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dataset-creator-reddit-amitheasshole

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I have been concerned about my cousins baby since he was born. My cousin and her bf have never been known for keeping a clean house (trash and stuff everywhere, doesn’t look like it’s been cleaned in five years). They also keep their dogs locked in kennels nearly 24/7. They’re let out to eat and use the bathroom in the backyard. We started butting heads when the baby was -1y old and I saw the baby in a walker with a book under the front, propping the walker and baby back so that he was facing the tv. Idk for how long. No one cared to listen to me and his head got completely flat. I tried to buy him a helmet but was shut down. Cue me later babysitting him. Cousin never sent enough food; juice, yogurt, some goldfish, and a nutrigrain bar for the entire day. I would go buy food for him to keep at my house, made it work. He always had diaper rashes. She would drop him off and lie about where she was/when she was coming back. Would show hours after the agreed pick up time. When I had a problem she stopped letting me watch him. Few years down the road and he’s three years behind and in occupational therapy (Medicaid). They’re working with him to try to get him to pick up language. Along the route it was discovered that he needed tubes in his ears. This also happened with his father and caused him to be behind as a kid. The baby isn’t following in his footsteps. You can tell that he can hear you now. He will respond to sounds and his name, that’s about it. He’s locked in his own world. He’s thin. We’ve gone by their house and seen him playing in his window, locked in his room. The boyfriend let slip that they “let him play in there” while they do their own thing. He never looks/smells clean. Always has dirt under his nails. For a long time my cousin said that she couldn’t bathe him often because she couldn’t do it alone because he’d thrash during bath time, it was too much for her. He does fine. He loves water. Their house recently flooded and I decided to let them stay with me for a few weeks while they got everything sorted and ultimately moved. They’d be gone with him all day and I assume keep him in his car seat most of the time. Come back, eat their fast food, maybe give him a few bites, maybe just send him to bed. I only really ever saw him eat an okay breakfast. They were here for two weeks and they gave him a bath twice. When they would get back at night and after the potential dinner situation they’d just put him in the room and tell him to go to sleep, yell at him if he got up. I don’t know that the kid had a moment of meaningful interaction in the two weeks he was here aside from when he was with me. Even greater, rumor has it that in their new place they have a whole brand new bedroom suite and their son has his crib mattress on the stained concrete floor. I don’t know what to do other than to call CPS. WIBTA for getting them involved?

Delicious-Opinion710

WIBTA if I report my cousin and her bf to CPS for being unfit parents

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ad4x2/wibta_if_i_report_my_cousin_and_her_bf_to_cps_for/

18ad4x2

I’m 15, he’s 37 with 4 boys. The oldest is about 11 and the youngest will be 2 years old when they come over and visit (next year) and I want to talk to him about this as soon as possible. His boys are rowdy, screamer’s and fighters, I love them im their favorite uncle. But the last time they came over I didn’t have fish tanks, plants, or a cat. And they yelled at my grandmas dog while she was performing an anxiety task. (I trained her for about 3-4 years to help me manage my anxiety before I could do it on my own) im very worried they might traumatize my cat, destroy my plants, or pour something into my fish tank. They aren’t entitled and neither is my brother the boys are just..difficult. Will I be the asshole if I talk to my brother about it a year in advance?

ShroomBuggee

WIBTA if I talk to my brother about his kids before they come over?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18adg0j/wibta_if_i_talk_to_my_brother_about_his_kids/

18adg0j

I am 28F and my mother 60F. Long story short when i was 18 yo i met this person in language classes, he was in his mid 20s and a walking red flag but I was blinded by being noticed by a much older person. My parents were concerned but by the time they tried to stop it I was way too deep in his abuse I couldnt break it off. A lot of bad stuff happened even after I left my home country to study (we were LDR) and I isolated myself and was basically a shell of a person due to the abuse I endured. Thankfully I managed to escape and slowly rebuilt my life with help of family and friends and therapy, lots of therapy. Its been over ten years and I am in a different phase of my life. I went back to school, I finally feel where I am supposed to be and enjoy my life deeply and I think I have a good relationship with everyone. I barely think about the abuse and its such a small part of my past at this point. I genuinely see it as a distant thing. However my mother refuses to let go of it. I understand because she is my mother and she blamed herself for it but the problem is…she brings it up every time we talk on the phone. She always mentions how either leaving my country fucked my life/my father letting me go was a mistake/how because of that event my life went how it wasnt supposed me. Honestly I am exhausted, I am almost 30 yo and it feels tiring to try and talk about it with her. Ive tried everything from being nice about it and letting her vent to ignoring her when she goes on her rants but tonight was the last straw. I was mentioning to her how a classmate is very young (barely 18) and another classmate is flirting with her. I just told her how i felt about it and how i I was planning on talking to her about the dangers but she basically started ranting about how leaving and stopping obeying her destroyed my life and I got so hurt that my life was changed forever. I was so taken back by this and told her I had moved on and my life was different and I didnt want to talk about it because it felt she was reducing me to that event. She then started ranting about my dad and when i told her to stop she just said how “she had other problems too that I am not the only one and I need to be more emphatic. That I need to move on and focus on other things and support her”. Honestly I couldn’t understand what my ears were hearing. It was so narrowing to me how I never brought anything about having issues and how she was the one who brought everything up. I basically snapped and was screaming on the phone at this point to please seek help because it was bad she just couldnt move past that because she genuinely always talk about it in some way or another and its always the same conlcusion about how my life is not what it should have been because of this. After that I hung up. AITA for telling my 60F mother to seek therapy to move on from my own abusive relationship?

justanotheeredditor

AITA for telling my mom to go to therapy and move on from an event that happened to me a decade ago?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18adgbz/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_go_to_therapy_and_move/

18adgbz

I know the title doesn't give much information, so here we go. My husband and I buy gifts for everyone, and this year we were able to buy some more expensive items, a $50 drone for my BIL, for instance. Recently, I was told of an incident that happened at my brother's (24m) job where a 17 yr old coworker called him a "lazy fat fuck", not only in front of fellow workers, but regulars as well. All because my brother told him (quietly) that his shoes weren't part of the dress code. My BIL (30M) was informed that his nephew, the 17 yr old, was going to be fired for misconduct and instead of reprimanding his nephew, he decides to threaten to get my brother written up because we "ganged up" on his nephew. My brother didn't say a word to the boy, didn't even acknowledge the insults, but all of it was caught on tape, and there were several witnesses. My mom thinks I'm going too far by returning the gift because BIL is "protecting family" but I feel like I'm doing what I can to stand by my family. So, would I be the asshole?

Rawr0818

WIBTA if I returned my BIL Xmas gift?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18adlzt/wibta_if_i_returned_my_bil_xmas_gift/

18adlzt

I live in Arizona. Just bought a house this year on the outskirts of town in straight up farmland. I see creepy critters all day long. Here where we live, there are venomous snakes, all the different spiders including tarantulas, and worst of all… ARIZONA BARK SCORPIONS, look them up. We have 4 children so naturally, I want to do my best to protect them. We get the house sprayed by a pest control company monthly, so far, it’s working about 80%. I recently spoke to my husband about getting the house and block columns sealed (this means they put mesh underneath your house so nothing can crawl into the walls and you through vents and they put silicone caulking in the block columns around the house so scorpions and spiders can’t hangout in them). During the summertime, I see crickets and spiders in the house, even upstairs, so this means there are definitely things crawling in the walls to get into my home! I told my husband it would cost $1200 to seal the entire house including the walls and he said no. He said it’s a waste of money, it doesn’t work, and he thinks it’s just pointless. I argued back and forth saying I’ll pay for it with my commission checks and it would give me peace of mind. Listen, I’m the default parent! I’m the mom! I get up to check the kids every night. I lose sleep worrying about them every day and night! And I’m the one catching and killing the bugs inside the house!!!! I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere with him so I waited until he went out of town, scheduled the appointment, and had the tech come seal my house! It looks great, increases the value of my house just a little, and if it doesn’t actually work, IT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HURT ANYONE! So, I picked him up from his trip and before we got home, I told him I did it anyway. He lost it! Called me a liar and told me I was dishonest and deceitful. He blew up. I told him why I did it and explained that it’s not fair that he thinks his word is the final word! That’s not how a relationship works! I get it, I did this behind his back… but it’s not like I’m cheating on him or doing something that will harm him or our family! Now he won’t talk to me and he’s probably gonna ignore me and act all upset for weeks. Also, my dad ended up paying for it because he is equally as worried about our kids so it cost us absolutely nothing! SO… AITA?!

