as Buffy gives Willow a questioning look WILLOW: You're on Dawn duty. Buffy looks annoyed. BUFFY: Oh, duty. I gotta drop my sister back home. (eyes widening) My mother's gonna *k*ll* me. GILES: (wandering back into view) I bet the death rate keeps the rent down. (pauses) Oh, hello. Something's been taken from this case, look here. He goes over to a case where the glass has been knocked out. BUFFY: What'd they take? Willow looks in the inventory book. GILES: I should think an item of, of value, or-or power, possibly even a- WILLOW: A unicorn. 10-inch ceramic unicorn imported from Thailand. BUFFY: Was it valuable? Giles stares in puzzlement at the empty case. WILLOW: (OS) List price, $12.95. GILES: Which begs the question, what kind of an unholy creature fancies cheap tasteless statuary? Cut to head sh*t of Harmony. HARMONY: Okay, hi. First of all, I wanna thank everybody for a really successful raid on the magic shop last night. (applauding) Good job, minions! We see Harmony in the underground lair, wearing a skimpy black top and shiny gold pants. Four male vampires are standing around. They applaud along with her, a little uncertainly. They are Brad, Cyrus, Peaches, and Mort. Mort is very tall and large, whereas the others are fairly average-sized. HARMONY: Yes, you deserve it. Secondly... (turns away to reach for something) somebody remembered to pick me up the sweetest little unicorn! (Holds up the ceramic unicorn and smiles at Brad. The other vamps stare at him.) BRAD: (whispering to other vamps) What? HARMONY: Brad, guess someone was feeling guilty for standing me up in the tenth grade. (Admiring the unicorn) BRAD: (to other vamps) I, I had to get her something. She sired me. Peaches: (to Cyrus) Sire-whipped. We see Mort adding the unicorn to a large collection of other unicorn statues sitting on a table. HARMONY: Anyway, the books you guys brought me to help with the plan? Well, I've been skimming through the book jackets all morning, and let me tell you, there's some pretty useful stuff in there, so- Cyrus raises his hand. HARMONY: Yes, uh ... sorry, forgot your name. CYRUS: Cyrus. HARMONY: Cyrus, huh, right. Peaches' friend. (Peaches nods) What's your question? CYRUS: When are we gonna do it? HARMONY: Eww! That's rude! I barely know you! (Cyrus looks sideways at the other vamps in confusion) Uch, and you're a minion! MORT: He means the plan! When are we gonna do the plan? HARMONY: Ohhh! The plan! (laughs in embarrassment) Ah, well, first lemme tell you I'm really psyched about it and I hope the rest of you guys- MORT: (yelling) When?! HARMONY: (yelling) Tonight! (more calmly) We k*ll the slayer ... tonight. (Smiles in self-satisfaction.) The other vamps grin and nod at each other. Cut to Dawn sitting on her bed holding her diary, wearing the same clothes she was wearing at the magic shop. JOYCE VOICEOVER: So not only didn't you take your sister shopping for school supplies- Dawn listens in. Cut to Joyce's bedroom. While Buffy and Joyce argue, Joyce walks back and forth getting dressed and putting on jewelry. JOYCE: -you brought her to a m*rder scene. BUFFY: No, I didn't bring her to it, it ... just ... sorta came upon us. It's not like she saw the body or anything. JOYCE: Oh, well. That makes it all right then, doesn't it? BUFFY: No, that is not what I meant. JOYCE: I asked one favor of you, Buffy. To look after your sister. And now you want to unload her, so you and Riley can go out. BUFFY: To patrol. I'm working, it's not like I wanna go to the sock hop. JOYCE: I have to be at the pre-show reception in half an hour. Who's gonna watch Dawn? DAWN: (OS, calling from her room) I don't need anyone to watch me! BUFFY and JOYCE: (unison) Yes you do! Joyce walks into the bathroom. BUFFY: Wait. So what you're saying is if I can get an acceptable babysitter here before you leave, I can go patrol? DAWN: (OS) Babysitter? I'm fourteen! I'm old enough to *be* a babysitter! JOYCE: And who are you gonna get on such short notice? DAWN: (OS) I can take care of myself! BUFFY: (suddenly realizing) Xander. JOYCE: Xander? Sound of running footsteps. Joyce and Buffy look up as Dawn appears in the doorway. DAWN: Okay. Doorbell rings. Cut to Dawn running up to the front door, pausing to fix her hair. She's wearing a tight short dress. She opens the door. Xander stands there holding a pizza. XANDER: Dawn patrol. DAWN: (smiling) Hey. XANDER: Check this out, they put cheese on round bread. It's gonna be big. He comes in. Dawn watches him with a smile as Joyce appears, putting on a jacket. We see her and Xander talking, but we only hear Dawn's voiceover. DAWN VOICEOVER: Xander is so much cuter than anyone. And smarter too. He totally skipped college and got a job working construction. Which is so kind of ... deep, you know? He builds things. And he's brave too. Cut to Dawn in her pajamas, lying on the bed and writing in her diary. DAWN VOICEOVER: Just last week he went undercover to stop that Dracula guy. Note: the closed-captions provide the following dialogue during this scene which is not actually heard: JOYCE: Xander, thanks for doing this. XANDER: Total non-sweat. JOYCE: Again, thanks for coming. Oh, uh, here is my card. If you have any problems, you just call me on the cell phone. Cut back to downstairs as Joyce gives Xander her card. XANDER: Have fun. Not too much fun, though. (Although we can hear this line and it sounds like Xander's voice, we see his face, and it's clear that his lips aren't moving.) JOYCE: Dawn, be good. (Kisses Dawn goodbye) XANDER: Oh, we will. We're just gonna play with matches, run with scissors, take candy from ... some guy ... I don't know his name. (Winks at Dawn. Joyce leaves, and Dawn, smiling at Xander, starts to shut the door.) DAWN VOICEOVER: Xander treats everyone like an equal. He doesn't look down on people. Anya appears in the doorway, preventing Dawn from closing the door. Anya carries a stack of board-game boxes. ANYA: Hello there, little girl. Dawn's happy expression turns to one of dismay. DAWN VOICEOVER: Even when he should. ANYA: (talking as if to a very small child) We are gonna have fun, fun, fun. Look, I've got Monopoly, Clue, and ooh, the Game of Life! That sounds good! Dawn looks upset. She closes the door. TARA: (OS) Poor Dawn. Cut to Tara looking at herself in a mirror, which is above a sink with a towel rack beside it. TARA: She was pretty shaken up. WILLOW: Well, sure. Bloody death and stuff. The camera pans out and we see they are in a dorm room, unpacking. Willow goes to hang a painting while Tara is unpacking bathroom stuff from a box. WILLOW: She'll be okay. TARA: It's just ... I, I think it's tough for her, not being able to ... well, allowed to, you know, help. Willow tries the painting in a few places, then puts it atop a bureau and begins unpacking another box. WILLOW: Help? TARA: Oh, you. You guys. The slayer circle. WILLOW: Well, Buffy doesn't really need ... a-and I think Dawn's a little young. TARA: I-I know, you're right. It's just hard. That outsider feeling. Willow looks over at her. WILLOW: Tara ... you're not an outsider. TARA: Well, yeah. I kinda am. WILLOW: (walking toward her) No, you're not. TARA: Willow, it's okay. Where does this go? WILLOW: Somebody making you feel uncomfortable? Is it Xander? It's Xander, isn't it? TARA: No, Xander's a sweetie. WILLOW: It's Giles! It's 'cause he's ... British and doesn't understand about stuff. TARA: It's no one. (Continues taking stuff out of the box) You guys all just have this really tight bond. It's-it's hard to break into that. And I'm not even sure I want to. Willow walks up behind Tara and puts her arms around Tara's waist, resting her chin on Tara's shoulder. WILLOW: I'm sure. Tara puts her hands over Willow's. WILLOW: You're completely one of the g*ng now. Everyone accepts that. Closeup of their faces as they both smile. WILLOW: You're one of the good guys. Tara's smile disappears and she pulls away, disengaging herself from Willow's embrace. Willow doesn't notice her expression. WILLOW: Maybe I can talk to the rest of the group and we can do something, some kind of scooby initiation. (They both return to what they were doing) Oh! Maybe we could wear some kind of special ring that identifies us as members. TARA: I don't think so. But maybe something like that would be nice for Dawn. I do worry about her sometimes. WILLOW: You don't have to. She's got big sister Buffy happily looking out for her. Cut to Buffy and Riley walking through a graveyard. BUFFY: So then my mom goes off on me about how I'm supposed to watch out for Dawn and make sure that she's shielded from something that might upset her. RILEY: Like d*ad shopkeepers. BUFFY: She didn't see him! A foot, maybe. A d*ad foot, which is bad, okay, but hello, I see d*ad stuff *all* the time, and you don't see Mom shielding me. RILEY: So you want your mother to give you space to be a slayer, and shield you from it at the same time. BUFFY: Thank you, logic boy. Did I mention this is a rant? Sense really has no place in it. RILEY: I'm getting that. (sighs) What's the deal, Buffy? You seem really- Buffy stops him by putting out a hand. She stops walking and looks intently to her right. BUFFY: Oh, trash can. From a distance it looked kinda- RILEY: Tense. BUFFY: Nooo, I-I was gonna say brown, squat, shadowy... RILEY: Uh-uh. Back to what I was saying before we were rudely att*cked by nothing. You seem really tense. BUFFY: (shrugs) Yeah, there's a new vampire g*ng in town. RILEY: I mean domestically tense. You're on Dawn's case a lot. BUFFY: I guess. It's just... (sighs) I don't know, it ... I know it's always been this way. She's the baby. But for some reason lately, it's just really getting to me. She's *always* around. RILEY: Well, yeah. You're like her idol, Buffy. BUFFY: Her idol? I don't think so, unless you like to spill things on your idol's new leather pants, and- RILEY: You know what I mean. You have super powers ... and college ... a studly yet sensitive boyfriend... BUFFY: And a pesky life-or-death job that I can't quit or even take a break from. RILEY: She doesn't get the sacrifices. She's a kid. BUFFY: And that's what bugs. *She* gets to be a kid, and she acts like it's the biggest burden in the world. Sometimes *I* would like to just curl up in Mom's lap and not worry about the fate of the world. I'd like to be the one who's protected, who's waited on- Cut to Joyce's house. DAWN: -hand and foot, getting her own way. Always the favorite. We see that they're playing the Game of Life around a low table in the living room, surrounded by various junk food. Dawn is eating a bowl of ice cream. XANDER: You nut. Your mom loves you both equally. But if I'm wrong, I find money usually helps tip the scale. Slip Joyce a 10 or a 20 once in a while. Then we'll see who's the favorite. Dawn smiles. DAWN VOICEOVER: He says I'm like a kid sister... XANDER: (looking at the game board) Here comes the judge! DAWN VOICEOVER: ...but sometimes when he looks at me, I feel like he sees me as I am... Xander gives Dawn a big goofy grin. DAWN VOICEOVER: ...as a woman. We see that Dawn has chocolate ice cream smeared all over her face. ANYA: Oh, crap. (slaps down her cards) Look at this! Now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage... XANDER: That means you're winning. ANYA: Really? XANDER: Yes. Cash equals good. ANYA: Ooh! (claps her hands in excitement) I'm so pleased. (Scoops up the plastic markers that represent children) Can I trade in the children for more cash? Dawn gives her a disgusted look. Suddenly something smashes in the window, showering them with broken glass. They all duck behind the table. Dawn shrieks. Xander gets up and goes to see what it was. Anya follows. Xander picks up a rock with a note tied around it. He unties the string, hands the rock to Anya, and reads the note. Dawn stays on the floor watching. XANDER: "Slayer, come out and die." We see the note, written in large letters. The "i" in "die" is dotted with a smiley-face. HARMONY: (OS) I'm waiting for you, Buffy! Xander goes over to the hole in the window and peeks out. He sees Harmony, surrounded by her four minions, who carry w*apon. Harmony looks annoyed. HARMONY: (yells) I know you're in there! Cut to Xander standing in the doorway, holding the front door open. HARMONY: (OS) What do you mean, she's not in there? Xander looks unimpressed. HARMONY: She has to be. I'm calling her out! We see Anya and Dawn a few feet behind Xander. XANDER: Then I bet she'll be real sorry she missed your call. 'Fraid you and your buddies are gonna have to come back and be k*lled by Buffy later. HARMONY: (scornful) They're not my buddies. They're my minions. XANDER: They're ... what now? HARMONY: Minions! You know, lackeys? They work for me. Xander looks skeptical. Then he starts laughing. HARMONY: What's so funny?! XANDER: Nothing! What could be funny, just "Look out, it's a terrifying Harmony g*ng, ooh!" (Laughing) HARMONY: Stop laughing! (Tries to att*ck him, but she can't go past the doorway. Dawn ducks behind Anya. Xander continues laughing) XANDER: I just, I just can't picture anyone pathetic enough to be following- (Looks at the minions again and pretends to be shocked) Is that Brad Konig? Huh! Hey Brad, who'd have thought when you were beating up kids in gym class, you'd end up Harmony's lapdog? BRAD: Screw you, Harris. HARMONY: You should know all about being somebody's lapdog. I hear you were a good little puppy for Dracula. Anya and Dawn look insulted on Xander's behalf. XANDER: You heard wrong. HARMONY: (laughs) Don't feel bad. I hear that mind-control thing he does works really well on weak fraidy-cat losers. You didn't stand a chance. DAWN: (still behind Anya) Shut up! XANDER: Dawn, I'm handling this. Shut up, Harmony! HARMONY: Make me. XANDER: Fraid I don't feel like getting into another hair-pulling contest with you. HARMONY: You're the hair-puller, you big girl! DAWN: Oh yeah? Come inside and say that! Xander will kick your- ANYA: Dawn, no! Xander makes his "uh-oh" face. Harmony morphs into vampire face and lunges at Xander, shoving him to the floor as Dawn shrieks. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Harmony is on top of Xander, holding him down as he struggles. Dawn shrieks and pushes past Anya to run up the stairs. The minions rush to the door but can't enter. XANDER: The invitation was for one. The minions snarl. Anya turns and runs into another room. HARMONY: Not such a pushover any more, am I? (Punches Xander in the face a few times) ANYA: (running around) Slayer's house have more w*apon lying around. (Picks up a lamp) HARMONY: I've been working out, learning some new tricks, honing my - She bends to bite Xander as Anya runs up with the lamp. Harmony straightens up and backhands Anya, breaking the lamp and sending Anya flying. HARMONY: Instincts. Xander kicks Harmony in the stomach and she flies backward out the front door, crashing into the minions. They all fall down the porch stairs. Xander and Anya rush to close the door and lean against it, looking out at the vampires. HARMONY: This isn't over, Xander! I'll be back! XANDER: And we'll be ready for you! Stakes ... crosses ... the whole enchilada. He and Anya pull their heads away from the windows. XANDER: Buffy is not going to be happy about this. Anya shakes her head in agreement. Cut to Buffy laughing hysterically. BUFFY: Harmony ... (laughing) Harmony has minions? We see Buffy and Riley in the kitchen laughing, along with Anya and Xander, who aren't laughing. XANDER: Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction. BUFFY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. (Clear throat and stops laughing) It's just ... Harmony has minions! (Starts laughing again) XANDER: And Ruffles have ridges. Uh, Buffy, there's actually a more serious side to all this. BUFFY: I sure hope so, 'cause I'm having trouble breathing. (Giggles, then stops and takes a deep breath) What is it? XANDER: (nervously, looking at Anya) Well, she did come here to k*ll you. Buffy bursts out laughing again. Riley also snickers. RILEY: (chuckling) Buffy, come on, they have k*lled once that we know of. She could be a thr*at to you. (Buffy laughs harder) ANYA: Especially now that she can enter your house any time she wants. Buffy stops laughing for real this time. BUFFY: What? Xander and Anya fidget. XANDER: Uh, yeah, actually, she -- Harmony -- kind of happened to sort of get an invite. BUFFY: You guys can't invite her in. I mean, only someone who lives here can- (The clue hits. Xander nods. Buffy frowns.) BUFFY: (quietly) Where is she? ANYA: In her room. Look, I think she's still pretty freaked out. BUFFY: Dawn! (starts to stomp out. Xander stops her) XANDER: Buff, it was an accident. She didn't mean it. BUFFY: Oh, well that just makes it okay then, doesn't it? (Stomps out) XANDER: (calling after her) No, but believe me, nobody feels worse than her right now. Cut to Harmony and minions walking through a dark graveyard. HARMONY: What a total disaster. My first plan! I so wanted it to go well. Plus, I didn't even get to k*ll stupid Xander Harris! God, that was so embarrassing. MORT: We'll go back later. HARMONY: No! It's no good. Buffy's gonna expect us now. The whole surprise is blown. PEACHES: (to Cyrus) Who're you growling at? CYRUS: Not me, my stomach. If I don't eat somebody soon, I-I'll get dizzy. PEACHES: Let's go back to the lair. That census taker may not be empty yet. BRAD: Not me. This night is young, and I want some action. A hand taps Brad on the shoulder, and when he turns, it punches him in the face. He goes down. The other three minions turn. SPIKE: Happy to oblige. Here I thought it was gonna be a slow night. (puffing on a cigarette, sizing up the minions) Step on up, kiddies. Thrashings for all. The minions start forward. HARMONY: Stop! She emerges from behind Mort. Spike looks surprised. SPIKE: Well. Hello, Harm. HARMONY: Spikey. I mean, Spike. SPIKE: Long time. You look good. HARMONY: I feel good. SPIKE: (smirks) I remember. They both grin. HARMONY: How've you been? SPIKE: (shrugs) Not bad. Just got a brand-new telly in my crypt, so... MORT: (walking up behind Harmony) Why are you talking to him? HARMONY: It's okay, we used to go steady. (sighs) Spike, Mort. Mort, this is- MORT: I know who he is. He kills our kind. HARMONY: Oh yeah! (to Spike)What's up with that? SPIKE: (shrugs) Bloke's gotta have a hobby, don't he? Piss off, Mort. Mort growls and steps forward, but Harmony stops him. HARMONY: Mort, just give us ... a couple minutes, 'kay? (Turns back to Spike) He's really testy. Some of us were thinking of voting him out of the g*ng. (She and Spike step aside where the minions can't overhear.) SPIKE: g*ng? HARMONY: Oh, yeah. I've got my own g*ng now. SPIKE: (checking out the minions) Is that what those circus freaks are? HARMONY: Uh huh. I mean ... shut up! (Spike grins) We're gonna k*ll the slayer. SPIKE: Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one, or at least get your own tune. HARMONY: I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework, reading books and stuff. SPIKE: What, Evil for Dummies? (walks around her) Look at you, all puffed up and mighty, thinking you're the new Big Bad. It's, uh ... well, let's face it, it's adorable. HARMONY: You just can't stand the fact that I'm my own person now. There comes a time in every woman's life when she realizes she needs to take the next step. I've taken it. I've found the real me... and I like her. Spike moves closer to her during this speech until their faces are inches away. SPIKE: Hope you'll be very happy together. In the meantime, save slayer slaying for the professionals. HARMONY: (sighs) You'll see. Buffy'll be d*ad by sunrise. I've got a plan. SPIKE: (chuckling) Lemme guess. Snatch one of her friends, use 'em as bait, lead her into a trap. That sort of thing? HARMONY: (bluffing) No! Much, much better one. (Spike looks skeptical.) I'm not gonna tell you! SPIKE: Thought as much. Best of luck. Let me know how this arch-villain thing works out for you. (Backs away and walks off) HARMONY: I'll do that. (shouting after him) And after Buffy is gone? I'm gonna k*ll everybody in this town that was ever mean to me ... Spike! Spike waves a hand over his shoulder as he walks off. Harmony sighs, then turns back to the minions. HARMONY: (smiling) Guys! New plan. Cut to Buffy laying out a huge array of stakes and crosses on her bed as Riley watches. RILEY: That's a lot of w*apon for somebody you weren't sweating twenty minutes ago. BUFFY: Well, that was before Dawn gave Harmony a backstage pass to k*ll us all in our sleep. XANDER: Buff, I left word with Willow. She'll come do a return engagement of her uninvitation spell. She probably still has the stuff from last week. And bang, boom, you're back in the Fortress of Solitude. All better. BUFFY: No. Not all better. I mean, it's not like Dawn hasn't grown up in this house knowing all the rules. Cut to the hallway where we see Dawn listening in. BUFFY: (OS) Especially the biggie! Numero one-oh. "Do not invite bloodsucking d*ad people into our house." (Dawn rolls her eyes) Cut back to the bedroom. BUFFY: I mean, please. I would never have Harmony over even when she was alive. XANDER: People slip, Buffy. Your mom did. She invited in the mas- (Catches himself) Dracula. In for coffee. Buffy and Riley give Xander an odd look. BUFFY: Well, that was different. I mean, she ... He would ... She was lonely, and, and, and she didn't know he was a vampire. *The* vampire. Meanwhile, Dawn knew exactly what Harmony was and she rolled out the welcome mat for her. Cut back to Dawn in the hallway. RILEY: (OS) She's just a kid. (Dawn rolls her eyes) Cut back to the bedroom. BUFFY: You know, will everybody please stop saying that? I was just a kid when I met my first vampire, but somehow, I still managed to remember the rules. RILEY: You had to. It was your job. BUFFY: (putting on a jacket) No. No, it was common sense. But nobody expects even that much from Dawn, do they? No, she has to be protected and coddled from the big bad world, well you know what? We are doing nothing but turning her into a little idiot who is going to get us all k*lled. Cut back to the hallway. Dawn makes an unhappy face. Cut back to the bedroom. Xander and Riley look displeased, but they don't argue any more. Cut back to the hallway. Dawn turns and walks away. Cut back to the bedroom. Buffy sighs and speaks more quietly. BUFFY: She just has to be more careful. Now, I can't be there to protect her 24 hours a day. I-I just can't. Cut to Dawn running through the downstairs part of the house, passing by Anya in the kitchen. ANYA: Hey! Don't! Dawn runs out the back door and Anya follows. ANYA: Dawn! Dawn stops a few feet outside the door and puts her hands to her face, as if trying not to cry. Anya grabs her shoulder, startling her. ANYA: What do you think you're doing? DAWN: Leave me alone. ANYA: I will after you come back inside the house. (Grabs Dawn and starts shoving her back toward the door.) DAWN: Let go of me! (breaks free) ANYA: No, it's not safe out here! Dawn shrieks as Mort steps from behind a bush, wearing his vamp face. MORT: You got that right. He hits Anya, sending her flying back inside, where she falls on the kitchen floor unconscious. Mort grabs Dawn and passes her to the other minions, who herd her away shrieking. Mort pauses to look at Anya lying on the floor, then follows the other minions. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Xander, Riley and Buffy come down the stairs and find Anya on the kitchen floor. XANDER: Anya! Xander and Riley kneel to lift Anya up. Buffy goes to look out the door. ANYA: (half conscious) Oh, vampires took... RILEY: This head wound looks bad. We gotta get her to the hospital. Buffy goes to the phone. ANYA: (murmuring) They took her... XANDER: Shh, shh. ANYA: Dawn. BUFFY: Dawn? Wha-what about Dawn? ANYA: She ran out ... they took her ... vampires... BUFFY: Oh god. Oh god. Uh, take care of Anya. (Hands the phone to Riley and runs out) RILEY: Buffy! Cut to the underground lair. The minions look a little impatient. HARMONY: All right, once again, nice work, minionators. I'm really, really proud of you guys. (Mort comes in) Ah, Mort. I trust you made our guest ... comfortable? MORT: (confused) You told me to chain her to a wall. HARMONY: Yeah, I know, I'm being, you know, sarcastic or whatever? (Mort looks blank) Anyway... (turns back to the other minions) I'm feeling really good about this new plan, people. I think it's a winner. CYRUS: When do we eat the girl? HARMONY: We don't. Not yet. CYRUS: Why not? HARMONY: Because! That's not the plan! (sighs) Do I have to go over the plan again? We use the sister as bait. We send Buffy a note- PEACHES: More notes? HARMONY: (annoyed) We send Buffy a note, telling her that if she wants to see her sister again, she has to come alone to a place we choose. She comes, we jump her, we k*ll her. (Peaches nods.) MORT: So it doesn't really matter if we're actually holding the slayer's sister, just as long as she thinks we are. She'll walk into the trap. HARMONY: I guess. CYRUS: So it won't make any difference if we eat the girl now. HARMONY: We're not eating the girl. PEACHES: Why not? HARMONY: Cause! That's not the plan. All the minions look dissatisfied. Cut to a TV showing mostly static. Spike bangs on it and fiddles with the knobs and antenna for a while, with no results. SPIKE: Bollocks. Gonna have to pinch one of those satellite dishes. He looks up as the door bangs open and Buffy strides in. SPIKE: Well, speaking of dishes, to what do I owe this unpleasant- (Buffy hits him in the face) Ow! Bloody hell! BUFFY: (grabbing his shirt) I don't have time for banter, Spike. Where's Harmony's lair? SPIKE: Haven't seen her in months. How should I know- (Buffy hits him in the face again) Ow! BUFFY: Where is she? SPIKE: At least lay off the nose. (Buffy pulls back her fist) Okay! Okay! Used to have a cave in the north woods. About forty meters past the overpass construction site. Buffy punches him in the nose again, then lets go and turns to leave. SPIKE: Ow! I was telling you the truth! BUFFY: (leaving) I know. Spike rubs his nose and glares after her. Cut to the lair. HARMONY: They don't respect me. They pretend they do, but deep down they think I'm nothing. We see that she's talking to Dawn, who's chained to a wall with her wrists at head height. HARMONY: I mean, I'm the one who put this group together. Me! But they treat me like I don't even matter. Do you have any idea what that feels like? DAWN: A little. HARMONY: (whining) They have no idea how much pressure I'm under. I have to make all the hard decisions. And it's hard! Dawn gasps. Harmony turns to see Mort leading the other minions in, all wearing vamp faces. HARMONY: Excuse me, I didn't hear anybody knock. MORT: We've been talking it over, and we decided we don't like this plan. PEACHES: (scornfully) Except for Brad. He abstained. HARMONY: (angry) Oh really? You have a plan you like better? MORT: We're gonna feed on the girl and k*ll you. Dawn looks scared. MORT: Maybe not in that order. HARMONY: I don't think I like your attitude, Mort. (to the others) k*ll him for me. The other minions don't move. Mort smirks. HARMONY: All right. You're all on my list. (Looks nervous as Mort advances toward her) Th-this isn't fair. Okay, so things haven't been perfect. I just need a little more time to grow into my leadership role. MORT: Time's up. He grabs her by the throat. Dawn watches fearfully as Cyrus walks toward her. DAWN: (nervous) Touch me and my sister's gonna k*ll you. Cyrus smirks and reaches out one finger. He pokes her in the shoulder and laughs. The other minions laugh too. Suddenly the point of a stake sh**t through Cyrus from behind. He stops laughing and turns to dust. Mort lets go of Harmony and they both turn, as do the other minions, who are holding w*apon. BUFFY: Can't say she didn't warn him. HARMONY: (to Mort) And you didn't like the plan. BUFFY: Dawn, close your eyes. Dawn does so. HARMONY: So, slayer, at last we meet. BUFFY: We've met, Harmony, you halfwit. HARMONY: I'm the halfwit? Um, excuse me, but look who's fallen into my- Peaches att*cks Buffy with a large axe. She ducks his swing and stakes him. As he turns to dust, Buffy grabs the axe from him, Brad att*cks, and Buffy chops off his head. Dawn scrunches her eyes together tightly. HARMONY: Trap. BUFFY: Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad ... you *suck*. During this speech we see Mort moving around behind Buffy. Dawn opens her eyes and sees him. DAWN: Buffy, watch out! Buffy turns and swings the axe but Mort knocks it out of her grasp and knocks her down. HARMONY: Ooh, good sh*t, Mort, I think you got her on the- Mort glares at her. Harmony laughs nervously, turns and runs away. Mort swings at Buffy; she punches him, grabs a large stick and hits him with it. He punches her. She ducks a few more punches and lands one on him. sh*t of Dawn struggling against her chains as sounds of battle continue. Buffy kicks Mort a few times, he hits her a few times and she goes down. He picks her up and throws her. She gets up and they exchange more punches and kicks. Mort grabs Buffy by the neck and lifts her off the ground. She looks around and notices a large unicorn statue nearby. She shoves Mort away, lands on the ground, grabs the unicorn and s*ab him through the heart with it. He turns to dust. Buffy scowls at the unicorn, then shrugs and puts it down. Buffy strides toward Dawn, picking up the axe along the way. BUFFY: You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home. (Strikes at the chains with the axe) DAWN: Yeah, well ... I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me. BUFFY: Fine. I'll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night, (another strike at the chains) that you got Anya hurt, (another strike) invited a vampire in, (strike) got kidnapped... Cut to exterior sh*t of Joyce's house, night. Cut to interior of the kitchen. Buffy and Dawn enter, moving quietly, looking around guiltily. Just as Buffy closes the back door, Joyce comes in the front door. JOYCE: Sorry it ran so late. Everything, uh, go okay? Buffy and Dawn look at each other. BUFFY: Yeah. Yeah, you know ... I got the vamps and we watched some TV. JOYCE: (smiles) Well, I know at least one of us who's supposed to be in bed by now. Dawn obediently kisses Joyce and exits. JOYCE: Night. BUFFY: So how was the exhibit? JOYCE: (opening the fridge) Oh, it was fantastic. We see Dawn looking back at them as she walks toward the stairs. DAWN VOICEOVER: Buffy probably would've gotten in way more trouble than me anyway. Cut to the magic shop, day. Dawn is sitting at a table writing in her diary. DAWN VOICEOVER: But I guess it was pretty okay of her not to say anything to mom. Anya's gonna be okay, and Xander wasn't mad at me. So stuff mostly worked out. The camera pans over Dawn to the counter, where we see Buffy leaning against it. BUFFY: Giles, are you sure about this? Giles stands up behind the counter. GILES: Why wouldn't I be? BUFFY: Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer ... and, have you ever run a store before? GILES: I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don't return. (comes out from behind counter) It'll give me focus. Increase my resources. And it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. (he and Buffy walk toward the back) There may even be some space for you to train in the back. BUFFY: Boy, you've really thought this through. How bored *were* you last year? GILES: I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it. (Exits) Buffy follows him out, laughing. A moment later she reappears in the doorway. BUFFY: Don't. Break. Anything. Dawn gives her an exasperated look. Buffy goes out, then comes back in again. BUFFY: Just don't *touch* anything. (exits) DAWN VOICEOVER: Not that Buffy's really changed at all. Like she ever would. Buffy reappears in the doorway. BUFFY: What you're doing right now, not moving? (Makes the "okay" sign with her fingers) Good. Keep doing that. (Exits) DAWN: She still thinks I'm Little Miss Nobody, just her dumb little sister. Boy, is she in for a surprise.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x02 - Real Me"}

foreverdreaming

Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Dawn sitting on her bed writing in her diary. DAWN VOICEOVER: No one knows who I am. Not the real me. No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a slayer. BUFFY: I know it's always been this way. She's the baby. sh*t of Dawn in the shadows. BUFFY: But for some reason lately, it's just really getting to me. RILEY: Well, yeah. You're like her idol, Buffy. Anya grabbing Dawn's shoulder. ANYA: What do you think you're doing? DAWN: Leave me alone. ANYA: I will after you come back inside the house. (Grabs Dawn and starts shoving her back toward the door.) DAWN: Let go of me! (breaks free) ANYA: No, it's not safe out here! sh*t of vampire growling. sh*t of vampire hitting Anya, who goes flying into Joyce's kitchen and collapses on the floor. XANDER: Anya! Xander and Riley helping Anya up. RILEY: This head wound looks bad. We gotta get her to the hospital. Fade in on Buffy, Riley, Xander, and Anya sitting in Xander's basement. The guys are sitting on the sofa, with the girls sitting on the floor each in front of her respective boyfriend. They're watching TV, except Buffy, who has a book in her lap and is studying it. Xander's holding the TV remote. Anya's right arm is in a sling. XANDER: Wish I had something food-like to offer you guys, but the hot plate's out of commission. ANYA: We think the cat peed on it. On the TV, one Asian guy screams, and a bunch of other Asian guys perform kung-fu on each other. XANDER: I do have Spaghetti-O's. Set 'em on top of the dryer and you're a fluff cycle away from lukewarm goodness. (Gestures at the dryer) RILEY: Hmm. Yeah, I had dryer food for lunch. Upstairs we hear a door slam. XANDER: (looking up) Ah, I guess the folks are back. We can hear voices yelling at each other. Xander, Anya, and Riley look uncomfortable. Buffy is oblivious. XANDER: No, no, I was wrong. Just incompetent burglars. More yelling from upstairs. Then there's a bang (another door slamming?). Plaster dust from the ceiling drifts down onto Anya. XANDER: Yeah, maybe it's definitely time to start looking for a new place. Something a little nicer. Buffy, you've been to Hell. They have one-bedrooms, right? Riley laughs, then notices Buffy isn't paying attention. RILEY: Hey Buffy, how's that book? Full of zippy dates and zesty names? BUFFY: (not listening) I'm fine. Riley leans forward, reaching his arms over Buffy's shoulders and placing his palms on the book pages. BUFFY: Heyyy. I'm enjoying the studying. RILEY: Who are you lately? Give it up and watch the movie. BUFFY: I guess it has been a long day with the crusades. I can take a little break from the v*olence for some (looks up at TV) ooh, fighting. Onscreen, the kung-fu guys argue. Their mouths move, and we hear the English that has been badly dubbed in. XANDER: Incompetently-dubbed kung fu. Our most valuable Chinese import. ANYA: Much more durable than their hot plates. Riley leans forward to rub Buffy's shoulders. RILEY: Just relax. BUFFY: Mm ... mm. That feels good. Xander looks at them, cracks his knuckles, and puts his hands on Anya's shoulders. ANYA: Ow! What are you doing? I have a dislocated shoulder! (Xander stops rubbing. Riley stops rubbing Buffy's shoulders too.) I'm trying to concentrate on the kicking movie. BUFFY: Hey! Rubbing went away. Riley starts rubbing again. RILEY: Oh ... sorry, I got caught up in the action. (gesturing at TV) BUFFY: Yeah, it's pretty good. On screen, the fighting continues. BUFFY: Oh, give me a break! This is all wrong. See, first you would get the big guy, with a flying kick. Then you would take out all the little ones, bam, ba- see, now with the flying kick. (scornfully) From a d*ad stop! What's powering it, raw enthusiasm? RILEY: Hey Buff, maybe you oughta leave the work behind sometimes. You're not always on slayer duty, you know? BUFFY: It would drive you crazy if we were watching an army movie and they were all saluting backwards and ... invading all willy-nilly. More shouting and banging from upstairs. Xander and Anya shift uncomfortably. Riley coughs. BUFFY: And anyway, I mean, you know, you can't blame me for being critical. Willow's the same way when we watch a, a movie about witches, right Xander? XANDER: (distracted by the noise from upstairs) What? Oh yeah, she's all like, "What's that, a cauldron? Who uses a cauldron any more?" Cut to a dark lair filled with steam or smoke. Cheesy dramatic music. A demon is tending to a huge cauldron full of bubbling yellow liquid. Steam rises from it. The demon pulls the hood of his cloak back, so we can see he has brownish skin with cracks through which yellowish light(?) shows. His eyes are sunken and red, and his voice is very deep. TOTH: The last step in thy forging is my pain ... the price with which I purchase ... the death of the slayer. He has some kind of rod or stick in his hand. He plunges it into the cauldron, along with his hand. He screams in pain. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Michael Bailey Smith, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by James A. Contner. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on a nice modern apartment building surrounded by bushes and grass. We see a "For Rent" sign outside. Cut to interior hallway. WILLOW: If you get the apartment, this'll be your hallway. We see Willow, Anya, Xander, Buffy, and Riley walking down the hall. Xander wears a yellow T-shirt with a brightly flowered Hawaiian shirt over it. Anya still has her arm in the sling. WILLOW: We'll walk down this hall, and we'll say, "La la, I'm on my way to Xander's." BUFFY: Just warning you, Xander, I probably won't be doing that. RILEY: Really? I will. XANDER: Hey, we're just lookin'. Rent's way high, so don't get your hopes all carbonated. ANYA: But you have references. XANDER: No, I have Albert, which is me doing an important voice. (Does important voice) 'Xander Harris? An excellent tenant. And a very nice-looking fellow.' Anya opens a door and they walk into the apartment. It's large and spacious. WILLOW: Whoa! Big! BUFFY: It's nice. And not subterranean. It's very, uh, above-terranean. Xander looks less than thrilled. ANYA: I want it. Pay anything. WOMAN: (OS) Xander Harris? The real-estate manager woman enters, smiling at Riley. RILEY: Uh, no, Riley Finn. (shakes her hand) This is Xander. Xander wipes his hand on his shirt before holding it out. XANDER: Hey. He and the manager shake hands. MANAGER: Ah. XANDER: I brought my friends. MANAGER: I see. XANDER: They wouldn't always be around. WILLOW: But we're clean and-and quiet. Xander looks nervous. The Manager looks uncertain. ANYA: (Standing in the living room, gesturing around) We can have the scooby meetings in the living room, and-and Giles can explain the boring things over there. WILLOW: (going into kitchen) Oh, there's a microwave! It would be like having hot and cold running popcorn. MANAGER: Phone and electricity are hooked up. There's a private balcony, ceiling fan, closet space... (sees Xander opening a door) And that's the bedroom. Xander opens the door and finds Buffy and Riley sitting on the bed, smooching. XANDER: Guys, you can't save it for the bedroom? Buffy and Riley look around pointedly. XANDER: Okay, good point. He walks away. In the background we see Buffy and Riley getting up. MANAGER: I brought an application for you to fill out. (giving Xander a piece of paper) XANDER: An application? I can't just ... tell you my references? Because there's Albert. MANAGER: We run your credit check based on the application. XANDER: Oh! Credit check. (nervously, to the others) Little check on the credit. See how credible my checks are. (Laughs nervously. The others laugh politely.) MANAGER: And we'll be asking for first, last, security, and a small cleaning deposit. The total's at the bottom of the sheet there. Xander looks at the sheet. Riley, Buffy, and Willow lean in to look too. Anya comes over and glances briefly at the sheet. ANYA: (to Manager) He'll take it. (to Xander) Xander, go get the furniture, I'll wait here. (to Manager) He's been living in his drunken parents' basement where something urinated on the hot plate. XANDER: (laughs nervously) Anya, can we talk quietly over there? (to Manager) Excuse us. He pulls Anya aside, leaving the other three with the Manager. They smile nervously at her. RILEY: Uh, we, uh ... we like the ceiling fan. WILLOW: Yes. It's very, you know, kind of old south. BUFFY: But without the unpleasant sl*very associations. ANYA: (OS) But why can't we have it? Cut over to Xander and Anya across the room. XANDER: (quietly) I told you, my construction job is ending, and I won't have any more money coming in. And by the way, you do have your own place. ANYA: So when I wanna visit you, I have to be in that awful basement? XANDER: Not forever. Just until things come together. ANYA: Which is when, Xander? 'Cause right now, things are looking pretty untogether, and you can't expect me just to wait around for- (Her voice rises and the others try not to notice) XANDER: Quiet, please. Anya, what is this? What's going on with you? ANYA: (loudly) What's going on with me is my arm hurts ... and I'm tired ... and I don't really feel like taking a tour of beautiful things I can't have. She stalks out. Manager looks a little suspicious. The others smile gamely. XANDER: (with a big fake smile) I guess I'll just start on that application. I think you'll like it. I've been told I have lovely penmanship. He takes the application, puts it on a counter and begins filling it out. Manager watches, looking skeptical. Cut to exterior sh*t of the magic shop. Cut to inside. Giles is surrounded by boxes, looking at one. GILES: (to himself) "Miscellaneous curses." (laughs, picks up something unidentifiable from the box) Brilliant. Be lucky if I don't curse my hands off at the wrist. He picks up the box, turns, and is confronted by Toth. GILES: Oh! TOTH: (raising his stick) The slayer is not here. Giles grabs something out of the box and holds it up toward Toth. GILES: Rabbit's foot, no, wait... (Tosses it aside and looks in the box for something else. Toth brushes the box out of Giles' hands. Giles gasps and holds up a wooden statue about a foot and a half high.) TOTH: That is a fertility god. (Giles looks at it in dismay) Feeble man, you are not going to distract me- Giles hits him in the head with the statue. He reels backward. Giles hits him with the statue a few more times, then Toth shoves Giles, and he falls into a pile of boxes. TOTH: (pointing the stick at Giles) You are not the slayer. (Giles rolls over and looks up at him) You do not concern me. Toth turns and walks out, his black cape flowing behind him. Giles watches, stunned, then lets his head drop back onto the floor with a groan. Cut to a sh*t of Giles standing, holding the statue, making hitting motions. GILES: Like this ... and this ... and this... The camera follows him as he moves across the magic shop floor, and we see Riley, Buffy, Willow, and Xander. The girls sit on the floor with books in their laps. The guys are standing around watching Giles demonstrate what happened. RILEY: That thing's pretty heavy. WILLOW: That's Oofdar. Goddess of childbirth. She's got some nice heft to her. BUFFY: How badly did you hurt him? GILES: Well, hurt, uh ... maybe not ... hurt. WILLOW: Well, I-I'm sure he was startled. GILES: Uh, yes, yes, I'd imagine it gave him, uh, rather a turn. BUFFY: (grinning) He ran away, huh? GILES: Um, sort of more ... uh ... turned and swept out majestically, I suppose. He said I didn't concern him. BUFFY: So a mythic triumph over a completely indifferent foe? GILES: (insulted) Well, I'm not d*ad or unconscious, so I say bravo for me. WILLOW: (holding up a book) Some good demons in this one. See if your guy's in here. Giles walks over to take the book. XANDER: So you bought the magic shop and you were att*cked before it opened. Who's up for a swingin' chorus of the "We told you so" symphony? RILEY: (hefting the Oofdar statue) Owning this place does seem kinda dangerous. (takes a few experimental swings) GILES: (looking up from the book) Toth. RILEY: What? BUFFY: He called you a Toth. It's a British expression. It means, like, moron. GILES: No, Toth is the name of the demon. (Sees Xander holding a crystal) Be careful with that. (Xander looks around at the others, puts the crystal down carefully) Ancient demon. Very strong. Last survivor of the Tothric clan. It also says that for a demon he's unusually sophisticated. BUFFY: Sophisticated. So I should discuss men's fashions with him before I chop his head off? GILES: (exasperated) They're referring to the fact that he does not fight bare-handed. He uses tools, devices. Oh, he's also supposed to be very focused. And since he mentioned the slayer, I think we know what the focus is. RILEY: He mentioned Buffy? Where do we find him, and how hard can I k*ll him? GILES: (consulting book) Well, there's no mention of the types of places he might frequent, but ... (closes book and stands up) I have an idea. (Walks around, talking thoughtfully) He had a very specific olfactory presence. XANDER: Well, I guess we're off to the olfactory. I hate that place. (Everyone rolls their eyes at him) I'm joking, I know what it means. He smelled. (uncertainly) Right? WILLOW: Some demon rituals involve anointing with oils. Was it sort of ... sandalwoody? GILES: Um ... not even remotely. But he was very, um... distinctive. Cut to exterior location, night. Giles, Xander, Buffy, Riley, and Willow walk along cautiously. Buffy carries a large axe. BUFFY: The city dump. Where smells go to relax and be themselves. RILEY: People say they're recycling. (shakes head) They're not recycling. (Xander pats him on the shoulder) WILLOW: I found a spell so you can't smell anything, but it does it by taking your nose off, so ... no. They hear noises and see someone rooting around in the trash. RILEY: What are *you* doing here, Spike? (We see that Riley has a crossbow) Spike straightens up, holding a mannequin arm. SPIKE: Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap. What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I? (Holds up a small lamp in the other hand) WILLOW: Very pretty. Spike nods and turns to put the arm and the lamp in a shopping cart nearby. GILES: Spike, um ... we're looking for a demon, um... tall, robed, skin sort of hanging off. Deep voice? SPIKE: You mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one? (Pointing behind them) They all turn and see Toth standing there. He points his stick at them. f*re flashes out of it and they all duck just in time. RILEY: Take cover! SPIKE: Big guy! Kick her ass! Toth fires again. Buffy and Xander duck aside, and the bolt shatters Spike's lamp which he's still holding. SPIKE: Oh, very nice! I was on your side! (angrily tosses the pieces of lamp aside) Toth fires again. XANDER: Watch out! Xander thrusts Buffy behind him. The blast hits him full in the chest and he flies backward into a pile of trash. The others rush over. RILEY: Hey, you okay? XANDER: I'm okay. WILLOW: Buffy, he's gone. XANDER: I'm fine. RILEY: Easy, easy. Riley and Giles help Xander up. He groans. RILEY: He disappeared. They look around. No sign of Toth. They start to walk off. RILEY: That had to hurt. XANDER: Yeah, yeah. GILES: Take it slowly. They walk off. The camera pans slowly back across the piles of trash. Among the bags, we see another Xander, lying apparently unconscious. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOTE: from this point on the two Xanders are referred to herein as "ScruffyXander" and "SuaveXander." Fade in on the city dump, day. The camera pans across mounds of trash to where ScruffyXander is lying, yawning and beginning to wake up. Eyes closed, he makes a disgusted face. ScruffyXANDER: Anya ... you trying to use the hot plate again? Slowly he opens his eyes, looks around. We can hear flies buzzing. ScruffyXANDER: Uh-oh. He gets up and walks off. Cut to ScruffyXander walking around the corner of his parents' house, looking confused and disheveled. He goes down the outer stairs to his basement door, tries to open it but it's locked. He knocks. ScruffyXANDER: Anya? An? He knocks some more, then kicks the door, hurting his foot, and hops around in pain. He limps up the stairs and goes to the nearest window. It's ground-level. He lies on the ground, wipes dirt off the window, and peers in. Long sh*t of a person wearing khaki pants but no shirt, combing his hair in front of the mirror inside Xander's room. ScruffyXANDER: (peering in window) Oh my god! Closer sh*t of the person inside as he turns away from the window. It looks just like Xander. ScruffyXANDER: (OS) What? No way! Who is ... me? We see SuaveXander putting on a blue button-down shirt. His hair is neatly combed and appears to be wet. Cut back to outside. ScruffyXANDER: What am I doing in there? Buffy. Need Buffy. He gets up, trips over his own feet and falls over. Cut to ScruffyXander standing at a pay phone with the receiver tucked under his ear as he digs in his pockets. ScruffyXANDER: (into phone) No, it ate my quarter. Uh-huh. But see, I'm sort of having this aggressively bad day. (pulls quarter out of pocket) Ooh! I found a quarter! I found a quarter! ... Well, ma'am, for me it *is* worth getting excited about. He hangs up, puts the quarter in, and dials. ScruffyXANDER: Come on, Buffy. He turns and sees SuaveXander walking toward him, looking very tidy and confident. ScruffyXander quickly turns away and hides his face with one hand, then watches as SuaveXander walks past him. BUFFY: (on phone) Hello? ScruffyXander dithers for a moment, then hangs up and goes after SuaveXander. Cut to Buffy holding the phone to her ear. BUFFY: They hung up. She hangs up and picks up an axe. We see that she's in her bedroom at Joyce's place. Riley sits on the bed. Buffy moves toward the bed, where she puts the axe in a bag with some other w*apon. BUFFY: Well, if this guy wants to fight with w*apon, I've got it covered from A to Z. From axe to ... zee other axe. (Riley looks tense. She walks over to him.) Relax. Another day, another demon. RILEY: Right. It'll be good. BUFFY: Hey. She leans down to kiss him. The kiss goes on, and then we hear choking, gagging noises. sh*t of Dawn in the doorway, pretending to gag. Buffy and Riley stop smooching, look annoyed. DAWN: My friend Sharon's older brother knows a girl who died because she choked on her boyfriend's tongue. BUFFY: (annoyed) Go away, Dawn. (Riley looks amused) DAWN: I'm not in your room. I'm in the hallway. The hallway doesn't belong to you. We see Joyce coming out of the room across the hall. BUFFY: (moving toward the door) Get *out* of here. DAWN: Mom, I can stand in the hallway, right? BUFFY: She's watching us like a big freak! JOYCE: (sighs, puts hand to her forehead) This must be my "two teenage girls in the house" headache. I thought it felt familiar. BUFFY: Good work, Dawn. You gave her a headache. DAWN: I did not! (to Joyce) Did I give you a headache, Mom? I'm sure part of it is Buffy's. BUFFY: But part of it is Dawn's. JOYCE: It's so nice you've learned to share. You girls, sort this out yourselves. It's good for you. (Exits. Buffy looks annoyed.) DAWN: (smiling smugly) She didn't say I couldn't stand here. BUFFY: (smiling smugly) Hmm. Buffy shuts the door in Dawn's face. DAWN: (OS) Ow! Cut to Spike in his crypt, arranging a mannequin. As the camera moves out we can see that the mannequin is from the waist up only (no legs). Spike arranges its clothing, then turns away and takes a long blonde wig from his shopping cart and carefully places it on the dummy's head. He smiles slightly. SPIKE: Very posh. He turns away as if to get something else, but suddenly whirls and aims a kick at the mannequin. It falls over and its head comes off, bouncing on the floor. Spike kicks it into the air and catches it. The wig is still on. Spike holds the head up and gazes at it. SPIKE: Oh, slayer. (Rubs his thumb along its cheek) One of these days... Cut to exterior sh*t of a construction site, day. Various men and machines are working. SuaveXander walks through the scenery, approaches a rack where a bunch of hard-hats are hanging. He picks up the one marked "Harris" and puts it on. He walks off. Cut to SuaveXander wearing the hard hat, gloves, and safety goggles, using some kind of noisy power tool on a piece of wood. A guy walks up behind him. It's his boss. BOSS: Hey Harris! (No reaction. Boss yells louder.) Harris! SuaveXANDER: (turns off tool) Harris, right. Yeah. BOSS: In my trailer, okay? I'm talking to all the guys today. The job's winding down. SuaveXANDER: Right, I'll ... be right there. Boss walks off as SuaveXander puts down the tool. sh*t of ScruffyXander hiding behind a Porta-Potty, watching. He's still wearing the yellow t-shirt and flowered shirt over it, now looking extremely dirty. His hair is disheveled. sh*t of SuaveXander walking toward boss's trailer. ScruffyXANDER: (muttering) Welcome to payback, mister evil-plan-face-stealer. You take my life, you get my being fired absolutely free. We see SuaveXander walking across the site, smoothly ducking underneath a big pipe being carried by two other guys. The door of the Porta-Potty opens and smacks ScruffyXander in the face. A hard-hatted guy, exiting the Porta-Potty, looks at ScruffyXander as he puts a hand to his face. GUY: Harris. Where's your hard hat? ScruffyXander makes a face and walks off. Cut to interior of boss's trailer. BOSS: Sit down. SuaveXander does so, putting his hard hat on the desk. sh*t of ScruffyXander outside, walking up to the trailer, trying to look through the window but it's too high. Cut back inside. BOSS: How long you work here, Harris? We see that SuaveXander has something shiny in his hand, about the size and shape of a US quarter. He's turning it around in his fingers. SuaveXANDER: Huh? I'm not sure. BOSS: About three months? SuaveXANDER: I guess, yeah. Cut back outside. ScruffyXander is trying to make a table to stand on, by pulling together some random pieces of wood that were lying around. He climbs up on it and peers in the window. We see the boss and SuaveXander from ScruffyXander's perspective. BOSS: (OS) And you haven't done much construction work before this, is that right? ScruffyXANDER: I knew they were gonna notice that. BOSS: I have to tell you, that's surprising ... 'cause your work here has been first-rate. Yeah, we have another job lined up in Carlton when you're finished here. Cut back inside. We see that the shiny thing in SuaveXander's hand is reflecting the light onto the boss's face and chest. BOSS: You ever think about staying on full-time? Cut back outside. ScruffyXANDER: What? Why isn't he f*ring me? ... Him? Cut back inside. BOSS: I was thinking that I'd have you head up our interior carpentry crew ... (Closeup of the shiny thing in SuaveXander's hand, reflecting the light.) ...see how it goes. It's more responsibility, but the pay is better. SuaveXANDER: (enthusiastically) That would be *great*. Cut to outside. ScruffyXANDER: Promotion? But I ... I mean, he didn't ... Doesn't he see the shiny thing? (Gestures angrily at the window. This causes him to lose his balance and fall off his perch.) Cut back inside. The boss shakes SuaveXander's hand. BOSS: Congratulations, Harris. You and your girl should go out and celebrate. SuaveXANDER: I already have an idea how. Cut to exterior of the apartment building, night. The For Rent sign is gone. Cut to interior of the apartment. SuaveXander is filling out forms while the manager lady watches. He's still wearing the khaki pants and blue shirt, but now with a brown suit jacket over it. MANAGER: I was going to call you, Mr. Harris, let you know your credit checked out fine, but ... I really didn't think you'd be back. Cut to the hallway. ScruffyXander is listening in, crouching on the floor. ScruffyXANDER: "Mister Harris." Yeah, right. MANAGER: I'm sure you'll like the building... Cut back to inside the apartment. MANAGER: (smiling) ...I think someone said you're currently in your parents' basement? SuaveXANDER: Right. There comes a point where you either have to move on, or just buy yourself a Klingon costume and ... go with it. Manager laughs a little more than necessary. MANAGER: Well ... (picking up documents) I hope you'll be happy here, Mr. Harris. We're certainly happy to have you. SuaveXANDER: Thank you. (We see that he's doing the trick with the shiny thing again.) MANAGER: And if you ... need anything ... day, or night ... please. Call me. SuaveXander grins. MANAGER: I, um ... I'm leaving my home number here... Cut to hallway. ScruffyXANDER: She's coming on to him ... me! Cut back to inside apartment. MANAGER: Call me. (hands SuaveXander her card) Even for, you know ... non-business stuff. Maybe we could, uh, do something? Cut to hallway. ScruffyXANDER: Please, lady, that is so not me. He's too clean for one thing. And his socks are all matchy. He leaps aside as the door opens. He rushes to hide around the corner. MANAGER: (in doorway) Remember ... any time. She closes the door and walks off. Cut back to inside apartment. SuaveXander is dialing the phone. SuaveXANDER: Anya, you there? ... Look, I know you're still mad, but ... I figure you're probably sitting there pretending you're not home but listening anyway. Cut to Anya's apartment. She's standing there in a bathrobe, still with arm in sling, listening to SuaveXander on the answering machine. ANYA: Am not. Cut back to Xander's apartment. SuaveXANDER: Look, I have something to show you. Meet me at the apartment. Cut back to Anya's. SuaveXANDER: (on machine) You know the one. Nine o'clock. (Beep) Anya looks conflicted. Cut back to hallway outside Xander's apartment. The door opens and SuaveXander comes out. He closes the door, locks it with the key. ScruffyXander comes out from around the corner and leaps on SuaveXander's back, yelling. ScruffyXANDER: Yaah! SuaveXander throws him off and ScruffyXander falls down. He gets up and they stare at each other. SuaveXander punches ScruffyXander in the face. He goes down again, clutching his nose. ScruffyXANDER: I won't let you do this! NEIGHBOR WOMAN: (OS) What's going on down there? ScruffyXANDER: You can't do this to me! SuaveXander turns and runs off. ScruffyXander groans and clutches his face. ScruffyXANDER: Oh, man, I need Buffy. Cut to sh*t of Sunnydale, night, with rain pouring down. Cut to exterior of Giles' apartment (courtyard). ScruffyXander runs across the courtyard, soaking wet. SuaveXANDER: (OS) No, no. He looked *exactly* like me. ScruffyXander goes to the window and sees SuaveXander talking to Riley, Buffy, and Giles. SuaveXANDER: It stole my face. We have to find it, and we have to k*ll it. ScruffyXander turns away. ScruffyXANDER: She sees it's not me. Please, Buffy ... resist his spell. Do this for me. He turns to look in the window again. BUFFY: (to SuaveXander) Don't worry, Xander. Whatever stole your face, it has to deal with the slayer now. ScruffyXander stares through the window in alarm. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exterior sh*t of a UC Sunnydale dorm building, still night, still raining. Cut to inside Willow's bedroom. She enters, carrying some books. A moment later the door bursts open and ScruffyXander comes in, thoroughly drenched. ScruffyXANDER: Don't be scared, Will. Just listen. It's me, Xander. Willow puts her books on the bed, looking confused. ScruffyXANDER: And I can prove it. WILLOW: Um ... okay. (Sits on the bed) ScruffyXANDER: Let's see. (paces) Stuff only you and me know. Okay! On my seventh birthday ... I wanted a toy f*re truck, and I didn't get it, and you were real nice about it, and then the house next door burnt down, and then real f*re trucks came, and for years I thought you set the f*re for me. And if you did, you can tell me. (grins nervously. Willow doesn't respond. He paces more.) For a while last year, I thought I was lactose-intolerant, but it was just some bad Brie. Oh! (points at Willow) Every Christmas, we watch Charlie Brown together, and I do the Snoopy dance. He begins to do the Snoopy dance, wearing a big grin. Willow watches for a moment and then gets up. WILLOW: (smiling) Xander ... stop dancing. ScruffyXANDER: Aha! You called me Xander! WILLOW: Xander, shut up! Why wouldn't I think you were Xander? ScruffyXANDER: Oh. Huh. WILLOW: What's goin' on? ScruffyXANDER: (sighs) Okay. I woke up in the dump this morning. WILLOW: Xander, the basement isn't a dump. It, it's more like a really nice hovel. ScruffyXANDER: No. The dump. The city dump. I got h*t last night, fall down boom, woke up this morning. WILLOW: Nuh uh! We walked you home last night, remember? (Sits down on bed again) ScruffyXANDER: You walked? Will. Did I do anything weird? Did I wave any shiny things around? WILLOW: Shiny things, what are you talking about? ScruffyXANDER: Last night, that wasn't me. There's a double out there. Some ... thing has stolen my face, and it's going around pretending to be me, and it's hypnotizing people. It even got to Buffy and Giles and Riley. It's over there right now and they have no idea. Cut to Giles' apartment. GILES: What's intriguing me is that there are any number of demons with the ability to mimic a simple form, but, uh ... this sounds like more than that. SuaveXANDER: Hold up. Do we really have to figure out what it is? Let's just go k*ll it. RILEY: Yeah. When the imposter's k*lled, the body'll probably turn back into whatever it really is, and then we'll know. BUFFY: Toth! They all look at her. BUFFY: The demon with the creepy stick thing. SuaveXANDER: (thoughtfully) Toth. BUFFY: It's gotta be! He h*t Xander with that blast, and somehow it allowed him to take Xander's form. Couldn't that be what the creepy stick thing did? GILES: Yes ... I suppose, yes, yes, it makes sense. A shape-shifting device. (Moves offscreen toward his bookshelves) SuaveXANDER: It does make sense. It must be Toth. Cut back to Willow's room. Willow and ScruffyXander are sitting side-by-side on the bed. He's wringing out his wet clothing. ScruffyXANDER: (angrily) It's a robot. It's an evil robot constructed from evil parts that look like me designed to do evil. WILLOW: Uh huh. Or it's Toth. ScruffyXANDER: (still angrily) Or, it's Toth. Cut back to Giles'. BUFFY: I was gonna look for Toth anyway. Guess now I start ... looking for you. SuaveXANDER: Should I go with you? I ... told Anya to meet me at my new place. I'd feel a whole lot better knowing she's safe from this creep. Buffy nods. BUFFY: Go be with her. I, I mean, if you were out there looking for the double too ... (looks at Riley, then back at SuaveXander) let's just say that I wouldn't wanna run into you and k*ll the wrong one. SuaveXANDER: Good thinking. When you k*ll this thing, you better make sure you got the one's who's actually- Cut back to Willow's. ScruffyXANDER: A demon. A demon has taken my life from me, and he's living it better than I do. He's now standing and has his Hawaiian shirt in his hands. He gives it a shake to remove the water. Willow is still sitting on the bed, and winces as the water sprays her. WILLOW: Well, we're working on it. There has to be a way to get to Buffy to ... unhypnotize her. I'll find a spell to snap her out of it. (Stands up and goes to her bookcase) ScruffyXANDER: (sourly) Right. Whatever. WILLOW: (turns back to him) Xander, you sound a little ... you have to help me figure this out, you know. ScruffyXANDER: But I never help. I get in trouble and Buffy saves me. WILLOW: That's not true! Sometimes we all helped save you. (realizes that was unhelpful) And sometimes you're not in trouble. They both sit on the bed again. ScruffyXANDER: I'm just ... another great humiliation. (Willow looks sympathetic) But this time it's even worse. This demon, he's like taking my life, and everyone's treating him ... Everyone's treating him like a grown-up! Will, I'm starting to feel like... WILLOW: Like what? ScruffyXANDER: Like ... he's doing everything better. He's smarter, and ... (shakes head) I don't know, maybe I should just let him have it. Take my life, please. WILLOW: Xander, no! (Puts hand on his shoulder) You're just tired, and ... and all soggy. That's why it seems so hard, but you can't let him just take your whole existence. ScruffyXANDER: Why not? It's not like I was doing anything so great with it. When I get to the pearly gates I'm sure the guy is not gonna go, "Hey, what a kick-ass comic book collection, come on in!" (Willow still looking sympathetic) No, what have I got that's even worth- (eyes widen) Anya! WILLOW: You think he's after her? ScruffyXANDER: She won't know. He can just ... no. No way! (Jumps up) No way. He can take anything, but he can't have her. I need her. WILLOW: (half disgusted, half smiling) Really? ScruffyXANDER: (desperately) He could be with her right now! Figure out a spell, something ... revealy. I gotta find her. (Turns to leave) WILLOW: Xander... (He turns back) You already knew he was taking over your life, and ... you didn't think about Anya till just now? ScruffyXANDER: Hey, wait till you have an evil twin. See how you handle it. (Exits) WILLOW: (pouts) I handled it fine. Cut to Anya's apartment. ScruffyXander bursts in. ScruffyXANDER: Anya? An? He looks around. No one there. He notices the answering machine blinking and pushes the button. SuaveXANDER: (on machine) Meet me at the apartment. You know the one. 9:00. ScruffyXander looks around, runs to a bureau, starts rummaging through the drawers. ScruffyXANDER: It's gotta be here. Where is it? Cut to Xander's apartment. SuaveXander is getting together a bottle of wine and two glasses. Anya stands in the living room, on a blanket that's spread on the floor. A picnic basket is at her feet. ANYA: You're lying. It's a trick. SuaveXANDER: No. Trust me. He walks over with the wine and puts it on the floor next to the basket. ANYA: You really got this apartment? SuaveXANDER: I really did. And do you know why? Anya looks around. ANYA: The ceiling fans? Very attractive. SuaveXANDER: No. It's because I knew you wanted it. It's all for you. She moves closer to him and they kiss. SuaveXANDER: Anya, you didn't see me today, did you? I mean, we didn't talk? ANYA: What do you mean? I just got your phone message, that's all. SuaveXANDER: Good. They kiss some more, kneel and then sit on the blanket. ANYA: So... what happens next? SuaveXANDER: Well, at some point we take off our clothes. ANYA: I mean what happens next in our lives? When do we get a car? SuaveXANDER: (confused) A car? ANYA: And a boat. No, wait, I - I don't mean a boat. I mean a puppy. Or a child. I have a list somewhere. SuaveXANDER: What are you talking about? ANYA: Just ... we have to get going. I don't have time just to let these things happen. SuaveXANDER: There's no hurry. ANYA: Yes there is. There's a hurry, Xander. I'm dying. SuaveXander looks shocked. ANYA: I may have as few as fifty years left. SuaveXANDER: Fifty years? What is thi- Oh, wait a minute. This is about this. (Touching her arm sling) ANYA: What about the sling? SuaveXANDER: You haven't been hurt like this since you became human. (She nods reluctantly) Maybe it's finally hitting you what being human means. ANYA: (pouting) No, that's not it. SuaveXANDER: Yes, I think it is. You were gonna live for thousands of years. (Anya nods) And now you're gonna age and die. That must be terrifying. ANYA: You don't understand what it's like. SuaveXANDER: Being suddenly human? I think I can get what that would be like. And we can get through it together. ANYA: You can't make it any different. I'm going to get old. And ... you can't promise you'll be with me when I'm ... wrinkly and my teeth are artificial and stuck into my wrinkly mouth with an adhesive. SuaveXANDER: No, I can't promise that. But it doesn't sound terrible. And that's saying something. (Anya looks somewhat comforted) I promise you, Anya. Very soon you won't be thinking about getting older. They smooch. Suddenly the door bursts open and ScruffyXander rushes in. SuaveXander and Anya look up. ScruffyXANDER: Get away from her! ANYA: Xander! Anya and SuaveXander stand up. ANYA: (to SuaveXander) Xander! SuaveXANDER: (to ScruffyXander) Get out. You don't belong here. ScruffyXANDER: Anya. It's me. Anya looks in confusion from one to the other. She starts to walk toward ScruffyXander but SuaveXander stops her. SuaveXANDER: It's a demon. He stole my face, he's trying to trick you. Anya looks from one to the other, very confused. SuaveXANDER: Anya, you know I'm me, right? ScruffyXANDER: No! Anya looks at ScruffyXander again and moves closed to SuaveXander. ANYA: What is it? Make it go away. Cut to Giles'. Riley is looking at a map. We see Giles in the background looking at books. RILEY: So you're thinking we split up? BUFFY: Yeah, you check the places where he might try and go and blend in as Xander. I'll check the places where Toth might hang out. The door bursts open and Willow enters. GILES: I swear, this time I *know* I had that locked. WILLOW: Buffy, Toth looks like Xander. RILEY: We already know. We're on our way. BUFFY: Wait a second, how did you know about this? WILLOW: He came to me. I-I mean Xander did. And he's in terrible shape, we need to help him. sh*t of Giles reading a book, not listening to them. RILEY: He came to us too. WILLOW: No. We each had a Xander. I mean ... you didn't have a Xander, you had a, a demon in a Xander suit. BUFFY: What makes you so sure that yours is the right one? WILLOW: He knew stuff! He, he did the Snoopy dance. (Another sh*t of Giles reading) Buffy, it was Xander, and he needs us. GILES: Oh, dear lord. RILEY: Buffy, our Xander, did he seem a little- BUFFY: He seemed kind of forceful and confident. WILLOW: That's not Xander. GILES: I said, "Oh, dear lord." BUFFY: You always say that. GILES: Well, it's always important! (coming forward to join them, carrying book) Neither Xander is a demon. WILLOW: Um ... is one of them a robot? GILES: What? No. Um, uh, the rod device, it's called a ferula-gemina. It splits one person in half, distilling personality traits into two separate bodies. As near as I can tell, Toth was attempting to split the slayer into two different entities. (Hands the book to Willow) BUFFY: Two Buffys? GILES: Yes. One with all the qualities inherent in Buffy Summers, and the other one with everything that belongs to the slayer alone ... the, uh, the-the strength, the, uh, speed, the heritage. And when it h*t Xander, I think it separated him into his strongest points and his (grimaces) weakest. RILEY: But which one's the real one? GILES: They're both real. They're both Xander. Neither one of them is evil. There's nothing in either of them that our Xander doesn't already possess. RILEY: I still don't get the original plan. I mean, why do it? The slayer half would be like slayer concentrate, pretty unkillable. GILES: But the two halves can't exist without each other. k*ll the weaker Buffy half, and the slayer half dies. BUFFY: So the same goes for the Xanders. We lose one, we lose them both. Cut back to Xander's apartment. ScruffyXANDER: He's the demon! (Anya looks uncertainly at SuaveXander) Or possibly a robot. Look at me. Look in my eyes. Can't you see it's me? Anya looks from one to the other, still completely confused. ANYA: I, I don't know! ScruffyXANDER: (desperately) Please! Look at him! Listen to him! He's all smooth! You have to know it's me! SuaveXANDER: Don't worry, Anya. I'll get rid of this thing. I'm thinkin' this is gonna last about fifteen seconds. (Walks slowly toward ScruffyXander) ScruffyXander reaches inside his clothing and pulls out a g*n. He points it at SuaveXander. ScruffyXANDER: I'm thinkin' less. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the standoff. ScruffyXander points the g*n at SuaveXander, with Anya behind. Suddenly Anya rushes forward. ANYA: No! Don't sh**t him! She pushes the g*n so it points at the ceiling. SuaveXander comes forward and grabs ScruffyXander's hands and they all three grapple for the g*n. Cut to exterior sh*t of a car zooming down the streets. Cut to interior of car with Riley driving and Buffy in the passenger seat. BUFFY: Can't this thing go any faster? Ultimate driving machine, my ass. RILEY: We're pushing 70. Pause. Buffy looks meditative. BUFFY: Riley, do you wish- RILEY: No. BUFFY: No? You don't even know what I was gonna say. RILEY: Yes, I do. You wanted to know if I wished you got h*t by the ferula-gemina, got split in two. BUFFY: Well, you have been kind of rankly about the whole slayer gig. Instead of having slayer Buffy, you could have Buffy Buffy. RILEY: Hey. I *have* Buffy Buffy. Being the slayer's part of who you are. You keep thinking I don't get that, but... BUFFY: It's just ... I know how ... un-fun it can be. The bad hours, frequent bruising, cranky monsters... RILEY: Buffy... if you led a perfectly normal life, you wouldn't be half as crazy as you are. I gotta have that. I gotta have it all. I'm talkin' toes, elbows, the whole bad-ice-skating-movie obsession, everything. There's no part of you I'm not in love with. Buffy looks up at him. He glances at her. She smiles a little, then looks out her window. BUFFY: We better get there soon. If Xander kills himself, he's d*ad. (frowns) You know what I mean. Riley nods. sh*t of the car zooming along. Cut back to the apartment. The Xanders and Anya are still wrestling over the g*n. ScruffyXANDER: Let go! I have to k*ll the demon-bot! The g*n falls to the floor. SuaveXander grabs it. SuaveXANDER: Anya ... get out of the way. Anya is standing in front of ScruffyXander. Buffy and Riley rush in. BUFFY: Xander! Riley closes the door. SuaveXANDER: (smiling) All right, Buffy. I have him. ScruffyXANDER: No! Buffy! I'm me! Help me! ANYA: My g*n! He's got my g*n! (Pointing to the g*n in SuaveXander's hand) RILEY: You own a g*n? BUFFY: Xander ... g*n-holding Xander. (Walks quickly over to SuaveXander) Give me the g*n. Both Xanders stare. Finally SuaveXander holds the g*n up and gives it a quick twist with one hand so that the b*ll*ts fall out onto the floor. He flips it shut and hands it to Buffy, who looks impressed. ANYA: Buffy, which one's real? Buffy hands the g*n to Riley. ScruffyXANDER: I am. SuaveXANDER: No, I am. They try to att*ck each other but Buffy steps between them. She flings ScruffyXander across the room; he lands against the kitchen counter. SuaveXANDER: Thank you. Buffy grabs him and shoves him over next to ScruffyXander. SuaveXANDER: Ow! Anya, Riley, and Buffy come up to examine the two Xanders side-by-side. RILEY: Wild. BUFFY: Yeah. Okay, Xander ... Xa ... (sighs) You've been split in two. But you're both Xander. And you *can't* k*ll each other. Um, well, you could, but it would be really bad. The Xanders look at each other. SuaveXANDER: No way. ScruffyXANDER: He can't be me. He's all ... fancy. RILEY: We can prove that you're both Xander. BUFFY: Yeah! (to Riley) How? RILEY: Um... BUFFY: Um... RILEY: Well, there has to be a way. BUFFY: Ooh! What number am I thinking of? RILEY: I don't think that's gonna do it. XANDERS: (in unison) Eleven and a half. BUFFY: Wrong. Oh! But see? The Xanders frown. ScruffyXANDER: No. We're not the same. We're all different. RILEY: Different properties went into each of you, but you're both Xander. ANYA: Different properties? ScruffyXANDER: What different properties? BUFFY: Uh, uh, you know, uh, sense of direction. Good night vision, stuff like that. ScruffyXANDER: Oh, but he has a thingie! In his pocket! (pointing to SuaveXander's pocket) A shiny disk that stuns and disorients! SuaveXANDER: (reaching in pocket, taking out the thing) What disk? ScruffyXANDER: Cover your eyes! (covering eyes with hands) SuaveXANDER: This? ScruffyXANDER: It'll melt your brain! Buffy takes the thing from SuaveXander. Anya and Riley lean in to see. BUFFY: (to ScruffyXander) Look. SuaveXANDER: (tolerantly) It's a nickel someone flattened on the railroad track. I found it on the construction site and I thought it was cool. It's not magic. ScruffyXander uncovers his eyes to take the thing from Buffy. ScruffyXANDER: No, I ... huh. It *is* kinda cool. (SuaveXander nods tolerantly)Washington's still there, but he's all smushy. (looks more closely) And he may be Jefferson. ANYA: Okay, isn't anyone gonna tell me why there are two Xanders? BUFFY: I will on the way to Giles'. Let's go. They all turn to leave just as the door is smashed in. ScruffyXander and Anya hide behind SuaveXander, grabbing his shoulders. Toth strides in. BUFFY: Oh great. Rod boy. TOTH: I will not miss again, slayer. ScruffyXANDER: (standing behind SuaveXander, clutching him around the shoulders) The g*n! Pick up the little g*n pieces! Toth raises his rod. Buffy and Riley dive away in opposite directions. Toth fires at Buffy and misses, tearing a big hole in the floor. SuaveXANDER: Hey, I just made a small cleaning deposit! Riley jumps on Toth from behind, making him drop the rod. He throws Riley off. Riley punches him a few times, then Toth head-butts him and flings him aside. Buffy comes up and kicks Toth a few times, punches him a few times, then he picks her up and body-slams her. She kicks up as he approaches, catching him on the chin. She gets up, lands a few more kicks and punches, and Toth goes down. BUFFY: Sword! Riley grabs the sword from the bag of w*apon and throws it to her. She catches it and s*ab Toth. He screams and dies. Buffy stands up, panting. Anya and ScruffyXander let go of SuaveXander. They all cluster around the corpse. SuaveXANDER: Oh, yeah. That cleaning deposit's gone. ScruffyXANDER: (gasps) I was thinking the same thing! Hey, do you suppose we're both Xander? SuaveXander gives him a big grin. Anya stares at them. Cut to a sh*t of the two Xanders side-by-side. Now they're dressed the same, both in yellow T-shirts and identical Hawaiian shirts, but ScruffyXander's shirt is all dirty whereas SuaveXander's is clean, and ScruffyXander's hair is much messier. ScruffyXANDER: Look and admire, ladies. We see that they're in the magic shop. Willow, Buffy and Anya are in a row staring at the Xanders, fascinated. In the background we see Riley watching, and Giles on the floor making markings with chalk. BUFFY: (looking closely) Look, there's a scar there, (pointing at ScruffyXander's forehead) and there's the same one right there. (pointing at SuaveXander's forehead) WILLOW: It's all double. (pointing) This zit, and this ... kinda funny dippy thing. A-and this weird little hair that grows in the wrong way (pointing to ScruffyXander's nose) ScruffyXANDER: Okay! Back off, ladies. RILEY: Psychologically, this is fascinating. Doesn't it make everyone wanna lock them in separate rooms and do experiments on them? Everyone gives him an odd look. RILEY: Just me, then. ANYA: So ... you Xanders really do have all the same memories, all the same ... (looking downward) physical attributes? (Laughs suggestively) SuaveXANDER: We're completely identical. ScruffyXANDER: Yeah, we checked out some stuff in the car on the way over. (Anya frowns in puzzlement) Fingerprints! ANYA: (turning to the others) Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and ... we can all have sex together, and ... you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning. Giles tries not to look appalled. Buffy and Riley grin. SuaveXANDER: She's joking. ScruffyXANDER: No she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together. Which is ... *wrong*, and, and it would be very confusing. GILES: (getting up from the floor) Uh, uh, we just need to light the candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk. WILLOW: Check. Candles and pretense. Everyone moves around getting stuff ready, except the Xanders. ANYA: It's not like it'd be cheating. They're both Xander. ScruffyXANDER: Now, hold on a sec. If you weren't putting a whammy on people with the shiny thing, how'd you do it? How'd you get the promotion? SuaveXANDER: Well, I'm good at that stuff. ScruffyXANDER: I am? SuaveXANDER: Yeah. ScruffyXANDER: And hey, how 'bout that lady, huh? The apartment manager. SuaveXANDER: How weird was it when she called me "mister"? The Xanders grin goofily at each other. WILLOW: We're ready. We should do it now. (The Xanders turn their grins toward her) ANYA: What'll we do if this doesn't work? XANDERS: (unison) k*ll us both, Spock! (They look at each other and laugh delightedly.) BUFFY: They're ... kinda the same now. GILES: Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself. ScruffyXANDER: Hey, summon the goddess. Chant the chant. Let's do it. WILLOW: Actually, it's not that hard. Your natural state is to be together. Toth's spell is doing all the work of keeping you apart. I just have to break it. So you two ... (takes them both and positions them inside the chalk markings) stand right here. Side by side. We don't want you to end up with two fronts, now do we? ScruffyXANDER: Are you sure you know how to do this? WILLOW: (exhales) Here we go. Brace yourselves. The two Xanders close their eyes and prepare. WILLOW: Let the spell be ended. Closeup of a single Xander, still with eyes closed. XANDER: You gotta be kidding. "Let the spell be ended," that's not gonna work. He opens his eyes and sees there's only one of him. XANDER: Oh! Willow smiles proudly. ANYA: I liked it the other way. Put him back. sh*t of Buffy raising her eyebrows. Cut to interior of Xander's basement. Xander and Riley are carrying boxes out. Anya is sitting on a stool reading a magazine. Riley and Xander put the boxes by the door, and Xander pauses to look around. RILEY: Getting nostalgic? XANDER: I don't know. At first it's just a place, then you start to make memories, and ... then you're like, (pointing) that's where Spike slept, and (pointing) there, that's where Anya and I drowned the separvo demon. Oh! (points) and, and right there, that's where I got my heart all ripped out. (shakes head) I really hate this place. He and Riley turn to pick up the boxes as Buffy walks by. She goes to pick up another box, passing Anya. BUFFY: Anya. I see you've joined the non-sling-wearing crowd. ANYA: (smiling) Yes, I'm feeling better. And I anticipate many years before my death. Excepting disease or airbag failure. BUFFY: That sounds nice. (Walks off carrying box) Xander walks up to Anya, carrying another box. ANYA: Ooh! (tosses magazine aside) Presents? XANDER: Not unless you want my collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates. Which you cannot have. I just thought you could help carry a little. ANYA: Me? (pouts) Buffy has super strength. Why don't we just load her up like one of those little horses? XANDER: Anya. Please. ANYA: (getting off stool) Fine. I'm just your sl*ve. (Takes box and goes out) Xander watches her go. Riley watches too, while packing a box. XANDER: How is it that she can always make me feel SuaveXander's left the building? RILEY: You two have your friction, but ... she digs the whole package. It's obvious. XANDER: Still, I do envy you sometimes. (Riley looks up at him) I mean for the sanity. Not that I'm still into Buffy. (quickly) Not that I ever was. RILEY: (grinning) Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her it's like ... it's like I'm split in two. Half of me is just ... on f*re, going crazy if I'm not touching her. The other half ... is so still and peaceful ... just perfectly content. Just knows: this is the one. (Smiles a little, continues packing for a moment, then looks up at Xander again.) But she doesn't love me. Xander stares at him, not knowing what to say. Buffy re-enters. BUFFY: Got something else for me to carry? RILEY: Uh, you can help me pack this. BUFFY: Sure. (goes over to Riley and kisses him) Sure. They both turn to the packing as Xander watches. Blackout.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x03 - The Replacement"}

foreverdreaming

A Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Original Air Date: October 17, 2000 Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser Riley talking to Xander. RILEY: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. But she doesn't love me. GILES: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Riley in fatigues. RILEY: What have you done to me? Riley strapped into a chair in the Initiative, reaching for a piece of glass on the nearby table. ADAM VOICEOVER: Professor Walsh. She implanted the behavior modifier. RILEY VOICEOVER: The chip in my head. ADAM VOICEOVER: Actually, the chip is here... Riley s*ab himself in the chest with the piece of glass. Adam pointing to Riley's chest. ADAM VOICEOVER: ... tied directly into your central nervous system through the thoracic nerve. Riley yanking the chip out of his chest. Riley pointing a g*n at something. RILEY VOICEOVER: What's happening to me? Riley in Willy's bar, sweeping a bunch of glasses off the bar. Willow pulling back a curtain and jumping when she finds Riley behind it. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Engleman said Walsh was feeding you drugs. Buffy leaning over a sweaty Riley who's lying on Xander's couch. RILEY: Something's crawling inside me. INITIATIVE DOC: I don't want to think about the damage our guys could do under the stress of withdrawal. Buffy walking into Dawn's room. Buffy and Dawn looking at each other. JOYCE VOICEOVER: Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister? Buffy and Dawn looking annoyed. BUFFY/DAWN: (unison) Mom! Dawn writing in her diary. DAWN VOICEOVER: Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a Slayer. Fade in on a graveyard, night. Camera pans across the crypts and finds Buffy crouched on top of one. She stands up, stake in hand. Looks around, leaps to the ground. Cut to Buffy running through the graveyard, pausing, looking around. A pair of arms bursts out of a fresh grave but Buffy stakes the vampire before it can finish coming out of the ground. Buffy straightens up, turns as another vamp emerges from another grave. She ducks his swing, throws a few punches, kicks him in the chest. He does a back-roll and comes up to his feet. Riley appears out of nowhere and throws the vamp aside. BUFFY: Riley? RILEY: (smiling) Buffy, what are you doing here? BUFFY: My job? RILEY: Well, I just thought you were in the north sector. BUFFY: Watch out! The vamp att*cks Riley from behind. He kicks the vamp's legs out from under him and throws him aside. The vamp hits a crypt and slides down. BUFFY: Never mind. Riley punches the vampire, then stakes him. sh*t of another vamp emerging from the ground. Buffy spots him and starts forward with a yell, raising her stake. Another person appears from the left side of the screen and tackles the new vamp, carrying him to the ground. Buffy looks bemused. BUFFY: Why do I even bother to show up? The two fighters get up and we see that the newcomer is Spike. He blocks a couple of punches from the other vamp, then grabs his arm. BUFFY: Spike, what are you doing here? SPIKE: Same thing as you and your Cub Scout here, I'll wager. He lands a few punches and the vamp goes down. Spike turns toward Buffy with a big grin. SPIKE: A spot of v*olence before bedtime. The other vamp punches him in the face and he goes down. He gets to his knees, wiping blood from his nose. The other vamp growls. Buffy rushes forward. sh*t of Spike standing up, still wiping his nose with his hand. The other vamp att*cks from the left. Buffy appears from the right, shoves Spike out of the way, and stakes the vamp. Spike exhales loudly, and Buffy gives him a dirty look. SPIKE: What? I softened him up. He wipes more blood from his nose, sniffs it, then licks it from his fingers. BUFFY: Better keep out of my way, Spike. I'm not gonna take this much longer. (Riley walks over to join them.) SPIKE: And I should do what in my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets? BUFFY: Would it keep you out of my way? RILEY: She's right. You shouldn't be out here when she's patrolling. Buffy turns to Riley in exasperation as if she's going to say something, but she doesn't. SPIKE: Oh! I saw that. Looks like neither boy's entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I've got knitting needles he can borrow. Riley looks annoyed. BUFFY: Spike ... I just saw you taste your own nose blood, you know what? (Spike grins at her) I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home. She stalks off. Riley gives Spike a dirty look, then follows. Spike looks injured. SPIKE: (yelling after them) It's blood! It's what I do! Cut to Buffy walking along, looking tired and annoyed. Riley catches up with her. RILEY: Hey, hope I didn't get in the way. He puts his arm around her. She gives a fake smile. BUFFY: Of course not. I-I was just ... startled. And, you know I don't ... love the idea of you patrolling alone. RILEY: Not much for bench-warming. BUFFY: No, you made the squad. You ... threw that vampire like he was a ... teeny-weeny little vampire. RILEY: (grinning) Hey, wanna go again? Come on, I bet this place is just teeming with aerodynamic vampires. Buffy looks around. BUFFY: Nah. (pauses) Unless you wanna go back and k*ll Spike for the fun of it? Riley raises his eyebrows in a sort of shrug. They both turn and continue on their way. Cut back to Spike staring after them. SPIKE: I will know your blood, Slayer. (pause) I will make your neck my chalice ... and drink deep. He wipes blood from his nose again, turns, and tries to stride away purposefully, but he falls into an open grave. Long sh*t of the graveyard looking empty, with the open grave in the foreground. SPIKE: (voice coming from the grave) Ow! Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Mercedes McNab, Bailey Chase, Charlie Weber, Time Winters, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Grossman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on a UC Sunnydale building filled with students walking around, talking, studying, etc. WILLOW: You can't possibly be arguing that Marat didn't betray the French Revolutionaries. We see Willow and Buffy walking through the halls. WILLOW: This was the guy who declared the rights of man, and then the next thing you know he's ... k*lling Girondin like it's going out of style. BUFFY: Will, you're totally missing my point. Now, I agree that Marat wasn't a real martyr, but the death in the tub ... the neck wound, all that blood, just a little more fang-y than Kn*fe-y. I mean, Charlotte Corday wasn't a real martyr either, but... WILLOW: Buffy! Willow stops walking and grabs Buffy's hand. BUFFY: What? WILLOW: (smiling hugely) Listen to us! We-we're arguing! We're having a debate about a college lecture! I have dreamt of this day since ... forever! (proudly) You are turning into quite the student. (Buffy smiles) Should I be watching my occipital lobe? BUFFY: Your what? WILLOW: Occipital. (pointing to her head) The lobe in the back of your brain. You know, like, "should I be watching my back?" But, you know, the ... back of your brain. (sighs) BUFFY: Apparently not. Don't worry, Will, you still wear the smarty-pants in the family. WILLOW: I don't know. You've been studying ... really a lot. BUFFY: I'm trying. But they're really piling on the reading, and Giles fills any free time I have with extra training ... I'm starting to think this working hard is hard work. WILLOW: Isn't it crazy like that? BUFFY: I thought it was gonna be like in the movies. You know, inspirational music ... a montage, me sharpening my pencils, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, 'cause in my montage I have glasses. (Willow nods) But real life is slow, and it's starting to hurt my occipital lobe. WILLOW: (sympathetic) Aw. Poor Buffy's brain. (Pats Buffy on the head) BUFFY: Actually, I'm heading to training now. Do you wanna come with? WILLOW: I'm in. (They start walking again) Maybe we can argue some more about the French Revolution. Hey! Wasn't that Robespierre the coolest? BUFFY: Robespierre? You're kidding me, right? WILLOW: I'm just gettin' it goin'. Cut to a sh*t of a circle saw cutting some wood. We hear Giles' voice indistinctly over the saw noise. The camera pulls back and we see it's Xander wielding the saw, wearing safety goggles, standing in the middle of the magic shop. Giles is behind the counter wearing a dust-mask, painting something. GILES: (muffled by the noise) It seems the plans worked perfectly. Xander stops the saw and unclamps the piece of wood from the vise. XANDER: Yes, blueprints, not a bad idea. That, and getting straight "measure twice, cut once." You know, for the longest time I had it backwards. Mess-y! Xander begins fitting the piece of wood into a bookcase(?) that he's working on. GILES: (pulling mask down from his mouth, so it hangs around his neck) Well, I must say, I'm very impressed. XANDER: Yeah, carpentry is pretty cool. Knock on the door. Giles goes to answer it. As he walks across the shop and the camera follows him, we see Tara standing by a small round table, wearing a long skirt, holding a deck of tarot cards. Then we see Anya moving stuff around on the shelves. ANYA: Oh! Who put the monkey heads near the Styx water? Do we *want* to pick exploded monkey out of our hair? (Picks up a jar and a monkey head, and walks across the room.) Giles opens the door. Willow and Buffy stand there, smiling. BUFFY: Trick or treat! GILES: Hello, you two, come on in. WILLOW: Thank you, kind proprietor. They enter. TARA: Hey, you. WILLOW: Hey! (looking around) Oh, wow, this place looks great. Oh, I feel like a witch in a magic shop. (picks up a jar from a table) Ooh. Are these real newt eyes? (Looks at Giles) GILES: No, too ... rich for my blood, I'm afraid. No, these are salamander eyes, it's the ... cataracts which give them their newt-like appearance. (moving past her) They're really equally effective, though, it's ... just a matter of overcoming snobberies. We see Buffy putting her purse down, and Xander looking at a blueprint, holding a pencil. XANDER: I'm telling you Giles. You gotta set up a blind taste test and prove once and for all that generic amphibian eyeballs are just as good. WILLOW: I don't know. If you ask me, the newt name still means something. (puts down jar and walks off) GILES: (to Buffy) You ready to train? BUFFY: You betcha. GILES: Shall we then? BUFFY: We shall then. They walk off toward the back. We see Willow sitting at the round table, with Tara standing beside her. A lot of tarot cards on the table. TARA: I just ... keep thinking how cool it would be, if we got a real psychic to sit up here and read fortunes and stuff. WILLOW: You should do it. TARA: Not me. But, but I'd love to, to watch and learn. From someone who's really good, you know? WILLOW: You're really good. (holds out her hands) I'll prove it. Here, do me. Tara nods and sits, putting down the cards, taking one of Willow's hands. Willow watches her study it. TARA: Hmm. WILLOW: What do you see? TARA: Willow hand. They both smile. Cut to Giles opening the door to the back as Buffy and Xander watch. Giles holds the door for Buffy. sh*t of Buffy entering, looking around. Someone tackles her from the side, pulling her out of the sh*t so we see Giles and Xander behind, looking surprised. Buffy falls to the floor on top of Riley, who has his arms around her waist. BUFFY: Unh! Ow, Riley... They get up. RILEY: Just keeping you on your toes. BUFFY: Or off them, as it were. What's gotten into- She stops as she looks around the room and sees it for the first time. BUFFY: Oh my god. Look at this place! Long sh*t of the room. We see a punching bag hanging from the ceiling, a vault horse atop a set of mays, a stationary bike, and a scarecrow/dummy. In the background there's something that looks like a mini-fridge(?). Against the far wall there's a set of weights. Symbols are painted on the floor and walls. BUFFY: (gasps) Thank you. (looks up at Giles) Thank you ... so much. GILES: (removing his glasses and then the mask that's still around his neck) It's just a start, you need a proper space to train, so- BUFFY: I love it. (Giles gives a small smile) RILEY: (grinning) So come on, let's test this puppy out. Think you can take me? (throws a few fake punches at Buffy. She mostly ignores him, walking farther into the room.) What's the matter, afraid of a little competition? BUFFY: It must have been so much work. XANDER: I'm the dummy man. (coming forward) I mean, I ... made the dummy. (gestures at it) The thing that you h*t that doesn't h*t back. (shrugs, looking embarrassed) That, I made. BUFFY: It's great. (to Giles) I-it's all great. GILES: (putting his glasses back on) Well, you've earned it. Truly. BUFFY: Thank you guys so much. You're like my ... fairy godmother and Santa Claus and Q all wrapped up into one. Riley looks confused. BUFFY: Q from Bond, not Star Trek. Xander nods. BUFFY: I'm gonna go change. Cut to the graveyard, night. The camera pans jerkily across gravestones and bushes. We hear the sound of someone panting. The camera moves up the stairs leading into a crypt. Cut to Spike sitting in his crypt, watching TV. SPIKE: Oh Pacey, you blind idiot. Can't you see she doesn't love you? Suddenly there's a banging on the door. Spike jumps up and turns off the TV. More banging and Harmony comes in, looking disheveled and nervous. She shuts the door behind her and presses her back against the wall. SPIKE: Well, well, well. Looky here. HARMONY: (anxiously) Is it safe? Has Buffy gotten to you yet? I saw her patrolling just now ... with a stake! (Spike pretends to look shocked) She won't give up until she's k*lled me to death! SPIKE: (skeptical) Buffy's looking for you. HARMONY: Of course! (walks forward) That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis! SPIKE: Is that right. I must have missed the memo. HARMONY: There was a mem-? (sighs) Spike, oh my god! This is like a real emergency! Uhh! (Spike grins) I need a hideout so bad. You're my only hope. We're just gonna have to rise above ... our petty differences... (looks anxiously at Spike) Listen, Spike ... I'm desperate. SPIKE: (still grinning, looking her up and down) Desperate, are you? Harmony smiles a cajoling smile. HARMONY: Come on, Spike. Pretty please? I'll do anything! SPIKE: Anything, will you? HARMONY: Yeah! I said I'll do anything. Spike raises his eyebrows. HARMONY: Ohhhh. You mean will I have sex with you? (shrugs casually, like "duh") Well, yeah. Spike grins to himself as Harmony sits in his chair and takes out a cigarette. She begins flicking a lighter, trying to light it. She flicks it quite a few times before she finally figures it out and gets the cigarette lit. SPIKE: Taking up smoking, are you? Harmony leans back in the chair. HARMONY: I *am* a villain, Spike, hellooooo. (Takes a drag and starts to cough) SPIKE: I guess you are at that. What with the slayer on your tail and all. Harmony watches him warily. SPIKE: She's not the type to give up, either. She'll hunt you down, day and night, till you're too tired and too hungry to run any more. And then? (leans down to grab a handful of dust) Then... (dusting off his hands) that is you. Harmony looks upset. SPIKE: I guess you're gonna have to k*ll her. HARMONY: (whining) I tried! It was all hard and stuff! (sits up) You do it. SPIKE: (looking down at her) I'd love to. But, I can't. Remember? I've got this cute little government chip in my head. HARMONY: (sighs) Oh, right. Guess it'll have to be me after all. (looks up at Spike again) Can you help with the thinking? SPIKE: (nods) Yeah. I suppose I could do that. Harmony smiles and sits back again, putting the cigarette to her lips. Cut to Buffy and Riley lying in bed, side-by-side. Riley is tapping his hands agitatedly on his chest. Buffy gives a contented sigh. RILEY: Yeah. BUFFY: Mm, that was relaxing. She turns onto her side as if to sleep. Riley continues patting himself, looks over at her. RILEY: You, uh ... wanna relax some more? (Turns onto his side and snuggles up against her) BUFFY: Again? Right away again? Riley is kissing her bare shoulder. RILEY: Maybe you're too tired. BUFFY: Hey. (reaches behind her to caress his cheek) I have the endurance of ten men. RILEY: Let's make it women, okay? (Buffy laughs) Just for the imagery. BUFFY: Whatever. You know, it takes a lot to wear me out. (turns toward him) RILEY: Oh, I love a challenge. BUFFY: Mm. Buffy turns back onto her back and Riley moves on top of her. They kiss passionately. DAWN VOICEOVER: Well, wouldn't you? Cut to Dawn in Joyce's kitchen, pouring from a box of Sugar b*mb cereal. There are a number of bowls on the table in front of her. DAWN: Every kid tries to make the substitute cry. It's like a rite of passage. We see Joyce in the background, cooking over the stove. JOYCE: I certainly would not. Being a substitute is an *extremely* difficult job. Besides... (looks at the bowls) Honestly, Dawn, how many bowls of cereal are you planning on eating? DAWN: Oh, these aren't for eating. I'm just trying to get the extra out of the way so I could... (sticks her hand in cereal box, pulls out a toy) get this. (She smiles cheerfully at Joyce and sits down.) Anyway, (pointing to Joyce) I want eggs. JOYCE: You want the cereal prize, but you don't want the cereal. You *are* growing up. All righty, half an omelette coming up. (Scooping the eggs onto two plates) DAWN: Oh, um, with ketchup if you please? JOYCE: Mm-hmm. Joyce turns away from the stove, holding the two plates. Suddenly she stops and blinks as if dizzy. Dawn looks up from unwrapping the prize. JOYCE: (confused) Oh, what is the... (looks at Dawn) Who are you? Dawn looks confused. Suddenly Joyce collapses to the floor, the plates shattering. Dawn jumps up in alarm. sh*t of Joyce lying unconscious on the floor, surrounded by pieces of plates and food. Dawn backs away, panting fearfully, and grabs the telephone. She dials 911. Cut to a hospital emergency room. Double doors burst open and Buffy pushes in past some people, followed by Riley. Long sh*t down the hospital hall. We see Dawn sitting on a chair, fiddling with a stethoscope that's hung around her neck. Buffy rushes up to her. BUFFY: Hey. How's Mom? Are you okay? (Hugs Dawn) DAWN: I'm okay. MAN: And your mom's doing just fine. A young man in a white coat approaches. Buffy lets go of Dawn and stands up. DAWN: (still sitting) This is Ben. He gave me his stethoscope. BEN: *Lent* you his stethoscope. Buffy, right? (holds out hand) I'm Ben, I'm an intern here. I've had the pleasure of hanging out with the renowned Dr. Dawn here while your mom's being tested. (Buffy shakes his hand) RILEY: So what's goin' on? What happened? BEN: Well, she's doing okay now ... the doctors don't really know what caused the collapse... We see Dawn putting the stethoscope earpieces in her ears and tapping the end with her fingers. The voices fade out; we can still hear them, but they're muffled as they would sound to Dawn with the stethoscope in her ears. BEN: (muffled)... it could've just been a dizzy spell, low blood sugar, that sort of thing. BUFFY: But it's nothing bad. I, I mean it's not ... serious, right? BEN: (muffled) Very unlikely. So your mom doesn't have a ... history of fainting? We see Dawn putting the stethoscope to Ben's chest. We hear a normal heartbeat. BUFFY: (muffled) No. I mean, not that I know of. She's usually really healthy. BEN: (muffled) Well, I think they'll be running tests for a few more hours... We see Dawn putting the stethoscope to Buffy's chest. We hear a normal heartbeat. BEN: (muffled) ...then they'll probably want her to come back for some follow-up tests in a couple weeks, but it really doesn't look like anything too serious. BUFFY: Oh, thank god. I was freaking out. We see Dawn getting up and walking around them. BEN: (muffled) I think you'll be able to take her home before too long. RILEY: (muffled) Well, that is definitely good news. We see Dawn putting the stethoscope to Riley's chest. We hear a heartbeat that is much too fast and irregular. Dawn's eyes widen and she looks up at Riley's face. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on a hospital exam room. Riley sits on the exam table buttoning up his shirt. DOCTOR: I know I'm repeating myself here, but I don't know what else to say to convince you. We see Buffy watching as a female doctor talks to Riley. The doctor is writing on her clipboard. DOCTOR: I have never in all my years of medicine let a patient with tachycardia this severe leave a hospital. RILEY: You said you couldn't keep me. DOCTOR: Legally, no, I can't force you to do a thing. (Riley nods and resumes buttoning his shirt) But with that pulse, believe me, I'd get on my knees and beg you if I thought I could change your mind. RILEY: You can't. I'm going home. DOCTOR: And your friend here can't convince you to- Riley holds up a hand to stop her. RILEY: I'm going. Buffy looks very concerned. DOCTOR: All right then, but you're leaving against my recommendation. The doctor leaves. Riley looks at Buffy, then stands up. BUFFY: What's going on? What are you doing? What if you have a heart att*ck? RILEY: (puts hands on her shoulders) Listen to me. Calm down. BUFFY: *Me* calm down? I'm not the one with a pulse of a hundred and fifty. RILEY: My heart's different than yours, Buffy. It works differently now, but it's okay. BUFFY: But you're still a human, Riley. You could still have a heart att*ck. RILEY: I'm a human who was used as a lab rat for months. They look up as the door opens. Joyce and Dawn enter. JOYCE: Hi. BUFFY: Hey. How are you? (hurries over to hug Joyce) JOYCE: Oh ... embarrassed, mostly. I'm sorry to put you through this. But, no more tests, so you can take this pincushion home. RILEY: Yes. (comes forward) Let's, uh, get outta here. He holds the door for Joyce and Dawn. Buffy gives him a concerned look, then exits also. Riley follows. Cut to Joyce's living room. Joyce is lying on the sofa, sipping from a mug, with Buffy and Dawn sitting by her. Willow stands beside the sofa. WILLOW: What about a crossword? Some people say feed a cold, I say puzzle it. JOYCE: Oh, no thanks, Willow. DAWN: I like chicken fingers with mustard when I'm sick. JOYCE: (puts mug on coffee table) I know you do, sweetie. I can make us some later. BUFFY: Oh, uh-uh. You are sitting right here on this couch today. JOYCE: I feel silly lying here like a lump! WILLOW: You could make a game out of it. A-a very quiet game, about being a lump. JOYCE: I feel fine. Honestly, I'm more concerned about Riley than I am about me. BUFFY: You shouldn't even be thinking about that. He's not worried, so I don't think we should be. Cut to Buffy's room. Buffy is pacing. Willow lies on the bed while Dawn sits on the floor, leaning against the bed. BUFFY: I don't get what he's thinking. (steps over Dawn as she paces around the bed) Why isn't he worried? WILLOW: Maybe he thinks his body can handle it. He *is* in really good shape. BUFFY: Nobody's body can handle a heart att*ck. (steps over Dawn to pace the other way again) WILLOW: I know. I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm trying too hard to make it okay. BUFFY: (sighs) I just keep coming back to the Initiative. Dawn watches her pace back and forth. WILLOW: It does have that icky government feel to it. DAWN: Did you know that one time the CIA tried to k*ll Fidel Castro with poisonous aspirin? BUFFY: Dawn, please. Dawn looks annoyed. Buffy sits on a chair. BUFFY: I know I have to do something, I just don't know what. DAWN: Another time the CIA- BUFFY: Dawn! DAWN: It's important. Buffy looks annoyed but nods. DAWN: (quickly) Tried to make Castro go crazy by putting itching powder in his beard. (Buffy raises her eyebrows accusingly) It's about the government! WILLOW: Call the Initiative. If they know what's wrong with him, they have to help. BUFFY: Yeah, but call them how? First of all, they don't exist any more, and secondly, they never *claimed* to exist in the first place. Willow looks defeated. BUFFY: (getting up) It's so unfair. I mean, i-it's like Big Brother can spy on you all the time, and-and the second I have something to say, no one will listen! DAWN: (muttering) Sounds more like Big Sister. WILLOW: There has to be a way. BUFFY: Like what? Take a tour of the White House and pretend to get lost, and look for some door with a sign on it that says "Secret Government Monster Hunters"? DAWN: If they're really spying on you all the time, you just say something so you know they'll hear you. (Buffy looks thoughtful) Like sometimes, I write fake things in my diary in case... (trails off) BUFFY: I gotta go. Uh, see you guys later. She grabs her bag and leaves. Dawn looks over at Willow. DAWN: What'd I say? Cut to Buffy entering Riley's room. We see a punching bag in the foreground. It's dark. BUFFY: Riley? No one's there. Buffy walks in, closing the door behind her. She picks up the phone and puts it to her ear. We hear a dial tone, alternating with clicking noises. BUFFY: (into phone) Riley's in trouble. He needs help. She hangs up. Fast music starts. Cut to Riley playing basketball with a bunch of other guys. They're all yelling. The camera moves very fast, as do the men, giving it all a dizzy frantic feeling. Riley is clearly playing very well. The other men shake their heads as the game ends. GUY: No way, man. RILEY: I'm out. He throws the ball to one of them. He's very sweaty. He turns and walks off. Riley walks past a bench where a guy is sitting. He glances at the guy, then away. RILEY: Graham. (Keeps walking) GRAHAM: Riley. (We see Graham sitting on the bench, talking over his shoulder) Can we talk? Riley bends over a water fountain and drinks. Graham gets up, gestures to two men standing nearby in button-down shirts. GRAHAM: Agent Goodman, Agent Brown. Riley walks toward Graham. RILEY: So talk. GRAHAM: What's goin' on, man? (Riley shrugs) You gotta get this taken care of immediately. We gotta get you into an operating room. RILEY: Very convincing. Makes me completely wanna put myself under government control. Graham stares Riley down with the two other agents behind him. Riley puts out his hands, in fists, with the wrists together, as if inviting handcuffs. RILEY: Please take me where they can make me unconscious and naked. GRAHAM: Hey, you think I'd pull something on you? RILEY: You're still in. I'm out. I don't know what orders you're following. GRAHAM: Oh, come on. You know Walsh pumped all those chemicals and crap into us. You got more than anyone. She messed us up bad. RILEY: (scornful) And now the government's knocking themselves out to kiss it and make it better. GRAHAM: Riley, I'm tellin' you, you need help. I'm not saying it to trick you. RILEY: (shakes head) Maybe you even believe it. GRAHAM: I know it. You don't want this. RILEY: You're sure you got the fix for it? GRAHAM: Yeah. We got a guy, a doctor. He's gonna take care of you, and we're going to him now. (Riley nods) I'm not givin' you a choice. RILEY: I guess you're not. Suddenly he punches Graham in the face. The other two agents grab both Riley's arms but he throws one of them off, knees the other one in the stomach and punches him. He blocks a kick from the first one, punches him, clotheslines him, throws the other one to the ground and runs off. Cut to interior of UC Sunnydale building. We see Buffy talking to Graham amid a crowd of students. Graham's face is bruised. BUFFY: So you messed up and now he's gone and when are you even gonna tell me what's wrong with him? GRAHAM: I'm not permitted to say. BUFFY: Say. GRAHAM: (sighs) Hyperadrenal overload and a bunch of stuff that sounds even worse than that, and all it means is he's way stronger than he oughta be and feeling no pain. His heart can't take it. We've been at him for weeks about it. Buffy sighs. GRAHAM: There's a specialist waiting at Sunnydale General, fourth floor neurology. Get Riley there. If you don't- BUFFY: I'll get him there. GRAHAM: (nods) I'll tell the doc. Buffy turns to walk off. Graham watches her go. GRAHAM: Buffy. She turns back. BUFFY: If you tell me to hurry ... I'll kick your ass. She walks off as Graham watches. Cut to sh*t of Sunnydale, evening. Fade to Riley walking through woods, approaching the entrance to a cave and entering it. Cut to interior of the magic shop. We see Willow and Tara sitting at the round table with Giles standing in the background. WILLOW: Poor Riley. GILES: Could he have simply gone back to his apartment? Giles walks toward them and we see Buffy standing beside the table. Xander and Anya are sitting across from Willow and Tara. BUFFY: No, he's not at his apartment, he's not at the gym, he's not at the library ... he's gone somewhere where he doesn't wanna be found. ANYA: So basically he's gone AWOL. BUFFY: Basically exactly. WILLOW: Poor Buffy. XANDER: Maybe he just needs some time alone. Like, I had this friend once, who really liked this girl, and ... he got all worried that maybe she didn't like him back... (Buffy and Giles look confused) and maybe that made him act like a total jerk. Maybe Riley reminds me of that friend. Anya smiles. WILLOW: What are you talking about? XANDER: Then again, maybe not. Maybe he just wants attention. BUFFY: Well, here's a hot tip, if you want attention? *Be* there so people can give it to you. ANYA: (softly) I care about you, Xander. XANDER: (smiles confusedly) Thanks. ANYA: (smiles) Don't be insecure. XANDER: (shrugs, shakes his head) Thanks ... I won't. ANYA: And, I also have this "friend" (making air-quotes) and, uh, I have it on really good authority that she really likes that guy, your "friend" (air-quotes) ... and, by the by, my friend- BUFFY: You guys, enough! (Anya and Xander look embarrassed) Okay, Riley is in real danger here. (sighs) Anya, Xander, why don't you guys check the docks. Anya and Xander nod. XANDER: Aye aye. They get up and leave. WILLOW: Tara and I can scope out the b*rned-out school. Riley hid there once. Maybe he ... feels it's homey or something. BUFFY: (thoughtful) Homey. You know what else he might find homey in a ... dank, unpleasant evil sort of way? (Giles sits in Xander's vacated seat) The Initiative caves. I don't know them too well. GILES: (sipping tea) We do have an associate who knows those caves like the back of his ... melanin-deprived hand. BUFFY: (sighs) I *so* don't want to deal with Spike right now. That guy is really starting to bug me in that special "I wanna shove something wooden through his heart" kinda way. WILLOW: He does seem extra twitchy lately. Maybe the whole not k*lling is gettin' to him. BUFFY: Plus hanging out all day in that moldy crypt, you just *know* he's doing something nasty. Cut to Spike sitting with Harmony in the crypt. SPIKE: Okay, is it bigger than a breadbox? HARMONY: (smiling) No. Four left. SPIKE: So it's smaller than a breadbox. HARMONY: (giggling) No! Only three! SPIKE: (quietly annoyed) Harmony ... is it a sodding breadbox? HARMONY: (clapping and laughing) Yes! Oh my god! Someone's blondie bear is a twenty-question genius! Banging on the door. Harmony stops laughing and looks scared. HARMONY: She's found me! She jumps up and runs over to a coffin, climbs into it. Spike follows and slides the lid onto the coffin, then sits on top of it trying to look casual. Buffy busts the door open and strides in. BUFFY: I've got a proposition for you. SPIKE: (jumping off the coffin) Funny, I've got a proposition for you, what about knocking? (Buffy ignores him, pulling out a wad of cash and unfolding it) Seems only fair since we vamps can't enter your flat without an invite, you could at least - Say, look at those pretty pieces of paper. BUFFY: Riley's sick with some Initiative thing and he's missing. I think he might be in the caves. You find him, bring him to the fourth floor of the hospital, their doctors get to him in time... (holds up the money) you get the cash. SPIKE: Oh, dear, is the enormous hall monitor sick? Tell me, is he gonna die? Buffy slaps him across the face. BUFFY: He is not the only person that can die. SPIKE: Hey. I'm just saying, if it's really that important to you, I think I'll get half now. Buffy looks at the money in her hand. She rips the bills in half, slams one half against Spike's chest, and strides out. Spike watches her go, then looks down at the half-bills in his hand. Harmony pushes the coffin lid aside and peeks out. HARMONY: So? What'd she say about me? Cut to hospital corridor. The double-doors open and Graham walks through, walks down the hallway, past a security guard who nods at him. Graham goes through another set of double-doors and enters a lab. The doctor (Dr. Overheiser) is there. OVERHEISER: Any word? GRAHAM: They'll be here any minute. Overheiser looks at a folder in his hand. GRAHAM: That's soon enough, right? I mean, if we bring him in now? OVERHEISER: I'll be honest. I'm not sure it's soon enough if you brought him in yesterday. Knock on the door. Graham turns. GRAHAM: Finally. He opens the door to see the security guard apparently standing there. Then the guard falls forward, his head hitting Graham's. Graham falls back and the guard falls on top of him as we see Harmony walking in behind the d*ad guard. Overheiser looks up in alarm. Spike follows Harmony in, carrying a crossbow. He tosses it to Harmony, who catches it and points it at the doctor, letting the tip of the arrow touch his cheek. SPIKE: You got yourself a new patient, doc. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on Buffy walking in the woods, holding a flashlight. It's dark. She finds the cave entrance that Riley used earlier, and walks in. Exterior sh*t of a college building. Cut to interior of a room with several tiers of chairs. The door opens and Spike enters, followed by Overheiser and then Harmony with the crossbow. OVERHEISER: Look, you don't understand. This is a complicated neurological procedure and I've never performed it before. They walk down the steps, past rows of seats, into a surgical theatre. SPIKE: Little performance anxiety, eh doc? (Takes off his jacket, sits on the operating table) Butterflies in the old belly? Harm, do us a favor. sh**t the nasty butterflies for the good doctor. (Overheiser looks from Harmony to Spike and moves toward the operating table) There you go. It's not so complicated. Just do whatever those Initiative lab monkeys did, only backwards. Harmony sits on a nearby counter. OVERHEISER: This is a medical school, not a proper operating facility, these instruments... (gesturing at the tray of instruments) SPIKE: (sighs) They look pointy enough. They'll do. He lies back on the table with his hands behind his head. OVERHEISER: You're not listening. That chip is deeply imbedded in your cerebral cortex. Removing it could leave you a vegetable. SPIKE: That's not gonna happen, mate. See, I have faith in your survival instinct. He looks significantly over at Harmony. Overheiser looks too. Harmony smiles and lifts the crossbow. SPIKE: (smiling) Yeah. You'll have me up and k*lling before the night's over. (Note: although it sounds like "k*lling," and the closed-captions say "k*lling," his lips clearly say "fighting.") Overheiser looks apprehensive. Spike continues to grin. SPIKE: Come on, doc! (nudges the doctor with his foot) You'll do me right. Nothing bad'll happen to you. Suddenly an arrow flies across the room, narrowly missing the doctor, and lodging in the wall opposite. Spike and Overheiser look at it, startled, then look over at Harmony. HARMONY: Oops. (grinning apologetically) String was slippy. Cut to exterior sh*t of the b*rned-out old Sunnydale High School building. WILLOW VOICEOVER: (calling) Riley! Cut to inside. Willow and Tara walking through the rubble. TARA: This place kinda creeps me out. WILLOW: You shoulda been here when it was a school. (calls) Riley! They walk on, very slowly, looking nervous. WILLOW: Oof. Darkness. TARA: Piles of it. We shoulda brought a flashlight. WILLOW: Ooh! I know! (reaches into her bag) Better to light a candle than curse the damn darkness. (Smiles. Pulls a small bottle out of her bag) A little spell. (Shows it to Tara) Fiat lux! (Latin, translation: "let there be light") Willow throws the bottle at the ground. There's a big burst of flame and then the entire area is lit with a soft diffuse light. TARA: Wow. WILLOW: There, that's better. Tara stares at her in amazement. WILLOW: (calling) Riley! Come on out! She begins to walk again. Tara follows, still staring. TARA: How'd you do that? With the light? WILLOW: Oh, you know. You taught me. TARA: I taught you teeny Tinkerbell light. WILLOW: Okay, so I ... tinkered with the Tinkerbell. It was easy. And besides, isn't this better than ... using a flashlight like some kind of doofus? Cut to Buffy with a flashlight, walking through the caves, calling. BUFFY: Riley? Riley, answer me. (mutters softly) Please. She walks on. Pan across the rocks, with vines growing on them. We hear a repetitive knocking noise. BUFFY: Riley? She rounds a corner and finds Riley punching the rock wall. There's a large cavity in the wall where he's clearly been punching for some time. He's shiny with sweat and looks tired. RILEY: (not looking at Buffy) You know, this doesn't even hurt. BUFFY: Your hand is bleeding. RILEY: (looks at her) Don't feel a thing. He moves to punch the wall again but Buffy stops him. BUFFY: This stops now. I'm taking you to the doctor. RILEY: The one from the government, you mean? Like the ones who did this to me in the first place? (Puts up a hand in a "no thanks" gesture and backs away) BUFFY: (moving toward him) He's the only one that understands what's wrong with you. He's the only one that can help. RILEY: What's wrong with me? I'm more powerful than I've ever been, Buffy. Most people would k*ll to feel this way. BUFFY: Yeah, and this feeling is *going* to k*ll you. Riley, your body was not built for this kind of strength- RILEY: I can handle it. This is my deal, Buffy, just ... back off. He walks past her. She turns to watch him. BUFFY: What is this? He stops walking, turns back to her. BUFFY: What's happening to you? RILEY: I go back ... let the government get whimsical with my innards again ... They could do anything that- Best-case scenario, they turn me into Joe Normal, just... (sighs) Just another guy. BUFFY: And that's not enough for you? RILEY: It's not enough for *you*. BUFFY: Why would you say that? RILEY: Come on. Your last boyfriend wasn't exactly a civilian. BUFFY: So that's what this is about? You're going to die, all over some macho pissing contest. RILEY: (shakes his head) It's not about him. It's about us. (Buffy shakes her head, not understanding) You're getting stronger every day, more powerful. I can't touch you. Every day, you're just ... a little further out of my reach. BUFFY: You wanna touch me? (walks toward him) I'm right here. I'm not the one running away. RILEY: Not yet. BUFFY: So you have this all figured out? I'm bailing because you're not in the super club. RILEY: (shrugs) It's human nature. BUFFY: (angrily) Don't Psych 101 me. (Riley looks away) Not now. Not after everything that ... Nobody has ever known me the way you do. Nobody. (Riley doesn't look at her) I've opened up to you in ways that I've never opened up to ... God, you're just sitting back there thinking that none of this means anything to me. RILEY: (still not looking at her) I never said that. BUFFY: (teary-eyed) Because it obviously doesn't mean anything to you. Do you really think so little of me- RILEY: Buffy. BUFFY: No! No. Do you think that I spent the last year with you because you had super powers? If that's what I wanted, then I'd be dating Spike. (quietly) Riley, I need you. (He looks at her, looks apprehensive) I need you with me ... and I need you healthy. But if you wanna throw it all away because you don't trust me, then ... (firmly) then I'm still gonna make you go to that doctor. Riley looks at her, looks away. He sighs. RILEY: Take me to him. Buffy nods. BUFFY: We have to hurry. She strides past him, but he grabs her arm and turns her to face him. RILEY: Loving you is the scariest thing I've ever done, Buffy. BUFFY: I don't know why. She puts her hand over his heart. BUFFY: The doctor said we didn't have much time. They walk off. Cut to Spike on the operating table. A sheet lies vertically over the top of his head, and his eyes are closed. As the camera pulls back we see the doctor wearing rubber gloves, working on Spike's head. Harmony comes into view, walking behind Overheiser. HARMONY: I read in a magazine that some women think a man's real sex organ is his brain. She leans next to the doctor and looks at where his hands are. HARMONY: Yecch! No contest. I mean, look at it. It's so ... pink and wriggly-looking. (grins suddenly; to the doctor) Can I touch it? Spike's eyes pop open. SPIKE/OVERHEISER: (unison) No! HARMONY: (looking over at Spike's face) Oh my god, you're awake? OVERHEISER: Local anesthetic. HARMONY: Wow, Spikey, how does it feel? SPIKE: Like someone's cutting into my brain with a Kn*fe, you silly bint. Harmony looks back at Spike's brain. HARMONY: (to doctor) You know what it means that he can't hurt any living thing? It means he can't even pick flowers. SPIKE: What? Yes I can! OVERHEISER: (softly) Please be quiet. Everyone is quiet for a moment. Then Harmony points at Spike's brain again. HARMONY: Is it supposed to do that? OVERHEISER: Please. For god's sake, please, be quiet. HARMONY: Listen, buster. I don't see a crossbow in *your* hands, okay? SPIKE: Harmony, if your incessant prattling bolloxes up this operation, I'm gonna personally yank out your pink and wriggly tongue. Overheiser looks at Harmony. HARMONY: What are you looking at? Cut to the hospital room. Riley and Buffy come through the double-doors and find the security guard and Graham on the floor. BUFFY: Uh-oh. Buffy bends over the guard while Riley goes to Graham. RILEY: Graham. Graham. (Helps him sit up. Riley holds up two fingers) How many fingers I got? GRAHAM: Seventeen. Riley and Buffy exchange a concerned look. GRAHAM: Hostile 17 and a blonde girl. BUFFY: (sighs) Spike and Harmony, together again. Riley helps Graham stand up. They look around. GILES: Where's Dr. Overheiser? BUFFY: Uh, Spike must have taken him. What would Spike want with - (The clue hits) The chip. He's gonna force the doctor to remove the chip from his brain. Riley bends over and puts his hands on his knees, panting. He's pale and sweaty. BUFFY: Riley? RILEY: (straightens up, breathlessly) I'm okay. Okay. GRAHAM: (to Buffy) We're running out of time. We don't find the medic soon, he's not gonna make it. BUFFY: (thinking fast) Okay, okay, brain surgery. He, he's gonna need a medical facility, he-he's gonna need, uh, uh, equipment... GRAHAM: This is a big hospital. BUFFY: No, uh-uh, he wouldn't do it here. It's too risky. We'll split up. Graham, get on the horn, or the ... pipe, or whatever you guys get on, I-I want you to check animal hospitals, doctors' offices... Graham walks to the door. Riley stops him. RILEY: Hey, about before... GRAHAM: We're good. Apologize later, if you're not d*ad. He leaves. Riley looks nervously at Buffy. She walks toward him. BUFFY: (firmly) You are *not* going to die. RILEY: Bet you say that to all the boys. BUFFY: No. There is one peroxided pest whose number is up. (They start to walk off) When I get my hands on Spike, I'm gonna rip his head off, I'm gonna... Cut to closeup of Spike's face. He's still on the operating table. SPIKE: ...bathe in the slayer's blood. Gonna dive in it. (with relish) Swim in it. sh*t of Overheiser and Harmony behind the sheet, staring at Spike's brain. Harmony is smoking another cigarette. SPIKE: I'm gonna do the bloody backstroke. Harmony blows out smoke, which drifts toward Spike's face. She begins to jump up and down. HARMONY: I see it, Spikey! I see the chip! It's nestled in there like ... a pretty little Easter egg with your brain all around it like that green plastic grassy stuff ... only this is more a beige, like- OVERHEISER: Would you please put out that cigarette? It's really not allowed. HARMONY: Oh yeah? Says who? The doctor turns to look pointedly at the NO SMOKING sign on the wall. HARMONY: Oh god, sorry! Didn't see the sign! She turns away to put out the cigarette. The doctor turns and drops something into a dish. It makes a metallic clinking noise. OVERHEISER: The chip's out. (Harmony squeals excitedly) Didn't think I could do it, I just ... it's out. SPIKE: Yeah? HARMONY: (jumping up and down, clapping) Yay! Yay for Spikey! SPIKE: Right then. (determinedly) Stitch me up, doc. Got places to go. And slayers to k*ll. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on Harmony holding the crossbow. Pan across to Spike, sitting up while the doctor puts a few last stitches in his head. SPIKE: Listen to me. My stomach's growling, I'm so starved. (The doc looks nervous, begins to apply a bandage) I'm afraid I'm gonna have to have me a little snack. Overheiser looks very nervous. Spike turns his head to speak over his shoulder. SPIKE: Oh, don't worry. I won't fill up on the bread. I'll still have plenty of room for the main course. The door opens and Buffy walks in, followed by Riley. SPIKE: (fiercely) Slayer! He jumps off the table. Harmony moves to stand beside him, holding the crossbow. Buffy and Riley stand side-by-side. Faceoff. The doctor tries to sidle around toward the door. Spike morphs into vampire face. SPIKE: Suit up, Harm. Harmony morphs into vampire face. Buffy turns to stop the doc as he tries to leave. BUFFY: Stay here. (She pushes him so he falls to the floor) We're gonna need you. SPIKE: Buffy. I swear I was just thinking of you. I wanted to tell you the great news. My head's all clear now. No more bug-zapper in my noggin. BUFFY: That means I get to k*ll you. SPIKE: You get to try. The standoff continues. Suddenly the crossbow goes off and the arrow flies, landing in Riley's leg. Buffy looks over at him. Riley doesn't seem to react. HARMONY: Oops. Riley storms toward her. She moves toward him. He brushes the crossbow out of her hands. Buffy punches Spike in the face. Riley throws Harmony down on the operating table, picks her up and throws her against a wall full of equipment. Buffy punches Spike in the face a few more times; he stumbles back against the operating table. Riley punches Harmony, throws her across the room, leans against a counter panting. He turns as Harmony shoves a wheeled chair toward him. He trips over it and goes down. Harmony kicks him in the face. Spike jumps up onto the operating table and grins down at Buffy. In the background we can still see and hear Riley and Harmony exchanging blows. SPIKE: At long last. He leaps on top of Buffy, carrying her to the ground and landing on top of her. He pins her hands down and bends to bite her neck. Buffy struggles. Spike gives a yell of pain and jerks backward. Buffy punches him, then shoves him off her so he lands next to the doctor. Spike looks angrily at Overheiser, who looks scared. Riley punches Harmony in the face; she kicks him away. He starts toward her again but stops, grabbing his chest and groaning in pain. BUFFY: Riley! Riley stumbles against a metal table and falls down with it on top of him. Harmony looks at her fist, then runs off. Buffy crawls over to Riley and puts her hands on his chest. BUFFY: Riley. Spike gets up and opens the container where the doctor supposedly put his chip. He takes out a penny from inside it. SPIKE: (looking at doctor) A penny? OVERHEISER: (getting up) I told you I couldn't do it. BUFFY: Oh god. Doctor! Doctor, we need you *now*! The doctor rushes to lift the table off of Riley as Spike and Harmony move to the door. Spike grabs his jacket and pauses to look back, then turns and leaves. Buffy and the doctor lift Riley up to a sitting position. Cut to exterior graveyard, night. Spike and Harmony run between the trees and gravestones. SPIKE: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there! That nasty little face, that ... bouncing shampoo-commercial hair, that whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude. HARMONY: Well, aren't we kinda unholy, by the- SPIKE: She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike round the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of t*rture. He stops running, picks up a headstone and throws it against another. Harmony cringes as the dust showers her. HARMONY: Spike! SPIKE: You don't understand. I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere. She's haunting me, Harmony! He grabs her upper arms. She looks very scared. Spike stares at her, slowly calms down. SPIKE: (quietly) This ... has got to end. Cut to Riley lying on the operating table, with the doctor putting a bandage on his chest. Buffy walks in. OVERHEISER: All patched up. Overheiser exits and Riley sits up. We see that in addition to being shirtless, he's also only wearing half a pair of jeans -- the other pant-leg was cut away to help get the arrow out of his leg. Another bandage is wrapped around his thigh. He picks up his shirt and begins to put it on. Buffy puts one hand on Riley's good leg and lightly touches the bandage on his chest with her other hand. BUFFY: How's it goin' in there? RILEY: Good. Back to normal. Buffy leans her head against his chest to listen to his heartbeat. BUFFY: Yep. He strokes her hair. She leans back and takes his bruised hand in hers, pulling his hand to her heart. BUFFY: And see ... I'm still touchable. RILEY: (nods) Give me a week or so to heal, and ... I'll take full advantage of that fact. Buffy smiles, still holding his hand BUFFY: Are you gonna be okay? 'Cause I should really go check on my mom. Riley looks up at her. RILEY: Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. I'll be fine. BUFFY: I'll talk to you later. He nods. She leans up and kisses him softly, then turns away. sh*t of Riley's hands as Buffy pulls her out of his grasp and leaves. sh*t of Riley watching her go, looking pensive. Cut to Riley and Graham walking down the hall in a dorm or frat building. Riley has a noticeable limp. Graham's face is still bruised. GRAHAM: It's a good thing Buffy found you when she did, 'cause you were about to detonate big-time. Always said she's pretty impressive. RILEY: You know, she really is. GRAHAM: But you know you don't belong here, right? (Keeps walking and talking although Riley has stopped walking and is staring at his back) This town? I mean, you're nothin' here. RILEY: Hey. (Graham stops walking, turns to look at him) What are you saying? GRAHAM: Come on, man. You know it's true. There's nothing for you here. RILEY: There's her. GRAHAM: Okay, right, there's her. And? You used to have a mission, and now you're what? The mission's boyfriend? Mission's true love? Riley looks at the floor, then walks on, past Graham. GRAHAM: You belong with us. Riley doesn't reply, keeps walking. Graham watches him go. Cut to Spike's crypt. Spike is sleeping in his chair. Banging noises. Spike opens his eyes and gets up as the door flies open and Buffy walks in. SPIKE: Should have known it's you. Been nearly six hours. BUFFY: Well, it would've been less if I wasn't busy cleaning up your mess. SPIKE: *My* mess? I just *borrowed* the doc. The mess is yours, Slayer. Yours and the boy's. BUFFY: I'm done. She takes a stake from her back pocket and walks toward Spike. He looks surprised. BUFFY: Spike, you're a k*ller. And I shoulda done this *years* ago. Spike looks her in the eye. SPIKE: You know what? Do it. Bloody just do it. BUFFY: What? SPIKE: End ... my ... torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around. Take me ... out of a world ... that has you in it! (Yanks off his shirt and throws it aside) Just k*ll me! Buffy stares at him, then raises her stake and lunges. Spike winces, but she stops at the last minute. They stare into each other's eyes. Suddenly Spike grabs Buffy by the upper arms and kisses her passionately. She returns the kiss. It goes on for a moment and then Buffy pulls back with a little noise of dismay, bringing her hand to her mouth. She stares at Spike and he stares back, both panting. The stake is gone from her hand. Slowly Buffy drops her hand from her mouth and walks back to Spike, putting both her hands to the back of his head and pulling him down toward her. They kiss again, very passionate. Spike brings his hands up to clutch her back, kissing her cheek and the side of her neck. BUFFY: (panting) Spike ... I want you. SPIKE: (muffled against her neck) Buffy, I love you. He pulls back. Closeup of Buffy staring at him. SPIKE: (OS) God, I love you so much. Cut to Spike sitting up in bed with a gasp. sh*t of Harmony sleeping in the bed next to him. sh*t of Spike sitting up in the bed, looking horrified, while Harmony continues to sleep. SPIKE: Oh, god, no. Closeup of Spike's face. SPIKE: Please, no. Blackout. The sound of Spike panting continues as the producer credit appears. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x04 - Out of My Mind"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Spike and Buffy kissing. SPIKE VOICEOVER: Buffy, I love you. Spike sitting up in bed looking horrified. Willow arranging stones on the floor in a square. WILLOW: We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy. TARA: Are you sure we're ready for that? Willow pouring herbs into Tara's hand. Willow bl*wing herbs off her own hand. Tara hiding her herbs under the bed and pretending to blow them away. Willow looking confused. WILLOW: Or not. Glory talking to a monk tied to a chair. GLORY: Tell me ... where ... the key is. Monk talking to Buffy. MONK: The key is energy. It's a portal. My brethren sent it to you. BUFFY: Dawn. She's not my sister? MONK: She doesn't know that. Buffy brushing hair back from Dawn's face. Episode begins. We see Willow and Tara's kitten playing with a small ball of yarn. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Tell me a story. TARA VOICEOVER: Okay. Once upon a time, there was, um ... a kitty. She was very little, and she was all alone, and nobody wanted her. WILLOW VOICEOVER: This is a very upsetting story. TARA VOICEOVER: Oh, oh, but it gets better. The kitten runs offscreen. Cut to a sh*t of her trying to crawl under a bed. TARA VOICEOVER: 'Cause one day the kitty was running around in the street and a man came, and swooped her up... A pair of hands comes into the sh*t and swoops up the kitten. TARA: And took her to the pound. We see Tara sitting on the end of Willow's bed lifting the kitten into her lap. Willow is in the bed, under the covers. TARA: And at the pound there were lots of other kitties, and there were puppies, and some ferrets... WILLOW: (smiling) Were there dolphins? TARA: (handing kitten to Willow) Yes. Many dolphins at the pound. WILLOW: Or was there a camel? TARA: (thinks) There was the front of a camel. A half camel. (Smiles) WILLOW: (cuddling kitten) Did the kitty get chosen by some nice people? TARA: Well, now you ruined the ending. WILLOW: Mmm... (lets go of the kitten and it runs off) I'm sleepy. TARA: Do you mind if I keep the light on? I was gonna look up some spells. WILLOW: It's fine. (pouts) I don't need to be snuggled. (smiles) TARA: (smiles back) Vixen! Tara takes some books that are on the bed and piles them up on the floor. WILLOW: You've been spell gal night and day lately. TARA: Well, I just wanna keep up with you, and I'm ... well, I just like to be useful. You know, to the g*ng? (Willow looks concerned) I just ... never ... feel useful. WILLOW: You are. You're essential. Tara smiles. She comes over and gets under the covers with Willow, turning off the light. TARA: Do you think Buffy found out anything tonight? WILLOW: At the factory? I don't know. If there was something, I figured she'd call us. Tara lies down, putting her head on Willow's shoulder, and they snuggle up together. Cut to Joyce's house, night. Giles and Buffy sit in the living room. They talk quietly. GILES: Uh, I don't know what to say. BUFFY: Tell me about it. (looks toward the stairs) GILES: She has no idea? BUFFY: No. She thinks she's my kid sister. GILES: Are you going to tell her? BUFFY: How can I? (sighs, gets up) She'd freak, and that's the last thing we need. She walks to the doorway and looks up the stairs. BUFFY: (sighs) We have to keep her safe. She turns and walks back into the living room. GILES: This ... woman, this, uh, whatever she was... she knows you now. (Buffy sits) Should we be thinking about ... sending Dawn away? BUFFY: Away where? GILES: I don't know, uh ... your father's? BUFFY: (scoffs) Yeah, he's, um ... in Spain, with his secretary. Living the cliche. (Giles looks sympathetic.) I called him when Mom got sick, he hasn't even... GILES: I'm sorry. b*at. BUFFY: When he bailed on us ... I remember, Dawn cried for a week. Except she didn't. She wasn't there, but ... I can still feel what it was like. Giles puts his hand over his mouth and frowns. BUFFY: They sent her to me, Giles. I think ... I have to take care of her. I want to. GILES: Do we tell the others? BUFFY: No. No one. They-they'd act weird around her, and it's, it's safer for everyone if they don't know. GILES: Yes. (Stands, begins to pace) We have to find out who this woman is, and what she needs Dawn for. Buffy ponders this. GILES: I mean, if she comes after you- BUFFY: She'll come. (Looks toward the stairs) She'll come for us. Cut to a pile of rubble that suddenly explodes upward as Glory throws it off of her. She rises in the middle of the destroyed building, still wearing her red dress. She looks around angrily. GLORY: Okay. Now I'm upset. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Mercedes McNab, Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Amy Adams, Steve Rankin, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written and directed by Joss Whedon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exterior sh*t of UC Sunnydale, day. Cut to inside dorm. Buffy is stacking some boxes in the hallway. Xander and Riley are carrying a mini-fridge out of a dorm room. Xander bumps his hand on the door frame. XANDER: Ow! Thumb! Necessary opposable thumb! RILEY: Sorry. Crybaby. BUFFY: You know what, you guys, just leave it here. RILEY: Got it. He and Xander put down the fridge. Dawn emerges from another door, carrying a stack of boxes that obscure her vision. DAWN: I don't need help. BUFFY: Just be careful. Buffy turns and enters through the door Dawn just exited. We see Willow, Anya, and Giles in a dorm room, surrounded by boxes. ANYA: But we just helped her move the stuff in a few days ago... (turns and sees Buffy) ...and it was fun! GILES: (reading a book) People help each other out, Anya. It's one of our strange customs. BUFFY: Giles, I noticed you're doing the smallest amount of helping that can actually be called helping. GILES: Well, I saw myself in more of a ... patriarchal sort of role. You know, lots of pointing and scowling. (Smiles. Looks to his left, points and scowls.) You two, stop that! sh*t of Xander and Riley grappling, bent over at the waist. Xander has Riley in a headlock. RILEY: He started it. XANDER: He called me a bad name. (Tara looks at them and grins) I think it was bad. It might've been Latin. GILES: Stop it, or you're going to break something. BUFFY: Or I'm going to break something. The guys suddenly let each other go and straighten up. We see Willow and Tara folding clothes, smiling at each other. XANDER: Still can't believe you're giving up this cherry corner suite. ANYA: (re-entering from hallway) Just a few days after we moved you in! BUFFY: (shrugs, tries to look casual) It's no big. (Giles looks up from his book) You know, with Mom not being well, I'm hardly ever here. (Picks up a pile of clothes to put in a box) Just figured I'd ... save a little cash for this semester, that's all. WILLOW: I think that's smart. XANDER: Still, it's hard to give up. You've got the two entrances (pointing to the two doors to the room) lot of opportunity for bawdy French farce, and everybody loves bawdy- BUFFY: Where's Dawn? RILEY: I think she just walked out. (Points out one of the doors) BUFFY: (hurrying forward) Dawn! Dawn re-enters and breezes past Buffy. DAWN: Some of your CDs are my CDs. BUFFY: I know. Come help me fold. Tara smiles at them. Everyone returns to packing and carrying (and reading in Giles' case). Willow takes a suitcase and leaves the room. Buffy bends over to fold something and grabs her lower back with a sigh. RILEY: Starting to feel that fight? Buffy and Dawn fold a sheet. BUFFY: Nothing like gettin' your ass kicked to ... make your ass hurt. DAWN: You'll totally take her next time. XANDER: 'Cause you'll have backup, baby. She's messin' with all of us. GILES: Yes, uh, we'll, we'll, uh, find her weaknesses, and then, uh- TARA: Yeah. You learn her source, (grins) and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection. Everyone looks at her in confusion. Tara stops smiling. TARA: Um ... that, that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites... (softly) and are a complete dork. RILEY: Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh? (Tara takes a box and exits) XANDER: (not realizing he's been insulted) I don't know that Taglarin stuff. RILEY: Oh. Cut to Tara walking out into the hall, shaking her head. Willow approaches. WILLOW: Hey. You wanna start taking stuff down to the car? TARA: (nods) Yeah. WILLOW: Okay. Willow goes back into the dorm room. Tara walks off with her box. TARA: (whispering to herself) Stupid... Cut to Willow re-entering the dorm room. WILLOW: Okay. Guys, now remember, you have to be at the Bronze by eight. Everyone looks blank. BUFFY: Bronze. WILLOW: Tomorrow night! Tara's birthday! BUFFY: Right! Right. ANYA: (to Xander) We have to bring presents, right? Birth is a present thing? XANDER: I got something ... picked out, yeah. WILLOW: (anxious) You-you guys can all still come, right? I mean, I know there's ... this new evil and all, but... BUFFY: No, no. We'll be there. I could definitely use a break from all this craziness. Cut to a woman in a hospital gown, being wheeled on a gurney through a hospital hallway. Hospital noises. Camera pulls back and we see a male intern pulling the gurney. Ben approaches. BEN: What's the story? INTERN: Another crazy. Got her family out there. (nods toward waiting room) BEN: OK, let me guess, no history of mental problems. INTERN: Yeah. That makes like five this month. BEN: Ah, they told me Sunnydale was gonna be interesting. INTERN: (chuckles) Yeah. Aren't you off? BEN: (looks at watch) Yeah, as of now. Have fun. He turns and walks off. Cut to hospital locker room. Ben enters, walks past two rows of lockers, opens a locker, begins taking his clothes off and putting them in the locker. Pan back across the two rows of lockers. A Lei-Ach demon comes into view. It has gray skin broken by red bloody-looking sores, and dark sunken eyes. It opens its mouth and puts out a thick, black, forked tongue. Its nose twitches as it walks forward, putting out its tongue again with a hissing noise. Glory comes into the sh*t, putting one hand over the demon's mouth, the other hand on the back of its head. GLORY: I need a favor. She pushes the demon backward out of the sh*t. Cut to the magic shop. Anya hands a paper bag to a customer. ANYA: (smiling) Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. (Yelling after the departing customer) Please come again for more purchases! Giles comes into the sh*t and puts a box on the counter. GILES: Could we please be a little less effusive, Anya? Don't want to frighten the people. ANYA: I'm just so excited. They come in, I help them ... they give us money in exchange for goods ... you give me money for working for you ... I have a place in the world now. I'm part of the system. (smiles widely) I'm a working gal. GILES: (smiles) Yes. Well, why don't you start organizing the shipping orders. (Takes the box and starts to walk off) ANYA: Oh, no, that's boring. I just want to do the money parts. Buffy and Xander enter. BUFFY: Well, sure I forgot about the party. I mean, there's kind of a lot going on. And it's not ... you know ... the most thrilling social event of the season. XANDER: (nods) Yeah ... it's a big deal for Willow, though. I mean, you are gonna be there? BUFFY: Yeah. (shrugs) Barring monsters. ANYA: Hey, hi. (Leans over the counter toward Xander) XANDER: Gimme sugar. I've come to buy sugar. He puts his hands on Anya's face and they kiss. ANYA: Mmm. We value your patronage. BUFFY: (to Giles) So, any breakthroughs on the identity of Miss Congeniality? GILES: Well, I have narrowed it down somewhat. He looks down at a table. The camera pans out so we can see the large assortment of books spread out on the table. BUFFY: Your definition of narrow is impressively wide. GILES: Well, you didn't give me much to go on. She-she looks human, so the mug sh*ts aren't any use, and, uh, you can't be more specific about what she's like? BUFFY: (ponders) She was kinda like Cordelia, actually. (Giles nods thoughtfully) I'm pretty sure she dyes her hair. GILES: Right! That one, of course. Our work is done. BUFFY: There must be something on her. (sits at table as Xander approaches) XANDER: (melodramatically) The answer is somewhere here. (stares at the book-covered table) It's right in front of us and we're too blind to see it! (Slams his hand down on the table) Buffy gives him an exasperated look. Giles rolls his eyes. XANDER: I'm helping, I'm reading, (sits, whispers) I'm quiet. Giles takes a box and begins climbing some stairs to the loft. Buffy and Xander sit at the table looking at books. BUFFY: So ... what'd you get her? XANDER: Huh? BUFFY: Tara. You said you got a present already. XANDER: Yeah, that was a tangled web of lies, sweetie. I'm not really sure what kind of thing she'd ... I mean, I don't really know her that well. BUFFY: (nods) I know. XANDER: (quickly) I mean, she's nice. BUFFY: (quickly) Yeah! Yeah, nice ... nice. I-it's just, I-I sort of... XANDER: I don't necessarily get her ... but she's really nice. BUFFY: Yeah. There's ... just that thing. XANDER: (agreeing) That thing. BUFFY: That ... thing of not understanding- XANDER: Half of what she says? BUFFY: As for example. But she's super nice. XANDER: You betcha. They continue looking at books. BUFFY: Think there'll be a lot of Wiccas there, heavy Wiccan crowd? XANDER: Well, that's sort of her deal. Her and Willow are all Wiccie. Swingin' with the Wiccan lifestyle. BUFFY: Which is cool. XANDER: Well, yeah. BUFFY: I just hope we fit in, not awkward. XANDER: With Willow it's like, she's got this ... whole new thing in her life. But she's still Willow, so I can always figure her out. But Tara, I just know she likes Willow, and she already has one of those. Buffy groans and slams a book shut. BUFFY: Ugh! I have a present-buying headache. Tara's damn birthday is just one too many things for me to worry about. XANDER: Relax. You should take a few minutes. (jerks his thumb toward the training room in the back) Train or stretch out. You should do something to ... work off the tension. Cut to Buffy punching Spike in the face. Then she kicks him. We see they're in his crypt. Spike kicks Buffy in the stomach, then punches her in the face, once, twice, thrice. On the fourth swing Buffy grabs his arm and punches him with her other hand. She lands a roundhouse and then an uppercut. She kicks Spike in the stomach and then does a backflip, kicking him in the jaw. Spike spins, tries a circle kick but Buffy ducks it. She blocks a punch, then he grabs her by the throat from behind, holding one of her hands. She kicks him in the face over her shoulder, twists out of his grip and throws him. He lands sitting on his armchair and it slides backward until it hits the wall. Buffy leaps up to stand on the two arms of the armchair, punches Spike in the face four times. He pushes her legs apart and she falls onto his lap. Spike grabs her butt and Buffy wraps her legs around his neck as he stands up. Then she flings herself backward, landing with her hands on the floor, and uses her legs to flip Spike over by the neck. She lands on top of him. Spike throws her off and she slides against a wall. Spike stands up. Buffy crouches, panting. SPIKE: You want me, Slayer, come and get me. BUFFY: Oh, I'm coming. I'm coming right- (lunges up toward him) Cut to Spike and Harmony in bed. HARMONY: -now! Spike is on top of Harmony, covered by a blanket, both of them naked and panting. Harmony caresses Spike's face. HARMONY: What are you thinking? SPIKE: All about you, baby. HARMONY: Aww. (Pulls Spike's head down to her shoulder) You're my little lamb. Cut back to the magic shop. Giles comes back down from the loft. GILES: Come up with anything yet? XANDER: Well, candles, maybe, or bath oils of some kind. BUFFY: I saw a really cute sweater at Bloomy's ... but, I think I want me to have it. GILES: And you are talking about what on earth? BUFFY: Tara's birthday. We're at a loss. GILES: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid. XANDER: Well, we don't really know ... the kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball? GILES: Bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped. A youngish guy with blond hair and a beard (Donny) is looking at the shelves. Now he turns and looks at the books on the table in front of Buffy and Xander. DONNY: Uh, are all these magic books? GILES: Uh, private collection. Uh, books for sale are against the walls over there. (gestures with his coffee cup, then walks toward the counter) Donny continues looking through books on the table. DONNY: So all these books got spells in 'em? Turn people into frogs, things like that? Everyone looks dubiously at him. We see Anya behind the cash register. XANDER: Yeah, we're building a race of frog people. It's a good time. Donny grins. DONNY: So, uh... (gestures at them) You all witches? Hey, don't do a spell on me now. (Laughs) GILES: Was there something in particular you were looking for? Donny continues chuckling. The door opens and Willow and Tara enter, laughing. WILLOW: Her insect reflection. That is so good. TARA: I just thought that'd be funny, you know, if her center of power was- DONNY: Whatta you know. Tara sees him and stops laughing, looks alarmed. DONNY: What's the matter? You don't have a hug for your big brother? Willow looks surprised. Tara looks upset. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on the same scene. Tara still looks upset. Willow looks at her. WILLOW: Brother? sh*t of Buffy and Xander still sitting at the table, watching. TARA: Willow, this is (stutters) Donny. Willow walks forward. Tara follows, looking uncomfortable. WILLOW: Hi. DONNY: (shakes Willow's hand, smiling) Nice to meet you. TARA: And, uh, these are my-my friends. Donny looks back at the others, who nod and wave. DONNY: What, uh, all of you hang out? Wow. That's more people than you met in high school. (Gives Tara a friendly punch on the arm) TARA: How did you fi - I, I mean, how come you came? DONNY: Well, duh, birthday girl. Uh, we came down in the camper, been all over the campus. TARA: We? Tara and Willow turn as the door opens and a man walks in (Mr. Maclay), followed by a girl about Tara's age (Cousin Beth). DONNY: Look what I found! (gesturing at Tara) TARA: Uh, Dad, hi. (walks forward. Willow watches) MR. MACLAY: Well, here's my girl. Tara hugs her dad awkwardly. We see Giles walking forward, as the others watch the reunion scene. TARA: S-such a s-surprise. DONNY: Yes. TARA: Cousin Beth. BETH: Hey. MR. MACLAY: One of your dorm-mates said I might ... find you here. (looking around) TARA: Oh. Oh, um, (turning toward the others) these are, these are friends. Um, this is Mr. Giles, um, he runs the shop. sh*t of Willow smiling. GILES VOICEOVER: How do you do? MR. MACLAY: Pleasure. Well, I, I don't mean to interrupt your plans, I know we've come on you kind of suddenly, but I thought we could have dinner. TARA: Okay. MR. MACLAY: Why don't I pick you up at six, And we'll ... (glances at the others) do some catching up. TARA: Yes, sir. MR. MACLAY: (to the others) Forgive me for running out. We're double-parked. Giles gestures with his coffee cup like "that's okay". Mr. Maclay, Cousin Beth, and Donny leave. Tara watches anxiously. DONNY: (waving from doorway) Nice to meet you all. Willow waves and smiles back. Tara walks farther into the shop, toward Willow. WILLOW: That's so weird. Your ... whole family. TARA: (smiles nervously) Yeah. sh*t of Buffy and Xander exchanging a look. WILLOW: (OS) They seem nice. TARA: You know, they-they're okay. Families are always- WILLOW: (understandingly) They make you crazy. TARA: Usually. Wanna get into research mode? WILLOW: Sure. They move off. Cut to: interior foyer of Joyce's house, day. Buffy enters through the front door, tossing her keys onto a table. BUFFY: (calling) Honey, I'm home. RILEY: (coming down the stairs) Did you have a good day at work? BUFFY: It's a rat race. They kiss. RILEY: I squared away the rest of your stuff. Wouldn't even know you ever left. BUFFY: Oh, you're a god. You're like the ... god of boyfriends. RILEY: Nah, I just like it when you owe me favors. BUFFY: Well, this earns you a big favor. There could be outfits. RILEY: Ooh. Be still my heart. They kiss again. Dawn emerges from the other room, carrying a bag. DAWN: See ya later. BUFFY: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going? DAWN: I'm going to Melinda's for dinner. BUFFY: Since when? DAWN: Now-ish. BUFFY: You can't. I-it's not safe for you to walk there. DAWN: It's just across the street. What is the big deal, I'm just gonna go- BUFFY: No. It's family night. (glances at Riley) And besides, Melinda's a bad influence. I don't like you hanging out with someone that ... short. DAWN: (annoyed) I am so glad you're moving back into the house. This is the source of my gladness. She stalks off. Buffy sighs. BUFFY: She makes me crazy. (Walks past Riley into the living room) RILEY: That's ... kinda the word I was searching for. BUFFY: (sits on sofa) What? She shouldn't be going over there. RILEY: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness. Gotta nip that in the bud. BUFFY: She ... can't be running out whenever she'd like. RILEY: (walks forward) It's more than that. BUFFY: What do you mean? RILEY: (sits next to her, shakes his head) You tell me. BUFFY: We all have to be careful. This ... demon chick is ... exciting and new. I don't know what I'm up against. RILEY: If we're in trouble here I could contact Graham, maybe get the government boys on it- BUFFY: No! No, I-I-I don't want them anywhere near this. RILEY: (annoyed) Just a suggestion. BUFFY: Look, the fewer people that are involved, the safer I will feel. RILEY: Every time I think I'm getting close to you ... (shakes head) I gotta take off. (Gets up) BUFFY: (gets up to follow) Wait! What? RILEY: (walking toward front door) I'll call you later. BUFFY: Riley! (He stops walking) I *want* you to help. I'm not- RILEY: Yeah. Know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, (opens door) let me know. I'll come running. He exits. Buffy looks troubled. Cut to exterior Sunnydale dorm, day. Cut to inside. Tara enters her room, stops when she sees her dad standing there. He has his arms folded, staring at her roomful of witchy stuff. MR. MACLAY: The door wasn't locked. I was a little early. (looks around) I suppose you ... wanted me to see all these ... (picks up a large crystal and examines it) toys. (puts crystal down) You don't even try to hide it any more. I'd hoped maybe you'd gotten over the whole witchcraft thing. That if we let you go, you'd ... get it out of your system. (puts hands in pockets) Then they told me to look for you in ... (disgusted) that store. TARA: I didn't - I, I didn't kn-know that you were coming. MR. MACLAY: Of course we came. We haven't heard from you in months. Your birthday's getting closer and closer. You know what that means. TARA: (upset) I don't think it's ... (stammers) it, it won't mean that- MR. MACLAY: You're turning twenty. (walks toward her) It's the same age your mother was when she... Do your friends even know? TARA: (softly) Y-yes. MR. MACLAY: Are you lying to me? (Tara looks down) Tara, you're coming home with us. You know it's the only way. TARA: Home? MR. MACLAY: You can't control what's going to happen. You have evil inside of you and it will come out. And letting yourself work all this magic is only going to make it worse. Where do you think that power comes from? TARA: It ... it doesn't feel evil ... sir. MR. MACLAY: Evil never does. (Tara looks down, upset) I don't feel much like eating right now. (Starts to walk past her) I'll give you some time, but we need to be gone by morning. (Walks to the door. We see him unfocused in the background; in foreground Tara looking sad) Your family loves you, Tara, no matter what. How do you think your friends are going to feel when they see your true face? Cut to the Lei-Ach demon asleep or unconscious. Something hits its face and it begins to wake. The camera pulls back slowly and we see that the demon is standing, chained to a clothes-rack, surrounded by fur coats. Its nose twitches. A shoe flies into the sh*t and hits the demon in the face, and it growls. GLORY: (OS) Finally. I thought you were gonna nap the whole day away. (Demon growls and struggles) Stop whining. We see that they're in a large walk-in closet with clothes racks on all four walls. Glory stands in the middle of the room, now wearing a shiny green (leather?) dress. She has her previous red dress on a hanger, which she now hangs up. GLORY: You know, I remember when the Lei-Ach were a proud warrior race, not sneaking around hospitals looking for weak sickly types to suck the bone marrow from. (Demon growls and struggles) But ... let's talk about my problems for thirty seconds, if that's perfectly all right with you. She walks toward the demon and we see a vanity table against one wall. Glory kneels on the chair, leans her hands on the table and talks to her reflection in the mirror. GLORY: Blonde ... short ... strong for a human ... (turns back around, sits on chair, speaks angrily to demon) and massively rude! Broke my shoe, took my monk, do you have any idea who I'm talking about? The demon growls and grunts. GLORY: A slayer? Oh god, please don't tell me I was fighting a vampire slayer! (Puts one hand to her forehead) How unbelievably common! If I had friends, and they heard about this ... (sh*t of the demon looking like it's going to fall asleep again) and you know she's going around telling everybody, I mean she probably just- (leaps up and grabs the demon by the throat) Pay attention! I am great and I am beautiful, and when I walk into a room all eyes turn to me, because my name is a holy name, and you will listen! (Removes her hand from demon's throat, strokes his hair with both hands) Get your friends ... find the girl ... k*ll the girl ... okay baby? (Demon nods. She smiles and looks closer at it) You have the cutest little suppurating sores! Has anyone ever told you that? Cut to: some sort of irregularly shaped crystal ball. Camera pulls out and we see Tara sitting in her room, staring sadly at the crystal. Behind her the door opens and Willow enters. Tara doesn't turn. WILLOW: Hey. TARA: (turning) Hey. WILLOW: Was dinner fun? Tara stands, nodding. WILLOW: Well, there's Scoobyage afoot. Giles called a meeting about our spankin' new menace. TARA: Oh ... y-you should go, they don't need me for that. You can fill me in. WILLOW: (walks toward her) No, no, you have to come. This demon chick is supposed to be really powerful, and I was thinking. Maybe we could try that, that spell, you know, the one to find demons? TARA: That didn't work. WILLOW: Yeah ... but we only tried it once, and I-I think I got some ingredients wrong. TARA: Well, I-I'm tired. Maybe we can do it tomorrow? WILLOW: You sure you don't wanna- TARA: Look, my family's here, okay, I can't just- (pauses) Not everything is about your friends and stuff. WILLOW: (makes a face) Sorry. (Backs away from Tara, starts walking to the door) TARA: No! No, I mean... (Willow turns back) There's just so much ... going on. It's just ... I'm, I'm really tired. WILLOW: (nods) Okay. TARA: I'll see you in the morning. You can fill me in. WILLOW: Great. We'll be demon hunters. (Leaves) Tara turns, hunts through some books, picks one up and leafs through it, frowning. She finds what she's looking for and looks up with a calculating expression. Cut to magic shop. Buffy, Anya and Xander sitting around the table. We see Dawn in the background looking at a bookshelf. Willow enters. WILLOW: Hey. Am I late? Did I miss any exposition? GILES: (enters the sh*t from the right) No, no, no, no, nothing earth-shattering to relate. (leans his hands on the back of a chair as Willow sits) I just have a few thoughts, and, uh, wanted to make sure that we were all on the same page. DAWN: Can I buy one of these? BUFFY: (OS) No. DAWN: With my own money? BUFFY: (OS) I let you come, now sit down and look studious. Dawn looks annoyed, walks toward the table and out of the sh*t. The camera pans past the bookshelves and around a corner. GILES: (OS) Well, first of all, I want to talk to you about ... safety. Um, this creature could be- We see Tara hiding around the corner, listening. BUFFY: (OS, fading) Will be. GILES: (OS, fading) Will be coming after Buffy, and possibly all of us. TARA: (whispering) Blind Cadria, desolate queen, work my will upon them all. Your curse upon them, my obeisance to you. She holds up her hand and blows on it. Red dust (?) flows out of her hand. Cut back to the other room, where Giles is sitting down with the others around the table. We see the tendril of red floating into the room from Tara's hiding place, toward the table. GILES: Now, I may have a lead on this monk that Buffy spoke of. There, there are a few orders that I-I've read up on- The red dust turns yellow and floats into the middle of the table, then sends out sh**t, one for each Willow, Buffy, Dawn, Giles, Anya and Xander. It hits them in the eyes and they all simultaneously flinch back. A pause, then Giles continues, looking confused. GILES: I-I'm sorry, where was I? BUFFY: The monk. GILES: Yes, um, I'd like us all to start looking at these orders, I-it's possible whichever one this monk belonged to was wiped out entirely... His voice fades out. We see Tara retreating backward, watching them. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on interior of Willy's Bar. Pan across various people and demons drinking at tables. Pan over to the bar. The bartender (not Willy) paces behind it. BARTENDER: You shouldn't be coming in here. (Turns and takes a glass from a shelf) You got a rep with these monsters. (Puts glass on the bar, shakes head) But you come in here... (turns and gets a bottle) night after night. (Pours into the glass, looks up at the customer) Are you lookin' to get k*lled? sh*t of Riley sitting on a bar stool, watching the bartender pour. RILEY: I come for the ambiance. (picks up glass, looks around) What can I say? This place just reeks of class. (Drinks the sh*t) BARTENDER: Yeah, well, if Willy was here- RILEY: Well, Willy's not here. (puts glass down) h*t me. Bartender scowls and pours. FEMALE VOICE: Drinking alone? A woman with long dark hair and a low-cut blouse (Sandy) walks up next to Riley. SANDY: It's not a good sign. (Sits on the stool next to him) RILEY: So they tell me. (looks at her) I buy you a drink, neither one of us has that problem any more, now do we? (Sips his drink) SANDY: Vodka tonic. RILEY: (to bartender) Vodka tonic. Bartender puts a napkin in front of Sandy and walks off. SANDY: (to Riley) I'm Sandy. RILEY: Riley. We hear the bartender pouring Sandy's drink. SANDY: This place is such a dive. RILEY: No no, it's great. You just have to close your eyes, (Sandy chuckles) plug up your nostrils, it's fine. SANDY: We ... could go somewhere else. Someplace more ... private. RILEY: (sighs, stares off into the distance) Ohhhh, Sandy, Sandy. It's no good. My heart belongs to another. Besides, (looks at her again) I don't go out with vampires. Sandy narrows her eyes in annoyance and uses her straw to s*ab at the ice in her drink. RILEY: (to bartender) Never interested in my intellect. Cut to interior of Spike's crypt. Spike sits in his armchair holding his mannequin head with the long blonde wig, caressing its cheek. The door opens and he quickly hides the head under his chair as Harmony enters, carrying several shopping bags. HARMONY: Hi baby! SPIKE: (bored) Hello, sweetbreads. Have fun? HARMONY: Uhh, it was so exciting. You wouldn't believe it. I went to April Fool's, and absolutely everything was on sale. SPIKE: You *paid* for it? HARMONY: (unpacking bags) Oh, no. I just k*lled the clerk. Still, a bargain's a bargain. (Spike frowns and shakes his head) Oh, I ran into Carol Beets. You know. She sired Brandon, Brandon from the sewer g*ng ... and she said, the Lei-Ach demon... (happily) was recruiting his brethren to k*ll the slayer! SPIKE: (suddenly paying attention) How's that? HARMONY: Apparently, he got recruited by some big nether-wig and now he's on a mission. (Spike looks thoughtful) You think they might actually do it? k*ll her? SPIKE: (pondering) God, that would be ... pleasant. HARMONY: Well, if they do, I think we should do something. (Spike jumps up) Like a gift basket or something. (Spike grabs his jacket) Where are you going? SPIKE: To get a decent seat. (puts on jacket) If the slayer's gonna die ... I'm gonna watch. (Exits) Cut to Tara walking across campus. It's dark. She looks over her shoulder several times. Then she sees Cousin Beth approaching. Beth looks surprised and pleased. BETH: Tara. TARA: Beth, what are you- BETH: I-I was looking for you. TARA: I'm sorry we didn't get to have dinner. BETH: I just ... wanted to see if everything was okay. (Tara smiles) See if you needed any help with anything. Packing. TARA: (stops smiling) Beth, I'm not, I'm n-not (stutters) coming back with you. BETH: You're not? TARA: I-I don't think so. BETH: You ... selfish bitch! TARA: What?! BETH: You don't care the slightest bitty bit about your family, do you? Your dad's been worried sick about you every day since you've been gone. There's a, a house that needs taking care of ... Donny and your dad having to do for themselves while you're down here living god knows what kind of lifestyle. (Tara looks upset) I can't wait till your little friends find out the truth about you. And they will, you know. No matter how innocent you act, they'll see. TARA: (firmly) No they won't. BETH: They will. Unless you ... do some kind of spell on them ... (sees Tara's face) You did! TARA: N-no! BETH: You did something to them. I'm telling your father. She starts to turn away. Tara grabs her arm. TARA: No! No, it wasn't anything! BETH: You think you can just go around cursing people? Your dad's gonna pop. TARA: It was just so they wouldn't see. So-so-so they wouldn't see the demon part of me. (teary) Please don't tell Dad. It's harmless. Cut to Buffy in her workout room, doing some stretches on the floor. Cut to Willow in the magic shop, taking a book off a shelf. There's a knock on the door. WILLOW: Tara? Willow goes to the door and opens it. We see three Lei-Ach demons standing there, snarling. Willow doesn't see them. She looks around the doorway in confusion, then closes the door and turns away. WILLOW: (to herself) I thought I heard something. (Shrugs and walks off) sh*t of the lead Lei-Ach demon grinning. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on UCS campus, still night. Tara sits on a bench while Cousin Beth scolds her. BETH: Don't you see how out of control you are? You've been lying to these people for a year, and now you've put a spell on them, is that right? (shakes head) Is that a human thing to do? Now I'm telling your father. If he doesn't force you to come home, and I think he should, I know he's going to tell your friends the truth. If I were you, I'd tell them first. And then I'd tell them good-bye. Cut to magic shop. Dawn is playing with a glass snow-ball, shaking it to make the snowflakes move. A Lei-Ach demon comes up right behind her, but she doesn't notice. Another demon walks across the foreground, toward the table, where Anya is stacking up some books. ANYA: Do I get paid overtime for this? (Gets up and walks right past the demon, not noticing it) GILES: (OS) Certainly not. (comes into the sh*t, walking past the demon as a second demon joins it) Dawn, would you close the door? We see Willow and Xander sitting at the table, studying books as the two demons walk past them, staring at them. DAWN: (OS) I didn't open it. The lead demon turns, sniffing, and extends its tongue as it moves off toward the back. Cut to Buffy in the workout room, punching a punching bag. She pauses to do some arm stretches. We see the demons walk in behind her. Slow eerie music. Buffy frowns and looks toward the door. sh*t of the room from Buffy's POV: it's empty, no demons. Buffy turns back to the punching bag, doing some shoulder rolls, making a face as if she's sore. We see the lead demon coming up behind her. Suddenly Buffy whirls around and blocks as the demon tries to grab her. The music changes to fast fight-music. Buffy falls to the floor with the demon on top of her. We see a second demon standing beside them. BUFFY: Giles! sh*t of Buffy with her hands in front of her, pushing at the demon, but we don't see the demon. sh*t of Giles getting up from his desk as Buffy yells. BUFFY: (OS) Something's in here! sh*t of Xander getting up as well. Xander rushes toward the back. The third demon stops him before he reaches the doorway, grabs him by the upper arms as he struggles. sh*t of Willow getting up, staring in confusion. sh*t of Xander struggling against what looks like empty air. Dawn runs up behind Giles. Xander flies backward as the demon throws him. He lands on his back on the floor, grabbing at his neck, trying to grab the demon's hands as it chokes him. Anya turns from the bookshelf and comes forward. Willow grabs a chair. Anya grabs something else from the counter (a crystal ball?). Willow uses the chair to whack at the area on top of Xander (we still don't see the demon). Xander sighs as the demon lets go of his neck. ANYA: Where'd it go? Willow looks around, suddenly goes flying backward. Giles pushes Dawn toward his desk. GILES: Under there, go. DAWN: Willow? (crawls under the desk) Cut back to Buffy still wrestling with the first demon. The workout room door opens and Spike enters, grinning. Buffy breaks out of the demon's grasp and shoves it backward, off of her. As she stands up, the second demon grabs her around the waist from behind. Spike stops grinning as the first demon gets up. Spike rolls his eyes in exasperation and hurries forward. He tackles the first demon and pulls it aside, landing on the floor on his back with the demon on top of him. Buffy punches the second demon over her shoulder, then flips it, grabs it and shoves it against the wall. It slumps down and is still. sh*t of the workout room from Buffy's POV: it's empty. She rushes toward the door. sh*t of Spike still on the floor with the demon in a stranglehold. SPIKE: You're welcome! The demon punches him in the face. Buffy enters the main shop area and runs forward. ANYA: Where'd it go?! (swinging her w*apon around randomly) sh*t of Giles suddenly reeling backward as the unseen demon punches him. sh*t of Buffy looking around. Anya retreats behind the counter and lifts her w*apon cautiously. XANDER: It's over there! GILES: How many are there? ANYA: I've already been injured once this month! BUFFY: Shut up! (Music stops. Silence as Buffy looks around.) The front door opens and Tara enters. She walks forward a few steps, looking anxious. TARA: Buffy, behind you! We see a demon standing immediately behind Buffy. She turns just as it grabs her and throws her onto the table. She rolls off the other side of the table onto the floor. Cut back to the workout room. The demon punches Spike in the face several times; he flies backward and hits the wall. He notices a rack full of w*apon hanging on the wall and grabs one. It looks a bit like a scythe, only with a short handle. The demon rushes at Spike but he kicks it and it falls to the floor. Spike lifts the w*apon and chops downward. Cut back to the shop as Buffy stands up. BUFFY: Tara, where is it? (looking around) Can you see it? TARA: Oh, god. Tara comes forward as the demon punches Buffy in the face. Punching noises continue as Tara rushes into the middle of the room and stops, looking down to concentrate. TARA: (panting) Blind Cadria, lift your veil. Give evil form... (The demon turns away from Buffy to glare at Tara) ...and break my spell. We see a light flash in Buffy's eyes and suddenly she can see the demon, which is rushing at Tara. It hits her in the face; she goes down. The demon turns back to Buffy. She punches it, then it grabs her arm and throws her to the floor. She rolls over several times. Tara's dad enters, followed by Donny and Beth. The demon stands over Tara, who is still lying on the floor. MR. MACLAY: Tara! The demon looks up, rushes toward Mr. Maclay. He falls backward onto the floor. Buffy, still on the floor, trips the demon and it falls on its stomach across the three steps up to the higher store level. Buffy flips up to her feet and puts one foot on the back of the demon's neck, gives it a shove. We hear the crack as the demon's neck breaks. sh*t of Mr. Maclay sprawled on the floor staring. sh*t of Dawn peeking out from under the desk. Giles gives her his hand and helps her up. MR. MACLAY: What in god's name is that? Spike enters from the back. SPIKE: Lei-ach demon. (Everyone looks at him) Fun little buggers. Big with the marrow-sucking. Mr. Maclay gets up. sh*t of Tara sitting on the floor, looking guilty. MR. MACLAY: I don't understand. BUFFY: (arms folded, looking down at Tara) I'm not sure I do either. TARA: I'm sorry. I'm s-s-so sorry. (sniffling) I was, I was trying to hide. Willow comes forward and kneels by Tara. TARA: I didn't want you to see ... what I am. WILLOW: Tara, what? BUFFY: What do you mean, what you are? Tara tries to speak but can't. MR. MACLAY: (OS) Demon. The women in our family... (Everyone looks up at him) have demon in them. Her mother had it. That's where the magic comes from. Tara looks down, then looks up at Willow, who stares at her. MR. MACLAY: We came to take her home before... (sighs) well, before things like ... (points at the d*ad demon) this started happening. GILES: You cast a spell on us, to keep us from seeing your ... demon side. (to Buffy) That's why we couldn't see our attackers. Buffy looks behind her at Dawn. BUFFY: Nearly got us k*lled. TARA: I'll go. (scrambles to her feet. To Buffy) I'm very sorry. MR. MACLAY: The camper's outside. WILLOW: Wait! Go? (grabs Tara's elbow) I, she just did a spell that went wrong. It-it was just a mistake. MR. MACLAY: That's not the point and it's not your concern. She belongs with us. We know how to control her ... problem. Willow looks at Tara in distress. WILLOW: Tara ... look at me. (Tara does.) I, I trusted you more than anyone in my life. Was all that just a lie? TARA: (teary) No! WILLOW: Well, do you wanna leave? MR. MACLAY: It's not your decision, young lady. WILLOW: (sharply to him) I know that! (more softly, to Tara) Do you wanna leave? Tara shakes her head, crying. MR. MACLAY: You're going to do what's right, Tara. Now, I'm taking you out of here before somebody *does* get k*lled. (Tara wipes her face on her sleeve) The girl belongs with her family. I hope that's clear to the rest of you. Willow looks anxiously at Tara. BUFFY: (OS) It is. sh*t of Buffy narrowing her eyes at Tara. BUFFY: You want her, Mr. Maclay? You can go ahead and take her. sh*t of Tara looking sad, as if that's what she expected. sh*t of Mr. Maclay nodding in satisfaction. sh*t of Buffy whirling around to face Mr. Maclay, putting her hands on her hips. BUFFY: You just gotta go through me. Tara looks up in amazement as hope begins to grow. MR. MACLAY: (OS) What? BUFFY: (OS) You heard me. sh*t of Buffy staring him down, looking very tough. BUFFY: You wanna take Tara out of here against her will? You gotta come through me. DAWN: And me! Tara smiles. Dawn walks up to stand beside Buffy. They both give Mr. Maclay the same steely glare. MR. MACLAY: Is this a joke? (steps down one of the stairs) I'm not gonna be thr*at by two little girls. DAWN: You don't wanna mess with us. BUFFY: She's a hair-puller. Giles walks up behind them. GILES: And ... (puts on his glasses) you're not just dealing with, uh, two little girls. Tara smiles even more. XANDER: You're dealing with all of us. SPIKE: 'Cept me. XANDER: 'Cept Spike. SPIKE: I don't care what happens. MR. MACLAY: This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs. *We* ... are her blood kin! Who the hell are you? sh*t of Giles, Dawn, Buffy, Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya all standing together in a group, with Spike in the background. BUFFY: We're family. Tara smiles through tears. She looks at Willow, who smiles back. Mr. Maclay looks angry. DONNY: Daaad. You -- you gonna let 'em just... (stomps forward) Tara, if you don't get in that car, I swear by god I will b*at you down. XANDER: And I swear by your full and manly beard, you're gonna break something trying. (Donny looks cowed) BETH: Well. I hope you'll all be happy hanging out with a disgusting demon. The same sh*t of the whole Scooby g*ng spread out in a row. Anya, farthest back, raises her hand. ANYA: E-excuse me. What kind? BETH: What? ANYA: What kind of demon is she? There's a lot of different kinds. Some are very, very evil. And some have been considered to be useful members of society. (Smiles proudly. Xander turns to smile back at her.) BETH: Well, I-I ... what does it matter? MR. MACLAY: Evil is evil. ANYA: Well, let's just narrow it down. (Xander nods) SPIKE: Ohhh. (looks around) Why don't I make this simple. Spike walks forward and taps Tara on the shoulder. When she turns, he punches her in the face. Both Tara and Spike reel backwards in pain. Tara grabs her nose, Spike his head. SPIKE: Oww! WILLOW: (angry) Hey! (suddenly realizing) Hey... TARA: (both hands over her face) He h*t my nose! WILLOW: And it hurt! Uh, him, I mean. Tara looks at her in surprise. BUFFY: (to Mr. Maclay) And that only works on humans. (Willow smiles) SPIKE: There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend, am I right? (Mr. Maclay looks angry) Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line. (smirks) Oh, you're a piece of work. I like you. TARA: (softly, to Willow) I'm not a demon. WILLOW: (smiling) You're not a demon. TARA: He hurt my nose. WILLOW: Aw. SPIKE: (still rubbing his forehead) Yeah, you're welcome. (Stalks off) Tara and Willow smile hugely at each other. sh*t of Buffy and Dawn in identical poses side-by-side, with their arms crossed, their heads cocked at the same angle, and the same steely glare on both their faces. Giles stands behind them. GILES: Mr. Maclay, I would say your business here is finished. MR. MACLAY: Tara. (Tara looks at him) For eighteen years your family has taken care of you and supported you. If you wanna turn your back- TARA: (walking forward) Dad ... just go. Mr. Maclay scowls, turns and heads for the door. Donny follows. Mr. Maclay pauses at the door. MR. MACLAY: (disgusted) Magic. Beth gives Tara a very dirty look. BETH: Are you happy now? A slow smile spreads across Tara's face as fast rock music begins. Cut to the Bronze. A montage of scenes of the whole group wearing party clothes, talking and laughing in different groups. Xander giving Tara a drink. Buffy talking with someone. Willow laughing at Xander's joke. Dawn racing through the crowd and Buffy stopping her. Willow bl*wing bubbles while Tara opens her presents, admiring the crystal ball from Giles. Dawn running up to Tara, holding a broom with a bow tied around it. A bunch of them hanging out, talking, playing pool. Cut to Buffy leaning against a pole, watching the action with a smile. Behind her the door opens and Riley enters, with a gift box under his arm. He goes up to Buffy. RILEY: Sorry I'm late. BUFFY: (smiling) You came. RILEY: Of course I came. They kiss. Cut to Tara talking to Anya, who wears a party hat. TARA: No, see, 'cause your insect reflection represents your insignificance... (Anya nods) in terms of the karmic cycle. Anya nods to show that she understands, then ponders it for a moment. ANYA: But it's still not funny. Cut to Xander, Buffy, Dawn and Giles talking together. Riley comes over with three blue plastic cups, gives one to Buffy and one to Giles. We see that Xander already has a cup. DAWN: (with her back to the others, watching the crowd) This place is so cool. (looks at hand) 'Cept I have to wear this stupid stamp on my hand. XANDER: That's to keep you from boozing it up. DAWN: Oh please. Only losers drink alcohol. A b*at as the others take this in. The cups they're all holding are prominently visible. Dawn is cheerfully oblivious. Cut back to Tara and Anya. ANYA: So what's an eagle reflection? TARA: Umm... Willow approaches. WILLOW: My dance? She takes Tara's hand and leads her onto the floor as a slow song starts. They begin to dance. Willow has her hands on Tara's waist; Tara's hands on Willow's shoulders. WILLOW: Good birthday? TARA: Best birthday. WILLOW: I still can't believe you didn't tell me about your family and all that. TARA: I was just afraid if you saw the kind of people I came from, you wouldn't wanna be anywhere near me. WILLOW: See ... that's where you're a dummy. I think about ... what you grew up with, and ... then I look at what you are ... it makes me proud. It makes me love you more. TARA: Every time I- (takes a deep breath) even when I'm at my worst ... you always make me feel special. Willow smiles. TARA: How do you do that? WILLOW: Magic. They embrace, putting their heads on each other's shoulders and swaying to the music. SINGER: I can't take my eyes off you... I can't take my eyes off you... (this line of song repeats several more times as they continue slowly moving to the music and the camera moves around them. We see them slowly rising upward.) Long sh*t of Willow and Tara, surrounded by other couples who are also dancing. But Willow and Tara are floating several feet above the floor. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x06 - Family"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GLORY: You keep refusing to tell me where the key is! Monk talking to Buffy. MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human and sent it to you. Buffy brushing hair back from Dawn's face. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. DAWN: What's wrong with Mom? GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... BUFFY: I don't know. Riley talking to Xander. RILEY: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her it's like, half of me is just ... on f*re, going crazy if I'm not touching her. But she doesn't love me. Riley talking to Buffy. RILEY: I know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, you let me know. Riley in Willy's bar talking to Sandy. SANDY: We ... could go somewhere else. Someplace more ... private. RILEY: Ohhhh, Sandy, Sandy. My heart belongs to another. Besides, I don't go out with vampires. Spike and Buffy kissing. BUFFY: Spike. I want you. SPIKE: God, I love you so much. Spike sitting up in bed. SPIKE: Oh god, no. Please no. Buffy talking to Joyce. BUFFY: Are you okay? JOYCE: You know the nothing that I've been dealing with the last couple of weeks? I-it might not be nothing. BUFFY: What is it? JOYCE: I'm, uh, staying overnight at the hospital for observation. I'm getting a CAT scan. Buffy sitting on the back steps crying, putting her face in her hands. Fade in on hospital CAT scan room. Joyce lies on the machine, wearing a hospital gown. We see a glass window, behind which two technicians are standing. The machine makes noises as the part Joyce is lying on slides into it. Close-up on Joyce's face. She closes her eyes. Long sh*t of the machine. Close-up on Joyce's face again, her eyes open again. She closes them again. Cut to Dawn fiddling with a bracelet on her right wrist. A hand comes into view and gives her a can of soda. It's Buffy. Dawn looks up at her. She sits down next to Dawn and opens her own can. DAWN: What is a CAT scan exactly? BUFFY: I don't know. It's some ... x-ray, I guess. DAWN: Where do they get the CAT scan from? I mean, do they test it on cats or ... or does the machine sort of look like a cat? BUFFY: Dawn, I'm really... She stops herself as Dawn gives her an apprehensive look. Buffy puts her arm around Dawn and brings Dawn's head to rest on her shoulder. She kisses the top of Dawn's head. Long sh*t of them sitting there in the hospital waiting room as various staff people walk by. Cut to a telephone book, open to a page where we see a large advertisement for the Magic Box. TARA VOICEOVER: "Your one-stop spot to shop for all your occult needs." We see Tara and Giles standing behind the counter, looking at the ad. TARA: Catchy. GILES: Think so? TARA: Uh-huh. In a ... hard to read sort of way, but I think it's great. GILES: Oh. Tara moves away as Giles studies the ad and soundlessly mouths the words to himself. The door opens and Anya enters, followed by Xander and Willow. Anya immediately begins straightening the merchandise on the shelves. XANDER: I'm just saying, I think it's rude. WILLOW: I wouldn't call it rude. XANDER: Rude-ish. Rude-esque. Whatever you want to call it. When a person makes a "destroy all vampires" date, it's simple courtesy to wait for your co-destroyers. Am I right, Giles? GILES: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening. TARA: Oh, the-the new phone book's in with Mr. Giles' ad. Anya races around the counter, shoving past Tara. WILLOW: Oh, nice. ANYA: Yay! Am I mentioned? (looking eagerly at the ad) GILES: Not as such. ANYA: (disappointed) Oh. XANDER: Okay, we were supposed to hook up with Riley this morning, to take on a nest o'vamps holed up in a tomb? So we get there, and guess what? Tell him, Will. WILLOW: Tomb go boom. XANDER: Yep. Captain America blowed it up real good. All by his lone wolf lonesome. GILES: Hmm, uh, rather reckless of him. (We see Anya still studying the ad.) XANDER: I'd say very rather. GILES: All that aside, I should think you'd be pleased to avoid the confrontation. ANYA: That's what I've been saying. I mean, I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter. (Suddenly gets a look of realization on her face; excitedly) Which really just goes to show how much I've grown! (Smiles hugely. Willow and Tara grin at each other) GILES: Yes, well, um, in any event, uh, since you're all here, Tara and I could use your help researching Buffy's mysterious woman. XANDER: Oh yeah, this has been fruitful. Trying to look up something you ... never saw and don't know the name of. ANYA: Just do what I do: flip through the pages and look busy. WILLOW: It'd be nice if we knew where she was, where she's hiding out. XANDER: No doubt lurking around some sewer or condemned church or rat-infested warehouse. You know, the usual haunts. Cut to: a beautiful, well-appointed apartment. Glory reclines on a round bed surrounded by shoeboxes. A demon dressed in monk's clothing is kneeling on the floor, holding a scroll. DREG: Most beauteous and supremely magnificent one, this dark spell I hold in my worthless and scabby hand is our gift to you, most tingly and wonderful Glorificus... GLORY: (trying on a shoe) Please, call me Glory. And get up, looking at you is hurting my neck. DREG: (gets up) Forgive me, shiny special one. I beg of you to rip out my inadequate tongue. GLORY: (reaches out her hand) Gimme. Dreg grins and walks forward, sticking out his tongue. Glory waits till he's close enough and then grabs the scroll. DREG: Oh. (laughs nervously) I thought... (still laughing as Glory examines the paper) You should know, your elaborate marvelousness, that this dark incantation has been lost for eons... GLORY: Uh-huh. (trying on another shoe) DREG: And great dangers have been faced to... GLORY: (sticking her leg straight up in the air) Does this pump make my ankle look bony? DREG: No! No, no, your terrifically smooth one, it is the epitome of ankles. (Glory ignores him, trying on another shoe) To touch such an ankle would be - but I'm not touching. I'm backing away. Glory kicks out her foot and the shoe flies off it, hitting Dreg in the forehead. DREG: Ow! Thank you. GLORY: Dreg, is it? (Gets up) DREG: Yes. Dreg. Your creamy coolness has honored me by speaking my name. Your voice is like a thousand sweet songbirds that- GLORY: (irritated) Yeah, I never tire of hearing that. Look, just so we're clear, the spell's gonna work, right? (Dreg nods anxiously. Glory turns and goes to the window, peeking around the curtain) I mean, nothing worse than a gift that doesn't work. Then I'd have to get all mad and k*ll you! (apologetically) It's this whole big thing. DREG: It will work, your extremeness. Provided you have the other items you need. GLORY: Don't worry. I'll have them all right. She walks past him to where a copy of the phone book is sitting open to the page with Giles' ad. She tears out the page and smiles at it. GLORY: I'll have it all. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Kevin Weisman, William Forward, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by David Fury, directed by Daniel Attias. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exterior of the Summers house, day. Riley approaches the front door and finds it slightly ajar. He knocks and walks in. RILEY: (calling) Hello? Buffy? He takes off his jacket, then notices something on the floor and picks it up. It's a blanket. He frowns, looks up the stairs, drops both blanket and jacket and starts up the stairs. Cut to: Spike holding a pink sweater up to his face and inhaling deeply. He lowers the sweater, sighing happily, then takes another sniff as Riley appears behind him. RILEY: What are you doing in here? Spike whirls around and we see he's in Buffy's bedroom. He quickly hides the sweater behind his back. SPIKE: What, me? I was um ... uh ... what are *you* doing here? RILEY: Looking for the girl who's gonna rip your arms off when she finds out you were in her bedroom. (Walks forward.) SPIKE: Oh yeah? Well ... me too. Riley glances down, makes a move toward Spike's hands. Spike flinches backward and tries to maneuver so Riley can't see what he's holding. RILEY: (bemused) Were you ... were you just smelling her sweater? SPIKE: (scoffs) No. (Riley glares at him) Well, yeah, all right, I did. It's a ... predator thing, nothin' wrong with it. Just ... know your enemy's scent, whet the appetite for a hunt. (He sniffs the sweater again) Ah, that's the stuff! Slayer musk, it's bitter and aggravating! Spike presses the sweater against his face and makes angry growling noises. Riley snatches the sweater away from him, tosses it aside, then grabs Spike by the front of his shirt. RILEY: Out. As Riley hustles Spike out, Spike grabs a piece of lacy pink underwear from a drawer. Riley hurries down the stairs, pulling Spike after him. SPIKE: Hey, watch it! Easy, you're bruising the leather! (They reach the bottom of the stairs and Riley lets go) Look. I know for a bleeding fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here. RILEY: Right. What's a little sweater-sniffing between sworn enemies. SPIKE: Your girl in the habit of buying her enemies drinks? 'Cause she spent the better part of last night with me, (smugly) doing just that. RILEY: 'Cause you guys are such tight pals. SPIKE: Yeah. RILEY: That's good. Tell me another. SPIKE: Okay, how 'bout this one. Twice in recent memory, she's had the lover-wiccas do a deinvite on the house. Keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest list? RILEY: (falters for a moment) Because you're harmless. SPIKE: Oh yeah, right. (scoffs) Takes one to know, I suppose. Least I still got the attitude. (looking Riley up and down) What do you got, a piercing glance? Face it, white bread. Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. (patronizingly) Not that she doesn't like you ... but sorry Charlie, you're just not dark enough. Riley scowls, grabs Spike, opens the door and thrusts Spike out into the sunlight. SPIKE: Hey ... Hey! Hey! Hey! RILEY: Am I dark enough for you now? SPIKE: Bloody pull me back in, you sod, I'm starting to sizzle! RILEY: You don't know anything about Buffy, you never did. I'm the one who knows what she needs. SPIKE: Oh yeah? That's why you're with her at hospital right now, giving her what she needs. RILEY: (pulls Spike back inside) What are you talking about? SPIKE: Don't you know, didn't she tell you? RILEY: You tell me. SPIKE: Mum's sickly. Buffy took her to the hospital for a bit of prod 'n probe. Bite-sized one went too. (needling) You know, it's-it's funny her not calling you about that. I've known since last night. Riley grabs Spike and shoves him outside. Sizzling noises. SPIKE: (OS) Blanket! Blanket! Riley kicks the blanket out and slams the door. He leans against the banister looking conflicted. Cut to Buffy in the hospital, pacing outside a door marked "Examination Room." She twiddles her fingers nervously and sighs. A hand appears and grabs her shoulder; she spins around. BUFFY: (sighs) Riley. RILEY: Sorry. I heard. I thought maybe you'd ... need ... Buffy hugs him. BUFFY: I do. I do. I'm glad. (pulls back) I just, I-I didn't ... I mean, until we knew what it was... RILEY: I understand. How's she doing? Buffy turns to look at the door. BUFFY: Well, she just had a CAT scan. I was about to go in and find out. Will you ... sit with Dawn while I talk to Mom? She's in the waiting room. RILEY: Yeah, yeah, you got it. Buffy nods, sighs, turns away. Riley turns in the opposite direction. Cut to Buffy entering a darkened room. BUFFY: Hi. We see Joyce and a doctor standing in front of a set of CAT scan images stuck on a lighted wall. They turn. BUFFY: May I come in? JOYCE: Oh, of course, baby, come on in. Uh, where's Dawn? BUFFY: Uh, she's with Riley. They're watching TV in the waiting room. DR. ISAACS: Excuse me, I'm just gonna check on the status of the OR. (Exits) BUFFY: The OR? JOYCE: Dr Isaacs says I'm ... lucky there's one available on such short notice. Some people wait for days, sometimes, weeks. BUFFY: (softly) Mom, what did they find? JOYCE: A shadow. I've got a shadow. (looks at the images on the wall) Somewhere ... over there ... he showed it to me, but, um ... they have to do a biopsy to find out exactly what it is. Buffy looks upset. They hug. JOYCE: (voice breaking) Doctor says it's too early to be concerned. BUFFY: Right. (pulls back to look Joyce in the face) No concern. JOYCE: Just a shadow. They smile bravely at each other. Buffy turns to look at the images again. WILLOW VOICEOVER: I just wish we knew what we were dealing with. Cut to Magic Box. The table is spread with books, Xander, Tara, and Willow sitting around it. WILLOW: It feels like we're going around in circles. In the background we see Anya looking at bookshelves and a customer walking through the shop. XANDER: Our circles are going around in circles. We've got dizzy circles here, Giles. The customer walks up to the counter and hands Giles an item. GILES: Ah, weeping buddha, shoulders your spiritual burden. (wraps the item) Makes a lovely paperweight too. TARA: Maybe she's not in the books. WILLOW: What do you mean? TARA: I mean, what if she's not a demon or sorceress or spirit or whatever these books cover? (Giles looks over at her as he rings up the sale) What if she's something else altogether? GILES: Thank you, come again. (Hands item to customer and comes out from behind counter toward the table) Something new, you mean? TARA: (shakes head) Something old. So old it pre-dates the written word. WILLOW: (thinks of something) Giles, the Dagon sphere. You said that was created to repel... GILES: That which cannot be named. (removes glasses thoughtfully) WILLOW: So I'm thinking maybe she... GILES: Predates language itself? Willow nods significantly. Xander looks puzzled. XANDER: Well hey, if it means I don't have to read any more, woo! And might I add a big hoo! GILES: If Tara's right, then we're blind. There's ... there's no way we can determine ... her moves, her habits, where she'll turn up next- He turns around, putting his glasses back on, and is confronted by Glory. She has a few items in her hands. GILES: Oh! I beg your- GLORY: (abruptly) Uh-huh. (holds up items) I want these. GILES: Yes, of course! (hurries behind the counter, taking the items) Um, you find everything all right? GLORY: No problemo. (takes out her purse as Giles scribbles on a receipt) GILES: That's, um... sh*t of Xander, Tara, and Willow sitting at the table, ignoring Giles and his "customer." Cash register noises. They continue looking at the books. GILES: Your receipt. (Hands receipt to an impatient Glory) And ... (puts items in a paper bag) Thank you! (hands bag to Glory. She smiles and leaves. Giles watches her, smiling.) GILES: (turns back to the others, removes glasses again) She could be anywhere. But if she is as powerful as, uh, Buffy says, I imagine it won't be long before she makes herself known. sh*t of the others sighing and turning back to the books. Cut to hospital. Dawn is curled up asleep on an armchair. Riley drapes his jacket over her and crouches beside her. Across the room we see Buffy sitting and watching them. Riley comes over to sit next to her. She puts her head on his shoulder. He kisses the top of her head. Suddenly Buffy sees the doctor approaching. She gets up and walks over to him, leaving Riley behind. DR. ISAACS: Everything went fine, they're moving her into recovery now. BUFFY: (nervous) Do we have the results yet? DR. ISAACS: Let's, um, sit down over here for a minute. BUFFY: No! (more quietly) Excuse me, no, I ... I don't mean to be rude, I just, I've been sitting for hours, I don't wanna sit. I just ... tell me, please. DR. ISAACS: Your mother has ... the term is low-grade glioma. It's a brain tumor. The clinical name is oligodendroglioma. It's in the left hemisphere of the cerebrum. In your mother's case the tumor seems to have started there. In other words, it hasn't spread from another part of the body... He keeps talking but his voice fades out as the camera zooms slowly in on Buffy's dismayed face. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on Buffy still listening to the doctor. DR. ISAACS: I know this is very difficult, and, uh, because of the nature of your mother's illness ... unfortunately, things may progress very quickly. BUFFY: Things? What things? DR. ISAACS: Symptoms. There's a fair variety that might present. Loss of vision or appetite, lack of muscle control, uh, mood swings... BUFFY: But what can we do? DR. ISAACS: Well, not much, until we determine if the tumor's operable. Which we are working on. (Leads Buffy over to some chairs and they sit) BUFFY: Is there something that I ... I mean ... can I help? DR. ISAACS: Well, there's some literature you might want to look at. If we aren't able to go in surgically, there are a number of new treatments that are very promising. Your mother's prognosis is a lot better today than it would have been only a year ago. Even if the tumor's not operable, she has a real chance. BUFFY: What's a real chance? DR. ISAACS: Nearly one out of three patients with this condition does just fine. (Buffy sits back looking shocked. Camera stays on her face as the doctor continues.) Now, let me ask. Does your mother's insurance company require copies of the MRI and pathology reports? BUFFY: I'm not sure. DR. ISAACS: (OS) Well, just let me know as soon as possible. And I could use some information regarding your mom's lifestyle and home environment. For instance, does she use a cell phone? BUFFY: (frowns) Uh, I think so. Uh, yeah, she um, she-she has one of those ear things. DR. ISAACS: OK, is your house near any power lines, chemical plants, waste disposal facilities? BUFFY: Uh ... I-I don't know. Maybe. DR. ISAACS: Well, the more we know... BUFFY: I'm sorry. The doctor scowls and writes on his clipboard. Ben approaches and puts his hand on the doctor's shoulder. BEN: Excuse me Doc, but they told me you're needed in ICU. DR. ISAACS: Excuse me, Miss Summers. (Gets up) BUFFY: (distracted) Uh, it's okay. Isaacs leaves and Ben sits down next to Buffy. BEN: Thought you looked like you needed a break. Guy's great, but he doesn't have the bone in his head that tells him when to back off. BUFFY: You mean ... they, they didn't need him? BEN: Well, I'm sure someone does somewhere, they always do. He really is a good doctor. Your mom's in good hands. BUFFY: (smiles) Thank you. It's Ben, right? BEN: Right. BUFFY: He, um, he was just telling me that there's nothing I can do. BEN: Yeah, I'm gonna tell you the same thing. Give yourself a break. Listen, your mom's gonna be unconscious for at least another six, seven hours. BUFFY: A break? BEN: Well, I just mean go out, get some air. Come back later on this evening, talk to the doc then if you want. My unsolicited advice of the day. He leaves. Buffy leans her head back and sighs deeply. RILEY: (OS) Buffy. Riley approaches and Buffy gets up to hug him. BUFFY: It's bad. RILEY: I know. BUFFY: I ... (grabs her coat and puts it on) I have to do something. RILEY: Do something? BUFFY: Yeah, like, you know, magic, like a healing spell. RILEY: Buffy ... people get sick. I don't think magic- BUFFY: That attitude's not helping. (Riley looks cowed) I have to try. RILEY: Okay. BUFFY: I need to talk to Giles. Uh, will you do me a favor and, and drop Dawn off at school, and tell her I'll meet her at the magic shop in an hour when she gets off? RILEY: Of course, whatever you need me to do. (Buffy starts to leave) Buffy! (she stops) What do you want me to tell Dawn ... about your mom? They both look at Dawn, still sleeping in the chair with Riley's jacket over her. BUFFY: Tell her we don't know anything yet. Riley nods. Buffy turns and leaves. Cut to magic shop. Anya is looking through a pile of receipts. We see Xander in the background. Suddenly Anya stops and stares at a receipt. ANYA: Hey. (louder) Hey! (shouting) HEY! Xander turns to look at her. Anya holds up the receipt and waves it as Giles, Willow and Tara come rushing over. Giles wears a large false smile. ANYA: HEY! GILES: Anya, your heys are startling the customers. XANDER: And-and pretty much the state. ANYA: You sold someone a Khul's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone. GILES: Yes, I believe I did. (takes receipt and examines it) ANYA: Are you stupid or something? GILES: Allow me to answer that question with a f*ring. XANDER: She's kidding! (to Anya) An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five. ANYA: (grabs receipt back from Giles) You never sell these things together, ever! Bad news! Don't you know about the Sobekites? WILLOW: Oh! I do. It was an ancient Egyptian cult, heavy into dark magic. (Anya nods) TARA: And the Khul's amulet, wasn't that a transmogrification conduit? ANYA: Damn straight! GILES: Be that as it may, I still see no reason for concern. I mean, the-the Sobekian transmogrification spells were lost thousands of years ago. And besides, the young woman to whom I sold them would have to have had enormous power- (Stops suddenly.) WILLOW: (quietly) Young woman? GILES: Oh, dear lord. Everyone looks alarmed except Xander, who looks confused. XANDER: What? Cut to a carousel whirling around, brightly lit, playing cheerful music. Pan down to Riley and Dawn sitting on a bench in front of it. Dawn is holding an ice-cream float, poking at it with her spoon, distracted. RILEY: You're melting. DAWN: Oh, um ... guess I'm not hungry. RILEY: Maybe I'm not making this any better. DAWN: No, I just ... this is better. (They smile nervously at each other and are quiet for a moment.) I had my tenth birthday party here. RILEY: Really? DAWN: Mm-hmm. We'd just moved to Sunnydale, and ... Mom rented the carousel for an entire hour for just me and my friends. (pauses) Except I hadn't made any friends yet, so ... it was just me and Mom and Buffy riding it by ourselves, over and over and over again... (Riley smiles) for the whole hour, just so Mom felt like we'd gotten our money's worth. (Pause, then Dawn speaks with her voice breaking) She's ... she's not gonna get better, is she? RILEY: (leans toward her) Absolutely she will. Summers women are tough. Dawn smiles. DAWN: I'm really glad you're here. RILEY: Thanks. DAWN: Buffy's glad too. RILEY: (smiles skeptically) Yeah? DAWN: She sure cries a lot less with you than she did with Angel. RILEY: (surprised) Angel ... made her cry a lot, huh? DAWN: Everything with him was all ... (grimaces, makes claw motions with hands) eee, you know? RILEY: All...? DAWN: You know ... "my boyfriend's a vampire" crazy crazy. (Riley nods) Every day was like the end of the world. She doesn't get all worked up like that over you. Riley looks stung, but tries not to show it. Dawn realizes she didn't say the right thing. DAWN: I think you've been really good for her. She smiles encouragingly. Riley tries to return her smile, but he doesn't really feel it. Cut to magic shop. BUFFY: So I figured there has to be some kind of mystical cure, right? I mean, like a, a potion, or a spell or something. We have to look. During this speech the camera pans around the table showing us Anya, Xander, Tara, Buffy, and Willow sitting, and Giles standing, leaning with his hands on the table. WILLOW: We can look ... I mean, we will, but ... I haven't seen anything. GILES: The truth is, uh, the ... mystical and the medical aren't meant to mix, Buffy. Sorry, um .. .the human mind is very delicate. Too much can go wrong. TARA: Yeah, I've heard stories about people trying healing spells ... if we did something, it could make things a lot worse, Buffy. ANYA: We've done just about enough making things worse for one day, haven't we? Everyone looks guilty except Buffy, who looks confused. BUFFY: Why? What do you mean? XANDER: Uh, nothing. Anya broke a ... bippity boppity boo. A thing. Don't worry about it. ANYA: I did not! I didn't break- GILES: Anya, Buffy doesn't need to hear about your ... clumsiness right now. ANYA: (sighs) My clumsiness. I mean, that is so- (Willow and Xander give her meaningful looks. She looks at Buffy) ...like ... me. Slippery, slippery ... butterfingers. BUFFY: (not fooled) What happened? GILES: Nothing to concern you, uh- BUFFY: Giles! GILES: (sighs) The, uh, (embarrassed) demon woman was here, the one who att*cked you. Buffy looks alarmed. WILLOW: It's no biggie, she-she just got an amulet and a bloodstone. ANYA: That can create a monster. WILLOW: Okay, biggie. BUFFY: My god, are you guys okay though? I mean, did - no one got hurt, right? GILES: Oh no, thankfully, no, uh, no v*olence to speak of. BUFFY: Okay, so, that's good ... (not understanding why everyone looks guilty) How did she get away with this bad mojo stuff? Pause. The others look at each other in embarrassment. ANYA: (whispering) Giles sold it to her. (Buffy looks at Giles accusingly) GILES: (defensive) I, I, I... I didn't know it was her! I mean, how could I? (sighs) If it's any consolation, I may have overcharged her. TARA: Anya figured out what the demon lady's up to. ANYA: Yeah, a few thousand years ago there was this cult, the temple of Sobek. BUFFY: Sobek. ANYA: Reptile demon. Sobekites were reptile worshippers. XANDER: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. ANYA: (angrily) Great. Thank you very much for those nightmares. XANDER: Sorry. ANYA: Anyway, their high priest Khul had great mystic powers. He, um, forged an amulet with transmogrifying crystal. WILLOW: Transmogrifying is changing a living thing into a different kind of thing. GILES: We've managed to decipher the markings that were on the bloodstone that I sold - that she left with. Um, cobra. She's going to transmogrify a cobra. BUFFY: Okay, so she's making a monster. What for? What does it do? GILES: That's the part ... (clears throat) we're working on it. BUFFY: Well, you keep working on it I'll go k*ll it. (gets up to leave) GILES: Buffy? BUFFY: (turns back) What? I'm going. XANDER: Buffy, this chick creamed you last time. BUFFY: That's because I wasn't ready for her last time. I am now. WILLOW: But you- BUFFY: But what? Will, I can't just sit here. I have to do something. She leaves. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the Sunnydale Zoo, day. Cut to: inside the reptile building. Pan across a sign explaining the characteristics of the cobra. We see a cobra case with the snake inside. Pan back across to Glory looking at the case. She punches a fist through the glass, reaches in and grabs the snake. She holds it up to her face, smiling. The snake hisses. Glory hisses back(?). The snake's tail lashes angrily. GLORY: Chill, worm. I'm gonna make you a star! (Laughs. We see Dreg watching, smiling.) Glory takes the snake by the tail and lowers it into a large clay vase, head-first. Dreg watches anxiously, then hands her the amulet. She holds it in both hands, over the mouth of the vase. GLORY: Chant! Dreg opens the scroll and begins to chant in a foreign language. Titles at the bottom of the screen translate. DREG: The form is vessel, rendered new. The base is stone, bathed in blood. The gem is f*re and elements rarified... GLORY: (speaks English) Sobek, grant the power ... (Dreg continues chanting) that it may mold this wretched creature ... that it may be reborn ... that it may serve ... (irritated) ah! Dark incantations! Always overwritten! (Dreg stops chanting, looks uncertainly at her) Why can't they just cut to the- Suddenly Buffy tackles Glory from the side, slamming her into a wall. BUFFY: Fight? Buffy kicks Glory in the face. GLORY: No fair- (Buffy kicks her again) attacking- (Buffy punches her in the stomach, then in the face) when I wasn't even looking! (Buffy grabs her head and begins slamming it against the wall) Ow! (She grabs Buffy's hand, removes it from her head, and slams Buffy into the wall.) No, this is no good. (Buffy rises and tries to punch her again; Glory grabs Buffy's arm and pulls it behind her) I'm out of the moment... (braces her other hand against Buffy's shoulder) and you're not giving me anything I can use. Dreg! I'm not hearing chanting! (Punches Buffy in the face, then slams her against the wall) DREG: (OS) Yes, Glory. (resumes chanting) Glory lifts Buffy to her feet again. GLORY: Hey, hey. Work with me here. (Flings Buffy backward against another wall. She slides down to sit on the floor.) There! (grabs Buffy's hair and knees her in the face) That feels more real, don't you think? (Pulls Buffy up and flings her against another wall. Buffy lands upside down and stares, gasping, as Glory approaches. She grabs Buffy by the throat and lifts her up again. GLORY: Even if I do have to carry your performance. She throws Buffy across the room. Buffy crashes through the glass into the snake case. GLORY: (throws up her arms) Scene! DREG: Cir hayyan win-hud! GLORY: (walking toward the vase) Arise. (louder) Arise. DREG: Cir hayyan win-hud! GLORY: (annoyed) Arise! The vase rocks wildly back and forth. Suddenly it explodes as the creature bursts out of it. It looks like a very large snake, but with arms. It hisses and sways back and forth. DREG: He is arisen! GLORY: 'Bout damn time! (Smiles. Blackout.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on the reptile house. Dreg and Glory watch the creature arising. Buffy picks herself up and climbs out of the cage, unnoticed. GLORY: Spawn of Sobek! The creature turns toward her and approaches. She smiles and puts her hands on its face. GLORY: The power is yours ... (We see Buffy leaving) to see what is unseen. To find what is shrouded in shadow. Already, you know what I seek. I have given you form, now find for me the key. Seek it out in the holy places. (The creature hisses) Yes, yes, yes! Let your vision guide you to its hiding place, and then return to me and tell me where it lies. Her smile fades as the creature continues to stare at her. GLORY: Now would be good. She smiles again and claps her hands as the creature turns away. GLORY: (giggles) Fun, fun, fun! Cut to magic shop. Giles talking to a customer. GILES: Aleister Crowley Sings? Um, sadly, no, I-I don't carry that, but I do have some very nice whale sounds. (Sees Riley entering) Oh, excuse me for a moment. Giles walks toward Riley. We see Xander also getting up and coming to join them. RILEY: Where's Buffy? GILES: Um, she-she left a while ago. RILEY: What? (sighs) Where? XANDER: That creepy demon woman's conjuring some kind of monster. RILEY: And you let Buffy go after her? Alone? GILES: Uh, "let" isn't really a factor when she sets her mind to something, you know that. (He sees a customer approaching the counter and hurries off.) RILEY: (to Xander) She'll get herself k*lled. It's crazy. XANDER: Yeah. Crazy. Going off alone, half-cocked, instead of waiting for much-needed backup ... charging in with a big old hand grenade ... oh, wait. Riley looks a little guilty. RILEY: This is different. XANDER: Yeah, it is. Buffy needs something she can fight, something she can solve. I don't know what kind of action you're looking for ... (looks closer at Riley) Do you? Riley stares at him, then looks away. XANDER: Hey, I'm not trying to get- RILEY: It's cool. XANDER: You okay? RILEY: (nods) Just a little crazed. XANDER: I hear ya. RILEY: (moving toward the door) If, uh, she needs me... (He shrugs and leaves.) Cut to: exterior sh*t of a church. Cut to: interior of church. Pan across a statue of Jesus on the cross. Pan down. We see the snake creature moving through the church, hissing. Its eyes are yellow. Cut to Magic Box. Giles hands something to a customer as the phone rings. He moves to answer it. GILES: Magic Box, your one-stop spot to shop for- BUFFY: (on phone) Giles, it's me. GILES: Buffy! You all right? Cut to Buffy in the hospital, on a pay phone. BUFFY: No, I'm really not. (takes an ice-pack from a nearby rack of medical supplies; sighs) I-I couldn't stop her. I couldn't even slow her down. GILES: Where are you? BUFFY: (puts the ice-pack inside her jacket, on her shoulder) Sunnydale Memorial. GILES: Are you badly hurt? I'll, I'll come right over. BUFFY: No. No, I-I just wanted to warn you that that thing she conjured, it's loose -- it's a big snake thing. Not mayor big, but it's pretty (winces) lethal looking. GILES: Do you know why she raised it? BUFFY: I don't know yet. GILES: I'll warn the others. We'll get w*apon, we'll fan out- BUFFY: Wait. What time is it? GILES: (looks at his watch) Half past four, why? BUFFY: School's out. Dawn's on her way over to you. Giles- GILES: Understood. We'll keep her safe here until you arrive. BUFFY: Thanks. And Giles... GILES: Yes? BUFFY: Dawn's kind of fragile right now. About Mom. She doesn't know how bad it is. GILES: We'll not say a word. BUFFY: (sighs) Well, my mom's gonna wake up soon, and I should ... be there when the doctors tell her. GILES: She's in good hands, Buffy. There's really nothing else you can do. BUFFY: Okay. Bye. GILES: Bye. They hang up. Buffy walks off through the hospital halls, possibly limping a little. Begin slow piano music without words. sh*t of Riley drinking in Willy's bar. sh*t of Buffy sitting in the hospital, waiting. sh*t of Dawn sitting at the table in the magic shop, trying to do homework but unable to concentrate. Cut to bar. Sandy walks over to sit next to Riley. He looks at her. Cut to hospital. Buffy sits on the hospital bed next to Joyce as the doctor talks. Joyce reacts to the news, turning her head away, then composes herself and turns back as she puts on a brave smile for Buffy. Cut to a dark room where Riley and Sandy are alone. Sandy smiles up at Riley and runs her hands over his chest, pushing his jacket aside. sh*t of Riley's face as Sandy kisses his neck. She pulls back and we see she's in vampire face. Riley looks a little apprehensive as he moves his head aside, exposing his neck. Sandy leans forward to bite him. Riley jerks in pain as Sandy bites him, then slowly he relaxes as she begins to drink. He closes his eyes and puts one hand on the back of her head. Suddenly he thrusts her away forcefully. sh*t of Sandy staring at him, then she crumbles to dust. sh*t of the stake in Riley's hand. Pan up to his face. We see blood running down his neck from the bite marks. He looks a little shaken. Cut to the snake creature moving across grass, night. It slithers up to the carousel, sees the bench where Riley and Dawn sat earlier. It hisses, its tongue flickers and its eyes glow red for a moment. It moves off. Cut to exterior sh*t of the Magic Box. A customer exits holding a bag. Buffy walks up to the door, pauses, and enters. Cut to inside. Giles is yawning and putting on his suit jacket. Willow is at the counter reading a book, looking tired. Buffy walks in. Dawn sees her and jumps up from the table. We see Xander and Anya in the background as Dawn walks quickly over to Buffy. They hug. DAWN: Is she awake yet? BUFFY: Yeah. She's waiting for us. Dawn pulls back to look Buffy in the face. DAWN: Can we take her home now? Buffy tries to smile, brushes hair back from Dawn's face. BUFFY: We'll see. Go get your stuff. Willow and Giles watch with concern. Dawn turns away to gather her stuff. BUFFY: (sighs, speaks quietly to Willow and Giles) So, any monster reptile sightings? GILES: None. WILLOW: Tara and I did a mini-patrol earlier, but biggie snake was nowhere to be- Suddenly the snake creature bursts in through the display window. Everyone turns as it slithers inside and rears up, looking at them. Dawn is in the forefront. The snake smacks a display case with one arm and it topples over onto Buffy, knocking her to the floor. The snake moves toward Dawn, who screams continuously as it looms over her. Its eyes glow red again. Dawn continues screaming as Buffy struggles to get out from under the case, and the snake stares at Dawn. Then it turns and slithers quickly back out the way it came in. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the magic shop. Tara and Willow get up from behind the counter as Xander rushes over to Dawn. XANDER: Dawn, you okay? WILLOW: Why was the big snake afraid of Dawn? Giles rushes up to Buffy as she frees herself from under the case and stands up. BUFFY: (whispers) It knows! She turns and runs out. Giles runs after her. Buffy runs out into the street and stops to stare. Overhead sh*t of the city street as the huge snake slithers down the middle of the street and people run out of its path. A car comes around the corner and screeches to a stop as the creature moves past it. People scream. Buffy starts to run after the creature. Giles comes out of the magic shop, sees her running, and moves off in another direction. sh*t of the snake moving down an alley with Buffy running after it. Buffy turns as Giles' convertible comes around the corner and screeches to a stop beside her. She jumps in and Giles burns rubber after the creature. As they round a corner, the creature uses its tail to shove a dumpster out into the car's path. Giles swerves to avoid it and crashes into a pile of garbage bags. Giles struggles to shift into reverse. BUFFY: I've gotta stop this monster before it gets back to Glory. GILES: Glory? BUFFY: That's what he called her. Giles, she's gonna know Dawn's the key if we don't- GILES: We will. Giles backs the car out and they resume the chase. Cut to: Exterior sh*t of Glory's apartment building. DREG: (OS) Please! Please, mistress! Cut to inside the apartment. Dreg is cowering as Glory throws shoeboxes at him. DREG: Perturbed, yet ultimately merciful- Glory sweeps a pile of shoeboxes off the sofa in annoyance. DREG: Please, don't- GLORY: What is taking so long, Dreg? You told me snakey-wakey would find my key. Now why isn't he back here with a beautiful message for me? DREG: I grovel like a bug, most silky and effervescent Glorificus- (She throws more shoeboxes at him) Glory! Glory. Your most fresh and cleanness, it's just a matter of time. GLORY: (angrily) Ohh! Everything takes time! What about my time? Does anyone appreciate that I'm on a schedule here? (Dreg nods nervously) Tick, tock, Dreg! Tick frickin' tock! Cut to the snake slithering down darkened streets with Giles' car in pursuit. They careen around a corner and nearly slam into another car. The snake tears down a section of fence that's covered with a tarp, and moves off past it as Giles' car passes the fence with a screech of tires. Giles reverses back into view, and Buffy leaps out of the car and runs through the broken fence, past picnic tables, across a wide expanse of grass. We see Buffy running across the grass after the snake; she seems to be tiring. The creature knocks over a sign reading "Bike path, closed after dusk." Buffy pauses to grab a piece of chain from another section of fence as the snake flees into a more wooded area. Buffy leaps up onto a large rock as the snake passes around it. She leaps off the rock and lands on the snake's back, looping the chain around its neck. The snake rears up and thrashes, trying to throw her off, but she holds on, tightening the chain around its neck and riding it like a wild horse. It bucks and fights but finally goes still as a gray film comes down over its eyes. Buffy frowns and lets go of the chain, which drops to the ground. Suddenly the gray film slides aside and the snake rears up again, throwing Buffy off. She flies backward and lands on her back in the grass. The snake turns to growl at her as she gets up. She punches it in the face, making it reel backward. She climbs on top of it and begins punching it in the face, over and over. We see the tip of its tail thrashing and finally lying still as the creature dies. Buffy continues to punch it, grunting with each blow. Long sh*t of Buffy crouching over the d*ad creature and still steadily punching it. Pan up across lawn and trees, and we see the apartment building looming up behind the trees. Cut to a closer sh*t of the building with Glory in one of the windows, looking out. Zoom in on her as she frowns and looks from side to side, then lets the curtain drop back over the window as she moves away. Cut to Joyce's hospital room. Buffy stands beside the bed. BUFFY: You want me to stay? JOYCE: No, I'm fine. I-I think I should ... talk to Dawn alone. BUFFY: (nods) Okay. JOYCE: Oh. Do I have bad hair? (puts hands to her head) I don't look like scary mom, do I? BUFFY: (smiles) No. You look beautiful. (She brushes some hair back from Joyce's forehead. Joyce smiles bravely.) JOYCE: Okay. Let's do this. (puts her hand on Buffy's arm) Stay close. BUFFY: (puts her other hand over Joyce's) I will. Buffy turns and goes to the door, lets Dawn in. Dawn smiles nervously and walks over to hug Joyce. Buffy pauses in the doorway to watch them embrace. RILEY: (OS) Buffy... Buffy leaves the door slightly open, turns to walk toward Riley. He's wearing a turtleneck sweater. RILEY: You okay? You look pretty b*at up. BUFFY: (nods) Minimal damage of the fighting kind. It's all the other kind. RILEY: Come here. He hugs her. RILEY: It's okay. Just let it out. I'm right here. BUFFY: I can't. (sniffles, pulls back) Not now. (glances toward the hospital room) They need me. If I start now ... I won't be able to stop. She bites her lip and we see tears in her eyes. Riley starts to lift his hand to her face. JOYCE: (OS) Buffy? Buffy turns and walks back to the hospital room door, wiping her eyes. Riley watches her enter the room and close the door behind her. Long sh*t of Riley standing in the hallway, putting his hands in his pockets. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x08 - Shadow"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Sandy rubbing Riley's chest. Sandy leaning in to bite Riley. He thrusts her away and she crumbles to dust. DREG: This dark spell I hold in my worthless hand is our gift to you, Glorificus... GLORY: (trying on a shoe) Please, call me Glory. TARA: What if she's something else altogether? GILES: Something new, you mean? TARA: (shakes head) Something old. So old it pre-dates the written word. Glory in the warehouse with the tied-up monk. SECURITY GUARD: Lady, whatever you are, please ... I have two daughters. Glory screaming and putting her hands on the security guard's head. Light streams out of his eyes and mouth. Glory makes a pained face. The guard slumping to the floor with Glory on top of him. Monk talking to Buffy. MONK: The key ... is energy. My brethren sent it to you. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. GILES: She has no idea. BUFFY: No. She thinks she's my kid sister. Buffy putting her arm around Dawn in the hospital, drawing Dawn's head onto her shoulder. BUFFY VOICEOVER: I have to take care of her. Joyce in the CAT scan machine. DOCTOR: Your mother has ... low-grade glioma. It's a brain tumor. Buffy reacting. Episode begins: A tray of hospital food. A hand picks up a piece of green Jello. Pull back to discover Joyce and Dawn sitting in the hospital bed while Buffy sits beside the bed. Joyce has a bandage on her forehead. Dawn is eating green Jello with her fingers. JOYCE: Listen you two, I know this creamed spinach is pretty delicious, but I promise, I won't be offended if you go out for some real food. BUFFY: You kidding me? This is the good life. Relaxing in bed while people bring you food on trays. DAWN: (licking fingers) I like the Jello. JOYCE: (laughs) Help yourself. There's something about food that moves by itself that gives me the heebie-jeebies. DAWN: It's good and wiggly. (speaks with mouth full) This girl at school told me that gelatin is made from ground-up cow's feet, and that if you eat Jello there's some cows out limping with no feet. Joyce and Buffy grimace. DAWN: But I told her I'm sure they k*ll 'em before they take off their feet. (Suddenly nervous) Right? BUFFY: (to Joyce) You're the one who insisted on teaching her to talk. A doctor enters. JOYCE: Oh, hello, Dr. Kriegel, um, you know my girls, (gestures to them) Buffy and Dawn. DR. KRIEGEL: Yes, of course. You two are becoming part of the regular crew around here. BUFFY: Just keeping her company. DR. KRIEGEL: Good. Just be careful you don't wear her out. JOYCE: Ohh, don't worry about that. I woke up exhausted, there's really no more exhausted to get. The doctor takes Joyce's chart and looks at it. DR. KRIEGEL: Well, maybe some good news will help. The blood work's come back from the lab, and everything seems fine. So, we've scheduled your surgery for day after tomorrow at ten in the morning. Buffy and Joyce sober up at this. DR. KRIEGEL: How's that sound to you? JOYCE: Oh, well, I think they had me scheduled for volleyball, but, ah, we can work around it. DR. KRIEGEL: (laughs) All right. Joyce, you take care. Make sure you get some good solid rest. And I mean that. (Exits) JOYCE: Uhh, the day after tomorrow. I don't think I can stand to stay here another two days just waiting. BUFFY: Waiting? Gimme a break, we got, we got tons to do. DAWN: We have soap operas to watch and trashy magazines to read. BUFFY: And an adjustable bed to fiddle with. That alone will keep me busy for four hours or so. JOYCE: Oh, I really don't need you to stay here, Buffy. I know you've got patrolling to do. BUFFY: Not tonight. Tonight I have mom-taking-care-of to do. And besides, Riley's filling in for me with the others. I'm sure they have everything under control. Cut to: graveyard, night. Giles has a dark-haired female vampire in a choke-hold from behind while Willow att*cks from the front. The vampire shoves Willow away and twists out of Giles' grip. Another female vampire, this one blonde, throws Xander to the ground as the first one throws Giles over her shoulder. The blonde vampire grabs Xander's shirt and pulls him upright. Willow gets to her feet, holding a stake. She rushes at the brunette vampire, but the vampire grabs her, lifts her over her head, and throws her to the ground. Xander rushes the blonde vampire from behind and she grabs him in a headlock and punches him in the face. Giles rushes the brunette vampire and tries to lift her over his shoulder but she punches him in the back and then knees him in the chest. The blonde vampire still has Xander in a headlock and is punching him. Giles reels to his feet, disoriented, and the brunette vampire punches him in the face. Xander breaks free of the blonde vampire and she punches him in the face with both her hands clasped together. Willow gets to her feet again as the two female vamps are beating up on Giles and Xander. She picks up her stake and runs forward. The brunette vampire throws Giles over her shoulder and as she straightens up, Willow comes up behind her and stakes her. Giles grabs for his own stake. The blonde vampire shoves Xander to the ground and tries to get on top of him but he gets his feet on her stomach and kicks her backward. He gets up and lunges at her but she deflects him and throws him against a crypt. He staggers to his feet and she puts her hand on his neck and shoves him back against the crypt. Giles lunges forward, shoves the vampire out of the way and raises his stake as if to s*ab Xander. XANDER: Human chest! Human chest! GILES: Sorry! The blonde vamp gets up, shoves Willow away as she approaches. Willow falls to the ground again. The vampire goes to where Giles and Xander are still standing by the crypt and shoves them up against it with one hand on each of their chests. They stare at her in alarm. Willow runs up behind the vampire and stakes her. The guys gasp and pant as Willow begins to grin. GILES: My god, what a rough night. WILLOW: (giggling, grabbing at Xander) I just did two of 'em! Yay on me! (giggles in exhilaration) Xander grins. The guys come on either side of Willow and they begin to walk off. WILLOW: That was pretty cool. Except the part where I was all terrified and ... and now my knees are all dizzy. Giles stops them as he spots something on the ground and bends over to pick it up. It turns out to be his glasses. XANDER: Not so much a big success night for me. (They resume walking as Giles begins cleaning his glasses on his shirt) But I think I should get points just for showing up. Unlike some Riley Finn who shall remain unnamed. GILES: Yes, that was disappointing. Things would have been easier if he'd been here. (Puts glasses on) WILLOW: Oh, piffle, who needs him when I'm dusting two at a ti- (She suddenly staggers and they catch her, each grabbing an arm) Whoops. (smiles nervously at Xander) Maybe it would've been good if ... he'd shown up. GILES: Perhaps he forgot. They walk off. Cut to: exterior sh*t of an alley, doorway of what could be an abandoned warehouse. Cut to inside. It's littered with random pieces of furniture and debris. Pan across the dark room to where Riley is sitting on an old armchair or couch. A female vampire is crouched next to him, drinking blood from his outstretched arm. She lifts her head and smiles at him. Riley is stone-faced. The vampire returns to feeding, gripping Riley's arm in both hands. He stares off into the darkness. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Charlie Weber, Nick Chinlund, Kevin Weisman, Randy Thompson, Amber Benson as Tara and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Solomon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on hospital. Joyce is reading in bed while Buffy and Dawn are doing something at a nearby table. Willow enters with a large colorful paper bag. WILLOW: Care package! Special delivery for the Summers girls. (Puts the bag on the bed next to Joyce. Dawn comes running over, as Buffy follows more slowly) Now, let's see what I have in this sack of mine. Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger and female and, well, Jewish. (Joyce smiles as Willow reaches into the bag) This (to Dawn) is an extra-special gift for your mom, that I know she'll need. (pulls it out) A beer hat! See, i-it's got cup holders, and a straw that goes directly into your mouth, and (to Joyce) you can fill it with other stuff than beer. And somehow, when I was in the store this seemed like the most important idea (Buffy and Dawn smile at each other. Buffy is holding a cup) and now there's the whole part where I'm crazy. JOYCE: It's perfect. Thank you, Willow. You're very sweet. Willow hands the beer hat to Dawn. WILLOW: Now, let's see, who's next? Dawn, I believe I have something in here for you... Joyce is now holding the cup. She puts her hand to her head and grimaces. Buffy looks concerned. BUFFY: (quietly) Headache? Dawn stops smiling. JOYCE: Just a little one. (smiles) A biggish little one. (Willow stops going through the bag, looks concerned) I'm fine! Go on, what else is in that sack of goodies, Willow? WILLOW: All right. Dawn, to keep you busy. She takes out a book marked "Spells" and hands it to Dawn, who smiles in delight. DAWN: Ooh, spells! Thank you, Willow! She hurries over to a nearby chair and sits down to read. Buffy folds her arms and looks at Willow. BUFFY: You got her a book on spells. (Willow stops smiling) The girl who can break things by just looking at them, now has a book to teach her to ... break things by looking at them? WILLOW: Oh, well, it doesn't actually have spells in it. Just history, and anecdotes, stuff like that. sh*t of Dawn quietly reading the book. WILLOW: Oh, Buffy- (reaches into bag) I have this for you. (Pulls out a large textbook called "World History" and gives it to Buffy) BUFFY: Homework? (pouts) Oh. I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa any more. WILLOW: (smiling) And a yo-yo. (Pulls yo-yo out of bag and gives it to Buffy) BUFFY: (smiling) Thank you. WILLOW: The book is just in case you get a chance to look it over. sh*t of Joyce looking thoughtful. WILLOW: (OS) We're doing World w*r One now. The last exam was really pretty easy, just underlying causes and trench foot. So it should be no hassle to make it up- BUFFY: (sighs) I don't even know if I'm gonna take that exam. JOYCE: (scowling) I'd rip it in half and stick it in bed with me! The girls look confused. Dawn looks up from her book. BUFFY: (tentatively) Mom? Joyce looks confused. JOYCE: You know, I think I'm gonna take a little rest now. She hands her cup to Buffy as Willow packs up her bag. Buffy puts the cup on a nearby table as Joyce lies back in bed. BUFFY: Okay. We'll be right outside if you need us. Dawn gets up and they leave. Joyce smiles after them, then lies back and closes her eyes. Cut to hallway. Dawn looks anxious as Buffy closes the door behind herself. DAWN: (to Willow) What was she talking about? I mean, that was weird. WILLOW: She's gonna be fine. BUFFY: (joins them) It's okay. I'm sorry, the doctor spoke to me, and uh, I should have told you. Um, the, the thing that's pressing on her brain, sometimes it, it might make her say weird things. DAWN: Does she know she's saying them? BUFFY: Not really. It's sort of like a flash, you know, but you saw her two seconds afterward. She was normal. WILLOW: And after the operation, no more pressing. She'll be all normal all the time. Buffy and Willow take Dawn's arms and they begin to walk down the hall. DAWN: (to Buffy) Is that right? BUFFY: Hey, Santa doesn't lie. Dawn and Willow smile. As they walk down the hall, a man passes them going the other way with three women. He brushes Buffy. BUFFY: Oh, excuse me. MAN: Careful, the facts say a-a picnic is in order. It's the security guard from the warehouse (see episode "No Place Like Home"). He turns around to look back at the three girls. GUARD: What is that thing? He points at Dawn and walks back toward them, becoming agitated. The three women with him exchange a worried look. GUARD: There-there's no data. There's no pictures on this one there! He continues pointing at Dawn. She looks scared. The guard's wife comes forward. GUARD: What is the data? (scared) There's no one in there. DAWN: (scared) Buffy? BUFFY: (grabs Dawn and turns her away) Come on, honey. Don't worry about it. Buffy and Willow stare over their shoulders as they hustle Dawn away. The guard turns to his wife. GUARD: I'm going home? (Wife nods) Home? Home, home, home. His wife escorts him away. Buffy, Dawn, and Willow turn back to look. DAWN: What's wrong with him? (sh*t of the guard being led away by his wife and daughters) Is it like Mom? A thing in his head? BUFFY: (staring after the guard) I don't think so, I-I think it's, it's different. Don't, don't worry about it. (Brushes hair back from Dawn's face) Ben approaches. BEN: I guess I missed that, was he bothering you? BUFFY: Hey Ben, uh, this is my friend Willow. BEN: Hi. WILLOW: Hi. (They shake hands) BUFFY: And, uh, yeah, the crazy man was a little ... you know, crazy, but it's okay. (Dawn still looks shaken) Are they really gonna send him home? BEN: Don't get me started. The mental ward's booked beyond capacity, literally nowhere to put them, so the ones with families, they're letting 'em go home. Like his family's gonna be able to take care of him. He has to have someone to watch him 24-7! (looks at Dawn) What was he saying to you? DAWN: I- BUFFY: Oh, he was just babbling. Cut to: aerial sh*t of Sunnydale, night. Pan across roofs and treetops. Cut to: roof of a UCS dorm building. Willow and Tara are lying side-by-side on their backs on a sleeping bag, with pillows under their heads and another sleeping bag covering them. WILLOW: You know what's weird? TARA: Japanese commercials are weird. WILLOW: Yes. And also, you know some of the stars we're looking at ... don't even exist any more? In the time that it takes for their light to reach us, they've died. Exploded. (Tara turns her head to look at Willow) Poof. TARA: Were, um ... were things rough at the hospital? Willow frowns and shrugs. WILLOW: You know, I used to love to look up at them when I was little. They're supposed to make you feel all insignificant, but ... they made me feel like ... like I was in space ... part of the stars. (points) There's ... Canis Minor ... and ... (points) and Cassiopeia. TARA: (smiles, points) And the big pineapple. Willow frowns. WILLOW: Hmm. You know, I'm not sure I remember that one. TARA: Oh, it's, it's a major one. (points) See those three bright stars right over there? Willow moves over to put her head on Tara's shoulder and look along Tara's pointing arm. sh*t of the starry sky with Tara's finger pointing. WILLOW: Yeah. TARA: And see those stars along there? (sh*t of the stars) That's the bottom of the pineapple. WILLOW: It's big. TARA: Hence the name. (pause) The real ones never made sense to me, I ... sort of have my own. WILLOW: Teach me. TARA: (points) See those stars over there? "Short man looking uncomfortable." They both giggle. TARA: Uh... (points) "Moose getting a sponge bath." Umm... "little pile o'crackers." (Willow frowns) Tha-that was a bit of a stretch. (They both laugh) You do it. What would you call ... mm, that one? (points) WILLOW: Hmm, let's see. sh*t of the starry sky. One of the stars suddenly enlarges and streaks toward the earth, trailing a golden tail. WILLOW: A huge flaming meteor about to crash into something! They scramble to their feet as the thing flies past them and lands somewhere in the distance. A burst of light momentarily flashes from behind trees. Cut to: Darkness. Bits of flaming rubble slowly appear as we see from the perspective of something digging its way out of something. The camera moves jerkily as the something looks around, finds itself in a trench carved by the passage of the meteor. Our perspective rises as we climb up out of the trench and find rocky earth, surrounded by trees. In the distance we see the security guard walking toward us, alone. GUARD: (muttering to himself) I know what I said. I said-I said I won't go away far. A person needs to respect a man. We see the guard from the perspective of something low to the earth, moving swiftly toward him. GUARD: And then it says ... that... the facts says... he's got to go take a walk and get some fresh air and find some fresh spaces. He continues mumbling as we see from the perspective of something climbing a tree. GUARD: ...and some fresh space! And needs to walk to get ... to get where he's going. Suddenly something drops down from the tree onto his back. It's a creature with a wrinkly gray face, cloven hooves, and a carapace like a cockroach's. The guard yells and falls to the ground. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exterior hospital, night. Paramedics take a gurney from an ambulance and wheel it into the emergency room. Hospital noises. As they wheel the patient inside, we see the alien creature crawling along the ceiling above them. sh*t of its face. Its eyes are red and its mouth is like a big circle ringed with long yellow teeth. It is hairless. sh*t of the paramedics from the creature's point of view. Its vision appears slightly curved as if looking through a lens. Cut to: Joyce in her hospital bed, holding the nurse call button, pushing the button again and again. JOYCE: (irritated) This thing doesn't work! It isn't working! BUFFY: I'm sure they heard you. (Takes the call button from Joyce and puts it aside. We see Dawn in the background reading.) JOYCE: I bet it's not even hooked up to anything. Just like the push buttons at the crosswalk that are supposed to make the signal change. BUFFY: I'm sure someone's on - What, the push buttons aren't hooked up to anything? The doctor enters. JOYCE: Oh, tell him, Buffy. Tell him, okay? BUFFY: Look, Dr. Kriegel, we wanna go home. DR. KRIEGEL: Well, of course. You can come back and visit your mother first thing in the morning. BUFFY: No. We. I-I mean, all of us. My mom too. Joyce looks anxiously at the doctor and nods. DR. KRIEGEL: Oh. Well, I understand that, but it's not necessarily the first thing I'd recommend. JOYCE: I can't! I-I can't stay here waiting for two days for this operation, I just can't. (Doctor sighs) It makes my head hurt to be here, can't you tell that? DR. KRIEGEL: Joyce, there's no reason to get upset. JOYCE: No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor! Dawn looks upset. Joyce calms down slightly. BUFFY: Here, Dawn, why don't you get something from the machine? Buffy hands Dawn some money. She takes it and leaves, looking apprehensive. JOYCE: (softly to Buffy) I-I'm sorry I said that, I'm just tired. BUFFY: I know. Listen, Doctor, I don't see why we can't take her home, you know, just until... (gestures) I-I mean, wouldn't it be better for her to rest someplace where she felt safe and comfortable? DR. KRIEGEL: Even if it would mean some work for you, taking care of her? JOYCE: (sighs and leans back in bed) Oh, thank god. BUFFY: I'll do it, anything. DR. KRIEGEL: (sighs, shakes his head) There are medications to administer, I'd have to go over those with you, and I'd need for you to check her vitals, watch her pretty closely. I'm afraid you won't get a lot of sleep. BUFFY: (shrugs) I'm not much of a sleep person anyway. JOYCE: (anxiously) Can we go now? (starts to get out of bed) Let's go now! BUFFY: Oh, hold on! (stops her) Lemme get all the medications and all the instructions on how to do everything. DR. KRIEGEL: She's right. Let's do this right. We don't wanna forget anything. Joyce sighs. Cut to: Dawn sitting in the hallway reading her book. sh*t of her from overhead, in the alien creature's point of view. sh*t of Dawn reading as we see the creature crawling along the ceiling above her head. Cut to: Willow and Tara walking through forest, night. Then we see Riley, Xander, Anya, and Giles walking behind them. Giles has a flashlight. RILEY: Everyone stay close. (to Xander) I'm glad you called me in on this. XANDER: Glad you answered. RILEY: Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about last time. Heard I missed out on some fun. XANDER: Oh, yeah, fun was had. Also frolic, merriment, and near-death hijinks. RILEY: Look, there it is. (Pushes past Willow and Tara) They approach a long trench in the ground. It's about four feet deep, ten feet wide, and several hundred feet long. At its end there's a large chunk of what looks like rock. They all run up to the edge of the trench. Riley jumps down into it as Giles moves his flashlight over the rock. WILLOW: Wow. We have meteorite. The rock at the end of the trench is steaming or smoking. ANYA: Is it hot? Riley puts his hands toward it. ANYA: 'Cause, uh, if there's radiation, you could like go all sterile. Riley looks alarmed. Xander jumps backward. Riley touches the rock carefully. RILEY: No, it's not hot. It's warm. And broken. (Kneels to look at it. Everyone stares.) It's sort of- GILES: Hollow. RILEY: Yeah. ANYA: So, uh, we're all thinking the same thing, right? XANDER: Festive pinata? Delicious candy? WILLOW: Something evil crashed to earth in this and then broke out and ... slithered away to do badness. GILES: In all fairness, we don't really know about the slithered part. ANYA: Oh, no. I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb. TARA: Let's look around. Maybe we can figure out where it went. They move off. Riley climbs out of the trench to join them. They all go a little way into the woods. Willow moves around some trees and finds the security guard lying on the ground. WILLOW: It went here! They all rush over. Riley kneels by the body and feels its neck. RILEY: No pulse. Xander joins Riley by the guard's head. ANYA: Yep, the space lamb got 'im. (Giles gives her a disgusted look) XANDER: I don't see any marks on him. WILLOW: I-I know him! He, he was at the hospital, a mental patient. They released him today. Everyone leans down to look at the body. Riley takes out a pen and brings it toward the guard's mouth. GILES: Uh, Riley, what are you doing? RILEY: I'm not sure, there's something... He sticks the pen in the guard's mouth and it comes out covered with a clear slimy substance. Everyone reacts at the same time, making disgusted noises and covering their noses as it obviously smells bad. RILEY: Oh, that might be toxic, don't touch it. XANDER: Oh yeah, touching it was my first impulse. Luckily I've moved on to my second, which involves dry-heaving and running like hell. (straightens up) Oh, man, does that smell. ANYA: So what do we do now? WILLOW: We can't call Buffy. (b*at) I wanna call Buffy! TARA: You can't. She's got ... life stuff. That has to come first. WILLOW: So, so we'll just figure this out ourselves. We're experienced. ANYA: Yes, 'cause it seems like we're always dealing with creatures from outer space. Except that we don't ever do that. RILEY: (gets up) This is definitely new territory. GILES: Perhaps we should explore a bit more, head into the woods a bit. They all look into the woods. It's dark and scary-looking. XANDER: Who votes research? Everyone raises their hands and starts to walk away, except Riley. WILLOW: Research. RILEY: Yeah, I think that's a good call. There could have been some other cases like this. I'm gonna stay here, examine the body some more, look around a little bit. XANDER: Yeah, don't do anything hunterly. RILEY: No, no, I'm just not great at research, which I'm sure you guys figured out. I like me a good crime scene. GILES: Um, give us a call if you need help. RILEY: Believe me, something jumps out at me in the dark ... you'll hear me even without the phone. Call me if you learn anything. WILLOW: You got it. The group starts to move off. WILLOW: (to Giles) I don't wanna be the one who finds the bodies any more. Riley watches them go, crouching next to the body. Then he gets up and takes out his cell phone, dials. RILEY: I need to speak to the man at the desk. This is A ... this is Riley Finn. You have an Agent Miller, Graham Miller, he'll tell you who ... Yes. Emergency frequency. Cut to hospital. Pan across a sign reading "Psychiatric Ward." Cut to a ward containing five beds with patients in them. A nurse is moving from bed to bed. One of the patients is muttering. PATIENT: Cold. Cold. The nurse moves over to him. His arms are in restraints. The nurse pulls the blankets up over him. Then she turns off the light on his nightstand and walks away. PATIENT: Wait! You can't go! (snorts) Don't you be that kind of barn owl! (Nurse continues walking away) Please! Please don't go! Please! He begins to cry as the nurse turns out the overhead light and leaves the room. PATIENT: Please! Please! Please don't- He looks around the darkened room and whimpers in fear. We hear scurrying noises. The patient twists around trying to look under the bed, panting. PATIENT: I can't see you! I can't see you! I can't see you! We see the tail of the alien creature moving behind his bed. Then it climbs up on top of him with a squeal. Cut to the nurse sitting at her desk doing paperwork. She hears the patient scream and looks up, then goes back to her paperwork. Cut to the ward. The creature is on top of the patient with its cloven hands on his chest. It spits clear slime out of its mouth all over his face, making a squealing noise. sh*t of the nurse still doing paperwork, eating chocolate. Cut to Dr. Kriegel in the hospital hall checking some paperwork as Joyce stands behind him, dressed. DR. KRIEGEL: Well, I guess we're all set then. He turns and we see Buffy and Dawn on either side of Joyce. The doctor hands Buffy a piece of paper and three pill bottles. DR. KRIEGEL: You've got my home phone number, pager number, and here, these are the medications I talked to you about. The sedative and so forth, painkillers. BUFFY: Right. No problem. DR. KRIEGEL: Now, if this is gonna be too much for you, we can make your mom perfectly comfortable here. BUFFY: No. No, no, I-I got this. We really, really appreciate- JOYCE: (to Buffy) You look just like your father when he cries. sh*t of the four of them from the alien's perspective. sh*t of the alien on the ceiling a few feet down the hall, watching them. We can hear Joyce talking but the words are inaudible. Cut back to the group. BUFFY: (to doctor) I-I told you she's been- DR. KRIEGEL: I know. Joyce? (Joyce is staring dazedly at Buffy) Joyce. (She looks at him) We're all done here. Why don't you take your girls home now. JOYCE: Yes. Yes, thank you. Thank you for all your help, doctor. DR. KRIEGEL: I'll see you in a couple of days. He walks off. The Summers women turn away, Buffy and Dawn flanking Joyce and linking their arms through hers. JOYCE: Oh, let's get the hell outta here. sh*t of the three of them from the alien's POV as it watches them walk out. Cut to: overhead sh*t of Sunnydale, night. Cut to: inside foyer of the Summers house. The door opens and Buffy enters followed by Joyce and Dawn. BUFFY: Here we go. JOYCE: Oh, it's nice to be home. Buffy closes the door behind them and turns on the lights. Joyce winces and puts her hand to her eyes. DAWN: Do you wanna go in to bed, Mom? JOYCE: Buffy, no, that light is too bright. It's too bright. Buffy rushes to turn the lights off again. Dawn rubs Joyce's shoulders. BUFFY: Oh, okay, okay! JOYCE: It's too bright. Buffy, it hurts. It hurts, it hurts my eyes. BUFFY: It's off, it's off. You know what, (to Dawn) why don't you turn off the lights in the living room, (to Joyce) and I will take you upstairs and we'll shut off all the lights up there. Okay? Come on. Buffy leads Joyce upstairs as Dawn moves into the living room. Exterior sh*t of the house as the downstairs light goes off and then the upstairs ones. The porch light remains on. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on an aerial view of a pond surrounded by trees, with the alien landing trench beside the pond and a person standing next to it. A helicopter flies into the sh*t and moves toward the trench. Cut closer as the helicopter search light illuminates the trench and the person, who we see is Riley. The copter lands and several commandos in black clothing and black berets get out and run toward Riley. The one in the lead speaks. ELLIS: You Finn? RILEY: Yeah. ELLIS: Major Ellis. I'm in charge of this op. (Shakes Riley's hand) What's the situation, just the one civilian casualty? RILEY: That I know of. This way. They all begin to walk. We see that one of the other commandos is Graham. GRAHAM: You found a stiff in the woods and called us in? Don't you usually call your girlfriend for this kind of thing? He grins. Riley gives him a dirty look. They walk up to the body and Ellis kneels beside it. RILEY: I wouldn't touch that stuff in his mouth if I were you. ELLIS: Toxic? RILEY: No, just messy. (Ellis stands) Guy seemed to have simply choked on the stuff. (Tosses Ellis a small vial) Near as I can tell, it's some kind of protein alkaloid. Ellis holds up the vial and looks at the slimy stuff in it. Riley gestures and the others follow him. They walk off toward the trench. ELLIS: Does this fit the profile of any Sub-T you're familiar with? RILEY: Not subterrestrial, Major. Extraterrestrial. (Leads them to the rock at the end of the trench) It came outta that. ELLIS: Miller, set the trackers for a protein signature. GRAHAM: Yes sir. RILEY: No good, Major. This alkaloid's breaking down at an accelerated rate. It's dissolving too fast to track. ELLIS: You got a better idea? RILEY: Thing came from space. Gotta be some trace radiation. ELLIS: We have Geiger counters in the packs. RILEY: Shouldn't be too much background gamma noise out here. ELLIS: Break 'em out. They all walk off. Cut to: exterior of the Summers house, still dark except the porch light. Cut to: Buffy and Dawn on the living room sofa, watching TV. Dawn rests her head on Buffy's shoulder. Canned laughter from the TV. View from the alien's perspective as it moves along the ceiling, through the foyer and toward the living room. It sees the girls, turns, sees Joyce coming down the stairs in her nightgown and robe. She walks into the kitchen. Cut back to Buffy and Dawn watching TV. There's a noise from the kitchen as of dishes clinking together. They both look up. Buffy picks up the remote control and turns off the TV. DAWN: Mom? More crashing noises. Buffy and Dawn get up. Cut to Joyce bending over, looking in the refrigerator. The kitchen is dark. There's a sizzling noise. Buffy and Dawn come in. BUFFY: Oh, my- Dawn goes to Joyce as Buffy rushes to the stove and turns it off, moving a pan off the burner and coughing as whatever's in it gives off smoke. Joyce straightens up, holding the fridge door, and turns to give Buffy an annoyed look. BUFFY: Mom, wha-what are you doing? JOYCE: (angrily) I'm making breakfast. (closes fridge, looks Buffy up and down) And you shouldn't eat any more, you're disgustingly fat. Buffy looks hurt. Joyce looks confused. JOYCE: Oh, Buffy, I don't know what I'm doing. BUFFY: You just need some rest. We'll put you back to bed. She and Dawn take Joyce's arms and lead her out. As they walk past the door leading down to the basement, we see that it's slightly ajar and there's light coming from below. Shadows on the door indicate that something is moving around in the basement. Cut to Joyce's bedroom. Buffy is closing a pill bottle as Joyce swallows some water. BUFFY: Okay, here we go. (Takes glass from Joyce) That will help you sleep. Come on, let's get you all tucked into bed. Buffy and Dawn stand on opposite sites of the bed and pull the covers over Joyce as she lies down. Buffy picks up Joyce's bathrobe and moves away as Dawn leans over to caress Joyce's forehead. Suddenly Joyce gasps and sits up, staring at Dawn. JOYCE: Don't touch me! You - you thing! DAWN: (backing up) Mom, please! JOYCE: Get away from me! (Buffy comes over and Dawn gives her an anxious look) You're nothing, you're, you're a shadow! BUFFY: Mom- JOYCE: I don't know what you are or how you got here! BUFFY: Mom, it's Dawn. Dawn backs away, upset, and runs out of the room. JOYCE: Dawn? Honey, what's wrong? The door slams behind Dawn. Buffy turns to Joyce. BUFFY: She's .. just tired. We all are. (She coaxes Joyce to lie down, which Joyce does, looking worried) Come on, go to sleep. I'll check in on you in a little bit. (Exits) Cut to Buffy entering Dawn's room. Dawn is sitting on the bed. DAWN: (teary) She hates me. BUFFY: (kneeling beside the bed) No. DAWN: She called me a thing. BUFFY: She loves you. Okay? She's not herself. (puts her hand on Dawn's) I told you what the doctor said about the tumor. DAWN: (shakes head) No, not just Mom. People. They keep saying weird stuff about me. BUFFY: Are you talking about the man in the hospital? DAWN: He called me a thing too. And there was another one. Weird guy outside the magic shop. (Buffy looks concerned) He said I didn't belong. He said I wasn't real. (Buffy sighs) Why does everybody keep doing that? What's wrong with me? BUFFY: Nothing. It's not you. I think there's something that happens in people's brains when there's something wrong. It's, it's like a short-circuit ... and it makes them feel like nothing's real except for them. That's all it is. Dawn looks unconvinced. BUFFY: Look, it is not you. (Gets up to sit on the bed next to Dawn) Okay? And if anyone says anything like that to you again, don't listen. Even if it's Mom. Dawn stares at her, then shakes her head. DAWN: (softly) I hate it. BUFFY: I know. (puts her hand on Dawn's shoulder) Just don't listen. Cut to: Xander staring at a small model of the solar system, which is hanging above his head. Behind him we see Giles and Willow sitting at a table covered with books. There are bookshelves everywhere. XANDER: Look at how teeny Mercury is compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast, the cars of the same name- GILES: Xander, please, we have work to do here. XANDER: (walks toward them) I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a k*ller snot monster. (Sits) GILES: Because it's a k*ller snot monster from outer space. (Pauses) I did not say that. Xander gives Giles an amused look. We see Willow is working on a laptop computer. GILES: (in lecture voice) Demons enter our world in all sorts of ways, this one came from above. XANDER: And the university library's astronomy section is the home of aboveness. Got it. Hey, take in the study material, too. (Holds up a book titled "Meteors and You!") Anya and Tara approach. TARA: We've been scouring all the international periodicals for any other meteorite landings in the last week. ANYA: Big zippo. (Sits) GILES: Well, then it would appear that the world is not being inv*de. TARA: I'm pretty pleased about that. WILLOW: Uh, guys? I've got some stuff. (Everyone looks at her.) The most recent meteoric anomaly was the Tunguska blast in Russia in 1917. (Giles gets up to come behind her and look at the screen) Some witnesses claimed the meteor was hollow. XANDER: Hmm. Maybe with a chewy demon center like ours. GILES: How far back does this list of anomalies go? WILLOW: Pretty far. Back to the Queller impact in the twelfth century. TARA: The what? WILLOW: Queller. I-I don't know why they call it that, it didn't h*t a place called Queller or anything. It landed just outside of Reykjavik in Iceland. XANDER: Wait, I just saw... (flipping pages) Queller. Quell ... here, here! "Primitive people used to believe that the moon was a cause of insanity. Sometimes they would pray to the moon to send a special meteor to fix the problem the moon had caused. These meteors were expected to *quell*" (slams the book down on the table) the madmen. TARA: The man in the woods. He was a mental patient. XANDER: And he got pretty well ... quelled. WILLOW: Okay, I'm looking in history right now. It says in the Middle Ages there were these sweeping plagues of madness. People were losing their marbles everywhere. But then it would suddenly subside. And these dates look pretty close. Like-like maybe it happened after each one of the meteor events. GILES: So something emerged from the meteors ... and quelled the madmen. XANDER: Meteor go boom, crazy guy goes bye-bye. TARA: Xander's little book made it sound like this Queller thing had to be summoned. So ... who summoned it? XANDER: Who else? My money's on Glory, our resident beastie summoner. WILLOW: We should call Buffy. E-except we can't call Buffy. (looks up at Giles) Can we? GILES: No, but we better call Riley. Cut to Riley talking on his cellphone. RILEY: Queller demon? WILLOW: (on phone) Yeah, that's our perp. (Cut to Willow on a pay phone in the library) It's sort of a scavenger that can be summoned to k*ll- RILEY: (on phone) Crazy people. WILLOW: Yeah, how'd you know? Cut to Riley in the hospital psychiatric ward. We see another commando in the background. RILEY: 'Cause I've got five corpses here at the mental ward at Sunnydale Memorial. WILLOW: (on phone) You're at the hospital? Oh, listen, Riley, I ... I saw Buffy's mom earlier, and she was acting kinda ... wacky. Insane wacky, if you know what I mean? RILEY: It's okay. Joyce was released earlier today. That intern, um, Ben, told me. They're safe at home. WILLOW: Oh, good. A-and the thing, the Queller, is it still there? RILEY: We - I think I've got it cornered in the air ducts. Ellis comes up and taps Riley on the shoulder, then nods to him. Riley holds up a finger to say "just a moment." RILEY: Look, Willow, keep at what you're doing. Call me if you find out how I can k*ll this thing. WILLOW: Well, okay, but shouldn't we come help- (She hears a dial tone as Riley has hung up) Oooookay. (Hangs up and walks away) Cut to Joyce in bed, talking angrily. JOYCE: I wish that someone had bothered to tell me that there would be tennis being played! Overhead sh*t of Joyce lying on her bed, on her back with her knees bent and her hands on either side of her head. The blankets are shoved to the end of the bed. JOYCE: I just didn't know. Those eyes ... (grimly) Those eyes, they're like gasoline puddles! (quieter) Tell me. Tell me because I need to know why, why are you staring at me like that? Cut to Dawn in her room, lying in bed. Joyce can be heard still talking. Dawn hugs a stuffed animal and listens unwillingly. JOYCE: (OS) What are you asking me? You are asking me, aren't you? Is this a test? And if this counts for the final grade, I need to know now! (Dawn makes faces, not wanting to hear this) Okay, there are teachers, and they put this on the syllabus, but they do not stare down at you, they do not cling, (teary) they do not look down on you... Dawn grabs her pillow and pulls it over her ears, trying to blot out the sound, but she can still hear it. JOYCE: (crying) You know there are people who are nice, and they give you presents, even when you are bad. Cut to kitchen. Cheerful Spanish music is playing on the radio. Buffy turns up the volume and begins washing dishes. She bites her lips as she works, trying not to cry, but after a few dishes she begins to sob. She wipes her nose with the back of her hand, tries to compose herself, then breaks down in tears, putting her hand over her face. Cut back to Joyce's bedroom. She is still lying on her back talking to the ceiling. JOYCE: Does someone know you're here? Because they should have told you that at the gate. You are *not* supposed to be here. I need to rest now. I-I don't like the way you're staring at me! (She pauses for a moment, staring wide-eyed) Did they tell you that at the gate? Side sh*t of Joyce in her bed and the Queller on the ceiling above her. JOYCE: (firmly) Stop staring at me, I don't like it! The Queller squeals. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exterior hospital. Graham comes out the door, holding a Geiger counter. He walks a few steps staring at it, then stops as Ellis, Riley, and other commandos emerge behind him. GRAHAM: Trail stops here, edge of the parking lot. ELLIS: It stops? (Graham nods) RILEY: A car. It hitched a ride. Probably underneath. So much for containment. ELLIS: So some poor mental patient checks out of here today, drives away with this thing, (Riley looks alarmed) took it right to his own home. RILEY: Checked out today. ELLIS: (to another commando) Get me a list of all patients discharged in the last 24 hours. RILEY: No. I know where it's going. We've gotta move, now! They rush off. [Transcriber's Note: As near as I can tell there are three doors to Joyce's bedroom. One leads to the hallway; the one next to that leads to Dawn's room; and the door on the other side of the bed leads to Buffy's room. The bathroom is across the hall from Dawn's room and has two doors, one going to the hall, the other going into Buffy's room. This is relevant for the following scene...] Cut to Joyce still in her bed staring up at the alien. JOYCE: I'm going to close my eyes, and when I open them, you are going to go away. The Queller squeals and drops down on top of Joyce. She screams. Dawn hears the scream and gets up. Joyce struggles against the Queller. JOYCE: Get off me! It spits its slime onto her face. She shakes her head trying to dislodge it. Dawn opens the door and sees the demon on top of Joyce. She gasps. The Queller looks at her as she grabs a coatrack from her room and shakes the clothing off of it. She att*cks the demon with it, shoving it off the other side of the bed. Most of the slime seems to have hardened on Joyce's face. She pulls it away, gasping and panting. Dawn looks around, scared. The Queller arises from behind the bed and launches itself at Dawn, squeaking. She screams and runs back into her room. The Queller chases her, crawling along the floor. Dawn runs through her room and out into the hall, as the Queller enters the hall from Joyce's room. Dawn runs into the bathroom and slams the door. DAWN: Buffy! Cut to Buffy still crying in the kitchen. The radio and the running water from the sink are loud, so she doesn't hear Dawn yelling. She wipes hair back from her face and sniffles. Dawn runs through Buffy's room and into Joyce's room from the other door. Joyce is sitting up on the bed, clawing at her face and gasping. Dawn closes the door, grabs an exercise bike and pushes it in front of the door, runs to the other door (leading to her own room) and slams it shut too. Cut to Buffy in the kitchen. She splashes water on her face, reaches for a towel and dries her face. Cut to Dawn in Joyce's room. She opens the door leading into the hall, and yells as loud as she can. DAWN: BUFFY! Buffy hears the scream and whirls around, dropping the towel. Dawn slams the door shut again. Buffy races out of the kitchen, down the hall and up the stairs. She opens the door to Joyce's room and finds Dawn and Joyce on the bed, still wiping slime off of Joyce's face. BUFFY: What? What is it? DAWN: There's something out there, Buffy. It's after Mom! BUFFY: You guys stay in here. Don't leave this room. As Buffy closes the door, the Queller drops from the ceiling and lands on her face. She grabs it and they struggle, slamming against a wall and then tumbling down the stairs. The Queller squeaks and crawls away. Buffy rubs her neck and looks around in confusion. Cut to Joyce and Dawn on the bed in the dark bedroom, hugging each other tightly. JOYCE: It's okay, my baby. It's okay. Dawn stares at the door over her mom's shoulder, looking scared. Buffy walks slowly through the dark house, looking around for the Queller. She goes into the kitchen, goes over to the Kn*fe rack and takes out the largest Kn*fe. She spins around wearing her tough-Slayer expression and continues looking around, moving back toward the hallway. We hear creaking noises. As Buffy nears the door to the basement, it suddenly pops open. She jumps in alarm and raises the Kn*fe. Spike emerges from the basement and gives her a wary look. Buffy sighs. Spike closes the basement door. BUFFY: Spike? SPIKE: Yeah. Listen, uh, did you hear a noise? BUFFY: What the hell are you doing in my house? SPIKE: Right then, caught me. (takes a deep breath) Your basement's full of junk. And me being in need of, uh, junk... BUFFY: (can't believe it) You were stealing? SPIKE: Well, yeah. Can't exactly work the counter at Burger Barn, can I? He has something in his hand. He tries to slip it into his pocket without being noticed, but Buffy spots it. BUFFY: Wait, are those pictures of me? The Queller att*cks from the left, jumping onto Spike's face and knocking him to the ground. He cries out as he lands on the floor with the Queller on top of him, choking him. They struggle. Buffy grimaces and raises her Kn*fe, looking for an opening. Spike's flailing foot kicks Buffy's hand and the Kn*fe flies away. Buffy winces in pain and makes an exasperated face. The Queller turns and sees Buffy. It squeals and att*cks her as she moves toward it. They slam against a wall and fall down with the Queller on top. Buffy punches it and throws it off her, starts to scramble backward on her butt, into the hallway toward the front foyer. Spike picks up the Kn*fe and whirls around. SPIKE: Buffy! He throws the Kn*fe to her. She catches it just as the Queller knocks her down again and climbs on top of her. She s*ab the Kn*fe into its back. It screams. Buffy s*ab it again and again until it stops screaming and falls still. Buffy gasps and makes a pained face, rolling the Queller off of her, then lying back with a sigh. Spike holds out his hand. Buffy takes it and he pulls her to her feet. Just as she rises, the door bursts open and Riley comes in, followed by the commandos. Spike and Buffy turn and see more commandos coming in the back door. The commandos yell random orders to each other. Riley looks at Spike and Buffy apparently holding hands. Spike gives him a sour look. RILEY: (to Buffy) Are you okay? Buffy frowns at him, then rushes to the stairs. SPIKE: (to Riley) You just missed a real nice time. Riley looks down and sees the Queller lying d*ad with the Kn*fe in its back. Buffy bursts into Joyce's bedroom. BUFFY: It's gone. I k*lled it. JOYCE: (relieved) Oh god. DAWN: It's gone? You promise? BUFFY: I promise. (Both Dawn and Joyce hug her, putting their heads on her shoulders. She puts her arms around them) Everything's all right. Everything's all right. Cut to: exterior hospital, night. Ben comes down some stairs, walks over to a car, unlocks it and gets in, looking around nervously. As he closes the door, a voice speaks up from the back seat. DREG: It's strange. (Ben looks up, startled, and looks at him in the rear-view mirror) A body might ask what exactly it is you think you're doing. He might ask what all this was meant to accomplish. Because to a humble postulant, it looks like chaos. Like unnecessary attention drawn where it ought not to be. BEN: (angrily) Get out! DREG: Sir. Dreg gets out, stands by the driver's-side window. DREG: Sir, forgive me. I just want to understand. Why summon the Queller? BEN: What do you think? Because I'm cleaning up Glory's mess. Just like I've done my whole damn life. He starts the car and drives off as Dreg watches. Cut to hospital. A nurse is putting an IV in Joyce's arm as Buffy sits on the bed by her, holding her other hand. Joyce winces as the needle enters her arm. The nurse finishes and leaves. Buffy sighs. JOYCE: Buffy, uh, (clears throat) I'm gonna ask you something, a-and if I'm, if I'm being crazy you just tell me, okay? BUFFY: (nods) You got it. JOYCE: The other day ... well, actually, I'm, I'm not sure when, the days seem to all bleed together... BUFFY: It's not important. JOYCE: No, I guess it isn't. I do know I was ... pretty out of it, and I had ... not-not a dream ... exactly, more like I had this ... knowledge, i-it just came to me like ...truth, you know? (Buffy frowns) Even though it didn't seem...possible, even though I shouldn't even think such things. BUFFY: What? JOYCE: That Dawn... Buffy looks very startled. JOYCE: She's not ... mine, is she? Buffy stares at her mom, then looks down. She comes to a decision and looks Joyce in the eye. BUFFY: No. Joyce absorbs this for a moment. JOYCE: She's ... she does belong to us, though. BUFFY: Yes, she does. JOYCE: And she's important. To the world. Precious. (Buffy nods) As precious as you are to me. Buffy smiles and nods again. Joyce nods back. JOYCE: Then we have to take care of her. Buffy, promise me. If anything happens, if I don't come through this- BUFFY: Mom- JOYCE: No, listen to me. No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter. I have to know that you'll take care of her, that you'll keep her safe. That you'll love her like I love you. BUFFY: (teary) I promise. JOYCE: Good. Good. They hug. JOYCE: Oh, my sweet brave Buffy. What would I do without you? Buffy hugs her mom tightly, looking as if she'd like to ask the same question. Cut to Joyce on a gurney, being wheeled away. She has one arm up behind her head and she smiles down the hall as she moves backward. sh*t of Buffy and Dawn with arms around each other, watching. Behind them we can see Riley, Xander, Anya, Giles, Tara, and Willow. The camera moves back from them as if we see them from Joyce's perspective. sh*t of Joyce looking very calm as the nurses take her away. sh*t of the others watching. The camera continues to pull back from them and then fades to black. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x09 - Listening to Fear"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser BUFFY: Riley! RILEY: Know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, you let me know. GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Riley letting a female vampire bite him. RILEY VOICEOVER: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. But she doesn't love me. Spike kissing Buffy. SPIKE VOICEOVER: Buffy, I love you. Spike sitting up in bed horrified. SPIKE: Oh God, no. Joyce in the CAT scan machine. DOCTOR VOICEOVER: Your mother has ... a brain tumor. Buffy reacting. Buffy and Joyce hugging in a hospital room. Joyce being wheeled into surgery as Buffy and Dawn watch. Episode begins: Fade in on a pair of shoes. Pan across the body of Dawn, lying across several hospital waiting room chairs. The camera pulls out and we see that Dawn is asleep with her head in Buffy's lap as Buffy strokes her hair. Riley sits next to Buffy, dozing off. Buffy sighs. sh*t of the hospital corridor with various personnel coming and going. Riley wakes up as someone walks over to them. GILES: Just me. Sorry. Can I get you anything? BUFFY: No, thank you. GILES: Riley? RILEY: No, I'm fine. Giles nods, looks fidgety, walks off. We discover Willow and Xander sitting nearby. Behind them we see the nurses' station. WILLOW: What time is it? XANDER: There's a clock behind you, Will. WILLOW: (pouty) I know, but there's a watch right above your hand. Xander shows her his watch. Willow frowns. WILLOW: That can't be right. (Turns to look at the clock above nurses' station) Oh. She sits back and exchanges a look with Xander. Cut back to Buffy and Riley. Buffy leans her head back and sighs loudly. Riley puts his hand on her knee. BUFFY: I can't stand this. What's taking so long? RILEY: It doesn't mean anything. BUFFY: You think? RILEY: I'd worry more if your mom was out of surgery quickly. Might mean that, you know, they couldn't do much. Buffy frowns, looks down at Dawn, looks up. Suddenly she puts her hand over Riley's which is still on her leg. sh*t of the hospital corridor. We see the doctor walking toward us. Dawn wakes up as Buffy slides out from under her. Everyone stands up. The doctor walks closer. Zoom in on Buffy, nervously waiting for the news with Riley and Dawn behind her. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Bailey Chase, Nick Chinlund, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written and directed by Marti Noxon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the hospital scene. DR. KRIEGEL: Okay, your mom's in recovery. BUFFY: What happened, is she all right? DR. KRIEGEL: It was possible to visualize the tumor completely, which means I was able to get all of it. So, barring complications in recovery ... I think your mother's going to be fine. (Everyone reacts with relief) Of course we're still going to have to watch your mother carefully, and, uh, have her back in here for some follow-up testing, (Buffy nods) but, uh, overall I'd consider the procedure a complete success. Smiles all round. Everyone hugs each other. Giles and Xander start to hug, then settle for a handshake instead. BUFFY: (hugging Riley) Oh my goodness, doctor, thank you, thank you so much. DR. KRIEGEL: Please, it's my pleasure. Buffy hugs him and he yells in pain as she forgets her slayer-strength. She gasps and pulls back. BUFFY: Sorry. Sorry! The doctor puts a hand on his back and gives Buffy a funny look. Cut to: exterior sh*t of Xander's apartment building, night. Cut to: interior of Xander's apartment. Xander, Anya and Dawn are eating Chinese food around a low table. DAWN: When I was younger, I used to put my chopsticks in my mouth like this, (She puts chopsticks into her mouth so they stick out like very long fangs) and then Buffy would chase me around the house yelling, (makes claw hands) 'I'm the slayer, I'm going to get you!' (Laughs) ANYA: That's disturbing. You're emotionally scarred and will end up badly. DAWN: (removes chopsticks) No, it was great. I mean, she didn't actually stake me in the heart, you know. XANDER: Buffy's pretty cool like that. (Gets up to clear the dishes) So, what do you wanna do now, Dawnster? Keeping in mind that I won't chase you because I'm old and I'm stuffed full of moo goo gai starch. Dawn starts to reply but Anya interrupts. ANYA: Well, we could play that game again, Life. That was fun. DAWN: (frowns) For you. You always win. ANYA: Well ... we can make a wager this time. You can give me real money. That would be different. XANDER: (sarcastic) And after we teach her to gamble, maybe we can all get drunk! ANYA: (not getting it) I don't think the bar would serve her, but we could bring something in. (to Dawn) Strawberry schnapps taste just like real ice cream. XANDER: Okay, how's about a movie? (Opens the newspaper and walks back to them) They're showing them in theaters now. I hear it's like watching a video with a bunch of strangers and a sticky floor. (He lays out the newspaper where he and Dawn can both look at it) DAWN: (points) That one looks sad. XANDER: The chimp playing hockey? Is that based on the Chekhov? Anya comes running over and grabs the paper eagerly. ANYA: There's a chimp playing hockey? DAWN: Um, no, the other one. I don't wanna see a sad movie. ANYA: We have to see the chimp playing hockey! That's hilarious! The ice is so slippery, and, and monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this. XANDER: You pick, Dawn. This is your night. We are celebrating your mom's good news. Anya looks chastised. ANYA: (softly) Go monkey. Choose monkey. DAWN: It's okay. You guys don't have to make a big deal for me. I'm only sleeping over here so Buffy and Riley can boink. Xander looks embarrassed. XANDER: No, that's not, that's not it at all, they just need time to, uh... (clears throat) be tender. Relax. Anya smiles and rubs Xander's chest. ANYA: (to Dawn) He's not very convincing, is he? Dawn shakes her head in agreement. DAWN: 'Alone time' always translates into 'get Dawn out of the house so we can have loud obnoxious sex.' Xander looks like he wants to object, but doesn't. Anya smiles, then suddenly realizes something. ANYA: (softly to Xander) Oh, does that mean we can't? Xander gives her a look. Cut to candles burning on a mantle. Soft romantic music. Pan over to Buffy and Riley dancing in the darkened Summers home. BUFFY: Can we put this song on repeat? RILEY: Whatever you want. BUFFY: Can we put the whole night on repeat? RILEY: Absolutely. BUFFY: Good. (sighs happily) Mm, I can't believe how relaxed I feel. It's like all the tension's just left my body. RILEY: Oh, really? 'Cause I had that scheduled for a little later on. BUFFY: Scheduled? Are you planning on seducing me, Mr. Finn? RILEY: Always. They kiss. RILEY: I want tonight to be special for you. BUFFY: It's more than special. It's perfect. RILEY: Well, I'm glad. You deserve it after everything you've been through. BUFFY: Well, it's nothing compared to what my mom had to deal with. RILEY: (nods) It was a lot. And you were incredible. BUFFY: (smiles) Not really. Just covering for the weepy chicken within. RILEY: Don't sell yourself short. You stayed strong throughout, Buffy. You never even cried. BUFFY: Oh, I cried. I cried so hard, I didn't think I was gonna be able to stop. Riley looks surprised. She puts her head on his shoulder. RILEY: Oh. BUFFY: That's all in the past now. Mom's out of the woods, and I'm here with you. That's all that matters. She lifts her head up and they kiss again. Fade to bare legs moving together under bed sheets. Pan up to Buffy and Riley in bed, kissing, naked with strategically placed sheets. Riley is on top. Panting noises. Lots of kissing and writhing. Closeup on Buffy's face as she closes her eyes in pleasure. Pan across them to the window. Cut to exterior sh*t of the bedroom window. We see Spike standing on the ground below, smoking a cigarette and looking up at the window. He sighs. Cut to the bedroom. Buffy is asleep. Riley watches her for a moment, then slides out of the bed. We can see a partially healed cut on his upper chest and a small bandage on his arm. Cut to Spike outside, putting out his cigarette and turning to leave. He stops as he hears the house's front door open and sees Riley come out. Riley doesn't see Spike. He closes the door quietly and walks off. Spike follows. Cut to Riley walking through a dark alley. Spike still following. Riley walks up to an old warehouse, up some stairs to a door. Spike watches, frowning. Cut to: exterior hospital, day. Cut to: Joyce's hospital room. Joyce has a hand mirror and is looking at her reflection. There's a large bandage on her head. JOYCE: I don't know, Buffy. I think I'll look like I have a cat on my head. We see Buffy holding a wig. BUFFY: But a very well-groomed cat. JOYCE: I think maybe I'll ... stick with a scarf. BUFFY: Come on, wigs are fun. We can get you a whole bunch of different ones. You know, you can be, like, Sixties Mom, Action Mom... (wiggles her hips, suggestively) French Maid Mom... JOYCE: (smiles) I must be getting better, 'cause you're making fun of me. BUFFY: Well, you know. (sits on the bed) Got a lot of time to make up for. JOYCE: You have more important things to make up. I know you've been missing a lot of school. BUFFY: I may have to take a few incompletes, but I will make it through the semester. JOYCE: Well, what about slaying and your friends? I want you to have your life back. BUFFY: Right now I'd rather be here, styling your beautiful new plastic dream hair. JOYCE: Fair enough, but you don't have to keep me company all night. Go out, have fun, get, get Riley to take you to a movie or something. BUFFY: I gave Riley the day off. JOYCE: I don't think he thinks of you as a chore, Buffy. BUFFY: I know that. Look, I told him to make plans with his friends because I wanted to have you all to myself, okay? Besides, I can see him any time. (Gets up, turns away to put the wig on a stand) And I'm sure he'll come over later looking for a little... (suddenly stops herself, turns around to give Joyce an innocent look) bible study. (Nods) JOYCE: Well, good. I mean, just as long as the two of you are spending some quality time with ... the lord. BUFFY: We are. Absolutely. Cut to: looks like a hotel room. A commando is sitting on a sofa fiddling with some high-tech equipment: he has headphones on his ears. Graham walks over to a table where Major Ellis has some maps spread out. ELLIS: What've we got? GRAHAM: Belize. Last transmission. Infra-red scans say they're- ELLIS: Breeding. They're not gonna stay in that village for long. Looks like we got ourselves a hot spot. Tell the men to get ready. Graham starts to leave, pauses. GRAHAM: What about Riley? (Ellis looks confused) Agent Finn. (Ellis nods) I'm telling you, sir, if we go in for a sweep and drop, he's definitely a guy we want on the team. ELLIS: (nods) Well, let's bring him on board. GRAHAM: It, uh, might take a little convincing. ELLIS: Why? What's he got here in Sunnydale that's so special? Cut to: Buffy in bed, asleep, alone. We hear the door open. Buffy wakes up halfway. BUFFY: (sleepy) Riley? We see Spike standing by the door. SPIKE: It's me. Buffy wakes up fully, sits up holding the sheet to her chest. BUFFY: Every time you show up like this, you risk all of your parts, you know that? SPIKE: I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you, and I - are you naked under there? BUFFY: (rolls her eyes) Get out. SPIKE: No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part, I mean... (cranes his neck trying to see under the blankets) BUFFY: Get out or I will drop you out head-first. Spike lowers his voice, speaks intensely. SPIKE: I wanna show you something. BUFFY: (realizing he is serious) What? SPIKE: You need to see this. Buffy sighs. SPIKE: But we need to move if we wanna get there in time. Buffy raises her eyebrows to indicate that she can't get dressed with Spike watching. He scoffs. SPIKE: Oh, please! Like I give a bloody damn. He turns his back, and then makes an agonized face, forcing himself not to look as Buffy reaches for her clothing. Cut to: Spike leading Buffy through the alley, up the stairs to the warehouse. Buffy looks confused. Spike opens the door for her. They enter the warehouse and see a bunch of people being sucked on by vampires. Random trash, old bathtubs, etc., all around. Buffy stares at it in dismay. SPIKE: Don't stop, Slayer. This isn't what we're here for. We see two large male vampires overseeing things. One of them is putting some money into his vest. Buffy looks around with a frown, looks at Spike. He nods toward some stairs. They approach the stairs and start up them. One of the vamps grabs Spike and spins him around. VAMP 1: What do you think you're doing? SPIKE: Just having a little look, mate. Keep it down. He turns away but the vamp stops him again. VAMP 1: You can't go up there. Spike grabs the vamp by the throat and shoves him to the floor. SPIKE: I said keep it down. Buffy watches all this from halfway up the stairs. Spike turns, adjusting his jacket, and they go up the stairs. The second level is just as messy as the first. Spike leads Buffy through the mess to a slightly open door. She looks suspiciously at him, then goes through the door and discovers Riley, sitting bare-chested on a mattress on the floor, with a female vamp sitting on his lap, drinking from his arm. He doesn't see Buffy yet. RILEY: Harder. The vampire continues sucking. Buffy gasps. Riley looks up and sees her. Closeup on Buffy staring in horror. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the same scene. The vamp continues to feed from Riley. Riley looks at Buffy and gulps. RILEY: Buffy. Buffy stares at him, backs away and runs out. Spike smirks. RILEY: Buffy! SPIKE: We only came here because we care about you, friend. (Riley shoves the vamp aside and gets up) You need help. Spike smirks and walks out. Cut to Buffy hurrying down the stairs. Vamp #2 hands something to Vamp #1 and moves to intercept Buffy. VAMP 2: Hey. Hey, hey. He steps in front of her but she gives him a shove and he flies backward, hitting the wall as Buffy exits. Spike comes down the stairs a few steps behind. Vamp 2 growls as Spike passes him. Cut to Buffy exiting the warehouse, pausing at the bottom of the stairs, looking shell-shocked. Spike bursts out, passes her and turns back. SPIKE: I thought you should know- Buffy lifts her head and gives him a fierce look. Spike looks startled. She runs past him and away, down the alley. Spike looks disappointed. Cut to inside the warehouse. Riley comes rushing down the stairs, buttoning his shirt. Vamp #2 intercepts him, grabbing his shirt. VAMP 2: Was that the slayer? What the hell do you think you're doing bringing the slayer here? RILEY: Back off, man. I didn't know. VAMP 2: Nobody's gonna risk coming here now! RILEY: I said back off! Vamp 2 punches Riley in the stomach. Riley punches him in the face and he goes down. Riley runs out as Vamp 1 helps Vamp 2 up. Cut to: exterior of the Summers house, night. Cut to: interior of Buffy's room. She enters, closes the door and leans against it, frowning, still looking shocked. Fade to Riley entering his own apartment, which is dark. He closes the door and sighs, moves inside and turns on a lamp. Behind him we see Graham and Major Ellis, and another commando. Riley doesn't turn around. RILEY: Get out. ELLIS: I need to talk to you. RILEY: (turns to face them) I'm not in a talkin' mood. ELLIS: Then listen. (Walks toward him. Graham follows) GRAHAM: Riley, just give the man a chance. You don't like what you hear, we'll be on our way. RILEY: Talk fast. ELLIS: We have a Code One in Belize. A demon tribe is taking apart missionaries in the rain forest down there. RILEY: And you're telling me this because? ELLIS: We're going down to terminate their operation. We want you to join us. Riley looks from one to the other, then away. RILEY: (quietly) I'm a civilian. ELLIS: You're a soldier. RILEY: I quit the government a long way back. ELLIS: We're not government. We're army. GRAHAM: Just like you. ELLIS: (moves closer to Riley) It's not the Initiative, Finn. We don't do experiments. None of us give a damn what makes monsters tick. We just stop 'em. RILEY: What do you need me for? ELLIS: I think you can handle yourself. And I always need bodies. I'm not gonna lie to you. It's the real deal. High risk, low pay, and seriously messy. We ship out for Central America tomorrow midnight. Now maybe civilian life is working out for you... (Riley looks down) and maybe not. Midnight. Tomorrow. The decision's yours. The commandos leave, as Riley ponders the offer. Cut to: magic shop, day. Giles is hanging up a large banner that reads: Don't Forget! Winter Solstice Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa & [something obscured by Giles's arm] Are Coming! We see Xander, Anya, and Willow behind the counter unpacking merchandise. GILES: And so it begins. He steps down from his footstool and we see that the last holiday listed is "Gurnenthar's Ascendance." GILES: No longer a victim of crass holiday commercialization, I'm ... a purveyor of it. Anya takes a jar out of a box. Willow moves out from behind the counter. ANYA: Oh. Who ordered more chickens' feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all. XANDER: That's generally what happens when you cut them off the chicken. ANYA: I'm serious. (Opens jar) Maybe we could do a ... holiday promotion. (Takes out a chicken foot) One free with every purchase! (smiles) GILES: Oh, yeah. (nostalgically) Dear holiday memories. Merry tykes by the f*re, enjoying their new Christmas ... chicken feet. Willow comes up beside Giles, on the opposite side of the counter from Anya. WILLOW: Aw, holding them tight as they fall asleep. Painting their little toenails. Willow and Giles laugh. Xander grins. Anya grins too, though she is not amused. ANYA: That's so very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon! I can just hear you in private. (talks to the chicken foot) 'I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal.' WILLOW: (frowns) Anya, I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks that way. ANYA: There's nothing wrong with my idea anyway. I've been very good for this store. (frowns) If it wasn't for me, Giles would be a terrified old man staring at a quarterly tax statement and wetting himself. GILES: (insulted) I say, that's an exaggeration. WILLOW: Anya, you've helped out a lot, but I have too. ANYA: (opening another jar) Yes, I forgot about all the vigorous sitting around. XANDER: Anya, you can back off a little. You get paid. Willow's doing this on her own time. Willow smiles and nods triumphantly. ANYA: (with a fake smile) I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine. XANDER: (annoyed) Anya, play nice. ANYA: You know, fine, take her side instead of mine (Xander sighs, puts his hands over his face) even though I'm the one who sleeps with you and feeds you, bathes you... Willow frowns. WILLOW: (to Xander) She bathes you? XANDER: Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way, not in a sponge-bath-y geriatric sort of... GILES: (puts up a hand) Please! Stop, I beg of you. They all look up as the door opens (it has bells that jingle when it moves) and Buffy enters. She has a bag over her shoulder. She strides purposefully over to the counter. BUFFY: I need to find out everything I can about a vamp nest downtown. GILES: A nest? What sort of- BUFFY: There were people there. It, um, it looked like they were paying vampires to bite them. Giles looks shocked. XANDER: *Now* I know what to get for the person who has everything! WILLOW: Who would pay to get bitten? ANYA: Oh, that's been going on for centuries. Humans hire vampires to feed off them, they, well, you know, they-they get off on the rush. GILES: And the ... hazards of the underworld can become addictive to ... some people. XANDER: Why don't the vampires just k*ll 'em? ANYA: Because they get cash, hot and cold running blood, and ... they don't leave any corpses behind so they don't get hunted. GILES: But still, i-it can be terribly dangerous for humans. I mean, people can end up dying accidentally, or, or meeting a, a vampire who only pretends to play by the house rules. BUFFY: (angrily) You knew about this and you didn't tell me? GILES: I hadn't seen it since my Ripper days. I had no idea it was going on in Sunnydale. BUFFY: Well, it is. (Giles frowns) And I'm gonna stop it. She turns toward a large trunk and opens it, revealing a stash of w*apon. GILES: Buffy, even if I had known about this, I might not have told you right now. Buffy whirls around. BUFFY: What? Why? GILES: Well, I'm not sure this is where your efforts are best spent. Perhaps you should focus on ... a less ambiguous evil. Glory, for instance? BUFFY: You said people are dying. GILES: They're willing victims. I mean, there are people out there who deserve your help who aren't. BUFFY: Vampires are vampires. And my job description is pretty clear. (They all look uneasy) Are you coming with me or not? XANDER: What's the rush, Buff? If we're going into a nest, maybe we should come up with a strategy. Wait for Riley. Buffy scowls in extreme displeasure. BUFFY: Back me up or not. I'm going. She stalks out. Giles looks conflicted, but he and Xander begin to collect their things. GILES: Anya, will you mind the store? Anya nods. The others gather up jackets and stakes, and leave. Anya watches them go with a smile. ANYA: Have a nice day! Don't get k*lled. The bell jingles as they exit. Cut to: inside the warehouse. Buffy and Giles are coming down the interior stairs. BUFFY: I don't understand. This place was doing serious business last night. We see that the place is deserted. Willow and Xander are on the main floor. A small grill sits on a table, with a f*re burning in it. XANDER: Well, I guess everybody jumped ship once the word got out that the slayer found their crib. (pauses) I just want to apologize for the use of the word 'crib.' BUFFY: (to Giles) Do you think they'll set up shop again in town? GILES: It's hard to say. I'm sure they'll lie low for a bit. BUFFY: But they're around somewhere. There's gotta be a way to find these creeps. WILLOW: Don't worry, Buff, you'll find them. XANDER: Yeah, I'm sure you'll get them next time, champ. Buffy does her angry expression again. She grabs the grill and throws it against a wall. The f*re begins to spread. Buffy stalks out as the others stare at her. Willow follows in her footsteps. Xander and Giles follow more slowly, looking concerned. Cut to: Spike sitting in his armchair in his crypt, holding a bottle of alcohol. He pulls out the cork, sighs, and lifts the bottle to take a swig. The door bursts open and Riley enters. SPIKE: What took you? (Puts the cork back in and sets the bottle aside) Guess it takes a while to get back to full strength after those bites. Riley grabs Spike by the shirt and pulls him up out of the chair. SPIKE: Hey! Hey, let's be reasonable about this. Riley slams him up against a pillar. RILEY: You may have noticed, Spike, (punches Spike in the face) I left reasonable about three exits back. SPIKE: Look, I'm not the one who got you into this. Don't k*ll the messenger. Riley scowls. He pulls back his arm and we see there's a stake in his hand. He plunges it into Spike's chest. Spike gasps. RILEY: Why the hell not? Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on Riley holding the stake in Spike's chest. SPIKE: (yelling) Ow! Bloody hell! Oh god! (quieter) Hey. He looks down at his chest as he realizes he hasn't been dusted yet. Riley yanks the stake out. Spike grabs his chest in pain, and stares at the stake. RILEY: Plastic wood-grain. Looks real, doesn't it? (Grabs Spike's shirt again) Don't think I don't know what's goin' on with you, Spike. (They glare at each other) Stay away from her. Or we'll do this for real next time. He pats Spike on the cheek and walks away. Spike leans against the pillar panting. He's still clutching his chest, but he begins to chuckle, and Riley turns back. SPIKE: (chuckling) Oh, man. You are really under it, aren't you? RILEY: (angrily) What? SPIKE: Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey. RILEY: (walks back toward Spike) Because you are. SPIKE: Well ... yeah. But that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture, you're never gonna be able to hold onto her. Riley puts his hand over Spike's hand that is covering the wound. He pushes his hand deeper into it. SPIKE: Ow, bloody hell! RILEY: Maybe I didn't almost k*ll you enough. SPIKE: (in pain) Come on. You're not the long haul guy and you know it. RILEY: Shut up. SPIKE: You know it. Or else you wouldn't be getting suck jobs from two-bit vampire trulls. Riley looks annoyed, lets go of Spike. Spike continues panting. SPIKE: The girl needs some monster in her man ... and that's not in your nature... (He pushes away from the pillar, still holding his chest, and goes to sit in his chair) ...no matter how low you try to go. Spike sits back with an expression of pain. Riley paces around restlessly. Spike reaches for his bottle and begins to remove the cork again. RILEY: You actually think you've got a sh*t with her? SPIKE: No, I don't. (removes cork) Fella's gotta try, though. Gotta do what he can. (Drinks) RILEY: If you touched her... you know I'd k*ll you for real. SPIKE: I had this chip outta my head, I'da k*lled you long ago. (Replaces cork) Ain't love grand? Spike tosses the bottle to Riley, who catches it and removes the cork again. He sits on a nearby coffin and takes a sip. SPIKE: (quietly) Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. (They exchange a look) And sometimes I think I got the better deal. (sighs) To be that close to her and not have her. To be all alone even when you're holding her. Feeling her, feeling her beneath you. Surrounding you. The scent ... (louder) No, you got the better deal. Riley looks over at Spike, takes another drink. RILEY: (bitterly) I'm the lucky guy. (shakes his head) Yeah. Long sh*t of the two of them sitting together. Riley tosses the bottle back to Spike. RILEY: I'm the guy. Spike takes another swig. They sit there together. Cut to Buffy in her workout room, beating on a punching bag. She grunts angrily and scowls as she punches over and over. Cut to the main room of the magic shop. Anya is going over paperwork behind the counter. Xander stands on the other side of the counter looking toward the back room. XANDER: How long has she been in there? ANYA: A while now. Seems pretty g*n-ho about it too. Didn't even stop to say hello. XANDER: Yeah, when we went to deal with that vampire nest, she got all Rambo and torched the place. (Anya looks up) Something seriously bad is going on with her. ANYA: Oh, I don't know, maybe you're overreacting. I mean, who hasn't done stuff like that from time to time? I mean, I made this one guy spontaneously combust, (the door bell jingles) and he set his whole village on f*re. We see Riley entering. XANDER: Can you stop being scary for a minute and listen to what I'm trying to tell you? Riley approaches and Xander turns to face him. Riley nods toward the back. RILEY: She in there? XANDER: She's training. RILEY: (nods) Would you guys mind clearing out? I need a minute alone with her. Xander nods, goes to get his jacket. ANYA: (to Riley) A little after-hours hanky-panky in the training room, huh? (She comes out from behind the counter as Riley walks toward the back) Boy, Xander and I could tell you some stories... XANDER: Not now. Let's go, Anya. (He and Anya begin walking out) ANYA: (calling over her shoulder) There's a funny thing with the vaulting horse that you can tr... XANDER: Anya! ANYA: What? He started it. XANDER: In your world, maybe, but where the people are, this isn't the time for 'Tales of Anya and Xander's Sexcapades.' ANYA: Oh. (Stops walking and turns to him) Uh, well, maybe we can go home and, you know, have 'em. XANDER: Actually, I've got some stuff to take care of. He walks past her and opens the door to leave. Anya follows him. Cut to Buffy still punching. Riley walks in behind her. RILEY: We need to talk. BUFFY: (continues punching) I'm not ready to talk to you yet. Riley walks forward, removing his jacket and tossing it aside. RILEY: Too bad. He takes hold of the punching bag. Buffy stops punching. BUFFY: I'm serious. (turns away) Unless you wanna fight. RILEY: So let's fight. We need to have this out, Buffy. Right now. Buffy turns back, annoyed. BUFFY: And say what, Riley? 'What were you thinking? How long have you been lying to me?' Nothing you say right now is gonna make this better. She turns away again. Riley moves forward. RILEY: I realize that. (Grabs her arm and turns her around) I don't expect... (angrily) I just need you to hear me out. BUFFY: (quietly) Fine. Get your hand off of me. He lets go of her arm, sighs, walks a few steps away. RILEY: I think, when this thing started, it was just some stupid, immature game. I wanted to even the score after you let Dracula bite you. BUFFY: I did not *let* Dracula- RILEY: I know. On some level I know that. But I was still spun. (pause) I don't know, I - I wanted to know what you felt. I wanted to know why Dracula and Angel have so much power over you. BUFFY: (shakes her head) You so don't get it. RILEY: I wanted to get it, Buffy. I wanted to get you. BUFFY: So this is my fault? Hey, gee, Buffy's so mysterious, I think I'll go out and almost die. I think I'll go and let some other w... (She stops and looks down.) RILEY: This isn't your fault. It's mine. I feel like hell for what I've put you through. (Buffy still doesn't look at him) It's just... (sighs) these girls- BUFFY: Vampires. K*llers. RILEY: They made me feel something, Buffy. Something I didn't even know I was missing until- BUFFY: I can't. I can't hear this. She turns away again and Riley grabs her arm again. RILEY: You *need* to hear this. Buffy pulls her arm away, walks a few steps away. BUFFY: Fine. Fine! Tell me about your whores! Tell me what on earth they were giving you that I can't. RILEY: They needed me. BUFFY: They needed your money. It wasn't about you. RILEY: (walks closer to her) No. On some basic level it *was* about me. My blood, my body. (sighs) When they bit me ... it was beyond passion. They wanted to devour me, all of me. BUFFY: (teary) Why are you telling me this? RILEY: It wasn't real. I know, it was just physical. But the fact that I craved it ... that, that I kept going back ... even if it was fleeting, they made me feel like they had such... hunger for me. BUFFY: And I don't ... make you feel that way? (Riley looks away) How on earth can you compare me to that? How can you tell me you understand what those vampires are feeling? You aren't a passion to them, you are a snack! A willing, idiotic snack. RILEY: (angrily) No, I know exactly what they feel when they bite me, because I feel it every time we're together. It's like the whole world falls away. And all there is is you. BUFFY: And you think that I don't feel the same way about you? How dare you tell me what I feel? RILEY: You keep me at a distance, Buffy. You didn't even call me when your mom went into the hospital. BUFFY: (incredulously) Oh, I'm sorry. You know, um, I'm sorry that I couldn't take care of you when I thought that my mother was dying. RILEY: It's about me taking care of you! It's about letting me in. So you don't have to be on top of everything all the time. BUFFY: But I do. That's part of what being a slayer is. (shakes her head) And that's what this is really about, isn't it? You can't handle the fact that I'm stronger than you. RILEY: It's hard sometimes, yeah. But that's not it. BUFFY: Then what? What else do you want from me, Riley? I've given you everything that I have, I've given you my heart, my body and soul! RILEY: You say that, but I don't feel it. I just don't feel it. BUFFY: Well, whose fault its that? Because I'm telling you, this is it, this is me. This is the package. And if it's so deficient that you need to get your kicks elsewhere ... then we really have a problem. They both stare at each other silently for a moment. Then Buffy looks down. Riley sighs. RILEY: They want me back, Buffy ... the military. (Buffy looks up in shock) It's deep undercover, no contact with civilians. Transport's leaving tonight. BUFFY: Tonight? When were you gonna tell me about this? RILEY: I'm telling you now. BUFFY: Are you going? RILEY: I don't know. If we can't work this out... BUFFY: Then what? This is goodbye? (Riley shrugs. Buffy gets mad.) You are unbelievable. You're giving me an ultimatum? RILEY: No, I'm not. BUFFY: Yes you are! You expect me to get over it now or you're gone! RILEY: I don't, Buffy, that's not what I meant. BUFFY: Well, I have heard enough. (angrily) I will not take the blame for this. (Starts to walk away.) RILEY: I'm not asking you to. (Grabs her arm yet again) BUFFY: Let go of me! (pulls her arm away) RILEY: Or what? You'll h*t me? (She stares at him. He spreads his arms out.) Go ahead. Come on, do it. BUFFY: Get out of my way. RILEY: I'm serious, Buffy, h*t me. h*t me. He walks right up to her. She walks around him and takes her jacket off a hook. RILEY: I'm leaving, Buffy. She stops walking but doesn't turn to face him. He turns to speak to her back. RILEY: Unless you give me a reason to stay ... I'm leaving tonight. Buffy opens the door and walks out, closing it behind her. Riley looks upset. Cut to Buffy walking through dark alleys. Suddenly Vamp #2 and another vamp appear behind her. Buffy slows, then stops and turns to face them. VAMP2: The pyro act was a bad idea, slayer. BUFFY: Felt pretty good to me. VAMP2: I'm not running. And you're not shutting me down. More vampires appear, surrounding Buffy. Overhead sh*t of her looking around as they form a loose circle around her. There are about ten of them in total. VAMP2: In fact ... you're not gonna make it through the night. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on Buffy surrounded by vamps. She looks at them, and speaks to Vamp 2. BUFFY: Walk away. (Vamp 2 moves closer) I'm serious. Don't do this. Not now. Vamp 2 lunges at her and she shoves him. He flies backward into some large tubes. The other vamps att*ck. Buffy backhands Vamp 3, kicks Vamp 4 in the face, spins around to punch Vamp 5. Then Vamp 4 att*cks her with a long staff. She punches him in the face, takes the staff and uses it to stake Vamp 6 behind her. She hits Vamp 4 in the face with the staff, dusts Vamp 7, punches Vamp 8, and quickly dusts three more vamps with three quick jabs of the staff. She pauses and faces down Vamp 2. He runs at her, and as he flies over her head she stakes him. She turns and puts the staff to the throat of the last vamp, a woman, who stands still looking scared. Brief sh*t of Riley being bitten from earlier in the episode, as Buffy realizes the vamp she now faces is the one who was drinking from Riley. Buffy slowly lowers the staff. The vampire looks surprised, then turns and begins to run away down the alley. Buffy stands there looking thoughtful. After a moment she lifts the staff and throws it like a javelin. It flies down the alley and dusts the female vamp as she's running. Buffy stands there staring down the alley. Someone comes up behind her. XANDER: So, how'd that work out for ya? Buffy turns to see Xander emerging from the shadows. XANDER: Make you feel better? BUFFY: What are you doing here? XANDER: I thought you might need to talk. Then I saw the skirmish happen. I was gonna lend a hand, but I noticed you grew a few extra ones. BUFFY: (angrily) Go home, Xander. She turns and starts to stride away. XANDER: Buffy. BUFFY: (turns back) I'm serious! XANDER: So am I. Something's up. You're acting like a crazy person. Buffy turns and begins walking away again. Xander follows. Buffy pushes aside a large metal door and enters a random building. Xander enters after her. Cut to interior of another warehouse. Boxes and metal cans are stacked neatly on metal shelving. Buffy walks over to a set of shelves backed by a metal grating and leans her face against it. Xander walks in behind her. XANDER: Take this, for instance. You don't wanna deal, so you hide? It's not very slayer-like. BUFFY: Just leave me alone, Xander. You have no idea what's going on. XANDER: No? Good, so you and Riley *aren't* imploding? (Buffy turns to face him in surprise) It doesn't take a genius. What I can't figure out is how you never saw it coming. BUFFY: What? Who told you? XANDER: Nobody told me anything, Buffy. It was right in front of my Xander face. The guy would do anything for you. BUFFY: The guy got himself bit by a vampire! (Xander is surprised) He lied to me. He ran around behind my back and almost got himself k*lled! And now he tells me that he's leaving with some covert military operation at midnight unless *I* convince him not to. Now tell me that you understand. Because I sure as hell don't. XANDER: You gonna let him go? BUFFY: (sighs) It's not my decision to make. XANDER: Of course it is. BUFFY: Well, it's not fair. XANDER: Who cares if it's fair? In about twenty minutes, Riley's gonna disappear, maybe forever, unless you do something to stop him. BUFFY: What am I supposed to do? Beg him to stay? XANDER: (in disbelief) Why wouldn't you? To keep Riley here- BUFFY: I don't even know who he is any more. I mean, I thought he was ... dependable. XANDER: Dependable? What is he, State Farm? BUFFY: You know what I mean. XANDER: Yeah. I think you mean convenient. I think you took it for granted that he was gonna show up when you wanted him to, and take off when you didn't. BUFFY: Look who's talking. Look who has Anya following him around like a lovesick puppy. XANDER: Oh boy, is this *not* about me. BUFFY: Is she more than a convenience? 'Cause that would kinda be a surprise. XANDER: (angrily) If you don't wanna hear what I have to say, I'll shut up right now. BUFFY: Good, 'cause I don't. She starts to walk off. Xander intercepts her. XANDER: I lied. See, what I think, you got b*rned with Angel, then Riley shows up. BUFFY: I know the story, Xander. XANDER: But you miss the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Riley like the rebound guy. When he's the one that comes along once in a lifetime. (Buffy looks dismayed) He's never held back with you. He's risked everything. And you're about to let him fly because you don't like ultimatums? Buffy's eyes begin to water as Xander's words finally get through. XANDER: If he's not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn't there, (shakes head) let him go. Break his heart, and make it a clean break. But if you really think you can love this guy ... I'm talking scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need ... if you're ready for that ... then think about what you're about to lose. Buffy looks up at him, then looks around anxiously. There are tears in her eyes. BUFFY: Xander... XANDER: Run. She turns and runs out. Xander watches as the door slams behind her. Cut to: Buffy running as hard as she can, down the main street of Sunnydale, her expression still anxious. sh*t of Riley standing next to a helicopter, looking around. Buffy runs along in the street, turns a corner and enters a more residential neighborhood. Riley continues to look around, checks his watch. Behind him the helicopter blades begin to turn slowly. Buffy runs down quiet streets. Riley looks at the ground, looking very disappointed. The helicopter blades move faster and faster. Buffy runs through a foresty area and down some wooden stairs. Riley stares at the two trees between which he wants Buffy to appear. She doesn't. He turns and gets into the helicopter next to Graham. Buffy runs through the forest and comes out on the helipad. The helicopter is already off the ground and rising fast. BUFFY: Riley! Riley! sh*t of Riley inside the helicopter, staring grimly out the front window. Behind him we can see out the helicopter door and we see Buffy on the ground yelling up at him. BUFFY: Riley! Riley! He doesn't hear her and continues to stare out the front. Buffy watches as the helicopter rises and flies away. Cut to: Buffy walking slowly down the residential streets. XANDER VOICEOVER: I've gotta say something... Cut to: Anya's apartment. Anya is in her nightgown, sitting on the bed. XANDER: 'Cause ... I don't think I've made it clear. Anya stands up. Xander walks toward her. XANDER: I'm in love with you. He walks closer toward her, and she toward him. XANDER: Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do ... the way you think ... the way you move ... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. They are up close now, looking at each other. Anya smiles slightly, looking a little teary. XANDER: You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man. (Pause. He shrugs uneasily) I just thought you might wanna know. Anya moves up to him and they kiss. Cut to Buffy entering the dark Summers house. She walks partway up the stairs and then sits down, looking sad. Her image fades into the image of Riley sitting in the helicopter with the dark town of Sunnydale laid out below him. Blackout. In Memory of D.C. Gustafson. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x10 - Into the Woods"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy talking to the dying monk. MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human and sent it to you. BUFFY: Dawn. DOCTOR: OK, your mom's in recovery. BUFFY: Is she all right? DOCTOR: I think your mother's gonna be fine. Buffy and the others reacting happily. SPIKE: I wanna show you something. RILEY: Harder. Riley being bitten. Buffy walking in, looking shocked. RILEY: Buffy. Buffy yelling at Riley. BUFFY: I've given you everything that I have, my heart, my body and soul! RILEY: I just don't feel it. They want me back, Buffy. The military. Buffy reacting. RILEY: I'm leaving tonight. Buffy walking out on Riley. Riley in the helicopter flying away. Buffy on the ground below, yelling up at him. BUFFY: Riley! Episode begins: Exterior sh*t of Xander's apartment building, night. Cut to Xander lying in bed staring at the ceiling. XANDER: You ever have that feeling where there's something you know you're supposed to do and you forgot what it was? We see Anya lying next to him. She thinks about it. ANYA: Nope. XANDER: I've been having that feeling, I just realized what it was. (looks at Anya) Like three weeks ago Riley asked me to borrow a crescent wrench. (shakes his head) I keep having this feeling like I'm supposed to give it to him. ANYA: Well, that's not going to happen unless he comes back. You know, not to get the crescent wrench. Just to come back. XANDER: I just mean, sometimes I sort of forget that he's gone. It's like, "where's Riley? Oh wait, the central republic of Where-in-the-hell." ANYA: (softly) Xander? He looks at her. We see they're holding hands. ANYA: If you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights, and-and-and one of those clocks that counts down like a b*mb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of, of colored wires, and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one, and then at the last second "No! The red one!" and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left, but then you don't leave. (pause) Like that, okay? XANDER: Check. Big b*mb clock. (She smiles) Come here. He puts his arm around her and she moves to put her head on his chest. ANYA: Maybe it's her. XANDER: Huh? ANYA: Well, maybe it won't happen to us because it's all about *her* messing things up. She couldn't make it work with Angel, and then she let Riley go away. XANDER: Yeah, relationship debris is kind of piling up on the Buffy highway. ANYA: Hmm. Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl, she calls me, I exact vengeance, blah blah blah, the next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of 'em you start going "my goodness, young lady ... maybe you're doing something wrong here too." XANDER: I don't think it's a pattern with her. No, it's just ... you know, now that it happened again ... man number two ... I wonder how she's dealing with it. Cut to: a courtyard filled with nuns. The camera follows one of them whom we only see from the back. She has a blonde curl of hair sticking out from under her habit. Suddenly a vampire appears behind her, backing away from something. He bumps into the nun, turns around and grabs her, holds her in front of him. The nun screams. The vampire pushes her aside as Buffy runs up and kicks him in the face. He falls backward, flips upright again. Buffy kicks him again. They continue fighting as the nun watches in amazement. Buffy hits the vampire, he kicks Buffy twice, then she hits him a few times, kicks him a few times, and thrusts with her stake, but he grabs her arm and pushes her away. Buffy ducks as he leaps at her, then she straightens up and stakes him. Buffy tosses the stake aside and goes to the nun, who is still on the ground. NUN: What, what, what was that, he looked like a, a demon! BUFFY: Yeah, he did. Are you okay? NUN: Yeah, I think so. BUFFY: Here. Buffy helps the nun get up. BUFFY: So, um, a-about being a nun... (They begin to walk along together) you know, um, with the whole ... abjuring the company of men ... you know, how's that working for you? The... abjuring. NUN: (confused) Um ... good. BUFFY: Yeah, do you, do you have to be like super-religious? NUN: Well, uh... BUFFY: How's the food? Wolf howl. Opening credits. Marc Blucas (Riley) is no longer shown as part of the regular cast. Guest starring Abraham Benrubi, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by Christopher Hibler. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on Buffy and Giles in the exercise room. Giles has padded mitts on his hands and Buffy is training, hitting Giles in sequence. GILES: All right. Switch. Left lead. Buffy continues hitting. BUFFY: So you really think they might be able to help us? GILES: Uh, if you mean are they gonna help us find out something about Glory ... I saw that coming. You're dropping your shoulder. (Buffy looks surprised, continues hitting) Uh, the resources that the ... Watchers Council has at their disposal, (wistfully) I mean the Central Library alone is just... Buffy stops hitting. BUFFY: (sternly) Don't talk about the books again. You get all ... and sometimes there's drool. She resumes hitting. GILES: I'm sorry, but we, we've really exhausted the materials I have here, and we're coming up empty. (More hitting) You're, you're still dropping your shoulder. I can see when you're gonna go with your right. (More hitting) You're doing it again! Buffy hits him sharply in the upper arm and he stumbles aside. GILES: Ow! BUFFY: Sorry! Sorry. So, Glory's all you're gonna talk to them about, right? GILES: (nods, rubs his shoulder) Let's, let's take a break. (Turns away) BUFFY: Answer me. GILES: (moving away, gestures with the mitts still on his hands) I, I'm not gonna mention Dawn's name. I wouldn't do that, I promise. BUFFY: But you're gonna tell them about the key? That Glory's looking for something called the key? GILES: (removes mitts) Well, knowing her goal is, is crucial. I mean, i-i-if anything helps them uncover her origins, her, her plans... BUFFY: I know. It's just I trust these Watchers about as far as ... you could throw them. GILES: (pouring himself a glass of water) Thank you very much. BUFFY: (sighs) I'm just freaked about the idea of giving them any information that could possibly lead them to Dawn. (She comes over and sits on a bench. Giles sits next to her) GILES: Truly, Buffy, if I saw an alternative ... if, if the Initiative were still around, I'd consider using them, but... they're gone, and then Riley was, was, uh, the last link we had to the government. Giles wipes his face with a towel. Buffy looks down sadly. GILES: Sorry, I didn't mean to... BUFFY: It's okay. You can say his name. (pensively) I'm doing all right. These things happen. People break up and they move on ... for a while it feels like the end of the world, you know, but ... big picture... GILES: Not so huge. Buffy looks at him in disbelief. BUFFY: Not so huge? I just said it feels like the end of the world, don't you listen? Giles looks dismayed. Buffy leans in closer toward him. BUFFY: (whispers) I'm teasing. GILES: (relieved smile) Oh. BUFFY: Sort of. I'll be okay. GILES: Well, I do hate to go if you're feeling badly. BUFFY: look, if it help you find out something about Glory, (pats him on the back) I'm thrilled to have you gone. She hops off the bench and walks away. Cut to: magic shop, day. Anya, Xander, Willow, Tara, and Buffy sit around the round table looking at books and papers. Xander has Willow on his right and Anya on his left. Giles stands next to the table fastening his tie. ANYA: You're going away for a *week*? That's great! GILES: Yes, yes, everybody seems delighted about it. (picks something up to read) ANYA: Well, I get to run the store, right? Giles looks alarmed. GILES: You? Ah, w-well, it's quite a lot for one person to take care of. Well, I-I mean, the trash men, for example, I mean, they, they, they've been making such a mess in the back alley, the recycling people can't get in there to collect. Well, somebody has to talk to them. ANYA: I can take care of that. TARA: I'm envious, Mr. Giles. A trip to England sounds so exciting and exotic. (realizes) Un...less you're English. (Giles grins) BUFFY: Look, don't worry about the shop. We'll take care of it. We can open and close, and, and we'll deal with everyone. Anya frowns. WILLOW: We can come by between classes! Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens ... but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane. TARA: I said "quirky." ANYA: (annoyed) Hello, I work here! I'll take care of everything. XANDER: (not looking up from his reading) Yeah, Anya can do it! ANYA: Thanks, sweetie. (pats him on shoulder) Well said. GILES: Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um ... dealing with people requires a certain, uh ... finesse. ANYA: (angry) I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and, and bribe him with money and goods. XANDER: See there? She'll be great. WILLOW: Don't worry, Giles. I'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape. (smiles) ANYA: Xander, she's talking to Giles like I'm not here. Make her stop. GILES: Perhaps I'd better call the airline... WILLOW: I'm just trying to help out! Xander, tell her. (smacks Xander in the arm) GILES: ...schedule an earlier flight back, excuse me. ANYA: Tell her that I don't need her help. Xander sits between Anya and Willow looking uncomfortable. XANDER: (to Buffy) So, how goes the slaying? BUFFY: I k*lled something in a convent last night. XANDER: In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. (Anya and Willow both look at him) Tell us all about the k*lling, Buff. BUFFY: Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Ooh! But I met a nun, and she let me try on her wimple. XANDER: Okay, now we're back to frightening. Cut to: exterior of the Summers house, night. Cut to: Joyce's bedroom. A light-blue bathrobe lies on the bed. Buffy enters, sees it, frowns, looks up. BUFFY: You! We see Joyce wearing a striped sweater and dark pants. She has a scarf over part of her head. BUFFY: You with the actual clothing, who are you? (turns toward Dawn's bedroom door) Dawn, come look at this. JOYCE: It's hard to recognize me, huh? Dawn enters. DAWN: Whoa. BUFFY: No more bathrobe. JOYCE: Hmm. I looked at it today, and there it was, all fuzzy and blue, (sh*t of the bathrobe) and I just couldn't stand it any more. BUFFY: I don't think the rest of us will miss it much either. DAWN: It was getting a little ripe, Mom. BUFFY: (to Dawn) Maybe we should burn it. DAWN: It would keep the bugs away. JOYCE: It doesn't smell! Fine, fine, make your funny jokes at the expense of the woman with the hole in her skull. (Sits on the bed) BUFFY: (to Dawn) Let's go. I think we've tired her out. Buffy goes into her room. Dawn follows. Joyce watches them with a smile, then leans back and sighs. Buffy walks into her room, sits on the bed and begins flipping through a magazine. Dawn stands in the doorway watching. DAWN: Whatcha doin'? BUFFY: Playing soccer. DAWN: Can I hang out in here? BUFFY: Don't touch anything. Dawn comes into the room, looks at a corkboard where several photos are hanging. DAWN: You took down his pictures. BUFFY: Yeah. DAWN: I ... I think I would've done that sooner. Like, boom! "Don't wanna see that face again." BUFFY: It wasn't like that. I was never angry with him. (sighs) Okay, that's a lie. But it's not like I don't want to see his face. DAWN: I was just starting to kinda like the guy, and then ... gone. So fast. BUFFY: It wasn't really so fast. Him leaving. According to everyone who isn't me, it was kind of gradual. DAWN: Oh. Does that make it any better? Dawn sits on the end of the bed. BUFFY: No. DAWN: Because you should have noticed earlier? BUFFY: Stop being insightful. It's creepy. (Dawn continues looking at her. Buffy speaks more softly.) It hurts. In all kinds of horrible ways. In the way where I'm furious at him ... in the way where I blame myself ... and all the little ways I imagine ... how I could have fixed things. DAWN: It'll get better. (Frowns) Won't it? BUFFY: I hope so. Yes. It has to. (Dawn lies down, puts her head in Buffy's lap. Buffy strokes her hair) I'll just keep going like I have been, and every day it'll get a little bit better. DAWN: Really? Every day? BUFFY: Not really. But it'll be better soon. DAWN: It still feels all sudden to me. With him gone where no one can talk to him. BUFFY: But you never know. Maybe he'll come back. Maybe he'll hate the jungle ... or maybe he'll want to give it another try. I could ... say all the things I didn't get to say. Cut to: Spike holding a box of chocolates. He talks to someone we can't see. SPIKE: (softly) Um ... there's something I got to tell you. About showing you Riley in that place. (deep breath) I didn't mean to ... (long pause) Anyway, I know you're feeling all betrayed - by him, not me. (The camera pans around and we see he is talking to a mannequin, which has no legs but wears a blue blouse and a blonde wig. It's set up on a block of stone so that it is about Buffy's height.) I was trying to help, you know. Not like I made him be there, after all. Actually trying to help you. Best intentions. He gets a little agitated, paces a few steps away. SPIKE: I mean, you know, pretty state you'd be in, thinking things are all right (moves back toward the mannequin) while he's toddling halfway round the bend. (Stares at the mannequin, gets madder) Oh, I'll insult him if I want to! I'm the one who's on your side! Me! Doing you a favor! (very angry) And you, being d*ad petty about it - me, getting nothing but your hatred and your venom and - you ungrateful bitch! He loses control of himself, smashes the box of chocolates over the mannequin's head. SPIKE: Bitch! He hits the mannequin with the chocolates again and it falls over. The box of chocolate goes flying. Spike sighs. He picks up the mannequin and replaces it. He carefully rearranges the wig, sighs again, picks up the box of chocolate, tries to stuff the chocolates back in. He composes himself and faces the mannequin again. SPIKE: (quietly) Buffy ... there's something I wanted to tell you. Cut to: magic shop. Anya is working at the cash register. Willow stands behind her with her back to the camera, holding a book. Tara is standing by the shelves behind the register, where there are jars of magical supplies. WILLOW: Good, and, and hellebore. It's up and to the right. Tara takes down a vial and gives it to Willow. TARA: Hellebore, one of my favorites. WILLOW: It's powerful stuff. (She and Tara walk out from behind the counter) I tried to use it to de-rat Amy, and it didn't work. But I think it might have made her really smart. (They approach the table, where a variety of magical supplies are laid out. Willow puts the vial into a rack with some others.) She keeps giving me these looks like she's planning something. Rubbing her paws together. Anya comes out from behind the counter and walks over to them. ANYA: (annoyed) Hey. What are you two doing? WILLOW: Oh, we're gonna try out a few spells. TARA: There's this thing you can do where you create light, and we thought, what if you could make, like, simulated sunlight? WILLOW: Yeah, so then, you know, there Buffy is, middle of the night, and she finds this whole nest of vamps, a-and then she just goes, "Presto!" TARA: Only it won't be "presto" exactly. WILLOW: And, and voom! There's a, a floating ball of sunlight. Vamps get dusty. TARA: You don't wanna look right at it, though. ANYA: That's swell, but you can't use this stuff. Giles has only been gone two days and you're already causing trouble. You shouldn't do things while he's gone. WILLOW: (smiling) You're the fish! ANYA: What? Tara grins. WILLOW: The, the fish in the bowl, in The Cat in the Hat. He was always saying that the cat shouldn't be there while the mother was out. ANYA: What are you talking about? TARA: It's a book. This cat does all this mischief. WILLOW: It's so cute. He balances a bunch of stuff, including that fish in the bowl! A-and, but don't try it for real when you're six, because then you're not allowed to have fish for five years. ANYA: (upset) You're referencing literature I have no way to be familiar with. You're trying to make me feel left out, and you're stealing! WILLOW: I'm not stealing. I-I'm just taking things without paying for th... (pauses) In what twisted dictionary is that stealing? TARA: Willow, maybe we should just pay. WILLOW: Anya, Giles would be totally fine with this. Come on, it'll be fun. (Gets an idea) We could show you how to do some stuff! You could be floatin' pencils by the end of the day. ANYA: Sometimes I miss having powers. (Willow grins. Anya realizes something) Oh. Oh! I know what this is! (shaking her finger at them) This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and, and have drugs. WILLOW: Look how easy. They all look at the table. A small stick of dried sage and a vial rise off the table and float in the air. ANYA: Hey! Don't float the merchandise! (grabs the items and puts them back on the table) Willow turns. A few items on the counter rise into the air. ANYA: Stop that! Xander appears, walking past the floating stuff without noticing. XANDER: Hey, look at this, my two favorite girls! (to Tara) Three favorite girls. ANYA: Xander, Willow's stealing. She's a burglar. WILLOW: Right, the cunning, broad daylight in front of everyone burglar. Xander, I'm just doing a spell to help Buffy. Xander nods. ANYA: Xander, Giles left me in charge. Tell her. XANDER: Hey, hey, Judge Xander requesting a recess here. TARA: You really shouldn't pull him into this. XANDER: Yeah, see? Tara's with me. (moves to stand behind Tara) Protect me, Tara. WILLOW: (walks back behind the counter, holding a mortar and pestle) Xander, what I'm doing, it's a good thing. And if it doesn't work, Giles never even needs to know about it. She puts the mortar and pestle on the counter, takes a pinch of something out of the bowl, and sprinkles it on the cash register. The register disappears in a puff of pink smoke. WILLOW: Oops. Anya rushes over. The others come over as well. ANYA: The cash register! What did you do with the cash register? Dear god! WILLOW: I'll fix it, I'll fix it! Recursat. (latin translation: revert/return) Another pink puff, and the register reappears, now with the receipt paper hanging out of it in long curls. Smoke rises out of it. WILLOW: There, all back. Good as new. ANYA: Money. Did you hurt the money? (Opens the cash register and coughs as more smoke (not pink) comes out) Money good? (takes out some money and shakes it at Xander) She endangered the money! (Xander shrugs) WILLOW: Of course, that's what she cares about. (imitates Anya) "I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services." ANYA: (horrified) Xander, she's pretending to be me! WILLOW: Well, can you even believe how she's acting? XANDER: Okay, you know what? I'm tired of being the one in the middle. I'm not gonna let you pull me into this. WILLOW: I'm not. XANDER: Whatever the issue is between you two, just figure it out without me. He begins to walk out. ANYA: Xander, don't go! Xander slams the door behind him. WILLOW: (softly) You made him mad. ANYA: (angrily) Me?! WILLOW: Tara, who do you think he was more mad at? TARA: Um, you know? I think, uh, maybe, maybe you guys have some stuff you need to work out, you know, just really ... talk. She leaves. Anya and Willow look at each other. Cut to: exterior of magic shop, day. Cut to inside. Anya sits on a stool near the shelves, holding a pencil and notepad. Willow is at the counter, where she has a large cauldron and a bunch of vials and containers laid out. WILLOW: Fleabane... (measures some stuff into her mortar) ANYA: Fifteen cents. (writes) WILLOW: Salamander eyes... (puts them into the mortar) ANYA: Ten bucks for twelve. Bargain. (writes) WILLOW: Bindweed. (puts it in) ANYA: Ugh, ooh, that's a pricey one. (writes) WILLOW: Would you stop that? It's very distracting. ANYA: Fine. Make your little ball of sunshine. I'll be quiet. WILLOW: Good, because this spell is very sensitive. Once I begin, any non-ritual word can disrupt it. (mashes the ingredients together with the pestle) ANYA: Fine. WILLOW: Okay, here we go. She pours the mixture into the cauldron. Then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. ANYA: Did you start yet? WILLOW: (exhales loudly, turns to give Anya an annoyed look) Shh, no! This is it. Again she closes her eyes and inhales. WILLOW: Spirits of light, I invoke thee. Let the gloom of darkness part before you. A small circlet of yellow-orange light arises out of the cauldron and begins to spin. WILLOW: Let the moonlight be made pale by your presence. Spirits- ANYA: Is it done? WILLOW: Shh! The circle of light flashes brighter and grows a bit larger. WILLOW: Spirits of light, grant my wishes. ANYA: Sorry, I thought you were done. WILLOW: (angry) Do you *wanna* screw this up? Willow turns away to yell at Anya. The circle of light grows bigger and brighter, and its spinning becomes less smooth. It continues to grow and twist crazily. ANYA: No. No. I'm sure you can do that all on your own. WILLOW: Hey Anya, whatever really has you mad, why don't you just say it, like you do every other thought that stomps through your brain? ANYA: (stands up) I believe I have said it. WILLOW: No. You haven't. Come on. Let it out! The circle of light suddenly drops down through the glass of the countertop and touches a large crystal that is in the display case underneath. It gives off a big flash of light and a large demon (Olaf) suddenly appears next to the counter. Willow and Anya shriek and grab each other. Olaf stumbles a bit, gets his balance and looks around. He is about seven feet tall, with long hair and green scaly skin and a big beard covering most of his face, and two curved horns on his head. He holds a large hammer. Anya and Willow stare in shock. Olaf looks at himself, looks around. He turns and sees the two girls, and roars loudly. They shriek again and clutch each other. Olaf turns and uses his hammer to smash a display case full of merchandise, then another, growling all the time. Then he smashes a statue on a pedestal. He goes to the door and stumbles outside, still roaring. Willow and Anya come forward. WILLOW: He's not a ball of sunshine. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on Buffy and Tara in a classroom, surrounded by other students. Tara holds some books. A professor hands Buffy a piece of paper. BUFFY: (sighs) New semester, new classes. (She and Tara begin to walk out into the hallway) Whole new vistas of knowledge to be confused and intimidated by. TARA: (laughs) I think this one's gonna be kind of fun. Greek Art's gonna touch on so many things -- mythology, history, philosophy... BUFFY: (whispering) The professor spit too much when he talked. It was like being at Sea World. "The first five rows will get wet." TARA: (laughs) That was just, you know, um, enthusiasm. BUFFY: It seemed very much like saliva. TARA: We'll sit farther back next time. BUFFY: Good plan. (stops walking, folds the paper and puts it in her bag) I need to keep this course. The only other thing that fits into my schedule is Central American Geopolitics. Tara: (grimaces) Hmm. BUFFY: And no, thank you. (resumes walking) I even hear the word jungle, all I can think of is him. (Tara looks sympathetic) You know, "is that the one Riley's in?" Really don't need a daily 2:00 Kn*fe in the heart. TARA: Is it that bad? BUFFY: (stops walking) Sort of. But I'm starting to get perspective on the whole situation. You know, maybe Riley's ... where he's supposed to be. You know, maybe he needed ... to be where he was needed. TARA: Willow says that things always happen for a reason. BUFFY: But you ever notice people only say that about bad things? (Tara laughs) But not for me the furrowed brow. (resumes walking) What do you say we go pick up Willow and indulge ourselves in a little after-school hamburger? TARA: I guess we could. She might still be at the magic shop. I was there earlier, and she and Anya kinda got in this little squabble ... Xander and I sort of cleared out, he was pretty upset. BUFFY: (stops walking, looks very concerned) Anya and, and Xander are in trouble? TARA: Oh! No, I-I said that all wrong. It was nothing. Willow and Anya were sort of fighting, and then Xander kind of snapped at both of them and he left. BUFFY: (alarmed) He left? Xander left Anya? TARA: (frowning) Ummm ... no, not "left her" left her, he just left. It was only a little thing, it- BUFFY: Little thing? (tearfully) See, the thing is, the ... little things get bigger, you know, and, and, and, and, if you don't catch the little thing and then, boom! You have this, this, this whole huge thing! TARA: Oh dear. BUFFY: (sniffling) Not, not, not them with the little things! They can't break up! TARA: Oh, I think- BUFFY: They have a beautiful love. TARA: I think they'll be fine. Buffy bursts into tears and puts her face against Tara's shoulder, hugging her. Tara looks alarmed, pats Buffy on the back. BUFFY: (muffled) They have a miraculous love! TARA: What? BUFFY: (sobbing) A miraculous love! Cut to: Giles's convertible zooming down the streets of Sunnydale. We see another car by the side of the road with its side all smashed in. ANYA: There, that parked car! We're still on his trail. We see that Anya is driving while Willow sits in the passenger seat holding a bunch of papers. The car screeches around a corner. WILLOW: I don't even get how we made that guy, because, wow, advanced! (She continues looking through the papers) ANYA: No one made him. He must have been trapped in that crystal, and you released him. WILLOW: *I* released him? No, this was definitely a "we" thing. Or, or a "you" thing! I-it definite feels like a you thing. ANYA: Look, just find the reversal spell. And hurry! Look what he did to that lamppost! We see a lamppost lying on the ground, broken in two. WILLOW: I'm trying. Put the top up, the pages are all blowy! ANYA: Well, I don't know how to put the top up, I only just figured out what the left pedal does. (turns to smile at Willow) It makes us stop! Anya slams on the brake and they slow down with a screech. Willow grabs the side of the car for balance. Anya resumes driving. WILLOW: You don't know how to drive? Why didn't you say you don't know how to drive? ANYA: Well, I couldn't know if I could until I tried, could I? They exchange an angry look. WILLOW: This is very, very bad. There, there's an ogre on the loose- ANYA: Troll. WILLOW: What? ANYA: Troll on the loose. Now hold on, I'm gonna press the right pedal harder. (smiling) I expect us to accelerate. She presses on the gas pedal and they both lean back in their seats as the car speeds up. Willow looks very angry. WILLOW: (yelling over the engine noise) There's a troll on the loose, and you're gonna crash Giles' car! ANYA: (agreeing) It's likely. We're going very fast. You should have listened to me and not done the spell. Giles put me in charge. WILLOW: Giles can be an idiot. The smart kind, but still. ANYA: Xander agreed. WILLOW: Oh, right. Xander doesn't step out of line. ANYA: (turns to look at her) Well, what do you mean by that? WILLOW: Nothing. Willow looks ahead, points at something. Anya looks, twists the wheel quickly. The car screeches around another corner, narrowly misses hitting another parked car, which has its roof bashed in. Some of the papers fly out of Willow's hands and are gone with the wind behind the car. Willow watches them go. ANYA: Find that spell quickly! WILLOW: Whoa, that's gone. Cut to: interior of the Bronze. Xander takes a bowl of peanuts from the counter and turns away. As he walks away he bumps into Spike, who is drinking a mug of beer. SPIKE: Hey, watch it. (looks at Xander) Oh, it's you. XANDER: Spike, don't let me stop you from not being here. SPIKE: I was here first, you know. XANDER: Uh-huh. Go away. Xander walks off. Spike grins and follows him. SPIKE: Now why would I do that, when it's bugging you so much having me here? Xander sits at a round table and begins shelling the peanuts. Spike watches. SPIKE: They have chicken wings too. Also a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion. It's brilliant. XANDER: Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you? SPIKE: Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way. b*at the onion thing all to hell. Spike reaches over to take one of Xander's peanuts. Xander slaps his hand away. XANDER: Hey! Those are mine. SPIKE: My, my. Someone's in a temper. (sits down opposite Xander) This all sympathetic misery borrowed from the Slayer? XANDER: What? No, nothing to do with Buffy. SPIKE: So she's all right then. Not, uh ... holding grudges. XANDER: What are you talking about? What does Buffy have to do with anything? What grudges? SPIKE: Oh, yeah. Okay. No need to talk about her then. I'm sure she's merrily slaying some pals of mine, having a grand old time. He eyes Xander warily as he takes another sip of his beer. BUFFY VOICEOVER: This is very bad. Cut to: interior of magic shop. Buffy steps around the broken debris lying on the floor. BUFFY: (calling) Willow? Anya? Tara comes running from the back room. TARA: They're not back there either, they're gone. (anxious) Buffy, something's been here and Willow's gone. BUFFY: Don't worry. We'll get her back, I promise. (Tara nods) Come on, this thing's probably leaving a huge trail. Buffy grabs Tara's hand and they both run out. Cut to: city street, night. Olaf comes round a corner with his hammer. He uses it to h*t a large dumpster, which goes spinning across the street toward a bunch of passers-by. The people stare. Olaf laughs loudly. OLAF: Puny receptacle! He growls and hits a mailbox with his hammer. It flies toward the dumpster. The people begin to move away in alarm. OLAF: Rrrah! You do well to flee, townspeople! I will pillage your lands and dwellings! (The people begin to run away) I will burn your crops and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters! Ha ha ha! Mark my words! He pauses and sniffs the air. OLAF: Ooh! Ale! I smell delicious ale! He walks off. Cut to: interior of the Bronze. Spike and Xander are playing pool together. XANDER: And they get in these fights, and they're both looking at me like I'm the referee. Also, sometimes I'll say something about Anya, and Willow'll get this look, this, um, "what the hell do you see in her" look. SPIKE: I know that look. Lot of people never really got Dru, you know. XANDER: Well, she was insane. (Spike looks offended) Then it's like, well, I get all torn. Because, Willow's my best friend and I really value her opinion, but, uh, Anya's my girlfriend, you know? SPIKE: Hmm. What does the Slayer think of all this ... friction in the ranks? (walks around the pool table to study the angles) Can't be good for morale. XANDER: I don't know. SPIKE: (bitterly) She's a little ... preoccupied, maybe. It's understandable what with all the upset, all the blaming of innocent bystanders who got caught up in the mess. XANDER: What? SPIKE: (walks closer to Xander) I mean, did she *want* to be made a fool of? And, what does a person have to do to make it right? (Olaf walks past, bumping Spike's shoulder) Hey, watch it, mate. Spike turns to look up at Olaf. Both he and Xander stare. SPIKE: On second thought, do what you like. Olaf sniffs the air. OLAF: Ale! Yes! He walks over to where a guy is wheeling a dolly with two half-kegs on it. OLAF: Ah, fragrant ale! Olaf picks up a keg with one hand, lifts it to his mouth and begins to drink. XANDER: (still standing behind Spike) So, uh ... think I should run and get Buffy? Olaf finishes off the keg, sighs happily and tosses it aside. He looks around at the patrons staring at him in fear. He spots a waitress. OLAF: Barmaid! Bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat. XANDER: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. (Pats Spike on the shoulder) Or maybe you could fight him. SPIKE: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much. OLAF: (pointing at Spike) You there! (walks up to Spike and Xander) Do you know where there are babies? SPIKE: (to Xander) What do you think, the hospital? XANDER: What? Shut up! (to Olaf) Um ... listen... OLAF: I find myself very hungry. And when I'm hungry I grow short of patience. XANDER: Well, we can take care of the hungry, so how's about you just sit down in one of the ... sturdier chairs, and we can ... have a calm talk and something to eat. OLAF: Can it be babies? XANDER: Well, not so much. OLAF: (disappointed) Oh. XANDER: But maybe ... some roast pigs, and ... stags, and ... much hearty grog. (grins nervously) SPIKE: They've got this onion thing... OLAF: You cannot appease me! Do not try! (turns away) More ale! He grabs the second keg off the dolly. Xander and Spike edge toward the door. Just as they reach it, Anya and Willow enter. Willow carries a book. ANYA: Xander! You shouldn't be here. There's a troll. (She goes over to him and they put their arms around each other) XANDER: Uh, a big guy? Hammer? (Anya nods) I think I noticed him. (points) Anya and Willow look over at where Olaf is draining the second keg. WILLOW: I wish Buffy was here. The door opens again and Buffy runs in, followed by Tara. BUFFY: I'm here. Willow looks surprised. WILLOW: I wish I had a million dollars. (The others look at her) Just checking. BUFFY: (looks at Olaf) What's going on? Where did he come from? Spike steps forward, looking nervous. SPIKE: Hello, Buffy. Buffy looks at him. ANYA: (still holding on to Xander) Willow stole ingredients and released him from a purple crystal. He's a troll. Spike looks annoyed, steps back. BUFFY: (to Willow) You did this? WILLOW: Me? No, we. I mean, us. (points to Anya) Uh, her. It's very complex. ANYA: Well, we can stop him. Willow, do the spell. Willow opens her book to read. WILLOW: Uh, let the conjuring be- Olaf suddenly stops drinking and looks over at them. OLAF: Stop! They all look up at him. He growls. WILLOW: Nobody lets me finish! OLAF: You ... told the witch to do that, Anyanka. (Anya looks alarmed) You seem determined to put an end to all my fun. Just like you always did when we were dating! Buffy, Tara, and Willow stare at Anya. Spike stares at Anya. Xander frowns. ANYA: Uh, um... XANDER: You dated him? BUFFY: You dated a troll? WILLOW: And we're what, surprised by this? ANYA: Well, he wasn't a troll then! You know, he was just a big dumb guy, and ... well, you know, he cheated on me and I made him into a troll, which by the way is... (embarrassed) how I got the ... job as a vengeance demon. Olaf roars angrily and smashes the countertop with his hammer. Patrons scream and run away. OLAF: I did not cheat! Not in my heart. It was only one wench! I, I had had a great deal of mead! Next thing I know, I'm a troll! Ohh ... ohh ... you did this, Anyanka. You will die for this. XANDER: But, but, you seem to enjoy the, the being a troll. OLAF: (shrugs) I adjusted. And then what happened? Witches. (Willow looks offended) Filthy, dirty, disgusting witches. They trapped me. I was imprisoned in that crystal for centuries. Ohh, a curse on all witches! All must die! BUFFY: (to Willow) Willow, again. WILLOW: Uh, uh, (looks at book) Let the conjuring be undone. Return the beast to native form. OLAF: comes toward them) Witch, you must stop! WILLOW: (quickly) Keep it far from us and ours as long as my voice shall sound. Olaf pauses, looks down at himself. Nothing happens. He begins to laugh. Willow flips pages frantically. OLAF: (laughs) It did not work! WILLOW: Okay, wait! Uh, "Let the conjuring-" Olaf lunges forward but Buffy kicks him in the chest. As she drives him back, kicking and punching, Spike follows right behind her. Buffy ducks a punch and Spike prepares to punch Olaf himself, but gets caught by a swinging arm and goes flying aside. Buffy seizes Olaf and shoves him down on a pool table. They both grapple for his hammer. Olaf shoves Buffy and she goes flying backward into Spike, who had just gotten up. They both fall down again. Olaf gets up from the pool table and begins smashing the pillars that hold up the mezzanine level of the Bronze. People scream and run. Buffy is on the floor on top of Spike. She tries to get up and Spike acts like he's helping her, but actually he's hindering by clutching her around the waist. Finally she gets to her feet and rushes off. Spike watches her go with a smirk. Olaf continues smashing pillars as people run around screaming. Xander and Anya cower in a corner. Olaf smashes another pillar and the entire upper level of the Bronze comes crashing down, bringing people and tables with it. Buffy covers her head with her hands as the debris falls on her. Some of the people manage to cling to the railings, dangling in the air, but then they lose their grips and fall to the floor below. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the Bronze. A large piece of wood is pinning Buffy down and she lifts it off her as Tara helps. Spike runs up and holds the thing out of the way so Buffy can get up. She rushes over to Willow, Xander, and Anya standing nearby. BUFFY: Where is he? WILLOW: Gone. BUFFY: Xander, follow him. (Xander nods) Anya, Willow, head back to the magic shop, find a spell that will actually stop him. The others leave. Buffy goes over to Tara who is trying to move some debris off a pair of injured people. Buffy helps clear the stuff away and they check on the victims. We see Spike crouching next to another injured woman. She has blood on her face. Spike puts something under her head for support. Buffy sees him and approaches. BUFFY: What are you doing? SPIKE: Making this woman more comfortable. (looks up at Buffy) I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. (looks around) Just look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. Know you wouldn't like it. BUFFY: (amazed) You want credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims? SPIKE: Well, yeah. BUFFY: You're disgusting. (Walks away) Spike looks after her in disbelief. SPIKE: (to himself) What's it take? (sighs, continues helping the injured woman) Cut to: interior of the magic shop. Willow is looking at bookshelves. WILLOW: Hurry up! I'm taking everything on relocation spells, suspension spells, and, what the heck, spells to make him really sleepy, 'cause, slightly better. She takes some books and puts them on the table. Anya approaches from the counter, her arms full of supplies. ANYA: In case we need 'em, I'm getting more of all the things you stole. WILLOW: I didn't - why do you do that? ANYA: What? (Goes back to the counter for more stuff) WILLOW: You're so rude! I mean, sure, at first, ex-demon, doesn't know the rules. Well, you been here forever. Learn the rules. ANYA: (putting more stuff on table) Rules are stupid. WILLOW: Great, whatever. (they both sit down and open books) I just thought you might be interested in learning to act more human. Some of us enjoy it. Oh, look for, uh, spells with dimensional portals too. ANYA: I *am* a human. And there are ... many humans who are stranger than me. WILLOW: Uh-huh, but, unless I'm really wrong about crazy Larry down at the bus stop, he's probably not gonna turn Xander into a troll. ANYA: Well, now, that's a very complicated proced... (pauses) Oh. You think I'm gonna hurt Xander? I would *never* hurt Xander! (Willow looks skeptical) You really think I would do that! WILLOW: Anya, it's what you do. You spent what, a thousand years hurting men? You got your "thousand years of hurting men" gold watch. ANYA: I was a demon then, and, and I don't even have any powers now! Is this the spell? (holds a book up) WILLOW: (looks) Only if you want him to double in size, and grow extra arms, which ... let's not. A-and by the way, you weren't a demon when you turned Olaf into Lord of the Hammers. You managed that. (Anya continues looking at the book) Also, there's ... other ways to hurt Xander. ANYA: I don't do magic now. You're the one with that kind of power. In fact, D'Hoffryn offered you my old job. You're closer to being a vengeance demon than I am, maybe Xander should be afraid of you. WILLOW: Xander's my best friend! ANYA: Oh, and you don't want anyone else to have him. I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you! And your lips! WILLOW: No it was not! Well, yes it was so, but ... that was a long time ago. Do you think I'd do that again? ANYA: Why not? WILLOW: Well, hello, gay now. ANYA: But you're always doing everything you can to, to point out how much I'm an outsider. You've known him since you were squalling infants together. You'll always know him better than I do. You could sweep in and, and poison his mind against me. WILLOW: You're insane! I am not gonna take him away and I am not gonna hurt him. ANYA: Well, I'm not either! Suddenly the door crashes inward as Olaf smashes it with his hammer. Willow and Anya jump up as he storms in, walking over the debris covering the floor. OLAF: Aha! He walks up to them. Anya thrusts Willow behind her and they clutch each other. OLAF: I knew it. You two, performing more spells. I could be out pillaging, devouring babies, making merry with the local virgins, but instead, I had to come all the way back here to k*ll you. WILLOW: Run! They try to run away but Olaf grabs them with one arm around each of their waists. They scream. He throws them both over the counter and they crash into the merchandise shelves behind the counter. Olaf lifts his hammer and chuckles. Xander runs in. XANDER: No, get away from them! OLAF: (turns to laugh at Xander) I will get away from them, after I k*ll them. XANDER: You are not touching these women. Xander runs at Olaf, who simply holds out his hammer. Xander runs into it and falls down, wincing. Olaf picks him up by the front of his shirt. Xander hits Olaf across the face. Olaf hits Xander in the face with the hammer and Xander flies across the room, smashes into a wall. He gets up. Olaf watches him. OLAF: Ah, you wish for more? Admirable! Xander runs forward and punches Olaf. He lifts his arm to punch again but Olaf grabs his arm with one hand, uses the other hand to h*t Xander in the head with his hammer. Xander goes down. Olaf reaches down and grabs the back of Xander's jacket and slides Xander across the floor. He crashes into another display case, gets to his feet again as Olaf laughs. Xander stumbles over to the stairs and climbs halfway up. He launches himself off the stairs at Olaf, who catches him in midair and slams him to the floor. Xander has blood on his forehead and mouth. Olaf laughs again. OLAF: You fight well, although you are a tiny man. (lifts Xander to his feet) I shall reward you. Only one of your women shall die, (sh*t of Anya and Willow still lying on the floor) and you shall be the one to choose. Zoom in on Xander looking surprised. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the magic shop. Willow and Anya sit up. WILLOW: Did he just say- OLAF: Ha ha. Choose! (gestures at them with one arm, the other arm around Xander's shoulders) Anyanka or the witch. One of your women must die. The girls get to their feet as Xander shakes his head. XANDER: No. You are one crazy troll, I ... I'm not choosing between my girlfriend and my best friend. That's insane troll logic. ANYA: Go Xander. I love you. OLAF: (laughs, shakes Xander by the shoulders) Good for you. You are a loyal man. Olaf takes Xander by the wrist and breaks it. We hear the bone snap. The girls scream. Xander doubles over in pain. WILLOW: Xander! OLAF: Now. Choose! ANYA: Olaf, no! XANDER: (still bending over in pain) I'm not choosing. OLAF: Then you shall be the one who dies. (Lifts his hammer with one hand, holds Xander by the hair with the other) ANYA: (rushes forward) No! (Olaf looks at her) Choose me! Just don't take him! Don't take Xander! Willow moves up behind Anya and throws a handful of powder at Olaf. WILLOW: E conspectu abeat monstrum (translation: "let the monster be gone from sight"). (The cash register disappears) Damn. Buffy and Tara run in. ANYA: Buffy! WILLOW: Tara, stay back! Buffy rushes forward. Olaf drops Xander and turns to face her. She hits him in the stomach. ANYA: Buffy, the hammer! The strength's in the hammer! Olaf swings the hammer at Buffy. She ducks, hits him again. He hits her with the hammer and she lands on some debris. Olaf lunges toward her. Willow begins mixing more ingredients. ANYA: How can I help? WILLOW: Uh, distract him from Buffy, (sh*t of Buffy and Olaf grappling over the hammer again) uh, piss him off. ANYA: I don't know how. WILLOW: Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off. Anya smiles proudly, rushes out from behind the counter. sh*t of Buffy and Olaf exchanging blows. ANYA: Hey Olaf! You're as inadequate a troll as you were a boyfriend! Olaf looks over at her with an angry grunt. Buffy lands another blow. Anya looks back at Willow, who gives her the thumbs-up. Anya looks back at Olaf. ANYA: Uh, y-you're hairy, and unattractive, and even women trolls are put off by your various odors. WILLOW: (muttering) Instrumentum ultionis, telum fabuloso, surge, surge, terram pro voca. (translation: "Instrument of revenge, fabled w*apon, arise, arise," ?) Olaf's hammer glows green for a moment. He lifts Buffy by the throat. ANYA: Your menacing stance is merely alarming! Olaf hits Buffy in the upper arm with his hammer and flings her aside to land against a wall. ANYA: And your roar is less than full-throated! OLAF: Desist! (stomps toward Anya) My god, woman, it's been a thousand years, and yet you are as aggravating and emasculating as ever you were. He swings the hammer at Anya. She ducks. WILLOW: Vola cum viribus, dominum tuum nega. Vola! (translation: "I wish with all men, that god will deny you.") Olaf's hammer glows green again and flies out of his hand as he tries to swing it at Anya. It lands on the floor and stops glowing. Olaf stares at his hands. Buffy gets up. Anya goes over to Willow. ANYA: Hey, good job. WILLOW: You too, very irritating. BUFFY: (confronting Olaf) So. Your power's in your hammer? She rushes at him. He backhands her and she flies across the room again, landing next to Xander. ANYA: (calls to Buffy) Oh, yeah! I forgot he still has all that troll strength. Buffy gets up, helps Xander up. OLAF: You shall all die! I will dispense no mercy now! Buffy punches him in the face, then again, then a third time. She grabs his arm and twists it up behind his back. He grunts loudly and throws her off. She lands on the floor again. OLAF: What are you fighting for, minuscule blonde one? Your friends? (gestures to Anya comforting Xander) These two? (chuckles) They will never last. (Buffy's lower lip begins to tremble) Anyanka is very difficult to live with, and he... (we see Willow and Anya both comforting Xander) he's ludicrous and far too breakable. Their love will never last. Buffy looks on the verge of tears. She gives a sad little whimper. Then she jumps to her feet, flips over Olaf's head. He bends over and she flips herself across his back, spins and kicks him in the chest. sh*t of Willow, Xander, and Anya watching as Buffy drives Olaf across the room. WILLOW: She's got him now. Anya nods, then turns her attention to Xander's broken wrist. ANYA: Poor baby. They all watch Buffy driving Olaf back in the other direction. XANDER: You really dated him? ANYA: (grimaces) Yes. XANDER: But you like me better, right? ANYA: (smiles) Yes! Oh, and Willow likes you too, but not in a sexy way, you know, 'cause she's gay. (Willow smiles at Xander) And she's not gonna try to break us up, so, you know, it's all okay. They all turn to look at the fighting again. BUFFY: (OS) Their love... (punching noise, Olaf grunts) will last ... (punch, grunt) forever! (punch, sound of Olaf falling to the floor) sh*t of Olaf lying unconscious on the floor. sh*t of Willow looking down at him. WILLOW: Let the transposition be complete. Olaf dissolves into nothing and disappears. Willow smiles hugely. sh*t of Tara watching. BUFFY: (OS) Where did you send him? ANYA: (OS) The land of the trolls. We see them all standing around in the magic shop. ANYA: He'll like it there. Full of trolls. WILLOW: It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay put. Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like ... like ... trying to h*t a ... puppy, by throwing a live bee at it. (They all look at her) Which is a weird image, and you should all just forget it. ANYA: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday ... or the crazy melty land ... or, you know, the world without shrimp. TARA: There's a world without shrimp? (Willow looks at her) I'm allergic. WILLOW: He, he's probably in troll land. BUFFY: I only care that he's not here, and I got this nifty souvenir. She turns and puts Olaf's hammer on the countertop. After a moment, the glass breaks and the hammer, plus everything else on the counter, falls into the display case below with a loud crashing noise. BUFFY: Oops. XANDER: The place is trashed enough anyway. BUFFY: Well, see how well things worked out? (looks fondly at Anya and Xander) And look at you guys. So good and alive and together. (starts to tear up again) So together, and ... good, and ... alive... (sniffles, turns to grab a tissue) Oh, god... (crying) I'm ... I'm just so happy for you... She bursts into tears and buries her face in the tissue as the others stare. Cut to: Buffy and Giles sitting at the table in the Summers dining room. GILES: I cringe to think what the place would have looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days. BUFFY: Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help. GILES: Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that. Joyce enters with a tray holding a teapot and several mugs. JOYCE: Rupert, I still don't understand - (Giles gets up and takes the tray) oh, thank you - why the other Watchers made you go all the way to England when they don't know anything. She and Giles sit down on either side of Buffy. GILES: (passing out mugs) Well, they don't know it ... yet. I mean, they have no record of, of Glory or anyone like her, but, uh, based on the information that I've given them, they're gonna look into it. Um, they might have something soon. BUFFY: What about the key? Were they all over it? GILES: (warily) Yes. (to Joyce) You, you know all of this? JOYCE: I got some of it myself, Buffy told me the rest. GILES: (pouring tea) Well, they're interested, certainly, and, uh, full of theories. (Sits back, lifting his cup) Most of them ... nonsensical. The camera pans past Giles into the hallway. We see Dawn coming down the stairs, stopping when she hears voices. BUFFY: (OS) They don't know that it's Dawn. GILES: (OS) No. Cut back to dining room. JOYCE: I still can't begin to grasp this. I mean, she's my little girl, I... Cut back to Dawn on the stairs listening. GILES: (OS) It is disorienting. BUFFY: (OS) Giles, what happens if they figure it out? What would they do? GILES: (OS) I don't know. Dawn frowns. Cut back to dining room. JOYCE: Oh, I can't even think about this. It's too ... I'll get some more milk. Cut back to Dawn looking upset. The camera lingers on her expression. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon. [an error occurred while processing this directive]

