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152ninw

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Designer_Orchid94 **in** r/offmychest TW: >!References to infidelity, medical issues, and prior miscarriages!< Mood Spoiler: >!Wholesome!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14ux2ej/i_am_glad_that_my_wifes_ex_cheated_on_her/) \- Jul. 9, 2023 **I am glad that my wife's ex cheated on her.** I know the title sounds bizarre but hear me out. My wife and I used to be neighbors. I was working as an electrician at that time. I saw her the day she moved in. She looked really sad and lonely. I decided to help her move in because there was no one to do that for her. From then we used to bump into each other a lot. I wanted to speak more to her but she never seemed interested in me. One day I saw her crying in front of the stairs. She looked really devastated. From there I got to know her story. She has dealt with a lot of health issues. She had multiple cysts in her breasts that she had to go in operations. She was also suffering from PCOS which actually affected her fertility. She used to be married to a man but he cheated on her with her bestfriend and got her pregnant. Then he kicked her out and slapped her with divorce paper. I sat there with her because I know she needed a real friend. I wasn't really expecting anything in return. We got closer and closer and I finally grew some balls to ask her out. I didn't care if she could give me kids or not. I just wanted to be with her because she is an awesome lady and life wasn't fair towards her. We dated for few years and then got married. She has been my rock. I wanted to go back to school and finish my diploma and she has supported me through it. I always tell her that I am really lucky to have her in my life. I never knew what family felt like until I married her. I grew up in an abusive family. It took me years of therapy to cope with it. But with her I feel like I have peace in my life. I love her so much that words are not enough to express it. Now, as I am writing this, she is sleeping on my lap while she was watching a Barbie marathon. I know one other thing about her. It is that she is pregnant and hasn't told me. The only reason I know because I found her planner when I borrowed her laptop for something. I opened it and discovered she has planned to tell me about the pregnancy 3 days later on our wedding anniversary. Can't say I haven't noticed it yet. I have observed her breasts have become bigger and her moods have shifted. She also vomits in the morning. I will not spoil this surprise for her. I know it makes me sound like a bad person but in a way I am glad her husband cheated on her. Otherwise I wouldn't have had this angel in my life. I mean think about it. If her husband hasn't cheated on her and left her, we would probably never meet and will go by my life like a helpless person trying to cope with loneliness. I am glad it happened. And I am sure she feels that too. Just not the way I do. If I ever encounter her husband I will probably punch him first then hug him and say "Thank you and fuck you, you piece of shite" \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14wsias/updatei_am_glad_that_my_wifes_ex_cheated_on_her/) \- Jul. 11, 2023 **Update-I am glad that my wife's ex cheated on her.** I posted here 2 days ago. People have been asking me to give an update. I am here with an update. Not as good as people thought it would be. So, today she came home from work. She looked really worried. I thought she would be happy because tomorrow is our anniversary. We have plans and usually she is excited and always talks about what she can do. I asked her how her day went. She cried. I was scared. I was scared for us and our baby. She told me she has been keeping a secret from me and she wanted to tell me on our anniversary. I didn't tell her that I already knew. She told me she was pregnant. She has know about this 2 weeks and she is 8 weeks pregnant. She noticed some changes and took a test. She didn't want to tell me early because she was afraid to have a miscarriage. Years ago when she was with her ex husband, she had 2 miscarriages around 6 weeks. She was afraid this will end in miscarriage too so she didn't want to disappoint me. She though if she had a miscarriage only she will know, it will not effect me. But when she reached up to 8 weeks mark she decided to tell me. But she went to the doctor today taking a half day from work. The doctor told her she is still in risk of miscarriage and a complicated pregnancy. That's why she was afraid. She said she cannot keep it a secret. Her plan was ruined because of it and so she is telling me this early. I tried to calm her down. I told her if she stresses about it, it will not be good to either you or the baby. We can only hope for the best. No matter what happens I will be with her throughout this journey. She asked me if I had known about this. I told her yes I did. She smiled and said she figured it out because last few days I have been stroking her belly a lot. We are still planning on the reveal. I might as well act surprised even though it was spoiled by me. Am I tensed? Yes, because a complicated pregnancy means either she survives or the child. But we can hope for the best and both my child and wife will be safe. The doctor said since she is in her mid 30s she is way more prone to stillbirths and other pregnancy related complications. We might get a second opinion on it soon. But for now we are enjoying our years together. \~\~\~ *Marked as concluded for now, since OOP didn't indicate that they planned to update again. Hope everything works out for them!!* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

I am glad that my wife's ex cheated on her.

CONCLUDED

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/152ninw/i_am_glad_that_my_wifes_ex_cheated_on_her/

152nm2o

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/LadySavings](https://www.reddit.com/user/LadySavings/). She posted in r/AITAH. **Trigger Warning:** >!Andrew Tate idiocy!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!a doozy!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x9o69/update_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/)**: July 3, 2023** Husband (33M) and (33f) have been married for 10 years, together since college. Since starting out we have made financial security a priority and have been able to achieve that, albeit with some good luck along the way. We both have good jobs (paying close to 200K each). Student loans were paid off within a few years (both went to state schools with some scholarships so didn't have a lot of debt to begin with), we live in a house I inherited from my grandmother (no mortgage), and don't have any credit card debt. We max out our 401(k)s and currently have 18 months of expenses in our emergency fund and are still adding to it. Our cars are both paid off and should be good for another 5+ years and we don't have any credit card debt. We manage our finances in a hybrid manner - joint accounts for bills and savings, and separate accounts for our "fun" money (we each get a pretty generous monthly allotment). The fun money is strictly for our individual expenses (hobbies, clothes, outings with friends, etc.) and NOT for things like date nights, vacations, or larger joint purchases like household appliances and repairs which come out of our joint account. We also agreed that if either of us gets any bonuses (or has any side hustle income) those will go into our individual fun money accounts, unless the funds are needed for a larger expense such as a major home repair. In terms of the "fun" money, my husband is much more of a spender than I am due to expensive hobbies (in particular golf and collecting sports memorabilia, and he's also more into designer clothes), which is fine - it's his fun money! On the other hand, my hobbies are a lot less expensive (running/working out, reading, baking). In general I'm more introverted and a great time for me is tea with a friend at one of our homes, with homemade pastries. I have also been getting back into gaming lately after setting it aside for much of the past decade while building my career. After realizing I had more than enough in my fun money account, I decided to overhaul my gaming setup and got myself a new PC, desk and gaming chair (total cost of about $5,000). However, upon hearing about the purchase, my husband is furious. He says he had no idea I had saved so much money and that I should have consulted him before spending $5K. I asked what difference it made if it was my own accrued fun money and not our joint funds, and he insisted that my accumulating this amount, without telling him, was a form of financial infidelity. He says he lost trust in me and doesn't know what else I might be hiding. He is demanding that I return the items I purchased and deposit most of the funds to our joint account. He wants to make a new rule that fun money accounts can't accumulate more than $2K and that any excess goes back to the joint account (a rule that would obviously favor him as a person who spends most of his allotment each month instead of saving up for anything bigger). I feel like I am being punished for being more of a day-to-day saver than spender. It wouldn't occur to me to demand to know how much my husband has in his fun money account or to try to micromanage what he spends it on. I wasn't hiding anything deliberately - he never asked about it until after I made the purchases. Still, maybe I should have been more transparent about my plans. So AITAH? Miscellaneous Info: Husband and I each have our own office/hobby room in the house so it's not like the gaming setup was going in a space he uses. I don't usually game when my husband is home unless he's already busy doing something else - my biggest block of gaming time is typically when he's off playing golf. Also, I run 40-50 miles a week so it's not like I am generally sedentary. I can't think of a good reason why he would object to me gaming or having a nice gaming setup in my own space in the house. ***Relevant Comments:*** "I actually had/have a lot more than $5K saved! We have had this arrangement for a few years and I typically only spend about $500 of my allotted $1500/month. Maybe a bit more some months if I need to replace my running shoes, buy other clothes, or have any outings with friends planned like concerts, but in that range." *Girl, what does he actually contribute to your household?* "Although our incomes are about equal, I work shorter hours at home (with occasional in-office days or business travel) and he works long hours in the office, plus an hour of commuting time each way. Perhaps because I'm home all the time, having a very tidy home and fresh-cooked meals is a priority for me! I primarily do those things for me and not for him even though he benefits as well. I'd still have to cook and clean if I were living in the house by myself, unless I wanted to hire someone to do those things (but I don't as I genuinely enjoy cooking and housework). We do have breakfast together most days unless he has to leave early, dinner together most days, and weekend date/activity time in addition to pursuing our own hobbies. He's smart, hilarious and a delightful companion (at least other than this latest issue). I realize I haven't emphasized the positive in this thread (because I've been pretty pissed, ha) but other than this he has been a great partner and husband." *People are confused on how much money they have, so OOP elaborates:* "Together we have joint cash savings of 250K, plus retirement savings approaching the 7-figure mark." *Could he be hiding a debt/gambling addiction?* "I manage all our bank accounts and check them daily and also handle all the bill pay. Nothing suspicious so far! He admits he's not great with money and would spend more without a budget." ***In AITAH there is no overall "vote" indicating if OOP is the asshole, but the majority of the comments indicated NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x9o69/update_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/)**: July 11, 2023 (8 days later)** Here's the TL;DR: Husband and I (33M/33F) are fairly high income earners (about 200K/year each), own our home free and clear, no other debts of any kind - we save close to half of our income and most finances are joint but we allocate $1500/month each (plus any extra income such as from bonuses or side hustles) for "fun money" (for hobbies, luxury goods, outings with our own friends that aren't together, etc.). Husband tends to spend his fun money month to month due to his expensive hobbies (primarily golf) while I tend to save the majority of mine because my interests (such as running and baking) are less expensive. I have been getting back into gaming lately, though, and having saved up more than enough of my fun money, I spent $5K on a new gaming rig and really nice desk and chair. Husband blew a gasket and accused me of "financial infidelity" even though I was operating within what I thought were our agreed-upon rules by spending my own allocated fun money on hobby stuff. Anyway, here is the update: My husband finally calmed down enough to have a conversation with me. As many others who provided comments suggested, it wasn't really about the money, but a window into larger issues in our relationship. Essentially, my husband has been feeling increasingly unhappy with me for a while, for the following reasons: * In general, he feels that he's a lot more committed to his career development than I am to mine. It's true that although we currently have about the same income, the ceiling for his field (finance) is a lot higher than the one for mine (tech/software dev). He's currently in an executive training program and I'm decidedly not. He's feeling resentful that he he's having to work long hours in a high-pressure environment, while I get to work primarily at home doing something that is fun and fairly easy for me and I'm not stretching myself to do more. He's concerned that over time these resentments are going to build, and that I'm not going to end up pulling my weight financially if he takes huge leaps in his career and I don't. * He remarked that, since getting back into gaming a few months ago, I have been putting a bit less effort into cooking (I do nearly all the cooking because I work at home and have an easier schedule). It's true that I have been fixing simpler meals (things like grilled chicken salads, or chili with cornbread) instead of elaborate meals with fussier foods and several sides. He has also noticed that I haven't been doing the elaborate table settings I used to (with flowers on the table, fancy placemats, etc.) - honestly I didn't realize he noticed or cared about this, but apparently he does. Acts of service are one of his main love languages so overall he's feeling a little neglected because of this. * He also feels I'm not putting enough effort into my appearance. Not in terms of weight/body (I'm a long-distance runner and slim) but in terms of things like clothes, hair, etc. It's true that I've never paid much attention to these things - given that I work at home in tech the standard for appearances is extremely low and I far exceed that. I tend to buy simple, practical clothes at places like Target and Walmart, don't wear much makeup and keep my hair in a simple ponytail. I do glam up a lot more for date nights and other dressy occasions, but most days he comes home from work to find me in a T-shirt and yoga pants with no makeup, and he wants me to make more of an effort. The bottom line is that because of all these things, he's starting to notice other women. Says he hasn't cheated, he's just noticing other people because he's regularly disappointed in me. In particular, given that he works in finance there are a good number of very career-oriented, Type-A women who manage to have fantastic bodies, be effortlessly polished and glam, and have more interesting hobbies. He also says he feels horrible about all this because he knows I am a good person and that he's being judgmental - that it's not so much I've changed as that his own goals and expectations have changed in the past couple years. The "financial infidelity" part came into it because he feels I'm not really investing in myself and our relationship - thus cheating on our future, in a sense. He also says he loves me enough to be honest (I do believe he isn't trying to be hurtful, I really had to drag this all this out of him). That he doesn't want us to drift apart further, that he doesn't want to be angry and resentful, and he knows he is asking for a lot. I know that many on this sub might say I should just tell him to take a hike and call my lawyer, but we've been married for 10 years, have invested a lot in the relationship, and I want to see if the marriage can be saved. So, a couple things. First, we did make an appointment with a marriage counselor and start next week. Also, I'm going to try to do at least some of the above. I'm not sure about making myself be more professionally ambitious when I'm already happy with my work-life balance and we're already financially very comfortable, but I can at least try doing the other things (return to spending more time on cooking and decor, and fix myself up a bit when he's on his way home from work) now that I know they are important to him. I also know that in the end, I may feel like I am just tiptoeing around and contorting myself to please him, but it won't cost me much (certainly much less than a divorce!) to try for a month or two and then see how we both feel. And I know I would always regret it if I didn't try. So, maybe not the update that you were expecting or hoping for, but that's where things are. And if folks continue to be interested, I can update further once we have started marriage counseling and once I can feel out how the changes are going. **EDIT:** I need to call it a night but once again thank you to everyone for your responses. They were really eye-opening and helped me to see that I do deserve better than the way I am being treated, and that the expectations my husband is laying out for me are unfair and unrealistic, especially as he isn't doing anything at all to make it easier for me to meet them or to show me he appreciates my efforts and everything I do bring to the table. I am indeed conditioned to be very people-pleasing and that is impacting what I think is reasonable here. I have a lot to think about, such as - what do I \*really\* want here? What is going to make me happy, especially if I have to keep making myself smaller (metaphorically speaking) and contorting myself to please my husband? Do I really want to be in a marriage under those conditions? I think I'm really selling myself short if I just agree to most of what he demands. Still going to go to the marriage counseling appointment but I think I will wait to make any other changes until we can at least get some professional input. Additional Edit: To clarify, my typical at-home attire/look that he has been complaining about looks something like this: [https://www.target.com/p/women-s-seamless-baby-t-shirt-joylab/-/A-87399931?preselect=87390237#lnk=sametab](https://www.target.com/p/women-s-seamless-baby-t-shirt-joylab/-/A-87399931?preselect=87390237#lnk=sametab) (This is NOT me but a similar look - fitted short-sleeved shirt, yoga pants, hair in a ponytail. Something that looks casual but neat. I am NOT wearing sloppy, baggy, sweatpants and oversized T-shirts!) ***Relevant Comments:*** *Many of OOP's comments (before her edit) are her explaining why she will do what her husband has 'requested.' Here is an example:* "Thanks! The things I am willing to do at the moment won't take very much in terms of time, and if they genuinely make him feel more appreciated and cared for they will absolutely be worth it. I want to show my husband that I am hearing him and taking his concerns and feelings seriously enough to at least \*try\* to make an effort in what he asked. If it doesn't work it doesn't and we can still separate a couple or few months down the road, but I would definitely regret not even trying." *More in depth of their relationship/what she does/what he feels (apparently):* "To answer your questions, yes, we each currently make about $200K, so $400K between the two of us. And yes, his concern is that he's going to get promoted to a much higher salary executive position (he's currently being mentored/trained for such a position, which will pay $500K+, and is due to be promoted in the next couple years if all goes well with the mentoring program) and I'll fall behind in earnings. Granted, we don't need the money for anything as we don't have debt of any kind, don't have and aren't planning on having kids, and already have close to $1 million in retirement savings with 30+ years left to work. But he's feeling like I'm going to be somehow riding his coattails? Taking advantage of him? Coasting while he just works harder and harder with longer and longer hours? All of the above I suppose. In terms of meals, yes, I do all the prep, cooking, tablesetting, and cleanup. I do actually really enjoy it and part of it is self-care for me, not just taking care of him. After all, I get to eat the food too! And as I work at home I usually make enough that I can have food for lunch the next day too. I know this doesn't seem fair and that others probably think he should contribute more - but it really doesn't bother me at all, as long as he does enjoy and appreciate it. In terms of work, I'm usually done by 5-6 pm and these days he doesn't get home until about 9 pm. So I wouldn't have to wear makeup and dressy clothes for work, I could just quickly change and fix my hair and makeup when he's on his way home. I don't think the clothes necessarily need to be designer - I can buy blouses/skirts and dresses at Target just as well as t-shirts and yoga pants. Or shop thrift stores or department store sales. I do agree that the women he is comparing me to probably don't wear fancy clothes and makeup at home! He's just seeing them in professional settings that require formal business dress. Anyway, I appreciate you saying I haven't done anything wrong here." *There is a difference between a preference and a boundary:* "It's true that he did use the word "boundary" in our conversation where he revealed his unhappiness with me. (As in, "I have realized it's a boundary for me to be able to come home to a nicely-dressed wife who has prepared a thoughtful meal.") And yes, I do realize that completely misuses the word "boundary."" **Again, I am NOT the Original Poster. Please do not comment on the Original Posts as it is considered brigading.** **EDIT: NEW UPDATE AS OF 2 HOURS AGO!** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1530ql7/further_update_husband_accused_me_of_financial/)**: July 18, 2023** Hi All...so I have an additional (and probably not very surprising) update to my saga. First post was here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pynpt/aitah\_husband\_accused\_me\_of\_financial\_infidelity/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pynpt/aitah_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/) (husband was furious that I spent $5K on a gaming computer, desk and chair even though we are high income earners in a great financial position and I used my own allotment of "fun money" within our established rules) Second post was here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x9o69/update\_husband\_accused\_me\_of\_financial\_infidelity/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x9o69/update_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/) (husband told me he was actually upset that he feels I'm not professionally ambitious enough because I'm not on the "executive" track like he is, and that (despite my working full-time) he wanted me to cook fancier meals, set the table in a more elegant way, and dress up more for dinner - yes, like a 1950s housewife) So, the more I thought about it, the more his requests - demands, really - were sitting poorly with me. I decided to try a little experiment over the weekend to see what would happen if I tried to meet some of his demands. NOT because I actually thought they were reasonable, but because I increasingly had the sense that the goalposts would just keep moving and that I was playing a losing game. So, Saturday morning, I went to the salon for a glow-up (haircut, fresh highlights, mani/pedi) then went to the farmer's market to pick up fresh flowers for our table and assorted other gourmet ingredients. Saturday is usually our date night out but I suggested we stay in so I could make us a special dinner, steakhouse style (lobster bisque, bread basket with several types of rolls/savory muffins made from scratch, crab-stuffed mushrooms, filet mignon, au gratin potatoes, white chocolate mousse topped with raspberries). I wore a lavender (his favorite color on me) sheath dress and high heels and fully done hair and makeup. For all that I got a lukewarm "thanks, it was tasty" and a kiss on the cheek. Of course I did all the serving and cleanup. Sunday we usually go out but he suggested I make us brunch at home. So I made French-press coffee, mimosas with fresh-squeezed orange juice, Belgian waffles with a bananas Foster topping, eggs scrambled with parmesan and fresh herbs from our garden, roasted fingerling potatoes, and maple-glazed bacon. I wore a blue sleeveless sundress, wedge sandals, again did my hair and makeup. Again I got a "thanks, it's good" and no help with serving or cleanup. Afterwards I asked if this is what he had in mind when he critiqued me before. He said that it was a start, but that I was "acting very entitled for wanting credit for basic adulting." He then dropped a bomb that he was being so hard on me because he had realized lately I had a lot to make up for due to my being a "low-value woman." I asked what on earth he meant by that and he said it was because I wasn't a virgin when we met. WHAT?!?! Keep in mind we started dating at 21, neither of us claimed to be virgins or stated that as an expectation. Except for very religious people (neither of us is) I don't think most 21-year-old college students are virgins. I was upfront with him then that I'd had two previous partners, my high school boyfriend (we went our separate ways when we went to different colleges in different parts of the country) and another boyfriend I'd had my first year of college. And that's it, both committed relationships and nothing casual. He then went on to say that because of my low value, I was going to need to be making it up to him for the rest of my life. That I didn't deserve monogamy or equal treatment and that I was lucky that anyone at all wanted to marry me. And - that he's "connected" with someone from work so if I wanted to keep him I'd better step up. I told him it didn't sound like there was anything to keep if he no longer loved me (or even liked or respected me). Told him to leave and he said he would gladly go to his girlfriend's place. I know SO many people here insisted he was having an affair and I just didn't want to see it, that his "complaints" were really all part of a campaign to distance himself from me. I feel SO foolish for just thinking he was going through a stressful time at work or that he genuinely wanted to work on our marriage. Anyway I have taken the week off from work to get my head together. Have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. Canceled the marriage counseling appointment but got a referral to an individual therapist who can do an intake session with me later in the week. He (and the girlfriend apparently) are coming this evening to get more of his clothes and things so I have to brace myself for that. Also, please be assured I do NOT think I am low-value in any way. I let my husband make me think less of myself on some levels for a short time but now I truly see it was a "him" problem. Obviously we don't share the same goals and values and he has become someone I don't recognize. I know the divorce won't be fun or easy, but I will be okay. Thank you all for helping me see that I was being played before I wasted too much more time in a marriage that was already over. ***Relevant Comments:*** *One last gem from the 'husband':* Yes, it seems like he fell down a toxic masculinity hole at some point fairly recently. Retroactively punishing me for not being a virgin at the outset, after a 12-year relationship including 10 years of marriage, is just completely over the top. I even said, "So this person you connected with at work, is actually a virgin?" "Well, she WAS," he said, with a smirk. (So, virgin or not, someone who would sleep with a married colleague is higher-value than me? Unless he lied about his marital status/situation which I wouldn't put past him.) "Yes, he admitted he has been having an affair for several months. He kept trying to say that "it doesn't really count as cheating" because I'm low-value so the standards are different."

AITAH? Husband accused me of "financial infidelity"

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/152nm2o/aitah_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/

152nmdr

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/ThrowawayPinkBoots. She posted in r/amiwrong. **Trigger Warnings:** >!pregnancy complications; golden-child/scape-goat dynamics; mentions of grooming!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!goes in an upsetting direction, but hopefully OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/14rmaf8/aiw_for_not_letting_my_sister_be_at_my_birth/)**: July 5, 2023** Ok so the key players in this story are Me F27, my husband Kerim 40, my little sister Tasha 13 & my mom 58. For context my mom and dad had Tasha as a last resort to fix their failing marriage. I’m nearly 9 months pregnant, like legit 3 weeks out and my husband is a second generation immigrant. We werent trying but we’re excited when we found out about the baby, we waiting until we were out of the first trimester and told everyone after that. Kerim’s family are super excited and can’t wait to bring the baby to their home country. My mom was happy when we told her but made some grumbling remarks about being to young to be a grandma. I presumed she was joking. My dad we told separately, he gets on great with my husband and he said he would help Kerim and I with anything baby related. At first Tasha was excited talking about how shes the youngest auntie and it was cute. She is spoiled, I don’t want to call her a brat, but she can get an attitude when things don’t happen how she wants. But then once we told everyone we were having a girl she went quiet. We didn’t do a big announcement just told people when we saw them, we both have busy jobs and I kept working until recently. Luckily I can work remotely if needed. My dad was excited to be a girl grandad, in some ways I’ve been closer with him after the divorce, my mom put all her effort into Tasha and making sure she was ok as she was the youngest, she s a bit of a golden child for my mom. Kerim’s family got him a T-shirt that has a joke about being a girl dad on it, I’ve always said he gives off girl dad energy so it’s funny. When I got big, around the 5 month mark I was really ill. I had hyperemesis gravidarum and was admitted to hospital, I have a heart condition so there was always a worry about side effects during the pregnancy. Tasha refused to visit me in hospital meaning my mom didn’t come either but I understood why a 13 y.o. might not want to come to a hospital. However she has become so standoffish and rude to myself and my husband. Scoffing when we talk about baby girl, joking how emotional I was, saying more trouble than it’s worth with my heart, she said we stole her favourite name when we announced it as Adley, she’s never said that name before. She also joked about how fat I had gotten, Kerim had enough and told her to grow up but my mom defended Tasha saying she’s probably just a bit jealous about no longer being the youngest in the family anymore. I tried to talk and ask her what’s wrong but she got an attitude again and told me I made everything about my baby and myself. We were discussing my birthing plan on a family FaceTime and how I have to have a planned c-section to reduce the stress on my heart. I’m a bit nervous but I’ve had surgery before I was trying to get my dad to calm Kerim down and asked if he’d be in the waiting room. He was really happy and asked if he could bring his ‘good friend’. We all know she’s his girlfriend but they won’t admit it! He thinks he’s too old for that. She’s been sweet and knitted some baby blankets so we agreed to her visiting after the birth. I got a call from my mom and Tasha who were really angry I hadn’t invited them to the birth or told them I had to have planned c-section. I told them Tasha had complained about me only speaking about the baby and my mom told me to not be so flippant. Tasha was rolling her eyes when mom asked about the surgery, and I know she’s 13 but something about it seems so calculated from her. My mom asked to be there and I said she could be in the waiting room if she would be nice too dad. Tasha started talking about how long it would take, but I informed her she was only invited to visit after Adley had been born. Now her and mom are blowing up saying I’m cruel for letting a random friend of dads visit but not letting y little sister be there for her nieces birth. I’m sad as I hoped the pregnancy would bring my mom and I closer but alas. **Edit:** I just remembered something else that happened. Tasha walked into our garden one afternoon without any notice to tell us, and saw us making out on the swing chair. Nothing scandalous but my hormones have been all over the place ;). She made a comment like ‘no wonder your pregnant if that’s all that you do’. She’s also been perfectly nice to Kerim throughout the pregnancy…it’s just me she has the attitude with. **EDIT 2: July 6, 2023 (Next Day)** as some people can’t seem to understand I’ll reiterate, I’ve tried connecting to Tasha, I’ve tried communicating and comforting her, I’ve tried getting her excited about being an auntie. She’s made cruel comments about my weight (I used to have an ED), how I’m an attention seeker to get pregnant, she’s literally slammed a door in me causing my to hurt myself, she’s been all over my husband but ignoring me to my face and she’s made a comment about me not keeping my legs shut. This isn’t about her being confused, she knows what child birth and pregnancy is. She also banned our mom from visiting me when I was rushed to hospital and had complained about me talking about the baby so I didn’t include her in the conversation about the birth. She’s not angry because I’m trying to keep her away from the baby, she’s angry because I’m pregnant and she will no longer be the youngest girl. I’d like to add that the family dynamic was pretty good until I got pregnant. She was mom’s favourite but dad doesn’t do favourites. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Is your dad around? Did he walk out?* "Dad is still very active in tashas life he just doesn’t spoil her constantly like mom" "Where do you know that he walked out?? I’ve said my mom asked for the divorce not him. So no he didn’t." *People take issue with OOP's description of Tasha being born to save her parents' marriage, and say she obviously doesn't care about or spend enough time with Tasha:* "I’m not passive aggressive towards her. I was simply saying that’s why my parents had her later on in life to explain our age difference. I’ve always tried to help Tasha even though our differents ages. We’ve invited her to our house for weekends and so on. But I have to protect myself and my baby and I don’t understand why she’s acting so hostile towards me and not my husband." "Ok I’m sorry how has she tried to clearing communicate with me? She’s blocked my number and runs away from me when I try to talk to her. She complained saying all I talk about is the baby so I thought I wouldn’t go into detail about the birth plan if she want interested and tried to encourage us to spend time together before the birth. I got nothing in return. She’s physically pushed me and banned my mom from visiting me in hospital when I was sick. I said dads friend could visit, not stay as she has given us some stuff for the baby. Mom hadn’t been involved with me or the baby because of Tasha which is fine but why would they then want to be at the birth?" *People encourage her to sympathize with her sister more:* "It’s hard to sympathise with her when she’s being so cruel to me. She knew the comment about me being fat would hurt, I’ve struggled with an eating disorder. Also it was my dads family FaceTime and the divorce was bitter on my moms side. My dad is a great dad to Tasha and they have a good father daughter relationship but her and my mom are besties. She’s the golden child. As I was grown up ish when the divorce happened mom didn’t really worry how it would make me feel. So she put her efforts into Tasha. I understand that’s because she’s younger but I had hoped me becoming a mom would make her want to do more things with me, maybe teach me how to be a mom." "Tasha isn’t being treated like an adult but she’s not a toddler. She’s physically hurt me and insulted me. As a mom I have to protect my infant baby not my teenage sister. Also she’s the one making the competition, not letting our mom visit me and refusing to even talk to me so I can reassure her." *Is Tasha still dealing with the divorce?* "Not really. She lives with mom but she sees dad very regularly. We’ve offered therapy but she said she doesn’t need it, she’s not ‘crazy’ unlike some people. I had an ED when I was her age so I believe she’s referring to me going to therapy then and still now" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/14tp4sw/aiw_for_not_letting_my_sister_be_at_my_birth/)**: July 7, 2023 (2 days from OG Post)** I want to address the comments saying I’m a bad sister, I hate Tasha, I need to reassure and comfort her and show her sympathy. We had a normal sister relationship until I announced my baby was a girl, then she got an attitude change, but only with me. I’ve been trying to reach out and ask her reasons for being so horrible to me, calling me names and saying things about my baby but she ignores me and won’t talk to me. So I don’t know what else I’m expected to do. I appreciate being a 13 y.o girl is hard, I was one once, but I didn’t act like this. It’s not my place to have to parent Tasha when she has two parents, a mom that spoils her and when I’m about to have my own baby. My pregnancy has been hard and risky and there is still a chance my daughter could be born with my heart defect. This and all of the stress caused by my mom and Tasha has meant I’ve not been able to enjoy my pregnancy. I had hoped it would make our mom want to be involved with me more but unfortunately Tasha has done everything she can to ensure my mom has not been involved or helpful. Whilst my husband is patient and polite he doesn’t like the way they are treating me and he certainly doesn’t like the pressure it has put on me. Tasha and mom turned up unannounced to our house today wanting another explanation as to why they couldn’t be at the hospital. I again said as long as mom was civil to dad she could be in the waiting room but Tasha would have to visit after I’ve rested and made sure baby girl is ok. I said she had moaned for all of my pregnancy that it’s all I ever talk about so surely she had know reasons to want to be there. She got angry and threw a mug at the wall saying she wanted to be there as that’s where everyone else would be and she shouldn’t have to be on her own and bored. I told her it was not a fun day out, I would be having major surgery and people want to meet my daughter. She screamed saying I’m an attention whore for not giving birth the normal way and demanded our mom that they go home. So they left as quickly as they had arrived. I don’t what my mom plans on doing but yeah 🤷🏼‍♀️ **EDIT: July 9, 2023 (2 days later)** well those of you who said to not tell anyone when I gave birth were right in a way. Woke up to cramps and blood tinged water in our bed, so Kerim rushed me to the hospital where my OB said I was in early labour caused by all of the stress most likely. There was too much pressure on my heart and it was causing the baby to be in distress so they put me under and gave me an emergency c-section. I woke up this morning to my husband holding our beautiful daughter in his arms. She perfect, with a healthy heart and a good pair of lungs. She’s so beautiful and I didn’t know I could love something so much. She’s such a good girl and we’ve spent the morning together as a family. We will be inviting my dad to the hospital tomorrow. Thank you for the help and wishes and sorry I could respond to many but it’s been very chaotic. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/14vuj8i/aiw_for_not_letting_my_sister_be_at_my_birth/) **2: July 10, 2023 (Next day, or 5 days from OG post)** Hi guys I’m just really fucking confused right now but thank you all for following my story and giving me advice. Rest assured we won’t be leaving Adley alone with Tasha. If you want context my first two posts are on my profile. Basically after giving birth yesterday I have to stay in for a week as it was an emergency surgery. As we had rushed to the hospital we didn’t have all the things I will need so Kerim went home to pack a bag of my things for me. He stopped off at my dads and apparently Tasha was with him. Kerim was polite and dad was asking lots of questions about Adley and I. He left the room to get the presents he and his girlfriend had gotten for us and Kerim was left with Tasha. Apparently she was all over him but not asking any questions about myself or Adley. Kerim said she threw herself at him and tried to kiss him but he swerved and got up abruptly telling my dad that they needed to do something with Tasha as she was out of control. He told me what happened as soon as he got back to the hospital. He’s really worried that people (my mother) will make him out to be a bad person. I think my dad has cameras in his house so I’m going to ask him if there are any in the hallway. EDIT: Tasha has text me. Safe to say she’s not being abused and no my mother doesn’t have any male friends in the house. Tasha sent me a text saying she was sorry for trying to kiss Kerim but I’ve stolen everyone’s attention and apparently even our mother was asking about me yesterday (she sometimes literally refers to our mother as her mother). She then said I had to make it all about me by having Adley early and she wanted someone to pay attention to her and felt like Kerim hadn’t spent enough time with her recently. He’s been kind to Tasha in the past, we’ve had her at our house and taken her on trips but he’s obviously been busy making sure me and the baby have been ok during the pregnancy. **EDIT 2: July 11, 2023 (Next Day)** thanks for the support guys. I developed a blood clot last night so I was rushed into another surgery to deal with that and Kerim called my dads GF to stay with him as he was nervous and my dad was with Tasha. She helped keep him calm by all accounts and showed him how to bathe Adley which I’m very thankful for. She also baked me my favourite cake for when I woke up this morning. It was so fucking good 😭 anyways Kerim is fuming with my mother and Tasha and how they’ve ruined this experience for us and he wants to send my mother my hospital bill as I wouldn’t have needed the emergency surgeries without the stress. We’re going to take a trip once I’m released from the hospital to the countryside and get some distance between us and them. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Your sister is one phone call away from ruining your husband's life. Make sure you have documented what she says.* "We have the footage and mom made her ring Kerim to apologize tonight" *OOP ponders more:* "Honestly I feel like I’ve been blind to her showing her crush on Kerim. It never crossed my mind but if I look back I can remember her saying things or doing things that weren’t out of love for an uncle." "Thank you. Honestly he feels really bad about it and has promised he’s never done anything to give that impression which I 100% know. If I thought she had been groomed I’d be out of my hospital bed and in her room right now. We’ve tried putting her in therapy but she refuses saying she isn’t weak and doesn’t need it like me" **One more Small Update after this post:** AIW for not letting my sister be at my birth? (Final update) Hi guys. I’ve just been busy soaking up all of the baby happiness. I’m doing well thank you all for your well wishes and to the moms giving advice on how to recover from c sections. Adley is such a sweet little girl, she’s quite and so well behaved and looks the most adorable in her little Taylor Swift cardigan that my dads ‘friend’ knit her (she was played all of the albums in utero). We’ve sent mom the hospital bill, I’m not actually sure whether I’ll go through with making her pay as we have better salaries than she does but a little part of me would love to see her face right now. She’s sent me some annoyed texts about it but I’ve told her that perhaps Tasha’s allowance and clothes/beauty spending should be reduced to help. But we will see.

Am I wrong for not letting my sister be at my birth?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/152nmdr/am_i_wrong_for_not_letting_my_sister_be_at_my/

152yhs2

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/diamondeyes7 on r/EntitledPeople This is a new update to a [BORU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12kw0me/entitled_teammate_blows_off_meetings/) I made three months ago. TL;DR: OOP has a coworker that is always late to meetings, frequently missing meetings altogether. Some of the clients/vendors have noticed she's not there for meetings. It's been 2 years and although the boss has talked to the coworker, nothing has changed. OOP asks their other coworker who is also annoyed by the entitled coworker. OOP asks their boss if they can start meetings on time in their 1-on-1 weekly meeting and mentions what vendors/ clients are noticing about entitled coworker. [Update 2: I don't know what to do about an entitled teammate would continuously blows off meetings](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/12tg7zo/update_2_i_dont_know_what_to_do_about_an_entitled/) April 4, 2023 This past Tuesday we had our weekly team meeting (that includes entitled teammate, another teammate, our manager and me, all US-based, along with a 2 people based in India). Monday evening our boss emailed all of us and said he couldn't make it and that the rest of us should still meet. Of course...she didn't show. But this time, I emailed my boss afterwards and told her \[entitled teammate\] wasn't in attendance, but we were able to get through the stuff the rest of us handle. He replied, "thanks for the head up". Today we had one of our external vendor (secondary priority) meetings that's only 1x/month. I was *seriously* all prepared to tell the vendor to email my boss and my boss's boss for his concerns and the next steps, but my boss ended up joining and \[entitled teammate\] was actually the first one on the call. lol. During this call the vendor actually asked about something technical, and.......\[entitled teammate\] immediately chats my other teammate and I together (on Slack) asking about it, when it's something she's already been trained on. I told her to \[check in the platform\] if she had questions. About an hour later we had other external vendor (first priority) meeting that's 1x/week. Our vendor actually mentioned in passing during the meeting the fact that he had to meet separately with \[entitled teammate\] yesterday, in order to set up something in the platform. It wasn't mean or accusatory, but I found it interesting he brought it up. Meanwhile, my other teammate and I were able to set up the same thing on our own, being able to coordinate via email or during our meetings. This is something that \[entitled teammate\] should absolutely be able to do on her own at her level...but it's just so obvious she doesn't have the skillset she needs to. So I thought about it, and I literally just sent an email to my boss. I took a screenshot of the chat message I mentioned above and put it in the email. I told my boss that \[entitled teammate\] is actually already familiar with that technical piece, because she was trained on years ago and it's something that we still currently implement, and that I'm not sure where the training gaps or disconnect are from. I also said I don't have the bandwidth to re-train her so it might be helpful for him to go over it with her. So that's where I'm at. I'm expecting my boss to be annoyed with me (since I emailed him twice about it this week), but he needs to be aware of the extent of her needing constant hand-holding. I was debating about sending him the email just now, but I'm expecting more of her questions directed at our other teammate and me, so I want to keep him in the loop on these things. I've never sent an email like that, and I did feel sneaky about writing it. But for over 2 years this woman has never been held accountable, skips out on meetings and needs constant guidance, all while being extremely entitled. [Update 3: I don't know what to do about an entitled teammate would continuously blows off meetings -- I got laid off this morning](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/138s4kz/update_3_i_dont_know_what_to_do_about_an_entitled/) May 15, 2023 I was laid off this morning. I was told my role was eliminated due to layoffs. \[Entitled coworker\] actually reached out to me on LinkedIn expressing they just told the team and that I could use her as a reference 💀 Right now I actually feel relieved, which will turn into stress lol. I'm glad I don't have to deal with her and my boss again. Just a lesson you can do everything right at your job and get let go. Comment: >Sometimes, the squeaky wheel is gotten rid of. >Companies will often keep bad employees because good employees who call out bad employees make them look worse. After reading your posts, I’m afraid that is what happened to you. >My advice in these situations is usually to not vent to management or to call them out. Simply collecting evidence and doing your job to the best of your ability is the better option. That way when the other employee blames you, you have ample proof that you were not the issue. >The idea is to give them all the rope so that they can hang themselves. Trying to correct their behavior will give them warning that you are watching them. Another Commenter thinks something shady is going on: >Your ex-teammate is fucking your ex-boss. >Come on it's obvious. OOP replies: >>Something hinky was going on...our boss started about a year ago, but she acted the same way with our previous boss. Looking back, it's a bit strange. I thought our previous boss was conflict avoidant, now I actually wonder if something with her was involved with someone higher up in the company? My previous boss was well aware of her careless mistakes, a few times he had asked me to double check the account she was on. Back when he was the manager, she would also skip meetings and make costly mistakes, but also didn't seem to be held accountable then? >>She actually started later than me a few years ago, and I think upper management from when she started no longer is at the company, but something ain't clean. Marked as new update, but it also seems to be concluded. OOP has since posted about possibly moving to a different state, but hasn't posted about a new job other than mentioning she might be working remote for a company out of California. Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not go to the original post and comment on it.

[New Update] Entitled Teammate Blows off Meetings

NEW UPDATE

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/152yhs2/new_update_entitled_teammate_blows_off_meetings/

1531eou

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwaway2007_ **My boss basically told me to "suck it up, get demoted, or quit but if you quit, give us 6 months notice so we can replace you"** **Originally posted to** r/antiwork [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/135e8d0/my_boss_basically_told_me_to_suck_it_up_get/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **May 2, 2023** In the industry I work in, I was tossed into a position where I was going to be "wearing a lot of hats." My boss has been relentless ever since he put me into a new role just 2 months after I was hired for a different one. It took him 8 months to provide me with a job description for this new role. This role was intended for him originally but he said he needed someone else to take it on because he was already slammed. There was no structure at all and he had no plans for it. He would leave out information or not include me in key meetings with executives or donors. If he made a mistake, he would say it was me that did it. If a plan he had failed, it was my fault. He made sure to make everyone believe that I was dramatic. Fast forward a year later and I am very overwhelmed. Im given impossible deadlines and workloads that have started to affect my mental health. My boss will ask me to do stuff out of work hours or to work overtime to prove that I am giving my all. I decline these things because to me, I work my 40 hours and that is it. After many people urged me to talk with my boss about the burn out Im feeling and him sending messages to my team asking us to approach him if we feel burn out, I did it. His response was to put down my entire team and that we are "unmotivated" and that I need to decide whether I can work harder because if not, I should find a different career or calling in life. He tried to paint it as him guiding me to "help." He told me that I am working above my paygrade and that I should either accept a demotion, suck it up and try harder, or give him a 6 month notice that I am quitting. He brought up how I might have something psychologically or mentally wrong with me and that I need to figure out what I want in life. Little does he know, the former college I used to lecture at has invited me to apply to a new position on the campus that pays almost more than double than my job pays me now and it comes with many more benefits. I would also be working with people I loved working with before. I would be apart of a union. I am praying and hoping that I get this new position so I can give him a one day notice about my departure. [Update 1 - My boss is having me write an essay with details of my minute by minute workday to prove I'm working hard.](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/138poc7/my_boss_is_having_me_write_an_essay_with_details/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **May 5, 2023** If you saw my last post on this subreddit, you know my boss is an asshat. He recently started to question my workload and the workload of my coworkers because we are all stressed and burnt out. He tried framing this assignment as him trying to help us to see if he can help us better time manage things, but we've gone to him with requests and feeback before and keep getting told "You just have to work harder, that's what I do." I had to block off my entire calendar to do this task today but I am going to write the most obnoxious and highly detailed essay just to piss him off. In grad school, I was notorious for overwriting and taking my time to "get to the point." Who knew that fun little skill would come in handy today. To answer the two popular questions: 1. No, I can't quit on the spot because I can't afford it. 2. Yes, I am looking for other jobs/actively applying. Edit: Thank you everyone for the suggestions :) I wrote the essay using parts of Chat GPT and it came out to 8 pages long single spaced. I would share snippets of it but it does have identifying details about my clients and work place. If my boss has a reaction to this, I will share it to the subreddit! [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/14gqzpv/update_my_boss_is_having_me_write_an_essay_with/) **June 23, 2023** Many people asked me if I could give an update on this situation at work. The essay, which turned out to be 8 pages long, did not help me at all. If anything, it ignited a fire of retaliation on his end (which was my full intention). My boss, being the narcissist that he is, came to the conclusion that although I provided all the deliverables and met all the expectations we set out... I am just not "living up to his standards" and he would like to conduct a performance review with me. He will also be having me do a performance improvement plan. I questioned him heavily in our last meeting about the necessity of a performance review if I am performing to the expectations set out. He tried to claim that there was something serious that needs to be addressed and he needs HR and the Executive Director involved. He tried to say he was going to be giving me "constructive criticism" but his constructive criticism consists of creating elaborate lies about my work ethic. He tries to cover up his mistakes, terrible memory, and lack of organization by blaming his staff. In my last performance review, he told HR and the ED that I never finish my work and that I make mistakes... that was the first time I had ever heard about that. Our project management system captures everything and it shows that I am on track, no late tasks, and complete all work given to me. I will be quitting before he tries to conduct this performance review. I have been interviewing at other places with better pay and benefits. My entire organization is falling apart and four people have quit within a month (we are a staff of less than 40). I am jumping ship at the perfect moment! EDIT: Thank you all for your support and suggestions! To answer the most popular questions: 1. I am going to quit on the spot within the next two weeks, I am not sticking around to be gaslighted any longer. 2. The essay was already written with the assistance of Chat GPT. 3. Yes, I've been applying and interviewing at other places :) 4. HR, the Executive Director, and the CEO at my nonprofit organization do not care about their employees. They have a high turnover rate for a reason and they retaliate against any staff that brings up concerns. They won't fire you but they will make your life a living hell until you quit. FINAL EDIT: I hear some of your concerns about the hostile work environment and will be contacting the Department of Labor. I also wanted to address all the folks in the comments who are assuming that I am being irresponsible by quitting. I have other options lined up, I'm waiting for responses. I will NOT be staying at this job and waiting to get fired. I have been hospitalized from the stress that my work has been putting on my heart condition, this will not end well if I stay. I am in my mid 20's, an athlete, and hold a graduate degree. I shouldn't stay to prove a point, I should go where I'm valued! ##**OOP ADDED AN UPDATE POST AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED** * [Final update](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/155dtad/final_update_my_boss_is_having_me_write_an_essay/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 21, 2023** Since I had so many people in my message requests and comments the last couple of days begging for an update from this post, I thought I would jump on here and close this little journey of mine out. **To make it VERY clear, I am leaving this job soon (Interviewing with a couple of different universities right now) and I work at a non-profit that is very disorganized. There is no way I am sticking around to get fired to prove a point, there is no severance pay in this org.** I tried to take some of your comments and my family's advice by going to HR to bring up the issues that have been occurring with my boss in terms of him lying about my work ethic, micromanaging me, and alluding to firing me. HR did not care at all and tried to tell me that she cannot document my complaint even though I have a paper trail because it is "He said, she said and then there is the actual truth." Also fun fact, she kept calling me by the wrong name AND said "I don't even know what you do here." During my next meeting with my boss, I was brutally honest with him about his poor management style (obviously in a professional way). He tried to not make it obvious that HR came to him and told him everything because he said "Concerned coworkers have come forward to tell me some things you have been saying." But none of my coworkers know the extent of the issues and only HR knew the specific details he ended up bringing up. He gaslighted me the entire time saying "I never said this, you misinterpret me and by the way, I document every single thing we talk about so you must be confused." I shut him down with only facts and just stared at him while he tried to rewrite the reality of everything. He kept begging me to say anything that could make him he could feel better (LOL). He ended the conversation by admitting that we are having a performance review and putting together a PIP not because of my actual performance but because I "misinterpret" everything (I'm assuming he means the long minute-by-minute essay). I can promise you all... I do not misinterpret anything, especially with my message screenshots with him, the voice recordings I have taken of him, and our project management system exchanges. I do not care anymore, my ED does not care, and nor does my CEO. Our Board of Directors is basically non-existent so there is no one else I can go to for help. All of the jobs I have been interviewing for are 15k-20k differences in the pay I receive now and the benefits are AMAZING. I will not fight to stay at a place that only gives 3 days of sick pay, 6 days of PTO, and 4 paid holidays off. I have learned from this experience that you should never never NEVER back down from your truth even if it means writing an 8-page overtly detailed essay about my work tasks to prove a point. Thank you all for your support! :) **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boss basically told me to "suck it up, get demoted, or quit but if you quit, give us 6 months notice so we can replace you

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1531eou/my_boss_basically_told_me_to_suck_it_up_get/

1533h9n

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Sea-Comfortable121 **in** r/offmychest *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* mood spoilers: >!Shock, Confusion, Hurt, Depression, Grateful!< &#x200B; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14umvop/im_pregnant_as_a_virgin_and_my_boyfriend_thinks_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sun, July 09, 2023 Yeah, pretty much exactly what the title says. I (16F) am a virgin, so is my boyfriend (16M). We're both young, and neither of us are ready for sex. Personally, it's never been high on my radar, and from what he's told me, he's the same way. That being said, we've been together for a couple of years now, so things have still happened. I'd rather not go into detail on that, but you can get the picture. Think third base, I guess. Anyways, a couple of days ago, I went to the doctor because I've been feeling really sick lately. I did a urine test and a finger prick, and my doctor told me I was pregnant. Of course, I laughed at first because I thought she was joking, but no, I'm really pregnant. I kinda fell silent. She started talking about things like ultrasounds, prenatal vitamins, etc., but I cut her off and told her that wasn't possible because I've never had sex, therefore have never conceived. She explained to me that very, very few women can get pregnant by 'outercourse,' but it's still possible due to vaginal anatomy or something. I was (and still am) in complete and utter shock, so I kinda just left without any further explanation. (I had driven myself because both of my parents work.) I went straight to my boyfriend's house, and he was the first person I told. I hadn't even texted or called in advance because I was crying, completely distraught. I don't know why, but it didn't even cross my mind that he would think I cheated. I would never do something like that. I explained everything to him about how we'd never technically had sex, but we got really close, and stuff can happen. He seemed pretty lost until I eventually told him I was pregnant... which is when he (rightfully) got pissed at me because how the f\*ck does that even happen without us having had sex? I tried so hard to explain myself and assure him that I'd never do that, ever. I told him I'd take a DNA test or something to prove that, but he didn't believe a word and made me go home. The last thing he told me was, "I really trusted you." He looked like he was about to cry. Now I'm blocked on everything, so I can't text or call explaining myself. I'll respect his decision if he wants to break up, but I need him to know I was never with anyone else. It's been killing me, knowing how hurt he must feel. Luckily, he hasn't told anyone that I'm pregnant because I haven't even told my own parents yet, but he has told people that I 'cheated' on him, and now I'm losing friends and everything's gone to shit. This was already the worst, lowest point of my life, and it seems to be getting worse. I've basically locked myself in my room. I feel so depressed. I just need him to know.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14x55me/update_im_pregnant_as_a_virgin_and_my_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, July 11, 2023 I don't use Reddit much, so I'm not sure if I was supposed to make this into a separate post or just edit the original, but you can find the OG on my account. Hi guys!! I'm SO sorry it took a couple of days to update. Things have been moving wildly slow, and I didn't want to create a whole post for each small thing I had to update. So much has happened. First off, I just want to specify a couple of things, misconceptions as well as some key aspects I didn't do a good enough job explaining: No, my boyfriend didn't yell at me or call me names. He was angry, you could tell, but it was an extremely short conversation, and he was primarily silent. That's the type of person he is. Though we've had very few arguments, he usually goes quiet when he's mad. I'm not saying it was the right way to act at all, but it was understandable in my opinion, as the possibility of this happening was entirely new and confusing to both of us. He also never spread 'rumors' about me, as some people were saying. I want to make that clear!! He told his best friend, who told another one of their close friends, and you know how that works. Toxic gossip train. A few of our mutual friends, who are generally closer to him/knew him first, stopped talking to me. Again, that hurts a lot. I'm not saying it doesn't, but I know that if I thought someone had cheated on my friend, I would drop ties with them INSTANTLY. I understand things like this seem a lot worse to adults who maybe forget what it's like to be young and immature because I mean, we're sixteen, and that's what we are. I think people also forget that I was making this post very shortly after all of this had happened. He came to my house the morning after I made the post and apologized, explaining that he'd done a lot of research and felt bad for accusing me. He said he still didn't know if he fully trusted me but wanted to at least help me while I went through this because, if anything, we've been best friends since we were small. He came over, and we told my parents together, explaining that I didn't know if it was pregnancy/illness, and I needed to get further testing done. They seemed disappointed that I hadn't told them I was sexually active, but my mom said she was more disappointed in herself for not teaching me about reproductive health. They're being as supportive as they can. So, that all happened. Flash forward to the next day (Monday), I went to the doctor to get more blood testing done. I wanted to update then, but I had to wait until I got the results back (today). So far, after a full blood panel, all signs are still pointing to me being pregnant. The comments kind of got my hopes up, thinking it was most likely something else. My doctor explained that there was actually a slightly higher chance of me being pregnant than there was of a false positive because it's generally men with cancer who receive those. I don't know if he was going off of statistics or personal experience, though. I'm not sure since there's still not a positive way to know if it's really a pregnancy, so I have an ultrasound scheduled for this Thursday as it was the earliest appointment available. That will be the only way to properly confirm. If the ultrasound confirms that I'm pregnant, then I'm also gonna ask about getting DNA testing as a form of paternity test. Finally, I want to disclaim something: I've lied about a lot of things before. Everyone has. But pregnancy isn't something I would ever, ever touch. There are so many women in this world that want kids but are unable to have them, and I can't imagine what it's like for them to constantly see other people getting pregnant. It feels disrespectful and borderline offensive to lie about something like that, and I would never. I also want to say that I completely understand the people (primarily the ones from TikTok, hi guys) that think I cheated and this is all a cover-up story. I'm not gonna try and win people over because your opinions genuinely don't matter to me. All I'm gonna say is that this is a throwaway account that no one I know follows or has access to, so there would be no reason for any of that. If I actually wanted to 'convince' people, then I would've posted it on my main, which my boyfriend and several other friends follow. Again, no one else but my boyfriend and my parents know about this at all, and I don't want them to. On a more positive note! I'd really like to thank all of the supportive comments and messages I got. They outweighed the negatives by far, and it's incredibly heartwarming and honestly surreal. I didn't expect this at all, but thank you. Truly. I had multiple people message me and offer to pay for things like paternity tests, abortion access, and general expenses, and with each and every message, I cried. I can't believe there are such kind-hearted people in the world, but thank you. Me and my parents have this covered, but the offer is enough, and I'm truly grateful for all of it. Hope to keep you guys posted. That's all for now :) &#x200B; **EDIT:** Update 2 won't post, so here it is (summarized): there's not much to say. i got an ultrasound and yes, confirmed the pregnancy. i was still holding onto a bit of hope that it might be something else lol. my doctor gave me a referral to go straight to a blood work lab (i have no idea what they're actually called) so me and my boyfriend could do a prenatal paternity test. i'd never gotten a referral that quickly, usually you have to wait at least a day, but she sent me over for an appointment just an hour after the ultrasound, which was really great. we did the blood test/saliva swab and now we just have to wait about a week for the results. most likely getting an abortion but still figuring out the safest way to do that out of state. Thank you to the people who have been supportive :)   &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My boyfriend thinks I cheated on him because I'm pregnant... But I'm a virgin

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1533h9n/my_boyfriend_thinks_i_cheated_on_him_because_im/

153dmfo

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRAhatefakesil **AITA for calling the C word to my FSIL after she tried to gain sympathy with my miscarriage?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!talk of miscarriage, racism!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14ln0zj/aita_for_calling_the_c_word_to_my_fsil_after_she/jpx1hps?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 28, 2023** I’m sorry if this seems all over the place I just so mad that everyone is siding with her. My future sister-in-law (Ella, 30F) is your typical annoyingly bubbly girl. She is always happy and smiling, "caring and compassionate". My brother (37M) is foolishly in love with her, and it seems like the rest of my family is wrapped around her finger. My brother and I (34F) grew up very close. When we were 10 and 7 years old, our father passed away, and our mother (69F) struggled as a single mother until she met our stepfather (65M), who is truly an amazing person. They had our little brother (28M), who happens to be Ella's best friend and the reason she met our brother. 28 days ago, my husband (Mark, 34M) and I tragically lost our pregnancy at 22 weeks. It was devastating then, and it still is. I haven't been ready to talk to my therapist about it yet. This was our first pregnancy that progressed this far, so we were filled with hope. Since the loss, I made it clear that I didn't want to talk to anyone and that I didn't want any visits. However, Ella keeps sending deliveries of food every now and then with stupid ass messages like "you are cared for" and "we're here for you", “thinking of you”. It infuriates me to hear Mark commenting on how nice and thoughtful she is. Last night, she asked me if she could come over with my mom and my brothers to quickly discuss something about their wedding. She apologized, saying she knew it wasn't the right time, but the wedding is only a month away, and this conversation couldn't be delayed any longer. In essence, Ella wants to postpone the wedding for another six months. It is a small affair hosted at a friend's place, and since she briefly explained the situation, the vendors are willing to change the date at a minimal cost. To paraphrase her, she said, "I don't feel this is the best time to have a wedding. I really want you at my wedding party, and I suspect you won't want to be around people asking you what happened" (as if she knows what I want or don't want). Of course everyone starting going off about such a great idea and how sweet that was of her moving a special date for her just to “accommodating me”. What it made me snap was what she said next “whenever you feel up to we could have a girls day to get you a new dress” (mine was pink made specifically to fit my growing bump) I screamed at her that she was a C word for looking for sympathy at my expenses that I hoped my brother and everyone else could see her for the conniving and manipulative piece of work she was. That the only girls time I wanted to have is with my beloved girl that isn’t with us anymore. All of them were stunned and she ran out crying, my brother told me to seek therapy and mom and little bro just left. This morning my husband told me that while he understood and share my grievance, I shouldn’t lash out on innocent people. That she only wanted to help. So Reddit I am the AH? **VERDICT: POST DELETED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OOP** >Exactly!!! Why doesn’t she understand??? She lost a pregnancy earlier this year, SHE SHOULD HAVE understood, right??? She acted as if nothing happened! A weeks later of the incident she was again being her usual self! I’m so mad at everyone **PromiscuousSpaghetti** >>Wait...SHE LOST A PREGNANCY TOO?!?! >>Holy fuck you're an asshole. She was trying to so hard to cheer you up and comfort you BECAUSE SHE WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING!!! * **Working_Razzmatazz94** >Info: What has Ella done to you in the past that caused you to believe she’s looking for sympathy at your expense? **OOP replied** >Nothing personal, she is just the kind of extrovert that wants you to “feel welcome” and always worrying if you need anything or help or whatever. And everyone is how sweet, how caring bla bla bla **COMMENT FROM THE BROTHER - SAVED BY u/DaikonEffective1105 ON THE r/TwoHotTakes SUB** [Comment saved here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14lqgak/im_genuinely_baffled/jpyf2nb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Hey. I'm the big brother. Jesus Christ Rachel. The next time you want to try to make yourself the victim (like you ALWAYS do), do it on a site that I don't use almost every day. You can thank Ella for being the only reason I've even kept a relationship with you because she has been that tolerant of your garbage. You've made it NO secret that you hate her. But hey, smart of you to try and leave out how she's black, and you called her MORE than the C word, but I think letting everyone know the actual words you called her would not be allowed whatsoever on this sub. But I'll verify for everyone here: You're a bully, a racist, and an asshole and you always have been. And way to mention Ella's miscarriage, but NOT mention your own response to it, which was an eyeroll and a smirk and then make offhanded comments about how Ella should have been 'more careful' because you thought her working out of the house was 'bad for the baby'. You know what's bad for a baby? A garbage person. Like you. Delete my number. Delete mom's number. Delete Ella's number. Go rot. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for calling the C word to my FSIL after she tried to gain sympathy with my miscarriage?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153dmfo/aita_for_calling_the_c_word_to_my_fsil_after_she/

153efvs

Fact To Cover Spoilers: Black marlin's are considered one of the fastest swimmers in the sea. They can reach speeds of up to 80mph (About 129 kilometers per hour). CW:>! Cheating!< Mood Spoilers: >!OP Gets What's Coming To Him But I Would Not Call This Satisfying!< *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/Artistic-Habit9955 *on* r/relationship_advice \- [**I (40M) started to cheat on my wife (38F) but stopped halfway through. Do I still tell her?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vkl9us/i_40m_started_to_cheat_on_my_wife_38f_but_stopped/) **(Originally Posted June 25th, 2022)** My wife and I have a great relationship. I can't say I have any real complaints. We have been together for five years, married for two of those, and up until now I would have said I would never stray. I was away for work last week and while I was in the hotel, a young woman (21F) sat next to me and began to flirt with me. I was extremely flattered by the attention. I have to admit it was a real ego boost to be flirted with by someone so young as I've started to get that middle-age dadbod and have been feeling like I'm losing my looks a bit. After a bit of talking the woman invited herself back up to my hotel room where we began to have sex. For me it was all about the thrill of being desired by someone other than my wife, especially by a very young woman. I was slightly drunk and I figured I'll probably never get the opportunity to sleep with a 21 year old again. But the thrill wore off very quickly as I realized that I wasn't enjoying myself. This girl was not good in bed. She basically just laid there and starfished, sometimes she would pull herself into what she thought was a sexy pose but that was it. She didn't seem interested in me at all, I might as well have been a human dildo because she seemed more interested in herself and how sexy she thought she was. Sex with my wife has always been amazing. When I'm with my wife she's all over me, talking to me and telling me how hot I am, grabbing me, touching me, getting on top and so on. I feel like the hottest guy in the world when I'm in bed with my wife. With this girl I felt like I could leave the room and she might not even notice let alone care. She seemed like she just wanted the ego boost of a guy finding her attractive. I couldn't stay aroused and I stopped about ten minutes into it and asked her to leave, which she did. I didn't come, I just took a shower and then called my wife to hear her voice. Now I'm back home and so far I haven't told my wife about any of it. There's a guilty part of me that says I should because she deserves to know but another part of me says why should I torpedo our happy marriage and cause her pain for something that I didn't even enjoy and will never do again? All it did was prove to me that I want my wife more than anyone else. I want to do the right thing but I genuinely don't know what the right thing to do is here. I know that I will never ever stray again. Should I tell her or keep it to myself? TLDR: I started to sleep with another woman but backed out halfway through because I realized I love my wife more. Should I even tell her about it? \- **Relevant Comments:** *(The vast majority of commentors tell him to confess to his wife, I've picked some notable comments and his responses)* >DO NOT tell her about this! Don’t blow up her world because you feel guilty. This is your burden to live with. Don’t shift the burden onto her. Take that time and energy you’d have had to use repairing your relationship and helping her heal emotionally and focus on improving your own self worth so you don’t need some idiotic encounter with a stranger to make you feel worthy. OOP: This is what I wonder if I should do. I'm never going to cheat or even come close to it again, I consider this my wake up call. So I don't know what purpose her knowing about this would actually serve, wouldn't it just hurt us both? But then again I think if she slept with another guy, even if he didn't finish, I would want to know. &#x200B; > If she was great you definitely wouldn’t have realized you still wanted your wife right in the middle of the sex, you probably would have realized after you finished. > >What did you use for protection, do you take condoms with you on business trips? OOP: The girl had a condom luckily, so we did use protection. There would be no question about me telling my wife if we hadn't. &#x200B; >You didn’t start to cheat, you cheated. Hard stop. You worded it this way to make your self not sound bad. Let me say it again. You cheated. > >Don’t forget that you said you didn’t enjoy it because you felt she wasn’t that into it. Would you have felt bad and still stopped if you thought she was great in bed? Again, you cheated. OOP: OK then yes, I cheated. I do take responsibility for that, I realize I've fucked up. If she'd been great in bed then I don't know. The fact that she was so bad brought me back to reality. But I think even if she had been great I would still have realized that I ultimately just want my wife. &#x200B; >What is it you hope your wife will gain from knowing this? OOP: That's what I'm wondering. A lot of people are saying I should tell her and I understand their point but I just wonder what either of us will actually gain from that. It will hurt her deeply for no reason, and possibly destroy our marriage. &#x200B; >Difficult one. You cheated. She deserves to know. > >You’re a piece of shit, but then again many people are so you have solidarity. > >If you promise never to do it again, I’ll forgive you. That’s if you can live with the guilt. I wouldn’t be able to. > >I’m not a better person than you, I can’t advise. It’s your choice. The greater good as it were. Usually I would say you have to fess up, but she might leave you. > >I do understand your situation tho. Most here won’t. It feels good to be wanted. But still you fucked up. > >It’s all on your moral compass my friend. The answer is there. But let me ask you, if you told your wife what happened and she forgave you, would you still respect her? Or would you forgive her transgressions if she cheated on you? > >Nobody here should judge you. You know you fucked up. Be honest and risk losing everything, or keep it quiet and live with that regret for the rest of your life. That’s your decision and yours alone. OOP: If my wife told me this same story I don't know. I think I would forgive her. But it would be hard and it would break my heart to hear it. I think the only thing that would stop it from totally destroying me is if she didn't enjoy it. Because if she did have sex with someone else and enjoyed it that would shatter me. \- [**UPDATE: I (40M) started to cheat on my wife (38F) but stopped halfway through. Do I still tell her?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vpg023/comment/ieja9ad/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **(Originally Posted July 1st, 2022)** My original post is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vkl9us/i_40m_started_to_cheat_on_my_wife_38f_but_stopped/). I really took a beating from Reddit when I made my first post, so maybe some of you will be happy to read this update. Maybe not. I was still not sure whether to tell my wife what happened or not after making the post. This is not because I'm selfish, like some of you said, but because I was struggling to find the logic in telling her something that would hurt her when she didn't need to know because it was never going to happen again. But I did also take on board what others said about how if it was them, they would want to know and to some point I agreed with them about that. It didn't end up mattering because my wife realized something was up a few days after I got back from my work trip. She brought up how I'd been very quiet and seemed "off" ever since getting back, and she looked and sounded so worried about me that I decided in the moment to tell her. I didn't want us to have any secrets from each other. I told her everything. She didn't believe me at first. She believed I'd started to sleep with the other woman, but not that I had stopped or that the sex was bad. I showed her the Reddit post I made so she could see I wasn't just spinning her a flattering story to try and get off the hook. She started to cry while reading it and then said the sentence that has been going round and round my head 24/7 since then: "I loved you so much." Loved. Past tense. I asked if she could really just fall out of love so quickly and she said yes, in the space of a few minutes I had gone from the love of her life and the man she wanted to grow old with to "just another sad man having a midlife crisis." We talked for most of the night, but she wouldn't budge. She turned down my offer of marriage counselling or counselling for just myself. I suggested we take a short week's break so she can think about things but her mind is made up. We are filing for divorce and in the meantime I am sleeping in our spare room so she can remain in our marital bed. This is not how I wanted any of this to go. She is without a doubt the woman I love and the woman I will always love, and if I could go back in time I would lock myself in my hotel room for that entire work trip and only come out for the conference. I hold hope that she might one day change her mind all the same. Our connection is too strong to be destroyed by 30 minutes of poor decision making. TLDR: I told my wife that I was unfaithful while away for work. We are getting a divorce. **Relevant Comments:** *In Response To A Now Deleted Comment:* OOP: I absolutely will always love her. Even if she never agrees to come back, I will still love her. I don't know yet if she'll ever forgive me, but I'm going to make sure I'm a man who's worthy of her forgiveness. &#x200B; > Bro, mah dude you fucked up in a lot of ways. Try some therapy even tho she's divorcing you. > >PS I think you were extra scared to tell her because you knew just how strong her backbone was and you knew you couldn't manipulate her out of it. OP: It wasn't that I wanted to "manipulate" her. If you knew her you'd know she's not someone who can be manipulated by anyone, and I know her better than to even try. She does have a strong backbone and when she feels strongly about something she's all in. That's why I find it so unbelievable that she could fall out of love just like that, because she's a person who loves very deeply. I was scared to tell her because I knew that just like all her other feelings about things her sadness would be intense and very deeply felt, and I didn't want to be the cause of that. &#x200B; >The people on this thread suck. Cheating happens. It's not excusable, but it's very forgivable. We are highly intelligent animals, but still animals. We have desires. Cheating is shitty. It's a shitty thing to do. Sometimes you have to make the mistake before you realize how much of a mistake it is. We all do regrettable things. That said, forgiveness doesn't have to happen. If your wife can't forgive you, then you have to live with that and work on moving on. Life is a series of mistakes, and learning from them so you can prevent them moving forward. But mistakes don't define us. I hope you're able to eventually find solace. OOP: Thank you. &#x200B; *In Response To A Now Deleted Comment:* OOP: I am happy to take all of the blame. I fucked up. I know that. I am not interested in trying to make anyone else take responsibility for the mistakes I made, I am just interested in trying to make up for them in any way I can. \- *This has been posted on here before by* u/mermaidpaint *there has been no update since the original BORU post. I wish OOP's wife the best.* &#x200B; &#x200B;

OP Asks If He Has To Tell His Wife That He Started To Cheat

REPOST

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153efvs/op_asks_if_he_has_to_tell_his_wife_that_he/

153k0tf

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/ThrowRA_blackberry1. She posted in r/relationship_advice. **Trigger Warning:** >!domestic violence; !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!scary but OOP made the right choice!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13ilchw/last_year_boyfriend_33m_quitted_his_job_without/)**: May 15, 2023** My boyfriend (33m) quit his job last year without telling me. I only found out 2 days before the rent was due (we split everything 50/50) when I asked him for his part of the rent. When I asked, he simply told me he quit because he was tired of working at that place. Since then, I’ve been paying for everything, including rent, food, gas, bills, and anything he needs. I had to work 2 jobs while going to school for a while, it was hard. But I finally finished school couple months ago and I found my dream job. I make enough to live comfortably, even take care of my bf and still have money for saving. However, I still want him to get a job to support himself because I think as an adult, he needs a job. But I feel like he rely on me too much and he thinks since my job pays well, he doesn’t have any reason to work. He always say things like “you make good money now so maybe you could buy me my dream car” or “you should open a business for me to run”. It bothers me a lot. I don’t mind supporting my partner financially if there’s a legit reason that prevent him from working, but it’s not the case. He spends most of his time playing games, meeting up with friends, or just at home watching movies. I still have to do all the chores and take care of our dogs. His family thinks that he’s been woking to take care of me so that I can finish school, which is not true. Now they think I was able to finish school and got a good job all because of him. I don’t even want to explain to them. I just want him to get a job and have a future. When I tried to talk to him, he told me I’m not supportive and now that I have a good job, I look down on him. What should I do? Is it even worth it to try to talk some sense into him? I don’t want to start dating at this age but I feel like I can’t keep doing this. **Edit:** some people pointed out “quit”, not “quitted” so I edit to correct that. Sorry, I can’t change the title. English is my 2nd language, so I still make mistake here and there. Thank you for the correction ***(editor's note- I fixed that in the title of this post.)*** **Edit 2:** **(Next Day)** wow, I didn’t expect this many comments. I can’t reply to everyone, but I did read all the comments and I really appreciate it. Many people have asked why him? why I stay for years? what did I see in him? So I just want to answer it here. We started off pretty normal. We split everything 50/50, and I had no problem with that. But throughout the years, he started showing his true self. I was in school and school was the most important thing to me at that point, so I invested all my time and energy into it. I was in a PhD program, so I had stipend (around 30k/yr), which was enough for myself but not for 2 people. After he quit his job, I was very stressed out but I had to focus on school and tried to do everything I could to survive. I didn’t have time to really think about my personal life and I also didn’t want to go through any changes in life, so I just let it be. In addition, he guild trips me a lot, so I feel bad for him. But now that I have a stable job, I have time to really think about my future, I don’t see myself being with him long term. I don’t think it would be as easy as “hey, let’s break up” because I know he wouldn’t let it go that easy. But I’ll start planning to get out, maybe ask some friends for support. His name is not on the lease, so I’ll stay where I am and he’ll have to move. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why have you accepted that this is your life?* "I think it’s because I was too busy figuring my life out and trying to do everything I could to survive. All I did was working and going to school, I didn’t really have time to think about my personal life. Now that I have a stable job, I have time to think about my life more and yea, I need to end this and take care of myself. Tbh, I’m not even sure how to date anymore but I guess I’ll try and hopefully able to find someone" *Moving forward (Next day):* "I will have a talk with him this afternoon to tell him it’s time to end things and he needs to move out. He will probably give me the “my life is miserable” talk, again. But I think reading all these comments makes me realize I should feel bad for myself and not for him. I’m sure once he moves back to live with his family, they will reach out to me to tell me how good he has been treating me, and how he helped me through school (they’ve done this before when I told them things weren’t working for us). I will tell them everything this time." *Have you told his family or yours?* "I haven’t told any of my family and friends about the situation because I’m kinda ashamed of it. My friends would probably think I can’t be this stupid. But 2 of my very close friends did tell me that I deserve better, just based on the way he treats me in front of them. I will have a talk with him this afternoon, and a couple of my friends will be waiting outside, in case he gets physical or refuses to leave. Wish me luck!" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14y1ylv/update_last_year_boyfriend_33m_quitted_his_job/)**: July 12, 2023 (2 months later)** It’s been 2 months since I posted about my situation on this sub and I just want to give you an update of how things went after I made that post. Before I go into the details, I just want to say I really appreciate everyone here. After I resolved everything, I occasionally would go back to my original post and read the comments to remind myself that I’ve done the right thing. After posting on here, I went home from work that day and asked my friends to come over but stay in the parking lot while I sort things out with my now ex bf. Before I could even start the conversation, he told me his friend got a new car recently and how I should get him a car since I can afford it. I got really upset and told him he could’ve got himself a car if he was working. I told him how stressful it has been for me with him not working and fully relying on me. He started the “my life is already miserable and you’re not being supportive” talk. I was sick of it. So I said I wanted to end things here and he needs to move out asap. As expected, he got upset and threw a tantrum. He was yelling, throwing stuff around, and when he realized I was being dead serious, he started threatening to hit and kill my dogs. I jumped in between him and the dogs to stop him from harming them. Then he pushed me, and grabbed me by my neck. I was able to get him off of me, put the dogs into a room, and called my friends to tell them come in and call the police. He was trying to hit me but my friends got there in time. I think he got scared when he saw my friends showed up, so he backed down but still verbally telling them to get out of the way or he would hit them too. The police came. They took him away and told me he wouldn’t be able to come into the apartment anymore. He had to move but would need to be escorted by the police if he wants to grab his stuff later. It was a horrible experience, but it showed me that I’ve done the right thing. I thought that was the end of everything. But his aunty called me when she found out, and tried to gaslight me saying that he didn’t do anything wrong and I was just upset so I called the police. I told myself that I no longer have to deal with these bullshit, so I told her to leave me alone and hung up. His family would continue to harass me but stopped when I threaten to report to the police. I continue to pay the rent and bills like how I’ve always been doing. The only thing that’ve changed is I’m now so much happier. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in years. I just got a promotion last week. I’ve been spending time enjoying life (with the extra money I have since I no longer having to pay for his expenses). As for my ex, he’s moved in with his aunt. I got a protection order so we are not in contact at all. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Many people congratulate OOP and wish her well:* "Thank you! It feels great to wake up in the morning and don’t have to worry about what kind of crap is he going to give me today. And omg the extra saving that I have since I’m not longer financially responsible for a full grown adult" "Thank you! I’ve realized that all the uncertainties that I had before really don’t mean anything. My life is only getting better and I’ve received all the support I need from friends and family and people on Reddit too" *How long were you in that relationship?* "I was in that relationship for 8yrs" *Why didn't you tell his family about his refusal to work?* "I haven’t mentioned this, but his family is the type of people who it doesn’t matter what he does, he’s always right to them. I knew even if I tell them that he refused to work, his family would still defend him and make excuses for his behavior (it has happened with other things before). But his family can take care of him all they want now" "I didn’t put this in the post because I didn’t want the post to get too long but when his aunty first called me, she told me if I kick him out he wouldn’t have anywhere to stay because she couldn’t let him stay with her. I knew she was just saying that so that I feel bad and wouldn’t kick him out. So I told her it’s none of my business and he needs to figure it out himself. Guess what?!? He moved right into his aunt’s house after he was released" *Make sure to be overly cautious moving forward:* "I’m planning to move to a new place soon, and it’s nicer, and closer to my work too (since I can now afford it with the extra money I have). I have no doubt he’s capable of harming me and I’m honestly not sure if he would leave me alone. I’m considering filing a restraining order against his family also, because even though they’ve stopped coming to my place to try to gaslight and guilt trip me, they still try to call me sometimes (with different number since I blocked their numbers already)" "I just ordered a ring camera and I’m also going to move to a new place soon. He doesn’t even know where I work because he didn’t care. He’d never taken me to work or even asked what company I work for. He only asked about my salary when I told him I got a new job. I was sad that he didn’t care but now I’m glad that he doesn’t know much about me besides where I live" *Therapy:* "I’m spending a lot of time taking care of myself. I have had a couple therapy sessions in the past couple weeks. The whole incident was traumatizing to me. I’m a lot happier but still need lots of time to heal"

Last year, boyfriend (33m) quit his job without telling me and now he refused to look for another job. I’m (31f) tired of paying for everything

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153k0tf/last_year_boyfriend_33m_quit_his_job_without/

153k1j8

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/ThrowRA77474. They posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!child illness!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!a pretty fair outcome!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14ws8s2/aita_for_not_wanting_to_use_my_college_fund_to/)**: July 11, 2023** My parents divorced when I was about 7 because my dad had admitted to having an affair. My mom and I moved out of our house and into an apartment while my dad immediately moved his mistress into our house because she was pregnant with my twin brothers. My mom was devastated but she quickly picked herself up for us. She went back to school and as a result, she continued climbing up in her career. My mom adjusted better to going from a double income household to a single income and was able to contribute a substantial amount of money to my college fund. My dad on the other hand had a harder time as he now has to support a family of 4 sometimes 5 on a single income as his wife is a SAHM. My dad did not have much disposable income and so did not contribute as much to the fund. I'm going to finish school soon and I have a good shot at getting into my first choices of college. Unfortunately my brother \[10M\] was diagnosed with a kidney disease which has progressed to where he needs to be on dialysis. My dad is drowning in medical debt so my mom agreed he no longer needed to pay child support. The specialist had suggested a different treatment for my brother as most other treatments didn't help or stopped working and they are running out of options short of a transplant (not doable at this time). This treatment is not covered by insurance and costs a lot. My dad can't take out a loan due to debt. Dad and his wife sat me down when I was over and asked if I would be willing to let them borrow my college fund to pay off my brother's treatment. They offered to pay the money back but I knew they wouldn't be able to. I really don't want to give them the money because I know if I don't get any scholarships I wouldn't be able to go to the college I want to without going into debt myself. My future would be at risk and I know my dad wouldn't help if I needed it. In addition, the money technically belongs to my mom, I can't just give it away and I know she would refuse to give them the money. My dad and his wife are furious at both my mom and I and is trying to guilt me into it. I do feel terrible for my little brother. AITA? ETA My dad does have a second job that he works on the weekend, and his wife home schools the boys and is a full time care giver for my brother. My dad's family disowned him when the affair came to light. He did get some help from his brother and sister but they can only give so much, I do think I was his last option. His wife did not have a lot of family. Lastly, of course I would feel bad if something happened to my brother, he's just a little kid, but I would want to help him with MY OWN money and I can only do that if I start my career debt free. I Also don't want to risk my own future. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Make sure he does not have access to the account:* "He does not have access, only mom does." "They actually started saving when I was born. Dad stopped contributing completely when the twins were 5." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): July 12, 2023 (Next day)** So after I called my mom she left work early and picked me up from dad's house. She took me for coffee and I explained what happened. After talking a bit she said I could either keep the fund as is and not give dad the money or we can take the money that dad had contributed and give that back to him. I told her I wanted to give dad back the money he put in. After we finish our coffee mom withdrew the exact amount dad put in over the years. Mom also matched the amount and added it to give to dad. I waited in the car while she gave dad the money and he was upset because the money wasn't enough. Mom told him that is all he's going to get from her and threatened to take him to court if he and his wife keeps harassing me. This is probably the last update as I am going low contact with dad for now. Thank you everyone of the genuine support and the advice. ***A reminder that I am not the Original Poster. Do not comment on the original post.***

AITA for not wanting to use my college fund to pay for my brother's treatment?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153k1j8/aita_for_not_wanting_to_use_my_college_fund_to/

153krtj

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Goodbyehoney **I destroyed my fiancé’s dead ex wife photos and her antique horse collection and my fiancé doesn’t know..** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Death of a parent, destruction of property, emotional abuse and emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/124akv4/i_destroyed_my_fianc%C3%A9s_dead_ex_wife_photos_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 15, 2023** So I have been keeping this for a couple of months. I (26F) have been with my fiancé Ale (27M) for 2 year but I’ve known him when I was a freshmen in high school and he was sophomore. He was with his deceased ex wife Lorraine when they were in middle school. I always kinda had feelings for Ale, even when I was in relationship with my ex boyfriend from high school, we broke up of course. But Ale has two kids Basil (8M) and Birdie (3F). I love those kids as my own and see them as my own. He was married to his deceased ex wife Lorraine when she was 18 and he was 19. Had their son after they got married. Sadly Lorraine passed away from child birth with their daughter Birdie. I comfort him when he was grieving. After a year of her passing we got into a relationship. He’s the best partner I can ever ask for and we are getting married in summer of July. Birdie sees me as her mother and Basil sees me more as an aunt than a mom. I was always auntie Coco but my name is Celia. Basil does have a picture of Ale and him and Lorraine when she was 5 months pregnant with Birdie. He does not have a picture of us together as a family. He still misses his mom. I was kinda a little jealous of Lorraine. Especially during high school. Sometimes I wish I was the birth mother of Basil and Birdie. I wished I had his kids first and Ale doesn’t want anymore kids biologically. Because he told me he only wanted Lorraine to have his kids. He had a vasectomy. He told me he rather just adopt, or I use a sperm donor which makes me upset. I felt so insecure, about all of it. Thinking Lorraine is in the way. All of Ale’s friends knew Lorraine In and out. Since they all knew each other in middle school and had the same old friend group growing up all together. Especially Ale’s best friend Jordan. He adored Lorraine. So did his wife Ruth, which is Lorraine’s best friend. I know them but I am not close to them. They all talk about Lorraine from time to time. About the things they used to do. They are the godparents of Basil and Birdie. So they’re around a lot. I however didn’t know Lorraine that much, but she was nice to me. It felt fake tho. So I wasn’t really a big fan of her. But respected her enough. I felt kinda like I was intruding in Ale’s beautiful family. I remember going through the attic and finding some of Lorraine’s and Ale’s belongings. With photos from middle school to before her passing. Also with Ale’s old gifts that Lorraine given him to Lorraine’s gifts from Ale have given her. A lot of horses as Lorraine grew up on a horse ranch and loved horses. Ale was keeping this for his kids to give when they were older. To treasure their mothers stuff. I also found another box filled with Lorraine’s collection of old vintage and antique stuff of horses and gifts from her friends, Ale’s friends, and family, and Ale’s family. I got jealous as Ale was planning on giving this stuff of Lorraine’s horse collection and gifts to Birdie. Ale has already given Birdie Lorraine’s old stuff zebra when she was a young child and given Basil an old knife that belonged to Lorraine’s grandfather. All I know is, I wanted everything gone. When Ale took Basil and Birdie to Lorraine’s parents house for a few days. I stayed back because of work. I knew this was an opportunity to get rid of Lorraine’s stuff and photos. So I took the knife and the stuff zebra, all the photos of Lorraine in it and her antique horse collection. Burned all the photos threw her antique collection away and destroyed some. Cut open all the stuff toys of Lorraine’s and letters she wrote. Destroyed every single thing of hers. I felt satisfied knowing she won’t be a bother and nothing to be jealous of anymore. I felt happy and not remorseful. When Ale and the kids came back, I pretended as nothing happened and was just normal. It only took a few days when they noticed. Especially Basil he couldn’t find his photo of him and his mother or the knife. He raised awareness of the disappearance of the stuff, which got Ale searching for the zebra. But couldn’t have been found. We did moved to a new house few months after. Ale searched through the attic to pack stuff and noticed that only Lorraine’s stuff were all gone. Her collection, childhood stuff, their pictures together, letters, gifts. Just everything. He searched frantically for it. He did questioned me as he knew about my insecurities and jealousy of Lorraine. But I told him that I would never do anything like that. He believed me. Thinking he left her stuff back at the old house. Even to this day he still doesn’t know. Basil is however heart broken which got me feeling a bit sad. Lorraine’s parents and friends are very sad about it. As Ale did tell his friends and everyone. His family is sad about it. Because they loved Lorraine like a daughter. I wish they loved me like one. But I know I can’t ever compare to her. Ale’s friends are also so sad about what happened. Everyone is sad. But they don’t know a thing.. Even Birdie is sad about the zebra. But that thing was old and gross. So I got her a new one. She doesn’t love it like her old one but she sleeps with it once and a while. I don’t think I can ever tell Ale or anyone this. But feels good to take it off my chest. Only person I really told were my two best friends Mandy and Hollie. Mandy knows Ale but in high school they really weren’t that close. But still hung out and Hollie didn’t really like Ale that much she only knows him because she dated his friend Maxwell in high school to college on and off. Until Maxwell got married with a kid on the way. However Mandy and Hollie have told me what I did wasn’t right. But they won’t tell anyone. So I feel safe knowing they won’t tell Ale or anyone of his friends and family. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14lg012/update_i_destroyed_my_fiancés_dead_ex_wife_photos/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 28, 2023** Well to update you people calling me names and how my fiancé does deserve better. You guys are right, the guilt hit me so hard. Seeing my kids.. All sad and devastated. Basil was so distraught about his grandfathers knife and his picture with his mom. He sometimes will break down crying because he always tell his dad and I “My mom is the prettiest lady.” Or “Mom was the kindest lady.” Birdie was still sad because she thought she lost or misplaced “Zipper” her mother’s childhood stuff zebra. She sometimes couldn’t sleep without Zipper. She would still come to sleep on me. As she sees me as her mom. Ale was upset thinking he left all of his memories of him and Lorraine behind and could never get them back. He’s sad Birdie would never know much about her mother Lorraine or didn’t have any pictures of her mother.. Or give her collection on antique horses. Will never know the letters she wrote for Birdie and Basil. And for Basil to never receive any of his mothers old gifts. Basil really loved his mom and he did resent me sometimes.. Saying I’m not his mother or I will never replace her. He does say he loves me of course. Just not as a mom. I tried to be a mom for him but that made him really resent me. I just feel really awful now. But I still didn’t tell them for a while. However my best friend Mandy was the one that wanted me to tell Ale for the sake of him and the kids. She grew up with a stepmother who was resentful of her. She didn’t want me to go down that path. She said that it’s up to Ale on what he wants to do with our relationship and that I really messed up, and dig myself a really dark deep hole. She says if I love Ale and the kids as I say I do. Then I need to tell him or she would. I never told him, I was too scared, so after weeks of not telling. Mandy came over one day when I was visiting my parents and little sister. Told Ale the whole thing, what I did and everything I destroyed. How I talked so badly about Lorraine. When I came home, Mandy was there and I looked over to Ale was fuming with so much anger.. I never seen him like this before. We never had an argument before over the course of our relationship and friendship. This was the first.. He screamed yelled at me “How dare you do that to the love of my life and the mother of my children.” I knew he wasn’t over her and thought he loved me. I asked him if he ever did love me. He said “ I did and I wanted to marry you. Until you ruined mine and my kids life forever, I don’t anymore. We will never get those stuff back.” I started crying so hard and asked Mandy why over and over. She didn’t say anything. Ale was going off on me and broke up with me and told me to never get near me or his kids ever again. I told him “What about Birdie? She calls me mama.” And he said “You were never her mother, just a sick person who wanted to seem like Lorraine never existed.” And told me to get the hell out of his and his kids life. After that I left and went to stay at my best friend Hollies place. Then what I learn the few days after. Ale told everyone, his friends, his family, his best friend Jordan, Lorraine’s family and friends and her best friend Ruth. I was getting messages left and right from all of them. Telling me awful things. Calling me a names. Ruth texted me calling me a soulless crone who took her best friend memories and life from her kids. That one real stung and got me to broke down.. Mandy even told me she will never look at me the same and question our friendship and hasn’t contacted me since.. A lot of our other friends dropped me.. but a few are still with me. So now here I am.. At my best friends place until I get back on my feet. With an ex fiancé who wants to put a RO on me.. I am “harassing his family.” And “Already caused enough life damaging pain for his kids.” His son Basil hates me.. Because Ale told him.. Birdie now wondering where I am probably. I don’t know, his family hates me. I got along with his two older brothers and his parents. All his friends hate me and most of my friends do too.. I lost my fiancé and my kids. Over my stupid jealousy. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I destroyed my fiancé’s dead ex wife photos and her antique horse collection and my fiancé doesn’t know..