MRuby90

AITA for waiting for my husband to go out of town to do something he said not to do?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18admir/aita_for_waiting_for_my_husband_to_go_out_of_town/

18admir

For context I (20M) live in a small college town. About a year ago I moved into an apartment with four other people. When I first moved in and before I met my roommates I saw someone on grindr who was 0 feet away. I immediately hit up the profile because I was desperate to make friends or any gay friends (not fwbs). It turned out this person was my roommate named Clayton (21m). We became okay friends talking occasionally through the first month. Then he randomly sent me an explicit picture over snapchat while I was with my new friend Meghan (19f). I immediately shut it down and said I am not into him (short dude) and we are just roommates. He was okay with my answer it seemed. Over a few months he became more controlling, such as not letting me have a cabinet in the kitchen or to hang up decorations. Our other roommates were never around so he claimed that he should get to set up the kitchen because he pays 100$ more than me in rent. I was not going to bother arguing. Four months pass by and the Clayton becomes creepier such as coming into my room sometimes when drunk and wanting to cuddle. I hate confrontation and had to drag him out by his shirt. Additionally, Clayton likes to occasionally pants me to see my booty or schlong which I told him to stop. I never told anyone about this stuff except for my best friend Meghan because I feel embarrassed about the whole situation. Additionally, I don't want to report it to my apartment complex because Clayton works there. Six months of Clayton being creepy and controlling pass by and we have three new roommates. Meghan lives across the hall and comes to hangout with me a lot. Meghan and Clayton eventually met and she became weirdly close with him. She tells me how she does not like him but still hangs out with him socially when I am not around. Clayton really makes me feel uncomfortable and she keeps inviting him to hangout with us. At this point I am debating cutting off the friendship with Meghan because she knows about my history with Claytons and knows I do not like him. WIBTA for not wanting to be friends with Meghan anymore? Sorry for sloppy grammar, I was tired when writing this at night.

Professional_Sass

WIBTA For My Friend Being Around My Roommate

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18adpb9/wibta_for_my_friend_being_around_my_roommate/

18adpb9

hey! i (18f) am a freshman at college, and around may when i had freshly gotten my acceptance, i knew i wanted to attend. i found another girl that went to my old highschool (the one i attended 9th-10th grade) and we connected since we’re both going to that college, and she asked if we can be roommates and i was like sure! we had the same major, same ethnicity, similar interests. let me tell you, that is lowkey far from the truth lol. i just think we’re two different people. we try to talk but it’s this weird awkward bubble around us and it literally feels like the oxygen is sucked out of the room. it’s always sooo dull. and i get that not everyone is best friends with their roommates but not even a few greetings when coming in or leaving? overall bad vibes. like she’d stay up calling people all night, and go out and come back late and it seemed to me she had lots of friends. for my next year apartment, i have to secure a lease by winter break because it fills up fast. i have a few friends that i decided to room w. that same day she asks if i want to room w her again next year, and i said sorry, i am already rooming with xxx and yyy. her face instantly dropped. this confused me bc she doesn’t even talk to me and i was almost certain she would room with the people she’s always hanging out with. (turns out her friends graduate this year so she can’t stay with them, hence why she chose me as a “last resort”) however i didn’t want her to feel helpless in finding a roommate so i connected her to an acquaintance looking for a roommate i later catch her calling her parents and she’s complaining about me, how im being secretive and not telling her who im rooming with (even tho i did) and also that she found her roommate all by herself (also a lie). she like hasn’t talked to me for days now like the room is so quiet and awkward. i told her we need to talk it out and discuss but she keeps dismissing it saying she’s busy. on top of that her posts on instagram are all “i hate everyone” or “pov my roommate situation: lonely) or calling her friend and saying she’s the only real friend she has and that everyone else is fake. i just don’t get why she can’t be mature and talk about it with me, instead of lying to parents and posting crap on social media but AITA for choosing roommates that aren’t her next year and not telling her before hand?

Kitchen-Swimmer-9846

AITA for not choosing my current roommate as my next year’s roommate ?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18adq5k/aita_for_not_choosing_my_current_roommate_as_my/

18adq5k

To set the scene, I'm a college student (20nb) who still lives with their grandma and mom (dad left the picture a long time ago.) They've tried their best raising me and being a family, but recently, living with them feels like hell. I can't go out with friends without telling them exactly who I'm going with, where I'm going, the exact minute I'll be back, what I'll be doing, etc. And if they don't like where I'm going or who I'm going with, they get mad and refuse to let me leave. They track my money (that I earn from my job) and question what I am buying and why. I'm not allowed to close my door to my room or the bathroom while I'm inside no matter what I'm doing. They also fight all the time, almost every single day, mostly from my grandma towards my mom. If my mom folds the laundry or fills the dishwasher "wrong" my grandma throws a fit. All the fighting and boundary crossing has lead to a decline to my mental health, so much so that I don't always want to come home at night; I got a school counselor because of this. There are other annoyances and problems but I don't want to make this too long. The recent problem is I may have found a roommate to move in with; it sounds like a dream to move away from my parents and have complete freedom, but it would be a hit to me financially, as being on my own would take up 99% of my paycheck, leaving very little to fall back on. When I mentioned moving, they freaked out, got angry, and my grandma said that she was "so hurt" that I was leaving because she "must have done something wrong" by doing my laundry, cooking for me, buying me personal products like deodorant, etc. My mom was mostly quiet during the whole conversation. A day later they gave me a different option. I'd start doing everything myself, paying a portion of the rent, utilities, etc. Along with my own bills, and that I could set boundaries myself that they would follow. It'd be better financially, but this is not the first time I've set boundaries that they've ignored and broken, so I don't know if it's worth it to have faith in them. However, I feel bad for doubting them and worry that I'd seem like an asshole for not even trying to let them fix their mistakes. So, WIBTA if I moved out without first seeing if they'd abide by my boundaries that I've set?

Oreowashere

WIBTA if I moved out even though my parents are trying to fix their mistakes?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18adq84/wibta_if_i_moved_out_even_though_my_parents_are/

18adq84

my (17m) boyfriend (18m) and i don’t fight… ever. when we do, it’s usually cleared up in about an hour or two. this fight has been going on for about three days now and i hate it and im wondering if i might be the asshole for potentially starting it. some backstory: i’m currently going through some family drama. my mom (47f) is typically a very immature woman. she just kept getting riled up over stuff that literally no one else involved was getting riled up over—and then she’d take it out on me by yelling and arguing. the only people who are ever really capable of calming my mom down are my maternal grandparents—who i’ve been no-contact with for about two years. i really didn’t want to reach out to them, but my mom just kept having these meltdowns, so i reached out to them asking if they could give her a call (which did in fact help). during the whole debacle with my mom, i was updating my boyfriend and talking to him about it. i eventually told him how i had to break no-contact with my grandparents, and he said “how did it go?”… and that’s when shit hit the fan. i sent him a screenshot of the texts with my maternal grandparents. they were very cordial and sweet in their text—even inviting me to spend christmas with them. the thing is, the abuse i faced at their hands has caused me so much irreparable mental damage that it really doesn’t matter how much they learn from their mistakes and grow, i want nothing to do with them. i have been in therapy for nearly four years with the same therapist, working on undoing all the damage my grandparents did—and my boyfriend knows this because i have told him. my boyfriend’s response to the screenshot i sent him was, “i know it really fucking hurts and i know it hurts even more because they were so mean to you at times. i think you should maybe try and text them every once and while. it seems like they miss you and would wanna talk to you” (direct copy and paste of what he said) i was extremely hurt by that. i went on to remind him of the years of trauma they put me through, and i asked him “why would you say that?” i think in total i sent like two paragraphs, maybe two and a half. i did not insult him, berate him, or anything of the sort; i just made it clear i was very hurt by what he said. like ten minutes later he responded saying that my response was “incredibly nasty and rude” and “made him feel like a monster.” since then, i’ve basically said that i don’t feel like i was being rude, i was extremely hurt by what he said. the only time i mentioned him specifically was by saying “why would you say that”; so i don’t know what’s rude? me relaying my own past as context as to why i will never reconnect with my maternal grandparents is rude? he’s apologised, but he still holds firm that i was rude for how i reacted. i really want this fight over with, i miss talking to him.