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x11 - Triangle"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser Buffy fighting vampires in "Helpless." GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Quinton Travers talking to Giles in "Helpless." TRAVERS: When the Slayer turns 18, it's a time-honored rite of passage. GILES: It's an archaic exercise in cruelty. Quinton, Giles, and Buffy in the Sunnydale High library. GILES: We're finished. TRAVERS: Not quite. She passed, you didn't. I've recommended to the Council you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately. You're fired. Giles, Wesley, and Buffy in Angel's mansion in "Graduation." WESLEY: The Council's orders are to concentrate- BUFFY: I don't think I'm gonna be taking any more orders. Wesley, go back to your Council and tell them, until the next Slayer comes along, I'm not working for them any more. Buffy, Giles, and Joyce sitting around the table in "Triangle." BUFFY: What about the key, were they all over it? GILES: Well, they're interested. BUFFY: But they didn't guess about Dawn, right? I mean, they don't know that it's her. Dawn listening in on the stairs. Episode begins. Fade in on exterior of the Summers house, night. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Here, I'll get that. Cut to inside. BUFFY: Sorry. Mom's still not a hundred percent, and I guess I haven't really been taking up the slack. We see the living room. Tara, Anya, and Willow sit on the sofa. Xander sits in a chair. Buffy and Giles are standing. Buffy moves around trying to pick up stuff that's lying around. WILLOW: No, the place looks fine, Buffy. TARA: Yeah, it's just us. Buffy picks up a sweater (Riley's) and looks sadly at it. XANDER: That must have belonged to, uh... (We see that Xander's right wrist is in a cast after having been broken in "Triangle.") Um, aren't we supposed to have a meeting? GILES: Uh, yes, yes, we, we're here for a reason. (Buffy sits) I've had some rather, uh ... well, I've had some news. It seems that the Council of Watchers has ... found some information that may help us out. BUFFY: About Glory? GILES: Presumably. We'll find that out when they ... arrive. Could be very important. BUFFY: Arrive? They're coming here? Now? W-why do they have to come here? XANDER: Yeah, don't they have phones? (fake British accent) "Allo, Buffy, here's some stuff we know, pip pip." BUFFY: Yeah! Phones. See, I'd like them on phones. TARA: Well, what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, Watchers, that's just like other Gileses, right? BUFFY: Yeah, they're scary and horrible! GILES: Um, they, well, they can appear a bit ... well, uh, hard-nosed, but, uh, well, essentially, their agenda is the same as ours, they want to save the world and k*ll demons. ANYA: k*ll the current demons, right? *Current* demons. BUFFY: Giles, I don't want them to come here. I don't trust them. Make them not come here. GILES: They're probably already on their way. Our old friend Quinton Travers is ... heading up the delegation. BUFFY: They put me through that test, and it almost k*lled me. And then, when I was Faith, they almost k*lled me again. Honestly, I really can't handle almost being k*lled right now. ANYA: I don't like the sound of this. They don't sound very ex-demon-compatible. TARA: Are you sure they're English? I-I thought English people were, um, gentler, then, uh, (trailing off) normal... WILLOW: Maybe it won't be so bad this time. I mean, Buffy, they did think you were Faith last time. Now that they know you're just you, maybe they won't care enough to k*ll you. BUFFY: It's not just that. They're gonna screw everything up. I-it's a delicate time right now. I-I have to take care of Dawn, and- XANDER: But that's not new, you've always taken care of her. BUFFY: Right. Right, I, I know that, it's just, you know, there's, there's Glory, and... We see Dawn on the stairs, listening in, wearing pajamas. BUFFY: (OS) ...and I don't need the Council looking over my shoulder when I don't even know what we're dealing with. GILES: (OS) Well, that's precisely why we need to talk to them. Joyce comes down the stairs and sees Dawn. JOYCE: Dawn, honey, what are you doing up at this hour? Go back to bed. Cut back to living room. Buffy hears Joyce and looks alarmed. DAWN: (OS) I was just getting a snack. BUFFY: (yelling over her shoulder) Dawn, are you listening? Cut to stairs. DAWN: (calling to Buffy) I can get a snack if I want to. Dawn turns and goes back upstairs. Cut back to living room. BUFFY: (alarmed, to Giles) She was listening. WILLOW: Does it matter? I mean, is she really gonna set the junior high school buzzing with "ooh, there's a delegation a-coming"? BUFFY: No, I, I guess not. You know, it's just ... sometimes we ... say stuff, and, and ... it's all good. Giles, you were saying ... something? GILES: Um, just that ... if the Council knows something about Glory, her agenda or her origins, then ... (sighs) then maybe it will help us get a, a, a grip on what we're dealing with. Right now I think we're, we're a bit lost. Cut to: Glory sitting on the floor of her apartment, panting and sweaty, looking pale and in pain. The door bursts open and Dreg enters with another demon who looks like him (Jinx). They are dragging a man in postal carrier uniform. DREG: Mistress, at last we've found one. They throw him to the floor next to Glory. MAILMAN: Look, don't hurt me. I beg of you, if you just let me go, I swear I won't tell anyone. Dreg pulls him upright. DREG: (to Jinx) Help her! Jinx goes to Glory and drags her toward the mailman. JINX: We're here for you, great one. Glory gets up on her knees and the demons put her hands on the mailman's head. MAILMAN: What- DREG: Drink! MAILMAN: Oh, what is this? What the, what the hell are you things doing to me? Glory puts her fingers on the sides of his head, and then pushes them into his head. Instead of blood, yellow light streams out as Glory pushes her hands deeper into his brain. Both Glory and the mailman scream. After a moment the light stops and they both fall to the floor. DREG: Very good, delicious. Glory lies on the floor panting and smiling. She no longer looks pale or sweaty. Jinx moves toward her but she stops him. GLORY: No, I'm good. It's okay. She looks at the mailman in disgust, smacks the side of his head. He sits up, then stands. MAILMAN: I know you're all always looking at me. I can tell. Always tell. I can see. I, my hat, where's my hat? (wanders off) GLORY: (groans, laughs) Try not cutting things so close next time, understood? DREG: Yes, we live to serve. JINX: As always. GLORY: Cool. (to Dreg) Take this mess out with the rest of the trash. (Dreg moves away) And you ... (Jinx takes her hand, helps her up) have something to tell me? JINX: Indeed, Glorificus. GLORY: (smiling) Well, I'm waiting. (picks up a hand-mirror and rubs lipstick off her teeth) JINX: We have found that the signs of the alignment are moving faster than expected. GLORY: (primping in mirror) Meaning? JINX: If you are to use the key, you must act quickly. GLORY: Fine. (puts mirror down) I have been cooling my heels in this crappy little town long enough. (lies down on bed) Sunnydale's got too many demons and not enough retail outlets. (Picks up a pair of shoes) JINX: All you need is the key. GLORY: (lying on her back) Yes, and I bet Mousy the Vampire Slayer has an idea where it is. JINX: If I may remind your eminence ... you don't have much time. GLORY: (scoffs) Baby, if that girl's the only thing between me and my key? I don't need much time. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Cynthia LaMontagne, Oliver Muirhead, Kris Iyer, Kevin Weisman, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, Harris Yulin as Quinton Travers, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson, directed by Nick Marck. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on magic shop. Giles is talking to a female customer. He is holding two books. GILES: Well, if you're serious about these matters, all right, but ... you need to be very careful. Measure precisely, and, and, please don't step ahead. TRAVERS: (OS) No, he's quite right. We see Quinton Travers standing there with six other Watchers standing behind him: four men, two women. Quinton takes one of the books from Giles and looks at it. TRAVERS: You wouldn't want to do anything dangerous. Turn the wrong person into a badger. (Smiles, hands the book back) GILES: Quinton. I didn't realize you were here. (Gives book to customer; she walks off) TRAVERS: Well, evidently. GILES: Been a while. I see you've, uh, brought some of our ... colleagues with you. Would you care to introduce us? TRAVERS: Well, first I thought we might catch up. The other Watchers begin to spread out through the store. GILES: Well, certainly, certainly. Uh, well, um, this is the shop, obviously. (Begins walking toward the counter. Travers follows) Uh, i-it's been a very interesting transition into the world of retail. But I think it's gone rather well. I'll give you the grand tour if you like. TRAVERS: No, that's all right, I think I can see what you've been up to. Anya comes up to them behind the counter. GILES: Yes, well, I, I, uh, do limit my time here, obviously. Watcher #1 (Nigel) comes up behind Anya, looking at the racks of magic stuff behind the counter. Anya looks at him suspiciously. GILES: Buffy and I have been training a great deal these days. Uh, there's a, a back room... (points toward the back) TRAVERS: (sits on a chair beside the counter) Oh yes. I thought perhaps you were keeping that space for the really dangerous items that should be kept out of the public's hands. (Giles frowns) Or maybe you don't worry about that. GILES: I'm very careful. NIGEL: (comes over holding a vial) Most of this stuff couldn't harm anyone. Incense, dime store trinkets ... but there are some things. (Hands vial to Travers) GILES: I'm sorry, who are you? Watcher #2 (female) is looking at the stuff on another shelf. WATCHER2: There are some very potent elements here ... focusing crystals, runic artifacts, an amulet of Cauldis... Also this statue. (Picks up a statue about 2 feet tall) Its removal from Burma is a criminal offense... (Giles looks surprised. Watcher 2 carries the statue over to Travers) ...and when triggered, it has the power to melt human eyeballs. (She gives the statue to Travers and walks off) GILES: In that case, I severely underpriced it. TRAVERS: (nods to Nigel) Uh, Giles, sorry, but this is just for the duration of our stay. I think you can see why. Nigel takes the book from Giles. GILES: What, what, wha-what is just for the duration? Nigel stands in the middle of store and speaks loudly. NIGEL: Magic Box shoppers! We're going to have to ask you to leave. The store is, uh, closing early today. Watcher #3 (Philip) takes an item away from a customer. PHILIP: Terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Customers begin to leave. Anya looks alarmed. ANYA: Hey! Giles, what are they doing? Customers! Please bring your money back. Watchers escort customers out. Giles glares at Travers. GILES: You knew you were gonna do this before you even saw the place. TRAVERS: I'm sorry. It's just for the duration of the Council's review. ANYA: Council? You're the Council? (smiles) Welcome to our store. We're closed now. I'll be in the back. (Begins walking toward the back) GILES: What review, Quinton? Let's just stop a moment and talk about this. TRAVERS: (to Anya) Miss, excuse me, you, uh, you work here? Anya stops walking, turns back looking apprehensive. ANYA: Yes I do. Ever since I moved here from southeastern Indiana, where I was raised by both a mother and a father. GILES: Anya, just go. You don't have to talk to him. (Anya looks relieved, leaves) She works for me. Now tell me about this review. No one said anything to me about this. TRAVERS: Let's sit down and talk about it over here. All the Watchers move toward the round table at the far end of the store. Watcher #4 (female) pours some tea. The others stand around. GILES: You all stand around and look somber. (They do. Giles rolls his eyes) Good job. TRAVERS: You used to respect us, Giles. You used to be one of us. GILES: You used to pay me. If you recall, f*ring me was not my idea. TRAVERS: Touche. (sits at table) But you were on the inside once. You know what sort of resources we command. Another Watcher puts a suitcase on the table, opens it, takes out some papers and puts them in front of Travers. Watcher #4 gives Travers a cup of tea. TRAVERS: We've discovered information about this creature, your Glory. Some of it is clearly vital, the rest merely extremely disturbing. And it won't be handed over until we're convinced that you and your Slayer are prepared for it. Thus the review. GILES: (leans over to put hands on table, speaks softly) I'm not having you put her through another one of your insane tests. TRAVERS: It's not a test. It's a check of her methods. We need to know that this information is safe. GILES: You can trust her. (straightens up) Buffy's come very far recently. She's acquired a remarkable focus. Cut to: UC Sunnydale classroom. Buffy is sitting among the students, yawning while the professor lectures. PROFESSOR: Now, Rasputin was associated with a certain obscure religious sect. (Buffy taps her pencil on her desk. The girl next to her glares. Buffy sees her and stops tapping the pencil but continues fidgeting) They held the tenet that in order to be forgiven, one first had to sin. Rasputin embraced this doctrine and proceeded to sin impressively and repeatedly. The notion that he was in fact evil gained strength years later (Buffy fiddles with her pencil, drops it, shrugs and doesn't pick it up) when the conspirators who set out to k*ll him found it nearly impossible to do so. BUFFY: (to herself) Nearly impossible? PROFESSOR: I'm sorry, there's a question? The students look at Buffy. PROFESSOR: (sighing) Miss Summers, of course. Buffy makes a pained face, stands up as the professor gives her a disapproving look. BUFFY: I, uh, about, you know, k*lling him ... you know, they, they poisoned him and, and they b*at him and they sh*t him, and he didn't die. PROFESSOR: Until they rolled his body in a carpet and drowned him in a canal. BUFFY: But there are reported sightings of him as late as the 1930s, aren't there? PROFESSOR: I can assure you there is near consensus in the academic community regarding the death of Rasputin. BUFFY: There was also near consensus about Columbus, you know, until someone asked the Vikings what they were up to in the 1400s, and they're like, "discovering this America-shaped continent." (Professor looks annoyed) I just ... I'm only saying, you know, it might be interesting, if we ... came at it from, you know, a different perspective, that's all. PROFESSOR: Well, I'm sorry if you find these facts so boring, Miss Summers. Maybe you'd prefer I step aside, so that you can teach your own course. Speculation 101 perhaps? (The other students laugh) Intro to Flights of Fancy? (The students laugh more) BUFFY: I only meant- PROFESSOR: What was it you were going on about last week? Mysterious sleeping patterns of the Prussian generals? (Buffy looks annoyed) Now, some of us are here to learn. Believe it or not, we're interested in finding out what actually happened. It's called studying history. You can sit down now. Unless you have something else to add, professor? Buffy scowls, sits. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Miss Summers! Cut to graveyard, night. Buffy is fighting a vampire. She kicks him backward. BUFFY: Some of us are here to learn, professor! She kicks, punches twice. The vamp swings, she ducks. She grabs him and spins him around, throws him against a headstone. BUFFY: Maybe you'd like to teach your own class! VAMP: Who are you talking to? Buffy approaches and the vamp punches her in the face. She spins around from the blow, gets her bearings and turns to att*ck again. Spike comes flying over the headstone and grabs the vamp from behind, knocking him to the ground. As he gets up, Spike kicks him, then stakes him. Spike grins at Buffy, who stalks forward. BUFFY: Spike ... why did you do that? SPIKE: Not for money, if that's what you're thinking. Your heartfelt gratitude's plenty. (stops grinning) I expect I'll be getting that any moment. BUFFY: Gratitude. For getting in my way? SPIKE: Ge-getting in your way? I saved you. BUFFY: I was regrouping. SPIKE: You were about to be regrouped into separate piles. You needed help. BUFFY: I didn't need you. I never need you, Spike. She turns and starts to walk off. SPIKE: Oh, I get it. (follows) You just don't like who did the rescuin', that's all. Wishin' I was your boyfriend what's-his-face. Oh wait, he's run off. BUFFY: You know what? I don't need a boyfriend, to rescue me or for any other reason. SPIKE: Don't need or can't keep? (She stops walking to glare at him) You keep making notches in the headboard but eventually they get up out of the bed and run off, don't they? BUFFY: (deeply annoyed) You're disgusting. SPIKE: Oh, rough talk. (They resume walking) Maybe that's your problem, maybe you push 'em away. Or is it the other? Maybe you cling too much. Or maybe ... your beauty's fading. (They stop again) The stress of slaying, aging you prematurely. Things not as high, not as firm. Spike grins and makes a gesture with his hand as if trying to hold up sagging breasts. BUFFY: You know what, Spike? The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn't. SPIKE: Or maybe you just don't hold their interest. He walks off, leaving Buffy looking stung. Cut to: interior hospital. Ben comes around a corner, wearing scrubs but putting on his jacket. Jinx comes out of a doorway and grabs him. JINX: Begging permission to speak with you, sir. He pulls Ben into an empty room. BEN: Don't touch me, you're crusty. What do you want? JINX: Oh, not me, the magnificent Glory. She wants. She wants more information on the Slayer, she ... knows you know her. BEN: The Slayer? I don't know any Slayer. Get away from me, you shouldn't be here. JINX: Oh, I believe you do, sir. She's short, symmetrical, hair on top? Buffy something. BEN: Buffy Summers is the Slayer? JINX: That's the one! Very clever of you, sir. BEN: The Slayer. How does Glory know this? JINX: I do not know, I was not there. But the beauteous Glory said for you to tell us please, where her dwelling is ... who her friends are... BEN: Why? So Glory can find her, do something to her? Why would I do that? JINX: I don't know, sir, she just said to tell you to do it. For her. That was her message. BEN: Well, I've got a message for Glory too. Cut to: interior magic shop. Giles is walking out of the back room, along with the other Watchers. GILES: We've been developing sort of a, a hybrid fighting style ... let me outline her progress for you and I-I think you'll see that your review isn't strictly needed. Buffy enters, sees the Watchers and tries to back out. BUFFY: (muttering) Bad day. Bad, baaad... TRAVERS: Miss Summers ... (Buffy stops backing away) good to see you again. Buffy enters reluctantly, closes the door behind her. BUFFY: Mr. Travers. TRAVERS: Giles has just been telling us of your training regimen. Perhaps you'll favor us with a demonstration while we're here. BUFFY: Right now? TRAVERS: No need to rush you. GILES: (ruefully) They're ... staying a little longer than I'd anticipated. TRAVERS: We've already laid out our project for Mr. Giles. Nigel? The Watchers and Buffy move toward one side of the room while Giles stays leaning against the counter. NIGEL: It's an exhaustive examination of your procedures and abilities. We'll observe your training, talk to your friends... BUFFY: Talk to my friends? TRAVERS: Yes, we understand you're still taking civilians out on patrols. BUFFY: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. TRAVERS: Buffy ... I can sense your resistance, and I don't blame you. But I think your Watcher hasn't reminded you lately of the resolute status of the players in our little game. The Council fights evil. The Slayer is the instrument by which we fight. The Council remains, the Slayers change. It's been that way from the beginning, GILES: (scornfully) Well, that's a very comforting, bloodless way of looking at it, isn't it? TRAVERS: Giles, let me talk to Buffy, because I think she's understanding me. (to Buffy) Glory is stronger than you. She's a more powerful instrument, if you will. We can help you. We have information that will help. Pass the review and we give it to you without reservation. Fail the review, either through incompetence, or by resisting our recommendations... GILES: (angrily, moves toward them) Resisting your recommendations? She fails if we don't do whatever you say! How much under your thumb do you think we are? TRAVERS: How much do you want our help? GILES: (pokes his finger angrily at Travers; the other Watchers restrain him) She's not your bloody instrument and you have no right to do any of this! BUFFY: Giles! Giles shakes off the other Watchers and moves away, frustrated. TRAVERS: I understand you think this is unfair. But there are factors which should motivate you to go along with the review. Now, I don't want to do this, but obviously we could shut this place down permanently. BUFFY: You can't do that. You don't have that kind of power. TRAVERS: Of course we do, and a great deal more. In fact, if you insist on fighting us, we'll arrange to have Mr. Giles deported within the day. Never set foot in this country again. Now perhaps you're used to idle thr*at and sloppy discipline, Miss Summers, but you're dealing with grownups now. (pause) Am I making myself clear? Buffy looks angrily from Travers to Giles (who doesn't look at her) and then back. She glares at Travers. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Glory's apartment. Jinx enters, holding his head down to hide his face. GLORY: Jinx... hey, what's the deal with your face? Jinx lifts his head to reveal his face bruised and bloody. We see Glory standing in front of a vanity with a towel wrapped around her. JINX: It's a message from Ben. He ... isn't going to help. GLORY: (pouring oil into her hand) Isn't go... (bemused) isn't going to help? JINX: No. GLORY: All he has to do is turn over that tiny squirming Slayer girl! (rubbing oil on her arms) I have business to do with her. If she knows where I can start looking for my key... aah! She grabs her head in frustration. Jinx watches. Glory calms down and begins walking toward him. GLORY: Why won't he help? He knows her. He could go to her ... he could talk to her ... (irritated) he could seduce her and bang the key out of her! JINX: He is quite attractive. GLORY: Well, of course he's attractive! (pouty) But he drives me insane. Know what I mean? JINX: He drives you insane? GLORY: Yeah! That's it exactly! (puts her head on Jinx's chest) Oh. Sweet lumpy minion. You're the only one that understands. (thoughtfully) Probably cause I haven't sucked your brain out yet. (Jinx cringes) He makes me so mad... if I could just ... get my hands on him... She curves her fingers into claws and gestures as if she's about to grab Jinx's head. He cringes in fear. GLORY: (drops her hands) You know? (Walks away. Jinx sighs in relief) I'll just find her myself. Cut to magic shop. Buffy and Giles are alone. Buffy sits at the round table; Giles paces. GILES: It's a power play, that's what it is. It's about who has the power. BUFFY: I'm guessing they do? Big power outage in Buffy county? GILES: I should have set you loose on them, that's what I should have done. BUFFY: Giles, that Travers guy is like sixty. I can't h*t him. (looks up) Can I? GILES: I suppose not. Well, I could. I think I will. BUFFY: Can they really do the stuff they thr*at? Kick you out the country? GILES: In a heartbeat. (Takes off his glasses, takes out a handkerchief and begins cleaning his glasses) See, the rough stuff, they're all right out there, a bit ham-handed, but they get it done, but, uh ... this stuff, the, uh, bureaucracy, the pulling of political strings, they're the best in the world. They can k*ll you with the stroke of a pen. Poncy sods. There's a crunching noise as Giles's glasses break in his hands from too vigorous a cleaning. One of the lenses has popped out of the frame. Giles looks down at them. BUFFY: (softly) Am I gonna be able to get through this review? GILES: Well, I... (comes over and sits next to her) I suppose they'll make it as difficult as they want to. The physical stuff could be a bit of a challenge. (Puts on his glasses, immediately takes them off again) BUFFY: That's not what I'm worried about. It's the other stuff. Examining decisions I've made. I mean, twice now I've been within slaying distance of Glory, and twice she's kicked my ass without even tensing a muscle. And I haven't been able to figure out ... what she is, or anything about her except that she wants the key, which I have, and I can't even figure out if it's okay for me to tell anyone that. GILES: Buffy, no one could have done any better than you. BUFFY: But no one else is gonna be asked the questions that I can't answer. (getting agitated) They're gonna expect me to ... to be like a Slayer and, and know stuff, but I'm just me and I don't know anything, and they're gonna go away, and they're not gonna tell me how to fight Glory, and I'm not gonna be able to protect Dawn. GILES: Buffy, calm down. The scandal here is not anything you've done wrong, it's the way they're behaving. Holding what they know hostage with a g*n pointed at my bleeding green card, no less. (sighs) It's humiliating. BUFFY: Also smart. They picked the perfect thing. I can't lose you. GILES: (softly) Thank you. BUFFY: (sighs) I guess I should be getting ready. What do you think it'll be like, I mean, how do you think they'll start? Cut to: Anya sitting next to Xander in Xander's apartment. ANYA: Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, twenty years old. Born on the fourth of July, and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say, when I was younger, and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now. We see Philip sitting across the table from them, and Watcher #4 standing in the background. PHILIP: (taking notes) So, you spell it A-N-Y-A, yes? ANYA: Yes. PHILIP: Fine, now we can get to the questions. Cut to: Willow and Tara's room. Willow and Tara sit on the bed side-by-side. Nigel stands before them with a notebook. WILLOW: Questions, great. TARA: Well, we can answer questions. NIGEL: Good. I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me. TARA: O-o-our relationship? WILLOW: We're friends. TARA: Good friends. WILLOW: Girlfriends, actually. TARA: Yes, we're girlfriends. WILLOW: We're in love. We're ... lovers. (puts hand on Tara's knee) We're lesbian, gay-type lovers. NIGEL: I meant your relationship with the Slayer. Both girls look embarrassed. Willow removes her hand from Tara's knee. TARA: Um, just good friends. Cut back to Xander/Anya interrogation. XANDER: *Best* friends. Willow and me and Buffy. The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols, and uh, done demon research with her and everything. PHILIP: Have you mastered any fighting disciplines over the years? XANDER: No. PHILIP: So, you have no special skills, or powers, or knowledge that you bring to the mix. Neither of you. ANYA: Just enthusiasm for k*lling the demons. Go deadness for the demons. XANDER: I don't have any powers, but I do help. PHILIP: How? Be specific. XANDER: Last year, uh, Willow, Giles and me combined our essences with Buffy, which isn't as weird as it sounds. (laughs nervously) We merged, and I was the heart part of a super-Buffy. Again, let me stress the not-as-weird thing. ANYA: I'm told it was all very professional. NIGEL VOICEOVER: Are you saying that the Slayer needs that level of help from you often? Cut back to Willow/Tara interrogation. WILLOW: No, no, she doesn't need help. TARA: She'd be fine without us. Sometimes she goes off and does stuff without even telling us. WILLOW: Not that she's like a, a weird loner or anything. TARA: I'm not sure we're saying this right. WILLOW: See, here's the thing. We, we can help because we do magicks. I'm working on this ball of sunshine thing. See, I have this theory. TARA: It's very cool. WILLOW: A-and if it works, easier slaying for Buffy. Not that it's hard for her now! NIGEL: Interesting. What level are you at? TARA: Level? NIGEL: Magical proficiency level? WILLOW: Oh! Uh, high, a high level. Very high. One of those ... top levels. TARA: Five! Nigel writes this down as Willow and Tara give each other anxious looks. Willow mouths, "five?" and Tara shrugs. NIGEL: And you're registered as practicing witches under the names as you gave them to me? TARA: R-registered? WILLOW: Oh yes! Yes, of course we're- TARA: ...r-r-registered. (nodding) Cut back to Xander/Anya interrogation. PHILIP: Do either of you know anything about the key? ANYA: Nope, but it sounds demony to me. I don't hold with that demon nonsense. (picks up a basket of muffins and holds it toward Philip) Muffin? I cooked them myself. PHILIP: (gestures to indicate "no thanks") So, Buffy sometimes protects you from the dangerous elements of her work. XANDER: Yes. She's saved my life lots of times. The vampires in this town hate her. Cut to: Spike's crypt. Spike staring at someone. WATCHER #2: (OS) But we understand that you *help* the Slayer. We see that Spike is being interrogated by Watcher #2 while the other two nameless male Watchers stand between her and Spike. One of the men holds a cross, the other a crossbow. SPIKE: I pitch in when she pays me. WATCHER2: She pays you? She gives you money? SPIKE: Money, a little nip of blood out of some stray victim, whatever. WATCHER2: Blood? SPIKE: Well, if they're gonna die anyway. (considers) Come to think of it, though, that's a bit scandalous, isn't it? Personally, I'm shocked. The girl's slipping. WATCHER2: You've noticed a decline in her work? SPIKE: Oh, yeah. See, the poor little twig can't keep a man. Gets her all down. Few more disappointments, she'll be cryin' on my shoulder, mark my words. WATCHER2: (frowns) Is that what you want? I'd think you'd want to k*ll her. You've k*lled Slayers before. SPIKE: (intrigued) Heard of me, have you? He walks a little closer. The two male Watchers shift nervously and hold up their w*apon. WATCHER2: (embarrassed smile) I ... wrote my thesis on you. SPIKE: (grins) Well, well. Isn't that neat. (stops smiling) Tell me, pet, now we're such good friends, how's the Slayer doing? Is she okay? High marks in all categories? TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Agility, clarity, stamina and strength- Cut to the workout room in the back of the magic shop. Nigel is tying a blindfold around Buffy's head. Giles and the other Watchers are standing around. TRAVERS: ...these are the qualities that the Slayer must possess to do her job. BUFFY: What came after agility? GILES: If you want her to att*ck the dummy- TRAVERS: No, no. Philip will att*ck the dummy. (We see Philip standing next to the dummy, wearing a karate robe) The Slayer's job is to protect it. Do you understand? BUFFY: Protect the dummy. TRAVERS: As if it were precious. Now, getting the best of Philip will require agility. Listening to my instructions at the same time, that will demonstrate clarity. And stamina and strength will win the long fight. Good luck. BUFFY: Instructions? TRAVERS: Yeah, I'll be telling you what to do, how to counter Philip's att*ck. We assume you're familiar with the Japanese names for aikido and jiu-jitsu moves. BUFFY: Japanese? WATCHER2: (clicking a stopwatch) And, go! BUFFY: Whoa, hold on a second. We uh, you know in America, we usually just work our way up to "go." Philip bows toward Buffy. He's holding a short axe. TRAVERS: (speaks Japanese) BUFFY: Huh? GILES: He wants you to bow. Take a bow. BUFFY: Oh. (bows) Philip circles around her. Buffy follows his movements. He thrusts at the dummy and Buffy blocks. Then she kicks at him and misses. She spins around and blocks his overhead punch. TRAVERS: (Japanese) Philip punches Buffy in the face. GILES: Punch him. BUFFY: Thanks, Giles. GILES: Sorry. TRAVERS: (Japanese) GILES: Uh...back kick, elbow- Buffy back-kicks and Philip moves out of the way. She thrusts with her elbow and he avoids it. GILES: ...elbow...strike. TRAVERS: How have you been training her? GILES: I've trained her to win. Buffy looks annoyed. BUFFY: You know what? I'm gonna have to do it my way, guys. Philip swings the w*apon and she ducks. He lifts it for an overhead blow and Buffy grabs the handle, kicks him in the stomach, forces him back against the training horse and elbows him in the face. He tumbles backward over the horse, losing his grip on the w*apon. The momentum pulls it out of Buffy's hands and it flies backward to land in the dummy's chest, knocking the dummy backward into Nigel. He falls to the floor with the dummy on top of him. Buffy turns around, pulling the blindfold off. Watcher #2 kneels by Nigel and clicks the stopwatch. BUFFY: Uh-oh. The others help Philip up. PHILIP: I think she just broke my rib. TRAVERS: Yes, well. BUFFY: I didn't mean to. Um, you know, I, I can do better. I think I might be getting this, like, inner ear thing, and so maybe, maybe if I got a note, I, I could try again. TRAVERS: No, that's all right, I don't think we need to see any more physical tests for a while. We can move on to the real review. Look into your strategies, plans ... figure out what's going on in that head. BUFFY: (unhappily) Good. Head stuff. TRAVERS: We start at seven tonight. Give you time to, uh ... (looks from Buffy to Giles) well, however you prepare. The Watchers leave. Buffy and Giles look glum. Cut to: Buffy entering the Summers home. BUFFY: (puts down her bag, calling) Mom? She walks toward the living room. As she rounds the corner, she comes face-to-face with Glory. GLORY: Long day, sweetie? Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on Buffy looking apprehensively at Glory as Glory checks out the living room. GLORY: So ... this is where the Slayer eats, sleeps, and (runs her finger through the dust on a side table) ...combs her hair? Oh... (picks up a photo) so cute. (Holds it up for Buffy to see, then puts it down) I can't even stand it. Personally? I need more space, but uh, this is good for you, it's, it's so quaint, and... As Glory is speaking with her back to Buffy, Buffy moves across the room to the fireplace and picks up a poker. When she straightens up, Glory is right behind her. GLORY: Buffy... (takes the poker) If I wanted to fight, you could tell by the being d*ad already. (goes to sit in an armchair, giggles) So play nice, little girl. BUFFY: What do you want? GLORY: The key. Why else do you think I'd come here? See, (points poker at Buffy) I think you knew where it is. And that's a good thing. BUFFY: I'm glad you think so. GLORY: Well, it's the only thing keeping you alive right now. Because you may be tiny queen in vampire world... Dawn enters behind Glory. Buffy looks at Dawn in alarm, tries not to let Glory see her looking. GLORY: ...but to me, you're a bug. You should get down on your knees and worship me! Dawn walks closer. Buffy widens her eyes to signal Dawn to go away. GLORY: But oh, no, you still think it's neat having Slayer strength. (Dawn mouths "What?" at Buffy) Ooh, big deal! Stronger than humans! (Dawn begins to back away) Who isn't? I could crush the life from you as easy as you'd break a nail. But I need the key. Dawn has reached the stairs. She begins to turn away. GLORY: Kid! Dawn stops. Buffy looks alarmed. GLORY: Come here a sec. BUFFY: Leave her out of this. GLORY: Not asking twice. Dawn approaches, still behind Glory and out of her line of sight. BUFFY: This is between you and me. GLORY: No. This is between me and my key. You just happen to be the thing in the way. Glory lifts her hand over her head and snaps her fingers. Dawn walks into her view, folds her arms over her chest sullenly. GLORY: And you are just the darlin'-est thing I ever did see in my life. What's your name, honey? DAWN: Dawn. GLORY: Dawn? Did you know your sister took my key, Dawnie? And she won't give it back! I bet you know where she put it, don't you? BUFFY: She doesn't know anything. DAWN: (looks at Buffy, annoyed) I know some stuff. GLORY: I bet she takes your stuff all the time without asking, doesn't she? Where's my key, Dawn? BUFFY: Go upstairs, Dawn. DAWN: (angrily, to Buffy) You're always talking about stuff I'm not supposed to hear. (Glory looks interested) I'm gonna figure it out, you know. Dawn leaves. GLORY: (grins) Ooh, I like her. She's sassy. (pauses, gets serious) And I'll k*ll her. I'll k*ll your mom, I'll k*ll your friends ... and I'll make you watch when I do. (sighs) Just give me the key. You either have it or you know where to find it. (stands up) Obviously, this is a one-time-only deal. Next time we meet, something you love dies bloody. You know you can't take me. You know you can't stop me. She drops the poker on the floor and leaves. Buffy watches her go with a grim expression. Joyce enters. JOYCE: Buffy, who was that? BUFFY: Pack a bag. Cut to Spike asleep in his crypt. A ray of sunshine falls on his face as the door opens. He screams and jumps up to find Buffy standing beside his "bed." SPIKE: (sarcastically) Oh, it's the Slayer. For a second there I was worried. He starts to rub his eyes sleepily, pauses and looks over at the other end of the crypt. sh*t of Dawn and Joyce standing by the door. SPIKE: (surprised) So, what's with the family outing? BUFFY: (quietly, walking up close to him) I need your help. SPIKE: Great. I need your cash. BUFFY: I'm serious. (even more quietly) You have to look after them. SPIKE: Well, that's a boatload of manly responsibility to come flying out of nowhere. What's the matter, Slayer? You're not feeling a hundred percent? BUFFY: (frowns) No. SPIKE: (frowns) They didn't put a chip in your head, did they? BUFFY: No! SPIKE: Be funny if they did. BUFFY: (annoyed) Spike, I need an answer. Now. In or out? (quietly) You're the only one strong enough to protect them. SPIKE: (looks at her for a moment) All right then. (calls to Joyce and Dawn) Ladies... (walks toward them; Buffy follows) Come on in. There's plenty of blood in the fridge. DAWN: Do you mean like, real blood? SPIKE: What do you think? DAWN: Mostly I think "ew." BUFFY: (to Joyce) Keep Dawn here as long as you can. I'll be back soon. JOYCE: Okay. BUFFY: (walks over to Spike) I don't think I need to remind you, but- SPIKE: Yeah, yeah, "anything happens to 'em I'll stake you good and proper." Sing me a new one sometime, eh? That bit's gone stale. Buffy leaves. Spike, Dawn, and Joyce stand around looking uncomfortable. JOYCE: I, I love what you've, um, neglected to do with the place. SPIKE: Just don't break anything. (goes to turn on the TV) And don't make a lot of noise. Passions is coming on. JOYCE: (comes forward) Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really d*ad? SPIKE: Oh! (gestures to his armchair. He and Joyce each sit on one arm) No, no, she can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for god's sake. JOYCE: Uh, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that. Dawn makes an exasperated face, walks off. Cut to magic shop, night. The Watchers are walking around, looking at books, moving stuff around. Giles sits in a chair by the table. Anya, Xander, Willow, and Tara sit on the balcony above, looking down. Their feet dangle in the air and they lean against the railing watching the Watchers. XANDER: Look at them. Big tough Council members pickin' on the books. WILLOW: Fascists. TARA: Why doesn't Mr. Giles put them all out of here? XANDER: Because if they deport him, they're not just destroying his career, they're ... condemning the man to a lifetime diet of blood sausage, bangers, and mash. Cut to below. Travers walks over to where Giles is sitting. TRAVERS: Well, your Slayer's twenty minutes late and counting, Rupert. GILES: Buffy will be here, I assure you. TRAVERS: (chuckles) Yes, but when? Cut to: Buffy walking through a dark alley. She looks at her watch. BUFFY: Crap. She walks faster. Suddenly someone appears from behind a trash can and grabs her around the waist, pulling her down to the ground. They both get up. It's a person in medieval armor with chain-mail covering his face. He backhands Buffy, she spins around and flies into a pile of garbage. As she straightens up, two more knights appear. The first one has a sword, the other two have metal staves. They circle around Buffy, twirling their w*apon. BUFFY: Uh ... guys? A-any way we could ... not do this? Overhead sh*t of the three knights circling her. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the same scene. The knight with the sword swings. Buffy ducks. She spins and punches him, ducks a staff thrust, kicks the other staff, ducks again, kicks the first staff-holder in the stomach. Ducks another swing, kicks the second staff guy twice. Ducks a swing from sword guy, blocks a punch, punches him in the face while holding his sword arm. Kicks him back, grabs the staff of another and pushes him away. Deflects the other staff holder. Then she does two back-flips that carry her over the two staves, grabs one staff and thrusts it into that knight's stomach, deflects a sword thrust with it, kicks the sword guy in the stomach. Jabs the staff into disarmed knight's stomach again, ducks a thrust from the other staff, kicks that knight so he goes spinning away. Buffy and the disarmed knight grapple for his staff, finally she hits him in the face with it. He goes down. She drops her staff and blocks an overhand sword thrust, punches the sword holder and he goes down. Buffy kicks the other staff holder away, picks up the staff again and faces off with the sword holder. Buffy knocks the sword out of the knight's hand and pushes him to the ground, jumping on top of him and holding the staff to his throat. BUFFY: Okay. Let's see what you are. She removes the chain-mail mask to reveal an ordinary-looking human man with a symbol on his forehead. BUFFY: Or who you are. KNIGHT: One soldier in a vast army. BUFFY: What army? KNIGHT: The Knights of Byzantium, an ancient order. And now your enemy. BUFFY: (pushes the staff harder into his throat) You work for Glory? KNIGHT: You think we align ourselves with the beast? You must be mad. BUFFY: You're the ones tried k*lling me. KNIGHT: No, we were fools, three alone. But if it takes a hundred men, we send a hundred men, and if it takes a thousand, we send a thousand. BUFFY: A thousand? KNIGHT: So long as you protect the key, the brotherhood will never stop until we destroy it and you. You are the Slayer, and we know what we must do. Now, be done with it. k*ll us, and let legions follow. Buffy shoves the staff into his throat again, then tosses it aside, gets up and picks up the sword. The knight gets to his feet, and she puts the sword to his throat. He turns his head away waiting for the k*ll stroke. BUFFY: Go. The knight looks surprised, edges around her and leaves. Buffy stares at the sword. Cut to: Buffy entering the magic shop, still holding the sword. Pan across all the Watchers standing there, the four Slayerettes still sitting on the upper level, and Travers sitting at the table with a pile of papers spread out in front of him. Giles sits on the stairs leading up to the balcony. TRAVERS: You're late. BUFFY: Yeah. GILES: (sees the sword, gets up) Was, was there an att*ck? BUFFY: Yeah. TRAVERS: We can begin the review at last. We'll, uh, skip the more obvious questions... Buffy puts the sword down on his papers. BUFFY: There isn't gonna be a review. TRAVERS: Sorry? BUFFY: No review. No interrogation. No questions you *know* I can't answer. No hoops, no jumps - (Nigel starts to speak) and no interruptions. Nigel shuts up. Buffy looks around, begins to pace. BUFFY: See ... I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. (looks Travers in the eye) Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them. Buffy moves back to the table, removing her coat. BUFFY: Glory ... came to my home today. GILES: (alarmed) Buffy, are you- BUFFY: (puts her coat on a chair) Just to talk. (resumes pacing) She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. (stops, looks at Travers again) Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? (pauses) Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. Buffy looks around, hands on her hips. She walks the floor, looking from one Watcher to the next as she talks. BUFFY: You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning. NIGEL: This is beyond insolence- Buffy grabs the sword from the table and throws it across the room in a single movement. It flies point-first into the wall directly in front of Nigel's nose. He jumps back looking shocked. BUFFY: (clears throat) I'm fairly certain I said no interruptions. XANDER: (whispers) That was excellent! Willow and Tara grin. BUFFY: You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the "Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal." (Pauses, addresses Travers again) So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. (resumes pacing) You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary... GILES: (coughing) Retroactive. BUFFY: ...to be paid retroactively from the month he was fired. I will continue my work with the help of my friends... WATCHER2: I, uh, I ... don't want a sword thrown at me, but, but, civilians, I - we're talking about children. BUFFY: (looks up at her friends on the balcony) We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon. ANYA: Willow's a demon?! PHILIP: The boy? No power there. BUFFY: The boy has clocked more field time than all of you combined. He's part of the unit. WILLOW: (whispers to Xander) That's Riley-speak. XANDER: (whispers back, with a big grin) I've clocked field time. BUFFY: Now. (addresses the Watchers) You all may be very good at your jobs. The only way we're gonna find out is if you work with me. You can all take your time thinking about that. (turns back to Travers) But I want an answer right now from Quinton, 'cause I think he's understanding me. TRAVERS: (clears throat) Uh, your terms are acceptable. Giles smiles hugely. The Slayerettes burst into cheers and applause, but quickly stop, looking embarrassed. Buffy looks up at them, looks at Giles. She doesn't smile, but looks satisfied. She sits across from Travers. BUFFY: See? No biggie. TRAVERS: (nods) Uh, Rupert. GILES: Quinton? TRAVERS: When we inventoried your shop, we found a bottle of single malt scotch behind the, uh, incense holders. GILES: Well, it's, it's not, you know, during working hours. TRAVERS: I think I could use a glass. GILES: Well, I suppose we could- (starts to move away) BUFFY: (gets up) Just a minute. (Giles stops) Glory. I wanna know. TRAVERS: Well, there's a lot to go through. BUFFY: Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. TRAVERS: Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon. BUFFY: What is she? TRAVERS: She's a god. BUFFY: (long pause, eyes widen) Oh. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x12 - Checkpoint"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Monks running in fear. Monk talking to Buffy. MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human... Monks chanting. MONK: ...and sent it to you. Dawn looking sullen. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. Glory talking to Dawn in "Checkpoint." GLORY: Did you know your sister took my key, Dawnie? And she won't give it back! I bet you know where she put it, don't you? BUFFY: She doesn't know anything. Buffy kneeling on top of the knight (Orlando), pulling off his mask. BUFFY: Okay, let's see who you are. ORLANDO: The Knights of Byzantium, an ancient order. And now your enemy. So long as you protect the key, the brotherhood will never stop until we destroy it and you. SPIKE: Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey. Spike in Buffy's darkened bedroom in "Into the Woods." Buffy asleep. RILEY VOICEOVER: Because you are. SPIKE: Well ... yeah. Buffy in the magic shop in "Checkpoint." BUFFY: Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. QUINTON TRAVERS: Glory isn't a demon. BUFFY: What is she? TRAVERS: She's a god. Episode begins: Buffy sitting in the magic shop. BUFFY: Look, I know Mom wants to gather and make with the merry tomorrow night, but with everything that's going on... Willow walks up behind Buffy. WILLOW: This is exactly what you need. (Sits next to Buffy. We see Tara sitting on Willow's other side) A 20th birthday party with, with, with presents, and funny hats, and, and those candles that don't blow out... (whispers to Tara) Those used to scare me. TARA: Me too. BUFFY: I just don't think this is the best time to break out the party pinata. We need to stay focused if we're gonna find a way to stop Glory. We see Xander and Anya sitting on Buffy's other side. XANDER: We're going up against a god. An actual mightier-than-thou god. WILLOW: Well, you know what they say, the bigger they are- ANYA: The faster they stomp you into nothing. Everyone looks at her. We see Giles sitting between Buffy and Xander, looking through books and papers. BUFFY: She's right. I've thrown everything I've got at her and she just shrugs it off. WILLOW: Then we have to find something heavier to throw. GILES: That might pose some difficulty. From what the Council's been able to discover from the book of Tarnis and, and, and other sources, Glory and two of her fellow hellgods ruled over ... one of the more seriously unpleasant demon dimensions. TARA: There's more than one? ANYA: Oh, there are thousands of demon dimensions. All different. GILES: All pushing on the edges of our reality, trying to find a way in. BUFFY: I guess Glory found one. The question is, why? GILES: There's nothing to indicate that here. Just ... vague references to ... chaos and destruction. (Sound of teakettle whistling. Giles gets up to get it.) BUFFY: Okay, so, we know where Glory's from. What do we know about her? You know, she's tough, yeah, but, but no bolts of lightning, no blasts of f*re, shouldn't a god be able to do that kind of stuff? GILES: (pouring tea) Uh, usually, yes, but um, being in human form must be severely limiting her powers. All we have to worry about right now is she's immortal, invulnerable, and insane. XANDER: A *crazy* hellgod? And the fun just keeps on leaving. GILES: From what I've been able to gather, her living in this world is ... seriously affecting her mental state as well. She's only being able to keep her mind intact by, uh, extracting energy from us. Well, from, from the human brain. TARA: She, she, she's a brain-sucker? (Willow and Tara exchange a look) GILES: She, um ... (leans over to read from book) "absorbs the energies that bind the human mind into a cohesive whole." Once drained, all that's left behind is, uh- BUFFY: Crazy people. GILES: (pouring more tea) Which is, I'm afraid, why there's been a marked increase in the ranks of the ment*lly unstable here in Sunnydale. TARA: At least vampires just k*ll you. BUFFY: (gets up) We have to find a way to stop her. WILLOW: Oh, well, Tara and I can work on some tactical spells. (Giles hands Buffy a cup of tea) ANYA: I can do some research. I know *way* more about demon dimensions than Giles does. (Giles frowns) Well, I do. XANDER: This is great long-term plan-y stuff, but what about this ... key thingy Glory's looking for? Buffy and Giles both standing, sipping tea, exchanging a look. TARA: (OS) Yeah, I mean, shouldn't we be trying to find it before she does? BUFFY: I don't think that's what we should be worrying about right now. (Giles sits) WILLOW: They've got a point. Whatever Glory's planning on opening with the key, I'm guessing it won't be filled with candy and flowers. XANDER: So where should we start looking? Do we know where it used to be kept? Who saw it last? BUFFY: We did. Giles and me. We, we know where it is. XANDER: You what? WILLOW: You know, and you didn't tell us? GILES: There were ... reasons. BUFFY: Look, i-if Glory knew that you guys knew where it was, I ... (sits) I-I just didn't wanna put you in that kind of danger. XANDER: (annoyed) As opposed to the other kind we're always in? WILLOW: You should have said something. BUFFY: Will, there- (pauses) You're right. (to Giles) It's time. GILES: Are you sure? BUFFY: If they're gonna be risking their lives, they deserve to know. XANDER: Know what? Buffy looks at her friends. They look at her. BUFFY: There's something that you need to know ... about Dawn. Cut to: graveyard, night. The knight from "Checkpoint" (Orlando) holding a sword. ORLANDO: The link must be severed. Such is the will of God. We see two other knights standing with him, also holding swords. They all chant in unison. KNIGHTS: The key is the link. The link must be severed. Such is the will of God. The key is the link. The link must be severed. Such is the will of God. JINX: You really think *he* is going to help you? The knights draw their swords and turn to see Jinx, Dreg, and another demon who looks like them, each holding an axe. JINX: I fear your faith is gravely misplaced. The demons att*ck. The fight is brief; two of the demons are defeated. Only Jinx is left. He cowers and tries to back away as Orlando advances, but Jinx trips over something and falls on his butt. Orlando stands over him and lifts his sword high. ORLANDO: Shall we test your faith now? He starts to s*ab downward. Jinx cringes. A hand appears and grabs the sword's blade. GLORY: Never send a minion to do a god's work. She backhands Orlando, who goes flying backward, losing his grip on the sword. He crawls toward it on the ground as Glory beats up the other two knights. She s*ab one knight with his own sword, then uses it to k*ll the other as well. She drops the sword and walks toward where Orlando is still trying to reach his sword. GLORY: Hey, nice sword. (Picks it up and points it at his face) Bet it hurts. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Steven S. DeKnight, directed by Michael Gershman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on Willow and Tara outside the magic shop, daylight. They are drawing symbols on the ground with colored sand. Dawn walks up. DAWN: You guys doin' a spell? WILLOW: Dawn, hey. Y-yeah, we're doing an early warning incantation. If anything hellgodishly powerful comes within a hundred feet of the shop, then screechy siren things will, you know, screech. TARA: This should give us a heads-up so we can hide ... the, um, key. WILLOW: We already put one up around your house. DAWN: Cool, can I help? Willow and Tara exchange a look. WILLOW: Well, I don't think Buffy would like the, uh, black arts bumpin' auras with the littlest Summers. DAWN: (nods resignedly) Yeah, whatever. (Goes into the shop) TARA: (quietly) How can she not be real? WILLOW: She's real, she's just ... kinda ... new. Willow throws a last handful of dust down; the symbols all flash brightly and disappear. Cut to inside magic shop. Dawn enters. Anya is dusting something while Xander sits at the table reading. DAWN: Hey. We on the case? XANDER: Yeah. Right on top, perched, ready for action. (Anya looks uncomfortable) How's my sweet fancy Dawn doing? Xander reaches over to tickle Dawn's stomach. She giggles and tries to fight him off. DAWN: (laughing) Fine. What's up with you? (Xander stops tickling) Did you get into the sugar again? ANYA: (loud fake cheerful tone) You make a very pretty little girl! Xander jumps up. XANDER: (same fake tone) Anya, you wanna help me with that thing? ANYA: (same fake tone, with fake smile and fake laugh) Xander needs help with his thing! They walk off. Dawn looks annoyed. GILES: I'm not sure our regular workout is ... challenging you any more. Perhaps we should make it harder. Giles and Buffy walk in from the back room. Buffy holds a bottle of water. Giles is writing in a small book. BUFFY: You always think harder is better. Maybe next time I patrol I should carry a load of bricks, use a stake made of butter. GILES: Very amusing. They walk over to the counter, where Dawn is standing, with a notebook lying open on the counter. Giles puts his book down on the counter also. GILES: I'm sure Dawn feels that way about her schoolwork sometimes. BUFFY: That true? How was school today? DAWN: Um, the usual. Big square building filled with boredom and despair. BUFFY: (OS) Just how I remember it. Giles closes his book, slides it off the counter and out of sight. BUFFY: So, what's the homework sitch? DAWN: We have to imagine what we'll be like ten years from now and write a letter to our future self. The teacher's clearly so out of ideas. (Giles closes a drawer behind the counter) Wanna help? BUFFY: Maybe later. I have some stuff I have to do first. Giles moves his hands away from the drawer. Dawn looks over at him, then back at Buffy. DAWN: Is it about that weird girl that came to the house? BUFFY: Glory. And no it's not. DAWN: Like you'd tell me anyway. Dawn's too young and Dawn's too delicate. BUFFY: Right. A young delicate pain in my butt. DAWN: I just think you're freakin' out 'cause you have to fight someone prettier than you. That is the case, right? Buffy walks closer to her. BUFFY: (softly) Glory is evil. And powerful. (normal tone) And in no way prettier than me. DAWN: I just think you're getting soft in your advanced age. She didn't look that tough to me. (Smirks) Cut to: Glory in her apartment, talking to Orlando. His face is bloody. GLORY: Okay. One more time. (circles around behind him) Just between me and you. Our itsy-bitsy little secret. (comes back to the front, grabs his face) Where ... is ... the key? ORLANDO: Even if I knew, I'd die a thousand deaths before I'd tell you. GLORY: (annoyed) Well, you won't need a thousand, sweetie. (pats his cheek, turns away) I'll make the first one last. Long time. She walks a few steps away. She's holding his sword. She turns back and shakes her head. GLORY: What is it with you religious types? (gasps, smiles. Throws the sword aside and goes back to him) It's intimacy, isn't it? She grabs his face, runs her hands down his chest. GLORY: Oh! You're just scared of letting someone in! (circles around him, hugging him and rubbing his chest) Shh, shh, shh. It's okay. I know how difficult the first time can be. You don't have to be afraid. (gets back to the front, puts her face right next to his) Just relax. You may not have the info I want ... but you still got something I need. She slides her fingers into his head. Light streams out of the holes. Orlando screams. Cut to: huge pile of brightly wrapped gifts. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Prezzies! Pull out to reveal the Summers living room. Joyce and Dawn on one couch, Buffy on the other, on either side of the coffee-table laden with presents. Xander, Giles, Tara, Anya, and Willow stand around. Tara and Xander hold gifts. Willow wears a party hat and holds a bottle of bubble-bl*wing liquid. WILLOW: See, just what you needed. (Blows bubbles) BUFFY: You are very, very wise. Now gimme, gimme, gimme! (Tara hands her a gift. Buffy begins ripping off the paper.) ANYA: This is extremely suspenseful! I want the presents. Buffy pulls out a dress. BUFFY: Ohh ... it's beautiful. Thank you, guys. TARA: Well, we thought you'd get lots of crossbows, other killy stuff. WILLOW: Yeah, so we figured, less killy, more frilly. ANYA: Gotta look. (Grabs the dress from Buffy) Oh, it's just so lovely! Oh, I wish it was mine! Everyone gives her a look. ANYA: (quietly) Oh, like you weren't all thinking the same thing. (puts the dress down) GILES: I'm fairly certain I wasn't. (whispers to Xander) I've got one just like it. DAWN: (gets up) Here. Open mine. (Gives gift to Buffy) BUFFY: It's not gonna explode, is it? She opens it and removes a photo of herself and Dawn, in a frame covered with seashells. DAWN: It's when we visited Dad that summer in San Diego. (Buffy staring at it) Um, I put the shells on it myself. We picked them off the beach. BUFFY: (softly) I remember. Joyce smiles. Everyone else looks thoughtful. Dawn looks uncomfortable. DAWN: Well, geez, don't get all movie-of-the-week. I was just too cheap to buy a real present. BUFFY: Thank you. Buffy gets up and hugs Dawn. Buffy and Joyce exchange a look over Dawn's shoulder. Cut to later. Joyce, Buffy, and Giles in the kitchen. Giles pouring a glass of wine. Buffy pouring a glass of water from a pitcher. JOYCE: It still seems to me like there's a lot you don't know about this. I mean, is she dangerous? BUFFY: No. GILES: Well, now, wait just a second. (Camera pans across to the doorway. We see Dawn in the dining room, looking down the hallway, listening in.) I assume you're talking about her existence rather than her intentions. Buffy looks down the hall, sees Dawn. JOYCE: Exactly. BUFFY: (calls) Dawn? What are you doing in there? Party gettin' slow? DAWN: Uh, (picks up a stack of plates from dining-room table) we need plates. Cake time. She walks off. Buffy smiles nervously. Cut to living room. Tara and Willow are preparing the cake. Xander and Anya stand in the doorway kissing. As Dawn walks in, Anya pushes Xander away; Willow and Tara stop what they're doing. Dawn puts plates on the table next to the cake, smiling. She stops smiling when she sees Tara's face, then turns around to look at Xander and Anya. DAWN: Why does everybody start acting all weird when I'm around? XANDER: Me? Me not weird. Tara looks worried. Willow licks frosting off a birthday-cake candle. DAWN: I'm not an idiot. I know you're talking about me. XANDER: No, no, we really weren't. ANYA: (fake voice) We were talking about sex. Buffy, Joyce, and Giles enter. DAWN: (to Joyce) They were talking about me, just like everybody is. XANDER: Again, not so much. In fact, none. ANYA: We were talking about sex. I mean, you know us, sometimes we like to pretend stuff- JOYCE: Um... XANDER: Anya! ANYA: You know, like, say there's a fireman, or a shepherd- BUFFY: You know what? Let's not have this exchange of images right now. DAWN: Oh. Right. Of course. Can't let Dawn hear anything. (angry) Fine. I'm just gonna go to bed. That way I won't accidentally get exposed to, like, words. She storms out. Everyone looks unhappy. WILLOW: (holds up a piece of cake on a plate) Cake? Cut to: Dawn storming into her bedroom, slamming the door. She leans against the wall and looks sullen. Cut to: exterior of the house. Dawn climbs out her window and down the trellis, climbs from the trellis onto the back porch. The curtains are drawn; we can see the shadows of the others moving inside the house. Dawn goes down the back stairs, watching the windows, and turns around to find Spike standing right behind her. He has something under his arm and a cigarette in his mouth. Dawn gives a little yelp of surprise. DAWN: Geez! Lurk much? SPIKE: I wasn't lurking. I was standing about. It's a whole different vibe. DAWN: What is- (looks at the thing under his arm. Folds her arms and smirks) Are you giving Buffy a birthday present? (Spike looks at the box) Oh my god. Weird. And chocolates? Lame. And the box is all bent, and, well, you know she'd never touch anything from you anyway. SPIKE: (leans closer to her, speaks menacingly) Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye? All warm and safe where nothing can eat you? DAWN: (giggles) Is that supposed to scare me? SPIKE: (sighs, leans back) Little tremble wouldn't hurt. DAWN: Sorry, it's just ... come on. *I'm* badder than you. SPIKE: (insulted) Are not! DAWN: Am too. You're standing in the bushes hugging a bent box of chocolates, and I'm- SPIKE: What? Sneaking out to braid hair and watch Teletubbies with your mates? DAWN: No. (softly, looking back at the house) I'm breaking into the magic shop ... (boastfully) to steal things. SPIKE: (frowns) Magic shop, eh? (looks over his shoulder; thoughtfully) All number of beasties between here and there. (Dawn looks a little nervous) Bet they'd really go for a little red riding hood like you. Bet that wouldn't sit too well with big sister. DAWN: (uncertain) I can take care of myself. Spike just looks at her. She looks around, anxious. DAWN: You wanna come steal some stuff? SPIKE: Yeah, all right. Dawn nods. They walk off. Cut to: exterior magic shop, night. Dawn stands by the door holding the chocolates while Spike kneels, trying to pick the lock. DAWN: Do you know how to do that or not? SPIKE: Give us a sec. I usually just (gestures) burst through doors. The door finally opens. SPIKE: That's right! (Stands up, gives Dawn his best smug smirk) Who's bad now? They enter. SPIKE: Girl with a mission, eh? (Dawn turns on a flashlight) What's the caper? Jewels? Ancient artifacts? Or just plain hard cash liberated from the till? DAWN: A book. SPIKE: All this for a book? Dawn walks confidently to the counter, puts down the chocolates and goes behind the counter. DAWN: I don't want the book. Just what's inside. I think it was Giles' notes. (Shines the flashlight around as Spike examines the stuff on the counter) He was standing here, and when I turned around it was gone. She begins feeling under the counter. Spike takes something off the counter and puts it in his pocket. Dawn finds the hidden drawer and pulls it open, revealing the book. She smiles in triumph. Cut to later. SPIKE: Where did he learn to write so bloody small, from a fruit fly? We see Dawn and Spike sitting on the floor, three candles lit in front of them. Dawn reading the book. Spike's cigarette is mostly ash. DAWN: Wait, here's something. Uh, "Tarnis, 12th century. One of the founders of the monks of the order of Dagon." (Spike stands up) "Their sole purpose appears to have been as protectors of the key." SPIKE: (scoffs) Brown-robe types are always protecting something. It's the only way they can justify giving up girls. (He looks around, spots Olaf's hammer from "Triangle" in a display case) Hey! Troll hammer. Spike tries to pick it up but it's too heavy. It falls to the floor with a clang. He glances over to see if Dawn noticed. She has her back to him. SPIKE: Didn't go with my stuff anyway. He continues looking around at the shelves, looking bored, as Dawn reads. DAWN: "The key is not directly described in any known literature, but all research indicates an energy matrix vibrating at a dimensional frequency beyond normal human perception. Only those outside reality can see the key's true nature." (shakes head) Outside reality. What's that mean? SPIKE: Mm. Second-sight blokes, mostly. (Puts out his cigarette in an item on the shelf) Or even just your run-of-the-mill lunatics. He resumes his seat beside Dawn as she begins to get an expression of revelation. Flash to hospital in "Listening to Fear." CRAZY SECURITY GUARD: There! (points at a scared Dawn) There's no one in there. Flash to outside magic shop in "The Real Me." CRAZY GUY: I know what you are. Back to Dawn looking thoughtful. SPIKE: What else does it say about this key? Is it made out of gold? Maybe we can hock it, split the take. DAWN: Um, (reads) "The key is also susceptible to necromanced animal detection, particularly those of canine or serpent construct." Flash to the snake creature slithering across the floor in "Shadow." Dawn screaming as it rears up above her. The creature's eyes flashing red. Back to Dawn holding the book, pondering. Spike reaches over and takes the book from her. SPIKE: (frowns at book) "The monks possessed the ability to transform energy, bend reality." Blah, blah, blah. (looks at Dawn) Good lord, Giles writes as dull as he talks, doesn't he? (back to book) "They started work. But the Council ... has suggested ... to us that they were interrupted. Presumably by ... Glory." (Dawn continues staring into the distance as she listens) "They obviously did manage to accomplish the taste..." (looks closer) "accomplish the task. They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her ... in human form. In the form of a sister." Zoom in on Dawn's shocked expression. Spike frowns, looks over at her. SPIKE: Huh! I guess that's you, nibblet. sh*t of Dawn continuing to react. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exterior sh*t of the Summers house, night. Cut to inside. Willow and Tara on a sofa, facing Buffy in an armchair. WILLOW: Not even a card, huh? BUFFY: I wasn't really expecting one. No contact with civilians. There's probably a ... code name for it. You know, like radio silence, it's "greeting card silence." WILLOW: Sorry. BUFFY: Maybe it's time to start a new tradition. Birthdays without boyfriends. It could be just as much fun. WILLOW: Preaching to the choir here, baby. (smiles at Tara) TARA: Yeah, some of my best- (sees something across the room) Oh-oh my god. Buffy turns to look behind her, gets up. We see Dawn standing in the doorway. A large Kn*fe in one hand, blood running down her other arm from a wound across the inner forearm. DAWN: (dazed) Is this blood? We see Joyce and Giles across the room, turning to look. BUFFY: Dawn! JOYCE: Oh, baby. Buffy and Joyce rush over to Dawn. BUFFY: What did you do?! DAWN: This is blood, isn't it? It can't be me. I'm not a key. (Buffy looks shocked) I'm not a thing. JOYCE: Oh, sweetie, no. Wha-what is this all about? DAWN: (grimly) What am I? (getting teary) Am I real? Am I anything? She begins to cry. Joyce hugs her. Buffy watches grimly, also a little teary-eyed. Cut to: Buffy seeing the others out. WILLOW: If you need anything- BUFFY: Thanks. Willow hugs Buffy and leaves. Giles walks up to the door. GILES: Perhaps I should stay, you know, just in case. BUFFY: This is a family thing. We should deal with this. GILES: Okay. Giles leaves. Buffy closes the door behind him. Cut to: Dawn sitting on her bed. Joyce sits at the foot of the bed. Buffy enters. DAWN: (softly, not looking up) Why didn't you tell me? Joyce looks at Buffy. BUFFY: We were going to. It just... (trails off. Dawn gives her an angry look) JOYCE: We thought it would be better if we waited until you were older. DAWN: How old am I now? JOYCE: You're fourteen, sweetheart, you know that. DAWN: No. The monks. When did ... when did they ... (trails off) BUFFY: Six months ago. DAWN: (trying to hold back tears) I've only been alive for six months, huh? JOYCE: Honey, you've been alive a lot longer than that to us. DAWN: You don't know that! You don't know anything. I'm, I'm just a key, right? Everything about me is made up. BUFFY: Dawn ... (sits on the bed next to Dawn) Mom and I know what we feel. I know I care about you. I know that I worry about you- DAWN: You worry about me because you have to. I'm your job. Protect the key, right? BUFFY: I worry because my sister is cutting herself! DAWN: Yeah? How do you know? Maybe this is just another fake memory from my fake family. JOYCE: Sweetheart- DAWN: Get out. BUFFY: Dawn... DAWN: Get out, get out, get out! Her voice rises to a shriek on the last two words. Joyce and Buffy get up to leave. Dawn lies down on the bed, curls up hugging a stuffed animal. Cut to magic shop, day. BUFFY: We need answers, Giles. Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles move across the room toward the counter. Giles goes behind the counter, where Anya is already moving around looking at stuff. BUFFY: We need to find out everything we can about the key. What's it for, who created it. XANDER: And why Glory has a big girl-god jones for it. BUFFY: This isn't about her. It's about Dawn. She deserves to know where she came from. She needs to know. Or it's just gonna eat away at her. GILES: (looking at his notebook and papers on the counter) How did she find these? How did she get in here? ANYA: (turns away from the back shelves, holding an item) Ew! Who's been using the urn of Ishtar as an ashtray? (takes out a cigarette butt) Willow looks thoughtful. sh*t of Buffy as the realization hits her. Cut to: Buffy bursting into Spike's crypt. Spike is sitting atop one of the coffins, painting his fingernails. SPIKE: Morning, sunshine. If you've come around for eggs or sausage, I'm fresh out. Buffy grabs the lid of the coffin and pulls it out from under Spike so that he tumbles backward into the coffin. He sits up. SPIKE: Hey, careful! These are wet. (Holds up his hand) Buffy slides the lid back onto the coffin so that it slams into Spike's chest, pinning him against the opposite side of the coffin. BUFFY: How could you let her find out like that? From books and papers? You hate me that much? SPIKE: I was just along for the ride. Not like I knew she was mystical glowy key thing. Nobody keeps me in the bloody loop, do they? BUFFY: (bangs the lid, steps back) You could have stopped her. SPIKE: Oh, yeah, here it comes. Something goes wrong in your life, blame Spike. News flash, blondie. (Heaves the lid up off of him, tossing it aside) If kid sis wants to grab a midnight stroll, she'll find a way sooner or later. I just thought she'd be safer with big bad looking over her shoulder. BUFFY: (glares at him silently for a moment) She shouldn't have found out like that. SPIKE: You didn't think you could keep the truth from her forever, did you? (angrily) Maybe if *you* had been more honest with her in the first place, you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of Kick The Spike. Buffy turns and storms out, slamming the door. Spike sighs and shakes his head. Cut to: Joyce knocking on Dawn's door, entering. Dawn still lying on her side on the bed, with her back to the door. JOYCE: Honey? You're gonna be late for school. DAWN: I'm not going. Blobs of energy don't need an education. JOYCE: You want me to make you some soup? (sits on the bed) I think there's some chicken and stars... DAWN: I'm not sick! (quieter) I'm not anything. JOYCE: Honey, calm down, okay... (puts hand on Dawn's back) DAWN: (faces her) Don't tell me what to do. (pause) You're not my mother. Joyce looks hurt. Dawn lies back down for a moment, then gets up. DAWN: I changed my mind. I'd rather be at school. (Grabs her backpack and leaves) Cut to: Exterior hospital, day. Cut to: interior, mental ward. Ben enters carrying a tray with a bunch of cups of Jello on it. BEN: All right, fellas, today we've got blues, greens, and... (looks at tray) oh, hey, chartreuse. It's a party. ORLANDO: It won't stick. The birds have been pecking too hard. (laughing) Ben looks over and sees Orlando strapped down in one of the beds. BEN: Byzantium. JINX: Yes, they've arrived. (We see Jinx standing in the corner. He walks over to stand beside the knight's bed) Unfortunate, but not completely unexpected. BEN: How many? JINX: Their numbers are few for the moment, but they will grow. (Ben puts down the tray) The Knights of Byzantium are like ants. First you see one, then two, then the picnic's ruined. No matter how many we k*ll, they'll keep coming ... wave after wave. (walks over to Ben) It's time to set old animosities aside. Your fate is directly linked to her magnificently-scented Glorificus. She's been extremely forgiving of your considerable foibles up until now, but if you persist in your defiance, she'll be forced to- BEN: To what? What is she going to do? Send a six-pack of minions to bore me to death? Glory can't lay a finger on me. You know it, I know it, she knows it. So save the thr*at, or I'll finish the job I started on your head. He shoves past Jinx and exits. Cut to: Exterior of the Summers house, night. Cut to: Dawn in her bedroom looking through her diaries. She has a bunch of them, of different sizes, shapes, covers, etc. She clutches one to her chin and looks pensive. Cut to: Buffy and Joyce in the living room. They sit side-by-side on the sofa. JOYCE: We can't just let her sit up there all alone. BUFFY: She needs time. We can't force her to be all right with this. JOYCE: That's your answer? Just ... leave her alone and hope that everything works itself out? BUFFY: No, but if I were her, I'd want a little bit of time right now. I wouldn't want my mother and my sister coming at me from all sides. JOYCE: Her school called today. She was suspended. We see Dawn on the stairway above, listening. JOYCE: (OS) She yelled at a teacher. The things she said, Buffy, I mean she never used language like that BUFFY: (OS) She probably feels like she can say or do anything right now. She's not real. We're not her family, we don't even know what she is. Dawn looks shocked. Cut to: Dawn storming back into her room, crying. She slams the door, looks around, and begins to trash her room, shrieking. She shoves stuff off the desk, shoves books off the shelves, tears posters off the walls. She picks up one of her diaries and flips through it, then begins to tear out pages, throws them in the wastebasket, then throws the whole book in. Extended sequence of Dawn ripping pages out of diaries, throwing the pages and the diaries into the wastebasket. Cut back to living room. Joyce jumps up, staring at Buffy in horror. JOYCE: How can you talk about Dawn as if she's a thing? BUFFY: I'm not! I'm just ... saying that's probably how she feels. JOYCE: Well, then we have to show her that it isn't true. She needs to know that she's still a part of this family and that we love her. BUFFY: It's not that simple! We're not gonna be able to fix this with a hug and a kiss and a bowl of soup! Dawn needs to know where she came from, she needs real answers. JOYCE: (sits) What she needs is her sister, Buffy, not the Slayer. BUFFY: The Slayer is the only thing standing between Dawn ... and this god from the bitch dimension that wants to shove her in some kind of lock and give her a good twirl. Mom, I need to be out there, doing my job- A shrill beeping noise begins. They both jump up. BUFFY: Oh my god, Glory. It's Willow's spell. (Runs toward stairs) JOYCE: (following) Wait. It's not Glory. Cut to: Buffy kicking down Dawn's door, rushing in followed by Joyce. The beeping continues. BUFFY: Damn it. We see the wastebasket on f*re. Buffy grabs a blanket from the bed and tosses it over the flames to put them out. BUFFY: Dawn! JOYCE: (looking at something across the room) Buffy. BUFFY: No. No, she could have b*rned the house down. JOYCE: Buffy ... she's gone. Buffy looks in the direction Joyce is looking. sh*t of the open window. The alarm continues beeping. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on magic shop, night. BUFFY: She tore up her room ... she b*rned all of her diaries. (Moves across the screen to sit in a chair by the table) XANDER: The Dawnmeister Chronicles? Pan across Xander to find Willow and Tara sitting beside the counter. Giles and Anya behind it. Giles hands Willow a cup of tea. WILLOW: She's been keeping those since ... (pauses, looks confused) I mean... BUFFY: Since she was seven. I remember too, Will. (We see Spike standing in the background behind Buffy) We have to find her. Fast. Before Glory or the knights of hack-n-slash figure out what - *who* she really is. Mom's gonna stay at home in case she shows up. I figure we split up and sweep the city. (stands) Anya. Will you stay here in case she shows up? Xander, Giles, you guys take the center of town. Willow, Tara, west side. Spike, you and I'll get the east side. Everyone gets up to leave. Spike moves forward to stand beside Buffy. BUFFY: (softly) Just find her ... please. Cut to: Dawn walking through a playground, night. She looks over at a swing-set. Flash to a bright sunny day, small girl with Dawn's hair on the swing, bigger girl with Buffy's hair pushing her. (We only see them from the back.) YOUNG DAWN: Bet you can't push me all the way around! YOUNG BUFFY: Oh yes I can! YOUNG DAWN: No you can't! Flash back to today, the swing-set dark and empty. Dawn looks sad, tears on her face. She turns and walks away. Cut to: Xander and Giles walking through alleys in Sunnydale, night. Giles pokes around looking behind things, inside dumpsters, etc. XANDER: There's so many things I remember. Seeing Dawn ... hanging with her ... listening to Buffy complain about her. Mostly that last one. How could it be that all those things never really happened? GILES: Well, it takes some getting used to. The idea of a ... bright fourteen-year-old actually being living energy thousands of years old. They continue walking, looking around. XANDER: I'm guessing some kind of super-powerful in her raw form. GILES: People have k*lled, died for it ... summoned armies to control the key. XANDER: You know, uh ... she kinda has a crush on me. GILES: Your point being? XANDER: (stops walking) Well nothing, no, uh ... just saying, powerful being ... big energy gal digging the Xan-man. (Grins. Giles frowns at him) Some guys are just cooler, you know? Giles turns and walks away, rolling his eyes. Xander follows. Cut to: Buffy and Spike walking through the playground, night. BUFFY: (calls) Dawn! Dawn! SPIKE: Yeah, that should do it. BUFFY: Shut up. SPIKE: The nibblet scampered off to get away from you. She hears you bellowing, she's gonna pack it in the opposite direction. (they stop walking) Can't say I blame her. (looking around) BUFFY: (quietly, staring at the ground) You were right. (Spike looks surprised) This is my fault. I should have told her. SPIKE: (sighs) Look, she probably would have skipped off anyway, even if she never found out. She's not just a blob of energy, she's also a fourteen-year-old hormone b*mb. (sighs) Which one's screwing her up more right now, spin the bloody wheel. (shrugs) You'll find her, just in the nick of time, that's what you hero types do. Buffy gives him a hopeful look. SPIKE: (firmly) You'll find her. BUFFY: (quietly) And then what? Cut to: Dawn walking down a street. She steps aside as an ambulance goes past, siren wailing, lights flashing. She stares after it. Cut to: Exterior hospital, night. We see the emergency room door, ambulance parked next to it, people running inside with a patient on a gurney. Cut to: Dawn entering the hospital. She goes down a hall, looks around to make sure no one's watching, then slips though a door. Cut to: Dawn entering the mental ward. All the patients begin to mutter nervously as she enters. PATIENT 1: It's here. It's here. It's here. PATIENT 2: Can't stop. PATIENT 1: It's here. It's here. (repeats over and over) PATIENT 2: Make it stop. The skin's too tight. PATIENT 1: (lifts his head to look at Dawn) Can't hear it. What's the frequency? Empty. All spilled out. DAWN: (goes over to Patient 1's bed) Please. Y-you see me, right? Look at me. Patient 1 stares at her, very fearful. PATIENT 2: Can't stop it! DAWN: You know what I am, don't you? You all know! PATIENT 1: (stares at ceiling) Can't hear it, can't hear it, can't hear it (repeats over and over) DAWN: Tell me! PATIENT 1: Can't hear it, can't hear it ... (repeats) DAWN: What am I? ORLANDO: The key. Dawn whips her head around to look at Orlando. ORLANDO: I found it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. DAWN: (rushes over to him) You know what the key is? (He stares at the ceiling still repeating "Thank you") Where did I come from? Who made me, wha-what am I? ORLANDO: Thank you, thank you... DAWN: Please! ORLANDO: (suddenly jerks his head up and yells) Destroyer! (Dawn jumps back) Cracked ... bones ... the sun bleeding into the sky! The key is the link. DAWN: (shakes her head, backing away) No, no. ORLANDO: The link must be severed. Such is the will of God. Such is the will of God. Such is the will of God. (repeats) He continues repeating this phrase as Dawn backs away, then turns and runs away. ORLANDO: Such is the will of God. PATIENT 1: Can't hear it. Orlando continues repeating his phrase and Patient 1 repeats his, as the other madmen mutter also, getting louder and louder. Dawn runs to the door, pulls it open and finds Ben on the other side. He looks at her in surprise. Cut to: hospital locker room. Dawn sits at a small table. Ben walks over carrying two cups, which he puts on the table. BEN: Two steaming cups of chocolate goodness courtesy of ... whoever I swiped it from out of the cupboard. (sits) Couldn't find any marshmallows. I'll try to steal some for next time. DAWN: Don't like 'em anyway. BEN: What? Is that even possible? DAWN: Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and I- (stops) BEN: Dawn, was your mom brought back in? Is that why you're here? DAWN: No. (bitterly) My *mom*'s just fine. BEN: (puzzled) Is there anybody I can call? Your sister? DAWN: I don't have a sister. BEN: Oh ... you two have a fight? It's okay, I know how that goes. I got a sister too. They can be a real pain sometimes. (Dawn nods) I tell you, there've been a lot of nights I wish she didn't exist either. DAWN: It's not Buffy. It's me. I'm the one that doesn't exist. (sighs) BEN: Look, I know it can feel that way sometimes, but when you're older- DAWN: No, you don't understand. It's not real. None of this. (indicating her body) They made it. BEN: Dawn- DAWN: I'm nothing! I'm just a thing the monks made so Glory couldn't find me. I'm not real. Ben looks extremely shocked and fearful. He gets to his feet. BEN: (gets up) You're the key? DAWN: How do you know about the key? BEN: Go! Before she finds you. Don't ask me how she knows, 'cause she always knows. Just go. DAWN: Wait! Calm down, just tell me- BEN: (agitated) You don't understand, you're a kid. (Dawn gets up) You stay, she'll find you. She finds you, she'll hurt you. DAWN: What's wrong with you? BEN: You're what she's been searching for. I am telling you, run. You don't know, you - (looks around nervously) Oh god. Oh god no, she's coming. (Dawn looks frightened) I can feel it, you've gotta get out. No ... oh no, she's here! He grabs Dawn by the arms. She screams. BEN: She's here! In the middle of "She's here," Ben morphs into Glory. Dawn gasps and stares at her in shock. Glory looks confused. GLORY: Hey, don't I know you? Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the hospital. Dawn is sitting in the chair again. GLORY: (OS) Ugh, cotton! We see Glory standing by the lockers, taking off Ben's hospital scrubs (her back to the camera). GLORY: Could a fabric be more annoyingly pedestrian? (reaches into a locker) Now *this* is what I'm talkin' about. (Pulls out a red silk blouse and slides it over her head, smiling) Makes your skin sing. DAWN: You're-you're Ben... GLORY: (fastening the blouse behind her) Uh, it's an eensy more complicated than that. Family always is, isn't it? Dawn looks anxiously toward the door. GLORY: (still with her back to Dawn) You'd never make it. I'd rip out your spine before you got half a step. And those little legs? (smiles over her shoulder at Dawn) They wouldn't be much good without one of those. Suddenly Glory is right next to Dawn, bending over with her hands on her knees so that her face is at Dawn's level. GLORY: Would they, Dawnie? Dawn looks alarmed. GLORY: Now. What I'm trying to noodle, is what in the world was the Slayer's little sis doing here with gentle Ben? DAWN: Y-you don't remember? GLORY: Remember what? (brushes hair off Dawn's shoulders) You were talking to him, not me. (gasps, grabs Dawn's chin) Oh, he wasn't being naughty, was he? A hospital guard enters. GUARD: Excuse me, ma'am. This area's for hospital personnel- Glory turns around, grabs his head and twists it, breaking his neck. He falls to the floor. Dawn gasps. Glory turns back to Dawn and leans down again. GLORY: Rude! I was talking! (sighs) What do you say ... (pulls Dawn to her feet) we find a nice place off the beaten (grabs Dawn by the front of her blouse, spins her around) where you and I can have a long uninterrupted chat. Glory pushes a very scared Dawn around in front of her. Cut to: graveyard, night. Buffy and Spike walk up and encounter Willow and Tara. WILLOW: We looked, but no Dawn. Giles and Xander approach. BUFFY: What about the carousel? TARA: Checked there too. BUFFY: (to Giles) Nothing? XANDER: Sorry, Buff. BUFFY: Anything could have happened to her. Not just Glory. They all look concerned. BUFFY: We better check the hospital. They all walk off together. Cut to: hospital. Dawn and Glory are in some sort of lab, with X-ray display cases along one wall, racks full of beakers and test tubes. Glory shoves Dawn against a metal counter. GLORY: (briskly) Okay. Small talk over. I'm in a bit of a crunch here, so let's cut right to the ooey gooey center. Your sister, the Slayer, has my key. It's mine, I want it. (softer) Do you know where she squirreled it away? There's ice cream and puppydogs in it for you if you start singin'. DAWN: (nervously) I'm not sure. What does it look like? GLORY: (smiles fondly, puts hands over her heart) Well... (walks a few steps away, gets nostalgic) the last time I caught a peep ... it was a bright green swirly shimmer. Really brought out the blue in my eyes. (annoyed) But then those sneaky little monks pulled an abracadabra, so now it could look like anything. You see the predicament I'm in. DAWN: Maybe... GLORY: Yes? DAWN: Well, maybe if you ... told me more about it, I'd know if I've seen it. Glory sighs, leans forward, puts her hands on the table on either side of Dawn. Dawn gasps nervously. Glory gazes at her for a moment. GLORY: Okay. Cut to: the others waiting in the hospital emergency room. Buffy turns away from the desk. BUFFY: She wasn't brought in. XANDER: Which is a happy thing, right? BUFFY: I don't know, I... A doctor goes by, leading a bunch of security guards. DOCTOR: ...found him on the floor in the break room. You guys gotta see him. His head's almost twisted clean off. Buffy stares after them. BUFFY: Glory. Cut to exam room. Dawn is now leaning against a wall while Glory sits on the exam table. DAWN: So this ... key thing ... it's been around for a long time? GLORY: Well, not as long as me, but ... yeah. Just this side of forever. DAWN: (long pause, very quietly) Is it evil? GLORY: Totally! Dawn gives a little gasp of dismay. GLORY: (laughs) Well, no, not really. I guess it depends on your point of view. DAWN: What's it for? I mean ... if it's a key, there's gotta be a lock, right? GLORY: Yes. We have a winner. DAWN: S-so what does it open? GLORY: (sighs) I smell a fox in my hen house. (annoyed) Is that why you've been playing sugar and spice with old Uncle Ben? (gets down from the table) Trying to get a peek at Glory's unmentionables? DAWN: No, I- GLORY: Shh! I kinda wanna hear me talking right now. Me talking. (gets right up close to Dawn) You know what I'm starting to think? I'm thinking ... that maybe you ... (Dawn looking very apprehensive) don't have any idea where my key is. Glory spins away, speaking faster. GLORY: Very irritating. Irrational. Know what I mean, tiny snapdragon? Like... She bangs her elbows down on the table, leans over and rubs her forehead, scowling as if she has a headache. GLORY: ...bugs under my skin. And say, (sighs, closes her eyes) I'm feelin' a little... DAWN: What's wrong with you? GLORY: Hey. (sighs, smiles) Hey! (straightens up) This doesn't have to be a complete waste of my precious time. (turns and walks back toward Dawn) I've been meaning to send the Slayer a message. And I could use a little pick-me-up. Two birds, one stone, and (claps her hands in front of Dawn's nose) Boom. (Dawn looks very scared) You have yummy d*ad birds. The door bursts open and Buffy enters, followed by the others. BUFFY: Get away from my sister. GLORY: Hey, we were just talking about you. (Dawn runs over behind Buffy) BUFFY: Conversation's over, hell-bitch. Buffy punches Glory with a right, then a left, then ducks a punch, kicks Glory. Spike enters the room. Buffy and Glory grapple; Buffy spins her around and slams her into a display case. Glory kicks Buffy away. sh*t of Dawn hiding behind a garbage can, watching the fight. Glory punches Buffy. Spike comes up behind Glory and grabs her, pinning her arms against her sides. She struggles. Buffy punches Glory in the face while Spike holds her. SPIKE: I thought you said this skank was tough. Glory breaks free, grabs Spike's arm and flips him over, throwing him against a wall. She picks him up, head-butts him as Xander moves around behind them, holding a tire iron. Glory throws Spike and he slides across the exam table, crushing a bunch of medical equipment. He falls off the other side, lands against the wall unconscious. Buffy watches looking concerned. We can see Giles holding a crossbow. GLORY: He wakes up, tell your boyfriend to watch his mouth. Buffy gets in Glory's face, glaring. BUFFY: (very firmly) He is NOT my boyfriend. Giles tries to aim the crossbow, but Buffy is between him and Glory. Buffy begins punching Glory. We see Willow and Tara watching, both holding small leather bags and quietly chanting. Buffy tries to kick but Glory grabs her foot and looks at it. GLORY: Hey, those are really nice shoes. Glory pushes Buffy's foot away. Buffy goes into a back-flip and kicks Glory in the face on the way down. BUFFY: Giles, now! Buffy dives out of the way and Giles fires the crossbow. The arrow bounces off Glory's stomach. She looks annoyed. GLORY: Oh, please. Like that's- Xander comes up behind her and hits her over the head with the tire iron. GLORY: Hey! (grabs the tire iron and Xander) Watch the hair. She flings Xander away; he flies back into Giles and they both crash into the x-ray display screens, which explode, showering sparks over them and Dawn in her hiding place. Dawn shrieks and covers her head. GLORY: (points the tire iron at each of them) Time to start the dyin'. (We hear Willow and Tara still chanting) Start with the whelp! Glory throws the tire iron like a javelin at Dawn. BUFFY: Dawn! Buffy throws herself into the tire iron's path, letting it s*ab her in the upper chest as she falls to the ground. Dawn begins to crawl out toward her. DAWN: Buffy! BUFFY: Get back! GLORY: Nice catch. Is that the best you little crap-gnats can muster? (Buffy pulls the tire iron out of herself with a grimace of pain) 'Cause I gotta tell ya, so not impressed. Glory walks in between Tara and Willow. They each throw a handful of glittery powder over her. It flutters down on her, covering her hair and body. GLORY: (angry) Look what you did to my dress, you little- WILLOW: (claps her hands once) Discede! (latin: "disperse" or "separate") Glory explodes into a cloud of dust and disappears. Willow falls to the floor. TARA: Willow! (rushes over to her) Buffy stares, turns to Dawn. BUFFY: Dawn. Buffy pulls Dawn over and hugs her, looking back at Willow and Tara. BUFFY: What did you do to her? WILLOW: (panting, nose bleeding) Teleportation spell. Still working out the kinks. BUFFY: Where'd you send her? WILLOW: Don't know. That's one of the kinks. Cut to: exterior nighttime. Several hundred feet above Sunnydale. We can see the lights of the city below. A cloud of dust appears and materializes into Glory. She looks around, looks down. GLORY: Oh, sh- Long sh*t of Glory as a ball of light streaking toward the ground. Cut back to hospital. Tara crouches by Willow as Giles comes over. We see Xander getting up also. GILES: That was an incredibly ... dangerous spell for an adept at your level. (He and Tara help Willow sit up) WILLOW: (dazed) Yep. Won't be trying that one again soon. sh*t of Spike sitting up, looking annoyed. Buffy and Dawn sitting on the ground together. BUFFY: Are you okay? Did she hurt you? DAWN: Why do you care? BUFFY: Because I love you. You're my sister. DAWN: No I'm not. BUFFY: Yes you are. (Lifts Dawn's arm, so we can see her arm and hand are still bloody) Look, it's blood. It's Summers blood. Buffy presses her hand against the tire-iron wound on her shoulder, wincing a little. She clasps her bloody hand in Dawn's bloody hand. BUFFY: It's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or, or how you got here. You are my sister. (pause) There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't. Dawn looks at her for a moment, then hugs her tightly. They both get teary-eyed. DAWN: I was so scared. BUFFY: Me too. sh*t of the others watching them. BUFFY: Come on. Buffy and Dawn stand up. DAWN: Wait. Ben. He was here, he was trying to help me. He... (stops, looks confused) I ... I think he might have left before Glory came ... (frowns) I can't, I can't remember. BUFFY: (takes her hand again) It's okay. Don't worry about it. Next time we see him, we'll thank him. (Dawn still looking puzzled) I have to get you back home though. Mom's freaking out. DAWN: (eyes widen) Oh. Is she mad about the whole f*re thing? BUFFY: I think you sorta have a get-out-of-jail-free card on account of big love and trauma. DAWN: Really? Okay. Good. They start to walk out, holding hands. DAWN: You think she'd raise my allowance? BUFFY: Don't push it. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x13 - Blood Ties"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Monks running in fear. Glory bursting through a warehouse door. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. QUINTON TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon. She's a god. Glory talking to the tied-up monk. GLORY: Tell me where the key is. Monk talking to Buffy. MONK: We had to hide the key. Made it human... Monks chanting. Dawn looking sullen. MONK: ... and sent it to you. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. RILEY: Know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, you let me know. Riley letting a vampire bite him. RILEY VOICEOVER: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. But she doesn't love me. Riley talking to Buffy. RILEY: They want me back, Buffy. BUFFY: Are you going? RILEY: I don't know. If we can't work this out... BUFFY: This is goodbye? Riley in the helicopter lifting off. Buffy yelling up at the helicopter. BUFFY: Riley! Buffy watching the helicopter fly away. BUFFY: There's something that you need to know. About Dawn. DAWN: Why does everybody start acting all weird when I'm around? Spike and Dawn in the magic shop. SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her in the form of a sister. Dawn with blood on her arm. DAWN: Is this blood? BUFFY: What did you do? DAWN: I'm not a key. Dawn in the hospital talking to Ben. DAWN: I'm not real. BUFFY: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you. She's here! Ben morphing into Glory. Spike and Buffy in the underground cave. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. Spike and Buffy on the street. BUFFY: I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don't come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand? Spike trying to enter the Summers house but he can't. Buffy closing the door in Spike's face. Episode begins: Buffy in the workout room punching something. Giles is in the background, sitting and watching. BUFFY: (punches) Spike! (more punches) Spike wants me, how obscene is that? GILES: Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. (stands) Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive... BUFFY: (stops punching) I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty. She resumes punching. We see part of the thing she's punching, which looks like a punching bag. GILES: That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels. BUFFY: (stops punching) Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "woof, that's the one for me!" She resumes punching, very violently, and finishes by kneeing the target sharply. GILES: Buffy, I think you should perhaps calm down. XANDER: Me too. We see that Buffy's target is actually Xander in a huge padded suit and fencing mask. It forces his arms to stand straight out at his sides, basically immobile. Giles and Buffy look at him with concern. BUFFY: Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm sorry, I got ... guess I got carried away. (removes the mask, gives it to Giles) Are you okay? XANDER: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain. BUFFY: Do you wanna sit down? XANDER: I'm not that bendy. (points at the wall) I could lean. GILES: I'll get some ice. Buffy helps Puffy Xander waddle over to the wall and lean against it. BUFFY: Here. XANDER: (loud sigh) BUFFY: Comfy? XANDER: Oh, yeah. This leaning? This is the stuff. BUFFY: That's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple really, you slap 'em around a bit, you t*rture 'em, you make their lives a living hell- XANDER: Buff... BUFFY: ...and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll meet a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it. XANDER: Buffy ... (jerks his head sideways) Stand me up. Buffy helps him stand up straight. He loses his balance and slants toward Buffy, who puts her hands on the puffy stomach to s*ab him. XANDER: The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself, please. BUFFY: It's just ... I just wanna know that there's gonna be another good one. One that I won't chase away. XANDER: There will be. Promise. He's out there, he could come along any minute. BUFFY: Yeah, and the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement. XANDER: What? I don't think you're like that. BUFFY: Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes, I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at? XANDER: Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you. Buffy looks touched. BUFFY: Xander, that's ... aw! She puts her arms around Puffy Xander and rests her head on his big puffy chest. XANDER: This is the day you choose to hug me? (shakes head, sighs) Buffy? BUFFY: Mm? XANDER: You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is ... because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me it's a pretty terrible place to try to build anything. Buffy closes her eyes looking peaceful. BUFFY: Mm. Cut to: Sunnydale main street, night. A car comes around a corner and stops by the sidewalk. The passenger door opens and a young woman (April) gets out, closes the door. She is wearing a very short, very tight pink flowered dress. She has long straight dark hair and a perpetual smile. She leans in to talk to the driver of the car. APRIL: Thank you for picking me up. I'm very grateful for the ride. DRIVER GUY: You sure you want to get out here? I mean, this place is kinda ... (looks around) what are you looking for in Sunnydale, anyway? APRIL: (looks around with a smile) True love. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Shonda Farr, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by James A. Contner. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on the Summers living room, day. Joyce is wearing a black evening gown with large flowers on it. She is spinning around. Buffy and Dawn sit on the sofa watching. BUFFY: I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again? Joyce spins again. Buffy smiles. DAWN: Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more. Joyce spins again, smiles at them. BUFFY: Now could you go the other way? Joyce starts to spin, stops and looks at them. JOYCE: You're messing with me! Dawn laughs. BUFFY: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it. DAWN: Was that five, or four and a half? JOYCE: (holds out her arms) So is anyone gonna talk about my dress? DAWN: I like it. JOYCE: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish? DAWN: Oh. That was why I liked it. (Joyce looks disappointed) BUFFY: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. (Joyce looks relieved) It's sexy. It screams, "Randy sex kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." (pauses) Oh, wait, that's not really good either. Dawn shakes her head in agreement. JOYCE: Oh god. What time is it? BUFFY: (checks her watch) 4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops. Now tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are. DAWN: Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny? (she and Buffy exchange an amused look) JOYCE: No! He works for a publishing house. He's a nice normal guy, okay? BUFFY: I think I've heard of those. JOYCE: He came to the gallery ... my first day back, when I was, you know, kinda shaky, starting over. And he asked a question about these antique cameos (sighs) and I was so lost, because ... Carol had been doing the ordering while I was sick. Well, it turned out that he didn't know anything about them either, so we had a lot to talk about. DAWN: (smiling) So what's the plan for tonight? JOYCE: (smiling) Dinner and then a movie. (frowns) Or maybe it was ... a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because ... you know, then we could talk about the movie. (Buffy nods) Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and, and then, you know, what's the point of any of it? (Dawn shakes her head) Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think ... that it should be one with candles, and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or ... sorta let him set the pace? BUFFY: Oh, no. (stands, walks across to other end of the sofa) Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left. JOYCE: Honey, you just had some bad luck. DAWN: Well, you're going to that spring break party tonight. Maybe you'll find someone there. BUFFY: Mm-hmm. Or maybe Brian has a son, and Mom and I can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates. JOYCE: Oh god... (puts hands on her chest) Brian. What time is it now? BUFFY: (checks watch) 4:24. JOYCE: (nervous) You sure the dress is okay? DAWN: Hmm. Spin again. Real fast this time. Joyce gives them an amused-scolding look. Cut to: Tara and Anya walking along the UC Sunnydale campus, day. TARA: Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that? ANYA: Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans." TARA: I go online sometimes, but ... everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's ... depressing. ANYA: But you have to try online trading, it's great! The secret is avoiding the tech companies everyone was jumping on, and, and going with the smaller firms that supply the basic components. TARA: Uh-huh. ANYA: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, and I tripled it. TARA: Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money? ANYA: Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope. April walks up to them with a big smile. APRIL: Hi. Anya and Tara look at each other, then at April. ANYA: Hi. APRIL: I'm looking for Warren. Do you know where Warren is? And if you do, could you tell me? TARA: Um, I, I don't think we know a Warren. (Anya shakes her head) APRIL: Well, all righty, no harm in asking. Thanks! She walks off with a smile. The others watch her go up to a guy sitting on a bench, reading the newspaper. APRIL: Hi, do you know Warren? I need to find him. BENCH GUY: Uh, sorry. Tara and Anya resume walking. TARA: You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer? ANYA: (smiling) I'll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me. They walk off. In the background we see April walking along in the other direction. Cut to: UC Sunnydale dorm. A party is going on. Music, decorations, lots of drinks, lots of people moving around, talking. We see Ben standing by the punch bowl. Pan across to Buffy and Xander dancing together. XANDER: How you doing, having o' the fun? BUFFY: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy. XANDER: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin. Pan further to find Tara, Willow, and Anya standing together. ANYA: I let them do that. Dance together. That was me. TARA: Very nice of you. WILLOW: A good deed. ANYA: Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now. The song ends, Buffy and Xander stop dancing. Xander bows. BUFFY: Thank you. Xander walks off. Buffy spots Ben still standing by the punch bowl, talking to someone. The other person leaves and Ben looks around, looking uncomfortable. Buffy walks over while Ben is looking the other way. She leans against a nearby pillar and pretends not to see him. Ben looks around more, notices Buffy. BEN: Buffy. BUFFY: (pretends to notice him) Ben! Hey. I didn't even know you were here. (walks over to him) And again with the non-medical clothing. BEN: Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants. (Buffy just looks at him) Man, that sounded so funny in my head. Buffy laughs a little, then gives a louder fake laugh. Ben looks surprised. BUFFY: It's very, very funny. It's funny in my head too. BEN: (nods) You having a good time? BUFFY: Yeah, I am. I was dancing earlier, and you know, my friends are here, so ... but, I mean, not that it's all about me. Are you enjoying yourself? BEN: I am now. BUFFY: So, um ... do you ... maybe ... wanna dance? BEN: (nervous) I'm not really good. You know, rhythm. (Buffy looks disappointed) Uh, sure. I'd love to. (Buffy smiles) Let me just dump this. (indicating his drink) I'll be right back. BUFFY: Okay. Ben walks off. Buffy stands by herself, looking nervous. Cut to across the room. Xander and Anya are investigating the munchies. ANYA: Look at these tiny grain patties. They're woven. That's craftsmanship. (eating Chex Mix) XANDER: They aren't hand-woven, you know. ANYA: Then how? XANDER: Well, it's a, a machine, and it's ... it sorta .. it presses. He gets distracted, looking across the room. sh*t of April entering. XANDER: And there may be a mold of some sort ... who's that? Anya looks. April looks around the room. APRIL: Warren? sh*t of a guy in the crowd looking up nervously. ANYA: Oh, that girl. Tara and I met her. We see the nervous boy behind Anya and Xander. As Anya speaks, he quickly slips away. ANYA: She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely. XANDER: Well, some of us like that kind of thing in a girl. Anya smiles at him. APRIL: (OS) Warren? Cut to the nervous guy (Warren) moving quickly through the crowd, going over to another girl (Katrina) who's sitting down. KATRINA: Hi, did you get me a drink? WARREN: We gotta go, she's gonna see me. He grabs Katrina's hand and pulls her up. KATRINA: She who? What's up, Warren? WARREN: It doesn't matter. Come on. He pulls her away. Cut to April approaching random partygoers. APRIL: Is Warren here? Willow walks past April and approaches Anya and Xander. WILLOW: I thought you were getting the crunchies. (taking some Chex Mix) ANYA: Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however. sh*t of April looking through the crowd. XANDER: Uh-uh, no, I'm, I'm right with you. You don't know what you're talking about. (quietly) Here she comes. April approaches them, still with her big smile. APRIL: I heard that Warren was here. Is Warren here? XANDER: Um, Warren who? APRIL: He's ... Warren. And he's looking for me. He lost me. She walks away. Tara approaches the other scoobies. April goes over to some other random people. APRIL: Is Warren here? TARA: It's that girl again. Is she still looking for Warren? (the others nod) Weird, it's been like all day. WILLOW: There's something strange about her. She talks funny. ANYA: Some men find that appealing. She smiles at Xander, who smiles back, although he's still occupied watching April. sh*t of April talking to still more random people. APRIL: Have you guys seen Warren? Cut back to the Scoobies. TARA: I just hope she finds him. XANDER: Somehow I don't think a girl that looks like that's gonna be lonely for too long. WILLOW: Definitely not. Willow grins and nods, then notices Tara, who frowns and folds her arms. WILLOW: Oh, not me, I, I was just saying, a pretty girl like that, there's always someone lurking around, looking for some action. Tara looks mollified. Willow looks a little embarrassed. Cut to Buffy still waiting for Ben. Spike walks up next to her. She doesn't notice him. Spike smirks, looks her up and down, and just stands there until Buffy turns and notices him. SPIKE: Small world. (Buffy glares) Oh dear. If looks could stake. (Buffy continues glaring) You having fun, pet? You ... trolling for your next ex? (looks around) I gotta say, you can do better. BUFFY: I told you, I wa- SPIKE: Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. (reaches for some snacks on the table, turns back to Buffy with a smirk) If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me. He eats a snack and smirks suggestively at Buffy. She looks disgusted. BUFFY: Get away from me. Spike starts to say something, stops, nods and walks away, still smirking. Ben walks up to Buffy. BEN: Was that guy bothering you? Should I, um, offer to get inappropriately violent or something? BUFFY: (smiles) No. BEN: (smiles) Good, 'cause, honestly, I don't wanna. sh*t of Spike moving into the crowd, looking over at Buffy and Ben chatting. BUFFY: So, are you ready to dance? BEN: Um, first... (we see he's holding a small pink piece of paper) BUFFY: What's that? BEN: Uh, yeah, my phone number. (We see Spike in the background watching) I was gonna try to subtly work it into the conversation, but it didn't pan out, and I thought I should try to give it to you before you see me dance. He holds it out. Buffy takes it. BEN: You know, in case you wanna get coffee. BUFFY: Thank you. Um, I, I just, I-I think you should know that I ... (sighs) I kind of have this bad history in which, you know, we go get coffee, and, well, it all ends with, with you leaving town, and you just got here and everything... BEN: Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but ... I just really like ... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. And I would like to get to know ... coffee better. Buffy smiles. BUFFY: Then I'll call you. Cut to Spike looking annoyed, walking off. He comes upon April talking to another girl. APRIL: Have you seen Warren? GIRL: No, sorry. (walks off) SPIKE: And who are you, darlin'? APRIL: I'm April. Spike looks over at Buffy talking to Ben. Buffy looks over at Spike, quickly looks back at Ben. APRIL: I'm looking for my fella. SPIKE: Maybe you just found him. APRIL: (excited) Really? Where? Spike grins, leans in and whispers in her ear. April looks angry. APRIL: Oh! She grabs Spike by the front of his shirt and lifts him over her head. SPIKE: Hey! Hey! Hey! sh*t of Buffy and Ben looking over. Everyone in the area is staring at April and Spike. APRIL: (still holding Spike over her head) That would be wrong. You are not my boyfriend! She throws him through a window, which shatters. Everyone stares. sh*t of Buffy and Ben staring. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the same scene. April and all the other partygoers watch as Spike gets up, broken glass falling all around him. He stands outside the dorm and looks in through the now glassless window. SPIKE: Bloody hell! You threw me through a window! sh*t of April just looking at him. SPIKE: What's that about? sh*t of Buffy and Ben moving closer to the action. APRIL: You do not make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend. SPIKE: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren. Spike walks off. April turns away from the window. The onlookers move back a bit. APRIL: No one but Warren can touch me. She begins to walk off. Buffy intercepts her. BUFFY: Excuse me. Hi. Um, uh, maybe you and I could talk. You know, 'cause, throwing Spike through a window, (pauses, grins) well, that's really good... (stops smiling) um, but, you know, generally speaking- APRIL: Do you know my boyfriend? BUFFY: Okay. I think you need to take a second and stop looking for your boyfriend. April grabs Buffy by the upper arms and flings her backwards. She flies back several yards and lands on the floor with an expression of pain, grabbing her arm. APRIL: (OS) I have to find him. April walks over to where Buffy is sitting up, clutching her arm in pain. APRIL: If I hurt you just now, I'm sorry. And I hope that your boyfriend will take good care of you. April walks off as Ben, Xander, Willow, Anya, and Tara rush over to Buffy. Buffy pouts sadly as she watches April leave. Cut to: a student lounge in the dorm. Buffy is pacing, still holding her arm. The Scoobies are sitting in various chairs. BUFFY: Ow. I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me. TARA: Well, at least she didn't do too much damage. XANDER: Are you kidding? Double-glazed windows ain't cheap. And the jamb needs to be completely repaired. (pauses) Oh dear god, I'm the grownup who sees the world through my job. I'm like my uncle Dave the plumber. I must be shunned. WILLOW: Okay. BUFFY: So, what do you guys think she is? I mean, this may sound nuts, but I kinda got the impression that she was a- TARA: Robot. Everyone nods in complete agreement. XANDER: Oh yeah, robot. BUFFY: Yeah, I was gonna say robot. What do you think she wants? TARA: Warren, whoever that is. XANDER: It's gotta be the guy that built her. WILLOW: It's an unusual name. There's hardly any except ... Warren Beatty and, you know, President Harding. It-it's probably not either of them. BUFFY: Will, can you track down this guy with only a first name? WILLOW: (nods) Given enough time. I can get a list of the Sunnydale students named Warren tonight, but ... then we'll have to call them or go to their dorms, so we probably can't start narrowing it down till tomorrow. Buffy frowns. ANYA: She could do a lot of damage by then. XANDER: To who, Spike? See how vigorously I don't care. (Buffy smiles) She was looking for this Warren, but it didn't sound like she wanted to hurt him. She said he's her boyfriend. WILLOW: I agree. I'm not sure this is a code red. Hey, is there a code pink? We need more codes. (Tara smiles at her) BUFFY: Okay. We'll track down Warren tomorrow. Tonight I better go rescue Giles. He's been watching Dawn while my mom's out on her date, and I have a feeling there's only so much he can take. TARA: Oh, Giles and Dawnie? I bet they ended up having a blast. Cut to: Giles and Buffy standing in the Summers foyer, by the open door. GILES: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her. BUFFY: (nods, grins) What'd she make you do? GILES: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance ... then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys. BUFFY: (laughs) I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my "fun time Buffy party night" involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, (Giles looks interested) so if you wanna trade... (pauses) No ... wait ... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything. GILES: A robot? Sounds interesting. BUFFY: We're gonna work on it in the morning. I mean, unless you wanna stay for a while, and then you and I could- Joyce appears behind Giles, entering the house with a big smile. JOYCE: Who wants to hear everything? BUFFY: ...listen to my mom talk about boys. GILES: (quickly) Right, must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce. (leaves) JOYCE: Bye Rupert. Joyce closes the door behind Giles, turns and gives Buffy a big smile. JOYCE: Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be. BUFFY: (smiles) I don't know. I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. Joyce smiles, walks past Buffy to put her purse down. BUFFY: It all looked pretty tame to me. JOYCE: Well, I suppose by your standards it could seem pretty ... (pauses) Oh dear. BUFFY: What? JOYCE: I left my bra in his car. Buffy looks shocked and horrified. BUFFY: Mother! JOYCE: I'm joking. BUFFY: (sighs) Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that. JOYCE: I left it in the restaurant. Buffy puts her hands over her ears and starts running up the stairs. BUFFY: No more! No more! No more! JOYCE: (yelling up the stairs at her) On the dessert cart! BUFFY: (OS, faintly) I can't hear you! Cut to: exterior aerial sh*t of Sunnydale, night. Sound of knocking. Cut to: April standing on the front porch of a house. The porch light comes on. A man opens the door, looking sleepy. SLEEPY GUY: Yeah? What? APRIL: (big smile) Hi! Does Warren live here? SLEEPY GUY: What the hell - what are you doing, it's 3:30! APRIL: Yes, it is! Does Warren live here? The guy gives her an angry look, slams the door in her face. APRIL: Okay then. Bye. She walks down the steps, across the lawn, and over to the next house. Knocks on that door. Cut to: magic shop, day. Buffy and the scoobies sit around the table. Giles stands next to it. Willow is using her computer (iBook). GILES: And you're certain she was a robot? BUFFY: Absolutely. TARA: Well, she practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass. Giles and Willow give her looks. TARA: Just ... tryin' a little spicy talk. (Willow smiles) ANYA: She was looking for someone named Warren. BUFFY: Willow's already checked the Sunnydale enrollment. WILLOW: And got nothin'. I found one Warren, but he moved out of the country a year ago. I'm checking nearby schools. XANDER: Whoever he is, he knows his stuff. That girl, well... (Buffy looks at him) that was a nice-lookin' girl. Tara gives Xander a dubious look. ANYA: It's okay for him to say that, 'cause I know that he really loves me only. Xander leans over to take Anya's hand. Buffy watches this a little sadly. GILES: (OS) Is there something the rest of us could be doing? XANDER: What can we do? TARA: Oh, do you have any books on robots? GILES: Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before - no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat, I just like to see Xander squirm. XANDER: (fake laugh) Funny. Charming and funny. WILLOW: Hey! I think I found him. A Warren Mears. He went to Sunnydale High with us for a semester, and then he went to the tech college over in Dutton. I've got a local address where his folks still live. (writing it down) TARA: He's probably home for spring break. BUFFY: Well, I'll go talk to him. (takes the paper from Willow) GILES: No no no no no, wait, we don't know what you're walking into. (looks behind him, notices a customer standing by the counter) Uh, we have no idea what his motive is for building this thing. (stands) TARA: Um ... don't you think se's just... (makes insinuating face) WILLOW: Yeah ... she's just sort of a... (makes the same face) XANDER: She's a sexbot. (to Giles) I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? Giles walks off to help the customer. XANDER: (wistfully) Beautiful girl with ... no other thought but to please you ... willing to do anything... He looks up. sh*ts of the four girls staring at him. Xander laughs nervously. XANDER: Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but... (clears throat) he'd get it. (Willow turns her attention back to the computer) ANYA: Why would anyone do that if they could have a real live person? WILLOW: Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person. BUFFY: Oh, come on. The guy's just a big wedge of sleaze, don't make excuses for him. Giles finishes helping the customer and returns to sit with them. WILLOW: I'm not, I'm just saying, people get lonely, and maybe having someone around, even someone you made up ... maybe it's easier. sh*t of Buffy looking pensive. TARA: But it's so weird. I mean, everyone wants a nice normal person to share with, but this guy, if he couldn't find that, I guess it's ... kinda sad. sh*t of Buffy staring at her hands. Cut to Buffy walking into the workout room, looking at the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it. She sighs, picks up the phone, puts it down, picks it up again. Cut to: Glory's apartment. We see Glory from the chest up, bare shoulders. She's sweaty and gasping, breathing rhythmically. The phone begins to ring. Glory morphs into Ben. He's panting too. He picks up the phone. BEN: (breathlessly) Hello? Cut back to workout room. BUFFY: Hey. Ben, it, it's Buffy. Is this a bad time? I know it's kinda early. Cut back to Glory's apartment. BEN: No, I just ... I just got in is all. Night shift at the hospital. I'm glad you called. Cut back to workout room. BUFFY: Well, I found your number in my pocket, and, you know, figured I'd pick up the phone a couple of times, and then hang up, and then finally call, and see if maybe you wanted to get that cup of coffee, or... Cut back to Glory's apartment. We still see Ben only from the shoulders up. BEN: Yeah, yes. Coffee would be great. ... Tomorrow night? Sure. Bye. He hangs up, smiling. He puts his hands on his hips, frowns, looks down. Long sh*t of Ben standing in the middle of the apartment wearing a short strapless red dress. He sighs. BEN: (annoyed) Fine. Cut to: exterior sh*t of a house, day. Cut to inside. Warren is stuffing piles of clothing into a bag. Katrina watches. KATRINA: But we just got here. If you don't wanna be here, why didn't we just stay in Dutton? Or we could have gone to my sister's. WARREN: (walks around the room gathering up more stuff) Katrina, I don't wanna hear about your sister's place again. Pack your stuff now. KATRINA: Why the rush? It's real early. Are we even gonna say goodbye to your mom? WARREN: (packing) Uh, you can call her. KATRINA: Warren. Is something going on you don't want me to see? WARREN: Katrina, um, if you don't wanna pack, that's fine. We can buy new stuff. Now let's just go! He grabs the bag and Katrina's hand, and leads her to the door. Warren opens the door to discover Buffy, standing on the step with her fist upraised to knock. She frowns in surprise. BUFFY: (to Warren) I have to talk to you. KATRINA: Who's this? WARREN: (to Buffy) Is this about her? BUFFY: Yes. KATRINA: Her who? Warren, something's going on here. Strange girls... WARREN: Katrina, please be quiet, okay, this is important. Wait in the kitchen. KATRINA: And I'm not important? Warren, just tell her to go away. WARREN: (looks at Buffy) I can't. KATRINA: You're keeping secrets from me. Other girls, and who knows what else? WARREN: Trina, shut up. KATRINA: That's it. Forget it, Warren. I'm gone. She walks out past Buffy and away. WARREN: No, Katrina! Ahhh... Buffy shrugs, walks inside. BUFFY: My name is Buffy Summers. We were at Sunnydale High together. Do you know who I am? WARREN: Yes, I know. Um, April, did she hurt someone? BUFFY: Not yet. (thinks) Well, no one that matters. WARREN: She's looking for me. You know, uh, she followed me here. BUFFY: Okay, kind of figured that out. WARREN: No, no, there's more. Uh, there's something you need to know about her. BUFFY: I know. WARREN: No, wait, this is important. BUFFY: Believe me, I, I worked it out. WARREN: No, this is something, uh, that you can't possibly know. Buffy folds her arms and nods to him to continue. Zoom in dramatically on Warren taking a deep breath. WARREN: She's a robot. Buffy looks at him as if expecting more. BUFFY: Uh-huh. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on the magic shop. Willow, Dawn, Tara, and Xander are walking from the back of the store toward the front. DAWN: A robot? Really? Was it Ted? 'Cause I always said there could have been more than one of him. WILLOW: Nope, whole new robot. This one was a girl. XANDER: Buffy's busy tracking down the guy that made her, (puts hand on the doorknob) so I'll drop you off at school, and if she's not finished, then- SPIKE: (OS) Coming through! Coming through. As Xander opens the door, Spike runs in, holding a blanket over himself. The blanket is on f*re. The others jump back. We see Giles and Anya in the background. Spike drops the blanket on the floor and stomps out the f*re. SPIKE: f*re! f*re! The others stare at him. Giles comes forward. We see Anya in the background. We can see that Spike still has a bunch of small cuts on his face and neck from being thrown through the window. SPIKE: Hello, all. What's going on then? GILES: Spike, you're not welcome here. WILLOW: Yeah, and by the way, we're working on a way to de-invite you from here. (Spike looks surprised) Even if it is a public place. XANDER: Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out. ANYA: Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat. SPIKE: Robot? That's what she was? (scoffs) Knew something wasn't right. (looks over at Dawn, who's standing behind Tara) Hey. Someone's glad to see me, aren't you, little bit? DAWN: Stay away from me. TARA: I think you better go. (steps in front of Dawn and folds her arms) SPIKE: Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations. I don't know what Buffy told you, but the thing is, the Slayer and I worked together, side by side, to get rid of Dru. Who was up to no good. And I don't mind telling you- GILES: (takes off his glasses, moves closer to Spike) Spike ... listen to me. SPIKE: It's just ... I'm trying to explain. She might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of feeling- Giles shoves Spike backward. He stumbles into a bookshelf. Giles walks slowly up to him, glaring angrily. GILES: (softly) We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. (Spike stares at him) There is no way to Buffy. Giles leans over, picks up the blanket and slams it into Spike's chest. He leans in close and looks Spike in the eye. GILES: Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing ... get over it. SPIKE: (small smile) I don't know what you mean. GILES: Yes, you do. Move the hell on. The others just watch. Spike takes a deep breath as if he's going to say something. Giles gives him a steely glare. Spike puts the blanket over his head and exits. Cut to: the coffee shop on Sunnydale's main street, day. April walks up to a group of four young men sitting at a table. APRIL: I'm looking for my boyfriend Warren. COFFEE GUY 1: What? APRIL: He comes from here and I need him. But ... it's confusing, and I've already walked a really long way. I'm sure he's nearby. COFFEE GUY 1: Oh, Warren! You're looking for Warren? APRIL: Yes! Do you know him? Do you know where he is? COFFEE GUY 1: Man, let me think. APRIL: Please think. COFFEE GUY 1: Geez, this is too bad, you, you just missed him. APRIL: (pouts) Yes? Where did he go? COFFEE GUY 1: Warren? Uh, he headed out. (points) Uh, that way. Hurry, you might catch him. APRIL: (relieved sigh) Oh, thank you. I was getting very tired. Thank you. She hurries off. The guys watch her go, then look at Coffee Guy 1. COFFEE GUY 2: Who's Warren? COFFEE GUY 1: Hell if I know. They all laugh. Cut to: exterior sh*t of Warren's house, day. BUFFY VOICEOVER: So you have girl troubles. Cut to inside. Buffy sits on the sofa while Warren paces. BUFFY: They're not talking to you, you're not gettin' dates ... you start thinking, "hey, this isn't fair." WARREN: Yeah, I mean, I felt like I deserved to have someone. You know, I mean, everyone deserves to have someone. BUFFY: So naturally you turned to manufacturing. WARREN: Kinda. BUFFY: And how long did it take to build yourself that little toy? WARREN: Oh, no, she's not a toy. I mean, I know what you're thinking, but she's more than that. BUFFY: I'm sure she has many exciting labor-saving attachments. WARREN: No, I made her to love me. Cut to: April walking down the street, day. WARREN VOICEOVER: I mean, she cares about what I care about, and she wants to be with me. She listens to me and supports me. Cut back to Warren's house. WARREN: I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend. BUFFY: A girlfriend. Are you saying ... are you in love with her? WARREN: I really thought I would be. Cut to April walking down more streets, looking around. WARREN VOICEOVER: I mean, she's perfect. I don't know, I ... I guess it was too easy. And predictable. Cut back to Warren's house. WARREN: You know, she got boring. (Buffy rolls her eyes) She was exactly what I wanted, and I didn't want her. (laughs crazily) I thought I was going crazy. BUFFY: Really? You? WARREN: Then something happened. (sits next to her) Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool. You know, she was always givin' me a hard time, real ... unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets, and ... (pauses, looks at Buffy) Anyway. (shrugs) I fell in love with Katrina. BUFFY: Swell. Romance and magnetic trains. But first you decided to take April out of the box... Cut to April still walking. BUFFY VOICEOVER: ...play with her for five minutes, and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her, tell her to go away? Cut back to the house. WARREN: Kinda. BUFFY: And she got mad. She didn't go, huh? WARREN: Okay, I didn't really dump her, as much as I, uh, went out, and, uh, didn't come back. (Buffy stares) I left her, I ... left her in my dorm room. BUFFY: (angry) You left her in your dorm room?! WARREN: Well, I figured I could just kinda get away until her batteries gave out. Which should have been days ago. BUFFY: Did you even tell her? I mean, did you even give her a chance to fix what was wrong? WARREN: I didn't need to fix anything. I mean, her batteries were supposed to run down. Really, they should be completely d*ad by now. BUFFY: So why aren't they? WARREN: I don't, I don't know. I mean, maybe ... uh, she must be recharging them somehow. BUFFY: Warren, this is important. Is she dangerous? WARREN: She's only programmed to be in love. BUFFY: Then she's dangerous. Do you have any idea how to find her? WARREN: Well, she's looking for me, so my guess is she's probably pretty close. Cut to: Katrina walking along quickly, approaching a children's playground. April intercepts her. APRIL: Hi! Katrina stares, then makes a disgusted noise and tries to walk around April. April moves to block her path. APRIL: Do you know where Warren is? I need to get to Warren. KATRINA: This is getting insane, how many of you are there? APRIL: There's only me. April. KATRINA: April. Fine. (angrily) Listen up, April. Warren is my boyfriend. Mine. And you others probably oughta figure that out. April grabs Katrina by the upper arm. KATRINA: Ow. Ow! Let go! (struggles but April holds on) APRIL: Don't go. You have to stay and tell the truth. April pulls Katrina toward her, turns her around and wraps her arms around Katrina, pinning her arms to her sides. April locks her hands together over Katrina's stomach and squeezes. Katrina gasps for air. APRIL: You're lying. He cannot be your boyfriend. Say that he's my boyfriend. KATRINA: (gasping) I can't ... I can't breathe. Let go! APRIL: You have to stop lying. Katrina continues gasping and choking. Cut to: a box. A pile of photos of Buffy flies into view and lands in the box. Pan up to find Spike dismantling his Buffy Shrine, throwing the pictures into the box with angry motions. He grabs the blonde wig off of the mannequin and tosses it, along with Buffy's blue cashmere sweater, into the box. SPIKE: Bloody right, I'll move on. Cut to: Buffy and Warren walking along the street. WARREN: (yelling) April! April, are you there? (normal voice) If the batteries are still working and she hears my voice, then ... she'll answer. BUFFY: She's voice-activated? WARREN: Well, I made it so that if she heard me and she didn't answer, it causes this kind of feedback. BUFFY: Wait, if you call her and she doesn't answer, it hurts her? (he looks embarrassed) You're one creepy little dweeb, Warren. WARREN: (yells) April! Close sh*t of April's face. APRIL: Warren! Buffy and Warren stop walking, look shocked. WARREN: April. We see April standing there holding Katrina by the neck. Katrina's feet are not touching the ground and she appears to be unconscious. APRIL: Where have you been? I couldn't find you, and this girl kept lying to me, and ... then she went to sleep. Buffy and Warren stare in dismay. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the same scene. WARREN: April, what did you do? APRIL: (looks at Katrina, back at Warren) Please don't be angry, Warren. I'm trying very hard to make you happy. BUFFY: April. I want you to put the girl down. APRIL: Warren? What should I do? Warren hesitates. BUFFY: (to Warren) Talk to her! WARREN: Pu-put her down! APRIL: Okay. WARREN: This is Buffy. Give Katrina to Buffy. April lowers Katrina. Buffy and Warren carry Katrina to a nearby bench and lie her down. APRIL: Is she broken? Buffy feels Katrina's neck for a pulse. BUFFY: She's alive. Warren looks relieved, moves toward April. APRIL: Warren, honey, what's going on? Why did you go away? Is it a game? WARREN: No. No, this isn't a game. APRIL: Did I do something wrong? (Buffy watches, still sitting on the bench holding Katrina's head) I waited a long time and you never came back. A long time. I made you five sweaters. WARREN: That's great, you could go back and get them. So you could wait there, and- BUFFY: Warren! (he looks back at her) You have to tell her. And do it right. Warren looks nervously at April. APRIL: What is she saying, Warren? What do you need to tell me? WARREN: (stammers) April, I made a mistake. APRIL: (laughs) You can't make mistakes. WARREN: No, I did. Cut to image of Warren from April's point of view. It's like a blue computer screen with Warren's face in a circle in the middle. Along the top left is a list labeled "Directives." The lists consists of "mk warren hpy.fld", "locate_warren.fld", and "protect warren.fld". Along the top right is another list under the heading "LOCATE WARREN" with a line connecting "locate_warren.fld" on the left to the list on the right. The right-hand list reads: favorite_places.gfd phne #'s.gfd scent.gfd questions.gfd gps tracking.gfd clues.gfd *end of list* At the lower left are the words "recognition module." As Warren talks, underneath the heading "recognition module" appears the word "WARREN" and then "boyfriend." The "locate warren" list disappears and is replaced by a list connected to the "mk warren hpy" directive: kissing_01.gfd kissing_02.gfd lstn sympthtc.gfd gv_hm_prsnts.gfd sex01.gfd sex02.gfd sex03.gfd sex04.gfd praise.gfd neckrubs.gfd fetish_01.gfd fetish_02.gfd fetish_03.gfd positions01.gfd positions02.gfd positions03.gfd positions04.gfd positions05.gfd positions06.gfd The list of positions continues off the bottom of the screen. Meanwhile, underneath "Warren" and "Boyfriend" appear other identifiers: really smart handsome best lover snappy dresser good dancer All of this appears while Warren is talking. WARREN: (in computer display) I thought that I made you everything that I wanted, but it wasn't really what I wanted. Cut to sh*t of April reacting. Cut back to the display. WARREN: (in computer display) I'm sorry, bu-but it's over. Cut back to April smiling. APRIL: But ... I can be whatever you want. I love you. I'll do whatever you want. Would you like a neckrub? She moves forward reaching for Warren's neck. He fends her off. WARREN: No, hey, no. See, I - I know that you love me, but the truth is, I can't love you. (April frowns) I mean, it's not your fault, but... Cut back to the computer display. WARREN: I don't love you. The display goes blurry for a moment, then reappears with the "locate warren" list. A red dot appears on the image of Warren's face, and at the bottom of the screen, in red letters, the words COMBAT MODE ENABLED. The display turns green and a shrill alarm begins to sound. The image of Warren's face looks fearful. WARREN: I love her! He quickly moves out of the way and the image focuses on Buffy behind him, sitting on the bench. The alarm continues. The red dot is now centered on Buffy's chest. Cut to April. She growls. BUFFY: She growls? You made her so she growls? WARREN: Well... April grabs Buffy and flings her away. She lands on some grass, gets up as April approaches. April goes over to a see-saw and lifts one end of it. She brings her arm down on the middle of the board so it snaps in half. Buffy looks alarmed. April swings the piece of wood at Buffy, who grabs it. They grapple. Buffy kicks April in the stomach and she stumbles back, grabbing the bench to steady herself. We see Katrina still lying on the bench and Warren in the background. Buffy swings the piece of wood but April gets out of the way and it slams down on the bench, awaking Katrina, who sits up. Buffy swings again and hits April in the stomach, tearing away her dress and exposing machinery in her stomach. KATRINA: What's going on? WARREN: No, no, Trina- sh*t of April's inner workings sparking. WARREN: Get away. Katrina gets up and backs away from the fight, toward Warren. Buffy swings the wood at April again and April grabs it, pulls it out of Buffy's hands, tosses it away and punches Buffy. Buffy flies backward and lands on her back, turns it into a backflip and gets up. She ducks a punch and lands another one on April. KATRINA: (clutching her throat) What is ... what ... that's a robot! (sound of fighting continues) WARREN: (watching the fight) She wasn't just for sex. KATRINA: Is that ... is that your ex-girlfriend? WARREN: (looks at her) I... KATRINA: No, get the hell away from me! She starts to run off. Warren runs after her. WARREN: No, no, no, Trina, no, Trina, wait... Buffy and April continue exchanging punches and head-butts. Buffy kicks April, who falls down in the sand next to a swing set. Buffy grabs the chains holding a swing up and uses them to hold her up while she kicks April in the face, then hits her with the swing itself. April grabs Buffy by the throat and lifts her off the ground as Buffy struggles and gasps for air. APRIL: You took my man. I'm going to k*ll you. I'm going to ... (pauses) I can't ... can't crush! So ... tired. She lets go of Buffy, who coughs and gasps as April stares at her own hand. APRIL: (anxious) Warren? Where are you? What's happening to me? Her hand slowly drops to her side. There's a sound like machinery powering down. Buffy stares. Cut to: a little later. Pan across the playground to find Buffy and April sitting on the swings side by side. April is leaning against the chain as it's the only thing holding her up. BUFFY: Can you cry? Sometimes I feel better when I cry. But ... there might be rust issues. APRIL: Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry. BUFFY: Oh. APRIL: I rechecked everything. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girlfriend. BUFFY: I'm sure you were. APRIL: I'm only supposed to love him. If I can't do that, what am I for? What do I exist for? BUFFY: I don't know. (shakes head) It isn't fair. He wasn't fair to you. April looks around, moving only her eyes. APRIL: It's getting dark. Buffy looks around too. It looks as sunny as ever. APRIL: It's so early to be dark. BUFFY: (softly) Yeah. APRIL: What if he comes back and he can't find me in the dark? BUFFY: I'm here. I'll make sure that he finds you. APRIL: (smiles) Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently this time, he'll come back. BUFFY: I'm sure he will. And he'll ... he'll tell you how sorry he is. (pauses) You know, he told me ... how proud he was of you and ... how impressed he was with how much you loved him and how you tried to help him. (April smiles happily) He didn't mean to hurt you. APRIL: He's going to take me home, and things will be right again. BUFFY: (nods) It'll be fine. APRIL: (still smiling) When things are sad ... you just have to be patient. (Her speech begins to slow) Because ... because every ... cloud has a silver lining. And ... when life ... gives you lemons ... make ... lemonade. BUFFY: Clouds and lemonade, huh? APRIL: Yes. And ... and ... (her voice gets deeper like a tape running too slow) things are ... always ... darkest ... before... She stops, frozen with a small smile on her face. Her eyes stay open. Buffy looks at her with a frown, then looks down pensively. The camera pulls up and out to a wide aerial sh*t as Buffy turns away, then turns back, still sitting on the swing next to April. Cut to: Xander fixing the window in the dorm, wearing a toolbelt. He pushes some small chips of wood underneath the bottom of the new window. XANDER: See, you construct the wood jamb and frame the glass into it, and that's what you set into the opening. We see Buffy sitting nearby, watching. BUFFY: Yeah? XANDER: One of the cool things about that, you see is, uh, the jamb can be shimmed to be square, even if the opening isn't. BUFFY: Shimmed? Is that even a real word? Do you have any idea what you're talking about? XANDER: Yeah, I do. (smiles) Scary, isn't it? I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot att*ck. BUFFY: And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there. (pauses, looks thoughtful) And she wasn't crazed. XANDER: (skeptical) Yeah?) BUFFY: She devoted everything to making this one person happy. And then it was like, with him gone, there was just ... no reason for her to exist any more. XANDER: Robots are the strangest people. BUFFY: No ... people are the strangest people. (she looks down as Xander continues working) I mean, look at me obsessing about being with someone. It's like ... I don't need a guy right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy. XANDER: Well, I'll say this, she's a pretty cool person to be alone with. BUFFY: (smiles) Thank you. Xander turns back to the window again. Buffy picks up the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it, looks at it, bites her lip. Cut to: a moment later. Pan across Xander still working on the window. Pan over to Buffy talking into a pay phone. BUFFY: Hi, it's Buffy. Um, I hope this is your machine, there, there wasn't a message. Anyway, um, about coffee. I, um ... I just ... I don't think this is the best time for me to be ... drinking... Cut to Glory's apartment. We see the answering machine sitting there on the table. BUFFY: (on machine) ...coffee. Um, I'm sorry. And, um, bye. Pan up to Glory, wearing a sparkly gold dress, with her arms crossed over her chest, listening. GLORY: What the hell? We see Jinx behind her. JINX: If I may, your inconceivableness, it sounds to these humble ears like our Ben tried to make a date with the Slayer. GLORY: (confused) A date with the Slayer? No. No. (shakes her head firmly) No, no, no. He is planning something, he's working against me. Jinx shrugs. Glory frowns, looks from him to the answering machine and back again. GLORY: (pouting) She turned us down? Cut to: Warren's house. Warren is talking on the cordless phone, moving around, packing. WARREN: Trina, no, wait, listen, listen, I'm so sorry. I guess I asked- No, no, just give me a chance to explain, I ... Yes! No, but she - no, no, listen, listen, I'll do anything, just, no, no, don't hang up! He sighs, goes to hang up the phone. Turns around and gasps in shock as he sees Spike standing behind him, holding the box full of Buffy Shrine stuff. WARREN: How, how'd you get in here? SPIKE: Your mum let me in. (walks closer) I'm placing an order. WARREN: Oh, no, no, I'm not making any more girls. SPIKE: Sure you are. (shoves the box into Warren's hands) Here's your specs. sh*t of the box full of Buffy photos and the Buffy wig. Warren stares at Spike. SPIKE: You're gonna make her real good for me. (smiles) Cut to: Buffy entering her home. BUFFY: (calling) Hey, Mom. She turns, sees some flowers on the table beside the door. BUFFY: Ooh. She opens the card that came with the flowers. sh*t of the card, which reads: "Thank you for a lovely evening. See you soon? Brian." BUFFY: (to herself) Still a couple of guys gettin' it right. She turns to call up the stairs, putting down her jacket. BUFFY: (calls) Hey. Flower-gettin' lady. Want me to pick Dawn up from school? In the background, on the living room sofa, we can see someone or something, but it's out of focus; the focus is on Buffy in the foreground. Buffy frowns, looks down the hall toward the kitchen. BUFFY: Mom? She turns and looks in the living room. BUFFY: What are you doing? She walks into the living room, stops. sh*t of Joyce lying on the sofa. Her eyes are open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. One arm hangs loosely over the edge of the sofa. She does not move or blink. BUFFY: (quieter) Mom? (even quieter) Mom? (very quietly) Mommy? Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x15 - I Was Made To Love You"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note: "Previously on Buffy" was not shown at the beginning of this episode. The episode opens with a rollback to the end of "I Was Made To Love You." Buffy enters her home. BUFFY: (calling) Hey, Mom. She turns, sees some flowers on the table beside the door. BUFFY: Ooh. She opens the card that came with the flowers. sh*t of the card, which reads: "Thank you for a _lovely_ evening. See you soon? Brian." BUFFY: (to herself) Still a couple of guys gettin' it right. She turns to call up the stairs, putting down her jacket. BUFFY: (calls) Hey. Flower-gettin' lady. Want me to pick Dawn up from school? In the background, on the living room sofa, we can see someone or something, but it's out of focus; the focus is on Buffy in the foreground. Buffy frowns, looks down the hall toward the kitchen. BUFFY: Mom? She turns and looks in the living room. BUFFY: What are you doing? She walks into the living room, stops. sh*t of Joyce lying on the sofa. Her eyes are open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. One arm hangs loosely over the edge of the sofa. She does not move or blink. BUFFY: (quieter) Mom? (even quieter) Mom? (very quietly) Mommy? Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Randy Thompson, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written and directed by Joss Whedon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOTE: There is no background music at all in this episode. Open on the Summers dining room. Christmas lights are lit around the walls and candles are burning all around. On the left side of the table are Buffy, Anya, and Xander. On the right are Dawn, Willow, and Tara. Giles sits at one end, Joyce at the other end. As the scene opens, Buffy and Joyce stand up. JOYCE: I think we're just about ready for pie. (She and Buffy begin clearing dishes) XANDER: Then I'll be pretty much ready for barf. BUFFY: Xander! XANDER: No, no, (to Joyce) barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good, and too much goodness... JOYCE: I'm taking it as a compliment. GILES: Yes, uh, everything was delicious. (stands to help clear) ANYA: Yes, I'm going to barf too. Joyce smiles wryly as she carries a pile of dirty dishes past Anya toward the kitchen. JOYCE: (sarcastic) Everyone's so sweet. Joyce, Giles, and Buffy exit. Xander looks to see if Joyce is angry, then turns back to the table. XANDER: How you doing there, Will, are you in the vomit club too? WILLOW: (groaning) I had too much nog. TARA: (sympathetic) Oh, baby, want me to rub your tummy? (to the others) She likes it when I ... (pauses, quietly) stop explaining things. DAWN: My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it. WILLOW: That's bad. XANDER: Yeah, now Santa's gonna pass you right by, naughty booze hound. Tara and Dawn giggle. WILLOW: Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah. TARA: (to Dawn) Oh, did you write him a letter? XANDER: What'd you ask for? DAWN: Um, guys, hello, puberty? Sorta figured out the whole no Santa thing. ANYA: That's a myth. DAWN: Yeah. ANYA: No, I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus. Everyone looks surprised. XANDER: The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. (turns to Anya) Inside scoop. TARA: There's a Santa Claus? ANYA: Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. He wasn't always called Santa, but you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney -- all true. DAWN: (smiles hopefully) All true? Buffy re-enters and begins clearing more dishes. ANYA: Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disemboweled children, but otherwise... TARA: The reindeer part was nice. The camera follows Buffy as, smiling, she carries dishes into the kitchen. We see Giles doing something by the counter and Joyce taking something out of the oven. JOYCE: Damn it! I hate this oven. It burnt. She puts a pie on the kitchen island. BUFFY: Oh, no, it's just blackened, you know, it's, it's Cajun pie. Giles turns and we see he's holding a bottle of wine. GILES: (to Joyce) Shall I open another? JOYCE: Oh, do you think we dare? BUFFY: As long as you two stay away from the band candy, I'm cool with anything. Joyce and Giles look embarrassed. Giles clears his throat, grabs the bottle opener and moves off, out of the picture frame. Buffy begins examining the burnt pie. JOYCE: (quietly to Buffy) You are a demon child. BUFFY: I live to torment you, is that so wrong? JOYCE: A daughter's duty, I suppose. (kisses Buffy on the forehead) BUFFY: Look, all we have to do is just cut off a little bit of the burnt... As she begins trying to cut the pie, it falls off the island and onto the floor. Cut back to present day. sh*t of Joyce's face as she lies on the sofa, her eyes open and unseeing. Buffy rushes over and begins shaking Joyce by the shoulders. BUFFY: Mom! Mom! Mom Mom Mom- She repeats the word many times and then shouts it in Joyce's face, getting no reaction. Buffy gets up, panting and sniffling. The camera follows her into the kitchen where she picks up the phone and dials 911. She fidgets anxiously while it rings. 911 OPERATOR: 911 emergency. BUFFY: Hello? 911 OPERATOR: Do you have... BUFFY: My mom, she, she's not breathing. 911 OPERATOR: Is she conscious? BUFFY: (moving back into living room) No. I-I-I can't, she, she's not breathing. 911 OPERATOR: OK, I need you to give me your address. BUFFY: What? 911 OPERATOR: I'm gonna send an ambulance over. BUFFY: Si-Sixteen thirty Rivelo, it-it's a house, Rivelo near Hadley. 911 OPERATOR: I'm sending a unit right away. Are you alone in the house? BUFFY: Yes. 911 OPERATOR: Well, did you see what happened, did she fall? BUFFY: No, no, I-I came home and she-what should I do? 911 OPERATOR: Do you know how to administer CPR? BUFFY: (upset) No, I don't remember. 911 OPERATOR: Okay, it's very simple. You wanna tilt your mother's head back. Cover her mouth with yours, and breathe into her mouth. The operator continues talking but Buffy drops the phone to her side and moves toward Joyce. BUFFY: I know this. I know this. God. She puts the phone down and takes hold of Joyce's legs, pulls Joyce down across the sofa so that she lies flat. BUFFY: I can do this. Okay. Okay. She tilts Joyce's head back, opens her mouth, pinches Joyce's nose shut and breathes into Joyce's mouth twice. Then she begins chest compressions. BUFFY: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... She makes a face, does two more breaths and resumes compressions. BUFFY: One, two, three... (We hear a cracking noise) Oh! Oh god. She reaches for the phone. BUFFY: I, are you there? I, I broke something. 911 OPERATOR: Hello? BUFFY: It cracked. 911 OPERATOR: Is she breathing? BUFFY: No. 911 OPERATOR: Paramedics should be there in a moment. You might have cracked a rib. It's not important. BUFFY: (putting her hand on Joyce's) She's cold. b*at. 911 OPERATOR: The body's cold? BUFFY: No, my mom! Sh-should I make her warm? 911 OPERATOR: No ... if she's not responding to CPR, the best thing is to wait for the paramedics, okay? BUFFY: (angry) When will they be here? 911 OPERATOR: They're very nearby. Buffy drops the phone to her side and looks up at the window, stands up. Bright sunshine streams in the window. It's totally quiet except the faint sound of the 911 operator's voice. Buffy brings the phone back up to her ear. BUFFY: (very quietly) I have to make a call. She presses the hang-up button. Lingering sh*t of the telephone number pad. Buffy hits a speed dial button. We hear it dialing, ringing. GILES: (on phone) Hello? BUFFY: (softly) Giles. You have to come. GILES: (on phone) Buffy? BUFFY: She's at the house. She turns the phone off, turns to look over her shoulder. She walks to the front door, opens it and looks out. We hear a siren and the sound of the ambulance coming to a stop. Buffy goes back inside, leaving the door open. Buffy walks back into the living room. Zoom in on Joyce lying on the sofa. Zoom in on Buffy staring at her as we hear the ambulance doors close and footsteps approaching. Pan down Joyce's torso. She wears a knee-length skirt but it has bunched up a bit and her slip is showing. Buffy glances anxiously toward the door, goes over and pulls Joyce's skirt down to cover the slip. She turns and goes back to the doorway separating the living room from the foyer. BUFFY: She's in here. Two male paramedics enter, carrying equipment. Buffy watches anxiously as they put their stuff down and check Joyce. The first one puts his hand on Joyce's throat. PARAMEDIC 1: I'm getting no pulse. PARAMEDIC 2: Let's lay her out. They lift Joyce onto the floor. Paramedic 1 has a stethoscope and a flashlight. PARAMEDIC 2: (to Buffy) How long's she been like this? BUFFY: I found her, a-a few, few minutes. Paramedic 1 checks Joyce's eyes. Paramedic 2 attaches some wires to Joyce's chest. PARAMEDIC 2: Was she conscious? BUFFY: No. PARAMEDIC 1: I'm bagging her. BUFFY: What? PARAMEDIC 2: We're gonna intubate. Just trying to get her to breathe, all right? Buffy nods. Paramedic 1 reaches for more equipment. PARAMEDIC 2: This your mother? BUFFY: Yes. PARAMEDIC 2: She have any serious physical health problems, any history of heart disease? BUFFY: No. Pan across Paramedic 1 by Joyce's head, to Paramedic 2 by Joyce's waist, to the EKG machine showing a flat line. BUFFY: I mean, there, there was a tumor, (Paramedic 1 inserting a tube in Joyce's mouth) a brain tumor, but she had an operation and she's fine now. She, she's been fine. sh*t of Joyce's face with an oxygen mask covering it. Paramedic 1 holds the mask in place while Paramedic 2 is doing chest compressions. The machine makes a rhythmic breath-like sound. Paramedic 2 checks Joyce's wrist for a pulse, resumes chest compressions. Suddenly Joyce begins to cough and gasp. Paramedic 1 removes the mask. PARAMEDIC 1: I got her! My god, we got her! PARAMEDIC 2: Let's get her on the truck now. I'm calling ahead. The two paramedics stand up as Buffy rushes forward. Joyce opens her eyes and looks at her. PARAMEDIC 1: (faintly in background) Never brought one back this stiff. JOYCE: Buffy. BUFFY: I'm here. sh*t of the top of an ambulance, lights flashing, siren wailing as it rushes down the street. Cut to Buffy and Joyce in the ambulance with the paramedics. PARAMEDIC 1: It's a miracle. That's what it is, a beautiful miracle. Cut to Joyce in a hospital bed, Dawn sitting on the bed beside her, Buffy and a doctor standing next to the bed. DOCTOR: Good as new. JOYCE: Buffy, thank god you found me in ti- Zoom in on Buffy as Joyce says this. Cut back to the living room as we realize this was all in Buffy's imagination. She is still standing there watching the paramedics work. Utter silence except the sound of Paramedic 2 continuing CPR. sh*t of the EKG machine still showing flatline. Paramedic 2 stops CPR and turns to Paramedic 1. PARAMEDIC 2: She's cold, man. sh*t of Buffy staring wide-eyed. PARAMEDIC 2: Call it. Paramedic 1 looks grim, begins to pack up his stuff. Buffy's lower lip begins to tremble. Paramedic 2 stands up slowly and walks toward Buffy. He appears blurry (from Buffy's perspective). PARAMEDIC 2: I'm sorry. BUFFY: (OS) Wha-what do we do now? PARAMEDIC 2: I'm sorry, but I have to tell you that... Buffy staring up at him wide-eyed. PARAMEDIC 2: (OS) ...your mother's d*ad. Buffy stares. PARAMEDIC 2: It looks like she did die a good while before you found her. There's .. nothing you could have done. In the background we see Paramedic 1 packing up, removing the wires from Joyce's chest. BUFFY: W-what... The camera shows Paramedic 2 from around the nose area to mid-chest; his eyes and the top of his head are off the top of the screen. PARAMEDIC 2: I'm guessing it must have been a aneurysm or some clotting. Some complication from surgery. She probably felt... Buffy staring at him with tears in her eyes. PARAMEDIC 2: ...very little pain. I'm gonna call it in. The coroner's office will come by and take her in, and they'll determine the cause of death conclusively. Buffy continues to stare at him. We hear the ambulance radio. RADIO: Dispatch 7, we have a 206, what's your status? PARAMEDIC 1: We're moving. RADIO: Location is Beaumont and 9th, your gig is on the street, go now. PARAMEDIC 1: Okay. We gotta fly. PARAMEDIC 2: All right. (to Buffy) I'm gonna call this right away. All of this takes place offscreen while the camera focuses on Buffy's stunned expression. Now it switches again to the sh*t of the paramedic's lower face. PARAMEDIC 2: Now the coroner's office may take a while. In the meanwhile, I think you should sit. Have a glass of water, and try not to disturb the body. Buffy still staring up at him. PARAMEDIC 2: Do you need anything, is there someone you can call? BUFFY: (softly) Someone's coming. In the background Paramedic 1 walks to the doorway carrying his stuff. PARAMEDIC 1: Let's go. Paramedic 2 turns to pick up his stuff, turns back to Buffy. PARAMEDIC 2: I'm very sorry for your loss. BUFFY: Thank you. He exits, leaving the front door open. Buffy walks to the door, still holding the phone, and looks out. BUFFY: Good luck. Sound of the ambulance doors closing, engine starting, driving away. Buffy turns and walks back inside, still holding the phone, still looking dazed. She looks toward Joyce. We hear the ambulance siren starting up. Buffy turns and walks toward the kitchen, putting down the phone on a table. She gets to the back of the living room just before the kitchen door. Suddenly she falls to her knees and vomits on the floor. We hear the sound of wind chimes over the retching noises. Buffy is at the very bottom of the screen with the majority of the picture showing the wall, a small side table, and the open window in which the wind chimes are hanging. Buffy stands up slowly, her back to the camera. She puts a hand on her stomach, walks through the kitchen to the back door, opens it and looks out. We hear birds singing, distant voices, ordinary city noises. Closeup on Buffy's face, sweaty and pale. She stand there for a moment, then turns back inside, leaning on the door for support. She looks at the kitchen island, goes over to it and takes a bunch of paper towels off the roll. Leaving the back door open, she goes back into the living room and puts the paper towels over the spot on the carpet where she vomited. Lingering sh*t of the paper towels on the carpet as the moisture begins to seep through. GILES: (OS) Buffy! Buffy turns. Giles stands in the front door, panting. GILES: What is it? Is it Glory? BUFFY: (stands) I'm waiting. The, the coroner's coming. GILES: What? (takes a few steps inside) BUFFY: (looks down, thinking) I have to tell Dawn. She's at school. (looks up) I'll go there. GILES: I'm not sure... Giles looks to his left and sees Joyce for the first time. GILES: Oh god. He rushes toward her, out of the frame. BUFFY: No. No. Don't. No, it's too late. The camera moves down the hallway (Buffy's POV) as she rushes after Giles. GILES: (OS) Joyce? BUFFY: They're, they're coming for her, no, no, we're- Buffy rounds the corner and finds Giles bending over Joyce, shaking her. GILES: Joyce! BUFFY: (desperate) We're not supposed to move the body! Giles turns to look at her. Buffy looks aghast, puts her hand to her mouth as she realizes what she said. Giles gets up quickly, goes over to Buffy and puts his arms around her. Buffy stares in shock past Giles's shoulder at Joyce. sh*t of Joyce lying on the carpet. Her eyes are still open. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on overhead sh*t of Joyce being zipped into a body bag. We only see the hands of whoever's doing it. They pull the zipper up over her face. Cut to: Dawn leaning against a wall, crying. DAWN: Oh, god. I can't believe it. GIRL: (OS) It's not that bad. DAWN: (disbelieving) How can you say it's not that bad? GIRL (OS) I just don't think it's that big a deal. Sound of a toilet flushing. DAWN: Kevin Berman called me a freak in front of everybody. (shrugs) No, that's no big deal. A door behind her opens. We see that she's standing in a bathroom. The door that opened was a toilet stall door. Another girl (Lisa) comes out of the stall and walks forward. LISA: He didn't say you were a freak. We see that it's actually a mirror behind Dawn; Lisa is in front of her, reflected in the mirror. Lisa goes over to the sinks, which Dawn is standing next to, and begins washing her hands. DAWN: Forget it. LISA: He just said you were ... freaky. Which, you know, freaky can be ... sort of cool. DAWN: Oh yeah. Real cool. (teary) I'm a suicidal head-case. LISA: You know it was Kirsty. She was telling people how you were into cutting yourself, and how you- DAWN: That's such a lie! I got cut. By accident. One time. Dawn walks into the toilet stall and takes some toilet paper to wipe her face. Lisa takes some paper towels from a dispenser to dry her hands. DAWN: Now Kevin thinks I'm a- LISA: Well, that was when you were wigging out about your family, and of course Kirsty's gotta turn everything into a story. Dawn comes out of the stall wiping her eyes. We see her reflected in the mirror next to Lisa. LISA: She was telling people that you were adopted. DAWN: What a prima bee-yotch. I swear, if I could make her head explode using only the power of my mind? That's what I'd be doing right about now. Lisa nods. Dawn wipes her eyes more and sighs. DAWN: (teary) Great. Now I look like a wet rat. LISA: Yeah, you know you can't go out there looking all cry-faced. That'll just give Kirsty more a*mo. A bell rings. DAWN: You know? My big sister could really b*at the crap out of her. (Lisa nods) I mean, really really. (Blows her nose) Okay. What do you think? (Turns to face Lisa) Can I show my face? LISA: You're good to go. We're gonna be late anyway. They walk off. Cut to: the two girls coming out of the bathroom, backpacks on their shoulders. sh*t of a typical school hallway full of kids. LISA: Kirsty alert. They pass a couple of blonde girls who smirk at them. KIRSTY: (sweetly) Hey Dawn. DAWN: Hey. KIRSTY: How you doing, you okay? DAWN: Good, thanks for asking. Dawn and Lisa continue walking, rolling their eyes. DAWN: (sotto voce) Bee-yotch. A bell rings again. Dawn and Lisa enter a classroom. The walls are glass from the ceiling to about three feet off the ground, so we can see into the room from the hallway. It's an art classroom with rows of easels set up. Dawn stares wide-eyed. sh*t of a cute boy (Kevin) at the back of the classroom. TEACHER: Okay. Remember, we're not ... drawing the object. Dawn and Lisa go to the back and take easels on either side of Kevin. Dawn looks nervously at him. TEACHER: We're drawing ... the negative space ... around the object. We see the teacher standing beside the model, which is a 2- or 3-foot high statue of a naked woman. The students begin to draw as the teacher's voice continues. KEVIN: (not looking at Dawn) Hey. DAWN: (trying to be cool) Oh. Hey Kevin. TEACHER: ...and then give me a sense of the spaces around ... the space in-between. KEVIN: What's goin' on? DAWN: Um, negative space. (nervous smile) KEVIN: (smiles) Yeah, what's that all about? DAWN: (scoffs) Yeah. KEVIN: (looks at her paper) That's pretty good. DAWN: (smiles) Thanks. Behind Kevin, we see Lisa holding up her pad of paper, on which she has written "HE WANTS YOU!" Dawn gives her friend a scolding look, then turns back to her drawing. KEVIN: So I heard you, like, had a freak-out and cut yourself. DAWN: Uh, no, not even. It was a whole ... it was so not... KEVIN: I've felt like that before. (Dawn looks surprised) Things get so crazed, you know, you just feel like you wanna do something ... extreme. DAWN: Yeah. I just ... I had a lot of intense stuff going on. (Kevin smiles, returns to his drawing) A lot of people don't understand that. Pain. KEVIN: Yeah. DAWN: Then Kirsty's gotta blab it everywhere, 'cause she's- KEVIN: Kirsty, man. It's like she thinks, "I'm so hot, everybody should just bow down before me." And I'm like, whatever. Dawn smiles and laughs. Behind her we see Buffy in the hallway, looking at Dawn. DAWN: She's so superficial. Everything's always about clothes, or who likes who, and... (Buffy enters the classroom, goes over to the teacher) there's just way more important stuff going on. There's a lot of ... crucial ... you know ... stuff. KEVIN: Yeah. DAWN: Uh, this one time in history, uh, (Buffy begins walking down the aisle toward Dawn) she had this book called Annals of History, and she didn't know how to say the word "annals" (Kevin looks surprised) so she kept saying- BUFFY: Dawn. Dawn turns, still smiling. Buffy stares at her. Dawn stops smiling. BUFFY: I have to talk to you. Dawn looks apprehensive. sh*t of a hand drawing a piece of charcoal across paper. sh*t of the teacher watching. DAWN: Um... BUFFY: (OS) What? sh*t of Lisa looking over. sh*t of the statue. DAWN: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of a class. BUFFY: I know. Please come with me. sh*t of Kevin and Lisa watching. Dawn puts down her charcoal and walks with Buffy toward the door. DAWN: I thought Mom was picking me up. Buffy closes the classroom door behind them as they exit into the hall. DAWN: What's going on? Something's going on. BUFFY: Let's go outside. DAWN: No. Tell me what's going on. sh*t of Kirsty and her friends in the hallway, looking over. BUFFY: It's ... bad ... news. Dawn crosses her arms anxiously over her chest. DAWN: Well, what is it? What happened? sh*t through the window of the classroom. Lisa and Kevin are watching. Lisa begins to walk forward. BUFFY: It's bad. Please, can we- DAWN: (loudly) Where's Mom? BUFFY: (teary) Mom ... had an accident. Or, um... Lisa walks toward the window, staring. BUFFY: (OS) ...something went ... wrong from the tumor. Closeup on Dawn's face. She has tears in her eyes. DAWN: Is she okay? Is she ... but she's okay? But ... it's, it's serious, but... BUFFY: Dawn... sh*t from inside the classroom. We see the two of them in the hallway through the glass. Dawn slowly begins to cry as the news sinks in. She puts her hand over her mouth. We can hear her, but very faintly, as we hear it through the glass. DAWN: (faintly) No. She shakes her head and backs away from Buffy. DAWN: (faintly) No, it's not true. No, you're a liar, she's fine! Dawn crumples to the floor sobbing. sh*t of Kevin watching, looking away. sh*t of the teacher. The teacher and the other students move toward the glass and watch as Buffy kneels, trying to comfort Dawn. Pan across to Dawn's half-finished sketch of the statue. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Overhead sh*t of Joyce lying on a metal table. Hands wearing rubber gloves come into the picture and unbutton her blouse, then begin to cut away her camisole with a pair of scissors. Joyce's eyes are still open. sh*t of Tara's face, a window behind her. sh*t of Willow standing in her dorm room next to the closet. She wears an undershirt and is holding a blouse on a hanger, but she's staring at it without really seeing it. Willow doesn't move. In the foreground we see Tara's shoulder and the back of her head. sh*t of Anya sitting in the passenger seat of a car, looking out the window as the car moves down city streets. sh*t of Xander driving the car. Total silence through all of this. Overhead sh*t of the car pulling up beside some other cars that are parked by the sidewalk. Pan across the sidewalk and up. We see a grassy lawn with some people walking around. The camera pulls back and we see that it's sh**ting out through Willow's dorm room window. As we pull back, we find Tara standing by the window, looking out. She turns. TARA: I think they're here. Cut back to Willow still frozen holding the shirt. She reacts, returning from her thoughts, looks at the shirt, turns and tosses it onto the bed. We see a pile of clothing there already. Cut to Xander and Anya in the car. XANDER: Do you wanna come up? Anya looks around, looks at him. ANYA: (softly) You're double-parked. XANDER: (opens his door) Let 'em give me a ticket. They both get out. Cut back to the dorm room. Willow takes two more shirts out of the closet and turns to Tara. WILLOW: What do you think? The, the, the purple, right? 'Cause, 'cause it's somber? sh*t of Tara standing by the window. WILLOW: No. No, it's too depressing, i-it's like, um, a ... funeral, god, I ... (holds up the other shirt, which is yellow) Well, this is, this is cheerier, maybe, I-I wanna be cheery, like, like everything is normal? Tara just watches. WILLOW: No, that's rude, that's, that's disrespectful. "La la la! I don't care!" She tosses both blouses on the bed with a sigh. WILLOW: If I had that blue one - (turns back to the closet, then back) Jo-Joyce really liked the blue one. She told me one time. You, you sure it's not in your room? TARA: (takes a few steps closer) I-I-I could look again. WILLOW: No, no, I-I, I should, I should wear the purple (picks up the purple blouse from the bed) The purple, I, I, I think the purple, it's just that it's so, I don't know, (looks at Tara) i-it doesn't mean something bad? TARA: I think it's, um ... royal. Purple means ... royalty. WILLOW: (tears running down her face) Well, I can't see Buffy at the morgue and be all royal! "Oh, I'm the king of everything, I'm better than you!" I have to be supportive, I, Buffy needs me to be supportive, I... She begins crying as Tara looks on with concern. Willow picks up another shirt. WILLOW: God, why do all my shirts have such stupid things on them? (tosses it back down) Why can't I just dress like a grownup? Can't I be a grownup? TARA: Shh. Tara comes over and puts her hands on Willow's shoulders, rubbing her shoulders and neck. TARA: Shh, darling. WILLOW: (crying) I can't do this. Tara kisses her on the forehead, then on the mouth. Willow returns the kiss. Then Tara leans her forehead against Willow's. TARA: We can do this. They both nod. Tara continues rubbing Willow's shoulders. WILLOW: Okay. We can be there for Buffy. And Dawn. (crying) Little Dawn. TARA: We can be strong. WILLOW: Strong like an Amazon? TARA: Strong like an Amazon, right. They both smile slightly. WILLOW: Okay. (nods, sniffles) I wish I had the blue. Cut to: Anya and Xander climbing the stairs inside the dorm. ANYA: So ... what do we do? XANDER: I'm not sure. We'll, uh, talk to Giles. Cut to: Anya and Xander coming out of the stairwell, walking down the dorm hallway. Various students are roaming around or standing in the halls talking. ANYA: Xander, what will *we* do? What will *we* be expected to do? Xander looks at her but doesn't answer. He walks up to the door of room 213. The door is slightly ajar. Xander knocks, pushes it open and enters. We see Tara against the far wall. Willow appears from around the corner. She wears a greenish shirt with a red cardigan over it. XANDER: Hey. Xander and Willow hug while Tara and Anya stand there looking uncomfortable. They pull apart. XANDER: How you doing? Willow shrugs, shakes her head and rolls her eyes, hugging herself. XANDER: I know the feeling. WILLOW: I'm afraid I'm gonna start to cry again. ANYA: (softly) Xander cried at the apartment. It was weird. WILLOW: I-i-it's a, it's a thing we do. Overhead sh*t of the four of them standing there. Each is in some way holding onto him- or herself (arms folded, etc.). ANYA: What's going to happen? WILLOW: Well, I ... I guess we're gonna ... meet them at the morgue, (whispers) That's where they were ... taking ... her. TARA: Um, Giles said that he, he was gonna go with Joyce, and Buffy was gonna go to ... the school to ... tell Dawn. Xander looks upset, closes his eyes. XANDER: God. TARA: Do you know how to, how to get- XANDER: Yeah. It's at the hospital, it's a wing. We do morgue time in the Scooby g*ng. Willow looks anxiously at Tara. WILLOW: I have to change. She removes her cardigan, tosses it aside, goes off to get another shirt. XANDER: What else did Giles say? TARA: (shrugs, shakes her head) Not a lot. XANDER: Are they sure this was ... natural? I mean, Glory. TARA: Uh, Giles was pretty sure that it wasn't, wasn't her. XANDER: But, I mean, she said she was gonna come after Buffy's family. TARA: I don't- XANDER: I mean, we should be going after her. I mean, she coulda done it, and, and, covered her tracks. Anya looks confused. Willow reappears, now wearing a pink turtleneck. WILLOW: Why would she? She'd want us to know. Xander looks upset. XANDER: I'll tell you what it is. It's the frickin' doctors. I mean, they just let her out, you know? Clean bill of health. Dig a hole in your skull. Here's a band-aid. Next! Closeup of Tara looking concerned and upset. WILLOW: (OS) Xander... XANDER: They should have checked her over, they should have had her in. Well, don't we have enough monsters in this town, the doctors gotta help 'em out? WILLOW: Xander, I-I don't think it was ... any ... it just happened. XANDER: (looks around at the three of them) Things don't happen! (frowns) I mean ... they don't *just* happen. (sh*t of Tara looking concerned) Somebody... (sh*t of Willow) I mean, somebody's got... WILLOW: Okay. (puts up her fists) Let's go. Come on, you and me. Come on. Xander stares at her, then sighs. He walks over to her, kisses her on the forehead. Tara watches sadly. XANDER: You know I can't take you. WILLOW: Damn straight. Xander moves back a little. ANYA: Are we gonna see the body? WILLOW: (shocked) What? Xander looks annoyed, turns away. ANYA: Are we gonna be in the room ... with the d*ad body? WILLOW: (hugs herself, uncomfortably) I don't know. No. TARA: But I guess we should take over patrolling and all that. XANDER: Yeah. WILLOW: Oh, yeah. TARA: For however long. XANDER: You know it. Willow looks at herself unhappily, then at Tara. WILLOW: I can't wear this. She turns to change again, turns back. WILLOW: I, I really should have the other. Joyce liked it so. TARA: Do you think you coulda left it in the laundry room? WILLOW: (frowns, nods hopefully) Maybe. TARA: I'll go check. I'll, I'll just be one minute. XANDER: We're cool. Tara walks out of the room. Anya walks around the room a bit, aimlessly, then turns back. ANYA: Are they gonna cut the body open? WILLOW: (horrified) Oh my god! Would you just ... stop talking? Just ... shut your mouth. Please. ANYA: What am I doing? WILLOW: How can you act like that? ANYA: Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? (looks from Willow to Xander) Is that the helpful thing to do? XANDER: Guys... WILLOW: The way you behave- ANYA: Nobody will tell me. WILLOW: Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things! ANYA: (desperate) But I don't understand! Willow and Xander look at her in surprise. ANYA: (crying) I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, (sniffling) there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be d*ad anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. (still teary) And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why. She stops and puts her hand over her face, crying. Willow has tears in her eyes too. Xander goes over to Anya but she pushes him away, goes and sits down in a papasan chair by the window. Xander goes back to the doorway. WILLOW: (to Anya) We don't know ... how it works... (Anya wiping her face with her hands) or why. Willow goes and sits on the bed. Xander paces back and forth in front of the open door. In the hallway behind him we see various students passing by. There's total silence. sh*t of Willow sitting on the bed. sh*t of Anya sitting in the chair. There are a bunch of pillows on the chair and one is poking her in the back. She turns around and pulls it out. It's a stuffed animal with a blue sweater wrapped around it. Right beside the chair is a clothes bureau with the drawers slightly open. Anya tucks the blue sweater into one of the drawers and sits back holding the stuffed animal. sh*t of Willow staring at the floor. Suddenly there's a loud banging noise. Willow and Anya jump, look up. sh*t of Xander in the doorway with his left hand stretched out, obscured by the wall. XANDER: Sorry, sorry, some ... pent-up... WILLOW: (getting up) Xander... Willow walks around the corner and discovers Xander's hand is buried in a hole in the wall. WILLOW: Where did your hand go? XANDER: As I was saying, some frustration, and now, uh ... I appear to be stuck. ANYA: My god. (ducks under his arm to get to the other side) Is your hand okay? XANDER: Pretty much. I, I'm really sorry. Willow examines the hole where Xander's fist has broken through the wall. ANYA: (angry) You could have h*t an electrical... (gestures vaguely) thing! XANDER: And once again with the sorry. Anya crouches down to look at the hole from underneath. WILLOW: Did it make you feel better? (Anya looks up at Xander) XANDER: For a second there. WILLOW: A whole second? XANDER: In my defense, some crappy wallmanship. WILLOW: Yeah, you can hear everything next door. Willow and Anya pull at Xander's arm trying to free it. XANDER: Who did the drywall in this place? WILLOW: I always forget to ask. Tara appears in the doorway. TARA: Did I miss something? ANYA: Xander decided that he blames the wall. WILLOW: Can you ... turn your wrist? XANDER: Hold on. He twists his arm and pulls it out of the wall. His knuckles are covered in blood. All the girls go "ooh" in concern. XANDER: It's okay. (flexing his hand) Anya looks pensively at Xander's hand. sh*t of the bloody hand as Xander flexes his fingers. Pan up to Tara's face. TARA: It hurts. Xander looks at her. She gives a small sympathetic smile. WILLOW: Here, wash it off. Anya leads Xander over to the sink. ANYA: (to Willow) Band-aids? WILLOW: Underneath. Anya looks under the sink for band-aids as Xander washes his hand. In the foreground, Tara turns to Willow. TARA: I couldn't find it. WILLOW: (shrugs) It doesn't matter. We should get there. TARA: Yes. WILLOW: I, I wanna be there for Buffy. XANDER: (OS) You're right. sh*t of Tara and Willow facing each other in the foreground. In the background, Xander with his back to the camera, as Anya tends to his hand. XANDER: The avengers gotta get to the assembly. (turns to face the camera, with a towel wrapped around his hand) We'll go. We'll deal. We'll help. That's what we do. We help Buffy. He puts the towel down and goes out. Willow and Tara follow. Anya follows behind. ANYA: How are we going to help? They all go out. Anya closes the door behind her. The camera stays on the closed door. After a moment the door opens again and Willow rushes in. sh*t of Willow's red cardigan on the table by the window where she tossed it earlier. She grabs it and leaves again. We hear the sound of the door closing again as the camera pans across the table to the window. Outside, on the street below, a police officer is putting a ticket on Xander's car. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on an overhead sh*t of Joyce lying on the table. She is (presumably) naked with a sheet covering her up to the shoulders. She is pale and her eyes are still open. A pair of hands, wearing bloody rubber gloves, is attaching a small bandage to the side of Joyce's forehead. Then the hands remove the gloves. Pull out to find Dr. Kriegel (same doctor from "Listening to Fear" and "Into the Woods") pulling the sheet up to cover Joyce's face. He turns off a lamp that's hanging over her, turns away. We see that he's wearing a rubber smock over his blue hospital scrubs. He removes the smock and puts it in a hazardous-waste can as he moves out of the morgue, picking up a clipboard. He moves into an office area, puts the clipboard on a desk, picks up a white coat and puts it on as he exits the morgue, closing a door behind him. He walks down a dark hallway, passes an orderly pushing a cart. The hallway is full of folded-up gurneys, boxes, cartons, etc. Dr. Kriegel emerges into the hospital proper. He comes around a corner and sees a waiting room where Giles, Dawn, Buffy, and the Scoobies are gathered. Tara hugs Dawn as Xander hugs Buffy. XANDER: If there's anything we can do. DAWN: Glad you're here. Xander hugs Giles as Willow hugs Buffy. Willow pulls back to look Buffy in the face. WILLOW: Love you so much. BUFFY: I know. DAWN: (to Tara) They're not telling us anything. Giles is looking around when suddenly Anya hugs him. He looks surprised, then hugs her back. Over her head he notices the doctor. GILES: Doctor? Everyone looks over at the doctor. He walks forward. Buffy, Giles, and Dawn come forward to meet him. The others stay behind in a little group. DR. KRIEGEL: Okay, I've examined your mother's body. DAWN: Can we see her? BUFFY: Dawn, not now. DR. KRIEGEL: The on-site report seems more or less accurate. Your mother did have what looks like an aneurysm. A sudden hemorrhaging from a ruptured arterial vessel near the, uh ... where the tumor was removed. BUFFY: Shouldn't we have known about that, that ... was a danger? DR. KRIEGEL: Sometimes these things are detectable, and sometimes they're not. Close sh*t of Buffy's face. DR. KRIEGEL: (OS) Joyce was aware of the possibility of a rupture, and the effects. She didn't even get on the phone, so clearly this was very sudden. sh*t of Dawn staring at the floor. DR. KRIEGEL: (OS) She, uh, may have felt a little nausea, and probably passed out as it happened. Close sh*t of Buffy's face. DR. KRIEGEL: (OS) I doubt there was much pain, and ... even if someone had been by her side... Flash: Joyce in the living room, Buffy by her side. Buffy takes Joyce's hand in concern as Joyce sits on the sofa. JOYCE: My head... BUFFY: Mom? Flash: Buffy, Joyce, and Paramedic 1 in the ambulance. Flash: Dawn, Joyce, Buffy, and the doctor in the hospital. (the above two flashes are the same as from earlier in the episode) DR. KRIEGEL: (OS) ...it's doubtful that this could have been dealt with in time. Cut back to closeup of Buffy's face. sh*t of the doctor looking sympathetic, looking over at Giles. GILES: (nods) Uh, thank you, Doctor. BUFFY: (OS) Are you sure... Closeup of Buffy's face. BUFFY: ...that there wasn't a lot of pain? DR. KRIEGEL: (nods) Absolutely. The doctor's mouth continues to move, but what we hear is what Buffy is thinking, not what he's actually saying. DR. KRIEGEL: (in Buffy's thoughts) I have to lie to make you feel better. Closeup of Buffy staring at the doctor. GILES: What, uh, (clears throat) what, uh, needs to be done now? DR. KRIEGEL: Well, there, uh, there'll be some forms, and some decisions you'll need to make. GILES: Uh, Buffy, why don't you let me handle those as much as I can. BUFFY: Please. DR. KRIEGEL: (to Buffy) We will need you to ... sign a couple of release forms. GILES: Yes, thank you, Doctor. The doctor nods, starts to move away. GILES: (to Buffy) I'll, uh, figure out which ones you need to see. BUFFY: We'll be here. Giles goes off with the doctor as the others approach. XANDER: What'd the doctor say? BUFFY: Nothing. Uh, it's, you know, it's what we thought, the tumor. WILLOW: Why don't we sit down? Willow takes both Buffy and Dawn by the hands and leads them to a sofa. She and Buffy sit. Tara sits on Buffy's other side. Anya, Xander, and Dawn remain standing. BUFFY: Giles says he's gonna go over the paperwork. XANDER: Man, if there's one day they should *not* give you homework. WILLOW: Dawnie, do you wanna sit? Dawn shakes her head. BUFFY: (to Dawn) I don't think we're gonna have to be here very long. DAWN: What about... (stops) BUFFY: What about what? DAWN: Nothing. I have to pee. BUFFY: Do you want someone to go with you? DAWN: (sullen) No. I still remember how to pee. (turns away) BUFFY: Do you know where it is? DAWN: Yeah. She walks off. BUFFY: I think maybe she's ... mad at me or something. WILLOW: 'Cause you were the one that told her? XANDER: How'd she take it? BUFFY: Meltdown. She just wouldn't believe me. I still don't think she does. ANYA: (a little too loudly) I wish that Joyce didn't die... Everyone looks at her. ANYA: (more quietly) ...because she was nice. And now we all hurt. XANDER: (embarrassed) Anya, ever the wordsmith. Anya looks hopefully at Buffy. BUFFY: (to Anya) Thank you. Xander looks a little surprised. WILLOW: (to Buffy) Do you want anything? Something to eat, or ... soda? BUFFY: Honestly, I ... couldn't tell. WILLOW: Well, I-I think you should try to eat something. BUFFY: Yeah, maybe Dawn could use a snack. WILLOW: I'll, I'll find something. (gets up) Xander, do you have any money? XANDER: We'll come with. WILLOW: (to Buffy) We'll be right quick. Willow, Xander, and Anya go off. sh*t of Buffy and Tara sitting on the sofa next to each other. They look at each other, then away. BUFFY: (softly, speaking to the floor) I'm sorry ... you have to go through all of this. TARA: You don't have to worry about me. BUFFY: Everybody wants to help. (Tara looks at her) I don't even know if I'm ... here. (Tara looks away) I don't know what's going on. Never done this. (pauses) That's just an amazingly dumb thing to say. Obviously ... I've never done this before. b*at. TARA: (softly) I have. Buffy looks over at her. TARA: My mother died when I was seventeen. BUFFY: I didn't know. I'm sorry. TARA: No, no, I didn't mean to ... (sighs) I'm only telling you this because ... I know it's not m-my place, but ... (pauses) There's things ... thoughts and reactions I had that ... I couldn't ... understand ... or even try to explain to anyone else. (Buffy looks down, pensive) Thoughts that ... made me feel like I was losing it ... or, like I was some kind of ho-horrible person. I know it's different for you ... because it's always different, but ... if you ever need... She trails off. They sit there looking at each other. Then they both look down at the floor. Buffy looks back up at Tara. BUFFY: Was it sudden? TARA: What? BUFFY: Your mother. TARA: No. (thinks) Yes. (pauses) It's always sudden. Cut to: Dawn coming out of the bathroom. She looks around the corner into the waiting room, sees Buffy and Tara talking. Pan over to the door that leads to the morgue. A red sign on the door reads "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY." Dawn goes over to that door. Cut to inside the hallway. Dawn opens the door and enters. It's fairly dark. She looks behind her, begins to walk slowly down the hallway. Utter silence. Overhead sh*t of Dawn walking down the hall. Pan down the hall from Dawn's point of view. She can see through the second door to where the doctor's desk is. Cut to inside the morgue, camera showing Dawn's face through the window in the second door. Cut to Dawn's POV, sh*t of the interior of the morgue with several sheet-covered bodies lying on metal tables. Dawn opens the door, goes inside, turns and bolts the door shut. She turns back and walks slowly past the row of bodies covered by sheets, toward the one at the end. Complete silence. Dawn walks up to the last table, farthest from the door. She stares at the shape on the table, closes her eyes, opens them. She reaches out a hand. Closeup on Dawn's apprehensive face. Closeup on the sheet-covered head. Dawn pulls her hand back without removing the sheet, takes a step back, swallows with difficulty. Behind her, on the farthest table (closest to the door), a body suddenly sits up and removes the sheet covering it. Dawn doesn't notice this. Still complete silence. Closer sh*t of the person on the table sitting up. It's a male vampire. He looks around, sees Dawn, smiles slightly and puts the sheet aside, swinging his legs over the side of the table. Long sh*t of Dawn's back. The camera is at floor-level and in the foreground we see the vampire's bare leg. Dawn is in the background of the sh*t, still staring at the sheet-covered body. The vampire's other leg comes into view as he walks unsteadily toward Dawn. Closeup of Dawn turning, seeing him, beginning to draw breath for a scream. Cut to Buffy and Tara sitting on the sofa. Pan over to Xander, Willow, and Anya returning with their arms full of soda cans, junk food, and coffee cups. WILLOW: We panicked. BUFFY: (looking nervously at all the stuff) Uh-huh. WILLOW: Have anything you want. ANYA: The sandwiches are meat. BUFFY: I'm just not hungry. WILLOW: What about Dawnie? (comes to sit beside Buffy) XANDER: (looking around) Is she still in the bathroom? BUFFY: (frowning) I guess. (gets up) You guys wait here. Buffy walks over to the hallway, looks at the door marked "Women," then looks across to the door marked "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY." She goes to the second door, opens it. Buffy walks down the dark hallway, first slowly, then faster. Distant sound of a scream. Buffy comes to the second door, looks through the window and sees Dawn struggling as the vampire is behind her and has her by the arms. Dawn shrieks and struggles. Buffy shoves the door but it is still locked. Buffy throws herself against it and it bursts open. The vampire pulls Dawn up against him and bends his head to bite. Buffy runs up behind him and grabs him around the neck, grunting. Dawn yelps and continues struggling. Buffy pulls the vampire back and he loses his grip on Dawn, who goes flying forward, crashing into the gurney. As she falls to the floor, she accidentally pulls the sheet so it falls down a bit, exposing Joyce's head. Buffy struggles with the vampire, he hits her in the stomach and she loses her grip, stumbling backward. He grabs her by the neck, growling. They struggle. Buffy tries to reach his face but can't, so she knees him in the groin. He spins her around and slams her into a table covered with medical instruments, which crash to the floor. Buffy and the vampire also fall to the floor. Fight noises continue as the camera moves to Dawn recovering, lying on the floor. She looks up at the gurney. sh*t of the corner of the gurney from Dawn's POV; only the top of Joyce's head is visible. Buffy is on the floor with the vampire on top of her. She punches him in the face and they roll over so she's on top. As they struggle, she reaches out and grabs a medical instrument that looks like a short saw. She puts it against the vampire's throat as he grabs her face. His hand falls aside and Buffy shoves the saw through his neck, cutting off his head. He explodes into dust and Buffy falls aside, lying on her back, the saw clattering away. Buffy lies there for a moment, staring at the ceiling with a small frown. Then she rolls over. BUFFY: Dawn? Buffy sits up halfway, stops when she sees Dawn. The camera pulls back to find Dawn still crouching, staring up at the gurney. Slowly, Dawn pulls herself up to a kneeling position so she can see Joyce's face. Joyce's eyes are still open. We stay on this sh*t with Joyce in the foreground, Dawn immediately behind her, and Buffy in the background still sitting on the floor. DAWN: (not taking her eyes off Joyce) Is she cold? BUFFY: (whispering) It's not her ... it's not her ... she's gone. DAWN: (frowns slightly) Where'd she go? Dawn lifts her hand and reaches out, very slowly. Close sh*t of Joyce's head with Dawn's hand moving slowly toward her cheek. The picture goes to black just before Dawn's fingers touch the body. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x16 - The Body"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser Buffy in the Summers house, turning toward the living room. BUFFY: What are you doing? GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy walking into the living room, seeing Joyce on the sofa. PARAMEDIC: Your mother's d*ad. Buffy in the hospital. BUFFY: She just wouldn't believe me. Dawn in the school bathroom. DAWN: Oh god. BUFFY: I still don't think she does. Dawn talking to Ben. DAWN: I'm not real. BEN: You're the key. Go, before she finds you. She's here. Ben morphing into Glory. Episode opens on Buffy walking into a darkened room. She is surrounded by shiny coffins. She walks between them looking at each, stops next to one. There's a display of urns behind her. Buffy lifts the lid of the coffin. It's empty. The lights come on. Buffy looks up, startled. GILES: Buffy, you're here. Giles, Dawn, and the funeral-home director enter. Buffy drops the lid of the coffin and folds her arms. GILES: You all right? BUFFY: Yeah. DIRECTOR: Did you find something? BUFFY: (nods) This one. Dawn walks over and stares at the coffin. DIRECTOR: (OS) It's a fine choice. It speaks of your deep feeling for the deceased. Giles and the director turn to leave. Buffy follows but Dawn remains. The others stop and look back at Dawn. BUFFY: You don't like it? DAWN: (still looking at the coffin) No, it's not that. It's just ... what if Mom ... what if she'd like something else better? BUFFY: Dawn... DAWN: I mean, how do we know for sure? She's the one who has to be in it forever. BUFFY: Dawn, maybe it wasn't such a good idea you coming along. DAWN: (turns to look at her) It's fine. It's just ... BUFFY: I'm serious. Y-you shouldn't have to deal with this stuff. DIRECTOR: If you'd like a few more minutes to decide- BUFFY: No. I, it's done, it's fine. (to Dawn) Okay? Dawn nods. BUFFY: Okay. Buffy turns and walks out with the men following. Dawn remains staring at the coffin. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring David Boreanaz, Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, and Joel Grey as Doc. Written and directed by Marti Noxon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on Dawn in the Summers dining room, standing by a side table, looking at the card in a flower arrangement. GILES: (OS) I checked prices at different florists, and the funeral home seems to be fairly competitive. Dawn turns and we see the table, laid out with food. Xander sits at left eating. Giles and Buffy sit side-by-side at the end of the table, looking at paperwork. BUFFY: Let's just go with that, it's easier. DAWN: (sits at the other end) What color flowers? Willow enters with a pitcher of water, pours a glass, and sits opposite Xander. BUFFY: Uh, white. (looks at Giles) They're nice. GILES: Yeah. BUFFY: (to Giles) Uh, what about an announcement? People are gonna be expecting a wake after the burial unless we say something. GILES: Um, well, we could put a, a line in the program expressing your mother's preference not to have one. WILLOW: There's no wake? BUFFY: Mom didn't like them. She said that potlucks are depressing enough as it is. DAWN: She said that? When? BUFFY: Uh, right before she went in for the operation. We had a talk about what she wanted ... in case. (looks down) DAWN: She never said anything to me. XANDER: I'm sure she just didn't wanna upset you, Dawnster. Now you better get to work on that dinner. You barely touched it. BUFFY: You really should eat something. DAWN: Why should I? You're not. BUFFY: This isn't about- The cordless phone on the table rings. Buffy sighs. BUFFY: (to Giles) I'm all phoned out. Will you? Unless it's my dad. GILES: Of course. Giles answers the phone. Buffy returns to the papers. GILES: Hello? Yes, yes they did. (Buffy looks at him) Thank you. (gets up) The, uh, funeral is at, uh, three tomorrow. Do you know the Brown Brothers mortuary? Giles walks out of the room, still talking. Buffy and Dawn look disappointed. BUFFY: Can't believe he still hasn't called. XANDER: Your dad's still AWOL, huh? BUFFY: The number he left for us in Spain is no good, and I've left messages everywhere. Um, how about a line that just says, 'Following the burial, there will be no wake'? Or gathering? (sh*t of Willow thinking about it) 'At the request of Joyce, there will be no gathering'? Uch, that sounds lame. Buffy puts a hand to her forehead. Willow gives her a concerned look, looks at Dawn, gets up and begins clearing the table. DAWN: What are we gonna do? After, I mean. Are we just gonna ... come back here? BUFFY: Uh ... I, I don't know. I guess so. Um, how about 'At the request of the family, there will be no wake.' XANDER: (gets up to move into the chair next to Buffy) Good, yeah, it's got, uh... DAWN: (to herself) I don't wanna be here. BUFFY: Should I put it at the top, or just a small line at the bottom? Xander and Buffy bend over the paperwork. Willow re-enters, resumes clearing. DAWN: Can I go to your place tomorrow? WILLOW: Tomorrow? DAWN: After everything. WILLOW: Um, well, maybe you and Buffy should ... I-I don't mind. DAWN: (to Buffy) Can I? BUFFY: (looks up from discussing with Xander) Huh? DAWN: Can I go to Willow's tomorrow after the service? BUFFY: (looks at Willow, uncertainly) Um ... i-if you want to. I guess so. DAWN: I'll, uh, get my sleeping bag out of the attic. She gets up and leaves. Buffy returns to her paperwork. Cut to: Willow and Xander leaving the house. Xander closes the door and they start down the porch steps. XANDER: You going home? WILLOW: I'm gonna stop by my mom's first. Been doing that a lot lately. XANDER: Yeah. I actually might stop by your mom's too. (she looks at him) Well, I'm not going to *my* place. Those people are scary. (looks up) Speaking of. We see Spike coming up the walkway holding a bunch of flowers. XANDER: You have got to be kidding. SPIKE: (sighs) I'm not going in. XANDER: And you're not leaving those. sh*t of Spike's hand holding the flowers. XANDER: You actually think you're gonna score points with Buffy this way? SPIKE: This isn't about Buffy. (walks closer) XANDER: Bull. We're all hip to your doomed obsession. SPIKE: They're for Joyce. XANDER: Like you care about her. Spike sighs angrily. Willow steps between them. WILLOW: Guys, guys, not here. SPIKE: Care? Joyce was the only one of the lot of you that I could stand. XANDER: And she's the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I'm touched. SPIKE: I liked the lady. Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. (Xander and Willow exchange a look) She didn't put on airs. She always had a nice cuppa for me. Willow looks sympathetic. SPIKE: And she never treated me like a freak. XANDER: Her mistake. SPIKE: (scoffs) Think what you want. He throws the flowers to the ground and stomps off. XANDER: Un ... believable. Willow looks at Xander, bends to pick up the flowers. XANDER: The guy thinks he can put on a big show and con Buffy into being his sex monkey. WILLOW: (looking at flowers) Xander... (he looks at her) He didn't leave a card. Xander stares in the direction Spike went, looking surprised. Willow looks sad. Cut to: a wall covered with old black-and-white pictures of people and children. Pan across the wall. It's the hallway in the upstairs of the Summers house. Through the open door, we see Buffy sitting on her bed staring at nothing. Pan across more photos. We see Dawn sitting on her bed doing the same. Fade to: graveyard, daylight. Aerial sh*t of a group of people standing around the coffin. Fade to a sh*t of Buffy and Dawn standing together. We can see Xander and Giles behind them. Fade to a sh*t of the coffin. MINISTER: (OS) We commend to almighty God... Fade to overhead sh*t of the group. MINISTER: (OS) ...our sister, Joyce Summers... sh*t of Willow and Tara holding hands. Fade to sh*t of Anya and Xander. MINISTER: (OS) ...and we commit her body to the ground. Fade to overhead sh*t of the group. The camera moves down to head height. Buffy and Dawn are at the front of the group. Dawn wears a black dress, Buffy in black pants with a long beige coat over. MINISTER: (OS) Earth to earth... (sh*t of Giles) ...ashes to ashes... (sh*t of Buffy and Dawn. Dawn winces. Pan across the others) ...and dust to dust. Sound of a shovel digging into earth. Dawn suddenly turns and buries her face in Buffy's shoulder. Buffy puts her arms around Dawn, still staring at the coffin. Fade to sh*t of a shovel putting the first dirt on the coffin. MINISTER: (OS) The Lord bless her and keep her. Fade to overhead sh*t of the group as it breaks up. One by one the others hug Buffy and Dawn. MINISTER: (OS) The Lord makes his face to shine upon her and be gracious to her. sh*t of Dawn looking upset, Willow and Tara in the background. Fade to sh*t of Buffy hugging Giles. MINISTER: (OS) The Lord lift up his countenance upon her... sh*t of Willow and Tara. Tara leans on Willow's shoulder. MINISTER: (OS) ...and give her peace. Fade to a sh*t of Buffy and Dawn standing alone at the grave, with Willow and Tara behind. Dawn turns away from Buffy and walks over to them. Cut to a closer sh*t. Dawn takes Willow's arm as the three of them exchange nods. Tara moves over to Buffy, taps her gently on the shoulder. TARA: Hey, um, Dawn's kind of ready to go. Can we take her with us? BUFFY: Yeah. She should probably get out of here. TARA: What about you? We can wait if you want. BUFFY: I'm fine. Thank you. Tara rejoins the others, whispers to them and they turn to leave. Dawn looks back over her shoulder at Buffy as they lead her away. sh*t of Buffy staring at the grave with a small frown on her face. The camera lingers on her as the daylight lengthens to darkness behind her. sh*t of the grave with Buffy's feet beside it. Another pair of feet appears and walks up beside her. ANGEL: I'm sorry. We see Angel standing beside Buffy, both staring at the grave. ANGEL: I couldn't come sooner. Buffy doesn't look at him, but she nods slightly and slips her hand into his. They stand looking at the grave, holding hands. Cut to Willow and Tara's dorm room. Dawn lies on her sleeping bag on the floor, with Willow and Tara crouched on either side. WILLOW: Oh, Dawn. I wish I could ... help more. (Dawn doesn't look at her) The only thing is ... it'll get better. I promise. DAWN: (looks at her) You don't know that. TARA: Sure she does. We're witches. We know stuff. DAWN: What? (looks from one to the other, sits up) Life goes on, and I forget Mom? (angry) Is that what you're saying? WILLOW: Not forget, no! I, you... (looks to Tara for help) TARA: You make a place for her in your heart. It's sort of like she becomes a part of you. Does that make sense? WILLOW: (nods hopefully) Dawn ... hey, we don't have to talk about this now, uh, you could just go to sleep. DAWN: No. (gets up) I don't wanna sleep. TARA: Okay, we can just ... sit, or, or whatever you want. Dawn goes over to a low table where the magical supplies are laid out. DAWN: Good. 'Cause I know ... what I wanna do now. WILLOW: Great. (she and Tara get up) What are you up for? DAWN: You guys are witches ... and you do ... magic and ... stuff. WILLOW: You want us to teach you something? Uh, like a-a glamour, or, or, I could ... make a stuffed animal dance. DAWN: I wanna do a spell. I wanna bring Mom back. sh*t of Willow and Tara looking concerned. sh*t of Dawn looking determined. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on Anya and Xander in bed. Anya is on top of Xander, both covered by sheets. ANYA: Mm. (breathing heavily, lies down and puts her head on Xander's chest) That was different. XANDER: (breathing heavily) Yeah. It was more ... intense. ANYA: (nods) It's because of Joyce. XANDER: Right. (pause) Huh? ANYA: Well, she got me thinking ... about ... how people die all the time, and ... how they get born too, and how you kind of need one so you can have the other. When I think about it that way, it ... makes death a little less sad, and ... sex a little more exciting. XANDER: Again I say, huh? ANYA: Well, I just think I understand sex more now. It's not just about two bodies smooshing together. It's about life. (Xander looks a little alarmed) It's about *making* life. XANDER: (alarmed) Right, when ... two people are much older, and ... way richer, and far less stupid. ANYA: (lifts her head to look at him, laughs) Breathe. You're turning colors. I'm not ready to make life with you, but I could. *We* could. Life could come out of our love and our smooshing, and that's beautiful. (Xander looks relieved) It all makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger. Like I'm more awake somehow. (smiles) You know? XANDER: Yeah, I do. He lifts his head and they kiss. Cut to Willow and Tara still reacting to Dawn. TARA: (steps forward) Of course you wanna bring your mother back, and ... I wish we could, but it's not possible. DAWN: Why? You guys do magic for all kinds of things. WILLOW: We do, but... TARA: This is different. Magic can't be used to alter the natural order of things. DAWN: But all you do is mess with the natural order of things. You, you make things float, a-and disappear, and- TARA: But we don't mess with life and death. (sh*t of Willow looking upset) Dawn, I know how bad you hurt. DAWN: You don't. (upset) They put her in the ground. TARA: They did, and it's awful and unfair, but this isn't the way. WILLOW: I'm not even sure it's possible, Dawn. I mean, I've ... seen things on resurrection, but ... there's books and stuff ... but I guess ... the spells ... backfire? TARA: That's not the point. WILLOW: That's not the point. The, the point is it's bad ... because ... TARA: Because witches can't be allowed to alter the fabric of life for selfish reasons. Wiccans took an oath a long time ago to honor that. DAWN: So it's possible ... to bring someone back? They wouldn't have taken an oath if thy didn't know they could do it. TARA: Maybe they could, but we can't. WILLOW: She's right, Dawn. It's too dangerous. DAWN: You said you wanted to help me. Dawn makes an annoyed sound and goes to lie down on her sleeping back with her back turned. Willow kneels beside her. WILLOW: Dawn... Willow touches Dawn's shoulder but she jerks away, turns over so her back is to Willow again. Willow looks over at Tara. Tara looks concerned. Cut to: graveyard, night. Pan across trees and graves. We discover Buffy and Angel sitting on the ground under a tree, leaning against it. Buffy has her legs curled under her and leans against Angel's shoulder. They both look at the grave as they talk. BUFFY: The funeral was ... (sighs) it was brutal, but it's tomorrow that I'm worried about. ANGEL: What's tomorrow? BUFFY: That's exactly what I don't know. Up until now, I ... I've had a road map. Things to do every minute, having to do with Mom. ANGEL: Tomorrow the stuff of everyday living resumes. BUFFY: And everybody expects me to know how to do it, because ... (sarcastically) I'm so strong. ANGEL: You just need some time. I'm sure everybody understands that. BUFFY: Time's not the issue. I can stick wood in vampires ... but Mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better ... just what to say. ANGEL: Yeah ... you'll find your way. I mean, not all at once, but... BUFFY: (shakes her head) I don't know. I keep thinking about it ... when I found her. If I had just gotten there ten minutes earlier... ANGEL: You said they told you it wouldn't have made a difference. BUFFY: They said ... "probably" ... wouldn't have made a difference. The exact thing they said ... was "probably." I haven't told that to anyone. ANGEL: Doesn't make it your fault. You couldn't have done anything different. BUFFY: (annoyed sigh) I didn't even start CPR until they told me. I fell apart. That's how good I am at being a grownup. ANGEL: Buffy... BUFFY: And it'd be okay if it was just me I had to worry about. But Dawn... ANGEL: Look, it's okay. I know you don't feel like it now, but you are strong, Buffy. You're gonna figure this out. And you have people to help you. You don't have to do this alone. BUFFY: (looks at the sky) It's gonna be light soon. ANGEL: I can stay in town as long as you want me. BUFFY: How's forever? Does forever work for you? She turns her head to look at Angel, sighs and sits up to look him in the face. BUFFY: (apologetically) That's a bad idea. I'm seriously needy right now. ANGEL: Let me worry about the neediness. I can handle it. They look at each other, then Buffy leans in and kisses him. They kiss softly for a moment. Then it gets a little more heated and they pull away, both breathing harder. BUFFY: (looks down) I told you. (Angel sighs) You better go. ANGEL: (another sigh) I'm sorry. BUFFY: (firmly) No. I'm so grateful that you came, Angel. I didn't think I was gonna be able to make it through the night. ANGEL: (looks up at the sky) Well, we still have a few more minutes until I have to go. BUFFY: Good. She puts her head on his chest and leans against him. He puts his arm around her shoulders. BUFFY: Good. They sit quietly together. Cut to: exterior hospital, night. Ben walks out, wearing a jacket over his hospital scrubs. He turns a corner and see Jinx lurking. Jinx sees Ben and walks toward him. BEN: (angrily) Tell my sister I'm sick of running into her Jawa rejects. JINX: She ... bade me come to you. The news of your relationship with the Slayer- BEN: We don't have a relationship. JINX: But ... you attempted to court her, did you not? BEN: You're more fun when I h*t you. JINX: It's just, Glory ... would like to encourage this interest of yours in the Slayer. It might lead to more information about the key. BEN: And why would I share that with the most unstable one? JINX: Time ... is running short, sir. Every moment you fight Glory, you're only fighting yourself, you see? BEN: Fine. Let the best me win. Let Glory understand this: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent- (stops himself) JINX: An innocent? The key? That's an interesting choice of words. BEN: No, that, that's not what I- JINX: I understand, sir. I'm sorry to have bothered you, I'll ... take my leave. He begins to leave but Ben stops him. BEN: You understand what? When I said it's innocent, I didn't mean that the key is ... it's not a person. JINX: Of course not. BEN: You're gonna run and tell her, aren't you? Do you understand what's going to happen if she finds the key? How many people are going to die? JINX: Please, I heard nothing. BEN: I can't let that happen. sh*t of Ben's hand taking a dagger from Jinx's belt. BEN: Don't you see? Ben s*ab Jinx with the dagger. Jinx gasps. BEN: I can't. He pushes Jinx to the ground, looks around nervously. Cut to: Dawn lying on the floor, covered with a blanket. We see her from the back. WILLOW: (OS) We're heading down to breakfast. We see Willow sitting beside Dawn. Dawn turns over to look at her. DAWN: I'm not hungry. WILLOW: Oh. Okay. (We see Tara standing nearby, holding schoolbooks. Dawn sits up) It's just, we have class after that, and I, I didn't know if you want to go home, or... DAWN: I was gonna sleep some more. Giles said he'd pick me up whenever. WILLOW: Oh, okay, great. Sure, uh, hang out. (smiling) I have a, a break around lunchtime. I can come back. DAWN: (sullen) I might not be here. WILLOW: (still smiling) Well, I'll try my luck. Dawn looks away. TARA: Take care, Dawn. Willow gets up, picks up her bag, looks back at Dawn. Dawn doesn't look at her. Willow walks to the door, pauses, framed in the sh*t with her bookcase behind her. Close sh*t of Willow's hand hanging by her side, the bookcase in the background. She wiggles her fingers, closing them into a fist. One of the books slides out so that it sticks out from the rest. Willow walks out of the sh*t, revealing Dawn behind her still sitting on the floor. sh*t of the bookcase with the one book sticking out. Sound of the door closing. Dawn gets up and goes to the bookcase, pulls out the book, opens it. It is titled History of Witchcraft. DAWN: (reading table of contents) 'Age of Levitation ... w*r of the Warlocks...' (flips pages) 'Resurrection -- A Controversy Born.' She flips the pages quickly, finds the spot, reads quickly, then looks up with a thoughtful expression. Cut to: exterior magic shop, day. Cut to inside. Dawn is pretending to dust while really examining the merchandise. We see Anya doing something behind her. Dawn moves over to a cart full of books and dusts them while reading the spines. Anya follows, supervising. In the background we see Giles. He looks over. GILES: You don't have to do that, Dawn, just, just relax. ANYA: Yes, sit down. We have some very amusing chicken feet you can play with. DAWN: That's okay. ANYA: Don't you watch television? I thought all children despise effort and enjoy cartoons. DAWN: (rearranges some books) Um, I like being useful. It keeps my mind off things. GILES: (approaches) Then useful you shall be. I can always use a hand. He comes over to the customer side of the counter. Anya and Dawn stand behind it. ANYA: (anxious) But you have a hand. A paid hand. A hand that isn't the hand of illegal child labor. GILES: (rolls his eyes) Anya. ANYA: (nods in understanding, turns to Dawn) But of course, it's wonderful that you find doing my job so distracting. (smiles) I am unthreatened. Proceed. (walks away) GILES: Yes, uh, carry on, Dawn. Giles starts to move away too, but Dawn speaks up quickly to stop him. DAWN: Is there anything I should know, like, um, off-limits stuff? Willow told me that some of the books and things are ... kind of dangerous? GILES: Quite right. Um, but they're all labeled, and, and, and, uh, kept off the floor. Most of our, uh, more potent texts and potions are all up there. He points upward. sh*t of the loft, a fairly narrow section full of bookcases. GILES: If anyone asks you about anything in that area, just come and get me. (turns away) DAWN: Okay. Anything else? GILES: Oh, um, well, if you like, uh, I could teach you how to ... work the cash register, you can ring up sales. DAWN: Cool. ANYA: (approaching) Ring up sales? With the money? She gets to fondle the money? Giles gives her a look. The door-opening bell sounds. ANYA: (excited) Customer! (walks off) Hello, customer! GILES: (to Dawn, resigned) I'll just be a moment. (moves off) ANYA: (in background) I'll help you! DAWN: (as Giles passes her) No problem. Dawn watches to make sure both Giles and Anya are occupied. Then she puts down her feather-duster and picks up her backpack. She climbs the ladder to the loft, looks over the books, grabs one and puts it in her pack. She picks up a small vial and it clinks against the others. She winces and looks to see if anyone heard, then puts it in her pack too, begins to climb back down. Below, Giles goes through the bead curtain (which separates the customer area from the office area) and Dawn freezes until he moves past. Then she continues climbing down. She reaches the bottom and turns to see Giles standing a little bit away. He didn't see her climbing down. GILES: Dawn. DAWN: Uh-huh? (quietly lets her backpack drop to the floor) GILES: Do you wanna come watch this, uh, transaction that Anya's doing? Then I'll let you try. DAWN: You got it. She walks off, leaving the camera to linger on her backpack. Cut to: graveyard, night. Dawn kneels by the fresh grave, opening a jar. Overhead sh*t of her. She scoops some dirt from the grave into the jar and caps it. She reaches over to smooth down the remaining dirt, looks around nervously, brushes her hands off. We see someone come up behind her. SPIKE: I hope it's just dirt you're after. Dawn turns in surprise. SPIKE: If the spell calls for anything more than that, you're into zombie territory, and that's bad news. DAWN: (shakes her head anxiously) Spike, I-I wasn't... SPIKE: I know good and well what you're up to. That book you've got is infamous. DAWN: Please ... don't tell Buffy. I just ... I have to get her back. (anguished) I have to. SPIKE: I'm not gonna tell, little bit. Dawn looks surprised. SPIKE: I'm gonna help. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on a phonograph with a record on the turnstile. The song is "Tales of Brave Ulysses" by Cream (same song that Giles and Joyce listened to in "Band Candy"). SINGER: ...you touch the distant beaches with tales of brave Ulysses... Pull out to reveal Giles standing next to the phonograph in his apartment. He has a glass in his hand. SINGER: How his naked ears were tortured by the sirens sweetly singing... Giles goes over to a chair and sits. SINGER: For the sparkling waves are calling you to kiss their white-laced lips... The song goes into a guitar riff. Giles slowly takes a sip from his glass and sits staring at nothing. Cut to Spike and Dawn walking down the street of downtown Sunnydale, night. SPIKE: I've never used this bloke's services myself, but there's talk. Word is he knows everything there is to know about resurrection spells. Dawn looks a little nervous. SPIKE: Come on now, no worries. DAWN: You don't have to be all nice to me. I know why you're doing this. SPIKE: Do you now? Enlighten me. DAWN: (frowns, stops walking) Spike, I'm not stupid. You're, like, stalking my sister. (Spike stops, turns to look at her) You'd do anything to get in good with her. SPIKE: (takes a few steps closer; firmly) Buffy never hears about this, okay? (looks around) Found out what I was doing, she'd drive a redwood through my chest. DAWN: Then, if you don't want credit, why are you helping me? SPIKE: (looking at the ground, quietly) I just don't like to see Summers women take it so hard on the chin, is all. (looks up, speaks angrily) And I'm d*ad serious. You breathe a word of this to Buffy, I'll see to it that *you* end up in the ground. Got it? DAWN: Yeah. Got it. Cut to: Glory's apartment. Glory is walking down the stairs into the living room, followed by several sycophant demons. GLORY: Where is he? He should have been back hours ago. MURK: I'm sure Jinx is on his way, your ... new and improvedness. He's most loyal to- GLORY: Hey! He better be loyal. The door opens and two more demons enter, half-carrying Jinx between them. He has his arms around their shoulders but is conscious. GLORY: Jinxie? She rushes forward and takes one of Jinx's arms around her shoulders. The displaced demon goes to shut the door. GLORY: Oh, no, no! Oh, mind the rug, honeys, blood's a bitch. (to Jinx) Was this the Slayer, I'll pull her wings off! JINX: No. They put Jinx on a sofa. JINX: It was Ben. GLORY: Ben? (turns away) Ben? Oh god, you pointless, stupid lout! Oh, I hate you, I hate you, (pulls several handfuls of hair off her head) I hate youuuuu! JINX: The key! He told me. GLORY: The key? She turns back to him, still holding handfuls of hair. GLORY: What about the key? JINX: He indicated that it was a person, most ... (searching for words) ... highest ... you. GLORY: (smiling hopefully) The key's in human form? JINX: I believe so ... (searching for words) good one. GLORY: (delighted) Ahh! She sits on the sofa and pulls Jinx into a hug. GLORY: Jinx, you robed stud, you're my man! I'm even gonna let you slide on the lame toadying on account of your dying and stuff. Jinx looks a little surprised to hear this. He looks to Glory but she is talking to the other demons. Jinx looks from her to the other demons to his wound as Glory talks. GLORY: So, the key's all secreted away in a flesh wrapper! (gets up and paces) This narrows the search from now on in a serious way, I mean we didn't have a clue. It could have been a log, or, or a bicycle pump, or whatever, am I right? Jinx has fallen asleep or unconscious on the sofa. GLORY: Uch, get him fixed, would ya? (smiling, plops down on another sofa) I wanna hear the whole story again, without all that annoying moaning. Cut to: an apartment. A black cat jumps over a globe in the foreground and runs offscreen as the door opens and we see Spike. He holds the door open for Dawn, who enters cautiously. DAWN: This place belongs to a magic guy? It smells like grandpa. Spike closes the door. The camera pulls back so we can see piles of books and papers all over a table. SPIKE: Hey! We see a door leading into another room, partly obscured by a curtain. Behind the curtain there's a figure standing. SPIKE: Anybody home? The figure moves through the curtains. Spike and Dawn look apprehensive. The figure emerges and turns out to be a small elderly man wearing glasses and a bathrobe. He looks surprised to see them. DOC: I know you. SPIKE: I don't think so, mate. DOC: No, no, you're that guy, that, that guy, hangs around down at the corner mart. (Spike looks confused) Big into dominoes, aren't you? SPIKE: Can't say as I am. Look, we came here because- (stops because Doc is laughing) DOC: That's crazy, isn't it? I mean, I, I, I'd swear, you were that guy. (Dawn looks nervous) I mean, your hair's a different color and you're a vampire, but uh, other than that... DAWN: (to Spike) Maybe we should just go. DOC: No. Now, just because the lights are dim doesn't mean the juice is all gone. What can I do for you? SPIKE: This one's mum kicked it a few days back. DOC: Ohh. I'm so sorry. (Dawn looks down) SPIKE: So we were wondering, what's to be done about it. Heard you were the one to ask. DOC: (concerned) Ohh ... no, no, that's, uh, you don't wanna mess with that. Uh, I know some tonics, uh, make the grieving fly by- DAWN: (shakes head) I don't want any tonics. DOC: Either one of you witches? Got any experience with, uh, spells of this magnitude? Dawn shakes her head. Spike just looks grim. DOC: Didn't think so. Suddenly he reaches out and pulls some hair from Dawn's head. She gasps. DAWN: Ow! Spike steps forward but doesn't do anything. Doc takes the hair over to a lamp and holds it up to the light. Dawn gives Spike an angry look, holding the side of her head. DOC: Well, your mother's a good candidate, at least. Strong DNA. DAWN: Right. Doc turns and begins examining the stuff on his shelves. He hums the theme from Prokofiev's "Peter and the Wolf." Dawn watches. sh*t of Doc with his back turned. From underneath his bathrobe a greenish, scaly tail pokes out. Dawn sees it and her eyes widen. She turns to Spike, but he is lighting a cigarette and by the time Dawn catches his attention, Doc has turned again and the tail is hidden again. Doc continues humming, looks at a pile of books, picks up a large one and smiles triumphantly at Dawn, holding it up. He carries the book over to a table, still humming the same tune. Dawn and Spike follow. Doc puts the book on the table and flips the pages. DAWN: I've gathered some ingredients. But the spell I found ... there's things on it I don't understand. DOC: We've got the ghora demon standing between you and success, that's the translation you were missing. SPIKE: Ghora, I've heard of those. They local? DOC: Yeah, they like to stick close to the hellmouth. (Spike nods. Doc reads from the book) Egg of the ghora gives life. (looks up at Dawn) It's key to the spell. DAWN: Can you buy it, this ... egg, or- DOC: If it was as easy as making an omelet, everyone would try it. (Dawn looks chastised) No. You have to steal the egg from the nest of the demon. (looks at Spike) And the ghora won't be happy about it. SPIKE: Where do we find this demon? DOC: First things first. We'll need an image of your mother. A photo, a painting. DAWN: No problem. DOC: Once you get all the ingredients together, put them in the center (makes circular gestures) of a sacred circle. With the photo of your mother. (Dawn nods) Then... (reaches for a small notebook) say this incantation... (begins to write) three times. (Spike listens closely) She won't appear, you know, poof. (Dawn listens very carefully) It'll take ... a while, (smiling) but she will come to you. (tears off the page, hands it to Dawn) Got it? DAWN: Got it. DOC: Oh. Anything goes wrong, the only way to reverse the spell ... is to destroy the image of your mother, understand? DAWN: I'll do it right. DOC: It's a tricky spell, girl. I can't say for sure your mother will come back exactly like she was. (sh*ts of Dawn and Spike listening) Sometimes these ... things ... get a little off. DAWN: But she'll still be my mother. (frowns) Won't she? DOC: More or less. He walks off. Dawn looks apprehensive. DAWN: (weakly) Good. (a little stronger) Good. Dawn and Spike go to the door. Doc follows. SPIKE: And the ghora? DOC: Oh, right, sorry. Um, go in the sewer entrance near Tracy Street. The opening's, um, on the left. Can't miss it. Just follow that down. Spike goes to open the door as Dawn takes out a wad of money and begins removing some bills. DOC: No, no. Keep your money. (smiles, removes his glasses) DAWN: Oh. Thank you. Still smiling, Doc holds out his hand and they shake. DOC: You just keep in touch now. Let me know how it goes. Dawn smiles slightly and nods. Closeup of Doc's face. Suddenly, his eyes go all black (the whites turn black too). Dawn jerks her hand out of his in startlement. Doc pulls his own hand back as Dawn takes a step backward, apprehensive. DAWN: I-I-I will. Spike opens the door. Dawn gives Doc one last nervous look and exits. Spike follows her out, closing the door. sh*t of Doc still smiling. As soon as the door closes, his smile drops away. Cut to Spike and Dawn walking down a dark alley. Spike carries an axe. They come to a spot where the wall looks all slimy and rough. DAWN: It's here. Just like he said. SPIKE: (looking into the hole) Well, at least we know the old coot isn't completely daft. Look, you better let me snatch this egg thing on my own. DAWN: No way. I'm going. SPIKE: (firmly) No ... you are not. I've got no idea what's down there. DAWN: You need me, Spike. Somebody's gotta get the egg while you distract the ghora. Now come on. She turns and strides into the opening. Spike shakes his head, sighs and hefts his axe. SPIKE: Well, what do you know. Bitty Buffy. He follows Dawn into the hole. Cut to Dawn making her way down stairs. The walls are stone, covered with vines. Spike follows close behind. We can hear the demon growling. They reach the bottom and look up. sh*t of the demon, which looks like a huge lizardy thing sleeping on a pile of rocks. The noises are actually snores. Spike and Dawn move over to the wall and hide behind some vines. DAWN: Doesn't look so bad. SPIKE: (scoffs) Wait till it wakes up. That's usually when the bad starts. sh*t of the nest behind the demon's tail. There are several eggs in it, about the size and shape of footballs but pink with purple spots. DAWN: I can't get to the eggs unless it moves. No way. SPIKE: (grinning) I'll make it move. You just be ready. He moves past her and strides toward the demon, lifting the axe. SPIKE: Hey! Ghora! Heads up. The demon wakes and sits up. It has three heads. SPIKE: (staring) Right then. Heads it is. Dawn comes forward. Spike hits one of the heads with his axe. The heads rear back and then strike at him. SPIKE: ? (sorry, can't make out this line) Dawn hurries over to the nest and tries to grab an egg but the demon's tail lashes at her. She jumps back as the demon tries to twist around and look at her. SPIKE: Hey, get away from her! Spike hits the demon some more, regaining its attention. Dawn grabs an egg and runs back to the base of the stairs. DAWN: Spike, come on! SPIKE: That's it. Spike gives one last thrust and buries the axe in one of the demon's necks. He runs to rejoin Dawn. As they start up the stairs, Dawn trips and drops the egg. It bursts open, leaking bright blue stuff. SPIKE: Leave it, Dawn. DAWN: I can't. Mom. SPIKE: It's too dangerous and I haven't got- Dawn turns and runs back toward the nest. SPIKE: -a w*apon! Dawn runs to the nest, screams as the demon turns to confront her. One of the heads is inches from her face. Spike throws stones at the demon's head. It turns to him and lashes at him with its tail, knocking him over. Dawn grabs another egg and gets up. One of the demon's heads bites Spike in the stomach and he screams with pain. He shoves it off and gets up as Dawn backs away quickly. SPIKE: No, that's it. Spike gets up, holding his side with one hand. With the other, he grabs the axe from the demon's neck and slams it into the demon's chest. The demon screams as blue blood seeps out. Spike pulls the axe out again. DAWN: Spike! Spike joins her at the stairs. The demon continues screaming. DAWN: Sorry! SPIKE: Did you get it? Dawn holds up the egg to show him. SPIKE: Don't be sorry then. He goes up the stairs, pulling her after him as the demon's noises fade away. Cut to: exterior Summers house, night. DAWN VOICEOVER: Osiris... giver of darkness... Cut to Dawn's bedroom. She has a sheet on the floor with a circle of candles on it, and she kneels by it, pouring something from a vial, onto her hands. She smears it on the sheet, drawing a circle around a cauldron in the middle. DAWN: Taker of life ... god of gods... accept my offering. Bone, flesh, breath ... She completes the circle. DAWN: Yours ... eternally. Closeup of a picture of Joyce, leaning against the cauldron. DAWN VOICEOVER: Bone... sh*t of Joyce's grave, night. DAWN VOICEOVER: Flesh, breath... Closeup of the photo. DAWN VOICEOVER: I beg of you... Zoom in on Dawn's face, lit only by the candles. DAWN: ...return to me. She takes a shaky breath. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on Willow and Tara's dorm room. Tara sits on the bed studying. Willow lies on her stomach next to Tara, writing in her diary. WILLOW: What did I have for breakfast this morning? Do you remember? TARA: Hmm? WILLOW: I-I wanna say bagel, but I think that was yesterday. You had two eggs sunny-side-up. (grins) I remember 'cause they were wiggling at me like little boobs. TARA: (grins) Sassy eggs. (Willow continues writing) What are you writing this for? WILLOW: My journal. Tara puts her book aside and lies on her stomach next to Willow. She puts her hand on Willow's non-writing hand. TARA: That's new. WILLOW: Yeah. I-I figured, life goes by so fast, if you don't write stuff down it just gets ... lost. And I wanna remember. TARA: Down to every last bagel. WILLOW: (grins, looks Tara in the eye) Down to every last everything I do with you. Willow returns to writing, the fingers of her other hand still twined with Tara's. Tara looks past Willow toward the bookcase. TARA: Huh. WILLOW: (stops writing) What? TARA: What happened to History of Witchcraft? Tara gets up as Willow tries to hide her guilty look. WILLOW: I, uh, i-it isn't there? Willow sits up as Tara goes to the bookcase and checks out the empty space. TARA: Dawn must have taken it. WILLOW: (anxiously) No she didn't! Did she? (gets up and goes quickly toward Tara) TARA: This is bad, this is really bad. WILLOW: (anxiously) But, i-it's just a history book. I-it might answer some of her questions. I-I don't think she could do any ... harm with that stuff, could she? TARA: Well, it's not a how-to guide, but it refers to specific resurrection spells and potions. WILLOW: But I-I didn't ... I mean ... hey! How'd she know that? TARA: I-I don't know, but ... god, what else did she take? WILLOW: Nothing! I-I think. I think n... she took nothing else. But maybe she did, and we should probably look. Because who knows? I-I don't. TARA: No, no, we can't waste time on that now. We don't know what she's up to. WILLOW: (nodding) We have to call Buffy. Now. Cut to Buffy entering the Summers house. The phone is ringing. Buffy tosses down her keys, pulls off her jacket as she hurries over to the phone. BUFFY: Hello? Cut to the cauldron in Dawn's room. We see that it is filled with the blue goo from the ghora egg. Pan up across the broken eggshell and the piece of paper with the spell written on it. Dawn is still kneeling, with her hands on her knees. DAWN: Bone ... flesh ... breath ... yours eternally. Bone, flesh, breath, I beg of you, return to me. Buffy bursts in. BUFFY: Dawn. Dawn doesn't move. BUFFY: What have you done? (rushes over to Dawn) What have you done? DAWN: (standing) She's coming. She's coming home. Dawn turns and runs out of the room. Buffy reaches down and picks up the picture of Joyce, stares at it for a moment, turns and follows Dawn. Cut to Dawn rushing down the stairs with Buffy in close pursuit. The house is dark. BUFFY: Dawn! Dawn! Dawn reaches the bottom of the stairs and turns to face Buffy, who comes right up in her face. BUFFY: You have no idea what you're messing with. Who knows what you actually raised, what's gonna come through that door! DAWN: (tearful) No, I-I know. It'll be her. BUFFY: No. Now, Tara told me that these spells go bad all the time. People come back ... wrong. DAWN: Not Mom. He told me her DNA- BUFFY: (grabs Dawn by the upper arms) Who told you? Who helped you? DAWN: (angry) Nobody, let me go. BUFFY: You have to stop it. Reverse it. DAWN: No! Dawn wrenches free of Buffy's hold, grabs the picture of Joyce and goes into the living room. Buffy follows. BUFFY: Dawn, you know this is wrong. You know you can't let this happen. Not to Mom. DAWN: (quietly) But I need her. I don't care if she... Cut to: sh*t of a pair of feet walking on grass. The feet are wearing pale blue pumps, and we can see the hem of a pale blue skirt. DAWN VOICEOVER: I'm not like you, Buffy. Cut back to the living room. DAWN: I don't have anybody. BUFFY: What?! Of course you do. You have me! DAWN: No, I don't. You won't even look at me. It's so obvious you don't want me around. BUFFY: That's not true. DAWN: (harshly) Yes it is. Mom ... died, and it's like you don't even care. BUFFY: (shocked, with tears in her eyes) Of course I care. How can you even think that? DAWN: How can I not? You haven't even cried. You've just been running around like it's been some big chore or something. Cleaning up after Mom's mess. Buffy slaps Dawn across the face. Dawn yelps and puts her hand to her cheek. Buffy puts her hand over her mouth in horror. BUFFY: (tearful) Dawn ... I've been ... working. I've been busy, because I have to- DAWN: (tearful) No! You've been avoiding me. BUFFY: I'm not! ... I have to do these things, 'cause ... (crying) 'cause when I stop, then she's really gone. Dawn frowns in confusion. BUFFY: And I'm trying. Dawn, I am, I am really trying to take care of things, but I don't even know what I'm doing. Mom always knew. DAWN: Nobody's asking you to be Mom. BUFFY: Well, who's gonna be if I'm not? Huh, Dawn? Have you even thought about that? Who's gonna make things better? (crying harder) Who's gonna take care of us? DAWN: Buffy... BUFFY: I didn't mean to push you away, I didn't. I just, I couldn't let you see me. Dawn begins to cry too. BUFFY: Oh god, Dawnie... We see the two of them from the side, facing each other. In the background, the living-room curtains are drawn. A shadow moves past the window, silhouetted against the curtains. The girls don't notice. BUFFY: (still crying) I don't know what we're gonna do. I'm scared. DAWN: Buffy... Sound of someone knocking on the front door. Buffy whirls around, no longer crying. BUFFY: (small smile) Mommy? Zoom in on the inside of the door. DAWN: (alarmed) Buffy. BUFFY: Mom. Buffy runs toward the door. Dawn swiftly picks up the photo of Joyce. sh*t of the door from Buffy's perspective as she runs toward it. Dawn stares at the photo for an instant, makes up her mind. She rips the photo in half. Buffy pulls the door open. sh*t of the view out the front door. There's nothing there. Just darkened city street and the house across the street. Sound of crickets chirping. sh*t of Dawn looking sad. sh*t of Buffy looking sad. Dawn comes forward into the foyer. Buffy turns to look at her. BUFFY: (voice breaking) Dawn. She begins to sob. Dawn comes forward and hugs her. DAWN: It's okay. They sink to the floor, holding each other tightly and crying. DAWN: It's okay. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x17 - Forever"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy talking to Glory in the Summers home. GLORY: Did you know your sister took my key, Dawnie, and she won't give it back. I bet you know where she put it, don't you? Spike and Dawn in the magic shop. SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life, so they sent the key to her, in the form of a sister. Ben talking to Jinx. BEN: Let Glory understand this: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent- JINX: An innocent? BEN: It's not a person. Ben s*ab Jinx. Glory in her apartment. GLORY: What about the key? JINX: He indicated that it was a person. Spike kissing Buffy. Spike sitting up in bed gasping. SPIKE: Oh God, no. Spike talking to Buffy in his underground cavern. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. April holding Spike in the air. APRIL: You are not my boyfriend! April throwing Spike through a window. Buffy talking to the Scoobies. BUFFY: I kinda got the impression that she was a- TARA: Robot. XANDER: Oh yeah, robot. WARREN: She's a robot. April walking down the street. WARREN: I made her to love me. I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend. Spike talking to Warren. SPIKE: I'm placing an order. WARREN: No, I'm not making any more girls. SPIKE: Sure you are. (giving Warren the box full of Buffy pictures) Here's your specs. Buffy in her house. BUFFY: Mom? What are you doing? Joyce lying d*ad on the sofa. BUFFY: Mommy? Joyce's funeral. MINISTER: We commend to almighty God our sister, Joyce Summers. Buffy and Dawn crying. Buffy sitting with Angel. BUFFY: It's tomorrow that I'm worried about. ANGEL: What's tomorrow? BUFFY: That's exactly what I don't know. Episode opens on the Summers kitchen. Buffy is washing dishes while Dawn wipes. Giles walks over with a towel. BUFFY: Giles, you don't have to help. You cooked. GILES: Oh, come on, I quite like to cook. Helping you two out makes me feel useful. (wiping a dish) DAWN: Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You can feel indispensable. GILES: (sarcastic) Hmm, how tempting. BUFFY: Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have them before they get furry and we have to name them. DAWN: Hey, I was like five then. Dawn exits. GILES: How's she doing? (Buffy gives him a look) And you? BUFFY: I'm okay. Well, some minutes are harder than others. GILES: I'm so sorry. All I can say is i-it will get better. BUFFY: It has to. (stops washing dishes, begins drying her hands) We're holding up though, you know, getting into a routine. GILES: Good, routine's good. In fact I was thinking that we might ... return to our training schedule. BUFFY: (pauses) I don't know. I was, um, thinking about ... maybe ... taking a break or something. She puts down her towel and walks into the living room. Giles follows. BUFFY: Just ease off for a while. Not get into full slay mode. GILES: But you were doing so well. BUFFY: A-and you were great, helping me with everything. (They sit on the sofa) I'm just ... starting to feel ... uneasy about stuff. GILES: Stuff? BUFFY: Training. Slaying. All of it. It's just ... I mean ... I can b*at up the demons until the cows come home. And then I can b*at up the cows ... but I'm not sure I like what it's doing to me. GILES: But you've mastered so much. I mean, your strength and resilience alone- BUFFY: Yeah. Strength, resilience ... those are all words for hardness. (pause) I'm starting to feel like ... being the Slayer is turning me into stone. GILES: Turning you into stone? Buffy- BUFFY: Just ... think about it. (gets up, paces) I was never there for Riley, not like I was for Angel. I was terrible to Dawn. GILES: At a time like this- BUFFY: No. GILES: You're bound to feel emotionally numb. BUFFY: Before that. Riley left because I was shut down. He's gone. And now my mom is gone ... and I loved her more than anything ... and ... I don't know if she knew. GILES: Oh, she knew. (gets up, puts his hand on Buffy's shoulder) Always. BUFFY: I don't know. To slay, to k*ll ... i-it means being hard on the inside. Maybe being the perfect Slayer means being too hard to love at all. I already feel like I can hardly say the words. GILES: Buffy... BUFFY: Giles ... I love you. Love ... love, love, love, love, Giles, it feels strange. GILES: Well, I shouldn't wonder. (frowns, sits on the coffee table) How serious are you about this? BUFFY: (walks past him, sits on sofa) Ten. I'm serious to the amount of ten. GILES: There is something ... in the Watchers' diaries ... a quest. BUFFY: A quest? Like finding a grail or something? GILES: Not a grail. Maybe answers. It would take a day, perhaps two. BUFFY: I'm not leaving Dawn. Not with Glory looking for her. Dawn enters in time to hear this. DAWN: Sure you can. (sits next to Buffy) What's the deal? GILES: Some Slayers before Buffy found it helpful in ... regaining their focus, learning more about their role. There's a sacred place in the desert. It's, it's not far. BUFFY: But I can't go. (to Dawn) I'm not leaving you, Dawn. DAWN: If you have to go learn ... I mean, if it'll help you out ... I think you should do it. (sh*t of Giles smiling) I can hang with the g*ng. I'll be okay. Buffy looks at Giles, turns to Dawn and puts an arm around her. BUFFY: I love you, Dawn. You know that, right? DAWN: Yeah. I love you too. BUFFY: I love you ... (intensely) *really* love you. DAWN: (nervous grin) Gettin' weird. BUFFY: Sorry. But it's important that I tell you. Weird love's better than no love. They hug. Cut to: Spike staring at something. We see Warren in the background. SPIKE: Some say it's better'n the real thing. WARREN: (nervous) Better than the real thing. sh*t of a pair of feet. Pan slowly up to reveal the BuffyBot. She wears a knee-length pleated skirt of pale pink, a blouse of darker pink, and a black jacket. Her eyes are closed as she stands there. SPIKE: (OS) She looks good, but what about the rest? Spike still staring at the bot. SPIKE: A little walk, a little talk... Warren stuffing books into a backpack. We're in Warren's parents' living room (same set from "I Was Made To Love You"). SPIKE: ...perhaps a zippy cartwheel... WARREN: Hey, she's, uh, great. You'll be real happy, I swear, she's got everything you asked for. All the extra programming, tons of real-world knowledge, the profiles you gave me about her family and friends. SPIKE: *All* the extra programming, right? WARREN: Ah, the, the stuff that you wanted, the, uh, scenario responses, you know, the, uh, uh, special ... skills ... (nervous laugh) All of it. Now, you said that I could leave- Warren tries to go past but Spike grabs his arm. SPIKE: Wait. I'm not sure I'm a satisfied customer. She looks a little shiny to me, you know, uh... Close sh*t of the bot's closed eyes. SPIKE: (OS) ...touch of plasticine... The eyes pop open. BUFFYBOT: Spike? Longer sh*t of the BuffyBot smiling hugely. BUFFYBOT: Oh, Spike! She hurries over to Spike, puts her hands on his shoulders and kisses him on the mouth. She pulls back, still with a big smile. SPIKE: She'll do. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by Michael Gershman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Glory lying on a sofa. GLORY: (annoyed) He's getting stronger. I'm losing him, I'm losing control of him. We see that we're in Glory's apartment. She has her legs up on one arm of the sofa. Two of her sycophant demons sit on the other end of the sofa while three more stand behind. JINX: You're speaking of Ben, most glamorous yet tasteful one? GLORY: He s*ab you in your body. MURK: Jinx is all right, your highness. And we do have the new knowledge that the key is a human being. GLORY: (sits up) If time runs out on us and all we're left with is info? Then we're screwed. JINX: Oh, surely not! GLORY: (leans back) No, we're screwed! MURK: But you are a god. The sacred Glorificus! GLORY: I'm a god in exile. Far from the hellfires of home and ... sharing my body with an enemy that s*ab my boys in their (pokes Jinx in the stomach, he groans and winces) fleshy little stomachs. She sits back again in frustration, ignoring Jinx. He makes a gesture to Murk that he's okay. GLORY: Uhh! I'm in pain. JINX: How can we help? We'll lay down our lives. Glory ponders for a moment, gets up. GLORY: The Slayer and the key are connected. She's going to have contact with it. Find out who's new in her life, who's ... special, who's different. Watch her. MURK: We can do that, O ... thou. GLORY: I want to hear about everyone she has contact with! That girl has my key ... (the monks bow their heads) and I'm trusting you boys to get it for me. If you love me ... (they both look up) get it for me. The monks smile happily at each other and at Glory. Cut to: a slice of desert. There are sandy dunes with some scraggly bushes, and one tree. Heat waves shimmer in the air. Giles' convertible comes around the dune, pulls up and stops. Giles and Buffy get out. Giles goes to open the trunk. Buffy follows. She wears a long brown coat over brown pants and a brown turtleneck. Giles wears jeans, a black shirt and a brown suede jacket. BUFFY: What's in the trunk? GILES: Supplies. (leans into the trunk) BUFFY: Supplies? I was wondering about that. Like, food, water, maybe a compass? GILES: (straightens up holding stuff) What about a book, a gourd, and a bunch of twigs? BUFFY: I don't think I'll be that hungry. GILES: They're for me. Come on, this way. He walks off with Buffy following. Cut to them walking across the sand. GILES: You see, the location of the sacred place is a guarded secret. I can't take you there myself. (They begin to climb up a dune) I'll have to perform a ritual to ... transfer my guardianship of you, temporarily, to, to a guide. This'll do. He stops and begins putting the stuff down. BUFFY: A guide but no food or water. So it leads me to the sacred place, and then a week later it leads you to my bleached bones? GILES: Buffy, please. It takes more than a week to bleach bones. Buffy grins. Giles kneels on the ground and begins arranging the twigs around himself. BUFFY: So, how's it start? GILES: I, uh, jump out of the circle and then jump back in it, and then, um ... (embarrassed) I shake my gourd. BUFFY: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around. GILES: (straightens up, gives her a sour look) Go quest. Buffy makes an amused face. Giles looks embarrassed. He sighs, rolls his eyes, jumps into the circle of twigs, jumps out, and shakes the gourd. Nothing seems to happen. He and Buffy look at each other. BUFFY: And that's what it's all about. Cut to: Spike in his crypt, dancing around in sparring mode. SPIKE: What you searching for, Slayer, a weak spot? Hmm? We see that he's circling around the BuffyBot, who holds a stake in one hand. She is no longer wearing the jacket but still wears the pink skirt and sleeveless blouse. SPIKE: Try me, give me the best you've got. She lunges at him with a very lame s*ab movement and he ducks out of the way. BUFFYBOT: Ooh! Spike grabs her from behind with one arm around her neck and the other grabbing her hand. BUFFYBOT: Oh... (panting) SPIKE: Is that your best, Slayer? BUFFYBOT: No. SPIKE: Why not? BUFFYBOT: I, I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body. SPIKE: Maybe I should repay you for your gentleness. Maybe I should let you go. BUFFYBOT: No! No, Spike. Never let me go. SPIKE: You know you should be afraid of me. I'm bad. BUFFYBOT: (seductively) You are. You're very, very bad. Suddenly she twists out of his grasp and flings him across the room. He lands on his back on the bed. The BuffyBot jumps on top of him, straddling him, and puts her stake against his chest. SPIKE: Are you gonna do it that way? BUFFYBOT: (grinning) No. She grabs the neck of his t-shirt and rips it open as Spike grins. Then she puts the stake against his bare chest. BUFFYBOT: This way. SPIKE: (raises his eyebrows) You can't do it. BUFFYBOT: I could never do it. (drops the stake) I'm helpless against you, you fiend. Spike shoves her off him. BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Oh! She rolls aside onto the floor and lands on her back. Spike lands on top of her, pinning her wrists down. He kisses her and she kisses him back. SPIKE: (whispers) Buffy... He slides down her body as the camera stays on her face. Cut to: Giles sitting on the sand in the middle of the circle of sticks. He has the book open and reads aloud in Swahili. Cut to closer sh*t of his face as he continues to speak. Cut to Buffy walking across the sand. We can hear Giles still reading aloud. The background music is a woman vocalizing. Buffy hears a growling noise and stops, looks to her left. We see a mountain lion sitting on the sand about thirty feet away. BUFFY: Hello, kitty. The lion begins to walk and Buffy follows it. They go through a passageway made by two large outcroppings of rock. They come out on a large expanse of sandy desert dotted with small bushes or trees. Buffy goes over to a rock and sits on it, looking around. BUFFY: I know this place. Cut to: Tara closing a door. She turns away and we see there's a vial in her hand. She walks away from the door, into the room. We see Xander behind a counter: it's his apartment. He comes out from behind the counter. TARA: Okay. Warning spell's all set. XANDER: So that's it? We're all protected up for the night? They walk farther into the room. We see Anya sitting on one sofa in the background. Dawn sits on another, reading. TARA: Well, i-it's probably not as good as Willow could do. She's a natural with magic. In just the time I've known her, she's already blown right past me. XANDER: So, when the whiz kid gets back from chem lab, can you have her ... you know, bulk up the spell a little? If you want, maybe, while Anya and I go do a quick patrol? ANYA: I don't see why we have to patrol just 'cause Buffy's away. (gets up, walks over to them) I'd rather stay home and watch television. Dawn watches Anya go past her. sh*t of a pair of earrings(?) on the side table next to the sofa that Anya just vacated. TARA: (OS) Oh yeah, Willow wants to watch this thing on the history channel tonight, (Dawn gets up, walks over to the table) Salem Witch Trial stuff, which is only gonna get her all upset. ANYA: (OS) Oh, I was there, it really wasn't that bad. (Dawn picks up the earrings and puts them in her pocket) See, if you were really a witch, you could do a spell to escape. Cut to a sh*t of the three in the foreground and Dawn in the background. ANYA: ...so really it was only bad for the falsely accused, and, well, they never have a good time. XANDER: No. Dawn turns from the table to face the others. DAWN: So, guys, if this is a real slumber party, where's the pizza? As Dawn walks away from the table toward the others, the camera stays on the window behind her. We see one of Glory's demons looking in the window. Cut to: Spike's crypt. Pan across the pillars and the armchair to find Spike and the Buffy Bot lying on the floor, on their sides. She lies in front with Spike behind her, his arm around her waist, both covered with a pink sheet. Spike's hair is all disarrayed and spikey. BUFFYBOT: You're evil. SPIKE: And that excites you? BUFFYBOT: It excites me, it terrifies me ... I try so hard to resist you and I can't. SPIKE: Yeah? (grins) BUFFYBOT: Darn your sinister attraction. SPIKE: (seriously) Are you afraid of me? BUFFYBOT: (big smile) Yes. SPIKE: (quietly) You know I can't lie to you. BUFFYBOT: I think you can. I think you can if I let you, and I want to let you. I want you to bite me and devour me until there's no more. SPIKE: (smiles) Like this? He bites her neck lightly. BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Oh, Spike, devour me! SPIKE: All right. He pulls her over on her back and gets on top of her. BUFFYBOT: Spike, I can't help myself. I love you. SPIKE: You're mine, Buffy. BUFFYBOT: Should I start this program over? SPIKE: Shh! (frowns) No programs. Don't use that word. Just be Buffy. She smiles. Cut to: Willow and a bunch of other students coming out of a UC Sunnydale building, night. WILLOW: It's got last week's notes too. Just get it back to me by Thursday. She's speaking to a male student to whom she is giving her notebook. WILLOW: And, uh, don't write in it or, or, uh, put a coffee mug down on it, or anything. (The student walks offscreen) And, and, just don't spill. Okay. Oh, oh, and don't fold the page corners down. Bye! She continues walking, pauses as she approaches a pillar, continues. As she passes the pillar, one of Glory's demons comes out from behind it and follows her. Cut to: Spike lying in his bed asleep. Pan across to the Buffy Bot standing next to the bed, putting on her jacket. BUFFYBOT: Time to slay. SPIKE: Yeah... (mumbling in his sleep) The bot picks up her stake and walks purposefully across the crypt. BUFFYBOT: Vampires of the world, beware. sh*t of Spike still sleeping. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on the desert, night. Giles sits on the hood of his car, drinking from a thermos. He looks up at the sky, sighs. Fade to Buffy still sitting on the rock. She hugs her arms and shivers, lets her head drop and her eyes close. There's a noise like an owl hooting. Buffy jerks awake, sighs. Cut to: the Buffy-Bot walking through the graveyard, twirling her stake. Xander and Anya come around a corner. BUFFYBOT: Hey there! XANDER: Buffy! BUFFYBOT: Xander! sh*t of Xander from the bot's perspective. She has a display similar to that of April in "I Was Made..." Folders are labeled "Hard Drive," "Slaying," "Locate Spike," and "Make Spike Happy." Under "Make Spike Happy" are files labeled "kissing01," "kissing02," "positions01," "positions02," etc. up to "positions05" and "More." At the bottom is a readout that identifies Xander with attributes: friend carpenter dates Anya BUFFYBOT: (OS) And ... The point of view shifts to Anya. Her attributes are: dates Xander likes money ex-demon BUFFYBOT: (OS) Anya! Cut to sh*t of the Buffy Bot's face. BUFFYBOT: How is your money? ANYA: (laughs in surprise) Fine. Thank you for asking. (smiles at Xander) BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Isn't it a beautiful night for k*lling evil things? XANDER: I guess. ANYA: You're back very early. XANDER: Yeah, how was the whole vision-quest experience? BUFFYBOT: I don't understand that question. But thank you for asking. Xander looks confused. BUFFYBOT: You're my friend, and a carpenter. XANDER: Are you all right? You're all... SPIKE: (OS) Hey! Wait up! Spike comes running up. BUFFYBOT: (happily) Spike! (to Xander and Anya) It's Spike. And he's wearing a coat. SPIKE: (panting) Yes. Uh ... hello all. The bot tries to take his hand but he pulls it away. SPIKE: Uh, Buffy's back early, I see. Lots of patrolling all around tonight, then, is it? The bot takes his arm and he pretends it hurts, pulls it away. SPIKE: Ow! Hey. Give a fella a break there, Slayer. She smiles and tries to walk closer to him but he moves away, going closer to Xander and Anya. SPIKE: Uh, I'm glad you're all here, uh, 'cause, uh, 'cause ... the place is crawling with vamps tonight. Uh, tons of 'em. I, uh, think we oughta split up. XANDER: We haven't seen any vamps, are you sure there's... They hear a noise and all look to the side. Three vamps come around a corner. ANYA: You're right. SPIKE: Yep, guess so. The vamps rush at them. The BuffyBot kicks one and he falls back. Spike engages the second vamp while Xander and Anya take the third. The bot fights like Buffy. Anya circles around with her stake while Xander exchanges blows with the vamp. Spike kicks his. BUFFYBOT: Spike, be careful! The bot kicks her vamp backward. sh*t of two of Glory's demons watching the action from afar. Spike grabs his vamp by the arm and hits him in the back. The third vamp has Xander on the ground and Anya runs behind him. Xander gets his feet on the vamp's chest and shoves him back, right at Anya, who stakes him. The bot punches her vamp several times and he goes down. Spike is still struggling with his foe. BUFFYBOT: No, get away from him. sh*t of the two demons still watching. The bot stakes her vamp. Spike has his vamp kneeling on the ground. The bot tosses her stake to Spike, who catches it and stakes the last vamp. Anya helps Xander up. Spike and the BuffyBot come over to them. SPIKE: I think that was probably the big action for the night. You two can toddle on home if you want. XANDER: Uh ... Buffy? BUFFYBOT: (smiling) Yes. Spike and I will do it alone. You guys head home. Xander looks suspicious, but he and Anya leave anyway. Spike and the bot watch them go. The bot frowns and wiggles her shoulders. Spike comes around in front of her. BUFFYBOT: Hmm. I don't understand this. I-I did the slaying. I should be... SPIKE: (leering) Satisfied? BUFFYBOT: (nods, pouts) But I'm not. I-I'm all ... (wiggles her shoulders) my skin is all hot. (Spike grinning) Do I look hot to you? SPIKE: Always. BUFFYBOT: (suggestively) You better feel me to make sure. SPIKE: I can do that. They kiss. Cut to Xander and Anya walking through the dark graveyard, out the front gates. They turn and start walking down the sidewalk. ANYA: (coughs) I breathed in like a quart of vampire dust. That can't be good. (putting her stake away in a coat pocket) XANDER: I wish Giles told us they were back from the desert. I wish I knew what went on there. ANYA: Oh, you know, Slayer-Watcher stuff. Probably some silly ritual with an enchanted prairie dog or something. XANDER: (shakes head) Whatever it was, I think she's still a little spacy. ANYA: (shrugs) She fought okay. XANDER: Yeah. (stops walking) Hey, she never asked about Dawn. ANYA: That's true. XANDER: Something's wrong. Moaning noises. Xander and Anya look back at the graveyard. sh*t of something blurry, impossible to see through the leaves of bushes that separate the graveyard from the street. XANDER: (softly) I hear something. He gestures to Anya to be quiet as they move toward the bushes. sh*t of Spike and the bot still in the graveyard. Spike lies on his back with the bot straddling him and rocking up and down. Her skirt covers their hips. BUFFYBOT: Oh Spike. You're the big bad. sh*t of Anya and Xander watching in amazement. BUFFYBOT: (OS) You're the BIG bad! Cut to Willow and Tara sitting on the sofa watching TV. Tara has her head on Willow's shoulder. WILLOW: Those darn Salem judges. With their less-satanic-than-thou attitude. TARA: Oh, honey, let's change it. The Discovery channel has koala bears. Willow clicks the remote. Xander and Anya burst in. XANDER: Where's Dawn? TARA: She, she's in the bedroom, she fell asleep. XANDER: Good. WILLOW: What's goin' on? XANDER: Buffy's gone insane. (Anya nods) WILLOW: What? What'd she do? XANDER: Brace yourself. You're not gonna believe it. TARA: Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I-I did some pretty dumb stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night. ANYA: Buffy's boinking Spike. Xander nods. Willow and Tara look surprised. WILLOW: (pause) Oh ... well, Ta-Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge- TARA: What are you, kidding? She's nuts! WILLOW: Well, it's not healthy, we're all agreeing there. TARA: What can we do? ANYA: Sometimes in the movies when they go crazy they slap 'em. XANDER: I'm gonna go find her and talk to her. If she's losing it, we gotta help her before she gets herself hurt. TARA: You aren't really gonna slap her, are you? XANDER: No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again, I will definitely knock myself unconscious. He turns and leaves. Anya shrugs to herself. Cut to: Buffy asleep on a rock. There's a f*re burning nearby. She sits up. BUFFY: Hello? Who's there? On the other side of the f*re, we see the First Slayer (see episode "Restless"). Buffy stares. Cut to: Spike leaning against a pillar, smoking a cigarette. His hair is again messy. Rustling noises. Spike looks toward the door as the Buffy Bot rises from the floor in front of him. They both look over at the noise. BUFFYBOT: Who's that? SPIKE: (begins fastening his pants) Uh ... Down there. (points to the trapdoor leading down to the cavern) And, uh, no matter what, don't come out till I get you, okay? BUFFYBOT: (nods) Okay. She walks over to the trapdoor and starts down. Spike looks toward the door as it opens and Xander comes in. SPIKE: Oh, it's you. XANDER: (closes door) I saw you ... in the cemetery with Buffy. SPIKE: Yeah? (with bravado) Can't see how it's any business of yours. XANDER: It is my business because Buffy's my friend .. and she's gone through some stuff lately that ... well, it's affected her, and you're taking advantage of her. SPIKE: (sighs) She's upset about her mum. (takes a drag on his cigarette) And if she turns to me for comfort, well, I'm not gonna deny it to her. I'm not a monster. XANDER: Yes. You are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them. SPIKE: (sarcastic) Well, yeah, you got me there. Xander grabs Spike by the front of his shirt. XANDER: Spike, Buffy has lost of friends, and we love her very much, and we'll do whatever it takes to protect her. Now if that means k*lling you, then, well, that's just a bonus. The door opens and Jinx appears. JINX: Gentlemen! (begins to enter, followed by more demons) I'm so sorry to intrude, but I wondered if I might beg a moment of your time. SPIKE: (to Xander) Friends of yours? Jinx punches Xander in the stomach. SPIKE: Guess not. Spike kicks Jinx. Xander struggles to his feet as the fight continues. Xander takes another kick to the chin and goes down again. Spike exchanges more blows until two of the demons get him by the arms. He head-butts another of them. JINX: Tie his hands! Glory will want him restrained. SPIKE: (struggling) Let me go! JINX: Careful with him. She will want the key intact. SPIKE: Key? Who's a key? I'm not the- Jinx stuffs something in Spike's mouth. Spike continues struggling and muffled yelling as the demons drag him out. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Buffy at the fireside. Throughout the ensuing scene we see the First Slayer through the flames, sometimes obscuring her entirely. BUFFY: I know you. You're the first Slayer. FIRST SLAYER: This is a form. I am the guide. BUFFY: I have a few questions ... about being the Slayer. What about ... love? Not just boyfriend love. FIRST SLAYER: You think you're losing your ability to love. BUFFY: I-I didn't say that. (sighs) Yeah. FIRST SLAYER: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity. BUFFY: Does it? FIRST SLAYER: You are full of love. You love with all of your soul. It's brighter than the f*re ... blinding. That's why you pull away from it. BUFFY: (surprised) I'm full of love? I'm not losing it? FIRST SLAYER: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love ... give ... forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift. BUFFY: (pause) What? Cut to the Buffy Bot climbing out of the underground cavern. BUFFYBOT: Spike? (looks around) I waited like you said, but then I missed you. Spike? She walks off, not noticing Xander lying on the ground behind her. Cut to: darkness, sound of someone knocking on a door. WILLOW: Xander, did you- Willow opens the door to discover the Buffy Bot. BUFFYBOT: Spike's gone! WILLOW: Bu-Buffy. Uh, come in. Shh! It's late! Willow ushers the bot in, closes the door. They walk through the darkened living room. WILLOW: Wait. Willow picks up a blanket from the floor, wraps it around herself, and she and the bot go out onto a balcony. WILLOW: (whispers) We can talk out here. She closes the door quietly and goes over to the bot. WILLOW: Did Xander find you? He-he was looking for you. sh*t of Willow from the bot's perspective. Her attributes are: best friend gay (1999-present) witch good with computers WILLOW: He hasn't come back. Anya sat up waiting. BUFFYBOT: I don't know where Xander is. I haven't seen him. And when I came out of the tunnel, Spike was gone. I need to find him. WILLOW: (winces) Um ... Buffy, this thing with Spike, i-i-it isn't true, is it? You didn't, you know, sleep with Spike? BUFFYBOT: No. Willow smiles with relief. BUFFYBOT: I had sex with Spike. (Willow winces again) I'm sorry if it bothers you. You're my best friend. WILLOW: I-I am. And I, I always will be, no matter what you do. I, I'm just trying to figure out why this happened, and I, I think with ... your mom and everything ... everyone was being all sympathetic, and, and making you feel weak. A-and Spike wasn't like that. So, just this one time, you just ... did something kinda ... crazy. BUFFYBOT: (shakes head) It wasn't one time. It was lots of times. And lots of different ways. I could make sketches. WILLOW: (disgusted) No! Buffy, there is something seriously wrong here! I ... (the bot looks confused) Okay, yeah, you've been with a vampire before, but Angel had a soul. BUFFYBOT: Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid. WILLOW: (confused) Okay ... look, I just wanna help you. Let me help you. BUFFYBOT: You're my best friend. WILLOW: Yeah. Again, I ... really am, but... BUFFYBOT: You're recently gay. WILLOW: Um... Behind them, the apartment lights up. They turn to see through the window that Xander has returned. XANDER: (inside) Guys! Guys, wake up. Willow gives the bot one last confused look and goes inside. The bot follows. Tara sits up from sleeping on the floor. Anya gets up from sleeping on the sofa. ANYA: Oh, Xander, I was scared, are you hurt? What happened? XANDER: Guys ... demony kinds of guys. Buffy. BUFFYBOT: Yes, that's me. XANDER: The guys that work for Glory, you said they're kind of like hobbits with leprosy? Well this was a whole flock of hobbits, and they just grabbed Spike. I think they're taking him to Glory. WILLOW: But he, he knows about Dawn. (Xander nods) BUFFYBOT: We have to get him back. (Willow gives her a disturbed look) XANDER: So how do we find him? Everyone looks at the bot. She looks uncertain. BUFFYBOT: I fight with w*apon. XANDER: Yeah. I got nothin'. Let's h*t your place, we'll stock up. WILLOW: Uh, Tara, can you stay here a-and watch Dawn? TARA: Of course. The others all walk off. Cut back to Buffy in the desert. BUFFY: I-I'm sorry, I, I'm just a little confused. I'm full of love, which is nice, and ... love will lead me to my gift? FIRST SLAYER: Yes. BUFFY: I'm getting a gift? Or, or do you mean that, that I have a gift to give to someone else? FIRST SLAYER: Death is your gift. BUFFY: Death ... FIRST SLAYER: Is your gift. BUFFY: Okay, no. Death is not a gift. My mother just died. I know this. If I have to k*ll demons because it makes the world a better place, then I k*ll demons, but it's not a gift to anybody. The First Slayer is obscured by the flames, following the contours of her body. FIRST SLAYER: Your question has been answered. She, as well as the f*re, disappears. All that's left is cold gray rocks and sand. Buffy frowns in confusion. Cut to: Glory's apartment. The door bursts open and the two main demons enter with Spike, whose hands are tied behind him. Glory gets up from the sofa where she was reading a magazine. GLORY: What the hell is that, and why is his hair that color? MURK: Stunning one, we believe he is... MURK AND JINX: (unison) The key! Spike looks annoyed. Glory smiles. GLORY: Really? That's fantabulous! (comes forward, shoves Murk away) And impossible. (walks in a circle around Spike) He can't be the key, because, see, the key ... has to be pure. She returns to Spike's front and sniffs at him. GLORY: This is a vampire. (Spike looks at her in alarm) Lesson number one, vampires equal impure. SPIKE: (a little scared) Yeah, damn right I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. Let me go. GLORY: You can't even brain-suck a vampire. (pats Spike on the chest) He's completely useless. SPIKE: So, I'm just gonna let myself out. He tries to escape but Murk stops him. JINX: But, your holiness, we observed the Slayer. She protected this one above all others. (Glory looks over his shoulder at Spike) She treated him as precious. GLORY: Really? Precious-ss-ss? She pushes Jinx aside and goes over to Spike again. GLORY: Let's take a peek at you, precious. (looks him up and down) SPIKE: Sod off. GLORY: Oh... (laughs) She punches Spike and he flies backward, crashes into the wall and slides down it. There's blood on his lip. Glory comes over and tilts his head up to look at him. GLORY: He doesn't look very fancy to me. (grabs Spike by the lower lip and pulls him upright) SPIKE: Hey, watch the lip! GLORY: But if the Slayer protects him, maybe appearances are deceiving. She throws Spike onto her round bed. He lands on his back with his hands pinned underneath him. As he groans in pain, Glory climbs on top of him. GLORY: Maybe there's something on the inside. She takes one finger, with its long red fingernail, and thrusts it into Spike's stomach. He screams in pain. Glory leans over him. GLORY: Shhh. What do you know, precious? What can I dig out of you? sh*t of Spike writhing in pain. Cut to: Summers house, day. Xander opens the door for the Buffy Bot, who enters followed by Xander, Anya, and Willow. They walk into the living room. BUFFYBOT: (smiling) This is my house. XANDER: If we're gonna stop Spike from blabbing about Dawn, we're gonna need these. He goes to the big w*apon chest and opens it. ANYA: Ooh, the big g*n. Xander takes out a w*apon and gives it to Anya, takes out another one for himself. ANYA: Saddling up. Shouldn't we have g*n? BUFFYBOT: Those are my w*apon. Give me something big and sharp. WILLOW: Um, Buffy, where do we go? Where should we look for Glory? BUFFYBOT: She's a god. She wants the key. XANDER: Yeah, so we should look... They all look at the bot. BUFFYBOT: I don't know. Why are you all looking at me? (They all look confused) XANDER: Okay, Buff, it's okay, you're right, you shouldn't have to know everything. BUFFYBOT: We need to rescue Spike. WILLOW: Um ... Buffy, I, I think you have more w*apon upstairs. Why don't you go get those? ANYA: And maybe change your clothes, you know, something more ... fighty. BUFFYBOT: I can do that. I'll be right back. She turns with a smile and walks off. XANDER: Okay, this has gone way too far. She thinks we're going to rescue Spike. WILLOW: What *are* we gonna do? XANDER: Find him, keep him from talking, whatever it takes. ANYA: What do we do with Glory? WILLOW: Whatever we do, we're gonna need Buffy's help. XANDER: Then we're gonna have to talk to her. WILLOW: Intervention time again? XANDER: Yeah, 'cause what we need right now is a sane Buffy. The real Buffy enters, still wearing her brown pants and turtleneck, carrying her brown coat. BUFFY: Whoa. Group hang time? The others look surprised. WILLOW: Tha-that was quick. BUFFY: Didn't seem like it to me. Death is my gift. (scoffs) The others are completely bemused. XANDER: Buffy, we need to talk. BUFFY: (alarmed) What's wrong? Is Dawn okay? WILLOW: Dawn's fine. XANDER: Buffy, we care about you, and we're worried about you. The way you're acting, the things you're doing- ANYA: It's wrong. WILLOW: Wait. This shouldn't be about blame. BUFFY: Blame? There's blame now? WILLOW: No, there's only love. And ... some fear. ANYA: Which is kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike. BUFFY: The ... who whating how with huh? ANYA: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger. BUFFY: (angrily) I am not having sex with Spike! ANYA: Anger. XANDER: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled. BUFFY: (firmly) I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be. XANDER: (scoffs) Buffy, I saw you. Anya too. (Anya nods) We saw you and Spike ... (gestures vaguely) with the straddling. The Buffy Bot enters, looking offended. BUFFYBOT: Spike's mine. Who's straddling Spike? She strides up next to Buffy, who stares at her in amazement. BUFFY: Oh my god. XANDER: (amazed) And so say all of us. BUFFYBOT: Say, look at you. You look just like me! We're very pretty. WILLOW: Two of them! XANDER: Hey, I know this! They're both Buffy! BUFFY: (annoyed at him) No, *she*'s a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made. You guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot? BUFFYBOT: Oh, I don't think I'm a robot. ANYA: She's very well done. The bot smiles at her. XANDER: Spike must have had her built so he could program her t- BUFFY: (horrified) Oh god. WILLOW: Yikes. Imagine the things- BUFFY: No! No, no imagining. Any of you. XANDER: (raises his hand) Already got the visual. BUFFYBOT: People. Friends of mine. You're forgetting the most important thing. Glory has Spike and she's going to harm him. BUFFY: (softly) Glory has Spike? XANDER: (nervous laugh) We were gonna bring that up. ANYA: We were getting w*apon. BUFFY: Grab 'em. We're going now. I have to k*ll him. WILLOW: We don't even know where to look. BUFFY: (ponders) I know where to start. Cut to: Glory's apartment. Spike's hands are tied together over his head. He stands in the middle of the room with the demons around the edges. His shirt is torn partly off and his facc is bloody. GLORY: I have a riddle for you, precious. How is a vampire that won't talk ... like an apple? She walks up to Spike, grabs his hair and pulls his head back. We see that his chest is also bloody and has at least one ugly round wound from Glory's finger. With her free hand she has a dagger which she uses to cut his chest. Spike yells in pain. GLORY: Think I can do you in one long strip? SPIKE: (weakly) Enough. No more. I'll tell you who the sodding key is. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a sh*t of Sunnydale, daylight. We see the hill atop which is Glory's apartment building. Pan down to the park below. BUFFY: (OS) Glory's key-sniffing snake was about here when I k*lled it. It was headed back to her. WILLOW: (OS) Do you think she lives around here? Pan down more to discover the Scooby g*ng with Giles and the Buffy Bot standing around. Most of them have w*apon, including the bot. XANDER: It's not a lot to go on. Closer sh*t of Buffy. BUFFY: (shrugs) It's all we got. GILES: (staring at the bot) Quite extraordinary really. BUFFYBOT: Thank you. But I really think we should be listening to the other Buffy, Giles. (She pronounces it with a hard G like "guy") She's very smart and she's gonna help us save Spike. GILES: Guy-les? (turns to address the real Buffy) Spike didn't even bother to program my name properly. BUFFY: Listen, skirt girl, we are not going to save him. We're going to k*ll him. He knows who the key is, and there's no way he's not telling Glory. BUFFYBOT: You're right. He's evil. (smiles) But you should see him naked. I mean really. Buffy grimaces in disgust. BUFFY: Okay, guys, split up and spread out. Check the priciest-looking places first. Xander, you come with me. Willow, Anya, stick together, and Guy-les ... Giles- (Giles looks annoyed) you can watch ... it. Giles sighs, turns back to the bot. She gives him a huge grin. Cut to: Glory holding a glass of water to Spike's lips. He drinks it all. Blood from the wound above his eye and the wound in his lip is trickling down his cheeks making him look quite battered. GLORY: Is that better? (Spike coughs) Do you think you can try to talk again now? (Spike nods) Good. Because I'm tired of these games! She smashes the glass against Spike's face. It breaks into pieces. GLORY: (turns away) "I need time, I need a drink," you're a very needy little bloodsucker, (sits on the sofa) and it's not very attractive. Spike glares at her. GLORY: So start talkin'. SPIKE: Yeah. Okay. The key. Here's the thing... sh*t of Spike's hands with chains wrapped around them. He twists them around trying to loosen the chains. SPIKE: It's that guy... on TV ... what's his name? GLORY: (frowns) On the television? SPIKE: That show ... the prize show ... where they guess what stuff cost? MURK: The Price Is Right? JINX: Oh, Bob Barker! MURK: We will bring you Bob Barker! We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Bark- GLORY: (jumps up) It is not Bob Barker, scabby morons! The key is new to this world ... (turns back to face Spike) and Bob Barker is as old as grit. (smiles) The vampire ... is lying to me. SPIKE: (giggles weakly) Yeah ... but it was fun. And guess what, bitch. (sh*t of his hands still trying to twist free) I'm not telling you jack. You're never gonna get your sodding key, 'cause you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot. GLORY: I am a god. SPIKE: The god of what, bad home perms? GLORY: Shut up! (takes a few steps toward him, pats her hair) I command you, shut up! SPIKE: Yeah, okay, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. (Glory scoffs in disbelief) Mark my words, the Slayer ... is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass (Glory checks out her ass in dismay) back to whatever place would take a (sizing her up) cheap, whorish, fashion victim ex-god like you. Glory spins around and delivers a spinning kick to Spike's chest. His hands break free and he goes flying backward, crashing through the apartment's door and into the hallway outside. He does a back-somersault and winds up on the floor against a chair. SPIKE: (mutters) Good plan, Spike. sh*t of Glory surrounded by her demons as the broken chain dangles in front of her. GLORY: Bring him back. Cut to: Spike bloodied and limping, dragging himself down the hall toward the elevator. The elevator doors close before he reaches them. One of Glory's demons comes around the corner and sees him. DEMON: Here! Spike tries to catch the elevator doors before they fully close but he's too late. He lands on his knees and pries the doors open. SPIKE: Oh, god. Several more demons come running around the corner. Spike leans over and lets himself fall down the elevator shaft. He lands on top of the elevator as Jinx appears in the doorway. sh*t of the descending elevator with Spike sprawled on top of it. Jinx and another demon watch it go, then they turn away. Spike rolls over and opens the hatch in the elevator ceiling, falls through it and lands on the floor of the elevator. Cut to the lobby of the building. The elevator doors open as the group of demons comes down the stairs. Spike gets slowly to his feet. MURK: You do not insult Glory by escaping. Spike scowls at them. The front door opens and Buffy and Xander enter, carrying crossbows. MURK: Slayer! Spike closes his eyes in relief and falls back against the elevator wall as Xander grabs one demon by his axe. Buffy sh**t the demon with her crossbow. Murk kicks the crossbow out of Buffy's hands and punches her. sh*t of Spike crumpling to the floor. Buffy kicks Murk down, ducks a punch from another demon and punches him, kicks a third. Xander uses the axe like a staff to h*t another demon, fends him off and s*ab a second demon with the axe, takes two punches from the first demon, ducks another punch and hits the demon on the chin with the axe handle. Buffy blocks kicks from Murk, kicks him in the face, ducks a punch, throws a punch that he blocks, punches him a few times. A demon grabs Xander around the neck from behind. Giles and the Buffy Bot enter as Buffy continues fighting Murk. GILES: Buffy, we're here. Giles loads his crossbow as Buffy delivers a final kick that sends Murk flying. The bot looks over to the elevator. BUFFYBOT: Spike! Spike's in there! Xander continues struggling with the demon who has him around the neck and is thr*at him with a small dagger. Giles hits the demon with his crossbow and grabs him as Xander pulls free. Xander flies forward and lands on another demon on the floor. The bot goes over to the elevator and looks at Spike, who sits on the floor. He's bloody and bruised all over his face and upper chest. Xander punches the demon. Giles continues struggling with the other demon until it throws him to the floor and puts the crossbow to his throat. GILES: Buffy! The Buffy Bot whirls around. The real Buffy whirls around. The bot throws her w*apon aside and grabs the demon off Giles. The demon hits her with the crossbow and she flies against the elevator control panel. The real Buffy kicks the demon, then punches him and he goes down. The bot sinks to the floor looking surprised as tendrils of blue light flash across her body. Jinx and Murk run for the stairs. Buffy watches them go. Cut to: Glory's apartment. Jinx and Murk attempt to explain to Glory what happened. JINX: The Slayer was there. MURK: A lethal fighter. JINX: She seemed to be everywhere at once. MURK: She had friends. With many w*apon! JINX: They may have been demons. GLORY: (smiles) And where's my vampire? The demons look at each other and stammer. sh*t of the broken door to the apartment. Sound of the demons screaming. Cut to: sh*t of the Buffy Bot's back. A flap of skin is peeled back revealing her inner workings. Willow is poking at the machinery with tools. It makes sputtering noises. Pull out to reveal Tara standing next to Willow. They're in the magic shop. The bot is bent over the table. TARA: (looks across the table) Is it weird? We see Buffy standing on the other side of the table. Dawn sits beside her. BUFFY: Oh yeah. (walks closer) At least it's not a very good copy. (sits in the chair next to the bot) I mean... Buffy lays her head down on the table to look into the bot's face. BUFFY: ...look at it. WILLOW: Uh ... yeah. (looks up at Tara) The door opens and they look up as Xander and Giles enter. Buffy gets up. BUFFY: What'd you guys do with Spike? And please let the story have a dusty ending. XANDER: We dumped him back in his crypt. GILES: Tried to find out if he'd ... told her anything, but he was too badly beaten to make much sense. ANYA: Well, even if he told her, he'd just lie to us about it anyway, right? BUFFY: Yeah, you can count on it. But I have to know. Now. If he did give us up, Dawn and I need to get out of town. I mean, she could be on her way right now. Dawn looks alarmed. GILES: (to Dawn) But, uh, not to worry, you know, I'm sure we'll all be perfectly safe. DAWN: (smiles) We're safe, right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. Buffy frowns, looks at Tara. TARA: I-it sounded convincing when I thought it. WILLOW: Hey! I-I think I found somethin'. Anya comes over and looks at the machinery. ANYA: Uch! Looks very complicated in there. Personally, I'd rather look at guts. WILLOW: (to Buffy) I found where she's broken. Some of these wires got fried extra crispy. (smiles) It's an easy fix. Buffy gives her an astonished look. WILLOW: I mean ... not that I would. XANDER: God, I feel ... kind of bad for the guy. Gets all whupped and his best toy gets taken away. BUFFY: Xander. Please don't be suggesting what I'd have to k*ll you for suggesting. XANDER: No, no, travesty, completely on board, it's just ... the guy was so thrashed. Buffy considers this. Cut to: Spike lying in his crypt, daylight outside. His facial bruises have swelled up and his hair is still messy. The door slams open. The Buffy Bot stands there, no longer wearing her jacket but still in the pink blouse and skirt. She walks briskly over to the coffin where Spike's lying. BUFFYBOT: Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds. Spike turns his head toward her. His eyes are swollen mostly shut. SPIKE: Yeah. (starts to sit up) I feel real sexy. (slowly pulls himself upright) Where you been? BUFFYBOT: I fell down and got confused. Willow fixed me. She's gay. SPIKE: Will fixed you? I thought they'd melt you into scrap. BUFFYBOT: They were confused too. (smiles) Do you wanna ravage me now? SPIKE: (weakly) Give us a minute. Got some bones need mending. BUFFYBOT: Why did you let that Glory hurt you? SPIKE: She wanted to know who the key was. BUFFYBOT: Oh, well, I can tell her, and then you'll-(turns to leave) SPIKE: No! (coughs as she turns back) You can't ever. Glory never finds out. BUFFYBOT: Why? SPIKE: (quietly) 'Cause Buffy ... the other, not so pleasant Buffy ... anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in that much pain. Let Glory k*ll me first. Nearly bloody did. She frowns slightly, then leans forward and kisses him softly on the lips. Spike starts to kiss her back, frowns and pulls away. sh*t of her looking at him. Spike stares at her in amazement. She turns to walk away. SPIKE: And my robot? BUFFY: (turns back) The robot is gone. The robot was gross and obscene. SPIKE: (lowers his head) It wasn't supposed to- BUFFY: Don't. That ... thing, it ... it wasn't even real. She turns and takes a few more steps toward the door. Spike sits with his head hanging. Buffy pauses again but doesn't turn back to him. BUFFY: What you did, for me, and Dawn ... that was real. Spike lifts his head to look at her. She turns to look at him over her shoulder. BUFFY: I won't forget it. She walks out, closing the door behind her. Spike stares after her. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x18 - Intervention"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Monks running in fear. Glory smashing through the warehouse. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. QUENTIN TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon, she's a god. The dying monk talking to Buffy. MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human... Monks chanting. MONK: ...and sent it to you. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. Dawn in the hospital talking to Ben. DAWN: I'm not real. BEN: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you, she's here! Ben morphing into Glory. Ben talking to Jinx. BEN: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent- JINX: An innocent? BEN: It's not a person. Ben s*ab Jinx. Glory in her apartment. GLORY: What about the key? JINX: He indicated that it was a person. Spike tied up in Glory's apartment. SPIKE: I'll tell you who the sodding key is. GLORY: The vampire is lying to me. SPIKE: The Slayer is going to kick your lopsided ass. Glory kicking Spike across the room, through the door. Episode opens on the UC Sunnydale campus. Exterior of a building, students walking around and talking. Cut to a classroom. Close sh*t of a pair of hands fiddling with a slide projector. In the background the door opens and Buffy comes in. We see students leaving. The person at the slide projector is the professor. Buffy walks over to him. BUFFY: Professor Lillian? PROFESSOR: Buffy. BUFFY: I'm sorry that I missed the lecture today. (professor continues struggling with the slide machine) Was it good? He gives her a look. BUFFY: Um, of course it was. (He returns to fiddling) D-do you want me to try? PROFESSOR: Yes, thanks, the ... (gesturing vaguely) slide is stuck in the ... thing. BUFFY: Okay. (begins pulling at the slide) Um, I just ... came by to tell you that ... I have to drop this class. Um, all my classes actually. I'm not finishing the semester. I wish it ... um ... I just, I can't be in school right now. I, I have to take care of my sister. PROFESSOR: (nods) Yes, I, I thought you might. I was very sorry to hear about your loss. Buffy looks pensive for a moment, then reaches for her bag. BUFFY: Um, I have these forms from the registrar's office that I need you to sign. She gives him the papers. PROFESSOR: Oh ... yes. He puts the papers on the table, puts on his glasses to read them. Buffy waits while he signs the papers and gives them back. BUFFY: Thanks. She puts them in her bag as the professor takes his glasses back off. Then she looks back up at him. PROFESSOR: Is there something else? BUFFY: No. Yes. Yeah. Um ... I wanted to tell you ... how much I enjoyed this class. (resumes pulling at the slide projector) I mean, I know that I wasn't the best student, but ... I really learned a lot. Uh, and I really like poetry. (sh*t of her hands on the projector) I really do. The stuck slide pops out and goes flying across the room. BUFFY: (embarrassed) Oh, sorry. PROFESSOR: (smiles) I'm glad you like poetry, Buffy. BUFFY: I wish I had time for it. But I just ... don't right now. PROFESSOR: Well, maybe short poems. BUFFY: Yeah! Like, like those, those Japanese ones that, that, um, sound like a sneeze? PROFESSOR: Haiku? BUFFY: Right. Maybe those. A-and hopefully I'll be back next semester. Cut to Ben rushing down the hospital hallways, looking anxious. BUFFY VOICEOVER: When I'm more myself again. Ben approaches two doctors who are standing there looking at a clipboard. One wears a white lab coat, the other blue scrubs. They seem to be waiting for Ben. DOCTOR: Benjamin. This is a pleasant surprise. BEN: I'm sorry I'm late. DOCTOR: You're not late. BEN: (looks at his watch) But sir- DOCTOR: You can't be late to a job that you don't have. (gives the clipboard to the other doctor who walks away) Interestingly enough, I've decided to give your job to someone who'll actually do it. (Ben sighs in annoyance) Honest to God, Ben! I've been calling you for two weeks. Where the hell have you been? I didn't wanna ... I'm sorry to f*re you, but I need somebody I can count on. BEN: (surprised) I haven't been here... (resigned) I haven't been here in two weeks. (hopefully) There's an explanation for this. Which ... I ... can't exactly give you. I - can I just tell you it's not my fault? DOCTOR: (nods) Sure. You can also tell me that the dog ate your homework, or maybe eating Twinkies made you do it, or ... maybe yeah, that there's really a wicked demonic creature living inside you that takes control of your body and forces you to do its bidding. (sighs) Take responsibility for your actions, Ben! BEN: I ... this ... (angrily) you know, forget it. Just forget it. He turns to walk away. Fast-cut to Ben cleaning out his locker, angrily throwing clothes into a bag while talking to himself. BEN: This is so unfair. You're taking everything away from me. Everything I worked for, I earned, I care about. These are my choices, this is my life, and you're ruining it! (pauses, shakes his head) No. No. Not here. Not now, please. (puts his hands to his face) I'm Ben. I'm Ben. I'm Ben. He continues to repeat this phrase while turning to bang his hand against the side of the locker. Focus on his hand as it shrinks and becomes Glory's hand. Pan over to Glory standing where Ben was. She looks around with a small smile. GLORY: I'm hungry. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Troy T. Blendell, Anne Betancourt, Leland Crooke, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Grossman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Glory taking a bubble bath. Beside the bathtub three of her demons are kneeling, with blindfolds over their eyes. One holds a tray with a wine glass on it, another holds a large box of chocolate. GLORY: (happy sigh) We got this part right, that's for sure. Lot of sucky things in this dimension -- bubble baths? Not one of 'em. (blows some bubbles) Know what I mean? JINX: I am in thunderous agreement, oh glittering, glistening Glorificus. GLORY: I wasn't talking to you. MURK: Uh, begging your pardon, and begging in general, but ... were you talking to me? GLORY: Eww. Yeah, right. Like any of you have ever bathed, anyway. MURK: Oh, but we do, your scrumptiousness. We bathe in your splendiforous radiance, your aromatic- GLORY: How about you shut up and listen to me, you disgusting little fools? (all three bow their heads) Okay. Now, I asked for the key, and you brought me a vampire. A pulseless, impure, follicly-fried vampire. Loofah! Murk produces a large loofah and gives it to her. She begins scrubbing her leg. GLORY: So, what I think we have here is a failure for you to do your frickin' jobs, pardon my French. (shoves the loofah back into Murk's hand) Mimosa. Slook holds out the tray and Glory takes the glass. GLORY: Mmm ... (sips, smiles) Vitamins. (briskly) So I think you better rack your little minion brains, and tell me everything that you saw when you were spying on Buffy and her wacky pals. Everything. Mm. Then I'll figure out who the key is. BUFFY VOICEOVER: You lied to me? Cut to head-sh*t of Dawn sitting in a chair. DAWN: Didn't ... lie ... e-exactly. BUFFY: (OS) Really. Cut to head-sh*t of Buffy sitting next to her. BUFFY: What about all the times I asked you how school was and you said "fine"? DAWN: Well, it was! (softly) You didn't ask if I was in it when it was fine. We see a woman sitting behind a desk with a nameplate saying "Principal Stevens." Buffy and Dawn sit in chairs on the other side of the desk. Buffy sighs. BUFFY: I-I don't know what to say. I-I'm sure you're aware that the past few months, you know, have been kind of hard for Dawn. Not that I'm saying that's an excuse. PRINCIPAL: I understand. Your mother was a lovely woman and we'll all miss her very much. I know how difficult it must be. BUFFY: It is. Especially for Dawn. She-she's just a kid. PRINCIPAL: Well ... I think we both know that Dawn is a lot more than "just a kid." Dawn looks alarmed, looks over at Buffy, who returns the look. PRINCIPAL: (leans forward) She's a talented young girl ... with a sharp mind ... (to Dawn) when she puts the effort in. Dawn looks away in relief. BUFFY: Look. I realize that there's been some ball-dropping, but I'm sure this will all- PRINCIPAL: Dawn, why don't you wait outside for a few minutes? Dawn looks very scared. She looks over at Buffy, who gives her a nod. Dawn gets up and leaves. Buffy watches her go with a sigh. The principal gives Buffy a stern look. Buffy faces her head-on. Cut to: interior magic shop, day. Xander and Willow sit at the table, he's reading a comic book and she's reading something else. In the background there's an older couple walking around browsing. The camera pans around to reveal Anya on the other side of the table, standing, watching the customers. sh*t of the customers examining the merchandise. sh*t of Anya watching them, partly hidden behind a display case. XANDER: Honey. Anya whirls around to face him. XANDER: Old saying. "A watched customer never buys." ANYA: They would if they were patriotic. Xander and Willow both put down their reading material, look at Anya, then look at each other. XANDER: (to Willow) Okay, I'm goin' in. (to Anya) Patriotic? ANYA: Yes. I've recently come to realize there's more to me than just being human. (proudly) I'm also an American. Giles appears, holding a cup of tea. GILES: Yes, I suppose you are, in a manner of speaking. You were born here -- your mortal self. He walks past her. ANYA: Well, that's right, foreigner. (Giles gives her a look) So I've been reading a lot about the good ol' us of A (she says "us" not "U.S."), embracing the extraordinarily precious ideology that's helped to shape and define it. WILLOW: Democracy? ANYA: Capitalism. The free market depends on the profitable exchange of goods for currency. (Xander and Willow exchange an amused look) It's a system of symbiotic beauty apparently lost on these old people. (turns to look back at the customers) Look at 'em. Perusing the shelves. Undressing the merchandise with their eyeballs (turns back to the others) all ogle, no cash. It's not just annoying, it's unAmerican. Giles comes over to her and peers past her at the customers. GILES: Appalling. Almost as if they no longer think money can buy happiness. He walks off. ANYA: Totally unAmerican. Oh, and you know what else is unAmerican? French people. WILLOW: You don't say. ANYA: From what I hear, they don't tip. Now, French old people? That's *really* the bottom of the barrel, you know? XANDER: Ahn, how's about we try being a bit less prejudiced, and a bit more inclusive? Not us, (indicates himself and Willow, then points to Anya) just you. ANYA: Fine. I'm gonna make those fogeys buy things. She turns and walks toward the customers. The door opens and Buffy enters, followed by Dawn. Buffy gives Anya a little wave as they head down the stairs toward the table. XANDER: Hey, what's up? It's Dawn Giovanni and the Buffster. DAWN: (sullen) Hi. BUFFY: Hey everybody. GILES: I trust everything went well at the university? BUFFY: Yep, I'm, uh, all dropped out. (she and Dawn sit at the table) XANDER: Good on you. Welcome to the real world. Lot of fun to be had on the outside. (looks at Willow) You'll see. BUFFY: Well, it's just for now. I mean, I'm thinking that I'm probably gonna go back next semester. XANDER: And that's cool too. Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as ... (nervous laugh) as your ... (frowns; Buffy looks curiously at him) You know, I'm searching for supportive things, and I'm comin' up all bras, so... (Buffy smiles) something slightly more manly, think of me as that. sh*t of Dawn not smiling. XANDER: (quietly) Seriously. Whatever you need. BUFFY: Thank you. Actually, I need to talk to Giles alone for a minute. (Giles looks up from his tea and newspaper) XANDER: (OS) Cool, that's cool. BUFFY: (stands) Uh, Dawn, why don't you get started on your homework? Uh, if you need help, (turns to Willow) Will, could you? (Willow nods) Okay. Buffy and Giles walk out as Dawn opens her schoolbag. Cut to the workout room. Buffy sits on the sofa in the background with her chin in her hand as Giles toys with the punching bag in the foreground. BUFFY: I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I mean, she's messing up ... I'm messing up ... it's a mess. GILES: You're just going to have to put your foot down with her. BUFFY: I try. It's just ... my foot's not used to being put down. (turns to Giles) I want you to do it. (Giles sighs) You can be the foot-putting-downer. GILES: No, Buffy, I don't think I can. BUFFY: Please? Pretty please? (desperately) I mean, your foot is way bigger than mine! And you're so much more a grownup than me. Dawn needs an authority figure. A strong guiding hand. She'll listen to you. GILES: (scoffs) Just like you always have. BUFFY: I listen! Giles gives her a look. BUFFY: (pouts) I do. GILES: (removes his glasses, sits next to her) Well, then perk up your ears. I may be a grownup, but you're her family. Her only real family now. She needs you to do this. BUFFY: (nervous) Right. She needs me. (Giles looks sympathetic) Me, the ... grownup. (more confidently) The authority figure. The, the strong guiding hand and, and stompy foot that is me. GILES: That's the spirit. BUFFY: (small smile) Okay. (nods) I can do this. (gets up) GILES: (gets up) I know you can. They walk a few steps toward the door, then Buffy whirls around to face Giles. BUFFY: Please? GILES: No. He takes her shoulders, turns her around. She takes a deep breath. BUFFY: Okay. (Giles nods) Here we go. Pause. Then she begins to walk again. Giles follows, still with hands on her shoulders. BUFFY: (reciting) Early to bed, early to rise, balanced breakfast, hospital corners. It's a new beginning. Cut to the main room as Buffy and Giles emerge. BUFFY: Discipline. Authority. Order. We hear giggling. Buffy looks into the main room and discovers Xander, Anya, and Willow lying on the floor head-to-toe forming a triangle. Dawn stands in the middle. All are giggling. Dawn sees Buffy and stops laughing. BUFFY: (storms forward) What is this? I thought I told you to do your homework! The others gets up from the floor. DAWN: I was. BUFFY: (folds her arms) Please don't lie to me. DAWN: I'm not. Giles, Xander, and Anya move away into the shop. WILLOW: We were acting out a geometry problem, 'cause I read this really neat article that said kids learn math better if you, you stimulate their, uh, visual learning pattern. You know, using the right side of the brain instead of just the left? Buffy still looks stern and unamused. WILLOW: (OS) Stuff like that. BUFFY: Uh-huh. WILLOW: So we made a triangle with our bodies, and that's when I called Xander obtuse, and he got really grumpy (smiling; Dawn giggles) and then Dawn said we were "acute" triangle, and, well, hilarity ensued. BUFFY: Right. Well, you know what I think? I think maybe Dawn should do her homework at home. Both Willow and Dawn stop smiling, look disappointed. DAWN: B-but it was working. I was really learning. BUFFY: Please get your stuff. Dawn scowls, looks at Willow. DAWN: Fine. Don't listen to me. (goes to get her stuff) WILLOW: (walking over to Buffy) Please don't be grouchy with her. Who among us can resist the allure of really funny math puns? BUFFY: It's really important that Dawn finishes her schoolwork right now. sh*t of Dawn listening to them from the table. WILLOW: (OS) Yeah, I know, but... Dawn turns back to her stuff as Willow glances at her. WILLOW: We were having good clean educational fun, and then all of a sudden it was all gloom and doom and the outlawing of human triangles. BUFFY: (firmly) It's *really* important that Dawn finishes her schoolwork right now. WILLOW: I know it is, and I'm a big fan of school. You know me! I'm like, (sings) "Go school! It's your birthday!" Or something to that effect. BUFFY: Look, Willow, I know that you mean well, but you just don't understand, and there's no way that you could. WILLOW: I do so understand, it ... you're stressed out. BUFFY: I'm more than stressed out. I'm freaked out. WILLOW: Yeah, well, maybe you need a break to de-freak. Hey, you could go to the World's Culture fair if you want to, with me and Tara. BUFFY: (quietly) I don't think so. WILLOW: Come on. You can bring Dawn. It'll be fun. Good, educational-type fun in a discipline-y sort of way. BUFFY: I can't do it, Will. Don't worry. It's not like I don't have a life. I do. I have Dawn's life. Buffy walks over to the table where Dawn stands, holding her stuff. Buffy picks up her bag without breaking her stride. BUFFY: Ready? Dawn looks sullen, turns and falls into step behind Buffy. She casts a look over her shoulder at Willow as they leave. Cut to: close sh*t of Glory in her apartment. GLORY: So it's her. Under our noses all this time. I like the detail work those monks did. (smiling) Quirks, foibles, passions ... it's all so cute, so ... human. You know? We see that she's sitting on the sofa with the three monks standing before her. They all nod and smile. GLORY: Pretty convincing really. (ponders) But not convincing enough. She slowly stands up and looks each demon in the eye. GLORY: You all know your assignments. (smiles widely) I think it's time to collect the key. She whirls around and begins to walk out. The monks follow her in single-file. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Willow and Tara's dorm room. Tara is looking in the closet for clothing while Willow sits on the bed putting on her shoes. WILLOW: It wasn't anything really. Buffy was just a little crabby at Dawn about her schoolwork. TARA: Well, it's understandable. (puts something on the bed, turns back to close the closet door) WILLOW: Yeah, sure it is. I'd totally be bl*wing off classes if I were in Dawnie's shoes. TARA: (smiles) Sweetie, you wouldn't blow off a class if your head was on f*re. (goes over to the sink) And, I meant Buffy. WILLOW: (putting on earrings) Buffy what? TARA: Understandable about the crabby. She has to look after Dawn now. WILLOW: (putting on a jacket) Yeah, but not in a Miss Minchin's Select Seminary For Girls way. I mean, she's just gonna make Dawnie more rebellious. TARA: I had to deal with my brother's problems after ... I mean, you can't really know what it's like to- WILLOW: Yeah, I know that. Tara makes a noise of displeasure, frowns, sits on the bed next to Willow. TARA: I, I didn't mean to- WILLOW: No, I just ... I ... I know I can't know what you went through. (Tara frowns) But I just ... (fake laugh) It's no big. TARA: I made you mad. WILLOW: No. No. TARA: All I meant was- WILLOW: No, it's okay. This whole Buffy thing, let's just forget it. TARA: No, please. I mean, I mean, tell me if I said something wrong, otherwise I know I'll say it again. Probably often and in public. WILLOW: No, I was snippy gal. It's just ... I know I can't ... on some level ... (sighs) it's like my opinion isn't worth anything because I haven't been through ... (sighs) I didn't lose my mom, so I don't know. TARA: Well ... I-I'm not the expert. I mean, I've only lost the one. Willow gives a sympathetic smile. Tara looks anxious. TARA: (uncertainly) Do ... I act like ... the big knowledge woman? Wide sh*t of the two of them sitting on the bed, facing each other, with at least a foot separating them. WILLOW: (weakly) No. TARA: Is that no spelled Y-E-S? WILLOW: S-O-R-T of. (Tara frowns) I mean, I just feel like the-the junior partner. You've been doing everything longer than me. You've been out longer ... you've been practicing witchcraft way longer. TARA: Oh, but you're way beyond me there! In just a few- I mean ... it frightens me how powerful you're getting. WILLOW: (frowns) That's a weird word. TARA: (nervous smile) "Getting"? WILLOW: It frightens you? *I* frighten you? TARA: (jumps up from the bed) That is *so* not what I meant. I meant i-impresses - impressive. WILLOW: Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is. Tara looks upset. WILLOW: D-don't you trust me? TARA: With my life. WILLOW: That's not what I mean. TARA: Can't we just go to the fair? WILLOW: I don't feel real multicultural right now. (stands up) Wh ... what is it about me that you don't trust? TARA: It's not that. I worry, sometimes. You're, you're changing so much, so fast. I don't know where you're heading. WILLOW: Where I'm heading? TARA: I'm saying everything wrong. WILLOW: No, I think you're being pretty clear. This isn't about the witchcraft. It's about the other changes in my life. TARA: I trust you. I just ... (looks down) I don't know where I'm gonna fit in ... in your life when... WILLOW: When ... I change back? Yeah, this is a college thing, just a, a little experimentation before I get over the thrill and head back to boys' town. Pause. WILLOW: You think that? TARA: Should I? WILLOW: I'm really sorry that I didn't establish my lesbo street cred before I got into this relationship. You're the only woman I've ever fallen in love with, so ... how on earth could you ever take me seriously? She walks toward the door. TARA: Willow, please! WILLOW: Have fun at the fair. Willow storms out. Tara stands there looking upset. Cut to: exterior Summers house, day. A couple of Glory's demons walk up the front porch, over to the side window, kneel down and look in the window. Inside we see the living room. Dawn is sitting at the table while Buffy stands. The camera moves in through the window. Buffy is folding dish towels on the table while Dawn is doing homework. BUFFY: Okay, so, I-I think the next step is to make a chart. A schedule. (Dawn gives her an angry look) I'll write down all the things you're supposed to do, and when you have to do them, and then I'll leave a box next to it, which you can mark with an X when you've accomplished the task. Dawn stares at her with a sullen expression. BUFFY: What? You want gold stars? (rolls her eyes) Okay. You can have gold stars. DAWN: I don't want gold stars. (scoffs) I don't want any of this. She puts down her pencil and crosses her arms. Buffy pauses in her towel-folding. BUFFY: I'm just trying to give you a normal life. DAWN: (sarcastic) Well, good luck. Dawn returns to her schoolwork. Buffy stands and stares at her. Dawn pauses, looks up warily. DAWN: What? (rolls eyes, sits back) What am I doing wrong now? BUFFY: This is for real, Dawn. DAWN: No, it's not. I'm not real, so why would my exciting graph of chores be real? Who cares if a key gets an education anyway? (slams her textbook shut, folds her arms again) BUFFY: It's a chart. Not a graph. And you are real. DAWN: Yeah? Those monks put grades K through eight in my head. Can't we just wait and see if they drop nine in there too? Buffy slams her hand down on the table, making Dawn jump and wince. BUFFY: Damn it, Dawn. This is serious. DAWN: Why? Why should I care about any of this? BUFFY: Because they'll take you away! b*at. Long sh*t of the two of them facing off across the table. Dawn unfolds her arms and looks scared. DAWN: Take me away? What do you mean? BUFFY: (softly) They'll take you away from me. That's what your principal told me when you weren't in the room. If I can't make you go to school, then I won't be found fit to be your legal guardian. She resumes folding towels. Dawn absorbs this for a moment. DAWN: Where would I go? BUFFY: (softly) I don't know. Dad maybe ... or foster care ... I, I didn't really want to ask. DAWN: (pause, scoffs) You could've told me that. BUFFY: I just did. Buffy continues folding as Dawn sits there. Fade to a park, day. Balloons and paper lanterns are hanging from trees. People are walking around, some in costume, some holding carnival prizes. A group of cheerleaders waving pompoms. A group of Chinese men dancing with a large paper dragon. Flags of many nations hang from a wire above. Soft sad music over faint crowd noises. sh*t of Tara sitting alone on a park bench, at the far right of it, looking sad. Cut to: magic shop. Giles walks over to the counter carrying two cups of tea, goes behind the counter where Anya is doing paperwork, gives her a mug. Pan across to a corner where Willow sits on the floor, beside a bookcase, amongst a pile of cushions, looking sad. Sad music continues. Cut back to Tara on the bench. She looks idly off to her left. sh*t of Tara's right hand lying on the bench. Another hand appears and slips into Tara's. The fingers entwine together. Tara smiles, looks down at the entwined hands, then looks up at the face and stops smiling. The sad music stops. GLORY: Is this seat taken? Tara gasps in fear. Cut back to magic shop. Willow walks around the corner toward the counter. Giles is opening a box. GILES: I hope this isn't a return. Everyone wants petrified hamsters and they're never happy with them. Willow leans on the counter still looking sad. Giles notices her expression. GILES: You all right? WILLOW: Yeah. GILES: Ah yes, because your good mood is both obvious and contagious. WILLOW: I had a fight with Tara. It was awful. GILES: Oh, I'm sorry. (takes the box and walks toward the shelves behind the counter) WILLOW: (OS) Me too. GILES: You two don't quarrel much, do you? WILLOW: Never. Until today. GILES: Well, now it's over. WILLOW: (very upset) Over? How can it be over? I just found her! GILES: The quarrel is over. WILLOW: (quieter) Oh. Yeah. GILES: Uh, you'll feel better when you've made your apologies and you'll know that you can fight without the world ending. (walks toward the rear door) I know it all seems bleak now, but as they say, this too... Giles opens the door to discover one of Glory's demons, Slook, who was listening at the door. Slook falls into the room. GILES: ...shall pass. Willow and Anya both stare. Cut to: Giles holding the demon by the ear, dragging him into the shop and throwing him into a chair. Willow and Anya rush over. ANYA: Wow! GILES: Now, what do we have here? ANYA: Oh, he's one of those things that work for Glory! GILES: Yes. How helpful. SLOOK: I do indeed work for the god. Let me go if you do not wish to incur her anger. GILES: Well, she's not here. What a marvelous opportunity for you and me to talk. SLOOK: I will not betray Glorificus. I will never talk, no matter what heinous t*rture- GILES: Actually, you're talking quite a lot, just not about the right things. Tell us why you're here. SLOOK: No words shall pass my lips that will bring peril to Glorificus. Giles doesn't take his eyes off the demon, but points with his hand. GILES: Girls, get the twine that's on the counter, let's tie him up. Willow and Anya turn away. We hear some sort of rustling noise and Slook begins to sob. The girls turn back in amazement. SLOOK: No, no! I'll tell you! Anything! Please! Whatever you want! Just, I'll, anything! The girls walk back over. ANYA: What happened? GILES: He changed his mind. SLOOK: I'm ... I'm supposed to watch. We're watching the Slayer's people ... while Glory fetches the key. Everyone looks alarmed. WILLOW: Glory knows who the key is? GILES: Oh god. (removes his glasses) ANYA: We've got to call Buffy. SLOOK: Too late. Too late. Glorificus will find the witch, and there's nothing you can do to stop her. ANYA: Witch? What do you mean? WILLOW: (horrified) Tara! Willow turns to run out. SLOOK: She's the new one among you. It wasn't hard to figure out. The glorious one will have found her by now. GILES: (yells) Willow, wait! I'll go with- WILLOW: No! Call Buffy a-and go look in Tara's room, I'm gonna check the fair. She runs out. Cut back to the fair. Glory is still sitting beside Tara and holding her hand as Tara looks at her with fear. GLORY: Oh, this is nice. Just hangin' out, just us girls. You like that sort of thing, don't you? sh*t of their entwined hands. Glory squeezes and we hear bones cracking. Tara winces in pain. TARA: Aah... GLORY: Don't ... make a sound. Tara gasps and whimpers as Glory looks around at the other fair attendees. The people walk around not seeming to notice anything. GLORY: Nah. They won't help you. I'd k*ll them. You know that. Tara looks around desperately. sh*t of three bicycle cops riding away. Overhead sh*t of the fair. GLORY: There's no one here that can stop me. Tara continues gasping and panting. GLORY: I'll k*ll her (sh*t of a random woman) and ... and them (sh*t of a random couple) I'll k*ll him, and her and her, (laughs) and it'll all be your fault. sh*t of their hands. Glory's nails dig in and Tara's blood begins to drip out between their fingers. Tara continues whimpering softly in pain and breathing erratically. GLORY: Kinda funny, isn't it? All these people here and ... no one who can do a thing. Not a person who can help you. Tara whimpers and turns her head to look at Glory. GLORY: But that's people for ya. They're pretty worthless. (watches some people go by) But keys, on the other hand ... keys are worth a very lot. Glory smiles and brings their clenched hands up to lick off some of the blood. Then she makes a disgusted face and spits. GLORY: You lying little tramp! You're not the key, you're nothing! Just another worthless human being! TARA: I didn't- GLORY: I hate being lied to. It makes me feel so betrayed. (considers) Hey! (turns back to Tara) You wanna make it all better? Tara looks at her with fear. GLORY: If you tell me who the key really is ... I'll let you go. Tara looks alarmed. Glory gives her hand another squeeze and she whimpers again as we hear more bones crack. GLORY: Think about it. You think your hand hurts? Imagine what you'd feel with my fingers wiggling in your brain. (Tara looks very scared) It doesn't k*ll you. What it does ... is make you feel like you're in a noisy little dark room ... (Glory frowns and fidgets uncomfortably) naked and ashamed ... and there are things in the dark that need to hurt you because you're bad ... little pinching things that go in your ears ... (Tara begins to cry) and crawl on the inside of your skull. And you know ... that if the noise and the crawling would stop ... that you could remember how to get out. Glory contemplates this as Tara continues to cry quietly. Then Glory turns to look at Tara again. GLORY: But you never, ever will. Glory squeezes her hand again and Tara gives another cry of pain. GLORY: Who ... is ... the key? Tara forces herself to stop crying and look Glory in the eye, saying nothing. GLORY: Fine. Let's get crazy. Glory caresses the side of Tara's face with her other hand. Tara whimpers and tries to pull her face away. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on an overhead sh*t of the fair. WILLOW: (OS) Tara! We see Willow running through the crowds. WILLOW: Tara! sh*t of Tara and Glory on the bench. Willow runs toward them. WILLOW: By force of heart and mindful power, by waning time and waxing hour ... Glory puts her hand on Tara's head. People keep walking past and blocking them from view so it's difficult to tell what's happening. WILLOW: I echo Diana, um, when I decree ... uh, what is it, what is it? sh*t of Glory with both her hands on Tara's temples. WILLOW: No! No! The light begins to stream out as Glory's fingers enter Tara's head. Both Tara and Glory cry out. Willow reaches the edge of the path but is blocked by the Chinese dragon people and has to stop. WILLOW: That she I love must now be free! sh*t of Tara with Glory's fingers still in her head and the light streaming out as Tara makes a pained face. People continue walking past and blocking her from view. sh*t of Willow straining to see around the people. WILLOW: Tara! The crowd clears momentarily and we see Tara sitting alone on the bench with her head lolling to one side. WILLOW: No! Willow runs over and sits on the bench, grabs Tara by the shoulders. Tara doesn't react or look at her. WILLOW: Tara, Tara, are you okay? TARA: It's dirty. It's all dirty. And all over me! She begins brushing at her stomach as if to brush off dirt. TARA: Dirty. Dirty. I'm bad. Bad. (whimpering) WILLOW: (crying) Tara. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Willow pulls Tara's head down onto her shoulder and rocks her gently. Overhead sh*t of them on the bench. People continue to walk by all around them. Cut to: interior hospital. Giles is looking at some X-rays of a hand that are posted on the wall. He removes his glasses and wipes his eyes as he turns and the camera pans across to reveal Anya and Xander, then Tara sitting on the edge of an exam table wearing a hospital gown. She looks straight ahead with a glazed expression. Her hand is bandaged. We see Willow sitting beside her. WILLOW: Can she go home now? We see the same doctor who fired Ben earlier. DOCTOR: Unfortunately, no. Hospital policy dictates we keep her for the night. WILLOW: But does she have to? I-I can take care of her at home. TARA: It's poisoned. (to Willow, matter-of-factly) Why don't I tell you that? It, it has to be checked, though. Willow looks sad. Tara looks confused. DOCTOR: She your sister? TARA: I-i-it has to be verified, of course. Anyone can tell you that. Of course. (looking from one person to the next) Of course, of course. WILLOW: (staring at Tara) She's my everything. DOCTOR: Well, you can get her released first thing in the morning. But she's gotta spend one night in the psych ward. Just for observation. We'll keep an eye on her, do a couple basic tests, then you can take her home. Does that sound fair? (Willow nods uncertainly) Well, sit tight then, and I'll send a nurse by in a few minutes to pick up Tara. The doctor leaves as Anya and Xander give Willow concerned looks. Willow stands and brushes hair back from Tara's face. XANDER: Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place. GILES: It's dreadful. ANYA: It's like communism. Buffy enters. BUFFY: Hey. Will, I'm so sorry. She hugs Willow, looking over her shoulder at Tara. sh*t of Tara staring vaguely at nothing. Buffy and Willow pull apart. Willow has tears in her eyes. She looks at Tara who gives her a huge smile. TARA: They k*ll mice. sh*t of Willow with tears on her cheeks. BUFFY: Tara. Buffy hugs Tara, who doesn't react. Buffy pulls back slowly and looks at Willow. BUFFY: I'm sorry it took me so long, but Dawn's safe with Spike, so I-I can stay as long as you need. Willow puts her hand over Tara's non-bandaged hand. WILLOW: (to Buffy) I'm so scared. Buffy puts her hand on Willow's cheek. SPIKE VOICEOVER: Nothin' to be worried about, kid. Cut to Spike leading Dawn through his underground cavern. Spike moves a little slowly and with a slight limp. Dawn holds a flashlight. SPIKE: No one's gonna hurt you. DAWN: Oh yeah? Same no one who did that to you? SPIKE: What, these? It's just a few bruises. We see that Spike is still looking very bruised and battered from his encounter with Glory in "Intervention." SPIKE: Nothin' to write home about. He stops and turns back to see Dawn's nervous expression. SPIKE: Hey, chin up, platelet. Don't get scared. Maybe Glory doesn't wanna k*ll you, maybe it's something- DAWN: Worse? Spike doesn't respond, walks a little more. Dawn sits down on a rock. Spike turns to watch her as she sits there looking scared, facing away from him. He slowly walks toward her. SPIKE: Hey. He puts out a hand to touch her hair, but pulls it back quickly as she turns back toward him. DAWN: You wanna know what I'm scared of, Spike? ... Me. (tearfully) Right now, Glory thinks Tara's the key. But I'm the key, Spike. I am. And anything that happens to Tara ... is 'cause of me. Your bruises, your limp ... that's all me too. I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt. (crying) And everyone around me suffers and dies. I ... must be something so horrible ... to cause so much pain ... and evil. SPIKE: (firmly) Rot. DAWN: (teary) What do you know? SPIKE: I'm a vampire. I know somethin' about evil. You're not evil. DAWN: Maybe ... I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good. (looks up at Spike with a hopeful expression) SPIKE: (considers) Well, I'm not good, and I'm okay. Cut to Tara in a wheelchair. A nurse is trying to settle her into the chair. Tara pushes at the nurse's hands trying to stop her. TARA: (upset) Don't! Please don't with that treachery! She calms down slightly as the nurse goes around behind the wheelchair and begins to wheel her out. Tara looks up at Willow. TARA: I told the cat. And now I beg my mother sitting all alone. WILLOW: Bye, Tara. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you. Tara whimpers as the nurse wheels her out. We see her good hand reaching back toward Willow. Willow watches her go, tries to run after her but Xander steps into her path. XANDER: Willow. No. It's just for one night. (We see Buffy in the background leaning against the wall) WILLOW: Yeah, I-I know, but ... it's a whole night. I don't think I can sleep without her. ANYA: You can sleep with me. Everyone looks at Anya. ANYA: Well, now that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head. BUFFY: (comes forward) Will, you just have to rest. Okay? Right now there's nothing you can do. WILLOW: (ponders) Yes there is. (walks out the door) BUFFY: No. No way. Buffy chases Willow out into the hallway and stops her. BUFFY: You cannot even think about taking on Glory. WILLOW: You saw what she did to Tara. I can't let her get away with it. BUFFY: No. You *have* to let her get away with it. Even I'm no match for her, you know that. WILLOW: But maybe I am. She turns to go but Buffy grabs her arm. BUFFY: You're not. And I won't let you go. WILLOW: This is not your choice. It's mine. BUFFY: This is not the time. WILLOW: When, Buffy? When is? When *you* feel like it? When it's someone *you* love as much as I love Tara? When it's Dawn, is that it? BUFFY: When we have a chance. We'll fight her, when we have a chance. You wouldn't last five minutes with her, Willow. She's a god. WILLOW: (shakes her head sadly) Fine. I'll wait. BUFFY: It's the only way. WILLOW: (skeptical) Yeah. Willow starts to walk away. BUFFY: Can I do anything? WILLOW: (not turning back) Just let me be alone. Buffy watches her go with a concerned expression. Cut to: interior magic shop. Willow bursts in at a run. She runs straight to the stairs that lead up to the loft where the more dangerous stuff is kept. She goes up the stairs, takes a small black leather back from the top of a bookshelf, kneels, and begins pulling stuff off the shelves. She opens a drawer and takes out a jeweled dagger, puts it in the bag. She pulls books and vials off the shelves and puts them in the bag. She shoves books off the shelves every which way, finally pulls out one very large old book and puts it on the floor in front of her. sh*t of the book cover reading Darkest Magick. The book has a metal lock holding it shut. Willow grabs a small axe from the shelf and hits the lock with it. The lock breaks and the book's pages flip open. The pages continue to flip past as if blown by a wind. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Glory's apartment. Glory is coming down the stairs followed by her three minions. She walks a little unsteadily. GLORY: You know, I think I'm a little buzzed from eating that witch! What a mind she has. Mmm, nummy treat. JINX: Is your grace not the slightest bit concerned about- GLORY: What, about the Slayer? Don't be stupid. I know I'm closing in. The key's as good as mine. (the demons all smile) Girl like Buffy's got just so many friends. All I gotta do it rip through 'em one by one until I finally... She stops as the walls begin to shake and rattle. Knick-knacks on the walls fall over and smash to pieces. Glory and the demons look around in confusion. The lights darken. GLORY: Did anybody order an apocalypse? The door suddenly flies open, revealing Willow floating several inches above the floor. Her hair is blown back by an unseen wind. WILLOW: Kali, Hera, Kronos, Tonic... She floats into the room toward Glory as the minions flee. WILLOW: Air like nectar, thick as onyx... We see that her eyes are completely black. WILLOW: Cassiel by your second star... GLORY: Uhh. It's the lover. (walks forward) That's so cute. WILLOW: Hold mine victim as in tar. The air around Glory shimmers and she suddenly cannot move forward. She looks at Willow in surprise. WILLOW: I ... owe ... you ... pain! Blue lightning flashes out of Willow's hands toward Glory. Glory screams and clutches her shoulders. Cut to: Buffy and Dawn sitting together in Spike's cavern. Spike stands a little ways off. DAWN: It's all my fault. BUFFY: No. (brushes Dawn's hair back) Sweetheart, it is *not* your fault. DAWN: (teary) How's Willow? BUFFY: (continues stroking Dawn's hair) She was looking to go all payback-y on Glory for a minute. But I cooled her down a little. Actually a lot. SPIKE: So she's not gonna do anything rash then. BUFFY: No. I explained that there was no point. SPIKE: (walks a little closer) Mm-hmm. BUFFY: What? SPIKE: You - so you're saying that a ... powerful and mightily pissed-off witch ... was plannin' on going and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you, what, "explained"? Buffy frowns, looks at Dawn and back at Spike. BUFFY: You think she'd ... no. I told Willow it would be like su1c1de. SPIKE: I'd do it. Buffy stares at him. SPIKE: (looks down at the ground) Right person. Person I loved. (looks at Buffy) I'd do it. Buffy continues to stare at him as if not getting it. DAWN: Think, Buffy. If Glory had done that to me. Buffy glances at Spike, jumps up and races out. Cut back to Glory's apartment. WILLOW: Shatter. The mirrors in the room all shatter and the glass flies toward Glory, slicing her dress into shreds but not harming her. GLORY: Is that it? Is that the best you can do? You think I care about all this, the apartment, the clothes? She pulls off the shreds of her dress, revealing a black negligee underneath. She backhands Willow, who flies backward and topples over a sofa, landing on the floor. GLORY: Now, sucking on your girlfriend's mind? Willow lifts her head. Her eyes are still all black. GLORY: That was something to treasure. Willow gets to her feet, wearing a very angry expression. There's a small trickle of blood coming out of her mouth and down her chin. sh*t of the black bag on the floor. It slides across the floor toward Willow, who turns to look at it. The bag opens of its own accord. GLORY: (amused) What's this? Bag of tricks? A bunch of daggers fly up out of the bag. WILLOW: Bag of knives. The daggers fly toward Glory, who bats them all aside. One buries itself in the wall. WILLOW: Spirit of serpents now appear. Glory picks up a coffee-table and throws it at Willow, knocking her down again. Willow braces herself up on her hands and looks back at Glory. WILLOW: Hissing, writhing, striking near. A snake appears out of the carpet Glory's standing on and winds itself around her leg. sh*t of Willow still on the floor, panting and watching. Glory shakes her foot and the snake disappears in a puff of smoke. Glory walks forward. GLORY: Now this is getting weak. She grabs Willow by the throat and pulls her to a sitting position. GLORY: And so are you, honey. Aren't ya? Willow spits in her face. Glory looks startled. Glory grabs Willow's arm and drags her across the floor to where one of the daggers is lying. Glory scoops it up and continues dragging Willow. WILLOW: No! Glory pulls Willow up and shoves her against the wall, holding her by the throat. GLORY: Know what they used to do to witches, lover? (brings up her other hand with the dagger) Crucify 'em. Glory pulls her arm back to s*ab with the Kn*fe, but Buffy appears and grabs Glory's wrist. BUFFY: They used to bow down to gods. Glory smiles in delight. Buffy kicks her in the stomach and she lets go of Willow, who falls to the floor. Buffy twists Glory's arm aside, punches her. BUFFY: Things change. Buffy cartwheels across the floor to kick Glory in the face, punches her a few times, kicks her again, spins around to punch but Glory blocks. Buffy does a flip and kicks Glory in the face, comes back upright and throws another couple of punches which Glory evades. Glory pins Buffy's arm behind her back and throws her over a sofa. GLORY: That witch barely slowed me down. Glory glares at Buffy. Buffy kicks the sofa, which flies forward and pins Glory against the wall. Buffy runs over to Willow, helps her up. Glory shoves the sofa aside and stalks toward them. Buffy begins to lead Willow out. WILLOW: (over her shoulder) Thicken. The air around Glory thickens, rendering her immobile. Buffy and Willow run out. GLORY: (shouting) This isn't over, you hear me? It isn't over! She watches them go with an annoyed sigh. Cut to: exterior dorm building, day. Cut to inside Tara's room. Willow, Tara, Dawn, and Buffy sit on the bed. Tara's hand is still bandaged and she still stares blankly in front of her. Willow has one hand on Tara's knee. Buffy has a paper bag. She takes something out of it. BUFFY: Chicken salad? WILLOW: Right here. Buffy hands Willow the sandwich and continues taking wrapped sandwiches from the bag. BUFFY: Eggplant, that's me ... salami with ... (looks at the sandwich) ew, peanut butter? Dawn. (gives it to Dawn) DAWN: Yeah, like eggplant is normal. It's what, half egg, half plant? 'Cause that's just unnatural. Buffy continues unpacking sandwiches along with plastic bags full of grapes. WILLOW: What's Tara got? DAWN: Oh. (holds out a sandwich) I ... got her tuna. Does she like...? Willow draws Tara's attention to the sandwich. Buffy stops unpacking to look at them. DAWN: (gently) Tara? Dawn unwraps the sandwich to show Tara. Tara anxiously looks to Willow, then back at the sandwich. TARA: Plastic and their six sisters. Six sick sisters. (anxiously) Willow? WILLOW: It's okay. Let's just start slow today. Um, Buffy, could I have that? Buffy hands her a cup of applesauce and a plastic spoon. Willow opens it. WILLOW: Here you go. Willow spoons some applesauce into Tara's mouth. Tara eats it uncertainly. WILLOW: That's my girl. Buffy looks on with a sad expression as Willow continues feeding Tara. DAWN: Can I help? Willow nods, gives Dawn the cup and spoon. Tara gives Willow an anxious look but accepts the food from Dawn. Willow looks over at Buffy. BUFFY: What are you gonna need? WILLOW: I don't know. They gave me a lot of stuff to ... keep her calm. They both look at Tara, still being fed by Dawn. WILLOW: (quietly) They said I might have to restrain her at night. But ... sometimes she's fine. She looks at me, and ... she's fine. Tara makes an unhappy face. BUFFY: I'm sorry I couldn't- WILLOW: It's okay. I can do this. I'm gonna take care of her. Even if she never... Dawn looks up at this. WILLOW: (softly) She's my girl. Buffy looks sympathetically at Willow, looks at Dawn and plays with a lock of Dawn's hair. BUFFY: I understand. WILLOW: (nods) I know you do. They give each other small smiles. WILLOW: (to Tara) Hear that, baby? (Tara looks at her) You're my always. Willow kisses Tara on the forehead. Tara smiles. Suddenly the entire outside wall smashes to pieces, exposing them to the outside. Dawn and Buffy jump up in alarm. Sunlight streams in. Glory appears in the window, which is now just a broken frame with shards of glass hanging in it. GLORY: I told you this wasn't over. TARA: No. The place is cracking! It's cracking! Cracking, no, no, no! Dawn looks anxiously at Tara as Willow tries to calm her. DAWN: No, Tara, it's okay. TARA: (gasping, staring at Dawn) Oh, look at that, look at that. The light! Buffy is staring at Glory but turns to look at Tara at this. TARA: Oh, it's so pure! Such pure green energy! Dawn gasps and looks over at Glory in fear. Glory begins to smile. TARA: (still staring at Dawn) Oh, it's so beautiful. Glory's smile widens. Dawn looks fearfully at Buffy. Buffy turns to glare at Glory. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x19 - Tough Love"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Glory talking to her minions. GLORY: So it's her. Under our noses all this time. Slook the minion in the magic shop. SLOOK: Glorificus will find the witch. ANYA: Witch? WILLOW: Tara. Glory and Tara on the park bench. GLORY: You're not the key, you're nothing! WILLOW: No! Willow trying to get to Tara through crowds of people. Glory putting her fingers in Tara's brain. WILLOW: Tara! Buffy, Willow, and Tara in the hospital. BUFFY: I'm so sorry. Buffy hugging Willow. TARA: (smiling) They k*ll mice. Ben in Glory's apartment. BEN: Not if I get the key first. GRONX: Could you do it? Take a human life with your own hands? Glory breaking down the wall to the dorm room. GLORY: I told you this wasn't over. TARA: (staring at Dawn) Such pure green energy! GLORY: The key! BUFFY: Just pack up whatever supplies we need and that's it, we're gone. Knights on horseback chasing the Winnebago. BUFFY: Giles! GILES: I see them. The knight's spear impaling Giles. The Winnebago crashing. Giles in the gas station. WILLOW: Buffy! BUFFY: How is he? Will? BEN: I think I got him s*ab, but there's a lot of damage. We need to get him out of here. Flaming arrows sh**ting into the gas station. The knights gathered outside the gas station. XANDER: We got company! Gregor pointing his sword at Dawn. GREGOR: The key. Buffy hitting Gregor. GREGOR: Once the key is activated, the walls separating reality will crumble. Dimensions will bleed into each other. Buffy talking to Dawn. BUFFY: I won't let anything happen to you. Ben in the gas station. BEN: Let me out! BUFFY: Will, open a door! BEN: No! Ben morphing into Glory. Glory grabbing Dawn. DAWN: Buffy! BUFFY: Dawn! WILLOW: Buffy, you have to get up! Buffy, please! Buffy! Buffy sitting on the ground crying. Episode opens on a minion in Glory's bathroom, gathering up bottles of cosmetics. He hurries into another room where we see other minions gathering up stuff and packing. Murk walks among them. MURK: Quickly, quickly! Already we're behind schedule! Someone's bound for a beheading. Murk goes into a large walk-in closet where Gronx is taking stuff from the shelves and putting it in boxes. MURK: Let's make sure it's not me. GRONX: Why do we remain when our moment of triumph lies so close at hand? MURK: (quietly) The glorious one, having acquired much in this world, doesn't exactly travel light. They peek around a corner and we see the main room of Glory's apartment. Glory stands on top of a stool wearing an ornate gown, with tailor minions at her feet working on the gown. GLORY: Hey! Minions, I can hear you. God-like ears don't miss much, you know what I'm sayin'? (glares at them) Come here. Murk and Gronx hurry out toward her. GRONX: 'Twas he who blasphemed, your magnificence. MURK: Spurred on by treacherous urging! (Gronx hits him) GLORY: Guys! I'm not gonna k*ll you. (frowns in puzzlement) Not in the mood. What do you think that's about? GRONX: In mercy does your power lie? GLORY: No, brainless, in t*rture, death and chaos does my power lie. (frowning) So tell me, why am I not popping your head like a zit right now? The minions have no idea. GLORY: Maybe I'm just hungry. MURK: Yes, we shall fetch a, a lovely- GLORY: No, I'm not hungry. She drops the robe to the floor, revealing a simple black dress underneath. She steps impatiently down from the stool. The tailors continue to work on the robe. GLORY: Uhh! Just a little tight in the skin is all. I've been waiting an eternity - well, 25 human years - and it all comes down to tonight. GRONX: The portal shall open. MURK: And the great Glorificus shall return. GLORY: To the hell I came from. Where I'm gonna rain down more super-sized portions of slaughter, mayhem and bloodshed than any of you scabs can even dream about. (pacing, sits down on a sofa) So how come I ain't happy? (sh*t of the minions looking confused) Got everything I ever wanted ... still, something's off. She twirls her wrist a few times as if it's stiff. GLORY: I don't know. What do you think? She looks off to her left. Pan across to Dawn sitting on another sofa, bound and gagged, whimpering with fear. Cut to the gas station. Willow and Xander stand staring at something. In the background Tara is peeking out the boarded-up windows, and we see Anya standing beside Giles, who still lies on the counter but now appears to be conscious again. Sound of the door opening. Spike enters. His hands are still bandaged. SPIKE: Better part of a century spent in delinquency just paid off. (nods toward the door) Hotwired Ben's auto. Who's for gettin' the hell out of here? XANDER: All in favor, let's do it. (to Giles) You good to go? GILES: Oh, don't worry about me. How's Buffy? XANDER: The same. (turns back to staring where Willow is staring) Still. WILLOW: It's been almost a half an hour. SPIKE: (stares that way too) The Slayer's gonna be all right, won't she? b*at. XANDER: You should try it again, Will. WILLOW: All right, but ... I'm not even sure she's, you know ... really in there. XANDER: Try. Willow sighs, steps forward and kneels on the ground. Focus on her face (Buffy POV). WILLOW: Can you hear me? Buffy! We finally see what they're all looking at. Buffy sits there with her hands folded in her lap. She stares straight ahead and doesn't seem to hear or see anything. Back to focus on Willow's face. WILLOW: Buffy! Zoom in on Buffy's unresponsive face. WILLOW: (OS) Buffy? Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Dean Butler, Lily Knight, Bob Morrisey, Amber Benson as Tara, special guest star Joel Grey, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Douglas Petrie, directed by David Solomon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Buffy still unresponsive, staring at nothing. SPIKE: (OS) Buffy! The g*ng continues staring at Buffy. SPIKE: She can't just be brain-d*ad. (paces around behind Xander) I mean ... she's still Buffy, (Willow stands up) somewhere in there, right? XANDER: Spike, come on, we're not gonna get Dawn back by sittin' around here. SPIKE: You're not gonna get Dawn back any way you slice it, Harris, it's for Buffy to decide. XANDER: Good, panic. That oughta help. WILLOW: We should move her. U-unless we shouldn't. Should we? ANYA: Couldn't that make it worse? I think I read that somewhere. XANDER: I am so large with not knowing. GILES: It's impossible to know for sure. Losing Dawn, after all that Buffy's been through ... I think it's pushed her too far into some sort of catatonia. SPIKE: You don't need a diploma to see that. (moves forward) Snap her out of it. Spike grabs Buffy by the shoulders and shakes her. SPIKE: Buffy! Close sh*t on Spike's face (Buffy POV). SPIKE: Oi, rise and shine, love! The others look skeptical. ANYA: Spike... SPIKE: Come on, people. Girl's endowed with Slayer strength. It's hardly the time to get dainty. Buffy! (shakes her harder) XANDER: We tried that! Spike slaps Buffy across the face, hard. No reaction. SPIKE: Ow! (grabs his head in pain) ANYA: We didn't try that. Xander pulls Spike away. XANDER: Are you insane? We could be dealing with neurological damage here. You want to k*ll her? SPIKE: We have to do something. I can't just sit here watching. You waste time with kid gloves. I'm willing to wager, when all is said and done, Buffy likes it rough. Xander punches Spike in the face. They grapple. Willow turns to them with a stern expression. WILLOW: Separate. An unseen force pushes Spike and Xander apart. They both stare at Willow in surprise. She gives them a determined glare. Anya and Giles stare too. WILLOW: (glaring at them) Buffy's out. Glory has Dawn. Sometime real soon, she's gonna use Dawn to tear down the barrier between every dimension there is. So if you two wanna fight, do it after the world ends, okay? Spike glares at Xander. Xander goes over to Anya and Giles, leans against the counter. WILLOW: (very quietly and with authority) All right. First we head back to Sunnydale. Xander'll take Giles to a hospital. Anya's looking after Tara. And Spike, you find Glory. Check her apartment, see if she's still there. Try anything stupid, like payback, and I will get Very Cranky. (looks around at them) Everyone clear? Anya cautiously raises her hand. WILLOW: Anya. ANYA: Um ... w-what will you do? WILLOW: I'll help Buffy. ANYA: Okay then. TARA: The world is spinning. Willow looks concerned, goes over to Tara as Xander and Anya begin helping Giles down. TARA: Straight to a new day! Big day. Big, big day. WILLOW: Shh, shh. (Tara whimpers) Spike moves forward. SPIKE: Uh ... Will? Willow looks at him. SPIKE: Now, uh, don't turn me into a horned toad for asking, but ... what if we come across Ben? (sh*t of the others listening) WILLOW: I-I don't think a doctor's what Buffy needs right now. SPIKE: Well, yeah, especially not one who also happens to be Glory. (Everyone looks confused) GILES: What do you mean? SPIKE: You know. Ben is Glory. WILLOW: (frowns) You mean ... Ben's with Glory? XANDER: "With" in what sense? ANYA: They're working together? SPIKE: No. No. Ben is Glory. Glory's Ben. They're one and the same. b*at. Everyone looks completely confused (except Tara who still looks blank). ANYA: When did all this happen? SPIKE: Not one hour ago! Right here, before your very eyes! Ben came, he turned into Glory, snatched the kid, and pfft! Vanished, remember? They continue to stare at him. SPIKE: (uncertainly) You do remember...? (squints at them) Is everyone here very stoned? They continue to look confused. SPIKE: (getting annoyed) Ben! Glory! He's a doctor, she's the beast. Two entirely separate entities sharing one body. Like a bloody sitcom. Surely you remember. XANDER: So you're saying ... Ben and Glory... ANYA: Have a connection. GILES: Yes, obviously, but what kind? SPIKE: (laughs sarcastically) Oh, I get it. That's very crafty. (nods) Glory's worked the kind of mojo where anyone who sees her little presto-change-o instantly forgets. And yours truly, being somewhat other than human ... stands immune. WILLOW: (frowning) So ... Ben and Glory ... are-are the same person? XANDER: (slowly, like a revelation) Glory can turn into Ben, and Ben turns back into Glory. ANYA: And anyone who sees it instantly forgets. SPIKE: (sighs in relief) Kewpie doll for the lady. He puts one finger on his nose and points the other hand at Anya. GILES: Excellent. (looks around at them) Now. Do we suspect there may be some kind of connection between Ben and Glory? Xander and Anya look enquiringly at Spike. Spike sighs loudly. Cut to: a man wielding a blowtorch, wearing a welding mask. He turns off the blowtorch and lifts the mask. It's the crazy guy who accosted Dawn in "The Real Me." We hear rhythmic machinery noises. The guy looks around, then falls to his knees as Glory enters, followed by Dawn and some minions. Glory is again wearing the robe and has Dawn by the arm. We see that we're in some sort of warehouse. CRAZY GUY: The key. The key. As Glory walks through the warehouse we see other crazy people doing various things with machinery. They all drop their tasks and kneel on the floor as Glory and Dawn go by. The machinery noises slow and then stop. CRAZIES: The key. The key. The key. Glory, Dawn, and the minions go to a door in the back. Cut to Murk opening the door, peeking in, then nodding and gesturing behind him. He enters, followed by Dawn and Glory and two other minions. We're in what looks like a construction office. Glory pushes Dawn into a chair and turns away, putting a hand to her head. She sits on something as Murk and Gronx hover near her. The third minion stays near Dawn. He's larger than the others and wears more ornate robes. The machinery noises resume. GLORY: Unbelievable how annoying those groupies can be. MURK: Uh, they merely sense that tonight at last, the dimensional portal shall open. We see that the third minion is putting some kind of paste on Dawn's forehead, while chanting in a foreign language. Dawn looks very scared. GRONX: (OS) Ushering in the long and bloody reign of the great... Glory looks over, sees the priest minion chanting over Dawn. GLORY: What's he doing? PRIEST: I must anoint the key. GLORY: Really don't. Go. PRIEST: But- GLORY: Out! Get out, get out! Murk hurries forward and ushers the priest out. Dawn continues to look frightened. In the background we can see a window through which the crazy people are visible, going back and forth as they do whatever they're doing with the machinery. GLORY: You know ... you recapture your godhood and unleash Armageddon... (picks up a rag from a table, uses it to rub the stuff off Dawn's forehead) all of a sudden everybody wants to be a part of the inner circle. Glory wets the cloth with her tongue and rubs at Dawn's forehead some more. Dawn scrunches up her face in disgust. Glory straightens up, tosses the cloth aside, sighs. GLORY: You okay? DAWN: (weakly) I wanna go home. GLORY: Sweetie ... ohh... Glory takes another chair, pulls it over in front of Dawn, and sits on the back of the chair with her feet on the chair's seat. GLORY: You're about to. Dawn looks up hopefully. GLORY: Not that fake suburban nightmare the monks cooked up for you. I mean your real home. (Dawn begins to cry) As the key! You fit the lock. Well, it's like a lock. Hey! (pats Dawn's knee) You want a pizza? DAWN: (softly) No. GLORY: Pillow? (looks around) I don't know if this thing gets cable. Doubtful. DAWN: (crying) Please. Stop. GLORY: You nervous? DAWN: (crying) Yes. GLORY: (smiles, gets down to sit on the chair seat) I know how you feel. It is your last night. Dawn's eyes widen in horror. GLORY: As, you know ... a human. (picks up Dawn's hand by the wrist and shakes it around) This body ... it's just a rental, Dawnie. Being human? It's like a costume for girls like you and me. Being something else, *that's* what we are. DAWN: (firmly) Don't. GLORY: (smiling) What? DAWN: Don't call me Dawnie. Glory gives a surprised laugh, lets go of Dawn's hands and sits back. GLORY: Huh. Wow. You know, that actually hurt my feelings. DAWN: (whispers) I'm sorry. GLORY: (lifts a hand) Not the point. Glory gets up and walks past Dawn, who continues to look very scared. GLORY: I'm just thinking, here I am trying to make you feel better, when comforting others ... not part of my life. (frowns) And I'm doing it, so I can stop ... feeling so ... (pats her chest) um ... Angle on Dawn in the foreground with Glory in the background, her back turned. Glory snaps her fingers at Dawn. GLORY: Help me out. DAWN: (nervous) Guilty? GLORY: Guilty. (laughs) That's it! (laughs some more, then stops) But I'm not supposed to feel guilty. I'm not supposed to feel anything. I'm, I'm ... I'm a god. I'm above it. I'm ... (looks over at Dawn) You. Dawn looks frightened. Glory strides back over to her. GLORY: You did this to me, didn't you? Some sort of spell, you've been hanging with the wicca, you could've- (pauses) But no. It's not magic. It's something else. (puts her hand to her head, then looks angrily at Dawn) Still, it is you doing this. DAWN: (shakes her head) I ... I'm not doing anything. I swear. GLORY: We'll see. Glory opens the door to reveal the minions waiting outside. GLORY: (glaring at Dawn) Anoint this thing now! The priest minion comes in, followed by Murk and Gronk. Dawn still looks scared. GLORY: Know what they're all chanting for out there, Dawnie? Blood. 'Cause we found out your blood is the key to the key! (The priest begins marking Dawn's forehead again) All I gotta do is bleed you dry, the portal opens up, and I can go home! (priest continues chanting and marking Dawn's forehead) So knock yourself out, girlfriend. Make me feel bad as you can. Glory moves forward and gets in Dawn's face. GLORY: (softly) 'Cause tomorrow ... you bleed, little girl. Cut to: exterior of Xander's apartment building, night. ANYA VOICEOVER: You sure you know what you're doing? Cut to inside. Willow is taking candles out of a small leather bag and putting them on the table. WILLOW: I think so. (pause) I don't know. It's ... not exactly well-explored territory, but ... I gotta try. ANYA: A spell like this could be really dangerous for Buffy. And you. TARA: Time ... oh, time is coming. Willow goes over to Tara, who is sitting cross-legged on a chair beside another table. WILLOW: Shh. It's okay. I'm here. Tara whimpers softly. Anya comes over. WILLOW: You'll look after her while I'm... ANYA: Sure. What do I do? WILLOW: Mostly ... just ... be here for her. (Anya nods) And, and there's some pills in my knapsack. Half of one every two hours keeps her ... pretty mellow. ANYA: Y-you think you'll be gone more than two hours? WILLOW: (shrugs) Wish me luck. ANYA: Okay. Anya reaches over to give Willow a punch on the arm. ANYA: (with forced enthusiasm) Good luck! WILLOW: Thanks. (turns to Tara, turns Tara's face to look at her) Okay. Be good now, sweetie. I-I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? We're good? Tara stares at Willow while she talks, but doesn't reply. Willow kisses her on the forehead, smiles at her, then turns away. Tara whines softly and holds out her hand toward Willow. Willow gathers up the stuff from the table and walks toward a closed door. ANYA: (softly) Good luck. Willow opens the door, goes through it, closes it. Cut to the bedroom. It's dark. Willow closes the door behind her, puts a candle on the small table beside the bed, and lights the candle. She goes around the bed to the other side. We can see a poster on the world that says, "There's MONEY in arc welding!" with a picture of a person arc-welding. Willow puts two more candles on another small table and lights them. As she turns away, we see Buffy sitting in a chair against the wall, still catatonic. Willow sits on the corner of the bed, facing Buffy. sh*t of Buffy's unseeing face. sh*t of Willow looking at Buffy. Flash to Willow in a clean, brightly-lit room. She blinks in confusion, looks around. Pan across a couple of rooms full of flowers, knick-knacks, furniture, etc. It's all done in bright cheerful colors and very tasteful. Willow walks slowly forward, looking around. She comes into another room with a fireplace. On the wall we see a picture of a woman with a baby. On a side table are more pictures, and a statue of a man, woman, and child. Willow turns away. Pan across shelves with more sculptures, records, etc. Behind Willow we can see a sofa. Then a voice comes from behind her. VOICE: Hi, Willow. Willow turns to reveal a little girl, about six years old, with blonde hair in two pigtails. She is holding a doll and sitting at a child-sized round table with some toys on it. Willow smiles. WILLOW: Hello, Buffy. Close sh*t of Young Buffy gazing at Willow. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a sh*t of a door. A foot appears and kicks the door open. Cut out to reveal Spike in the doorway. It's the entrance to Glory's apartment. Spike turns on the light and looks around. The apartment appears empty. Spike walks in slowly, putting a cigarette in his mouth, lighting it, looking around. His hands are no longer bandaged. On the floor remains a circle of twigs and symbols from Gronx and Murk's rune-casting. Spike continues walking around, pauses, looking off to the left. Spike walks toward an arched doorway underneath the stairs. He goes slowly through it, finds a door, opens it cautiously. He walks slowly through the door, reaches up to turn on the light which is just a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. Underneath the bulb we can see a small sink. We see a small, dark room with just a bed (unmade) and a small table that holds a lamp and some books. Pan across to some blue clothing hanging against the wall. Zoom in on Ben's hospital ID tag (with photo) attached to one blue shirt. Spike stares at the room with a small frown. YOUNG BUFFY VOICEOVER: What are you doing here? Cut to Young Buffy looking up at Willow. WILLOW: Actually, I'm, uh... sh*t of Willow and Buffy sitting in Xander's dark bedroom. WILLOW: ...looking for you. Cut back to Young Buffy. YOUNG BUFFY: Do you like dolls? (stroking her doll's hair) WILLOW: Buffy ... what are you doing here? YOUNG BUFFY: I like it here. WILLOW: But ... (kneels by her) You know we need you. You have to come out. YOUNG BUFFY: Why? WILLOW: To be with your friends. YOUNG BUFFY: It's a big day for me. She looks over at the door. Sound of the front door opening. WOMAN: (OS) Hello! YOUNG BUFFY: (big smile) Mommy, Daddy! Young Buffy gets up and runs toward the door, handing her doll to Willow. Willow stands up to watch. YOUNG BUFFY: You're back! You're back! We see Joyce and Buffy's father (Hank) entering. Joyce carries a bundled-up baby. JOYCE: Hello, Buffy. HANK: (leans over with hands on his knees) How's my girl? Young Buffy smiles at him. JOYCE: Are you ready to meet your new baby sister? sh*t of Willow watching. Young Buffy looks upset, frowns, backs away and folds her arms across her chest. HANK: Oh, come on now, Buffy. She's nothing to be afraid of. YOUNG BUFFY: Who's afraid? JOYCE: Don't you want to be the big sister? YOUNG BUFFY: No, I want to be the baby. HANK: Buffy. YOUNG BUFFY: You're gonna pay more attention to her and forget all about me! JOYCE: Ohh... Joyce kneels down beside Young Buffy. sh*t of the baby in her arms. The baby makes baby noises. Young Buffy turns to address Willow. YOUNG BUFFY: Doesn't she look funny? Like a wrinkly old grandpa. Young Buffy turns back to Joyce. Joyce gently puts the baby in Young Buffy's arms. JOYCE: Like this ... okay, support the head ... there you go! We're calling her Dawn. WILLOW: (softly) Dawn. YOUNG BUFFY: (smiling) I ... I could be the one to look after her sometimes ... if you need a helper. (Joyce smiling at the baby) Mom? Can I take care of her? JOYCE: (smiling, stroking Young Buffy's hair) Yes, Buffy, you can take care of her. As Willow watches this scene, she hears something and turns to look. We see (adult) Buffy #1 wearing a sleeveless blouse and pale skirt, with her hair loose, carrying a book. She walks over to a bookshelf, puts the book on it with other books, pauses for a moment, turns and walks away. Willow watches in some confusion as Buffy #1 walks past her. Willow glances over toward where Young Buffy was. Cut to Willow standing by an open f*re, night. She looks around in confusion. WILLOW: Ohh...kay. Cut to: Giles sitting on a hospital bed, putting on his jacket. His left arm is stiff by his side and he can only get his jacket onto the right arm. He gets up, putting his right hand to the place on his stomach where he was speared, and walks forward. GILES: Uh, can you, uh... Xander appears and helps Giles put the jacket on as they walk out into the hallway. XANDER: There. How you doing? GILES: It only hurts while I answer pointless questions. Where's Buffy? XANDER: Willow's on it. Or ... in it. She's workin' some spell, trying to reach Buffy psychically. GILES: Uh, she's gone into Buffy's mind? XANDER: (nods) Pretty tricky stuff. GILES: It's extraordinarily advanced. Um, I was thinking we should check on Glory's victims while ... we're here. As they continue to walk, we see the view in front of them. Around a corner we can see Spike looking at a medical cart. He takes a bag of blood from the cart and puts it in his pocket as he approaches Xander and Giles. XANDER: Oh, the mental ward? I already been. The vegetable section's closed. Nobody there. It's like they all just got up and walked away. Xander and Giles reach Spike and they all stop walking. Xander looks pointedly at Spike's purloined bloodbag but says nothing. SPIKE: Checked out Glory's flat. Looks like the great one has scampered. GILES: Gone to, uh, perform her ritual with Dawn and leaving us entirely clueless. SPIKE: Not entirely. (they look at him) I know this bloke. Well, not so much a bloke so much as a demon. But still, bookish. All tuned in to the nastier corners of this our magic world. (looks around, takes out a cigarette) It's a bit of a last resort really, but still, we might persuade him to suss out Glory's game plan. Spike lights his cigarette as we see a "No Smoking" sign prominently displayed on the wall right behind him. SPIKE: Sound worthy? Giles sighs and shrugs. SPIKE: (nods) Off we go then. Meet back at the shop. Spike turns to go. Xander pats Giles on the arm and then falls into step with Spike. SPIKE: Found Ben's room at Glory's. Didn't learn much. XANDER: Wait, wait, wait. Ben? At Glory's? (Spike rolls his eyes) You're saying all this time he's been subletting from her? SPIKE: This ... is gonna be worth it. Spike bitch-slaps Xander upside the head. sh*t of the two of them from the rear as they both grab their heads in pain. SPIKE/XANDER: Ow! Cut to the front again. They both stumble, use each other to regain their balance, and continue walking. SPIKE: Last time. From the top. They walk off together. Cut to: Glory leaning her arm against the wall of the warehouse, pinching her nose with her fingers. She sighs. GLORY: I'm hating this, Murk. GRONX: And this would be what exactly, your holiness? GLORY: Memories. I'm starting to remember the things Ben did. People he spoke with, stuff he wore... (the minions look alarmed) Hmm! (calling to Dawn) Kid! The minions part to reveal Dawn still sitting in the chair with the priest minion next to her. Glory walks toward her. GLORY: I came ... he came to see you, didn't he? DAWN: Ben? GLORY: Yeah, Ben. You called him to the desert when you were hiding from me. And he came. And then he was me, you remember? DAWN: (nervously) Yes. GLORY: (whirls to face the minions) See? She's not supposed to remember that! Nobody should! (rubs her chest anxiously) The cloak between Ben and me is fading! I almost helped her! He ... (turns back toward Dawn) I wanted to. (groans) I can't do this! She walks past Dawn and grabs the priest minion by the front of his robe. GLORY: Get him out of me. PRIEST: What? GLORY: (crying) Ben! The human meat-sack who's infecting me. (turns to lean against the wall) Do your mojo, make an incision, or removal, or whatever you've gotta do. (sniffles) Help me! (pacing) I'm ... I'm thinking Ben's thoughts, and ... and I'm feeling his feelings! And ... uh! I... She morphs into Ben. BEN: ...can't k*ll the girl. Morphs back into Glory. GLORY: Damn it. She collapses to the floor. Supporting herself on her arms, she looks up at the priest. GLORY: Help me! PRIEST: Th-this I cannot do. You risk terrible magicks in opening the portal. Nothing comes without a price. This ... is yours. GLORY: (gets up with a scowl) Gods don't pay. She goes to Dawn, grabs Dawn by the throat and pulls her to her feet. Dawn gasps. GLORY: We do this *now*! Cut to Willow still standing by the fireside. She looks to her right. sh*t of Buffy sitting on a rock (from episode "Intervention"). Willow looks to her left. sh*t of the First Slayer on the other side of the f*re opposite Buffy. WILLOW: Hey ... I know you. You're, you're the first original Slayer who tried k*lling us all in our dreams. The First Slayer gazes at Buffy. WILLOW: (shrugs) How've you been? FIRST SLAYER: Death is your gift. Willow looks over at Buffy. BUFFY: Death is my gift? WILLOW: Wait, death is her what? FIRST SLAYER: Death is your gift. Willow turns her head to look at Buffy again. As she does so, flash-cut back to the previous scene. Buffy #1 again walks past Willow, over to the bookcase, puts the book on the bookcase, pauses. Willow watches in confusion. Closer sh*t of Buffy #1 standing by the bookcase, staring at it but not really seeing it, lost in thought. Willow watches this with a small frown. Then she turns to her right and we see the back of (adult) Buffy #2. This Buffy wears jeans and a black t*nk top, has her hair pulled back into a ponytail, and is walking away from Willow down a hallway. At the end of the hall we see a door that is slightly ajar with sunlight coming from behind it. Willow begins to follow Buffy #2. WILLOW: Where are you going? Cut to the warehouse. Dawn is still gasping and choking as Glory holds her by the throat. The three minions gather around. MURK: Glorificus, wait! k*ll the key now and all will be lost! GRONX: We'll be stuck on this mortal plane forever! GLORY: All right, you're right. (releases Dawn) It's cool. (Dawn staggers back, clutching her throat) I'm just a little emotional right now... (small laugh) which, if you're into irony, funny. sh*t of Dawn grabbing a pillar for support, gasping. GLORY: (OS) Leave. We need a little girl time. The minions begin bowing and Glory makes an impatient gesture. GLORY: Goodbye! They hurry out. Dawn glares angrily at Glory. Glory puts her hands to her face, then rubs the sides of her neck. GLORY: How do they do it? DAWN: (hoarsely) Do what? GLORY: People! (walking toward Dawn) How do they function here like this in the world with all this bile running through them? Every day it's whoo-oo (wiggles her hand at Dawn) You have no control. They're not even animals, they're just these meatbaggy slaves to, to hormones and pheromones and their, and their feelings. Hate 'em! Dawn stops rubbing her neck, stares at Glory. Glory goes behind a drafting table and leans her arms against it. GLORY: I mean really. Is this what the poets go on about, this? (thumps her chest, shakes her head, sighs) Call me crazy, but as hard-core drugs go, human emotion is just useless! People are puppets! Everyone getting jerked around by what they're feelin'. Am I wrong? (looks at Dawn) Really, I want to know. sh*t of Dawn leaning against the pillar, looking at the floor. GLORY: Gonna bleed you either way. DAWN: (opens her eyes, looks at Glory) Depends on the person. GLORY: So you're saying some people like this. DAWN: (defensively) Some. GLORY: Funny. 'Cause I look around at this world you're so eager to be a part of ... and all I see is six billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out. (smiles) Who's not crazy? Look around. Everyone's drinking, smoking, sh**ting up ... sh**ting each other, or just plain screwing their brains out 'cause they don't want 'em anymore. (looks at Dawn) *I'm* crazy? Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind. (sighs) 'Cause at least I admit the world makes me nuts. Glory comes out from behind the drafter's table, walks toward Dawn. GLORY: Name one person who can take it here. That's all I'm asking. (in Dawn's face) Name one. DAWN: (firmly) Buffy. Cut to Buffy sitting unresponsive in the chair in Xander's bedroom. Cut to Willow sitting on Xander's bed staring at Buffy. WILLOW VOICEOVER: I can't keep following you around like this, Buffy. We have to go. Cut to the dream-hallway. Willow is still following Buffy #2 down the hallway. Adult Buffy pushes through the door and continues walking. WILLOW: You have to talk to... Willow enters the room, sees something on the floor. WILLOW: ...me. Willow walks slowly into the room as we see what she's looking at. It is Joyce's graveyard plot complete with a mound of fresh dirt, sprinkled with fallen leaves, and a fringe of grass. The headstone reads "Joyce Summers 1958-2001." Buffy #2 stands staring at the grave with her arms folded. Willow walks up next to her, also looking at the grave. Overhead sh*t of the two of them and the grave. The room appears to be Joyce's bedroom; the grave is where the bed should be, and the entire room is carpeted in grass. The other furniture (bedside table, chair, etc.) is as it should be. WILLOW: I'm sorry. BUFFY #2: (shakes her head, doesn't look at Willow) Don't be. Death is my gift. WILLOW: Yeah, I keep hearing that, but... (Buffy #2 begins to walk off; Willow follows) I'm not exactly sure what it means. BUFFY #2: (over her shoulder) It's really not that complicated. They go through a door into Dawn's bedroom. Dawn is lying on the bed. WILLOW: Not for you maybe. Buffy sits on the bed beside Dawn, looks at her, then up at Willow. BUFFY #2: It's what I do. sh*t of Dawn lying on the bed. She breathes slowly and seems to be crying. BUFFY #2: I mean, come on, you've known me ... for how long? It's what I'm here for. It's all I am. Buffy turns to look at Dawn again. Then she picks up a pillow from beside Dawn and puts it over Dawn's face. Dawn begins to struggle, with muffled noises of protest. WILLOW: Buffy, stop! No! Buffy looks very calm as she holds the pillow in place. Dawn's arms and legs wave in the air ineffectively. WILLOW: God, no! BUFFY #2: (turns to Willow, still holding the pillow down) What? (Dawn's struggling slows) I keep telling you, Will. I-I figured it out. Death is my gift. Dawn stops struggling. Her arms and legs fall limply onto the bed. Willow stares in horror. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the warehouse. Glory (still wearing the black dress and ceremonial gown) walks forward shaking her head. GLORY: Oh, Ben. This is really not a good time. She morphs into Ben, who continues walking forward. BEN: Dawn. Has Glory hurt you? DAWN: Uh ... no. Not yet. Ben turns away, looking shaky. He sits carefully on the chair. DAWN: But I have to get out of here. (nervously) Ben? You okay? She walks toward him. Ben is staring at his hands, which are trembling. In the background we can still see the occasional person walking by outside. BEN: Where is it? DAWN: W-where's what? BEN: (staring at his hands) All the blood. I can feel it ... still warm and ... wet. Glory. Oh, god. (Dawn looks anxious) She slaughtered hundreds of men. But I can feel them ... breaking. DAWN: Ben, something is happening to both you and Glory. BEN: I'm remembering her, aren't I? The things she's done ... things she's going to do. DAWN: I know. She told me. I think ... whatever the magic is that keeps you guys apart, it's starting to break down. (he continues looking upset) Ben, Glory could come back any minute. BEN: (not seeming to hear her) How could she do this? DAWN: I don't know. But we have to get out of her and, and find Buffy- BEN: No! (turns to her) I mean, I have a job. I have a life! And Glory? She never once thinks about me in all this! Dawn stares at him. Sound of a knock on the door. They both look anxiously at it. DAWN: Help me. BEN: How? DAWN: I- PRIEST: (OS) Highness! Ben gets up. DAWN: Please. PRIEST: (OS) Is everything all right? Ben strides over to the door, opens it. PRIEST: You're not- Ben grabs the priest and pulls him inside, head-butts him. The priest staggers back against the wall and falls down. Ben punches him and he falls unconscious. BEN: (to Dawn) I'll take you as far as I can, ditch you before she comes back. He and Dawn run out the door. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Okay ... now this is weird. Cut back to the old Summers home. Willow stands looking down at Young Buffy, who is again sitting at her table holding her doll. YOUNG BUFFY: Hi, Willow. What are you doing here? WILLOW: Actually, I'm, uh ... looking for you. Here. Again. YOUNG BUFFY: (strokes her doll's hair) Do you like dolls? WILLOW: No ... (kneels) and I think we already deja'd this vu. YOUNG BUFFY: (giggles) You talk funny. WILLOW: Yes ... as you'll tell me again when we're older and in chem class. (frowns) Buffy ... what are we doing here? YOUNG BUFFY: Don't you like it here? WILLOW: We don't have time. Sound of the door opening. Young Buffy smiles, gets up, gives her doll to Willow. YOUNG BUFFY: Mommy, Daddy! HANK: (OS) We're home! Willow stands to watch. YOUNG BUFFY: (OS) You're back, you're back! Joyce and Hank enter with baby Dawn again. JOYCE: (smiling) Hi, Buffy. sh*t of Willow watching. Cut to Joyce kneeling while Young Buffy holds the baby. JOYCE: We're calling her Dawn. Willow turns her head and again sees Adult Buffy #1 putting the book on the bookshelf. sh*t of Willow still holding Young Buffy's doll. Sound of the baby making baby noises. Willow turns back toward the front door. Angle on Young Buffy holding the baby, with Joyce kneeling and Hank standing with his hands on his knees. YOUNG BUFFY: I could be the one to look after her sometimes. Willow watches with a small smile. Cut to: a f*re burning in a fireplace. Pan across a desk covered with books, papers, and an old manual typewriter. Doc (see episode "Forever") sits at the desk holding a mug, flipping pages of a book. Sound of knocking on the door. He doesn't get up. DOC: It's always open! The door opens, Spike and Xander enter. DOC: (OS) What can I do for you boys? Want some cocoa? They walk over to him. He continues looking at the book. SPIKE: No. We need information. We need- XANDER: (suddenly) Ben's Glory! DOC: (looks up) Who's what? SPIKE: (surprised) Look at this. Special Ed remembers. XANDER: Yeah. I do. Ben's Glory and Glory's Ben. It's like this... (gestures around his head) fog's lifting. SPIKE: (nodding) Wonderful. But not why we're here. (turns back to Doc) Hell-god type. (Doc returns to his book) Name of Glory- XANDER: A.K.A. Ben. SPIKE: -has gone missing. She's brewing up some major-league bad, and she's nicked the Slayer's kid sister in the bargain. DOC: (looking at him, nodding) Hmm. That girl you brought here. Sweet little thing. How'd things work out with her mom? Changed her mind, didn't she? SPIKE: Yeah. You got any idea where Glory would take her? DOC: (closes his book, thoughtfully) Glory ... Glory. Oh! (gets up, carrying the book) You don't mean Glorificus. (walks closer to them) Gosh. What do you wanna get mixed up with her for? That's a sure way to get yourselves k*lled. I hear she's awfully unpleasant. (turns away, goes toward a side table) When it comes to hellgods, my best advice ... is get out of the way ... and stay there. (puts the book down) SPIKE: Love to. Can't. DOC: Well, uh, other than that ... (turns to a chest of drawers, closes a drawer) I'd like to help ... but I-I'm a small-town guy. sh*t of Xander listening. DOC: This Glorificus, if it is her ... whoo, she's big city. SPIKE: She's got Dawn. DOC: Right. (thinks) Well, I may know a fella ... you know, who knows a fella in... (thinks) in China. He might- SPIKE: How the hell are we supposed to get to China? Teleport? DOC: I guess. sh*t of Spike looking suspicious. He looks downward. Close angle on Doc from about mid-chest to mid-thigh. His hands are clasped in front of him. Behind him on the table we see something that looks like a wooden box. DOC: You know, if you're in that much of a hurry. Cut to Doc's face. DOC: Wish you luck. SPIKE: You're lying. Xander looks at Spike in surprise. Doc removes his glasses. SPIKE: And what's more ... I believe you're standing right in front of the very thing we need. Another sh*t of the box half-hidden behind Doc's body. Doc smiles and suddenly leaps to his left. Suddenly he's behind Spike, who turns in surprise as Doc grabs a sword that's leaning against the wall. He puts the sword tip to Spike's throat. DOC: (whispers) Idiot. Doc lunges forward but Spike smacks the sword blade aside and falls to the floor, knocking over a pile of books onto himself. Doc opens his mouth and a super-long tongue comes out, smacks Xander in the chest and slams him back against a wall, then retreats. The tongue coils back into Doc's mouth. Xander falls to the floor with a grunt. Doc walks over to where Spike is lying on the floor stunned. DOC: You think only underworld bottom-feeders worship the beast? Doc kicks Spike in the face, then turns, grabs the box off the table and throws it into the f*re. He turns away from the fireplace, walks back toward Spike. DOC: Her day is coming, boys! (grabs Spike by the front of his shirt) And when she returns, then you're gonna see something. Xander jumps up and knees Doc in the chest, knocking him away from Spike. Xander falls on top of Doc. As they grapple, Spike hurries over to the f*re and pulls the box out. SPIKE: Ow! Xander and Doc continue grappling. Xander reaches out and grabs the sword, gets up on his knees and plunges the sword downward. Blue blood spurts up at him. sh*t of Spike kneeling by the fireplace, panting and looking over at Xander. Xander gets up, wipes blue blood from his face, looks at Spike. Spike gets up holding the box in both arms, walks over to Xander. The box is smoking slightly but appears undamaged. XANDER: What do we got? SPIKE: (looking down at Doc) Something worth dying for. Xander opens the door and they leave. Pan over to Doc lying there with the sword sticking out of his chest, blue blood staining his shirt. Suddenly Doc's eyes pop open. Cut to Buffy and Willow facing each other in the dark bedroom. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Buffy, will you just stop a second and listen to me? Cut to the dream-hallway. Buffy #2 is walking down the hallway with Willow following. WILLOW: Buffy! Willow hurries around in front of Buffy, stops her with a hand on her arm. WILLOW: You have to stop doing this. BUFFY #2: Doing what? WILLOW: k*lling Dawn. BUFFY #2: Why? WILLOW: Because this never happened. You never k*lled your sister. BUFFY #2: Will, I did this. WILLOW: In your imagination! None of this is real! Y-you're stuck in some kind of loop! BUFFY #2: I don't know what you're talking about. 'Scuse me. She resumes walking. Willow follows. WILLOW: Buffy, why are you doing this? Buffy pushes through the door. Cut to Dawn and Ben walking down the main street of Sunnydale. Ben still wears the ceremonial robe and has Dawn by the wrist. Dawn looks nervously over her shoulder. DAWN: I think they see us. BEN: Just stay close to me. Don't look back. Suddenly he pushes Dawn into an alley. They press up against a brick wall. BEN: Shh! Stay very still. Ben goes to peer around the corner. When he turns back, Dawn hits him over the head with a large pile of chain. He goes down. Dawn drops the chain next to him. DAWN: I'm sorry. Dawn steps over him and starts off. GLORY: (OS) Sorry?! Dawn looks horrified, turns back. Glory stands up holding the chain. GLORY: That actually hurt, you prepubescent puke. Dawn looks very scared. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the alley. GLORY: Okay, first thought, just totally spontaneous, unfiltered, off the top of my head ... ow! She shakes the chain in Dawn's face, then tosses it aside. GLORY: You h*t Ben in his soft human head, and I remember the pain. Glory pins one of Dawn's arms behind her and forces her farther into the alley. Dawn grunts in pain. Glory lets go. GLORY: You probably think I won't waste any precious blood of yours till tonight. You're right. But I know a thousand ways to hurt you that won't spill a drop. Glory shoves Dawn in the chest. Dawn stumbles backward with a yelp. She backs up toward some stairs leading up to a door. Dawn ends up sitting on a stair clutching the metal hand-rail. Glory advances on her. GLORY: You know all those pesky feelings Ben's been having like guilt, empathy? I'm gonna take 'em and mash 'em back down where they belong, okay? Now ... (strokes the side of Dawn's face) let's have big-girl fun. (grabs Dawn's chin) Just you and... Suddenly Glory lets go of Dawn and speaks in a different tone. GLORY: Leave her alone. She rolls her eyes and turns away, morphs into Ben. BEN: I said, leave her alone. Morph. (Note: from this point on the morphing happens so fast I won't note it each time. Just assume that they change each time there's a change in speaker.) GLORY: No, no. Little late in the game to start growing a backbone, Benjamin. (Dawn watches fearfully) Now be good and stay quiet. No you don't! Get over yourself, Ben! This is the way things are! I'm strong, you're weak. (laughs) This is reality. Stop trying to infect me with your... (whirls around) BEN: Do you ever stop talking? I don't know which is worse, waking up in a dress not knowing where I've been, or having to hear all your self-involved ranting! GLORY: Animal. BEN: Wrong, Glory. I'm no animal. This is humanity you're feeling. Welcome to the world. In the background, Dawn slowly gets up and starts edging away. Ben turns to her. GLORY: No, no, no! Glory grabs Dawn and throws her across the alley. Dawn slams into a dumpster and falls to the ground. GLORY: Stick around, chica. BEN: I won't let you hurt her, Glory. GLORY: Ooh, shut your hole, you sanctimonious little meatworm. (advances on the frightened Dawn) I'm going home no matter what you do. Glory looks to the side, reaches down to grab something, morphs into Ben as she picks it up. It's an empty beer bottle. Ben slams it against the side of the dumpster, breaking it. He holds the broken edge up to Dawn's face. Dawn cringes away in terror. BEN: You really think I'll just let that happen? GLORY: Benjamin, what are you doing? BEN: You need her blood? When I'm through there won't be enough left to fill a bottle cap. Then you, hellbitch, have nowhere left- GLORY: -to go. Huh! Glory pulls Dawn away from the dumpster, throws her across the alley, then throws the bottle against the wall. We hear it shatter. Dawn crouches on the ground staring at Glory in fear. GLORY: You can't hurt her and you know it, Ben. (sits down on a pile of bricks) I know it 'cause I feel what you're feeling. Scared. Shh! Shh! It's okay! You don't wanna die. Who would? I don't. BEN: You can't, you're immortal. GLORY: Nobody has to die here, Ben. Just let me bleed the girl and go home. Everything will work out fine. BEN: Do you really believe with all I know that you can trick me? GLORY: Stop ... and think, baby. We bleed the kid, return me to my seat of power, I become a god again... BEN: And I disappear. GLORY: Ooh, unless somebody up there likes you. Give up the girl ... I could like you a lot. Dawn watches this wide-eyed. BEN: I won't make a deal with you, Glory. GLORY: (angry) When exactly did you get stupid? I'm offering immortality here. BEN: I believe you. That's not the problem. You make me immortal, then what? (walks over to Dawn, grabs her arm and pulls her to her feet) I'd have to k*ll her to do it and I won't be able to live with that, not even for a day, forget about eternity! He whirls Dawn around in a circle and morphs in mid-whirl. GLORY: Baby, baby, baby Ben. (lets go of Dawn who falls to the ground again) Why do you worry so much? When you're immortal, all this crap you've been carrying around inside ... (leans against the wall) the guilt, the anger, the crazy-making pain ... (smiles) Ooh, it all just melts away like ice cream. Trust me. When all this is over I can set you up real nice. I'm making it easy. It's you ... or the girl. She slides down the wall and morphs halfway down. BEN: (panting) I can't accept that. GLORY: Accept it. (chuckles) I'm a god, stupid. She morphs into Ben again. He stares at Dawn, who stares back fearfully. Ben gets up, goes over to Dawn, holds out his hand. BEN: I'm sorry. Dawn sighs in relief, lifts her hand to take his. Ben grabs her wrist instead. DAWN: No! Ben pulls her to her feet and leads her out of the alley. BEN: Don't make this harder than it already is. Overhead sh*t of them from the back. They come out onto the street. BEN: I'm sorry, I got no choice. It's you or me. Three minions appear and walk up to them. Cut to: Joyce's bedroom/grave. Lingering sh*t of the headstone. Cut to Willow and Buffy #2 staring at it. Buffy turns to go. WILLOW: No. Buffy! Leave Dawn alone, what is this? BUFFY #2: (opening the door) My gift. This is what I do. WILLOW: I'm not talking about this, I'm talking about... Willow follows Buffy through the door, but instead of Dawn's bedroom, they come out into the magic shop. Buffy #1 walks over to the bookshelves again. In the foreground we can see the back of Buffy #2's head. Buffy #1 puts the book on the shelf. WILLOW: ...this. Willow and Buffy #2 watch as Buffy #1 puts the book on the shelf. sh*t of Buffy #1 looking pensive. sh*t of her hand putting the book on the shelf. WILLOW: Right here, it happened. I know it's something small, but... (sh*t of Buffy #1 putting the book on the shelf again) it's something. What? BUFFY #2: (staring at Buffy #1) Don't go there, Will. WILLOW: I'm not! You're the one who keeps dragging me back here! A-and you wouldn't be doing that if you weren't trying to show me something. BUFFY #2: (looks at her) Do I? WILLOW: Buffy, come on. I-it's your brain. Just tell me. They both look back over at the bookshelf. sh*t of Buffy #1 putting the book on the shelf yet again. WILLOW: What happened here? sh*t of Buffy #2 watching. BUFFY #1: (not turning) This was when I quit, Will. sh*t of Willow standing beside Buffy #2, both staring at Buffy #1. WILLOW: You did? BUFFY #2: Just for a second. sh*t of Willow and Buffy sitting in the darkened bedroom. BUFFY VOICEOVER: I remember. Cut back to the magic shop. BUFFY #1: (facing Willow) I was in the magic shop. BUFFY #2: I put a book back for Giles. BUFFY #1: Nothing special about it. And then it h*t me. WILLOW: What h*t you? BUFFY #2: I can't b*at Glory. BUFFY #1: Glory's going to win. WILLOW: (turns to Buffy #2) You can't know that. BUFFY #2: (turns to Willow) I didn't just know it. BUFFY #1: (staring at nothing) I felt it. Glory will b*at me. BUFFY #2: (looks away) And in that second of knowing it, Will... BUFFY #1: I wanted it to happen. WILLOW: Why? BUFFY #1: I wanted it over. This is ... all of this ... it's too much for me. BUFFY #2: (staring at nothing) I just wanted it over. BUFFY #1: If Glory wins ... then Dawn dies. BUFFY #2: And I would grieve. People would feel sorry for me. (looks at Willow) But it would be over. (looks away) And I imagined what a relief it would be. Willow looks over at the bookcase. Buffy #1 yet again puts the book on the shelf. BUFFY #2: I k*lled Dawn. Willow frowns, looks at Buffy #2. WILLOW: Is that what you think? sh*t of the "real" Buffy sitting blankly in the bedroom. BUFFY VOICEOVER: My thinking it made it happen. Cut back to the magic shop. BUFFY #1: Some part of me wanted it. And in the moment Glory took Dawn... BUFFY #2: I know I could have done something better. But I didn't. I was off by some fraction of a second. BUFFY #1: And this is why... BUFFY #2: ...I k*lled my sister. Willow frowns, looks from one Buffy to the other. Buffy #1 puts the book on the shelf again. WILLOW: I think Spike was right back at the gas station. (loudly) Snap out of it! Buffy #2 looks at Willow in surprise. Buffy #1 whirls away from the bookcase. BUFFY #1: What? BUFFY #2: What? WILLOW: All this ... it has a name. It's called guilt. (the two Buffys exchange a look) It's a feeling, and it's important. (to Buffy #2) But it's not more than that, Buffy. (glances at Buffy #1) Buffys. The Buffys both look pensive. WILLOW: You've carried the weight of the world on your shoulders since high school. And I, I know you didn't ask for this, but ... you do it every day. And so, you wanted out for one second. So what? BUFFY #2: (pensive) I got Dawn k*lled. WILLOW: Hello! Your sister, not d*ad yet! But she will be if you stay locked inside here and never come back to us. BUFFY #2: (looking at Buffy #1) But what if I can't? WILLOW: Then I guess you're right. And you did k*ll your sister. Willow turns and starts walking toward the magic shop entrance. Buffy #2 turns to her in alarm. BUFFY #2: Wait! sh*t of Willow and Buffy sitting in the bedroom. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Where are you going? Cut back to magic shop. Willow turns back. WILLOW: Where you're needed. Are you coming? sh*t of Buffy #2 staring at Willow. Behind Buffy #2, Buffy #1 walks up to the bookcase and puts the book on the shelf. Pauses. Closer sh*t of Buffy #1 as she turns toward the others. Cut to the real Buffy in the chair in the bedroom. Suddenly with a start she comes to, sits up straighter, looks around, breathing heavily. Longer sh*t of her and Willow sitting there. Willow stares at Buffy. Buffy turns to face Willow again. Suddenly she bursts into tears. Willow gets up off the bed and kneels beside Buffy's chair, puts her arms around Buffy and holds her as she cries. Cut to the real magic shop. Giles stands in the back making tea. Sound of the door opening. Giles looks through the bookcase toward the door. GILES: Buffy? (aside) She's back. We see Spike and Xander sitting at the table beside Giles. XANDER: You're okay? BUFFY: Yeah. I'm okay. Buffy enters, comes toward the table. Behind her we see Willow leading Tara in, and Anya closing the door behind them. BUFFY: Hear you found the ritual text. GILES: Uh, something like that, yes. XANDER: Did you know that ... Ben is Glory? BUFFY: So I'm told. What do we know? GILES: Um ... well, uh ... (Willow, Anya, and Tara sit around the table) ...according to these scrolls, uh, it's possible for Glory to be stopped. Giles pauses. Buffy gives him a raised-eyebrow look to say, "go on." GILES: I-I'm afraid it's, um ... well, Buffy, I've read these things very carefully and there's not much ... margin for error. You understand what I'm saying? BUFFY: Might help if you actually said it. Giles gives a small smile, nods, puts his mug on the table and sits, removes his glasses. GILES: Um ... Glory ... plans to open a ... dimensional portal ... by way of a ritual bloodletting. BUFFY: Dawn's blood. GILES: Yes. (pause) Once the blood is shed at a certain time and place ... the fabric which separates all realities will ... be ripped apart. sh*t of Willow listening while holding Tara's hand; Tara staring vaguely at the ceiling, and Spike staring at the table. GILES: Dimensions will ... pour into one another, uh, with no barriers to stop them. (sh*t of Xander and Anya listening) Reality as we know it will be destroyed, and ... chaos will reign on earth. BUFFY: So how do we stop it? GILES: The portal will only close once the blood is stopped ... and the only way for that to happen is, um ... Zoom in on Giles's face as he first avoids Buffy's eyes, finally looks up at her. GILES: Buffy, the only way is to k*ll Dawn. Buffy reacts with dismay. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "05x21 - The Weight of the World"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy sitting on the steps of Hemery High in "Becoming." WATCHER: You are the chosen one. Brief montage of several of the monsters Buffy has fought. WATCHER: You alone can stop them. BUFFY: Who? WATCHER: The vampires. Buffy timidly staking a vampire, looking shocked when it dusts. WATCHER: You see your power. BUFFY: Why can't you people just leave me alone? GILES: Into each generation a Slayer is born. WILLOW: You're the Slayer, and we're like the Slayerettes. XANDER: The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols, and, uh, done demon research with her and everything. BUFFY: We're talking about two very powerful witches (sh*t of Willow and Tara doing a spell) and a thousand-year-old ex-demon (sh*t of Anya) XANDER: Anya, you wanna marry me? Willow and Tara slow-dancing at the Bronze. Buffy and Angel sitting on Angel's bed in "Becoming" BUFFY: Angel. ANGEL: I love you. Buffy and Angel kissing. BUFFY: So don't go. Angel walking away at the end of "Graduation Day" Spike driving his car over the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. SPIKE: Home sweet home. DOCTOR: That chip was deeply imbedded in your cerebral cortex. Spike trying to bite Willow, yelling in pain. SPIKE: I can't bite anything. I can't even h*t people. GILES: What are you saying? SPIKE: Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies any more. Spike talking to Buffy in "The Gift" SPIKE: I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man. Spike reading a book to Dawn. SPIKE: They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life, so they sent the key to her in the form of a sister. GREGOR: You were created to open the gates that separate dimensions. Various sh*ts of Dawn. GREGOR: The little girl. The key. Dawn crying out as Doc cuts her in "The Gift" GREGOR: Destroy it, and the will of the beast will be broken. Spike attacking Doc. Doc s*ab Spike, throwing him off the tower. DAWN: No! Spike hitting the ground. DAWN: I have to jump. BUFFY: It'll k*ll you. DAWN: Look at what's happening! Lightning destroying downtown Sunnydale. Buffy doing her determined expression. DAWN: Buffy, no. BUFFY: Dawnie, I have to. Buffy swan-diving into the vortex. The Scoobies gathering around Buffy's d*ad body. BUFFY VOICEOVER: You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Be brave. Live. Long sh*t of Buffy's gravestone. BUFFY VOICEOVER: For me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episode opens on feet running through the graveyard, night. We see a very large (both tall and chubby) vampire running steadily between the headstones. Then we see Spike running after him. Then we see Tara running after them, and Giles behind her, carrying an axe. They come up to a fence and the vampire is gone. Spike yells in frustration. SPIKE: I'm never gonna get anything k*lled with you lot holding me back. TARA: (panting) I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily. SPIKE: No, that's over-the-hill shopkeepers. GILES: (leaning against a gravestone, panting) I'm fine. I just need to ... to die for a minute. SPIKE: (to Tara) It was that powder you blew at him made him rabbit off. TARA: It's sorbis root, it was supposed to confuse him, but ... it just kinda made him peppy. Spike rolls his eyes. TARA: It's not supposed to mix with anything, you think he might be taking prescription medication? SPIKE: (sarcastic) Yeah, that must be it. GILES: Good god, I hope he doesn't try to operate heavy machinery. Giles and Spike laugh. SPIKE: Yeah, we could all be in real- WILLOW: (telepathically) Guys, heads up. They all look up. Cut to a large crypt. Zoom up and we see Willow standing on top of it. Zoom in on her. WILLOW: (telepathically) The vampire's circling back towards you, six o'clock. Cut back to the other three looking around for the vamp. WILLOW: (telepathically) Try to drive him back towards the Van Elton crypt. SPIKE: (telepathically) Van Elton. TARA: (aloud) Is that the one with the cute little gargoyles? The vampire runs back across their field of vision, sees them, turns and starts back the way he came. WILLOW: (telepathically) Left, make him go left! Giles throws his axe. It thuds into a tree right by the vampire's face. The vamp turns and heads left. Tara and Spike look at Giles, then they all run after the vampire. The vampire winds up at a d*ad-end, turns to go back. Suddenly a fist comes out and punches him in the face. He falls down. A pair of feet walk over and stand by the prone vampire's feet. He stares up at the person. Pan up to reveal Buffy. BUFFY: Big, fast, and dumb. Just the way I like 'em. The vampire sits up and she kicks him in the face, thrusts out with her stake, but he grabs her arm, hits her with his other arm, and gets up. Tara and Giles appear, grab the vamp's arms and hold him while Spike punches him in the face twice. Then Spike moves for another punch but the vampire head-butts Spike and he staggers back. Cut to Xander and Anya running through another part of the graveyard. XANDER: Sounds like the other units are engaged. WILLOW: (telepathically) Xander, Anya, stop! Xander and Anya stop running, look startled. XANDER: Great googly-moogly, Willow, would you quit doing that? WILLOW: (telepathically) I told you I was going to get the lay of the land. XANDER: But not the lay of my brain. ANYA: It's kind of intrusive. You could knock first or something. WILLOW: (telepathically) Xander- XANDER: I know, I know, I don't have to talk when I answer you. But I saw "The Fury," and that way lies spooky carnival death. We see a vampire hiding behind a tombstone a few feet away from Xander and Anya. WILLOW: (telepathically) Xander! Vampire! Other side of that tomb. You can get the jump on him if you go the other way. XANDER: Why didn't you just say so? Xander and Anya head around the side of the tomb. Cut back to the other battle. The big vampire throws both Tara and Giles off him. Buffy runs at him, tries to punch but he blocks, picks her up over his shoulders, swings her around so that her feet kick Spike in the face. Then he throws her toward Tara. WILLOW: (telepathically) Tara, down! Tara ducks and Buffy goes flying over her, lands against a wall. Giles grabs the axe, gets up and swings at the vampire, who grabs it and spins Giles around, pins him against the iron fence with the axe handle on his throat. GILES: (choking) Spike! Spike jumps on the vamp's back but he's so big he barely notices. He shrugs Spike off a couple of times. Spike steps back, sighs. GILES: Spike! WILLOW: (telepathically) What are you doing? Help him! SPIKE: (lighting a cigarette) I did. We see that the back of the vampire's shirt is on f*re. The f*re spreads up to the rest of his shirt. He lets go of Giles and staggers back, bursts completely into flame and dusts. Giles puts his arm over his face as the dust showers over him. Spike takes a drag on his cigarette, saunters over to Giles and holds out his hand. Giles takes it and Spike helps him up. GILES: You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me. SPIKE: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea? WILLOW: (telepathically) Guys, help Xander and Anya over by the Anderson tomb. They head off. Cut to Xander being held in a headlock by the other vampire. ANYA: Xander! Anya lunges with a stake but the vamp merely steps aside. She swings again, misses. The vamp hits her and she falls down. The vampire continues growling and struggling with Xander. BUFFY: I got it! Buffy kicks the vampire, and he goes down, letting go of Xander who lands on the grass beside Anya. The vamp gets up, blocks a kick, punches Buffy, they exchange a few more punches and kicks. He gets her on the ground, picks her up over his head, and Spike comes in and punches him in the stomach. The vampire drops Buffy, and Spike kicks him. He shoves Spike away, and Spike lands beside Xander and Anya. Buffy kicks the vamp onto the ground, then stakes him as he starts to sit up. BUFFY: (triumphantly) That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo! sh*t of the entire g*ng (Spike, Tara, Xander, Anya, Willow, Giles) staring at her as they help each other up. She smiles and walks over to them. SPIKE: (to Willow) What's with the Dadaism, Red? TARA: Yeah, she says that pie thing every time she stakes a vamp now. WILLOW: I-I don't know, I was trying to program in some new puns and I kinda ended up with word salad. BUFFYBOT: (brightly) I think it's funny. They all roll their eyes and start walking. WILLOW: It's a glitch, I'll fix it. GILES: We just can't have her messing up in front of the wrong person. Or the wrong thing. We, we need the, the world and the underworld to believe that Buffy is alive and well. WILLOW: And I will therefore fix it. I got her head back on, didn't I? And I got her off those knock-knock jokes. BUFFYBOT: Ooh, who's there? XANDER: You know, if we want her to be exactly- SPIKE: She'll never be exactly. XANDER: I know. TARA: The only really real Buffy is really Buffy. GILES: And she's gone. They all walk on, leaving the Buffy Bot behind as she has stopped walking. BUFFYBOT: 'If we want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone' who? She continues walking after them. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Anthony Stewart Head is no longer shown in the opening credits. Special Guest Star Anthony Stewart Head. Guest starring Franc Ross and Amber Benson as Tara. "Bargaining Part 1" written by Marti Noxon, "Bargaining Part 2" written by David Fury, both parts directed by David Grossman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of the Summers house, day. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Where's my clog? Cut to inside. Willow is in Joyce's room, crouched on the floor looking under the bed. WILLOW: I think there's a clog-eating monster under the bed. (gets up) It's really those lesser-known monsters that make living in Sunnydale so hard. We see Tara looking in the closet. She turns to watch Willow. Willow goes around to look under the other side of the bed. TARA: I believe that that is a Dawn monster. She borrowed them yesterday. WILLOW: Dawnie? (knocks on Dawn's door, which is ajar) Hey, you up? Dawn's bed is piled with clothes but she's not there. Willow turns away with a sigh. TARA: You okay? (They walk out into the hall) WILLOW: (nods) Besides terror about today and a general feeling of impending doom, swell. TARA: Breakfast will make all things better. They stop walking and Tara puts hands on Willow's shoulders. WILLOW: (smiles, takes Tara's hands) Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies. They kiss, then Tara goes back down the hall and Willow knock on the bathroom door, which is also ajar. WILLOW: Dawnie? The door swings open more and we see Dawn brushing her teeth. WILLOW: Hey, you! Today's the big day, huh? Kinda day that makes you wanna return clogs, don't you think? DAWN: (very garbled through her toothbrush) I didn't take your clogs. Willow sighs, rolls her eyes, turns away. Cut to the kitchen. BuffyBot is making peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches. Tara is in the background by the stove. Willow enters. WILLOW: Morning. BUFFYBOT: (cheery) Morning! WILLOW: I was thinking we could go over your programming again. TARA: Again? You've done enough, sweetie. She's either ready to face this thing or she's not. Dawn enters, sits at the counter with a small smile. TARA: Oh, um, here's some juice, and... (gives Dawn a glass of orange juice) pancakes are on the way. Funny shapes or rounds? DAWN: Rounds are fine. Uh, what's up with the mega-witches? TARA: Oh, I don't know if you can call us mega, Willow maybe- DAWN: No, I mean ... who's gonna eat all that? We see that BuffyBot has made a huge pile of sandwiches. Actually, several huge piles. Tara grabs the bot's hands. TARA: Oh! Oops, um ... she wanted to help, and I got her started, but then I forgot to un-start. The bot nods understanding. Xander enters. XANDER: House of chicks, relax. I am a man, and I have a tool. They all look at him. He holds up his toolbox. XANDER: Tools. Lots of plural tools. (Dawn grins) In my, uh ... (pats toolbox) toolbox. (sees the sandwiches) Ah! Sandwiches. Excellent. Men like sandwiches. BuffyBot smiles and gives him a stack of sandwiches. WILLOW: Help yourself. Really. (Xander eating a sandwich) So what brings you so early, your macho-ness? XANDER: I brought that soldering wire you wanted for BuffyBot's tune-up. TARA: (serving pancakes to Dawn) You got funny shapes anyway, sorry. The phone rings. BuffyBot looks excited. BUFFYBOT: I'll get it! WILLOW/TARA/DAWN: No! (all move to intercept her) DAWN: Um ... it could be my dad. (to Willow) He said he'd call today. BUFFYBOT: I'll just say hello. He's my biological ancestor. WILLOW: (into phone) Hello? Hey, Anya. (The bot looks disappointed, goes back over toward Xander) Really? That's fantastic! (to others) Uh, Anya found that thing, for tonight. XANDER: (looks nervously at BuffyBot) Yeah? Great. WILLOW: (listens) And you're her sweet cookie-face. XANDER: I go by many names. (The bot looks at him in confusion) DAWN: Well, what's tonight? TARA: Oh, just a Scooby meeting. Spike'll be here with you. WILLOW: You know, Buffy ... bot ... maybe you should let the machine - uh, the other machine, answer the phone from now on. Okay? BUFFYBOT: Is my phone manner not correct? TARA: It's perfect. It's just ... we can't take the chance that Mr. Summers might talk to you and know something's wrong. XANDER: See, if he thought the real Buffy was gone, he could take Dawn away. DAWN: And I wanna stay here, with you and Willow and Tara. Understand? BUFFYBOT: (big smile) I do! I want you to stay here as well. You're my sister! The bot goes around the counter and hugs Dawn, a little too hard. Dawn looks surprised, but pleased. Xander and Tara watch with concern. Willow looks uncomfortable. XANDER: So. Excellent. We're agreed. Sit your robo-self down so we can get to work. (The bot sits next to Dawn) We gotta fix up those fighting skills pronto. WILLOW: Actually, we have bigger worries than her fighting skills today. TARA: Way bigger. XANDER: I guess. Depends on how highly you prize punning. WILLOW: I'm serious, Xander. Buffybot is about to face her most dangerous challenge ever. Cut to: exterior of the Sunnydale Junior High. A big sign reads, "Welcome to Parent Teacher Day." Various tables are set up with displays, people walking around. Dawn and BuffyBot walk among the crowd. BuffyBot looks around at everything with great interest. Dawn just looks nervous. DAWN: Okay. So we'll make a quick lap so people can see you're here. The bot stops to look at a display. It's a table-top model of a city, made with paper cups and cardboard and such. DAWN: Then we'll- BUFFYBOT: What is this? We see a young male teacher sitting behind the display. He looks up. DAWN: Oh, um, this is our city of the future. (We see a boy Dawn's age on the other side, listening in) I made the hover-cars. They're orange-juice cans, see? BUFFYBOT: They're very nice. (frowns) But I-I still don't understand. TEACHER: We're reading Walden. This is, uh ... a kid's version of a utopian society. You'll notice there are no schools but an extraordinary number of pizza parlors. (Dawn grins) BUFFYBOT: I don't think I know of a breed of humans this small. Who's going to live here? The boy gives Dawn and BuffyBot a scornful look. Dawn gives a fake laugh. The teacher looks uncertain, but he laughs too. DAWN: Ha ha ha! Oh ... god, she's always like this. Ha ha! Come on, wacky Buffy. (takes the bot's arm) See ya, Mr. Davis. The teacher watches them go with some confusion. Sound of a school bell ringing. Cut to a classroom. A bunch of parents and kids sit in chairs while a woman stands at the front talking to them. MS. LEFCORT: As you can see, we've provided the best in progressive learning. But we can't teach your children unless you do. As parents, you have a responsibility to create the right attitude. To teach your child what school can mean. BuffyBot raises her hand. MS. LEFCORT: Ms. Summers. The bot stands up. Dawn looks very nervous. BUFFYBOT: School is where you learn. b*at. Dawn continues looking anxious. MS. LEFCORT: Exactly. Dawn is very relieved. BuffyBot sits. MS. LEFCORT: Parents let kids focus on school as a social experience rather than a learning experience. We want you to get your kids just as excited about education as they are about the lunch hour. BUFFYBOT: I helped make lunch today. MS. LEFCORT: (uncertain) Oh. BUFFYBOT: (cheery) Yes, before school. Peanut butter and jelly. I don't eat, but Dawn takes one every day. A father in the back row speaks up. DAD: Tell me about it. (Everyone turns to look at him) My kid's been brown-bagging it even though I pay for the lunch program. A mother on the other side joins in. MOM: It's true. Something has to be done about the quality of the food. All the people in the room murmur and chatter in agreement. BuffyBot smiles happily. Dawn looks at her and can't help smiling a little too. Cut to: overhead sh*t of downtown Sunnydale. Cars and people go by. Cut to closer sh*t of the front of the magic shop. Cut to inside. The camera follows Xander as he carries a large box into the back office area. Anya is dusting merchandise while Giles sits in the background doing paperwork. GILES: Anya, this register report for January looks a bit off. (Anya turns to him) Pull the files again. Anya puts down her duster and walks quickly over to him, frowning anxiously. ANYA: Are you mad at me? GILES: (confused) Mad? No, I'm-I'm- ANYA: Well then why are you torturing me? You know, I used to punish people like this when I was a demon. (Giles rolls his eyes) I made them double-check spreadsheets for all eternity. GILES: I'm sorry if you resent my authority, but I won't feel comfortable leaving here until I know that absolutely everything- ANYA: (grabs a small statue from the desk) You're taking the Ramadan effigy?! GILES: (rolls his eyes again) It's not inventory, it's my personal collection. (takes the statue) ANYA: (indignant) Oh, huh. Aren't you Mister Dicey Semantics. So, what, you think you can just take anything you want? She grabs the statue back from Giles. He looks angry, tries to grab it back, and they both pull at it. ANYA: Give it! GILES: No, you give it! Anya begins smacking his hand with her free hand. GILES: Ow! Ow! He tries to fend off her smacking hand with his other hand. In the other room, Xander hears them fighting and comes to look. GILES: Ow! XANDER: Okay, when *I'm* marveling at the immaturity ... (they pause and look at him) be scared. They stop fighting but both still hold the statue. XANDER: Anya, Giles is gonna leave the store to you when he goes. What more do you want? GILES: I'm not *leaving* the store to anyone. I'm going to England. I'm not d*ad, I'm still a partner. (yanks the statue away from Anya) ANYA: (sullen) Silent oversees partner. XANDER: Who you should be very nice to, unless you want to end up working at Video Hut. Giles gives Anya a tentative smile. She gives him a big fake smile and turns away. As soon as her back is to Giles she drops the smile and scowls, walking to the other room. Xander follows, grabs her arm. XANDER: What are you doing? What kind of gratitude is that? ANYA: (quietly) I know, I know. It's just ... he keeps saying he's going, and then he doesn't. And I keep almost being in charge, but then I'm not. And maybe he shouldn't be going at all, but we can't talk about that. (agitated) And it all just leaves me with this stress and bossiness stored up, and it just ... leaks out. XANDER: Just give it time, Ahn. This is hard for all of us. Just ... be patient. ANYA: I *was* being patient, but it took too long. I mean, I-I miss Buffy. I do. But life shouldn't just stop because she's gone. I'm sick of waiting to take over here, and I'm sick of waiting to tell everyone about us. Xander looks nervously over his shoulder, lowers his voice. XANDER: We've talked about this. We can't announce our engagement while things are so up in the air. ANYA: Why not? It's happy news. Happy news in hard times is a good thing. XANDER: It is, but ... if things go as planned, everything could be different. (Anya sighs) Let's just hold on. ANYA: You've been saying that all summer. XANDER: Please, Anya. We'll know more after we talk to Willow and Tara tonight. ANYA: Fine, whatever. Just remember that this whole marriage thing was your stupid idea. I didn't ask to be all crazy. She walks off. Xander watches her go. Cut to: exterior of the Summers house, night. Cut to inside. Dawn comes out of the kitchen holding a cup and walks down the hall. DAWN: So my homeroom teacher, Ms. Lefcort, was like, "Your sister's an example to us all." Hmm! She wanted to make it National Buffy Day. She puts the glass on the coffee-table and sits on the sofa next to Spike. There's a pizza box on the coffee-table, and a plate with a half-eaten slice of pizza. SPIKE: Makes sense. DAWN: It does? SPIKE: Yeah, she responded to BuffyBot because a robot is predictable. Boring. Perfect teacher's pet. That's all schools are, you know. Just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons. He sees Dawn's raised eyebrows. SPIKE: (quickly) Who go on to be ... very ... valuable and productive members of society, and you should go. (quieter) Because Buffy would want you to. b*at. They both look pensive. DAWN: Check. One mindless automaton coming up. They sit quietly on the sofa for a moment. SPIKE: So, uh, what do you fancy, bit, uh, game of rummy? (gets up) DAWN: Well, uh, Willow and Tara said they'd be back early. (Spike goes to a side table, opens a drawer) You don't really have to hang. I mean, if you're bored. SPIKE: I'm not, and yeah, I do. Spike gets a pack of cards out of the drawer, pulls a chair over to the coffee table opposite Dawn. DAWN: But I'm fine alone. It's not like anyone's coming after me. I'm not the key. (Spike sets the chair down) Or if I am, I don't open anything any more. It's over. Remember? SPIKE: (softly) I'm not leaving you here by yourself, so forget it. He sits in the chair. DAWN: Well, I'm just saying- Spike slams the cards down hard on the table. Dawn jumps. SPIKE: (not looking at her) No. I'm not leaving you ... to get hurt. (softly) Not again. They look at each other. Spike points to the cards. SPIKE: Now deal. Dawn picks up the cards. Cut to: the street, night. A young woman closes up a shop and turns to walk down the street, putting keys in her purse. It's dark and very quiet. She pauses, looks behind her, walks on. She pauses again, looks back again, resumes walking very quickly. She enters an alley and a vampire grabs her from behind. She screams. The vampire pulls her back against him and prepares to bite. BUFFYBOT: (OS) Don't be scared. The vampire looks up in surprise. BUFFYBOT: I'm going to k*ll him. VAMP: Slayer! BUFFYBOT: You can run away now. The girl does just that. The vamp tries to edge away too. Buffybot rolls her eyes. BUFFYBOT: Not you! She runs after him. He pushes a Dumpster into her path. She vaults over it and lands on top of him, knocking him down. They both get up and she brings him down again with a circle-kick. He gets up and she punches him, kicks him down again. He crawls toward an empty glass bottle, grabs it and hits BuffyBot in the face with it. She stumbles back and the vamp gets up. The broken glass has torn a hole in the bot's forehead and we can see sparks flying around it. VAMP: You're ... you're ... you're, you're a machine! BUFFYBOT: (smiles) Thank you! He scrambles to his feet and begins backing away. BUFFYBOT: Stop! She walks forward, directly into a stack of large kegs. She backs up a few steps and walks into them again. The vamp watches, begins to smile. She continues walking into the kegs again and again. BUFFYBOT: Vampires ... beware. Grinning, the vamp turns and runs off. The bot continues walking into the kegs. Cut to: overhead sh*t of Sunnydale, night. Cut to: exterior sh*t of Xander's apartment building. Cut to inside. Willow is holding a small urn and gazing at it. Tara sits beside her. TARA: The urn of Osiris. WILLOW: (looks up) You really found it. ANYA: (sits opposite Willow) Yeah. It wasn't easy. I went through every supplier the Magic Box has. WILLOW: (alarmed) You used a Magic Box supplier? What if Giles finds out? ANYA: He's too busy not leaving to pay attention to me. (We see Xander standing beside Anya) Besides, I ended up getting it on eBay. TARA: You found the last known urn of Osiris on eBay? ANYA: Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in a limited edition Backstreet Boys lunchbox for a - Xander coughs. Anya pauses. Xander looks nervous. ANYA: ...a friend. Tara looks at Xander with a little smile. XANDER: So you got your somber on, Will, is the urn not up to spec? Willow studies the urn with a frown, doesn't seem to have heard. She looks at Tara. WILLOW: It's the one. (puts it down) Which means it's time. XANDER: (anxious) It's time? (sits) Like, *time* time? With the... (vague hand gestures) timeliness? ANYA: (quietly) Are you sure? WILLOW: I am. TARA: Mercury's in retrograde, and we have... (to Willow) Do we have everything? WILLOW: (nods) Just about. Willow gets up, goes over to another table and begins putting things in a bag. XANDER: But why the sudden rushy-rush? I mean, did the bot blow our cover at school? TARA: No, she did great, she impressed all the teachers. XANDER: And they still thought it was Buffy? WILLOW: (turns back to them) Tomorrow night, we'll meet back here. XANDER: (jumps up) Whoa! Let's apply the brakes and check the rear- and side-view mirrors here. They all look at him. XANDER: (more calmly) This is deep stuff, Willow. We're talking about raising the d*ad. WILLOW: It's time we stop talking. Tomorrow night ... we're bringing Buffy back. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade back in on the same scene. XANDER: (nervous) Tomorrow? I don't know. ANYA: (gets up to stand beside him) Um, Di-Discovery Channel has monkeys. And our tape machine's all wonky. WILLOW: Guys, I need you on board here. XANDER: It's just ... (fidgets nervously) It feels wrong. TARA: It is wrong. (Willow looks surprised) It's against all the laws of nature, and practically impossible to do, but it's what we agreed to. If-if you guys are changing your minds- WILLOW: Nobody's changing their minds. Period. XANDER: Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group? ANYA: You did. TARA: You said Willow should be boss. (Willow moves away) ANYA: And then you said "let's vote," and it was unanimous... TARA: ...and then you made her this little plaque, that said "Boss of Us," you put little sparkles on it... XANDER: Valid points, all. But we ... I mean... Xander comes out from behind the coffee-table, goes over to Willow who is again at the other table putting stuff in a bag. XANDER: We were just talking then. WILLOW: Xander, I can do this, I promise. But not without you. ANYA: Should we maybe tell Giles? You know, now that we're really ready? It's not like he's going anywhere. Ever. WILLOW: No. No one else can know. Not Giles, not Spike, not Dawn. (quietly) They might not understand. TARA: What if something does go wrong? WILLOW: I'm telling you it won't. XANDER: Scenario -- We raise Buffy from the grave, she tries to eat our brains. Do we, a) congratulate ourselves on a job well done- WILLOW: Xander, this isn't zombies. ANYA: Zombies don't eat brains anyway unless instructed to by their zombie masters. A lot of people get that wrong. WILLOW: This isn't like Dawn trying to bring Mrs. Summers back, or anything we've dealt with before. Buffy didn't die a natural death. She was k*lled by mystical energy. TARA: Which means we do have a sh*t. WILLOW: It means more than that. (to Xander) It means we don't know ... where she really is. XANDER: We saw her body, Will. We buried it. WILLOW: Her body, yeah. But her soul ... her essence ... I mean, that could be somewhere else. She could be trapped, in-in some sort of hell dimension like Angel was. (tearfully) Suffering eternal torment, just because she saved us, and I'm not gonna let ... I'm not gonna leave her there. (intensely) It's Buffy. Xander looks at her for a long moment. XANDER: What time do we meet? Cut to Willow entering the Summers house. She sees Spike and the BuffyBot in the living room. BUFFYBOT: (shouts) Willow! The bot walks toward Willow, knocking over a side table with a vase on it. Spike catches the vase. Willow comes into the room as the bot walks into a wall. WILLOW: What happened, where's Dawn? Willow grabs the bot and pulls her away from the wall, giving Spike a questioning look. SPIKE: Upstairs, in bed. But the bot here seems to have got into a scrape while she was on patrol. Willow positions the bot in front of her and looks at the cut on her forehead. BUFFYBOT: I think my feet are broken. WILLOW: Eh, looks more like a short in the navigational system. She steers the bot over to the sofa and sits her down while talking to Spike. WILLOW: Can you get me a flashlight? It's in the, uh, kitchen. SPIKE: (heads for the kitchen) She wanted to go out and look for you again, but I figured there are enough things in Sunnydale that go bump in the night. (exits) WILLOW: (sits facing the bot) Good thinking. BUFFYBOT: But my homing device locates you when I am injured. I am programmed to go to you. WILLOW: (nods) Right, I know. Still, I think just this once, it was a good idea to stay put. Willow lifts the bot's shirt and peels back the skin over her stomach, revealing various wires and circuitry. WILLOW: Spike was right. (pokes at the bot's innards) The bot looks up and smiles at Spike as he comes back in with the flashlight. BUFFYBOT: Sorry I questioned you, Spike. (Spike looks surprised) You know I admire your brain almost as much as your washboard abs. (big smile) Spike looks pained. SPIKE: (quietly to Willow) I told you to make her stop doing that. WILLOW: I did. I mean, I thought I got all that stuff out of the program. We see that Willow has the bot hooked up to a laptop computer. SPIKE: Well, you've got her opened up, fix it. WILLOW: (typing) Sure. I mean, I have a lot of work here, but I'll see what I can do. Focus on the bot's face watching with interest as Spike crosses into the frame and off to the left. Willow doesn't see him moving. WILLOW: Can you shine the flashlight right here? Willow turns but Spike is gone. WILLOW: Spike! We see Spike opening the front door. He grabs his coat and leaves. BUFFYBOT: Did I say something wrong? WILLOW: (typing) No, it's not your fault. BUFFYBOT: (pensive) I think Spike stopped liking me. WILLOW: That's not true, he-he thinks you're swell. BUFFYBOT: Then how come he never looks at me any more? Even when he's talking to me. b*at. The bot seems anxious for Willow to explain. WILLOW: (nervous) He just gets cranky, the way vampires do. Now, just relax. I am gonna make you good as new. The bot continues to stare at Willow with a small frown. Willow continues typing. WILLOW: I promise. Fade to: exterior of the house, night. Cut to Willow and Tara asleep in Joyce's bed, snuggled up together. Cut to Dawn in bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. After a long moment, she gets up. Cut to Dawn walking down the hall, pushing open the door to Buffy's room. The bot lies on Buffy's bed, eyes open, with some wires coming out of her body and some equipment blinking and beeping steadily. Dawn walks farther into the room. Pan across what looks like a battery or electric generator on the floor at the foot of the bed. Wires extend out of it and into the bot's stomach. She lies on her back with her shirt pushed up. Her eyes are open. Dawn goes over and lies down on the bed beside the BuffyBot, cuddling up against her. The bot doesn't move, just lies there. Dawn closes her eyes. Cut to: aerial sh*t of Sunnydale, day. Cut to the workout room. Buffybot is practicing with Giles. He has padded targets on both hands and she punches them in a rapid sequence. GILES: That was splendid. (she stops hitting) Now ... try it again ... (panting) only this time, remember your breathing. The bot looks confused for a moment, then takes a deep breath and blows it out through her lips in one long breath as she hits the targets again and again. GILES: No, uh, that's good, but, uh ... (We see Anya come in and stop in the doorway, watching) ...think of the breath as chi. Air as a, a life source. BUFFYBOT: I don't require oxygen to live. GILES: Of course, strictly speaking, but- ANYA: Um ... (walks into the room) Maybe you should stick to the standard drill. You know, you don't want her to blow another gasket. GILES: I'm testing her responses after her injury. I see no harm in imparting a little Eastern philosophy. ANYA: Well, I just think that, the concept of chi might be a little, you know, hard for her to grasp. Giles drops his arms, in exasperation, then puts hands on hips. ANYA: You know, she's not the descendant of a long line of mystical warriors. She's the descendant of a toaster oven. GILES: Yes, well, I appreciate your input, Anya, but I think Buffybot has responded nicely to our sessions. Buffybot smiles happily. Giles lifts his hands and she prepares to resume. ANYA: Well, you're the boss. (to herself) Still. Anya turns and walks out. Giles drops his hands again, annoyed. BUFFYBOT: Would you like to test me again? GILES: No, perhaps we should call it a day. Your ... your responses are fine. He takes off the targets, puts them down, picks up a bottle of water. The bot stands in place and watches him. Giles turns back and sees her looking at him. GILES: Perhaps Anya's right. Perhaps I am trying to teach you as if you were... BUFFYBOT: Human? GILES: (uncomfortable) Yes. BUFFYBOT: I like your teachings. Every Slayer needs her Watcher. GILES: I'm not so sure about that. BUFFYBOT: (frowns) What do you mean? GILES: Nothing. Giles wipes his face with a towel, looks at the bot again, sighs. GILES: (looking away) I just can't help but wonder if ... she would have been better off without me. Buffy. BUFFYBOT: I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her. GILES: (laughs) Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do. Got my Slayer k*lled in the line of duty. BUFFYBOT: Oh, that wasn't your fault. GILES: Of course not. That's how all Slayer/Watcher relationships end, isn't it? He puts his glasses on, turns to face the bot again, calmer now. GILES: She's gone. I did my job. BUFFYBOT: (frowns innocently) Well, then why are you still here? Giles looks at her sadly. Cut to: demons on motorcycles. They drive up to a large building with a lot of other motorcycles parked outside. Loud rock music. Cut to inside. It's a bar. Many large, muscular, leather-clad demons are walking around, drinking beer, etc. Several of them wear leather jackets with the word "Hellion" on the back. There are also some humans. Pan across to the bar. VAMP: So I got her cornered in this alley, see... We see the vamp who injured the BuffyBot. He sits at the bar talking to one of the leather demons (Mag). MAG: (skeptical) You get the Slayer cornered. VAMP: Yeah. I figured it's my duty. She's a menace to our society. So we fight, and I'm like, pow pow pow! (makes punching gestures) And I got her on the ropes. Mag turns and grabs him by the throat, growling. MAG: You're lying to me. VAMP: (high, choked voice) I swear on all that's unholy! You haven't even heard the best part. I cut her, right? And she's -- I don't know, some kind of machine. She's not human! Mag looks into his eyes for a moment, lets him go. MAG: You're high. VAMP: I'm tellin' you, it wasn't even the Slayer, man. It was like a trick. (Mag looks at him) A robot. The vamp starts to drink his beer, but Mag grabs him again and hustles him across the room. He pushes through the crowd of demons to where the head demon, Razor, is sitting in a booth, surrounded by his cronies. Razor is very large and ugly. RAZOR: What's with the blood rat? MAG: (to the vampire) Talk! VAMP: (nervous) Okay, uh, so, I was over in Sunnydale, minding my own beeswax, when I see the Slayer- MAG: (shakes him) The part about the robot. VAMP: We fought, right? And I was like all over her, (punching gestures) boom boom boom... MAG: He says the Slayer's been replaced by some kind of machine. The vamp stops making punch noises. Razor looks interested. VAMP: A robot, yeah! And I kicked her synthetic ass. You shoulda seen the sparks- Razor gets up, towers over the vamp. RAZOR: You tellin' me there's no Slayer in Sunnydale? Longer sh*t of them from across the room, other demons watching. VAMP: That's what I'm saying, they got some kind of decoy standing in for her. (false bravado) Town is wide open. MAG: Nowhere like the Hellmouth for a party. There's all kinds of bad in that place. Razor nods thoughtfully. He and his cronies all laugh. The vamp laughs too, pats Razor on the chest. VAMP: I guess with your muscle, uh, you could own it in no time. (nervous chuckle) Hey look, I know you guys don't usually let vampires join the g*ng, and I got the whole (air quotes) sunlight issue. But I was thinking, you know, as thanks for the 4-1-1, you could let me go- Razor grabs him by the neck. sh*t of the vamp's headless body hitting the floor and dusting. Razor brushes dust off his hands. RAZOR: I'll think it over. He looks around. All his demon buddies are watching. RAZOR: Let's ride! They all cheer and turn to go. Cut to the demons getting on their bikes and riding off in a cloud of dust. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a peaceful pond surrounded by grass and trees. It's a bright sunny day. Soft meditative music. WILLOW: Adonai, Helomi, Pine. Pan across to discover Willow kneeling on a blanket on the grass. She pours something from a small pot onto the ground. WILLOW: Adonai, Helomi, Pine. The gods do command thee from thy majesty. (puts the lid on the jar, puts it down) O Mappa Laman, Adonai, Helomi. Come forward, blessed one. Know your calling. She looks around. A young deer comes around a tree and toward her. WILLOW: Come forward, blessed one. The fawn walks over to her. Willow pets it gently, puts her arm around its back. sh*t of a large Kn*fe lying on the blanket. Willow's hand grabs it and thrusts. Intercut sh*ts of the fawn's legs struggling with sh*ts of Willow's distressed face. After a moment the struggling stops. We don't see the d*ad fawn but we see the blood all over Willow's hands. She looks ready to cry. WILLOW: (panting) Accept our humble gratitude for your offering. (puts Kn*fe down) In death ... you give life. (voice breaking) May you find wings to the kingdom. She looks around, breathing raggedly. Cut to the magic shop. Xander and Tara sit at the round table reading. The door jingles as Willow enters, wearing different clothing. Anya appears from the side. TARA: Hey. You're late. WILLOW: Oh. (too casual) I, uh, had to get that thing. Willow goes to the counter, holding a small leather bag. XANDER: Giles isn't around, you can dump the cryptic. WILLOW: (nervous) The last spell ingredient. XANDER: Okay, right. What is vino de madre anyway? WILLOW: (walks over to them) Wine of the mother. Kind of ... black market stuff. TARA: Black market, you-you didn't tell me that. You shouldn't have gone alone, it could have been dangerous. WILLOW: Sorry. I didn't ... I was careful. ANYA: Well, it must be something pretty intense. The black market's all baby teeth and spooky fluids. (moves toward counter) WILLOW: (moves toward bookshelves) All I know is we have to have it to finish the spell, so, it's good stuff in my book. (takes a book from the shelf, returns to sit at the table) How come you guys are here anyway? I thought we weren't gonna meet till later. XANDER: Oh, we were. It just felt weird hanging out on our own. TARA: It's better if we stay together. WILLOW: (takes Tara's hand) Aw, you got butterflies, baby? TARA: More like bats. ANYA: Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me. Xander smiles fondly. TARA: That's okay, thanks. WILLOW: You tell those bats that everything is gonna be all right. I promise. We couldn't be more prepared. TARA: I know, I just wish it was time, I- We see Anya behind the counter picking up a piece of paper, reading it with a frown, coming out from behind the counter. TARA: (OS) -I can't stand worrying about it anymore. ANYA: Um ... well, it's your lucky day then. I have something that will distract you. Everyone looks up. Anya gives the paper to Xander. WILLOW: What? XANDER: (reads) "I've gone. Not one for long good-byes." (sh*t of Willow and Tara looking dismayed) "I thought it best to slip out quietly. Love to you all, Giles." Cut to the airport. Giles sits in the terminal, reading a book, with a small bag on the floor beside him. He stops reading, looks off into space. WILLOW: (OS) You really think we'd let you get away with that? The g*ng, plus Dawn, walks up to him. GILES: (smiles) I was trying to avoid a scene, really. We see that Dawn is holding a greeting card. Willow produces a large sign with the words "BON VOYAGE GILES!" inside a heart, with balloons attached to the corners. WILLOW: Like we'd make a scene. GILES: (quietly) Not you. Me. They all look like they don't know what to say. Anya steps forward. ANYA: Um, we, uh, brought you some lovely parting gifts. (holds something out) It's American. Get it? Apple pie? It's a packaged snack pie such as you might get at McDonald's. Giles takes it with a smile. ANYA: To remind you of all the good food you won't be eating. TARA: A-and a monster, sort of a Sunnydale souvenir we thought. Tara has a small rubber monster attached to her finger. Basically a thimble with arms and a scary face. She bounces it up and down. TARA: Grr! Argh! GILES: (smiles) Thank you. Giles takes the monster. XANDER: And I wanted to buy you a can of Old English 800, 'cause, you know, England, and you, and ... because at the time it sounded really funny. But the guy who lives in the box in front of the store, he, uh, wouldn't buy it for us. Xander smiles nervously. Dawn steps forward. DAWN: We got your presents at the gas station. (sits beside Giles) We were kind of in a hurry. Giles continues smiling nervously. Dawn looks uncertain, then hands him the card. DAWN: Um, we made this in the car. That's why the letters are all shaky. They all look on anxiously as Giles opens the card and reads it. GILES: (touched) This is, uh ... impossible, really. WILLOW: We just wanted you to know that ... we'll miss you. Uh, but we'll be okay. (softly) We'll miss you, but, (very softly) we'll be okay. ANYA: I'll take really good care of your money. GILES: (laughs) Yes, I have no doubt. P.A. ANNOUNCER: ...passengers, Flight 3982, leaving for Los Angeles, and continuing to London. Rows 20 through 30... Giles gets up, gathers his stuff. GILES: That's me. WILLOW: Now? We just made it. GILES: Just, yes. They all look at each other. GILES: Well, if we're going to do this, let's do it properly. He puts down his bag, goes over to Xander. They hold out hands toward each other, look awkward for a moment, then hug. Giles turns away from Xander, and Anya grabs Giles tightly. He hugs her back. Then he hugs Tara, then Dawn. GILES: I'm just a phone call away ... if you need anything. (holds Dawn's face in his hands) You must promise me. DAWN: I do. I promise. Giles turns to Willow. She smiles nervously. GILES: Willow. I don't know where to start. (they hug) WILLOW: (tearful) Well, maybe you shouldn't. (lets him go) I'm trying to be stiff-upper-lippy. GILES: Right, right. (removes his glasses) WILLOW: Well, you should get going. (taps him on the shoulder) Don't you have a life or something? GILES: (replaces glasses) Um, well, I suppose that's the question really. Tara puts her arm around Willow as Giles gathers his stuff up again. GILES: Just, uh ... be careful. Please. He gives them a last look, turns toward the gate. Pan across the Scoobies standing in a row watching him go. Giles gives his ticket to the flight attendant and goes through the door. Cut to a sh*t of a plane flying overhead. WILLOW: (OS) There he goes. We see the Scoobies standing on the sidewalk looking up. Willow still holds the big sign. Tara and Dawn have their arms linked. XANDER: It's a good thing. My face was getting sore from all that faux smiling. WILLOW: It was right, though, wasn't it? Giving him the no-tears sendoff? I mean, we don't want him goin' off all worried about us. ANYA: He'd still be all worried, just ... eight hours ahead. WILLOW: What's he gonna do over there by himself? (they all start walking) I mean, he never talks about people from England. What if he's lonely? TARA: He won't be lonely. He used to live there before, remember? DAWN: And I'm sure we'll talk to him, right? It's not like he's- TARA: We'll call him tomorrow, how 'bout that? (puts arm around Dawn's shoulder) See how his flight was? Yeah? Tara and Dawn walk on ahead as the other three pause. XANDER: (to Willow) Can you believe the timing? I mean, he's leaving right when we're ready to... (Willow glances nervously toward Dawn) ...do the thing tonight. WILLOW: (still looking at the sky) I know, I had hoped we'd figure it out before he, uh ... before he left. ANYA: Maybe we should have told him. I mean, what if it works? WILLOW: (still looking at the sky) He'll come back. b*at. Xander fidgets. XANDER: It'll be dark soon. WILLOW: Yeah, we should get Dawn home. I want to go over everything one more time. Nothing can go wrong tonight. She walks on. Xander and Anya follow. Lingering sh*t of the front of the airport building. Fade to aerial sh*t of Sunnydale, twilight. The sun is just setting. Fade to a curvy two-lane highway on a hill. The demons on motorcycles come roaring around a bend and down the road. They go past a sign reading "Welcome to Sunnydale" as we see the town spread out below. Fade to the forest, night. Tara, Willow, Xander, and Anya are standing in a semicircle beside Buffy's grave. Willow is directly at the foot of the grave. Xander and Tara hold lit candles. WILLOW: Does everybody have their candles? ANYA: I'm trying, my lighter won't stay lit. (flicking lighter continuously) WILLOW: Well, hurry, it has to- TARA: What time is it? XANDER: (checks watch) A minute till midnight. WILLOW: C'mon, Anya, do you have it? ANYA: (gets the lighter lit, lights her candle) I got it, I got it. I got it. WILLOW: Okay. Start the circle. Now. They all kneel, holding their candles, except Willow who holds the Urn of Osiris. Lingering sh*t of the headstone. Willow produces a small jar containing (presumably) the fawn's blood, and pours it into the urn. Tara and Xander look nervous. WILLOW: Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us. She dips her finger into the urn and marks her forehead and both cheeks with the blood. WILLOW: Before time, and after. Before knowing and nothing. She pours the contents of the urn onto the earth. WILLOW: Accept our offering. Know our prayer. Suddenly she jerks backward, panting, and her arms go out at her sides. Deep ugly gashes appear on her arms. XANDER: Willow! (reaches for her) TARA: No! (stuttering) She t - she told me ... she'd be tested. This is supposed to happen. WILLOW: (louder) Osiris! Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over. Willow winces in pain. We see blood running from the cuts on her arms, and round shapes moving under her skin. She gives a little moan of pain. The round things move up her arms and over her chest toward her neck. XANDER: She needs help! TARA: Xander, she's strong! She said not to stop, no matter what. If we break the cycle now, it's over. They all watch anxiously. Willow continues breathing heavily. Suddenly they hear a loud rumbling and they all look around nervously. ANYA: Oh god, what is that noise? Cut to Main Street Sunnydale. People scream in fear as the demons on motorcycles roar through the downtown area. The rumbling noise (motorcycle engines) continues. The demons drive over cars, through curbside restaurant tables, between pedestrians. At least one demon grabs a woman and pulls her onto his bike. We see them throwing garbage cans through windows, hitting cars with baseball bats, etc. A demon lights a Molotov cocktail and throws it through a store window. Pedestrians continue screaming and running away. Another demon throws another flaming bottle directly at the camera. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fade in on the scene by the grave. Willow still kneels with her arms held out, panting. The others watch with concern. WILLOW: (yelling) Osiris, let her cross over! Aah... Willow makes choking noises as we see the round things under her skin moving up her neck. TARA: Oh my god, oh my god. Willow leans forward putting her hands on the ground, gagging. A snake head appears in her open mouth. sh*t of her fingers clutching the grass. The snake slithers out her mouth and onto the ground. The others look horrified. TARA: (anxious) It's a test. It's a test. Willow... Linger on Willow leaning over the ground with her mouth still open. Cut to Spike sitting in the Summers living room, in the dark in front of a television. He looks across at the sofa. sh*t of Dawn asleep on the sofa. Spike looks back at the TV. Sound of motorcycle engines rumbling, tires screeching, crashing noises. Spike jumps up and goes to the window, looks out. We see the demons riding on people's front yards, throwing trash around, etc. Dawn comes up behind Spike, peers out the window. DAWN: What's going on? SPIKE: (whispers) Stay away from the window. Spike takes Dawn's shoulders and moves her away from the window. He walks toward the foyer. Dawn follows. DAWN: What is it, what's happening? SPIKE: Just do as I say. He checks to make sure the front door is locked, takes Dawn's shoulders again. SPIKE: I'm going to check the rest of the house. He moves off. SPIKE: (OS) Don't move! Dawn stands where he placed her, looking around nervously. Cut to downtown Sunnydale. The demons are still running rampant, and various things are burning. A demon is smashing the windows of a car with the logo "Espresso2U.com" on it. He turns and goes off, waving his w*apon. Sounds of demons yelling, people screaming. We see a couple of demons looking through a woman's purse. Mag is taking stuff out of a store window display where the glass has all been smashed. BUFFYBOT: (OS) That doesn't belong to you. Mag turns and sees BuffyBot standing there with hands on hips. BUFFYBOT: Put it back. Mag opens his mouth and lets out a high-pitched squeal. All the other demons turn to look. BuffyBot looks around nervously as the demons begin to converge on her. Razor comes right up to her as the others form a circle around them. RAZOR: Slayer. I've been hearing interesting things about you. BUFFYBOT: Yes. I am interesting. (looks around) These your friends? RAZOR: They're my boys, yeah. BUFFYBOT: Good. Now tell them to get back on their loud bicycles and go back wherever they came from. RAZOR: Or what? You'll electrocute us? He punches her in the face. She staggers back into a couple of other demons, who catch her and hold her arms. RAZOR: Hold her. The bot struggles as Razor comes forward and lifts his hand, revealing a set of ugly claws. Then an even uglier set of serrated metal claws pop out at the ends of his fingers. He reaches out and swipes at the BuffyBot. The claws rip slashes in her shirt and shoulder. Blue sparks sizzle from the wound. RAZOR: You're nothing but a toy. A pretty toy. Wanna play? He moves a little closer and the bot knees him in the groin. As he doubles over, she goes into a backflip, kicking him in the face with both feet and breaking free from her captors. BUFFYBOT: I would, but you've injured me. I have to return to Willow. She turns and delivers spin-kicks to two of the demons, lays out four or five more of them in quick succession with mostly kicks and a few punches. She leaps over the prone bodies and runs off. Razor lifts up onto an elbow. RAZOR: Get her! A few more demons try to stop BuffyBot but she punches them out of the way. The rest of the demons that she already fought all get up and get on their bikes, and tear off after her. Cut back to the grave. Anya, Xander, and Tara continue staring as orange light swirls around Willow, who is kneeling up again, panting loudly. WILLOW: Osiris, release her! BuffyBot runs up behind Tara. BUFFYBOT: Willow! I need service! Sound of motorcycles revving. The bot looks behind her and runs off as the motorcycle demons ride up. The demons ride around the bot, trapping her. They also ride around the others. Anya yelps. Anya, Xander, and Tara get up and clutch each other, looking around at the demons. Willow is still encased in a tube of reddish-orange light, panting. The demons ride around and around. TARA: Willow! One of the demons runs his bike over the Urn of Osiris, shattering it. WILLOW: (screams) No! The red light dissipates and Willow falls to the ground. TARA: Willow! Tara runs forward but Mag rides in front of her, cutting her off. She screams and moves back MAG: Look what I found! The demons continue riding circles around BuffyBot. Xander sees an opening and dashes forward, grabs Willow and pulls her out of the way just as Mag rides his bike through the spot where Willow was lying. XANDER: (yells to Anya and Tara) Take off! Go! Go! Tara and Anya run off. Xander lifts Willow by the shoulders and pulls/shoves her into the underbrush. Tara and Anya run through the forest together with Mag pursuing them. He grabs Anya as he rides by, pulls her onto his bike. TARA: Anya! Tara stops running. TARA: Dissolvo! A ball of blue light flashes from Tara to the motorcycle, knocking Anya free. She hits the ground and rolls as the motorcycle continues on. Tara runs to Anya, helps her up and they continue running. Cut to Xander in a different part of the forest, carrying Willow. He stops, puts her down with her back against a tree. She begins to regain consciousness. XANDER: Willow. Willow, are you okay? WILLOW: (weakly) Did it work? XANDER: (shakes head) I'm sorry. Willow passes out again. Xander kneels there on the ground with Willow lying across his lap. He looks around nervously. We can still hear the motorcycles all around. Pan down to the ground, into blackness. Fade in on a wrinkled, desiccated hand. Pan up across a body encased in black clothing. The orange mist from before swirls around the head, which is a skull with much of the skin rotting off and the hair decaying. As the mist moves around the body, the eyeballs reappear, the skin and hair repair themselves, and it resolves into Buffy, wide-eyed and gasping. She's inside her coffin. She looks around, panting, with an expression of extreme fear. Blackout. Note: This point marks the end of "Bargaining Part 1." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Bargaining Part 2," Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the BuffyBot with the demons still riding in circles around her. Every now and then they h*t her as they pass. BUFFYBOT: Oh, I'm dangerously close to- (a demon hits her in the face) -systems failure! Must - oh! - disengage from combat - so - oh! - Willow can service me. RAZOR: (swinging a length of chain) I'll service ya, girl toy! He throws the chain and the bot goes down. He stops his bike beside her and gets off. Cut to Xander and Willow. Xander seems about to pick her up again when Anya and Tara come running up. TARA: Willow! Tara goes to her knees and takes Willow's head on her lap. XANDER: I'm pretty sure she's okay. (gets up and goes to Anya) Or as okay as someone who's just had snakes coming out of their mouth. What the hell was that all about, Tara? (Tara looks up at him) ANYA: Less talk, more running away. XANDER: I'm sure the woods'll give us cover. Their motorcycles can't follow us in here. The motorcycles noises get closer, and we see the light from their headlights. ANYA: Someone should tell them that. XANDER: New plan. (goes to Willow, kneels and starts lifting her) Let's split up. ANYA: No, bad plan. Xander and Tara have the unconscious Willow upright, each supporting one side of her. TARA: I'll take her. XANDER: No, I can carry her. (Tara looks anxious) I'll keep her safe. TARA: (nods reluctantly) We should meet up somewhere. XANDER: The Magic Box. Whoever gets there first, call Dawn and Spike. Tara and Anya start off, but Anya pauses. ANYA: Wait. What about the Buffybot? XANDER: (indecisive for a moment) We can't. It's lost. (lifts Willow) Go! Xander picks Willow up and heads off. Tara and Anya go off together in another direction. Cut back to the grave. The bot is on the ground and the demons surround her, kicking her and yelling happily. Pan down across Buffy's headstone, to the grass. Cut to inside the coffin. Buffy pounds frantically on the sides, tries to scream but no sound comes out. She looks terrified. She continues pounding, bangs on the inner lid just inches from her face. She begins to rip away the cloth that covers the inside of the lid. She grunts with exertion as the cloth rips. Cut to the forest. Xander walks along carrying Willow, moving at a fast walk. He pauses, puts her down on the ground. Willow comes to again. WILLOW: (loudly) Xan ... Xander, where - where- XANDER: Shh! We're using our quiet voice, Will. WILLOW: (whispers) Wh-wh-where's Tara? XANDER: (panting) Off and running. Like we need to be. We gotta keep moving. WILLOW: (panting) Oh ... right. Demons ... on bikes. XANDER: Yeah. We got trouble. Right here in Hellmouth City. And our very own robo-Buffy led them right to us. WILLOW: Buffy! The ritual! We have to go back. (sits up) XANDER: (pushes her back) Will. I told you. WILLOW: We have to try again. XANDER: No, we can't. WILLOW: We have to, Xander! I - she - she's waiting! She's counting on us, on, on me! I can't leave her there any more, I won't. We have to finish. XANDER: Shh! They both hush and look around nervously as a motorcycle goes by near them. XANDER: (whispers) Will .. .the urn of cirrhosis... WILLOW: Osiris? XANDER: Yeah. It got kind of... WILLOW: (remembers) Broken. It's broken. I remember. XANDER: So we'll find another one. Better made. Anya and I will jump back on the web- WILLOW: There is no other one. (closes her eyes) XANDER: Okay, we'll fix this one. A little tape, a dab of Crazy Glue. WILLOW: No. It's no use. (tearful) The urn's defiled. It's gone. Nothing, it was all for nothing. Buffy's gone. She's really gone. Willow begins to cry, buries her face in Xander's chest. Cut to Buffy still ripping the cloth from the coffin. She bangs her hands against the lid, punches it and her fist goes through the wood. Dirt begins to rain down on her as she pulls at the wood, widening the hole. Cut to Anya running through the woods, looking around. MAG: (OS) Over here! Stop your moanin'. Anya suddenly falls down as Tara pulls at her from behind a rock. ANYA: (annoyed) Was that really necessary? A simple "psst"- Tara puts her hand over Anya's mouth. They both fall silent as two demons walk up near them. CLYED: I'm just saying it's rank. MAG: Get off it, Clyed. CLYED: Razor and the others head back to town, leave us here to hunt down strays. It's bullsh- MAG: Hey! (grabs Clyed) You got a bug up your crack, you take it up with Razor. The two girls huddle behind their rock listening. MAG: Until then you do as he says, and shut your hole, before I rip you a new one. Mag lets go of Clyed and looks around, snarling. MAG: Ah, screw this, let's get out of here. (they both turn away) Let's go h*t some stores. Tara and Anya relax a little as the demons move away. TARA: Doesn't sound like they found Willow and Xander. ANYA: Did he say stores? Hitting stores? Does that mean looting? TARA: I think, I think the woods let out over this way (points) We should keep off the streets, take alleys if we can. ANYA: They can't loot the magic shop, not now! I just got it. TARA: (puts hand on Anya's shoulder) Let's go. They get up and start to walk. ANYA: You don't think they'll cause a lot of damage, do you? Cut to the demons still wrecking houses and cars on residential street. One demon throws a Molotov cocktail at a front door, jumps up and down triumphantly as the porch bursts into flame. sh*t of a wooden mailbox labeled "Summers." A demon rides past and smashes it with a baseball bat. Cut to exterior sh*t of the Summers house. The demons have not yet ventured onto its lawn Cut to inside the house. Dawn is looking out the front window. SPIKE: (OS) A couple of stakes... We see Spike looking through Buffy's w*apon chest. SPIKE: ...holy water, one cross - (reaches in to grab the cross) Ow! (stumbles back, shaking his hand in pain) Brilliant. He looks at his injured hand, then over at the window, notices Dawn. SPIKE: Here! (starts toward her) You want me to bloody thump you? I told you to stay away from the window. (pulls her away) DAWN: Who are they? SPIKE: (peers out) Hellions. Road pirates. (sh*t of a demon throwing rocks through a house's windows) They raid towns ... use 'em up, burn 'em down. It's usually backwaters, any place... (looks back at Dawn, realizing) Any place they think is vulnerable. DAWN: They know. The Slayer's gone. Spike looks back out the window. The demons continue to ride up and down the street, setting various things on f*re. SPIKE: Can't stay here. (gets up, grabs Dawn by the hand) DAWN: W-well, I'm not going out there! SPIKE: (pulling her toward the door) Got no choice, bit, I can't protect you here. DAWN: (stops) Well, we can lock the doors, turn out the lights. SPIKE: And what, hide under the bed linen? Not really my style. DAWN: But we need to wait for the others, and Buffy. Spike frowns at her, confused. DAWN: ...bot. You know, the-the Buffybot. Spike sighs in frustration, looks around. DAWN: (agitated) We-we have to wait for the others- SPIKE: (grabs her roughly by the shoulders) Look! (pauses, more quietly) Dawn, I get that you're scared. But I'm your sitter, so mind me. (lets go her shoulders) I'm not gonna let any of those buggers lay so much as a warty digit on you. Right? DAWN: (whispers) Right. SPIKE: Right, then. We can't wait around to see if the others will pop in. We're on our own. No one's coming to our rescue. He takes Dawn's hands and leads her toward the back door. Cut to Buffy's grave. Zoom in on the ground, which is already churned up from the motorcycles riding over it. Suddenly a hand bursts out from below, then another hand, then Buffy's head and shoulders. She gasps for air, pulls herself up onto the grass, lies there panting. She looks around at the dark forest, very fearfully. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x01 - The Bargaining"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy sitting on the steps of Hemery High in "Becoming." WATCHER: You are the chosen one. Brief montage of several of the monsters Buffy has fought. WATCHER: You alone can stop them. BUFFY: Who? WATCHER: The vampires. Buffy timidly staking a vampire, looking shocked when it dusts. WATCHER: You see your power. BUFFY: Why can't you people just leave me alone? GILES: Into each generation a Slayer is born. WILLOW: You're the Slayer, and we're like the Slayerettes. XANDER: The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols, and, uh, done demon research with her and everything. BUFFY: We're talking about two very powerful witches (sh*t of Willow and Tara doing a spell) and a thousand-year-old ex-demon (sh*t of Anya) XANDER: Anya, you wanna marry me? Willow and Tara slow-dancing at the Bronze. Buffy and Angel sitting on Angel's bed in "Becoming" BUFFY: Angel. ANGEL: I love you. Buffy and Angel kissing. BUFFY: So don't go. Angel walking away at the end of "Graduation Day" Spike driving his car over the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. SPIKE: Home sweet home. DOCTOR: That chip was deeply imbedded in your cerebral cortex. Spike trying to bite Willow, yelling in pain. SPIKE: I can't bite anything. I can't even h*t people. GILES: What are you saying? SPIKE: Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies any more. Spike talking to Buffy in "The Gift" SPIKE: I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man. Spike reading a book to Dawn. SPIKE: They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life, so they sent the key to her in the form of a sister. GREGOR: You were created to open the gates that separate dimensions. Various sh*ts of Dawn. GREGOR: The little girl. The key. Dawn crying out as Doc cuts her in "The Gift" GREGOR: Destroy it, and the will of the beast will be broken. Spike attacking Doc. Doc s*ab Spike, throwing him off the tower. DAWN: No! Spike hitting the ground. DAWN: I have to jump. BUFFY: It'll k*ll you. DAWN: Look at what's happening! Lightning destroying downtown Sunnydale. Buffy doing her determined expression. DAWN: Buffy, no. BUFFY: Dawnie, I have to. Buffy swan-diving into the vortex. The Scoobies gathering around Buffy's d*ad body. BUFFY VOICEOVER: You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Be brave. Live. Long sh*t of Buffy's gravestone. BUFFY VOICEOVER: For me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Continuation from Bargaining Part 1... Open on the same scene. Buffy slowly gets to her feet, turns and stares at the headstone with her name on it. She frowns in confusion, then her eyes widen in shock as she gets it. Cut to downtown. A car sits there burning, half burnt away. Buffy walks up, stares. Pan to a wider sh*t and we see her walking down a street that's littered with debris. Buffy wears a black dress with dark hose and black heeled shoes. Her hair is shaggy and mostly covers her face. Cut to a sh*t from Buffy's point of view. Everything is blurry and indistinct. She continues walking, squinting and frowning at the burning cars. She stops walking to stare at a car. A demon on his motorcycle goes roaring past, throws something as he goes by. Buffy watches him go, backs away. Cut to interior of the magic shop. The door opens and Tara and Anya run in. They go down the steps into the main room. TARA: Willow, Xander! Tara goes to look in the back room, comes back. Anya looks around the store. TARA: They're not here. ANYA: Thank god. (Tara looks confused) No, I mean, my store hasn't been looted. Loud banging noise from outside. They both turn to look. TARA: Yet. They go to the window, peek out. sh*t of a bunch of demons looting a store across the street. ANYA: (softly) Xander. TARA: They're all right. ANYA: Then where are they? Why aren't they here? TARA: I don't know. Anya turns away from the window, walks into the store. Tara follows. ANYA: (getting agitated) They could be hurt. Xander could be lying somewhere broken and bleeding, calling out my name. TARA: Anya. ANYA: Like that, oh god! (walks on) What if, what if they're really hurt, what if they're d*ad? TARA: (firmly) They're not. ANYA: How do you know? TARA: Because he's with Willow. And if something ... happened, I'd know. (softly) And so would you. ANYA: (calmer) You think? TARA: I'm sure of it. (hugs her) They're fine. sh*t of Tara over Anya's shoulder as they hug. She strokes Anya's hair. TARA: (trying to convince herself) They're both fine. Tara pulls back to look at Anya. TARA: Maybe they got lost, in the woods. ANYA: The woods? Are we going back to the woods? I hate the woods. All those woodsy trees. TARA: (excited) No, it's okay. Lost is good. Willow and I always know how to find each other! She runs to the round table, shoves all the stuff off of it and climbs up on it, sits cross-legged and puts her hands on her knees. (See episode "Fear Itself") ANYA: With yoga? TARA: Ssh! (eyes closed) Aradia, hear my words. Cut to the forest. Xander and Willow are walking along. Willow is panting, leans on Xander for support. XANDER: Okay, this is really starting to grate my cheese. These woods aren't that big. Now, I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North Star. WILLOW: (looks up) Xander. (they stop) That's not the North Star. It's an airplane. Willow makes a pained face, staggers over to a tree and leans against it. XANDER: Nah, that's not an airplane, it's definitely ... (looks harder) ...a blimp! (embarrassed) But I can see how one ... could make that airplane mistake. WILLOW: (panting) I, I can't walk any more. I need to rest. XANDER: It can't be much further. WILLOW: You said that an hour ago. I just ... that spell took a lot out of me. XANDER: As for example, snakes? How come you didn't tell us how much- WILLOW: No. Not now. XANDER: What were we into back there, Will? WILLOW: It doesn't matter anyway. XANDER: Do not get all avoidy on me. WILLOW: I'm not avoidy, I just ... we have bigger problems. Demons? XANDER: Demons! Ah. There's something you don't see every day. (sarcastic chuckle) Unless you're us. WILLOW: (annoyed) Yeah, and now we're lost, so can we - (sees something ahead) What's that? XANDER: See? Avoidy. WILLOW: (points) Over there, that-that light. XANDER: (looks) That one moving towards us? We see a blue light in the distance. XANDER: Incredibly fast? WILLOW: (calls) Hello? XANDER: "Hello"? We're being hunted, and you're hello-ing a strange fast-moving light in the dark? It could be anything. The light comes closer but is still hard to see through the trees. XANDER: It's a motorcycle headlight. WILLOW: (smiling) No, too small. XANDER: Stay behind me. (picks up a stick from the ground, moves forward) WILLOW: Xander, I don't- XANDER: Stay down. I'll take care of this. The light flies right up to Xander and circles his head. It's a small blue ball of light. WILLOW: Xander, it's- XANDER: A bug! A big fiery bug! (trying to shoo it away) WILLOW: Xander- XANDER: Get off! Do fireflies bite? No, they probably burn, don't they? They - yaa! WILLOW: (smiling) Xander, it's not a bug. (as it flies around her face) It's Tara. Willow pushes away from the tree and follows the light as it moves off. WILLOW: Come on. She moves past Xander and on through the trees. Xander follows. XANDER: And how long have you known that your girlfriend's Tinkerbell? Cut to Buffy walking down residential streets. A siren wails in the background. Buffy goes to a car that's parked on a driveway, leans against it. The car's lights come on and its security system begins to wail and honk. Buffy presses her hands over her ears in pain. The house lights come on. The front door opens and a man comes out. HOMEOWNER: What are you doing? Buffy peers at him through her fingers. Her vision is still very blurry. The man is holding a g*n. HOMEOWNER: Get away from there! Buffy squints at him. HOMEOWNER: Do you hear me? (walks onto the porch) I said get off my property! Buffy continues frowning and squinting. HOMEOWNER: Leave us alone. (yells) Get outta here! He fires into the air. Buffy turns and runs off. Cut to Dawn and Spike running around the side of the Summers house, crouching down behind a bush against the wall. Spike looks out at the street. Dawn tries to move forward to look too, but he shoves her behind him. SPIKE: Get back. We see some demons riding their bikes up onto the porch of a house across the street. Spike gets up a little so he can see better. The demons break some windows and go into the house. We can see people inside. Spike continues watching as we hear a woman screaming. A small smile flicks across Spike's face. Dawn peers over his shoulder. DAWN: I-it looks like they're just ... wrecking stuff. No thought other than just destruct-o-rama. The demons throw some chairs out through the windows. Spike grins. Dawn notices it. DAWN: What? SPIKE: Uh, oh, nothing, just, uh ... (nods toward the action) looked like fun. (Dawn gives him a look) I'm just sayin'. Yeah, it's just ... (looks around) with this kind of frolicking going on all around town, we're not gonna get very far without... Spike spies something, moves away from the wall. Dawn watches. There's a kid-sized football helmet and a baseball bat lying on the ground. Spike picks up the helmet, tosses it to Dawn. She catches it, looks confused. Spike points at her, walks away. Cut to a demon on motorcycle coming around a corner at a high rate of speed. The tires screech. In the foreground we can see Spike's hand twitching as the demon rides toward him. Long sh*t of Spike standing in the middle of the street. The demon keeps coming. Spike doesn't move. At the last second, Spike leaps up into the air, kicking the demon off the bike. The demon lands hard. Spike runs over to the crashed bike, picks it up and gets on it. SPIKE: Let's fly, pigeon! Cut to Dawn beside the house. She puts the helmet on and runs off. The demons come running out of the house just in time to see Spike and Dawn go roaring away on the motorcycle. Cut to the magic shop. Frantic knocking on the door. Anya and Tara go to it. ANYA: (calls) Already been looted, sorry! Uh, try the appliance store down the block, they've got great toasters. XANDER: (OS) Anya! ANYA: Xander? Anya opens the door. Willow and Xander come in. Willow hugs Tara. Xander closes and locks the door. ANYA: I knew you weren't d*ad. (hugs him) XANDER: Wow, then why was I so worried? TARA: (leading Willow to a chair) Are you- WILLOW: Uh, not yet. But, but I will be. Willow eases into the chair with a pained expression. Tara stands behind her stroking her hair. WILLOW: Where's Dawn and Spike? TARA: We've been calling the house, but- XANDER: Maybe they're on their way here. I mean, this place is NORAD, and we are at DefCon One. The women all look at him in confusion. XANDER: Okay, I so need male friends. WILLOW: We have to go out and look for them. (tries to get up but Tara pushes her back down) XANDER: There's this guy at work I kind of h*t it off with. Tito. I mean, he seems like a good... Once again they all give him a look. XANDER: (embarrassed) You were talking about Dawn and Spike, of course. ANYA: Um, question. (to Willow) You want us to go back out there? WILLOW: Well, yeah. Uh, unless somebody's got a better idea. ANYA: Well, um, it's just ... we're minus a Buffybot. And, uh, Spike is missing in action somewhere with Dawn, and Giles flew away, and, uh, well you, you're looking a little magicked-out. XANDER: Ahn honey, we're nearing your point, right? ANYA: It's just, how are we supposed to fight these guys? (Everyone looks at her) I mean, we can take a vampire or two, sure, but there's a whole cavalcade of demons out there ... (uncertainly) I mean, I think this, you know ... it, it takes, um ... I mean, I ... we need... XANDER: Buffy. ANYA: (softly) Buffy. WILLOW: (harshly) Buffy... They nod expectantly. WILLOW: ...is not coming back. (sadly) We failed. Anya looks dismayed. The others look sad. WILLOW: So ... we're it, g*ng. (gets painfully to her feet) Xander, grab the w*apon. We're gonna look for Dawn and Spike. Sound of glass breaking. They all turn to look. TARA: If we're gonna go, we should go now, they're just getting more and more worked up by the moment. XANDER: Well, they can't keep it up forever. I mean, maybe they'll party themselves out, you know, tire of this place and move on. Cut to Razor addressing his minions. RAZOR: Say hello to your new home, boys. The demons cheer. Several of them have bottles of beer. One of them takes a mouthful of beer and blows it at his torch, creating a huge flame. We see that they're gathered in an open space (parking lot?) with a few barrels full of f*re. A burning pile of trash in the background. RAZOR: This here is a momentous occasion, the beginning of a new era. We see Buffy walking slowly toward them, looking around. RAZOR: Now, no question, the open backroads and highways have been good to us. But we've got ourselves a juicy little burg here, just ripe for the picking. And I ain't in no hurry to leave it, you? The demons all yell "no" as Buffy walks closer. We see them from her point of view, about a hundred feet away and still blurry. RAZOR: So I figure, what better way to kick off our ... semi-settling-down, than with a little christening? The demons cheer. We see a couple of demons attaching chains to their motorcycles. They grin at each other as the cheering continues. Buffy walks closer. RAZOR: A symbolic act commemorating the new order around here ... and ridding ourselves of any not-so-pleasant reminders of the old. Razor is holding a g*n. He holds it up and theatrically puts a b*llet in. RAZOR: All in one quick, really, *really* violent fell swoop. Buffy comes right up behind a couple of the demons. She still looks very muddled. They don't notice her. RAZOR: (holds up the g*n) Gentlemen, start your engines. The demons start up their bikes. We get a very quick look at the bikes with chains attached, and the BuffyBot among them. The demons sit still on their bikes, engines rumbling. We see the bot standing there with chains attached to both her arms. The real Buffy catches sight of the bot, and her eyes widen in shock. The bot sees Buffy and also looks surprised. RAZOR: Bye-bye, slayer! Buffy takes a step closer. We see the bot's mouth say "Buffy" but we can't hear her over the engines. Razor fires into the air. The bikes begin to move. BUFFY: (screams) No! The demons nearest Buffy hear her scream and turn around. The four motorcycles all move off in four different directions. Each bike is attached to one of the bot's limbs. Her arms and legs are ripped from her body and her torso goes flying. Razor grins. Buffy looks around anxiously. The demons near her move aside so that all the demons can see her. RAZOR: (looking at Buffy) Another one for the f*re, boys. Buffy looks alarmed. RAZOR: Tear it up. Buffy backs away, turns and begins to run. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Buffy running down the street. A demon on a motorcycle comes from behind and cuts in front of her, cutting her off. She turns to see another one coming at her, swinging a chain over his head. Buffy runs toward that demon as the first one follows. She ducks, and the chain hits the first demon, knocking him off his bike. DEMON: Sorry. Sorry. Buffy gets up and runs off. Cut to Xander and Anya walking down the street. Xander has an axe over his shoulder. Pan forward to reveal Tara and Willow walking ahead of them. Willow carries a crossbow. TARA: It wasn't your fault. We, we don't know if the spell would have worked, even if the demons hadn't- WILLOW: It would have worked. TARA: Well ... maybe... WILLOW: What? TARA: Maybe it wasn't supposed to. I mean, those demons showing up at the exact wrong time? Maybe we really were in over our heads. Invoking forces that we have no right to. Maybe the fates sent down all that destruction on us to stop us. I mean... WILLOW: You mean, maybe it was my fault. TARA: No. No. They put their arms around each other, continue walking. Cut to Buffy leaping over a pile of stuff and flinging herself over a fence. A motorcycle screeches to a stop behind her. The demon growls angrily. Cut back to the Scoobies still walking. ANYA: (softly to Xander) I'm not saying we announce it this second. XANDER: (whispers) Anya! ANYA: Well, I think it would please them to know we're engaged. And I think Willow in particular could use a real morale-booster right now. XANDER: Can we talk about this later? ANYA: Well, but it's just all the excuses for not telling everyone we're engaged are gone now. I mean, aside from hell bikers, there's nothing standing in our way. This is it. No more surprises. Suddenly they all stop walking as something drops to the ground in front of them. XANDER: Watch it! It's Buffy. She crouches there staring at them through her hair. She rises to her feet. ANYA: It ... it's the Buffy Bot. XANDER: Ah, peachy. No doubt to lead the wild bunch right to us again. Hey Will, next time this thing's damaged, couldn't ya program it to find the nearest Radio Shack, or... Xander breaks off when he sees the look on Willow's face. Zoom in slowly on Willow, staring at Buffy in wonder. WILLOW: Buffy? Buffy stares fearfully, then turns and runs away. WILLOW: Buffy! XANDER: Buffy! The g*ng runs after her. WILLOW: Buffy! Cut to the Scoobies coming around a corner into another alley. ANYA: Where is she? Willow stops. We see Buffy crouched in a corner between a wall and some random junk. WILLOW: Buffy? (moves toward her) Buffy, are you... Buffy sits huddled in on herself with her hair obscuring her face. The Scoobies walk toward her. WILLOW: It's Willow. Can you hear me? Buffy looks up, back, and all around, very nervously. ANYA: (whispers) What's wrong with her? WILLOW: Nothing! She - she's ... she's in shock. TARA: Her hands are bleeding. Her fingers. Close-up of Buffy's hands, which are covered with blood. ANYA: (OS) Oh, she's filthy. Xander shakes his head in dismay. XANDER: Oh no. WILLOW: (OS) What? XANDER: No. How could we ... so stupid! WILLOW: Xander! XANDER: Our spell. Our resurrection spell worked like a magic charm. We brought you back to life, Buffy. (looks at Willow) Right where we left her. Willow and Tara look shocked. WILLOW: Oh god. XANDER: In her coffin. Willow turns in anguish to Tara, who hugs her. TARA: She had to ... dig out of her own grave. Buffy continues crouching there fearfully. sh*t of the group from Buffy's POV, still blurry. Xander bends over to look in her face. XANDER: (muffled) Buffy. sh*t of Buffy from their POV. XANDER: (loudly) Buffy, it's Xander. Back to Buffy's POV. XANDER: (muffled) We're sorry. We didn't know. Buffy turns her head away, letting her hair cover her face again. XANDER: Buffy. TARA: You aren't reaching her, she's too traumatized. Anya touches Xander on the back, and he moves aside so Anya can take his place. ANYA: Hey, Buffy. Uh, here's some good news that might perk you right up. Uh, Xander and I have an announcement. XANDER: Anya! Xander grabs her arm, pulls her away. ANYA: What? Just trying to help. Xander bends over in front of Buffy again. XANDER: Buffy ... it's gonna be all right. We brought you back. You're home now. Buffy slowly raises her head, looks at him. sh*t of Xander from Buffy's POV. XANDER: (muffled) Yeah, that's it. You're home. RAZOR: Yeah, welcome home, Slayer. The Scoobies turn to see several demons behind them. RAZOR: Alive and kickin' after all! The Scoobies look alarmed. So does Buffy. RAZOR: Well, alive, anyway. sh*t of the demons from Buffy's POV. RAZOR: (muffled) Not looking too good, though, is she? XANDER: (muffled) I don't see you winning too many beauty contests. Cut to front view of Xander with the axe over his shoulder. XANDER: ...unless the Miss "My Face Fell Off" pageant gets going. RAZOR: Big axe you got there. XANDER: The better to cut you down to size, grandma. The other Scoobies look nervous. Razor grins, takes a step forward. TARA: Incindere. A gout of flame spurts up from the ground between Razor and Xander. Razor steps back. RAZOR: Ah. So you got a witch in the mix. TARA: More than one. XANDER: I happen to be a very powerful man-witch myself. (Razor looks amused) Or ... male... (over his shoulder to Willow) Is it a warlock? Willow nods. Xander turns back to Razor. XANDER: Warlock. ANYA: Plus, we have a Slayer here, uh, who might actually be looking to eat some brains, so, I think a little quiet moseying, no hard feelings, and I'm sure your demon horde won't think any the less of you. RAZOR: (shakes head) Now, my boys, see, that's tricky. They came looking for a m*ssacre... We see Buffy looking a bit more aware, starting to rise. RAZOR: (Buffy's POV, muffled) ...and I think you got exactly enough magic between you for a kiddie birthday party. Willow steps forward. WILLOW: Then you'd be wrong. RAZOR: Whoa. Well, I better back off, or you might, what? Pull a rabbit out of a hat? ANYA: (horrified) Don't, don't do that! (to Tara) Why would she do that? (Tara shakes her head) WILLOW: We don't want trouble ... you don't want trouble. RAZOR: Of course we want trouble, we're demons. We're really all about trouble. WILLOW: Not this kind. RAZOR: Oh. I get your point. He backhands Willow, who flies backward and lands on top of some boxes. Xander charges but Razor shoves him aside and he falls to the ground. Anya and Tara each go to their respective partners. RAZOR: Now let me tell you something, children. We're not gonna fight you. We're just gonna hold you down and enjoy ourselves for a few hours. sh*t of Tara gently turning over an unconscious Willow. In the background, Buffy rises to her feet, looking at Willow. RAZOR: (OS) You might even live through it. (Buffy walks forward) Except that certain of my boys got some... sh*t of Razor grinning evilly. RAZOR: ...anatomical incompatibilities that, uh, tend to tear up little girls. (grins) So, who wants to go first? Buffy comes over to stand directly in front of him. RAZOR: I was really hoping it'd be you. He hits her in the face. Her head whips to the side but she doesn't otherwise move. Razor looks a little uncertain. Slowly, she turns her head back to face him again. There's blood on her lip. Her face hardens into her famous "I'm gonna kick your ass" expression. Razor throws another punch but Buffy stops it, grabbing his fist and holding it immobile. With her other hand she punches him in the face twice, then she kicks him. He falls to the ground unconscious. The other demons look on nervously. Willow sits up, stares. Pan across Razor's inert body to Buffy standing over it looking confused. Xander and Anya stare. ANYA: Does this mean we win? The other demons yell and att*ck Buffy. She kicks one of them back. Xander and Anya get up. Buffy blocks another demon's w*apon and kicks him in the stomach. Another demon att*cks Xander who blocks with his axe, then punches the demon. Buffy blocks a punch and punches the demon in the face, then punches another one. Willow loads her crossbow and fires, hitting a demon in the middle of the chest. A demon att*cks Buffy with a Kn*fe and she grabs his arm in both hands, pauses to kick another demon away behind her, swings the one with the Kn*fe around and throws him into another demon, shoves another one away, ducks and punches, ducks and punches again. Then Buffy is surrounded by demons hitting her with various w*apon, and she huddles down on the ground under their blows. Suddenly she springs back up again, throwing them off her. She kicks one in the groin and he takes two more down with him. Another demon thrusts a baseball bat at Buffy and she grabs it, uses one end to h*t a demon behind her, then uses the other end to h*t the first demon. Cut to Main Street. It's deserted but littered with debris, some of which is on f*re. A motorcycle comes roaring down the street. Cut closer and we see that it's Spike and Dawn. Dawn sees something up ahead. DAWN: There. What's that? Spike looks, turns toward it. They pass a flaming barrel, then drive into the open space where the demons were partying. It's deserted now too. Spike brings the bike to a stop next to the pile of flaming rubble. They both dismount, staring at something on the ground. Dawn takes the helmet off and tosses it aside as they move forward. sh*t of Buffybot's torso lying on the ground, wires dangling everywhere from her arm and leg sockets. SPIKE: It's just a machine, Dawn. DAWN: I know. Dawn kneels beside the bot. Spike turns, walks away a bit. Dawn reaches out to close the bot's eyes, but suddenly the head turns and looks at her. Dawn gasps. BUFFYBOT: Dawn. You're my sister Dawn. Dawn doesn't know what to say. She gives a tentative smile. BUFFYBOT: (looks around in confusion) Where did I go? DAWN: What? BUFFYBOT: Where did I go? I was here. Here. But then I ran away. DAWN: (confused) I-I don't... BUFFYBOT: No. Not me. The other Buffy. Dawn's eyes widen in shock. BUFFYBOT: Yes. The other Buffy. DAWN: Buffy? BUFFYBOT: I don't ... I don't ... know where she ran off to. Maybe- She freezes in mid-word, staring blankly. Dawn backs away, gets up, still shocked. She stares at the lifeless bot, turns and runs away. Cut to Spike picking up a piece of twisted metal from the scrap pile. It's one of the bot's legs. SPIKE: Tsk. Look what those filthy buggers done to you. (loudly, to Dawn) Willow's slap-and-paste job's not gonna do the trick this time. Robot's done. He looks up, notices Dawn is gone. SPIKE: Hey. (looks all around, alarmed) Little bit? (yells) Dawn! Cut to Dawn running down the street. SPIKE: (OS) Dawn! Cut to Tara being held against the wall by a demon who has her by the throat. Willow hits him in the head with her crossbow and he falls back. Another demon has Xander down on a pile of wood but he manages to get his feet up and kick the demon away. Xander leaps to his feet and slams his axe down into the demon. Buffy turns from fighting one demon with the baseball bat and another one flings a length of chain, which wraps around the bat. The demon uses it to pull the bat out of Buffy's hand. Then he att*cks her with a Kn*fe. She blocks, grabs the Kn*fe-wielding arm, and uses it to s*ab another demon as he charges. Then Buffy kicks out behind her, kicking away another demon, and as for the one she's holding, she twists his head around, breaking his neck. Buffy stops, looking around. All the demons are defeated. The Scoobies approach from their various places. TARA: Well, they wanted a m*ssacre. They stand in a row staring at Buffy. XANDER: She's Buffy. She's herself again. (She looks at him) You're back, Buffy, you really are. Xander moves as if to hug her, but she takes a quick step back, looking fearful. XANDER: Whoa. (gently) Whoa. Buffy looks around in anguish. She lifts her bloody hand to her mouth, wipes the blood from her lip, looks at her hand. She looks about to cry. She walks forward. The others watch uncertainly. Buffy goes past Xander and breaks into a run, taking off around the corner. WILLOW: Buffy! The Scoobies watch her go. ANYA: Where's she going? TARA: Should we follow her? WILLOW: I don't know. XANDER: She just ... needs some time is all. sh*t of Razor lying on the ground, apparently d*ad. Suddenly his eyes open. XANDER: (OS) The important thing is that she's back. She'll be fine. sh*t of Razor's hand. The metal claws sh**t out of his fingers. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Razor getting to his feet with a snarl. We see that he's standing behind Xander. ANYA: Xander, look out! Anya shoves Xander to the ground as Razor att*cks. The blow misses as Xander hits the ground butt-first. The others watch fearfully as Razor advances on Xander, who scrambles backward on his butt. RAZOR: Now what kind of Slayer is it runs out on her buddies just when they need her the most? Xander grabs a trash-can lid and holds it up as a shield as Razor att*cks again. The metal claws slice right through the shield. Xander looks scared. Cut to Buffy walking quickly down an alley. Suddenly she stops, turns as a demon swings a piece of metal at her. She ducks and hits him, kicks him in the groin, grabs him and throws him against a wall where another piece of metal impales him. He falls d*ad. Buffy stares at him, then looks up. Above the roof of the nearest building we see the tower that Glory's minions built. Buffy runs off. Cut back to Razor about to strike Xander again. Suddenly he's struck from behind. He turns and all three women att*ck him -- Willow and Anya with sticks, Tara with a piece of chain. He covers his head with his hands as they b*at on him. Then Razor does the same move that Buffy did earlier, straightening up and flinging them off of him. They all fall back. Willow holds up her hand. WILLOW: Obfuscate. A gray ball appears in her hand and she throws it at Razor. It covers his face with some kind of goo, so he can't see. He roars and pulls at it with his hands. Cut to Dawn running around a corner, hearing Razor yell in the background. She sees the impaled demon and comes to a stop, staring in disgust. She edges around him, looks up and sees the tower. She starts forward with determination. Cut to Buffy at the foot of the tower, looking up. sh*t from her POV of the tower with the narrow walkway extending out. Cut back to Razor still trying to pry the stuff off his face as the others resume hitting him. Xander sits up. Razor finally pulls the stuff off, grabs Anya by the shoulders and shoves her away. She lands on the ground. Xander gets up and rushes Razor, gets elbowed in the face and falls back. Tara rushes Razor and he grabs her by the throat. WILLOW: Fragilis. Another ball of light appears in Willow's hand and sh**t over to Tara. Razor swipes his claws across Tara's chest but the metal claws break off and fall away without harming her. Razor stares at his fingers, thrusts Tara away. She falls among some trash. Razor grabs Willow by the throat and lifts her up. RAZOR: So, witch, got a little power after all. Well, let's see what tricks you can manage while I choke the life outta- Suddenly he gasps and lets Willow go. She falls to the ground. Razor falls face-first beside her, with the axe buried in his back. Willow looks up to see Tara standing there. Tara bends over and helps Willow up. WILLOW: Tara! TARA: Nobody messes with my girl. Xander and Anya come over. XANDER: Tara, nice axing. TARA: My first. They all look at the d*ad demon. WILLOW: Buffy. They all turn and walk off. Cut to: sh*t of the tower from afar. Cut to the top. Buffy stands at the end of the platform looking down. We hear creaking noises. sh*t of the view from the platform. The ground below is just an open space. Buffy frowns slightly. Flashback of Dawn's blood dripping, opening the hole in midair, lightning flashing. Flashback of Buffy running down the platform, swan-diving into the thing. Cut back to now. Buffy stands staring, presses her eyes shut tightly. Flashback of Buffy standing on the tower with Dawn, turning away from Dawn to look at holes opening in the sky. Buffy turning back to Dawn. Cut back to now. Buffy still has her eyes closed. DAWN: (flashback) Buffy, no. BUFFY: (now) Dawnie, I have to. DAWN: (now) Buffy? Buffy frowns, opens her eyes, turns. Dawn is standing at the other end of the platform, in the little arch at the top of the tower. DAWN: Buffy... Buffy looks apprehensively at her. DAWN: Buffy ... (amazed) how... Buffy frowns at her in confusion. DAWN: Is it you? I mean really? Dawn smiles tentatively, starts to take a step forward. DAWN: What are you do- The tower creaks and shudders under Dawn's feet. She grabs the pole beside her for support, looks down fearfully. sh*t from below as the whole tower shakes. Cut back to above. Buffy turns back to the end of the platform. DAWN: (shrieks) No! Buffy looks down at the ground below. DAWN: Don't! Buffy turns back to Dawn. DAWN: Don't jump, Buffy, don't move! Just walk to me. Please! Buffy looks uncertain, turns away again. DAWN: Please? Buffy continues staring down. The tower continues to creak. DAWN: I'm your sister. Dawn. We were up here ... together, and then ... you went away. And you don't wanna do that again. I don't know how you're back, but you are, and please, just stay still. The tower shakes again, making Dawn shriek and fight for balance. DAWN: Or-or move. But-but towards me. Because the tower was built by crazy people and I don't think it's holding up very well. b*at. Buffy continues staring down. DANW: Talk to me. Say something! The tower creaks. BUFFY: (quietly) Is ... this hell? DAWN: (confused) What? Buffy turns to face Dawn with an anguished frown. BUFFY: Is this hell? DAWN: No! Buffy, no! (taking a tiny step closer) You're here ... with me. (another tiny step) Whatever happened to you, whatever you've been through, it's ... it's over now. You're- The tower shakes again. Dawn shrieks DAWN: We have to get off this tower! Buffy turns to look down again. BUFFY: (quietly) It was so ... clear ... on this spot. I remember ... how ... shiny ... and clear everything was. (shakes her head) But ... now ... now... DAWN: Buffy ... please ... listen to me. Buffy closes her eyes, doesn't turn around. DAWN: You told me I had to be strong ... and I've tried. (tearful) But it's been so hard without you. Buffy still has eyes closed, frowning. DAWN: I'm sorry. I promise I'll do better, I will! (still tearful) If you're with me. Stay with me ... please. I need you to live. Live! For- The tower shakes again, hard. Dawn screams and crouches down. Piece of the tower fall off. DAWN: Buffy! Buffy whirls around. BUFFY: (softly) Dawn. DAWN: Buffy! BUFFY: (louder) Dawn! Buffy runs across the platform to Dawn, pulls her up and into the body of the tower. They run around one bend, pause and look around. sh*t of a pulley with a rope going through it. Buffy holds onto Dawn, leaps off the tower and grabs the rope. They hang there for a moment, then the rope begins to move and they plummet downward. Dawn screams. sh*t of the pulley with the rope zooming through it, sending up smoke. sh*t of a bolt working its way loose. They fall for a while and then something catches and they stop. They both look toward the ground, still a long ways off. The bolt holding the pulley secure breaks off, and they fall the rest of the way, Dawn screaming the whole time. They land on some cardboard on the ground. They both lie on their backs gasping. Buffy looks up and sees the entire platform break off the tower and fall toward them. Buffy grabs Dawn, they both get up and run off an instant before the platform falls on the cardboard. Long sh*t of the entire tower crumbling and falling to the ground. It makes a huge sustained noise. Buffy and Dawn go around a corner and collapse on the ground, panting. Dawn winces in pain, looks up at Buffy's face. The noise dies away. DAWN: (tentatively) Buffy? Buffy looks at her apprehensively. Dawn smiles in disbelief. DAWN: Buffy. You ... you ... (touches Buffy's cheek) ...you're really here. Dawn hugs Buffy. DAWN: (crying) You're alive, and you're home. You're home. sh*t of Buffy's face over Dawn's shoulder. She doesn't look very happy. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x02 - The Bargaining Part 2"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. Buffy running down the walkway atop the tower. DAWN: Buffy, no. Buffy jumping into the wormhole. The Scooby g*ng gathered around Buffy's d*ad body. DAWN: No! XANDER: You're talking about raising the d*ad. It feels wrong. TARA: It is wrong. WILLOW: She could be trapped! The foursome doing their resurrection spell. WILLOW: I'm not gonna leave her there. Willow pouring blood out of the jug, putting it on her face. WILLOW: Osiris, master of all fate, let her cross over. Buffy's corpse reviving. sh*t of Buffy's gravestone. Buffy digging her way out of her grave. WILLOW: Buffy? ANYA: What's wrong with her? WILLOW: She's in shock. The Hellions destroying Sunnydale. DAWN: Who are they? SPIKE: Road pirates. They raid towns, use 'em up, burn 'em down. Buffy beating up demons. Dawn hugging Buffy. DAWN: You're alive, and you're home. You're home. Episode opens on Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya walking through the dark alleys. WILLOW: She's at home. She has to be. We're, we just need to get there, and she'll be there. TARA: This is the fastest way? XANDER: Absolutely. TARA: You sure? XANDER: Hey, I've done a lot of fleeing on these mean streets. I know all the shortcuts. ANYA: I don't like this. (points to something they pass that's on f*re) Look, f*re. f*re is rarely a sign of imminent safety. WILLOW: I wish we were there already. XANDER: Hey, hey, don't worry, ladies, I'll get us there just fine. My senses are primed for danger, and nothing's gonna- Xander yells in surprise as three demons on motorcycles come roaring up behind them. The demons ignore them, just ride around them and on down the alley. Xander stumbles back, rattled. The girls steady him. XANDER: (shaky) I'm okay. (pats himself) Four. Four limbs. ANYA: Well, at least the demons almost h*t you on the way *out* of town. XANDER: Yeah, now that their leader's gone they seem to be making with the big skedaddle. WILLOW: (looks around nervously) I-it was Buffy, right? We, we saw her and it was really Buffy? They resume walking. ANYA: I think we screwed it up. She's broken. WILLOW: No! She's not broken! She's just ... disoriented from being ... tormented in some hell dimension. Probably tortured and ... It's like, we don't even know how much time has passed there for her, uh, possibly years. That's not something you just get over. Oh my God. What if she never gets over it? ANYA: And you think of this now? TARA: What are you thinking, Willow? That-that she's ... that she's not right, or, or maybe like, dangerous? Cut to Buffy and Dawn standing on a sidewalk. The street behind them is littered with debris from the demons' att*ck. DAWN: (nervous) Home! See? We see they're standing in front of their house, looking at it. DAWN: You're back home. We're all okay now. Buffy just stares, looking disheveled and unhappy. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by David Solomon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Buffy in the foyer as Dawn closes the front door behind them. Buffy moves toward the living room. Dawn turns on a light and Buffy winces in pain. BUFFY: Ow. Dawn watches anxiously as Buffy surveys the living room. BUFFY: It's different. DAWN: A little. Uh, Willow and Tara live here now, and, uh, we ... sh*t of a photo of Joyce, in a frame on a table. DAWN: ...we didn't do much... Buffy stares at the photo. DAWN: We moved some of the chairs, and took out some of the little tables, but... Dawn trails off as Buffy turns and heads toward the dining room. Dawn turns and follows, turns on the light in the dining room. DAWN: This is the same. Except the computer stuff. sh*t of a laptop computer set up at one end of the dining-room table. DAWN: That's Willow's, obviously. We eat at the other end... Buffy has already turned and walked off. Dawn turns and notices. DAWN: (softly, with self-disgust) Obviously. Dawn looks up the stairs after Buffy for a moment, then follows. Cut to a sink with faucet running, hands squeezing out a face-cloth. Pan up to reveal it's Dawn. She turns off the faucet and turns to Buffy, who stands staring at her reflection in the mirror. Buffy no longer wears her black coffin dress, but a loose white button-down shirt that is unbuttoned with a camisole underneath. Her hair is pulled back neatly. Dawn very carefully begins wiping Buffy's neck with the cloth. DAWN: There you are. Knew you were under that dirt somewhere. (nervous laugh) Buffy doesn't react, just stares at her reflection. Dawn looks nervous, turns back to the sink, then back to Buffy. DAWN: (false cheer) You remember what Mom used to say? "Either wash that neck or plant potatoes." (Buffy still doesn't react) Yeah, I never thought it was funny either. Dawn indicates Buffy's shirt. DAWN: You want to button that, or, um... Buffy looks down. sh*t of her hands, which are still bloody. Dawn notices them for the first time. DAWN: Ohh ... ow. Dawn gently lifts Buffy's hands to look at them. Buffy jerks them back. DAWN: Um, we'll ... take care of that after. BUFFY: Okay. DAWN: Here, I'll do the shirt. (begins buttoning the shirt) And then, then we'll do your hands. Buffy frowns, looks around. DAWN: See how nice you look... Buffy walks away before Dawn can finish buttoning. Dawn watches her go, looks upset. Cut to Buffy walking into Willow and Tara's room. Dawn enters behind her, turns on the light. Again Buffy winces. DAWN: Mom's room. (walks closer to Buffy) I know it's really different now. BUFFY: Willow and Tara. This is their room. DAWN: Yeah, well, it seemed to make the most sense. No one was using it, and it's the biggest. But, you know, now that you're here, we'll have to figure out something to do. Buffy has turned to leave again. Dawn sighs, moves to block her way. DAWN: (frustrated) Buffy? You wanna, like, stop? (hopeful) We can ... we can sit down and talk. BUFFY: What else is different? DAWN: (sighs) Do you mean about the house, or... Buffy kind of shrugs, doesn't look at her. DAWN: Um. Let's see ... Giles. It's so weird. He, he left today. Because you were ... (Buffy doesn't appear to react) He, he'll come right back, I'll call him. Someone'll call him. BUFFY: What... DAWN: What what? Buffy seems to be drifting in and out of attention. She snaps out of it again. BUFFY: Uh ... What, um ... will you say to him? Sound of a door opening downstairs. Buffy goes on full alert, looks around anxiously. BUFFY: What's that? DAWN: It's okay. It's okay. SPIKE:(O.S.) Dawn! Dawn! Are you there? DAWN: (to Buffy) It, it's just Spike. (calls) I'm here! Dawn gives Buffy a look, heads out. Buffy follows. Cut to the foyer. sh*t from above as Spike slams the door angrily, looking up the stairs at the camera. SPIKE: Thank God. You scared me half to death ... or more to death. You - I could k*ll you. Dawn walks slowly down the stairs, giving Spike a look, trying to clue him in. DAWN: Spike. SPIKE: I mean it. I could rip your head off one-handed and drink from your brain stem. Dawn reaches the bottom of the stairs. Spike finally realizes something is up. DAWN: Look. Dawn turns back and we see Buffy coming down the stairs behind her. SPIKE: Yeah? I've seen the bloody bot before. Didn't think she'd patch up so- He breaks off, staring at Buffy. She continues down the stairs, returning his gaze. DAWN: She's kind of, um ... She's been through a lot ... with the ... death. But I think she's okay. Buffy suddenly notices her shirt is still unbuttoned, begins buttoning it. Dawn looks at Spike, who continues staring in disbelief. DAWN: Spike? Are *you* okay? SPIKE: I'm ... what did you do? DAWN: Me? Nothing. Buffy clutches the top of her shirt closed, looks up at Spike a little fearfully. SPIKE: Her hands. Buffy lowers her hands, puts them behind her back, looks uncomfortable. DAWN: Um, I was gonna fix 'em. I don't know how they got like that. SPIKE: I do. Clawed her way out of a coffin, that's how. (to Buffy) Isn't that right? BUFFY: (quietly) Yeah. That's ... what I had to do. SPIKE: Done it myself. Throughout this, Spike continues staring at her as if he thinks he's dreaming. Now he snaps out of it. SPIKE: Um ... We'll take care of you. Come here. He puts out his arm and guides Buffy into the living room. SPIKE: (to Dawn) Get some stuff, uh, mercurochrome, bandages. DAWN: Okay. Dawn goes off. Spike follows Buffy into the living room. She sits on the sofa and he sits on the coffee-table facing her. He takes her hands in his and looks at them. Then he looks up at her face and their eyes meet. BUFFY: How long was I gone? SPIKE: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh ... hundred forty-eight today. (smiles a little) 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? Buffy doesn't respond. He looks at her hands again, then back at her face. SPIKE: How long was it for you ... where you were? BUFFY: (pause) Longer. Dawn reappears from the kitchen carrying medical supplies. DAWN: Got the stuff. As she enters the living room, the front door bursts open and the others rush in. WILLOW: Is she here? ANYA: She's here! WILLOW: You're here. XANDER: We didn't know where you were. ANYA: You ran away. WILLOW: Buffy! TARA: Are you okay? The above goes by very fast as Buffy and Spike are standing up. Spike moves aside with a disgusted expression. DAWN: (shocked)You knew she was back? In the background we see Spike exit out the front door, but no one notices. DAWN: How did you know? ANYA: (to Buffy) You're not a zombie, are you? XANDER: Anya! WILLOW: Are you in pain? XANDER: What do you remember? TARA: What do you know about what happened? Buffy sits back down, looks like she can't handle the barrage of questions. DAWN: Hey! Back off! The Scoobies look at Dawn in surprise. DAWN: You did this. What did you do? WILLOW: A spell. We, we did a spell. ANYA: We didn't think it worked, but- DAWN: Is she going to be okay? BUFFY: I'm okay. Everyone looks at Buffy. sh*t of the Scoobies from her perspective: towering over her, looking a little menacing. BUFFY: I'm gonna be fine. I remember. You brought me back. ANYA: What was it like? BUFFY: I, I can't... XANDER: It's okay. You don't have to talk about this, Buff. Hey, do you want something? Anything. Pizza. I'll get you pizza. ANYA: Buffy likes pizza. TARA: Yeah, something to eat- WILLOW: She doesn't want pizza. TARA: I just meant- DAWN: (sharply) Guys! Back off. b*at. WILLOW: Right, uh, Dawn's right. We should just be quiet, and let Buffy tell us what she needs. Another sh*t from Buffy's POV of the foursome staring down at her. She looks uncomfortable, gets up. BUFFY: I, I think I ... just wanna go to sleep. TARA: That's a good idea. You, you should sleep. WILLOW: Right. Long day. But, Buffy ... be happy. (big smile) We got you out. We really did it. Buffy looks at them, still uncomfortable. BUFFY: (apologetically) Tired. ANYA: Well, yeah. I mean ... jet-lag from hell has gotta be, you know, jet-lag from hell. BUFFY: (toward Dawn) My room is still... DAWN: Yeah. Yes. It's your room. Buffy exits. The others watch her go, then look at each other. WILLOW: (defensively) Well, she, she's fine! Normal! She used to go to bed all the time! Cut to: exterior Summers house, night. Anya and Xander come out, cross the porch and begin down the stairs. ANYA: I think Willow's wrong. I don't think she's particularly normal at all. XANDER: Well, she just got back. Give it time. I bet in a week she'll be our little Bufferin again. ANYA: Oh yes, cause six or seven days, that's all you really need to get over eternal hell experiences. Xander hears something, looks off to the left. XANDER: Who's that? Spike? We see Spike leaning against a tree, his back to them. He lifts a hand and wipes his eyes. Xander and Anya come closer. XANDER: What are you doing out here? I hope you're not going to start your little obsession now that she's around again. Spike grabs Xander and spins him around, slams him up against the tree and holds him there. ANYA: Hey! SPIKE: You didn't tell me. You brought her back and you didn't tell me. XANDER: Well, now you know. SPIKE: I worked beside you all summer. XANDER: We didn't tell you. It was just ... we didn't, okay? SPIKE: Listen. I've figured it out. Spike lets go of Xander but doesn't move away, continues glaring at him. SPIKE: (angrily) Maybe you haven't, but I have. Spike still has tears in his eyes. He points toward the house. SPIKE: Willow knew there was a chance that she'd come back wrong. So wrong that you'd have ... that she would have to get rid of what came back. And I wouldn't let her. If any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn't let her. And that's why she shut me out. XANDER: What are you talking about? Willow wouldn't do that. SPIKE: (sarcastic) Oh. Is that right. XANDER: Look. You're just covering. Don't tell me you're not happy. (Spike scoffs) Look me in the eyes, and tell me when you saw Buffy alive, that wasn't the happiest moment of your entire existence. Spike gives Xander a "you just don't get it" scowl, turns and walks off. SPIKE: (as he walks) That's the thing about magic. There's always consequences. We see the motorcycle that Spike acquired in "Bargaining" sitting on the street in front of the house. Spike gets on it. SPIKE: Always! He starts up the bike and rides off as Xander and Anya watch. Cut to Buffy's room. She stands in front of the mirror, still dressed, staring blankly at her reflection. Sound of a door closing. Buffy starts, looks toward the hallway. Cut to the hallway. Willow, wearing pajamas, walks from the bathroom to her room. Cut to Willow and Tara's room. Tara is brushing her hair in front of a mirror. Willow enters. WILLOW: Hey. TARA: Did you get through to London? WILLOW: Yeah. He's gonna head back as soon as he can. I'm not sure, like maybe a couple days. TARA: (stops brushing hair, turns to Willow) How did he take it? WILLOW: (rubbing lotion on her arms) Um ... I'm not sure. I mean ... glad, but ... kinda weirded out, which I get, you know? Lots of "dear lords". And I think I actually heard him cleaning his glasses. Tara smiles, turns and takes off her robe. TARA: Are you worried? WILLOW: Worried? Tara, it worked fine. (not convincingly) It's all good. TARA: (gets into bed) Hey, Will, this is me. It doesn't all have to be "good" and "fine." This is the room where you don't have to be brave. I still love you. If you're worried you can be worried. WILLOW: Well ... I'm not ... unworried. I mean, what, what happened, that was intense. (closes the door) That's ... gotta change you. Willow turns off the light, gets into bed with Tara. WILLOW: When Angel came back ... Buffy said ... he was wild. Like an animal. TARA: Buffy's not like that. WILLOW: Yeah. TARA: But? WILLOW: (points at her head) It's just kinda ... noisy up here tonight, you know? TARA: Yeah. Tara snuggles up to Willow, puts her face next to hers and an arm across Willow's middle. TARA: Is this better? WILLOW: (smiles) Yeah. I think it makes things quieter in here. They lie cuddled up together. Willow lightly stroking Tara's bare arm. TARA: You know what I think? I think we all just assumed crash positions. WILLOW: Huh? TARA: It's, it's, it's like ... we were all tensed up, like ... we were expecting it to screw up. We weren't prepared for it to ... actually go right. WILLOW: Yeah. b*at. Willow continues staring at the ceiling. WILLOW: Tara? TARA: Yeah? WILLOW: If things did go right ... wouldn't you think she'd be ... happier? Like, wouldn't you think she would be so happy that we brought her out? TARA: Sure she is. Willow isn't convinced. TARA: You thought she'd say thanks. Be more grateful. WILLOW: Would I be a terrible person if I said yes? TARA: Give her time. She'll get there. WILLOW: Right. No need to be in a big furry hurry. TARA: Exactly. Cut to Buffy's room. She is now sitting on the bed, still dressed. TARA VOICEOVER: I'm sure it's okay. Buffy gets up, picks up a picture from the bedside table. Close sh*t of the photo of Buffy, Xander, and Willow all smiling. She puts it back, goes over to the wall. There's a bulletin board covered with more pictures of the Scoobies in various combinations, all smiling. Suddenly the images change: all the flesh melts away and the smiling faces become d*ad skeleton faces. Buffy closes her eyes in anguish, opens them again. The photos are back to normal. Buffy stares at them. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the Summers house, night. sh*t of Willow and Tara's bed. They are asleep. Suddenly something crashes against the framed picture above the bed. The glass shatters and falls on Willow and Tara. They both sit up. WILLOW: Buffy? We see Buffy silhouetted at the foot of the bed, lit by moonlight. BUFFY: (low hoarse voice) What did you do? Do you know what you did? You're like children. (Willow and Tara sitting up in bed staring in fear) Your hands smell of death. Bitches! Filthy little bitches, rattling the bones. Did you cut the throat? Did you pat its head? Buffy grabs a crystal ball off a nearby table and throws it at them. Willow and Tara shriek as it smashes on the wall above their heads. BUFFY: (shouts) The blood dried on your hands, didn't it? TARA: Oh my god, oh my god. BUFFY: (shouts) You were stained. You still are. I know what you did! Willow jumps out of bed and turns on the lights. sh*t of the room. It's empty except for Willow and Tara. Buffy is gone. Tara looks at the bed she's lying on. TARA: The glass. There's no glass. Cut to Buffy's room. It's dark. A sliver of light appears as the door opens, revealing Buffy asleep in bed. We see Willow and Tara standing by the door. They exchange a look, then Willow pulls the door shut. Buffy doesn't wake. Cut back to Willow and Tara's room. They reenter. WILLOW: (quietly) Okay, what in the frilly heck is going on? TARA: Maybe we dreamed it. WILLOW: (closing the door) Right. Right. Wrong! (points at her head) Different brains. TARA: Oh yeah. Tara goes to the table and touches the crystal ball, which is intact. TARA: Well ... what was it talking about? Did you understand it? WILLOW: Well, I understood the words, but ... no. Suddenly Tara sees something behind Willow, gasps in fear. Willow turns to look. We see some kind of distortion on the wall, moving across the wall toward the door, and then it's gone. WILLOW:What was that? TARA: There's, there's something in the house. WILLOW: What is it after? Is it ... Buffy? TARA: I don't know. WILLOW: That's it, I'm gonna call. (grabs the phone) I hope Xander's up. Cut to Xander and Anya's bedroom. Anya leans over Xander in the bed. ANYA: Xander, are you up? I can't sleep. (pause, no response) Play a word game with me. Still no response. Pan out until we can see Xander lying there asleep beside Anya. ANYA: Xander, are you awake? Okay, I'm going to describe an adjective with accurate but misleading clues, and then you have to guess what it is. (pause) Xander? (pokes him) Xander? Still nothing. Then the phone rings. Xander is immediately awake. XANDER: Huh? What? Do what? ANYA: (exasperated, lies back) That oughta do it. Xander reaches across her and grabs the phone. XANDER: (into phone) Hello? WILLOW: (on phone) Xander, it's me, Willow. (Anya gets out of bed, walks off) We were just att*cked. XANDER: att*cked? A vampire? Cut back to Summers house. We see Willow and Tara huddling over the phone. WILLOW: No, it was Buffy. Or something that looked like her. Cut back to Xander's bedroom. He sits up on the edge of the bed. TARA: (on phone) Like she was possessed. Cut back to Willow and Tara. WILLOW: And then she just disappeared, a-and, and we saw something... a little ... there's something in the house. Back to Xander's room. In the background we see Anya moving around in the kitchen. XANDER: (slurred) In the house? All right, Willow, you need to get out of there, just get everyone out. Suddenly we see Anya with her eyes glowing greyish-white. She laughs a weird laugh and moves toward Xander. XANDER: (into phone) Wake up Buffy and Dawn. Don't make a big deal- We see Anya still moving toward him. She has a Kn*fe and is using it to cut her face. She continues laughing. Xander looks up and sees her. XANDER: Gah! He jumps up, grabs the Kn*fe. Anya crumples to the floor unconscious. Her cheeks are unmarked. XANDER: Anya! He kneels beside her. XANDER: Anya! sh*t of Anya's feet with Xander's foot beside them. A weird bulge appears in the carpet and moves away from them, into the kitchen. WILLOW: (on phone) Xander? Xander! Cut to the next day. Close on Xander's face. XANDER: Very bad. Very, very, very bad. Bad. Pan out to reveal they are sitting on lawn chairs in the Summers' backyard. Anya sits on the arm of Xander's chair, rubbing his back. ANYA: (to Willow and Tara) He's all traumatized. WILLOW: Well, whatever it is, it's not the, the traditional haunting, because i-it's not limited to one specific place, and there's not, you know, a d*ad person. TARA: Not any more. ANYA: I bet it's a hitchhiker. XANDER: A hitchhiker? ANYA: Um, standard way to travel through dimensions. Uh, some demon-thing sees someone moving between worlds, and grabs on for the ride. WILLOW: You mean like, some hell-beastie rode in with Buffy? Like ... we're responsible for this? TARA: Assume crash positions. ANYA: I think we shouldn't've brought Buffy back. I knew it was going to end badly. I should've said something. XANDER: Okay, fine, but ... what are we gonna do? I mean, I'm feeling the need for some vigorous doing, you know? WILLOW: It's okay. We, we just k*ll the beastie and then all is good. We're rolling in puppies! ... Right? XANDER: Can we do that? k*ll it? BUFFY: (OS) We k*lling something? They all look up in surprise. Buffy stands there in jeans and a shirt, holding a coffee mug. WILLOW: Buffy! You're not supposed to be up. TARA: How, how are you feeling? Are you okay? BUFFY: So what are we k*lling? ANYA: A demon you brought back from Hell with you. (Willow gives her an angry look) BUFFY: Oh. WILLOW: It's not like she's making it sound. A little haunting-type stuff. Boo-scary, everything's normal. TARA: You shouldn't worry about it. BUFFY: Um, I remember something, last ... night, uh... She trails off, loses focus. They all stare for a moment, waiting for her to continue. XANDER: Buff? BUFFY: (snaps out of it) Um ... the photographs. O-of us. They changed. TARA: How did they change? BUFFY: They were ... d*ad. I-I-I mean, we were d*ad. Like, um ... d*ad bodies? But, but then they were okay. So I just, you know, figured it was me. That I was going crazy. ANYA: Well, maybe you are. Going crazy. From Hell. Willow gives Anya another angry look. ANYA: (fake scoff) No. You're fine. WILLOW: You are. And Buffy, we're, we're so glad. XANDER: Yeah. This thing, this haunting thing, we'll fix it, and then we'll still have you back, which is ... it's so important. WILLOW: Yes. TARA: It's wonderful. Buffy takes all this in stone-faced. BUFFY: We should get to work. Cut to: interior magic shop. We see Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya sitting around the table looking at books. Willow is writing. Dawn stands behind Willow, looking over her shoulder. DAWN: What's the list? ANYA: Possible hitchhikers. XANDER: Demons that might have come out of Hell at the same time Buffy did. DAWN: (reads) "Skaggmore demons, Trellbane demons, Skitterers, Large and Small Bone-Eaters" ... If we get to pick, I say we go with the Small Bone-Eaters. ANYA: Well, that just means they prefer to eat things with small bones, like you. WILLOW: That's just what we have so far. Five species of demons that have been known to move transdimensionally. Two of them may be invisible in this dimension, and, uh, two others can perform spells to alter perception. ANYA: Well, that's four. What's the other one like? TARA: Uh, like the others, only dripping with viscous fluid. DAWN: Eww. XANDER: So, should we concentrate on how to k*ll those, or should we try to find more? WILLOW: I'm not sure. Maybe ... maybe some of us can, uh, keep going finding more, and the others-- BUFFY: I miss Giles. We see Buffy sitting across the table from Willow. WILLOW: Oh. He's coming back, I talked to him. I know I'm a kind of poor substitute, but until then, we'll get it done. Buffy looks around at them. They all look expectantly at her. BUFFY: I think I should patrol. She puts her book down and stands. Willow looks hurt. WILLOW: Well, I know we'll find something soon. BUFFY: Yeah. Buffy heads out. XANDER: Uh, do you want us to go with you? ANYA: We can do that. BUFFY: No. I-I need to go. Sorry. DAWN: You should go. Buffy goes up the stairs and out. DAWN: (OS) I'll be safe here with the others. Don't worry about me. Close-up on Dawn's face. Her eyes glow greyish-white. She smiles evilly. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a graveyard, night. Buffy walks slowly along, looking distracted. Cut to the magic shop. Anya enters, carrying cups of coffee. ANYA: I found one of those 24-hour places for coffee. Remember that bookstore? Well they became one of those books-and-coffee places, and now they're just coffee. It's like evolution, only without the getting-better part. She goes to the table where the others are still researching. Xander rubs his face, looking tired. Dawn stands a little ways back at the bookcase. ANYA: Uh, coffee, coffee, coffee, um, hot chocolate for Dawn. (to Dawn) You're too young for coffee. Dawn turns around and we see that her eyes are still white. DAWN: Idiot. Everyone turns to look at Dawn in surprise. ANYA: You can have my coffee. DAWN: (low hoarse voice) All of you did it. You stupid children. (the other all staring at her) Did you think the blood wouldn't reach you? I smell the death on you. Look at what you've done! Dawn opens her mouth and f*re sh**t out at the others. They all dive aside. The flames set some of the books on the table afire. Dawn collapses on the ground. Xander jumps up. XANDER: f*re! f*re! f*re! TARA: Dawn! Xander grabs a cushion from a chair, uses it to b*at out the flames. Anya bends over Dawn. WILLOW: Oh my god, oh my god. Willow goes to Tara and Dawn. Xander finishes putting out the f*re. Willow and Tara pull Dawn to a sitting position. WILLOW: That was it. Li-like Buffy, with f*re. We see the bulge thing under the floor, moving away. XANDER: Is she okay? ANYA: Did I look like that? I hope I didn't look like that. WILLOW: No, I'm sure you looked really glamorous cutting up your face. Dawn comes to. DAWN: What ... what is it? What's happening? WILLOW: You'll be okay. ANYA: I bet you'll experience some dry-mouth. (they all look at her) f*re. DAWN: Was it ... did the demon thing have me? TARA: It's okay. It's okay. XANDER: Yeah. It's gone. ANYA: Yes, but where did it go? I mean, evil things have plans. They have things to do. Cut to: interior of Spike's crypt. We're in the lower level. Spike paces back and forth restlessly. We see that there's more furniture now: a chair, a bookcase with a lamp on it, etc. Spike paces a bit, then suddenly turns around and punches the wall. He laughs a little, looks at his bloodied hand, laughs some more, a little hysterically. A noise from upstairs. Spike looks alarmed, picks up a dagger and removes it from its sheath. He goes to the ladder and climbs up. Cut to above. Spike emerges, moves slowly and quietly into the crypt, holding the dagger by his side. We see a person standing by a table, looking at some magazines that are spread out. SPIKE: Buffy. Buffy turns around and looks at him. Her expression is still basically blank. SPIKE: (quietly) You should be careful. Never know what kind of villain's got a Kn*fe at your back. BUFFY: Your hand is hurt. SPIKE: Hmm. (nods toward her hands) Same with you. BUFFY: (looks down at her hands) Right. Buffy just stands there. Spike looks at her, seems uncomfortable, not sure what to do. He walks over to the wall and puts the Kn*fe down. SPIKE: Willow's getting pretty strong, isn't she? Bringing you back. It's hard to get a good night's death around here. He tries a little laugh but gets no response. SPIKE: You can sit down. Got furniture. Buffy sits on a chair. SPIKE: You should see the downstairs, too, it's quite posh. She looks at him, doesn't say anything. Spike walks over, sighs, sits on the edge of a table across from her. Buffy just stares at him. SPIKE: Uh ... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. (pause) If I had done that ... even if I didn't make it ... you wouldn't have had to jump. b*at. Buffy still doesn't react, just sits there looking at him. SPIKE: But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again ... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways ... (softly) Every night I save you. Cut to: interior magic shop. Xander stands by the window, peering through the blinds. Tara comes over. XANDER: It's getting light out. Buffy's probably on her way home from patrolling. TARA: I like sunrise better when I'm getting up early than when I'm staying up late, you know? It's like ... I'm seeing it from the wrong side. XANDER: (nervous) Hey, Tara, this is probably crazy ... but Spike got me to thinking. This spell we did ... it's having consequences, isn't it? I mean ... it sure seems like it. And I was just wondering ... did you know that this might happen? TARA: No! XANDER: Do you think ... could someone have known? TARA: Willow is a talented witch, and she would never do anything to hurt anyone. XANDER: I know, I know, huh? (raises his hands) Backing off quickly, hands in the air. (sighs) I just meant- WILLOW: Thaumogenesis! Xander and Tara look over at Willow, who is at the counter, still looking through the books. We see Anya and Dawn with their heads on the table, jerking awake at Willow's shout. ANYA: She's possessed! WILLOW: Thaumogenesis. DAWN: (to Anya) You're right. Xander and Tara go over to Willow. WILLOW: I'm not possessed. I-I think I figured it out. This demon, i-it's not a demon we let out. It's, it's a demon that we made. XANDER: We made a demon? Bad us. WILLOW: Thaumogenesis is when doing a spell actually creates a being. In this case it was like, a, a side-effect, I guess. Like a price. DAWN: What? WILLOW: Think of it like, the world doesn't like you getting something for free, and we asked for this huge gift. Buffy. A-and so the world said, 'fine, but if you have that, you have to take this too.' And it made the demon. ANYA: Well, technically, that's not a price. That's a gift with purchase. DAWN: Um, but, if we made the demon, how come we can't see it? I mean, all we see is us. Doing stuff. WILLOW: Well, I, I think it's out of phase with this dimension. Like, its consciousness is here, but, but its body is caught in the ether between existing and not existing. TARA: It doesn't have a body, so it's borrowing ours. I-it borrowed Dawn and Anya... WILLOW: Or, or it's manifesting copies of them, like, like it did when Buffy came at us... TARA: It's using them to do stuff. To scare us, att*ck us. XANDER: So we need to uncreate it, right? We need to send it the rest of the way out of our world. WILLOW: Uh-huh. Except that ... it's linked to the spell. So, if we sent it away ... it would be like the spell doesn't exist. Like it never happened. DAWN: Like it never brought Buffy back. WILLOW: (softly) Yes. DAWN: You can't do that. (stands) You can't think for a second that you're going to do that. TARA: Dawn- Dawn walks over to Willow. DAWN: If you think you can give her back to me and then take her away again? No. That's worse than if you'd never brought her back. You can't mess with people's lives this way! WILLOW: Dawn, we're not going to do it that way. DAWN: (to the others) How can you let her do this? How can you even talk about letting her go? TARA: Honey, you're not listening. She said we will find another way. XANDER: We will. DAWN: Then do it! Willow has turned back to her book. WILLOW: Wait. Wait. Dawn. Everybody hold on. (smiles) ANYA: What? Why are you smiling? That's inappropriate. WILLOW: Because it's temporary. XANDER: What is? WILLOW: The demon. I-it's gonna dissipate. The only way for it to survive on this plane is if it were to k*ll the subject of the original spell. TARA: It would live if it k*lled Buffy? WILLOW: That's not gonna- Xander lifts his head and we see that his eyes are white. XANDER: Thanks for the tip. He collapses to the floor. Again we see the little bulge move across the floor toward a wall. Cut to: interior of the Summers house, night. Buffy opens the door and comes in, puts her keys on the table, starts up the stairs. Behind her, we see a white mist. It slowly coalesces into a vaguely human shape, reaching out arms toward Buffy as it moves up the stairs after her. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Buffy's darkened bedroom. Buffy comes in. She pauses to look at the pictures on the wall again. DEMON: (whispery voice) You don't belong here. Buffy turns to see the demon-mist floating in. Buffy punches at it, but her fist just goes through it. It sh**t out a tendril and hits her, and she flies back against some furniture. She recovers her balance, turns back around, and looks around in confusion. The mist reappears and Buffy punches at it again. The mist swirls around her and re-forms behind her. She turns and punches again. Still nothing. The demon hits her again and she stumbles out the door into the hallway, into the opposite wall. She turns and looks back at the door into her room. The mist is gone. Buffy walks cautiously back into the room. DEMON: (O.S.) Did they tell you, you belonged here? The mist reappears in front of Buffy, puts out a hand. She tries to grab the wrist, seems to almost have it, but then her hand just goes through it. DEMON: Did they say this was your home again? It disappears again, reappears. Buffy hits at it with no effect. It swirls around behind her while she's still looking for it in front of her. DEMON: Were you offered pretty lies, little girl? It swirls around her and wraps around her waist. It seems to be crushing her. DEMON: Or did they even give you a choice? Cut to Xander's car driving down the dark street. Xander is driving, Anya in the passenger seat, and Dawn in the back seat. DAWN: Xander! Drive faster! XANDER: I can't! DAWN: I could drive faster and I can't drive! ANYA: She's right, you're like a snail. A snail who's driving a car very slowly. Come on, give it the lead foot! We've got to help Buffy with that demon you sent after her! XANDER: I did not send the demon, I was possessed. The demon used me to eavesdrop on our conversation. ANYA: Great, so now what? We have to talk in some sort of anti-demon secret code? XANDER: Ood-gay idea-yay, An-yay. DAWN: Stop talking wrong in Pig Latin and drive! Buffy's in trouble! XANDER: It's okay, Dawnie. Willow and Tara are doing a spell. DAWN: You sure it won't send Buffy back? XANDER: No, of course not. It's just that she can't fight this thing if it's all ... misty, so they make it more solid, so Buffy can kick its fully embodied ass. DAWN: You sure it'll work? Cut to the magic shop. Willow and Tara sit on the floor facing each other, holding hands. Candles are lit around them. WILLOW/TARA: Child of words, hear thy makers. Child of words, we entreat. With our actions did we make thee, to our voices wilt thou bend. Cut back to Buffy's room. Buffy is still struggling in the grip of the demon, squeezing her around the stomach. She curls her hands into fists and manages to break free, swings at the demon. It hits her and she falls on the bed, rolls off the side onto the floor. The demon stands still. It seems to be becoming more solid. Buffy lies on the floor, stares up at it. Cut back to the magic shop. WILLOW/TARA: With our potions thou took motive, with our motions came to pass. We rescind no past devotions, give thee substance, give thee mass. Cut back to Buffy's room. She reaches under the bed and produces a battle-axe, starts to get up. DEMON: You're the one who's barely here. Set on this earth like a bubble. Buffy swings the axe at the demon without any effect. And again. The face is a little clearer now. The demon stops swirling and confronts Buffy. For the first time we can actually see its mouth move when it talks. DEMON: You won't even disturb the air when you go. Xander, Anya, and Dawn rush in, see the demon and react with fear. Buffy turns and sees them. BUFFY: Go! Take Dawn out of here! Cut back to the magic shop. Willow has her eyes closed and her face turned upward. Tara continues chanting, not realizing that Willow has stopped. TARA: Child of words, hear thy makers. Child of words, we en...treat... Tara trails off as she notices Willow. A haze of golden light gathers around Willow. She pulls her hands out of Tara's. Her eyes snap open. They are completely black. WILLOW: Solid. Cut back to Buffy's room. The demon suddenly becomes fully solid. It looks like the rotting corpse of a woman, taller than Buffy. Buffy tries to h*t it with the axe but the demon grabs the axe handle. They struggle over it for a moment, then the demon lets go and hits Buffy, making her drop the axe. She turns back and the demon hits her again. Buffy goes down. Xander, Dawn, and Anya are still in the doorway, watching fearfully, clutching each other. Buffy picks up the axe, jumps up from the floor, and swings. sh*t of the demon's head bouncing across the floor. Xander, Dawn, and Anya all give little yelps of dismay. Dawn turns her face away, grabbing Xander's arms. Buffy looks down at the demon's body (which we don't see). DAWN: (to Xander) That's probably the sort of thing I'm not supposed to see, right? Anya pats Dawn on the shoulder. Cut to: overhead sh*t of Sunnydale, day. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the Summers house. It's a bright sunny day, birds chirping, etc. Dawn comes out the front door, dressed for school. She walks down the steps, starts down the walk. Buffy opens the door. BUFFY: Dawn! Dawn turns back. DAWN: (alarmed) What's wrong? Buffy comes down the stairs, holding a brown paper bag. BUFFY: Lunch. DAWN: (smiling happily) You made me lunch? (takes the lunchbag) Wow. Thanks. BUFFY: (solemn) You better go. You've been out since ... I got back. And you know what they say. Those of us who fail history? Doomed to repeat it in summer school. They both give small smiles. Dawn hugs Buffy. DAWN: (whispers) Thank you. Dawn pulls out of the hug. DAWN: Are you okay? BUFFY: I'm going to start charging money for every person that asks me that. DAWN: Everyone's been doing that, huh? BUFFY: A little bit. DAWN: It's because they care about you a lot. When you were gone ... it was bad when you were gone. But it'll be better now. Now that they can see you being happy. (pause) That's all they want. Dawn turns and walks off. Buffy watches, thoughtful. Cut to: interior magic shop. Tara is sitting on a chair and Willow standing, both putting books on shelves. The door bell jingles. Willow turns and smiles. WILLOW: Buffy! Hey! Buffy enters, walks in. We see Xander and Anya there as well. XANDER: Hey, you get Dawn off to school all right? 'Cause I was thinking, if you need help picking her up, I... BUFFY: It's okay. I got it. (nervous) Look, you guys, um, there's this thing ... so I'm just gonna say it. They all look expectantly at her. BUFFY: You brought me back. I was in a ... I was in hell. I, um ... I can't think too much about what it was like. But it felt like the world abandoned me there. And then suddenly ... you guys did what you did. TARA: It was Willow. She knew what to do. (Willow looks embarrassed) BUFFY: Okay. So you did that. And the world came rushing back. Thank you. You guys gave me the world. I can't tell you what it means to me. Willow has tears in her eyes. BUFFY: And I should have said it before. WILLOW: (tearful) You're welcome. Willow hugs Buffy. XANDER: Welcome home, Buffy. Xander puts his arms around the two of them. They all hug. Buffy's expression is still less than thrilled. Cut to the back alley behind the magic shop. Buffy comes out, closes the door behind her, slowly walks a few steps, thinking. SPIKE: Buffy. Buffy looks up, sees Spike standing in the alley. BUFFY: (frowns) Spike, it's daylight and you're- SPIKE: Not on f*re? (looks at the sky) Sun's low enough, shady enough here. Buffy folds her arms around her middle. SPIKE: I was gonna go inside, but I overheard you and the Super-friends exchanging a special moment and I came over a bit queasy. Buffy wipes hair out of her face, doesn't seem to be listening. SPIKE: Say, aren't you leaving a hole in the middle of some soggy group hug? BUFFY: Just wanted a little time alone. She walks over, sits on a packing crate a few feet away from Spike. SPIKE: Oh, uh, right then. He gets up, starts to walk away, reaches the line of shadow, realizes he can't leave the alley without going into the sunlight. He stops, squints at the sky. BUFFY: That's okay. I can be alone with you here. SPIKE: Thanks ever so. He gives a rueful smile, looks back at her. BUFFY: Right. b*at. SPIKE: Buff? ... Slayer? Are you okay? She isn't, but she composes herself and nods at him. BUFFY: I'm here. I'm good. SPIKE: (walks back to her) Buffy, if you're in ... if you're in pain ... or if you need anything... or if I can do anything for you... BUFFY: (looks down at her lap) You can't. SPIKE: Well, I haven't been to a hell dimension just of late, but I do know a thing or two about torment. He sits beside her. BUFFY: (still looking down) I was happy. Spike looks at her in confusion. BUFFY: Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. Spike stares, shocked. BUFFY: I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? (glances at him, then away) And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven. Spike continues to stare at her in dismay. BUFFY: And now I'm not. (almost tearful) I was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friends. (Spike continues staring, listening) Everything here is ... hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ... (softly) knowing what I've lost... She looks up, realizes Spike is still there. She looks uncomfortable, gets up. She walks just to the line where the shadows become sunlight, and pauses, but doesn't turn back to face Spike. BUFFY: They can never know. Never. She still doesn't look back at him, just continues walking into the sunlight. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x03 - After Life"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy entering the living room. BUFFY: Mom? Joyce lying on the sofa. Paramedics working on Joyce. PARAMEDIC: I'm sorry, your mother's d*ad. Buffy reacting. XANDER: Anya, you wanna marry me? Anya staring at Xander as he holds out the ring. Buffy running across the platform on the tower, jumping into the wormhole. The g*ng gathering around Buffy's d*ad body. Xander reading from Giles's note. XANDER: 'I've gone. Not one for long goodbyes, I thought it best to slip out quietly. Love to you all, Giles.' Giles at the airport, turning away. WILLOW: There he goes. Giles's plane taking off. WILLOW: Guys, I need you on board here. XANDER: This is deep stuff, Willow. We're talking about raising the d*ad. WILLOW: It's time we stop talking. TARA: What if something does go wrong? WILLOW: I can do this. I promise. But not without you. The ritual at Buffy's grave. WILLOW: Osiris, here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over! Willow surrounded by orange light. WILLOW: Release her! Buffy's corpse regenerating itself. Scruffy Buffy in an alley, backing away from the Scoobies. WILLOW: It was Buffy, right? We saw her, and it was really Buffy. ANYA: I think we screwed it up. WILLOW: No! She's just disoriented from being tormented in some hell dimension. Dawn, Buffy, and Spike in the house. DAWN: She's been through a lot. SPIKE: What did you do? Spike and Buffy in the alley. SPIKE: I haven't been to a hell dimension just of late, but I do know a thing or two about torment. BUFFY: Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. I think I was in heaven. I was torn out of there ... by my friends. Everything here is hard ... and violent. This is hell. Episode opens on Buffy walking slowly through a dark room, looking around cautiously. Sounds of dripping water. Buffy frowns, continues looking around. We see stairs in the background; she's in a basement. She notices something, looks satisfied, walks over and stares upward. We see she's holding a wrench. BUFFY: So. We meet at last, Mister Drippy. Pan wider to reveal a pipe that's dripping water. Stairs to above are in the background. Buffy raises the wrench, climbs up on something and begins fitting the wrench to the pipe. Dawn appears from above, comes halfway down the stairs and sits on them. DAWN: Want me to call a plumber? BUFFY: (turning wrench with great effort) No. DAWN: You sure? BUFFY: Yes. DAWN: (holds up cordless phone) Got the number. Buffy turns to face Dawn, exasperated. BUFFY: Dawn, I'm on it, okay? Dawn shrugs skeptically. Buffy gives the pipe one last twist. The dripping stops. Buffy smiles with satisfaction. BUFFY: Ah. A b*at. Groaning noises. Suddenly water begins to spray from a dozen different places all over the basement. Several jets of water spray directly on Dawn, soaking her. Dawn shrieks and runs up the stairs. Buffy stands still, sighs. BUFFY: There. All better. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Special Guest Star: Anthony Stewart Head. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Todd Stashwick, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson, directed by Douglas Petrie. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the kitchen, day. Dawn stands at the door to the basement, looking down. Sound of running water. DAWN: Man. How much water can they fit in one set of pipes? Cut to wider sh*t. We see Willow at the center island pouring a bowl of cereal, Tara moving around the kitchen. In the foreground we see Buffy staring at the sink as if mesmerized. TARA: If I understand right? The entire city water supply. WILLOW: It's like little clown cars in the circus. DAWN: (sitting at the island) Told you we should have called the plumber. BUFFY: (still staring) You were right. The plumber will make everything good. Close sh*t of what Buffy's staring at. It's the kitchen sink. The faucet is running. The water drains out normally. Buffy continues to watch the water flow. TARA: Dawnie, you're not eating breakfast? Dawn looks around at the food, makes a face. BUFFY: (still mesmerized by the faucet) Dawn, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Dawn looks over at Buffy. sh*t of Buffy's back (Dawn POV). BUFFY: (still distractedly) It's unbelievably important. You should eat breakfast at least three times a day. Another sh*t of the running water. Willow comes over and turns off the faucet, gives Buffy a concerned look. Buffy looks at her. DAWN: I'll, um, grab something before school. (Tara nods) Xander and another guy emerge from the basement. All the women turn to look at them. XANDER: And a big Sunnydale round of applause for Tito the Amazing, plumber extraordinaire. TARA: So how's everything looking down there? XANDER: Like we should start gathering up two of every animal. TITO: Basically, your pipes are sh*t. I mean, the whole system's gonna have to be replaced. What you need is a full copper re-pipe job. Willow comes over and Tito gives her a piece of paper. WILLOW: Full copper re-pipe? That sounds potentially pricey. TITO: Well, if you have any questions, our number's on the invoice. Tito pats Xander on the shoulder and exits. Dawn goes over to Willow, looks at the invoice before Willow pulls it away. DAWN: That's a weird phone number. Oh, wait. (to Xander) Is that the bill? XANDER: Hey. Tito cut you a good deal down there. Those are his bargain prices. I did a little haggling for you. BUFFY: Thank you. So we'll pay him, what's the big deal? The others exchange looks. WILLOW: Um ... Buffy, I-I know you're still getting back on your feet after... BUFFY: Lying flat on my back? WILLOW: Yeah. Uh, but there's some money stuff we're gonna have to talk to you about. Cut to the living room. Buffy sits on the sofa looking at piles of paper all over the coffee-table. She has some more paper in her hands. She gives a disbelieving laugh and throws the papers down. BUFFY: Okay ... so you're telling me I'm broke? We see Tara and Willow sitting across from Buffy, with Dawn in the background. WILLOW: Not yet, but ... TARA: Money's definitely becoming an issue. XANDER: As in your being almost out of it. We see Xander sitting beside Willow and Tara. Anya sits at a desk off to the side, writing something. BUFFY: But I haven't spent any money. I was all ... d*ad and frugal. WILLOW: I-I know, this comes as a bit of a shock after ... a bit of a shock, but ... it took us by surprise too. TARA: Your mother prepared everything really well. She had insurance ... (nervously) life insurance. XANDER: Which should have left you covered, but ... hospital bills. WILLOW: Pretty much sucked up all the money. ANYA: Which you're still hemorrhaging, by the way. BUFFY: (confused) How am I doing that? ANYA: No, not you, the house. Uh, see, this house, just sitting here, doing nothing, um, by itself costs money. DAWN: (worried) So, what do we do? BUFFY: Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. (Dawn continues looking worried) Plus, f*re? Pretty. Everyone stares at her. BUFFY: You guys, I'm kidding. Okay, it's, it's bills, it's money. It's pieces of paper sent by bureaucrats that we've never even met. It's not like it's the end of the world. She thinks about that for a moment. BUFFY: Which is too bad, you know, 'cause that, I'm really good at. Dawn still looks worried. BUFFY: (to Dawn) I'll take care of this. I promise. I ... just don't know how yet. Anya looks like she really wants to say something. She pauses, takes a deep breath, speaks too loudly. ANYA: I know how. Everyone looks at her. ANYA: Um ... i-i-if you wanna pay every bill here, and every bill coming, and ... have enough to start a nice college fund for Dawn? (big smile) Start charging. BUFFY: (irritated) For what? ANYA: Slaying vampires! (Xander looks embarrassed) Well, you're providing a valuable service to the whole community. I say cash in. Awkward pause. Xander still looks uncomfortable. Anya doesn't pick up on it. BUFFY: (carefully) Well, that's an idea ... you would have. Any other suggestions? ANYA: (softly) Well, I mean, it's, it's not *so* crazy. DAWN: Yes it is! You can't charge innocent people for saving their lives. ANYA: Spiderman does. DAWN: He does not! ANYA: Does too. DAWN: Does no- Dawn stops herself, calms down a little. DAWN: Xander? Anya looks at Xander. He continues looking uncomfortable. XANDER: (reluctantly) Action is his reward. Dawn gives Anya a "told you so" look. Anya looks annoyed, stands up. ANYA: (angrily) Why don't you ever take my side? She exits. XANDER: What are you talking about, taking your side? Anya, I *am* your side! Xander runs out after Anya. Willow watches them go with a small smile, then turns to Buffy. WILLOW: You're throwin' away a gold mine. Cut to the street. Anya strides angrily down the sidewalk. Xander comes down the steps and hurries after her. XANDER: Come on! Wait up. Anya! He runs in front of her. XANDER: What's wrong with you? ANYA: Why don't you ask your best friend Spiderman? You know, if you're not going to support me- XANDER: I'm supportive! I'm totally supportive! I'm a flying buttress of support! ANYA: No you're not. She looks down. Xander sighs. XANDER: This is because I haven't told them yet about the engagement, isn't it? ANYA: (scoffs) No. Maybe. Yes! (whines) It's painful and confusing! I mean, first you, you give me this beautiful ring (holds up the box with the ring in it) ...and then I can't even wear it in public. I mean, do you know how depressing that is? XANDER: Anya, I promise, your waiting days are almost over. I, I know it's frustrating ... but the way I understand this marriage thing, it's kind of a forever deal. ANYA: Not if you never get started. (softly) I mean, don't you want to get married? XANDER: Yes. ANYA: So then why won't you tell them? XANDER: (sighs, gestures) Because ... I'm still getting used to the miracle of a steady paycheck. And getting out of my parents' house. And this ... this husband thing ... it's a big step. Or ... a lot of little ones. And ... and I love you so much ... I just want ... every step to be just right. ANYA: (hopefully) Really? He nods. Anya walks up close to him and kisses him. They put arms around each other and continue kissing for a long moment. Suddenly Anya pulls away. ANYA: (yells) Hey! You tricked me! Just now, w-with your fancy talk and, and lips! You keep doing this, and I keep forgetting, and you keep stalling! She turns and stalks off angrily. XANDER: Anya! ANYA: (continues walking) When are you going to grow up, Xander? Xander stares after her. BUFFY VOICEOVER: There's a first time for everything is my philosophy. Cut to Buffy sitting in an office. There are glass windows through which we can see people moving around. Buffy wears a conservative skirt-suit and her hair is pulled back in a neat bun. She smiles widely. The next series of sentences are intercut together in separate takes. BUFFY: This is my first big loan. (cut) Collateral? No problem. (cut) No problem. (cut) No problem. (cut) I love that tie. (cut) I'm a problem solver. (cut) Let's crunch those numbers! The final cut finds her staring down at herself looking annoyed. BUFFY: (mutters) Stupid skirt. She turns as a man enters the office. Buffy puts on her biggest smile, stands. BUFFY: Hello. MR. SAVITSKY: Sorry to keep you waiting. Carl Savitsky. Loan Officer. He sits behind the desk across from Buffy. She sits also. BUFFY: Buffy Summers. Loan applier-for. He smiles but doesn't seem amused. Buffy plunges on. BUFFY: I, I didn't know exactly what you would need, so, um, I brought everything. (hands him a thick folder) I'm very responsible in that way. He begins looking through the papers in the folder. MR. SAVITSKY: Okay. I don't think I'll need this ... or these. Old report cards, definitely not. Buffy smiles nervously. He continues looking at the papers, putting most of them aside. BUFFY: So ... about my getting a loan. MR. SAVITSKY: Yes, well, uh, it looks as if, financially, uh, we have a bit of a tangle. BUFFY: I know. And I figured you could just, you know, cut through that tangle with scissors. You know, where the loan is the scissors? (makes scissors motion with her hand) MR. SAVITSKY: (still not amused) Ms. Summers, the only collateral you have is your house, which was never fully leveraged, and has been losing equity over the last several years. For some reason, Sunnydale property values have never been competitive, and ... re-financing's out of the question... Buffy's face falls as she realizes the news is bad. He gives her a little sympathetic smile. BUFFY: Are you saying you won't give me my loan? MR. SAVITSKY: Well, the problem is, you have no income. No job. Suddenly the body of another man crashes through the glass window and lands on the desk. Sounds of screaming. Broken glass everywhere. Buffy jumps up, looks out at the main bank area. People are running around screaming. A large demon stands in the middle of the room. He gives a loud roar. BUFFY: (to herself) No job? (pouts) I wish. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. The demon is roaring and throwing people around. BUFFY: (OS) Hey! The demon turns around to find Buffy behind him. BUFFY: Are you in the wrong line? (points) That's for deposits, (points) that's for withdrawals, and this one ... is for getting kicked in the face. She goes to kick the demon but can't move her legs. Pan down and we see that her long, tight skirt is restricting her movements. BUFFY: (worried) Stupid skirt. The demon hits her, hard. She goes flying back through the glass-less window and lands on Mr. Savitsky's desk. Mr. Savitsky pokes his head up from hiding behind the desk. Buffy sees a pencil-holder on the desk with only one thing left in it. BUFFY: May I? Mr. Savitsky nods. Buffy takes out the letter-opener. She uses it to cut a slit in her skirt, freeing her legs. Puts the letter opener back and gets up. The demon comes forward and Buffy kicks him back. She blocks a couple of punches, kicks him again. He surges right back and she blocks a couple more punches, ducks another punch, punches him in the face. Fight noises continue as we see a close-up of someone's hands grabbing the money out of the teller drawers and putting it in a bag. We don't see the person's face, just the hands. Cut back to the fight. Buffy raises her hands to swing, and the demon grabs her, lifts her up onto his shoulder. She kicks and hits his back as he carries her. Suddenly we hear a g*n. Both Buffy and the demon look over to a bank security guard standing there pointing his g*n at them. He looks very nervous. GUARD: Put the girl down. The demon throws Buffy at the guard. She crashes into him and they both fall to the ground. As Buffy gets up to a sitting position, we see a couple of other male customers attacking the demon and getting quickly beaten up. Buffy picks up the g*n. BUFFY: (to guard) These things? Never helpful. She tosses the g*n away. In the background the demon is still fighting off various other people. The g*n hits the floor and goes off. Buffy and the guard duck. The demon runs for the door, shoving another guy into Buffy's path as she tries to pursue him. By the time she gets the guy out of her way, the demon has escaped. Buffy stares after him in frustration. Then she gives a determined frown. Cut to Mr. Savitsky's office. Buffy storms in, puts her hands on the desk which is still covered with broken glass. BUFFY: (panting) Now, about my loan. Mr. Savitsky slowly raises his head to look at her. He's still hiding behind the desk. BUFFY: I'm not saying I'm charging you for saving your life or anything, but ... let's talk rates. Mr. Savitsky looks at her. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the Magic Box, night. WILLOW: (O.S.) He still turned you down?! That's crazy! Cut to inside. Buffy is punching the punching bag while Willow sits nearby talking. WILLOW: I mean, even if the bank did get robbed, which, you battling demons couldn't possibly know ... you would think there would be some kind of reward. Buffy continues hitting the bag hard and fast. WILLOW: But no, they're like, "Oh, we're not gonna give you money unless you prove you don't need it." I mean, what kind of system is that? BUFFY: (pauses) You're asking the wrong gal. She resumes punching. WILLOW: (surprised) Hey. (gets down, goes over to her) Buffy, you're mad. BUFFY: (stops punching) You noticed. (shrugs) It'll pass. (resumes punching) WILLOW: No! Anger ... is a big, powerful emotion you should feel. BUFFY: (stops punching) Well ... that's good then. Buffy stands there, steadying the punching bag with her hands. She shrugs. BUFFY: It's gone now. WILLOW: Okay ... uh, let me make you mad again. Uh ... ready? Um ... (thinks, gets an idea) Last semester, I slept with Riley. Buffy gives her a dubious look. BUFFY: And you know I really doubt it. WILLOW: Caught me. Big fib. To ... cover up the sleazy affair I had with Angel. (smiles proudly) BUFFY: (frowning) Will ... what the hell are you doing? WILLOW: Pissing you off. BUFFY: Yes, true. Why? WILLOW: Well, 'cause, you know, since you've ... been back, you haven't exactly been big with ... the whole range of human emotions thing. BUFFY: (blankly) What do you mean? WILLOW: (fidgets) Well, you haven't ... no, I mean it's just, um ... (Buffy still looks blank. Willow gives up) You know, this is really ... my problem. (backing away) I'm just, I'm all over the place and, you should just, uh, forget I even said anything, cause, cause, (sits back down) well, 'cause you know... banks, man. Willow nods agreement with herself, looks at Buffy for agreement. Buffy just returns to punching. ANYA: (O.S.) Don't be such a wiener dog. Cut to the main magic shop room. Anya and Xander sit at a table with books open in front of them. ANYA: Look at them. (sh*t of Tara and Dawn at the other side of the room, making a pile of books) Researching demons for the billionth time. They could use a ... peppy boost of happy news. XANDER: (nods, nervously) You're right. I'll tell them. He stands up halfway, reconsiders, sits back down with a glance toward the back. XANDER: As soon as Buffy and Willow come in. ANYA: (exasperated) Chicken. XANDER: Would you stop? ANYA: Dare you. XANDER: Anya. If I tell them we're engaged right after you dared me to ... wouldn't you always wonder if that's the only reason I did it? Anya thinks about this, realizes he's right. ANYA: Oh. XANDER: Score one for Captain Logic. ANYA: No, no. Captain Logic is not steering this tugboat. I smell Captain Fear at the wheel! (lowers her voice as Tara and Dawn move toward them) God, I hate this. This tone in my voice? I dislike it more than you do, and I'm closer to it! Tara and Dawn come over to the table and put down some more books. Tara sits. DAWN: Oh come on, Tara. I am so old enough to do research. Do you really think I'm not mature enough? TARA: I think you're very mature for your age ... but you're still only fifteen. DAWN: Right, fifteen. As in *teen*ager. You know, if you don't let me look at the pictures, I'm gonna learn everything I know about demons on the street. Tara sighs, hands her a book. TARA: Knock yourself out. DAWN: Thank you. See? (sits) No biggie. I can totally handle it. She opens the book and checks out the first page. DAWN: That's a weird place for a horn. She looks again, slowly closes the book. DAWN: (quietly) That's not a horn. XANDER: (quickly) You know, I still don't get it. I mean, what kind of a demon would rob a bank? ANYA: The kind that wants money. XANDER: What do you even call that? DAWN: This? She holds up a book, turned to a picture of a demon. DAWN: I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like "Mmm, cookies." XANDER: Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh...(lamely) Fashnik. Buffy and Willow emerge from the back room. Dawn holds up the book toward Buffy. DAWN: This your guy? BUFFY: (to Dawn) You do research now? Want a cappuccino and a pack of cigarettes to go with it? DAWN: Would you just look at the picture? XANDER: Doesn't exactly fit the profile for your typical bank robber. BUFFY: Maybe they turned down his loan application. (smiles at Willow, then looks at Dawn's book) That's him. Big bad. This thing was strong, guys. No w*apon that I could see, but ... Buffy notices something across the room, stares that way as her mouth finishes the sentence on its own. BUFFY: ... still ... real ... dangerous. The others turn to see what she's looking at. Reveal Giles standing by the door, holding a couple of suitcases, staring at Buffy. Buffy stares back. Giles puts down his bags, comes forward. Buffy walks forward until they are face-to-face. GILES: (smiling) Oh God, Buffy. He hugs her. She hugs him back, closes her eyes. GILES: You're alive. You're here. And you're still ... (strained) ...remarkably strong. BUFFY: Huh? Oh. (lets him go) Sorry. GILES: Willow told me, but I didn't really let myself believe ... BUFFY: I take a little getting used to. I'm still getting used to me. GILES: It's, uh ... you're ... BUFFY: A miracle? GILES: Yes. But then, I always thought so. Giles puts his hand on Buffy's cheek and looks at her fondly. The others watch, smiling. Cut to: the street, night. The M'Fashnik demon walks along, growling softly. Cut to the workout room. Giles and Buffy stand facing each other, a little awkward. GILES: So ... (punches the punching bag lightly) BUFFY: I can start. How was England? (sits) How was ... life? GILES: Uh, I'm not really sure how to answer that. Um, well, I arrived home, I, uh, met with the Council. BUFFY: Always a good time. GILES: Yes. Otherwise, there's, uh, nothing really to report. I, um, I keep a flat in Bath. I, I, uh, met with a few old friends. Almost made a new one, which I think is ... statistically impossible for a man of my age. He takes off his jacket, tosses it onto the sofa. BUFFY: And now you're back. GILES: Yes. BUFFY: Wow. Giles, are you miserable about it, or just really British? GILES: (smiles, takes off his glasses) I can't lie to you, Buffy. (sits beside her) Um ... leaving Sunnydale was, uh, was difficult. And, uh, coming back was... BUFFY: I'm guessing the word is "inconvenient"? GILES: No. Bewildering. Buffy looks down. Giles puts a hand on her shoulder. GILES: And how are you? Really? You look tired. BUFFY: Me? Nah. Fine. Giles gives her a look and she drops the act. BUFFY: I mean, yeah, you know, sleeping's hard, but ... just because of the whole waking up in a box thing. So maybe waking up's the problem. You know, but just for a second. I sleep okay. Great even. Except, you know, for the dreams ... She trails off, looks away again. GILES: You seem to be doing remarkably well under extreme circumstances. I'm proud of you. BUFFY: Well, actually, it wasn't me. Willow brought me back. I just lay there. GILES: You-you know -- I meant - BUFFY: I know what you meant. It was just a little post-post-mortem comedy. Giles smiles a little. Buffy gets up. BUFFY: Well, I, I, uh, better start prepping. The slayage. She begins wrapping protective bandages on her hands. Giles stands up too. GILES: Yes, there is always that, isn't there? (picks up his jacket) BUFFY: Seems that way. Giles looks at her, leaves. Cut to the main magic shop room. Giles emerges from the back. The others are still sitting around the table, except Anya, who is standing. ANYA: Giles! Anya goes to Giles and gives him a big hug. He smiles. ANYA: We're so glad to see you. We missed you. (pulls back to look at him) You can't have the store back. GILES: I know. ANYA: You signed papers. GILES: I did. And, do we have information on this new demon that I suddenly find so desperately interesting? Giles gently moves Anya aside and goes over to the table. XANDER: That we do. WILLOW: This one robs banks. GILES: Oh. DAWN: I found him. (gives Giles the book) GILES: (looks at book) M'Fashnik. Oh. DAWN: Aha! Like Mmm, cookies. GILES: Uh, no, quite different, actually. TARA: You know it? GILES: By reputation, yes. They, they come from a long line of mercenary demons that perform acts of slaughter and mayhem for the highest bidder. XANDER: Well, it is the American way. GILES: Yes, but, uh, the question now becomes, what's out there powerful enough to control one of these things? Cut to: a basement somewhere. The M'Fashnik demon angrily shoves over a pile of boxes that look like they recently held computer or electronics equipment. He points a finger and speaks to someone we don't see. DEMON: We had a deal. You got what you wanted. Now give me what I want. The head of the Slayer. Now we do see who he's talking to: the Geek Trio. They are Jonathan (see episodes "Earshot," "Superstar," and others), Warren ("I Was Made To Love You"), and Andrew. They sit on beanbag chairs, each holding a stack of money. Behind them is a large TV. They look up at the demon in surprise. WARREN: Okay. JONATHAN: Sure. ANDREW: We can do that. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. The demon paces back and forth in front of the Geek Trio. DEMON: You hired me to create chaos and carnage for you. Told me you were powerful men, commanding machines, magicks, the demon realms below. WARREN: We are. ANDREW: Yuh-huh. JONATHAN: We're like, Super Villains. They all laugh dorky super-villain laughs. DEMON: Which of you is the leader? ANDREW/JONATHAN/WARREN: (unison) I am. DEMON: I will k*ll the leader. ANDREW/JONATHAN/WARREN: (unison, pointing at each other) He is. DEMON: I will k*ll you all. JONATHAN: Wait! Uh! No fair! Jonathan gets up, goes over to confront the demon. JONATHAN: It's not our fault the Slayer was there. We said we'd pay you, and we're gonna. Jonathan waves money in the demon's face. Warren jumps up, comes over and goes to his knees beside Jonathan. Andrew does the same. WARREN: Yes! Truly, Lord Jonathan is the wisest of us all. ANDREW: Uh, yeah, long live our noble lord and master. JONATHAN: You guys suck. The demon grabs Jonathan by the throat and lifts him off his feet. DEMON: You can't pay me with paper, tiny king. You pitted me against the Slayer. For that, I must k*ll you. Andrew and Warren snicker and grin at each other. DEMON: Then I will suck dry your bones and use them to b*at your subjects to death. Andrew and Warren look alarmed, jump to their feet. WARREN: Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, big guy, hey, let's back things up a parsec, okay. You k*ll us ... everybody loses. You let us live, we give you... DEMON: Give me what? JONATHAN: (choking) Name it! The demon drops Jonathan, who falls to the floor choking and gasping. He slowly straightens up. WARREN: Well, between the three of us, we can pretty much do anything. JONATHAN: Like, you want a spell to make you look super-cool to the other demons? (grins) I'm all over that action, my friend. WARREN: Or, just throwing it out there, robot girlfriend. Huh? For those long, lonely nights after a hard day's slaughter? DEMON: (interested) You can do this? Jonathan and Warren nod. ANDREW: Don't trust him. Robo-pimp daddy's all mouth. WARREN: Shut up, Andrew! You're just mad I wouldn't build you Christina Ricci. ANDREW: You owe me, man. WARREN: Oh, or else what? You'll train another pack of devil-dogs to ruin my prom? Ha! Graduated! ANDREW: That wasn't me! How many times do I have to say it? The prom thing was my lame-o brother, Tucker. JONATHAN: Yeah, well tell him I was at that prom. ANDREW: Hello! Screen-wipe, new scene. (makes screen-wipe gesture) I had nothing to do with the devil dogs. I trained flying demon monkeys to att*ck the school play. School play, dude! b*at. Warren and Jonathan hold their angry looks for a moment, then break and grin at each other, nodding. WARREN: (grinning) That was cool. That was kinda cool. JONATHAN: (laughs) Remember, everyone was like, "Run, Juliet!" They all grin, nod at each other, laugh their dorky laughs again. DEMON: (roars) ENOUGH! The three geeks shut up, look scared. He advances on them, and they back up. DEMON: Nothing you can offer me will satisfy your debt to me. I don't want your toys, or your spells, flying monkey-demons. (yelling) I want the Slayer d*ad! ANDREW: (nervous) Okay. JONATHAN: (nervous) Done. WARREN: (nervous) One d*ad Slayer, coming up. Um, could you just give us a minute? DEMON: For what? WARREN: Well ... we just really wanna nail down the optimum method for us to wipe out the Slayer for you. The geeks turn away to confer together. DEMON: Make sure it involves ... pain. The demon grins evilly. BUFFY: (O.S.) I know they're ... so cute you could die, but... Cut to the Summers living room. Buffy stands holding up a pillow to Giles. The pillow case is decorated in bright kiddie patterns. On the coffee-table is a pile of similar sheets. BUFFY: ...it's all I got. GILES: (laughs) Think nothing of it. It's, it's, uh, whimsical. Giles takes the pillow, tosses it onto the sofa. Buffy begins unfolding a sheet. BUFFY: They were mine when I was little. Couldn't find the guest sheets. (quietly) Mom always did this stuff. Buffy kneels, tries to fit the sheet onto the sofa. BUFFY: They don't actually fit. Giles leans over, helps to make the bed. BUFFY: I blame the sofa. (stands) We need one of those pull-out kinds. The kind with no payments 'til two-thousand-and-infinity. GILES: What? BUFFY: Oh, it's ... just money stuff. (sits on coffee table) It turns out ... Mom left me some, and while I was d*ad, it got squandered on luxuries like ... food and clothing. GILES: (sits on sofa) How bad is it? BUFFY: Anya says pretty bad. I'm kinda taking her word for it. Actually, I'm kinda trying to not think about it. GILES: Sound policy. At least for tonight. BUFFY: Figured I'd put it out of my mind. You know, take a break. Get some perspective ... and then wake up at four a.m. terrified. Buffy moves to sit on the sofa beside Giles, holding the top-sheet against her chest. She sighs. GILES: Buffy, perhaps you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I mean, to return from some ... unknown level of Hell ... it's only natural that coming back ... will be a process. BUFFY: In the meantime, I'm scaring people. GILES: Well, that can take time, too. Buffy stares into the distance as Giles looks at her with concern. GILES: Well, if it's any consolation, life can be ... pretty overwhelming even for people who haven't been ... where you have. BUFFY: (softly) I guess. GILES: Look, tomorrow morning, you and I will sit down together and we'll go through everything. Every bill, one by one. We'll work it out together. Buffy looks at him. They gaze at each other. BUFFY: I'm glad you're back. GILES: Well, I'm glad you are too. Giles reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder, but she stands up and walks off before he can touch her. Giles sits there looking concerned, watching her go. JONATHAN: (O.S.) Are we really gonna k*ll her? Cut back to the Geek Trio conferring in their basement lair. JONATHAN: That's so sad. WARREN: (scornfully) Shut up, Whine-athan. ANDREW: But ... I, I don't want to k*ll Buffy either. JONATHAN: Yeah, she saved my life a bunch of times! Plus, she's hot. WARREN: It's her or us. I mean, we have to do it. ANDREW: We're talking about m*rder. WARREN: No, we're talking about staying alive, and since this is my mom's house, I think what I say goes. ANDREW: But aside from the moral issues, and the mess, we can get in trouble for m*rder. WARREN: Duh! You know, the last I checked, the authorities also frowned on bank robbery too. Genius! JONATHAN: I don't even know if we could k*ll Buffy. She's got super-strength. ANDREW: And, you know, k*lling people, this is not why we got together in the first place. JONATHAN: Yeah. We teamed up with one clear, super-cool mission statement. Remember? Flash-cut to the three of them in the basement, sitting around a table with cans of soda, playing a board game. WARREN: So ... you guys wanna team up and take over Sunnydale? Andrew and Jonathan look at each other, shrug. ANDREW/JONATHAN: (unison) Okay. Flash back to the present. WARREN: Of course I remember. It was last month. JONATHAN: Then you know we have a mission! (points) Shrink rays... We see what he's pointing at. It's a whiteboard labeled at the top "TO DO" and including the following items: •Control The Weather •Miniaturize Fort Knox •Conjure Fake I.D.s •Shrink Ray •Girls •Girls •The Gorilla Thing JONATHAN: ...trained gorillas. Workable prototype jetpacks ... and chicks, chicks, chicks. I know that's the action I signed on for. ANDREW: Me too. Ixnay on the urder-may. WARREN: (frustrated) Vote. JONATHAN: Okay. Who's for not k*lling Buffy? Andrew and Jonathan hold up their hands, making the Star Trek "vulcan salute." They both look at Warren. Long sh*t of the three of them. We see the demon in the background still pacing and waiting for them to finish. Finally Warren gives in and holds up his hand too. ANDREW: Agreed. They all look relieved, give each other nervous looks. JONATHAN: So what are we gonna do about this Mm'Fashnik guy? WARREN: Ah, wait here. Okay, I got an idea. Warren goes over to the demon, puts his arm around the demon's shoulders turning him away from the other two. He reaches his other hand in his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. WARREN: (whispers) Here's the Slayer's name, address, and telephone number. You wanna k*ll her? Make it so. The demon takes the paper with a low growl, leaves. Warren pats him on the back, turns around and sees the others watching him. Warren swaggers back over to them as they stare, impressed. JONATHAN: (awed) How'd you make him do that? ANDREW: What are you, some kind of ... Jedi? WARREN: (casual) The Force can sometimes have great power on the weak-minded. Andrew and Jonathan nod and go "Hmm" in awe. Cut to: Summers house, night. Giles comes into the darkened kitchen with a towel over his shoulder. WILLOW: Hey Giles. Giles comes in, not smiling. WILLOW: (oblivious) You have a good talk with Buffy? Willow takes a box of cookies or something from the cupboard, goes to sit by the island. GILES: (closes the door behind him) Yes, now that she's back. WILLOW: (smiling) Isn't it awesome? GILES: (goes over to the sink) Mmm. (removes his glasses) Tell me about this spell you performed. WILLOW: (excited) Oh, okay, first of all? So scary. Like, the Blair Witch would have had to watch like this. She covers her eyes with one hand, peeks through parted fingers. Then drops the hand and grins. Giles looks grim. Willow continues, not noticing his expression. WILLOW: And, and, and this giant snake came out my mouth and there was all this energy crackling, and this pack of demons interrupted, but I totally kept it together. And then, the next thing you know? (triumphant) Buffy. She smiles proudly, takes out a cookie from the box and takes a bite. Giles has his back to her, doing something in the sink. GILES: (over his shoulder) You're a very stupid girl. Willow pauses chewing, slowly stops smiling and frowns. WILLOW: What? Giles... GILES: (turns to face her) Do you have any idea what you've done? The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed? WILLOW: I thought you'd be ... impressed, or, or something. GILES: Oh, don't worry, you've ... made a very deep impression. Of everyone here ... you were the one I trusted most to respect the forces of nature. WILLOW: Are you saying you don't trust me? GILES: (intensely) Think what you've done to Buffy. WILLOW: I brought her back! GILES: At incredible risk! WILLOW: Risk? Of what? Making her deader? GILES: Of k*lling us all. Unleashing hell on Earth, I mean, shall I go on? WILLOW: No! (stands) Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do. GILES: Oh, there are others in this world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them. (turns away again) WILLOW: No, probably not, but ... well, they're the bad guys. I'm not a bad guy. (upset) I brought Buffy back into this world, a-and maybe the word you should be looking for is "congratulations." GILES: Having Buffy back in the world makes me feel ... indescribably wonderful, but I wouldn't congratulate you if you jumped off a cliff and happened to survive. WILLOW: That's not what I did, Giles. GILES: (angry) You were lucky. WILLOW: I wasn't lucky. I was amazing. And how would you know? You weren't even there. GILES: If I had been, I'd have bloody well stopped you. The magicks you channeled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, (even more angry) and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur! Giles angrily grabs his towel and turns to leave. WILLOW: You're right. He pauses by the door, looks back at her. WILLOW: The magicks I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off. Giles stares at her, then looks away. After a moment, Willow relents. WILLOW: Come on, Giles, I-I don't want to fight. I ... Let's not, okay? I'll think about what you said, and you ... try to be happy Buffy's back. GILES: (quietly) We still don't know where she was ... or what happened to her. Cut to the back porch. Buffy stands there, hugging herself. We see her from the back. GILES: (O.S.) And I'm far from convinced she's come out of all this undamaged. Pan around to Buffy's front. She just stands there, looking blank. Suddenly a cigarette butt lands on the porch by Buffy's feet. She looks down, puts out her foot and grinds it out. BUFFY: (not looking up) Hello, Spike. We see Spike standing on the lawn. SPIKE: You hear all that noise? (looks toward the kitchen door) BUFFY: (nods) Just enough to make me feel crappy. SPIKE: You know watcher-boy doesn't mean anything by it. Spike comes closer, steps onto the first stair. Buffy shrugs. BUFFY: I guess. Everyone ... (long pause) they all care. They all care so much, it ... makes it all harder. SPIKE: I'm not sure I followed you around that bend, luv. (steps onto second stair) BUFFY: I don't know. I just, I feel like I'm spending all of my time trying to be okay, so they don't worry. It's exhausting. And then, I... She trails off, makes a frustrated gesture and then clenches her hand into a fist. SPIKE: And that makes 'em worry even more. Buffy looks at him, doesn't reply. Spike walks the rest of the way up onto the porch, comes to stand next to her. SPIKE: You want me to take them out? Give me a hell of a headache, but I could probably thin the herd a little. After a moment Buffy smiles a little. Spike looks pleased. SPIKE: Knew I could get a grin. They exchange a look. Buffy moves forward, sits on the top stair, sighs deeply. Spike sits beside her. BUFFY: Why are you always around when I'm miserable? SPIKE: 'Cause that's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not one for crowds myself these days. They look at each other again. BUFFY: Me neither. SPIKE: That works out nicely then. They sit there quietly, staring out at the night. Long sh*t of the two of them on the porch. BUFFY: So what do you know about finances? Spike looks at her. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the front of the house, night. The front porch light is on, and one light upstairs. Cut to inside. Dawn comes down the stairs, wearing pajamas. GILES: (O.S.) Dawn? We see Giles in the living room, sitting on the sofa/bed, reading a book. He gets up. GILES: Couldn't sleep? DAWN: Not really. You? GILES: (smiles, indicating his book) Evidently not. (puts the book down) DAWN: You ever try mixing parts of every cereal you got in one bowl? GILES: (yawning) Does it work? DAWN: (shrugs) Gonna find out. Wanna come join the experiment? GILES: I'm an ideal control group. (walks closer to her) I find as you get older, that you lose patience with... (looks at something in the foyer) ...throwing up. Dawn turns to see what he's looking at. sh*t of the inside of the front door. The doorknob is rattling and turning. GILES: (quietly) Is that locked? DAWN: (nervous) It should be. Suddenly the door smashes in, hitting Dawn. She screams as she goes flying back into the dining room. The M'Fashnik demon comes in, sees Giles, backhands him. Giles crashes into the stairs, smashing the banister, then falls to the floor. The demon turns, sees Dawn, who is still lying on the floor, looking fearfully at him. DEMON: You're not the Slayer. Dawn sits up and stares at him. DEMON: But you'll do for a start. He lunges for her. Close sh*t on Dawn screaming. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. Dawn continues screaming as the demon rushes at her. Before he reaches her, Buffy grabs him from behind and pulls him back to face her. BUFFY: You're payin' for that door, buddy. She flings him into the living room. He lands on his back on the coffee-table, smashing it to pieces. BUFFY: Ooh! (winces) Table! The demon gets up, holding a piece of the table. He looks at it, tosses it aside. It smashes a lamp on a side table. DEMON: You have cost me, Slayer. BUFFY: I cost *you*? That's a designer lamp, ya mook! The demon charges her, grabs her around the waist and brings her to the floor in the dining room. She hits him, then kicks him off of her. He lands on the dining-room table, smashing some dishes. Buffy gets up and the demon kicks her, she stumbles backward and knocks into a side table. A glass vase falls, and Buffy catches it with both hands, looks at it in relief. The demon charges her again and she kicks him back while still holding the vase, then puts the vase carefully back on the table. She kicks the demon again and he falls back against the wall, smashing some picture-frames. Spike appears and grabs the demon from behind, wrestles him back. BUFFY: Spike, no! I want him in the kitchen! Spike holds the demon in the doorway and steps aside. Buffy gives the demon a serious kick in the chest and he flies backward through the door into the kitchen, flies across the room and bangs into the door leading to the back porch. The glass part of the door shatters. The demon growls, swipes at Buffy but she ducks and punches him. Spike follows them into the kitchen and watches Buffy hitting the demon. Buffy gets the demon in a head-lock. BUFFY: Open the door! (Spike looks confused) The basement! I'm taking him down. Spike opens the door to the basement and Buffy wrestles the demon through it. They both topple down the stairs, but Buffy manages to grab the banister and stop her fall as the demon continues falling, landing with a splash. The demon gets up and we see that the basement is still flooded ankle-deep with water. Buffy comes down the stairs and grapples with the demon again. They exchange a few punches. Buffy grabs a pipe for support, then kicks the demon back. The demon looks up, grabs a piece of pipe along the ceiling and breaks it off. BUFFY: (angrily) No! Water begins spraying again from the broken pipe. The demon tries to att*ck Buffy with the pipe but she grabs it, kicks him in the groin and then hits him with the pipe. He goes down with a big splash. Buffy begins hitting him with the piece of pipe, one stroke for each word. BUFFY: Full... copper... re-pipe! No... more... full... copper... re-pipe! Finally she stops. The demon is floating face-down in the water. Buffy drops the pipe into the water, looks up, sighs and pouts. Walks over to where the pipe attached to the ceiling is still emitting a steady trickle of water. She stares at it unhappily. SPIKE: (OS) Whoa. We see Spike standing at the top of the stairs staring down. SPIKE: Did you know this place was flooded? Buffy closes her eyes in frustration. WARREN: (O.S.) I think we have a lot to feel good about. Cut to the Three Geeks' basement lair. The bank money bags are lying empty on the floor. The lair has been fully furnished with chairs, rugs, etc. It looks very posh. We see Andrew setting up a periscope viewer, Jonathan doing something at a display case, and Warren fiddling with a piece of equipment that looks like a g*n. Electronics equipment everywhere. WARREN: We got the money. We got the lair. And our one loose end has been taken care of ... (lifts his w*apon) by the Slayer. He pushes a button and flame sh**t out of the thing he's holding. WARREN: Flamethrower's up. Andrew manipulates the periscope controls. Behind him, on the TV, we see the periscope image. It pans across grass to reveal a woman kneeling on the lawn. ANDREW: Periscope's working. Jonathan closes the glass doors of the display case. A bunch of action figures are set up inside it. ANDREW: It looks like your mom's weeding tulips again. Jonathan turns away from the display case and folds his arms triumphantly. JONATHAN: Action figures? Fully deployed. Warren goes to sit in a chair, smiling. ANDREW: I still can't believe it. We did it! We can do anything. We could stay up all night if we wanna. WARREN: (sarcastic) Whoa, whoa, whoa don't get all crazy on us, Andrew. ANDREW: (pouty) I was only saying. JONATHAN: What are we gonna do about Buffy? You know sooner or later, the Slayer's gotta come after us. ANDREW: Bring her on. WARREN: We could, uh, we could hypnotize her. ANDREW: Make her our willing sex bunny. They all laugh their dorky laughs again. JONATHAN: I'm putting that on the list! Jonathan goes over to the white-board. ANDREW: Is this the life or what? WARREN: Mm. ANDREW: I mean, here we got all the stuff we ever wanted... (we see Jonathan writing "Hypnotize Buffy" on the To Do list) and we didn't even have to... WARREN: Earn it? ANDREW: Exactamundo. JONATHAN: (turns away from whiteboard to face them) It's true, my friends. The way I see it ... life is like an interstellar journey. Some people go into hypersleep and travel at sub-light speeds... (the others nodding agreement) ...only to get where they're going after years of struggle, toil and hard, hard work. We, on the other hand ... ANDREW: Blast through the space-time continuum in a wormhole? They all nod and smile happily. JONATHAN: Gentlemen ... crime is our wormhole. Jonathan lifts a cigar to his mouth with one hand, with the other hand a flaming piece of paper money. He lights the cigar and takes a triumphant puff. ANDREW: But ... everyone knows... (Jonathan frantically bl*wing out the f*re on the bill) if the width of a wormhole cavity is a whole number of wavelengths, plus a fraction of that wavelength? The coinciding particle activity collapses the infrastructure. Warren turns to face Andrew. Warren is wearing a virtual-reality headset that covers the whole top half of his face. WARREN: Dude. Don't be a geek. Cut to: interior Summers house, day. Dawn and Willow sitting on the sofa trying to fit together the pieces of the broken lamp. Pan across to show the destruction: front door standing open with a big hole in it, banister on the stairs broken, pieces of coffee table on the floor. Xander sits across from the sofa, trying to fix the coffee table. In the background Anya and Buffy sit by a desk looking at papers. Buffy's chair is held together with duct tape. BUFFY: This is going to take forever, isn't it? ANYA: Not forever. Just a very long time. Uh, here it is. (shows Buffy some papers) Your first approximation of your spanking new debt. BUFFY: (stares at the paper in dismay) I've trashed this house so many times. How did Mom pay for this? XANDER: For starters, she saved money with this crappy-ass coffee table. ANYA: Well, there's always that charging option. BUFFY: No! I will definitely ... probably not be doing that. Giles and Tara enter from the kitchen. GILES: Well, I know I'm back in America now I've been knocked unconscious. (Tara hands him an ice-pack) Thank you. BUFFY: Aw. Poor lumpy Giles. TARA: What do you think the demon wanted, anyway? Dawn jumps as the piece of lamp in her hands crumbles. TARA: I mean, aside from costing you a bundle. BUFFY: Don't know. Now he's way too d*ad to answer that question. Wish I knew who hired him. WILLOW: Ooh, I could do a locator spell... Giles looks up from holding the ice pack against his head, gives Willow a look. WILLOW: (stops smiling) Or not. XANDER: That's it. (drops the table leg) Four hours. I'm calling it, people. This coffee-table is gone. (melodramatically) Damn it! DAWN: Also, this lamp's in critical condition. (sh*t of Buffy looking worried) WILLOW: Well, uh, let's take these things out to the trash and give 'em a decent throwin' out. Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya pick up the various pieces of lamp and coffee-table, and exit. Giles walks over to Buffy, looking concerned. Dawn watches them anxiously. GILES: (sits next to Buffy) Buffy? BUFFY: (quietly) I don't think I can do this. GILES: Yes you can. Your mother dealt with this sort of thing all the time. (Buffy looks up) She took ... one crisis at a time ... without the aid of any superpowers ... and got through it all. So can you. BUFFY: You sure? GILES: I'm positive. Buffy looks slightly reassured. The phone rings. BUFFY: (gets up) Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here. (walks toward kitchen) I'll be back. Buffy exits into the kitchen. DAWN: (to Giles) I bet it's creditors. The hounding's g*n. I read about it. So you think we'll starve? GILES: I very much doubt it. DAWN: No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly-ventilated sweatshop? GILES: Poorly-ventilated ... What have you been reading? Buffy returns, walking quickly and purposefully toward the front. GILES: Buffy, what is it? She turns back to face them, pauses for a moment before speaking. BUFFY: Angel. GILES: Is he in trouble? BUFFY: He knows that I'm ... (trails off. sh*t of Dawn watching with concern) He, he needs to see me. I have to see him. GILES: Yes, of course. You'll leave for L.A. tomorrow. BUFFY: (shakes her head) Not L.A. And not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a, a place. GILES: I see. Well, we should get all these ... bills and things out of the way before- BUFFY: I gotta go now. She starts to leave, pauses and turns back again. BUFFY: Um, thanks for taking care of this for me. She exits, leaving Dawn and Giles staring at each other in dismay in the trashed living room. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x04 - Flooded"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy entering the house. BUFFY: Hey Mom. Joyce lying on the sofa. BUFFY: Mom? Mommy? WILLOW: There's some money stuff we're gonna have to talk to you about. BUFFY: So you're telling me I'm broke? XANDER: Hospital bills. WILLOW: Pretty much sucked up all the money. BUFFY: I don't think I can do this. GILES: Yes you can. The Geek Trio in flashback. WARREN: So ... you guys wanna team up and take over Sunnydale? JONATHAN/ANDREW: Okay. The Geeks in their lair. JONATHAN: We're like super-villains. The geeks laughing their lame villain laughs. Buffy and Spike sitting on the back porch. BUFFY: Why are you always around when I'm miserable? SPIKE: That's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not one for crowds myself these days. Spike and Buffy exchanging a look. BUFFY: Me neither. SPIKE: That works out nicely then. Buffy walking through the living room toward the front. GILES: Buffy, what is it? BUFFY: Angel. He, he needs to see me. I have to see him. GILES: Y-you'll leave for L.A. tomorrow. BUFFY: I have to go now. Episode opens in the foyer of the Summers house, night. The front door opens and Buffy comes in, holding a paper bucket under her arm. She tosses her keys on the side table. BUFFY: (calls) Hello? WILLOW: Buffy? Willow's voice comes from the dining room. Buffy turns in that direction. BUFFY: Oh. Yep, it's me, and I brought dinner. (walks into dining room) Deep fried chicken parts. Hope you're... We see Tara, Giles, and Dawn sitting around the table, and Willow standing with a dish of food in her hands. They're clearly just finishing a meal. Giles holds a half-full wine glass. BUFFY: ...hungry. (disappointed) You already ate. GILES: No! (embarrassed) Well, uh, yes, obviously. DAWN: Uh, we didn't know when you'd be coming back. BUFFY: (shrugs) It's okay. More for me. Buffy puts the bucket of chicken on the table and sits. Willow sits also. TARA: I don't know about everybody else, but ... I would love some chicken. GILES: Yes. As would I. DAWN: I'll take a drumstick. WILLOW: I'm a breast girl myself. (quietly, to Tara) But, then again, you knew that. Willow and Tara exchange a smile. Giles makes an "ew" face. They pass the bucket of chicken around the table. DAWN: (awkwardly) So. BUFFY: What so? DAWN: So ... how was it? (nervous) Seeing Angel ... him seeing you. (Giles stands up) Was it weird? Buffy looks uncomfortable. Dawn, Tara, and Willow look expectantly at her. BUFFY: Um ... it was ... intense. Giles goes to the back of the room to do something at a side table. WILLOW: Well, i-if you wanna talk about it... BUFFY: I don't. I-it's ... not important. Past. I'd just ... rather keep this one to myself, if that's okay. DAWN: Sure, whatever. GILES: Buffy, um, there was... (sits back down) some discussion in, uh, your absence a-about, um ... w-what you're gonna do now. Giles has a pile of paper napkins, gives one to Dawn. GILES: You know, um ... your plans. BUFFY: Oh, um, I've been giving that a lot of thought actually. I think I've figured it out, what I should do. WILLOW: (smiling) That's good, that's good! BUFFY: Yeah. I figure, if I hold off paying the plumber, I can pay the utility bill. (Willow and Tara stop smiling) And then I can wait to re-shingle the roof until we get the refund back- GILES: Um, I meant... (Buffy stops) ...with your life. BUFFY: Oh. Life plans. Um ... well... The others continue to watch her. BUFFY: I have no idea. Dawn looks surprised. BUFFY: I guess, um ... well, I, I left school, you know, when Mom got sick, but I always figured I'd go back ... and then she... Buffy trails off. Willow and Giles look sympathetic. BUFFY: Um, so I-I was thinking about re-enrolling, but I missed the registration cutoff. Busy being d*ad and all. Giles winces. WILLOW: Well, if it's too late for late registration and too early for early, you can always come to classes with Tara and me. TARA: Right. Y-you can audit for the rest of the semester until registration. BUFFY: (uncertainly) Audit. I-I guess I could do that. Willow and Tara smile tentatively. BUFFY: Yeah, that ... sounds like a good plan. (looks across the table) What do you think, Giles? Giles nods and looks as if he's searching for words. JONATHAN VOICEOVER: The Slayer always knows what she's doing. Cut to: exterior driveway, day. Jonathan paces around in front of a one-car garage. The area is fenced in with a garbage cans and other various backyard paraphernalia. Jonathan frowns sternly as he walks and talks. JONATHAN: Sharp. Decisive. Always with a plan. (louder) We're never gonna become the crime lords of Sunnydale with her always one step ahead of us. WARREN: (OS) Well, that's why we're throwing these tests at her, seeing which one of us can shake her up the most, maybe find a weakness or two. Jonathan walks forward. Warren is on the ground, lying on his back on a rolling platform such as mechanics use when working underneath a car. He rolls out backwards and looks up at Jonathan. WARREN: She's ready. We see that he's just emerged from underneath a large black van. JONATHAN: Sweet. Run me through it. WARREN: Ah. Warren gets up, opens the van's side door. WARREN: We got nine high-resolution surveillance cameras hooked in (points), super-wide angle, infrared, auto-iris, plus six types of audio matrix monitoring... Pan across the interior of the van. It's completely filled with electronics equipment on both sides. Also a bean-bag chair or two, and a couple of wheeled computer chairs. WARREN: that's filtered through a dual quad DVS system, and a... JONATHAN: Yeah, yeah, fine, just tell me. (They start walking around toward the front of the van) Are you sure with all of this stuff that we'll be able to watch Buffy without her noticing us? WARREN: Absolutely. I mean, she'll never even know- They come around to the other side and find Andrew spray-painting a huge Death Star on the side of the van. WARREN: W-what the hell is that? ANDREW: Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh? JONATHAN: (scornfully) Thermal exhaust port's *above* the main port, numb-nuts. ANDREW: For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised designs from Return of the Jedi. JONATHAN: That's a flawed design! WARREN: Guys! (they shut up) Okay, the thing is, since we're messing with the Slayer, who could pummel the three of us into a sludgy substance, it might be a good idea for us to (yelling) NOT draw attention to ourselves! Jonathan nods smugly at Andrew. ANDREW: (uncertain) I could paint over it if you want. WARREN: Yeah, well, do that! Because this time tomorrow, the games begin. (Zoom in on his face) And the Slayer ... will never even know what h*t her. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Special Guest Star Anthony Stewart Head. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by David Fury and Jane Espenson, directed by Nick Marck. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the hallways of UC Sunnydale. Various students walking around. BUFFY VOICEOVER: This is gonna be great. Cut to Buffy and Willow entering a classroom. BUFFY: I thought it might be a little weird being back, I mean, it is weird, but like a good kind of weird. Instead of desks the classroom has long tables set up in a rectangle. They walk around the perimeter to find empty seats. WILLOW: There's the teacher, Mike. sh*t of the teacher dressed casually, writing on the blackboard the words "Social Construction of..." WILLOW: You'll like Mike. (sits) BUFFY: You call your teacher Mike? Boy, school sure has changed since my day. (sits) Mike turns from the blackboard. The final word he wrote was "reality." MIKE: Social Construction of Reality. Who can tell me what that is? (many students raise their hands including Willow) Rachel. RACHEL: A concept involving a couple of opposing theories, one stressing the externality and independence of social reality from individuals. (Buffy looks confused) MIKE: And the flip side? (many hands raised) Steve? STEVE: That each individual participates fully in the construction of his or her own life. MIKE: Good, and who can expand on that? (hands) Chuck? CHUCK: Well, those on the latter side of the theoretical divide stress... BUFFY: (leans toward Willow and whispers) Will, I'm not following this too well. WILLOW: Oh. The trick is to get in the rhythm, kinda go with the flow. (raises her hand) BUFFY: Flow-going would be a lot easier if your classmates weren't such big brains. WILLOW: (hand still raised) Buffy, that's ridiculous! They are no smarter than you or me. MIKE: (O.S.) Willow. WILLOW: (lowers hand, speaks to Mike) Because social phenomena don't have unproblematic objective existences. They have to be interpreted and given meanings by those who encounter them. (Buffy stares at Willow) MIKE: (O.S.) Nicely put. So, Ruby, does that mean there are countless realities? WILLOW: (notices Buffy's look) What? Cut to Buffy and Willow walking through the hallways. WILLOW: You're not dumb. Just rusty. BUFFY: Maybe I should ease back in with some non-taxing classes, like, introduction to pies, or maybe advanced walking. Tara hurries up to join them. TARA: Hey! How'd it go? WILLOW: She did fine! Sociology, not a big fave. TARA: She didn't like Mike? BUFFY: No, look, it's fine. I just need to spend a little more time re-acclimating. You know, to get back into the swing of things. A guy bumps Buffy as he walks past them. Close sh*t of a hand touching her clothing, moving away to reveal a tiny metal object. Cut back to wider sh*t. Buffy almost falls over but Willow and Tara catch her. WILLOW: (yells after the guy) Hey! You could at least say sorry, rude-o! TARA: Everybody's in a hurry. The girls exchange an annoyed look and continue walking. Cut to the guy coming around a corner. We see that it's Warren. He looks up and sees a surveillance camera on the ceiling, turns away from it and speaks into the collar of his sweatshirt. WARREN: Francis 7, this is Logan 5. I'm in position, do you copy? Cut to interior of the van. A bank of computer screens show various images. Jonathan sits in front of them with a microphone ear-piece headset on. Andrew stands behind him. JONATHAN: Yeah, Warren, we copy that. And you're up on the monitor. ANDREW: Hey Warren, this is working great. The monitors show Warren as he smiles and waves at the camera. WARREN: Runner is tagged, inhibitor is on. Repeat, inhibitor is on. Initiate omega pulse sequence. Cut to exterior of the college campus. The black van sits in a parking spot. Various people walking around. A small satellite transmitter emerges from the top of the van and swivels, making whirring noises. Cut to Buffy and Tara walking through the halls together. TARA: My art appreciation class doesn't start for another twenty minutes, so we've got some time to k*ll. Um, here. (takes a large book from her bag and gives it to Buffy) You'll like it, it's very mellow. Buffy opens the book and looks at a picture of a painting. Weird buzzing noise, like static on a TV. Buffy frowns, looks up. TARA: ...didn't think she liked my cooking (we see Tara sitting on a bench nearby) until I realized that that was her yummy face. (smiling) You know how her nose- BUFFY: What was that? TARA: What was what? BUFFY: (confused) Uh ... that, that noise, wh-what was that about, about cooking? Whose yummy face? TARA: Willow. Wow, you ... really got engrossed in that Renaissance book. (stands up) BUFFY: I guess. I ... must have spaced out. Buffy gives the book back to Tara and goes over to a drinking fountain. TARA: Oh, I-I do that sometimes. Once, Willow and I were watching "Spongebob Squarepants"... Buffy bends toward the fountain to drink. The buzzing noise again. TARA: (calling) Buffy? A-are you coming? We see Tara all the way down the hall by a set of double doors. TARA: (calling) We're gonna be late for class. Buffy looks extremely confused and a little angry. BUFFY: What the f- Cut to interior of the van. Warren opens the door from outside and quickly climbs in, shutting the door behind him. WARREN: (excited) Is it working? Is it doing it? JONATHAN: Dude, it's doing it. ANDREW: And it's wicked cool. Cut back to inside. Tara walks into a crowded classroom, pauses just inside the door and turns. Buffy comes running around the corner. BUFFY: Tara! Tara! The classroom doors close in her face. The halls are now empty as all the students have gone to class. Buffy looks around in dismay. The buzzing noise again. Students begin pouring out of the classrooms into the hallways. Tara walks up behind Buffy. TARA: Buffy, where have you been? You missed art class. BUFFY: Missed? Uh, Tara, something freaky's going on, it's like I'm- Buffy looks over at a wall clock. The hands on the clock move quickly. They start at about 11:50 and stop again at about 12:10. BUFFY: Look, there! There! (pointing) Uh, did you see- She looks around and sees that Tara is gone. The halls are deserted again. Buffy makes a frustrated face. BUFFY: Crap! She runs off. Cut to Buffy coming out of the building. A lot of students are walking around in various directions. Buffy rushes down the stairs. BUFFY: Tara! We see Tara a little way off, walking away. BUFFY: Tara, wait! sh*t of the campus from Buffy's POV. We're in a little courtyard with a grassy lawn. In the middle of the lawn is a stone table with a stone bench circling it. All the people move faster and faster until they're just blurs. Buffy stands still looking around as the blurs move past her. One of them bumps into her and knocks her down. The blurs continue to move across the lawn as Buffy starts crawling toward the stone table. Another one hits her and she falls down on her back, groans in pain. She gets to her hands and knees and crawls the rest of the way, crawls under the table. The blurs continue to move by. Cut to the van. The Geeks are watching Buffy on their monitors and can apparently also hear what she's saying. BUFFY: That noise. There's something on me. Cut back to Buffy. She begins examining her clothing. She takes off her sweater. Cut back to the van. On the monitors, the view swings around to show Buffy's face. WARREN: Oh no. ANDREW: Uh-oh. JONATHAN: She found it. The image of Buffy tilts from side to side as she looks at her sweater. Cut back to Buffy. She finds the tiny metal device attached to her sweater and removes it, holds it in the palm of her hand and stares at it in confusion. Cut back to the van. ANDREW: Oh, this is bad, this is bad. JONATHAN: Self-destruct! Self-destruct! ANDREW: I, I don't know, I- WARREN: No! Warren reaches over and flips up the plastic casing that covers a large red button. He puts his finger over it, pauses. On the screen, Buffy reaches out her finger toward the device. Warren pushes the button. Cut back to Buffy. The device disintegrates in her hand. She looks up. All the people resume walking at normal speed. Buffy frowns, gathers up her stuff and comes out from under the table. She stands there looking around, a little scared. Cut to the van. Warren plops down in a bean-bag chair on the floor. WARREN: Okay, score me. Andrew and Jonathan sit in computer chairs above him in "judge" positions. JONATHAN: Rrrright. (ponders) Fifty points for ingenuity, another thirty since it involved actual contact. ANDREW: Very smooth, by the way. (Warren smiles) JONATHAN: On the freak-o-meter I'd say she was at a six. WARREN: Oh come, it's an eight, easy! Jonathan and Andrew lean their heads together to confer. Then pull back to their original postures. JONATHAN: We'll split the diff, call it a seven. Which is good for a hundred and forty, giving you a grand total of... ANDREW: Two hundred and twenty. WARREN: (claps triumphantly, points at Andrew) b*at that! ANDREW: Oh, I will. Cut back to Buffy still standing on the grass looking around in extreme confusion. ANDREW VOICEOVER: I will. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a construction site, day. Pan across various machinery and men in hard-hats. BUFFY VOICEOVER: This is gonna be great. Reveal Buffy and Xander, also wearing hard-hats, walking through the site. They wear toolbelts and Buffy carries a lunchbox. Her hair is in two pigtails. BUFFY: Diving into the workforce. Being a bread-winner, building things with my hands. XANDER: Uh, actually, you won't be building so much as lifting and toting. BUFFY: Toting? XANDER: It's just a temp gig, Buff. You know, unless it t*nk. Since you're not union, I had to call in a few favors to get you on a crew. BUFFY: Well, I appreciate it. Muchly. You saved me from having to accept Giles' offer to work at the Magic Box. I mean, retail? Yeee. (shudders) I'd rather be d*ad. Again. XANDER: (not really listening) Uh-huh. So, Giles have any thoughts about your little fast-forward freak-out at school? BUFFY: No. Oh, well, he implied that maybe it was stress-related. Like I was imagining it or something. I don't know. Maybe. I guess I, I ... could have been blacking out, but ... there was this thing on my sweater, you know? (Xander nods, not really listening) And then it just, blew away, or went poof. Maybe it was lint. (excited) Maybe it was evil lint. XANDER: Okay, first tip of the day. When I introduce you to Tony the foreman? You might wanna leave out stuff about blacking out and evil lint. They walk on. They approach a spot where a couple of guys are standing around looking at blueprints. XANDER: Hey. Tony. (Tony turns) This is Buffy. You know, that friend I told you about. BUFFY: (sticks out her hand) Nice to meet you, Tony. Tony just scowls at Xander. Buffy pulls her hand back, looks around at the other men. BUFFY: Guys. The other guys just stare. TONY: You gotta be kiddin' me. We're a week behind, I got two men out on the DL, and now you want us to baby-sit some little girl? BUFFY: Uh, excuse me, but I- TONY: Hang on, Gidget! (to Xander) This stinks, Harris. What am I supposed to do with her? XANDER: Give her a chance. She's stronger than she looks. Tony just sneers and turns back to the blueprints. XANDER: That's the spirit! (aside to Buffy) Don't mind him, he may seem pig-ignorant, rude, and a little hostile... (pauses) Have fun! (pats Buffy on the shoulder and starts to leave) BUFFY: Whoa, where are you going? XANDER: Upstairs. I need to supervise the sheet rock hangers. Don't sweat it! I'll be back to check on you later. Xander leaves. TONY: Okay, Danny, finish puttin' in those J-boxes, Vince, Marco, I need you to haul the steel inside. MARCO: Gee, I don't know, Tone. I don't wanna get in trouble with those affirmative action lawyers, you know what I'm sayin'? Why don't you put, uh, little Britney here on hauling duty? BUFFY: It's Buffy. TONY: Okay, princess, you're on it. Try not to break a nail. The guys laugh nastily. Buffy makes a face, mimicking Tony, and walks toward the pile of large steel girders. One of the other guys, Vince, joins her. VINCE: Don't worry about it. And don't let them hassle you into doing something stupid and hurting yourself. These beams weigh quite a few hundred pounds. Buffy picks up a beam easily and puts it on her shoulder. BUFFY: Which way? All the men pause to stare. Vince points his thumb toward the half-finished building. BUFFY: Thanks! She carries the beam off as Vince stares at the remaining pile in surprise. Cut to inside the site, later. Someone is welding. Buffy comes in carrying another girder, and addresses another man, Danny, who's crouched over doing something. BUFFY: So basically I'm just trying to learn everything I can, you know? 'Cause I don't want just a job, you know? I want a career, you know, something I can grow into. She goes over to Danny who is trying to move a girder. Buffy easily helps him lift it into position. BUFFY: I mean, I never thought I'd be working in construction ... but when you think about it kinda makes sense- DANNY: Hey. We get paid by the hour. (Buffy looks surprised) You wanna ruin it for the rest of us? Slow down. He walks off leaving Buffy standing there uncertainly. In the background we see Tony watching. Cut to: a view of the construction site as seen through binoculars. The lens follows a worker along until we see Buffy in the background. The lens stops and focuses in on her. WARREN: Ah! Got visual of subject, four o'clock. We see Warren and Jonathan sitting in the passenger seat of the van, looking out the window. Warren holds the binoculars up to his face. JONATHAN: That's not four o'clock. WARREN: (lowers the binocs) Well, it is if you're facing the front of the van. JONATHAN: But we're not facing the front of the van, we're facing out that way. (gestures) That's twelve, so she's at two o'clock. WARREN: (annoyed) Look, she's over there, okay? JONATHAN: (annoyed) Okay. Warren lifts the binocs to look again. Jonathan turns, parts a bead curtain that separates the "cab" of the van from the rear. He peeks through to the back. We see Andrew sitting on the floor reading a comic. JONATHAN: You're up. Andrew tosses the comic down, picks up a set of wooden pipes and begins to play by bl*wing air across the tops of them. The music continues as we cut to Buffy approaching a water cooler on the site. She leans over to take a cup. She hears something and straightens up, looks around in confusion. The music continues and melds into the background music of the scene. Buffy shrugs, turns back to the cooler to fill her cup. sh*t of Buffy from someone else's POV, approaching her. A wrench sits on a nearby stand. The person picks it up and carries it toward Buffy. She sees the person approaching and stands up too quickly, spilling water on herself. BUFFY: Ooh! Oh. It's Tony the foreman. TONY: Jumpy? What's the matter? I scare ya? Suddenly Buffy pushes him aside to reveal a green demon behind him. Tony hits the wall as Buffy hits the demon. Buffy takes off her hard-hat and throws it aside as she faces the demon. Two more demons drop down from above to surround Buffy. They are all green-skinned and wear long trenchcoats. Buffy kicks one demon, punches the other two, kicks, goes to her knees and sweeps the feet out from under one. She gets in a couple more kicks before one of them grabs her around the waist from behind, dragging her backward. She finally gets loose, holds the demon's arm with one of hers while backhanding it with the other. The demon tosses her backward, grabs her and pins her against a wall. She kicks it back and another demon takes its place. Buffy punches it a few times, turns and leaps up to grab an overhead bar. Swinging from it, she kicks a demon in front and one behind, does a somersaulting dismount and kicks two demons with both feet. They crash into a partially built wall, bringing it down. Buffy picks up a shovel from the floor and uses it to h*t the other demon a few times. He goes down and she s*ab the shovel into him, then drops it. The demon lies on the floor d*ad. Then his whole body turns into a pile of goo which evaporates completely, leaving just an oily stain. The other two demons get up, pushing pieces of wall off them. There are also two men there, scrambling to get away. The demons pursue them. MEN: No, don't hurt me! Please! Help me! (etc.) BUFFY: (OS) Hey! The demons turn and see Buffy behind them. They att*ck her. She punches them both, wraps some wire around one demon's neck and strangles it. It falls to the ground and disintegrates as the previous one did. Buffy ducks a punch from the other demon, kicks it back against a piece of machinery, picks it up and shoves its head into the machine. She pulls out a cable and the pneumatic machinery begins to compress, crushing the demon's head. The demon also dissolves. Cut to the van. The Geeks are watching through the window. Jonathan sits in the driver's seat (background), Warren in the passenger seat, and Andrew perched on the dashboard. Andrew has the binoculars. ANDREW: Oh, man. She took 'em out. WARREN: Lemme see. (grabs the binoculars and looks) ANDREW: Okay, give it back now. WARREN: No, I'm still looking. ANDREW: No, y-you had your turn, now gimme- WARREN: No, I'm still- ANDREW: Gimme- Andrew grabs for the binoculars and Warren shoves him away. Andrew falls halfway onto Jonathan's lap. His elbow hits the steering wheel and activates the horn, which plays the Star Wars theme song. Cut to the construction site. Buffy hears the honking and peers curiously out of the building. She sees the black van sitting on the street beyond the fence. The Star Wars music continues. Cut back to the van. The geeks yell "Duck!" and all dive for the floor. Andrew jumps through the bead curtain into the back while the other two just lower their heads. Cut back to the site. Buffy continues looking toward the van as a couple of construction workers approach. We see another guy is pinned under some wreckage. Cut back to the van. Jonathan and Warren part the bead curtain and glare angrily at Andrew in the back. ANDREW: (defensive) Hey. All you said was lose the mural. The other two make annoyed faces. Cut back to the site. Two men are helping the third get up. Xander comes running over. XANDER: Oh my god. Buffy, what ... what happened? How ... Aw, Buffy, I know these guys can be jerks, but was it really necessary- BUFFY: I didn't do this! Tony comes around the corner holding a cloth to his bleeding forehead. TONY: I'll tell you what she did. I came over to tell your friend I was impressed by the job she was doing, liking the way she handles herself, and all of a sudden she goes berserk and att*cks me. BUFFY: (outraged) Wh - I saved you from the... She pauses, pulls Xander aside. BUFFY: The demons! They were these three big apey things! XANDER: No. No, not here. Not at my job. That's your job. BUFFY: I can't help where the forces of darkness att*ck me, Xander. XANDER: Buffy, would you look at this mess? (gestures) Do you have any idea how much it's gonna cost to repair this? And what am I supposed to say to the clients, should I just show them the demon bodies and say it's all their fault? BUFFY: (pouts) You can't. They melted. (sees his reaction) But ... uh ... (whines) There, there are witnesses! (turns to the other members of the crew) Vince! Vince! You'll tell him, right, how I jumped in and protected you from those ... things? VINCE: Hey, I don't know what you're talking about. All I know is you were losin' it or something. (Buffy stares in shock) That time of the month, huh? BUFFY: What?! You were huddled in a corner! Crying! Like a baby! VINCE: Hey, hey. No way. Me, crying? Buffy gives Xander an angry look and stalks off past Vince and Tony. VINCE: You're trippin', sweetie. (to Tony) What's her problem? Xander shakes his head, gives the guys a nervous smile and follows Buffy. Cut to outside the building frame. Buffy and Xander walk along. Buffy has her hard-hat on again. BUFFY: I didn't imagine this, Xander. XANDER: I know. I believe you. In fact, I'm starting to think between this att*ck and the school thing that somebody's messin' with you. BUFFY: Really? You think they're connected? XANDER: Well, there's something going on. I think it's worth checking out, and I don't mean later. You need to see Giles and get on it right away. I'd start with ID'ing those demons. BUFFY: You're f*ring me, aren't you. XANDER: Big time. The whole melty thing oughta help narrow it down. Buffy takes off her hard-hat and gives it to him. Long sh*t of the two of them from the back. XANDER: Uh, try sketching them. That always helps, and then maybe, when I get off work I'll help you go through the mug sh*ts. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of the magic shop, day. BUFFY VOICEOVER: This is gonna be great. Cut to inside. Buffy and Anya walk through the store together. BUFFY: You know, I've always been interested in, um, interested in retail. They descend the stairs and Anya heads toward the counter. In foreground we see Giles carrying a large stack of books toward the round table. Buffy approaches him. We see that the table is already piled high with a huge number of books. BUFFY: Uh ... is this all research, or just some kind of stress test for the table? GILES: (puts books on table, picks up a mug) I just want to be thorough. This ... time anomaly, and then the, the demon att*cks could be completely unrelated events, but if they're not ... you might be in some danger. (drinking from mug) BUFFY: So, situation normal then. Giles sits down and opens a book. Anya comes over with a three-ring binder. ANYA: (to Buffy) Let's review. (opens binder) Um, you record returns here. Um, these are the slips for special orders, you ship them wherever the customer wants. And, uh, these are the hold slips. GILES: Fill out two hold slips for each item. (gets up and moves away) ANYA: Oh, and uh, be sure to remove the items from the shelf. As Anya speaks, we zoom in on a shelf behind the table. There are a couple of items on the shelf, the major one being a human skull with a candle in its top. ANYA: (OS) Um, I can illustrate with an amusing story about a crystal. We see that there's a tiny camera mounted in one of the skull's eyes. Cut to the interior of the van. A monitor shows the view from the skull-camera of Anya and Buffy in the store. Giles moves around them and out of frame. ANYA: (on screen) Uh, see, there was this certain customer who wanted to purchase a sapphire. Uh, sapphire ... well ... ding-dong. Right? And so anyway, I... Pan across the monitors to find Warren yawning in boredom as he watches. He reaches out to turn down the volume. WARREN: This is so dull I might actually have fallen asleep and be dreaming you guys. Andrew slides into view, rolling on his wheeled chair. ANDREW: Why is the Slayer here anyway? She's a student, she's a construction worker, and ... now she's some kind of ... selling stuff person? WARREN: (shakes head) It's like she's completely without focus. (pause) Should we check the other channels for free cable p*rn? Andrew seems to like the idea. JONATHAN: (OS) Guys, I'm ready. We see Jonathan sitting on the floor. The other guys look over, then get out of their chairs and sit on the floor as well, forming a triangle. Jonathan's holding a piece of paper in one hand and a cigarette lighter in the other. JONATHAN: I need you to hold hands. Warren holds out his hand to Andrew, who recoils. ANDREW: With each other? WARREN: Well, you know what h*m* really means about you, don't you? Warren picks up a piece of bone and points it at Andrew. JONATHAN: Stop touching my magic bone! Warren puts the bone down as he and Andrew burst out giggling. JONATHAN: (annoyed) Shut up. The others stop laughing but still look amused. JONATHAN: Okay. Jonathan begins flicking the lighter as he holds the piece of paper over the floor in between them. Warren grabs Andrew's hand. Jonathan gets the lighter lit and sets the paper on f*re. JONATHAN: Okay, it's in Latin, so don't laugh. It's supposed to sound like this. He turns off the lighter and sets it aside, puts the burning paper down, picks up the bone. sh*t from above. We see that there's a triangle drawn in red on the floor, and a bowl in the middle of the triangle, with the burning paper in the bowl. Jonathan waves the bone over it while making gestures with his other hand. JONATHAN: Opus orbit est, et ea in medio, tempus ad calcem intendit. [Approx. translation: "The work is a circle, and she is in the middle, the time stretches out."] Clouds of smoke begin to rise from the bowl. Jonathan grins at the other guys. The smoke engulfs them and they all begin to cough. Cut to inside the magic shop. Buffy walks along looking bored. Behind her, we can see out the window. We see the van parked across the street with smoke coming out of it as its rear door pops open to release the smoke. Faintly, we can hear the Geeks coughing. We also see a woman walk past the windows toward the magic shop door. The camera follows her. She opens the door, making the bell above it jingle. Buffy turns to look as the customer enters. Giles comes up behind Buffy. GILES: Buffy, a word in your ear. The woman closes the door behind her and comes into the store. Buffy turns to Giles. GILES: While I was running the store, I found it useful to imagine myself back in the library. Um, (removes glasses and begins cleaning them) you know, if you concentrate on service and, and not on making a sale, you're more likely to have a satisfied customer. Giles nods, examines his glasses. BUFFY: Guess I'll have to find my own style. GILES: (not listening) Yes, uh, quite, quite, quite. Giles puts his glasses back on and moves away. Buffy turns away as Anya comes up to her. They both look toward the woman customer. ANYA: That woman. Go sell her something. Anya smiles, pats Buffy on the back and walks off. Buffy looks skeptical, begins walking toward the woman. As she climbs the stairs, a male customer stops her. He's looking at a display of scented candles. MALE CUSTOMER: Miss? Which candle creates a more, you know, romantic atmosphere? Buffy picks up a candle, sniffs it, looks at the sticker on the bottom. BUFFY: Hmm. "Lemon Seduction." She puts it down, picks up another and sniffs it, makes a face. BUFFY: Ew! (looks at sticker) "Essence of Slug." (puts it down, picks up the first candle and hands it to the customer) Here you go. MALE CUSTOMER: (smiling) Thank you. Buffy turns away. BUFFY: (to herself) Yeah. (walks over to woman) May I help you? FEMALE CUSTOMER: (conspiratorially) I need something for a prosperity spell. I heard you have it. The mummy hand? BUFFY: Uh, yeah, actually, I saw one downstairs. It's kinda hairy, though. Maybe it was a daddy hand. She smiles, but the customer doesn't get the joke. BUFFY: I'll just get it. She turns and walks to the door leading to the basement, opens it. Cut to basement. Buffy walks around holding a paper bag, looking for the mummy hand. She puts the bag down as she examines the jars lining the shelves. BUFFY: (reads) 'Petrified hamster' ... uch! Eyeballs and honey. Dagger of Lex... She turns and sees the mummy hand sitting atop a wooden crate. BUFFY: Hmm. Ancient mummy hand. She reaches out to pick it up but stops when the mummy hand springs to life. It leaps at her and grabs her by the throat. Buffy grabs it by the throat and wrestles with it for a moment, finally pulls it off her and tosses it back onto the crate. She turns, grabs the dagger of Lex from the shelf, s*ab it into the back of the mummy hand. The hand continues moving for a moment and then stops. Buffy stares at it, panting slightly. Cut to above. The woman customer stares in dismay as Buffy holds up the dagger with the mummy hand still impaled on it. BUFFY: And you get the dagger of Lex for free with it! See the inlaid mother-of-pearl ... underneath the black oozing goo? FEMALE CUSTOMER: This hand is d*ad. The power is gone, I'm not giving you money for this! BUFFY: Oh, it's just playing d*ad. (swats the mummy hand) Little scamp. She gives the woman a hopeful look. Close sh*t of the bell above the door. It jingles as the door opens. Buffy turns around. She no longer holds the dagger and hand. She's back where she was when the customer first entered the store. Giles comes up behind her. GILES: Buffy, a word in your ear. The woman customer comes in, shuts the door. Buffy frowns in confusion, turns to Giles. GILES: Uh, while I was running the store, I found it was useful to, uh... BUFFY: Huh? What? Huh? GILES: (cleaning glasses) ...imagine myself back in the library, uh, to, uh- BUFFY: We did this just now. Giles, something is happening. GILES: (not listening) Yes, uh, quite right. Cut to a view of Buffy and Giles on the monitors inside the van. WARREN: Aw, you did it! Dude, she's looping! The Geek Trio watch the monitors, grinning. WARREN: Wha, uh, what'd you do, enchant the hand thing? JONATHAN: Uh, well, not exactly. I made it so she had to satisfy a customer with a task that resists solving. (stops smiling) Maybe I shoulda done more. ANDREW: Like what? JONATHAN: I don't know. (looks at monitor) Like make her kind of itchy? On the monitor, Giles walks away as Buffy turns toward the customer and Anya walks up to Buffy. Cut back to the store. ANYA: Go help the lady who just came in. BUFFY: Wait- ANYA: Don't worry, don't be nervous. Do what I do, just picture yourself naked. Buffy makes an "ew" face as Anya pushes her toward the customer. Again the man by the candles stops her. MALE CUSTOMER: Uh, miss- BUFFY: Here. Buffy grabs the lemon candle and gives it to him, continues on her way. FEMALE CUSTOMER: Hi. I'm looking for something really specific. I heard you carry it. BUFFY: A mummy hand. The customer looks quite surprised. BUFFY: You look like the mummy hand type. Sorry, I can't get that for you. FEMALE CUSTOMER: I called here twenty minutes ago, and someone said you had one. BUFFY: Y-yeah, um ... but ... there's a thing happening. FEMALE CUSTOMER: You have one, and, and I was told I could buy it, and I'm sorry, but I'm really gonna have to hold you to that. I'm not leaving until I get a mummy hand. BUFFY: (reluctantly) Okay ... I guess ... I'll have to get it for you. Cut back to the van. On the screen, Buffy turns away from the customer and heads for the basement. WARREN: Smart. She's figuring out the game. Satisfy the customer. (leans forward) Well, she might just have you b*at there, Stretch. (shoves Jonathan) JONATHAN: No way. It hasn't even started yet. ANDREW: I just hope she solves it faster than Data did on the ep of TNG where the Enterprise kept bl*wing up. WARREN: Or Mulder, in that X-Files where the bank kept exploding. ANDREW: Scully wants me so bad. The others give Andrew skeptical looks. Cut to the magic shop basement. The mummy hand dances around on the crate tapping its fingers. Buffy approaches with a Kn*fe in one hand and a set of tongs in the other. The hand pauses, seems to be breathing(?). Buffy comes closer. The hand moves across the crate, climbs up onto a skull. Buffy prepares to att*ck it. Suddenly it jumps down from the skull, startling her. It perches on the edge of the crate. Buffy reaches out with the tongs and grabs. Cut to above. The woman customer looks into a paper bag with a disgusted expression as Buffy watches. Then the woman looks up at Buffy. BUFFY: Fingers sold separately. The woman scowls. Sound of the door jingling. Cut back to the beginning of the scene again. Buffy turns around to see the woman entering. Buffy sighs in annoyance, starts forward. Anya stops her. ANYA: Where are you going? BUFFY: (points) Lady needs a mummy hand. ANYA: What? You haven't even talked to her yet. BUFFY: I could explain, but you would just forget it. ANYA: I'm worried about you. Um, retail is a, is a fast-paced and exciting world. I mean, this whole day, has it gone by too quickly for you? BUFFY: No. No, I don't think that's exactly the problem. Buffy starts toward the customer again as Giles comes up. GILES: Buffy, a word in your ear. Um, if you, uh, think of the store as a, as a library, (cleaning glasses) it'll help you to, to, uh, concentrate on, on ... service rather than selling. BUFFY: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam. GILES: (not listening) Yes, uh, quite, quite, yes. Giles puts his glasses back on and turns away. Buffy rolls her eyes, starts toward the customers. She grabs the lemon candle. MALE CUSTOMER: Miss, I- Buffy shoves the candle into his hand and continues toward the woman. BUFFY: Mummy hand, right? You got it, lady. The female customer looks bemused as Buffy just walks on toward the basement. Cut to a little later. Buffy pulls at the mummy hand which is trying to strangle the woman customer. She gets it loose, only to have it latch onto the woman's throat again. We see that Buffy is behind the counter by the cash register, with the customer on the other side of the counter. The woman's eyes bulge as the hand strangles her. Cut to: the bell jingling again. Buffy turns around, very annoyed. She stalks toward the front, totally ignores the male customer. MALE CUSTOMER: Miss... Buffy strides over to the front door, pulls it open with a jingle and steps outside... ...only to emerge in the store again, at the rear. As if she just came in through the back door. Giles, Anya, and the two customers turn to stare at her. Buffy stares back, dismayed. MALE CUSTOMER: Miss? FEMALE CUSTOMER: Hi. Cut to Buffy in the basement with her chin resting on her hand, watching idly as the mummy hand plays with the tongs. The bell jingles and she looks up. Cut to upstairs. Buffy goes over to the front door and, with a grimace, pulls the bell down, ripping it from the wall. She gives a satisfied smile. Cut to close-up of the bell, still attached, jingling as the door opens again. Buffy strides toward the front, passing the male customer as he examines the candles. Buffy grabs the slug-scented candle. BUFFY: Ya like slug? (tosses it to him without slowing down) Go with slug. She's not gonna sleep with you anyway. Cut to the van. The geeks are still watching. WARREN: (fake angry voice) This mummy hand has ceased to be! (on screen we see the woman customer shaking the mummy hand at Buffy) ANDREW: It is an ex-mummy hand! Warren smacks Andrew in the face with a rubber hand. Cut back to the store. The door opens. Giles comes up to Buffy, cleaning his glasses. GILES: Buffy, a word in your ear. Buffy grabs Giles's glasses, throws them to the floor and stomps on them again and again. Giles watches in surprise. The door jingles. Buffy turns, looking a little desperate. sh*t of the woman customer looking at the merchandise. BUFFY: It's you. (runs over to the woman, grabs her by the front of her jacket) You, you're doing this! FEMALE CUSTOMER: Oh! Oh! Buffy hustles her toward the door. Cut to the bell jingling. Buffy stands with Giles, turns around toward the door. sh*t of the male customer as the candle hits him in the stomach and he doubles over. The bell jingles. Cut to Buffy standing there with Giles and Anya behind her. Buffy sobs in frustration. Cut to the bell jingling. Cut to Buffy talking to the woman. BUFFY: I know we promised you a mummy hand, it's just ... (apologetic) I-I can't get it for you. Um ... (gets an idea) There's something wrong with it. It's defective. FEMALE CUSTOMER: Defective? Are you sure? I - there must be something you can do. BUFFY: But there's no way to get- Buffy suddenly stops as she realizes the solution to the problem. A slow smile comes over her face. BUFFY: ...to get *that* hand. But I can special-order one. We can deliver it anywhere you want. FEMALE CUSTOMER: (smiling happily) Really? Cut to Buffy at the cash register with the customer on the other side of the counter. The cash register rings as Buffy closes the sale. BUFFY: (smiling) Thank you for shopping at the Magic Box. The woman hands Buffy the special-order slip and leaves. Cut to the van. JONATHAN: Oh ho! Yes! The Geeks laugh and give each other high-fives. ANDREW: So ... (doing calculations on a piece of paper) Warren had 220 ... and I had that bonus for getting her fired... JONATHAN: But the biggest component has to be how long it took to finish. Mine took the longest. ANDREW: Only from a perspective external to the time-loops. From Mr. Giles' perspective, it was shortest of all. JONATHAN: (disappointed) So what do we do? WARREN: Oh, it's obvious. I mean, it's not over. Cut back to the magic shop. Buffy is finishing up the paperwork. Anya and Giles come toward her, smiling. GILES: Buffy, your first sale! (applauds) Congratulations. Buffy smiles. Anya takes the invoice and examines it. ANYA: You, you didn't charge for delivery. GILES: Oh. Well, your first day, you know, these things happen. ANYA: (smiling) Yeah, I'll just take it out of your pay. Buffy gives her a sour look. GILES: Yes, um, I'm sure B-Buffy would understand that. Buffy walks around Anya to get out from behind the counter. She slaps something down on the counter and keeps walking. BUFFY: Absolutely. Close-up on the counter. The thing Buffy put down was her name tag. It reads, "Hello! My name is," then a white space with "BUFFY" written in it, and then, "Ask me about curses!" Giles looks at it, looks at Anya. Anya looks toward the door. Long sh*t of Buffy going to the front door and opening it. Close-up on the bell jingling. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on close sh*t of Spike looking to his left with a small smile. It's dark. BUFFY: (OS) This is gonna be great. We see Buffy holding up a sh*t-glass full of liquor. She pours the sh*t down her throat, swallows it and makes a horrible face. BUFFY: Blaaah! (shakes head) We see that Buffy and Spike are sitting on a coffin in Spike's crypt. Spike lifts his own sh*t-glass to his mouth and slams it down. BUFFY: Life is stupid. SPIKE: I have a dim memory of that, yeah. (puts glass down) And I didn't figure you were here cadging my whiskey 'cause life's all full of blood and peaches. BUFFY: No. There's this thing ... someone's doing stuff to me. Messing up my life. Except that it was kind of pre-messed already. You know, with school, and jobs ... pretty bad even without the evil. SPIKE: So you, uh, just what? Gonna let this whoever play you till it figures out what kills you? BUFFY: (shrugs, puts down her glass) Giles is working on it. SPIKE: (laughs) Oh, good, 'cause Giles wields the mighty force of library books. BUFFY: You'd do better? SPIKE: Damn right! I'd h*t the demon world. Buffy has Spike's whiskey flask in her hand. She begins refilling the two glasses as Spike brings one leg over the coffin so he's straddling it. SPIKE: Ask questions, throw punches, find out what's in the air. Hmm? It's fun too. BUFFY: (slurred) It's not my kind of fun. (screwing cap back onto the flask) SPIKE: Yeah. It is. She looks at him. SPIKE: (quietly) And your life's gonna get a lot less confusing when you figure that out. BUFFY: (slurred) You have had *so* too much to drink at this point, I am cuttin' you off. They both empty their glasses again. Buffy again makes her alcohol face. BUFFY: Blaaah! (shakes head) Spike watches this with a smile. SPIKE: You're not a schoolgirl. You're not a shop girl. Buffy pours from the flask into her glass again, emptying the flask. SPIKE: You're a creature of the darkness. Like me. (Buffy looks at him) Try on my world. See how good it feels. BUFFY: Are there drinks in your world? Spike grins. Cut to a seedy bar. Loud rock music, people drinking. Pan across to the door. Spike enters, followed by Buffy. She grimaces. BUFFY: Your motorcycle is loud. BARTENDER: Sssspike. We see that the bartender has a forked tongue. Spike nods a greeting to him. SPIKE: (counting out money) The usual, Dave, and one for the lady. (to Buffy) We're heading for the back room, pet. The bartender has set out two sh*t glasses and begins to fill them, but Buffy grabs the bottle out of his hand, removes the pour-spout and drinks straight from the bottle. Spike sighs, peels off a few more bills and gives the money to the bartender. SPIKE: It's where the real action is. Spike takes the two sh*t-glasses and heads toward the back. Buffy follows, making her alcohol face. Cut to Spike and Buffy entering the back room. Lots of shelves filled with liquor boxes. Sound of voices. SPIKE: (to Buffy) These lowlifes know everything happens in this town. BUFFY: (too loudly) Oh, good. These are the lowlifes. We see four demons sitting around a green-felt-covered table, playing cards. They all turn to look. SPIKE: Fine. A little louder. Spike walks over to the table. SPIKE: Boys, what's the game? We see one demon with many eyes, one with scaly skin and a bunch of tentacles that look like dreadlocks, one with a green face and horns, and one with very loose skin. GREEN DEMON: You know the game, Spike. You in? MANY-EYED DEMON: He kills our kind. Don't let him in. Spike grabs the many-eyed demon by the front of his jacket, pulls him up out of his chair. BUFFY: Ooh, ask him if he's heard- SPIKE: Later. Spike shoves the demon toward the door, sits down in his seat and picks up his cards. BUFFY: (disbelieving) You're gonna play cards? Spike looks exasperated, gives the demons a fake smile. SPIKE: I need a moment with my lady. The demons shrug. Spike gets up, goes to Buffy and puts his hand on her arm to turn her away. She shoves him off, but moves away with him anyway. The demons continue talking in the background. BUFFY: You wanna play, that's fine. Okay? I am sticking to the original plan. (gestures at demons) Which one do I k*ll for information? SPIKE: Listen. These guys talk while they play. We'll get more information out of their mouths than out of gaping holes in their corpses. Buffy frowns, looks from Spike to the demons and back again, finally rolls her eyes in agreement. Spike returns to his seat. Buffy takes a chair a little bit away from the table, removes her jacket and sits with the bottle of whiskey. SPIKE: I'm in. Everybody okay with that? LOOSE-SKINNED DEMON: (shrugs) Ante up. The three demons all turn to reach under their chairs. Each demon produces a small kitten. They put the kittens in a basket on the table. The kittens mew. BUFFY: You play for kittens?! SPIKE: So, who's gonna advance me a tiny tabby, get me started? The demons all look away casually. SPIKE: Come on, someone's gotta stake me. BUFFY: (grinning) I'll do it! Spike turns to give her a look. BUFFY: What, you thought I was just gonna let that lie there? She takes a swig from the bottle. Spike looks like he's having second thoughts about bringing Buffy here. BUFFY: (OS) Blaaah! Cut to the black van moving down the street. It's night, the headlights are on. Cut to inside. Jonathan sits in the passenger seat and Andrew in the middle while Warren drives. JONATHAN: Where're we going? WARREN: To Final Jeopardy. Where Buffy's the one in jeopardy. ANDREW: We are really super-villains now, like ... like Dr. No. (Jonathan grins) WARREN: Yeah, back when Bond was Connery, and movies were decent. JONATHAN: (scornful) Who remembers Connery? I mean, Roger Moore was smooth. WARREN: You're insane. You're short, and you're insane. ANDREW: I like Timothy Dalton! Warren smacks Andrew upside the head. ANDREW: Hey! WARREN: Don't make me pull over, okay? Cut to the back room of the bar. Kitten mewing noises continue. Spike looks at his cards, grins, puts them down on the table. We see that he has a straight, 4-5-6-7-8 of clubs. The other demons groan and throw down their cards. Spike smiles, stands up. We see that the table is now covered with kittens. Spike opens the lid of a basket and begins trying to put the kittens in the basket. GREEN DEMON: You're lucky today, Spike. SPIKE: Got my good-luck charm with me. (gestures with a kitten toward Buffy, who's making her alcohol face) SCALY DEMON: You cleaned us out. No-one's that lucky. LOOSE-SKINNED DEMON: Yeah. I'm starting to think you cheat. SPIKE: (sits) Me? I cheat? He's got X-ray vision! (points to scaly demon) SCALY DEMON: I'm not using it. LOOSE-SKINNED DEMON: (stands up angrily) *We* are not the ones who are cheating! Spike looks at him. Close sh*t of the demon's arm. An ace of spades is stuck in the folds of skin. He pulls it free as the others watch. LOOSE-SKINNED DEMON: I, I had no idea that was there. I could have leaned on that days ago. GREEN DEMON: You better go, Spike. Things could get ugly. SCALY DEMON: Got ugly the second he walked in. (disgusted) Him and his human. LOOSE-SKINNED DEMON: Her skin's so tight, I don't even know how you can look at her. Spike stands up angrily and confronts the demon. The green demon gets up too. GREEN DEMON: Leave your winnings and get out. (Spike looks at him in surprise) We'll forget this whole thing. SPIKE: Ah, so it's a setup, isn't it? Squeeze a few quid outta the vamp. Well, I'll tell you what you didn't count on. (indicates Buffy) Me and the bird. BUFFY: (O.S.) Blaaah. SPIKE: You wanna fight? You face the two of us. BUFFY: What? I'm not getting into a bar fight! (very drunk) I'll b*at 'em up for information, great, but not to defend your right to gamble for kittens! Which, by the way, is stupid currency. GREEN DEMON: They're delicious! (other demons nod) SPIKE: (wheedling) Come on, Slayer, a big fight's just what you need. BUFFY: Forget it. I'm not playing by anyone else's rules any more. (gets up) I'm done. She staggers drunkenly over to the table, opens the basket and tips it over, setting the kittens free. All the demons yell in protest. DEMON: Hey, I won those two! BUFFY: Be free, kittens! DEMON: They're getting away! Buffy turns and leaves as the demons frantically try to re-capture the kittens. The kittens run around under the table, meowing. Spike hurries off after Buffy. Cut to the main bar room. Buffy walks quickly through, putting her jacket on. Spike grabs her shoulder, turns her around. SPIKE: What's wrong, luv? BUFFY: What's wrong?! You were gonna help me! You, you were gonna b*at heads and, and, and fix my life! But you're completely lame! She gestures wildly with her arm. Her jacket falls down her arm and dangles from one hand. Spike simply listens to her tirade, looking surprised. BUFFY: Tonight sucks! And, and look at me! Look at, look at stupid Buffy! (pulls jacket back up her arm) Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. (finishes putting on jacket) And, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even *before* the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a ... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker. SPIKE: (embarrassed) Oh, you saw the cheating, did you. BUFFY: Also? I think you're drunk. She whirls around and storms out of the bar. Spike stands there, makes an expression of extreme frustration. Cut to the interior of the van, rear. Andrew emerges from the front into the rear, followed by Warren. Jonathan comes last. WARREN: (to Andrew) Connery is Bond. He had style. JONATHAN: Yeah, but Roger Moore was funny. WARREN: Moonraker? The gondola turns into a hovercraft? It's ret*rd. Besides, the guy had, like, no edge. ANDREW: Dalton had edge. In Licence to k*ll he was a rogue agent. That's edgy. (Warren and Jonathan give him looks of disbelief) And he was amazing in The Living Daylights. JONATHAN: Yeah, which was written for Roger Moore, not Timothy Dalton! WARREN: (annoyed) Okay, this is stupid! We're wasting time. End of discussion. The other two nod and turn to their consoles, begin typing. b*at. WARREN: (very angry) I mean, there's a sh*t of like *pigeons*, doing double-takes when the gondola blasted by! Moonraker ... is inexcusable. The others just look at him. Cut to Spike coming out of the bar, walking quickly, waving his hands in annoyance. He's looking at the ground, so he nearly bumps into Buffy who's standing on the street, arms crossed, staring at something down the street. Spike sighs and rolls his eyes. BUFFY: That van. Spike looks where she's looking. sh*t of the black van parked by the sidewalk. SPIKE: You wanna steal a van, I'm with you, luv, but we have got the motorcycle. (gestures behind them) BUFFY: (shakes head) I've seen it before. At the construction site. She takes a couple of steps forward. Cut to inside the van. Warren is in foreground with his back to Andrew in background. WARREN: Connery is the only actor of the bunch. ANDREW: Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar and (yells) b*at Sean Connery over the head with it! WARREN: (grimly) Okay, that's it. Warren spins around, grabs Andrew, gets him in a headlock. They struggle. JONATHAN: Hey! Stop it! Guys! Jonathan tries to break them up, looks up at the monitors, gasps. JONATHAN: Look! They all look. The monitors show Buffy walking toward the van. ANDREW: Oh, she's coming over here! What do we do? WARREN: Jonathan, grab your magic bone. Warren and Andrew burst into giggles again. Jonathan looks at them in annoyance. Cut to outside. Buffy approaches the van, frowning. Spike stays where he is several yards back. Suddenly a large demon comes around the van and growls at Buffy. He has red skin, curved horns and wings, and wears only a loincloth. DEMON: Rrrah! You have discovered me! (puts hands on hips) But do not try to defeat me, for I have been testing you and I know your weaknesses. Ha ha ha! The demon suddenly looks over in dismay as the van starts up and begins to drive off. Buffy goes over to the demon, tries to punch it, but being drunk she misses the first time. She kicks out and gets the demon square in the groin. DEMON: Ooh! Oh! The demon doubles over in pain. Buffy falls backward onto her butt. Spike runs over and helps Buffy up. BUFFY: I'm okay! I'm fine! Get off me! (Spike makes a "okay, okay" gesture) DEMON: I am well struck! (voice breaking) I call on the misty portal to my demon dimension, where I will lay my head and gently die. The demon throws something on the ground which causes a shower of sparks and a cloud of smoke. Then he turns and runs away. Buffy and Spike cough and wave the smoke away. BUFFY: He blew up. Did you see that? SPIKE: (looks around in confusion) Yeah, I saw. He's gone. BUFFY: (shrugs) Gotta love it, you know. (Spike looks at her with a smile) It makes you feel all powerful. (uncertainly) Strong. b*at. She looks a little ill. Spike continues looking at her. BUFFY: Kinda sick. Cut to the van parked on a dark side street. Warren's at the wheel. Andrew in the passenger seat. The demon comes up on the driver's side, panting. DEMON: She hurt me all over. WARREN: Someone'll see you! Get in the back. DEMON: I won't fit. ANDREW: Well, do the ... thing. DEMON: Oh, right. Let the spell be ended! The demon shrinks and turns back into Jonathan, holding the loincloth around his waist (as it is now much too big for him). He groans in pain, hobbles over to the back of the van. The other two go through the bead curtain. Jonathan opens the back door and climbs into the van. JONATHAN: Ahh! Ow. Warren wraps a blanket around Jonathan. JONATHAN: (plops into a chair still groaning) Ohh, next time I do that spell, one of you guys has to look like the demon. ANDREW: (awed) The Slayer touched you. JONATHAN: (sourly) Yeah, it was sexy the way she touched me real hard with her fists. I only looked big. I actually had the proportional strength of ... uh ... me. WARREN: Guys, think about this. We took on the Slayer. I mean, we've got all kinds of stuff in the computer now ... speed, strength, reaction time ... we're getting what we need to really become a thr*at to her. We tested her, faced her ... and we survived. JONATHAN: Unless I have internal injuries that will eventually k*ll me. ANDREW: Oh, of course, but barring that, Warren's right. We did good! WARREN: (nods) The Trio ... versus the Slayer. It's not over. They all nod and smile. ANDREW: Plus, look what Warren and me discovered by accident before we drove away! Andrew jumps up and gets into one of the chairs, fiddling with the equipment. The other two come to look over his shoulder. JONATHAN: What? They all stare at the screens. ANDREW/WARREN/JONATHAN: (unison) Free cable p*rn! Cut to: interior Summers house, night. Giles stands in the hallway outside the bathroom holding a glass of water. The bathroom door opens and Buffy comes out, walking slowly. Giles gives her the glass. GILES: Feel any better? BUFFY: I think at one point, I actually turned completely inside out. (walks into her room) But yeah, better. (drinks) GILES: I'm sorry I didn't, uh, find this demon with my research. BUFFY: (sits on floor next to the bed) Aw, it's okay. I-it wasn't much of a fight. She pulls a fringed blanket off the bed, bunches it up and holds it against her middle. BUFFY: I got lucky. She puts her elbow on the bed and rests her forehead on her hand. BUFFY: (quietly) I'm really screwing up, Giles. GILES: What? Come on. (sits on the bed) You were being tested ... sequentially, by some ... unknown demon. I don't call that screwing up. BUFFY: No, it completely is. I let the demon set the rules. GILES: Go easy on yourself, will you? I mean, you don't have to figure the whole thing out at once, you know, job and everything. You're pushing yourself too hard. BUFFY: The nice people at the phone company? Seem to think it's not hard enough. GILES: Well, maybe there's something I can do about that. (takes something from his pocket) This is, um ... I... It's a folded piece of paper. Giles turns it over and over in his hands, then holds it out to Buffy. GILES: It's for you. BUFFY: (takes it) A check? She unfolds the check, looks at the amount, looks stunned. BUFFY: This is, is too much, I can't take it. GILES: Well, tear it up then. (reaches for it) BUFFY: (snatches it away from him) No! I was just being polite. (smiles) I'm taking the money. Giles smiles, leans on the bed. Buffy looks at the check again. BUFFY: This is, this is great. This is more than great. Giles puts his hand on her shoulder. She looks up at him. BUFFY: I don't ... really know how to say this ... (softly) but it's a little like having Mom back. GILES: In this scenario, I am your mother? BUFFY: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father? Giles grins a little, then pulls a serious face. GILES: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle? BUFFY: (smiles) I'm just saying ... (seriously) Thank you. So much. Buffy tries to get up, groans in pain. Giles gets up, helps her stand. BUFFY: I'm gonna ... show this to Dawn. She loves it when things get easy. She walks to the door, looking at the check. Pauses in the doorway, turns back to Giles. BUFFY: I just ... wanna tell you ... that, um ... this ... makes me feel safe. Knowing you're always gonna be here. Giles gives her a smile and a nod. But as soon as Buffy turns to leave the room, his smile turns to a worried frown and he sighs. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x05 - Life Serial"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Anya walking away from the house. Xander intercepting her. XANDER: Anya! What's wrong with you? ANYA: First you, you give me this beautiful ring, and then I can't wear it in public. I mean, don't you wanna get married? XANDER: Yes. Dawn and Tara in the magic shop. DAWN: Come on, Tara. I am so old enough to do research. BUFFY: You do research now? Want a cappuccino and a pack of cigarettes to go with it? Dawn and Buffy in their house. DAWN: Why should I care about any of this? BUFFY: Because they'll take you away! If I can't make you go to school ... then I won't be found fit to be your legal guardian. Willow and Buffy in the workout room. WILLOW: Since you've ... been back, you haven't exactly been big with the whole range of human emotions thing. Spike and Buffy in the house. SPIKE: I know you'll never love me. But you treat me like a man. Open on the magic shop, day. It's Halloween and the shop is filled with customers, including many laughing children. Pan across a large banner reading "Halloween Bone-Anza" with the letters spelled out in paper bones (the O in "Bone" is a paper skull). Anya moves through the store on roller-skates. She wears very short candy-striped shorts, a red blouse, and Farrah Fawcett hair. ANYA: (to customer) Um, everything on this table's half off. Including the table. She skates on. ANYA: (to second customer) Buy one eyeball, get the second one free! In the background we see Giles working the cash register, wearing a wizard robe. In foreground is Xander, dressed as a pirate, talking to some children. He holds a jar. XANDER: Arrr! Careful, me mateys! These be fireflies spat from a volcano off the coast of Katmandu. Arr! LITTLE BOY: (dressed as a fireman) You're not a real pirate! Real pirates live on boats and don't look stupid! XANDER: (fake laugh) Oh, a salty swabbie! Maybe you be fishin' for the taste ... of me hook! He shakes his hook-hand in the boy's face. The boy is unimpressed. GILES: (calls) Uh, hello, Ahab, a little help please? XANDER: Arr, and help ye shall have, arr! Xander gives the boy a menacing look and goes off, scratching his neck with the hook. Dawn walks across the store, dressed normally. She puts something down on the table next to Anya. DAWN: So what are you supposed to be? ANYA: An angel. DAWN: Oh. Shouldn't you have wings? ANYA: Oh no, this is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don't have wings, we just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime. Where's your costume? (skates away) DAWN: (follows) Like I'm six years old? Halloween's so lame. ANYA: But you get to dress up, and play games! Xander's gonna teach me a new one after work called Shiver Me Timbers. Ever play? Tara appears just in time to hear this and intervene. TARA: Uh, Dawn, Willow could use some help in magical texts. DAWN: (grins) I'm all over it. (walks away) ANYA: (to Tara) How 'bout you, ever play Shiver Me Timbers? TARA: I'm not really much for the timber. Cut to Willow on the other side of the room holding up a book on witchcraft. WILLOW: (angrily) I'm just saying you might wanna rethink the stereotype before someone turns *you* into a toad. We see that she's talking to a woman in traditional Halloween witch costume (hooked nose, pointy black hat, warts, etc.). The woman looks annoyed, grabs the book and walks away. WILLOW: And while you're at it, why don't you try removing that broomstick from your- Dawn appears behind the witch, approaching Willow. WILLOW: (catches herself) Dawn! DAWN: Hey. Don't stop the invective on account of me. WILLOW: If I see one more idiot that thinks witches are all hairy moles and rotted teeth- WITCHY-POO: Excuse me, do you have any candy corn? Willow and Dawn look down to see a tiny little girl dressed in a similar witch costume. WILLOW: Oh, look at you! (kneels by the girl) You are just the cutest thing! DAWN: I-I thought you said- WILLOW: I know, but look, with the hat, and the, the wart! (smiles) Oh! Let's go fill your tummy up with sugary niblets, okay? Willow leads the cute little witch away. Dawn watches with a smile. Then Dawn looks down at a nearby display table. sh*t of a large gold coin with a picture of a dragon on it. Dawn looks around furtively, picks up the coin and slips it in her pocket. ANYA: (OS) Buffy! Dawn tries to look casual, walks off. Cut to Anya skating over to Buffy. Buffy carries a large cardboard box. ANYA: We're running low on mandrake root. Check the basement. (skates off) BUFFY: (to herself) Don't blame me if we have this conversation over and over... (walks off) Cut to the basement. Buffy comes down the stairs still holding the box. BUFFY: ...and over ... and over, and over. She reaches the bottom of the stairs and turns to go around them, just as Spike emerges from underneath them. BUFFY: Oh! Both jump in surprise, then sigh. BUFFY: Bell. Neck. Look into it. SPIKE: Come with a nice leather collar, does it? BUFFY: What are you doing lurking down here? SPIKE: (sighs) Came through the tunnels. (holds up a handful of vines) Running low on burba weed. Stir it in with the blood. Makes it all hot 'n spicy. Buffy makes a very "ew" face, turns away to put the box down. SPIKE: What? I was gonna pay for it. Buffy gives him a skeptical look as she comes back toward him. SPIKE: I mean, no. I was gonna nick it, 'cause that's what I do. (sighs) I go where I please and I take what I want, and what's your excuse anyway? (nods toward upstairs) I thought you'd had it to the brim with customer disservice. BUFFY: One-time deal to help out. And I mean straight time. No loop-de-loop mummy hand repeat-o-vision. Spike nods understanding. Buffy looks around, looks embarrassed. BUFFY: Where's the mandrake root? Spike looks around, moves toward a shelf covered with jars. SPIKE: Um ... here. (takes down a jar) Only three to a jar. (gives her the jar) Tend to ... go a bit wonky if you cram them too close. BUFFY: Thanks. SPIKE: Feel like a bit of the rough and tumble? BUFFY: (shocked) What? SPIKE: Me ... you... She stares at him, still shocked. SPIKE: Patrolling? Hello? BUFFY: Oh. Uh ... I ... should stay. Maybe tomorrow. It's a little awkward. They both turn away, Buffy toward the stairs and Spike toward the direction he came from. SPIKE: It's not like I don't already have plans. Great Pumpkin's on in twenty. He turns and leaves. Buffy shakes her head. BUFFY: (to herself) So much easier to talk to when he wanted to k*ll me. She heads up the stairs. Cut to above. Buffy emerges from the basement, still carrying the jar of mandrake root. She closes the door, takes a few steps forward and is intercepted by Anya, who takes the jar. ANYA: Ooh! Go help Giles. (skates away) Buffy turns and goes through the swing-door that separates the area behind the cash register from the rest of the store. Giles is busily ringing up a customer at the cash register. There's a long line of other customers waiting. BUFFY: What happened to Xander? GILES: He kept poking me with his hook. (Buffy picks up an item from the counter) I sent him over to charmed objects. With any luck he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a 50-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates. While speaking the previous line Giles rings up a sale and packs several items into a bag. Now he takes the item Buffy is holding, puts it in the bag and gives it to a customer. GILES: We've got a ton of bagging to do here. BUFFY: Actually, Spike had a really good idea. You know, maybe I should (quietly) patrol. GILES: Buffy, you've been patrolling every night this week. (takes an item from a customer, rings it up) Besides, it's Halloween, it's the one time of the year that supernatural thr*at give it a well-deserved rest. As should you. BUFFY: Yeah, what about costumes that take over your personality? Or, wee little Irish fear-demon-y thingies? GILES: Yes, well, if anything calamitous should happen, history suggests it'll happen to one of us. (hands a customer some change) BUFFY: Right, exactly, so I should patrol to avoid any of that- (Giles shoves the item in her hand) and I'm bagging. Cut to the street, day. Children in costume run around, shouting. An elderly man in a brown suit and hat walks down the street, carrying a large paper bag, humming "Pop Goes The Weasel." He walks up the stairs to a house. Cut to inside. The old man enters, still humming. He puts his hat on a hook and walks through the house. We see toys everywhere on shelves and tables, many of them carved out of wood. The old man continues humming as he goes into the kitchen. A large pot is on the stove, steaming. He sniffs it briefly, puts the bag down on the counter. KALTENBACH: (sings to the same tune) Da da da da da-da da da, happy Halloween. He looks out the window at the street. sh*t of a bunch of kids on the sidewalk talking. KALTENBACH: Ha ha! Give you ... something ... special this year. He turns and opens a drawer, takes out a large Kn*fe. He tests the blade with his thumb while humming the final notes of the tune. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Special Guest Star Anthony Stewart Head. Guest Starring John O'Leary, Kavan Reece, Amber Tamblyn, Dave Power, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Stephen S. DeKnight, directed by David Solomon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of the magic shop, night. A few people exit. Cut to inside. Dawn stands at the door waving the last customers out. DAWN: Come again! (weak laugh) She closes the door and leans against it with a grimace. DAWN: Uhh! In a zillion years. We see Xander lying on his back on the floor. XANDER: Store go boom. (waves his hook hand weakly) Arr. Wider sh*t of the others sitting around looking very tired. Giles and Buffy sit on the steps beside Xander; Willow and Tara in chairs nearby. We see Anya behind the counter. ANYA: That was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. Xander lifts his head to look over at her. ANYA: Except for that. Dawn walks across the room to join Anya behind the counter. ANYA: What you all did for me tonight ... the astounding heaps of money you helped me- (Xander clears his throat) ...us acquire. All I can say is, I hope we make as much tomorrow. BUFFY: (in dismay) Tomorrow? ANYA: Oh, post-holiday clearance. (smiles) The cornerstone of retail. Everyone groans. Giles gets to his feet with a grimace. GILES: Brooms all around, then. WILLOW: Or I could whip up a jaunty self-cleaning incantation, it'll be like Fantasia. GILES: We all know how splendidly that turned out for Mickey. (gives Willow a broom and dustpan) WILLOW: I think I'm a little more adept than a cartoon mouse. TARA: And you have more fingers, which is good, 'cause... (sh*t of Anya counting her money) ...there's no need to wear those big white gloves to overcompensate. BUFFY: (to Xander) You know, if you had a real peg leg, you wouldn't just have a lame costume, you'd actually be lame. Which is completely different. Xander isn't listening; he's staring at Anya. Anya and Dawn are behind the counter, doing a little dance. DAWN: (smiling) You do this every night? ANYA: Every time I close out the cash register. The dance of capitalist superiority. Anya continues dancing, and Dawn copies her movement. Xander continues watching. XANDER: (softly) I'm gonna marry that girl. BUFFY: What?! She's fifteen and my sister, so don't ev- (gets it) Oh. XANDER: Hey, everybody. (stands up) Can I, um ... uh ... there's something Anya and I ... wanna tell you. He walks over to the counter. Anya comes to his side, holding a stack of paper money. ANYA: (quietly) Now? XANDER: Now. Xander puts his arm around Anya's shoulders, turns to face the rest of the g*ng. XANDER: We're getting married. DAWN: (smiling) Oh my god. TARA: Congratulations! Buffy and Giles walk closer. WILLOW: (not smiling) That ... that's ... wow. XANDER: It's a big wow. ANYA: (to Xander) I ... I thought you were waiting for the right moment. Xander gazes fondly at her. XANDER: I did. They kiss. Dawn watches intently. Anya giggles as the kiss ends. ANYA: Here, have some money! Anya tosses money at Dawn, who catches some of it, smiling. Anya and Xander resume kissing. BUFFY: (quietly to Giles) Did you know about this? GILES: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, (glancing at Xander and Anya) much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue. Giles removes his glasses and begins to clean them. Buffy watches this with an expression of outrage. BUFFY: (shocked) Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you don't have to see what we're doing? GILES: Tell no one. (puts glasses on) Buffy looks back over at Anya and Xander. They are still kissing. BUFFY: Giles, this is... sh*t of Dawn watching the kissing with a wistful smile. Cut back to Buffy and Giles. BUFFY: ...we have to do something. Cut to a close-up of Anya's hand, wearing the engagement ring. Another hand is holding hers. ANYA: And he said he couldn't imagine the rest of his life without me, and then he gave me this! Pull out to reveal Xander standing beside her. It's Dawn holding Anya's hand to look at the ring. We're in the Summers living room. Music in the background. XANDER: Which I'll be paying for the rest of my life. DAWN: Can I try it on? ANYA: (big smile) Oh, absolutely not. Giles and Buffy appear from the kitchen, carrying cups. GILES: Where I come from, this sort of thing requires much in the way of libation. Everyone takes a cup. XANDER: God save the queen! BUFFY: Sorry we couldn't do the big fancy. You kinda caught us with our parties down. ANYA: Oh, that's okay. This is just the first premarital celebration. There'll be lots more. With gifts. Tara and Willow appear with bowls of snacks. TARA: Sure, maybe we'll even have time to decorate for the next one. WILLOW: Why wait? Willow speaks a few words of Japanese(?) and a shimmer goes through the room. When it passes, the room is decorated with paper lanterns and streamers. Dawn laughs with pleasure. The others look around. Tara looks unhappy. ANYA: This is so much better than the way it usually looks. Thank you. Anya hugs Willow. Giles gives a disapproving look, which he shares with Tara. Cut to the kitchen. Willow pours snacks from a bag into a large bowl. Tara sits by the island. TARA: The grocery store's still open, we ... could've bought decorations there. WILLOW: Why bother? These are perfect. And extra biodegradable-y. In a couple of hours, poof! TARA: No, they're, they're great, it's just ... why use magic when you can do something naturally? WILLOW: Well, you can fight monsters naturally, with sticks and stones. Don't recommend it though. (drinking from a cup) TARA: It's different. WILLOW: How? TARA: Becau- (sighs) Because you're protecting people. Keeping them from being hurt. WILLOW: Which makes them happy. Like pretty decorations made Anya happy. TARA: (sighs) That's not the point, Will. WILLOW: Why are you being like this? TARA: This isn't about me! WILLOW: This is so about you. You're always coming down on me for, for doing magic that couldn't harm a fly. What's your problem? TARA: Willow, I j-just wish that you would stop and think about what you're- Tara stops as she sees Willow looking toward the door. Dawn is standing there. DAWN: (nervous) Sorry. Just checkin' on the chips. WILLOW: It's okay. We're done. Willow takes the bowl of chips and walks out. Dawn gives Tara an anxious look, then follows Willow. Cut to the living room. Buffy and Xander are hugging. BUFFY: You're getting married! You! XANDER: (hoarsely) Me. Choking. BUFFY: Oh, sorry. (lets him go) I just, I can't believe it. Seems like only yesterday you had to pay a girl to date you. XANDER: Like I'd ever pay. (snickers nervously) Define 'date.' Willow and Dawn approach carrying the bowl of snacks. BUFFY: I was only out of commission for three months. (to Willow) How many other things have changed since I've been away? DAWN: (smiling) Ooh, I got a tattoo! BUFFY: (shocked) What?! WILLOW: Which is why we told her no. DAWN: (wheedling) Just a little one? BUFFY: Over my d*ad body. (Willow sits on sofa) The kind that doesn't come back. Anya enters. DAWN: (pouty) Fine. (sees Anya) Congratulations. Dawn hugs Anya briefly. DAWN: You're very lucky. Finding a guy like him. XANDER: Not as lucky as me. Xander kisses Anya on the cheek. Buffy watches with a smile. DAWN: See you guys tomorrow? (starts to leave) BUFFY: Whoa! (grabs Dawn's arm) Tomorrow? DAWN: Yeah. I'm sleeping over at Janice's, remember? BUFFY: That's tonight? DAWN: No. It's on the other Halloween. (Giles enters with more snacks) Come on, you said I could. BUFFY: Uh ... (glances at Willow) Well ... I know I did, it's just, you know, now with Xander's party, I- XANDER: Ah, we're good. But you have to get us some extra gifts for our reception. ANYA: Yes please. BUFFY: I-I don't know. Giles? GILES: Uh, it's really not up to me. DAWN: Come on. It's four blocks away, I'll walk straight over. Not like I'm gonna be roaming the streets. (cajoling) Please? Cut to Dawn walking down a residential street. It's very busy with parents and costumed kids walking around, sound of kids yelling and laughing. Dawn pauses, looks around, grins slightly and moves to her left. Cut to Dawn walking down a dark alley. The sound of children is gone; distant police sirens instead. Dawn hears a banging noise and slows. DAWN: Hello? She walks forward slowly, picking up a piece of wood and holding it like a club. We can vaguely see the shapes of two people through the slats of a large wooden box. Dawn walks up to the box's opening and sees that it's two young people kissing. GUY: Hey! DAWN: Ooh! GIRL: Perv. DAWN: Sorry. I thought- Dawn backs away, bumping into someone behind her. She turns around with a gasp of fear, then smiles in relief as she sees the other girl. JANICE: Hey Summers. Did you get over the wall okay? DAWN: Yeah. My sister thinks I'm staying at your house. JANICE: Ahh. The Mominator thinks I'm staying at yours. (laughs) Can't believe they fell for that one, like, own a TV. She and Dawn both laugh. DAWN: So where're we meeting? JANICE: (proudly) The park. (fake spooky voice) That's where all the monsters gather on Halloween. The two girls smile, turn and walk away together. Cut to the park. A teenage boy (Zack) is standing on a swing. ZACK: Woohoo! We see two other boys and two girls sitting on a nearby bench with a stereo blaring. One of the boys (Justin) throws something at Zack. ZACK: To infinity and- (the thrown object hits him) ow! JUSTIN: (sarcastic) Oops. JANICE: Nice sh*t. Janice and Dawn walk up. Zack jumps down from the swing. He and Justin walk over to the girls. ZACK: Hey baby. (hugs Janice) JANICE: Hey. ZACK: What took you so long? JANICE: Ah, we stopped for crimes and misdemeanors. Zack, this is my friend Dawn I was telling you about. ZACK: (to Dawn) Hel-loooo. Zack leers at Dawn. Janice shoves him. ZACK: Ow. JUSTIN: (to Dawn) Hey. (sticks out his hand) Justin. DAWN: (shakes his hand) I know. I've seen you around at a couple of parties. JUSTIN: I've seen you too. Dawn looks very pleased to hear this. The other boy and the two girls walk by. BOY: Hey, we'll catch you guys later. They leave. ZACK: Alone at last. JANICE: So! What do you guys wanna do? Zack and Justin exchange a suggestive look, then look at the girls. Dawn smiles bashfully. Cut to a house with a cardboard witch decoration in front of it. An egg smashes against the witch. We see Zack standing on the lawn having just thrown the egg. Janice in background. ZACK: Yeah, three points! Woo! We see Dawn and Justin nearby. Justin is crouched by a car, letting the air out of its tires. DAWN: (to Justin) Uh, witches don't really look like that. JUSTIN: You got a lot of witch friends? DAWN: No! I mean, from stuff ... that I've read ... and stuff. Um, some of them are supposed to be really pretty, and you don't wanna get them mad- ZACK: (runs past) New target, come on! JUSTIN: Woo-hoo! Justin jumps up and runs after Zack. Janice walks over to Dawn and they begin walking after the guys. JANICE: So? DAWN: He's okay. JANICE: Ho-hum okay, or like ... 'oh my god I think I'm gonna pee my pants' okay? DAWN: Pee. They both giggle. Cut to a sh*t of a mailbox on a wooden stand, draped with orange crepe paper. A foot appears and kicks the mailbox off its stand. Pull back to reveal Zack who puts his foot back down and continues walking. He and Justin walk side-by-side. We can see the girls walking about twenty feet behind. ZACK: So what's the verdict, cap'n? Is little Justin in love? JUSTIN: I don't know. (punches Zack on the arm) She's cute. ZACK: Well, congratulations for having eyeballs. But what about, uh, you know, going all the way? Do you think- The girls can be heard giggling. Zack looks back and notices that the girls have gotten closer and are now in earshot. ZACK: (loudly) ...that the moon and the stars look lovely tonight? The girls stop giggling. All four continue walking. JANICE: Hey, you think when we're done with this juvie crap maybe we can do something else? I'm gettin' kinda bored. Zack looks off to his right, smiles, stops walking. ZACK: Just one more. sh*t of the old man's house from earlier. Cut to Xander sitting on the stairs inside the Summers house. A hand appears in front of him holding two plastic cups. He takes one. Giles sits beside him holding the other cup. GILES: Anya is a wonderful former vengeance demon, I'm sure you'll spend ... many years of ... non-hell-dimensional bliss. Xander smiles, looks a bit nervous. GILES: Is she moving in with you? XANDER: Um... GILES: You know, with your combined incomes, you might think about a down payment on a house. XANDER: Like the kind you *live* in? GILES: No rush. I'm sure you have plenty to think about with the arrangements for the wedding and so on. You've got the rest of your lives to plan the rest of your lives. XANDER: (laughs, nervously) Yeah, yeah. They sit there. Xander looks increasingly nervous. Cut back to the old man's house. JANICE: (OS) No way. Cut to the four teens standing and looking at the house. JANICE: You know who lives there? JUSTIN: Old man Kaltenbach. ZACK: Crusty old bastard. DAWN: Isn't he supposed to be ... mental or something? ZACK: Total looney-tunes. Pumpkins... Closer sh*t of the house. There's a pumpkin on the front step carved into a cheery smile. ZACK: (OS) Very dangerous. Cut back to Zack and Janice. He nudges her. ZACK: You go first. JANICE: Wha - huh - screw that! ZACK: Come on, show us how brave you are. Let's see those cute little girlie guts. Janice shoves him angrily. He just laughs. JUSTIN: Hey, lay off, man. If she doesn't wanna- DAWN: I'll do it. ZACK: Go Dawn! JUSTIN: (to Dawn) Look. You don't have to do this. DAWN: (looks at him) It's okay. (smiles) I want to. Dawn takes a nervous step forward, walks toward the house as the others watch. Very nervously, she walks up the steps, picks up the pumpkin, raises it over her head. She turns to smile at the others. The others smile back, then look alarmed. A hand grabs one of Dawn's arms. She shrieks in fear and drops the pumpkin. It smashes on the steps. Dawn looks fearfully up at the old man as he leans toward her. KALTENBACH: Shouldn't oughta mess with those. Sometimes they bite. Justin runs over, following by Zack and Janice. JUSTIN: Get away from her! ZACK: Don't make me go kung-fu on you, man! (makes kung-fu movie gestures) The old man stares, then laughs. KALTENBACH: Come on inside, kids, got somethin' special for ya. He turns to go back inside. KALTENBACH: Daddy's got a treat! He pushes the door open, makes a 'come on' gesture with his head and goes inside. Janice looks very scared. Zack smiles. ZACK: Cool. JANICE: No no no. We are so not going in there. Dawn, tell them! Dawn looks nervously toward the door. Cut to inside. Hands playing with a toy robot that spins around and flashes lights and makes noise. We see Justin, Janice, and Dawn sitting on the sofa while Mr. Kaltenbach does something in the background. The three kids look over at Zack playing with the toy. ZACK: Dude, where'd you get the cool toys? KALTENBACH: Used to design 'em back in '58. (walks toward them) Nothing would give me more pleasure ... than to see a child's face... (Dawn and Janice exchanging an unhappy look) light up when he'd open one of mine ... on a Christmas or a birthday. I was good. Jeepers, I was the best. He continues walking slowly toward Zack. KALTENBACH: And then that thing happened. One little mistake ... and they took it all away from me, they... (takes the toy from Zack) they took my toys. He turns to put the toy down, turns back. sh*t of the three kids on the couch looking very fearfully at him. KALTENBACH: (cheerfully) Time for the treats! Who wants to help Daddy in the kitchen? (to Dawn) How 'bout you, Sally? Dawn frowns. JUSTIN: (gets up) Uh, Sally's not much for the cookin'. Why don't I give you a hand. KALTENBACH: (nods) Hands are good. (moves toward the kitchen) Always use more hands. More hands. Justin follows him toward the kitchen. Mr. Kaltenbach begins humming "Pop Goes The Weasel" again. Zack sits on the sofa in Justin's vacated spot. He picks up a jack-in-the-box and begins turning its handle. JANICE: Okay, I say we get the funk out of here before Satan Claus tries to stuff us up the chimney. ZACK: What, and miss the big treat? That would break the old guy's little heart! Assuming it's still beating. DAWN: She's right, we should just get Justin and go. ZACK: (still turning the handle) Come on, the dude's a thousand years old. What's he gonna do, drown us in his drool cup? The jack-in-the-box pops up. It has no head. Dawn looks at it nervously. DAWN: Hey. Where's its head? Cut to the kitchen. Mr. Kaltenbach carefully closes the door leading back to the living room. He turns and walks over to the kitchen island. We see Justin looking in the cabinets. Mr. Kaltenbach goes over to the counter and we see a pan covered with aluminum foil. The large Kn*fe lies beside it. He picks up the Kn*fe. Pan up to his face as he looks at the Kn*fe. Then we see Justin is behind him, wearing vampire face. Justin puts his hand on Mr. Kaltenbach's shoulder. JUSTIN: Boo. Mr. Kaltenbach turns, sees Justin's face and reacts with horror. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. Justin bends down and bites Mr. Kaltenbach. The old man gasps and chokes as Justin feeds on him. As they sink toward the floor, Mr. Kaltenbach's hand holding the Kn*fe knocks over the foil-covered pan. We see that it's a pan of rice krispy treats, decorated with little candy pumpkins. Cut to the living room. The noise of the pan falling makes the other three teens jump up in alarm. JANICE: What the hell was that? Close sh*t of the pan of rice krispy treats lying on top of the body. DAWN: Justin? Dawn runs toward the kitchen, stops when she sees the closed door. She walks slowly toward it. Janice and Zack hover in the background. DAWN: (softly) Justin? Dawn reaches out to open the door, jumps back with a yelp of surprise as it pops open before she touches it. Justin comes out, wearing his human face, smiling. JUSTIN: Let's go. DAWN: Wh-what happened? JUSTIN: I swiped his wallet when he wasn't looking. Come on! They run for the door. Cut to the front steps. Dawn and Janice burst out. DAWN: (scared) Oh my god. (smiling) Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! The girls run off down the street. The boys come out behind them, walking more slowly. JUSTIN: (holds his stomach) Dude, that guy was rank. ZACK: Bet a spritz of Dawn would wash that right out. So what do you think? Lunchables? Or should we go all the way and turn 'em? They exchange a look. Cut to Xander and Anya in the Summers house. ANYA: So I was thinking maybe a June wedding. But then I remembered that they always had the highest percentage of calls for vengeance. We see that Xander and Anya are standing in front of the couch, talking to Giles and Buffy who are sitting on the couch. ANYA: So now I'm leaning towards as soon as damn possible. I mean, mortal life being so short, we gotta get in as much marital bliss as we can before we wither and die. Xander nods, but he looks more and more nervous. ANYA: I mean, there's just so much to consider, though, I mean, planning the wedding, and, and new cars, house and babies. You *have* to plan for babies, or they just run roughshod over your entire existence. XANDER: (nervously) Yeah, y...you gotta know what to call 'em before they h*t college. GILES: Ah. Rupert is an exceptionally strong name. ANYA: (laughs) Ha ha ha! Yeah, if we want our progeny to eat paste and have their lunch money stolen. Buffy snickers a little. Giles looks insulted. Anya stops laughing, clears her throat. Giles gives Buffy a look. BUFFY: (to Giles) Look, all that matters is that they're happy. (to Anya) Everything else is thick gravy goodness. ANYA: I know. Xander's smile looks a little glazed. ANYA: I mean, I am the luckiest ex-demon in the world. I mean, to be able to find the one person in all dimensions that I was meant to be with, and have everything work out exactly as I dreamed. (Xander smiles at her) I mean, how often does the universe allow that to happen? Buffy looks a little pensive. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the Summers house. The door opens revealing Xander, who holds it open for Buffy, then follows her out onto the front porch. Xander takes a deep breath, fans himself with his pirate hat. XANDER: Air. Sweet mother oxygen. They walk toward the edge of the porch. BUFFY: You okay? XANDER: Yeah. I just ... it's just, I didn't think it would be so much. (they sit on the railing) BUFFY: But this is good. I mean, this is ... love and celebration and moving forward. Anya's right. This is the way life's supposed to work out. XANDER: (nods) Right. Deep pools of ooey delight. I'm wallowing, not drowning. BUFFY: Definite wallow action. XANDER: Okay. (gets up) So, once more into the breach? BUFFY: Oh. I think my breaches are wearing a little thin. (gets up) I'm gonna take Spike up on that offer to patrol. Gotta be something out there cruisin' for a smackdown. They walk back toward the door. Buffy goes down the stairs and Xander, taking a moment to compose himself, opens the door and goes back inside. Cut to Justin and Dawn walking down the street together. JUSTIN: So you're like, what, a h*m*? DAWN: (laughs) I wish. JUSTIN: Uhhh, freshman. DAWN: Yep, way down there at the bottom of the rung. Actually? Kinda under those little rubber feet they use to keep the ladder steady. JUSTIN: Hey, those are important. (hands her some money) Here. The spoils of w*r. You earned it. DAWN: (smiles) I did? JUSTIN: Yeah, for keepin' me steady. They smile at each other. JUSTIN: And so begins your life of crime. DAWN: Hmm. You're a little late. I steal all the time. JUSTIN: (skeptical) Really. DAWN: Totally. I haven't paid for lipstick since ... forever. JUSTIN: Oh, be still my heart, cute *and* bad. DAWN: Yeah, (hugs herself) bad to the bone. JUSTIN: More like frozen! Here. He takes off his Sunnydale High School jacket and puts it around Dawn's shoulders. DAWN: Thanks. JUSTIN: My pleasure, Miss Summers. They gaze into each other's eyes. Then Janice appears behind them. JANICE: Hey. Where's Zack? JUSTIN: (a little annoyed) He went to get the car. DAWN: (delighted) You guys got a car? Cut to Zack pulling a woman out of her car. The woman drops to the pavement, unconscious, as Zack gets into the driver's seat. ZACK: Thanks for the ride! The tires squeal as he drives off. Cut to Buffy walking down the street surrounded by kids in costume. She pauses, watches a couple walking with arms around each other. Continues walking. An ambulance goes by, siren wailing. Buffy stop walking, frowns. Cut to Buffy walking up to the crime scene. A small crowd has gathered. Buffy sees paramedics loading the woman driver onto a gurney. PARAMEDIC 1: I'm losing her pulse. PARAMEDIC 2: Let's get her in! Buffy watches with concern. Close-up on the woman's neck. Vampire bites clearly visible. Buffy scowls, hurries away. Cut to the Summers kitchen. The phone rings. Giles answers it. GILES: Summers residence. ... Oh, (smiles) Mrs. Penshaw, yes, uh ... (stops smiling) No, Dawn said she was staying the night at your house. Well, ye-yes, I realize that now, but I don't believe that you called to check -- all right, le-let's just, um, if I, if I hear anything I'll let you know. He hangs up. Cut to the living room. Tara sits on the sofa watching as Xander, Anya, and Willow dance to music. Tara looks a little forlorn. Giles comes in, walks over to the stereo and turns off the music. WILLOW: Hey, we were just gettin' our dance on. GILES: That was Janice's mother on the telephone. Apparently Janice said that she was staying here tonight. XANDER: Ahh, they're dipping into the classics. You gotta respect that. GILES: Is Buffy still outside? (going toward the door) XANDER: Uh, no, no, she was gettin' antsy, she went to find Spike to patrol. GILES: Well, it's nice to be kept in the loop. Um ... Xander, Anya, you stay here in case Mrs. Penshaw calls again. Willow, Tara, you check downtown. (going toward the door) I'll, uh, swing by Spike's, see if I can catch Buffy. Giles grabs his jacket and exits. Cut to a dark part of the forest. The car is parked. The back door opens and Janice gets out, giggling as Zack is groping her. He gets out after her. ZACK: (into the car) Don't do nothing I would, dude. Zack shuts the door as Janice grabs him by the front of his shirt and kisses him. JANICE: You're it. She turns and runs into the forest. ZACK: I love it when they run. He morphs into vamp face and runs after her. Cut to inside the car. Dawn and Justin sit. She still wears his jacket. DAWN: So. JUSTIN: Yeah. DAWN: Ooh. It's cold. You okay? You want this back? JUSTIN: Nah. Cold doesn't really bother me. DAWN: (smiles) What are you, Superman? JUSTIN: No, but ... I do have a few special powers. He leans over as if to kiss her. DAWN: (nervously) Hey ... um ... does this work? (twisting the radio dial) JUSTIN: You gotta ... turn the ignition. He turns the key and the radio starts up. Dawn smiles, nods. Justin watches her with a smile. DAWN: I love this one. JUSTIN: (brushes hair back from her face) Another thing we have in common. Dawn doesn't reply, glances at him and then away, looking very nervous. JUSTIN: You're shaking. DAWN: It's cold. JUSTIN: You ... wanna go? DAWN: N-no. It's just, um ... what do you expect- JUSTIN: Shhh. I just wanna taste you. He leans toward her again. She leans in to him and they kiss. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. Dawn and Justin continue kissing for a moment, then Dawn pulls back a little, looking dazed. DAWN: Shiver me timbers. JUSTIN: What? DAWN: Um ... nothing. Just ... wow. JUSTIN: Oh, my god. That was your first. DAWN: What? No. JUSTIN: It was! That was your first kiss. DAWN: (nervous laugh) I've been kissed before. I, I kiss all the time. Not that I'm a kiss slut. Just, you know, with, with the lips and, and the pressing together and stuff? Big expert here. Justin just looks at her, with a little grin. DAWN: Okay, okay, it was my first kiss. (upset) I know, I know, I suck, my ... my lips are dry and my tongue's all horrible and sticky and I'm pretty sure I drooled on you ... so just please tell me how awful it was. Justin pulls her toward him and kisses her again briefly. She looks surprised. JUSTIN: It was perfect. They resume kissing. Cut to the Bronze. A band is on stage performing. Various people in Halloween costumes are dancing. Pan to the door. Willow and Tara enter. They see a couple dancing close together, dressed as Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. WILLOW: Do they know they're brother and sister? TARA: (yelling over the music) Do you think she's here? WILLOW: (yelling) What? TARA: Do you think Dawn might have come here? WILLOW: It's where I'd be if I were fifteen and on the lam. They begin to walk around. TARA: Really? WILLOW: Well, not me at fifteen, 'cause, hello, spaz. TARA: You? WILLOW: Yeah. Hard to believe such a hot mama-yama came from humble, geek-infested roots? They begin climbing the stairs to the balcony. TARA: Infested roots, trying to turn me on? WILLOW: (smiles) I have to try now? They kiss and continue walking up the stairs. They reach the top. WILLOW: Come on, let's look over here. TARA: Do you see her? WILLOW: No, there's too many people. TARA: Maybe we can have security- WILLOW: No, that'll take too long. They climb another partial set of stairs to a second balcony level. Willow goes over to the railing and looks down on the people dancing. WILLOW: One among many, many fade to one- TARA: (grabs her hand) What are you doing? Will? WILLOW: I'm just gonna clear the crowd. TARA: How? WILLOW: I'll just shift everyone who isn't a fifteen-year-old girl into an alternate dimension. (smiling) TARA: (horrified) What? WILLOW: No, it'll be for like a fraction of a second. They won't even notice. TARA: Will, no, you can't! WILLOW: Why? TARA: Well, what if something went wrong? WILLOW: Well, it won't! TARA: But w-what would Giles say? WILLOW: (toward the crowd) Sukut! The crowd noises all go away, leaving it silent, although the people continue to dance and the band keeps playing like nothing's wrong. WILLOW: (to Tara) Are you taking his side now? TARA: This isn't about sides. WILLOW: You two have been talking about me behind my back. TARA: No! God. WILLOW: You know how that makes me feel? TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just, just sit back and keep my mouth shut? WILLOW: Well, that'd be a good start. Tara looks shocked. TARA: If I didn't love you so damn much I would! Tara turns and storms away. WILLOW: Takulum. The crowd noises resume. WILLOW: Tara! Willow stands there, not following after Tara. Cut back to the car. Dawn and Justin still kissing. It continues for a few moments. DAWN: Ow! (pulls back) JUSTIN: Sorry. DAWN: It's okay. Long as it's not bleeding. They resume kissing. Then Dawn pulls back again. DAWN: Justin ... could we... JUSTIN: It's just ... (looking at her) God, you are so beautiful. Dawn smiles. They resume kissing. Dawn's hand is on Justin's arm. It moves up his arm across his shoulder, across his neck, to rest on his cheek. We see that he's now in vampire face. Dawn realizes it and her eyes widen. Cut to Spike's crypt. Buffy bursts in holding her stake. BUFFY: Get your gear together. We need to... She stops as she realizes Spike is nowhere to be seen. The TV is on, playing a black-and-white horror movie. Buffy looks around. BUFFY: Spike? SPIKE: (OS) You know... Buffy jumps, turns to find him right behind her. SPIKE: ...in civilized cultures, that's called trespassing. BUFFY: Good thing you're uncivilized. We got trouble. SPIKE: Giles found you? BUFFY: (frowns) Giles? No. Was he looking for me? SPIKE: Yeah, it's Dawn. BUFFY: Dawn? (alarmed) Why, what happened? SPIKE: No, it's okay, Giles was by here earlier looking for you. Dawn and her little friend pulled a Houdini. Up to a bit of candy-corn mischief, I suspect. BUFFY: Wait, she's out there running around by herself? SPIKE: Yeah, kids these days, eh? Buffy walks quickly past him. SPIKE: I did a sweep of the tunnels, Giles is poking about the cemetery. BUFFY: We have to find her. Buffy opens a coffin(?) by the wall. SPIKE: I don't think she's in there. Buffy takes out some w*apon, tosses Spike a crossbow. He catches it, frowns a little. Cut to the cemetery. It's dark and foggy. Giles walks around with a flashlight, shining it around, looking around. GILES: Mist ... cemetery ... Halloween. Should end well. He trips on something, falls on his face out of the sh*t. The camera stays where it is. After a moment Giles reappears in the sh*t. GILES: Bloody brilliant. He composes himself and resumes looking around. Sound of a girl screaming. Giles begins to run. Cut to the forest. Giles runs among some trees, shines his flashlight on a vampire biting a girl. GILES: Dawn! The vampire lifts his head and growls. Giles pushes him away and he rolls down a short hill. GILES: Dawn, are you all right? Giles grabs the girl, who lifts her head to reveal that she's Janice. GILES: Janice? JANICE: He bit me. That jerk bit me! ZACK: Like you weren't asking for it. Giles turns to see Zack behind him, still in game face. GILES: I feel certain she wasn't. ZACK: What do you know about it, grandpa? Zack swings a punch at Giles, who ducks and tackles Zack around the middle. GILES: Quite a bit actually. They go down and roll down the hill, entangled together. Janice watches fearfully. At the bottom of the hill Giles and Zack get up and trade blows. Zack does most of the punching, then kicks Giles and he goes down. From his knees, Giles blocks another punch and hits Zack in the stomach, then gets up and kicks him. Zack flies backward and winds up against a tree. Zack looks down to see a branch sticking out of his body. ZACK: Dude, that sucks. He dusts. GILES: (toward Janice) Dawn. Where's Dawn? Janice makes a helpless "I don't know" gesture, holding her neck with one hand. Cut to the car. Dawn scrambles out through her door. JUSTIN: Dawn! DAWN: Get off me! JUSTIN: Dawn, wait! Wait! Dawn runs off. Justin climbs out and runs after her. He catches up with her, stops her. He's still in game face. JUSTIN: I thought we could, you know, like hang out or something. DAWN: Hang out? JUSTIN: Yeah. I mean ... you're not like other girls. You're different. There's something special about you. I knew it the first time I saw you. Dawn looks like she wants to believe him. JUSTIN: I just wanna be close to you. He puts his hand to her face. Dawn gasps and jerks away. JUSTIN: Shh. It's okay. It'll only hurt for a second. Dawn closes her eyes as he bends over to bite her. GILES: (OS) I bet you say that to all the girls. Giles comes around a tree. DAWN: Giles? Dawn turns to see Giles behind her. Justin grabs her by the throat. GILES: (walks forward) Now, you have a choice, son. We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the ha- Giles stops as a bright light suddenly shines on him, blinding him. He puts up a hand to shield it, looks around. Sounds of car doors opening. We see that there are a number of cars parked in a circle around the clearing, all with their lights pointing inward. Vampires get out of all the cars and begin to advance on Giles. He looks around nervously. Then looks over at Justin who still holds Dawn by the throat. JUSTIN: (smirking) What were my choices again? Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. Giles faces off with Justin and Dawn as the other vampires advance. A hand clamps onto Giles's shoulder and he jumps, looks over to see it's Spike. SPIKE: So. This a private game, or, uh, can anyone join in? Buffy runs up. BUFFY: Dawn, are you... Buffy pauses, stares at the scene. Justin lets go of Dawn, who moves a foot or two away from him. BUFFY: (outraged) Were you parking?! With a vamp? DAWN: I-I didn't know he was d*ad! JUSTIN: Living d*ad. DAWN: Shut up! BUFFY: How could you not know? DAWN: I just met him! BUFFY: Oh! Oh, so you were parking in the woods with a boy you just met. JUSTIN: We've seen each other at parties. BUFFY: Shut up. (to Dawn) I don't believe you! Spike looks around with a frown. DAWN: Oh, like you've never fallen for a vampire? BUFFY: That was different. DAWN: It always is when it's you. VAMP 1: Uh, excuse me! Can we fight now? BUFFY: Hey, didn't anyone come here to just make out? One guy and girl in the back, not vampires, raise their hands. BUFFY: Aw, that's sweet. You run. The guy and girl do so. BUFFY: (to Vamp 1) You scream. Buffy, Spike, and Giles take off in different directions. Spike pursues the vamp who complained. The vamp kicks him and Spike punches him a few times. Giles stands by one of the cars and hits one vamp, gets kicked in the chest by another and then she pins him against the car VAMP 2: Die, slayer! Vamp 2 rushes at Buffy. She simply steps back and stakes him as he runs past her. BUFFY: Mm-hmm. He dusts. JUSTIN: (to Dawn) Your sister's the slayer? I totally get it! I knew there was something about you. Dawn makes an angry face, knees him in the groin and runs off. Giles continues to have difficulties with two female vamps. One is on his back and he manages to throw her onto the other. BUFFY: Giles! Buffy throws him a stake. He catches it, stakes one vamp, ducks a punch and stakes the second. Giles pauses, looks around. Suddenly another vamp appears and tackles him, both landing on the car's roof and sliding off the other end. Spike continues trading blows with the first vamp. Spike takes a h*t and goes down. VAMP 1: What is your malfunction, man?! Spike makes an angry face, gets up and shoves the vamp down into the dirt. SPIKE: It's Halloween, you nit! We take the night off. Those are the rules. VAMP 1: (gets up) Me and mine don't follow no stinkin' rules! We're rebels! He takes a swing at Spike, who blocks it, head-butts him, and then kicks him in the chest. The vamp slams back against a tree trunk and slides down it to the ground. SPIKE: No. I'm a rebel. You're an idiot. Spike pulls out his crossbow and sh**t the vamp. Vamp 1 dusts. Spike begins reloading the crossbow. SPIKE: Give the lot of us a bad name. He finishes reloading, looks up just as another vamp tackles him. The crossbow goes off accidentally, the arrow flying off into the woods as Spike and the vampire h*t the ground. Buffy continues fighting another vamp. They trade blows and then he picks her up and slams her onto the hood of a car. Buffy rolls aside as he punches. His fist goes through the metal. While he struggles to pull it out, Buffy kicks him, flips up to stand on the car. The vamp grabs for her and she jumps out of the way. He grabs both her legs and she falls on her butt on the car, gets one leg free and kicks him away. The vamp comes back, punches Buffy, pins her against the car and pulls the antenna loose from the car. He tries to garrote her with it but she pushes him away, uses the side of the car to flip around behind him, tries to garrote him in return. He breaks free and they trade some more punches and kicks. The vamp rushes Buffy and she opens the car door to block him. He punches at her and his fist shatters the car window. He swings at Buffy and she grabs him, pulls him through the car window to the other side, kicks him back and slams the car door on his head. He dusts. Buffy turns and walks off. Cut to Dawn walking slowly through the forest. She hears a noise and turns, nervous. She continues to walk backward, looking around, very scared. Justin suddenly appears behind her. JUSTIN: Trick or treat. Dawn screams, runs off, but Justin grabs her by the back of her (his) jacket and pulls her to the ground. He lands on top of her, straddling her, holding her hands down. JUSTIN: Give me something good to eat. DAWN: I thought you really liked me. He lets go of her hands and sits up a little, still straddling her. JUSTIN: I do. And you like me too. DAWN: (sighs, nods) I do. Justin leans down to bite her. Dawn looks at the sky. Suddenly he stops, gasps, and turns to dust. We see the stake in Dawn's hand. She lies there looking upset. Cut to the Summers house. Xander and Anya are preparing to leave. BUFFY: Sorry about the party. XANDER: Aah, don't worry about it. ANYA: It gave me more time to plan the bridal shower. Where do we order obscenely muscular male strippers? XANDER: Anya. ANYA: Well, I'm kidding, geez. Xander exits. Anya mouths at Buffy, "we'll talk," and exits too. Spike comes up behind Buffy. SPIKE: Guess I should bugger off. Something about big bads not venturing far from their crypts on Halloween. BUFFY: Good fight. Spike nods at her, exits. Buffy watches him go as Willow comes up behind her. WILLOW: So, uh, big monster mashing? Sorry we missed it. Tara comes up to them too, walks past Willow to stand beside Buffy. TARA: As long as Dawn's all right. WILLOW: Yeah, that's what's- TARA: (to Buffy) I, I think I'm gonna turn in. Good night. Tara goes up the stairs. Willow looks concerned. WILLOW: Tara ... Tara. Willow follows Tara. Buffy watches them go. In background we can see Dawn sitting by herself in the dining room. Giles comes up and watches Willow and Tara go too. He's holding an ice-pack to his mouth. BUFFY: How's your face? GILES: (takes the icepack away from his face) Oh, still ruggedly handsome. 'Grandpa,' indeed. (puts the ice back) Ow. BUFFY: (looking toward Dawn) She's taking it pretty hard. GILES: Well, it's not surprising. Still, we can't ignore this kind of behavior. Something needs to be done before it spins out of control. BUFFY: (nods) You're right. I'm glad you're here to take care of it. Don't ... be too hard on her, okay? Buffy goes up the stairs. Giles stares after her in surprise. Then he turns and goes reluctantly into the dining room, goes over to Dawn, takes the ice-pack off his face again. GILES: We need to have a conversation. DAWN: (quietly) This the part where you tell me you're not angry ... just disappointed? (looks anxiously at him) GILES: Pretty much. (tosses the ice-pack onto the table) Except for the bit about not being angry. Dawn looks scared. Cut to Willow and Tara's room. WILLOW: I, I'm sorry, okay? TARA: It's not that easy. We see Tara taking throw-pillows off the bed. Both she and Willow wear pajamas. WILLOW: Well, what do you want me to do? Reverse time and take it back? (small laugh) 'Cause I could probably- Tara gives her a grim look. WILLOW: Joke. I don't think I could really- TARA: (angrily) You know what, can, can we not do this now? I'm tired. (gets into bed) WILLOW: Okay. Let's just forget it ever happened. Willow goes over to a side table, picks up a small piece of herb with a couple of flowers on it. She holds it in her palm. WILLOW: (softly) Forget. A flash of light moves across the herb, leaving it d*ad and wilted. Willow turns off the light, goes over to the bed and turns off another light, gets into bed. Tara smiles, giggles. TARA: Ooh, your feet are cold. WILLOW: Better warm me up. TARA: Mmm. Tara snuggles up to Willow. TARA: This is how every day should always end ... and start. And all the stuff in the middle. (kisses Willow's cheek) WILLOW: (smiles) So, uh ... you're not mad? TARA: 'Bout what? Willow smiles to herself and closes her eyes. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x06 - All The Way"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy tied up in Spike's dungeon. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: Oh my god. Willow and the others doing the spell to revive Buffy. WILLOW: Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over. Buffy's corpse regenerating. Buffy talking to Spike in the alley. BUFFY: I think I was in heaven. I was torn out of there, by my friends. They can never know. GILES: We can't ignore this kind of behavior. Dawn stealing a coin at the magic shop. GILES: Something needs to be done before it spins out of control. BUFFY: I'm glad you're here to take care of it. XANDER: We're getting married. TARA: Congratulations. Willow doing a spell. TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. Willow and Tara in the bedroom. TARA: Can we not do this now? WILLOW: Just ... forget it ever happened. Willow picking up the forget herb. WILLOW: Forget. No actual teaser. Just "Previously," then wolf howl and opening credits. The opening credits and music are done in the style of a 1950s musical. Special Guest Star Anthony Stewart Head. Guest Starring Hinton Battle and Amber Benson as Tara. Original songs, music and lyrics by Joss Whedon, produced and arranged by Jesse Tobias and Christophe Beck. Score by Christophe Beck. Choreography by Adam Shankman. Written and directed by Joss Whedon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open in Buffy's bedroom, morning. The words "Once More, With Feeling" splash across the screen in the style of an old movie musical. Pan down to reveal an old-fashioned alarm clock (the kind with actual bells). The clock hits 7:00 and the alarm goes off. Reveal Buffy in bed, rolling over to glare at the clock. She reaches over, picks it up, looks at it. Overture The overture music is a medley of the musical themes from the rest of the episode. As it plays, we see the following action: Begins with Willow walking across her bedroom, then she turns and goes back the way she came. Grabs a sweater from a chair and exits into the bathroom. As she goes, we see Tara making the bed. She finds the herb that Willow used to do the "forget" spell. Tara picks it up, sniffs it, smiles. Pan to the hallway. Dawn runs out of her room and over to the bathroom door. She knocks on the door while jumping from foot to foot as if she has to pee. Willow comes out of the bathroom brushing her hair. Dawn rushes into the bathroom. Pan across the hallway again to reveal Buffy still lying in bed, awake. Cut to the magic shop. Overture music continues. Xander and Anya are looking at a bridal magazine, smiling and talking (we don't hear their dialogue). A customer comes over and Anya escorts her toward the cash register. Pan across to Dawn standing by the bookshelves looking at a book. Giles comes over and takes the book away. Dawn looks annoyed. Giles gestures with the book and she walks off. Pan to the round table where we see Willow and Tara looking at a book together and taking notes. Pan further and we see Buffy sitting next to Tara, sketching on a pad. Giles comes over and holds a large axe in Buffy's line of sight. Then he gestures with his head toward the back and walks away. Buffy puts down her sketch pad, gets up and follows Giles toward the workout room, taking off her sweater as she goes. End Overture. Cut to the graveyard, night. Buffy walks along, looking around. Suddenly she begins to sing! Song: "Alive" BUFFY: (verse one) Every single night, the same arrangement I go out and fight the fight. Still I always feel this strange estrangement Nothing here is real, nothing here is right. A vampire appears from behind a gravestone, rushes at Buffy. She spins him around, continues singing. BUFFY: I've been making shows of [punch] trading blows Just hoping no one knows [kick, grabs vampire and throws him behind her] That I've been going through the motions Walking through the part. Buffy pulls a stake from her jacket pocket. The vamp att*cks her from behind and she stakes him without looking back. BUFFY: Nothing seems to penetrate my heart. She resumes walking and singing. BUFFY: (verse two) I was always brave, and kind of righteous. Now I find I'm wavering. We see two vampires and a demon gathered near a tree. There's a person tied to the tree. The vampires see Buffy and att*ck. BUFFY: Crawl out of your grave, you'll find this fight just [punches a vampire] Doesn't mean a thing. [punches second vamp] VAMP 1: She ain't got that swing. The vamp punches Buffy and she goes down. A sword is stuck in the ground beside her. She lies there on her back. Sound of crickets chirping. BUFFY: Thanks for noticing. She continues lying there as the two vamps and the demon begin to do a dance. VAMPS AND DEMON: She does pretty well with fiends from hell But lately we can tell [Buffy gets up and grabs the sword] That she's just going through the motions DEMON: Going through the motions. Buffy pulls Vamp 1 away, cuts off his head with the sword. VAMP 2: Faking it somehow. [Buffy pushes him aside, s*ab the demon] DEMON: She's not even half the girl she- [looks down at his wound] ow. The demon falls over. Buffy continues walking, holding the sword. BUFFY: Will I stay this way forever? Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor? She uses the sword to cut the ropes that are tying the person to a tree. The person comes around the tree trunk and we see it's a very good-looking man. HANDSOME GUY: How can I repay- BUFFY: Whatever. She turns away, tosses the sword aside and continues walking. BUFFY: I don't want to beeeeee... [walks up onto a raised platform ringed by statues, stops] Going through the motions Losing all my drive. I can't even see If this is really me And I just want to be- Vamp 2 att*cks her and she stakes him. He explodes into dust which forms an artful cloud, obscuring Buffy from view, then clears as she sings the final word. BUFFY: Aliiiiiive. End of song "Alive." Wide aerial sh*t of Buffy standing amidst the gravestones. Cut to magic shop, day. The bell jingles. Buffy enters. GILES: (O.S.) Good morning, Buffy! We see Willow and Tara standing by the counter. Giles in background. WILLOW: Oh, hey, did Dawn get off to school all right? BUFFY: (distracted) What? Oh, uh, yeah. I think so. Buffy walks farther into the store. We see Xander sitting at the round table holding a donut in each hand. XANDER: Respect the cruller. And tame the donut! Anya passes by en route to the counter. ANYA: That's still funny, sweetie. Anya goes behind the counter. Giles looks in the box of donuts, takes one out, takes a bite. BUFFY: So, uh, no research? Nothing going on? Monsters or whatnot? Giles and Xander shake their heads "no," continue eating donuts. BUFFY: Good! Good. (awkwardly) Uh, so, did anybody ... uh ... last night, you know, did anybody, um ... burst into song? Giles stops chewing. Everyone stares at Buffy for a moment. XANDER: Merciful Zeus! Willow, Tara, and Anya rush over. Everyone talks at once. WILLOW: We thought it was just us! GILES: Well, I sang but I had my guitar at the hotel... TARA: It was bizarre. We were talking and then it was like- BUFFY: Like you were in a musical! TARA: Yeah! GILES: That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps. WILLOW: We did a whole duet about dish washing. ANYA: And we were arguing and, and then everything rhymed and there were harmonies and the dance with coconuts. WILLOW: There was an entire verse about the cous-cous. XANDER: It was very disturbing. [The above is everyone talking at once.] GILES: (to Buffy) What did you sing about? BUFFY: (pauses) I don't remember. But i-it seemed perfectly normal. XANDER: But disturbing. And not the natural order of things, and do you think it'll happen again? GILES: I don't know. I should look into it. WILLOW: With the books. TARA: Do we have any books on this? XANDER: Well, we just gotta break it down. Look at the factors before it happens again. Because I for one- [Giles begins to sing, interrupting Xander.] Song: "I've Got A Theory" GILES: I've got a theory That it's a demon A dancing demon! No, something isn't right there. WILLOW: I've got a theory Some kid is dreamin' And we're all stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare. [Tara doing "jazz hands"] XANDER: I've got a theory we should work this out. ANYA/TARA/WILLOW/XANDER: It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about? XANDER: [jumps up] It could be witches! Some evil witches! [sees Willow's and Tara's expressions] Which is ridiculous, 'cause witches they were persecuted, Wicca good and love the earth and woman power and I'll be over here. [sits] ANYA: I've got a theory! It could be bunnies! Silence. The others just stare at her. Sound of crickets chirping. TARA: I've got a- Suddenly the tune changes to a frantic hard-rock b*at with electric guitar and a roving spotlight that waves crazily over Anya. ANYA: (shrieking a la Alanis Morissette) Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes! They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? [playing air guitar] Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be bunnies! Fireworks go off all around her, then the smoke clears away. The others continue simply staring. ANYA: (back to original melody) Or maybe midgets. WILLOW: (quickly sits down beside Giles and opens a book) I've got a theory we should work this fast. WILLOW/GILES: Because it clearly could get serious before it's passed. Giles gets up, starts to climb the stairs to the loft. BUFFY: I've got a theory. It doesn't matter. Giles pauses, turns back. Everyone looks at Buffy. BUFFY: What can't we face if we're together? What's in this place that we can't weather? Apocalypse? We've all been there. The same old trips Why should we care? ALL EXCEPT GILES: What can't we do if we get in it? We'll work it through within a minute. Buffy looks at Giles throughout this. He watches her too and finally joins in. ALL: We have to try We'll pay the price It's do or die BUFFY: Hey, I've died twice. Giles smiles, comes down off the ladder. ALL: What can't we face if we're together? GILES: (descant) What can't we face... ALL: What's in this place that we can't weather? GILES: ...if we're together... ALL: There's nothing we can't face. ANYA: (sits) Except for bunnies. End of song "I've Got A Theory." XANDER: (sits) See, okay, that was disturbing. WILLOW: (sits) I thought it was neat. BUFFY: So what is it? What's causing it? GILES: I thought it didn't matter. BUFFY: Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish yet affordable boots, but there's definitely something unnatural going on here. And that doesn't usually lead to hugs and puppies. ANYA: Well, is it just us? I mean, is it only happening to us? (Buffy turns away) 'Cause that would probably mean a spell or- Buffy goes to the door, opens it. The bell jingles. Cut to the street. A man (BTVS writer/producer David Fury) stands in the street holding a shirt in a dry-cleaning bag. DAVID: (sings) They got ... the mustard ... out! We see a whole crowd of people standing in dance formation holding dry-cleaning bags. They do a synchronized dance, waving the clothing around. CROWD: (sings) They got the mustard out! Buffy turns back into the store, closes the door. BUFFY: It's not just us. Cut to later. Dawn enters the store wearing a huge smile. DAWN: Oh my god. You will never believe what happened at school today. Reveal the rest of the g*ng sitting around the table looking at books. BUFFY: Everybody started singing and dancing? Dawn looks disappointed. DAWN: I gave birth to a pterodactyl. ANYA: Oh my god, did it sing? sh*t of Willow and Tara whispering to each other. DAWN: So, you guys too, huh? (walks closer) XANDER: So what'd you guys sing about? DAWN: (sighs) Math. Dawn puts down her backpack, sits on a stool by the counter. We see Willow whispering in Tara's ear. TARA: (loudly) Tha-That's right! The, the volume. The text. GILES: What text? WILLOW: The volume-y text. You know? The, the (mumbles) report. XANDER: The what now? TARA: Oh, there's just a few volumes back at the house that deal with mystical chants, bacchanals. Dawn glances at the counter, sees a necklace lying there. TARA: It might be relevant. WILLOW: Yeah, we could, um- GILES: Well, I'm a hair's breadth from investigating bunnies at the moment, so I'm open to anything. Dawn furtively picks up the necklace and puts it in her pocket. WILLOW: Great, we'll, uh, go check it out and uh, we'll give you a call. TARA: Yeah, this could blow the whole thing wide open. Cut to Willow and Tara walking through a park. It's sunny and beautiful. Green grass, blue sky, etc. TARA: Do we have any books at all at home? WILLOW: Well, who wants to be cooped up on a day like this? The sun is shining, there's songs going on... A couple of young men walk by and look at Willow and Tara as they pass. WILLOW: ...those guys are checking you out. TARA: What? (turns to look) Wh-What are they looking at? WILLOW: The hotness of you, doofus. TARA: Those boys really thought I was hot? (looks back at them again) WILLOW: Entirely. TARA: Oh my god. I'm cured! I want the boys! Tara makes like she's going to run after the guys. Willow grabs her and pulls her back. Tara giggles. WILLOW: Do I have to fight to keep you? 'Cause I'm not large with the butch. They stand underneath a tree, leaning on a wooden railing. TARA: I'm just ... not used to that. They-they were really looking at me? WILLOW: (fondly) And you can't imagine what they see in you. TARA: I know exactly what they see in me. You. Song: "I'm Under Your Spell" TARA: (verse one) I lived my life in shadow Never the sun on my face. It didn't seem so sad, though I figured that was my place Now I'm bathed in light [walking out from the shade, lifting her face to the sun] Something just isn't right I'm under your spell How else could it be Anyone would notice me? It's magic, I can tell How you set me free Brought me out so easily. Pan across a little stream with a bridge over it. Willow and Tara are on the bridge. Tara takes Willow's hand and they walk off the bridge onto a path, holding hands. TARA: (verse two) I saw a world enchanted Spirits and charms in the air. Tara makes a gesture with her arm and sparkles appear, following her hand with a little tinkling noise. TARA: I always took for granted I was the only one there. Willow makes some even more impressive sparkles with her hand, ending in a small shower of sparks surrounding them both. They smile at each other. TARA: But your power shone Brighter than any I've known. Tara spins away from Willow. We see a small pond at the edge of the grass. Tara begins to dance. TARA: I'm under your spell Nothing I can do You just took my soul with you A couple of young women are on the grass sunbathing in the background. They get up and begin dancing in sync with Tara. TARA: You worked your charms so well Finally, I knew Everything I dreamed was true You made me believe. SUNBATHERS: Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh (etc...) Willow and Tara spin around in each other's arms. Suddenly they are in their bedroom. They sit down on the bed and look lovingly at each other. The music and background "ahh, ahh" continues. TARA: The moon to the tide I can feel you inside I'm under your spell [lies down on the bed] Surging like the sea [Willow leans over her, smiles] Wanting you so helplessly I break with every swell [Willow moves downward, disappears out of sh*t] Lost in ecstasy Spread beneath my willow tree You make me complete! Tara's body slowly rises up and hovers over the bed. TARA: You make me complete You make me complete You make me... Cut back to the magic shop. Everyone still looking at books. XANDER: I bet they're not even working. BUFFY: Who now? XANDER: Willow and Tara. You see the way they were with each other? The get-a-roominess to them? I bet they're- (glances at Dawn, catches himself) Singing. They're probably singing right now. GILES: I'm sure Willow and Tara are making every effort. XANDER: Oh, yeah. BUFFY: Xander. DAWN: Buffy, it's okay. I do know about this stuff. Besides, it's all kinda romantic. BUFFY/XANDER: No it's not! DAWN: Come on! Songs, dancing around. What's gonna be wrong with that? Cut to the Bronze. It's dark. A man is tap-dancing across the floor. Cut closer and we see that his expression is scared and desperate. He continues dancing and suddenly bursts into flame, screaming. He falls to the floor in front of a pair of feet in red shoes and red pants. Pan up to reveal a demon in a red suit, with red skin and a pointy chin. SWEET: That's entertainment. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of Xander's apartment building. XANDER VOICEOVER: You want some breakfast, baby? Cut to the bedroom. Xander and Anya still in bed. ANYA: You don't have to go to work? XANDER: Nah, I shut the crew down for the day. My guys start dancing around me, I don't know if I can deal. It's a flab thing. So, waffles? ANYA: Will you still make me waffles when we're married? XANDER: No, I'll only make them for myself, but by California law, you will own half of them. (kisses her) Hey, how about omelettes? I could do an omelette. I've almost got that- Xander continues talking unintelligibly as Anya sits up and begins to sing to the camera. Song: "I'll Never Tell" ANYA: This is the man that I plan to entangle Isn't he fine? My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle Vengeance was mine! But I'm out of the biz The name I made, I'll trade for his The only trouble is [pauses, shakes her head] I'll never tell. Anya gets up and walks off. Xander sits up in bed and sings to the camera. XANDER: She is the one She's such wonderful fun Such passion and grace. Anya returns, sits beside him to put on her slippers. Xander fondles her knee. XANDER: Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight- [catches himself] Embrace! Tight embrace! [hugs her] I'll never let her go [Anya putting slippers on] The love we've known can only grow There's just one thing that - no. I'll never tell. BOTH: 'Cause there's nothing to tell. Cut to the two of them leaving the bedroom, emerging into the living room. ANYA: He snores. XANDER: She wheezes. ANYA: Say 'housework' and he freezes. XANDER: [opens the fridge] She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe. Xander picks up a green cheese, sniffs it and makes an "ew" face. ANYA: I talk, he breezes. XANDER: She doesn't know what 'please' is. ANYA: His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe! [Xander looks annoyed, closes fridge] BOTH: The vibe gets kind of scary XANDER: Like she thinks I'm ordinary ANYA: Like it's all just temporary XANDER: Like her toes are kind of hairy BOTH: [giving each other fake smiles] But it's all very well 'Cause god knows, I'll never tell! Xander opens the newspaper. The headline on the front page reads: MAYHEM CAUSED. MONSTERS CERTAINLY NOT INVOLVED, OFFICIALS SAY. ANYA: When things get rough, he Just hides behind his Buffy! [Xander gives her a look] Now look, he's getting huffy 'Cause he knows that I know. XANDER She clings She's needy She's also really greedy She nev- ANYA: His eyes are beady! XANDER: This is my verse, hello! She- Anya begins to dance in flapper style. ANYA: (spoken) Look at me! I'm dancing crazy! Xander joins the dance and they dance together around the apartment. BOTH: You know... XANDER: You're quite the charmer. ANYA: My knight in armor. XANDER: You're the cutest of the Scoobies With your lips as red as rubies And your firm yet supple- [catches himself] Tight embrace! They resume dancing, then go to opposite sides of the dining room table and sit. ANYA: He's swell XANDER: She's sweller ANYA: He'll always be my feller XANDER: That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified. ANYA: I've read this tale There's wedding, then betrayal I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide. They get up, crawl across the table toward each other. BOTH: I lied I said it's easy I've tried But there's these fears I've can't quell They sit with their backs pressed against each other. XANDER: Is she looking for a pot of gold? ANYA: Will I look good when I've gotten old? [stands up] XANDER: Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful? ANYA: When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley? They get up, resume dancing. XANDER: Am I crazy? ANYA: Am I dreamin'? XANDER: Am I marrying a demon? BOTH: We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell! So, thank god, I'll never tell! I swear that I'll never tell! They walk around the table, toward the couches in the living-room area. XANDER: My lips are sealed ANYA: I take the Fifth XANDER: Nothing to see Move it along BOTH: I'll never Tell! They both fall back onto the sofa, clutching each other and laughing fake Hollywood-musical laughs. End of song "I'll Never Tell." Cut to the street. Anya and Xander are on either side of Giles, all walking down the street. Anya and Xander both talking at once. XANDER: It's a nightmare. ANYA: It has to be stopped. XANDER: It's a plague. It's like a nightmare about a plague. ANYA: It was like we were being watched. XANDER: It's like, I didn't wanna be saying things- ANYA: Like there was a wall missing- XANDER: -but they just kept pouring out. ANYA: -in our apartment. XANDER: And they rhymed and they were mean and ANYA: Like there were only three walls and not a fourth wall and XANDER: My eyes are not beady! ANYA: My toes are not hairy! They stop talking over each other. XANDER: Giles, you've got to stop it. GILES: Well, I am looking into some leads, and I- ANYA: It's just, clearly our number is a retro pastiche that's never going to be a breakaway pop h*t. XANDER: Work with me, British man. Give me an axe and show me where to point it. We hear a woman singing but we can't see her or make out the words yet. GILES: Well now, Xander, it's not quite that simple. But I have learned about some disturbing things. Basically- They continue talking in the background as we focus on a woman (BTVS executive producer Marti Noxon) who is standing by her car singing to a policeman. The cop is writing her a parking ticket and we see that her car is parked next to a f*re hydrant. As she sings we can see Giles, Xander, and Anya standing and talking in background. MARTI: I'm asking you please no It isn't right, it isn't fair There was no parking anywhere I think that hydrant wasn't there [cop gives her the ticket] Why can't you let it go? I think I've paid more than my share... She continues singing in the background as Xander, Anya, and Giles resume walking and talking. XANDER: As in burnt up? Somebody set people on f*re? That's nuts! ANYA: I don't know. One more verse of our little ditty and I would've been looking for a gas can. GILES: Well, clearly emotions are running high. (We see people in background dancing together) But as far as I can tell these people burnt up from the inside, spontaneously combusted. (Three street sweeper men in background dancing with brooms) I've only seen the one. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias. XANDER: Okay, but we're sure that the things are related: the singing and dancing, and burning and dying. They stop walking. The street sweepers continue their dance in background. GILES: We're not sure of much. Buffy's looking for leads at the local demon haunts, at least ... in theory she is, but ... she doesn't seem to- XANDER: She's easing back into it. We pulled her out of an untold hell dimension. Ergo the weirdness. The important thing is to be there for her. GILES: (shakes head) I'm helping her as much as I can, but, uh... Anya pats Giles awkwardly on the shoulder. Cut to Spike's crypt. Buffy enters. Spike emerges from his underground lair. SPIKE: The sun sets and she appears. (climbs up the rest of the way) Come to serenade me? BUFFY: So you know what's going on. SPIKE: Well, I've seen some damn funny things in the last two days. A 600 pound Chirago demon making like Yma Sumac, that one will stay with you. I remain immune, happy to say. (holds up a bottle of whiskey) Drink? BUFFY: A world of no. (sits) So any idea what's causing this? SPIKE: (disappointed) Oh. So that's all. You've just come to pump me for information. BUFFY: What else would I wanna pump you for? (cringes) I really just said that, didn't I? SPIKE: Yeah, well ... don't wanna bore you with the small talk. Spike walks to the door, opens it and turns toward Buffy. SPIKE: Don't know a thing. BUFFY: (frowns) What's up? You're all bad moody. SPIKE: Nothing. Glad you could stop by. He makes a gesture toward the door. Buffy stays seated, looks at him. SPIKE: (defensive) It's nothing. BUFFY: What? Song: "Rest In Peace" SPIKE: (verse one) I died So many years ago. [Spike looks surprised to hear himself singing. Buffy rolls her eyes] But you can make me feel Like it isn't so [shakes his head, closes the door] And why you come to be with me I think I finally know Mmm, mmm. (verse two) You're scared. Ashamed of what you feel [Buffy not looking at him] And you can't tell the ones you love You know they couldn't deal [Now she looks at him, frowns] Whisper in a d*ad man's ear, It doesn't make it real. [points to his head] Buffy looks at him, then looks away. Spike rolls his eyes in annoyance. SPIKE: (verse three) That's great. But I don't wanna play. [walks over to a coffin] 'Cause being with you touches me More than I can say. But since I'm only d*ad to you [jumps up to sit on the coffin] I'm saying stay away [lies down on the coffin, crosses arms over his chest] And let me rest in peace. Spike jumps up and the song takes on an angry rock b*at for the refrain. SPIKE: (refrain) Let me rest in peace Let me get some sleep [grabs whiskey bottle and throws it against the wall. Buffy jumps up] Let me take my love and bury it In a hole six foot deep I can lay my body down [advancing on Buffy] But I can't find my sweet release [turns away from her with an angry gesture] So let me rest in peace! Buffy looks annoyed, turns toward the door, but Spike intercepts her. SPIKE: (verse four) You know You've got a willing sl*ve [goes to his knees] And you just love to play the thought That you might misbehave. [Buffy rolls her eyes] But till you do I'm telling you, [stands up] Stop visiting my grave [angrily] And let me rest in peace. Spike yanks the door open again. Cut to the graveyard. A group of men carry a coffin along. A few dozen yards away we see Spike and Buffy walking along side-by-side. SPIKE: (bridge) I know I should go But I follow you like a man possessed There's a traitor here beneath my breast [exchanges a look with Buffy] And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed [looking at Buffy] If my heart could b*at, it would break my chest [they stop walking] But I can see you're unimpressed [angrily] So leave me be. Spike jumps up onto the coffin being carried by the men. SPIKE: (refrain) And let me rest in peace Let me get some sleep The pall-bearers tip the coffin and Spike tumbles off the end of it, bounces to his feet and shifts into game face. SPIKE: Let me take my love and bury it In a hole six foot deep He rampages through the mourners, tossing their folding-chairs aside. The people scatter. SPIKE: I can lay my body down But I can't find my sweet release... He grabs the priest, stares at him. Buffy comes up behind Spike, grabs him and turns him around. Spike and Buffy tumble backward into the open grave. Spike lands on his back with Buffy on top of him. He's back in human face. SPIKE: Let me rest in peace. Why won't you Let me rest in peace? End of song "Rest In Peace." They still lie in the grave with Buffy on top. She stares at Spike for a moment, then gets off him, leaps out of the grave and runs off. Spike pokes his head up out of the grave to watch her go. SPIKE: (spoken) So ... you're not staying then? Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Dawn is dumping stuff out of her schoolbag. Tara watches from the doorway. Tara has the "forget" herb pinned to her blouse. TARA: Lotta homework? DAWN: Ah, math. It seemed cool when we were singing about it. TARA: (smiles) Willow said they have a lead on the whole musical extravaganza evil. This demon that can be summoned, some sort of Lord of the Dance. (grins) Oh, but not the scary one. Just a demon. DAWN: Um ... do they know who summoned it? TARA: They don't even know its name yet. But Willow will find out. She's the brainy type. (smiles) DAWN: Hm. (smiles at Tara) I'm glad you guys made up. TARA: What? DAWN: That fight you guys had about magic and stuff? It gives me belly rumblings when you guys fight. TARA: (confused) Dawn, Willow and I never fought about- DAWN: It's okay. It's just ... you guys are so great together. I just hate it when you- Tara puts her hand to the herb on her blouse, removes it. Her "I'm Under Your Spell" melody plays in background. DAWN: But that was the only fight I've seen you guys have anyway. But I'm still glad it's over. TARA: (staring at the herb) Dawn, I, um ... there's something I need at the shop. Will you be okay for a little while? DAWN: Yes. The fifteen-year-old can spend a half an hour alone in her locked house. TARA: I-I won't be gone long. Tara leaves. Dawn goes over to a side table, opens a small wooden box. It's filled with stuff she has taken from the magic shop. She takes out the necklace from before and puts it on, looks at herself in the mirror. DAWN: (sings) Does anybody even notice? Does anybody even care? She turns around to find a demon (Sweet's minion) standing behind her. Its whole head is like a big mask. We see there are actually three of the minions. They throw a bag over Dawn's head. She continues screaming, muffled. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the Bronze. Pan down to reveal Dawn asleep on the pool table. She suddenly jerks awake, sits up, begins to do a ballet dance. She leaps down off the pool table and is confronted by one of the mask minions. They do a ballet-ish dance that basically represents Dawn trying to escape and the demon stopping her. The other two demons appear and join the dance. They surround Dawn as she huddles close to the floor. Then they fling her and she goes sliding across the floor, stopping beside the stage. We see Sweet's feet in red pants and black-and-white dance shoes. They begin to do a tap-dance number, dance down the stairs and toward Dawn... Meanwhile the camera moves up to reveal Sweet. He dances around to the other side of Dawn. Song: "That's What It's All About." SWEET: Why'd you run away? Don't you like my ... style? He snaps his fingers and his red suit turns to a blue one. SWEET: Why don't you come and play? I guarantee a... He reaches up to his face, pulls off his mouth and holds the disembodied mouth in Dawn's face. She stares in shock as the mouth continues singing. SWEET: ...great big smile. The mouth disappears from his hand and reappears in its normal place. SWEET: I come from the Imagination And I'm here strictly by your Invocation [holds up a scroll covered with writing] So what do you say? Why don't we dance awhile? He dances over to Dawn, gestures at her, then dances away again. SWEET: I'm the hot swing I'm the twist and shout [tapdances] When you gotta sing, When you gotta ... let it out. [sh*t of the three minions dancing to the tune] You call me and I come a-running [dances back toward Dawn] I turn the music on I bring the fun in [makes a string-pulling gesture at Dawn, who gets up] Now we're partyin' That's what it's all about. [chuckles] He dances toward Dawn and she dances backward. SWEET: 'Cause I know ... what you feel, girl. He puts his arms around her and they dance together. Dawn looks scared. SWEET: I know just what you feel, girl. He spins Dawn away, she dances a few steps away from him. DAWN: (spoken, nervous) So ... you're like a good demon? Bringing the fun in? Sweet laughs, shakes his head "no." SWEET: All these melodies ... [Dawn sits] They go on too long Then that energy [minions doing a dance-fight] Starts to come on way too strong All those hearts laid open, that must sting [a door appears beside Sweet, he reaches for the knob] Plus, some customers just start combusting Sweet opens the door and a charred smoking corpse falls through it. Dawn stares in horror. SWEET: That's the penalty [dances back over to her] When life is but a song. [dancing up very close to Dawn, she looks very nervous] You brought me down into this town So, when we blow this scene Back we will go to my kingdom below And you will be my queen Sweet makes a gesture and Dawn's clothing turns to a satiny ball gown. SWEET: 'Cause I know what you feel, girl [dances up onto the stage] DAWN: No, you see You and me Wouldn't be very regal SWEET: I'll make it real, girl [dancing around the stage] DAWN: What I mean I'm fifteen So this queen thing's illegal SWEET: [jumps back onto the floor] I can bring whole cities to ruin And still have time to get a soft-shoe in DAWN: Well, that's great But I'm late And I'd hate to delay her SWEET: [dancing around her] Something's cooking, I'm at the griddle I bought Nero his very first fiddle DAWN: She'll get pissed If I'm missed See, my sister's the Slayer Sweet stops in mid-kick, looks surprised, stops dancing, turns to Dawn. End of song "That's What It's All About." SWEET: (spoken) The Slayer? DAWN: (nods, nervously) Yuh-huh. SWEET: (chuckles, turns to minions) Find her. Tell her ... tell her everything. (Dawn looks nervous) Just get her here. I want to see the Slayer burn. Dawn looks alarmed. SWEET: (sings) Now we're partying. That's what it's all about. Cut to the workout room. Giles holds a large piece of wood. Buffy kicks it in two. GILES: Good. Good. BUFFY: I feel like I should ... bow, or ... have honor or something. GILES: It may seem hokey, but we need to work on precision and concentration as much as power. (goes to put the wood down) We're still not sure what we're facing. BUFFY: (puts one leg up on the horse, stretches) Oh, you'll figure it out. I'm just worried this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an 80's movie. GILES: Ah. Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away. (picks up a towel) Anyway, I don't think we need to work that much on your strength. BUFFY: Yeah, I'm pretty spry for a corpse. (doing a handstand on the horse) GILES: (pauses) Have you spoken to Dawn about that incident at Halloween? Buffy leaps down from the horse, frowns. BUFFY: Oh. I thought you took care of that. (stretching her arms) GILES: (softly) Right. BUFFY: (oblivious) What would I do without you? Giles looks pensive, turns and begins to walk toward a set of w*apon in a display case on the wall. BUFFY: Okay. I'm ready. Song: "Standing In The Way" GILES: You're not ready for the world outside You keep pretending, but you just can't hide [picks up something from w*apon case] I know I said that I'd be standing by your side [walks toward Buffy] But I... Giles throws a small Kn*fe at Buffy. She leans backward, lets it fly past her. GILES: Your path's unbeaten and it's all uphill [throws another Kn*fe, which she deflects with one hand] And you can meet it, but you never will [walking back toward the w*apon] And I'm the reason that you're standing still [looks at her as she stands waiting] But I... [walks back, throws another Kn*fe, Buffy kicks it aside in slow-motion] I wish I could say the right words To lead you through this land. [Buffy still kicking in slo-mo] Wish I could play the father And take you by the hand [reaching out his hand, then pulls it back] Wish I could stay here But now I understand [walks closer as Buffy does a handspring and then a split in slo-mo] I'm standing in the way. As Giles continues singing, we cut to the magic shop. Tara walks in as Willow has her back turned. Willow doesn't see Tara. GILES: The cries around you, you don't hear at all Tara walks quickly toward the back, crying, looking at the herb in her hand, begins to climb the steps to the loft. GILES: 'Cause you know I'm here to take that call Cut back to the workout room. Giles walks around the perimeter in regular speed as Buffy does flips across the center of the room in slo-mo. GILES: So you just lie there when you should be standing tall But I... [Buffy punching the punching bag in slo-mo as Giles walks around her] I wish I could lay your arms down And let you rest at last Wish I could slay your demons But now that time has passed Wish I could stay here Your stalwart, standing fast But I've been standing in the way. Buffy walks right up in front of Giles, shaking her hair out, still in slo-mo. GILES: I'm just standing ... in the way. End of song "Standing In The Way." Buffy returns to regular speed. BUFFY: (spoken) Did you just say something? Cut to the loft. Tara looks through a book. She holds the piece of dried herb up to a picture of the same herb. Close sh*t on the book. The herb is labeled "Lethe's Bramble. Used for augmenting spells of forgetting and mind control." Song: "Wish I Could Stay" TARA: (same melody from her previous song) I'm under your spell God, how can this be? Playing with my memory [turns, goes to the edge of the loft and looks down] You know I've been through hell Willow, don't you see? [below, we see Buffy go over to Willow and greet her] There'll be nothing left of me You made me believe. [Giles emerges from the back, overlaps with Tara's last word] GILES: Believe me, I don't wanna go GILES/TARA: And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so [sh*t of Willow and Buffy talking, oblivious to the singing] GILES/TARA: But we both know Tara comes down the stairs and Giles sits at the table as they sing. GILES TARA Wish I could say the right words To lead you through this land Wish I could play the father And take you by the hand Wish I could trust that it was just this once But I must do what I must I can't adjust to this disgust We're done and I just GILES/TARA: Wish I could stay [Tara reaches the ground level, Giles stands up] Wish I could stay Wish I could stay [They both walk toward the front of the store. Another sh*t of Buffy and Willow talking] GILES/TARA: Wish I could stay... End of song "Wish I Could Stay." Tara and Giles stand side-by-side as their song ends. Suddenly Spike bursts into the magic shop pulling one of Sweet's minions. Everyone turns to look. SPIKE: Lookie lookie what I found. TARA: Is-is this the demon guy? WILLOW: (happily) Tara! Tara ignores her. Willow looks surprised. Xander and Anya emerge from the back. SPIKE: Works for him. Has a nice little story for the Slayer, don't you? Come on, then. (shoves the minion forward) Sing. The music swells up dramatically as if to introduce a big musical number, but the minion simply speaks in normal voice. MINION: My master has the Slayer's sister hostage at the Bronze because she summoned him and at midnight he's going to take her to the underworld to be his queen. GILES: What does he want? MINION: (indicates Buffy) Her. SPIKE: (scoffs) If that's all you've got to say, then- Spike tries to grab the minion but he breaks free and runs off. SPIKE: (surprised) Strong. Someday he'll be a real boy. BUFFY: So. Dawn's in trouble. Must be Tuesday. TARA: I-I just left her for a few minutes. BUFFY: Oh, it's not your fault. So what's the plan? XANDER: Plan, schman. Let's mount up. GILES: No. ANYA: Uh, Dawn may have had the wrong idea in summoning this creature, but ... I've seen some of these underworld child bride deals and, and they never end well. Well, maybe once. WILLOW: We're not just gonna stay here. GILES: Yes we are. (looks intently at Buffy) Buffy's going alone. SPIKE: (disgusted laugh) Gah! Don't be a stupid git. There is no- GILES: If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll- (pauses to consider) I'll never want your opinion. WILLOW: A little confusion spell could- TARA: No! (Willow looks surprised) I mean, I don't think it'll help. SPIKE: (to Buffy) Look, forget them, Slayer. I've got your back. BUFFY: I thought you wanted me to stay away from you. Isn't that what you sang? XANDER: Spike sing a widdle song? ANYA: Would you say it was a breakaway pop h*t or more of a book number? XANDER: Let it go, sweetie. SPIKE: (to Buffy, angrily) Fine. I hope you dance till you burn. You and the little bit. Spike exits. Buffy looks at Giles. BUFFY: You're really not coming. GILES: (walks up to her) It's up to you, Buffy. BUFFY: (upset) What do you expect me to do? GILES: Your best. Buffy stares at him. Cut to the street. It's dark, red lighting. Some people are doing an angry dance-fight. Pan down to focus on a garbage can with a f*re burning inside it. Buffy walks up in foreground, holds her hand out to the f*re. Song: "Walk Through The f*re" BUFFY: (verse one) I touch the f*re and it freezes me I look into it and it's black Why can't I feel? [looking at her hand] My skin should crack and peel [turns to glare at the camera] I want the f*re back! Cut to the Bronze. Smoke swirls as Sweet shoves Dawn into a chair, goes to sit in another chair beside her. Dawn looks scared. BUFFY: (verse two) Now through the smoke, she calls to me To make my way across the flame [cut back to Buffy standing on the street] To save the day Or maybe melt away I guess it's all the same (refrain) So I will walk [starts to walk] through the f*re 'Cause where else can I turn? I will walk through the f*re And let it- Cut to Spike sitting in an alley smoking a cigarette. SPIKE: (verse three) The torch I bear is scorching me Buffy's laughing, I've no doubt [takes a drag] I hope she fries I'm free if that bitch dies! [tosses cigarette away angrily, then jumps up] I better help her out. [starts walking] Cut to the Bronze. SWEET: (refrain) 'Cause she is drawn to the f*re. SWEET: Some people SPIKE: She will SPIKE/SWEET: never learn. [Spike walking down the street. Sweet standing up in the Bronze] SPIKE/SWEET: And she will walk through the f*re And let it- Cut to the magic shop. Willow and Tara sit at the table not looking at each other. Giles stands behind the counter. GILES: (bridge) Will this do a thing to change her? Am I leaving Dawn in danger? Is my slayer too far gone to care? XANDER: What if Buffy can't defeat it? ANYA: Beady Eyes is right, we're needed! Or we could just sit around and glare. [looks at Willow and Tara] Giles comes out from behind the counter, gives Willow and Tara a look. They get up, and they all start walking toward the door. ANYA/GILES/TARA/WILLOW/XANDER: (refrain) We'll see it through It's what we're always here to do So we will walk through the f*re Cut to Buffy walking alone through an alley. BUFFY: TARA: (descant) So one by one, they turn from me I guess my friends can't face the cold But why I froze, not one among them knows And never can be told. What can't we face... If we're together? The following sequence has Sweet split-screened with the Scoobies as they walk along the street singing. Basically whoever's singing at the moment is on screen. SWEET: BUFFY: ANYA: She came from the grave much graver SPIKE: First he'll k*ll her, then I'll save her TARA: Everything is turning out so dark SPIKE: No, I'll save her, then I'll k*ll her WILLOW: I think this line's mostly filler GILES: What's it gonna take to strike a spark? So one by one they turn to me The distant redness as their guide That single flame Ain't what they had in mind. It's what they have inside. Going through the motions Walking through the part BUFFY: SWEET: These endless days are finally ending in a blaze She will come to me. BUFFY, ANYA, GILES, SPIKE, TARA, WILLOW, XANDER: And we are caught in the f*re [Buffy walking down the street alone] The point of no return So we will walk through the f*re [The Scoobies walking down the street. A f*re engine goes by behind them with lights flashing] And let it Burn Let it burn [Spike jumps over a fence, is in an alley] Let it burn Let it burn! Buffy kicks down the door of the Bronze. It smashes to pieces. SWEET (spoken) Showtime! (chuckles) Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Buffy walks into the Bronze, looks around, sees Sweet and Dawn sitting in chairs on the stage. SWEET: I love a good entrance. BUFFY: How are you with death scenes? Sweet just chuckles. Buffy walks a little closer. BUFFY: You got a name? SWEET: I've got a hundred. BUFFY: Well, I ought to know what to call you if you're gonna be my brother-in-law. DAWN: Buffy, I swear I didn't do it. BUFFY: Don't worry. You're not going anywhere. (Sweet looks at her) I am. DAWN: What? (Sweet looks interested, sits forward) BUFFY: (to Sweet) Deal's this. I can't k*ll you? You take me to Hellsville in her place. SWEET: (scoffs) What if I k*ll you? BUFFY: (deadpan) Trust me. Won't help. SWEET: Hm, that's gloomy! BUFFY: That's life. SWEET: (chuckles) Come now, is that really what you feel? Isn't life a miraculous thing? BUFFY: I think you already know. Song: "Life" BUFFY: (verse one, ballad-like melody) Life's a show And we all play our parts And when the music starts [unbuttons her jacket, opens it] We open up our hearts. [drops jacket to the floor] It's all right If some things come out wrong [looks over, sees the minions holding pool cues] We'll sing a happy song And you can sing along. The b*at changes to a harsh hard-rock tune with lots of electric guitar. The minions att*ck. BUFFY: Where there's life [grabs pool cue from minion, hits him] There's hope Every day's [elbows second minion] A gift Wishes can [kick] Come true Whistle while [punch] You work [blow with pool cue] So hard [blow] All day [throws pool cue, impales third minion] Back to the original ballad melody. BUFFY: To be like other girls. Giles, Anya, Xander, Willow, and Tara run in. BUFFY: To fit in in this glittering world. [Sweet watching, listening] Don't give me songs. GILES: (spoken) She needs backup. Anya, Tara. BUFFY: Don't give me songs. Anya and Tara take up positions behind Buffy to be her backup singers and dancers. The three of them move in sync. BUFFY: Give me something to sing about. ANYA/TARA: Ahhhhh... BUFFY: I need something to sing about. ANYA/TARA: Ahhhhh... More dancing. The hard-rock b*at returns. The girls dance to it for a minute, then return to the first dance and the ballad. BUFFY: (verse two) Life's a song You don't get to rehearse. And every single verse Can make it that much worse. [Anya and Tara stop dancing, move to background] [Buffy puts up a hand as if to shield herself from the sight of her friends] Still my friends Don't know why I ignore The million things or more I should be dancing for. Back to the hard-rock tune. Buffy continues dancing alone. BUFFY: All the joy Life sends Family And friends All the twists And bends Knowing that It ends Well that Depends Back to the ballad melody. BUFFY: On if they let you go [looking around at the Scoobies] On if they know enough to know [walking up the steps to the stage] That when you've bowed You leave the crowd. She walks up onto the stage, looks back at the others, then at Sweet still sitting. He makes his string-pulling gesture. Buffy walks right up to him. BUFFY: (verse three, new melody) There was no pain No fear, no doubt Till they pulled me out Of Heaven. [looks back at the others. Giles and Xander looking surprised] So that's my refrain. [Willow looking horrified] I live in Hell [Xander looking horrified] 'Cause I've been expelled From Heaven I think I was in Heaven [Willow looking horrified] So give me something to sing about. [whirls around to look at Sweet] Please Give me something... Sweet shakes his head. Buffy gives a desperate look, turns and flips off the stage onto the floor. The hard-rock tune returns with the electric guitars playing a wild riff. Buffy dances, faster and faster. Dawn watches in dismay. Sweet leans forward expectantly. Buffy spins wildly round and round and round, smoke begins to curl off her. Suddenly Spike appears, stops her by grabbing her upper arms. Buffy gives him a desperate unhappy look. SPIKE: (verse four, same melody as verse three) Life's not a song Life isn't bliss Life is just this It's living [brushes hair back from her face] You'll get along [Dawn stands up] The pain that you feel You only can heal By living [Buffy looks about to cry] You have to go one living So one of us is living. Buffy stares at Spike. Dawn walks forward to the edge of the stage. DAWN: (spoken) The hardest thing in this world ... is to live in it. Buffy looks at Dawn, then back at Spike. sh*t of Tara trying to comfort Willow. Last few chords. End of song "Life's A Show." Sweet applauds. SWEET: Now that was a show-stopping number. (Buffy and Spike turning to look at him) Not quite the fireworks that I was looking for. WILLOW: Get out of here. SWEET: Mm, I smell power. (stands) I guess the little missus and I should be on our way. (Dawn backing away from him in fear, sitting back down) GILES: That's never going to happen. SWEET: (chuckling) I don't make the rules. She summoned me. DAWN: (to Sweet) I so did not. (to others) He keeps saying that. SWEET: You have my talisman on, sweet thing. Sweet reaches to touch the necklace Dawn is wearing. She cringes in fear, cowers away from him. DAWN: (very nervous) Oh, but, no, I, I, um, uh, this, at, at the Magic Box, on the floor, I was, I was cleaning, and I ... forgot ... but ... I didn't summon anything. SWEET: Well now, that's a twist. GILES: If it was in the shop ... then one of us probably... b*at. They all look around at each other. Slowly Xander raises his hand. ANYA: Xander?! XANDER: Well, I didn't know what was gonna happen! I just thought there were gonna be dances and songs. (to Anya) I just wanted to make sure we'd... we'd work out. (nervous smile) Get a happy ending. SWEET: (chuckling) I think everything worked out just fine. XANDER: Does this mean that I have to... (gulp) be your queen? (Anya looks anxious) SWEET: It's tempting. (Xander looking apprehensive) But I think we'll waive that clause just this once. Xander is intensely relieved. Everyone else just continues watching Sweet. SWEET: Big smiles everyone! You b*at the bad guy. He does a quick spin. Song: "See You In Hell" SWEET: (same tune as his first number) What a lot of fun You guys have been real swell [chuckles, begins dancing] And there's not a one Who can say this ended well [Buffy and Spike watching] All those secrets you've been concealing [Willow, Tara, Giles, and Xander watching] Say you're happy now, Once more with feeling. Now I gotta run See you all... He turns into a ball of light that swirls around their heads, leaving a sparkly trail. They watch it go. SWEET: ...in heeeeeeell! End of song "See You In Hell." Everyone stands around looking kind of shell-shocked. Dawn walks across the stage in foreground with the others in background. Song: "Where Do We Go From Here?" DAWN: Where do we go ... from here? [walks to the steps and down] BUFFY/SPIKE: Where do we go ... from here? GILES: The battle's done And we kind of won GILES/TARA: So we sound our victory cheer Where do we go from here? ANYA/XANDER: Why is the path unclear When we know home is near? They all move to stand in a line side-by-side. ALL: Understand we'll go hand in hand [all join hands] But we'll walk alone in fear. [all release hands and walk off in different directions] GILES: Tell me! ALL: Where do we go from here? When does the end appear? They all make a dance gesture with their arms. Close on Spike. In the middle of singing "appear" he suddenly stops, scoffs, puts his arm down. SPIKE: (spoken) Bugger this. Spike turns and leaves. The song continues without him. ALL: When do the trumpets cheer? The curtains close on a kiss, god knows Cut to outside. Spike exits and begins walking down the street. ALL: (faintly) we can tell the end is near. Buffy comes out of the Bronze after Spike. BUFFY: (spoken) Hey. ALL: (faintly) Where do we go from here? End of song "Where Do We Go From Here." SPIKE: (spoken) You should go back inside. Finish the big group sing. Get your kum-ba-yayas out. BUFFY: I don't want to. SPIKE: (sighs) The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones. BUFFY: Spike... SPIKE: Look, you don't have to say anything. BUFFY: (sings) I touch the f*re and it freezes me. Spike looks surprised. They walk toward each other. SPIKE: (sings) I died... BUFFY: SPIKE: I look into it and it's black This isn't real But I just want to feel So many years ago. But you can make me Feel As they hold the last note on "feel" they walk right up to each other. They finish the song and kiss passionately. ALL: (singing) Where do we go from here? The words "The End" flash on the screen, then an image of curtains that draw closed over Buffy and Spike as they continue kissing. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x07 - Once More With Feeling"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... People setting books on f*re. Amy tied to the stake in "Gingerbread." AMY: All right! You wanna fry a witch? I'll give you a witch! Before thee let the unclean thing crawl! Amy turning into a rat. The rat running around the floor. WILLOW: She's a perfectly normal girl. Then, she's a rat. BUFFY: Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies. Tara and Willow in Joyce's bedroom. TARA: Can, can we not do this now? WILLOW: Forget it ever happened. Willow doing the forget spell. WILLOW: Forget. Tara and Willow arguing. TARA: What is wrong with you? I know you used that spell on me. WILLOW: I'll go a month without doing any magic. Willow taking the bag of herbs out of the cabinet. TARA: Go a week. WILLOW: Fine, that's easy! Willow putting the crystal in the f*re. WILLOW: When the f*re goes out, when the crystal turns black, the spell will be cast. Willow sitting and crying. TARA: I don't think this is gonna work. Tara packing her things. WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Spike in Warren's apartment. SPIKE: I'm placing an order. WARREN: Oh no no, I'm not making any more girls. SPIKE: Sure you are. Here's your specs. Warren, Jonathan, and Andrew in flashback. WARREN: So ... you guys wanna team up and take over Sunnydale? JONATHAN/ANDREW: Okay. Jonathan doing a spell. WARREN: The Trio versus the Slayer. JONATHAN: We're like supervillains. The Trio laughing their dorky super-villain laughs. Buffy talking to Giles. BUFFY: I can't do this without you. GILES: You can. That's why I'm going. Giles talking to the Scoobies. GILES: I'm heading back to England. Giles on the plane. GILES: ...and I plan to stay. Spike and Buffy in the graveyard. SPIKE: We have to talk. BUFFY: About what? SPIKE: We kissed, Buffy. Spike and Buffy kissing at the end of "Tabula Rasa." Episode opens in an alley. Overhead sh*t of a scared middle-aged couple backing up against a wall. Two men advancing toward them. One of the men is holding the woman's purse and looking through it. HUSBAND: (nervous) I'm sure we can work something out. WIFE: A deal of some sort. Anything you want. BUFFY: (OS) I always wanted a pony. Everyone turns to see Buffy standing there. BUFFY: Oh. You weren't really speaking to me, were you? My bad. Well, as long as I'm here... She walks forward and kicks one of the men. He stumbles back, drops the purse. He and his cohort stare at Buffy in fear. We see that they're human, not vampires. BUFFY: (surprised) Wow. A mugging. Haven't gotten one of those in a while. The uninjured mugger checking to make sure the one Buffy kicked is okay. BUFFY: Usually it's blood, and with the horror ... just a good old-fashioned mugging. (the victims staring at her) Kinda sweet actually. Buffy bends over, picks up the woman's purse. BUFFY: Oh, uh, probably not for you. Here. (gives the woman her purse) Go. Now. The husband and wife run off. One of the muggers att*cks Buffy and she blocks his punch, punches him, then grabs his arm and twists it around behind him. She holds him there while she kicks the other one back. BUFFY: Not too sweet for you either, huh? (mugger getting up) But come on, rush me. It'll be funny. The second mugger gets up and is about to rush her when Spike comes into the sh*t yelling. SPIKE: Yaah! BUFFY: No! Spike punches the mugger and falls into a pile of boxes. Buffy lets go of the mugger she's holding and he runs off. Spike rolls around in the pile of boxes clutching his head in pain. Boxes fall on top of him. The other mugger runs off too. Buffy watches them go and yells in frustration. BUFFY: Gah! Oh! Spike gets up, still holding his head. BUFFY: What the hell are you doing? SPIKE: I thought they were demons. BUFFY: Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher. SPIKE: (glares) Remind me not to help you. BUFFY: *More* often? SPIKE: Hey. Little sympathy for the man with the migraine here, can we? BUFFY: Well, that's what you get for attacking a human. SPIKE: Yeah. (annoyed) You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head, they'd at least make it so I could att*ck criminals and that sort. BUFFY: Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten. Spike gives her a sour look. BUFFY: Just have to get your rocks off fightin' demons. SPIKE: (suggestively) There are other ways. BUFFY: And to that, an extreme 'see you later.' She turns to go. Spike smirks, walks after her. SPIKE: Buffy. She stops, sighs, turns back. BUFFY: Spike ... it's late, okay, can we just finish this another time? SPIKE: (walks closer) Oh, so you wanna jump right to the kissing then, eh? BUFFY: I am not kissing you, Spike. Once was- SPIKE: Twice. BUFFY: But not again. She turns away again, begins walking. SPIKE: You're a tease, you know that, Slayer? (Buffy rolls her eyes, continues walking) Get a fellow's motor revving, let the tension marinate a couple-a days, then bam! Crown yourself the ice queen. BUFFY: (still walking away) Need a few more metaphors for that little mix? She walks off. Spike stays where he is in the alley, yelling after her. SPIKE: (yells) It's only a matter of time before you realize I'm the only one here for you, pet. You got no one else! Cut to the Summers house, night. Willow opens the door of her bedroom, peeks out, goes back inside and closes the door. She goes over to the window, looks out. Amy-Rat is in a cage on the floor, squeaking. Willow kneels down beside it. WILLOW: What's the matter, Amy? You lonely? (opens the cage) Oh, we need to get you a nice companion rat (takes Amy out of the cage) that you can love ... play with ... and grow attached to, until one day they leave you for no good reason. Willow carries the rat over to the bed, stroking it gently. She puts the rat down on the bed. WILLOW: Won't that be fun? (rat squeaking) Relax, Amy. I'm just kiddin'. I swear, if I could figure out how to turn you back... (realizes something) Any way ... Revele! A sheet of paper appears on the desk. Willow picks it up, reads. WILLOW: 'Cio che fu non e piu. Cio che fu fatto disfa. Passato e il pericolo, finita e la prova. Metti le cosa a posto.' Willow looks up at the bed. Red lightning flashes as the rat morphs back into Amy, sitting naked on the bed with her legs pulled up to her chest. Willow smiles. Amy lifts her head, looks around, her movements all twitchy like a rat. She screams. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Elizabeth Anne Allen, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Drew Z. Greenberg, directed by Turi Meyer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open in a museum, night. A person dressed all in black descends from the domed ceiling on a thin wire, à la Tom Cruise in "Mission Impossible." He stops, hovering beside a display case in the center of the room. Cut closer. We see that it's Andrew, wearing all black clothes and a black beret and a small microphone headset. He attaches a small metal device to the side of the display case. Warren and Jonathan walk up beside him. WARREN: Dude, what are you doing? JONATHAN: We're not breaking into Langley here. It's Sunnydale. ANDREW: Well, you never know what new stuff they have, better safe than- WARREN: Okay, the security system here is a guy named Rusty. Warren gives Andrew a shove so that he starts spinning head-over-heels in the air. He spins a few times before managing to stop himself. Warren and Jonathan grin. WARREN: Now get up. ANDREW: Whoa, head rush. Cool. Andrew grins, disconnects himself from the wires. WARREN: Guys, come on, quit jerking around. Warren walks over to the display case. We see that he has a small gas t*nk strapped to his back. He removes the device that Andrew attached to the glass, tosses it over his shoulder. Jonathan catches it. Warren produces a small blowtorch and begins cutting the glass. ANDREW: See, that's cool. How come he gets to play with all the cool stuff? JONATHAN: Because I'm allergic to methane and you're still afraid of hot things? ANDREW: (pouty) I know. JONATHAN: Besides, the t*nk kept making both of us tip over, remember? Warren has finished cutting a hole in the glass. He knocks out the round piece of glass, reaches in and grabs a large diamond from the case. He turns to the others. WARREN: Got it! JONATHAN: It's beautiful. WARREN: Boys, congratulations, Phase One of the plan is now complete. Let's get the hell outta here. They turn to go, but are confronted by an older man in a security uniform. RUSTY: What are you boys doing? WARREN: Um, we're with a tour group. (pauses) The Get-The-Freeze-Ray tour group. Musta gotten separated. RUSTY: Museum closed five hours ago. WARREN: Really? RUSTY: Uh-huh. WARREN: Huh! Guess we just lost track of time, we should probably get the *freeze ray* out of here now. Warren pauses, waiting for the others to pick up on his subtle cue, but they don't. He turns to glare at Jonathan. Jonathan and Andrew finally clue in, turn their backs to Rusty and dig in a bag that Jonathan's carrying. WARREN: 'Cause we love the learning, Rusty. (walking closer to Rusty) Museums, libraries, Disney Hall of Presidents ... not boring. But more to the point? Good-bye. Warren makes a kissing motion at Rusty and backs up. Jonathan points a large g*n-like device at Rusty and fires. Ice sh**t out of it and encases Rusty completely, immobilizing him. WARREN: (excited) Dude, that is so cool! (walks closer to Rusty) ANDREW: The freeze ray totally worked. We see that Jonathan's arm holding the freeze-ray is also encased in ice. JONATHAN: Yeah, uh, not exactly. WARREN: (still gazing at Rusty) So there's a kink or two. It's just a prototype. I mean, soon we'll have- JONATHAN: Hey, that's really neato and stuff, but in the meantime, you know ... ow! WARREN: (glances at him) Be a bigger wuss. JONATHAN: Can we just go back to the lair? Because ... I can't ... really feel my fingers. WARREN: Yeah, yeah, come on. Jonathan and Andrew walk on past Warren. Andrew pauses looking at Rusty. ANDREW: Is he gonna like- WARREN: Oh, he'll be fine. Yeah, he'll defrost in a couple of days, no harm, no foul. ANDREW: Won't he tell on us? WARREN: And say what? 'Two guys and a mime took me out with their freeze ray'? That's likely. Andrew looks uncertain. WARREN: Come on! They walk off, leaving Rusty standing there with bits of mist curling off him. Cut to the Summers house. Amy still sits on the bed in the same position, but now she is wearing clothes. She looks around, very twitchy rat-like movements. She jumps as the door opens. Willow enters holding a mug. WILLOW: Hey. Here's some hot chocolate, you want- AMY: No, thanks. (gestures at her throat) Still ... kinda queasy. WILLOW: Okay. Maybe later. Willow turns to put the mug down. Sound of a siren from outside. Amy starts, looks fearfully at the window. Magic sound-effect. The window slams shut. WILLOW: Hey, no, i-it's okay. Amy makes a gesture with one hand and the curtains pull shut over the window. WILLOW: (walking forward) It's, it's just a siren. It's o-it's all right. Okay? You okay? Amy peers at the window, then looks at Willow. AMY: (twitchy) Mm-hm. Yeah. Just ... you know. (whispers) Everything feels weird. (Willow nods) I mean, it's like ... I felt like I was in that cage for weeks. (Willow looks nervous) But it can still be okay ... right? I-I can still get into the swing of things, like ... prom's coming up. I-I'm so hoping Larry would ask me. We would make such a splash at- (sees Willow's expression) Oh. Oh god. (sighs, anxiously) He hasn't asked someone else, has he? WILLOW: Uh, Amy ... three things we have to talk about. One, Larry's gay. (Amy staring at her) Two, Larry's d*ad. (Amy still staring) And three, high school's ... kinda over. Amy frowns, stares at her. AMY: How long was I in the cage? Willow fidgets nervously, looks around. AMY: How long?! Cut to downstairs. Buffy enters from outside, puts her keys on the table by the door, looks around. BUFFY: Willow? She goes up the stairs. Cut to the bedroom. Willow sits on the bed, leaning against the headboard. Buffy enters. BUFFY: Hey. (they smile at each other) How you doin'? WILLOW: Oh. Uh ... okay. (sits up) BUFFY: Yeah? (sits on bed beside Willow) WILLOW: Yeah. Not parades and cotton candy, but ... okay. BUFFY: Will, um ... can I talk to you about something? WILLOW: Of course. BUFFY: (nervous) Right. Okay. Um ... You know how we all make choices? And sometimes they're good, and ... sometimes they're ... less good. WILLOW: Uh-huh... BUFFY: Well, lately, I, uh... The bathroom door opens. Buffy glances over as Amy comes out. BUFFY: Oh, Tara, hey- (pauses, stares) Amy?! AMY: (to Willow) The whole school? Willow nods. Buffy stares at Amy, then at Willow. AMY: By a giant snake thing. (nods) Okay, still adjusting. Hi Buffy. BUFFY: Hi. (awkwardly) How've you been? AMY: Rat. You? BUFFY: d*ad. AMY: Oh. BUFFY: (looking at Willow) Well, I should ... let you guys catch up, I can- AMY: No no no, stay. (twitchy) Do you have any cookies? BUFFY: Uh, yeah, w-what kind? AMY: Any kind. Not cheese. BUFFY: Um, sure, in the, the kitchen, I'll just get 'em- (gets up) AMY: Oh no, I'll grab 'em. (moves toward the door) BUFFY: Okay, well, at least, you know, let me make up the, the couch for you? It's late, you should stay here. Everybody does. AMY: (distracted) Thank you. Amy exits. Buffy stares at Willow. BUFFY: Wow. WILLOW: (smiling) I know. BUFFY: Is ... she gonna be okay? WILLOW: Don't know. She's kinda freaked out. I mean, I would be too. BUFFY: Wow. WILLOW: I, I just realized I could. Thought of the right thing, and ... it's nice, having another magically-inclined friend around. Buffy looks down, pensive. WILLOW: So, w-what were you gonna tell me? You were sounding all serious. BUFFY: Huh? Oh. Uh, it's nothing. I mean, the whole Amy, rat, Amy thing ... no way I'm toppin' that. Buffy exits. Cut to downstairs. Amy sits on the couch eating cookies and watching TV. Buffy comes down the stairs, stands in the doorway from the foyer to the living room. BUFFY: Hey. (Amy mutes the TV) How you doin'? Need anything? AMY: No, thanks. Good cookies. Buffy smiles. b*at. AMY: Sorry about your mom. BUFFY: (softly) Thanks. AMY: It's crazy, all the things that've happened since I went away. BUFFY: No kidding. AMY: Snyder got eaten by a snake ... high school got destroyed... BUFFY: Oh, Gatorade has a new flavor. Blue. AMY: See? Head spinning. (shakes head) People getting frozen ... Willow's dating girls ... and did you hear about Tom and Nicole?! Buffy comes forward, frowning. BUFFY: (frowns) People getting frozen? Amy turns on the TV sound. TV REPORTER: ...in critical yet s*ab condition as local authorities continue their investigation into the robbery that left one man frozen solid. On the TV, behind the reporter we can see the exterior of the museum with an ambulance and a bunch of people moving around. REPORTER: Live from the museum, Ryan Morris, KOUS. AMY: Weird. Cut to outside the museum. Sirens, flashing lights, a crowd of people standing around. Buffy stands behind the gathered people, jumping up and down trying to see over their heads. BUFFY: Excuse me, excuse me, thanks. She pushes her way to the front of the crowd, stares and frowns. We see a couple of policemen wheeling out the still-frozen Rusty on a dolly. TV cameramen following them. Buffy turns and starts walking around toward the side of the museum, across the lawn. She looks back at the crowd, continues on her way, suddenly stops as she sees something in front of her. BUFFY: (annoyed) Great. SPIKE: Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. BUFFY: What are you doing here, Spike? SPIKE: Well, you know, a man was frozen alive in there. A little compassion, luv. Buffy rolls her eyes, starts to walk past him. Spike falls into step beside her. SPIKE: Uh, you know, as long as we're both here, you might as well tag along. I mean, as a team we could- BUFFY: Yeah, that never really ends well, does it? SPIKE: It did the other night. BUFFY: You really seem awfully fixated on a couple of kisses, Spike. Spike pauses, so that she walks a few steps ahead of him. SPIKE: And you seem awfully quick to forget about them. Buffy stops walking, turns to him. BUFFY: Look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm-I'm sorry if you thought that it meant more. SPIKE: But... BUFFY: But ... when I kissed you ... you know I was thinking about Giles, right? SPIKE: You know, I always wondered about you two. BUFFY: What? (makes a face) Oh, gross, Spike! (Spike frowns) He left. I was depressed. Ergo vulnerability and, and bad kissing decisions. (Spike still frowning) Okay, but, that's all that it was. You have to let it go. SPIKE: (smirking) Did it work? BUFFY: What? SPIKE: You convince yourself? BUFFY: (seriously) Please, stop. She starts walking again. Spike follows. SPIKE: A man can change. She again stops walking and faces him. BUFFY: You're not a man. You're a thing. She turns away again. Spike frowns, grabs her shoulder. SPIKE: Stop walking away. BUFFY: Don't touch me! As Spike turns her around she punches him with her other hand. He pulls back and backhands her. Buffy falls to the ground. Spike looks surprised, puts his hand tentatively to his head with the beginning of a smile. Looks at Buffy, who is still getting to her feet and has her back to him. SPIKE: Ahh, ahh, ohh! (grabs his head) Buffy gets up, backhands Spike and he goes down. He gets up to a kneeling position with his back to Buffy and stays there, looking at the ground. She speaks to his back. BUFFY: You're a thing. An evil, disgusting, thing. She walks past him and away. Spike lifts his head to watch her go. Slowly an evil grin spreads across his face. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the street, downtown, night. People walking around, talking, etc. Spike walks out from an alley, looks around, grins. Pan across the street. Lots of people going about their business. SPIKE: (to himself) Look at all the goodies. He continues looking around, pauses as he spots something. Closer sh*t of a young blonde woman standing on the corner, looking at her watch, looking around, hugging herself as if she's cold. She turns and starts to walk away. Spike moves to follow her. Cut to an alley. The young woman walks along, still hugging herself, looking nervous. Suddenly Spike steps out in front of her. She screams. SPIKE: That's right, you should scream. She tries to get away but he moves to intercept her. She looks scared. SPIKE: Creature of the night here, yeah? (indicating himself) Some people forget that. He advances on the woman. She backs away, shaking her head fearfully, backs up against a wall. WOMAN: Please. SPIKE: She thinks I'm housebroken. She forgot who she's dealing with. WOMAN: Anything you want, please- SPIKE: Just 'cause she's confused about where she fits in, I'm supposed to be too? 'Cause I'm not. (pacing back and forth) I know what I am. I'm dangerous. I'm evil. WOMAN: (scared) I-I'm sure you're not evil. SPIKE: Yes, I am. I am a k*ller. (moves closer to her) That's what I do. I k*ll. And, yeah, maybe it's been a long time, but ... it's not like you forget how. He gets up very close to the woman, who is panting fearfully. SPIKE: You just ... do it. (nervously) And now I can, again, all right? So here goes. He morphs into vamp face. The woman screams. SPIKE: This might hurt a little. He bends over to bite her, then flings himself back, yelling in pain, crashes into a Dumpster. The woman runs off. Spike crouches there clutching the Dumpster, panting. SPIKE: What the hell is going on? Cut to an outdoor cafe, day. Dawn sits drinking from a very large chocolate milkshake as Tara watches. TARA: Good god, that's a lot of shake. (Dawn nods) I mean, I know, part of our ... big ... movie and milkshake fun day, but ... good god, that's a lot of shake. DAWN: (laughs) Helps to wash down the Raisinettes. TARA: Promise me that you will eat something green tonight. Leafy green, not ... gummi green. They both laugh. Dawn continues drinking her milkshake. TARA: The movie was fun. DAWN: Yeah. It was ironic when all those cute inner-city kids taught their coach a valuable lesson. TARA: You know that I will always be there for you, right? (Dawn looks at her, stops smiling) There, there was actually more of a lead-in when I practiced that at home. DAWN: I know. TARA: It's just ... I wanted you to know that ... my moving out had nothing to do with you, and I, I will never stop loving you. DAWN: I know. (b*at) Do you think you'll ever get back together? TARA: I wish I knew. DAWN: But you still love her. TARA: Very much. I just ... sometimes ... other things get in the way. DAWN: I know. (nervously) Uh, she's been doing a lot better lately, though. Uh, she's been really good about ... being careful ... a-about stuff. TARA: Well, good. Great, that's ... that's great. Cut to the magic shop. Willow, Xander, and Buffy sit around the round table. Anya stands by the bookshelves in background. WILLOW: Here. Says the guard's definitely gonna live. XANDER: (reading newspaper) He's all thawed out, says they used hair-dryers. Huh. sh*t of the newspaper with an article headline reading: Museum Guard att*cked, Frozen. Body Thawed, Remains Unconscious. WILLOW: Everything slowed down. His nervous system, circulatory system. He's still unconscious. Anya makes a whiny noise. BUFFY: Anya? ANYA: It's such a pain. The text I wanted, Giles took it with him. He has this thing that ... owning a book makes it like his property. BUFFY: What should we do, should we call him? It's like the middle of last night there. (frowns) Or maybe it's tomorrow. Anyone remember how that works? WILLOW: That's okay, no one freak. We'll just do it another way. (reaches for her bag) BUFFY: I-I don't think we need to resort to ... I mean... Willow pulls out her laptop computer and sets it on the table. BUFFY: Oh. Hey, cool. XANDER: All right, back to basics. A little old-fashioned state-of-the-art hacker action. BUFFY: That's great, Will, I haven't seen you do that in a long time. Willow puts her hands over the keyboard, not touching it. The keyboard glows with a pale yellow light. BUFFY: (to Xander) I-I don't remember that part. (Buffy and Xander staring at Willow) WILLOW: (staring blankly in front of her) It's quicker. It'll just take me a sec to go through the files. Okay. Internal police report. Buffy and Xander exchange a concerned look. WILLOW: A diamond was stolen from the museum last night. A big one. On loan from the British museum. They're withholding information to smoke out the criminals. Oh! It's pretty. (looks at Buffy, smiles) There's a picture. BUFFY: Well, is it a, a supernatural diamond? You know, like, healing powers, or, or good-lucky? ANYA: Maybe it's cursed. Diamonds are excellent for cursing. WILLOW: (again staring blankly) Well, we'll keep checking, shall we? XANDER: (awkwardly) Well, you know, I am kinda b*at, and I bet you that's tiring, that ... thing you're doing there... (fake yawn) Xander gives an exaggerated stretch as if to show he's tired. Willow takes her hands off the keyboard. Sound effect to indicate the end of her spell. She looks at them. WILLOW: Guys, I'm fine. What's the deal with- ANYA: Oh, for crying out loud. This is bizarre. You're all, 'la la la!' with, with the magic, and the not talking, like everything's normal, when we all know that Tara up and left you and now everyone's scared to say anything to you. (pauses, smiles) Except me. (looks at Xander) Is this that thing I do that you were commenting- (Xander nods) WILLOW: Guys ... it's okay. It's hard ... but i-it's better this way. Little things just ... starting taking over, things that didn't matter, but we saw them differently, so ... they got blown out of proportion. (sh*t of Buffy and Xander listening) And, this time away will help us sort through things. Really. Now, let's just keep working on this. I don't wanna leave Amy alone in the house so long. XANDER: Amy, is she ... how is she adjusting? WILLOW: It's hard to say. It's a lot to take in. I keep expecting her to do, like, ratty stuff, you know, licking her hands clean, shredding newspaper, leaving little pellets in the corner. BUFFY: Let's definitely not leave her alone in the house too long. Cut to: close sh*t of the diamond sitting on a piece of black velvet. JONATHAN: I didn't know it'd be so sparkly. ANDREW: It's so big. WARREN: Yes, gentlemen, it turns out, size is everything. (puts hand on Jonathan's leg) No offense, man. Jonathan smacks him. We see that they're in the basement lair, sitting and looking at the diamond on a card table. ANDREW: It makes colors with the light. The others stare at him for a moment. WARREN: All right, I think we've finished the first part, now it's time for Phase Two. They all get up. WARREN: Is the van fired up? JONATHAN: Check. They go to the bulkhead but it slams open before they reach it. Spike is there, glaring in at them. The Geeks stare in alarm, back away. Spike comes down into their lair with a menacing expression. The Geeks continue to back up. ANDREW: Hello, it's called knocking. Spike backs Warren up against a pole. SPIKE: Knock knock, robot boy. (knocks on Warren's head) Need you to look at my chip. JONATHAN: Is that like, British slang or something? 'Cause we're not- SPIKE: In my head, the chip in my head. WARREN: We're kind of in the middle of something. SPIKE: Well, you can play holodeck another time. Right now, I'm in charge. WARREN: Yeah, what are you gonna do if we don't especially feel like maybe playing your- Spike turns around, sees a display of action figures, reaches for it. WARREN: What are, wait, what are you doing? Spike picks up the Boba Fett action figure, removing it from its display stand. SPIKE: Examine my chip, or else Mister... (looks at the label on the stand) ...Fett here is the first to die. Spike holds the action figure in one hand and takes its head in the other hand as if he's going to pull the head off. The geeks are extremely nervous. JONATHAN: Hey, all right, let's not, let's not do anything crazy here. ANDREW: That's a limited edition, 1979 mint condition Boba Fett. Spike grins, pretends to pull the head off. WARREN: All right, dude ... chill. You can still make it right. You know you don't wanna do this. SPIKE: What I want ... is answers, nimrod. WARREN: Right. But you don't wanna hurt the Fett, 'cause man, you're *not* comin' back from that. You know, you don't just do that and walk away. SPIKE: That right? Let's find out. Spike fakes pulling the head off again. Warren yells in alarm. WARREN: Wah, uh, one second. Warren pulls the other geeks aside. ANDREW: Dudes, I think that's Spike. JONATHAN: Of course it is, and he's evil. Completely capable of removing that head. WARREN: I'm gonna help him out. JONATHAN: Are you sure we can trust him? I mean, we all have heads too. WARREN: See, we help him, and he owes us one. See, we get Spike on our side, we get info on Buffy. And maybe, maybe we can even find a way to keep her out of Phase Two. ANDREW: Jonathan's right, can we trust him? WARREN: 'Course not. But alliances aren't about trust. See, he needs us, we need him. (nods) Well, that's how these things work. In the background we see Spike pacing, playing with the action figure. WARREN: I think we're ready. Agreed? JONATHAN: Agreed. Andrew looks over at Spike. sh*t of Spike tossing the action figure in the air and catching it. ANDREW: (to Warren) Do what you need to do. Warren turns back to Spike. WARREN: I think we can work something out. I'll take a look at your chip. It'll be a deal. We scratch your back, you scratch- SPIKE: I'm not scratching your anything. You do what I tell you, that's the deal. Deal? WARREN: (sighs) Deal. SPIKE: Then let's go. Spike tosses the action figure to Andrew as Spike and Warren move off. Andrew catches it, and he and Jonathan look anxiously at it. ANDREW: Oh! It's okay, it's okay. It'll be fine. Cut to the Summers house. Willow enters, looks around, goes into the living room. WILLOW: Amy? Amy peeks out of the kitchen. AMY: Oh god, you're back. (hurries over) I thought you said you wouldn't be gone that long. WILLOW: I wasn't. I mean, I thought it was- AMY: Let's go somewhere. WILLOW: Don't you wanna go see your dad? AMY: (twitchy) No. Can't. Not yet. Too many questions. WILLOW: (nods) About where you were. AMY: No, about how I got there. (pauses) I wish there was a way that I could make him forget about the last three years. WILLOW: Oh, well hey, I can help you with that. Only, you might wanna sew your name into your clothes first or something. (puts her bag down) AMY: No ... (crosses arms over her chest) I just don't wanna deal with him right now. I think I would be... (pauses, looks at Willow) ...bored. WILLOW: (nods) Well. AMY: Come on, let's get outta here. WILLOW: (uncertain) Oh, well, what do you wanna do? AMY: I don't know. Something fun. Anything ... not involving a big wheel. (Willow smiles a little) Or ... maybe ... you'd rather sit home all night, alone, like in high school. WILLOW: No! (stands up) No, you know what? I can have fun. Heck, I, I deserve some fun. AMY: Yeah you do! WILLOW: I can party! Not like I owe anyone anything. I am totally free. (nods) So, let's make with the fun. They turn and walk off. Cut to the lair. Warren fiddles with an electronic device, then turns to Spike who is lying on his back on a table. Spike has his hands behind his head and numerous wires attached to his head. Warren moves the device over Spike's head. Pan across the table to reveal a book open to a page that shows a diagram of the human brain. There's also a disconnected robot arm. Cut to later. Andrew, Jonathan, and Spike sit in chairs side-by-side on a slightly raised platform. ANDREW: You're English, right? SPIKE: (frowns at him suspiciously) Yeah. ANDREW: I've seen every episode of Doctor Who. (Spike continues frowning) Not Red Dwarf, though, 'cause, um... JONATHAN: 'Cause it's not out yet on DVD. ANDREW: Right. It's not out on ... (weakly) DVD. Spike scowls at them. SPIKE: (yells) Warren! Warren appears from another room holding a pile of paper. WARREN: Here I am, here. SPIKE: Bloody hell. Get on with it then. Warren hands Spike the papers. Spike looks at them. SPIKE: Help me out here, Spock, I don't speak loser. (gives papers back) WARREN: Okay, right, um ... your chip works fine, yeah. SPIKE: (frowns) There's gotta be something wrong- WARREN: No, no, listen. I don't know what that thing does ... I'd like to... (leans closer) SPIKE: (leans back) Hey. WARREN: But whatever it is, it works fine. There's no deterioration of the signal, it still is coming through on a steady pulse. Which it's supposed to. Spike stands up, gets in Warren's face, towers over him on the platform, very menacing. SPIKE: If you're lying to me- WARREN: No! It's all right here. I, I mean, it is. It's really not that hard to figure out, if you just... (sees Spike frowning) What? Spike frowns, ponders deeply. Gives a small smile. Looks at Warren. SPIKE: You tell anyone about this... WARREN: No, I promise. Who would I tell, I don't even know what this is about! SPIKE: It's about the rules having changed. Spike steps down from the platform and heads for the door. SPIKE: Everything's different now. He gets to the stairs leading out, starts up them. SPIKE: (to himself) Nothing wrong with me. Something wrong with her. He smirks and exits. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the foyer of the Summers house. Dawn and Tara enter. DAWN: (calls) Hello! We're home! TARA: Looks like no one's here. DAWN: Well, I'm sure they'll be back soon. Um, I know Willow and Buffy were meeting up with Xander to do some research. Dawn takes Tara's arm and pulls her into the living room. TARA: Well then I, I should really get back. DAWN: Or, you can stay and wait for them. (sits on couch) Then you can get a chance to catch up with ... everyone. TARA: Yeah, I-I don't think that's such a great idea. DAWN: Okay. Your call. (picks up TV remote) I have the TV to keep me company until they get back. Dawn begins channel-surfing. Tara grimaces uncertainly. DAWN: (innocently) You notice how it's been getting dark so much earlier these days? Dawn sneaks a sly look at Tara, who looks nervously at the windows. DAWN: (giggles, indicates TV) Talking cat. Tara rolls her eyes, sighs, sits beside Dawn. TARA: Fine. I'll stay, but just until they get back. And only to make sure that you're not alone, this ... has nothing to do with ... anyone else. DAWN: Sure. Cool. Up to you. Dawn snuggles up to Tara, puts her head on Tara's shoulder. They both watch TV. Cut to the Bronze. The group Virgil is onstage, performing their song "Vermilion Borders." MALE SINGER: Low country wars Oh, there's a demon She's drinkin' and thinkin' Of runnin' away Close sh*t of Willow's face as she bends over. Sound of billiard balls clinking. Willow grimaces. WILLOW: I know. Xander engaged, I couldn't believe it either. (straightens up) AMY: It's just so weird. (bends over, sound of billiard balls) So what's she like? WILLOW: (shrugs) Thousand-year-old capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia. (walks around Amy) AMY: Well, that's so his type. Willow nods agreement, bends over. We see that neither she nor Amy is holding a pool cue. Willow uses magic to make her sh*t, knocking a ball into the corner pocket. She straightens up. Two guys walk over. GUY 1: Hey. WILLOW: (uninterested) Hey. AMY: (smiling) Hey. The first guy leans over and whispers in Amy's ear. Willow watches. AMY: Well, let's go then. (to Willow) We're gonna go dance. Do you wanna come? WILLOW: Oh, uh, no, you go. I'll keep an eye on our drinks. AMY: Okay. I mean, because, if you want something a little more your style... sh*t of the bar area. We see a very pretty dark-haired woman chatting with a blonde woman. Willow turns around and sees them. AMY: I'm sure we can swing that. Amy snaps her fingers, which makes a little green sparkle. The dark-haired woman looks over at Willow. Willow turns anxiously to Amy. WILLOW: No, really, no. The woman gets up, walks over. The one she was talking to looks annoyed. The guys look interested. BREE: (to Willow, seductively) Hi. Bree. WILLOW: Willow. Nice ... um ... top. Willow turns to Amy again. WILLOW: (nervous) No. Thanks, but no. AMY: You sure? WILLOW: (nods, looks at Bree, then back at Amy) I'm not, she, I'm still- AMY: It's cool. Amy snaps her fingers again. Bree looks confused. BREE: Oh, uh, sorry. Bree walks back to where she was. The other girl looks outraged. GUY 1: So, uh, are we gonna go? AMY: (to Willow) You sure you're gonna be okay? WILLOW: Yeah, go. I'm all kinds of good. Amy and the two guys go off to the dance floor, begin dancing together. Willow stands watching. MALE SINGER: I'm getting caught in the corners Of her vermilion borders She's moving backwards and forwards And she's ugly when she's insecure Cut to later. Willow sits by herself staring at a martini glass. She lifts out the plastic stirrer with an olive speared on it. Close sh*t of the olive with its pimento filling. WILLOW: No use looking at me like that. It's the gullet for you, mister. She eats the olive. Amy comes rushing over. AMY: Hey! Sorry, I kinda got caught up. (drinks from another martini) WILLOW: No, it's okay. Amy puts down her glass, ponders. AMY: You know ... if rats could dance ... they probably wouldn't gnaw so much. Willow smiles and nods. The two guys walk over again. GUY 1: Hey, come on. We're just getting started. AMY: (looks at Willow) I think I'm gonna sit this one out. GUY 2: Nuh-uh! You can't, you can't just work us up like that and then just- The guy grabs Amy's arm and pulls her away from the bar, but she pulls free. AMY: Hey! WILLOW: I think she said no. GUY 2: Well, nobody asked you ... Ellen. The two guys snicker. Amy and Willow exchange a look, then look at the guys again. AMY: You wanna dance? GUY 1: That's all. Nice, slow ... relaxing dance. Amy and Willow exchange another look, shrug, and both gesture at the guys. Magical special-effect sh**t from their hands to the two guys. Willow's special-effect is dark orange, Amy's green. Suddenly the two guys disappear and reappear in dance-cages above the dance floor. They each wear just a skimpy loincloth. They both begin to dance although their faces look shocked and appalled. Willow and Amy watch with small smiles. WILLOW: Gee. AMY: I think I do feel more relaxed. Cut to the magic shop. Buffy, Xander, and Anya sit around the table looking at books. XANDER: Aha! I got it! Uh, here's our villain right here! Anya and Buffy look, then both shake their heads. Buffy returns to her book. XANDER: What? ANYA: That's a D&D manual, sweetie. XANDER: No, but it could- (looks at the book cover, laughs weakly) Oh. ANYA: Let's face it, we're not gonna find this thing because it doesn't exist. There's no such thing as a frost monster who eats diamonds. BUFFY: Well, maybe he doesn't eat them. You know, maybe he just ... thinks they're pretty. She nods hopefully for a moment, then stops, makes a face, slams her book shut. BUFFY: We suck. XANDER: We need new brains. What's up with Willow? BUFFY: Out with Amy, I guess. ANYA: Great, someone to do more magic with. BUFFY: But at least she's not all cooped up and crying. That's forward momentum. Now, I know that I don't ... know everything that happened with her and Tara, but it- XANDER: Tara thinks Willow is doing too much magic. And she's not the only one. BUFFY: I know. But I-I think she'll be fine. You know, it's, it's Willow. She of the level head. ANYA: Well, those are the ones you have to watch out for the most. Responsible types. BUFFY: Right, she might go crazy and start alphabetizing everything. ANYA: I'm serious. Responsible people are ... always so concerned with ... being good all the time, that when they finally get a taste of being bad ... they can't get enough. It's like all (gestures) kablooey. BUFFY: That's not true. ANYA: Okay, not kablooey, more like bam. XANDER: It's human nature, Buff. Will's getting a taste of something powerful, way bigger than her. ANYA: Yeah, she was getting out of control with it before Tara left, and now that she's gone... XANDER: It's gotta be seductive. Buffy looks up in alarm at the word 'seductive.' Her eyes widen. XANDER: (OS) Just giving in to it. Going totally wild. Buffy stares at him. XANDER: We need to keep an eye on her. BUFFY: Okay. Okay, we'll, we'll keep an eye. But we can't assume that everybody's getting seduced, you know, sometimes- The phone rings. Buffy gets up to answer it. We see that she's wearing a gauzy white blouse with a long black leather skirt. She goes to the phone at the back of the room. BUFFY: Hello, Magic Box. Cut to Spike standing at a pay phone. SPIKE: (deep gruff voice) Slayer. BUFFY: (frowns) Spike? SPIKE: (deep voice) Meet me at the cemetery. Twenty minutes. Come alone. BUFFY: (still frowning) Spike? SPIKE: (rolls eyes, mutters) Bloody hell. (normal voice) Yes, it's me. BUFFY: You're ... calling me on the phone? SPIKE: Just be there. BUFFY: Why? Are you ... helping again? (sh*t of Xander and Anya listening. Buffy speaks louder) You have a lead on this frost monster thingie? SPIKE: (smirking) Something like that, yeah. Thought you might be up for a little grunt work. BUFFY: (shocked) What?! No, (whispers) no-no grunting! SPIKE: (grins) I was talking shop, luv, but if you got other ideas ... you, me, cozy little tomb with a view... Buffy makes a face, hangs up. Spike continues grinning evilly, hangs up as well. Buffy walks back over to the table. XANDER: So, what did Captain Peroxide want? BUFFY: Nothing! (nervous) You know, he just, you know, wanted to see if I-I wanted to patrol, for, for the, the monster. (sits) But I, I told him that I ... would ... not. Cut to the street, later. Buffy, Anya, and Xander emerge from the shop. Buffy now wears a denim jacket over her blouse and skirt. Anya locks the store. They walk down the sidewalk. BUFFY: I'm telling you, I, I think there's something about this thing. XANDER: Well, I don't know, Buff. It seems like we've been through every book. ANYA: Yeah, even the ones that weren't so boring you wanted to k*ll yourself. XANDER: We have those? (they stop walking) BUFFY: I'm just saying, all the things that have happened lately? Okay, the, the bank robbery, the jewelry heist... XANDER: The exploding lint. BUFFY: I-is it me, or do these things seem really- ANYA: Lame? BUFFY: (shrugs) Well, I was gonna go with unusual, but, yeah. They all stand there shrugging at each other. BUFFY: I don't know. You know, I'll do a quick patrol tonight, and after a good night's sleep, we can solve this tomorrow. ANYA: Optimism. I remember optimism. XANDER: That's because you're like a thousand. BUFFY: Good night, guys. ANYA/XANDER: Good night. Anya and Xander go off in one direction, Buffy in the other. Cut to Buffy walking down a dark alley. Spike steps out in front of her. SPIKE: (angrily) Slayer. BUFFY: And so my night is now complete. SPIKE: You never showed. BUFFY: (walks past him) Sorry. Little busy actually doing stuff. SPIKE: (walks beside her) You shouldn't be so flip, luv. BUFFY: What are you gonna do, walk behind me to death? SPIKE: I'm just saying things might be a little different. Spike walks around in front of her again. They stop walking. SPIKE: You oughta be careful. BUFFY: (shakes head) Enough. She moves to walk around him, but he shifts to block her path. BUFFY: (small puzzled smile) Get out of my way. SPIKE: Or what? Buffy shrugs, punches him in the face. Spike reels a little, catches himself, pauses. Then he hits her in the face, spinning her around. Buffy straightens up, turns back to him. SPIKE: (mockingly) Oh, the pain! The pain! (grimly) Is gone. Buffy stares. SPIKE: Guess what I just found out. Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart. BUFFY: (alarmed) How? SPIKE: Don't you get it? Don't you see? (sneering) You came back wrong. Buffy stares in disbelief. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. Buffy stalks forward angrily, punches Spike in the face. He staggers back but laughs. Buffy hits him again, kicks him, driving him farther down the alley. She goes to punch him but he grabs her arm and punches her with his other hand. Buffy stumbles into a fence, turns around. Spike gets up in her face. BUFFY: It's a trick. You did something to the chip, it's a trick. SPIKE: It's no trick. It's not me, it's you. Just you, in fact, that's the funny part. (punches her in the face) 'Cause you're the one that's changed. (punches again) That's why this doesn't hurt me. He swings but Buffy blocks and shoves him back. SPIKE: (grins) Came back a little less human than you were. BUFFY: (shakes head) You're wrong. She kicks him hard. He flies back into the opposite wall, but immediately bounces back and comes back over to her. SPIKE: Then how come you're so spooked, luv? And why can I - (punches her) do that? Buffy slowly looks back over at him, panting. BUFFY: You're wrong. She hits him again, even harder. He falls down, gets up, grinning. Buffy hits him again and he goes down again, gets up again. She pushes him backward into a doorway, follows him up the stairs, grabs him. They crash through the door into the building. Cut to the Bronze. The two guys are still almost-naked and dancing against their will in the cages. MALE SINGER: What is wrong here? What is wrong here? What is wrong with you? We see Amy and Willow on the upper level, leaning on the railing looking down, smiling. MALE SINGER: What is wrong here? What is wrong here? Where is your head? WILLOW: You know, this music isn't quite... Willow gestures. The male singer of Virgil morphs into the female singer of Halo Friendlies. The other members of Virgil morph into members of Halo Friendlies too in background. FEMALE SINGER: I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be alone BACKUP SINGERS: No no no! FEMALE SINGER: I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go it alone Amy and Willow grin happily, look at the dancing boys. FEMALE SINGER: Every time I see you I can't find the words to say Amy looks down at the lower level, makes a gesture. A white-clad demon(?) appears, floating over the dancers' heads. FEMALE SINGER: I just wanna turn and run away Willow makes a gesture at two guys standing side-by-side. One guy begins to shrink while the other grows very large, both looking around and yelling in confusion. Amy makes a gesture and turns a bunch of dancers into sheep. Willow and Amy grin at each other. Pan across the room with various bolts of magic swirling around, people floating in the air, etc. Willow makes another gesture, grinning widely. Cut to the abandoned building. Spike punches Buffy in the face, hard. She punches him twice, then shoves him back. He stumbles back against the refrigerator -- we're in the kitchen of an abandoned house. Buffy kicks Spike and he flies back into the living room. It's mostly gutted with just one chair, a pile of bricks in the corner, etc. Buffy strides into the room after Spike, stands watching as he gets up. SPIKE: (grinning) Oh, poor little lost girl. He jumps up, grabs the chandelier. Swings forward on it and kicks Buffy in the face with both his feet. She goes down. SPIKE: (drops to the floor) She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love. He walks over to Buffy, who gets up, grabs him, throws him against the staircase leading upstairs, smashing the banister to bits. Buffy walks toward him. BUFFY: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot! (Spike getting up) Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in? Spike swings at her but she ducks, punches him in the stomach, grabs him and throws him across the room again. He smashes into the fireplace. Buffy walks toward him again. BUFFY: Your job is to k*ll the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes. SPIKE: I'm in love with you. BUFFY: (still advancing) You're in love with pain. Admit it. (Spike gets up) You like me ... because you enjoy getting b*at down. So really, who's screwed up? SPIKE: Hello! Vampire! He swings at her again, but she blocks and punches him. Spike grabs her, pulls her closer. SPIKE: I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. He throws her against the wall. A big hole in the plaster where she h*t. Spike goes over to her, throws her across the room again. She lands on her back. Spike stands over her, leans down, grabs her by the front lapels of her jacket. SPIKE: What's your excuse? Buffy puts her hand over his face, shoves him away. He flies backward, taking a chunk out of a wall. He staggers to his feet. Buffy leaps at him and they fly back toward the staircase. Cut to the Bronze. Willow and Amy still stand looking down. The music continues. Various people are floating around, bolts of magic randomly turning them into various costumes and such. FEMALE SINGER: I can't find the time and place to say what I need to say... WILLOW: So, we've kinda played this scene. AMY: Yeah. WILLOW: (gestures) Return. The band turns back into Virgil. Everything else returns to normal too. MALE SINGER: What is wrong with you? The two dancing guys reappear, fully clothed, by the pool tables. They stare at each other, then see some cute girls go by, and walk off in pursuit. WILLOW: I, I just keep thinking ... there's gotta be someplace, like, bigger than this. Overhead sh*t of the room, now back to normal with people dancing and such. AMY: Besides, it's way too early to go home yet. Willow smiles. Cut back to the abandoned house. Spike has Buffy pinned against the stairs. He chuckles. Buffy punches him. He punches her back, lifts her up to look in her face. SPIKE: I wasn't planning on hurting you. (smirks) Much. BUFFY: You haven't even come close to hurting me. SPIKE: Afraid to give me the chance? Buffy breaks his hold, throws him against a wall. Another big hole in the wall where he hits. sh*t of cracks appearing in the wall. Buffy grabs Spike and pushes him up against the wall. SPIKE: You afraid I'm gonna- Buffy shuts him up by kissing him. They kiss passionately. Buffy slams her hand into the wall, creating another hole, to get her arm around Spike's neck. sh*t of pieces of the ceiling separating from each other. Buffy and Spike move away from the wall, still kissing. Spike slams Buffy up against another section of wall. Above their heads, cracks appear and widen, moving up toward the ceiling. More kissing. Buffy shoves Spike away, follows him as he stumbles backward across the room. She pushes him again and continues following. Behind her, a huge piece of ceiling falls onto the spot where they were just standing. Buffy shoves Spike up against another wall, resumes kissing him. He lifts her up against him with her legs around his waist. Buffy reaches her hand down between their bodies. Sound of a zipper. More kissing. Buffy lifts herself up and thrusts her body against Spike's. Spike looks shocked. They stare at each other for a moment. Then Buffy begins to move up and down, slowly, making an expression of pleasure. [note: if you don't know what's going on here, you're probably too young to be reading this!] They resume kissing. Spike turns them around and pushes Buffy up against the wall. She reaches one arm up and grabs the wall behind her to steady herself. Long sh*t of the two of them. The chandelier falls from the ceiling, smashes on the floor. Pieces of the house continue to fall down, floorboards breaking apart. Buffy and Spike continue kissing and, you know, moving against each other. More stuff falls from the ceiling, walls disintegrating, etc. Buffy leans her head back against the wall, gasping and panting. Spike rests his head on her chest. Buffy leans forward to wrap her arms around Spike and they fall backward. The entire floor gives way and they fall through to the basement level, landing there in a huge cloud of debris and dust and bricks, etc. Spike lands on his back with Buffy on top of him. They stare into each other's eyes, both panting. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x09 - Smashed"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously: Buffy punching Spike. Spike punching Buffy. SPIKE: Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart. BUFFY: How? SPIKE: You came back wrong. Tara and Willow at the Bronze. TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just ... sit back and keep my mouth shut? WILLOW: Well, that'd be a good start. Willow doing the forget spell. WILLOW: Forget. Tara and Willow arguing. TARA: I know you used that spell on me. What is wrong with you? TARA: I don't think this is gonna work. Willow crying. Tara packing her stuff. WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Willow turning the rat back into Amy. BUFFY: Amy? How've you been? AMY: Rat. You? BUFFY: d*ad. AMY: Oh. WILLOW: It's nice, having another magically-inclined friend around. Willow and Amy causing havoc at the Bronze. WILLOW: There's gotta be someplace, like, bigger than this. AMY: It's way too early to go home yet. Willow smiling. Warren stealing the diamond from the museum. JONATHAN: It's beautiful. WARREN: Boys, congratulations, Phase One of the plan is now complete. Spike and Buffy in the abandoned house. SPIKE: I'm in love with you. BUFFY: You're in love with pain. Buffy throwing Spike against the wall. SPIKE: Afraid I'm gonna- Buffy kissing Spike. The building falling apart while Spike and Buffy do their thing up against the wall. Spike and Buffy falling through the floor. Episode opens on a television, with cartoons playing. Pan across to reveal Dawn and Tara asleep on the sofa in the Summers living room. Tara is sitting up while Dawn is lying with her head in Tara's lap. It's daylight. A loud noise from the TV wakes Tara up. She looks around in surprise. Dawn wakes as well. DAWN: (yawning) What time is it? TARA: (looks at her watch) Almost seven. God, I just closed my eyes for a minute. DAWN: (squinting at the TV) Hm. And now there's cartoons. (frowns sleepily) Plus, a mother of all night-wedgies. TARA: (looks around) Uh-oh. DAWN: It's not tragic. I'm sure as soon as I stand up- TARA: No, Dawn ... why didn't anybody wake us up? Where is everyone? Cut to upstairs. Dawn opens the door to Buffy's room, revealing the neatly made bed that has clearly not been slept in. Dawn and Tara look in, look confused. Dawn walks down the hall with Tara following. Dawn opens the door to Willow's bedroom. The bed is also neatly made and not slept in. DAWN: Willow didn't come home either. They were out all night. Dawn fidgets nervously, turns to Tara. DAWN: Where are they? TARA: (walks closer) I'm sure they're fine, Dawnie. I'm sure they just ... lost track of time. Dawn looks uncertain. Cut to the abandoned house. Rubble, bits of broken wood and plaster and cardboard everywhere. Pan across to reveal a bare foot. Suddenly Buffy sits up with a gasp, naked and holding her black leather skirt over her chest. She looks around fearfully, panting, frowning. Behind her Spike begins to stir. Buffy senses he's awake and jumps to her feet, wrapping the skirt around her body. She stands a few feet away while Spike continues to lie there naked looking up at her. We see that they both have bruises and hickeys on their faces. Spike has fingernail marks on his chest, as well as another hickey. BUFFY: (frowning) When ... (looks down at Spike) When did the building fall down? SPIKE: (looks around, frowns) I don't know. (Buffy looking alarmed) Must have been sometime between the first time and the, uh... He smirks. Buffy looks disgusted. BUFFY: Oh. (wincing, whining) Oh my god. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest starring Elizabeth Anne Allen, Jeff Kober, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Marti Noxon, directed by David Solomon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the abandoned building. Buffy is now wearing her white blouse and black leather skirt, and is putting on a shoe. BUFFY: Shoe, need my shoe. (looking around) SPIKE: What's the hurry, luv? We see Spike still lying there naked with one hand behind his head looking very pleased with himself. BUFFY: The hurry is I left Dawn all night. And don't call me love. (continues looking for shoe) SPIKE: You didn't seem to take issue with that last night. (smirking) Or with any of the other little nasties we whispered. BUFFY: (stands up) Can we not? Talk? (putting on her second shoe) SPIKE: (sighs) I just don't see why you have to run off so quick. Thought we could- (waggling eyebrows) BUFFY: Not gonna happen. Last night was the end of this freak show. Buffy goes to walk past Spike but he reaches up and grabs her arm. She gives a little yelp of surprise. Spike pulls her down onto his lap. She struggles a bit. SPIKE: Don't say that. BUFFY: What did you think was gonna happen? What, we're gonna read the newspaper together, play footsie under the rubble? Spike shifts her so that he's holding her with one arm. He puts his other hand up under Buffy's skirt. She makes an expression of pleasure. SPIKE: (softly) Not exactly what I had in mind. Buffy pushes his hand away, struggles against him. BUFFY: Stop! SPIKE: (grinning) Make me. BUFFY: No! No! She continues struggling for about another half second and then grabs his face and kisses him. She puts her arms around his neck and moans. They kiss for a moment. BUFFY: (pulling back) No, no, I-I have to- SPIKE: Stay. I'm stuck here. (looks upward) Sun's up. Buffy looks at Spike for a moment, resumes kissing him. More moaning. Spike turns her around and lays her down on a conveniently placed pillow, lies on top of her. He moves down to kiss her neck. Buffy moans again. Spike lifts himself up to look at her. SPIKE: I knew. I knew the only thing better than k*lling a slayer would be f- BUFFY: What?! Buffy shoves him away and gets up angrily, moves a few feet away. Spike remains sprawled on the floor. BUFFY: Is that what this is about? Doing a slayer? SPIKE: (smirking) Well, I wouldn't throw stones, pet. You seem to be quite the groupie yourself. BUFFY: Shut up. (wiping her mouth with the back of her hand) SPIKE: I'm just sayin' ... vampires get you hot. BUFFY: *A* vampire got me hot. One. But he's gone. You're just... b*at. Spike waits to see what she'll say. BUFFY: You're just convenient. Spike looks hurt. He stares at her. Buffy's lip trembles like she might cry. Spike stands and begins putting on his pants. SPIKE: (angrily) So, what now? You go back to treating me like dirt till the next time you get an itch you can't scratch? (Buffy just looks at him) Well, forget it. (fastening his belt) Last night changed things. I'm done being your whipping boy. BUFFY: Nothing's changed. It was a mistake. SPIKE: Bollocks! It was a bloody revelation. Buffy still looks like she might cry. SPIKE: (walks closer to her) You can act as high and mighty as you like ... but I know where you live now, Slayer. (softly) I've tasted it. He leans in as if to kiss her but she pulls back. BUFFY: Get a grip. Like you're god's gift. SPIKE: (chuckling) Hardly. (stops smiling) Wouldn't be nearly as interesting, would it? He leans in to kiss her again. Buffy pushes him away and starts to walk off, but he moves to intercept her. BUFFY: No! Let me go! Spike stops her, puts his arms on her shoulders and holds her still. Buffy glares at him. SPIKE: I may be dirt ... but you're the one who likes to roll in it, Slayer. You never had it so good as me. Never. Buffy pushes his arms off. BUFFY: Uhh, you're bent. (moves past him to put on her jacket) SPIKE: Yeah, and it made you scream, didn't it? BUFFY: (very angrily) I swear to god, if you tell *anyone* about last night, I will k*ll you. SPIKE: (skeptically) Right. Spike reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls something out. SPIKE: You're gonna want these, too. He holds up a pair of lacy white panties. Buffy scowls and punches him in the face. He staggers backward and goes down out of sh*t. Cut to the Summers kitchen. Tara is ladling pancake batter onto a pan on the stove. TARA: Pancakes? Dawn enters, walks toward the fridge. DAWN: Uh, sure. (goes to the fridge, takes out a carton of orange juice) Um, should we call Xander? What if they're all in a ditch somewhere? (closes fridge) Ditches are bad. Mom always used to talk about the ditches. Dawn takes a glass and pours orange juice. Tara takes the pancake batter bowl to the sink and adds some water. TARA: Nobody's in a ditch. We'll call, but ... we'll give them some time before we wake them up. Tara turns back to the stove. TARA: Funny shapes, or...? (sighs) Sound of the back door opening. Both Tara and Dawn turn. Willow and Amy enter, chattering. WILLOW: It'll wear off in a day or- Willow stops as she spots Tara. They look at each other. WILLOW: (nervous) Hey. TARA: (nervous) Hey. I just ... B-Buffy didn't come home last night ... either, so... WILLOW: Uh, hey, uh ... this is Amy. Amy, Tara, Tara, Amy. AMY: (smiles) How you doin'? TARA: Fine, I ... I'd b-better g-get going. (turns to go) WILLOW: (to Tara) Amy! Amy the rat? (to Amy) Sorry. AMY: No, that's fair. I was a rat. TARA: (confused) When... AMY: Last night. It's nuts, everything's different. I mean ... (grins at Willow) the Bronze, for one thing. (to Tara) And Willow! She's a freaking amazing witch now. (Tara looking upset) I couldn't even keep up with her last night. WILLOW: Amy. AMY: No, it's true! (to Tara) I mean, I can do some transmography, but she is messing with dimensions and everything, it was awesome! This blowhard dude, first she made his mouth disappear? Thank god. And then- Tara continues looking angrily at Willow. AMY: I'm talking too much. Sorry. It's just been ... you know ... me and a bag of pellets for the last few years, so... TARA: No, it's, it's fine. It's just, um, I, I re-really need to go. (turns to leave) WILLOW: Tara, uh, you left some stuff upstairs, it's in- TARA: (walking away) I'll get them later. WILLOW: Tara! Tara walks down the hall toward the foyer. On the way, she passes Buffy who has just come in the front door. Buffy gives Tara a confused look and continues into the kitchen. Buffy walks with a slight limp. She still has visible bruises and/or hickeys on her face. DAWN: Buffy! Uh, where were you, are you okay? BUFFY: I'm fine. DAWN: You're not, you're all sore and limpy. BUFFY: I, I'm not ... sore, I just... (sits down with a grimace of pain) ... I had a fight, you know, the ... all-nighter kind. DAWN: Figured. I knew that's why you didn't call. So, what's the big bad? Uh, should we be worried? Buffy looks around at Amy sitting beside her and Willow standing by the fridge. BUFFY: No. I mean, I, I think you guys are, are safe. (to Willow) Tara was here? WILLOW: I guess she stayed over with Dawn. BUFFY: You guess? Where were you? WILLOW: (indicates Amy) We went out, kinda lost track of time. BUFFY: Oh. Both Buffy and Willow look guilty. WILLOW: I never would have if I knew you weren't coming home. BUFFY: No, o-of course, I mean, you know, it wasn't ... intentional. (Dawn listening) And, you know, everyone's safe. (to Dawn) You are, right? You're okay? DAWN: Oh, yeah. I mean, um, I think my pancakes are burning, but... Willow looks over at the stove, walks slowly over and turns it off. sh*t of the pan with a very burnt pancake on it. DAWN: (OS) Tara was making... WILLOW: (staring at the pancake) I've, uh ... I've gotta get some sleep. BUFFY: Me too. (gets up painfully) AMY: Yeah. (gets up) I should go home. Dad's expecting me. WILLOW: Okay. I'll call you later. AMY: (going to the door) Yeah, good. Amy leaves. Buffy looks at Dawn. BUFFY: You sure you're all right? I'm sorry about everything. DAWN: It's okay. You should rest. You're b*at from monster-wrestling all night. BUFFY: (quietly) Yeah. Right. (very quietly) Thanks. Buffy goes toward the front. WILLOW: Yeah, I'm gonna crash too. Night Dawnie. Willow follows Buffy. Dawn remains standing in the kitchen. DAWN: No problem. I'll just ... (to herself) go find some awake people. Cut to upstairs. Willow walks into her room, closes the door, lies down on the bed fully dressed. She closes her eyes for a moment, opens them again. sh*t of the window with lots of light streaming in through the open curtains. WILLOW: Claudete. She gestures at the window. Nothing happens. She lifts her head and looks at the window. WILLOW: (louder) Claudete! (gestures) Still nothing. Willow frowns, gets up tiredly, walks over and closes the curtains with her hands. Goes back to the bed still frowning, lies down and closes her eyes. Cut to the magic shop. Anya and Xander sit at the round table looking at books. XANDER: All these demons are starting to look alike. You got reptiles ... reptiles with horns ... reptiles with gills. sh*t of Buffy standing by the counter looking at books, glancing over at Xander. XANDER: And I'm still finding nothing of the 'steal a diamond, freeze a guy' variety. sh*t of Anya looking very interested in her book. XANDER: Ahn, would you hand me that one next to you? Anya doesn't respond. XANDER: Great, we're not even married yet and already you've stopped listening to me. He reaches across her to get a book. As he picks it up, something falls out of it and onto the table. Close sh*t of it. It's a magazine called "Bride & Joy." Xander looks at it, puts his hand on the book Anya's reading and tips it down. Reveal that she's actually reading a bridal magazine hidden in the demon book. XANDER: Anya! ANYA: I'm sorry, but this is pointless! (Buffy coming over) We've been researching forever, and we're not even close to finding out who robbed that museum. BUFFY: What's up? XANDER: Anya has a theory. She thinks that Martha Stewart froze that guy. ANYA: Don't be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn't a demon. (to Buffy) She's a witch. XANDER: Please, she- (pauses) Really? ANYA: Of course. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness. BUFFY: Guys, while this is fascinating, we still have work to do. ANYA: I know I do! (looking at bridal magazine) I can't decide whether to put my bridesmaids in cocktail dresses ... (Buffy and Xander rolling their eyes) ...or the traditional burlap with blood larva. XANDER: The traditional what? ANYA: Well, I was a demon for a thousand years, you don't expect me to turn my back on all the ways of my people. BUFFY: Uh, can I weigh in on this whole me wearing larva- ANYA/XANDER: No. Buffy sighs in irritation, sits. ANYA: (to Xander) At least I'm not asking you to perform the groom's rite of self-flagellation. Xander is about to reply but Buffy interrupts. BUFFY: Uh, guys! There's something out there? (Anya and Xander looking embarrassed) XANDER: There is. And as much as I hate to admit that my ... bizarre bride-to-be has a point ... we're gettin' nowhere here, Buff. Maybe it's time to try something new. You know? h*t the streets, get Spike on it. BUFFY: No! No, no Spike. And no h*t the streets, we, we, we stay put, you know? Away from distractions. We'll figure this out. ANYA: What about Willow, can't she do something? BUFFY: Maybe. But she's home sleeping. XANDER: Sleeping? She sick? BUFFY: No, she was out late. With Amy. (Xander looks annoyed) ANYA: And I'm bizarre. At least I didn't dump you to hang out with an ex-rat. BUFFY: No, it's not like that, you know, she's just ... helping Amy through a transition. XANDER: And making herself a playmate to do magic with. Someone who won't monitor her like Tara. BUFFY: No, Willow's a grownup. You know, maybe she doesn't need to be monitored. Xander stares at her. BUFFY: You know, she's going through something, but we're not her. I mean ... m-maybe she has reasons for acting this way. (Anya staring at her) And, so what if she crossed a line? You know, we all do stuff. Stupid stuff. But, then we learn. And, and we learn, and, and we don't do it again. Okay, so, you know, who are we to get all judgey? XANDER: Not judgey, Buff. Just, observey. ANYA: Yeah, all we're saying is, she's acting different. You know, she's not herself. Anya and Xander return to looking at books. Buffy stares at them, looks contemplative. Cut to the street. Amy and Willow walk along, past the coffee shop. It's night. Various people walking around, sitting and drinking coffee, etc. AMY: So what do you wanna do? It's gonna be hard to top last night. WILLOW: Yeah, I don't know if I can. I felt awful today, and I couldn't do magic. Took me all day to get my powers back. I think we should just take it easy. AMY: (steps in front of her and stops) I have a better idea. WILLOW: What? AMY: I know this guy ... and he knows spells that last for days. And the burnout factor is like, nothing. WILLOW: Really? He's a warlock? AMY: I guess. Look, I am not kidding you. This guy ... will blow your mind. He will take you to places that you can't even imagine. Willow looks uncertain. She turns and resumes walking. Amy falls into step beside her. WILLOW: Is it dangerous? AMY: Would that stop you? They walk on, out of sh*t. Cut to an alley. Amy and Willow walk out from between two buildings and turn toward an open space. They walk forward slowly. AMY: This is it. WILLOW: Where? I thought you said the guy lived around here. AMY: He does. (stops walking) You can't feel it? We see a long stretch of alley in front of them, apparently empty. WILLOW: What do you- Amy takes Willow's hand and holds it up to the air, moves it horizontally. AMY: Here. WILLOW: It's hot. Amy grins excitedly, turns toward Willow and walks backward into the open space. AMY: Come on. The air ripples around her as she walks backward, and then she disappears. Willow stares, puts out her hand and walks forward. Her hand and arm, and then her whole body, ripple and disappear. Cut to inside a building. Amy stands there smiling. She turns to look at the closed door. Willow appears, coming through the door (the still closed door) still with her hand in front of her. The door ripples as she walks through it. She looks around wide-eyed. Pan across the room. It's fairly run-down with some old chairs and sofas, old lamps, etc. We see a bunch of young people sitting on the sofas looking strung out. AMY: It's cool, isn't it? The place is cloaked. WILLOW: Yeah. AMY: Moves around a lot too. Keeps Rack out of trouble. WILLOW: Rack, who's- They both turn as another door opens and a man comes out. He gives them a look and walks forward. GIRL: (anxious) Rack, Rack, it's my turn. GUY: No, man, you said I was up. GIRL: Bull, I've been here for hours! Rack ignores them, walks toward Amy and Willow. He has long stringy hair, an amulet around his neck, a scar on his face, and his eyes point in different directions. RACK: I believe these two are next. Amy and Willow exchange a look. Amy looks pleased, Willow nervous. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the inner room of Rack's place. Willow, Amy, and Rack enter. Willow still looks nervous. Amy is removing her jacket. She wears a sleeveless top. AMY: Thanks, Rack, for taking us. (puts her jacket down) I know it's been a while. You'll never believe- RACK: You were a rat. AMY: How did you know? RACK: (chuckling) I hope that taught you not to mess with spells you can't handle. You should leave that in the hands of a professional. He rubs his hands together. Little sparks of magic fly off them. Willow watches with interest. Rack continues to rub his hands together with magic effects. He stares at Willow. RACK: Oh. This one's givin' off vibes. (walks closer) WILLOW: (nervous) I don't mean to ... vibe at you, I, if it's in a negative way. RACK: (walks around behind her) No, no, I-I mean you ... have power, girl, it's just (waving his hands around her body) coming off you in waves. WILLOW: (embarrassed) Not so much. Rack walks around in front of her, stares at her. It's creepy. WILLOW: I mean, I-I can do stuff, but, I get tapped out quick, and I've used practically every spell I know. RACK: And what do you want me to do about that? WILLOW: (uncertain) I-I don't know, I, I thought- (looks back at Amy) Amy said- RACK: Amy said. Amy said I could help you. But did Amy say how you could help me? WILLOW: No, I-I have some money, a-a bit- RACK: (shakes head) Not money. WILLOW: (nervous) Well, I could help you with your computer, I'm really handy- Rack walks forward, holding out his hand toward her chest. RACK: Just relax, I'm not gonna hurt you. You gotta give a little to get a little, right? Willow looks very nervous, looks at Amy. AMY: (whispers) It's okay. It's over fast. Willow nods hesitantly, turns back to Rack. RACK: That's right. I'm just gonna take a little tour. He puts his hand over Willow's chest, not actually touching her. Suddenly a bolt of magic goes from his hand into her body. Willow gasps and closes her eyes. Rack closes his eyes too. Magic sparks and red light continue swirling around his hand and Willow's body. Both panting. Amy watches intently. After a moment the magic breaks off and Rack takes his hand back, opens his eyes, looks at Willow, grins a little. He leans forward, puts his fingers on Willow's chin and puts his face next to her, whispers in her ear. RACK: You taste ... like strawberries. He pulls back. Willow still has her eyes closed with an expression of ecstasy. Cut to later. Amy stands in the middle of the room spinning around and around with her arms held out at her sides. Dreamy music. sh*t of Rack reclining on a sofa nearby, holding in his hands what looks like a glass ball with a reflection of Amy spinning around inside it. Amy continues to spin faster and faster until she's a blur. Rack looks upward. Pan slowly up to reveal Willow on the ceiling. She lies there with her shirt almost completely unbuttoned, her hair spread out across the ceiling. She writhes slowly, a small smile on her face. Willow opens her eyes, looks down. sh*t of the room from her perspective with sofas around the perimeter and a round table in the middle of the room surrounded by cushions. Bright green grass begins to sprout, covering the entire floor and all the furniture. Willow closes her eyes again, rolls over onto her stomach on the ceiling. Blurry motion suggesting the passing of time. She rolls back over onto her back. The grass and bright green trees and bushes continue to grow on the floor. Willow continues to writhe in ecstasy on the ceiling. We see a figure of a person moving in the foliage but can't make it out. Willow opens her eyes and looks. We see what looks like the bare legs of a person being dragged under a bush. Willow frowns a little. Then a red-skinned demon comes out from under the bush and snarls up at Willow. Willow gives a short scream and falls from the ceiling. She lands on her stomach on the floor. All the grass and greenery is gone -- it was a hallucination. Willow just lies there on the floor. Zoom in on her face. Her eyes are closed. Suddenly she blurs into motion. She's standing up, in a room full of people (the Bronze?). Her eyes are completely black. Another blur of motion and suddenly she's standing on the street in front of the Magic Box, the store all lit up behind her. Zoom in on Willow. She pants and looks around, her eyes still black. Another blur and she's back on the floor. She slowly opens her eyes, which are now normal. She frowns, gets up to a kneeling position. We see that she's in her bedroom. She kneels there panting and looking around with a frown. Cut to the bathroom. The shower is running. A pair of hands press against the wall underneath the showerhead. Pan over to reveal Willow standing with her face under the water, crying. Cut to the bedroom. Willow walks out of the bathroom, wearing a red robe. She walks slowly into the room. We see a box of clothing with the word "TARA" on it. Willow slowly takes a sweater and skirt from the box, takes the clothing over to the bed and lays it out, sits on the bed beside it. She waves her hand over the clothing. Slowly the fabric begins to billow up and fill out. The clothing animates and sits up. There's no head or hands, just the clothing filled with air. Willow leans over and lays her head against the sweater's chest. The sleeves wrap around her like arms hugging. Cut to: overhead sh*t of Sunnydale. The sun is setting. Cut to: external sh*t of the Summers house. Cut to the kitchen. Dawn stands at the stove with a pan. She uses her fingers to flip over a flat piece of bread on the pan. DAWN: Ow. Willow walks in. DAWN: Ow, ow! Ow. (sucks on her fingers) WILLOW: Or you could do it the hard way. DAWN: Spatulas are for wimps. I'm making peanut-butter-and-banana quesadillas. You want? WILLOW: (opens fridge) No thanks. I'm, uh, more in water mode. Willow takes out a bottle of water, walks over to the island and sits. Dawn removes her food from the pan and puts it on a plate. DAWN: Ow. Ow. Ow. You sure? It's my own brand-new invention. WILLOW: I'm sure. No, my ... tummy's feeling kinda rumbly. Willow drinks water. Dawn takes a bite of her creation. DAWN: (mouth full) Your loss. Very delicious. Dawn takes her plate and goes to sit beside Willow. DAWN: Buffy called. She said she was going straight from the Magic Box to do some patrolling. WILLOW: Oh, did she need help? DAWN: No, she was just calling to check in. For like the tenth time today. I think she's feeling all Joan Crawford 'cause of the other night. WILLOW: Yeah, about that, I'm ... I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have assumed Buffy would be here. DAWN: (smiling) Right. Assume would make you an ass out of me. Heh, um, or, uh, something. Anyway, please, it's cool. I mean, it's not like I even needed Tara to stay over. I'm so totally fine on my own. Willow nods and smiles. DAWN: (anxiously) But, you are gonna be around tonight, right? (eating) WILLOW: (earnestly) Right, totally! Uh, we can do something if you want. A movie maybe? DAWN: (smiling) Really? But I thought you weren't feeling so good. WILLOW: Well ... nothing a little Dawnie time won't fix. (Dawn smiles) If you feel like baggin' the peanut butter, I'll even buy you dinner. Dawn smiles with extreme relief. DAWN: Thank god! (picks up her plate) Remind me never to invent that again. Yecch. She takes her plate to the trash and throws away her creation. Willow drinks more water. WILLOW: Great, this'll be great. I'll just grab the paper and see what's playing. DAWN: I'll leave a note for Buffy on the refrigerator. That's the first place she goes after patrolling. She's such a pig after she kills things. Willow goes off. Dawn turns to write on a pad of paper attached to the fridge with a magnet. Cut to later. Buffy enters the house. It's dark and quiet. She starts toward the kitchen, hears a noise from upstairs, pauses and frowns, looking up. BUFFY: (calls) Hello? She starts up the stairs, her shoes making a lot of noise. BUFFY: Willow? She reaches the top, looks around the hall. BUFFY: Dawn? She starts into Dawn's room, pauses, looks toward Willow's room, moves in that direction. Cut to Willow's room. The chest of magic supplies sits on the floor, its lid open, magic supplies strewn randomly around the floor. Buffy walks over to it, squats down to look at it. We see a person sneaking out from behind the door. Buffy whirls around, jumps up and grabs the person, pinning her against the wall. It's Amy. She gasps. She's holding something against her chest with both hands. BUFFY: What's going on? AMY: (nervous) Uh-oh. (nervous chuckle) Busted. BUFFY: (shakes her) Where's Willow? AMY: (talking too fast, twitchy) She said - she said I, I-I could- (Buffy grabbing the thing she's holding) -wait! BUFFY: What is this? It's a plastic baggie with some herbs in it. Buffy tries to wrestle it out of Amy's hand. AMY: It's not what you think it is, it's sage! Buffy finally gets it free, sniffs it. BUFFY: That is what I think it is. (tosses it aside, grabs Amy again) What's going on? Where's Willow and Dawn? Amy rubs her arm nervously. AMY: I ... I saw - I saw her, but that was - I like your coat. When does the slayer find time to shop? BUFFY: (shakes her again, slamming her against the wall) So they didn't let you in? AMY: (smiles nervously) Not that they know of. BUFFY: What else did you take? AMY: (shakes her head quickly) Nothing. (Buffy slams her against the wall again) Ow! BUFFY: What else?! Buffy lets go Amy's arms and begins searching Amy's pockets. AMY: Please! Please, I need this stuff. Willow wants me to have it, she understands. Buffy removes several plastic bags and glass vials from Amy's pockets. BUFFY: Understands what? Breaking into someone's house for kitchen spices? (tosses the stuff aside) No, I don't think so. AMY: You should. She's as bad as I am, worse. (Buffy frowns) Bet she's at Rack's right now. BUFFY: Rack's? AMY: A place. He does spells, heavy stuff. (resentfully) Willow's his new favorite. BUFFY: She's there? (slams Amy against the wall again) With Dawn? (shakes Amy) AMY: (sickly) Ohh, don't shake me again, super strength. I think I'm gonna boot. BUFFY: Then tell me where this place is, and I won't. AMY: Well, it's downtown, but it moves. BUFFY: What do you mean, it moves? AMY: It's downtown, I'm, I'm not sure where it would be tonight exactly- BUFFY: (shakes her) Tell me how to find it. AMY: You just kinda have to feel it out ... oh god, I think I'm gonna- Amy puts her hand over her mouth and rushes toward the bathroom. Buffy looks disgusted, turns to leave. Cut to the street. Willow and Dawn walk along together. WILLOW: So, uh, the burger was good? You liked it? DAWN: (smiling) Are you kidding? It was like a meat party in my mouth. (pauses) Okay, now I'm just a kid, and even *I* know that came out wrong. (Willow gives a small smile) Uh, it was good. But you should have had something. WILLOW: I will. I'll eat. I'm ... saving myself for popcorn. (pauses) The other day, you had fun? DAWN: (frowns) Mm, what other day? Give me a Mon or a Fri here, something to work with. WILLOW: The other day with Tara. DAWN: Oh! Uh, yeah. I-I mean, it was, it was nice. Uh, but it wasn't a laugh riot. She's sad and everything. WILLOW: Did she say something? DAWN: Uh, not exactly. I can just tell, by the way she was acting. WILLOW: Oh. Willow seems distracted. Dawn looks anxious. DAWN: Uh, are you sure you're okay? You look a little- WILLOW: No, I'm fine. And Tara's in her new place and everything, she's all settled in? DAWN: Um ... we really didn't get into ... well... (looking around) Is this right? I-is this the way to the movies? WILLOW: Oh yeah, I'm, uh, I just, uh, took you the long way around. But we're almost there. I, uh, just have to make one quick stop first. Willow walks into an alley. Dawn frowns, follows. Cut to Rack's place. Willow and Dawn come rippling through the wall and door. Dawn looks around nervously. DAWN: What is this place? Why is it hidden? WILLOW: I don't know, it's cool, isn't it? Okay, you just hang here for a minute ... and I'll, I'll be back. (starts to go, pauses) You want me to conjure you a magazine or something? DAWN: Well, what about the movie? It starts at nine. WILLOW: (nodding, twitchy) We'll make it. I, I'll just be a minute. And it doesn't matter if we miss the trailers. Willow stumbles to the other door, opens it, goes in, closes it. Dawn stares after her. DAWN: (to herself) I like the trailers. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Dawn sitting on one of the sofas in Rack's waiting room. She rubs her thighs nervously, looks up at the clock. Close sh*t of the clock, which reads 10:05. Dawn stares in front of her, fidgeting a little. A sleazy-looking guy comes and sits down next to her, putting his pack of cigarettes on the coffee table and one lit cigarette in his mouth. Dawn looks disgusted, gets up and moves away. She walks over to a corner and stands there, hugging herself nervously. Cut to Rack reclining on a sofa. RACK: What do you think, strawberry? (magic sparkles on his hand) Can you handle some more? He sh**t a bolt of magic upward. Peppy rock music begins. Pan along the stream of magic light to reveal Willow hovering in midair, surrounded by a bubble of magic. The stream coming from Rack's hand adds to the bubble. Close sh*t of Willow's face with her eyes closed. Cut to a view of outer space. Blackness and stars all around, stars moving past. The music changes to something dreamy and futuristic. Willow's erratic breathing is very loud. Willow floats in the starscape, dreamily. She reaches out her hand to touch some of the stars. Suddenly a bright red rift appears ahead of her. Willow frowns, her eyes still closed. The same demon from her other hallucination walks through the rift, holding a woman in his arms. The woman dangles limply as if d*ad. Willow screams. Cut back to Rack lying there watching her. He smiles as Willow's scream continues. Cut to Spike's crypt. Spike lies in bed sleeping. A large pillar candle suddenly flies over and hits him in the stomach. He sits up, startled. Reveal Buffy standing at the foot of the bed holding another candle. There are a few more candles on the table by the bed. BUFFY: God, do you sleep through anything? I was like yelling, and nothing. (puts candle down) Spike sits up on the edge of the bed. He's completely naked. SPIKE: I'm a bit knackered. Had a long night. (leers) Buffy scowls, turns to grab something. SPIKE: Someone should teach you how to use candles in foreplay, luv. Buffy throws his pants at him. BUFFY: Get dressed. Dawn's missing. SPIKE: Again? Ever think about a Lojack for the girl? (Buffy just looks at him) What's the story? BUFFY: She went out with Willow. SPIKE: Willow? (grinning) That's kind of a sorry excuse to come by. If you want the touch all you need to do is- BUFFY: Spike. Willow's into something. Okay, her and Dawn have been missing for hours. There, there's some guy named Rack. SPIKE: (frowns) Rack? BUFFY: Yeah, he's, uh, some sort of- SPIKE: I know who he is, he deals in magic. Black stuff, dangerous. BUFFY: I've been all over downtown and I can't find his place. SPIKE: Because he cloaks it. You can't feel it unless you're into the big bad - a witch or a vampire or- BUFFY: So let's go! Spike stands up, still naked. Buffy quickly turns her back. SPIKE: (scoffs) Oh, that's right. Hide your blushing eyes. Cut to Rack's place. Dawn still stands there fidgeting. She looks up at the clock. It now shows almost 11:00. Dawn sighs, fidgets, looks around. Starts walking toward the rear door. SLEAZY CIGARETTE GUY: Hey, wait your turn. As Dawn approaches the door, it suddenly opens and Willow comes out, smiling. WILLOW: Hey Dawnie. It's movie time. DAWN: (angrily) Do you know how long I've been out here? It's too late for the movie. And that guy smells like- Dawn notices that Willow's eyes are completely black. DAWN: (nervous) Are-are you, are you okay? WILLOW: Fine. Let's get outta here. Willow turns to leave. Dawn looks anxious, follows. Cut to the two of them walking down the alley. Willow walks unsteadily, occasionally bumping into Dawn. WILLOW: So, what do you wanna do, cutie? (smiling) DAWN: (sullen) It's late. I just wanna go home. WILLOW: Uch! No way! I said we were gonna have fun, and we're gonna have fun. sh*t of the two of them from the back, POV of someone watching and following them. Cut back to the front view. DAWN: (nervous) I'm serious, I think we should just get out of here. WILLOW: (mocking) ' I think we should just get out of here.' (another sh*t from behind) Come on, Dawnie, it's grownup time, do you wanna play with the grownups or not? Dawn looks upset. Another sh*t from behind as whatever's following them gets closer. DAWN: Why are you acting this way? WILLOW: Oh, don't get all weird on me, we're fine. Everything's fine. Another sh*t from behind. Now we see the thing following them, although it's hidden by shadows. It's definitely demon-shaped. It snarls and continues following. Cut to a different street. Buffy and Spike walk along, peering into alleys. BUFFY: Anything? SPIKE: Not yet. I might pick up on it if you stop asking me about every two seconds. BUFFY: Spike, if you're dragging this out... Spike rolls his eyes and stops walking. Buffy walks around in front of him, turns to face him. SPIKE: What, so I can linger near your precious self? Get a grip. BUFFY: Like you've never drawn things out before. SPIKE: Maybe, but we've been through this, haven't we? Things have changed. BUFFY: Will you quit that? The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. That's the power of your charms. Last night ... was the most perverse ... degrading experience of my life. SPIKE: (smiles fondly) Yeah. Me too. (resumes walking) BUFFY: (walks alongside him) That might be how you get off, but it's not my style. SPIKE: (scoffs) No, it's your calling. Gave me a run for my money, Slayer. They walk in silence for a moment. SPIKE: Now, I admit it. You've had me by the short hairs. (softly) I love you. (glances at her) You know it. But I got my rocks back. You felt something last night. BUFFY: Not love. SPIKE: Not yet. But I'm in your system now. You're gonna crave me, like I crave blood. And the next time you come crawling, if you don't stop being such a bitch, maybe I will bite you. BUFFY: (stares, stops walking) That, that's it! I want you out of my life! Out of my work, out of my home- SPIKE: Too late for that. You invited me in already. (Buffy scowls) And as for your work, you need me. Like tonight. BUFFY: I'll find Dawn myself. SPIKE: (rolls eyes) You really gonna put your little sis in danger just to spite me? Buffy glares. Cut to Dawn and Willow still walking. Dawn looks extremely nervous. DAWN: Willow. (sh*t of Willow staggering along) I'm serious. I'm going home. WILLOW: Uch, then go! God, I thought we were gonna hang. DAWN: (alarmed) Well, you're not coming with me? WILLOW: Well, I don't know. (smiling) Maybe I could just, uh, pop you back! DAWN: With magic? (shakes head in disgust) Suddenly Dawn hears a noise. She stops, looking very fearful. DAWN: What's that? WILLOW: What? I didn't- DAWN: Uh ... I'm getting out of here. Dawn begins to walk, very fast. WILLOW: Aw, Dawnie, don't. It was probably a cat or something like that. Dawn turns to look back at Willow, turns back again and the demon steps out in front of her. It's the same demon from Willow's two hallucinations earlier. Dawn moves back, staring in horror. Willow looks alarmed, comes up to her. WILLOW: Oh, it's okay, he's not real. DAWN: (scared) Seems real! Very! Real! DEMON: You summoned me, witch. WILLOW: (nervous, moving back) I, I didn't- DEMON: Did. You raised hell with your magicks. The demon growls, reaches out with a clawed hand and slashes Dawn's cheek. She shrieks. Willow moves in front of her. The demon holds his bloody finger up to his face. DEMON: Fresh. WILLOW: Don't! She has nothing to do with it, it was me! DEMON: Yessss. Dawn cowers behind Willow as the demon approaches. Suddenly Dawn kicks out her foot, catching the demon square in the middle. He flies back into a pile of garbage. Dawn and Willow run off. The demon gets up and runs after them. Cut to another street. Dawn and Willow come running around the corner. DAWN: He's coming! He's too fast! WILLOW: Open! We see a parked car. The doors swing open. WILLOW: Get in! Willow and Dawn jump into the car, Willow in the driver's seat, Dawn in the passenger seat. WILLOW: Close! The doors close. The demon comes running around the corner. WILLOW: Drive! The car starts up and takes off with an extended screech of tires. The demon continues running after the car. Willow sits in the driver's seat laughing. Dawn stares at her in horror. DAWN: What are you doing?! We see Willow moving her hand in front of the steering wheel. The wheel turns in the direction she moves her hand, making the car veer crazily from side to side. Dawn holds onto the sides of the car and screams. The demon continues pursuing. WILLOW: Woo! (laughing) Dawn stares at Willow, terrified. The car zooms down the street and into an alley. Dawn continues screaming. WILLOW: (looking back over her shoulder) Take that, scuz- The car goes into an alley, through an arched entrance, and slams into a concrete pillar. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. The car sits with its entire front end smashed in, smoke curling up from it. Pan in closer and we can see Dawn still in her seat. No sign of Willow. Dawn lifts her head and groans. DAWN: Oh god. She gets her door open and climbs out, clutching her left arm with an expression of pain. There's blood on her face. She limps slowly around the front of the car, looks over at the car and rushes over to the driver's-side door. We get a quick glimpse of Willow slumped over the steering wheel. The demon appears, leaping down right in front of Dawn. She screams and pushes him away. She drops to the ground and begins crawling underneath the car. The demon crawls over and grabs Dawn's leg. Cut to Buffy and Spike walking along. Sound of Dawn screaming. They both look to their right, exchange a quick look and rush off toward the sound. Cut back to the alley. Dawn screams and kicks as the demon drags her out from under the car. Her fists clutch at the ground. The demon pulls her all the way out and she throws a handful of dirt in his face. He lets her go and rubs at his eyes. Dawn gets up and tries to run away, but he grabs her. Dawn shrieks and hits at him with her fists. The demon backhands her and she flies quite a way down the alley, lands on the ground. She gets up on all fours and tries to crawl toward the stone wall. The demon comes over with one leap and snarls at her. BUFFY: Dawn! Buffy tackles the demon, carrying him away from Dawn. They both roll, get up. Buffy punches him and they both go down again. Lying on the ground, she tries to kick him but he grabs her leg and shoves it away, gets up. Buffy gets up too, kicks the demon. Spike crouches next to Dawn to look at her injuries. Buffy ducks a couple of swings and then punches the demon. He punches her, then she kicks him and uses her leg to sweep his feet out from under him. He goes down. Buffy tries to grab him but he flings her off. She flies a few feet backward, lands in a crouch. She gets up and does a flying kick, then the demon grabs her shoulders but she breaks free and punches him. He punches her in the face, picks her up and throws her at the stone ceiling. She hits the ceiling and falls to the ground, gets up and faces off with the demon again. The demon growls and snarls, but as he advances, he begins to tremble all over. BUFFY: (bemused) *Now* you're scared? (shrugs) Better late than never. Buffy frowns as the demon begins to scream and steam comes off of him. He dissolves into a shower of sparks and smoke. Reveal Willow standing behind where the demon was. Magic sparks still crackle around her fingers. She walks forward and leans heavily against the wall. Her eyes are completely black and there's blood on her face. Buffy stares at her. Willow stands there panting. DAWN: (OS) No, no! BUFFY: Dawn. Buffy rushes over. Dawn still sits on the ground cradling her arm against her stomach, crying, with Spike hovering beside her. BUFFY: What happened? Are you okay? DAWN: (crying) Uh ... He was after Willow, she made the car drive, don't! (Buffy tries to look at her injured arm) No, don't! BUFFY: I need to see, okay, let me see your arm. Buffy murmurs reassuringly and tries to pull Dawn's arm gently away from her body. Willow rushes up. WILLOW: Dawn? Oh god, there's blood. (Dawn crying) BUFFY: (to Spike) Okay, we need to get her to a doctor. WILLOW: Is she okay? Is she okay? Buffy and Spike help Dawn stand up. BUFFY: Back off, Will, I got her. Buffy, Dawn, and Spike begin walking. Willow watches anxiously. WILLOW: No, Dawnie! BUFFY: I mean it, stay away from her! Willow runs around in front of them. WILLOW: (crying) Dawnie! Dawnie, I'm so sorry! (Dawn glaring at her) I'm so sorry, it was an accident! I didn't see, I'm so, so sorry. b*at. Dawn glares angrily at Willow. Then Dawn slaps her across the face. WILLOW: (shocked) Dawnie! Dawnie, don't! The others resume walking as Willow continues to cry and beg. WILLOW: Dawnie, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Willow falls to the ground crying hysterically. WILLOW: I'm sorry! I'm sorry... (crying) The others pause. Spike looks at Buffy, gives a slight nod, leads Dawn away. Buffy turns to look at Willow, walks slowly over to her with a stern expression. BUFFY: (harshly) Get up. WILLOW: (crying) I screwed it up, everything, Tara... BUFFY: (grabs Willow's arm, pulls her to her feet) Yeah, you know what, you did screw up, okay? You could have k*lled her! You almost did! WILLOW: (crying) I know! I know! I can't stop, Buffy! I tried and I can't. BUFFY: You can. WILLOW: (shakes head) I can't! I can't, I ju ... god, I need help. Please! (sobbing) Please help me, please. Willow puts her arms around Buffy and continues crying. WILLOW: Please. Buffy slowly lifts her arms and hugs Willow back. Willow continues crying. Cut to the Summers house. Willow sits on her bed, a blanket wrapped around her, her eyes closed. Zoom in slowly on her. Buffy appears in background, in the doorway, leans against the wall with her arms crossed. Willow opens her eyes, looks over. WILLOW: Is she okay? BUFFY: She's sleeping. The E.R. doc gave her something for the pain, it knocked her out. WILLOW: (anxious) But she's gonna be all right? BUFFY: It's a fracture. You know, it's gonna take some time. WILLOW: (looks away, whispers) God, I'm ... sorry. I'm so... BUFFY: I just don't understand. I don't understand why you'd go to see somebody like Rack, and I certainly don't understand why you'd drag Dawn into it. WILLOW: I don't know. The magic, I ... I thought I had it under control, and then ... I didn't. BUFFY: Because of Tara? WILLOW: No. It started before she left. (pauses) It's why she left. BUFFY: (pauses) Seemed like things were going so well. WILLOW: It was. But I mean ... if you could be ... you know, plain old Willow or super Willow, who would you be? (looks at Buffy) I guess you don't actually have an option on the whole super thing. BUFFY: Will, there's nothing wrong with you. You don't need magic to be special. WILLOW: Don't I? I mean, Buffy, who was I? Just ... some girl. Tara didn't even know that girl. BUFFY: You are more than some girl. (walks into the room) And Tara wants you to stop. She loves you. WILLOW: We don't know that. BUFFY: I know that. I promise you. WILLOW: I just ... it took me away from myself, I was ... free. BUFFY: (looks down, pensive) I get that. More than you- (breaks off) But it's wrong. People get hurt. Buffy goes to sit beside Willow on the bed. WILLOW: If something had happened to Dawn tonight ... something worse... BUFFY: I know. WILLOW: No, I don't think you do. I-I ... I was out of my mind, I ... I did things I can't even... Buffy continues looking pensive. WILLOW: It won't happen again, I promise. No more spells. I'm finished. BUFFY: (frowns) Good. I think it's right. To give it up. (pensive) No matter how good it feels. WILLOW: It's not worth it. Not if it messes with the people I love. Buffy still has her pensive expression, not exactly thinking about Willow's issues. WILLOW: The magic wasn't all great. I won't miss the nosebleeds and the headaches and stuff. BUFFY: There you go. WILLOW: Or ... keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra. (Buffy frowns) Don't ask. BUFFY: Now I don't have to. WILLOW: 'Cause it's over. BUFFY: Exactly. It's over. They both nod and give each other nervous looks, tentative smiles. Then both look away and stop smiling. Cut to later. Willow lies in bed panting and sweaty, staring at the ceiling, one hand clutching her stomach, the other clenched into a fist on the pillow. Cut to Buffy's room. Pan across the windows. On each window several strings of garlic cloves are hanging. Pan down to reveal Buffy sitting on her bed, knees drawn up to her chest, twirling a cross in her hands. There's garlic festooning the bedframe as well. Buffy hugs her knees, looks around nervously. Blackout. In Loving Memory Of J.D. Peralta. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x10 - Wrecked"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously... Buffy and Spike against the wall kissing in "Smashed." SPIKE VOICEOVER: Last night changed things. BUFFY: The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. Dawn and Willow walking down the street. DAWN: Is this the way to the movies? Dawn and Willow coming through the walls into Rack's place. DAWN: What is this place? WILLOW: I'll just be a minute. Willow suspended inside a ball of magic. BUFFY: Willow's into something. Her and Dawn have been missing for hours. DAWN: Do you know how long I've been out here? WILLOW: (with black eyes) Let's get outta here. Dawn in the car. The car crashing. Spike and Buffy leading an injured Dawn. WILLOW: Dawnie, I'm sorry! Dawn slapping Willow. Willow crying. BUFFY: You could have k*lled her! WILLOW: I need help! Willow and Buffy in Willow's bedroom. WILLOW: No more spells. I'm finished. Warren stealing the diamond from the museum. WARREN: Got it. JONATHAN: It's beautiful. WARREN: Congratulations, Phase One of the plan is now complete. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a table covered with magical stuff: tarot cards, candles, little bowls and boxes of herbs, etc. A pair of hands comes into the sh*t and sweeps everything into a cardboard box. Pull back to reveal Buffy. She begins removing pillar candles from the table and putting them in the box too. Reveal Dawn standing by the bookshelf looking at books. Her left arm is in a sling. She puts a book in a box, looks over at Buffy. DAWN: Candles?! We can't have candles? BUFFY: Dawn, it's magic clearance. Everything must go. Buffy looks over at Willow, who is sitting cross-legged on the bed. Willow nods. DAWN: B-but they're just candles! BUFFY: (sighs, stands up) Well, yeah, you know, to you and me they're just candles, but to ... witches they're ... like bongs. Willow nods sadly. Dawn sighs. BUFFY: So, no candles, no charms ... (walking toward the door to the bathroom) no- WILLOW: Bird. BUFFY: (stops walking) No bird? WILLOW: That peacock on the table. (looks at the side table near Buffy) It has two crystals in it. Buffy picks up the small statue of a bird. She opens it and finds two crystals inside. WILLOW: Tara, she... (Buffy looking at her) she left them. (Dawn looking at them) BUFFY: I'll make sure she gets them. Willow nods. Cut to downstairs. Buffy walks into the living room carrying a cardboard box. She begins walking around, picking up things and putting them in the box. Dawn follows. BUFFY: (over her shoulder) Dawn, do me a favor, can you grab the fertility god statue on the desk over there? DAWN: Kokopelli?! No! I love him! And he was Mom's. Buffy puts hands on hips and just looks at Dawn. DAWN: (upset) Why do we have to get rid of so many things I like? BUFFY: Dawn, I explained this to you. Willow has a problem. The next few weeks are gonna be ... crazy hard on her as it is. Buffy turns away as she continues talking. Dawn rolls her eyes and turns to pick up the statue. BUFFY: (on the sofa, moving cushions around) Any reminder of, of what it is that she's trying to stay away from, you know, could cause her to ... give in to temptation. Buffy digs among the sofa cushions and finds something. It's a cigarette lighter. She flips it open and stares at it. Flash to Buffy and Spike in the abandoned building, kissing and slamming each other up against the walls. Flash back to the present. Buffy still stares at the lighter. BUFFY: And that would be bad. She turns and tosses the lighter into the cardboard box. Cut to a closeup of the stolen diamond seen through a magnifying glass. A hand takes it out of its black-velvet-lined case and holds it up. Cut out to reveal Warren, wearing safety goggles and sitting at a workbench. A device of some sort, vaguely machine-g*n-shaped, is on the bench in front of him. He puts the diamond into a space on top of the device, in the middle of a star shape formed by six metal spikes. He places a glass cover over the diamond. WARREN: (triumphant) Okay, that's it. It's finally done. Jonathan and Andrew come up behind him to look. WARREN: I mean, it still needs a trial run, but it's- JONATHAN: Kind of clunky-looking. WARREN: What?! ANDREW: I pictured something cooler. More ILM, less Ed Wood. WARREN: (gets up angrily) You wanna see cool? I'll show you cool. Warren picks up the device. Jonathan and Andrew look alarmed, back away. Warren points the device at them for a moment, then turns away, fiddling with the controls. The device makes a whirring noise as the star-shaped bit on top spins around. A bolt of reddish light sh**t out and hits one of the leather chairs on the platform. The chair disappears. The Geeks stare in awe. Andrew pushes past the others and goes over to where the chair was. Jonathan follows slowly. JONATHAN: Mama! Warren watches with a smirk. Andrew and Jonathan stand on either side of where the chair was. Andrew makes gestures like he's feeling around in the air. JONATHAN: Did it ... is it... ANDREW: Yeah. Jonathan grins excitedly, turns and very carefully sits down on the invisible chair. He spins around a few times, giggles crazily. Andrew stares in awe. JONATHAN: (laughing, to Warren) I'd call that a successful test. WARREN: Well, that's just half the test. Warren begins flipping switches again. The diamond begins to whirl. JONATHAN: Hey! Hey! Andrew leaps for cover and Jonathan pulls his arms and legs up to shield himself as Warren zaps him again. The chair reappears. Jonathan looks nervously at his arms, making sure he's still visible, then gets up angrily. JONATHAN: You penis! WARREN: Oh, cheer up, Frodo. Because thanks to my brains, and our mystical gem, we got ourselves an invisibility ray. (shoulders the w*apon) And I'd say that makes us pretty much unstoppable. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Daniel Hagen, and Susan Ruttan. Written and directed by David Fury. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Buffy in the kitchen, yelling toward upstairs. BUFFY: Dawn, come on, you gotta eat breakfast! Xander's gonna be here any second. No response. Buffy sighs, turns back into the kitchen. BUFFY: She's gonna be late for school again. Willow is at the stove cooking, wearing pajamas. Buffy looks over at her. Close sh*t of Willow's hands putting bits of ham into a cooking omelet. BUFFY: How are you doing? WILLOW: I'm okay. Not 'ready to head back to classes, face the world' okay, but ... the shakiness is only semi now. I thought I'd spend the day fishing the net, for more poop on the, uh, stolen diamond. Dawn enters, her arm still in a sling. BUFFY: I called you before. DAWN: (sullen) Didn't hear you. Dawn pours herself a glass of orange juice. WILLOW: Hey Dawnie, uh, I'm making you a nice omelet. DAWN: Not hungry. (drinks juice) BUFFY: Dawn, you need to eat something. DAWN: Thanks for your concern. Dawn slams her glass down and leaves. WILLOW: Okay, I deserve the wrath of Dawn, but ... why is she taking it out on you? BUFFY: Because I let it happen. WILLOW: Buffy, I was the one who- BUFFY: Who was drowning. My best friend. And I was too wrapped up in my own dumb life to even notice. Suddenly the door from the back porch bursts open. Willow and Buffy look over in surprise as a blanket-covered shape enters, slams the door shut and throws off the blanket, revealing Spike. He straightens up, smoothes down his hair, looks at them. SPIKE: Morning. BUFFY: What are you doing? And, here? (Willow returns to cooking) SPIKE: Just, uh, took a stroll. Found myself in your neck of the woods. BUFFY: Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll? SPIKE: Yeah, well, the fact is my lighter's gone missing. Thought it might have, uh, dropped outta my pocket the last time I was here. BUFFY: Haven't seen it. Buffy turns to the sink. Willow takes the omelet pan and puts it on the counter next to the sink. WILLOW: I'm, uh, gonna head back to my room, get dressed. BUFFY: Oh, I... Buffy starts to follow Willow out, but stops. She leans one hand against the island, watches Willow go. Then she turns to Spike with a resigned expression. BUFFY: Lame. SPIKE: What? BUFFY: You. Making up excuses. (goes back to the sink) SPIKE: Oh, don't flatter yourself, luv. (walking toward her) Bloody fond of that lighter. Buffy turns away from the sink, glares at him. BUFFY: Stop trying to see me. And stop calling me that. SPIKE: (walks over to her) So, um ... what should I call you then? Pet? Buffy just looks at him as he leans right up in her face. SPIKE: (grinning) Sweetheart? My, uh ... (fondling a piece of her hair) little goldilocks? He toys with her hair for a moment with one hand, then the other. SPIKE: You know I love this hair. The way it bounces around when you- Buffy suddenly lifts her hand out of the sink, holding a spatula on trajectory toward Spike's face, but he grabs her wrist and stops it. SPIKE: Ah-ah-ah! This flapjack's not ready to be flipped. His other hand is on her shoulder and now drops down out of sh*t. BUFFY: What the hell is that supposed to- Buffy breaks off with a small sigh of pleasure, closing her eyes. BUFFY: (whispers) Stop that. Spike looks downward, but we still can't see what his hand is doing. XANDER: Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike! Spike and Buffy look over to see Xander standing in the doorway. Buffy quickly shoves Spike's hands off her, drops the spatula into the sink. XANDER: Still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already. Never gonna happen! (Spike and Buffy glaring at him) Only a complete loser would ever hook up with you. (Buffy looking insulted) Well, unless she's a simpleton like Harmony, or a, or a nut sack like Drusilla- BUFFY: Hey! You really need to get Dawn off to school. Let's go, go fetch her, okay? Buffy walks over to Xander, takes his arm and guides him toward the hallway. BUFFY: (not turning back) You can let yourself out, right Spike? Spike watches them go with a smirk. Cut to Buffy and Xander emerging into the foyer. BUFFY: (calling) Dawn! You better get going, Xander's here! DAWN: Here. Dawn appears from upstairs. BUFFY: Okay, you have everything you need? DAWN: (interrupting) Yep. BUFFY: And after school, you- DAWN: Yeah yeah. Let's go, Xander. (walking toward the door) BUFFY: (intercepting her) You will come straight home. DAWN: (sarcastic) Sure. Maybe we can find some time for you to (Buffy opens door) get me into another car accident. As the door opens we find a middle-aged woman standing on the front step holding some papers. Buffy gives Dawn a sour look, then notices the woman. MS. KROGER: (removing her glasses, smiling at Dawn) Oh, good morning. You must be Dawn. (Dawn nods) BUFFY: Can I help you? MS. KROGER: I'm Doris Kroger, from Social Services. (displaying her ID badge) We had an appointment? BUFFY: Oh, for Wednesday. MS. KROGER: This is Wednesday. Buffy looks at Xander, who nods. BUFFY: Right! Well ... Dawn, you better... Dawn rolls her eyes in utter adolescent disdain and leaves, pushing past Ms. Kroger. BUFFY: (sighs) And, and Xander, you'll drive safely? XANDER: Yes ma'am. Xander follows Dawn out. Ms. Kroger enters the foyer. MS. KROGER: (smiles at Buffy) Little bit on the tardy side, isn't she? BUFFY: (closing door) Yeah, well, uh, it's been one of those mornings, you know. (notices that Ms. Kroger has already gone into the living room) Hey, come on in. Ms. Kroger stands in the doorway to the living room, looking around. Buffy walks up beside her. BUFFY: Sorry about the mess, you know, doing a little house-cleaning. In foreground we see Spike sitting slouched in an armchair. SPIKE: So, we gonna chat this out, or what? BUFFY: (nervous) Uh ... now's really not a-a good time. Um, I have company. (indicates Ms. Kroger) SPIKE: (making himself comfortable) No worries. I'll wait. MS. KROGER: Um, Miss Summers, if you and your boyfriend would like to- BUFFY: He is NOT- Spike looks over with a scowl. BUFFY: (clears throat) Not my, my boyfriend, he's, um, just ... a... Spike looks over at her, waiting to hear what she'll say. BUFFY: Spike ... this nice woman is, uh, (meaningfully) from Social Services? SPIKE: Oh, right! (gets up) Uh ... hey! Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis. (Both Buffy and Ms. Kroger smiling) Like, um, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it. MS. KROGER: (frowning) I'm sorry, did you say- BUFFY: Crib! (fake laugh) He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang. Ms. Kroger isn't convinced. Buffy walks over to Spike, takes his arm and turns him around. BUFFY: Uh, Spike, didn't you have to go now, you know, because of that thing? SPIKE: Uh, thing, yeah. Uh, my blanket. Buffy scowls, picks up the blanket and throws it at him. He catches it, scowls back at her. Faceoff. sh*t of Ms. Kroger observing all this with raised eyebrows. Spike turns, still scowling, and exits into the kitchen. Buffy watches him go, looking conflicted. Then puts on a bright smile and turns back to the social worker. MS. KROGER: He sleeps here? BUFFY: What? No! No. Oh, uh, the, the, the blanket. That's, um, uh, it's a security thing, you know. He ... has issues. Nope, just me and Dawn living here. WILLOW: (OS, calling from upstairs) Buffy, I'm not feeling hot, so uh, I'm gonna take a quick nap, okay? BUFFY: (calling) Okay, Will! Buffy looks nervously at Ms. Kroger, who gives her a questioning look. BUFFY: That's Willow. She, uh, she kind of lives here too, actually. MS. KROGER: Oh, so you live with another woman. BUFFY: Oh! Oh, it's not a, a gay thing, you know, I mean, well... Ms Kroger has noticed the box full of magical stuff to be thrown out. She picks up a plastic baggie containing some herbs. BUFFY: ...she's gay, but, but we don't ... gay. Not that there's anything - (notices Ms. Kroger looking at the herb) Oh! Wrong with... (rushes over) You know, I know what that looks like, but I, I swear, it's not ... what it looks like. (Ms. Kroger looking shocked) It's *magic* weed. Buffy realizes that came out wrong, grabs the plastic bag from Ms. Kroger and tosses it back in the box. BUFFY: It's not mine. MS. KROGER: I think I've seen enough. She turns to leave. Buffy hurries after her. BUFFY: No, a-actually, I really don't think that you have. It's just ... i-it's been kind of, kind of a, a bad time. MS. KROGER: It's been a bad time now for a while, hasn't it, Ms. Summers? Your sister's grades have fallen sharply in the last year, due in large part to her frequent absences and lateness. BUFFY: But there-there are good reasons. MS. KROGER: Oh, I'm sure there are. But my interest is in Dawn's welfare. And the s*ab of her home life, something I'm just not convinced that an unemployed young woman like yourself can provide. BUFFY: I can. I, I do! MS. KROGER: Well, we'll just have to see about that then, won't we? She goes to the door, stops and turns back. MS. KROGER: Oh, and I'm, uh, going to recommend immediate probation in my report. BUFFY: What does that mean? MS. KROGER: It means that I'll be monitoring you very closely, Ms. Summers. And if I don't see that things are improving, well, I'll be forced to recommend that you be stripped of your sister's guardianship. BUFFY: You can't do that. MS. KROGER: (opens the door) I do what is in Dawn's best interest ... as should you. Have a nice day. She goes out the door. Buffy stares after her for a moment, then sighs and closes the door, stands leaning with one hand on the door frame. SPIKE: Didn't go well, huh? We see Spike standing in the foyer. Buffy turns to face him, leans against the door jamb, sighs. BUFFY: (quietly) Why won't you go? SPIKE: (surprised) I just thought you'd want- BUFFY: (harshly) Get out of here! Spike looks surprised, then angry. He lunges forward and pins Buffy against the wall, one hand on the wall beside her head. Their faces are inches apart. Spike does something with his other hand out of sh*t and Buffy closes her eyes, breathes heavily. Close sh*t of Spike's hand inside Buffy's front jeans pocket, moving around. Then he pulls out his lighter and holds it up in front of her face. SPIKE: Just getting what I came for, luv. He moves in closer as if to kiss her, but then turns away and strides off down the hall toward the kitchen. SPIKE: (not looking back) So long, goldilocks. Buffy sighs, stands there breathing a little heavily and looking upset. After a moment she moves away from the wall. Cut to Buffy's room. She walks in, slams the door and leans against it, looking upset, whimpering a little. She puts her face in her hands, then walks forward, shaking her arms and moving her shoulders around. She paces a bit, sits down in front of her vanity table, puts her head in her hands again. Then she lifts her head, looks at herself in the mirror. She turns to open a drawer, searches through it, closes it, opens another drawer, takes out a pair of scissors. She grabs a fistful of her hair and chops it off with the scissors. She drops the hair on the floor and starts cutting off another piece, looking angrily at her reflection. sh*t of the locks of hair lying on the carpeted floor. Cut to close sh*t of a woman with a wild "tousled" hairdo. CLEO: Well, I-I think I can work with this. We see that she's standing behind Buffy who sits in a barber's chair, both looking at Buffy in the mirror. Buffy's shorn hair is about shoulder-length and all uneven. CLEO: What exactly would you like me to do? BUFFY: Just make me ... different. Cut to the street, day. Warren emerges from the rear of the Geeks' black van, closes the door and walks around the side of the van, carrying something covered by a cloth. Andrew and Jonathan appear on either side of him, walking. We see that they're in an alley. ANDREW: I'm scared, what if we get caught? JONATHAN: No way, we'll be invisible. Plus their security's gotten lax. WARREN: (chuckles) You should know. You've cased this joint enough. They emerge from the alley onto a main street, turn the corner and approach a large storefront. The sign in the window reads: "Spa, Women Only. Bikini Wax Wednesdays" and a cartoon picture of a woman. WARREN: Okay, this is it. The Geeks stop walking. Warren faces the others. WARREN: Remember... Warren removes the black cloth, revealing the invisibility ray g*n. WARREN: ...we're professionals. The others nod uncertainly. Andrew looks away. Long sh*t of Buffy emerging from the hairdresser's across the street. Her hair is now neatly styled at shoulder-length. She begins to walk across the sidewalk. ANDREW: (nudging Jonathan nervously) Uh, Slayer! WARREN: What? Wh-where? ANDREW: There. Headed this way. Warren turns to look, fearfully. Buffy walks between some parked cars (one minivan with bumper stickers reading "God Bless America" and "United We Stand") and begins to cross the street. Cut back to Warren staring at her. He lifts his hand and suddenly realizes the invisibility ray isn't in it. He turns and realizes that the other two geeks aren't standing behind him any more. JONATHAN: (OS) Give it! Cut to the alley just around the corner. Andrew and Jonathan are fighting over the ray g*n. Warren runs around the corner and finds them. ANDREW: No, I need to be invisible! JONATHAN: I need it more, Buffy can't see me! WARREN: Hey, watch it, don't you- Warren runs over and tries to get the ray away from them. The bit on top is spinning and the whirring noise intensifies. Suddenly the red light bursts out of the invisibility ray. It hits Buffy as she walks past the mouth of the alley. It also hits a tree, a f*re hydrant, some traffic cones, and a Dumpster, all of which immediately disappear. The Geeks stare in dismay. Zoom in on Andrew. ANDREW: Oopsie. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a close sh*t of Xander in the magic shop, staring at something. XANDER: What happened to Buffy? She's gone. ANYA: She's right here. We see that Xander and Anya are studying a diagram of seating arrangements. ANYA: (points) Table four. I put her with your family. XANDER: Great. Except, we don't hate Buffy. sh*t of the magic shop door opening but there's no one there. XANDER: (OS) Let's put her back at table one. (The door closes again and the camera pulls back into the shop) ANYA: (OS) Well, where do I put D'Hoffryn? XANDER: (OS) We're not inviting D'Hoffryn. ANYA: We have to, he's my ex-boss! You're inviting your work buddies. The camera continues pulling back and then swings around to face Anya and Xander again. We hear Buffy's voice but we don't see her. INVISIBLE BUFFY: She's got a point. XANDER: Hey, Buffy... Xander turns around to look at Buffy, but doesn't see her. Confused, he stands up and looks around. XANDER: Where ... where are you? INVISIBLE BUFFY: At table four, apparently. ANYA: (frowning, looking around) Well, that remains to be seen. Like you. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Don't strain yourself looking, Xander. I'm invisible girl. Anya comes out from behind the counter as Xander continues looking around, holding his hands up at breast height. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Uh, Xander? Xander jumps and pulls his hands back quickly. XANDER: (nervous laugh) Sorry! (to Anya) Her clothes are ... invisible ... too. (to the empty air where he thinks Buffy is) Buffy, how did this hap ... wait a sec, have you been feeling ... ignored lately? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Yeah, ignored. I wish. No, this isn't a Marcie deal. I don't know what happened. I left Main Street after getting my hair cut, and- ANYA: You cut your hair? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Oh, yeah! ANYA: Really? How short? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Um, about up to here ... well, if you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders. ANYA: Ahh, that sounds so adorable! I was thinking about getting my hair cut before the wed- XANDER: Can we get back to freaking out about no-show Buffy? (Anya looks chastised) This is serious. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I know. It kind of fits the day I've had. The camera moves over to a table where there's a basket full of baseball-sized balls. One of them lifts into the air and begins moving around as if Buffy is tossing it from hand to hand. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Willow's still a wreck, Dawn's mad at both of us, and the social services lady put me through a wringer. Says she's gonna watch me. I'd like to see her try now. Invisible Buffy holds up a second ball. The balls have symbols painted on them that make them look a little like eyes. She holds them next to each other, moves them as if the eyes are looking side to side. INVISIBLE BUFFY: You know, there may be an upside to no-see-me. (the balls float over toward Anya) XANDER: Buff, did you say anyone, or ... anything suspicious before you ... cleared out? Buffy continues playing with the 'eyes' next to Anya's head, making Anya nervous. She turns them so they look cross-eyed. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Nope, didn't see nothin'. (laughs) See what I did there, with the eyeballs? ANYA: (nervously, to Xander) Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean, invisible Slayer's gotta be way more effective than the standard variety. Through this the 'eyeballs' turn to 'look' at Anya and then at Xander. Now they move away. We hear Buffy's footsteps. XANDER: Yeah, I'm less with the why and more with the how. We get the how, then we got how to make her unseen sight seen again, right? A human skull floats up beside Xander's shoulder. Its mouth moves up and down. INVISIBLE BUFFY: 'Saright! XANDER: (annoyed) Buffy, could you focus please? INVISIBLE BUFFY: (making the skull 'look around') I am! Just ... this is kind of fun. ANYA: Well, it would help if we had a little bit more to go on. Or ... anything to go on. XANDER: Well, I could go check the spot where Buffy disappeared. Snoop for clues. INVISIBLE BUFFY: (putting skull back on a shelf) Yeah, right. Uh, hey, you know what? I'm just gonna ... go for a walk. (footsteps heading toward the door) XANDER: A walk? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Yeah. Um, clear my head. (Xander following her toward the door) You guys keep working on those whats and hows. (laughs) Clear my head. The door opens. XANDER: Buffy! The door closes. Anya grimaces and shrugs, sits down in front of the seating plan again. ANYA: Well, seems pretty obvious it's some kind of spell that's done this to her. XANDER: Spell from who? You said it yourself, it makes no sense for one of her enemies to make her invisible. ANYA: Maybe it's a mistake. XANDER: A magical mistake. (small laugh) Who'd be messing with that kind of pow- Suddenly he stops, looking thoughtful. Anya turns to look at him. Cut to the Summers house, dining room. Pan across the table covered with open books. Willow's computer is set up at the end of the table, and she sits in front of it, drinking from a bottle of water. She puts the water down, picks up a book and looks under it, looks under another pile of books. Looks across and sees the book she wants -- at the other end of the table. Willow holds out her hand. The book moves a little. She stops, pulls her hand back. Sound of the door opening. XANDER: Willow. WILLOW: (OS) Xander! Xander enters from the front door and walks into the dining room. Willow looks guilty. XANDER: How's it going? WILLOW: Um ... good. (Xander sits) I, I, uh, found ... out some stuff about the diamond stolen from the museum. (Xander not really listening) It's called the Illuminata, and there's rumors of it having quasi-mystical quantum properties. XANDER: Willow, we need to talk. WILLOW: (nervous) We ... are talking. Well, I'm talking and you're looking at me funny. XANDER: Is there something you wanna tell me? They look at each other for a moment. Willow looks upset. WILLOW: It was nothing, I ... I-I didn't slip. XANDER: Will, nobody's mad. Relapse is a part of recovery, we understand that. We just have to figure a way to fix it. WILLOW: (confused) Fix what? XANDER: Fix Buffy. WILLOW: Buffy's broken? XANDER: Will, you know what I'm talki - (sees her expression) You don't know. Willow shakes her head, still confused. XANDER: Rhymes with ... 'blinvisible'? WILLOW: What? XANDER: Buffy was in town, leaving the haircutting place, when she suddenly just- WILLOW: Buffy got her hair cut? XANDER: (sarcastic) Yeah! Adorable, apparently. I personally couldn't tell, since she's all 'blinvisible.' WILLOW: (upset) And you think I had something to do with this? XANDER: Uh, no ... not ... (sighs) Well, come on, Will. Some of the spells you've done have caused some weird stuff to happen to each of us at one time or another. And let's not forget the recent forgetting. WILLOW: Oh. I see, so now when anything nasty happens, I get conveniently blamed for it? XANDER: No one's blaming! WILLOW: (stands up) So ... I guess it wouldn't matter if I just jump off the wagon completely ... since you already think I'm making pit stops. XANDER: Well, look, if you said you didn't do it - (Willow grabs her coat and goes past him) Willow, where you going? WILLOW: For a walk. She opens the front door and exits. Xander watches her go in dismay. Cut to the Geek Trio's underground lair. Warren is working on the invisibility ray, using a small blow-torch. Jonathan and Andrew watch. WARREN: Couple of circuits are b*rned out, and the wiring's all fried. ANDREW: But we had so many plans. Naked women, and all ... well, all-all the naked women. (to Jonathan) This is all your fault, if you hadn't grabbed it from me- JONATHAN: Hey, we got a lot bigger problems here, bonehead. The Slayer's invisible now? ANDREW: He's right. (to Warren) She could be anywhere. (Warren stops working, looks at him) Even here, right now. All three look around very nervously. ANDREW: (quietly) Watching. Listening to every word we say. (very dramatically) For all we know, she could be one of us! Warren and Jonathan look each other up and down for a long moment, anxiously. Suddenly they all burst into relieved laughter. ANDREW: Oh, wait, no, guys, that isn't true. WARREN: (returning to his work) I wouldn't sweat the Slayer too much. JONATHAN: Says you. In my book an invisible slayer means a whole world of trouble. Cut to a park, day. A young woman sits on a bench reading a book. She wears a purple baseball cap. The camera moves toward her. We can see that the edges of the cap are decorated with metal studs. Suddenly the cap lifts off the woman's head and floats around in front of her face. She looks very surprised. INVISIBLE BUFFY: (spooky voice) I am the ghost of fashion victims past. (normal voice) Studded caps? Not a good idea. The woman looks scared, gets up and runs away. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Hey! I'm doing you a favor! The camera (Buffy's POV) swings down to discover a garbage can. The cap drops into it. Then the camera moves around to see two people jogging past. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Naah ... too easy. The camera moves forward toward the street. We see a cop standing next to a parked SUV, writing a ticket. The camera moves closer. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Hmm... The camera moves back to find the cop's golf-cart-like vehicle parked behind the SUV. Cut back to the cop. He looks up in surprise at the sound of an engine starting. INVISIBLE BUFFY: So long, copper! The golf cart drives past him and on down the street, apparently empty. The cop runs after it. COP: Hey ... Hey! That's mine! Stop! Cut to the golf cart pulling to a stop beside the curb in another part of town. Pan over to reveal a large building with the words "Department of Social Services" on the side. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Hello, Mrs. Kroger. Cut to inside. A typical office setting. Phones ringing, people walking around. Pan down the hall to reveal Ms. Kroger sitting at her desk in a cubicle area. Another woman is working nearby. Ms. Kroger is looking at some paperwork on her desk. She reaches over to pick up a coffee mug, takes a sip, puts the mug down next to her right hand. Takes a pen from a container and makes a note on the papers, reaches for the coffee mug again. But the mug is gone. MS. KROGER: (confused) What - Where's my... She turns to find the mug sitting on the desk by her left hand. She gives a nervous laugh. The coworker turns to look at her. MS. KROGER: (joking) Losing my mind. She picks up the mug, takes a sip, puts it down on her right again. Turns to the left to pick up some more papers. Turns back and the mug is gone again. She gives a frustrated sigh. MS. KROGER: (annoyed) Okay, who's the- She turns and finds the mug sitting on top of her computer monitor. As she reaches for it, it floats up into the air and dances around a little. INVISIBLE BUFFY: (softly) k*ll, k*ll, k*ll! MS. KROGER: What? The coworker looks over in confusion. COWORKER: I didn't say anything. MS. KROGER: Not you! The mug, it's- The mug is gone again. She stops, looks around. The mug is back in its original spot on her right. MS. KROGER: But I ... I heard something. She pokes the mug nervously. INVISIBLE BUFFY: k*ll, Doris. k*ll everybody. Ms. Kroger looks shocked, pushes her chair back and stands up. INVISIBLE BUFFY: You know you want to. MS. KROGER: (yelling at the mug) Shut up, shut up, just shut up! She pauses, realizes she's shouting, looks around. sh*ts of several coworkers staring at her. Ms. Kroger looks confused, turns and walks away. Close sh*t on the file folders on her desk. They begin to move. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Okay ... no ... no... Invisible Buffy moves the files aside until she finds the one labeled 'Summers, Dawn.' INVISIBLE BUFFY: Yahtzee! The file opens. The camera moves over to the computer keyboard. The keys begin to move as Invisible Buffy types. Cut to Ms. Kroger coming out of the women's bathroom, holding a paper towel to the back of her neck. She starts to walk back toward her desk. BOSS: Uh, Doris! A man intercepts her. BOSS: I've, uh, got a few, so if you wanna discuss that case file now... MS. KROGER: What? Oh! Oh yes, the, um, Summers file, it's, uh, it's right over here. She goes to her desk, picks up a file and gives it to the boss. He begins looking through it. MS. KROGER: Uh, it's a fifteen-year-old girl, living under her older sister's guardianship. The house is a complete- BOSS: What is this? (reading) 'All work and no play make Doris a dull girl'? MS. KROGER: What? BOSS: 'All work and no play make Doris' - the pages are filled with it. sh*t of the case file. All the papers have been replaced with pages filled with the one sentence 'All work and no play make Doris a dull girl" over and over. Ms. Kroger grabs the file back and looks at it in confusion, shaking her head. MS. KROGER: I ... I... She looks over at the printer. sh*t of the printer still spitting out more pages of the same thing. MS. KROGER: I, I, I didn't do this, I ... The boss looks dubiously at her. She leans closer to him. MS. KROGER: (softly) It was the voice. BOSS: Excuse me? MS. KROGER: There was a voice, before. It made my coffee dance. It told me to- (breaks off) BOSS: To ... what? MS. KROGER: (nervously) Nothing. BOSS: Doris ... take the rest of the day off. See your doctor. MS. KROGER: But what about my cases? BOSS: We'll, uh ... put someone else on them. And have them redo the Summers interview. Sound of whistling. The camera recedes away from them down the hall. MS. KROGER: I'm not crazy. I am not crazy! BOSS: Well, no one said that you were. The camera continues moving away as the whistling continues -- to the tune of Buffy's song "Alive" from episode "Once More With Feeling." The door at the end of the hall opens, then closes. Cut to Xander walking down the street. He passes the spa, enters the mouth of the alley, and finds Willow. She has a can of red spray paint and is spraying the Dumpster, making it visible again. XANDER: Hey Will. (she turns) Whatcha doin'? WILLOW: (defensive) Look, Xander, I - I figured out this was where Buffy disappeared from what you told me, so don't start jumping to any conclusions. XANDER: (holds up his hands) No jumping, look, feet firmly planted. (smiles) WILLOW: (embarrassed) I'm not feeling like myself right now, sorry. XANDER: Me too. Sorry. (she nods) So! What have we found out so far? WILLOW: Well, take a look at that! (points) We see a tire-mark on the ground. WILLOW: Something sped outta here pretty dann quick to, to make that kind of tread mark. XANDER: Well, this could have been made any time. WILLOW: Yeah, but this ... wasn't. Willow takes out a small vial from her pocket and holds it up. Xander takes it. XANDER: What is it? WILLOW: (walking away) Paint that I scraped off the f*re hydrant. She stops at a different part of sidewalk. Xander follows her, studying the vial. XANDER: What f*re hydrant? (clanking noise) Ow! Xander hops around on one foot, his other leg having been injured by walking into the invisible f*re hydrant. WILLOW: That one. Willow lowers her voice and makes gestures from the alleyway to where they are now. WILLOW: Whatever h*t this f*re hydrant h*t it after it was made invisible. And betcha by golly wow, that something was the same something that sh*t out of that alley. XANDER: (pondering) Black paint? Buffy's phantom van. (Willow nods) We gotta let Buffy - whoa! Xander takes a step backward and bumps into something. XANDER: There's something there. (pointing) Willow sprays her can of spray paint where he's pointing. A traffic cone slowly takes shape. WILLOW: I-it's a pylon, one of those orange traffic cones. (continues spraying) You should take it to the Magic Box. It might help you and Anya figure out what kind of spell was used. XANDER: What about you? WILLOW: (stands up) Well, I got paint scrapings... (gives Xander the paint can and takes the vial from him) ...and a tire mark. I'm gonna find this van that's been stalking Buffy. (Xander nods) By the way, where *is* Buffy? Xander shrugs in confusion. Cut to Spike's crypt. Spike sits slouched in his chair, watching TV. WOMAN ON TV: (screaming) Oh my god, the blood! Look at all the blood! Spike looks down at his stomach, puts his hand on it, gets up. He walks over to a small refrigerator, opens it, takes out a jar of blood. Takes off the lid and lifts the jar to his mouth. Noise from the door. Spike pauses, looks over. The door to the crypt is open, swinging on its hinges. No one is visible there. Spike looks at it for a moment, puts his jar down and walks slowly toward the door, looking around. SPIKE: Whatever beastie you are, I know you're here. And I hurt beasties. Invisible Buffy's POV: moving past Spike from behind, looking down toward his butt and then onward. Spike jumps as if something had grabbed his butt. SPIKE: Hey, watch it. The noise of the TV suddenly stops as the TV switches off. Spike sighs in irritation. SPIKE: A ghost, is it? (looking around) Go and haunt the living, like a good spook. The camera moves slowly around him as he looks around, confused. Suddenly something grabs his shoulder. He tries to grab it and is spun around by his arm, slammed up against a wall. He gasps, tries to move forward but is shoved against the wall again. His shirt rips open. He looks down at his bare chest. Close on Spike's face as he frowns in confusion, then gives a little gasp of pleasure, continues frowning. SPIKE: (tentatively) Buffy? INVISIBLE BUFFY: I told you ... stop trying to see me. She pulls Spike away from the wall suddenly. Cut to the magic shop. Anya and Xander sit looking at books. The no-longer-invisible traffic cone sits on the table in front of them. ANYA: Oh, I got it! XANDER: Really? ANYA: Yeah, we'll put D'Hoffryn at your parents' table, and move your Uncle Rory to table five near the bar. XANDER: Ahn honey, we're looking for invisibility spells here. ANYA: Well, obviously I haven't found anything yet. At least nothing that would explain why things near Buffy become invisible. She reaches out to grab the traffic cone. It crumbles partly under her fingers. Anya makes a disgusted face. ANYA: Ew! Xander! She holds up her hand with traffic-cone residue on it. XANDER: What happened? ANYA: An unpleasant tactile experience, like putting my hand in pudding. Xander puts out his hand and crumbles another part of the cone. XANDER: Ew! ANYA: Like pudding, am I right? Rice, or tapioca, lumpy like that. XANDER: We have to find Buffy, she's gotta know. ANYA: (brushing off her hand) I don't think Buffy's gonna be too broken up over a pylon. XANDER: Anya, whatever's happening to the pylon will probably happen to her. If we don't find Buffy, I-I mean ... if we don't figure out how this was done... ANYA: She's pudding? They stare at each other. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the Geeks' lair. Warren is still working on the invisibility ray. JONATHAN: What do you mean she's gonna fade away? WARREN: The Slayer got slammed with a big-ass dose of radiation when the g*n overloaded. Her cells are mutating at an accelerated rate. Eventually her molecular makeup will start losing its integrity and then ... pfft. (makes a "pfft" gesture) ANDREW: But, wouldn't that k*ll her? WARREN: Well, lemme think. (sarcastic) Yeah! JONATHAN: Wait a minute! We're not k*lling anybody. Especially not Buffy! WARREN: (sighs) You guys are so immature! (angrily) We're villains! When are you gonna get that through your thick skulls? JONATHAN: We're not K*llers, we're crime lords! ANDREW: Yeah! Like, like Lex Luthor. (gesturing with a comic book) He's always trying to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't k*ll Superman! WARREN: Because it's Superman's book, you moron! ANDREW: But Lex doesn't k*ll him, does he?! Warren rolls his eyes in exasperation. Jonathan looks determined. JONATHAN: Listen, Warren ... (points forcefully at the g*n) you get that ray working and the first thing we're gonna do is find Buffy and re-visible her before it's too late! Warren stands up and towers over Jonathan, both staring each other down. JONATHAN: You got me?! WARREN: Fine. Warren glances at Andrew, sits back down with a small smirk. WARREN: Whatever you guys say. Warren picks up his tools and goes back to work. Andrew and Jonathan nod at each other. Cut to Spike's crypt. It's dark. Xander pushes the door open and enters. XANDER: Spike? Pan around the room. It's in disarray, various pieces of furniture lying overturned on the floor, etc. Xander looks around. Cut to the underground room. It's better lit with candles and a lamp. Xander enters. Sounds of heavy breathing, moaning. Pan across to the bed (Xander's POV). We see Spike on the bed half-covered with a sheet, moving around on top of what looks like empty air. XANDER: Spike? Spike turns his head in alarm to look at Xander. XANDER: What are you doing? SPIKE: What am I ... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I? Spike turns back to the bed and does a couple of what might look like push-ups if you didn't know better. We hear a small yelp from Invisible Buffy. XANDER: Exercising. (comes closer) Naked. In bed. Spike stops moving, stands up on the bed and wraps the sheet around his waist. SPIKE: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. Gotta keep fit for the k*lling. (sits on the edge of the bed) XANDER: (skeptical) Yuh-huh. Looks like you had a little trouble upstairs. (gestures with his head) Mini-disaster area. SPIKE: So what, you just come here to criticize my housekeeping? XANDER: No, uh, no. I'm looking for Buf- SPIKE: (quickly) Haven't seen her. XANDER: Well, uh, you wouldn't. The fact is, she's come down with a slight case of invisibility. SPIKE: (fake surprise) Yeah? How did, uh... Soft murmuring and kissing noises. XANDER: We don't know yet. Noises continue. Spike's ear wiggles. He jumps. XANDER: Anyway, she's not at the house, and I really, really need to find her. SPIKE: (fidgeting) Uh, tell you what, I'll ... take a peek around first chance I get... (makes swatting noises next to his head) and if we bump into each other, I'll clue her that you're on the lookout. (trying not to laugh) XANDER: (uncertain) After your ... (gestures) exercises. SPIKE: (more swatting) Yeah, right. Xander looks confused, but he turns to go. Then turns back. XANDER: You know, kidding aside, Spike ... you really should get a girlfriend. He leaves. Spike sighs, looks over his shoulder. SPIKE: That was bloody stupid. INVISIBLE BUFFY: What's the matter? Ashamed to be seen with me? Spike gets up, tossing the sheet aside. It falls on top of Buffy, showing us the outline of her legs and hips. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Come on. He had no idea I was here. This is perfect. Spike goes to a side table, takes out a glass, bangs it down on the table. SPIKE: Perfect for you. (begins filling the glass from a bottle) INVISIBLE BUFFY: Well, picture me confused. (Spike shaking his head) I thought this was what you wanted. SPIKE: (annoyed sigh) What I want... He stares to the side for a moment, then looks over at the bed again. SPIKE: This vanishing act's right liberating for you, innit? Go anywhere you want. Do anything you want. (walks along the bed, holding the glass) Or anyone. INVISIBLE BUFFY: What are you talking ab- SPIKE: The only reason you're here, is that you're not here. (drinking) INVISIBLE BUFFY: Right. Of course, as usual there's something wrong with Buffy. She came back all wrong. (moving around on the bed) You know, I didn't ask for this to happen to me. SPIKE: Not too put off by it though, are you? (drinking) INVISIBLE BUFFY: No! Maybe because for the first time since ... I'm free. She tosses the sheet aside. Spike looks around, trying to figure out where she's going. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Free of rules and reports ... free of this life. SPIKE: Free of life? Got another name for that. d*ad. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Why do you always have to ... (pouty) I thought we were having fun. Invisible Buffy comes up to Spike and he grabs her by the shoulders, holds her away from him. SPIKE: Yeah, now! But sooner or later your chums are gonna work out a way to bring you back to living color. (lets her go) You need to go. Get dressed if you can find your clothes, and push off. 'Cause if I can't have all of you, I'd rather- Spike breaks off, looks down toward his waist. SPIKE: Okay, that's cheating. Cut to the coffee shop. Willow sits at a computer terminal drinking from a water bottle. She puts the bottle down and begins typing. sh*t of the computer screen, showing a web site labeled "Department of Motor Vehicles." A dialog box pops up saying "Warning, encrypted information!" with a status bar and a blinking "Searching." It fills up slowly. Willow fidgets, waiting. sh*t of the status bar moving along. sh*t of Willow tapping her fingers on the desk. She looks around, lifts one hand to touch the screen. Close sh*t of her eyes. Close sh*t of the screen. The search is almost finished. Willow pulls her hand back. The dialog box goes away, replaced with a screen labeled "Database, for Departmental Use Only." A list of names and addresses fills the screen. Willow looks relieved, picks up a notebook and pen, begins to copy information from the screen. Cut to close sh*t of an empty soda can lying on the street. It suddenly goes skittering down the street as if kicked. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I don't believe this. Wider sh*t of the street (residential area) with the can moving down it. Sound of Buffy's footsteps. The camera follows her (and the can) along the street. INVISIBLE BUFFY: He threw *me* out? He threw *me*. Did I, like, fall into some ... backward dimension here? Is this Bizarro World? (kicks the can again) And after he's always going on and on about being the only one that understands me. 'We're alike, you and me. Birds of a bloody feather.' Uh! He's so ... (annoyed sigh) Three people go by, talking. They pass the soda can. Suddenly two of them jerk apart as if something had shoved them. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Hey, I'm walking here! The people stare in confusion, then continue walking. Close sh*t of the soda can. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Insensitive! (kicks the can) That's what he is. Cut to exterior sh*t of the Summers house. Sound of Buffy's footsteps continues. It's dark (nighttime) and the house is lit up. Cut to the kitchen. The back door opens, closes. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Willow? Willow! (walks further into the kitchen) Dawn? Hey, Dawn, come here. You wanna see something neat? No reply. Invisible Buffy sighs. The camera pans over to the refrigerator. It opens, revealing various food items including a pizza box. The back door opens again and Dawn comes in, moving slowly and quietly. She looks around, sees that the kitchen appears empty. She closes the door very carefully, begins tiptoeing toward the hall. INVISIBLE BUFFY: There you are! Dawn jumps, looks over at the open fridge, looks all around. DAWN: Buffy? W-where are you? INVISIBLE BUFFY: I'm invisible. Check this out. The pizza box floats out of the fridge and swoops around in the air. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Wooo, wooo! Unidentified flying pizza, comin' in for a landing. Dawn stares in shock as the pizza comes to sit on the island and the box opens. DAWN: W-what are you talking- INVISIBLE BUFFY: Okay, not the most clever ad lib, but come on! Points for spontaneity. DAWN: (upset) Stop it! Just ... stop. (moving closer to the island) INVISIBLE BUFFY: Sorry Dawn. I'm, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to freak you out. DAWN: Well, what did you think would happen? You're freaking invisible, Buffy. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I know. Xander and Anya are working on it. Muldering out what happened. (moving around toward the stove) DAWN: Well, what about you? Shouldn't you be working on it? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Of course I- DAWN: Do you even care about, about who did this to you, or, or if you're gonna be stuck this way? You're making jokes and flying pizzas. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I don't think that's- DAWN: (upset) I can't talk to you like this. I can't see you! How can I talk to you if I can't see you? Dawn brushes past Invisible Buffy and runs down the hall to the stairs. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Dawn! Dawn! Invisible Buffy's POV turns from Dawn to the kitchen counter and notices that the answering machine is blinking. Zoom in on it. It flashes the number 01. Invisible Buffy pushes the button and the machine begins to rewind. XANDER: (on machine) Buffy, it's Xander. Where are you? Listen ... we got a new problem here. ANYA: (on machine) Tell her! XANDER: (on machine) I'm trying to. Anya and I think whatever made you invisible is slowly k*lling you. ANYA: (on machine) Tell her about the pudding! XANDER: (on machine) Anya! Buff, if we don't ... if this isn't reversed, you're gonna ... well, dissolve, or ... fade ... into nothing. The machine beeps and turns off. Pan over to the empty air where Invisible Buffy is standing. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Wow. Cut to a dark residential street. Willow walks along, pauses, looks at a house and then at a piece of paper in her hand. We see the Geek Trio's van in a driveway, partially covered by a tarp. Willow looks around, walks toward the van. She goes up to it, looks around again, walks between the van and the house. Cut to the Geeks' lair. Willow opens the bulkhead door and peeks down the stairs. She goes slowly down the stairs and into the basement lair. She walks around, looking around. She spots a bulletin board with a large piece of paper tacked up. It's a blueprint or schematic of the invisibility ray, conveniently labeled with the words "Invisibility Ray!" at the top. Willow walks over to it, studies the diagram. She smiles, looks at the table next to her, which has more blueprints on it. Turns and walks across to the workbench, where the invisibility ray is still sitting. Willow takes a swivel-lamp and moves it over to shed more light on the invisibility ray. She lifts her hand as if to touch it. WARREN: (OS) Now! Willow turns in surprise. Reveal a roll of silver duct-tape floating in the air a few feet away. Suddenly Willow's arms rise up as if they had been grabbed by invisible hands. She struggles. WILLOW: Hey! Let go of me! A piece of duct tape unrolls itself from the roll and rips free. It floats toward Willow. INVISIBLE WARREN: Congratulations. You're our first hostage. The duct tape moves toward Willow's mouth as she continues struggling. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the Summers house, foyer. The front door opens itself. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Dawn, I'm going out to find Xander. If he calls me- The phone begins to ring. The door closes. Invisible Buffy moves into the living room, picks up the phone. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Xander? JONATHAN: (on phone) Don't talk. Just listen, Slayer. You don't have a lot of time. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Who is this? You sound familiar. JONATHAN: (disguising his voice) I'm ... nobody. No one you know. We've got your friend Willow, and if you don't want anything nasty to happen to her, you better meet us. Alone. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Where? Cut to a video-game arcade. Various kids playing various games, lots of noise. Pan over to reveal a guy taking tickets by a turnstile. The turnstile turns on its own, and he looks confused. The camera follows the invisible person into the arcade. A few kids get shoved aside and go "Hey!" We move further into the arcade and discover Willow standing by a pinball machine, looking nervous. INVISIBLE WARREN: Just stay still, and you won't get hurt. INVISIBLE BUFFY: You okay, Will? WILLOW: Buffy? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Where are the bad guys? INVISIBLE WARREN: All around you, Slayer, so don't try anything. WILLOW: He's bluffing, Buffy, there, there's just three of them, I think. INVISIBLE WARREN: More than enough to cause some serious carnage, right guys? ... Guys? Guys! sh*t of a video game with the joysticks moving on their own. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Kick! Use the kick! INVISIBLE ANDREW: I tried that, he keeps blocking it with his drunken monkey fist! INVISIBLE BUFFY: Ooh, scary video carnage. INVISIBLE WARREN: Hey! Slayer's here. INVISIBLE ANDREW: Sorry, didn't see her. The camera follows Invisible Andrew and Jonathan as they abandon their game to rejoin the group. INVISIBLE WARREN: Why don't we continue this in a less crowded area, like, over there. Willow looks confused. ALL: Where? INVISIBLE WARREN: Over ... follow me. We see the invisibility ray floating in the air where Invisible Warren is. He grabs Willow's arm with his other invisible hand and pulls her away. She grimaces. WILLOW: Ow! They move over to a quieter corner next to an air-hockey game. Willow starts as someone grabs her other arm. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you guys are the ones who did this to me? INVISIBLE JONATHAN: It was an accident! INVISIBLE BUFFY: Who's that? INVISIBLE JONATHAN: (disguised voice) Nobody you know. WILLOW: They're the ones from your mystery van. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Oh. You. So what annoying thing are you gonna do to me now? INVISIBLE WARREN: Save your life, make you visible. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Right. I'm supposed to believe that? WILLOW: They told me everything, Buffy. Something's happening to you that, you're- INVISIBLE BUFFY: Fading away. I know. INVISIBLE WARREN: I can fix that. The invisibility ray lifts up and begins its preparatory whirring. INVISIBLE WARREN: Pick up that air hockey mallet on the table. INVISIBLE BUFFY: What for? INVISIBLE WARREN: It'll give me a target to aim at. (Willow looking at the invisibility ray) The air-hockey mallet floats up into the air. The whirring continues. INVISIBLE WARREN: Okay, now hold still, and all your troubles will soon be gone. WILLOW: You're on the wrong setting! INVISIBLE WARREN: What? WILLOW: The g*n, it's not set for reversing the particle ionization. It'll accelerate her molecular dissolution, I saw the plans! INVISIBLE WARREN: Mind your own business. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: What's she talking about? INVISIBLE BUFFY: That's what I'd like to know. WILLOW: Buffy, he's trying to k*ll you! The invisibility ray g*n hits Willow in the face. She falls down. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Willow! The air-hockey mallet flies through the air and hits Invisible Warren. INVISIBLE WARREN: Ow! The invisibility ray falls to the floor. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Okay, play time's over. INVISIBLE WARREN: You haven't won yet, Slayer. INVISIBLE BUFFY: No, that part comes after I b*at the snot out of you. Throughout the whole exchange, the camera moves around as if following the various characters but really all we see is empty air. INVISIBLE WARREN: You'll have to find me first! There's three of us, against just one of you. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Hey, you lied to us! INVISIBLE ANDREW: Fight her yourself! INVISIBLE WARREN: (angrily) Think she cares about that? I go down, we all go down! INVISIBLE BUFFY: And I promise, you're all going down. INVISIBLE WARREN: We may not have your powers, Slayer, but you'll find that we are not so easy to- (another air-hockey mallet hits him) Ow! Get her! Fighting noises begin -- punches, grunts, etc. The camera swings around crazily as if following the action. Kids in the arcade look over in confusion at the noises. sh*t of Willow still lying on the floor, sitting up with a pained expression. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Wait a minute, wait a minute! Who's biting my leg? INVISIBLE ANDREW: Sorry! Where is she? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Here. Fight noises continue. A pinball machine shatters as if an invisible person had been thrown onto it. Kids scream and begin to run for the exit. Willow notices the invisibility ray under another pinball machine. She crawls over to get it. INVISIBLE WARREN: She can't find us if we split up. Willow picks up the ray g*n and fiddles with it. INVISIBLE WARREN: You go that way. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Which way? INVISIBLE WARREN: That way! Over- Punch noise. An invisible person goes flying into a room-sized container of plastic balls. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Just keep talking, boys. Willow gets to her feet, fiddling with the invisibility ray. Punching noises continue. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Ow! Watch the chest hair! INVISIBLE BUFFY: I know that voice. You-you're- Willow aims the ray at the voices and fires. Buffy and Jonathan become visible. Buffy is holding Jonathan up by the front of his shirt. BUFFY: Jonathan?! She lets him go and he falls to the floor. BUFFY: You have chest hair? Willow fires at the plastic-ball-room. Warren appears. BUFFY: Warren? Warren glares. Willow fires at the smashed pinball machine. Andrew appears. BUFFY: (frowns) Who are you? ANDREW: Andrew. Buffy shrugs and shakes her head to show her lack of recognition. ANDREW: I summoned the flying monkeys that att*cked the high school? Willow and Buffy exchange a confused look. Warren climbs out of the plastic balls. Jonathan gets up and helps Andrew down from the pinball machine. ANDREW: During the school play, you know? WARREN: It's Tucker's brother. JONATHAN: Yeah, it's Tucker's brother. BUFFY/WILLOW: Ohh. The Geek Trio stands side-by-side. Willow moves over to stand beside Buffy. BUFFY: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? WARREN: (walking sideways with the other two following him) We're your arch-nemesises ... ses. (Buffy and Willow looking confused) You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time ... um ... uh, next time... JONATHAN: Maybe not! Jonathan throws something down in front of the Trio. It bursts into smoke and sparks (see episode "Life Serial"). Behind cover of the smoke we can see (but Buffy and Willow can't) the Trio running off. Buffy and Willow cough, wave the smoke away. WARREN: (OS) What do you mean, it's locked? You were supposed to check it! ANDREW: (OS) I forgot! The smoke clears to reveal the Trio standing by the back door looking sheepish. BUFFY: I give you my arch nemesises...ses. (frowns) A security guard comes up behind Buffy and Willow. GUARD: What's going on in here? (Buffy and Willow turn to look at him) I got a bunch of scared kids saying this place is haunted! Sound of a door opening. Buffy turns back to see the back-door closing behind the escaping Trio. Buffy sighs and looks irritated. WILLOW: (surprised) Oh my god, Buffy! BUFFY: (pouting) I know, they're gone. I guess we should chase them. WILLOW: No, your hair! (smiles) It *is* adorable. Buffy looks surprised, puts up her hand to feel her hair, gives a rueful smile. Cut to Buffy and Willow exiting the arcade. Willow still carries the invisibility ray. BUFFY: Pretty neat, you finding the van. (they begin walking down the street) So ... how did you manage to ... do it exactly? I mean, to locate it? WILLOW: The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off, (grimaces, whines) my-feet-are-k*lling-me way. Willow sighs, makes a pained face, sits down on the edge of the curb. Buffy sits beside her. WILLOW: I don't know how I got through this day. BUFFY: Well, the important thing is that you did. It's a ... good first step. WILLOW: How are you doing, post-invisibleness? BUFFY: (shrugs) Okay. I still have to do some damage control from my giddy-fest. Dawn was pretty freaked out. (pauses) The whole taking-a-vacation-from-me thing didn't work out so well. WILLOW: (nods) Tell me about it. BUFFY: Except ... when I got Xander's message ... you know, that I was ... fading away ... I actually got scared. WILLOW: Well, yeah. Who wouldn't? BUFFY: Me. I wouldn't. Not too long ago I probably would have welcomed it. But I realized ... I'm not saying that I'm doing back-flips about my life, but... (nods) I didn't ... I don't ... wanna die. (looks hopefully at Willow) That's something, right? WILLOW: It's something. Longer sh*t of the two of them sitting there side-by-side on the curb, looking morose. WILLOW: So I guess we both made good first steps. BUFFY: I guess. WILLOW: Yay for us. BUFFY: Yay. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x11 - Gone"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously... Buffy and Spike up against the wall in "Smashed." SPIKE: You never had it so good as me. Buffy and Spike in the wrecked building BUFFY: If you tell anyone about last night, I will k*ll you. Buffy and Willow in the arcade in "Gone" BUFFY: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? WARREN: We're your arch-nemesises ... ses. You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time... JONATHAN: Maybe not! Jonathan throwing down the smoke-b*mb. The Geek Trio escaping. Willow de-ratting Amy. BUFFY: Amy? How've you been? AMY: Rat. You? BUFFY: d*ad. AMY: Oh. WILLOW: It's nice, having another magically-inclined friend around. Willow and Amy on the Bronze balcony in "Smashed" AMY: It's way too early to go home yet. Willow and Amy walking down the street. AMY: So what do you wanna do? I have a better idea. WILLOW: Is it dangerous? Willow and Dawn in Rack's place. WILLOW: Let's get outta here. Dawn in the car screaming. The car crashing. Spike and Buffy leading Dawn away. WILLOW: Dawnie, I'm sorry, I'm so- Dawn slapping Willow. BUFFY: You could have k*lled her. WILLOW: I need help! Willow and Buffy in the bedroom. WILLOW: No more spells. I'm finished. The Scooby g*ng in the kitchen. WILLOW: There's some money stuff we're gonna have to talk to you about. BUFFY: So you're telling me I'm broke? GILES: How bad is it? BUFFY: Anya says pretty bad. GILES: Buffy ... some discussion, about, um ... wha-what you're going to do now. BUFFY: Oh. I've been giving that a lot of thought actually. And I think I've figured it out. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of the Summers house, day. Cut to the living room. Xander walks in from the kitchen, carrying a bowl of popcorn. XANDER: Now I get Warren being the supervillainy type, but I thought Jonathan completely learned that lesson. I never even heard of this other guy. Xander sits on the sofa beside Anya, puts the popcorn on the coffee table. Willow is sitting in a chair opposite the sofa. WILLOW: You should have seen their headquarters. It was like the nerd natural habitat. ANYA: Well, if we know where they are, shouldn't we do something? WILLOW: We tried. Buffy was gonna go in there and bust them on the spot. XANDER: I'm sensing a 'not so completely.' WILLOW: Yeah, well, she went in, and then- ANYA: Speaking of Buffy, isn't she ready? She's gonna be late for her first day. WILLOW: Hey, respect the narrative flow much? ANYA: Please continue the story of failure. WILLOW: So, Buffy went in, but they'd cleared out. And she brought back the stuff that they left... (Xander listening, eating popcorn) ... spell books, some parchments, (smiling) a couple of rare things, charmed objects, and a conjurer's harp... Willow trails off, looking a little wistful. Xander and Anya look at her with concern. WILLOW: (snaps out of it) A-and they had other stuff, you know, Razor scooters, and pictures of the Vulcan woman on "Enterprise." XANDER: Ooh! (chuckles, rubs his hands together, then sees Anya's expression) I mean ... nerds. ANYA: Okay. See, this is why demons are better than people. WILLOW: Interesting turn. ANYA: When I was a vengeance demon, I caused pain and mayhem, certainly. But I put in a full day's work doing it, and I got compensated appropriately. XANDER: Welcome to today's episode of 'Go Money Go!' I hear it daily. WILLOW: Yep, for the rest of your life. Xander looks dismayed, continues to contemplate that as Anya continues talking. ANYA: But supervillains ... want reward without labor, to make things come easy. (lecturing) It's wrong. Without labor there can be no payment, and vice versa. (sh*t of Willow listening intently) The country cannot progress. The workers are the tools that shape America. BUFFY: (OS) Good to know. The others look over. Reveal Buffy standing in the doorway, wearing red pants, a red-and-white striped shirt, and a hat with a stuffed animal head on top. BUFFY: I was kinda feelin' like a tool. The others stare. BUFFY: And now I know why. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Elizabeth Anne Allen, Pat Crawford Brown, Brent Hinkley, Kirsten Nelson, and Kali Rocha. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by Nick Marck. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a 1950s-style commercial. Sepia-toned picture of the exterior of a fast-food restaurant with cars driving past. NARRATOR: You've seen us in your city or small town across the American West... Picture of the interior of the restaurant with booths and hanging plants. NARRATOR: ...you've ordered our delicious food... Sepia picture of a smiling man in a white shirt and black bowtie, giving a thumbs-up. NARRATOR: ...from our happy employees! Reveal Buffy sitting in a small room watching this on a television. She wears a small blue pin reading "Buffy Summers, trainee." NARRATOR: But now you're seeing it all from a different way, you're seeing it from behind the counter! Picture of a smiling woman ordering food from a smiling employee. This picture starts off sepia-toned and then fades to natural color. NARRATOR: ...because you've just become part of the DoubleMeat experience! sh*t of a geeky teenage boy in the red-and-white striped uniform, holding a tray covered with paper-wrapped burgers. BOY: I'm part of it! sh*t of a young woman wearing the uniform, holding a tray. WOMAN: I'm part of it! sh*t of an older man wearing the uniform. MAN: I'm a part of it too! Star-cut to a sh*t of a farm. A picture of a cow appears in front of it. NARRATOR: This cow... (cow moos) and this chicken... (chicken appears beside the cow, and squawks) ...don't know it yet, but they're destined to become part of it as well! So what happens when a cow and a chicken come together? The pictures of the cow and the chicken swirl together and become a sandwich. NARRATOR: Why, that's a DoubleMeat Medley! Let's take a look now at the process of harvesting these two special meats. Close sh*t of a row of cows' rear ends. Cut to sh*t of Buffy watching. Sounds of frantic mooing and squawking, as well as thumping noises. Buffy makes a disgusted face. BUFFY: Holy crap! Fade to later. The video is still going. Now it shows a man in the uniform washing his hands. NARRATOR: ...washing your hands thoroughly after each visit to the restroom. The man takes a paper towel to dry his hands. Zoom in on the paper-towel dispenser bearing the words, "NOTICE: Employees must wash hands with soap before returning to work." NARRATOR: Follow these rules and you'll be a happy part of the DoubleMeat family for a long time! The picture changes to the DoubleMeat Palace logo, which is a creature that looks like a cross between a cow and a chicken. Buffy stares at the screen, looking dismayed. Behind her, a man in the red-striped uniform goes over to the wall and turns on the light. He turns to Buffy. He wears thick glasses with ugly black frames. He is Manny The Manager and this is his office. MANNY: Interesting, isn't it? BUFFY: (fake smile) Oh yes! Like how the cow and the chicken come together even though they've never met. It's like Sleepless in Seattle if, (Manny turning off the TV) if Meg and Tom were, like, minced. Buffy smiles at Manny. He is completely humorless. MANNY: I'm Manny the manager. It's not a joke, it's just my name. BUFFY: Right. Y-you mentioned that a couple of times when I filled out the application. MANNY: Why do you want to work here, Buffy? You seem like a sharp young woman, and there are a lot of other jobs. BUFFY: Well, I-I kinda need money pretty quickly, like, today, and, and so I didn't want to go through a lengthy interview process, and I figured this was probably the fastest... way... to... She pauses as she catches sight of Manny's stern face. BUFFY: Be...cause I ... wanted to be part of the DoubleMeat experience? Manny smiles and nods. MANNY: Come on, let's take a tour. Cut to the adjoining employee lounge. Manny leads Buffy over to a table where two men sit staring at nothing. A row of lockers is in the background. MANNY: Philip, Timothy, this is Buffy. She's going to work the counter. BUFFY: Hi. PHILIP: (to Manny) What happened to the other one? Catherine? MANNY: Emily? PHILIP: Yeah. TIMOTHY: She's gone. Weird horror-movie sh*t of Timothy from above, with Buffy in the background. Timothy continues staring blankly in front of him. BUFFY: What happened? TIMOTHY: Whatever always happens. Manny opens a locker labeled "Vacant." It's full of clothing. MANNY: (turns) You can use this one. BUFFY: Uh ... there's, there's someone's stuff in there. MANNY: They must have left it. You can toss it, or keep what you want. BUFFY: Sure they're not coming back? MANNY: We have a lot of turnover here. Manny starts to walk away as Buffy follows. He pauses, points at Philip and Timothy who are still staring vacantly. MANNY: Watch these two. (continues walking) BUFFY: (follows) Are they gonna do something? MANNY: They're solid. Follow their example and you won't go wrong. He stops walking next to a wall. MANNY: They're lifers. BUFFY: Lifers? MANNY: In it for life. Like me. You wanna get something out of this, Buffy? You'll do the same. You put the work in, and ten years from now, you'll be where I am. He points at his chest. Close sh*t on a round blue button pinned to his shirt with "10 Years" on it. MANNY: I promise you. Buffy doesn't look excited by the idea. Manny turns to the wall where a time clock is mounted next to a rack full of cards. He removes a card and inserts it into the clock, then removes it and hands it to Buffy. MANNY: Congratulations. You're on the clock. Buffy looks at her time-card, still not thrilled. Cut to the kitchen. Various employees wearing the red-and-white striped uniform are moving around preparing food. Manny and Buffy enter. MANNY: This is the kitchen. The beating heart of the DoubleMeat Palace. Buffy looks around, spots a young woman using a Hobart to slice some sort of meat. The round slices fall into the hopper below. The woman stares vacantly ahead of her. Buffy walks closer. BUFFY: Wow. They're all so ... identical. MANNY: Yeah. They all start to look the same to me too. BUFFY: Oh, no, not the employees, the, the chicken slices. Zoom in slowly on the bottom of the Hobart as the chicken slices continue to fall out, one by one. Zoom in slowly on Buffy's face as she stares at it, mesmerized. Zoom in closer on the chicken slices. Buffy snaps out of it as we hear a man's voice in the background. MAN: Uh yeah, Medley meal number 2, uh, double-size it... MANNY: (pointing) Drive-through station's over there. High pressure job, you won't need to go in there. (pointing around) Over there's the grills, the fryers, the walk-in freezer... Buffy looks in the direction he indicated the freezer. She begins to walk that way. MANNY: (alarmed) You don't need to go in there either! (follows her) Buffy goes over to a filing cabinet. On top of it is a large plastic jug marked "Dehydrated Pickles." MANNY: That's the dehydrated pickle storage. (Buffy trying to open the filing cabinet) Those are locked! Buffy looks at him. MANNY: Now I want to show you this. He turns and walks off. Buffy follows. Manny leads her to a rack where a lot of paper-wrapped sandwiches are sitting. He picks one up and begins to unwrap it. MANNY: Look. The DoubleMeat Medley. He unwraps it with a flourish, revealing a perfect-looking sandwich in a hamburger bun with lettuce, tomato, etc. BUFFY: Oh, I know the Medley! It's just, uh, the video was ... kind of graphic, with the slaughter. (wrinkling her nose) MANNY: (gesturing at the sandwich with his other hand) The classic double-decker with a twist. A pure beefy patty above the mid-bun ... and a slice of processed chicken product below the mid-bun. Plus pickles, and the secret ingredient. (holds it out toward Buffy) Eat it. BUFFY: Oh, you know, I had a-a big breakfast. I'll just wait for... Manny holds it out and gives her a look. Buffy inhales deeply and gives a fake smile. BUFFY: Uh ... but it smells so good. She takes the sandwich in both hands and takes a bite. BUFFY: Mm. (mouth full) So, what *is* your secret ingredient? MANNY: It's a meat process. Buffy looks uncertain, swallows hard. MANNY: Now I think it's time to start earning your money, don't you, Buffy? BUFFY: (smiling nervously) Mm-hmm. Cut to the counter. Buffy stands beside a tall young man who is working the cash register. BUFFY: So ... what's the deal with Manny the manager? If I ask him really nice can I write a children's book called that? GARY: (hands her an empty paper cup) Fill this while I get the fries. (turns away) BUFFY: (looking at cup) Fill this? I didn't know there was gonna be drug testing on this job. GARY: (laughs) You're funny. (stops smiling) You better stop that. BUFFY: (filling the cup at a soda dispenser) Why? GARY: Productivity. One of Manny's watch-words. 'Levity is the time-thief that picks the pocket of the company.' BUFFY: I prefer the one that goes, 'Manny's a humorless dolt who picks the pocket of he-should-bite-me.' GARY: (sighs) You really need to be quiet with that. Gary picks up the tray with the fries and soda and hands it to the customer. GARY: Here you go. CUSTOMER: Thanks. The customer leaves and another customer comes up, an elderly lady wearing a bushy gray wig. WIG LADY: I'd like a small coffee, and cherry pie. sh*t of the cash register as Gary pushes buttons. The buttons all have pictures of food on them. GARY: That's a dollar ninety-two, ma'am. BUFFY: (staring) You h*t so many buttons, it's like, button-palooza. GARY: No, it's easy, I - look. The old lady is digging money out of her purse as Gary shows Buffy the buttons. GARY: There are little pictures of the food on the buttons. (sh*t of his finger pointing at the buttons) I h*t the coffee button, then I h*t the small button. And then cherry pie. There's a picture of a little fried pie. BUFFY: Uh-huh. The old lady hands over her money. GARY: Then, I h*t the total button... (putting the money away) I put the money in the drawer, I close it, and it resets the system. A cocker spaniel could do it. (looks at the customers) Here, why don't you take the next one, the family? They're regulars. Gary moves away. Buffy moves behind the cash register. BUFFY: (to wig lady) Hi. I'm new. WIG LADY: (smiling) I come here every day. BUFFY: (smiling) That's nice. WIG LADY: Oh, you really might make it, dear. Not like some of them, where suddenly you never see them again. I can see you here a long time. BUFFY: (fake smile) That's great. Gary returns with the food. WIG LADY: Thank you. She takes it and moves away. The family moves up: father, mother, and three kids. BUFFY: Hi. Welcome to the DoubleMeat Palace, may I help you? FATHER: Yeah. We need two Number Four Medley Meals, a junior Medley, a Fisherman's Medley with bacon, and a kid's meal. Plus three fries, a chocolatey shake, and extra pickles on one of the Medleys. Spooky music. Buffy looks at the cash register in alarm. Zoom in on the cash register with its bewildering array of buttons. Zoom in on Buffy's anxious face. Pan across the row of buttons. Buffy stares at the buttons, then looks at the customer. BUFFY: Excuse me. Um, this button. (pointing) Does it look chocolatey to you? Cut to later. Pan across the interior of the restaurant with various people sitting in the plastic booths eating. Buffy sits at one of the booths, alone, eating a Medley. She sighs. Fade to later. Buffy walks slowly through the kitchen area and over to the freezer door, looking around. No one else is visible. She opens the freezer door. Inside the walk-in freezer we see a tall rack of shelves laden with boxes of frozen meat(?). Buffy closes the door, revealing Manny watching her. She jumps. MANNY: You don't need to be in there. BUFFY: (nervous) Sorry. I was just curious. MANNY: Curiosity k*lled the cat. (moves away) BUFFY: (to herself) Theory number five. Cat burgers. Cut to later. Pan across several employees mechanically doing their jobs. Buffy is working the counter. A couple of customers move aside, revealing Anya and Dawn. DAWN: (smiling) Hey Buffy! ANYA: We're here to support your subsistence-level employment. Bravo. We see Xander and Willow are there as well. BUFFY: (smiling) Thank you. This is cool of you guys. XANDER: So, Buff, how's it going? BUFFY: I don't know. I-I've waitressed before, but ... this is different. DAWN: (frowns) Uh, when have you waitressed? BUFFY: That summer in L.A. It was a diner, and ... we had, you know, lots of people who didn't tip, (Willow playing with the straws in the straw dispenser) and funny funny health code violations ... but ... it, it wasn't like it is here. (quietly) I think there's something wrong, here. W-Will, are you okay? WILLOW: Uh, sorry, I, uh... (puts the straws back) Yeah, uh ... something's wrong? The Scoobies lean closer to hear Buffy. BUFFY: There's, there's this manager, right, and he's all scary and mysterious, you know? And then there's the secret ingredient. And, (even quieter) and the people that work here? They're, they're kind of strange, you know? They just ... just stare into space ... plus they disappear. ANYA: Disappear poof? BUFFY: No, not poof. Well, I don't think so. XANDER: It's fast food. I have swum these murky waters, my friend. There's the assorted creepiness, there's staring, there's the enthusiastic not showing up at all. I think you're seeing demons where there's just life. BUFFY: I, I didn't say demons. It's just a vibe. I mean, you guys still haven't seen this manager. ANYA: Well, isn't that him over there, getting the pickles wet? Long sh*t of Manny doing something with the jug of dehydrated pickles. XANDER: Yeah, with the saddle shoes... (close sh*t on Manny's feet) WILLOW: ...and the glasses? BUFFY: I don't know. Maybe it's just the video that's freakin' me out. (wrinkling her nose) With the cow, and the chicken, all swirly together. (Willow making an "ew" face) XANDER: Mm, make me hungry, why don't you? (looking up at the menu board) How's about one of those delicious Medley Meals? BUFFY: Okay, you got it. On me. (moves away) XANDER: Hey, thanks! (to the others) See, I think she'll be fine once she settles into the routine. And by ordering, I'm helping. DAWN: And getting a free meal? XANDER: Well, yeah. ANYA: Well, if you like the food here, honey, maybe we should get it for the reception. DAWN: You're serving burgers? (Anya nods) Cool! ANYA: Well, time is running very short. After Willow gave us the 'whoosh' engagement party, I got slack on the planning 'cause I figured she'd help, but, well, now that's all been blown to hell. WILLOW: Hey, standing right here! Standing right exactly here. ANYA: Sorry. Didn't mean to tempt you. Willow and Xander roll their eyes. ANYA: (whispers to Dawn) Everyone's so delicate. (normal voice) Anyway, I still have to select the bridesmaids' dresses, and, well, then there are the guests from out of town and the ones from the demon realm -- you wouldn't believe how many of them have yet to let us know either way. Buffy returns with a tray. BUFFY: There you go, and I double-sized it for ya. XANDER: Oh, thank you! Xander unwraps the burger and takes a big bite. BUFFY: And cut way back on the cat. XANDER: (mouth full) Cat?! BUFFY: Just kidding. (Xander gives a sarcastic laugh) Probably. Cut to later. Exterior sh*t of the DoubleMeat Palace, night. Cut to inside. There are a few customers sitting and eating. Gary is clearing trash off the tables. Buffy is leaning on the cash register looking bored. Behind her we see an older woman employee just standing and staring into space. BUFFY: (to herself) Sloooow night. Buffy looks over at the woman, sighs, walks over and tugs the woman's sleeve. BUFFY: Gina. Gina slowly turns to Buffy -- not her head, but her entire body turns. Her expression is still blank. Buffy waves a hand in front of her face. BUFFY: (taking off her cap) Since it's slow, do you think they'll mind if I take another break? GINA: We're not allowed. Downtime robs us all. BUFFY: Mm, thus quoth Manny. There's no one here. GINA: Sure there is. (indicating the counter) Look. Buffy frowns, turns. Reveal Spike standing by the counter, examining the menu board above. BUFFY: This'll make my day complete. (sighs, walks over to the cash register) What? SPIKE: What's in the DoubleMeat nuggets? BUFFY: I'm working. Go away. SPIKE: Yeah, and you chose to be in the consumer service profession, and I'm a consumer. (smirking) Service me. BUFFY: (not amused) Order something or go. SPIKE: (sighs) Give a bloke a chance for his eyes to adjust. Damn fluorescent lights. Makes me look d*ad. Buffy just makes an annoyed face. SPIKE: Some demons love 'em. The way they vibrate makes the skin twitch. That the kinda demon you are, luv? BUFFY: I am not a demon. I don't know why you can h*t me, but (firmly) I am not a demon. SPIKE: Oh. I see. That why you took this job? Prove something to yourself? A normal job for a normal girl? (shakes his head) Good way to drive yourself crazy, that is. BUFFY: (shrugs) I'll be fine. Spike leans forward, puts his hands on the counter. SPIKE: Buffy. She just stares at him. SPIKE: You're not happy here. BUFFY: (quietly) Please don't make this harder. SPIKE: You don't belong here. You're something ... you're better than this. BUFFY: I need the money. SPIKE: I can get money. (gestures with his head) Walk with me now, come on. BUFFY: I ... I need to go help Gary with the fries. She turns to go but Spike grabs her arm. SPIKE: You gotta get outta here, this place'll do stuff to you. Buffy pulls free and walks away. SPIKE: This place'll k*ll you! Cut to the alley behind the DoubleMeat Palace. Camera angle from the point of view of someone hiding behind some trash cans. We see Gary come out the back door and begin doing something with the trash. He hears a noise, looks around, toward the camera. GARY: Someone there? Camera angle moves up as from the POV of someone coming out from hiding. Gary's face shows recognition. GARY: Oh, hi, what are you doing? What, what- Camera angle moves closer as Gary suddenly begins to scream. Close sh*t of his cap falling to the ground as screaming continues. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of the DoubleMeat Palace, day. Cut to inside. Close sh*t on the time clock reading 9:00. We see Buffy standing behind Timothy as he punches in. BUFFY: (sighs) Feels like I just left, you know? Timothy turns slowly to look at her. TIMOTHY: You came back. (punches his card) BUFFY: (not thrilled) I came back. Timothy moves away. Buffy takes down her time-card and punches it. She goes to walk off and finds Manny standing there. She jumps and gasps. MANNY: Gary's gone. BUFFY: Gary. Oh, the guy that helped me out at the counter yesterday? MANNY: He didn't show up this morning. BUFFY: Well, shift's just starting. MANNY: He was supposed to unlock early this morning. Didn't show. Pull his card. BUFFY: (frowns) Well, I'm, I'm sure, you know, he's just late. (removes Gary's card from the rack) He didn't seem like he was leaving. MANNY: I'm moving Timothy to counter. You're on grill. BUFFY: Me? MANNY: I've been watching you. BUFFY: B-but I-I don't know how to grill. MANNY: (smiling) Just think. This is the last day you'll ever be able to say that. Buffy looks displeased. She walks past him. Cut to the grill. Buffy stands beside it as Philip is explaining how it works. PHILIP: You put the beef on the grill, you h*t the button, then it beeps. You flip the beef, h*t the other button, then it beeps. You put it on the bun... (pauses, thinking) There's not a button for that. BUFFY: Repeat until insane. Close sh*t on the grill as Philip puts meat patties on it. PHILIP: It eliminates variation. (pushes button) Every burger at every DoubleMeat Palace is the same. (Buffy looking at him) People don't like variation. BUFFY: Got it. Variety is the spice of bad. PHILIP: Mm. Philip has his arms crossed, staring at the meat. Steam rises as the meat cooks. BUFFY: So ... what's the secret ingredient? PHILIP: (not taking his eyes off the grill) It's a meat process. BUFFY: Well, what does that mean? PHILIP: It's a process, they do it to the meat. BUFFY: But, what *is* it? PHILIP: It's just the name of the process. BUFFY: (giving up) Oh. Yeah. The grill beeps. Philip picks up a metal spatula and gives it to Buffy. BUFFY: So, I ... guess we're gonna get ... kinda greasy, huh? PHILIP: Mm. Close sh*t on the grill as Buffy flips the burgers over. PHILIP: Skin ... hair ... eyelashes ... nostrils... Buffy makes a disgusted face. PHILIP: ...inside your ears... (looks at Buffy) You wanna look inside my ears? BUFFY: (very disgusted) No. No, that's okay. PHILIP: Once I noticed I couldn't hear and went to the doctor. He said it was grease ... that made a plug. BUFFY: (ew) Ohh. PHILIP: Mm. They gave me a kit. Kit for cleaning my ears. (smiling) It's got this little bulb mechanism. BUFFY: (fake smile) Imagine that. Philip laughs, and Buffy tries to laugh too. MANNY: (OS) Buffy? BUFFY: Yay! It's Manny! Relieved, she puts down her hat and goes over to Manny. MANNY: You're working a double shift. BUFFY: What? A...nother eight hours? Right after these eight hours? But that's ... (whining) so many hours. MANNY: You get paid for it. Plus an extra free DoubleMeat Medley. BUFFY: (pouting) What happened? Why the double shiftiness? MANNY: Gary didn't show. And now one of my grinder guys is late too. BUFFY: But they could still show up, right? I mean, they could be anywhere. Suddenly a huge bag of meat is slammed down onto the table beside Buffy. She makes a face. We see it was Timothy who just arrived with the meat. TIMOTHY: Your meat's here. Cut to: Xander's apartment. Xander sits on the sofa, talking on the phone. XANDER: Yeah, okay, bye. (hangs up, yells) Ahn, that was Buffy, she's working late, so I might have to go- yah! Xander turns to see a woman standing in the middle of the room. She wears a long cape over a purple blouse and gray pants. Her face is all mottled and veiny (like Anya's in episode "The Wish"). Smoke or mist surrounds her. She holds out her arms. HALFREK: (deep resonant voice) I have been called, and vengeance shall I wreak. (points at Xander) Cower, masculine one ... tremble as you face my wrath! Anya enters from the other room, holding pen and paper. ANYA: Xander, I'm starting to think that maybe we should do a pot-luck thing. XANDER: Honey? Anya turns to see where he's looking. She gasps. HALFREK: (resonant voice) Hello. I am here to tear this man apart. (Anya smiling happily) How many pieces do you wish? ANYA: Halfrek! HALFREK: (normal woman's voice) Anyanka? Oh my god! Both women squeal and giggle and hug. ANYA: How are you, how are you? XANDER: You two ... you know each other? ANYA: Funny, Halfrek, I didn't summon you to k*ll Xander, I called to invite you to our wedding. HALFREK: Y- Oh my ... what an embarrassing mistake! (Anya shows her the engagement ring) Oh my god, gorgeous! They continue giggling. Xander stands up slowly. XANDER: Wow, um, you two clearly have some catching up to do. So I'll, uh ... (gestures) I'll not be in the apartment. They watch him leave. ANYA: Gosh, it's swell to see you again, Hallie, I didn't mean to have you materialize all the way here, I mean, not-not till the ceremony, I mean. HALFREK: I guess I got the message garbled. (laughs) You know how it is, half the time I have no idea if I'm maiming the right guy. She giggles. Anya nods. They both look in the direction Xander went. HALFREK: So, um ... you're marrying that man with the large upper arms? ANYA: (smiling) Yes. HALFREK: Why? ANYA: Well, because I love him. HALFREK: Hmm. ANYA: Oh, we're gonna be very happy together. HALFREK: Hmm. ANYA: What? Cut to the restaurant. Buffy lowers a basket of uncooked french fries into the vat of hot oil. It begins to bubble and sizzle. Creepy horror-movie music. Buffy looks at another basket which is sitting above the oil. The oil underneath it bubbles wildly. TIMOTHY: (OS) It's boiling with nothing in it. Sometimes it does that. sh*t of Timothy and Buffy standing side-by-side staring mesmerized at the boiling oil. TIMOTHY: They say bugs fall in there. (pause) Oh, I'm back. You can go on your break now. Buffy snaps out of it, turns to walk away. She catches sight of the window and stops. Reveal Spike walking past outside the window, looking in at her. He stops walking to look at her. Buffy takes off her cap and runs her hand through her hair, looking at Spike. Spike resumes walking. Cut to the alley. Buffy stands leaning her back against the wall as Spike stands pressed up against her with his hands on the wall beside her shoulders. Buffy has her hands on his upper arms. Spike is moving rhythmically against her (we see them only from the waist up). He moves his head as if to kiss her but she turns her face away. Spike continues to move as Buffy stares blankly off to the side. On the wall beside them hangs a poster with the word "Teamwork." Cut to Willow's bedroom. Willow lies on her stomach on the bed, marking a book with a yellow highlighter. The door is open. We hear knocking. WILLOW: Come in. Amy appears in the doorway. AMY: It's me. Dawn said I could come up. Willow looks surprised. Amy comes into the room. AMY: So, is she pissed at you too, or just me? (Willow doesn't reply) What did you tell her about me? Willow stops highlighting, takes a few deep breaths before looking up at Amy. WILLOW: D'you want something? (fidgeting nervously with her pen) AMY: Um ... yeah ... actually. I mean, I, I don't, don't know if you wanted to keep it, or... Amy looks to her left. sh*t of the cage she lived in when she was a rat. WILLOW: You want it? Really? AMY: Well, yeah, you know, I mean ... it's not much, but it's home. Or it was. I don't know, I guess it's stupid, but... WILLOW: No, i-it's not stupid. You can have it, of course. Amy pauses, then sits down on the bed beside Willow. AMY: Hey. So I hear you got this whole cold-turkey thing goin' on. (Willow nods) How's that going? WILLOW: It's good. It's really good. I mean, i-it was hard at first ... frustrating ... doing everything the slow way. It was like, 'is everything gonna take forever, forever?' AMY: (sympathetically) Yeah. WILLOW: (still fiddling with pen) But, uh, it's better now. I'm ... getting my focus back. AMY: Mm. I can see that. Amy indicates Willow's book. We see that Willow has highlighted all the text on the entire page. WILLOW: (defensively) It's a pivotal page. (sits up, closes book) AMY: So this is it, huh? This is ... gonna be your life from now on? WILLOW: What? (uncertainly) No. AMY: Well, you're never gonna do it again. Ever. (gets up) You're never gonna ... feel how it made you feel. Amy kneels to look at the rat cage. WILLOW: Don't think that's the way to look at it. AMY: Hey Will? It's your birthday. (stands up, picks up the cage) WILLOW: Um, no it isn't. But now that you mention it, Buffy's is coming... AMY: Potestas. (latin translation: "power" or "you have the power.") Blue light sh**t from Amy to Willow. Willow gets up quickly. Her eyes are all-black with magic, and little streams of blue magic crackle around her hands. WILLOW: What? (looking at her hands) Amy just watches. Willow stares at her hands, turns and touches a vase on the bedside table. The vase peels away in sections like a flower. She touches a lamp on the table and it sparkles and then disappears. WILLOW: (alarmed) Amy... AMY: (smiling) It's a gift. It's magic ... and it didn't come from you. It came from me. Completely legal. (pause) Enjoy. Amy leaves, carrying the cage. Willow stands there panting and looking anxiously at her hands. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the DoubleMeat Palace, night. Cut to inside. Close sh*t of ground meat extruding out of a grinder. Spooky hypnotic music. Close sh*t of Buffy watching. Overhead sh*t of the grinder with blades rotating and moving chunks of meat around with them. Close sh*t of the hopper with the ground meat oozing out into it. Suddenly Buffy crouches down and digs around in the ground meat with her hands. She finds a severed human finger, picks it up and looks at it. Cut to Manny's office. He is hanging up a framed poster reading "Dedication." Buffy rushes in holding the finger. BUFFY: Look! Look what I found under the meat grinder! MANNY: Oh my god. BUFFY: Wanna tell me what's going on? MANNY: I'm not sure. BUFFY: Try again. MANNY: (nervous) Well... there was an accident, maybe six weeks ago, a grinder incident. BUFFY: Right, but see, *this* isn't six weeks old. This, is new. MANNY: It is? Oh... well, maybe Gary did come in this morning, or, I don't know, late last night, maybe there was an accident. Got himself to the hospital. BUFFY: Right. Maybe he's in the hospital. (louder) Or maybe, he's in the grinder! Huh? Huh? Meat process, secret ingredient? Maybe, Gary's on the grill! Or maybe he's under the pickle chips! She turns and runs off. MANNY: Buffy. Buffy! He follows her. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy goes running through it and into the customer area. BUFFY: (yells) Stop! Stop! Everyone, you have to stop! Stop eating! She shoves a customer's tray so that it spills, grabs a burger from another customer's hand. We see the family from earlier. The little boys begin to cry as Buffy grabs their food away from them. BUFFY: No, you can't have this! It's not beef! It's people! She continues to run through the restaurant shoving customers' trays off their tables and similar. BUFFY: The DoubleMeat Medley is people! Manny and Timothy run over and grab her, begin hauling her back toward the kitchen. BUFFY: The meat layer is definitely people! It's people! It's people! Probably not the chickeny part. But who knows? Who! Knows! The people stare at her. The old woman from before pushes to the front, holding up a half-eaten pie. WIG LADY: What about the cherry pie? Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene as Manny and Timothy have managed to wrestle Buffy back into the kitchen area. She shoves Timothy aside with one arm. MANNY: What are you doing? I thought you were part of the team! Buffy backhands Manny and he flies onto a counter, slides across it and onto the floor. Philip rushes Buffy and she shoves him back with slayer-strength. He flies across the room. Manny lies on the floor glaring up at Buffy. MANNY: You are fired. Buffy gives him an angry look and storms out. Cut to Xander's apartment. Halfrek and Anya are drinking tea from delicate china cups. HALFREK: Tell me more about Xander. ANYA: You keep asking about him. Do you think I'm making a mistake? HALFREK: Do you? ANYA: Well, no! Xander, he... (ponders) He's very kind, and brave ... he has the sweetest smile and the nicest body, and ... he loves me. I mean, sometimes it isn't easy, but, he does. HALFREK: Who told you that it isn't easy to love you? ANYA: Well, you know, I'll do something, or say something, and, and then he has to say stuff like, (imitating Xander) 'it's incorrect for you to appreciate money so much,' or, or, 'Observe: here is how a real human would behave.' HALFREK: Oh, so he corrects you? ANYA: Well, no, it's just ... um ... well, no, I mean, now I'm all confused, I mean, wha, do you think there's something wrong with, with the way he treats me? HALFREK: (shrugs) Do you? ANYA: Okay, you have to stop doing that. I love Xander. HALFREK: Even though he thinks he knows better than you? ANYA: B-but he doesn't, he doesn't think that. HALFREK: (quickly) Okay. I'm sorry. (small laugh) I was just curious. You know, you don't have to say another thing about it if you're not comfortable. ANYA: B-but I am! I mean ... it's not like I'm hiding any deficiencies or anything. HALFREK: Hmm. Cut to close-up of Xander's face. He holds a bunch of playing cards and is staring at them. XANDER: I have absolutely no threes. Go fish. Close sh*t on a table with a pile of cards. A hand reaches to take a card from the pile. A paper-wrapped bundle lands on the table beside the cards. Cut to wider sh*t and we see that we're in the magic shop. Buffy stands beside the table where Dawn and Xander are playing cards. BUFFY: (hands on hips) I call an emergency meeting, and this is it? Where's Willow? Where's Anya? DAWN: I-I couldn't find Willow. I knocked and knocked on her door. XANDER: And Anya's entertaining a vengeance demon named Hallie. Say Buff, did you ever see Anya as a demon? 'Cause if that's it ... whoa. BUFFY: There's something wrong at the DoubleMeat Palace. Really wrong. She turns and walks over toward the counter. Dawn gets up and follows. DAWN: Have you been demon-fighting? Is that why you smell funny? BUFFY: No! I'm talking about... Buffy pauses, sniffs her shirt, pulls some hair in front of her face and sniffs it, makes a face. BUFFY: Ucch. That's great. That's, that's just great. I try to do the simplest thing in the world, get an ordinary job in a well-lit place, and look, I'm right back where I started. Blood and death and funky smells. (fiddling with something on the counter) Look. Look what I found near the grinder. Close sh*t of the severed finger as Buffy removes some tissue paper that she had wrapped it in. DAWN: (very heartfelt) Ew. (pause) Whose is it? BUFFY: I don't know. It might be this guy named Gary, the only one in the whole place who didn't seem all brain-d*ad. He didn't show up this morning. Except now I think he was there the whole time. As the secret ingredient. We need to analyze that burger. We need to find out if it used to be people. Xander turns from the table in alarm. We see that his mouth is full of burger. XANDER: What?! Buffy and Dawn turn to look at him. The empty burger wrapper is on the table beside him. XANDER: (swallows) People? BUFFY: Xander, you ate the burger?! XANDER: (stands up, yells) Well, first you say it's cat, then you come in and hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later 'oh and by the way, it happens to be hot delicious human flesh'! BUFFY: I needed that burger to analyze it. Now I'm gonna have to get another one. XANDER: *That's* your problem with this scenario? You getting seconds? The door jingles as Willow rushes in. WILLOW: Late! Late, sorry, I ... I was reading for school, well, highlighting anyway. (quietly) Anyway, late. XANDER: Yeah, you just (deep breath, gesturing at the empty wrapper) missed the Gary burger. WILLOW: What are we doing? Let's jump right in. Did Xander say something about food? Willow goes to put her purse on the table. She touches a pencil that's sitting on the table and it goes limp (as if the pencil had turned into rubber). Willow quickly picks it up and shoves it into her purse to hide it. DAWN: You wouldn't want any. Apparently the DoubleMeat Medley is people. Xander belches and puts his hand over his mouth. Willow looks at the burger wrapper in disgust. WILLOW: Whoa. Bad. BUFFY: I bet it's not even just this one time. Or even this one town. There are DoubleMeat Palaces all over California. DAWN: (disgusted) I've eaten there a lot. BUFFY: Well, everyone has! They've got the perfect deal. Everyone expects high turnover of the employees, they get the meat for nothing, and ... (pauses) And they have us disposing of the bodies! How sick is that? (Xander still looking disgusted) We need to bring down the whole corporation. Will, Xander ate the burger, is there any way for sure to figure out what it was? WILLOW: Well, yeah, I can start analyzing it with science, not ... I can use science. (to Xander) You ate it? Xander puts up his hand as if to say 'I don't want to talk about it.' DAWN: Um, we have the wrapper. There's little scribbles of meat on the wrapper. (Willow nods) BUFFY: (picking up her jacket) Okay, good, you guys get working on that. It's after closing, so I'm gonna go there and see what I can find out. (leaves) WILLOW: (breathing heavily) Cool, you go. We'll be good. Willow looks a little shaky but she goes to the table and starts setting up. Dawn walks over. DAWN: Are you okay? WILLOW: I'm just worried about Buffy. Cut to exterior sh*t of the DoubleMeat Palace, all dark for the night. WILLOW VOICEOVER: She could be walking into anything. Cut to inside. Buffy walks slowly through the dark restaurant. She opens the door to the walk-in freezer and walks in, looking around. The door begins to swing shut behind her. She grabs it just before it locks her in. She leaves the freezer. Cut to the meat grinder. Buffy touches one of the blades, then looks at her fingers and sniffs them. She crouches down to look at the opening where the ground meat comes out. Metallic noise from behind. Buffy turns, frowns. BUFFY: Manny? She gets up, starts walking in that direction. Suddenly she falls down out of sh*t. BUFFY: (OS) Ohh. Manny? She stands up again, back into the sh*t, holding a shoe with a severed foot in it. The ankle stump is bloody. The shoes are the style Manny was wearing earlier. Buffy wrinkles her nose. BUFFY: Guess you really were a lifer. Cut to the magic shop. Dawn and Xander sit at the counter in background. In foreground we see Willow with a microscope and a bunch of test-tubes arrayed in front of her. Several of the test tubes hold yellow or orange liquid. Willow holds a beaker of green liquid. WILLOW: (whispers) Don't need magic. Don't need it. Don't need it. She pours the green liquid into some of the test tubes. Pan over to Dawn and Xander. DAWN: My friend Janice? Her sister's a lawyer. XANDER: You think I should sue over the burger? That's interesting. DAWN: No, I just mean... (sighs) Buffy's never gonna be a lawyer, or a doctor. Anything big. XANDER: She's a Slayer. She saves the whole world. That's way bigger. DAWN: But that means she's gonna have like crap jobs her entire life, right? Minimum wage stuff. I mean, I could still grow up to be anything. But for her ... this is it. XANDER: Okay, but maybe you'll be a lawyer or a doctor, and you can use all your money to support your deadbeat sister. DAWN: (sarcastic) Oh, that's terrifically better. Thanks. WILLOW: Hey, guys, I-I think I've got it. Xander and Dawn get up, walk toward Willow. XANDER: Good job, Will. Those aren't, like, potions, are they? WILLOW: No, no potions. It's not magic, it's chemistry. You can tell by how damn slow it is. Xander sits beside Willow as Dawn stands on her other side. WILLOW: I made a solution that reacts to the proteins in human blood. So we're pretty close to knowing for certain. Anya comes rushing in. ANYA: (panting) I'm here! I'm here. DAWN: We're doing chemistry. ANYA: Oh. So sorry I hurried. XANDER: Hey, did your friend have a good time? And then leave? ANYA: (sullen) She's gone. XANDER: So, Ahn, the way she looked, with ... the face... (nervous laugh) That wasn't what you used to look like, was it? ANYA: Is there something wrong with that? I mean, did you think she was unattractive? XANDER: Okay, is there any answer to that question that won't make you nuts? ANYA: Halfrek was always considered to be a great beauty. XANDER: Well, hon, she was a little... (Anya glaring) ...there was some veinyness. WILLOW: Hold this. (hands something to Xander) Okay. If the solution reacts to the proteins, then I'll be able to see it. (quickly) I mean, I'll be able to look through the microscope and, and then see it. (bends over the microscope) ANYA: (to Xander) It's not like you're so perfect either, what with your ... strangely large upper arms and your tendency to criticize. XANDER: Huh? DAWN: (to Willow) What do you see? WILLOW: There's no reaction. XANDER: Oh god, no! No reaction! WILLOW: Which means it's not human. XANDER: (upset) It's not human! (realizing) It's not human? ANYA: Well, is it demony? I mean, maybe someone's ... you know, k*lling demons and using them as a cheap source of meat. I mean, we've all heard of that. Dawn makes a very disgusted face to show that she hasn't heard of that until now. ANYA: And by the way, I'm opposed to using demon meat, no matter how much money it saves. (to Xander) Does that surprise you? XANDER: Again, I say 'huh?' WILLOW: (still looking in microscope) No, I'm not sure what I'm seeing. Cellulose? sh*t of the slide on the microscope. Looks like a lot of brownish cells clinging together. Willow pulls back from the eyepiece. WILLOW: There's something weird here. Cut back to the DoubleMeat Palace. Buffy walks slowly through the kitchen, still holding the severed foot. She sees something on a table. BUFFY: Scalp? She puts the foot down on the table and stares at the thing. BUFFY: Wig! (picks it up) Wig lady? WIG LADY: (OS) Oh dear. Buffy turns to find the old lady standing behind her, bald. WIG LADY: Wig lady, is that what they call me? Buffy stares at her, frowning. WIG LADY: I don't care for that. (takes a few steps closer) I mean, I have to do something to hide this. A huge snake-like thing pushes its way out of the top of her bald head. Its eyes are her eyes, so it leaves her face eye-less and sagging. It has a round bald head and a toothy mouth with the eyes underneath the mouth. It extends to at least ten feet long, still connected to the old lady, and hovers in the air in front of Buffy's face. The face on the end of it squeals and suddenly squirts a mist at Buffy. Buffy tries to get away but finds she can't move. WIG LADY: It's paralyzing. Don't try to move, dear. You really can't, much. The snake-head thing continues to squeal and move toward Buffy as she tries to back away. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. The Wig Lady stands there with the snake creature protruding from her head. Buffy manages to break free and jump to the side as the creature strikes out at her. WIG LADY: The paralysis spreads upward, by the way. You may want to flail your arms a bit while you still can. Buffy is struggling away slowly, gripping the counter for support. The Wig Lady follows. WIG LADY: Did I tell you? You're my favorite. We get a close sh*t of her face clearly showing that she has no eyes. Buffy glances back, continues trying to get away. WIG LADY: DoubleMeat workers. You're all so full of DoubleMeat burgers, and you just slide down so smooth. Buffy reaches the end of the counter she's leaning on, falls to the floor and tries to push herself back up. WIG LADY: Oh, I just love the paralysis. It means I can eat you slowly. The snake-head is right up in Buffy's face. Suddenly she hits it with something and it flies aside, squealing. Buffy begins crawling along the floor, using mainly her arms. Cut to outside. Willow walks up to the front door and tries to open it, but it's locked. She puts her hands against the glass and peers inside. Cut back to inside. Buffy still pulling herself along the floor. sh*t of the Wig Lady's feet walking toward her. Buffy reaches the other side of a metal table/counter and sits up beside it, using her hands to pull her paralyzed legs up beside her. She grunts, then looks alarmed and tries to be quiet. WIG LADY: I know you're under there. The snake head squeals. Buffy cringes. WILLOW: (OS) Buffy? Are you in there? Buffy looks around as Willow's voice seems to come from nowhere, sounding tinny. Cut to outside. Willow stands beside the drive-through ordering station, talking into the microphone. WILLOW: I can't see you inside. Cut back to inside. We see Buffy crouching behind a metal table with the Wig Lady on the other side. Buffy looks alarmed, begins to move again, pulling herself along the floor beside the metal counter. WILLOW: (OS) Buffy, if you're in there, the burger isn't people. Suddenly the snake head comes between the sections of the counter and faces Buffy, squealing. She gasps and ducks down to slither underneath the bottom shelf. Cut to outside. Willow is still talking. WILLOW: They aren't even meat, it's all processed vegetables. Isn't that weird? Cut to inside. Buffy pulls herself along underneath the tables/counters. WILLOW: Buffy, there's more. Something happened today ... i-it wasn't my fault. It was Amy's fault, but I feel so bad about it. Cut back to the kitchen. Buffy pokes her head out from under the table, looking around cautiously. WILLOW (O.S.): It was Amy's power, but, but it felt like I was doing everything myself. And I couldn't stop. And now it's gone and I feel kinda shaky and ... like I, I need it ... Buffy? Buffy looks around, doesn't see anything, begins to crawl out. Suddenly the Wig Lady appears, the snake head in Buffy's face again. She slides back underneath but the Wig Lady bends over and grabs Buffy's shoulders, hauls her out and onto her feet. Then the lady just stands there as the snake head begins to bite at the shoulder of Buffy's jacket. Buffy gasps in pain, reaches behind her trying to find something on the counter that she can use as a w*apon, but she only manages to push some stuff off onto the floor. The Wig Lady grabs Buffy again. Cut to outside. WILLOW: (alarmed) Buffy, something fell. Cut back to inside. The Wig Lady shoves Buffy across the room. She bumps up against the meat grinder and her hand hits the red button. The grinder blades begin to whirl. The snake head still has hold of Buffy's shoulder and is biting her. Buffy seems completely paralyzed. Willow runs in. WILLOW: Buffy! The Wig Lady and the snake head both turn to look at Willow. WIG LADY: Visitors! How nice. The snake head spits its paralyzing liquid at Willow. She shrieks and jumps aside. The Wig Lady and snake head turn back to Buffy. It resumes biting Buffy. Suddenly Willow appears behind the Wig Lady. WILLOW: Missed me. She swings something, severing the snake body right above the Wig Lady's head. The snake mouth squeals and lets go of Buffy, leaving a bloody wound on her shoulder. Buffy falls to the floor. The Wig Lady groans and sways back and forth. We get a really nice disgusting sh*t of the severed stump on her head, oozing yellow liquid. The lady and the severed snake creature fall to the floor beside Buffy. The creature is still wriggling and squealing. WILLOW: Buffy! Buffy lifts her hand, holding a plastic butter Kn*fe. She s*ab the snake with it. It continues to squeal. Willow runs over and grabs the snake creature, wrestles it up and throws it into the grinder. All seems quiet for an instant, then the snake head reappears over the edge of the grinder compartment, squealing. Willow screams and shoves it back down into the grinder. Squealing noises die away, accompanied by disgusting squishy noises. Willow leans down and helps Buffy up. WILLOW: Buffy, are you all right? BUFFY: Para...lyzed, but ... I think it's wearing off. WILLOW: (smiling) I did it! I k*lled it, Buffy, look! sh*t of the inside of the grinder as the blades go round and round, chopping the gray-green creature into smaller bright green pieces with lots of yellowish blood. Very icky. Buffy and Willow look, then look over to the part where the ground meat comes out. Ground-up green snake-meat starts oozing out. BUFFY/WILLOW: Ewwwww. Cut to: next day. Bright sunny morning. Amy walks down the sidewalk and up the walk to the Summers house, rings the doorbell. Willow opens the door. AMY: (cheerful) Hey. WILLOW: (not moving aside) Amy. AMY: Can I come in? My new place isn't set up, and I wanted to borrow some stuff like detergent. WILLOW: You really can't. AMY: I can't borrow detergent? Well, when they start calling me 'stinky Amy,' I'm just gonna say, 'hey, not my fault...' WILLOW: I can't spend time with you anymore. AMY: What? WILLOW: You can't come in here again. AMY: What's up, y-you didn't like your birthday present? WILLOW: That's right. AMY: You're telling me that you didn't have a genuine blast? Come on, that was a sweet spell. That was like a trip to Disneyland without the lines. WILLOW: You don't get it. What you did to me was wrong. Do you have any idea how much harder that makes, just, everything? AMY: You know what I notice? You're not denying that you had fun. WILLOW: Shut up. AMY: Oh, yeah. Sharp argument you got there. Were you on the debate team? I forget. I forgot a lot while you were failing to make me be not a rat. WILLOW: Amy. If you really are my friend ... you better stay away from me. And if you really aren't... b*at. WILLOW: (meaningfully) ...you *better* stay away from me. Amy looks surprised, but she turns and leaves. Willow goes back inside, closes the door. Cut to: interior of the DoubleMeat Palace, employee lounge. Buffy walks in holding a bundle of folded clothing, walks over to the manager's office. We see a woman taking down Manny's "Dedication" poster. Buffy knocks on the door. LORRAINE: Yeah? BUFFY: Hi. Uh, you must be the new manager. I-I'm Buffy Summers. LORRAINE: I'm Lorraine Ross. They called me in when Manny did his disappearing act. You hear about that? Guy just disappeared. BUFFY: Yeah. I think ... I think that used to happen a lot around here. LORRAINE: Buffy Summers. I heard about you. Caused a big scene. BUFFY: Oh, yeah. Practical jokes not really right for the workplace. I so get that now. Anyway, I just wanted to return my uniform. (hands it over) LORRAINE: Oh. Most people don't even bother. Buffy starts to leave, pauses and turns back. BUFFY: The DoubleMeat Medley ... is vegetables? LORRAINE: How do you know that? BUFFY: So I guess it's true. LORRAINE: Um, close the door? (Buffy does) Have a seat. Lorraine sits at her desk and Buffy sits in the chair opposite. LORRAINE: It's a formed and texturized vegetable-based meat-like product, suitable for grinding. It's blended with large amounts of rendered beef fat for flavor. BUFFY: Wait, the secret ingredient in the beef is ... beef? LORRAINE: Buffy. You know something powerful here, do you understand that? The DoubleMeat reputation is built on a foundation of ... well, meat. You can't spread this around. BUFFY: I get that. (pauses to consider) It's a valuable secret, isn't it? LORRAINE: Is there something you want? BUFFY: I really need money. LORRAINE: You want money? BUFFY: No! Well, I mean, yes, but, but no, I ... well, I, I want to work. See, I-I have zero money coming in, and there are expenses, and by the time I interview for a new job and get hired and go through a training process, it... well, I'd ... I'd really like to not be fired anymore. LORRAINE: (small smile) Well, I don't want any more practical jokes. I mean it. BUFFY: I promise. LORRAINE: Well, I'm a little short-handed right now, and you're already trained ... (smiles) I think you can not be fired. BUFFY: (relieved) Thank you. That's, that's great. And I can do the job, I promise that too. LORRAINE: I certainly hope so. I don't like short-timers, Buffy. I like people who *want* to be here. Maybe you didn't take this job seriously before, but from now on? She points at the "5 years" pin on her uniform. LORRAINE: See this? I want you to be sh**ting for this from here on out. Buffy looks a little displeased by that, but resigned. BUFFY: Right. Here on out. She gives a small brave smile. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x12 - DoubleMeat Palace"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously... The Scoobies in "Bargaining." ANYA: I think we screwed it up. WILLOW: She's just ... disoriented from being tormented in some hell dimension. Buffy digging out of her grave. Spike in the DoubleMeat Palace. SPIKE: That the kind of demon you are? BUFFY: I don't know why you can h*t me, but I am not a demon. Buffy and Willow confronting the Geek Trio in "Gone." BUFFY: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? WARREN: We're your arch-nemesises. Buffy and Dawn in the kitchen. BUFFY: Dawn, you need to eat something. DAWN: Thanks for your concern. Dawn leaving. WILLOW: Why is she taking it out on you? Willow and Tara talking. TARA: I don't think this is gonna work. Tara packing her stuff. WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Willow and Rack doing magic. BUFFY: Willow has a problem. Willow and Buffy in the bedroom. WILLOW: No more spells. I'm finished. Spike and Buffy in the abandoned house in "Smashed" SPIKE: I'm in love with you. BUFFY: You're in love with pain. SPIKE: You afraid I'm gonna- Buffy kissing Spike. SPIKE: Things have changed. BUFFY: The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open in Spike's crypt. Sound of thumping. Pan across the neatly made bed. Sound of panting, more thumping. Sound of Buffy moaning. Pan across the various furniture in the crypt, candles burning on many surfaces, magazines scattered across the floor. Banging and moaning noises continue, sound of crashing and breaking. Pan across Spike's leather jacket and red duster lying on the floor. Moaning noises trail off to heavy breathing. Pan more and discover Buffy and Spike lying side-by-side on top of a pile of Oriental rugs, with another rug strategically draped over their bodies. BUFFY: (panting) Uh ... we missed the bed again. SPIKE: (looks toward the bed) Lucky for the bed. Buffy continues panting, lifts herself up on her elbows and looks at the rug covering her body. BUFFY: Is this a new rug? SPIKE: Mm...no. Just looks different when you're under it. Buffy laughs a little, then looks around. BUFFY: You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up. SPIKE: Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck. BUFFY: I've been thinking about doing something to my room. SPIKE: (moving closer to her) Yeah? BUFFY: Yeah, I think the New Kids On The Block posters are starting to date me. SPIKE: (chuckles) Well, if you want, I can... Spike stops, looks at Buffy in surprise. SPIKE: Are we having a conversation? BUFFY: What? No! No. (pause) Maybe. SPIKE: Hmm. BUFFY: What? SPIKE: Well, isn't this usually the part where you ... kick me in the head and run out, virtue fluttering? BUFFY: That's the plan ... (embarrassed) ...soon as my legs start working. Spike grins, leans his forehead against Buffy's arm, then lifts his head and begins running his finger up and down her arm. SPIKE: (whispers) You were amazing. BUFFY: (softly) You got the job done yourself. SPIKE: I was just trying to keep up. The things you do ... (Buffy looks embarrassed. Spike smirks) ...the way you make it hurt in all the wrong places. I've never been with such an animal. Buffy gives a little gasp, jerks her arm away. Spike looks surprised. BUFFY: I'm not an animal. SPIKE: You wanna see the bite marks? BUFFY: You know, it's late, I-I should ... get home before Dawn goes to sleep. Buffy starts looking around under the rug. Spike sighs and lies back. SPIKE: And she's off. Buffy disappears completely underneath the rug. BUFFY: (muffled) Have you seen my underwear? SPIKE: (sighs) What is this to you? This thing we have. BUFFY: (muffled) We don't have a ... thing, we have ... this. (head reappears) That's all. She pulls herself up on her elbows again. Spike does the same. SPIKE: Do you even like me? b*at. Buffy stares at Spike. He just waits. BUFFY: (softly) Sometimes. (looks away) SPIKE: But you like what I do to you. Buffy still doesn't look at him. After a moment Spike turns and reaches for something behind him. Jingling noise. Buffy looks up, and her eyes widen. Spike holds up a pair of handcuffs. SPIKE: Do you trust me? BUFFY: Never. Cut to a basement somewhere. Jonathan and Andrew stand looking at a bunch of boxes on a table. Jonathan pulls out a record: "Frampton Comes Alive!" Andrew looks over, grabs the record away from Jonathan. ANDREW: How can I trust you not to touch my stuff? We see Warren in the background, sitting at a desk doing something. ANDREW: Actually living with supervillains was not part of the deal. JONATHAN: (looking in the boxes) We're on the lam, moron, it's not like we have a choice. ANDREW: This sucks. Couldn't we have at least gotten a lair with a view? JONATHAN: (removes his magic bone from a box) Stop whining! Get your sissy crap out of the way. Jonathan shoves a box onto the floor. ANDREW: Hey, quit it! Andrew grabs at Jonathan. Jonathan points his magic bone at Andrew and makes hand-gestures. ANDREW: Don't you curse me! (grabs for the bone) JONATHAN: Hey, my bone! ANDREW: Ow! They grapple, hitting each other and grunting. Warren hears the commotion and rolls his eyes. WARREN: Hey! The others stop fighting. WARREN: When you girls are done touching each other, the cerebral dampener's ready to be charged. ANDREW: Cool. Jonathan puts down his bone, and he and Andrew walk over to the desk. We see a golf-ball-sized silvery ball on the desk. Warren has put on a pair of red-tinted glasses. The other two put on similar glasses. JONATHAN: Got the thing? ANDREW: (takes out a plastic baggie) Musk gland of a Homja-Maleev demon. Andrew opens the bag and they all react to the smell, making faces. ANDREW: (strained) Fresh. He coughs, takes it out of the bag and hands it to Jonathan. JONATHAN: All right. Stand back. Warren gets up, and the other two move back a bit. Jonathan holds the musk gland in one hand, holds a vial in the other. He uses his teeth to remove the vial's cap, then spits it at Andrew. Close on Jonathan's hands as he sprinkles yellow powder from the vial onto the musk gland. JONATHAN: Doma voluntatem, libera cupidinem, erumpe, ignem, excita. Light suffuses the musk gland, then transforms it into a stream of light and smoke that sh**t down to the silver ball, making it glow briefly. Jonathan's hand smokes slightly. JONATHAN: Okay ... ow! Warren reaches over and grabs the silver ball. WARREN: Gentlemen, the cerebral dampener ... is online. (removes his glasses) And with this baby, we can make any woman we desire our willing sex sl*ve. The others smile tentatively. WARREN: (grinning) I know just where to start. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Amelinda Embry, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Steven S. DeKnight, directed by James A. Contner. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Interior of the DoubleMeat Palace, day. Buffy and coworker Gina are working the counter. Buffy hands a bag of food to a customer. BUFFY: Double meat is double sweet. Enjoy! CUSTOMER: Thank you. The customer takes the food and leaves as Gina gives Buffy a strange look. BUFFY: (defensive) Just something I'm trying. Tara comes up to the counter. TARA: Hey, sorry I'm late. BUFFY: Oh, time has no meaning here. Gina, I'm taking a break. Buffy takes her hat off, starts to move off. Tara gives Gina a fake smile and follows Buffy. Cut to the employee lounge. Close on the wall bearing motivational posters reading "Dedication" and "Productivity." Pan over to Tara sitting in a chair at a long table. Behind her we see more posters: "Cooperation" and "Motivation." Buffy comes over with a paper cup. TARA: I have this sudden urge to dedicate my productive cooperation. Buffy hands her the cup of soda. BUFFY: Well, if you close your eyes and repeatedly smash yourself in the head with frozen meat, it'll go away. (sits) Eventually. I'm hoping. Buffy fiddles with her hands nervously, rubbing her wrists. BUFFY: Thanks for coming by. TARA: (worried) Is it bad? BUFFY: I was sort of hoping you could tell me. TARA: I knew this was gonna happen. What did Willow do now? Did she ... she hurt anyone? BUFFY: Wha... uh, no, no, um... Ta-Tara, this isn't about Willow. TARA: I-I thought that's why you didn't want to meet at the house. BUFFY: Uh, sorry, it's, um ... Willow's fine, uh, she, she's been doing really well. You'd be proud of her. TARA: Good, that's ... that's good. (pause) So, so what do you want to talk about? Buffy continues rubbing her wrists. BUFFY: I-it's Spike. (Tara looking confused) He can hurt me. Close sh*t on Buffy's hands as she continues rubbing her wrists. Suddenly she realizes it, and quickly moves her hands under the table. BUFFY: Without his head exploding. TARA: Oh my god. Hi-his chip stopped working? BUFFY: No, it still works. Just not on me. (nervous) I-I need to know about the spell. The one that ... brought me back. I, I'd ask Willow, but... TARA: (getting it) You think it's you. BUFFY: I don't know. I feel ... different. There are things... She seems about to make a confession. Tara looks at her, waiting. Buffy chickens out. BUFFY: I-I think ... maybe ... I came back wrong. TARA: (firmly) No, Buffy, that's n-not ... no. You didn't. BUFFY: Can you check out the spell? Just see if there's something that ... Could you just check? Please? Cut to: exterior city street, night. The Geek Trio's van is parked at the edge of an alley. Cut to inside the van. Close sh*t on a video monitor showing snow. The snow clears, revealing a bar scene. JONATHAN: (OS) Right there! That's got it. We see Jonathan sitting in front of the monitor, wearing a headset. JONATHAN: Mad Dog Two to Mad Dog One. We see Andrew sitting beside Jonathan, also wearing a headset. ANDREW: I thought I was Mad Dog Two. Jonathan gives him a look, rolls his eyes. JONATHAN: Mad Dog *Three* to Mad Dog One. Cut to: interior of the restaurant. Warren stands by the door, wearing a suit and tie. JONATHAN VOICEOVER: (over earpiece) Signal's coming in strong and clear. Over. WARREN: (puts a hand to his ear) Roger that. Beginning preliminary sweep. Warren looks around; we can see the tiny earpiece in his ear. He fiddles with his tie. Close sh*t on the tie. In the middle of it we see a tiny camera. Cut to the van. The monitor shows the view jiggling a little as Warren fiddles with the tie. The other two geeks watch. Cut back to the restaurant. Warren puts hands in pockets and begins strolling around. The place is full of people, some sitting in booths, some sitting at the bar, talking, drinking, etc. WARREN: (quietly) Keep your potatoes peeled for the Slayer. I don't want any surprises. Cut to the van. ANDREW: We can really have anyone we want. JONATHAN: It's like candy. ANDREW: Juicy, pulsating candy. JONATHAN: Oh! Oh, the one with the neck! Put the whammy on the neck! The screen shows a variety of women sitting and walking. ANDREW: No! The redhead! I want the redhead! Cut back to the restaurant as the redhead walks past Warren. JONATHAN: (over earpiece) The redhead's too tall. ANDREW: (over earpiece) So get a step ladder. No, no, ow! Sounds of scuffling. Warren ignores them, looking around, spotting something. Long sh*t of Katrina (Warren's ex-girlfriend from "I Was Made To Love You") sitting at a table, drinking wine. ANDREW: (over earpiece) Get off of me! JONATHAN: (over earpiece) Take it back! WARREN: (smiling) Target acquired. Cut to the van. Jonathan has Andrew in a head-lock. They both stop and look at the monitor. JONATHAN: What? Cut to the restaurant. WARREN: Initiating contact. (begins walking forward) Cut to the van. The other two look at the monitor and see Katrina as Warren moves toward her. JONATHAN: The brunette? ANDREW: Oh, she's kinda cute -- (Jonathan tightens his hold) Ow! (looking up at the screen) Oh, no, go for the leather skirt! On the monitor, a girl in a leather skirt walks past Warren. We get a very close look at her cleavage. ANDREW: Oh, bazoombas! Cut back to the restaurant. Warren checks out the cleavage as the girl walks past him. ANDREW: (over earpiece) Go for the one with the bazoombas! JONATHAN: (over earpiece) Yeah, go for the one with the bazoombas. Warren continues looking at Katrina. In the earpiece, the other two begin chanting "Bazoomba, bazoomba." Warren resumes walking toward Katrina. As he walks, he removes the earpiece and drops it into a martini glass on another table. It sizzles as it shorts out. Cut to the van. Andrew and Jonathan scream as their headsets fill with loud feedback. They let go of each other and grab at their ears. Cut back to the restaurant. Warren slides into the chair beside Katrina, who has her head turned away from him. WARREN: So how did you get so beautiful? Katrina laughs sarcastically. KATRINA: Okay, does that line usually work...? She turns and sees Warren, stops smiling. KATRINA: What the hell are you doing here? WARREN: It's nice to see you again too, Katrina. KATRINA: Yeah, it's the seeing you part that's throwing me here, Warren, because I thought I was pretty clear with the never wanting that to happen again. WARREN: Never's a long time, baby. Warren holds up a folded bill between his fingers, gesturing to the bartender. KATRINA: Apparently not long enough. WARREN: Oh, you're not still sore about that thing, are you? The bartender tries to refill Katrina's glass from the bottle of wine, but she puts her hand over the glass to stop him. KATRINA: What *thing* would that be exactly? What, the wind-up slut you tinkered together? Or when Little Miss Nuts and Bolts tried to choke me to death? WARREN: Okay, so I've made a few mistakes. KATRINA: No. No, I did. For ever lowering myself to be with a jerk like you. She gets up. Warren stands too, stopping her. WARREN: Don't say that. KATRINA: Well, what did you expect, to just ... waltz in here and sweep me off my feet with your cheesy lines and fancy suit? WARREN: No, I ju- I just thought ... we could talk. I thought maybe we could work things out. KATRINA: There's nothing to work out. What you did was sick. And just looking at you makes me want to vomit. (gathering up her purse) WARREN: (reaching into his jacket pocket) You sure about that? (puts on his red sunglasses) KATRINA: Yes, god yes, I'm sure. Warren reaches into another pocket, pulls out the Cerebral Dampener and opens his hand. The device flashes with red and yellow sparkly light, then quickly subsides. Katrina looks at it in surprise. Warren puts the device back into his pocket. Katrina looks at him with an odd expression. KATRINA: I love you, Master. Warren grins, takes off the sunglasses. WARREN: I love you, too, baby. Cut to: interior Summers house, night. Angle on the front door from the living room. Soft music. Buffy enters from outside. BUFFY: (calls) I'm home! Who wants to help scrape the grease off my... She puts down her jacket and looks into the living room, looks shocked. BUFFY: (horrified) Is there singing?! Cut to wider sh*t. Xander and Dawn are dancing in the middle of the room, while Anya and Willow sit on the sofa watching. BUFFY: Are we singing again? XANDER: Nope, just the dancing. ANYA: We're teaching Dawn perfectly synchronized dance steps for the wedding reception. Xander whirls Dawn around into a dip. She giggles delightedly. XANDER: (to Buffy) Wanna go for a spin? BUFFY: Uh, think I'm heading more towards an ungainly collapse. Buffy walks over to sit between Anya and Willow. WILLOW: Aw, rough day? BUFFY: Kinda. XANDER: You've been going at it too hard, Buffy. We hardly ever see you, what with slinging the double meat and pounding the big evil. ANYA: You are looking a little pounded. (Buffy looks insulted) Just around the eyes. WILLOW: Hey, we're thinking of heading to the Bronze later. Wanna come, get all unwindy? XANDER: Tall glasses of frosty relaxation on me. Nectar of the working man. BUFFY: No, thanks. I think I'll stay here with Dawn. (Sound of a car horn honking outside) Curl up on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and- Dawn moves toward the door, picks up her jacket. BUFFY: ...listen to the cars honk? (to Dawn) Where are you going? DAWN: I'm ... sleeping over at Janice's? BUFFY: And I'm falling for that again because of the surprise lobotomy? WILLOW: It's okay, I checked it out. Janice's mom is picking her up. BUFFY: Oh. DAWN: I didn't think you'd care. You're never home, so... Buffy looks contrite, gets up and goes over to Dawn. BUFFY: I know. I'm sorry. You know, but I, I'm here now. All visible and everything. Couldn't you just stay at Janice's another night? DAWN: Her mom's cooking Mexican. She's gonna teach me how to make real tortillas. (softly) Not like I knew you'd be around. The horn honks again. Dawn grabs her stuff and leaves as Buffy stands there looking unhappy. The door closes, and Buffy turns to her friends, giving a small brave smile. BUFFY: Frosty nectar. Now please. Sound of a champagne cork popping. Cut to: close sh*t on Warren in the new geek lair. He holds up a glass that is being filled. WARREN: Thank you, baby. We see Katrina, now wearing a black-and-white french-maid outfit, filling Andrew's glass from the bottle of champagne. Warren sits nearby as the others are standing. KATRINA: My pleasure, Master. ANDREW: That is so cool. Katrina finishes filling Andrew's glass and steps back, staring ahead of her with a blank expression. We see Jonathan holding his own glass, toying with the Cerebral Dampener. JONATHAN: I really could've used one of these in high school. WARREN: Gentlemen? To crime. Warren holds up his glass. The others hold theirs up too. Katrina continues staring blankly. ANDREW/JONATHAN: Crime! They all drink. Andrew coughs and makes a face. ANDREW: Crime tastes funny. JONATHAN: Wow. (circling around Katrina, checking her out) I still think I would have gone with the bazoombas, but... sh*t of Warren watching. Jonathan goes around behind Katrina and comes around the other side, next to Andrew. JONATHAN: ...wow. ANDREW: Yeah, she's ... really cute. WARREN: (offended) Cute? Warren jumps up, goes to Katrina's other side, staring at her. WARREN: Look at her, man! The (pointing) the shape of her lips. The smooth, silky skin. The way her nose- (goofy laugh) the way her nose crinkles when she laughs... (softly) She's perfect. Andrew and Jonathan look at each other and giggle nervously. JONATHAN: Yeah. ANDREW: She's totally hot. KATRINA: (still staring ahead blankly) So are you, Master. ANDREW: (surprised) You think so? KATRINA: Oh yes, Master. Andrew looks taken aback, but excited. Jonathan smiles nervously. JONATHAN: Okay ... so ... how do we ... you know. ANDREW: Who gets to... WARREN: I do. Warren walks around to the side of Katrina closer the other two, and drapes an arm over her shoulders. ANDREW: That's not fair. JONATHAN: Dude, you didn't call it. WARREN: Oh, I don't have to call it, Sparky. She's mine. But don't worry. (takes the champagne bottle from Katrina and gives it to Jonathan) You can play with her all you want ... after I'm done with her. The other two look uncomfortable as Warren and Katrina walk off. Jonathan and Andrew lift their glasses simultaneously and take another sip. Sound of a door closing. Andrew coughs from the champagne. Cut to another room. It's very red: red sheets on the bed, red lava lamp, red wall-coverings. Katrina shoves Warren across the room and pushes him up against the wall hard, begins kissing him passionately. He kisses her back. WARREN: I missed you so much. You never should have left me. (kiss) Say it. KATRINA: (mechanically) I never should have left you, Master. (more kissing) WARREN: Tell me you love me. KATRINA: I love you, Master. More kissing. Katrina keeps her eyes open and her same blank expression while kissing. WARREN: Again. KATRINA: I love you, Master. (more kissing) WARREN: I love you too, baby. (shrugs) Get on your knees. KATRINA: Yes, Warren. She kneels down, out of sh*t. Warren looks excited for a moment, then pauses. WARREN: Wait, what'd you just say? sh*t of Katrina kneeling, looking up at him. Warren's hand is on the back of her head. KATRINA: I said yes, w*r- She pauses in mid-word, looks confused. Warren looks alarmed. Katrina looks at Warren's hand on her head, shoves it away, looks down at her outfit, looks outraged. KATRINA: What the f- Cut to the other room. Jonathan and Andrew are sparring with plastic light-up Star Wars lightsabers. In background, Warren flies into sh*t, falling to the floor as if pushed. Katrina comes up behind him, throwing her french-maid hat at him. The others stop and stare. KATRINA: (furious) What did you do to me?! WARREN: Get the Dampener! Jonathan and Andrew quickly drop their toys and rush around looking for the Dampener. KATRINA: Who the hell are you? ANDREW: Um, your masters? KATRINA: My what?! JONATHAN: Where'd you put it?! ANDREW: You had it last! Sound of the other two arguing continues as Warren stands up and Katrina confronts him. KATRINA: Are you kidding me?! WARREN: Get the Dampener! KATRINA: You were gonna share me with these two dorks?! (Warren putting on his red sunglasses) ANDREW: Hey! We're supervillains! Andrew and Jonathan rush over. Andrew wears his sunglasses and holds the Dampener. ANDREW: Call us "Master!" Andrew thrusts his hand out with the Dampener on his palm. Jonathan isn't wearing his sunglasses - he puts his hands quickly over his eyes. JONATHAN: Wait! The Dampener flashes briefly, weakly, and nothing. Katrina just stares at it. ANDREW: Aw, crap. JONATHAN: It's out of juice! KATRINA: (to Warren) Is that what you used on me?! Oh my god! First the skankbot and now this?! What is wrong with you! She shoves Warren in the chest. WARREN: I just, I wanted us to be together! KATRINA: There is no us, Warren! Get that through your big meaty head! I am not your girlfriend anymore! JONATHAN: She's your ex? ANDREW: Dude, that is messed up. KATRINA: Oh, you think? (walking toward the other two) You bunch of little boys, playing at being men. (yelling) Well, this is not some fantasy, it's not a game, you freaks! It's r*pe! JONATHAN: (stunned) What? ANDREW: No ... we didn't- KATRINA: (crying, and still angry) You're all sick. (points at Warren) And I'm going to make sure you get locked up for this. And then we'll see how you like getting r*ped. She turns to walk off. WARREN: Stop her! Andrew and Jonathan each grab an arm. Katrina fights back. KATRINA: Get off me! She elbows Andrew in the face, knees Jonathan in the groin. They both go down. Warren rushes over as Katrina starts up the stairs. He grabs her shoulder but she pushes him off. He grabs her again. She rakes her fingernails down his face, drawing blood. Warren yells in pain, but knocks Katrina down, grabs the champagne bottle and hits her over the head with it. She falls down on the stairs and stops moving. Warren steps back down onto the floor. WARREN: Charge the Cerebral Dampener. Jonathan comes over to look. sh*t of Katrina's unmoving body lying across the stairs. Andrew comes up behind Jonathan and they both stare. JONATHAN: (shaking his head) Warren... WARREN: Charge the Dampener! Andrew ... get her up. Andrew goes past Warren and up the stairs to look at Katrina. WARREN: We'll give her another dose. (wiping his mouth with his sleeve) A strong one. Jonathan hasn't moved, still staring. WARREN: Everything's all right. Everything's ... gonna be all right. Close on Katrina's head as Andrew touches it and brings his hand away, covered in blood. ANDREW: I don't think so. He turns to look at the others. ANDREW: She's d*ad. Jonathan looks horrified. Close on Warren as it sinks in. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. Andrew sits on the stairs holding a Kleenex to his mouth. ANDREW: Oh god, oh god, oh god. We see Warren bending over Katrina, examining her. WARREN: Her neck. It just... (looks back at Jonathan) JONATHAN: (shaking his head) No, that's ... not... Warren stands, goes down the stairs to where Jonathan is. JONATHAN: This isn't happening. WARREN: I just, I gotta ... I gotta, lemme think. Andrew continues whimpering softly and saying "oh god." JONATHAN: (tearful) What did you do? What the hell did you do?! Jonathan grabs Warren by his shirt, but Warren grabs Jonathan back and shoves him up against the wall. WARREN: *We* did this. Me, and Andrew, and you. It's on all of us. ANDREW: ...oh god oh god oh god... WARREN: Shut up! Andrew stops talking but begins to cry quietly. WARREN: (lets go of Jonathan) We, uh, we have to get ... we have to get r-rid of it. JONATHAN: How? WARREN: Uh, uh, may-maybe a spell. Can you teleport it out of here? JONATHAN: (looking at the body) No, she's ... (upset) It's too big. WARREN: Andrew. Andrew doesn't respond, still staring at the body. WARREN: Andrew! ANDREW: What? WARREN: Is there any ... thing that you can, uh, summon, something that... (winces, wipes his mouth) something that can devour that much? ANDREW: Maybe a Jarvlen Flesh Eater, but ... they're hard to control. It'd go for us, too. JONATHAN: (upset) Oh, well that's it, man. We're screwed. WARREN: No, we just have to stay calm. JONATHAN: Tell that to your girlfriend! WARREN: Ex-girlfriend! JONATHAN: It doesn't matter! There's a link. You knew her, so there's a link. You don't think Buffy'll be able to put that together? That's what she does, she'll figure it out! ANDREW: It was an accident. Maybe if we turn ourselves in- WARREN: No. JONATHAN: He's right. If we go to the police now- WARREN: I'm not going to jail. JONATHAN: We can't hide this! Sooner or later, the Slayer's gonna find out she's d*ad. WARREN: (rubbing his chin, thoughtfully) Well, then maybe it should be sooner. JONATHAN: Are you insane? WARREN: Listen to me. JONATHAN: No! WARREN: Listen! (more quietly) We have two problems. The body, and the Slayer. Well, what if there was a way that we could take care of them both ... with one big stone. Andrew stares at Warren, not getting it. Jonathan stares at Katrina. Warren nods, looks from one to the other. WILLOW VOICEOVER: What are they doing? Cut to the Bronze. Willow sits beside Buffy, staring in horror. sh*t of Xander and Anya on the dance floor, swing-dancing. The music is retro swing-style. Xander and Anya are really into it, having fun. WILLOW: We're not going to have to do that at the wedding, are we? 'Cause there's this last thread of dignity I've been desperately clinging to. BUFFY: You're still doing okay, right? WILLOW: Yeah. You know. Some days are harder than the really hard days. It's easier like this, though, when I'm not alone. BUFFY: (contrite) I'm sorry I haven't been around that much. WILLOW: No, that's not -- it's okay. We know you've been all tied up. Buffy startles at this, looking guilty. BUFFY: What? WILLOW: With your job, and the slaying. Buffy nods, relieved. Xander and Anya come over. XANDER: Hey, I see sitting where there should be dancing. ANYA: Come share in the joy of our groove thang. WILLOW: And despite that, I succumb to the b*at. (getting up) BUFFY: I think I'll catch the next Soul Train out. XANDER: You sure? BUFFY: Oh, yeah, you know, (holding up her empty plastic cup) glass all the way empty. More nectar required. XANDER: Cool, well, shimmy on out when you're done lubricating. Buffy smiles widely and watches the others go out onto the dance floor. They begin to dance, having lots of fun. Buffy's smile slowly fades and she looks pensive. Cut to Buffy walking over to the bar. She puts her empty cup on the bar and waits for the bartender a moment, then changes her mind, turns and walks away, leaving the cup behind. By the way, she is wearing a white sleeveless blouse and a short lacy black skirt. Buffy goes to the stairs and begins climbing toward the balcony. The swing music fades away to a slower, sad piece. The balcony is basically deserted. Buffy leans on the railing and looks down. sh*t of the dance floor full of happy dancing people, including the Scoobies. Buffy watches them, with a sad smile. SPIKE: (O.S.) You see ... you try to be with them... Spike walks up behind Buffy. SPIKE: ...but you always end up in the dark ... (whispering in her ear) ...with me. He moves up right behind Buffy, looks where she's looking. sh*t of the Scoobies from Buffy's POV. SPIKE: What would they think of you ... if they found out ... all the things you've done? He puts his hand on her bare shoulder and strokes slowly down her arm. SPIKE: If they knew ... who you really were? His hand moves down to her elbow and then farther down, out of sh*t. Close on Buffy's face. BUFFY: (whispers) Don't. SPIKE: Stop me. Close on Spike's hand as it travels down Buffy's thigh. Close on Buffy's face as she closes her eyes. Close on Spike's hand pulling her skirt up. Close on Buffy's face as she breathes heavily in pleasure. Close on Spike's face making a similar expression of pleasure and looking at Buffy's face. Close on Buffy's face still with her eyes closed. Wider sh*t of the two of them from the waist up. Spike gives a strong thrust and they both gasp slightly. Buffy still has her eyes closed. Spike leans in to look at her face. SPIKE: No ... don't close your eyes. She opens her eyes. SPIKE: Look at them. sh*t of the Scoobies dancing on, oblivious. SPIKE: That's not your world. You belong in the shadows... with me. Close sh*t on Spike's face as he continues moving slowly and talking into Buffy's ear. SPIKE: Look at your friends ... and tell me ... you don't love getting away with this... (Buffy still watching her friends) ...right under their noses. Close on Buffy's face as she looks down at her friends. Cut to: street scene, day. Xander and Willow walking past the coffee-shop and toward the Magic Box. Xander groans and limps. XANDER: Oh! I think I pulled a jive muscle last night. WILLOW: (chuckles) The Funky Monkey claims another victim. They reach the door to the magic shop just as Tara comes out, holding a large magical book. WILLOW: (surprised) Tara. What are you doing here? I mean ... uh, it's okay for you to be here if you have things that ... you have to be here for. XANDER: Yeah, I'm gonna go bring Anya up to speed on that monkey situation. Xander gives Tara a friendly smile as he passes her. She smiles back briefly. Xander goes into the store. TARA: (to Willow) There's a monkey problem? WILLOW: Only if you don't stretch first. (looking at Tara's book) The Brekenkrieg Grimoire? Light reading? TARA: Uh, yeah, I was just... WILLOW: No, it's okay. I, I didn't expect you to stop doing magic just because ... You don't have to hide it. I'm not - I'm, I'm doing better. No spells for thirty-two days. (Tara smiles) I can even go to the magic shop now. As long as someone's with me at all times. But, uh, but it's better now, it really is. You know, if you were checking on me. TARA: No, I wouldn't ... I was just looking for Buffy. WILLOW: Oh. Well, I-I haven't seen her since last night. She's not around much these days. We kinda miss her. TARA: I'm sure she feels the same way. If you see her, c-can you tell her that I need to talk to her? It's important. WILLOW: Yeah. Of course I will. TARA: Thanks. Tara starts to walk off, pauses, turns back. TARA: Will? I'm ... I'm glad you're doing better. They look at each other. Tara gives a little smile, turns and walks away. Willow stands there looking sad. Cue slow sad music ("Out Of This World" by Bush). Cut to: graveyard, night. Buffy walks along, holding a stake. She wears a brown turtleneck sweater, a black jacket, and black leather gloves. When we die we go into the arms of those that remember us Cut to Spike's crypt. Spike stands with his shirt unbuttoned, smoking a cigarette and pouring a glass of blood. He takes a pinch of some herb from a jar and sprinkles it in the blood, picks up the glass. We are home now Spike pauses as if hearing, or sensing, something. He looks toward the door, smiles. Out of our heads Cut to exterior sh*t of the crypt. Buffy walks up. Out of our minds Out of this world Cut to inside. Spike walks over to the door, puts his hands on it and presses his body against it. Out of our time Cut to outside. Buffy stands right up next to the door, lifting her gloved hand to it. Are you drowning or waving I just want you to save me Cut to inside. Spike runs his hand up the door as if caressing it. Cut to outside. Buffy has her hand on the door in the same spot as Spike's. Should we try to get along Just try to get along Cut to inside. Spike is still pressed up against the door, eyes closed, and breathing faster with excitement. So we move Spike pulls the door open and walks out. We change by the speed of the choices that we make No sign of Buffy. Spike frowns, looks around. Pan across the assortment of gravestones. And the barriers are all self-made Spike frowns, sighs. That's so retrograde... Cut to another part of the graveyard. Buffy walks along, under trees. The music fades out. BUFFY: (to herself) Don't think about the evil bloodsucking fiend. Focus on anything but the evil bloodsucking fiend. Sound of a woman screaming. Buffy looks upward. BUFFY: Thank you! She breaks into a run. Cut to a nearby part of the forest. Long sh*t of a woman running, with two figures chasing. One appears to be wearing a robe, the other dressed in regular clothes. Buffy flies into the scene and tackles the figure in the robe. She falls to the ground and the other person is gone. Not escaped, just gone. Buffy looks around, stands up. She appears to be alone in the forest. BUFFY: Huh? Buffy looks around. No one in evidence. Whooshing noise, sound of whimpering. Buffy whirls around. A few yards away she sees Katrina lying on the ground, crying, hands over her ears. Her back is to Buffy. Buffy takes a few steps closer. BUFFY: It's okay. I'm going to get you out of here. Can, can you walk? Are you hurt? Whooshing noise. Buffy looks around. Katrina is gone. Sound of weird voices whispering. CREEPY VOICES: What did you do? What did you do? Buffy... Buffy... Buffy puts her hands over her ears, looking around anxiously. SPIKE: (OS) Ow! Whooshing noise. Suddenly Spike is lying on the ground in front of Buffy, his lip bleeding. SPIKE: Bloody hell, what'd you do that for? BUFFY: (confused) Spike? Whooshing noise. Buffy looks to her right just in time to see a demon in a blue robe attacking her. He hits her in the face. Cut to wider sh*t and we see that there are three demons. Two are attacking Buffy as the third is fighting with Spike right next to her. In foreground we see Katrina lying on the ground. Spike ducks a swing and grabs his demon around the waist. Buffy hits a demon in the face, then kicks him. Spike has his demon by the head and twists, breaking its neck. We see that Spike is in vamp-face. SPIKE: Buffy! Buffy turns from one demon to see the other behind her. He hits her in the face. Everything goes blurry. Whooshing noise. Scene change. Buffy looks around. She's standing in an empty clearing. Spike approaches, with no bloody lip. BUFFY: Spike. What's happening? SPIKE: So you thought you could just slip away, then? Vampire, remember? He walks up close to her as she frowns in confusion. SPIKE: I could feel you. Whooshing noise. Scene change: we're back in the demon fight again. Buffy blocks a punch, punches a demon and continues fighting him. Cut to wider sh*t. The second demon is on the ground near Katrina, but now gets up to att*ck Buffy. Buffy turns to punch the second demon. Whooshing noise. The scene changes again mid-punch and Buffy ends up punching Spike instead. We see Katrina running past. Spike lands on his butt in front of Buffy, his lip bleeding again. SPIKE: Ow! Bloody hell, what'd you do that for? Katrina goes past them, crying. She stops a few feet away and lies down on the ground still crying. Buffy stares in confusion. A patch of empty air begins to shimmer and the three demons appear, charging forward. Buffy turns and begins fighting two of them as Spike takes the third. Buffy punches one demon and he goes down next to Katrina, as Buffy continues fighting the other. The second demon gets up and Buffy swings at him. Whooshing noise. The scene changes again and Buffy ends up swinging at empty air. She looks around. Whooshing noise. Something hits Buffy in the face. Whooshing noise. Buffy holds an unconscious or d*ad demon in her arms. Whooshing noise. Close sh*t on a demon's face as he punches Buffy. Buffy's head goes back, blurry. Another scene change. There's a d*ad demon on the ground behind her. In front of her, Spike is fighting the third demon. SPIKE: Buffy! Buffy whirls around, takes a punch to the face, kicks and punches the second demon until he goes down. A hand grabs Buffy's shoulder and she whirls, still in fight mode, backhanding Katrina. We see Katrina go flying back and over the edge of a hill, falling to the ground and rolling down the hill. Buffy watches this in horror. Behind her Spike is still fighting the third demon. Buffy runs down the hill after Katrina. Spike is straddling the third demon and gives it what looks like a final punch. He starts to get up. SPIKE: Buffy! The demon grabs Spike's jacket and pulls him back down. Now the demon is straddling Spike and trying to punch him. SPIKE: Do you mind? Spike punches the demon so hard his fist goes through its chest and is visible underneath the back of its robe. The demon makes a face of extreme pain. Spike shoves it off him, gets up and rushes down the hill. At the bottom of the hill Buffy is kneeling beside Katrina, staring at her. Spike reaches the bottom and goes over to them. SPIKE: Buffy? BUFFY: She's d*ad. sh*t of Katrina's lifeless body. BUFFY: I k*lled her. Spike frowns. Long sh*t of the three of them in tableau, seen through some tree branches. sh*t of Katrina standing beside a tree, peering through its branches at the tableau. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. Buffy stares in shock at Katrina's corpse. Spike looks around nervously. SPIKE: We have to go. BUFFY: (to herself) What happened? (sh*t of Katrina's d*ad body) SPIKE: There's nothing you can do now. We have to go before someone sees you. BUFFY: (whispering in horror) What did I do? SPIKE: We have to go, now! Spike grabs Buffy by the arms and drags her to her feet and away. Cut to another part of the forest. Spike is pulling Buffy by one arm. She is still in shock. They go around a tree and stop. SPIKE: All right. Listen to me. Buffy. (shakes her) Buffy! BUFFY: She's d*ad. SPIKE: It was an accident. BUFFY: I k*lled her. SPIKE: I'm gonna get you home. BUFFY: No! SPIKE: (firmly) I'm gonna get you home, and you're gonna crawl in your warm comfy bed and stay there! (softer) We're gonna sort this out. Trust me. Buffy stares at him in anguish. Cut to a view of this scene on a monitor. It beeps and zooms in closer, clearly showing the upset look on Buffy's face. WARREN: (O.S.) Two problems... Cut to a sh*t of Warren and Andrew as they sit side-by-side in the van looking at the monitors. The scratch marks on Warren's face are still evident. Warren makes a triumphant gesture. WARREN: ...one stone. The door opens. They both turn to look as Katrina climbs in and leans against the counter. There's a bruise on her cheek from where Buffy h*t her, and her mascara is running down her face. WARREN: Nice job. She totally bought it. KATRINA: (sarcastic) Yeah. Katrina shimmers and transforms into Jonathan. JONATHAN: (sarcastic) Some of my best work. ANDREW: What happens now? We see that Jonathan has the mascara streaks and the bruise. JONATHAN: (bitterly) Well, the night's young. Gotta be some more girls we could k*ll. WARREN: We stick to the plan! Buffy thinks she k*lled Katrina. Well, it's her problem now. Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Buffy lies in bed, asleep but tossing and turning. CREEPY VOICES: (whispering) What did you do... Buffy... What did you do... Buffy turns over restlessly, lying on her side facing the edge of the bed. SPIKE: (O.S.) It's all right, luv. Spike appears behind her, sliding under the covers, naked. He moves up behind her. Buffy opens her eyes, frowns. SPIKE: Shh, it's all right. It'll be our little secret. Spike kisses her bare shoulder. Buffy turns to face him, grabs his head and kisses him passionately. She rolls him over so that she's on top of him. Cut to: Spike's crypt. sh*t of Buffy's head and bare shoulders, sitting up, eyes closed in pleasure, moving rhythmically. She opens her eyes and looks down. sh*t of Spike lying underneath her, on the bed, looking up at her with an expression of pleasure, with his hands stretched up above him. We can see Buffy's hands resting on his chest. Buffy continues to move on top of him, leans forward. She runs her hands up Spike's arms and we see that his wrists are handcuffed together above his head. Buffy slides her hands up to just below where the cuffs are. sh*t of Buffy's face as she throws her head back in pleasure. Flash-cut to Buffy in the forest throwing a punch. Cut to Buffy in the forest straddling Katrina, holding Katrina's hands which are cuffed together. Buffy throws Katrina's hands down onto the ground above Katrina's head. Katrina lies underneath Buffy, looking up at her. BUFFY: Do you trust me? Katrina suddenly smiles. Then she makes an expression of pleasure and moans, but in Buffy's voice. Cut to Buffy and Spike in his crypt, lying on the floor under the rugs, moving fast, with Spike on top. Buffy moans in pleasure. Cut to Buffy in the graveyard punching Katrina. Cut to the head-sh*t of Buffy straddling Spike on his bed. She lifts her hand, holding a stake. sh*t of Spike lying underneath her, his eyes closed as if sleeping. Buffy thrusts down with the stake. Cut to the forest. Buffy is straddling Katrina who lies with her eyes closed and the stake protruding from her stomach. Katrina's eyes pop open. But they are the bright blue color of Spike's eyes. Cut to Buffy in her own bed as she wakes up from this nightmare. She is still wearing the turtleneck and is lying on top of the bed-covers. She sits up, panting and looking around. Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Dawn lies in bed sleeping, with a teddy bear beside her. Buffy walks in, wearing a brown leather jacket over her turtleneck. She stands and looks at Dawn. Then sits on the bed beside her, puts a hand on Dawn's arm. Dawn slowly wakes up. BUFFY: Hey. DAWN: (sleepy) What time is it? BUFFY: It's late. I just wanted... b*at. Dawn frowns sleepily. BUFFY: I love you. You know that, right? Dawn looks alarmed, sits up. DAWN: What's wrong? BUFFY: I know I haven't been everything I should be ... everything Mom was... (Dawn still looking scared) ...but I love you. (tearful) I always will. DAWN: Why are you talking like this? Buffy? BUFFY: There was an accident. In the woods. A girl ... she was hurt. I hurt someone. DAWN: Oh my god. Is she all right? BUFFY: (almost crying) No. Dawn looks shocked. BUFFY: I'm sorry. Dawn hugs her. BUFFY: There's something I have to do. I have to tell what I did. I have to go to the police. DAWN: (pulls back from the hug) The police? BUFFY: Dawnie, I have to. DAWN: But ... what's going to happen? BUFFY: I don't know. DAWN: (upset) They'll take you away. Won't they. BUFFY: I'm sorry. (looks down) DAWN: No, you're not. (Buffy looking surprised) You're never here. You can't even stand to be around me. BUFFY: That is not true. DAWN: (almost crying) You don't want to be here with me. You didn't want to come back. I know that. You were happier where you were. (crying) You want to go away again. BUFFY: Dawn... DAWN: Then go! You're not really here anyway. Dawn gets out of bed and runs out. Buffy sits looking upset. Cut to: exterior police station, night. Cop cars parked out front, various officers going in and out. Pan across the building to an alley beside it. Buffy appears in the alley mouth, walking slowly. SPIKE: (O.S.) What do you think you're doing? BUFFY: (keeps walking) The right thing. For once. Spike hurries up behind her, grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her back into the alley. Buffy struggles. He spins her around and throws her to the ground. SPIKE: Sorry, luv. (Buffy getting up) Can't let you do that. BUFFY: I have to tell them what happened. SPIKE: Nothing happened. BUFFY: (surprised) I k*lled that girl. SPIKE: Demons in the woods? Time going wonky? They won't believe you. BUFFY: I'll show them. SPIKE: (coolly) Show them what? Buffy's expression turns to anger as she realizes what he's saying. BUFFY: What did you do? SPIKE: I took care of it. BUFFY: (very angry) What ... did you do?! SPIKE: (firmly) What I had to. I went back and I took care of it. It doesn't matter now. No one will ever find her. COP #1: (O.S.) Where'd they find her? Cut back to front of the police station. Two cops emerge and rush toward a car. COP #2: The river. She washed up half a mile from the cemetery. Cut back to the alley. Spike and Buffy have heard this. Spike rolls his eyes in disgust. SPIKE: Oh ... balls. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. The police car zooms past the alley mouth, lights flashing, siren wailing. Both Buffy and Spike speak with urgency. SPIKE: There still isn't anything to connect this to you. BUFFY: It doesn't matter. SPIKE: It wasn't your fault! BUFFY: I k*lled her! SPIKE: It was an accident. It just happened. BUFFY: Nothing just happens. Buffy starts to walk toward the alley mouth. Spike grabs her arm. SPIKE: You're not going in there. BUFFY: I have to do this. Just let me go. SPIKE: I can't. I love you. BUFFY: (upset) No, you don't. SPIKE: (harshly) You think I haven't tried not to? Buffy hauls off and punches him in the face. Spike goes flying back into a couple of garbage cans, against the wall of the next building. BUFFY: Try harder. She starts to leave again but Spike is suddenly behind her, in vamp-face. He grabs her and again throws her to the ground farther up the alley. SPIKE: You are not throwing your life away over this. BUFFY: It's not your choice. SPIKE: Why are you doing this to yourself? BUFFY: (tearful) A girl is d*ad because of me. SPIKE: And how many people are alive because of you? How many have you saved? One d*ad girl doesn't tip the scale. BUFFY: That's all it is to you, isn't it? Just another body! SPIKE: (sighing) Buffy- She att*cks him. He blocks a couple of punches but then she gets in and hits him in the stomach. BUFFY: You can't understand why this is k*lling me, can you? SPIKE: Why don't you explain it? She hits him a few more times. He takes it, not fighting back. SPIKE: Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me. (She kicks him) That's my girl. BUFFY: (yelling) I am not your girl! She hits him hard. He falls back onto his butt. Buffy gets on top of him and begins hitting him over and over. BUFFY: You don't ... have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are d*ad inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never ... be your girl! She continues hitting him throughout this. Now Spike goes back to human face. He's looking very bruised and bloody, but he doesn't fight back, just takes it. Buffy hits him again and again, looking angry and desperate. Finally she stops and looks at him in horror. SPIKE: (slurred) You always hurt ... the one you love, pet. Buffy gets up, stares at him, looking dismayed. SPIKE: Buffy? She looks around, then her expression turns to determination. She starts to walk toward the mouth of the alley. Close on Spike lying on the ground as Buffy's legs move past him. He tries to reach for her but can't. SPIKE: Buffy... Cut to: interior police station. Buffy walks in, looks around. Various officers and other people walking around, sitting, etc. Buffy pauses, sees the front desk, walks toward it. We see the desk sergeant talking on the phone. DESK SERGEANT: (into phone) No, no statements. Not until I get confirmation. BUFFY: (timidly) Excuse me. I-I need to... DESK SERGEANT: Uh, I'll be with you in a sec. He pushes a button for another phone line. DESK SERGEANT: (into phone) Sunnydale PD. Yeah, the phone's ringing off the hook here. Buffy turns away, uncertain. She takes a few steps away, as we can still see the desk sergeant in the background. DESK SERGEANT: Listen, you got an ID on that body yet? (Buffy closes her eyes in pain) Yeah? Okay, sh**t. Close on the cop as he grabs a pen and writes. DESK SERGEANT: Katrina ... Silber. S-i-l-b-e-r. Back to Buffy whose expression changes to a frown as the name triggers recognition. KATRINA VOICEOVER: Warren, just tell her to go away. WARREN VOICEOVER: I can't. Flashback to "I was Made to Love You." Katrina and Warren stand in the doorway of the apartment while Buffy stands on the front step. KATRINA: You're keeping secrets from me. Other girls, and who knows what else! WARREN: Trina ... shut up. Flash to present. BUFFY: (to herself) Warren. Close on the desk sergeant. DESK SERGEANT: (into phone) Thanks. (hangs up) Now what's the problem, Miss... He trails off in confusion. Long sh*t of Buffy's back as she disappears through the door. The cop shrugs. Cut to: magic shop, day. Close on an open book showing a drawing of one of the demons from the forest. ANYA: (OS) Is this what you saw? We see Buffy sitting at the table. In background, we see Dawn sitting on the stairs that lead to the loft. BUFFY: Yeah, that's it. We see Xander and Willow sitting at the table as well, and Anya standing beside it. ANYA: Mm. The Rwasundi. Very rare. Um, its presence in our dimension causes a sort of ... localized temporal disturbance. BUFFY: So that's why time went all David Lynch? ANYA: Right. Uh, human perception is based on a linear chronology. Being exposed to the Rwasundi for more than a few seconds can cause, uh, vivid hallucinations. And a slight tingly scalp. (sits) WILLOW: So that's it. These things just made you think you k*lled her. XANDER: She was probably d*ad long before you stumbled across her. BUFFY: It wasn't the demons. It was Warren. He knew Katrina. He had something to do with it, I know it. WILLOW: How can you be sure? BUFFY: You always hurt the one you love. Buffy pauses, contemplating this. DAWN: (sullen, not looking at Buffy) Does this mean you're not going away? Buffy gets up and walks toward Dawn. BUFFY: Yeah. I'm not going anywhere. Dawn quickly gets to her feet and exits before Buffy can reach her. Buffy looks upset. She turns back to the Scoobies as the door to the back room closes behind Dawn. BUFFY: We need to find Warren, and the others. Whatever they've done, they're not gonna get away with it. Cut to the Geeks' new lair. They are gathered around a computer with Warren in the middle, working the keyboard. WARREN: We're gonna get away with it. (pointing at screen) "Injuries consistent with a fall." Close on the screen. It reads in part: CONFIDENTIAL FILES Coroners Summary Report Ruling: su1c1de Coroner: Willard Batts February 01, 2002 @ 0127 hrs. Victim sustained injuries consistent with a fall. Twenty-one year old Katrina Silber's death appears to have been caused by an accidental drowning or su1c1de. Cut back to sh*t of the three geeks looking at the screen. WARREN: The coroner's ruling it a su1c1de. JONATHAN: What about Buffy? WARREN: Well, it wasn't that hard messing her game up. If she figures it out ... we'll take care of her. ANDREW: We really got away with m*rder. Warren looks at Andrew, smirking. We see that the scratches on Warren's face are healing. ANDREW: That's ... kinda cool. Andrew grins a little. Jonathan looks at the other two, looks uncomfortable. Warren turns his smirk to Jonathan. JONATHAN: (weakly) Yeah. Cool. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Are you sure? Cut to Buffy's house, living room. Buffy sits on the coffee-table facing Tara, who sits on the sofa. TARA: I-I've double checked everything. (smiling) There's nothing wrong with you. BUFFY: Then why can Spike hurt me? TARA: Well, I said that there was nothing wrong with you, but ... you are different. Shifting you out of ... f-f-from where you were ... funneling your essence back into your body ... i-it, it altered you on a basic molecular level. Probably just enough to confuse the sensors or whatever in Spike's chip. But it's all just surfacey physical stuff. It wouldn't have any more effect than ... a bad sunburn. Buffy looks close to tears as she contemplates this. BUFFY: I didn't come back wrong? TARA: No, you're the same Buffy. (lightly) With a deep tropical cellular tan. BUFFY: You must have missed something. Will you check again? TARA: (concerned) Buffy, I-I promise, there's nothing wrong with you. BUFFY: There has to be! This just can't be me, it isn't me. (starting to cry) Why do I feel like this? Why do I let Spike do those things to me? TARA: You mean h*t you. Buffy meets Tara's eyes, but only for a moment, then looks away. Tara frowns as she begins to get it. TARA: Oh. Longer sh*t of the two of them. Tara rubs her knees nervously. TARA: Oh, huh. Really. BUFFY: He's everything I hate. He's everything that ... I'm supposed to be against. But the only time that I ever feel anything is when ... Don't tell anyone, please. TARA: I won't. BUFFY: (crying) The way they would look at me ... I just couldn't... TARA: I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't do that. BUFFY: (whispers) Why can't I stop? Why do I keep letting him in? TARA: (concerned) Do you love him? Buffy just stares at her tearfully. TARA: I-It's okay if you do. He's done a lot of good, and, and he does love you. A-and Buffy, it's okay if you don't. You're going through a really hard time, and you're... BUFFY: (still tearful) What? Using him? What's okay about that? TARA: It's not that simple. BUFFY: It is! It's wrong. I'm wrong. Tell me that I'm wrong, please... Buffy starts to cry for real now. BUFFY: Please don't forgive me, please... (sobbing) Please don't... She slides off the table onto the floor, kneeling, putting her head in Tara's lap. Tara looks uncertain, puts her hands comfortingly on Buffy's head. BUFFY: (sobbing, muffled) Please don't forgive me... Tara strokes her hair gently as she continues crying. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x13 - d*ad Things"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Dawn stealing a coin from the magic shop. Buffy and Dawn in Dawn's bedroom. DAWN: You're never here. You can't even stand to be around me. BUFFY: That is not true. DAWN: You didn't want to come back. I know that. You want to go away again. The demon poker game. SPIKE: I'm in. LOOSE-SKINNED DEMON: Ante up. Kittens mewing. BUFFY: You're gonna play cards?! Halfrek appearing in the living room. HALFREK: I have been called, and vengeance shall I wreak. Anya gasping. HALFREK: Hello. ANYA: Halfrek! HALFREK: Anyanka? Anya and Halfrek squealing and hugging. ANYA: How are you? XANDER: You two, you know each other? ANYA: Funny, Halfrek, I didn't summon you to k*ll Xander, I called to invite you to our wedding. Willow and Tara outside the magic shop. WILLOW: Tara. What are you doing here? Uh, it's okay for you to be here if you have things that ... you have to be here for. I'm doing better. No spells for 32 days. Tara and Buffy in the living room. TARA: Buffy, I promise, there's nothing wrong with you. BUFFY: There has to be. Why do I feel like this? Why do I let Spike do those things to me? Buffy and Spike kissing. TARA: Oh! BUFFY: Don't tell anyone, please. TARA: I won't. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a small table with several stakes and daggers on it. Reveal Buffy who begins putting the w*apon into a bag. We're in the Summers living room. Dawn stands behind Buffy. BUFFY: (sighs) I'm sorry. DAWN: It's okay. BUFFY: No, we're gonna sit down and have a real dinner. Someday. I hate having to run out in the middle, it's just, you know, there's this thing out there. Definitely non-vampire. DAWN: (smiling) I understand. Buffy picks up the bag, goes toward the door. DAWN: Well, maybe when you get back we can set up for your party tomorrow. BUFFY: Yeah. Uh, this could take a while though, I-I wouldn't wait up. (putting on her coat) Besides, Willow promised to be on birthday patrol, so there's nothing left for us to do. (smiling) DAWN: Right. BUFFY: Okay, so, finish dinner, homework, and don't stay up too late, all right? DAWN: Okay. BUFFY: Okay. Buffy turns to go. Dawn watches with a smile. As soon as the door closes behind Buffy, Dawn stops smiling. Stands there, alone, looking unhappy. Cut to graveyard, night. Buffy walks along holding a large axe with a metal handle. Suddenly a large demon with red skin and a spiny crest on its head leaps out behind her. Buffy whirls around. The demon swings a large sword at her. She ducks, then blocks with her axe. The demon's sword bends the axe handle, then pulls it out of Buffy's hand. It flies off and lands in the ground. The demon swings at Buffy again and she gets hold of his sword arm, twists it around behind his back. Suddenly the demon shimmers and disappears. Buffy looks around in confusion. The demon reappears behind her. She kicks him in the face, punches him, kicks again. He falls back. His sword goes flying up into the air. Buffy catches the sword on its way down. The demon charges her. She s*ab him right in the stomach. Blue light flashes out in a circle from the wound. The demon roars and grabs his stomach. Buffy pulls the sword out and falls back onto the ground. The sword lands point-down in the ground. The demon falls to his knees, still roaring. He shimmers and turns into a bolt of silver light that sh**t over to the sword and into it. We can see his face reflected in the sword's blade. Buffy is still on the ground, facing the other way. BUFFY: Run off, huh? Afraid to face a true warrior? She gets up and sees the sword. BUFFY: Ooh, shiny. She smiles, pulls the sword out of the ground and twirls it around. Walks off, holding it. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest starring Kali Rocha, Ryan Browning, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Drew Z. Greenberg, directed by Michael Gershman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open in the magic shop. Anya stands by the shelves dusting statues. ANYA: Do you think we should set up lots of candles for Buffy's party tomorrow? Pan over to reveal Xander and Willow sitting at a small round table doing paperwork. XANDER: Not if they're that horrible slug kind you keep trying to unload. ANYA: (walking past) I don't know why people get so turned off by slug. XANDER: Honey, slugs get turned off by slug. (to Willow) Oh, actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. WILLOW: Slugs? XANDER: No, the party. Or, Tara ... at the party. WILLOW: Oh. XANDER: It's just ... Buffy really wants her there. It seems important to her, so I told her I'd ask you. WILLOW: (smiling) Oh ... yeah, of course, she should totally be there. It'll be great. Dawn enters. She wears a red t-shirt with a beige sweater over it, and has a red coat over her arm. DAWN: (smiling) Hey! WILLOW: Hey, Dawnie. Buffy, uh, out patrolling already? (Dawn nods) XANDER: So, uh, anything new about Warren and the Nerd Herd? DAWN: No, just a big monster hunt. XANDER: Man, a nerd goes into hiding, he really goes into hiding. DAWN: Does anybody want to come to the mall with me for birthday presents? WILLOW: Oh, I would, honey, but ... I've got my group. You know, the whole Spellcasters Anonymous thing? We're still looking for a better name. DAWN: Oh. Well, yeah, uh, no, that-that's good. You should ... do that. (b*at) So what about you guys? ANYA: Stuck in doing-the-books-ville. XANDER: Aw, I'd love to go with you, but I gotta finish this new shift schedule for the crew by tomorrow morning. Dawn looks disappointed. WILLOW: Sorry, it just looks like one of those nights. You know? DAWN: Yeah. WILLOW: You okay going on your own? DAWN: Yeah. Somehow I'll, uh, manage to pull it off. Willow gives her a little smile. Dawn grimaces, turns to leave. Cut to: overhead sh*t of Sunnydale, night. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the Summers house. Cut to inside. Dawn enters the front door, cautiously, looking around. She is wearing the red coat. Pan across the foyer into the empty dining room. DAWN: Buffy? Dawn starts up the stairs. Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Overhead sh*t of Dawn as she enters, closes the door behind her, turns on the light. She puts her purse on the bed and reaches into her coat pockets. Cut to a closer sh*t as she pulls a handful of jewelry from the pockets, still with the price tags attached. She looks at the handful for a moment, puts it on the bed, takes out another handful of jewelry and puts that on the bed too. She takes off her red coat, revealing a tight shiny leather jacket that she wears over the red t-shirt. She goes over to the closet, opens the door revealing a full-length mirror. She checks out the jacket in the mirror. We can see the price tag still hanging from the sleeve. She pulls the jacket tightly around her. Cut to: high school classroom, next day. Pan across bored students. TEACHER: ...if we can come up with things Jim lost during his years in Shanghai, and things he gained. (sh*t of Dawn doodling) STUDENT: Excuse me. TEACHER: Who wants to- A student comes in and gives the teacher a piece of paper. TEACHER: Dawn. Dawn looks up, alarmed. TEACHER: They need you in the guidance office. Dawn continues looking alarmed as she gathers up her stuff. Cut to: long sh*t of Dawn walking down an empty hall lined with lockers. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR VOICEOVER: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Cut to the outside of the office. Through opened venetian blinds we can see Dawn sitting across the desk from the guidance counselor woman. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Just a follow-up after your ... your loss. And since I'm new here, I thought it would give us a chance to know each other. Cut to inside the office. The guidance counselor is a fairly young woman wearing a small blue pendant around her neck. DAWN: Great. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: So, I've been looking through your file (shuffling papers on her desk) and, um ... your grades have slipped a little. DAWN: I have really hard classes this quarter. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Yeah, still. Teachers say that you seem a little distracted lately. DAWN: I'm not. I-I'm fine. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Okay. It's just, you know, I know it must seem weird, (small laugh) talking to a stranger about stuff, but, um ... I want you to know that if something's going on, something's up, my job ... the most important part of my job ... is looking out for you. She smiles. Dawn looks surprised, returns a very small smile of her own. DAWN: I'm really okay. The counselor nods slowly, sits back. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: I know there's been ... a lot of loss. Dawn looks down. DAWN: (quietly) Yeah. Kinda. (looks up) I-I mean, yes. People keep ... people have a tendency to go away ... and, I miss them. And sometimes ... I wish I could just make them stop. Going away. The counselor smiles. Dawn pauses, waves her hands dismissively. DAWN: But seriously, it's, it's no big deal. I'm fine. Cut to: close sh*t on a table laden with several trays of hors d'oeuvres. XANDER: (OS) We're feeding an army! BUFFY: (OS) No, they couldn't make it. Pan out to reveal that it's the island in Buffy's kitchen. Anya is preparing the food while Buffy sits opposite. Xander stands beside Anya. XANDER: So, who's coming, you invite anyone else? BUFFY: Just you guys. Willow, Tara. The g*ng. Oh, and Sophie from work. Xander and Anya look at her, exchange a look. BUFFY: What? Like I'm one of those losers who can't make friends outside her tight little circle? No. I'm friendly. We bonded instantly. Peas in a pod. Bonded peas. ANYA: Really? Um, what's Sophie's last name? Buffy thinks for a moment, frowns. BUFFY: (pouting) Okay, shut up. XANDER: Don't worry about it, we're all over the new friend thing. (Anya smiling) BUFFY: What ... new friend thing? ANYA: (smiling) Well, well ... we invited someone for you. Buffy looks horrified. ANYA: (whispers) A guy. DAWN: (entering) For Buffy? Really? (smiling) XANDER: Ahh, don't worry, it's not a setup. ANYA: (grinning) Right. No. Just an attractive single man, with whom we hope you find much in common. (Buffy looking annoyed) And if you happen to form- XANDER: Ahn- ANYA: -a romantic relationship leading to babies- XANDER: Ahn- ANYA: -and many double dates with us so we have someone else to talk to, yay! Xander looks uncomfortable. BUFFY: I assume this was an act of kindness? (Xander looking embarrassed) That'll help with the not throttling. Buffy gives Xander a meaningful look. He gives a fake laugh. XANDER: Hey, I'm just gonna get this stuff out there, people should be here soon. He picks up some of the food. Cut to the foyer, later. Buffy opens the door to reveal Tara, holding a small gift box. BUFFY: Hey! You made it! They smile and hug. TARA: Of course, sweetie. (pulls back) So, how're you doing? BUFFY: Oh, you know. Better. Mostly. (Tara looking sympathetic) Sometimes. TARA: So, is, um... (looks around) Spike coming? BUFFY: No. He may be a chip-head, but ... he still doesn't play too well with others. Tara smiles, turns to put down the gift and hang up her coat. BUFFY: Besides, I'm definitely not ready to, to... TARA: (turns back) Come out. BUFFY: (smiles) Yeah. I'm all ... stay-inny. Tara smiles and nods. Cut to upstairs. Willow is standing in front of a mirror, very nervously adjusting her clothing. Cut back to downstairs. BUFFY: How are you doing? TARA: (anxious) The word "gulp" comes to mind. BUFFY: (sympathetic) Just remember, we're all here...to... Willow appears at the top of the stairs, coming down. Tara looks nervous. BUFFY: ...I have to, with the thing that I, uh... Coming! Buffy exits ungracefully. Tara and Willow face each other nervously. WILLOW: Hey. TARA: Hey. WILLOW: Hey. (pause) How are you? TARA: Fine, thanks, I'm ... I'm fine. I, how are you? WILLOW: (smiling) Great! I mean... (stops smiling) Fine. I'm, I'm ... finey McFine. Fine. TARA: Y-you look... WILLOW: (smiles) Thanks. (stops smiling, looks embarrassed) TARA: I mean ... great. WILLOW: (embarrassed) Thanks. You do too. Is that a new- TARA: Oh, yeah. (glancing nervously at her dress) WILLOW: It's nice. TARA: Thanks. Very awkward silence. TARA: I-I'm gonna get something to drink. WILLOW: Oh, yeah, great. You should. Tara exits toward the kitchen. WILLOW: (muttering to herself) You don't wanna get thirsty. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy is filling paper cups from a large pitcher. Tara enters. BUFFY: Hey, how did it- TARA: Yes please. Tara takes a cup from Buffy's hand and drinks. Buffy looks surprised. Knocking at the back door. Buffy stands up. Spike enters, holding a 6-pack of beer under one arm. Someone else enters behind him but we can't see who it is. BUFFY: (surprised) Spike. SPIKE: Yeah. Willow mentioned the shindig ... figured we're all part of the team. We see that Spike still has a large bruise over one eye from being beaten by Buffy in "d*ad Things." Buffy gives Tara a nervous look. SPIKE: Thought I'd, uh, swing by. Reveal the other person behind Spike. It's the loose-skinned demon from the poker game in "Life Serial." Buffy frowns. BUFFY: Wait, what kind of team is this? DEMON: Hi. We met once before. BUFFY: Yes, yes we did. SPIKE: You know, more, merrier, that whole thing. DEMON: (to Tara) Hi, I'm Clement. Clem. TARA: Tara. Xander enters with a young hunky blond man wearing a red shirt (Star Trek fans, take note). XANDER: Buffy, Richard. BUFFY: (smiling) Hey. XANDER: He was wondering where the best place was to park his car. BUFFY: Oh, that's easy, just-(pointing) XANDER: Buffy will show ya. Xander shoves Richard toward Buffy. They look at each other nervously. BUFFY: Okay, uh... (to Tara) I'll be right back. Over Richard's shoulder, Buffy looks at Spike. He raises one eyebrow. Buffy takes Richard's arm and leads him toward the front. Richard pauses in the doorway. RICHARD: (whispers) Uh ... the guy with the... BUFFY: Skin condition. He doesn't like to talk about it. Buffy leads Richard away. SPIKE: Stupid git! (closing the back door) TARA: I don't know. He seemed ... cute. W-was he cute? I mean, I'm not a very good judge, but... Spike scowls. TARA: (grinning) I think he seemed cute. CLEM: (agreeably) I think he seemed cute, yeah. Spike gives them both a look of outrage. Cut to the living room. Xander sits on the sofa; Dawn and Anya stand nearby. DAWN: If we get Buffy, can, can she start on opening the presents? It's been enough time, hasn't it? ANYA: Not yet, sweetie. XANDER: I think Buffy's busy right now. ANYA: (as if talking to a small child) Buffy's making a new friend. A grown-up friend. DAWN: What, you mean the guy you invited to set her up with? ANYA: Nothing. DAWN: It's not like I don't understand why you invited him. I was there, remember? I can hear you when I'm in the room, you know? (Anya just nodding) I do understand these things. ANYA: (patronizing) Yes you do! (patting Dawn on the head) DAWN: You know I'm in high school, right? ANYA: Yes you are! Dawn stares at Anya in disbelief. Cut to Buffy coming down from upstairs. Spike intercepts her in the foyer and backs her into a corner. SPIKE: You wanna slip away for a minute, luv? BUFFY: What? SPIKE: I'll let you blow out my candles. BUFFY: Here. Now? I don't think so. SPIKE: Oh, what, you worried about Richard? You don't wanna make your new boyfriend jealous, huh? BUFFY: (grinning) Shut up. He's ... sweet. SPIKE: (teasing) "Oh, shut up, he's sweet." BUFFY: Maybe he's not the jealous one. Spike looks surprised. Buffy moves past him and away. SPIKE: You think he'll take you out on his ten-speed, pet? (to himself) Maybe he'll let you ride in that little basket in the front. (scoffs) Jealous my ass. He sighs, looks around in frustration. Cut to later. Buffy sits on the sofa, looking skeptically at a device with a large head with two round knobs on it. BUFFY: Uh... We see Willow sitting on Buffy's right. Dawn sits on Buffy's left, fidgeting very obviously. WILLOW: See? i-it's a battery-operated back massager. And it's portable so you can take it with you on patrol. BUFFY: (dubious) Wow. WILLOW: (smiling) It's like, instant gratification for all your little acheys. Buffy looks over at Spike leaning in the doorway. Spike raises his eyebrow and gives his best suggestive smirk. BUFFY: (quickly) Great! Thanks! (puts the massager aside) Uh, what's next? DAWN: (excited) Here, do mine. Dawn turns to pick up a large flat box behind her, gives it to Buffy. Buffy begins unwrapping it. sh*t of Spike watching, glancing over at Clem. sh*t of Clem and Tara watching. Buffy removes the paper to reveal a plain white box. She opens it and looks inside. BUFFY: (surprised) Dawn. Close sh*t on the box, containing the black leather jacket that Dawn was wearing earlier. DAWN: (smiling) Do you like it? BUFFY: (lifting it out of the box) It's ... gorgeous. DAWN: I was so nervous. I was afraid you wouldn't like it. Buffy looks at the jacket, frowns. Close sh*t on the sleeve which has the security tag attached. BUFFY: I-it still has the security tag on it. Dawn looks alarmed, covers quickly. DAWN: Huh. That's so weird. I can't believe they didn't take that off. Buffy stares at her. XANDER: (OS) Happy birthday, Buffy! Everyone turns to see Xander and Anya wheeling in a large wooden chest. BUFFY: Oh my god! Xander and Anya place the chest in the middle of the room and gesture proudly. BUFFY: Did you guys make that? Buffy gets up, thrusting the box with the jacket into Dawn's lap. Dawn looks dismayed. ANYA: Uh, well, uh, Xander did the building. (Dawn still looking upset) I offered helpful suggestions while observing from a safe distance. Buffy kneels down to open the chest. Xander holds the lid open and leans over to speak softly so Richard won't hear. XANDER: Holds basic w*apon, (Buffy smiling) plus a few non-basic ones too. (loudly) Plus, there's a handsome CD holder. sh*t of Dawn looking disgusted, folding the jacket back into the box. ANYA: (OS) We wanted you to have something no one else would have. BUFFY: (OS) A Xander Harris original. Sound of the doorbell ringing. BUFFY: I love it. Thanks, you guys! Buffy leans across the chest to kiss Xander on the cheek. In background we see Tara opening the front door. TARA: Buffy? Buffy hugs Anya, turns around. BUFFY: Oh! Sophie! We see a nervous-looking young woman standing in the doorway. BUFFY: Welcome! (Sophie exchanging smiles with Tara) Uh, we're somewhere between, uh, presents and cake. (to Anya) There is gonna be cake eventually, right? (Anya nodding) SOPHIE: (walking into the living room) Hey. Uh, my mom told me to say thank you right away, 'cause, otherwise I usually forget. So, thank you. Buffy and Anya listen to this politely. We see Spike in the background watching. SOPHIE: And, also, um, I can't have any, any chocolate, or, or peanuts or egg yolks. ANYA: (whispers to Buffy) Is this the friend you brought from work? BUFFY: Yes. SOPHIE: A-and sometimes dairy. BUFFY: No problem. Sophie looks around at the others. Clem gives her a friendly smile and wave. Tara smiles too. ANYA: (whispers to Buffy) Our friend is better. Dawn gets up and moves toward the foyer as Sophie moves farther inside. Spike remains leaning against the door frame. BUFFY: (OS) Uh, we can do official introductions now that everyone's officially here. Dawnie, you mind getting the door? Dawn goes past Spike and Tara to the open door. BUFFY: (OS) Sophie, this is Anya ... and Willow... sh*t from on the porch looking in. Dawn stands in the doorway, looks unhappily back at the party, then outside. Slowly, she closes the door. Pan across the outside of the door to the porch. Dawn's guidance counselor walks out of the shadows, on the porch. She walks over to the front door, smiling slightly. She stops walking and her face morphs into demon-face -- she is Halfrek. She speaks in her deep resonant demon voice (see episode "Doublemeat Palace"). HALFREK: Wish granted. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the party. Loud rock music is playing. Pan across Sophie and Clem dancing together. Pan across Willow sitting in a chair with Xander sitting on its arm, both talking and moving to the b*at. Pan to the sofa where Anya sits waving her hand to the b*at. Dawn sits beside her, looking bored. Zoom in on Dawn. She looks like she's trying to pretend she's enjoying herself. She experiments with a couple of different smiles. Cut to the foyer. Buffy comes out of the dining room and encounters Richard in the hall. RICHARD: Hey. BUFFY: Hi. RICHARD: Great party. Everyone's havin' fun. BUFFY: (smiling) I hope so. RICHARD: I mean, look what time it is and no one's even thinking about leaving. I, uh ... can't tear myself away. BUFFY: (smiling uncertainly) Yeah? RICHARD: Yeah. Can I get you a drink? Behind Richard we see Spike appear in the living-room doorway, observing. BUFFY: Uh ... I'm good, thank you. RICARD: Okay. BUFFY: (awkward) I think I'll just ... head back in. RICHARD: Well ... I'll look for you. BUFFY: (smiling) Okay. Richard smiles, goes past her and into the dining room. SPIKE: Ooh, Buffy. (Buffy rolling her eyes) Can I get you a soda pop? I think I'm in looove. Spike walks up to her, smirking. He tries to take her hands but she pulls them away. But she is smiling too. BUFFY: Stop it. Someone's gonna see. She walks toward the kitchen. Spike follows, stops her at the doorway, putting one hand on the wall beside her head to block her way. SPIKE: Mm-hmm. He puts his other hand on her shoulder, runs it down her arm, takes her hand and pulls it onto his thigh. Someone appears at the other end of the hall. Buffy quickly pulls her hand back as both she and Spike look over. It's Tara, looking a bit taken aback. Buffy glances at Spike, pushes past him and exits toward the kitchen. Spike looks at Tara with a slightly nervous smile. Tara looks innocent. SPIKE: I had ... a ... muscle cramp. Buffy was, uh, helping. TARA: (small grin) A muscle cramp? In your ... (looks down at him, then away) pants? SPIKE: What, it's a thing. TARA: (grinning) Right. She walks off. Spike looks disgruntled. ANYA VOICEOVER: No, you go. Cut to the dining room. Xander sits in a chair with Anya on his lap, both nuzzling each other in disgusting coupley fashion. Sophie and Willow sit opposite. XANDER: (teasing, nuzzling) No, you go. ANYA: (teasing, nuzzling) No, you go. WILLOW: Okay! Xander and Anya stop, look over at Willow. WILLOW: It's just a beer run, I'll go. SOPHIE: Oh, well, I can't really drink beer, 'cause you know, barley. But I'll go with you to get some. WILLOW: Perfect. Here we go. The beer-gettin'. They all continue to sit there, not moving. After a moment Willow leans over and puts her head on the table. Xander and Anya resume nuzzling. Cut to the living room. Dawn, Buffy, Richard, and Anya are playing Monopoly on the coffee-table. BUFFY: This sucks. I'm out. (giving money to Anya) RICHARD: No way. I think you're doing fine. Pan over to the other table where Clem, Xander, Spike, and Tara are playing cards. XANDER: (to Buffy) You wanna try poker? CLEM: Still say it's weird without the kittens. BUFFY: No kittens. (Richard giving her a funny look) He's quirky. RICHARD: Look, we've already been playing for like three hours, it's, you know, it's like two-something in the morning. You can't bail now. ANYA: Yeah, come on, Buffy, stay. I wanna bankrupt somebody. (Buffy giving her a sour look) DAWN: Oh! We should totally have a slumber party. BUFFY: (uncertain) Oh, I don't know... (looking around) I guess, as long as everyone's staying up anyway. SPIKE: Must be some late-night activities to keep us busy till morning. (giving Buffy a suggestive look) (Buffy glaring at him) TARA: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you? SPIKE: What? Oh. Yeah. TARA: Maybe you, uh, wanna put some ice on it. Tara gives an innocent little smile. Spike looks confused, frowns, looks at his cards. sh*t of the foursome playing Monopoly. Close sh*t of Dawn looking around and smiling hugely. Cut to later. Sunlight coming in the windows. Willow and Sophie are asleep on the sofa. Xander, Dawn, and Clem sit on the floor watching cartoons on TV. The Monopoly game, food, beverages, presents, etc. are scattered everywhere. Pan across the room to Buffy and Spike sitting on the floor beside the new w*apon chest. Buffy is shuffling the deck of cards. Richard enters from the kitchen. RICHARD: Hey Xander, we gotta be at work in a few minutes. Close sh*t of the three watching TV. XANDER: (staring at TV) Okay. sh*t of the cartoons playing on the TV. RICHARD: I can't be late today. SPIKE: You should definitely go. Let's find your coat and get you on your merry way. BUFFY: Spike. RICHARD: (confused) I don't know why I'm not leaving. SPIKE: Me either. Besides, Richie, you can't skip breakfast. Growing boy like you. (Buffy glaring at him) Me, I used to love breakfast. In the old days, I probably would have eaten by now. (looks menacingly at Richard) BUFFY: Of course, with that new diet of yours, you wanna be careful what you try puttin' in your mouth now, Spikey. (giving him a meaningful look) SPIKE: Yeah? I don't know. Tummy's making all kinds of gurglies. Maybe I oughta just feed on whatever's around... (Buffy looking at Richard. Richard looking bemused) even if it doesn't go down well. (to Richard) You, uh, work out? BUFFY: Okey-dokey. Buffy quickly gets up, grabs Spike by his sleeve, hauls him to his feet and toward the door. BUFFY: (to Richard) 'Scuse us. Buffy hauls Spike into the foyer. BUFFY: Hey, Mister Passive-Aggressive Guy. Seriously, you wanna take it down a notch or two in there? SPIKE: What, poor dainty Richard can't take a joke? BUFFY: (firmly) We do not joke about eating people in this house! SPIKE: (angrily) What are you gonna do, b*at me up again? BUFFY: I should have thrown you out the second you got here. (Spike rolling his eyes) I was insane to ever think you could just hang out with my friends. SPIKE: And *I* was insane to think... (pauses) No, wait. You were right. *You're* insane. Cut to the kitchen. Tara is pouring milk into a bowl of cereal. WILLOW: (OS) Oh, hi. TARA: (looks up) Hey. Willow walks over, stands by the island across from Tara. TARA: Breakfast. Didn't really plan for a sleep-over. WILLOW: I know, me either. It's weird, I ... I have class, and I know I should go, but...(sits) TARA: I know, i-it's like, I wanna leave, but I don't want to. WILLOW: (smiles) Exactly. Tara smiles back. Cut back to the foyer. Buffy and Spike continue arguing. BUFFY: (angrily) I think it's time for you to go. SPIKE: Yeah, well, can't. (gesturing) Daylight. BUFFY: Okay. I'll go. SPIKE: I'll get the door. BUFFY: Fine! SPIKE: Fine! BUFFY: I'm actually trying to move right now. SPIKE: (quieter) Me too. They both stand there, not moving. Buffy sighs, frowns. BUFFY: Well ... this can't be good. Spike shakes his head, agreeing. Cut to the living room. The entire party is gathered. They all sit or stand around, staring at each other. BUFFY: There's something keeping us in this house. XANDER: Or someone. TARA: Has everyone tried to get out? WILLOW: What if we just, like, as a group, got up and, and threw ourselves at the door? XANDER: All right. Count of three. (everyone preparing) One ... two ... three! No one moves. XANDER: Here we go! Still nothing. Buffy looks around. sh*t of Dawn sitting off to the side, looking sullen. BUFFY: Hence the problem. RICHARD: I really need to go. I mean, I have a job to get to. ANYA: I have to open the Magic Box. SOPHIE: I have a shift at the DoubleMeat. (thinks) Actually, I'm okay here. CLEM: Yeah, I'm, I'm fine. XANDER: Willow and Tara have class, I gotta be at the site. BUFFY: I know, I know, we all have places that we'd rather be. sh*t of Dawn looking up at that, looking upset. SPIKE: (softly) Things we'd rather be doing. BUFFY: I think the first priority has to be to find a way out. DAWN: Sure. Of course you all wanna leave. (Buffy looking at her) 'Cause being stuck in here with me, that would really suck, right? Buffy frowns slightly. WILLOW: No, Dawnie! It's just, we have more important things to do. DAWN: (disgusted) Yeah, I know. Important. (gets up) Whatever that means, right? Dawn storms past them and up the stairs. They all watch her go. Everyone looks at Buffy. Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Dawn runs in, flops down on her stomach on the bed. Buffy enters, followed by Tara, Willow, Xander, and Spike. BUFFY: Dawn? DAWN: What? BUFFY: Did you do something? DAWN: (exasperated) Me? TARA: Do you know something? 'Cause we want you to feel like you can tell us. Dawn sits up, turns to face them. DAWN: (angrily) What would I know? WILLOW: Look, we're not accusing you of anything, it's just ... you were kind of taking it personal down there. DAWN: Oh. Okay. So you've all just decided that somehow I'm responsible. (sourly) Great. Here's me baskin' in the love. XANDER: No, it's just, you know, you're upset 'cause we all wanna leave. And now we can't leave. Only thing missing is a cornfield. There ... there isn't a cornfield, is there? BUFFY: Dawnie, it's okay. You know, we're not gonna be mad. DAWN: Yeah, only I didn't do anything! WILLOW: You sure? DAWN: You want me to ask my other self? BUFFY: Dawn, we're just trying to figure out what's going on. DAWN: (angrily) Figure it out yourself. I'm done being talked to like a kid. XANDER: Well, 'cause you know, sometimes we do something that seems like a good idea at the time, like, say, invoke the power of a musical amulet? And it turns out, you know, not so much. DAWN: God! I didn't do anything! I wish I had. (Buffy frowning) I'm glad you're trapped. (very angrily) How else can I get anybody to spend any time with me? BUFFY: Dawn. If you want us to spend time with you- DAWN: I don't. Get out. Buffy stares at her. DAWN: (shrieking) Get out, get out, get out! The others exit, leaving only Buffy and Dawn. Dawn turns away angrily, lies down on her stomach on the bed again. Buffy stares at her for a moment, then leaves. ANYA VOICEOVER: I think she's possessed. Cut to downstairs. Anya and Xander sit side-by-side on the sofa. XANDER: She's a teenager. We see Buffy, Willow, and Spike sitting around too. Tara comes in from the dining room. TARA: Phones are all out, we're totally cut off. They all sigh and groan. BUFFY: (quietly) She's just so angry. TARA: It happens. We all went through it. BUFFY: I know. I just can't figure out why she didn't come to me. XANDER: Well, you have been a little busy lately. Xander and Anya look at Buffy. She looks grim. SPIKE: Hey, I don't wanna keep you all from the touchy-feelies, but maybe the encounter group can meet later. Say, when we're not trapped in a house. TARA: Even if Dawn does know something, she's obviously not gonna help us right now. We need another way. BUFFY: I think magic's gonna be our best bet. (Willow looking alarmed) Something general, you know? Cast a wide net. (Tara nodding) XANDER: But ... Willow. (gesturing toward Willow with his head) TARA: No, I'll do it. (Willow fidgeting nervously) It's just, o-obviously I didn't bring any supplies. Willow looks guilty. BUFFY: (OS) Well, we don't have any in the house. We got rid of everything. WILLOW: Actually ... not everything. (guilty) I, uh... might have ... kept one or, or two things. Sort of. Tara and Buffy look shocked. WILLOW: ...just in case. XANDER: That's great! b*at. Anya, Tara, and Buffy look somber. XANDER: ...in a very bad way. (shaking finger at Willow) Tara sighs, stands up. TARA: (to Willow) Just ... bring me what you have. (firmly) But I'm doing this alone. You need to stay away from it. Tara exits, leaving the others to sit around looking grim. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the house, day. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy and Xander watch as Tara mixes ingredients, using kitchen implements and bowls. She scoops a damp mixture of herbs from one bowl into another and mashes it down. Cut to the foyer. Willow, Spike, and Anya stand in a row in front of the front door. ANYA: So we're supposed to just wait? WILLOW: It won't take long. Sophie, Richard, and Clem appear in the dining-room doorway. RICHARD: All right, somebody wanna tell me what's, what's going on here? We're trapped in a house by ... by what, some unseen force or something. (gesturing at the door) Who knows what she's doing in there. (pointing to the kitchen) And I have to tell you... (looks back at Clem scratching his head with clawed fingers) I don't think that's a skin condition. Cut back to the kitchen. Tara uses a match to set her mixture on f*re, then blows out the match. Red smoke billows up out of the bowl. sh*t of the smoke curling in a wavy line through the door toward the living room. TARA: Release. The smoke curls over to where the demon sword is sitting, leaning against a china cabinet. The smoke swirls around the sword. TARA: (calls) Try the door! Spike steels himself. Close sh*t of his hand curling into a fist. Close sh*t of his feet trying to move. sh*t of the sword as the last of the magic swirls into it and a silvery puddle begins to swirl out of it onto the floor. Close sh*t on Spike's face as he grits his teeth and concentrates on the door. Close sh*t on the closed door. Willow and Anya both look at Spike. Close sh*t on Spike's fist uncurling. SPIKE: (annoyed) No. Can't. They all look disappointed. Richard, Sophie, and Clem walk out into the foyer to join the other three. They all stare at the door. Spike rubs his forehead. Close sh*t on the still-closed door. Cut back to the living room. The fully re-formed demon picks up his sword. He growls. Sunlight glints off the sword blade. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the foyer. Clem, Sophie, Willow, Spike, Anya, and Richard stand staring at the closed door. The demon att*cks them from the living room, growling. Everyone scatters, some of them screaming. The demon enters the foyer and swings his sword, slashing Richard across the stomach. On the back-swing, his sword arm hits Spike, who grabs the arm and struggles with the demon. Buffy, Xander, and Tara enter from the kitchen. Buffy tackles the demon, both landing on the living-room floor. Spike follows them in. The demon melts into the floor and disappears. Buffy sits up, frowning, then stands up. She and Spike exchange a confused look. Xander, Tara, and Anya bend over the injured Richard. The demon reappears behind Buffy, lifting his sword in both hands. Buffy grabs his hands. He shoves her back. She flies into Spike, and both of them go down. The demon disappears again. Buffy gets to her feet again. SPIKE: What the bloody hell was that? BUFFY: That's the demon I k*lled two nights ago. SPIKE: The demon you thought you k*lled. XANDER: It looks pretty bad. Buffy looks over in horror at Richard. ANYA: Oh god. Oh, god. They roll Richard over onto his back, revealing a bloody gash that goes all the way across his stomach. TARA: Let's get him upstairs. (to Buffy) We need to get him to a doctor soon. BUFFY: (addressing everyone) Hey, i-it's gonna be okay. Spike looks annoyed, gets up off the floor. BUFFY: Just trust me, I promise we'll be out of here soon. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the house, night. Cut to inside. Sophie stands holding a curtain aside, looking out at the darkness. SOPHIE: Oh god. Oh god. Pull back to reveal the living room. Spike stands a little ways behind Sophie, arms folded. Buffy walks into the sh*t between them. BUFFY: Okay, so maybe 'soon' was a bit of an overstatement. SPIKE: So, you ever think about *not* celebrating a birthday? Just to try it, I mean. BUFFY: I'm gonna go check upstairs. Keep an eye on things down here? Spike nods. Buffy turns to go. BUFFY: You stay here, okay? We see that Buffy was addressing Dawn, who sits on the sofa looking sullen. Close sh*t on Dawn as Buffy exits. Weird creaking noises. Dawn looks around in alarm. Spike looks around too. DAWN: What's that noise? It's in the walls, isn't it? Spike leans close to the wall, listening. Creaking noises continue. Spike moves slowly along the wall, listening. Cut to Willow's bedroom. Richard lies on the bed trembling and breathing shallowly. Tara sits beside him, tending to his wound. Willow stands nearby. Creaking noises continue. Willow and Tara look around nervously. Tara resumes cleaning Richard's wound with a piece of gauze and a bottle of antiseptic. Richard looks around nervously. The noises continue. Cut to the hallway. Buffy walks along slowly, holding a dagger, looking around. Looking the other way, she comes upon Clem and they both gasp in alarm. CLEM: (nervously) Sorry. Buffy sighs. Cut to another part of the house. Anya and Xander sit on the floor. Anya is panting and fiddling with the lapels of her white blouse, which is partly unbuttoned. She wears a black t*nk-top underneath it. ANYA: Why is it so hot in here? XANDER: You're just a little freaked out, that's all. It'll pass. ANYA: He's gonna die. He's gonna die, and we're gonna watch. XANDER: Ahn... ANYA: And we're just sitting here. Why are we just sitting here? Why aren't we doing something? XANDER: We are. We will. We've been through worse. ANYA: (panting, rubbing her chest) Not like this. Not trapped like animals. Seriously, did someone turn on the heat? (unbuttoning her blouse) I can't breathe, I just ... oh, I just can't breathe ... I can't breathe... XANDER: (grabbing her hands) Ahn, stop. Stop, Ahn, stop! He manages to stop her, and she turns to look at him. XANDER: Listen to me. You're just freaking out, okay? It's normal. You're just ... you're just scared. We all are. We'll come up with a plan ... and we'll get through it, all right? (Anya nodding, creaking noises continue) We'll do something. ANYA: What? XANDER: I don't know. (brushing hair out of her face) Lemme get you some water, okay? (Anya nodding) It'll cool you down. I'll be back in a second, okay? Stay here, don't move. He gets up and leaves. Anya sits there panting. Cut to the foyer. Xander comes down the stairs. Creaking noises continue. He looks around nervously. He reaches the bottom, turns toward the kitchen. Suddenly the demon emerges from the wall behind Xander and grabs him from behind. sh*t of Anya sitting in the dark by herself as we hear Xander scream. sh*t of Xander being held around the middle, arms pinned to his sides, with the sword at his throat. sh*t of Spike hearing, running toward the noise. ANYA: Xander? Xander struggles with the demon. Spike rushes in, grabs the demon's sword arm and tries to pull it away. But he can't, so instead he knuckle-punches the demon in the ribs. The demon growls and hits Spike with his elbow. Spike goes down. The demon throws Xander aside. He hits the wall and crouches there. Buffy rushes in, still holding the dagger. The demon turns to att*ck her. She ducks a sword-thrust. The demon kicks her dagger hand, and the dagger goes flying. The demon whirls around with the sword, slicing Xander's arm. Then turns back to Buffy. BUFFY: Grab the sword! She kicks the demon and ducks another swing as Spike gets up and grabs the demon's sleeve, punches it in the face. The demon flings Spike back and he goes down yet again. Buffy grabs the demon's arms and kicks him in the stomach. He reels back and melts into the wall again. Spike gets up on his elbows and both he and Buffy watch the demon disappear. BUFFY: Are you hurt? sh*t of Xander on the floor, groaning in pain. BUFFY: Here, let me see. Buffy takes a step forward but doesn't actually go to either of the men. ANYA: (OS) Xander. Xander looks up. Anya stands at the foot of the stairs staring at him. Xander gets painfully to his feet and goes to Anya. XANDER: It's okay. I'm okay, see? Shh. He strokes her face gently and leans his forehead against hers. XANDER: (whispers) It's all right. I'm okay. sh*t of Buffy watching this wistfully. Fade to later. Buffy comes around a corner from the dining room to the foyer, and finds Dawn standing against a wall. Creaking noises continue. BUFFY: It's getting kinda scary. You okay? DAWN: (sullen, not looking at Buffy) Do you care? BUFFY: (exasperated) Fine. Stay with Spike. Buffy walks off. Cut to upstairs. Buffy walks into her bedroom. Dawn comes in behind her. DAWN: It's not like I meant for this to happen. BUFFY: I never said that you did. DAWN: I didn't want this. Buffy turns to face her. BUFFY: What did you want? DAWN: (softly) Nothing. BUFFY: Dawn, come on. DAWN: No. You don't know! You have this thing you do. You have all these friends. (softly) You have no idea what it's like. BUFFY: What are you talking about? I don't know what, what- DAWN: Being alone! BUFFY: You're not alone! DAWN: Then why do I feel like this? Cut to the dining room. Tara and Spike standing next to each other. TARA: I just think we haven't thought of the right way out yet, that's all. Reveal Xander and Willow standing nearby, and Anya sitting at the dining-room table. SPIKE: Well, we can't just stay put like cattle, waiting for that thing to pop out every time it gets peckish. TARA: I'd say we do another spell, but I, I think we've tried everything. ANYA: Well ... that's not completely true, is it? (Tara frowning) I mean, not everything. (looks at Willow) Not exactly. (Willow looking nervous) We're sitting here with an incredibly powerful witch ... much more powerful than you, Tara, I'm sorry ... only no one seems willing to say it. WILLOW: I can't. ANYA: No, see, that's not exactly true either. (angrily) Not can't, won't. WILLOW: You don't know how much I hate this. I don't know if there's even ... anything I could do. ANYA: Yes ... and a good way to find out is to sit around and try nothing. That was sarcasm, by the way. SPIKE: Look- WILLOW: It's dangerous. ANYA: And so is all of us dying! XANDER: Will ... look, I don't wanna g*ng up on you ... but Anya kinda has a point. (Willow looking anxious) We brought you back from it once. We're all here, it's just one little spell, (Spike shaking his head) whatever happens, we can bring you back again. WILLOW: (firmly) No. I can't. (to Anya) If I start, I ... I might not be able to stop. ANYA: And whose fault is that? (stands up, walks toward Willow) You know, if you hadn't gotten so much of this in your system in the first place- TARA: Hey! You're gonna back off! Tara gets in between Willow and Anya, faces Anya down. TARA: She said no, and that's it. You're not gonna make her do something that she doesn't want to. And if you try... (folds arms across her chest) You're gonna have to go through me first. Understood? Anya glares at her. ANYA: Fine. If you all aren't willing to get us out of this, then I will do it myself. Anya walks past the witches and goes up the stairs. sh*t of Sophie and Clem sitting on the sofa, watching Anya. Then exchanging a look. Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Buffy and Dawn sit on the bed side-by-side. BUFFY: I wish you would have told me. DAWN: You haven't really been... BUFFY: What? I haven't been what? DAWN: Around. BUFFY: Dawn ... the most important job that I have ... is looking out for you. DAWN: (small smile) You sound like my guidance counselor. She give you a handbook or something? 'Talkin' to the Troubled Teen'? BUFFY: (frowning) Counselor? DAWN: It wasn't my idea. I didn't even know we had guidance counselors. She called me out of class like I was a total J.D. BUFFY: And you'd ... never met her before? DAWN: No, not until yesterday. BUFFY: And ... she got you to start talking about things that bothered you at home? DAWN: (uncertain) Uh ... yeah? BUFFY: You didn't, by any chance, happen to ... express like a, a wish, or-or something, to her? DAWN: (nervous) Um ... maybe just a little. Sound of thumping and crashing. Dawn and Buffy look up, both jump up. Cut to Dawn's room. Anya is pulling books and stuff off the shelves. XANDER: Honey, come on, this isn't the way, calm down. ANYA: (still searching) She knows something. She knows something, we have to find out what it is. Anya begins looking through the drawers of Dawn's desk. Dawn and Buffy enter. DAWN: Hey! XANDER: Ahn, just stop for a second. ANYA: There's gotta be a clue in here somewhere. DAWN: Stop it! Dawn starts forward, but Buffy stops her. BUFFY: Anya, it wasn't her fault. Anya picks up a small red box from the desk. DAWN: No! Anya opens the box and Dawn's stash of stolen jewelry falls out onto the floor. Anya stares in shock, bends down to look. Xander, Buffy, and Dawn stare in varying degrees of surprise and dismay. ANYA: Half this stuff is from the Magic Box. Anya picks up a few things, then picks up the entire handful, straightens up and glares at Dawn. ANYA: How could you do this? Buffy looks at Dawn, who looks upset and goes running out of the room. Anya follows, then Buffy and Xander. Cut to downstairs. Dawn comes running down the stairs with the others in pursuit. ANYA: I work hard at that store, and I helped you! (grabs Dawn's arm, turns her around) I took care of you. This is how you say 'thank you'? Buffy comes up beside Anya. BUFFY: Anya, hold on, okay? (to Dawn) Tell her you didn't do this. Tell her it's a mistake. Suddenly Buffy spots something over by the sofa. She looks shocked, walks that way. DAWN: (anguished) No! Buffy walks over, stares down at the box holding the black leather jacket that Dawn gave her. BUFFY: Oh. (looking at Dawn) DAWN: (upset) Buffy... ANYA: How are we supposed to trust you, Dawn? I mean, you ... you say you didn't put us here, but look at this stuff! How are we supposed to believe you? sh*t of all the others gathering around. BUFFY: Look, I-I don't think she- I don't think it's all her fault, okay? She ... there was a guidance counselor, or someone pretending to be a guidance counselor, she, she made Dawn make a wish. ANYA: Guidance counselor? You made a wish to someone you've never seen before? DAWN: (nervous) Yeah? ANYA: Did she wear a pendant with a, with a dark blue stone? DAWN: And little red flecks? ANYA: Uhh, for crying out loud. (yells) Halfrek! (to Dawn) It's Halfrek, a vengeance demon. You made a wish to a vengeance demon. DAWN: I didn't know. ANYA: Only a vengeance demon can break her own vengeance spell. Nothing else will work. She's the only one who can get us out of here. (yells) Hallie, get your ass down here! Halfrek materializes just behind Anya, in a puff of smoke. HALFREK: (deep resonant voice) You rang? Anya turns toward her. Suddenly Halfrek gasps and looks down. Close sh*t of Halfrek's stomach with the end of a sword protruding out of it. Close on Halfrek's face as she collapses to the floor, revealing the demon standing behind her. Close on Buffy staring in horror. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. The demon att*cks Buffy who grabs his hands and then punches him. Anya punches him from behind as well, distracting him. ANYA: (punching) I hope you die, you stupid jerkface! The last punch sends him reeling back. He swings his sword and Anya leaps on him from behind, struggling with his sword arm while Buffy kicks him in the stomach. Spike leaps into the fray too, grabbing the demon from behind. The demon flings Anya off, she lands on the sofa. He flings Spike off too and swings the sword around randomly. Buffy ducks, watching for an opening. XANDER: Anya! Xander ducks under the sword swings and runs over to the sofa. The demon hits Buffy in the face and she reels back. Spike att*cks again, distracting the demon so Buffy can kick him. The demon falls to the floor and melts into it, disappearing. The demon immediately reappears behind Spike, who grabs his sword arm. The demon drops the sword. Spike continues holding his arm and kicking him. SPIKE: The sword! Buffy picks the sword up off the floor as Spike continues struggling with the demon. Spike gives him a kick in the stomach and he reels backward as Buffy att*cks with the sword. The demon turns and runs into the wall, disappearing into it. Buffy thrusts the sword into the wall where he went. The same blue light appears, suffusing everything as the others watch. The demon roars angrily. Close on the sword as the blue light fades and the hole in the wall closes up, the demon once again trapped in the sword. Buffy pulls the sword out of the wall and breaks it in two over her knee, causing one last flare of blue light. She throws the two halves down. Buffy looks over at Halfrek, who lies on the floor not moving. ANYA: Her pendant! Get her pendant! Anya and Buffy rush toward Halfrek. But before they reach her she sits up and puts out her hand toward Anya, who goes flying backward onto the sofa again. Buffy stares. HALFREK: (normal voice) There will be no touching of the pendant. Halfrek gets to her feet and brushes herself off, as everyone stares at her in surprise. HALFREK: What? (laughs) Did you think I'd be stopped by a sword in the chest? She looks down at her chest, pulls at her blouse so we can see the rip in it. HALFREK: Flesh wound. (Anya getting up) Honestly, Anyanka, you used to know better. ANYA: (coming closer) How could you? Why would you do this? HALFREK: I told you I was going to take care of some business while I was here in town. ANYA: Yeah, but cursing us? Some of them are in the wedding party. HALFREK: I just go where I'm- Halfrek pauses, looking to her right as Spike walks up. HALFREK: (shocked whisper) William? SPIKE: (frowning) Hey, wait a minute. BUFFY: You guys know each other? sh*t of Willow, Clem, Sophie, and Tara getting up and approaching slowly. Halfrek still staring at Spike, but now she snaps out of it. HALFREK: (quickly) Uh, no. (laughs) No. She fiddles with her hair nervously. SPIKE: (still frowning) Not really. sh*t of Buffy looking confused. TARA: I thought vengeance demons only punished men who wronged women. HALFREK: Oh, that was Anya's little raison d'être. Most of us try to be a little more well-rounded. And actually, we prefer 'justice demon.' Okay? FYI. ANYA: Well-rounded, huh? Is that how you explain your thing for bad parents? HALFREK: Oh, it's not a thing. The children need me. ANYA: Hmm! (coughing)Daddy issues(coughing) HALFREK: Sling all the little barbs at me that you want, Anyanka, it doesn't change the fact that this girl was in pain, (pointing at Dawn) and none of you could hear it. (Dawn looks down) I could hear her crying out everywhere I went in this town. (Anya looking guilty) It was unbearable. And none of you knew. Halfrek looks at Buffy, shaking her head. Buffy looks upset. HALFREK: You people deserve to be cursed. (sh*t of the others listening) Enjoy your time together. From now on ... all you have is time. (to Anya) Time ... and each other. Good luck! sh*t of Spike frowning. sh*t of Buffy looking upset. sh*t of the others watching. Dramatic music swells. Halfrek makes a dramatic motion with both arms, but does not disappear. She looks surprised. HALFREK: Wait ... (nervous laugh) Wait. sh*t of Buffy looking surprised. sh*t of Spike raising his eyebrows. HALFREK: (muttering to herself) Time, and each other. Dramatic music. Dramatic arm gesture. Halfrek again fails to disappear. She looks annoyed. ANYA: (rolling her eyes) It's the curse, Hallie. HALFREK: Oh, for crying out loud. Fine, the curse is lifted! We can all leave now! ... Damn it. She snaps her fingers and disappears. Everyone else looks relieved and excited. Spike looks over at Buffy, who just looks pensive. Cut to the kitchen. Tara is packing remnants of herbs into plastic baggies while Willow watches. WILLOW: Thanks ... for before. And, and for taking this stuff with you. TARA: (nodding) No problem. WILLOW: Just so you know, I-I was never ... gonna use it. I mean, not really, I ... I just kept it like a safety net. 'Cause ... there was always this ... thing in the back of my head. This, you know, voice, saying, like, 'what if things get bad, I mean really bad? And what if you can't handle it?' A-and it made me panic, so ... that's why I kept a couple of things. I ... kept them so I-I didn't have to think about it, so I could focus on ... on getting better. TARA: I get it. I-I really do. But it's time to work without the net, Will. (Willow looking anxious) You know, I don't know if you noticed, but it actually did get bad in there. Really bad, and ... and you still said no. Tara smiles, goes back to her task. Willow slowly begins to smile too. Cut to the foyer. Anya and Xander come down the stairs, supporting Richard between them. Richard grimaces in pain. The others all gather around. RICHARD: You have some weird friends. XANDER: News from the file marked 'duh.' (to Buffy) We're gonna get him to the E.R. (Buffy nodding) ANYA: And then we're gonna talk about payment. And Dawnie, there are two words I want you to get used to... sh*t of Dawn looking nervous. ANYA: (OS) Punitive damages. BUFFY: (to Spike) Think it's worn off? SPIKE: Just one thing to do. Spike walks toward the door. Everyone watches him anxiously. He takes hold of the doorknob, looks around at the others, opens the door with a flourish. Xander smiles happily. He and Anya begin carrying/helping Richard out. Willow, Tara, Sophie, and Clem follow excitedly. Cut to outside. Xander and Anya, with Richard supported between them, emerge onto the porch. The others are close behind. ANYA: Okay, who's pushing? They all start down the stairs. TARA: Wow, look at the stars! CLEM: (turning back to give Buffy a thumbs-up) Good party! Buffy remains in the foyer, giving a wry smile at Clem's remark. XANDER: (OS) I just wanna run barefoot on the grass so I can feel the dew-drops between my... God, look at the stars! Spike gives Buffy a similar wry smile, then turns and walks out as well. sh*t from inside, pointing out the front door at the group as they walk down the path to the street. sh*t from outside, pointing in the front door as only Dawn and Buffy are left. Buffy walks forward, goes over to the doorway. Dawn turns and follows, stands a little ways behind Buffy, watching her sadly. Buffy looks at Dawn. sh*t from outside. Buffy takes hold of the door and closes it. Dawn's face slowly breaks into a smile as the closing door hides them from our view. Blackout.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x14 - Older and Far Away"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously... Riley and Buffy in "Into the Woods" RILEY: They want me back, Buffy. The military. BUFFY: This is good-bye? RILEY: Unless you give me a reason to stay, I'm leaving tonight. Buffy walking away from Riley. Buffy running up to the helipad. BUFFY: Riley! Riley in the helicopter flying away as Buffy stands on the ground underneath. Spike and Buffy in the crypt. SPIKE: Are we having a conversation? BUFFY: What? No! ...Maybe. Xander and Anya in the magic shop. XANDER: We're getting married. BUFFY: Congratulations. Xander and Anya kissing. Buffy in the Double Meat Palace. BUFFY: Double meat is double sweet. Enjoy. DAWN: Hey Buffy! ANYA: We're here to support your subsistence-level employment. Bravo. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of the Double Meat Palace, night. TODD VOICEOVER: You see, Buffy... Cut to inside. Close sh*t of the grill. TODD VOICEOVER: ...the thing you gotta learn about the Palace, and this takes a while... Pan over to where a scraper is scraping the grease from the top of the grill. A bucket of grease sits beside it. Todd, a young man about Buffy's age, is leaning against the wall nearby. TODD: ...is that job security all boils down to one simple thing. Reveal Buffy, doing the scraping. She looks over at Todd expectantly. TODD: Politics. b*at. Buffy resumes scraping. TODD: Now, I'm not a political animal, but you learn fast around here or it's wham! Hello glass ceiling. Buffy makes a face as she lifts a spatula-ful of grease. Todd tips the bucket so she can dump the grease into it. She resumes scraping. TODD: I mean, it's not like we work at Burger World, or the Happy Bun, where the power structure is simple. No, here at the Palace, you gotta keep your friends close, but your enemies? Closer. (Buffy nodding, rolling her eyes) It's like Machiavelli says. (Buffy looks confused) You know Machiavelli, right? BUFFY: Tall guy, bleached mullet, works day shifts? TODD: (laughs) I'm sorry. My bad. I keep forgetting you dropped out of college. BUFFY: I'm reapplying. TODD: (patronizing) Good luck with that. Well, gotta motor! (picks up a backpack) Don't wanna be late for night school. BUFFY: You go to night school? TODD: I'm working on my MBA. Think I wanna spend the rest of my life cleaning grease traps? (shakes head) Ooh, don't forget to lock up before you go, and the gum under the tables? Be sure to give it a good scrape before you leave. BUFFY: (sarcastic) May I? TODD: (leaving) See you tomorrow! BUFFY: (to herself) Yes, you will. And the day after that, (sighs) and the day after that, and the day after that... Cut to the graveyard, later. Buffy walks along holding a small paper bag with the Double Meat logo. She wears a long caramel-colored coat over her clothes. BUFFY: (sings) 'Get the double treat, that's the double sweet, oh it's hard to b*at, when the meat meets-' Oh, why can't I get this stupid jingle out of my head? A vampire jumps out in front of her. VAMP: Least of your problems now, little girl. BUFFY: Wait. She turns to put the bag down carefully on a nearby headstone. VAMP: Ooookay. BUFFY: (turns back) Okay, let's do this. (points at him) Quickly. The vamp swings at her. She ducks, then punches him. He reels aside and kicks her. He grabs her by the upper arms and pulls her toward him, moving to bite her neck as she struggles to shove him away. Then the vampire pulls back, still holding her. VAMP: What's that smell? (sniffing) Geez, Slayer, is that you? BUFFY: I've been working! VAMP: Where, in a slaughterhouse?! BUFFY: (pouts) Double Meat Palace. VAMP: Ohhh. He lets go and backs away. VAMP: You know what? Let's just call it a night. (Buffy looking surprised) If it's all the same to you, and you've been eating that stuff, I'm not so sure I wanna bite you. BUFFY: You're d*ad! You smell like it! (vamp shrugging and nodding) How do you get to say I'm the one who's stinky? (pouting) VAMP: Really, it's, it's cool, I'll just catch you next time. A stake flies into the sh*t and into his heart. He groans and dusts. Buffy looks triumphant for a moment, then lowers her head to sniff herself. She makes a face, picks up her take-out bag and walks off. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Special Guest Star Marc Blucas. Guest starring Ivana Milicevic. Written and directed by Douglas Petrie. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior of the Summers house, night. Buffy walks up the walkway holding her paper bag, sighing. She pauses right before the stairs. BUFFY: Oh, for pete's sake. Spike? She turns. Spike appears from behind a nearby tree. SPIKE: Ah, it's a fair cop, you caught me, Slayer. However, in all honesty, I think we have to say this one doesn't count. After all, I wasn't exactly hiding. (walks toward her) BUFFY: No, Spike. SPIKE: No? What kind of answer is that, you haven't even heard the question yet. BUFFY: I don't have to. We both know what you're thinking. SPIKE: (grins) And we both know ... that I'm not the only one thinking it. He puts his hand out as if to grab her coat collar, and leans in as if to kiss her. Buffy slaps his hand away. BUFFY: No! Not here. SPIKE: Why not? (pouting) BUFFY: Dawn. (looks toward the house) She's inside waiting for dinner, she's counting on me. I'm not letting her down by letting you in. SPIKE: So it's the fear of getting caught, then, is it? BUFFY: Reason number one on a very long list. (turns to go) SPIKE: Needn't be an obstacle. He takes her hand and pulls her toward the tree. Longer sh*t of the two of them moving along the side of the building. BUFFY: (sighs) Spike, I mean it. Come on. SPIKE: I hear you're serious. So am I. I want you ... you want me... Cut to a closer sh*t as Buffy has her back up against the tree and Spike is right in her face. SPIKE: ...I can't go inside, so ... maybe the time is right ... for you to come outside. Buffy sighs, looks at the house, then back at Spike. He slowly leans in to kiss her. Cut to a long sh*t again. They kiss, Buffy drops the paper bag on the ground, and Spike pulls her around so that the tree obscures them from our view. Cut to inside. Buffy comes into the kitchen, holding the paper bag and putting her other hand to her forehead. She stops and looks surprised. BUFFY: Dawn. We see Dawn by the refrigerator, looking in. She closes it and turns to Buffy. BUFFY: Hey, hi. DAWN: Rough night? BUFFY: The usual. I-I brought you dinner. Buffy hands the paper bag to Dawn across the kitchen island, which is otherwise bare. Buffy sits. DAWN: Oh, great. (opening bag) Oh. Dawn takes out a paper-wrapped sandwich and smiles bravely. BUFFY: I-I know it's not the most original these days, but ... I made it myself. I-I made hundreds, actually, but this is the, the very best one. DAWN: It ... looks kinda squished. BUFFY: Oh, well just, you know, just... (takes the sandwich and slaps it lightly a few times) give it a sec. (Dawn looking disgusted) Yeah, these babies really bounce back. Literally. She gives the sandwich back. Dawn looks at it, then at her. DAWN: Buffy ... it's not like I don't appreciate it, I do. It's just that ... (softly) I can't eat this stuff another night. I'm sorry. BUFFY: (fake cheer) Oh! No, it, it's all good. I get it. (taking the sandwich back) Tell you what, tomorrow night, I'll, uh, I'll bring home the fisherman's nuggets with cheese. Dawn looks less than thrilled. Willow enters. WILLOW: Hey, workin' lady. Rough night? BUFFY: Why does everybody keep asking me that? WILLOW: Uh, no reason, I just ... thought you were busy with the slayage 'cause of that grass stain. (pointing to Buffy's jacket) Buffy tries to look at the back of her jacket, looks upset, takes it off to look at it. DAWN: Some vamp get rough with you? BUFFY: (examining coat, muttering) He's not getting any gentler. WILLOW: He? BUFFY: (quickly) They. Them. You know. (Willow and Dawn looking at her) Vampires in the, in the ... general population sense. (looks at jacket, sighs) Now I'm gonna have to wash this. WILLOW: (smiling) Ready for a bold suggestion? (smiling at Dawn, then at Buffy) Blow it off! Dawnie and I are headed out to the Bronze. DAWN: Um, do I have your permission and wanna come along? (grinning) You like how I slipped in that permission request like that? WILLOW: Very smooth. BUFFY: You guys go. DAWN: Really? WILLOW: Buffy, are you sure? I-it might do you good to get away from the Double Meat lifestyle for a night. See your friends. DAWN: Who'd love to see you. BUFFY: I'm sure. I've seen enough action for one night. (to Dawn) Home by eleven? DAWN: (smiles) On the dot. BUFFY: Have a good time. Dawn smiles, and she and Willow exit. Buffy picks up the still-wrapped sandwich and stares at it. BUFFY: (to herself) Somebody should. She sighs, puts the sandwich back in the bag. Cut to the Bronze. Pan across various people drinking and dancing, bartender serving. Reveal Xander and Anya sitting at the bar eating chips from several bags. A notebook sits in front of them bearing the wedding seating chart. ANYA: See ... this seating chart makes no sense. We have to do it again. (Xander nodding) We can't do it again. You do it. XANDER: The seating chart's fine. Let's get back to the table arrangements. I'm starting to have dreams of gardenia bouquets. (winces) I am so glad my manly coworkers didn't just hear me say that. (eating chips) ANYA: Will you stop wolfing down those chips? One more bag and you'll pop right out of your cummerbund. She grabs the bag of chips away from him, looks in it and sticks her hand in. Xander looks upset. ANYA: You're not even hungry, you're just nervous. XANDER: (smacking the bar-top) Yeah! Wedding, one week! We have friends, family, demons flying in, a to-do list getting no shorter, and do NOT- (grabs the bag back) -take my chips. They stare at each other angrily. Dawn comes over, holding two plastic cups. DAWN: Hey guys! How's the soon-to-be-newlyweds? Nervous? ANYA/XANDER: No! DAWN: (dubious) Okay. I'll just be over here then. Dawn goes over to where Willow is fiddling with pool cues. DAWN: Your Arnold Palmer, milady. (gives Willow a drink) WILLOW: Thanks. So how are Mr. and Mrs. High-Strung? DAWN: I'm betting they explode. WILLOW: You know, when I was little, I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like. And now I look at them... (sh*t of Anya and Xander at the bar) I just think... (mocking laugh) "Nee-hee-hee!" DAWN: (giggles) You're awfully chipper tonight. WILLOW: (smiling) Can't hide it. DAWN: Hmm. Big wedding coming up ... lots of date possibilities ... you and Tara are speaking again. You wanna call her? Invite her over? WILLOW: Oh, no. Too soon for so bold a maneuver. (smiles) But if I did call? She wouldn't hang up on me. DAWN: That's progress! WILLOW: (smiling) Hence the happy. Cut to: Buffy's basement. An old boom-box is playing a sad country song. Buffy is wearing an old t-shirt and has her coat on the ironing board, rubbing it with a rag. She pauses, looks at the grass stain, resumes rubbing. Cut to upstairs. Buffy is asleep on the sofa, with the coat covering her. It's daylight. Sound of a noisy truck engine from outside. Buffy slowly wakes up. BUFFY: Garbage! Uhh... She leaps up, pulling the jacket on. Cut to the street. The garbage truck is pulling away. BUFFY: (OS) Wait! Wait up, guys! The truck drives off, revealing Buffy behind it, running down the walk with a garbage bag in each hand. BUFFY: Wait! She stands there panting, watching the truck turn a corner. BUFFY: (whining) Don't you want your garbage? She sighs, pouts, turns and walks back toward the house. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy enters through the back door, holding a pile of mail. She begins looking through it. We see Dawn standing by the island. DAWN: Hey Buffy. Oh, don't forget, today's trash day. BUFFY: (sourly) Thanks. Dawn piles her books into her school bag. Buffy opens a letter. Close sh*t of the letter. Dear Ms. Summers, We are sorry to reject your application for re-admittance to UCSD. Our guidelines dictate that re-admission forms must be processed on or before January 15, 2002. If you have any questions, please feel free to call my office during regular business hours, Monday through Friday. Surrinda Blackmaster Assistant to the Dean BUFFY: (OS) 'Dear Ms. Summers, we are sorry to reject...' DAWN: What's that? BUFFY: (folding the letter) Nothing. DAWN: Huh. Bronze was fun last night. In a total home-by-eleven-ish way. You should have come. BUFFY: Well, next time. (looks at Dawn) Where are you going? DAWN: School? BUFFY: (duh) Oh. That's good. Uh, don't you want breakfast first? DAWN: Already made it. See you this afternoon? Unless you're working. (coming around the island toward Buffy) Tonight then. Or, you know, tomorrow's cool. Don't work too hard. Dawn kisses Buffy on the cheek. Buffy smiles. BUFFY: Bye. Dawn exits. Buffy looks at the kitchen sink, piled high with dirty dishes. She stops smiling, makes a face, sighs. Removes her jacket and turns to the sink. Cut to: close sh*t of the Double Meat grill with nine burgers cooking. A spatula flipping them over. TODD: (OS) And that's where even your best political minds can drop the ball. Reveal Buffy flipping the burgers, wearing the uniform, while Todd stands behind her eating one. TODD: Zeitgeist! You're not taking the pulse of the public, the next thing you know you're LBJ handing the house keys over to Nixon. (turns to his work) Heard back from your college yet? BUFFY: Yeah. TODD: All right. You know, we're out of special sauce. BUFFY: I'll get it. TODD: No no. Your turn up front. I'll deal back here. You take the customers. Buffy looks less than thrilled. She turns and walks off. Cut to the counter. Buffy walks up to the cash register. BUFFY: Welcome to the Double Meat Palace, how may I help... She pauses as she sees who it is. Reveal Riley, standing there dressed all in black with a bulletproof vest on. BUFFY: You. Closer sh*t on Riley. We see that he has a long scar running from his forehead across one eye and down his cheek. His expression is grim. RILEY: Hey. BUFFY: Huh? Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. Buffy stares up at Riley. BUFFY: Riley. RILEY: Sorry to just drop in on you like this, Buffy. BUFFY: It's you. RILEY: It's me. BUFFY: You're here. RILEY: I know. BUFFY: And ... were you always this tall? RILEY: (leans closer) Look, this isn't the way I wanted it. But something's come up, something big. We don't have much time. You understand? BUFFY: (nodding) Not a work you've said so far. RILEY: Right. I should have known, anticipated. You're working. Longer sh*t of the restaurant interior. There are a few customers waiting in line behind Riley. Buffy is the only person working the counter. Cut back to close sh*t. BUFFY: Well, just counter, not grill any more. RILEY: I want to explain, I just don't have time. I've been up for 48 hours straight tracking something bad, and now it's come to Sunnydale. BUFFY: My hat has a cow. RILEY: (sighs) I know that I'm putting you on the spot, showing up like this, but ... but you know, here we are. I need the best. I need you, Buffy. (Buffy staring at him) Can you help me? Todd appears, sticks his face next to Buffy's. TODD: Hellooo, Buffy? People are waiting. Buffy and Riley stare at each other, oblivious to Todd. Buffy takes off her Double Meat hat, puts it down, grabs a black coat from under the counter, and comes out from behind the counter to join Riley. TODD: Buffy, uh ... Buffy! Wait! Buffy! Buffy follows Riley out. Cut to the street. Buffy (wearing her black coat over her uniform) and Riley walk along. RILEY: Look, I'm sorry this is all so sudden. You know, if we get a minute, I'd really like to sit down... He stops as something on his belt begins to beep. He grabs it and looks at it. BUFFY: What is it? RILEY: Suvolte demon. Rare, lethal ... nearly extinct, but not nearly enough. (Buffy grinning) It's close. Buffy starts to laugh. RILEY: What? BUFFY: Sorry. It's just ... you still carry around all that James Bond stuff. Close sh*t on the device in Riley's hand. It looks like a flip-open cell phone except that instead of a digital display it has a red radar screen. Two large blinking red dots show the movement of the demon. BUFFY: It's so cute! I forgot. Riley puts the device away, gives Buffy a look. BUFFY: Sorry. (fake-military) Carry on. RILEY: (resumes walking) We've been tear-assing through every jungle from Paraguay up, taking out nests. As soon as we put one Suvolte down, a dozen take its place. They're breeders, Buffy. One turns into ten, ten becomes a hundred. This gets out of hand and there's a w*r with humans? Humans are gonna lose. BUFFY: So they're like really mean tribbles. (Riley gives her another look) Sorry, I've been dealing with these, these geeks, it's, it's a whole thing. Sound of demon growling. They both look up. The demon, which looks like a cross between a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and the alien from "Alien," is across the street knocking over some newspaper vending machines. People scream and run away. RILEY: You ready for this? BUFFY: Yes please. They both start forward. Riley holds up a badge. RILEY: (yelling) National Forestry Service, we got a wild bear! Everybody stand back! (pushes a pedestrian aside) Look out! People run away as Riley approaches the demon. It hits him, slashing his arm with a claw, and he reels back clutching his arm. Buffy jumps up onto the demon's back and it flings her off against a wall, then it retreats into an alley. A g*n falls to the ground beside Buffy. She gets to her knees and picks it up. Riley comes over and grabs her arm to help her up. They look at each other. Buffy turns and heads toward the alley with Riley right behind. They walk cautiously down the alley, looking around. They reach a point where the alley widens. RILEY: Split. Buffy nods. They move off in different directions. Suddenly a garbage can flies into the sh*t, toward Riley, but he deflects it. Sound of the demon growling. BUFFY: Riley! Buffy tosses him the g*n. He takes aim at the demon, sh**t it. The g*n sh**t darts rather than b*ll*ts. The dart sticks in the demon's chest. It roars and flails its arms around. Buffy runs at it and one of its arms hits her. She reels back against Riley, who catches her. The demon leaps up to the roof of the building and is gone. RILEY: You all right? BUFFY: I'll feel better when we catch it. But it's too fast. RILEY: I wouldn't necessarily say that. Cut to the street. A very large SUV comes screeching around the corner. It is black, of course. Cut to inside. Riley is driving while Buffy sits in the passenger seat. BUFFY: Nice wheels. RILEY: Came with the car. BUFFY: (smiles) Know where we're goin'? RILEY: Got an idea. The tag's on-line. We'll find it. sh*t of a GPS screen on the car's dashboard. It shows a blip for the demon and another one for the car. BUFFY: How's your arm? RILEY: It'll heal. How you doin'? BUFFY: Complicated question. RILEY: I just meant- BUFFY: I know. RILEY: I hear ya. Got some, uh ... big stories to tell you to. If we ever get half a second. BUFFY: Did you die? RILEY: No. BUFFY: I'm gonna win. Riley looks surprised. Buffy takes off her coat, revealing the bright red-and-white DoubleMeat uniform. RILEY: Here. (grabs something from behind the seat and gives it to her) No offense, but this is black ops, and you look like a pylon. BUFFY: (looks at it) Ninja wear? RILEY: Battle gear. Lightweight Kevlar, state of the art. BUFFY: What a surprise. RILEY: Boys like toys. Put it on, thank me later. BUFFY: (smiling) You won't look? RILEY: (staring at the road ahead) I'm a gentleman. BUFFY: Okay. (begins unfolding the clothes) So ... the black-ops life, it's workin' out for ya? RILEY: Don't suck. BUFFY: They got dental? RILEY: (smiles) Yeah, we're covered. b*at. They both look pensive. RILEY: You know, there's not many people I'd ask to risk their life for me, Buffy. It's really good to see you. BUFFY: Thanks. RILEY: You're welcome. And Buffy ... love the hair. Buffy smirks a little. Exterior sh*t of the car speeding down an otherwise empty highway. Cut to exterior sh*t of a different highway, this one covered with cars bumper-to-bumper, barely moving. Horns honking. ANYA VOICEOVER: I think we died in this car on the way to the airport, and now we're stuck in hell. Cut to the interior of Xander's car. Xander is driving while Anya sits in the passenger seat. Numerous bags of chips are on the dashboard. XANDER: The radio said no traffic. (reaching for chips) ANYA: It's a hell radio, of course it said that. We'll never get to the airport in time to pick up your stupid uncle. XANDER: It just gives my uncle Rory more time at the bar. Trust me, he'll be happy. ANYA: (mouth full) Great. So he can sleep off his drunken stupor on our newly re-upholstered couch. XANDER: He can't afford a hotel. ANYA: Why are you defending him? XANDER: I'm not. I hate my uncle. I hate my whole family. That's why I'm marrying you, to start a new family. Have children, make them hate us, then one day they'll get married, we'll sleep on their couch. It's the circle of life. (smiling) ANYA: Well, the Gnarals are teleporting in in twenty minutes. If I'm not there to greet them? Somebody's getting incinerated. XANDER: Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place? ANYA: Well, I can only do so much, Xander. Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy. XANDER: Without the laughs. We should have eloped. ANYA: No! I've been through too much planning this wedding, and it is *going* to happen. It is going to be our perfect, perfect day if I have to k*ll every one of our guests and half this town to do it. XANDER: Mm. (looks at her bag of chips) Cool Ranch? ANYA: Cajun Fiesta. Xander grabs the bag. Cut to Riley's SUV screeching to a halt on a side road. It's mostly rock, a few scraggly trees. Riley and Buffy get out, come around to the front of the car and start walking. Buffy is wearing the black "ninja wear." Black long-sleeved turtleneck, black bulletproof vest, black pants, black tool-belt. Her hair is pulled back into a neat ponytail. BUFFY: End of the line? (Riley shrugs) I don't see our demon. RILEY: It's not here. BUFFY: Let me guess. They walk between some low stone buildings. Riley grins. They walk over to a fence and look down. We see that they're standing at the top of a huge dam. Far below, we can see the water. Rough uncut stone walls surround the platform at the bottom. BUFFY: Down we go? RILEY: Looks that way. (doing something with equipment) BUFFY: That's a big first step. So, Mr. Finn, got an extra jet-pack for a girl like me? RILEY: Sorry, fresh out of jet-packs. Looks like we'll have to share. Riley attaches one end of a rappelling line to the fence. RILEY: This test line's built for one, so if we go together, we're not hauling any gear. Just be you and me. BUFFY: I was never big on the hardware anyway. RILEY: You hold onto me? BUFFY: (flirty) If that's what it takes. RILEY: Come on. Riley lifts her up onto the fence. She looks into his eyes. BUFFY: Ready when you are, Agent Finn. She puts her arms around his shoulders and they start down. Long sh*t of the two of them descending along the side of the dam. They reach the bottom and stand on a stone platform with a low stone wall at the edge. Riley detaches the line from his belt. They both start looking around. They duck past a large pipe with a small trickle of water coming out. Past it, the stone ledge opens out into a wider space with a ladder at one wall. Riley walks past a door and the demon comes out of it, tackling him from behind. He throws it off and ducks a swing of its arm. Buffy att*cks the demon and gets thrown aside. She leans against the stone wall and looks over her shoulder at Riley grappling with the demon. Buffy kicks back at the demon and gets it off Riley. He punches it, it hits him. Buffy kicks it again. It hits Riley and then Buffy, sending them both reeling back. Riley att*cks again and gets h*t in the stomach. He leans over in pain. BUFFY: Riley! Buffy grabs him and uses him as leverage to lift both feet off the ground and kick the demon back. It falls to the ground. Riley turns Buffy around and pushes her up against the wall. They both pant and stare deeply at each other. Behind them, another black-clad figure rappels down from above, landing on the stone floor nearby. It's a woman with long dark hair in a ponytail similar to Buffy's. She looks over at them. WOMAN: Hey. Buffy and Riley break out of their moment, look at her as she approaches. WOMAN: (to Riley) Hey there. (to Buffy) What exactly are you doing with my husband? Buffy stares at Riley in surprise. He looks a little embarrassed. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. Buffy stares at Riley. BUFFY: Husband? Riley nods. Buffy looks at the woman. BUFFY: Wife. The woman nods. BUFFY: And ... those aren't code names like Big Dog or Falcon or... (the others looking dubious) I didn't think so. RILEY: Buffy, meet Sam. Sam, Buffy. SAM: (sincerely) Pleasure. BUFFY: Demon. They all turn to see the demon behind Sam. It has gotten back up again. It snarls at them. SAM: (grins) Mine. Sam approaches the demon and grabs both of its arms, kicks it, takes one arm and hits it. Angle on Buffy and Riley watching, as fighting noises and demon growls continue off-screen. BUFFY: She's good. RILEY: She's a special one. (sh*t of Sam punching the demon furiously) BUFFY: How long have you been married? RILEY: Four months almost. BUFFY: Mazel tov. Any children? RILEY: Buffy, I meant to tell you. When the time was right. She caught up to us a hell of a lot faster than I would've guessed possible. She does that. (sh*t of Sam kicking and punching the demon) BUFFY: So, you-you guys do this often, you know, the whole ... husband-and-wife tag-team demon fighting thing? RILEY: Yeah, it's what brought us together. I almost feel sorry for the Suvolte. The demon hits Sam across the face and she goes down. RILEY: But not quite. Riley moves forward, picking up a taser(?) from the ground. He catches the demon's arm as it prepares to h*t Sam, hits it in the stomach with the taser. Sam crouches on the ground, kicks the demon back. Buffy stands there looking pensive as the other two continue fighting the demon. The demon flings them both off and Buffy wakes up, rejoins the fight. Sam is holding the demon's arm and kicking it. Buffy grabs the demon by its head. BUFFY: Call this your wedding gift. She twists the head, snapping the demon's neck. It falls to the ground. Riley moves forward as if to stop her but sees it's too late. Sam looks shocked. BUFFY: (panting) So, guess that's mission accomplished. (turns away) RILEY: (kneels by the demon) She k*lled it. SAM: Oh, honey ... (putting a hand on his back, panting) That's okay. BUFFY: (turns back) Okay? Wait ... you guys have been tracking this thing as a couple for two days straight, and you ... did want it d*ad, right? Riley stands up again next to Sam. They look at each other nervously. BUFFY: Oh. SAM: Let me guess. Captain Can-Do over here (pointing her thumb at Riley) forgot to mention that this was a homing operation. (Riley looking embarrassed, getting something from his belt) But it's nice to finally meet you, by the way. Kn*fe. Sam puts out her hand without looking, and Riley gives her a large Kn*fe. She kneels beside the demon. BUFFY: What is a homing operation? RILEY: It's my fault. I should have explained. BUFFY: That would have saved me some ... trouble. Sam slices open the demon's stomach with the Kn*fe. Thick yellow blood oozes out. SAM: Damn. Buffy makes a disgusted face. Sam stands up. SAM: We're too late. Finn ... how could you recruit the Slayer without filling her in on the objective? BUFFY: That'd be my question. SAM: (teasing) If we weren't under severe time constraints I'd seriously think about ripping you a new one. RILEY: (smirking) Stand down, soldier. BUFFY: He's your boss, too? SAM: (smirking) Oh, he wishes. We better regroup. Buffy, I hate to impose further, but ... you got a safe house? BUFFY: I, I have a house. I-I think it's safe. Sometimes you can't even leave. Buffy grins. The others look confused. RILEY: (to Sam) I know the way. (to Buffy) And I'll fill you in. On everything. Buffy nods. Cut to the Summers house, foyer, night. Buffy enters through the front door, followed by Sam and Riley. BUFFY: Sorry the place is such a mess. I haven't had a chance to give it a good cleaning. Reveal Dawn standing in the living-room doorway, arms folded. RILEY: Hey. DAWN: Agent Finn returns. RILEY: Dawn. Geez, look at you. I think you grew a foot and a half. DAWN: (sullen) A lot can happen in a year. RILEY: (chastised) Well, it's good to see you. Willow and Xander appear from the kitchen. XANDER: Hey, there's the man! Life taker, heartbreaker. (shakes Riley's hand) You know, figuratively speaking. RILEY: Xander, Sam. Willow... SAM: Hi. (all waving at each other) RILEY: Hi. (hugs Willow) WILLOW: We got your call. XANDER: We're here to help. Just like old times. Except, with you being all big with the married life. RILEY: Hear you're getting hitched yourself. Believe me, you're gonna love it. (Sam smiling at him) WILLOW: Congratulations, really, both of you. They all move into the living room. Buffy hangs back, and Willow goes to her. WILLOW: (softly) Just so you know? I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want. (sh*t of Riley and Sam talking closely) BUFFY: Thanks, but no. I don't wanna seem all petty. WILLOW: Well, that's the beauty! You can't, but I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for the both of us. Another sh*t of the Finns. They are laughing together, touching each other lightly. BUFFY: Go nuts. Buffy and Willow exchange a nod, proceed into the living room. Dawn and Xander remain standing by the doorway. Dawn still has her arms crossed and her expression says that she is still mad at Riley. DAWN: So. What brings you back to town after you left suddenly with no word? Riley, Sam, Buffy, and Willow sit. RILEY: Sam and I have been tracking a Suvolte demon through Central America. k*lling machine. Nearly mature. SAM: Yeah, three months old and growing fast. RILEY: These things start to k*ll the minute they're hatched. And leave a real clear trail. SAM: Yeah. Just follow the villages with nothing in them but body parts. RILEY: Uh ... Dawn, are you sure you wanna be around hearing all this? SAM: Oh, come on, Finn, she looks all grown-up to me. (to Buffy) That is, if it's all right with you. BUFFY: Uh, sure, yeah, it's fine. DAWN: So, this demon shredded your guys, and now you're looking for a little payback? SAM: (shakes head) No. It came here to the Hellmouth to, to spawn. (sighs) But we think it already hatched its eggs somewhere. RILEY: And the plan was to track it. Let the demon take us to its nest. DAWN: And ... now they're gonna hatch a bunch of ... baby demon things? SAM: Unless we stop it. BUFFY: Which means we have to find the nest, and fast, before Sunnydale turns into the Trouble Meat Palace. b*at. Everyone looks at Buffy. BUFFY: I wish I'd said something else. XANDER: Okay, so we track down the demon, find the nest, Mr. and Mrs. Finn here make with the killin', and everyone goes home happy. (sits on the sofa beside Sam) But seriously, married man. If forced to choose between a photographer and place settings- BUFFY: We can't track the demon. (they look at her) I k*lled it. (chipper) So! Who's hungry? We got, uh- DAWN: Ice cubes. BUFFY: All you can eat. SAM: Buffy? It's good that you k*lled the Suvolte before it k*lled us. (to Xander) Disposable cameras. XANDER: Di - wah? SAM: Yeah, you, you know, little plastic ones, ten bucks a pop. You arrange them like table settings, guests snap photos... Buffy looks at them. Close sh*t on Riley's hand resting on Sam's knee. She puts her own hand over Riley's, lacing their fingers together. SAM: ...breaks the ice, and when the wedding's over, you get to take home the pictures. XANDER: (grinning) I like it! sh*t of Willow and Buffy. Buffy stares at the floor while Willow makes snide faces at Sam. Riley and Sam smile at Xander, turn back to Buffy. Willow makes an innocent face. BUFFY: So, demon eggs. Any timetable on when they're gonna hatch? RILEY: Hatching's not the problem. SAM: We think they're gonna be sold on the black market. There are some foreign military powers that would love to have their own Suvolte. You could never train it, but drop it on an urban population... RILEY: And it cleanses the area. DAWN: Is that a nice way of saying it kills people? SAM: Lots of 'em. Money's been exchanged. There's a dealer in town, calls himself the, The Doctor. Willow, you think you can help with a little locating spell? WILLOW: (quietly) I can't do the magicks. SAM: Oh, Riley says you're comin' on as one major-league Wicca. WILLOW: I got addicted. The way addicts do. Willow exits toward the kitchen. Sam looks upset. RILEY: Two teams. No civilians. I'll, uh ... I'll go out and look for our Doctor. You two find that nest. BUFFY: Me and Sam together? RILEY: You come across a Suvolte nest, you're gonna want backup. SAM: You know, I don't wanna be dragging down the Slayer. (to Buffy) You've got speed, and power I can't even- BUFFY: Let's go. Xander, are you okay to stay with Dawn? XANDER: Yeah. RILEY: I'll check out some bars. Willy's, some, uh, crypts that I know. Everyone gets up. Cut to the kitchen. Willow sits by the island looking pensive. Sam enters. SAM: Hey Willow. I'm sorry, I think I really ... stepped in it in there. (Willow not looking at her) You know, back in the jungle ... we had not one, but two hard-core shamans working for us ... they were working the dark magicks, and ... got addicted. And now they're gone. (Willow turns to look at her) Gone ... as in ... there's nothing left. I've never met anyone with enough strength to quit before. Willow continues looking at her, says nothing. SAM: I'm just saying. Sam turns and leaves. Willow watches her go, smiles a little. SAM VOICEOVER: Thanks for letting me tag along. Cut to the graveyard, night. Sam and Buffy walk along, still wearing their all-black outfits. BUFFY: No problem. SAM: Maybe not for you. I gotta tell you, Buffy, I'm a little bit intimidated. I mean, patrolling with the real live Slayer, you're like ... Santa Claus, or Buddha, or something. BUFFY: Fat and jolly? SAM: Legendary. And it's not just slayer status I'm talking about. It's you. BUFFY: Riley talks about me? SAM: He didn't say anything for a long time, but I could tell. He was ripped up inside. BUFFY: Good thing he has you. SAM: More like miraculous. I went down to Central America with the Peace Corps. One night, my entire infirmary got slaughtered by... (shakes her head) I didn't know what they were. I got saved, quit the Corps, joined the squad. My first firefight, I met Riley. (smiling) We started talking, you know, first about tactics, missions, stuff like that. And then about you. BUFFY: He thinks ... I let him go. SAM: (stops) Do you wish you hadn't. BUFFY: (softly) I wish things were different. I-I'm not trying to ... I don't ... uh, you know. (resumes walking) SAM: I didn't mean to put you on the spot, Buffy. There's no bad guys in this one. The only thing that could ... help Riley work it out was time. Lots of time. Took him a year to get over you. BUFFY: I'm glad he's over me. SAM: So, you seeing anyone new? Someone special? BUFFY: You know, I just take my time, you know, I don't ... I don't wanna jump right into anything, don't wanna ... you know ... be defined by who I'm with. SAM: Yeah, better no guy than the wrong guy, that's for sure. BUFFY: (suddenly) Sam. You know what? Um, I think we should split up. SAM: (upset) Oh, I'm slowing you down. I knew I would, this was just selfish of me. BUFFY: No, it's not, uh ... there's this guy, uh, an informant, but he's twitchy. I show up with company, and, and we get nothing. SAM: Cool. I'm guessing Finn needs me about now. (looking around) He's probably off somewhere gettin' his ass kicked. (grinning) You know how wild he gets. (backing away) Don't worry about Rye and me, we're good. Sam turns and walks off. BUFFY: (to herself) I noticed. Buffy walks off in the other direction. Cut to Spike's crypt. Spike sits on top of a coffin reading a book. The coffin is made up as a couch, has a blanket covering it and a throw-pillow on it. Sound of the door slamming open. Buffy strides in. SPIKE: Buffy. Hey now. (puts the book down, stands) If I'd-a known you were coming, I'd-a baked a cake. Buffy walks over to stand in front of him, pulling off her black gloves. BUFFY: I need information. SPIKE: Well, suppose I could be helpful. If the price is right. (Buffy putting gloves down) I'm not sure I'm selling out at Double Meat Palace wages, though. BUFFY: I need to find a guy. Dealer. Calls himself The Doctor. SPIKE: Human? BUFFY: His traffic isn't. SPIKE: Clock ticking? BUFFY: Whatever he's doing, he's doing it soon. SPIKE: (looking her up and down) Soon but not now? b*at. Buffy just looks at him. BUFFY: (quietly) Tell me you love me. SPIKE: (surprised) I love you. You know I do. She takes a couple of steps closer. BUFFY: Tell me you want me. SPIKE: (whispers) I always want you. In point of fact- BUFFY: Shut up. Buffy moves as if to kiss him, but instead she hooks her hand around his neck and pulls him down onto the coffin-couch. Buffy lies down on her back with Spike on top of her. She begins unbuttoning his shirt. Spike pulls at the fastenings on Buffy's bulletproof vest. She stares at his face, pushes the partially unbuttoned shirt down on his shoulders, then uses it to pull him down for a kiss. Fade to later. Buffy and Spike lie on the crypt sleeping with some blankets covering them, not touching each other. One of Buffy's bare legs is exposed. Sound of the door bursting open again. Spike stirs, lifts his head to look. Buffy looks too, gasps and sits up, holding a blanket over her breasts, pulling it over to cover her bare leg. Spike chuckles, props himself up on his elbows. SPIKE: Well, looky here. I don't usually use the word delicious... sh*t of Riley standing there looking at them, large g*n in hand. SPIKE: ...but I've gotta wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must k*ll. What can I say? Girl just needs a little monster in her man. Buffy stares at the ground looking upset. RILEY: That's not why I'm here ... Doctor. Buffy looks shocked, turns to stare at Spike, then back to stare at Riley. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. Buffy looks from one man to the other, still holding the blanket against her body. BUFFY: Oh god. She gets up. Spike sighs. SPIKE: Here I thought we'd run you out of town, mate. Buffy crouches down, scooping up her clothing, scowling at Spike. She goes off somewhere to get dressed. SPIKE: Last time I saw you, if memory serves, you were getting the juice sucked out of you by some undead ladies of very questionable reputation. Spike sits up on the coffin, naked with his knees pulled up and open. Riley averts his eyes. SPIKE: Now, be a good tin soldier and, uh... (makes a "go-away" gesture) RILEY: Where are they ... Doctor? SPIKE: Where are what, and why do you keep calling me that? (begins putting on pants) RILEY: Glad to be back in Sunnydale. The locals all speak English, and I know who to b*at for information. It's all brought me here. SPIKE: Look, crew cut. (fastening his belt) She's not your bint any more. And if I can speak frankly, she always had a little thing for me, even when she was shagging you. RILEY: Nice. That's very distracting. (walks closer) Now tell me, before I get unprofessional... (pointing his g*n at Spike) ...where are the eggs, Spike? SPIKE: Eggs? (scoffs) You're off your nut. It must be those drugs they were keeping you on. I did warn you. RILEY: Okay. We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the fatal way. Riley punches Spike in the face, just as Buffy reappears, fully dressed. RILEY: Where are the eggs? BUFFY: Look, the Doctor, it can't be Spike. SPIKE: No need to defend me, luv. Buffy punches him in the face as well. BUFFY: Look, i-it can't be, okay? He-he's too incompetent. (Spike glaring at her) It's just Spike, Riley. RILEY: Right. Deadly ... amoral ... (Spike smirking) opportunistic. (quietly) Or have you forgotten? Buffy glares, but has no answer to that. She turns away. RILEY: I'm taking this place apart until I find that nest. SPIKE: Over my d*ad body. RILEY: I've seen enough of your d*ad body for one night, thanks. Riley uses the barrel of his g*n to shove Spike aside. As he passes, Spike grabs his shoulder. SPIKE: Well, you're not gonna- Riley shoves him back. Spike stumbles back against a pillar. Riley starts down the ladder to the underground part of the crypt. RILEY: (OS) You coming? Buffy looks up, looks at Spike. He stares back at her. She follows Riley. SPIKE: (angry) Oh, this is ... unconstitutional, is what it is! (grabbing a shirt, putting it on) Here! Cut to below. Riley and Buffy reach the ground. SPIKE: (OS) There's nothin' to see down there! Buffy hurries after Riley as he moves through the underground rooms. BUFFY: Riley, look, I'm not saying that he's good, okay, I'm just saying that he's not capable of something as- She stops as they round a corner and come upon the demon eggs. The eggs are about the size of beach-balls but brownish-grey and scaly. There are at least ten, possibly more. Riley cocks his g*n. Closer sh*t of the eggs, surrounded by yellowish goo the same color as the demon's blood. Spike runs in, wearing the shirt (unbuttoned). SPIKE: I can explain. RILEY: We're gonna need more w*apon. Spike screwed up. You didn't keep 'em frozen, did you ... Doctor? SPIKE: You can stop calling me that any time. If I may, the thing of it is, I'm holding these for a friend, who- Buffy punches him in the nose again. He falls down on his butt, his nose bloody. BUFFY: No more games. Spike gets to his feet, angry. SPIKE: Well, that's bloody funny coming from you! No more games? (Buffy rolling her eyes) That's all you've ever done is play me. You keep playing with rules you make up as you like. You know what I am. You've always known. You come to me all the same. RILEY: Can you shut him up? BUFFY: Not so far. Spike exits. RILEY: You better get outta here. Buffy backs away. Riley stands staring at the eggs. Suddenly one of the eggs bursts open and a baby demon pops out, screeching. It looks a bit like a crab or a very large cockroach. RILEY: On second thought, stick around. Riley tosses his g*n to Buffy and pulls out the taser. More baby demons pop out of the eggs and move toward them, fast. Riley and Buffy back away. BUFFY: Riley, I- RILEY: Aim high, plenty of lead. BUFFY: I'm not exactly g*n girl. RILEY: You wanna live, learn fast. Buffy fires the g*n randomly. It hits a stack of LP records, shattering them. Another sh*t hits a pillow on the bed; feathers fly. A third sh*t destroys a lamp. BUFFY: These things? (uses the g*n to club a demon as it flies at her) Never useful. She tosses the g*n away. She and Riley look around. Several of the babies are scurrying across the ceiling. RILEY: We have to pull out. One demon falls onto Riley's shoulder. He grabs at it, pries it off. He and Buffy begin to run for the exit. The baby demons pursue. Buffy looks around. The baby demons are crawling across every bit of ceiling and wall. She runs for the ladder. Cut to above. Buffy emerges as Riley is lying on the floor just next to the opening to below. RILEY: We need a way to contain these things- BUFFY: Riley! Buffy grabs Riley's belt, detaches it. There are several grenades on it. She pulls the pin on one, and drops the entire belt down into the hole. RILEY: Get down! Buffy lies down on top of Riley, shielding him. sh*t of the belt lying by the base of the ladder as the baby demons move around and past it. Wide sh*t of the underground part of the crypt as the grenades go off. f*re bursts across the cavern and engulfs the eggs. Wide sh*t of the above as a fireball sh**t up from the opening, while Buffy and Riley lie on the floor cringing. The f*re subsides and Buffy lifts her head. She and Riley are both panting. She lies fully on top of him. ANYA VOICEOVER: You know, if you love Riley Finn so much, maybe you should just marry him. Cut to close sh*t of Xander. XANDER: He's taken. And that's not the point. Cut to wider sh*t. We see Xander sitting on the edge of the bathtub and Anya sitting beside him on the closed toilet. Faint sounds of angry voices in background. ANYA: So you think that their marriage is better than ours, is that it? XANDER: No! But granted, I have a hard time imagining Nick and Nora Fury hiding out from their own relatives in the bathroom. Sound of crashing and banging from outside. They both look toward the door in alarm. XANDER: (sighs) And I have no idea what Riley and Mrs. Riley's wedding was like. ANYA: Well, you haven't shut up about them. XANDER: Well, they have a great marriage! And it bummed Buffy out, but I can see it. And Anya ... I really have no clue what their wedding was like. ANYA: So our wedding... (Xander nodding) ...is not our marriage. (smiles) XANDER: Separate things. One fills me with a dread akin to public speaking engagements. ANYA: And that would be the wedding. XANDER: Which will be over soon. ANYA: But our marriage... XANDER: That lasts forever. Anya smiles, looking relieved. ANYA: Ah, well. That works out nicely, then. She leans over to kiss Xander. Another loud crash from the apartment. They both listen, looking unperturbed. Cut to: exterior of the magic shop, night. Buffy and Riley emerge onto the street, walk along the sidewalk. BUFFY: So, are you and Sam headed back to Central America? Or, is that classified? RILEY: Nepal. BUFFY: Sounds fun. RILEY: I'll send you a postcard. They both stop walking and speak at the same time. RILEY: Buffy- BUFFY: Riley- RILEY: By mission parameters I'm done here. But I have authorization to take the Doctor out. (pause) Do you want me to do that? BUFFY: (shocked) Do I want you to... (looks away) How can you ask me ... I'm sleeping with hi-him. (carefully) I'm sleeping with Spike. RILEY: I had actually noticed that. BUFFY: And then you come back ... and did you wait until your life was absolutely perfect and then send that demon here so you could throw it in my face? RILEY: Look ... you think this was easy for me? BUFFY: Yeah! I think it was a rollicking adventure, fun for the whole family. RILEY: I was terrified about seeing you again. BUFFY: Well, I'm sure my incredible patheticness softened the blow for you. Riley looks annoyed, fidgets a bit. RILEY: I don't know what you're talking about. BUFFY: Riley, please don't patronize- RILEY: Hey! You want me to say that I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that ... burger smell is appealing? BUFFY: (upset) You smelled the smell? RILEY: Buffy, none of that means anything. It doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved ... and the strongest woman I've ever known. And I'm not advertising this to the missus ... but you're still quite the hottie. BUFFY: You know, it goes away after many bathings. RILEY: (laughs) This isn't about who's on top. I know how lucky I am right now. I love my work, and I love my wife. BUFFY: I know. And I kinda love her too. RILEY: So you're not in the greatest place right now. And maybe I made it worse. BUFFY: No. RILEY: Wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You're up, you're down ... it doesn't change what you are. And you are a hell of a woman. BUFFY: (deep breath) Riley, that night... (Riley just looking at her) I never got the chance ... to tell you ... how sorry I was. About what happened between us. RILEY: And you never have to. The door to the magic shop opens again and Sam and Xander emerge, followed by Dawn and Willow. SAM: Well, the wedding itself was held in a military chopper just before a hairy night drop into hostile territory. XANDER: Huh! And just curious, what's a chopper rental run these days? Riley and Buffy exchange an amused look. SAM: Oh, well, actually, we commandeered it from a local guerilla squad, so ... cheap! XANDER: Oh! SAM: Yeah. The others join Riley and Buffy where they're standing. SAM: (to Willow) You have my email, you promise you'll keep in touch? WILLOW: You won't get traced? I don't wanna lead the bad guys to your location by mistake. Sam and Riley smile at each other. SAM: Our line's secure. WILLOW: (smiling) Oh, huh, duh, of course it is! I keep thinking of you like regular people, but no, you're not. SAM: Oh, right, like demon-hunting is all exotic to a girl from Sunnydale. Dawn confronts Riley as we see Sam hugging Willow and Xander in background. DAWN: So you gonna say goodbye this time, or just ... split all secret-agenty like last time? (sound of a helicopter) RILEY: Depends. I warrant a hug? Dawn doesn't smile, but she steps forward and hugs Riley. Then he pulls back to look at her face. RILEY: Goodbye, Dawn. DAWN: I thought it would suck less this time. It doesn't. Riley smiles fondly at her. SAM: It was really nice meeting you all. (taps Riley on the shoulder, moves away) You ready for Nepal, agent? RILEY: (to Xander) Soldier. Riley follows Sam onto the street. The helicopter noise is louder and we see its lights shining on the group. Riley and Sam move a bit away from the others. RILEY: (to Sam) f*re-fights, bug hunts, big body counts ... yeah, I could use a break. A thin wire drops down from the copter. Riley attaches it to his belt. He and Sam put their arms around each other, and Riley tugs on the line to signal the copter. Long sh*t of the two of them rising into the air as the others stand watching. Buffy stands a little ways off from the others. Willow waves. WILLOW: Bye! XANDER: Bye! Bye Riley! Bye Sam! The helicopter moves away with Riley and Sam still dangling from it. Angle on the others watching. Dawn and Xander turn and walk off left, out of sh*t. Willow moves right, over to Buffy, still waving. WILLOW: What a bitch. Willow turns and follows Xander and Dawn away. Buffy watches her go, then looks back up at the departing helicopter, pensive. Fade to Spike's crypt. Spike stands there looking at the mess. His furniture and possessions, bits of demon, all scattered around everywhere, burnt and charred. He nudges a bit of rubble with his foot, sighs, stares at the floor. Buffy appears, stops a little ways off. Spike doesn't look at her. SPIKE: So she's back. Thought you'd be off snogging with soldier-boy. BUFFY: He's gone. SPIKE: (looks at her) So, you come for a bit of cold comfort? (sighs, gestures) The bed's a bit blown up, but then, that was never our- BUFFY: I'm not here to- She breaks off. Spike just looks at her. BUFFY: And I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That's just you. I should have remembered. SPIKE: So this is worse then, is it, this is you telling me- BUFFY: It's over. SPIKE: (smiles, moves closer to her) I've memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want. BUFFY: I know that. (pauses) I do want you. (Spike looking surprised) Being with you ... makes things ... simpler. For a little while. SPIKE: I don't call five hours straight a little while. BUFFY: I'm using you. He stares at her. BUFFY: I can't love you. I'm just ... being weak, and selfish... SPIKE: (moves even closer) Really not complaining here. BUFFY: ...and it's k*lling me. Spike frowns. BUFFY: I have to be strong about this. He continues staring at her. BUFFY: I'm sorry ... William. She turns and walks off, leaving Spike looking stricken. Cut to above. Buffy walks out of the crypt into sunlight. Blackout.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x15 - As You Were"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously: Buffy in ninja-wear busting into Spike's crypt. SPIKE: Buffy. If I'd-a known you were coming, I'd-a baked a cake. BUFFY: Tell me you love me. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: Tell me you want me. SPIKE: I always want you. Buffy and Spike lying on the coffin, kissing. Xander and Anya in the magic shop. XANDER: Anya, you wanna marry me? ANYA: Yes. Xander and Anya announcing their engagement. XANDER: We're getting married. BUFFY: Congratulations. Xander and Anya in the Bronze. XANDER: Wedding. One week. We have friends, family, demons flying in, a to-do list getting no shorter. Tara in the bedroom. TARA: Can, can we not do this now? Willow crying. TARA: I don't think this is gonna work. WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Tara packing her things. Dawn and Willow in the Bronze. DAWN: Big wedding coming up ... you and Tara are speaking again. You wanna call her? Invite her over? WILLOW: Oh, no. Too soon for so bold a maneuver. Buffy and Spike in the crypt. BUFFY: It's over. SPIKE: I've memorized this tune, luv. BUFFY: I'm using you. And it's k*lling me. I'm sorry, William. Buffy walking away from Spike. Dawn and Halfrek in the guidance counselor office. HALFREK: I know there's been a lot of loss. DAWN: People have a tendency to go away, and sometimes I wish I could just make them stop. Dawn closing the door to the Summers house. Halfrek standing on the porch. HALFREK: Wish granted. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on close sh*t of Buffy's and Willow's faces, in a room, staring at something offscreen. Outside the window, lightning flashes and thunder rumbles. WILLOW: (horrified) Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god, Buffy. Look at its arms! BUFFY: (nods bravely) I know. But it's my duty. Cut to a longer sh*t. We see both Buffy and Willow reflected in the full-length mirror in Buffy's bedroom. They both wear extremely ugly dresses of some shiny teal fabric. Buffy's dress has short sleeves and Willow's has elbow-length sleeves. There are ruffles on all the sleeves and on the skirts from knee to floor. Each dress also has a large green flower over the heart. Buffy's hair is up in a bun and a large white flower is attached to one side of her head. BUFFY: I'm ... Buffy the bridesmaid. (flash of lightning, clap of thunder) WILLOW: (disgusted) Duty-schmuty. I'm supposed to be best man. Shouldn't I be all ... Marlene Dietrich-y in a dashing tuxedo number? BUFFY: No. WILLOW: Oh. (pouts) BUFFY: That would be totally unfair. We must share equally in the cosmic joke that is bridesmaids-dom. Buffy groans and sits down on the bed. WILLOW: (whining) Well, maybe ... if I ask Anya, I can still go with the traditional ... blood larva and burlap. (Buffy putting on earrings) I mean, she was a, a vengeance demon for like a thousand years, she would know all the most flattering ... larvae. (makes a face) What was she thinking? BUFFY: I think she's probably too stressed to be thinking right now. What with Xander's relatives and her ... demons. WILLOW: Oh my god, last night, that rehearsal dinner. That was like a, a zoo without the table manners. And I bet it got worse after we left. BUFFY: I just can't believe everyone bought that story about Anya's people being circus folk. Did you see the guy with the tentacles? What's he supposed to be? Inky the Squid Boy? WILLOW: And Xander's family. I haven't seen them that bad since my bat mitzvah. Ugh, did you see how much they drank? BUFFY: Kinda. Mr. Harris threw up in my purse. Willow makes a sympathetic face. Anya appears in the doorway, wearing a bathrobe. She sees the other two, gasps and puts her hands to her mouth. ANYA: Oh! Buffy and Willow exchange a look, unsure whether Anya is delighted or horrified. ANYA: Ohh. (sighs) You guys look so beautiful! She walks over and hugs them both at the same time. ANYA: This is the happiest day of my whole life! Lightning flashes again. Across Anya's back, Willow and Buffy exchange another look. Willow looks annoyed, Buffy tolerant. XANDER VOICEOVER: You seen my cuff-links, Uncle Rory? Cut to Xander's apartment. Xander stands near the kitchen nook, wearing a tuxedo shirt (only partially buttoned) and black pants. We see an older man in a purple bathrobe, red boxers, and no shirt, fiddling with the coffee machine. XANDER: Little metal deals, hold my sleeves together? (holds up his hands so we can see the open cuffs) UNCLE RORY: Ah, you don't want those. What you really want is Velcro. Did I ever tell you how that was my idea? KRELVIN: 'Scuse me, coming through. A demon (Krelvin) goes by, patting Xander on the back. He is almost normal-looking except for his extremely warty face. Uncle Rory opens a drawer and pokes around. In background we see a large middle-aged woman (Cousin Carol) pouring cereal into a bowl for a little girl (Karen). KRELVIN: (to Xander) Hey. XANDER: Hey! KRELVIN: How you doin'? XANDER: Good. Krelvin proceeds toward the refrigerator. Closer sh*t of Cousin Carol and Karen staring. Krelvin opens the fridge. XANDER: Rory? Whatcha doin' there? UNCLE RORY: (bending over, fiddling with the coffee machine) Well, I'm trying to make myself an Irish coffee, but this stupid thing is on the fritz. XANDER: Yeah, uh, watch it, it's still plugged in. Suddenly Uncle Rory straightens up and begins to shake as if he's electrocuting. Xander lunges forward to unplug the coffee machine. Uncle Rory stops shaking. UNCLE RORY: Gotcha. Xander rolls his eyes, exasperated. Little Karen takes a h*t from an asthma inhaler. KRELVIN: (closing fridge) Oh, is, is that broken? You want me to take a look at that? UNCLE RORY: Knock yourself out there, Kevin. (moves the coffee maker to the edge of the counter) KRELVIN: Uh, it's, uh, Krelvin. UNCLE RORY: Right, right. Krelvin. The door opens and two more middle-aged people enter, dressed for rainy weather. The woman (Xander's Mom, Jessica Harris) has on a long coat, and a scarf tied around her head. The man (Xander's Dad, Anthony Harris) wears a tuxedo with a raincoat over it. MRS. HARRIS: Whoo! (waving at everyone) MR. HARRIS: (tapping his watch) Xander, you're not ready yet? (Xander rolling his eyes) MRS. HARRIS: Look at my hair. (looking at her reflection in a compact) Of course, I suppose it doesn't really matter, 'cause I won't actually be in any of the pictures. XANDER: (exasperated) You'll be in the pictures, Mom. KRELVIN: I think your hair looks lovely. (resumes examining the coffee machine) MRS. HARRIS: Oh. Xander's Dad looks annoyed. XANDER: Hey, hey, how's about some breakfast? (Uncle Rory walks by, gives Xander's Dad a coffee mug) MRS. HARRIS: Oh, well, I guess if I'm a little plump it doesn't matter, since I won't really be- XANDER: You'll be in the pictures, Mom! MR. HARRIS: (gestures with coffee cup toward Krelvin) That's one of hers, right? (to Krelvin) Hey. You're one of hers, right? XANDER: You met Krelvin already, Dad. Last night. KRELVIN: Yeah. Yeah, uh, we met. You, uh, you said I resembled your mother-in-law. MRS. HARRIS: Tony! MR. HARRIS: (remembering) Oh, yeah. KRELVIN: And then, you h*t me with a cocktail wiener, and then you insulted my heritage. MR. HARRIS: Heritage? Being circus folks is suddenly heritage now? I mean no disrespect, of course. (sh*t of Xander looking resigned as his mother buttons his shirt) I'm sure you come from a long, proud line of geeks. Mr. Harris is amused. Xander isn't. He brushes past his father toward the door. MR. HARRIS: I'm kidding. Just kidding. COUSIN CAROL: Xander? Xander! Cousin Carol hurries up to Xander as he's trying to escape. COUSIN CAROL: (softly) You know that guy Kevin? If he could clear up the skin problem... do you think... (sighs) Do you suppose he'd date a woman with a kid? (Xander staring at her) I mean, I really can't afford to be very picky. XANDER: Cousin Carol? Your earrings are my cufflinks. COUSIN CAROL: They are? (puts hands to her ears) Oh my. Oops. She takes off the "earrings" and hands them over. XANDER: Excellent. (calls toward the others) Cufflinks: check. We're rolling. Nothing on earth can stop this wedding now. Cut to: exterior Sunnydale, business district. It's pouring rain. The streets are deserted. Suddenly the outline of a man appears, in red, walking. It turns into an actual man. He is elderly, wears a raincoat and holds an umbrella. He pauses, looks around, opens the umbrella and holds it over his head, resumes walking. Lightning flashes, thunder rumbles. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Casey Sander, Kali Rocha, Andy Umberger, Lee Garlington, Jan Hoag, George D. Wallace, Amber Benson as Tara, and Steven Gilborn. Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, directed by David Solomon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on close sh*t of Xander's waist with the tuxedo shirt tucked into the pants and the cummerbund covering it. XANDER: (panting) Is it too small? Cut out to reveal Buffy standing behind Xander, trying to fasten the cummerbund. Buffy is wearing the tuxedo jacket over her bridesmaid dress. BUFFY: (unconvincingly) Nah. XANDER: (nervous) It fit when I picked up the tux. How could it not fit now? BUFFY: (pulling) It'll fit. XANDER: Aw, man, what if it doesn't? (looking at himself in a mirror) What if I can't wear my cummerbund, (panicking) and then the whole world can see the place where my pants meet my shirt? Buffy, that can NOT happen. I must wear das cummerbund! Sound of fabric straining as Buffy pulls hard on the cummerbund. BUFFY: (strained) And so... you... shall! She finishes fastening it and removes her hands, smiling triumphantly. XANDER: Hey, you got it! (turning to face her) BUFFY: (smiling) Slayer strength. Buffy takes a bow-tie from around her neck and puts it around Xander's neck, begins tying it. XANDER: And I've been meaning to cut back on that habit-forming oxygen. BUFFY: Look at you. You look great, Mr. About-To-Get-Married. (smiling) Glowing. b*at while Buffy continues trying to tie the bow-tie. Suddenly she stops smiling. BUFFY: Oh my god! Maybe you're pregnant! XANDER: (grins) Maybe. I dunno. Maybe I'm just happy. Buffy looks at him, starts to well up. XANDER: (concerned) Teary. BUFFY: Oh! (sniffles) Good. Good teary. XANDER: Happy teary? Not frustrated with bow-tie teary? BUFFY: (still fiddling with bow tie) Yes. Happy. Happy for you. That makes me happy for me. You and Anya give me hope. It's like ... you two are proof that there's light at the end of this very long, long, nasty tunnel. And, I cannot tie this tie. Isn't, where's your best man, isn't she supposed to do this? XANDER: Well, she said she had something important to do. Cut to: close sh*t of Anya's waist, wearing bridal gown. Hands attempting to button the tiny buttons all up the back of the gown. Pan up to reveal that it's Tara trying to button the gown while Willow stands watching. WILLOW: Want me to hold it shut for you? TARA: O-okay. They both smile nervously. Willow reaches over to hold the edges of the gown shut. ANYA: (OS) Are you guys even listening? Cut to close sh*t on Anya. Her shoulders are bare and she wears an eye-mask over her face. Her hair is in curlers. We still don't see the bridal gown. ANYA: I need feedback, people. TARA: Sorry. Please continue with the vows. (smiling at Willow) ANYA: (clears throat) 'I, Anya, promise to ... love you, to cherish you, (Willow kneeling down to work on the dress) ...to honor you, uh, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?' Tara and Willow grin in amusement and giggle a little, exchanging a look behind Anya's back. ANYA: 'However, I do entrust you with...' (pauses, hears the others chuckling) What? Is something funny? TARA: No, n-nothing, sweetie, just, just keep still. (smiling at Willow) ANYA: (clears throat) Okay. Blah, blah, blah, misogynistic. Blah, blah, 'I do however entrust you ... um, with my heart. Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because, it's all that I have. And, if you let me, I'll take care of your heart too.' Willow and Tara exchange another look, less giggly, more moved. ANYA: 'I'll protect it and tend to it, like a little stray.' Wait, no. 'Like a, a little mangy stray that needs a home.' (Willow and Tara amused again) No, that's not it either. TARA: Um... (clears throat) I think we're all set here. Let's ... take a look at you. Anya turns around as Willow and Tara step back, standing side by side. They both gaze at Anya with open mouths. TARA: Oh. WILLOW: Wow. You look lovely. Really... lovely. Anya smiles, turns away from them again to face the mirror. We finally get a full-body sh*t of her in the bridal gown. It's white, strapless, fitted down to the knees then flaring out into the train. Anya is standing on a low platform in front of the mirror. ANYA: Thanks. It's probably the blush of imprudent spending. Do you think Xander will like it? (turns back to them, nervously) Oh, I want to see Xander now! WILLOW: You can't. It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress, remember? ANYA: Right. I can't keep all these ridiculous traditions straight. What if I'm not wearing my dress when I see him? (Willow giving her a scolding look) Okay, no sex. Cuddling? (Willow and Tara giggling) Okay. It's just I'm so excited and I want to share it all with my best friend. (excited) I get to be with my best friend forever! (squealing) Yay! Cut to: exterior sh*t of the wedding location. The sign above the doors reads: "Sunnydale Bison's Lodge." Cars are pulling up, people are walking in the two sets of double-doors. It's still raining and the guests have umbrellas, etc. Cut to inside the lobby. Guests arriving, ushers taking their coats, people standing around chatting, etc. Pan over to where Uncle Rory is standing with his arm around a young blonde woman, who wears a black-and-white caterer's uniform. Dawn stands there with them, wearing the ugly green bridesmaid dress. UNCLE RORY: Guess who agreed to be my date for tonight. CATERER: I'm really supposed to be working. I'm one of the caterers? UNCLE RORY: Oh, hush, hush. No woman of mine is gonna work. All you have to do is sit pretty, and laugh when I tell a good one. Tell her what a funny guy I am, Dawnie. DAWN: (quickly) Gotta go. (nervous laugh) Enjoy the wedding. Dawn makes her escape. Uncle Rory laughs, turns around. He still has his arm around the caterer's shoulders so she is forced to turn with him. UNCLE RORY: (noticing something) Oh. Bad head. CATERER: What? We see a large bison head mounted on the wall. It wears a bridal veil. UNCLE RORY: Well, the lip wasn't split right. (lets her go, walks over to the head) You see, what you gotta do is you gotta grab the lip between your thumb and your finger, and then you have to slice right through the center of the meat. He makes demonstrating gestures. The caterer nods politely. Then he puts his arm around her again. UNCLE RORY: It was my trade. (leading her away) I used to stuff things. I still do. But only for fun. Cut to Dawn moving through the crowd. A couple of goth-types nod politely at her. She smiles at them, then gets to the front door just as D'Hoffryn enters, carrying a bright orange box with a purple bow. He gives his umbrella to an attendant and looks at Dawn. D'HOFFRYN: Ah. Hymen's greetings. DAWN: Hy - what? D'HOFFRYN: Hymen, the God of Matrimony. His salutations upon you. May the love we celebrate today avoid an almost inevitable decline. DAWN: (shrugging) Cool. D'HOFFRYN: I brought a gift. I suppose there's a table. Behind him we see Halfrek entering, giving her umbrella to the attendant. She is wearing a bridesmaid's dress and her demon face. DAWN: Oh, uh... (noticing Halfrek) Halfrek. Hello. HALFREK: Oh, please! Call me Hallie, we're practically family now. DAWN: (displeased) Hmm. Neat. (to D'Hoffryn) I can put this on the table for you. D'HOFFRYN: (giving her the box) Thank you. Uh, careful, it's, uh- DAWN: Fragile? D'HOFFRYN: Squirmy. Dawn looks at the box. We see that it has numerous holes in it. A tentacle pokes out of one of them, making Dawn jump and gasp. DAWN: Oh. Looking a bit nervous, she turns away, carrying the box. Halfrek falls in step beside her. D'Hoffryn follows behind. HALFREK: So, Dawnie, how's everything? Going good? Nothing you, uh, nothing you *wish* was different...? D'HOFFRYN: Hallie, for Yekk's sake, take a day off. We're not here to do vengeance, we're here to mingle. Close sh*t on the box as Dawn puts it down on a table. The tentacles continue poking out. HALFREK: (OS) Oh, look. It's (unintelligible) Dawn finishes dealing with the box and turns toward the door. Long sh*t of Spike entering, with his arm around a Skanky Goth Girl. He looks around, super-casual. Dawn spots him and walks toward him. DAWN: Spike! SPIKE: (turns) Oh. Uh, I want you to meet my date. DAWN: (politely) Hi. I'm Dawn. (shaking hands) SKANKY GOTH GIRL: Uh-huh. SPIKE: (still trying to be cool) So, yeah. Anyway, that's my date. She's with me. My date for the wedding. DAWN: (not getting it) Yeah. Okay, well, nice meeting you. They move off in opposite directions. The camera continues following Dawn through the crowd. There's a mixture of regular people and demons. Dawn passes a small group that includes Cousin Carol, Xander's Mom, Uncle Rory, and two demons. One has tentacles on his face and huge clawed hands like lobster claws. The other is Clem. COUSIN CAROL: So, circus folk. What's that like? UNCLE RORY: Uh, your friend, uh, the, the fellow with the warts, went off on his circus 'heritage,' like you folks are all in some kind of cult or something. CLEM: Well, there are ancient ways. (the others staring at him) Clowning, as an occupation, grew out of the commedia del'arte, and, uh, ancient sports, of course. (Cousin Carol nodding, smiling) UNCLE RORY: Yeah, well, the thing is, if you expect Xander to bring up his kids in some kinda foreign-speaky bow-to-the-easty kinda cult- TENTACLE DEMON: So you think the children should be raised in ignorance of our ways? (Xander's Mom looking nervous) COUSIN CAROL: No! No, the Harrises are very broad-minded. We're Episcopalians. sh*t of Xander's Mom smiling nervously. In background, we see her husband sitting at the bar holding a glass. MR. HARRIS: 'Til death do us part. (cut to closer sh*t as he laughs sourly) That's what cracks me up. He drains his glass and puts it down on the bar. MR. HARRIS: h*t me again, barkeep. In the crowd, we see the old man from before. He walks among the people, looking around, looking anxious. Cut to another room. Xander is now fully dressed with properly tied bow-tie, jacket, corsage in the jacket pocket, hair neatly combed. He finishes adjusting the jacket and takes a deep breath. XANDER: How do I look? Reveal Buffy sitting in a chair in front of him. BUFFY: Well, let's see. (looking him slowly up from feet to head) Found your shoes ... your fly's zipped. I'd say you look like you're ready to get married. Xander nods nervously. Buffy gets up and walks over to him. BUFFY: You're one of the decent ones, Xander. I hope I'm as lucky as you guys someday. XANDER: You wanna get lucky? I've still got, what, fifteen, twenty minutes? Buffy smiles, hugs him. BUFFY: Oh! All right. (pulls back) Into the breach with you. XANDER: Okay, breach me. Buffy takes his hand and they head toward the door. XANDER: Now, let's go over the list one more time. Number one? Cut to the corridor as they emerge and begin to walk. BUFFY: Don't let your dad near the bar. XANDER: Check. Number two? BUFFY: Don't let your mom near the bar. XANDER: Check. DAWN: (OS) Hey Buffy. Xander and Buffy turn as Dawn comes around a corner behind them. They don't stop walking. Dawn falls in with them. DAWN: Spike's here and he brought a total skank. BUFFY: (confused) A- DAWN: Skank! A manic-panicked freak who he's like totally macking with right in the middle of the room. (they stop walking) I saw him shove his tongue- BUFFY: Spike brought a date? DAWN: Yeah. (snickering) Wait till you see her. Buffy looks like she isn't sure how she feels about that. XANDER: Guys, I better go meet and greet. BUFFY: Uh, just go ahead. I'll be a sec. Xander walks off. Dawn and Buffy watch him go. Xander gets to the doors leading out into the main lodge area. The doors are closed. He pauses for a moment, composing himself, taking a deep breath. Then reaches for the doorknob. Cut to the lobby. Xander opens the door and peeks out. Then moves into the room, closing the door behind him. A guy comes up to him and shakes his hand. He smiles and nods. Other people notice Xander, turn to smile at him, pat his back, shake his hand, say "congratulations" etc. Xander moves through the crowd. An elderly woman starts pinching Xander's cheeks. His mom comes up. MRS. HARRIS: Alexander. Do you realize that the usher sat us in the third row? XANDER: Mom, I'm sure it was a mistake. MRS. HARRIS: Well, I-I don't think it was really- The creepy old man comes over, as does Uncle Rory. OLD MAN: Excuse me. UNCLE RORY: Say Neph, do you know where the photographer is? I've got a proposition for him- OLD MAN: (tugging Xander's arm) Please, I really need to talk to you. DAWN: (OS) Xander? MRS. HARRIS: Honey, listen to me. Xander is surrounded and looks a bit overwhelmed. Dawn comes hurrying over. DAWN: Xander, one of Anya's presents got loose! XANDER: Got loose? MRS. HARRIS: It's fine- (unintelligible) DAWN: Yeah, it's a fully live squiggily thingy (Xander's mom still talking) and hey, and why is Halfrek a bridesmaid? OLD MAN: Please, please, you have to listen. (pulls Xander away) You have to listen to me! Dawn, Rory, and Xander's Mom continue talking over each other as the old man pulls Xander a few feet away. OLD MAN: You can't get married today. It's a huge mistake. XANDER: Yeah right, thanks for the advice, Uncle ... help me here? OLD MAN: Uncle? You don't recognize me, do you? XANDER: I'm sorry, I don't- OLD MAN: It sounds crazy, I know. But you have to believe me. (Xander looking puzzled) I'm Xander Harris. I'm you. Xander stares at him. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. XANDER: What do you mean, you're me? OLD MAN: I'm you. I'm you from the future. XANDER: Oh, from the future! For a minute I thought you were a nutball but now that you're from the future- OLD MAN: (agitated) Please, listen to me. I found a way back to warn you. To tell you- XANDER: Hey, hey, easy, easy. Everything's going to be all right. MR. HARRIS: (OS) Toast! XANDER: (looks over his shoulder) I swear I told that guy no drinks before the ceremony. MR. HARRIS: (OS) Toast! We see Mr. Harris at the bar, standing up and raising his glass as the other guests look over. MR. HARRIS: A toast! To the Harris clan. OLD MAN: Look. Look! I can prove it to you. MR. HARRIS: (faintly in background) I know in the past we've had our problems... The old man reaches into his pants pocket and takes out a small glowing purple orb. Xander's Dad continues talking in the background. OLD MAN: I thought you might need convincing. Come on. Follow me. He leads Xander away. Xander looks over his shoulder at his dad, who continues talking, quite drunk. MR. HARRIS: ...and to my wife, Jessica. Where are you, honey? He looks around. Mrs. Harris is standing amongst the others, looking embarrassed. Uncle Rory points at her. MR. HARRIS: There she is. (raising glass) To my wife. What would I do without you, beautiful? Mrs. Harris looks a bit surprised, smiles. MR. HARRIS: Wellllllll, for starters, I probably wouldn't need to drink so much, would I. Mrs. Harris looks hurt. The other guests look uncomfortable. MR. HARRIS: On the brighter side, marriage has probably saved me from a nasty dose of the clap. (chuckles) Here's to ya. (drinks) We see Clem and the Tentacle Demon standing side-by-side nearby. CLEM: Does this jerk ever shut up? TENTACLE DEMON: He's starting to make my suckers twitch. MR. HARRIS: And a toast ... to the bride's dermatologically-challenged family shrub. TENTACLE DEMON: Sit down! MR. HARRIS: Hey, I paid for all this! You want me to sit down, you cough up a couple of grand, Squidly. The Tentacle Demon starts toward Mr. Harris, angry. TENTACLE DEMON: What'd you call me, you drunken piece of sh- BUFFY: Mazel tov! Buffy appears and grabs Mr. Harris's arm, leading him away just in time. They walk off as Clem moves to placate the tentacle demon. MR. HARRIS: Hey, what's this? BUFFY: (super-cheerful) You must be so happy for Xander on his very special, once-in-a-lifetime day, huh, Mr. Harris? MR. HARRIS: (ogling her) Nice chassis, what's under the hood? Rrowr! BUFFY: You know, I could use a strong cup of coffee. Hey, let's get you one too, what do you say? MR. HARRIS: Did you used to own a little square pinkish purse? BUFFY: (less cheerful, sighs) I did. As they pass by, we see Spike standing by a wall with his skanky date. He watches Buffy go by. MR. HARRIS: I thought so. Hey, what do you say we slip in the back room and I show you my- BUFFY: You finish that sentence and I guarantee you won't have anything to show. Mr. Harris stares at Buffy. She yanks his arm, pulling him away. Cut to another room. The old man enters, still holding the glass orb (no longer glowing). Xander follows. They walk into the middle of the room and face each other. The old man holds the orb in both hands. XANDER: What is it? OLD MAN: It's magic. (The orb begins to glow again) Very powerful. Look at it. You'll see what I've seen. Feel what I've felt. Xander stares at the orb. It continues to glow with a strong purple light. Suddenly the light sh**t in a beam from the orb onto Xander's forehead. Then he seems to morph into the beam of light and gets sucked back into the orb. Cut to: a messy living room. An ironing board piled with clothes, stuff on the floor, etc. In background we see a foyer and a door to the outside. It's sunny. In foreground there's a big leather-covered armchair. The stream of light appears and resolves into Xander, sitting in the chair, holding a bottle of beer in one hand and a TV remote in the other. He still wears his tuxedo. sh*t of the TV, showing a football game. XANDER: (calls) Anya. No reply. He sits staring at the TV for a b*at. XANDER: Anya! Two children come running in. The boy is a little older, about ten and the girl is about eight. The girl has bright makeup on her face and large pointed ears. SARAH: (shrieks) Get the hell away from me! Dad, Josh is teasing me. JOSH: Sarah's a weirdo! Sarah's a weirdo! Sarah whines and runs off, pursued by Josh. Anya appears in the doorway, wearing a red suit, tucking her blouse into the skirt. Her expression is bored, or resigned. ANYA: (to Xander) What. XANDER: You going out again? ANYA: (picking up a small wastebasket) I'm doing a make-over party. XANDER: I thought you hated those. ANYA: Well, one of us has to make some money. (picking up empty beer bottles) XANDER: (angry) Well, what do you want me to do, Anya? Huh? I can't work. My back is sh*t. ANYA: And whose fault is that? XANDER: Oh, no no no. Not the Buffy thing again. ANYA: You had no business fighting demons with her. XANDER: Buffy needed me. I had to help. ANYA: (bitterly) Well, it didn't save her, did it? (Xander drinking beer) All it did was ruin our lives. Anya turns away, puts the wastebasket down. Xander sits staring at the TV, but not seeing it, looking hurt. ANYA: (OS) I'll be late. Xander continues sitting there upset. Anya leaves out the front door, slamming it. XANDER: (yells) I hope you crash in your stupid pink car! Flash to a restaurant, years later. Xander and Anya sit on one side of a booth, their children on the other. Now Josh is about eighteen and Sarah about sixteen. Xander still wears his tux and looks the same age, but Anya looks about fifty. Josh is staring at a Palm Pilot or similar device in his hand. Xander is drinking red wine. He pauses, looks at Anya who's looking at him. XANDER: What? SARAH: (OS) I hate this place. Anya shakes her head at Xander as if to say 'nothing'. We see that Sarah's large floppy demon ears are much bigger now, and have many piercings. SARAH: You guys know I don't eat wheat. JOSH: You don't eat anything, freak. SARAH: At least I'm not a mama's boy. JOSH: At least I'm not a demonic freak. SARAH: Dad, make him cut it! XANDER: Maybe you should talk to your mother about that. ANYA: You've had too much wine. XANDER: Have I? (angry) I'm just saying maybe you should talk to your daughter! SARAH: Ohh, I hate you guys! (standing up) And I know that you're not my real dad, and I hate you, I hate you both! I wish you'd die! Sarah storms off. Anya continues eating. Xander takes another sip of wine. JOSH: This sucks. Flash to a kitchen, even more years later. The sink is piled with dirty dishes. XANDER: (O.S.) If you were so unhappy, why didn't you just leave? ANYA: (O.S.) I wanted to. I should have! Pan over to a small table against a wall. Xander and Anya sit there, facing each other across the table. He is still in his tux and still the same age. Anya is much older. XANDER: Yeah, you should have. 'Cause then maybe I would have gotten some touch in the past twenty years. ANYA: I wasn't the one who stopped touching! XANDER: Oh! Maybe, but you weren't touching me! He jumps up angrily, begins to pace. ANYA: What did you expect me to do? You wouldn't come near me after Buffy- XANDER: (shouts) Don't bring her into this! ANYA: Fine. Forget her. Maybe you were just born to be a bitter, angry old man. XANDER: (quietly, very angry) Shut up. ANYA: No! (tearfully) I want my life back! If I hadn't married you I wouldn't have had to hate myself for the last THIRTY YEARS! Xander grabs a frying pan off the stove and lunges toward Anya, screaming. XANDER: SHUT UP! As he swings the frying pan toward her face, we flash back to the present. The purple light clears away from Xander's face. sh*t of the orb in the old man's hands. The light goes back into it and it stops glowing. Xander is panting, looks shocked. OLD MAN: I'm so sorry. I didn't want to show you. XANDER: What happened? What was that? OLD MAN: A glimpse of your future. Harnessed ... by magic. XANDER: Is she okay? (panicky) Is she okay, what did I do?! OLD MAN: Listen. I don't have long here. The spell that brought me back, it won't last. (Xander still looking shell-shocked) But you can change things. It doesn't have to go like this. But you can't marry Anya. XANDER: But- OLD MAN: You'll hurt her less today than you will later. Believe me. Sometimes, two people ... all they bring each other ... is pain. Xander stares at him, horrified. Cut to the lobby. Buffy walks by. Most of the guests have taken their seats in the main room. There are short white pedestals holding vases of flowers at the entrance to the aisle. Buffy walks along the corridor, pauses as she spots something up ahead. Reveal Spike, leaning against a wall. His skanky date is nowhere to be seen. He looks up, notices Buffy, looks down at the floor. Buffy looks nervous, steels herself and walks over to him. SPIKE: (quietly) Hello, Buffy. BUFFY: Hey. SPIKE: It's a happy occasion. You meet my friend? BUFFY: No. Not yet. But she seems like a very nice attempt at making me jealous. SPIKE: (small smile) Is it working? BUFFY: (quietly) A little. It doesn't change anything ... but if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts. SPIKE: (softly) I'm sorry. (remembers himself) Or, Good! Buffy smiles a little. SPIKE: You want us to go? BUFFY: No. No, I ... you have every right to be here. I pretty much deserve- SPIKE: That's not true, you... (sighs, looks at the ceiling) God, this is hard. BUFFY: Yeah. SPIKE: (sighs) I think we'll go. BUFFY: Go where? To your place? SPIKE: (not thrilled) Yeah, I suppose. That was the idea. BUFFY: Yeah. SPIKE: (defensively) Evil. BUFFY: Of course. SPIKE: But I won't. Or I... (frustrated) I'll just go. Give 'em my best or whatever. The happy couple. BUFFY: I will. SPIKE: (quietly) It's nice to watch you be happy. For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You, uh... you glow. BUFFY: (smiles) That's because the dress is radioactive. Spike snorts. They share an amused moment. BUFFY: I should... SPIKE: Yeah. She starts to walk past him. SPIKE: But it hurts? She stops, turns back. BUFFY: Yeah. SPIKE: (quietly) Thanks. He turns and walks off. Buffy watches him go. BUFFY: (to herself) You're welcome. We see Spike a bit farther down the hall, finding his date. He grabs her hand. SPIKE: Let's go then. SKANKY GOTH GIRL: What about the wedding? SPIKE: Let's just piss off, all right? He pulls her out the door. Cut to the Bison Lodge kitchen. Xander is pacing back and forth, staring at the floor, still upset. Willow appears in the doorway, sees him and smiles. She walks toward him. WILLOW: I'll say this for the Y chromosome ... looks good in a tux. XANDER: (tries to smile) Well, your double X's don't look too bad there, either. WILLOW: (fiddles with his clothing) You're getting married. My little Xander. XANDER: All growed up. WILLOW: It's a good thing I realized I was gay, otherwise, hey, you, me and formal wear... Xander gives a small smile and hugs her. Over her shoulder, his face looks very conflicted. WILLOW: Do you know how much I love you? XANDER: Mmm ... 'bout half as much as I love you. Willow smiles, pulls out of the hug. WILLOW: (smiling) You ready for the long walk? XANDER: Um ... yeah, just give me a sec, I wanna work on my vows. WILLOW: Take your time. It's not like we can start the wedding without you. She smiles at him and leaves. Xander watches her go, dropping his brave smile. Cut to the bridal room. Anya has her hair out of curlers now, pulled back and covered with the veil. She also wears a thin silver necklace. ANYA: 'I, Anya, promise to cherish you...' Ew, no, not cherish. Uh, 'I promise...' We see Tara sitting on a sofa nearby, observing, looking a little bored. ANYA: '...to have sex with you whenever ... *I* want, and, uh... (walking down off the platform) uh, pledge to be your friend, and your wife, and your confidant, and your sex poodle...' TARA: Uh, sex poodle? ANYA: Yeah, why? TARA: Um, I'm not sure you should say 'sex poodle' in your vows. ANYA: Huh. Cut to the main room. A string quartet begins to play. The guests look around, expectant. Cut back to the bridal room. Anya hears the music faintly, looks excited. ANYA: Music. They're playing the music! This is it. She smiles with major excitement. The door opens and Buffy pokes her head in. BUFFY: Are you ready to go? But before Anya can answer, something pulls Buffy back into the hall. Cut to the hallway. Buffy pulls the door closed as she turns to look at Willow, who had pulled her away. WILLOW: He's gone. Xander disappeared! Buffy stares in dismay. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. BUFFY: What? Xander's gone? (anxious) Wha-what should we do? WILLOW: I'm gonna go look for him ... I'm gonna find him. A-and you're going to stall. Willow rushes off. Buffy looks very nervous. She turns back to the door. Cut back to the bridal room. Buffy re-enters. BUFFY: Uh, heh, sorry about that. Um... (closes the door) there's just gonna be a little bit of a delay. ANYA: Why? What's wrong? BUFFY: Nothing! (Tara comes up beside Buffy) Nothing's wrong, it's just, um, it, the, the, minister. He had, uh ... to go ... and perform an emergency C-section. ANYA: A C-section? (Tara looking very dubious) BUFFY: Yeah! You know, he's, uh, not, not just a minister, he's also a, a doctor. You know, he's half-minister, half-doctor, he's a-a mini-tor. Not, of course, to be confused with a minotaur! Because he's all, you know, man, this doctor minister man, no, no bull parts whatsoever. ANYA: (turns away to primp in the mirror) Uh-huh. BUFFY: So it, it should just be a couple of minutes. ANYA: Okay. Buffy fidgets for a moment, opens the door and leaves. Tara continues standing there looking nervous. ANYA: (still looking in mirror, clears throat) Okay. (turns to face Tara) For the last time. 'I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because ... I love you and I'll always love you. And ... before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person, really...' Cut to the street. Xander walks along in the rain, still wearing his tux, getting soaked. ANYA VOICEOVER: '...and I had seen what love could do to people, and it was ... hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly there was you, and ... you knew me. You saw me, and it was this ... thing. You make me feel safe and warm.' Cut back to the bridal room. ANYA: 'So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do.' Cut to the main room. The guests are restless, fidgeting in their seats. All the demons are seated to the left of the aisle and the Harrises on the right -- except that Clem also sits on the right side. KAREN: I'm bored. COUSIN CAROL: It's a wedding, honey. We're all bored. Buffy appears at the end of the aisle, coming to tell everyone about the delay. Seeing her, the string quartet begins to play the wedding march ("Here Comes the Bride"). Everyone turns to look. Buffy is flustered, waves at the musicians, making throat-cutting gestures, trying to get them to stop. BUFFY: No! No, it isn't ... (to guests, nervously) It's not what you think. She hurries toward the altar. Cousin Carol wipes her eyes with a handkerchief. COUSIN CAROL: (tearfully) Beautiful. Buffy goes up onto the dais to talk to the minister, putting her hand over the microphone to muffle it. The guests observe. Close sh*t of Cousin Carol giving a small flirty smile across the aisle. Pan over to Krelvin, returning the smile bashfully. Buffy finishes talking to the minister, puts on a huge fake smile and goes back down the aisle. The musicians begin to play the recessional music. Buffy glares at them, and they stop. The guests get even more restless. Mr. Harris gets up and leaves. Mrs. Harris watches him angrily. Cut to the bridal room. Anya is pacing angrily. ANYA: I mean, I am sorry, but what the hell is that minister thinking? TARA: Uh, I don't know, he- ANYA: I mean, delivering a baby! On my special day! I mean, it's totally rude of him and the mother. I mean, why couldn't he have just told her to hold it? Cut back to the main room. The guests are extremely fidgety. Cut to the lobby. Mr. Harris sits on a bar stool, tapping his fingers on the bar. Mrs. Harris stands nearby. MR. HARRIS: Gimme a double Jack. MRS. HARRIS: This is a disaster. MR. HARRIS: It's that Anya, I know it. She made us pay for the whole thing and now she's going to louse it up. Women! MRS. HARRIS: (annoyed) I offered to help. She didn't want my help. Cut to the main room. Everyone fidgets. Karen is using her inhaler. Cousin Carol gets up and walks off. Angle on Halfrek in the front row, with D'Hoffryn behind her. HALFREK: This thing totally isn't happening. We should have known that she would never, ever- D'HOFFRYN: I'm worried about Anya. HALFREK: (bitterly) Oh, sure. Of course you are. D'HOFFRYN: Oh, Halfrek. (leans forward and puts hands on her shoulder) You know I love all my demons equally. Halfrek looks mollified. Cousin Carol hurries up to Buffy, who is standing at the back of the room. COUSIN CAROL: Buffy, you've gotta do something. Buffy looks dismayed. Cut to: close sh*t of the microphone on the stage. A hand reaches out and removes the mike from its stand. Reveal Buffy looking out at the crowd. BUFFY: (fake cheer) So ... who here's from out of town? The guests stare at her. b*at. Then Clem raises his hand, grinning. Cut to a doorway somewhere nearby. Dawn is talking to a teenage demon who has small curved horns on his forehead. They each hold a fruity drink. DEMON TEEN: My family is worse. DAWN: (scoffs) No way. Mine is so messed up you have no idea. DEMON TEEN: No, just wait until you see my mom dance at the reception, okay, and then tell me who's messed up. DAWN: (laughs) I guess they're all messed up. DEMON TEEN: Yeah. Everybody's pretty lame. Cut back to the main room. Buffy is still on stage, but the mike is back in its stand. Buffy holds up a finger, grinning. GUESTS: First word... Buffy puts her fingers up to her head like horns and moves from side to side. GUESTS: (guessing) Antlers? Animals? Bull! Buffy smiles, nods yes, points at the person who said "bull." Cut to the hallway. Anya walks along. Tara runs up behind her. TARA: Anya, wait up! ANYA: This bride waits for no one. If the minister's not here yet, well then we'll just have to get married without a minister. Cut to the main room. Buffy and Krelvin are on-stage. Buffy is juggling three yellow apples(?). Krelvin also begins to juggle another three. The guests applaud. Buffy stops juggling but drops one of her apples. She smiles a big fake smile and takes a small bow. Krelvin hands her another apple. Cut to the doorway where Dawn and the demon teen are. They hear the applause, look over at the main room. DEMON TEEN: Geez. What is the holdup? DAWN: Can you keep a secret? They start walking back toward the main room. DAWN: Nobody knows this, but the groom? He took off and no one can find him. They have emerged into the hallway outside the main room, and Anya goes by just in time to hear this. She stops short. Tara runs up beside her. ANYA: (turning to Dawn) What? DAWN: (uh-oh) Um... DEMON TEEN: I'll catch you later, Dawn. He bails. Dawn looks very upset. ANYA: Xander's gone? Xander is missing? (loudly) What do you mean Xander's missing?! sh*t of the main room. Everyone heard Anya's last shout. They all turn around in their seats to look at her. Close sh*t on Buffy onstage, looking dismayed. Close sh*t on Anya panting, looking around in extreme anxiety. She starts forward, into the room. UNCLE RORY: (chuckles) It's a joke. Xander's playing a joke. It's like one time, at one of Carol's weddings, I had this ape suit- TENTACLE DEMON: Oh, great. UNCLE RORY: -and I put it on- TENTACLE DEMON: Another Harris family joke. The Harrises look insulted. TENTACLE DEMON: (to Mr. Harris) Why don't *you* have another drink? MR. HARRIS: (slurred) Drinking ... is the only way I can dull the pain ... (stands up) of looking at your ugly face. The Tentacle Demon stands up too, and goes over to confront Mr. Harris. TENTACLE DEMON: You better think real hard about this, Harris. He slaps Mr. Harris in the chest with his big claw-like hands. MR. HARRIS: Don't touch me with those nasty circus things! The Tentacle Demon slaps him again. Mr. Harris swings at him, but he ducks. TENTACLE DEMON: That's it! The demon throws a punch back, and they both fall to the floor, punching and grunting, etc. sh*t of Buffy onstage, rolling her eyes. Everyone gets up out of their seats, shrieking and so forth. A total brawl breaks out. Buffy watches in bemusement. Total chaos. sh*t of Tara trying to make her way through the crowd, shrieking when some of the fighters bump into her. Willow appears, grabs Tara's hands and pulls her to a safer spot. TARA: Thanks. WILLOW: You okay? TARA: Yeah. They gaze at each other. The fight continues. Anya wanders among the brawlers, looking around. ANYA: Xander? (to fighters) Have you seen Xander? Has anyone seen Xander? Cousin Carol grabs Anya by the hand. COUSIN CAROL: Well, I saw him go in the Trophy Room with that guy! She points across the room. Long sh*t of the old man watching the fight. Anya looks, starts making her way toward him. She intercepts him in the corridor. ANYA: You. You were talking to Xander right before he left. What did he say to you? What did you say to him? OLD MAN: Really doesn't matter now, does it? It's done. ANYA: What's done? Did you... If you said something to make him leave... OLD MAN: You'll what? Haven't changed a bit. Still as vindictive as ever. ANYA: (frowns) Do I know you? OLD MAN: You don't recognize me, Anya? I'm not the man I used to be. I know. Anya stares at him. Cut to Buffy still onstage as the fight continues. BUFFY: (into microphone) Guys! Will you break it up? Cut back to Anya and the old man. He turns to leave, but she stops him. ANYA: Xander. Where is he? You tell me, old man! You tell me why he left! OLD MAN: He left because of you. ANYA: (upset) I didn't do anything. OLD MAN: Oh, really? What about this? Suddenly the old man begins to grow, and morphs into a huge demon with gray skin, yellow eyes, and short yellowish spikes all over his head. Anya stares up at him. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. The fighting continues in the main room as Anya confronts the demon. ANYA: Tell me what you did with Xander. What are you? DEMON: (deep demony voice) You did this. You brought this on. I've waited a long time for this, Anyanka. ANYA: (tearful) Who are you? DEMON: Remember Chicago? South Side, 1914? Anya looks blank. The demon gets annoyed. DEMON: Stewart Burns. Philanderer! You'd think you'd remember. I remember you. But then again, you ruined my life. ANYA: You were a ... I punished you. DEMON: That's right. Some hussy I'd been taking around summons you, next thing I know, I look like this and I'm being tortured in another dimension. ANYA: I forgot. DEMON: Well, I didn't. The demon hits Anya across the face, making her reel back. Across the room, still on the stage, Buffy sees this. BUFFY: Anya! DEMON: Every day I remembered ... and every day I thought how I would somehow get here, and ruin your life like you ruined mine. It didn't take much either. I scared off your fiance with a couple of phony visions. ANYA: (tearful) Visions of what? DEMON: Your future. Or his nightmare vision of your future. ANYA: (crying) That's it? That's all you did? DEMON: Yeah, it was easy. Look at that, you're crying. Oh, I like that. Anya wipes at her face with her hands. ANYA: (whispers) Stop it. DEMON: Oh, cry, Anyanka, cry. I love to see you cry. And now, I'd love to see you scream. He swipes at Anya with a clawed hand, growling. She shrieks and falls to the ground. The demon goes to swing at her again but is interrupted by Buffy hitting him in the face with a folding chair. He reels back. We see Anya lying on the floor with two bloody slashes on her arm. Buffy struggles to move, reaches down to rip a slit up the skirt of her bridesmaid dress to free her legs. The demon is holding Anya, who struggles against his arm. DEMON: Come any closer and I'll k*ll her. Buffy stands where she is, glaring at him. Suddenly Xander bursts in from outside. XANDER: Anya! ANYA: Xander! The demon turns to look, and Buffy takes the opportunity to kick him in the leg. He yells and lets go of Anya. Buffy punches him a couple of times, grabs him and throws him back against the wall. He punches her and she reels back. sh*t of the main room as the brawling guests begin to notice the fight in the hallway and turn to look. Anya runs over to Xander. ANYA: I'm so ... I'm so glad you're here. It was all lies, what he showed you ... it wasn't true, he just wanted to break us up. Buffy is still fighting the demon. It grabs her by the shoulders but she breaks free and punches it in the gut. XANDER: It doesn't matter now. ANYA: So we'll be okay. Xander still looks upset, watching Buffy and the demon fight. Buffy kicks the demon, making it fall to its knees. She grabs its head and slams it on the floor. The demon lies there, groaning. Buffy rushes over to Xander and Anya, pushes between them. BUFFY: Excuse me. She grabs the veil off of the mounted bison head, runs back over as the demon is starting to get up. She wraps the veil around its neck and pulls. The demon struggles, gagging. Suddenly a white pedestal hits the demon in the face. He falls down unconscious. We see it was Xander wielding the pillar. Angle on Xander and Buffy looking down at the demon. Xander lifts the pedestal again and slams it down onto the demon -- camera angle stays on their faces the whole time. XANDER: It's d*ad. BUFFY: Yup. The whole crowd of demons and Harrises bursts into cheers and applause. Willow, Tara, and Anya walk over to Buffy and Xander. They all stand staring down at the demon corpse (which we still don't see). WILLOW: Is anyone else waiting for it to go poof? (they all continue staring at the corpse) Maybe we can cover it with flowers. The guests begin picking up chairs and setting them up again. MR. HARRIS: Look at this damage. I'm not paying for this, you freaks! KRELVIN: Stop calling us freaks! Krelvin goes over to Mr. Harris and shoves him in the chest. They resume fighting. MRS. HARRIS: Oh no! No, not again! No! Everyone begins fighting again. ANYA: Stop It! Everyone stops, stares at Anya. ANYA: (commanding) Everyone sit down! They all continue staring. ANYA: This wedding will go on, so get back in your seats! Everyone hastens to obey. Cut to a moment later. Xander and Anya stand alone by the doors, which are open, showing the street outside. They hold hands. ANYA: You know, it's bad luck to see me in my dress. She gives a little smile. Xander just looks at her, still looking in shock. ANYA: Hey. It's okay. It's all over now, he's d*ad, and it was just smoke and mirrors. XANDER: I know. ANYA: (smiling) So ... we're ready now. Let's get married. She tries to turn away but Xander is still holding her hands, stopping her. XANDER: I... Anya turns back. XANDER: I'm not. (Anya looking confused) I'm not ready. I can't, Ahn, I'm sorry. ANYA: But it wa - it wasn't real. What he showed you, it wasn't real. XANDER: I know it wasn't real. But it could be. b*at. Anya stares at him, getting teary again. ANYA: What was it? Was it about me? 'Cause he wanted you to hate me, Xander. XANDER: It wasn't you. (sighs) It wasn't you I was hating. (pauses) I had these thoughts, and ... fears before this. Another b*at. Xander stares at the floor. XANDER: Maybe we just went too fast. ANYA: Look, everybody has thoughts. It's natural, it doesn't mean that, that getting married is wrong. XANDER: I know, I know... ANYA: (desperate) Look, you're just shaken up, okay? You just calm down and we'll start over, okay? Xander looks over at the main room. sh*t of Xander's Parents yelling at each other. Mr. Harris is standing while Mrs. Harris sits in a chair. sh*t of Xander watching. Closer sh*t of Xander's Dad yelling angrily. Pan down to Xander's Mom arguing back at him. It looks like he tries to h*t her and she grabs his hand. Cut back to Xander still watching them. XANDER: (tearful) We can't start over. If this is a mistake, it's forever, and ... I don't want to hurt you. Not that way. Close sh*t on their hands separating, falling to their sides. XANDER: I'm sorry. (Anya crying) I am so sorry. Anya sniffles, wipes her eyes with her hand, continues crying. Slowly, in a daze, she turns and walks away. Xander watches her go. Then he turns and walks outside. Looks like it has stopped raining and is sunny. Anya walks to the beginning of the aisle, still holding her bouquet. The cuts on her arm are a little bloody but not serious. The string quartet begins to play the wedding march. The guests all rise. Anya starts to walk down the aisle, still looking dazed, her face streaked with tears. The guests stare in dismay. She stops at the other end of the aisle and just stands there. Cut to: close sh*t of a coffee-table with a mug on it. A hand reaches out and picks it up. DAWN: (OS) Should we do something for her? We see Dawn holding the mug. She's in the Summers living room, on the armchair. DAWN: Anything? We see Buffy sitting on the sofa, looking sad. WILLOW: (OS) She wants to be alone. That's what she wants. We see Willow sitting beside Buffy, holding another mug. WILLOW: (softly) Oh, god, it just hurts my heart to think of her. BUFFY: (softly) I know. The whole thing hurts my heart. DAWN: (softly) I thought they were happy. BUFFY: They were. I know they were. They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train. DAWN: Why did this happen? WILLOW: I don't know. I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can't. (sighs) I just ... I just hope he's okay. DAWN: I wonder where he is. Cut to: hallway of a crappy motel. The manager opens a door marked 7, revealing a crappy little room. He walks in, followed by Xander (still wearing his tux). The manager hands Xander the key. MANAGER: Not much to explain. Air conditioner's busted. Xander looks around blankly. MANAGER: That's it. Check-out's at eleven. The manager exits, closing the door behind him, leaving Xander just standing there blankly. Fade to: close sh*t on Anya's face, still tear-streaked, still wearing her wedding gown but not the veil. Around her it's all black, as in a featureless demon realm. A hand comes into sh*t, holding a handkerchief in front of Anya. She takes it but doesn't look up. Pull out to reveal D'Hoffryn, circling around behind her. D'HOFFRYN: Are you okay? ANYA: (shakes her head) I'm tired... (sniffles) of crying. (teary) I'm just so tired, D'Hoffryn. D'HOFFRYN: (sighs) Oh, Anyanka. I'm sorry. (pause) But you let him domesticate you. When you were a vengeance demon, you were powerful, at the top of your game. You crushed men like him. Anya doesn't react. D'HOFFRYN: It's time you got back to what you do best ... don't you think? Anya finally lifts her face up to look at him. Her expression is blank. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x16 - Hell's Bells"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... The g*ng in the magic shop. WILLOW: Hey Dawnie. XANDER: So, uh, anything new about Warren and the Nerd Herd? DAWN: No. XANDER: Man, a nerd goes into hiding, he really goes into hiding. Dawn and Willow in the Bronze. DAWN: Big wedding coming up ... lots of date possibilities ... you and Tara are speaking again. You wanna call her? WILLOW: No. But if I did call? She wouldn't hang up on me. Dawn and Buffy in Dawn's bedroom. DAWN: You can't even stand to be around me. BUFFY: That is not true. DAWN: You didn't wanna come back. Buffy and Spike in the crypt. BUFFY: It's over. SPIKE: I've memorized this tune, luv. BUFFY: I'm using you. And it's k*lling me. I'm sorry, William. Anya in the Bison Lodge wearing her wedding gown. ANYA: This is it. Buffy poking her head in. BUFFY: Are you ready to go? Willow pulling Buffy into the hall. WILLOW: He's gone. ANYA: Xander's gone? Xander's missing? The wedding guests turning to look. Buffy looking upset. Xander walking in the rain. ANYA: What do you mean Xander's missing? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a dark street, night. Buffy walks along, wearing a jacket, cap and gloves, holding two pieces of stapled-together paper that she studies as she walks. Zoom in closer and we see the paper is a list titled "New Rentals." The first page has a series of paragraphs, each one crossed out with red pen. Buffy stops walking, frowns at the paper, looks up at a nearby house, walks toward it. Cut to: close sh*t on a computer monitor showing Buffy walking toward the camera. Pan over and we see several more monitors next to it on a desk. Pan further and we see Jonathan sitting there, leaning his head on his hand, asleep. In background we see Andrew reading something. Andrew looks up. The barrel of a g*n appears, inches from Jonathan's head. Suddenly water squirts out of it and all over Jonathan's face. He wakes up and jumps up with a gasp. Andrew bursts into laughter. We see Warren holding the Super-Soaker. ANDREW: Oh man, your face was priceless. JONATHAN: (angry) Yeah, real funny. WARREN: It serves you right for taking Z's on lookout again. JONATHAN: What do you expect? I haven't had a decent night's sleep since... (Warren glaring at him) I mean, I'm going Jack Torrence in here, you know? Stuck in this basement for weeks! I mean, we rented the whole house, can't we at least sleep upstairs? ANDREW: We're on the lam. We have to lay low. Underground? JONATHAN: It's figurative, doofus! Did you even read Legion of Doom? (Andrew jumping up in outrage) WARREN: Okay, enough! Midgetor, get back to the monitors. The last thing we need is to be surprised by- ANDREW: (looking at monitors) Holy Geez Louise. Pan over to the monitors where another view reveals Buffy peering in the windows of the house. JONATHAN: The-the- WARREN: The frickin' Slayer. JONATHAN: She's right there! WARREN: All right, don't panic. Andrew ... deploy your little friend. Andrew grins and nods. He turns and picks up a very long wooden tube about three inches in diameter, painted with various abstract designs. He sits back in his chair, puts his mouth to one end of the tube and blows. It makes a low sound like a flugelhorn. Cut to outside. Buffy, walking around the building, hears the horn sound. She continues walking. She rounds a corner and finds an alley, dark, containing a pickup truck and a car. Buffy walks into the alley, looking from her piece of paper to the house and back. Something drops from the roof of the Nerds' house and lands behind Buffy. She turns to look at it. BUFFY: Oh. Hi. It's an ugly demon with waxy skin and weird marble-like eyes. It growls and advances. BUFFY: You didn't by chance happen to just eat a couple of nerds, did you? The demon takes a swing at her and she leans back to avoid it. It swings again and then tries a roundhouse kick, which Buffy ducks underneath. She blocks a punch and punches it in the stomach, then kicks it back. The demon hits her and she goes down. It grabs her and throws her against the car. She lands on the hood, sits up and kicks the demon with both feet. As it reels back, she stands up on the hood. The demon goes to punch her and she leaps up onto the car's roof. The demon punches the hood where she just was. It tries to h*t her legs but she jumps up, crouches on the hood and kicks the demon again. She does a flip off the car onto the ground while kicking the demon again, and it goes down. Buffy picks up a metal garbage can and slams it down onto the demon. It gets up as she raises the can for another blow. The demon shoves the garbage can out of Buffy's hands, then hits her in the face. She spins around and ends up with her face pressed against the car window. The demon grabs her from behind, she spins around again and hits it. It reels backward. They trade kicks and the demon's head goes through the car window, breaking it. Close sh*t on the demon's hand pressed against the car door. A long thin bony spike suddenly sh**t out of its knuckle. The demon struggles with its head and shoulders still inside the car. Buffy grabs it and it elbows her off, turns around, grabs her and holds her tightly against its body. The demon raises its hand with the spike still sticking out of it. Buffy sees the spike for the first time and looks alarmed. The demon s*ab the spike into her shoulder. Buffy screams. Flash-cut to a room with plain white walls. Buffy is in the corner between two walls, wearing a plain gray shirt, screaming and struggling as two men try to hold her down. One man is injecting something into her arm in exactly the spot where the demon skewered her. MAN 1: You're gonna hurt yourself! MAN 2: She's gonna break the needle. (removes needle from Buffy's arm) We're gonna have to strap her down. Buffy continues struggling and gasping. Cut to a wider sh*t. We see a bed in the middle of the room, with leather restraints strapped to it. There are two narrow windows next to where the two men are struggling with Buffy. The men both wear plain white outfits. Slowly Buffy stops struggling and goes limp, still panting. The two men hold her upright against the wall. Cut to the hallway. We see a door with a small square window, through which we can see into the room where Buffy is. A young man in a gray outfit similar to Buffy's walks by, accompanied by a man in a doctor's jacket. Pan to wider sh*t and we can clearly see the hallway of this hospital, populated with other patients and doctors and nurses. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Dean Butler, Michael Warren, Kirsten Nelson, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce. Written by Diego Gutierrez, directed by Rick Rosenthal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on Buffy in the alley, leaning against the car, apparently unconscious. She comes to with a start, looks around, makes an expression of pain and rubs her arm. She straightens up and looks around, frowning. No sign of the demon. Buffy pushes away from the car and begins to walk off, still holding her arm. Cut to: UC Sunnydale campus, day. Various students walking around, etc. WILLOW: (OS) Hi, um, Tara, how are you? Pan across a building and we see Willow in a hallway, looking out a window, talking to herself. WILLOW: W-well, I-I was wondering, maybe, you would wanna go out sometime? For coffee ... food ... kisses and gay love? (sighs) Hi Tara. Guess what? Magic-free now for, insert number, days now. Among the other students walking around we see Tara approaching, walking down the hallway on the other side of the wall from Willow. Willow sees her, looks nervous, moves to intercept. Willow comes around the wall with a big nervous smile on her face. Long sh*t of Tara walking up to another girl. They smile at each other and the other girl kisses Tara either on the cheek or lips -- hard to tell. Willow looks shocked. sh*t of Tara and the other girl laughing and talking. Willow quickly turns and starts walking away. Tara bids the other girl good-bye and continues walking. She spots Willow's back among the crowd, pauses, frowns slightly. Cut to: close sh*t on a pile of french fries sitting in a hopper a heat lamp. More fries in the boiler cooking. Pan up to reveal Buffy in Double Meat Palace uniform. The fryer beeps and she removes the basket of cooking fries from the hot oil, sets it to drain. She grimaces as if in pain, turns to walk away. LORRAINE: (OS) Buffy. We see Lorraine (Buffy's boss) standing a few feet away, next to a countertop. LORRAINE: Buffy. Buffy turns toward her. Flash-cut to the asylum. Buffy is again wearing her gray outfit and is turning. We see a woman in a doctor's coat, standing exactly as far away as Lorraine was, next to a counter. FEMALE DOCTOR: Come on, it's time for your drugs. Buffy begins to breathe faster, fearful. Flash back to the Double Meat Palace. BUFFY: (confused) What? LORRAINE: I said, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were on drugs. BUFFY: (confused) Okay. Good. Lorraine rolls her eyes and turns away. Buffy turns and walks back to the french fries. She lifts the basket out of the fryer and dumps its contents into the hopper under the heat lamp. We see that the new batch of fries is burnt black. Cut to the Summers house. Buffy, wearing a turtleneck sweater, comes down the stairs and goes into the dining room. BUFFY: Whatcha doin'? We see Willow sitting at the table typing on her laptop computer. WILLOW: I'm online, checking to see if Xander emailed. BUFFY: (sits) Any luck? WILLOW: No such. BUFFY: (hopeful) Well, maybe Anya found him and they're trying to work it out. (Willow shrugs) How come you're all, home, hearth, and DSL anyway? I thought you were gonna go see Tara. WILLOW: (unhappy) Saw her. Saw her completely. BUFFY: Ouch. Just got a scratch from all that brittle. WILLOW: It's... (closing laptop) ...when I was seeing her, she was seeing someone else. A girl. BUFFY: You mean- WILLOW: I mean ... not "seeing" seeing. Well, maybe. I don't know, it was inconclusive, and I didn't stick around to find out. Might have magicked my fist through a wall or something, BUFFY: (softly) Will, I'm sorry. WILLOW: I mean, they're probably just friends. (pouty) I press my lips against my friends' all the time. BUFFY: I'm sure they're just friends. Once you fall for Willow, you stay fallen. WILLOW: Thanks, Buffy. The doorbell rings. They both look up. Cut to the front door. It opens and Xander comes in, looking toward the dining room. XANDER: Hi. WILLOW: Xander? XANDER: I'm back. BUFFY: Xander? WILLOW: Xander, you're here! The girls come into the foyer and they all share a group hug. WILLOW: We missed you, where were you? XANDER: I know, I tried calling, but I couldn't without... BUFFY: Hey. You don't need to explain to us. They all walk back into the dining room. Buffy and Willow resume their previous seats while Xander remains standing. XANDER: Right. Is she here? WILLOW: Oh ... n-no, you ... wanna find her? XANDER: I need to. Her suitcase is gone and some of her stuff. There's a Closed sign on the Magic Box, which, like, chills me to the bone. WILLOW: She left a couple days ago. XANDER: Was she looking for me? (Willow fidgeting) Before she left, did she say anything? WILLOW: You mean, between sobs? (Xander looking guilty) There was mostly just wheezing. BUFFY: She was a little ... she was ... kinda broken. XANDER: I don't know how stuff got so mixed up! (sighs) I blew it. BUFFY: No. Well ... maybe it wasn't the best time to break up with her, but... XANDER: No. It wasn't about breaking up. I love her, and god, I miss her so much. WILLOW: So, you left her at the altar, but you still wanna- BUFFY: You still wanna date? XANDER: I guess. I know that I'm a better person with her in my life. But things got so complicated with the wedding, and with my family, and with her ... demons, and ... what if it all goes to hell, a-and forever? (the girls looking sympathetic) But then I left ... and ever since ... I've had this painful hole inside. (Buffy looking pensive) And I'm the idiot that dug it out. Xander takes a deep breath, shakes his head sadly. XANDER: I screwed up real bad. BUFFY: Hey. We all screw up. Xander doesn't look comforted. Cut to the graveyard. Spike walks along carrying a paper grocery bag. As he walks, he takes out a cigarette and puts it in his mouth. SPIKE: You lookin' for me? We see Buffy walking away from him. BUFFY: Really not. The camera stays on Buffy as, in the background, Spike puts down his bag and takes out his lighter. SPIKE: Oh. Right then. Off you go. (lighting up) Did you cry? BUFFY: (stops walking) What? SPIKE: The wedding. Two hearts joined for eternity, great pelting showers of rice and so forth. BUFFY: You didn't hear. She turns and walks back toward him. SPIKE: What? Families get out of hand? Tear the place apart? BUFFY: No. Well, yes, absolutely. But ... Xander left. The wedding didn't happen. SPIKE: (surprised) Well. Gotta say ... I didn't see that coming. (sits on a bench) BUFFY: It was awful. (sits nearby) Anya was devastated. SPIKE: Is that right. BUFFY: And, Xander ... thinks maybe they can still get back together, but ... he hurt her a lot. SPIKE: Yeah, well ... some people can't see a good thing when they've got it. He gives Buffy a meaningful looks. Buffy glares at him. He returns to his cigarette. XANDER: (OS) Spike. Willow and Xander walk up, holding stakes. XANDER: I shoulda known you'd be tagging along. BUFFY: (stands) Hey, guys. I, uh ... I found Spike and was, uh, trying to figure out what kind of dangerous contraband he had. SPIKE: (looks disgusted, gets up) Tell you what, Slayer. (drops his cigarette and grinds it out with one foot) Let me get out of your way. (picks up grocery bag) I'll stop bothering you. XANDER: Yeah, maybe you should do that, Spike, just run along. SPIKE: You know, I guess you know all about that, don't you? (going over to Xander) The king of the big exit. (Xander lookng upset) Heard it brought the house down. XANDER: I don't need this crap from you. SPIKE: Right. Let's not listen to Spike. (turns to look at Buffy) Might get a bit of the truth on you. Spike gets in Xander's face. Willow quickly moves to separate them. WILLOW: Okay, okay. Heh. Calm now. (Spike and Xander glaring at each other) Let's, uh, turn around and release this very manly thing the other way. XANDER: I forgot. Willy Wannabite can't hurt me. (to Spike) Dumb to pick a fight, I guess. WILLOW: Xander. sh*t of Buffy suddenly looking dizzy, falling to her knees. The others don't notice. BUFFY: (weakly) Guys... SPIKE: More than happy to b*at you right through the pain, you pathetic poof. Spike tosses his bag of groceries aside. Xander punches Spike in the face. Spike goes down hard. Buffy sits back down on the stone bench, her head bent down to her chest. BUFFY: Guys, don't. Flash-cut to the asylum. Buffy has her head down and hands pressed to her temples. MAN: Buffy, can you hear me? Buffy looks up. A man in a doctor's coat sits down in front of her. She stares at him. We see that she is again pressed into the corner where two walls meet, sitting on the floor with her knees drawn up against her chest. Her hair is flat and limp and she wears bland gray hospital clothing. BUFFY: (panting) What is this? DOCTOR: Do you know where you are, Buffy? BUFFY: (confused) Sunnydale. DOCTOR: No, none of that's real, none of it. You're in a mental institution. (Buffy frowning at the floor, shaking her head) You've been with us now for six years. Do you remember? Buffy frowns in extreme confusion, lifts her head again to look at the doctor. Cut to longer sh*t of the room. The bed with the restraints is still there. Buffy is sitting in the corner and the doctor sits on a chair next to her. Close sh*t on Buffy's distressed face. Cut back to the cemetery. Spike goes tumbling over backward, over his bag of groceries, from Xander's punch. Willow and Xander rush over to Buffy. WILLOW: Buffy? Are you okay? XANDER: What happened? Buffy slowly lifts her head. Flash back to the asylum. The doctor reaches his hand out toward Buffy. She flinches back, trying to push herself even farther into the corner. She turns away and hits her forehead against the wall a few times. DOCTOR: It's okay, Buffy. Buffy, it's okay. Slowly, she turns her head to peer at him through her hair. DOCTOR: Look. Look who's here. The doctor looks behind him. Pan over to reveal Joyce standing by the door with Hank behind her. JOYCE: Buffy? Buffy stares. Joyce comes forward and crouches down to bring herself to Buffy's level. Hank stands behind her leaning down with hands on his knees. JOYCE: Welcome home, sweetie. Buffy stares at her mom in shock. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. BUFFY: (softly) Mom? JOYCE: (tearful) Oh, baby, you're really here. BUFFY: (whispers) Dad? DOCTOR: She's lucid. Keep talking, maybe the sound of your voice will ground her. Close on Buffy's anguished face. HANK: Sweetheart ... we've missed you very much. Honey, can you hear me? Buffy starts to cry, puts her hands to her head again. JOYCE: Oh, Buffy, stay with us, please. Flash back to the cemetery. Buffy has her hands to her head as Willow and Xander come over and take her arms. BUFFY: Oh ... no! She slowly lifts her head, looks around. SPIKE: Here, let's get her back to my crypt. XANDER: Spike, just go, okay? (Buffy looking confused) She's our friend, we'll take care of her. Xander and Willow help Buffy stand up. BUFFY: No, guys, I'm okay. I'm okay. WILLOW: Come on, Xander, help me get her home. They lead her off. Spike watches them go. SPIKE: (calls) Put a little ice on the back of her neck. He turns away, picks up his bag of groceries. SPIKE: (to himself) She likes that. He walks off shaking his head. Cut to the Summers house. Willow walks from the kitchen, holding a glass of water. BUFFY: (OS) I've been having these flashes. Hallucinations, I guess. Willow comes into the living room where Buffy is sitting in the armchair. Willow gives Buffy the water. WILLOW: Since when? BUFFY: Uh ... night before last. Willow sits on the sofa, where Xander and Dawn are already sitting looking at Buffy. BUFFY: I was, uh, checking houses on that list you gave me, and looking for Warren and his pals ... and then, bam! Some kind of gross, waxy demon-thing poked me. XANDER: And when you say poke... BUFFY: (rolling her eyes) In the arm. (Xander and Willow exchanging a look) It stung me or something, and ... then I was like ... no. It, it wasn't "like." I *was* in an institution. There were, um ... doctors and ... nurses and, and other patients. They, they told me that I was sick. I guess crazy. And that, um, Sunnydale and, and all of this, it ... none of it ... was real. XANDER: Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What? You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy? (pauses, frowns) BUFFY: I know how this must sound, but ... it felt so real. (softly) Mom was there. DAWN: She was? BUFFY: Dad, too. They were together ... (distantly) like they used to be ... before Sunnydale. WILLOW: (stands up hastily, raises her hand) Okay! All in favor of research? (Xander raises his hand) Motion passed. All right, Xander, you h*t the demon bars. Dig up any info on a new player in town. Close on Buffy squinching up her face as if in pain. WILLOW: (OS) Dawnie, you can help me research. We'll hop on-line, check all the- Flash back to the asylum. CrazyBuffy is sitting in the chair with her face squinched up in the same way. DOCTOR: (OS) -possibilities for a full recovery, (sh*t of the doctor sitting behind a desk) but we have to proceed cautiously. If we're not careful-- JOYCE: Wait. Reveal Joyce and Hank sitting in chairs across from the doctor. CrazyBuffy sits in another chair a little bit separated from them, with her knees drawn up again. JOYCE: Are you saying that Buffy could be like she was before any of this happened? DOCTOR: (gets up, comes around the desk) Mrs. Summers, you have to understand the severity of what's happened to your daughter. (sits on the edge of his desk) For the last six years, she's been in an undifferentiated type of schizophrenia. HANK: We know what her condition is. (Buffy frowning) That's not what we're asking. DOCTOR: Buffy's delusions are multi-layered. (Joyce and Hank listening intently) She believes she's some type of hero. JOYCE: The Slayer. DOCTOR: The Slayer, right, but that's only one level. She's also created an intricate latticework to support her primary delusion. In her mind, she's the central figure in a fantastic world beyond imagination. (Buffy staring into the distance, frowning) She's surrounded herself with friends, most with their own superpowers ... who are as real to her as you or me. More so, unfortunately. Together they face ... grand overblown conflicts against an assortment of monsters both imaginary and rooted in actual myth. Every time we think we're getting through to her, more fanciful enemies magically appear- BUFFY: (suddenly realizing) How did I miss- DOCTOR: and she's- BUFFY: Warren and Jonathan, they did this to me! Buffy becomes agitated, tries to get up out of her chair. The doctor reaches over to stop her. DOCTOR: Buffy, it's all right. They can't hurt you here. You're with your family. Buffy looks around, upset. BUFFY: (tearful) Dawn? HANK: (to doctor) That's the sister, right? DOCTOR: A magical key. Buffy inserted Dawn into her delusion, actually rewriting the entire history of it to accommodate a need for a familial bond. (to Buffy) Buffy, but that created inconsistencies, didn't it? (Buffy staring at him) Your sister, your friends, all of those people you created in Sunnydale, they aren't as comforting as they once were. Are they? They're coming apart. Buffy whimpers, lowers her head again. JOYCE: Buffy, listen to what the doctor's saying, it's important. DOCTOR: Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against, and now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. (Buffy staring at him) No gods or monsters ... just three pathetic little men ... who like playing with toys. Buffy frowns anxiously. Cut to the Nerd Herd's new lair. Warren comes down the stairs from above, holding a cardboard box, Andrew behind him also carrying boxes. WARREN: Dude, that poison has got her drooling like a, some kind of- JONATHAN: (upset) Where have you guys been? Warren pauses partway down the stairs, glances up at Andrew. WARREN: Uh ... picking up some stuff. (continues down the stairs) ANDREW: (follows Warren) And checking out Buffy on the van's remote surveillance. Warren and Andrew put down their boxes. Warren sits in a chair. WARREN: Andrew's demon pet has done some number on the slayer. Got her tripping like a Ken Russell film festival. They both start doing stuff with the equipment. JONATHAN: Well, what kind of stuff? WARREN: What? JONATHAN: The packages. What's in them? WARREN: Well, what do you think, Spanky, you think we're plotting against you? JONATHAN: Better not be. (Andrew rolling his eyes) WARREN: It's just stuff, big man. All right, you'll be in the know just as soon as you stop being all freakazoid. Warren turns to the computers, hits some keys. Blueprints appear on the screen. WARREN: Ah, now, there's the vault. ANDREW: I still say we're gonna need eight other guys to pull this off. WARREN: I never should have let you see that movie. Jonathan looks angry, turns and heads for the stairs. WARREN: Wha, uh, where you going? (jumps up to follow Jonathan) JONATHAN: Out. Getting stuff I need. WARREN: You know, I don't really think that's such a good idea. JONATHAN: Why not? WARREN: (pauses) Well, it's... (puts arm around Jonathan's shoulders, sighs) It's just not safe out there ... alone. (leading Jonathan away from the stairs) You saw how close the slayer got. (Jonathan looking unconvinced) Look, we're, we're a team. Something happens to you, it happens to all of us. Right? (Andrew watching anxiously) Look, I know, I know you're antsy, we all are, but you see, things, they're about to pick up. Big, big time. Just gotta be careful. Right? All right? Stick together. Okay? Warren slaps Jonathan on the shoulder in friendly fashion and returns to his seat. Andrew looks relieved. Jonathan does not look reassured. Cut to the Summers house. Buffy sits on the sofa, staring at a photo of Joyce, Hank, and Young Buffy (from episode "The Weight of the World"). They are all smiling and happy together. Willow enters holding a piece of paper. WILLOW: (smiling) Look, Buffy, I found the demon. Fits your description and symptoms perfectly. Willow sits next to Buffy and holds out the paper. Buffy puts down the photo, still looking pensive. WILLOW: Look, is this it? Close sh*t on the paper with a picture of the demon. Buffy looks at it, nods without saying anything. WILLOW: (smiling) See, it's gonna be okay. Its pokey stinger carries an antidote to its own poison. Willow stops smiling as she sees that Buffy isn't cheered. Buffy resumes looking at the photo. BUFFY: (very quietly) I feel so lost. WILLOW: I know. You're confused. It's, it's that crazy juice inside you. BUFFY: It's more than that. (Willow frowning) Even before the demon ... I've been so detached. WILLOW: We've ... all been kind of slumming. BUFFY: Every day I try to ... snap out of it. Figure out why I'm like that. WILLOW: Buffy, look at me. Buffy looks at Willow, her lips quivering like she's about to cry. WILLOW: You are not in an institution. You have never been in an institution. BUFFY: (whispers) Yes, I have. WILLOW: What? BUFFY: (sighs) Back when I saw my first vampires... (sh*t of the photo) I got so scared. I told my parents ... and they completely freaked out. They thought there was something seriously wrong with me. So they sent me to a clinic. WILLOW: (shocked) You never said anything. BUFFY: (tearful) I was only there a couple of weeks. I stopped talking about it, and they let me go. Eventually ... my parents just ... forgot. WILLOW: God. That's horrible. BUFFY: (crying) What if I'm still there? What if I never left that clinic? WILLOW: Buffy ... Buffy, you're not. (Buffy sniffling) I'm ... so sorry you had to go through that. But, i-it's the past. You've got to trust me. We're gonna get you that antidote. Xander's hunting the demon right now. BUFFY: Alone? Will, he can't. It's too strong. WILLOW: Oh, it's okay. We got help. Cut to Xander and Spike walking through the forest together. Xander holds a flashlight. SPIKE: So, she's having the wiggins, is she? Thinks none of us are real. Bloody self-centered, if you ask me. XANDER: Spike, we need muscle, not color commentary. SPIKE: On the other hand, it might explain some things -- this all being in that twisted brain of hers. Yeah. Thinks up some chip in my head. Make me soft, fall in love with her, then turn me into her soddin' sex sl*ve- XANDER: What?! SPIKE: Nothing. Alternative realities. Where we're all little figments of Buffy's funny-farm delusion. You know, in a different reality, you might not have left your bride at the altar. You might have gone through with it like a man. XANDER: (annoyed) Okay, one more syllable about Anya- The demon leaps out at them, growling. Xander yelps. We see that Xander is also holding a r*fle. SPIKE: Oh, balls. You didn't say he was a glarghk guhl kashma'nik(?) XANDER: 'Cause I can't say glar- The demon att*cks. It knocks Xander to the ground and kicks at Spike, who ducks. Spike punches the demon a few times and then kicks it back. Xander gets up, holding the r*fle. He fires a dart, which sticks in the demon's chest. The demon blocks a punch from Spike, hits him and kicks him. Spike spins around and falls down. Xander hits at the demon, goes to h*t it with the r*fle but it blocks. We hear a metallic clanking noise as the r*fle hits the demon's hand which is wearing some sort of gauntlet. The demon shoves Xander onto the ground again. Spike exchanges a few more punches with the demon as Xander picks up the r*fle again. Xander sh**t another dart which sticks in the demon's chest next to the first one. The demon ducks a kick from Spike and spins around. Spike grabs the demon from behind and twists its neck, rendering it unconscious. Xander gets up and walks over. He and Spike stand there panting, staring down at the demon. XANDER: I altered his reality. (pause) Get it, I... (sees Spike scowling) Never mind. Cut to: Buffy sitting on her bed, staring blankly into space. DAWN: (OS) I made you some tea. Dawn enters holding a mug. Buffy doesn't look at her. BUFFY: (whispers) Thanks. Dawn comes over, puts the mug on a side table, sits on the bed beside Buffy. BUFFY: (still staring vacantly) I'm okay, Dawn. DAWN: The, uh, thousand-yard stare really helps sell that. Dawn look sympathetic, leans over and puts her hand on Buffy's forehead, then on her cheek. DAWN: You're burning up. BUFFY: (frowns) I should be taller than you. DAWN: (small smile) Maybe you're not done growing. BUFFY: Coming apart. DAWN: What's coming apart? BUFFY: (frowning, shaking her head) We have to try harder, make things better. DAWN: I'm trying. BUFFY: Your grades ... stealing. (Dawn looking guilty) Willow's been doing your chores, hasn't she? DAWN: What? No, i-it's ... it's the fever. It's cooking your brain. Suddenly Buffy leans forward and grabs Dawn's arm hard. Dawn looks alarmed. BUFFY: We have to deal with these things, Dawn, we- JOYCE VOICEOVER: You don't have a sister, Buffy. Buffy frowns in confusion. Flash-cut to the institution. Joyce sits facing Buffy, gazing at her. CrazyBuffy is still in her hospital gown. BUFFY: (uncertainly) Dawn? JOYCE: No, honey. Cut to a wider sh*t and we see Buffy sitting on the bed and Joyce sitting on it next to her, in the same positions as Buffy and Dawn were in the bedroom. Hank sits in a chair on the other side of the bed, watching. JOYCE: Say it. It'll help you believe it. BUFFY: (uncertainly) I ... don't ... have a sister. (Joyce nodding approvingly) I know I, I didn't grow up with her. These monks, they-they made her. Joyce looks uncertain, turns to look at Hank. HANK: It's your mind, just playing tricks on you. JOYCE: You're our little girl, Buffy. Our one and only. We've missed you so much. Mom and Dad just want to take you home and take care of you. Joyce puts out her hand and caresses Buffy's cheek. Buffy looks anguished, reaches out with her own hand. Flash back to the bedroom. Dawn stares in dismay as Buffy puts out her hand and touches Dawn's cheek. Buffy is startled, pulls back her hand quickly, frowning. She squeezes her eyes shut. DAWN: (tearful) I'm not even there, am I? BUFFY: What? DAWN: You said it a second ago. You don't have a sister. Dawn stands up. Buffy looks upset. DAWN: It's your ideal reality, and I'm not even a part of it. BUFFY: Dawn, I ... I didn't mean- DAWN: I have to go finish my chores. Dawn exits, leaving Buffy looking very upset. Cut to the basement. Spike and Xander struggling with the demon. It is conscious again, growling and fighting as they drag it toward a pillar in the middle of the basement. The demon is wrapped in chains. In background we see Willow. XANDER: Hold it. Hold it! Close sh*t on Willow putting on a pair of thick yellow rubber gloves. WILLOW: I'll need its arm. The demon breaks away from Spike and falls to the floor, on top of Xander. Looks like Spike maybe pushed the demon onto Xander, but hard to tell for sure. XANDER: Yeah, I'd like both my arms too. Spike hauls the demon back up and shoves it against the pillar. XANDER: (getting up) Thanks, Spike. I'll help when the ... blistering pain subsides. Close on Xander's legs as a foot kicks Xander in the shin. Can't tell whether it was the demon or Spike. Xander yells in pain and goes down again, immediately gets back up again. WILLOW: Ready? Willow comes forward holding a glass jar and a tool of some sort. Xander and Spike hold the struggling demon back against the pillar. Willow s*ab the demon in the arm with a two-pronged fork, causing its spine to come out from its hand. She grabs the spine and breaks it off. WILLOW: (putting the spine in her jar) Xander, go to the magic shop. Xander and Willow walk off. WILLOW: I'll need alkanet root and a handful of nettle leaf. Just for the medicinal properties. No magic. sh*t of Spike working on chaining the demon to the pillar. Willow and Xander start up the stairs. WILLOW: When you've got them, meet me at the campus lab. I'll see if I can brew up an antidote the old-fashioned way. SPIKE: I'll hold here, keep an eye on the wax job. XANDER: Make sure that's all you're ogling. WILLOW: Xander! Willow pulls Xander away up the stairs. Cut to exterior sh*t of the house, day. WILLOW: (OS) Buffy? Wake up. Cut to the bedroom. Willow walks in holding a mug. She wears the same clothes as in the previous scene. WILLOW: Got yummy antidote goodness for you. We see that Buffy is also still wearing the same clothing as the night before. BUFFY: What happened? WILLOW: (gives her the mug) It took a little longer than I'd hoped. No magic and all. Went boom twice, but then I got it. Just ... when it's cool, drink it all down, and ... everything should go back to normal. BUFFY: You never stop coming through. Thank you, Willow. Willow smiles. Spike appears in the doorway, looking uncertain. SPIKE: How is she? WILLOW: (goes to the door) Make sure she drinks all that. I'm gonna let Dawn know that everything's gonna be okay. Willow smiles at Buffy and leaves. Spike continues standing in the doorway. SPIKE: (quietly) You all right? BUFFY: (grimaces, not looking at him) You need to leave me alone. You're not part of my life. SPIKE: (annoyed) Fine, then. Spike turns to leave, then turns back, even more annoyed. SPIKE: You know, but I hope you don't think this an- He starts to come forward into the room, gesturing angrily, but walks into a beam of sunlight and stops, moves back with a frustrated expression. SPIKE: (slightly calmer) I hope you don't think this antidote's gonna rid you of that nasty martyrdom. (Buffy still not looking at him) See, I figured it out, luv. You can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark like I thought. Buffy looks up at him now, still frowning. SPIKE: You're addicted to the misery. It's why you won't tell your pals about us. Might actually have to be happy if you did. They'd either understand and help you, god forbid ... or drive you out ... where you can finally be at peace, in the dark. With me. Either way, you'd be better off for it, but you're too twisted for that. (pauses) Let yourself live, already. And stop with the bloody hero trip for a sec. We'd all be the better for it. Buffy frowns even more, looks up at Spike again. SPIKE: You either tell your friends about us ... or I will. He turns and leaves. Buffy makes an anguished face, holds the mug up. Pauses. Brings the mug up to her lips, pauses again. Stares off in front of her, pondering. Slowly, she turns and holds out the mug. Tips it over and lets the contents pour out into the trash basket. Close sh*t on her face as she stares ahead. DOCTOR VOICEOVER: Buffy. Flash back to the asylum. BUFFY: (tearful) I don't wanna go back there. We see CrazyBuffy sitting on the bed, the doctor standing on one side of the bed while Joyce and Hank stand on the other side. BUFFY: I wanna be healthy again. (Joyce smiling hopefully. Buffy turns to the doctor) What do I have to do? Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. BUFFY: (anxious) Oh ... please, help me. (to Joyce) I-I wanna go home, with you and dad. JOYCE: I know, Buffy. But first you've gotta get better. DOCTOR: It's not gonna be easy, Buffy. You have to take it one step at a time. You have to start ridding your mind of those things that support your hallucinations. (Buffy looking up at him) You understand? There are things in that world that you cling to. For your delusion, they're safe-holds, but for your mind they're traps. We have to break those down. BUFFY: (softly) Slaying? DOCTOR: Yes ... but I'm talking about those things you want there. What keeps you going back. BUFFY: My friends. DOCTOR: That's right. Last summer, when you had a momentary awakening, it was them that pulled you back in. JOYCE: They're not really your friends, Buffy. They're just ... tricks keeping you from getting healthy. DOCTOR: You have to do whatever it takes to convince yourself of that, Buffy. Whatever it takes. Buffy stares off in front of her. Flash back to the house. Buffy enters the living room and bumps into Willow: WILLOW: (startled, nervous) Oh, Buffy, I, I didn't see you. I was just coming to check on you. You feeling better? Did the antidote work? BUFFY: I'm ... still pretty dazed, but, uh, better. WILLOW: No more cuckoo's nest? (Buffy shakes her head) Well, we still have the big bad all tranked out down in the basement. In case it didn't work and we need more parts. b*at. Buffy looks blank. Willow looks hopeful. WILLOW: It'll be nice to see you all better. BUFFY: (small smile) Thanks. WILLOW: I can make you some food, something big with energy, help you clear your noggin. Come on. Willow takes Buffy's hand and they walk toward the kitchen. Fade to the front door (sh*t from inside the foyer). A knock on the door. Xander opens it, pokes his head in. XANDER: (calls) Hello! I'm back! Clean and with the better smell now. (comes inside, closes the door) Friends? Romans? Long sh*t down the hall at Xander standing there, throwing up his hands. XANDER: Anyone? He starts walking down the hall toward the camera. He glances into the kitchen, pauses. XANDER: Hey. Reveal Buffy standing by the kitchen sink, holding a frying pan. Definite horror-movie vibe here. There's no background music. Buffy looks up at Xander as he walks in. XANDER: Hey, there, sane girl. (taking off his jacket) So did Willow get that antidote to you all right? BUFFY: (curtly) Yeah. I'm better now. XANDER: Great. So, it's settled. (puts down his jacket) We're, uh, we're real, right? Guess we should finish off that demon and drag it out of the basement. And tell me you're up for that. (shakes his head) I so don't wanna see Spike right now. (walking closer to Buffy) I mean, talk about losing touch. Hate to say it, but I almost... (frowns) feel sorry for the guy. Almost. The things the poor guy was saying ... I mean, I get it, you know. Been a part of the Buffy obsess- Suddenly Buffy hits him in the face with the frying pan. He reels back. Fast horror-movie music begins. Buffy drops the pan, grabs Xander and throws him against the kitchen island, her hands on his neck. XANDER: (strained) B-Buffy- She pulls him up again and hits him a couple of times. He goes down. Fast-cut to Buffy dragging the half-conscious Xander down the basement stairs. She throws him to the floor. Xander lifts his head a little and opens his eyes. The creepy music slows down. Reveal Willow on the floor not far from him, her hands tied behind her back and a piece of duct tape over her mouth. She stares at Xander in dismay. XANDER: (groggy) Willow, what... He falls unconscious. Willow stares past him. Pan across their two bodies lying on the floor to reveal Buffy standing over them, staring down at them. She turns her gaze toward the stairs. sh*t of the demon still chained to the post in the middle of the basement, struggling and growling. Buffy looks at the demon, back at her friends, then up the stairs. Slow creepy music continues. Cut to the kitchen. The faster scary music resumes. Buffy emerges from the basement, frowning slightly. She shuts the door and locks it. Slowly, she turns and walks down the hall. She pauses to grimace for a moment, continues. Reaches the bottom of the stairs, turns and looks up them. BUFFY: (calls) Dawn? She starts up the stairs. Cut to upstairs hallway. Buffy emerges from the stairs, pauses, takes a deep breath, walks forward and pushes open the door to Dawn's room. Walks in. We see Dawn with a canvas bag on the bed, putting stuff into it. She turns with a gasp to look at Buffy. Her cheeks are tear-stained. DAWN: Don't you knock? (resumes packing) BUFFY: I called for you. DAWN: (looks at her again) Buffy, are you okay? BUFFY: Where are you going? DAWN: (resumes packing) I'm going over to Janice's, where they actually like having me around. BUFFY: You're not going anywhere. DAWN: (scoffs) Why not? You want me gone anyway. What do you care? BUFFY: I care. You're going downstairs with the others. It's the only way I can get healthy. (walks toward Dawn) DAWN: (alarmed) What are you talking about? Buffy comes up to Dawn and stares at her. DAWN: (worried) Buffy, you look sick. (Buffy just staring at her) What are you doing? What's wrong with you? Suddenly Buffy tries to grab Dawn. Dawn breaks free and runs out. DAWN: Stay away from me! Dawn goes running down the hallway. DAWN: (screams) Willow, help! Dawn runs into Willow's room(?) and closes the door, leans against it. DAWN: Buffy, please! Buffy walks slowly down the hall toward the room. BUFFY: You can't hide, Dawn. DAWN: Talk to me. You're hallucinating. BUFFY: (leans against the door) I know. You're just a trap for my mind. DAWN: Buffy, please, listen to me. That asylum and those people, they're not real! Buffy frowns, moves back and kicks the door open. Takes a few steps inside, looks around. No sign of Dawn. Buffy goes back out and finds Dawn emerging from another door. Dawn gasps in surprise. Buffy stares at her. DAWN: Buffy ... look at me. (Buffy blinking slowly) I'm right here. You're my sister. (getting tearful) I need you and love you. Somewhere inside you must know that's real. BUFFY: (sarcastic) Sure it is. 'Cause what's more real? (starts walking toward Dawn) A sick girl in an institution... DAWN: Don't. Please. Listen to me. BUFFY: Or some kind of supergirl ... chosen to ... fight demons and... (Dawn looking around anxiously) save the world. (pauses, looks to one side, smiles a little) That's ridiculous. She does her little grimace thing again and looks at Dawn. Dawn quickly grabs the door and slams it in Buffy's face. Buffy kicks it open again. Dawn screams and jumps back. BUFFY: (advancing into the room as Dawn backs away) A girl who sleeps with the vampire she hates?! Yeah, that makes sense. Dawn tries to run around the bed but Buffy rolls across it and winds up in front of Dawn. She grabs Dawn by the arms and shoves her up against a dresser, then onto the floor. Dawn struggles as Buffy straddles her and pins her down. DAWN: No! Buffy, stop! I'm real! Cut to the basement. DAWN: Buffy, stop it. I'll be good! Buffy throws Dawn to the floor. We see that Dawn's arms are tied behind her back. DAWN: I promise. You're not thinking. I'll- Buffy kneels down and puts a piece of duct tape over Dawn's mouth. Dawn squeals and whines behind the gag. Pan out to reveal Willow lying beside Dawn (both of them bound hand and foot, and gagged with duct tape). Xander is a few feet away, still unconscious, with his hands tied around a pillar but his feet and mouth free. Buffy looks at them, looks at the demon, grimaces. DOCTOR VOICEOVER: It's okay, Buffy. Don't stress yourself. Flash to the asylum. Joyce and the doctor are close in foreground (Buffy POV) with Hank hovering in the background. JOYCE: Honey, take your time. DOCTOR: Make it as easy on yourself as possible. There's nothing wrong with that. CrazyBuffy nods, looks determined. Cut back to the basement. Xander begins to come around. Buffy sees this, walks slowly toward him. XANDER: Buffy ... what are you doing? She walks past him and over to the demon, walks around behind it. Close sh*t on the chains as Buffy reaches over and undoes them. The demon shakes itself, making the chains fall to the floor. XANDER: Oh my god. The demon begins to advance, growling. Buffy stands watching. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. Buffy is panting, looks a little anxious as she watches. The demon is still advancing. Xander is trying to get to his feet, sliding his bound hands up the pillar. Sound of Willow and Dawn whimpering. XANDER: Buffy, help me! I need my hands! Xander kicks at the demon. Buffy looks anxious, backs up into the space underneath the stairs. Cut to the foyer. Horror-movie music continues. Tara enters through the front door. TARA: (calls) Hello? She comes inside, closes the door. TARA: (calls) Anybody home? Cut back to the basement. Buffy presses herself fearfully back into the alcove under the stairs as Xander continues fending off the demon with kicks. The demon grabs Xander's shoulder and pulls, hard enough to break the ropes binding him. It throws Xander across the room. He slams into a refrigerator and falls down. Close on Buffy watching with increasing anxiety. JOYCE VOICEOVER: Buffy? Cut to the institution, close sh*t on Joyce's face, blurry and unfocused. CrazyBuffy jumps off the bed, whimpering. Runs over to the corner and presses herself into it, twitching and whimpering. Joyce looks concerned, walks toward her. JOYCE: I-It's gonna be okay, sweetheart. Whatever it is, it's not real, remember? (moving forward slowly) Just keep concentrating. I'm right here, sweetie. CrazyBuffy slides slowly down the wall toward a sitting position. Cut back to the basement. Buffy is similarly sliding down the wall. XANDER: (OS) Buffy, help me! sh*t of Xander struggling to get up again. XANDER: Buffy, help! The demon hits him hard on the back. TARA: (OS) Willow? Buffy looks up in surprise. Tara comes partway down the stairs, peers down. sh*t of Willow trying to call to Tara through her gag. TARA: (pointing) Eximete! The bonds on Willow and Dawn dissolve in a flash of magic. They sit up. TARA: Vis zenobia! S-solvere! A large metal shelving unit covered with paint cans suddenly flies across the room and slams into the demon. Close on Tara's feet as she descends the stairs. Buffy reaches between the steps and grabs Tara's ankle, tripping her. Tara falls down the stairs. WILLOW: No! Tara! Buffy looks shocked. Willow rushes over to Tara. Buffy retreats back into her alcove. Cut to the asylum. CrazyBuffy is sitting pressed into the corner, agitated. BUFFY: I don't know... JOYCE: (kneeling next to her) Buffy, look at me. BUFFY: I don't know. I don't know. JOYCE: I believe in you. (Buffy looking at her, whimpering) You're a survivor, you can do this. CrazyBuffy looks conflicted. Cut back to the basement. Buffy grimaces again, looks up. Xander jumps up and att*cks the demon, which is attacking Dawn. Dawn screams. Xander jumps on the demon from behind. It grabs him and throws him down. BUFFY: Xander. No. She looks away, grimaces, looks back. The demon is again struggling with Dawn. It throws her across the room, still screaming, as Willow picks up a metal baseball bat. Willow starts hitting the demon with the bat, then it grabs the bat and shoves her down. Buffy looks anguished, starts to call Willow's name... BUFFY: Willow! Cut to the asylum in mid-word. CrazyBuffy is very agitated, banging her head against the wall. JOYCE: Buffy? Buffy! Buffy, fight it. You're too good to give in, you can b*at this thing. Be strong, baby, ok? (Buffy crying) I know you're afraid. I know the world feels like a hard place sometimes, but you've got people who love you. (tearful) Your dad and I, we have all the faith in the world in you. We'll always be with you. CrazyBuffy calms down as these words start to sink in. JOYCE: You've got ... a world of strength in your heart. I know you do. You just have to find it again. (whispering) Believe in yourself. Joyce strokes her hair. CrazyBuffy sniffles, looks determined. Slowly she turns her head to look Joyce in the eye. BUFFY: You're right. (sad smile) Thank you. Joyce smiles. BUFFY: (tearful) Good-bye. Joyce looks surprised, then horrified. CrazyBuffy looks away. JOYCE: (anguished) Buffy. Cut back to the basement. Sounds of screaming and punching continue as Buffy slowly stands up, wearing her determined expression. She walks forward, kicks the demon in the chest, hits it, shoves it against the wall. Punches it, throws it into the washer/dryer, walks over to it and punches it so hard her hand goes into its chest. The demon falls down, d*ad. Buffy stands there with her hand covered in its slimy gray blood. Zoom in on her determined face. Slowly, she turns around. We see Dawn huddled by the refrigerator, Xander picking himself up, Willow and Tara helping each other up. They all stare at Buffy. BUFFY: (whispers) I'm so sorry. WILLOW: Buffy? We're okay. It's all okay. (Buffy stumbling(?)) Buffy, sit down. You'll fall over. BUFFY: No ... I can't. Not until I have the antidote. WILLOW: Okay. We-we'll make more, we'll take care of it. Close on Buffy's face. WILLOW: (OS) Everything's gonna be okay, Buffy. Flash to the institution. The doctor shining a flashlight at the camera (Buffy POV). He clicks the flashlight off, then on again. We see CrazyBuffy sitting there catatonic, unresponsive as the doctor shines the light in her eyes. The doctor makes an upset face, turns to speak over his shoulder. DOCTOR: I'm sorry, there's no reaction at all. Close on CrazyBuffy leaning in the corner of the room. DOCTOR: (OS) I'm afraid we lost her. Camera pulls out slowly to reveal the doctor sitting on a chair, and behind him, Buffy's parents. Joyce is sobbing. Hank puts his arm around her and she hugs him. Continue pulling out to reveal the shackled bed. Camera moves back through the closed door with its tiny window. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x17 - Normal Again"}

