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derek-thomas

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dataset-creator-reddit-bestofredditorupdates

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zj2i3m

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Rolls Royce is Airdropping 1000 Free NFTs for first 1000 People To Claim It.

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_AbiShen744

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zj2lhf

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Official Porsche NFT public/free Ethereum mint now live. 1000 hand drawn sketches with tangible benefits for Porsche owners. Interesting at least.

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glycerinblue911

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Palm Angels NFT public/free Ethereum mint now live. 2022 NFTs for the first 2022 people.

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meuunicoamorjus535

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zj305t

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/wifehadanaffair in r/infidelity** trigger warnings: >!infidelity, racism, groping, miscarriages, potential rape, child neglect, abuse of power!< mood spoiler: >!sad!< [Acronym guide](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/acronym_guide) ---   [**My wife had an affair with her co-worker**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/v2tetz/my_wife_had_an_affair_with_her_coworker/) - 1 June 2022 I’m in desperate need of help and advice. I (28M) found out that my wife (28F) had an affair with her former supervisor (35M) at work who’s married himself with kids. We’ve been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts; we were each others first relationship and first everything. When we were little kids, we were even neighbors. She has always been there. We both came from broken homes, but we always had each other, and we created something different than what we grew up seeing… or at least that’s what I thought. Maybe I was just one big idiot the entire time. I still work remote while my wife has since gone back to being in person. There’s not many women in her field, and she used to vent to me a lot that her job was more in line with a boys club. Her AP, who was still her supervisor at the time, was “one of the good ones” supposedly and “looked out” for my wife at work. Recently, my wife received a promotion and I was so happy for her; she was now a supervisor herself. This came some new responsibility such as having to take a few business trips during the year. Her first trip happened last week, Wednesday through Friday. Before she left, I told her that I’d be rooting for her from home, and she told me that she’d be leaving her heart with me and to take care of it; that’s something she always says to me whenever we have to be apart. On Monday, she came home from work early; I could immediately tell that something was wrong. She looked overwhelmed, and there was a red mark on her right cheek; my wife is pale and tends to bruise easily. I asked her what happened, but she only asked me to hug her; said she just wanted to feel my embrace. I hugged her and after a few moments, she proceeded to say there was an incident at work. She sat me down on the couch and made the confession that has destroyed me and completely uprooted my life; she had sex with her former supervisor on the team lead trip. I couldn’t even process at first; it was like I was watching it happen to someone else or like she was going to reveal it was a cruel joke. I think I would’ve accepted the cruel joke over reality. I was quiet during her whole confession, not saying one word. I was just in shock. Cheating is a sensitive topic for me as it is for a lot of people. My own family was wrecked by an affair my dad had; I’m the one who caught him cheating and told my mom. My dad and I’s relationship is not good at all because he blames me for “ruining the family” and he has never forgiven me. My wife saw what cheating did to my family, and knew how much it tore me apart. Heck, she’s seen me cry over this back when we were teens and she comforted me. And then she turns around and does this to me? To us? Apparently, the man’s own wife found out, and confronted her husband and my wife at work. It was a big scene with employees and customers all present. The woman had called my wife white trash and slapped her. After the slap, other employees started interfering and the woman was escorted out of the building. My wife then called her older sister (30F). In her words, she said her sister scolded her and told her that she needed to tell me about the affair and that I needed to hear it from her. I still never said a word, and she asked me to please say something. The only thing I could muster up to say in the moment was I needed her to tell me what happened on the trip. She said on the second day of the trip, she went out for drinks with the other team leads and that the group stayed out late and she felt like she needed to participate for a team bonding experience. Throughout the night, each team lead wandered off until it was only her and her former supervisor left and they went back to his room to listen to music. He kept complimenting her and telling her how sexy she was, and that if he were me, he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her. He eventually kissed her. My wife told me she doesn’t know what came over her, and that she wasn’t thinking clearly, but she let him keep kissing her which then turned to him groping her. They progressed to having sex. I didn’t want anymore details because I couldn’t take it and I got up off the couch, telling her to stop. She reached out to take my hand, but I moved away and told her not to touch me. She broke down crying, and started profusely apologizing and begging for forgiveness; saying how it was the biggest mistake of her life, that she hates herself, and she wishes she could take it back. She kept repeating how much she loves me and only me. That the alcohol clouded her judgement. I told her she needed to leave; she needed to call her sister to pick her up. She got up from the couch, crying even more, and tried to hug me, but I moved away again. She begged me not to do this, saying all kinds of stuff like she will quit her job… give me full access to her phone… saying we’ll do counseling. I couldn’t keep it together. I told her if she wasn’t going to leave the house then I would. I didn’t even stop to pack a bag or anything, but just went for the door. She grabbed my arm; I guess, to try to stop me from leaving, and kept pleading for me not to do this, and saying after everything we’ve been through that this can’t be the end of us. Despite everything, seeing her in that state and leaving her behind while she was crying still tore me apart because I love her. I love her more than I ever thought was possible to love someone else. But she broke me. She tossed our entire life and future away. I ended up going to my mom’s house, and that’s currently where I’m staying. I don’t know how I kept my senses during the drive, but when I arrived, I just cried. I don’t even think my mom has even seen me cry as a teen or an adult. The only person who’s ever seen me cry is my wife. I did tell my mom what happened because I honestly didn’t know how to keep it from her with me showing up at her place in that way. She was brokenhearted over it; she and my wife always got along. My mom treated her like a daughter, that was their relationship. She didn’t pass any judgement, but said I could stay as long as I needed and tried to offer some words of comfort. Ever since I left, my wife has been blowing up my phone with calls and texts, but I haven’t answered or wrote back; the texts have basically just been begging me to come home and to talk with her, asking where I am, and to please not give up on us. I just feel so broken. I thought I knew what this pain was like, but it’s nothing compared to experiencing it yourself. I never thought my wife would do something like this. I always had the belief that there was no coming back from cheating for me; that the relationship would be over, but now I keep thinking if I should give our relationship another chance… go to counseling together and try to salvage the relationship. I keep thinking back to all the history we have, how much I love her, how we always felt like matching puzzle pieces, and how when I thought I had no one, she was there. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to proceed. I’m at a loss.   [**UPDATE: My wife had an affair with her co-worker**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/v4golr/update_my_wife_had_an_affair_with_her_coworker/) - 4 June 2022 Thanks to everyone for the advice, concern, and resources. With everything going on, I haven’t been able to respond to every comment or message, but they’ve been very much appreciated. This week has been the most excruciating. I feel like a helpless kid again who can only watch as the world around me falls apart. And I’m going through it without my wife, who has been my best friend and support. I was certain I didn’t have the whole story. So yesterday I looked into contacting OBS. I knew I needed to hear what she had to say in order for me to get some clarity; she wouldn’t have any agenda to lie or withhold whatever information she had from me. I found her FB account, and wrote her on Messenger. She responded no more than ten minutes later and offered to video call right then. I immediately replied that I was available. One look without a word, and I could tell she was going through a similar hell like me. She said that shortly after being escorted out of the workplace last Monday, she actually tried to get in contact with me, but couldn’t find my details; in fact, one of the last things she said to my wife was threatening that she was going to tell me. When she was saying this, all I could think of was how my wife rushed home that day and how her sister told her that I needed to hear about the affair from her. I asked her if she knew more about what occurred during the team lead trip or was this really just an ONS and how did she find out. What she told me confirmed my fears; the affair dates back to before the trip. Documented proof from texts that were of an intense emotional affair. All of this, OBS shared with me with screen share, and I could barely keep it together. She told me that back in January, she noticed that her husband was withdrawn and disinterested towards her. There were times she saw him texting my wife, but he would brush it off as work related convos. The day before the trip, she went to the job to drop something off her SO had forgotten, and she found in his office with my wife, standing close together, joking and smiling; she said the whole atmosphere between them felt flirty. When they noticed her, they parted, and my wife’s face looked panicked while her husband went over it altogether. She said it was then that she felt certain there was something going on between her husband and my wife, but she didn’t address it because she wanted undeniable proof her husband couldn’t escape from. After the trip, her SO was more distant and dismissive. That night, she waited until he fell asleep and then checked his phone; she went to his text thread with my wife where everything was there to see: intimate texts back and forth before the trip; it started as an emotional cheating, others were of AP saying that it was impossible for him to focus at work whenever my wife was around. In these texts, it was clear that AP was the pursuer/aggressor toward my wife, but that doesn’t really make a difference because she never shut down his advances. Some of the pre-trip texts were AP bashing his wife and going off about repeated miscarriages… it was just plain disgusting with how he talked about her to my wife. He kept mentioning how maybe he needed a woman like my wife. There were texts from last Thursday night with AP inviting my wife to join the team for drinks, and texts AP sent to my wife the following morning which clearly revealed that they had sex. At this point, there were no more replies from my wife after Thursday night. I didn’t think it was possible for me to hurt any worse, but here I am. OSB said it took her everything to remain calm as she didn’t want to alert her twins sleeping in the other room, but she didn’t wake her husband up nor confront him immediately. She said that in her heart she was done with him, and that for her, he had crossed a line he couldn’t come back from. She said she was more angry than she’d ever been during their marriage, and that through her anger, she was set on humiliating him like he had humiliated her. So she faked her smiles and acted like everything was fine and waited until Monday, where she was going to out him at work in front of his peers, underlings, and costumers. She said this confrontation had been brewing for a while now,. Apparently, it was only a coincidence that my wife was at work that day as well; when OSB saw my wife with AP and another employee, she decided to target my wife, too. When she went on to calling out my wife, my wife tried unsuccessfully to get her to quiet down. OBS then started saying her husband had no signs of remorse in the slightest, but only anger at her public outburst. I learned from her that AP was fired the following day after the confrontation. She also kicked him out of the house, and said one of the hardest things in her life was having to explain this all to her twins; I had an idea of what she meant because I saw my own mom have to do the same thing after my dad. She said that this whole ordeal showed her who her husband really was, and while her husband pursued my wife, nonetheless my wife still had a part in the affair, and that as a woman, she had no sympathy or respect for my wife whatsoever. I told her I in no way fault her for that, and that she has every right. She actually apologized to me; for her husband’s role in the affair. I literally was at a loss for words for a moment, and then I apologized for the part my wife played, and she said that her and I are now a part of a club we never wanted to be in; a club that our SO’s forced us in. She asked me about my wife and I; I told her that I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do, but that I wasn’t currently staying with my wife. She wished me all the best, and I did the same to her, and before ending the call, we exchanged numbers, so if we ever wanted to talk again. Every raw emotion was only heightened. I confided in my mom about what I learned and she still didn’t voice any judgement, but I could tell that she’s upset with my wife. A part of me feels great happiness that AP is losing everything; his job and his family, and that maybe he’s out there suffering as well. But I’m not proud of that feeling; at the same time I feel immense guilt over that because a wife is losing her husband, and children are losing their family as they know it… those kids are in for a whole world of pain. I feel anger also towards my wife for doing this to us, for breaking our vows, and for putting my health in jeopardy; we did have sex after she returned from the trip, and the post-trip texts hint that protection wasn’t used. I do know I should resume contact with my wife regarding the information OBS has provided me with, and demand a timeline. But at the same time I feel even more lost than I was when I made the original post. I feel like I’m just drowning here.   [**I broke no contact with my wife who had an affair with her co-worker**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/v6oh55/i_broke_no_contact_with_my_wife_who_had_an_affair/) - 7 June 2022 I want to start this off by thanking everyone for the advice/kind words/support. Everything is appreciated. Admittedly, there’s been some comments/messages hard to see, but they’re nevertheless needed, and I feel like they’re coming from a good place. One week since D-day. After talking with OBS I’ve been trying to process everything. I haven’t been sleeping well. To know that my wife, who I’ve known since we were five years old and started dating at 13, who had been my best friend/confidante, had an affair… I feel like an empty shell. When I step outside, I feel like people know and they’re secretly laughing at me. Has anyone else felt that way? I decided to break NC to request a timeline. The plan was to go Sunday without warning, and if I’m being honest, I wanted to give her another chance to be truthful, and to see how she’d been living. Some mentioned AP could be at our home. It was painful to consider that she could be defiling the home we shared together for most of our adult lives, but after everything… it wasn’t far-fetched. I texted OBS for a description of AP’s car, and why I needed it; she sent the info. I made the drive back, and looked out for AP’s car, but it wasn’t around. I went into the house to find my WW by herself on the couch. She was stunned to see me; her eyes were red and a little puffy, like she’d been crying. I hated seeing her this way, and I had this urge to comfort her. But then I recalled how we got here in the first place. It was confusing almost, not acting to help her. My WW called my name with a sense of relief and moved toward me, but I asked her to stop; she did then said that she’d been worried about me and thanked me for coming back home. I asked if AP had been in the house; she said no. But I searched the house, and she followed after while promising that he was never here. I didn’t find anything that suggested AP was. I asked if she had any contact with him; she admitted he left a voicemail, but she didn’t call back and blocked his number. She showed proof of this. We sat at the dining room table to talk. At this point, I tried not getting lost in emotion. I told her I would like for her to answer my questions; she agreed to do so, and that she’s just glad I’m here and that we’re talking again. I asked her if she had quit, and she said she hadn’t yet, but on the same day AP was fired, she was suspended for a week pending an investigation; tomorrow she’ll learn the outcome. She said AP’s firing was the sole reason she hadn’t quit like she offered. I asked her to tell me about the affair. She said she already did but I told her that we both know there’s more to the story, and now I’m giving her another chance to be honest with me, and if I were to discover any lies then there would be no going back. She was quiet for a few moments and then she nodded. She revealed the extent of the affair and it matched with what OBS showed me; the affair started emotionally, and that there had been some flirting at work, but she insisted they only had sex the one time. She didn’t go into every single detail that OBS showed, but she revealed the EA. She didn’t say anything I didn’t already know, but it was like a fresh wound opened up after hearing her confirm it. I was left in silence again, like how I was on D-day. She asked me to please tell her what I was thinking; I asked her why would she do this? She knew/saw my family’s history firsthand, but still did this; was she unhappy in any way? At this, she broke down crying, and said she has never been unhappy with me or our marriage; that she loves me and our relationship is the most important thing to her. I said her actions speak louder. She said she doesn’t know why she got involved in the affair, but she never wanted to hurt me, and it kills her; that by the time the they had sex, she made so many mistakes and realized she was in too deep, and didn’t know how to pull herself out, especially when AP had championed for her at work. She told me that the affair was no failure on my part, and that it’s all on her. I asked, if she felt forced by AP, to which she said that everyone loved him and that as I know there was a boys club mentality. She said that she froze up during sex. She just kept saying sorry, and if she could take it all back she would. My emotions were slipping, so I tried to speed it along, and asked why would she have sex with me, which she initiated; she only said that she felt so disgusting and guilty that she wanted to “wash it away” by being with me again. I told her she didn’t “wash” anything away; all she did was endanger me to ease her conscience. She didn’t have a response; she only kept crying. I then asked her if she ever planned to tell me; she said she wanted to confess, was afraid because she knew how cheating was a dealbreaker for me; she thought she could fix it by stopping the affair, and not communicating with AP outside of work; she said she stopped texting him after they had sex. I asked her if AP wore a condom, and she revealed sex wasn’t planned and that because she froze up, she didn’t mention it to AP. She said that she‘ll never forgive herself, and that I have every right to hate her; and that seeing the pain she caused me, and being without me with NC has extremely scared her. She pleaded with me to give our marriage another chance; but I compared her to my dad, and that remark stung deep. She said she was nothing like him, but I asked where’s the difference? She tried to take my hand, but I moved my hands out of the way. She said that we’re not my parents, and it’s different for us; and to please tell her that we can make it over this, after everything we’ve been through. I couldn’t tell say that. I then made my timeline request; it seemed to terrify her, but I insisted, and she agreed. I told her that we needed to get tested; she agreed without an issue. I was barely keeping my emotions in order, so I went to go pack a bag and some essentials. She begged me to stay; saying that she’ll stay on the couch, but she just wanted me to be home. I said that I couldn’t stay here with her. When I was leaving, she said she loves me so much and that she’s sorry for everything. I didn’t say anything in return; I couldn’t. She then asked where I was staying, and I admitted that I with my mom; she asked if I could tell my mom something, but said I can’t be her go-between. I know she’s also worried about her relationship with my mom; as I said before, she treated her like a daughter. WW never really had her mom in her life; there was neglect. She asked if she could hug me, but I said no and left. Now, I’m just looking at my options. She told more of the truth this time, but reality is still reality. I don’t know what to make of her statement that she froze up. I also don’t know if I’m ready to tell other people about the affair because I feel so embarrassed. Anyway, right now I’m trying to take it day by day, and would greatly appreciate any advice on how to proceed from here.   [**I received the timeline from my wife of her affair with her co-worker**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/v8k7am/i_received_the_timeline_from_my_wife_of_her/) - 9 June 2022 Hi, everyone. Thanks for the continued support. Here’s an update on the situation. I’ve been keeping light contact with my WW: she texted that she was going in for the post-suspension meeting. An hour later, she said she was fired. We discussed the STD tests. We’ll be going on Thursday. Last night, she FaceTimed me; I was hesitant to answer. She still looked the same as Sunday. She said she had finished the timeline, and I told her I’d be coming over tomorrow. She said that writing the timeline was one of the hardest things she has done, only second to our current separation. She was trying not to cry. Usually, I’d comfort her, but I couldn’t. My mom offered to come with for support; she said she wouldn’t go into the house, but she’d wait in the car. I think she was worried about me driving back. I accepted her offer, and I drove us. My WW was waiting for me inside with a two-page document. She was anxious. I sat by her on the couch; it was like Dday again. I wanted her to read the timeline. She was thrown by this; the fear was clear on her face. Her and I were always so attuned, and her fear heightened my dread. I said I needed her to do this for me, and after a moment she did. It was crushing on Dday, it was crushing when I talked to OBS, it was crushing when WW admitted the EA, and it was still crushing. The timeline covered from WW being hired-Dday; how her and AP’s friendship begun, the culture at work, how AP presented himself as different; while he joked with the guys, he didn’t go along with the nonsense and kept his department intact. He started looking out for her and went out of his way to get her seen/credited. A friendship established. AP started venting about his home life, and she was a listening ear to him. He would ask about hers; he seemed to be probing. She told him about her mom relapsing. He grew bolder in venting; she wished she’d spoken up, but was blinded by her view of AP being “one of the good ones”. At work, co-workers mocked her of being AP’s favorite, etc. She didn’t confide in me about this because at the time I was getting into it with my dad; she felt like her problems were petty in comparison, so she didn’t want to throw it on me. She vented to AP; this started the EA, and now AP was being told about issues that I wasn’t. This hurt to hear because we always kept an open line of communication with each other; there wasn’t anything we couldn’t talk about. No matter what I had going on she was my first priority and I would’ve been there for her; we were a team. AP started flirting at work/texts, and she started flirting back. He told her that a promotion was coming up, and he wanted to make sure that she was a contender as she was one of the best employees. After the promotion, he hugged her; that was their first physical contact, and he joked that she could thank him some other time. When the team went out for drinks, they broke off to their own table and he vented about OBS and his kids. They went to his room under the pretense of “listening to music” and taking the party upstairs to celebrate her promotion. He turned on music and talked about the view from his room. He pulled her to him and started dancing a bit; he kept saying how sexy she is/if he were me, he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of her. He eventually kissed her, and she froze up; her mind shut down… her mind/emotions weren’t there. AP started groping her all over and it went to sex; she didn’t orgasm and AP finished quickly. He told her “that was a hell of a celebration”. He eventually fell asleep. She quietly got out of bed, and left to her room. She immediately went into the shower and repeatedly scrubbed her body, but she still felt filthy. She didn’t sleep that night and just cried as she thought of me. The next morning, there was only one meeting, but she didn’t go; AP called and said he was disappointed he missed out on a second go in the morning. She was barely replying, and he asked if something was wrong, but she lied that she was hungover. He told her that he’d cover for her at the meeting. He tossed the idea of them staying behind another day. She was afraid to tell me about what happened because she knew how cheating was a dealbreaker for me. She made a plan to stop the affair by not communicating with AP beyond work. She came home early even more wrecked with guilt as we reunited, but she acted like nothing was wrong. On Saturday morning, she initiated sex in an attempt to “wash away what she did”; but she only felt worse since she’d been with AP without a condom. On Monday, AP pulled her aside, and she told him that they should leave what happened in the past and that it was a mistake, but AP was refuting until another employee approached. After the confrontation, she called her sister in a state of panic; my SIL found out the same day I did. There’s more to the timeline, but I summed it up. While reading, she cried, and took short breaks to catch her breath. I wasn’t holding up much either. She touched my hand as she repeatedly apologized, but I removed my hand from under hers. I had to get out of there, so I asked for the timeline and left. Inside my car, I broke down, and my mom, without saying a word embraced me; I sat there crying in her arms like I was a little kid again. I was in no condition to drive, so she drove us back. My WW kept calling/texting, and blowing up my mom’s phone, but I told my mom that I would handle it. I eventually called back; she asked if I was ok, but I said why in the world would I be ok. She apologized, and said I was right; she was no better than my dad. She said doing the timeline was like confronting herself; that it gave her clarity. She said she loves me and has only ever loved me. That before we got together, we were friends who became best friends, and every moment with me she treasures. She said she hates herself for every choice she’d made at the job; that she knows nothing she’s going through compares to what I/OBS & kids are. She said nothing she’s lost mean anything compared to losing me; she asked if I could find it within me to reconcile, and she’ll spend forever trying to show me what our relationship means to her, and do the work to make things right again. I couldn’t respond and my right hand was literally shaking. I only said that I needed some space. Do I regret hearing the timeline? Not really because I needed to have it. Sometimes a decision can be hard for me; something I pick apart, but once I make one, I do my best to stick to it; that’s kinda always been my way. I have always loved my WW, we have been through a lot together, and I don’t want to lose our relationship, but I still look at what’s happened and I’m just broken. I do think IC would go good. I did IC for a year after my dad’s affair. I also still want to go the polygraph route as well. I know I need to have my WW take a pregnancy test, too; she’s on birth control, but still. I would appreciate any thoughts and advice on this whole situation.   [**I discovered some more info after my wife’s timeline of her affair with her co-worker**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/vashxt/i_discovered_some_more_info_after_my_wifes/) - 12 June 2022 Hi, everyone. First off, thanks to everyone who reached out and provided advice or support; everything is appreciated. Here’s an update: Since my WW read her timeline there hasn’t been a moment, it hasn’t been heavily weighing on me; and I still haven’t slept well. I’ve read the timeline at least once everyday, and with every re-read I experience a variety of emotions; sadness, hurt, anger, and embarrassment. Sometimes I can’t even form how I’m feeling into words. I don’t think that she was lying/doctoring it up; everything does match with what OBS showed me. I think the timeline was impactful for her. The affair is the affair, but I do believe that AP preyed on her. I’m angry I was unaware of it, and didn’t protect her. When we were 17, there was this bad incident with her mom, and she came over to my house, and I held her in my arms and I promised I would always protect her no matter what… and I feel like I failed with AP. I didn’t see his motives. I only took her word. On Friday night, I texted OBS to see if we could talk; I wanted her input, and to see how her/the twins were doing. She called; she had just put her kids to bed, and said how rough it’s been on the kids; and that she’s just been trying to focus on them. She said that it’s going to be a bitter divorce; AP’s acting like the wronged party and puffed up with himself. He hasn’t apologized or anything. He’s living at an extended stay. She changed the locks, so he couldn’t come and go. I asked about AP’s history; past cheating/abuse of power. She knew where I was getting at. She suspicions of past infidelities over the years, that a woman always knew, but she never had proof he couldn’t deny; she believes he grew overconfident/sloppy with my WW. There was one allegation 5 years ago at AP’s previous job; a co-worker reported him to HR for retaliating against her after she refused an advance, but nothing came of it. She was viewed as a “difficult employee” who was “frequently late” and dismissed as “bitter” after AP wrote her up. OBS she ignored the warning signs because she was pregnant. There wasn’t another allegation and he had a great reputation. The info took me a minute to process. I did ask if AP gave her a timeline; she said she didn’t care for one because she just wants a divorce. She asked if I had made a decision yet with my WW, and I told her that I hadn’t; she suggested her attorney when I was ready or just for a consultation. I took the info, and thanked her. We talked for a little bit about life post-Dday, before hanging up. I felt more anger toward AP. I do believe he set his sights on WW, but she still had an EA which only grew, and I just feel so deeply hurt, lost, and betrayed. I really hate all of this. Yesterday, I still couldn’t get what OBS said off my mind. My SIL called me, and the tone of her voice was troubling. She was worried about my WW; that she didn’t believe she was doing well, and had not been eating. She asked if I had talked to her at all, but I hadn’t since Thursday; so far, my WW has been respecting me, asking for some space. This did not please me to hear in the slightest; I hated the idea of my WW being in this way, and every day with NC or not seeing her has been extremely hard for me. She asked if I could try talking with her, but she didn’t have to because I had already decided on going to see her. On the way over, I stopped at this local restaurant, my WW loves, and ordered her usual meal to-go, and then I went straight to our home without prior warning. Admittedly, a part of me wondered if I might find AP there this time around; but again, his car wasn’t around. I entered the house, and my WW was lying on the couch; the TV was on, but she wasn’t watching it. She looked like she was going through hell. Conflicting emotions hit me: 1. Some choices of hers brought this on, and 2. I wanted to comfort her, and promise her that everything would be ok. She sat up, surprised to see me. She moved to get up, I assume, to hug me, but she stopped herself. I showed her the food, and told her that I needed her to eat something; this caught her off guard and she said that I didn’t have to do this, but I said I wanted to. I helped her get settled at the table, got her something to drink, and she started eating her meal. I asked if she heard from AP or if he’s been to the house, and she said no; I asked if I could see her phone. Without any hesitation, she handed it over to me. While she ate, I spent some time searching her phone; there weren’t any new convos with AP, and his number was still blocked. I waited until she was finished eating before I said anything up that could distract her; I mentioned that her sister had called, and this threw her off. She promised that she didn’t ask her to do that and she’s been trying to respect my space request, but I said that it was ok, and that I wasn’t bothered by the call. She said I shouldn’t have to rush home to take care of her, but I said our vows say otherwise; and they still matter to me. She starts tearing up, and says that she ruined us; that she ruined me, and me/our relationship was the very best part of her life, and meant everything to her. She said that she’s angry with herself, disappointed in herself; that I only ever loved and trusted her, but she hurt and betrayed me in the way that would tear me apart the most; and she’ll never forgive herself. At this point, I don’t know what happened, but her words had hit me deeply, and I just broke down. She kept saying that she didn’t deserve me, and she just kept tearing herself to shreds; the last thing she said was that I must regret being with her. For the first time since Dday, I cut in and said that my whole life has been wrecked, but she knew that I don’t regret her. I listed how many times she saved me, and that I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for her. I reminded her about the day we first met at the neighborhood playground when we were 5, or how at 13 when I admitted my feelings for her, and the entire time I was nervously stumbling over my words, and she held my hand to reassure me; even then I knew I wanted to be by her side. How, when I proposed and she said yes; I was beyond excited for us to start our lives together in that way. I never wanted to part from her; that she was it for me, and that never once changed before Dday. We just cried without saying another word. I tried to gather myself, then told her that I needed to go. As I was leaving, she thanked me for coming over, then said that she understands my need for space, and she’ll accept whatever consequences come her way, but that she’s not giving up on us, and that she’s going to start looking into IC. I only nodded. I have my first IC scheduled for Monday. But I feel like I’m nowhere closer to knowing how to proceed, nor do I feel any less lost. Every emotion you could possibly imagine is just wrecking me, and I feel like I’m trapped in a maze. I would appreciate any advice.   [**My wife had an affair with her co-worker**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/vbm9h0/my_wife_had_an_affair_with_her_coworker/) - 13 June 2022 Hi, everyone. This is my first time posting here. I was told that this sub could be good for me with my ongoing situation. I have five posts detailing my ordeal and I’ll be providing links to those at the end of this post for better context. But here’s a brief overall summery➡️ I (28M) found out that my WW (28F) had an EA which turned into a PA with her co-worker (35M); AP’s married himself with twins. Dday for me is officially 3 weeks ago. The affair came out after AP’s STBXW confronted him and my WW at work, which caused a big scene in front of other employees and customers. She and I have been married for 5 years, but we’ve been together for 15 years in total; we met when we were 5 years old, remained neighbors growing up, and started dating at 13. We’ve been together ever since; we were each others first relationship and first everything. We both came from broken homes; my own family was wrecked by an affair my dad had, and I’m the one who caught him cheating, and told my mom. My relationship with my dad is not good at all because he blames me for “ruining the family” and he has never forgiven me. My WW’s broken home consisted of her alcoholic mom and neglect. But we always had each other, and we strived to create something different than what we grew up seeing. My WW has profusely apologized, has given me a detailed timeline, and has asked me if I could find it in myself to reconcile. Ever since Dday, I’ve just been broken and feel like I’m drowning. I left our home and I’ve been staying with my mom. I went from having NC with my WW to light contact. I haven’t been doing well. Apparently it’s been the same way for my WW. My WW has said that she understands my need for space, and she’ll accept whatever consequences come her way, but that she’s not giving up on us, and that she’s going to start looking into IC. I actually had my first IC today. This is all one summary, so I do hope you’re able to read my five previous posts for the whole story. I always said cheating would be a dealbreaker for me, but I don’t know anything anymore regarding all of this. I hate feeling so helpless again. I’m here today to ask the community what has reconciliation looked like for you? What has it entailed? Would it display a lack of boundaries if reconciliation was offered after it was already stated cheating was a dealbreaker?; could any boundary be taken seriously after that? I would appreciate not just answers to these questions, but any input, advice, and perspectives.   **THERE IS A PART 2** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My wife had an affair with her co-worker [PART 1/2]

INCONCLUSIVE

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zj305t/my_wife_had_an_affair_with_her_coworker_part_12/