throwingaway4238

AITA for getting upset after my boyfriend suggested I reconnect with my grandparents?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18adss6/aita_for_getting_upset_after_my_boyfriend/

18adss6

My boyfriend of more than two years and I have decided to really test how we are together when we live together. Unfortunately, he shares the house with his mom (they have separate floors for each other). My boyfriend has half ownership of the house. I will stay with him for a very limited time (less than two months), wherein we can see how and what do we think of each other under the same roof. I wanna spend the time with my boyfriend majorly so we can be closer together. One time, boyfriend and I got into a misunderstanding and I wasn't in the mood to socialize. That same time also, her mother invited some people in the neighbourhood. I was not in the right mind space to do some socializing with neighbors I don't know that time and instead of forcing myself, I just stayed in the room and didn't get out. That night, I heard his mother stomped the stairs so loud, and my guess was that stomp was for me, and the next morning, it was confirmed that she got mad and disappointed with me cause of that. We talked it off. Now, my boyfriend and I have plans of travelling the nearby countries on weekends, this time, his mom wants to meet me her brothers on the weekend. Also, 2 days before my departure from my boyfriend's place, she wants me to go with them to her ex husband's early birthday celebration. Though my boyfriend mentioned that we have plans, she goes with saying that his father would be very sad. At first I thought I was unreasonable for thinking his mom is not being considerate and being pushy,, but now I do think she is. AITA for thinking so?

uhmmhihello

AITA for thinking that my boyfriend's mom is unreasonable for assuming I wanna meet everyone in their family and their neighbors

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18advwr/aita_for_thinking_that_my_boyfriends_mom_is/

18advwr

I'm a 20-year-old female who unintentionally moved in with my 24-year-old boyfriend. Originally, it was for a week to celebrate our one-year anniversary, but it turned into a permanent move. My parents (56M, 62F) are furious, viewing it as disrespectful because my boyfriend shares a house with his two brothers. Despite my attempts to explain that it's a normal living arrangement, they won't understand. They're upset to the point that my mom threatened my therapist's license when I suggested discussing it. She sees it as me moving in with three men, condemning me to hell. The primary reason for moving was my mom's hoarding problem, which made me feel trapped. Am I the asshole for moving in? How can I approach my mom to calm the situation?

tipofthowaway

AITA for moving in with my boyfriend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18adzey/aita_for_moving_in_with_my_boyfriend/

18adzey

AITA for being mad that my wife started smoking cigarettes again and lied about it? My wife (40) and I (48) have been together for 15 years, with eleven years married. When we dated, she smoked, and I hated it, but I had no right to say anything. As soon as things became serious, I said that I would never marry someone who smoked, and I never wanted my kids to be around someone who smoked. I told her that if she quit smoking for a year, we could talk about marriage, and fast forward, she quit for a year and got married. Over the past year, there are a few time where she smelled like cigarettes, or I'd smell it in her car and she always blamed her mother. My, trusting my wife, always believed her. A few months ago, I caught her smoking outside, and she was upset that I caught her and called her a liar for making up all the stories. I was more upset with myself for believing her and realizing all the times that she said or did certain things, she was going outside and smoking, then coming inside and washing up. My MIL loves downstairs from us and watches our 8 year-old son. She is a smoker as well. I constantly complain to my wife that our son should not stay down there with her smoking, even if she goes outside, as I still can smell smoke in the apartment. My wife claims that there isn't a smell of smoke, but anyone with half a brain knows that smokers cannot smell the cigarette smoke. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do. I should also mention that I quit smoking in 2000, and ever since then, I HATE the smell of smoke, or the smell of people who have smoked. I feel betrayed that my wife lied to me, but I also feel that I need to defend my son who keeps getting coughs, runny nose, etc. We are both in the medical field and know the long-term problems with smoking and second hand smoke, but she says that she will "someday try to quit again," but I don't believe her. I'm seriously thinking of walking away, but I feel like an idiot. Thoughts?

Ghost_Rider_RN

AITA for calling out my wife for breaking her promise and smoking again.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ae0iy/aita_for_calling_out_my_wife_for_breaking_her/

18ae0iy

So over the past few months I’ve been living with 3 roommates in a shared house, each with our own private rooms. None of us really knew each other beforehand, and for the most part we keep to ourselves aside from some occasional interactions. I’ve been working almost 60 hour weeks, so when I’m not working, I’m usually out spending time with family, friends, or playing a video game in my room. Our place came unfurnished, and one of the roommates, John, bought all of furniture for the living room (e.g. couch, rugs, tables, etc.). I’m pretty much down to split the cost for things like this, but he didn’t consult anyone beforehand, he just bought everything himself. In fact it’s a little bit overbearing with how much John has added without asking anyone, like running ethernet wiring across the house and putting his cat’s box (that never gets cleaned) in the living room. The only things in the living room of mine are my bike, my TV, a spare desk with a couple monitors (that I told my roommates they could use if they WFH), and some books on the in-wall bookshelf. Anyways, I had brought my 50” TV when we moved in and put it on the shelf above the fireplace. A couple weeks later John texts our group chat and says “New TV coming tomorrow” and when I walked downstairs the next day the guy had put my TV on the floor and his on the shelf. And the new TV is smaller than the one I had. Fast forward to this weekend, I had gone out of town for my birthday. I come back and my TV is moved into a corner in a narrow hallway upstairs, and my bike is sitting in our reserved spot in a communal garage that’s shared with probably 30-40 other people. Truthfully, I’d been meaning to give my TV to a relative, and to lock my bike in the rack in the garage, but forgetfulness and a busy schedule got to the best of me. I don’t appreciate the TV being moved because it’s a fragile item that I don’t want someone else to break. And the bike, although older, is still worth several hundred dollars, and I’d rather not run the risk of it being stolen, despite being in a private garage for the complex. I probably wouldn’t have cared if he had just sent me a text saying “Hey I’m trying to clean up, do you mind if I move your bike?”, but I don’t like him moving my things and not telling me. I honestly feel like he’s kind of overstepped the boundaries here and I’m pretty frustrated as I feel like minor examples of him doing this happen often. But I don’t want to look like some kind of picky asshole for confronting him over this.

JuulPods169

WIBTA if I asked my roommate to stop moving my things around?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ae1nu/wibta_if_i_asked_my_roommate_to_stop_moving_my/

18ae1nu

For necessary backstory. My partner (30f) and I (32m) have been together for about 7 years and have a kid together. We have a relatively solid relationship but things got rocky when I caught her flirting with another guy and hiding things from me, we’re working on rebuilding trust and besides a few small hiccups along the way all is good. So she goes out pretty frequently with her girlfriends on the weekend, out drinking and dancing and even though I get a little anxious about it because of what happened, I don’t make a fuss because despite what happened she still needs to go out and have fun, and it’s unfair for my insecurities to hinder that. However, about a year ago she started a new job and has made some new friends/acquaintances. She goes out with them every once in a while for drinks and such, and that’s all good. But she got invited to go out drinking and clubbing with them. Where I feel uneasy is that there are quite a few guys, which isn’t inherently a problem but I don’t really know any of them at all. I feel like this new friend group is a completely separate part of her life, the few times I’ve “met” them, more-so in passing, I haven’t been introduced, and they don’t even really care to talk to me. I guess I just feel uneasy, because she’d be out dancing with a bunch of guys that I don’t even really know, and because of what happened my feelings are exacerbated. Would I be an asshole to tell her I don’t feel comfortable with it?