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153krtj/i_destroyed_my_fiancés_dead_ex_wife_photos_and/

153kuyj

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Alarmed_Key4149 **in** r/offmychest Mood Spoiler: >!Positive update!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14x6iz0/i_feel_like_i_want_sex_with_my_wife_all_the_time/) \- Jul. 11, 2023 **I feel like I want sex with my wife all the time and I don't know how to deal with it** I \[47M\] have been with my wife \[42F\] for 23 years and have been married for 20. She's the only woman I've ever really been attracted to (and even then, I only really became attracted to her after we knew each other for a year and had dated for another) and the only one I've ever had sex with either. Once I felt that for her, my libido absolutely skyrocketed and it hasn't gone down since. I've never told her quite how high my drive is. I find myself wanting her 3-4 times a day, but I don't want her to feel pressured or to think all I think about or want from her is sex. I adore her, and quite frankly, if I could make my sex drive truly be what she thinks it is (roughly the same as hers, that is), I absolutely would. It's very frustrating when I just want to cuddle or appreciate a conversation or a bath together or a movie and instead feel so horny. I don't know if this is normal (I certainly know that the way I feel attraction isn't quite normal), but if it is, how does anyone deal with this? I've tried supplementing with masturbation, but it just doesn't scratch the right itch. I suppose at the end of the day it's just nice to say this, even if nothing changes I'll be perfectly happy, if always a touch frustrated with my body. Edit/Addition: I have posted an update (it's the only other post I've made)! In short, I told my wife and it went very, very well. Thank you all! \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14xqc92/update_i_feel_like_i_want_sex_with_my_wife_all/) \- Jul. 12, 2023 **UPDATE - I feel like I want sex with my wife all the time and I don't know how to deal with it** I posted yesterday (it's the only other post I've made) about how my sex drive has been very, very high ever since I started feeling sexually attracted to my wife (i.e. for the past 22 years), and after a lot of encouragement and discussion from commenters, I realized that I've worked myself up so much about telling her and have made it something to be worried about, even though really I shouldn't have felt that way. This morning once I woke up, I told her that I had something to discuss with her, then I told her about what my drive really is, how I was worried about how she'd feel (and hence why I never mentioned that it was higher before), and that I didn't want her to feel pressured in the slightest about it, I just wanted to be honest with her (and I showed her the post too). She then told me she actually had been feeling more randy in recent years but didn't want me to feel like she just wanted me for sex, then told me that I didn't have anything to worry about and she would have been very receptive even if I'd told her two decades ago. We kissed and had a bit of a laugh about how we'd worked ourselves up about this, and it was just so nice to let her know how I feel and to know how she feels about this. We paused our conversation to, well, "make up for lost orgasms," as my wife put it (she spoils me!), and after we both had a clear head again we continued our discussion - specifically addressing how to indulge in each other more without spending too much time on that sort of bonding compared to other ways that we enjoy bonding. We've decided that we'll see how roughly twice a day feels for us and tweak from there - though my wife has insisted that we start that next week and instead play catch-up a bit this week. I appreciate everyone telling me that I should just tell her - I feel quite foolish for having kept this from her for so long, but she assures me that she is flattered by my reason for it. Thank you all! (PS - I told her what some of you mentioned about me being demisexual, and she was so happy to learn that too!) \~\~\~ *Note: I love the realization that he might be demisexual! Really glad things worked out for them :)* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

I feel like I want sex with my wife all the time and I don't know how to deal with it

CONCLUDED

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153kuyj/i_feel_like_i_want_sex_with_my_wife_all_the_time/

153lbk1

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/apparentlycuckolded **in** r/TrueOffMyChest Trigger warnings: >!Infidelity, depression, COVID-19, anxiety, suicidal ideation, Bipolar Disorder, relationship issues.!< Mood spoilers: >!Despair, confusion, hope, uncertainty.!< &#x200B; [**My wife cheated on me and now has so many demands, and it feels so unfair**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13ywx92/my_wife_cheated_on_me_and_now_has_so_many_demands/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sat, Jun 03, 2023 I am realizing this is a long story because I included details I felt were relevant, but I am probably being way too verbose. Read the TL:DR if you want, but if there is a lack of clarity, read the wall of text. I (30M) and my wife (30F) got married recently. We were together for 6 years before marriage and engaged for 3 (delayed the wedding twice because of COVID). Her mental health has always been a struggle (depression, ADHD, anxiety), but during the relationship it feels like it's slowly been getting worse, and COVID was really bad. She really struggled with not seeing people during the height of the pandemic, and anxiety from a family health scare. During this time she lost her job but got a new one quickly after that was remote, but therefore more irregular with hours. I have always tried my best to be supportive, and she's said in the past that she felt I was the only person she's ever met who made her feel she could become who she wants to be. But I suppose that stopped being true at some point. A few months after our wedding, she got COVID and also had long COVID symptoms for a while. It was very difficult mentally and physically. I think she was mostly recovered after several months when she got COVID again and long COVID symptoms again. We knew better how to manage it, so it improved slightly faster, but stress-wise, it all became too much. After she got COVID the second time, we started being much more careful with our masking. We only ate indoors for important occasions and wore masks in bars. We sat outside in the winter at any place that still had outdoor seating. But after her second COVID recovery, she spiraled into a depression worse than I had seen before. She decided to take a leave from work. During the depressive episode and leave, I fed her, did all the household chores, and worked full time. During her leave, she started improving. She attempted to do many things, like take classes, but the only thing that she really did consistently was yoga. Her sleep schedule was really inconsistent from the depression, so she would often struggle to go to sleep, resulting in being up late and then napping and continuing to cycle with late sleep times. This meant that she would take later yoga classes (after dinner) and then have energy. She would say she's going to go to a bar with friends from the class or that she was going to draw at some bar after. Or that she needed to think about therapy, etc. Usually, she would say her intention was to be at the bar for an hour or two and then come home. But she would inevitably say "just another 2 hours while I think about things" and do that again, until bars closed. Then she'd come home, sometimes drunk. During recovery from a depressive episode and long COVID, I thought this was an unhealthy coping mechanism, and it made her sleep even worse. It meant she'd sleep through the day and not get Vitamin D, and sleep quality is so crucial for mental health as well. I would say my thoughts on this, but she's always been defensive about feedback from me. I've journaled about this many times and talked to her about it (including asking her to talk to her therapist about it), but during our couples therapy sessions, we never really got to issues I had with her communication. We only talked about methods I should use to ensure I don't trigger her from past trauma and how we can both deescalate (very valuable things, of course). But this time I suppose was too much. During her times out, guys would talk to her. Eventually, one wore her down, and she made out with him. She gave him her alternate email, and they'd meet up to make out, eventually having sex. She also met two other people who she told she wanted something purely physical with, but she says she never had physical sex with them (she would send dirty texts to them and masturbate to their texts). I discovered this when I picked up her phone to charge it when she was napping. We have each other on FaceID and thumbprint, and when you start charging, the screen lights up and shows past notifications. I saw a weird text, so I opened her phone and looked at it. I didn't think it was suspicious when I clicked on it and had literally zero suspicions until I realized what I was actually reading. I looked at it purely with curiosity because we were so open otherwise (I thought). I was distraught, but I also saw that this guy sent emails to her alternate email that she doesn't keep open by default. I sent myself the emails so she couldn't deny anything later. She woke up from her nap, and we talked and cried. I was so broken and numb. But her remorse seemed so complete, and she said that she was dying to be wanted and feel young and alive. She said she never wanted to be with anyone else. She said she's messed up (mentally) and she's so sorry she's destroyed our marriage too. I wanted to work on this, her mental health, and us, and I told her I wanted to be with her. The next day was hard, but we seemed to get through it somehow. Then she had a therapist appointment. We talked about it afterward. Her therapist seemed to tell her: * She's never done this before, so it isn't "who she is." * She was feeling trapped and wanted attention * The leave from work and freedom is working for her mental health (which is true) * It was a violation of privacy the way I discovered it. And during this conversation, all these things she said very defensively and with an attitude of blaming me for her actions. I was not happy about the perceived lack of guilt. Over the next few days, she seemed to take responsibility, and I had hope for our growth from this. But then she wanted to think about what to do about her job after an afternoon yoga class. This was 5 days after I found out. After, she delayed when she'd come home again. And again. I told her to take her time until she told me she'd be home by 2. I said she can't do the exact thing she did when she cheated this soon after cheating. How can she expect me to trust her? She had location sharing on her phone, and I went to the bar she was at. I told her this again in person. She said she was staying until 2 and that's how it was. I left, and she did come home later. I don't think she cheated or anything. After couples therapy the day after, she had another therapist appointment a few hours later. After that, she's basically not been home. She has told me semi-loose plans (having dinner with a certain friend), but not more than that. She says she needs space. She'll come home late and sleep on the couch until I wake up, then go sleep in our bed until it's time to leave the house again. Based on our couples therapy session, I think she is going to demand changes from me so she doesn't feel trapped. I don't want her to feel trapped! I want her to be healthy and to have healthy coping mechanisms and to want to be with me. She still texts "I love you," to me, but she hasn't said she loves me in a week. I am so scared she wants to separate more completely. Not only for my sake but hers. She's had suicidal ideation, and I just want her to be ok. I think she has projected her parents' relationship onto me and will see anything I do as controlling or annoying at this point. I think her therapist has heard her talk about me this way as well and is encouraging separation. I don't think her therapist is wrong based on what she's heard, but I think it's possible my wife is being selective about what she tells the therapist. For example, she didn't tell the therapist she was cheating on me for the 2 months it was happening. I would guess that she also wasn't telling the therapist how often she was going out alone drinking. At our next couples therapy session, I think I'm going to be told she's moving out, and if I don't want that, I'll be "controlling" her again. I don't know how it's come to this. When the couples therapist found out, she told me, "Just because she feels trapped does not mean that you are trapping her." But I am scared that my wife (who definitely has felt I walk over her in conversations) is choosing now to put her foot in the sand. It feels like the most unfair time and decision, but I don't want to lose her and start my whole life over. I also don't want to acquiesce to this and have her think she is right to think I want to control her. That would result in a life of her resenting me in her mind. I know I'm not blameless - we got couples therapy before this happened for a reason. I am argumentative, and she gets triggered by confrontation from past trauma. We have worked on it a lot, and I am doing better, but I'm not perfect. But above all else, I want her to be happy and healthy, and I thought she knew that. So how can she think that I want to control her instead of thinking she's coping unhealthily? I don't know how I came across with this text, but I am kind of numb right now writing it. I can't stress enough that I try in every conversation to understand, even if she feels I am just trying to win or if the conversation gets heightened by my tone or her trauma. It's the number one thing we've talked about, and it hurts so much that she really thinks I want to control her even though what I am proposing (not demanding) is as mild as being at home by midnight on weekdays and trying to sleep well for her mental health. **TL:DR**: Wife cheated for 2 months. Felt I was being controlling because suggestions for what to do about COVID and depression. Is probably going to demand space and to be treated differently. I am torn between not wanting to lose her and feeling like it is totally unfair to focus on how I need to be better rather than her mental health and our communication. ***Relevant Comments*** **hiswife10** >You are in the thick of this so you can't see it for what it really is. She may have mental health struggles but it sounds like you have done what you can to help her. You CAN'T force her to help herself. She needs to want that on her own. You may not be tying her down, but she probably feels like your marriage is. I think she came close to death and decided she wants to do what she wants no matter how self destructive that is or how much she hurts you. You CAN'T fix this. If she is not on board with healing your marriage, there is no changing that. More you try to control that, the more she will pull away. I don't think her mental health should be more important than yours. You have already prioritized her. > >To come back from infidelity, the cheating partner has to not just feel shame or guilt, they have to have a deep sense of remorse and be willing to go the extra mile to help their partner and marriage heal. From the way you have described her since the day you found out, she is no where near remorseful. She wants to pin this on you and make it your fault. It's not! She doesn't want to feel bad. She doesn't want to put in the work to make it right. This is so cliché but the tighter you try to hold onto sand, the more you lose. > >Focus on your own healing and mental health. You're going to make yourself sick trying to chase her, accommodate her, and ultimately you will lose yourself. Consider separation and really letting her go. &#x200B; [**UPDATE: My wife cheated on me and now has so many demands, and it feels so unfair**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14wy70p/update_my_wife_cheated_on_me_and_now_has_so_many/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, July 11, 2023 I'm going to give an update and then respond to some common feedback I got. After seeing the couples therapist again, the couples therapist and my therapist strongly felt my wife likely has Bipolar Disorder (1 or 2 unknown), triggered from long Covid or something. Some family also suspected it. Over the last few weeks, we've had a few cycles in which she comes back to me crying, apologizing, saying she doesn't want anyone but me (all the things I want to hear). We'll talk about what our future may look like, whether we need a change of location or some kind of reset. We make up, including sex. This form of absolution for her seems to calm her, but then she seemed to get antsy again and leave for increasing amounts of time, again with unsafe behaviors. She's admitted to continued cheating in these times as well. I am worried about it, as she's come back from wherever she's been at like 6 am and sleep for 14, 15, once even 19 hours. It feels very stereotypical Bipolar behavior. Talking to my therapist, I've come to realize how unlikely it is that this will end up ok. I love this person, and as much as I want the best for her, it is not guaranteed that I am actually helping. Not because I'm not doing all I can, but because all change for her has to be internal. And statistically, Bipolar takes a while to treat, and even if it is treated very successfully, we go back to having a relationship in which she was so insecure about whether she was good enough for me, about her own intelligence, and about confrontation, that it'll be hard to think we'll make it regardless. So I've basically made the internal decision that I'll be seeking legal separation (basically divorce with separated finances, but she can stay on my health insurance). My therapist has also said that I do exhibit some patterns for control to alleviate anxiety, so some uncertainty will be good to learn to deal with it. So I think it'll be a win-win for my mental state, my wife, and my future. I'm basically going to prepare this all, and when I think my wife is in a stable place, I'll ask for separation. She has already packed her things intending to move out anyway, so I think it can be relatively seamless. I am going to take some solo trips and ask some friends to plan a different trip with me as well. I've also been reaching out to many old friends and re-establishing my old community, and it's made me sad that I lost touch with so many great people and so happy that I have been able to get them back in my life. **For the feedback:** Many of you were right that she'd continue to cheat. 'hiswife10' was really amazing and said what I needed to hear. I can't tell you how appreciative I am of being kind while centering my well-being. There were others as well, and I am glad you took the time. Otherwise, everyone implying I don't have respect for myself or that I don't have self-esteem is simply wrong (and usually, not very helpful). Maybe for others, it would be a wake-up call, but I can't tell you how much it didn't feel useful at all. I genuinely have incredible resilience (I lost a parent early in life and made it through childhood poverty) and self-esteem, and I am personally incredibly proud of myself that I can consider what is best for other people even while I struggle. I do not struggle with standing up for myself ever. I wrote that a week after I found out. I also want to caution the typical chorus of calling cheating partners every derogatory word in the book. Many deserve it, of course. But life is usually not so black and white, and while I don't excuse her actions, my wife is not how many of you describe her. People have complexity. She can lie to me and feel remorse. She can feel controlled without my being controlling. She can have trauma and extend that to me, but that doesn't mean I'm responsible for it. Not all lying is gaslighting. She can be empathetic to others and not to me. I'm not apologizing for her actions - she will feel the consequences for them. In general, I found the tone of many comments surprisingly unhelpful, but hey, you get what you pay for. For the future, I think we should remember that many people posting on this sub are having some of the worst times of their life, and extending some grace is not that hard. Thanks for reading. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My cheating wife has so many demands

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153lbk1/my_cheating_wife_has_so_many_demands/

1541op2

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/throwawaymom8999999 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest Trigger Warnings: >!Domestic Neglect, Child Endangerment!< Mood Spoilers: >!Anger, Desperation!< &#x200B; [**I came home after a 10 hour shift to my apartment in a mess, my baby screaming and my 8 year old trying to feed her. The father was asleep the whole time**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/w30lg7/update_i_came_home_after_a_10_hour_shift_to_my/) \- Mon, July 18, 2022 I’m leaving him. This is the last fucking straw. Worked a long shift, came home and there was trash and food everywhere. My child (8m) runs up to me, covered in stains and baby formula saying “Sis is crying real bad, she’s hungry. I’m sorry I tried to feed her” I rush in the nursery and sure enough my daughter’s diaper is full, she’s screaming and crying, face red. Literally still in her crib! The room is messy with baby formula and chips. I later learned from my son that he had tried to make a bottle for her but didn’t know how, so he tried to feed her potato chips to calm her down but she couldn’t eat them. He’d been trying to open the door to me and my husbands bedroom. It was locked the whole time, while he was in there sleeping. I asked him if he ate and he said not really, just chips and he tried to take all the food out of the fridge to make something to eat. After feeding and changing my 6 month old, I literally almost tore that bedroom door down trying to get him to open it and he opens the door all groggy and says “What do you want?” clearly annoyed. I tear him a new one and scream at him that our children haven’t eaten all day cause his lazy ass couldn’t wake up and care for them. He just stares at me dumbfounded and is like “Oh my bad….I thought they ate before you went to work” I’m crying at this point. He stayed up all night playing videogames and promised he’d wake up and stay up for the kids. I should’ve known better. I told him I wasn’t gonna get our kids taken away cause of him and that we were over. I’m shaking. Literally have never been so mad in my life. And all he can say is “sorry”. I don’t know where I’m going but I have to leave. I hugged my son, told him he did his best and I was proud of him for taking care of his sister. So sad he even had to do that. Edit: If you say, “Well you chose to have kids with him, you’re just as bad for choosing to have kids with him” I know you’re not an adult and/or lack critical thinking skills. Edit: Comments are locked thank god but I’ll update soon. &#x200B; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/w30lg7/update_i_came_home_after_a_10_hour_shift_to_my/) \- 1 day later I tried to update as quickly as I could, thank you for your patience. Look at my profile for first one. I asked him to leave the apartment. We’re both on the lease technically, but I really didn’t care at that point. Said he needed to leave or I’d tell the police that he failed to care for our 2 children. He got super angry with me, said it was a mistake and it wouldn’t happen again. I said I didn’t care, pack your shit and go stay with your dad. Needless to say after some intense arguing, he went on a rampage, destroying stuff around the apartment. Tv, dishes, mirrors. He made a complete mess of our room and living room. I just let him, I was recording everything anyways. My son came out asking what’s going on and I told him to lock himself in the nursery with his sister. I didn’t think he would try to do anything to them but I’ve read way too many stories. I had to stop recording to call the police. I yelled at him him to calm down cause the police were on the way and all I will say is he put his hands on me and I had to fight him off. (I apologize if this is triggering at all, I’m trying to water it down.) He did get arrested, and all 3 of us are relatively unharmed. I just have some light bruises on my arm. My mom is taking the kids so I can attempt to get the apartment cleaned and replace what I can afford. Sorry this isn’t the happy ending you are all wanting. I felt as though it was important to update since so many of you were worried but we are fine. My son has just been oddly quiet and I feel awful. Hopefully I can take him out for a treat or something soon when I get this mess sorted out. I probably won’t respond to many comments as I’m very tired and stressed. It’s taking so much energy to even type this. Sorry if it’s not the best written update, I tried. Thank you for the support, better days are ahead hopefully. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the OP.**

Wife Gets Home from Work to Discover Husband has Willfully Neglected their Children

REPOST

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1541op2/wife_gets_home_from_work_to_discover_husband_has/

1544g1d

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/defenestratingms **OOP HAS SINCE DELETED THEIR ACCOUNT** **I have known my parents were cheating on each other for years, they found out and got mad at me** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional abuse and manipulation of a child, verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/143fzx5/i_have_known_my_parents_were_cheating_on_each/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 7, 2023** When I was 11 I saw my mom kissing one of her coworkers. Since i didn't know what to do or even who to ask I ended up talking to that coworker. They worked at a sort of family restaurant so i went there pretty often, and one they i just told him i knew about their thing and straight up asked what i should do. I don't remember exactly what he said, but i know he was really nice to me and adviced i stayed quiet so as not to hurt my father. While it made sense to me, i spent around a year feeling bad for my father whenever i saw mom leave for work or stay there late. Then, one of the days mom stayed for the night at the reataurant, my father brought home another woman. It made me have a sort of epiphany. I started thinking that they knew, and after some very productive internet research, i figured they were simply in an open relationship. As i grew older i realised this wasn't the case. The two pieces of shit somehow managed to put two and two together after years and noticed i knew so they started using me to cheat more efficiently. From around my 15th birthday, they started trying to get me to make excuses for eachother, ask one of them to go out for the day when they wanted the house alone, and even fucking arrange meetings with their side pieces. They're both some of the stupidest people i have ever met, but they somehow believe they're geniuses. I think this is what brought them together, they enable each other. But it also meant they were so busy thinking they were cheating gods to realise the other was doing the same. At some point i stopped helping them, but i never said anything. It was such a normal thing that it never even crossed my mind telling them. Last year i started uni and moved away, which meant they had to deal with each other on their own. I figured divorce was coming, didn't expect them to last long without having me around to keep them at peace. You know the way two toddlers have to be kept under adult supervision to make sure they don't like, throw each other at upcoming traffic? That was what i had been doing ever since i can remember, stopping them not only from making the other mad, but also separating them whenever they had a bad idea that the other would enable. I was right, they are going to divorce, and they decided to anounce this at a family gattering a couple weeks ago. There was a very funny silence when they said it, and it was broken by them starting to fight and trying to get the other to look bad. My mother was Oh so hurt by his cheating, and my father was oh so hurt by hers. I couldn't help but laugh, it was ridiculous, that shit looked like children acting out a telenovela. When i said that yes, i knew, they both had been doing it for more than 7 years there was silence. I didn't find this one funny. They got so mad at me. Started screaming that i ruined their marriage, that they could have worked it out if they knew sooner, that how could i have done this to them, bla bla bla. I left and just went to my apartment. I think they only found out about recent cheating and they might have been mad because outed all those year, plus aparently i've "been playing both sides". This two weeks since then i have been recieving calls from everyone in my family, a lot of them are just puzzled my parents would do that, others know them and are telling me that they're sorry for me. It seems unanimous though, that i am an asshole for not saying anything earlier. Personally i just think that they deserved it. You're telling me that they could peacefully cheat, but not be cheated on? It's wild. They're both dickheads in may ways, and they're perfect for eachother. The fact that they got divorced the moment they knew about the other cheating just proves me right. They wanted it to be hidden, they wanted it to be behind the other's back. Not one single other person in this world deserves to deal with either of this two, they need to stick together to keep them from hurting others. I don't really know what to do. They haven't talked to me at all in this two weeks, the only contact we've had has been through other people. I've never spent this long without talking to either of them. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14dmmln/update_i_have_known_my_parents_were_cheating_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 19, 2023** Let’s start this the typical reddit way, thank you all so much for the support and comments, most of them gave me so much courage to just step away from the situation. The ones that didn’t were those that mentioned how different I was from my parents or how glad they were I didn’t turn out like them. Those comments made me feel guilty, because I might actually be just like them. Not in the cheating way, that’s fucking disgusting, but in the manipulative pos way. Even thought, I doubt either of the dumbasses have the ability to properly manipulate anyone but a child. So, actually getting to what happened. I went on ignoring everything for a couple days, it’s exam season after all. I wanted to take full advice from here, I just didn’t know who I could talk about this with in real life. But on friday I was talking to a professor and mentioned all of this. She told me that I should look into possibly taking them to court for psychological damages and that sort of thing. That same day I got an email from my dad’s lawyer requesting a dna test. The cousin I’ve kept in contact with all this time told me that my dear mother admitted to cheating before I was born, so I may not be my father’s child. Honestly I don’t give a shit, in fact I’ve been looking into changing my full name and transferring to another uni far away from here, so didn’t care, but coupled with my professor’s idea it made me realize something. I could fuck them up a little bit. A lot of people think revenge is stupid, I think it only is that way if you let it consume you. I spent a night awake planning this but it ended up being so easy. I replied to the email from the lawyer, but not to him. I replied to a joint account my parents had, told them how I didn’t see them as my parents (regardless of biological bonds, so I would not be taking the test), how I was waiting for their divorce, how much better it’d be like that… It just went on. I know they read it, because I got responses from both of their lawyers. Fuck, it made me so mad that even after reading all that shit they didn’t talk to me. Then, on saturday evening I had lunch with my uncle (mom’s brother and dad’s best friend) and his wife. They were supposed to be on my side, they were the ones who told me they were sorry for me. I told them about how I planned on taking my parents to court so that they would have to at least still pay for the rest of my degree, but I also told auntie how I was planning on posting about all they’d done. I asked them not to tell my parents, and “confesed” how I had been planning their divorce so that I could get money on advance, without waiting for either of them to die. It almost made me sick, saying all this bullshit. But it worked, not even a day later and the entire family was turning against me, even my cousin seemed a bit put off but she lives for the drama I guess, so she still talked to me. A fucking family full of rats, not a single trustworthy soul. I mostly confirmed it to some of the people who talked to me, telling them about how I really wanted the money and couldn’t care less about my parents. I was contacted by the lawyer, now apparently “their” lawyer, and with the help of my professor we crafted a contract were they would give me right now enough to finish my education (it was way more than just “enough”, but I wanted it to be as bad as possible), we wouldn’t have contact again and I would give up the right to sue them for this reason in the future. It took them two fucking days to announce they’d be renewing their vows, now this time “without a devil by their side”. They said that they could work through anything if they had each other. They have each other, but they don’t have me anymore, that’s the curse they’re disguising as a blessing. I know for a fact that they won’t divorce now. They already tarnished they’re perfect little reputation by publicly admitting that they cheated, but they fucked with they’re own egos by going back on their word and not actually divorcing, there’s not a single possibility now that they admit they were wrong again. They cursed each other when they met, they passed the curse onto me and now they took it back. They are, once again, getting stuck in a loveless marriage that’s filled with hate and resentment, but this time around they don’t have a middleman. They’re going to make themselves miserable, and I’m so happy about it. Sure, they may have taken being a little girl away form me with their bullshit, but I sure feel like one now, watching with glee as the two people I resent the most bind themselves to one another permanently. The best part is knowing that, if they were at any point even remotely decent people, they could so easily get out of this. But no, they never will, because they’d rather rot in that misery than admit they fucked up. They got exactly what they wanted. They’re the victims, the poor souls who were soooo in love that they couldn’t see through it. It’s perfect, at this point it’s too late for them to do anything, even if they do realize what I did. What are they going to do? Admit they’re not the victims? That I played up how bad I was to make them look better? That there’s no real love there? No. They wont. They will not realize, because right now they’re riding the high of getting what they wanted, and by the time it fades away they’ll be like two bulls in a pit. Too busy fighting to think about anything else. If they do realize, they won’t tell. Why would they? Who would even believe it when all I’ve done is try to prove them right? As for me, my professor has been a life saver. She helped me gather the paperwork I needed to transfer to another uni and got me in contact with the amazing lawyer who helped me write that contract. I needed it to be a contract, if we had gone to court over this I would have had to deal with this fuckers for so much longer. On top of that, well, a contract that seems entirely made by me makes me look so much worse than a decision made by a judge. Right now I’m trying to focus on passing all my finals, but I’ll update again if I happen to be wrong and they do divorce. I’m sorry to those who assumed I wasn’t like them. I wanted them to suffer the way I did, and I truly believe dealing with each other (or having to admit they were wrong) is they worst suffering I could inflict on them. So yeah, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

I have known my parents were cheating on each other for years, they found out and got mad at me

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1544g1d/i_have_known_my_parents_were_cheating_on_each/

154c9f6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/birthdayfrien **AITA for helping a friend in a bad situation on my wife’s birthday** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14xyyhk/aita_for_helping_a_friend_in_a_bad_situation_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 12, 2023** [Recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14xyyhk/aita_for_helping_a_friend_in_a_bad_situation_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) I (28m) have a friend called Sarah (28f) whom I’ve known since childhood and has been there for me my whole life I owe her my life and she’s always been my go to when I’ve problems, I want to make this clear romantic feelings have never been involved we have a brother/sister relationship My wife (29f) has never liked Sarah since I had her as best woman at my wedding she calls her a pick me. She went as far to suggest I cut her out of my life when she became pregnant with her first child but we worked through it in couples therapy. Their relationship got better when Sarah got married last year but unfortunately Sarah’s husband just up and left a pregnant Sarah which has made her mental health spiral Since Sarah has always been their for me I’ve stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth (she grew up in foster care No family) My wife has become extremely hostile to Sarah which has caused fights, to make up for not being there as much as I should I planned a special birthday for my wife a whole day and night being treated like a celebrity with fancy hotel,dinner in an expensive restaurant,shopping trip and spa Unfortunately Sarah went into labour six weeks early and rang me in a bad state begging me to come to the hospital because she was scared, I told my wife everything and she started to freak out saying it was her day Sarah wasn’t going to ruin it I told her stop being childish we can celebrate another time or she could ask a friend to go Than she told me don’t come home without a paternity test which hurt me I’d never do that too her but she wasn’t listening she just left without saying another word I’m currently with Sarah in the delivery ward (well getting a cup a coffee that’s why the story is rushed) I’ve been getting so many angry calls and text from both our families and friends unfortunately I tried getting in touch with my wife but I’m blocked on everything I feel Like helping a vulnerable person in a situation like this trumps a birthday but I still feel guilty **OOPs Wife Appears in the comments** **OOPs wife is** u/Adept-Appearance-718 [The Wife's Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14xyyhk/aita_for_helping_a_friend_in_a_bad_situation_on/jrq37tc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) >Hi warren this is your wife Ella I know you know I love listening to AITA stories on youtube while driving to work so maybe was your new way of trying to gaslight me >First off Melissa sorry Sarah doesn’t have anyone especially a husband because she cheated on him and doesn’t know who the dad is which even your own parents think is YOU >Love how you left that out the fact you claim to not blow me off but whenever we are together she has issues you can only fix like when I gave birth 7 weeks ago she ended up in hospital and wanted you to go to her you also most did if it wasn’t for my mom ripping you a new one >Sarah has no friends because she’s rude asf to all the women in your life for no reason and slept with or flirted with multiple male member of your group in a relationship or not >As for me hating after the wedding she told me at the engagement party I was a swallow air head who didn’t deserve you and insulted me in her best woman speech and yes I wanted you to cut her off when I found out I was pregnant because it came out around that time I found out your guy group passes her around like a cigarette >I realised tonight I was an asshole to no one but myself our whole marriage and I deserve to be treated better. >I’m currently out at nice restaurant with your mom and sister while your dad boxes up stuff to take to Sarah’s >I want a divorce and Sarah to be finally out of my life >Update before I leave this account >So the baby didn’t make it which is unfortunate Warren and Simon (Melissa ex) got into a fight in the hospital HE WAS CHEATING a few of warrens friend group reached out to tell me they slept together multiple times During the pregnancy too so no lie detector needed >Warren is still with Melissa at the hospital and is still trying to explain/beg don’t know why it’s over he can’t gaslight his way out of this >I’ve been talking to lawyers I’ve a good case and I’m gonna go for everything and I bet my ass Warren will end up moving in with Melissa than try to blame me as a bitter jealous ex guess she got picked in the end Again thank Reddit for everything **OOP REPLIED TO HIS WIFE** >Ella please just answer the phone and let me explain off Reddit I’ve never been unfaithful to you or love no other woman or will other than you the baby isn’t going to survive and I’m scared of what Melissa will do I will take a what tests you want lie detector paternity you name it but please put yourself in her situation I beg you please talk to me at least in a private message on here **OOP REPLIED TO HIS WIFE ONCE MORE** **OOPs wife** >you wanted to shame me on here and make yourself the hero because knowing you if everyone was on your side you’d show me the comments >So whatever you have to say say it to me in the comments I’m sick of your games and honestly if Melissa baby is in that situation the FATHER should be there but I guess he already is **OOP replied** >>I’m not the father I’ll book a lie detector test and I’ll take it on Facebook live if you want please Ella I beg of you on our kids lives I’ve never seen Melissa as anything more than a sister please believe me I’m trying to get in contact with Simon all night he won’t answer me I can’t leave her alone in this >>You’d know I’d alway pick you over anyone in this world I promise I’m trying babe **OOPs wife** >>>Warren the only you will be picking is A lawyer because I’m DONE!! your own family said they’d support me in the divorce >>>I’m not gonna respond anymore because you’ve ruined my birthday enough already stop calling your sister we are meeting up with some friends and going to celebrating my birthday/freedom >>>The kids are at your parents house so they’ll be safe so put all your energy into my ex sister wife also Jessica put cat crap in with all your stuff it was your dads idea >>>Thank you Reddit for all the nice comments and messages **~OOP ADDS LATER IN AN EDIT~** Edit to my wife in the comments Ella please just speak to me privately we shouldn’t be having this conversation on Reddit for everyone to see with have our 3 kids to think of I love you and I’ll always choose you I don’t want a divorce but my best friend needs me and the bio father won’t answer the phone I can’t leave her alone her baby isn’t going to make it please my love believe when I say I’m sorry I will fight to save our marriage just gave me tonight As for my so called family members mocking me and Melissa on Facebook the woman just found out she’s going lose her child please show some empathy **VERDICT: POST REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for helping a friend in a bad situation on my wife’s birthday

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/154c9f6/aita_for_helping_a_friend_in_a_bad_situation_on/

154qy8b

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/SusCyan. **They posted in** r/medicalschool. **Reminder: Do not comment on linked posts.** Interesting fact to cover spoilers: The average acceptance rate for MD schools in the US is 5.5%. Regularly one of the most difficult to get into med schools in the US is Florida State University with an acceptance rate of 2.1% in 2020. Trigger Warnings: >!assault, brain damage, hospital!< Mood: >!Overall the best outcome that can be hoped for the OOP, but still really sad!< Relevant terminology: M3 = third-year medical student; ICU = intensive care unit; EDH = epidural hematoma; SDH = subdural hematoma; ICP = intra-cranial pressure; AA = African-American [Original Post - Injured a patient, what do I do?!](https://www.reddit.com/r/medicalschool/comments/14tntop/injured_a_patient_what_do_i_do/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **July 7, 2023** First off somewhat a throwaway bc everybody in my school knows this now so I will say this may or may not be me. Okay so I’m an M3 male rotating on psych consults. Things have been fine the past 4 weeks until today we had a very threatening schizoaffective paranoid psychotic patient (mid 60s male). Over the course of the 20 min interview with my attending he was slowly creeping closer until eventually he lunged and swung his cane at us. I caught it with my hand and told him to let go, but when he did he sort of rushed at me and just out of reflex I shoved him back. Well he slammed his head on the ground and now is in the ICU with a EDH vs SDH and ICPs skyrocketing likely needing a craniotomy. The attending said she definitely would’ve been fired if she did that but then didn’t bring it up again. This was three days ago and nobody has said anything since, but now the clerkship coordinator and director want to have a meeting Monday with my attending and me. Any idea what I should say and am I gonna get in serious or any trouble for this? Less relevant but got my eval today and it was 4s/5s with no mention of it so I think that’s a positive sign. TIA **Relevant Comment From OP** Patient was super agitated and we were on guard for sure. Attending kept saying we need to leave but the patient started telling her he had more questions so she stayed. Only consulted for med recs. It was a pretty light shove, barely a push and he kinda tripped. I’m 6’ and this guy was a huge AA 6’6” guy. He swung that cane hard [Update - Update: Gave a patient a SDH](https://www.reddit.com/r/medicalschool/comments/14y2p40/update_gave_a_patient_a_sdh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **July 12, 2023** Sorry been really busy since I started my new rotation Monday. Haven’t been able to get back to the DMs and comments asking what happened. But had my meeting Monday morning and things are good. My attending totally threw me under the bus though and basically blamed me for everything pretty much. Fortunately the sitter from the day was also there and totally took my side. There’s no video recording of anything so nobody outside the encounter really knows exactly what happened. Never thought I’d say this, but my school admin team has been amazing. They’re supporting me and said I did what I have to do and they’re glad I wasn’t hurt. They seemed genuine too so I’m gonna take it at face value. The hospital people weren’t bad as well and said there were no mistakes on my part. A police report was never filed. Apparently the patient was on parole and is going back to jail at discharge for years. Also very cognitively impaired, was homeless and living on the streets, and has zero social support, so the chance of a lawsuit is low. Nevertheless, my school has said they’ll support me if it comes to that and they also have a lawyer I can work with. As for the attending, I honestly can’t stand her and hope she gets fired lol. She was truly awful after the incident and even during the meeting. Fortunately I’m done with the rotation and am not even at the same hospital as her. Thanks everyone for the support. I’m grateful things turned out the way they did. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB. I AM NOT THE OOP** **Editor’s note: Marking this as concluded, as it appears that OOP’s concerns regarding their future have been adequately addressed by their school.**

Med student instinctively defends self from aggressive patient with unexpected consequences

CONCLUDED

doctor_whahuh

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/154qy8b/med_student_instinctively_defends_self_from/

154rk2z

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/chicken_feetlover12 **I punched an autistic kid after he groped me and now everyone hates me** **TW:** >!SEXUAL ASSULT!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/143p0lc/i_punched_an_autistic_kid_after_he_groped_me_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 7, 2023** That grope was the last straw. I have known "troy" since nursery (kindergarten for Americans or just anyone) and he has always been babied. It was always his autism that made him who he was. I don't know why. But he always had a crush on me. I rejected him gently multiple times but he never took no for an answer. As we grew older, he got worse. He started commenting on my chest. Asking to touch them. Asking to see them. His friends kept trying to convince me to show him because "nobody would be nice enough to give him a chance" And in year 7 (6th grade) he started groping me. I told teachers but they kept saying that his autism doesn't make him know any better. It was only me. He got jealous when I was in the presence of another guy. He would have meltdowns and I got into trouble because I knew how upset he would get. No I didn't. It was like my only purpose was to be his. I wasn't allowed to be my own person. The groping continued. I kept telling him to to stop. He didn't listen. I remember crying on the floor and teachers just kept saying that his autism makes him like this and that I am being a good person by taking care of him. His groping hurt. I don't know how to explain it. He just grabbed my chest and butt hard. And it hurt. The groping continued for 4 years. I was always his care taker, his girlfriend, his best friend, HIS. I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't take it anymore. It was hot and I wore a skirt, and he proceeded to put his hands up my skirt and groped my butt. I lost it and punched him around the nose. His nose got broken and unfortunately now I am getting put into isolation for 2 months for bullying an autistic kid. He's not a kid though. He's a 16 year old. He acts normal around his friends. He treats everyone else with respect. He's not a kid. Now everyone hates me. I have been receiving death threats and people have been saying he should have done worse. Now all I want to do is curl up and die. Maybe I should have been nicer. Maybe I should have been more sympathetic. Maybe I should have just accepted it. I could have been his only chance. For the record I don't despise autistic people. He is not a representative of them. He is just an awful person. Troy is just a horrible person. Thank you for letting me vent Edit: hi all. I didn't expect so much attention so thank you for the validation. Giving my context: His parents are prominent people in our community. His dad is a 3rd generation army something (idk) and his mom is known for always holding all of the stuff for kids. Like the summer fairs etc. She is also part of the school board and friends with the higher ups if you will which is why this happened at all. I wasn't "technically" his care taker because I didn't have to feed him, clothe him etc. I just had to be his friend. His dad is also friends with the police station (they go way back) so that's another reason why they didn't do much. Or just took a statement then wrote him off as mentally disabled. And the police here just suck ass here. Police officers have SA'd many women before here. They just get let off unfortunately Onto a semi update: Firstly, my parents will look into lawyers, we just couldn't afford one, and I was always to scared to get one. I guess it was because I have been so neglected, that I just thought nobody would believe me. However, my other relatives said that they would chip in and pay for a good lawyer. Meanwhile, my parents took me out of the school and I will stay at my grandma's for a while to recover. My auntie is also going to pay for my therapy. So I will enjoy that much needed therapy. Thank you so much for the kind words I hope you all miraculously wake up with more money in your banks accounts than you expected Edit 2: hi all I didn't expect this story to end up on tiktok so quickly. I would like to thank you all again for your words and thank you so much to those who have been reaching out to me. It means alot. Also would also like to point out that this is a throw away account, and I want to stay anonymous. But thank you all so much again for the kind words and comments. I realised that I was never in the wrong. That I am a person. Thank you. I truly hope you all have the best days ever. You all are amazing **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >>"is the kid cognitively challenged?" >Nope. He has "mild" autism if that makes sense. He's actually quite good around people. Just not me ig. >>"I would get law enforcement involved" >We tried to. They just didn't care because he is "mentally challenged" >My parents genuinely tried to do something but when everyone defends him, they believe the majority * >I mean when I usually say this story people automatically think I hate autistic people. I don't. Because autistic people don't do this. Horrible people do. Autism isn't the label for assulter. The label is sexual assulter. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/147ab92/update_i_punched_an_autistic_kid_after_he_groped/) **June 12, 2023** Hi all. Firstly I would like to thank you all so much for your kind words and messages. Thank you for your support and validation, your words meant so much to me. Also, i thought I would explain the whole "i hope you all miraculously wake up with more money in your bank account" comment. I heard someone in tiktok say this and thought it would be a nice thing to say as some people did question it in my messages. But yeah thank you all again. Before this update starts I would like to say that this all occurred like two weeks ago now. I just reached my breaking point and needed to vent. Hence why the update may be soon to some, this won't be the final update. But an update. I would also like to clear the air with my parents. Now unfortunately, my parents come from a country where this stuff is normal. Bot only that but I am partially to blame as I didn't say anything. Eventually I did tell them and they tried their best to help me. But they didn't know how. Though I do acknowledge their efforts, I am still going to be taking time to heal from them as well. My entire family also had a go at them and expressed their disappointment. The best thing for now is for me to spend some time apart from them. So to begin. I left the school. After my parents had heard that I got into trouble seriously because of troy again, they basically thought it was time to pull me out. I am due to start my new school in two weeks. I have also been trying to settle at my grandma's house as I just needed a fresh start with fresh people. To be honest, I have never felt so free. I have had to deal with that torment for years and years. So now I can enjoy the pleasure of walking home and not seeing him or bumping into him. So I feel great. Onto the serious stuff: As I had mentioned, my family basically decided to pay for a lawyer, and we are now hoping to have a lawsuit against basically everyone involved. My grandma also had a go to put nicely with the school's board for basically allowing nepotism to harass other girls. She called all of the teachers a disgrace for endangering not only me but other people and saying how none of the teachers who allowed this deserve to even step foot into a school. This experience has also not been all sunshines and daisies. After the suit was claimed or made (idk) my parents got letters and messages basically asking for the case to be dropped. My parents obviously said no. But it still didn't stop the harassment. I eventually got harassed too. All of the people giving me death threats decided to go into graphic detail on what troy wanted to do to me. Spoiler, it wasn't great. And Troy's parents showed up on my doorstep demanding to see me and talk to me and how troy is ready to apologise. Thankfully by then my uncle and I had been on the way to my grandma's house. However, my parents obviously didn't let them in regardless and said that if they want to communicate it had to be through a lawyer. The harassment didn't stop. And eventually troy sent me a message on a burner account detailing all of the things he was going to do if "got the opportunity to" and that I should be grateful that I managed to walk away with "just a groping". Troy also kept spewing on about how I am nothing but a whore or slut etc. And I should be grateful someone so popular even looked my way. He kept saying how if I had just let him fck me, he wouldn't have groped me. However, I know if I did that I would no longer be myself. I would be his property forever. The thought of that makes me want to vomit. Also his logic doesn't make sense to me. Anyway, I just got receipts and blocked him. I also asked my parents to help me change my number. And I did. My grandma being the person she is decided that wasn't good enough and got me a whole new phone. She claims it's compensation for my trauma. Thanks grandma. I am starting therapy the day after tomorrow and I am hoping to start family therapy in August as truthfully, I don't know if I am mad at my parents or should be mad. Like is it my fault for not saying anything? But that's all the update I can give you for now. The lawsuit will be a whole other process and hopefully if I remember I can update you all again. Thank you so much for your words. I truly appreciate all of you. I hope this update is clear enough for you and apologises if you made it this far lol. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I punched an autistic kid after he groped me and now everyone hates me

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/154rk2z/i_punched_an_autistic_kid_after_he_groped_me_and/

154s6ph

**I am not the OP, the OP is u/hypoxia32** I think I remember seeing this post on here before but I can’t find it no matter what I search for and I’ve seen others requesting it in the thread so thought I’d make a post for it. Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 and u/Impressive-Cricket-8 for helping me find it. Not adding a fact because I think this is long enough to block spoilers and I can’t think of a good one. Warning: >! Infidelity !< Mood spoiler: >! Not particularly positive but OP seems okay with the outcome & his decision !< **[Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/37ir4i/me_25_m_with_my_wife_23f_she_informs_me_at/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)** 27th May 2015 The time frame is important here. We have been married for 3 years. We were together as a couple for 2 years before that. So we've been together for about 5 years. Two weekends ago her sister got married and of course my wife was in the wedding party. So as you would expect she spent the two weeks prior to the wedding helping her sister get everything ready. No big deal at all, she kept me informed and I knew this was going to happen. She took that Wednesday - Friday off of work to help her and in fact stayed with her three days. I certainly know her sister but I barely know the guy who is now my brother in law, in fact only met him a few times but he seems nice enough. I show up Saturday morning a few hours before the ceremony in hopes of stealing just a few minutes to see her, not wanting to intrude on the day since I know she is busy but I hadn't seen her since Tuesday. She see's me outside of her parents house and sends her brother out to tell me that she will come out and see me at the car. Which I thought was odd but whatever. She finally comes out and sits in the seat next to me and gives me a kiss but instead of acting happy to see me or whatever she tells me that she has to talk to me and she doesn't want it to ruin her sisters day. She informs me that at the reception (if I still want to go) I might hear some things about the best man and her and she didn't want it to be awkward or weird. I just kind of sat there stunned. She said that about 4 years ago she had a fling with him and that it didn't mean anything but she was aware that by nature I'm somewhat jealous and she wanted me to know in advance so that if I heard something that I wouldn't be surprised. Again I just kind of sat there, this was not how I thought my morning would go but I told her I appreciated knowing it and that it certainly wasn't a big deal now. She went back in the house and I went to eat lunch and decided to meet her at the church. As I'm eating and reading my phone it dawns on me, she said she had a fling with him 4 years ago and we've been together 5. My first reaction was to blow it off and think that she just told me the wrong time but the more I thought about it the more I started to remember about a year and a half of us being together she had a phase where she was really sketchy about her behavior, wasn't available when she normally was and went on two weekend camping trips that were with friends from work. Of course I'm a little knotted up over this but I know I have a long day ahead of me. I go to the wedding and sit there watching everything. After the wedding they have a line that you walk by and congratulate the bride and groom and the wedding party is standing in line as well. My wife is standing with some other guy (I don't know him at all) but the best man was there and I just went down the line and acted like no big deal. Get to the reception and it takes forever for them to come because of photo's. She finally gets there and sits with me. I decided not to say anything as I didn't want to distract from the day. But instead of just letting it go she then tells me that each of the groomsmen and bridesmaids are going to dance and that she is going to be dancing with him. I ask why when she was not his partner for the party and she said that the maid of honor and her partner were actually married and wanted to dance with each other. At this point I'm a little more than perturbed but I try and not let it show. Thankfully I was smart enough to not drink because I freely admit I'm an angry drunk so I know when not to even partake. She talks to everyone around her and then the dance comes and he comes over and extends his arm and she gets up. I try not to watch and in fact I make it a point not to. She comes back with him in tow and they are joking like the best of friends. She decides that it would be a good idea to introduce us and while I didn't say to fuck off like I wanted to my greeting to him was probably than cordial. But it did not deter him from sitting and talking with her for a few minutes. The more they sat and talked and reminisced about old times and places the madder I got. Eventually I got up and went to the bathroom and when I came back he was gone. She decided to tell me that she thought I was rude which was not what I was all about hearing at the moment. I told her that this wasn't the time or place to talk about it but rest assured we would talk later. She sat there and then said that she was going to change cloths and as soon as she got back she was telling her sister that we were leaving because I had ruined her day but she didn't want me to ruin her sisters day as well. I told her that I was perfectly capable of not being a bother to her or her sister the rest of the day and that I did not want to be the cause of any drama so I would prefer to just stay. She went and changed clothes and then came back all in a huff. Now understand I have not said a word to her I even shook the other guy's hand. I guess I just looked miserable so that is what she was basing this off of. She was adamant about not staying and so I said that if she really wanted to go we could go but if she would rather stay I would be happy to stay or if she would like since I came in my own car I would leave so she could stay. She at first said that we should stay but then said if I couldn't act any better I should leave. I asked how I was acting and she said it was obvious I was trying to be like a silverback gorilla wanting to fight. I didn't know whether to laugh in her face or be offended. I went back in and sat down while she mingled with the other guest. I talked with her brother for awhile but then ultimately ended up back at our table talking with her grandma. We leave at the same time and I arrived home just before she did. I was sitting in the living room waiting on her when she came in and did not beat around the bush. I simply asked her to retell me the story about this other guy and she said it word for word like before. After sitting and looking at her for a time I just said are you sure about the time frame and she said she was. I then reminded her that we had been together for 5 years so this "fling" was well over a year into our being together. What happened next I can't really put into words. Instead of being flustered or denying or anything she simply said "I know". So I asked her to explain and she tells me that they worked together and that it was just a physical thing and she felt like we weren't in a great place at the time and that she never had any feelings for him and never had any real intentions of leaving me, she just was having some fun for a few weekends. She said that it was probably a mistake on her part to tell me now but she didn't want me to get blindsided. I did not take this the way she thought I would I guess. We had a very large argument and ended when she told me I was being a child about all of this. That we were married and this happened way before that and our life together now has nothing to do with him or that time. Well two things. One I adamantly disagree about this has no bearing on us. She fucking cheated on me and doesn't even have the god damn decency to feel guilty about it. Two I hate being told I am childish when I get upset over something. It pisses me off to no end because that is her way of acting superior to me. I told her I needed time to think and she told me there was nothing to think about. We loved each other and this didn't change anything. That was two weeks ago and I still am not over it. She has been trying the past few days to get me to talk to her but I admit that for whatever reason I'm not viewing her the same as I did before this. Part of me is like that this is stupid, it happened a few years ago and we are married now and there hasn't been any problems at all. But then part of me is like I just found out she cheated on me and it hurts like a mother fucker and what makes it worse is that instead of trying to understand how I feel she is trying to guilt me into just not even thinking about it. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for the length I probably should have cut out some of the wedding stuff but it all came out at once. **tl;dr**: Wife had a "fling" when she was my girlfriend, thinks I should just be okay with it but I'm not. **[(update)Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/387179/updateme_25_m_with_my_wife_23f_she_informs_me_at/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)** 2nd June 2015 First I want to clarify something from my first post that I really did not spell out very well, it doesn't have any real baring on anything but for some reason it bugs me that I made this part sort of murky. The maid of honor (not my wife) was married to the groomsman who my wife walked down the aisle with. There were some people who felt my wife was trying to arrange the dance but I do know for fact that this part was legit, however it doesn't mean she didn't try and offer to let them dance or any other form of manipulation but I just wanted to try and clear that part up a little. I'm here because I have gotten honest to God over 40 request for an up date since last week. Thank you for your guys concern on this and I wish I had some really ballsy statement to make about how I stood tall and kicked her to the curb but sadly that is just not what happened. To be blunt I'm in limbo. There have been developments but all they have done is make it harder for me to decide. Last week I was mostly angry then as the weekend progressed I became mostly sad. I want to be able to hate her and flip that switch that tells me I'm being walked on and am a sucker but it's just very hard for me to do that because I still love her and this is ripping me apart. Here is what has happened of any consequence. She finally came to the realization that I was not going to just get over this. This then brought her to the realization that I might want out of the marriage. This then brought on a near nervous breakdown from her. Someone (hell a lot) from the first post stated that she would try and manipulate me like that and believe me I was taking those words to heart when I thought she was having crocodile tears. But it soon became apparent to me that she wasn't acting or faking, she was having a legitimate panic attack. This led to an E.R. visit and that led to an overnight stay in the Hospital and then to new medications and a scheduled follow up with her Doctor for later next week. This brought her family into it and that in turn led to long conversations all the way around. When we got home (with her family in tow) I asked what she wanted to do since there was a house full of people and she said she wanted to be with her Mom for awhile. That was fine with me as I had no desire to hang around all day with her Dad or Sister so I said I was going to go finish up something at work and would be home later. Two hours after I get there I get a text from her begging me to please come home and that she really needs me to talk with her. So I finish up what I was doing and head home. I am greeted on my own front porch by her Dad who asks if he can talk to me for a minute. My anger level was already somewhat high but I was ready to go to war if she had dumped a shit sack of lies on me with her Dad. I mean its not like he and I are best friends and shit but I've never had a bad moment with him so I really wasn't going to be happy about being the bastard who broke his baby's heart. We set on our deck chairs and he fucking floored me with his opening salvo. I was expecting to hear anything but what he said. He said that she told them what had happened and that he wanted to apologize to me because he said that he felt like he did a really shitty job as a parent and that this mindset that she had was really a creation of her mothers and that while he loved both of them he said they were wrong and he had told his wife years ago that telling the girls that whatever happens before marriage doesn't count was a horrible idea and value system to install in them. He then said that he wasn't there to stand up for what his daughter did but he just wanted me to be aware that what she was saying and how she was acting was simply because she honestly believed that being married was an entirely different life and that they (Mom & Dad) had romanticized marriage to the point that she wasn't understanding real life. Basically he was kind of throwing his wife under the bus but again this is not what I was expecting at all. We shook hands and he said that no matter what I decided he still thought very highly of me, which honestly made me feel really good for that moment. I then went inside and my wife is curled up in a ball on her Mom's lap and you can tell she has been crying the entire time I've been gone. Mom gets up and comes and hugs me and tells me she is sorry and that she loves me and she is praying that we can work this out. My wife is laid out on the couch at this point. Her Mom and Dad leave and she sits there looking at me and crying. Ok, this is where I'm going to piss off everybody and just tell you that I couldn't take it. I went to her and we hugged for a long time with her telling me over and over how sorry she was. Hey I know it was the weak thing to do but again I have to say in my defense that just before this incident occurred I loved her with all of my heart and would have done anything to not see her in pain, whatever she had done I still didn't want to see her like that. Look it's very possible that she was putting on an Oscar worthy acting job, but I don't honestly think so. She really seemed broken at that point in time. After awhile when she calmed down I asked her what she wanted me to come home and talk about and she said she wanted to get everything out in the open so I didn't feel like I was being lied to or manipulated. So she wanted me to ask her questions and I wish I had written down a list but I came up with a few off the top of my head. She was brutally honest with me and some of the questions I asked I probably shouldn't have because now the mental image is stuck in there but honestly it was there anyway I just now have confirmation. First I asked for dates or at the very least approximate dates (I didn't tell her about the engagement concern I had because I didn't want her to change story's) and she remembered exactly when they occurred. Fortunately this happened a little earlier in our relationship than she told me initially and so we were not engaged when this happened. I can't tell you what a relief that was because I became physically ill when I thought about that when someone said it in my last post. Second I asked how many times. She went over board with this because instead of just telling me how many different dates she decided to tell me how many times there was penetration (she wasn't doing it to be mean she honestly thought that is what I wanted to know). This part of the conversation did not help me any at all and in fact almost broke me down. In truth it wasn't that often and in fact there were really only 3 different days it happened on but there were several times during those three days. Then came the hard part. Why did she do it? Okay again I'm not the most manly of men and I am ashamed to admit this but I couldn't get this out without starting to cry. I asked why wasn't I good enough, why him, why did she not just leave me. It was her turn to hold me because at this point everything came rushing at me. Her telling me, me having to watch them laugh with each other, her now telling me how many times they did it and where they did it. She talked during this but to this moment I have no idea what she said. I was to upset and honestly nothing she was going to say was going to make a bit of difference anyway. But after I composed myself I simply told her that the betrayal was horrible but honestly her response to me when I found out was just as bad if not worse. She agreed with me and she apologized for calling me immature. She said that she honestly believed that it wouldn't matter to me now because we were married (when she said this my blood started to boil again). I started to say something about it but she jumped in and said that after talking with her parents she now sees that this was very wrong of her and that cheating is cheating but she still feels like that our happiness that we have shared since being married should count for something. I then replied that I kind of felt like that happiness was built on a lie. This led to another break down on her part and almost another E.R. visit. But between Ativan and having her breath into a paper sack we got her calmed down. I let her sleep the rest of the night feeling like emotionally we were both tired but come Sunday we were talking again. By this time I wasn't as sympathetic as I had been when we got home from the E.R. I told her that I thought her introducing him to me was shitty, me having to watch her dance with him was extra shitty and the fact that she only told me because she was going to get caught was an elite level of shitty. Which then I demanded to know why did she think I would find out and how many of the fucking people at the wedding knew besides me. Well obviously the guy knew, but then his best friend in the world also knew (did I mention that fucker is now my brother in law) which then led to her sister finding out and she was afraid her sister was going to be the one to tell me. I asked how often she see's this guy and she said that the wedding is the first time she has seen him in 3 years. Then I lost my shit and asked her if she fucked him during any of the lead up to the wedding. She got all pissy about it acting like she wouldn't fuck anyone because she was married and I just lost my shit and had to leave for awhile because once again I felt like she was living on "Married Planet" or some such shit and the world there is a different place than for the rest of us. I finally got cooled off enough to come home and try and be civil about things. She finally asked me what she could do to help me get past all of this, which may not sound like much but it was the first time she offered to help me really so it was at least a nice gesture. I told her I wasn't sure what she could do or if there was anything either of us could do and that I may never get over this. She said that she wanted to help because she didn't want to see me in pain and that over the years she hopes I'll be able to judge her based on who she is now. She would do anything I wanted to work this out. She also wanted to be sure that I knew that she has been 100% faithful since we've been married and would never cheat on her vows. I sarcastically thanked her (which I admit wasn't the most mature thing to do). I then asked for a moratorium from further talks till at least Wednesday. I have two projects I have to get done and honestly I'm just exhausted and no I have no fucking clue what I want to do. I shift between periods of red hot anger where I want to kick her out and then periods of deep emotional turmoil where I want to just forget this and move forward with her. Yes I know this is not what anyone wanted to hear and no I'm not proud to type it but it is what it is at the moment. **tl;dr**: Wife finally realized this was serious and then had near nervous breakdown resulting in hospitalization. Long talks ensued. **[2nd update)Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long](https://imgur.com/a/3B40dqK)** (Original post was deleted hence the screenshot.) June 4th 2015 I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the responses I have received over this. I have gotten over 400 private messages and I just can not respond to all of them or any of them anymore as it would take me a week to do that. I want to thank all of you who have written to me and those of you who this struck a chord with all I can say is that I'm sorry you had to go through this as well. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I do want to say one thing though as the vast majority of the people contacting me via p.m. were all afraid to bring up their point of view in the open for fear of being harassed. I have honestly taken both points of view into consideration and there has been some great advice and some not so great but I think people's hearts are in the right place. I just wish that if people disagreed with each other they wouldn't feel the need to demonize a person because of a point of view. Okay for the hundreds of you that have been clamoring for an update here it is. As you know I asked to just drop it till last night so I could focus on a job related item I had to get done. She kept her word about it but I could tell she was very emotional and honestly nervous. She is taking some strong benzodiazepines for her anxiety but even as strong as it is I can still see how anxious she had been. I wasn't intentionally trying to punish her, in fact quite the opposite I really was trying to give her a break as much as me, but she told me last night that not holding her or showing any real affection towards her was almost torture to her. Well last night finally arrived and we had what my Dad always called a "come to Jesus meeting". I got home from work and I brought dinner so there would be no distractions of clean up or anything. We started talking around 6 and finally ended around 2ish. In that time frame we laid out a lot of issues that have been present and what or if we are both willing to do to move forward. Long story short starting today I am living with my brother for the next few (not sure). She is understandably upset by all of this and I am making an effort to communicate openly with her so she does not feel abandoned or neglected. If your wondering how we got from talking to me living with my brother here it is in a nutshell. I know this is not going to make several of you very happy but here is where I am going with this. I want to save my marriage, but I can't do it living what I feel was somewhat a lie. I know she never intended to lie once we were married but when I sat down and thought about this one question "would I have stayed with her if I had known at the time she did this"? Each and every time I answered "no". So to me she took away my ability to choose whether or not I wanted to continue and we built the next few years based on the foundation of something that wasn't quite true. However the truth is, we still built something. Sometimes foundations can be repaired and sometimes you have to tear them down to build new on. This is what I'm hoping to do. I'm hoping to shake things up enough for both of us so that we can start over. Like I said in the very first post, our marriage until this point had been what I would consider to be perfect or as perfect as any one thing can be. But there were some very troubling things that occurred due to this and here is a brief synopsis of our talk. I laid out the fact that while I absolutely was upset about the cheating and yes I still consider it cheating (which she has now come to realize that this is the way it is and is going to be considered) I was equally upset by her lack of consideration for my feelings on this. I told her that I resented being told I was immature and a child for something that objectively speaking I had every right to be upset about. Her response was to apologize and tell me she was in the wrong and that while she admits fault and see's what I'm saying that at the time she had convinced herself that because we were married that I was wrong to be upset about something that happened before hand but she now see's where this is wrong. I then told her that I felt very disrespected by her associating with this guy right in front of me and that I felt humiliated having to shake his hand. Her response was to once again apologize and she said that in her mind at the time she felt like she was trying to show me that there was nothing there. She said she felt like if she avoided him or acted shady around him that I would be more upset (I told her she was wrong). She said that out of all of the things this is the one that has hit her the most in the face because even her sister has told her how poor this was for her to do to me and she was deeply hurt by this because it had hurt me which she never wanted to do. I then talked about her lack of remorse over being with someone else while we were together. Her only response was to say that she was very sorry, how that at the time she just used very poor judgment and if she could go back and change the past she would. Then came the talk that got the most discussion. How I felt like she really wasn't sorry for anything but that she was just sorry that I didn't just shrug my shoulders and say that everything was going to be okay. That there were going to be repercussions for what I considered to be an act of betrayal and then an act of not caring about me. I'll give her full credit here, she was brutally honest about this and at least she was so we didn't have to spend hours trying to work our way around it. She admitted that when we got home after the event she started to realize that I wasn't going to let this go and then as time went on she knew that this was an issue. Her first instinct was to be mad at me for being mad at her. But then realized even from her own point of view how stupid that was. But again she had it beat into her head that she was my wife and that I should easily forgive and forget something that happened way before we were married. She also admitted that when it became real she frankly outright panicked thinking about losing her marriage. Nobody on either side of her family is divorced so she could be the first and she admitted to that being a big factor in her panic attack. But as the week has progressed and she has spoken more to her family she is seeing that what she has put in her mind about marriage isn't the end all be all she thought it was. She also did really feel bad about bringing the guy around to me. However you will notice which I did too that she never said she felt guilty about being with him. Now I want everyone to know this as well. What I have given you from above is a brief synopsis of events. She sounds like a robot in this version and believe me she was not. There were lots of tears, real honest tears (I've seen her "oh woe as me" tears before so I know the difference). There were a few curse words and there were even moments of pleading and begging. As I said this went on for 8ish hours so by the time we were done she was physically exhausted. I have set out the following steps if we are to reconcile and it is totally up to her if she wants to stay together. She is very very adamant about staying together btw. • I don't care how illogical it seems she is to never have contact with him again. This is an absolute for me and a deal breaker and I was absolutely clear on this. • We have to have couples therapy • While I am living with my brother we are still legally married and this is not an invitation or excuse for either of us to see anyone else. Again deal breaker in a second if either of us uses this as an excuse (believe me I will not and I don't believe she will either) • We start over, to a point. I have to view her differently now, even if I didn't want to I can't just forget that she chose to cheat. So that's where we are now. I know that is not what some of you wanted but ultimately I have to go with what I believe will make me happiest in the long run. My head say's be aware and I am going to guard my heart for a long time but my heart is still in love with her. We are going out on a date Friday night, which she is really looking forward to. I have no idea how long I will be with my brother, hell I may not make it past Friday, but if nothing else I feel like I have some control here which I felt prior to the talk I had almost none. In the end I held her for a long time and we slept together. I do not want a broken woman (right now that is kind of what she is) I want her to be my partner for life but I do want her to know that to be a partner she has to equally care about my feelings as I do hers. P.S. I had to do some real hard thinking about my new brother in law. Again I've only met him a few times and he seems like a nice enough guy but at the end of it all he certainly was aware of the issue. But just to keep peace in the family I'm going to not make a stink about him because that will certainly make every holiday tough going forward. As long as he never mentions the incident or the guy ever again to or around me I can live with it. EDIT: I poo poo you not, this post has been up for 40 min and I've received 21 comments but I've gotten already 28 p.m.'s I think it's just sad that people feel so intimidated by the group think that they won't post their views publicly. I am happy to get the advice and words of support but really nobody should be afraid to speak their mind. tl;dr: Wife and I had long talk, I am living with my brother but we are going to try and work this out. [Additional relevant comment from OP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3dirm7/3rd_updateme_25_m_with_my_wife_23f_she_informs_me/) Sorry I guess I kind of forgot to address this. It's not going to make anyone happy but here goes. The truth is she knew perfectly well that what she did was cheating, she has never denied that. However what she did do was think that being married was like crossing the finishing line and that basically she got by with it. She hid it because she knew if I knew it would be over, however where her shock was that if I knew it after being Married that I would still think of it as a big deal and ultimately could end the marriage. I'm not sure if I was plain enough so let me rephrase. She damn well knew it was wrong and that it would have ended us if I ever found out about it. However she thought that repercussion ended when we got Married, she genuinely was shocked that I still was counting it as cheating because it did not happen in the confines of holy matrimony. Yes believe it or not, even though she did this and has some other issues that would make you scratch your head she is devoutly Christian, as you can tell I am not. So while I think it's a crock of shit there is a very certain religious aspect into what she see's as marriage. **[(3rd update)Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3dirm7/3rd_updateme_25_m_with_my_wife_23f_she_informs_me/ct5nmig/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)** July 16th 2015 Thank you all who keep sending me messages of encouragement and wondering what has happened. For those of you who have asked me to give you an update, here is a brief one. I've been staying with my brother for a little over a month. I can not say enough nice words about him, he has bent over backwards to help me and I've come to appreciate him in a whole new way. Growing up we were close but never really close if you know what I mean. This has shown me that our bond is much stronger than I ever imagined it was. The big news is that I have delivered her with divorce papers. Now before those of you who wanted me to dump her jump for joy let me explain something. I went to a divorce lawyer and explained everything including the fact that I did not want to go through with the divorce but wanted everything in place just in case. He drew up a divorce decree and made three copies. One he kept on file, one for her and one for me. I decided to take the paperwork to her myself because I knew she would be upset and I wanted to explain to her what was happening. I gave her the paperwork in a manila envelope and explained what it was before she opened it. I also made very clear to her that I was not going to do anything with it unless we both failed to meet the conditions we both agreed upon. I explained that I was committed to us but I really needed to see that we were headed in the right direction and that this was only there as a standby in case she didn't think I was serious. Well this did not go over as well as I had hoped and in retrospect this was a mistake on my part. She had been doing everything in her power prior to that to live up to the agreement, we had been out on several dates prior to this that were great for both of us. In other words my timing sucked. My intention was good but it did make it look like I was not acknowledging the steps she was taking to make this work. This led to another giant anxiety attack that we could not get under control with her meds so off to the E.R. we went again. This time they gave her a shot and sent her home and we both agreed that we would keep her family out of it this time. I stayed with her for two day just to make sure she was ok. This of course came up in our counseling session and well let's just say that I came across looking like a manipulative asshole (which again in retrospect I was). I ended up taking my copy and her copy and tearing it up in front of her. She doesn't know there is a third copy but I plan on having him discard that as well. So now I pretty much feel like a monster because the look on her face when she got the divorce papers was something I never want to see again. She was so happy to see me that day and then I gave her that and then instant combination of sadness and terror. Other than that bump in the road things have actually been going very well. Well enough in fact that I am moving back home this weekend. My brother has been great but I am cramping his style no matter what he say's. It's been fun playing X-Box every night though I won't deny it. But mostly I am going home because she has done everything I have asked of her and I have put her through hell. I think she's paid a steep enough price and I know she knows how serious this was. Also in case I didn't mention this before, I do love her. She made a very stupid selfish mistake but it was years ago and she had been almost the perfect wife up until that discovery. So I'm sorry to disappoint many of you and I'm sure I will once again get many pm's telling me that I am a cuckhold and an embarrassment to all men but I don't live your lives and you don't live mine. So this should be it, there hopefully will be nothing to update going forward. We are not cured or healed by any sense of the imagination but we are on our way and it's just going to take time, patience and understanding. tl;dr: gave wife divorce papers with the intention of never using them. this blew up in my face, damage control ensued. ultimately I'm moving back in with her and we are working on things

OP’s wife admits to cheating thinking it doesn’t count since it was before their marriage.

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niv727

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/154s6ph/ops_wife_admits_to_cheating_thinking_it_doesnt/

154viai

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/theneighborspet **in** *relationships* mood spoilers: >!Happy!< --- &nbsp; [**I’m (M/21) in love with my best friend (F/20)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/83qg15/im_m21_in_love_with_my_best_friend_f20/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Mar 12, 2018 I’m from Sweden living in London, I met my soon to be best friend from Brazil here at university. We’re in the same class and are more or less inseparable. We have an insane chemistry, like a couple who’s been together for 20 years. I realized a few months back that I had gotten feelings for her and it keeps getting worse. Often we have moments where it feels mutual, where we might be relaxing in bed watching a series and getting real close. It kills me that I can’t show her exactly how I love her, knowing that she is extremely lonely, just like me. Without screwing everything up, what do I do? **TL;DR;** : I’m in love with my best friend who might love me back but I’m afraid to say something and ruin it. What can I do? ***Comments*** **rigoletta** - Mon, Mar 12, 2018 >Tell her! I have a similar story where I fell in love with a close friend. It was driving me crazy, so I finally told him. Turns out, he didn't return my feelings, but was really gracious and kind about it. It stung for a while, but it was ultimately what I needed in order to move on. We're still friends! > >Moral of the story is, just be honest. If she likes you back, that's great. If not, rejection will hurt, but it's what you need to hear in order to move on. Your friendship will survive it just fine. **OOP** - Mon, Mar 12, 2018 >>Thanks for your answer! I guess your right.. the only thing I’m afraid off is losing her altogether, since we are both “strangers in a new land”, and as we roughly only have each other, as friends or otherwise, we could both lose our only friend.. **rigoletta** - Mon, Mar 12, 2018 >>>If that's the case, it's all the more likely that your friendship will remain in tact, IMO. If you're worried, you can always tell her and follow up with the fact that no matter how she feels, it won't affect the friendship that you both already have. **stadiofriuli** - Tue, Aug 14, 2018 >>>And how did it work out? **OOP** - Sat, Aug 18, 2018 >>>>I spoke with her about a week later, and she completely understood. She had thought about us many times as well and had feelings for me back and forth. But we decided after a long talk to remain friends (for now) when we are still at the same university, if something were to screw up our friendship as it is now it would be miserable. We took a small break from talking as much as we used to but now we’re back to being our tight selves. My feelings still haven’t changed and I don’t know if they will, but the friendship is too important right now. We said that if the situation feels unchanged in the future/after university, we will talk again and see if we want to go further. >>>> >>>>All in all; not much has changed since before talking about it, except for having everything on the table and we feel free that we have finally exploited the elephant in the room, so it was worth it.  &nbsp; [**UPDATE: I got out of the friendzone**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/eoktfj/update_i_got_out_of_the_friendzone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue Jan 14, 2020 Two years ago I made a post that I was in love with my best friend. I was encouraged to do the dangerous thing and talk to her. We had a very honest conversation and she was very sweet about it and admitted that we did have something between us but we remained friends, with not speaking for a little while to begin with. As the months went by we both started seeing other people although I was still very much in love with her. Eventually both of us realised that we didn't want other people but only each other and a short time after that we got together. We have now been dating for 10 months and we are both extremely happy and are very much in love. Just wanted to make an appreciation post for the ones who made me talk to her and to anyone who is in a similar situation as I was, it actually is possible! TL;DR : Told my best friend I loved her, 1 year later we started dating and have been for 10 months EDIT: Wow I didn’t expect this kind of feedback, thanks to everyone for all amazing responses, and thanks for silver :) &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP's in love with his best friend, Tries to escape the friendzone

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/154viai/oops_in_love_with_his_best_friend_tries_to_escape/

154w429

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/rta776 **AITA for insisting my pregnant sister switch bedrooms with me?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13cgu71/aita_for_insisting_my_pregnant_sister_switch/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **May 9, 2023** Throwaway coz I don’t want it connected to my main. My sister and I (both mid-20sF, I’m a few years older) share a house together. It was our parents house and we both inherited it after they died. We have equal share/ownership of the house. The house has four bedrooms, one is the master room and has an ensuite and walk in wardrobe, the others three just have built-in robes. When we both moved back in after deciding that neither of us wanted to sell, we agreed that she could have the master suite, but the two largest of the other bedrooms would both be mine. One as an actual bedroom and the other as a gaming room for me. The last and smallest bedroom is a guest room. Her boyfriend’s been living here for a while and she recently told me that she’s pregnant. I’m not particularly looking forward to sharing a house with a screaming baby, but it’s her house too and she has every right to be here and raise her kid. Obviously, they baby will need a bedroom, and I was expecting that to be the guest room. It is the smallest bedroom in the house, but it’s still the same size as a standard bedroom. But my sister wouldn’t go for that. She’s insisting I move my stuff out of my games room so that can be that baby’s room. I told her that I’m not moving my stuff into the guest room, because that wasn’t our agreement, but then she informed me that actually, I won’t be able to do that either, as we would still need a guest room, especially with the baby coming as her bf’s family will want to visit. So I said fine, you can have my games room, if you move into my room and give me the master room. She started crying and said that as a mother, she’s going to need her own space and she deserves the master bedroom. I asked what she expected me to do, and she said I should just suck it up and keep ‘all my crap’ in my own room. We’re at an impasse and I can’t get her to come to a real agreement with me. She keeps calling me a ‘huge bitch’ and says that I should let her have both the master bedroom and my gaming room because she ‘needs them more’ her boyfriend says I should just deal with it, that because I don’t want kids anyway, I should just let suck it up. My girlfriend, who also spends a lot of time here, is on my side and says my sister is being a spoiled entitled little brat. AITA? Edit: she can’t buy me out, she doesn’t have the money. We each got some money along with the house, but she wanted a fancy Range Rover so most of hers went to that and she can’t get a loan because she’s only working part time at macca’s at the moment. I still have all of my money plus some of my own savings, so I will be having a discussion with her re buying her out. The house is located in a nice/expensive area, so what she gets from me for her half will be enough for her to buy an average three bedroom house in a cheaper area. Really really don’t want to sell if I can help it as house has been in the family a long time **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **OOP ADDED IN THE COMMENTS** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13cgu71/aita_for_insisting_my_pregnant_sister_switch/jjg6kt4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Hi it’s OP. Unfortunately, she doesn’t really have any money to buy me out. We both got some money along with the house, but she used most of hers to pay debts, go on a nice holiday and buy a car. I really don’t want have to have to sell as the house has been in the family for a long time. I will be standing my ground on this, and will not let her bully me into giving up my games room without getting something in return. I do have a lot of savings and can afford to buy her out tho, so if she continues to be difficult, I will consider offering to buy her share for slightly above market value. The house is in a really nice, expensive area, so what she’ll get from me potentially buying her out will be enough to buy her a nice three bedroom house in a slightly cheaper area. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Ok-Climate553** >INFO- why can’t you take the spare bedroom to use as your gaming room and give her your gaming room for the nursery? You should each get two rooms that seems fair to me! >Edit: NTA and you shouldn’t have to take the smaller room **OOP replied** >A) games room is a bit bigger than my bedroom, so if I gave her that and took the other two, I’d end up with the two smaller rooms and her with the two bigger ones, which is unfair >B) she won’t ‘allow’ me to have the spare room at all. We ‘need’ a guest room apparently. I know she can’t actually do that but she won’t accept that fact **ANOTHER COMMENT FROM OOP** Small update: decided to give both of us a few days to cool off before I talk with her about it again, but I’m gonna have a discussion with her about buying her out (and helping her find a new place to buy) over the weekend [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/rta776/comments/13i2j2i/aita_for_insisting_that_my_pregnant_sister_switch/) **May 15, 2023** Idk how to do an update on the aita sub, so ig I’ll just post it straight to my page for now. Hi guys. So this kind blew tf up. Was definitely not expecting it to get as big as it did. It’s ended up on tikitok, YouTube, Facebook and freaking Newsweek. My cousins saw it, my aunts/uncles saw it, my friends saw it, my gf’s family saw it and even my sister saw it. I know a lot of people were wanting an update, so here you go. So I talked with her over the weekend. She actually did apologise for being such a brat, which surprised me. I guess when she saw it on TikTok, she came here and read thru some of the comments and realised how unfair she was being. I made the offer to buy out her half, and I made sure to point out to her how nice it would be for her to be able to pick out a place for her family with her bf, and how special it would be to have somewhere that’s just their’s. She’s never really been fond of the style of the family home, she prefers more modern style architecture than the old fashion Victorian style that the house is, so I also pointed out that she could find something she really loved. I explained that I’d more more than happy to help her with everything, from actually finding a place to the actual task of moving itself. Like I said, the house is worth quite a bit, so she’ll be getting a lot of money for her half, and it will be enough to buy a house outright in a cheaper area, with some left over. (When I say ‘cheaper area’, I don’t mean a ‘bad area’, she’ll still be able to buy in a decent area, just not as nice as the current one.) She said yes!!!! She seems genuinely excited to start going house hunting, and I’m actually excited to go with her. We’re gonna talk to a lawyer next week to start get things moving, as we both agree that the sooner this happens, the better. I know a lot of people were talking about her poor money skills, and to be fair, she’s not the greatest with money. But she did have a better job before (not an amazing job, but she was making decent money) but she decided to leave when she found out she was pregnant and pick up some shifts at maccas for now, but she’s not sure if she wants to go back to her old work after the kid is born/gets a bit older. Re her bf, y’all were right in that he doesn’t pay rent, but he really is ‘between jobs’ atm, he was going to uni to be a sports teacher while working at a sport store. He finished his degree recently and left his retail job, but is looking for a teaching job still. So happy ending, yay! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for insisting my pregnant sister switch bedrooms with me?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/154w429/aita_for_insisting_my_pregnant_sister_switch/

154xwg2

**I am not the Original Poster. Original Post in** r/AmItheAsshole by an already deleted throwaway account *Reminder - Do not comment on linked post!* mood spoilers: >!dissapointment, annoyance, relief!< --- &nbsp; [**WIBTA if I reject my husbands "gift"?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14xbh6n/wibta_if_i_reject_my_husbands_gift/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, July 12, 2023 My husband (28) and I (27F) have birthdays during the same week. I am big on birthdays, so for my husband's, I often go all out, and he also does a great job with my birthday most of the time. I do not expect the same level as I give because I know I do a lot. For my husband's birthday this year, I threw a big party for him. People flew in from other states, and I got it catered, and it was so fun. I also spent a LOT of money and time on it. I was planning it for months. I also got him a very nice gift that is something he will definitely use. He showed everyone at the party because it really was perfect, lol. So my birthday comes. I wake up, and he's golfing. Then he gets home and tells me the plan for my birthday is to go to a bakery and a bookstore. I was starving, so we got brunch first. Then we go to the bookstore, and I left my credit card at work, so I had no money and asked if he'd get a book for me for my birthday, and he originally said no, but eventually he relented. Then we go to the bakery, and I got a coffee and a few treats. It was kind of a serve-yourself type of place, and every time I picked up an item, he got annoyed about the cost and made a comment. It was NOT an expensive bakery. The average item cost $2-3, and I got 3 items, lol. We also got a slice of cake to share. I went to the bathroom and got back, and he had eaten most of the cake. The day was very nice, but I was kinda sad about the lack of effort and then the constant complaining about the cost of things. (Now is a good time to mention we don't struggle with money in the slightest). So then he mentions my birthday present. I was very clear on what I wanted for my birthday -- tickets to my fav artist. And no, not Taylor Swift. I told him like 5 times. You could get very good seats for about $60-70 per person. So he tells me I'll get my gift on Friday, and it's an event, and he wants to keep it a surprise. And Friday is the day of the concert, so I got super excited expecting tickets. Well, long story short, I find out my gift is attending a baseball game. I was immediately annoyed because I HATE baseball (sorry, baseball fans). Everyone knows I hate baseball. And he also hates it! I would rather just not get a gift at all than pretend to enjoy sitting through a whole baseball game... So WITBA if I told him I don't want my "gift"? ***Judgement: Not the Asshole*** &nbsp; **UPDATE** - 1 day later I was not going to post an update, but my original post got a lot more comments than I anticipated, so I am. First, a clarification -- my husband did not tell me the gift was a baseball game. He keeps a list of reminders, and when I was cleaning, I saw a reminder that said "[My Name]'s birthday gift - get tickets, baseball game." So I had assumed it was a baseball game. Also, another thing I want to add is I absolutely LOVE surprises. Which is the reason everything surrounding my birthday was so hush-hush because my husband knows I love the anticipation. Anyways, he brings it up tonight, and I finally ask if he will just tell me what the surprise is. And it was NOT a baseball game, lol. It's an adventurous activity-type gift that I have been wanting to do forever. (I'm being purposefully vague because this is a throwaway). Think skydiving or bungee jumping. It also comes with dinner at my favorite restaurant. It's a VERY expensive date evening for us, as it'll cost over $1,000. And as much as I wanted to go to the concert, this tops it by 100. The reason the reminder mentioned baseball is that the activity doesn't run when there is a game. I also brought up my actual birthday, and he apologized for it. He told me he was so focused on planning the surprise and was treating that as my birthday celebration that he didn't realize I wanted him to plan something for my actual birthday. He scrambled and just picked out some of my favorite things to do. He also apologized for being very cost-focused and explained that he was concerned because of the cost of the real gift. We don't struggle with money, but we do have a budget we both make together and follow, and we also set limits for how much we spend on gifts and holidays. I'm sure a lot of people will still call him horrible and selfish, but it really was a bad case of him trying to plan a fun surprise for me and keeping it a surprise because he knows that's what I'd want, and me making assumptions and not communicating, and him not communicating because of the surprise. Very middle school sitcom. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the Original Poster!**

WIBTA if I reject my husbands "gift"?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/154xwg2/wibta_if_i_reject_my_husbands_gift/

154xwvj

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** (removed account) **in** r/TrueOffMyChest Mood Spoiler: >!Positive update!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14qr7lo/my_brother_in_law_called_me_the_one_who_got_away/) \- Jul. 4, 2023 **My brother in law called me the one who got away in his speech and my husband is very hurt and it is my all fault.** I don’t know what to do. I think I have done serious damage to my marriage before it even began. I met my husband thru his brother (Chris) who I had a crush on in college. I never was clingy or never acted on my feelings and I never really allowed myself to get too close to him because I knew that my feelings weren’t reciprocated. Chris knew however I had a crush on him or at least he felt it. He would always say that I was “gf material” and how he wouldn’t want to lead me on. He wanted to have fun before that. He would say this to others but even once to me. On two occasions he would text me that he had feelings for me, only to apologize later and retract his words but on Christmas four years ago he texted me that he was in love with me and wanted to take me out on a date. He said he was done playing around and wanted a relationship. He was invited to NYE party that my then roommate and I had. He told me he wanted to talk to me then. When he came to the party he had his brother with him. Chris spent the party going out of his way to ignore me and later I saw him making out with my roommate and they spent the night in her room. I decided there and then that I will drop it. Enough is enough. Next morning he told me that he fucked up (I fucked up big time yeah?)and he apologized. During the party I got to know his brother who was the opposite of Chris. He was shy and hated attention and he was just the best and soon after he asked me on a date. We are married now. Our wedding was last Wednesday. I want to make two things clear. I never went beyond a crush on Chris and only after I fell for my husband that I understood what love is. He is everything to me and I love him more than anything. I never told anyone about my crush and when I met my husband I didn’t tell him either. Chris wasn’t happy I was seeing his brother and he’s been cold towards me since. Even when it got serious between my husband and I. Chris held a speech on our rehearsal dinner and he basically outed everything and ended with how he regretted not asking me out sooner and how he will always regret it. It was very awkward afterwards and nobody talked and on our wedding day my husband did everything to act normal and he made sure everything was as planned but I could feel that he was hurt and angry. After the party he asked me if I loved Chris and if I dated him for that reason. I started crying because it’s absolutely not true. We started dating and became friends and I made sure it was him I wanted before committing and I never loved anyone like I love my husband. I told him all this and more and I apologized so much for not telling him everything. In the beginning I thought it was my own private matter and I didn’t feel the need to discuss it with a then “stranger” to me. When our relationship evolved I just never thought Chris was relevant and my crush seemed a silly thing. Now it’s back to bite me in the ass. My husband is very sad and he barely talks to me. We’re leaving for our honeymoon in two weeks. He barely speaks about it. The thing we both waited for with so much anticipation and longing. I don’t know what to do. I can’t turn back time so I don’t know what to do. \~\~\~ **Relevant** [**Comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14qr7lo/comment/jqokm84/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**:** *Tbh I never spend time with Chris. Not without my husband anyway. As I said Chris was probably not happy about our relationship and has been cold towards me since. We never discussed it. He never confronted me or mentioned it to me or my husband.* \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14z09hy/update_my_brother_in_law_called_me_the_one_who/) \- Jul. 13, 2023 **\[Update\] My brother in law called me the one who got away in his speech and my husband is very hurt and it is my all fault.** Hi again! Thank you all for the support and all the people who followed my page for an update. I have a small update, I was supposed to write it yesterday but I was exhausted. Yesterday my husband and I were invited to my in-laws for a cookout. When we arrived Chris saw us and tried to scraper (well nobody expected us to show up and my husband wanted to decline but I INSISTED we go). I caught Chris however and loudly said Oh I’m happy you are here because I want to talk to you. I said that since the people in this cookout were all in the rehearsal dinner I wanted them to listen to. Chris looked like he was about to cry but my father in law was grabbing his arm when he tried to excuse himself. I told Chris that what he did was a shitty thing that didn’t just hurt me but it hurt his brother even more and that the only reason I didn’t speak up was because I was in shock but also I didn’t want to ruin t our day by arguing back and forth with an arrogant and selfish man who always hid behind alcohol to explain his bad behaviors like he’s some tween. I told him that I never was the one that got away because he never had me. I never knew the real him and I liked his exterior like I was sure many people who didn’t know him well did. But if it ever would have evolved to something more I would have seen through his façade and since I know myself very well I would never have fallen for someone like him so I was never the one that got away. I told him that the only good thing about him in my eyes, the only redeeming quality is that he decided to bring his brother with him that night and even if I was very angry with him now I will always be thankful to him and I will always be grateful that I crossed paths with him because it led me to my husband. \-And for you not to even call to apologize to your brother for embarrassing him and hurting his feelings says a lot about how much you have planned to hurt him on his day. My husband was silent the whole time. The mood was a bit awkward for a minute after my outburst but then people were normal and some apologized for what happened and we ended up having a good time. When we got home my husband who’s been sleeping in the living room almost every night hugged me and kissed me. The first time he kissed me since the I do. I felt my anger building up again and I had another outburst. I told him that we weren’t okay and that he never has the right to shut me out and give me the silent treatment for so long ever again if he wanted to stay married to me. He said “I know” and that he regretted his coldness. We made love for the first time as a married couple (and second third and fourth) and then I fell asleep in his arms in OUR bed. After two outbursts on two brothers in one day I felt content and I slept very well. This morning my husband woke me up with kisses and hugs and he apologized for hurting me and taking out his anger on me. He said the shock was too great for him and he was afraid that I didn’t love him and just settled for him because Chris is the charmer and always had it easy to be loved by people. He thought something more happened and he didn’t dare to ask me because he wasn’t mentally prepared to hear that the love of hi life maybe wasn’t his. He looked his old cheerful self that I missed so much. I just wanted to cry but I didn’t. We discussed therapy and we are planning to start looking for a therapist after our honeymoon but for now I just want to snuggle him and feel his love. He has a lot of making up to me to do! I hope this counts as an update. Good night **edit: many asked about Chris’s reaction; he just cried and mumbled that he had somewhere to go and left. No apology or anything. Wasn’t expecting that either.** **MIL was angry with me but I was just so angry everything just came out** **edit2: To all who are saying I’m avoiding questions about my husband. I already addressed everything in my first post. I will always regret not telling him and I will always be sorry for hurting him. My outburst on Chris wasn’t the first time my husband heard my truth. I have been apologizing and begging since our wedding. He only talked to me after the cookout when he felt sorry for me. When I wrote about him making up to me it was mostly a joke about depriving me of all affection and sex but also because giving the silent treatment is really hurtful. He agrees what he did wasn’t the greatest way to handle it. We will work on our way to communicate. We love each other and we are fine** \~\~\~ *Note: OOP's account has since been deleted (suspended?) so unfortunately this is as much as we're gonna get. Just have to hope for the best!* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

My brother in law called me the one who got away in his speech and my husband is very hurt and it is my all fault.

CONCLUDED

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/154xwvj/my_brother_in_law_called_me_the_one_who_got_away/

1559sjb

**I am NOT OP.** The original was sent to Alison at Ask A Manager. Per Alison's request, only the letter and updates are posted to Reddit. Her advice to OP is available in the post title links. Estimated Reading Time: \~8 minutes Alternate Title: OP is the recipient of nuclear revenge. trigger warnings: >!infidelity, job loss, child at risk for collateral damage in adult disputes!< mood spoilers: >!depressing, startling. Some of you will feel happy or vindicated.!<   [**I had a one-night fling with my new boss’s then-husband**](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-had-a-fling-with-my-new-bosss-then-husband-my-team-isnt-using-the-gift-cards-i-gave-them-and-more.html) \- April 2017 The company I work for is going through a merger with two others. Some people have taken retirement, but other than that no one has been let go. Locations and departments are changing, and people are moving around and being promoted. I am about to have a new boss. We have a history. I used to work with my new boss’s husband. We had a one-night fling and somehow she found out. She divorced him and it was not amicable. I have a child with her ex-husband. The two of us share custody, but we’re not together and have never been beyond that one time. I was dragged into the divorce proceedings and she went out of her way to humiliate me. She is still angry about it and she took her ex-husband to the cleaners. I asked HR if there is any other job I could take but they said there isn’t. They also say my concerns are not valid because my new boss is a professional. I can’t afford to be without a job but I also can’t have her as a boss. HR has said their decision is final. They won’t give me another job or let me go, and if I quit I can’t get unemployment. What should I do? Do you have any advice as to how I can convince HR to change their minds?   [**Update #1**](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/05/update-i-had-a-fling-with-my-new-bosss-then-husband.html) \- May 2017 I ended up quitting rather than working for her. I appreciated your response and all of the kind responses in the comments, but there was no way I could work for her when the company had clearly sided with her right off the bat, and when she still had it out for me after all this time. Before she started her management position, she was here for a meeting. She saw me by the elevators and said the universe must be on her side since she was offered a chance to manage one of the people who had “shattered” her life before. There were no witnesses to this conversation and I knew then I had to get out before she took over. I wish I could say I have found another job and everything is great, but that is unfortunately not the case. I had to move in with my mom and dad. I’m working as a temp until I can find a permanent full time job. I did have an interview but the hiring manager “saw red flags” when I was unable to provide a current reference from either job I have had in the past (the one where I worked with the father of my child and the one I just quit) and only had a single reference for 12 years of work in the form of my now retired former manager. They ultimately decided to go with another candidate. Another company I applied to “decided not to move forward with my candidacy” after they called both of the companies I had worked at in the past even though I didn’t have any references from either one. I don’t know what they were told but I imagine it cannot be good as I have no friends at either place and did not leave on good terms. The father of my child is also working temp jobs. He has had a tough time finding work since his divorce. He is also living with his mom and dad. Neither of us has a car, I cannot afford it and his ex-wife got his in the divorce, so we rely on public transportation or our parents. Things have always been amicable between us, we have always shared custody with no child support because of the equal time, but for now our child stays with whichever one of us or our parents/other relatives are available for child care and we try to help each other financially as much as possible so our child isn’t affected (he is still dealing with the fallout from his bankruptcy and his ex-wife having his wages garnished instead of accepting a payment plan). Both of us are focused on getting back on our feet and giving our child a stable life. I’m thankful we both have family who helps whenever they can. Even though things aren’t going great at the moment, I still want to thank you for your response and the perspective you provided and all of the people in the comments who were kind and supportive. I go back and re-read them whenever I am having a really bad day.   **Notable comments from OP on the first two posts** *On New Boss’s Ex-Husband:* **(1)** He wasn’t my manager. He was my coworker and we were both 26 when it happened. **(2)** They did not have kids together… According to him they don’t have contact except through lawyers. **(3)** Him and I share equal custody/visitation. Our parenting plan states that neither of us can move without the consent of the other or the approval of the court. Things are fine between us but we couldn’t afford the expense of court either… Both of us have lived our entire lives in this area and our whole families are here. &#x200B; *How New Boss dragged OP into the divorce proceedings:* It’s been a few years since everything happened. When I was subpoenaed to testify in the divorce, she sent someone to serve me at the hospital just after I had given birth, in front of my family, friends, colleagues and the staff while paying the guy extra to loudly and publicly announce I was being served because I knowingly had a baby with a married man. At that point I had not told anyone yet that he was the father (my colleagues) or that he was married (everyone else). I had to answer questions about the fling in court and once it was settled she posted my answers on social media. I’m not in a long term relationship with her ex-husband (and have never been) but we share custody no problem. We have always been amicable. He went bankrupt as a result of the divorce. She went to court to make sure he didn’t get out of the settlement. She successfully fought to have his wages garnished instead of accepting the payment plan he offered, even though the payment plan would have gotten her more money in the end. It’s been rough for him and she hasn’t let up on either one of us. They shared a car and she got it in the divorce. He asked her to wait two weeks because he needed the car for his job and in response she got a court order to have it repossessed from the parking lot at his job. She was offered an equivalent job in another department and she took this job when she found out she would be managing me. HR says she will be professional but given how things have gone in the past I can’t work for her. &#x200B; *In response to suggestions to appeal HR’s decision or seek legal advice:* **(1)** The decision came from the head of HR and was backed up by the executive that HR reports to now. Unfortunately my company doesn’t give severance and they aren’t offering any through the restructuring process. HR said I could either take the job or I could leave, and if I try to just not show up or do anything like that then they will fire me for cause. I had a consultation with a lawyer and he said if I get fired for cause I can’t get unemployment just like if I quit and that the company isn’t doing anything illegal. **(2)** She hasn’t done anything illegal – believe me both me and the father of my child have tried. The companies are both being truthful because there was fallout at my first job and I left the second with almost no notice. I really wish it were different and I tried contacting people I worked with about references but that didn’t work. I wish it was different but even my mom says I can’t dwell on what I can’t change. I got some good advice from a poster about building references through temping. &#x200B; *How OP thought management would handle things once she worked for New Boss:* She is friends with the management of my department equivalent at the other company. Her boss is from her company. According to the restructuring chart she has worked with him for like 10 years. If I remember correctly from the divorce trial his name is similar to a friend who assisted with her legal fees. Her boss’s boss is going to be her current boss who recommended her for promotion to this new job. So I don’t think anyone will come down hard on her. I was told by HR that they expect me to act like a professional (as she will). &#x200B; *Why OP is not on good terms with anyone from the first job:* His wife outed us and clients thought we were getting together on paid time. We couldn’t prove we were not. Clients left, people lost work, and the management locked things down and enforced stricter rules. &#x200B; *What happened when OP left her second job:* I had to leave with only a few days of notice because the transition to our new jobs with her as the manager was about to happen. After what happened by the elevator there is no way I could work for her. So I don’t have a good reference from there because I left when they had an open job at the same pay (and closer to home) for me and because she controls my reference as well.  &#x200B; [Update #2](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/12/updates-the-dixieland-doorbell-plain-dress-in-interviews-and-more.html) \- December 2017 I have a (regular, non-seasonal) full-time job and so has the father of my child. They are retail jobs which only pay minimum wage right now but it is better than nothing. My main hope is to get some good references from this since I only have one at the moment (having left both previous jobs I have had because of what happened and all the rumors and things I mentioned in the comments of my other update). I have gotten over the fact I will never work in that field again and am over it now. I am extremely thankful that both the father of my child and myself have a good support system, parents who took us back in, and help with our child along with siblings and other extended family. Our child has a stable life because of them. His ex who would have been my boss won a big award for a project she led earlier this year and has been promoted as far as I have heard. I haven’t had any contact from her since I left that job. She hasn’t crossed my path at all. Thanks to everyone who had a kind comment for me. Your site was helpful when I was crafting my resume and going through interviews. Thanks so much for all your help. **Reminder - I am not the original poster. This is external content from the AskAManager blog. Alison’s comments are available using the links.**

[Ask a Manager] I had a one-night fling with my new boss’s then-husband

REPOST

snarfblattinconcert

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1559sjb/ask_a_manager_i_had_a_onenight_fling_with_my_new/

155ayes

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Mija512 **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!Abusive behavior, threats of suicide!< mood spoilers: >!OOP is safe!<   [I (38F) am in a new relationship (51M) and his texts are starting to concern me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14ge64t/i_38f_am_in_a_new_relationship_51m_and_his_texts/) \- June 22, 2023 My current boyfriend and I have been together since February and we've had a few arguments but generally things are good. What I can't wrap my head around our some of the text messages that he sends me. They come out of nowhere and feel a little nuts to me. I don't know if I'm the one being a jerk here but I don't know what to make of them. I've told him it puts me off but he doesn't seem to hear me. This is an example of one he sent today after he video called at lunch. I answered but he hung up and wouldn't answer when I called back. I left a message saying I guess he didn't have service and couldn't answer but just call back if it's important. His reply was "What would b the point in answering after seeing u are dressed make up on and hair done? That tells me u have been up for hours and in that time I guarantee that ur phone has been in ur hand a lot and never once did u have the desire or want to call or text and say hello good morning I love u or even fuck off for that matter. And that makes me feel like shit to b real honest. So I didn't answer. " 5 minutes later I got this "And because you still have nothing to say, that just tells me I was right" This kind of thing is getting more frequent. I feel like it's kind of excessive but he says it feels like I don't love him. I don't even know how to respond honestly. &#x200B; [Mini update in the comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14ge64t/i_38f_am_in_a_new_relationship_51m_and_his_texts/jp5cv2j/?context=3) \- June 22, 2023 >I'm taking the advice here and ending it. He sent me another message that just doubled down on the crazy and aggressive so I'm done. You guys are right. He moved in with me about a month ago and I'm real nervous about having this conversation with him in person so I just packed a bag of all my important stuff and I'm going to go stay with a friend. I'm sending him a message that he has until Monday to move out. There are some extenuating circumstances that make giving him a 30 day notice unnecessary. I didn't really know what else to do but I've seen him get angry before and I don't want to be at the receiving end of that.   **UPDATE** (Edit on the same post) I packed a bag, my laptop, gun, important paperwork, etc. Most of my stuff is in storage because we were supposed to move at the end of the month. I didn't want to leave him there but his texts got really ugly when I told him it was over. I feel a lot safer at my friend's house out of town. The barrage of texts have gone from nasty to desperate to accusing me of lying and never caring about him to him taking photos of gifts he supposedly bought me to threatening to hurt himself and me. Apparently I'm " not giving a shit about it but here I sit trying to fucking talk to you and work this fucking thing out because I care more about you than I do the lies. I love u D. Why can't that b enough for u". I'm SO done with this bullshit. It's probably going to be hard trying to get him out of my life but I'm saving the texts and going to (at least try) get a protective order tomorrow. Thank you all for your comments; they reaffirmed that this behavior is unacceptable. I think I kept adjusting to a "new normal" every time he would do something that was off but not quite bad enough to break up over. We had endless talks about his behavior and he was very good at reassuring me he'd work on it and then being the best boyfriend imaginable. It's like he's two different people but I'm positive the nice side is an absolute lie now after some of the stuff he said. I'm safe for now and definitely won't be going home without an escort. To answer the questions about why he moved in so quickly: We've been good friends for 5 years and he never once acted like this. I thought I knew him pretty well so that's why I gave him the benefit of the doubt for so long and let him move in. When he proposed it was so romantic and he was so convincing I got a little swept up in the idea that it was real. &#x200B; [OOP responds to a comment 6 days later, asking if she's ok](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14ge64t/i_38f_am_in_a_new_relationship_51m_and_his_texts/jpxylu8/?context=3) \- June 28, 2023 >I'm doing much better. I ended up getting that book that somebody had recommended here called why does he do that and it was pretty eye opening. I think it's usually fairly easy to recognize abusive behavior that is overt but some people are so skilled at getting their hooks in and wearing you down slowly over time that it can be hard to recognize the more subtle things that make you feel bad. The thing that really got me in that book was when he said you don't abuse people that you respect and you don't respect people that you abuse. He also said that abusers are not unable to change they are unwilling to change. Those statements were so direct and to the point and they completely trash the idea of "oh he's just been hurt before and he doesn't really mean this" or whatever excuse they give you. It also makes that idea of "well he just needs somebody to be good to him". That's absolutely ridiculous because that's not true and it's a mental trap that's easy to fall into if you're the fixer type. There's nothing you can do to help somebody change like that and it's nothing you did to make them act that way. And so essentially when you meet an abuser the situation just is what it is and it's not going to change. They're not going to change. The only person who's going to change is you and it's not going to be for the better. We are still broken up despite his barrage of texts and calls. I eventually just blocked him because even though it first I wanted to know in a roundabout way where his head was at just so I didn't have any surprises per se but it was too much and I just had to block him. Thank you so much for asking; that means a lot even though we're just internet strangers. It's very kind of you.    **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I (38F) am in a new relationship (51M) and his texts are starting to concern me.