zj30pf

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/wifehadanaffair in r/infidelity** trigger warnings: >!infidelity, racism, groping, miscarriages, potential rape, child neglect, abuse of power!< mood spoiler: >!sad!< **CONTINUING FROM PART 1** --- [**The mind movies have begun and an update on my WW’s health**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/vdcjrt/the_mind_movies_have_begun_and_an_update_on_my/) - 16 June 2022 Hi, everyone. Thanks again for the insightful advice, support, and sharing your stories on my last post. It really meant a lot during this time. There’s been some developments since the last time I posted, so I thought I’d provide an update. Last night was a particularly rough night for me. Out of nowhere, my mind started playing mind movies of my WW and AP… so that was hell in a new form. Watching TV couldn’t get my mind off of it… reading couldn’t get my mind off of it… anything I tried, really, didn’t work. Last Monday was my first IC session. I was nervous about it; if I’m being honest, that nervousness hasn’t entirely left me, but I think the first session went ok, and I’m comfortable so far with the therapist’s style. For right now, I have two sessions per week; I’m still on a leave of absence from work, so I’m trying to make the most of it. My next session is tomorrow. There’s been some progress with my WW following through on seeking IC for herself. Originally, she had told me that she was searching over the weekend, and that yesterday morning she had a general conversation with a therapist over the phone. That same day, she texted me the name and contact details of the one she was leaning toward. I haven’t had much contact with my WW since we saw each other last Saturday. It’s been some texts back-and-forth. Admittedly, I have been concerned due to her not doing well and not eating. I know some might say that I shouldn’t care at this point in time, but I do care. I haven’t been doing so well myself since Dday, but I just can’t help but worry about her. Just the thought of her this way hurts me even more. I want her to be better again; I want to tell her that everything’s going to be ok again, but I can’t do any of that. I’ve had some conversations with my SIL, and from what she told me, there hadn’t been much improvement. This morning, I received a FaceTime call from my WW. There wasn’t much difference from how she looked last Saturday; she tried to mask it with a little smile, but I wasn’t fooled by it. She used to have the most bright, infectious kind of smile; she would literally just smile for no apparent reason other than just to smile. We used to joke about it sometimes. Seeing her on the FaceTime call was no less heartbreaking. All I could think of was how different things were only just a few weeks ago, and now everything’s changed; everything’s broken. And I just sit and wonder how did we end up here, and the know the answer to that: the affair. I’m just so sad and upset, and a part of me feels like someone should pay for what’s happened to my family and OBS’s family. Does that even make sense? Has anyone else felt this way before? I don’t know… maybe a lot of people are already paying for it. OBS, her kids, and myself. I think my WW is paying for it now too. I asked her what was going on, and she told me something had happened which she was relieved about; she was going to just text it, but decided to try calling at the last second. Her period started today; so that news eliminated any potential pregnancy with AP concerns. I thanked her for letting me know. We were both quiet for a moment, and then I broke the silence. We started talking about a variety of things; her not really eating, her mental state, her employment status, and her going to IC. She said that my concern shouldn’t be on her right now, but I made her promise to start eating regularly, and she agreed that she would try. I also mentioned that she should really start making movement on IC; and not just because she thinks it could save our relationship, but I needed her to do so for herself. Despite whatever becomes of our relationship… I do think IC will serve her well. She promised that she had been seriously looking into IC, and that everything she said before weren’t empty words. I asked her if she was looking at anything in regards to new employment. She said she had been looking at a few job listings; and that my SIL had also sent her some listings that she spotted. The jobs my WW has been looking at are some in the field she was in, and also some costumer service jobs, but she hasn’t applied for anything yet. I asked if she was covered financially, and she said she still had some money saved that’d help with her being unemployed. She asked how I was doing, and I simply said everything she could imagine, but ten times worst. I wasn’t trying to do some purposeful jab at her, but it was the truth; in fact, the truth was I was feeling worse than that. She said that every time I check in on her or provide some verbal support, even after what she’s done, that she feels even more guilty, but she feels like she deserves every ounce of those feelings. I didn’t really know what to say to that at the time. But before I could say anything; she reiterated her promise to seek IC. She mentioned something that surprised me. She name dropped a book that I’ve seen a few people on here recommend to me: How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair by Linda J. MacDonald. She hadn’t purchased it yet, but said she thought it would be good for her to read. Shortly after that, we ended the call. I sent a text to my SIL; asking her to keep an eye on her sister as much as she could during this time and to update me. This afternoon, my WW texted me that she had made the appointment with the therapist she was telling me about; her first session is this Friday. So at least that process is officially beginning on that for her. All in all, not much has changed for me. I absolutely dread the thought of another bout with the mind movies. Does anyone have any advice on combating those? I lost that fight last night. Would it even be a good idea for my WW to read the book now? Again, I would appreciate any advice or perspective anyone has to offer.   [**Update: It’s been almost a month since DDay**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/vk5imn/update_its_been_almost_a_month_since_dday/) - 25 June 2022 Hi, everyone. It’s been a whirlwind since my last post, to say the least. Thank you to everyone who reached out with kind words and to check up on me. I honestly wasn’t expecting the show of community I have received from this subreddit. It’s all very much appreciated. So, it’s nearly a month since DDay for me. A lot has happened since then, and it still seems surreal in many ways. In one way it feels like DDay was a thousand years ago; like the days have felt like weeks, and the weeks have felt like months. But then, on the other hand, DDay seems like it happened only yesterday. The daily hell of mind movies have been persisting. The mornings didn’t used to be so bad because I had a few moments before I realized my WW wasn’t with me and then reality comes crashing down on me. But I had a mind movie yesterday morning. I’ve talked with my therapist about them, but it hasn’t made the movies any less persistent or painful. These mind movies are like you’re forced to watch a movie you don’t want to see. You can’t pause it, turn it off, or walk away from it. It’s just on and you have no choice in the matter. I go back to work this Monday. Honestly, I’m kind worried about reporting back. Even though I work remote, it still requires the same focus, and I worry how the mind movies could affect me. It’s a fear of mine; the possibility of one coming on during work. I don’t really know what to expect. Saturday’s have been some of the worst nights. Before DDay, Saturday nights were at home movie nights for me and my WW. We’ve always been big film buffs. That’s what started that tradition. As Saturday’s come and go since DDay… it’s just an aching reminder. Apparently some music and dancing are a trigger for me now. I tried cooking the other day to keep my mind occupied; cooking is a joy of mine. Well, music came on from the TV, and it triggered me. My WW and I used to cook dinner together and we’d usually have music playing; we’d slow dance to a song at times. I don’t know what happened, but suddenly all I could think of was my WW sharing a dance with AP in that hotel room. It all caught me off guard. It’s like it’s a tarnished memory, almost, and it hurts. I think IC has been going well so far; more so than it did for the year I went when I was a teen. Back then, I bounced around between a couple of therapists, but I think I found the right fit for me at the start this time around. Sometimes he speaks less and just listens; other times he’s asking more questions. Something he has told me is that healing is not going to be linear. We’ve talked some about the affair and my relationship with my WW. He said that the affair wasn’t my fault, nor did I have any control over it. I was in the dark and it was out of my hands. But what I do have control over is deciding where do I go from here. Admittedly, I gave some pushback on that because I don’t feel in control of myself emotionally; I feel lost in the wind. But he told me that despite what’s going on around me, the next step in how I proceed from here is my sole decision. He described R as a gift only I could make and offer. My WW has been going to IC herself now. She’s never been to therapy before, so after her first session, I was curious about how it went. I texted her about it, and she said it was new to her, but reiterated that she’s committed to the process. I know my WW has started reading How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair. I’ve been reading some of the book as well, and honestly it has made me feel validated and covers a range of emotions that I’ve been grappling with. My SIL updated me on my WW; she’s been eating more regularly again, but it’s still a struggle. This NC to light contact for space thing, while still having a desire to talk with her and wanting to see how she’s doing, has been one of the most difficult experiences I’ve ever dealt with. Something I’ve been weighing is whether or not me and my WW should tell others about the affair. I’ve had a lot of mixed emotions about it. I’ve been weighing the pros and cons, but I’ve been leaning away from it. We only have a small circle around us, and I don’t really see the value of anyone else knowing outside of my mom and SIL. Those are the people involved with us the most. My dad has no involvement, nor has he ever shown support; he’ll just most likely give a speech on glass houses and all that mess. My MIL also isn’t much involved with us, although she’s been more of a presence than my dad. The relationship between my WW and my mom has been weighing on me, too. Prior to DDay, they always had this firm mother/daughter relationship. My WW calls my mother “mom”; she hasn’t even called her own bio mom that in a very long time. My mom has been devastated about the affair. She’s dealing with a betrayal of her own with my WW; from what my dad did to our family, and now she sees it happening to me. She still hasn’t outright said anything against my WW, but I know she’s hurting too, and I know that the relationship she and my WW shared has taken a severe blow. I don’t know if that bond can recover or at least be somewhere near that same level of closeness. I know my WW feels and knows that too, and that loss deeply hurts her. They haven’t had any contact since DDay. Maybe it’s not my place to worry about it right now, but I do. I can’t help it. And it’s a part of the anger I feel. Me and others having to deal with the pieces of something we never chose. Even with OBS and her twins, and I well know all the pain those kids are already going through and will experience. It’s like watching history repeat itself in a way. Pain; that’s all that’s going around. I believe my WW’s in pain, too, and I just keep thinking if only she would’ve considered that before the affair… maybe things would be different right now. I wanted to give an update on a variety of things that have been going on. Has anyone had to deal with the fallout of a relationship between a WS and a family member who were close before DDay? How have you coped or been coping with triggers or fond moments that are now tarnished? I ask for advice and perspectives on the situation.   [**AP tried contacting my WW again**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/vpkosr/ap_tried_contacting_my_ww_again/) - 2 July 2022 Hi, everyone. A lot has happened since I last posted. I’ve been trying to get my bearing on it all. I’ve been seeing the comments and the input is very much appreciated. I’m still working on replying. Here’s a new update: Since my last post, I’ve gone back to work. This was my first week back, and juggling that with two sessions a week of IC has been a delicate balance. It’s been weird being back. I felt like a fish out of water for a while, but I did fall back into a bit of the rhythm. There were times where my focus slipped. I guess it’s going to take some time getting readjusted with everything else going on? But being back at work did keep my mind occupied in a way. I’m thankful no mind movies or triggers have come on at work so far. Last Saturday night was particularly difficult. I was scrolling through the TV guide and Singin’ in the Rain was on; just the title took me to a place. It’s one of me and my WW’s favorite movies; she used to quietly sing along with it whenever we watched. She would claim to anyone that she can’t sing, but she has a beautiful voice. It was a lot, and before I knew it I started crying. Out of nowhere, my mom’s dog came up to me and rested its head against me. He sensed my distress and was there to provide some comfort. Dogs are a true gift, and are always there when you need them. It’s been hitting me about how much I miss the little things such as hearing my WW sing. I used to joke with her that I’d be the first one online buying tickets to her concert. On Tuesday night, as I was going over this work project, I received an unexpected FaceTime call from my WW. When I answered, she looked agitated. I asked her what had happened, and she told me that AP had emailed her. I questioned her on it because I was under the impression that AP was blocked; she said that it hadn’t crossed her mind to block his email, too, and that she was about to block his email. But she first wanted to send a rejection response back to him and thought it’d be best if I’d review it. She said that she knows the work of confronting AP and shutting any door he tries to open falls on her, but she just wanted to be transparent with me and to shut AP down with my full knowledge and approval. She apologized for bringing me into it, and said that she has no right to ask for my support, but I cut her off right there and told her that I appreciated what she was doing. I think her immediately coming forward to me about the email did mean something to me because with me being gone from our home she could’ve easily kept me in the dark about it or replied without me knowing. That and being given a say in her reply to AP. I feel like I never factored in during the affair; like I wasn’t even a blip on the radar. Sometimes I think well, hell… did I ever cross your mind while this was going on? Did you ever second guess because of me? My WW showed me the email from her tablet. What I read made my blood boil. Between the time AP sent the email and the time it took her to call me, only a minute had passed. She said that she was disgusted by the email and that she sees through his behavior in a way she hadn’t before. I don’t know where to begin with AP’s email; I only ever grow more disgusted with AP. In the email, he just went on and on about my WW blocking his number, and if I had made her do that. He tried to fish what was the status of our relationship since DDay, and of course trashing OBS some more, complaining about how she kicked him out and that she’s being a “c-u-next-Tuesday” about the divorce; he should the actual word, but I won’t because it’s a word I choose not to use. He wrote that my WW should know by now that he has her back; saying he would like to see her, and that she should come over to his room at the extended stay. My WW wrote back an unforgiving reply. She said that she chose on her own accord to block him, and as she told him on DDay, she didn’t want to continue things. She said as far as his divorce goes, he deserves whatever he gets the same way she’ll deserve the same thing; that anything they’re experiencing is nothing compared to what their respective spouses and families are dealing with. She said she hated who she was with him, and that she wants him to leave her alone and not contact her anymore. After she finished and reread her reply to me, I gave my approval. She sent it and then blocked his email address. We talked for a little bit afterward. Nothing really about AP, but about how each other were doing. She said that I shouldn’t be concerned about her, but I told her that I was. She said that she’ll never forgive herself for bringing this on what us and that we were each other’s safe haven and she made a mess of everything; that she knows words aren’t enough and that the trust has been broken, but she means everything she has said and she hopes that it’ll show through her actions. She says that she hates that she had a part in uprooting so many lives, and she just genuinely hates herself. I stopped her from continuing because despite the immense hurt and betrayal I feel… hearing her say that ripped me apart inside. My WW has a little garden at home; gardening was something she picked up during lockdown. I asked her how the plants were doing, and she said that she was struggling to find comfort in it like she usually did, but they were doing well. She showed me the newest plant that has certainly grown since I left on DDay. Before we ended the call, she asked if we could talk again, but I told her that I wasn’t sure. At the time, I couldn’t promise it. But I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe a meet-up in a natural public space wouldn’t be the worst idea. There’s a local park near us that has this lake. It’s pretty quiet and relaxing place. We used to go there sometimes. Later that night, I texted her about meeting up at the park. She responded “yes” no more than 10 seconds later. From there, we agreed to meet up at the park the following day at 6 PM. To say that I was nervous after solidifying the plans would be putting it mildly. I didn’t know what to expect anymore, whereas before DDay I was so certain regarding her and I. I originally included us meeting up yesterday, but I kept running into errors with including it in this post; I had to end up separating them. So I’m going to make a follow up post detailing our meet-up very soon. I was also wondering if I should provide the AP’s email to OBS. I wasn’t sure if it was the right idea or something unnecessary that will lead to more hurt for her. I appreciate any advice that can be offered.   [**I met up with my WW**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/vqu0pt/i_met_up_with_my_ww/) - 4 July 2022 Hi, everyone. Here’s my follow-up post for the meet-up with my WW: Leading up to leaving for the park… I felt like my emotions were thrown in to a tornado. I didn’t know what to expect. I was overthinking and second-guessing everything. I thought it’d be best if I arranged some safe topics for me and my WW to discuss. I also prepared to cut the day short if needed. My WW beat me to the park. She was already waiting in the parking lot when I drove up. I just took a deep breath before I even got out of my car; I prepared to cut the meet-up short if it proved to be too much. We actually got out of our cars at the same time, and she came to meet me. I could immediately tell that she was anxious, too. We kind of awkwardly greeted each other. I did get the sense she was self-conscious about her appearance. I complimented her. It slipped out without a second thought; she looked beautiful. I feel like that’s a contradiction due to the betrayal and immense hurt I feel daily from her. I think she was caught off guard by my compliment. She had this shocked look on her face, and she thanked me. I suggested that we’d go for a walk around the lake, and she was up for it. On our way to the pathway, there was this shaved ice vendor at the park, and I asked if she would like anything. I thought it was a good idea to help keep cool with the heat our area has been hit with. We looked at the menu and we both selected the same flavor at the same time➡️ strawberry. The vendor had a little chuckle at that. It reminded me of how attuned my wife and I were prior to DDay. My WW went to pay, but I stopped her. She said that I didn’t have to, but I told her that it was my treat, and besides I was the one who invited her out. After getting our shaved ice, we walked out to the path circling the lake. At first our walk was just silent. Kind of an awkward silence. It was a peaceful atmosphere around the lake, and not a lot of people out; only about a handful of people spread out, mostly families. I think she didn’t want to push me to talk. It also felt like a lot of stuff was being said in the silence and we were both not sure where to start; like could we just be us again for this moment and not address the “affair elephant” in the room? Despite me gathering safe topics… my mind went blank; anything preplanned went out the window. I walked with my shaved ice, thinking, what are we even supposed to talk about. But I broke the silence and asked how her day had been, and that stated our convo that lasted for our entire walk. We talked about how each of our day had been so far, the nature around us, the ducks walking around & the ones floating on the lake, this guy that biked past us, and we remarked how “what was he trying to prove by biking in this heat?” We talked some more about her garden back at our home, she asked how I was doing with my return to work and attentively listened to every single detail of my mundane work project. She wanted to know all about it and hear what I’d been up to; I realized that we hadn’t really had these kinds of talks since I left on DDay. I couldn’t deny to myself that I missed it. We even talked about neighbors; she said one of our neighbors annoyingly decided to set off fireworks late at night all weekend. It felt like us just spending time together again and I remembered how much I used to enjoy it. I still feel conflicted about it now as I still feel everything that the affair has unleashed on us. And then the convo grew to our current situation. How things have changed. She had said how much better the weather had been just a few weeks ago, and I said that everything was better just a few weeks ago. It got quiet again between us. I ended up asking how was her employment search was going, and she opened up about that. She’s been having trouble finding new work, and hasn’t heard back from any particular job yet. She said that the jobs in her field were narrow, and that she was still looking into customer service work. There’s this new local restaurant that’s preparing to open up and they’re hiring for servers and hostess; she said she’s considering applying there. I asked if she was still ok financially in the meantime, and she said that she should be for right now. My WW was always good at saving money even when she didn’t have to, so I don’t really doubt that. But despite what’s going on, she’s still my wife, and my love for her doesn’t just go away; I wanted to make sure she’s ok in that area. She eventually asked something that I could tell was troubling her. She asked how mom was doing; she didn’t say it as “how’s your mom doing?”; she said “how’s mom doing?” I spoke a little about her/ I didn’t try to guilt my WW with how my mom had been feeling, but I couldn’t just put on a poker face and lie about it either. I knew she would’ve seen through it. So I gave a summed up version. She had this dejected look on her face, and she just looked down to the ground. I brought up my mom’s dog, who my WW always loved, and I showed her some pics I took of him. Just like talking about my mom, the dog pics had an affect on her, and we talked about him for a little bit, and how I’d been walking him through the neighborhood lately. Towards the end of it, she started tearing up, like she was fighting back tears. Something happened that stunned me; I instinctively put my arm around her shoulder. I think that simple gesture shook her too; she wasn’t expecting it. I had to hold back my own tears as I thought about how messed up everything’s become. For a minute, I thought I would have cut the meeting short; I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to continue on, but I just tried to focus on my breathing. She apologized. I told her that she didn’t need to apologize about this part, but she looked at me and just said “don’t I?” and said that this was all on her. After that, we stood there quietly while she gathered herself. It was getting hotter outside, so we walked back to the parking lot. I walked her to her car. Before she got in, she thanked me for meeting up with her, and how much she’d missed us being together like this. She then asked if we could meet-up again, and I only said that maybe we could talk about it another time. She nodded and got into her car. I told her to drive safe and watched her drive off, and then I went on my own way. When I returned home, my mom asked how things had gone and how was I holding up. She only listened and gave me some words of comfort. She was distant from me meeting my WW, and only asked if I thought I could handle it. All in all, the meet-up was bittersweet. A part of me cherished it, and didn’t want it to end, but I felt all the pain accompanying it. It’s strange; I felt rejuvenated in a sense after spending that time with my WW, but I’m also emotionally exhausted. I’ve been seriously considering if we should meet-up again. I haven’t made any plans on that yet. For right now, I am going to send AP’s email to OBS. Thank to everyone who voiced their opinion on that because I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. I feel like it’s something she needs to know and it could help her out with her case.   [**Update on me and my WW Pt. 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/w05y0e/update_on_me_and_my_ww_pt_1/) - 16 July 2022 Hi, everyone. It’s been a little bit since my last post. It’s been a whirlwind since then, and if I’m being honest, I’ve been in quite a slump from it all, so I haven’t been able to make coherent posts. I’m also sorry for the missed comments. I do want to thank everyone for the advice, support, and kind words. It’s all very much appreciated and I don’t take it for granted. I seem to be running into issues with including everything that’s been going on in one post, so I’ll make a second post as well, and attach the link here. Here’s the update: I met up with my WW again back on the fourth. We’ve never done anything major on the fourth; mainly cookout at times with my mom and SIL. Those usual plans were not in the cards this year, and my WW wouldn’t be with her sister who still had to go to work. So I thought maybe my WW and I could go see the fireworks. Admittedly, I went back and forth on the idea, but decided to follow through on it. I texted her if she would want to do so, and apologized for it being last minute. I received an almost automatic read notification. She said the timing wasn’t a problem and that she would love to, and that she’d get ready. I told her to take her time. When I sent the text, there were still about three hours until the fireworks started. We met up downtown around an hour later with this Starbucks being the meet-up spot, and then headed for the area of the show. During our walk I noticed that her hand twitched toward me a few times; I think out of instinct she wanted to hold my hand. This gesture didn’t happen when we were at the park, but I assume that’s because we had the shaved ice; so our hands were preoccupied. We could be walking out into the backyard and we’d come out holding hands. Before DDay, whenever we walked, we held hands. I think she wanted too, but wanted to respect my space or just wasn’t sure if I’d be receptive. I don’t know how my reception would’ve been either, and I hate that I don’t. The affair has done a number in so many ways that I’m still coming to terms with. We just talked as friends would, albeit, there was an awkwardness because of the reality of our current situation. It’s not the same as it once was, and the truth is, it’s not going to be; that realization is still hard for me. There wasn’t much talking during the fireworks; we just watched them in each others company. We actually left a little early because there was a group getting persistently obnoxious. Afterward, me and my WW walked through downtown for a little bit, heading in the direction of our cars, but not so much in a hurry. Our conversation from before the fireworks picked back up. Honestly, it felt nice and such a relief to just have her with me like that. Despite everything that I’m feeling, I’ve missed her so much, and it was a relief to know that at least she wasn’t back at our home alone; that I could see her with my own eyes. But it was also laced with pain and sadness. I asked if she would like to go grab a bite to eat, and she was up for it. We went to that local restaurant I mentioned in a post before that has the meal I bought for my WW when my SIL informed me that she wasn’t eating. She told me that she applied for the hostess position at another restaurant that’s opening up in August. She’s been down about the whole job search because it hasn’t been turning out so well. The jobs in her chosen field haven’t been reaching out. There could be a lot of reasons why she hasn’t received a response yet, but she worries if she was actually good at her job or if it was just AP pushing her along. During our convo, she received a text which she showed me without me having to ask; it was from her sister. After we arrived back to where our cars were, we still lingered a bit as we talked, and then when we were parting, she thanked me for the night, and I thanked her for joining me. She said that she feels like she doesn’t deserve these moments, but at the same time she misses me; she feels selfish for it, and doesn’t know how to deal with the two conflicting feelings. I told her that I understood what she meant. She asked if she could see me again, and I told her that maybe we could set something up for the end of the week or the following week. She agreed. As I was leaving, I couldn’t shake this horrible feeling, knowing she was going back to being on her own. After the fourth, my marriage, the new normal, reconciliation, divorce, etc…, everything has been weighing on me; I’ve been overthinking and second guessing. I hate feeling so unsure of my decisions regarding my marriage; it wasn’t this way before DDay. I’ve talked about this in IC, and I know the next path forward, whether it’s R or divorce depends on me. It was a particularly rough time since the fireworks. I’m going to touch on this in the follow-up post.   [**Update on me and my WW #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/w05yte/update_on_me_and_my_ww_2/) - 16 July 2022 The Friday after the fourth started off on a better note. I felt less heightened and awoke to my mom’s dog at my bedside; the dog has been a good comfort, even from just taking him out on walks. It’s strange; just a few months before DDay, my WW and I were discussing getting a dog of our own. I was set on trying to take the day slow. Work was going relatively ok. My lunch break came, and I went to get a little snack when out of nowhere this trigger hits me, and it’s like I was pulled apart like cotton candy. I was literally hunched over the kitchen counter trying to catch my breath; I believe I was having a panic attack. Of course, this alerts my mom’s dog. I want to say this episode lasted for a good 5 to 10 mins. It was one of the worst triggers I’ve had; if it’s even possible to rank them. My mom was out on a grocery run, and with the way I was feeling, I didn’t want to be alone, so I called my WW. My breathing was still hitching when I did. She answered on the second ring, and I think she could immediately hear the distress in my voice because she responded with urgency, right away, asking me what was wrong. When I didn’t respond right back, she tried to switch to a FaceTime video call. I don’t know what she saw in my face, but it looked like it shook her. I asked if she could just stay on for a bit. She nodded. It took me about another couple of minutes to settle down. My WW asked again what was wrong. I knew I finally had to tell her; I didn’t see any way around it with what she had just seen, and I didn’t see the point in keeping the mind movies, etc… hidden from her. I told her that it’s been happening for a while now; that I’ve been getting mind movies of her and AP in the hotel room, and there’s been certain things that are now triggers for me. She never said a word, and just took in everything I said. I told her that this one in particular was strong. Before I knew it, I just broke down crying as I tried to explain. I managed to tell her that sometimes it feels like I’m having trouble just breathing, how I only get a few hours of sleep now, and even that’s not peaceful, and that I feel like a shell. I said I couldn’t bear to tell her any of this before because I feel like I’ve lost her and I didn’t know how to approach her with broken trust; that I feel like I’m grieving the loss of her as well. For me it’s like I lost the woman I love, my best friend, and family. She starts crying, and she said, she was so sorry she’s done this to me. We just cried together for a little bit. After we both settled down, she said that she’d been speaking with her therapist about feeling the same losses and hole that I described, but she feels it’s different in the sense that she’s the one who imploded our relationship and family. She wants to fight for our relationship and doesn’t want to be without me, but also wants to respect my space. She said our meet-ups have meant everything to her, and yet she fears them as well. She’s afraid that one of our meet-ups or texts/calls is going to be the one where I say that it’s officially over. She said she won’t try to fight it when it happens because she deserves it. Hearing that wrecked me. I told her that I haven’t tossed away our relationship; that me not being home doesn’t mean that I have. I told her I appreciated her efforts and for taking IC seriously. I asked if she was having any forms of mind movies or triggers too. She said she has random flashes of that night with AP and has triggers so far in terms of certain words he would say to her. I could only say that we’re a messed up pair these days, and she said only repeated that she’s the one who did this to us, OBS and her kids, and mom. I refuted and said this doesn’t all fall back on her; that AP did more of his fair share in terms of what he did to his own family. But she kept insisting that she’s the one who let him into our lives in the first place. She asked what could she do to support me through the mind movies and triggers; I told her that I wasn’t sure. But after some silence, I asked if she would be open to talking with each other about what we were each experiencing; like us being there for each other as friends, which was the foundation of our relationship. We can talk about it in IC and talk about it with each other. She said that she wants to help me in anyway she can, but she doesn’t know if it’s possible or even fair for me to be trying to support her through the consequences of the affair. I knew she had her IC session coming up, so I started to end the call. But before that, I brought my mom’s dog on and it impacted my WW; she was waving and calling out to him, and he of course recognized her and was staring at the screen and wagging his tail. We shared that moment for a bit. Before hanging up, she thanked me for confiding in her about what I was experiencing, and I thanked her for being there and opening up about what she was going through. She said that I could call her anytime I wanted and she would do her best to help me combat the movies. To be honest, I cried some more right after the call. I tried to resume work, but I was sluggish. When my mom came home; I went to help her out with the bags, and I couldn’t even fake it. I think she knew what happened while she was away in terms of an episode coming on. She gave me some words of comfort. It was conflicting, and it still feels that way. On one hand, it did feel nice opening up to my WW again, but it almost felt wrong in a sense; like a part of me was shouting “why are you doing this? You need to run and protect yourself.” I find the two sides impossible to reconcile. One of the big betrayal hurdles for me is that she had these deep intimate talks on her part with AP. It feels so much like another violation. It was something we shared, and owed to each other, that she gave to AP even before the work trip. If I were going to be open with her about what I’ve been experiencing, then I need for her to be with me as well. I need it to be a mutual thing, and not her holding back. I’ve struggled to figure out how to give her that push. It’s new territory for me; before DDay, we just had that open line of communication. A part of me feels how do I know just how much to push and how to know when to pull back, give her some time. When the EA started she said that she didn’t want to throw her problems on me because I was going through some things. She felt like she was going to throw extra worries. Well, with that in mind, isn’t it no better now if she continues to keep these things from me? Isn’t that how we kind of got into this position? One thing I am certain about is that I feel like it’s time for me to start being more proactive again in regards to this situation. Having the necessary conversations with my WW, and there are still questions I would like answers for. I don’t know if I’m going about this the right way, if there’s even a right way to deal with things like this. But I feel like I need to try.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My wife had an affair with her co-worker [PART 2/2]

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toohottooheavy

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zj44er

The usual disclaimer. I am not OOP. OOP is wafflesareforever and this is their story. Trigger Warnings: Adultery The Update post was removed from r/ProRevenge. Recovered here via Reveddit. Original Post: May 22 2019 [**Cheat on me with my best friend? I'll wreck your career and publicly humiliate both of you**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/brnlnd/cheat_on_me_with_my_best_friend_ill_wreck_your/) **So, this post apparently is what triggered the** [r/ProRevenge](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/) **Riots of 2019 over the excessive use of acronyms to represent people (MW, FBF, FBFW) in the story. Sorry about that. I have reformatted the story with fake names in place of acronyms.** **Also, at the end of the post I've added answers to a few questions that came up repeatedly in the comments.** Shithead and Sarah have been like family to my wife and I for several years, practically ever since we moved in across the street from them. The four of us were extremely tight. Our kids are the same age as theirs and are all good friends. We were one big family unit. We did dinner together a few times a week. We went on vacations together. I truly saw Shithead as a brother, and my wife and Sarah were very close too. Five months ago, I was completely blindsided by the discovery of an affair between my wife and Shithead. My wife had left her email open on our computer, and I saw an email from her to her longtime therapist saying that Shithead would be joining her at an upcoming session "again." Uh, WTF? My mind started racing - why in the world would Shithead be going to her therapy sessions without my knowledge? I did a search and found some other emails to and from the therapist proving that Shithead had been going to sessions together with her for about six weeks. I checked our mobile phone account and discovered that, since late summer, they had been exchanging hundreds of texts every day, peaking at nearly 500/day by the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, my wife and I hosted both of our families (parents, siblings, etc) for both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, and Shithead and Sarah joined us either for dinner or after dinner on both holidays. Text records showed that the entire time that they were at our house celebrating with our families, my wife and Shithead were texting each other across the room. They were doing that pretty much every time the four of us hung out, for months. And, you know, all day every day just in general. But what bothers me the most is that they were doing it with Sarah and I right there. I confronted my wife with the evidence and she admitted that yes, she and Shithead had fallen in love. "It just happened! I don't know how! But I love him and I just don't feel anything for you anymore, I'm sorry!" They had gone on a school district trip together, something had happened in her hotel room, and things had moved quickly from there. She explained, as I lay face-down on the couch, unable to look at her, that they had already made plans to move out and divorce me and Sarah, and while they didn't plan to move in together immediately because of the kids, they'd probably do so eventually. The meetings with the therapist were supposedly mostly for the purpose of finding a way to break this to me and Sarah as gently as possible, because they were so very concerned for our well-being. (Sarah and I are fairly certain that they weren't planning on telling us about the affair at all, and were simply going to "discover" their feelings for one another several months down the line, after they'd come up with some other reason to divorce the two of us.) My wife moved out two months ago. I was, and still am, utterly destroyed. I cry every day. I cried writing the first few paragraphs of this story just now. I worry non-stop about the impact on our kids. But I am also not exactly a shrinking violet when I feel that I've been wronged. And in this case I was, objectively, very very wronged. So, a couple of years ago, Shithead ran for a Board of Education seat as a pretty extreme underdog. I helped him with his campaign materials and debate prep, and my wife, a well-known school district employee (this becomes important later), got the word out as best she could. Much to our surprise, he actually won in a squeaker, by just a few dozen votes. Being on the Board became the center of Shithead's world. He joined every committee that he could. This turned into the foundation of his affair with my wife, as they were constantly going to school events and meetings together on evenings and weekends. Once I discovered the affair, my thoughts turned pretty quickly to revenge, and it occurred to me that an extramarital affair between a member of the Board of Education and an employee of the school district was at least bad politics and possibly violated district policy. Making things far worse for them was that my wife was in the running for an open administrative position, and everyone knew that she was more or less guaranteed the job and the major pay raise that came with it. She had just finished her master's degree in school administration, at the urging of her principal and the superintendent, so that she could be promoted to this specific position. I had plenty of evidence of the affair - texts from both of them admitting to it, text records showing that they were texting hundreds of times a day, emails to and from the therapist, etc. I considered simply emailing all of the evidence to the Board and the superintendent, but felt like I, as the grieving, betrayed spouse, might not be seen as a credible source. So instead, I invented a fictitious "furious friend" who was planning on showing up to the next Board meeting and publicly shaming the two of them for their affair. I told my wife that I'd tried to talk this person down but couldn't guarantee that they wouldn't show up and humiliate them publicly. As I expected, this led Shithead to conclude that the only option was for him to preemptively admit the affair to the Board. The superintendent subsequently recommended that Shithead resign, which he did. Sarah said that he was utterly humiliated and crushed, and barely got out of bed for a few days afterward. Once word of the affair and Shithead's resignation started getting around, the superintendent (a longtime friend of both my wife and Shithead) contacted my wife and tearfully informed her that it was no longer politically appropriate for her to be promoted to an administrative position within the district. The position that had been lined up for her was later filled by an outside candidate. This sent waves of confusion and rumor throughout the district, as it was pretty well-known that my wife was getting the job. The day after she was informed that she wasn't getting the promotion, my wife and I, despite our crumbling marriage, took our son out to breakfast together on his birthday, and a parent stopped by our table to congratulate her on her new role. She said thanks, then excused herself to go cry in the bathroom for a while. I let the dust settle for a couple of weeks, and then, right before my wife moved out, let them in on my little secret - there was never a "furious friend" threatening to expose them in the first place. Just me. Word of all of this has gotten around our fairly small town, which Shithead grew up in and my wife has worked in for nearly 20 years. My wife refuses to talk to me about how things are at work now, but I've heard from some people I know in the district that her formerly spotless reputation has taken a major hit. Shithead, formerly a gregarious social presence in our neighborhood and at events and pubs in town, has completely gone underground and barely emerges to mow his lawn. He's moving out soon, to a shitty little townhouse which is all he can afford due to all the child support he's going to have to pay his wife. My wife and Shithead claim that they plan on trying to make things work together, despite all the public humiliation. I wish them lots of luck with that. I'm sure it will be a lot of fun to show their faces together in town. Edit: Here's a log of their texts/calls over the course of a few months before I discovered the affair. Obviously their phone numbers have been stripped out. [https://anonymousfiles.io/UdpmGq8h/](https://anonymousfiles.io/UdpmGq8h/) **Answers to some common questions in the comments:** **Are you and Sarah a thing now? You should totally be a thing, that would be awesome.** No. We're friends. We've been incredibly important to each other since this all started and have certainly gotten a lot closer, but not in the way everyone's thinking. This would all be so much harder to deal with if I didn't have her to lean on, and she says she feels the same way about me; we're going through basically the exact same situation with the same players, after all. Shithead hasn't moved out yet; once he does, we plan to go back to getting the kids together more often like they used to - it'll never be the same, of course. She already does come over with the kids from time to time, but it's just tough with Shithead's constant presence across the street. **Didn't your revenge hurt both sets of kids?** Not really. Shithead has a day job; the Board of Education was his hobby and his passion but this didn't affect his income at all. And my wife has been assured that if she wants to pursue an administrative position with another district, she'll have glowing letters of recommendation from her superintendent and principal. It'll mean giving up a lot of work relationships in the process, but given the hit her reputation has taken, I'm guessing she makes that jump sooner rather than later. In the meantime, not moving to an administrative job means that she still has summers off with the kids. **Why do you call her your wife instead of your** ***former*** **wife?** We're working out way through divorce mediation, but it isn't final yet. Will be soon. **Why didn't you notice all of the texting your wife was doing?** Well, I did. It was really starting to piss me off. It was excessive. She has a big social circle and does tend to text a lot anyway, but it was really getting over the top, to the point where she was completely ignoring me and the kids. At one point in November I asked her to agree to a "no phones at the dinner table" rule, which she agreed to reluctantly but then would pout through dinner, and eventually she just started using her phone during dinner again. All that said - I was blind. Not only was the texting getting weird, but her relationship with Shithead was starting to make me uncomfortable. Sarah noticed it too and agreed. We confronted them a couple of times about it directly and they both swore up and down that it was just school stuff that they were talking about, there was nothing else going on. And for whatever reason, we believed them - probably because the mind tends to refuse to see things that it doesn't want to see. **Thanks, by the way, for all of the support in the comments. I couldn't reply to every one, but I did read them all, and I appreciate them, even the brutally honest feedback from people who feel that I did the wrong thing. Posting this and reading all of the responses introduced me to perspectives I hadn't considered about all of this, and reminded me most of all that the anguish I'm dealing with is pretty normal given the situation I'm going through. I had a pretty OK Memorial Day weekend, even though I missed my wife and thought a lot about the things we'd probably be doing as a family. I'm taking my kids camping next weekend and having something like that to look forward to and plan has me feeling pretty good today.** [Update: December 4 2022](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/zcp0t1/update_cheat_on_me_with_my_best_friend_ill_wreck/) Recovered from Reveddit I've been getting a surprising number of requests to post an update to this story. I guess it blew up a bit on TikTok, which I don't use. Where to start? It's been a bizarre few years, especially with covid thrown in the mix (which I somehow still have never caught, despite my kids getting it twice each; thankfully just mild cases). Well, at the time that I posted the original story, I was obviously a wreck. Things actually got significantly darker for a while after that. My ex decided to start bringing Shithead around our kids just a few months after she moved out, which was really hard for me to deal with. I'd never really dealt with serious depression before, but things got bad enough that my doctor more or less forced me to start on an antidepressant because I admitted to him that I was thinking about suicide pretty frequently. (I think this is where I should mention: trigger warning for the rest of this paragraph.) I had a very specific plan and everything I needed to do it. The one thing that gave me any kind of relief was telling myself that if life got any more unbearable, I had a way out. So yeah. Shit got bad. But I'm still here, and thankfully I don't think about that option anymore. I reluctantly decided to dip my toe into the online dating world, and after a number of short-term things that didn't pan out, I actually connected with someone, much to my surprise. We'll have been together for two years next month. She's absolutely amazing. We don't live together, and for the time being we're both good with seeing each other a few times a week. Would I love to see her more? Yep. Am I ready to live with someone again and go all Brady Bunch with our respective kids? I'm not sure. For the time being, we have a lot of fun together, and that's more than good enough for me. As far as things stand with my ex and Shithead: they're still together, but there seems to be trouble in paradise because my kids report that they almost never see him anymore. My kids don't like him at all and they just avoid him when he's around, according to my older one. When all of this started, she had seemed confident that they'd be living together pretty soon, but they still don't, and as far as I know there are no plans in the works for that. They did buy a boat together, which I find hilarious for some reason. It just seems like the classic affair-couple thing to do. "Sarah" took a long time to accept that her marriage was truly over, but once she did, she really did an admirable job of moving on. She engrossed herself in home improvement projects, she remains the same incredible mom that she's always been, and she's been in a FWB-type relationship (which is all she wants right now) with a nice, funny guy for almost two years. We hang out here and there, especially when my pool is open in the summer. We aren't nearly as dependent on each other as we were in the beginning, but we're still close friends. And no, still nothing more than that, which I'm glad about because the one thing this situation definitely never needed was more drama. My ex left the school district she was working for and took a job in a neighboring district. I have no idea what Shithead is up to, nor do I care. I hardly ever see him except at the occasional school event. For a while there, I was worried that he'd look at me the wrong way and I'd wind up in jail for knocking him out in an elementary school cafeteria or something, but I just don't care enough about him anymore for that to be a concern. So, all in all, life is pretty OK right now. I do miss being a family. I still have nightmares about all of this stuff and deal with intrusive thoughts at times. I fall asleep to audiobooks now to keep those thoughts at bay; otherwise I still struggle to sleep sometimes. But my girlfriend is amazing, I have an incredibly supportive family (I just officiated my sister's wedding a couple of months ago!), and I have a big dog who needs lots of walks and that's a HUGE help for me on so many levels. I hope that update answered people's questions. Thanks again for all of the support!

OP's wife cheated on him with his best friend and he had his revenge. Some updates 3+ years later

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boringhistoryfan

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zj6tzb

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zj8ak1

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AITA for allowing my 8 year old daughter to shave her head?

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/jakdkskwkkka in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for allowing my 8 year old daughter shave her head?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g43da4/aita_for_allowing_my_8_year_old_daughter_shave/) - 19 April 2020 So this past week my 8 year old daughter has been begging me to shave her head. This just started after her 17 year old cousin did it. I've always considered myself a supportive mom and let my kids do whatever they want (within reason of course) She had extremely long, blonde, gorgeous hair just like I do. She was fully aware that I was going to support her decision, school was cancelled for the rest of the year and she won't go back to school until August (possibly September) so her hair will have time to grow out. So last night, I got out my husband's clippers and shaved her head for her. She smiled the whole time and loved the end result. The next day, I took a photo to send to my mom and only my mom. My mom decided to forward it to a bunch of other family members, who got back to me. 90% of them agree that I'm the asshole for not saying no to her and setting limits for her, and also told me that I'm setting her up for bullying. Here's the thing - it's literally her hair will grow back. She knows. I asked her if she regretted it and she is extremely happy that she did it. As for bullying, she knows how to stand up for herself and that hair doesn't define her beauty. I personally don't think I'm TA but I want to know everyone else's views on this. Verdict: NTA   [**UPDATE - AITA for allowing my 8 year old to shave her head?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gmrbbk/update_aita_for_allowing_my_8_year_old_to_shave/) - 19 May 2020 So many of you guys said that I am NTA. The people who told me I was TA said that because she would regret that decision. We shaved her head almost a month ago. Just a few nights ago she asked me to shave it again for her since she really liked it. I was more than happy to do it. I do plan on buying her a wig or two off of Amazon before she goes back to school in case she regrets it and wants to wear it to school but take it off at home. I just want to make it clear - my husband's side of the family (her dad) was fully supportive (after all, her cousin inspired her to do it) I'm also spending less on shampoo and conditioner (she had super long hair) As for my side of the family who was upset about it - some of them had a change of heart after she talked to them herself and told them that she was really happy with her decision. The other few think that she was forced to say she was happy, but I don't care. My mom, who was the one who forwarded the picture to my family, apologized. She told me she did it because she thought she looked adorable but should have asked me first. But she was supportive of us. My daughter wants me to let everyone know that if you really want to shave your head, just do it. According to her, she loves the way it feels on her pillows (she has silk pillowcases) and she liked feeling the shower and rain on her head.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for allowing my 8 year old daughter to shave her head?