Quiet_Cut_7673

WIBTA if I tell my partner I’m uncomfortable with her going out dancing?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ae2ql/wibta_if_i_tell_my_partner_im_uncomfortable_with/

18ae2ql

My (29F) SIL (33F) lives in the same community as me and my husband (32M). She and her husband had plans to come by our home after they came back from picking up their 1 year old son from her mom’s house. When they arrived she was extremely angry and distraught and explained that her husband dropped her and baby off while he looked for parking, but she saw a spot open up nearby so she tried to hold it by standing in the spot with her son in stroller. A man got to the spot first and started to back his car into the spot despite seeing her and the baby there and she was forced to move out of the way. She said she went off on him, cursing and saying that he’s an evil person to steal a parking spot from a baby and to endanger them by backing into the spot. The man apparently gave her a big F you and said her name isn’t on the spot. Honestly, I wanted to stay neutral on the matter, especially after my husband confirmed with her and via house camera that the man very slowly backed in and clearly was not trying to run them over. SIL was clearly upset and shaken up over it but she kept talking about how awful the man was hours after they arrived and her husband kept validating her which made her feel like my husband and I would be on the same page. She kept asking for our input and we kept skirting around it with plenty of “that’s crazy” and “so sorry that happened to you”. I had enough of it and told her that I am sorry that that happened to her and that I understand that it was scary, but even though it wasn’t her intent, she was the one endangering her child by forcing herself and baby into the road to hold a spot. There were plenty of other parking spots (she should know as she lives in the neighborhood) and she can’t assume that everyone will pass her by when they see her holding a spot just because she has a baby. What if the man got angry and backed in without giving her time to move? I also told her that she can’t force anyone to not take a public parking spot. She got huffy and said that she knew I wouldn’t understand because I’m not a parent and that I can’t comprehend how traumatic the experience was for her. Her husband said that the man should not have backed into the spot and just talked to her if he needed it that badly. I told them that I do understand that it was scary for SIL and that it was messed up for the man to back in, but ultimately, no one is entitled to a public parking spot and she shouldn’t have put her and baby in the street to begin with. They decided to leave when they couldn’t get me to agree with them and my husband and I feel bad because SIL genuinely was shaken up. Just wondering if we are AHoles and should apologize and make peace.

WatchForGlass

AITA for telling my SIL that she endangered her baby?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ae71m/aita_for_telling_my_sil_that_she_endangered_her/

18ae71m

so this story involves my brother (17M) his gf (18F) my mom (50F) and myself (20F). So my brothers gf will come over for days-weeks at a time, and not bring a single thing. so, instead she’ll use all of my stuff. wear my clothes, my makeup, shoes, use all my shampoo and conditioner (she’s even raided the shower and taken some home with her???) taken entire boxes of feminine products back home, eaten all of my groceries (that i buy myself) the list goes on. I was nice about it at first and tried to brush it off hoping it would be a one off event, when i realized it wasn’t, i approached my brother and explained the situation and asked if he’d talk to her, he said yes, the problem didn’t stop. finally, i started locking my things up in my bedroom. today i was a bit frazzled and forgot to lock my bedroom door when i left. i get home after work and go to take a shower and realize my hair brush is gone, still trying to give the benefit of the doubt i check everywhere i could’ve left it, no where. finally, i ask my brother if he’s seen it and he replies that his gf took it home with her, honestly, i flipped. i screamed at him for letting her go into my room and through my stuff, his excuse was that she had forgotten one and must’ve taken it home on accident. i call her and ask if she’s seen my hairbrush, she says no, so i tell her i know she has it. the conversation goes back and forth a bit and finally ends with me screaming that she needs to get off her ass and finish high school and get a job instead of stooping so low as to repeatedly steal from people. apparently afterwards she called my brother crying and said she’s humiliated and too embarrassed to come back here, so he’s furious at me, my mother got involved and said hairbrushes are only a few dollars so i should’ve just bought a new one instead of embarrassing his girlfriend like that. i do feel bad for yelling, i try not to be an angry person, but it really felt like enough was enough. AITA?

bruhkms18

AITA for embarrassing my brothers gf by “freaking out over a brush”?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ae74y/aita_for_embarrassing_my_brothers_gf_by_freaking/

18ae74y

My mom and dad had built a company together over the years. My mom had allowed my uncle to join the company. After working for a few years in the company, he stopped going to the office all together and refuses to do work yet still receives his pay. It has been going for 3 or so years. I heard this and immediately talked to both my parents about it. Mom does not care and pushes all the decision making to me and my dad. My dad can't make a firm decision because it will cause my mom to breakdown. I'm currently working at said company after ditching my Software Engineering job because being the only child in an asian household, my parents are getting in their senior years and has no one to take care of them. What do you guys think? Is pushing for my uncle to be out of the company a good odea for the future of the company? Or did I just invite unnecessary problems? We have talked to said uncle and he would show up in the office the first week and then sayonara the weeks after. Thanks for your opinions in advance and sorry if my English was not up to par. It is mot my forst language.

Grape14

AITA for wanting to fire my uncle for freeloading in my parents' company?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aeb5w/aita_for_wanting_to_fire_my_uncle_for_freeloading/

18aeb5w

he threw a party without asking any of us housemates on a Sunday, came home at 2am Monday morning from a music festival, woke us all up and freaked tf out of the dog. Then decided to have sex that SHAKES our entire house for 45 minutes when we all have work tomorrow. And when I say shakes I mean we live in an old Queenslander we're you feel EVERYTIME, he almost knocked the star of the Christmas tree in the living room it was so aggressive. Dude's idiot friend at the party also sent my dog to the emergency vet because he threw up in the yard and didn't tell anyone and the dog ate a bunch. We all move out in a month because of this guy’s antics but I'm wired from stress and no sleep and I just need one night of peace so I can pack all my shit and go instead of sleeping on my lunch breaks just to get some in.

AnxiousBee89

AITA for asking housemate to stop having house shaking sex at 2am on weeknights

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aeetl/aita_for_asking_housemate_to_stop_having_house/

18aeetl

Hi y’all’s, I’ll just preface this by saying that this is a throwaway account because my boyfriend does know my reddit And I’ll put a TW ⚠️ for Drug Use So my boyfriend (20m) and I (19m) got into a pretty heated argument last night and he hasn’t said a word to me since, but I really don’t think I’m in the wrong.. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than 3 years now, and he knows that I’ve dealt with substance abuse and psychological abuse growing up, but he knows both are sensitive topics with me so he hasn’t asked for many specifics. To add some context, I was hooked on weed by the time I was in middle school and started more stuff (meth and the likes) in highschool, and I started using because of a lot of peer manipulation. Anyway, my boyfriend knows I used to smoke a lot but he didn’t know about any of the harder drugs. By the time we met I had already stopped most of everything besides the weed, and he really helped me get clean from that too, along with helping me during some of the worst withdrawal I’ve experienced. Now, last night we were out with some friends, and me being clean from the harder drugs came up for some reason. My boyfriend’s demeanor kinda changed at that and as soon as we got in the car he started interrogating me about what “harder drugs” I used to do. I told him and he got really angry, saying I had lied to him and that he didn’t want to be with an “unstable lying junkie”. I told him that I was sorry for not telling him the specifics but he just locked me out of our apartment and hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts. I know I probably should have told him but by the time we got together I was off of those and he never pressed me for anything, so Am I The Asshole here?