CONCLUDED

GTX660King

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/155ayes/i_38f_am_in_a_new_relationship_51m_and_his_texts/

155cqjt

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ElectricalPlum6281 **My Mom is mad that i decided to leave for college earlier than necessary.** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole & r/EntitledPeople **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Financial abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, emotional manipulation and destruction of property!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!OOP ends on a positive note!< [AITA for yelling at my brother and charging him every time he eats my food?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/111twtq/aita_for_yelling_at_my_brother_and_charging_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Feb 14, 2023** For a little background info, I’m a 17-year-old girl whose balancing 2 jobs and senior year while my 24-year-old brother has no job and lives upstairs in our attic with his gf who also has no job. They’ll sometimes go deliver food but they spend all of that money on alcohol. My mother pays all the bills and sometimes buys groceries but that gets a little hard with all my senior fees she pays plus I go to a private school so that’s more money. Ever since I got my job I started to buy myself and my mother food so we could have something to eat for the week. I started noticing my brother coming down into the kitchen multiple times a day and the food would be gone that night. If I bought food Monday all of it would be gone by Wednesday morning. We began hiding the good food but eventually, he’d find that and eat it. I even wrote my name and do not eat on stuff but that didn’t stop him either. Once he ate all the food that was it until the next week I’d get paid and we’d only have bread pasta and cheese to eat for that week. About a month ago I went to the doctor and found out I lost a substantial amount of weight in 3 months and I decided to put my foot down since my mother never would. Every time he’d eat anything I text him a fee for the food. I’d keep nagging him and he’d eventually pay me back. Well about 2 days ago I bought a case of Ensure (which is a weight-gain protein drink) nobody else in my house would have any reason for drinking them. The next day when I woke up the whole pack of 6 was GONE. the empty case was left in the fridge. I exploded and called him and his gf losers who needed to get tf out. I let 3 years of anger out and lost it. I told them they both owe me over $1000 worth of food for these past years and I left before he could respond. while at school my mom and grandparents kept texting me about how I was out of line and how family doesn’t treat each other like this but I can’t find it in myself to care. I asked my friends what they thought and there were mixed opinions but the majority said I was out of line and should’ve let my mother handle it. so aita? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [My Mom is mad that i decided to leave for college earlier than necessary.](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/13suqu2/my_mom_is_mad_that_i_decided_to_leave_for_college/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **May 27, 2023** Sorry i’m typing on a phone because she(my mom) has broken my computer. For some background info I had posted on AITA before about how my older brother would constantly eat everything in the house and not contribute anything to the family(he’s 23). We would then be left with bread, water and pasta while him and his gf would constantly go out for food while also paying no bills and leaving everything on my mom. I have a gluten problem so i can’t eat bread and pasta and i’d essentially be left starving almost. Once i did get a job i’d buy things i’d be able to eat(gluten free products) and he’s still eat everything up in 2 days and for the next week i was left to starve again. It got to the point where i had lost so much weight my doctor was concerned. He recommended i started to drink some protein shakes and get a better balanced diet. I had bought a few cases of ensures and when i went to get them the next day they were all gone. So i immediately purchased a mini fridge and installed a lock on my door. This was fine for about 3 months until i came home and my door was removed and my mother berated me and basically yelled at me for “holding out” on them. Anyways to sum that part up for the next few months nothing changed but i was able to eat a little more and i’m up to a healthy weight. I also got a full ride to my top college and they invited me to their honors college and a summer program which will give me college credits and they’ll also fly me out to them. All i’d have to pay for was my dorm supplies and clothes if i wanted any new ones. When i told my mom about it she immediately said no to the program and to college because i’d be “leaving” her and she needs me because i’m her “rock” and i can’t just leave her with my brother. Like okay? then kick him out and live by yourself , this is the same man she protected and kept taking his side during arguments, everyone in my family has cut him off but her. after like 3 arguments about the program i enrolled anyways because my grandparents gave me money to pay for my enrollment and board fee which was like $500. but since i’m 17 they emailed her to confirm if i could go, luckily she was cooking so i just ran into her room and accepted it myself and deleted the email. Well the program starts june 11th and the whole week before that i was packing and slowly hiding things in my grandparents house until it was time for me to leave. Idk how but my mom found out and called the college to say she never signed the slip and that i would not be enrolled(keeping me from going to college) she then broke my computer saying that i won’t need it since i won’t be going to college anyways. I had called the college and there was nothing i could really do since i was a minor at the time , but 2 weeks ago i turned 18 and explained my situation to the college and they let me continue the program but said i’d have to pay for the flight down here myself. After that i called my grandma and had her come get me and the rest of my things. my mom was PISSED. she was screaming ,crying and yelling asking me how could i just abandon her with my brother after all she’s done for me, i still have the knot on my head from her tackling me and making me bang my head against our concrete stairs. my grandparents asked me if i wanted to press charges but honestly i just want to be away from her. she keeps texting me after what happened and said she’s going to sue me for emotional damage but that’s not likely since she can’t even afford to feed her family. i’m living with my grandparent now and i’ve never been more fed. i think i’ll get all my strength back before i leave my grandparents house. this is all honestly crazy for me because she’s never acted like this. this past year she’s been on a downwards spiral Tldr: Mom bashes my face into the ground and says she’s gonna sue me for emotional damage. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/13tv9kr/update_my_mom_is_mad_that_i_decided_to_leave_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **May 27, 2023** This most likely won’t be the last update but i wanted to tell you guys what happened and answer a few things i was messaged and things i saw. First i wanted to thank everyone for the nice comments, honestly after the year i had i definitely needed to hear the things to confirm i wasn’t crazy. I also wanted to thank you guys for pointing out the abuse i was going through, i guess i had convinced myself that the things happening weren’t severe enough to be considered abuse. The things you guys said made me really think of everything that has happened in my childhood and she was truly an abusive women. One memory i can think of off the top of my head is when i was 5 and my brother was 10 was her keeping a suitcase packed and whenever me and my brother upset her she’d leave for hours on end saying she was “tired” of us and “leaving” us. In all honesty before this post i just considered that a punishment. I also wanted to address a few comments and messages i saw. A few people spoke about me not fighting back but imagine having a 300+ pound women on your back, i was terrified if i’d moved she most likely break me in half. Even if i did fight back i’m 100% she’d body me in 5 seconds with superhuman strength. I also got comments about the doctor and why he didn’t alert cps, im pretty sure he thought it was likely i had an ed than being starved. The doctor i was attending was a family doctor so he’s been in the family for awhile. My weight wasn’t drastically underweight that it was dangerous, it was more so i dropped from 140 to 100 pounds in a short amount of time that he was concerned. Also saw a comment on tiktok about me being “spineless” for not pressing charges. You go get your ass beat by somebody twice your size and see if you want to see them again. I seen some comments about financial aid and other things but i don’t need anything like that. My grandfather has his own business and my grandma works for him so they have more than enough money. My dad is also an accountant so he also has enough money. Anyways for a sort of update: I read all you comments and took all your advice, so i told my grandparents exactly what happened while we were on a facetime call with my dad(he lives in the state of my college). My grandfather immediately told me to me we were going to press charges and my dad also advised me to get checked out by a doctor for any head injuries. So we made a report with the police and we are waiting to hear back from them i guess, idk i’m not that good with legal stuff. We also went to the doctor and they said i everything seemed to be fine but they did tell my grandparents to monitor me and if anything happens to come back immediately so i guess time will tell with that. I am no contact with my mom and i’ve officially gone no contact with my brother which really sucks because me and my brother was very close for such a long time until a year ago when his new gf moved in. In all honesty i saw him as my hero and it really hurts to see people change in an instance. Maybe i’m still in the after shock of the situation but i have real emotions for what happening. I’m not really sad about anything but i’m also a little glad this did happen because it truly showed me all those who cared for me. Also once my dad heard about the computer he sent me money to get a new one!! Really happy about that but i also want my mom to cough up the money for the other one, maybe i’ll go on a little shopping spree with it as reparations for giving me an ugly knot on my head. Also now that i think more about it, my brother and mom are really fucking fat for us to not have “enough” money for food. Seems like i wasn’t the only one holding out. Thanks for all the advice and for everyone giving me tough love and making me open my eyes to the abuse! I really appreciate all you guys and i hope all goes well in your life. You guys truly are good people. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/140pj03/update_2_my_mom_is_mad_that_i_decided_to_leave/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 4, 2023** Okay guys another update i didn’t think i would be making so soon lol. Good things first, i started seeing a therapist and it’s going very well! Everything for my college is finalized and i’m very happy. I’ve also made a lot of friends that’ll be going there through social media so i’m excited to meet them Now the other parts, i won’t be attending the summer program because for the past few days i’ve been having fainting spells and the doctors don’t know what’s causing it. They say it could be due to the head injury but it could be other factors as well so i’ll have to stay for the summer for further testing. I’m upset that i won’t be moving in when i wanted to but i’m happy i get to spend more time with my grandparents. On to other news, my mom was recently arrested but not for the reason you may be thinking. So since i’ve had fainting spells i haven’t been driving because it’s dangerous duh. I think two days ago i had went to get my protein water bottle out of my car when i seen my tires were completely slashed. All 4 tires cut and stabbed deep. My windows and door handles were also covered in shit, like real nasty brown shit. As i am a teen girl i won’t portray myself as some kind of saint and act like i’ve never been in drama , i immediately assumed it was someone from my high school or something which was also weird cause i haven’t really argued with anyone recently. I woke my grandparents up and we went to the neighbors house to get footage and as you can guess where this is going my mother was seen on footage driving past the house a few times before getting out of her car and ruining my car. Honestly i’m not even mad about my car anymore i just want to know where the hell she even got shit from. Like in the video it looked like she was using a diaper and as far as i know none of my relatives have young babies so who shitty diapers did she take? Like is it easy to obtain a shitty pamper? why would she even want to hold shitty pampers. I genuinely just want to ask her where did she ever get shitty diapers from. I stay up at night thinking about this because i’m genuinely so confused on how she got shitty diapers. Anyways. the cops arrested her pretty quick for damaging of property and trespassing and she’s waiting for someone to bail her out. Also my brother had come across the post and texted me about him never drinking my ensures and my mom having the packs of them in her closet. He apologized again but i honestly could not care less at the moment. This whole situation is harming my inner peace and i can not focus on them anymore. The thought of them being in the same state as me already messes with my energy. Even if he didn’t drink the insures and she stole them for fun i don’t care anymore, i’ve started using protein powder and it tastes way better anyways. My new macbook has arrived and it’s so much better than my last one. I think this’ll be my last update for awhile. To all the people who wanted me to update in a few months i will! You have all been such a help and when i’m thriving in college i’ll be sure to come back. [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/14zjhc5/final_update_my_mom_is_mad_that_i_decided_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 14, 2023** (sorry for bad grammar guys i don’t feel like fixing) Hi everyone, since everything has been wrapped up and i’m still getting messages and comments i decided that you guys deserve this update more than anyone. I’m not sure if the people who saw my last post and updates will remember but if they do I want to thank all of you for your comments, messages and overall support. I’m not sure if i’m supposed to post this update here but i will so more of you guys can see this and my appreciation for you. Update on my mother is that she has been FINED and sentenced 2 years PROBATION and like some time on house arrest. Idk how she skipped out on jail time but hey. I’m typing this on my new phone looking at my new macbook that she had to pay for😘I also have a restraining order and if she breaks it in anyway then she’ll be in jail. essentially she’s been ostracized by everyone in our family and is now all alone, the one thing she didn’t want:) As for my personal update: My health is fine and the fainting spells was stress and my body getting used to getting so many nutrients i wasn’t used to. I have fallen back underweight but doctors said it’s normal and i’ve found better supplements and protein shakes that will help me build my strength. I’ve also accepted a different program from my school which was a program to go abroad for the summer . I’ve been in Korea for almost a month now and i can honestly say i love it here so much. I’ve made so many new friends and have been partying and exploring like crazy. I miss my family(not my mom) and i’ll be back in the states august 14th so i can have a week left with my family before i’m sent off to college. The new freedom and experiences i’ve gained is amazing. I thank all of you for showing me my worth and teaching me that i have a voice and that i should stick up for myself. This will be my last time posting here but if you want any personal updates feel free to message me anytime or check my page lol. I’ll be sure to talk all about my college experience Until next time<3 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My Mom is mad that i decided to leave for college earlier than necessary.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/155cqjt/my_mom_is_mad_that_i_decided_to_leave_for_college/

155ct6r

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRa34gmoney **I 23/F think I have found my 21/M Brother who ran away from home 9 years ago and we never found him, and I don't know how to approach him incase it's not him.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!physical, psychological and emotional abuse of a child, drug use and mention of suicide!< **MOOD SPOILER** >!Sad but hopeful for OOP and her brother!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14u58h9/i_23f_think_i_have_found_my_21m_brother_who_ran/) **July 8, 2023** Little background my younger brother ran away from home when I was 14. Apparently my mother beat him very hard and much and told him to go away and he's not her child anymore after he broke a new TV while playing football in the house. She says she didn't mean it and was just disciplining him and said that in the heat of the moment. My brother was a always one of those troublesome kids, care free, little too much adventurous but he had a good heart and I loved him very much . At first we thought he would just comeback then hours went by, we started to get worried. After a day we with him coming back he started to search for him, we asked around, called the cops and filled a missing person report. We searched for him for a long time and never found him. His disappearance tore my family apart. My dad blamed my mom and and they divorced shortly after my 15th birthday. The relationship between my grandparents and my mom deteriorated. Fast forward to about a month ago I got a job as an intern at a logistic company in my country. I am as an assistant as a driver dispatcher. One of the driver's name caught my attention a week ago .It's was exactly the same as my brothers. The driver came back about 3 days ago from his shipment and I have been kind of observing him. And he kind of looks like my brother. He resembles my dad. And I don't know if I am the one who's making this observations be cause I want to or the resemblance is actually there. Now I have been sleepless for days wondering if I should approach him? What if its not him? I am a shy person and not really good with people. Will he think I am crazy? Should I at least do some more homework before I approaching him? And whauf it's him should I tell my parents? Just to clarify: I was still at school when it happened and my dad was still at work. That's when we came home to find him gone. TLDR: I think a driver in the company I work for might be my brother who ran away 9 years ago. I don't know how to approach him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OgusLaplop** >Yes, he ran away from your mother, not you. >But are you willing to face the possibility of him hating everyone, the big sister who did not protect him, the father who allowed his wife to hurt him. **OOPreplied** >I actually came back from school to find my mom still furious that's when about an a hour later she started to get worried . And my dad was still at work by then. Sorry if I hadn't clarified. * **Western_Coconut** >Before you approach him, stop victim blaming him. **OOP replied** >I am not,victim blaming ,I was just giving a description of who he is to get a little insight. He gets into a lot of trouble even at school and with neighbours and I have had to defend him some times at school and even home. I know my sound victim blaming but let me explain this in a way where I don't sound like that. He liked having fun and taking risk to chase that adrenaline sometimes those impulsive decisions weren't really the best or have the best outcomes. * **anitram96** >I'm curious to know, how does your mom feel about the disappearance of her son years later(now)? Does she blame herself? Does she know what she did? **OOP replied** >She went into deep depression. She still blames herself upto now. Plus she also lost Almost her whole family. And almost everyone blames her. We had an argument once, she blurted out that if she could take it all back and it didn't happen she would take it in a heartbeat. And I almost felt sorry for her. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14znitq/updatei_23f_think_i_have_found_my_21m_brother_who/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 14, 2023** Edit: for some reason I can't be able to post the link to my previous post. But you might try checking my profile. So some of you wanted an update and here it is. So I approached him a day after the post using some of the ways you suggested. And it went better than I had anticipated. He recognised me even before I could tell him everything I had rehearsed. Apparently he had looked me up Online and since have little going on any social media except for lurking on twitter and reddit he could hardly find anything concrete. So the only pictures of me she could find were from my best friend's Instagram post a couple of months ago. And he knew here and were kind of friends. I asked why he didn't reach out and well he said that he was afraid that I was mad at him and will never forgive him for running away and leaving me. I was completely taken back by that cause I never saw that way. I was a bit mad having me worried about him for years but finding him alive and well is the completely dwarfs any anger, sad, disappointed I had. And those who may wonder what happened after he left home, its not been easy for him. Being homeless, abusing drugs, dealing drugs , serving jail time a couple of times,depression, suicidal thoughts, but it all worked for him when an old family in charity program found him at 16 and helped him out. He didn't want to come back, but was forced to deal drugs. Its a common in my country where young kid either orphans or abducted are forced to sell drugs. Well we have been hanging out a lot. There have been a lot of tears,catching up to do. He asking about my dad because he had tried to look for him too but he left the country a few years back with his new wife and kids but he is not ready to face just yet. For my mum said he forgave her but he just want to see her yet. I am glad I met my family. Thanks to all of you who gave me advice. Sorry for any typo. I am typing from my phone. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

I 23/F think I have found my 21/M Brother who ran away from home 9 years ago and we never found him, and I don't know how to approach him incase it's not him.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/155ct6r/i_23f_think_i_have_found_my_21m_brother_who_ran/

155dbl2

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/LovingMom12. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!a positive ending!!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/111sbd7/aita_for_wanting_my_son_to_move_back_closer_to/)**: February 13, 2023** Hi, this is my 1st post on Reddit, and English is not my language so I apologize for the mistakes I will probably make. I'm 56F and I live with my husband (64M). We only have 1 son, 33M, who currently lives abroad and we see once a year, as it's very far away and expensive to go. We live in a small town, he moved away when he was 18 for college and never came back. We expected him to move back after he graduated, but he decided to stay where he was, since he already had a job and a girlfriend there (they got married). Our town is close to our state’s capital where his work field is very strong. Ever since his senior year in college I've been trying to convince him to move closer for a better career and to stay close to his family, he never showed interest, which I find it odd, specially since his wife also works on the same field. 4 years ago, they moved abroad. I felt betrayed when he told me, he was already living 3 hours away from us, why would he choose to go even further to another country, but not the city right next to us? I never told anything besides let them know me and his father are always here if they needed us. Until recently, things were "fine", I miss him a lot, we text everyday but we don't get to speak to each other often. The problem is my father (84M) whose health took a dive and is very fragile. And with my son living so far, he is missing a precious time he could be spending right here, his grandad is not likely to live many years now. I told the news to my son and he was sad about it, and he came to see us and left a week ago. I was honest with him, I said his grandfather will not stay with us for so long, and since he lives so far away, he will lose the opportunity to stay close and enjoy the time he has left. He was not happy about me touching this matter, he said I was trying to guilt him into moving back. I asked him why he was doing this to me, why doesn’t he miss me and his dad? We are getting old and he is only seeing us once or twice a year. It’s cruel to us. He said he missed us, but he is happy where he is and does not plan on moving back, and he and his wife are already making plans on buying a house where they live. I couldn't take it and I burst out crying, I told him I felt abandoned, that he didn't seem to care for us and he should enjoy his family while he can because we will not be here forever. I asked what makes him think he cannot be happy living here, he didn't respond. The few days after this were very awkward and after he left, he seems to be even more distant, avoiding me and being very short on his texts. Yesterday his wife called and said my son was feeling bad and told her what happened. She called me an AH and said I had no right trying to manipulate him like that, and I should be ashamed. I don’t think I’m the AH for wanting my son closer to me, they are the AH for abandoning family behind. And I’m including her as well, since she did the same (I talk to her mother often and she is on my side.) **Edit: 1 (all edits happen on the same day or the day after it was posted)** I didn’t realize we could edit the original post, I just want to add some information. I’m not asking my son to sell his happiness just to be by my side. I just can’t see why he needed to be so far away, while he and his wife could have wonderful careers around our area. They could earn more money while staying close to family, it’s illogical for me to think about anything different. 2. Some are under the impression I gave up my life to become his mother, and that’s not true. I had my own career, and a good one. I worked hard to give my son the best I could. I retired 6 years ago. 3. I realize the is a very strong cultural background where we come from. Family is expected to stay close, my son was the first member of my family that decided to move to somewhere so far away that makes visitations once every 2 weeks or even once a month impossible to do. 4. I don’t expect to be taken care of when I get old, me and my husband already talked about this, and unless my son wants to, we will not ask him to take care of us. 5. Just to clarify, I am not Indian. While I love India and I've been there once with my husband, I just want to clarify I'm South American. My son currently lives in North America. **Edit 2:** I think I'm getting it - it's really cultural. Most people here seem to be from the USA, and I understand it's really normal for families to be separated after children move to college, and they see each other just once a year at Christmas or Thanksgiving, for example. I was raised to believe family should stick together, I raised my son to have the same values, and I expected him to keep this tradition, but has broken it. It's not his fault but I will never understand this decision. **Edit 3:** This will probably be the last time I'm editing the post. I realized that I will never understand my son's motivations to move away, and I will also never understand why he "broke free" from our culture of family closeness. No, I am completely unable to see the world how he does, and I just have to accept it. I am still feeling abandoned, neglected and I'm resenting his decisions. I think he is ungrateful and I will probably rethink our will. That said, I have to accept he adopted a new culture, and that is just who he is now. He changed. And I'm not able to change him back. So I take the judgment, and I will work with what I have from now on. Just to add some extra info - I'm rethinking my will because, why should I leave everything for him, since he chose to be far away? His cousins are all nearby and they help us when we need them, I'm closer to them now than I am to my son. I'm not taking him off the will, I'm just not going to leave everything to him. He gets to live where he wants, far away from us, and I get to choose whoever goes on my will. Choices right? **EDIT 4:** I AM NOT WRITING HIM OFF MY WILL - I WAS ANGRY, FRUSTRATED AND SAD WHEN I WROTE THAT. I never expected him to give up his LIFE for me All want is my son to be close to his family. That's just it. I don't know why it's so difficult for you people to see my point: my son had everything he could possibly need to be successful, start a family and STILL STAY CLOSE, but he chose to MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY how am I supposed to feel? I am proud he is a good professional, a good husband and I'm happy to have helped him pave this road. still I think he is a horrible person for choosing to stay away. to be honest, he didn't even need to live right next to us, he could have simply stayed 3 hours away. this way we could at least visit him often, or plan any activities together all you people say is "his decisions, his life, his choices" - I GET IT, BUT HOW IS IT SO EASY FOR YOU ALL TO DISMISS WHERE I'M COMING FROM? WHY did he need to go to ANOTHER COUNTRY? Yes I am assuming he did that just to stay away from us, which makes him a horrible son as clingy as I may be, I come from a place of LOVE. I've always let him know I love him, and I've always thought about the best for him - but at the same time, am I REALLY THIS WRONG to expect some closeness? he never starts conversations, I'm the one who sends the texts if I don't tell him the new about his relatives, he doesn't ask. how am I supposed NOT to feel abandoned? seriously? I don't know what else to say. **EDIT 5** lots of comments asking why don't I move closer to him instead: I will not do to my own parents what he is doing to me Even if I didn't have my parents, I'm unable to get a permanent visa ***OOP is voted YTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14zikci/update_aita_for_wanting_my_son_to_move_back/)**: July 14, 2023 (5 months later)** Hello, I wanted to provide you all with an update since my original post gained a lot of attention and sparked various discussions (some were unfortunately rude and disrespectful). Since my last post, I: Improved relationship with my son and and his wife Switched therapists. Started treatment for my anxiety and depression Lost my father Things started to turn around when I decided to change therapists and went on a few sessions with the new one. Their approach allowed me to come to terms with the fact that my son's values, perspective on the world, and life objectives will never align with mine - and that's OK. It was a tough realization, but an important one. During therapy, I also discovered that my anxiety was (way) more off than I thought, and I never treated it. I started taking medication. After a few months, I was feeling a lot better about my son living away from me. Moreover, my therapist helped me understand a crucial aspect of my life: I had been living under the weight of guilt, giving up on so many plans for the sake of my own parents. A silly example? When my husband and I got married, I wanted to get a cat, but my father always HATED cats. I thought to myself, "My father despises felines... it wouldn't be fair to him to have a cat in our home, what if they come to visit? I wouldn't be a good daughter". When I recounted this story to my therapist, they were shocked on how normal I thought that was. This was just one of many instances where guilt dictated my decisions. Both of my parents were masters at instilling guilt, and I had internalized it over the years. Main point of the original post: I wanted my son to continue living close to me, he didn't. In my misguided attempts to enforce my desires, I resorted to guilt-tripping him repeatedly (it's how I've been taught, it's what I knew). I now see how wrong and unhealthy that behavior is. While I may never fully understand or relate to the idea of living far away from family (STILL HURTS), I've come to accept that this is my issue to grapple with, not my son's burden. I am determined to confront this challenge alone and refuse to allow it to dictate my happiness. After my father passed - it happened suddenly - my son wanted to come to his funeral, but it would be so exhausting for him, not to mention expensive. So I told him there was no need to come, he could stay and we would get together and remember grandpa another time. I was surprised with myself, in other times I would have guilted him into coming as fast as he could. In conclusion, I want to thank those who were respectful for the wake-up call and the discussions that unfolded from my initial post. It has been an enlightening journey of self-discovery and growth. I'm committed to continuing my progress and learning how to prioritize my own well-being while respecting the autonomy and choices of those around me. **EDIT: (Same Day)** Thank you everyone for this awesome reception of my post, I wasn't expecting this much love. I want to take some time and reply to each comment, but I'll address one point that everyone seems to be commenting: YES! My husband and I will adopt a cat!! We need to secure our house first, we plan on keeping it indoors for its safety, so we will catify the environment the best we can (I've been watching a lot of Jackson Galaxy videos)

AITA for wanting my son to move back closer to his family?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/155dbl2/aita_for_wanting_my_son_to_move_back_closer_to/

155dxwi

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/ButterscotchWest7243. She posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but growth happens!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x25qk/aita_for_not_telling_my_kids_the_real_reason_why/)**: July 11, 2023** I f35 have two teenage daughters (18 and 16) with my ex-husband (37). We were together until my daughter's we're 8 and 10 when I found out my husband had been cheating on me for almost three years. Before founding out, I had already checked out the relationship because while he was out with other women I had to do 100% of the child care plus work a full-time job so I never had time to myself. We did try to make it work, but I just didn't love him anymore, so in the end, we divorced. We split everything down the middle. We both had 50/50 custody since he started shaping up into a decent father. We both decided that we would never tell our children the real reason because I wanted my daughters to have a good and healthy relationship with their dad. My ex-husband did end up marrying the girl he cheated on me with, but I harbored no hard feelings. I just wanted her to treat my girls right. Fast-forward now My ex-husband and his wife have two sons (7 and 5) and I'm married to my husband (40) and I'm currently 6 months pregnant with another girl. We all get along well, and there are no hard feelings towards anybody. Sometimes, when I take my girls out, I take their brothers, and when me and my husband and I need alone time, they will take the girls. Recently, my daughters started putting together the pieces using their 7-year-old brother's birthdate and when my and their father's divorce was finalized. I and their father didn't know they were doing this but we did think it was weird that they asked us about our divorce until yesterday, both of my daughters confronted me when I came home from work. I did try to deny it, but in the end, I told them what happened. They asked me why I didn't tell them, and I said because it was none of their business what happened in a previous marriage. Everyone is happy, and that's what matters. This caused a big fight of them claiming it was their business, and now they are upset with me but also have been ignoring their father, which is hurting him and his family. AITAH? Edit: A lot of you guys are saying that my girls aren't dumb and they would've found out. They aren't, but I didn't think they would try to go in depth of what happened in me and their father's marriage. The reason for the divorce was always that we just didn't love each other anymore, but we loved them. **Another edit: July 12, 2023 (Next Day)** I'm not trying to tell my girls how to feel at all. I just don't want them to have the thought in their head. "What if my dad didn't cheat? Maybe they would still be together. " Which isn't true. I want them to understand that regardless of if their dad was faithful, we would've divorced. We were young, and we thought that you were supposed to marry the person you had kids with. Of course, we loved each other, but as we grew older, we realized we just had different plans for life. My ex and I did decide that we would sit them down later today and have a chat. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP opens up about her own past:* "Yes, I had divorced parents. I haven't seen my father since I was 6, so it was just me and my mother. I was always happy when my mother was in relationships, even if they only lasted a few months, especially since her partner's would always make sure I didn't go without. Yes, I know the divorce affected them, but the cheating shouldn't. When they divorced, they had a therapist. My 16-year-old still goes, but my oldest stopped going." *NTA but the girls have the right to know and process on their own:* "I know I should stay out of it, but I don't want them to do something they would regret. I don't want them to take out their anger on their little brothers, especially since they look up to them." *OOP explains more about why she thought it wasn't necessary for them to know:* "I understand what you are saying, but what I meant is being upset isn't gonna change anything at all. It's gonna make them upset and bitter towards people who love them so much. Their father and stepmom would walk through fire to make sure they were okay, and I don't want them to burn bridges just because they are thinking about the "what if's". Yes, their dad cheated, but he was in his 20s, and he's a completely different person now that he's reaching his 40's. Yes, it's okay to be upset and confused, but in the end, I don't want them to dread over it. Me and their dad both thought it wasn't necessary or age appropriate for them to know about the cheating. Even still, they now have two perfectly healthy relationships to look up to. If they ever need to co-parent with future partners and also have a healthy example to put the kids first." *OOP explains more about why she doesn't feel as betrayed over the cheating:* "He didn't destroy the family unit. It was already destroyed. Him cheating didn't hurt me, I can see it, the kids, and possibly their relationship." "Okay, why are people telling me the reason why they think I fell out of love. I didn't care that he didn't put time into me. Maybe I wished he had put more time into the kids so I could've had some time to myself." ***There isn't a consensus vote on this sub, but the votes were heavily mixed.*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14y7e4o/update_aita_for_not_telling_my_kids_the_real/)**: July 12, 2023 (Day after OG Post)** Hello, I decided to write an update, even though it's quite long. Today, my ex-husband, me, and the girls were supposed to have a family chat but he had a family emergency concerning his wife because she had twisted her ankle at her 7-year-old son's soccer game (I hope she feels better). Anyways, they were understandably upset and took this as another sign that he was putting his new family over them. I didn't say anything and instead, let them vent, and I comforted them. From what my ex-husband is saying we would have to wait another time to have this conversation all together. Regardless I still wanted to talk to my girls tonight. At first, it was incredibly awkward and the air was filled with tension. I could feel that they didn't trust me and it hurt because it's my fault. I started talking and I first apologized for telling them that it wasn't their business. I reassured them that everything that happened in their home was their business and I was truly sorry for making them feel like they didn't matter because they were the most important things that ever happened to me. At this point, my 16-year-old started to cry a bit which made me start to cry because I know the news was a lot for her. I ended up telling them the reason why I kept it for so long because I wanted them to have a good relationship with their dad and I didn't want them to worry about adult matters so young especially when they already had a lot going on. I told them I just wanted to shield them from anything that could hurt them which I then apologized for because, in the end, it was wrong and they deserve to know. I told them from now on I was gonna be more open to any questions they had about me and their father's marriage. I also explained that I wouldn't tell them how they should move on when it comes to their dad and I would support them if they needed time away from them. I did tell them that any anger that they have towards their dad and stepmom, they should never take it out on their brothers. They said that they still loved their brothers but they just didn't wanna see their dad or stepmom right now. I asked them how they felt and they are understandably upset and felt like they were easily replaceable which broke my heart. I told them that their father has a lot to work on but they can always count on me and they could never be replaceable to me. At this point, we were all crying while we were hugging. They ended up asking how I felt and I was truthful. I told them I was confused and I didn't know how to feel. By this point, we were quiet. My 16-year-old was laying her head on my belly while my 18-year-old was resting her head on my shoulder. I am gonna try to get my 18-year-old back into therapy. They do want to cut off their dad and stepmom as a lot of you guys suspected but they are afraid they won't see the boys anymore which may be true. Regardless I and my husband are 100% there for them. I'm very thankful for all the advice given! I was being completely selfish which ended up hurting everyone even more. I don't know if I will make another upset because I'm 80% sure the family talk with my ex-husband will not happen. ***I marked this as ongoing in case we get any more information moving forward.***

AITA for not telling my kid's the real reason why me and their father divorced YEARS AGO

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/155dxwi/aita_for_not_telling_my_kids_the_real_reason_why/

1562gvc

I am NOT OP. Original post on Ask A Manager trigger warnings: Office Bullying &#x200B; \[My abusive boss was fired after I complained about her — what do I say to coworkers?\]([https://www.askamanager.org/2020/01/my-abusive-boss-was-fired-after-i-complained-about-her-what-do-i-say-to-coworkers.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/01/my-abusive-boss-was-fired-after-i-complained-about-her-what-do-i-say-to-coworkers.html)) - January 16, 2020 &#x200B; Earlier this year, I took a dream job that quickly proved to be a nightmare. My manager, Hedra, has a track record of abusing and driving out her reports. From the start, she didn’t even bother to hide her dislike for me. She set shifting, arbitrary goals and put up barriers to information and relationships, made comments about my race and weight, and constantly did intentionally cruel, belittling things like assign me menial physical tasks and talk about me in the third person in my presence. I took the usual measures (including going up the chain and consulting a lawyer), but nothing worked. My physical and mental health suffered quite a bit and I finally hit a wall. So even though I hated having to do it, I fought. I filed a formal complaint, using evidence stockpiled over months. &#x200B; A few days after HR found in my favor, there was a shock announcement that Hedra was leaving the company (ostensibly due to burn-out). I am pretty certain the resignation is a disguised termination in the wake of the HR investigation. I know that this conclusion is shared by at least a few other people in my department who were close to the situation. It’s possible that some people think I “got Hedra fired.” I know from reading Ask a Manager that this isn’t the way terminations work but … human nature. &#x200B; What do I say when I’m asked about Hedra’s departure? I can’t bring myself to agree when I’m condoled by someone with no idea what Hedra is like inside her team. Worse, some people have speculated that the department manager‘s style causes burn-out in “a positive person like Hedy.” (Hedra is very manipulative and has a lot of people fooled.) Obviously I cant shout, “Positive? She ran you all down behind your backs!” And what do I tell coworkers who were helping me professionally and emotionally during the ordeal? &#x200B; On one hand, I think this case speaks pretty well for our HR and I’d like to obliquely acknowledge that a formal process actually works. But I assume the fact of a harassment investigation stays confidential even after the harasser leaves. &#x200B; There’s a lot out there about how to respond to being harassed at work, but nothing about dealing honestly, professionally, and gracefully with a “positive” outcome. I take no pleasure in Hedra losing her job — maybe I’m just numb — so I’d really appreciate it if we could skip the high-fives in the comments section. &#x200B; Allison's advice has been removed. However, you can still access the link to read it and other comments on the story." &#x200B; \[Update 1\]([https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/update-my-abusive-boss-was-fired-after-i-complained-about-her-what-do-i-say-to-coworkers.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/update-my-abusive-boss-was-fired-after-i-complained-about-her-what-do-i-say-to-coworkers.html)) - December 23, 2020: &#x200B; It’s been over 6 months since Hedra suddenly quit. There’s no dramatic news in this long letter, but I am doing much better and you helped make that happen. &#x200B; 1. Some commenters anticipated this, but there wasn’t as much curiosity as I feared. I later learned that Hedra’s boss (“Jared” the DH) told his directs something to the effect of “a bad thing happened to Allie, so be nice, and no, I can’t tell you what.” &#x200B; 2. Jared is…not a good grandboss. I met with him long before going to HR. Within moments he called me “infantile” and in need of “fixing,” saying he’d heard an earful from Hedra. For context, I’m old enough to have college-age kids and was considered high-value in previous roles. A week later, he put me on PIP with an absurd condition. &#x200B; 3. Hedra wasn’t as bad as I thought…she was much worse. The actions she punished me for (like reaching out to internal SMEs) turned out to be essential to my role, so I think it was sabotage. I‘ve also realized that Hedra was a bit of a BS artist who was missing a lot of the required knowledge and skills. I noticed some of those big gaps early on, but didn’t realize what they meant. And yes, her previous reports complained on their way out so she and Jared had multiple chances to fix her behavior. &#x200B; 4. It’s not just me, Jared’s department has culture and performance issues. The home office has sent in a strong people manager, Cecil, under Jared. I was reporting to Jared but now report to Cecil. Post-Hedra, HR was supposed to move me away from Jared but this didn’t happen. (I don’t know why.) &#x200B; 5. I’ve learned that recovering from workplace PTSD is like escaping from Shawshank: You need time and pressure. At first, I had to push constantly at the PTSD telling me, “If you do this, bad things will happen just like before, it’s too late to catch up anyway, you’re well and truly f\*\*\*ed here.” Dozens of times a day, I‘d tell myself, “I’m going to take a moment to feel what I feel, then do what the job needs me to do.” Slowly, my brain learned that I could talk to anyone, make decisions and small mistakes, crack jokes, and attract positive feedback without being hammered by ugly insults and threats. When Cecil arrived, he saw me as valuable rather than trouble and was kind about my skittishness. That’s helped a lot. But months later, I still need to talk myself off the ledge at times. I remind myself this is normal. After all, I was on a greased rail to being terminated with bad reference, and I have three people relying on my income. Going to work every day just to be blocked and humiliated all day, knowing she was just waiting out the clock…it was hell. So I remind myself it’s okay to not be 100% okay. &#x200B; 6. But I am doing better. I blew past the targets Hedra missed, and also shared a very visible award for a collaboration. And best of all, I’ve been told by people in other departments that I am great to work with, and lower-ranking employees in my department say that they appreciate how approachable I am. That’s why, for now, my place is here. I can help make the products better, and I can make this workplace better. &#x200B; Update to the update: &#x200B; Well, you must be magic. This time, it’s Jared. He was likely sacked because his reason for quitting is ridiculous. They announced it internally a few hours after I emailed you.It’s uncanny. (I know there are perfectly rational explanations…but you’ve also brought good luck to a lot of people.) &#x200B; \[Update 2\]([https://www.askamanager.org/2022/04/update-my-coworker-wont-take-corrections-the-swollen-face-and-more.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/04/update-my-coworker-wont-take-corrections-the-swollen-face-and-more.html)) - April 21, 2022: &#x200B; I am thrilled to report that I’m now considered the go-to person for the department and was promoted. Thank you and your commenters for the advice and good magic. &#x200B; A lot has happened since my last update. Cecil (the reformist department head) has cleaned house! So the rest of the toxic people are gone and most of the enablers are also gone…hardly anyone even remembers Hedra. And Cecil had 90% of these roles filled within 2 months because he enjoys a good reputation. At one point, he asked me to consider taking Hedra’s old role (as one commenter jokingly predicted). I was briefly tempted by thought of karma, baby, but turned it down for two reasons: I’d outgrown that subject matter, and I also felt it would set back my recovery. It was the right choice and I’m happy to have been promoted to lead in a more challenging area. &#x200B; In terms of how I talk about that time in my career, I split the difference. I disclose that i survived workplace bullying when and only when I think the information would help new managers understand the lingering culture issues, or that it would give clarity to other employees in bad situations. When I do talk, I force myself to be brief, matter of fact, and forward-looking. I don’t have to do the first anymore because of the turnover. In terms of the second, I was able to help one colleague from a different team file a claim and get support from their grandboss and nudged another out of burning the bridge. I’m not at a point where I can thank Hedra, but my experience with her gives me credibility. When I say that the HR process is worth going through, people tend to listen. &#x200B; If anyone is reading this from the depth of a toxic team, I want to assure you that leaving is not the only option. It’s hard, but you can fight. It’s uncertain, but you can win. Judge it case by case, and don’t feel stupid for wanting to keep your job. Hedra forced me in front of others to recite her instructions back to her like a child. She withheld access permissions for tools I needed, set impossible goals that made me sound bananas when I asked teams to collaborate on them. She made me serve food, and even groom her one time. (We work in tech.) She was mean as a snake and so sure she’d get away with everything, and god, did I want to RUN. But I knew that I’d feel cheated if I left, and where I work, short stints invite bad scrutiny. Another manager who was my confidante told me: “Remember that you work for (Company) not Hedra.” I decided a job at this company was worth fighting for, and what’s happened since validates the distinction. &#x200B; One more thing. It looks like when I successfully negotiated my salary, I inadvertently outearned Hedra… Something to think about if you take a position under a long-tenured underperforming manager and she seems to hate you from day 1. &#x200B; \[Update 3\]([https://www.askamanager.org/2023/06/updates-coworker-prayed-ill-return-to-jesus-the-awful-corporate-jargon-and-more.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/06/updates-coworker-prayed-ill-return-to-jesus-the-awful-corporate-jargon-and-more.html)) - June 22, 2023 &#x200B; I first wrote you in December 2019 about how to deal with the aftermath of blowing the whistle on a serially abusive manager (“Hedra”) who suddenly resigned after HR found in my favor. Shortly after my first update, Hedra’s enabling boss (“Jared,” he-who-swore-and-shouted) also resigned. His successor Cecil then began legally, compassionately, and efficiently cleaning house. &#x200B; I’ve now been promoted twice in a company where that’s unusual, resulting in significant salary bump. Even happier news is, I successfully fought for my team to hire a quiet overachiever (Kaya) I recruited away from a much smaller role in another department. She’s as great as I hoped and has just been promoted! Another previously-overlooked colleague (Lindsey) moved to our team and was promoted too. This means our team is being noticed as a place where women can be themselves and still thrive. (We’re in tech.) This rep has been a well-deserved feather in the cap for our manager Owen (who has taught me loads and has been so patient when I occasionally experience episodes of PTSD) and grandboss Cecil. &#x200B; On the note of mental health—it took me a long time and the help of a book called “Forgive for Good,” but I have forgiven the one remaining employee (Amy) who directly participated in harassing me. She was Hedra’s other report and is still here. Like most follower types, Amy is currently harmless under good managers. I pushed myself to be collaborative and professional after Hedra left, but I didn’t stop wishing Amy her “just desserts.” The book was critical in that it let me see what a long-term burden I was taking on in exchange for the dark, momentary pleasure of righteous anger. First, I was able to nudge Hedra and Jared out of my brain, and am now at a point where I could be normally happy for Amy if she overachieved on her goals and was promoted. That to me is a victory. Carrying the burden of hatred numbed me to joy. After I quietly forgave Amy, the news of Kaya and Lindsey’s promo hit and I felt like I’d won the lottery—it made me so happy, I was goofy with it. &#x200B; I’m going to share one last thing: the reason Jared gave for resigning. He announced that he’d been offered a position that he knew would be his life’s work, and even though our Big Tech asked him to please stay, he had to carpe diem. According to LinkedIn, he went to sit on the board of an also-ran delivery app available in just a handful of cities. The gap is so painful, most people in my org who remember Jared take it for granted he was fired.

My Abusive Boss Was Fired After I Complained About Her — What Do I Say To Coworkers?

EXTERNAL

Green7000

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1562gvc/my_abusive_boss_was_fired_after_i_complained/

1562kj8

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/scatking69 in r/tifu** trigger warnings: >!bad gastrointestinal experiences!< mood spoilers: >!funny in a very juvenile way!< --- &nbsp; [**TIFU by eating 3 boxes of fiber one bars**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1an9bh/tifu_by_eating_3_boxes_of_fiber_one_bars/) - March 20, 2013 This is not a fucking joke or a god damn game. I ate 3 boxes of "Fiber one bars" as my exclusive food due to extreme laziness in the last 2 days and I cannot even understand how much I am fucking farting. This is beyond insanity, and I am NOT exaggerating. I am farting at least 2 loud boisterous farts out of my ass per 1 minute. I have been farting incessantly for the last 18 hours. I want to die, it's like I'm inhaling through my mouth and exhaling through my ASS. Continuous loud yelling moans are destroying my asshole. I know this is a bold claim, but if you don't believe it, try it yourself - you will regret. This is worse than the time I ate an entire box of sugar free cookies. &nbsp; [**TIFU \***UPDATE*** by eating 3 boxes of fiber one bars**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1b16oz/tifu_update_by_eating_3_boxes_of_fiber_one_bars/) - March 26, 2013 Every day since the incident I have had urges to shit but when I sat down only one loud airy fart would come out. No poop. This got scarier as time passed. But yesterday, I had that feeling where I needed to shit BAD and I rushed to the bathroom. I could finally feel something long and hard exiting my ass, I was so happy. I made sure to get a good look at this thing, it was BIG. It was probably about as thick/long as 3 well nourished turds. It was like a brown can off redbull but twice as long. There were also 2 standard logs on top of that. We have this toilet at our apartment that you could flush a live house cat down if you wanted to, but it struggled with this batch of shit. Although this was a nice poop, it does not come close to my 2 favorite shits of all time: "The flak cannon" and "the spaghetti and meatballs". I was glad to have finally shit, but I knew of course it was not over. This morning I woke up and prepared for work then I felt hella rumble in my stomach. Rushed to the bathroom ASAP, shot out a small round rocket ship then began peeing out of my ass with no end in sight. I could not stop fucking shitting. I had to call in at work I was shitting so motherfucking much. Anyways, I think it's all over now. It was an interesting experience that I'm glad I had but I certainly will not be repeating any of this ever again if I can help it. TL;DR Finally pooped, and pooped enough to miss work. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

TIFU by eating 3 boxes of fiber one bars

CONCLUDED

J_S_M_K

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1562kj8/tifu_by_eating_3_boxes_of_fiber_one_bars/

156965g

**I am not the Original Poster! Original post in** r/relationship_advice *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Cheating, emotional distress, suicidal thoughts!< mood spoilers: >!sad, confused & conflicted!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14phe47/25m_22f_my_gf_is_sad_all_the_time_because_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **by** u/scareforce **on Mon, July 03, 2023** We (25M & 22F) have been dating for around 7 months now. You can check my post history for a more in-depth backstory, but basically she still has feelings for her ex, Tom. Now, to my knowledge, she hasn't done anything or talked to him in at least 2 months. Last week, someone mentioned him to her at work, and she got really sad. When I asked her what was wrong, she basically told me that she felt unwanted and that nobody loved her, even though I told her how beautiful she is and how much I love her every day. She says it's more the fact that she doesn't like the idea that someone would forget about her so easily. I hug her and tell her everything's gonna be okay. Fast forward to last night. She starts getting sad again, and I tell her to be honest and just tell me what's going on. She says that she still misses and has feelings for her Tom. And how even though she loves me and wants to marry me, she gets sad because she feels unwanted. She told me she wrote up a text to him looking for closure, but apparently decided not to send it because 'he might not respond'. I told her that she can always talk to me about these things and that I would help her through this. I asked if she needed space, and she said no, that's the last thing she wants. She wants me to be with her while she works through this. I'm feeling really conflicted. I love this girl, but it's so painful to me that after all the time and love I've given her, she's still sad because of her ex. It just hurts knowing that nothing I do will be enough. I feel like I'm pouring my heart into her, but it's just leaking out if that makes sense. I don't want to leave her, but I feel so empty and sad. Is it really worth working through things with her, even though it hurts me? How do I approach this situation without disrespecting her feelings? --- &nbsp; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14zdrq8/update_25m_22f_my_gf_is_sad_all_the_time_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **by** u/ThrowRAscareforce **Fri, July 14, 2023** Hello everyone, just wanted to give an update since a lot of you were concerned in my last post, which I really appreciate. I know it's been a few days, but this just happened, so I want to get it out. And I’m posting this on a throwaway because, for some reason, my original account isn’t working. After the last post, she asked me if we could take a week apart to "figure things out." I asked her if we were breaking up, and she said no, just taking a break and giving each other some space so we can think clearly. Now, in the past, taking breaks has never worked in my previous relationships. But hey, I thought maybe this time she'd see the wrongs of her ways and come back to me more in love than ever. So a day goes by, and we're on our break, not really talking. Then all of a sudden, late at night, she asks me if she can come over that night. I ask her why since we're on a break, she says she misses me. This is at like 1 AM, so I'm sleepy and confused. Okay, I say, I let her come over, and she spends the night. The next day, she asks to come over again. I say sure, and she does. At this point, I start getting suspicious for a couple of reasons... 1. Her pubic regions were recently shaved, and she has very rarely ever done that with me, and we hadn't even done anything together in like a couple of weeks. I asked her, and she just said yeah, she shaved after work. 2. She was wearing a bracelet, which I had never seen before. I asked her about it, and she didn't even respond. So now I'm thinking something's up, but maybe it's just my insecurities. Oh well, I sleep it off. The next day, today, we go to work (we work in the same building). She sometimes leaves her phone in the car, and she did so this morning. Now this is where I will admit I am in the wrong, but when I was on my break, I went out to our car and looked in her phone. I saw so many messages to her ex, Tom. Saying how she wanted him. Those nights she came over to my house late? She was spending the evening with him earlier. She sent him nudes of herself that I took of her. The night before when I dropped her off at home, I saw she texted him 30 mins later telling him to come over. I felt sick to my stomach, and my heart was racing. I put the phone down, messaged her on Facebook to never talk to me again, and blocked her on everything, even her number. She then found me in my office and very loudly asked me what was going on, in front of my coworkers. I told her we could go outside and talk, and we did. I told her that I saw everything on her phone. She yelled at me, called me crazy, and said, "I can't be with someone so insecure as you," and then stormed off. I avoided her for the rest of the day. Later, at the end of the workday, she came by again, this time smiling and pouting, very softly asking me if we could talk. I said whatever, and we went outside again. The first thing she did was threaten to get the police involved because I looked through her phone without permission, which she said was a form of breaking and entering. I kinda laughed and said go right ahead if that's what you want. Then she started tearing up and saying, "why would you do that?" and I asked why she'd send nudes to Tom. She said it was for validation... I asked why she would even be with me if she felt that way about him, she said that she loved me and wanted to marry me and have kids with me... I asked if they had done anything... she said no, but part of me knows she’s lying. Anyways, as I'm sitting there listening to all this, a part of me is wanting to just hug her and hold her and tell her we're gonna work thru this together. But then I realize that the girl I loved was never real. I just loved the idea of her. That this girl sitting in front of me with her fake tears and apologies was just going to lie again. That if I got back with her, it would just enable her further. So at the end of the conversation when she asked, "Are we really done forever? We can't just work thru this?" I told her no, and that I was never going to see her or speak to her again. To which she just stood up, said, "If you say so...have a nice life..." and slowly walked away. I don't know what to feel right now. Why do I feel like I made a mistake? Why do I still want to unblock her and call her and tell her that I love her? I know she's not for me. Everyone at work tells me she's not for me. My family dislikes her. Idk. Is there something wrong with me? Why does a part of me feel like I could forgive her for all that? If I believed that they didn’t have sex, I could look past it as just her making a mistake. I’m just so confused. &nbsp; **Edit**: So after I got home from work, literally 10 mins later my doorbell rings, and it’s her. I ignore it, but then 20 mins later she’s ringing it still. So I open the door, and she’s crying, begging for me back, telling me she’ll do anything I ask her to do to make this work, that she loves me and only me and wants to marry me and have kids with me and move far away with me. I asked her, if all that was true why she’d do any of those things she did. She just cried and said she didn’t know, that she’s stupid and was looking for validation, that she has abandonment issues from her childhood… anyways, after we talked I basically just stood my ground and told her there’s no chance of making this work anymore and sent her home. She asked me to unblock her in case of emergency, and I only agreed for the next week or so while this settles down. I’m reading all your comments now, this is all just so crazy to me. How could this girl do this? I can’t even fathom talking to someone else while in a relationship, let alone cheating… &nbsp; **Edit 2**: Ok, so I blocked her again, per y’all's recommendation… but before I did, she had already sent me a few texts: “Was I wrong to assume we were getting back together?” “I mean we were fine yesterday and last night” “If you don’t want to be with me anymore fine” “I’ll accept that and leave you alone” I have a feeling she’ll be showing up at my front door again later… I just hope I have the strength to not open it. &nbsp; **Edit 3**: Well, she just left my house. I opened the door after she started knocking again, but I just walked outside and didn't let her in. I asked why she was here. She asked me "why am I the only one being held accountable here? Why aren't you holding yourself accountable for breaking into my phone and invading my privacy?" to which I just said, I fully know and accept what I did was wrong and I apologize. But that does not lessen what you did in any way. She then said "if you don't hear from me again, it's probably because I'm thinking of k*lling myself. Goodbye" and then she got in her car and drove away. What exactly should I do now? Is she just bluffing so I'll call her to make sure she's alright? If god forbid something did happen, would it be my fault? &nbsp; **Edit 4**: This will probably be the last update for a while. Somehow, she managed to message me thru Instagram and sent me this: "Dear ______, I hope you never give up on us. I'm trying my best to be better. Wait for me. I love you so much it hurts to think I might lose you in the long run -[Her Name]" Is she just trying to make me feel bad about all this? Because truthfully, it's starting to get to me. &nbsp; [**Being with her was like taking care of a child**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/15602uz/being_with_them_was_like_taking_care_of_a_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) *Just a rant from OOP* Every day was the same routine. I had to remind her to brush her teeth. To take her medicine. To wash her hands after using the bathroom. To shower. To charge her phone. I cooked for her (she never cooked in the 7 months we were together). Cleaned her house for her. Did her dishes. Took out her trash. Mowed her lawn. Took her dogs on walks. Did her homework. And what did I get in return? She cheats on me and then calls me insecure for finding out. No remorse at all. One time that sticks out is when she was leaving work, and over the phone tells me that the gas in her car is on Empty. I tell her, please get gas on the way home and she responds "Nah I can make it, I drove to and from work on empty twice already yesterday". So of course she gets home and later I ask if she ever got gas, she says no. So without even saying anything I go out to her car, but it wont even start because its completely empty. So I then proceeded to make 3 trips to the gas station with a gas canister just so I could fill her car up enough to where it would start so then I could drive it to the station. After all this about an hour later, I walk back in the house (she's laying on the couch half asleep like usual), say "I got you gas", get a half-assed oh thanks babe, and then I go nap before I have to make dinner for us in an hour. Why did I put up with any of that? &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the Original Poster!**

My girlfriend still has feelings for her ex

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/156965g/my_girlfriend_still_has_feelings_for_her_ex/

1569e4y

**I am not The OOP's, OOP's are u/Intrepid-Dark264 & u/implicationator **TIFU by showing my girlfriend a song for us to have sex to. + the girlfriend's post** **Originally posted to** r/tifu [TIFU by showing my girlfriend a song for us to have sex to](https://www.rareddit.com/r/tifu/comments/141bspv/tifu_by_showing_my_girlfriend_a_song_for_us_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 5, 2023** **The boyfriend's post** u/Intrepid-Dark264 Longtime lurker, first-time poster here. Today, I'm coming to you with one of my biggest regrets that mixes music, intimacy, and a hefty dose of unforeseen consequences. Brace yourselves, folks, because I royally fucked up when I introduced my girlfriend to a song for our intimate moments. Let's set the scene: my girlfriend and I have always shared a passion for music. We're both avid listeners, constantly seeking out new tunes and exploring different genres. Naturally we bang to music. One day, in an attempt to add a bit of flair to our romantic encounters, I decided to introduce her to a specific indie song that was on my Spotify Daily Mix. The song had that sexy indie vibe and the lyrics are about spontaneous hook-ups so it seemed like a cool fit for a bedroom playlist. At first, it seemed like a brilliant idea, she loved the song and I already liked it so we tried getting it on. As we turned up the volume and let the music envelop us, something magical happened. The pulsating rhythm, the echo of the guitar riffs, and the distorted lyrics seemed to synchronize perfectly with our movements. It was like the song was tailor-made for our passionate moments. Well she really enjoyed this and somewhat erupted quite quickly mid-way. I kinda thought that was awesome, at the time. Little did I know that this seemingly innocent act of musical experimentation would spiral into an unexpected dependence; as time went on, my girlfriend started to rely on the song to orgasm at all. Not only did she insist on playing it each time we did the deed, but she also felt the need to wear headphones, ensuring she could hear the song's vibrations from the bass. Yes, you read that correctly. She needed the headphones to fully immerse herself in the experience, and without them, reaching the pinnacle became an insurmountable challenge. It seemed that the song had become an essential ingredient, a bizarre but necessary addition to our bedroom escapades. To say this was a shock would be an understatement. Initially, I found it endearing that we had discovered such a unique way to connect through music. However, the situation soon became a bit too intense. I mean, who would have thought that a song could become a mandatory accessory for intimacy? Now, you might be wondering why this is such a problem to me. Well, for one, it kills spontaneity and makes me feel pretty unnecessary. Picture this: we're in the heat of the moment, things are getting steamy, and suddenly my girlfriend pauses, reaches for her headphones, and carefully places them on her ears before listening to another man and completely ignoring me while she gets off. It's a buzzkill, to say the least. Moreover, it's become a logistical nightmare. We've had instances where we're scrambling to find the headphones amidst the tangled sheets, desperately trying not to lose momentum. It's like a game of musical hide-and-seek, but instead of finding your partner, you're searching for a pair of headphones. Don't get me wrong; I love my girlfriend, and our connection is more than just this peculiar quirk. But, I can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed by the unexpected reliance on this song. It's taken our intimate moments into weird uncharted territory, and I'm not entirely sure how to navigate it. So, here I am, seeking advice on how to address this unique situation. Have any of you experienced something similar?? How do you strike a balance between accommodating your partner's desires and maintaining a sense of spontaneity? I'm all ears (no pun intended). TL;DR: TIFU by introducing my girlfriend to a song for sex and she now insists on wearing headphones to feel the vibrations of the bass, and without them, she can't cum. ———————————— EDIT: Okay okay, so a lot of you have asked for a link to the “magical orgasm song” and I’d like to set a disclaimer here and say I am not claiming this will work for you nor your partner! This is a very specific and odd phenomenon that I’ll elaborate on a bit more further down. I’m sad to say this is not a CBAT nor a Rickroll, although I kindof wish it was. Link removed as some have suggested it’s self promotion, while this isn’t the case I will not be linking the song to avoid that speculation. The song is called Cheater’s Guide to the Galaxy. Just a random indie track. Nothing exceptional about it from my humble perspective. There’s similar songs in our playlists but it’s that one she’s drawn to for reasons I can’t understand personally; my girlfriend insists that it’s just because of the bass and kick drums in the song but she has, on numerous occasions, mentioned the accent the singer has to me and that’s the main reason I feel weird when she’s listening to another dude WITH HEADPHONES because it makes me extremely suspicious it’s not strictly the beat doing it for her. A few messages + comments with advice has been great and I AM going to sit down with her and discuss how we might be able to stop using it as a crutch, especially such a one-sided, closed off crutch. I don’t want to upset her but I do want her to understand that it makes me uncomfortable and feel somewhat emasculated. It’s going to be a tough dinner tonight… Wish me luck Redditors. EDIT 2: Reddit, to be quite frank; if I could play an instrument, I’d likely try and pull something like this to promote myself but unfortunately this is quite the reality for me. Nonetheless I’ve removed the link for the song in an attempt to further try and “prove” this isn’t some kind of crazy marketing tactic. [TIFU by Finding My Boyfriend's Reddit Post About My "Headphone Requirement" During Sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/150cbqo/tifu_by_finding_my_boyfriends_reddit_post_about/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 15, 2023** **The girlfriends post** u/implicationator Posting from the trusty lurk account because, well, female posting about my orgasms on Reddit? Seemed like a smart idea. Hey fellow TIFU’ers??? Full warning, kind of a cringe-worthy story but I feel ready to laugh about it even though in all honesty I never thought all of Reddit would know what song gets me off. Yep, that was me. About a month ago one evening, I'm just chilling on the couch, browsing through my subreddits, when suddenly I stumble upon a post that makes my heart stop. The title of the post? "TIFU by showing my girlfriend a song for us to have sex to." Well about a week prior to this, my boyfriend had also shown me a song for us to have sex to. Maybe two or three sentences in and I realize this is 100% my boyfriend’s throwaway. Instant panic mode engaged! My brain was like, "Abort mission! Close the laptop! Deny everything!" But my curiosity got the best of me, and I had to know what my dear boyfriend had shared with the entire internet. Apparently, while I thought we were enjoying some private, intimate moments, my man had decided to let the world know about my little quirk. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I have, or had, this weird need to wear headphones and listen to a specific song on loop whenever things get, umm... steamy. I know, it sounds absurd, but hey, don't knock it till you've tried it. (And apparently a lot of you did try it and are with me, I feel seen!) Naturally, I was mortified and betrayed at first. I mean, the thought of thousands of random internet strangers knowing about my personal preferences was beyond embarrassing. But as I read through the comments, something unexpected happened. Instead of feeling attacked or humiliated, I found myself laughing out loud. The comments are a mixed bag to say the least. There’s some supporting us, some giving him truly heartwarming advice and a good chunk of people who thought it was some kind of CBAT reference. Some people even shared their own quirky music habits, which made me feel less alone in my weirdness. It was like joining a secret club of headphone enthusiasts. Fast forward to that fateful evening when my boyfriend got home from and we finally sat down to discuss what had transpired. Surprisingly, it turned out to be one of the most open and honest conversations we've ever had. We talked about our needs, desires, and the importance of communication in a relationship. It was refreshing to have such an open dialog about something that had previously been a bit taboo. Ultimately, we reached a resolution that works for both of us. While I still have the freedom to indulge in my unique headphone ritual, we also agreed to explore other avenues to spice things up. I’d go into more detail about what we decided on and what that means but I feel like the details of our intimate life has been posted enough to last for a lifetime. Although he was more than happy for me to write and post this little perspective shift. So, here I am, posting my own TIFU story about a TIFU post about me. Sheesh. Life sure has a funny way of reminding us that we're all human, with our quirks and eccentricities. Sure, it was embarrassing, but it also brought us closer and sparked some much-needed laughter. And in the end, isn't that what relationships are all about? To anyone who tried to help my boyfriend discuss it all with me or fellow online friends who stood in solitude with me and my odd habits, we’d both like to thank you. We’re also both excited to never share our sex life online again! TL;DR: My boyfriend made a Reddit post to tell everyone I listen to a song with headphones when he badonks me (which got very popular) and we had to have a talk about what we should do when we badonk, based on Reddit comment advice. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by showing my girlfriend a song for us to have sex to.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1569e4y/tifu_by_showing_my_girlfriend_a_song_for_us_to/

1569fpn

**I am not The OOP's, OOP's are** u/throwaway_09fucklife & u/throwaway-stargirl-  **My ex bf cheated on my with my older sister** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest + r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse. Destruction of property!< [Original Post - My ex bf cheated on my with my older sister](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14ekj3l/my_ex_bf_cheated_on_my_with_my_older_sister/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 20, 2023** Posted by u/throwaway_09fucklife Okay I've never used reddit before so I hope this is the right place to post and I apologise for any mistake I have made in this post. I'm quite emotional right now and I just want to hear any advice on what to do, I have dyslexia as well so I'm sure there will be plenty of mistakes. I've also posted this on another community and again, I really don't know how to use edit Okay so I (F19) was in a relationship with someone we shall call Sebastian (M20) . My twin brother Jackson (M19) introduced us and we hit it off right away, I mean he was my type and I thought he was the total package, attractive, had the bad boy vibes. I mean I thought life was improving for me, I mean I was finally reunited with my siblings after being split up from being in care I'll admit the relationship with Sebastian wasn't always healthy. He would put me down whenever I tried to better myself. He said I was always going to be that shitty teenager that no one likes. Sebastian would say the cruelest words but he would say the sweetest things to make up for it. I thought this was it, the relationship I deserve I know I'm rambling, I know typing it out its obvious the relationship was toxic, I wasn't perfect either I was possessive and borderline controlling I just didn't want him to leave me. My relationship with my twin Jackson and my older sister Astoria (F22)it wasn't perfect. My other brother elliot theorised they were resentful of the fact I was raised by our mother until I was 14 and then I was taken into care (we are all half siblings bar Jackson and myself ) but our mother wasn't an angel she was an addict and she should never become a mother. Okay, I'm rambling again it's just where did everything go wrong with us. I just didn't expect Astoria to do this, she was my big sister. I love her but at the same time I really feel so much anger Okay now on to the main story, so I just came off work, I'm an apprenticeship for becoming a residential worker, I just want to give back and finally do some good. I want to be a better person, so I was exhausted and I hadn't saw my sister in about 2 weeks so I thought I would pop in to her apartment and give her a surprise, maybe order a takeout. When I went over I saw my ex bf car parked outside the apartment complex again I didn't think much of it. I mean he's a friend to all my siblings bar elliot. So I thought they were hanging out. Imagine to my disgust and horror and surprise. I was hearing sex noises, I was feeling sick, but I was trying to convince myself it was just a movie...well it wasn't a movie (obviously) they were doing the deed in the living room A huge shouting match occured between myself and my sister and god I was so tempted to just slap her, I was feeling so many emotions. I mean Astoria tried saying sorry but she fell in love with him. Sebastian didn't even look me in the eye. The flipping coward am I right. I told her point blank that I don't have any respect for her and she reminds me of mom. She was crying I mean none of us wants to be compared to our mom, it's the worst insult and she called me a bitch and saying I got everything and that I can't even support that she's finally happy Yeah but at my expense, anyway I told her to go fuck herself and when I finally got home where Jackson is. He laid it into me, saying I took it to far, and that I know Astoria hasn't had it easy. He said the most gut wrenching thing I have ever heard to date "you know you aren't easy to love" I honestly wanted to throw up, it's having every dark thought of yourself and being validated by the person who should always be on your side. Anyway I'm currently in elliot home and more specifically his closet, it's cramped and dark and I can just hide away and cry. I just fuck, I'm so heart broke and everything Anyway i just want advice, how can I make Jackson see my side. Is there even a relationship to salvage with Astoria, what if we get family therapy. I don't want to lose my already short family. Does this pain ever end, I know this sounds fake, if it wasn't me, i would think its fake as well but it's not, god is it bad I miss Sebastian but at the same time I hope everything goes wrong for him. Maybe when my heart stops hurting I can actually think how to make him hurt how I hurt. Anyway seeing this all down on a phone screen, feels a bit better, getting it all off my chest [Update: fml she's pregnant](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14hzv2w/update_fml_shes_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 24, 2023** I honestly didn't expect to update this so quickly because I thought things would remain stagnant since I decided I was going to go no contact with my twin brother Jackson M-19 and my older sister Astoria (F-21). So again sorry for shitty grammar I'm angrily texting this Well imagine my fucking surprise to find out that shes 2 months pregnant and Astoria has been sleeping with my then boyfriend Sebastian for over 6 long ass months. I'm so furious and I'm gutted and never in my entire life do I want to wish all the horrible things to happen in my entire life. You know what the fucking nerve Jackson said to me, this baby can be a good thing and if I want I should be the baby godmother do I fuck, I'm not wasting my salary on this baby no way. Jackson also said I should apologise to THEM because i could make Astoria loose the baby from all this stress.. Like what about the fucking stress to my mental health, again I'm so sorry for swearing so much. I know Sebastian has been texting me alot but Elliot won't let me even look at the texts. The only good thing I got going is this kind redditor pming me and my older brother elliot who has my back I'll probably edit more things into this when my anger suspides and I can remember more things but god I'm so done who needs enemies with family like this [Update×2 Cheating ex is being a shit (Literally)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14w3p16/update2_cheating_ex_is_being_a_shit_literally/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 10, 2023** Jackson- 19 Sebastian- 20 Astoria- 22 Elliot- 21 I just want to point out I know all my siblings and I are all close in ages because again I grew up with a shitty alcoholic and drug addicted mother who doesn't use condoms and incase your wondering Elliot and Astoria is my half siblings. Jackson is my twin (this is just a bit of lore incase your wondering why everyone ages is so close together) I honestly don't know where to start but since the last post things was slowly cooling off. I was thinking finally I can heal. I can take my mind off from the evil trio ( aka Sebastian, Astoria and Jackson) but no I was being optimistic for thinking along those lines So not long after the post, myself and elliot have been coming home to shit being smeared on the door. What type of shit your thinking of human shit!. I mean isn't that fucking lovely. At first, I honestly didn't think it could be them because how low and how much do you lack dignity to do this. So elliot and I installed some cameras around the property and we watched in Action dear ol Sebastian taking a shit and smearing it on the door Now obviously we did the responsible thing after freaking, gagging and again cleaning up more shit. We went to the police but they weren't all that concerned saying he's just a boy getting over his breakup and do I really want to ruin his life????? I mean that doesn't make any sense Elliot the best big brother that he is, kept complaining until they finally gave my Ex Sebastian a warning yippee Astoria and Jackson are claiming ignorance that they didn't know Sebastian would do this but I'm calling bullshit So after dealing with all this stress, it turns out my new friend from work went missing. I'm just hoping she's passed out from a night out or something But again fml, fuck my life, fuck family and again I know this sounds fake but seriously what the hell is the majority of my family on Update on Astoria drama I got a lot of voice messages saying I'm trying to win back Sebastian. Yeah no, Astoria you can keep your baby daddy Only blessing in disguise is Jackson has been mostly silent Mini Edit: I also want to thank my new redditor friend that I made on here who is making fun of Sebastian 💜 ##**THE SISTERS POST** [AITA for falling in love with my then sister's boyfriend](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/150nil8/aita_for_falling_in_love_with_my_then_sisters/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 15, 2023** [Recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/150nil8/aita_for_falling_in_love_with_my_then_sisters/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Posted by u/throwaway-stargirl-  Rafe-M20 OP-F22 Sister-F19 BabyBrother-M19 For some backstory I’m the oldest of the kids on my moms side (my dads side is a mess which I won’t get into). Me and my siblings were all in and out throughout our lives due to being in care and an overall crappy childhood. I’ve always felt like the lesser sibling especially compared to my brother who was always better at school. Eventually my brother managed to make a friend. This guy was so smart in an underrated way, good with his hands, and he was popular. He even defended me from one of my foster parents though he was always called ‘bad news’. I had a huge crush on him and even was working on building up the courage to ask him out when. I realized he was taken with my sister. The two were thick as thieves, he could handle her toxic behaviour (she is in therapy getting better though). She was able to keep up with how cool he is Until my younger sister got this apprenticeship. She said it was a good thing, she would get work qualifications and money. She suddenly didn't have time for any of us anymore, saying she was tired and busy and I would understand when I get a job. (I'm on benefits because I've got awful social anxiety and ptsd). Rafe was always hanging about my place since she was working every day practically When we talk, we could talk until for hours. It just made me realise all those feelings I had those years ago, was more than a crush it was love. Rafe admitted it and we have been together ever since. It's true love, I've never been happier, I mean it's finally my turn to get rewarded by all the shit I've been through I'm the one who truly understands rafe, the only one who can possibly understand him is his best friend (my brother) They have a really strong bond, they would do anything for eachother. I get it, I would do anything for my baby bro, he's 19 and sure he's rough around the edges but I've done my best to protect him from people who don't actually love him, not like I do. I won't let any foster parents hurt him in any form Anyway I'm getting off topic, Rafe and I have been together for a while now. My sister hasn't even noticed why I've been so happy recently it's made me quite sad. When did we drift so far apart. I mean we are starting a family together (I'm pregnant I told my youngest brother first, albeit in the family drama, my other siblings did find out) Anyway while my boyfriend and I were making love. My sister caught up and she was furious, she kept yelling at me me I tried to say it just happend, she can't stop love from blooming and it could be a good thing. She has been MIA ever since really. Since being alone with just Rafe and Baby Bro, I've been thinking maybe I should report her to her work for her cruel behaviour Anyway please be kind to me in the comments I am pregnant So AITA for falling in love with my baby's sister boyfriend **VERDICT: POST REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM A THIRD PARTY** **Ok-Arachnid-890** >YTA you got involved in a relationship you should not have and as karma I hope you know Rafe fucked your brother **OOP replied** >>He wouldn't do that to me, Rafe loves me, we are in a healthy relationship. He's going to be a dad **Ok-Arachnid-890** >>>They both got really drunk and both did that we straight thing that led to something happening. But yea if he was willing to cheat on your sister with you what's to stop him from cheating on you with your brother **OOP replied** >>>>No they didn't, my brother and rafe wouldn't do that to me. How would you even know if they did. What are you a fucking stalker??? I am getting karma, positive karma, for having my childhood. I have an amazing boyfriend, a baby on the way and a great uncle in the making **Ok-Arachnid-890** >>>>>They did and it's actually hilarious how I know. Also didn't you hurt your sister and betray her for a guy? >>>>>Yea you and all your siblings had a shitty childhood so you all deserve happiness but you were the only one who tried to take one of your siblings happiness even though in the end Sebastian sucks and is basically subconsciously your dad to all 3 of you. You all got daddy issues which is why you each were attracted to him and instead of helping each other you try to tear other down. When people have gone through horrible things together you'd think they'd stick together, support each other and understand the struggles of one another but instead you chose to be selfish. Good luck **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My ex bf cheated on my with my older sister

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1569fpn/my_ex_bf_cheated_on_my_with_my_older_sister/

156k8ti

I am NOT OP. Original post on Ask A Manager trigger warnings: None &#x200B; How do I avoid “mom energy” with my younger employees? ([https://www.askamanager.org/2023/04/how-do-i-avoid-mom-energy-with-my-younger-employees.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/04/how-do-i-avoid-mom-energy-with-my-younger-employees.html)) - April 24, 2023 &#x200B; I’m a 40-year-old woman managing a team of 10 in a tech company, where several of the team members are 10-15 years younger than I am. How do I avoid “mom energy”? Specifically, my employee Annie and I met in-person for the first time last week at a workshop. In a group session, I got some feedback that I’m too curt in my conversations sometimes. Annie and I sat down together in private and I asked her to fill me in on the details, like how long it’s been going on (I’ve been stressed the last couple months and was hoping it was related to that). I’ve been managing her for two years and she’s been at the company for five. This is her first job. &#x200B; “Since you started,” she said, “it’s like you’re my mom, always checking up on me and scolding me.” That baffled me, because if there’s anything I absolutely don’t feel like, it’s anyone’s mom. I don’t even feel like I’m in a different generation from those I manage — I don’t have kids myself and I certainly don’t have maternal feelings towards these colleagues. Although I don’t hide my age at work (someone’s gotta represent the mature women of tech), we don’t talk about pop culture or generational differences. So I think it must be about the tone. Annie prizes flexibility in when and where she works above all else, which is fine with me if it doesn’t affect her work and I know when I can expect her to be working, which is where we keep butting heads. Looking back at our chat messages, I do see my tone getting increasingly impatient as I remind her about the same thing for the fifth time: “Good morning! I see that you have declined the team meetings for the rest of the week, what’s up with that?” “Good morning! Are you working? If yes, attending meetings is part of that, unless you are working on something with more priority, in which case I would expect you to say that; if not, I expect an out-of-office blocker on your calendar, so that we know when you are available.” “Hey, we’ve talked about this more than once. If you are not actively working during normal working hours, you need to have your status set or an entry in your calendar. X is broken and Joe has been waiting for an answer from you since an hour and a half ago. That’s not acceptable.” Is this a me problem, a her problem, or both? Where is the line between manager and mom when giving critical feedback? I’m also pretty sure I heard another employee, Jane, once mumble “yes, mom” at one point. Those are in fact the two employees who push against the rules the most and this one was also in their very first job. &#x200B; **Allison's advice has been removed. However, you can still access the link to read it and other comments on the story.** &#x200B; Update [https://www.askamanager.org/2023/06/update-how-do-i-avoid-mom-energy-with-my-younger-employees.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/06/update-how-do-i-avoid-mom-energy-with-my-younger-employees.html) \- June 21, 2023 &#x200B; I have an update. Buckle up. After the post, I took my concerns to HR, and we agreed to draw up a document with the exact steps that Annie needed to take when she was out of office, outline the consequences, and ask her to sign that she’d read and understood them. As well, I told Annie that I would no longer be reminding her of anything via chat, and instead she should expect consequences should the appropriate steps not be taken when she’s OOO. So far so good. After my meeting with Annie, I sent the document over via email and asked her to have it back to me by the next Wednesday. She missed the deadline, so I put an appointment with me and our HR person on her calendar. Immediately she called me to ask why; when I said it was because she’d missed the deadline, she told me, “I only read the document. I didn’t read your email. Everyone in this company communicates via chat, you can’t expect me to read emails.” Insert mind-blown emoji here. As a result, we gave her an official warning during the HR meeting. She found that exceedingly unfair. In her view, any time I’d asked her to stop doing anything, she’d immediately stopped and never done that same thing ever again. Also, it wasn’t fair that I hadn’t told her about the warning when she’d called me. She then was trying to rules-lawyer the document because one part I had outlined wasn’t in her contract or the employee guide – HR had to tell her that as her boss, I was also allowed to request her to do things not specifically written down somewhere else. She found all this so unfair that she set up an individual meeting with every manager-level member of our team and at least one of her peers, and tried to talk to the CEO, to the facilitator who had been at the original workshop, and to my boss – all this after we had explicitly told her that the way to appeal was through HR. The CEO, who was on her way to a meeting, declined – and Annie popped back with “Well of course you don’t have time for me.” The facilitator contacted me to ask what was going on, because they had the feeling that Annie was trying to manipulate them. A few hours before our regular one-on-one the next week, right after my boss had called in sick and canceled the meeting she’d put on his calendar that morning, she told me she was not in a mental state to talk to me and that she would not be attending. When I offered to move the meeting, she said she would just wait for the next one. I told her I hadn’t offered skipping as an option. Annie promptly called in sick for a week and a half. When she came back, it was with a letter from her lawyer demanding that we retract the warning. Aside from accusations about retaliation on my part and saying that she’d been forced to sign the document, she also doubled down on it being unreasonable to expect her to read emails – in her version, I was laying a trap by sending the document via email. Rather than spending time and money on lawyers, we offered to accept her resignation with some severance pay, which she’s agreed to. Hopefully that’s the end of the saga. P.S. Here’s the script I used to respond to the mom thing as part of this: Thank you for your openness last time we talked. I did want to follow up with you on one piece of what you said — the ‘mom thing.’ You’re not a child, you are a capable adult professional; and what I am doing is managing you, not parenting you. Framing it that way undermines you, it sounds like you don’t understand the difference between a manager who is setting expectations and a parent who is scolding you. It also plays into harmful stereotypes about women and authority – a woman isn’t recognized as an authority, a leader, a manager – instead she gets called a “mom”, and that doesn’t happen to men. I know you didn’t intend it that way and didn’t realize how it came across, so I wanted to flag it for you.

How Do I Avoid “Mom Energy” With My Younger Employees?