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My (24F) boyfriend (31M) has always been extremely cold. Today I found out he was diagnosed as a psychopath. How do I proceed?

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra-psychotic in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!murder, manipulation, animal cruelty!< mood spoiler: >!somewhat hopeful!< ---   [**My (24F) boyfriend (31M) has always been extremely cold. Today I found out he was diagnosed as a psychopath. How do I proceed?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hitxl8/my_24f_boyfriend_31m_has_always_been_extremely/) - 30 June 2020 Title says it all, basically my bf has never really been the most loving. He doesn't seem to care about anyone or anything except me, or at least I thought. But when I was looking through some of his old stuff, I found out that he had been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) which is the medical term for a psychopath. Apparently it's genetic because his father also was diagnosed with it and is currently in jail for killing his wife/my bf's mother. I've read his testimony before and his only reason was 'because I felt like it'. It was chilling, but I didn't think my boyfriend was like that AT ALL. I knew he didn't really care about most people, but he is extremely charming (how he seduced me, I guess). However, now that I know of my boyfriend's diagnosis, I've been going through our entire 4 year relationship and reconsidering it. In our 4 years of dating, he doesn't really say "I love you" out of the blue, he will only say it if I say it first. I never really noticed this but now that I know about his diagnosis, well... that changes things. The way he says I love you is, frankly, devoid of emotions as well. He says it matter-of-factly, not like he actually means it. There's a lot of other things he does that I guess wouldn't be considered normal? He has never hit me or been physically violent, nor has he verbally abused me, but he treats me like a child. He likes to order me around to do things for him. Everything has to be *his* way. He respects my opinion and will even change his plans to work around mine, but ultimately he is the decision maker. I've pointed this out to him in the past and he says that he values my opinion immensely and that I am the smartest person he has met. I used to believe him, but what if this is just another tactic to manipulate me? He also has a high-paying executive job and I've heard from his employees that he can be very cruel to them. I would always dismiss their concerns because I thought they were just jealous, but now I realize that isn't the case. I don't know what to do anymore. Can psychopaths love? Is he just manipulating me? I feel like my entire relationship is a lie, but am I being ableist by stereotyping him based on this diagnosis?   [**UPDATE: My (24F) boyfriend (31M) has always been extremely cold. Today I found out he was diagnosed as a psychopath. How do I proceed?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hk3sva/update_my_24f_boyfriend_31m_has_always_been/) - 2 July 2020 I made a post two days ago about how I found my boyfriend’s ASPD/psychopathy diagnosis. A day after I posted that, I finally decided to go and talk to him about it. Since it was a conversation, I don’t know word for word what he or I said, but I was taking notes on what he was saying for my own benefit and for the purposes of this post. He noticed that I was taking notes but didn't seem to care/didn't comment on them. If you just want to see my notes as a TL;DR of sorts, then here is the imgur link (be warned, my handwriting is messy, also the parts that are covered or crossed out is personal information): [my notes](https://imgur.com/uhhP9c8) Without further ado, here is a summary of what transpired in script form since idk how else to write it. I tried my best to make it the most accurate I could to reality but obviously I cant remember every little thing that happened. Thus, it may sound overly dramatic/unrealistic at times which is why I attached the notes just in case you wanted the raw facts. Me: Yesterday when you were at work I found some boxes. I was looking through them and found this form *I showed the form with his diagnosis* I was wondering why you didn’t tell me about this at all? And I want you to be completely honest, no more lying. Him: I don’t see why it was necessary to tell you. Besides, I made no attempt to hide it. Me: You do realize that this makes me question our entire relationship? Him: Why? Me: Well, how am I supposed to know you haven’t just been manipulating me? Him: I was under the impression you were also manipulating me. Were you not? Me: *is silent because I am shocked* Him: You have tried to make me a better person. You constantly want me to make friends. You chastise me when I act a certain way toward my employees. I have become your pet project. You believe that your kind presence will make me kind. Me: You aren’t a project, you’re my boyfriend! Him: There isn’t a difference. Isn’t a relationship supposed to be mutually beneficial? I improve you, you improve me. Me: *is close to tears* So you don’t love me, you just want benefits? Him: I never said that. I do love you. Me: How do I know you aren’t lying?! When you’ve lied this entire time?! (I was getting angry at this point, he was still not reacting) Him: If you truly believe I am a liar, then nothing I do will prove that assumption wrong. Me: Well prove that you love me then. Him: I love the conversations we have. I love that you accept me for who I am. I love your intelligence and wit. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, you are the smartest person I have ever met. Me: But that doesn’t sound very psychopathic. Him: Not everything I do has to be psychopathic. Me: Well then have you ever killed anyone or anything? Him: I have killed rodents. That’s it. Me: *disgusted* Him: It was a long time ago, I was much younger then and my mother had recently been murdered. Me: That’s no excuse! Did you kill them brutally? Him: I suppose. (he described how he killed them with almost glee and I’m not going to say it here because it is not good) Me: Do you feel guilty about that AT ALL!? *I was inching away from him at this point because I was very disturbed* Him: No. Though, if you are concerned, I have no desire to do that again. Me: Well, that’s good at least. Do you think you would kill a human? Him: Like my father did? Me: I guess? Him: I will never be my father. I don’t like that implication. Me: Sorry. Him: Why are you asking me all these questions? Me: I’m a bit scared of you. Him: I have never done anything to harm you. Me: I know, I just need answers. When did you get your diagnosis? Him: Eleven years ago. Me: Okay, but why? Him: [name redacted] told me I should. Me: You don’t normally listen to people’s advice. Him: Admittedly, after she mentioned it, I wondered if I had inherited any of my father’s characteristics. So, I went. Me: Do you think the diagnosis is correct? Him: I do. Though it has been quite a while, and I never got a second opinion, so perhaps it has changed. [after this we started talking about personal things I will not share on the internet] Me: Would you be upset if I broke up with you? Him: Yes. (he didn’t look upset at all) Me: I think we need to take a break for a month, I need to sort my feelings out. (this seems to come out of nowhere, but I was considering this throughout the conversation, and his lack of emotion was the deciding factor) Him: *actually looks angry/upset for a second, but then is calm again, so maybe I’m just imagining things* After four years together you’re going to leave just because of a piece of paper? Me: I’m not saying it’s forever. I just need to take some time away from you. Him: Fine. Where will you stay? Me: Here. Him: This is my house, and since you are the one breaking up with me, I don’t think it’s fair that I leave. Me: Whatever. Him: For what it’s worth, it would be very unfortunate to lose you. Me: I don’t want to lose you either. But I need a break. I went upstairs to pack essentials, then I left. Right before, I gave him a peck on the lips. That was a lapse of judgement on my part. I will say that he didn’t look happy that I was leaving, and as I was walking to leave he asked me to stay. I said no, he said ‘fine’, and left it at that. So yeah, there you have it. I still love him, and I do think he was genuine when he said he loved me, but I’m not sure I can get over all of the things he’s done. I went into this conversation hopeful, but as soon as he said he didn’t feel it was necessary to tell me, my emotions took over and I started asking way more accusatory questions. To be honest, I wish I had been more logical in my approach, maybe then we would’ve arrived at a different conclusion. If you’re wondering, I am staying with a friend at the moment, he doesn’t know where/which friend. I just need this month to regroup and decide what my next steps are. He was one of the best parts of my life, I had never connected to anyone the way I did with him. I have no clue what I will do, and frankly, I need advice. With all that has happened, what do you think I should do? Also, I have no way to prove if he’s telling the truth or not, so before you yell at me in the comments saying these are all lies, just know that all I know about his diagnosis is what he’s told me. I may try and track down the psychologist he went to, but I think that would be a breach of confidentiality if she told me anything about him. Anyways, please feel free to give me advice. **Edit:** A lot of you are bashing me for this, and that is completely fine as you are entitled to your own opinion. However, as u/vesperjacked reminded me, I forgot to mention that the reason for his psychopathy diagnosis (not an official term but something that the psychologist wrote on his form) was because of his violence toward animals and the careless/almost gleeful way he talked about it. (Stop reading here if you are triggered by animal ab*se) The rodents in question weren’t random rats, they were squirrels, often babies, that fell out of trees. My boyfriend would see them, take a cloth, and suffocate them. Right before they died, he would take the cloth off, take a sharp knife, and carve through their chest. He would then take out their eyeballs and finally stab them repeatedly until they died . When he told me this story he said it with such nonchalance that I couldn’t even believe what I was hearing. He was 8 when his mother died, and this started when he was 7 (ended at age 11). I recommend reading u/smigglesthrowaway ’s comment if you want an analysis on the things he said during the conversation. But still, I do appreciate all the advice and comments.   [**Final Update: My (24F) boyfriend (31M) has always been extremely cold. Today I found out he was diagnosed as a psychopath. How do I proceed?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hxqvrm/final_update_my_24f_boyfriend_31m_has_always_been/) - 25 July 2020 This is the final update to [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hitxl8/my_24f_boyfriend_31m_has_always_been_extremely/). I wasn’t planning on making an update but a few people have asked me for it so here we are. Before I start, I ask that you do not directly insult me. You can say whatever you want about my actions, but I would appreciate it if you don’t DM me with insults/attacks. Quite frankly you know nothing about me other than what I’ve chosen to share and thus can’t make an accurate judgement about my character as a whole, so there is no need to attack me. I’m also not directly looking for advice at the moment, this is simply an update post. However, if you want to give your two cents, it will be appreciated! Thank you. Anyways, a few days after I made my first update post, I was still staying with my friend. I must admit, those first few days were hell to go through. Every five minutes I would think about my boyfriend and want to contact him. I kept trying to distract myself but of course my thoughts kept wandering back. He followed through on his word and didn’t contact me, which I appreciate as it made me feel less tempted. However, it was still extremely hard to distance myself when he was literally a text message away. On the fourth day of our separation, the friend I’m staying with apparently bumped into him at the grocery store. I don’t know if she actually came upon him by accident or if she purposefully sought him out, but either way, they had a conversation. She asked him where I was (even though she knew where I was) and he said it was none of her business. She then lied to him and said that she hadn’t seen me in a while (apparently in an attempt to worry him). He, again, was not phased and did not contact me, which either means he could care less about my location, suspects I’m with my friend, or simply doesn’t want to bother me. In the next few weeks, I continued to try and distract myself by working, studying, or talking with my friends. I also decided to research more about ASPD during this time and I talked to a therapist about the struggles I have faced in my relationship. She gave me a lot of clarity and convinced me that, should I choose to make this work, he needs to come with me to couples therapy in order to work through our problems. Finally, I discussed ASPD and psychopathy with a psychologist who specializes in it. She told me what a few of you said in the comments, that in order to be diagnosed with psychopathy you HAVE to have violent tendencies and show no remorse whatsoever. She warned me against continuing the relationship, because while he loves me in his own way, as soon as I stop benefitting him, he will most likely drop me. Still, in my naivety, I decided to talk to him as a last ditch effort to save our relationship. I broke my almost month long silence and texted him asking to meet at a park should he want to see me. He said yes and we met up yesterday. I told him that I believed him when he said that he loved me, and that I wanted to make this work, but there would have to be conditions such as couples therapy and counseling for his childhood trauma. I also requested that he act nicer to his employees as I didn’t want to be with someone who treated people below him that badly. He immediately shut that down and said therapy was for idiots who don’t know how to control themselves. He also didn’t understand why he should treat his employees nicely as they were incompetent. He didn’t raise his voice (probably because we were in public if I’m being quite honest), but his demeanor was very aggressive. He said that I was only calling him out on his behavior because of his diagnosis and that I was fine with him before. However, he is wrong. In this month apart I have realized that I *wasn’t* fine with him before, I was just excusing his actions. I told him as such and he got even more annoyed. He asked me why I wasted his time making him come when I could’ve just told him on text and been done with it. I told him I was trying to save our relationship and he just rolled his eyes and said he couldn’t believe he spent so many years with me. He then left. So yeah. Could I have handled it differently? Sure. Do I regret what happened? Kind of. But what’s done is done and I guess all I have to do is move forward. I’m going to have to pick up my stuff from our house later and get my name off the lease. The friend I’m staying with has been nothing but accommodating toward me and is letting me continue to stay for a while until I find myself a new place. With the pandemic it’s going to be hard but I’m sure I will manage. Thank you to everyone who gave me genuine advice throughout this journey.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (24F) boyfriend (31M) has always been extremely cold. Today I found out he was diagnosed as a psychopath. How do I proceed?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/TryingToBeGoodMom](https://www.reddit.com/user/TryingToBeGoodMom/). She posted in r/AITA. For those of you on mobile who don't want spoilers, here is your daily fun fact! (per the request of u/Iwcwcwcool, it's about snails): The largest land snail recorded weighed nearly 2 pounds. I found competing sources for its length: one said 12 inches, one said 15.5. It was a Giant African Land Snail. ([source 1](https://www.snail-world.com/) [source 2](https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/70397-largest-snail)) **Trigger Warning:** >!lies, implied domestic abuse !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yavlmt/aita_for_lying_to_my_son_about_his_paternity/)**: October 22, 2022** My son's father just got out of prison and contacted me about seeing him. He was in jail awaiting trial when my son (Ken) was born, and I did not put his name on the birth certificate. When I got married, my husband adopted Ken. Ken is 16 now, and he had no idea his dad isn't his biological father. I was at a crossroads, but I decided that since Ken is almost an adult I had to be honest with him. My husband and I sat Ken down and told him the truth and that his bio father wanted to meet him. Ken was furious with me and didn't want to finish talking to us. He went to his friend's house. Ken didn't give me a chance to explain why I did what I did. I wanted Ken to have a happy normal childhood, unburdened by the knowledge that his father is a criminal. I wanted him to have a healthy male role model. Ken has thrived and is doing great in school. He has friends and even mentors middle schoolers through a program at school. I think my deception helped him. Still, my son feels betrayed and currently won't answer my calls. My husband managed to get a text saying he is okay and to give him space, but that is all. Was I wrong for trying to protect him? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Someone asks what the bio father was in jail for:* "Robbery" *Someone asks if bio dad was good to OOP before he went to prison:* "Not at all." ***OOP is voted YTA because she waited so long to tell her son his dad wasn't his bio father*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ydtnze/update_i_lied_to_my_son_about_his_paternity/)**: October 26, 2022** I know most people here think I'm a terrible mother, so you probably don't want to hear from me again. However, if anyone out there is struggling with a similar situation to the one I had, maybe this can help you. My son and I sat down and had a long talk. He wanted to know everything about his biological father. I told him there are some things I would prefer not to tell him, but would if he insisted. He insisted. So I told him everything. It was very hard for him, and he had a lot of complicated emotions about it. He asked if his biological father knows where we live. He doesn't; all he has is my email. However, we aren't exactly hidden, and finding us is a possibility. I asked if he wanted me to respond to the email or ignore it. My son asked me to email his biological father and ask him to leave us alone. He asked if his bio father knows our current last name, and I said he shouldn't. He told me that he is hurt that I lied to him. He feels like he can't trust me as much as he once did. I told him that I was sorry, and that part of growing up is learning that parents aren't perfect and don't have all the answers/ always make the right choices. He had a long talk with my husband. He said he still considers my husband dad, and they hugged it out. All in all, I regret my decision. I think it would have been better to tell him at a younger age that his dad isn't his biological dad. Then he would've had time to adjust instead of finding everything out at once. As it is, this is a huge revelation to deal with at a time in his life where he's already got a lot on his shoulders. **Comment left by OOP on this post:** "We’ve been really good lately. We’ve been decorating the house for Christmas and talking a lot. We had a couple of meetings with his school guidance counselor, not exactly therapy, but more like a moderated discussion. It was really helpful."

AITA for lying to my son about his paternity?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Cheddar\_block46](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cheddar_block46/). She posted in r/toddlers. Shout out to u/SoftwareTree for sharing this saga with me. Your daily fun fact about dolphins for those of you on mobile who don't want spoilers: Dolphins are very social animals, generally living in pods of two to 40 dolphins. Pods of up to 100 dolphins are not uncommon! ([source](https://30a.com/20-facts-about-dolphins/)) **Trigger Warning:** >!Child abuse, domestic abuse, !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Things are looking up for OOP and her son!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/xhvl9o/am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: September 18, 2022** So last night I put my 3 year old down for bed and then got into bed myself, my husband wanted to stay up a little longer and play video games. At about 10:30 I got woken up by small tugs on my blanket. My son was having nightmares. I picked him up and laid him down next to me, he cuddled up to me and went to sleep. My husband finally came to bed around 11 and was mad to find our son in our bed. He woke me up and told me I needed to put him back in his bed because I'm spoiling him by giving him so much attention. My son only sleeps with me like 1 or 2 times a month but totally would more if his dad allowed it. My husband told me to stop coddling our son because he "isn't a baby anymore" I still feel like he's my baby and I need to protect him. He gets scared at night and just wants his mama. My husband also gets mad and says I need to "stop giving him so much affection so he'll pay attention to his dad more". Am I doing something wrong? I don't feel like I am, I just want the best for my baby. ***Relevant Comments:*** "Thank you. I'm just trying to do the best I can for my little boy. I am almost entirely sure that he is autistic, because I have autism and he seems to have similar symptoms. I could be wrong. But if I'm right, I imagine it already makes big emotions even harder for him to deal with." *Someone asks if she's discussed her son's potential neurodivergence with her husband:* "I have, we are going to talk about it with our pediatrician next time we see her! My husband is still very stubborn though. After reading through these comments I have decided to push for couples counseling as well as just independent therapy with my husband." *More about husband and son's relationship:* "My son has always been more attached to me. His first words were Mama. When he cries he always wants me. His dad just says "you're alright, get over it."" "I know why he wants me more, but my husband has lead me to believe that his attachment to me, isn't good." *More about her relationship with husband:* "Reddit has made me fully realize how much of a jerk my husband has become since we had our son. I'm just trying to raise our little boy better than we were raised. He is still caught up on some bullshit from his youth. When I met him he was sweet and caring. But since we had our baby he lost all his charm." **Update** [One](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/xmxtum/update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: September 24, 2022** So after reading all your replies and suggestions. I pushed for counseling with my husband, he refused. He said he survived his childhood and a little rough parenting will do our son some good. I told him our son is 3 and doesn't need to suppress his feelings. We dropped it there. Yesterday he pushed me over the edge. My son was playing with some wooden blocks in the living room. At one point he got a bit to excited and threw one. It hit his dad. His dad started screaming and ran over to my son and slapped him across the face. I started yelling at my husband and told him he would never hit my son again. He told me he deserved it. I packed a bag and my son and I are currently staying at my parent's house. I'm filing for a divorce. My son will not be beat by his own father. 3 year old is oblivious to the whole situation, he's very happy to spend a couple days with grandpa and grandma. He is especially excited he gets to sleep in the "big bed" with mom. But I can't help feeling like I'm wrong for this, will this affect him mentally growing up? Am I being selfish by trying to take his father away? I love my son but I don't want him to grow up getting hit anytime he messes up. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Someone comments "bUt FaMiLy"* "After sitting, and thinking, for hours on end. I've come to the conclusions that I should've done this a long time ago. I want what's best for my son. I'm sorry you didn't have a dad growing up. But I'd rather be a single mom, than be married to an abusive piece of work. My child just turned 3, 2 months ago, he definitely doesn't have an opinion. He doesn't understand the situation. Also, I already provide for my family. Getting rid of my husband would give me MORE money month to month. My husband works in fast food, no education. I am a school teacher and I work at a small business most evenings. My son comes with me to work most days. My husband lives in MY house. I pay all MY bills, I buy all food, I spend plenty of time with my son. I will always defend my son. I will never let a man who can barely take care of himself tell me how to raise my son. My BABY will not be beat because his dad is butthurt over his own childhood. I'm sorry you don't understand the severity of the situation. Maybe one day you will." *True Colors are revealed:* "I'm not entirely sure if dad wants to stay in the picture. He said if I divorced him then I would be on my own and that he want nothing to do with my "spoiled brat" of a son." **Update** [Two](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/xo5uj7/2nd_update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: September 25, 2022** "My husband showed up at my parents house and my dad made him leave. He keeps messaging me, I'm screenshoting everything he says. My mom and dad are helping me get through this. My husband keeps threatening me and I'm documenting all of it. My son is still oblivious and only wants to go home cause he misses our cats. Since we've been staying with my parents, I've noticed slight changes in my son's attitude and behavior. He seems happier. He doesn't seem as scared to play rough with toys or be a little loud. He also stopped asking if he could get in the bed with me and instead just climbs in and snuggles into me. I'm over joyed to see my son so happy and toddler like. Seeing how quickly he brightened up after not being around his dad for 4 days makes me wonder what his dad was doing when he had time alone with our son. I'm very thankful for all the help and support and will keep you all updated as time progresses." ***Relevant Comment:*** "I have already reported it with the police. I reported it the night it happened." **Update** [Three](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/xqxz6m/3rd_update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: September 28, 2022** So, a lot has happened. So yesterday at about 5 or 6pm my husband decided he wanted his WIFE back, not his son, just his wife. So he showed up at my parents house and started beating on the door. We told him to leave, he didn't, eventually he started fighting my dad saying he "just wants his wife back". Eventually the police were called and my dad pressed charges against him for assault. But other than that, my little boy has started doing this absolutely adorable thing when we are going to sleep. When he snuggles up to me at night, he gives me a small kiss on my nose and tells me "I'm the best mama" and that he "loves me more than Mr. Kitty (his stuffed kitty that he carries everywhere)" It makes me so happy to see him smile and he giggles so much about everything. He's so cute. I love my son so much. If anything else happens I'll post another update. Thank you friends. ***Relevant comment:*** "My dad got out with a broken nose and a black eye. That's about it. My son is very happy and I love it." **Update** [Four](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/xulkvc/4th_update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: October 3, 2022** I would really like to change the title of these post but I feel like it would be confusing. Anyway, I have been talking to a lawyer for the past week and we are working on the divorce proceedings as well as custody and possible restraining orders. I am also trying to take my house back before my soon to be ex-husband does something to it. For those concerned, we have picked up the cats and all four of them are comfy in my parents house. For those who want an update on my son, he's doing great. His grandma got him some little dinosaur toys yesterday and he has played with them until he physically couldn't anymore. He's also started trying to feed me stuff. Also if I tell him he's my handsome boy, he tells me I'm his pretty momma. I love my son. I'm glad things are going well. Any future updates will be about my son until all court proceedings are finished. Thank you reddit for all your help. **Update** [Five](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/y0yhv5/5th_update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: October 10, 2022** Alright, so over the past week I have been talking with a lawyer and compiling evidence. My soon to be ex-husband has still been trying to get me back. At one point he even "agreed to get therapy" I know he won't. And besides, you lose a lot of love and respect for someone after you see them slap your son and punch your dad. But anyway other than legal stuff here is an update on my son. On Thursday last week we went to the doctor and my son does seem to be okay physically. They did find a couple small bruises on his arms and legs but they said it's probably from him running around and falling and toddler stuff. On the other hand, his doctor does believe he has autism. So in a few weeks he will be getting evaluated. My son is very noticeably happy. He loves all the attention he gets from his meemaw and pop pop. He has also commandeered a blanket he found in their house and has decided that it will be his forever. He has also started this habit of snuggling as close to me as physically possible in bed. I don't know if that's okay but I'm going to assume it's fine. He hasn't asked about his dad. He is perfectly content with life. He's happy I'm happy, everything is right in the world so far. Hope it stays that way. **Update** [Six](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/ybqn1o/6th_update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: October 23, 2022** Well, I have officially begun the divorcing process. I asked my son if he misses his dad, he said no. That answer solidified this decision for me. My parents and lawyer are both encouraging me to file for full custody of my son. I will be doing this as well as filing for a restraining order since he has not only hit my son, but also my father. My son has been nothing but happy recently. He's been eating good, sleeping good, and playing how toddlers do. Seeing him so happy gives me the motivation I need to keep pushing through this hardship. Since all of this started I haven't been eating or sleeping good and it amazes me how much children pay attention to that. My son will try to feed me and lay down with me for a nap. He's such a sweet and loving boy and I know he will grow up to be a sweet and loving adult especially with his father out of the picture. I cannot fathom how grateful I am for all the love and emotional support I have had over these past weeks from all of you other parents. Thank you so much. I will update more in the future. **Update** [Seven](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/yl8kh6/7th_update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: November 3, 2022** Well it's officially been at least a month since I left my husband. Court proceedings are going well. My husband has decided to fight for custody of our son as I suspected he would. But other than that, it's going well. My son is still happy, he is sick right now. The day after Halloween he got pretty sick. His doctor said it's just the Flu. He's vaccinated so he should be fine. Even though he got sick he had a very nice Halloween. He wanted to be a kangaroo. So I dressed him up as a joey and I was a big kangaroo. He loved it. He doesn't care much for chocolate, so my mom bought a bunch of ring pops. So he still gets the sugar high that comes with Halloween. Anyway. Will update more in the future. I do enjoy writing about my son a lot more than his sad excuse for a father. Thank you guys. **Update** [Eight](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/z54zdc/8th_update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: November 26, 2022** My ex and I are officially divorced. He is tearing me down every chance he gets. I'm working myself to death while fighting him. I'm losing motivation. I just want the best for my son. I want him to have what his dad didn't. His family is berating me for calling him abusive. They called me a bad mother and sent me death threats. I am a bad mom. I jumped the gun knowing I've never done this alone. My son barely gets to play with me cause I'm so exhausted constantly. I try so hard to do anything and everything I can with him. He sleeps with me every night. He snuggles up so close to me. And every night I look at him and cry because I don't know what I'm doing. I can't handle this. I don't know what to do. My parents are so much help, but they can't make up for when I'm not there. My son is going to grow up thinking "where's my momma" she's at work trying to keep food on the table cause she left your dad instead of working things out. *There are many comments reassuring OOP she is NOT a bad mom, and it's better for her son to be safe.* **Update** [Nine](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/zc2at0/9th_update_am_i_a_bad_mom/)**: December 4, 2022** After a bumpy road, a few breakdowns, and many bad memories. My son and I have finally moved back into our home. My parents blessed us with an early Christmas present, a security system!! Now we can't have any creepy ex husbands lurking around our house. My son is happy, and after re-reading my previous posts I've realized I am too. Everything is going right in my son's world and that's all that matters. My parents have also gifted my son with a German shepherd puppy since he has to leave his best friend Shelby (my parent's chocolate Labrador) behind. He has named her Calypso after the teacher dog in bluey and they are best friends. My son is happy and I couldn't ask for anything more. Thank you all for the love and support. It has been much appreciated. ❤ **Wishing OOP and her son the absolute best.** **Edit: recent comment that I'm adding for more clarity on the speed of the divorce:** "My parents and I paid a LOT for my lawyer. But it helped that my ex tried representing himself."

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Originally posted by u/throwaway278632 in r/AmItheAsshole on Nov 15 2022, updated Dec 1st. [Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ywegc1/aita_for_not_allowing_my_kids_to_get_baptized/) AITA for not allowing my kids to get baptized? I (33F) have two kids (12M and 10F). I have always had a rough relationship with my in-laws. They are the typical "extreme evangelical pastors" and didn't approve of me since I wasn't Christian. I am and have always been an Atheist. I met my husband in college and while dating found out I got pregnant which caused more issues. They forced my husband to propose to me since they didn't want their grandkid to be born out of marriage. They tried to make us have a religious wedding and tried to make us go to church with them but I always refused. They calmed down a little when our second came and we allow them to have the kids over every now and then but still tried to push their religion into us. We're trying to raise our kids religion-free and let them decide once they are older and can understand better. Now to the issue, as I mentioned our kids go to stay at their home at least one weekend a month but recently we've been dropping them over every weekend because of time constrains my husband and I have been having. Well, last week they came to me and asked me if we could take them on Sunday to church to get baptized. I was dumbfounded, it was clear they had heard about this from my in-laws. I asked them why they wanted that and they explained that they had been going to baptism classes with my in-laws and decided to get baptized. I explained to them that they weren't ready to make that decision and to tell me honestly if their grandma told them to say that. They denied it but I suspected there was more to the story. I later called my MIL and asked her about it, she didn't deny it and said they had been taking our kids to Sunday school and baptism classes since they had to be there as pastors and wouldn't leave them at home by themselves. I asked her why couldn't skip one day for taking care of their grandkids but she said the kids actually enjoyed it and asked to go. I called her out on her lies and to stop trying to brainwash my kids but she said I was holding them away. I got very mad and told her to stay away from my kids and hanged up. I told my husband, he tried to defend his mom but eventually saw my point and agreed with me. I had to explain our kids that they couldn't go but they started begging to let them go. Well, the baptism was supposed to happen this past Sunday and they are mad at me, won't talk to me and have asked my husband to let them go stay at their grandparent's. I've been trying to explain why this is the best for them now and we can revisit the idea when they are older but they refuse to listed and I'm starting to feel guilty. tl;dr, I didn't allow my kids to get baptized since my MIL has always tried to push religion into them and now they are mad at me, AITA? *More info from OP in the comments:* >Why in the name of what you dont believe in would you leave your kids with EVANGELICAL PASTORS on the weekend and not think church/sunday scool would happen? The thing is, I know for a fact that they have people that can replace them at church when they don't go because they have done it before to go out with the kids. I assumed that's what they were doing and I was never told otherwise. The "time-constraints" was work for both of us, we got too busy and had to take extra shifts in our jobs these past few weekends and that's why we had to drop the kids with them. I'll try to reduce my shifts to be able to be with them from now on. To answer your questions, they call themselves Evangelical Pastors. I don't know the name of the church or anything but I know it's not the typical church, imagine more those white people in churches kind of thing where the whole family of the pastor is involved, that's why my MIL is also a Pastor. I wouldn't say I have religion trauma because my only exposure to it is my IL's. But they have never liked me because I'm not religious and have tried to make me since they met me. They have invited me to church, offer marriage counseling through another pastor, force us to pray whenever we have dinner with them, and have asked my husband constantly to let our kids go to church (He still calls himself a Christian but doesn't go to church). So all of those things and more become annoying, and knowing that my kids have been going to church without me knowing pisses me off. My kids say they enjoy going and that they made friends there but I'm afraid that's just opening a door to let them be manipulated. Also, I don't know ANYTHING about any religions and I never saw it necessary to talk to them about it, just let them find out when they are older. I'm afraid that letting them get into a religion in such an impressionable age will open a door for them to be manipulated into other things, I wouldn't have mind it as much if they were 16-17. Also it's the fact that this happened without me knowing. *Judgement: Asshole* [Update 2 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z9r1p1/update_aita_for_not_allowing_my_kids_to_get/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) UPDATE: AITA for not allowing my kids to get baptized? Well, my went a little under the radar but I had tons of people give me feedback and asked to update on my decision so I wanted to let the ones interested know the outcome. I took to heart all the advice I got, even the ones not so nice that told me I was indoctrinating my kids into Atheism. I said it on the comments but I explained I don't force my kids to not believe or learn about anything but I agree it was my mistake to not at least introduce them into religion so they weren't so easily manipulated. Now to address something plenty pointed out, why I left them with my IL's when I knew they were pastors: I know I was naive on thinking they would stop their jobs for taking care of them, it's just that I have seem them skip church to be with the kids. But that will stop now, my husband and I talked about it and decided to get a babysitter. And to the update: I had a long conversation with my husband, he apparently knew that the kids were going to Sunday school and baptism classes because my MIL told him when they started but he never told me because "He didn't see harm on it" it made me even more mad but I wanted to keep an opened mind. He said he was actually happy that the kids were interested in religion since he still follows Christianity. I feel betrayed that he hid this from me but we agreed on communicating better. We reached the compromise that we would let our kids do as they please to some extent, they got baptized last Sunday and even though I hated having to go to the church, I enjoyed seeing them happy. We agreed that they will go to church with my husband but not with the IL's alone anymore and that they will not be going every Sunday since we still have the weekend shifts. I did offer them to look into other religions as many of you suggested but they refused, tbh I don't know what to do about that since I don't want to be the bad guy by forcing them to learn about others. Currently, I feel a bit as an outsider in my own home since my husband is crazy excited to teach them stuff and now they have a new "family time" to do religious stuff but I guess I'll have to get used to it. Finally, I have gone LC with my IL's, I still haven't received an apology and kind of resent them because I feel they got away with what they wanted so decided it's best if I just get away from them.