Acrobatic_Ant4862

AITA for not telling my BF Specifics about my past?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aeeyg/aita_for_not_telling_my_bf_specifics_about_my_past/

18aeeyg

So my spouse and I moved in with another couple about 4 months ago. Early on, all four of us agreed on space boundaries for the bathroom. Half the counter space for us, half for them. Same for the bathtub. But lately they just haven't been respecting those boundaries and keep leaving their stuff on our side. It's really frustrating and I've asked them to start keeping their things on their side or at least put it away when it's finished but it keeps happening. I'm considering putting a sign up on the mirror as a reminder, but I'm worried that would be passive aggressive as hell. I'm also considering texting them every single time they leave stuff on our side. I'm not sure what to do but I just want them to respect our space.

Suitable_Molasses_18

WIBTA for putting up a sign in the bathroom saying "remember to keep your things on your side"

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aegph/wibta_for_putting_up_a_sign_in_the_bathroom/

18aegph

Yesterday I finally decided to rehome one of my two cats. I feel incredibly guilty about it, and can’t help but feel I didn’t try enough. Long story short I adopted my first cat Boots about 1.5 years ago. He is an indoor/outdoor cat and was very affectionate with me all the way up to the point where I had adopted a kitten (George). At first Boots didn’t seem to mind the kitten, not so much interested he just simply didn’t care… George was an indoor only cat, and as he grew older Boots would spend less and less time inside and would only show me affection outside of the house, yet I could no longer get him to purr. Within the last two months Boots would no longer even come inside, I would have to physically bring him in to feed him, and he would immediately want to go back outside. Sometimes I wouldn’t see him for days at a time, this was unusual for him and it’s winter here in BC and getting cold now. George and Boots never fought, they actually used to sleep together when George was younger, but as George has gotten older Boots wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. George would try to rub against Boots and Boots would constantly hiss and growl and want to run away, which would lead George to chasing him around like a game. A game Boots clearly didn’t enjoy. George was 8 months old and a whopping 12lbs already. Quite a large cat, he was scheduled for neutering on Dec 12th and I feel very guilty that I didn’t wait until after the neutering to see if the cars would get along. George did exhibit many behaviours that frustrated me, he would poop in his litter box, but would pee in both his litter box and every smaller confined area he could get into (showers, closets, cupboards, shelving, laundry hampers). He also would destroy everything in the house, shredding my couch, Bed, all drapes and shower curtains, knocking everything off every shelf he could, shredded all my toilet paper and paper towel, rooting through and shredding my garbage, anything he could get his paws on. He has multiple scratching posts and toys that he would also destroy but it didn’t just stop there. I finally decided to give him up for adoption at this weekend after he filled one of my cupboards full of cookware with pee. Yes, he has figured out how to open cupboards. But the fact that my first cat was scared to even enter the home, and clearly distressed, plus the fact George would destroy everything, and pee everywhere I felt defeated and that I had no choice as it was extremely unfair to Boots. Since giving him up I can’t help but wonder, would the peeing of stopped? Would the cats started to get along? Would George’s personality changed to something that would’ve worked for all of us? Since giving George up Boots has spent more time inside and with me than the entirety of November. Yet there is still this emense guilt of what if he only needed to be neutered, he probably feels so scared and like I had abandoned him. Edit: I willfully adopted Boots from the SPCA as I wanted a cat in my life again. George however I was persuaded by a coworker who has multiple kittens to take, I refused multiple times as I didn’t feel it was right but finally caved in after a few weeks of them asking me to take the kitten.

24sandwhiches

AITA for rehoming my cat?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aeh0g/aita_for_rehoming_my_cat/

18aeh0g

Me (20f) and my friends (fake names) Janice (21f) and flora (21f) decided that we would all go to the movies and watch the ballad of songbirds and snakes together. We were all very excited to go, and had planned out everything. Flora would drive, I would buy snacks, and Janice would buy drinks. Two days before the day we had planned to go to the movies, it hit me just how tired and upset I was at life. (I was having trouble at school, with rude teachers and frequent late night studying. I hadn't had a good night's sleep in months.) I couldn't go to the movies with them, but when I told them this, they were outraged, saying that they had already bought tickets, and hadn't been actively saving and couldn't buy many snacks without me. I gave them the money I had saved for snacks and the money for my ticket and told them that i was feeling rough and I needed rest. They are now angry at me and leaving me angry texts about how I am a stingy selfish person. I had planned on not getting any snacks because I am normally not that hungry, but now they think that I am hiding money from them because they don't have enough money for three people and because I'm not there, they should at least give them my share of the money.

Deep-Sprinkles-7954

AITA for not going with my friends to the movie?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aehy1/aita_for_not_going_with_my_friends_to_the_movie/

18aehy1

So a bit of context first, so imma do in topics. 1-I'm 19 years old and I dropped out of high school because I was being bullied and I couldn't handle it so I decided to leave, as a result I ended up not completing it and not having that certificate but I really want to go to UNI, so I got in touch with a school where monthly fee of €200 and i can get that certificate . 2. my mother decided to leave my ex-stepfather's house after a horrible fight out of nowhere and went to live in her beauty salon (it is big and has a second floor so she is living there) but the salon has a place to take a shower, she have a bed and a wardrobe but she can't cook there because it's illegal and dangerous so there's only a microwave, so me, who lived with her, decided to go to my father's house, who has good living conditions, I have my room, guitar and EVERYTHING I want here. my sister moved to the other country with her husband and my nieces to live closer with her father, she asked if I wanted to go there because of better conditions and opportunities for me, I am fluent in English and I have worked at one big company so I would be able to get job where I can save money to go to university and help her, ofc its not easy to get that much money but in 2 years i should be able to do it and with her boyfriend, her and me paying the household expenses it wouldn't be a big burden for me. My mother liked the idea and told me that she also wanted to go and my sister agrees and is super happy about it so that's it, I thought that my mother would stay in the salon for a while just until she got the money for the ticket and I'll stay at my father’s house saving money... but that wasn't the case, because as soon as I started working part-time (I'm going to change to full-time) she called me and talked about renting a house... I live in the capital of a country where there is one of the most expensive rents IN THE WORLD, I asked her how much it was just to know if she could at least think about it (because we were going to do 50/50) and it's 600 euros (minimum salary here is 700€), excluding expenses such as water, electricity, etc. ... I want to go to another country as soon as I get my certificate, so it didnt make much sense for me to leave my father's house and lose that amount of money knowing that my mother also pays rent for the salon, so it will take time for her to pay for the tickets. I told her that and she started yelling at me saying that i dont think about her and she cant even cook there, but like she makes a good money so she eats at her friend restaurant everyday which is not expensive and the food is REALLY good, my father and her cant even look at each other so i cant even invite her to live here and i really want to go to other country because here u only SURVIVE u cant LIVE so while im still young its good to leave, idk if im being I am the asshole for not wanting to assume that responsibility.

ViolattaLia

AITA for not helping my mother to rent a apartment?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aek87/aita_for_not_helping_my_mother_to_rent_a_apartment/

18aek87

I will start a job at an airline and we get free flight privileges and can also extend them to our parents (including step-parents and in laws) but we only can have two under that category. After all, you can only legally have two parents. But, I don’t particularly like my step-mother (for context my mother died a few years ago and my dad remarried recently). Thus, I don’t want to extend the privilege to her. However, my father will be upset. For context, I know he will be upset because we get one friend to add and my dad mentioned adding her as the “friend” to which I told him I decide who that one friend is and that I might give it to someone else. He got upset because he says it costs him money since she’s jobless and he covers her costs and that granting the friend pass should be automatic because it helps him. He feels that’s it’s unfair if he gets it free and she has to pay. He went on to say that he would refuse free flights if I don’t grant it to her. I responded by saying I don’t support the marriage and don’t like her to which he said that I don’t have the authority to dictate the marriage. I responded back by saying that he doesn’t get to decide who I grant the flight prevliges to. I think he is being entitled but he thinks I am TA for not extending something when I can to save him money. While I can add her as a “parent” or “friend”, I don’t want to. WIBTA for not granting her free privileges (i.e not helping my dad save money in his eyes)?