EXTERNAL

Green7000

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/156k8ti/how_do_i_avoid_mom_energy_with_my_younger/

156oj8e

**I am not the Original Poster. Original Post By** u/ProfitComfortable717 **in** r/AITAH *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* mood spoilers: >!Wedding drama, personal growth!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14l5p0f/aitah_for_refusing_to_accept_my_boyfriends_demand/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, Jun 28, 2023 I (24F) am from an Indian/Bangladeshi background. My boyfriend (26M) is white. Though he has grown up in a more conservative way, he is still very chill about culture and tries to blend into it. We have been together for 3 years. My cousin is getting married next week. Since it is a desi wedding, you can understand the planning has been going on for like a year. And the functions last for days. So, we have this function called "Holud" where people apply a turmeric mask on the bride, and there is also singing and dancing (for context: you can google "haldi." It is the same concept). My cousin's holud function would be as big as her wedding, and each member is requested to perform a dance number. I have 3 dances ready for the function. One is my solo, another is a group dance, and the last one will be a couple's dance like they do in Bollywood. My boyfriend knows this, and he had no issue with it. He has been to Indian weddings before, so he knows the deal. His issue is with the couple's dance. He doesn't want me to perform it. The couple's dance isn't very intimate. It's just a boy paired up with another girl, and they do dance steps together. I was paired up with a relative of mine, he is my mom's cousin's son (tbh I still have no idea how we are related, but we are). I asked him what the problem is, and he told me he doesn't want me to dance with a random guy because it makes him look bad. And since I am committed to him, it would be like cheating. I am a bit confused. He didn't have a problem until now. The dance rehearsals have been going on for 2 months. He has been to every rehearsal. I told him fine, I will see what I can do because I do not want to upset him. Now he is saying I shouldn't be dancing at all. His reasons were that it seems inappropriate. No female member in his family ever danced at a wedding where they are the center of attention, and since I will be on the stage, people will be looking at me. He doesn't want that. I tried my best to explain it to him that this is a part of my culture. I am not going to drop my culture just because he is uncomfortable. We had a fight, and he is not talking to me. He most probably won't come to the wedding as well. AITA? Because I never wanted to do things that would hurt him. I am just trying to understand his perspective. **Edit**: Just to remove confusion, my boyfriend was asked if he wants to be part in the couple's dance. He agreed first, but after 2 days he said the steps were complicated. So we replaced him. And the song was not very intimate either. It was not sensual like salsa or twerking. [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cDoRqPnCXU) is the song and dance. --- &nbsp; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14zkgrg/update_aitah_for_refusing_to_accept_my_boyfriends/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Fri, July 14, 2023 Ok, so I am done with the wedding stuff. Me and my boyfriend haven't contacted each other during the ceremony. I just told him via message that I had already promised my cousin about the dance. I cannot step down because the functions are near. I told him I will talk to him once the wedding is done. I get no messages from him. I kept checking my phone. We have had fights and disputes, but we always text each other to let the other know we are fine. I was worried a lot. I called one of his friends, and they told me he is fine and doesn't want to talk. So, I thought he must be mad at me. I became busy with the dance and wedding. Yes, I did perform the dance. No, I do not have the recordings with me now. I will get the official video after a month. Also, in case anyone is asking, I won't upload it because I don't want to give out my identity along with my cousin's. So, after the dance, I messaged him, and he still didn't reply. Something was off. I went to message him on another social media account in case I get him to talk to me. But there I saw he was tagged in a post by his friends that they are at a strip club. There was a video of him getting a dance from a stripper and licking alcohol off her boobs. I was disgusted. There were multiple stories from them of my boyfriend taking lap dances and other nasty stuff. I tried to enjoy the rest of the ceremony, but I was upset. He finally called me the next morning. And we had a fight over the phone which my cousins heard. Basically, he was angry with me and wanted to teach me a lesson to show that what I was doing is similar to him getting a dance from a stripper. I called him a sick man and broke up with him. I am fine. The wedding kept me distracted. I had fun and looked nice in my "ghagra choli". My cousins were petty. Since they were still friends with my ex on social media, they were tagging him in every picture that includes me. Especially the ones that are single pictures of mine. He blocked all of them. Thanks, Reddit, for making me see that he was not worth it. I will be fine, and I am going to stuff my face with the leftover wedding food for the rest of the week. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the Original Poster.**

AITAH for refusing my boyfriend's demand about me dancing at my cousin's wedding

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/156oj8e/aitah_for_refusing_my_boyfriends_demand_about_me/

156p2cp

**DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT OP -** the OP is u/throwRAGayRoommates, first posted on r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!house fires, death, bullying!< mood spoiler: >!sad but theres a happy ending!< &#x200B; [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/komofd/my23m_boyfriend_24m_wont_talk_to_me_and_is/): january 2, 2021 (Throw away cause my boyfriend follows my actual account) My boyfriend's house burned down when he was young after electrical issues never disclosed to his parents. He and his father were severely burned. They lived but his mother died. He and I met in freshmen year and became best friends in sophomore year. I've never seen his scars in full good view (until now), only small glimpses if his shirt rode up and he'd quickly fix his shirt to cover it. He always hides his scars, constantly wearing jeans/pants and long sleeve shirts even if it's super hot outside (his scars start from the bottom half of his ribs to just above his knees so this is the only way he can cover them.) Even bringing his pajamas into the bathroom to change into. He's done this ever since I've known him. Even after sex, which we do in the dark (which doesn't bother me because I know this is what makes him comfortable), he'll immediately get changed back into his clothes back on before we cuddle or do anything else (once again, I'm fine with this just trying to explain that I know how uncomfortable he is with his scars.) I know he is ashamed of his scars and when we were friends I was fiercely protective and always changed the subject if his scars got brought up, which he always thanked me for. I have never and would never ask or pressure him to show me. I don't judge his scars or think they're ugly. I thought he knew I wouldn't judge him because some of his dad's burn scars are impossible to cover up, one of them covering half his face and never once have I judged or even thought his dad's scars were disturbing. He's a very handsome man- they both are which is why I'm so confused by his reaction and accusations of this. I work weird hours (I'm a nurse) so sometimes I can come home at 9 am, sometimes 5 pm, sometimes the ass crack of dawn. I went to immediately take a shower. I was in airplane mode and was completely exhausted. I opened the bathroom door and he was getting changed. I saw his scars. I'll admit, I stared- not because I thought they were gross but because I was having an 'oh shit' moment knowing I fucked up. He and I have been dating for quite almost a year. I had to move into his place a while ago after my parents went no contact and cut me off after I came out and told them I was dating BF (long story short, toxic bible thumping parents) so I'm not used to sharing an apartment with someone. He blew up at me, yelling at me to "GET OUT" (Note: He has **NEVER** yelled at me before this, sure we got in spats and small fights where he raised his voice but he never full-on yelled.) I shut the door and he went quiet. I was pacing in the kitchen for almost 20-30 minutes when he quickly walked past me trying to leave when I stopped him. He was PISSED. Yelling at me that he "thought \[I\] would know how to knock by now" and questioning if I did it on purpose. I was trying to explain while trying not to cry because I saw how red his eyes were, I knew he was crying. I couldn't say anything just made incomprehensible sobs as I tried to explain that I was but he wouldn't listen and left without saying where he was going. I'm heartbroken. He texted me an hour ago with a single message of "I'm not coming home, tomorrow we can talk about our relationship." I immediately messaged him back asking what that meant and spent several minutes watching that little text incoming bubble bob in and out before he texted "Whether we should stay together?" AS IF IT WAS OBVIOUS I have no idea what to do! He's my boyfriend! My BEST FRIEND of 8 years! What the hell do I do? I love him, I can't imagine life without him! His dad is like a father to me! I have nowhere else to go if he kicks me out! Above it all, I can't lose him! I'd rather have to go through coming out again than lose him! How do I make it up to him? How do I let him know that I'm sorry and never meant to make him uncomfortable? Edit: u/ValorFoxPotatoes brought up a good point that made me think so I should specify: He was bullied for his scars. A huge bully of his from middle school always sniffed the air when he entered a class and said (really loudly) "Ew- you guys smell that? Smells like bacons burning!" (he was a little chubby in middle school) every time he entered a room then laughed. Also, in small glances, a lot of our guy friends would say how "cool it is! Looks like Deadpool's skin!" They were trying to be nice but failed horribly (hence my fierce protectiveness over anyone bringing it up.) And his family always emphasized it doesn't matter what he looked like on the outside because he was "beautiful on the inside" (seriously wtf?) He's also mentioned having a really bad ex-gf who had issues with his scars in the past but never went too deep into it and I'm starting to wonder if that's what his overreaction and suggestion of a break up was rooted in. I'm taking mental notes on all the comments on what's the best way to approach this and they're really helping thank you. **UPDATE:** january 3, 2021 (a day after the original post) Update: So- I tried to update this yesterday but can't post within 48 hours so I was going to wait but someone DMed me to suggest I just put the update here- SO HERE WE GO. A lot of your comments were very helpful and I didn't get to reply to some but I read them. Most of them were along the same basis, get him to go to therapy and make sure he knows his scars aren't an issue for me. As well as setting up a place to stay in the worst-case scenario that he kicked me out (Spoiler alert: that did not happen.) I didn't sleep a lot last night and based on some comments (thank you u/Tryzagain) I decided to send a text that I love him and his scars don't bother me so that it could relieve some tension. He didn't respond to that but he came back in the morning. We talked for HOURS, where it started with me apologizing for walking in on him and that I didn't mean too. He admitted that he knew that and apologized for yelling. I suggested we get locks on doors and he seemed pretty happy about that. To clear the air, I asked him about the "Whether we should stay together?" text and if it was rooted in his ex-gf. Basically, asking if she broke up with him over that. He admitted that he thought she didn't mind his scars and took his shirt off in front of her. She decided to gasp and start making a big deal about how he "cheated her" and that he made it seem like the scars "weren't that bad" and **broke up** with him (I have a newfound hatred for her now.) He said he knew it wasn't an excuse but his brain immediately went to that and he freaked out. I asked if he wanted to break up and he was just trying to find an excuse and he quickly said no, specifying that he was just trying to give me an out if I wanted it. When I tell you I was **RELIEVED**. He asked if I wasn't disgusted why I stared and I said that I had an 'oh shit' moment of panic knowing I fucked up. He felt awful and apologized for making me feel so uncomfortable in our home (every time he says 'our home' I have a serotonin-high) and that he'd try to work on being more comfortable with his scar.s That's when I suggested therapy. He instantly got defensive saying that he already had therapy and it didn't work very well. I pointed out that the way he wants us to live isn't healthy, that we can have locks and a '*knock before entering*' policy but him expecting me to never see him naked was unfair to both of us. That it was his insecurities getting worse and me enabling it. He was dismissive of these points saying how it wouldn't change things, it didn't work the first time why would it work now. I pointed out how he almost threw out a 9-year-old relationship over me accidentally walking in on him. He tried to say that locks would help stop that from happening again (me walking in on him not him throwing out the relationship) and I said "It might, but I don't want you walking on eggshells either. I want you to be comfortable with me. I want you to trust me." He begrudgingly agreed to talk to his dad about what therapist he went to and going to to see them (I'm going to text his dad just to make sure he does this in a few days.) I also repeated a suggestion that other people suggested about getting tattoos or going to couples counseling and he just stared. He asked something along the lines "Why do you care about seeing my scars so much? You didn't care before." Not mean or aggressive just genuine confusion. I kinda laughed awkwardly and said "I thought that you would show me on your own when your ready but I don't know about that anymore. Baby, I love you but I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your scars from me. Nor do I want you to worry about me breaking up with you overseeing your scars. I love all of you including your scars." He started crying (wasn't the first time in the conversation, tons of tears shed on both ends) and I comforted him. He said he didn't want me to be stressed out in our home and that he was sorry. He was a lot more open to couples counseling than personal therapy which was a half-win that I'll take (for now.) We talked about our future some more and I asked if he ever thought that he'd be comfortable with me seeing his scars. He said that he wants to show me but he's not ready yet- I was happy to accept that especially since he's agreed to couples counseling and therapy. I am so proud of him. I've summarized a lot here but once again this was a very long, LONG talk. We got dinner and slept (which we both really **really** needed.) And as of today I'm doing research on couple therapists while he went to work. Long story short we are getting on a better path with a plan for the future where I can see his scars. I won't be showing him this post because quite a few comments were pretty rough on him and he doesn't deserve to read that for a having (reasonable) break down, lord knows that man has dealt with plenty of my breakdowns. Thank you everyone for the suggestions and support (all the hug awards made my day so thank you.) \--- **note**: i am NOT OOP

My(23M) Boyfriend (24M) won't talk to me and is suggesting we BREAK UP after I saw his burn scars

CONCLUDED

the-co1ossus

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/156p2cp/my23m_boyfriend_24m_wont_talk_to_me_and_is/

156zs0i

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Bats are the only true flying mammal in the world, additionally not all bats use echolocation, but a majority do. Content Warning: None Mood Spoilers:>! Happy for OP and their coworkers!< I am not the original poster, that would be u/NekoGirl343 on r/ChoosingBeggars [**He wanted to be paid to take days off**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/ksjn9q/he_wanted_to_be_paid_to_take_days_off/) **(Jan 07, 2021)** I work at an office, and this happened a few days before Christmas break started As parents, and even just as young working adults, we all want to get our Christmas vacation time to relax. My company gives everyone a bonus three vacation days every Christmas holiday, on top of the three weeks we get per year. (It's very kind of them to do that for us) There are three characters: Me, my boss, and the choosing begger, who I will call CB So CB is the type of guy who doesn't care much about anything except money. He's constantly asking for raises even though his work is crap, never brings any food to the party when we host special occassions, takes more than his share when coworkers bring in snacks and goodies, that kind of person. Another thing is that he was ALWAYS taking days off. He blew all of his 3 weeks' worth of vacation days back in february, and nowadays when he takes days off he just doesn't get paid. (This still makes him angry, especially when he comes back to a lot of work needing to be done.) This Christmas holiday, CB got especially snotty about christmas vacations. He constantly talked to my boss about the christmas vacations, and asked everyone else what they were gonna do on theirs. Not really against the rules, this was just a little uncomfortable. So one day I was walking to the little kitchen we've got in our office, and I walked past my boss's office and I heard "I don't want three days, I want all the days off." It was CB's voice. I knew he was probably chewing my boss out for more vacation days, and it wasn't really my business so I just walked off. Well a few hours later, it was everyone's business. CB kept walking up to people and complaining about his vacations. Everyone else had saved their vacation days especially for this time of year, and when CB heard they had enough to take an entire week off (he didn't care that they'd saved their vacation days), he marched to my boss's office and started demanding more vacation days. I think in the end my boss just told him "take the days off if you want,", because the office was a lot quieter after that. <fast forward, this Monday> So CB came back to work after leaving the office for two weeks and he looked really mad. I knew that my boss had emailed everyone their paychecks over the holidays, so I was guessing it had something to do with that. My boss's office is just a few doors down, and if you yell everyone can hear you. (Which was why the entire office heard their conversation) It went like this: CB: Dude, you owe me money! I'm gonna sue you for not paying me! Boss: I already mailed you your cheque! CB: You mailed me half! You're trying to stiff me! Boss: I paid you everything for all the time you've worked. CB: No, I calculated it all, and it's missing roughly four months of pay! Boss: Since you took the days off, I didn't pay you. For the holiday season I paid you half for every single day you took off, and I wasn't supposed to do that. You actually got an extra week of paid vacation day. That's privilege. CB: Well it's not enough! That extra four months had better be in my account by next week or I'm reporting you!! What happened next was something pretty shocking. By now everyone's heads were poking out of their offices, listening in, and who could blame them? To everyone's surprise, my boss didn't fire the guy. He just said "I don't owe you money for time you haven't worked. If you want I'll take out that extra week's pay." CB stormed out of my boss's office, ignored everyone watching him, and left. I haven't seen him since, and I'm not sure if he's taking more vacations or finding a new job. My boss said he hadn't officially quit but we're still waiting to see. Basics: Selfish CB wastes all vacation days, keeps taking them anyways, and demands to be paid. **OP Then Posted An Update As An Edit On The Original Post (January 11th, 2021)** EDIT: the part you've all been waiting for! (Drumroll please!) Today CB came back to the office looking pleased with himself. I was headed to the washroom and he stopped and grabbed my hand and said "guess WHO is here to pick up his four month paycheck!" Really smugly. I knew my boss had something up his sleeve (or honestly he better have) so I forgot all about the washroom and went back to my office and pretended to do work. The conversation between my boss and CB was pretty long, long story short it started out friendly, four minutes into the convo CB asks for paycheck and my boss says "you had some nerve coming over here to ask for that paycheck. You want vacations? You'll get vacations. You can leave now. Go anywhere you want, I don't care. You're fired!" Honestly the look on the guys face was priceless... One of my co-workers had videotaped the thing and sent it to us. Best day of my life because even thought I've got a bit more work now there's no CB in the office.

He wanted to be paid to take days off

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/156zs0i/he_wanted_to_be_paid_to_take_days_off/

157482y

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/No-Letterhead-1459 **in** r/offmychest TW: >!Physical and emotional abuse, grooming, threats of self-harm!< Mood Spoiler: >!Hopeful update!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14nc5cm/my_22m_wife_34f_broke_my_arm/) \- Jun. 30, 2023 **My \[22m\] wife \[34f\] broke my arm** My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2. We have a 3 year old daughter together. My wife can be verbally aggressive, angry when things don't go as she wants. Usually it's a flash in the pan, she'll calm down quickly and be apologetic. A lot of the time she is kind, loving, a wonderful mother. Last night though, we had a row about my job. An old friend from school has joined my team recently and we've been catching up. My wife wants me to quit or get her fired. I've repeatedly told her no. She had been drinking, and she slammed the kitchen door on my arm. I went to the hospital and was told it's broken. I'm angry and upset. I didn't go home, stayed at a hotel and intend to do so again tonight. Shes been spamming my phone with texts and calls, saying she doesn't know why I left. It's like she doesn't remember. Edit: Wow I wasn't expecting this level of engagement. The ages are right. I was 14 when we met, had a lot of fucked up family dynamics and essentially grew up alone. She was 26 worked close to school, and would talk to me each day when I came in. She asked me to stay and talk to her one day when I was upset and it's gone from there. I've arranged to stay with a friend for a bit. I'm going to the house later to check on my daughter and pack some things. I've asked that she be out of the house, her brother will be there. I'm taking on board what people are saying. It never felt abusive until the other night. Edit 2: Little one is now staying with her grandparents on my wife's side. They're aware of what happened and are not going to let them be alone, but until I'm more settled they won't let me take her I'll get it sorted. She needs safety, I do too. \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1510ign/update_my_22m_wife_34f_broke_my_arm/) \- Jul. 16, 2023 **Update: My \[22m\] wife \[34f\] broke my arm** So I thought I would post an update about what's been happening. Firstly, thank you to everyone in the original post who opened my eyes. One person mentioned that i likely didn't have an idea of what a healthy relationship dynamic was like and they were right. I grew up in a broken and abusive family. Knew that wasn't right but didn't know what the alternative was. She took advantage of that and made me feel she was the only one who would love me because of how broken I am. I know that's wrong now. We are now broken up and I now have Mia, my daughter, full time. I've taken time off work to help her adjust, as all of this has made her start to be really clingy. Thankfully my boss and team are really supportive. I've let my now ex-wife know I want a divorce. Made it clear why. The night I told her, she blew my phone up with messages and threats to harm herself. Things that worked on me before, and came close to again, but I told her playing the victim won't change my mind this time and turned my phone off for the night. I haven't filed a restraining order or pressed charges, yet. I'm still processing the knowledge of what our relationship truly was. She made me feel special for the first time in my life and I fell for it. It's very hard not to blame myself. I have an awesome group of friends around me who have offered help. Once Mia is more settled, one of my friends who is a part time nursery nurse has offered to look after her during the day. We'll be able to make it work. I'm contacting my ex-wife's parents only when I have to, as I'm recognising some attempts to try and harm me through Mia. And I won't let that happen. Mia is my world. She's laughing more. Sleeping better. She used to get scared because if she was too loud, my wife would snap. She knows she can be loud with me. It's baby steps, but we will get there. \~\~\~ **Relevant** [**Comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1510ign/comment/js61ujb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (in response to being asked how his arm is doing): *I've got another 3 weeks in a cast. It's a break to both my radius and ulna.* \~\~\~ *Note: Marked as ongoing since it definitely doesn't seem concluded, but OOP didn't indicate that they planned to update again so I'm not sure. I really hope things go well for him and his daughter.* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

My [22m] wife [34f] broke my arm

ONGOING

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/157482y/my_22m_wife_34f_broke_my_arm/

1574clr

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowawayAlaska999](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowawayAlaska999/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!parentification; neglect!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad but OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14fk9u0/aita_for_running_away_from_home/)**: June 21, 2023** Throwaway because my dad's on Reddit. Sorry if long. I (15F) will be a junior in high school once the new school year starts. I have a little brother I'll call 'Matt' (3M). My parents both work full time jobs in the business district. I was a planned baby, but Matt wasn't. My parents considered putting him up for adoption, but couldn't do it (they don't know I know this). Once my mom ended her maternity leave (2 weeks early), there was a schedule of who watched Matt when: Mom leaves for work at 4:30 AM, waking me up on the way. I watch Matt until I need to go to school at 7:00, and by that time, my dad is up and takes over. I get home from school at 3:45 PM, and my dad leaves for his work at no later than 4 PM. I watch him till my mom gets home at 6 PM. For the first year, that's how it went. I was fine with that. Now, my mom has shifted her hours to work later. I watch Matt till he sleeps, and I can't sleep till my mom gets home, which is usually 10-11 at night. On top of that, I do anything that needs doing at home. I'm in AP classes, and have my homework to do as well. Matt's not very well behaved (he's had health issues since birth that cause him discomfort); he's a toddler, and I get that, but his tantrums and general demeanor make it hard for me to get things done. The two things that tore me down most happened a week before school ended back in May. I managed to talk to my mom and asked her if we could please hire a sitter to look after Matt (I want to take on some extracurriculars). Her response was they didn't need to waste money on that, because they had me. Two days later, my mom got home at 5 PM (early, for her) and after eating dinner, told me to ask the school if I could shorten my class load next year in order to spend more time at home, since my dad also apparently wants to shift his hours. I told her no. She got mad, saying I needed to be more understanding and accepting. I had enough and blew up. I can't remember what all was said but I do remember yelling that I wasn't my little brother's parent. I stormed to my room, stuffed some things in my backpack, and left while my mom was distracted by my brother. I'm safe; I called my grandmother and explained what was going on. She and my mother are estranged, but we managed to stay close. Once she picked me up and got the details, she said she understood. My parents blew up my phone, demanding I come home and telling me I should be ashamed I'm acting this way. My grandmother blocked their numbers. She did talk to them, and they agreed I can stay where I'm at until I 'get my head on straight'. I feel guilty for leaving my brother , but at the same time, I feel so worn out. Other family weighed in. While most are on my side, others say I need to accept my duties in the family and suck it up. I'm conflicted and don't know what to do. AITA for running away? **Update (In** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14fk9u0/aita_for_running_away_from_home/jp1334j/?context=3)**:) Same Day** UPDATE: Posting here in the comments since doing it in the post pushed me over the limit. Thank you to everyone who left comments. I feel more confident in my decision now. A couple of people said I needed to talk to my parents about a sitter or boundaries. I've tried, before the last time. They either brushed me off or said things like "that costs so much money" and "but you do such a good job" and "you're the big sister, it's your duty to watch him". I looked up parentification, since I'd never heard it before, and all the boxes were ticked. I had no idea. My grandmother is talking to an attorney, and wants to set up an arrangement that will let me stay with her my last two years of high school. After I graduate, I plan to go to college in another state. Thank you again for your kind words. If something major happens, I'll let you all know. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/151nbi8/update_aita_for_running_away_from_home/)**: July 16, 2023 (Almost 1 month later)** It's been a few weeks, but quite a bit has happened. I'll try my best to keep things concise. Once again, thank you for all your comments and support. They meant a lot to myself and my grandmother (who says hello). Firstly, my father managed to find my post despite my efforts. He told my mother about it, and she proceeded to blast me to the members of my extended family via social media, saying I made them look bad. She deleted the post a few hours later according to my cousins (who support me). A few days later, during a meeting between my parents and myself, my grandmother, and our lawyer, my father apologized to me, and I felt it was sincere. As for my mother, she was silently fuming. Matt was at their house with one of my aunts. They agreed (with great reluctance on my mother's end) to give my grandmother full custody of me for my remaining three years as a minor. The next day, my grandmother and some of my supportive family members helped me get what I had for belongings out of my parents' house. I didn't feel true relief until that moment. Now, I'm trying to enjoy my summer. I'm hanging out with friends. Going swimming. I'm relaxing. I'm finally reading books I bought three years ago that I never got a chance to read. I'm planning extracurriculars for next semester, and even planning a birthday party, my first in three years, for my sweet 16 in February. I'm also helping my grandmother around the house; I do chores, but this time, I'm getting an allowance. Even my sleep has improved. It's a whole new way of living, and it's kind of overwhelming, but I've never been happier. Hopefully, this is the last time I post. I'm going to log off Reddit and go out with my grandmother for some shopping. Thank you all. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you get all of your documents?* "Our lawyer was with us when we went to get my things and requested all my important documents. My father handed them over. My mother hid in the master bedroom." *Make sure to go completely no contact:* "Back when I first left the house, my grandmother blocked their numbers and I blocked all their socials and emails. I don't hate them (life's too short for hate); I don't even think I'm angry anymore. Just disappointed and let down." *Any chance they will neglect or abuse Matt when you're gone? Have they before?* "I don't believe they did; mom would get frustrated because of how fussy he was, but never abused him. Dad was more patient with him. I think they honestly thought I had some gift when it came to him, like I was able to keep him behaved/calm. I wasn't." *About her brother:* "I hope to reconnect with him once he's older, but with our mother being who she is... who knows?"

AITA for running away from home?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1574clr/aita_for_running_away_from_home/

157f9eg

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1464y8y/my_boyfriend_of_5_years_told_me_he_does_not_want/) originally posted by u/Which_Ad_6090 in r/TwoHotTakes on 10 Jun 2023 **My boyfriend of 5 years told me he does not want to have kids. Help.** Hello everybody, I (female, 27) have been together with my boyfriend (male, 27) for 5 years now. We moved in together quite early in our relationship and everything was great until November of last year, when we decided to get a cat. I had been wanting to have a cat for a long time and in 2021 I asked him if we could get a one. He told me he was not really a cat/pet person in general and he didn’t think it was a good idea, since we both work full time. It made sense at the time so I accepted and never mentioned it again. Until August 2022, when HE suggested we should get one, as he knew it would make me really happy. I was over the moon and we got our kitty in October 2022. In December 2022 we got a 2nd kitty. Cats are very social animals and they are way happier if they are not alone. My boyfriend was not very sure about it, but I convinced him. I looove them so much. Yes, they are a big responsibility, and yes, the do make a lot of work. But I don’t care, they’re a 100% worth it. I am the one who takes care of them, my boyfriend does not need to do anything. He had to feed them a couple times since I was away for work, but that’s it. A couple of months ago we had a big fight. We have been having some trust issues (I caught him lying a couple times, hence my trust issues) and the situation was really tense between us. During this fight he told me he did not feel comfortable anymore at home, because of the cats. He told me they make him nervous when they run and play (they’re kitties?), it bothers him that we have now a cat tree and that there are cat toys laying around the house,.. you get it. During this fight he also told me he wanted us to give the cats away. I stopped him and told him that I am not the kind of person, who gets pets to give them away later. My family and I have always have pets and our last dog was with us for 17 years, until she passed away. I love pets and I see them as a part of the family. Once they are there, they do not go anywhere. Since the day they I got them, they became my responsibility and I could never do that to them. I would never forgive myself. I told him we would find a solution and make it work. Again, I am the one who takes care of them. I clean the cat toilet twice a day and always vacuum and dust everything once I get home from work. I keep the house clean. But cats are cats, you cannot control them like a dog. Don’t get me wrong, they are not bad behaved cats, they are really cuddly and they follow me everywhere…. But they are cats. The situation between us was still tense because of the trust issues, but I thought that we were on good terms regarding the cats. A month ago we had another fight that had nothing to do with them, but he told me he could not live with them anymore and they had to leave. He says he can’t relax when he gets home from work because they are there. I remembered him I would not give the cats away. I also remembered him HE was the one who suggested getting one and I do not think he is being fair, he also knew how it was to live with cats (his parents had 3 when he lived with them).He told me he knew it was his idea and he regretted suggesting it. I thought it could not get any worse, but then it did: he said “if I am being honest, I do not think I even want to have kids.” I froze and asked if he was being serious. For me, it was clear that we were on the same page about kids (my fault I guess). We had never have a serious conversation about it, but when we spoke about our future, I always mentioned kids and he never said he did not want any. He said it was not a 100% NO to kids, but he could not imagine his life with kids right now. I told him I could not imagine my life with kids right now either (we are still young and are focussing on our careers), but that I am a 100% sure that I want to have kids in the future. I have always known I wanted to become a mom. I told him I did not want to pressure him but that I would really appreciate if he could be honest with me (and with himself) since this is kind of a deal breaker. I also told him I did not expect an answer vey soon, since it is a life changing decision, but in one year or two I would like to know for sure. We left it at that. Today we had another conversation/fight. As I mentioned, the situation is tense between us, but we have been trying to make it work. Today he told me once again that the cats have to leave. I said they are not going anywhere. He said he couldn’t believe that they are more important to me than him. I told him it has nothing to do with it, but that they are not toys you can take or give away as you please. We went back and forth for a while. Then the topic children came up again. This time he told me he is pretty sure he does not want to have any. Not now, not in the future. I didn’t know what to say. He asked me if I was a 100% sure I do want kids, I said yes. I asked him what he expected me to do now? Give the cats away and then not have any pets ever again and not have kids either? He said yes. He asked if he is not enough to make me happy. I told him he makes me really happy but I have to be honest with him and with myself. And I know I would not be happy without kids. There was a lot of silence. He’s gone with a friend now. I’m home thinking about everything we said. This is a deal breaker, right? I am starting to doubt myself. What if we go separate ways and I never meet anybody I want to have kids with? I do not know that to do and I am really scared. Is this the end? 3 months ago I was sure we would get married and have a family together. Last year I was waiting for a proposal! I also live in a foreign country. I already lived here before we met, I didn’t come here because of him. But it makes it a 1000 times worse being away from my family and friends. I am really sorry if my English is not perfect. It is my third language. I am also really sorry because of how long this post is. I just needed to get it all out. Thank you so much if you find time enough to read it and give me your advice ❤️ ----------------------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/146zzk2/update_my_boyfriend_of_5_years_told_me_he_does/) originally posted by u/Which_Ad_6090 in r/TwoHotTakes on 11 Jun 2023 **UPDATE: my boyfriend of 5 years told me he does not want to have kids** Hi guys, I posted this update on the comments but I am not sure if that is the right place to do it? (I am new on Reddit) So I am reposting it here. UPDATE: I still can believe I’m writing this right now. Many of you asked what was the reason for the trust issues. I don’t know if you read the comments, but I caught him lying about having drinks with a coworker we had already had fights about. He knew what my position was about this girl. This happened in December of last year (two days after my birthday, yay). I forgave him and told him that if he wanted me to trust him, he needed to be a 100% honest with me. I also asked him to keep their relationship 100% professional, I mean, I know they work together and will still have to have contact with each other. Two months later I saw he had received a pretty long message on his phone. Out of curiosity I asked who it was. He said it didn’t matter. I’m sorry, what?? I asked him to show it to me and he didn’t want to. I mean, if you don’t have anything to hide, what is the problem? Yes, he was texting with her. He told me everything had to do with work. He also told me they just had kind of the same humor and just got each other. I guess there’s nothing wrong with that, right? I told him once again that I didn’t have a good feeling about this girl. I told him clearly what my boundaries were. He told me he understood, he didn’t want to lose me and he loved me. I believed him once again. My mistake. So now we come to yesterday after our conversation. He told me he needed some fresh air and went out. He didn’t come back in several hours and I thought he had went to a birthday party with a friend. I thought this was kind of weird after such a conversation? Anyways, around 21pm I get a text message from a mutual friend, asking me if she and another friend could come over. I thought this was kind of weird. We always did things together in a group, with our partners and other friends, but never alone. I told her they could come. Once they arrived I saw immediately there was something really wrong. I could tell they where really nervous and one of them was about to burst into tears. She told me she was really sorry, but she needed to tell me something. Turns out she was out with his BF and some friends when she saw my BW drinking a beer on a terrace. He was sitting at a table with a girl. She thought it was me and went to say Hi. Once she got closer she could tell it was not me. It was his coworker. They were holding hands. She knew about my issues with this girl, I had told her what happened. She went up to them and said “hello?!?!?” In a sarcastic way. He says their faces went white, but he quickly changed and ask if they wanted to join them, as if there was nothing wrong with the fact they were together. She said no and left. Then she texted me. I just could not believe what I was hearing. I had been so sad the whole day, but now I was just feeling angry and disappointed. I didn’t know what to do. I could not stay at home just waiting for him to come back. I also didnt think he thought this friend would come directly to tell me what she saw. The girls stayed with me and I told them what happened earlier in the day. And how I could not believe that the first thing he did after that was going to her???? I knew I needed to see them with my own eyes, and make sure he knew I saw them. I knew approx where this girl lived, so I asked them if they would come with me on a drive, just to check it out. We arrived and I KID YOU NOT after 2 minutes of us being there, we see them coming around the corner driving an electric scooter together. He was driving and she was hugging him from behind. They didn’t see us. Once they parked they started walking to a building (where she lived). I saw him hugging her from behind and giving her a kiss on her cheek. I also saw him putting his arm around her shoulders while they where walking. Everything is on video since my friend started recording when they arrived. I run up to them and told him what a complete asshole he is. His face once he saw me was again completely white. He asked what was going on. What do you fucking mean what is going on???????!!!??? I told him I didn’t want to see him ever again and left. We were on the car about to leave as he came around the corner to talk to me. He told me once again he did not understand what was going on. I asked him what he was doing with her holding hands and kissing her on the cheek. All in all, his explanation was that he went to her looking for some advice regarding the kids topic. He said he did want to lose me and was trying to figure out what to do. He told me she was his only female friend he could trust. I told him that still did not explain why they would hold hands or why he would kiss her in the cheek. He said that was his way of thanking her. Are you kidding me? I am still in shock and can’t believe that really happened. I am so happy my friends where there too and made a video, because of course he has already tried denying what I saw… He came home, we argued about it and he kept saying he just wanted to get some advice from a female friend. He said he was sorry about the kiss but he denied putting his arm around her. I told him I have it on fucking video? He also kept saying he never kissed her on the mouth or have sex with her, so he hadn’t done anything wrong nor crossed any boundary. I told him there were many other things that were also crossing a boundary!!!!!!! And I reminded him how I had clearly told him before where my boundaries where!!! I really cannot believe he thinks he has not done anything wrong?? He also said he cannot believe I was thinking about leaving because of some cats and some kids we don’t even have. I’m completely heartbroken. I never thought he was this way. If I have been so long with him, is because I really thought he was a good guy. He was always supportive, kind, attentive, he made me feel loved… and now everything has turned into a nightmare. **REMINDER, I AM NOT THE OP**

OOP's boyfriend of 5 years told her he does not want to have kids

ONGOING

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/157f9eg/oops_boyfriend_of_5_years_told_her_he_does_not/

157jl7j

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/DrOogieBoogie42 on r/Entitledparents This is a new update to two BORUs KittenDealinMama made the [first](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12803uh/entitled_stepmonster_got_herself_banned_from_my/) three months ago. The [second](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12yazza/entitled_stepmonster_got_herself_banned_from_my/) was made two months ago. Trigger Warning: >!Child abuse!< Summary of previous BORUs: OOP's stepmother is very controlling. One of the ways she controls is through party planning, then complaining when things don't go her way. OOP got engaged in 2021 but his fiance Jane ended up pregnant, so they delayed the wedding. His stepmother keeps trying to hijack the wedding planning. Besides their baby, they care for his fiance's 4yo half brother Luke. Stepmother doesn't like Luke and thinks Jane babytrapped him. One day, OOP needs his dad to babysit the kids and dad brings stepmother. She finds out that both kids are going to be ringbearers in the wedding and slaps Luke. OOP presses charges against stepmother and goes no contact. They got a restraining order and, at first, his family wasn't very supportive. Turns out they hadn't been told the correct version of events. Once they found out, most were on OOP's side except his stepbrother and a few others. His father tried to explain everything away, but OOP went NC with him also. [Update 3: Stepmonster is gone, and I think it's for good](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/14ycfcl/update_stepmonster_is_gone_and_i_think_its_for/) July 13, 2023 After being engaged for over two years, me and Jane finally got married last Saturday. We're still getting used to calling each other "husband" and "wife", but we'll get there. Hopefully. The wedding was awesome. The kids had fun, our extended families finally met and we danced so much I could barely stand the next day. Luke took his ring bearer duties seriously, and held my son's hand as they walked down the aisle. Besides my aunt getting shit-faced and being led out on a wheelchair (which I already thought would happen anyway), everything went according to plan. It's been 4 months since we got the RO against SM. Things have been mostly quiet, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Except *completely* quiet, but we can't always get what we want. I never really worried about SM showing up at the wedding, especially after the RO. It's literally illegal for her to come close to us, and we made it very clear that if she tried, we'd call the cops right away. My friends still warned me to take safety measures, most of which I did. SM didn't show up, of course, but I'm a strong believer that any money spent on security is well-spent, so no regrets on that end. My stepbrother and I wished each other happy birthdays, and he also texted Jane on hers back in June. That's the only contact we've had during these months. He knows that the door is still open if he wants to apologize. My dad has given up on trying to reach me. We haven't spoken since April. He's still trying to talk to my sister, for some reason, but she's ignoring him. A few days after she went NC with him, they had a huge fight over the phone about SM's treatment of us over the years. Insults were thrown, sore subjects were brought up and, most importantly, my father took SM's side on almost everything. My sister called me crying afterwards. I wanted to call him and yell at him, but she told me not to. She's doing okay now. She hasn't blocked him, but doesn't take his calls or answer his texts. She's only gotten three: a weak apology, one on my birthday back in May, and a long rant after neither of us wished him a Happy Father's Day. After all, despite our "differences", he's still our father. He's not wrong. I love my father, and I always will, but I can't be around him anymore. While I've closed that door, I'm not locking it just yet. He knows what he needs to do if he wants his family back. I don't think he'll do it, but if there's the slightest chance he might, I'll consider opening the door an inch or two. This is my wife's suggestion. I'm a lot less optimistic than she is, but maybe it's important to hold onto that hope. She hasn't forgiven him, though. Or SM. Jane has always been very protective of Luke, so it was no surprise that this disaster shook her. A part of me was scared she'd blame me, but she called me a dumbass when I told her that. I've been in therapy for a few months, and it's helped a lot more than I thought it would. I've realized SM's behavior around me growing up was a lot worse than I always thought, and it's great to finally be able to get my feelings off my chest. Right now, I'm more than happy. I just married the most amazing woman ever, and I have the family I always dreamed of. None of us are perfect, but I never thought life would be this great to me. I'll stick around (Reddit is a lot more than I expected), but I can sleep peacefully now, so it's safe to say this will be my last update on this. Thank you all for the kindness and advices you gave me these months. I could have never expected the support I got from you guys, and I can't begin to describe how helpful it was. Seriously, thank you all. EDIT (3 says later) OK, I updated too soon. I didn't want to write another post, so I'll just add this here: My stepbrother called me earlier today. Apparently, he and SM had a fight and he wants to meet up. I agreed as long as it was just the two of us. We're meeting up for coffee on Wednesday. I have no idea what to expect, but even if he does apologize, I need to know he understands how and why he let us down. *Although OOP says this will be the last update, SM hasn't gone to trial yet, so we may get another. I'll mark this "new update" but I also don't think it's concluded either.* *Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not go to the original posts and comment on them.*

[New Update] Entitled Stepmonster got herself banned from my wedding

NEW UPDATE

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/157jl7j/new_update_entitled_stepmonster_got_herself/

157zikv

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Sensitive-Bit81755 **I found out about my wife's alter ego after I accidentally opened her google docs on the home computer.** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/150llcd/i_found_out_about_my_wifes_alter_ego_after_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 15, 2023** This is weird as hell. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 7. We have a 3 year old daughter. I thought I knew everything about her. There were no secrets. But that was a lie. My wife works from home as a freelancer. She sometimes uses the home computer. One day she was taking a bath. Usually when my wife takes a bath she takes 45 minutes. I was using the home computer because my personal one was in repair shop. I saw my wife's google account was still logged in. She had google docs opened. I got curious, because the tab that was open seems like an online book because it had double quotation marks. I got invested in it and read the first chapter. I was interesting. By the 4th chapter I realized it was smut. It had many graphic sex scenarios and in very details. It was a fanfiction. I never knew she wrote fanfiction. When I met her she was very shy. We didn't have sex until we were 5 months into the relationship. She always came off as prude to me at first. But eventually our sex life got better. I just thought it was because she was more comfortable with me. It was a month ago. Sometimes I read the stories that she wrote. It was all smut. There were like 10 stories in total. The ones I recognized was from Jujutsu Kaisen, Attack on titan and Harry potter. There were sex in every position. Some of them I don't even know about. The way she writes those scenes is very stretched out and in details. It feels like I am with a different person now. She has not changed yet. She is a devoted wife and mother. But I have questions. Why did she hide it? Was she lying to me about being uncomfortable with sex when we were dating? I know she has had relationships in the past. Does she wants sex like in those people in her stories? I am not really mad that she writes fanfiction. But I am shocked to discover this side of her. She is a talented writer but I am not so sure how I feel about her writing about sex. I cannot say this to anyone. Not even my wife because she will be angry at me for reading her stories. Because if she really wanted, she would have told me. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1529vmr/update_i_found_out_about_my_wifes_alter_ego_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 17, 2023** A lot of you people have requested an update, so here it is. First of all, I need to clear things out people have asked. Yes, I do watch porn, my wife knows it. She doesn't have any issue with it. I do not watch it regularly though. Only once or twice a year. Also I do not have a problem with her writing fanfictions. It just struck me like a train when I discovered it. And no, my wife doesn't write underaged stuff. All of her characters are adult. No Snape and hermione sex stuff like one guy mentioned in my previous post. So now the real update. I asked my wife about her fanfictions. She was stumbling on her words and asked me how I knew about that. I explained everything to her. It was not my intention to snoop. It was just her google doc account was logged in. I was going to use that so I clicked in one of her stories and then got invested in it. She told me she had no intention of hiding it from me. She never told anyone about this because there was just no point. I asked her if she was unhappy with our sex life and wanted to do something more. Because her fanfic had BDSM, threesome stuff. She told me she is not interested in doing any of that. She is happy with our sex life but she had couple of things in her mind she wanted to do but not now when we are both buried in work. She told me her google docs only contains few stories but she has more saved on her real computer. I was shocked. I never realized she had such an interest in writing about sex. She further reassured me she doesn't see herself. She just sees the characters. It is similar to playing with dolls instead she is doing it through writing. And in her writing, she mentions things like- cheating, threesome, open relationships. She doesn't like those things and has no interest in it. She was upset because I snooped into her work. I apologized for that. She called me a grandpa for taking it too seriously. Well, that's it. I will not ask her about her fanfiction projects anymore. Though I did ask her let me read some stuff because the stories are very interesting. If I am being honest this is better than actual porn. In actual porn there is no feelings, everything is fake. But in her stories the characters create sexual tension first and don't just jump into fucking. The characters have stories that keeps me engaged. So that's it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I found out about my wife's alter ego after I accidentally opened her google docs on the home computer.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/157zikv/i_found_out_about_my_wifes_alter_ego_after_i/

157zklo

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Otherwise_Leg286. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating but tentatively hopeful?!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/150bcpx/aita_for_not_taking_in_my_in_laws_and_not_helping/)**: July 15, 2023** Throwaway account. I (24M) do pretty well for myself, have my own place a stable/boring job that doesn't require much of my attention and pays well while I work from home, have plenty of hobbies buy nice clothes. Just in general have a pretty comfortable life, my Fiancee (26F) moved in when we got engaged about 2 years ago. Important context is that everything is on my name. And she doesn't pay rent only bills specific to her (like buying the things she likes to eat with her own money) and helps with some of the utility bills. About 10 months back my father in law (56) was diagnosed with a pretty curable case of lung cancer, since he had an early-ish diagnose. But my in laws don't have the best financial condition and these months of medical bills and other expenses might see them homeless and father in law without money to stay on his treatment. My in-laws have always treated me like shit, and were always openly against my relationship to their daughter, to the point where they'd explicitly would tell her not to bring me to family gatherings and invite her ex. Things of this nature, and yes she had my back and stopped attending said family gatherings, but she still loves her family and they mean a lot to her, so she asked if we could take them in and help her father with his treatment. To which I said no, without thinking twice. She asked if I can't think on it for a few days and I replied "if I think on it for a few days I'll only be more sure of my already obvious conclusion, they're not setting foot here and I don't care what happens to either of them" she replied saying something along the lines of us having the income to spare (and that is true but around 70% of it is my income not hers) and space (also true) and asked me if my hobbies and spending money on myself (that kinda got me annoyed since I spend a lot of money on US not just me, although yeah I have a few hobbies I spend on) was really more important than her family to which I simply said "yeah, it is". Now, my Fiancee didn't blow up at me or anything, she's not one for conflict but she called me an asshole and has been staying last couple of days over at her parents, still calls me before bed every night but is still clearly pissed at me. Very very pissed. AITA? **EDIT:** Since a lot of people asked and some pointed out it could be important INFO, I come from a Japanese family and she, her family and her EX are all African-American. Also another frequent question is if I know why they dislike me, I don't, they won't say anything to my face ever but have disliked me from day 1 and I know that they argued with my fiancee because of me several times, especially in the earlier days. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Where is all of HER money going?* "Fancy wines, fancy clothes, expensive hair salons and beauty products and I kid you not.. Valorant skins" "She has bought I believe quite literally every bundle that came out ever since the game left beta." *Someone points out that that is over $5000* "Seriously? I wasn't even aware of that... Again I don't judge her for spending on her hobbies, but she should have savings regardless and she doesn't" *How does she have no savings?* "She's completely financially illiterate and irresponsible just like her parents. She's the kind of person who'll only realize the money is gone when they try to swipe the card somewhere and it gets declined." *Is she only with you for money?* "She was with me before I was financially well. People change, so idk." *Moving forward:* "As I said I'm another comment she has now stopped with the silly purchases and all that and is putting her money towards helping them, but it's not nearly enough to keep them afloat considering all the debt they have" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): July 17, 2023 (2 days later)** Well yesterday FIL and MIL where at the doctor's the whole afternoon so my fiancee came over for a talk and said she understands why i refuse help them, and said that being at their place just over a few days reminded her i was completely in my right to not care as even in bed with cancer her father won't shut up about her breaking up with me. She apologized for having even asked in the first place as they don't deserve it even if I was willing (her words). She also said that while she was angry at the way I spoke about her parents possibly dying/being homeless(as many of you suggested I apologized for the way i spoke) she was angrier at herself for being just as financially irresponsible as they are a not having any money to help them herself. I pointed out a bunch of issues with her financial decisions that she agreed had to change and she asked for my help with teaching her to be more financially responsible. She asked if I felt used for her not paying that much around the house, I said no, but if it'll make her feel better and help her make better financial decisions we have a couple more bills around the house she can pick up, but told her to only worry about that after her father is done with treatment and for now just keep helping them with her money. Then I spent a whole bunch of time explaining to her all the different resources, social programs, financial aid and charities her parents could reach out to (like a lot of you suggested as well, thanks), so they can stay afloat while FIL gets his treatment and just gave her some general financial advice. I also found a buyer for their house, bellow market but still, they get the money they need and can move into a cheap-ish rental that fiancee and her parents can split the rent for now.

AITA for not taking in my in laws and not helping them with medical bills

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/157zklo/aita_for_not_taking_in_my_in_laws_and_not_helping/

1587cqh

This is a New Update on a story I shared here previously. Originally posted by u/fluffllamapajama in r/AmItheAsshole on March 10, '23 updated on April 3, '23. New updates on May 20, '23 and June 1, '23 will be marked with 🔴🔴🔴 if you want to skip ahead. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Cheating, cancer!< &nbsp; **[Original March 10, '23](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11o75p3/wibta_for_not_having_my_cancer_stricken_ex/)** &nbsp; WIBTA for not having my cancer stricken ex husband stay with me through his treatment? For most of our marriage my husband (39M) and I (37F) had a very happy relationship. We had good jobs, decent money, two kids and loved each other. Then he got diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and we went through years of painful treatments and recovery together. We moved to a small house to be close to the research center where he underwent treatment. His parents paid half of the down payment on the house, the other half was from our savings and investments. In the divorce he gave me the house and took all of his medical debt. We have been divorced a year, but now his cancer has come back and he needs treatment again at the same research hospital. He wants to stay in what is now my house while undergoing treatment and his parents expect me to house him and look after him because he was generous in letting me have the house without taking his rightful share from the equity. When we were married and he was undergoing treatment, it was new stuff that was expensive and also very physically draining on him. We were lucky that both our jobs were supportive and flexible, but with his health issues, little kids and expenses, we had to downgrade our lifestyle a lot. That plus the physical changes in his body made him very depressed. Whenever he felt a bit better, he'd go stay in his hometown. It's a small town where most of his family and a lot of his childhood friends live. I was doing all the care-taking of him, while also dealing with insurance complications. I was also managing the kids, the entire household and my full time job. We had help from friends and neighbors but it was very hard. I wasn’t happy about him spending his healthy days away from us, but it was good for his mental health so I didn’t feel like I could object. While he was staying there he had reconnected with his high school girlfriend. A couple years ago he admitted to me that he was sleeping with her and I filed for divorce. He had fully recovered from his cancer by then. There are other aspects around the cheating that left me very heartbroken and feeling betrayed. His giving me the house and taking all the debt was an apology of a sort. His parents feel that I owe him for getting the house and should let him stay there for the 2-3 months his treatment is at the facility. I do want him to be well and I don't want my kids to lose a loving father. But I can't deal with having him around me, especially not if I end up being his nurse and caretaker again. I am still very bitter about how our marriage ended. A lot of people close to me are telling me that I should support him for the sake of my kids. WIBTA if I say I can't do that? &nbsp; *In the comments:* They announced their engagement the day the divorce was finalized. That still hurts so much. . I am struggling with this so much. I don't think I hate him, a part of me still loves him as an old friend. I definitely wouldn't want my kids to suffer the devastation of losing their father. He loves them and is loved by them. When I look at it as an outside observer, I can understand what he was going through in falling in love with someone else. During the worst parts of his illness I was frequently cleaning up after him, his vomiting, his loss of bowel control. I pulled muscles and injured myself helping him move. He found that emasculating. So I can see how he'd find it appealing that someone still saw him as the old him when he was healthy and strong and I became the nurse figure. So I tell myself that and I don't hate him. But I went years without sex because he was sick. The loss of libido was an expected temporary side effect of his medication. I accepted that and made do with being celibate. I feel guilty talking about how painful it was because I should be greatful he survived and that is so trivial given the situation. But I would masturbate in hiding, didn't even get a vibrator because I didn't want him feel bad or awful for not being able to do it. And all this time I was making do thinking he wasn't able to, he was sleeping with a whole another person. And that disloyalty still makes me cry. . >Even without the cheating and whatnot, caretaking is a full time job and it’s very taxing emotionally, mentally, and physically. You’re not his wife anymore. You have no obligation to do this. OP: The last time I did it out of love, I can just not do it now. It was very difficult. The big upside to me in getting divorced was not having to deal with that anymore. As difficult as it is to take care of a sick person, dealing with the insurance bureaucracy and keeping track of all the medical contacts and treatment details is a pretty big logistical nightmare. >Maybe for the sake of his children you could allow him to stay there but he or his parents pay for a nurse or aid to care for him. >You are certainly not obligated to help him in anyway, but your children are old enough to know he's ill and if you choose not to help him, it will likely adversely impact your relationship with your kids. If not now, later, especially if something happens to him and he dies, if you dont help him, i fear they will blame you for not.helping him by at least allowing him to stay there. OP: I hadn't started thinking on those terms yet, but yes you are right, I have to measure how my kids will react to this. I haven't told them yet that he is sick again. They were very little back then and only knew that Dad was sick and got better. Now my oldest is big enough to understand cancer and what that means. My ex has been the fun Disney dad since we separated. They adore him. . >The chances of his parents being unaware that their son was sleeping with his high school girlfriend when he came home is zero OP: Oh they knew and supported him. They were always good to me so it wasn't like they wanted to break up my marriage, but they were in whatever makes him happy because he survived cancer. I think he received some sideeye for this from people who knew what we went through. And my ex inlaws did damage control by making overly gushing social media posts about how the gf always looked out for him and made him laugh when they were kids and did it again when he was going through a hard time. As if her comedy skills are what cured his cancer. I was just the background maid/nanny/assistant character that can be ignored. Sorry, I am still bitter and I keep regurgitating the same stuff. . *About the inlaws:* They are my kids grandparents, the only loving grandparents my kids have. They dote on my kids and drive hours to spend time with them and take them places. I resent them, but they are good grandparents. *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update April 3, '23](https://www.reddit.com/user/fluffllamapajama/comments/12ann9t/update_wibta_for_not_having_my_cancer_stricken_ex/)** &nbsp; Update: WIBTA for not having my cancer stricken ex husband stay with me through his treatment? The Sunday after I made the post to AITA, my ex inlaws picked up the kids for a zoo trip. They sometimes come to pick them up to entertain them and so I thought nothing of it. A few hours later a very teary and contrite MIL dropped off two bawling kids with me. She told them their Dad is sick and will die if he doesn’t stay with us and go to the hospital. We hadn’t had a talk with the kids yet about the diagnosis and she dropped it on them that he is dying from cancer. He is not dying! It’s a painful treatment but he’ll recover. I was so furious I was raging. I called the ex and tore him a new one. He was shocked too and we together exploded at his Mom. She broke down and cried begging me to not take away her grandkids from her, as if I’d trust her after this. Ex and I together talked to the kids (him on video) and assured them that yes he is sick but he’ll be fine. He just needs to go to the hospital and they’ll make him better like the last time he was sick. The kids settled after that but my oldest has been at me crying and begging to make Dad come live with us. I promised them I’d talk to Dad and figure out what's the best thing to do. I swallowed a lot of bile to talk to him about why he was doing this. We had a pretty long and detailed discussion. The bottom line is that he’s broke, he still has a decent job but his credit is ruined, he has a lot of debt and he stupidly got the cheapest insurance that barely covers anything. Fiancee is no help either, she’s worse off financially. So he needs a place to stay, he can’t afford this otherwise. His parents are funding some of his medical payments and are already stretched. He was financially alright when we broke up so I have no idea what happened in such a short time. Anyway, ex and his gf moved into my daughter’s room. My daughter happily gave it up to her Dad and is sharing her little brother’s room. Both kids are over the moon happy to have their Dad in their home. My daughter keeps checking on him every few minutes to make sure he’s still ok. MIL traumatized my kid, I’ll never forgive that woman for this. I let the gf move in with him because I was too angry to care about who came to look after him as long as it wasn’t me. I didn’t know how I could bear having her in my home, but it appears to be more misery for her than me and that strangely makes it more tolerable for me. She is teary eyed and crying all the time. It’s only been three days but I am so annoyed I want to shake her and tell her to pull it together. The current treatment plan is for 3 months, I am counting down the days. I am thankful for the many people who gave me great advice on my last post. I wasn’t expecting things to go this way, but they played me by manipulating my kids. I’ll slowly pull myself and the kids away and move, but for now I’ve to deal with this for my kids sake. ​ ETA: I was trying to make this update more than a week ago. So to add to that, ex's treatment is coming along nicely. The tumors that grew again are much smaller than before and the new stuff that they are giving him is more directed too so he's not having as many bad symptoms as he had last time. I had promised myself I would do nothing to help and I stayed away from both ex and his fiance. But I did end up helping him deal with insurance. His fiance has the personality of a wet noodle and cries all the time, it was easier for me to do it than deal with her struggling. Ex is polite enough to me, but his personality has changed. He is a different person and not very nice towards his fiance. I didn't expect to, but I feel sorry for her. &nbsp; *In the comments:* *Commenter encourages OP to open up a can of petty and gives a list of suggestions:* >3. Ask if the gf can look after the kids for day your ex doesn't have treated. Then go out on a "date" looking a million bucks. (if you don't date, they don't need to know that, just go out with girl friends, if you do date, don't come home that night 😉) OP: I've done #3 two times already. I haven't dated yet since the divorce. I want to, but online dating scares me and my social life revolves around my kids. I am pretending to have plans just so I am dressed and out and feel good about myself. I didn't leave the kids with them though. I managed to arrange sleepover for kids with their friends on those nights. I have been amazed by how much love and support my kids and I are receiving from our neighbors and friends. I told a few close people whats going on and I suppose most people know now. I have received a lot of offers for help, people can be kind. We got invited to a camping trip on easter weekend and I am taking kids to that. Ex-MIL was making noises about having kids over and I've shut that down. . >You are a saint OP: Not a saint no, I am just trying to protect my kids and my sanity. I am keeping myself very busy and staying on task. I am working hard to avoid thinking things because that way is misery. This is very petty of me, but I have to admit that seeing they are not doing well has been somewhat mollifying for me, emotionally. >Might be worth looking into dating events that companies run, might be a smoother way into the re-introduction to dating world (when your ready) than dating sites. I haven't done online dating, but a friend of mine just married her husband who she met at a dating baking class, have a look at what's in your area! OP: I need to look into dating events, I didn't know this was a thing. I need a detailed guide on how to do these things now! . *About selling the house:* OP: I have started looking into selling and am researching places to move to. But it is so very difficult. I don't have the budget to put the house on the market while I live elsewhere, especially if it takes longer than two months to sell. I also don't feel secure opening the house for showings while my kids and I live here. The other issue is that I dont have close family I can rely on and here in this neighborhood I had built up an awesome support system between neighbors and friends. Giving that up and starting somewhere new with two little kids in tow is daunting. I am trying to evaluate which option is the bigger con. >Is an alternative sitting down with your husband and kids to explain this is a one-time offer? After these three months are up, they need to start saving and planning for any future care. OP: Talked to my ex about it before he moved here. He agreed never again. With my daughter though ... I am going to wait to have that conversation when she's not so freaked out about her Dad's mortality. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; **[May 20, '23](https://www.reddit.com/user/fluffllamapajama/comments/13ndjrp/another_update_to_my_post_about_my_exhusband/)** &nbsp; Another update to my post about my ex-husband staying with me &nbsp; My ex and his fiance moved out today. His treatments went very well this time around. He had to deal with general weakness and nausea, but no vomiting and voiding like the previous time. It's amazing how much medicine improves and changes. He'll need monthly shots for a while and I agreed to house him for a weekend next month but after that he's on his own. The stay went well, we had no drama really. I kept myself busy and kids and I traveled a lot. They both managed the rest of the stuff alright and things worked out. My kids are happy and back to their normal stuff. I had a talk with my daughter about how grandma exaggerated things to get her way and that is not ok and she understood. She has shown no interest in visiting her grandparents and I am happy about that. The last week of his stay, his fiance went back to their town to take care of some stuff since he was doing pretty well on his own. He and I had a few long detailed conversations. They were cathartic in some ways and saddening and maddening in others. I think I got some closure, at least I am not feeling the bitterness the way I used to. I may make another post about what he told me, his reasoning and justifications. On another positive note, all that dressing up and going out I've been doing has worked out for me. I met someone! We've been on two dates and it's going great so far. This is my first time dating since the divorce so I am keeping my expectations muted, but still it is very exciting and fun. &nbsp; **[June 1, '23](https://www.reddit.com/user/fluffllamapajama/comments/13xgtxp/my_conversation_with_my_ex_husband/)** &nbsp; My conversation with my ex husband &nbsp; I tried writing about our conversations but the process of thinking about it and analyzing it is very depressing. When we had the talk, I felt much better than I do looking back at it now. Then my new date invited me on a trip during the memorial day weekend. One of my close neighbor friend encouraged me to go while she watched my kids. I was pretty excited about this vacation, my first adult only vacation in over a decade. I didn't want my overthinking about my ex to make me depressed during the trip, so I put that on hold. The trip went well and I am pretty optimistic about this new relationship. Sorry to you guys for taking so long with this. But now that I feel happier, I can have a more grounded take on my ex's views. To start with he was again very apologetic about what he put me through and that I deserved better from him. When he was going through his cancer treatment while we were married, I was extra careful with his feelings and being calm and patient with him. That had become so much of a habit that even when he told me about his affair, I still treated him with kid gloves. I was firm about wanting divorce and refused to consider his insistence on working it out, but I swallowed my anger and didn't go off at him. But this time I got to properly express my hurt and anger at him and that was very very cathartic. He took it ok for the most part but also was stung by it and got defensive. He told me in some detail about how he and his gf got together. She was his high school girlfriend. She came from an abusive background and in high school he had helped her and did a lot to encourage her to move out of that situation. When he moved away to go to University and she stayed their small town, the long distance thing dissolved their relationship. He wanted a more big city life and a few years after college he met me. When he was visiting his parents home more while recovering, he reconnected with her. At that time she was struggling to leave an abusive relationship. It again was like their high school days where she was in trouble and he was the knight in shining armor. I suppose that can be very attractive to someone who's been facing weakness and their own mortality. When he was home i was waiting on him hand and foot. I didn't even know that he could have enough energy to do all the leg work for this other woman and was spending quite a bit to help her. Thats where his currently being broke comes from, she was in financial trouble, and he solved all her problems. He is quite proud of how much he helped her and doesn't agree with me that he took something away from me in making me work for him while he put his energy away from our family. I don't wanna say that I don't support helping someone escape abuse, but I can't help feeling exploited. His response was that he did a favor by spending time in his town because that lessened the burdens on me. It is true that when he went away life got easier by a lot. I had more time, I could focus more on kids, we could cook anything, eat anything. But if he had that kind of energy then he could've helped me you know? But he says that I was always stressed out and upset, my attitude was a drain on him. I resent that because I remember how careful I was around him, how much I made myself pliable to be his nurse. He brought up examples of how once I was so upset I went to the balcony to scream. The time I snapped at the kids and then cried about it. He had stories of how I was pushy and difficult. He wasn't making it up, I have my faults, but I did work hard and tried my best. I didn't realize that my help and support wasn't good enough for him. I didn't make him feel good. I just did the shit work. I think he resents me because he feels he owes me. He likes his gf because she owes him and is dependent on him. *In the comments:* >Why would he even think he could justify his actions. OP: He sees himself as a good guy. He downplays the cheating as a small failure that happened multiple times as he was helping the gf. And I am the stubborn one for not being willing to work through it. *OP on getting closure:* I felt a touch of closure from being able to say a lot to him. Thinking back I think he genuinely expected me to see him as the good guy once he gave me all the explanations. He was frustrated when I wouldn't. I really like the guy I am seeing. For the first time in a very long time I was with someone who did all the work of planning and pulling off a trip and I had to simply enjoy myself. You really appreciate it when you haven't had something like that. &nbsp; **I am flairing this concluded as OP's ex has completed his treatment & moved out and OP is moving on. Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.** &nbsp;

WIBTA for not having my cancer stricken ex husband stay with me through his treatment?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1587cqh/wibta_for_not_having_my_cancer_stricken_ex/

158dus7

*I am not the OP. The OP is /u/RainyDayPen, posting in /r/TwoHotTakes. This text has been copied and pasted into this subreddit for the purposes of curating the best Reddit updates in one subreddit. You can find the link to the OP below.* **[Original post: I hate my engagement ring, my husband doesn’t know](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13l0p52/i_hate_my_engagement_ring_my_husband_doesnt_know/)** posted in /r/TwoHotTakes on April 24, 2023. I (25f) and my husband (24m) have been together for over three years. We got engaged last winter and have been married now for 6mo. I hate the ring. He wanted a traditional engagement - pick the ring himself, talk to my family first, one knee, etc. I showed him many photos of rings I liked, we even shopped together and picked a few we both loved. He ended up proposing with a ring that looks nothing like anything we had picked together. He told me later he showed his mom photos of what I liked and in short, she disagreed. She didn’t like that we had picked lab-created or moissanite stones. She also told him the shapes I liked were “dated” (ig her engagement ring had one of these “dated” shapes originally and she recently spent thousands to have it reset with a BIG “modern” pear shape). She pushed him for “real” diamonds which blew his budget, so my husband picked a tiny diamond pear, halo, with stones around the band (similar to his mom’s, just smaller). I hate it. I struggle with sensory issues and the side stones pinch my fingers. I think about it all day every day. I sometimes have to take it off while driving because it hurts to hold anything. I’ve worn the ring out of loyalty for my husband since he proposed. I bought my own wedding band and the e ring is little enough I can hide it in a stack of other rings. I feel like a brat for hating it. It was far too expensive to be as ugly and poorly crafted as it is. I have to have it serviced almost monthly because the prongs on the side bend and snag my clothing. The jeweler I consult with has told me this can’t be fixed due to the size. He’s warned me that I will lose stones, likely most of them on the band if a single prong breaks. It’s a constant reminder my husband picked his mom’s taste over mine for a symbol of our commitment. I would rather have green fingers from something meaningful than this “purist” crap. **UPDATE** *(added to the same post on June 10, 2023)* Thank you all for your comments and support. Everyone says it, but I didn’t think this would get the attention it has. A few days ago I stopped wearing my ring. After the last repair, its in my jewelry box. I have been wearing my wedding band in a stack by itself for now. My husband noticed and complimented my wedding band while I was driving on a short road-trip together over the weekend. I explained that my engagement ring pinches bad while I drive and I decided I would only wear it on special occasions to protect the stones (he’s been aware of all of the repairs). He then laughed a bit and told me “you could just not wear it at all, keep it for sentimental value”. I was a bit taken back, so I asked him if he had purchased insurance for it like we had discussed after we got engaged - he apologized for telling me he would, but he decided it wasn’t worth it to him a long time ago. He was waiting for the ring to wear out, or me to stop wearing it because he’s wanted to replace it “since he bought it” and he wants to upgrade that “bad boy” as often as he can. In all of my avoidance to protect his feelings, it didn’t occur to me that HE didn’t like the ring either. As I suspected, he honest thought his mom’s taste would be better - the conversations compounded and it made him second guess himself. After he confessed he didn’t like it, I confessed the style isn’t mine, and it makes me think of his mom - we laughed together. He explained he’s already been saving for something special for a while, but told me to pick myself out something silver I can wear comfortably in the meantime. I’d marry him again with a twist-tie. I wish I wouldn’t have danced around the fear of hurting his feelings for so long.. live and learn.

A man's overly involved mother talks him out of buying his fiancee the engagement ring she actually wants, and instead directs him toward an engagement ring that's too ugly and cumbersome for her to actually wear.

CONCLUDED

Father-Son-HolyToast

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158dus7/a_mans_overly_involved_mother_talks_him_out_of/

158e3sj

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/LetMeBeGay **in** r/confessions trigger warnings: >!abusive parents, sexual abuse of a minor!< mood spoilers: >!mixed emotions, guilt, happy at the end!< --- &nbsp; [**I’m moving far away from my abusive family without telling them anything, but my mother surprised me today with a piece of art and I feel horrible**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/b6uaug/im_moving_far_away_from_my_abusive_family_without/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Fri, March 29, 2019 I posted about this once before although it was deleted- basically: I have a shit life where I currently am and I always have. My parents are and always have been extremely abusive. My father takes most of my money and always has since I was 14. He says it’s “his” money. I’m 23 and he’s still doing this. He literally only ever talks to me about money. We have that kind of relationship. My mother is emotionally neglecting, and again, always has been. She has bipolar disorder and has said and done some really, really awful things to me in her bad moments. I don’t even want to get into the things that she has put me through. I still love them both, of course. But I can’t do this anymore. I decided a while ago that I was leaving here and starting a new life on the West Coast. Today, I changed my number and bought my plane ticket. They think my phone is shut off due to non-payment. They have no idea about anything that I plan to do and I don’t want to tell them. Well, today I came home and found this [piece of art](https://imgur.com/a/HX9YZEc) hung up on my wall. [*In the image, there is an art piece depicting a beach scene with just the trees but no people, crafted with what appears to be tiny bead-like objects. The surrounding is as bright as day, but there is a big moon in the sky.*] My mom had mentioned it to me in her good moments. I forgot what the art style is called, but it’s a bunch of little bead things that you carefully put together to make a picture. It’s her new hobby lately and I’m so happy that she’s found something that seems to take her away from her mental agony. She was so excited to give it to me, just the other day she smiled and said she made me something nice and that it was almost done! It took her weeks and weeks to make this for me. I walked into my room, I saw it, and I just started crying. I know I need to leave. I do. I need to start a new life and I need to get away from here. I can’t be happy here, I know I can’t. This family has broken me into so many different pieces over the past 23 years. I just feel so guilty. I saw this picture, and I immediately felt horrible. I have always tried so hard to be a bright light in my family and make things less toxic, but it’s never worked. I feel like I’ve failed and I’m giving up now. She is going to miss me, I know she is. She is going to wonder about me. She is going to cry. All the time. She is going to be so sad, and although I’ve bought this plane ticket and I’m not turning back, and I know that this is what I need to do for me, I still feel like the shittiest person in the world. I just needed to tell someone this. I leave next week. I am just so upset after seeing that she hung her present to me on my wall while I was away. *Some comments speculated that the mother's awareness of OOP's plan might be the reason for her action.* ***OOP's Response*** >I almost told her a few days ago because I felt so guilty. I told her that there was something very important that I had to say to her, and I was shaking. But I was too scared to actually tell her, so instead I had to quickly make up a lie. Which ended up just me telling her that I have an STD. I don’t know, it’s the only thing I could think of that would also give me a reaction like that when telling someone. I don’t have any STD’s but she seemed to have bought the lie and moved on, but perhaps she knows something. >I did tell my little brother and him and I are very close- I don’t think in a million years he would’ve told them. There’s a .01% chance he did that. >My dad also has cameras with audio planted all around the house and although I’ve tried my very best not to talk about it around them or in the house in general, maybe they picked up something. I also don’t even think he views them that much but maybe he does. I don’t know. *OOP also added in the comments:* >I love my mother. She is abusive- and that will never be okay. But she has mental illness. It’s never an excuse, but I still love her and in her good moments, when she smiles and tells me about something amazing that happened to her that day, I get very emotional because I wish she could always be that way. I wish so much that she would never go back to being horrible. But she always does. >I was thinking about taking the art piece with me. I hope she notices it’s gone. I hope that will tell her how much I appreciate her, in her good moments, and that when she does do something nice for me, which is and always has been very rare. I hope she will see that it means the absolute world to me and I never want to let go of those memories. >My parents are getting old and have a lot of health issues. Especially my mom. I would be so heartbroken if something happened to her a week after I left, and she thought I didn’t love her. I would never forgive myself. I’m getting emotional thinking about this and I think I’m being dramatic but I don’t know, this is what worries me when I think about my mom. >I do plan on leaving a note. I’ve tried writing some but every time I just get very angry and start listing all the things my parents have done wrong to me. Every time it starts to just sound hateful and horrible. I don’t want them to think I’m leaving because of them. I’m leaving because of me. They’re a factor in why I feel so horrible, but ultimately, I’m doing this for me. --- &nbsp; [**I finally left my abusive parents, I’m at the airport now, waiting for a plane to take me 3,000 miles away with a one-way ticket**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/b7wi7z/update_i_finally_left_my_abusive_parents_im_at/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Mon, April 01, 2019 I’m posting an update as I know a lot of people asked me to keep updating. So I actually did it. I said goodbye to my few friends here, I packed all of my stuff in a suitcase. I read a post on this sub earlier where someone said “it’s funny how your entire life can fit inside a suitcase.” He was right, and you really start to feel bad when it comes down to this and you realize that you don’t need much of what you have at all. I was scared that the things I loved most wouldn’t all fit in my suitcase- I ended up having space leftover. Most of us live very selfishly. My little brother drove me here, to the airport. I love him, I hugged him and told him that I loved him, and I gave him my car, as he needed one for work and he’s never had much, either. My parents only really love my older brother, their firstborn. I told him that if our parents ask, to tell them that I asked him to take me to the airport, and I just gave him my car keys and left. He knows everything, but they don’t need to know that. I also gave him my fish, which oddly I already miss them. It’s really weird how taking care of even the smallest of creatures can make you feel so special. That helped a lot with my depression. I didn’t tell my parents anything. They don’t know anything. The last thing that my father said to me was “You need to cut the front yard” and he walked away. I don’t even remember the last thing that my mother said to me. I left them a note that said that I’m safe, I’m gonna be okay but I had to leave. I told them I would reach out when I was ready, if ever. I told them that I’ll always love them, for they are my parents and they gave me life. I wonder how they’re going to react when they see the note. I imagine my father will be furious as he can’t coerce me into giving him all of my money anymore. My mother is just going to use it to get pity, because her life is such a tragedy. At least, according to her book of faces. Perhaps they should’ve treated me better, as I’m the best son they could’ve ever asked for. I’m kind. I’m empathetic. I’m ambitious and I am full of love. But even I have my breaking point, and I’m going to find new people to give my love. People who will appreciate it. So anyways, yeah. I did it. I packed a suitcase that is my life, I grabbed the bracelet that my old friend who passed away gave me and put it around my wrist, I put on my favorite pair of beat up boots and cuffed my jeans, and I left. I’ll be so far away in 12 hours, they won’t ever be able to hurt me again. I randomly ran into my ex-boyfriend here at the airport, just a few minutes ago. We didn’t end things well when we broke up two years ago, coincidentally, it ended because he told me I was being ridiculous for rebelling against my parents abuse, and that I should be grateful to them, for even being alive. He was in a rush but he smiled and asked how I was doing, and he proposed that we should catch up when I got back from wherever I was going. I smiled at him, I told him I was doing well, and I said “I’ll let you know when I get back.” I feel very whole right now, for the first time in my life. **TL;DR**: My family has been extremely abusive and toxic to me my entire life, including taking all of my money and telling everyone that I lied to them about my older brother molesting me when I was young (which did happen.) I am 23 years old. I’ve been dealing with severe physical abuse my entire life. I recently decided that I was moving to the other side of the country and not telling them anything. I changed my number and deleted all of my social media. I’m never coming back to this place. Ever. --- &nbsp; **EDIT** Wooooow!! My very first gold. Thank you so much!! I can’t believe how supported I am. Honestly, my emotions are all over the place but I can’t believe how many people are proud of me. This is genuinely the one single thing that I’ve wanted to do more than anything else in life. I was always so terrified to just take this leap of faith and hit the reset button and I’m almost in tears over how many people believe in me. I have no choice but to succeed now! 🙂 &nbsp; **EDIT 2** And thank you for the silver as well! I’m going to take this opportunity to be my dramatic self haha and say that I genuinely am in tears in this airport at how supportive you all are. I cannot believe I JUST recently discovered Reddit. I was truly missing out. 😭 Also as an update, it’s 10:19AM and I am in NYC at the airport here. My flight was delayed but finally it took me from my home to here. In an hour, I’m boarding my flight to take me to my new home in California. 🙂🙂 &nbsp; **EDIT 3** I am moving to Los Angeles. My parents don’t know yet but will definitely update when they find out. My brother and I are in close communication about this. I do have somewhere to stay when I get there, no job yet but that’ll be easy. I just wanted to answer some questions that I was getting a lot. I was married when I was younger and we moved away, got divorced 2 years and a few months ago. I never thought I would have to explain and justify 23 years of abuse because one or two assholes on here wanted to call me a liar. Can’t imagine being that hateful to a stranger. Thank you though to everyone else that is supportive! I took a [picture](https://imgur.com/a/nPPVfW0) 🙂 [*The image shows the wings of an airplane above the clouds, captured from a window seat inside the aircraft.*] &nbsp; **Final update for this post** I have arrived in LA at 2:47pm. the air here is amazing. I feel completely renewed and I’ve been here for 10 minutes. it’s so beautiful. Anyways, I’m gonna drop my stuff off and take a hike with my best friend. thanks for listening. until next time! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Moving far away from my abusive family without telling them but my mother's recent action made me second guess my decision

REPOST

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158e3sj/moving_far_away_from_my_abusive_family_without/

158e8sp

**I am NOT OP. Original post in** r/AITAH mood spoilers: >!Embarrassment, Discomfort, Tension, Resolution!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for saying my wife made us look disgraceful?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14965xy/aita_for_saying_my_wife_made_us_look_disgraceful/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, Jun 14, 2023 I (M42) have, in the past year, been promoted to a senior position in the engineering company I work for. It has come with many new responsibilities and longer work hours, but my salary has seen a pretty significant increase, which has been greatly appreciated by my wife (F40) and our three kids (M14, F14, M10). The other day, I was working from home as our firm had an important Zoom meeting about an infrastructure expansion plan. There were maybe 30 people, mainly from our firm, on the call, but also a government representative and the regional head of our firm were present. Being somewhat introverted, I have never liked public displays of affection. They're crude and attention-seeking in my mind. So imagine my shock and embarrassment when my wife, who had recently come home, sits on my lap and started kissing me. It happened just as I was starting to respond to a point that the regional head made, but I ended up completely losing my train of thought. I'm pretty sure everyone on the call saw as well because there was a decently long awkward silence. My wife noticed my discomfort (and the call) and she left. Going back to the presentation was just awful for me at that stage. I was talking way too fast and stuttering. One of my co-workers (F39) took over from that point, and I didn't say much until the Q&A session. As the call was coming to a close, I mentioned how I planned to refine our plan by the time of the next meeting, but the regional boss told me not to spend too much time on it as "Your wife seems to need you more than we do," which just further solidified my embarrassment. After the call, I confronted my wife about what happened, and she did not seem too bothered. In fact, she mentioned how it was good that they see that I am a family man and that I was overreacting. She also told me that she thought the webcam was off. I was very frustrated as she knew about this meeting, so I told her that her actions made us look disgraceful and immature and that they caused me great humiliation. My wife was taken aback by this and said that I cared too much about what other people thought and how I'm borderline embarrassed of her. We argued for a bit longer, and it culminated with my wife locking herself in our room. We have not spoken much since then, and I'll probably be sleeping on the couch for the next few days. I am too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone in my personal life. AITA? Edit - For those wondering, my wife is a high school chemistry and biology teacher, so she has had many work related zoom calls herself in the relatively recent past. &nbsp; *All updates were added to the original post* **UPDATE** Thank you so much to everyone who has responded to my post. It means a lot to me. For those of you who expressed second-hand embarrassment, thank you for your empathy. I can assure you, I don't think I have ever felt so embarrassed in my life. I was required to go back to the office today, so I did get a chance to speak with my director. He and most of my coworkers found the situation hilarious, mainly because I'm known as the stoic/quiet guy in our workplace. I plan on chatting with my wife about this tonight. My new position has required me to work pretty closely with the aforementioned F39 (and two other women), so perhaps that might be bothering her? Wish me luck. &nbsp; **UPDATE 2** I got home and had a long chat with my wife. I started by apologizing for overreacting and I did say a bunch of other sentimental things that I don't normally say, but I know she loves. My wife accepted my apology and apologized as well. She mentioned that she got defensive earlier because she herself was very embarrassed and she really did assume my webcam was off. She said that she acted spontaneously but ultimately regretted it. However, she reiterated that it was good that my coworkers saw me as a family man. I probed further and asked her if there was anyone in particular she wanted that message aimed at, and she did admit that she felt slightly uncomfortable with me working closely with some of my female colleagues. Lastly, she mentioned how my longer hours have made me less physically affectionate and expressed her desire for that to change. I'm glad things have cooled down, but still feel slight embarrassment about the whole incident. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for saying my wife made us look disgraceful

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158e8sp/aita_for_saying_my_wife_made_us_look_disgraceful/

158h7nr

I'm not the Original Poster. That is u/926throwra-advice839 it was posted to r/AITAH on July 13th 2023. This is a continuation of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ufkiw/op_is_obsessed_with_his_cousin/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) post. OP is the same guy that was posting about wanting to Trigger Warning: >!controlling and manipulative behavior, general creepiness, possibly incest and maybe even rape, all of it just getting worse!< Mood Spoiler: >!still disturbing!< Context: OP (male) found out that his cousin is gay. He wanted to out him because he didn't like the cousin's boyfriend (for no reason). His post already read like he had feelings for his cousin. A few days later he posted on a different account that he got drunk and had sex with his "best friend". That turned out to be his cousin. On a last post on his profile OP has alluded to him and his cousin having a continued sexual relationship and that it came out that his cousin had been previously molested by his uncle which only OP knows about. In these new posts he's calling his cousin his boyfriend \*\*\*\* ***AITAH if I confront my boyfriend’s ex about his harassment?*** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ykphw/aitah_if_i_confront_my_boyfriends_ex_about_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) My boyfriend (16m) broke up with his ex (19m) a little over a week ago. At first it seemed like his ex took it well. I heard from a friend that he was already dating someone else and my boyfriend didn't say anything. An hour ago he showed me something on his phone and a notification appeared. He swiped it away immediately but I saw that it was from his ex. I asked him what it was about and he showed me their chat. His ex had been messaging him almost daily. He's been texting him all kinds of messed up stuff. Like saying that he would come by to talk with a threatening undertone and literally lying about and insulting me even though nobody even knows we're dating. My boyfriend hasn't texted him back though. My boyfriend is too shy to stand up to him so I offered to confront him. We're on vacation until next week but I want to talk to him as soon as possible. How should I go about getting him to leave my boyfriend alone? Does that already qualify as stalking? If it hypothetically ended in a fight, could it be seen as self defense because I tried to protect my boyfriend? &#x200B; **Relevant Comments:** &#x200B; >*Info: does your boyfriend want you to confront his ex or do you just make that decision on his behalf?* OP’s reply: He doesn’t want to confront him but that is because I know he is too shy to say anything. I would only tell him afterwards because I know he wants his ex to leave him alone but would never dare to do anything himself &#x200B; &#x200B; ***AIW for asking my boyfriend for a threesome?*** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/151j3ax/aiw_for_asking_my_boyfriend_for_a_threesome/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) &#x200B; He's acting really bitchy right now and it's pissing me off. I haven't even done anything. We're on vacation and were hanging out at the beach. There was this girl who kept flirting with me and ended up giving me her number. She texted me and asked if I wanted to come by her room. I told her I'm with my boyfriend and she said that she wouldn't mind a third. I decided to ask my boyfriend because she's my type and I thought it could be fun. He has also never been with a girl so I thought he might want to try. When I brought it up to him he got annoyed and told me he wasn't interested. I asked him why if he never even tried. He told me to fuck off and tried to just ignore me. I told him to stop acting like such a bitch and making drama out of nothing. He then said he doesn't want to sleep in the same room as me tonight. That's not possible though because either he would have to sleep in his mum's room or I would have to sleep in my sisters' room which would both be weird. Am I wrong for bringing that up? It was a harmless question that he made a big deal out of. He is acting like I cheated on him or something like that when I literally told him what was going on and didn't even act on it. Edit: He apologized and we worked it out. He finally came to tell me he was sorry for causing all this drama and ruining this for me. I forgave him and told him he could sleep in our room again. &#x200B; **Relevant Comments:** &#x200B; >*It’s not a big deal TO YOU..it is to most people who believe they’re in a “commited” relationship. It’s very hurtful n insulting to be told your SO wants to fuck somebody else. \[...\] I hope you work things out but please be a little more sympathetic to his feelings* OP’s reply: I know he will get over it eventually so it’s just annoying that he thinks he can act like this over such a small thing. It’s not like I told him I would fuck her alone. I told him she wanted to have a threesome and he acts like I cheated on him &#x200B; &#x200B; >*So you just told him he was being a bitch because he didn’t want to have sex with a woman - and have a threesome when he might not even want to add a 3rd to your relationship? You are def wrong. Do you ever even think about how your boyfriend might feel?* OP’s reply: I said he was being a bitch because he was acting like one. He could have just listened to me and said no and nothing would have happened. He just chose to make it a big deal &#x200B; &#x200B; >*Or maybe you think it bothered him, and he got quiet because he didn’t want to cause drama?* OP’s reply: That’s his problem then. If he had said something I would have stopped talking to her. He just chose to be a child about it and it’s pissing me off that he thinks he can just do that and get away with it

UPDATE: OP is obsessed with his Cousin

NEW UPDATE

newsideaccount420

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158h7nr/update_op_is_obsessed_with_his_cousin/

158m96b

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/obscurethestorm **Teacher needing tips** **Originally posted to** r/LARP **NOTE: For those wondering, LARP is Live Action Role Playing** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LARP/comments/atrfa5/teacher_needing_tips/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Feb 23, 2019** Hello! I am a first year English teacher who sponsors and cosponsors student clubs. Tomorrow night I am going to my first ever LARP with what we affectionately call "The Nerd Clubs" (D&D Club, GSA, Anime Club, Video Game Club, and Chess Club). One of the other sponsors set it up and they needed NPCs. I have never LARPd, but I felt comfortable volunteering to be an NPC because I have done some role play in D&D a few times (small easy campaigns with friends). Besides, it is fun to do these sorts of extra things with the kids. Earlier in the year we organized the Halloween Dance and it was so much fun. I figured they would station me somewhere and have me "sell wares" or whatever. I was wrong. Last night the other teacher who organized this emailed me a 30 page world building packet and a detailed character sheet. I read through that and realized that this is a lot more involved than I expected. I am not 100% sure what LARPing is like but I am 90% sure that I am about to get owned by a bunch of 15 year olds. So, any tips for a complete beginner to not look totally ridiculous in front of all of her students? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **stolenfires** >My recommendation is to own your newbiehood. LARPers are used to being thought of as nerds, and gently (or not so gently) poked fun at in the media. Someone with a genuine interest is a rare treasure. Show up and be all "I have no idea what this is but it looks great, please teach me how to LARP!" and I'm 100% sure your students will fall all over themselves to explain it to you. >If you're a 'crunchy', this means you're something like a goblin or dread wolf or some other monster whose job is basically to die, drop loot, and die again. Don't worry about memorizing *all* your stats. I've been larping for over a decade and I still only take the time to memorize two defensive stats and two attack stats, especially when I'm playing Nameless Goblin #8. Just ask the director how tough you are, and estimate when you should fall down and die **OOP replied** >>I was told that I am a "changeling" in my character packet. Also that I have magic but I hate magic. So that's pretty straight forward. >>The teacher who set this whole thing up actually has her friend who owns a LARP ......... Space? I feel like maybe "arena" is the right word? I dunno, he owns a place where people LARP a lot. He is the one who put the whole thing together, so I might show up early and just ask as many questions as possible. * **Mhayes_design** >I TOTALLY get you on this. I've been handed the "WAY-too-big-newbie-rulebook" a few times. My advice is to find out what the most crucial rules to know are and then focus on having FUN. Most larp players I've met just want people to have a good time and are more than okay when you don't know all the rules right away. **OOP replied** >Awesome. Thanks so much! [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/LARP/comments/au9j1h/update_teacher_needing_tips/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Feb 24, 2019** Thank you all for your help! I am happy to say that I did not embarrass myself and my kids had so much fun! They put their whole heart into it and had a blast. The LARP was a loosely-themed Cthulu/HPLovecraftMagic dinner party with a murder-mystery thing going on. Some key moments: One of my quiet students unlocking a hidden room with her lockpicking ability, then coming up to me, throwing out the Out of Character sign and saying "Not trying to flex or anything, Mrs. Storm, but I opened that door." That same student opening a different door and thinking for a brief moment that she had actually found a skeleton. Her jump back from the door and her scream were honestly fantastic. One of my kids trying to heal me after I opened up an envelope containing poison dust. He waved his hands over me and chanted his incantation "Ravioli Ravioli, here is the formuoli." Pulling a gun on my department head because she was trying to raise the dead. The LARP organizer saying, "Never before has a group so quickly resorted to cannibalism." (Welcome to 15 year olds, lol) One of the parents dropping her sons off and then deciding to stay and play, and actually getting into it. And finally, the end of the night when everything was over and the kids were waiting on their parents to pick them up. They sat in the grass and recapped basically the whole night, and as their parents showed up they just kept restarting their story because you won't understand why C killed L unless you understand that L is a human who doesn't worship anyone and C is a subterranian fish person who worships the Old Gods (C drew on gills and everything). It was honestly so much fun. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice in my first thread. I am so glad that we did this and we will definitely be doing it again! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **UltravioletClearance** >Damn, I wish my high school had something like that. Closest we had was a tech club that was just getting off the ground when I graduated :( **OOP replied** >When I arrived at this school at the beginning of the year they didn't have very many clubs. I created Video Game Club out of the ground, and then I jumped on board GSA with a other sponsor (the same sponsor as DND). I would venture that the Nerd Clubs (see previous post) teacher sponsors make up about 75% of the clubs on our campus. I am thinking about adding a Drama Club next year but I am not sure if I will have the time for 3 nights a week after schooI. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Teacher needing tips

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158m96b/teacher_needing_tips/

158x3t9

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Individual\_Yam4036](https://www.reddit.com/user/Individual_Yam4036/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!alcoholism; childhood trauma!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14z1qt4/aita_for_leaving_after_my_mom_kept_joking_about/)**: July 13, 2023** My (19m) parents had me young and on accident. My childhood was nothing but money troubles and listening to my parents scream at each other. Things only got better when my mom left my dad and started seeing my stepdad. He brought financial stability and is more of a father to me than my bio dad ever was. They have a daughter together, my sister Melody. I’m not blind, I know they shower her with attention and buy her everything they can because I had nothing when I was her age. When I was younger, it frustrated me to see her loved in a way I never was, but now I know that my mom did her best with the experience and resources she had. It’s just bad luck that it worked out the way it did. With that context out of the way, Melody recently turned 4 and my parents went all out. They invited not only all the family in the area, but also some of Melody’s friends from daycare and their parents. Once my mom and the other moms had a few drinks each, they started gossiping. The conversation, which I was not part of but was listening to because I was bored watching the kids, turned to sharing stories about their kids. My mom, instead of sharing cute stories about Melody, decided to tell a group of random moms about the time I tried to make my parents stop fighting by collecting change lying around the house and giving it to them (I was 7). She was laughing the whole time and ended the story with “Ah the things you learn with the oldest, practice kids am I right? (Stepdad’s name) and I never fight in front of Melody, I think that’s why she’s so much easier than (my name).” That story is a painful memory for me, so I was hurt that she thought it was *so* hilarious, but I didn’t say anything and tried to brush it off. The moms started talking about kindergarten because a few of them have kids who will be starting in the fall. My mom, who by then was shitfaced, decided that it would be a *great* idea to share the story of how she karened the school into letting me do gym class in my winter boots because that was the one pair of shoes I had. Again, she told the whole story with a grin on her face and laughing. The last thing she said made almost blow up; “Thank goodness Melody can have all the shoes she wants, though with how much shit (my name) pulled at that age maybe it was best I didn’t waste money on the practice kid.” I texted my mom “I’m glad you find how poor and miserable we were so funny, but it really upsets me how you clearly think of me as practice for Mel. I’m going so someone should watch the kids.” I then left without talking to anyone. When I got home I checked my texts and found a rant from her, saying that they were her stories and she could feel any way she wanted. She called me sensitive for “not taking a joke” and suggested I get a therapist (I already have one and she knows that) because I was “jealous of a 4yr old”. She said I was rude for leaving. I was too upset to respond then, but after some thought I may be in the wrong. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Those other moms were probably horrified and not actually entertained:* "Yeah, judging from their facial expressions, my mom was the only one who thought she was being funny. And yes, I will definitely be bringing this up at my next therapy session." *What person gets drunk at a 4 year old's birthday party?* "My mom, that’s who. Did I mention she’s a not so high functioning alcoholic? Because she is. God, I don’t know how my saint of a stepdad puts up with either of us." *But what have you done? You weren't hurting anyone here.* "I mean, I did a lot of shitty things during my rebellious stage, my mom was kinda right in that I was a hellion until about 15. But more recently, my stepdad offered to help me with paying for college, and I ended up picking one of the more expensive schools because it offers more opportunities for what I want to do. I probably wouldn’t have gone for it I didn’t have him there to help with the cost. It just feels like all I do is take advantage of him, ya know? Ah, but this isn’t the place to vent, I have an actual therapist for that lol." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/153h593/aita_for_leaving_after_my_mom_kept_joking_about/)**: July 18, 2023 (5 days later)** So, to start, I’d like to thank everyone who commented on my last post. I read through as many replies as I could and some of y’all had me sobbing. Genuinely, everyone says that the internet is a cesspit of toxicity, but that’s not true at all. Mushy feelings aside, here’s the actual update. So, the first thing I did was talk to my stepdad. Contrary to some of y’all’s assumptions, I don’t live at my parents’s house, so I asked him over to breakfast to talk on a day my mom had work but I had off. He knows I usually plan around my mom’s work schedule, so I think he knew it was serious beforehand. We sat down over eggs and I told him what had happened. He’d been doing something else at the time, and was absolutely shocked. Apparently, my mom had told him a twisted version of events. According to him, she’d said that I sent her an “angry text” because of a “few harmless jabs” and that she was “only kidding” and “didn’t mean any harm”. She also had conspicuously left out her drunken text to me. His reaction to the actual content of her “jokes” can only be described as a deep sadness and frustration. He offered me true support and affirmation, something that I could never picture my mom doing in my a million years. My mom can be nice, but she’s not great at anything deeper than platitudes. What did I ever do to deserve him? He was also completely blindsided by the fact that there was alcohol at a kid’s party. Apparently, he had left the planning to her and had no idea. I told him that I want to go very low contact with my mom for a bit, and asked for his help to see him and Melody without having to deal with her. He said that he understood, and agreed to have me over when she’s not around. He told me he would get my mom help with her emotions and her drinking problem, and I told him that she probably wouldn’t cooperate and promised to help him get her the help she needs in what ways I can. A half hour after my stepdad left, I texted my mom the following: *Hey ma, I’ve mulled over what happened at Mel’s party and I’ve come to the realization that our relationship is not healthy. You put me down for things that weren’t my fault and laugh at how you and* \[my bio dad\] *screwed my childhood up. It hurts to hear you speak about me like that, and I don’t think you understand exactly how much.* *I’ve also come to the understanding that you serving alcohol at a four year old’s birthday party without even telling dad isn’t normal. This isn’t a one time thing, you start drinking at eight AM and don’t stop until bed. You have two problems, and until you get some serious help with both of them, I would like very little contact with you.* *Please don’t contact me outside of an emergency.* I then blocked her from texting me I know this isn’t as dramatic of an update as y’all were hoping for, but I hope that someone can take something from it. I know it’s only been a few days, but I have no regrets. Maybe going cold turkey off her was what I needed. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How are your mom and step-dad even together?* "I honestly have no idea. She was in one of her better times when they got together and he won’t leave her because of his religion and because of my sister."*One last thought from OOP to the people telling him they hope things look up for him:* "That’s my hope as well, it’s been nice not having to put up with her drunk texting so things are looking up. Thanks for the kind words."

AITA for leaving after my mom kept joking about my childhood and calling me her “practice kid”?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158x3t9/aita_for_leaving_after_my_mom_kept_joking_about/

158x3xp

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/PurpleSlothThrowAway. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yl9ko3/wibta_for_sending_my_niece_on_a_roadtrip/)**: November 3, 2022** I (42 F) would like to send my niece (22 F) on a road trip for her graduation gift. The back story, my family has tradition of sending high school graduates on a road trip with friends as a graduation present. My parents did the same thing when they were younger, and took us on many roadtrips as kids. They are some of my best memories. My niece is graduating from college in May and I want to pay for her to go on a road trip with some friends. Covid hit when she graduated high school, so I wasn't able to offer a road trip then. The problem is my sister in law (my husband's sister). She's a very uptight and controlling woman. She's a very good mom, but keeps my niece on a short leash. My niece has always had strict routines and rules, such as no dating, no concerts, no going out with friends, no frivolous spending etc. My niece is an absolutely wonderful person,and is graduating with a degree in chemical engineering and plans on attending grad school. I want her to actually have some fun before she jumps in grad school and full adult life. My SIL doesn't want niece to go. She thinks roadtrips are frivolous and expensive (she is an extremely frugal person), extremely dangerous, and a waste of time. My SIL does admit she's not a very fun person, and that she knows she overreacts to lots things. When I brought up the road trip recently, and me covering all the costs, she said absolutely not. Even though my niece is an adult, she still thinks she can control her daughter. My niece very much wants to go, but also doesn't want to disappoint her mom. I tried talking to my SIL about all her objections: niece has a good car, knows how to fix many things on it, has AAA road side assistance, all the girls going are mature and not partiers (no one is interested in getting drunk and driving), I have family all along their planned route, and she won't have to spend a dime of her own money. As a side note, I payed for niece to go to school, outside of what her scholarships didn't cover. And SIL is still not willing to budge. This is where I might be the asshole. I told niece she is an adult, and she gets to make her own decisions. I will pay for the trip, if she wants to go, no matter what my SIL says. But, I worry that I am over stepping, and getting between my niece and her mom. I love my SIL, but, I don't think it's fair to make my niece have a small life. Life is dangerous and frivolous, and it's okay to not run from that. My husband says I should just drop it, so I don't damage my niece's relationship with her mom. So, would I be the asshole for paying for my niece to go on this trip? ***Relevant Comments:*** *NTA, but be aware that this will impact your relationship with your SIL:* "And that's what I'm worried about. Most of niece experiencing things outside her mother's comfort zone has been because of me. My SIL thinks tight control will keep her daughter safe, and I know you can never guarantee safety. I love her very much, she's overcome a lot and her daughter is her top priority, but she has no coping mechanisms other than control and a tight grip. But, I guess I'm just deciding if this is the hill I want to die on." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1532k9c/wibta_for_sending_my_niece_on_a_roadtrip_update/)**: July 18, 2023 (8 months later)** I followed the advice that some people gave me from my last post. I told my SIL I was going to give niece the money for the trip, and then I would drop it. I told my niece the same thing: I'd give her the money, and let her make her own decisions. A few months later, my niece came to me and said she was taking the trip after a lot of consideration. She told her mom, and it didn't go well. Unfortunately, it caused a huge fight between them, and my niece didn't talk to her mom for over two months. During that time, my SIL bombarded me with accusations of taking her daughter away. Eventually, I blocked her on my phone, so the only way she could talk to me was through my husband (her brother). My husband took my side, but tried to soothe my SIL, telling her she raised a mature and capable person, and she had to let go or lose her daughter forever. During that time, my niece was planning her trip, but also really missed her mom. She called me crying a lot, but never backed down on taking the trip. It was her mom that finally cracked, and after months of not talking, she reached out to niece and apologized. Things improved a little bit, but SIL was still against the trip. My niece told her it didn't matter, she was going and that was that. Niece and her friends did go on their trip and just got back last week. They had tons of fun. The only problems they had were one flat tire, and a bad sunburn on their first beach day. They ended up at Disneyland, and spent a few days just having the time of their lives. Niece was nice enough to call her mom daily, and provide updates, to help her mom not flip out too bad. SIL wasn't happy about her going, but admitted niece would have put her foot down at some point and the trip was a good excuse. She's still not happy with me, but she did thank me for always loving her daughter, even if we have vastly different ways of showing it. Niece is still negotiating how to have a better relationship with SIL. So, yeah, niece had fun, and is working on her relationship with SIL. ***Relevant Comments:*** "My SIL is my husband's sister. He had a lot of talks with her when niece wasn't talking to her. I don't know how SIL thought she could keep a hold on her daughter for much longer. Niece hasn't lived with her in over a year." *More about SIL and why she feels the way she does:* "She has had a lot of trauma, and also suffers from PTSD, OCD, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and has some chronic health problems. Niece is her entire life, and she lives her own life so wound up and scared. I've offered to pay for therapy, and she's always turned me down. I'm hoping my niece can get her to change her mind. She's a lovely person. She's just been dealt a shit hand in life, and struggles to cope." *About her niece's plans moving forward:* "I might have created a monster. She has her next two road trips planned out." *Someone suggests niece take her mom on a roadtrip:* "You know, that's a great idea. I doubt I'd ever get my SIL to do it, but who knows. Maybe even just a short trip. I'll tell my niece and see what she says!"