Atheist Mom Refuses To Let Her Kids Go To Church Or Be Baptised (AITA Dec 1, '22)

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Reminder that I am not OOP. OOP is u/throwraweddingal. Trigger Warnings: >!Manipulative family, Bullying!< Mood Warnings: Satisfying, ultimately wholesome [**How to say no to a wedding performance without being the bad guy?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/yyb4e2/how_to_say_no_to_a_wedding_performance_without/) Nov 17 2022 Me (26f) and my husband “jay”(28m) are getting married November 30th. Jay has two sisters, “Mary” (25f) and “regina” (35f). Both sisters have a husband and daughter. Mary approached us 4 months ago and asked if her daughter Katie (5) could perform a song for us. Katie is a very sweet girl and me and jay adore her. Mary said Katie had went to her music teacher and asked to help her sing so she could sing at our wedding but Mary wanted our permission first. Jay and I said yes and are very excited to hear her perform. Apparently, Regina caught wind of this and basically told us that her daughter Emma (10) is also performing….a stand up comedy act. Now, emma is a very nice girl too but can sometimes be a lot. She has no filter and will do whatever she wants. Regina kinda enables this behavior. She was diagnosed with adhd which is okay (I have it too) but her and her mom use it as an excuse to her poor behavior. For example, the other day I had told Emma to stop climbing on the furniture while we were all watching tv. Emma screamed in my face “I have adhd you can’t tell me what to do” I looked at Regina and she just shrugged. Jay and I were very wary when Regina told us this and asked what this “comedy show” entailed. She basically told us that it was a surprise and that we would love it. This was Monday. Last night jay got a text from Mary. She had sent him a video that Regina had sent to her saying “little preview of the act😂” The video was of emma “practicing” her routine saying very inappropriate stuff that shouldn’t be said at a wedding let alone by your ten year old niece. The video ended as she was saying “congrats el and mouse!” Backstory: jay and I have known each other since kindergarten. We had been friends our entire lives before heading off to college. Growing up, I was always on the bigger side. Jay however was a “late bloomer”. Senior year he was only 5’0 and like 100 pounds. I had been 5’5 since 8th grade and a lot more than 100 pounds.When I went with him to his families house as an official couple for dinner, Regina said “wow I can’t believe the elephant and the mouse finally got together” she laughed and explained that jay came home from school one day and told his family that he was going to to marry me one day. She saw me at an event a few days later and thought it was funny that a little mouse like her brother would like an elephant of a girl like me. Her parents along with her siblings told her to knock it off and that was the last time she ever said something like that. Hearing Emma say that in the video made Jay and I freeze. We had a feeling that a lot of the “comedy act” was actually Regina feeding Emma these jokes to pull some thing at our wedding. Jay and I are still really upset and do not know what to do. On one hand, we do not want this comedy act going on at our wedding. On the other hand, we don’t want to be seen as the “bad guys” for not letting a 10-year-old do something while letting our other niece perform. Jay and I ended up texted Regina letting her know we do want Emma to perform her skit. Since last night we have gotten nonstop texts from Regina saying that we’re ruining her daughters life and being mean by letting another child perform but not letting hers. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want her to stir up drama and make us the bad guys at our own wedding. [**UPDATE for not letting my niece perform at my wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/z6685s/update_for_not_letting_my_niece_perform_at_my/) Nov 27 2022 hello everyone! im not sure if this is allowed but i wanted to just give an update for anyone that was following along with all of this crazy stuff. first and foremost, thank you to everyone who has given me advice and support in your comments and dms. jay and i deeply appreciate it. i was not expecting a lot of people to even read this let alone care enough to respond so thank you all so much. also, i wanted to answer some questions some of you had before i give an update. 1. jay: a lot of people were telling me that this was jays responsibility since its his sister. when this all went down, jay was ready to scorch earth. he was already drafting an email calling his sister out and sending an email to his family telling his family telling them what happened and that she was not going to be invited. i was the one who wanted to wait until we had a plan and eliminate all "what ifs". i think jay was/is a lot more upset than i am, which is a lot. jay agreed with writing this on here to gain a little advice from outside sources. just wanted to clear this up and let everyone know he was just as much involve in this situation 2. mary: someone asked what was marys part in this. did she send the video maliciously? did she instigate this whole situation? the short answer is no. she sent that video to us and called us right after. she has always defended me and shut all of reginas things down right away. she responded to regina saying that whatever game she is trying to play will not work and she will tell everybody all the things regina has pulled if she didnt grow up. we had spoken to mary and she told us it was okay to tell regina that she sent the video to us. 3. a lot of people were saying the obvious, "its your wedding, dont let her perform" which i know! obviously, i decided emma will not be performing. however, i want to eliminate the chance for anything else regina might want to pull. Ive known her long enough to know that she will one way or another do something to knock me down or turn the spotlight on her (which a lot of you pointed out) I also came on her for some help because i dont want to spend my entire wedding looking over my shoulder and always on the defense in case she tied to do something (which a lot of you pointed out was inevitable) so many of you helped me realized that what i was thinking didnt make me the bad guy, its my day! so thank you everyone again. onto the update. two days after i posted, jay and i called regina on his phone, i used my phone (not sure if its illegal) just so we had proof of anything she would say that she could lie about in the future. jay decided to take the lead in case she tried to act like this was all me, he wanted to make sure she knew this was his decision too. the conversation went like this (paraphrasing here, but this is the gist): jay: regina, throwraweddingal and i decided it would not be appropriate for emma to perform at our wedding. regina: no. katies performing so thats not fair. jay: katie is singing a 45 second song that is meaningful to throwraweddingal and me. emma performing a comedy is not appropriate for our wedding. she can perform at family dinner the night before or she can privately perform for just the two of us but we do not want a comedy act at the reception. regina: no. she wants to perform in front of people. if katie is, then emma should too. jay: okay, katie will perform for just the two of us then so its fair. regina: ......well she still wants to perform in front of people. jay: its not her day. you do realize no one performs standup at a wedding right? shes 10, she'll get over it. regine: how dare you! me: regina, you never told us what emma will be saying. you said its a surprise but mary told us what katie will be doing beforehand and thats why we agreed. we have a problem letting emma do this especially since we do not know what she will be doing. (this received a fist bump from jay lol) regina: its a surprise. its funny. its harmless. jay: its our wedding. emma will not be getting a mic for her to spew rude comments towards my wife for you to laugh regina: i have no idea what youre talking about jay: you do know what i am talking about and its childish that youre lying about it. emma is not a vessel for your poor comments. she will not be performing at our wedding. if you try anything, you will be removed from our wedding. regina: you cant do that. shes ten. she has a medical condition. throwraweddingal youre being a bridezilla. jay: i am the one speaking. this is a mutual choice. emma is old enough to know that what she is saying is mean. youre old enough to know that you shouldnt live vicariously through your daughters childish behavior. i need to hear you say that emma is not performing and if something happens you will be removed. regina: .......fine. we decided to end the conversation after we got on tape regina repeating what jay said. we havent spoke to her since. a little while later mary sent a screenshot of regina calling her all sorts of names for "ratting her out" and "ruining her day". she didn't respond but took pictures just in case. we called jays parents and my family to catch them up with whats been going on. jays parents were horrified and said that if regina told any family and they came to them, they would tell them the truth. my family agrees too. i also didnt mention this, but our dj/mc is jays friend from college. jay called dj (yes thats also his name lol) after we spoke to regina and told him the gist and to keep the microphone with him at all times and not let them get a chace of any speeches or anything. dj told us not to worry and that he will keep the attention on us the whole time. so things were pretty smooth since then. last night however, i got a text from emma (she has an ipad that she texts from) and guess what is was? a single elephant emoji. i will admit, i did cry. i honestly felt like this was over and things were fine but this felt like a bucket of water dumped on me. jay texted back to emma, "this is uncle jay. what you are doing is not nice. i think you know that what you are doing is mean to your aunt and we do not like it. we love you emma but we will not let you be mean to us even if it is a joke. and regina, if this is you, stop" we ended spending the night watching movies and just cooling off from all of this. anyways, that was the small update. we get married in 3 days so i will update if anything happens. thanks again for everything! sorry for any typos, im just tired Edit: gosh y’all are so sweet!! Everyone’s support and advice is amazing. I will definitely update after Wednesday either on my profile or if I can update again here I will! [**Final Update: Not letting my niece perform at my wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwraweddingal/comments/zdgwm7/final_update_not_letting_my_niece_perform_at_my/) Dec 05 2022 Hello everyone!! First thank you all of your advice, support, and funny comments during this time! Idk if this is weird, but I feel like all of yall are like my new friend lol! : I AM MARRIED YALL!!! everything was perfect! I am officially "stuck" with my best friend and I couldn't be happier! we decided to change some things from i guess a traditional wedding because we wanted some things to juct be for us. for example, instead of a "first look", we spent the morning getting ready together which was perfect! we also did our vows together by ourselves in a separate area at our venue. I had always wanted a vineyard wedding so to be able to walk the area while reading our vows together was a dream! onto the update (might be pretty long so i'm sorry in advanced) everyones comments gave me and jay the final "push". first we sat down our immediate family and told them regina and emma were not coming. they were upset that regina had to act this way and in a way is "punishing herself" even though she doesnt see it that way. they understood and told us not to worry, they will be "lookout". (kinda funny imagining my 5'2 mom become a tough bouncer but i appreciate it lol) jay and i also took some peoples advice by letting guests/extended family know our decision before regina just in case she went to people, they would already know. We sent an large group email out to our family and guests. I know yall want to know so i copied a pasted the bulk of it. "Hello Friends and Family, We are so excited to be celebrating with you all on our special day! We cannot wait to see you all and have you share this time with us. We have a small announcement that we ask you all to read and respect. Over this past week, we have decided not to invite Jays sister and niece, Regina and Emma. Though this decision will cause some different reactions to many, we have decided to put our day and ourselves as priority. Over the years, Regina has made rude comments towards throwraweddingal that we have normally taken the higher road and brushed off. However, it has come to our attention that both Regina and Emma have tasked themselves with bringing these comments to the wedding in front of everyone. Having everyones attention be taken by bullying on our day is something we will not have. Though some of you may not agree, we ask you all to respect our decision. Both are old enough to know right from wrong, mean from nice. If this is something you do not agree with, thats fine. It is our day, we will not be changing our minds. We cannot wait to see you all so very soon!" Surprisingly, we were met with pretty positive reactions. I’d say maybe 95% of our guests were on board with the email. Many of jays family sent me private texts apologizing on her behalf and letting me know that they would be there. The other 5% reached out to jay and I disagreeing with our choice. I think Regina had told these people “made up things” about emma/her adhd, regina in general. They were saying we were just as bad as them for doing this to a ten year old girl who’s been bullied and a mother who’s husband doesn’t care about them and all of that. We just responded saying everyone is entitled to their opinion but it will not change our decision and if they didn’t agree, they are not being forced to come. Jay had actually sent the email and those guests responses to Reginas husband too. He was actually very upset for us. he was upset that Regina was saying stuff about Emma that wasnt true and acting as if he didnt care for his family. I mentioned in a comment that he originally wasnt going as he had work but told us his trip is 10 minutes away from the venue and if anything happened, he will handle them. Then, we moved on to telling Regina. We sent her the following text. “Regarding our phone call and yours and your daughters blatant disregard for our feelings, you and Emma will not be coming to our wedding. This decision was made because of your rude comment and you pushing this bullying on your daughter, we will not have you both ruining our day. This is not up for discussion nor compromise” She read it but did not respond for for extra measures we sent the same text to emma but different vocab for a ten year old. Same with her. The night before the wedding, me, jay, his parents and siblings, and my mom and siblings had a small dinner at the venue (this is where we offered emma to do her act) Regina and her clan did not show up but that was probably for the good. Having everyone on board with the wedding and reassuring nothing was going to happen made everything so much better and stress free. Finally, our wedding day arrived!! It was amazing. Having all of our friends and family there was a dream! I even danced! ( i am not a dancer but thought what the hell and it was so fun!) Katie was able to sing in front of everyone and it was amazing me and jay both cried. No one spoke about Regina for most of the night aside from a few people pulling me aside and apologizing for her/asking if i was okay. Around the time after dinner and before dessert, you'll never guessed who showed up?! We had known before we physically saw her as our videographer told us as soon as she saw them walking up to the dinner area so at least i had a little time to prepare. I started to feel sick and felt like the day was ruined but then realized that this was my day. I felt secure enough to know that our friends, family, dj, venue staff all had our backs and if there was a scene, the only person Regina would embarrass is herself. I finally realized that i was stressing so much leading up to the wedding but at that moment, i realized i couldnt care less of what was going on. No one was going to ruin our day, and i admit that made me feel bad ass! We had enlisted help from a "bouncer" aka a family friend of mine who is around 6'5 and over 300 pounds. He is a total teddy bear but obviously can look like he could kill you. he walked up to them and told them to leave. this was met with her raising her voice and saying things like "no, i was invited. my daughter is performing, we scheduled a performance" obviously, non of that is true and my friend wouldnt budge. She and emma started "trying" to make a scene. there was shouting, trying to grab decorations, stomping, all of that. i mean "trying" because NO ONE who was there paid them any attention. like no one even looked at them. (thanks to everyone who recomended sending a mass email out to everyone beforehand) they even started singing along to the djs songs like really loudly like they were at a concert. thankfully, everytime they started singing along, our dj would very smoothly change it to a different song and eventualy, regina and emma could keep up with it. then they started shouting things like "happy wedding day!" "i have a speech" "We have an announcement". NOTE\* our venue was outdoors so even though they weren't inside the gated venue, they were still in earshot. But still, no one paid any attention to them and everyone acted like they just didnt exist which i could tell was getting to them. I dint find out until after the fact but while this was going on, Mary called Reginas husband and told him what was happening. He showed and up was not the happiest. I have never seen this side of him but he was like a man that reached his limit. I didnt see it but he apparently walked up to Regina and said, "were leaving. now" handed mary a card from him and very directly forced them to his car. At this point, I think regina realized that the attention she wanted wasnt coming so she left with a huff. So thats it. Im sorry if people were looking for a big, dramatic thing. I think evenrything worked itself out. She essentially dug her own grave. I am so thankful how amazing our family and friends were. Even after she left, no one brought it up. The night ended so beautifully and i could not imagine anything better. Were are on our honeymoon in GREECE RIGHT NOW!!! Jays mom called us yesterday to check in and said that all of the extending family and friends have almost “blocked" regina out of their lives and no one has really heard from her since. His mom thinks she is radio silent so she can lick her wounds in private but if something happens she is not going to tell us until were home so we can enjoy the rest of our trip. So this sould be the last update for now! Thank you everyone for all of your help, advice, stories, and funny jokes! Thank you for becoming my friends for a day and helping me with one of the best times of my life!! \*\* ADDED NOTE\*\* Hello. This is "Jay" aka, the husband of my lovely girl. I had a little bit of FOMO from all of this discussion and seeing my wife smile and laugh at all of your comments made me want to hop on here. Thank you to everyone who gave my WIFE (feels weird saying that but so right at the same time) advice and pick me ups. She is always the advice giver and the person people go to with their problems so seeing her being able to be on the receiving end with random people to took time out of their day to help her is really appreciated. I have been planning our wedding since 8th grade and I could not be happier with how it turned out, even if we had some drama along the way. We are on our honeymoon but she wanted to update everyone who joined along the way. So thank you internet people for putting a smile of my wifes face, I got it from here :)

How to say no to a wedding performance without being the bad guy?

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**I am not the OP. That is u/folle4935. Originally posted in r/relationship_advice.** Trigger warning: >!verbal abuse!< Mood spoiler: >!positive!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yzmto5/my_boyfriend_is_freaking_out_about_the_baby_in/) *posted on November 19, 2022* **My boyfriend is freaking out about the baby in the appartement below mine** Throwaway because BF knows my real account. I (23F) live in an appartement building on the middle floor, so there's someone under and above me. I don't really mind the noise, I just tune it out, but about maybe a year ago , the couple living below me had a baby. Now, I think it's common knowledge that babies are loud: they cry, they scream and the parents can't do much about it. I just kinda deal with it. However, my boyfriend (24M) isn't quite as accepting. We've been together for about 10 months and he comes over to my place most nights (even though he has an appartement on his own and I have two roommates). I can only assume that the baby's room is under mine because we can hear him (her? Idk) cry very clearly and we hear his parents talk and sing lullabies to calm him down. It's annoying but it is what it is. For some reason, my BF goes COMPLETELY nuts about it. Every day, he goes on about how he hopes the baby will FINALLY shut up, and how rude it is that the baby cries, and how he can't believe that the parents allow him to make noise like that... He ignores me when I try to tell him that it's just a baby and that the parents are doing what they can. I mean, I'm sure they're a lot more annoyed than we are! Then, at night, if he's woken up by the baby crying (which happens almost every night), he'll wake ME up and start complaning about it. I've also told him many times to get earplugs or, if it annoys him so much, we can stay at his appartement sometimes, but he always says that he "doesn't want to give in", whatever that means. Things kind of exploded last night when he, once again, woke me up in the middle of the night and shouted that he couldn't stand this anymore. He was REALLY angry, I've honestly never seen him like this, he kept saying that I had to deal with this and that he couldn't live like this. I told him to please calm down, and he screamed that I had to go shut up the baby. I said that I didn't know what to do, it wouldn't change anything to bother the parents, and he stopped pacing, looked at me and just said that I obviously cared more about a random child than I did about him. I tried to tell him that no, I love him and want him to be happy, but he just grabbed his clothes and left, banging every door on his way out. I tried texting and calling him, but he doesn't answer me. I just don't know what to do. I love him so much, but I feel like he's going overboard, it's a baby! Should I go talk to the parents? I feel like that wouldn't help, but maybe it would calm him down? How do I talk to him about it? I just really need advice on how to deal with all of this, please help me. TLDR: My BF is reacting very strongly to the baby living in the appartement below mine and stormed out after waking me up at night, saying I don't care about him if I refuse to fix the situation. I don't know how to deal with this.   [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zcprf4/update_my_boyfriend_is_freaking_out_about_the/) *posted on December 4, 2022* **UPDATE: My boyfriend is freaking out about the baby in the appartement below mine** Hi everyone! It's been two weeks since my post and I definitely wasn't expecting the kind of engagement I got. I thought you all deserved the end of the story, even though no one asked for it. If you want to remember what this is all about, read my old post (it was removed but I think you can still read it) Basically, the day after I posted, my BF texted me to say that he was expecting an apology for me. I thought about what you all said about not letting him in my place again and about how I should be careful and told him that I wanted to meet him in a coffee shop away from my appartement. He tried telling me that he would just come by my house, but I stood my ground and said no, I was going to meet him there. When we met, I started by listening to some advice I got. I asked him about why the crying baby was bothering him so much, as well as telling him about misophonia, ASD, OCD and all the stuff I was told he might have. I could see that he was getting annoyed by my questions, so I was trying to be quick, but he was rolling his eyes and tapping his fingers. Once I was done, he just kinda went "That's it? That's all you want to say?" I told him that I was just trying to understand, because his behavior about the baby wasn't coherent with who I tought he was, and he, very rudely, said that we had a bigger problem than a baby if I actually thought he was crazy like that. I said that I didn't think he was crazy, just that we have to figure out WHY he's reacting so intensely to a crying child, because if there's no logical reason, it just means that he's incapable of handling himself like a grown-up. I told him that I didn't want that in my life, that I can't have a future with someone who refuses to deal with his issues and that I was not there for him to treat me like crap! I was ranting and speaking really loudly and he was just sitting there, staring at me with his mouth open like a fish. I've NEVER spoken to anyone like that in my life, I think I just read so many comments telling me to grow a spine that I must have started to believe it myself! I felt really really proud, I'm usually so bad when it comes to saying what I actually think, and this time I did it! I waited for his response for a couple of seconds before asking him what he was thinking. He was breathing really deeply and was bright red, and he said,really angrily, that I wasn't who he thought I was if I could speak to him that way. He said that I was meant to love him for who he was and want him without trying to change him, and a bunch of other crap about how wrong it was for me to say things like that to him. At this point, I was DONE. I was already almost crying because that whole conversation was SO hard for me, and his reaction just showed me that he didn't care about me or what I was telling him. I got up and told him that we were done, that I didn't want to speak or see him anymore. I think I also said that I deserved better. I left before he could react, which was very dramatic, but I just didn't want to hear him anymore. Since then, I know that he tried to call me, text me, and come by my place, but I told my roommates that I didn't want to see him and they've been helpful. He came by two days ago again, and banged on the door until my roommate's partner told him that we were going to call the police. That seemed to "shut him up", to use his own words. It's been really hard. I know I should probably be dancing and thanking every available God that I got out of that relationship, but still, it was almost 10 months of my life with someone I thought loved me. I'll be fine, but it's still hard to suddenly be alone. In other news, I finally met the baby from the appartement below mine! He has really big, gorgeous brown eyes and he smiled at me. His parents are nice, they let me high five him and I swear I almost cried. I'm glad I didn't bother them, they seem like a happy family and I'm sure they're doing their best. The baby was really cute, too. I want to thank everyone who commented or messaged me, even the ones who were rough. I had all of your voices in my mind when I met with my now ex, and I don't think I could have spoken to him if you hadn't told me that I deserved more. Thank you all. TLDR: I tried to talk to my BF and ended up leaving him. He has issues and I can't fix him. I'll be fine.   **Reminder - I am not the OP**

OOP - My boyfriend is freaking out about the baby in the appartement below mine

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Wedding drama: How to say no to a wedding performance without being the bad guy?

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OOP - I [18F] found out recently after my boyfriend [21M] accused me of cheating, he has been cheating on me.

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Rolls Royce is Airdropping 1000 𝗙𝗿𝗲𝗲 NFTs for first 1000 People To Claim It.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/kaele_dvaughn in r/advice** trigger warning: >!death!< ---   [**My brother, who *hated* religion, died Saturday. I just found out our recently ultra-religious mother plans to have his funeral in her Roman Catholic faith... and I "cannot" be a pallbearer unless I carry his body to and from the altar.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/9z2jff/my_brother_who_hated_religion_died_saturday_i/) - 21 November 2018 I need some advice.  I am so outraged, so livid, that I actually have been spluttering when trying to talk about it. My little brother died Saturday after a 3 year battle with cancer. Atheists, do *not* downvote those whom are religious.  Religious types, return the favor please, and do not downvote those opinions you disagree with.  Be civil. Details: He was exceedingly anti-religious throughout his life.  Not militantly atheist, where he wanted to tear down all religions and etc, but actively detested religion broadly because of the thought control and hypocrisy of it. He hated how religion preached peace... *except kill all who do not believe the correct way.*  He hated how religion preached understanding...  *unless someone thought differently* He hated how religion preached love... *unless you didn't bow down, and then eternal torment*. He hated how religion always seemed to act exactly like the leaders of North Korea... act like you love me, do what I say, or forever be imprisoned and tortured. He hated how religion said one could rape, murder, destroy lives... *but as long as you said sorry at some point it was all good*. He hated how religious "leaders" could molest children, but it was all good because they spoke for the "invisible sky wizard". And yet if you lived your life being the most generous, loving, giving person to the point of sacrificing yourself for the betterment of others... you were still allegedly going to be tortured for eternity simply because you did such things because they are the way any of us should be, instead of because Bugs Bunny said we should, and needs must worship Daffy Duck. My little brother, my best friend throughout my life, the person I have fought beside against the world of both far-right and far-left racism, idiocy, hypocrisy, and hate... ...is to be buried in a Roman Catholic Mass/ceremony, because our mother.  A mother that until 5 years or so was non-religious (not anti, like Brother and I, but scoffed at it) until she moved to Oregon where her sister lives (and whose son is a Roman Catholic Father/priest). So, the advice I need: As mentioned... I am outraged and very, very, very, *very*, *VERY* appalled and angry.  I feel that this is an extreme insult to my brother's memory. I will conduct myself with utmost propriety, despite my inclinations to shout out how much my brother would hate what is going on "in his honor".  Heck, if there is ever to be a zombie uprising, this would set it off... as Brother would burst out if his casket if he could. I will be approached by my mother and asked if I have "calmed down"/accepted Jesus Christ since being notified that Brother will be laid to rest with full Roman Catholic ceremony. I plan on asking her if *she* would have "calmed down" and accepted Muhammed if Aunt Gail (my aunt, her sister) was buried in the Muslim faith. I don't want this to be a shitshow.  The only person I have ever unconditionally loved -and who unconditionally loved me back- is dead. I do not want to profane his memory... and yet, the very "ceremony" for his funeral is exactly that. I think I will just *seethe*, and go along with it.  Any sort of confrontation would be worse. But Reddit, as weird as it may be to ask complete strangers... What are your thoughts?   [**Update: Brother passed away Saturday, and Mother insisted on a Roman Catholic funeral despite his hatred of religion. Should I have posted this update elsewhere?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/9znxcl/update_brother_passed_away_saturday_and_mother/) - 23 November 2018 I am only posting here, because the original post was here. So many, many people responded; I wanted to reach the same audience and let everyone know what their advice did, and the results. Some background: In his last week of life, Brother was moved to our sister's house (who is an active nurse). She selflessly accepted him in (despite two children and a work schedule that ICU/ER nurses have), and kept a "baby monitor" in the room; she was always available, cleaned him, turned him, etc... all of the needs that a dying person has, that only others whose family members are on the verge of dying can understand. I followed the more or less general consensus, and was preparing to create a coalition to protest a funeral so very much against who my brother was in life. And in my outrage... *I* somehow forgot who my brother was in life. I got a call from our Sis. She wanted to check up on me, knowing how devastated I was by Brother's death. In all of my anger, in all of my outrage... I never called the one person who had been caring for him. Brother foresaw our mother's pain, and agreed to a Roman Catholic burial. He did not convert as I thought I was being told, or whatever the case may have been. Sis did not believe it either, but assured me that she made sure they were alone, and spoke to him during a lucid period to verify that he actually agreed to it. That was the kind of man my brother was. In his very last days, as he lay dying, he cared more about how the pain and loss after he was gone would affect others, rather than about himself. I actually *was* the asshole, for only dwelling in my own pain and not realizing that this is exactly something Brother would do: "sacrifice" himself for the good of others. Sacrifice is too strong a word, but you know what I mean. So: I officially thank the hundreds upon hundreds who took the time to comment, and the dozens who PM'd/DM'd me. All of you, in all of your thoughts and beliefs on every side... again, thank you. Brother and I always believed in hearing all sides without reservation. You have -beyond doubt- shown that that caring towards others still holds true despite all of the hate and fingerpointing that currently seems so prevalent. A forum of complete strangers came together. I love you all... and thank you so very, very much. I have on last thing to ask of you: Do a random act of kindness for a complete stranger, just once. I don't mean some faceless donation to charity or whatever, to some random whatever. Instead, make a difference, if even for a moment, to some other person around you. For no reason other than to brighten someone's day. Give a bag to someone who is short one at a checkout stand at your local grocery. Offer to buy someone's coffee in line behind you. Help someone to cross a street, or offer to lead someone lost somewhere in a hospital. *Something* Because these are the kind of things my brother did every day. And if you happened to say -or even just think to yourself- "Because Jeremy OB Wright no longer can, let me help you"... then there could never be any better memorial for him than that.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My brother, who *hated* religion, died Saturday. I just found out our recently ultra-religious mother plans to have his funeral in her Roman Catholic faith... and I "cannot" be a pallbearer unless I carry his body to and from the altar.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/imaginary-chemical-8 in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for getting mad about my boyfriends “Guy nights”?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k4ifvx/aita_for_getting_mad_about_my_boyfriends_guy/) - 1 December 2020 Obligatory on mobile. So me and my boyfriend, C, have the same friend group. There’s 5 guys and 3 girls including myself who are all dating guys in this group. For context I was introduced to the group 4 years ago and I started dating C over a year ago. He joined a year before we dated. Anyway onto the story. So the boys in my friend group have started a thing called “guys night” where they go out and do everything we all do together but without us girls. Here’s the thing- ALL of my friends are the boys. I don’t know the girls in the group too well and while I have friends outside the group I’m no where near as close with them as I am this group. They say they need to “spend some quality time with their friends” and that if I went they’d have to invite their girlfriends. And it’s not every so often, it’s every 2 weeks on a Saturday, which is the one day I can go out. So basically while my boyfriend goes out with all my friends I have to be stuck at home by myself. And what’s worse is when we all do hang out they constantly bring up stuff that happened on guys night saying “you had to be there”. This had been going on months. Last night my boyfriend came over to mine from guys night really happy and was texting his friends when I asked him why I couldn’t go. He made a vague gesture at my chest and crotch saying I wasn’t a guy. I then asked him why he couldn’t skip it to spend the night with me and he rolled his eyes. I lost it. I started crying and screaming at him calling him an asshole for allowing me to be completely isolated when I’ve told him how shitty it is. He ended up leaving and called me a bitch. He’s staying with one of our friends who’s saying I was being the AH for yelling at him that way. The girls all agree with me though and I don’t know if I should apologise. **EDIT:** I feel like everyone is confusing what I’m saying. I’m not mad he has his own hobbies- that’s amazing!! I’m just upset that I’m being excluded because of my gender from my friends who I introduced him to. I’ve been told explicitly this by him and his friends. Also we don’t live together and I only see him a few times a week. **EDIT 2:** I should also add my boyfriend sees all his friends during the week but they schedule guys night on the one night I can go out. As I said in a comment I see him 2-3 times a week and he sees them at least 4 times, 5 on guys night. I see my friends once a fortnight. TLDR: boyfriend goes out with my friend group while excluding me completely. I lost it at him and now I’m being called an AH Verdict: NTA   [**UPDATE: AITA for getting upset about my boyfriends “guys nights”?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kciiif/update_aita_for_getting_upset_about_my_boyfriends/) - 13 December 2020 So about 2 weeks ago I posted here asking if I was the asshole for getting mad at my boyfriend for his guy nights. The post didn’t get a lot of attention but the attention it did get was controversial and there was a lot of differing opinions so I figured I’d do an update as a lot has happened. So after I posted I ended up contacting the girlfriends in the group to see what was up and we started noticing some fishy stuff. Their boyfriends and the guys in the group would say the exact same things to them as they did to me. Stuff like we’d invite you but then the other girls will want to come. We also figured out that there were other nights that all the guys were free but that wanted to do Saturday’s for some reason. One of the girls, H, was suspicious for this any many other reasons so she checked her boyfriends phone (I don’t condone what she did at all btw, but in this circumstance I excuse it). While looking she found a group chat called “boys night” which she had never heard of. She was super suspicious at this point and clicked it to be greeted by a bunch of very interesting messages from the boys in our group. Well guess what? Turns out “guys night” was really “go to a pub and cheat on your girlfriend night”. The message was in reference to one of the girls my boyfriend was sleeping with last week. In fact, all the other guys except one were cheating, while the other knew but kept quiet. Another lovely discovery from the chat was that he hasn’t been using protection with the other women or with me (birth control), meaning not only has he been cheating he has also been putting me a high risk of an STD, while also risking mine and my elderly grandfathers life because of COVID. Needless to say we’ve broken up and I feel better for it, but right now I’m friendless, single and waiting on STD results which doesn’t feel fantastic. So yep. Definitely not the update I was hoping to do but life clearly doesn’t turn out the way you plan. **Edit:** wow I really was not expecting this response. Thankyou for all the kind words. I’m at work at the moment and will try to respond as much as possible but from the bottom of my heart Thankyou all. And also Thankyou for the award I’m very overwhelmed by all the kindness **Edit 2:** Thankyou again for all the kindness- I just thought I’d add a few things. 1. Covid isn’t bad where I am (Aus) but when we hang out we social distance with masks- you can’t social distance during sex which is where my fear of covid comes from 2. One of the girls dumped her boyfriend (who wasn’t cheating but knew) and the other took him back (he was cheating) and finally 3. I’m STD free!!! I got a call an hour ago and am so completely relieved- now I can start to move on.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for getting mad about my boyfriends “Guy nights”?

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**I am not the OP.** The story was originally posted by *MehWhatever12* in [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/). Marked as "ongoing", since OOP is still active on this profile and may post another update. **And remember, NO BRIGADING!** *Interesting historical fact for those who don't want to see the TW: Napoleon wasn't actually short - the myth is believed to have started because his tailor noted down his height in French foot, which equaled 33 cm at the time, while the English foot measured 30.45 cm. This would make Boney 1.57 m, which, back then, was an average height for a French male not born into the aristocracy (I assume they achieved greater height due to better nutrition).* Trigger word: >!PPD for everyone and post partum abuse!< # [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yhmjdk/i_want_something_horrible_to_happen_to_my_husband/) (30.10.2022) My husband was horrible and downright abusive to me when i gave birth. It started right when I was in the hospital. He did horrible things to me like kicking me out of the room when I was crying because of the hormones and the pain of giving birth. He said my crying was disturbing the baby. He did many such things for the first month of my son's life. And my health got worse, there were complications, I needed more surgeries. It was a horrible period. Before this, My husband was never a person to even raise his voice. He was never this way but something flipped the moment he saw his son. This behavior lasted a month and it was like a switch flipped again and he was back to being the husband I've always had. Since then he's been trying so hard to make up for his behavior. It's been 17 months since my son was born and he does so much to make up for the way he behaved. He does so much for me and the baby. He barely even sleeps. He treats me like a queen. But I can't forget. I have this rage inside me I've never felt in my life. I have severe mental health issues. Postpartum depression, psychosis you name it. I'm able to live day to day playing house. I truly appreciate all that he does for this family but I'm so angry. So much anger. Everyday I daydream about something horrible happening to him and when he looks to me for support I will unleash hell on earth. I want him to suffer. I want him to know exactly what he put me through. I feel guilty because in the 7 years we had together he had a temporary lapse in sanity for a month. He must have been overwhelmed with everything. He works so hard everyday for us. I'm blessed to have him. But this burning rage inside me is tearing me apart. Edit : I've been asked to add this comment into the post itself I have communicated to my husband that I'm very resentful of the way he treated me and it's eating me up. He just hangs his head in shame and says nothing Certain things he did just fundamentally broke me. He got in my face and screamed at me because the baby had jaundice. He said it was my fault. He wanted to start formula. I was making a lot of milk. With the bleeding and cracked nipples and I was feeding him as much as I could. I pumped and checked and I was making A LOT. But he got angry and physically shoved me when i was maybe 2 days postpartum after a c-section. He told me he would never trust me as a mother and grabbed the baby from me. I was crying so much the nurses in the hospital had to interfere. When the baby was 2 weeks old I found him on reddit trying to get nudes from someone. I was shattered. He immediately started apologising. He tried so hard to hide it. I immediately told his parents and they begged me not to get a divorce and wait till I was well enough to make decisions. He was so ashamed of his behavior after that and he's been trying so hard. After that incident I got a bunch of complications from birth and things snowballed from there and I did not have the time to process any of it. 7 years we were happy. That's why I'm confused. He would do anything for me. I don't know what happened for him to treat me that way. # From the Comments: >*Redditor:* Please get counselling immediately, and checked out for depression and anxiety. Just remember that abusive asshole is lurking inside your husband, just itching to get out again. There is no excuse for his behaviour. > >*OOP:* Thank you. I'm going to therapy for postpartum depression and ptsd from the whole thing. I'm scared to start medication so working with a therapist first. > >I wish I knew what to think. He's been nothing but wonderful before and after those few weeks. It's just so confusing. He works so hard to make up for it ​ >*Redditor:* PPD and PPP can actually happen to fathers, too - maybe that was happening to him during that month, if his behavior really was completely out of character. > >And if you're not still nursing, and your therapist recommends it, I would really try the medication, OP - they can be life savers if your brain chemistry is still out of whack. > >What does your therapist say about your resentment towards your husband? > >*OOP:* Yes that's what I was thinking as well. I'm trying to look past it but he took my baby from me. He shoved me after a major surgery. I can't even start to describe the pain. He called me names and screamed at me. I accidentally fell asleep from exhaustion once and he poked me very hard on my chest to wake me up and I started crying because my breasts were already sore and my nipples were bleeding and he rolled his eyes and ignored me and left the room. This was in the hospital . My head is reeling when I think about how I even survived all that. > >I haven't told my therapist any of this. I just told her he treated my horribly and that I can't really talk about it with her without crying. She did not push and said I was the one who gave birth went thru all that and postpartum nothing is more important than a healthy mother and a healthy baby and that I shouldn't be trying to rationalize it when I'm so overwhelmed. > >*Redditor:* I can't even imagine how horrible that was! But maybe it would help you to unpack all that for your therapist. Getting it all out can actually have a cleansing and relieving effect. Or if you feel that you can't talk about it without breaking down, maybe write it out and give it to her to read. And include how it made you feel. She may recommend to give it to your husband to read, as well, just so he fully realizes what he did to you. > >From what you've been writing, it sounds like things are broken beyond repair. He destroyed your trust in him completely, and any residual feelings you had for him have been eroding, as well. He turned what should have been a magical time of bonding into a nightmare. And he seriously hasn't given you any explanation about what started his behavior, and what made it suddenly stop? Maybe his mother staged an intervention to set him to rights. > >*OOP:* That sounds like a very good idea. I'll be sure to bring it up my next session. > >And no he hasn't given me an explanation. He says temporary insanity, maybe ppa for him he says he doesn't have an excuse and he doesn't know why. I have made my feelings very clear with him but he doesn't react. Just stares at his shoes and says that he's ashamed. # [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z73ojh/update_i_want_something_horrible_to_happen_to_my/) (28.11.2022) The day after I made my first post I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and through some cosmic interference I could get a slot on the very same day. Reading your comments really made me realise that I truly needed help. I met the doctor and she prescribed some pills for severe ppd and told me it might take a few weeks to kick in but for me the effects were almost instantaneous. Overnight I stopped sobbing into my pillow. I wasn't contemplating offing myself. My pulse rate went down. And the biggest thing was I felt like I could finally look at my husband without feeling threatened. The noise in my head got duller. I could have a conversation with him without breaking down. I've been taking those pills for almost a month now. I don't feel like I want horrible things to happen to him anymore. I realized my brain was trying to show him what he put me through so that he would realize how much pain I was in. But thankfully those feelings are fading. I'm able to appreciate what he does for me without a knot in my stomach. He's done so much for me and my family in the last 17 months. He's woken up with me every single night. He's pressed my feet through every night feed. He's bought me whatever I asked for. He will take me out if I want to even if he's had a shitty day. He moved in with my parents because I wanted to even though he can't stand my dad. Slowly the horrible things he did are being replaced with the good things he does. I told him I'm willing to put a pin in dealing with our relationship for now because I want to concentrate on my health before making any big decisions. He said he understood and he has also started seeing a doctor to get to the bottom of his outburst. Hopefully we both get to a place where we can move forward. I don't know whats going to happen next. But I'm so glad I took all of your advice and finally got help I needed. Post partum depression is really no joke. # From the Comments: >*Redditor1:* Congratulations on the medication helping you feel better. However, absolutely do not let the good things he’s doing replace the fact that he upright abused you. Yes, focus on your health right now, but do not forget what he did. It could very well happen again, hell it may even happen to your kids. He physically and verbally abused you, and I hope that when you’re in the right place you’ll separate from him. > >*Redditor2:* While it was abusive he is also seeking help. The fact that it seems like an outlier in behaviour makes it look like something else is going on. I hope it was an aberration and they find the root of his actions. If it is a change and he's becoming abusive then yes leave because no one should tolerate abuse. > >*Redditor3:* Honestly it doesn’t matter why he did it. The fact is he did it. Whatever “caused” him to become an abusive prick is obviously still in him, and the fact that he didn’t love her enough to not disrespect and hurt her will never just disappear because she is taking medication > >*Redditor2:* So I wanted to think about what you said before replying. Essentially that's saying no one can change. He has recognised his fault and is working to fix it. He's working to make amends with her. > >We are getting a snapshot here and from what she indicated this wasn't normal behaviour. People can do stupid things , not saying it justifies the behaviour but she thinks he's a good man. I hope it was a one-time thing and it is on op to look at the relationship and judge whether this is a pattern and if she should walk away. > >She clearly is also working on her mental health as well so the situation just sounds like it has been bad all round. I'm just not someone who jumps on the dump him immediately bandwagon because it isn't always the answer. After the first post I did think she should leave him but this post makes me think wait and see what comes out of his counselling to see whether it is salvageable if that's what she wants. Drugs aren't the answer long term but I know PPD can seriously affect people's judgement and she should make choices clear-headed. > >*OOP:* Thank you. That is what I'm trying to do. I want to work with professionals to get a clear idea about why that happened. But not right now. I'm just so tired. I don't have the strength to deal with another huge life decision. And it doesn't feel like an emergency for me. I'm currently living my parents so I'm not alone with him. He's never been a violent man. He's never so much raised his voice at me or anyone for that matter. My parents absolutely adore him. I have guard up and I'm treading carefully. I have had multiple surgeries and childbirth has wrecked me. I need to work on myself first before making any big decisions. > >*Redditor2:* You're being realistic which is the best thing. You're not excusing the behaviour, you're safe and recognising what you need. Do what is best for you and bub right now, then work out where you stand. Glad you are with your parents which is another safeguard for all your safety and health. > >I'm so glad after reading the first post that you are on a positive trajectory. ​ >*OOP:* I'm trying to not to make any big decisions right now. His parents are also aware of what happened and they are not happy. I am supported from all sides whatever decision I take. He has started therapy as well. The doctor thinks he might have had postpartum depression as well and it just faded within a month. I'm in no form taking this lightly. I haven't forgotten. It still hurts and I'm still heartbroken. But these meds are giving me some breathing space. I'm just really tired. All I'm doing is pressing pause to concentrate on myself a bit. I know it's a long journey ahead of me ​ >*Redditor:* I'm so glad you are better, and that the medication is helping you! Is your husband in therapy, too? Because it would be really interesting to find out what the hell was going on with him during the time he had his mental breakdown and mistreated you. And I'm not sure you'll be able to repair things, unless you know exactly what was going on - or you will always be afraid that it will happen again. > >*OOP:* Thank you. You are right, I am on guard and constantly on defense. And Yes he just started therapy. I think seeing me improve gave him the push needed to start going. The doctors think he might have had ppd as well but they aren't sure. ​ >*Redditor:* 10-16% of fathers experience post-partum depression or anxiety. \[...\] Search the following for more info: *Postpartum Depression in Men* by JONATHAN R. SCARFF, MD and *Prenatal and Postpartum Depression in Fathers and Its Association With Maternal Depression* A Meta-analysis ​ *So, soon-to-be mothers and fathers, or friends and relations thereof, let this be a dire warning to watch out for signs of PPD or PPP in* either *parent! Be ready to step in and step up to help!* *To add to the statistics about male PPD quoted above: According to* [postpartumdepression.org](https://www.postpartumdepression.org/)*, 10-14% of women experience PPD (though the suspected unreported cases are double that), it lasts 3-6 months on average, and about 80% of women achieve full recovery. These statistics include only the live births, but PPD can also (or especially) hit women who lose their child, so please look after your friends and family in those cases!* *And I'm keeping my fingers crossed for OOP - may she achieve a full and speedy recovery, mentally and physically, and sort out her life and her relationship to achieve optimal happiness!*