foreverdreaming

Transcribed by Joan the English Chick. Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously... Buffy and Spike in the crypt. BUFFY: I'm using you. SPIKE: Oh, this is worse then, is it? This is you telling me... BUFFY: It's over. The Geek Trio in their lair. JONATHAN: Where've you guys been? ANDREW: Checking out Buffy on the van's remote surveillance. Buffy and Willow in the Summers house. BUFFY: I thought you were gonna go see Tara. Tara and another girl kissing each other in the school hallway. WILLOW VOICEOVER: She's ... seeing someone else. They're probably just friends. Anya at the wedding that wasn't. ANYA: Xander's gone? Xander's missing? Xander at the house. XANDER: Is she here? WILLOW: She left a couple days ago. BUFFY: She was ... kinda broken. XANDER: I love her, and, god, I miss her so much. Dawn, Buffy, and Anya in Dawn's room. DAWN: No! Anya opening a box. Dawn's stolen jewelry falling out. ANYA: How could you do this? Buffy beating up Xander in the kitchen in "Normal Again." Buffy holding Dawn down. DAWN: Buffy, stop! No! Dawn, Willow, and Xander tied up in the basement in "Normal Again." BUFFY: I'm so sorry. XANDER: We're okay, it's all okay. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episode opens on two pairs of feet running through the graveyard, night. Sound of motors running. Cut out and we see it's two vampires running, looking nervously behind them. Cut out farther and we see three all-terrain vehicles chasing the vampires. Cut closer to reveal the Geek Trio on the ATVs, holding long stakes like jousting spears. Warren gives a yell or laugh of excitement as the chase continues. WARREN: Ha ha! ANDREW: They're getting to the gate! WARREN: I see it, I see it! The vampires continue fleeing. Now we see one of them has something in his hand: a flat round metallic disk three or four inches in diameter. The Geeks continue pursuing. One vampire grabs a branch from a passing tree. The branch breaks off and he throws it at the ATVs. The branch hits Andrew in the face and he loses control of his vehicle. He falls off as Jonathan roars up behind him. Jonathan and Warren swerve to avoid hitting Andrew. Jonathan side-swipes a gravestone, shattering it. He ends up riding head-on toward Warren. They both stop just in time but go tumbling off their vehicles and onto the ground. Andrew comes limping over. ANDREW: We're gonna lose 'em. We see the vampires still running. They have almost reached the wide gate that marks the exit to the cemetery. Jonathan and Warren get to their feet. JONATHAN: We need that disk. The vampires run through the gate and onto the street, only to be att*cked by Buffy. She hits the first vamp and grabs the second, but he twists out of her grip. The disk goes clattering across the pavement. The second vamp kicks at Buffy but she blocks, hits him and throws him against the gate. He falls to the ground and Buffy turns to the other vamp. The Nerd Herd stands watching. WARREN: Wait. The fight continues, moves around the gate and out of the Geeks' view. Warren moves forward. The second vamp gets to his feet and prepares to rejoin the fight. But suddenly he rises up off the ground. Reveal Spike sitting atop the stone pillar of the gate, holding the vampire by the back of his shirt, calmly watching Buffy. The vamp struggles ineffectively. The Geeks walk closer, carefully. Buffy gets the first vamp in a strangle-hold, tries to stake him but he holds her arm off. Spike continues watching and holding the second vamp in the air. The first vamp gets loose from Buffy's hold and hits her. Warren crawls across the ground toward the disk. He gets to it, grabs it. Andrew and Jonathan start to run off, as Warren follows. Buffy never saw them. The first vamp throws Buffy to the ground and reaches for her throat. SPIKE: How you doin'? BUFFY: (holding the vamp off) Oh, fine. You know, same old same old. SPIKE: Here, I could take care of this guy if you want. BUFFY: Whatever. Buffy kicks the first vamp off and flips to her feet. BUFFY: Your call. SPIKE: I mean, sure he don't look like much... VAMP 2: Hey! SPIKE: ...but I'd wager he could give you a bit o' nasty. (Buffy kicking Vamp 1) Save you the staking. (Buffy throwing Vamp 1 to the ground) All you gotta do is- BUFFY: I am not telling my friends about us. SPIKE: Right, I'll just be dropping him down to you then. BUFFY: (still struggling with Vamp 1) You wanna tell them so badly? Go ahead. She finally manages to get a hand free and stakes the first vamp. Buffy stands up and walks over to the gate, looks up at Spike and the still dangling Vamp 2. BUFFY: You know why? I tried to k*ll my friends, my sister, last week ... and guess how much they hate me. Zero. Zero much. (shrugs) So I'm thinking, sleeping with you? (Spike looking annoyed) They'll deal. She turns to go. Spike lets Vamp 2 go. He falls to the ground and rushes at Buffy from behind. SPIKE: In that case, why won't you sleep with me again? Vamp 2 pauses, looks back at Spike in confusion. VAMP 2: Huh? Buffy turns back, stakes the vamp and glares at Spike. Turns again and resumes walking. BUFFY: (quietly as she walks away) Because I don't love you. Spike looks down, pouts. SPIKE: (to himself) Like hell. Cut to Xander's apartment. It's dimly lit and very red. Sad music plays -- "Sao Paulo Rain" by Tom McRae. And midnight graffiti appears on your door Pan across to reveal Xander sitting on the floor holding a bottle of beer. He takes a sip, stares blankly. So we all can sleep safe in our homes Xander takes another sip of beer, continues staring blankly. And the storms in the distance hold no rain... Xander picks up a remote control and pushes a button. The music stops. He looks around in the silence. Gets up. He walks over to a chair, picks up a jacket and puts it on as he leaves the apartment. Cut to the front of the building. Xander exits, goes down the walkway toward the street. Pan over to some bushes. We see Anya standing behind them, watching him go. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Kali Rocha, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Drew Z. Greenberg, directed by James A. Contner. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exterior college campus, day. Students walking around, talking, etc. Cut to inside hallway. Willow stands beside a classroom door holding books. Students are walking out of the classroom. Tara exits the classroom, also holding books. She doesn't see Willow, begins walking. Willow rushes to intercept her, smiling. Willow grabs Tara's shoulder. TARA: Hey! WILLOW: Hey. Look at you. All coming out of class and everything. (they continue walking) TARA: (smiling) I do that sometimes. Usually at the end part of the class. WILLOW: Right. (nervous laugh) TARA: So how's your, you know, after the whole basement deal? (gesturing at her neck) WILLOW: (puts hand to her neck) It's between a hitch and a kink, with a side of a twinge. It's okay. (smiling) TARA: And Buffy's okay too? Enjoying the refreshing sanity and so forth? (stops walking) WILLOW: (loud fake laugh) Ha, yeah! Refreshing san - that's funny. (more seriously) She's okay. A little ... freaked. I'm glad she didn't hurt you. TARA: You too. Pause. They resume walking. TARA: So, this is becoming kind of a regular thing, you and me after class. WILLOW: (nervous) Uh, I didn't... TARA: Only this time you stuck around. WILLOW: Uh, um ... various sounds of hesitation... TARA: She was just a friend. WILLOW: (relieved, nervous laugh) Friends are nice! TARA: (smiles) You rushed off before I could, you know, explain. WILLOW: Well, officially, I have to say I have no idea what you're talking about. TARA: Unofficially? Tara stop walking, gives a teasing look. Willow smiles hugely, then calms down but still looks happy. WILLOW: We should have some coffee some time. (nervously) Uh, maybe some day ... this week after class? TARA: (small smile) I'm free tomorrow. WILLOW: Uh, you could, you could bring your friend. TARA: (surprised) I wasn't gonna - I-I mean, if you have a friend- WILLOW: No! (quickly) I'm, oh, I-I'm friendless. TARA: Yeah, yeah, no friends. (quickly) I-I mean, I have friends- WILLOW: Right, many dear friends, yeah. They both laugh and fidget nervously. TARA: (sighing, smiling) Coffee. WILLOW: With us. Who are ... just friends. (both nodding at each other) Cut to: exterior street mall, day. Lots of people walking around, shopping etc. BUFFY: (OS) Okay, how about this store? Long sh*t of Buffy and Dawn walking along. Buffy points at a store window. DAWN: Ah. Three pairs of earrings, a coin purse and a toothbrush. BUFFY: (dubious) You stole a toothbrush. DAWN: (defensive) A mother-of-pearl handle. Very fancy. BUFFY: Yeah, but you stole a toothbrush. As far as rebellious teenagers go, you're kinda square. DAWN: (smiling) Dental hygiene is important. BUFFY: Guess this was kind of a lame sisters' day out, huh? I make up for trying to k*ll you by taking you to places you can't go in. DAWN: No, it's my bad. I'm the one that got caught taking stuff. BUFFY: (noticing something offscreen, pointing) Hey, how about the pet store? You didn't take anything from there, did you? DAWN: A pocketful of goldfish. It didn't work out. b*at. They continue walking as Buffy stares at Dawn. DAWN: (laughing) No! BUFFY: (smiling) Okay, good. We can go, and we can look at all the puppies. DAWN: (grimacing) Ehh. It's so awful! There's puppy mills, and keeping them in cages, and, and people poking at them all day. BUFFY: Yeah, but puppies, cute! Come on, you used to love the pet store. DAWN: Yes, when I was in my fives and sixes. (sees Buffy looking disappointed) Uh, come on, we'll go look. (looking around) Besides, I don't think there's another store here where I can ... show my face. BUFFY: It'll pass. You've returned all the stuff that you still had, and we're paying for the rest. DAWN: I'm paying for the rest. BUFFY: We'll figure it out. They look at each other. Cut to: close-up of the disk from earlier. We see that it has symbols drawn in concentric rings on its surface. It sits on a table leaning against a small glass jar filled with yellow liquid. JONATHAN: (OS) Get back. Reveal Jonathan sitting by the table holding a glass mortar and pestle. The table also holds an array of test tubes, and the requisite arrangement of curly tubes and jars filled with liquids of various colors. Warren stands by Jonathan's shoulder. JONATHAN: You don't want to make me rush this. (mixing stuff in the mortar) WARREN: I'm not impressed, padawan. When do we h*t pay-dirt? JONATHAN: If something goes wrong, it's gonna surge... (Warren pacing to the other side) ...and we'll be deader than an ex-girlfriend. WARREN: (pauses, whirls to stare at Jonathan) What did you say? JONATHAN: (annoyed) Just let me work! WARREN: (playing it cool) All right. All right, you do what you need to do. You get us to the goods, and then watch out! (smiles) It'll gonna be like ... it'll be like the whole world just spread open and gave it up for you, man. Jonathan doesn't look thrilled by that. He looks up at Warren. JONATHAN: (quietly) And then we're done, right? We each take our share and we call it a day. WARREN: You that ready to get rid of us? Huh? In background Andrew appears, pretends to be doing something but really is listening in. WARREN: Don't worry. We pull this off, you can go buy any tropical island you want. (Jonathan still looking grim) Aw, cheer up, Short Round. You're about to get us everything we ever wanted. Jonathan still looks displeased but he nods and turns back to the chemistry set. Warren turns away, goes over to Andrew. WARREN: (quietly) He's almost done. (sh*t of Jonathan working) ANDREW: I sorta feel ... kinda sorry for him. WARREN: (glares at him) That's a weakness. ANDREW: (uncertain) Um ... okay. WARREN: Look at him. (sh*t of Jonathan working, frowning) ANDREW: He's got that same look on his face, the one he had that time I highlighted in his Babylon 5 novels. Andrew smiles at the memory, suddenly realizes something. ANDREW: Right before he told his mother on me! Warren! I don't think we can trust him. WARREN: We don't have to. Not for that much longer. ANDREW: Is it gonna be that soon? WARREN: The milk. In the fridge. How long 'til it expires? ANDREW: Well, we got it on Friday, and I remember noticing there wasn't a full two weeks on it, (Warren rolling his eyes) but we did get it in the fridge pretty quick, unless I'm thinking of the two-percent milk... WARREN: (annoyed) Forget it. It was a thing. (explaining) It's gonna be soon. ANDREW: (pretending to get it) Oh. Wow. They nod at each other. Cut to Xander's apartment, night. Xander enters from the hallway, closes the door behind him, turns around, sees something and stops. Reveal Anya sitting at the table. She stands up quickly. XANDER: Oh my god. He walks quickly toward her. She backs away, twisting her hands nervously. XANDER: How are you? ANYA: Ducky. You? XANDER: (holding out a hand toward her) Ahn. (sighs) Please. Let me, uh, explain. Anya watches him, still fidgeting with her hands and looking nervous. XANDER: I know there's nothing that I can say or do to make up for what I did. I can't. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, 'oh god, is this my life? Was that me?' ANYA: (softly) Me too. XANDER: But you gotta believe me, please. I want to make up for it. I want to take away the hurt. (small sigh) I love you so much. Anya looks touched, seems to be softening up a bit. XANDER: (embarrassed smile) I, I may have practiced that a couple times in front of the mirror. ANYA: I just ... don't understand what happened. XANDER: I do. I'm an idiot. All I had to do was say something earlier. (Anya looks surprised) I could have spared you from that ... that nightmare. Through this speech Anya begins to frown and look hurt again. She backs away a few steps and folds her arms. ANYA: Said something about what? XANDER: (makes "uh-oh" face) No, no! I mean, you know, if I were, like, more ... self-aware. Because, with the whole idiot thing. ANYA: (arms still folded, angrily) If you had been more self-aware, you would have what? (Xander looking alarmed) Been able to stop the wedding? XANDER: No no, it's not like that, that's not what... (pauses, frustrated sigh) Okay, see, I didn't practice this part. ANYA: (firmly) Do you still want to get married? Close on Xander's face. He hesitates, looks unsure. Anya looks upset. ANYA: (very quietly) Oh. XANDER: Ahn, it's a very complicated question. ANYA: (getting teary) No, actually, it's really not. It's kind of an either-or deal. Do you want to get married? XANDER: Someday, yes, very much. When we're ready. (Anya looking very hurt) I don't want you to take this as a bad thing. It's good. (Anya looking resigned, annoyed) I love you, I love you so much, I'm just trying to be honest with you. ANYA: (angry) Yes, honesty *now*. Congratulations, Xander, on being honest now. I wonder what the medal will say. XANDER: (confused) Okay, clearly I'm not handling this well. ANYA: (yelling) Well, duh! She turns away, walks a few steps away. Xander walks a few steps toward her. sh*t of both with Anya in foreground, her back to Xander, arms crossed and looking angry; Xander in background. XANDER: All I want is for us to be together. I love you, I ... I wish we could just go back to the way things were before. Anya's face slowly morphs into her demon face. ANYA: (demon voice) And I wish you were never born! Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exterior sh*t of Xander's apartment building, night. Cut to inside. Still the same scene. Anya stands with her back to Xander, her demon face on, arms folded. XANDER: I know this is all coming out wrong. Anya morphs back into human face, frowning in confusion. She turns around to look at Xander. ANYA: (angry) I wish you felt the pain of a thousand searing pokers boiling your heart in its own juices! XANDER: I know, honey. I totally deserve that. ANYA: (confused) I ... I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut! XANDER: (sadly) They are. ANYA: (hopeful) Really? (Xander nods) Right now? Does it hurt? XANDER: God, yes. It hurts so bad it's k*lling me. Anya ... I love you, I want to make this work. ANYA: (annoyed) Those are metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain! What's wrong with me? XANDER: No, honey, it's not you, it's me. That- ANYA: (frustrated) Ohh! She shoves past him and goes storming toward the door. XANDER: Ahn! Ahn! Wait. Please. Anya yanks the door open and exits. Xander goes to the door and stands in the doorway, looking down the hall at her. XANDER: Ahn! HALFREK VOICEOVER: So there was no child support in, like, eleven years... Cut to: a restaurant, day. Halfrek and Anya sit at a table. Halfrek holds a coffee cup. Anya is fiddling with a yellow flower, not really listening to Halfrek. HALFREK: ...not a single check, so now, every time he picks up a piece of paper that isn't a check for the child? Paper cut. Halfrek laughs cheerfully. Anya is oblivious. HALFREK: Oh, you know how I hate to toot my own horn ... but now his hands are just covered in all these tiny little bandages. (smiling) Like a quilt. (chuckles) You know, made of bandages. Halfrek looks over at Anya, finally notices that she isn't paying attention. Anya looks up. ANYA: Hmm? HALFREK: Okay, do they not teach listening skills in Human World? (puts down coffee cup) ANYA: I'm sorry. I know. (puts the flower back into its vase on the table) I'm just distracted. HALFREK: What, about this thing with Xander? Don't worry, you'll figure out a way to- ANYA: No, that's just it, I've tried everything. I tried every curse I knew, nothing's worked. HALFREK: Wait. Did you try to curse him yourself? ANYA: Yeah, I am the wronged party here, of course I- HALFREK: You can't exact justice against someone on behalf of yourself, silly! (laughs) How long have you been away? ANYA: I haven't been scorned by a man in, like, a thousand years. I never had to make a wish for myself. There has to be some way around that. HALFREK: Well ... (thinks) You could try getting someone to make the wish for you. I suppose. Anya stares at her, contemplating this. A very small smile appears on her face. Cut to: exterior Summers house, day. Cut to the kitchen. Dawn walks in and stares at the kitchen island. DAWN: Uh ... did we open a chain? Close sh*t on the island set with two place settings, bowls of fruit, four bottles of syrup. Reveal Buffy standing by the stove holding a spatula and frying pan. Several cereal boxes lined up on the counter. DAWN: Are we the International House of something? BUFFY: Nope. Got up early, and it felt like a breakfast kind of morning. (puts pancakes from the pan onto a plate) Okay, what kind of syrup do you want on your pancakes? DAWN: (amazed) Syrups have kinds? BUFFY: Oh! Also, you know, I was thinking, (turns away to put the pan in the sink) after the mall yesterday, maybe we, we shouldn't go out tonight, you know, maybe we could stay in and, uh, (taking toast from the toaster) ow ... um, you know, get a pizza, or, uh, rent a movie? DAWN: Um... BUFFY: (putting plateful of toast on the island) Also, I didn't know if, you know, if you had plans this weekend, (turns to grab the cereal boxes) but I thought, maybe we could... DAWN: Hey, Buffy? Buffy pauses, looking at Dawn, with a large armful of cereal boxes. DAWN: (quietly) I'm gonna be okay with the basement thing. Really. You weren't you. BUFFY: (quietly) This isn't guilt. I want us to spend time. DAWN: Okay. Good. I love spending time- BUFFY: (realizing) But I'm cramping your teenage style. DAWN: No- BUFFY: Yes, I am. (alarmed) I'm the embarrassing mom who tries too hard. When did this happen? DAWN: (smiling) No, you're not, it's not that, it's just ... what if, instead of you hanging out with me? Maybe I could hang out with you. Buffy stares blankly, not getting it. DAWN: Why don't I come patrolling with you tonight? BUFFY: Oh. And then? Maybe we can invite over some strangers and ask them to feed you candy. DAWN: Well, you guys went out patrolling every night when you were my age. BUFFY: True ... but technically, you're one-and-a-half. Dawn gives her patented adolescent exasperated look. BUFFY: See, I thought a little levity might ... but okay, also no. DAWN: I just ... I just think I could help. BUFFY: I'm sure you could. But it's a little more dangerous than I had in mind. DAWN: But- BUFFY: Dawn, I work very hard to keep you away from that stuff. Okay, I don't want you around dangerous things that can k*ll you. DAWN: Which would be a perfectly reasonable argument, if my sister was chosen to protect the world from tax audits? But, see, my sister is you, and ... dangerous things that want to k*ll me seem to find me. BUFFY: But you don't need to go looking for them. b*at. Dawn gives Buffy a pleading look. BUFFY: Now eat up. You're gonna be late for school. Buffy turns back to the stove. Dawn sighs quietly and sits down. Cut to: the Espresso Pump, day. TARA: (OS) Okay, wait, it was under her wig? Pan across various customers to reveal Tara and Willow sitting at a table with cups of coffee. Both smiling as Willow tells the story of the old lady in episode "Double Meat Palace." WILLOW: Well, it was this thing, it just came out from inside her head. TARA: That's disgusting! What did it look like? WILLOW: Well, let's put it this way, if I wasn't gay before... TARA: (laughing) God, and this was *after* the invisible ray? WILLOW: Yep. TARA: Okay, I'm gone for a couple of months- WILLOW: Oh, did I tell you about the demon eggs? TARA: See, now, now I know you're just trying to make me jealous. WILLOW: (grinning) So, what, no rollicking adventures in the dorms? TARA: (quieter) Mm, it's not the same. It's not like living with a house full of family, or sharing a room with someone you... WILLOW: ...are friends with? As they gaze at each other, Anya walks up. ANYA: Hi. WILLOW: Oh my god. You're back. (hugs Anya) TARA: We've been so worried. ANYA: Yeah, sorry. I needed to, you know ... I couldn't stay here. Not after ... everything that happened. TARA: No, no no, we, we totally understand. WILLOW: But, you're back now, right? ANYA: It's complicated. (sits) You know, and there's a lot to deal with. WILLOW: Well, if there's anything we can do, just let us- ANYA: Actually ... um ... there is an eensy something I could use a little help with. You're lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy. Willow and Tara look at each other in puzzlement. ANYA: (cheerfully) Let's talk about Xander. Cut to: Magic shop, day. Close on Dawn. DAWN: He feels awful. Reveal Anya facing Dawn. ANYA: You think it's anywhere close to what I feel? DAWN: No, but- ANYA: What if it were you, Dawn? What if ... all you dreamed about was that magical day? (Dawn looking chastised) The day when the one person you loved with all your soul would promise to cherish and protect your heart for the rest of his life, but instead he shatters it into a million jagged pieces? Cut back to the coffee shop. TARA: Well, it's, it's not really so much about hating the men. WILLOW: We're more centered around the ... (smirking) girl on girl action. (Tara grinning) ANYA: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander. Cut to: exterior Summers house, day. Anya and Buffy stand on the front porch, leaning against the two pillars on either side of the door, facing each other. BUFFY: I don't think he could feel any worse. ANYA: Let's test that theory. BUFFY: Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong, and ... if it had happened to me, I'd- ANYA: (hopefully) Wish his penis would explode? Cut back to the magic shop. DAWN: I never use that word anymore. ANYA: Coagulate? DAWN: W-i-s-h. ANYA: Oh, wish! As in 'I wish Xander-' DAWN: Right! That word. There's vengeance demons out there that are still active, remember? Any 'I wish' could totally end in horrible grossness. ANYA: Gimme a for-instance? Cut to the Summers porch. BUFFY: I don't really think I should. ANYA: Did I mention the whole 'left at the altar' thing? Didn't leave that out, did I? BUFFY: No. (shakes head) Look, I - I know what he did was wrong. God, if it happened to me, I ... I-I, it must have been t*rture. ANYA: (excited) Okay! Let's talk about t*rture! Cut to the magic shop. Dawn looks very dubious. ANYA: So. Tell me more about wishing Xander's brains and guts would go blooey. DAWN: I didn't say that. ANYA: Yes you did. DAWN: No I didn't. ANYA: I heard you. DAWN: I swear, I didn't say that. ANYA: Didn't say what? DAWN: Um ... I just saw you were back and wanted to talk to you about working off my debt. (nervous chuckle) You know, my whole sticky-fingers, grabby-hands thing? ANYA: Oh, right, the mad thieving! Good, yes, there 's much to do. (mock stern) I'm gonna put you to work, missy! Anya gives a fake laugh. Dawn continues to look dubiously at her. ANYA: So, back to Xander's brains and guts... Cut to the Summers porch. Now Anya and Buffy are sitting on the step. ANYA: Squish squish squish! Guys have been running roughshod over you for years. (Buffy nodding, pouting, reluctantly agreeing) Torturing that perky little ticker. Aren't you sick of it? Don't you wish guys like that- BUFFY: Whoa. Guys? There have only been four - three! Three! Three guys. That's barely plural. ANYA: And didn't each of them rip your heart out? Don't men like that, as to pick an example, Xander, deserve to be punished? Cut to the coffee shop. WILLOW: Well, Xander is a guy, so ... (Tara looking confused) it's kinda not the surprise that he likes to watch ... girls ... Why are we talking about this? ANYA: (annoyed) We're comforting me! TARA: Well, I-I guess it's ... natural for guys to be interested in- ANYA: God! What kind of lesbians are you?! If you love men so much, go love men! Anya jumps up and grabs her to-go coffee cup, storms off. Cut to the Summers porch. Anya has stood up there too and started to storm off. BUFFY: Anya, I know you're hurting, but- ANYA: What? Xander doesn't deserve to suffer for what he did 'cause he's your friend, and I'm not, right? I get it. BUFFY: No. That's not what I'm saying at all. What he did was wrong. He knows that. ANYA: (upset) It just, it hurts. He hurt me so much. BUFFY: (gets up) He really did. (puts hand on Anya's arm) Look, I-I wish that... XANDER: (OS) Anya? Xander walks up. Buffy and Anya look at him. ANYA: (angry) Well, congratulations. They all still love you. Even after what you did to me. She starts to walk off. Xander starts to follow, but Buffy grabs him. XANDER: Anya, wait... BUFFY: Okay. Not, not crazy about that idea. XANDER: What are you doing? I have to go after her. BUFFY: Or, in the land of the sane, you could give her some space, let her cool down. XANDER: (frustrated) That's not Proactive Guy. (pacing) That's Sit-Around-And ... Watch-The-Rest-of-Your-Life-To-Turn-To-Crap Guy. As Xander paces, we get a sh*t of the tree on the front lawn. There are a few straggly plants around the tree's base, and a little ceramic garden gnome nestled among the plants. BUFFY: True, uh, but at least Crap Guy gets to keep all of his appendages. XANDER: And I'm supposed to what? Walk away? (Buffy looking sympathetic) Shouldn't be too hard. It's what I'm good at, right? Xander kicks out in frustration, smashing the garden gnome. BUFFY: Okay, see, that's exactly why a heart-to-heart is probably not your best course of action right now. (Xander still pacing) When you're both angry and upset and ... what the hell is that creepy little thing doing in my yard? Buffy walks forward, looking down at the bits of gnome. Xander looks at them too. BUFFY: Did Willow put that there when I was d*ad? 'Cause if I had known, I would have crawled out of the grave sooner to- XANDER: Buffy. They both kneel beside the gnome's head. We can clearly see a tiny camera inside it. Xander picks it up. BUFFY: Oh my god. XANDER: Looks like someone's been keeping an eye on all your ins and outs. BUFFY: What the who? XANDER: Well, now, let's see. Who's obsessed with Buffy? Who likes to hang out in her yard and keep an eye on her? Who's in love with you and not getting any? Buffy looks grim. Cut to: close-up of a hand holding the camera. SPIKE: What's this? We see that we're in Spike's crypt. Spike is holding the camera up to look at it as Buffy stands confronting him. BUFFY: It's a camera. SPIKE: Yeah, I got that part. Why am I holding it? BUFFY: Someone was using it to spy on me. On my house. (Spike frowning) Xander thinks it's you. SPIKE: Oh, the great Xander thinks so! Shudder gasp! It must be true! BUFFY: Spike- SPIKE: That ponce has always had it for me. Every chance he gets, he sticks it- He pauses, looking at Buffy. SPIKE: (outraged) You believe him, don't you? You think I was spying on you. Buffy doesn't answer. SPIKE: You think I could do that? BUFFY: Because you don't lie or cheat or steal or manipulate... Spike gives her back the camera. SPIKE: (quietly) I don't hurt you. He walks a few steps away. BUFFY: I know. SPIKE: No, you don't. I've tried to make it clear to you, but you won't see it. (pauses) Something happened to me. The way I feel ... about you ... it's different. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't, it's real. BUFFY: I think it is. b*at. He looks at her. BUFFY: For you. She turns to walk away. Spike looks hurt. Buffy pauses by the door, turns back. BUFFY: I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry. I really am. But, Spike, you have to move on. You have to get over- SPIKE: (softly) Get out. Buffy looks grim, turns and leaves. Cut to: magic shop. Anya stands behind the counter talking to Halfrek, who is on the other side of the counter sitting on a stool. ANYA: No! They're all, 'oh, poor Xander! It took so much out of him, all that running away he did.' I just don't understand what's wrong with these people. HALFREK: Did you really think they were the ones who would help you? ANYA: Well, but- HALFREK: Do you want retribution, Anyanka? ANYA: I want Xander good and cursed. HALFREK: Then you know what you have to do. ANYA: Get a wish from someone who doesn't freaking love him. HALFREK: Exactly. ANYA: Yeah, but my social circle is a little limited here. What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon someone who doesn't give a fig's ass if Xander gets hurt? The bell over the magic shop door jingles as Spike enters. He slams the door shut and strides toward Anya. SPIKE: Hey. I need a thing. Zoom in on Anya as she gazes speculatively at him. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. Halfrek and Anya looking at Spike. ANYA: So. What's your pleasure? SPIKE: Fresh of out of pleasure. That's why I'm here. (sighs) I need something. Numbing spell, maybe. ANYA: (fake smile) Uh huh. Hang on. Halfrek smiles and gets up as Anya walks to the end of the counter. Halfrek moves that way too so they can talk privately. We see that Anya is wearing a red skirt, matching red t*nk-top, and matching red cardigan. ANYA: (quietly, smiling) Oh my God. Spike *hates* Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish ... dammit, if only he were a woman. (thinks) Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him - well, he'd be a her by then - then I could go to her - HALFREK: Anyanka. There's an easier way. Now, I know you have this whole female-power, Take Back the Night thing, I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades - men need a little vengeance now and then, too. ANYA: Oh. (looks over at Spike) HALFREK: Maybe this is a good chance to try it out. Halfrek gives a cheerful little wave at Spike and heads for the door. HALFREK: Good luck with that. Ta-ta! She leaves. Anya smiles nervously at Spike. SPIKE: Sorry to bust up the little girls' night out. ANYA: (walking toward him) That's okay. I'm ready to do some business. SPIKE: Right then. Got something that'll dull the ache a bit? ANYA: (smiling) Actually, yes. (walks back behind the counter) Um, Giles left a couple of supplies here, and I think ... this might help. She bends over, begins rummaging in the cabinet under the cash register. ANYA: Eases the hurt ... makes the sun shine a little brighter, (Spike frowning) even makes boring people seem more interesting. Ah. Here. She produces a bottle of whiskey and puts it on the counter-top with a clank. Spike grins. Cut to: close sh*t on a table strewn with various colored wires. The camera from the garden gnome sits there with several wires attached. A hand attaches another wire to it. We see a laptop computer next to the camera. Pan up to reveal Buffy sitting at the other end of the table. The location is the Summers dining room. BUFFY: How's it coming? Can you see who's getting the camera's signal? Reveal Willow sitting in front of the computer. Xander stands beside the table. WILLOW: Should have something once I get tapped into the fiber-optic network. We're gonna use the feedback relay to, uh, get their signal routed into our system. XANDER: Okay, if it's not Spike, and I'm, I'm not saying I believe him ... but if it's not Spike, I think we already know who's behind this. WILLOW: (typing) Makes sense. BUFFY: (grimly) I want. To find. These guys. Cut to: the Geek Trio Lair. Green, blue, yellow liquids bubble in the chemistry set. Jonathan lights a red candle on the table next to the chemistry stuff. Warren and Andrew stand watching. We see that there's an old map spread out on the floor a few feet away. Jonathan holds a short wooden rod with the magic disk attached to the end of it. He positions it in front of the candle and sprinkles some powder over the disk. Close sh*t on the disk as the powder makes it glow red-hot and give off purple smoke. JONATHAN: Uncover. A beam of purple light sh**t from the candle, through the disk, and onto the map. We see that the map is labeled "Map of Sunnydale." The light lands on a single point on the map. JONATHAN: There. That's it. That's where we have to go. WARREN: Well, now that we've found out where we're supposed to go- Suddenly the map bursts into flame where the beam of light is touching it. They all yell. JONATHAN: Yah! Jonathan screams and runs off. Cut to: magic shop, night. Spike is sitting on the stool beside the counter, Anya still standing behind the counter. They both have sh*t glasses and are in the process of drinking the sh*ts. SPIKE: (angrily) So then, this girl says, "real for *you*." ANYA: Right. But getting back to Xander... SPIKE: (scornful) Xander. Let's not waste any more breath on that w*nk*r. ANYA: But he made a fool of me. And nobody seems to care enough to do anything! SPIKE: I care. What he done to you? I've never stooped that low, and I'm an 'evil, soulless thing.' (bitterly) According to some people. ANYA: But shouldn't he pay? Don't you wish he had to pay in some horrible way? SPIKE: Absolutely. Spike picks up the whiskey bottle and his sh*t glass, turns to walk over to the round table in the middle of the room. SPIKE: Take him on myself, if it wasn't for my little handicap. (gesturing at his head) Anya comes out from behind the counter, bringing her glass. ANYA: Right. (sits) So ... hypothetically, what do you wish you could do to him? (Spike pouring fresh sh*ts for both of them) SPIKE: You name it, pet. You're the wronged party. Something, uh... (lifts his glass) gruesome, how 'bout? Spike drinks. Anya maintains her fake-cheerful smile, drinks also. Cut to: Geek Trio lair. Andrew and Warren are stomping on the f*re trying to put it out. Jonathan runs in with a f*re extinguisher. Warren grabs a blanket off the sofa and tosses it on the f*re trying to smother it. He and Andrew continue stomping. JONATHAN: Hey! That's my blanket! WARREN: Well, makes sense, it was your f*re. Behind Warren's head we see a red light-bulb suddenly light up. Cut to: Summers dining room. Willow still working on her laptop. WILLOW: Hey hey, I think I've got something. Buffy and Xander, now both sitting, look over at her. Cut to magic shop. Spike and Anya sit facing each other on the bench next to the round table. Anya gestures wildly with the bottle. She has removed her cardigan sweater and now just wears the red t*nk top over her red skirt. ANYA: (angrily) Thing about it is, none of this was my idea. (disgusted) I didn't ask to be human. (pouring) SPIKE: Right! And I didn't ask for this bloody chip in my head. ANYA: To tell you the truth ...(puts bottle down) all I wanted was to use him and lose him. I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years... SPIKE: (grinning) Me too. The using part. I just wanted to know what I was missing, move on. ANYA: (maudlin) Yeah ... and he was ... all bumpy ... in the right places. And nice to me... She trails off, looking wistful. Spike looks the same way. SPIKE: (softly) She was so raw. I've never felt anything like it. ANYA: Next thing you know ... I'm changing to please him. (a little more upset) I care if he cares! SPIKE: (nodding) Right. ANYA: And I'm off my guard. Happy! I'm singing in the shower and doing my sexy dance?! SPIKE: Exactly. (pauses) I ... have no dance. He looks sternly at Anya as if to make sure she's buying it. She nods, but frowns a little. Cut back to the dining room. Willow continues typing. BUFFY: Talk to me, Will. WILLOW: Technology's pretty sophisticated, lots of booby traps and firewall stuff... (sh*t of the screen showing a "radar" diagram of concentric circles) BUFFY: But can you get us a location? WILLOW: Well, hey, I'm still me. Just one - whoa. BUFFY: What? WILLOW: There are other cameras. Cut back to Magic Box. Anya is now sitting on the table. ANYA: Screw 'em! SPIKE: To the rafters! They clink their glasses together and drink. ANYA: I did everything for that man. Was it ever enough? SPIKE: Never! (slurred) I was always going above and beyond. I saved the Scoobies how many times? And I can't stand the lot of you. ANYA: Me either! I hate us! Everybody's so *nice.* Nobody says what's on their mind. SPIKE: You do. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance. ANYA: (giggles, pleased) Really? SPIKE: Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, (Anya giggling) but she was straight about it. That's a virtue. ANYA: Mm. Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude. SPIKE: (like 'duh') That's because he's one of them. Uptight. Repressed. (makes "uptight" gesture with one finger) ANYA: (frowning) You think? SPIKE: Please. It's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, luv. We should have been d*ad hundreds of years ago ... and we're the only ones who are really alive. Anya smiles, gazing down at him. He looks up at her. They both smile at each other. Cut to the dining room. On Willow's laptop screen we can see a tiny image of the exterior of the Double-Meat Palace. WILLOW: Oh my god, the Double Meat Palace? (image changes) The Bronze? My classes on campus... Close on the screen showing an overhead sh*t of a UC Sunnydale hallway. Then it changes to an image of a deserted construction site. WILLOW: (OS) Xander's site... (Xander looking surprised) BUFFY: What?! XANDER: They've been spying on all these places? WILLOW: I can tell there are more feeds, I, I'm just having a harder time pinpointing 'em. Here, lemme... (typing) Cut back to Magic Box. Anya is sitting on the bench again, closer to Spike than before. The bottle is nearly empty. Spike picks it up with a sigh, pours the last of it into one sh*t glass. SPIKE: Here. (picks up glass, holds it toward her) Ladies last. ANYA: (gazing sentimentally at him) Thank you. SPIKE: Take it quick or my chivalry'll run out. ANYA: No ... (puts her hand on Spike's) thank you. Spike frowns a little, puts the glass down, moves a little closer to her. ANYA: This is the first time since ... (shrugs) It feels good to be with someone who understands. SPIKE: (softly) Intimately. (sighs) ANYA: This whole time, I've been coming on all ... hell-bent and mad. Wanting his head, you know? SPIKE: Yeah. ANYA: When, really, I ... (tearfully) can't sleep at night, thinking it ... has to be my fault, somehow... SPIKE: (shakes his head) Shh... ANYA: (crying) What if it was just pretending? What if he never wanted me ... the way I wanted him? She snaps out of it a little, shakes her head. ANYA: Ohh. I'm sorry. SPIKE: Now now. Spike gently brushes some hair out of Anya's face, then cups her cheek in his hand. SPIKE: He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you. ANYA: (whispers) Then why? SPIKE: (looks away, sadly) The two of them ... they're weak, is all. (pauses) But, I'll tell you what, though. (continues stroking Anya's face) They'll, uh, miss the water now that the well's gone dry. Now Spike has his fingers under Anya's chin and she leans her face into his hand. ANYA: (quietly) Too hot to handle. SPIKE: Too hot... He leans forward, very close. Leans his forehead against hers. ANYA: Um ... just-just one more question. SPIKE: Hmm? ANYA: (very softly) Can I see your sexy dance? SPIKE: (small grin) I'll show you mine... He moves as if to kiss her. ANYA: Wait. Wait. (very soft whisper) What are we doing? SPIKE: Moving on. They kiss passionately. Cut to the dining room. WILLOW: Here, I think there are a couple more transmitters on the network, I just ... ucch, I've almost got a picture on 'em. Cut back to Magic Box. Spike and Anya still kissing. Then she pushes back a little. ANYA: You know I'm only doing this 'cause I'm ... I'm lonely and drunk and you ... smell really good. SPIKE: See? Forthright. She grins and nods, and they resume kissing. Cut to: Geek Lair. The red light continues flashing, now accompanied by a loud alarm noise. The geeks look over in alarm. WARREN: Ahh! ANDREW: It tapped into our feed, something's wrong! They all run toward the bank of computers along one wall. Cut back to Magic Box. Kissing continues as Anya climbs onto Spike's lap, straddling him. He pushes his hands up underneath her shirt and pushes the shirt up, revealing a black bra. Cut back to the Lair. The geeks still racing for the computers. Jonathan still holds the f*re extinguisher. Cut back to Magic Box. Spike sweeps a pile of stuff (including the empty liquor bottle) off the table with one arm. Then retreats out of sh*t so all we see is the bare table. Then Spike's hands place Anya on the table, now wearing just her black bra and short red skirt. She lies back on the table panting. Then Spike moves on top of her, between her legs. They resume kissing. Cut to the dining room. WILLOW: I think I've got the Magic Box. She continues typing and looking at the screen. WILLOW: Whoa! She stands up quickly, staring at the screen. Cut to Geek Lair. Close on the multiple keyboards sitting on the table, multiple hands typing frantically. WARREN: (OS) Shut it down, shut it *all* down! sh*t of the monitors with various windows flashing chaotically across the screens. ANDREW: I'm trying, I can't find -- JONATHAN: (reaching across Warren to Andrew's keyboard) Here, dorkface- ANDREW: I'll get it myself- WARREN: Guys, we have to - oh, holy crap. They all freeze, staring at one monitor. Close on the monitor showing a full-color view of Spike and Anya having sex on the table in the Magic Box. The geeks stare, dropping their hands from the keyboards. JONATHAN: Oh my god. WARREN: What is that, p-p*rn? We get another sh*t of the screen as the action heats up, the kissing becomes more frantic. JONATHAN: Oh my god. WARREN: Is that the cam in the Magic Box? JONATHAN: Oh my god. ANDREW: What are they ... ohh. WARREN: Is that- JONATHAN: Spike. ANDREW: (riveted) He is so cool. (glances at the others, self-consciously) And, I mean, the girl is hot too. WARREN: (shaking his head) Dude. They all continue to watch intently. Cut to Magic Box. The kissing and such continues. Pan over to a nearby display case where a human skull is sitting. The camera in its eye is clearly visible. (same skull-cam shown in episode "Life Serial") Cut to dining room. Buffy and Xander, alarmed by Willow's reaction, get up and come over to look at the screen. WILLOW: Wait, Xander, no. XANDER: (looks) Oh, god. Buffy stares at the screen, looks over at Xander, back to the screen. Close on the screen. It's monochrome unlike the Geeks' setup, but the image of Spike and Anya kissing and writhing on the table is quite clear. sh*t of Buffy and Xander both watching in horror. Sound of a door opening. Dawn enters through the front door, closes it, sees the others in the dining room and walks that way. DAWN: Hey guys. What's up? Dawn walks over to them as Buffy and Xander are staring at the screen and Willow staring at them. Dawn looks at the screen and gasps. Willow quickly puts her hand over Dawn's eyes. WILLOW: Whoa, whoa, whoa. XANDER: I ... what is she... Willow looks at Xander with concern, then at Buffy. Close on Buffy looking, if anything, even more upset than Xander. Close on the screen as the action continues. WILLOW: Buffy? Dawn and Willow stare at Buffy. BUFFY: That's enough. Buffy storms out. Willow and Dawn exchange a look. Xander walks off in a daze. Willow snaps out of it, a little. WILLOW: (sits) Here, lemme just... (typing) sh*t of Buffy's back as she heads toward the kitchen and the back door. WILLOW: You know, we, we aren't even really sure what we're just seeing here, there could be something- Dawn rolls her eyes, follows Buffy. WILLOW: There, got it. Sound of a door closing (back door) and one opening (front door). Willow looks up, realizes she's alone. WILLOW: Xander? She gets up and goes to the foyer, finds the front door standing wide open. Willow goes into the living room, sees something. Zoom in on her face looking upset. Zoom in on the w*apon chest that Xander made for Buffy (episode "Older and Far Away"). Its lid is open and the w*apon are in disarray. Cut to the street. Xander walks along, walking fast with a grim look on his face. Pan down to reveal the short-handled axe in his hand. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the Summers back yard, night. Buffy sits in one of the wooden lawn chairs, staring blankly. Dawn stands nearby, her arms folded across her chest. DAWN: So. This is it? This is the stuff you've been protecting me from? You and Spike? BUFFY: And a lot of monsters. DAWN: Uh-huh. BUFFY: But it's over. (Dawn sitting in the other chair) Spike. DAWN: I wish you'd told me. BUFFY: I kinda didn't wanna admit it to myself. DAWN: I get that. Buffy continues staring at the ground. DAWN: I know it must hurt. To feel like you have to hide, to keep secrets from everybody? Buffy looks at Dawn, pensively. Willow bursts out the back door of the house. WILLOW: Buffy. Xander's gone. He took your axe. Cut to Magic Box. Pan across the assorted stuff scattered on the floor. The bench is lying on its side. There's also a tipped-over chair with Anya's sweater hanging on it. Anya, wearing her t*nk top again, picks up the sweater. In background we see Spike fastening his belt. Anya has her back to him. He looks over at her. Close on Anya looking a little ashamed or embarrassed. Pan to Spike looking the same. Spike finishes with his belt and starts walking toward the door as Anya puts on her sweater, staring blankly into space. Spike pauses by the door and they both turn to face each other from across the room. Anya gives a little nod, and after a moment Spike nods back. He turns and opens the door, walks out. Cut to exterior of the shop. Spike exits and immediately looks shocked at something directly in front of him. He dodges to the right and the short-handled axe plunges into the wall behind where he just was. sh*t of Xander struggling to pull the axe free. Spike stares at him in some alarm. Xander gives up on the axe, grabs Spike by the front of his shirt and throws him down on the sidewalk. sh*t of Buffy running around a corner farther down the street, running hard toward them. Xander picks Spike up and throws him against a pillar, grabs him and turns him around, punches him in the gut. Spike doubles over. XANDER: Get up. Get up! Spike glares up at him but doesn't move. XANDER: You're just gonna sit there? Do nothing? Spike doesn't answer. Xander grabs him, pulls him to his feet and slams his head against the pillar. XANDER: That the kinda man you are? SPIKE: I'm not gonna fight you. Chip. Xander knees him in the stomach. Spike groans and doubles over again. XANDER: Too bad. Xander pulls a stake from his pocket, just as Anya opens the door and sees them. ANYA: Xander, no! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Anya runs over, distracting Xander. She reaches him just as Buffy does, coming up behind him and shoving him aside. Xander pants and glares at Buffy. She pants and glares back. ANYA: Xander, I... XANDER: (panting) Don't even try to deny it. 'Cause I saw it all. The whole beautiful show. ANYA: How...? Xander glares angrily at her. ANYA: It was just, it ... it was just a thing. I ... I felt bad, and he was just ... there. BUFFY: (to Spike) Didn't take long, did it? (Spike looking sourly at her) XANDER: (still yelling at Anya) Oh, oh, oh, okay! You had to do it. Because he was there. Like Mt. Everest. (upset) Like I used to be. ANYA: (angry) And then you weren't. You left *me,* Xander. At the altar. (yelling) I don't owe you anything. XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? d*ad or alive? ANYA: Where do you get off judging me?! XANDER: When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you, and you h*t me back? Very mature. ANYA: No, the mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes, so that no one will notice that you are just a scared, insecure little boy! XANDER: (bitterly) I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. (pointing at Spike) You wanted me to feel something? (Anya looking chagrined) Congratulations, it worked. Anya stares at him, looks like she might cry again. XANDER: I look at you ... and I feel sick. 'Cause you had sex with that. (points at Spike again) Anya looks down at the ground, hurt. Buffy looks a bit ashamed too. SPIKE: (quietly) It's good enough for Buffy. XANDER: (yells) Shut up and leave her out of... Xander stops as what Spike said sinks in. He and Anya stare at Buffy. Buffy looks all upset. ANYA: Buffy? BUFFY: Xander... XANDER: (shaking his head, full of pain) I don't want to know this. sh*t of Xander's stake clattering on the ground. XANDER: I don't want to know any of this. He walks off. Buffy looks very upset, watches him go for a moment, then turns to glare at Spike. Spike just looks back at her, unapologetic. Buffy looks angry but resigned. She turns and follows Xander. Spike and Anya stand side-by-side watching Buffy go. sh*t of Buffy's back as she walks away. SPIKE: (OS) Bloody Xander, mucking(?) up everything. Spike looks sullen. SPIKE: You know, I wish- ANYA: Don't. Spike looks at her, a little surprised. Anya grimaces in self-disgust. They move off in opposite directions, Spike down the street, Anya back toward the shop. Cue sad music -- "That Kind of Love" by Alison Krauss. Who would sell their soul for love? Another sh*t of Buffy still walking away. Or waste one tear on compromise? Anya walks into the store, stares unhappily at the mess. Should be easy enough To know a heartache in disguise Anya slowly walks down the three steps into the main room, picks up the bench and rights it. Continues starting to clean the place up. TARA: (OS) Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard. Cut to the Summers house. Willow is lying on the bed with some homework, but looking in surprise at the doorway. She sits up on the edge of the bed. WILLOW: Tara? Reveal Tara in the doorway, leaning against the door frame. TARA: You can't ever ... (sighs) put them back the way they were. WILLOW: Are you okay? TARA: I'm sorry, it's just ... (deep sigh) You know, it takes time. (walking into the room) You can't just ... have coffee and expect- WILLOW: (guilty) I know. Long sh*t of the two of them -- Willow sitting, Tara standing -- with a considerable distance separating them. TARA: There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides ... (Willow looking upset) You have to learn if ... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. Willow continues looking at Tara, sadly. TARA: It's a long... important process, and ... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now? Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. She smiles widely, jumps up. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately. There was not faith enough Still my heart held on When we find that kind of love Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x18 - Entropy"}

foreverdreaming

Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you really want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. DO NOT POST MY TRANSCRIPT ON YOUR SITE WITHOUT MY NAME ON IT! • I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy and Spike in the graveyard. SPIKE: Why won't you sleep with me again? BUFFY: Because I don't love you. SPIKE: Like hell. Buffy and Willow at home. BUFFY: I thought you were gonna go see Tara. WILLOW: She's ... seeing someone else. Willow at school, seeing Tara kiss another girl. WILLOW: They're probably just friends. Willow talking to Tara. WILLOW: We should have some coffee some time. TARA: I'm free tomorrow. Spike and Anya having sex at the Magic Box. Willow seeing Spike and Anya on her computer. WILLOW: Whoa. The Geeks seeing it in their lair. WARREN: Shut it down, shut it all down! The camera in a skull on a shelf at the shop. WARREN: Is that the camera in the Magic Box? JONATHAN: Oh my god. Buffy and Xander looking at the screen. XANDER: Oh god. What is she... BUFFY: That's enough. Buffy walking out. Anya and Xander on the street. ANYA: You left me, Xander. At the altar! I don't owe you anything! XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? SPIKE: It's good enough for Buffy. XANDER: Shut up and leave her out of- Xander and Anya staring at Buffy. Willow in her bedroom. WILLOW: Tara? TARA: You can't just ... have coffee and expect- WILLOW: I know. TARA: There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again on both sides. Can we just skip it? Can, can you just be kissing me now? Willow and Tara kissing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open in Willow's bedroom, daylight. Overhead sh*t of the room, various items of clothing strewn across the floor. Pan across the floor. Sound of giggling. Pan further to reveal Willow and Tara snuggling together on the bed, under red sheets. WILLOW: When did morning happen? TARA: After the moon went down. Willow giggles, leans up and they kiss for a while. Then Willow lies back down with her head on Tara's stomach. Tara caresses her shoulders. WILLOW: Mmm, I forgot how good this could feel. Us. Together. (pause) Without the magic. TARA: There was plenty of magic. Willow smiles, then sighs. WILLOW: It's getting late. TARA: (small frown) Wanna get up? WILLOW: No! (Tara laughing) Oh god, no. (quietly) I was just thinking about Buffy. TARA: (frowns) Oh. She still isn't back? WILLOW: I didn't hear her. She wouldn't talk about what happened at the magic shop when she got home last night. She just wanted to know how close I was to tracing the camera signal back to the Empire of the Nerds. And then she left again. TARA: I'm sure she'll be okay. WILLOW: Yeah, I'm not really worried about her going up against Warren and the others. I know this is going to sound crazy, but ... I think something might be going on. With Spike and Buffy. (Pause) I mean, she looked so hurt when she saw him with Anya. I think maybe- TARA: They've been sleeping together. WILLOW: (laughs) No. I wouldn't go that far. TARA: No, I mean she told me they've been sleeping together. Willow sits up to stare at Tara. WILLOW: Sleeping together? You mean like the naked kind of together? TARA: (sighs) I'm sorry I didn't say anything, but I, I promised her I wouldn't. WILLOW: (shocked) Does everybody else know? Am I the only one she didn't- TARA: God, no. She, she didn't even mean to tell me, it just came out. WILLOW: (still shocked) How could she hide something like this from me? TARA: I think she was afraid of the look you'd get on your face. (Willow staring at her) Kinda like the one you're wearing now. WILLOW: Oh, no, I'm not ... I'm just trying to understand. TARA: So is she. WILLOW: Wow, she probably really needs someone to talk to. TARA: Probably. Willow continues absorbing the news as Tara strokes her hair. TARA: We've been kinda busy, maybe we didn't hear her come home. Willow nods uncertainly. Cut to the hallway. Willow, wearing a large football shirt, knocks on a closed door. WILLOW: Buffy? She opens the door, revealing the neatly made, not-slept-in bed. Willow frowns, closes the door and starts back toward her room. sh*t of another closed door, starting to open. DAWN: (OS) She back yet? Willow stops, turns back. Dawn appears in the doorway. WILLOW: (nervously) Uh, not yet. I'm sure she'll be home soon. Everything's fine, just go back to bed. DAWN: It's ten o'clock. WILLOW: (surprised) Oh. Uh... DAWN: (comes closer) You don't think she's ... gonna hurt Spike, do you? WILLOW: She told you about Spike? DAWN: It was kinda obvious after last night. WILLOW: (covering) Yeah, I totally knew. DAWN: It must have hurt so much. To see him and, and, and Anya like that? And poor Xander. Everything is so screwed up. WILLOW: It's gonna be all right. It's just ... complicated. You know, when, when people have such strong feelings for each other, sometimes- TARA: Is she back yet? Tara emerges from the bedroom with the sheet wrapped around her. Dawn's face lights up. Tara sees Dawn and looks mildly alarmed/embarrassed. TARA: Oh. Hey. D: (starting to smile, delighted) Oh! You and- TARA: (smiling) Uh, that's my cue to put some clothes on. (turning back toward the bedroom) DAWN: No! No no no! I'm totally not here! You guys, you do whatever you want. Um ... I'll go watch TV. (Giggles) Downstairs, really loud! In the basement. Where I can't hear anything. (Squeals) Oh my god! Dawn rushes off giggling excitedly. Tara and Willow grin at each other, head back toward the bedroom. Dawn reappears almost immediately. DAWN: I love you guys! She squeals some more and dashes off again. Willow and Tara smile and continue on. Cut to: Some door somewhere. It explodes inward (toward the camera) and Buffy appears in the doorway, wearing a red leather jacket. BUFFY: (calls) All right. Let's make this quick. Reveal the interior of the Geek Trio's lair, still decorated in cheesy love-pad fashion, but empty of people. Buffy looks quite displeased. She walks down the stairs into the lair, looks around. BUFFY: Fine. But I'm not leaving till we have a little chat. She wanders over to a desk. There's an iMac and a bunch of papers on it. Buffy frowns, picks up some of the papers, looks around more. Pan over a variety of geek-type knick-knacks and such. BUFFY: Very little, considering the pummeling that needs to occur. She looks at a shelf where a bunch of action figures are set up -- mostly of women in extremely skimpy outfits. Buffy pokes one of them, makes a face, turns away. BUFFY: I mean, guys, helloooo. Slayer here. Did you honestly think I wouldn't find you... She gets distracted by more piles of paper and stuff on a chair. She sifts through them, picks some up. Frowns, continues walking. She discovers the white-board on which the Nerd Herd had written their evil plans. Buffy turns it on its squeaky axle to reveal the surface. All it says now is: "TOO LATE!" BUFFY: (frowns) Well, that can't be good. Suddenly a huge circular buzz-saw cuts through the white-board and comes slicing toward Buffy, cutting through everything in its path. Sawdust and debris flying everywhere. Buffy shields her face with her hands, dives to the floor just in time to avoid being sliced in two. Several more saws appear, at all angles, moving around the room, some horizontally, some vertically, some on a diagonal. Buffy does a flip to duck under one and over another. She grabs a pile of random papers and stuff, and runs for the door. One saw gets caught in the stairwell just below her feet. Cut to outside. Buffy bursts out of the house and falls onto the grass, papers flying everywhere. She groans and sits up. We see that she's holding a large, old book. She looks down at herself. Close sh*t on her stomach. Her red leather jacket has a big gash in it, just deep enough to cut the fabric but not her flesh. BUFFY: (annoyed) Okay. That's gonna cost ya. Wolf howl, opening credits. Note: Amber Benson (Tara) appears in the opening credits for the first time. Guest Starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Amy Hathaway, and Nichole Hiltz. Written by Stephen S. DeKnight, directed by: Michael Gershman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of the Summers house, day. Cut to inside. Willow and Tara come down the stairs, dressed, arms around each other, smiling. They go into the living room. WILLOW: Okay, we're here, ready for action! Uh, bad guy fighting action. (Giggles) Reveal Buffy sitting on the sofa holding some papers, and Dawn on the floor beside her, eating something. Willow and Tara exchange affectionate looks. BUFFY: Guys, you didn't have to ... You know, if you still wanna be alone- WILLOW: No. No, we're good. (still with the amorous looks) TARA: We're better than good. Buffy and Dawn smiling too. BUFFY: Great. WILLOW: (softly) Super. Willow and Tara kiss briefly, then begin kissing more intensely. Buffy and Dawn watch with "aw" faces. Dawn giggles. BUFFY: Awww. WILLOW: Okay, all right, we'll stop. DAWN: Oh, you better not! TARA: So, um, nerds. How are them? They? BUFFY: Well, I found their lair, but they obviously knew we were tracing their signal. They left in a hurry. Van was gone, but everything else was still there. WILLOW: We should go back, uh, Tara and I can Sherlock around- BUFFY: There's nothing left there now. Giant buzz saw. It was a thing. (indicating papers) This was all that I could save. I, I know it's not much, but we need to go through it and see if we can find anything that might tell us what, what they're doing, where they're going... Willow and Tara kneel on the floor. We see that the coffee table is covered with the rest of the papers and stuff that Buffy salvaged from the nerds' lair. Tara picks up a large book. It has a buzz-saw cut right across the middle, and it falls in half as she picks it up. TARA: Um, (chuckling) this might take a while. BUFFY: Anything we can do to fast forward? We really need to find Warren and the others before anyone else gets hurt. WILLOW: Should we call Xander? BUFFY: (grimaces) I don't think he's really in the Scooby space. We need to give him some time. DAWN: Maybe they've heard something in the demon bars about those guys. (tentatively, looking at Buffy) Spike- BUFFY: (quickly) Spike ... Spike's not part of the team. DAWN: (softly) So he's not ... going to be around anymore? (Willow and Tara looking concerned) BUFFY: Uh ... I don't know, Dawn. Not, not for a while. Dawn ponders this. TARA: What about Anya? She might be able to help with some of the demon texts. BUFFY: I'm guessing she's not feeling real researchy right now. Sound of sniffling, crying. Cut to: a restaurant, day. A blonde woman sits at the bar with a martini glass in front of her. She's crying and has her head down so we can't see her face, but her hair and build and clothing resemble Anya's. But as the camera pulls out we see that Anya is actually sitting next to the crying woman. ANYA: I know how you feel. Maybe I can help. CRYING WOMAN: How could Carl do that to me? That bastard! ANYA: He's a man. Look no further. CRYING WOMAN: But with my sister? She's not even pretty. ANYA: (taken aback) Well ... it isn't always about looks. (Crying woman looking skeptical) Or a beating heart. Sometimes intimate sweaty relations with the wrong person just seems like a good idea at the time. CRYING WOMAN: (angrily) She's fat! He cheated on me with my fat ugly sister! (continues crying) ANYA: Likes 'em fleshy, huh? Bet you wish he'd bloat up a coupla thousand pounds and pop like a big ol' meat zeppelin, don't you? CRYING WOMAN: He said he loved me. ANYA: Oh, gee, then he must have meant it, 'cause hey, guys never say anything they don't really mean, do they? CRYING WOMAN: But we- ANYA: They say, "I love you," and, and you think it's true. (crying woman staring at her) They say, "Oh, Anya, I want to be with you for the rest of my life," and, and you believe them, you believe they feel the same way about you, because that's the way love's supposed to be, right? CRYING WOMAN: Who's Anya? ANYA: And then you get all excited with the tingly anticipation, but wait! Not so fast! There's the apocalypse, a-and the back from the grave, and the blah blah blah blah blah, and by the time you're finally standing there in that beautiful expensive white dress you've dreamed about ever since you became human, he's gets all heebie-jeebie and decides, "you know, I'd rather just go steady." b*at. The other woman has stopped crying. Now she just looks bitter. CRYING WOMAN: Men suck. I wish Carl's flesh would- ANYA: And you know, he said it isn't me, but how can I believe him? I mean ... he knew he didn't want to get married! Deep down he knew, but he lied to me every day for months! CRYING WOMAN: I wish- ANYA: He lied and lied and then lied some more, 'cause hey , who's gonna notice with all the other lies flying around like little monkeys? And then he thinks he can just sweep the carnage underneath the rug by saying , "oh-" Cut to: some sort of underground cavern. A looming shapeless shadow moves across the wall. VOICE: I'm sorry. Sorry. Pan down and reveal Andrew, sitting on the floor and scooting backwards on his butt as the looming creature pursues him down the tunnel. ANDREW: Sorry, please! I'll never try to desecrate your chamber again! We finally get a look at the thing chasing him. It's a huge brown scaly demon with thorny things protruding from its chin, a sort of triangular head, teeth like needles. ANDREW: Just don't hurt me! Please! Andrew has backed into a corner. The demon continues advancing. Then we see Warren and Jonathan behind the demon. Warren zaps it with a cattle prod/taser. Blue electricity sparkles around the demon and it growls in pain. JONATHAN: h*t him again! h*t him again! Warren continues zapping the demon until it falls over. WARREN: Wow. These things are tougher than I thought. (as Andrew gets up and joins them) You know, one jolt from this should have dropped an elephant . Andrew grabs the prod from Warren. ANDREW: You want a piece of this? Huh? (zapping the demon repeatedly) Not so tough, are you now, Puff 'N Stuff?! WARREN: Hey, hey! We need him fresh, all right, not smoke house. ANDREW: (stops zapping) I'm done being the bait. Next time one of you can wiggle on the hook. Warren goes over to the demon and squats down to look at it. WARREN: If this works ... then next time we'll be the thing that everyone's afraid of. JONATHAN: Okay, so ... what now? Warren has a switchblade Kn*fe in his hand. He flicks open the blade. WARREN: Well, now it's your turn, Sparky. Warren reverses the Kn*fe so he's holding it by the blade, then tosses it to Jonathan, who catches it. He looks at it uncertainly, then makes a disgusted face. Cut to: Spike's crypt, night. Spike holds a glass of blood in one hand and a bottle of liquor in the other. He pours liquor into the blood, puts the bottle down, takes a slow sip. DAWN: (OS) Does it help? Spike looks over his shoulder. Behind him, Dawn is standing in the doorway with a white bag over her shoulder. Spike looks back at his glass. SPIKE: Doesn't hurt. He looks over at Dawn again. She fidgets a little. SPIKE: Not planning a camp-out, are we? DAWN: No. I'm sleeping over at Janice's. Figured Willow and Tara might want some time to, uh... SPIKE: (smiles slightly, staring into his glass) Oh, so the birds are flying again, eh? (bitterly) Ain't love grand. He turns to sit in his armchair, not looking at Dawn. DAWN: I wanted to stop by on my way and, you know. (b*at) Everybody's pretty mad at you. SPIKE: Yeah. Kinda picked up on that. DAWN: (softly) You're not going to be coming aroundanymore. Are you? SPIKE: (staring into the distance) It's complicated, Nibblet. DAWN: (small laugh) Everybody's been saying that. SPIKE: Must be true then. (drinking) DAWN: Was it worth it? What you did with Anya? Spike looks over at her in surprise. SPIKE: Buffy told you? DAWN: (shrugs) Kinda caught the show. There was a camera somewhere in the Magic Box. (Spike looking shocked) Warren and Jonathan and that other guy have been watching Buffy. SPIKE: (sighing angrily) w*nk*r! Dawn walks down the steps and a few feet into the room. DAWN: (pained) Do you love her? SPIKE: Oh, no. No. It was just a ... It was a bad day. For both of us. And we just had a few drinks and, things just- DAWN: No. Not Anya. Buffy. Close on Spike staring at his glass. DAWN: (OS) Do you really love her? Spike doesn't answer, just looks pained. DAWN: Then how could you do that to her? SPIKE: (still not looking at her) Oh, right , 'cause Big Sis was treating me so well up until that point. (Dawn sighing in exasperation) Must still be a bit of the evil left in me after all. DAWN: I don't know what happened betweenyou two. But what you did last night ... If you wanted to hurt Buffy, congratulations. (quietly) It worked. Dawn turns to leave. Close on Spike staring sadly into his drink as the door closes. Cut to: a different part of the underground tunnel. It's lit with candles. Across the tunnel at one point there's a shimmery magical barrier. A demon like the one that the Nerds stunned earlier comes walking down the tunnel. When it gets to the barrier it simply keeps walking. The barrier flashes with orange light and makes sizzling noises as the demon walks through it. As the demon continues on, Warren and Andrew emerge from a nook in the tunnel and go over to the barrier. WARREN: This is it. We found it. ANDREW: You sure it's in there? Andrew starts to go over to the barrier but Warren stops him. WARREN: Careful! Only Nezzla demons can pass through the barrier. Warren picks up a rock from the ground and tosses it at the barrier. It sizzles and burns to nothing in an instant. WARREN: Everything else gets curly-fried. JONATHAN: (OS) This sucks. Jonathan comes walking out of the nook. He is wearing the other demon's skin like a suit, covering his whole body. It's much bigger than him so it hangs loosely around him. The head-skin is hanging like a hood so that Jonathan's head is free. WARREN: Just make sure all your skin's covered. JONATHAN: (whining) Why can't I just use a glamor? ANDREW: You can't Siegfried and Roy the barrier. It's gotta be the real deal. Warren reaches behind Jonathan and pulls the head-hood over Jonathan's head. Jonathan yells in dismay. The other two laugh. JONATHAN: Ahh! (muffled, disgusted) It's still wet. (The head is also too big and Jonathan's eyes barely show through the eye-holes) WARREN: Good. Then it should still be fresh enough. JONATHAN: (muffled) Should be? Wait a minute, what do you mean, what do you mean, should be? Still laughing, Warren grabs Jonathan and shoves him into the barrier. Jonathan screams. The barrier sizzles and flashes, and lets him through. He falls to the ground on the other side. WARREN: (chuckling, to Andrew) Huh. Wasn't sure that would work. Andrew looks surprised and a little uncertain. On the other side of the barrier, Jonathan gets up and composes himself. JONATHAN: (muttering, muffled) Jackass. He shuffles off down the corridor. ANDREW: You think he knows? WARREN: Well, if he did, why would he be here? ANDREW: Why is he? Our mojo's tight, bro. We could've pulled this ourselves. WARREN: Well, somebody had to guinea pig the meat suit. Were, were you gonna volunteer? Andrew frowns, then laughs nervously and shakes his head. ANDREW: No. (looks nervously toward the barrier) I don't trust the leprechaun. WARREN: Okay, just stay frosty. This works the way we planned it, by the end of the evening Jonathan won't be a problem. As Warren is saying this, Jonathan reappears, holding something. He walks through the barrier to rejoin the others. WARREN: You got it? JONATHAN: (muffled) Yeah, I got it. He gives Warren a small wooden box. ANDREW: That's it? JONATHAN: (muffled) It better be. Jonathan pulls the hood off his head. His face and hair are covered with demon slime. JONATHAN: No way I'm going back through there. Thing stings like a mother. ANDREW: Dude, unholy hair gel. (reaching out to touch Jonathan's slimy hair) JONATHAN: Get off. ANDREW: Make me, skin job. WARREN: Shut up. Warren takes out a small electrical device and runs it over the surface of the wooden box. The device has a bunch of little lights that flash randomly. Warren puts it back in his pocket and opens the box. WARREN: Ohh. The box is divided into two equal compartments. Each one holds a small glass orb, red with white or gold symbols drawn on it. WARREN: Gentlemen... Warren puts the box on Andrew's outstretched hands and removes the orbs, holding one in each hand. WARREN: ...the Orbs of Nezzla'khan. (gazing at them) Strength. Invulnerability. The deluxe package. ANDREW: They're everything I've ever dreamed of. JONATHAN: You know, those things have been down here for like a zillion years. How do we know they still work? Suddenly a bright purple light explodes from each orb, surrounding Warren. The light begins to pulse rhythmically from each globe and through Warren's body. He gasps and his eyes glow purple. He starts to laugh. WARREN: Ohh, they work. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the underground tunnel. The Geek Trio are walking down the tunnel as Warren puts the glowing orbs into a small leather bag attached to his belt. ANDREW: You don't look any different. I thought they were supposed to make us all huge and veiny. Are you sure they're working right? Sound of growling. Warren looks around as another demon comes around a corner, growling. WARREN: Let's find out. Warren rushes at the demon. It hits him and he flies against a wall, turns back and grabs the demon's arm and kicks it in the back of the legs. The demon falls to its knees. Warren wraps his arms around its head and twists, breaking the demon's neck. It falls down d*ad. The other two stare in amazement. JONATHAN: Mahatma! WARREN: Welcome to the show, boys. ANDREW: That was so hot! (Warren nodding) JONATHAN: Lemme try 'em! Jonathan runs over and grabs for the bag holding the orbs. Warren grabs Jonathan's wrist. WARREN: Watch the paws, little man. (lets go) JONATHAN: Ow. (cradling his wrist) We're supposed to share. WARREN: Oh, relax. All right, you'll each get a whirl. (nodding) As soon as I'm done playing with 'em. Warren smirks evilly. Cut to: exterior sh*t of Xander's apartment building, day. Sound of knocking. Cut to the hallway outside Xander's apartment. Buffy stands in front of the door. It opens to reveal Xander. He doesn't look thrilled to see Buffy. BUFFY: Hey. XANDER: Hey. Xander turns away, leaving the door open. We see that he has a beer can in his hand. He walks back into the apartment. Buffy follows him in, closing the door behind her. XANDER: I think there's still a cold one in the fridge. BUFFY: Thanks, but, uh, I think it's still a little early for me. Xander just looks at her, then sits on a sofa. Buffy sits on a chair opposite. BUFFY: (softly) She loves you. You know that. Anya was just ... She was hurting. She was ... hurting and, and she did this really stupid thing. XANDER: With your boyfriend. BUFFY: He's not my boyfriend. XANDER: I know why Anya ... I understand, I do. (shaking his head) But you... Buffy looks down at her feet. XANDER: (still shaking head) All those times I told Spike to get lost ... that he didn't have a chance with a girl like you. (laughs bitterly) BUFFY: You don't know how hard it's been. XANDER: What, lying to me? BUFFY: (angrily) Being here. After I was brought back. Xander looks chastised. Buffy sighs, calms down. BUFFY: You have no idea how hard it is just being here. XANDER: You could have told me. BUFFY: You didn't want to know. XANDER: So you went to him instead? BUFFY: Xander, what I do with my personal life is none of your business. XANDER: (softly) It used to be. Buffy fidgets like she doesn't know how to answer that. BUFFY: It just happened, okay? XANDER: (chuckles bitterly) Oh, like, uh, "Say, you're evil. Get on me"? BUFFY: You fought side by side with him when I was gone. You let him take care of Dawn. XANDER: But I never forgot what he really is. (Buffy looking hurt) God, what were you thinking? BUFFY: (laughs) You're asking me that? Oh, 'cause your decision making skills have really sparkled lately. XANDER: I'm not saying I didn't make any mistakes. But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of them. He doesn't have a soul, Buffy. Just some leash they jammed in his head. You think he'd still be all snuggles if that chip ever stopped working? Would you still trust him with Dawn then? BUFFY: (resigned) It doesn't matter. I'm not seeing him anymore. It's over. XANDER: Yeah. There's a lot of that going around. Xander crumples up the beer can in his hand, tosses it aside, gets up and walks off. Close on Buffy looking upset as we hear the apartment door opening. The door slams and Buffy winces. Fade to: Sunnydale street, night. People walking around. Sad music. Xander walks down the street looking sad. Fade to: Magic shop, night. Anya wanders around dusting things at random. Cut to the street. Xander still walking. Cut back to inside. Anya dusting items on a shelf. Cut to the street. Xander walks up to a window and peers in through the blinds. sh*t of Xander's face from inside. sh*t from Xander's point of view, Anya dusting inside the shop while Xander's face is reflected in the window. Anya doesn't notice him. Xander walks on. Cut to: Willow and Tara's bedroom. The floor and bed are strewn with papers. Willow lies on the bed on her stomach, working on her computer. Tara reclines on the bed propped up by pillows, reading papers. Both are covered by blankets (naked underneath?). WILLOW: It's all a mess. TARA: These things take time. We'll figure it out. WILLOW: Sure. We'll decipher codes, foil evil schemes... TARA: Finally get out of bed... WILLOW: I was with you up until there. (Tara laughing) Whoa. TARA: (sitting up) What is it? WILLOW: Uh, one of their data CDs. It's filled with encrypted blueprints, schematics... sh*t of the computer screen with various blueprints flashing by. TARA: To what? WILLOW: I'm not sure. The designations have been stripped. TARA: Maybe we can cross-reference them with the county clerk's office. WILLOW: (makes a face) Would that involve getting up? TARA: (smiling) Eventually. WILLOW: Then I'm coming out firmly against it. TARA: (mock-frowning) What about the Trio's evil scheme? WILLOW: (grinning) Well, I'm kinda busy working on my own. Willow turns away from the computer and toward Tara. Sound of giggling. Tara leans back against her pillows with a smile. Cut to the Bronze. Several people are sitting/standing by the bar as the bartender pours drinks. Xander is sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender pours into Xander's glass. Close sh*t on Xander's hand holding the sh*t glass as the liquor pours. Some of it misses the glass and splashes on Xander's hand. Pan up to the woman next to Xander, looking over at him. WOMAN: You're all wet. She pushes a cocktail napkin toward him. XANDER: It's a good thing I'm part fish. (wiping his hand with the napkin) WOMAN: (smiling) Which part? XANDER: The part with the hook in it. WOMAN: Careful. Someone might reel you in. XANDER: Yeah, but then there'd be the flopping and the ... gasping, and ... sure, maybe it'd work out, but chances are I'd up and leave you at the helm in your white dress. Then find you spawning with another fish who turns out to be spawning my very good friend night and day behind my back. (woman looking confused) Then comes the fighting and again with the flopping and the gasping, 'cause hey , Chicken of the Sea here's not doing too good with the women these days. WOMAN: Huh? XANDER: Sorry, I'm just looking to curl up with the quiet alone tonight. Wide sh*t of the two of them. The woman looks disappointed, turns away. Xander concentrates on his drink. Cut to the entrance. The Geeks enter, look around. Jonathan looks at his watch. JONATHAN: (irritated) We don't have time for this. ANDREW: Ease up, twitchy. Warren looks around, spots something. WARREN: All right. Long sh*t of a tall guy and a pretty girl smiling into each other's eyes, holding hands. WARREN: Let's make some noise. Warren walks forward. The others watch, Andrew excited, Jonathan nervous. Cut to: close on a vampire face. Someone punches him and he grunts. Cut to wider sh*t: the cemetery. Buffy fighting the vamp. He throws a punch which she blocks. Then he spins around, blocks her punch, kicks her in the chest. She does a spin-kick that sends him sprawling. BUFFY: Not bad. How hard you gonna h*t when you're blowin' in the wind? She reaches into her back pocket for a stake. The vamp gets up and att*cks her again. She stakes him just as he's leaping into the air for a kick. He dusts, but the kick lands anyway. Buffy gives a cry and goes flying backward. She flies into a headstone, shattering it and landing on the ground behind it. Buffy lies on the ground groaning in pain. BUFFY: (pouty) That was rhetorical. She goes to get up and winces. BUFFY: Ow. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the Summers house, night. Cut to the bathroom. Buffy enters, wearing a grey bathrobe and moving slowly, sighing. She goes over to the tub and starts the water running, leans over to check the temperature, putting one hand on her back as she bends over. She sighs loudly as she straightens up. SPIKE: (OS) You hurt? You're not moving so well. Buffy sighs and walks toward the sink. Reveal Spike standing in the doorway, wearing black shirt and jeans, no jacket. BUFFY: (standing by the sink, not looking at him) Get out. SPIKE: We have to talk. (closing the door) BUFFY: (turns to look at him) I really don't. SPIKE: Well, this isn't just about you... (pushes the door the rest of the way shut) as much you'd like it to be. Overhead sh*t of the two of them. Spike stands by the door and Buffy by the sink, with about four feet separating them. Buffy crosses her arms over her chest. BUFFY: You spoke. I listened. Now leave. Close on Spike. He sighs a little. SPIKE: (softly) I'm sorry. Not that it matters any more, but I needed you to know that. BUFFY: Why? SPIKE: Because I care about you. BUFFY: Then you might want to try the not sleeping with my friends. SPIKE: I didn't go to Anya for that. I was looking for a spell. BUFFY: (outraged) You were going to use a spell on me? SPIKE: (sighs, exasperated) It wasn't for you! I wanted something . (puts hand on his chest) Anything to make these feelings stop. (angrier) I just wanted it to stop! Buffy looks taken aback. Spike sighs, calms down. SPIKE: (softly) You should have let him k*ll me. BUFFY: (softly) I couldn't do that. SPIKE: Why? BUFFY: (moving back toward the tub) You know why. SPIKE: Because you love me. Buffy bends over the tub, again with one hand on her back. BUFFY: (annoyed) No. I don't. SPIKE: Why do you keep lying to yourself? BUFFY: (whirls around to face him again) How many times- She pauses, composes herself. BUFFY: (calmer) I have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love. SPIKE: (laughing) Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. (Buffy rolling her eyes) Great love is wild ... and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes. BUFFY: Until there's nothing left. Love like that doesn't last. SPIKE: (pacing) I know you feel like I do. You don't have to hide it anymore. BUFFY: (rolling her eyes) Spike, please stop this. SPIKE: (whispers) Let yourself feel it. He moves forward, puts his hands on her waist, pulls her toward him. She resists. BUFFY: No... SPIKE: You love me. BUFFY: Ow, no, stop it. They struggle, Spike trying to kiss and grope Buffy, Buffy trying to push him away. Sound of fabric ripping. Spike's hand is inside Buffy's robe. BUFFY: Spike, no - ow - what are you do- She loses her balance and falls backward toward the tub. Her hand grabs the shower curtain for balance, but it rips off the shower rod and Buffy falls down, hitting her back against the side of the tub. BUFFY: (yelling) Ow! She falls to the floor beside the tub, groaning in pain. Spike gets on top of her, holding her down. He grabs her face and tries to kiss her as she continues trying to fight him off. SPIKE: Let it go. Let yourself love me. He continues saying similar things as Buffy continues saying "no" and "stop" and "ow." Spike pulls at her clothing. Buffy gets onto her stomach and tries to pull herself toward the door, but Spike is on top of her, holding her down, pulling her arms away from the door as she continues yelling and protesting. Close on Spike wearing a determined and wild expression. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene, overhead sh*t of Spike straddling Buffy on the bathroom floor. Buffy continues struggling. BUFFY: (yelling) No, stop it! SPIKE: I know you felt it ... when I was inside you... Close on his hands trying to open her robe. Sound of fabric ripping. Buffy breaks partly free and starts crawling toward the door again. Spike grabs her ankle and pulls her back toward him, flips her over, pins her hands to the floor. BUFFY: No, ow, ow! (sobbing) Please, please, Spike, please... SPIKE: You'll feel it again, Buffy... BUFFY: Please don't do this... SPIKE: I'm gonna make you feel it. He rips the front of her robe open. Buffy screams and struggles against him as he tries to get her robe off. BUFFY: Stop! She gives him one last shove with her Slayer-strength and Spike goes flying backward, crashing into the sink and the wall. Buffy gets to her feet, holding her robe closed with one hand. It's torn so that one of her shoulders is exposed. Spike gets up, panting and staring at her. BUFFY Ask me again why I could never love you. Spike looks like he's just realizing what he was doing. SPIKE: Buffy, my god, I didn't- BUFFY: (angrily) Because I stopped you. (quieter) Something I should have done a long time ago. A tear runs down Buffy's face. Spike stares at her looking horrified. Cut to exterior sh*t of the house. Cut to aerial sh*t of Sunnydale, houses lit up in the dark of night. Cut to exterior sh*t of the Bronze. Cut to inside. Andrew and Jonathan walk beside the bar. Jonathan looks nervous. Andrew holds a glass of something involving fruit and a little paper umbrella. JONATHAN: (looks around nervously) What are we doing here? Somebody might recognize us. (spotting something, sighing in exasperation) Oh, oh, that's just great. sh*t of Warren talking to the woman we saw with another guy before. JONATHAN We're risking everything so that Charles Atlas can get a date? He's going to end up getting us thrown into jail. Or worse. (urgently) Maybe you and I should think about- ANDREW: Warren's the boss. He's Picard, you're Deanna Troi. Get used to the feeling, Betazoid. Andrew walks off. Jonathan stares after him in dismay. Cut to Warren talking with the girl. WARREN: ...the clothes, the cars, and the money ... see, it's all just window dressing. He strokes the side of the girl's face. She doesn't look too thrilled with that. WARREN: Baby, this is what's really important. (holding her hand) Two souls, coming together ... FRANK: (OS) Hey! The girl's boyfriend returns. He gets in Warren's face. He is much larger than Warren. FRANK: She only comes together with me. So get lost, shrimp. (girlfriend looking amused) WARREN: Frankie? Oh my god, is that you? How long has it been? Frank stares down at Warren in confusion. WARREN It's Warren! Remember, Warren, gym class, fifth period? (smiling) You and your jock buddies used to give me such a hard time. (Frank starting to smile) That thing with the underwear? (laughing) God, I thought I'd never stop crying. FRANK: (grinning) That was you? WARREN: (big fake grin) Yeah, that was me! (quieter) But hey, no hard feelings. I mean, I know you were just fooling around. (Frank nodding) Like I'm gonna be with your girl in about five minutes. FRANK: (thr*at) What'd you say? WARREN: You heard me, meathead. Take a walk. FRANK: Oh, you're d*ad, you little- Frank grabs Warren by the shoulders to shove him away, but can't budge him. Frank frowns, tries several times to push Warren away, but he can't. WARREN: This ain't high school. Warren shoves Frank in the chest with one hand, and Frank flies backward, crashing into some people. The girlfriend looks alarmed. GUY: Frankie! Another large guy moves toward Warren. Warren turns to face him. As the guy throws a punch, Warren grabs his wrist, immobilizing it, then jerks it to the side, breaking the arm. The guy falls to the floor. Warren turns to find the girl, just as she starts running away. Warren sighs in annoyance. Another guy hits Warren in the back with a chair. The chair shatters. The guy stares at the pieces in surprise as Warren turns around to face him. Warren backhands the guy and he flies across the bar-top and off the other side. Andrew watches this casually, sipping his fruity drink. WARREN Let's party. In the background a couple of people go to help the injured guys. Warren strolls forward, clasps Andrew's arm briefly, walks right past Jonathan without even acknowledging him. He goes over to the bar where a bunch of pretty women are sitting, watching him. WARREN: Oh, don't worry about the tab, now, ladies. It's on daddy tonight. He slams his fist down on the cash register, causing the drawer to open. Warren reaches across to take out some money. Angle on the door of the men's restroom as Xander emerges, pauses when he catches sight of Warren. Warren turns away from the cash register with a handful of money. WARREN: Don't worry, babies. (moves toward the women) Daddy's gonna give you some too. XANDER: (walking up) See now, I think it's the daddy thing that's throwing her. (Jonathan hiding his face) 'Cause incest , not that sexy. Xander and Warren get in each other's faces as Andrew watches and Jonathan covers his face with his hand. JONATHAN: Aw, crap. XANDER: So, uh, why don't we leave the ladies to their impending nausea and move the freakshow outside, whaddaya say? WARREN: (nodding) Okay. But lemme ask you something first. (quietly) You think maybe you could put in a word for me with that Anya chick? 'Cause if she's taking it from a vamp ... (smirking) I think I might have a chance . Xander punches Warren square in the face. Warren barely even moves. Xander clutches his hand in pain. WARREN: No wonder she's screwing a d*ad guy. You h*t like a girl. XANDER: (painfully) Well, at least I know how to get one. Warren scowls angrily, punches Xander. Xander flies backward across the room, lands on the floor on his back. People exclaiming, gasping, etc. Xander lies on the floor groaning in pain. Warren walks quickly toward him, shoving a pool table out of the way as if it were nothing. Xander is bleeding from the nose, blood running down his face. WARREN: Let's see how popular you are without a face. Jonathan hurries over andgrabs Warren's arm. JONATHAN: Warren, we have to go. WARREN: We go when I'm ready. JONATHAN: (very nervous) Hey, it's your call, but ... (showing Warren his watch) we're gonna miss that thing you wanted to do tonight (Warren sighing, exasperated) if we don't leave right now. That's all I'm saying. Warren sighs and nods reluctantly. He bends over a little to address Xander. WARREN: It's your lucky night, Shemp. ANDREW: We're just gonna leave him there? What if he sics the Slayer on us? WARREN: Bring her on. Warren turns and walks off. Andrew follows casually. Jonathan makes a little apologetic hand-gesture at Xander, and follows the others. Cut to: Summers house, foyer. The door opens and Xander enters, his face still bloody. XANDER: (calls) Buffy? I found Warren. He glances around. XANDER Actually, my face kinda found him- He stops as he sees Spike's leather jacket hanging on the banister. Xander strides over to it, picks it up. His expression is grim as he starts up the stairs. Cut to the bathroom. Xander bursts in holding the jacket. XANDER: This what you call not seeing Spike anymore- He pauses as he sees Buffy. She's sitting on the floor looking very upset. XANDER: What did he do? Close on Buffy's legs. Her robe hangs loosely and one thigh is exposed, with a big ugly bruise on the inside of the thigh. XANDER: Did he hurt you? BUFFY: (sighing, shaking her head) He tried. He didn't... XANDER: Son of a bitch. (turns to storm out) BUFFY: (softly) Don't. Xander stops in the doorway. BUFFY: (tearfully) Please, just ... don't. Xander stares at her in concern. A loud door-slamming noise from downstairs makes them both jump. Willow rushes in, smiling. WILLOW: Hey, I think we finally have something- She pauses, seeing Xander's bloody face and Buffy's bruised condition. Buffy quickly pulls her robe down to hide the bruise on her leg. WILLOW: What happened? BUFFY: Nothing. Xander looks down at Buffy as she composes herself. BUFFY: What'd you find out? Cut to the dining room, a little later. Buffy, now dressed, sits at the table with Willow and Tara. Xander stands nearby holding an ice pack against his face. The table is covered with the papers and books from the Geek lair, plus Willow's computer. WILLOW: We were able to decipher pretty much everything except these. Willow holds a set of papers with weird symbols on them. TARA: It isn't written in any ancient language we could identify. XANDER: (chuckling) It's Klingon. They're love poems. (catching himself, embarrassed) Which has nothing to do with the insidious scheme you're about to describe. BUFFY: What do you got for me that doesn't rhyme? TARA: Um, this. (holding up a CD-ROM) WILLOW: It was filled with encoded blueprints and schematics. (handing Buffy a pile of papers) BUFFY: To what? TARA: Um, banks, armored car routes, corporate vaults ... This is big. WILLOW: They're looking to score some serious dinero. We don't think they're planning just one job. XANDER: Spree, anyone? BUFFY: I, I can't cover all of these at once. WILLOW: You don't have to. We think there's one they may h*t tonight. TARA: It's time sensitive. XANDER: Be careful. Warren's gone all Mighty Mouse. Emphasis on the might. BUFFY: Good. Then I won't have to hold back. Cut to Spike's crypt. The door bursts open and Spike rushes in, still without his leather coat. Flash to the earlier scene of Buffy protesting and struggling. Flash back to now. Spike closes his eyes and clenches his jaw, looking pained. The sound of Buffy crying and begging continues. Flash to the bathroom again. Buffy struggling and crying. Flash back to now. Spike strides across the room and picks up a bottle of alcohol and a glass. He pours, puts the bottle down, drinks. Flash to the bathroom. Spike on top of Buffy, pinning her down. SPIKE: I'm gonna make you feel it. Flash to now. The glass shatters in Spike's hand. He stares at it, lowers his hand slowly. CLEM (OS): Uh ... knock knock? Reveal Clem standing in the doorway holding a paper bucket of fast-food. He waves tentatively. CLEM: I was just in the neighborhood so I thought, you know... Clem walks into the room. Spike stares at the floor sullenly. CLEM: ...there's a Nightrider marathon on the TV, so, uh... (holding up bucket) I got hot wings! SPIKE: (shakily) What have I done? b*at. Spike frowns, looks bemused. SPIKE: Why *didn't* I do it? (looks up at the ceiling, sighs) What has she done to me? CLEM: She done who? (Spike waves his hand dismissively) Ohh. The Slayer, huh? Gosh. (shaking head) She break up with you again? SPIKE: We were never together. Not really. She'd never lower herself that far. CLEM: She's a sweet girl, Spike, but hey. Whew. Issues. (Spike giving a sarcastic grin) And no wonder, with the whole coming back from the grave and whatnot. Hey, I had this cousin, who got resurrected by some kooky shaman... (chuckles) Whoo-boy! Was that a mess. SPIKE: (desperate) Why do I feel this way? CLEM: (shrugs) Love's a funny thing. SPIKE: Is that what this is? (Clem looking uncertain) I can feel it. Squirming in my head. (puts hand to his head) CLEM: Love? SPIKE: The chip. Gnawing bits and chunks. Spike puts his fingers against his head as if he's trying to dig his way into his skull. CLEM: Uhh ... maybe a wet cloth? SPIKE: You know, everything used to be so clear. Slayer. Vampire. Vampire kills Slayer, sucks her dry, picks his teeth with her bones. It's always been that way. I've tasted the life of two Slayers. But with Buffy... (grimacing in anguish) It isn't supposed to be this way! He grabs a piece of furniture and shoves it over, with accompanying crashing noises. SPIKE: (angrily) It's the chip! Steel and wires and silicon. (sighs) It won't let me be a monster. (quietly) And I can't be a man. I'm nothing. CLEM: Hey. Come on now, Mr. Negative. You never know what's just around the corner. Things change. SPIKE: Yeah, they do. Spike gives a bitter sarcastic laugh. Clem looks at him, kind of helpless. Then something occurs to Spike. His grin turns nasty. SPIKE: If you make them. Cut to: an amusement park, shut down for the night. A banner reads "Opening Weekend!" Pan across closed concession stands, to a large stone gate with lettering over the archway reading "WILD RIVER ADVENTURE." Pan further to reveal two men standing beside an armored truck. One man wears a security uniform, the other a dark suit. They check something on a clipboard, and then the security guard puts two bags into the back of the truck. A second guard comes around from the other side of the truck. GUARD #1: All right, that's the last one. Guard #1 takes the clipboard from the guy in the suit, and signs it. Guard #2 is closing the truck. GUARD #1 Quite a haul, huh? (gives back the clipboard) SUIT: Always the biggest gate of the year. GUARD #1: Yeah. SUIT: Don't lose any. GUARD #1: Yeah. The suit guy takes the clipboard and walks off. Cut to the front of the truck. Guard #2 is at the wheel as Guard #1 climbs into the passenger seat and shuts the door. GUARD #2: Wanna grab a bite after? (Guard #1 nodding) I think Ruby's is still open. Guard #2 puts his foot on the gas pedal, but nothing happens. Close on Warren at the back of the truck. Wider sh*t of Warren lifting one rear corner of the truck off the ground. Close sh*t on the right rear wheel, spinning in the air. Cut back to the cab. GUARD #2: What the hell? Another sh*t of the spinning wheel. Reveal Andrew and Jonathan, both wearing black turtlenecks with black zipper jackets over them. In the cab, the guards slide toward the side of the truck as Warren tilts it further. GUARD #1: There's something back there! Warren continues lifting. ANDREW: Man, I can't wait to get my hands on his orbs. Warren shoves the truck over onto its side. JONATHAN: (sarcastic) Yeah, I'm sure he'll be giving 'em up any second now. Warren rips the rear door off the truck. BUFFY: (OS) Hey. Reveal Buffy standing on top of the overturned truck. BUFFY: Is this your bank? Warren stares up at her. BUFFY: 'Cause if not, there's gonna be a fee for that. She starts to leap down at Warren. He reacts, puts up his arms and catches her as she falls toward him. He throws her backward over his head. She lands on the ground several yards away, and gets up again. WARREN: (striding toward her) I was wondering when Super Bitch would show up. BUFFY: You really got a problem with strong women, don't you? WARREN: Nothing I can't handle. Buffy ducks his first swing, the second catches her in the face. Warren blocks her punch, holds her arm and hits her with his other hand. They exchange a few blows and Buffy goes down. WARREN You seem a little off. This a bad day? BUFFY: (gets up) It's getting better. She lands several strong kicks in a row, grabs Warren and flips over him, kicks him from behind. He goes down and immediately rolls back to his feet. Buffy grabs the large metal door that Warren ripped off the truck, and hits him with it. He stumbles into the stone gate, hard. Bits of plaster dust fall on his head. WARREN: That all you got? He looks up a moment too late as the stone gate collapses, a pile of stone and rubble falling right on Warren's head, engulfing him. ANDREW: (screams) No! Jonathan stares in dismay. Buffy looks over at the other two geeks. BUFFY: There's two ways this can end. And right now? I'm thinking they're both gonna hurt. Andrew suddenly starts to smile. ANDREW: I think you're right. Buffy turns around to see Warren emerging from the rubble. WARREN: What's the matter baby? You never fight a real man before? Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. Warren lands two strong punches on Buffy before she ducks the third and kicks him. He blocks her swing, lands several more punches. Buffy grabs his hand and twists around, holding Warren's arm behind him and kicking him in the stomach. She ducks another punch and kicks him. He falls against the overturned armored truck. Buffy watches as Warren pulls himself upright again. WARREN: Wow. That almost hurt, kitten. Buffy kicks him and punches him several times, with little effect. Warren grabs her and slams down on her arm. Buffy makes an expression of pain. Warren kicks her backward, grabs her again. ANDREW: k*ll her! k*ll her! Jonathan stares from the fight to Andrew and back, looking alarmed. Warren continues beating on Buffy. He gets her legs out from under her and she goes down. WARREN: You know who I am? Huh, Slayer? BUFFY: You're a m*rder. (getting up) WARREN: Well, that too, but more to the point- Buffy swings at him, he blocks the punch and backhands her. WARREN I'm the guy that b*at you. Again she swings, again he blocks and hits her. Buffy reels backward, looking shocked. WARREN: And it's not the muscles, baby. He kicks her backward. WARREN: It's the brains. BUFFY: I'll remember that when I knock 'em clean out of your- Suddenly Jonathan leaps onto Buffy from behind, grabbing her around the neck. Buffy grunts and stumbles forward, trying to pry him off. WARREN: (amused) Whoa! Sparky, I didn't think you had it in you. Close on Jonathan and Buffy struggling. Jonathan mutters into Buffy's ear through gritted teeth. JONATHAN: (quietly to Buffy) The orbs! Smash his orbs. Buffy throws him off. He lands on the ground and rolls away as Warren att*cks again. Buffy blocks a couple of punches, but then Warren lands one that sends her falling against a park bench. The bench breaks into pieces. Warren strides over as Buffy is still lying in the wreckage of the bench. WARREN: Say good night, bitch. Warren pulls his fist back for a final punch. This pulls his jacket back, revealing the pouch on his belt. Buffy sees it. Before Warren can move, she lunges forward, grabs the pouch, and slams it against the ground. Blue light flashes, suffusing Warren, then leaving him and sh**ting toward the smashed orbs. Warren looks dazed. Buffy stands up. BUFFY: Good night, bitch. She does a serious spin-kick that sends Warren flying back and tumbling to the ground near his comrades. He climbs slowly to his feet, looking scared. BUFFY: (advancing) You're nothing but a sad little boy, Warren. But it's time you grow up, and pay for what you've done. WARREN: (panting) Get away from me! He pulls off his jacket, revealing an apparatus strapped to his body, including a pair of silvery t*nk on his back. WARREN I swear to god I'm gonna take you down. You piece of... Buffy stares in disbelief as Warren pulls a switch and the jet-pack activates, lifting him straight up into the air. BUFFY: (sighing, almost whining) Oh, come *on.* sh*t of Warren still sh**ting up into the sky. sh*t of the other two nerds. Jonathan is watching Warren go, shocked. Andrew stares calmly at Buffy. ANDREW: Well played, Slayer! Andrew pulls off his jacket, revealing an identical jet-pack. Buffy can't believe it. JONATHAN: (whines) Why didn't I get one of those?! ANDREW: (to Buffy) This round to you. But the game is far from over. Andrew activates his jet-pack and lifts off as Buffy and Jonathan stare. But Andrew was standing underneath a roof overhang. He hits it with his head, hard, and falls to the ground unconscious. Jonathan stares apprehensively at Buffy. Sound of police sirens. Cut to: exterior police station. A car with its siren wailing and lights flashing pulls up and stops. The driver and his partner get out, open the rear doors and take out Andrew and Jonathan, both handcuffed. The cops begin leading them inside. JONATHAN: (furious) Jet packs. You jerks were setting me up to take the fall. ANDREW: (upset) He left me. He flew away and left me. They enter the police station, go down some steps and into a lobby area. Various cops and handcuffed prisoners are moving about, etc. Andrew and Jonathan pause and stand there looking around. Andrew is crying. JONATHAN: Oh god. The Big House. AUDREW: (crying) How could he do this to me? He promised we'd be together, but ... he was just using me. He never really loved- (catching himself) ...hanging out with us. The cops lead them over to a bench and sit them down. ANDREW: You think he'll come back for us? I mean ... he wouldn't just take off, would he? Jonathan gives him a look of contempt. Cut to: a highway somewhere, night. The lights of Sunnydale are visible in the distance. Spike rides up on his motorcycle, cigarette in his mouth. He stops and looks over at the city. SPIKE: Get nice and comfy, Slayer. I'll be back. And when I do ... things are gonna change. He tosses his cigarette onto the ground and rides off. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the Summers house, day. Cut to Willow and Tara's bedroom. They are standing by the mirror as Willow finishes buttoning up her blouse. It's white and frilly. Tara is also fully dressed. WILLOW: Hey. Clothes. TARA: Better not get used to 'em. WILLOW: Hmm, yes ma'am. Willow grabs Tara's belt loop and pulls her in for a kiss. Then they hug. Tara smiles happily. Then spots something over Willow's shoulder. TARA: Mmmm... Xander! WILLOW: (pulling out of the hug) Okay, not quite the response I was fishing for. TARA: No, he's here. Tara goes to look out the window. We can see Buffy below in the backyard, and Xander walking up behind her. WILLOW: (opening a dresser drawer) Think they're making up? TARA: (turning from the window, smiling at her) I hope so, that's the best part. Cut to the backyard. Buffy has a stick and is using it to poke at the bushes and weeds. Xander comes up behind her, looking awkward. It's a beautiful sunny day. XANDER: Time for the Spring Poking already? BUFFY: (turns to see him) Just making sure there are no more Evil Trio cameras. Or Evil Uno. XANDER: The sinister yet addictive card game? BUFFY: Warren. Jonathan and Andrew got clinked, but ... Warren pulled a Rocket Man. XANDER: You'll find him. He won't be much good without his friends. BUFFY: (softly) No, he won't. They both move to sit side-by-side on a wooden bench. Xander fidgets uncomfortably, then takes a deep breath. XANDER: How did we get here? BUFFY: Scenic route. Long drive. XANDER: The past few weeks... BUFFY: I know. XANDER: I thought I h*t bottom, but ... it hurt. That you didn't trust me enough to tell me about Spike. (pauses, softly) It hurt. BUFFY: I'm sorry. I should have told you. XANDER: (small smile) Maybe you would have, if I hadn't given you so many reasons to think I'd be an ass about it. BUFFY: Guess we've all done a lot of things lately we're not proud of. XANDER: (slightly larger smile) I think I've got you b*at. BUFFY: Wanna compare? XANDER: Not so much. b*at. They smile tentatively at each other. XANDER I don't know what I'd do ... without you and Will. BUFFY: (teary) Let's not find out. Xander nods. They hug. BUFFY I love you. You know that, right? Xander spots something over Buffy's shoulder and his eyes widen in alarm. XANDER: Buffy! Reveal a very angry Warren striding toward them, fast. He still wears the all-black outfit from last night. Buffy and Xander jump up, turn to face him. WARREN: You think you can just do that to me? You think I'd let you get away with that? (laughs crazily) Think again. Suddenly he raises a g*n and fires wildly at them. Buffy frantically shoves Xander down. He tumbles to the ground. Warren runs off, f*ring wildly into the air over his shoulder as he goes. Closeup of one b*llet shattering a window. sh*t of Willow still standing by the dresser, smiling. Suddenly, redness splatters across her white blouse. She looks surprised. sh*t of Tara still standing with her back to the window, looking surprised. There's a large red spot on Tara's chest, right over her heart. TARA: (frowning) Your shirt. Tara falls forward. WILLOW: (shocked, rushing forward) Tara? Cut to the backyard. Xander gets up, brushes himself off. XANDER: Sweet fancy Moses! Where the hell did he- Xander stops, looking to his left. Pan quickly over to Buffy, lying on the ground on her back, staring upward. XANDER: Oh god! Cut to the bedroom. Tara lies on the floor. Willow grabs her shoulders. WILLOW: (desperate) Tara?! Baby? Willow rolls Tara over, pulling her onto her lap. Tara lies limp in Willow's arms. WILLOW: (sobbing) Baby, come on! Get up! Cut to the backyard. Buffy has a red spot in almost the same place as Tara's. Xander kneels over her, holding her shoulders. Her eyes close, then slowly open again. XANDER: (desperate) Oh god. Buffy? Buffy! Buffy! Xander presses his hands against the wound, making more blood well out. Cut to the bedroom. Willow cries harder as Tara continues not responding. Willow rocks back and forth holding Tara in her lap. WILLOW: No... no... (crying) sh*t of Buffy lying on the ground staring blankly at the sky as Xander continues trying to stop the bleeding. Close sh*t on Tara's face and the b*llet hole in her chest. Willow lifts her head and bares her teeth. Her face is wet with tears and her eyes are completely black ... then they go completely red. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x19 - Seeing Red"}

foreverdreaming

Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you really want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. DO NOT POST MY TRANSCRIPT ON YOUR SITE WITHOUT MY NAME ON IT! • I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Spike and Buffy in the graveyard. SPIKE: Why won't you sleep with me again? BUFFY: Because I don't love you. Willow and Tara in the bedroom. WILLOW: See? Clothes. TARA: Better not get used to 'em. WILLOW: Yes ma'am. Willow and Tara kissing. Warren and Buffy fighting. WARREN: Say goodnight, bitch. Buffy smashing the orbs. Warren losing his powers. BUFFY: Goodnight, bitch. Buffy kicking Warren. Buffy and Spike struggling in the bathroom. SPIKE: I'm gonna make you feel it! BUFFY: Stop! Buffy kicking Spike across the room. BUFFY: Ask me again why I could never love you. Spike on his motorcycle. SPIKE: Get nice and comfy, Slayer. I'll be back. And when I do ... things are gonna change. Spike riding off into the night. Warren storming into Buffy's backyard. Buffy and Xander reacting. WARREN: You think you can just do that to me? You think I'd let you get away with that? Think again. Warren sh**ting at them. Xander falling to the ground. The window shattering. Willow with blood on her shirt. Tara falling down. WILLOW: Tara?! Xander looking at the injured Buffy. WILLOW: Tara! Baby! XANDER: Buffy! Willow crying over Tara's body. Willow with her eyes going black and then red. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on a close sh*t of the flashing lights on top of an ambulance. Sound of the ambulance siren. Pan down to reveal the two male paramedics in the ambulance as it drives down the street. It slows and stops. The horn honks. The paramedics get out, run to the back of the ambulance and begin taking out equipment. XANDER: (OS) She's in the back. Xander comes running around from behind the house. He has the cordless phone in his hand and blood all over his shirt. XANDER: This way! He runs back toward the rear again, with the paramedics following. PARAMEDIC 1: She was sh*t? XANDER: Yeah, in the chest. PARAMEDIC #2: Accidental? XANDER: No no, it was a ... He was trying to k*ll her. They reach Buffy who still lies on the grass unmoving, her eyes open. The paramedics kneel on either side of her and go to work. Xander watches helplessly. Cut to: close sh*t on Tara still lying in Willow's lap. Sound of Willow crying and breathing heavily. Willow's arms have blood on them, as does her shirt. She gently shakes Tara. WILLOW: (crying) Oh god, oh no. Please, please, come on... (crying) She puts her hands on Tara's face. WILLOW: Come on, Tara! Please, come on, baby... Suddenly the lighting in the room goes dark and blue. Willow looks up, her eyes totally black. Dark blue clouds swirl around the ceiling. Lightning flashes (but only inside the room). WILLOW: By Osiris, I command you, bring her back! More lightning. Cut to close sh*t on Buffy's face, in profile. She closes her eyes and then slowly opens them again. PARAMEDIC #2: Pulse is 100 and weak. Lung sounds are wet. XANDER: What does that mean? Is she going to... PARAMEDIC #1: You need to stand back, okay? If you want us to help her out, we need some space. The paramedics continue working. There's a bandage over Buffy's wound now, soaked with blood. Xander continues watching, putting his bloody hand up to his face. Close on Buffy staring upward with the bloody bandage over her heart. She looks conscious, but just barely. Cut back to Willow's room. The blue clouds continue to swirl. WILLOW: Hear me! Keeper of darkness! Suddenly some of the clouds form into a huge face. It speaks in a deep raspy voice. Lightning flashes around it. DEMON: Witch! How dare you invoke Osiris in this task! WILLOW: (crying) Please. Please, bring her back. DEMON: You may not violate the laws of natural passing. WILLOW: How? How is this natural? DEMON: It is a human death, by human means. WILLOW: But I- DEMON: You raised one k*lled by mystical forces. This is not the same. She is taken by natural order. It is done. WILLOW: (crying) No. There has to be a way. DEMON: It is done. WILLOW: (screams) NOOOO! As she screams, a shimmery column of energy sh**t out of her mouth and at the demon. The demon screams and disappears in a final flash of lightning. Wolf howl, opening credits. Amber Benson (Tara) does not appear in the opening credits; she was there for just one episode ("Seeing Red"). Guest Starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Jeff Kober, and Amelinda Embry. Written by Marti Noxon, directed by David Solomon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the front yard of the house. Buffy is on a gurney being wheeled toward the ambulance. PARAMEDIC #2: (into walkie-talkie) Sunnydale Memorial, do you copy? We have a caucasian female, 21, GSW to the chest. XANDER: Come on, Buff, hang on. We're going to get you to the hospital. Xander spots Willow coming out the front door, looking blankly at Buffy. Willow and Xander both still have blood all over their shirts. XANDER: Willow, god, are you okay? WILLOW: (quietly) How did this happen? XANDER: Warren. He had a g*n. WILLOW: (with a brief flash of anger, then blank again) Warren. XANDER: It went down too fast, I couldn't stop him. Willow isn't listening any more. She's walking away, fast. Xander stops at the edge of the walk. XANDER: Hey. She just keeps walking down the sidewalk. Xander stares after her, confused and shaken. XANDER: Will! PARAMEDIC #1: Sir, we have to go, are you coming with us or not? Xander dithers for a moment, then runs over to the ambulance and climbs in the back. The paramedic closes the doors and heads toward the driver's seat. Cut to: exterior sh*t of the Sunnydale police station. Cut to: a holding cell. It's dark despite being daylight outside. Andrew lies on his back on the top bunk. ANDREW: Think they'll let my aunt bring me my Discman? Pan over to Jonathan, hanging his hands through the bars of the cell. JONATHAN: That's what you're worried about? In-flight entertainment? We're in jail! ANDREW: We're in custody. We haven't been charged yet. (rolling over onto his stomach) JONATHAN: Thank you, Dragnet. (walks toward Andrew, angry) It doesn't matter what they call it, they got us, okay? We're going down. Jonathan lowers his voice, nods toward the next cell. JONATHAN: (quietly) That guy's been looking at me. I think he wants to make me his butt monkey. sh*t of the guy in the next cell, sitting on his bunk. He glances over. ANDREW: (rolling his eyes) Don't flatter yourself. I heard him talking to the guard. He's in here for parking tickets. JONATHAN: That doesn't mean anything! The joint changes you. (whispers) I hear they like the small ones, with little hands like their girlfriends. ANDREW: You have got to chill out. This isn't Oz, it's like, Mayberry. Besides, Warren is going to find a way to get us out of here. JONATHAN: (sarcastic) Yeah. I'm sure he'll be busting us out any minute. ANDREW: He will. He's coming up with a plan. Like, "w*r Games." Remember that decoder that Matthew Broderick used? JONATHAN: (smiling) Oh, yeah. That was rad. The one he made from the scissors and the tape recorder? ANDREW: I miss "Ferris" Matthew. Broadway Matthew? I find him cold. JONATHAN: Really? No, I- (catches himself, exasperated) Shut up! Jonathan goes back to the bars and hangs his arms through them again. JONATHAN: (grimly) This is real life. And nobody's coming to get us. Not even your aunt who won't return your one phone call. ANDREW: (defensively) She must be out of town. JONATHAN: She. Doesn't. Care. And neither does your partner in crime, Warren. ANDREW: Don't say that. And what do you mean, my partner in crime? We're in this together. JONATHAN: (turns back toward Andrew, angry) What do you mean, what do I mean? You two were totally going to fly off and leave me holding the bag. ANDREW: No we weren't! I was going to - (lamely) carry you. (rolls over onto his back and stares at the ceiling) JONATHAN: No, you two were setting me up, and then Warren was going to screw you over too. ANDREW: (rolls over again to face Jonathan, tearful) That is so not true! JONATHAN: Sure. (sits on the bottom bunk) He's a nice m*rder who keeps his word. ANDREW: (softly) You're wrong. He's coming for us. He's out there right now, devising a brilliant way to get us out of here. Cut to: interior of an underground bar. Warren comes down the stairs outside and enters, wearing a slick suit and dark sunglasses. He strides toward the bar. WARREN: Whiskey, straight up. And get a round for the house. I'm feeling expansive. We see that the bartender is a demon. He looks unimpressed by Warren. Warren sits down, removes his shades. A vampire is on the stool next to him, staring at the TV behind the bar. WARREN: (friendly greeting) Hey. Close on the TV, showing a crocodile in water. WARREN: (leaning toward the vamp) Bet you don't get a lot of humans in- The vamp, still glued to the TV, grabs Warren's shoulder and holds him off. VAMPIRE: I'm watching my program. Warren shrugs and straightens up as the vamp lets him go. WARREN: Wouldn't want to interrupt your 'me' time. (loudly) Not even to buy the guy who k*lled the Slayer a drink. sh*t of the other vamps and demons in the bar, all looking over. The one next to Warren is also interested. VAMPIRE: What's that? WARREN: Took her out myself. I've been heading an organization. The Trio? You've heard of us. VAMPIRE: Uh - (exchanging a look with the demon bartender) ...no. Warren pauses briefly, surprised, but then recovers. WARREN: Not important. I cut them loose. I figure, now that Buffy's out of the picture, some things have got to change around here. (to bartender) I need a real g*ng, you know, not a, not a couple of wannabes. BARTENDER: And you k*lled the Slayer? WARREN: With these hands. BARTENDER: What are you, a warlock? WARREN: It's funny you mention that. You know, I've explored all the dark arts ... witchcraft, demonology. You name it, I tried it against the Slayer. But you know what I found *really* works? The vampire and bartender lean in close to hear. WARREN: g*n. VAMPIRE: (small grin) You k*lled the Slayer with a g*n. WARREN: In her own backyard. Don't underestimate science, my friend. Good old-fashioned metal meets propulsion. The demon and vampire start to laugh. Warren laughs along with them. BARTENDER: (to vampire) Man, this is gonna be good. WARREN: (not getting it) Oh, the best. This town is ours. VAMPIRE: Ours, maybe. (everyone stops laughing) You are screwed. They laugh again, but Warren doesn't realize that the others are laughing at him, not with him. sh*t of the other demons and vamps at other tables, also laughing menacingly. BARTENDER: Metal meets propulsion, yeah. But you still better be a good sh*t! More laughter. But Warren is finally cluing in. WARREN: This isn't the evil laugh of victory, is it. VAMPIRE: More like the evil laugh of "you're a d*ad man." (more laughter) WARREN: (totally rattled) Okay, uh ... what, what's the joke? BARTENDER: (laughing) It was just on the news. Girl was sh*t. VAMPIRE: (grinning) In her back yard. BARTENDER: She survived. She's in the hospital Warren looks surprised and a little alarmed. The others continue laughing. BARTENDER: Slayers heal fast. Real fast. VAMPIRE: Yeah. I was gonna eat you myself during the commercial, but now I think it'll be more fun to let the Slayer de-gut you. Warren now looks pretty scared. VAMPIRE: Might want to get a head start, my friend. 'Cause this girl is gonna be coming for you, big time. (chuckling) Cut to: interior magic shop, day. The door suddenly slams open and Willow appears in the doorway. She marches inside. Lamps and light fixtures explode as she walks past them. Reveal Anya behind the counter, staring. ANYA: Willow. WILLOW: Where do you keep the black arts books? ANYA: Something terrible has happened, I know. But you don't have to do- WILLOW: (staring up at the loft bookshelves) I need power. ANYA: (coming out from behind the counter) Not with those books. I can't let you. Willow! Willow puts up a hand. Magic purple bolts of light sh**t over to Anya and suddenly she can't move. Willow gestures with her head. All the books on the loft shelves begin to fly off the shelves and onto the table, landing heaped all over the table. The last book lands opened to a middle page. Anya stares in alarm. Willow walks over to the table and looks down. sh*t of the open book with the pages covered in tiny writing. Willow lifts her hands and puts them on the open pages. Her hands sink into the book as if melding with it. The words of the book start to move off the pages and up her arms, curling and scrolling up under her sleeves. We see the words also coming up her chest, and moving up her shoulders to her face. She lifts her head and her eyes are black again. The words move to the top of her head and into her hair, turning her hair black. Willow lifts her hands off the book. We see that the pages are now blank. Anya stares. Close on Willow's face with eyes completely magic-black and her hair also dark black and moving in a nonexistent wind. WILLOW: That's better. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Summers house, foyer, day. The door is still standing open. Dawn walks up to it and goes inside, looking around a little nervously. DAWN: (calls) Buffy? Silence. She puts down her schoolbag and jacket, starts up the stairs. Cut to upstairs hallway. Dawn finishes climbing the stairs. DAWN: Buffy? She turns toward Willow's bedroom. DAWN: Hey. Hello? Uh, (pointing toward downstairs) the door was... She pauses. sh*t of the bedroom from Dawn's POV. On the other side of the bed we can just barely see something (Tara's foot). DAWN: Tara? Pan in closer to reveal Tara's lifeless body lying there with the b*llet wound in her chest. Dawn stares in complete horror. Fade to white. Fade to a door. It opens, revealing Rack (see episode "Wrecked"). RACK: All right, who's next? Reveal a couple of magic "junkies" sitting in the waiting room. Also Warren. He leaps up out of his chair. WARREN: I am. One of the other junkies looks upset, like Warren is cutting in line. Warren walks quickly over to Rack, who looks him up and down. JUNKIE: Hey. RACK: You're new. WARREN: Yeah. (holds up a large wad of cash) And I come bearing d*ad presidents, so you think we can just skip the small talk? Rack smiles a little, gestures toward the room behind him. Warren walks in. Rack closes the door behind them with a loud noise that makes Warren jump. RACK: How'd you find me? WARREN: I talked to a guy. He's one of your regulars. Offered to show me the way for twenty bucks. RACK: Should have haggled. Most of my customers'll bring you here for five. WARREN: (impatiently) Great, great I'll file that away. Look, I'm in a bit of a situation here. I tried to do us all a favor, and eliminate the Slayer, but it ... I... Warren seems a little unnerved by the way Rack is just staring at him. WARREN: I guess it didn't take. RACK: (walking closer) k*lling a Slayer, that's big business for a kid. WARREN: I'm not a kid. RACK: (now in Warren's personal space) Okay. WARREN: I had my own guys. The Trio, yeah, you've heard of us. RACK: Right. What were you, a band or something? WARREN: I thought word traveled in the underworld. You know, we were evil. Robots were my thing. (Rack looking blank) You didn't hear about the freeze ray? RACK: (shakes his head) Sorry. So why aren't your guys helping you? WARREN: Look, I thought this was a cash for service gig, not an interview process, all right? I need protection. I've got the Slayer after me. RACK: (moving away) Slayer is the least of your problems. WARREN: You're right. Let's talk about my skin troubles. You know, I'd say on the scale of problems, that she ranks! RACK: If I were you, I'd be worried about the witch. WARREN: (surprised) Witch? W-which witch? RACK: Willow. Slayer's pal? (walking closer again) She's the new power, man, anybody with intuition can feel it. She's going to blow this town apart . (now right in Warren's face) Starting ... with you. WARREN: Me? What did I, what did I do to her? O-okay, okay, I, I sh*t her friend... Rack isn't totally listening any more, looks like he's in pain, turns away. RACK: (painfully) I feel death. WARREN: But the Slayer's alive. And - and she heals. RACK: She might, but somebody's stone cold, and that ... is why the witch wants your head. She can sense your essence right now, man. It's just a matter of time before she finds you. Warren panicks, lunges forward and pushes the whole wad of money into Rack's hand. WARREN: All right. Take it. All right, there's that, and I can get more. Just give me something. Rack looks at the money casually. RACK: Hide or fight? WARREN: Both. All of it. I, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve, but it's not enough. I need, I need a cover, and I need lots of f*re power. RACK: I can't guarantee anything. Not this time. (softly) The girl is running on pure fury. I've never felt anything like it. (small grin) WARREN: Thank you for the tip, Nostradamus. Just load me up, okay? Cut to: Sunnydale hospital. Xander stands in the hallway looking through a window into another room, anxious. A nurse in full scrubs goes past him, holding a small tray. The camera follows her as she goes around a corner and through a door into the room Xander is watching. We see various medical personnel working on Buffy, talking indistinctly. A machine beeps steadily. NURSE: ...standing by. A doctor is working on the wound in Buffy's chest. DOCTOR: We've got to stop that bleeding. NURSE #1: Where? DOCTOR: Over by the left ventricle. NURSE #2: (looking at monitors) BP is down to 80/palp. Close on Buffy as the doctor and Nurse #1 work on her. DOCTOR: We got more bleeding. NURSE #2: BP is... Suddenly all the lights flicker and the machines blink off and on again. The steady beeping begins to speed up. The doctor and nurses look up in confusion. NURSE #1: What's happening? Angle on the other side of the room as Willow comes into view. We see Xander through the window in background. WILLOW: Leave. Xander sees her, hurries toward the side and out of view. The doctor and nurses turn to look at Willow. She is now wearing all black, her hair and eyes still black too. The lights in the room continue flashing erratically and the beeping continues to speed up. Xander rushes in, looks with surprise at Willow with her newly black hair and eyes. XANDER: Willow. WILLOW: (ignoring him, speaking to the medical staff) Now. The doctor and three nurses move toward the door. The beeping gets even faster and becomes a steady whine. XANDER: Will, what are you doing?! She's going to die. WILLOW: No she isn't. Willow moves over to Buffy, stands beside her and stares down at her. The beep/whine continues. Xander stares. Close on Buffy. Suddenly the b*llet lifts up out of her chest and floats up into the air, hovering at Willow's eye-level. Willow looks at it. The beeping stops. WILLOW: It's so small. She puts out her hand and plucks the b*llet out of the air, brings her hand back toward her. When she opens her hand, the b*llet is gone. Xander takes a few steps closer, staring in awe. Buffy slowly comes to, opens her eyes and lifts her head. The lights come back on. BUFFY: What happened? XANDER: Buffy! Xander rushes over to her as she sits up. XANDER: Oh my god, are you okay? BUFFY: (confused) Sure. How'd I get here? Xander hugs her in relief. Willow just watches. XANDER: You've got to stop doing this. This dying thing's funny once, maybe twice. Buffy looks over at Willow. BUFFY: Willow? WILLOW: (very small smile) Buffy. Hey. BUFFY: What's wrong? WILLOW: I'll explain. But we've gotta go. She starts to move toward the door. Xander and Buffy watch her, confused. BUFFY: Why? WILLOW: (not turning back) It's time to find Warren. Willow walks to the door and exits the room. Buffy and Xander exchange a look. Cut to: a ticket counter somewhere. Indistinct announcements over a loudspeaker. A woman in a uniform hands Warren a ticket folder. WARREN: This'll get me all the way to the border? CLERK: You'll have to change to the city bus. It's all in the folder. She turns back to her work, then gives Warren a look as if wondering why he's still there. Warren suddenly turns quickly away, walks outside. Cut to the street as Warren exits. A bunch of buses are lined up along the curb. Warren looks around, sees his bus, climbs on. Cut to: a highway, daylight. It's fairly deserted with mostly desert on each side. A single car speeds along. Cut to the interior of the car. Xander is driving, Buffy in the passenger seat and Willow in back. Willow's eyes are back to normal but her hair is still black. WILLOW: Faster. XANDER: I'm going as fast as I- WILLOW: Faster! Close on the gas pedal as it slams down under Xander's foot. The car speeds up. XANDER: Will, would you cut that out? If you wanted to drive... BUFFY: We need to stop. I don't like this. WILLOW: We're close. I can feel him. BUFFY: And we'll catch him, and he'll go to jail. Look, I'm finding the whole getting sh*t very motivating. But you're using magic. WILLOW: If I wasn't, you'd be d*ad. (Xander looking upset) BUFFY: Maybe. But this isn't right. Okay, this isn't how I want it. WILLOW: Sometimes you don't have a choice. XANDER: I think Buffy gets the tie-breaker on this one. She was the one on the ouchy end of the b*llet. BUFFY: Will, you do have a choice. This isn't good for you. XANDER: You made the decision to stop for a reason. You promised us. And can I just ask, what's with the make-over of the damned? I mean, the hair...! Willow isn't really listening; she's looking around. Now she suddenly sits up. WILLOW: Turn right! Go! Xander looks in front of him, seeing nothing. XANDER: Go - where? WILLOW: Over there! Now! XANDER: (looking in confusion) Will. WILLOW: Turn. The wheel turns itself under Xander's hands. The car screeches off the road onto dirt, zooming between scraggly bushes and such. XANDER: (holding up his hands) Fine, fine! Puppetmaster wants to drive? Go right ahead! The car continues to bounce along on the uneven surface. Finally it comes to a stop, right before another stretch of paved highway. Willow jumps out of the car and begins to stride across the highway. Buffy and Xander follow more slowly, confused. BUFFY: Willow, wait! WILLOW: Stay back. Willow gestures at them and more bolts of purple-black energy sh**t over to them, immobilizing them like Anya earlier. Willow keeps walking. Now we see the bus coming over a rise toward her. She stops, standing in the middle of the road, and glares at the bus. Close on the bus driver as the steering wheel suddenly starts doing its own thing. He struggles to control it but can't. The bus speeds toward Willow, who stands there calmly. Close on the bus driver's foot as the brake pedal pushes down underneath his foot. He continues wrestling with the wheel. The bus starts to slow down. All the passengers (including Warren) are thrown around in their seats. Screeching of tires. The bus slams to a stop just a foot or so in front of Willow. Willow walks around to the side. The bus door opens on its own. WILLOW: Get out. All the bus passengers are craning their necks, trying to see what's going on. Warren gets up, walks down the aisle and down the steps out of the bus. Willow grabs him by the neck, lifts him off the ground. Her eyes are black again. WARREN: Please. I'll-I'll do anything. Horrible cracking noise as Willow starts to squeeze his neck. Suddenly one of his eyes pops out, revealing metal and wiring and sparks. Willow lets go and Warren falls over motionless on the ground. Buffy and Xander come running over. They stop and stare. sh*t of the eyeball rolling around on the ground. WILLOW: (surprised) It's a robot. They look at her. WILLOW: (confused) I, I could feel his essence. Buffy looks sympathetic. But then Willow turns angry again. WILLOW: He tricked me. (starts to walk) We'll find him another way. BUFFY: (turning to follow) And then what? WILLOW: And then we'll k*ll him. Buffy grabs Willow's arm and stops her, turns her around. BUFFY: Okay, you need to calm down. WILLOW: Calm down? BUFFY: Look, you're angry. I, I am too. There's no excuse for what Warren did, but that- WILLOW: He sh*t Tara. Buffy and Xander stare at her, speechless. WILLOW: When he sh*t you, he h*t her too. Upstairs in my room. BUFFY: Oh my god. WILLOW: Guess the last sh*t was the charm. XANDER: She's d*ad? WILLOW: She's d*ad. Now he's d*ad too. BUFFY: (very upset) Oh my god ... (whispers) Tara... XANDER: Christ, Will, how come you didn't say anything? WILLOW: I'm busy. Willow starts toward the car again. Buffy again grabs her and stops her. BUFFY: W-Willow, please, just stop. Willow stares at her coldly. BUFFY: We love you. And Tara. But we don't k*ll humans. It's not the way. WILLOW: How can you say that? Tara is d*ad. BUFFY: I know ... I know. And I ... can't understand ... anything. Not what happened ... a-and not what you must be going through. Willow, if you do this, you let Warren destroy you too. XANDER: You said it yourself, Will ... the magic's too strong, there's no coming back from it. WILLOW: I'm not coming back. Yet again Willow starts to walk off and Buffy grabs her, stops her. BUFFY: Will, please. Please, we'll get through this together. WILLOW: We won't! Not your way. BUFFY: Please, just- WILLOW: No! No more talking. It's done! She turns away again, this time gesturing behind her. Another bolt of purple magic flies backward, knocking Buffy and Xander off their feet. They fall to the ground in a heap. Willow continues walking. Buffy and Xander sit up, brushing themselves off. They look up toward the car. Willow is gone. Just empty highway and the car. They look around, look at each other. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Overhead sh*t of Sunnydale. The sun is setting and lights are coming on. Fade to exterior of the Summers house. The front door is still open. Buffy and Xander walk up the steps, go cautiously inside. BUFFY: Willow? Dawn? They move off -- Buffy left into the living room, Xander right into the dining room. The camera stays still, looking from the porch in through the door at the stairway and the hallway to the kitchen. Xander reappears, returning to the foyer. XANDER: Maybe she went to the hospital to find you. Buffy rejoins him. BUFFY: I left there hours ago. She'd be back by now. They look toward the stairs. Cut to upstairs. Buffy and Xander are going in and out of the various doors. BUFFY: Dawn? Buffy pauses at the open door to Willow's room open. Looks inside with an expression of dread. Walks inside. Reveal Tara's body, still lying there in a pool of blood, speckled with moonlight and shadows. BUFFY: (whispers) Oh god. DAWN: (O.S., softly) I didn't ... want to leave her alone. Buffy turns and finds Dawn huddled in a little ball, in a corner formed by the wall and a side-table, crying. BUFFY: Dawn. Sweetheart. (kneeling beside Dawn) Come on. Honey, we need to get out of here, okay? (stroking Dawn's hair) Dawn, sweetheart. Be strong for me, okay? Xander walks in, looks at Tara in dismay. BUFFY: Dawn, we need to go downstairs. DAWN: (crying) I don't understand. Buffy pulls Dawn close and hugs her. Dawn continues crying. BUFFY: I don't understand either. Long sh*t on the tableau of Xander standing in the doorway, Buffy and Dawn holding each other, and Tara lying d*ad on the floor. Cut to a little later. Two men carry a gurney down the stairs, bearing Tara's body covered with a black sheet. Xander stands at the bottom of the stairs watching. He has changed out of his bloody clothes. Buffy and Dawn sit in the living room. Buffy has also changed her clothing. Xander watches in a daze as the men wheel the gurney out the front door. One of them gives him a clipboard. CORONER: If you could just sign this? XANDER: Sure. He signs the clipboard and hands it back. CORONER: Call this number tomorrow, we'll have more information. (giving Xander a piece of paper) XANDER: Okay, thanks. Thank you. CORONER: I'm sorry for your loss. The coroner picks up a briefcase in one hand, takes the end of the gurney in the other, and he and the other (unseen) coroner exit. Xander closes the door, looking at the piece of paper. Goes into the living room. XANDER: So that's it. BUFFY: Are the police gone too? XANDER: Coming back tomorrow with more of their pretty yellow tape. He sits on the coffee table. Both he and Buffy put their faces in their hands for a moment. BUFFY: (sighing) We need to find Willow. XANDER: Yeah, she's off the wagon big-time. Warren's a d*ad man if she finds him. DAWN: (bitterly) Good. BUFFY: Dawn, don't say that. DAWN: Why not? (the others looking at her) I'd do it myself if I could. BUFFY: Because you don't really feel that way. DAWN: Yes I do. And you should too. He k*lled Tara, and he nearly k*lled you. He needs to pay. XANDER: Out of the mouths of babes. BUFFY: Xander. XANDER: I'm just saying he's ... he's just as bad as any vampire you've sent to dustville. BUFFY: Being a Slayer doesn't give me a license to k*ll. Warren's human. DAWN: (scoffs) So? BUFFY: So the human world has its own rules for dealing with people like him. XANDER: Yeah, we all know how well those rules work. BUFFY: Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. We can't control the universe. If we were supposed to ... then the magic wouldn't change Willow the way it does. And ... we'd be able to bring Tara back. DAWN: (very quietly) And Mom. BUFFY: There are limits to what we can do. There should be. Willow doesn't want to believe that. And now she's messing with forces that want to hurt her. All of us. XANDER: I just ... I've had blood on my hands all day. (looks Buffy in the eye) Blood from people I love. BUFFY: I know. And now it has to stop. Warren's going to get what he deserves. I promise . But I will *not* let Willow destroy herself. b*at. Xander nods, sighs. XANDER: Okay, where do we go? She could be anywhere. BUFFY: (sighs) I don't know, um ... Maybe the Magic Box for some kind of locating spell. (quickly, to Xander) I could go myself. XANDER: No no. I'm cool. I'll go. BUFFY: Dawn can't stay here by herself. DAWN: Let me go with you. I want to. BUFFY: No, honey, it's too dangerous. DAWN: But ... it's Willow. She needs us. BUFFY: She does. And you'll help her. Lots. Okay, but first we have to get her home in one piece. DAWN: But- BUFFY: Dawn. I'm serious. You've been through enough for more than one ... ever. You should be someplace where you feel safe. DAWN: (sullen) Fine. I want to go to Spike's. b*at. Buffy sighs heavily. BUFFY: All right. XANDER: What?! Not all right. Are you kidding? After what Spike did- BUFFY: Xander! Buffy gives Xander a meaningful look and a very small shake of the head. BUFFY: I'll get the coats. She gets up and moves toward the foyer. Xander follows. XANDER: (quietly) You're not gonna really leave Dawn with Mr. Attempted r*pe. BUFFY: (quietly) He won't hurt Dawn. I, he-he physically can't. Besides, he wouldn't. XANDER: Well, after the other night, I'd say all bets are off on what he's capable of. BUFFY: Dawn feels safe with him. We don't have a choice. Right now, he's all we've got. Xander looks displeased. Cut to: exterior of a UC Sunnydale dorm building. Cut to Tara's room. Willow sits on the bed holding her white shirt stained with Tara's blood. She looks at it for a moment, then gets up, kneels on the floor and spreads the shirt out on the floor, bloody side down. We see that Willow's eyes are still black. WILLOW: Blood of the slain, hear me. Guide me to Tara's k*ller. Close on the shirt. The blood rises to the surface and forms a map. A glowing dot, as if the shirt were on f*re just in one little spot, marks a single point on the map, moving slightly. Willow studies it grimly. Cut to: interior Spike's crypt. The TV is showing an old movie. MAN ON TV: John, why don't you forget this foolishness? MAN #2 ON TV: Stop right where you are, Mr. Norton. WOMAN ON TV: John! John! Buffy and Dawn enter the crypt, walk over toward the armchair in front of the TV. BUFFY: Spike. The person in the chair gives a yelp of surprise and jumps up in a shower of popcorn/chips/junk-food. It's Clem, who had been asleep. CLEM: Suffering cats! Buffy is startled, stares at him. CLEM: (puts hand on his chest) Where did you come from? BUFFY: Oh. Clem, I - sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. CLEM: It's, uh, it's okay, you just (chuckles) snuck up on me is all. BUFFY: (apologetic) I made you spill your snacks. CLEM: Nah, don't worry about it. (holds up his arm and indicates loose floppy skin) Like I need any more of this. (waves at Dawn) Oh, hi. DAWN: Hi. CLEM: Can I get you ladies something? I was just about to mix up some Country Time. BUFFY: We're looking for Spike, actually. CLEM: He didn't tell you? BUFFY: Tell me what? CLEM: He left. Town. BUFFY: Oh. Close on Buffy who looks like she has mixed feelings about this news. DAWN: He just took off? CLEM: That's why I'm staying here for him. Sweet pad like this goes empty for a few days, you'll lose it for sure. Plus, I ... (indicates the TV) don't have a TV. Buffy has a sour expression. CLEM: I'm surprised he didn't tell you. He kind of left in a hurry, I guess. (awkwardly) Sure I can't get you something? I've got Bugles and, uh, liverwurst... BUFFY: We're fine, thank you. Um, but you could do us a favor. Do you think maybe Dawn could hang out here with you for a while? I have some stuff that I need to do and, uh, I really don't want her to be alone. DAWN: I still don't see why I just can't- BUFFY: Dawn. We've been through this. (to Clem) What do you think? CLEM: No problem. I'd love the company. (to Dawn) Do you like Parcheesi? DAWN: (trying to be nice) Sure. CLEM: Or, we could rent videos. I've been dying to see "The Wedding Planner." DAWN: Either way. I'm good. CLEM: Ooh, and here. (indicates the chair) You can have the comfy chair. Dawn smiles despite herself. BUFFY: I'll be back as soon as I can. (hugs Dawn) I promise. DAWN: Okay. BUFFY: (to Clem) Thank you. Clem nods. Buffy starts for the door, pauses, turns back. BUFFY: Did he say when he'd be back? CLEM: Spike? No. Only that he could be gone a while. Cut to: a view of the moon through an exotic tree. Sound of drums and African pipe music. Cut to a desert village made up of grass huts on sand. Some African women are sitting around a f*re talking. In the background more people walking around, sitting, etc. Spike, wearing all black, strides between the huts. He passes an African man walking the other way. Spike continues walking, his face determined. Another villager tries to stop him, saying something in an African language. VILLAGER: Toyenza coyengara. Erio mtuwana. SPIKE: Not asking for permission, mate. Spike never stops walking, strides past the man and onward. The man yells after him but doesn't follow. VILLAGER: Ymirira! Odja kufa! Ymirira! Spike enters a dark cave. He slows down. It's almost completely black. He flicks open his lighter, revealing paintings on the cave walls. Images of people's faces in pain, bodies with blood pouring out of them, skulls. Spike looks at them, a little nervous. The music continues. More paintings. One depicts a black figure holding out an arm toward another figure, which is red and dripping blood. A breeze blows out the lighter. Spike looks at it, slowly flicks it closed and continues into the cave. Then a deep gravelly voice speaks. VOICE: You seek me, vampire? Spike looks nervous, but covers it. SPIKE: You do the finger paintings? Nice work. We see a demon in the darkness, but all we can see is an indistinct shape and a pair of green glowing eyes. DEMON: Answer me. SPIKE: Yeah. I seek you. DEMON: Something about a woman. The slayer. SPIKE: (nods, barely concealed anger) Thinks she's better than me. Ever since I got this bleeding chip in my head, things ain't been right. Everything's gone to hell. DEMON: And you want to return to your former self. SPIKE: Yeah. Close on the green glowing eyes as the demon laughs evilly. SPIKE: What? DEMON: Look what she's reduced you to. SPIKE: It's this bloody chip- DEMON: You were a legendary dark warrior, and you let yourself be castrated. (Spike looking angry) And you have the audacity to crawl in here and demand restoration? SPIKE: I'm still a warrior. DEMON: You're a pathetic excuse for a demon. SPIKE: (angry) Yeah? I'll show you pathetic. Give me your best sh*t. DEMON: You'd never endure the trials required to grant your request. SPIKE: Do your worst. But when I win ... I want what I came here for. The demon watches him, breathes loudly but says nothing. SPIKE: Bitch is gonna see a change. Cut to: interior magic shop. Close on the piles of books on the table, their pages all blank from Willow's actions earlier. Pan over to the counter where Xander is trying to lead Anya toward the table. Anya is still partly frozen from Willow's spell. XANDER: You feeling any change? Can you talk? Anya pulls away, not looking at him. ANYA: It's wearing off. She sits down on the bench. ANYA: Willow was here earlier. She put the whammy on me and went straight to the dark arts books. Sucked them dry. XANDER: (awkwardly) Look, Anya, something terrible happened. ANYA: I know. (softly) Tara. XANDER: (nods) Willow's out for blood, big time. We need to find her before she finds Warren. Is there something you can do, a, a locator spell? ANYA: I don't need a spell. (a bit reluctantly) I can feel her. XANDER: You can...? ANYA: Feel her. Her thirst for vengeance, it's overwhelming. XANDER: Is that like, left over from your vengeance demon days? You just sense her? ANYA: No. Not left over. She gives him a meaningful look. The clue hits. XANDER: Oh. ANYA: Yeah. (sound of the bell over the door) XANDER: When? ANYA: (sourly) When do you think? Buffy rushes over. BUFFY: Is everyone okay? Did Willow - ANYA: Got her power boost and took off. XANDER: Anya's ... Anya was saying she knows where Willow is. BUFFY: A spell? XANDER: (bitterly) Not exactly. Seems Anya got her vengeance on again. BUFFY: (stares at Anya) Oh. XANDER: So, Willow's all wrathy ... why don't you go to her? Isn't that your gig? ANYA: (defensively) Normally, I'd have to ... but she doesn't want me. BUFFY: She wants to do it herself. ANYA: Yeah. BUFFY: Look, Anya, we don't have much time. Which side of this are you on? Anya hesitates. XANDER: If you know where she is, you can help us. ANYA: (stands up, sighs) I'll help. But I'm helping Willow. Buffy and Xander accept this. ANYA: She's close to him. He's in the woods. Buffy and Xander exchange a look. Cut to the woods, night. Willow walks along, holding the bloody shirt. The bushes bend back out of her way as she passes. She walks slowly and calmly. Cut to another part of the woods. Warren is running along, shoving branches and bushes out of his way. He's wearing a backpack. Willow comes to a small clearing, looks around, smiles a little. WILLOW: Run all night, Warren. I'll still find- Suddenly something hits her. She falls down face-first. We see Warren standing behind her. A long-handled axe is buried in Willow's back. Warren stares down at her, looking nervous. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. Warren stands over Willow, still nervous, but starting to smile a little. Suddenly Willow rises upward and onto her feet, lifted by magic. She turns to face Warren, reaching her arm behind her to pull the axe out of her back. Warren stares at her fearfully. WILLOW: Axe, not gonna cut it. She tosses the axe to the ground. Warren runs off. Willow follows. Warren runs through the forest, panting, reaching behind him to pull something out of his backpack. It's a small metal box. Warren stops running and pulls a pin on the side of the box. Little metal wings appear from holes on two sides of the box. The wings begin to flap. Warren smiles as the box lifts off his hand and up into the air. It zooms away with quick flitting movements like a bat. Cut to Willow walking calmly through the woods. The winged box flies up to her. She looks at it in surprise. Suddenly the box explodes. But the expl*si*n, instead of moving continuously outward, only expands to a diameter of about ten feet. It surrounds Willow in a shimmering ball of energy like solidified air and f*re, holding her motionless. But then she steps forward, and the ball shatters into large pieces like glass. Willow resumes walking. Cut to Warren running desperately through the woods, looking back over his shoulder. He turns to face front again and finds Willow directly in front of him. Warren stops short, gasping. WARREN: (nervous laugh) Cute. That's a cute trick. Willow is silent, just walks toward him. He backs away, very nervous. WARREN: It was an accident, you know. WILLOW: Oh. You mean, instead of k*lling my best friend, you k*lled my girlfriend. WARREN: It ... it wasn't personal, that's all. Close on Warren's hand in his pants pocket, grasping for something. He continues moving backward as Willow continues advancing on him. WILLOW: Well, this is. Warren turns to run away. Willow holds out both her hands and sends a huge blast of magical energy at Warren, knocking him down. He quickly pulls his arms out of his backpack straps. WARREN: Capture! He throws something at Willow, looks like a small ball of blue goo. It hits her in the stomach and begins to expand, first around her body pinning her arms to her sides, then up and down until her whole body and head are surrounded by shimmery transparent blue. Her mouth opens as if trying to speak, but she can't. Warren jumps up and runs off again, leaving his backpack behind. Close on Willow's eyes behind the goo. They begin to glow fiery orange. The goo in front of her eyes melts, and then the entire cocoon melts and slides down off her body. Cut to Warren still running. Cut to Willow still standing where she was. Her eyes are black again. WILLOW: Irretite. (latin translation: "entangle") Cut to Warren running. Suddenly vines from several nearby trees whip out and wrap around his legs, then his wrists. He's trapped, spread-eagled between two trees. He looks around, panting. Willow walks around a tree and approaches him. WILLOW: Cute tricks. WARREN: You're really asking for it, you know that? WILLOW: (incredulous) I'm asking for it? WARREN: I'm gonna walk away from this. And when I do, you're gonna beg to go join your little girlfriend. Willow frowns as if realizing something. WILLOW: She wasn't your first. WARREN: (nervous) Uh, first who? WILLOW: Tara. She wasn't the first girl you k*lled. WARREN: I don't know what you're talk- WILLOW: Reveal! KATRINA: (O.S.) I should have strangled you in your sleep. Warren's ex-girlfriend Katrina, whom he k*lled in episode "d*ad Things," walks around the same tree that Willow just came from. She is deathly pale. KATRINA: Back when we shared a bed. I should have done the world a favor. WARREN: (nervous laugh) It's a trick. KATRINA: Why, Warren? You could have just let me go. Warren is pretty freaked and can't look at Katrina, just at Willow and the surroundings. Willow watches him calmly. WARREN: (to Willow) Make it shut up. Make it go away. KATRINA: It didn't have be like that. WARREN: (to Willow) I'm not kidding! KATRINA: How could you say you loved me, and do that to me? WARREN: (suddenly) Because you deserved it, bitch! Warren finally turns to look at Katrina as he yells at her. But now she's gone. WILLOW: Because you liked it. WARREN: Oh, shut up! WILLOW: You never felt you had the power with her. Not until you k*lled her. WARREN: (nasty laugh) Women. You know, you're just like the rest of them. Mind games. Warren talks a good game, but he's trembling in fear. WILLOW: You get off on it. (moving closer) That's why you had a mad-on for the Slayer. She was your big O, wasn't she, Warren? WARREN: (still trembling) Are you done yet? Or can we talk some more about our feelings? Cut to another part of the forest. Anya walks along, with Buffy and Xander following. BUFFY: What's happening? What do you feel? ANYA: She's stronger now. Close. XANDER: What about Warren? Has she- ANYA: He's still alive. She's not done. Cut back to Warren and Willow. He's getting desperate now. WARREN: (yells) Help! (normal voice) Let me go. (yells) Somebody! Help! WILLOW: What's the matter? Thought you wanted to talk. WARREN: No. WILLOW: Okay. Willow opens her hand, revealing the b*llet that she took from Buffy's chest earlier. WILLOW: I'll talk. She waves her other hand, and Warren's shirt rips open. WARREN: What, what are you doing? WILLOW: Shhh. WARREN: (seriously freaked) Hey, hey, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. Willow holds the b*llet about an inch from Warren's chest, right over his heart. She lets go, but the b*llet continues to hover in place. WILLOW: Wanna know what a b*llet feels like, Warren? A real one? (Warren looking nervously down at the b*llet, then up at her) It's not like in the comics. WARREN: No. No. WILLOW: I think you need to. Feel it. The b*llet slowly starts to push its way into Warren's chest. WARREN: Oh god! Stop it! WILLOW: It's not going to make a neat little hole. First, it'll obliterate your internal organs. Your lung will collapse. Feels like drowning. WARREN: (strained) Please! No. Warren is clearly in a lot of pain as the b*llet continues penetrating his body. WILLOW: When it finally hits your spine, it'll blow your central nervous system. WARREN: Oh please, stop, god! Please- WILLOW: (angrily) I'm talking! Willow lifts a hand and suddenly Warren's lips are sewn shut with large stitches of thread. He can only groan and whimper. WILLOW: The pain will be unbearable, but you won't be able to move. b*llet usually travels faster than this, of course. But the dying? It'll seem like it takes forever. She pauses, as if affected by her own words, looking at the little wound on Warren's chest. Warren just grunts and squeezes his eyes shut in pain. WILLOW: Something, isn't it? (pensively) One tiny piece of metal destroys everything. (Warren groaning loudly) It ripped her insides out ... took her light away. From me. From the world. Now she looks Warren in the eye again, re-focusing. He continues trembling, groaning in pain and fear. WILLOW: Now the one person who should be here is gone ... and a waste like you gets to live. Another sh*t of the b*llet hole in Warren's chest. WILLOW: Tiny piece of metal. Can you feel it now? Warren continues whimpering in pain. Cut to the others still walking. ANYA: Over there. She leads them off to the left. Cut back to Warren and Willow. He continues grunting through his sewn-shut mouth. WILLOW: I said, can you feel it? She waves her hand and the stitches disappear. WARREN: Please! God! I did wrong, I see that now. I need, I need jail! I need ... But you, you don't want this. You're, you're not a bad person. Not like me. Willow stares at him. BUFFY: (O.S.) Willow! Willow looks over. The others are visible a few hundred feet away, rushing toward her. WARREN: Oh, and when you get caught, you'll lose them too. Your friends. (panting) You don't want that. I know you're in pain, but- WILLOW: Bored now. Willow makes a casual gesture with one hand. A bolt of magic rips through Warren and tears the skin off his body in a single piece. Anya, Buffy, and Xander arrive just in time to see this. XANDER: Oh my god. Warren's skinless body sags against the vines that still hold him. Very icky. Willow stands looking at it. BUFFY: (shocked) What did you do? Willow continues looking at the lifeless body. BUFFY: Willow, what did you do? Willow looks over at her friends, then back at the body. Suddenly it bursts into flame and burns to nothing in an instant. WILLOW: (calmly) One down. Smoke begins to curl up around Willow's body as red f*re flashes in her eyes again. Lightning flashes as her whole body dissipates into smoke and is gone. The others stand there staring in horror. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x20 - Villians"}