No-Note-9960

WIBTA for not granting free flight privileges to my step-mom?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aen7g/wibta_for_not_granting_free_flight_privileges_to/

18aen7g

I (29M) have a niece who's three, let's call her Ivy. Ivy recently became a big sister to twins, and is having a hard time adjusting. She's been having these little meltdowns, where she will lay in the middle of the floor crying. When I came over yesterday, she was in the midst of one. My sister told me to ignore the behaviour, but I couldn't do it. Ivy was sobbing - the hardest I've ever seen her cry, and she had her arms outstreched the minute she saw me. So I picked her up and rocked her, and that seemed to calm her down. My sister got mad at me for doing that. She said "All that did was pacify her tantrum, rather than make her realize that having a fit isn't the right way to get attention" and that I "undermined her parenting" AITA for soothing my niece, against my sister's wishes?

trav94-

AITA for soothing my niece, against my sister's wishes?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aeq0e/aita_for_soothing_my_niece_against_my_sisters/

18aeq0e

I(16F) need an outside perspective because there's a bunch of small things making me gradually dislike my friend Michelle. I feel bad about it, but I can't help being visibly irritable towards her and I don’t enjoy being around her anymore. Maybe I'm overthinking it? Let me lay out a few instances: In a recent group call, Michelle asked a simple math question when doing homework. The question was, "how many times is 27 divisible by 3?" I answered "9,” and the call fell into a silence. Michelle then remarked, "I’m surprised (my name) knew that; I’d think she doesn’t know her multiplication tables." It seems odd that she'd downplay my intelligence over a basic math question. This wasn't an isolated incident. Michelle once expressed surprise when I mentioned studying for a quiz, as if studying was a foreign concept to me. On a particular day, Michelle took it upon herself to collect my math quiz grade when I was absent. She texted, "we know how you did" in a taunting manner, refusing to disclose my score. This not only felt invasive but also left me anxious about a potentially poor grade on a quiz I wasn't confident about. During lunch with Michelle and another friend, Chloe, Michelle laughed and said “poor (my name) I’m just making fun of her” while I was on my phone. Chloe seemed confused. This seemingly mocking behavior, even if intended as a joke, left me feeling uncomfortable and weirded out. Another incident in math class, where Michelle when she asked me to pick up her pen that was right by her. I asserted that it was closer to her than it was to me. Then, she says she doesn’t care and called me a “servant.” This rubbed me the wrong way, even if it was a joke. Additionally, Chloe made a friend group survey and sent it to the group chat for Michelle's birthday party. I did it, but one remaining person didn’t do it. Michelle, seemingly jokingly, implicated me as the one who hadn't completed it. The underlying truth in such jokes raises questions about her perception of me within the group. While writing my impromptu essay in English, Michelle finished before me, and I had 2 minutes left. For some reason, she decides to take a photo of me and sends it to the group chat, broadcasting to everyone I have 2 minutes left. This felt like an invasion of privacy, considering she knows I don't like being in photos. She's also kept unflattering photos of me since 5th-6th grade, despite me asking her to delete them. One time, she sent them to another group chat with my other friend Leanna while we were on a call. Even though I kept telling her to stop. About unflattering photos, Chloe shows photos from over 5 years ago, and I'm in one. The photo was obviously unflattering, and I look very different. Michelle insists I look the exact same, which made me feel insecure. Chloe argues that I don't. So, Reddit, AITA for feeling this way, or am I overreacting?

After-Display1056

AITA for secretly starting to resent my friend of 11 years?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aer1h/aita_for_secretly_starting_to_resent_my_friend_of/

18aer1h

I am in my early 20s. I’m from SEA. I dropped out of college earlier this year. I was a freshman. I dropped out for the reason that we can’t afford to pay for my tuition fees. Although there are state universities, I wasn’t able to get in due to the tight competition (pandemic period, no entrance exams). I had a part-time job last year. That allowed me to pay for my tuition fees for the mean time. However, working and studying is really difficult. My grades are barely passing. And I was sick all the time from exhaustion. I don’t want this life. I just want to study. I know that there will come a time I have to work to make ends meet but, I just don’t want to work right now. I just really want to study. My mother kept making absurd demands when I was working. “Pay for the bills, pay for the mortgage, pay for your tuition fees, buy me this buy me that”. It was draining. She kept guilt tripping me. And now my dad has retired. She kept saying that I should’ve helped her. But, I was a student. My dad who had retired returned home does nothing but watch TV all day. We don’t use TV that often but when my dad came home, the TV’s on all the time. I know it’s for entertainment but at the back of my mind I can’t help but think that the pressure of the electricity bill will be on me. Because I am the only one who generates income. And I hate it. I don’t want to be a breadwinner. I just want to study. But I can’t. And there are times when I wish they just didn’t have a family. At least I don’t have to suffer from poverty. So, AITA for hating my parents? I just… I just feel like giving up. I’m not stupid. My grades are stellar. But I just really feel like giving up. I want to quit work but I won’t have any means to study. I’m so tired

pbmzzi

AITA for hating my parents?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aergj/aita_for_hating_my_parents/

18aergj

I (f19) have a cat. I have had my cat since I was 17 I was a depressed teen who smoked a alot but when I saw the magestic cat in the pet store all my problems watched away I have now stoped smoking. I’m clean 1 year So I got my adorable furry friend but now two years later I’m soon getting married to my bf (m25) and he told me to get rid of my cat because he disliked my cat because she doesn’t prefer him over me since I hav had her longer. I told him no but he kept nagging and I’m at my breaking point now, am I the asshole?

Sweetannon

AITA for not giving up my cat

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aev7m/aita_for_not_giving_up_my_cat/

18aev7m

My (29F) husband's (30M) parents are wealthy, and he tries to take whatever chance he can to pay them back for the privileged upbringing they've afforded him. We're talking thousands per year - he tries to pay for their bills, send them $1,000 for every birthday/holiday/etc. They try to refuse because they do not need or even want the money. When we're talking wealthy, we're talking they don't bat an eye at spending hundreds of thousands casually on a new vacation home every few years. So the extra money means nothing to them, but my husband absolutely insists on sending them the money and refuses to let them send it back in hopes that he can eventually pay them back. His privileged upbringing is an insecurity of his since often in modern society, it's seen negatively to have grown up wealthy and being able to take the "easy street" in life. He wants to say that his successes are self-made. I bring this up to him each time, but he counters saying that I am selfish and ungrateful for all that they have done for us. It's not giving them our money. It's giving back some of the money that they've given to us, he said. I usually let it go at the end of each of each argument. I snapped the other day when he offered to pay their $3,000 credit card bill and confronted him after we got home, saying that he needs to consult with me before gifting his parents such large sums of money. I asked him why he feels the need to be giving money from us, a middle class working couple, to his parents who are in the top 1%. He got defensive and said that anyone and everyone would want to give back to their parents if they could, and because we have the means to, we should. When I point out that it's HIM they've given money to in the form of paying for his tuition, his car, his food/clothing, etc., he then countered that I can think of it as him alone giving HIS money back to them, even though legally, it's OUR marital assets he's pulling from. He said that it was to my benefit that they paid for his education and a lot of things for him, because when we entered the marriage, he had more assets to bring, while I had less assets since I had to work through my student debt first. So he said it's ungrateful for me to think that the money they've invested into him only benefited him. I don't think this is benefiting any parties involved. $5,000-$10,000 per year means a lot to us financially and is a sizable chunk of our annual income, but to his parents, this is couch change. They insist they don't even want his money and seem uncomfortable with him forcing it on them each time. I feel like he's only doing this to address his insecurity, but he insists it's not. I keep telling him that his parents want him to pay them back in the form of spending time with them, not in the form of money, but he's stubborn. AITA here? Maybe I don't understand because I am alienated from my parents and thus don't understand how the normal parent/child dynamic should work?