I want something horrible to happen to my husband

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/youngdad_sucks in r/parenting** trigger warning: >!forced marriage!< ---   [**I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/q18swu/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/) - 4 October 2021 Before anyone says anything - yes I knew about condoms. I was just dumb. Story time. My parents divorced when I was 10 but lived primarily with my mom. Tiffany's (16) parents are together. When our parents found out she was pregnant her parents kicked her out and my mom kicked me out. So now we live with my Dad. During the pregnancy my Dad took my mom to court and got primary sole custody - I know what this means because I had to go to court for my daughter. He sued Tiffany's parents for legal guardianship and they now pay child support for her and they are pissed and refuse to talk to us. I am in my bedroom and my daughter is in her bedroom and my ex is in the "guest room" that is now hers. My dad made a deal with us. We live with him until 18 with no rent payment at 18 we need to decide what it is we do. I wasnt really that good in school and Tiffany is an A student. So I took my GED and my dad got me into Welding school. I finish in 2 months. I also work full time so I do welding school at night. Tiffany goes to school and works on the weekends at Wendy's. This whole thing is a huge ordeal. We literally have no life. My dad helps but not that much because he feels its our responsibility which I agree but still sucks. I work 6 am - 3 pm at a warehouse and go to school from 6 pm to 10 pm. Tiffany is home by 230 and picks up our daughter from daycare. WE help each other a lot and then I head off to school and she stays with her at home until I get home and do it all over again day after day. When our daughter was born my dad made us go to court, we have 50/50 and I dont pay child support because she lives with us. Because I work full time I can get healthcare for my daughter and myself and that sucks it costs me 300 dollars a month and daycare is 400 a week. Literally Tiffany works just so we can pay for daycare and I pay for everything else. When we are short for cash my dad will help because he sees we are trying. My dad has been our rock. When we are tired and exhausted he will step in and give us a break here and there, but he makes sure we have everything we need and keeps us motivated. Tiffany wants to apply to college soon and I am worried because I dont want to keep living with her and I dont think I can keep our daughter full time as a welder working 12 hour shifts. But she says she will start at community college and work but wants to stay with us living together since its easier. Since I will be working and it will be best for us to stay with my dad. But my dad said at 18 we have to pay rent. She doesnt mind but I dont want to keep living with her because we arent together. I am unsure how to tell her this. My dad thinks she should stay with us as long as she is a full time student to finish her degree because i am already getting my career. I just feel that all this is unfair because the burden is on me. I guess I am ranting because I am scared and unsure of what all this means. **Edit:** I guess my thing about her living with us is that we are more like siblings now. We get along and joke and stuff but since she is my ex I feel weirded out by it. Maybe I need to take a breather since everyone is saying its a good thing. Also I needed to hear it from other people and not just my dad and he is pretty solid and i should thank him maybe take him for dinner or something. **2nd Edit:** My dad isnt kicking us out at 18, but he wants us to be realistic to the world and pay bills. The money he gets from Tiffany's parents he just gives it to her, she is saving up money for a car and uses other money for her specific foods and clothes. Before i became a dad my dad always wanted me to live with him at 18 and figure it out and stay with him and save money to buy a house. When he found out I was going to be a dad he wasnt mad but disappointed and said everything has to change. He also is paying for my welding school of 20k and he bought me my car but I do have to pay my own insurance. He does help as long as he sees we are trying and not being lazy. When school recently started he took my daughter to daycare every morning and helped Tiffany with a routine to get school work done. **Final edit:** I have to get to class now. Tiffany wants to be a nurse or PA but the college told her nursing school is hard to get into and its best to have a high school diploma which is why she is still in high school and working the weekends. But someone mentioned a dual thing for community college and we will look into that. So we couldnt get daycare assistance because we are minors and they used my dad's salary. The funny thing is I cant open a checking account for myself because i am a minor but the bank allowed me to open a childrens account for my daughter because I am her parent lol the irony. I read every single comment and its given me a different POV and I guess college seems so far and I was counting years but its really not that bad she is like a sister now and those who asked I doubt we will get back together honestly I am not thinking about anything like that right now I am too tired to think of a relationship or that type of future.   [**UPDATE:I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/qfj89j/updatei_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf/) - 25 October 2021 Idk why I feel like I need to update but here it goes, Tiff and my dad went to the school and were able to get her enrolled in college courses because of her grades. She wont graduate H.S way too fast but she will have enough to finish h.s hours by next December so 6 months early. She reapplied for assistance we got a voucher for daycare so now its 50 dollars a week. She quit her job so she can focus on school but she doesnt start college until spring so thats cool it gives her some time. She still wants to be a nurse so thats cool too. I got a new job that pays more as a forklift operator and will give me an internship for welding which I wont be able to start until november/december until i finish my classes and then i have to do a 2 month internship but they are paying me really good. I started Monday. My dad and I had a long talk about my fears and he reassured me that its ok to be scared but we have a game plan. He is fixing up the basement to make 2 bedrooms and a living room like a little apartment because he said Tiff and I will need space as we grow. He wants me to buy the house when i am 18 like he did with his parents and he will help me pay it as long as Tiff gets to stay until she finishes college and let her make her own choice. We all agreed this is the best option and we are all really much happier now. I guess I just needed to let it out. Tiff and I are great while being parents is hard but its been good now that we feel a bit more secure. My mom and Tiffs parents still havent spoken to us because we arent married. Which does make me sad but its ok we have my dad - Tiff's grandparents bought her a car and said thats all they can do for her and not to contact them again until we are married. The car needs some work but I am going to pay for it to fix it up. It needs brakes, suspension and some regular maintenance. My dad finally told me what all happened and I didnt know but it made me open my eyes to all of this. My dad met my mom in H.S too and they were together and got caught kissing. Since my mom's family are Baptist they forced my dad to marry her. I didnt know in Missouri parents can marry their kids at 15 which is why my dad has been so protective. They were going to marry Tiff and I because she was pregnant and when my dad stepped in they couldnt do it. My mom and Tiffs dad went and got a license for us and were going to marry us in their church. I guess I wouldnt have minded marrying Tiff but I would rather do it later. But yeah thats why they arent talking to us. My dad did say if that happened he would helped us get it anulled but we have no intentions of speaking to them right now. He explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. I guess I couldnt see it that way and its good that I talked to him. I hugged my dad and i have been hugging him every day now and its nice its made us closer. All of this information made me pretty sad and grateful at the same time and it helped Tiff and I really start talking more. Like we talked but we didnt talk and I didnt know she was scared too we are now doing days for us to be kids as my dad says. So we both hang out with our friends who still talk to us at least once a week and Tiff and I do a lot of stuff on the weekends now that she doesnt work. Like taking Jelly to the park and going for walks and we did a pumpkin patch. Jelly seems to be happier too and Tiff doesnt seem as tired anymore. anyway thanks everyone for the help, tips and encouragement. I doubt I will update again and just lurk for parenting advice. **Edit:** just want to say thanks for thinking I am a great dad but I dont believe it just yet. I depend a lot on my dad to help me. Tiff and I are trying we do take parenting classes that they offer us a lot of advice and we have made friends there which is nice. But I dont think we would be this prepared without my dad. Also Tiff is on WIC and we take parenting and co-parenting classes its my dads rules.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkgxya/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/

zkh2g2

[removed]

I accidentally created an army of crow body guards. Am I liable if my murder attempts murder?

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkh2g2/i_accidentally_created_an_army_of_crow_body/

zkmakq

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/InfamousFix7972](https://www.reddit.com/user/InfamousFix7972/). She posted in [r/amitheasshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/). I fixed a few spelling and grammatical errors for clarity. Your daily fun fact about dolphins to prevent spoilers on mobile: dolphins sleep with only half their brain. (unihemispheric slow-wave sleep.) When a dolphin sleeps, it shuts down one hemisphere of its brain and closes the opposite eye. Over a 24-hour period, each side of a dolphins brain gets about 4 hours of sleep. It's believed they do this to stay together as a group and watch for predators. ([Source 1](https://www.wwf.org.uk/learn/fascinating-facts/dolphins), [Source 2](https://marcoislanddolphintour.com/dolphin-facts/)) **Trigger Warnings:** >!Overbearing mother-in-law!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Hopeful ending but I'm still wary of the MIL!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zc92p8/aita_for_not_wearing_my_mils_wedding_dress_and/)**: December 4, 2022** English is not my first language. So i apologize for all mistakes in advance. My MIL who is usually very sweet and nice asked me to try on her wedding dress as she wanted to gift it to me for the wedding. I did not want to hurt her and so I tried on the dress (even though I knew that I wanted to buy my own dress). It fit quite well and looked pretty but not what I was looking for at all. So I thanked MIL for the opportunity and the gesture but that it was not what I envisioned myself wearing on my wedding day. But that she was welcome to join me and my mom the next day when we were looking for wedding dresses. She joined us and I thought everything was fine. But during the shopping she tried to make me try on dresses similar to her wedding dress, but more my style. I tried two of her picks but stated that it was still not what I was looking for, even though I liked it a little better on me than her dress. And I thanked her for helping me. She got quiet and only shrugged her shoulders over the other dresses I tried on. I finally found my dream dress, bought it (I am paying about 2000€ and my parents payed about 300€ for shoes and a veil. My In-laws don’t pay anything towards the dress or the wedding) and then we went to eat lunch together. MIL was still unusually quiet so i asked what was wrong and if I could help her. She shrugged her shoulders and said “it’s fine” and I thought she needed a little time for her. So I started a conversation with my mom and started eating after we all got our food. We did not exclude her and tried to make her a part of our conversation. But she just shrugged and moped. A few minutes into lunch she said “You are an ungrateful spoiled brat.” And I was utterly confused and asked why. That’s what she said: “I would have gifted you my dress but it wasn’t good enough for little miss-I-want-a-new-dress. That’s ungrateful. And I tried to find a compromise with a dress that matched both our tastes in a dress and you still denied all that. You're so ungrateful and impolite. Not even able to make a compromise.” Then she stood up, paid for her meal and left without me being able to say anything. I asked my fiancé later that day about it and he told me to not very as I did nothing wrong. But SIL texted me that I was an ungrateful asshole for hurting her mother this much and not compromising on anything. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** "As I stated normally she is really sweet and nice. I don’t believe she is a bad person. That’s why I am asking myself if I should have compromised because it looks like I really hurt her" "I don’t know why it’s important to her. Maybe because we normally have a really good relationship?And to SIL: she is 10 years older, single (and I don’t believe that will change due to her attitude) and to big for the dress (dress is a 36, she is a 44)" ***OOP is resoundingly voted NTA*** **Update (same day, 3 hours later, same post)** 1. My fiancé already talked to her. I believe 3 or 4 days ago. But thanks for the suggestion 2. My MIL called me just a few minutes ago to apologize. To me it sounded sincere. She told me that she was disappointed that day because she wanted to be a part of all that at my wedding day and she did not know how to ask since my parents already said they pay for my veil and shoes. And she knew that I don’t were jewelery expect my engagement ring and a necklace my fiancé gifted me 8 years ago, so she couldn’t give something like this. And she did not want to gift me a garter, since she thought it inappropriate to gift her DIL something like that. And that she was hurt after trying to give input on my dress and was rejected. She apologized again and then asked to treat me and my mom to lunch tomorrow as an apology for her behave and that she wants to offer (if I am up for it) that she pays for my bridal bouquet. So tomorrow we are going out for lunch and after that to a florist so I can show her the flowers I like and the idea I have for my bouquet. I thank you all for your judgments. **I was unsure whether to mark this as ongoing or concluded, but decided on ongoing just in case there are more MIL updates. I hope everything turns out fine for OOP and that the MIL just had a weird off day!**

AITA for not wearing my MILs wedding dress and not compromising on a dress she likes

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkmakq/aita_for_not_wearing_my_mils_wedding_dress_and/

zknli4

[removed]

I told my mom how jealous I am of my half-siblings and now she won't stop crying

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zknli4/i_told_my_mom_how_jealous_i_am_of_my_halfsiblings/

zkot88

[removed]

AITAA for taking my niece to court over a coat?

CONCLUDED

TheRed_Knight

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkot88/aitaa_for_taking_my_niece_to_court_over_a_coat/

zkouzg

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/throwaway00292\_](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway00292_/). She posted in r/AITA. Short and sweet. Time for your daily fun fact about animals to help eliminate spoilers for people on mobile! Per the request of u/SweetheartAtHeart and u/Might_Aware, this one is about hedgehogs: all hedgehogs are lactose intolerant. And as a bonus fact from Migh\_Aware, African Pygmy hedgehogs can safely eat venomous scorpions! ([Source 1](https://www.lovethegarden.com/uk-en/article/15-hedgehog-facts-kids), [Source 2](https://virginiazoo.org/animal/hedgehog-african-pygmy/)) **Mood Spoiler:** >!Actual adult communication wins out!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zaghye/wibta_if_i_attended_my_best_friends_wedding/)**: December 2, 2022** Apologies if the format looks weird, I’m typing this on my phone and its my first time posting on Reddit. I (f24) have been best friends with ‘Andrew’ (m24) since kindergarten. It has always been me and him against the world, we’ve had other friends throughout our lives and been part of different circles but we’ve always been each other’s number one. Things got tricky when we joined the dating pool, some of my boyfriends would often times get jealous of the bond we shared. Obviously to us, it was always purely platonic but in our small town, a male and female friendship as close as ours was unconventional. Andrew started dating Jess in April 2019 and they are due to get married in January. I am extremely happy for them and I’m looking forward to having little babies to spoil. However, I recently found out through a mutual friend that Jess does not like me. Jess was telling my friend that she has always felt insecure about me and Andrew’s friendship and thinks I have feelings for him. It was my first time hearing about this, she has always been nice and sweet when we’ve met up so this came out of the blue for me. Our mutual friend advised me to not attend the wedding as to not ruin Jess’ special day. I have been thinking about not going but I was named Andrew’s ‘best man’ alongside his brother and I don’t want to bail on him or hurt his feelings by not attending. So, WIBTA If I attended my best friend’s wedding? ***Relevant Comment:*** *Regarding her being his number one:* "I understand what you’re saying but I meant it as, even if we have other friends or are in different circles, we’re still each other’s best friends or number one friend. We’ve always been respectful of boundaries when we’ve been in relationships and other than jealousy fits by two of my exes, we’ve never had a problem with our friendship that I know of until now." ***OOP is voted NTA.*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zejqp4/update_wibta_if_i_attended_my_best_friends_wedding/)**: December 6, 2022** Thank you so much to everyone who replied and gave me some things to think about in my previous post. I’m very happy to inform everyone that this is a happy update and things thankfully didn’t escalate. I reached out to Andrew and talked with him privately about what I had heard and he was also as taken back as I was, given that Jess had not mentioned anything to him either. I asked for him to not mention it to Jess and instead chose to talk to her myself. We had lunch at my apartment and she did confide in me about some insecurities she had felt about my friendship with her fiancé. I was more than happy to reassure her that he was nothing more to me than a little brother. We also established more boundaries so she feels more secure. We also talked about what our mutual friend said and Jess did talk to her about how she was feeling but she never asked or even mentioned my participation in the wedding. I did offer to back out of the wedding party but she insisted that it wasn’t necessary and both her and Andrew wanted me there. I did take some people’s advice and me and Jess will have a girls night every Friday. It’s important to me to be able to be even closer with her and I want to be able to put any of her worries to rest. As for some criticism in my last post about me saying me and Andrew were each other’s ‘number one’, I can assure you all that I meant it in “we’ll have other friends but we’ll always be each other’s number one friend”. I know my place in Andrew’s life and I am in no way trying to be or will I ever be above his future wife.

WIBTA if I attended my best friend’s wedding?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkouzg/wibta_if_i_attended_my_best_friends_wedding/

zkpx5o

[removed]

I was drunk and fought terribly with my boyfriend’s elder brother. This has destroyed our relationship, what can I do to make this right ?

REPOST

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkpx5o/i_was_drunk_and_fought_terribly_with_my/

zkrl9v

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddevils/comments/z2nn5l/a_question_about_sir_alex/) posted by u/the_messer in r/reddevils on 23 Nov 2022 **A Question about Sir Alex** Hi all. This is a long shot (and then some). I'm trying to find some way to reach Sir Alex. My dad was chair of a supporters club for almost 20 years and met Sir Alex on multiple occasions. Unfortunately my dad is now getting palliative care due to an aggressive cancer and I'm trying everything I can to reach out and possibly get a short message for him. As I say, I know it's a long shot but if anyone has any idea how I might manage it I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. ----------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddevils/comments/z4b2ct/update_sir_alexs_team_contacted_me/) posted by u/the_messer in r/reddevils on 25 Nov 2022 **UPDATE: Sir Alex's team contacted me!** Guys I am so indebted to you all. A contact provided by **redacted** panned out and I got an email initially from the club and then from Sir Alex's PA. They're arranging something for my dad now. It's easy to flick by things like this and I guess I just want everyone to know that the kind messages, suggestions and even the upvotes mean a lot to me. More than that, the end result will give my dad an incredibly happy memory in the final chapter of his life. Thank you doesn't cut it, but it's all I've really got, so thank you, thank you, thank you. **I AM NOT THE OP**

OP wants to get in touch with Sir Alex Ferguson

ONGOING

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkrl9v/op_wants_to_get_in_touch_with_sir_alex_ferguson/

zkrmvv

**I am not OP. Original post is by** u/KlonularHavok **from** r/TrueOffMyChest Mood spoilers: >!Hopeful for OP!< \--- [Original - I told my mom how jealous I am of my half-siblings and now she won't stop crying](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zatbee/i_told_my_mom_how_jealous_i_am_of_my_halfsiblings/) \- Posted on December 2, 2022 I (16m) was born to my mom when she was 15 and I've never known by real dad. My mom didn't drop out of school or anything and the year after I was born, she started dating Jack and when they went to university, I obviously got left behind with my grandparents. Mom and Jack got good degrees, got married and moved to a city by Vancouver. My mom's always been in my life, she would still come home every weekend just to cuddle with me and would always give me these nicknames but calling me her special guy would be her favourite one. She'd always bring me back presents and gifts and spend the whole time playing with me. She's the one who paid for my tutoring and after school stuff and would try and make it to games and stuff like that. Jack wouldn't always come with her, but it was always fun when he would. He's taken me fishing with him a lot of times and we even went camping for two weeks together once (but never again because I hate camping). But when I was ten, my mom and Jack had a daughter and then another girl three years ago. I don't really know them, especially because my mom stopped coming over as much after they were born. We don't cuddle anymore, we did on my birthday but that's it, no more cute nicknames for me except for special guy (it's like they all got transferred to her daughters), no more gifts and the worst part is she doesn't come to my games anymore. It was okay with me before because they still had a spare room in their house and I could go there when it's time for university. Yesterday, my mom FaceTimed and she had the big announcement that she was going to have another baby and it was a boy and now she'd have two special guys. I guess she saw how sour my face was because she asked what's wrong and I don't know I just admitted how jealous I was that her daughters got her so much and now her son was going to get her and there wouldn't even be space for me there when I had to go to university. And I guess what I said affected her because she started crying and wouldn't stop and had to hang up. My grandparents are mad that I made her upset and think I don't value them now or something. Jack phoned me and he's mad because my mom thinks it's a mistake now to have another kid and also mad at me because he was like why would I ever think they wouldn't have room for me. I feel like I really messed up telling her that and here I am at school, writing about it on Reddit because I can't stop thinking about it. \--- [Update - An update to how things went over the weekend](https://www.reddit.com/user/KlonularHavok/comments/zedzu1/an_update_to_how_things_went_over_the_weekend/) \- Posted on December 6, 2022 (I tried posting this on off my chest but it got removed) So I posted on Friday at school and when I came home, my mom and Jack and their kids were already there talking to my grandparents. As soon as my mom saw me she gave me such a big hug she actually lifted me up for a second (which is weird cause I am taller than her now) and then wouldn't stop kissing me on the face and telling me she loves me. I said hi to everyone and my grandparents had my mom take me into my room to talk to me alone. In my room she told me she was sorry that I felt like she'd been paying me less attention and that a new baby isn't going to replace me and I'd always be her special guy. I started crying so we weren't able to talk until I calmed down and then Jack came in and joined us. I just admitted that I felt like I wasn't that important to my mom anymore and if they were having a boy then there would be no point in them taking me when it's time for university. And then Jack left cause he kind of started crying hearing me say that and that was weird. My mom told me that she wanted to take me when I was 13 and going into high school because she thought that was the best time to do it. Except she argued with my grandparents about it a lot and they said it was best if I stayed with them. Then when my mom took me to a game she saw how much fun I was having with my friends and thought they were right. When I said I wanted to go to SFU she and Jack were happy because it meant I would be with them when I graduated. When I asked about the spare room that was meant to be mine, she admitted that they hadn't thought about what would be the baby's room and would have to figure something out since they aren't giving up my room. My mom told me she'd come and take me every weekend because she said it was wrong that she started paying less attention to me but thought it was okay because I was independent and had my grandparents. She said that she wanted me to spend my breaks with them as well. I don't want to leave my high school but my mom said I could do that for my grad year if I wanted to move in with them earlier. I did have a talk with Jack too and he told me that he was glad I confessed everything and that his parents got mad at him for him not telling me that when he called me. We did all have a fun weekend together (except my grandparents cause they don't leave the house cause of COVID) and I do want weekends to keep being like that. I don't know if I'm allowed to keep doing updates here so this might be the only one. But hopefully this will help calm down everyone who keeps messaging this account for one. \--- *Marked as Concluded for now, since OOP wasn't sure about posting new updates.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster**

I told my mom how jealous I am of my half-siblings and now she won't stop crying

CONCLUDED

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkrmvv/i_told_my_mom_how_jealous_i_am_of_my_halfsiblings/

zktk9m

[removed]

anybody travelling to qatar by road from UAE

ONGOING

Winter-Link4890

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zktk9m/anybody_travelling_to_qatar_by_road_from_uae/

zktmfm

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/exact-explanation-22 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/za6z9b/my_husband_cheated_on_me_do_you_guys_think_its_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (2 Dec 22) **My husband cheated on me, do you guys think it's a one time thing?** My (24f) husband (29m) have been in a relationship for 6 years. We got married three years ago. I thought our relationship was perfect, there was never any signs of anything being wrong. He came home on time everyday and left for work on time everyday. He was always affectionate and I thought our relationship was perfect. But then when he was in the shower I saw a notification on his phone. It was from a girl on Instagram, I'd never seen before. I opened his phone with his passcode. He'd always been very open with me about his passcode and things like that. I'd never checked his phone before because I didn't feel I had too. When I opened Instragram (which I didn't even know he had downloaded) I found a bunch of messages to small influencers who posted revealing photos. I am in no way against them but my husband was clearly flirting with them. His account had some photos of him (with some heavy filtering) and his bio said he was 25 and single. I was shocked obviously and just kept staring at the phone. But I couldn't stop looking. I took screenshots and sent them to myself with the usernames of the girls. When my husband came out of the shower he found me crying and on his phone. He quickly realized what happens and started to comfort me and tell me it was just a one time mistake. I asked if he had gone on dates or slept with any other women. Then he got angry and started shouting at me that I invaded his privacy. He kicked me out of the house and I went to a friend's home. I'd never seen that side of him before. In 6 years he'd always been so sweet and loving. Sometimes he'd get angry sure but everyone did and I can't blame him for that. I know men have urges to cheat sometimes because it's just how they are biologically so I don't blame him. I just wished he'd talk to me. My friend told me I'm being delusional and made a good point about how he hadn't apologized yet. I thought I should post here after lurking for a while and ask for some advice on what I should do because I feel so lost right now. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zeo2x5/i_reached_out_to_who_my_husband_was_cheating_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (6 Dec 22) **I reached out to who my husband was cheating on me with** This is kinda an update to my last post on a different sub but I just wanted to talk about what I did. Update on the situation itself: I read a lot of comments and advice people gave me and I realized I deserved better than that. I deserved someone that loved me for me and wouldn't need someone else to 'satisfy' them. But something about everything really bugged me. In the screenshots that I had, there was this girl. The girl was like the main person he texted and flirted with. She was 23 and I just felt so horrible because she seemed so in love with him. I found her Instagram and I messaged her. I thought that she deserved to know what happened. She was pissed when she found out what was happening. So I can stop referring to her as 'she' I'll call her J. J was clearly upset at the whole situation and kept apologizing to me. Then she asked if she could take me out for coffee to talk about this whole situation. I agreed because I was curious. So basically we met up the following day and I talked to her about my husband and she told me about how they met and how long they had been dating. He went behind my back and dated her for 10 months. 10 months. Which was just insane to me that he managed to find the time inbetween without me noticing. But here's the kicker, he was still texting her! I quickly learned that J was a very vengeful person because she told me that she wanted to lead my husband on for me. She told me that she herself had been cheated on before and was not going to let another cheater get off the hook like that. J gave me a pep talk about how I'm a strong powerful woman and we need to stick together which was honestly really refreshing. She said that she'd continue to flirt with him and etc and try to get him to let her come to our house (apparently he only met her at hotels or at her home) and then she'd get a bunch of glitter and throw it all over his stuff. Honestly it made me laugh to think about because my husband would be so angry. So I allowed her to do that because honestly I don't care about any of my stuff that'll get damaged in the process. I wasn't a big spender so I didn't have much and I wouldn't be surprised if what I did have was already destroyed by him. I'll update you guys on that if you're interested. Update on my emotional situation: I feel a lot better than I did when I made that post. I still feel upset and I still have this feeling that it's my fault but thanks to you guys, J and the awesome friend I've been staying with I feel a lot better. I feel angry and frustrated but more exhausted than anything. I've gotten in contact with a lawyer and that's a whole complicated process that I just don't want to deal with. I just want to be free of him. I feel disgusted with myself and betrayed. I mourn the relationship I had but now that I look back on it, I was always tense and a sad shell. Sorry I'm rambling. EDIT: okay so I forgot to mention in the post because I thought it was obvious but J genuinely had no idea that my husband was lying to her. I could tell how upset she was, it's the type of upset that you can't really describe over text. She was very apologetic to me about the situation and felt very guilty herself. Trust me when I say that she has no intentions of getting back with my husband. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - My husband cheated on me, do you guys think it's a one time thing?

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zktmfm/oop_my_husband_cheated_on_me_do_you_guys_think/

zkvctx

Palm Angels NFT public/free Ethereum mint now live. 2022 NFTs for the first 2022 people.

CONCLUDED

Mu7yka8470

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkvctx/palm_angels_nft_publicfree_ethereum_mint_now_live/

zky1os

[removed]

A redditor is dying of multiple cancers, and his end game is to see Endgame before he dies.

REPOST

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zky1os/a_redditor_is_dying_of_multiple_cancers_and_his/

zkz11t

[removed]

About us

INCONCLUSIVE

LiudmylaTymofiienko

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkz11t/about_us/

zl03ck

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/TAsalary **in** r/AmItheAsshole   [**AITA for telling my old boss I don't believe in loyalty and its unreasonable to expect me not to quit for a better paid job?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j1nkhg/aita_for_telling_my_old_boss_i_dont_believe_in/) \- 28th September 2020 Worked at my first job for 6 years. They trained me from ground zero on everything. I had a great boss (fought for my promotions, etc. - in those 6 years my salary doubled). Got an offer from a more prestigious company with better growth opportunities and double the salary \[Edited. Maths are hard - thanks u/automatic691212\]. We're talking substantial money (120k vs 250k). I quit without thinking twice, and thought it was more respectful not to ask my old boss to use any of his political capital to get me a match (he couldn't, part of my new comp is stock in the new company and the salary is likely more than his pay). So I simply gave him my notice and explained my transition plan. Boss was truly devastated and very very angry. We both stayed professional throughout the discussion but it got heated and he questioned my loyalty as if it's a character flaw. I said my view is I paid him and the company back with my hard work so we're at the very least even. Arguably they got a bargain deal because I could have jumped ship for more money 2 years ago. \[EDIT: didn't say this last sentence out loud.\] Should I have handled any of this differently? My wife and some friends say I'm being rather cold and calculating. I should have shown more loyalty since the company gave me so much. I think it's disrespectful to assume I didn't give them anything less than enough in return - I know my worth and my contribution to the company's bottom line. I've seen people walked out of the door after 2 decades with a "pink slip" and no one shed a tear the morning after. I respect my old boss, but what the hell is "loyalty to your job" supposed to even mean? EDIT: I can’t possibly respond to everyone and read every comment so if there’s something super pressing you wanted to ask or share feel free to DM and I may be able to answer. Thanks for the engagement and helpful insight everyone!   **Verdict - NTA (Not the A-hole)**   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jf1qpc/update_aita_for_telling_my_old_boss_i_dont/) \- 20th October 2020 Probably a bit mundane, but some folks wanted an update. Took my old boss out for a beer to not burn that bridge as some of you have suggested (we sat in an outside pub garden for all the health-conscious redditors). Both had a great time. A couple months helped us cool off and getting together turned into a lot of reminiscing about the good old times together. It also got us taking even more frankly about the things that would be viewed too political if we were still employed by the same company. I think I may have kept my mentor in my life after all. I apologized for perhaps ending things with my old job too abruptly. He said I couldn't have left at a worst time but then again there was no better or worse time to lose me, and to not sweat it. Said he understands why I took the job, respects my reasoning for trying to protect him from using up the goodwill he built to save me as an employee/get me a match, and that giving him an earlier heads-up might have given him more time to find a replacement but didn't make a huge difference at the end of the day. It's all water under the bridge now. The company already hired my replacement for about 25% more than I was paid (he didn't disclose the exact amount but that was the implication). He was blunt I wouldn't have gotten that much even with the offer I had. He also said his priorities in life are very different and he's happy where he is due to personal reasons and work-life perks, but that I need to seek what is the right answer for me. Said he's be happy to work with me again if an opportunity presents itself (and I echoed that sentiment). Who knows, we may end up on the same team one way or another. A few things I took away from the reddit discussion and our talk with the old boss: * Look out for yourself. Your company is not the same thing as your boss. There are structural obstacles to fight against, and because you're loyal to one person doesn't mean the company as a whole feels that way about you. I don't regret my choice. * Be good to people who were good to you and do right by them, if that doesn't go against #1. I wasn't a dick in my final interview and thanked my old boss profusely. It made a difference, but obviously he was still upset in the moment. Which leads me to #3.. * People are people. They are imperfect and have lapses of judgement. If you see them as such, you will find it easier to move on and move up in your professional life. Good luck you all, and thanks again for your input. Sometimes consulting reddit does put a good spin on a trivial story. Edit: apologies but I’m going to struggle to respond to every award and comment individually. I’ve tried to answer all the questions though. Thanks for your support and good luck with your careers!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling my old boss I don't believe in loyalty and its unreasonable to expect me not to quit for a better paid job?