foreverdreaming

Transcriber's Notes: •I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you really want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. DO NOT POST MY TRANSCRIPT ON YOUR SITE WITHOUT MY NAME ON IT! • I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Close sh*t of Buffy's gravestone. XANDER VOICEOVER: This is what happened this year. Buffy in her coffin being revived. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Tomorrow night, we're bringing Buffy back. Buffy's hand bursting out of her grave. XANDER VOICEOVER: You're talking about raising the d*ad. Buffy and Spike in the alley behind the Magic Box. BUFFY: I think I was in heaven. I was torn out of there by my friends. Giles in the magic shop. GILES: I'm headed back to England. Giles on the plane. GILES VOICEOVER: I plan to stay. Buffy and Willow in the video arcade in "Gone." BUFFY: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? WARREN: We're your arch-nemesises. Tara and Willow in the Bronze. TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. Willow doing magic. TARA: I don't think this is gonna work. Willow crying. Tara packing. WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Willow getting her "fix" at Rack's. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Willow has a problem. WILLOW: I need help! Buffy and Spike kissing. SPIKE: We kissed, Buffy. I'm in love with you. BUFFY: You're in love with pain! SPIKE: You afraid I'm gonna- Buffy kissing Spike. SPIKE: Things have changed. BUFFY: The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. Buffy and Spike in the crypt. BUFFY: It's over. I'm using you. Xander and Anya in the magic shop. XANDER: We're getting married. DAWN: Congratulations. The wedding that wasn't. ANYA: Xander's missing? What do you mean Xander's missing? Xander walking in the rain in his tux. Xander and Anya in their apartment. XANDER: I wish we could just go back to the way things were before. Anya morphing into demon face. ANYA: And I wish you were never born. Anya and Spike having sex in the Magic Box. Anya and Xander arguing. ANYA: You left me, Xander! At the altar! XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? SPIKE: It's good enough for Buffy. XANDER: Shut up and leave her out of- Xander, Anya, and Spike looking at Buffy. Dawn in the magic shop stealing stuff. GILES VOICEOVER: We can't ignore this kind of behavior. Something needs to be done before it spins out of control. Tara and Willow in their room. TARA: Can you just be kissing me now? Willow and Tara kissing. Spike and Buffy struggling in the bathroom. SPIKE: I'm gonna make you feel it! BUFFY: No, stop! Buffy pushing Spike away. BUFFY: Ask me again why I could never love you. Spike on his motorcycle. SPIKE: Get nice and comfy, Slayer. I'll be back. Spike riding off. Warren storming into the back yard. WARREN: Think you can just do that to me? Warren sh**ting at Xander and Buffy. Tara getting sh*t. Willow getting blood on her shirt. WILLOW: Tara? Xander looking at the injured Buffy. Willow holding Tara. WILLOW: Tara! Willow talking to the demon. WILLOW: Bring her back! DEMON: It is done! WILLOW: Nooooo! Xander watching the paramedics work on Buffy. ANYA VOICEOVER: Something terrible has happened, I know. Willow with the words from the magic books sliding up her arms. ANYA: You don't have to- WILLOW: I need power. Willow and Buffy in the hospital room. XANDER: Will, what are you doing? She's gonna die. WILLOW: No she isn't. The b*llet lifting out of Buffy's body. Willow stopping the bus on the side of the road. BUFFY VOICEOVER: We need to find Willow. Spike in the cave. DEMON: You want to return to your former self. SPIKE: Bitch is gonna see a change. Willow tormenting Warren in the forest. WARREN: Somebody! Please! God! WILLOW: Bored now. Warren's skin being torn off. BUFFY: Willow, what did you do? WILLOW: One down. Willow disappearing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episode opens on Buffy, Xander, and Anya running through the woods. After a few moments Xander stops, leaning against a tree. XANDER: I think I'm gonna be sick. ANYA: Again? BUFFY: Xander, we don't have time. XANDER: (panting) I know, it's just ... what happened back there, the sounds of it. The smell. (Anya looking impatient) BUFFY: I know. XANDER: Willow did that. BUFFY: That's why we have to keep moving. Buffy puts her hand on Xander's shoulder and coaxes him back into motion. BUFFY: You heard what she said, "One down." ANYA: So we're talking about "two to go," right, Jonathan and whatshisface, the other guy. BUFFY: Andrew. They're sitting at county jail without a clue Willow's coming. XANDER: You don't think she's gonna k*ll them too? She wouldn't. It doesn't make sense. BUFFY: Willow's got an addictive personality, and she just tasted blood. She could be there already. ANYA: No. She couldn't, a witch at her level. She can only go airborne. (they stop walking and look at her) It's a thing. More flashy, impresses the locals, but it does take longer. XANDER: Longer than what? ANYA: Teleporting. And Anya disappears in a swirl of magic. XANDER: Right. Vengeance demon. (sarcastic) Well, at least she'll get there first. BUFFY: I'm counting the ways that could go wrong. (they resume walking) XANDER: Well, Anya can handle herself. BUFFY: Against Willow? Tonight ? Don't be too sure. XANDER: Well ... she should be coming down at some point, shouldn't she? I mean, back there she was out of her head ... running on grief and magicks. BUFFY: Doesn't matter . Willow just k*lled someone. k*lling people changes you. Believe me, I know. XANDER: Warren was a cold-blooded k*ller of women just warming up. You ask me, that bastard had it coming to him. BUFFY: Maybe. Andrew and Jonathan don't. They walk a moment in silence. XANDER: This is still Willow we're dealing with, right? BUFFY: I hope so. Whatever she's going through, we have to stop her. And maybe we can actually do that if we can get to your... They pause, looking at something ahead. sh*t of a car half-hidden by bushes, with smoke coming out of the hood. The camera pans around and we see that there's also a large hole in the windshield. BUFFY: ...car. XANDER: Willow. BUFFY: I guess she wants to finish the job without us tagging along. (looks at Xander) Meet me at the jail. XANDER: Sure, how are you gonna... Buffy starts running. She does a huge leap over the car and surrounding bushes and runs off at slayer-speed. XANDER: (calls after her) Okay, then, I'll just ... catch up. She's only my best friend, you know. No big deal, just... He trails off in frustration. He has walked up to the car and now he slams his fist down on its lid angrily. Then winces in pain. XANDER: ...glad I could help. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest Starring Danny Strong, Tom Lenk, and Jeff Kober. Written by Douglas Petrie, directed by Bill Norton. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act I -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on exterior sh*t of the Sunnydale police station, night. Cut to inside, lobby. Various cops and civilians going around doing paperwork, etc. Cut to the hallway on the cell block. A guard sits at a desk at the end of the hall. A janitor goes by, mopping the floor. We see Jonathan standing by the bars of his cell, holding the bars, while in the background Andrew is sitting on the lower bunk bed holding his wrist up to his ear. ANDREW: Dude. Move like, a foot to your left. JONATHAN: (not moving) What for? ANDREW: I'm trying to hear something. JONATHAN: Like what? Andrew prods his wrist. ANDREW: (conspiratorially) Signals. JONATHAN: Oh, for crying out loud. (turns to face Andrew) Signals? Who from, your probe-happy alien friends? Say, maybe we can trade a pack of cigarettes in for tin foil. Make you a nice antenna hat. ANDREW: Laugh it up, fuzzball. I figured it out. (softly) Warren never abandoned us. Well, not me, anyway. This is like his test. If we can figure out how he's communicating with us, then we'll be, you know, worthy. JONATHAN: (incredulous) You're checking for implants? ANDREW: (defensive) Lex Luthor had a false epidermis escape kit in "Superman Versus the Amazing Spider-Man" Treasury edition- JONATHAN: Okay, first of all, those were sonic disrupters. And second of all ... you are sadness personified. Waiting for Warren? Yeah, maybe he'll come bust us out of here on Santa's magic sleigh. ANDREW: (stands up angrily) I'm telling him you said that. JONATHAN: Why wait? I'll tell him right now. Jonathan grabs Andrew's elbow and holds it up to his own face. JONATHAN: Hey, Warren, do you read me, your girlfriend's pathetic, over. ANDREW: (pulls his arm away) Shut up, Jerk-athan! You see this? This is why we get jet packs and all you get is left behind. JONATHAN: So you admit it. ANDREW: (shrugs) Why not? You were out of the Trio a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away and you know why, little feller? No respect for the chain of command. JONATHAN: Yeah, see how far it's gotten you. Checking every hole in your sad little body for transmitters that don't exist. ANDREW: Oh I'll find it if I have to check every hole in my body and yours. Andrew shoves Jonathan. Jonathan slaps at him. They grapple and start to fight, geek-style. JONATHAN: Get off! ANDREW: Make me! Suddenly Anya appears in their cell in a swirl of magic. The blast throws the two nerds against the bars. ANYA: There you two are. ANDREW: (to Jonathan) You do that? (Jonathan shaking his head) ANYA: Listen to me. We have to get you out of here or you'll both be k*lled. (calls) Guard! JONATHAN: What's going on? ANYA: Guard! ANDREW: Stop that! (to Jonathan) I don't trust her. Do you trust her? This is major uncool. JONATHAN: Um, Anya, you're gonna have to break this down for us a little. ANYA: (annoyed) Warren sh*t Buffy. Warren sh*t Tara. Buffy's alive. Tara's d*ad. Willow found out, and being the most powerful Wicca in the western hemisphere, decided to get the payback. With interest. Jonathan looks sobered. ANDREW: Wh-what about Warren? ANYA: She k*lled him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next. ANDREW: Oh my god ... Warren. JONATHAN: Oh my god ... me. (turns to the bars and yells) Guard! ANDREW: But we didn't do anything. JONATHAN: Guard! The policeman at the desk gets up and walks over. OFFICER: All right, all right, what do you... He sees Anya in the cell and pauses, confused. OFFICER: Who the hell are you? ANYA: Something's coming. Something bad. You have to let these men out of here or I guarantee you there will be hell to pay. OFFICER: Okay, uh ... what exactly's coming? ANYA: One of the many things in this world you are not prepared to deal with. OFFICER: (scoffs) That a fact? ANYA: Yes. And we're running out of time. So just believe me when I tell you... She quickly teleports herself out of the cage and reappears standing next to the guard. ANYA: ...these things are real. They're dangerous. And they're coming. Cut to outside. A cop sits in his police car looking at some paperwork. He looks up at the dashboard. A cup of coffee sits on the dashboard. Slowly it begins to jiggle, the coffee sloshing around in the cup. The cop stares at it. Suddenly a flash of lightning illuminates his face. He looks out the car window to his left. In the street a few feet away there's a whirling tornado of gray smoke, with lightning flashing around it. It coalesces into Willow. Leaves and random trash go flying down the street in the wind. The cop gets out of his car quickly. PATROL COP: What the hell was that? Willow walks toward him. Her eyes are normal at this point though her hair is still completely black. PATROL COP: Listen, I don't know what you think you're doing, but just- WILLOW: Take a nap. The cop falls down on the ground. Willow looks up at the police station building. She walks back a few steps to size it up. It's mostly brick, with large arched windows that have been bricked over. Cut back to the cell block. ANYA: ...so please, stop looking at me like it's your first trip to the circus and do your job. Let them out! Cut back to outside. Willow stands on the street, staring up at the second story of the building. Suddenly one of the bricks covering a window flies out. Cut back to the cell. The brick that came out was in the rear wall of Andrew and Jonathan's cell. They turn around to look, as a few more bricks come out too. Willow watches as more bricks come out of the wall, falling to shatter on the ground in front of her. Andrew and Jonathan flatten themselves against the bars, as far from the wall as they can get. The wall continues to come apart. OFFICER: You three stay here. ANDREW: Oh, like we have a choice! OFFICER: Don't move. You'll be safe here. The cop puts a hand on his g*n and runs off. ANYA: Are you even listening?! This is the one place they won't be safe! Cut back to outside. Willow continues staring fixedly at the building. Bricks continue to pop out. Now a piece of the surrounding wall falls out as well. Another big chunk of the wall comes out and falls onto a parked police car underneath. More cops begin to rush out from the building, yelling. Willow puts up a hand. WILLOW: Back off. A cop goes flying backward and slams into another car. The other cops keep coming. Another one of them goes flying. One of the remaining cops turns to stop the ones coming out from the building. COP: Hold it! The remaining cops stop several yards away from Willow, pointing their g*n at her and yelling. Cut back to the cell as the wall continues to come apart. ANDREW: (scared) Stop it, just stop! (to Jonathan) Why is she doing this? Tell her, we didn't do anything. JONATHAN: Yes we did. We signed on, we teamed up, we wanted to see where our plans would take us, well take a look. Another sh*t of the wall being ripped apart. JONATHAN: This is it. ANDREW: Maybe for you. Cut to outside. A bunch of cops are lined up facing Willow, pointing g*n at her. Buffy comes running up and stops beside the building, peering around the corner at the scene. We see it from Buffy's point of view: Willow standing surrounded by bricks and pieces of mortar, the crowd of cops pointing g*n at her and yelling, other cops helping each other up off the ground. Buffy turns and finds a door right behind her. She puts her hand on the knob. Cut back to the cell. ANDREW: Anya. Teleport us out of here, please. Take us with you. ANYA: I can't. It doesn't work that way. ANDREW: Oh, god. (more pieces of the wall coming off) HELP! Cut to the lobby. More cops go running across, headed for the front. Various sounds of yelling. Behind them a door smashes open, kicked by Buffy. She runs in, vaults over a divider wall, runs to the stairs and starts up. Cut to outside. Willow is still looking up at the hole in the building as a crowd of cops gathers in front of her, pointing g*n and yelling. Willow puts her hands out and down by her hips, and lifts up into the air, floating toward the hole. Cut to the cell. Willow appears in the hole in the wall, grabs the sides of it and climbs inside. The cell is empty. Willow looks around, then sees that the cell bars have been bent aside, making a hole. WILLOW: Buffy. Reveal Anya standing in the hallway just beyond the bars. ANYA: Willow , just stop for a second and listen to- Willow lifts her hands and hits Anya with a blast of magic. Anya flies backward and hits the opposite wall, falls down unconscious. Willow turns away and screams a shrill, loud scream of anger. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene: Willow still screaming. Cut to the street. Buffy, Jonathan, and Andrew come out of the police station through the same door that Buffy entered earlier. Willow's scream is audible. Andrew has his hands over his ears. ANDREW: Aah! What is that sound? God, it kills. BUFFY: We have to make a run for it. Buffy peeks around the corner. We see the cops still gathered by the front door, holding their g*n and staring upward. Some cops covering their ears. ANDREW: Are you kidding? She's like Dark Phoenix up there! You expect us just to outrun her? BUFFY: Pretty much. A police car comes roaring up behind them. We see Xander at the wheel. XANDER: Get in. Buffy pushes Andrew and Jonathan toward the door. They start to climb into the car. Buffy runs around to the other side. The car starts moving with Buffy not yet in. It starts around the corner toward the gathered cops. Buffy runs alongside, gets the door open and jumps in. The car speeds off. A couple of cops yell and chase it briefly. The screaming noise continues throughout all this. Cut to a little later. The car drives down a dark street. BUFFY: Is she coming? XANDER: (checking rear-view mirror) I don't see anything. BUFFY: (to Jonathan and Andrew in the back seat) Are you guys all right? They stare at her. She realizes it was a dumb question. BUFFY: Are you injured? JONATHAN: I, I don't think so. ANDREW: Where are you taking us? BUFFY: (pauses) We'll find someplace safe and we'll keep you there until we can stop Willow. ANDREW: Run and hide, that's your brilliant plan? JONATHAN: I don't believe this. XANDER: Boys, if you don't knock it off, I will pull this car over and you can just walk to your painful deaths from here. Cut to the police station. Willow walks out the front door. She pauses, looks around, starts off in the direction the car went. Cut back to the car. JONATHAN: I don't get it. Willow's a witch. Why doesn't she just , you know, wave her arms and make us d*ad? BUFFY: Because she doesn't want you d*ad. She wants to k*ll you. ANDREW: But we didn't do anything. Buffy twists around in her seat and punches Andrew in the face. ANDREW: (whiny) Ow! XANDER: Hate to admit it, Buff, but Jonathan may have a point. Why isn't she right here right now? BUFFY: (uncertain) Maybe she's just getting her mojo up and running. Or maybe she hasn't figured out exactly how much power she really has yet. (b*at) Neither have we. XANDER: Guess we keep running, then. JONATHAN: I still can't believe that was Willow. I mean, I've known her almost as long as you guys. Willow was ... you know. She packed her own lunches and wore floods and was always... just Willow. b*at. Both Buffy and Xander look pensive. Suddenly the entire car shakes violently. We see something behind it, very close. Xander looks in the mirror. JONATHAN: Geez it! ANDREW: What was that? Reveal a large truck behind the car, with Willow standing on top of the truck's cab. Her eyes are all-black again. She holds her hands in front of her, elbows extended, palms facing out. XANDER: Just Willow. The truck races along immediately behind the car. Pan down from Willow to reveal the truck driver, struggling with the steering wheel, then giving up and throwing his hands up in the air. Buffy and Xander look nervously at their side mirrors. sh*t of the truck from the rear window of the car. The truck's grille looms very close. The truck speeds up and rams the back of the car a second time. Xander looks scared, keeps the car under control. The truck rams the car again. XANDER: O-okay, any ideas? BUFFY: Drive faster. The car speeds up and pulls ahead. But then the truck speeds up and catches up again. Another h*t. The bumper of the car comes partly detached and scrapes along the ground. The truck hits the car yet again. Everyone in the car looks scared. XANDER: This is faster! JONATHAN: She knows you're in this car too, right? They look back at the truck. JONATHAN: Right?! Buffy looks back nervously. sh*t of Willow grimacing, hunching over a little. JONATHAN: She's draining. XANDER: She's what-ing? Willow grimaces more, falls down to a sitting position on top of the truck. JONATHAN: Just keep going. Long sh*t of the car and truck rounding a corner onto a wide, deserted four-lane road. The car's bumper still drags behind, throwing up sparks. Xander concentrates on his driving. sh*t of Willow now on all fours and staring at the car, still grimacing. Buffy, Andrew, and Jonathan watch anxiously from within the car. The truck driver yanks at the wheel and finds it responding now. He swerves left, then right. Much screeching of tires. The truck comes to a stop. The car continues speeding away. The driver gives a sigh of relief. Andrew and Jonathan watch through the rear window of the car. ANDREW: (relieved laugh) Cool. The car speeds on, the bumper finally detaching completely and lying in the middle of the road. Cut to: Spike's crypt. Dawn is standing by the windows, looking out nervously, fidgeting. CLEM: (O.S.) Not that I'm knocking the nacho cheese ones. I like the taste. It's just the texture I can't deal with. Dawn ignores him. Reveal Clem with two separate bowls of chips in front of him. He picks up a chip and eats it, contemplating. CLEM: So gritty. (Dawn looking at him) Kinda hurts my tongue. So, I'd give 'em a seven. Maybe a seven-five ... and, you think this is dumb, don't you? DAWN: Uh, no! No, as taste tests go, this is definitely one of the better ones I've been to. CLEM: I get it. No biggie. (sighs) Uh, you wanna play cards? DAWN: Clem... CLEM: I can be a real boredom-buster, if you just give me half a chance. DAWN: It's not you. CLEM: Still, I feel responsible. (walking over to her) It's not fair ... girl your age, cooped up in a crypt. Tell you what, let me get my hat and coat, I'll take you to a movie. We'll go nuts! (coaxing) PG-thirteen. DAWN: (frustrated) Clem! CLEM: Uh-huh? DAWN: Look at me. Do I look weak to you? O-or incapable? CLEM: Heck no. DAWN: So why am I stuck here? CLEM: (shrugs) No good reason I can see. (sighs) I'm still real sorry about what happened. If there's anything I can do to help ... just name it. DAWN: (sly) Anything? CLEM: Ohh ... you're not going to get yourself in trouble now, are you? Or me? 'Cause your sister's the Slayer; I'm a demon, that's real good incentive to get along with her. DAWN: I need a demon to help me. She walks a little ways toward the door. DAWN: Spike would have. CLEM: Spike's gone. Dawn looks upset. Cut to: the African cave. It's very dark. Spike stands there, shirtless and barefoot, wearing his black pants, pacing a little. The shadowy demon from "Villains" speaks to him. DEMON: You understand, then. SPIKE: Yeah. (bored) Yeah, it's not like you haven't been clear about it, oh great mysterious one. This is a test. I don't get what I want unless I pass said test. That about the size and shape? DEMON: Yes. SPIKE: And since your pad is decked out gladiator-style, and no number two pencils have been provided ... I guess we're not starting with the written. Spike looks around nervously. A person walks up behind him. Spike turns and sees him. He appears to be human, but very large and muscular. SPIKE: Oh, here we go then. Just me and the walking action figure. I'm venturing this would be the k*ll-or-be-k*lled type of situation, then? DEMON: To the death. SPIKE: Right. Spike faces his opponent, anticipating. SPIKE: Here we are now. Entertain us. The muscled man holds up his fists and smacks his forearms together. Both his hands burst into flame. Spike looks alarmed. SPIKE: Oh, son of a b... Muscle-man punches Spike in the head. He goes down. Another punch. Spike scrambles backward on his butt and hands. sh*t of muscle-man from Spike's POV as the flaming fist swings down again. Cut to: a back alley somewhere, night. Two people walk along. Cut closer to reveal they are Clem and Dawn. DAWN: Rack's place was right around here last time. CLEM: Oh, huh, I don't feel anything. (quickly) Oh well. Not here. Let's go home. DAWN: You don't feel anything because his place moves. I told you. (they stop walking) CLEM: Know why Rack moves all the time? Because he's shady. A bad element comes down here. DAWN: I get that. But Willow's part of it now. She is the element. If she isn't around somewhere, Rack may know where she is. Which is why we need to talk to him. CLEM: (nervous) We? In a face to face way? DAWN: (impatient) Or me. I'll go in there without you. CLEM: No, no, it's fine, I'm good, it's just, Rack isn't partial to the floppy-eared. (Dawn looking skeptical) He has a thing! But, but hey, I'm in. Absolutely. DAWN: Either way. Just get me there. (resumes walking) CLEM: Say Rack does know where Willow is. He's not going to tell you for nothing. He's gonna want something. DAWN: I have money. CLEM: (sighs) That's not the kind of something he's gonna want. Rack likes little girls. DAWN: (stops walking, angrily) I am not a little girl. CLEM: I, I don't know if you've thought this through. I'm supposed to keep you safe (Dawn looking annoyed) and this whole thing is... I mean, even if you find Willow ... you really think you can stop her? Dawn stares at him, not sure what to say. Cut to the magic shop. The door opens and Anya enters, followed by Xander, then Andrew, Jonathan, and Buffy. Anya strides into the middle of the room impatiently. XANDER: Thanks, Anya, for getting here so fast. It's a big help. ANYA: Once again, Xander in need of the big help. XANDER: Whatever. So, can you still sense Willow? Knowing her location'd be a real big comfort right about now. They go over to the table that still holds the pile of now blank magic books. ANYA: No, I can't. Which means whatever she's feeling, it's gone way beyond simple vengeance. XANDER: Did I mention me needing the comfort? BUFFY: Whatever we've got, better grab it fast. This is one of the first places she's gonna think to look for us. ANDREW: (alarmed) Then what are we doing here? You know, I could summon a demon that would k*ll her. They all turn to look at him, angry. XANDER: And I could smack you so hard your eyeballs would switch sockets. BUFFY: No one is getting k*lled. Sit down. Jonathan and Andrew go to sit down. Anya moves off. BUFFY: We need to find some sort of magicks that'll stop Willow. Or at least slow her down. XANDER: But she drained the place. Anya does something at the cash register. Buffy and Xander look at the blank books. XANDER: (holding up a book) Took everything. ANYA: Not everything. Anya has a small key in her hand. She reaches under the counter to pull something out. XANDER: What is it? Xander and Buffy walk over. Anya produces a medium-sized wooden chest. She opens it and takes out a book. ANYA: Um, book of protection spells. Anti-magic, our last resort. XANDER: Think you can work this stuff? ANYA: (looking at book) Ah. Okay. Well, the good news is, text is intact. Bad news is, ah, I can't read a word of it. It's like in, ancient Sumerian or something. Close on the book, whose yellowing pages are covered in symbols. Jonathan gets up, walks a little closer. JONATHAN: Could I take a look at it? BUFFY: Shut up. JONATHAN: Right. Jonathan starts to turn back to his seat, pauses, addresses Buffy. JONATHAN: I just thought, you know, as long as you're protecting us, the least I could do is- BUFFY: I'm not protecting you, Jonathan. None of us are. We're doing this for Willow. The only reason it happens to be your lucky day? Is because Willow kills you, she crosses a line, I lose a friend. (gets right up in Jonathan's face) And I hate losing. JONATHAN: I get that. It's just ... you know she's running out of power, right? I can tell. I can practically feel it. (quietly, embarrassed) I've dabbled in the magicks. XANDER: I think Willow's in a league of her own about now, dabble-boy. JONATHAN: But still, running that hot for that long, it's just a matter of time before you gotta re-charge, no matter how juiced up you are. BUFFY: Thank you. Now you remember that thing we talked about? JONATHAN: About me shutting up? Buffy nods. JONATHAN: (whispers) Right. He goes back to his seat beside Andrew. Xander pulls Buffy aside. XANDER: Buffy, let's say this works. And we stop Willow from working the hoodoo for a minute. What then? BUFFY: I talk to her. XANDER: Great. And say what? Buffy takes off her hat, runs her hand through her hair, sighs. BUFFY: Look ... whatever she's gonna do, she starts with those two. (indicating Andrew and Jonathan) They're the line she cannot cross. And if she's running low on magicks ? Then she's probably somewhere right now trying to get it all back. Cut to: Rack's place, night. The door opens (POV of someone entering the room), revealing a junkie boy lying blissed-out on the floor with his eyes closed, holding a lit cigarette. Pan over to Rack, sitting on the floor between a sofa and a coffee-table, laying out runestones on the sofa. He doesn't look at the camera. RACK: Hey, babe. I been waiting for you. He lays down another stone and looks over. Reveal Willow standing in the doorway, her eyes back to normal. RACK: Guess the rehab didn't take, huh. That's the way it goes sometimes. He gets up and walks slowly toward her. RACK: But I gotta say ... I could feel you coming a mile away, the power you got. And you know something, sweetness? (whispers) I liked it. He keeps moving closer, all sleazy and creepy-seductive. Willow doesn't react, just stands there. RACK: When you first came to me, you were just a little ... slip of a girl. He gets right up behind Willow, puts his hands on her shoulders and moves them down out of sh*t. RACK: Look at you now, all ... growed up. So full of dark juice. He moves to the other side of her, still behind her, his hands on her shoulders. He reaches up and brushes hair back from her face, nuzzles her ear. She still just stands there. RACK: And you still taste like strawberries. Only now ... (moves around in front of her) ...you're ripe. He stays right there in her face, almost like he's about to kiss her. He even puts his hand on her chin. RACK: You came because you want something. Don't you? Willow nods slowly. RACK: I thought so. (stroking her cheek) So tell me, Strawberry... Now his mouth is barely an inch away from Willow's as he continues to caress her cheek with one hand. RACK: ...what on this earth do you want? Willow lifts her own hand to touch Rack's face the same way. But then she starts to squeeze. WILLOW: Just to take a little tour. Suddenly her other hand comes up and smacks onto Rack's chest. Magic begins to flow. Rack gasps and groans helplessly. His body glows and little sparks of lightning flash around him. Willow continues to hold him by the chin with one hand with her other hand on his chest, slowly lifting him up off the ground as the magic crackles between them. Rack continues making little pained groaning noises. Cut to the alley. It's empty. A car goes by. Cut to Rack's waiting room. Clem enters through the shimmery magic wall, looks around, walks farther inside. Dawn appears behind him. DAWN: Yay, Clem, making with the demon senses! I knew you'd find this place. Clem looks around nervously. CLEM: (softly) It's not very clean. DAWN: Don't wig out on me again. CLEM: It's just, I'm still not so sure you should be here. I'm not so sure *I* should be here. DAWN: It'll only take a minute. Come on. Dawn walks toward the door that leads to the inner room. Clem watches nervously but doesn't follow her. She turns back, sighs. DAWN: You wanna wait here? CLEM: (relieved) If that works for you... DAWN: Be right back. She opens the door. Clem looks around, sighs nervously. Cut to the inner room. Dawn enters slowly, looking around. DAWN: Willow? She turns slowly, and suddenly comes face-to-face with Rack -- hanging upside down, with his head at Dawn's eye-level, d*ad. Dawn screams, whimpers, turns frantically toward the door. But Willow is in the way. WILLOW: Hey, cutie. Dawn stares in horror. Willow's hair is all black, her eyes are all black, and dark veins are visible all over her face. She gives a little smile. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act III -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Open on the same scene. We see Rack's floating corpse in foreground and Dawn staring fearfully at Willow in background. WILLOW: Dawnie, what are you doing here? 'Cause if you're looking for me? Now's not a great time. DAWN: You look terrible. WILLOW: Do I? Willow starts to move closer to Dawn. DAWN: You're back on the magicks. WILLOW: No, honey. I am the magicks. DAWN: (backing away as Willow advances) Did you k*ll that guy? WILLOW: (shrugging) It's an improvement, believe me. DAWN: (very nervous) I have to go. Dawn rushes past Willow and toward the door -- and suddenly Willow is in front of her again, blocking the door. Dawn gives a little yelp of fear. WILLOW: Why? So you can run and tell Buffy? DAWN: Willow ... please, just listen to me. WILLOW: You don't have to talk. Just think real loud. I can hear you. Willow advances again, and Dawn backs up again. DAWN: You're freaking me out. WILLOW: Oh, don't be like that. I'm just a little wired. And I have some things to do. I thought if anybody'd understand- DAWN: I miss Tara, too! Willow stops cold, glares. DAWN: But this? What you're doing here? This is not the way to go! You're only going to make things worse! But I promise, it's not too late to- WILLOW: You miss her? DAWN: (shocked) Yes. WILLOW: Did you cry? (Dawn still looking shocked) Of course you did. I get that. Willow resumes walking toward Dawn, and Dawn resumes backing away. WILLOW: I understand the crying, you cry because you're human. But you weren't always. DAWN: (hurt) Yes, I was. WILLOW: No, please. You're telling me you don't remember? You used to be some ... mystic ball of energy. Maybe that's why you're crying all the time, Dawnie. 'Cause you don't belong here. Dawn finds herself backed up against the wall, gasping anxiously. WILLOW: Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'll be happier. We'll all be a lot happier without listening to the constant whining. DAWN: (tearful and angry) Willow, stop... WILLOW: (mock-whining) "Mom!" "Buffy!" "Tara!" "Waah!" It's time you go back to being a little energy ball. Dawn looks very scared. WILLOW: No more tears, Dawnie. Willow's voice echoes weirdly on that last line. Dawn whimpers and presses back against the wall. Willow smiles a little, advancing right up to Dawn. Loud bang from behind. Willow turns. Buffy stands in the doorway. BUFFY: I think you need to get away from her. Cut to the Magic Box. Anya sits behind the counter with the magic book open in front of her, a notebook next to her, and a pen in her hand. Xander stands right behind her looking at another book. ANYA: You're too close. XANDER: How am I supposed to read? ANYA: I don't know, I'm staring right at this stuff and I can't read it. XANDER: Well, how's the translation coming? (Anya looking very annoyed)What have we got so far? ANYA: (sighs, looks at notebook) So far we've got "the." Well, either "the" or "towards," I'm not really sure. (writes something down) I can't do this. I'm in retail. Stupid ancient Sumerian. JONATHAN: (O.S.) I'm pretty sure it's Babylonian. Anya and Xander look up. Jonathan is standing on the opposite side of the counter. JONATHAN: The text is similar, but the dialect is completely different. XANDER: Great. Babylonian. Thanks a bushel. But unless you can read Babylonian, why don't you sit back down. Jonathan goes back to sit next to Andrew again. ANDREW: (softly) Why are you helping them? JONATHAN: Because they're saving our lives, you moron. ANDREW: Uh-huh. And what then? Even if they k*ll that Wicca bitch, you think they're just gonna let us walk? They own us. JONATHAN: So what do you want me to do? ANDREW: Look around. You know magic. We're in a magic shop. We can take them. Jonathan looks at him incredulously. ANDREW: The books are sucked dry, but so what? There's still like tons of supplies all around us. This is the best chance we're gonna get to make it out of here. JONATHAN: And do what? ANDREW: Start over. We can be a Duo. You and me. You can even be the leader, I swear, I'll take orders. (Jonathan looking contemplative) I like taking orders. Just tell me what to do. Jonathan looks like he's considering it. JONATHAN: You want an order? Suddenly Jonathan jumps up, grabbing Andrew by the front of his shirt, and slams him against a bookcase. JONATHAN: Grow up. XANDER: Hey now, play nice, fellas, or you'll break our concentration. ANYA: Which means no protection spell. Jonathan lets go of Andrew. XANDER: And Willow will make you two boneless chickens skinless, too. ANDREW: And then what? You think your little witch buddy's gonna stop with us? (Xander and Anya glaring at him) You saw her! She's a truck-driving Magic Mama! And we've got maybe seconds before Darth Rosenberg grinds everybody into Jawa-burgers, and not one of you bunch has the midichlorians to stop her. XANDER: You've never had any tiny bit of sex, have you? ANYA: The annoying virgin has a point. What if Willow fillets their soles and then comes after us? XANDER: She won't. ANYA: You don't know that. XANDER: We're her friends, Anya. Her family. She would never hurt us. ANYA: She tried to use you for a hood ornament, Xander. She doesn't care if you live or die. Xander looks stung by that. XANDER: Guess you two finally have something in common b*at. Anya looks slightly chastised. She turns back to her research. ANYA: I care if you live or die, Xander. I'm just not sure which one I want. XANDER: Again with the comfort. Look, we both know things might get ugly at, uh, Wiccapalooza. And if it gets really bad... ANYA: (still not looking at him) Let me guess. You'll propose? Xander looks a bit hurt by that too, but he presses on. XANDER: I need to know if you're gonna turn on me. Use this little shindig as an excuse for some sweet revenge. ANYA: (finally turns to look at him) There is nothing in this world that could give me greater or more lasting satisfaction than to reap bloody vengeance upon you, Xander Harris. But I can't. Not officially, not magically . (sarcastic) So smile, it's your lucky day. You got away with it, I can't hurt you. XANDER: Right, 'cause you varnishing the table with Spike, how could that possibly have hurt? It may have chafed... ANYA: (more quietly) That wasn't vengeance. It was solace. Xander looks surprised and very hurt. Anya looks upset too. ANYA: (sighs) Look ... I really can't hurt you, so, I'm just gonna have to settle for hating you. XANDER: If that's what you need to do. ANYA: (angry) Don't! You don't get to play the martyr. XANDER: I'm not. ANYA: You know, none of this would be happening if it weren't for you. XANDER: You think I don't know that? You think I'm the hero of this piece? (upset) I saw the g*n. Before Warren raised it, I ... I saw it, and I couldn't move. He sh*t two of my friends ... before I could even... You want me to know how useless I am? That it's my fault? Thanks. Already got the memo. Anya looks sympathetic. ANYA: (softly) I was talking about us. They return to studying their books. Cut back to Rack's. BUFFY: You need to back down a minute and think, Will. WILLOW: I wasn't gonna hurt her. Buzzkill. DAWN: (whispers, upset) She tried to turn me back... BUFFY: (advancing slowly) You're attacking the people who love you now? WILLOW: Only the ones in my way. BUFFY: That's not ... You need help. WILLOW: I'm doing fine on my own, thanks. Buffy gets right up next to them, still moving slowly. Suddenly she reaches out and grabs Dawn. BUFFY: Dawn, get out of here. Go! Dawn runs to the door, but it's suddenly locked. WILLOW: Don't. We're all friends. BUFFY: Willow, I know what you want to do, but you have to listen to me. The forces inside you are incredibly powerful. They're strong ... but you're stronger. (Dawn cowering in the corner) You have to remember you're still Willow. WILLOW: (scoffs) Let me tell you something about Willow. (advancing toward Buffy) She's a loser. And she always has been. People picked on Willow in junior high school, high school, up until college. With her stupid mousy ways. And now? Willow's a junkie. BUFFY: I can help. WILLOW: The only thing Willow was ever good for... She pauses, drops the bitter sarcasm and grows pensive. WILLOW: ...the only thing I had going for me ... were the moments - just moments - when Tara would look at me and I was wonderful. (grimly) And that will never happen again. BUFFY: I know this hurts. Bad. But Willow, if you let loose with the magicks, it will never end. WILLOW: (smiles nastily) Promise? BUFFY: You don't want that. WILLOW: Why not? Dawn moves away from the wall and approaches them. BUFFY: Because you lose everything. Your friends, your self... Willow, if you let this control you then the world goes away. And all of us with it. There's so much to live for. (forcefully) Will, there's too much- WILLOW: (scoffs) Oh, please! This is your pitch? Buffy, you hate it here as much as I do. I'm just more honest about it. BUFFY: That's not true. WILLOW: You're trying to sell me on the world. The camera starts to do a slow turn thing where it stays focused on Willow but the background turns behind her... WILLOW: The one where you lie to your friends when you're not trying to k*ll them? And you screw a vampire just to feel? And insane asylums are the comfy alternative? This world? Buffy, it's me. I know you were happier when you were in the ground. The only time you were ever at peace in your whole life is when you were d*ad. Until Willow brought you back. The background has been changing as it turns... WILLOW: You know, with magic? Buffy suddenly blinks, looks disoriented. WILLOW: Oh. Sorry, the trip can be kind of rough... Dawn, standing next to Willow, is looking shocked and disoriented too. We see that they are now in the Magic Shop. WILLOW: ...if you're, you know , not me. We see Xander behind the counter, staring at them in surprise. Dawn looks around, suddenly collapses on the floor. BUFFY: Dawn! Buffy kneels next to Dawn. Willow turns, spots the remaining two Nerds sitting at the table again. Willow smiles. WILLOW: Jonathan. Andrew. (the geeks looking scared) You boys like magic, don't you? She smiles as magic starts to flow around her. WILLOW: Abracadabra. She lifts both her hands toward them. Streams of purple-black magic flow from her hands and toward them. A breeze ruffles her hair. Lightning flashes. Blackout. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Act IV -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same scene. Willow is throwing magic at the Nerds, but it stops before it actually reaches them. Willow stops. WILLOW: Okay. Didn't see that coming. The Nerds are unharmed, and surprised. ANDREW: W-what was that? JONATHAN: We're alive. WILLOW: You guys want to take it slow? (Jonathan and Andrew exchanging a fearful look) I can do that, too. (smiles) Ask Warren. Willow lifts her hands and resumes with the magic. sh*t of Buffy sitting on the floor beside Dawn, both leaning against the counter looking weak. BUFFY: Don't! Willow continues throwing magic across the table at the Geeks, who are scared but untouched. Reveal Anya in a hidden nook around the corner, holding the magic book and muttering in Sumerian, or possibly Babylonian. She looks nervously around the corner and we can see the light from Willow's magic illuminating Anya. She looks back down at the book, continuously chanting. Willow stops again. Jonathan and Andrew exchange another fearful look. JONATHAN: Let's get out of here. They move toward one side of the table to go around it. Willow moves that way too. They stop, run the other way and toward the door to the back, which is standing open. WILLOW: No no, stay. The door closes itself in front of them. They stop, turn back. WILLOW: I mean, we're just getting started. Behind Willow, Buffy and Dawn finally get up. Jonathan and Andrew grab swords that are hanging on the wall. WILLOW: I've got big party plans. BUFFY: Will- XANDER: (to Buffy) No, don't. WILLOW: Guys, come on. I'm just getting wood for the v*olence here. And you know what they say ... if at first you don't succeed... She lifts her hands and starts blasting magic again. Cut to the cave. Spike hurtles against a wall, groaning. He has a large bruise or burn on his chest, and various other burns and injuries. He slumps down onto the ground, wipes blood from his mouth with the back of one hand. SPIKE: Had enough? He pulls himself to his feet. The muscle-man with the flaming hands punches Spike again. He stumbles backward, goes around a large pillar, comes out from the other side and takes a swing. Muscle-man ducks, punches Spike again. He reels against another wall, bounces back, takes a few more punches and goes down. On the next punch, Spike grabs the other man's fist, flames and all. He winces in pain but holds on, then shoves muscle-man back with a strong thrust. SPIKE: (holding up his burnt hand) Bad move, bad move, bad move... He ducks another punch, grabs muscle-man's arm and flips him over onto his back. While muscle-man is on the ground, Spike kicks him in the groin, flipping him over. Spike straddles muscle-man's shoulders and takes hold of his head, twists it violently, breaking his neck. Spike straightens up, panting. SPIKE: Looks like local boy loses. The demon reappears, still in shadow so we can't see it too clearly. DEMON: So it would appear. SPIKE: Good on me, then. I get what I came for. I passed, right? DEMON: Indeed. You have passed the first stage of the test. SPIKE: Right, I get... (pauses) Wait. First stage? Silence. The demon's eyes glow greenish-blue. SPIKE: Bugger. Cut back to the Magic Box. Willow is still sending magic toward the Nerds. They stand wincing, holding their swords, as the magic fails to harm them. Willow stops again, seeming amused. WILLOW: Damn, that is one effective counter-spell. Jonathan and Andrew stare at her, scared, clutching the swords. WILLOW: Won't keep you alive, though. BUFFY: Will, stop. You need to give this up now. WILLOW: (ignoring her) I get it. You boys put a, a spell on yourselves, didn't you. Protecting you from harm ... from magicks. That's cute. BUFFY: Will, back off before somebody gets hurt. WILLOW: How 'bout I back off right after? (to nerds) So, which one of you boys worked the mojo? The nerds just stare, too scared to say anything. WILLOW: Doesn't matter, really. I'm just curious. sh*t of Anya still hiding in her nook, chanting her protection spell. WILLOW: Just because I can't do magicks to you, doesn't mean I can't do them on myself. Magic crackles around Willow as she bends her head and mutters something in Latin(?). More swirling magic and crackles of lightning just around Willow. Then the magic fades and she lifts her head, smiling. WILLOW: Now I'm pretty sure I'm strong enough to b*at you to death. The boys have retreated behind the table again. Willow reaches down and casually takes hold of a corner of the table, topples it over and throws it aside with ease. The books go flying, the table lies on its side. The boys look terrified. Willow starts toward them. Buffy moves over and blocks her way. BUFFY: I don't want to hurt you. Willow punches Buffy. Buffy flies backward a long way, crashing into a magazine rack against a wall. The geeks look even more scared. Xander looks alarmed, moves in front of Dawn. WILLOW: Not a problem. Willow starts toward the guys again. Buffy gets up, now wearing her kick-ass expression. She strides over to get in front of Willow again. BUFFY: I said I didn't *want* to. Buffy backhands Willow. Now it's Willow's turn to fly backward, crashing into a glass display case. Crash, tinkle, broken glass and wood and merchandise everywhere. Willow lands in a heap on the floor. BUFFY: Didn't say I wouldn't. Xander rushes toward the nerds. XANDER: Let's go. JONATHAN: What about Willow? XANDER: Buffy can handle her. DAWN: Are you sure? XANDER: No, that's why we're leaving. Xander, Dawn, Jonathan, and Andrew rush for the door. On the way, Xander passes Anya in her nook. XANDER: Come on! ANYA: I can't, I, I have to stay here to keep the spell going on Willow. XANDER: No, but... ANYA: (harshly) Go, do something right! Xander hesitates just another instant, then takes off with the others. Anya resumes chanting. Xander, Dawn, and the Nerds get to the door, open it, start out. Willow, still on the floor, looks up and sees this. WILLOW: No! Willow gets up, but Buffy strides up behind her and grabs the back of her jacket, throws her back away from the door. Willow slides across the floor, comes to a stop by the stairs leading up to the loft. Buffy stands there, ready. Willow gets up and faces Buffy. It's a showdown. Zoom in on Willow's face. Zoom in on Buffy's face. WILLOW: So. (smiling) Here we are. BUFFY: Are we really gonna do this? WILLOW: Come on, this is a huge deal for me! Six years as a side man, and now I get to be the Slayer. BUFFY: A k*ller isn't a Slayer. Being a Slayer means something you can't conceive of. WILLOW: (sighing, shaking her head) Oh, Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked. BUFFY: Then show me what you got. And I'll show you what a Slayer really is. They move toward each other and begin to fight. First they grapple and Willow tries a head-butt, then kicks Buffy in the stomach, punches her. Buffy ducks another swing and hits Willow, then punches her in the face. Willow does a spin-kick and gets Buffy in the face, then another kick. Buffy tries to kick Willow but Willow does a flip over her head, landing behind Buffy. Buffy turns and kicks Willow, tries to punch but Willow grabs her arm and hits her with her other hand. Willow throws Buffy across the room and against a bookcase. Cut to the street. Andrew, still holding his sword, walks along with the others. ANDREW: Where are you taking us? DAWN: Someplace safe. JONATHAN: Like where? DAWN: Xander? Xander walks fast, looking at a loss. XANDER: I don't know. Cut back to the Magic Box. Willow holds out her hand toward Buffy. Buffy is still up against the bookshelves, between them and the ladder leading to the loft. Books begin to fly off the shelves and h*t Buffy, trapping her. She clings to the ladder. Willow turns and starts to walk off. Scraping noises as Buffy manages to push the ladder away and get out from behind it. She rushes Willow from behind, knocking her to the floor and getting on top of her. WILLOW: Get off, super-bitch. Willow throws Buffy off and she flies into the counter, shattering more glass. They grapple again and exchange some punches. Willow kicks Buffy several times, then Buffy kicks her and punches her. Willow swings but Buffy grabs her arm. BUFFY: I can help you stop. Willow breaks the hold and punches Buffy several times. WILLOW: I thought you were gonna show me what a Slayer was. Cut to the street. The group continues to run along, but Jonathan is falling behind. Still holding his sword, but he's panting and running painfully. JONATHAN: Can't ... run any more. (they stop) I need to ... breathe. He leans over with hands on his knees, gasping. XANDER: If you wanna keep breathing, you gotta keep moving. ANDREW: (to Xander) This is bogus. We gotta get out of this town. (realizing something, turning to Jonathan) Mexico. We should go to Mexico. XANDER: Hey. You're not going anywhere. We just gotta find a place to hide you two until we get the all-clear from Buffy. ANDREW: Yeah, and what if the Slayer's d*ad already? (Dawn looking alarmed) We're just supposed to sit around waiting for Sabrina to show up and disembowel us? XANDER: You do what I say to- Andrew suddenly lifts his sword, putting its point to Xander's throat. ANDREW: I don't think so. Cut back to the magic shop. Buffy punches Willow a few times, blocks her punch and shoves her across the room, bringing down more furniture and merchandise. More crashing, stuff shattered, etc. Willow sits up ... and notices Anya. Her hiding place has been revealed by the latest destruction of furniture. Anya continues chanting, staring right at Willow, looking scared but defiant. Buffy looks alarmed. WILLOW: Well, hey. Isn't that interesting. Anya's still here. Willow gets up. Buffy runs over to intercede but Willow just shoves her aside, into yet another table covered with stuff. More crashing and shattering. Anya keeps chanting defiantly, staring at Willow, who advances on her. WILLOW: Looks like I've been beating on the wrong gal. Cut back to the street. Xander stands very still with the sword point at his chin. XANDER: Whoa, whoa. Okay, Andy. Let's just put the sword down. ANDREW: Oh, no way. I'm not gonna die because of something I didn't even do. XANDER: You're not gonna die. Dawn steps forward. DAWN: (firmly) Leave him alone. Jonathan extends his own sword, putting its point on the back of Andrew's neck. JONATHAN: Let him go, Andrew. (b*at) You heard me. ANDREW: You let me go first. JONATHAN: Uh-uh. Him. ANDREW: It's your move. JONATHAN: No. Yours. ANDREW: I'm not moving. (Dawn watching tensely) I'm not gonna budge 'til... Jonathan pushes his sword into Andrew's neck. ANDREW: ...right now. (whiny) Ow! Andrew lowers his sword and glares at Jonathan. JONATHAN: Xander's right. We're not leaving Sunnydale. When this is over, you and I are going back to jail to do our time. Cut to the Magic Box. Willow has Anya by the throat, holding her up off the ground. ANYA: Help me! Looking very scared, Anya looks past Willow to Buffy, lying apparently unconscious among the wreckage of the furniture. ANYA: Help me! (to Willow) You're hurting me. WILLOW: You can't block my spells if you can't chant. And you can't chant if you're sleepin'. Willow throws Anya aside. Anya crashes into another bookcase and falls to the ground, groaning, possibly unconscious. Willow looks over at Buffy, who is conscious now and gets to her feet. They square off again. WILLOW: Buffy ... I gotta tell ya ... I get it now. The Slayer thing really isn't about the v*olence. They circle around each other, watching each other carefully. WILLOW: It's about the power. Magic begins to crackle around Willow again. She lifts her hands and blasts Buffy with a bolt of magic. It throws Buffy back onto the desk. She slides across the desk and lands on the floor beside it, groaning. Willow walks a little closer, looking satisfied. Buffy doesn't get up, stays down with her forehead pressed against the floor, looking exhausted. WILLOW: And there's no one in the world with the power to stop me now. Suddenly a huge blast of green magic energy hits Willow from the side. She goes flying a huge distance across the room, lands on the floor and slides some more. She comes to a stop and lifts her head. Her nose is bleeding. She looks surprised, looks up in the direction the magic came from. Reveal Giles standing in the doorway, wearing a long black coat and no glasses. GILES: I'd like to test that theory. Blackout. End of episode. (since this was aired as a 2-hour movie with "Grave," there are no closing credits.)

{"type": "series", "show": "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "episode": "06x21 - Two To Go"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: A corridor at a sperm bank. Sheldon: So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed it will not go through both slits. If it’s unobserved it will, however, if it’s observed after it’s left the plane but before it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits. Leonard: Agreed, what’s your point? Sheldon: There’s no point, I just think it’s a good idea for a tee-shirt. Leonard (to receptionist): Excuse me? Receptionist (pondering a crossword): Hang on. (Long pause) Leonard: One across is Aegean, eight down is Nabakov, twenty-six across is MCM, fourteen down is… move your finger… phylum, which makes fourteen across Port-au-Prince. See, Papa Doc’s capital idea, that’s Port-au-Prince. Haiti. Receptionist: Can I help you? Leonard: Yes. Um, is this the… High IQ sperm bank? Receptionist: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn’t be here. Sheldon: I think this is the place. Receptionist: Fill these out. Leonard: Thank-you. We’ll be right back. Receptionist: Oh, take your time. I’ll just finish my crossword puzzle. Oh wait. (They sit and begin to fill in forms). Sheldon: Leonard, I don’t think I can do this. Leonard: What, are you kidding? You’re a semi-pro. Sheldon: No. We are committing genetic fraud. There’s no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high IQ offspring, think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers. Leonard: Sheldon, this was your idea. A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment. Sheldon: I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads, but there’s some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a toddler who doesn’t know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve the area under a curve. Leonard: I’m sure she’ll still love him. Sheldon: I wouldn’t. Leonard: Well, what do you want to do? Sheldon: I want to leave. Leonard: Okay. Sheldon: What’s the protocol for leaving? Leonard: I don’t know, I’ve never reneged on a proffer of sperm before. Sheldon: Let’s try just walking out. Leonard: Okay. (They slowly put down their forms, get up, and head towards the door.) Receptionist (not looking up): Bye. Together: Bye-bye/see you. Scene: The stairs of the apartment building. Sheldon: Are you still mad about the sperm bank? Leonard: No. Sheldon: You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs? Leonard: Not really. Sheldon: If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimetres, people will trip. Leonard: I don’t care. Two millimetres? That doesn’t seem right. Sheldon: No, it’s true, I did a series of experiments when I was twelve, my father broke his clavicle. Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school? Sheldon: No, that was the result of my work with lasers. (Leonard spots Penny in the doorway of the apartment opposite. He is immediately interested.) Leonard: New neighbour? Sheldon: Evidently. Leonard: Significant improvement over the old neighbour. Sheldon: Two hundred pound tr*nsv*stite with a skin condition, yes she is. Penny (noticing them for the first time): Oh, hi! Leonard: Hi. Sheldon: Hi. Leonard: Hi. Sheldon: Hi. Penny: Hi? Leonard: We don’t mean to interrupt, we live across the hall. Penny: Oh, that’s nice. Leonard: Oh… uh… no… we don’t live together… um… we live together but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms. Penny: Oh, okay, well, guess I’m your new neighbour, Penny. Leonard: Leonard, (pointing) Sheldon. Penny: Hi. Leonard: Hi. Sheldon: Hi. Penny: Hi. Leonard: Hi. Well… uh… oh, welcome to the building. Penny: Thankyou, maybe we can have coffee sometime. Leonard: Oh, great. Penny: Great. Sheldon: Great. Leonard: Great. Well, bye. Penny: Bye. Sheldon: Bye. Leonard: Bye. (Penny closes door.) Leonard: Should we have invited her for lunch? Sheldon: No. We’re going to start Season Two of Battlestar Galactica. Leonard: We already watched the Season Two DVDs. Sheldon: Not with commentary. Leonard: I think we should be good neighbours, invite her over, make her feel welcome. Sheldon: We never invited Louis-slash-Louise over. Leonard: Well, then that was wrong of us. We need to widen our circle. Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on myspace. Leonard: Yes, and you’ve never met one of them. Sheldon: That’s the beauty of it. Leonard: I’m going to invite her over. We’ll have a nice meal and chat. Sheldon: Chat? We don’t chat. At least not offline. Leonard: Well it’s not difficult, you just listen to what she says and then you say something appropriate in response. (He knocks on Penny’s door). Sheldon: To what end? (Penny opens door). Leonard: Hi. Again. Penny: Hi. Sheldon: Hi. Leonard: Hi. Penny: Hi. Leonard: Anyway, um. We brought home Indian food. And, um. I know that moving can be stressful, and I find that when I’m undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect. Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don’t have to that, uh, a clean colon is just… one less thing to worry about. Sheldon: Leonard, I’m not expert here but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation, you might want to skip the reference to bowel movements. Penny: Oh, you’re inviting me over to eat? Leonard: Uh, yes. Penny: Oh, that’s so nice, I’d love to. Leonard: Great. Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here? Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money. Credits sequence. Scene: Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment. Leonard: Okay, well, make yourself at home. Penny: Okay, thankyou. Leonard: You’re very welcome. (Sheldon pulls a face). Penny (looking at whiteboard): This looks like some serious stuff, Leonard, did you do this? Sheldon: Actually that’s my work. Penny: Wow. Sheldon: Yeah, well, it’s just some quantum mechanics, a little string theory doodling around the edges. That part there, that’s just a joke, it’s a spoof of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation. Penny: So you’re like, one of those, beautiful mind genius guys. Sheldon: Yeah. Penny: This is really impressive. Leonard: I have a board. If you like boards, this is my board. Penny: Holy smokes. Sheldon: If by holy smokes you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men’s room at MIT, sure. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Oh, come on. Who hasn’t seen this differential below “here I sit broken hearted?” Leonard: At least I didn’t have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out. Sheldon: I didn’t invent, they’re there. Leonard: In what universe? Sheldon: In all of them, that is the point. Penny: Uh, do you guys mind if I start? Sheldon: Um, Penny, that’s where I sit. Penny: So, sit next to me. Sheldon: No, I sit there. Penny: What’s the difference? Sheldon: What’s the difference? Leonard: Here we go. Sheldon: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it’s directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there, and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion, I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point. Penny: Do you want me to move? Sheldon: Well…. Leonard (to Sheldon): Just sit somewhere else. Sheldon (after hesitation): Fine. (Wanders in circles, looking lost.) Leonard: Sheldon, sit! (he does). Sheldon (fake voice): Aaah! Leonard: Well this is nice. We don’t have a lot of company over. Sheldon: That’s not true. Koothrapali and Wolowitz come over all the time. Leonard: Yes I now, but… Sheldon: Tuesday night we played Klingon boggle until one in the morning. Leonard: Yes, I remember. Sheldon: I resent you saying we don’t have company. Leonard: I’m sorry. Sheldon: That is an antisocial implication. Leonard: I said I’m sorry. Penny: So… Klingon boggle? Leonard: Yeah, it’s like regular boggle but, in Klingon. That’s probably enough about us, tell us about you. Penny: Um, me, okay, I’m Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know. Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations and the time of your birth somehow effects your personality. Penny: Participate in the what? Leonard: I think what Sheldon’s trying to say, is that Sagittarius wouldn’t have been our first guess. Penny: Oh, yeah, a lot of people think I’m a water sign. Okay, let’s see, what else, oh, I’m a vegetarian, oh, except for fish, and the occasional steak, I love steak. Sheldon: That’s interesting. Leonard can’t process corn. Leonard: Wu-uh, do you have some sort of a job? Penny: Oh, yeah, I’m a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard: Oh, okay. I love cheesecake. Sheldon: You’re lactose intolerant. Leonard: I don’t eat it, I just think it’s a good idea. Penny: Oh, anyways, I’m also writing a screenplay. It’s about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. from Lincoln Nebraska to be an actress, and winds up a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard: So it’s based on your life? Penny: No, I’m from Omaha. Leonard: Well, if that was a movie I would go see it. Penny: I know, right? Okay, let’s see, what else? Um, that’s about it. That’s the story of Penny. Leonard: Well it sounds wonderful. Penny: It was. Until I fell in love with a jerk. (Bursts into tears). Sheldon (mouths): What’s happening. Leonard (mouths back): I don’t know. Penny: Oh God, you know, four years I lived with him, four years, that’s like as long as High School. Sheldon: It took you four years to get through High School? Leonard: Don’t. Penny: I just, I can’t believe I trusted him (Jumps up and runs to kitchen. Sheldon immediately jumps into her seat.) Leonard: Should I say something? I feel like I should say something. Sheldon: You? No, you’ll only make it worse. Penny: You want to know the most pathetic part? Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts, I still love him. Is that crazy? Sheldon: Yes. Leonard: No, it’s not crazy it’s, uh, it’s a paradox. And paradoxes are part of nature, think about light. Now if you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments, but then, along comes Albert Einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles too. (Penny just looks at him. To Sheldon) Well, I didn’t make it worse. Penny: Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m such a mess, and on top of everything else I’m all gross from moving and my stupid shower doesn’t even work. Leonard: Our shower works. Penny: Really? Would it be totally weird if I used it? Sheldon: Yes. Leonard: No. Sheldon: No? Leonard: No. Sheldon: No. Leonard: It’s right down the hall. Penny: Thanks. You guys are really sweet. (She leaves in direction of bathroom.) Sheldon: Well this is an interesting development. Leonard: How so? Sheldon: It has been some time since we’ve had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment. Leonard: That’s not true, remember at Thanksgiving my grandmother with Alzheimer’s had that episode. Sheldon: Point taken. It has been some time since we’ve had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn’t want to rip our eyes out. Leonard: The worst part was watching her carve that turkey. Sheldon: So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here? Leonard: Excuse me? Sheldon: That woman in there’s not going to have sex with you. Leonard: Well I’m not trying to have sex with her. Sheldon: Oh, good. Then you won’t be disappointed. Leonard: What makes you think she wouldn’t have sex with me, I’m a male and she’s a female? Sheldon: Yes, but not of the same species. Leonard: I’m not going to engage in hypotheticals here, I’m just trying to be a good neighbour. Sheldon: Oh, of course. Leonard: That’s not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop that I wouldn’t participate. However briefly. Sheldon: Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered when she discovers your Luke Skywalker no-more-tears shampoo? Leonard: It’s Darth Vader shampoo. (There is a knock on the door.) Luke Skywalker’s the conditioner. (Opens door. Enter Howard and Raj.) Howard: Wait till you see this. Raj: It’s fantastic. Unbelievable. Leonard: See what? Howard (putting a DVD in the machine): It’s a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974. Leonard: This is not a good time. Howard (putting on a Stephen Hawking voice): It’s before he became a creepy computer voice:. Leonard: That’s great, you guys have to go. Raj: Why? Leonard: It’s just not a good time. Sheldon: Leonard has a lady over. Howard: Yeah, right, your grandmother back in town? Leonard: No. And she’s not a lady, she’s just a new neighbour. Howard: Hang on, there really is a lady here? Leonard: Uh-huh. Howard: And you want us out because you’re anticipating coitus? Leonard: I’m not anticipating coitus. Howard: So she’s available for coitus? Leonard: Can we please stop saying coitus? Sheldon: Technically that would be coitus interruptus. Penny (entering wrapped in a towel): Hey, is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower. Oh. Hi, sorry. Hello! Howard: Enchante Madamoiselle. Howard Wolowitz, Cal-Tech department of Applied Physics. You may be familiar with some of my work, it’s currently orbiting Jupiter’s largest moon taking high-resolution digital photographs. Penny: Penny. I work at the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard: Come on, I’ll show you the trick with the shower. Howard: Bon douche. Penny: I’m sorry? Howard: It’s French for good shower. It’s a sentiment I can express in six languages. Leonard: Save it for your blog, Howard. Howard: See-ka-tong-guay-jow. Scene: In the bathroom. Leonard (fiddling with the water outlet): Uh, there it goes, it sticks, I’m sorry. Penny (stepping into shower): Okay. Thanks. Leonard: You’re welcome, oh, you’re going to step right, okay, I’ll…. Penny: Hey, Leonard? Leonard: The hair products are Sheldon’s. Penny: Um, okay. Can I ask you a favour. Leonard: A favour? Sure, you can ask me a favour, I would do you a favour for you. Penny: It’s okay if you say no. Leonard: Oh, I’ll probably say yes. Penny: It’s just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you’ve just met. Leonard: Wow. Scene: Leonard and Sheldon, Inside Leonard’s car Sheldon: I really think we should examine the chain of causality here. Leonard: Must we? Sheldon: Event A. A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower. Event B. We drive half way across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman’s ex-boyfriend. Query, on what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events? Leonard: She asked me to do her a favour, Sheldon. Sheldon: Ah, yes, well that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to the higher level distal cause. Leonard: Which is? Sheldon: You think with your penis. Leonard: That’s a biological impossibility and you didn’t have to come. Sheldon: Oh, right, yes, I could have stayed behind and watched Wolowitz try to h*t on Penny in Russian, Arabic and Farsi. Why can’t she get her own TV. Leonard: Come on, you know how it is with break-ups. Sheldon: No I don’t. And neither do you. Leonard: Wuh… I… I broke up with Joyce Kim. Sheldon: You did not break up with Joyce Kim, she defected to North Korea. Leonard: To mend her broken heart. This situation is much less complicated. There’s some kind of dispute between Penny and her ex-boyfriend as to who gets custody of the TV. She just wanted to avoid having a scene with him. Sheldon: So we get to have a scene with him? Leonard: No, Sheldon, there’s not going to be a scene. There’s two of us and one of him. Sheldon: Leonard, the two of us can’t even carry a TV. Scene: Back at the apartment. Penny (to Raj): So, you guys work with Leonard and Sheldon at the University? (Raj looks at her, looks back at his food, takes a mouthful). Penny: Uh, I’m sorry, do you speak English? Howard: Oh, he speaks English, he just can’t speak to women. Penny: Really, why? Howard: He’s kind of a nerd. Juice box? Scene: Outside Penny’s old apartment building. Leonard (pushes buzzer): I’ll do the talking. Voice from buzzer: Yeah. Leonard: Hi, I’m Leonard, this is Sheldon. Sheldon: Hello. Leonard: What did I just…. Uh, we’re here to pick up Penny’s TV. Voice: Get lost. Sheldon: Okay, thanks for your time. Leonard: We’re not going to give up just like that. Sheldon: Leonard, the TV is in the building, we’ve been denied access to the building, ergo we are done. Leonard: Excuse me, if I were to give up at the first little hitch I never would have been able to identify the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the big bang. Sheldon: My apologies. What’s your plan. (Leonard starts rattling the doors violently.) Sheldon: It’s just a privilege to watch your mind at work. Leonard: Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360, we should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building. (Two girl scouts arrive carrying bags of cookies. One runs her hand down the intercom, pushing all the buttons. The door is buzzed open.) Sheldon: What do you think their combined IQ is? Leonard: Just grab the door. Scene: Outside Penny’s ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Leonard: This is it. (Knocks.) I’ll do the talking. Sheldon: Good thinking, I’ll just be the muscle. (Door opens. Enormous man is stood there.) Enormous man: Yeah? Leonard: I’m Leonard, this is Sheldon. Sheldon: From the intercom. Man: How the hell did you get in the building? Leonard: Oh. We’re scientists. Sheldon: Tell him about our IQ. Scene: Outside the apartment building. Leonard and Sheldon exit. They are not wearing trousers. Sheldon: Leonard. Leonard: What? Sheldon: My mom bought me those pants. Leonard: I’m sorry. Sheldon: You’re going to have to call her. Scene: On the stairs of Sheldon and Leonard’s building. Leonard: Sheldon, I’m so sorry I dragged you through this. Sheldon: It’s okay. It wasn’t my first pantsing, and it won’t be my last. Leonard: And you were right about my motives, I was hoping to establish a relationship with Penny that might have some day led to sex. Sheldon: Well you got me out of my pants. Leonard: Anyway, I’ve learned my lesson. She’s out of my league, I’m done with her, I’ve got my work, one day I’ll win the Nobel Prize and then I’ll die alone. Sheldon: Don’t think like that, you’re not going to die alone. Leonard: Thank you Sheldon, you’re a good friend. Sheldon: And you’re certainly not going to win a Nobel Prize. Scene: Inside Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment. Howard (on laptop): This is one of my favourite places to kick back after a quest, they have a great house ale. Penny: Wow, cool tiger. Howard: Yeah, I’ve had him since level ten. His name is Buttons. Anyway, if you had your own game character we could hang out, maybe go on a quest. Penny: Uh, sounds interesting. Howard: So you’ll think about it? Penny: Oh, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop thinking about it. Raj: Smooth. Leonard (entering with Sheldon): We’re home. Penny: Oh, my God, what happened? Leonard: Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards and I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory. Penny: I’m so sorry, I really thought if you guys went instead of me he wouldn’t be such an ass. Leonard: No, it was a valid hypothesis. Sheldon: That was a valid hypothesis? What is happening to you? Penny (hugging them both): Really, thank you so much for going and trying you’re, uh, you’re so terrific. Why don’t you put some clothes on, I’ll get my purse and dinner is on me, okay? Leonard: Really? Great. Sheldon: Thank you. (Penny leaves.) You’re not done with her, are you? Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful. Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary. Scene: All five in Leonard’s car. Leonard: Is Thai food okay with you Penny? Penny: Sure. Sheldon: We can’t have Thai food, we had Indian for lunch. Penny: So? Sheldon: They’re both curry based cuisines. Penny: So? Sheldon: They would be gastronomically redundant. I can see we’re going to have to spell out everything for this girl. Penny: Any ideas Raj? (He just looks at her with a worried expression.) Howard: Turn left on Lake Street and head up to Colorado. I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke. Penny: That sounds like fun. Howard (sings): Baby, baby don’t get hooked on me. Uh, baby, baby don’t get hooked on me. Sheldon (to Leonard): I don’t know what your odds are in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes, you’re a veritable Mack Daddy. (Leonard grins. Fade out as Howard continues to sing.)

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x01 - The Pilot"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment. Sheldon, Leonard, Howard and Raj are present. Leonard: There you go, Pad Thai, no peanuts. Howard: But does it have peanut oil? Leonard: Uh, I’m not sure, everyone keep an eye on Howard in case he starts to swell up. Sheldon: Since it’s not bee season, you can have my epinephrine. Raj: Are there any chopsticks? Sheldon: You don’t need chopsticks, this is Thai food. Leonard: Here we go. Sheldon: Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the nineteenth century. Interestingly they don’t actually put the fork in their mouth, they use it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth. Leonard: Ask him for a napkin, I dare you. (There is a knock on the door.) I’ll get it. Howard: Do I look puffy? I feel puffy. (Leonard opens door to Penny, steps into hallway) Penny: Hey Leonard. Leonard: Oh, hi Penny. Penny: Am I interrupting. Leonard: No. Sheldon (off): You’re not swelling, Howard. Howard (off): No, no, look at my fingers, they’re like Vienna sausages. Penny: Sounds like you have company. Leonard: They’re not going anywhere. (Closes door, staying in hallway.) So, you’re coming home from work. That’s great. How was work. Penny: Well, you know, it’s the Cheesecake Factory. People order cheesecake, and I bring it to them. Leonard: So, you sort of act as a carbohydrate delivery system. Penny: Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage. Yeah, anyways, I was wondering if you could help me out with something, I was…. Leonard: Yes. Penny: Oh. Okay, great, I’m having some furniture delivered tomorrow, and I may not be here, so…. (apartment door opens, Sheldon, Raj and Howard appear) Oh! Hel…hello! Howard: (speaks a phrase in Russian). Penny: I’m sorry? Howard: Haven’t you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian? Penny: No, I haven’t. Howard: Get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I probably won’t, but… Hey Sheldon. Sheldon: Hi. Penny: Hey Raj! (Raj looks uncomfortable) Still not talking to me, huh? Sheldon: Don’t take it personally, it’s his pathology, he can’t talk to women. Howard: He can’t talk to attractive women, or in your case a cheesecake–scented Goddess! Leonard: So, there’s gonna be some furniture delivered? Penny: Yeah, yeah, if it gets here and I’m not here tomorrow could you just sign for it and have them put it in my apartment. Leonard: Yeah, no problem. Penny: Great, here’s my spare key. Thank you. Leonard: Penny, wait. Penny: Yeah? Leonard: Um, if you don’t have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon? Penny: A marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there? Sheldon: You’re kidding, right? Penny: Yeah, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes down and catches her, which one was that? Leonard,Sheldon and Howard together: One. (Raj raises one finger). Sheldon: You realise that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy. Penny: Yes, I know, men can’t fly. Sheldon: Oh no, let’s assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Miss Lane, who is now travelling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces. Leonard: Unless, Superman matches her speed and decelerates. Sheldon: In what space, sir, in what space? She’s two feet above the ground. Frankly, if he really loved her, he’d let her h*t the pavement. It would be a more merciful death. Leonard: Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman’s flight is a feat of strength. Sheldon: Are you listening to yourself, it is well established that Superman’s flight is a feat of strength, it is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from Earth’s yellow Sun. Howard: Yeah, and you don’t have a problem with that, how does he fly at night. Sheldon: Uh, a combination of the moon’s solar reflection and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells. Penny: I’m just going to go wash up. Leonard: I have 26 hundred comic books in there, I challenge you to find a single reference to Kryptonian skin cells. Sheldon: Challenge accepted. (Tries door.) We’re locked out. Raj: Also, the pretty girl left. Credit sequence. Scene: Ground floor hallway of the apartment building. Leonard is signing for the delivery. Leonard: Okay, her apartment’s on the fourth floor but the elevator’s broken so you’re going to have to (delivery man leaves) oh, you’re just going to be done, okay, cool, thanks. I guess we’ll just bring it up ourselves. Sheldon: I hardly think so. Leonard: Why not? Sheldon: Well, we don’t have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper body strength. Leonard: We don’t need strength, we’re physicists. We are the intellectual descendents of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the Earth, it’s just a matter… (starts to move package) I don’t have this… I don’t have this I don’t have this. Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud. Leonard: Do you have any ideas? Sheldon: Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring. Time shift, Leonard and Sheldon are now lowering the package onto the bottom of the stairs. Leonard: Easy, easy (package falls) Okay! Now we’ve got an inclined plane. The force required to lift is reduced by the sine of the angle of the stairs, call it thirty degrees, so about half. Sheldon: Exactly half. Leonard (snarkily): Exactly half. Let’s push. Okay, see, it’s moving, this is easy, all in the math. Sheldon: What’s your formula for the corner. Leonard: What? Oh, okay, uh, okay, yeah, no problem, just come up here and help me pull and turn. (Sheldon heads up the stairs. The package slides back down to the bottom.) Sheldon: Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch. Time shift, they now have the package on an upstairs hallway, not their own. Sheldon: You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman? Leonard: Men do things for women without expecting sex. Sheldon: Yeah, those are men who just had sex. Leonard: I’m doing this to be a good neighbour. In any case, there’s no way it could lower the odds. Quick cut to the hallway of their floor, they are nearing the top of the staircase. Leonard: Almost there, almost there, almost there. (Lets go of package, it starts to slip down) Sheldon: No we’re not, no we’re not, no we’re not. Scene: Inside Penny’s apartment. They are laying the package down on the floor. Sheldon: Watch your fingers. Watch your fingers. Oh God, my fingers! Leonard: You okay? Sheldon: No, it hurt… (looking around) Great Caesar’s Ghost, look at this place? Leonard: So Penny’s a little messy. Sheldon: A little messy? The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy, this is chaos. Excuse me, explain to me an organisational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I’m just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table’s having a tiny garage sale. Leonard: Did it ever occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort, organise and label the entire world around them? Sheldon: No. Leonard: Well they don’t. Hard as it may be for you to believe, most people don’t sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fibre content. Sheldon: Excuse me, but I think we’ve both found that helpful at times. Leonard: Come on, we should go. Sheldon: Hang on. Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: Straightening up. Leonard: Sheldon, this is not your home. Sheldon: This is not anyone’s home, this is a swirling vortex of entropy. Leonard: When the tr*nsv*stite lived here, you didn’t care how he kept the place. Sheldon: Because it was immaculate, I mean, you open that man’s closet, it was left to right, evening gowns, cocktail dresses, then his police uniforms. Leonard: What were you doing in his closet? Sheldon: I helped run some cable for a webcam. Penny (entering): Hey guys. Leonard: Oh, hey Penny, this just arrived, we just brought this up, just now. Penny: Great. Was it hard getting it up the stairs? Sheldon: (sucks in breath) Leonard: No. Sheldon: No? Leonard: No. Sheldon: No. Leonard: Well, we’ll get out of your hair. Penny: Oh, great, thank you again (she throws her jacket over the back of the sofa). Sheldon: Penny, I just want you to know that, you don’t have to live like this. I’m here for you. Penny: What’s he talking about? Leonard: It’s a joke. Penny: I don’t get it. Leonard: Yeah, he didn’t tell it right. Scene: Leonard’s bedroom, he is asleep. Sound of door opening and closing somewhere else is heard. Leonard wakes, puts on his glasses and looks at the clock. It is 2:16. Leonard: Sheldon? Scene: The living room. Leonard enters carrying a light sabre. Leonard: Sheldon? Hello? (Notices front door is open, turns off light sabre.) Scene: Penny’s apartment, penny is sleeping, Sheldon is cleaning. Leonard enters. Leonard: Sheldon! Sheldon: Sssshhhh! Penny’s sleeping. Leonard: Are you insane, you can’t just break into a woman’s apartment in the middle of the night and clean. Sheldon: I had no choice. I couldn’t sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom was our living room, and just outside our living room was that hallway, and immediately adjacent to that hallway was… this. Leonard: Do you realise that if Penny wakes up, there is no reasonable explanation as to why we’re here? Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation. Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation, it’s reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers. Sheldon: Don’t be ridiculous. I have no peers. Leonard: Sheldon, we have to get out of here. (Penny snores) Sheldon: You might want to speak in a lower register. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Evolution has made women sensitive to high pitched noises while they sleep, so that they’ll be roused by a crying baby. If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register. Leonard: That’s ridiculous. (Penny snores again.) Sheldon: No, (lowering his voice dramatically,) that’s ridiculous. Leonard (doing likewise): Fine. I accept your premise, now please let’s go. Sheldon: I am not leaving until I’m done. Leonard: O-o-o-oh! (Collapses against wall). Sheldon: If you have time to lean, you have time to clean. Leonard: Oh, what the hell. Scene: Sheldon and Leonard’s living room, morning. Sheldon enters, singing to himself. Sheldon: Morning. Leonard: Morning. Sheldon: I have to say, I slept splendidly. Granted, not long, but just deeply and well. Leonard: I’m not surprised. A well known folk cure for insomnia is to break into your neighbour’s apartment and clean. Sheldon: Sarcasm? Leonard: You think? Sheldon: Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox, but I think the end result will be a measurable enhancement of Penny’s quality of life. Leonard: You know what, you’ve convinced me, maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet. Sheldon: You don’t think that crosses a line? Leonard: Yes! For God’s sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth. Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign? Leonard: No, I do not have a sarcasm sign. Sheldon: Do you want some cereal. I’m feeling so good today I’m going to choose from the low fibre end of the shelf. Hello, Honey Puffs. Penny (voice off): Son of a Bitch! Leonard: Penny’s up. Penny (voice off): You sick, geeky bastards! Leonard: How did she know it was us? Sheldon: I may have left a suggested organisational schematic for her bedroom closet. Penny (voice off): Leonard! Leonard: God, this is going to be bad. Sheldon: Goodbye, Honey Puffs, hello Big Bran. Penny (entering): You came into my apartment last night when I was sleeping? Leonard: Yes, but, only to clean. Sheldon: Really more to organise, you’re not actually dirty, per se. Penny: Give me back my key. Leonard: I’m very, very sorry. Penny: Do you understand how creepy this is. Leonard: Oh, yes, we discussed it at length last night. Penny: In my apartment, while I was sleeping. Sheldon: And snoring. And that’s probably just a sinus infection, but it could be sleep apnoea, you might want to see an otolaryngologist. It’s a throat doctor. Penny: And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses? Sheldon: Depending on the depth, that’s either a proctologist or a general surgeon. (Leonard holds up a sign reading “Sarcasm”) Oh! Penny: God! Leonard: Okay, look, no Penny, I think what you’re feeling is perfectly valid, and maybe a little bit later today when you’re feeling a little bit less, for lack of a better word, violated, maybe we could talk about this some more. Penny: Stay away from me. Leonard: Sure, that’s another way to go. Sheldon: Penny, Penny, just to clarify because there will be a discussion when you leave, is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping, or do you also object to the imposition of a new organisational paradigm. (Penny stares in disbelief, then leaves.) Well that was a little non-responsive. Leonard: You are going to march yourself over there right now and apologise. (Sheldon laughs.) What’s funny? Sheldon: That wasn’t sarcasm? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Wooh, boy, you are all over the place this morning. (Knocks on Penny’s door.) I have a masters and two PhD’s, I should not have to do this. Penny (opening door): What? Sheldon: I am truly sorry for what happened last night, I take full responsibility. And I hope that it won’t colour your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. (Penny closes door in his face.) I did what I could. Scene: The stairwell. Raj is coming up the stairs, he meets Penny who is going down. Penny: Hey Raj. (Raj stands looking uncomfortable.) Hey, listen, I don’t know if you heard about what happened last night with Leonard and Sheldon, but I’m really upset about it, I mean they just, they let themselves into my place, and then they cleaned it, I mean can you even believe that? How weird is that? Raj (internally, while Penny continues to talk): Ooh, she’s standing very close to me. Oh my, she does smell good. What is that, vanilla? Penny: You know, where I come from, someone comes into your house at night, you sh**t, okay? And you don’t sh**t to wound. I mean, alright, my sister sh*t her husband, but it was an accident, they were drunk. What was I saying? Raj (internally): She’s so chatty. Maybe my parents are right. Maybe I’d be better off with an Indian girl. We’d have the same cultural background, and my wife would sing to my children the same lullabies my mother sang to me. Penny: It’s obvious that they meant well, but I’m just, I’m having a really rough time, like I said, I broke up with my boyfriend, and it’s just freaking me out. Raj (internally sings an Indian lullaby.) Penny: I mean, just because most of the men I’ve known in my life happen to be jerks, doesn’t mean I should just assume Leonard and Sheldon are. Right? Raj (internally): She asked me a question. I should probably nod. (Does.) Penny: That’s exactly what I thought. Thank you for listening. You’re a doll. (She hugs him.) Raj (internally): Oh-oh. Turn your pelvis. (Does.) Scene: Sheldon and Leonard’s living room. Howard is there, playing on a dance video game. Howard (jumping off game mat): Grab a napkin, homie. You just got served. Leonard: It’s fine. You win. Howard: What’s his problem? Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him. Howard: Been there. Raj (entering): Hello. Sorry I’m late. But I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny. Howard: Really? You? Rajesh Koothrapali, spoke to Penny? Raj: Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee. Leonard: What did she say? Is she still mad at me? Raj: Well, she was upset at first, but, probably because her sister sh*t somebody. Then there was something about you and… then she hugged me. Howard: She hugged you? How did she hug you? (Raj hugs Howard.) Is that her perfume I smell? Raj: intoxicating, isn’t it? Scene: The hallway, Leonard puts a note under Penny’s door. It opens. Penny: Hi. Leonard: Oh. Penny: What’s going on? Leonard: Um, here’s the thing. (Reads from note.) Penny. Just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic b*mb, so too I regret my participation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgement. The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognise one’s mistakes. Some mistakes, such as Madame Curie’s discovery of Radium turned out to have great scientific potential even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning. Another example, from the field of ebola research…. Penny: Leonard. Leonard: Yeah. Penny (hugs him): We’re okay. (Kisses him on cheek. Closes door. Leonard looks happy, walks back across hallway and straight into the apartment door.) Scene: Penny’s apartment. Sheldon and Leonard are trying to construct furniture. Leonard: Six two inch dowels. Sheldon: Check. Leonard: One package, Phillips head screws. Sheldon: Check. Penny: Guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm, okay, I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was like twelve, I think I can put together a cheap Swedish media centre. Leonard: No, please, we insist, it’s the least we can do considering. Sheldon: Considering what? How great this place looks? Howard (across room with Raj): Oh boy, I was afraid of this. Leonard: What? Howard: These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components. This right here is why Sweden has no space program. Penny: Well, uh, it looked pretty good in the store. Leonard: It is an inefficient design, for example Penny has a flat screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted. Sheldon: We could put her stereo back there. Leonard: And control it how? Sheldon: Run an infra-red repeater, photocell here, emitter here, easy peasy. Howard (after Raj whispers in his ear): Good point, how you gonna cool it? Penny: Hey guys, I got this. Sheldon: Hang on Penny. How about fans, here and here? Leonard: Also inefficient, and might be loud. Howard: How about liquid coolant? Maybe a little aquarium pump here, run some quarter inch PVC… Penny: Guys, this is actually really simple. Howard: Hold on, honey, men at work. The PVC comes down here, maybe a little corrugated sheet metal as a radiator here. Leonard: Oh, really, show me where we put a drip tray, a sluice and an overflow reservoir? Sheldon: And if water is involved we’re going to have to ground the crap out of the thing. Penny: Guys, it’s hot in here, I think I’ll just take off all my clothes. Leonard: Oh, I’ve got it. How about if we replace panels A, B and F and crossbar H with aircraft grade aluminium. Sheldon: Right, then the entire thing’s one big heat sink. Howard: Perfect, Leonard, why don’t you and Sheldon go down to the junk yard and pick up about six square metres of scrap aluminium, Raj and I will run down to my lab and get the oxy-acetaline torch. Leonard: Meet back here in an hour? Howard: Done. Leonard: Got it. (They all leave). Penny: Okay, this place does look pretty good.

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x02 - The Big Bran Hypothesis"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment. Sheldon, Leonard, Howard and Raj are using laptops. All are wearing microphone headsets. Howard: Alright, just a few more feet, and…. here we are gentlemen, the Gates of Elzebub. Sheldon: Good lord! Raj: Oooh. Leonard: Don’t panic, this is what the last 97 hours have been about. Howard: Stay frosty, there’s a horde of armed goblins on the other side of that gate guarding the Sword of Azeroth. Leonard: Warriors, unsheathe your w*apon, magic wielders raise your wands. Sheldon: Lock and load. Howard: Raj, blow up the gates. Raj: bl*wing the gates. Control, shift, B! Oh, my God, so many goblins! Howard: Don’t just stand there, slash and move, slash and move. Leonard: Stay in formation. Howard: Leonard, you’ve got one on your tail. Leonard: That’s alright, my tail’s prehensile, I’ll swat him off. Raj: I’ve got him Leonard. Tonight I spice my meat with goblin blood! Leonard: Raj, no, it’s a trap, they’re flanking us! Raj: Oooh, he’s got me. Howard: Sheldon, he’s got Raj, use your sleath spell. Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon: I’ve got the Sword of Azeroth! Leonard: Forget the sword, Sheldon, help Raj. Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon, I am the Swordmaster! Howard: Leonard look out! Leonard: Dammit man, we’re dying here. Sheldon: Goodbye, peasants. Leonard: The bastard teleported. Raj: He’s selling the Sword of Azeroth on ebay. Leonard: You betrayed us for money, who are you? Sheldon: I’m a rogue knight elf, don’t you people read character descriptions? Wait, wait, wait, somebody just clicked “buy it now.” Howard: I am the Swordmaster! Credits sequence Scene: The same. Sheldon: Wooh, I’m all sweaty, anybody want to log on to second life and go swimming, I just built a virtual pool. Leonard: No, I can’t look at you or your avatar right now. (Sound of female laughter from out in the hall). Howard: Sounds like your neighbour’s home. Leonard: Excuse me. Sheldon: Don’t forget the mail you took accidentally on purpose so you’d have an excuse to talk to her. Leonard: Oh, right, right right right right. Howard: Stealing snail mail, very old school, I like it. Leonard (exiting to hallway): Penny, the mailman did it again, he… (looks up to see Penny kissing a hunky man) Oh! Sorry. Penny: Um, no, hi Leonard, this is Doug, Doug, this is my neighbour Leonard. Doug: What’s up bro. Leonard: Not much. Bro. Penny: Is, is everything okay. Leonard: Uh, yeah, uh, I just, I got your mail again, here. Penny: Thank you, I’ve got to talk to that mailman. Leonard: Oh no, that’s probably not such a good idea. Civil servants have a documented propensity to, you know, snap. Penny: Okay, well, thank you, again. Leonard: No problem. Bye. Oh, and, bye, bro! (Returns to apartment). Sheldon: Penny for your thoughts. Raj: What’s the matter. Leonard: No, I’m fine. Penny’s fine, the guy she’s kissing is really fine and… Howard: Kissing, what kind of kissing? Cheeks? Lips? Chaste? French? Leonard: What is wrong with you? Howard: I’m a romantic. Sheldon: Please don’t tell me that your hopeless infatuation is devolving into pointless jealousy. Leonard: No, I’m not jealous, I’m just a little concerned for her. I didn’t like the look of the guy that she was with. Howard: Because he looked better than you? Leonard: Yeah. He was kinda dreamy. Sheldon: Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smouldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her, and analyse the data so that you don’t crash into geek mountain again. Howard: I disagree, love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms. Or hits you with the pepper spray. Leonard: Well, I’m done with Penny. I’m going to be more realistic and go after someone my own speed. Raj: Like who? Leonard: I don’t know. Olivia Geiger? Sheldon: The dietician at the cafeteria with the limp and the lazy eye? Leonard: Yeah. Sheldon: Well, I don’t think you have a sh*t there. I have noticed that Lesley Winkle recently started shaving her legs. Now, given that winter is coming one can only assume that she is signalling sexual availability. Howard: I don’t know, you guys work in the same lab. Leonard: So? Howard: There are pitfalls, trust me, I know. When it comes to sexual harassment law I’m… a bit of a self-taught expert. Leonard: Look, Howard, if I were to ask Lesley Winkle out it would just be for dinner, I’m not going to walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me. Howard: Oh, then you’re probably okay. Scene: Howard and Lesley’s lab. Leonard: Hello Lesley. Lesley: Hi Leonard. Leonard: Lesley I would like to propose an experiment. Lesley: Goggles, Leonard. Leonard: Right. Lesley, I would like to propose an experiment. Lesley: Hang on. I’m trying to see how long it takes a five hundred kilowatt oxygen iodine laser to heat up my cup o’ noodles. Leonard: Pfff, I’ve done it, about two seconds, 2.6 for minestrone. Anyway, I was thinking more of a bio-social exploration with a neuro-chemical overlay. Lesley: Wait, are you asking me out? Leonard: I was going to characterise it as the modification of our colleague/friendship paradigm, with the addition of a date-like component. But we don’t need to quibble over terminology. Lesley: What sort of experiment would you propose? Leonard: There is a generally accepted pattern in this area, I would pick you up, take you to a restaurant, then we would see a movie, probably a romantic comedy featuring the talents of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock. Lesley: Interesting. And would you agree that the primary way we would evaluate either the success or failure of the date would be based on the bio-chemical reaction during the goodnight kiss. Leonard: Heartrate, pheromones, etc, yes. Lesley: Well, why don’t we just stipulate that the date goes well and move to the key variable. Leonard: You mean, kiss you now? Lesley: Yes. Leonard: Can you define the parameters of the kiss? Lesley: Closed mouth but romantic. Mint? Leonard: Thank you. (Takes mint). Shall I count down from three? Lesley: No, I think it needs to be spontaneous. (They kiss.) Lesley: What do you think. Leonard: You proposed the experiment, I think you should present your findings first. Lesley: Fair enough. On the plus side, it was a good kiss, reasonable technique, no extraneous spittle. On the other hand, no arousal. Leonard: None? Lesley: None. Leonard: Ah. Well, thank you for your time. Lesley: Thank you. (They shake hands. Leonard leaves. Then returns.) Leonard: None at all? Scene: Sheldon and Leonard’s flat. Sheldon, Raj and Howard are playing Jenga. Howard: Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn’t, would you want me to tell you? Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I’m a robot, will I be able to handle it? Howard: Maybe, although the history of science-fiction is not on your side. Sheldon: Uh, let me ask you this. When I learn that I’m a robot, would I be bound by Asimov’s three laws of robotics? Raj: You might be bound by them right now. Howard: That’s true. Have you ever harmed a human being, or through inaction allowed a human being to come to harm? Sheldon: Of course not. Howard: Have you ever harmed yourself, or allowed yourself to be harmed except in cases where a human being would have been endangered? Sheldon: Well, no. Howard: I smell robot. Leonard (entering): Hey, what’s going on. Sheldon: The internet’s been down for half an hour. Raj: Also, Sheldon may be a robot. Howard: So, how did it go with Lesley? Leonard: Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn’t move. I mean any more than the 383 miles that it was going to move anyway. Sheldon: Oh, I’ve seen that look before. This is just going to be two weeks of moping and tedious emo songs, and calling me to come down to pet stores to look at cats. I don’t know if I can take it. Raj: You could power down. Howard: Well, as usual, Wolowitz has the solution. I happen to know a place where there are plenty of eligible women, and Leonard could have his pick. Scene: A salsa class. The four guys and a random fat bloke salsa opposite five middle-aged women. Class instructor: Remember the Latin hips. Shoulders stay still, and we sway. One two three. Five six seven. Howard (to Leonard): I think Mrs Tishman’s got her eye on you. I’ve been there, you’re in for a treat. Scene: The flat, Leonard is entering, singing to himself a depressing emo song. Sheldon: Oh, good lord. Leonard (singing): You don’t know me, you don’t wear my chains… God, that’s a good song. Sheldon: If you’re compiling a mix CD for a double su1c1de. (Leonard is taking supplies out of a bag) Oh, I hope that scratching post is for you. Leonard: I know what you’re thinking, I’ve taken your asthma into account. There’s a feline geneticist in San Diego who has developed the cutest little hypo-allergenic calicos. Sheldon: Leonard, listen to me… Leonard: I’ve been thinking about names, I’m kind of torn between Einstein, Newton and Sergeant Fuzzyboots. Sheldon: Leonard, do you really think you can satisfy your need for a relationship with a genetically altered cat? Leonard: Maybe, if it’s a cute little cuddly cat. Sheldon: Oh, come on, Leonard! This is obviously about Penny. Leonard: It doesn’t matter. The woman’s not interested in me, the woman rejected me. Sheldon: Okay, look, I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the centre of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker. Nevertheless, I do feel obligated to point out to you that she did no reject you. You did not ask her out. Leonard: You’re right. I didn’t ask her out, I should ask her out. Sheldon: No. No, now that was not my point. My point was, don’t buy a cat. Leonard: No, but you’re right. I should march over there and ask her out. Sheldon: Oh, goody, we’re getting a cat. Scene: The hallway. Leonard knocks on Penny’s door. Penny (opening door): Ah, hey Leonard. Leonard: Good afternoon Penny, so hi, hey. Uh… I was wondering if you had plans for dinner. Penny: Uh, do you mean dinner tonight? Leonard: There is an inherent ambiguity in the word dinner. Technically it refers to the largest meal of the day whenever it is consumed, so, to clarify here, by dinner I mean supper. Penny: Supper? Leonard: Or dinner. I was thinking six thirty, if you can go, or a different time. Penny: Uh, six thirty’s great. Leonard: Really? Great! Penny: Yeah, I like hanging out with you guys. Leonard: Us guys? Penny: You know, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, who all’s coming? Leonard: They…. might all be there. Or a subset of them might be there, uh, algebraically speaking there are too many unknowns, for example Sheldon had Quizznos for lunch, sometimes he finds that filling, other times he doesn’t, it’s no fault of Quizznos, they have a varied menu. Penny: Okay, whatever, it sounds like fun. Leonard: Great. Did we say a time? Penny: Six thirty. Leonard: And that’s still good for you. Penny: It’s fine. Leonard: Cos it’s not carved in stone. Penny: No, six thirty’s great. Leonard: I’ll get my chisel. Penny: Why? Leonard: To… carve the… okay, I’ll see you six thirty. Scene: Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment. Leonard enters from bedrooms, dressed in a smart shirt and trousers. They are covered in sweat stains. Leonard: How do I look? Sheldon: Could you be more specific? Leonard: Can you tell I’m perspiring a little? Sheldon: No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely. What time is your date? Leonard: Six thirty. Sheldon: Perfect, that gives you two hours and fifteen minutes for that dense molecular cloud of Aramis to dissipate. Leonard: Is it too much? Sheldon: Not if you’re a rugby team. Leonard: By the way, if it should ever come up, you didn’t join us because you stuffed yourself with a chicken carbonara sub at Quizznos. Sheldon: Why would I join you? Leonard: No reason. Oh, you know what, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, well now, there’s always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgement on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening. Leonard: You’re right, alcohol, poor judgement, it could go well. Sheldon: Of course, there’s the other possibility that this date kicks off a rather unpleasant six months of the two of you passing awkwardly in the hall until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code. Leonard: You could have stopped at “it could go well.” Sheldon: If I could of, I would of. Leonard: I mean, I’m a perfectly nice guy. There’s no reason we couldn’t go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner. Maybe take a walk afterwards, talk about things we have in common, “you love pottery? I love pottery!” You know, there’s a pause, we both know what’s happening, I lean in, we kiss, it’s a little tentative at first but then I realise, she’s kissing me back, and she’s biting my lower lip, you know, she wants me, this thing is going the distance, we’re going to have sex! Oh God! Oh, my God! Sheldon: Is the sex starting now? Leonard: I’m having a panic att*ck. Sheldon: Oh, okay, well then, calm down. Leonard: If I could calm down I wouldn’t be having a panic att*ck, that’s why they call it a panic att*ck. Sheldon: Alright, alright, well, just, sit down, yes, sit down, now close your eyes. Leonard: Why? Sheldon: Just do it. Leonard: Okay. Sheldon: Now try to increase your alpha-wave activity. Leonard: What? Sheldon: It’s a bio-feedback technique, it’s relaxation through brain-wave manipulation, I read a paper about it in the Journal of American Neuroscience, it was a little sparsely sourced but I think the basic science is valid, I probably have it here somewhere. Leonard: Oh, who am I kidding, I can’t go through with this, you need to call her and cancel. Sheldon: Me? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: What should I tell her. Leonard: I don’t know. Tell her I’m sick. Sheldon: Okay. Leonard: Not the kind of illness that will make her want to come over and take care of me, but nothing so critical that she’ll feel uncomfortable going out with me in the future if I want to try this again. Sheldon: Got it. So I’m assuming nothing venereal. I’ll just tell her that you had a routine colonoscopy and haven’t quite bounced back. Leonard: Give me the phone. Sheldon: But I thought you wanted to cancel? Leonard: I can’t because if I don’t show up she’ll still be expecting you. Sheldon: Why would she be expecting me? Leonard: Stop asking me all these questions, I need to take another shower. Scene: A restaurant. Penny: So are the rest of the guys meeting us here? Leonard: Oh, yeah, no. Turns out that Raj and Howard had to work, and Sheldon had a colonoscopy and he hasn’t quite bounced back yet. Penny: Ooh, my uncle just had a colonoscopy. Leonard: You’re kidding, well, then, that’s something we have in common. Penny: How? Leonard: We both have people in our lives who… want to nip intestinal polyps in the bud. Penny: So, what’s new in the world of physics? Leonard: Nothing. Penny: Really, nothing? Leonard: Well, with the exception of string theory, not much has happened since the 1930’s, and you can’t prove string theory, at best you can say “hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency.” Penny: Ah. Well I’m sure things will pick up. Leonard: What’s new at the Cheesecake Factory? Penny: Oh, uh, not much. We do have a chocolate key lime that’s moving pretty well. Leonard: Good. Good. And what about your, uh, hallway friend. Penny: Doug? Oh, yeah, I dunno, I mean, he’s nice and funny, but… Waitress: Can I get you started with some drinks? Leonard: No, (waves her away) You were saying, but… Penny: I’d like a drink. Leonard: Just say the but thing about Doug and then I’ll get her back. Penny: Okay, well, you know, it’s just me. I’m still getting over this break-up with Kurt, and this thing with Doug would be just rebound sex. Leonard: Ugh, don’t get me started on rebound sex. Penny: It’s just, it’s my pattern. I break up, then I find some cute guy, and then it’s just thirty six meaningless of… well, you know. Leonard: I’m not sure that I do. Um, is that one thirty-six hour experience, or is it thirty six hours spread out over say, one… glorious summer. Penny: No, it’s usually over a weekend, and trust me, you do not feel good after it. Leonard: Well, chafing, right? Penny: Emotionally. Leonard: Of course, yeah, emotional chafing. Hey, do you want to see something cool? (Penny nods.) I can make this olive go into this glass without touching it. Penny: How? Leonard: Physics. (He places the glass over the olive and spins it until the olive gets caught up on the side). Penny: Wow, centrifugal force! Leonard: Actually, it’s centripetal force, which is an inward force generated by the glass acting on the olive. (The olive drops.) Excuse me. (Leonard disappears under table.)Now, if you were riding on the olive, you’d be in a non-inertial reference frame, and would (he bangs his head on the underside of the table.) Penny: Are you okay? Leonard: Yeah, I’m okay. Did you spill ketchup? Penny: No. Leonard: I’m not okay. Scene: The stairwell of the apartment building. Penny: Are you sure you don’t want to go to the emergency room? Leonard: No, no, I’m okay, it’s stopped bleeding. Penny: I know, but you did throw up. Isn’t that a sign of a concussion? Leonard: Yes, but I get car sick too, so… Penny: Okay. Leonard: Sorry about your car, by the way. Penny: Oh, no, it’s fine, you got most of it out the window. Leonard: The poor guy on the bike. I had a nice time. Penny: Yeah, me too. Um, good night. (Leonard turns across hallway.) Leonard? Leonard: Yeah. Penny: Was this supposed to be a date? Leonard: This? No. No, of course not, this was just you and me hanging out with a bunch of guys who didn’t show up, because of work and a colonoscopy. Penny: Okay, I was just checking. Leonard: When I take a girl out on a date, and I do, she knows she’s been dated. Capital D. Bold face, underline, like Day-ted. I think I might have a little concussion, I’m going to go lay down for a while, good night. Scene: The apartment, Leonard enters. Sheldon: So, how was your date? Leonard: Awesome! Sheldon: Score one for liquor and poor judgement.

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x03 - The Fuzzy Boots Corollary"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment. Sheldon: I’ve been thinking about time travel again. Leonard: Why, did you h*t a roadblock with invisibility? Sheldon: Put it on the back burner. Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I’d just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place. Leonard: Interesting. Sheldon: Yeah, it really takes the pressure off. Leonard: Sounds like a breakthrough, should I call the science magazines and tell them to hold the front cover? (Exiting the apartment.) Sheldon: It’s time travel, Leonard, I will have already done that. Leonard: Then I guess congratulations are in order. Sheldon: No, congratulations will have been in order. You know, I’m not going to enjoy this party. Leonard: I know, I’m familiar with you. Sheldon: At the last department party, Dr Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes. Leonard: Yes, I was there. Sheldon: You know what’s interesting about caves, Leonard? Leonard: What? Sheldon: Nothing. Leonard: Well then we’ll avoid Finkleday, we’ll meet the new department head, congratulate him, shake his hand and go. Sheldon: How’s this? Pleased to meet you, Dr Gablehouser. How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you’ve done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement. Mahalo. Leonard: Mahalo’s a nice touch. Sheldon: Do you know there are only eight consonants in the Hawaiian language. Leonard: Interesting, you should lead with that. Scene: The department party. Sheldon, Raj and Leonard are at the buffet table. Raj: Oh, God, Look at this buffet. I love America. Leonard: You don’t have buffets in India? Raj: Of course, but it’s all Indian food. You can’t find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life. Schmear me. Sheldon: Well here’s an interesting turn of events. Leonard: What. (Sees Howard entering with a statuesque blonde) Howard brought a date? Sheldon: A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward. Howard: Hey, what up, science bitches? May I introduce my special lady friend, Summer. (Puts arm around her.) Summer: I already told you, touching’s extra. Howard: Right. Sorry. Leonard (to Sheldon): Here comes our new boss, be polite. Gablehouser: Hi fellas, Eric Gablehouser. Howard: Howard Wolowitz. Gablehouser: Howard, nice to meet you, and you are? Sheldon: An actual real scientist. (To Leonard) How was that? Scene: The stairwell of the apartment building. Sheldon is carrying a box of his things. Sheldon: I can’t believe he fired me. Leonard: Well, you did call him a glorified high-school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts. Sheldon: In my defence, I prefaced that by saying “with all due respect.” Credit sequence. Scene: The apartment, Sheldon is in the kitchen cooking, Leonard enters. Leonard: Morning Sheldon: Morning. Leonard: You’re making eggs for breakfast? Sheldon: This isn’t breakfast, it’s an experiment. Leonard: Huh? Cos it looks a lot like breakfast. Sheldon: I finally have the time to test my hypothesis, about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins, and its impact vis-a-vis taste. Leonard: Sounds yummy. I look forward to your work with bacon. Sheldon: As do I. Leonard: You know, I’m sure if you just apologised to Gablehauser he would give you your job back. Sheldon: I don’t want my job back. I’ve spent the last three and a half years staring at greaseboards full of equations. Before that I spent four years working on my thesis. Before that I was in college, and before that, I was in the fifth grade. This is my first day off in decades, and I’m going to savour it. Leonard: Okay. I’ll let you get back to fixing your eggs. Sheldon: I’m not just fixing my eggs, I’m fixing everyone’s eggs. Leonard: And we all thank you. (Sheldon takes his eggs and sits down. Takes a photograph of them. Writes in his notebook, then takes a forkful. Writes in notebook again.) Sheldon: Use new eggs. (There is a knock on the door). Penny (popping her head round): Hi, hey. I’m running out to the market, do you guys need anything? Sheldon: Oh, well this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence. Penny: I’m sorry? Sheldon: I need eggs. Four dozen should suffice. Penny: Four dozen? Sheldon: Yes, and evenly distributed amongst brown, white, free range, large, extra-large and jumbo. Penny: Okay, one more time? Sheldon: Never mind, you won’t get it right, I’d better come with you. Penny: Oh, yay! Scene: Penny’s car Penny: How come you didn’t go into work today. Sheldon: I’m taking a sabbatical, because I won’t kow-tow to mediocre minds. Penny: So you got canned, huh? Sheldon: Theoretical physicists do not get canned. But yeah. Penny: Well, maybe it’s all for the best, you know I always say, when one door closes, another one opens. Sheldon: No it doesn’t. Not unless the two doors are connected by relays, or there are motion sensors involved. Penny: No, no, I meant… Sheldon: Or the first door closing causes a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door. Penny: Never mind. Sheldon: Slow down. Slow down, please slow down. Penny: We’re fine. Sheldon: Look, you’re not leaving yourself enough space between cars. Penny: Oh, sure I am. Sheldon: No, no. Let me do the math for you, this car weighs let’s say 4,000lb, now add say 140 for me, 120 for you. Penny: 120? Sheldon: Oh, I’m sorry, did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth? Penny: Well, yeah. Sheldon: Interesting. Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let’s say, 4,400lb. Penny: Let’s say 4,390. Sheldon: Fine. We’re travelling forward at, good Lord, 51 miles an hour. Now let’s assume that your brakes are new and the callipers are aligned, still, by the time we come to a stop, we’ll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and… oh look, they built a new put-put course. Scene: The supermarket. Sheldon: This is great. Look at me, out in the real world of ordinary people, just living their ordinary, colourless, workaday lives. Penny: Thank you. Sheldon: No, thank you. And thank you, ordinary person. Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes. Penny: Uh, no, no not really. Listen, didn’t you say you needed some eggs. Sheldon: Uh, yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket. Penny: Oh, okay, well maybe you should start heading on out then. Sheldon: No, this is fun. Oh, the thing about tomatoes, and I think you’ll really enjoy this, is, they’re shelved with the vegetables, but they’re technically a fruit. Penny: Interesting. Sheldon: Isn’t it? Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable. Sheldon (as Penny selects vitamin supplements): Oh boy. Penny: What now? Sheldon: Well, there’s some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much, what you’re buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine. Penny: Well, maybe that’s what I was going for. Sheldon: Well then you’ll want some manganese. Scene: On the stairwell of the apartment building. Sheldon: That was fun. Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores. Penny: Oh, I don’t know Sheldon, it’s going to take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today. Sheldon: Are you sure. There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk. For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one month’s supply at a time. Penny: What? Sheldon: Well think about it, it’s a product that doesn’t spoil, and you’re going to be needing them for at least the next thirty years. Penny: You want me to buy thirty years worth of tampons? Sheldon: Well, thirty, thirty five, hey, when did your mother go into menopause? Penny: Okay, I’m not talking about this with you. Sheldon: Oh, Penny, this is a natural human process, and we’re talking about statistically significant savings. Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle and a 28 day cycle, are you fairly regular? (Penny shuts door in his face.) Okay, no warehouse store, but we’re still on for put-put golf, right? Scene: The apartment, Sheldon has several bowls containing goldfish. Leonard (entering): Hey, I just ran into Penny, she seemed upset about something. Sheldon: I think it’s her time of the month. I marked the calendar for future reference. Leonard: What’s with the fish? Sheldon: It’s an experiment. Leonard: What happened to your scrambled egg research? Sheldon: Oh, that was a d*ad end. Scrambled eggs are as good as they’re ever going to be. Leonard: So… fish. Sheldon: I read an article about Japanese scientists, who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought hey, fish nightlights. Leonard: Fish nightlights. Sheldon: It’s a billion dollar idea. Shhhhh! Leonard: Mum’s the word. Sheldon, are you sure you don’t want to just apologise to Gablehauser and get your job back. Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no. No, I’ve too much to do. Leonard: Like luminous fish. Sheldon: Shhhhh! Leonard: Right… I didn’t…. Sheldon: That’s just the beginning. I also have an idea for a bulk mail-order feminine hygiene company. Oh, glow in the dark tampons! Leonard, we’re going to be rich. Scene: The stairwell of the apartment building. Leonard: Thank you for coming on such short notice. Mrs Cooper: You did the right thing calling. Leonard: I didn’t know what else to do, he’s lost all focus, every day he’s got a new obsession. (They enter the apartment. Sheldon is weaving on a loom. He is wrapped in a poncho.) This is a particularly disturbing one. Sheldon (looking round): Mommy. Mrs Cooper: Hi baby. Sheldon (mouths): You called my mother? Mrs Cooper: Oh, you got yourself a loom, how nice. Sheldon: Thank you. Mrs Cooper: Honey, why did you get a loom? Sheldon: I was working with luminous fish, and I thought, hey, loom! Mom, what are you doing here? Mrs Cooper: Leonard called me. Sheldon: I know, but why? Leonard: Because one of the great minds of the twenty-first century is raising glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving sarapes. Sheldon: This is not a sarape. This is a poncho. A sarape is open at the sides, a poncho is closed, this is a poncho, and neither is a reason to call someone’s mother. Leonard: Really, when was the last time you left the house. Sheldon: I went to the market with Penny. Leonard: That was three weeks ago. Sheldon: Well then buckle up, in the next four to eight days she’s going to get very crabby. Mrs Cooper: Sweetheart, your little friend is concerned about you. Sheldon: Yes, well I’m not a child, I’m a grown man capable of living my life as I see fit. And I certainly don’t need someone telling on me to my mother. Leonard: Where are you going? Sheldon: To my room, and no-one’s allowed in. Mrs Cooper: He gets his temper from his daddy. Leonard: Oh. Mrs Cooper: He’s got my eyes. Leonard: I see. Mrs Cooper: All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus. Scene: Everyone but Sheldon is in the kitchen of the apartment. Leonard: Sheldon? Your mum made dinner. Sheldon (off): I’m not hungry. Mrs Cooper: Oh, Leonard, don’t trouble yourself, he’s stubborn. He may stay in there ‘til the Rapture. Penny: Are we so sure that’s a bad thing? Mrs Cooper: I’ll tell ya, I love the boy to death, but he has been difficult since he fell out of me at the K-Mart. Howard: Excuse me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his smouldering good looks. Mrs Cooper: Oh, honey that ain’t going to work, but you keep trying. (To Raj) I made chicken, I hope that isn’t one of the animals that you people think is magic? You know, we have an Indian gentleman at our church, a Dr Patel, it’s a beautiful story, the lord spoke to him, and moved him to give us all 20% off on lasic, you know, those that needed it. Leonard: That is a lovely story, um, are we going to do anything about Sheldon? Mrs Cooper: Oh, we will, you have to take your time with Sheldon. His father, God rest his soul, used to say to me, Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon. Leonard: Sounds like a wise man. Mrs Cooper: Oh, not so wise, he was trying to fight a bobcat for some licquorish. So, everybody grab a plate, and a pretty place mat that Shelly wove. Penny: Has Shelly ever freaked out like this before. Mrs Cooper: Oh, all the time, I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town, well the only problem was he had no, whatchacall, fissionable materials. Anyway, when he went on the internets to get some, a man from the government came by and sat him down real gentle and told him it’s against the law to have yellow cake uranium in a shed. Penny: What happened? Mrs Cooper: Well, the poor boy had a fit, locked himself in his room and built a sonic death ray. Leonard: A death ray? Mrs Cooper: Well, that’s what he called it, didn’t even slow down the neighbour kids. It pissed our dog off to no end. You know, you two make a cute couple. Both Leonard and Penny laugh, a little too forced. Leonard: No, we’re not, we’re not, not a couple, two singles, like those individually wrapped slices of cheese that…. are friends. Mrs Cooper: Did I pluck a nerve there? Howard: Oh yeah. Mrs Cooper: Okay. Alright everybody, it’s time to eat. (Everybody begins to do so) Oh Lord, we thank you for this meal, all your bounty, and we pray that you help Sheldon get back on his rocker. (To Raj and Howard) Now after a moment of silent meditation I’m going to end with “In Jesus’ Name” but you two don’t feel any obligation to join in. Unless, of course, the holy spirit moves you. Time shift Penny: Oh my God, this is the best cobbler I’ve ever had. Mrs Cooper: It was always Sheldon’ s favourite. You know what the secret ingredient is? Penny: Love? Mrs Cooper: Lard. Sheldon emerges from the bedroom area. Howard: Hey, look who’s come out…. Mrs Cooper: Shhh! You’ll spook him. He’s like a baby deer, you gotta let him come to you. Sheldon crosses to the cobbler, takes some and puts it on a plate. Looks round at the group in the matter of a frightened animal. Everyone but Leonard looks down at their meal. Leonard: This is ridiculous. Dammit, Sheldon, snap out of it. You’re a physicist, you belong at the University doing research, not hiding in your room. (Sheldon scuttles away) Mrs Cooper: You don’t hunt, do you? Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom. He is building a model of some kind of double helix. There is a knock on the door. Mrs Cooper (entering): Good morning, snicker-doodle. Sheldon: Morning. Mrs Cooper: Oh, well that looks awful fancy, what is that? Sheldon: It’s my idea of what DNA would look like in a silicon based life form. Mrs Cooper: But intelligently designed by a creator, right? Sheldon: What do you want, mom? Mrs Cooper: You know how your daddy used to say that you can only fish for so long before you got to throw a stick of dynamite in the water? Sheldon: Yeah. Mrs Cooper: Well, I’m done fishing. (Throwing a pair of trousers on the bed) You put those on. Sheldon: What for? Mrs Cooper: Because you’re going to go down to your office, you’re going to apologise to your boss, and get your job back. Sheldon: No. Mrs Cooper: I’m sorry, did I start that sentence with the words “if it please your highness?” Sheldon: I’m not going to apologise, I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. Mrs Cooper: Now you listen here, I have been telling you since you were four years old, it’s okay to be smarter than everybody but you can’t go around pointing it out. Sheldon: Why not? Mrs Cooper: Because people don’t like it. Remember all the ass-kickings you got from the neighbour kids? Now let’s get cracking. Shower, shirt, shoes, and let’s shove off. (Exits) Sheldon: Wouldn’t have been any ass-kickings if that stupid death ray had worked. Scene: The kitchen Mrs Cooper: Problem solved. Leonard: Really? That’s impressive. Mrs Cooper: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully he blessed me with two other children who are dumb as soup. Scene: Dr Gablehouser’s office Mrs Cooper: Excuse me, Dr Gablehouser, are you busy? Gablehouser: Well, actually…. Mrs Cooper: Sheldon, he’s just doodling, get in here. Sheldon: Dr Gablehouser. Gablehouser: Dr Cooper. Mrs Cooper: Let’s go, baby, we’re losing daylight. Sheldon: Um, as you know, several weeks ago in our first encounter we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, when I called you an idiot. And I just wanted to say that I was wrong. To point it out. Gablehouser (to Mrs Cooper): I’m sorry, we haven’t been introduced. Dr Eric Gablehouser. Mrs Cooper: Mary Cooper, Sheldon’s mom. Gablehouser: Now that’s impossible, you must have had him when you were a teenager. Mrs Cooper: Oh, aren’t you sweet, his father’s d*ad. Gablehouser: Recently? Mrs Cooper: Long enough. Gablehouser (indicating chair): Please. Sheldon, shouldn’t you be working? Sheldon (leaving): Okay. Leonard: Hey, how did it go? Sheldon: I got my job back. Leonard: Really? What happened? Sheldon: I’m not quite sure. It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me. Leonard: That narrows it down. Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom. Mrs Cooper is tucking him in. Mrs Cooper: I’m very proud of you honey, you showed a lot of courage today. Sheldon: Thanks, mom. Mom? Mrs Cooper: Mmm-hmm? Sheldon: Is Dr Gablehouser going to be my new daddy? Mrs Cooper: We’ll see. Sleep tight. Sheldon turns over to sleep in the glow of a luminous goldfish.

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x04 - The Luminous Fish Effect"}

foreverdreaming

cene: The Cheesecake Factory Sheldon: Alright, I’m moving my infantry division, augmented by a battalion of Orcs from Lord of the Rings, we flank the Tennessee Volunteers, and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg. Howard: Not so fast, remember the South still has two infantry divisions, plus Superman and Godzilla. Leonard: No, no, no, no, Orcs are magic, Superman is vulnerable to magic, not to mention, you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk. Raj: Why don’t you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh. Penny: Hi, you guys ready to order? Howard: Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu Gods against the entire Union army? Leonard: And Orcs! Penny: I’ll be back. Raj: Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles, and Shiva is the destroyer. When the smoke clears, Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps. Penny: Alright, my boss says you either have to order, or leave and never come back. Howard: What do you recommend for someone who worked up a man-sized appetite from a morning of weight training and cardio-funk? Penny: A shower. Howard: I’ll take the heart smart platter. Penny: Alright, thank you, and Sheldon. Sheldon: We don’t eat here, I don’t know what’s good. Penny: Well, it’s all good. Sheldon: Statistically unlikely. Leonard: Just get a hamburger, you like hamburgers. Sheldon: I like the hamburgers where we usually have hamburgers, you can’t make the assumption that I’ll like the hamburgers here. Leonard: I’m sorry. Give him a hamburger. Penny: Uh, which one, the Classic Burger, the Ranch House Burger, the Barbecue Burger or the Kobe burger? Sheldon: Can’t we just go to Big Boy? They only have one burger. The Big Boy. Penny: The Barbecue Burger is like the Big Boy. Sheldon: Excuse me, in a world that already includes the Big Boy, why would I settle for something like a Big Boy? Penny: Because you are not at Big Boy! Sheldon: Fine, I’ll have the Barbecue Burger. Leonard: Make it two. Sheldon: Waitresses don’t yell at you at Big Boy. Lesley (entering): Hey Leonard, hi guys. Leonard: Hey Lesley. Lesley: I didn’t know you ate here. Sheldon: We don’t. This is a disturbing aberration. Leonard: Lesley, this is Penny, she lives across the hall from Sheldon and me. Howard: And walks in quiet beauty like the night. Penny: Howard, I’ve asked you not to do that. Leonard: Lesley and I do research together at the University. Penny: Oh, wow, a girl scientist. Lesley: Yep, come for the breasts, stay for the brains. So, I’m glad I ran into you, the physics department string quartet needs a new cellist. Leonard: What happened to Elliot Wong? Lesley: He switched over to high energy radiation research, had a little mishap, and now the other guys are uncomfortable sitting next to him. So, are you in? Leonard: Yeah, sure, why not. Lesley: Great, we rehearse on Tuesdays at your place. Leonard: Why at my place? Lesley: Yeah, the department of energy said our regular space is kind of a hot zone. Nice meeting you. Penny: Yeah, you too. Leonard, I didn’t know you played the cello? Leonard: Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn’t getting me beaten up enough. Howard: If you’re into music, I happen to be a human beatbox. Penny: Really? (Howard performs some of the worst beatboxing imaginable.) I’m actually not that into music. So hey, your friend’s really cute, anything going on with you two. Leonard: Lesley? No, no-oh, what are you kidding? Sheldon: He asked her out once, it was an embarrassing failure. Leonard: Thank you Sheldon. Sheldon: Oh, I’m sorry, was that supposed to be a secret? Penny: Oh, that’s too bad, you guys would make a cute couple. Raj: Oh dear. Howard: What’s the matter? Raj: She didn’t take my order. Howard: How can she take your order when you’re too neurotic to talk to her. Raj: Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip. Scene: The stairwell of the apartment building. Leonard: What did Penny mean, you’d make a cute couple? Sheldon: Well I assume she meant that the two of you together would constitute a couple that others might consider cute. An alternate, and somewhat less likely interpretation, is that you could manufacture one. As in, oh look, Leonard and Lesley made Mr and Mrs Goldfarb, aren’t they adorable. Leonard: If Penny didn’t know that Lesley had already turned me down then that would unambiguously mean that she, Penny, thought that I should her, Lesley, out, indicating that she, Penny, had no interest in me asking her, Penny, out. But because she did know that I had asked Lesley out and that she, Lesley, had turned me down then she, Penny, could be offering consolation. That’s too bad, you would have made a cute couple. But while thinking, good, Leonard remains available. Sheldon: You’re a lucky man, Leonard. Leonard: How so? Sheldon: You’re talking to one of the three men in the Western hemisphere capable of following that train of thought. Leonard: Well, what do you think. Sheldon: I said I could follow it, I didn’t say I cared. Credit sequence. Scene: The apartment living room. The string quartet are practising. Lesley: I admire your fingering. Leonard: Thank you. Lesley: Maybe some time you can try that on my instrument. Time jump Lesley: Goodnight guys, good job. Male string quartettist: Thanks. Female string quartettist: See you next week. Leonard: That was fun, Lesley, thanks for including me. Lesley: You’re welcome. If you’re up for it we could practise that middle section again. Leonard: Uh, sure, why not. Lesley: Just so we’re clear, you understand that me hanging back to practise with you is a pretext for letting you know that I’m sexually available. Leonard: Really? Lesley: Yeah, I’m good to go. Leonard: I thought you weren’t interested in me. Lesley: That was before I saw you handling that beautiful piece of wood between your legs. Leonard: You mean my cello? Lesley: No, I mean the obvious crude double entendre. I’m seducing you. Leonard: No kidding? Lesley: What can I say, I’m a passionate and impulsive woman. So how about it? Leonard: Gee, uh… Lesley: Is it the waitress? Leonard: Penny? What about her? Lesley: Well, I thought I saw your pupils dilate when you looked at her, which, unless you’re a heroin addict, points to sexual attraction. Leonard: Well, I did have a poppy seed bagel for breakfast, which could give a positive urine test for opiates but certainly not dilate my pupils, so I guess there’s no point in bringing it up. Lesley: You and the waitress then? Leonard: No. No, there’s nothing going on between Penny and me. Lesley: So, you’re open to a sexual relationship? Leonard: Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am. Lesley: Good. Leonard: Yeah, yeah it is good. Did you want to start now? Lesley: Why don’t we finish the section first. Leonard: Oh. Okay. A little musical foreplay. Terrific. (They play, gradually going faster and faster.) Leonard: I’m good, I’m good to go. Lesley: Me too. (Exit in direction of bedrooms.) Scene: The hallway, Sheldon scuttles out of apartment door and crosses to Penny’s. Knocks on it urgently. Penny (opening door): Oh, hey Sheldon, what’s going on? Sheldon: I need your opinion on a matter of semiotics. Penny: I’m sorry? Sheldon: Semiotics. The study of signs and symbols, it’s a branch of philosophy related to linguistics. Penny: Okay, sweetie, I know you think you’re explaining yourself, but you’re really not. Sheldon: Just come with me. Jump to the pair of them standing outside Leonard’s bedroom door. Bryan Adams “Have You Ever Loved A Woman” is emerging. There is a tie on the bedroom door. Sheldon: Well? Penny: Well what? Sheldon: What does it mean? Penny: Oh, come on, you went to college. Sheldon: Yes, but I was eleven. Penny: Alright, look, a tie on the doorknob usually means someone doesn’t want to be disturbed because they’re, you know, getting busy. Sheldon: So you’re saying Leonard has a girl in there. Penny: Well, either that or he’s lost his tie rack and gotten really into Bryan Adams. Lesley (voice off): Oh Leonard, you magnificent beast. Penny: We really shouldn’t be standing here. Sheldon (entering living room): This is very awkward. Penny: Oh, come on, you know, Leonard’s had girls over before, right? Sheldon: Oh, yes, but there’s usually planning, courtship and advance notice. Last time I was able to book a cruise to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse. Penny: Wait, you had to leave the state because your roommate was having sex? Sheldon: I didn’t have to, the dates just happened to coincide. Penny: So, do you know who’s in there? Sheldon: Well, there’s Leonard. (Picking up violin case) And he’s either with Lesley Winkle or a 1930’s gangster. Penny: Hmmm. Good for him. Good for Leonard. Okay, night. Sheldon: No, no, wait, hold on. Penny: What’s the matter? Sheldon: I don’t know what the protocol is here. Do I stay, do I leave? Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage? Penny: Gee, Sheldon, you’re asking the wrong girl. I’m usually on the other side of the tie. (Sheldon looks lost for a moment. The pulls out his mobile phone and dials.) Sheldon: Hi, Leonard. It’s me, Sheldon. In the living room. I just, I wanted you to know I saw the tie. Message received. You’re welcome. You carry on. Give my best to Lesley. Scene: In Leonard’s Bedroom. Leonard wakes up next to Lesley, puts on glasses and grins. Scene: Living room, Sheldon is sleeping on the sofa, with his head on Lesley’s Violin case. Sheldon: Big boy! (Wakes up, looks at watch, wraps self in blanket, walks towards kitchen) Someone touched my board. Oh God, my board. Leonard! Leonard! Leonard (entering): Hey, what’s the matter? Sheldon: My equations, someone’s tampered with my equations. Leonard: Are you sure? Sheldon: Of course I’m sure. Look at the beta-function of quantum chrono-dynamics, the sign’s been changed. Leonard: Oh yeah. But doesn’t that fix the problem you’ve been having? Sheldon: Are you insane? Are you out of your mind? Are you…. hey look, that fixes the problem I’ve been having. Lesley (entering): You’re welcome. Sheldon: You did this? Lesley: Yeah, I noticed it when I got up to get a glass of water, so I fixed it, now you can show that quarks are asymptotically free at high energies. Pretty cool, huh? Sheldon: Cool? Lesley: Listen, I got to h*t the lab. Thanks for a great night. Leonard: Thank you, I’ll see you at work. Sheldon: Uh-duh, hold on, hold on! Lesley: What? Sheldon: Who told you you could touch my board? Lesley: No-one. Sheldon: I don’t come into your house and touch your board. Lesley: There are no incorrect equations on my board. Sheldon: Oh, that is so… so… Lesley: I’m sorry, I’ve got to run, if you come up with an adjective, text me. (Leaves). Sheldon: Inconsiderate, that is the adjective, inconsiderate. Scene: The hallway. Leonard (exiting the apartment): You can stare at your board all day Sheldon, she’s still going to be right. Sheldon (inside): I’m not staring, I’m mulling. Penny: Oh, hey Leonard. Leonard: Oh, hi. Penny: So, how’s it going? Leonard: Pretty good. Penny: Just pretty good, I’d think you were doing very good. Leonard: Pretty, very, there’s really no objective scale for delineating variations of good, why do you ask? Penny: Well, a little bird told me that you and Lesley hooked up last night. Leonard: Sheldon! Sheldon: I’m coming. Penny: So, is it serious, do you like her? Leonard: Wuh, I don’t…. th-th-th-that’s really two different questions, uh, I’m not…. Sheldon, we have to go! Sheldon: Boy, you’re wound awfully tight for a man who just had sexual intercourse. Penny: Alright, well, I’ll talk to you later, but, I am so happy for you Leonard. Leonard: Thank you. What did she mean, she’s happy for me? Is she happy because I’m seeing someone, or is she happy because she thinks that I’m happy, because anyone who cared for someone would want them to be happy, even if the reason for their happiness made the first person unhappy. You know, because the second person, though happy, is now romantically unavailable to the first person. Sheldon: Do you realise I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call? Leonard: You know what, I’m being ridiculous. But who cares what Penny thinks, Lesley is a terrific girl, she’s attractive, we like each other, she’s extremely intelligent. Sheldon: She’s not that intelligent. Leonard: She fixed your equation. Sheldon: She got lucky. Leonard: You don’t believe in luck. Sheldon: I don’t have to believe in it for her to be lucky. Leonard: Regardless, I have a chance at a real relationship with Lesley, I’m not going to pass that up for some hypothetical future happiness with a woman who may or may not want me to be happy with a woman who is currently making me happy. Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard: Yeah. Sheldon: I still don’t care. Scene: Leonard and Lesley’s lab. Leonard: Hey, Lesley. Lesley: Careful Leonard, liquid nitrogen, 320 degrees below zero. Leonard: Brrrr. Why are you smashing a flash frozen banana. Lesley: Because I’ve got a bowl of Cheerios and I couldn’t find a Kn*fe. Leonard: So anyway (puts arms around her) Hello. Lesley: Uh, what are you doing? Leonard: Just extending the intimacy. Do you want to slip over to the radiation lab and share a decontamination shower? Lesley: Okay, uh, what exactly do you think’s going on between us? Leonard: I’m not sure, but I think I’m about to discover how the banana felt. Lesley: Listen, Leonard, neither of us are neuroscientists but we both understand the biochemistry of sex, I mean, dopamine in our brains is released across synapses causing pleasure. You stick electrodes in a rat’s brain, give him an orgasm button, he’ll push that thing until he starves to death. Leonard: Who wouldn’t? Lesley: Well, the only difference between us and a rat is that you can’t stick an electrode in our hypothalamus. That’s where you come in. Leonard: Yeah, well, I’m just glad to be a part of it. So what happens now? Lesley: Well, I don’t know about your sex drive, but I’m probably good till New Years. Leonard: Oh. Okay. Thank you. Lesley: Thank you! Leonard: You want to make plans for New Years. Lesley: Woah, Leonard, please, you’re smothering me. Leonard (leaving): Sorry. Howard: Hey, look, it’s Doctor Stud! Leonard: Doctor what? Howard: The blogosphere is a-buzzing with news of you and Lesley Winkle making eine kleine bang-bang music. Leonard: Wha… how did it get on the internet? Howard: I put it there. Leonard: Well, how did you know about it? Raj: A little bird told us. Apparently you are a magnificent beast. Leonard: Well, that part’s true! Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Sheldon: You know, I think I may have misjudged this restaurant. Leonard: No kidding. Sheldon: I won’t go out on a limb, but I think we may be looking at my new Tuesday hamburger. Leonard: Your old Tuesday hamburger will be so broken hearted. Sheldon: Way ahead of you. I was thinking of moving Big Boy to Thursdays, and just dropping Soup Plantation. Leonard: Really? Sheldon: Yeah, the name always confused me anyway, Soup Plantation. You can’t grow soup. Penny: So, how’s everything. Sheldon: Terrific, you’ll be happy to know that I plan to come here every Tuesday night for the foreseeable future. Penny: Really, oh yay! Sheldon: Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table? Penny: Um, I don’t know, a psychiatrist? So hey, how are things with you and Lesley? Leonard: Oh, to be honest, I don’t think it’s going to work out. Penny: Oh, oh that’s too bad. Well hey, don’t worry, I’m sure there is someone out there who is just right for you. (Walks away smiling). Leonard: Well what did she mean by that? Was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention? Sheldon: You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy? This is a single decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double decker. This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio. Leonard: Are you even listening to me? Sheldon: Of course I’m listening. Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah blah. Leonard: Okay then. You know, you can grow the ingredients for soup. (Sheldon nods).

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x05 - The Hamburger Postulate"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: Lobby of the apartment building, Howard, Raj, Sheldon and Leonard enter in combat gear, covered in blue paint. Raj: Okay, if no-one else will say it, I will. We really suck at paintball. Howard: That was absolutely humiliating. Leonard: Oh, come on, some battles you win, some battles you lose. Howard: Yes, but you don’t have to lose to Kyle Bernstein’s Bar-Mitzvah party. Leonard: I think we have to acknowledge, those were some fairly savage pre-adolescent Jews. Sheldon: You know, we were annihilated by our own incompetence and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command. Leonard: Sheldon, let it go. Sheldon: No, I want to talk about the fact that Wolowitz sh*t me in the back. Howard: I sh*t you for good reason, you were leading us into disaster. Sheldon: I was giving clear, concise orders. Leonard: You hid behind a tree yelling “get the kid in the yarmulkah, get the kid in the yarmulkah.” Penny (arriving): Oh, hey guys. Leonard: Hello Penny. Howard: Morning ma’am. Penny: So, how was paintball, did you have fun? Sheldon: Sure, if you consider being fragged by your own troops fun. (To Howard) You clear space on your calendar, there will be an enquiry. Penny: Okay, um, oh hey, I’m having a party on Saturday so if you guys are around you should come by. Leonard: A party? Penny: Yeah. Howard: A boy-girl party? Penny: Well, there will be boys, and there will be girls, and it is a party. So, it’ll just be a bunch of my friends, we’ll have some beer, do a little dancing… Sheldon: Dancing? Leonard: Yeah, I don’t know, Penny… Sheldon: The thing is, we’re not…. Leonard: We’re really more…. Sheldon: No. Leonard: But thanks, thanks for thinking of us. Penny: Are you sure? Come on, it’s Halloween. Sheldon: A Halloween party? Howard: As in, costumes? Penny: Well, yeah. Leonard: Is there a theme? Penny: Um, yeah, Halloween. Sheldon: Yes, but are the costumes random, or genre specific? Penny: As usual, I’m not following. Leonard: He’s asking if we can come as anyone from science-fiction, fantasy… Penny: Sure. Sheldon: What about comic-books? Penny: Fine. Sheldon: Anime? Penny: Of course. Sheldon: TV , film, D&D, Manga, Greek Gods, Roman Gods, Norse Gods… Penny: Anything you want, okay? Any costume you want. Bye. Howard: Gentlemen, to the sewing machines. Credits Sequence Scene: The apartment living room. There is a knock on the door. Leonard (off): I’ll get it. (He enters, wearing a Flash costume. Opens door.) Howard (Entering at speed, also wearing a Flash costume): Bjow (They stare at each other in shock.) Leonard: Oh, no. Sheldon: Oh no! (He is also wearing a Flash costume.) Raj: Make way for the fastest man alive. (Enters, also in a Flash costume.) Oh no! Sheldon: See, this is why I wanted to have a costume meeting. Leonard: We all have other costumes, we can change. Raj: Or, we could walk right behind each other all night and look like one person going really fast. Howard: No, no, no, it’s a boy-girl party, this Flash runs solo. Leonard: Okay, how about this, nobody gets to be The Flash, we all change, agreed? All: Agreed. Leonard: I call Frodo! All: Damn! Scene: The same, later. Leonard is dressed as Frodo. Howard appears to be Peter Pan. There is a knock on the door. Raj (Entering dressed as Thor): Hey. Sorry I’m late, but my hammer got stuck in the door on the bus. Leonard: You went with Thor? Raj: What? Just because I’m Indian I can’t be a Norse God? No, no, no, Raj has to be an Indian God. That’s racism. I mean, look at Wolowitz, he’s not English, but he’s dressed like Peter Pan. Sheldon(entering in a body suit featuring black and white vertical lines) is neither sound nor light, but he’s obviously the Doppler Effect. Howard: I’m not Peter Pan, I’m Robin Hood. Raj: Really, because I saw Peter Pan, and you’re dressed exactly like Cathy Rigby. She was a little bigger than you, but it’s basically the same look, man. Leonard: Hey, Sheldon, there’s something I want to talk to you about before we go to the party. Sheldon: I don’t care if anybody gets it, I’m going as the Doppler Effect. Leonard: No, it’s not… Sheldon: If I have to, I can demonstrate. Neeeeoooowwwww! Leonard: Terrific. Um, this party is my first chance for Penny to see me in the context of her social group, and I need you not to embarrass me tonight. Sheldon: Well, what exactly do you mean by embarrass you? Leonard: For example, tonight no-one needs to know that my middle name is Leakey. Sheldon: Well, there’s nothing embarrassing about that, your father worked with Lewis Leakey, a great anthropologist. It had nothing to do with your bed-wetting. Leonard: All I’m saying is that this party is the perfect opportunity for Penny to see me as a member of her peer group. A potential close friend and… perhaps more. I don’t want to look like a dork. Scene: The hallway. Howard knocks on Penny’s door with his bow. Howard: Just a heads up fellas, if anyone gets lucky I’ve got a dozen condoms in my quiver. Penny (opening door, not in costume): Oh, hey guys. Leonard: Hey, sorry we’re late. Penny: Late? It’s 7:05. Sheldon: And you said the party starts at seven. Penny: Well, yeah, when you start a party at seven, no-one shows up at, you know, seven. Sheldon: It’s 7:05. Penny: Yes. Yes it is. Okay, well, um, come on in. Howard: What, are all the girls in the bathroom? Penny: Probably, but in their own homes. Sheldon: So what time does the costume parade start? Penny: The parade? Sheldon: Yeah, so the judges can give out the prizes for best costume, you know, most frightening, most authentic, most accurate visual representation of a scientific principle. Penny: Oh, Sheldon, I’m sorry but there aren’t going to be any parades or judges or prizes. Sheldon: This party is just going to suck. Penny: No, come on, it’s going to be fun, and you all look great, I mean, look at you, Thor, and, oh, Peter Pan, that’s so cute. Leonard: Actually, Penny, he’s Rob… Howard: I’m Peter Pan! And I’ve got a handful of pixie dust with your name on it. Penny: No you don’t. Oh, hey, what’s Sheldon supposed to be. Leonard: Oh, he’s the Doppler Effect. Sheldon: Yes. It’s the apparent change in the frequency of a wave caused by relative motion between the source of the wave and the observer. Penny: Oh, sure, I see it now, the Doppler Effect. Alright, I’ve got to shower, you guys um, make yourselves comfortable. Leonard: Okay. Sheldon: See, people get it. Time shift, the party is in full swing, the four guys are sitting together around the coffee table. Raj: Mmmm, by Odin’s beard, this is good Chex Mix. Howard: No thanks, peanuts, I can’t afford to swell up in these tights. Sheldon: I’m confused. If there’s no costume parade, what are we doing here? Leonard: We’re socialising. Meeting new people. Sheldon: Telepathically? Penny (crossing the room in a cat costume, speaking to someone off-screen): Oh hey, when did you get here, Hi! Raj: Penny is wearing the worst Catwoman costume I have ever seen, and that includes Halle Berry’s. Leonard: She’s not Catwoman, she’s just a generic cat. Sheldon: And that’s the kind of sloppy costuming which results from a lack of rules and competition. Howard: Hey guys, check out the sexy nurse. I believe it’s time for me to turn my head and cough. Raj: What is your move? Howard: I’m going to use the mirror technique. She brushes her hair back, I brush my hair back, she shrugs, I shrug, subconsciously she’s thinking we’re in sync, we belong together. Leonard: Where do you get this stuff? Howard: You know, psychology journals, internet research, and there’s this great show on VH1 about how to pick up girls. Raj: Oh, if only I had his confidence. I have such difficulty speaking to women. Or around women. Or at times, even effeminate men. Howard: If that’s a working stethoscope, maybe you’d like to hear my heart skip a b*at. Nurse Costume Girl: No thanks. Howard: No, seriously, you can, I have transient idiopathic arrhythmia. Leonard: I want to get to know Penny’s friends, I just, I don’t know how to talk to these people. Sheldon: Well, I actually might be able to help. Leonard: How so? Sheldon: Like Jane Goodall observing the apes, I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured, but patterns emerge, they have their own language if you will. Leonard: Go on. Sheldon: Well, it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group with the greeting “How wasted am I?” which is met with an approving chorus of “Dude.” Leonard: Then what happens? Sheldon: That’s as far as I’ve gotten. Leonard: This is ridiculous, I’m jumping in. Sheldon: Good luck. Leonard: No, you’re coming with me. Sheldon: Oh, I hardly think so. Leonard: Come on. Sheldon: Aren’t you afraid I’ll embarrass you? Leonard: Yes. But I need a wing-man. Sheldon: Alright, but if we’re going to use flight metaphors I’m much more suited to being the guy from the FAA, analysing wreckage. Girl in Hippie Costume: Oh, Hi! Leonard: Hi. Sheldon: Hello. Girl: So, what are you supposed to be? Sheldon: Me? I’ll give you a hint. Neeeeooooowwwww! Girl: Uh, a choo-choo train? Sheldon: Close! Neeeeeoooooowwwww! Girl: A brain damaged choo-choo train? Girl in Butterfly Costume (dropping onto sofa next to Raj): How wasted am I? (Raj shrugs.) Time shift. Sheldon and Leonard are now talking to a girl in a princess costume. Sheldon: Neeeeeooooowwwwww! Girl: I still don’t get it. Sheldon: I’m the Doppler Effect. Girl: Okay, if that is some sort of learning disability, I think it’s very insensitive. Leonard: Why don’t you just tell people you’re a zebra? Sheldon: Well, why don’t you just tell people you’re one of the seven dwarves. Leonard: Because I’m Frodo. Sheldon: Yes, well, I’m the Doppler Effect. Leonard: Oh no. Sheldon: What? Leonard: That’s Penny’s ex-boyfriend. Sheldon: What do you suppose he’s doing here? Besides disrupting the local gravity field. Leonard: If he were any bigger, he’d have moons orbiting him. Sheldon: Oh, snap. So I guess we’ll be leaving now. Leonard: Why should we leave? For all we know, he crashed the party and Penny doesn’t even want him here. (Penny and Kurt hug). Sheldon: You have a back-up hypothesis. Leonard: Maybe they just want to be friends. Sheldon: Or maybe she wants to be friends, and he wants something more. Leonard: Then he and I are on equal ground. Sheldon: Yes, but you’re much closer to it than he is. Leonard: Look, if this was 15,000 years ago, by virtue of his size and strength, Kurt would be entitled to his choice of female partners. Sheldon: And male partners. Animal partners. Large primordial eggplants, pretty much whatever tickled his fancy. Leonard: Yes, but our society has undergone a paradigm shift, in the information age, Sheldon, you and I are the alpha males. We shouldn’t have to back down. Sheldon: True. Why don’t you text him that and see if he backs down? Leonard: No. I’m going to assert my dominance face to face. Sheldon: Face to face? Are you going to wait for him to sit down, or are you going to stand on a coffee table? Leonard: Hello Penny. Hello Kurt. Penny: Oh, hey guys. You having a good time? Sheldon: Given the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American education system. Kurt: What, you’re a zebra, right? Sheldon: Yet another child left behind. Kurt: And what are you supposed to be, an Elf? Leonard: No, I’m a Hobbit. Kurt: What’s the difference? Leonard: Uh, a Hobbit is a mortal Halfling inhabitant of Middle Earth, whereas an Elf is an immortal tall warrior. Kurt: So why the hell would you want to be a Hobbit? Sheldon: Because he is neither tall nor immortal, and none of us could be The Flash. Kurt: Well, whatever, why don’t you go hop off on a quest, I’m talking to Penny here. Leonard: I think we’re all talking to Penny here. Sheldon: I’m not. No offence. Kurt: Okay, maybe you didn’t hear me, go away. Penny: Alright Kurt, be nice. Kurt: Aw, I am being nice. Right little buddy. Penny: Kurt! Leonard: Okay, I understand your impulse to try to physically intimidate me. I mean, you can’t compete with me on an intellectual level and so you’re driven to animalistic puffery. Kurt: Are you calling me a puffy animal? Penny: Of course not, no, he’s not, you’re not, right Leonard? Leonard: No, I said animalistic. Of course we’re all animals, but some of us have climbed a little higher on the evolutionary tree. Sheldon: If he understands that, you’re in trouble. Kurt: So what, I’m unevolved? Sheldon: You’re in trouble. Kurt: You know, you use a lot of big words for such a little dwarf. Penny: Okay, Kurt, please. Leonard: No, Penny, it’s okay, I can handle this. I’m not a dwarf, I’m a Hobbit. A Hobbit. Are misfiring neurons in your hippocampus preventing the conversion from short-term to long-term memory? Kurt: Okay, now you’re starting to make me mad. Leonard: A h*m*-habilus discovering his opposable thumbs says what? Kurt: What? Leonard: I think I’ve made my point. Kurt: Yeah, how about I make a point out of your pointy little head. Sheldon: Let me remind you, while my moral support is absolute, in a physical confrontation I will be less than useless. Leonard: There’s not going to be a confrontation, in fact I doubt if he can even spell confrontation. Kurt (physically lifting Leonard from the ground): C – O – N… frontation! Penny: Kurt, put him down this instant. Kurt: He started it. Penny: I don’t care, I’m finishing it, put him down. Kurt: Fine. You’re one lucky little leprechaun. Sheldon: He’s a Hobbit! I’ve got your back. Penny: Leonard, are you okay. Leonard: Yeah, no, I’m fine. It’s good, it’s a good party, thanks for having us, it’s just getting a little late so…. Penny: Oh, okay, alright, well thank you for coming. Sheldon: Happy Halloween. (They leave) If it’s any consolation, I thought that h*m*-habilus line really put him in his place. Scene: The living room. Sheldon brings Leonard a cup of tea. Leonard: What’s that? Sheldon: Tea. When people are upset the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages. There there. You want to talk about it? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Good. There there was really all I had. Leonard: Good night Sheldon. Sheldon: Good night Leonard. Penny (knocking on door and entering): Hey Leonard. Leonard: Hi Penny. Penny: Hey, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Leonard: I’m fine. Penny: I’m so sorry about what happened. Leonard: It’s not your fault. Penny: Yes it is. That’s why I broke up with him, he always does stuff like that. Leonard: So why was he at your party? Penny: Well, I ran into him last week and, he was… just, all apologetic, about how he’s changed, he was just going on and on and I believed him, and I’m an idiot because I always believe guys like that and… I can’t go back to my party because he’s there, and I know you don’t want to hear this and I’m upset and I’m really drunk and I just want to… (bursts into tears and rests head on Leonard’s shoulder.) Leonard: There there. Penny: God, what is wrong with me. Leonard: Nothing, you’re perfect. Penny: Gah, I’m not perfect. Leonard: Yes you are. Penny: You really think so, don’t you? (She kisses hm.) Leonard: Penny? Penny: Yeah. Leonard: How much have you had to drink tonight? Penny: Just…. a lot. Leonard: Are you sure that your being drunk, and your being angry with Kurt doesn’t have something to do with what’s going on here? Penny: It might. Boy, you’re really smart. Leonard: Yeah, I’m a frickin’ genius. Penny: Leonard, you are so great. Why can’t all guys be like you? Leonard: Because if all guys were like me, the human race couldn’t survive. Penny: I should probably go. Leonard: Probably. Penny (in doorway): Thank you. (She kisses him again. Kurt is watching.) Leonard: That’s right, you saw what you saw. That’s how we roll in The Shire. (Closes door quickly, locks and chains it.) Scene: The apartment, there is a knock on the door. Sheldon: Coming. (Opens door to Howard.) Howard: Hey, have you seen Koothrapali? Sheldon: He’s not here. Maybe the Avenger summoned him. Howard: He’s not the Marvel comic story, he’s the original Norse God. Sheldon: Thank you for the clarification. Howard: I’m supposed to give him a ride home. Sheldon: Well I’m sure he’ll be fine. He has his hammer. Scene: A random bedroom. Butterfly costume girl is climbing off of Raj. Butterfly Girl: Wow, I have to say, you are an amazing man. You’re gentle and passionate, and my God, you are such a good listener! (Raj puts hands behind head with a smug expression on his face.)

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x06 - The Middle Earth Paradigm"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: The apartment, the living room. Howard: Watch this, it’s really cool. Call Leonard Hofstadter. Howard’s phone: Did you say, call Helen Boxleitner? Howard: No. Call Leonard Hofstadter. Howard’s phone: Did you say, call Temple Beth Sader. Howard: No. Leonard: Here, let me try. Call McFlono McFloonyloo. Heh-heh. Howard’s phone: Calling Rajesh Koothrappali. (Raj’s phone rings). Raj: Oh, that’s very impressive. And a little r*cist. Sheldon: If we’re all through playing mock the flawed technology, can we get on with Halo night, we were supposed to start at eight, it is now 8:06. Leonard: So? We’ll start now. Sheldon: Yes, first we have to decide if those lost six minutes will be coming out of game time, bathroom time or the pizza break. Raj: We can split it two, two and two. Howard: If we’re having anchovies on the pizza we can’t take it out of bathroom time. (There is a knock on the door.) Sheldon: Oh, what fresh hell is this? Leonard (opening door): Hey Penny, come on in. Penny: Hey guys. Howard: See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day you’ll have good luck. Penny: No you won’t. Uh, can I hide out here for a while. Leonard: Sure. What’s going on. Penny: Well, there’s this girl I know from back in Nebraska, Christie, well anyway she called me up and she’s like “Hey, how’s California,” and I’m like “Awesome” ‘cos, you know, it’s not Nebraska, and the next thing I know she’s invited herself out here to stay with me. Sheldon: 8:08. Penny: Anyway, she got here today, and she’s just been in my apartment, yakkety-yakking about every guy she’s slept with in Omaha, which is basically every guy in Omaha, and washing the sluttiest collection of underwear you have ever seen in my bathroom sink. Howard: Well, is she doing it one thong at a time, or does she just throw it all in, like some sort of erotic bouillabaisse. Penny: He really needs to dial it down. Leonard: So, if you don’t like this Christie, why are you letting her stay? Penny: Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she’s kind of family. Sheldon: You know, I apologise for my earlier outburst, who needs Halo when we can be regaled with the delightfully folksy tale of the whore of Omaha? Leonard: Oh, I don’t think she’s a whore. Penny: No, yeah she’s definitely a whore. I mean, she has absolutely no standards, this one time, she was at… where’s Howard? Howard (voice off): Bonjour mademoiselle, I understand you’re new in town. Sheldon: Oh good grief. Credit Sequence Scene: Penny, Sheldon, Raj and Leonard stand in the apartment doorway. Romantic music plays from Penny’s apartment door. Penny: Ugh, I cannot believe Christie let Howard into my apartment. Sheldon: And I cannot believe people pay for horoscopes, but on a more serious note it’s 8:13 and we’re still not playing Halo. Leonard: Okay, fine, we’ll just play one on one until he gets back. Sheldon: One on one? We don’t play one on one, we play teams, not one on one. One on one! Leonard: Well the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half. Raj: Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half, there’s a billion more where he came from. Penny: Hey, if you guys need a fourth, I’ll play. Leonard: Great idea. Sheldon: Uh, no. The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea. This is a notion, and a rather sucky one at that. Penny: Why? Sheldon: Why? Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny. Penny: Oh, what, what, what? Sheldon: This is a complex battle simulation with a steep learning curve, there are myriad w*apon, vehicles and strategies to master, not to mention an extremely intricate back-story. Penny (picking up a controller, there is the sound of an expl*si*n from the television): Oh cool, whose head did I just blow off? Sheldon: Mine. Penny: Okay, I got this, lock and load boys. Leonard: It’s the only way we can play teams. Sheldon: Yes, but whoever’s her partner will be hamstrung by her lack of experience and not to mention that fact that sh…. (another expl*si*n) Penny: Ha-ha, there goes your head again. Sheldon: Okay, this isn’t at all good sportsmanship to sh**t somebody who’s just respawned, you need to give them a chance to (expl*si*n) now come on! Time shift Sheldon: Raj, Raj, she’s got me cornered, cover me. Penny: Cover this, suckers. Ha-ha-ha! Leonard: Penny, you are on f*re. Penny: Yeah, so is Sheldon. Sheldon: Okay, that’s it, I don’t know how, but she is cheating. No-one can be that attractive and be this skilled at a video game. Penny: Wait, wait, Sheldon, come back, you forgot something. Sheldon: What? Penny: This plasma grenade. (expl*si*n.) Ha! Look, it’s raining you! Sheldon: You laugh now, you just wait until you need tech support. Penny: Gosh, he’s kind of a sore loser, isn’t he? Leonard: Well, to be fair, he is also a rather unpleasant winner. Penny: Well, it’s been fun. Leonard: You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime. Penny: Or we could just have a life. Leonard: I guess for you that’s an option. Penny: Good night, Leonard. Leonard: Good night. Penny: As usual, nice talking to you Raj (leaves.) Raj: What do you suppose she meant by that? Leonard: She’s an enigma, Raj. Sheldon: And another thing, there’s a certain ethic to the game, Penny, a well estab… Leonard: She’s gone, Sheldon. Sheldon: Well she could have said goodbye. Penny (entering again): Okay, I have a problem. Sheldon: It’s called carpal tunnel syndrome, and quite frankly you deserve it. Leonard: What’s wrong? Penny: Um, well, Howard and Christie are… kind of… hooking up in my bedroom. Leonard: Are you sure? Penny: Look, I grew up on a farm, okay, from what I heard they’re either having sex or Howard’s caught in a milking machine. Do you mind if I stay here tonight? Leonard: No, take the couch, or my bed, I just got new pillows, hypo-allergenics. Penny: Uh, the couch is good. Sheldon: Hold that thought, Leonard, a moment. Leonard: Let me guess, you have a problem with this. Sheldon: Where do I begin? Leonard: It’s up to you, crazy person’s choice. Sheldon: Well first, we don’t have house guests, frankly if I could afford the rent I’d ask you to leave. Leonard: Your friendship means a lot to me as well, what else? Sheldon: Well, our earthquake supplies, we have a two day, two man kit. Leonard: So? Sheldon: So, if there is an earthquake and the three of us are trapped here, we could be out of food by tomorrow afternoon. Leonard: I’m sorry, are you suggesting that if we let Penny stay we might succumb to cannibalism? Sheldon: No-one ever thinks it will happen until it does. Leonard: Penny, if you promise not to chew the flesh off our bones while we sleep, you can stay. Penny: Hu.. what? Sheldon: He’s engaging in reductio-ad-absurdum. It’s the logical fallacy of extending someone’s argument to ridiculous proportions and then criticising the result, and I do not appreciate it. Leonard: I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow. Sheldon: Okay, well since I’m obviously being ignored here, let’s go over the morning schedule, I use the bathroom from 7 to 7:20, plan your ablutions and bodily functions accordingly. Penny: How am I supposed to plan my bodily functions? Sheldon: I suggest no liquids after 11pm. Leonard: Here you go. Penny: Thanks Leonard. (Arranges pillows on left of couch.) Sheldon: Hmmph, wrong. Penny: I’m listening. Sheldon: Your head goes on the other end. Penny: Why? Sheldon: It’s culturally universal, a bed, even a temporary bed, is always oriented with the headboard away from the door. It serves the ancient imperative of protecting oneself against marauders. Penny: I’ll risk it. Sheldon: Hm! Penny: Anything else I should know. Sheldon: Yes. If you use my toothbrush I’ll jump out that window. Please don’t come to my funeral. Have a good night. Leonard: Sorry about that. Penny: That’s okay. Leonard: FYI, his toothbrush is the red one in the plexiglass case under the UV light. Penny: Got it. Leonard: Well, sleep tight. Penny: Thanks. Leonard: Funny expression, sleep tight. It refers to the early construction of beds which featured a mattress suspended on interlocking ropes which would occasionally… sleep tight. (Penny turns off light and lies down on couch. Across the room, Raj is still in the kitchen, eating a sandwich. Realising everyone has forgotten about him, he quietly lets himself out. Penny hears the door close, looks worried, then moves her head to the other end of the couch.) Scene: The following morning. Sheldon is in the kitchen making breakfast. He crosses to the couch, sees Penny sleeping there, looks lost. He is about to sit down on Penny when Leonard enters. Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: Every Saturday since we have lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal, added a quarter cup of 2% milk, sat on this end of this couch, turned on BBC America and watched Doctor Who. Leonard: Penny’s still sleeping. Sheldon: Every Saturday since we have lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal…. Leonard: I know, I know, look, you have a TV in your room, why don’t you just have breakfast in bed? Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother’s Day. Penny: Uh, what time is it? Leonard: Almost 6:30. Penny: I slept all day? Leonard: Oh, no, it’s 6:30 in the morning. Penny: What the hell is your problem? Sheldon: Okay, this cereal has lost all its molecular integrity, I now have a bowl of shredded wheat paste. Howard (entering): Ola, nerd-migos. Penny: Why do you people hate sleep? Are you wearing my robe? Howard: Oh, yeah, sorry, I’ll have it cleaned. Penny: That’s okay, keep it. Where’s Christie. Howard: In the shower. Oh, by the way, where did you get that loofah mitt, yours reaches places that mine just won’t. Penny: Y-you used my loofah? Howard: More precisely we used your loofah. I exfoliated her brains out! Penny: You can keep that too. Howard: Ah, well then we’ll probably need to talk about your stuffed bear collection. Christie (voice off): Howard? Howard: In here my lady. Christie (entering): Mmmm, there’s my little engine that could. Howard: chka-chka-chka-chka-chka-chka-chka (they kiss). Sheldon: Well there’s one beloved children’s book I’ll never read again. Christie: Hi, Christie. Leonard: Leonard. Sheldon: I’m Sheldon. Christie: Right, you’re Howard’s entourage. Penny: Uh, so Christie, what are your plans? Christie: Oh, well, Howard said he’d take me shopping in Beverley Hills. Penny: Yeah, no, I meant plans to find some place to live. Other than with me, not that I don’t love having you, but it’s… a little crowded. Leonard: Penny, you’re always welcome to stay with us. Sheldon: Oh, terrific, now we’re running a cute little B&B. Howard: Let me offer a little outside the box thinking here, why doesn’t Christie stay with me. Leonard: For one thing you live with your mother. Howard: I do not, my mother lives with me. Sheldon: Well then, it’s all settled, Christie will stay with Howard, Penny can go back to her apartment, and I’ll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it’s more like Doctor Why Bother. Leonard: Sheldon you just can’t dictate… Sheldon: No more talking, everybody go. Howard: So, what do you say, you wanna repair to Castle Wolowitz? Christie: What is that, like a Mexican deli? Howard: I’m sorry, I should have mentioned this earlier, my last name is Wolowitz. Christie: Oh, that’s so cool. My first Jew! Sheldon: I imagine there aren’t many kosher corn-huskers. Christie: But you’re still taking me shopping, right? Howard: Anything you want. Christie: Okay, I’ll go pack my stuff. Howard: When they perfect human cloning I’m going to order twelve of those. Leonard: Howard, can’t you see she’s using you? Howard: Who cares, last night she pulled off her blouse and I wept! Penny: Look, Howard, I know her, okay, she’ll have sex with anyone as long as they keep buying her things. Howard: Really? Penny: Yeah. Howard: Yay! If you’ll excuse me, I have some Bar-Mizvah bonds to cash. Scene: A Chinese restaurant. Sheldon: I’m sorry, we cannot do this without Wolowitz. Leonard: We can’t order Chinese food without Wolowitz? Sheldon: Let me walk you through it, our standard is, the steamed dumpling appetizer, General So’s chicken, beef with broccoli, shrimp with lobster sauce and vegetable lo-main. Do you see the problem? Leonard: I see a problem. Sheldon: Our entire order is predicated on four dumplings and four entrees divided among four people. Leonard: So, we’ll just order three entrees. Sheldon: Fine, what do you want to eliminate, and who gets the extra dumpling. Raj: We could cut it into thirds. Sheldon: Then it is no longer a dumpling, once you cut it open it is at best a very small open faced sandwich. Waiter: Hi fellas. Oh, where’s your annoying little friend who thinks he speaks Mandarin? Sheldon: He’s putting his needs ahead of the collective good. (Pointing at waiter) Where he comes from, that’s punishable by death. Waiter: I come from Sacramento. Leonard: Can we get an order of dumplings, but with three instead of four. Waiter: No substitutions. Leonard: This isn’t a substitution, it’s a reduction. Waiter: Okay, no reductions. Leonard: Fine, bring us three orders of dumplings, that’s twelve, we’ll each have four. Raj: That works. Sheldon: No, if we fill up on dumplings we’ll need to eliminate another entree. Waiter: No eliminations. Leonard: If we have extra, we’ll just take the leftovers home. Sheldon: And divide it how, I’m telling you we cannot do this without Wolowitz. Leonard: Wolowitz is with his new girlfriend, if you had let me invite Penny then you would have had your fourth. Sheldon: Have you seen Penny eat Chinese food, she uses a fork, and she double dips her egg rolls. Leonard: We don’t order egg rolls. Sheldon: Exactly, but we’d have to if she was here. Raj: Can we please make a decision, not only are there children starving in India, there’s an Indian starving right here. Leonard: Here’s an idea, why don’t we just go out for Indian food. Sheldon: No. Raj: Uurgh. Waiter: You are nice boys. Tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to bring you the four dumplings. When I’m walking over to the table, maybe I get bumped, one of the dumplings falls to the floor, no-one has to know. Sheldon: I’ll know. Waiter: (wanders away cursing in Mandarin.) Raj: How about soup? Leonard: Yeah, we can always divide soup. Sheldon: What about the won-tons? Scene: Outside Penny’s door. Leonard knocks. Penny (answering): Oh, hey guys, what’s up? Sheldon: It’s Halo night. Penny: Yeah. Okay. So? Leonard: Well, with Wolowitz spending all of his time with your friend Christie, Penny: She’s not my friend. Friends do not get their friends care bears all sweaty. Leonard: Right, anyway, uh, with Wolowitz occupied elsewhere, we had something we wanted to ask you. Sheldon? Sheldon: Yes. Penny, we would very much appreciate it if you would be the fourth member of our Halo team. I don’t think I need to tell you what an honour this is. Penny: Oh, that’s so sweet. But I’m going out dancing with a girlfriend. Sheldon: You can’t go out, it’s Halo night. Penny: Well, for Penny it’s dancing night. Sheldon: You go dancing every Wednesday. Penny: No. Sheldon: Then it’s not dancing night. Penny: Look, why don’t I play with you guys tomorrow? Sheldon: Tonight is Halo night, it’s like talking to a wall. Penny: Alright, now Sheldon, you and I are about to have a problem. Leonard: Sheldon, remember, we role-played this. Sheldon: Yes, but you didn’t portray her as completely irrational. Penny: Alright fellas, I gotta go. Good luck. Leonard: Maybe we should have asked if we could go dancing with her and her girlfriend. Sheldon: Okay, assuming we could dance, which we can’t, there are three of us and two of them. Leonard: So? Sheldon: It’s the Chinese restaurant all over again. I assure you that cutting a dumpling in thirds is child’s play compared with three men, each attempting to dance with 67% of a woman. Leonard: Aaah, for God’s sake, Sheldon, you are driving me crazy. Sheldon: Your anger’s not with me, sir, but with basic mathematics. Leonard: No, I’m pretty sure my anger’s with you. Raj: What’s happening to us? We’re falling apart. Leonard: Who are you calling? Sheldon: The only man who can restore any semblance of balance to our universe. Howard (voice): Hi this is Howard Wolowitz. Christie (voice): And this is Christie Van Der Bell. Howard (voice): We can’t get to the phone right now because we’re having sex. Christie (voice): You’re not going to put that on your message are you? Howard (voice): No, I’m just kidding, I’ll re-record it. (beep) Scene: Outside Howard’s house. Leonard: Sheldon, think this through, you’re going to ask Howard to choose between sex and Halo. Sheldon: No, I’m going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3. As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced w*apon systems. Leonard: You’re right, all sex has is nudity, orgasms and human contact. Sheldon: My point. Christie (voice from within): I’m just saying, you can take the damned plastic off the couch once in a while. Howard’s Mother (voice): Why, so you and Howard can hump on it? Howard (voice): Ladies, ladies, I’m sure there’s a middle ground. Christie and Howard’s Mother together: Shut up Howard. Howard (voice): You girl’s talk, I’m going to take my scooter out for a little spin. Christie (voice as Howard emerges through door): Are you happy, you drove your own son out of the house. Howard’s Mother (voice): Why don’t you stop butting in where you don’t belong. Howard: What are you guys doing here? Sheldon: It’s Halo night. Howard’s Mother (voice): He’s not a man, he’s a putz, and don’t you take that tone with me, you gold digger. Christie (voice): What did you call me? Howard’s Mother (voice): You heard me, and I’ll tell you something else, you’re barking up the wrong tree, cos as long as you’re around, Howard is out of the will. Christie: (voice): You know what, I got better offers, I’m out of here. Howard’s Mother (voice): That’s right, go back to Babylon, you whore. Howard: So, Halo night, huh? Raj: I thought she was the whore of Omaha? Sheldon: Shhh! Scene: The apartment, Halo night. Howard: Sheldon, you got him in your sights, f*re, he’s charging his plasma r*fle. Sheldon: I can’t sh**t now, I’m cloaking. Leonard: Now, Raj, k*ll Sheldon. Raj: I can’t see him. Sheldon: That’s why the call it cloaking, d*ad man. Leonard: Well then start throwing grenades. Raj: I’m all out. Penny (entering with three other sexy women): Hi guys, my friends and I got tired of dancing, so we came over to have sex with you. Leonard: That will do, Raj, straight for the t*nk. Sheldon: We said no t*nk. Raj: There are no rules in hell! Howard: Son of a bitch, medpack, I need a medpack! Penny: Told yah! (They leave). Leonard: There’s a sn*per, use your rocket launcher. Raj: All I’ve got is a needler, and I’m all out of a*mo. Sheldon: And now you’re out of life. Why did you h*t pause? Leonard: I thought I heard something. Raj: What? Leonard: No, never mind, alright, go.

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x07 - The Dumpling Paradox"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: The Apartment. Sheldon: Damn you, walletnook.com. Leonard: Problem? Sheldon: The online description was completely misleading, they said eight slots plus removable ID, to any rational person that would mean room for nine cards, but they don’t tell you the removable ID takes up one slot, it’s a nightmare. Leonard: Okay, now, do you really need the honorary Justice League of America membership card? Sheldon: It’s been in every wallet I’ve owned since I was five. Leonard: Why? Sheldon: It says keep this on your person at all times. (Knock on door) It’s right here under Batman’s signature. Leonard opens door. Raj and Howard are outside. Raj is holding a laptop which is open. His parents are on the screen. Raj: And this is Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment. Howard: Guess whose parents just got broadband. Raj: May I present, live from New Delhi, Dr and Mrs V. M. Koothrappali. Leonard: Hi. Dr Koothrappali: Lift up the camera. I’m looking at his crotch. Raj: Sorry papa. Dr Koothrappali: Oh, there’s much better. Hi. Leonard: Hi! Raj: And over here is Sheldon. Sheldon: Hi. Raj: He lives with Leonard. Mrs Koothrappali: Oh, that’s nice. Like Haroun and Tanweer. Raj: No, no, not like Haroun and Tanweer. Mrs Koothrappali: Such sweet young men, they just adopted the cutest little Punjabi baby. Leonard: Yeah, we’re not like Haroun and Tanweer! Dr Koothrappali: So are you boys academics like our son? Together: Yes. Dr Koothrappali: And your parents are comfortable with your limited earning potential? Together: Not at all. Raj: Papa, please don’t start. Dr Koothrappali: God, it’s just a question, he’s so sensitive. Raj: Okay, that’s my life, that’s my friends, good to see you, say goodbye. Together: Bye! Dr Koothrappali: Wait, wait. Before you go we have good news. Put the computer down and gather your friends. Raj: What is it papa. Dr Koothrappali: Friends. Howard (as they gather): Is it just me, or does webchatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless. Mrs Koothrappali: Rajesh, do you remember Lalita Gupta? Raj: The little fat girl that used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable. Mrs Koothrappali: Yes. Well, now she’s a dental student at USC, so we gave her your contact information. Raj: Why did you do that? Dr Koothrappali: You’re 26 years old Rajesh. We want grandchildren. Raj: But Papa, I’m not supposed… Mrs Koothrappali: Lalita’s parents approve the match. Dr Koothrappali: If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid monsoon season. Raj: Spring wedding? Mrs Koothrappali: It’s up to you dear, we don’t want to meddle. Raj: If you don’t want to meddle, then why are you meddling. Sheldon: If I may, your parents probably don’t consider this meddling, while arranged marriages are no longer the norm, Indian parents continue to have a greater than average involvement in their children’s lives. Raj: Why are you telling me about my own culture? Sheldon: You seemed confused. Raj: Sorry, Mommy, Papa, but with all due respect I really can’t go through… Mrs Koothrappali: Sorry darling, we have to go. Doogie Howser is on. Grandma, it’s Doogie time! Bye bye. Dr Koothrappali: Bye bye. Raj: I don’t believe it. Howard: Neither do I. Doogie Howser’s been off the air for like, twenty years. Leonard: Actually, I read somewhere that it’s one of the most popular programmes in India. Sheldon: It might speak to a cultural aspiration to have one’s children enter the medical profession. Leonard: I bet you’re right. Howard: I bet they love Scrubs. Sheldon: What’s not to love? Raj: Excuse me, hello? My parents are trying to marry me off to a total stranger, what am I going to do? Sheldon: I suggest you go through with it. Raj: What? Sheldon: Romantic love as the basis for marriage has only existed since the nineteenth century. Up until then, arranged marriages were the norm, and it served society quite well. Howard: It’s the entire premise of Fiddler on the Roof. Leonard: I’m not a big fan of musicals, but I love that show. Howard: Me too. Of course, it speaks to me culturally. Sheldon: Understandable, but there’s a universality to that story which transcends ethnicity. Howard: Let’s not forget it’s got some really catchy tunes. All: (various noises of agreement) Raj: Okay, I know what I’m going to do. Leonard: What? Raj: Find new friends. Howard: So who wants to rent Fiddler? Sheldon: No need, we have the special edition. Leonard: Well, maybe we are like Haroun and Tanweer. Credits sequence Scene: The apartment. Sheldon (on phone): This is Dr Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the Planetarium. Yeah, well I’m sorry too, but there’s just no room for you in my wallet. Yeah, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History and, frankly, you don’t have dinosaurs. Well I’ll miss you too, bye bye. Okay, I know you’re texting about me, and I’d really like you to stop. Raj (entering): Oh dear, I am rightly and truly screwed. Leonard: Hey, I thought you were finding new friends. Raj: I’ve got some feelers out. In the meantime, listen to this. Lalita (voice from Raj’s phone): Hi Rajesh, this is Lalita Gupta. Your mother gave my mother your phone number to give to me. So I’m calling you, and, ah… call me back. Bye. Raj: Can you believe how pushy she is? Leonard: So don’t call her. Raj: If I don’t call her, I won’t hear the end of it from my parents. Leonard: So call her. Raj: How can I call her, you know I can’t talk to women. Leonard: I’m done, anybody else? Howard: Give me the phone. Raj: Why? Howard: Just give it to me. (Dials) Raj: What are you doing? Howard: Don’t worry, you’ll thank me. (In a fake Indian accent) Hello Lalita, Raj Koothrappali. (Raj starts to chase Howard across the room.) Yes it is good to talk to you too. So, what are you wearing. Oh, not important, so, anyhow, when would you like to meet. Friday works for me. And I call you with the time and place, but in the meantime, keep it real babe. (In own voice) You may now thank me. Raj: For what, making me sound like a Simpsons character? Howard: Fine, next time make your own date. Raj: I didn’t want to make this one. Leonard: Look on the bright side, she might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl. Raj: Great, then we’ll get married, I won’t be able to talk to her, and we’ll spend the rest of our lives in total silence. Howard: Worked for my parents. Penny (knocking and entering): Hi guys. Leonard: Oh, hey. Penny: I need some guinea pigs. Sheldon: Okay, there’s a lab animal supply company in Reseda you could try, but if your research is going to have human applications may I suggest white mice instead, their brain chemistry is far closer to ours. Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I’m going to get the hang of talking to you. Leonard: His mom’s been saying that for years. What’s up? Penny: Well, I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bar tending shift, so I need to practice making drinks. Leonard: Oh, great, well the key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition. Sheldon: With certain obvious exceptions. su1c1de, for example. Penny: So Leonard, how about it? Leonard: Look, Penny, we’d love to help you, but Raj is going through some stuff right now. And besides, he doesn’t drink, so… (Raj whispers in his ear) Really? Um, Raj is going through some stuff right now and he’d like to take up drinking. Scene: Penny’s apartment. Penny: Okay, here you go, Leonard, one tequila sunrise. Leonard: Thank you. This drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container. Thank you. Penny: Okay, Raj, what’ll it be? (Raj whispers in Leonard’s ear.) Leonard: Whatever you recommend. Penny: Uh, how about a grasshopper. I make a mean grasshopper. Okay? Good. Coming up. Sheldon, what are you going to have? Sheldon: I’ll have a diet coke. Penny: Okay, can you please order a cocktail, I need to practice mixing drinks. Sheldon: Fine. I’ll have a virgin cuba libre. Penny: That’s, um, rum and coke without the rum. Sheldon: Yes, Penny: So coke. Sheldon: Yes. And would you make it diet? Penny: There’s a can in the fridge. Sheldon: A cuba libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge. Penny: Then swim to Cuba. Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills. Penny: Okay, Raj, here you go. Alright, who’s next? Howard: I’d like to try a slippery nipple. Penny: Okay, you’re cut off. Anybody need a refill? Raj: Where did my life go, Penny? One day I’m a carefree batchelor, and the next I’m married and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi. Penny: A… are you talking to me? Raj: Is there another Penny here? I had such plans. I had dreams. I was going to be the Indira Gandhi of particle astro-physics. But with a penis, of course. Leonard: It’s amazing. Raj: Ever since I was a little boy my father wanted me to be a gynaecologist like him. How can I be a gynaecologist, I can barely look a woman in the eye. You know what, I’m not going to let my parents control my future any longer, it’s time for a showdown. Somebody give me a computer with a webcam. Penny: Okay, sweetie, I think that’s the grasshopper talking. Raj: And it’s about to tell my parents that I’m not riding an elephant down the aisle with Lalita Gupta. Penny: Okay, calm down, no-one can make you get married. Why don’t you just meet this girl and, see what happens. Raj: Haven’t you been listening to me, I cannot talk to women. Leonard: Um… Raj. Howard: No, no, let’s see how long it takes him. Penny: Um, Raj, honey, you say you can’t talk to women but… you’ve been talking to me. Sheldon: And now we’ll never know. Raj: You’re right. I… I am talking to you. Hello Penny, how are you? Penny: I’m fine. Raj: Okay, now I just need to make sure I have a Lalita before I meet the grasshopper. It’s a sweet green miracle. Penny: Okay, if you’re going to drink on this date just promise me you won’t overdo it. Raj: Overdo what? Happiness? Freedom? This warm glow inside of me that promises everything is going to be all hunky donkey? Penny: Yeah, that. Uh, why don’t you bring her to my restaurant when I’m tending the bar so I can keep an eye on you? Raj: Okay. Leonard: Wait a minute, what’s the plan here? Let’s say he meets her and he likes her and they get married, what’s he going to do, stay drunk for the rest of his life? Howard: Worked for my parents. Scene: The restaurant. Raj: I can’t believe I’m sitting here next to little Lalita Gupta. Lalita: Well, you are. Raj: Little Lalita. That’s kind of fun to say. Little Lalita, Little Lalita, Little Lalita, you should try it. Lalita: No, it’s okay. Raj: You have lost so much weight! That must have been difficult for you because you were so, so fat! Do you remember? Lalita: Yes, I do. Raj: Of course you do. Who could forget being that fat? Lalita: Well, I’ve been trying. Raj: So you’re a dental student? Hmm, are you aware that dentists have an extremely high su1c1de rate? Not as high as, say, air traffic controllers, but then there are far more dentists than air traffic controllers, so in pure numbers you’re still winning. Lalita: Yay me! Leonard (to Penny): You have a drink that’ll make him less obnoxious? Penny: Drinks do not work that way. Howard: I’d say he was doing fine, look at her, last girl my mom set me up with had a moustache and a vestigial tail. Sheldon: Sorry I’m late. Leonard: What happened? Sheldon: Nothing, I just really didn’t want to come. Virgin diet cuba libre please. Penny: Okay. Sheldon: In a tall glass, with a lime wedge. Penny: Oh, I’ll wedge it right in there. Sheldon: So, how’s Koothrappali d…. oh my Lord. Leonard: What? Sheldon: That’s Princess Punchali. Leonard: I’m pretty sure her name’s Lalita. Sheldon: No, no, Princess Punchali from The Monkey and the Princess. Howard: Oh, yeah, I tried to watch that online, but they wanted a credit card. Sheldon: It’s a children’s story. Howard: Oh, no it isn’t. Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read it to me. It’s about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey, who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly. Penny: I know the reason. Leonard: We all know the reason. Sheldon, what are you getting at? Sheldon: That woman looks exactly like the pictures of Princess Punchali in the book. How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life? Howard: Every year at Comic Con. Every day at Disneyland you can hire Snow White to come to your house. Course they prefer it if you have a kid, but… Raj: Hey guys. This is Lalita Gupta, Lalita this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard and Penny. Isn’t it great, she isn’t fat any more! Sheldon: Forgive me your highness, for I am but a monkey, and it is in my nature to climb. I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair. Lalita: I’m sorry? Sheldon: You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Punchali. Lalita: Oh, no kidding? Oh, who is that? Sheldon: A beloved character from an Indian folk tale. Lalita: Oh. Us Indian, or “come to our casino” Indian? Sheldon: You Indian. Lalita: Oh. Sheldon: The resemblance is remarkable. I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair. Lalita: Thanks. I imagine you smell very nice too. Sheldon: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can. Lalita: Really, so do I. Raj: But you’re a dentist, he’s nuts. Lalita: Don’t be insulting Rajesh. So, Sheldon, tell me more about this princess you say I look like. Sheldon: It was said that the Gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars, and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips. Lalita: Oh my. Raj: Back off Sheldon. Sheldon: What? Raj: If you do not stop hitting on my lady you will feel the full extent of my wrath. Sheldon: I’m not hitting on her. Lalita: And I am not your lady. Howard: And you have no wrath. Raj: You are my lady. Our parents said so. We are for all intents and purposes one hundred percent hooked up. Lalita: Okay, let’s get something straight here. The only reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my case, I certainly don’t need to be getting this old world crap from you. Sheldon: Exactly the kind of spirit with which Princess Punchali led the monkeys to freedom. Raj: Oh, screw Princess Punchali. Lalita: Hey, you can’t talk to me like that. Raj: But you’re not Princess Punchali. Sheldon: Luckily for you, she could have you beheaded. Lalita: Sheldon, are you hungry? Sheldon: I could eat. Lalita: Let’s go. Raj: What just happened? Leonard: Beats the hell out of me. Howard: I’ll tell you what just happened, I just learned how to pick up Indian chicks. Scene: The apartment. Raj is talking to his parents on the webcam. Mrs Koothrappali: What are we supposed to say to Lalita’s parents? Dr Koothrappali: I play golf with her father, I won’t be able to look at him. Raj: Maybe you should keep your eye on the ball, Papa. Dr Koothrappali: Oh, now you’re a funny man? This is not funny, Mr Funny Man. Leonard: Doctor and Mrs Koothrappali, in all fairness, it wasn’t entirely Raj’s fault. Dr Koothrappali: This is a family matter Sheldon. Leonard: No, I’m Leonard. Dr Koothrappali: Oh, sorry, you all look alike to us. Raj: But he’s right, Papa, listen to him. (Sheldon enters) You! You are the one who ruined everything! Mrs Koothrappali: Who is it? We can’t see. Dr Koothrappali: Turn us, turn us. Raj: Go ahead, tell my parents why they won’t have any grandchildren. Sheldon: How would I know, do you have a low sperm count? Raj: This has nothing to do with my sperm count. Mrs Koothrappali: You are wearing the boxers that we sent you, aren’t you Rajesh. Raj: Yes Mommy. Mrs Koothrappali: Because you know what happens to the samosas when you wear the tidy whities. Raj: Can we please stop talking about my testicles? Sheldon, tell them what you did. Sheldon: What did I do? Leonard: You left with his date. Friends don’t do that to each other. Sheldon: Oh. Alright, noted. Sorry. Raj: Sorry? That’s all you can say is sorry? Leonard: Take it, Raj. It’s more than I’ve ever gotten. Sheldon: And may I point out she wouldn’t have asked me to go with her if you hadn’t been drunk and boring. Dr Koothrappali: Drunk? Sheldon: And boring, her words. Dr Koothrappali: I knew it, he moves to America and becomes an alcoholic. Raj: I’m not an alcoholic. Dr Koothrappali: Then why were you drunk? Raj: It was just this one time, Papa, I swear. Dr Koothrappali: Are you in denial? Do we have to come over and do an intervention? Mrs Koothrappali: Don’t embarrass him in front of his friends. Dr Koothrappali: Alright. Carry us outside, we want to talk to you in private. Raj: But Papa, please…. Dr Koothrappali: Now, Rajesh. Raj (to Leonard and Sheldon): I have to go. Dr Koothrappali: Now listen to me…. Raj: Please wait until I get into the hall. Sheldon: Okay, well, good night. Leonard: Hold on. What happened with you and Lalita? Sheldon: We ate. She lectured me on the link between gum disease and heart att*cks, nothing I didn’t already know, and I came home. Leonard: So you’re not going to see her again? Sheldon: Why would I see her again? I already have a dentist. (Exits) Leonard: I wonder who’s going to tell his parents they’re not having grandchildren. Scene: Penny’s restaurant. Sheldon is on the piano, singing “To Life” from Fiddler on the Roof enthusiastically. Leonard: I don’t believe it, what’s gotten into him? Penny: Oh, maybe a couple of virgin cuba libres that turned out to be kind of slutty. Leonard: You didn’t? Penny: Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x08 - The Grasshopper Experiment"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: The apartment, Leonard is attaching something to a lamp. Leonard: Okay, the X10s are online. Howard: Gentlemen, I am now about to send a signal from this laptop through our local ISP, racing down fibre-optic cable at the speed of light to San Francisco, bouncing off a satellite in geosynchronous orbit to Lisbon, Portugal, where the data packets will be handed off to submerged transatlantic cables terminating in Halifax, Nova-Scotia, and transferred across the continent via microwave relays back to our ISP and the X10 receiver attached to this (clicks mouse, lamp switches on) lamp. (The others cheer and clap). Sheldon: Look at me, look at me, I’ve got goosebumps. Howard: Are we ready on the stereo? Raj: Go for stereo. (Howard clicks mouse again. Also Sprach Zarathustra begins to play. At the climactic notes, the four jump in the air and begin pretend conducting or jumping about in time to the music.) Penny (entering): Hey guys. All (calming down, embarrassed): Hello. Penny: It’s a little loud. Howard: No problem, turning it down. (Using mouse again) San Francisco, Lisbon, Halifax (the music gets quieter) et voila. Penny: Okay, thanks. Leonard: Hang on, hang on, do you not realise what we just did. Penny: Yeah, you turned your stereo down with your laptop. Sheldon: No, we turned our stereo down by sending a signal around the world via the internet. Penny: Oh. You know you can just get one of those universal remotes at Radio Shack, they’re really cheap. Leonard: No, no, no, you don’t get it, um, Howard, enable public access. Howard: Public access enabled. (They all stare around for a moment in silence.) Penny: Boy, that’s brilliant, but I’ll see you. Leonard: No, hang on, hang on. (The lamp goes off and on again.) See! Penny: No. Sheldon: Someone in Sezchuan province, China is using his computer to turn our lights on and off. Penny: Huh, well that’s handy. Um, here’s a question, why? All together: Because we can. (There is a loud noise) Sheldon: They found the remote controlled cars. Penny: Well, wait, wait, what’s on top of them. Leonard: Wireless webcams, wave hello. Howard: The monster truck is out of Austin, Texas, and the blue Viper is being operated from suburban Tel Aviv. Sheldon: You may want to put on slacks. Penny: What? (Seeing red car is trying to get between her legs) Ew, stop it, no, leave me alone. Leonard: Who’s running the red Corvette? Howard: That would be me. Credits sequence Scene: The same, clearing up. Sheldon: You know, in the future, when we’re disembodied brains in jars, we’re going to look back on this as eight hours well wasted. Raj: I don’t want to be in a jar. I want my brain in an android body. Eight feet tall and ripped. Howard: I’m with you. I just have to make sure if I’m a synthetic human I’d still be Jewish. I promised my mother. Raj: I suppose you could have your android penis circumcised. But that’s something your Rabbi would have to discuss with the manufacturers. Sheldon: Not to mention you’d have to power down on Saturdays. Leonard: Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash? Sheldon: Well, there’s always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam’s Razor would suggest that someone threw it out. Leonard: It’s from the Institute for Experimental Physics. They want us to present our paper on the properties of super solids at the topical conference on Bowes-Einstein condensates. Sheldon: I know. I read it before I threw it out. Leonard: Okay… if I may drill down to the bedrock of my question, why did you throw it out. Sheldon: Because I have no interest in standing in the Rose Room of the Pasadena Marriott in front of a group of judgemental strangers, who wouldn’t recognise true genius if it were standing in front of them giving a speech. Which, if I were there, it would be. Howard: I don’t know, Sheldon, those topical conferences on Bowes-Einstein condensates parties are legendary. Leonard: Forget the parties. Howard: Forget the parties? What a nerd. Leonard: Are there any other honours I’ve gotten that I don’t know about? Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it? Sheldon: Leonard, please don’t take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize, is the day I begin my research on the drag co-efficient of tassles on flying carpets. Raj: Hoo-hoo-hoo. The only thing missing from that insult was “yo mamma.” Howard: I’ve got one, hey Leonard, your mamma’s research methodology is so flawed…. Leonard: Shut up, Howard. Sheldon, we have to do this. Sheldon: No we don’t. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep ourselves from dying, everything else is optional. Leonard: Okay, let me put it this way, I’m doing it. Sheldon: You can’t. I’m the lead author. Leonard: Oh, come on. The only reason you’re the lead author is because we went alphabetically. Sheldon: I let you think we went alphabetically to spare you the humiliation of dealing with the fact that it was my idea. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I was throwing you a bone. You’re welcome. Leonard: Excuse me, I designed the experiment that proved the hypothesis. Sheldon: It doesn’t need proving. Leonard: So the entire scientific community is just supposed to take your word? Sheldon: They’re not supposed to, but they should. Leonard: Alright, I don’t care what you say, I’m going to the conference and I’m presenting our findings. Sheldon: And I forbid it. Leonard: You forbid it? Sheldon: If I’m not taking credit for our work then nobody is. Leonard: Oh, you admit that it’s our work. Sheldon: No, once again, I’m throwing you a bone. And once again, you are welcome. Leonard: Ah! Howard: Oh no he dit’nt! Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Penny is looking through his closet. Penny: So, how’s it going with Sheldon, are you guys still not talking to each other? Leonard: Not only is he still not talking to me, but there’s this thing he does where he stares at you and tries to get your brain to explode. You know, like in the classic sci-fi movie Scanners? (Put’s fingers to head) You know, bzzz-pchew! Never mind. How about this one. It says, “I know my physics, but I’m still a fun guy!” Penny: Oh, hey, I didn’t know they still made corduroy suits! Leonard: They don’t, that’s why I saved this one. Penny: Okay, well, let’s just see what else you have. Okay, here, take this, and this, and this, and these. Leonard: Is this all stuff you want me to try on? Penny: No, this is stuff I want you to throw out. Leonard: Oh. Penny: Seriously, don’t even give it to charity, you won’t be helping anyone. What’s this. Leonard: Oh, that’s the bottled city of Kandor. Penny: Uh-huh. Leonard: You see, Kandor was the capital city of the planet Krypton, it was miniaturised by Brainiac before Krypton exploded and then rescued by Superman. Penny: Oh, nice. Leonard: It’s a lot cooler when girls aren’t looking at it. Penny: Here, why don’t you put these on while I find a shirt and sport-coat to match. Leonard: Great, be right back. Penny: Well, where you going, just put them on. Leonard: Here? Penny: Oh, are you shy? Leonard: No, I’m not shy. Penny: Don’t worry, I won’t look. Leonard: I know you won’t look, why would you look, there’s nothing to see, well, not nothing…. Penny: Sweetie, put the pants on. Leonard: Putting them on. Penny: So, you know, isn’t there maybe some way you and Sheldon could compromise on this whole presentation thing. Leonard: No. No. Scientists do not compromise. Our minds are trained to synthesise facts and come to inarguable conclusions. Not to mention, Sheldon is batcrap crazy. Penny: What is this? Leonard: Oh, careful. That’s my original series Battlestar Galactica flight suit. Penny: Oh, why didn’t you wear it at Halloween? Leonard: Because it’s not a costume, it’s a flight suit. Penny: Okay, alright, moving on, oh, wow, a paisley shirt. Leonard: Uh-huh, it goes with my corduroy suit. Penny: If you mean it should end up in the same place then, I agree. Is this your… your only tie? Leonard: Ah. Technically yes, but, if you’ll notice, it’s reversible. So it works as two. Penny: Oh, sweetie, I don’t think it even works as one. Is this all your clothes? Leonard: Yeah. Everything since the eighth grade. Penny: The… the eighth grade? Leonard: My last growth spurt. Penny: Okay, well, I guess we’re back to the corduroy suit. Leonard: Great. Penny: Yup. (Leonard picks up paisley shirt) I said no, put it down. Scene: The ground floor hallway. Penny: Hey Sheldon! Sheldon (unlocking his mailbox): Hello Penny. Penny: Get anything good? Sheldon: Uh, just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly. Penny: Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn’t. (Sheldon looks confused). It was a joke. (Sheldon gives a fake laugh.) Yup, tip your waitresses, I’m here all week. Sheldon: Penny, just to save you from further awkwardness know that I’m perfectly comfortable with the two of us climbing the stairs in silence. Penny: Oh yeah, me too. Zip it, lock it. (The begin to climb) Put it in your pocket. So you and Leonard… Sheldon: Oh dear God! Penny: Little misunderstanding, huh. Sheldon: A little misunder…. Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding. Penny: Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this morning and I think he feels really bad about it. Sheldon: Huh. Penny: Well how do you feel? Sheldon: I don’t understand the question. Penny: Well I’m just asking if it’s difficult to be fighting with your best friend. Sheldon: Oh. I hadn’t thought about it like that. I wonder if I’ve been experiencing physiological manifestations of some sort of unconscious emotional turmoil. Penny: Wait… what? Sheldon: I couldn’t poop this morning. Penny: You should just talk to him, I’m sure you guys can work this out. Sheldon: It’s certainly preferable to my plan. Penny: Which was? Sheldon: A powerful laxative. Penny: Okay, so you absolutely should talk to him, look, I know Leonard values you as a friend, and he told me himself that without your little idea there’s no way he could have come up with this whole experiment thing. Sheldon: Excuse me, little idea? Penny: Yeah, I mean he tried to explain it to me, I didn’t really understand it but… Sheldon: Of course you didn’t, he said little idea? Penny: Uh, well no, no, not in… not in those words. Sheldon: In what words then, exactly Penny: Um, gee, the exact words aren’t written… it’s more the spirit in which it’s Sheldon: What did he say? Penny: You had a lucky hunch. Leonard (coming out of apartment): Hey, Sheldon, I’ve been thinking, instead of arguing about this why don’t…. Sheldon: Don’t you ever speak to me again. Leonard: What… (Sheldon goes into apartment and slams the door). Penny: Uh, he… (makes “he’s screwy” hand movements, turns to go). Scene: The apartment. Leonard is dressed in the corduroy suit. Leonard: Okay, I’m leaving for the conference. Sheldon: Have fun presenting my lucky hunch. Leonard: Sheldon I didn’t mean it like that. Sheldon: Then why did you say it. Leonard: I don’t know, I wasn’t choosing my… Sheldon: Were you trying to impress Penny? Leonard: No, no not at all. A little bit. Sheldon: How’d that work out for you? Penny (entering): Leonard, ready to go? Sheldon: Libido 1, truth zero. Leonard: Okay, I’m going to ask you one more time, we did the work together, lets present the paper together. Sheldon: And I’m telling you for the last time it’s pandering, it’s undignified and bite me. Leonard: Let’s go. Penny: Bye Sheldon. Sheldon: Goodbye Penny. (Places fingers to head to try to make Leonard’s brain explode. Leonard leaves.) Oooh, one of these days, Pkshhhh! Scene: A corridor at the conference. Penny is attaching Leonard’s name tag. Penny: There you go. Leonard: You’re right, this side does look better. Penny: No, no, I didn’t say better, I said less stained. Howard: I just checked the house, there’s probably twenty, twenty-five people in there. Leonard: You’re kidding. Penny: Is that all? Leonard: All? In particle physics, twenty five is Woodstock. Penny: Oh, well, then good! Leonard: I wasn’t expecting such a crowd, I’m a little nervous. Howard: It’s okay, just open with a joke, you’ll be fine. Leonard: A joke. Okay. How about this, um, okay, uh there’s this farmer, and he has these chickens, but they won’t lay any eggs. So, he calls a physicist to help. The physicist then does some calculations, and he says, um, I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens in a vacuum. (Raj and Howard laugh.) Right? Penny: Oh, sorry, I’ve just, I’ve heard it before. Howard: Let’s roll. Hey, nice suit. Leonard: It’s a classic, right? Penny: I really should have brought my own car. Scene: Leonard is presenting. Leonard: So, in conclusion, the data show that at temperatures approaching absolute zero, the moment of inertia changes, and the solid becomes a super-solid, which clearly appears to be a previously unknown state of matter. (Applause) Thank you. (Penny is asleep on Howard’s shoulder. Howard is taking a photograph with his camera phone.) Are there any questions? Voice: Yeah. What the hell was that? Leonard: Any other questions? Sheldon (who previously spoke, now removing his hood and dark glasses): Doctor Sheldon Cooper here, I am the lead author of this particular paper. (No reaction.) Thank you. And you, sir, you have completely skipped over the part where I was walking through the park, and I saw these children on a merry-go-round, which started me thinking about the moment of inertia in gasses like helium at temperatures approaching absolute zero. Leonard: I didn’t skip it, it’s just an anecdote. It’s not science. Sheldon: Oh, I see, was the apple falling on Newton’s head, was that just an anecdote? Leonard: You are not Isaac Newton. Sheldon: No, no that’s true, gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple. Leonard: You cannot possibly be that arrogant. Sheldon: You continue to underestimate me, my good man. Leonard: Look, if you weren’t happy with my presentation then maybe you should have given it with me. Sheldon: As I have explained repeatedly, unlike you, I don’t need validation from lesser minds. No offence. Leonard: Really, so why did you come? Sheldon: Because I knew you’d screw this up. Leonard: I didn’t screw it up. Sheldon: Oh, please. I admit, that spherical chicken joke, that was hilarious. But it was straight downhill from there. Leonard: I’ve had enough of your condescension. Maybe I didn’t go to college when I was eleven like you, maybe I got my doctorate at 24 instead of 16, but you are not the only person who is smarter than everyone else in this room. No offense. And I am clearly not the only person who is tormented by insecurity and has an ego in need of constant validation. Sheldon: So you admit that you’re an egotist? Leonard: Yes. (To audience) My name is Dr Leonard Hofstadter, and I could never please my parents so I need to get all my self-esteem from strangers like you. But he’s worse. Sheldon: Okay, that is it. (Tries to explode brain again.) Leonard: You cannot blow up my head with your mind. Sheldon: Then I’ll settle for an aneurysm. Leonard (knocking his hands down): Stop it. Sheldon: You h*t me. You saw him, he h*t me. Leonard: You were trying to blow up my head. Sheldon: So it was working. Leonard: It wasn’t, it was not, you are a nutcase. Sheldon: Oh we’ll see about that (tries again), heads up you people in the front row, this is a splash zone. Leonard: Stop, stop it, quit it. (The start to fight.) Penny: Is this usually how these physics things go? Howard: More often than you’d think. Leonard (getting Sheldon on floor): Vulcan nerve pinch! Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: You could have offered me a ride home. Leonard: You’re lucky I didn’t run you over. Sheldon: I really don’t understand what you’re so unhappy about, you begged me to come, I came, there’s just no pleasing you. Leonard: You’re right, I’m the problem, I’m the one that needs help. Sheldon: Well that’s not much of an apology, but I’ll take it. Leonard: Excuse me. Is there anything you’d like to apologise for? Sheldon: Yes. I’m sorry I tried to blow up your head. It was uncalled for. Howard (entering with Raj): You won’t believe this. Raj: Somebody got the whole thing on a cell phone and put it on youtube. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Now, who would do that? Howard: That would be me. Hey, check it out, it’s a featured video. (The watch). Leonard: Oh jeez. Is this suit really look that bad? Sheldon: Forget your suit, look at my arms waving, I’m like a flamingo on Ritalin. Penny (entering): Howard, would you like to explain to me why your facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned “Me and my Girlfriend?” Howard: Uh-oh, here comes “the talk.” Penny tries to make Howard’s brain explode. Scene: Captioned “Somewhere in China”, two Chinese students watch the video on their computer. Student one (in captions): What losers. Student two: Yeah. Gigantic American geeks. (The lights flicker) Student one: Who’s doing that? Student two: Someone from Pasadena, California named… “Wolowizard.” Together: Awesome!

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x09 - The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization"}

foreverdreaming

Scene: The downstairs lobby. Leonard: See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists, due to Dyson’s death in Terminator 2. Sheldon: Okay, then riddle me this. Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite hot 17 year-old k*ller robot? Leonard: Skynet is kinky? I don’t know. Sheldon: Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes. Leonard: Alright, oh wait, they use it to in… Sheldon: (Buzzing noise), too late, I win. Penny (voice off, singing, quite tunelessly): Let’s go-oh-oh Ou-oooo-ut tonight. I have to go-oh-oh-oh ou-ooooo-ut tonight. Leonard: What the hell is that? Sheldon: I don’t know, but if cats could sing, they’d hate it too. (The continue up the stairs and disappear from view). Penny (still singing off): You wanna prowl, be my night owl, (Leonard and Sheldon reappear, running down the stairs) we’ll take my… (appearing) Hey guys, hi! Where you going? Leonard: What? Oh we just had to… mail some letters and (seeing Sheldon has large bag in hand and bin is nearby) throw away some chicken. (Sheldon very reluctantly does.) Penny: You’ll never guess what just happened. Leonard: Oh, I give up. Sheldon: I don’t guess. As a scientist I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation, although as I’m saying this it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device rendering my response moot. Penny: What was that? Leonard: Believe it or not, personal growth. What happened? Penny: Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent, but I didn’t get it and I couldn’t figure out why? Sheldon: I have a conclusion based on an observation. Leonard: No you don’t. No he doesn’t. Penny: Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace her. Leonard: Oh, congratulations, what a lucky break. Penny: It’s not a big deal, just a one night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents so, you never know. Sheldon: I think I know. Leonard: No you don’t. He doesn’t. Penny: It’s this Friday at eight, you guys want to come? Together: No. Leonard: Because…. uh, Friday, we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium. Sheldon: I think that’s a week from Tuesday at six. Leonard: No, it’s this Friday, at eight. Penny: Oh, too bad, well, I got to get to rehearsal, see you guys. Leonard: See you. (Penny exits singing) Sheldon: You just lied to Penny. Leonard: Yes, I did. Sheldon: And you did it so casually, no rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration. Leonard: So? Sheldon: So, lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath. Leonard: Sheldon, are you worried about your safety. Sheldon: No, I imagine if you were going to k*ll me you’d have done it a long time ago. Leonard: That’s very true. Leonard exits. Sheldon looks worried for a moment, then retrieves the chicken from the bin and follows. Credits sequence Scene: Outside Leonard’s bedroom. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard… Leonard: What? Sheldon: I need to speak to you. Leonard: It’s two o’clock in the morning Sheldon: It’s important. Leonard: I highly doubt that. Go away. (Long pause). Are you still out there? Sheldon: Yes. Leonard (opening door): What? Sheldon: You’re right, it can wait until morning. Leonard (following Sheldon into living room): What, what, what, what, what? Sheldon: Never mind. I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle, you’re in no state to talk. Leonard: Sheldon, what is it? Sheldon: I’m uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny. Leonard: What was I supposed to say. Sheldon: You could have told her the truth. Leonard: That would have hurt her feelings. Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Then I suppose you could have agreed to go. Leonard: And what would I have said afterwards? Sheldon: I would suggest something to the effect of, singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree, I’d recommend you have a CAT scan, to look for a tumour pressing on the cognitive processing centre of your brain. Leonard: I couldn’t say that, I would have to say, you were terrific and I can’t wait to hear you sing again. Sheldon: Why? Leonard: It’s the social protocol, it’s what you do when you have a friend who’s proud of something they really suck at. Sheldon: I was not aware of that. Leonard: Well now you are. Sheldon: Oh, alright. Leonard. Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: When we played chess earlier, you were terrific and I can’t wait to play you again. Goodnight. Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock)….. Leonard: Oooaw. This would be so much easier if I were a violent sociopath. (Opening door) What? Sheldon: I was analysing our lie, and I believe we’re in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse. Leonard: How? Sheldon: Simple. If she were to log on to www.socalphysicsgroup.org/activities/other, click on upcoming events, scroll down to seminars, download the pdf schedule, and look for the seminar on molecular positronium, well then, bippidy-boppidy-boo, our pants are metaphorically on f*re. Leonard closes door. Sheldon: Well, sir, my trousers will not be igniting today. Scene: Outside Penny’s door. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (door opens) Good morning. Penny: Do you have any idea what time it is? Sheldon: Of course I do. My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It’s accurate to one tenth of a second. But as I’m saying this it occurs to me that once again your question may have been rhetorical. Penny: What do you want? Sheldon: Remember how Leonard told you we couldn’t come to your performance because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium? Penny: I remember symposium. Sheldon: Yes, well, he lied. Penny: Wait, what? Sheldon: He lied, and I’m feeling very uncomfortable about it. Penny: Well imagine how I’m feeling. Sheldon: Hungry? Tired? I’m sorry this really isn’t my strong suit. Scene: The living room. Leonard: You told her I lied, why would you tell her I lied? Sheldon: To help you. Leonard: I’m sorry, I’m not seeing the help. Sheldon: She was going to see through your lie eventually, so I told her that you were lying to protect me. Leonard: Oh, I’m getting a bad feeling. Sheldon: Hunger? Indigestion, I’m sorry I’m really not very good at this. Anyway, Penny now believes that on Friday night, we’re going to participate in my cousin Leopold’s drug intervention. Leonard: Your cousin Leopold? Sheldon: Yea, who most people call Leo, but he also answers to Lee, remember that, it’s important. Leonard: What’s important? Sheldon: Details, Leonard, the success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on details. Leonard: Do you have a cousin Leopold. Sheldon: No, I made him up. I think you’d call him Lee. Leonard: I don’t get it, I already told her a lie, why replace it with a different lie? Sheldon: Well, first of all, your lie was laughably transparent, where mine is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping I was weaving an un-unravelable web. Leonard: Un-unravelable? Sheldon: Yes, if she googles Leopold Houston she’ll find a facebook page, an online blog depicting his descent into drug use, and a desperate yet hopeful listing on e-harmony.com. Leonard: Okay, why would I go to a drug intervention for your cousing. Sheldon: Ah, because it’s in Long Beach, and I don’t drive. Leonard: We’re going to Long Beach? Sheldon: No, of course not, there’s no cousin Leo, there’s no intervention, focus Leonard. Leonard: Oh, come on! Sheldon: We just leave the house on Friday night, and we return in the wee hours emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab. Leonard: So he goes back into rehab? Sheldon: Yes, but, he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to go hear her sing again. Leonard: You still told her I lied. Sheldon: For a noble purpose, to spare me the social embarrassment of having a drug-addled first cousin, which I’m assuming is embarrassing, yes? Leonard: I don’t know. How am I supposed to remember all of this. Sheldon: That’s the best part, you don’t have to, see I told Penny that you would be embarrassed, if you knew that she found out that you had lied, so she’s agreed to operate as if the original lie was still in force. Leonard: So she’s expecting me to lie about going to a symposium in Pasadena, when in actuality we’re pretending to go to a drug intervention in Long Beach? Sheldon: Un-unravelable. Scene: The apartment. Leonard (opening door): Oh hey Penny, wow, look at you, all ready for your showcase, you look great. Penny: Thanks. I just wanted to come by and wish you guys luck with your symposium. Leonard: Oh, well, thankyou. Penny: You know, I got to tell you, a lot of friends would let their friend go alone, but that’s not who you are, you are the kind of guy who stands by a friend when… when he has a symposium to go to. Leonard: I don’t know what to say. Penny: It’s okay, Leonard (hugs him.) Leonard: Oh, okay, alright, good. Howard (arriving): Oh boy, group hug. Penny: Uh-huh! Howard: Uh-huh? Penny: Uh-huh! Howard: Okay. So what’s up? Sheldon: Well, uh, Penny is on her way to perform in a one night showcase production of Rent, which we are unable to attend because we are going to a symposium on molecular positronium, given by Dr Emile Farminfarmian. Howard: Wait a minute, Farminfarmian is speaking and you’re Bogarding the symposium. Leonard: Howard, I’m sorry… we’re… we’re Howard: No, no, you’re quark-blocking us. Leonard: I don’t know what to say. Howard: Wow. Leonard: Howard, listen… Howard: No, it’s okay, it’s your Millenium Falcon, you and Chewbacca do whatever you want to do. Me and Princess Leia here will find some other way to spend the evening. Penny: Howard, wait. Sheldon, I think we should tell them. Sheldon: Okay, sure. I don’t see a problem with that. Penny: There’s no symposium, Leonard lied to me, isn’t that right Leonard. Leonard: Well… I don’t know what to say. Penny: It’s okay, I do, look, Leonard is helping Sheldon through a family crisis, he made up the whole story about the symposium with Dr Farmin..farm…ian Sheldon: Good for you. Penny: Hah, yeah! Because he didn’t want Sheldon to be embarrassed, and there is nothing to be embarrassed okay, every family in America has a relative holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner. Howard (after Raj whispers in his ear): No, I’m lost too, I think she skipped a step. Penny: No, look, Sheldon’s cousin Leo escaped rehab, and he’s in a Motel 8 at Long Beach, the whole family’s going out for an intervention. Leonard is driving Sheldon down there to help him through this because he’s such a good man. Leonard: Oh, another hug, thank you. Penny: Alright you guys, good luck. Leonard: Thanks Penny. Howard: Yeah, uh, break a leg. Sheldon: Break a leg. (She leaves) Howard: So, road trip to Long Beach. Leonard: No, we’re not going to Long Beach. Raj: Why not? Leonard: Because Sheldon doesn’t have a drug addicted cousin Leopold. Raj: Oh, too bad. I’ve always wanted to go to Long Beach. Sheldon: It’s a very nice community. The Queen Mary is docked there, once the largest ocean liner in the world, it’s now a hotel and restaurant where they host a surprisingly gripping m*rder mystery dinner. Raj: Sounds fun. Howard: I’m game. Raj: g*n. Sheldon: No, no, no, Leonard gets nauseous unless he sits in front, and even then it’s iffy. Leonard: Wait, are we really going to Long Beach? Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. The bedside table is piled with Queen Mary memorabilia. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard… Leonard: Let it go, Sheldon, the m*rder was the first mate whether it makes sense to you or not. Sheldon: No, that’s the least of our worries. I’ve been doing some research on addiction, both the biochemical and behavioural aspects, and I think there’s a problem with the current version of our lie. Leonard: What are you talking about, it’s fine, she bought it, it’s over. Sheldon: Sadly, it’s not. Substance abuse is a lifelong struggle, but beyond that I have realised that the Leo I described would not have agreed to go to rehab. Leonard: Why not? Sheldon: Because Leo is a middle child. Leonard: There is no Leo, how can you say that? Sheldon: You didn’t read the bio, did you? He’s not just a middle child, he’s the quintessential middle child, from a broken home to boot. Psychologically speaking, the attention he gets by rebelling even to the point of self-destruction is more emotionally valuable than the help he would get at rehab. Leonard: I’ve got a solution. Sheldon: Great, what is it? Leonard: Get out. Sheldon: Fine. (He leaves. A moment later he comes back.) I’ve hesitated to point this out, but I must now remind you that we are in our current predicament because of your initial and totally inadequate deceit. I’m just trying to clean up after your mess. (Leonard throws a glass ornament at him. He just manages to shut the door in time.) We’ll talk in the morning. Scene: The living room. Leonard enters in his dressing gown. There is a strange man eating cereal at the kitchen table. Strange man: Morning. Leonard: Who are you? Man: I am Sheldon’s cousin Leo. Leonard: Oh, God! Sheldon does not have a cousin Leo. Man: Au contraire. I’m 26 years old, I’m originally from (reads off crib notes) Denton, Texas, but I was a Navy brat so I was brought up on a variety of military bases around the world, as a result I’ve often felt like an outsider, never really fitting in, which is probably the reason for my substance abuse problem. Sheldon: Excuse me, we just went over this. As the quintessential middle child, your addiction is rooted in your unmet need for attention. Man: Oh, Sheldon, are we really going to go with pop psychology. Sheldon: For your information, this is all based on solid research, stick with the character profile I wrote for you. Leonard: Sheldon? Sheldon: I’m sorry, Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld, he’s a research assistant in the particle physics lab, but he also minored in theatre at MIT. Toby: It was more of a double major actually. Theatre and physics. You can guess which one my bourgeois parents pushed me towards. Leonard: Yeah, I got it, Sheldon, why? Sheldon: Well, you see, while Leo would not have gone into rehab, it is completely plausible that we would have talked him into leaving the motel, and coming home with us. Leonard: Oh…! Toby: Sheldon, how about this as my motivation. When I was fourteen years old I was abused in the Philippines by a club footed Navy chaplain. Sheldon: No. We’re going with middle child, and a generic predisposition to inadequate serotonin production. Toby: Swell, how do I play genetic predisposition? Sheldon: Subtextually, of course. (There is a knock on the door.) Just have fun with it. (Opening door.) Morning Penny. Penny: Hi. How did the intervention go. Sheldon: Unfortunately, we weren’t able to convince him to go to rehab. Penny: Well, based on what you told me, I’m not surprised. Sheldon: But we did convince him to leave the motel. Come say hello. Leo, this is Penny, our friend and neighbour. Penny: Hi Leo, how are you feeling? Toby: Let me ask you something, Penny. Have you ever woken up in a fleabag motel, covered in your own vomit, next to a transsexual prost*tute? Penny: No. Toby: Then don’t ask me how I’m feeling. Leonard: Well, that’s Leo. Hey, um, why don’t you tell me about your showcase last night? Penny: Oh, it was okay I guess, wasn’t a big turn out but they both really seemed to like it. Leonard: There were only two people there? Penny: By the end. Yeah. Toby: Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan! Penny: I’m… I’m sorry. Toby: The Philippines. 1992. The Subic Bay Naval Station. A young boy on the cusp of manhood. His only companions mongrel dogs and malarial mosquitos. Desperate and alone he reached out to a man who promised to introduce him to a merciful, loving God, but who instead introduced him to a gin pickled tongue shoved down his adolescent throat. What choice did he have but to drink, sh**t and snort his pain away. Sheldon: Don’t forget his genetic predisposition towards addiction. Toby: That’s never been proven. Sheldon: There have been studies. Toby: Not double blind studies. Sheldon: How could there be a double blind study, who would be the control group. Leonard: As you can see, detoxing can get pretty ugly, let’s give them some privacy. Penny: Yeah. Hey, do you want to come over to my place, have coffee? Leonard: Sounds good. Penny: I have a video of me singing last night, do you want to see it? Leonard: Gee, why wouldn’t I? Penny: This is even better than you coming to the showcase, because now I get to watch you watch me. Leonard: Yeah! Funny how things work out. Toby: And that he loved the companionship and the wisdom that his own father failed to provide. Sheldon: Your parents made the right decision. Toby: I cannot work like this! Scene: The apartment. Penny is on the sofa with Toby. They are watching TV. Toby: This is amazing. Just sitting on a couch, watching TV with a woman. Not being drunk, or high, or… or… wondering if you’re a dude down there. Penny: Leo, you are a very sweet, really funny guy. You’re gonna do okay. Toby: One day at a time, Penny, one day at a time. Leonard: How long is he going to stay here. Sheldon: He’s a homeless drug addict, Leonard, where is he going to go? Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying.

{"type": "series", "show": "The Big Bang Theory", "episode": "01x10 - The Loobenfeld Decay"}

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