AnonThrowawayAnon051

AITA for not wanting my husband to keep sending money to his wealthy parents?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aezjv/aita_for_not_wanting_my_husband_to_keep_sending/

18aezjv

I know Reddit loves dogs (as everyone does) so hit me with the YTA if you think it. I prefer the brutal honesty as both me & my partner are autistic (so emotions & disagreements are not our strong point) & Reddit has helped me before. My partner has a Japanese Akita (a big dog, to put it into context, he told me her breed is used to hunt bears or something) & he works away a lot (I do not currently work as I have a chronic illness/disability). Since we moved in together about a year & a half ago, he has handed all responsibility for the dog to me (apart from walking her when he is home). I didn’t mind this at first, as I love dogs & I love her & she is usually well behaved but she can be unpredictable (we do not let her near other dogs because she can be aggressive & she is so strong, she can pull you over). Over the past 9 months, I have deteriorated & had a few conversations with my partner about him taking over more of her care (e.g. I have tried to ask that as well as having her on a leash, we muzzle her for everyone’s safety). I always get the same response -“You have to train her” or “you have to be more stern” or “you spoil her” but I honestly don’t have the energy to retrain her when I’m this ill. & when I have tried to be stern (she isn’t allowed upstairs, so I told her to go down but she wasn’t listening, so I gave her a nudge with my hand) she has now tried to bite me twice (she weighs the same as me & I am only 5 foot). I feel bad asking him to take more responsibility because he works full time (I still pay half of everything but this is the first time I have never had a job, so I know I should be able to handle all the household jobs) but I’m genuinely scared that if I walk her, she could attack another dog or if I look after her, she could attack me. I’m thinking of asking my partner to ask his parents to look after the dog (they have experience looking after big dogs) when he stays away & to take full responsibility for looking after the dog when he is here, so I don’t have to do anything for the dog. Would that be terrible of me? As I knew he had the dog when we got together (I just didn’t know how temperamental she was - she’d never went for me before we moved in together). I don’t want him to get rid of the dog because I would hate having to put him & her through rehoming her but I’m willing to stay upstairs (I’m mostly bedbound anyway) & out of her way so that I don’t accidentally push her buttons when he is here with her. & I don’t want him to have to change the job he loves doing by not being able to travel.

Stairs_MyOldNemesis

AITA for refusing to look after my partner’s dog?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aezkl/aita_for_refusing_to_look_after_my_partners_dog/

18aezkl

Okay so I (19F) know the title sounds silly, but there’s a lot more to it. So I called my boyfriend (19) and had mentioned that i would like flowers. He hasn’t gotten me any in a while and i just simply mentioned that i want flowers. he said that it’s ridiculous that i’m asking for flowers because he’s gotten me so much other gifts and has made me things as well. I said that those things are great and i love and cherish them, but i would also like flowers in the near future because they make me very happy. in the past, i have gotten angry at him for not being super receptive of the fact that i like thoughtful things, and he told me that there’s nothing wrong with communicating and asking for stuff. so this time that’s what i did, i asked for flowers. he said “okay great thanks for reminding me that i’m a piece of shit and do nothing for you” and i was confused. i never said he did nothing for me, and i surely never said that he’s a piece of shit. things got worse and escalated into a further fight, and he began asking what i do for him and telling me i never did anything for him. he said that i do nothing with my life and do nothing for him. he called me a gold digger, he even mentioned me “taking” his food was me being a gold digger. Mind you, we have been together for a year and 3 months now. The first 3 months of our relationship was long distance. While i was away from home, I had sent him some gifts, nothing too crazy, just a cute stuffed animal and a lovey letter. i got nothing while long distance. he did make up for it though, drawing me things, other times getting me flowers. but i have written him so many love letters, drawn and crafted a bunch of things, made him those silly halloween baskets, when i get food i constantly ask him if he wants anything, especially when he comes over to my house. I always ask if he wants anything. I might not have as much money as him or be the most financially stable but i give him anything i can. he also brought up in this fight how i said that i had said in the past that “i didn’t need the chair you got me” - here’s some back story on that. One time he was complaining about spending money on me and i has said “well, i love the hello kitty chair you got me but i didn’t need that. it’s expensive and i just like it when you make me things”. he called me unappreciative and said i don’t care about what he gets for me. i’m just not sure what to believe anymore. i feel so needy and i just need to know, am i the asshole?

Glitteryslime

AITA for getting upset about not getting flowers?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aezwd/aita_for_getting_upset_about_not_getting_flowers/

18aezwd

I (32f) have been with my boyfriend for about six years now. In the recent past he has been caught sexting other women. The other day it was like my spidey senses are tingling and I noticed his phone was unlocked and he was downstairs so over course I went through it and of course I found what I was looking for. Now to give you some context other than me saying I have caught him sexting other women before. There is one female in particular that just irks my nerves that he does this with. She was my best friend for five years. I found out that through his and I's relationship he had been trying to hook up with her behind my back. She never said a word about to me (but that's another story). So I dropped her as a friend ( also the reason he is still around is because when I found all this out I was pregnant) and now he is back to sexting and asking her to hook up again. I'm super hurt and confused. AITA

Technical-Garbage211

AITA for going through my bpyfriends phone.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18af5m2/aita_for_going_through_my_bpyfriends_phone/

18af5m2

HI I am 18 (M) I have a wedding coming up about in 2 months and also had a wedding a week ago the wedding was of my brother with whom I am not that close but I am looking forward to have a deeper bond with in the future as I think he is a good human being which I found out from my closest family members and have also experienced first hand . Due to all of this I decided to help him out through out the wedding process by taking care of the guests , moving some boxes and few other things . Now their is this other wedding of my other brother in about 2 months I have known him for longer and have noticed that he do not care about me as much as i would like because he only talks to me when he have some work for me that he would like me to do or crake jokes at the expense of me and when ever I decide to reach out to him for some thing he do not pay any attention to me so I have decided to go to the ceremony eat have a good time and not to do any work . my family do not agree with this sentiment as they think that it is rude to help out in one brothers wedding whom I have known for a shorter time and not help out in the other brothers wedding whom I had known for longer . then their is this other angle that the grooms sister is my best friend and would be counting on me to help out as the wedding is taking place in the city I live in . so WIBTA for not helping at my brothers wedding . or should i just sacrifice a part of me and help only to get ignored at the end . both brothers are Cousens but our family's are really close we meat each other like 7-9 times a year for at least 2-3 days and call each other like every day

Dangerous_Cheek_1883

WIBTA for not doing manual Laboure at my brothers wedding

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18af9eq/wibta_for_not_doing_manual_laboure_at_my_brothers/

18af9eq

I am not a native English speaker, so I apologize if I make mistakes. I'm a 17-year-old guy, my girlfriend is 16 years old. I love her, and her family has replaced my family for me. I think my family has never really loved me for many reasons. It's completely different with my girlfriend's parents. They love each other, they love their daughter, they are always nice to each other. I am really grateful to her parents for accepting me into their family. I am really grateful to them and always show them my respect. I think I would be willing to do anything to show them how grateful I am to them. Her father has his own car repair shop in the garage, and I often help him after school. He initially offered me a nominal fee for my services, but I refused because I wanted to show my gratitude. Besides, I always help her mother with household chores and in garden. Of course, this is not all I do, and I have never calculated my help, it would simply be unworthy. Now I'm in my senior year and I'm not only studying and preparing for my final exams, but also working (recently my relationship with my parents has become worse and they stopped giving me the money). Now I can't always help my girlfriend's father in the garage or help with the renovation of her mother's house. I feel guilty, but I can't do anything. Two days ago, my girlfriend said that her parents were expecting me on next Saturday. They're moving into a bigger house on the other side of town, so they expected me to help them with that. But I have lessons on Saturday, after that I have to go to work for 12 hours. I politely refused my girlfriend's request, explaining the reasons for my decision. Of course, if my help was needed on any other day, I would have agreed. I also mentioned that I would come on Sunday and help them with the rest. Even though I knew it sounded terrible, as if I only wanted to do the lightest part of the job. She later said that her father was very disappointed in me. At first, I began to help him with work less, and now refused to help with the move. I called and texted her parents, but they don't want to talk to me anymore, and neither does my girlfriend. My girlfriend only mentioned that her parents might forgive me if I later prove my loyalty to them and show them my respect again.