CONCLUDED

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zl03ck/aita_for_telling_my_old_boss_i_dont_believe_in/

zl66fq

[removed]

My spouse is a pet hoarder

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zl66fq/my_spouse_is_a_pet_hoarder/

zl74a7

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/brokenhearted-temp in r/trueoffmychest** trigger warnings: >!revenge porn, addiction, domestic abuse, manipulation, groping, rape!< mood spoiler: >!sad!< ---   [**My husband posted my body online**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wuvmpn/my_husband_posted_my_body_online/) - 22 August 2022 Last Friday I (34f) spent my evening with (obligatory fake name) Kate a young friend (24f) from work as she wanted to discuss something personal with me. I didn’t think anything of it as we do have a very personal relationship outside of work as well. As soon as I arrived to her place the tension in the air was thick. She explained that she wanted to discuss a serious matter with me but that she didn’t know how to go about it. I told her to just rip the band-aid off and tell me. She told me that she had found two recordings of a woman she believed to be me on a pornographic website. I told her that wouldn’t be possible but she was adamant that I was the woman in the recording. And she was right. I’ve never recorded myself naked or having sex with my husband but there I was in two recordings of 7 minutes and 4 minutes both of them recorded in our old bedroom. As I rewatched every second of it, it starts to dawn on me that this was my husbands doing. But I pushed that deep down because there must be a reasonable explanation for this. Honestly I left her place with my mind in a complete meltdown. I could barely hear what she was saying but she did follow up with a text saying she’s been in contact with the website about getting it taken down and that she’ll help me go through this. She also said she’s scouring the internet incase there are more out there. I came home and pretty much ransacked my house looking for evidence and I found it. My husband was using a hidden spy cameras to spy on me and record me in my most intimate moments. I then just spent hours vomiting, crying, projectile vomiting some more and begging god to just let this be a nightmare. I am a deeply religious and a fully veiled Muslim woman and I’ve never been with anyone but my husband and all this time he has been sharing my most intimate moments with the the world. I don’t know what to think or what to do. I can’t look at him or speak to him. Ive locked myself in our bedroom pretending I have covid. All I do is look up how other people have dealt with getting things removed and it’s seems like once it’s on the internet it really is forever even if I remove it from this 1 website. Ive been crying non stop. He truly must be something demonic as he is right now talking about ordering in some of my favorites to see if I have an appetite since I haven’t been eating well. I am so unbelievably hurt. I don’t know how to share this with my family,how to ask for help I am crippled with shame,anger and pain. Answering some questions- 1 My husband (soon to be ex-husband) and I are the same religion,race,ethnicity and nationality. 2 My culture does not participate in honor killings and I’m not afraid of my family harming me or not siding with me. 3 My family would support me in divorcing him, in fact they would demand I do. 4 The laws in my country are secular but in certain circumstances it allows for the various religious groups in the country to hold their own courts that can enforce their rulings (as long as it doesn’t impose or break secular law or civil liberties ). 5 I do plan on taking this to secular court and religious court as I want him punished. 6 I am veiled by choice and the vast majority of my fellow countrywomen do not veil. 7 I am a niqabi meaning the only part of me visible to the public are my eyes. When I am with my family or with other women/in women only spaces I don’t veil. 8 Kate and I do not share the same religion, nor dress alike and yet we are friends: quelle surprise.   [**Update on my previous post- My husband posted my body online**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/x8mp5c/update_on_my_previous_post_my_husband_posted_my/) - 8 September 2022 I left him as I said I would. He went to work. The movers arrived,we packed my stuff and we left. The entire time I was crying to the point that even the movers were worried for me but I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I went home sat my parents and siblings down, and explained the situation. My parents were and still are confused. They are elderly and fragile. They don’t understand the internet. They just keep saying okay “let’s talk to the people and it will be gone”. But my siblings understand. They are angry. They are sad and heartbroken on my behalf. My siblings and brother-in-laws took me home. We waited for him and well we had a conversation with him. He denied it at first. So my brothers were “firm” with him and he started to be more truthful. He said he did it because he was depressed,because he had a porn addiction,sex addiction and because he didn’t think anyone would see it. He said he posted only a few. When we asked him to be specific he said he posted anything from 5 to 8. We had him take it down but who knows how many times it has been downloaded or shared. In that moment I also found out he had a secret phone. He was also cheating on me with random women and sex-workers. All this time I was thinking he’s working hard but nope he was out disgracing himself and betraying our marriage. At some point he convinced us he needed to use the bathroom and he somehow managed to call his mother. Who arrived at our home with his brother and cousins. There was a commotion as they were angry at the treatment of their family member. Then things calmed down enough to explain to them what he had done. His mother fainted. His mother is elderly and not in the greatest health condition. We called for an ambulance. My neighbor had also called the police and I was arrested by the time the ambulance arrived to take care of my mother-in-law. I spent the evening locked up. Didn’t exactly have polite conversation with him. So yes I was arrested for assaulting him (specifically slapping him) and he refused to press charges. Got released the next morning and went home to my parents. Cried some more because my parents kept crying. Then a few days later I spoke to some lawyers my sister had contacted as they had experience with non-consensual material being posted online. They have been handling things with the police as I did press charges and they are dealing with the websites. I also have started the process of divorce. I went to the clinic and got tested and luckily he didn’t give me anything so far but I have another test scheduled just to make sure. I have spoken to his mother and she apologized to me even though it’s not her fault. She told me that she understood why I want him punished. She asked that I let it stay in the hands of the law rather then I hurt him or have him hurt. He’s in hiding but he still calls and texts me from random numbers. He still lies and tries to manipulate me. I’ve just been documenting everything he says and texts to me. Oh at this point everyone knows. I mean everyone even little kids. And I feel more humiliated now then I did at first.   [**My husband posted my body online -The more I know the more I just want the earth to swallow me up. - 3rd update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zdp2vn/my_husband_posted_my_body_online_the_more_i_know/) - 6 December 2022 This man has destroyed everything I have worked for and has completely destroyed the very little sense of stability and safety I had left. I had to resign from my job. A job that I loved. Jobs don’t come easy for me with the way that I look. I can’t work there anymore because I am a potential danger to the children and staff. Since perverted men have started to harass me at work. I work with vulnerable children and mothers who have heard about me have started to refuse me working with their children. Some don’t want me to be involved with their child because their husbands can’t stop being weird. Fathers have leered at me or made lewd comments toward me and one of them even offered me money to sleep with him. Men have catcalled me with greater frequency then ever before. Men stare at me. A man followed my from my dentist office and groped me on the street. Random men call my phone,my family home and office to verbally abuse me because my husband has posted my address, my personal and work email, phone numbers, work place address and every other bit of information online. It is as if the eyes and judgement of the entire world is on me. Yes the great majority of people are sympathetic, kind and in support of me. Many people have reached out in support of me, from old classmates to former colleagues,neighbors,members of my religious community, family friends, his family and many many more have expressed solidarity and kindness but the crazies and perverts who believe him and are like him, are bolder, louder and much more noticeable. Then I find out from my lawyers and their investigators that he was drugging me and assaulting me as I slept. I suffer from migraines and insomnia and take medication for it. He saw my medication as opportunity to drug me with my own prescriptions. He shared (was actually bragging) on a forum where other perverts congregate how he was so clever for drugging me with my own medication and they were encouraging him to do more things to me. Soon to be ex-husband has also decided to spread rumor’s that I was aware of the cameras and pressured him into posting online AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE HIM! He also changed his mind about not pressing charges. I went to court. The judge and prosecutors were sympathetic and dismissed the case. It was a combination of my lawyers explaining the circumstances that led to me slapping him and his subsequent actions(threatening me,attacking me,doxxing me and blackmailing me by saying he didn’t care about the slap and that he would drop everything if I forgave him) My lawyers used his own words against him since he wrote it in text and on a recorded call he admitted to me not having slapped him that hard and that he only pressed charges to cause me harm. But his crimes against me are still being investigated by the prosecutors. Uploaded this before but it was deleted for some reason.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[NEW UPDATE] My husband posted my body online

NEW UPDATE

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zl74a7/new_update_my_husband_posted_my_body_online/

zlb8d1

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/amazing-stomach-5207 in r/relationship_advice. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ybe38e/had_a_threesome_with_fwb_now_she_wants_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (24 Oct 22) **Had a threesome with FWB now she wants a relationship while I don't** She (28f) has been in a fwb relationship with me (27m) for the past year. Recently she told me that one of her fantasies is to have a mfm 3some and after some deliberation I agreed. We had the 3some around 2 weeks ago and I thought that was it. But yesterday my fwb really surprised me by saying that she wants a exclusive relationship with me. Now I will be honest, I had asked her once or twice to become my gf in the past but she said she isnt ready. Now she is ready. But how do I tell her that I literally saw her have sex with someone else right in front of my eyes and I am not likely to forget that. Yes we were not exclusive but feelings were there. And I was able to convince myself of the 3some only after telling myself that we will never actually be in a relationship. I would never agree to a 3some with someone I am dating. But how do I tell her all this without coming across as hurtful? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ycydzd/update_had_a_threesome_with_fwb_now_she_wants_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (26 Oct 22) **Update- Had a threesome with FWB now she wants a relationship while I dont** So I told her what most of you guys suggested, that my desire for a serious relationship with her ended after she turned me down 2 times. She then asked me why was I saying that I would start a relationship with her in a heartbeat if she asked, so I lied and said I was joking. She also asked if the threesome had anything to do with my decision and I said no, my decision was made long before that, I dont think she was convinced with my answer but I stuck to it. She tried to argue that we will make a very good couple but I just told her its not a possibility. I also told her that we should put our friendship on hold for some time till the feelings subside and we actually see each other as friends rather than possible romantic partners. It goes without saying that our FWB arrangement is done and I have decided that fwb is not for me. I cant keep feelings aside from sex and it would only be harmful to me. Thank you to everyone who chimed in with advice. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - Had a threesome with FWB now she wants a relationship while I don't.

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prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlb8d1/oop_had_a_threesome_with_fwb_now_she_wants_a/

zlb8y6

[removed]

WIBTA if I uninvited a friend from a party because of her hygiene?

REPOST

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlb8y6/wibta_if_i_uninvited_a_friend_from_a_party/

zlccf9

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/thepiratesovereign in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**WIBTA if I uninvited a friend from a party because of her hygiene?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p2uxpx/wibta_if_i_uninvited_a_friend_from_a_party/) - 12 August 2021 My friend Addy has always had a slight smell. She lives a bohemian lifestyle. As a result, she doesn’t always have a reliable place to do laundry or shower. She’s a fun person to hang out with, so I just accepted it as one her many quirks. However, within the past eight weeks or so, the smell has become much worse. It’s an intense, musty odor that fills whatever small space we’re in and sticks to any cloth she comes into contact with. For example if Addy sat on my bed, I’ll have to strip the sheets to wash after she leaves, or the smell will stay in the room. The last time she came over, my housemates complained that the smell drifted all the way downstairs from my room. Now that Addy’s problem is affecting the other people in my life, I have to acknowledge it. Because the issue got worse within the past few months, it could be signs of a health issue (physical or mental.) I don’t know how I could ever bring up the smell with Addy herself. How can you broach a subject like that without utterly embarrassing the person? So the asshole part: months ago, before the smell got worse, I invited Addy to a party I’m hosting. Now I’m concerned that her hygiene issues will impact the enjoyment of my other guests. Do I lie and tell her it’s cancelled/postponed and still hold it for my other friends? Or do I address the issue directly? Verdict: YTA **EDIT:** Thank you to everyone who gave me the honest assessment that, yes, I would indeed be the asshole if I excluded my friend without explanation. I have a tough and uncomfortable conversation ahead of me but it’s one that needs to happen. Thanks especially to those that offered gentle talking points. I sincerely hope the issue isn’t a symptom of something that requires treatment. If it is, then it is better to bring up sooner rather than never. If it isn’t, and just a matter of having access to cleaning facilities, I’ll check with my housemates before opening an invitation for Addy to use my own. Thanks to everyone for your frank advice. It’s much appreciated.   [**UPDATE: WIBTA if I uninvited a friend from a party because of her hygiene?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/passdw/update_wibta_if_i_uninvited_a_friend_from_a_party/) - 24 August 2021 I followed Reddit’s advice and took the issue to my friend directly. I asked Addy to meet at a coffee house so we were on neutral ground. I decided to bring it up closer to the end of our meeting so she didn’t feel awkward through the rest of our catch-up. I said, “Hey, I need to talk to you. Something has changed in the past few weeks and I wanted to make sure you’re okay. I’ve noticed a strong smell. Do you have a place to shower or do laundry? Do you need help?” I let her know I felt the need to bring it up because I care for her, and as friends we need to look out for each other. Addy was, as expected, mortified. It really hurt to see her so distressed. She apologized several times for causing ME discomfort. (She really is too nice.) She assured me that she did have access to those facilities and didn’t know what the cause of the smell might be. Because she was assertive about wanting to solve this problem, I offered that maybe it was the new clothes she thrifted. Some garments require special care (like dry cleaning.) Addy said that was possible, and assured me that she was going to start working on a solution as soon as we said goodbye. It was predictably awkward after the news broke. When I left, I was sure I lost a friend. But since then, we’ve been texting jokes and personal updates as per usual. So I think we’re okay! As for the problem, I don’t know if it’s been put to rest quite yet. We both got new jobs recently, and we won’t be able to see each other until right before the party. I should probably have another brief coffee date before then to see if Addy’s solution worked. But, now that the subject has been breached, I feel better about bringing it up in the future (if needed.) Especially because Addy will know where I’m coming from: a place of love and concern. Thanks to everyone for your frank assessments before and your very helpful advice. I’m really glad I listened. **UPDATE:** I saw Addy recently, and... the smell is gone! She asked me if I could still detect it and, when I said I didn't, told me that she had laundered her entire wardrobe. So it seems the issue was indeed laundry-based. We're both really excited for the party and I'm so glad that she'll be there. I think in a weird way, being honest about the situation actually made us closer as friends. Thanks again everyone!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

WIBTA if I uninvited a friend from a party because of her hygiene?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlccf9/wibta_if_i_uninvited_a_friend_from_a_party/

zlcdfx

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/tomatillounique7509 in r/trueoffmychest** trigger warnings: >!rape, suicide!< mood spoiler: >!hopeful!< ---   [**I'm going to break up with my girlfriend because her best friend sexually assaulted me and I can't tell her**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z8bnln/im_going_to_break_up_with_my_girlfriend_because/) - 30 November 2022 I will keep this short, but I want to tell someone because I can't tell anyone. My girlfriend's best friend sexually assaulted me and I can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend. I'm afraid she won't believe me. I have no evidence, so I wouldn't blame her if she didn't believe me. They have known each other since elementary school and I have known her for less than a year, so it wouldn't make any sense for her to believe me. I can't pretend like nothing happened either. I feel like I would have a panic attack if I saw her friend again. I'm not proud of what I'm going to do, but I'm going to break up over text without giving a reason. I know it's a shitty thing to do, but I can't bring myself to do anything else. She is probably going to think she did something wrong and blame herself, and her friend is probably going to do the same thing she did to me to someone else. Am I a coward? Yes, but everything would be even worse if I was brave enough to do the right thing. I know that doesn't make it okay.   [**Update: I'm going to break up with my girlfriend because her best friend sexually assaulted me and I can't tell her. [I told her, she believes me, her friend had done it before, I still worry a lot]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zeq5zd/update_im_going_to_break_up_with_my_girlfriend/) - 7 December 2022 I was going to break up with my girlfriend but I couldn't. I ghosted her until she came to see me in person, and then told her everything. She believed me. We both cried. I felt so relieved to be believed. I never expected that was even a possibility. She told me that when they were in high school, a friend told her that her best friend raped him. She didn't believe him and believed her best friend when she told her it was actually the other way around. Neither accusation was made publicly or to anyone else as far as she knows, but the other friend committed suicide. My girlfriend blames herself for that and also for what happened to me. I have tried to tell her that it's not her fault. It's only her former best friend's fault. She has a hard time accepting that. My girlfriend wants me to go to the police and said she would go with me. I agreed initially, but I then had second thoughts because I still don't have any evidence, and they could just as well arrest me. My girlfriend tried to secretly record herself confronting her former best friend (with my permission) to get evidence, but it didn't work. She denied it and my girlfriend punched her in the face. I don't know if I will have the courage to go to the police. I'm worried my girlfriend is doing to do something to her former best friend that will end with my girlfriend going to prison. I don't think she is serious when she says that she will kill her, but I honestly can't say that I know she isn't. I'm also worried someone else will be raped or sexually assaulted if I don't do anything, and about what could happen to me if I do report it and the police don't believe me. I will be going to therapy, and we will also talk to a lawyer. I feel very anxious about both, but I will do my best to do it anyway.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I'm going to break up with my girlfriend because her best friend sexually assaulted me and I can't tell her

ONGOING

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlcdfx/im_going_to_break_up_with_my_girlfriend_because/

zleein

[removed]

I want to help but not in the situation to help a child suffering from cancer

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zleein/i_want_to_help_but_not_in_the_situation_to_help_a/

zlhdcj

**I am not OOP. OOP deleted her account but was originally** [u/Individual-You352](https://www.reddit.com/u/Individual-You352/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I fixed a few spelling errors. Your daily animal fun fact to prevent web spoilers on mobile, (per the request of u/Formal_Fortune5389, it's about the North American Opossum): opossum's are immune to the venom of honeybees, scorpions and rattlesnakes, and more, and they are also unaffected by toxins such as botulism. They also rarely contract rabies because their body temp is too low. ([Source 1](https://www.havahart.com/opossum-facts), [Source 2](https://www.reconnectwithnature.org/news-events/the-buzz/five-fun-facts-about-opossums/)) **Trigger Warning:** >!verbal abuse, misogyny!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP is a badass but gets harassed!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zb1cxs/aita_for_my_response_when_my_family_asked_me/)**: December 2, 2022** I'm 22f and I come from a "traditional" family. By that I mean every woman in my family had at least on child before they were 20. Education was never a priority and even tho they aren't religious they believe that a woman's only purpose is to have kids and the man is the provider. Because of this I have 4 younger siblings and about a dozen of cousins. Being the oldest I had to be a second mother to my siblings and a babysitter for my cousins. This made me realize I don't want kids at the age of 10. 12 years later and my opinion hasn't changed. I don't like kids and i don't want kids. Last year I had my tubes tied and I didn't tell my family. They're trying to push the idea that I'm nothing and my life in empty without kids on me. I've made my point clear many times but they kept pushing it. Last night we had a big family dinner and they again tried convincing me to have kids so I shut down everything they said in a not so nice way. They were going on and on about how amazing being a mom is and how that's their biggest accomplishment so I reminded them of all the times they complained about having to take care of the kids, all the times the would cuss us out for doing kids things, all the times they would tell us how much they regret having us and how we ruined their lives. I reminded one of my aunts of all the times she would make 10 years old me take care of her 4 kids all under 6 just because she was bored and sick of taking care of them herself. I reminded my dad of all the times he complained about how much money he had to spend on me and my siblings. And of course, I reminded them how they kicked us out at 18 because they don't have to care for us legally speaking. Then I just said something like "all my life you've done nothing but complain about having kids and now you're sitting here telling me how kids are the best thing in the world? You're all hypocrites". Then I told them not to call me until they decide to apologize for bearding *(OP edit- I think she means berating but I'm not 100% sure)* me and I left. They're all very mad at me but my siblings and cousins say I could've make my point without making them feel like bad parents. So AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *How did you manage to get your tubes tied at 22?* "My bffs mom is doctor so thankfully I didn't have to deal with all the stupid "are u sure" questions" "I'm not in US but it was my bffs mom that did the procedure so it wasn't hard to convince her since she's know me for over a decade" ***OOP is voted NTA.*** **Update 1: Same Post** UPDATE! My mom showed up at my apartment demanding that I make a formal apology to the family and berated me for my behavior. Then she went about how disappointed she is that she raised "such a selfish excuse of a daughter" then she left. So i sent the following message in the family group chat: "I will not apologize for defending myself and standing my ground. I've put up with y'all for too long and I'm sick of having to justify my choices. I will live the way I see fit because it's my life. This so called family never showed me any love or support. Even as a kid I was just a free babysitter for your kids. I see you will never respect me or my decisions so I don't see a reason for me to stay in contact with you. Do not contact me again. Oh and btw I had my tubes tied a year ago *inserts sike gif* goodbye" then I blocked them all. **Update 2: Same Post, December 3, 2022** Mom showed up at my work because how dare I talk to my family that way and how dare I not give her grandkids. My boss had to call the police to have her removed because she was hysterical. I'm going to stay with my bff for a while. I'm looking for a new apartment and a new job. My landlord was very understanding and she offered to help me move my things into storage before 15 January. My lease end 7 January. She said she won't charge me any rent if i can move out by 15. She's amazing. My boss was also very understanding and offered to help me look for another job. I'm going to see a lawyer tomorrow to get a restraining order against my family members

AITA for my response when my family asked me about kids?

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlhdcj/aita_for_my_response_when_my_family_asked_me/

zllo0m

[removed]

ProRevenge - When you refuse to take responsibility, others will force you to do it - and you won't like it

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Hanzoku

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zllo0m/prorevenge_when_you_refuse_to_take_responsibility/

zlq6hn

[removed]

He mistaken me for someone else

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlq6hn/he_mistaken_me_for_someone_else/

zlsvos

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/\[deleted\] in** [r/a](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/)dultery. I'll edit the post to make it easier to read. Trigger warning: >!cheating!< Mood Spoiler: >!I don't know how to feel...!< Link to the original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/jfd3kr/i_37_caught_my_wife_43_cheating_two_years_ago_and/). **I \[37\] caught my wife \[43\] cheating two years ago and haven't stopped her. -** 21 October 2020. A few years ago, I was on my lunch break and was out on a drive. I popped by my house and my garage door was open and my wife's car and another car were there. I parked across the street and went in through the garage, which is in our basement, essentially under the bedrooms of our split level house. Literally the second I was in the garage, I could hear the bed in our spare bedroom above me bouncing and muffled sounds that were clearly sex. I stood there, basically in disbelief of what I was hearing, but I wasn't overcome with anger or anything. I very very quietly opened the door into the house and crept up the steps. I could see down the hall from the top of the steps and I could see the shadows of fucking on the wall outside the first bedroom (not my bedroom) in the hallway. Tons of groaning, lots of dirty talk from her, and I snuck back down the steps, through the garage, out to my car, and backed it to a side street and I observed them leave about 15 minutes later. They just walked out in broad daylight. The thing is....our marriage is fucking awesome. Like, totally spot on amazing. We have sex almost every night and we're completely in love. We have 3 kids together and life is damn good. Over the past couple of years, I sporadically pop past the house in the middle of the day and that car is there about 2-3x a month and I am 100% aware of what is happening.....and I'm kinda okay with it! Oh, and I know who the guy is, too. I had a police pal run the plate and it's one of her college boyfriends. He's also married. My plan for now is if she ever finds out I know, I'm just going to tell her I'm fine with it because our marriage is pretty much bang on perfect. If this is what she needs to do to keep the marriage perfect, I'm fine with it and I won't cause any drama to her FWB. What do you all think? Anyone else have this type of situation? Am I a total weirdo? **UPDATE:** What an incredible array of conversations I've had today. I'm so deeply grateful to all of you who chimed in on this situation. I plan to re-read the entire thing today and tomorrow, but I still would deeply value additional insights if you want to add something. The tally of "tell her" vs. "Don't tell her" was bewildering to me. I wasn't nearly expecting such an even split, but I don't really know what I was expecting. You have no idea how much gratitude I have to all of you who took the time to share your thoughts on this. I'm somewhat leaning towards telling her, but only gradually, and there will be an immense "leading with love" approach if I go that route. All day long, I've been moved deeply by surging waves of how much I love her and how much I love our life together. She's incredible and I wake up grateful every single day to be with her, even during the past two years when I have known she was up to this. My overwhelming gratitude to wake up next to her has never wavered, even knowing what I know. I welcome ongoing comments, of course, and will consider future posts if this progresses in a specific direction. **UPDATE 2:** Please do not delete your comments, please! I need to re-read this! **Update 3:** She's in a hilariously great mood tonight. Cooking dinner, sipping wine, chatting away. I've had this wild day in here and she's just like "la di da!" It's adorable and she's so wonderful and sexy. **Update 4:** I have been doom scrolling this reddit for like 17 of the last 24 hours. I'm gonna put my phone away for a bit and have a think about stuff. Update 5: thanks everyone. I will send an update in the coming weeks if this situation changes. I have a few ideas that are gentle and non-invasive in mind. \--- -------- ---- Link to the **update** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/jwdek0/update_to_i_37_caught_my_wife_43_cheating_two/). **Update to "I \[37\] caught my wife \[43\] cheating two years ago and haven't stopped her."** \- 18 November 2020. Well, woke up at 4 am, so might as well type this out! The last month or so has been a whirlwind for me. First, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the tremendous amounts of supportive messages I received from this sub. There were so many amazing pieces of advice. When I wrote the post, I wasn't sure if I would ever tell her, but a series of events occurred in recent weeks that now have me convinced I made that post in part because i was ready to talk to her about it, but didn't know how until the perfect situation fell into my lap last week. And I have told her. In the weeks after I made my post, I found myself obsessing over clues of their routine. They met up a couple of times on either a Tuesday or a Thursday, always at my house, and always for only about 30-40 minutes. Each time, she sent me a late morning "Hey, how's your day?" text to check that I was firmly ensconced at work. Each time, I ran to my car and drove up a side street to view my house from afar. After watching them go inside, I then would pop over to the house, hear the telltale sounds from the guest bedroom. Once, after they had gone, I snuck into the house to find the laundry machine running and the guest bed re-made with a fresh sheet. I took one of my kids to dance lesson later that day, came home, and that sheet had been put back away in the hall closet. I also found myself watching her phone habits. She's very anti-phone during family time, but I noticed her on her phone between sets when she weight lifts on Sunday nights in our basement. I found this behavior of mine weighing on me. I didn't really care for my voyeuristic behavior. But this past Thursday, a seemingly meant-to-be series of events occurred for a "now or never" opportunity for me to act. I got "the text" at 10:30 or so in the morning. I ran to the car, arrived at my house at 10:45. Most of the time, they get there at 11:00 (my wife goes to work at 6:30 am so she has an early-ish lunch); he arrived at 11:00, but she didn't arrive until 11:05. They went in through garage as normal (left it open as normal, too). I'll be brief here, but I went into the house and came close to getting caught. But they were later than normal and apparently in a huge hurry, and, upon re-entering the house after they'd gone, discovered she had NOT replaced the sheets on the spared bedroom bed and had NOT started the laundry. In the laundry were the sheet, a pair of panties, and a pair of scrubs lab pants and shirt. Almost as if I had no control over the situation, I started the laundry machine, sat down, had coffee, and moved the laundry over to the dryer half an hour later, and then went back to work. I took one of my kids to their dance class that day, got home at like 6:30, and walked in to an absolutely frantic wife. She grabbed hold of my arms, looked at me, was shaking, and said "Did something happen today?" I looked her in the eye, said "Yes, I love you, everything is fine, we will talk about it all a lot, i love you, it's okay, i promise it's okay." I kissed her and we fooled around in the bathroom for a few minutes, then I made dinner, and we helped the kids with homework, bedtime, etc. as normal. When the kids got to bed, we got down to business and talked for about 5 hours Thursday night. It basically started off by her asking me "How much do you know?" I told her a LOT, but not even remotely everything, and also that I wasn't mad at all. She said she had spent every waking moment from getting home and discovering the laundry to the time I walked in feeling almost certain I would walk in and announce I was divorcing her. I assured her that was NOT going to happen. Of course she was rattled. She admitted everything straight away, was very upset obviously, but I got her calmed down and we had some fantastic conversation. We agreed we'd likely need a weekend of privacy and my MIL agreed to take the kids all weekend, which is perfect because the kids just go there and eat Papa Johns and snickers ice cream bars for two days so they love it of course. So the gist of what I found out is this: \-It's been going on since 2005, pre-dating me knowing her by five years. \-They dated in 1996 and didn't have a great relationship but the sex was great. \-They reconnected after he'd been married 3-4 years and began cheating. she was a single AP but he was married. \-She told me she would have been content to do that for years, and did. She dated casually with other people, hooked up with him, became a doctor, did her residency, traveled, had a good life. When she met me ten years ago, I complicated her equation because of how intensely she fell in love with me. She gave me her full self, but continued with him because of what described as "magic hex she couldn't break" regarding their sexual chemistry. \-My kids are 100% mine (I never had any doubt really) and they never had PIV intercourse while we were trying to conceive. \-He and his wife have a great marriage, have sex, and my wife is not saving him from a dead bedroom. \-His wife does not know. \-Their relationship essentially consists of "hey, how's it going? how's life? how are the kids, FUCK ME NOW!, okay see ya next time!" It's not an overly emotional thing. She explained several times that if they were going to have a real relationship, they would have done it long before she and I even met. Obviously there is a lot more that I know than that list, but you get the idea. We also had sex like 10 times this weekend when the kids were gone. I clearly told her I am okay with it if she and he continue; I love her, she has had this thing going for much longer than I've been married to her, it makes her happy, and I love it when she's happy. She was, of course, gobsmacked. I also told her she is free to NOT tell him I know OR to tell him I know and that telling him or not was 100% in her court. She mulled it over, considered it for a day, and decided to tell him. I told her if she wanted to tell him, she could invite him over this past Sunday morning, I would go for a long run, they could talk, then I would go pick up the kids and when returning with the kids, he would be gone. And that's what happened. I got home with the kids in the late morning, she saw them, cried. The kids went to put away to play. My wife is. weightlifter is insanely strong. We frequently do muay thai holds in bed, haha. She could kick the shit out of me in two seconds flat. But she grabbed my head on both sides of my face HARD. And the tears just flowed from both of us instantly. Just GUSHING. She looked me straight in the eye and said "You have to listen to me. I will NEVER leave you. EVER. I LOVE YOU...and you know it." Well, I fucking sobbed like a baby. So she recapped their conversation to me. She started the conversation by telling him to stay calm, everything was fine, but that she felt it pertinent to tell him that I knew everything and had known for a long time. He said okay. She told him that the option was on the table to continue but that at the end of the conversation if he decided he could not trust ME that she was ending it with HIM. He said okay. So she relayed to him what I knew. It was a couple hour long conversation. Sunday afternoon, she checked in with him and he said he was doing fine. He said that he did trust me because if I had an malicious intent towards him, his life as he knew it would have ended long ago. He also sent her a message to relay to me that he does trust me and he hopes that I will trust him as well and know in my heart that he is not coming for what I have. He will never steal my wife away. So he said he trusts me and he asked me to trust him. I said he had a deal. She has been very communicative with me (as she always is) but to a new level. She has expressed relief to me the past couple of days that she feels lighter. She has showed me numerous times in recent days how much she loves me. She is having moments of struggle because this is all still so fresh for her, whereas i've been living with it for years. She's amazed at how I'm fine. I told her I'm fine because we're together and I know she's in this with me. She said yes she is. And that brings us up to date. Phew. **RELEVANT COMMENTS:** From u/.: I’m wondering if the “thrill” of being with her current AP will wear off quickly...I think the sneakiness is part of the thrill for a lot of people. From OP: I considered this. It's certainly possible. They've been "together for almost 16 years, though. I think the thrill would have worn off a long time ago. This is also why I gave her the option to not tell him. Part of the reason I wasn't sure I wanted to tell her is because I love her how she is, flaws and all. If they end, I know she wont leave me, but I do worry about repercussions she goes through, like malaise or depression, from the fallout. Time will tell. She's going through some ups and downs right now. \----------------------------------------------------------- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I [37] caught my wife [43] cheating two years ago and haven't stopped her.

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girl_in_red_costume

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlsvos/i_37_caught_my_wife_43_cheating_two_years_ago_and/

zltk1r

[removed]

https://www.mlmgateway.com/?refcode=38863260

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stephenanand666

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zltk1r/httpswwwmlmgatewaycomrefcode38863260/

zltnca

Bored Ape Yacht Club NFT's are getting a New Addition, Only 1000 People Can Claim 1000 BAYC NFTS

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Brando_71286874

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zltnca/bored_ape_yacht_club_nfts_are_getting_a_new/

zlurrs

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/\[deleted\] in** r/TrueOffMyChest. Trigger warning: >!stalking!< Mood Spoiler: >!I'm speachless!< Link to the original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xzkx2d/myf26\_husband\_m29\_is\_obsessed\_with\_my\_bossf38\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xzkx2d/myf26_husband_m29_is_obsessed_with_my_bossf38_and/) # My(f26) husband (m29) is obsessed with my boss(f38) and it’s all my fault - 9 October 2022 I started this job about 1,5 years ago. I can’t say what it is because I want us to stay anonymous and our country is very small so my boss would probably be recognized. The moment I started I felt like I was in the right place. My boss, the owner of the company is very cool and kind. She’s self-made and she loves her job. She does lot of the dirty work herself that bosses who has 30-35 employees wouldn’t have to do. But she just loves it. On top of that, we have a 6h work day, our salaries are 20% higher than the market and we have 7 paid vacation weeks a year. Her reasons? She appreciates us and she’s getting richer anyway. I was so proud of working with a woman like her so I wouldn’t shut up talking about her to my husband. Especially in the beginning. My husband was as fascinated by her as I am until he met her in a company party last Christmas. She must’ve been beautiful when she was young. She could’ve been a model. I think his fascination became a crush or an obsession or maybe worse, love. Now he follows her on SM. Her accounts are private but he stalk her with my account. He also follows the company IG and likes every picture she’s in. He asks about her all the time. She’s a very private person but when her divorce from her ex husband was finalized in the beginning of this year we all found out because he started showing up to work. He owned 1/2 her company now and he started to try to make changes in our work hours and salaries. We found out that her husband had cheated on her with a younger girl who he also tried to employ in our company(she still works with us). She (probably lawyers involved) eventually convinced her husband to sell her back his share. We’re still in this process now. My husband has followed all this and he was so sad for her. And so angry. How could anyone do this when they had a woman like her? If it was him he would cherish her, love her, bla bla bla. Who leaves a woman for a girl. I got very angry and told him that all men prefer younger women if they could choose. He laughed at me and told me only losers do that. The last drop was last Friday. We were out for a movie night and we saw my boss with a young man. He looked in his mid 20’s. My husband lost it. “He didn’t know that she dated younger men” he wanted us to go say hello but I refused and yelled at him to control himself because he looked pathetic. When we got home he was frenetically going through her SM. Until he found the guy and he sighed in relief. The guy was her nephew and we didn’t see the whole company but they were out with other family members. My husband was so happy like a weight lifted off his chest. I lost it on him. I started crying and yelling and told him he was in love with her and he was shocked when I pushed and kicked him out of our bedroom. I locked the door. He stood outside trying to calm me down telling me he loved me and I’m his girl and always will be. Then he said something that ruined me even further. “It’s not like someone like her would look my way.” I haven’t slept since then. Why is he feeling like this? Is it love? Infatuation? She’s too old for my husband so what is it? And why would he think he couldn’t have her? He’s very handsome and still young. She should feel lucky a young handsome man likes her. And does he mean I’m less than her to accept him? Or is it purely her money and status? He refuses to admit anything. And what can I do now? I love this job. I love the benefits. Thanks to this job our life has improved and we can afford more than just the necessities. I’m starting to hate my boss though and I hate myself for idolizing her in front of my husband. Edit: sorry this is getting longer. But I have spoken to my mother, sister, granny and some friends about this. And about what happened last Friday and they all think I’m making a big deal out of nothing. ​ Update on the same sub: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zbgbct/i\_just\_found\_out\_that\_my\_husband\_separated\_is/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zbgbct/i_just_found_out_that_my_husband_separated_is/) # I just found out that my husband (separated) is dating my boss. I don't know what to do. -- 3 December 2022 Hi, I'm in so much pain and I don't know what to do. I don't want to do something stupid while hurting. I got a lot of good advice last time I was here so I don't know, maybe you can help me this time too? my old post is linked in my bio. I hope you read it before this one because I don't want to tell the whole story again. I went against my family and friends and asked my husband for separation. I felt like my heart couldn't take it anymore, my intuition told me that my husband wasn't all mine. This was shortly after the event at the movies. My husband was in total confusion. He said that I was making a mistake making a mountain out of a molehill but he moved in with his brother however. We decided to start couples counselling too. It went well the first 3 weeks or so but my husband became more and more reluctant to participate and sometimes he just canceled on me last second. He stopped showing up this month and he also stopped calling and texting me. I was even more heartbroken but it just solidified that my intuition was right and that I was doing the right thing seeing that he is not interested in working on us anymore. I chose not to quit my job. I still loved it with all the heartbreak and I really needed the benefits, like I'm the only one I know who is having a 3 weeks paid vacation around Christmas and new year. I never see my boss anyway and she does't even know of my existence. My husband eventually stopped being active on instagram and I thought it was normal because we were going through adversities uni yesterday when his brother shared my husbands stories of the night. My husband was in a restaurant holding a woman's hand, I could only see her hand. So my husband has just "blocked" me and my family and friends from seeing his updates. I commented WTF? and this morning my husband called me, for the first time in month, totally scared and started begging please don't ruin this for me, please don't ruin this for me. I told him what do you mean? He said don't tell her about us. I never made the connection at first. It never ever crossed my mind even. THAT WOMAN IN THE PICTURE WAS MY BOSS! I started crying and screaming at him. How could you do this to me? How could you tell my that it was all in my head when it's obviously all over your instagram? He said it just happened. I dumped HIM and he was single and just happened to find her on bumble. He begged me not to ruin this for him. She knows he's in the process of divorce but she doesn't know that he already knew who she was or that she was the boss of his stbx. They have been seeing each other for 6 weeks(about 2 weeks after I asked him to move) and it is getting serious. He begged for a good 5 minuets telling me how he hasn't been this happy in all his life and that I shouldn't ruin his happiness since, again, I was the one who ENDED our marriage. I have been crying since this morning. I don't know what to do. I want to ruin him and his "happiness" but I don't know if I have any right to do that AND I'm so worried about losing my job. Please help! Edit for new information: **Ok my husband has been calling me nonstop and I have now answered him. He is panicking about me telling her everything so he begged me to give him the chance to tell her himself. His words were, I never stalked her or creeped on her. I just fell for her and was scared that she would think I was creepy since you thought the same. Give me a chance to tell her the truth in my own pace so at least she doesn't think I'm a liar or a freak like you seem to think. He still swears they matched on bumble (I didn't know what that is until now but it is like tinder?)** **I'm just devastated right now. He has no regards for me and my feelings. Everything he is thinking of is not to scare her away. When I told him this he said that I was the one who left him. People fall out of love and that okay and no one's fault and that I was in the right for ending the relationship but I was the one who ended it all the same. "Don't hurt us and I promise to give you everything you want. She is happy with me so don't hurt us"** Last Update: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zelfmz/i\_just\_found\_out\_that\_my\_husband\_separated\_is/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zelfmz/i_just_found_out_that_my_husband_separated_is/) **I just found out that my husband (separated) is dating my boss. I don't know what to do. Update.** \-- 6 December 2022. Hi (Please see my previous posts because this is just the update). I talked to my boss yesterday (Monday) after lunch. I told her everything. Basically how I was so happy I found this job, how I looked up to her and was proud to be working for someone like her and that this rubbed off on my husband who grew more obsessed with her each day. I apologized for using "obsessed" because I didn't know how things were between them but that it was how I perceived his feelings. I told her about the day at the movie and how it basically made me realize that our issues were greater than I thought. I told her that I know and accept that my marriage is over and that my husband didn't love me anymore and that the reason I'm telling her now isn't to judge or blame her but to let her know the whole story because it's just fair that she knows that he has been following her life for over a year now. "Because from what I understood from my husband, you are under the impression that you just matched with him on a dating app" I said. She was silent the whole time I was talking, just listening to me until I mentioned the dating app and that's when she interrupted me "That's not how we met. He has been a patron at my gym for the past 6 months, maybe year" she said. I know her gym, it's the one across our workplace. She works out there every morning before coming work. I didn't know he had joined it because I knew him to be a member at the gym near our home. He has been, without telling me, working out just across the street from me every morning without telling me. She looked like how I felt, SHOCKED. I apologized and told her that he has kept dating her a secret from me and that he begged me not to talk to her telling me that he hasn't been this happy and so on. She didn't say much, just thanked me for telling her. Today she asked if she could talk to me. She apologized for everything that happened to me and asked if I needed any help, I said no. She thanked me again. When I got home, my husband was there. He had called me att least 50 times but my phone was on silent. He was crying, calling me bitter and vindictive and pathetic. He said I ruined his relationship and future. She is scared of him now and it is all my fault. He wants me to tell her that he is not dangerous nor is he a pervert. He wants me to tell her that I was the one who wanted a divorce and that people fall out and in love and it is nobody's fault and neither is it creepy. He hasn't done anything wrong. He stayed faithful to me and would have stayed that way if I didn't kick him out. He asked me if I ever felt unsafe with him to make rumors about him being a stalker and a creep. I should tell the truth. I asked him to leave and that I'm starting the divorce and from now on he could only contact me once I got a lawyer through them. I have been crying since he left. We haven't seen each other for weeks and he had no feelings what so ever for me. he looked demented and full of sorrow like a broken little boy. How could he change this fast? before we separated he held me and begged me to believe him and his love for me. was it all a lie? my whole entire relationship? good night and thank you for the support. This is a throwaway and I will be deleting it soon. I just thought I would update before doing that. ​ **Reminder: I'm not the original poster.**