WIBTA for sending my niece on a roadtrip?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158x3xp/wibta_for_sending_my_niece_on_a_roadtrip/

158x405

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Striking_Emphasis_34. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!child abuse/neglect!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!things are looking ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wv1ruz/aita_for_taking_in_my_problem_cousin_and/)**: August 22, 2022** Me (m30) and wife (f27) own a sizeable farm that is usually the nexus of family events. 5 Bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 300 acres and electrical hookups for 4 campers so the whole clan can come stay for extended visits in the summer. We built it that way deliberately. My cousin Bill (m early 50s) has a daughter Alice (F18) from his first marriage. His first wife was an immigrant with no family in our country and no contact with any family in her home country. She passed away when Alice was 2 and Bill remarried Tanya (F early 50s) 6 months later. They have since had 3 kids (M14, M12, F8) Alice is a brat. Everything in their house revolves around either "The Boys" (their two oldest together) or "Their Princess" (their daughter together) and Alice is left behind. She doesn't get to go on family trips, they wouldn't pay for extra-curricular stuff, she couldn't take elective classes that had extra fees etc. I'm not a smart man but I can recognize a kid that's hurting inside and being neglected. She's like Mr. Hyde with them and Dr. Jekyl elsewhere. For the last 4 summers she's been coming to "work" on my farm because her parents don't want her around over summer break. She turned 18 recently and leading up to her birthday her Dad was very adamant that she was being kicked out of the house when she turned 18 because "It will teach her responsibility" We (wife, Alice and I) discussed it and early on her birthday we pulled up with my truck and packed her stuff up. We only packed things she purchased herself or things that were given to her by another person. My boss got creative with our benefits provider so we can get Alice on my medical benefits until she finishes university (she starts in a few weeks) so she's able to go to therapy (He reads this subreddit a lot so even though this is a throwaway, I know you'll read this chief. Thank you) and she's able to get back into sports while still saving her money. This is where it all comes apart: Bill and Tanya are pissed that we took her in and refuse to come to family events. Part of the family refuse to attend as well because I'm "undermining Bill and Tanya, I'll understand when I have kids". After they refused to attend events, a few others said that with gas being so expensive and not everyone attending they'd skip as well. My answer of "Okie dokie come if you want and don't if you don't" further upset people who thought I should have tried harder to get people to come so now we're down to about 1/4 of the family in attendance for events. My aunt suggested that we have Alice over on weekends and that she stays in a dorm during the week to smooth things over. I think that's dumb, but I'm dumb and stubborn. My wife thinks it's dumb and she's really smart but also very much attached to the situation. Alice said she'd rather stay with us but would try the dorms to help make peace. AITA for not going with the dorm suggestion to keep the peace? &#x200B; **EDIT FOR INFO:** I called Alice a "Brat" and my original post was waaaaay past the character limit but in some of the stuff that got pared down I explained it more. Typical teenage acting out but cranked up. Slamming doors, screaming matches with her step mom, swearing. Probably 3 or 4 big blowouts a week and sometimes over some pretty disproportionately small stuff. I've watched her grow and the acting out definitely came after the exclusion from family stuff. **EDIT 2:** Thank you everyone. Gonna keep on keeping on. Bit of a mini-update: I ripped the band-aid off with the ol' fam jam and told them that fewer mouths to feed isn't the punishment they thought it was, anyone else who was coming is still welcome and I'd have the extra cash from not feeding so many people to help the folks concerned about gas prices make it out if they so chose. I'm in like, 4 different family group chats and they're all lighting up. I'm going to turn my phone on silent for a while and let the sparks fly. I'll check in on the post in a while and if anything noteworthy comes up and it's interesting I'll give you all an update in the future. **EDIT 3: August 23, 2022 (1 day later)** Alrighty, here's the update on the situation and a little background info for some consistent topics in the comments. So, my family likes to gossip and they're damn efficient at it. If your truck breaks down with only you in it 5 miles from home word has reached every aunt and cousin before you're in your door. When I put the word out, it travelled fast. This morning I've been called all the names in the book and some new ones so there may be a revised and updated edition of said book coming out. I've been told I'm a good guy, a bad guy, I'm stupid, I'm smart, I'm short sighted, I'm thinking ahead. It's been neat. Long story short, I've got about a dozen relatives telling me thanks and they'll buy me a pint next time they're out and and about triple that who never want to speak to me again so those are both significant victories. Now, nobody here really cares about me: We're all about Team Alice here. She's a redditor apparently and came across the post independently of me showing her. There were tears (born of stress and relief I think) and she's going to be staying here with us until she's ready to start the next chapter of her life, whatever and whenever that might be. She's got classes picked (her college picks first year classes for you for the most part so it was a couple electives) and is looking into the women's rec league for a hockey team when the season starts so she's all set on that front. Regarding feeding everyone and paying for gas: Without going into details, I was very fortunate as a young man to be working very very hard at a job I was woefully underqualified for while a very wealthy person was on site. Basically right place, right time and The Chief took me in and mentored me. We have made a lot of money on a business venture together in addition to me working for him and since then I haven't exactly had F U money but enough that I was able to buy the property I live on outright and build my home here with my wife who also makes good money. Family is important to both of us and neither of our sides of the family tree have much for money so we've done our best to make sure money isn't a barrier to getting together and seeing one another. Now, the big news: Tanya drove down to my house this morning. Bill and I had some very loud, very angry words when he drove down last night after I chose the nuclear option in the family group chats so she actually waved a white flag from her car when she pulled up. I shooed the dogs and alpaca away and went out to talk to her, brought her out a muffin and we had a bit of a chat. Allegedly, Bill was threatening to kick Alice out to "scare her straight" and that they weren't actually going to kick her out and they were caught off guard when we showed up on the morning of her birthday. I told her that she was missing the point and that I'm not sure I could use small enough words or short enough sentences to explain it to her if she thought that was the only problem. She cried, she peeled out of my driveway at mach 7 and it's been radio silent since which I'm currently enjoying. Thanks everyone for the support. I'm not really a reddit guy so I don't imagine I'll be back but for my brief stay here, you definitely don't live up to the negative reputation the rest of the internet has given your site. You're a good bunch, keep your sticks on the ice. ***Relevant Comments:*** "In our conversations about the Dorm, I told her that it was 100% her decision but that I really didn't care about cousins I only see when I'm feeding them show up and that I wanted her to make the call that made her happy. Consensus between her and my wife seems to be that maybe in a few years the dorm would be a good step between living at home and getting her own place but staying with us for now is what she wants." *More about Alice's relationship with Bill and Tanya:* "At this point it's pure speculation but I've always sort of picked up that Bill is of the opinion that Tanya and their kids together are his family and she's this sort of Harry Potter-esque relation he's stuck with. At first I thought it was a race thing (her mom was from Guatemala and she has dark skin and pin straight dark hair rather than being pale curly haired like the rest of us) but as she aged, if you compare photos of her mom to her at the same ages, they could have been twins. I think it's a lot of jealousy from Tanya and Bill is just a dirtbag so I have no idea how his brain works." *More on OOP using the term "brat:"* What I meant is that Alice acts out pretty severely and is like a completely different kid with her folks than anywhere else. If you ask her teachers, coaches, other relatives who have her over we'll all tell you she's a great kid, smart and compassionate. You see her at home with her parents and it's a different story. I 100% recognize that she's acting out so badly because the only time she gets any attention at home is when she's being punished but I cut the part explaining that out because I'm not such good with the wordsmithing sometimes." "Alice doesn't cause harm from anything I've ever seen or been told. She stomps off and slams her bedroom door, gets into shouting matches with her step mom and swears a lot." *More about the rest of the family:* "Her dad and I have locked horns over this a few times. I was still a youngun myself when her mom passed so I haven't always been in a position to do anything more than lock horns but I've at least been here. Not to excuse the extended family but I think a fair few of them would be more sympathetic if they lived closer and didn't just get his spin on it over facebook and saw what the branch of the family tree that lives here sees. They're not a big league of evil aunts and uncles, they're just kinda ignorant and have been fed a very creative interpretation of the truth by Bill and Tanya for over a decade with no evidence of there being more to it. Plus my dislike for Bill and Tanya is quite well known in our family which also colors their perception of the situation a bit I'd wager." *Bill remarried Tanya quickly after his first marriage:* "That does sound ominous when it's put like that but afaik there's nothing untoward there. Alice's mom was hit by a random drunk driver and Bill's just a schmuck. Without putting the family dirty laundry out there, my understanding is that their marriage was born out of convenience and not necessarily love. That's it's own story that doesn't really belong on reddit." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/153alim/update_aita_for_taking_in_my_problem_cousin_and/)**: July 18, 2023 (11 months later)** So, about a year ago my (31M) cousin Alice (F19) moved in with my wife (F28) on her 18th birthday after being told she needed to move out on said birthday from her parents (Early/mid50s idc enough to do the math) house by said parents. I'm here with an update at her suggestion. The Good: A year later she's a year into an Engineering degree, she's been playing lots of hockey, raised a couple of steers all on her own and at her therapists recommendation she's down to monthly sessions after a brief stop at bi-weekly after starting with weekly. She's the same sweet kid but without the extra unneeded stress of being treated like an "also ran" alongside her younger siblings. The Bad: Her dad showed up about a month after my original post and there was a confrontation of sorts that ended with a peace bond being issued with restrictions on how Bill and Tanya could contact Alice, myself, my missus or a couple other family members that got involved. After the 6 months required by the peace bond, Tanya started getting back up to her old tricks but Bill seems to have smartened up a bit. The peace bond meant she has had limited contact with her siblings which has been tough. The oldest (15M) started out pretty hostile but some of the other cousins filled him in on what was going on (I got blamed for his sudden shift in attitude, because we've established that I am just the worst with jazz hands and everything) The Silly: Gossipy family mellowed out when they realized that the literal gravy train wasn't going to stop at the station for them. Thanksgiving last year was 26 people compared to the 60+ that came the last year I threw it prior to COVID restrictions. Easter this year was back up to an even 40 so we're probably going to plateau a little short of the old numbers. As for resolution to the problem, Bill has been texting Alice every couple of days to check in. They've gone for coffee a few times after the peace bond expired. "I'd go to his funeral but not his birthday party" were Alice's words when I asked her about where they're at. I'm hoping time can heal that wound but she's been really good at setting boundaries. To quote one of the great warrior poets of our time, John Cougar Mellencamp, life goes on. I'll answer questions if it's allowed, otherwise, here's some closure guys. Edit was to fix spelling. ***Relevant Comments:*** *On Tanya and Bill:* ***(editor's note- I'm including this one because I love OOP's writing)*** "Yeah the two of them are a bit of mustard shy of a sandwich sometimes. They've sworn up and down that they weren't actually going to kick her out and that it was meant to "smarten her up" and stuff like that but whether or not they're lying is for someone who cares more about it to figure out. Kiddo's safe and sound. That's what matters." *Where they're from:* "Oh, Canada. That part's not a secret. It's a big place." "People from rural canada talk funny. Truth in television." *One more thought on his family and their relationship:* "I was Alice from my generation of the family tree and thankfully, while I didn't have a relative to throw me a bone The Chief took me under his wing. Because of this, they (rightly) assume I have a chip on my shoulder and am projecting my own frustration and hurt on the situation. They're (wrongly) assuming that the chip, frustration and hurt are the sole motivating factors and that I'm seeing parallels between us that aren't there because of it. This has lead some of the family that got one side of things and not others to be hesitant to take anything I say/do/think at face value. Is what it is I suppose."

AITA for taking in my "problem cousin" and cancelling family events?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158x405/aita_for_taking_in_my_problem_cousin_and/

158yt47

**I am not the Original Poster. Original post by** u/veggieevengeance **in** r/entitledparents *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts* mood spoilers: >!tension, confrontation, stress!< --- &nbsp; [**I put vegetables in all my food so my roommate's kid won't eat them. The mom is UPSET**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/14nhvmf/i_put_vegetables_in_all_my_food_so_my_roommates/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, July 01, 2023 I(26f) live in a rented house with a single mother(30f) and her son(6m). I had another person living with me but they moved out and the mother moved in. I don't mind living with her and her kid. It's fine and we kind of do our own thing. I spend a lot of time at my boyfriend's place or working. Our work schedules collide so we really don't interact much but when we do it's fine. No issue there. I want to start with saying that she clearly struggles financially but I don't think it's an excuse. I don't make lots of money either. However I've noticed that my food would go missing or portions would be taken from it. I assumed it was her kid so I asked her if she'd stop him from eating my food. I was calm about it and she just said she would. It didn't really upset me when it first started. It started getting annoying when I'd get home from work and expect to have a meal's worth of leftovers in the fridge only to see it picked through or just gone. I kept bringing it up and she started getting annoyed with me bringing it up. Just from observing them I realized that neither of them ever eat vegetables. And judging by the food that would get picked through and the food that would be untouched. Anything with green in it was avoided. Orange chicken would be gone but chicken and broccoli would be untouched. So I started putting vegetables in EVERYTHING. I find vegetables to be delicious. And anything green or not a potato does not get eaten. So I could mix some bell peppers into the food and it would be fine. I make a big portion of vegetables pretty frequently anyway so I just started putting it in everything I eat. If I had leftover mashed potatoes i'd pour green beans in and mix it up. If I had leftover cheesy/bacon fries I'd pour broccoli all over it and mix it in. Usually my homemade stuff has vegetables in it but I started making sure everything did. I made a pot of mac n cheese(the kid's favorite thing) and poured in roasted brussel sprouts. Which is actually delicious to me and I'm eating more vegetables so it's a win win. She had been seeming annoyed but we were all home when I made the pot of mac n cheese. She was in the living room and saw me get out the brussel sprouts and was like "what are you going to do with that?" and I poured them in. She said I was being greedy and annoying. I just said "I like brussel sprouts" and that was it. She said "we need food" and I told her to go get some. Or stop buying only prepackaged things and your money will go further. I think she sees this as some big act of revenge but I just simply want to be able to eat my food. Also want to add that the sharing is not the issue. It's expecting to have food there and it's not. So often I'd be working a long day and get home expecting to have a meal's worth of food and it all be gone. Or I wake up in a rush and had my food ready to eat in the morning only to find it gone. So now I have to skip breakfast. If she would simply text sometimes "hey is it okay if we eat *food item*" I would know and know to make other plans. I would stop for food or know I have to whip something up when I get home. Also I think eating the LAST of someone else's food is crazy and rude. If someone makes a big pot of something and you ask for a serving, sure. But if someone made something and there is one serving left and you eat it without permission that is evil as hell. &nbsp; **[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/150kobh/i_put_vegetables_in_all_my_food_to_stop_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in** r/pettyrevenge - Sat, July 15, 2023 So I have been steadfast with putting vegetables in everything. I've put vegetables in things I've never even thought of. This has carried on and the mom calls me a jerk but will not verbalize that she is eating my food. She just sees me making a lasagna and adding celery and bellpeppers in the layers of fumes off to the side. The only thing I can't add vegetables to is snacks like chips or if I bake brownies or cookies. However this is easily remedied by putting baked goods in a tupperware and keeping them in my room. Same with chips. As I have previously stated the sharing is not the issue. Recently the kid knocked on my door and asked if he would have a bag of microwave popcorn. I said yes and gave him one. All of this would be way less annoying if she'd just text "hey can I have some of this" and waited for my response before just helping herself. I do feel for the mom because she clearly struggles with cooking and trying new foods. She is older than me and winces at the thought of biting into anything green. And it is spreading to her kid but it's no excuse. A few days ago I was making taco meat out of ground beef and like usual she was looking without looking. She was off to the side watching my every move but trying her to look normal. I made a dish the day before that involved sautéed mushrooms and cut up peppers. So when the meat was almost ready I opened the fridge and she freaked when she saw me holding the mushrooms. She said "(son's name) hates mushrooms!" and I just poured them in the pan and mixed along with the cut up peppers. This caused her to react in a way I'd never seen from her before. She was yelling and stomping around the kitchen while the kid just watched. Felt bad for the kid to have to see his mom like that. People were worried about her tampering with my food. I don't think she's the kind to do that but if she did I would report that right away. She was flipping out but she didn't snatch my food or knock anything over. She was opening and slamming cabinets and it was all very silly. Then she started going off about how she is going to get the authorities involved. I just told her "sure" and that she needs to relax. She seemed genuinely upset and stressed and I told her that I understand being a single mom is hard but she needs to use her government assistance more responsibly. She'll come home with cold mac n cheese, sushi, and chicken from the grocery store prepared foods and blow all if it on that. I suggested food pantries and buying ingredients that last a while like potatoes. She said I was being condescending and I always have food to eat. This is to address the "just make a portion of your food and set it aside for her and the kid." I do NOT make enough money to regularly feed two other people. If every now and then she asked for some of my leftovers, sure. But this is a consistent thing that was happening. It's not simple as giving her leftovers that I "won't eat anyway." If I make a pot of something I expect live off of that for the next few days. If it is eaten then MY money is messed up and I have to go shopping again and budget for more food. Wastes my time and money &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the Original Poster!**

I put vegetables in all my food so my roommate's kid won't eat them. The mom is threatening LEGAL action

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158yt47/i_put_vegetables_in_all_my_food_so_my_roommates/

158zqmv

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwRAWorking-Wife **My (30F) husband (30M) of 7 years is really angry that I refuse to quit my job to become a stay at home wife/girlfriend. Not sure what to do** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Special thanks to u/queenlegolas for showing me these posts** **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Infidelity, financial abuse, manipulation and gaslighting!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12a0vqu/my_30f_husband_30m_of_7_years_is_really_angry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Apr 2, 2023** Hi everyone. Not really familiar with reddit and having an account but saw this is an online forum for relationship advice and could use some input. I love my husband and he's an amazing man, but we have flaws like everyone else. We both aged out of foster care and met at a Youth Fulfillment program, basically a work camp that helps kids with no families learn the fundamentals for living, finances, certificates, as needed. We were both 18 and stayed in contact after the program ended. He made it clear he liked me, but I was truly petrified of men at that point in my life due to past experiences and rejected him a bit harshly. I reached out to apologize and we became friends, then a year or two later I saw he posted he on snapchat he was in my area, I asked if he would want to go on a date so I could practice being comfortable around guys and he agreed. He never made a move, never touched me, never made weird eye contact. If I said no he didn't ask a second time, not even as a suggestion. We went on these platonic dates for months with nothing happening, and one day I asked for a hug and then asked for a kiss and he asked me to be his girlfriend. We got married a year after and our 7 year anniversary is around the corner. We agreed we would not even think about having kids until we were older since both of us were the product of young parents. We've really just only focused on getting by on using as little money as possible and saving up every dime to buy a house. Thankfully, we got our house a few months ago and we were both able to quit our 2nd jobs and for the first time only work regular 9-5s. Yay!! I've discovered I really like gardening and baking and I love having a real home. We have been discussing adding to our family by having a baby and I feel very ready to be a mom. Scared still, yes, but ready. But my husband brought up how sad I would be if I had t quit since I've worked so hard. I told him I had zero plans to quit, I would only take maternity leave. Plus my company allows maternal and paternal remote options for 1 year after birth, so I can just work from home if needed. I know its a lot to do with a newborn but giving up the security of my paycheck is simply not an option. He told me this was what we worked for, to make our own perfect family opposite from what ours were like and I was blindsiding him by changing my plans and I told him no plan has changed, I can have a career and be a mom. Plenty of women do it. He doesn't have to quit his job to be a dad so why should I? He said it wouldn't work for a babies needs and I told him ok, since I make more money than you do why don't you quit and I go back to work remotely after healing from birth. That way we have both hands on deck and we don't have a severe loss of income as I make $89k/yr and he makes $52k/yr. He mentioned that if I trusted him fully this shouldn't be a problem. I told him I trust him but I don't trust our current economy, but I left out that I really do genuinely think quitting my job with no savings (wiped out by getting the house) and relying on a man is absolutely stupid. He had plans made previously with his parents and had to leave so we said we would pick the conversation back up when he gets home but he's very very upset. Madder than I have ever seen him and I don't understand why he just assumed I would quit? Not only do I not understand it, but it makes me trust him a lot less than I did yesterday. I have a bad habit of running for the hills when problems come up and not gonna lie, this is making me really nervous. Thank you for reading all of this if you have! I'm open ears to what could be going through his mind or why he is thinking like this, really just doesn't seem logical to me. He's been watching all of these videos of stay home wives/girlfriends an di feel like this is influencing him a lot. Edit: There was an update to this post. We are no longer together. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **[deleted]** >So, this is just my opinion. >I think his childhood and upbringing trauma is playing into this a LOT. This doesn't sound like a situation where he wants to control you like in some posts but more like a situation where he has idealized what a perfect family might look like and so he wants to give his children that. >You two need to go to couples counseling for a while. Figure it out with a therapist to help interced and help him understand. Financial security is important. Hold off getting pregnant until you guys have been in couples therapy for 6 months or so and have begun working towards some common ground. >As for him going off to meet his parents - is it possible having them back in your lives is contributing to this need for a picture perfect family? Just curious. **OOP replied** >Thank you for this comment, I've been thinking on it for most of the day now. The parents he went to see are foster parents, but the was some legal issues going on and they had to release guardianship. He lived with them from 10-15 until ending up back at a group home and aging out but they always stayed in contact and he considers them them as parents. >But they never lost contact so I'm not sure if that would be it, but he didn't start seeing them in person again until 2-3 years ago. >I've never thought he was controlling, but we have talked in the past about this type of thing and I have always told him I would never want to be a stay at home mom. Maybe, at most, until they're in elementary IF he was making a lot more money but we're not at the income level/networking level where I can get away with having 5 year gaps in my employment. >Neither of us has attempted therapy again, and most of our experiences were less than pleasant with DHR/child services counselors so I'll see if he's open to the idea. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/153deg8/update_my_30f_husband_31m_of_7_years_is_really/) **July 18, 2023** It's been a few days since he came home and told me he met a girl at work and she's "a better woman" than me, and that she has a son already and will be a stay at home wife or girlfriend or whatever the fuck. He gets his happy ending I guess. He texted me right before I got off work and asked me to pick up food. From one of our usual date night spots. I got home and noticed his car had boxes in it and a woman I didn't know. I tried opening the door but it was locked and she just looked at me. What little was left of our savings, he took. And both of our cats. I didn't see this coming at all. I haven't told any of my friends yet. His adoptive parents have been dropping me off food that I can't even force myself to eat. I haven't cried yet. I'm kind of still in shock. I wish I had a family to run to. But for now the internet has to do. I haven't answered any of his calls or texts. He keeps trying to check in, ask if I'm okay. How the fuck would I be okay? I never thought he would cheat. I asked him to promise if there was ever someone else he would just tell me as soon as he knew, but they've been together at least 6 months. So while he was calling me selfish for not wanting to put in my 2 weeks and be a stay at home wife, he was dating her the entire time... planning a future with her the entire time... I feel stupid. I should've taken everyone's advice more literally. When I asked him to go to therapy he wouldn't. His parents think he's have some type of mental break. I should've stayed afraid of him and avoided him. I should've chosen a better outcome for myself. I just feel like the same girl that no one wants to love anymore all over again. I know what he did isn't my fault, I know I could never stop him and really do I want a man who doesn't want me? Never. But that just doesn't stop it from hurting. ​**RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Significant-Jello-35** >He wanted you to be reliant on him and didn't want you to be smart enough to find out his affair. See if you can dig more info about AP. Go nuclear on them both. You are still young, you can find a new love. **OOP replied** >Once I found out she was 20 I stopped caring. Their karma will come one day on its own. I doubt I would be able to stop myself from having to do hard time in prison if I ever see them again. * **rivlet** >Let's be real: she grabbed onto him with her kid and he'll leave her just as fast as he left OP when he realizes he doesn't actually want what he thinks he wants. Mostly because he'll realize it's not what he thinks or its way too hard for him to do. **OOP replied** >>His mom (adoptive) called me and is already coordinating for dropping the cats back off to me. >>He didn't know his new girlfriend is allergic. At least I get a little laugh already lol rivlet >>>If he didn't even know that....imagine what other surprises he's going to discover. >>>What did he do? Just grab the first woman who would agree with his idea of what a relationship looks like and say, "She'll do"? ##**OOP MADE A NEW UPDATE AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED** [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15be24g/update_2_my_30f_husband_31m_of_7_years_is_really/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 27, 2023** Really want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of the people who reached out to me with well wishes. Especially other spouses who experienced similar, it helped so much more than you could ever know. There has been a few things that have happened, and honestly I'm exhausted in every way possible so the input from folks has really been useful in organizing my thoughts and keeping an open mind. I couldn't help it but for days I compared us and wondered what the fuck he could've been thinking until I realized she's a carbon copy of his biological mother, or at least the stories he heard about her since she died when he was 5. I hate that I feel bad for him still, even after what he's done, but we offered him support for his thoughts, we urged him to go to therapy, I even offered to pay for it myself, and he was too prideful. I lost both of my parents too, at an older age with even more core memories with them, so it wasn't a boat he was in alone. But he chose to act like it was and wallow in self pity. He called me on our 7 year wedding anniversary, minutes after midnight, whispering apologies and saying he feels so guilty. I asked for what, and he just said well you know. What we're going through. I told him, no its what you're doing. We are going through nothing. I was abandoned by my husband exposed to god knows what while you were fucking her and coming back home to me. We were still having sex like EVERY SINGLE DAY so I made sure he knew just how disgusting I thought he was. Then he got pissed and told me he only started cheating because I couldn't follow his lead? Sir, look where you led yourself. Our entire marriage I've pushed him career wise, hell, the job he has right now I applied to on his behalf. Meanwhile I'm pretty sure he doesn't, or didn't even know what my full job title is. I pushed him to reach out to the adoptive parents when he started getting family obsessed but neither of us were ready for a kid. He went on, about how I broke my promise first when I decided I didn't want to be a "real mom" by not quitting. That I was turning his adoptive parents against him because they are refusing to meet his new girlfriend. He blamed me again and then had the nerve to say that this could all be "put on pause" if I can learn how to make decisions that benefit a family and not my self.. I asked point blank if he was insinuating that we could get back together if I quit my job. He told me yes, I will always love you, but you make things more difficult than needed. I hung up and blocked him on everything. Spent the rest of the night hugging wine in the bathtub and wondering what the hell kind of person I had been sharing my heart with. The next day he went public with their relationship, posting a photo to instagram and most of our mutual friends reached out, with my closest friends commenting less than... kind things on the photo. As it turns out, he and his new girlfriend have been together for 7, almost 8 months. She is 20, her son is around 2. I reached out to her ex, the father of her son, who she had left to be with my ex husband. She moved out in the middle of the day and took their kid so he was just as blindsided, if not more, than I was. We met up and went for a walk, stopped by a bar. Literally cried, laughed, hugged each other, sang songs way too loudly and sobbed in public like a lunatic but it helped so much. We also made sure to exchange evidence for any court battles. I'm a little iffy towards him for now considering that they had quite the age gap.. she was 17 when they met and he was 26. He said she lied about her age and they met at a college party and then next thing he knew she was pregnant. He gave her money for an abortion but she came back with baby clothes instead, so he tried to do the right thing and moved her in with him. Also she's not actually allergic to cats.. she just hates them. She also was very aware he was married and has been to the house multiple times. He admitted he had cheated on her before their son had been born (while she was pregnant) but that she didn't tell him she knew until after she had moved out with their son. He said he was still texting her everyday, not just about their son, but also about possibly working things out. He wants her back, but she seems to be head over heels for my husband just like I was. I told him good luck but yeah... not the direction I'm going in at all. This time he made his bed and he will lay in it for good. Our chances of reconciliation are zero. I have never accepted someone back into my life after a betrayal and it won't start now. At first I wanted to make sure the divorce was going to be short and as simple as possible even if it meant giving up some things, but after that conversation.. I have decided I'm fighting tooth and nail for everything I can possibly get. I live in a no fault divorce state but my state does have special laws for adultery (can still sue for it here) and the divorce attorney I've consulted said it looks pretty good that I won't have to pay him alimony. He also told me to look into every single banking transaction in my accounts, as he did not think they got an apartment on his income without some extra cushion -- aka my money -- and he was right. Last year my ex husband told me he got really into stock trading and if he could invest some of my money as well. Guess who was never doing any stock trading and the screenshots he showed me were all fake/pulled from somewhere else, and he had been sending that money to his girlfriend or saving it for their new place. I've been pretty enraged since finding that out. He asked his adoptive parents to ask me to allow him "visitation rights" to see the cats, after he had to give them back once he realized his new gf is "allergic" to them. I relayed that he needs to first, run me my fucking money, and then take it up with the judge. I didn't think visitation was a real thing for pets but according to my lawyer it very much is. I officially filed for divorce yesterday and he emailed me quite the colorful email about how selfish and bitter I am for not putting my pride aside and being "so fast" to file for divorce and refusing to let him stop by the house to see the cats that now he's accusing me of cheating. I read somewhere that you never really know someone until you're divorcing them, and I can truly confirm that is true. I felt like you guys deserved some sort of update considering how much support I was given, I can't share more details for now but really thank you all again. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (30F) husband (30M) of 7 years is really angry that I refuse to quit my job to become a stay at home wife/girlfriend. Not sure what to do

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158zqmv/my_30f_husband_30m_of_7_years_is_really_angry/

15918s1

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/briar26 **I (29F) am moving in with my BF of 3 years (33m) and my fundamentalist Mom (65F) is furious.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation ans Emotional abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10edcdy/i_29f_am_moving_in_with_my_bf_of_3_years_33m_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=) **Jan 17, 2023** My mom and I have always had a very close relationship. She tells me everything, I am her only daughter, her confidant since I was a small child (telling me everything from financial troubles to have issues with my dad/brothers, etc). Her pride has always been that I have always been very mature for my age, being able to cook, clean, take care of my brother with ASD, being homeschooled, being active in my church, etc. So much so that people have always mistaken me for being 10+ years older then I was since I was 13-14 or so. Please keep in mind I grew up in the fundamentalist world, think Duggars, IBLP, Bill Gothard, Quiver-full,etc. Te vibe is ultra conservative, long skirts and hair, no TV and only select music, homeschooling, tons of kids and such. I have 6 brothers, for example. All homeschooled k-12. I have always been extremely good at toeing the line between being compliant and being a silent rebel. Always did and said the right thing so as to not be in trouble and have privileges restricted but always questioning everything and pushing boundaries as far as I could. I went to college, got my AAS, work in healthcare. I moved out by myself (HUGE upset) and am financially independent. Lived on my own for years, and am fully self sufficient. I have slowly distanced myself from my fundamentalist background, I have lost almost all the friends I had growing up, as we were friends by necessity not really choice in most cases. We have rather just grown apart or it is because I left and they stayed. Even leaving my church, I just slowly phased out, giving up responsibilities in college due to being busy and slowly showing up less and less. Again, Im an excellent “quiet rebel”. I met my BF right before Covid hit. We get along great, he is calm where I am anxious, absolutely hilarious and makes me feel like Im home whenever I’m with him. I can honestly say he is the love of my life. My mom had never liked him, feels like he doesn’t have his priorities straight (he is successful in his career and also fully self sufficient) because he likes sports too much. Doesn’t like his friends, who she has never met she just picks apart any story I tell her to find an issue with them. They have been super kind and welcoming to me. She just “doesn’t like him” but is never really able to give me a solid reason. My dad and my brothers/in laws love him. I told them we were moving in together in a few months. My dad told me he would prefer if we got married first but that it was ultimately my choice. My mon lost it, storming out of the house and then storming back in to tell me to get out. So I left and have heard nothing for days. She texted me this AM saying we need to meet so we can talk before I make the “biggest mistake of my life”. Honestly I’m so emotionally exhausted. I’m tired, sad and numb. I fluctuate between trying to not cry and panic to just staring off and shutting down and trying to think of nothing at all. I know I’m too old for this, I know I should be far past these growing pains and that I should just move on and cut her off. But I cant, who is she going have if Im gone? Her life is so hard with my brother having medical issues and I have always been there to help amongst other things. I’m her support and feel so selfish. I do NOT want to talk to her but know I have to. What the hell am I supposed to say? What would you say? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **loridrum** >I'm not going to touch on the religious or moral aspects of this because I'm sure others will do so. I want to emphasize the fact that your mother relying on you as her soul confidant from such a young age is absolutely 100% inappropriate. Your mother forced you into a position that no child should ever have to be in. The result is this overwhelming guilt as you try to establish normal boundaries. You may not have had a choice when you were young and being her support system but you have a choice now. Please make the choice to reset this dysfunctional relationship with your mother and choose to be healthy instead. * **Seeker131313** >Who is she going to have if you're gone? Your mother has a husband! And 6 other children! She is also a grown woman who is responsible for managing her own emotions. I get that that is obviously not her strong suit, since she parentified you and inappropriately used you as an emotional spouse since you were a child, but that is not your problem. Now that you are an adult, you can, and should, refuse to discuss this topic with her. "Mom, I have made my decision and won't be discussing this with you". She gets upset? Leave or hang up the phone--"Mom, we can visit another time when you've had a chance to calm down". Be proud of yourself and don't let her drag you down! [Update - 6 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15371p2/update_i_29f_am_moving_in_with_my_bf_of_3_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 18, 2023** See link if you want the story again. But for my update, My Mom tried everything; tears, threats, gaslighting, contacting people from my past to stop me. I cut contact, didn’t tell her where our new place was. She was texting my BF for weeks, he blocked her and never responded. Only recently have we started gently talking again. My bf and I have been living together for more then 4 months. We adopted 2 dogs from a local rescue. We meal prep together, workout together, watch movies/sports and are obsessed with our neighborhood farmers market. With the support of my friends, boyfriend, and brothers I am going back to school this fall for a higher degree. I also started taking medication for my mental health and am seeing a therapist. I am so damn happy and excited for what the future holds. Thank you to everyone for their support, I read every comment and cried through them all. Seriously thank you, you have no idea what everything meant to me. Anyone wanting further context, you could watch Shiny Happy People. That unfortunately is my background. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (29F) am moving in with my BF of 3 years (33m) and my fundamentalist Mom (65F) is furious.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15918s1/i_29f_am_moving_in_with_my_bf_of_3_years_33m_and/

1594x4o

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/cockroatsch **in** r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!positive for the OOP, he regrets nothing!<  Some edits for readability and punctuation. OOP mentioned in a comment that English is not his first language and he is new to posting on Reddit. &#x200B; [My gf fucking cheated on me for the dumbest reason](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14vphwh/my_gf_fucking_cheated_on_me_for_the_dumbest_reason/) \- 10th July 2023 I can’t believe it. My gf cheated on me but for that reason! Let me start of. In Highschool there was this girl that had a crush on me and eventually asked me out. She couldn’t believe it after I agreed because she always mentions that I am "*out of her league*“. I would always tell her that it’s not important and that I love her or else why would I agree on a date? Right? The date went great and we stayed together until she was 22f and I was 23m. We both have decent paying jobs and we are living in a house and we were planning to marry and etc. The thing I didn’t like was that she still always mentioned that I was out of her league. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and I asked her why she would always mention it. She said that she was scared I would cheat on her. I will describe my life: no female friends just 5 best friends since my childhood, I don’t go partying and if I would go I would never go without my girlfriend, I usually go two to three times a week without her with my buddies mostly to the gym. She does go partying without me, but I don’t really mind because I have trust in her and I am not this kind of jealous partner. She would always come back at around 3 am but I would like be sleeping because I have work at 5 am. I am pretty active in Instagram and I would always post pics of me with my buddies or my gf or just pictures of me in the holidays. I would have many people in my dms but I would always ignore them, tell them I have a gf or just block them. Now one day I was at the gym with my friends and one of them invited me to his house because we were very tired, he asked me to stay for the night and I agreed. I immediately told my gf and sent her my location. She just read it and everything went on normal. So the other day she came home later than usual (around 4:30 am) I was awake because I had to go work. After I saw her I just asked why she came so late and she answered with "*I have just forgotten the time*”. I didn’t think much about it and went to work. Later that day I got a message from her saying that we have to talk. I just said that I have to work and I am coming later. Later that day I came home and she was sitting on the couch crying. I thought someone died and I went to comfort her. I asked her what’s wrong and she told me that the day she came late, she had slept with her ex. I just looked at her and then asked: "*why?*”. She said that she is insecure because I am out of her league and that she is pretty sure that I have cheated too at least once. I just continued looking at her and I said that I needed an moment and I ran out of the house. I didn’t know what to do so I just went outside and drove with my car away. I am not an emotional person so I didn’t really cry but I was the just thinking the whole time: "*She fucking cheated on me!*”. After I came back home I saw her just acting like everything is normal and she tried to give me a kiss but I refused. I don’t know what to do right know. I told her that I am staying at my friends for a few days. What should I do? &#x200B; **Top comment** >Sounds like she was right, you are way out of her league. This won't be the only time this happens if you stick around, especially because she is using cheating that she imagined/fabricated to justify cheating on you. The audacity of accusing you of cheating on her right after cheating on you herself is unreal. &#x200B; >Well, she now has not one but TWO genuine reasons to think she doesn't deserve you : her lack of trust and her cheating on you. > >Take care of yourself first, OP. Stay with your friends, chat with them and have fun if you can, and think about the future when you'll feel ready.   [**Update- My gf cheated on me for the dumbest reason**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/151cz0b/update_my_gf_cheated_on_me_for_the_dumbest_reason/) **- 16th July 2023** I’ll make that as short as I can. So to me, I am doing great and I don’t regret anything. So people thought I would stay, people tried to give me advice. Like you for real thought I am going to stay with her? Of course I was going to dump her! To be honest I used some advice but let’s start of. I didn’t stay long at my friends (two days). After that I went home and immediately said without even greeting her: *"You know, you were right, I am way out of your league and not just with my looks.“* She immediately started crying but I didn’t care at all. I just wanted her out of my face. She tried to apologize and restart but I just declined with "*heck no!*“ After she cried her ass out she went away I don’t know where she went, but I don’t really care either. I have heard that she tried to make herself the victim but I didn’t care what or how she is doing. I got shit stormed by her friends but it was just very funny. I took it easy and went on just like normal. It’s her loss I guess… I am sorry for the short update and the late posting! &#x200B; **Top Comment** *Tf did she think was gonna happen? She was worried OP's out of her league, so therefore she cheated on him to prove it? She just decided in her head that because OP is attractive, he must have fucked around (because hot people can't be faithful??) and therefore she gets a free pass too? And after all that she STILL can't believe he's dumping her trashy ass and acts like the victim to her friends?* *This girl could win a gold medal in mental gymnastics.* &#x200B; Flaired as concluded as the relationship is now over. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My gf cheated on me for the dumbest reason

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1594x4o/my_gf_cheated_on_me_for_the_dumbest_reason/

1598jil

**I am not the Original Poster. Original post by** u/Grouchy_Occasion_916 **in** r/TwoHotTakes *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!alcohol use!< mood spoilers: >!tension, reconciliation!< --- &nbsp; [**I left my best friend’s bachelorette party weekend trip, and now I’m not sure where we stand.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/150w46d/i_left_my_best_friends_bachelorette_party_weekend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, July 16, 2023 This happened only a few hours ago and it’s still very raw. But I felt I needed to write it all down, clear my head, and possibly get some outside perspective. So I (22F) am the MOH for my best friend (22F) of 18 years. We have been inseparable since we met at 4. Most people assume we are siblings and we never correct them, always referring to the other as “my sister”. She met her fiancé (23M) in college 4 years ago and they are getting married in a month. This weekend was the bachelor and bachelorette party. Leading up to this weekend, there was months of planning, booking, and excited anticipation. None of which I was a part of. I barely knew who was attending or where to go until a week before. But, no big deal, Bride is a big planner and is very particular about things so I let her and her mother plan even though I am stressed about when and where to be. (And a bit bummed about missing out on MOH “duties”) I show up on the Friday of the scheduled weekend, ready to have a good time. I show Bride the sashes, glasses and other things I had purchased for the weekend, she seems pleased. We get dinner and our small party (Me, Mother of Bride, MOB’s Best Friend, and Bride) turn in for the night. The next morning we ask Bride about her plans for the weekend. “Get as drunk as possible” If anyone asked her to eat a meal (it was 8AM-12PM) She said “It’s my fucking weekend, I’m an adult.” Or some other form of fuck off. She was much nicer when drunk to be honest. When there wasn’t a drink in her hand she was bitter and angry. Our party was concerned, as we felt our only job was to keep an eye on her and “babysit” her. At one point at our lunch, I mentioned that I wanted to show her something, but wanted her “not to be drunk when she saw it” she replied that “if I said another thing about her getting sloshed this weekend she’d slap me” I kept my mouth shut in shock. She was sober when she said this to me. As the day drags on, our party is sunburned, we have blisters on our feet, our muscles are cramping, and we are running on little sleep but we are told to “suck it up”. We have 10 minutes or she is bar hopping in this large city alone. So, up we all go. At the last bar, (that I went to) her mother asked her not to be rude, her response? “If you don’t like it then go home” her mother sighs and walks into the bar, while I snapped. I told her that honestly I had been thinking about it, and that I was sick of the attitude all weekend. I received the same “it’s my weekend” I told her that this had been going on long before this weekend and she looks at me and asks me , “why are you here then?” I responded- “because you asked me to be here” “you didn’t have to come” she said as she is turning around and walking to her drink. The whole time she was ordering said drink. I told her-“you’re right” I then walked back to the hotel, packed, and left. --- &nbsp; *All Updates were added to the original post* **UPDATE/EDIT** Thank you all for the replies I wasn’t really expecting much 🥲 **Frequent asked questions:** - Is this normal for Bride? Not normally no. The past few months (and yes I had accounted it to wedding stress) she had been much more critical and harsh. And she only really spoke or messaged me when she wanted something from me. - Where were all the other Bridesmaids? I’m all. It’s only me that is a Bridesmaid and MOH. One reason why we are so close as friends is because we are each other’s ONLY friends. I always knew that she was a “difficult” person to be around, but she was always kind to me. Until this. And as for me, I have INTENSE social anxiety, and simply going around this weekend in the crowds was hard for me. - Why were you against her having a good time and letting loose? I’d like to make it very clear, I have NO PROBLEM with her doing whatever she wants on her bachelorette weekend or at anytime. I do however, begin to mind when it is at the expense of others mental/ physical health. Just because it was “her weekend” did not give her the excuse to treat the people who love and care about her like dirt under her shoe. - Some further explanation Her mom and mom’s best friend definitely know how to party. I saw that some thought it was odd that they were there. Bride is a first year teacher and Fiancé is a Computer software engineer from a well off family. They travel often and live comfortably. Wedding is completely paid for by Bride/Fiancé’s Family. Fiancé treats her like a QUEEN. Bride was the one who pushed getting married (even giving Fiancé an ultimatum to leave him if he didn’t propose 1 year after college grad) Also I saw a lot of confusion about the “I want to show you something” I wanted to show her something at our HOTEL. I then told her that I could show her the next morning so she could see it sober, as she would be drunk that night. That’s why it shocked me so much. Because I said it in a casual manner. I have not heard anything from Bride since last night. Both her mom and mom’s best friend have checked up on me. I know some of you told me to reach out, but she very much has a mindset of “I am always right. There is no compromise” That has always been that way. The only difference is now her fury is pointed at me. Thank you all. I’ll keep you updated. &nbsp; **UPDATE 2** Once again, thank you all so much for input and advice and overall just letting me rant. I still haven’t heard from Bride, but I spoke to her mom. I checked in to make sure that the made it back to the hotel room safely last night and that they also had a safe trip home and I asked how Bride was. She said that the mood didn’t change last night and they stayed out a good while longer, then made it back to the room. I asked her if anything had been going on with Bride, she said that she had no clue of why she was acting the way she did this weekend. It was a short conversation as she was tired from her drive home, but basically, no new info. I’m not normally active on Reddit, but I will update if anything else happens. &nbsp; **FINAL UPDATE** So Bride messaged me not too long ago. Apologized for her behavior over the weekend and for making me feel as if my only option was to leave. She said that she had been very overwhelmed and stressed due to moving, a new job and a pushy wedding planner. She said she felt horrible for taking it out on me, but also didn’t want to bother me by constantly complaining about her problems. I told her that I was her best friend- it’s my job to be there for her, and that stress can make us all do crazy things. After a few minutes of talking (and de-stressing) I finally started to see the friend I know. Thank you all for the advice and support. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster!**

I left my best friend’s bachelorette party weekend trip, and now I’m not sure where we stand.

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1598jil/i_left_my_best_friends_bachelorette_party_weekend/

15999y4

**I am not the Original Poster. Original post in** r/AmItheAsshole **by** u/IntolerantCheeseFart *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts* trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!a little bit of tension, resolution!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for asking my friend if she’s pregnant?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/152b7aq/aita_for_asking_my_friend_if_shes_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Mon, July 17, 2023 My (M25) friend (F23) usually goes to the gym regularly and parties a lot. Lately, I’ve noticed that she stopped drinking entirely, as well as smoking, and has reduced her heavy lifting and gym visits. On top of that, she often excuses herself to go to the toilet (presumably to throw up), and I’ve noticed she appears a bit thicker and watery. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging her looks; it's just what I’ve noticed. Her chest has also noticeably grown. When we were out the other week, and I noticed she didn’t even touch her red bull, I pulled her aside to have a private conversation and asked her if she’s pregnant. She immediately flipped out and denied it. Right after that, she went home, and I covered for her when the group asked me why she left. I texted her later that same night to ask if I overstepped, and she simply replied, “you literally called me fat, douchebag.” I never did such a thing, but I simply let her be instead of arguing. Today, another friend told me she indeed is pregnant, and I don’t know what to make of her reaction towards me when I asked her in a one-on-one conversation. AITA? &nbsp; **EDIT** For those curious, when I asked her, I verbatim said, “I noticed you’ve been excusing yourself pretty often lately and are avoiding some things, could it be that you are pregnant?” **Judgement - ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **EDIT 2** Well, this post was a waste of time… except “you don’t do that,” which is most of the replies. There has been little actually useful feedback. Why don’t you do that? Why is it not socially acceptable to ask a close friend a normal question in a private setting? “It’s none of your business”… like, if that’s the energy, you could apply that to any question ever. It’s a simple yes, no / no comment thing. Are we still in the 1950s? &nbsp; *Update was added to original post* **UPDATE** She messaged me, and we met up during lunch break. She apologized for overreacting, and I apologized if my question was intrusive. We came to the conclusion that my question wasn’t intrusive, and neither did she overreact. She told me she’s 2 months pregnant and didn’t think anyone had noticed. She was keeping it a secret (at least from the guy circle of our group) because she was afraid of being called a whore. That’s why she freaked out when I asked her, and it’s also why she tried to deflect by saying I called her fat. I reassured her that nobody would think she’s a whore, especially not in our group. We are all very supportive and are looking forward to doing our best in helping her out during the following months. I also showed her this post, and she had a good laugh at some of the way overboard YTA-comments, especially the one that called me a pervert?? To be fair, she also said many of them put forward valid points, but that they, in most cases, rather concern strangers and not close friends you’ve shared big things with before, though. So, after all, I retract my second edit, and I’m actually happy with how this turned out, especially after receiving more useful feedback from the point I made the second edit on. Some of y’all really got too butthurt over edit 2, tho lmao. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster**

AITA for asking my friend if she’s pregnant?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15999y4/aita_for_asking_my_friend_if_shes_pregnant/

159b8pp

The OOP is u/VanBabyPony2 \- DO NOT HARASS HER Content Warning: >!Depression, Emotional Abuse, Attempted Suicide!< Mood Spoiler: >!Things get really bad, but there's a glimmer of hope!< Please note that I was not able to include all the posts here because Reddit posts have a character limit of 40,000 and this exceeded that. I considered making a part one/two of this, but decided against it as this story had been posted here before. So: **please read** [**this previous BORU post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpyapm/oops_mother_comes_out_and_abandons_her_to_be_with/) **for the first post and the first five updates**. To give a TL;DR: *OOP's mother came out of the closet and moved away with her fiancée. Things spiraled for OOP when she overheard her mother talking about moving on from her old life. Her mother did not visit her in the hospital when she medical issues. At her mother's wedding, OOP was snubbed by her mother. Her mother began forcing OOP to come over for her in-laws, trying to control her university choice and ditched her birthday party.* [Update 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/10er40v/update_6_told_my_mom_that_her_coming_out_is_what/) \- January 17th 2023: So, the day after my dad and his fiancee got married (I guess she's also my stepmom now) I had to go to Victoria because my mom wanted me there. My cousin was supposed to come but she changed plans cause her boyfriend got time off work so they went to Whistler instead. When I got to my mom's house, I was there for half an hour and found out my mom and her wife were going to Ottawa for her wife's job so I'd be staying with my step-grandparents until Christmas weekend. I call them step-grandparents here cause it makes sense for some reason but in real life I've started calling them nana and papa. I'll be honest, I had so much fun with them. I really love them both so much. Step-grandpa loves basketball as well and he's also a Lakers fan, step-grandma taught me how to knit (I'm not that good), they made me amazing breakfasts and lunch every day I was there, we would go out for dinner every night and they even live closer to UVic than my mom does, so they said if I go there, they'd turn a room into a study room for me. The thing was when my mom came back and I went back there, she told me that she found out while in Ottawa that they got a new car for me for Christmas. Mom was kind of angry because she thinks it's too much and I was honestly just scared cause I've never had anything so expensive. But my mom talked it out with my dad and apparently it's all right. So, on Christmas, they brought me the car and it is really cool. I was so nervous to drive it but I do like it. I left it in Victoria because I don't want to drive by myself yet. My mom got me a lot of presents and I mean a lot, there was so much there it felt super overwhelming. After Christmas, we saw that new Disney movie Strange World because my mom and I both love those kind of movies. In it the main character is a teenager who has issues with his dad and grandpa and he's also gay, but it's just who he is and it's handled like normal in the movie. But as soon as it became clear he was gay, my mom got really quiet and just kind of shut down and just went to her room when the movie was done. She didn't even say good night to me. When I went to brush I could hear her crying really badly to her wife and I know I shouldn't spy but I just had to and she was crying about how it's so normal now and how she wishes she could have come out as a teenager and lived her life the way she should have and how she and her wife could have gotten married way before. I felt really bad and then I heard her talk about how many years she wasted as a soccer mom and I got mad as well and just went to my room. I was kind of prepared to argue about the movie the next morning but my mom didn't even come out of her room. Her wife said she was feeling sick and when I went to say good morning, she stopped me cause she was like my mom doesn't me to see her like that. I heard my mom throwing up and when I said good morning through the door just to check on her she said it back but then started crying again really loudly and had her wife take me away because she said she can't let me hear her cry. I just stayed watching tv after that because I felt really bad cause it was my idea to watch that movie. Her wife kept going back and forth and tried to get her to eat and apparently she ate some bread but then she threw that up too. Then my step-grandparents came because they were worried and they went driving with me to distract me. We went to DQ even though it was really cold and it did get my mind off things until step-grandpa answered a call from my mom's wife and and then he was telling her to take my mom to a hospital but I heard her mention how my mom would rather die than go there and how she didn't see her parents in the hospital and didn't even go to see me. When my step-grandparents asked if that was true, I said it was about me and I tried not to but I did cry. They got me to stop and I still feel fucking embarrassed that I cried in front of them but we had a good day together. When my step-grandparents dropped me off, my mom was on the couch and called me over and then gave me such a big hug but it was like she was holding in tears. She told me that she wasn't feeling good at all and asked if I wouldn't mind going back to my step-grandparents the day after. Her wife said that maybe they should send me back to Vancouver and I could stay with my uncle and my mom just got so angry I actually got really scared and she went on a rant about how she's not going to let me see him and how he's just been trying to turn me against her and he just hates her because she doesn't have aids trauma (that didn't make sense because my uncle doesn't have aids) and he needs to get over himself and remember that my dad is his brother and not son and to focus on his actual granddaughter. Her wife tried to calm her down but then she just yelled out that she wishes that my uncle would just fucking die and it was the worst decision of her life to pity my dad and not just take me with her when she left. I really didn't know that she hated him that much. Like when I was younger, they were always so close and dad would even joke sometimes about her stealing his brother. I honestly started crying really badly because he is my favourite uncle but that just made mom angrier and she was like to her wife that it's jut proof that nobody understands and that my uncle is trying to steal me cause I'm the best thing in her life. Then she actually yelled at me to fucking stop crying, that I cried more than I did when I was a baby and she said the thing about me not getting a husband again. Her wife just took my mom to their room and they left me on the couch and I don't know I couldn't stop crying and I just fell asleep there cause I didn't feel like I could move. In the morning, I woke up and I was still on the couch but there was a blanket on me and my head was in my mom's lap and really felt like crying again but I held it in and then my mom actually said sorry. She said she doesn't know what's been happening to her since we saw the movie but it was no excuse to yell at me for crying and she's so sorry that she hurt me so badly and she's starting to understand how horrible she's been to me the entire winter break. She called her wife over and made her apologize to me too. And after breakfast we had a really big talk about how she was feeling and she seemed really sorry and said she would never get mad at me for crying again. But what mattered to me was when she said she was sorry she took all her anger on my uncle out on me and that she was wrong to do that and wrong to let me know how she feels because it would be wrong to make me stop loving him. She said she knows I might not forgive her but even if I do, she'll never forgive herself and she will try to change back to who I need her to be so we can go back to normal. She did offer to let me go to him and I don't know why I didn't say yes but I kind of felt like I still had to stay. I talked to her wife too and she was really sorry for what happened cause she'd never seen my mom that way before and just wanted to calm things down. She told me she was wrong not to take my side and apparently my mom was mad at her for not doing that and she feels really guilty and she's the one who put the blanket on me and she slept by me until like 4 AM when my mom came and took over. She also said she'd do whatever it took to get my forgiveness and she wishes she never hurt me because I've become such an important part of her life and she's so grateful I love her parents. For the rest of the break, my mom didn't really talk that much and she did start eating, but it wasn't that much. My step-grandparents came over every day to check on me. Mom did seem to get a little bit better on New Years. Every time I'd ask how she felt though she'd just say she's fine and it's her job to worry about me and not the other way around. I did go home the day after New Years because school was starting but I had to go back on Friday (I got back Sunday night) because I had a meeting at UVic. And mom seemed really different, she seemed smaller somehow and she definitely looked skinnier. I know it's only been two weeks but she seemed skinnier and she still seemed sad but like she was at least pretending to be happy. The meeting at UVic went really good and it really does seem like an amazing place to go to school and even though I don't know if I want to do engineering anymore, there's still a lot there. My mom did make me sign up to go check out UBC, SFU and Langara as well. She also said that she's going with her wife to Ontario in February and we can do a road trip together while her wife is working and check out univerisites there like Waterloo or McMaster and U of T. She said she wanted me to know I can choose to go to them but she's confident I'll come to her. But aside from the meeting, she didn't leave home at all (I did to hang out with my step-grandparents) and when I was there, she cuddled me almost the entire day unless we were eating and her wife told me she's been working from home. I don't know what to make about any of it like if this means I'm getting my mom back like she used to be or if she's just going to keep on changing or if she's depressed now too. I wasn't planning on posting but I feel like I need people's opinions on what could be happening with her. *Comments:* * OOP comments on her mom being afraid of the hospital [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/10er40v/comment/j4tsiyc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "Thank you, it meant a lot that my mom apologized to me too. I was surprised that she did and maybe it means more than it seems. I never knew she was afraid of the hospital before because it's not like she's never taken me to the doctor and she obviously had to go when she gave birth to me but it does make sense. " * OOP comments on her mom's AIDS insult [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/10er40v/comment/j4t7ddh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "I know for a fact that my uncle doesn't have aids. He helped me when I was in grade eight with a project we did on HIV/AIDS in Malawi about a book called the Heaven Shop and he introduced me to a friend of his from South Africa who has it for an interview part me and my friend put in it. But we didn't learn anything about an AIDS epidemic, only that it's a serious problem in countries like Malawi. My uncle's in his fifties, so maybe that was what she was talking about." * OOP comments on her parents' ages [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/10er40v/comment/j4ttq1n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "My mom and dad got married right when high school finished and then they had me not that long after. " [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/114w5or/oops_mother_comes_out_of_the_closet_and_then/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Feb 17th, 2023 [Update 7](https://www.reddit.com/user/VanBabyPony2/comments/11xw10y/update_7/) \- March 21st, 2023 So, I'm posting here because I've gotten a lot of DMs and I guess I just want to address things. My spring break is almost over, just this week left, so I don't know how much more I'll be on here. I'm not posting this in JUSTNOMIL because my original account has not been restored yet and I figure it's best if I only post on my profile or on mom for a minute and I'm sure that whoever sees this here could give advice. That way I won't break any rules again. So, first I haven't seen my mom since winter break and I do miss her a lot. It's weird because I don't want to go to her house and my therapist has been helping me deal with it saying this is the time to learn to be myself but I do miss her a lot and I wish I could see her. At the beginning of last month, my mom did start going to therapy herself and I was supposed to go and see her for Valentines but her therapist said she was unstable and made it an unsafe environment for me so I couldn't go. She texts me good morning and good night every day but whenever I've called or FaceTimed she would hang up and I know that because it ends after a ring or she'd text me to not call. I talked to her wife on the phone every week and she said she's been getting better. My cousin got engaged last week and my mom did call me then. My mom and my cousin are really close and I'm so happy she's getting married so it's a big deal for all of us. And my mom promised me that she'll come over whenever my cousin actually starts planning because she's doesn't want to get married until November. She did start making those jokes again about me and my boyfriend being next but stopped when I asked. And when she called, my mom told me that therapy has helped her see she had the wrong view on some things, so she said she's sorry for not to taking me with her when she came out and moved. She said that's why I was being resentful and thinking horrible things and if she could do it all over again, she would take me so we could be as close as we were. She said she didn't take me because she still loves my dad and was worried he would be broken without me and she didn't want to uproot my life. She did say it was nice to get a break from being a day to day mom but it hasn't been worth how bad things have gotten between us. She promised me I am the most important thing in her life and when therapy gets her to a place where she can be herself again we will be just like we used to. I don't know every time I think about that call it's been confusing me because I'm happy that she finally said sorry to me and that it's not my fault and she was wrong to go without me. But at the same time the call just kept making me feel like she's never going to get to where she needs to be even though she's in therapy. I know I'm being ridiculous or worrying too much because I tried to tell her that but she didn't get what I meant. My step-grandparents did come over for the weekend though. We had a lot of fun together and step-grandpa/papa promised me that he'd get us Lakers tickets if they made it to the playoffs. And not just him and me but my cousin, her fiancée, my dad and his wife too. So I really hope that they do. They did ask me about my mom and told me she's got a really big promotion at work but I guess they knew talking about her was making me sad since they only did it once. Oh and to people messaging me asking about my uncle and asking if he's the same uncle I mentioned who has a son, yes he is. When my uncle's partner was alive, he got custody of his nephew because his sister died and my uncle and his partner raised him together. So he is my uncle's son and is my cousin and his daughter is my niece. I got 12 people messaging me and like it's probably just one troll but it is very annoying. If you guys have any advice that I can bring up with my therapist, I would love to hear it. [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/125v8g9/oop_is_abandoned_by_her_mother_after_she_comes/) \- March 29 2023 [Update 8](https://www.reddit.com/user/VanBabyPony2/comments/13qyx3e/update_8/) \- May 24th 2023 So I guess I'm posting here because I need to vent somewhere because it feels like nobody is listening. I guess the first thing is that other than texting, my mom and I haven't talked at all aside from this last weekend. The first thing was that my cousin is getting married and she told me that she wants to have kids as soon as she gets married. Because my aunt isn't alive and our real grandparents aren't either, she wants my mom to be her kids' grandma. I don't know why that still made me feel so weird especially because I was there when my cousin phoned my mom and she seemed so happy and excited even though this is like two years away. But my mom has been taking care of my cousin since she was like eleven or twelve and they both mean a lot to each other so I tried to get over it. And then my step-grandfather got me, my dad, my cousin and her fiance tickets to the Lakers/Warriors game. My step-grandfather couldn't come even though he wanted to because my step-grandmother and my mom's wife got sick and my mom didn't feel she could take care of both of them alone. I still had the best time at the game and saw Lebron and Steph Curry and the Lakers even won but I wish that everyone could have gone. And then I got into UVic, UBC, SFU, McMaster, Waterloo, Guelph and University of Guelph. I think it's because of my extracurricular projects and clubs because my English grades are still very bad even though I'm doing great in everything else. So my mom phoned me and said she was coming over this last weekend because it was a long weekend and we were going to talk about university and her will and I got nervous but excited because she was actually going to come. And she came on Friday and said she'd be staying with my cousin but she came to our house first. She really looked a lot different, I mean she looked so much skinnier than before and she had her hair dyed jet black with green streaks in it. And then she was wearing all these fancy and expensive clothes that she never wore before like she was wearing a Versace dress and promised to get me one too. She also got a tattoo on her wrist with my name and showed me it and the design was beautiful but it was so weird seeing her looking so different. She said she'd leave on Monday and that gave us an entire weekend together. She took me and my boyfriend out for dinner and then we even watched the new Fast and Furious movie and she didn't even make those jokes about us getting married. And I stayed over at my cousin's that night and we did cuddle and get up late and make breakfast together and we had a lot of fun. We spent that day together as well and then had dinner at a really nice place in Burnaby with my cousin and her fiance. And then on Sunday we finally had the talk. She and my dad and my dad's wife sat me down and first they talked about the will. My mom said she's leaving me most of the things she has with my cousin getting the rest and my dad said pretty much the same. I don't want to go into specifics but they kept talking about it down to the details like my great grandmother's necklaces and what to do when I inherit their houses and life insurance and stuff even though I really didn't want to. It felt so morbid thinking about them being dead and they wouldn't stop, they both said I'm going to university, I'm 17 and I need to know this and it just made my mood so sour. And then I told my mom the universities that I got into and she was so happy that I got into so many. And then she said that as much as she wants me to come to UVic, she's proud of me either way and would be perfectly fine with me staying and going to UBC. But then I told her that my boyfriend was going to McMaster and I wanted to go so we could be together. Her face got really disappointed then and she said that's not the right reason to choose moving all the way to Hamilton for and she can't support my decision if it's not for myself and my education. She said if I'm serious about going to an east coast university then every other one on my list is just as good. That started another argument between us because I got really mad and asked what's the problem and she asked if I'm going to study or to support my boyfriend. Then she went on about sex and what if I got pregnant and I yelled at her that she should be happy since it's like she keeps talking about me getting married and having kids. She didn't yell back at me and just said that she was always joking about that and won't make those jokes again. But then I said that she and dad were both eighteen when they got married and then had me and she started talking about how hard that made university for her and how it led her to repress who she was for so long and how she wants me to focus on my future. Then when I said I wanted to have my future with him she said she's going to talk to his mother about this and I should get ready to break up with him if he can't go long distance because it's the best thing for me. And I started crying because I don't want to break up with him and I didn't want to because as soon as I did I could see her get really, really mad like she wanted to scream at me but all she said was that she's extremely disappointed in me and that she can't be here. She left and she went to my cousin's house and that just made me cry more and I fell asleep hugging my dad. On Monday, my mom, my dad and my dad's wife met with my boyfriend's mom and we weren't allowed to be there. I don't know what they talked about but they did agree that we shouldn't go to McMaster together even though I know they wouldn't have said that if we both chose UBC. My boyfriend's mad too but he said that he's still going to McMaster no matter what his mom says. Before my mom left she told me she knows I'm mad at her but one day I'll know that she was just looking out for me and to choose any other university on my list and she'll pay for it right away. It just makes no sense. I really want this and they're all agreeing with her that I shouldn't. I talked to my cousin and she said my mom has a point. I told my uncle and he said that I need to look at it like would my boyfriend go to Guelph for me even though that's not the point. Even my counselor said that my mom was right and that just because we've been having issues and that she's been on the wrong side of things doesn't means she's always wrong. I don't know what else to write I'm just feeling really pissed off. [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13wst71/oops_mother_comes_out_of_the_closet_and_tries_to/) \- May 31st, 2023 [Update 9](https://www.reddit.com/user/VanBabyPony2/comments/14w5j20/update_9/) \- July 10th, 2023 Hey everyone, it's been a while since I posted but my parents didn't let me online until now. But I'm graduated now, prom went by and it was great. Then there was the convocation ceremony and I did amazing on my final exams. I did decide that I'd go to UBC. I still wish I could be going to McMaster but most of my friends are going to UBC or Langara or UVic so I won't be completely alone. My mom was happy when I told her, she did say she wished I'd have chosen UVic but that UBC is one of the best schools. Before convocation, we got into another argument. My friend Sara is from Egypt and now that high school is over, she's going there in August to get married. I know she's young but she's known this guy since they were kids and they were dating there before she moved over. She's invited all of us to the wedding and her grandparents are super rich there and said they'd get us rooms at the best hotel. Except once again everyone said I couldn't go. My mom said that she doesn't want me to go to a country where people are persecuted for being gay or trans but I googled it and being gay isn't illegal there. My dad said the same thing about it. My uncle is gay and has been to Egypt and told me that foreigners aren't bothered about such things. He said that if I really want to go to Egypt, then next year he'll arrange for the family vacation to go there since it's one of my cousin/his son's dream vacations and I can come. But I want to go with my friends and see Sara's wedding because apparently it's going to be like a princess' wedding out of a movie. Convocation was the best night of my life, everything about it was just perfect and my favourite part was when they announced the scholarships that we got and I got so many and my mom and dad both looked so proud of me. Then all us grads went to a party on a farm that a classmate was hosting and it was so great there. My boyfriend and I had the best time but in the morning, we did break up and decide to stay friends because he doesn't want to do long distance and thinks dragging it out over summer would just be too painful. And I don't know, I just felt so wrong the day after that I did something really stupid and it kind of made a mess of everything. The house became a real crowd after that. Like my uncle came over, his son, his son's wife and their daughter, my step-grandparents, my cousin and they all stayed over for like a week. I wasn't allowed out of my room and somebody had to be there with me at all times. It was really weird. None of my friends came over to check on me either because my mom had my cousin text them to keep them away. Except my friend Vanessa who I only met at a party in November came over anyway. She stayed overnight with me and even cried when I admitted what I did and told me she thinks of me as one of her best friends. It was Vanessa's first time meeting my parents and that went really well. My mom's wife really liked her when she found out she wanted to work in politics after graduation. My mom was really weird during that entire time though because I heard her arguing with my uncle a lot but neither of them left the house. Somebody would stay with me in the morning and then after her remote work finished, she'd come to me but even when she was working, she'd peek in every fifteen minutes. What was really weird was that she didn't cry in front of me at all and kept telling me to not cry and would leave if I did but I know I heard her crying in the washroom. I don't know what issue she has with me crying and it's really making me feel so fucking down every time I think about it. As for everyone else, my uncle made me promise never to do something stupid like that again. He told me that he knows I have actual grandparents now but that he'll always see me just like he does his actual granddaughter. My step-grandparents were so nice too and even brought my car over from Victoria because they thought it could cheer me up. My baby niece obviously had no idea what was going on but it was really nice to be around her. It was also the first time in forever that my mom's wife and I actually got to spend some time alone together and that was nice. It was funny talking to her about when she was in high school because she sounds like the exact opposite of who she is now. She also said sorry to me about my mom only telling my cousin when they started dating and waiting until they were moving in to tell me. She told me that my mom wanted to tell me earlier but she asked her not to until she knew for sure that my mom was the one and by then, they were moving. That did make me cry but hearing her say sorry did also make feel better for some reason. My mom and her wife went back to Victoria but my mom's come back three times already and even came with me and my dad to see my psychiatrist and she's been texting me and FaceTiming me a lot more. Every time she sees me now she's been hugging me a lot more, calling me by a lot of baby nicknames, some that I even forgot about. She also said it was all right for me to go to Egypt if I really wanted to. I know that the stupid thing I did got her worried and all but it feels so odd that that's what it took for her to snap back to being like she was and I don't know if it's real or not. I guess I'm posting here again because I've honestly missed being able to talk to people here and get advice from you guys. So, if you've got any, I'd love to hear it.

OOP's mother comes out of the closet and tries to stop her trip to Egypt after abandoning her

NEW UPDATE

BlujjonBudgie

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159b8pp/oops_mother_comes_out_of_the_closet_and_tries_to/

159cw9g

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/AncientMesopotamia **in** r/AmItheAsshole mood spoilers: >!happy!<   [**AITA for telling my poor friend that he's actually the privileged one now?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/151zww6/aita_for_telling_my_poor_friend_that_hes_actually/) \- July 17, 2023 One of my very close friends Nathan (29M) and I (28M) met during our first post-college job at a prestigious finance firm, and we immediately bonded over the long work hours, shitty middle management, and general soul-sucking nature of making PowerPoint slides and Excel sheets all day. For the next few years, a lot of our friendship revolved around us talking about work and how much we hated it. A few years ago, I decided that I just couldn't take the corporate grind anymore, and I quit my job to move into the nonprofit world. While I now certainly make less than I would have at my old job, I'm exponentially happier, healthier, and absolutely love the work that I do. I also still make a very good salary ($80K/year) which I feel is more than enough money for me and my needs. Nathan has been ambitiously climbing the corporate ladder, and recently became a VP at his firm. He makes well over $300K a year. Nathan grew up in a very poor family, and his relatives are still financially unstable and often ask him for money. I, on the other hand, grew up in a comfortable upper-middle class suburb with parents who have always been financially stable. They're not millionaires, but if anything ever happened to me, they could (and would!) help me until I could get back on my feet. Nathan does not have that privilege. I recently got offered my dream job, where I would be making slightly less money than I am now ($75K/year). Despite the money, I am genuinely giddy about this job prospect, and was pumped to tell my friends. However, when I told Nathan, his response was "I'm glad you have the financial privilege to take a pay cut." Not "wow AncientMesopotamia, I know you've been really wanting this job for months now and have told me all about how excited you are about it, congratulations!!!!" or anything along those lines. I'll admit that I snapped back at him and told him that he makes triple the amount of money I do, and that at some point he needs to realize he's now got privileges of his own instead of pointing out mine. The conversation got a bit heated, and we agreed to hang up and cool off before talking it over later. Now I'm wondering if I should apologize to Nathan for what I said, or if I should stand my ground. I'm feeling angry and a bit defensive, which I realize is exactly the reaction that a spoiled rich kid would have. However, I also do think it was a bit mean of him to say that at that exact moment when I was so excited. And while generational wealth does give privileges that income alone does not, he literally does make over triple the amount of money that I now make, so it seems a tiny bit hypocritical for him to be calling me privileged. Also, as a final note, while my parents certainly are well off, they do not support me financially in any way, and have not since I graduated from college 7 years ago. So, I leave the judgement to you all - AITA? ***OOP is voted NTA***   **Updated in the original post** EDIT - Woah, this really blew up in a way I wasn't expecting. I've spent hours reading as many comments as I can, and I thank each of you for your perspectives - I have really learned a lot about privilege and what it's like to grow up poor from some of your stories. While it is nice of many of you to say that I'm not the asshole, I do think I approached Nathan's situation with a lot of ignorance and potential assholery. u/Equivalent_Joke_9617 said it best:"I don’t think it matters who’s ‘more right’ here. What matters is whether Nathan has been a good friend and one that’s worth keeping. If the answer is yes, a heart-to-heart talk should sort this out.Genuine adult friendships are hard to come by. Don’t let a misunderstanding ruin it!" Nathan's been my buddy for years, through thick and thin, and so I called him back up to apologize. I mentioned that I really didn't know what his experience had been like, and that I was so proud of him for all he's accomplished, and that I just felt a little hurt and unsupported when he called out my privilege from the get-go instead of being happy for me. It felt like he was minimizing my success, but it turns out he's just been having a tough time at work and didn't respond in the best way to my job news. He apologized too and we had a really nice conversation. I think that since we started our careers at the same place and time that it's easy for us to compare ourselves, and we're both guilty of the competitive comparison game with each other. Anyway, it's all good now and I think we've opened up a good dialogue where I can learn more about my buddy's past and what it's been like for him, and try and support him with some of the mental struggles of coming from poverty. Listen to u/Equivalent_Joke_9617 and have heart-to-hearts with your friends and learn from your mistakes! Also Nathan and I will be going to a baseball game next week and he offered to buy the tickets because he's "loaded" and I'm a "non-profit schlub" (both his words, both said with love).   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling my poor friend that he's actually the privileged one now?

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Lisascape

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159cw9g/aita_for_telling_my_poor_friend_that_hes_actually/

159hsdx

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/TheKing-is-back **Is my wife letting a stranger drink her breast milk weird?** **Originally posted to** r/Marriage **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sexual harassment, sexual intimidation, talk of physical and sexual assualt!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/143plab/is_my_wife_letting_a_stranger_drink_her_breast/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 7, 2023** Would you find this situation weird? Not sure how to feel about this scenario. I’m not mad about it, but just curious on how other men would feel about it. Also open to hear women’s opinion on this scenario. My wife and I have a son and she is breast feeding still. She had a three day course over the weekend to expand her knowledge in her profession. The course was a small course including her, four other students and a professor. All others were 50+ in age and the professor was 60+. Anyways, to keep her milk supply from decreasing, she brought her breast pump and actively pumped breast milk before, during and after the course. The weird part of this: on the last day of the course, the professor asked my wife if she could pour some of her pumped breast milk into his coffee. She agreed and proceeded to pour breast milk from a pumped bottle into his coffee. Apparently he drank it and enjoyed it. When she finished the course she told me the story. I mean, It’s her breast milk and she can do what she wants with it, but I still feel kinda weird about it all. EDIT: Thank you everyone for your responses and opinions. They have added a lot of perspective to my outlook. My goal is to have a discussion with her. When she first brought this up to me, it was more in passing. We are dealing with a sick child so we are exhausted and sleep deprived, so I was more so caught off guard. I plan on setting up a full discussion and will update this post with new details and how it goes. **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >My wife is indifferent, and explained that the professor was kinda a weird and quirky dude to begin with, so she didn’t really think much of it. >I’m not shocked my wife didn’t say no though. She is a people pleaser and is sometimes too nice to her own fault. >It’s just kinda weird knowing that the fluid that is being created to feed our infant son ended up being poured into an older gentlemen’s coffee for his unique pleasures * >My plan is to have another discussion with her and highlight this point - I need her to understand and recognize that there has to be firm and strong boundaries put in place. If not, I fear that one day she will be taken advantage of, which will result in some form of infidelity that she will try to defend as harmless * >Hey there. I’ll provide more context. She uses a double pump. She cut the nipples out of a sports bra and had it hidden under her shirt and attached to the bra discreetly. The pump is not super loud but it does have a low decibel ambience. It sounds like a very soft rumble in the background - I wouldn’t consider it disrupting. My wife did mention to me that the professor during the early days commented on the low rumble it was making. Maybe the professor did find it disturbing? I am not sure. >I also want to clear up something else. My wife was not dumping the milk but brought milk bags and a small cooler and ice packs. She was pouring the milk into bags and freezing them. So she also had a cooler with her which probably was questioned at some point. >It was a small class so if the professor had decent hearing abilities, I wouldn’t be shocked if he heard the low rumble of the pump and questioned or asked what was going on [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/145apph/a_stranger_drank_my_wifes_breast_milk_part_2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **June 9, 2023** I had a long and in-depth discussion with my wife about what occurred, and some of the new details that emerged are shocking. The following is the full story of what occurred. As prior readers are aware, my wife was on a three day course to boost her education in her profession. The instructor is a male in his 60s who is not married and has no family. As readers are aware, my wife was pumping in class to preserve her breast milk supply. She had brought a cooler with her and was placing her pumped milk in bags and freezing them for storage with ice packs. She is very pro breast feeding. I am aware and realize that a student pumping in class is not a daily occurrence but I never had an issue with this as it was a sacrifice for our infant son. On the second day of the course, the instructor made a comment about her breast milk. My wife was talking to someone else an only partly heard it and nodded and faintly laughed (as we all have done to try and be polite). After this exchange, two classmates approached her and asked her if she was okay, as the class mates found the comment inappropriate. She brushed it off and didn’t make anything of it. On the final day of the course, the big event in question occurred. There was a study room and a coffee room. The instructor called my wife into the coffee room out of the blue - she was surprised. She entered the room and it was just the two of them. On the table were two cups - one with coffee and one empty one. He asked my wife where the stored breast milk was and to pour some into his glass. Unfortunately she agreed and got the milk from the fridge and poured some in. The instructor said “my coffee is still black, I want more”. She poured more in. During the whole interaction my wife reports being uncomfortable, weirded out, and wanted it all to end - so she abided by his requests. The instructor then asked her to pour some into the empty glass so she could drink her own breast milk with him. She said no. He tried persuading her by saying it’s her own substance, and she should be drinking it. She declined. He drank the coffee. Everything happened so quick, but my wife felt regret several minutes later and realized this may not have been an innocuous request. Her class mates once again checked in on her and she brushed it off. Later that day, another event occurred that I was unaware of. When she was putting her breast pump away, some milk spilled onto her desk. She didn’t clean it up. She went to go put stuff into her backpack. The instructor came to her desk, scooped the spilled milk off the desk into his opposite hand, and licked his hands in front of the whole class. Once again, class mates witnessed this and approached my wife. I am disgusted at the instructors actions and in shock. I view this as harassment and abuse. My wife, does agree and was weirded out and uncomfortable. A part of her wants to believe he was just a curious man and not malicious. When I asked her why she didn’t just say no, she explained she felt pressured, and also instructor/student pressures were in play. She respected him as an instructor as he is a good teacher so she didn’t want conflict. She also believed he may just be a curios person. She claims she never felt any physical threat. Also, we had watched a documentary several months ago normalizing breast milk - she admits this Influenced her. Personally, I would like to report this to a lawyer or her professional association. She does not want to do so. She wants everything to disappear and for it to be buried. She works in a small field and she knows everyone will find out and is worried about her reputation. The instructor has power in the field and she is worried about repercussions. I want to respect her decision but I also don’t agree with it - I’m worried the instructor will assault another female (or has already). At this point, she has decided to forget about it and move on as if it never happened. We had a very in depth discussion about boundaries moving forward and what is and not acceptable. We also talked about decision making while keeping each other in mind - and to say no when we are unsure or not comfortable. So there it is. That is the full story. It has been an uneasy couple of days. I don’t fully know what to do. Things just feel weird. EDIT: I need to make something clear (with being vague at the same time) without breaching my wife’s or I’s confidentiality. These details may add some context. My wife’s profession is Unregulated. There is no college or university. The instructor basically created content and was holding a course that anyone in her field could enroll in and get certified to use. It’s his course so there is no hierarchy in that specific course. It is not offered by a school or college or university. My wife’s profession does have an association but apparently this man was kicked out of it (for failure to agree with certain professional conduct - it wasn’t sexually related). Therefore, she can’t even report it to the association. I am not sure how he is able to offer this course while not being apart of the association. Also, I want to make clear that my wife was sexually/physically assaulted when she was 19. As bad as this was, anything less then this to her (she calls it a 10/10) is not an issue. In her mind, she has already endured the worst of the worst. For context, she called this situation a 3/10. **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >We know a lawyer and she has requested I do not contact her. I want to contact her badly (the lawyer) for guidance, but I also want to honour my wife’s request to keep it hush hush. >I want to be the “knight in shining armour”. But I understand boundaries. I don’t want to do things behind her back. >I’m so torn. * >I don’t agree with this. We all have curious thoughts. It doesn’t make it right to act on them and corner innocent people for our own pleasure and gratification. >A women in a short skirt in public should not have men running towards her and groping her - it’s just fucked up and not right. We need to be better as a society. * >I agree. I added the part about her past for context. I think she views this differently because of her past and the horrible sexual and physical assault she endured. >Every harassment and assault she now goes through will forever be compared to that. She even told me “well, he didn’t make any physical advances or touching”. But I think you’re right - she is hardened by her past. >I have never been through sexual or physical trauma so I honestly cannot relate with her on that accord. * ##**THE OOP HAS UPDATED IN THE BORU THREAD** * [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159hsdx/is_my_wife_letting_a_stranger_drink_her_breast/ju075os?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Hey everyone. I’m the OOP. Just to provide a quick update. Unless this comment gets buried at the bottom. I could write a part three, but I’m lazy and not sure people want to keep hearing from me. There was a very unfortunate development from this. After our discussion, everything was great. It wasn’t talked about at all. It was water under the bridge. I accepted her wishes to not pursue legal advice or call the police. She respected our discussion. One very key point in our discussion was that she would not take this man’s courses anymore. She agreed. About three weeks ago she approaches me to enroll in one of his August courses. I was so caught off guard. And the worst part - she wanted to PUMP in his class AGAIN! to make it all worse, we actually got into an argument and she made me feel evil. I still haven’t recovered fully from that. I had fully moved on from the topic and then she resurrected it in that fashion. I feel like I don’t even know her - maybe there is more to the story I don’t know? I am certain he would re offend if she took that course. He even messaged her and invited her to take the course. But, as I’ve said before, she can be very oblivious and only see the good in people. Anyways. I told her she can take the course but for the love of god do not pump milk. She eventually said she’s not taking the course. So that’s where we are at now * **Marking as concluded since OOP's wife is no longer taking the class and she refuses to seek legal recourse** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Is my wife letting a stranger drink her breast milk weird?