OP's husband is obsessed with her boss

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girl_in_red_costume

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlurrs/ops_husband_is_obsessed_with_her_boss/

zlx9cc

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAArmImpant **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!reproductive coercion, attempted assault!<   [**Fiancé tried to cut my implant out while I slept**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ijuzmk/fianc%C3%A9_tried_to_cut_my_implant_out_while_i_slept/) \- 31st August 2020 Throwaway account, because I don’t want this attached to my regular account. Anyways, I (25f) have a two year old son from a previous relationship. After I gave birth, I was asked about birth control. I said, “Yes please” and now I have Nexplanon, a birth control that gets inserted into your upper arm. I was told it lasts 3 years. Cut to now, my fiance (27m) told me he wants a baby. I said I did too, (just not now) and that I’d get my Nexplanon out after the three years are up and I won’t replace it. This wasn’t soon enough for him, he wanted me pregnant NOW. I stood firm and said I’m not ready to have another baby, I want to be a little more stabile, money wise and in general. Fiancé was mad and we got into a big argument. I brought up my son and told him my son sees him as a father figure, that we already have a child to take care of while my birth control runs its course. All of a sudden he started shouting at me, saying he wanted a baby that’s biologically his and that every time he looks at my son he gets angry. I asked him why and he told me it’s because he sees my ex in my son. (My son looks a lot like his father.) He then went on to tell me he doesn’t feel like a parental figure to my son, he has no personal attachment to him. He says it’s because my son isn’t biologically his and he resents us for this. Hence, the baby talk. He wanted my arm implant out immediately. I said no way, I’m not ready for another baby yet. We continue to argue about this until I’m finally tired and frustrated, so i say I’m done arguing and just head into our bedroom. An important fact to know is that I take medication to sleep, a pretty strong medication with a high dosage. It knocks me flat on my ass, the Sandman comes and slaps me across the face so I’m down for the count. After the argument, I take my pills and I go to bed. My fiancé was still in the living room when I fell into a deep sleep. Now another important fact, my fiancé knows where my implant is, He’s felt it under my skin, as it’s very noticeable when you’re feeling around for it. I’m sleeping when I stir slightly awake after I felt fingers on my upper arm, prodding. With my eyes still shut, I tell my fiancé to stop poking me. I assumed he was just being petty and childish because of the fight. He doesn’t stop and not five seconds after poking me, he presses down in the exact spot my Nexplanon is. At this point, I’m starting to get more alert and annoyed. I just wanted sleep and I can’t do that when I’m being jabbed. I opened my eyes to see what the hell he’s doing and ask why his finger is pressing directly on my Nexplanon. The minute I opened my eyes, I notice an object in his free hand... a box cutter, which was very close to my upper arm. Now I’m on full alert and I ask him what the fuck he’s doing. He immediately looks guilty and tries to throw excuses at me. “I was just trying to scare you”, “I was checking to make sure you were alive and it’s a coincidence I’m holding the box cutter.“ I called bullshit on every excuse and said I wanted the truth. He looked down then told me he was doing me a favor. What favor? Glad you asked. He was going to remove the Nexplanon from my arm. He said he’s studied how to do it and he’s confident he can safely remove it. He said, “we can start expanding our family now! No need to wait eight months!” I. Am. Livid. I immediately shout at him to get the fuck away from me and don’t touch me. He tries to talk to me, but I keep yelling he needs to leave, he can’t stay at our house right now because he admitted he was trying to cut into my arm, thus breaking my trust. Finally, he walked out of the bedroom and a minute later, I heard the front door open then close. It’s been three hours and he still hasn’t come back and I don’t know what to do when he does. I don’t know where we go from here. I love this man dearly but I don’t think I can forgive and forget this. I don’t know what to do. Advice please? Edit: I called my mother and she said I can stay with her, so I’m taking my son and leaving. I can’t respond to every comment, but just for a few quick questions - he’s never acted like this before. He’s always been so gentle and kind to me and my son. The argument and then the box cutter is completely new. During the fight, i hoped he was just in the heat of the moment and saying shit he doesn’t mean because he’s angry. I was hoping (naively) that he’d be back to sweet/kind the next morning and apologize for the hurtful comments and trying to overstep my boundaries. I honestly didn’t think he’d come at me with a box cutter. A lot of people are saying I should already know what to do, so I guess my “Idk what to do” should really be phrased, “has anyone had anything remotely similar to this happen to them?” I guess I might’ve also wanted reassurance that leaving is the best thing to do instead of waiting for him to come home and trying to talk it out. I love this guy deeply and it’s just hard for me to put both pieces of the puzzle together - the sweet guy I knew and the awful guy I saw tonight.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ikfcj7/update_my_ex_tried_to_cut_my_implant_out_while_i/) \- 1st September 2020 Essentially, my (now ex) fiancé did a complete 180 personality wise. Was so sweet and loving to both me and my son, until we fought about having another baby last night. He said horrible things and I was tired of fighting, so I took my Trazodone and went to bed. Woke up to him touching my arm implant birth control with a box cutter in his hand. Said he was doing me a favor, but I screamed at him to leave. I ended up leaving last night with my son to stay at my mom’s. I was confused, shocked, hurt, scared. I still am... At seven this morning, my phone started buzzing like crazy - texts, calls, voicemails. All were from him, asking me where I went and when I was coming home. I didn’t respond. I just don’t even want to look at him or talk to him again. He called my mom while we were both sitting in the kitchen discussing everything. She asked me if I wanted her to answer it. I said I just didn’t want to talk to him. My mom ended up answering and my ex was yelling, sounding panicky. He said I left with my son last night out of the blue and he’s worried, no mention of our fight. He asked when my mom last heard from me and she lied and said last night. He made a noise over the phone, like an angry sigh and said he was going to keep searching for me, that he’s worried something bad has or will happen to me and my son. When my mom hung up, she pulled me into a hug. I guess I had started crying and didn’t realize it. She was still hugging me when she asked how I wanted to proceed, if I was done with him for good. I said I was and she nodded and told me first thing was to go to the police (like a lot of you said). I didn’t have any proof about the box cutter situation - it would come down to my word versus his. If he had even knicked me a little, I’d have a case against him, but since he technically didn’t hurt me, the detective said he’s seen cases similar to mine thrown out. The officer did bring up ex partes and suggested I get one for both me and my son immediately. I went to the courthouse to get the paperwork filled out. I had to detail as much as I could remember from last night - every word and action. My mom helped me and we got them turned in and moved on to the next step - calling my landlord. I’ve been living in the same house for two years - the first year was a lease and now I pay month to month. Everything is in my name and most of the furniture is mine. I told my landlord what was briefly going on and that I was putting in my thirty day notice (my mom has a guest room that she’s insisting I stay in). After getting off the phone with him, I called the utilities and closed my accounts - water, electric, gas, internet. Next my mother asked me what I wanted to do about my belongings. I told her I don’t want to leave anything that’s mine — all important papers, knickknacks, clothes, furniture, all of it. I just didn’t know where to put it, so my mom suggested a storage unit. Once that was decided, we had to figure out when to start the move. Mom ended up calling my two brothers and they both agreed to help me move, just give them a date and time. I told them definitely sometime this week and my eldest brother suggested a police presence, just in case. Think it’s called a civil standby? Idk, but I agreed. By this point, it’s getting late in the day and I’m as drained as I can get. I just wanted to go curl up with my son and try to sort my thoughts out and calm down. The county clerk ended up calling me, telling me the judge granted my ex partes. She told me that I needed to come pick up paperwork, which had the court date on it. She also mentioned ex-fiance would soon be served and told me I don’t have to see him again until we go to court, to make the ex partes into permanent restraining orders. She suggested lawyering up, but I’m officially burnt out on today. I’ll look into lawyers tomorrow, but tonight, after this update? It’s a cuddle in bed with my son night. A couple things that I’ve seen repeated - why didn’t I leave right when ex started saying those awful things about my son. I honestly thought he didn’t mean them. He’s told my son he loves him before. Part of it was also shock, I guess. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and that I was hearing it from someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn’t think he truly had hatred in his heart and it never crossed my mind that he would hurt me or my son. He’s never even spanked my son. I just thought we needed a cooling off period, so I removed myself from the situation to take my meds and sleep, naively thinking things would be better in the morning. People also questioned why I would even bother sticking around to try to talk things out and that’s a valid question that I don’t have a rational answer to. Part of me thought I was dreaming, I think, and the other part is the side of me that thinks everything equates to being my fault, like I was too mean during the fight, too stubborn to see things his way and try to understand his feelings. Idk. It’s late. Everything feels surreal and I have this pit in my stomach that feels like dread. What if ex shows up at my mom’s house? I still haven’t returned his messages or phone calls and now he legally can’t contact me anyways. I’ve had two of my best friends call, saying ex called them. My younger brother (who I guess has always hated ex but I didn’t know that until today) said even he got a call. So far everyone is saying they don’t know anything, but I’m scared. Idk. I’m sorry. Just thought I’d update. \[UPDATE EDIT\] Update to the update - so many people offered great advice that I’d never think of myself. I’ve been kind of heavily relying on my mom to guide me through this and keep me and my son afloat. I’ve also been given several things to read, which I am absolutely going to when I have some down time. I appreciate every comment, from extremely helpful to well wishes and even the ones questioning the validity of this. To be honest and it’s a horrible cliche, but if it wasn’t happening to me, I probably wouldn’t jump to believing either. Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me and I end up sounding either very clinical in my typing, or very unnecessarily dramatic. So I get the mistrust. My update last night was written late, I was exhausted, but I wanted to let the people from my original post know — I took their advice and got out of there. My emotions have been so conflicting and chaotic, I’m surprised I was able to sound coherent, let alone like a “teenager writing fanfic”. I wish this was a fanfic. I could feel safe again. My mom has been an absolute angel and I’ve shown her some of your comments, complimenting her. And she definitely deserves it! Never once did she make me feel I couldn’t be completely honest with her, she’s reopened her house to me (even though I moved out years ago). She’s really kept the ball rolling on everything with her organization skills. She made a list and yesterday we followed that list to the letter. When I wanted to put stuff off, she’d gently remind me of what could happen if I paused. Ex could find me, hurt me, hurt my son, or anyone helping to protect me. You all are very right and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t realize just how much support I have and what a tremendous family I have. A couple people mentioned to be careful if Ex finds out where I am — and my mom and brothers already had a plan for me. They called it Round Robining - if Ex found me at mom’s, I’d flee to Eldest brother. If he finds me at Eldest brother, I’d temporarily stay with my younger brother. Really, I appreciate you all commenting that I’m doing things right and quick and how impressive it is, but that’s not my doing at all. That’s all on my family. They’re the extraordinary ones (there goes my fanfic cliches again) going above and beyond for me and my son. Some of the comments that questioned my validity remarked that it was odd that I immediately went to Reddit to see what to do/how to feel. You’re all right, that it unusual, but not for me. I grew up when LiveJournal was a big thing, writing helps me organize my thoughts and I figured this community would help me understand... and I was right! Another thing I want to address is Ex’s sudden change. I’m now wondering what to do for that. I don’t want him in my life still. But some of you mentioned a brain tumor or a psychotic break, so I’m worried. I sent Ex’s mother and father a message this morning saying I broke off the engagement and left, but both messages are still unread. I don’t know what to say to them, in regards to Ex’s health. Will they be mad for daring to say this might be a breakdown? Will they actually take him to get tests ran? And if they even tried, would he willingly go? I don’t know. I guess I need a little more advice about how to broach that. There’s more to address and I even had a consultation with a lawyer today, but I can go into that another time. I’m still processing everything. It still doesn’t feel real, it feels like a badly written teenage fanfic, to be honest. Idk. Sorry for rambling again, guys. I just wanted to let you know I’m taking notes from your helpful suggestions, that I’m not ignoring you guys. My mother took my son for ice cream and let me stay behind, which is why I decided to hop on Reddit and check on everything. One last thing, though. The AWARDS, I’m truly humbled and grateful for them. Some of them I had to click on to see what it meant and they’re all so sweet! I’m endlessly thankful for the awards, your comments, and your messages. Thank you! \[UPDATE\] When my ex was served his papers, he did not take it well. I had already blocked him on everything, but he took a picture of his paper and posted it on Facebook, with a message to me and my son. A mutually friend saw it (and that it contained my personal information) and screenshot it to let me know. After taking advice, I called the police to see if it was a break in the ex parte. They made an incident report and told me I could pick it up the next day at the police station. They didn’t arrest him. My mother had already procured me a great lawyer, “A shark, which is what we need” - in her own words. I told my lawyer about the screenshot and he immediately put in, both his appearance on my behalf, and a motion for contempt of court, for breaking the ex parte and threatening me and my son. Our original official court date isn’t until next week, but the Judge got us in early to deal with the screenshot. Ex showed up without a lawyer and I showed up with only my lawyer. Due to COVID, no extra people allowed in the court room. I really wanted my mom there with me, but my lawyer (instead of sitting on the bench at the sides, reserved for lawyers) sat by me, kept himself between me and my ex at all times. A bailiff was there as well, I guess it’s standard procedure to have one in court. My lawyer advised me to let him do all the talking, only answer questions when directed at me and answer them as succinctly as possible. Judge ended up giving Ex a warning, saying if he even mentions me or my son, he’d put him in jail 24 hours for every incident until the official court date. Ex was also ordered to pay my legal fees for the emergency session. Friday, we got mine and my son’s possessions out of the house with massive help from friends and family. I knew Ex had to work Friday and we arrived (with a police officer, just in case) an hour after Ex should’ve been at work. We left anything that he could claim as his or that we’d bought together and I didn’t care about. Most of the items went into two different storage units, from the same place. The reason we chose these storage units is they’re gated and locked at night. The items me or my son would need for everyday use went to my mom’s. Ex’s parents HAVE opened my messages now, but they still haven’t responded. Lawyer said we’re still on for official court date next week and nobody has entered their appearance yet on behalf of Ex, so we’re unsure if he has a lawyer or not. Lawyer told me it’d follow basically the same as the first hearing. It’d be a general hearing, with other people having filed their own ex partes for other people. No extras allowed in the room, face masks required. He’d keep ex away from me. No talking unless answering questions, give succinct answers unless asked to clarify. He’s confident that the ex partes will become permanent restraining orders, but he warned me its not like it is in movies. The restraining orders will go for one year, unless a box is marked saying to re-issue it every year (I marked the box). He also said for every year, Ex has the ability to appeal it and we’d have to go to court all over again. For now, I’m just... trying to keep my head above water. I’m kinda afraid because I’ve had people message me to tell me they’ve seen my post on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Some of you sleuths have even found the state I live in. I’m just hoping Ex doesn’t find any of the posts and puts two and two together. I’m sorry I haven’t responded to every comment or message and that this update is late. I’ve just been trying to keep my son’s life as normal as possible. It breaks my heart when he asks when we’re going home or where “Papa” is. He just knows we’re having a long sleepover with his Mimi. He’s loving having pets around, though. We weren’t allowed to have animals at my house, so the fact that my mom has a dog and a couple cats, he’s excited. I’ve warned his daycare about Ex. Most of my family and friends are aware there’s a serious situation, but not details. Idk. It’s been a long week. I’m exhausted. I keep looking over my shoulder and I’ve made my mom buy extra locks for the doors. Some have mentioned cameras for the outside and my mom has already started pricing some. She said her sister (my aunt) has been trying to get her to try RING for months, so this is the kick in the pants she needed. I’m sorry the update is late. Still feels surreal, but I have to just keep swimming (my son is obsessed with Finding Nemo).   [Proof of my Nexplanon implant (details redacted for my personal safety)](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAArmImpant/comments/ikw65e/proof_of_my_nexplanon_implant_details_redacted/)   [Proof of my Trazodone that I’ve been on for months. Everyone around me knows I take this for insomnia. I have never hallucinated while on this, nor am I psychotic.](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAArmImpant/comments/ikw9cw/proof_of_my_trazodone_that_ive_been_on_for_months/)   [A mutual friend sent me this — she Screenshot this from my Ex’s Snapchat Story. Had to redact the personal identifying info myself.](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAArmImpant/comments/ikwfny/a_mutual_friend_sent_me_this_she_screenshot_this/)       **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My Fiancé tried to cut my implant out while I was asleep

REPOST

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlx9cc/my_fiancé_tried_to_cut_my_implant_out_while_i_was/

zlxdq7

***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!*** **TW**: >!Sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, attempted sexual assault of a minor, child endangerment!< [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxvluw/my_thanksgiving_is_about_to_be_ruined_and_there/)**, on** r/TrueOffMyChest**, Nov 17th 2022.** **My Thanksgiving is about to be ruined and there is nothing I can do.** ​ My (37M) Wife (36F) is a survivor of sexual assault. This is something that happened to her when she was a teenager. I wont get into details but to say that it has been something she has been trying to overcome since I've known her. Well a few years ago at a family party my step brother tried to force himself on her. He has a traumatic brain injury from drugs and a car crash so he isn't quite all there. He did this in my Father and Step mothers home in their living room in full view of his biological sister. My wife pushed him away and left the room as quickly as she could. She found me and we left the party shortly after. Since then I promised her I would never put her in a position where she would have to be in the same room as this person. I explained this to my dad and he agreed with me, as my step brother has had other incidents like this in the past. Fast forward to this week where a group text between family members indicated my step brother would be attending Thanksgiving at my biological sisters house. I called my dad and reminded him that I promised my wife she wouldn't have to be near this person again and he brushed it off saying its a big house and we could just keep them apart. Literally the first thing my wife asked when she got home from work is; would this person be at thanksgiving. When i said yes but it's a big house and we can keep you apart she told me it wouldn't be a problem because she and our daughter would not be going. Gonna be honest I can't blame her at all and I support her decision. That being said I am in a tough spot of explaining why we are going to pull out of thanksgiving. I called my dad back to explain that we would not be attending and he got very defensive. He told me my wife was being childish and that it's not a big deal. In his defense I have not told him about my wife's past as I didn't want to break confidentiality, but I explained that she has her very justified reason for not wanted to be near someone who has sexually accosted her in the past. Well this turned into a heated argument. My dad doesn't think it's fair that he be put in a position where he has to tell my step mother that her son isn't welcome because then she won't want to go to thanksgiving. I told him that my step brother has a pattern of sexual misconduct with women and that I would not subject my wife to him. There were some more words back and forth but the core of it is They are going to my sisters house for Thanksgiving and it's our choice to attend or not. I feel like I'm in a no win scenario at this point. People are going to ask why we aren't coming and I am honestly not sure I even want to come up with a diplomatic answer. I don't understand why this part of my family chooses to treat this person with a pattern of sexually inappropriate behavior towards women to be near the women in our family, which includes small children who are just getting to their early teens. In the end I have to do what I feel is right regarding the safety and wellbeing of my wife and children. ​ **Comments:** >*"That being said I am in a tough spot of explaining why we are going to pull out of thanksgiving."* > >*You really aren't. He knows exactly why you won't be going. He just doesn't care to be bothered anymore. Fuck him.* > >*"I explained that she has her very justified reason for not wanted to be near someone who has sexually accosted her in the past."* > >*Even if her childhood didn't include SA she's still very justified in not wanting to be anywhere near someone who accosted her in the past. Fuck him.* > >*"I don't understand why this part of my family chooses to treat this person with a pattern of sexually inappropriate behavior towards women to be near the women in our family, which includes small children who are just getting to their early teens."* > >*You should ask them exactly that question. It's probably a snowball effect, the people who should have taken action and dealt with the son didn't want to/didn't think they could. so instead they told his victims to 'get over it, it's not a big deal' and part of them being 'over it' is convincing more people to be okay with it like they are.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxvluw/comment/iwqwun8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ >*Who needs to be diplomatic “Insert name previously sexually violated my wife in front of other family members. We will not attend any family event said person is at. Furthermore I would suggest you adopt the same mentality before your wife/daughter is sexually violated” Period.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxvluw/comment/iwr3wpw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ >*Be honest with your family when they ask why you aren't going. You don't need to talk about your wife's past in order to justify not wanting to be anywhere near someone with no impulse control and a history of sexual assault.* > >*Taking such a big stand could also prove to the rest of the family that it is a big deal that they should take more seriously and maybe that will help prevent someone else from ever having to experience sexual assault from him.* > >*Most sexual assault occurs between family and friends in part because no one wants to believe it's possible for someone they know and love to do something so horrible.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxvluw/comment/iwqq490/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ >*Your first mistake was when your father said it’s a big house and we will keep them separated. Your response should have been, “in that case, we will be unable to attend.” Your wife shouldn’t have had to make that decision.* > >*How are you in a tough spot? If people ask, be honest. You don’t need to sugarcoat anything. Speak the truth. Your wife’s past history is completely irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if it happened once or 1000x before. This is not a situation where he is innocent and she’s projecting onto him. HE actively assaulted her. That is all the justification you need.* > >*Your dad doesn’t have to relay any messages. You can text the group chat that your family will not be in attendance due to step brother’s actions. Your father has made his choice. You can make yours. They know what he has done. They don’t care or think it’s a big deal. You don’t need to further explain or argue. Stand up for your wife. Be on the right side of history.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxvluw/comment/iwqrp5s/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z5cxyy/my_father_and_stepmother_are_protecting_my_step/)**, on** r/TrueOffMyChest, Nov 26th 2022. **My father and stepmother are protecting my step brother who has a pattern of assault towards women** ​ This is an update from my previous post where my wife didn't want to be in the same house for thanksgiving as my step brother who has assaulted her in the past. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxvluw/my\_thanksgiving\_is\_about\_to\_be\_ruined\_and\_there/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxvluw/my_thanksgiving_is_about_to_be_ruined_and_there/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I am going to try and write this as straightforward as I can but I'm real heated right now so that might not happen. To begin with I want to thank everyone for their comments and support on my last post. We ended up not having Thanksgiving at my Sisters house but ended up at my Wife's cousin's house instead. A lot of people thought I should have never offered "its a big house we can keep you and him apart" as an option to my wife and you all were correct. It was breaking a promise I made to her and I have since addressed this with her and apologized. This morning I called my dad and tried to extend an olive branch after everything we had said the previous week by telling him I just put a new TV in the basement we are finishing and he should come over and watch football tomorrow. He told me that's fine but at some point he, my step mother, my wife, and I need to have an "adult" conversation because feelings were hurt. I didn't really care for the tone he said that but I am a little sensitive at this point. He then goes on to tell me that my step sisters 9 yo daughter recently had an incident with my step brother and while I didn't get all the details it sounds like it lines up with what my wife had experienced. He then tells me that this little girl didn't want to attend thanksgiving either but they told her they would keep her safe and to try and be brave. She ended up going and had a good time. My dad then made it sound like my wife had been more childish than a 9yo girl. The entire time he is telling me this my brain is going thru a level 5 meltdown. I lashed out at him saying that he didn't ask a little girl to be brave he coerced a child into facing a family member that had or attempted to sexually assault her. I told him they are insane and this is going to continue until the absolute worst happens. He told me we should be able to talk about this like adults and I told him he is not acting like an adult. I made it clear that under no circumstances would my family ever be in the same room as this person again full stop. Somehow members of my family think I'm being too harsh and I should stop being so incendiary as its only going to hurt more feelings. It seems like they are only going to give a damn when this guy completes the creepy touchy uncle cliche and actually rapes someone. I'm going to be 100% here and tell you that their feelings mean nothing compared to the safety of my wife and children. I keep being told that I need to sit down and talk to my dad and step mother about this to find a solution. I don't see a solution outside of this guy never comes near my family or I bend and force my family to be near this guy. A lot of people in my last post thought I should just go NC and I would really rather not do that as I do love my dad and step mother. I swear they aren't bad people but are doing some real heinous shit that for some reason they can't perceive as wrong. However after this last bit I'm not so sure anymore. ​ **Comments:** ​ > *You need to call CPS* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z5cxyy/comment/ixvsitq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ > *Call CPS immediately, do not let a child go through that without that bastard getting punished.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z5cxyy/comment/ixvzvy4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ >*The day will come when he SAs someone who is not family and your Dad and Stepmother will not be able to cover it up and he will end up in a jail cell.* > >*I would point out that if it then comes out that they knew that your stepbrother has a history of assaulting children/women and covered it up, and coerced his victims to me around the guy that could open them up to civil lawsuits which would wipe them out financially. No jury would ever find in their favor.* > >*Frankly, I would do a mass email to your family and rip the Bandaid off the situation. I would point out that stepbrother, , has a history of SA of 2 known victims (1 adult, 1 minor child) and who knows how many more victims there are out there. People need to know that it is not safe to have your daughters or other family members around him.* > >*Now that your Dad told you that he assaulted the 8 year old, I would report the situation to CPS. Not only was the girl assaulted but, according to what your Dad told you, the child was coerced to attend a family function with her assaulter.* > >*The key is to find a way to start getting his behavior on the record with the authorities. Unfortunately, your wife may have to talk about her experience with him.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z5cxyy/comment/ixw5zqh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >*Your father just rationalized a nine year old getting sexually assaulted but he’s a good person???? Are you fucking kidding me??* > >*I hope that little girl has someone to advocate for her cause everyone in your family is failing her right now.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z5cxyy/comment/ixvvg1r/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ >*Good people don't set the stage for rapists and child molesters.* > >*I can appreciate that you are familiar with their more redeeming qualities, but to segregate those qualities from their enabling is really nothing more than mental gymnastics. They are facilitating abuse, harassment and assault. Pacifying his victims so that he has easier access and decreasing the risk of consequences (for him, not his victims). Slice it how you like, they have made themselves culpable.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z5cxyy/comment/ixw1dot/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a repost.

OOP's father and stepmother are protecting his stepbrother who has a pattern of abuse towards women.

INCONCLUSIVE

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlxdq7/oops_father_and_stepmother_are_protecting_his/

zlyvni

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/jameswifethrowaway **in** r/adultery**.** Trigger warning: >!cheating!< Mood Spoiler: >!Honestly, I'm rooting for OP!< Link to the original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/sm08pj/anyone_else_like_me/). AP: Affair Partner D-Day: the day the person finds out their partner is cheating. Post 1: **Anyone else like me?** \- 06 February 2022 📷[**🙋‍♀️Question🙋‍♂️**](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/search?q=flair_name%3A%22%F0%9F%99%8B%E2%80%8D%E2%99%80%EF%B8%8FQuestion%F0%9F%99%8B%E2%80%8D%E2%99%82%EF%B8%8F%22&restrict_sr=1) I grew up in a religious family. Religious community. Married my husband young. He was my first and only. Had four kids. Stayed at home to raise them and did an excellent job. I was happy and thought I had a good and solid marriage. The sex was good and frequent. Until I discovered my devoted and loving husband cheated after 20 years. This was four years ago. I stayed. At first I stayed because I loved him and for our family but after learning he was still cheating something in me gradually changed. He still thinks I don't know and is compensating with gifts, getaways and attention. The truth is I don't really care anymore. And the reason I don't care anymore is because I am having an affair of my own. There I said it. The man I am involved with is younger. He is single. I know it's only sex but this man has literally awakened me! I know I am playing with fire and I am the biggest hypocrate alive. But I can't stop myself. After being with one man all my life I am starting to discover parts of me I never knew existed. And I love it! How many of you have affairs and know for a fact your wife or husband does too? [Post 2:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/srd7ou/sunday_is_a_sinners_best_day/) **Sunday is a sinners best day :)** \-- 13 February 2022 I am a wake in the middle of the night and thinking about the day ahead. The bedroom is filled with light snoring from my husband. In five hours we will wake up. He will shower and I will make eggs and coffee for breakfast. We will both eat in silence and scroll our phones. We will talk about going for Sunday mass and agree that we can skip it this Sunday pandemic and all. The noon will be spent gardening (me) and running errands (him). He will come home, change and pack his golfing gear. He goes "golfing" every Sunday my husband. What he really does is see his AP. Ofcourse he does not know that I know that. I told him I would bake peakan pie while he is gone. After he leaves I will go to my APs house. The afternoon will be filled with some bedbreaking activities. I will come home before my husband to start making dinner, spent and deliciously sore. That same evening husband will tell me all about his "golfing" while eating the pie I baked just hours ago last night while he was at his mothers 🍮. Sunday can't come fast enough. Edit: so many of you sent me messages asking how my Sunday went. Well it went according to plan. Almost. The dildo we ordered was too big so we ordered a smaller one. Should arrive just in time for our next meetup (countdown until Friday). But do not worry, we made up for it in spades with some wine and role play. Who knew I go off on being dominant 🤷. [Post 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/ssayu3/secret_credit_card_paypal/): **Secret credit card, paypal??** \-- 14 February 2022 Some advise please. My AP payes for all our fun extracurricilar activities. I would like to pitch in and contribute, equality between the sexes and all, plus I will be sticking it up his bum this Friday so I kind of feel obliged 🤷. Anyways. In my grown up regular life I always pay with my joint credit card. Closest ATM is an hour drive from home so cash is not an option. Any suggestions on how to pay my AP? Paypal? Get a new credit card or is that too risky? Love to hear how you all do it? [Post 4:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/su7hc5/a_tiny_word_of_wisdom_from_a_mom_to_her_daughter/) **A tiny word of wisdom from a mom to her daughter** \-- 16 February 2022 My oldest daughter has been dating a very nice young man for three years now. Last evening on our doggy walk she shared some thoughts on her future plans that involved marriage to this nice young gentleman. She hinted that he will propose to her soon, probably before the summer. She then went on about how proud she was that they are saving themselves for marriage unlike so many young people today that don't value this and that. Horny little devils 👿 I come from a semi religious household and community. So does my husband. We raised our family in the same spirit. Anyway, so I listened to her for the duration of our walk and even if I was not surprised at what she told me, I was quite sad that she was following in my footsteps. Once we reached our front door I could not hold in my thoughts any longer so I told her that she should not entertain the idea of marriage before she has lived with a man, popped a few of his kids and survived raising at least one toddler on a bare minimum wage and had to live through at least two libido droughts. She was laughing at this point but I was on a roll. Then I told her never to buy a car until you took it out for a testdrive and if you don't like the ride, go testdrive some more rides until you find the one that is the right fit for you. I told my daughter that what it all comes down to, marriage is the biggest investment anyone can make in a lifetime. No one is wise enough to make one until they have some good years of adult life under their belt. She was a bit confused and horrified at my response. "But look at you and dad" she told me, "you guys obviously made the right choice when you were young". Oh sweet girl, if you only knew what I would have told my younger self if that was possible. Purpose of this post. Ladies and gents, if your mother (or father) offeres you life wisdom, take it into serious consideration. They might be on to something 🙂. [Post 5:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/swb7by/when_i_take_the_reins/) **When I take the reins** \-- 19 February 2022 WARNING: contains pegging 🤣 For you loyal groupies who read my posts on here know Friday was the THE day my AP's ass got busted (and no, I am not talking about D-day). It was the day my 33 year old AP lost his ass virginity 😁. And it was AMAZING! For both of us! It was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. At first I did not know what to make of it. To say it felt strange looking at my self in the mirror, a married mother of four, strapped around the waste with a black rubber dong hanging down would be an understatement. We both laughed at first and I was even doing my first "helicopter" performance if you know what I mean. But once we got into the lube and groove of it, all I can say OH MY L\*\*D!!! The rush of being in charge of his pleasure and the rush of being in charge overall. To set the pace, to read his response. And above all, the privilege of having him put that trust in me. I have no words to describe the feeling. For the first time in my life I got a sense of what it must be to fuck like a man. And it got me thinking, if I was born a man, who would I be? After the fun was over I just had to do it. Could not help my self! I treated my lover to two doughnuts 🍩🍩🍩🍩. One you eat and one you sit on (if you know what I mean) 🤣. ​ [Post 6:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/sxqw2r/how_to_help_your_so_see_his_ap/) **How to help your SO see his AP** \-- 21 February 2022 For you who follow my posts know my husband has an AP. I have an AP. Differance is I know about his AP. He has no clue about mine. Sunday is hubbies golfing day and by golfing I mean it is his day to fornicate with his AP. And when he goes golfing, I get to see my AP. "Golfing" is his only exuse by the way (you guys diversify!!). Saturday evening we watch the news and GASP heavy rain is predicted in our area. I see hubby is not happy. Heavy rain with possible thunder = no "golfing". Enter SULK, SIGH, SULK SULK. Him: "there goes golfing I guess" followed by a loud sigh. I guess he is staying at home. What is a horny for her AP wify to do? The next morning after breakfast I tell him I have a surprise for him. I know he has been working hard lately and needs a day off to relax just on his own. I tell him I have booked him a ticket to see the new Matrix movie that he wanted to see. The nearest theater is at least one hour drive. I calculated that the movie is 2.5 h and add to that at least 2 h drive and 1 h extra so he makes it on time. Oh I also booked it at the far end of the nearest city for good measure (extra driving for him). I see his face light up. He is doing the calculations too. I can feel a pinch of guilt on his part. This nice gesture earns me a hug, puppy eyes of gratitude, kiss and some well chosen words of endearment that would make any wifes heart melt. As I watch hubby drive off, I start bruning rubber to my AP's casa. Three orgasms later I head home to start dinner and I think I must have earnt me the "wife of the year award". Now if my husband ever complains I don't meet his needs I can draw his memory back to a rainy Sunday I made sure his AP gave him a BJ. Every man should have a wife like me 😈. ​ [Post 7:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/ta4uc1/time_to_reflect/) **Time to reflect** \-- 9 March 2022 The past two weeks have been a rollercoaster and I needed some time just to breathe. So I did something I never did before. I booked myself a night at a fancy spa hotel. No hubby. No kids. No pets. No AP. Just me. I made a decision to switch my phone to airplaine mode and not give in to distractions. Treated my self to some pampering, lazed about in the bed and just let my mind wander. Had a glass of wine or two (ok four!). I started thinking about my body and how self conscious I was about my body when I was younger. How I found faults with just about everything except my boobs and my long legs (mainly cause my hubby always compliment those). It dawned on me that I viewed my body through the eyes of my husband and not myself. When I started my affair I wondered what AP thought of my body? Why was he going crazy over a body that was not in it's prime and that had birthed four big kids? Depressing I know. Apart from quick glances after coming out of the shower, have I ever really looked at my body? After finishing off my fourth glass of wine I took off my clothes, walked to the mirror and just stared. I then dragged the blankets from the bed and put them on the floor. I lay there for two hours taking in every part of my body. Every angle. I followed every curve with my gaze. And I started to cry. Tears of joy. To finally have found the courage to look at the body that has sustained me, nurtured me, given me pleasure and four beautiful children. We have gone through a lot my body and I. It never failed me. I saw a body that had the most beautiful curves and smooth skin. And let me tell you about my feet. They are perfect! Beautifully aligned toes, small and smooth. During those two hours I fell in love with myself. In those moments I realized why my AP was crazy about my body. And I also realised something very important. No matter what age, YOU ARE ALWAYS IN YOUR PRIME. In the future it won't matter what my husband or anyone else thinks about my body because I don't need to look at myself through someone elses lense anymore. I am beautiful and I know it now..FINALLY! The next day I got myself a pedi and a pair of expensive pink sandals. My feet are so worth showing off. Oddly I am developing a foot fetish for my own feet now!! 😁 So lady and gents, next time you can spare a few minutes, look at your body and take it all in! Be grateful for it. Love it. It loves you! ​ [Post 8:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/tw0i1x/high_on_life_and_ecstasy_and_lsd/) **High on life... and ecstasy and LSD** \-- 4 April 2022 Two weeks ago an opportunity presented it self and I was able to spend two days and one night with AP. Him being a DJ and a raver suggested we get high and me being the new version of myself thought why the heck not 🤪. Enter two little blue pills and a small peace of paper to lick 🥂. What I experienced was one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking moments of my life. And who better to tell then you my adulterous friends. THE GOOD I don't even know where to begin to describe the most beautiful experience I got to share with my AP. My guard was completely down and my emotions soaring. The honest heart felt conversations, the privilage to listen to the most amazing and genuine man entrust me his deepest thoughts and fears, the hightened sensations him touching my skin and making love. Feeling every inch of him in my body, breathing in his smell and taking in his moans. Deeply looking in his eyes, listening to his heartbeat. Closely watching his tatoos come to life (thanks LSD) and admiering his beautiful body. Being fully present with another being heart, body and soul. This day will forever be engrained in my memory as one of the most beautiful and intimate moments of my life. For the record, I was able to orgasm which I was told is unusual when high on E and LSD and let me tell you. I almost faited 🤩. Oh and one of the funniest things. I went to the bathroom and when I came back AP was deep in a philosophical conversation WITH HIS CAT. 😂😂 Now I know why he named him Socrates. THE BAD It was there nagging me at the back of my head and it just came crashing down. Coming to the realisation that what I shared with my AP that day I will never share with my husband. After his affair came to light years ago things between us changed. I could never pin down what for sure, just that something was missing. And now I know. What I lost in my marriage is the ability to be vulnerable with my husband and that things between us will never be what they once were. This realisation hit me in the shower. This heartwrenching sob erupted out of the blue. I could hardly breathe. My AP didn't question me. It's almost as if he was waiting for this moment. He just rinsed me off, dried me off and held me in his arms. "Let it all out. I got you. You are safe with me" he told me. And I did. In that moment I let out the pain I had been holding since finding out about my husbands affair. I cried and cried before but never like this. That day, the happiest and the saddest day of my life, I came to realise that 1. There are beautiful things in life and beautiful people to share them with. 2. My marriage is no longer serving me or meeting my needs. AFTERMATH I have been feeling down lately. There is a decision to be made. My husband senses something is not right. He keeps randomly hugging and kissing me, doing more things around the house. I just feel numb and am in a bit of a funk. Who knew drugs would have the ability to unlock some hard truths about my life that I was afraid to face. And saddest truth of them all that is about to turn my life upside down. I have fallen out of love with my husband and I don't want to reconsile anymore. [Post 9:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/u1a7wv/my_husbands_ap/) **My husbands AP** \-- 11 April 2022 Is a single younger lady. She has been in my husbands life for five years and counting. One thing I don't understand and I would like some insight into is this... Maybe some of you single APs could answer this one. Ever since they got caught years back she is stalking my social media. Even more crazy is that she has changed her clothing to match mine (I have a particular style). She colored her hair and cut it like mine. Even took on a hobby I am into. It's creepy. Any insight into why she would do this? We have mutual friends. One of them know of the affair. She said AP loves loves loves kids and talks about getting married and starting her own family. But she is close to 40 I think and the clock is ticking. Why is she wasting her prime years on a man that is a cake eater? This situation makes me uneasy. On one hand she is an adult and can make her own choices BUT I must admit this situation makes me angry at my husband. I mean to obviously lie and string her along when he should a) leave me for her or b) let her go. My AP is younger than me and I know I will let him go one day soon so he can find a more suitable woman he can settle down with and have kids of his own. That to me is selfless. But what my husband is doing to his AP is selfish beyond words. I know I know, maybe some of you think I should place anger on her too. I mean she is the other woman. But from a woman to a woman, I feel sorry for her. No man is worth giving up years of your life and live on HOPE. This really made me think if I should let hubby known I know of his affair just to push him off the fence. I mean, I am fine if we divorce. I am fine if we don't. He strung this woman along for years and let me tell you my hubby is both charming and handsome. At least he should grow some balls and make a decision to be with her or let her go. It is obvious she is in love with him. My husband on the other hand... I highly doubt his feelings for her are as strong. Any insight? Advice? This has been nagging me for days now. 🤷 ​ **Reminder: I'm not the original poster.** I'll post the part II asap!