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159hsdx/is_my_wife_letting_a_stranger_drink_her_breast/

159jtof

Originally posted by u/significant_west2369 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 14, '23 updated on May 5, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Financial/emotional abuse, bordering on physical abuse!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12mfxg7/aita_for_leaving_my_brother_without_childcare/)** April 14, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for leaving my brother without childcare over a heater** Forgive my bad grammer, English is not my first language. Some backstory: I live with my 35 year old brother and his wife and 4 kids (3 girls 1 boy and all 4 and under). I am basically a live-in Nanny for them and I live in their house rent free because I don't have a job. Both my brother and his wife work. When they first got pregnant, they asked me to move in with them with the promise that they would pay me for child care. Well that only lasted a month and they proceeded to have 3 more kids in the process. I never complained cause I do live in their house rent free and I know he really needed the help. Well they recently came into money trouble and they now owe an insane amount of money. They have both been working extra hours to make up what they owe. On to what happened: it's been really cold lately and because of that the house has been really cold. To turn on the heaters is a process and I don't know how to do it so my brother has been turning them all on except for my room. My room is now the coldest in the house. I can't sleep at night even with all the thickest blankets. I get pain when I am cold so I'm up all night in pain. I have been exhausted watching 4 kids by myself all day. I have been asking my brother to turn my heater on but he keeps saying he'll get to it. Well a week ago he told me that he was never turning my on cause he needs to keep the bills down. I asked him if I just have it on at night and turn the ones in the main room off during the night. He said no that it's his house and he'll do whatever pleases in his house and I don't get a say cause I don't help financially. I didn't say anything to him right away. I just texted my mom and asked she could pick me up. After she said she could, I told him that my mom was coming and I'll see if someone can come pick up my stuff soon. He asked me what I meant and I only told him that he needs to find someone else to watch his kids. Either get a nanny or one of them quits because I am not doing it anymore. He told me that I was being dramatic and that he'll give me time to calmed down. I said I didn't need time and he told me to think of the kids and how they're super attached to me. I said I'll still see them with a parent present because I don't plan on babysitting. At this point his wife is trying to diffuse the situation and my mom showed up and I asked if it was okay for me to move back in with her and she agreed and said she'll have my step-dad come pick my stuff up tomorrow. My brother has been blowing up my phone and he told our dad so now he's blowing up my phone too. My dad texted me asking how I could abandon them knowing they're struggling. I feel bad cause I did abandon them but I couldn't do it anymore. So aita? &nbsp; *In the comments:* I have rheumatoid arthritis and it flairs up when I'm cold. My brother knew this because he was there when I was diagnosed at 16. He always seemed like he cared, and I realize now he didn't care. I had a job that I quit to help my brother, and I never got another one because I never had time as I was always with his kids. I plan on it now that I live with my mom. It was only ever supposed to be temporary, considering I was 18 when I moved in with them. I realize now it was never temporary for them. I am getting a job now that I live with my mom. I didn't know it was possible to abuse someone financially. I don't really know what that means. I felt bad at the time cause I knew he was struggling, and I was thinking if I was living here for free, I could at least help out. Didn't realize it was abuse till now. My brother always bought the things I needed. He would also buy me gifts if I got upset about having to watch the kids when I wanted to go somewhere with my friends. This is another reason I felt guilty about leaving. I did a majority of the housework, including everyone's laundry. I also made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for everyone. *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Significant_West2369/comments/138yhfz/update_on_leaving_my_brother/)** May 5, '23 - 3 weeks later &nbsp; **Update on leaving my brother** I never expected this to blow up like this and I'd like to thank you for all the kind words and resources you gave. On to some good news: I got a job pretty quickly after leaving my brother's house. A friend, who I lost contact with after moving in with my brother, is looking for a roommate and asked me if I'd like to be his roommate. I started getting back into my old hobbies and forgot how much I used to enjoy listening to music that wasn't for kids. I found a small artist I enjoy (MazeontheBeat on Spotify if anyone is curious). It feels good to listen to whatever I want without having to worry about the kids will hear. I started hanging out with my friends again and just living life. On to what happened with my brother: he showed up at my mom's house at 7am the day after I left, demanding I watch his kids because it was my responsibility and I owed him for the years he let me stay with him. Thanks to some of you I realized that I owed him nothing and told him such. My mom (who is not his mom btw) threatened to call the cops if he didn't leave. Which caused him to get angrier but he eventually left. The friend, who I mentioned above, offered his home after realizing the lengths my brother might be willing to go. We agreed on rent 50/50 even though he offered to let me stay for free. I told him I don't feel comfortable cause I don't want to find myself in a similar situation. He assured me that he would never put me in that situation but understood my point. While I know some people are telling me to sue him for money that he owes me, I won't be doing that for the sake of his kids. They're good kids and they're innocent in this. I have blocked my brother, SIL, and my dad and took some advice from some of you and told my dad that if he feels so bad he can stay in the unheated room. Well that's how it's going for me right now. Nothing really interesting to tell. I'm safe and happy in a house where my brother won't find me. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for leaving my brother without childcare over a heater

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KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159jtof/aita_for_leaving_my_brother_without_childcare/

159n5m1

**I am NOT the Original Poster.** That is u/Morrighan1129, who posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Fun Fact to Hide Spoilers:** You may be familiar with Wally “Famous” Amos, thanks to his packaged chocolate chip cookies, Famous Amos Cookies, or his appearance on The Office. But before he worked his magic on the sweet treats, he was in the business of making people famous, Biography reports. He discovered and signed folk duo Simon & Garfunkel, and was a talent rep for acts like Diana Ross, Sam Cooke, and Marvin Gaye. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Satisfyingly simple resolution!< [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/n6nuv3/exs_girlfriend_expects_me_to_take_her_kids_for_a/) **- May 6, 2021** So some background info that is relevant. My 'ex' is not actually my ex -we've been separated for 9 years now, but we've never actually signed papers for numerous reasons (financial being the biggest one); we've co-parented our son well for those years, and for the past eight years, we've included my boyfriend in the process. We've been doing quite well at this, and the three of us have established a pretty good relationship. Two years ago, however, my ex got a new girlfriend. Her and I don't get along, mainly on her part -and no, I don't just say this because it's 'my side'. I've always encouraged my son to respect her, and try to get along with her, but he can't stand her, or her two daughters. I don't mind her youngest -she's hyper, and bounces off the wall, but she's eight -it's to be expected. The oldest one -11, the same age as my son - however, is a... well, she's a bitch. She actively ridicules and belittles her little sister, my son, and my daughter (6). She's rude to me, my ex-in-laws, and even my ex. This girl is absolutely out of control. Background out of the way, last weekend was my son's weekend at his father's. However, my ex and his girlfriend had been invited to an adult party. My ex and I were discussing it when he dropped my son off on Wednesday, and he mentioned that it might be easier if we switched weekends around, but he wasn't sure if he could find a babysitter for the two girls, so we had to wait and see. I was fine with that, and told him to just keep me informed. Later that night, his girlfriend sent me a message, saying that since I was taking my son for the weekend (question mark number one?), I could just take the two girls and keep them for the weekend too. Before I could even respond to this, she added that she would send them over clothes and some money so we could get pizza. I told her that I wouldn't be taking her girls; that I wasn't 'taking' my son for the weekend, that he lives with me, and his father and I were just switching weekends around. And I certainly wasn't taking her children for the weekend. She sent a message back, saying that it was very rude of me to not take her girls, since she took my son every other weekend. Before I could respond (again) she sent another message saying she'd send over fifteen dollars for pizza. I told her that she didn't 'take my son' on the weekends, that my son spent the weekends with his father, and reiterated again that I wouldn't be taking her girls. She responded asking what I was doing that I couldn't take the girls. I told her we weren't doing anything; we were just going to have a nice relaxing weekend. She asked why I would 'ruin' her and my ex's weekend by not taking the girls. By this point I was annoyed, and told her that I didn't like her oldest daughter, and she was a brat, and she wasn't allowed in my home outside of emergency situations. She responded by saying that I was an awful person, a terrible mother, and I didn't deserve children since I clearly didn't understand parents who just need a break. I ended up blocking her. But like... damn. **Edit:** Wow, firstly, thank you for all the awards! I was just griping about my ex's girlfriend lol, didn't expect all this. Secondly, while I've tried to respond to a lot of you, as a few general points... I don't know where the girls' bio dad is; ex's girlfriend is from the west coast, we live on the east coast, and I've never felt it my place to ask. She doesn't end up raising my son on the weekends; my ex knows our son isn't a fan, so they typically go fishing, camping, or hiking. My ex loves our son, and spends as much time with him as possible. No, I did not call the 11 year old a bitch to her face, or to her mother's face. I told her mother she was a brat, yes. If that makes me a terrible person, well, so be it. I have screenshot the pictures of our convo, and I plan on talking to my ex when he picks our son up on Wednesday; I currently haven't heard from either of them, so I guess we'll see if she tries to drop them off tonight at 6 lol. **EDIT #2.** So I just got off the phone with my ex, who called to ask when I'd agreed to take the kids, since last he knew, that wasn't happening. I sent him screenshots of the conversation, explained that I had never agreed to take either girl, and told him I was quite clear with her on that. He said he was sorry, and he'd handle it, and that I'd see him on Wednesday when he picks our son up. [**Update Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/nbx1di/update_exs_girlfriend_expects_me_to_take_her_kids/) **- May 13, 2021** I edited the original post to add what had happened, but apparently not a lot of people saw it since I'm still getting messages and comments asking for an update. The night in question (when she had wanted to drop her kids off), my ex called me at 5PM (an hour before what the usual pick-up/drop-off time for my son is). He asked if I'd agreed to take the two girls, since he knew I wasn't overly fond of having them over, but GF had said yes. I told him that I quite clearly told her no, in no uncertain terms, and told him to check his email, and that I'd emailed him screenshots of the convo after it happened. He sounded upset, and told me he apologized, and he'd discuss it with her, and see our son next weekend. He picked our son up yesterday for a few hours, and apologized again, and told GF that she was not allowed to contact me unless it was an emergency situation, and she was never to ask me to babysit again. I told him I understood, it wasn't anything on him, and left it at that. **Reminder: I am not OOP, and please do not brigade OOP.**

Ex's girlfriend expects me to take her kids for a weekend

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thisjustmyopinion

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159n5m1/exs_girlfriend_expects_me_to_take_her_kids_for_a/

159p4k8

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Continuing with bat facts, there are more that 1,400 species of bats worldwide. Additionally, not every species hibernates. CW: None Mood Spoiler: >!Slightly satisfying, but there is no resolution to the bigger issue.!< *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/TinaLoco *I have edited the posts slightly for readability.* [**Closed my blinds to eliminate view**](https://web.archive.org/web/20210704005827/https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/oda5e2/closed_my_blinds_to_eliminate_view/)**-Recovered on the web archive (Originally Posted July 3rd, 2021)** I work in an office where the offices are arranged in quads. In my department there are four offices that form an L shape, one of which is mine. The department secretary’s work station is centrally located inside of the L. Something like this - L\*. The secretary faces me. My office has an interior window and an exterior window. We’re on the first floor and the secretary very much enjoys looking through my windows to the outside. Most of the employees were working from home since the shutdown, including me. The firm decided that we should all return to the office June 1st, but left the final decision up to each department head. My boss asked our opinions. I stated that I would like a hybrid schedule. He didn’t like that, but he was willing to compromise to one day a week from home through Labor Day. The next thing I know, it’s shortened to only through July 30th. When I asked why, he told me that the secretary has been complaining endlessly how it’s not fair that everybody gets to work from home, but she has to be there every day (Her job is not conducive to WFH) and he just can’t take it any more, so he had to appease her. So she basically ruined what was a good thing for me because of her petty jealousy. That day I drew and closed the blinds to my interior window and they will remain closed forever. No more view for her. [**Update to my petty revenge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/wagjlk/update_to_my_petty_revenge/) **(July 28th, 2022)** This is an update to a post from one year ago. In addition to having my blinds closed, I keep my office door mostly closed. It’s usually ajar only a few inches. Today the secretary had an opportunity to mention that I should keep my door open more often. I replied that I prefer it closed as I’d adjusted to being isolated and felt uncomfortably exposed with it open. Her response to that was she previously liked where her desk was located because she could see the outside world, but now it’s like she’s working in a dark hallway. (In other words, I should ignore my own needs to make her happy) My response to that was “Working from home was the best work-related thing that I ever experienced, both personally and as far as productivity is concerned. If they’re going to force me to work in the office full time I need to do it in a physical environment that works for me.” That ended the conversation. She now knows without a doubt that her own pettiness turned on her and bit her in the behind *Marked As Ongoing As We May Get An Update At Some Point Due To OOP's Account Being Relatively Active*

OP Closes Her Blinds As A Small Act Of Revenge

ONGOING

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159p4k8/op_closes_her_blinds_as_a_small_act_of_revenge/

159s570

Fun Fact To Cover Spoiler: I know that this is about another type of cake eater, but here is a cake fact. There is an old superstition that if an unmarried person put fruitcake under their pillow, they will dream about their "one true love" who they will marry one day. CW:>! Cheating!< Mood Spoilers: >!OP Gets What Is Coming To Him!< *Needed Context: I am not the OOP that would be* u/Miserable_Ad_7975 *These posts were originally posted on* r/adultery *and* r/Cakeeater*. Cakeeater in this context is a sub for those who are in happy relationships who still decide to cheat on their spouse. This has been posted on this sub before by* u/unaikelt [**Calm before the storm**](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/ms0s4r/calm_before_the_storm/) **(Originally Posted April 16th, 2021 on** r/adultery) Tried posting a few days ago but could not find post. Must be lost in cyberspace. Don´t even know if this is the right forum at the moment. In gist: Affair partner got served divorce papers out of nowhere two days ago at work. Her husband knows of us/me. It´s only a matter of time before my wife finds out. Don´t know if i have days or hours before the world as i know it is gone. Took some time off work to spend time with my wife and two daughers. My body is in turmoil but strangly my mind is clear. It reminds me of the days leading up to my dad passing away. Time has slowed down and I am aware of all the things surrounding me. It´s a nice feeling. My day today was filled with observation of details and appreciation. My wifes smell and the clothes she wore, my daughters laughter, the color of the kitchen tiles, the dog, the yard. Feel blessed to have a healthy and beautiful family. What will my daughters think of me? I look at my wife that i love with all my heart and I see a woman who stood by me no matter what. We had our fair share of ups and downs like most couples but i never imagined a life without her. How do I justify a six year affair? Is that even forgivable? I don´t know what the future holds. All i know is that the storm is coming and i am here basking in the sun until the clouds come rolling in. I plan to confess over the weekend. Even if I know the outcome I pray she does not leave me. This was so fucking not worth it. Any suggestions on how to confess? How do you start? W What do i tell my daugheters? I have already made an appointment with a therapist. What else can I do? Wish me luck! Edit: Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. Some of them were hard to read. I dont have time to address all comments but will reply to few to clear some things. Yesterday I reached out to my brother for advice. He left his wife some years ago and married his affair partner. He seemed happy with her. The grass is not greener for him after all and he is planning on leaving her but is stuck at the moment. His advice is to not tell my wife and to minimize if confronted. He also said I should let down AP gently so she does not go nuclear on my wife and family. I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. **Relevant Comments** >Not trying to be mean or anything but you never imagined life without her? You had a six year affair and you love your wife with all your heart? It sounds like you are really confused. Maybe she will stick by you with counseling. OOP: I am not confused. Never was. I don´t have a problem separating love from sex. My heart is loyal to my woman and she is it for me. &#x200B; >You have a lot to sort through, but you are taking the right direction to line up some IC for yourself. Be ready to move out (if you are kicked out) after the “storm”. 6 years is a long affair by any measure. If it wasn’t worth it, what was AP to you? Someone you could also toy around with along with your wife? (For the record, this is the classic definition of throwing someone under the bus to save yourself. Maybe start by owning up to what you’ve done?) If you think the AP’s BS will reach out to your wife and tell her everything he discovered, I would suggest you start telling the truth. I am not a BS but it seems that trickle truthing hurts way more, over time. Whether your long term affair is forgiveable or not is no longer in your control. OOP: So many responses about how I dont value my affair partner. Well, since I am on a pour my heart out roll here let me tell you about my affair partner. She is a gorgeous and a smart woman who is funny and open to different experiences. She is younger than my self and my wife. Fit. Seductive. Sexy as fuck. But she is not my wife and does not even compare. Six years on/off is a long time to invest. As I see it, she is an adult woman who made decisions to cheat with a married man on her husband for whatever reasons. Do I care for her? Yes, six years is a long time. Do I love her? No. Did I say to her I loved her? Yes, of course I did but I lied just as I lied to my wife. Did I use her? Yes, I did. Did she use me? Of course she fucking did. We both knew we were played with fire. &#x200B; >You are selfish as fuck. 6 year affair and it was only not worth it because you and AP were caught. Not only do you not deserve your wife but you do not deserve your AP OOP: Yes, I am very much aware of that. I don´t deserve my wife that is for sure. The AP, don´t mean to be rude but don´t want her. (OOP In A Second Comment On This Thread): OK, that was a terrible thing to say... What I mean is that I don´t intend to be with my affair partner. &#x200B; >"I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide. D-days are hell on earth." And if there is any way to avoid THIS\^, do it. Confession is NOT good for the soul. And unless the AP's SO decides to be a bunny broiler you may not be exposed, so no point. A better idea is to just stop with the AP, even though I know she NEEDS support, it cannot be you unless you want to exit your marriage. Follow that up with some counseling to figure out how to fix yourself and possibly some MC to have a 3rd party help you guide the SO to getting fixed if you have a DB situation. The MC shouldn't have to uncover you, unless it has already happened. In short, start making a plan for if you get exposed. Make it a good solid plan and be ready to use it. OOP: Thank you for this advice. I am leaning towards not telling after talking to my brother yesterday but I have not yet decided. &#x200B; *In Response To A Now Deleted Comment* OOP: The reason i strayed has nothing to do with my wife. We have a good sex life in general but I do have some kinks that she is not into at all. My affair partner was into the same kinks. That´s how we met and that is why the affair was ongoing for six years. What lead me to starting the affair was my wife being in an accidant that took a toll on her body. Sex was off the table for over a year. I gave in to temptation and when i discovered the affair partner shared my kink I was hooked. So all you people saying my wife was withholding sex and intimacy. No. My wife and I are very intimate. Having sex with my wife is making love. Sex with affair partner is just sex. My wife meets 90% of all my needs. My affair partner meets 10 %. &#x200B; >This wouldn't have happened if your wife was intimate on a regular basis I assume that she was affectionate and her desire for intimacy and sex was zero. Don't feel bad about yourself you will get past this and start a new life with you lover now she is getting a divorce also. OOP: Nope! Not true at all. And I don´t want to start a new life with my affair partner. Best of luck to her and all but she is not the gal for me longterm. &#x200B; >For a bunch of cheaters you guys are judgmental AF! Of course now that shit hit the fan he realized that in hindsight the 6 year affair isn’t worth it. Whether he’s a cake eater or not the fact is that he was happy and whatever needs he needed fulfilled were fulfilled if not by his AP, by his wife. You don’t go into an affair thinking I’m going to leave my partner or I’m going to divorce. It’s an affair! It’s in the dark and it’s supposed to stay like that! IF the “Love” was so real ya would have left. I know because I left my ex when I realized I was falling in love. I knew my time with my ex had expired. Don’t go projecting on this poor guy because in your head you think your affair is so perfect and precious and it hurts you and scares you that if YOUR AP found him/herself in the same situation you would be as insignificant as this guy’s AP is now to him... Drop 🎤 Good luck dude. Getting caught sucks for all involved and I wish for your sake and the sake of your family that she is a forgiving woman as well as humble to where she is willing to accept her faults that drove your relationship to this place. OOP: Yes, thank you. What you wrote is how I feel. I was missing 10% in my marriage and got a affair partner to fill in that gap. Was it worth the 90%? FUCK NO! I should have made a cost benefit analysis before this mess. &#x200B; >I wouldn’t immediately admit to anything, as we don’t know if news will get back to your wife. Imagine all the problems should be for naught if she’s never learns the truth but not for your confession. If she does learn of the affair then downplay it as a mid-life crisis, job stress, a “short-term fling” or any plausible story. Remember that we are in the practice of lying as part of this lifestyle. I will agree with others that we need to weight the risk-reward equation of our stepping-out. Frankly, if I had a wonderfully fulfilling, sexually satisfying marriage I wouldn’t be with an AP, but instead I am a decade into a zero sex marriage, so my risk of loss are substantially less. OOP: Are you my brother? That is pretty much what he said too. *In general the comments are mixed on whether or not he should tell his wife. Based on the time difference between posts it can be assumed that he did not,* *-* [**Never saw this comming**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Cakeeater/comments/ph3bxg/never_saw_this_comming/) **(Originally Posted September 3rd, 2021 on** r/Cakeeater) Throwaway. Posted once before. Check it for background. Think this is the sub I should be on. I was prepared for all scenarios but not this one. The doom day did not come in the shape I was expecting. AP ended up convinced her STBEX not to spill the beans to my wife in exchange for a smoth divorce. I thought I was in the clear. Yesterday AP sent me a blurry photo of my wife in the car with another man. She claimed they walked hand in hand to his car from a store in a nearby town to ours. She got a shot of the plates too. After some digging I now know she is having an affair. Don´t know how long for sure but at least 6 months. He is a singe dad our age and is telling her to leave the marriage. She is telling him she loves him. Afraid to confront her. Feel numb at the moment. Took a day off work. Any advice? I love her and want to stay married. EDIT: Any advice on how to proceed? Should I just let it run it course and monitor? Should I confront and hope for the best? Should I confess to my affair and hope we all can come clean and make way for a new marriage? I am so fucking utterly confused! I have rehearsed the things I would say and do if she was to find out about MY affaris. I was not prepared for this shit! **Relevant Comments** *In Response To A Now Deleted Comment* No PI. APs friend who also knows my wife (co-worker) saw her in the parking lot, took pictures and sent to my AP. AP forwarded it to me. Wife loves our sauna. Took the phone from the counter while she was relaxing. No password. It was all there on whattsapp. He was saved under a womans name. Did not have time to read it all but saw enough to confirm. Convos go back since April. &#x200B; >I agree with this. Perfect opportunity to go open. But I'm guessing not all cake eaters want their SO to have a slice of their own. OOP: Yeah I don´t know how I feel about being on the other side. Never had fantasies about my wife fucking other men. We had a good sex life minus my kinks she was not aware of (hence the LTAP). I am thinking what do I have to lose? There can be only two outcomes. She loves him she leaves. She loves me she stays. I am hoping this is just a fling and nothing serious. &#x200B; >Promise I'm not trying to bust your balls, just trying to understand. Your wife can't have cake of her own? I'm not a cake eater, but a single AP to 2 of them. I guess I'm not seeing the big deal. You're both getting your itches scratched. OOP: Logically yes we are both getting our itches scratched. Whats the big deal? I am not ruled by logic at this moment. Maybe later but now my emotions are overpowering every logic. never in my life have I experienced this type of emotional and physical distress. I can´t even think straigt. Never thought I was gonna bowl my eyes out and throw up on the carpet. &#x200B; >I think you need to find out why you wife cheated. If her reasons lines up with yours maybe their is a way to move to DADT OOP: I am desperate to talk this out to know why this happend and how invested she really is in this peace of shit. If she is doing this out of revenge maybe I have a chance cause if so she does feel something for me at least. I can´t imaginge her being emotionless throwing away over 20 years. I know this woman like I know my self. Deep down she´s hurt but also so very stubborn and proud. I just want to know if she knew about my affair why the hell did she not confront me? I would have chosen her over AP in a nanosecond. And what the hell is she hoping to find with this dush? He is no better than me, sleeping with a married woman. Ah fuck! I am trying to respect her wish to have some space but I am desperate desperate desperate to just talk to her. \- [**UPDATE Never saw this comming**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Cakeeater/comments/pkbju1/update_never_saw_this_comming/) My marriage seems to be over. Confronted wife this past weekend. Sat her down without warning and told her I knew she was having an affair and with whom. Asked her if she loved him and what her plan was. She was cought off guard. Went to the bathroom for ten minutes. When she came out she looked me straight in the eyes and said "I know about your affair too. I have known for some time now. I love him and want a divorce". Next days were a blure. I tried to talk to her but she shuts me down. She has moved into the spare bedroom and is making appointments with law firms. Has told our two girls. I have signed up for emergency therapy. Am on meds for dealing with anxiety and lack of sleep. This is surreal. Heard her talk to him last night and cut the internet cord. Kind of crazy cause I need fucking internet for work and she just switched to her phone. Ahh man! So many emotions are running through me. I made love to her past week and today she is a total stranger. How does this happend? How can she not feel ANY fucking emotion? Over 20 years GONE. All the love, friendship, partnership, intimacy, jokes, memories, plans for our future GONE. JUST LIKE THAT. NO LOOKING BACK. Feel so blindsided and the only person I can talk to is my brother who lives across the country. Sorry to vent here to you fine people on here. Just need to get this out. **Relevant Comments** *In Response To A Now Deleted Comment* Yeah you can LOL your dick off. I am a selfish entitled arrogant worst asshole among cheaters but I do love my wife contrary to what many of you believe. In my heart I have NEVER strayed. But she played me. Well done. >Did you not play her for 6 years? Have you asked her how long she's known? I'm guessing she's known for quite a while and had time to process her feelings before even stepping out. You can't demonize her for something your were doing first. And you should've listened to your heart instead of your dick if you didn't want this to be an outcome. Anyone who cheats and doesn't think this scenario is a possibile outcome is a fool, OPSEC be damned. OOP: yeah you are right. \- *I consider this concluded as there has been no update in two years. Reminder that this sub has strict rules against brigading and that I am not the original poster.*

Man Realizes His Affair May Come To Light Soon

REPOST

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159s570/man_realizes_his_affair_may_come_to_light_soon/

159tkx9

Originally posted by u/prize-property-794 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 27, '23 updated on May 1, '23. *Note: an IEP is an Individualized Education Program. These plans are made for children with some kind of special need, for instance, autism, ADHD, etc, and are based on their individual needs. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1318ca3/aita_for_not_inviting_all_students_to_a_barbecue/)** April 27, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for not inviting all students to a barbecue?** I (30f) am a teacher. I have a class with 24 students. I teach 1st grade. I told my students that we could have a barbecue at a park (with hotdogs and hamburgers and snacks) for whoever filled their “good noodle” sticker charts. This has been approved by the principal and I teach at a private school. We have daily sticker charts to track their behavior in school. They had to have perfect behavior all of April in order to participate. I have one student who has some behavioral issues. They did not earn all of their good noodle stickers this month. Since this student - we’ll call Bobby - didn’t earn the barbecue I had let his mother know just in case he mentioned it. Bobby would join another class for the day and do work inside while his classmates were at the barbecue. She has been sending emails complaining to myself and the principal all week about how her child should also be able to participate and it is unfair. She thinks we should make an exception since he has behavioral issues and feels we could be targeting him. I think I’m being fair because he did not earn all of his good noodle stickers. So AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* >Does bobby have a diagnosis for his behavioral issues? OP: There is a diagnosis and an IEP that we follow. So his good noodle chart is handled slightly more lenient. >(This comment was deleted) OP: The charts are on the classroom door so all the kids know who gets their stickers because they’re visible. >1) Were the parents given advance notice of these sticker charts and that going to the barbecue was contingent on getting enough good noodle stickers? >2) Did Bobby's mother notify you of his behavioral issues at the beginning of the school year, or was his behavioral issues sudden news to you? — (EDIT: Upon further reading you mentioned Bobby has an IEP, but how far in advance was this IEP communicated to you?) >3) EDIT: Are good noodle sticker charts school-wide, or OP: All of the parents were made aware at the beginning of the school year about the “good noodle” sticker charts. We also send the sticker charts home every month so parents can see how their child behaved. We have known about Bobby’s behavioral issues all year. There is an IEP in place. Bobby is actually how the “good noodle” sticker charts started. His mom suggested a sticker chart to be part of his IEP but to make it so that he wasn’t different I did sticker charts for the whole class. Bobby’s is more lenient than the rest of the class though without the kids knowing that of course. >IEP’s are not voluntary to follow. You MUST follow them. OP: In public school yes! But in a private they aren’t required to legally follow them because they’re not federally funded. Because we’re not federally funded. We also don’t have to have students take the same state exams either. *OP provides more info:* The sticker charts aren’t meant to have perfect behavior. That’s not realistic. They’re for basic things that the kids and I chose in the beginning of the year as their classroom rules. Raised your hand, was respectful, kind to other students, etc. Small mistakes we let go. (I have a teachers aid on some days.) If the majority of the day was a good day we give them their good noodle sticker. It’s reasonable expectations. Raise your hand, etc. We’re a small private school from K-8th grade. We only have one class per grade. It’s a very small private school. The park is on our school grounds . >How many parent teacher conferences did you have? How often did you send notes to the parents? OP: *There were several questions like this but OP never provided answers:* *Judgment: Asshole* &nbsp; - *I believe this 1st update is the next day* Update: I had a meeting today after school with the parents and the principal. The principal agrees it would not be fair to the other students to allow Bobby to participate. She expressed she understands the frustration but she needs to make it fair for all students and not just Bobby. The father said he understood and thought it was a fair assessment if all the other students were able to complete the goal. The mother argued Bobby’s IEP. The principal then reminded her we follow his IEP as a courtesy but as a private school we legally do not have to follow it and she has a choice to come to this school but if she’d like to unenroll Bobby then there was a waiting list of students they could contact to take his place. Bobby will still be enrolled in the school and in my class if anyone is wondering. He will not be attending the barbecue. &nbsp; **[2nd Update](https://www.reveddit.com/v/AmItheAsshole/comments/1318ca3/aita_for_not_inviting_all_students_to_a_barbecue/)** May 1, '23 - *Dated through reveddit* &nbsp; Update 2: Bobby’s mother came to the school yesterday to drop off Bobby’s lunch he forgot at home. She arrived during the children’s snack recess. All of the kids were playing freeze tag. A game where once you’re tagged you have to freeze until someone unfreezes you. I was inside prepping art while the teachers aid was with them. Bobby’s mother came inside absolutely livid saying we were forcing her child to stand in one place and not let him move. We explained the game and she said then the students are cruel for not unfreezing him but unfreezing everyone else. She was making such a big scene and so loud the principal overheard (their office is down the hall). His mother was removed from the school grounds and we had a meeting with his father in the afternoon. The principal let him know Bobby would need to be unenrolled due to his mothers behavior. He did try to get him to stay until at least the end of the year but ultimately understood. He was also told if Bobby’s mother is on the school grounds again the police department will be called immediately. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for not inviting all students to a barbecue?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159tkx9/aita_for_not_inviting_all_students_to_a_barbecue/

159v1jb

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/QuantityNo4541 **I should’ve sacrificed myself for her** **Originally posted to** r/EntitledPeople **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Victim of a violent crime, gun point robbery!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/152uu3q/i_shouldve_sacrificed_myself_for_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 18, 2023** So, I’m not entirely sure if this qualifies as an “entitled parent” or just someone who’s mentally insane but this JUST happened a few hours ago, so here goes. I (29m) work for a small hardware store in my city. I’m about 6’2”, chubby, but still muscular from all the heavy lifting I do for work. Early this morning me and, we will call her, Nancy (49f) were at the store before opening to do inventory. It was about an hour before opening and Nancy went outside to grab something from her car. She came back in a few minutes later, at gunpoint, with someone walking behind her. I’ve never been involved in any kind of robbery before, aside from minor shoplifting attempts, so I froze in place. The gunman pointed it at me, telling me to keep my hands visible and to follow them. Nancy was “technically” the opening manager, and therefor had keys to the store and vault in the back office, so he held me up while she emptied it. He was gone in about 10 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Our store doesn’t have any kind of silent alarm, so once we were sure he was gone, I went and called 911. After I get off the phone, Nancy comes up to me and asks, word for word, “what the f*** is wrong with you?!” I stare at her completely caught off guard and asked her what she was talking about. She proceeds to rant at me up until the police arrive. To sum up her rant, she basically said I was a “pathetic excuse of a man” for “not protecting a single mother when she was in danger.” I asked her what she expected me to do in that situation. She expected me to try and get the gun away from him so he couldn’t hurt her. It was around that point that he police arrived to take our statements and ensure we were okay. My actual boss is on vacation this week but has given me the next two days off, paid (I love this guy), to recover from the shock of the situation and to call him if I need anything. I haven’t told him about Nancy’s rant yet, I’m still trying to process everything she said to me. Edit: sorry still new to posting, wasn’t sure if this info is relevant or not. Nancy is divorced and her son is a 19yo college student who doesn’t live with her. During her rant, she kept going on about “who would watch my baby if I’d died”, stuff like that. I’m hoping it was just adrenaline from the robbery but if the next time I see her, she’s still acting that way, I’ll report her. Edit 2: I greatly appreciate the comments people have sent, I didn’t think I’d get that many replies. There have been some comments claiming Nancy was in on it. She seemed genuinely terrified so I doubt she was but now I can’t get that thought out of my head. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **LhasaApsoSmile** >Why am I wondering if Nancy was in on it? The timing is suspicious - she goes out to her car to say the coast is clear. The boss is on vacation. What businesses have cash in a safe in these days? A small hardware store, how much could that be? She must know when the cash is at decent amount. **OOP replied** >I’ve never actually been in the room myself but from my previous job at least I can tell you that a “vault” isn’t like the small safe you’re thinking about. It’s an extra locked room where the store keeps the money orders it receives. I wasn’t specific about it in my story because I don’t want this traced back to me but the store I work for is still one of the chain hardware stores, just not one of the big name ones like the orange or blue logos. >As to whether or not she’s in on it, I’ve seen a few people comment that. She seemed genuinely terrified so I doubt that she was but now I can’t get the thought out of my head. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/1545ozw/update_i_shouldve_sacrificed_myself_for_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **July 19, 2023** Hey everyone, not sure if this is how you do an update but here goes. I just wanted to start by thanking everyone for the kind words and advice I was given. It was definitely the scariest moment of my life, and I’ve decided I’m going to look in to potential therapy. Before the actual update, I just wanted to explain a few things based on some comments I saw in my original post. 1: The hardware store I work for is “small” just in the physical sense, it’s still technically one of the big name hardware store in the US, just not warehouse sized like the ones with the Orange and Blue logos. 2: When I said that Nancy had emptied the vault, I wasn’t referring to an actual safe/lockbox. The vault in our store refers to a small, double locked, room where they store the money orders the store receives from the big armored trucks. 3: Nancy actually IS the HR manager for our store. Because the store manager was out of town for the week, she was the acting store manager along with one other person who was off that day. My actual store manager, Nancy, and the third associate are the only ones with keys to the vault. So, now for the update. To be honest, I’m not sure if I’m more angry or scared right now but I got off the phone with my store manager half an hour ago. He was reviewing the security camera footage that was sent to him, from his hotel room. I knew the store had cameras, what I didn’t know is that we have cameras that face the parking lot. Some of you mentioned it in the comments, so you may not be surprised to hear that Nancy has been arrested for assisting in robbing the store. I can’t go in to extreme detail but, according to my boss, the gunman was seen exiting Nancy’s car when she went outside, they spoke for a bit before walking back up to the store. I don’t know much else aside from that the guy was her new boyfriend. I am feeling so many different emotions right now, confusion, anger, fear, etc. she traumatized someone 20 years younger than he for a few thousand dollars. I don’t know if she was chewing me out about the “single mother” thing because she’d hoped I would have done something to warrant getting shot over. All I know is that this woman, who originally did my hiring interview, is mentally insane. As I said, I think I’m going to look into therapy for this, it’s just too much for me to process alone. My boss has offered me addition leave of absence if needed as well. So, for now I’m going to take some time off and if I get any more info I can share, I’ll further update you. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Own_Presentation6561** >Thank you for the update Op, I am just glad you did not get hurt what a b **** she set that up then had a go at you probably to look inocent. I hope you take the time you need to get over this. Take care and keep updating when you can. **ThatFatGuyMJL** >>Sounds like she was hoping to murder him **OOP replied** >>>See, that’s the thought that I’m terrified of right now. Did she hate me so much for some reason she wanted me dead? ##**NEW UPDATE** * [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/15hfs7k/final_update_i_shouldve_sacrificed_myself_for_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **Aug 3, 2023** Hey everyone, I didn’t think I’d be posting again this soon but it sounds like things are being handled outside of court, so I should be in the clear. I’m not sure if they’re is going to be much more of a resolution than this but if more happens I’ll update you all further. Before I begin I just wanna say that I’m doing…okay, for the most part. I had my first therapy session two days ago and she seems like a good one, so I’m gonna stick with her for now. I told her about my Reddit post and she thinks that as long as I’m not giving out real names or anything, it could be very therapeutic to discuss what happened to me with others. Now for the update; Nancy’s boyfriend is in prison for numerous charges, not contained solely to the robbery. That’s the easiest part of this to explain, the rest gets weird. A week ago I was asked to meet with Nancy and her attorney as she wanted to speak with me. I refused because I’m not at a point where I’m willing to speak with her let alone look at her. Two days later, my company rep told me he had an email from Nancy meant for me, he reviewed it and agreed to pass it along to me if I wanted to read it. Against my better judgement I said yes and, wow, it got crazy. The email was a letter of apology to me. Nancy’s boyfriend was an incredibly abusive drug user who had her too afraid of him to leave her or call the police. The robbery was his idea and she was forced to go along with it under threat of being unalived. She then apologized for her rant to me, claiming it was because, in her mind, she believed I would’ve stepped in to save her somehow and when I didn’t she had a bit of a mental breakdown. There was more to the letter but those are really the main takeaways. I contacted my rep back telling him to reply that I appreciated her apology and am sorry for what she went through but, that I will NEVER forgive her for putting me through that and to never contact me again when all is said and done. The last I heard, she is taking a plea deal. That’s really all the I have to give you all. I appreciate all of your helpful comments and will continue to answer questions you may have. I’m still in a messed up place mentally but am getting the help I need. Thank you all again and be safe out there. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

I should’ve sacrificed myself for her

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/159v1jb/i_shouldve_sacrificed_myself_for_her/

15a79q1

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/13kxsgp/i_just_found_my_job_posted_on_indeed/) posted by u/CapnBunny1 on r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk on 18 May 2023 **I just found my job posted on indeed** A little background, about a year about i put in a vacation request for May 25-30 and for a year ive been told its covered. Tuesday i found out that because were short staffed that it may not get approved. We are not short staffed, I can list two people who could cover for me, but they dont want to work the weekend. I naturally got pissed and almost quit on the spot. But me and my GM talked. I let out everything ive been holding in for the last few months. About the mistakes im having to fix, about the 3-11 who wont even talk to me (she's a bitch, not only to me, but to guest, we've gotten countless bad reviews on her.) Well yesterday i was looking through indeed and i come across a post for my job. Making more then i make now. I decided to finish out the week but after im done unless My GM tells me otherwise. -------------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/14bzb5w/i_just_found_my_job_posted_on_indeed_update/) posted by u/CapnBunny1 on r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk on 17 Jun 2023 **I just found my job posted on indeed (update)** sorry for the long wait, ive been really busy. Anyway. My vacation was approved but i still quit. I would have come back if she had not posted my job. But it is what it is. I went on my vacation and had a great time. Its exactly what I needed. On the way home i got a call for an interview at a new hotel. I went in and got the job. Ill be starting on the 3rd. Im also in the middle of moving, thats why ive taken so long for this update. I know the update is short but i just wanted to do a quick update. **I AM NOT THE OP**

OOP Just found their job posted on Indeed

CONCLUDED

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15a79q1/oop_just_found_their_job_posted_on_indeed/

15ab6su

**I am NOT OP. Original post from** r/AmItheAsshole **by** u/throwawaybeardie2. **Trigger Warnings:** >!animal endangerment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!!< \--- **Original post:** [AITA for not allowing my sister near my bearded dragon after doing a Tik Tok trend with my pet?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lxuiub/aita_for_not_allowing_my_sister_near_my_bearded/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) (March 4, 2021) Throwaway cause I don't want this linked to my account and I am on mobile so formatting might be weird I(18F) have a bearded dragon named Phil who I have had for about 1 year now. Phil is deeply loved by me and my family. My sister(15F) who I will call Jane, really likes to make TikToks of Phil which I have completely no problem with since they're normally just videos of Phil running around or doing something silly like opening his mouth when he basks. Yesterday my sister came up to me to show me a Tik Tok she had made of Phil. There is a trend on Tiktok of putting butter on dogs as some audio plays over it of this guy saying "butter dog". Well Jane showed me a video of her putting some soft butter on Phil so that she could follow the trend. When I saw that I became very upset. I had seen a video recently of someone explaining how doing this trend with bearded dragons can be dangerous cause the butter will stick to their skin and if they get put back under their basking light the butter will heat up and basically burn the bearded dragons skin. I told Jane to delete the video and that she can't do stuff like that with Phil and quickly got him out from under his basking light that she had put him back under after the video and started to bathe him in the tub to try and get off any of the butter she didn't wipe off. My sister came and told me I was overreacting and that it's just a fun trend. It snapped at her and told her I'm not letting her near Phil until she apologizes to me and promises to not do trends like these with Phil again, and ask me everytime she wants to make a video with Phil. My sister got angry and told me she wasn't apologizing for just wanting to have fun with Phil and that I can't take Phil away from her. After I finished making sure all the butter was off I put him back in his tank that's in my room and told her she's not allowed to come in and take Phil. My parents found out this morning and told me I was out of line for what I did and that it was just a innocent video. They told me I need to stop freaking out so much over things that involve Phil. My sister said she's not apologizing cause she didn't know it would hurt Phil so I should get over it and let her see Phil again. I feel like I can't trust her with Phil though, if she hadn't shown me the video Phil would've sat in his tank getting burned under his basking light and I wouldn't even know until it was too late. I think I might be the asshole cause I could be overreacting like my family say I am and for yelling at her when she didn't know that doing the trend would hurt Phil. So reddit, am I the asshole here? Edit: thank you for the awards! I will be trying my best to reply to everyone but just know I've been reading everyones comments and I appreciate all the advice I have been getting Edit 2: wow! Didn't expect all this attention, people have. Been asking for a pic of Phil though so here! [Phil the beardie](https://imgur.com/gallery/hFcxgWJ) **image description: a very handsome bearded dragon lying on a paper plate, looking at the camera** Edit 3/mini update: I'm just gonna answer a question I've been getting a lot, yes, I did tell her and my parents why it was dangerous to put butter on his head. I'm gonna sit them down sometime today or tommorow and try to explain to them today with evidence to show them why what my sister did wasn't just a fun trend but could've hurt or killed Phil. I also ordered a lock for his tank. Thank you everyone for the awards and support, I'm gonna be sitting down and reading all the new comments once I finish my online work **UPDATE:** [AITA for not allowing my sister near my bearded dragon after doing a Tik Tok trend with him?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m9ustr/update_aita_for_not_allowing_my_sister_near_my/) (March 21, 2021) Hello! So sorry I haven't been on in awhile, things have been very busy for me, but I'm here with a update. So after my last post and getting all your feedback, I had ordered a lock for Phil's tank and put it on once I got it so that my sister couldn't just get him. I waited a bit to see if my sister would apologise but she didn't. So I sat down both my parents and sister to go over again why I wasn't allowing her to see Phil and how what she did was not okay. I had made a slideshow and everything about how putting butter on bearded dragons was in fact not a harmless trend. I told her that I wasn't mad at her for doing it since she didn't know but I was upset over how she reacted. It took a lot of explaining and I even used some advice you guys gave me on how to best explain it, and after a lot of talking and a bit of arguing it seemed they finally all got it. My sister got upset and apologised to me for how she reacted and seemed geniunely upset after she realized what she did to Phil. My parents also apologised for not taking my side and scolding me for what rules I set in place. The lock is still staying on the tank just in case, but my sister is now allowed to see him and play with him of she asks me, and she's not allowed to make anymore videos of Phil without me being there to watch. She seems a bit irritated about the rules but she follows the rules. I also got her to take down the video off of Tik Tok and she ended up making a video on how what she did was stupid and that to not do what she did which I'm very pleased with. She has gone back to making her harmless videos of Phil just running and playing and all is going well now. I also want to thank reddit again for the advice and reassurance that what I was doing wasn't wrong since I honestly was pretty lost at that time. Phil is also doing well and he appreciates all the compliments of the picture I posted, he knows he's a handsome boy so he's happy to have gotten the appreciation he deserves :) Edit: people were asking for more photos so here! [photos of Phil](https://imgur.io/gallery/AuEFBFY) **image description: 11 pictures of a very handsome bearded dragon in various poses. Highlights include him making a derpy face while eating lettuce, him wearing a little cowboy hat, and him holding** **~~two little plastic swords~~** **THREE little plastic swords, one in each of his front feet and one in his tail** —- **Poster’s note: please look at the photos, especially the compilation at the end, you will NOT regret it**

AITA for not allowing my sister near my bearded dragon after doing a Tik Tok trend with my pet?

CONCLUDED

starchild812

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ab6su/aita_for_not_allowing_my_sister_near_my_bearded/

15abjwi

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Thatsnotmyfoot **in** r/confession *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* mood spoilers: >!Sarcastic, Annoyed, Exasperated!< --- &nbsp; [**I destroyed my work project, and I hope I get fired**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/b094pd/i_destroyed_my_work_project_and_i_hope_i_get_fired/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, March 12, 2019 This is petty. I don't care. I've worked at a company for two years. In that time, I've gone from an 'incredible asset to the company' to 'babysitter'. I wish I was joking. This company is owned by several people, but managed by a relative to the higher-ups. A guy who has never worked for anyone except his Mommy (who owns the company). A guy who is incapable of doing basically anything for himself. Someone who will 'one day' take over the company, who currently can't even figure out Bluetooth. Moron would be a compliment. You think I'm just being harsh on my boss or exaggerating. I wish. I wish it was just me being dramatic. Last phone call I had from him was him asking where he was. No, I'm serious. "Foot, I'm driving. Where am I?" He asks me to track his phone, find his location, see if I can find a store near him that sells a certain item (that he can't remember the name of the store either, or where it is exactly), and then I am to GPS voice navigate him there using track his phone to tell him when to turn. This is my life. 50+ phone calls a day from this man. "Foot, did you get my email?" "Yes, I responded to it and answered your questions." "Oh good. Read it out to me." Proceed to read the email to him. He is happy. Fast forward two hours. Get a scathing email from him, responding to my reply: "Foot, why did you email me again when we just talked about this on the phone?! This wastes my time." I no longer do my regular job. I've been transitioned into this 'Personal Assistant' role, even though I did not want it. At all. To the point I'm currently searching for a new job. The company is bleeding money like someone cut off both of its legs. Boss is supposed to be figuring out why, but the guy can't even pour himself a cup of coffee from the machine we've had for six years. In my day to day, I also assist other departments. I have access to various software. I work alongside multiple managers and assist with their projects as well (when I'm not being asked to identify the brand of socks Boss is wearing so that he can figure out where to buy more, and have me call to 'have them set aside a package for me so I don't have to walk through the store looking for these like an idiot'). Based on my observations, I found several problems that are costing us money. Either by purchasing, distribution, or just a general lack of adequate price adjustments. Some were serious enough that I even spoke to a different department manager, who was impressed and took me to the CEO to ask if I can be moved to their department to help fix some of the identified problems. CEO is Boss's Mother. I get told that I absolutely am not allowed to transfer. That I am far too valuable as a personal assistant to be shared with other departments. That Boss will handle and oversee the changes that need to be made. Manager and I were stunned. Turns out, Mother wants to step away from the company and wants Boss to run it. That Boss just needs more projects to work on to get a better understanding of how to run the company. Boss gets called in, told that I identified several issues and that Boss needs to get them resolved. Boss gets mad at Mother, telling her he doesn't have time to do that. Mother says she understands, that he is a very busy boy. (Again, I'm not joking. Sitcoms can't even write this kind of shit). Boss later calls me into his office, and tells me that I am to work on fixing all of these issues, but that I'm to give him all my notes, tell him how I fixed it and he will present it to the board. Boss then proceeds to leave for the day, calling me later to ask what kind of mustard was the mustard he liked the most on his deli sandwiches. Then proceeded to lecture me on mustard, because the answer I gave him was obviously not the right kind of mustard and that I need to pay more attention to things like that. I hung up the phone, picked up all my notes on this 'bleeding money' situation/project, and shredded them. Oops. Sorry! I'm too much of an idiot to handle doing any type of investigation work into our financial records for the past 5 years. I'm certainly too much of an idiot to notice that your profit margins went from 32% to less than 18.3% on the majority of our products we manufacture, all the while giving our distributors more than 46% discount so that they 'keep coming back for more'. Here is hoping Boss can figure that out, especially considering the layoffs we keep having. Excuse me while I make note of what kind of mustard he prefers on his Montreal smoked meat sandwich, which is a much more important use of my time. Because, in the words of Boss: "Maybe one day you'll be capable, like me, if you keep working at it." I hope I get fired. --- &nbsp; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/bxid0k/update_for_i_destroyed_my_work_project_and_i_hope/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, Jun 06, 2019 *Taken from ceddit* Despite a few interviews, I am still in this god-forsaken hole. You may be wondering: "So! Foot! Did you get fired for shredding the project notes?!" Nope. Lectured? Yes. Got told I was a disappointment? Yes. Things that have happened since then: Boss has determined that fixing these issues isn't actually that important after all and that me shredding the documents wasn't a huge loss. Boss proceeded to inform me that I was 'looking for problems' and that I should keep my nose clean regarding company matters. AKA: Stop trying to find things that are wrong that he would have to fix. Still getting 40+ phone calls a day. Today my first phone conversation was: Boss: Foot, it's raining. Foot: Yes... it is... Boss: Did you get more rain at your house than at my house? Foot:... I don't know... Boss: Well don't you measure your rain? Foot: No. Boss: You should! Then you'll know how much rain there was. Foot: Do you measure your rain? Boss: Oh no, we just water the garden when it gets dry. Foot:... So... why did you ask? Boss: Well if you told me how much rain you got by measurement, I could guess at how much rain I got and I could see who got more rain! But now I can't, so whatever. Foot: ... Anything else, Boss? Boss: No that's it. I'll be at work soon. &nbsp; On a good note, I have actually stopped doing my job. I don't get paid enough for this shit. I spend my days babysitting, doing the most mundane of tasks, doing only 'enough' to not get caught and spending the rest of my time spread out between working on a novel, watching training videos online related to my field or upgrades, on Reddit, writing the same list over and over, creating spreadsheets for things that don't matter and submitting my resume to new job listings. I've realized I can't get fired at this point. Not because it's impossible, but because the funds aren't there to do severance. I've even been warned that our paychecks might bounce next week and that they will be writing manual checks that we can take to the bank teller and have them check if there is enough money BEFORE we deposit them. Obviously I'm looking for anything at this point. Are we still hemorrhaging money? You bet your sweet ass we are. Did I ask for additional access to sales orders as part of my research? Sure did. Did I manage to confirm that we are selling almost all of our wholesale products for below cost? Yep. Does CEO care? Nope. Cause 'sweet baby boy' will 'make things all better once he gets the hang of running a company'. - On that note, here are additional things I have done this past month: - Replaced Boss's pens in his office entirely with crayons - Purchased the bathroom scent spray fragrance that Boss says he hates, with enough supply for the next year so they can't justify buying more - Had the boys from the shop string up his office chair from the overhead crane - Called all my vendors that I have working relationships with and had Boss's authorization removed from all accounts, citing a need for 3 signature approvals to override - Destroyed my notes for fixing the inventory system, which had been neglected for 15 years and I re-organized to a functional point. This was deemed 'not necessary', so I removed all my work and shredded those documents too - I listen to music all day, or podcasts, despite the policy against it - I take extra-long breaks, up to an hour where I disappear - I took a week off with only 5 hours notice, and came back to not being fired. - I sign my email signatures with increasingly strange job titles. Today I am 'Unicorn Wrangler and Wizard Assistant'. And now I'm sitting on Reddit, updating you all. It's been a magical, wonderful ride and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I hope you've been entertained, shocked, awed, and perhaps a bit more disappointed in the human race. I'll survive, but I don't think the horrors of the shit I've seen will ever go away. There was that one time that Boss couldn't get his suspenders back on and came into my office with his pants around his knees asking for help in nothing but old man tighty whiteys. Seriously. I didn't get paid enough for this shit. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I destroyed my work project, and I hope I get fired

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15abjwi/i_destroyed_my_work_project_and_i_hope_i_get_fired/

15aetmy

Originally posted in r/AmItheAsshole 4 months ago. Unable to recover OPs username as they have since deleted their post and account. The link for the original post will be to the auto-mod's comment on AITA. The update was edited into the same post as the original. It was captured by auto-mods on r/AmITheDevil and r/AmITheAngel when the original was crossposted. The link to the update will lead to one of their comments. &#x200B; **ORIGINAL**: [AITA for crying over being ignored and expecting an apology from my bf?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12bejfh/comment/jewfps3/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- April 4th 2023. For context, my bf (27m) is a huge fan of HIMYM and I (26f) have watched it once with him and enjoyed it very much. This morning in bed my bf and I were talking and at one point he said "you talk to much", which I always take as a joke, because I won't tolerate actually being talked to like that, and so I joked back, that he can't have both cuddles and quiet. Later, when I get out of bed, we say something at the same time and he goes to jinx me like in HIMYM but I don't shut up, because it makes me feel really bad and triggers some childhood trauma from me being bullied and ignored. I tell him that I don't want to play that game because it makes me feel bad and he proceeds to tell me that he will ignore me until he says my name. This makes me really sad, so I get up and walk out. After sitting in my office crying for about 15 minutes and hoping that he would come applogize to me, I go back to him in the bedroom and tell him that he hurt me. He then says that he asked me to be quiet, and when I would not he had to jinx me to get me to be quiet. I tell him that I don't like the jinx game because it makes me feel really shitty, but he says it is not a game and I have to respect it. At this point I am getting quite frustrated and I tell him that at no point did he politely ask me to be quiet and that I will never respond well to being ordered around (like being told "You talk too much"). I start crying again and he says "I don't want to do this right now". I left the bedroom and am now back in my office crying and typing this reddit. Am I the a-hole? &#x200B; *Judgement:* ESH, going by the top comment of "[both need to grow tf up](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12bejfh/comment/jewhxux/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)" &#x200B; **UPDATE**: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/12bivq5/comment/jewx9z6/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/12bivq5/comment/jewx9z6/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- same day update Edit/update: Okay, so after writing this post I started going about my day, and after folding towels I went back into the bedroom to put them away and I was met with "I'm sorry I hurt you" which made my heart melt. We talked and he told me that he really wanted some quiet and was frustrated that I did not get that. He had said it in a way I took as a joke and this frustrated him, which is why he felt the need to resort to the jinx-method. I apologized for not catching his genuine request, and I assured him that I would NEVER do it on purpose. If I know he wants some peace and quiet I will give it to him in a heartbeat. All I ask is that he ask me nicely, and I told him this. We forgave each other for our miscommunication and we ended the conversation with cuddles and saying "I love you" to each other. Thank you all so much for your comments! I need to respect and be more confident in my own boundaries and he needs to communicate more clearly so that I may also respect his.😅 &#x200B; *Please note: this is a repost. I am NOT the original poster.*

AITA for crying over being ignored and expecting an apology from my bf?

CONCLUDED

InADustyCorner

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15aetmy/aita_for_crying_over_being_ignored_and_expecting/

15as4dt

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/LadySavings. She posted in r/AITAH. **This is an update to my previous BORU post** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/152nm2o/aitah_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/). The newest update will be marked with \*\*\*\*\* **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity; Andrew Tater Tot idiocy!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP is going to be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pynpt/aitah_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/)**: July 3, 2023** Husband (33M) and (33f) have been married for 10 years, together since college. Since starting out we have made financial security a priority and have been able to achieve that, albeit with some good luck along the way. We both have good jobs (paying close to 200K each). Student loans were paid off within a few years (both went to state schools with some scholarships so didn't have a lot of debt to begin with), we live in a house I inherited from my grandmother (no mortgage), and don't have any credit card debt. We max out our 401(k)s and currently have 18 months of expenses in our emergency fund and are still adding to it. Our cars are both paid off and should be good for another 5+ years and we don't have any credit card debt. We manage our finances in a hybrid manner - joint accounts for bills and savings, and separate accounts for our "fun" money (we each get a pretty generous monthly allotment). The fun money is strictly for our individual expenses (hobbies, clothes, outings with friends, etc.) and NOT for things like date nights, vacations, or larger joint purchases like household appliances and repairs which come out of our joint account. We also agreed that if either of us gets any bonuses (or has any side hustle income) those will go into our individual fun money accounts, unless the funds are needed for a larger expense such as a major home repair. In terms of the "fun" money, my husband is much more of a spender than I am due to expensive hobbies (in particular golf and collecting sports memorabilia, and he's also more into designer clothes), which is fine - it's his fun money! On the other hand, my hobbies are a lot less expensive (running/working out, reading, baking). In general I'm more introverted and a great time for me is tea with a friend at one of our homes, with homemade pastries. I have also been getting back into gaming lately after setting it aside for much of the past decade while building my career. After realizing I had more than enough in my fun money account, I decided to overhaul my gaming setup and got myself a new PC, desk and gaming chair (total cost of about $5,000). However, upon hearing about the purchase, my husband is furious. He says he had no idea I had saved so much money and that I should have consulted him before spending $5K. I asked what difference it made if it was my own accrued fun money and not our joint funds, and he insisted that my accumulating this amount, without telling him, was a form of financial infidelity. He says he lost trust in me and doesn't know what else I might be hiding. He is demanding that I return the items I purchased and deposit most of the funds to our joint account. He wants to make a new rule that fun money accounts can't accumulate more than $2K and that any excess goes back to the joint account (a rule that would obviously favor him as a person who spends most of his allotment each month instead of saving up for anything bigger). I feel like I am being punished for being more of a day-to-day saver than spender. It wouldn't occur to me to demand to know how much my husband has in his fun money account or to try to micromanage what he spends it on. I wasn't hiding anything deliberately - he never asked about it until after I made the purchases. Still, maybe I should have been more transparent about my plans. So AITAH? Miscellaneous Info: Husband and I each have our own office/hobby room in the house so it's not like the gaming setup was going in a space he uses. I don't usually game when my husband is home unless he's already busy doing something else - my biggest block of gaming time is typically when he's off playing golf. Also, I run 40-50 miles a week so it's not like I am generally sedentary. I can't think of a good reason why he would object to me gaming or having a nice gaming setup in my own space in the house. ***Relevant Comments:*** "I actually had/have a lot more than $5K saved! We have had this arrangement for a few years and I typically only spend about $500 of my allotted $1500/month. Maybe a bit more some months if I need to replace my running shoes, buy other clothes, or have any outings with friends planned like concerts, but in that range." *Girl, what does he actually contribute to your household?* "Although our incomes are about equal, I work shorter hours at home (with occasional in-office days or business travel) and he works long hours in the office, plus an hour of commuting time each way. Perhaps because I'm home all the time, having a very tidy home and fresh-cooked meals is a priority for me! I primarily do those things for me and not for him even though he benefits as well. I'd still have to cook and clean if I were living in the house by myself, unless I wanted to hire someone to do those things (but I don't as I genuinely enjoy cooking and housework). We do have breakfast together most days unless he has to leave early, dinner together most days, and weekend date/activity time in addition to pursuing our own hobbies. He's smart, hilarious and a delightful companion (at least other than this latest issue). I realize I haven't emphasized the positive in this thread (because I've been pretty pissed, ha) but other than this he has been a great partner and husband." *People are confused on how much money they have, so OOP elaborates:* "Together we have joint cash savings of 250K, plus retirement savings approaching the 7-figure mark." *Could he be hiding a debt/gambling addiction?* "I manage all our bank accounts and check them daily and also handle all the bill pay. Nothing suspicious so far! He admits he's not great with money and would spend more without a budget." ***In AITAH there is no overall "vote" indicating if OOP is the asshole, but the majority of the comments indicated NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x9o69/update_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/)**: July 11, 2023 (8 days later)** Here's the TL;DR: Husband and I (33M/33F) are fairly high income earners (about 200K/year each), own our home free and clear, no other debts of any kind - we save close to half of our income and most finances are joint but we allocate $1500/month each (plus any extra income such as from bonuses or side hustles) for "fun money" (for hobbies, luxury goods, outings with our own friends that aren't together, etc.). Husband tends to spend his fun money month to month due to his expensive hobbies (primarily golf) while I tend to save the majority of mine because my interests (such as running and baking) are less expensive. I have been getting back into gaming lately, though, and having saved up more than enough of my fun money, I spent $5K on a new gaming rig and really nice desk and chair. Husband blew a gasket and accused me of "financial infidelity" even though I was operating within what I thought were our agreed-upon rules by spending my own allocated fun money on hobby stuff. Anyway, here is the update: My husband finally calmed down enough to have a conversation with me. As many others who provided comments suggested, it wasn't really about the money, but a window into larger issues in our relationship. Essentially, my husband has been feeling increasingly unhappy with me for a while, for the following reasons: In general, he feels that he's a lot more committed to his career development than I am to mine. It's true that although we currently have about the same income, the ceiling for his field (finance) is a lot higher than the one for mine (tech/software dev). He's currently in an executive training program and I'm decidedly not. He's feeling resentful that he he's having to work long hours in a high-pressure environment, while I get to work primarily at home doing something that is fun and fairly easy for me and I'm not stretching myself to do more. He's concerned that over time these resentments are going to build, and that I'm not going to end up pulling my weight financially if he takes huge leaps in his career and I don't. He remarked that, since getting back into gaming a few months ago, I have been putting a bit less effort into cooking (I do nearly all the cooking because I work at home and have an easier schedule). It's true that I have been fixing simpler meals (things like grilled chicken salads, or chili with cornbread) instead of elaborate meals with fussier foods and several sides. He has also noticed that I haven't been doing the elaborate table settings I used to (with flowers on the table, fancy placemats, etc.) - honestly I didn't realize he noticed or cared about this, but apparently he does. Acts of service are one of his main love languages so overall he's feeling a little neglected because of this. He also feels I'm not putting enough effort into my appearance. Not in terms of weight/body (I'm a long-distance runner and slim) but in terms of things like clothes, hair, etc. It's true that I've never paid much attention to these things - given that I work at home in tech the standard for appearances is extremely low and I far exceed that. I tend to buy simple, practical clothes at places like Target and Walmart, don't wear much makeup and keep my hair in a simple ponytail. I do glam up a lot more for date nights and other dressy occasions, but most days he comes home from work to find me in a T-shirt and yoga pants with no makeup, and he wants me to make more of an effort. The bottom line is that because of all these things, he's starting to notice other women. Says he hasn't cheated, he's just noticing other people because he's regularly disappointed in me. In particular, given that he works in finance there are a good number of very career-oriented, Type-A women who manage to have fantastic bodies, be effortlessly polished and glam, and have more interesting hobbies. He also says he feels horrible about all this because he knows I am a good person and that he's being judgmental - that it's not so much I've changed as that his own goals and expectations have changed in the past couple years. The "financial infidelity" part came into it because he feels I'm not really investing in myself and our relationship - thus cheating on our future, in a sense. He also says he loves me enough to be honest (I do believe he isn't trying to be hurtful, I really had to drag this all this out of him). That he doesn't want us to drift apart further, that he doesn't want to be angry and resentful, and he knows he is asking for a lot. I know that many on this sub might say I should just tell him to take a hike and call my lawyer, but we've been married for 10 years, have invested a lot in the relationship, and I want to see if the marriage can be saved. So, a couple things. First, we did make an appointment with a marriage counselor and start next week. Also, I'm going to try to do at least some of the above. I'm not sure about making myself be more professionally ambitious when I'm already happy with my work-life balance and we're already financially very comfortable, but I can at least try doing the other things (return to spending more time on cooking and decor, and fix myself up a bit when he's on his way home from work) now that I know they are important to him. I also know that in the end, I may feel like I am just tiptoeing around and contorting myself to please him, but it won't cost me much (certainly much less than a divorce!) to try for a month or two and then see how we both feel. And I know I would always regret it if I didn't try. So, maybe not the update that you were expecting or hoping for, but that's where things are. And if folks continue to be interested, I can update further once we have started marriage counseling and once I can feel out how the changes are going. **EDIT:** I need to call it a night but once again thank you to everyone for your responses. They were really eye-opening and helped me to see that I do deserve better than the way I am being treated, and that the expectations my husband is laying out for me are unfair and unrealistic, especially as he isn't doing anything at all to make it easier for me to meet them or to show me he appreciates my efforts and everything I do bring to the table. I am indeed conditioned to be very people-pleasing and that is impacting what I think is reasonable here. I have a lot to think about, such as - what do I \*really\* want here? What is going to make me happy, especially if I have to keep making myself smaller (metaphorically speaking) and contorting myself to please my husband? Do I really want to be in a marriage under those conditions? I think I'm really selling myself short if I just agree to most of what he demands. Still going to go to the marriage counseling appointment but I think I will wait to make any other changes until we can at least get some professional input. **Additional Edit:** To clarify, my typical at-home attire/look that he has been complaining about looks something like this: [https://www.target.com/p/women-s-seamless-baby-t-shirt-joylab/-/A-87399931?preselect=87390237#lnk=sametab](https://www.target.com/p/women-s-seamless-baby-t-shirt-joylab/-/A-87399931?preselect=87390237#lnk=sametab) (This is NOT me but a similar look - fitted short-sleeved shirt, yoga pants, hair in a ponytail. Something that looks casual but neat. I am NOT wearing sloppy, baggy, sweatpants and oversized T-shirts!) ***Relevant Comments:*** *Many of OOP's comments (before her edit) are her explaining why she will do what her husband has 'requested.' Here is an example:* "Thanks! The things I am willing to do at the moment won't take very much in terms of time, and if they genuinely make him feel more appreciated and cared for they will absolutely be worth it. I want to show my husband that I am hearing him and taking his concerns and feelings seriously enough to at least \*try\* to make an effort in what he asked. If it doesn't work it doesn't and we can still separate a couple or few months down the road, but I would definitely regret not even trying." *More in depth of their relationship/what she does/what he feels (apparently):* "To answer your questions, yes, we each currently make about $200K, so $400K between the two of us. And yes, his concern is that he's going to get promoted to a much higher salary executive position (he's currently being mentored/trained for such a position, which will pay $500K+, and is due to be promoted in the next couple years if all goes well with the mentoring program) and I'll fall behind in earnings. Granted, we don't need the money for anything as we don't have debt of any kind, don't have and aren't planning on having kids, and already have close to $1 million in retirement savings with 30+ years left to work. But he's feeling like I'm going to be somehow riding his coattails? Taking advantage of him? Coasting while he just works harder and harder with longer and longer hours? All of the above I suppose. In terms of meals, yes, I do all the prep, cooking, tablesetting, and cleanup. I do actually really enjoy it and part of it is self-care for me, not just taking care of him. After all, I get to eat the food too! And as I work at home I usually make enough that I can have food for lunch the next day too. I know this doesn't seem fair and that others probably think he should contribute more - but it really doesn't bother me at all, as long as he does enjoy and appreciate it. In terms of work, I'm usually done by 5-6 pm and these days he doesn't get home until about 9 pm. So I wouldn't have to wear makeup and dressy clothes for work, I could just quickly change and fix my hair and makeup when he's on his way home. I don't think the clothes necessarily need to be designer - I can buy blouses/skirts and dresses at Target just as well as t-shirts and yoga pants. Or shop thrift stores or department store sales. I do agree that the women he is comparing me to probably don't wear fancy clothes and makeup at home! He's just seeing them in professional settings that require formal business dress. Anyway, I appreciate you saying I haven't done anything wrong here." *There is a difference between a preference and a boundary:* "It's true that he did use the word "boundary" in our conversation where he revealed his unhappiness with me. (As in, "I have realized it's a boundary for me to be able to come home to a nicely-dressed wife who has prepared a thoughtful meal.") And yes, I do realize that completely misuses the word "boundary."" Again, I am NOT the Original Poster. Please do not comment on the Original Posts as it is considered brigading. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1530ql7/further_update_husband_accused_me_of_financial/)**: July 18, 2023 (This came out a few hours after I posted the original BORU, so I edited into that post.)** Hi All...so I have an additional (and probably not very surprising) update to my saga. First post was here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pynpt/aitah\_husband\_accused\_me\_of\_financial\_infidelity/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pynpt/aitah_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/) (husband was furious that I spent $5K on a gaming computer, desk and chair even though we are high income earners in a great financial position and I used my own allotment of "fun money" within our established rules) Second post was here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x9o69/update\_husband\_accused\_me\_of\_financial\_infidelity/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14x9o69/update_husband_accused_me_of_financial_infidelity/) (husband told me he was actually upset that he feels I'm not professionally ambitious enough because I'm not on the "executive" track like he is, and that (despite my working full-time) he wanted me to cook fancier meals, set the table in a more elegant way, and dress up more for dinner - yes, like a 1950s housewife) So, the more I thought about it, the more his requests - demands, really - were sitting poorly with me. I decided to try a little experiment over the weekend to see what would happen if I tried to meet some of his demands. NOT because I actually thought they were reasonable, but because I increasingly had the sense that the goalposts would just keep moving and that I was playing a losing game. So, Saturday morning, I went to the salon for a glow-up (haircut, fresh highlights, mani/pedi) then went to the farmer's market to pick up fresh flowers for our table and assorted other gourmet ingredients. Saturday is usually our date night out but I suggested we stay in so I could make us a special dinner, steakhouse style (lobster bisque, bread basket with several types of rolls/savory muffins made from scratch, crab-stuffed mushrooms, filet mignon, au gratin potatoes, white chocolate mousse topped with raspberries). I wore a lavender (his favorite color on me) sheath dress and high heels and fully done hair and makeup. For all that I got a lukewarm "thanks, it was tasty" and a kiss on the cheek. Of course I did all the serving and cleanup. Sunday we usually go out but he suggested I make us brunch at home. So I made French-press coffee, mimosas with fresh-squeezed orange juice, Belgian waffles with a bananas Foster topping, eggs scrambled with parmesan and fresh herbs from our garden, roasted fingerling potatoes, and maple-glazed bacon. I wore a blue sleeveless sundress, wedge sandals, again did my hair and makeup. Again I got a "thanks, it's good" and no help with serving or cleanup. Afterwards I asked if this is what he had in mind when he critiqued me before. He said that it was a start, but that I was "acting very entitled for wanting credit for basic adulting." He then dropped a bomb that he was being so hard on me because he had realized lately I had a lot to make up for due to my being a "low-value woman." I asked what on earth he meant by that and he said it was because I wasn't a virgin when we met. WHAT?!?! Keep in mind we started dating at 21, neither of us claimed to be virgins or stated that as an expectation. Except for very religious people (neither of us is) I don't think most 21-year-old college students are virgins. I was upfront with him then that I'd had two previous partners, my high school boyfriend (we went our separate ways when we went to different colleges in different parts of the country) and another boyfriend I'd had my first year of college. And that's it, both committed relationships and nothing casual. He then went on to say that because of my low value, I was going to need to be making it up to him for the rest of my life. That I didn't deserve monogamy or equal treatment and that I was lucky that anyone at all wanted to marry me. And - that he's "connected" with someone from work so if I wanted to keep him I'd better step up. I told him it didn't sound like there was anything to keep if he no longer loved me (or even liked or respected me). Told him to leave and he said he would gladly go to his girlfriend's place. I know SO many people here insisted he was having an affair and I just didn't want to see it, that his "complaints" were really all part of a campaign to distance himself from me. I feel SO foolish for just thinking he was going through a stressful time at work or that he genuinely wanted to work on our marriage. Anyway I have taken the week off from work to get my head together. Have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. Canceled the marriage counseling appointment but got a referral to an individual therapist who can do an intake session with me later in the week. He (and the girlfriend apparently) are coming this evening to get more of his clothes and things so I have to brace myself for that. Also, please be assured I do NOT think I am low-value in any way. I let my husband make me think less of myself on some levels for a short time but now I truly see it was a "him" problem. Obviously we don't share the same goals and values and he has become someone I don't recognize. I know the divorce won't be fun or easy, but I will be okay. Thank you all for helping me see that I was being played before I wasted too much more time in a marriage that was already over. ***Relevant Comments:*** *One last gem from the 'husband':*Yes, it seems like he fell down a toxic masculinity hole at some point fairly recently. Retroactively punishing me for not being a virgin at the outset, after a 12-year relationship including 10 years of marriage, is just completely over the top. I even said, "So this person you connected with at work, is actually a virgin?" "Well, she WAS," he said, with a smirk. (So, virgin or not, someone who would sleep with a married colleague is higher-value than me? Unless he lied about his marital status/situation which I wouldn't put past him.)" "Yes, he admitted he has been having an affair for several months. He kept trying to say that "it doesn't really count as cheating" because I'm low-value so the standards are different." *A great commenting exchange here:* **Commenter:** A spouse who is having an affair starts criticizing aspects of the betrayed spouse's appearance, taste, upbringing, values, and background that were never an issue before he/she chose to stray as (in their warped perception) justification for cheating. I will bet you dollars to half moons (a bakery treat from my childhood home) that OOP's non-virginity was not a true problem for her STBX or he never would have married her. He simply latched onto it as rationalization for his outrageous demands (a deflection from his infidelity) because it's something that she cannot change. I would say that HE is the low value partner. **OOP:** Yes, this completely makes sense now. Initially he started criticizing things that had never been an issue before but that would hurt my feelings, but ultimately they were things I could change if I wanted to (my appearance, cooking/housekeeping effort, and even my career aspirations). When he found I \*did\* make a quick effort to change some of those things (appearance, cooking and housekeeping) he moved to criticizing something I cannot ever change, my sexual history, something he could hold over me forever if I stayed in the relationship. It's very clear now and scary how he was able to erode my self-esteem and confidence to the point that I actually believed a lot of his BS until he took it too far. **\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Newest** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/154x90a/additional_update_financial_infidelity/)**: July 20, 2023 (17 days from OG post)\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*** Hi All - I wasn't going to post another update (at least not this soon), but have gotten dozens of DMs/messages asking if I am okay and how things are going - so this is specifically in response to those who were checking in on me. To recap my story, I first posted a couple weeks ago that my husband accused me of financial infidelity after I spent $5K of my own "fun money" allotment on a gaming computer, desk and chair, even though my spending was within our agreed-upon rules; he subsequently "admitted" that he wasn't really upset about the gaming setup, but about what he perceived as a lack of professional ambition (I'm a senior software dev and we make the same salary at the moment), plus he wanted me to cook more elaborate meals, put more effort into home decor, and dress up more for him. Finally, about a week later he accused me of being "low value" due to not being a virgin when we met (at age 21 - neither was he - and he never once previously criticized that in our 12 years together) and told me he was having an affair with a younger coworker who had been a virgin (gross, I know). Then he moved out (and in with her). Folks have been asking me this week how things went with him picking up his stuff, meeting with my lawyer, etc. so wanted to share those updates for anyone interested. So, he was supposed to come get his stuff on Tuesday evening, a couple days ago, but told me at the last minute he couldn't because "Amy" (his girlfriend) wasn't feeling well. Some people called in the comments, but yes, she's pregnant apparently. He told me this on text so I have proof of the affair in writing now, it's not just his word against mine. Anyway I didn't want him to keep jerking me around on the schedule, for whatever reason, so I told him I'd pack his stuff for him and arrange for movers. I think it's better that way, I really didn't want him/them in the house. I already had arranged for a friend to come over on Tuesday when he and Amy were supposed to come by so the two of us spent the evening packing his clothes and other personal effects. The movers came yesterday and got the boxes and the furniture items he wanted. He didn't want much, just the stuff from his home office and his dresser, as apparently Amy's apartment is small. I provided a detailed inventory and photos of everything, which he approved, so he can't say that I broke or otherwise ruined his stuff. After that yesterday I went to the clinic to get STD tests (won't have the results for a week or so, but thankfully I haven't had any symptoms) and met with my lawyer, who said I had a good case for grounds of adultery and mental cruelty if I want/need to go that route (at a minimum it's leverage to get him to settle quickly and quietly). Also locked down all the finances within the parameters provided by the lawyer so that he can't empty our joint funds or take anything that belongs to me, changed account beneficiaries and all that fun stuff. Changed the locks to the house too. I decided to take the advice of some of the commenters and am getting rid of the bed and other bedroom furniture I shared with him (I'm donating it, someone is coming this afternoon to haul it all off) and am going to completely redecorate the bedroom to my own taste (that will take a bit, staying in one of the guest rooms in the meantime). I'm also taking a spa weekend away, leaving tomorrow morning and back Sunday night, just to get a change of scenery before I have to go back to work next week. And yes, even after buying the gaming setup, I have plenty of "fun money" left in my account to afford my lawyer's retainer and redoing the bedroom as well as my getaway, with plenty left over - here's to frugality when it counts! Those are the main updates for the moment. I'm doing better than expected, I think, and realizing more day by day that it really wasn't a good marriage, at least not for the last couple years when he started expecting me to do everything around the house, and all the other emotional labor of running our lives outside of work, with no help and little to no gratitude. Amy sure is going to have her hands full. **EDIT:** Once again, I cannot thank everyone here enough! I need to get ready for my spa weekend away :) so apologies if advance if I have not responded to your comment or DM, but I am really grateful for all the support and encouragement. Hopefully there won't be any more notable updates for a while - I really just want a smooth and easy divorce and to get on with my life - so please keep your fingers crossed for me! ***Relevant Comments:*** *The incoming child:* "Also, he was hard-core childfree before (I didn't want kids either, but he was especially militant about it). I mean, maybe he changed his mind, but it doesn't seem like this was exactly a planned pregnancy. Plus, he can't even be bothered to put his own laundry in the hamper or put a dish in the dishwasher - how is he going to deal with an infant? Anyway, not really my problem and I guess he'll figure it out (or not)." *Is he her superior at work?* "My understanding is that that they are peers (he isn't her boss) - I don't think it is against the rules for coworkers of the same level to date. At least not as some of our (well, his, really) friends met at work there and it wasn't an issue. So for that reason I think I'll stay out of it, especially as I do want him to stay gainfully employed until the divorce is completely final. Still, I agree it's awfully foolish to have an affair at work that results in a pregnancy while one of the people is still married. I mean, you can't hide that messiness, it's going to be physically obvious." *Further info on that:* "Right, it's probably going to cause some drama at the office but isn't fireable unless they do something even more foolish like getting caught in the act at work. (As far as I know nothing like that happened, when he was disclosing the affair the other day he said that he often went to her place after work when he was supposedly working late, and sometimes on Saturdays instead of playing golf.)" *How is a 24 year old making the same amount of money as your ex?* "They are both in an executive training program for fairly recent MBA graduates. Amy is apparently some sort of prodigy who got hers at 21. My STBX started out in supply chain management, then the company paid for his MBA which he finished a couple years ago, and after that he moved to the finance side and was accepted into the training program earlier this year." "She's 24, apparently graduated from college at 18 and got her MBA at 21. And he just got his MBA a couple years ago, was on a different business operations track before switching to finance."

Newest Updates: Husband accused me of "financial infidelity"

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15as4dt/newest_updates_husband_accused_me_of_financial/

15asjag

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/throwaway970012390. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole, r/Advice, r/TrueOffMyChest and his own profile. This is a **long, dark post.** Please read the trigger warnings and mood spoiler. **Trigger Warning:** >!drug use; suicide attempt; addiction; misandry; infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!depressing and frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12towpj/aita_38m_for_cutting_back_on_work_to_prove_a/)**: April 20, 2023** My wife is usually an angel of a woman, but has recently gotten into a friendship with a woman whom I personally believe is a bad influence on her, not in a patronizing way, more of a "lay down with dogs, get up with fleas" type of situation. I never said anything about her childishness or her very radical misandry, because frankly it doesn't effect me. Until it did. A few months ago my wife began pressuring me to do more around the house. Before I get an instant YTA. We already split chores and child care, admittedly, she had a bigger cut than I because she is a SAHM, but I do most of the cooking, breakfasts and Dinners, Lunch is her responsibility for her and the boys. I take out the garbage and I do laundry, and I deep clean the bathrooms once a week. I do also help with our boys homework and such. She insists that I am not doing enough and that I should be doing more around the house. I tried having discussions with her asking what she expected from me (namely all chores and child rearing should be my duty it seems) and for months it seemed to be going no where. She used the D word more than once when speaking on this which felt manipulative. It boiled over when we were out with friends one night, and she began talking about how I never helped out and how I use her as a house slave (her words). I will admit I saw red. This next part is where I may be the asshole. I didn't say anything that night but the next day I asked my boss to be given reduced hours for the next little bit, due to stress. And I took over everything in the house. I cooked Breakfast, and made lunch for the boys before I drove them to school, I cleaned the house top to bottom, I did every dish we had twice and so on. My wife was blindingly happy, and bragged to her friend that she finally had me "worn in". She Didn't lift a finger for around a month. Then she began asking why we never went on dates anymore and Complaining that she wanted to get her nails done as they were growing in. I explained that I had to take that out of our budget so we could continue to afford everything else, but we could absolutely have a movie night in, and I could paint her nails for her. She was unhappy with that solution, So I asked her if she would want to get a part time job to pay for either luxury's. You would have thought I asked if she wanted to join a cult. She then asked if I could Just pick up more shifts at work to cover her other expenses, and used the phrase "be a man". Which I found more than a little insulting. I then asked her if she would be willing to go back to splitting the chores and such? Which is when she began to catch on that the two were related. She yelled at me that I was being a manipulative asshole for doing this and even claimed it was financial "a word". I stood strong for a while but now I am questioning my methods, because even I feel what I did was a bit underhanded. so AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why are you still with her when she treats you like that?* "I love her. With everything I got. She’s an excellent mother, and honestly before she met this friend we were both blissfully happy to the best of my knowledge." *How did she suddenly notice that she wasn't getting her nails done or going out on dates? Did you block the credit card from everything but the grocery store?* "No, for one she has her own card, though we do only have one bank account. I set her nail and hair appointments, because she hates making phone calls, and she asked why I didn't take her out anymore. She could have spent from the card without saying anything I suppose but upon budgeting we would have been in trouble if 300+ was gone from a night out with friends." *More about his wife and their relationship:* "She had always wanted to be a SAHM before we got together, I try not to say this part because while her two boys are not mine biologically, they are my sons, but being a single mother was incredibly taxing for her, because working in the public was too much. I had a bit of experience with being a single father myself, I have a son of my own, but I was looking to advance my career, and was more than happy to take over the bills for a lessened load at home." *You're paying to raise another man's children:* "I do not like this comment. Those are my kids. No one else’s, and regardless of what happens with their mother ever, I hope those boys know that." *More about how things have changed:* "Oh god, I can tell you but it may be a bit mundane. When we first got married, she would give me shoulder and back massages everyday after work, and have my favorite music playing when I opened the door, even though she hates bluegrass. She would make my coffee while I was getting dressed. She made sure to pick up extra crunchy peanut butter from the store even though I’m the only person who likes it. We would have movie night twice a week with the kids and a date night to ourselves once a week. I have always had trouble sleeping, and I don’t want to take pills for it, so she always had the bed ready for me, a heating pad already turned on, and my pajamas on the bed. She would run her fingers through my hair until I fell asleep, and would wake me up herself instead of the alarm because she knew it put me in a better mood. None of which I asked for. She’s a good wife and wanted to because she knew that that’s what I liked, and she did it. She hasn’t done a 180, some of this is still true, af least it was until I cut down my hours, that was really when she stopped doing anything at all. And right now she’s pissed so I’m on the couch. Awake and regretful. Personally I think she’s stubborn. I don’t think she even really wants it. She just wants to prove that I would do it if she asks. She has a troubled history with men, and that’s why I tend to be forgiving when things do happen." *Troubled history with men?* "It’s not something I’m comfortable talking about. But believe me when I say. What happened, was not her fault." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/12znu7j/how_do_i_38m_explain_tohelp_my_sons_to_understand/)**: April 26, 2023 (6 days later)** **Title: How do I (38M) explain to/help my sons to understand their mother (30F) is going to Rehab.** I have never been in a situation like this. I am a former addict myself, but I didn't have children then. See my last post for more clarification, ***(editor's note- I tried several different engines and search tactics, but couldn't find any other "last post" besides the AITA one)*** but the gist of it is that my wife and I recently had a blowout argument where she admitted to using two substances for several months, and has agreed to get checked into rehab, which we are currently setting up now. How the HELL do I bring this up to them, without them being judgmental or hateful to their mother? Or worse, falling into the same mental space I am in? I don't want to lie to them, which is what my wife wants, but I am failing to see an alternative that won't destroy them or the respect they have for their mother. I am swimming blind here, and I have barely slept since this all came out. Any and all advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance. ***Relevant Comments:*** *I think it depends. What was she taking?* "klonopin and adipex that she was buying from her friend. She also admitted to having tried coke and several other prescription narcotics, but those were the only two she did often." *Was this the friend that turned her on to radical misandry?* "Yes. Though it’s come to light that it wasn’t misandry she was being taught but flagrant drug usage. I have told her that she goes no contact with this friend or else she will be facing divorce along with everything else." *How old are the kids?* 9, 12, and 14. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway970012390/comments/133xprp/i_yelled_at_my_wife/) **2: April 30, 2023 (10 days from OG post)** **Title: I Yelled at my wife** See my profile for details. But I was driving my wife to the rehabilitation center we decided on. On the way she was screaming at me. About how she can’t believe I’m humiliating her like this (explaining what was happening to the boys, and making her message her dealer/friend that they would not be hanging out or using together anymore) About how she doesn’t want to go, and that I am a controlling monster, and how threatening her with divorce and taking primary custody of the boys was too far and I was insane, and I just took it, and took it and took it, until I just couldn’t. And I screamed at her. I screamed that the woman I met would have rather died than had a pillhead junkie around her sons, and how she disgusted me, and that I don’t know if she knew how much I was considering leaving her not because of the addiction but the way she was fucking acting, like she hadn’t brought drugs into our home. Around me, a former addict myself, and around OUR BOYS. That I am beginning to hate her for doing that. That she was becoming exactly what she always cried about her mother being, and that she was lucky I was here to see it before what happened to her happened to her goddamned sons. It makes me sick to say but watching it sink in just how far she had spiraled felt good. Watching her realize that her actions have consequences was nice. She yelled a few more times, that I was an abusive asshole, or whatever, but she was still crying so I felt her heart wasn’t in it. I plan on speaking to a lawyer. I don’t want to divorce her, but I don’t know how healthy our relationship could possibly be after this. I know yelling like that was wrong, but I don’t feel bad. And that is the part that makes me think that maybe I shouldn’t be married to her anymore. For her sake and my own. I don’t know what else to do, and I’m so pissed that she detonated c-4 in every bit of our life. ***Relevant Comments:*** "I believe I’m going to have to divorce her. And it’s. Wrecking me. I don’t want to. I still love her, but I don’t know if I trust myself around her, and also not to use myself. I have been closer to relapsing this week than I ever have been." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway970012390/comments/13fk2ll/she_was_cheating/) **3: May 12, 2023 (12 days from last post, 3 weeks from first post)** **Title: She was cheating** Before you read, please know this is a vent post. I normally would never be like this but I am beyond okay and need to get this poison out of my head before I go anywhere else with it. She was fucking cheating. The drug dealing friend sent me fucking videos of her dancing and grinding on this ugly hick looking bastard. I am goddamned destroyed. The boys are staying with my mother for a few days, and I’m taking the next week off work. I am so done. I have never been so angry in my goddamned life. She was so goddamned smug sending it, “in case you don’t realize you’re replaceable to her.” well the free ride stops here. I hope she can get on Medicaid for her suboxone LMFAO. I'm done. I save the video immediately and I’m going to see a lawyer asap. I can’t tell anyone yet because I want to do this shit right. Thankful as FUCK my parents insisted on a prenup with what I at the time thought was an inhumane cheating clause. Never been cheated on before and I feel like tearing my goddamned hair out. I genuinely never thought she would turn out to be such a scummy piece of shit. I can not handle this. I am not physically able to handle this. I haven't been able to keep food down and I drank for the first time in over a decade last night. Then I woke up and had to pour the rest down the drain because I am about to spiral, and my boys don't need both mom and dad in rehab right now. I am so close to losing my goddamned mind. Also, believe what you want, but stop sending me private messages about how I should take down the posts or that posting about my personal relationship with my wife is wrong- please. Leave me be it will not work. This is the only place I can talk about this shit. **Latest Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/153p4xk/my_soon_to_be_exwife_is_in_the_hospital_after_a/)**: July 19, 2023 (3 months from OG post)** **Title: My Soon to be ex-wife is in the hospital after a suicide attempt, and I feel like a monster.** You can read my other posts for more context on what happened to get here, if you like, but the short of it is, I was blind to my wife’s addiction until she admitted it, and went to rehab, while she was in rehab, I was sent evidence that she had been cheating, often, and with more than one person. I have been working on filing for divorce, while she’s in rehab, not just for the cheating, but because with that on top of everything else, and myself nearly sinking back into my own addiction due to the stress of the situation, I couldn’t stand to even think of her anymore, and there’s no healthy relationship that has room for that mind set. I honestly didn’t want to be in a room with her again, to try mediation or counseling due to the fact that the last time I was alone with her I raised my voice, and at the time even felt she deserved it. (I of course now know that me doing that was terrible, and could be considered abuse, yet another reason I should not be in a relationship with this woman.) I moved all of her belongings to our guest room, minus the pills I found hidden in her beside table. I took pictures of those in their hiding spot then flushed them. I also removed her from my Bank account and credit cards. I spoke to my boys, explaining the situation without demonizing their mother to the best of my ability, and they seemed to understand I have no intention of abandoning them, and blood or not, they were my sons. Then she came home. The boys were, and still are away at camp, a birthday present paid for by my mother. She was quiet. Eyes on the ground after the moment I picked her up at the facility all the way home. Once we got home, I led her to the guest room silently, and she didn’t take it well, crying before she could even take the first step. Throughout the next couple weeks, I let her get settled, and though I stayed carefully neutral, I know she could tell something was coming, but I wanted to do be as fair as possible, and try to let her get used to being out before I said anything, as that was one thing I myself hated about when I left rehab, everything was flying at me so fast, I didn’t have time to breathe. Finally, I asked her to sit on the couch and I began explaining to her that I do not believe I can continue being married to her, and that I wanted divorce. I should have known her reaction was all wrong, she didn’t say anything at all, she only nodded, and cried quietly as I spoke, I explained that I did not intend to hurt her, but I could not be married to her anymore, and that maybe both of us should focus on being the best parents we can be. I told her I had no intentions of kicking her out, and that because of our prenup the divorce should be cut and dry, and she should be safe to begin looking for employment now, and once she has a job I will help her find an apartment. At this, she stood and walked to her room. I let her, because I thought she must have been overwhelmed, and this talk could wait. She didn’t come out at dinner time, and I weighed whether I should leave her alone or not. Eventually, I decided to knock on the door, and ask if she was hungry. Long story short. She had smuggled pills into my house somehow (or she had a stash I was unaware of), and had an overdose, and was dead for several minutes in the ambulance, and she’s in a medically induced coma, because the doctors aren’t sure exactly how much damage she’s done to her brain, from what they’ve said. I feel like an absolute monster. Like I am the scum of the earth. Like I should have just said nothing. Like I should have just dealt with it. Just. Held it in, and stayed. I am responsible for this and it kills me. I may not have the same love for her as I did, but I do feel so very sorry for everything she’s been through. It’s killing me. I haven’t told my sons yet, and I am debating waiting until they’re back from camp, so they can have a little more time without this on their minds on top of everything else. I am sorry for the grammar and such, I don’t have the energy to edit this, but wanted to get this off my chest. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Where's her family?* "Not my story to tell but she doesn’t have much family alive, and the ones who are she’s no contact with. She has other friends, but I don’t know which ones were enabling. They all know what’s going on, I messaged all her friends, except the dealer, though she knows now I know from messages she sent me. She hasn’t shown up to the hospital though, possibly because she thinks I would throw her out, which I would be tempted to do, to be entirely honest. A couple of her other friends visit all the time." "Yes, she’s no contact with her mother ironically because of her mothers addiction, and bad treatment of her. The rest constantly insisted she should see her mother, and two times even took her boys to her mothers house without her permission"*One more clarification on the kids:* "Yes, because all of our children are from previous relationships. I have adopted the two eldest, who aren’t mine biologically." *Why he did it at that point:* "I wanted to do it while she’s in rehab, but my therapist told me to reconsider so I did. I was so angry when I found out about the cheating I wanted to take her belongings to her dealers house and leave them there, but I knew that was wrong. I knew that once my anger wore off I would regret it. So now all I want to get the divorce started and overwith as soon as possible, so that I can begin trying to pick up the pieces and move on with my life. On top of that? I didn’t want to lead her on, and I could tell that she knew something was coming because I can’t even stand her touching me anymore, it makes me physically ill. If I had known she was going to kill herself I could have closed my eyes and grit my teeth, and let her do whatever, but honestly even now, after what she did, I know that isn’t feasible for me. I still found myself wanting to start fights, to yell, and I know that I am not a strong enough person to be in a relationship with someone who hurt me that much, who disrespected me, my home, and my children that much, who took my own past experiences with drugs into account so little that she brought them into my home, directly under the nose of myself and my children (pun intended). This is as much kindness as I can afford to extend to her anymore for my own mental healths sake." ***One more comment from OOP as of July 24 (not really an update but including it here)*** "Not awake yet, I took the advice of some of the commenters, and went to go get my boys, to see if they wanted to see their mother, I explained the situation to the best of my ability, age-appropriate, and asked if they wanted to see her, they all agreed to see her eventually, but the eldest only wanted to go to support his brothers. I'm concerned about the anger he is building towards his mother, and I do intend to talk to him about it, but I also don't want to tell him how to feel, or tell him that his feelings are bad and wrong, I was already working to get them into therapy, but I'm going to expedite that." **Edited to add a bit more info from the comments:** "Two of my three sons are stepsons, but I adopted them, (they never had a father due to their bio dad being an absolute piece of shit) My biological son is the youngest and was born to a girlfriend who is not in the picture and doesn’t want to be. My sons are 9, 12, and 14. She had two jobs when I met her, though though were both shit jobs, and I had been looking into finding her a better one. When it comes to the dealer, she was getting the drugs from her friend who is a woman, and a few of the men who she cheated with." "There have been multiple pictures/videos of her dancing on/being inappropriate with men since that post. I haven’t blocked the friend because she sent me a large amount of proof of infidelity, for the divorce. And in that post the hick she was dancing on was a man, perhaps you are confused because her woman friend sent the video? Perhaps my wording was bad, I apologize. And yes. I do know that trauma is the gateway to addiction, as I am an addict and my own CSA from my uncle and general abuse from both my parents (we went to counseling during my rehab and our relationship is much better now, but growing up was very bad). I cant say I know what made her start using, but I can say I know she had a rough childhood and even worse teen years. Editing to add; regardless of sexual identity if I found out my wife was engaging in sexual acts with women I would also consider it cheating?" "She was doing other sexually inappropriate things. But no, I didn't get any straight up sex tapes. I would rather not go into it further, but I think you can get my drift."

AITA (38M) For Cutting Back On work To Prove A Point To My Wife (30F)?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15asjag/aita_38m_for_cutting_back_on_work_to_prove_a/

15asrxl

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Honest_Sky_7765 **I just blew up at my family and I have honestly never felt better** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14d1a7i/i_just_blew_up_at_my_family_and_i_have_honestly/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 19, 2023** For some background, I (25M) am the only male in my family, not including my son and nephews. Over the years I have often been the forgotten one in the family or the one who is expected to just give things up for others (however more often recently, it has been the constant need for favours, from building furniture, to sorting out different technology to being the adult figure at an event for the younger ones due to them being unable to make it). For example, when growing up, I would often be left home alone while the others in my family went out for meals or for a 'girls day', once also being left with other family members so that they could go on holiday without me. Or I would be expected to take my dad's old clothes (he lived separately from my mom) while my sisters got brand new everything, from clothes, to big trips to having their prom entirely paid for while I had to stay home during my prom. So onto what caused me to blow up. Yesterday was Father's day, as mentioned, I have a son myself, and since I am the only male, I am also the main male role model for my nephew. I do not wish to sound whiney, but this is now the fourth year in a row that I have been completely forgotten about, I'm a simple person so I do not expect nor like big celebrations or gifts, I just wanted a simple message saying happy fathers day. Now I would usually be able to ignore this and move on however Mothers day in our family has always been a huge event, with constant gifts, meals etc. Wishing for a simple message seemed so small in comparison so I didn't feel like I was asking too much. It was not as if they had completely forgotten about it, as various members of the family posted about fathers day, including little posts for those who have unfortunately passed away or are no longer part of the main family unit (like my father). So this ended with me blowing up at my family for constantly asking me for favours and to make sacrifices when I cant even get the smallest bit of acknowledgement in return. Honestly I said a lot of things that I have been holding in for the longest time and I don't think I have ever felt better getting it off of my chest Edit: First off, I would like to say thank you for all of the support, it genuinely does mean a lot. As for what some people have been asking, I have tried to talk to my family in the past about feeling like I have been treated unfairly, communication isn't my strong point (I was diagnosed with high functioning autism or Aspergers just last year) and it has always resulted in my family, mainly my mother and sister, accusing me of lying or misremembering stuff. As for the blow up, it resulted in my mother lying about getting me something every single year (not true as I keep absolutely everything that has anything to do with my son or fathers day) and then trying to make me feel guilty for being angry, followed by her quickly leaving the family group chat. My sister however quickly jumped in and started trying to belittle me as a father and defend my mother. Followed by removing me from the group chat before I could reply. The only one on my side in all of it is my grandmother, who is the only one to treat me fairly. Overall both my sister and mother completely missed the point I was trying to make and acted like I had asked for a huge celebration for me when all I had said was that I give a lot to the family, it would have been nice to get a simple message from them. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **okileggs1992** >Hugs, it took long enough, and when they keep calling tell them "NO" that you have better things to do (like to hang out with your child), they want you to babysit their kids "NO" I'm busy. You are a parent, you do not need to fill the role of anyone for free labor. **OOP replied** >Thank you for this, unfortunately in the past when I have told them no it has lead to me being repeatedly shouted at or guilt tripped or just completely ignored for weeks * **autopath79** >What specifically did you say when you blew up? Did you blow up to everyone all at once? Was it in person? What was their reaction? **OOP replied** >We have (more accurately now, had) a family group chat. Just after midnight on fathers day I sent a simple message in there telling everyone that I will no longer be doing people favours, when asked why, I simply asked them what day it was. This was followed by my mother claiming not to have had Internet connection all day, despite sharing things on Facebook throughout the day. And claiming to have gotten me something every year, which is just completely not true as ever since my son was born, I have kept anything to do with him in various memory boxes, from cards, to gifts, to little school things he has done. This was followed by me calling her out personally in the chat for not making any effort with me for years, pointing out that she has messaged me twice this year and visited my house 3 times in the last 3 years but then always expecting me to make constant effort for her or do favours (we live less than 10 minutes apart) My mother then left the chat and hasn't messaged me since. My sister then jumped in and started saying I was being unfair by calling out my mother and tried to belittle me, and then quickly removed me from the group chat before I could reply [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14f3yum/update_i_blew_up_at_my_family_and_have_honestly/) **June 21, 2023** For those who have seen my last post, I thought I'd give you an update. Following me blowing up at my family, I received multiple messages either belittling me, playing the victim or calling me unfair. So after a lot of people giving me the same advice, I have decided to cut them out of my life, mainly my mother and sister. I'm still in contact with my grandmother and younger cousins as they have genuinely done nothing wrong and have been on my side. However my mother has decided to be petty, in our family, each of us pays for a different streaming service and share the accounts. My mother decided to change the password to her account and kicked me off of it, so I have done the same with the service that I pay for (I will however be logging my cousins and grandmother back into it but not revealing the password) So yeah, I've cut off the ones who would make me feel worthless and they've decided to be petty in return. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I just blew up at my family and I have honestly never felt better

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15asrxl/i_just_blew_up_at_my_family_and_i_have_honestly/

15asu63

Originally posted by u/recent_exit1536 in r/AmItheAsshole on July 15, '23 updated on July 15, '23. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14zc8k7/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_the_wedding_gift/)** July 15, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for not giving my sister the wedding gift she wanted because of how she treated my girlfriend?** My girlfriend Naomi and I have been together for over a decade. My younger sister, Sarah, ans my girlfriend have never been super close but are friendly when we get together, or I guess they were. When Sarah was in high school Naomi helped her out with some personal things. Sarah got married a few days ago. When Sarah announced her engagement to the family she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid, which surprised us a little but Naomi was very excited because she's never gotten to do it before and probably won't have the chance. I want to be clear there was no suggestion from either of us Sarah should ask her, it was about two seconds after she told us she was engaged. She said that she was so grateful to Naomi for the help when she was younger and Naomi was very touched. A few weeks later Sarah posts her "bridesmaid proposals brunch". Naomi wasn't there. Sarah never said it to either of our faces directly but clearly she'd changed her mind. Naomi was hurt but said she understood because she hadn't expected the ask anyway. That would have been fine, but then a few months later Sarah asks Naomi to go to the batchelorette party and also come get ready the day of with her friends and bridesmaids. Same thing, Naomi says yes and even helped her find a good place to go and a rental. A month and a half before the wedding I'm talking to my mom on the phone and she mentions that Sarah's at her batchelorette... no mention of it to Naomi. Now I'm kind of pissed because Naomi was clearly very hurt at two invites and then being sort of ghosted. A week before the wedding Naomi texted Sarah and asked about getting ready and hair and makeup, and Sarah responds acting confused and basically tells her nicely to just come with me. Then I was really pissed. Sarah wanted this really expensive baking mixer thing for a long time and I got it for her for her wedding gift. My mom had ruined the surprise so she expected it. But after everything with Naomi I felt like being petty, and I cut her a check instead and returned the mixer. A few days after the wedding Sarah texts me saying "I don't know how to ask this but what happened to the mixer". And I responded I didn't know how to ask but what happened to treating my gf like a freaking human being. Now my brother and my new brother in law and my mom are all texting me saying "wtf" and that I'm ruining her happy time. Naomi for her part says I probably shouldn't have done that but she feels a little vindicated. AITA &nbsp; *In the comments:* >I am very confused about your sister's motivation on all this though. Does she have a vendetta against your girlfriend and is using the occasion to try to hurt her? Is she very absent-minded and keeps forgetting who she inviting? Is it possible that your girlfriend offended your sister in some way after the invites? I think having an actual talk with her might be a better way to resolve this issue. OP: I genuinely don't know. We've never been super close, see each other three or four times month at family get togethers, but we've always gotten along fine, and I've never known my sister to be a mean person before this. Naomi says benefit of the doubt, she overpromised the bridesmaid spot but then realized she didn't want as large number, Bachelorette party was a genuine mistake and makeup and hair was a miscommunication or misunderstanding on Naomi's part but I don't know how. It's very odd and I'm asking my mom to explain it to me and she just says she doesn't want to bother my sister about it now and we should all act like adults >Do you have independent knowledge of all this or is everything you've told us according to your GF only? OP: I was there in person both times she asked her. *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reveddit.com/v/AmItheAsshole/comments/14zc8k7/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_the_wedding_gift/)** July 15, '23 - 12 hours later &nbsp; **UPDATE:** So I talked to Sasha and things just got more confusing. She said when she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid she meant an "honorary" bridesmaid. She then said for the Bachelorette party Naomi had told her she works most weekends so she didn't think that Naomi was able to attend and was just helping her to plan. Naomi said that she told Sarah to give her dates so she could take off. Naomi is a very non confrontational person and had asked me to not bring up the bridesmaid or Bachelorette things because she didnt't want ro feel like she was "pushing in" at the time which is why I didn't. The makeup thing my sister said that Naomi had told her she would do her own hair so she didn't see a reason for her to come get ready with them. My sister is still pissed at me and says I ruined her honeymoon period (she's not on a trip) and some other really crappy stuff so I just hung up on her. She also said that not giving the mixer was rude to her and her husband which is hilarious because my BIL probably figure out how to turn on the oven without neon flashing signs. Thanks for all the comments I've never seen that many on any reddit post I've ever made in my life. *And because I know some of you will wanna know what kind of mixer the bride wanted:* >I’m just surprised you are still talking to your sister after she treated her like utter crap. NTA. >btw, if it’s the kitchenaid stand mixer, everyone puts it on their registry, but probably only half of them have ever actually used it OP: It was an Arkanium or something and she probably would cause she bakes a lot. But yeah I'm not talking to her right now anymore. *Thanks to u/typhoidtimmy, we know it is an Ankarsrum Original Stand Mixer, which goes for $749.95* &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as OP has tried to talk to his family and sister just keeps making excuses & shifting blame* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for not giving my sister the wedding gift she wanted because of how she treated my girlfriend?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15asu63/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_the_wedding_gift/

15ayuc0

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Bandor_the_Green **in** r/povertyfinance trigger warnings: >!possible financial abuse!< mood spoilers: >!positive things are looking up, communication for the win!<   [I can't get my wife on the same page as me financially and it's so emotionally draining.](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/15321z0/i_cant_get_my_wife_on_the_same_page_as_me/) \- 18th July 2023 **Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)** FYI, I chose "Vent" because this is mainly venting and it seemed the best flair, but I would not mind advice if anyone has experiences to share. Also, disclaimer that YES I understand marriage and budgeting is a two way street and that I need to be more firm about our finances. I am more venting about how hard it is to get my wife to follow the budgets we establish than I am complaining about not being able to actually create the budget. I don't want to treat her like a child and lock my card or ask her to see receipts every time she goes out for groceries or something. &#x200B; I (30m) cannot for the life of me get my wife (32f) to see eye to eye with me on finances and it drives me absolutely up the wall. It has been an issue for years, and no matter what I say or try and do budget-wise it always seems to fall apart and we end up scraping to make ends meet... barely. She grew up in real, actual poverty (experienced no-shelter homelessness at a very young age, even, and has memories of it), and so it just flabbergasts me that she does not try and reign things in more when it comes to spending. We have children of our own and I know she doesn't want that for them, but I don't know where the disconnect is happening between her acknowledging that we need to be more frugal, and her spending money on stuff we do not need. &#x200B; Before all the crazy inflation in the past couple of years it wasn't so bad. It was annoying, definitely, but not lifestyle threatening. Now we are balanced so precariously on the knife's edge that it has begun stressing me out to unhealthy levels. We can't live like we did 4 years ago and I can't get through to her about just HOW frugal we have to be. Tell your mom friends that NO we can't get ice cream from the fancy ice cream place after going to the beach. NO we can't spend the gas to drive 45 minutes to the aquarium and then buy tickets. Etc. &#x200B; These past few months have been especially trying, and these past few weeks even more so. I have had to take out a loan against my 401k to keep us off the streets. We have borrowed hundreds of dollars from my mom and sister, and over one thousand dollars from one of her friends to help pay rent and bills since May. But she still buys 2-3 gas station tall boy IPAs almost every night, and goes through 2-3 packs of cigarettes every week. On the low end she spends $150/month on those vices, and on the high end it's almost $300. &#x200B; She just got some free VIP tickets to some party that one of her friends invited her to, and she wants to go. I want her to be able to go, I want her to go have fun and do happy things with her friends and feel like a grown up and her own person, I know she needs it (SAHM, works part time from home and does delivery services like Uber Eats on nights). I'm not an asshole, I want her to go! But she wants to go and buy a new outfit to go, and she wants spending money for drinks while she's there... and we owe family and friends damn near two thousand dollars from helping make ends meet last month, and I'm still not sure how we're even going to make ends meet this month! My mom and sister invited me to go see Oppenheimer on release night with them (for free, they were going to buy my ticket) and I declined so that my wife could work Uber Eats that night. I'm a huge history fan and really want to see that movie, especially in IMAX like they invited me to see it in, but I'm putting our finances and our family first like I always have to do. &#x200B; There is just always some emotional reason attached to expenses and I end up feeling like a dick for even bringing up "Hey maybe we shouldn't...XYZ" Like we'll do the budget, and I mean bare minimum "this will keep the lights on, a roof over our head, and gas in the cars" budget, and still end up in the red, "Whelp we've got to figure out where that $200 is coming from to make this work," and she still wants to spend extra money on stuff we just don't need and I can't take it anymore and I don't know what to do. &#x200B; I don't want to live like this forever. I feel the stress in my gut. It hurts my abdomen sometimes. &#x200B; EDIT: Thank everyone for your replies. I appreciate everything being shared. &#x200B; EDIT AGAIN: Wow this blew up. For the newcomers, since people are curious, after taxes (between the two of us) we make \~$5k a month. I make $3400-$3800 of that myself. "After taxes," on her contribution, is not counting the year-end taxes we'll have to pay for her Uber Eats money, and she has to spend some of the money she makes doing that on gas. &#x200B; Thanks everyone for your responses. I can't keep up with them but I am reading as many as I can.   **Top Comment** &#x200B; *I had a partner that did this to us, effectively nickel and diming us to death. Finally we agreed to allowances. 1 joint account and 2 personal accounts. Money was split into each account every payday and that was it. Everything personal came out of it- which for him was energy drinks, smokes, video games, etc. if he didn’t have money for smokes a week before payday, that was on him. It was great because it forced him to deal with his own spending and took the pressure off me to have to run around scrambling to cover his costs. The joint account stayed at home and was ONLY used for joint expenses like groceries and bills. And no, he wasn’t allowed to sneak in his vices on the grocery budget. I’m sure he did occasionally but overall the separate accounts really helped get our spending under control.*   [UPDATE: I talked to my wife.](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/154p8fj/update_i_talked_to_my_wife/) \- 20th July 2023 **Flaired - Success/Cheers** Using "Success" because while I know we have a long hard road ahead of us, I talked to my wife last night and it was a complete short-term success. I think our conversation had the absolute best possible outcome. I want to thank everyone who shared their stories, experiences, and advice. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to try and help. Sorry I couldn't get to all of you, it was a lot. &#x200B; We talked about everything. Her trauma from her childhood, her drinking, her smoking, our finances, the money borrowing, our kids, and our future together (or otherwise). There was crying, there was hugging, there were apologies on both sides. She really opened up about her past and admitted that she identifies with the "poverty mindset" a lot of you mentioned. &#x200B; I kept "blame" out of the conversation, and used lots of "we" instead of "you." I told her that I believe in us and our future together, that I love her and want this to work, but that I do not believe in the path we are on right now, and that I can't live like this. I told her that I firmly believe we make enough money to live comfortably and save, but that we have to be more firm on budgeting or we will never achieve our goals. &#x200B; We spent a long time talking and it ran pretty late into the night, so this evening we're going to sit down together again and take another look at my budget spreadsheet and update it. We are going to have bi-weekly budget catch-ups (her idea!), and we'll see what happens from here. &#x200B; Thanks again everyone who was supportive and gave more advice than "divorce her."   **Top Comment** *Nice job, OP. I wish you and your wife success!! I think Reddit often forgets how amazing it is when two adults sit down and genuinely communicate with one another.* &#x200B; Flaired as Concluded as it seems they have a plan to fix things. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP can't get his wife on the same page as himself financially and it's so emotionally draining.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ayuc0/oop_cant_get_his_wife_on_the_same_page_as_himself/

15b4d4o

**I am not the OP. That is u/justapearlyshell. Originally posted in r/TwoHotTakes** &nbsp; Mood spoiler: >!overall positive!< &nbsp; [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13zni2f/aita_for_overstepping_and_embarrassing_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) *posted on June 3, 2023* **AITA for overstepping and embarrassing my boyfriend’s cousin at her birthday party?** I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend, Ben (22M) for three years now. Ben and his cousin Rachel (20F) are extremely close. Their moms are sisters, and both single moms, so they were practically raised together. Ben usually treats her like his little sister and is very protective of her, but they’re also just best friends and do everything together. I’ve known Rachel for years as we went to high school together, but we were never in the same circle of friends until I started dating Ben, which is when my best friend, Jess (21F), and I became part of their tight knit group. Jess and Rachel didn’t really get along in high school but have since been able to become pretty good friends. Rachel and I aren’t particularly close. I like her a lot and wish we were as close as she and Jess currently are, but she doesn’t seem to like me very much. I know that because she’s told me off several times - one time on vacation she told me off after Ben and I had a little argument over where to eat dinner, Rachel told me I was being whiny and annoying. She’s done this in front of their moms, and constantly makes little remarks when we’re with friends. Ben doesn’t see much wrong with it because to him, she’s treating me the way she would treat a sister, and he finds it endearing that she ‘teases me’ the same way she does to him, which is what I try to believe as well. Last week, Ben threw Rachel a surprise birthday party. I helped him plan and we both split the cost for anything we had to buy for it. I knew from Jess that Rachel had been talking to this guy who she really liked, so I thought it would be nice if I invited him as well as our friends. Fast forward, Rachel was surprised and the party was going great. We were getting along pretty well which made me happy. We were all drunk when the guy Rachel liked arrived with a friend. I greeted them at the door and walked with them over to Rachel in an attempt to kinda wingman for her. Rachel was talking to Jess, facing away from us, and as we get closer we realize she’s drunkenly telling Jess how much she likes the guy I invited *and* the friend he brought and doesn’t know what to do, and then began comparing her hookups with both of them in *great detail*. Jess tried to get her to stop talking several times but she was too drunk realize, and I was frozen awkwardly as these two guys heard the entire thing. When Rachel finally turned around she looked mortified. She went over to Ben and began telling him what had just happened. Rachel and asked him why he would even invite them, and he told her I must’ve invited them since he didn’t. Before I could even get any words out, Rachel began going off at me saying I embarrassed her and put her in an uncomfortable situation, and that now she wouldn’t be able to enjoy her party amongst other things. I felt so bad that I couldn’t get any words out and basically just let Rachel go off at me until Jess pulled me away. Jess told me she agreed that I embarrassed Rachel and it was shitty of me to not try and stop her. I explained myself but she said it wasn’t my place to invite them to begin with since I wasn’t in the loop about Rachel’s love life and it would be best if I kicked them out and left as well, so I did. It’s been a week since the party and Rachel hasn’t spoken to me. Jess thinks I should apologize to Rachel for embarrassing her at her party. I feel bad about this whole situation but I can’t help but feel like it’s unfair as I was only trying to bond with Rachel and didn’t intentionally embarrass her. I feel I’m owed an apology as well since I basically helped plan and pay for the party and got kicked out before even being given an opportunity to be heard. &nbsp; *Notable comment:* >*Commenter*: INFO. You said you wanted to be her (unsolicited) wingman. So why didn’t you loudly say something like “hey Rachel, look who’s here” the moment you realised Rachel was talking about these guys. Standing there, doing nothing and letting Rachel embarrass herself is not being a good wingman. It’s not very nice. >I also wonder, did you ever spoke to Rachel about the guys in person? Or did you only invited them based on what you heard from Jess? Did you tell anyone, e.g. you boyfriend or Jess, that you invited these guys over to Rachel’s party and to check with them if Rachel would really like that? To me it seems like you had a perfect story in your head: you invite Rachel’s crush, she’s was going to be very happy about it and you were going to be her hero. But that’s about you, not about Rachel. It’s not very nice to invite people over that the birthday girl doesn’t want to invite. >I think you meant well, but you seriously overstepped. Crossing boundaries is AH territory. Just because you helped organise and partially paid for the party (your own choice, no one asked you to) doesn’t mean you get a free pass when you do a shitty thing. Even if it wasn’t intentionally, you need to take responsibility for your own actions. >And I think you need to accept that you and Rachel just don’t match that well. Stop trying to make her like you. >>*OOP*: I get very nervous around large groups of people and it doesn’t help when I’m also under the influence. Yes, I invited them and didn’t tell Ben as I didn’t want to expose her love life details to him since he is essentially her big brother. I also didn’t mention it to Jess either, and I can see why I should’ve done that in retrospect and definitely agree that this was an oversight on my end. I should’ve discussed it with her further to better understand the situation and judge whether or not to invite him based off of that. However, we planned this pretty last minute so that’s why I kind of acted on impulse and thought it would make her happy. >>Yes, I did try and wingman her by bringing them over to greet her, I thought it would be the nice thing to do considering this was a surprise party and I was the only one who knew they were coming, I thought she’d be happy to see her crush and didn’t expect her to be saying the stuff she was saying. When I registered what was going on, I froze because I’m already anxious as is and coupled with the alcohol and circumstances I wasn’t sure what to say or do, though it all happened very fast so I’m not sure I could’ve truly done anything to stop her in the moment. She was drunk and rambling, it happened too fast and even Jess wasn’t able to get her to understand her signals to stop. >>Yes, I did want to do something nice for her by inviting someone I know she likes and I felt that it would help us bond in the long run, unfortunately it didn’t turn out that way. I didn’t know she wouldn’t want him there as Jess had told me about her relationship with him, so I was under the impression she would be happy to see him. I only didn’t mention anything about him attending because I was unsure how many people knew about their relationship as it was seemingly new. I was also unaware he was bringing his friend, much less that his friend was also involved with Rachel. >>Yes, I did help organize the party (Ben asked me to help) and yes, I did offer to split the cost with him - I wanted to relieve him of some of the financial burden since we’ve been together for a few years and had planned on moving in together next year - but also because I know how hard he works and his situation, and I know how much he wanted this party to be perfect for her so I offered to help in any way I could. >>I’m not asking to be excused from or to evade responsibility over doing ‘a shitty thing’. I’m upset that my efforts were counterintuitive, and I’m upset that none of it turned out the way I expected it to. I’m upset that now my situation with Rachel has become worse, and that on top of being kicked out from the party I have also not been given a chance to be heard and communicate my intentions to her. >>I can accept if she doesn’t like me, that’s not an issue. It makes me sad as I do like her and wish we could have a good relationship, but I can’t force her to like me if she doesn’t. We don’t have a lot of things in common, but neither do her and Jess, so I know that whether our personalities match or not we could get along if there was a mutual effort for that. >>Like I mentioned, I’m very anxious in social settings and I think that could potentially play a part in mine and Rachel’s disconnect, since she is a very outgoing, extroverted, charismatic and social person. I wish I would’ve taken the time to think a little more about how this could’ve played out before inviting him, but I believe I allowed my desire to connect with her to cloud my judgment - nevertheless, I am realizing now that I shouldn’t have to try this hard to connect with her and that I should be given at least an opportunity to explain my end of it before being shut out. I haven’t been given a fair chance and I think that’s the main issue I’ve realized now. There’s a lot more to my relationship with her that I didn’t mention as it doesn’t pertain to this situation but taking all of this and all of the other comments into account, I think there’s a lot more to repair and a lot of growing that the both of us have to do individually in order to find a middle ground; though I’m questioning whether I’m even open to that now. >>**Edit: Also just to clarify, the guy I invited and the friend he brought are both part of our extended group of friends, and that’s another reason why I didn’t think anything of it when I invited him. I didn’t track down her crush and invite a random stranger. I also didn’t *tell him* I was inviting him *because* he’s her crush. Adding this because I realize there’s some confusion about that.** &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/140suhu/update_aita_for_overstepping_and_embarrassing_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) *posted on June 4, 2023* **UPDATE - AITA for overstepping and embarrassing my boyfriends cousin at her birthday party?** Firstly I would just like to thank everyone who commented on my post for taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts with me. I didn’t expect my post to get as much traction as it did, I read through some of the comments last night and realized just how much there was to this situation that I didn’t think about. I do have updates that I’d like to share with you since you’ve all helped me through this. **Bare with me, this is gonna be long (apologies in advance).** The following took place last night: 1. I reached out to Rachel and spoke with her. I sent her a big text explaining my side of the situation and tried to clarify what had happened. *I didn’t apologize,* and I expressed my feelings regarding our relationship as well as the incident at the party. She was not very receptive and was not open to accepting responsibility over her own behavior. She said that I crossed a line, and even said she believes I *“embarrassed her intentionally.”* She thinks I invited them knowing about her situation *(apparently Jess was actually aware of that detail)* and invited them both in an attempt to humiliate her as ‘payback’ for all the incidents we’ve had in the past (basically, her treating me like ass.) 2. I spoke to Jess as well. I reached out to her and expressed how I felt regarding her kicking me out of the party that I was essentially cohosting, as well as how I felt towards her basically throwing me under the bus and enabling the situation between Rachel and I to get much worse. She was *also* not very receptive. I was surprised by that since we’ve been best friends for years and never had any issues within our friendship. It was clear she was completely on Rachel’s side, and not only that, but also apparently shares Rachel’s dislike of me, Rachel’s belief that I planned this entire ordeal to intentionally humiliate Rachel, and thinks I tried to create a conflict between herself and Rachel as well. They both have said they believe I should apologize (now to both of them) and said they are not comfortable with being around me until I do. (lol, sorry that’s just laughable) 3. I spoke to Ben, about everything. I told him about this post, we read through some of the comments and we talked about this entire situation. He said he wanted to be aware of everything that was going on so he was with me while I texted with Rachel, and listened to my conversation with Jess on the phone. He apologized to me for not intervening sooner, for not leaving the party with me and also for not realizing that Rachel’s behavior towards me was beyond ‘sisterly teasing’. He took full responsibility for not hearing me and not validating my concerns whenever I addressed them. He reassured me that he’ll be speaking to Rachel about her behavior and setting firm boundaries, and promised to do whatever he can to make sure I feel comfortable and safe within our relationship, which was such a huge relief after everything that happened. **there’s *something else* he shared with me yesterday too, and this was honestly the one thing I was *not* expecting—** Apparently, a few days ago, Ben, Rachel, and Jess were hanging out at Rachel’s. He said Rachel didn’t want to invite me and neither did *Jess*, and that he found it odd that they were verbalizing that to him. What he found the *most* odd though was *Jess’* behavior towards him. He said he felt uncomfortable and in the moment didn’t want to assume *she was flirting with him,* but ended up leaving and after witnessing our conversation felt he should share this with me as he’s starting to think there’s potentially more to it. **Moving onto today, literally a few hours ago,** Ben came to see me and told me Rachel stopped by his place. He spoke with her and addressed everything he said he would. Her response to him was pretty much the same as her response to me. *Shockingly enough though,* she also told him she thinks he shouldn’t even be dating *me* to begin with, told him she’s no longer going to ‘pretend to support our relationship’ and that he’d make a much better match with *Jess.* She ended up confessing to him that Jess has developed some feelings for him which is what brought them closer, and she’s talked with Jess about how much better suited they’d be than Ben and I. He shut it down immediately and came straight over to tell me about it. We’ve decided that we’re gonna distance ourselves from the friend group and cut ties with Jess. He’s already blocked her on everything (I didn’t even ask him to) and left the group chat we all had together. I’m heartbroken to learn that my best friend would do something like this, but kinda starting to think she was never my best friend after all though it still hurts to lose the only best friend I’ve ever had. I haven’t spoken to her about this yet and tbh I don’t think I’m going to, I don’t wanna waste any more energy with such awful people. Ben’s been extremely apologetic and feels really bad about the role he inadvertently played in all of this as well as the way Rachel has been treating me, which to me is a good sign and has been very relieving. He’s an amazing guy and I’m so happy to see that I was right in thinking that all this time. He also respects my decision to cut ties with Rachel and has agreed to discuss further what kind of boundaries we will be putting in place going forward in terms of the family dynamic. He even spoke with his mom about all of this after our talk to make sure she’s in the loop regarding our boundaries as well as Rachel’s behavior. She was very understanding about it and they both even insisted on paying me back what I spent on the party, but I don’t wanna accept because their support is more than enough. With all of that said, it’s only been a day so I’m not sure how this will all play out in the long run; I’m still very overwhelmed by the turn of events but nonetheless I’m glad I came here yesterday. If I hadn’t, I don’t think I would’ve gotten the courage and confidence to confront this situation the way I did. I’ve also decided to start therapy again for my social anxiety and to hopefully fix some of the self esteem issues that I’ve been avoiding for a while, which is something I’m really happy and proud about, and I have to thank you all for helping me realize I needed that help. Sorry for all my rambling and for this extremely long update lol. Thank you all again for each piece of advice, each perspective, all the words of encouragement, and even harsh but necessary reality checks. I appreciate it all. **Edit: Hi everyone. I just wanna say I keep reading through these comments and I’m so overwhelmed by the amount of support, guidance, kindness, and positivity that you’ve all been sharing. I’m pretty emotional right now, but it fills me with joy knowing there are so many kind people on here who have taken their time to share such beautiful words with me. I’m reading through all of these and I just can’t thank you all enough for all of your kindness. You are all so wonderful.** &nbsp; *Notable comments:* >*Commenter*: Oof, 0-1000000 with this one. I’m glad your bf is getting it together but it’s shitty this happened regardless. Has Jess ever done something like this before? Any snide remarks or sabotaging behavior? Also, how hard did she try to stop Rachel? Because if this is her MO then I wouldn’t be surprised if *she* is the one secretly out to embarrass her. Sounds like she let her mostly ramble on when she could’ve pulled her into another room or something. >>*OOP*: Jess has always been a good friend to me which is why I’m still very shocked and confused about all of this. She did try to stop Rachel in the moment, but I’m honestly thinking she also did take advantage of that opportunity to help herself out by taking Rachel’s side and trying to shut me out of the picture. Might be overthinking but I don’t know what to think, still processing all of it. &nbsp; >*Commenter*: As bad as I feel for saying it, it definitely does not seem like Jess was ever your friend to begin with. Her betrayal was a gut punch to even just a reader like me. >It's so odd to me that both of them seemed to have built some sort of grudge against you over time because you seem like such a nice person. Tolerating Rachel despite her clear disrespect of you and your relationship with Ben was so much more than she deserved. Glad to hear Ben got it together and wound up on the right side, too. >I'd argue those two did you a favor by showing their true colors. Ditchem' and don't look back OP. >>*OOP*: Honestly the more I think about it the more I realize how big of a role Jess played in all of this, and not even just the party but the entire situation as a whole. I’m starting to believe she was planting seeds for Rachel to dislike me all along and possibly only told me about only one of the guys on purpose. Rachel was always standoffish but it only got worse as her and Jess got closer. Back then I thought it was just petty friendship rivalry, now idk if I’m thinking too much into it but it’s definitely a lot easier to believe she’d betray me on a grander scale than not. &nbsp; **Further [update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/140suhu/update_aita_for_overstepping_and_embarrassing_my/jq0ep8r?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) in the comments:** >*Commenter*: Do you have an update >>*OOP*: I do! Sorry I haven’t logged into this account in some time. It’s pretty short but basically Rachel did eventually reach out to me and apologize for her behaviour. She understood our boundaries and has been respectful of them. We haven’t seen her or had much contact with her since I made the post, other than maybe two or three times at family gatherings where we were all cordial and had a pretty fun time! That said, I did hear through the grape vine (aka Ben’s mom) that her friendship with Jess has been quite rocky after everything happened and that they haven’t been seeing each other as much as they used to. Personally I think Jess was super opportunistic and Rachel ended up with the shit end of the stick on that one. But oh well, at least she learned to be a little less of an asshole. >>>*Commenter*: Maybe Ben shutting down what they were trying to do was a wake up call for Rachel. I'm glad you and Ben are doing good >>>>*OOP*: Yes it definitely was! She honestly seems to be much less unhinged now lol. Idk how or why but even though there hasn’t been any contact or closeness it does feel like she’s being the most genuine she’s ever been around me so who knows, maybe this situation pushed her to grow. Only time will tell but for now I’m glad everything is just .. normal :) thank you so much!! Xx &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the OP. Please don't comment on the original post.**

AITA for overstepping and embarrassing my boyfriend’s cousin at her birthday party?

CONCLUDED

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15b4d4o/aita_for_overstepping_and_embarrassing_my/

15b7qof

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Sea-Comfortable121 **in** r/offmychest *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* mood spoilers: >!Shock, Confusion, Hurt, Depression, Grateful!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14umvop/im_pregnant_as_a_virgin_and_my_boyfriend_thinks_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, July 09, 2023 Yeah, pretty much exactly what the title says. I (16F) am a virgin, so is my boyfriend (16M). We're both young, and neither of us are ready for sex. Personally, it's never been high on my radar, and from what he's told me, he's the same way. That being said, we've been together for a couple of years now, so things have still happened. I'd rather not go into detail on that, but you can get the picture. Think third base, I guess. Anyways, a couple of days ago, I went to the doctor because I've been feeling really sick lately. I did a urine test and a finger prick, and my doctor told me I was pregnant. Of course, I laughed at first because I thought she was joking, but no, I'm really pregnant. I kinda fell silent. She started talking about things like ultrasounds, prenatal vitamins, etc., but I cut her off and told her that wasn't possible because I've never had sex, therefore have never conceived. She explained to me that very, very few women can get pregnant by 'outercourse,' but it's still possible due to vaginal anatomy or something. I was (and still am) in complete and utter shock, so I kinda just left without any further explanation. (I had driven myself because both of my parents work.) I went straight to my boyfriend's house, and he was the first person I told. I hadn't even texted or called in advance because I was crying, completely distraught. I don't know why, but it didn't even cross my mind that he would think I cheated. I would never do something like that. I explained everything to him about how we'd never technically had sex, but we got really close, and stuff can happen. He seemed pretty lost until I eventually told him I was pregnant... which is when he (rightfully) got pissed at me because how the f*ck does that even happen without us having had sex? I tried so hard to explain myself and assure him that I'd never do that, ever. I told him I'd take a DNA test or something to prove that, but he didn't believe a word and made me go home. The last thing he told me was, "I really trusted you." He looked like he was about to cry. Now I'm blocked on everything, so I can't text or call explaining myself. I'll respect his decision if he wants to break up, but I need him to know I was never with anyone else. It's been killing me, knowing how hurt he must feel. Luckily, he hasn't told anyone that I'm pregnant because I haven't even told my own parents yet, but he has told people that I 'cheated' on him, and now I'm losing friends and everything's gone to shit. This was already the worst, lowest point of my life, and it seems to be getting worse. I've basically locked myself in my room. I feel so depressed. I just need him to know. &nbsp; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14x55me/update_im_pregnant_as_a_virgin_and_my_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, July 11, 2023 I don't use Reddit much, so I'm not sure if I was supposed to make this into a separate post or just edit the original, but you can find the OG on my account. Hi guys!! I'm SO sorry it took a couple of days to update. Things have been moving wildly slow, and I didn't want to create a whole post for each small thing I had to update. So much has happened. First off, I just want to specify a couple of things, misconceptions as well as some key aspects I didn't do a good enough job explaining: No, my boyfriend didn't yell at me or call me names. He was angry, you could tell, but it was an extremely short conversation, and he was primarily silent. That's the type of person he is. Though we've had very few arguments, he usually goes quiet when he's mad. I'm not saying it was the right way to act at all, but it was understandable in my opinion, as the possibility of this happening was entirely new and confusing to both of us. He also never spread 'rumors' about me, as some people were saying. I want to make that clear!! He told his best friend, who told another one of their close friends, and you know how that works. Toxic gossip train. A few of our mutual friends, who are generally closer to him/knew him first, stopped talking to me. Again, that hurts a lot. I'm not saying it doesn't, but I know that if I thought someone had cheated on my friend, I would drop ties with them INSTANTLY. I understand things like this seem a lot worse to adults who maybe forget what it's like to be young and immature because I mean, we're sixteen, and that's what we are. I think people also forget that I was making this post very shortly after all of this had happened. He came to my house the morning after I made the post and apologized, explaining that he'd done a lot of research and felt bad for accusing me. He said he still didn't know if he fully trusted me but wanted to at least help me while I went through this because, if anything, we've been best friends since we were small. He came over, and we told my parents together, explaining that I didn't know if it was pregnancy/illness, and I needed to get further testing done. They seemed disappointed that I hadn't told them I was sexually active, but my mom said she was more disappointed in herself for not teaching me about reproductive health. They're being as supportive as they can. So, that all happened. Flash forward to the next day (Monday), I went to the doctor to get more blood testing done. I wanted to update then, but I had to wait until I got the results back (today). So far, after a full blood panel, all signs are still pointing to me being pregnant. The comments kind of got my hopes up, thinking it was most likely something else. My doctor explained that there was actually a slightly higher chance of me being pregnant than there was of a false positive because it's generally men with cancer who receive those. I don't know if he was going off of statistics or personal experience, though. I'm not sure since there's still not a positive way to know if it's really a pregnancy, so I have an ultrasound scheduled for this Thursday as it was the earliest appointment available. That will be the only way to properly confirm. If the ultrasound confirms that I'm pregnant, then I'm also gonna ask about getting DNA testing as a form of paternity test. Finally, I want to disclaim something: I've lied about a lot of things before. Everyone has. But pregnancy isn't something I would ever, ever touch. There are so many women in this world that want kids but are unable to have them, and I can't imagine what it's like for them to constantly see other people getting pregnant. It feels disrespectful and borderline offensive to lie about something like that, and I would never. I also want to say that I completely understand the people (primarily the ones from TikTok, hi guys) that think I cheated and this is all a cover-up story. I'm not gonna try and win people over because your opinions genuinely don't matter to me. All I'm gonna say is that this is a throwaway account that no one I know follows or has access to, so there would be no reason for any of that. If I actually wanted to 'convince' people, then I would've posted it on my main, which my boyfriend and several other friends follow. Again, no one else but my boyfriend and my parents know about this at all, and I don't want them to. On a more positive note! I'd really like to thank all of the supportive comments and messages I got. They outweighed the negatives by far, and it's incredibly heartwarming and honestly surreal. I didn't expect this at all, but thank you. Truly. I had multiple people message me and offer to pay for things like paternity tests, abortion access, and general expenses, and with each and every message, I cried. I can't believe there are such kind-hearted people in the world, but thank you. Me and my parents have this covered, but the offer is enough, and I'm truly grateful for all of it. Hope to keep you guys posted. That's all for now :) &nbsp; EDIT: Update 2 won't post, so here it is (summarized): There's not much to say. I got an ultrasound, and yes, confirmed the pregnancy. I was still holding onto a bit of hope that it might be something else, lol. My doctor gave me a referral to go straight to a blood work lab (I have no idea what they're actually called) so me and my boyfriend could do a prenatal paternity test. I'd never gotten a referral that quickly; usually, you have to wait at least a day, but she sent me over for an appointment just an hour after the ultrasound, which was really great. We did the blood test/saliva swab, and now we just have to wait about a week for the results. Most likely getting an abortion but still figuring out the safest way to do that out of state. Thank you to the people who have been supportive :) &nbsp; [**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/154gfrh/final_update_im_pregnant_as_a_virgin_and_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, July 20. 2023 Hey guys, sorry it's been a while, but I had to wait for results. I tried my best to respond to comments and messages, even on the places this was reposted, but there were lots. Thank you very much to the polite people! The paternity test just came back, and yes, like I kept saying, it was his. The only way it wouldn't have been was if it had been SA, which there was an extremely low chance of. But even so, I'm very grateful that nothing happened to me in my sleep, as some people had suggested. We found a great program that several of you had recommended to me called Plan C. They help provide women in no-abortion states with abortion pills. It was very mentally difficult for me to go through with, but just this morning the pills came, and we used a Telehealth doctor to help. I now officially had an abortion, woohoo! I was very on the fence about it, and honestly, I'm not doing too well now, but I know it was the right choice. Now to answer some questions: No, I'm not a bot. I'm also not old. I write well because I want to be an author. Writing has interested me since I was in elementary school, and it's something I work very hard at. I took AP Lang last year and am taking AP Lit this upcoming year, so I'm well educated in that subject. Obviously not so well educated in sex ed, lol. I think some of you are wildly underestimating how articulate teens can be. We're not entirely clueless. Also, I got the paternity test because I could. Some people said it was strange to get one even though I was most likely getting an abortion, but I don't think so. Personally, I believe it was very necessary, and honestly, it wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be. My parents covered it. No, my boyfriend's parents never found out about any of this, and we don't ever want them to. They're not very good/stable people, and my boyfriend plans on going no contact pretty much as soon as he turns eighteen. Also - we're both seventeen now! Anyways, thank you all for the support on this journey. It's been rough, but I know this all helped so much. Even now, I'm still getting DMs of people offering to help both financially and mentally, and genuinely that's amazing. I'll still be responding to comments if there are any, but when it comes to posting - goodbye! :) &nbsp; Reminder - I am not the original poster.

My boyfriend thinks I cheated on him because I'm pregnant... But I'm a virgin[FINAL UPDATE]

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15b7qof/my_boyfriend_thinks_i_cheated_on_him_because_im/

15b7ttf

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA-Neighbour23 **AITA for telling my stepdaughter her friend’s mum is the reason her dad and I are divorcing?** **Thank you to u/czechtheboxes for bringing this to the BoRU discord** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Infidelity, emotional manipulation of a child, mention of an eating disorder!< [Original Post - My (54F) husband (50M) has been going to our neighbour (34F) for advice and it makes me uncomfortable](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14px1sv/my_54f_husband_50m_has_been_going_to_our/) **July 3, 2023** My husband, Jack, has been spending a lot of time with our neighbour, Sophie. It is worth noting that Jack and Sophie had an affair when she was 19 – he was with his ex and she was with an ex-boyfriend at the time. Sophie is a widow as her husband died in 2021. Jack and I also married in 2021. Jack and Sophie remained friendly after their affair, partly because their daughters were and still are friends – they’ve been best friends since primary school. Jack and I have been having some issues in our marriage and we have been going to counselling for the past 6 months. I brought up in counselling that his friendship with Sophie makes in uncomfortable because he had previously had an affair with her. Jack argued that she is just a friend and that neither of them have those feelings anymore, nor is Sophie interested in having a romantic relationship because no one compares to her late husband – that is apparently something she has said to him after he suggested setting her up on a date with a younger co-worker who had expressed an interest in her. There’s a lot of cross over between her job and his which is part of the reason they remained close. In our last session, Jack admitted that he had been going to Sophie for her advice. He’s been going to her to get advice on our relationship as well as an issue with his daughter. The issue with his daughter, I understand because it is something that Sophie has experience with and she had an unique perspective that really did help him. The fact they have been discussing our relationship, I don’t feel comfortable with. Jack has been really dismissive about it, arguing that its the same as me going to my sister for advice. It’s not the same, he had an affair with this woman! I recently saw Sophie in the local coffee shop and she was friendly with me, asking how I was doing and if my step daughter was doing better. I asked her if something was going on between her and Jack. She denied that anything was going on between her and Jack. I asked her to stop giving Jack advice because it’s damaging our relationship. Sophie said that she wasn’t going to stop giving her friend advice, and that it wasn’t her fault that I was insecure in my relationship but that she doesn’t see Jack as anything as a friend despite what I think. Sophie reiterated several times that she was just friends with Jack and that she isn’t that troubled teenager who had an affair with a married man anymore, and that she didn't want to implode her life again. When I got home, I told Jack that I didn’t want him to see Sophie anymore. Jack argued with me, saying he wasn’t going to stop seeing Sophie when nothing is going on between them. He offered to show me his texts with Sophie, but I told him that I didn’t trust him not to delete any texts that he knew would upset me. Jack got frustrated and told me I was being ridiculous by accusing him of being deceitful. When his daughter came home, she was upset because Sophie had text her daughter after our conversation and told her to come straight home as she didn’t want her daughter to get pulled into whatever is going on between Jack and I like she had been. His daughter was angry and accused me of ruining her friendship before storming up to her bedroom, so Jack is also angry with me about that. I’m just not sure what else to do. Is there anything I can do? The fact he is constantly going to a woman he had an affair with for advice is just making me feel uncomfortable and nothing he does feels reassuring. TLDR: Husband is seeking advice from his ex affair partner and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Both see nothing wrong with it and deny an affair. ​ Update: We were meant to go to a counselling session this morning, however Jack had cancelled the session and any further sessions. Jack does not want to continue counselling as he has filed for divorce, he said it was something he had been considering for a while. Apparently when he had gone to talk to Sophie the first time, it was to get her recommendation for a divorce lawyer but she had tried to convince him that we just needed to work out our issues. Jack said that he told her that he had lost trust in me and nothing we did was fixing it, the way I've been acting over him and Sophie also cemented that to him. She gave him the name of a friend who is a divorce lawyer but told him that he was making a mistake. It turns out that when Sophie's daughter didn't come to our house as planned after school, it was because Jack had told Sophie he had planned to tell me about the divorce that evening. He backed out on telling me after his daughter came home upset, not wanting to rock the boat with her. My conversation with Sophie was just the excuse she used. If I'm honest I still don't trust that nothing has been going on between them. The whole thing between them is weird. But my marriage is over, so what they do isn't my problem. I'm not going to fight to be with someone who lies to my face and states they don't trust me. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OOP** >>"Honestly though, was the fact that they stayed friends (not just acquaintances because of their daughters) not a giant red flag for you at the beginning of your relationship? I am not at all blaming you for this but how did you rationalise it to yourself before?" >No, I knew they were friendly before our relationship. I moved into the community just after the affair blew up. To start with they were just people who would be polite to each other in the street but as the girls got older and they started to have to interact more they became friends. When Jack and I got together, Sophie pulled away from the friendship but after her husband died she reached out to Jack. When she reached out to Jack, I figured it was just Sophie's way of coping with her grief as her world fell apart and she would pull away again. * **OOP AGAIN** >I wish I knew why he thinks that she can give some insights to our marriage. Part of me wondered if him going to her for advice is because he wants legal advice but she works in criminal law not family law. Sophie is able to relate to his daughter because they both have an ED, she was able to help him navigate dealing with his daughter without pushing her away. >If I bring Sophie up during our sessions, he shuts it down because to him Sophie isn't the problem and threatens to stop going to the sessions. I knew they were friendly before our relationship. To start with they were just people who would be polite to each other in the street but as the girls got older and they started to have to interact more they became friends. When Jack and I got together, Sophie pulled away from the friendship but after her husband died she reached out to Jack. When she reached out to Jack, I figured it was just Sophie's way of coping with her grief as her world fell apart and she would pull away again [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14spxl8/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_her_friends_mum/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 6, 2023** Jack, and I are getting divorced after 2 years of marriage. Jack has two children, but this concerns his daughter – Ella (15F). The day Jack told me he wanted a divorce, we told the children after school. Ella was upset when she found out we are divorcing and went to her room. She came down after tea when it was just me and her in the house – Jack and his son had gone out. She asked me why her dad and I were getting divorce and wanted to know if it was because of her. Ella has struggled with an ED, and while it had caused some strain because we couldn’t agree on how to help Ella it is not the reason. I told Ella that she and her brother are not the reason for the divorce, but that her best friend’s (Imogen 15F) mum (Sophie 34F) is. Sophie and Jack had an affair when she was 19, when the affair was exposed Sophie’s life basically imploded while Jack’s pretty much remained the same. Just to state, Imogen is not Jack’s daughter. They are friends now, but after the affair they would just be polite in the street and became friendlier over the years as the girls became close friends at school. I told Ella that Jack’s continued friendship with Sophie and the running to her for advice is why we are getting divorced. Ella asked if Jack was having an affair with Sophie. I told her that Jack was denying having an affair with Sophie again but I suspected it. She asked what I meant by again, so I told her that Sophie and Jack had an affair when Jack was married to her mum. Ella has not been speaking to Jack since our conversation. She has also lashed out at Imogen, telling her that her mum is a whore and is the reason her family is falling apart. They got into a physical fight at school which resulted in both Jack and Sophie getting called in to talk about it. In the meeting, Ella told them everything I had told her the night before and blamed Sophie for ruining her family again. Jack told her that Sophie isn’t the reason. Jack told Ella the reason for the divorce is because he no longer trusted me because of a mistake I had made which had sent us to therapy. Months of therapy weren’t able to repair his trust in me. After Jack and Ella came home, she is now not talking to me either. Jack is furious that I said anything to Ella and that I ruined Ella’s friendship with Imogen. Jack snapped that it was not my place to say anything to Ella. He was angry that I was still stuck on his friendship with Sophie, and continues to maintain nothing is going on. He told me that Imogen told Sophie in the meeting that she wants to move to a new school, where no one knows her mum is a whore and that was my fault. AITA? Ella asked me for a reason and I told her, I do believe Sophie is the true reason as the relationship between them is weird. **VERDICT: ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **newmish77** >INFO: what is the mistake made that caused you to go to therapy? **OOP replied** >>I kissed another man on a night out with my sister and some friends, one of our friends told him before I was able to. It was a stupid mistake, but I had been enjoying the attention after feeling neglected by Jack. **HauntedReader** >>>So you cheated but then told his daughter that him cheating years earlier in a different relationship was the reason for the divorce? **OOP replied** >>>>Yes, I did. I have suspected for a while that he and Sophie are in affair. His relationship with her has made me uncomfortable - long before we started therapy. He runs to her for advice, including about our relationship. I did bring this up in therapy but he has constantly denied anything going on between them. **OOP UPDATED THE POST JULY 8, 2023** Update: This blew up more than I thought it would. Both Ella and her brother were aware of the kiss. They were there when Jack was told. I referred to it as a mistake as that is what Jack refers to it as, he has said that he didn't consider the kiss to be cheating because I was drunk. I have moved out of the house since I made this post, and I am now staying with my sister until I find a place of my own. At the weekend, Ella reached out to Imogen and apologised for lashing out at her at school. They look like they've made up as Ella stayed at Imogen's over the weekend. Before she left, I apologised to Ella and told her that I shouldn't have dragged her into this. Ella told me that she would never forgive me, especially for damaging her friendship with Imogen, and is glad that her dad is divorcing me. I offered to pay for the girls to do something together but Ella refused saying she didn't want to take my 'dirty money'. I also apologised to Jack who told me that it was Sophie who needed the apology, not him as it was her life I had tried to ruin without a shred of evidence. I tried telling him that I just didn't believe that he and Sophie weren't having an affair and he snapped telling me that there is nothing going on with Sophie, and she had actually just started seeing someone. He found out about this because she went to him for advice as he is the only person she knows who has also lost a spouse and dated again. He then told me that he wanted me to move out as Ella had told him that she wasn't going to return home while I was still here. So yeah. I've destroyed my relationship with Jack and his children because I was insecure. It's my own doing. I am the AH. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for telling my stepdaughter her friend’s mum is the reason her dad and I are divorcing?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15b7ttf/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_her_friends_mum/

15b7wc3

**I am not the Original Poster. Original post by** u/kolecarmot **in** r/IDontWorkHereLady *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Mistreatment of a service animal, animal abuse, mention of violence, court proceedings, threats, imprisonment.!< mood spoilers: >!Initial confusion and confrontation with mistaken identity, escalation of confl0ict, mixed emotions, emotional impact on service animal, positive vacation experiences.!< --- &nbsp; [**Lady Mistakes my Parents as Employees, and Stomps on Mom's Service Dog's Tail**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/okanhd/lady_mistakes_my_parents_as_employees_and_stomps/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, July 14, 2021 Well, I never thought I would see them, but here we go. Mobile, English is first language. Come at me Reddit. As a celebration to being fully vaccinated, myself and my family decided we were going to go away for a week to go Whale Watching. Such a trip needs supplies, so my family heads to the Market of Walls to get groceries and such. So to start, what we were wearing. My Mother was wearing a blue dress with short sleeves, trimmed with white flowers design and beige khakis. Oh yeah, she also has a service dog too, vest and all (A Brace Dog for those who are curious) My father was wearing a grey button up shirt and black pants. Finally, I was wearing Blue Jeans and a green shirt that read "I'd make a Zelda Pun, but I don't wanna to Tri and Force it." Service Dog, who I will shorten to Doggo, was wearing his service vest. When we entered the Market of Walls, my mother and father went one way, and I went the other way. I was to get things like Sunscreen and stuff while my parents got the food (we were bringing our own food since the food there is super expensive). As such this part is second-hand from my parents, but I will embellish with the classic Karen troupes. They were in the Frozen Food aisle picking out some burgers and sausages for our grills. They at first heard the classical "Excuse me", when choosing between Mozza Burgers and BBQ Sauce burgers. They had just ignored it, but my mother felt Doggo tugging at the leash, trying to get her attention (not something he was trained to do, just really smart). Mom turned around and saw our Karen for this story. She was clearly confused by the blue dress, and began asking my mom where something was in the aisles. Obviously, my mother said she didn't work there, and this set Karen off. My father heard the conflict and approached them, but the grey button-up shirt made Karen think he was a manager. I wish I could explain more but as I said this was second hand. At this point, Karen must have stepped on Doggo's tail, because as I was heading back to find my parents, I heard poor Doggo yelp loudly, which is out of character for him, and I took off running. I arrived to the scene with my mother trying to comfort Doggo, his tail slightly red from blood and my mother tending to it, my father arguing with Karen, and an employee, wearing a blue shirt, black pants and an apron, coming up. Employee is trying to figure out what is going on, and Karen is going on about how disrespectful my mother and the manager are being. The Employee is trying to explain the whole concept of us being customers but Karen wasn't listening. I took the employee aside and asked him to get the real manager, and approached Karen. I should note, I run roleplaying games, and through that have learned how to improvise. Me: "What's going on here?" Karen (looks to me): "Who are you?" Me: "I'm the Manager. What are you doing here?" My father gave me a confused look and went to say something, but I stopped him. Karen looked me over, my cheesy t-shirt and all and scoffed. "You're not the manager, you're just some kid." (I'm 29) Me: "Ok, then what about my parents is telling you they work here?" Karen stopped and looked at my parents, and you can see gears turning in her head. My father saw I had things under control and he went to help my mother, who doesn't work well under stress. Me: "Ok, now that you're listening, what happened to Doggo?" Karen stuttered. "I don't know." Me: "That better be true. Doggo is a trained service dog, and is worth probably more than what you make in a year. Karen: "I need to…" Me: "No, you are staying right here till the manager gets here. Doggo is hurt, and I want to know why." Karen must have been intimidated into staying, which is a surprise to me which will be explained later. Eventually the Manager arrives (10 minutes later, guess the situation wasn't urgent enough), along with a pair of police officers who must have been called by someone. Karen tried to defend herself weakly, but all the breeze she had in her sails against my parents were gone. The manager came back and confirmed Karen stomped on Doggo's tail when Doggo got between my mom and Karen. He sat down infront of the two to stand his grand, but he wraps his tail to his side to keep it out of the way, meaning it looked like on camera Karen also kicked Doggo. I saw red, but let my parents take care of things. They pressed charges on Karen, and the manager paid for our groceries personally, telling us he apologizes, and that "he should have banned her earlier." When we got back to the van, I started crying. You see, something I neglected to say was I am not a confrontational person. Seeing Doggo hurt, my mother crying and my dad about to deck Karen, I snapped, and was actually scared of what I would do. If Karen didn't stand down, I was a bit afraid of what I might have done. Luckily, it didn't come to that. Mom is staying home with Doggo today while myself and my dad do some running around. She is still shaken up, and we would rather not add more stress to her. Thanks for reading and sorry it's a bit messy, I just wanted to get this down. I needed to get this off my chest and felt writing about it would help. Court is hopefully going to be after the Whale Watching trip, but I haven't heard anything about it. &nbsp; *Note that all updates were added to the original post* **UPDATE** Holy frig, this blew up. I can't get to everything now, but we cancelled everything tonight and Doggo is on the Emergency Vet. Will update when more info comes to light. And thanks for the reassurance. &nbsp; **Important Update 1** Doggo is physically going to be OK. The vet said the scrape (as he described it) is shallow and should heal... Unfortunately, he will be committed to the Cone of Bravery when not on duty until it heals to make sure he doesn't make it worse. Mentally, well, have no update on that, but he seemed to be normal around family. I have work tomorrow so I'll ask Mom how everything goes when she takes him out for work. As for charges on Karen, Interference of Service Animal, Willful injury of a Service Animal, Animal Abuse, Assault, Destruction of Property, Disrupting the Peace and more. She is facing upwards to 5 years in prison, minimum. Nothing official has been decided yet, however. Also who the heck is spending their money on me giving me these awards. Seriously, everyone, you are too kind. Thank you everyone for the support. &nbsp; **The Most Important Update** [Doggo Tax](https://imgur.com/gallery/ErbLCj5). [*Images of Doggo*] This photo was taken back in Christmas, since my Mom won't let me take a picture with the Cone of Bravery. Also Canadian... &nbsp; **Final Update before Vacation** I won't be able post until after vacation, so I wanted to answer or reply on as many comments as possible. I read everything, but I can't reply to everything. - I would punch that Karen in the Face So this came up quite a bit. Honestly, the thought did cross my mind. However, my parents were right there. They taught me well (as cliche as that sounds). Even if I punched or got into a fight to defend them, they would have been extremely disappointed in me. Especially considering I didn't have the full story at the time. If it was just me and Doggo, perhaps I would have. But at this point I am talking about a what if scenario rather then what happened. - You are a lot stronger then I am Thanks strangers. Honestly, reading your comments is making me feel better. As a shy person, I feel weak a lot of the time, can't get into conversations, sit at home and play games. But as someone has pointed out, I do seem to collect myself in stressful situations. It is likely due to the First Aid training I have experienced, performing under pressure, but I don't know. Either way, thank you for your kind comments. - How could someone hurt a Dog? I honestly have no reason. Doggo might have made a threatening gesture or something. As I said, I wasn't in the area of the initial engagement, and I didn't see the CCTV. Either way, she dun goofed up. **Final Words**: As I said, I am going on Vacation, and the court is happening afterwards. I will do one final update when everything is said and done. If you use the Remind Me Bot, make sure it is for Tuesday two weeks from now. &nbsp; **Final Court Proceedings Update** Ok, I promised an update, and here it is. I was at work as it was my parents who pressed the charges, so all this information is second hand. Karen was charged with Animal Cruelty, Assault, Assault of a Sevice Animal, Interfering with a Service Animal and a bunch of others. We are getting $6000 in damages, and Karen is getting 6 years in prison. I don't have much information on this one. Karen is married to a Chad, who threatened my parents in the courtroom. He is also charged now, but I have no details on that. I really hope they didn't procreate. Finally, Doggo is still capable of performing his duties, however he is now skittish around people with High Heels. Despite this, he performed his duties admirably despite the traumatic experience. He came out on the boat with us for Whale Watching. He got to say hello to a Whale Friend he met last year named Mocha, who allowed her calf to come right over to the boat we were on and… try to tip us over… either way, it was an amazing trip, and Doggo is still the same Doggo he was before, just skittish around High Heels. I don't know if Whale Tax is a thing, but here it is. [**Pictures from our cruises9**](https://imgur.com/gallery/7QTYQFr) [*Images of whales taken during the vacation*] &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the Original Poster**

Lady Mistakes my Parents as Employees, and Stomps on Mom's Service Dog's Tail

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15b7wc3/lady_mistakes_my_parents_as_employees_and_stomps/

15b8gxb

**I am not the OP. Original posts are by** u/politicaldadthrowra **and** u/Remarkable_Move8152 **in** r/TwoHotTakes TW: >!References to gun violence, manipulative behavior!< Mood Spoiler: >!Frustrating, but hopeful for OOP (daughter)!< *This is a new update to a previous BORU post, which can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13lzyh3/dad_and_daughter_have_a_politicallyloaded_falling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)* \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13do1aa/aita_my_daughter_doesnt_want_me_in_her_life/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) (Dad's POV) - May 10, 2023 **AITA? My daughter doesn’t want me in her life because of our differences in political opinions** Things haven’t been the same since an incident several years ago and my other daughter told me to ask on Reddit. I (M65) have two daughters, Alicia (35) and Mary (32). I am divorced from their mother since the girls were in middle school and have been with my current partner Janice for 15 years but we are not married. My girls were living with me full time since they were in high school until they each moved out. I’ll get right to it, my girl’s have opposing political views from Janice and I. This came to a head several years ago, things had been strained for a while and finally blew up. The girls were over for Christmas and Mary said some things that upset Janice and Mary walked out. Alicia stayed but it was awkward the rest of the day. Janice and I decided not to let Mary visit anymore but I still saw her regularly on my own or with Alicia. A year or so after that I took Alicia out for breakfast on her birthday. We had decided not to talk about politics anymore because we don’t get along. Well there was something upsetting on the TV and the restaurant was empty except for us and another couple and I made a comment about it, and Alicia just started ranting. She wouldn’t stop even when I told her to because she said I was the one who brought it up. The man at the other table agreed with me and started getting upset, saying what Alicia was saying was stupid and that she should shut up. I agreed with him. Yet another day ruined I guess so I just walked out. I told her happy birthday before I left. She was very upset that I “abandoned” her with a stranger that was upset with her, but all she had to do was stop talking and that never would have happened. She said she felt unsafe and that I shouldn’t have just left her there, and maybe I shouldn’t have, but she also needs to take responsibility for her part in this. Now she barely speaks to me and I only see her on special occasions like birthdays or Father’s Day. And never at either of our houses. She moved and hasn’t told me where, it is somewhere local though. I see Mary more often but she doesn’t want to get involved with me and Alicia’s issues. AITA for not taking total responsibility for what happened? \~\~\~ **Relevant Comment:** *We could share the same political beliefs and I would agree with your daughter.* *You broke the agreement and made a comment you knew she wouldn't agree with. Then you got mad when she responded to the comment. Then you agreed with a stranger and escalated the issue. He told her to shut up and she was talking stupid. No one says that in a calm matter. That is scary for a woman to be addressed like that by a man.* *After all of that, you left her... Straight up left her with some stranger who was making comments about her. No wonder she felt unsafe. Her safety is more important than a disagreement.* *YTA* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13do1aa/comment/jjlh65d/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (Bonus comment from the poster, I think it gives a better sense of his beliefs): *I’m not racist and I think people should have bodily autonomy. For instance, no one should be forced to get any vaccine they don’t want to.* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13do1aa/comment/jjm5wks/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **OOP is voted YTA** \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/154q3xj/comment/jsrl5ek/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (Daughter's POV, now deleted but preserved in a comment) - May 12, 2023 **I’m the daughter of political dad. I have receipts.** I’m “Alicia”. Those aren’t our real names, thankfully. There are screenshots of two conversations with him in my profile. One from the day of this incident in 2018, and one Facebook messenger conversation from 2020. I have more and may post them but for now that should be enough. Yes I made a throwaway for this, I don’t want it attached to my main. My friend actually saw the post first and told me about it, and I considered for a while whether or not I should respond. It also took me a minute to find the conversations. I did want to address some things because even though the post was lacking details, most of the comments I was able to read were spot on, and this was very validating for me. • As most of you guessed, yes, he is a Republican Trump supporter and I am progressive. And yes, we are in the US. • this was pre Covid, he came out as an anti-vaxxer during the pandemic. • Janice is horrible lol. On the outside she seems sorta ok but she’s all about manipulation and control. If you aren’t wholly grateful for every little thing she does she employs guilt trips. She’s definitely the “respect your elders” type. There’s more to the story there but I’m not going into it. • we used to all have family dinners at their house once or twice a month. The atmosphere had been strained for a while because dad and Janice didn’t want Mary and I to comment about politics. They were allowed to say anything they wanted but we weren’t allowed to respond. We were told it was DISRESPECTFUL to disagree with them in their own home. I thought it was very hypocritical and it pissed me off. When I lived with them I never really stated my opinions much out loud because I wanted to keep the peace. Because I had to live there. As I got older and moved out I stopped being quiet about it and I think it shocked them. I was tired of listening to racist misogynistic nonsense and not saying anything about it. I was civil about it, I didn’t name call or make it personal. Them on the other hand is a different story. Apparently I’m a “liberal extremist” according to my dad who said that to my face. Because I believe in civil rights and equal rights for everyone. Ok. • That day at Christmas my sister and I were talking about climate change amongst ourselves and they butted into the conversation and it exploded from there. We weren’t talking to them, at all, and they started being passive aggressive and accusing us of thinking they were stupid, which neither of us said. My sister had apparently had enough of it all and walked out. She was never invited over again. I continued to visit but I too was eventually told I wasn’t going to be invited again. • the topic on tv in the café was about whichever mass shooting or police shooting had just unfolded at the time, I don’t remember specifically. I also don’t remember the exact wording of my dad’s comment, but it was something about guns and/or minorities. My comments in response were about gun control and statistically the demographic of most mass shooters (white men, sorry not sorry), and he as a white man took offense to that. So did the other boomer white man at the table next to us. I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have started it but I was SICK of him getting in his little comments and thinking I wouldn’t say anything back because we agreed not to talk about things like that. • After my dad’s initial snide comment and I started listing statistics, my dad told me to stop talking. I said “why? I’m not ashamed of anything I’m saying”. Neither of us were being loud by the way, it was a private conversation at a normal speaking volume. At that point the other man sitting with his wife said loudly “well I’d like her to shut up!” And started saying things about how what I was saying was stupid. I sat there in shock and just as I was about to collect myself and tell him to fuck off my dad turned around to him and said “you know what sir, I agree with you” which put me into shock again. I literally could not believe that just happened. My dad then stood up, muttered happy birthday at me, and walked out. The man continued to spout angry nonsense in my direction while his wife tried to calm him down, and I tried to think about how fast I could get to the police station next door if he tried something. I sat there for a few minutes in shock and his wife came over to me and started apologizing profusely. I eventually left too and tried not to cry on my way home. • not that it matters a whole bunch, but we drove there separately and had paid for our food already. So he didn’t leave me without a way home and didn’t stick me with the bill. • ever since I started speaking up about my opinions my dad has been very patronizing and condescending. It’s funny though because even then at first when we’d debate something we would be civil and I could get him to listen to me. I even got him to indirectly admit that he’s pro choice once during a conversation. He doesn’t identify as that but when we spoke logically and reasonably about it he admitted that at least in some situations abortion should be allowed. I said congratulations that makes you pro choice, and he didn’t have anything to say to that lol I think it’s the buzz words and the faux news that’s really tripped him up and it’s unfortunate. • he and Janice live very much in their own little fantasy land and don’t like being reminded that it isn’t real. They’ve stopped going to family events partly because of this and partly because of Janice’s medical condition. AND I think partly because no one likes her. I already turned off messages and I don’t really want to be responding to a bunch of comments, I might turn them off altogether at some point if that’s an option but we’ll see how this goes. This has already gotten waaayyyy more attention than I’m comfy with, but I didn’t want to leave everyone hanging. There were some really insightful comments that gleaned a lot of truth without knowing the full situation so I wanted to give some closure. And also to say thanks, this has helped me a lot. As for what I’m going to do about it in real life, probably nothing, because I’m pretty much done trying to do anything but keep up a surface level relationship. Once in a while he tells my sister he misses me, as if he doesn’t understand what happened. We’ve had so many conversations about this that if he doesn’t get it by now he never will, and I’m done trying. If you’re wondering why I don’t just cut him out completely, I’m not really sure myself. I guess I just don’t have it in me right now. \~\~\~ **OOP's Receipts:** [Dad's texts](https://www.reddit.com/user/Remarkable_Move8152/comments/13epya6/dad_texts/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Transcript (dated Nov 3, 2018): (7:56 AM) OOP: Thanks for leaving me there alone with that potentially violent guy. OOP: I was just scared you know, and you just left OOP: Make no mistake though, I will not be silent. I will be scared, and loud. OOP: Remember how mom used to send us to school in tears? That's how I feel now OOP: You've become really good at breaking my heart OOP: I told you I'd been (censored) harassed and (censored) in the past and you didn't say anything close to "I'm sorry that happened to you" OOP: I guess you don't care. I'm sorry you don't want to have a relationship with me because we don't agree on things. Dad: If you Still want to talk, it will be in person and in private. OOP: "Gee (censored name), I'm sorry you feel like that, I didn't mean to make you feel sad or abandoned". Is that what you meant? OOP: Right well I get that you're at work and this isn't the best time, so you just let me know when you're ready to treat me like a human. (6:38 PM) Dad: do you want to talk ? OOP: Not tonight [Dad's FB messages](https://www.reddit.com/user/Remarkable_Move8152/comments/13fog6i/dad_facebook_messages/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Transcript (dated Oct 28, 2020): Dad: You know, you can reach out too. I haven't heard from you, so I figured you wanted space for whatever reason. OOP: I want space? What's there even to say? I'm not allowed at your house, you don't want to come to mine, you actively avoid family gatherings. You abandoned me on my birthday in a public place with a strange man who was yelling at me AFTER you took his side a few years ago. That was what made me start seeing a therapist btw. You bring up hypothetical situations where we'd be on the opposite sides of a hypothetical civil war for no other reason than to divide us I guess. You've made it very clear that your politics are more important to you than I am. I get the very clear impression that you don't want me in your life so I'm not trying to be anymore. Dad: So, you're good as is ? OOP: If that's going to be your response to all of that, yeah Dad: Ok. OOP: Guess that means you're good with it too. Dad: I'm not going to push you into anything you're not good with.. OOP: Right, that fact that this was your only response to everything I just said means it's all true, and why would I want to pursue anything with someone who thinks politics are more important than their own daughter? Someone who betrays her and then abandons her in a scary situation? Dad: Sad it's come to this. You want to talk, you can call. It's up to you. OOP: Sad indeed. I bought a house btw and I'm moving on (censored) not that I think you'd every try to visit me but just in case I won't live there anymore Dad: So do you want to talk or not? OOP: Do you? Dad: I'm always open to conversation. OOP: Tell me now if you stand by anything you've said or done, cause if so I don't see the point in talking about it Dad: So, you don't take responsibility for anything?? OOP: Hahaha do I take responsibility for you abandoning me? No. For not being allowed at your house? The reason being because you and [redacted] wanted to talk about politics but wanted to prevent me from saying anything. No. For you not wanting to come to my house? No. For you avoiding family gatherings in general? No. For you loving your politics more than me? No. Do I take responsibility for having my own opinions and deciding that I won't stay silent anymore, sure. But you didn't like that. You liked it better when I just shut up and you could say whatever you wanted. It's never going back to that, if you do or say something shitty I'm going to call you out on it and hold you accountable. Those were some really shitty things you did to me and no matter what you think I did to deserve it, I absolutely did not deserve it, and you're not going to convince me otherwise. Dad: wow Dad: Well, congratulations on your house, and I really do hope things go your way. I hope you continue to be well. OOP: same to you. \~\~\~ **NEW UPDATE** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/154q3xj/update_im_the_daughter_of_political_dad_i_have/) (Daughter still) - Jul. 20, 2023 **UPDATE: I’m the daughter of political dad. I have receipts.** Check my profile for the history, but basically I found a post from my dad complaining that I barely talk to him and posted here to give the missing reasons. I’m deciding to go no contact with him because of texts he sent me this morning, screenshots in my profile. It speaks for itself but the summary is he sent me a photo of him and Janice meeting Mike Pence, which like that’s fine by itself I don’t care but he’s decided to rub it in my face knowing I don’t want to hear about it. Then he tried to gaslight me by saying he sent it to “honor Mike Pence’s wishes” and that it’s a “positive message”. I told him not to contact me anymore. I don’t need this nonsense in my life. Honestly it’s thanks to these posts and Reddit that the decision to cut contact was so clear to me, but I have to admit I’m shaking as I write this. It’s obviously not the outcome that anyone wanted. \~\~\~ **OOP's Receipts Part 2:** [The Mike Pence Texts](https://www.reddit.com/user/Remarkable_Move8152/comments/154pxu4/dads_texts_this_morning/) Transcript (dated July 20, 2023) (thanks to u/musicalmelz): Dad: [Image of three adults posing for a picture. Former Vice President of the United States Mike Pence is in the middle. The two adults on either side of him have their faces censored and are labeled as Dad and Janice.] Dad: Mike said to say hello and best wishes to my children. OOP: I need you to tell me why you sent me that. Dad: Honoring the man's wishes ... OOP: Did you think at all about how I would react to it? Dad: To a positive message ?? Dad: I guess that won't happen again .. OOP: It won't, but not for the reason you think. You know we don't agree on politics, that's what sparked the incident that led me to go low contact with you. I've told you how that day made me feel but you never understood. This proves that at the very least you still don't understand. It's childish. I was willing to keep up some sort of relationship with you as long as you didn't do anything malicious but you just can't help yourself. You sent this knowing full well that I would not like it. Then you tried gaslighting me about it being for his wishes or that it's a positive message. I can't do this anymore. I don't need someone in my life just trying to get a rise out of me, especially my own family. Do not contact me anymore. I'm done. \~\~\~ *Note: Since MAGA Dad is now cut off, I think this is more or less concluded. If nothing else, I think this is an interesting example of the 'missing missing reasons' that tend to be left out of AITA-type posts.* *Edit: Added transcripts for the text exchanges. Big thanks to u/musicalmelz for the third transcript and part of the second transcript!* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

The frustrating tale of a daughter and her MAGA dad.

NEW UPDATE

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15b8gxb/the_frustrating_tale_of_a_daughter_and_her_maga/

15bfxew

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/kamamad1 **OOP leaves and her kids are raised by a wolfpack** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Child abandonment!< **AITA for trying to get back into my kids lives?** [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ptb8vb/deleted_by_user/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Sept 22, 2021** I (28F) have three kids with my ex (30M). We were never married, but we dated while I was in college. My senior year, I got pregnant and had twins (both boys). He moved me in with him and we were raising our kids together. 14 months after giving birth to the boys, I had a girl. Immediately after I had postpartum depression. I wasn't doing well and I decided to go back home to my parents to try to clear my head. Once home, I saw my old bedroom, my old things and was kind of reminded of what I always wanted to do. I always wanted to take a gap year to travel, but I had gotten a scholarship to my first choice school and it seemed silly to pass it up. I decided then, this is what I needed to get in the right mental state. I called BD and told him I'm going to Europe for a couple of months. He was incensed and tried to talk me out of it. I explained this is what I needed to go back to being myself and be a better parent and partner. So I went. He called me the first couple of months and kept asking if I was coming back. Eventually he stopped calling. About six months in, my parents told me that he had filed to get full custody of the kids. I was mad he didn't tell me before doing it, but I thought I'd at least take full advantage and really see the world and get it out of my system. I traveled for a little over two years and visited every continent. When I was done, I really wanted to see my kids, but I felt guilty for not being present in their lives and I didn't want to face my ex. One of the friends I made in my travels, offered me a gig as an English teacher in a private school in Thailand. I took the opportunity and spend the next three years doing that. This year, I returned stateside and stayed with my parents. They showed me pictures of the kids and told me, my ex let them see the kids a couple of times. I got in touch with him, telling him I was ready to be involved in their lives and he flat out refused. I threatened to sue for custody and he just replied Good luck with that and sent my pictures of me partying in Europe. They are not flattering. My parents want to see their grandkids more, but they tell me it's all my fault for not being able to see them. AITA for trying to see them? **VERDICT: POST REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** **TOP COMMENT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE OOP AND HER EX** **u/rand0muser21** Reddit, it's my time to shine. Had to make a brand new account to not to reveal anything personal. I know exactly who this is, I know the kids and the dad. Those kids were raised by a wolfpack. When this pathetic waste of oxygen abandoned her kids, basically anyone and everyone who had a passing relation to the dad stepped up. His mom moved in for the first year to help with the babies. Neighbors, friends and relatives all donated or bought kids stuff for them. Clothes, diapers, toys, anything he needed. One of his friends manages a restaurant and he brought them unused food almost every night. I work at a bank, so I had nothing useful to contribute other than money and time. One of our buddies runs an MMA gym, and he has a kids class that starts after school, so he take them in after school until their dad gets off work. Whenever the kids need a babysitter, two or three rowdy men show up ready to be horseys or punching bags for the boys and tea party guests for the little girl. One of our other friends is a lawyer, he helped him gaining custody and advised him though the process. OP's parents are rich and they always offer money to help. On the advise of our lawyer friend he always refuses. That way they can't use that in any future custody battle. He didn't even let them introduce themselves as their grandparents, so they can't claim a relationship. Their dad is doing well now, those kids don't want for anything. Every Sunday night, he hosts us to watch football and hang out with the kids. His daughter delights in serving everyone "wheat juice." Their so much better of without this witch. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

OOP leaves and her kids are raised by a wolfpack

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15bfxew/oop_leaves_and_her_kids_are_raised_by_a_wolfpack/

15bmqxg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Guilty_Husband_ **I feel so guilty about my sexual desires and I don't want my wife to know about them** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!sexual fetishes, anxiety inducing!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Surprisingly heartwarming!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14zlmn6/i_feel_so_guilty_about_my_sexual_desires_and_i/) **July 14, 2023** I've been married to my wife for 13 years so far and I've been with her for 19, and practically this whole time I've been harboring sexual desires for her that I feel so guilty about. I love her so much and I want her to feel loved and to enjoy our every interaction, but I feel like some of my desires are so disgusting and I wish I didn't fantasize about them, but I don't want to tell her because she comforts me over things I feel guilty or embarrassed or just plain bad about all the time and I don't want to unload yet another thing she feels that she needs to soothe me for. Whenever I see her backside while she's naked I think about anal sex - I always fantasize about her absolutely loving it but from what I've heard it sounds like that sort of sex is usually very uncomfortable or even painful for women and I don't want to fantasize or be aroused by the thought of something that would hurt her. I can't hear her pee without thinking about her doing that on me and me doing that on her and the thought of that is just so nasty but excites me far too much. We took a bath together recently and the warm water made me feel like I needed to go and the thought of doing that while we were both in the bath was so embarrassingly arousing (although thankfully I made it out of the bath to actually do that in the toilet). I hate how much I love the thought of roleplaying things I don't even want to talk about here too, I wish I didn't feel so excited by all of these things. I want to be able to never ever think about them, but I want to be honest with her too, but she deserves so much better than to be soothing me about every little thing I feel worried about all the time. She already does so much to make me feel loved, supported, and comfortable, I wish my desires were more respectful to her and that I didn't worry about them. Edit: A lot of people are solely focusing on the sharing of these fantasies with my wife, but even if I told her what they are and she was happy to try them I would still feel very, very distressed. This is what is upsetting me, in order from least distressing (1) to most distressing (4) to better clarify. • Sharing the actual fantasies with her (this is just a bit nerve-wracking, I know she wouldn't think ill of me for them, even if she had no desire to try them). • Shame over even enjoying the actual fantasies (anal, pee, and the roleplay topics). I think it's disgusting that I am titillated by them at all. • Disgust with myself for fantasizing about doing these things with my wife without knowing if she would enjoy them. Whether she actually would or wouldn't isn't the distressing part (because obviously I want her to feel happy and pleasured always, so if she didn't want to do something we would never ever do it), the distressing part is that I thought about these things and felt aroused by them without first knowing that she enjoyed them. • Shame and anger with myself for feeling bad about this in the first place, especially if I told my wife about it. She already comforts me over so many things, I would be angry with myself if I shared this with her because I know she would know I feel guilty and want to make me feel better, and I feel like constantly needing her reassurance and comfort makes me a bummer and a burden to her. **ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14zlmn6/i_feel_so_guilty_about_my_sexual_desires_and_i/js0ybqo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Thank you very much for the response, it was very thoughtful and kind, and I really appreciate it. I do worry about things constantly - and I feel guilty about a myriad of things too. My wife comforts me about all kinds of things, I'm certainly a worrywart and I feel guilt very easily (frankly, I don't like myself very much, so I tend to focus on mistakes I make quite a bit). She's so kind and loving, she wants me to feel happy and better, but I hate that my feeling this way is always so visible to her and that it ends up resulting in another thing she feels she has to take care of. Yes, I'm often told that I'm worrying about or guilty over things I should not be or that I cannot control/couldn't have foreseen/controlled. I think your therapy recommendation is good, although I admit that the thought of not telling my wife and seeking therapy is the most terrifying combination. I feel guilty that she doesn't know about these fantasies too, they're all about her, after all. I feel like she has a right to know them no matter what. (I appreciate the porn comment, I don't really understand the appeal of it at all, but then again, a lot of things that are common in sex and even relationships deeply confuse me or do not appeal to me whatsoever). Thank you, I certainly hope to have a happy update at some point too. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **WHEN ASKED ABOUT HIS UPBRINGING** >You're probably right there. There's definitely something about me that makes it worse, but I won't deny that my Catholic upbringing didn't help. >I know she will still love me and won't think ill of me in the least for these fantasies, I just worry that I'll be burdening her with my guilt. Though I probably should still tell her sooner rather than later. >Thank you, I appreciate the support a lot * **OOP BEING ADVISED ABOUT COMMUNICATION DISCUSSING HIS KINKS WITH HIS WIFE** >My fantasies aren't harmful in any way to anyone else, to be clear. >I know she won't think ill of me at all for them, and that's not what is really bringing me distress. I would also like to emphasize that there is absolutely no way I would ever leave her for something as small (in my opinion/case, I understand that this differs for different people) as not wanting to indulge me in a fantasy. I would never ever throw away our relationship to chase orgasming a specific way, and furthermore I have never felt attraction to anyone else anyway. I think you are right that I need to talk to her though, she deserves to know. >I know my feelings are a problem, and I hope that it came across that I explicitly don't want my wife to have to worry over me and coddle me, I don't want to burden her like that. I think I do need therapy, but I admit that I am very scared to seek it. >Thank you for the advice. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/155ap54/update_i_feel_so_guilty_about_my_sexual_desires/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 21, 2023** About a week ago, I wrote a post about how I was ashamed of some of my sexual desires (namely fantasies about anal sex, peeing on each other, and certain roleplay fantasies) for my wife in a variety of ways. I took a day to think about what I would do after reading every response on my post, and I decided to first tell my wife about my fantasies and then talk about therapy regarding the very intense shame and guilt I feel about them and about burdening her with my feelings of shame and guilt about all sorts of topics in general. She was, as I expected deep down, incredibly supportive throughout the whole (painfully embarrassing) conversation. We talked about my fantasies and she told me that she would be more than happy to play them all out, and she was just so kind about it all. While this was lovely and made me feel loved (as she always does), it also added to my guilt about needing so much soothing, but we talked a lot about that. She told me it doesn't bother her, but since it bothers me and since I am bothered by guilty feelings about things so often, she thinks it would be very wise to see a therapist, and I agreed with her. We ended up finding someone and booking an appointment for Tuesday, so hopefully that will go alright, although I admit I'm rather terrified of it. My wife is so supportive though, I know she'll help me get through it, and I owe her so much for that. For better or for worse, we ended up trying two of my fantasies between our conversation and today (pee and the roleplay fantasy). While I still feel ashamed of the desires and of fantasizing about us doing them before I knew she would actually enjoy them, I found that playing them out did help relieve at least a little bit of the shame. It made them feel less disgusting, because my wife was so clearly enjoying herself with both of them, and it made me feel like less of a disgusting creep to know she liked them. It made them much more enjoyable too, not only because sex with her is simply better than masturbation, but because I felt less awful during and after. The bonding afterwards was particularly lovely as well. I still have a long way to go about letting go of some of this intense guilt, but I think these steps have been in the right direction. I have to admit, it was a great relief to have told her, I don't feel so alone anymore, and while I still don't feel good about liking these things for a number of reasons, I feel less horrible, and hopefully I will feel less and less horrible about these things and with things that make me feel guilty in general with time. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Lurker_the_Pip** >Good for you!!! >I remember your post and am so proud you were brave and talked to your fun and loving wife. >Enjoy your new kinky life and talking to someone will help with the guilt. **OOP replied** >Thank you very much, it's a relief to have told her and to be working on my feelings about this. She's so supportive too (emotionally and otherwise), I feel so lucky to be hers. * **MisterChocoLocko** >You guys are such a great couple. the support and love between each other is so apparent with your words. Continue to love and communicate and I promise that shame will fade. Good job with talking to your wife and properly getting help with your feelings of guilt. I promise your kinks are not that horrible, youre a good guy **OOP replied** >Thank you, I really adore her and I know she feels the same for me. And thank you, I certainly hope that the shame will fade and that my guilt complex in general lessens. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I feel so guilty about my sexual desires and I don't want my wife to know about them

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15bmqxg/i_feel_so_guilty_about_my_sexual_desires_and_i/

15bp09v

**Reminder: I am not the OOP. OOP u/Puppy_Cat_Boots**. Trigger warnings: >!Death of a loved one, dark humor, coping/grieving!< Mood Spoilers: >!It all works out in the end!< [WIBTAH for kicking my son out for making “dark humor” TikToks about our daughters death?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/155tjl7/wibtah_for_kicking_my_son_out_for_making_dark/) , posted on Friday, July 21st, to r/AITAH My daughter (16F) died 7 months ago in a car accident. The other driver was speeding and weaving in and out of traffic like a maniac on the highway, ultimately hitting my babygirl. The driver died on impact, but she died 6 hours later in the hospital due to her injuries. My wife and I attend individual therapy, as well as marriage counseling. It’s been extremely hard for both of us, but we have made considerable progress given the circumstances. We begged our son to get therapy and go to family counseling with us, but he refused. He’s 19 and in college so we can’t force him to go. Our therapist gave us a list of warning signs to look out for, and he seemed to be coping well with the loss. We decided to let him grieve in his own way. The issue is my wife discovered a video my son made that went viral on TikTok. It was reposted by another account. It was a dark humor video. “Before and after getting my drivers license” which was her school picture and then a picture of her gravestone/totaled car. The 3000+ comments were extremely fucked up and had similar “jokes”. We found his account which had more than one video like this. “Us then vs now” which had a baby photo of them and then cut to a selfie of him next to her hospital bed before she died. There were in total 5 different posts similar to this. Each similarly more disgusting. My wife was inconsolable. She had a severe mental breakdown. I had to take her to the ER so she can be sedated and given fluids due to her vomiting and hyperventilating. I confronted my son, who defended himself saying he uses these videos to “cope” with her death. That “dark humor” is the way he grieves. I could barley look at him. I told him to pack his things and stay with his grandparents. He was angry and said we both need to “move the fuck on” and stop taking our grieve out on him. It’s been 2 weeks and my wife doesn’t want to be anywhere near my son anytime soon. I can’t say I disagree. It’s been about giant 10 steps back for both our grieving process. Our son gone was supposed to be temporary, but my wife and I think it’s time for him move into an off-campus student apartment to give us all some space and establish boundaries. We haven’t told him this yet, but plan to when he returns home next week. While he was away he did apologize in a text to both my wife and I. However he still insists it wasn’t wrong for him to post those videos publicly for millions of people to see. He believes we are being too dramatic and taking it too personal. It took me threatening to disown him before he took down the videos. A few of my friends thinks we are going too far by essentially abandoning him and kicking him out of our home. They said to keep in mind he’s still a stupid kid, and he’s digging in his heels because he wants attention. We’ll be paying for his rent, but he will have to cover the other costs himself (food, gas) since that’s the most we can afford right now. He will have to get a part-time job while going to class. We still love our son but neither of us can handle this right now for the sake of our marriage and mental health. Honestly I think I need to put my wife first here, and if that means he needs to leave then I’ll do that for her. Plus he’s 19 (turning 20 soon), so it’s not like he’s a child… WIBTAH? Comments that OP cited in their update Agoraphobe961 > NTA. Using his sister’s death for internet clout is disgusting > Edit to add: he took a selfie with his sister on life support, there’s a time and place ffs. He also gave a text apology, then doubled down and called his parents dramatic and refused to take down the videos even though they triggered his mom into an ER visit. He said his parents were taking it too personally. IT’S ABOUT THEIR DAUGHTER, it’s literally almost the most personal thing you can get. u/CashMikey >> Where in the world does this confidence that clout was the most important thing coming from? Kids his age live their lives on social media in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable. But it doesn't take much time on TikTok to know that it's a part of life for them now, it's a core part of the way many teenagers experience and interact with the world, and it's not just for "clout" >> This kid is apparently just selfish and lacks empathy and wants to increase his social media following, but there's nothing in the post that indicates: >> * He said a single fucking word about likes, followers, or anything that indicated those things were important to him >> * That his father ever asked him "How is this helping you son? Why is it important to you to express yourself this way? What about this makes it easier for you to deal with your sister's death?" >> People up and down this thread are diagnosing him as a psychopath, saying he has a personality disorder, etc. and it's fucking bonkers. We have no idea why he felt this was an important way for him to grieve, and the folks labelling him this that and the other thing are accusing HIM of lacking empathy. That's exactly fucking backwards. >> It may ultimately be that the son's a complete dickhead, that he really doesn't care how these things impact his parents and he just wants likes and followers. But the information we have here is so far away from proving that, unless you are choosing to project your own hatred of social media culture onto this one person. >> Ultimately, this sequence of events can also be accurately described as: >> * 19 year old loses his sister >> * 19 year old finds comfort in posting dark humor about his sister >> * Parents find them and become extremely upset. Dad confronts the kid and after the kid defends himself, asks no follow up questions about why it's helping him and makes no further effort to understand, but kicks him out of the house, becoming so angry with his son that he can't even look at him. I'd bet every penny I have the son knew exactly what his father felt towards him in that moment, and it sure as hell wasn't love or empathy. >> * Only then, by the way, does the kid lash out ("move the fuck on") at the parents. After his father has reached the point where he is treating him with nothing but anger. The son was not the person who escalated away from a place of familial love here. That's an important detail. >> Everyone in this thread who is so gleefully tagging this kid with every name or psychological disorder in the book should take a deep fucking breath and consider who really lacks empathy here. >> I feel deeply for the father but the way he's lashing out at his son is ultimately on him and he is risking losing a second child because of his grief over the first. I won't call him the AH, I think all parties involved deserve some grace to figure out such a brutal situation. NAH, but I really hope OP reconsiders his stance towards this and seeks to understand his son a bit better. I think he will ultimately regret it if he doesn't. u/Potential-Cloud-801 >>> Grace. Such an amazing thing. It can move mountains. I agree, don’t cut your son off. He may feel very alone right now. u/genredenoument >>> I cannot upvote this enough. As a parent of 20, 24, and 27 year old men, they are very different than than we were at that age. They live an online life. The pandemic made this even worse. I wouldn't expect a 19 year old male who is separated from his family in college and going through the complete breakdown of a family TO post something psychologically balanced, thoughtful, and reasonable. I have seen worse coping behavior from grown adults. They just don't post it on TikTok. The mother's behavior was a complete breakdown and inability to function to the point of hospitalization, and everyone is pointing fingers at a 19 year old? I think this entire family is struggling. Expecting a 19 year old to have the emotional intelligence to cope with not only the loss of his only sibling, but essentially his family is unreasonable. Most people are looking at this through the lenses of far more adult experience, which is just not fair. The parents' reaction was neither reasoned, mature, or empathic, and they're more than twice his age. These parents appear to have a lot of unresolved anger, and their son has become a target for their rage. Yes, his post was hurtful, but people do stupid things in grief. His parents are right now. Just because they don't understand it doesn't make it wrong. Everyone needs to take a big step back before this family implodes. Grief and anger mix to make a toxic and blinding combination that often destroys the relationships of those going through it. I hope these parents don't lose a second child in the process. u/thoughtfulchick >>> NTAH overall OP but did you say to your son that you are there for him if he needs you? Did you tell him that you are sorry that your and his mother's grief has so overwhelmed you? Did you tell him that you love him? >>> He is still alive. And he's hurting too. So, he's NTAH either. He's just trying to cope same as you two. However, you and your wife have each other. He has no one. Especially now. Stay in touch, rein in your anger and have some empathy for him. He is your child and he lost his sister, and his parents. >>> I am very sorry for your loss. u/LoafOf_Bread > First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. I just want to add my two cents: I’m a teacher who gets along pretty well with my students (middle school and high school level) so they are always showing me or sending me tik toks or explaining new trends to me. > These dark humor-style Tik toks about a deceased relative are actually more common than you’d think. Your son is not the only person who has made them, and they are genuinely legitimate ways of coping with traumatic loss. I totally understand and empathize with your reaction, but I just want to make the case that people from the younger generation are not always making Tik toks like this out of disrespect, and they’re not always making light of a serious situation. > In this case, it’s pretty hard to justify him saying you need to “move the fuck on,” but I wonder if that is an example of him suppressing his grief, rather than him not feeling any. Again I’m not defending him, just suggesting another explanation for how his 19-year-old brain (the brain doesn’t finish developing until ~25 years old) might be dealing with this. > As a final thought, our generation and the younger generation view mental health differently. That’s just a fact. In the same way that you might see this as an inappropriate and unhealthy way to respond to grief, keep in mind that your way of responding to grief might look just as insane to him. u/Chemical_Act_7648 > NTA > If you're paying for university or his housing, you should make it a condition of continued funding to go to therapy. > It's not so much the videos that are the problem, and they aren't great, but his reaction to you shows a real lack of maturity and empathy. And if he is cognizant of the fact that the videos are some kind of coping mechanism, well there are more healthy ways to cope... like therapy. > Hopefully one day he will understand and deeply regret his actions. ​ > I'm so very very sorry for your loss, I can't imagine anything worse and if I lost my daughter there would be nothing left, I'd be gone. So I wish you great strength, she was a beautiful person. OOP > Thank you for your input. I think requiring him to have some sort of therapy for funding is an excellent idea. I’ll definitely speak this over with my wife. > Truthfully my wife and I are barley holding on most days, but therapy has been such huge help through this process. I suspect we’d both be divorced and dead by now if not for our support system. > Thank you for your kind words. My daughter was incredibly beautiful and strong. She was a force to reckoned with. I know if she was here with us right now she’d be slapping her brother upside the head using some VERY colorful language. She was never afraid to speak her mind, and was opinionated to a fault. Despite her hard exterior she was deeply emotional and empathetic. > A few months before she died we discovered a stray cat she was hiding in her bedroom. I had to put on my “dad voice” and reprimand her, but of course we kept the little dude. He still waits by the front door everyday at 3:00pm, waiting for her to get home from school. He ignored everyone but my daughter. He would act like a lapcat, follow her around the house and sleep with her every night. He just recently started letting my wife hold him. Still hisses at me though. > Also, even though she was a B/C student, she was SO smart. She taught herself Python. She begged us to enroll her into a coding camp for her summer break. She wanted to be a game developer and make games like Animal Crossing and a farming game (I forget the name now). She was so smart and loving. I miss her everyday. She was sarcastic, witty and hilarious. A pessimist like me with a heart of gold. She loved people and had tons of friends, and could talk to anyone and everyone for hours. > EDIT: I’m sorry I went on a bit of a tangent there. [[FINAL UPDATE] WIBTAH for kicking my son out for making “dark humor” TikToks about our daughter’s death?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1565i1g/final_update_wibtah_for_kicking_my_son_out_for/) updated later that day. Firstly, I’d like to send a sincere thank you to everyone who not only commented, but read my original post. This is a very dark and vulnerable time for my family. We are lost, confused and battling with a grief that has consumed us so entirely it hurts to physically breathe most days. Secondly, my son is a good man, son and brother. He loved and cherished his sister deeply, and I know in my heart that it was never his intention to make light of her death. Nor would he ever intentionally hurt his mother, myself or anyone. It’s been an emotionally exhausting and draining last few hours for both my family and I. However, I am happy to provide a bittersweet update for all the wonderful people who took the time to read my original post. You all helped me realize I needed to act now and fast if I were to ever repair our family. I called my son on the phone after reading the comments. I asked him why he posted those videos. He said he was just hurting. We were quiet for a while. His voice broke when he asked if me and his mom still love him. I failed my son. I failed him. What he needed was a father who gave unconditional love, support and protection. He needed his dad. I was too stupid, selfish and angry to see he was hurting more deeply than any of us. We lost our daughter, but he had lost his sister. We needed him to be the strong, mature son for his broken parents. The brave one. The one to shoulder our pain. We took his cry for help as him kicking us while we were down. My wife and I immediately left to go pick him up and bring him home. What I saw was a broken little boy needing his mom and dad. Not the pathological monster our grief painted him as. He had visible bags under his eyes and lost a lot of weight. We were too blind to see it. We both profusely apologized and will be showing him how sorry we are for the rest of our lives. We vowed to do right by him. We all cried together on the couch for a while. Our son is taking a year off of school to heal and work on his mental health by his request. He also agreed to attending weekly therapy. He will be home with us. We will also be seeing a family therapist. My wife is seeking medication to get a handle on her panic attacks. I signed up for a grief support group specifically for fathers. This is all just a start for a very long and difficult journey ahead of us. Thank you everyone for giving me a major kick in the ass and a wake up call. I may have lost a daughter, but I will not be losing my son. Not now or ever again. [Editor’s Note: OOP thanks the users whose comments were shared above, and also thanked several users who shared their own stories of loss, whose comments I chose not to include for the sake of not making this even heavier than it already is.] ——————————————————————— This community can move mountains, and affect the lives of real people facing real issues. I’ve learned a lot about what grief means for different people. No one’s grief is invalid or wrong, and everyone handles it differently. This is a lesson I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. This morning I am making pancakes and bacon while my son and my wife watch Netflix in the family room. The windows are open. Our daughter’s cat actually came out of her room on her own for the first time to lay on the couch with them. Our lazy Saturday. It’s the first time in months we did this since our daughter passed. It feels bittersweet. Different. But at the same time, it feels right too. Reminder: I am not the OOP. OOP is u/Puppy_Cat_Boots, who went through an immense, unimaginable tragedy and is doing his absolute best as a father and husband to keep himself and his family afloat, and doing pretty damned well all things considered. I’m sure we all wish OOP and his family all the best.

WIBTAH for kicking my son out for making “dark humor” TikToks about our daughters death?