OP starts cheating after finding out that her husband never stopped seeing his affair partner -- Part I

ONGOING

girl_in_red_costume

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlyvni/op_starts_cheating_after_finding_out_that_her/

zlyxal

** I am not OP. Original post by u/diabolicsecrets on r/entitledparents ** [Entitled dad breaks my leg because I continuously blocked his son from scoring](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously) 12/3/22 We had a volleyball tournament, for reference I’m a Middle Blocker, 6’5 and a vert of 70cm. Game starts and everything goes good, eventually entitled dads kid gets subbed in because his team wasn’t scoring, and apparently he’s a star player. I blocked every hit he went for and his dad started to get visibly angry, starting to shout at me and stuff as well. After the game ended we won and I blocked nearly EVERY shot from this guy. The entitled dad came to me asking what my problem is and stuff, I said “sorry man, it’s my job.” He started laughing and stomped on my shin. It’s broken and I’m currently in hospital writing this story and the dad should hopefully end up in jail. Also planning on suing for permanent damages (doctor says I may not be able to play volleyball ever again, and I got a college offer…) [An update with a lot of hope!!!!](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbj7ru/an_update_with_a_lot_of_hope/) Later that evening 12/3/22 So, it seems my friend was recording my volleyball match so I can reflect on what to improve on, and caught everything the guy did. My dad talked with his lawyer friends, and while I can make a post like this, no video is allowed to be published until AFTER the case. I will post the video once the lawyer gives me the clear. In terms of suing, I’m able to sue him for everything I’ve lost because of this, and that since I had video proof I will be able to easily press charges and will win the case. I appreciate all the love and support from you guys. I will keep updating on how the case goes and make sure the lawyer proof reads everything to make sure it won’t impact my case negatively. Thank you everyone and keep tuned. I can’t wait to publish this video. [Another update!! Even more good news!](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbsqj0/another_update_even_more_good_news/) 12/4/22 It’s now business time and the lawyers have started work, they contacted police for footage and such, and were able to identify the man. Currently processing the lawsuit. In Australia I was told it’s much quicker and easier. Thanks for your advice also guys - I have contacted the college which offered a scholarship and now awaiting a reply from them. I will be bedridden for awhile but I’m drinking my milk and eating healthy for a speedy recovery!! My lawyer has informed me that publishing any videos online regarding the situation will be used against me in court, so I hope you guys can wait until after to see the brutal video. I need some rest now, I really appreciate all your guys lovely messages and advice because it’s helping me get through a tough time now. [UPDATE Entitled Dad wants to settle outside of court](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zcjhrq/update_entitled_dad_wants_to_settle_outside_of/) 12/5/22 He has agreed to pay everything, as long as it’s not taken to court. My lawyer told me I can take this to court, he gets a criminal record, goes to jail and will still pay everything, or I can take the high road and just settle this outside of court. I’m thinking about it but I think someone who was ready to ruin my future should have a taste of his own medicine. My shin is actually healing and I had another scan this morning. Doctors are saying recovery is going good and potentially I’ll be able to play again. My hopes are high. The school that I versed has apologised to me and has said they will cooperate to the best of their ability. The son of the entitled dad has since been expelled from school and blacklisted from partner private schools. I want to thank everyone for all the support you guys have given me. It’s really helped especially after the mental toll that I had to put up with after being told volleyball may potentially not be something I can pursue. I’m hoping my recovery is fast and I can jump back into it!!! Thank you to everyone that’s supported me, much love to you all!! [Last Update for awhile Entitled Dad will go to court!](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zdh2o8/last_update_for_awhile_entitled_dad_will_go_to/) 12/6/22 I will be taking entitled dad to court. I can’t say which charges but I’m sure we all know. I’ve decided “taking the high road” isn’t what I should do in this case, what he’s attempted to do to me is disgustingly evil, and I’m sure he’s done OR will do worse to other kids, so in order for him to learn, while protecting the community, a court case is needed. In Australia a court case starts within 6 months. There’s no need for me to regularly update anymore but I will update as stuff progresses, and if anything major happens I’ll make sure to update you guys. Also, I can’t really be descriptive as it may hurt the case, but when the doctor redid the scans he saw my shin wasn’t AS badly injured than initially thought. I will be able to play volleyball again (best news I’ve heard in forever). College got back to me and are happy to delay my scholarship (really good news for me). Not sure how long the court case will take so I don’t really have much to update anymore, but I’ll try to answer as much as possible in the comments. I appreciate all your support, and I hope the case goes as fast and as smooth as possible. After the court case I will have all rights to publish the video so I will definitely post that. Thank you everyone for your love and support!! ETA There have been some comments saying OOP didn't sound Australian and some of the details didn't match up. It is definitely a possibility that the story is fake, but I'm providing some of OOP's comments for context below. First, the fast timeline: I think the first post was on a Sunday. The second was that evening with the next either early Monday morning or later that day. Once it was a business day, I guess his dad was able to consult a lawyer and the EP dad offered to settle. It was a day or two later that he said they were going to go to court. It is a fast timeline, to be sure, but Reddit just says how many days ago a post was, so it's hard to be more accurate. Next, many people are talking about how he doesn't get to decide about criminal charges. I think he was confusing the civil court with criminal sometimes. Again, could be another indicator it's fake. Third, people were mentioning the quick "healing." OOP clarified that it's not healed, but doctor said it was doing better than expected, or maybe less severe. He said in a comment the bone didn't puncture the skin. Finally the university vs college distinction. I did find the comments where OOP says he was going to an American college on scholarship and they were paying to move him there. Additional comments for context below: [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zey2mc/major_update_court_process_is_complete_case_date/iz90ji3) >Sorry I meant: My shin should recover within 4-7 months, and I'll be back on the court after some physiotherapy!! [Redditor](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zcjhrq/update_entitled_dad_wants_to_settle_outside_of/iywzgfv) >Press charges. People trying to use money to avoid facing full consequences of their actions don't learn. They just throw money at problems rather than reflect on their behavior that caused the problem in the first place. Next time he might hurt someone worse, this is a chance to change that next time. Kinda feel bad for his kid though, unless he also did something. [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zcjhrq/update_entitled_dad_wants_to_settle_outside_of/iywzxqr) >Well the kid was rude to me but I didn’t include it because it wasn’t relevant. But I agree losing your private school is a bit sad for your crazy dads actions. I’ll definitely take him to court so to protect the community [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbsqj0/another_update_even_more_good_news/iysy51s) >And also, everyone telling me I’m lying, please just wait until I can publish the video. I wish I was making up some story because the situation I’m in is heartbreaking and potentially my future has been ruined because some dad couldn’t control his fumes. >Some asked why the star player wasn’t starting, to answer: The team has 2 star players. They rotate through subs to make sure both players aren’t tired and risking injury. I should’ve specified this but I was still stressed out in pain while writing. >I’m hoping the university understands my situation and doesn’t withhold my fully paid scholarship, because I’m genuinely really good (not to sound narcissistic) and I definitely had a future in volleyball. >Why was he able to do this to me? Everyone went to locker rooms, I was still on the court, relieved that I was able to carry the game (we were all expecting to lose but my blocks saved us so many times), so I took a moment to take it in and he came up to me. I didn’t expect it or I would’ve held my guard, normally in Australia people don’t do crazy stuff like this. >Again I’m sorry for not specifying as much as I could have. I’m going to rest now knowing that lawyers and police are working. [Reddito](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/iyrgjcg) >Sorry for a dumb unrelated question. I’m just curious. >As an Australian or any non American for that matter, when you get a sports scholarship to play at an American university, do they help pay to relocate you? [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/iyrgjcg) >Yes, they pay for flights, and the place I will live in, which I assume will be a dorm. [Redditor](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/iyqenzz) >Definitely press charges (which country is this in btw). >Also: wow, when I read the title I thought this was hockey or rugby or some other form of contact sport, but volleyball? That makes the dad doubly insane. >I just feel sad for his kid. Hope he doesn't turn out the same. >And I hope fervently that you regain full control & strength in your leg as soon as possible! [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/iyqmlux) >Australia, I got accepted to a US college cause I play really well, so depressing. [Redditor](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/iyqkz3h) >Sounds like Grevious Bodily Harm. If in Queensland Maximum penalty is 14 Years or Life in Prison depending on if it is proven to be an intentional act. Police will be keen to hear from you. You can get a tax free recognition payment from the Government. Basically a grant because you were a victim. If you win in court you must repay this. >They can also pay for physio and counseling. >Best of luck. >(I'm not a lawyer. I've been through this myself) [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/iyqmn85) >In New South Wales. Hope the outcome can be the same. [Redditor](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/iyr0ozy) >I wouldn't really think being on a college volleyball team is as prestigious as you're making it out to be, but then again maybe volleyball is a bigger deal in the AU than I realize. [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/zbceie/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/iyr2pw2) >Volleyball is not that popular in Australia. But it is very popular in the US. I got an offer with all my expenses paid off (a full scholarship I think it’s called) because I’m really skilful. My dad got me into volleyball at the young age of 5 and I had natural talent. I’ve been actively playing and practicing since I was 5 year old. That’s 13 years. I had a chance of doing what I enjoyed because some guy couldn’t handle his kid being blocked by me it’s so depressing that I will most likely not be able to enjoy the life I was destined to have. I’m really hoping everyday that I’m strong enough and make a full recovery to the point I can start playing again but at this point doctors are saying it’s unlikely. ** Reminder: I am not the Original Poster. **

Entitled dad breaks OOP's leg after volleyball tourney

ONGOING

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlyxal/entitled_dad_breaks_oops_leg_after_volleyball/

zlz7w5

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/just-a-big-brother in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for exposing my parents' favoritism**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qhedvt/aita_for_exposing_my_parents_favoritism/) - 28 October 2021 My parents have always favored my younger brother. I was by no means unloved. But it was blatantly obvious who they cared about more. I worked a part time job to get my first car, but my brother got one as a present. It wasn't new, but was much newer than my car. It was the same with just about anything else, like clothes, video games and cell phones. I'm 18 and am taking a gap year before community college to work a full time job and save money for tuition. But a while back I heard my parents talking about how much they were going to pay for my brother's tuition. I secretly recorded the conversation from around the corner and then came out asking my parents why they were gonna pay for my brother's college, but not mine. They didn't notice my phone was recording and just said that my brother needs more help. I asked how so when I wasn't getting any sort of scholarship, and he likely wouldn't either. Then I asked a few more questions about why things have always been this way. They got mad and my father told me that perhaps it's time I moved out because they are sick of keeping a roof over my head. I pointed out I pay rent. But they didn't care. I left the room and in a fit of rage uploaded the video to two different social medias I have and ranted about how this is how my parents have always been. Well a few hours my parents were pounding at my door. My dad was screaming at me about how I made them look bad. We fought some more and they left the room fuming. My grandparents contacted me later and said they were appalled, then came to visit with a lot of the family the next day. There was a huge family intervention and my parents were made to sit on the couch and look at their feet while being told off. It was then I found out they'd been receiving money for years from my grandparents to help with family expenses. My brother looked like he didn't know what to do. So he sided with the rest of the family and said he's noticed how I'm treated as well. My parents gave me a huge apology that sounded forced. My grandparents have offered that I come live with them soon and will cut off the monthly payments to my parents, my father told me I should have never told the rest of the family and now won't talk to me, and my mother has been crying for days. So I'm starting to wonder if I went to far. So AITA for exposing my parents favoritism? Verdict: NTA   [**Update AITA for exposing my parents' favoritism**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qkqef4/update_aita_for_exposing_my_parents_favoritism/) - 1 November 2021 I decided to go ahead and call my grandparents to accept their offer to move in. During the phone call I asked them why there was monthly payments being sent to my parents. Turns out my parents were living beyond their means for a while because my mother quit her job to be a full time stay at home mom. My grandparents decided to help out by sending them money monthly to help with my parents mortgage and also to set aside some of that money for college savings for both my brother and I that was to be split evenly. Turns out my parents only planned to put that savings towards my brother's college. And that's also how they bought his car as well. So from now on my parents are now on their own financially. Likely my mother will have to go back to work to help my dad keep up the mortgage. I confronted my parents and asked why they've always treated my brother as the favorite. Then asked if there was something I needed to know. Turns out there was...**NOTHING**! Literally nothing! I'm not an affair baby. Not even an unplanned pregnancy! They just liked my brother more! I was mad as hell and we argued a lot before I left the room because I'd had enough. My grandparents showed up on Saturday with a moving truck. My parents were floored when we started bringing in boxes to pack. My father got in our way and I reminded him how he said that I should move out, so I am. My mother cried some more and said that my father was just angry in the moment when he said that, and they had been counting on my rent money to help with my brother's college fund. I asked if that meant he would never have had to pay rent like I did when he turns 18. My father then said that since I was taking a gap year to work, then my rent money could have helped my brother. Which means they never intended for him to get a job while going to college. My grandpa was enraged and confronted my father, saying he raised him better than this. He chewed him out saying he's never been more disappointed in him, and they will no longer receive any more financial support. Then said he'd disown them both if they ever tried to retaliate against me for exposing them. My father backed down and neither he or my mother said another word to me. I had a bit of an awkward conversation with my brother as we said our goodbyes to each other. And that was it. I just got in my car, waved and drove off. I'm now fully moved into my new room at my grandparents' house. It's a little smaller, but nice. And my grandparents are very welcoming. I'm going to keep working hard to move forward from here and I appreciate everyone's support.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for exposing my parents' favoritism

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlz7w5/aita_for_exposing_my_parents_favoritism/

zlz95a

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by now deleted user in r/trueoffmychest. TW - >!cheating, revenge cheating!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yu57se/im_leaving_my_husband_for_his_brother/) (13 Nov 22) **I’m leaving my husband for his brother** My husband (27 M) and I (25 F) have been married 3 years. We don’t have any kids together but we had been talking about it and was planning to conceive in the next 5 years. We met through work and shared the same workplace up until around 2 years ago. He had a change in career path and I got promoted. Two months ago he had a work night out and I was invited to go with him. We had a meal and went to a nice bar afterwards in the city. During the meal I noticed him looking at a very pretty woman who looked a bit younger then me. When we got home I asked him about her and he said she was his assistant. I didn’t suspect him of cheating because our relationship was perfect. We have plenty of s*x and we are super comfortable together and if either of us had a problem we would bring it up and discuss it. Ever since the night out he has been constantly away on business and I have been suspicious. I decided to ring his boss a day after he went away on business for a week. His boss told me he was working a few hours away in a big city and his assistant went with him. I messaged my sister and asked if she fancied a girls weekend and as soon as we got there I decided to look at his assistants instagram. She posted a boomerang and tagged her hotel. After a lot of research I found that there were several bars surrounding the hotel but I decided to go to the hotel bar itself. I explained to my sister the situation and she was fully supportive and was annoyed at my husband for going on business alone with his assistant. We stayed at the bar for a few hours and it got to about 2:40 in the morning when he walked in with his assistant under his arm. He then kissed her unaware I was watching. My sister looked so angry and began to storm over. I then grabbed her and took her out of the hotel. We went home the next morning and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted revenge so I was going to message his family about what I saw. I called my friend who is a divorce lawyer and we are trying to sort something out. I decided the best person to message was his brother. He is super attractive and nice and when I told him about it he told me I needed better then him and was basically slating my husband with him. He came round to the house and I’m not gonna go into detail but one thing lead to another and we had the best sex ever. Now I’m going to divorce my husband for his brother. Also you can all hate as much as you want but I think I’m a bad*\ss. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yujao3/im_leaving_my_husband_for_his_brother_update/) (14 Nov 22) **I’m leaving my husband for his brother UPDATE** Hi all, so I just wanted to come on here and clear a few things up. This update isn’t going to cover a lot of the events and the next update will probably be Friday night/Saturday morning. However I’ve got a lot of hate for things I haven’t really clarified and I just wanted to explain these things. So a lot of you guys are saying I ruined their relationship which isn’t true whatsoever. My husband and his brother are not close and haven’t ever been. They grew up in two different households. My husband has two brothers so his older brother and his younger brother lived with their dad whilst my husband lived with his grandma. Also a lot of you guys are saying I’m using his brother in my emotional state. Me and his brother have discussed what we want and we have decided we only want sex and if we end up catching feelings and in a relationship so be it. The third thing I wanted to point out is that until the divorce is finalised I’m moving in with my mother. Im not going to tell him I’m moving out but he gets back from his business trip Friday morning (hence why my update will be later this week) and when he gets back he’ll find an empty apartment and two envelopes. One envelope will contain the pictures I got from the hotel of them kissing and the other with divorce papers. As soon as the divorce is finalised I will find a place of my own and just focus on myself and maybe go to therapy. The last thing I wanted to say is that I know how bad my actions seem and I look like a horrible person. I do believe I acted out of pettiness and broken heart and I am sorry to anyone who has been hurt by my actions. However I’m grateful for all the support I’ve received. You guys are helping me through this ❤️❤️ [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yz7u82/im_leaving_my_husband_for_his_brother_update_3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (19 Nov 22) **I’m leaving my husband for his brother UPDATE 3** Hi everyone, first of all I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who waited for this update and I’m sorry for the lateness it been a really dramatic and stressful few days. I’m at my mothers house right now and all of my stuff is here. On Thursday night I put the two envelopes on the counter (one of divorce papers, other of the hotel pictures) and I left a bottle of wine for him. I then packed my stuff and up until Friday night it was really peaceful. However when he got home, my phone started blowing up. I was receiving messages from my husband and his mum calling me a bitch and weak. He rang me and I wasn’t answering so he left a voice mail saying I was a weak slag who can’t handle my husband going out and “exercising”. At this point I was genuinely laughing because I thought it was funny how he was trying to impersonate Andrew tate. I turned my phone off and it’s really important to know that I was home alone as my mum and sister were both at work. I started hearing pounding on the door and I knew it was him. He was thudding his shoulder all up against the door and I felt sick. I called the police and told them my crazy ex husband was trying to break in. By the time they got here he had already left and I’m going to file for a restraining order. I just can’t believe this all happened in one night. I sent his brother round to the house to collect a few things I had forgotten when my husband wasn’t in this morning and he’s just got back. Apparently everything was smashed and there was beer cans everywhere. I’m so glad that I’ve gotten out of this horrible relationship. Also thank you so much for all the support and the people who were messaging me. I also wish the worst to the assholes who messaged me saying they hope I get cancer and die. Thank you ❤️ **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - I’m leaving my husband for his brother.

INCONCLUSIVE

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlz95a/oop_im_leaving_my_husband_for_his_brother/

zlzcnj

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** [u/jameswifethrowaway](https://www.reddit.com/u/jameswifethrowaway/) **in** [r/adultery](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/)\*\*.\*\* Trigger warning: >!cheating!< Mood Spoiler: >!Honestly, I'm rooting for OP!< AP: Affair Partner D-Day: the day the person finds out their partner is cheating. [Post 10:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/u6aynt/my_lovers_scent_drives_me_wild/) **My lovers scent drives me wild** \-- 18 April 2022 For as long as I can remember I have had a heightened sense of smell. It is one of the reasons why I love having so many plants and flowers in my home. I also love the smell of tee. Not to drink but the smell of dry tee is the best. One of the early red flags that my husband was cheating was through his scent. He just smelled off. It is sp strange to explain. I even washed his clothes trying to wash off that odour and was beginning to think he was sick or something. After his affair got discovered and we started the reconciliation process I could easily sense when he started cheating again by this smell. Isn't that strange? I never told him this so I keep it in my back pocket. No matter how good his OSPEC is, he can't hide guilt 😂😂. My lovers scent drives me absolutely wild. I recall the first time I sensed it. We were driving in his car long before we started anything. It was a hot day and he rolled down his windows and I picked up his scent through the draft. I remember inhaling deep just to memorize his 'male' smell with a mixture of wood and soap. I remember feeling embarrassed and guilty for how turned on I was by him. That short ride I fantasised of him putting his hand on my knee and slowly pulling it higher up my thigh. I masturbated many times recalling that day. Even now I can't wait to hug him just to inhale the smell of his neck. After sex I love putting my head on his cheat and just breath him in while he is still sweaty. I am so in lust I can't even imagine feeling this way again for someone else. If only I could tap his scent into a bottle I would store it and use it to get off when I am in my 80's 🤣🤣. Haha. Now I am a pervert too. 😁 ​ [Post 11:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/u7uz9x/what_i_see_when_i_look_at_you/) **What I see when I look at you** \-- 20 April 2022 My lover asked me a question the other day. What do I see when I look at him? He felt unsure about why a woman like me would be interested in a man like him. His perspective: a man who does not do well in relationships. Who failed to get a higher education. Who lived with his dad until late 20's. Who worked odd jobs here and there without any direction for most of his life. Who prioritised having fun over "real life". A man with no substantial wealth. No wife. No kids. My perspective: my lover is unique in every way, from the way he dresses to the way he lives. Who followes his heart and not the mainstream mass. A kind man who deeply cares for the people he loves. Someone who is not afraid to try and fail. Someone who is passionate about the things he loves. A man that is not afraid to walk away when things don't feel right. My lover is a man that appreciates simple life. That does not worry about the lates phone models or cars. A man who you can count on. A man with integrity. He is by no means rich. But he is wealthy in all the ways that matter. A woman will one day be lucky to call this man hers. That kind of sums it all up! [Post 12:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/uizm3r/i_know_what_i_want_now/) **I know what I want now** \-- 5 May 2022 For the past few months I have been toying with the idea of an open marriage. I read up about it to know that it takes more trust to be open compared to being closed. So that is out of the window for my husband and me. Not that he would agree to it. He is not into sharing. Anyway... But then something very interesting happend. Over the weekend we had a family reunion of sorts. It was the first time my mom and dad were in the same room since their divorce. My dad left my mom for another woman when she hit menopause. My mom has found love again in the most amazing man. My dad is single. As long as I can remember my mom always catered to my dad. She was always going out of her way to make his life comfortable and she invested a great deal into her marriage and family. To say that she was heartbroken when my dad left is an understatement. I noticed that I carried the same dynamic into my marriage. My husbands needs almost always came ahead of mine. I feel like a wife appliance more than an equal partner. And I see how I have contributed to that dynamic 😟. So during this reunion I noticed something funny. My mom, who while she was married to my dad always was on her feet cooking, fetching stuff or whatnot was sitting a lot of the time. Her SO and she would cater to eachother rather equally. Both of them had the time to enjoy talking to family, not just one of them. The way her SO was touching her back, holding her hand and smiling when she was talking, paying attention to her, filling ger glass of wine... The banter between these two 70-80+ year olds was amazing and beautiful to watch. And it hit me. My mom is happy. I think she has found the love of her life at the ripe age of 70. And she found someone who trully sees her and appreciates her. So these two lovebrids have kind of made me change my mind about an open marriage and what I want in a relationship going forward. So here it is. I want a full relationship. Monogamy and all. The thought of sharing my husband does not bother me, but the thought of sharing AP does. Open marriage and sharing is not for me. I want a man who appreciates me for me and not for what I can do for him. And I have sadly came to the realisation that this is not something I want to have with my husband 😟. So my friends, I will stew this over the summer but after the summer and all thr kids out of the nest, I have decided to pull the plug on my marriage. It's scary. Exiting. And everything in between. Now I start getting my ducks in a line... Wish me luck ❤️ [Post 13:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/ukawu3/threesomes/) **threesomes** \-- 7 May 2022 A fantasy of mine! Friday night. A married woman walks into the bar with her AP. They have a glass of wine. They talk. They laugh. They flirt. One table down the woman sees another woman watching them. She is dressed in a sexy black dress. The two woman make eye contact and it's on from there. She walkes up to the sexy woman dressed in black, offers to buy her a drink and asks her to join her AP and her. She does. Two more glasses of wine and three coctails later the party of three leave the bar and take a taxi to AP's house. It turns out the woman has a thing for watching people fuck. She sat on the couch and watched me and AP fuck. Just too bad I never got to fuck her. I always wondered how a womans pussy tasts like 😋. Oh well.. Next time I suppose 🙂 Now how does one go about to make this happend IRL? [Post 14:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/urlizy/bitch_boots_are_staying_on/) **Bitch boots are staying on** \-- 17 May 2022 Before embarking on my affair journey I was a timid creature. Passive even. Since starting my affair I have become more asserive and dare I say dominant. My AP loves this side of me in the bedroom. He told me I must have been a general in my previous life 🤣. Quite frankly I love it too. What I did not anticipate is how this characteristic has manifested itself in my real life. Before the affair, if I wanted my husband to, let say, cut the grass I would frame it like "Sweetheart, when you find time today, would be great if you could cut the grass.Thanks". Since the affair I am way more direct. Like "XXX, I expect you to cut the grass today. Do it before you need to drive the kids to XYZ". Even my husband has noticed my new persona. He told me the other day "You are very bossy lately". 😁 I must say I find this forward cutting the bullship type of communication so liberating. This affairing bussiness is turning me into a brand new woman and I love it 🤩. Anyone relate? Edit: sorry for grammar. On the phone and typing in a hurry. [Post 15:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/v4o1or/things_are_getting_out_of_hand/) **things are getting out of hand** \-- 4 June 2022 I don't know what to make of this. My husband has done a complete flip. He is home more, helps out more around the house, pays interest, compliments me, makes plans for us to spend time. More affectionate. More open sharing his thoughts and feelings. He started speaking to a therapist a few months ago. Last night he asked me to return to MC. No more golfing for him. I think he and AP broke up. This makes it hard for me to see my AP. And I miss him. But don't want to take risks meeting him. But I so desperatly want to just hug him and talk to him. Laugh with him and just let my guard down. To top it all off, two weeks ago he said he needed to be honest and tell me he was finding this whole arrangement hard because he has strong feelings for me. I kinf of frozw and said we needed a breather and take a step back. The last thing I need now is another layer to this situation. But I really really miss him and hope he is doing ok. I find myself faking it around my husband and it is wearing me down. I am making up exuses to get out of the house and for not wanting to have sex. It's hard to fake it all when in my heart of hearts I know I am done with this relationship. No MC in the world will make me change my mind. All the efforts my husband is putting in now are just a little to late for me. This past month I reached one of my financial goals and am one step closer to ending my marriage. I think for my sanity I will need to pull the plug soon. Talked to a few lawyers already and need to go with one. Ugh! I am sitting in my car in my garage and just want out of this situation. When you are done you are DONE. Sorry. Just a bit depressed and needed to vent. [Post 16:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/v69nde/just_fired_my_therapist/) **just fired my therapist** \-- 6 June 2022 Well if things are not complicated enough I just kind of fired my therapist. She has been my safe haven going back five years and has helped me to gradually detach from my husband and put more energy into me. Or so I thought! I used to love her advise but just this past week a light went on in my head... So I told her about my own affair. I thought for sure she would scold the living hell out of me but nope... No critical questions. Just.... Validation? And BOOM I had the realisation this woman was not challenging me. Like at all. She was just validating all the bullshit I bring to her. So yeah! How could I have missed this for 5 years? For 170 dollars an hour I don't need a parrot nodding to whatever I say. I need a therapist that will challenge me, question me, put me on the spot, make me sweat in my seat. If I needed someone to just nodd, not judge and ask follow up question I could just pay for dinner and drinks and confide in a friend. Would have been cheaper! 🤣 Why is it so hard to find a therapist??? [Post 17:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/vne8oy/what_is_love_anyway/) **What is love anyway?** \-- 29 June 2022 'I am in love with you. I love you. This is not healthy for me or for us and I can't do this anymore like this''. The words I have dreaded hearing ever since starting this affairing bussiness with this man. He told me last night that he loves me and called it quits and I am falling apart. I always knew I fell deeply in lust with him. But love? Never dared to go there. But feeling what I feel now I am a fool to think I did not fall for this man. I often think could I do this affair thing with any man I find attractive? Nope. Only him. And he deserves more than being a dirty little secret. He deserves someone without the divorce baggage that will come with me. And I have to be stront to let him go. Tomorrow is the day I will sit my husband down and have the big talk about ending our marriage (wish me luck you guys). [Post 18:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/x1hksx/ducks_were_all_lined_up_and_then/) **Ducks were all lined up and then...** \-- 30 August 2022 For all of you that follow my affair saga know that my husband has/(had?) an AP. After he took his affair underground I started my own. I knew about his affair but he does not know about mine. After some soul searching I realized that I deserved so much more than a cakeeating husband. So I started to make an exit plan that was to be initiated this summer. So at this point I have a brand new apartment lined up (thanks step dad), my bussiness is doing great, my own bank account, credit cards, emergency bag packed etc. All that was left was the "talk". I spent weeks preparing my speach and imagining all the ways it could go. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. But then it all went better than planned 🙂. Three weeks ago, Tuesday morning, my husbands AP showed up at my house to once and for all tell me woman to woman "what kind of man I am married to". She spelled the beans and then some. It did not put my dear husband in a nice light to say the least. She was shocked that I was so calm. I didn't even ask any questions just smiled, frowned and nodded. "You don't have anything to say?" She asked over and over. She thought her confession would make me go nuts. "Nope, I know most of it and it's enough". My husband got the wind of this little stunt and raced home. His face turned white when he saw his AP in front of our house. He got her to leave and then just sat there on the front steps of our house rocking back and forth for like an hour. I think he was the one in shock. I collected some of my things, took my already packed bag and drove off to my moms. That evening my husbad called. He did not have many words just tears. Asked if there was anything to be done to save us? Said that he was "sorry" over and over and over. Asked what he can do to make amends. So I told him to agree to an amicable divorce. No fuss. 50/50 split and some other conditions. He started crying again. And not long after that phone call, the pleading started. He engaged the whole family (his side). Even our church leader. But nope! Not gonna budge. I must admit it is mentally draining but I feel calm and at peace. Just sad that my marriage had to end like this. We really did have it all, my husband and I. I need to learn to put "soon to be ex" next to "husband". ​ [Post 19:](https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/xtjz82/the_kids_are_not_ok/) **the kids are not ok** \-- 2 October 2022 I separated from my husband 2 months ago. His AP showed up at our house and it all went to shit after that. One thing that is really bothering me is our kids. Late teens to early 20's. They know my husband had an affair some years back and now thanks to husbands AP's stunt they know the affair went underground. They (hubby included) don't know about my own affair and the role the affair played in my decision to end the marriage. Kids believe my decision to divorce is soly based on my husbands affair. That is partly true but not fully. The issue is that all of my four kids are beyond hurt and dissapointed at their dad. Only one speaks to him. The rest refuse to have anything to do with him. They call him disgusting, a dissapointment, morally corrupt, fuckup and much much more! My husband is beyond sad and remorseful for the ending of our marriage and how the kids treat him. He has lost weight and lookes really bad. And I feel so guilty and such shame for keeping this huge secret from them all (my own affair) . I don't want my kids to hate their dad. They have a right to their feelings but I feel somehow responsible for this fallout. I also feel stuck in the middle between my husband and kids. They all vent their frustrations to me and I feel like such a fake. I know 2 months is a short time to process this life chaning event. But some days I just want to set the record straight and deal with the consequenses. My husband has hurt me so much, but I don't have the heart to see him so broken. But yet I still keep quiet. I feel like a coward. I am a coward. This is so hard. Don't know if I am asking for advice or just venting. Maybe just venting. I am not ready to hear any advice! ❤️ **Comments from OP:** "I know in my heart what is the right thing to do. Covering my own ass vs owning up to my part. I just need to gather my thoughts and do it with at least amount of collateral damage. I need to tell my husband first I suppose but I don't want to have to face questions from him about who my AP is, the extent of our affair and all the details. I know for a fact he will start digging and I just don't want my exAP to suffer. I broke up with him so he does not get dragged trough the drama. My children too would likely want to know who my exAP was. Also I think the knowledge of my own affair will not make our divorce amicable. So if I go this route I open up the pandoras box. If I don't go this route the pandoras box is always gonna be following me like a shaddow threathening to pop up any time." ​ **Reminder: I'm not the original poster.**

OP starts cheating after finding out that her husband never stopped seeing his affair partner -- Part II

ONGOING

girl_in_red_costume

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlzcnj/op_starts_cheating_after_finding_out_that_her/

zm0ozo

Bored Ape Yacht Club NFT's are getting a New Addition, Only 1000 People Can Claim 1000 BAYC NFTS

CONCLUDED

Dr_Lebrun5412

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