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EllieDai

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15bp09v/wibtah_for_kicking_my_son_out_for_making_dark/

15c2ucw

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/realestate_reptile **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!disagreements, breakup, moving on!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for refusing to sell my rental properties at my fiance's request?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fcxvc2/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_my_rental_properties_at/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, March 03, 2020 Throwaway because you know. Two years ago I(36M) proposed to my fiance(30F), and our wedding is going to be this coming summer. When we met we both owned properties. She owned a pretty typical luxury townhouse, and I owned two properties in the inner city. We both agreed that when it was time to cohabitate, we'd live in her condo. I own an old 2 up 2 down duplex in a neighborhood that butts right up against an old industrial area, which I was living in until we moved together. and on the next block I also own a ~4000 sq ft concrete block industrial building. I got them as part of a screaming package deal about 12 years ago when you couldn't give property away in that neighborhood. I now rent the duplex to a couple of hispanic families (and god I hope they never leave me - best renters ever) and I rent half of the factory building to a guy who does HVAC and the other half to some microbrewery hipsters. The powers of gentrification have been at work in this hood for about half the time I've owned these places and I'm making beaucoup bucks on these rentals - I could lose my job tomorrow and not even blink. MY FIANCE DOES NOT SEE IT THIS WAY. Ever since we've moved in together she's been pestering me to sell the places. It's been ramping up the closer we get to the wedding. I keep telling her that as long as I own these places, its a practically guaranteed third source of income and would be invaluable if either of us hit a rough patch job-wise. She doesn't see it that way though, all she sees is a potential big pile of liquid cash that can go towards wedding, honeymoon, and upgrades to the living situation after. We had the biggest blowup yet about it last saturday and I kind of lost it. I'm a saver and she's a spender and I said that to her in far less pleasant terms, and also mentioned the amount of credit card debt she has, and since then things have been pretty frosty. AITA for refusing to sell my second income? ***Comments*** **lyralady** >INFO: " I'm a saver and she's a spender and I said that to her in far less pleasant terms, and also mentioned the amount of credit card debt she has, and since then things have been pretty frosty." what EXACTLY did you say? >Look, I don't think you're an asshole for this financial call to keep the properties, but CLEARLY something was said that is "less pleasant" and that might be an asshole thing. you probably will get NTA'd for this because if it's just "am I an asshole for not selling" the answer is no, absolutely not, but were you an asshole for how you defended that position to your fiance? I need clarification, lol. **OOP** >>Fair. >> >>I can’t remember everything verbatim, but the worst of it started with “if you didn’t spend so much fucking money on...” and ended with “your fucking credit cards!” with a long list of poor financial decisions and items she blows money on every month in between. >>It wasn’t nice, but this shit has been going on for YEARS at this point and this is the first time I’ve lit off like that. Won’t even be mad if someone calls me an asshole over that...it needed to be said. ***Judgement - Not the A-hole*** --- &nbsp; [**UPDATE: AITA for refusing to sell my rental properties at my fiance's request?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gzrzhj/update_aita_for_refusing_to_sell_my_rental/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, June 09, 2020 So, 'the conversation' didn't happen until the weekend of the 14th of March. Life got in the way. It started fine, but quickly went south and ended in a big fight that degenerated into a lot of petty shit-slinging by the end. She accused me of not trusting her (fair) and I pointed out that her habits make it basically impossible to trust her with money anyway...probably not my proudest moment. But, I did again make it clear in no uncertain terms that the properties are staying in the LLC and I won't sell them, and that the financial decisions regarding them would be mine alone. I may have also had a few choice words about the princess-for-a-day wedding she wanted. After a couple of weeks of avoiding each other, and not talking, and me sleeping in the basement of the townhouse, I said I wanted to hit the pause button and leave for a while. She was upset but didn't say much. I loaded up my things and went to my parents' house and told them what happened. They told me I could stay as long as I needed. Somewhere near the end of April, I got a call from her dad out of the blue (what the hell) demanding to know what was going on and why I'd broken things off. I tried to explain what had been going on but he was the angry dad of an upset young woman and I don't think much got through. That call ended with him calling me a scumbag and hanging up on me. I've only had a few properly long-term relationships end in my lifetime, but that's the first time I've had an angry father yell at me about one. There's been no contact since. I'm sad that just over four years of my life with someone went up in smoke like this, but that's the way she goes I guess. My parents didn't seem very surprised when I showed up, so maybe I really was the last one to know what was going on, like so many redditors were pointing out. For some good news, and also the thing that reminded me to update my reddit post, is that yesterday I bought another house, one for me to live in. A tiny little brick postwar brick ranch in an old subdivision about 20 minutes from my rentals. It needs work but I'm looking forward to having a project to take my mind off things. It's going to be strange living on my own again, but I think I'll manage. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for refusing to sell my rental properties at my fiance's request?

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15c2ucw/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_my_rental_properties_at/

15c30bg

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/JuanitaaRodriguez **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!mention of cancer, bullying, loss of a loved one!< mood spoilers: >!grief, tension, a touch of warmth!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for throwing my sister and her son out of my house?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uj9izs/aita_for_throwing_my_sister_and_her_son_out_of_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, May 05, 2022 I (35M) am a single father of 3 boys (10M, 7M and 3M). Their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. It has been a rough year to say the least. My sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. She has a son, my nephew (9M) who stays with us most of the time. My nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. A few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. He called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. I talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. Yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. It was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. The boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and I asked them both to calm down and behave. My son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. I choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. I figured I'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so I just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. I comforted my son and we went back to the party. Before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying I had no business disciplining her child. I told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". I had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y". My in-laws were crying, I was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. I told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. She said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least I'm still a normal person". She stormed off. After the party I told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. She is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. AITA for throwing her out? ***Comments*** **zay_mecca** >I've read some of your comments about your wife. The one that got me the most is about how you were saying that you are the last link between your children and wife. Your plans to tell them everything you remember about her and how amazing she was. I can't stop crying. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm so very sorry for your boys. I'm a complete internet stranger but even I feel the love you had for her. **OOP** >>Thank you so much. She was an absolutely spectacular person and I have been the luckiest man in the world to just get to spend all this time with her. I've been with her for half my life, and she gave me my beautiful boys. I love her to death. My heart breaks for my boys, because I know that her absence is shaping and impacting them in ways I cant predict or change, but watching them grow up and becoming good, kind, compassionate people, just as she was, keeps me going. &nbsp; **UPDATE was added to original post** My mom agreed to take my sister in temporarily, and my nephew is still going to his dad's because now his dad is saying that there's no way he's letting my sister ruin their kid. I want to thank you all for your kind words and all the love and support. Also, to everyone who also shared about losing a loved one, I am so so sorry for your loss. My nephew is supposed to leave tomorrow morning, my mom is picking my sister up right around that time, and my in=laws are bringing my boys back in the evening. We'll have a little post-birthday thing for my little one when they come, just me, the boys and my in-laws. Just some ice cream (he said he prefers it over cake) and a few cartoons. One day at a time. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for throwing my sister and her son out of my house?

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15c30bg/aita_for_throwing_my_sister_and_her_son_out_of_my/

15cbtzx

Originally posted by u/dressofmydreams in r/AmItheAsshole on July 18, '23 updated over the next 3 days. Latest update posted Aug 2, '23. *I'm adding it at the bottom, after the 🔴🔴🔴, per sub rules (If a NEW UPDATE occurs within the 7 days hold period, add it to your post) &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Vindictive wedding sabotage!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/153a712/aita_for_kicking_my_sil_out_of_my_bridal_party/)** July 18, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for kicking my SIL out of my bridal party for posting a pic of me in my wedding dress??** I (27F) got engaged to my fiancé (34M) right before covid and due to the pandemic have experienced delay after delay. But FINALLY we have begun planning and are aiming at a mid May 24 wedding. My mother asked me if I could include my SIL in my bridal party because after marrying my brother moved several states away and has expressed feeling isolated without family around. I could understand so I agreed. BUT my SIL has been nothing short of a nightmare. My bridesmaid all assisted in handwriting and sending out our wedding invitations, but the ones my SIL helped with all had zero invitation inside and instead was an empty envelope (I know they were hers because everyone had different shades of pink envelopes to go from). She also took the longest at our makeup and hair consultations even extending her appointment an hour (to which I was charged— I am covering her expenses as she is a SAHM and I know things are tight right now) because she could not agree with the stylist on what makeup she wanted. But the final straw came when I found the dress of my dreams. Only problem was I was 15 pounds too heavy for it and I bawled my eyes out because I knew this was the dress for me. Everyone was encouraging and I still had plenty of time to lose 15 pounds and come back for fitting etc so I agreed and said yes to the dress. When I got home that night I noticed on my SILs Instagram that she has posted a picture to her Instagram of me in the dress ugly crying and I was absolutely livid. My fiancé has already seen the Instagram picture and I am devastated, he was not supposed to see me in the dress until our wedding day and I know so many more people have seen it! I could not help myself I called her and exploded adding that she was not going to be in my bridal party and that she has ruined my wedding. My mother has called me and told me that even though she understands I lacked compassion and have severely hurt my SILs feelings. She asked if I could find it in my heart to forgive but I told her even if I did that I still would not include her in my party. AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* OP: I can tell from my best friend being the picture holding my hand that this picture was taken at my most vulnerable moment and that was right after I was told there was no way at the weight I was I could fit into the dress and that it was their only size left. I do not exaggerate when I say the picture is me looking an emotional and hot mess. I have dug deep for a way to forgive this but I just cant. It feels intentional and because we have not spoken since I never received an apology not even when we spoke initially on the phone. >what does your fiancé say?? OP: He wants her out of the wedding completely. And I’m starting to come around to his point. I don’t want to decide this in anger but it’s been hours and I’m still so hurt. >Is your brother by chance the golden child? OP: My brother was my moms miracle baby and because of this she has always doted on him. But ever since my SIL came it has gotten worse she has given my mom what I will never be able to and that is grandkids. Because of this my mom and SIL have grown very close and are able to bond in ways that my mom and I can’t. This may be why my mother is so hasty to defend her. >How in every fuck do you not put the invitations into the envelopes by accident? That's not rhetorical, how did that actually happen? What was the explanation? How many envelopes are we talking about? >The photo situation is also ridiculous but she's already trying to weasel her way out of that; however, there is ZERO ambiguity about the difference between an empty vs. stuffed envelope, especially multiple of them. OP: I brought her the envelopes and names/addresses of the guest to send them to before I brought her the cards. I had picked up the envelopes because they were ready but the cards were gonna be delivered two days later. She told me that because the envelopes were the only thing she got she thought they were good to go and sent them out. I had spoken with her when I handed her the envelopes but because she was dealing with her kids while trying to listen to me she “didn’t hear me when I said I would drop the cards off the next couple of days”.. but when I dropped the cards off she never mentioned to me that she had already sent out the envelopes she only told me after I called her about them being empty. >Why were the invites sent so early/were they save the dates? OP: You are correct I mistyped earlier these were save the dates. As for hair and makeup I especially booked for this time around due to some insecurities of my own I wanted to know that my stylist could make me the bride I wanted to be and she agreed to this consult and an additional one in Jan. It gave me a peace of mind and I am able to not stress about it. To me it was worth the extra money. >girl, just elope. OP: It’s true my fiancé always has my back even when I don’t have it. He makes me stronger for it. I bounced the idea of eloping to him and he says he doesn’t mind but that he wouldn’t want it to be a decision I made because of the situation. I think I’ve decided to continue on with my wedding but in no circumstance allow my SIL anywhere near me or my venue. *Judgment: Not the Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reveddit.com/v/AmItheAsshole/comments/153a712/aita_for_kicking_my_sil_out_of_my_bridal_party/)** &nbsp; **1st UPDATE:** My brother reached out to me to apologize on my SILs behalf. He stated that she posted it thinking the app had the feature to where she could post privately. I have never seen this on Instagram or knew it was possible BUT when I asked why the picture was taken in the first place he said she just wanted to capture the start of my “fitting into the dress” journey. I told my brother she was not getting back into my bridal party which he understood but when I mentioned she could not attend my wedding he stated if that were the case he could not come either. **UPDATE 2:** My brother and SIL did not have a wedding. At the time they were in their third year of college and only married at the courthouse over a summer break. I admit that I do not have a very close relationship with her i work longer hours and often am tired after so go straight home to relax especially these last few years. Any time we have been together we are cordial but there is no real relationship between us.. **UPDATE 3:** Thank you everyone for the positivity and for re-affirming that I was not overreacting on no longer having my SIL in my bridal party. For further update my brother called me and wanted to have lunch with my mother and SIL. My fiancé demanded to go too so we drove to have lunch with them. It was awkward at first because no one was speaking but then my brother spoke up reiterating to me that my SIL was sorry for posting the picture to Instagram and was hoping we could all move on from this. When my fiancé heard this he asked why my SIL was not apologizing to me directly. It became very tense and my brother and fiancé started exchanging pointed words (he referenced my SIL feeling very distraught since a few of my bridesmaids had seen the photo and personally attacked her on Instagram) and even my mom got involved to try and break the rising tension. My fiancé pointed out that my SIL had yet to directly apologize to me, and that if she didn’t he did not want her at the wedding at all and he didn’t care if my brother was absent or not. When my mom said we are family and shouldn’t act this way toward each other my fiancé once again insisted that she give me a face to face apology. My SIL was very standoffish toward him but eventually she apologized to me for what happened. She only said “I’m sorry for what happened”. I felt this was enough but my fiancé demanded she clarified what happened, take responsibility for it, and apologize the same way my brother did to which it became an argument over whether or not the apology was good enough. I felt the conversation went no where and became redundant and petty and we ended lunch with what felt like no resolution. I talked to my fiancé in the car that I was ok with her apology but he disagrees. He said for the sake of peace I was “willing to accept less than I deserve”. I really thought that planning a wedding was going to be stressful but happy of that makes sense but this whole ordeal has completely exhausted me but turned me off to any further planning. **LAST UPDATE:** *Added nearly 3 days after original post* my SIL finally said that she absolutely hates me and it all stems from me ceasing to further loan my brother money after he borrowed 42k from me over a 2.5y timeframe (with no payment to me whatsoever). For context I am in tech and my fiancé is in solar so we live fairly comfortably, my SIL is a SAHM and my brother works at a warehouse. His job alone was sometimes not enough to cover expenses and he would often come to me to borrow money which I didn’t mind. But when Covid hit it became a regular occurrence for me and my mom to be loaning out money to him (I don’t know how much my mother loaned him.) well after my brother got a steady job with a steady income I decided to no longer provide him any additional money until he paid down some of his debt to me. My SIL described my decision as a slap in the face to my brother and one that made them feel like beggars rather than family. I cannot believe this is the reason she does not like me, when I told my brother I could no longer loan him money he never expressed an anger at my decision it felt like he understood. What solidified my decision to not include her in my wedding at all was when she said she could see where the money was going and referenced my weight. I told her she has no respect for me, and feels entitled when she has no right to be. I told her that I hoped it didn’t affect my relationship with my niece/nephew but that I did not want to be around her if all she does is spew hatred toward me. I wished she had been honest before I asked her to be my bridesmaid rather than deciding to put me through hell. I’ve been trying to call my brother and tell him what she said but he is not picking up. And neither is my mom. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 Aug 2, '23 (added in a comment on original post) UPDATE: Hi everyone I’m sorry I guess I thought after discovering why SIL had done this no one would be interested in what happened after. My wedding will proceed but it will be minus my mother, my brother, and my SIL. When I finally got ahold of and spoke with my brother we had one of the first real talks we’ve ever really had. He told me that with the new job and loss of support from our mother and I him and SIL have really struggled in their marriage and not because of us but because SIL has failed to adjust to their new income (racking up more credit card debt that my brother has to take responsibility for in paying. When he thought he took her credit card away he discovered that she had just applied for and was approved for a new one.) this has led to several arguments between them and he even discovered our mother has taken on some of the responsibility with the credit card debt since she overheard SIL threatening to leave him and take the kids with her. He told me he appreciated me deeply for everything I did for him and his family during the pandemic, and was sorry for everything that took place after with the wedding and SIL especially considering all of the delays, but he also said he doesn’t want her to leave him and if a side had to be taken he’d pick SIL. I told him I understood his decision and that I’d always be there to help him if he needed it. I don’t know if this is me rolling over and allowing him to walk over me but it felt good for me at the moment to at least end things there. Our mother had a eerily similar response which led me to believe they had already spoken about it beforehand. I told her I would no longer cover her credit card if she was going to further enable SIL and I would put it toward finding a new and better wedding dress.. as well as a therapist. All of this has really opened my eyes that for as long as I can remember I have chased my family’s approval. I have bent over until I’ve broken to get them to see me in the same light as my brother. And I’m realizing through you guys, my friends, and my fiancé, that this is unhealthy and I deserve better. So thank you guys for being there and supporting me through one of the roughest times. You guys are amazing!! &nbsp; *Flairing this ongoing as the wedding hasn't happened yet and I would be surprised if SIL didn't do something else to try to ruin the Brides day.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for kicking my SIL out of my bridal party for posting a pic of me in my wedding dress??

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15cbtzx/aita_for_kicking_my_sil_out_of_my_bridal_party/

15cd0ro

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Bannanna_La **Posted with the permission of OOP** **I just found out my coworker is my cousin and that my Aunt has a secret affair child.** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, child abandonment!< [Original Post](https://web.archive.org/web/20230702070336/https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/141k56w/i_just_found_out_my_coworker_is_my_cousin_and/?sort=controversial) **June 5, 2023** I (21F) just found out that my coworker Ruby (18F) is actually my cousin and I’m stunned! The world is small. My Aunt got divorced from my Uncle some years back but I don’t think anyone knows about this at all. I mean I have cousins who don’t even know yet and I don’t think her husband knew either. When my Aunt was in another state for work and married, she had a whole entire relationship on the side had a baby and basically left. What I heard from my friend/coworker and now cousin, she’s seen her sometimes and was around for a little while when she was a kid and haven’t seen her again since she was 5. The only way I found out was looking at her home-screen at a Christmas picture and I said hey how do you know that women in the photo that’s when she explained. Ruby and her dad actually knew that her mom had another family. My other cousins and her ex husband don’t know about Ruby though! I don’t know if I should tell my cousins about this. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Awesome_one_forever >Who cheated first? Maybe he knew and just played dumb. OOP replied >I don’t really know who cheated first, and I’m not brave enough to ask either of them but I feel like it was probably my ex-uncle. >My aunt use to cry over my moms all the time about it for as young as I can remember. A hunch of mine thinks she cheated out of spite but who knows. >Their whole entire marriage was so toxic. * Dresden_Mouse >They are already divorced right? Was for cheating? If yes there's little hurt to her image, but that girl deserves to know at least the half siblings, maybe she should simply add them in FB and see how it goes. OOP replied >The ironic thing is that my uncle cheated on her, and got another women pregnant. So he left my aunt for his mistress. [Update](https://web.archive.org/web/20230611221811/https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1477494/update_i_found_out_my_coworker_is_my_cousin_and/) **June 11, 2023** Please click on my account to find the previous post because none of this will make sense if you don’t. To those of you who have seen my previous post I did take your advice and I left it up to Ruby about what she wanted to do and she really did want to meet her sisters. One of my cousins (Ruby’s sister) was having a housewarming party this weekend and I spoke with her before hand about the situation which she was doubtful but agreed to me bringing her. This all happened yesterday, when I brought her with her my two cousins (her sisters) automatically saw a resemblance to my aunt and themselves as well. Side by side one of my cousins and her look like they could be twins. We were talking about the resemblance and my cousins were mostly just quiet and confused. Ruby showed them the Christmas photo and they believed her. My cousin holding the housewarming party I will call Lima cried. I talked with her and asked if it was because she was upset with her mom but she said it was because she wish she knew she had another sister and she’s just very sentimental when it comes to family. My cousins Lima and Lina were very close to Ruby for the rest of the evening and all of our family at her house had some questions. It looks like there wasn’t too much drama until today. My aunt called my phone over 30 times when I was sleeping after the house party. I haven’t called her back but it sounds like all hell broke loose. When I called my cousin Lima she told her dad (aka ex-uncle) it turns out he did not know about Ruby and called to curse my aunt out. I am right now anxious to talk to my aunt right now. I am just glad that Lima and Lina got to meet Ruby. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I just found out my coworker is my cousin and that my Aunt has a secret affair child.

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15cd0ro/i_just_found_out_my_coworker_is_my_cousin_and/

15ciogr

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/tafornoweg **in** r/AmItheAsshole Mood Spoiler: >!Evil stepmother vibes, but a positive update!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155rmmj/aita_because_i_38f_dont_want_to_take_my_stepson_9/) \- Jul. 21, 2023 **AITA because I (38F) don't want to take my stepson (9) on vacation?** My husband (39) and I have been married for 5 years. We have two children of our own, both girls, aged 5 and 2. I also have a son (10) from a previous marriage, but I was widowed. My husband's ex is barely involved in stepson's life at all. They got divorced when stepson was 2, and his ex wanted "a fresh start" so my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody. I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. We've been on family vacations all together lots of times. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid. I want stepson to stay with his mom while we go on vacation. My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable. My mom found out what I was planning and says I'm being a complete AH. These are the reasons she says I could be the AH: 1. My mom says that if stepson's mom isn't properly involved in his life, I should be even more involved in his life to compensate (I think this is a completely unfair expectation). 2. She also says that I'm being a hypocrite taking my son, but I think that's totally different because my son DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT. I'm all he's got. If stepson's mom won't take him just for once then obviously he'll come on vacation with us. But I don't think I'm the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time. It's not like I hate stepson or something, he's a nice kid, he's just not mine. Am I the AH? \~\~\~ **Relevant** [**Comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155rmmj/comment/jsvovqd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**:** *INFO: If my math is right, you and your husband got married when stepson was 4?* *What kind of relationship does stepson have with you versus with his bio mom?* **OOP's** [**Response**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155rmmj/comment/jsvqvl5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**:** *Yes, he was 4, and as I said, he barely sees his bio mom. I'm not sure what point you're making?* (Editor's note: *oof*) **OOP is heavily criticized and voted YTA** \~\~\~ **Update -** Jul. 22, 2023 *(Assumed. She tried to post a* [*separate update*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/156vj6k/update_aita_because_i_38f_dont_want_to_take_my/) *which was removed, so she added it to the original post instead.)* **UPDATE: AITA because I (38F) don't want to take my stepson (9) on vacation?** We definitely won't be going on vacation without stepson. After a couple hours of replies, I decided to show this to my husband. We sat down and had a really long talk about it. He told me he's never been comfortable with my attitude to stepson, but didn't know how to say to me before. I don't want to be a bad person, I just never thought of stepchildren being "yours". I don't think it would be easy for anyone to accept this level of criticism, but all your replies have shown me I have a LOT of work to do. As many of you suggested (and so did my husband) I intend to see a therapist to help me with that. As I said, I don't hate stepson in any way, I have never been deliberately cruel to him, I've just always thought of him as my husband's child. But I realize my mindset needs to change. So I'm going to start working on that. I want my family to be the best it can be, and I need to accept that it includes my stepson. I understand that now, and I'm going to start seeing a therapist to become a better person (we've also talked about maybe having family therapy too). I've also made up with my mom, and she is 100% behind the changes I want to make in my life. It wasn't easy to hear everything you said, but I understand that I needed to hear it. \~\~\~ *Note: Marked as concluded since the primary issue has seemingly been resolved, and OOP didn't indicate that they planned to update again. Wishing her stepson the best.* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is** ***not allowed!***

AITA because I (38F) don't want to take my stepson (9) on vacation?

CONCLUDED

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ciogr/aita_because_i_38f_dont_want_to_take_my_stepson_9/

15cipdf

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrwawayRA84248291 **I think... My car was stolen by a local tow company?** **Originally posted to** r/Austin [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Austin/comments/14nlczm/i_think_my_car_was_stolen_by_a_local_tow_company/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 1, 2023** Long, weird-ish story. My car was at a dealership. We are now a part of a class action lawsuit, and had to buy a third car because of it. The car doesn't run, and won't ever end up running again without the recall from said car company being rolled back out. So we paid the diagnostic fee, for the dealership to "diagnose" that the engine was dead (due to a manufacturing flaw they're being sued over and have rolled out multiple recalls over). Well today my spouse thought he was talking to AAA, and they were picking up the car. The person on the other end assured them they were AAA. I told him that was weird, because AAA requires you to be on site for a tow with your ID. But I didn't know if they'd worked something out, since I was at work all day. I get home and the car isn't here. Mind you, I'm not super concerned about it because the fucking car doesn't even run. It's basically a piece of trash I owe 12k on that's going to sit in my driveway. I speak to him before he goes to bed and he comes out with this: The tow truck shows up and demands payment. He is adamant he has AAA service and isn't paying, because he wouldn't have had them pick up the car if he had known they weren't AAA. They leave with the vehicle. I have no idea who has my car. He doesn't either. All of the phone numbers he wrote down, when I googled them, came up as scam numbers. Neither of us signed for the car to be picked up. No one signed for the dealership to release it. I have no fucking clue how this even happened. I have never even picked up my *own* car without signing paperwork for it. They just gave it to them. Now I'm concerned I'm going to need to pay hundreds in tow fees, if I can track down this random tow company, which, I don't even fucking know who it is? And I never ever agreed to release my car to. I love my spouse. But he isn't always the brightest bulb. And this is just... I can't. Can I file a police report with APD? Was my car stolen???? What the fuck? [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/Austin/comments/14oacs4/update_on_my_car_being_stolen_by_a_tow_truck/) **July 2, 2023** Well, I certainly feel like the fucking thing was stolen. This guy just purchased a tow truck and is an owner-operator. He was definitely trying to charge some crazy amounts too. I referred him to this website: Consumer Information about Towing - Texas.gov Updated to add correct website He said he had never heard of it and didn't care and if he really wanted to he could have charged me $800 to get my car back when he first towed it to the house. He also kept switching back and forth between calling himself another name and then referring to an owner, and then referring to himself. I think he's the only employee. He kept referring to some mystery person and when I asked him who that was, he was really non-specific. He'd then call someone his boss. Then he'd tell me he was the owner and his name was Yousef. I'm pretty sure he's the owner, and only employee. He told me my husband told him the first day that he was going to have him waste his time and drive our car to the house, pretending he has cash. My spouse would have never agreed to pay for a tow, as stupid as he is, he knows he wouldn't pay for AAA. He went back and forth between wanting me to pay $500 and even at one point went to $350 "because I was being respectful." I'm setting a date in tow court because I really don't think this guy is going to release my car if I pay him the $350 he lowered it to. I had a police officer in round rock involved at one point and he was basically like, yeah, this guy is shady. I couldn't get the dude to answer about 90% of my calls but he would answer the cop immediately. I also have him changing the price by removing "taxes and other fees if paid in the next 30 minutes" in text messages, along with telling us we need to stop involving the police because it isn't their business. So, we'll see how tow court works out. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Texastexastexas1** **schnozberry** >How exactly did your husband confuse this guy with AAA? Is he a few marbles short or was there some greater than usual deception going on? >AAA has a full service call center and dispatches drivers from it. They verify your AAA number and personal information before they dispatch anyone. You never speak directly to a driver over the phone until they notify you they are within a certain distance of pickup or drop off. **OOP replied** >He's never used AAA before because I do literally everything. I am going to assume he was also stoned or something. This honestly has me questioning a lot of things. He's incredibly charming, and handsome. I suppose this hides some of the stupidity that might be hiding in there. I honestly have no idea. He said he assumed they would verify the information with him and could pull up his account with his phone number. >Either way, being a total fucking moron doesn't mean you should be lied to and ripped off. Although it does, apparently, make it much more likely. >I know he did google "AAA towing" because my phone is connected to my computer, and when I went to show him the AAA website, that was in my recent search history on my phone. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/Austin/comments/14rsram/update_on_the_towedstolen_vehicle_saga/) **July 6, 2023** Yousef is housing my vehicle at his personal home address. Why is he doing this? I don't know. My car is full of tools. Tools that are worth more than the car at this point. I had neglected to get them while the car was at the dealership. Ignorantly, I assumed eventually, the car would be back at my house. After days of pressing Yousef for the location of my vehicle so I could inspect it and retrieve said tools, he kept acting as if he were in an actual hostage negotiation. Saying things like "You can pick up on Friday - give me an hour notice and I will provide you the address." and "I am scared to tell you the location. If I tell you now and you do not show up by 7 pm, you can only get your belongings when the vehicle is released." After being pressed, and thinking whatever weird little thoughts go on in his head, he sent me the address. It's his fucking home address. To say I want myself or my spouse at his extremely shady house rifling through our car is the understatement of the year. This guy honestly seems so fucking shady (is so fucking shady) that I would be concerned for my safety. He also does not seem very bright. I am concerned that he might become afraid or try to shoot us like all those stories you see in the news. A random person uses their driveway, and in their peanut brain they need to come out guns blazing. I do believe Yousef could be that type of stupid. I feel, personally, that I am being pranked in some way. All of this gets more and more stupid by the day. And every time I think, "This has got to be the dumbest fucking thing." something even fucking dumber happens, or is revealed to me. I've e-mailed my application for a date in tow court. I'm exhausted but tonight I'm putting in my TDLR complaint. I failed an exam last week because I spent so much time chasing Yousef down and going back and forth so I didn't study at all. I honestly feel like I'm developing a Rosie O'Donnell-Donald Trump style relationship with this man, and when our conflict is gone I'll miss it. Or maybe not. I don't know. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Slypenslyde** >This sounds more and more like you need a lawyer, not self-representation. There has to be some kind of civil suit here and I'm still not convinced the dealer was in the right releasing the vehicle in the first place. >Not sure what "tow court" is but I feel like you need bigger guns if you want your car back. **OOP replied** >The craziest part is the car doesn't run. I owe as much on it as it'll cost to get the fucking thing running. I am going to be paying on a vehicle for the next 3 years, that unless Ford does a recall and replaces the engine - is scrap metal. I could maybe get $1200 for it. That's a huge maybe. The biggest stick is I'm stuck paying for full coverage on it. I'm not angrier because the guy just has trash that was going to sit in my driveway. >I may be able to get that douche with the ghost hunting show to buy it. There's more and more evidence compounding that it is in fact a cursed object. [Update 3 - The tow court/car theft saga has ended.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Austin/comments/156tx9p/the_tow_courtcar_theft_saga_has_ended/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 22, 2023** I won in court. Two days prior to winning, dipshit contacts me and says, "I have you car for 15 days, and in 15 days you'll lose it..." You can insert some other bullshit about how he doesn't want to have to take my car, and he wants to work with me. I inform dipshit that we're going to court. Dipshit becomes concerned, and immediately starts lowering the price and offering to drop the car off. He does this while insisting there's no way we're going to court because he hasn't been served. I inform him I've fulfilled my obligations and am under no means required to ensure he has/receives proper service in tow court. I tell him I'll give him $150 and he needs to give me my fucking car back the next day. I pick up my car from him with an *actual fucking tow truck driver from AAA.* While we're waiting there the driver informs me the lot is where he keeps his tow truck. He also says I should call the cops, because the guy isn't licensed to keep cars at this location and he also isn't responding to calls and texts at this point. Dipshit responds to ask me my problem and call me annoying and I believe tell me to shut the fuck up, or something like that before finally arriving. This is after an hour of us waiting there for him. Dipshit arrives and it's literally some fucking kid. He gave my boobs an angry stare, demanded his money and releases my car to the other tow truck driver who immediately starts cracking jokes about how I owe him $400. When I finally get to court, he doesn't show. I tell the judge the story and he seemed confused to say the least. Honestly he seemed to express that he wasn't sure my car hadn't been stolen/this was a real towing company. He basically says, "Well, this guy didn't show up and good luck getting your money back, I'm ruling in your favor." He rules I'm owed my $150 plus 55 in court costs. I disputed the charge with my bank, who was also confused by my continued mention of fraud and a court order. The lady had no fucking clue what I was talking about. Hopefully that works out. I'm sorry it wasn't less anti-climactic. At this point I expected the guy might show up at my house and tow a different car to teach me a lesson or something. I'm sure if I'd have just waited my car would have been released for free, but having it released for $150 ensured that even if I'd lost I'd paid far less than what it'd be if the judge had sided with him. That's the last of a story y'all didn't give a fuck about and let me carry out over the course of many weeks. MY POS car is now parked outside as a $300/mo reminder to never, ever buy American again. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Rocket_Fodder** >Does your idiot spouse have AAA in their phone now? **OOP replied** >>Hey! Only I'm allowed to say that **TheMartok** >>>Answer the question!!!! **OOP replied** >>>>Only I'm allowed to have vehicles towed. I'm not fucking doing this again. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I think... My car was stolen by a local tow company?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15cipdf/i_think_my_car_was_stolen_by_a_local_tow_company/

15ciu8q

**I am not The OOP's, OOP's are u/Wild_Analyst_5101 & u/Important_Club9790 **AITA for not wanting to close my gfs closet** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole & r/TwoHotTakes **Thanks to u/czechtheboxes for bringing this to the BoRU discord** **Thank you to u/LadyRogue & u/RaulEndymi0n & u/Togepi32 for help on the relevant comments** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!dealing with PTSD, and trauma from severe fear!< **THE BOYFRIENDS POST** [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154l6ud/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 20, 2023** My gf [24F] and I [23M] have been together for almost 3 yrs now. We get along well and didn't fight much which is why l'm confused over this situation. Gf lives on her own in apartment and works full time. Where as I am still living with my parents until I finish college. I was originally planning on moving in with my gf into her apartment once she renews her lease until we had our disagreement. my gfs place is pretty basic, I guess you can say it's got a "modern and minimalist" look, that is until u go to her bedroom. There's a lot of these glow in the dark stars all over her closet door and wall. I remember when I asked her about it she told me that when she was young she experienced a traumatic event. To help with her anxiety she placed the stars as a guild to help her see if there was a silhouette either in front of the door or if the door was open? (idk if that makes sense). She said she only asked that I keep that door close especially at night. I was understandable about the situation. So when I first spent the night over, I made sure to check if the closet was closed while she slept earlier. Months went by and there were instance where I did accidentally forgotto close it. She’d wake up the next day and ask me about it "hey did u forget to close the door last night.” I apologized for it, and she’d saying something like please don't forget next time. I had no problem with it at first, though lately it's been getting annoying. It felt like that's all she wanted to talk about first thing in the morning. I voice my feelings on it one day and she just responded by saying "well then please close the door, it's not that hard. I sometimes deal with sleep paralysis" I got irritated by that because it felt like she just wanted a reason to nag me. One day, I went over to visit her, I decided to purposely leave the closet door open while she slept in her bed while I slept on the living room couch just to see what would happen. assumed nothing happened since I didn't hear anything. However the next day when I woke up, she was sitting at the kitchen table looking she had been crying since her eyes were puffy. Before I could even say a word she said "I've told you many times that I wanted that closet door closed. It's all I ever asked of you and you can't even do that". Here's where I might be the ah, I got angry that she was already nagging me about this first thing in the morning so I told her that she's a grown woman and can't rely on some dumb stickers to help her over something that happened to her years ago, and she needed to get over it. She told me to leave so I did because I was mad. It's been a week since then and I haven't heard anything from her. I don't want to break up over this but I wanna know if what I said was wrong. My parents and friends are saying my gf is being dramatic but I want some unbiased opinions on the subject. Edit: I want to clarify that my gf never leaves the closet door open. I would go in to get something and would occasionally forget but the door also makes this unbearable squeaking noise when you’re trying to close it back up. So that’s why I also leave it as it is. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Wise-Championship745** >Maybe her therapist recommended it to her. Did you ask? And you’re clearly acting as if her trauma was something to get over it so easily. And since you’re treating it like it’s something minor, what was this trauma that she needs to “get over”? **OOP** >>She said that her therapist recommended her putting something in the door to give her comfort. Like I said in another comment, I just think instead of being afraid she should face her fear **Wise-Championship745** >>>How?! She literally gets paralyzed from fear, what’s she supposed to do, not be paralyzed? And you still haven’t answered my question! **OOP** >>>>Like I said it’s not that big of a deal of what her trauma is. **Wise-Championship745** >>>>>No I want to hear it. Would you have been unfazed by what she went through? I don’t know what happened to that poor girl but dear lord I hope she finds someone better than your ignorant ass **OOP** >>>>>>She’s told me that a homeless man snuck into her parents home and hid in her closet and when she woke up she could see his eyes in the dark staring at her. He was, thankfully, arrested and nothing happened to her. * **IntrovertedBookMan** >YTA. She asked one simple thing of you that clearly means a great deal to her and is incredibly easy for you to comply with. You deliberately did what she asked you not to, as some sort of stupid test, then insulted her when she was upset by your actions. I doubt it matters whether or not YOU want to break up. It sounds to me as though your ex-GF has already made up her mind about the matter. **Wild_Analyst_5101 (OOP)** >>She’s not my ex. We haven’t broken up. And is it wrong to make sure someone isn’t lying about something so serious? **VERDICT: ASSHOLE** **THE GIRLFRIENDS POST** [I dumped my bf for leaving my closet door open](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/156c0iw/i_dumped_my_bf_for_leaving_my_closet_door_open/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 22, 2023** Posted by u/Important_Club9790 Sorry if the title sounds clickbait-y. My ex posted on aita with the “aita for not wanting to close my gfs closet” and I just wanted a place to respond. My now ex bf (23m) and I (24f) we were together for 2yrs, would’ve been 3yrs next month. We meet through a mutual friend (my roommate at the time) because of our similar interests. • For context: I’ve lived in my apartment for about 4 yrs, the mutual friend stayed in the beginning but they move 3 yrs ago, so since then I’ve been living on my own. I was originally going to have my bf move in with me once my lease ended, but of course, change of plans. • So my ex posted on aita for leaving my closet door open yet he missed very important details. One question the kept appearing was why didn’t 𝘐 close the door even though I👏NEVER👏LEAVE👏IT👏OPEN👏. Ever since I was little I’ve trained my brain to always make sure the closet door was closed. I’ll add a TW here just in case, but when I was 6, I was sharing a room with my older sister, one night she went over her friends house for a sleepover. My parents and I got home a bit late. I remember it being hot since we had the ac on. I went to bed but was tossing and turning because it’s 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 hot. I kept hearing a noise from somewhere but wasn’t sure from where and just assumed it was the ac. I laid on my back just staring at the roof and heard my closet door being open. My bed was faced towards the closet so when I moved my head down, I could see this old man coming out of it. I screamed and my parents came running in. My dad grabbed me and I saw my mom hitting that man with one of her favorite pans. We called the police and later found out that the man was homeless, must’ve snuck in while we were away and hid in my closet when he heard my parents car come in. * Since then I’ve suffered from ptsd in fear of someone coming in my closet again. I slept with my parents for a few years after that. We moved to another state once I hit high school. Parents got me a therapist when the incident occurred and to this day, I’m still going to therapy. I felt like it wasn’t working tho because it just like I was venting and the therapist would go “uh huh, and how does that make you feel?” Instead of suggesting something to help me. That was until my current therapist, she suggested that I could use something like a nightlight and place it by the closet, then I asked if I use something else like something that could stick onto the walls. It was first these big glow in the dark Dino stickers. I felt kinda silly about it first when I did put it up but when I had my sleep paralysis, I was still scared but was now able to tell what was sleep and what wasn’t and fave me a sense of comfort. I changed the themes occasionally to dinos, planets, and now stars. For the past 7 years, it’s worked for me. * I moved out of my parents home at 20 to live in an apartment with my friend who I meet in college (I only went for 2 years). I explained to her about my situation because we shared a room and there’s only one closet. She understood me completely. She only ever left it open once when she came home from a Night Shift. She was remorseful and never did it again when she saw how bad I suffered from it. * Now to me ex: we pretty much clicked when we met. Had similar hobbies, liked exploring new foods, it was fun. I also told him about my trauma. Asked that I didn’t mind it being open during the day, but at night, it needs to be closed no matter what, he could still put or take something out of it but to close it back up. He complied throughout the entirety of our relationship. It wasn’t until a few months ago where he started to act very controlling. He would say small comments about certain foods I would eat, like how it’s affect my liver or something and recommended other things. I brushed it off thinking he’s just looking out for my health. It started getting to a point where he suggested I quit my job at one point when he finished college and moved in but I told him that it’d be beneficial for 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 of us to be working. He never asked again, however he did start asking things like if I could cook for him even though I said I was tired from work, would I stop working if he made enough money for the both of us, if I still wanted kids. I think he wanted to ask me to be become a stay at home wife/mother but I could be over analyzing. • On the night before we broke up: when he decided to “test me”, I had the worst hallucinations since I was a teenager. I wake up, see the door open, and start to imagine the man I saw all those years ago. When I woke the next day it was around 4 am, I was able to move and started to cry immediately to a point where I couldn’t shred anymore tears and apart from the migraine from crying too hard, I felt a numbness. So when he woke up a few hours late I waited for him in the kitchen just honestly feeling tired, I didn’t yell just spoke in a monotone voice. I told him how I had one rule and that was to close the door, he got defensive saying he felt like I was lying about my trauma just to see if he would care for me. I told him to leave while I thought things over. I never ignored him and he never texted me the whole week. But now I know for sure that there’s no saving this relationship. And you can get your stuff from your brother, I already told him what you did. So good luck. 👍 I’ll be moving in with my sister out of town, I’m not renewing my lease, I just want to be with people who actually support me. [Comment with additional info from OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/156c0iw/i_dumped_my_bf_for_leaving_my_closet_door_open/jsywodi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 22, 2023** I cant add anything more to the post so I’m Answering some questions people kept asking _Why did he keep going in the closet?_ I feel like ppl are assuming he would go in at every hour but no he would just come in to get his text book if he was studying an exam. And it was like once every few weeks and I’d still be would be awake watching a movie on my phone. _Why didn't I close the door?_ I do, I always do. Right before I go to bed, first thing I do is close the closet. It’s like if you turn on the lights, YOU who turned it on is YOU who will turn it off. Why am I going to get up from bed to close the closet if he’s the one who left it open, especially if I’m dealing with sleep paralysis. _What was his alternatives?_ He commented on how the closet squeaks, I told that I did find it annoying at first when I move here but our friend said that it’d be a good way to heard if someone was moving it. So this is why it was never really fixed. He wanted to remove the door or put a lock on it. I told him that although I did want to put locks , my landlord wouldn’t allow any changes to the any of the door knobs. _Are we still together?_ NOOOOOOO. _Are his friends and family on his side?_ No, turns out his just told them that I got angry about him leaving the door opens once. Never mentioned why. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **HER EX FINDS HER POST** **Wild_Analyst_5101** >So you had time to make a Reddit about me but can’t even answer the phone? **Important_Club9790** >>Shoot, I forgot to block you on here too **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for not wanting to close my gfs closet

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ciu8q/aita_for_not_wanting_to_close_my_gfs_closet/

15d0acr

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/NightmareAndCounting **My Boss Put A Fist Through The Wall...** **Originally posted to** r/LawFirm **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!hostile work environment and physical violence and abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LawFirm/comments/140hxm2/my_boss_put_a_fist_through_the_wall/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 4, 2023** This is a throwaway account for reasons that will become obvious as you read this post. I am a new attorney. I have been practicing for 6 months and I have been with the same firm for 6 months. The pay is great and higher than most other jobs available to someone with my experience. My boss prides herself on being a mentor to new attorneys. However, my boss has something of a reputation in my community. In the last year, she has lost 4 attorneys who all quit and walked off. This is a small firm, so losing 4 was a huge blow. Of the attorneys who quit, my boss has harassed all of them. She sued the first one for her shoes and she filed ethics complaints against her and she's getting ready to sue her again. The second one to quit my boss sued to clawback her bonus pay. The third one to quit was a doozy. The third one to quit and took her client files with her. My boss lodged multiple ethics complaints against her, filed criminal complaints against her, and sued her. The third one to quit had to go into deep hiding at her new firm, because my boss and her husband called and harassed her constantly. Despite the drama with the former employees, I haven't felt much of it until recently. My boss hasn't been a great boss, but she has made an effort to mentor me. She answers my questions and occasionally looks over my work. There are issues though. She doesn't believe in hiring paralegals or trained legal professionals, so we just have generic staff. Of our staff we have gone through 8 since I started, including one who was fired after being drunk on the job. As a result, our work is often not done on time or it's sloppy. My boss also has a philosophy of never firing a bad client. This has become a big issue in the firm. We most recently had a client with a long history of fraud. My boss had me draft a motion and affidavit, which the other side pointed out was entirely fraudulent the day before the motion hearing. We had to withdraw the motion and apologize to the Court. The client then stiffed us on our bill. My boss still won't let us fire him and now I have to work on his case for free. Despite all this, I have stuck with it until now...**the wall punching incident.** My boss and her husband brought a criminal detective into the office to talk about one of the former attorneys. I could hear them across the wall. They were screaming and swearing at the detective about how the former employee is a, "f@!king spy." I then heard a loud thump and saw my boss's husband shake his bruised fist. Dude put his fist through a wall. It was frightening to watch. That same night, a rival firm reached out to me unsolicited. They have several of the former attorneys from my firm and they have offered me a job as well. Same pay. Actual paralegal. Mentoring. And no one puts their fist through drywall. I feel guilty about leaving my firm and being disloyal, but I think I need to go for my own safety. This sh@! is wild. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **OutofTouchInTheWay** • Hard to believe all of these horribles could show themselves from 1 person in such a short period of time. Fodder worthy of 60 Minutes or similar investigative/ambush show. See if you can monetize this! • Additional thoughts. This pattern of behavior doesn’t appear suddenly (except one scenario I’ve seen before—below). There should be more examples over a longer period of time. Seen/heard anything? • Out of the Blue Situation. a relatively new BAD HABIT. does not smell like booze. something else…hmmm… said ‘nuf. **OOP replied** >There were other signs, but I either ignored them or tried to look through rose-tinted glasses. Like we weren't allowed to attend the CLEs for our area of law, because something happened between my boss and another firm and she ended up being investigated for trust account violations. I don't think she was publicly disciplined, but she has complained about how it cost her hundreds of thousands to defense against. There were signs like that. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/LawFirm/comments/14zxom0/update_my_boss_put_a_fist_through_the_wall/) **July 15, 2023** Remember me? I'm the attorney whose boss put a fist through the wall, while screaming about how one of the former attorneys was a, "f@$!ing spy." I'll include a link below. /r/LawFirm/comments/140hxm2/my_boss_put_a_fist_through_the_wall/ ​ I'm here with an update. The update is...I start my new job next week! Sadly, I am not going with the rival firm that tried to poach me. Shortly after the rival firm reached out to me, my boss sued one of the attorneys at that firm. My boss instructed every person at the firm to attend the hearings for the former attorney and stare at them. I was conveniently on vacation when the first hearing happened, but my boss crowed about her efforts against the former attorney to the entire firm. After the former attorney got sued, the rival firm entirely ghosted me and wouldn't return my e-mail. My boss also told me she was suing the entire rival firm, so that could be part of why they ghosted. However, I did immediately begin applying for new jobs. I had 3 offers fairly quickly and two of the firms even got into a bidding match over me. The legal community in the area I practice has been remarkably kind to me! They have all told me that I'm smart to escape The Toxic Firm and they're offered to help me however I can. I ended up taking a job with a firm in my practice area and the job comes with a nice raise! I didn't end up walking out of my job at Toxic Firm. Given what happened to the last attorneys, I wanted to try to avoid getting sued and harassed. I gave proper notice, notified my clients, and I was gracious to my employer. The effort was a bit in vain - no one at Toxic Firm spoke to me after I put in notice and my boss went from weeping about my loss to screaming at me about it. She also blew up my phone with text messages after I left (until I blocked her). All in all though, quitting Toxic Firm did not go as bad as I thought and I am so glad to start fresh!! Thank you to everyone who commented and liked my original post. I read every comment and I took it to heart. I am actively working to be better at advocating for myself and I am looking into therapy under my new (and improved) health insurance. I'm excited to have a fresh start. Oh. And to boot...almost all of my clients are leaving Toxic Firm and coming with me. I call that success. :) ​**RELEVANT COMMENTS** **leslie_knopee** >OMG how insane! I'm so glad you got out of there! >and cheers to the bar for rallying around you and your colleagues and actively trying to get you out! >you NEED to file a bar complaint asap. this is absolutely unacceptable. >also, in your OG post, I noticed you kept saying "husband" but not partner? is he an attorney? or just a mobster/bodyguard to punch employees into submission? **OOP replied** >Thank you!! One of the attorneys I spoke to also helped me get set up with an ethics attorney in my field. I'm working with him to figure out next steps, especially if my former-boss does something crazy. As for my OG post, toxic former-boss is married to the "business manager", who is not an attorney. He also isn't allowed in the office very often, because he scares the employees. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My Boss Put A Fist Through The Wall...

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15d0acr/my_boss_put_a_fist_through_the_wall/

15d5386

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/Visaul **in** r/relationship_advice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Emotional distress caused by hurtful comments!< mood spoilers: >!heartbreak, and eventual separation!< --- &nbsp; [**Overheard my [26M] wife [24F] tell her friend on the phone that she “settled for being with me,” and that marrying me was her “last resort.”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/cy7neo/overheard\_my\_26m\_fiancé\_24f\_tell\_her\_friend\_on/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, Sept 01, 2019 Basically the title. I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. This friend is in a serious relationship. My wife then said to her, “Sweetie, remember it’s your choice. Don’t settle for just anyone. That’s the mistake I made. Who knows who else I could of had. \[My name\] was my very last resort, and now look where it made me end up.” Hearing that honestly broke my heart in two. Does she even love me? Why am I being treated as a second base? Am I being dramatic and overreacting? I haven’t said anything about it since. I honestly don’t know what to do, but hearing her say has really made me upset. &nbsp; ***All Updates were added to the original post*** **EDIT/UPDATE** Thanks everyone for the kind words! Really has made me feel a lot better! Going to be talking to her soon. Also, I noticed a lot of people thinking this post is fake, I understand how it could be seen that way, but it isn’t. I’ve been engaged to her for over a year and a half, and just 3 months ago we got married. Not really used to calling her my “wife” yet. Also I used an old alt since she uses Reddit. Anyways thanks for the advice everyone, it amazes me how people on the Internet can care so much about a person they don’t even know. I’m going to talk to her today. I will be updating you all soon after. &nbsp; **UPDATE 2** Just did one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Today after breakfast I told her we should “sit down and talk.” She was hesitant, but I said it was important. We went to the living room and she said to me “I already know what this is about.” My post apparently made it to the front page, so of course she saw it after scrolling down a bit under “popular.” Of course the water works started happening right away. I told her what she said had deeply hurt me, but obviously she already knew that since she read my post. Through her tears, she said “I was just joking, I wasn’t serious.” She then went on saying stuff like “I love you, I love you.” I told her I can’t be in a marriage where my SO doesn’t love me the same way I love them. She tried to tell me that she loved me and that I meant something to her. But it was all bullshit. She said she “didn’t want to lose me.” I told her I don’t think this marriage was the right decision. And from there I basically told her it was over. I told her I knew how she really felt about me, and that it was fucked. She basically played with my emotions. For all those wondering, we have no kids, and I pay fully for the apartment we live in, and I own almost everything we have other then her clothes. I even pay for her car. So after all of this she’ll have little to nothing left. Before our marriage, we agreed to sign a prenup, and at that moment, I’ve never been so happy with a decision I’ve made in my life. After that, it was a few seconds of awkward silence, before she said to me “Fuck you.” She started screaming at me, telling me “you just can’t end things like that.” I told her I could do whatever I wanted, and that’s when she became very hostile. She screamed at me saying, “You’re the fucking worst relationship I’ve ever been in. You think I can’t find someone again?” “Do you think you’ll ever from someone as good as me? You’re a fucking idiot [my name].” She grabbed her bag and phone, and said “I’m leaving!” Before slamming the door behind her. At that moment I felt like I was on one of those dramatic sitcoms you’d find of TV. I sat down on the couch and cried, and I’m still crying as I type this up. It’s both happy and sad tears, and I knew it was only time before she cheated on me or left me. She never loved me, it was obvious. Our relationship only went one way, and I feel like a complete idiot for not seeing it earlier. I live in California, and I’m gonna start the process to annul our marriage. Tomorrow, I’m gonna start throwing all of her belongings in to trash bags, cause that’s essentially where they belong. (I’m not throwing out her stuff. Just using the trash bags as a way to give her back the things she owns.) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your kind words and your great advice. All of you gave me the courage to stand up for myself, and I know my life will certainly improve as a result. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Overheard my [26M] wife [24F] tell her friend on the phone that she “settled for being with me,” and that marrying me was her “last resort.”

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15d5386/overheard_my_26m_wife_24f_tell_her_friend_on_the/

15d5864

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/JediNikes **in** r/sex. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* content warning: >!Sexual content, discussion of manipulation!< mood spoilers: >!relationship challenges, breakup, happy ending (sort of)!< --- &nbsp; [**I (22M) think my religious gf(25F) is sexually manipulating me into marriage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/kvpueh/i_22m_think_my_religious_gf_25_is_sexually/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, Jan 12, 2021 My gf(25F) and I (22M) haven't had sex yet. Not with each other. Not with anyone. For religious reasons she wants to remain a virgin until her honeymoon night. My initial reaction was like "sucks, but fair enough, her choice, lemme see where this goes". For the record, my reason for being a virgin has nothing to do with any religion. I've just been too socially inept to make sufficient attempts to actually have sex. However, the one time I did man up and approach a girl, it happened to be the girl who had absolutely no plans to give it up until she met Mr. Right, which may or may not be me. That said, our relationship is now one year old and we're so in love it's borderline disgusting. We've lowkey been discussing marriage, which she seems keen on, but I've made it clear I'm not on that level yet. Recently though, my gf and I have been living under the same roof. A first for us. She's staying with me while my roommate is out of town. We haven't seen much of each other because of the pandemic, so needless to say we were excited to spend time together. We would kiss and cuddle, even sleep in the same bed, but she never allowed anything beyond that. Whenever my hands gravitated towards her boobs or butt, she would become flustered and pull away. In those moments, my boner would visibly throb inside my pants and I could tell by the sneaky glances she liked it. As the days went by, she seemed to be doing everything in her power to trigger more boners. Changing clothes in front of me. Begging me to piggyback her to and from the shower while she's wearing nothing but a towel. Moaning whenever we made out. All stuff she's never done with me before. Worst of all was when she prayed at night. Hearing her pray was nothing new, but hearing her go into detail about her "lustful thoughts" was not only new, it was fucking hot. Pardon the pun but it became really hard for me not to get turned on. Last night was no different. She was on her knees praying while I was laying in bed with another boner. As soon as she prayed about wanting to taste my cum, I got out of bed and took my raging boner to the bathroom, where I furiously masturbated. When I returned to the bedroom, my gf laughed and asked what happened to my hard-on. I wasn't laughing though. Call it post-nut clarity or whatever, but I told her that I feel like she's going out of her way to turn me on and it's unfair because it makes me wanna fuck and we can't. She shrugged and told me the only thing stopping us from fucking all day every day was a ring on her finger. If that wasn't savage enough, she got completely naked and climbed into bed, you know, because she randomly felt like sleeping in the nude. I told her I wasn't gonna play this game anymore and spent the night on the couch. We have one more week left in the apartment before my roommate comes back, would it be a dick move to ask my gf to leave sooner because I think she's being too sexy? Just because I'm the one having a hard time managing my sexual urges, does it give me the right to be upset at my gf for it? ***Comments*** **ikkugai** >Ok i gotta ask here, i can understand remaining a virgin, but how about blowjobs? handjobs? Mutual masturbation? Is all sexual rituals is forbidden between you two? >btw i'm not judging, just curious how you guys explore sexual intimacy, i've been with a religious virgin myself and we manage to have all kinds of fun without penetration, my purpose is: i'm trying to provide options here. **OP** >>I mentioned in a previous comment that any physical contact that relates to sex is off limits. No HJs or BJs. No anal. No dry humping. The most sexual we've ever gotten, other than heavy kissing, was when we spooned and she pushed into me. She will deny it, but I think she's afraid if she does anything sexual, no matter how mild, she would give in to doing more. As much I would enjoy that, I don't want her to end up resenting me. So I've been doing my best to give her all the space she needs. It's been tough and it's beginning to feel like I'm using this thread to vent. &nbsp; **UPDATE** (*Added to original post*) My gf and I talked. She understood where I was coming from and apologized for creating such a sexually charged environment without the satisfaction, so to speak. In addition, she said that when I invited her to the apartment for some alone time, she felt like I was expecting something sexual, which is why she started behaving the way she did. It was her way of putting on a show for me. She admitted that none of her attempts to seduce me went as planned because she realized she had no idea what she was doing or how to finish what she started. According to her, whenever she noticed me getting turned on she would panic and kind of just leave me to deal with the boners. The moment I mentioned her feelings towards marriage vs my feelings, she cried. I still wanted to comfort her but she got too upset and told me she's going home. That was kind of where our conversation ended. It didn't matter what I said, she was done talking. She's been gone for an hour and she's not responded to any of my calls or messages. I'm alone in the apartment now. Not sure what to make of this night. --- &nbsp; [**UPDATE: I (22m) think my religious gf (25) is sexually manipulating me into marriage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/kx3m7c/update_i_22m_think_my_religious_gf_25_is_sexually/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, Jan 14, 2021 So my gf is no longer staying with me. She believed it was best if we didn't share the same bed, let alone the same apartment, because if the past few days taught her anything, it's that we're not mature enough for that step yet. The two of us met up and had a long discussion about relationships, religion, commitment, and sex. Thanks to the knowledge y'all provided in my original post, I was better prepared to express my feelings without coming across too horny or too hurtful. She was also doing great. Still got heated though. Especially with the two M words. Marriage and manipulation. She denied that she was using sex to get me to go on one knee, which I ended up believing. Call me an idiot but the way she was talking didn't sound like someone who would use me like that. To me she seemed sincere when she said her sexual gestures was nothing more than a reaction to me inviting her to the apartment. According to her, my invitation made her feel pressured to be sexy because having the place to ourselves implied that a certain level of intimacy was expected. She actually confirmed what some of you mentioned in my original post. It was a big turn on for her realizing just what a turn on she was for me. In a way she became mad with power, hence the erotic prayers and semi naked piggyback rides, amongst other things. She couldn't stop shaming herself for getting carried away with her desires and contradicting her religious rulebook. In response I told her that sexual desire is not something to be ashamed of and she should never feel bad for wanting to receive or provide pleasure. I added that I will always respect her religion, like I respect all religions, but based on what has happened, I do feel like her beliefs are throwing our relationship off balance. My actual words were "the love is there, but not the love making". She didn't like the sound of that but I made it clear that I didn't necessarily mean sex. I added that if she was willing to bend her religious rules just to tease me and be naked around me, which she admitted was hot, she could at least open that door a bit more and allow some touching, stroking, maybe even sucking. I said I would be more than happy to return the favor all day every day. She smiled (for the first time since we started the conversation) and said she's open to experimenting. Ain't gonna lie, my penis practically flexed at that moment lol. We're still not on the same page regarding marriage. All her siblings had husbands at her age and she feels like it's now her time to follow the "family tradition" of marrying their first love. It's pressure on both of us. However, we agreed to just leave the topic of marriage "open for discussion" while we work on our relationship. I apologized for misreading her sexual expression as manipulation and she apologized for making me feel blue balled and confused. I'm happy to announce that we kissed and made up. And I got to touch her boobs in the process. Progress! Time will tell if we're truly meant for each other and if zero sex will be sustainable. But right now I love her enough to figure all that out together. That said, I dedicate this update to the people of this sub who didn't mind taking time out of their lives to send a complete stranger messages of support. Some of those messages were tough to read, but at the end of the day it got me to open up about how I feel, and look now, I'm touching boobs! Much love. **TL;DR:** Gf and I addressed all the challenges in our relationship from religion to marriage to sex and decided to be more sexual without forcing her to choose between faith and fucking. &nbsp; [**UPDATE: I (22m) think my religious gf (25) is sexually manipulating me into marriage (she's my ex now)**](https://reddit.com/r/sex/comments/ly8f1p/i_22m_think_my_religious_gf_25_is_sexually/?ref=share&ref_source=link) - submitted by u/JediNikess326510 on Fri, Mar 05, 2021 *Update found thanks to* u/theluggagekerbin I deleted my original throwaway account because I didn't think I'd ever use it again. Still the same me though. More or less. My gf and I broke up. As some of you predicted in my original and updated posts, our relationship was doomed to be disastrous. I did my best to make it work, but towards the end it became painfully obvious we were never gonna be on the same page as bf and gf, let alone husband and wife. All our communication regarding religion, marriage and intimacy did nothing to benefit our relationship or promote healthy physical affection between us. Even though she gave me the green light to touch her more, I was still made to feel like I was pressuring her to have sex every time I happened to kiss her on the neck or squeeze her butt whenever we made out. It was never my intention to make her feel uncomfortable, hence all our discussions, but it seemed like all I ever did was make her uncomfortable. I didn't even wanna get boners in front of her anymore. Long story short, I decided to grow a pair of balls and put us both out of our misery. Took me long enough but I finally realized it was pointless to prolong a relationship between two people who were no longer making each other happy. The break up was brutal. My poor roommate had to put up with my heartbroken ass for weeks. To this day I'm still embarrassed he saw that side of me, but thanks to him encouraging me to hang out with his friend (19f), I have my first FWB and I'm not a virgin anymore! No more pressure to get married. No more shame for craving intimacy. The heartache comes and goes when I think about my ex, but I'm not gonna lie, sex is a great distraction. Now I can also ask burning sex questions in this sub and feel like I belong. **TL;DR:** Lost a gf. Gained a FWB. Lost my virginity. Gained experience. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I (22M) think my religious girlfriend (25F) is sexually manipulating me into marriage

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15d5864/i_22m_think_my_religious_girlfriend_25f_is/

15d9j3u

**I am not OP. OP is** u/broken-bed1123 **from** r/tifu ​ Trigger warning: >!Sex!< ​ Mood spoiler: >!wholesome, kinda funny!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/14qb7c4/tifu_by_having_sex_on_my_parents_bedroom/)\- 04 July 2023 My wife (33F) and I (30M) are visiting my childhood home. We are living with our parents. Last night they went out to a party and left us in charge. My wife and I were drinking a lot. We were having some relationship issues too. It led us to argue for days. Even before coming to our hometown we argued. Yesterday the thing same happened. Except we were drunk and were a little too honest. She told me how she never feels attractive because I ignore her. I ignore her because the last time I tried to do something about our intimacy issues she ignored me. We both messed up in the communication part in our life. So, we were ranting and confessed to each other that we still love the other and wish there was something to spice up our marriage because lately it has been stale. One thing led to another, we started kissing on the couch. We were vigorous. We haven't had sex in 6 months so all pent up emotions and "horniness" was coming out. Mixing alcohol creates a recipe for disaster. We made this into a challenge. We decided that we would have sex in every room in the house. My parents went to a party with their old friend. I was sure they will not come home before 1am. And it was still early. We were going at it. First it was my childhood bedroom. Then we moved to the guestroom, the kitchen and so on. Lastly we went to our parent's bedroom. I was a little drunk but still cautious that we were doing it in our parent's bed. Somehow this made both of us even hornier and we were going at it roughly. The bedframe was hitting the wall but we did not care. Suddenly, I hear a crack noise. The bedframe was cracked. I got up and panicked. My wife was telling me to calm down because they wouldn't notice. I was still unsure. My parents came home late at night. We cleaned their room just the way it was to avoid suspicion. Later in the morning my dad complained the bed has broken. He was sleeping and suddenly the bed broke when he was turning. My dad has a huge body. So I can see the bed must have broken due to his body pressure. I haven't told my parents yet. They are still wondering how this bed can break so easily. I lied to my dad and told him the bedframe was very old. It must have become weak overtime. He bought it. I do feel guilty because he probably doesn't have enough money now to get a new bed because he fixed his car and AC just recently. TLDR: Had sex on my parent's bed and it broke. My dad thinks it is because the bedframe was old. Edit: I am a non native speaker. So in our culture, the in laws become parents by default. My wife calls my mother "mom" and vise versa. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/156ivw0/tifupdate_by_having_sex_on_my_parents_bedroom/)\- 22 July 2023 Hello, guys, long time no see. I just wanted to say thanks to all of those who commented on my previous post. I know some people have laughed. I know why. It is a laughing matter no matter how bizarre it is. Also, I did take your advice and insisted that I buy him a bed. My dad is someone who doesn’t take favors. I still insisted because it really broke my heart to see that he will be sleeping on the floor for god knows how long. So, my dad and I went to the shop to buy a bed but this time with a metal frame. My wife and I ruined their mattress too so I asked if we could replace that. My dad says he is taking the mattress to get it cleaned. I didn’t tell my dad the bed broke because of me and my wife’s raunchy escapade. My wife also paid for a portion of the bed too. She still laughs about it and it will be a secret between us. I don’t know how my dad would react if he ever finds out. Well, here is some big news for us. After coming home from visiting my family, we learned that we are pregnant. It was a shock to both of us. I mean it is weird that our first child will be conceived on their grandparent’s bed. We took home pregnancy because my wife had a gut feeling about being pregnant. But it could be a false alarm. Maybe we need to see a doctor to find out if this is true or not. TL;DR: Bought my parents their bed like many of you insisted. My wife may be pregnant. &#x200B; **Reminder I am not OP**

TIFU by having sex on my parent's bedroom

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ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15d9j3u/tifu_by_having_sex_on_my_parents_bedroom/

15dc0it

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/butt_knuckles **My (26F) husband's (30M) best friend (29M) just kissed me and I'm unsure of what to do.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sexual assault, predatory behavior, verbal abuse and threats!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/150y5jw/my_26f_husbands_30m_best_friend_29m_just_kissed/) **July 16, 2023** I (26F) am an immigrant that recently relocated to another country to be with my husband (30M) after being long distance with him for several years. Needless to say, my husband is my best friend and I love him deeply. Because I've struggled making my own friends here, I am on friendly terms with my husband's friends. They are all for the most part decent people and welcomed me with open arms, which I am grateful for. We all occasionally hang out and it's never really been an issue. Recently, I began planning a surprise party for my husband's birthday and I figured I would reach out to his friends about planning to see if they wanted to help. Enter my husband's best friend Adam (29M). Adam has been my husband's friend for about 10 years now. Adam is married with a wife of his own who I am friends with. Adam immediately was very supportive of my ideas and was insistent on helping. Many times he offered to drive me around the city to go to different stores since my husband and I don't have a car, which I would decline since I didn't want to cause him any hassle. He would offer to use his place of work as the location for the party (he works at a fancy restaurant). Again, I would decline because my husband isn't the type of person to enjoy birthday celebrations like that, but I would let him know I appreciated his kind offer and that I felt he was being a very kind and generous friend. He was fairly persistent, but I figured it was just because he wanted to make his friend's birthday memorable. Fast forward to this week, Adam texted me and told me he had his birthday gift for my husband, but he would need help loading it up in his car. I asked about what it was but he just said a joke about how I would tell my husband so I couldn't know. I didn't think anything of it and agreed to help him today. We drove to the store, got the gift (wrapped, but it was big and heavy), and drove back. He put the car in park and as I started getting out, he reached out to me and kissed me. I was taken aback and immediately pulled away. I asked him what he was doing and he said that he thought I was cute and he wanted to shoot his shot. I asked him about my husband and he said that he didn't need to know. I was just overwhelmed and couldn't begin to wrap my mind around what was happening. He apologized and said he thought I was sending signals because of me saying he was "a kind and generous person." He then said that my husband can't know about it because my husband would blame me and would divorce me, I'd have to go back to my home country, etc. I got out the car and just went inside. My husband was at work, so he doesn't know. I have a lot of conflicting feelings. I know I want to tell my husband because of how Adam went about this proves that he doesn't have my husband's best intentions in mind and is incredibly selfish. My issue arises in how to go about telling him. I am super upset about this whole thing because it's a weird place to be in. I doubt my husband won't believe me because we have a good trust in each other, but I am nervous as to how this will effect the relationship. I'm nervous he will redirect those feelings of betrayal towards me. If that's the case, would it be justified? I just need some guidance on how to approach this for minimal damage to my husband. I know it's bound to happen, but I obviously don't want to hurt him if I can. I appreciate any advice. EDIT: I have seen everyone's comments saying to tell my husband the truth. I am planning on telling him when he gets home, however, there seems to be some confusion as to what I'm asking for here. I know I want to tell him, but I am unsure how to tell him without it having an effect on our relationship. My husband is a good man, but no one wants to be the bearer of bad news that their friend that they have known for years is an awful and manipulative person. I don't know how to breach the subject in a gentle way. I tend to let my emotions get the better of me, and this event has me thinking rather compulsively. I don't want to hurt my husband more than necessary. Any advice on how to tell him would be appreciated. Depending on what happens, I'll update when I can. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1577b0g/update_my_26f_husbands_30m_best_friend_29m_just/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 23, 2023** Hi, everyone. It’s been a doozy over the last few days, and my post wasn’t really all that popular, but I figured I’d update for those that may be curious. Before I go into big details, I just wanted to say thank you for your advice. My husband came home a few days ago and I surprised him with his favourite meal. I had a day off and was a ball of nervous energy so I had cleaned the house, did laundry, and cooked. Basically, I wanted the environment to be as stress free as possible for my husband because I knew it was going to be hard on him. So, we sat down to eat and he had been able to tell lately that something’s been bothering me and he asked me what was going on. So, I told my husband as gently as I could and he was understandably upset. Thankfully, Adam didn’t get to him before I did and he believed me. I know a lot of people were worried about Adam telling my husband lies about what had actually happened before I was able to, but this didn’t happen, thankfully.He was really mad at Adam for kissing me, but especially mad at him threatening me with deportation. We talked it through and after a few hours, came to the conclusion that, in order to protect my residency, we would file a police report for assault against Adam (thank you to those who suggested this.) As we talked, Adam sent me a text message that said this: “Hey. I just wanted to check in on you to make sure you remembered what I said to you in my car yesterday. I really don’t want you to go back to HOME COUNTRY. I’ve also been thinking of you. Call me when you get this. We have things we need to talk about.” Yeah. Creepy stuff, plus low-key threats. It had my husband seeing red and me feeling scared, so we went to the police station the same night I told him. They seemed freaked out by Adam’s most recent text and agreed it seemed like a veiled threat, so I filed a police report and they are investigating. As other Redditors pointed out, I wasn’t the only victim in this situation. The next day, I texted Adam’s wife when I knew Adam was working to see if she wanted to meet up and she said sure. So, we met up and I told her what happened. I showed her the text and sadly, she didn’t take it too well. It’s understandable, but this is what I worried about. She seemed to think that I flirted with him, called me a home wrecker. I know this was probably out of lashing out, but it still made me feel bad, both for her and me for Adam putting us in this situation. It’s sad I lost a friend. Shortly after I met with his wife, Adam starting blowing up my phone, but I didn’t answer. I assume his wife confronted him or the police called him, I’m not sure what set him off. He then sent me a bunch of texts that just got crazier and crazier to the point to where I didn’t feel safe. So, I called my husband who was at work, and he told me that Adam was also blowing his phone up, too. We ended up calling the police because Adam was threatening to come to our apartment and “do what he should’ve done when I was in his car.” Satisfying ending, sort of. He was detained by police for making what they deemed a credible threat against me. It’s still an ongoing situation, and I’m a bit upset by how this whole thing essentially blew up, but at least my family and I are okay. The most important thing I’m focusing on is recognizing that what happened isn’t my fault and that I am a victim here. Also, therapy going forward. Overall, this experience has shown me how quickly people can change once they don’t get their way. If you had told me a week ago that Adam was a Nice GuyTM, I would’ve laughed at you. As we went through Adam and I’s (very few) interactions, my husband agreed that there wasn’t any mixed signals. Adam had completely made it up in his head or, as some of you pointed out, was trying to take advantage of a woman in a vulnerable position. I am fortunate that I got the support and protection I needed. It’s certainly a great way to start off a new life in a new country, that’s for sure. Anyways, I wanted to say thanks for all the comments and support my last post got. My husband read the post and was thankful that I wasn’t dealing with this situation by myself. Thanks, Internet! Also, shout out to my husband for literally handling this in the most amazing way. Lucky to have him, so give him some internet love. TL;DR - Husband’s best friend turned out to be a crazed Nice Guy who was arrested for threatening me. EDIT: Readability EDIT 2: I'm seeing some people saying negative things about Adam's wife. I feel it's important to remind redditors that she is just as much of a victim here as I am. Adam and her have been together for a lengthy period of time and it makes sense that in her hurt, she would lash out on the person closest. Adam's wife was very kind to me and the first friend I made in the country. She would check in on me daily and invite me to meet her friends, cook food for me, helped me find work, etc. She has never once been malicious towards me and I see no reason to believe she will start now, and I hold no ill will to her, either. In fact, I hope she is able to find peace because she did not deserve what Adam did to her and their family. The only person in the situation that deserves your negativity is behind bars currently. Please be respectful to her, as she holds a place close to my heart. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Attirey** >I remember your original post and have kept it open in a tab because I was worried about you. I'm so glad you're safe now. >Adam never believed you were sending him signals. He is just a predator who used that lie to make you feel like you did something wrong. He used your vulnerability as an immigrant to threaten you and make you feel like you couldn't say no to his assault or report it to anyone. >He was wrong. He didn't know you well enough to know you are too strong for that. He was too confident in his ability to intimidate you. He just saw you as an immigrant bride and likely thought your husband wasn't really in love with you because he thought your husband was like him. >You probably aren't the first woman he has taken advantage of. He just got too cocky and made a really bad choice about his latest target. Hopefully your action has lessened the chances of finding another victim. **OOP replied** >That's so sweet! I knew people wanted updates and I didn't want to keep people worrying. It was a trying week, but we made it through stronger at the end. I'm very thankful I got the advice I did. Many commenters repeated what you said about Adam being a predator, and that thought never even occurred to me. Turns out, you guys might be right. I'll never believe anyone who says that outside perspective isn't necessary. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (26F) husband's (30M) best friend (29M) just kissed me and I'm unsure of what to do.

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15dc0it/my_26f_husbands_30m_best_friend_29m_just_kissed/

15dd0om

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/coursesand. She posted in r/Dallas. This is a short and light post for a palate cleanser. **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dallas/comments/156k32r/someone_took_my_carryon_luggage_from_the_overhead/)**: July 22, 2023** I was on flight 336 from DFW to SFO yesterday for a wedding tonight. Someone took my carry-on luggage that was in the overhead bin. My bridesmaid dress and all my makeup and jewelry were in there. The wedding is tonight and I’ve had to scramble to get a new bridesmaid dress, makeup, clothes, shoes, toiletries, etc. There was one piece of luggage that was left on the plane that looked similar to my bag, so I’m assuming that someone accidentally grabbed my bag instead of their own. The bag is black and has a brown leather tag on the side. Inside the front pockets of the bag are green pajamas, a purple bottle of melatonin, and a coach glasses case with glasses, and a plastic bag with orange earplugs. I know this is a Hail Mary, but if this was you, can you please DM me? I really need my stuff back. I can help you find your luggage, it’s at the SFO United bag center. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What is in their bag/is there a name on the bag?* "The flight attendants would not let me look in the bag. The bag had no tags on it or anything to identify the person." *Did you put your bag far away from you?* "No I put it right over my seat" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dallas/comments/157nwy3/update_someone_took_my_carryon_luggage_from_the/)**: July 23, 2023 (Next Day)** Update on my previous post about someone taking my carry-on bag from the overhead bin. I was traveling for a wedding that I was a bridesmaid for. Unfortunately at the airport, there was no way to track the person down or my bag. I submit lost luggage reports to the airline and to the airport. Because I was swamped with wedding stuff all weekend, my mom graciously helped me submit reports, call the United customer service, etc. At this point, I knew I probably wouldn’t get my stuff in time for the wedding, especially since the wedding venue was super far from the airport. After my luggage got taken, all I had was my phone and wallet in my small purse. I didn’t have much time before the rehearsal dinner, so I uberred to the closest Target to buy clothes, toiletries, makeup, shoes, bags, etc, $500 worth of stuff to get me through the next 3 days and the wedding. I could replace most of my stuff, but the biggest issue was that my bridesmaid dress for the wedding was now lost. I got SUPER lucky because we managed to find someone with a used bridesmaid dress in the area and it was the right brand, color, and size. We got it just in time for the wedding, fit perfectly, still can’t believe how lucky I got! During the wedding ceremony, I got a voicemail from United saying that someone returned a bag and they think it’s mine. Since I was in the middle of the wedding, my mom checked for me, and was able to confirm that it WAS mine. Came to the airport this morning and my luggage was there, nothing was stolen, and the lady told me that I should be able to get the $500 reimbursed. Hoping that will work. Decided to upgrade my flight to first class after the chaos of the luggage, just need to end the trip on a positive note, it’s my first time flying first class, and I’m very excited! Anyways, thanks to everyone for the suggestions for future trips! I will definitely be getting AirTags, colored ribbons, etc to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Was a stressful situation, but the wedding was great and I got all my stuff back! ***Relevant Comment:*** "They haven’t paid me the $500 yet, but an employee said that I should submit a request and see if it works" *So did you return theirs?* "So I actually saw the bag sitting in the luggage claim area. I really don’t understand what happened, the whole system seems like a mess with United. I’m never flying United ever again, everything was awful from beginning to end. But hopefully they get the bag back." &#x200B;

Someone took my carry-on luggage from the overhead bin on United flight from DFW to SFO

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15dd0om/someone_took_my_carryon_luggage_from_the_overhead/

15divpj

I am NOT OP. Original post by r/relationship_advice by u/kristoll1 trigger warnings: >!domestic violence, possible mental illness(BPD)!< mood spoilers: >!OOP made the right decision!< &#x200B; For context OOP is Indian living in the US and his GF is Costa Rican. GF is in the US on a student visa. OOP has mentioned struggles with dating in previous posts and abusive/racist parents.   [My (28M) GF (26F) announced the end of our sex life](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14mdsnd/my_28m_gf_26f_announced_the_end_of_our_sex_life/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 29th June 2023 Since we started dating nearly a year ago, my (28M) GF (26F) has suffered from a dozen yeast infections and a lot of yeasty discharge. The cause is uncertain, but she believes these infections + discharge are the result of getting an IUD. It's also possible that having raw sex is an aggravating factor. In any case, both of us have tried various antifungal meds, oral and topical, to no avail. My GF's theory is that when she gets wet, the yeast grows on the string of the IUD, which causes the infections + discharge. This seems plausible to me, although I'm not a doctor, and I imagine it must be hell for her to deal with. Last night, she told me she had enough and was not going to have sex anymore. I asked her if that just meant no penetration, but she said no -- she's going to abstain from all sexual activity, including masturbation, because it's too much trouble to get aroused and deal with the subsequent yeast problems. And she needs to keep the IUD to manage her PCOS symptoms. My dilemma is that I love my GF dearly and can envision spending the rest of my life with her. We have so many interests in common, we make each other laugh, we enjoy each other's company, and we care deeply for each other. But I have a very high sex drive and have never contemplated being in a sexless relationship before. I feel like a selfish ass-hole for thinking this at a time when my GF is not feeling well, but I don't see how our relationship can continue. How can I tell my GF about my needs, without making it seem like I don't care about her suffering? Is there any saving this? Please note: I am **not** seeking medical advice. I am just looking for advice about how to communicate my needs to my GF without coming across as an ass-hole.   **Comments from OOP** * She's been to a few different gynecologists, who have prescribed a number of different medications + lifestyle changes, such as antifungals and cutting down on sugary foods/drinks. But the antifungals aren't working, and she has no intention of changing her diet. * She's been to gynecologists who have tested her and concluded that she does not have BV, but rather a standard yeast infection. Not sure what she can do besides find an alternative to the IUD, which she is unwilling to do. * Would you recommend that I just bite the bullet and tell her that her reaction is unreasonable? I don't want to come off as man-splaining her own body to her. * She spends a lot of her time on TikTok, listening to women describe everything that could possibly go wrong with sex + pregnancy + childbirth + etc. I don't trust a lot of what she learns from TikTok, but I also don't know any better myself, so I can't really argue with her in a meaningful way. * Before we started dating, she got a full STD panel and tested negative for everything. She was my first sexual partner, so I didn't get tested. But when the infections started happening, I got tested and everything was negative. * She has used topical and oral antifungal medications prescribed by a couple different gynecologists. She also had me take an oral antifungal in case I was the source of the yeast infections. But she was sexually active for many years prior to having the IUD, and never had any issues, so she thinks the IUD is the culprit. * We often don't have penetrative sex --- she fingers herself while I focus on other erogenous zones. And she gets discharge afterward, which makes her feel as though she can't even masturbate. * More worryingly, she says that these yeast infections have made her realize that she does not care for sex and is very happy to spend the rest of her life sexless. I told her this would be a dealbreaker for me, and she was shocked. &#x200B; **Comment from a post on** r/BPDlovedones *This describes so many of my interactions with my girlfriend, who is diagnosed with autism. I am not sure whether she has been diagnosed with BPD, though.* *What really resonates with me about your post is the observation that there is really nothing that can be done to stop a catastrophic spiral once it starts. Any attempt to respond to it, whether by validating it or disputing it, only results in further argument. And you can't stay quiet either, because then you get accused of not caring about their concerns.* &#x200B; [UPDATE: My (28M) GF (26F) announced the end of our sex life](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/156lagd/update_my_28m_gf_26f_announced_the_end_of_our_sex/) \- 22nd July 2023 I (28M) discussed how my 26F girlfriend decided to end our sex life after nearly a year of dating. She cited health concerns --- namely repeated painful yeast infections and a loss of libido due to hormonal birth control --- as the reason for ending our sex life. I suggested to her that she see a doctor about both issues. She has seen a doctor about the yeast infections and gotten a powerful new course of antifungals; hopefully she'll feel better in a few weeks. She doesn't want to do anything about her loss of libido, though, because she doesn't think I inspire her to want to have sex. Last night, she told me that she doesn't find me all that attractive, which makes her less interested in sex than she was before. She also said that I'm not good at flirting and don't make her feel like wanting to have sex, whereas her exes would turn her on with flirting. Moreover, she feels that I have sex like a dad and make her feel like a wife rather than a girlfriend. I am devastated. She doesn't understand why I'm so upset and is terrified that I am going to break up with her. She says she is happy with a sexless relationship and loves me so much and loves how much I care for her and loves all the things I do for her. She tried to initiate sex last night, and I was so pissed that I rejected her for the first time in our relationship. She burst into tears. She had a very active sex life for years before she met me. Even if she thinks it doesn't matter, it makes me feel very low to think that she felt more sexual attraction and interest for her exes, who treated her so poorly in her view. I understand that I have lots of room to improve on flirting and sex positions and whatnot. But wouldn't a partner who says she loves me so much want to help me with that, rather than give up on sex with me? Is that too much to expect from a woman who tells me all the time that she's looking forward to getting married to me? My therapist thinks that my girlfriend is assigning blame to me so that she doesn't have to feel bad about her loss of libido. I recognize that I'm partially responsible, but I can't help but agree with my therapist too. &#x200B; UPDATE: I broke up with her. I was at her place, and I started to pack my bag. She insisted that I leave immediately without packing my bag. I continued to pack my bag, and then she grabbed my right arm. She then started punching my right arm. She then grabbed my back, and I fell backward and hit my left arm on the edge of her bathtub. I wrestled free of her and got the hell out of her place.   In another comment [Reverse Blame](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/zt34va/reverse_blame/) in r/BPDlovedones he reveals why he broke up. *Reverse blame. You know what pisses me off to no end? The ducking reverse blame.* *‘I did this really toxic shit. But YOUR response was just inexcusable.’ As it, AS IF the shit they do is completely fine. ‘It’s ok that I spend hours berating you. But you not liking it? Jesus! Could you be more horrible?’* *I’m so angry, I’m practically shaking.* OOP replies on the post: >This is literally what happened before we broke up. > >My ex threw a massive tantrum over the fact that I didn't procure tickets for the Barbie movie in advance. She yelled at me and burst into tears. Later that day, I managed to snag some tickets and took her to the movie. She didn't like the seats, because they were wheelchair companion seats, and she threw another tantrum, insisting that we go home. Once we got home, I yelled at her for being entitled and ungrateful and dumped her. She then assaulted me because I had "scared" her with my yelling, and she "needed to defend herself." &#x200B; In r/BPDlovedones he comments again on a post entitled [Butler and Personal Assistant](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/15c100h/butler_and_personal_assistant/) *My ex would literally call me her "personal assistant." She would prefer it over "boyfriend."* *I mean it was super cute at times! I loved doing acts of service for her, until I realized that she would find things to complain about no matter how much time, money, or energy I spent doing things for her.* &#x200B; Further update on the breakup >Yes, I spoke to my ex. She and her roommate have concocted a different narrative: because I was angry when I broke up with her, and because I was physically abused by a chronically angry father as a child, my ex was scared for her safety --- she was worried that I have my abusive dad's blood. Out of fear, she demanded multiple times that I leave her house. I insisted on packing up my stuff first, which made me a trespasser. Then my ex was entitled to use force to remove me from the premises, which is why she assaulted me. > >The reality is that I needed 30 seconds to pack my stuff. I am a completely nonviolent person and would never hurt a soul, victim of abuse though I may be. My ex is here in the US on a student visa. She's terrified that, if I press charges against her, she'll be sent back to Latin America, and her entire life dream would evaporate. > >My ex, her friends, and her therapist now think that I am unstable and narcissistic. I, my friends, and my therapist think that she is unstable and has borderline personality disorder. Sounds like an impasse to me, but that's okay; it's not like I want to be with her anyway. Flairing as concluded as this relationship looks like its over as clarified in further comments from the OOP over the last week. &#x200B; Edited to add in more breakup information &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP's GF announces the end of their sex life.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15divpj/oops_gf_announces_the_end_of_their_sex_life/

15djbgw

I am NOT OP. Original post by a deleted user in r/amiwrong Post was deleted but preserved at r/AmITheDevil trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!positive for 'Arthur'!<   [Am I wrong for accidently getting my parents uninvited from my brother's wedding?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/153jbne/comment/jsjllcg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 19th July 2023 &#x200B; Back when my(25m) ex "Maria"(24f) and I were dating we set my brother "Arthur"(24m) up with his ex "Jen"(24f) who was Maria's (I guess now ex) best friend. Maria and I dated for about a year, and Arthur and Jen dated for about 9 months. We'd constantly do things together since Maria and Jen were best friends. Out of our little group, my personality matched Jen's the most, which led to us getting close. I felt so comfortable around Jen, and we both had a moment of weakness. We were at a party, and we did the deed. We snuck around for about a week before Arthur and Maria found out. Jen and I decided we'd be better together, so we broke off our relationship and started dating each other. Jen and I dated for about 6 months, and it was amazing until I found out she was cheating on me and she left me for the other guy. I was heartbroken. I thought I found my match. I kept thinking about how good Maria was to me. In hindsight, she treated me way better than Jen ever did. I went to message her to beg her to take me back but decided to look at her Instagram pictures first and that's when I found out that her and Arthur had started dating in the 6 months Jen and I were together. They've been together for 4 years, and I found out from my parents that they're getting married in September. It hurt so much finding that out. What hurt even more was the fact that I didn't receive an invite. I mean, I know things have happened between us, but Arthur and I are brothers. We're family. When I told my parents I hadn't received an invite, they phoned Arthur and tried to get him to invite me, but all that ended up doing is getting them uninvited. I tried calling Arthur to get them re-invited and to get myself invited but he didn't answer any of my calls. My parents haven't said anything, but I feel like they're mad at me for getting them uninvited from Arthur's wedding. Am I wrong for accidently getting my parents uninvited from my brother's wedding?   **Top Comments** *Dear god you expected the person you cheated on to take your cheating ass back and you're shocked, shocked to discover your brother doesn't want your cheating ass at his wedding. Go figure.* &#x200B; *I’d bet mom and dad tried the “If you don’t invite your brother we won’t come” trick.* *I can picture brother unemotionally saying “cool by me, I’ll save you to trouble of having to RSVP no. You’re not invited.”* *They fucked around and found out.* &#x200B; *I’d argue his parents ruined it for themselves.* *What parents would petition the groom for an invite to the person who cheated on the bride and helped the grooms ex GF cheat on him? The betrayal is so massive. And NC and no wedding invite is the unlubed dildo of consequence from those actions.* *To advocate for OOP is to take sides. And given OOp’s behavior, it makes me wonder if OOP is the golden child, or at least favored a bit more.* &#x200B; **The Brother Responds** [My brother slept with and ran off with my ex and now wants an invite to my wedding, getting my parents uninvited in the process](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/156wgjj/my_brother_slept_with_and_ran_off_with_my_ex_and/) \- 22nd July 2023 Original post by u/throwaway6789123451 in r/EntitledPeople &#x200B; I(24m) wasn't even going to make a post about this, but my brother, who I'll call Turk(25m), made 4 posts about it, so I thought I should share my side of the story. I'll use the same names he did for the sake of simplicity. My fiancé is "Maria"(24f) and my ex is "Jen"(24f) A little over 5 years ago, my brother started dating Maria, my (now) fiance. 3 months after they started dating, they set me up with her (now ex) best friend, Jen. The 4 of us did a lot together since the girls were best friends. Turk and Maria dated for a year, and Jen and I dated for 9 months. At the end of our relationship, I came home early and found Turk and Jen having sex in my bed. After I processed the situation, I called Maria because I'd want to know if I was in her place. She came over, and we confronted Turk and Jen. They dumped us, and I found out 2 days later, started dating each other. It broke me. I came home to find my brother fucking my girlfriend only to run off with her. I had to move back in with my parents. It was infuriating because they kept talking about how happy Turk and Jen were. Throughout the next couple of months, Maria and I started talking. We were two people in similar shitty situations, and we found some comfort in each other. 4 months after we got dumped, Maria and I officially started dating. 6 months after we got dumped, Turk found out that Jen was cheating on him and she left him for the other guy (I actually only found this out today from reading Turks post). Maria would get the occasional message from Turk, trying to reconnect but she ignored him. Anyway, moving on to now. Maria and I are engaged and getting married in September. My parents were invited until my mom called me and threatened to not come if I didn't invite Turk. I told her to not bother coming regardless. In my mother's eyes, Turk can do no wrong. When he fucked and started dating my ex, I told my parents everything he did and my mom tried defending him. Our relationship isn't the greatest but it was somewhat decent. After I uninvited my parents (I only uninvited my mom but my dad texted me and said he's not coming if my mom isn't) Turk blew up my phone trying to get ahold of me. This is the first time he's even tried reaching out to me in 4 years. Like I said before, Turk posted about this situation here on reddit as well and apparently my parents told him that Maria and I were getting married and that started this whole thing of them getting uninvited. He's stopped calling me but he's blowing up my phone with texts begging me to re-invite my parents and possibly give him an invite. So yeah, I just wanted to get my side out there. &#x200B; **Top Comments** *Your mom downplaying what he did to you is kinda telling who's side she's on. I've come across that piece. It seems in Turks eyes; he didn't do anything wrong either. And trying to get ahold of Maria is also trying to steal her from you...* *You're better off without all of them from your life, moving forward. Good luck with your upcoming wedding.* &#x200B; *Turks a dick.* *You should give them invites but to a different location. Like a graveyard since he cant stop digging up the past with Maria. Just make sure noone gives them the real adress 😜.* >That's a funny idea &#x200B; *Your entire family is toxic asf. How dare they take Turk's side?! At this point, OP, cut your losses. You said you're parents think Turk can do no wrong. That'll never change.* *They constantly disregard your feelings, which isn't ok. You were broken from witnessing Turk & Jen having sex in your f\*cking bed! How could your parents think that's ok? So, what did they expect when you didn't invite your brother to one of the most precious times of your life?* *I'm proud for you for standing up for yourself & Maria. That takes a lot of self-respect & strength. I'm thrilled for you to have found someone who completes you. Let's go! You deserve happiness.* *As I said, though, get out of there. More guilt trips & toxic behavior from your family will ensue otherwise. You deserve better* &#x200B; >Thank you so much. I think this is the beginning of the end of my relationship with my parents. &#x200B; >My parents and I have a pretty rocky relationship since my brother can do no wrong in their eyes, yet I do almost all wrong in their eyes. They threatened not to come if I didn't invite my brother, and I said don't bother coming at all. &#x200B; Flairing as concluded as it looks like 'Arthur' will be going NC with his parents as well as not inviting his brother. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP gets his parents uninvited to his brothers wedding due to his cheating past

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15djbgw/oop_gets_his_parents_uninvited_to_his_brothers/