ThrowRaMedium69

AITA for refusing to help my girlfriend's parents because I should go to work?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18afet8/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_girlfriends_parents/

18afet8

Me and my two best friends were walking towards our school gate when suddenly one of my bf started walking fast ahead of us, normally I would catch up to her but today I didn't really feel like running since I'm experiencing a low-grade fever. Before this happened, I forgot to wait for her on our way to the school gymnasium, I think she got upset about it because she felt distant once we got back to our classroom. Just to fix things a little, I asked her if she will join us for lunch but she said no. The rest of the day went alright and we started talking a bit, I thought that she's not upset anymore. Then, I realized that I was talking to my other bf more, simply because she was talking about her personal experiences and I was asking her questions. (To be honest, I often talk to my other best friend regarding random facts and mind-boggling information more because she seemed more interested in what I tell than my other bf T_T.) It's really hard to put yourself in other people's shoes, If it were me I would've been too curious to let my friends' conversations go past me and I would've included myself but of course we all have different perspectives. Are we both responsible for this drama? or Am I just being an asshole?

snowoverthecity

AITA for making my friend upset?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18afgb1/aita_for_making_my_friend_upset/

18afgb1

My parents found out that I have cards from them that I have never opened and were quite upset. I also have cards from extended family (grandparents, elderly Aunts and Uncles) collecting dust that I don't plan to open until after those people have died. When I was young, my grandpa I was close with, passed away unexpectedly. Years later I found a card he had wrote me that I never opened. It turned out to be congratulating me on graduating fourth grade. It was heartfelt and made me feel like I was having one last sweet moment with my beloved grandpa. Since then, I keep maybe one out of every four cards from relatives unopened in a special place so that I can open them when I need an encouraging message. Reading a previously opened card doesn't feel the same. I don't need any money that might be in the cards nearly as much as I might need one last message from someone who cared about me on a bad day after they have passed away. I do always call those who send me cards or gifts and thank them even if I haven't opened the card and read it. Recently my parents were visiting and found out about unopened card stash and got upset. They said it was disrespectful to not open and read the cards right away. I explained my reasoning but they didn't get it. Am I the asshole?

dumpster-pirate

AITA for not opening birthday/ graduation cards?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18afhc4/aita_for_not_opening_birthday_graduation_cards/

18afhc4

For some context, my daughter (14) has wanted a limited edition box set, however me (34M( and my wife (32F) at the time didn’t have the money for it, so we approached our son and asked if he’d be ok with looking into getting it with the promise of getting him special gifts too, he said he’d definitely look into it, so now fast forward to now, I asked him if he’s bought it, then he was confused and asked what one, then I showed him what I meant, but when he seen the price, he said “not a chance am I getting that!”, I asked why, and he said it was far too expensive to spend on someone like my daughter, even though it was only 44 bucks. I reminded him of our deal, and he used the excuse that “he didn’t know what I meant”, obviously he was just being selfish with his money, so I decided to withhold the special gifts I got him, my wife thinks that doing this is unnecessary as it’s his money and he can do whatever he wants with it, AITA?

MrDc_Gaming

AITA for punishing my son after breaking our deal?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18afinv/aita_for_punishing_my_son_after_breaking_our_deal/

18afinv

1.5 yrs ago, a friend relapsed and ended up drunk after work. I drove him home and on the way it came up that he had been given a bag of a hard drug while he was out. I asked where it was and he first lied that he had gotten rid of it. He eventually admitted that it was in the trunk of my vehicle in his briefcase. We used to carpool often, but after this I told him that I was no longer comfortable doing so and that he would need to find another way to get to and from work. He understood, apologized and we have maintained a friendship in and out of work. Since this , he has relapsed multiple times. I've witnessed (and objected to) alcohol use and he has admitted more hard drug use. He did recently begin taking more action to get help than he has in the past, though he is only 3 months sober now. Up until this week, he has not asked me for another ride. Friday, his car died and he asked me for a ride to work. He told me that due to the cost of the repair, he would not be able to throw me any gas money. In a text, I explained that due to past events, I did not feel comfortable driving him to work. However, I would be willing and happy to pay for a rental car for the weekend. He declined the offer and told me that he doesn't like to define people by one event that happened two years ago. That night at work, I acted no different than I always do, but he was very standoffish, barely making eye contact with me. Yesterday, he called to discuss the issue by phone. I have great respect for him and the fact that he initiated this communication. He said that if that is the way that I feel, he doesn't really understand but it's okay. He told me that it blindsided him and really hurt his feelings when I told him that I still felt uncomfortable driving him. He then went into a monologue regarding ways that he has helped me out in the past, some of them requiring a lot of time and effort on his part. I should have clarified, but it seems that he was trying to communicate that he still feels that he was owed a ride by me in return for other favors that he has done. He never thanked me, or even mentioned the fact that I had offered to pay for a rental car for him to use this entire weekend.  Is this gaslighting? I feel that not driving him still is justified because a) the seriousness of the outcome had the substance been found in my vehicle and b) the small amount of time he's been sober. His relapses are like lighting strikes and it's not worth the risk of there being a repeat incident. I think my offer to pay for a rental was above and beyond what he was orignally asking of me. That action alone should have communicated that I was more than willing to help him in a very big way, even if I was not comfortable driving him. I am still confused as to why he would have even brought up ways that he had helped me out in the past, as if I was not willing to help him out here. AITA?

itsmyjobnow27

AITA for still refusing to give a friend rides after they lied to me about bringing hard drugs into my car without me knowing 1.5 years ago

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aflh6/aita_for_still_refusing_to_give_a_friend_rides/

18aflh6

My partner and I are getting married. It will be a small wedding, we want to invite all out closest friends, family and their respective partners. Now to the problem: My partners sisters dating life is complicated. She has pretty bad taste in men, and seems to be dating one non-committal guy after the other. She had been secretive for a while now, but yesterday, she told us about a new guy. "He is different", she really likes him, all that. To the question if we get to meet him, she said "Well, at the latest you'll meet him at your wedding". And then she showed us a picture. And I happen to know the guy. I dated him briefly, right before I met my partner. The guy was absolutely not different than the other guys she's dated, just your run-of-the-mill wannabe finance-dj-dude-bro with nothing to show it. Just your average walking red flag. I had actually forgotten about him till she showed me the picture. I don't particularly hate him or anything, I just don't like him. He made me uncomfortable back then, and the idea of having to see him again, at my wedding nonetheless, isn't really nice. I feel like it would put a shadow over what is supposed to be an amazing day. I advised her against dating the guy, but she is convinced that he is different now. Which I could believe, it's been four years, if he hadn't also dated her best friend a year ago, which also didn't go well. Whatever, her decision. But she seems sure about taking this dude to the wedding, where my partner and I agree he is not welcome. I would just be uncomfortable having him there. Problem is, everyone else gets a plus one. There is about three other people who would be using the plus one for a partner we haven't met yet, everyone else we know personally. My partner and I would have probably just let her take any other crusty guy she happened to be dating at the time, just for peace keeping sake, but not this particular one. I now wonder: Will I (we) be the asshole for not giving only her a plus one for the wedding to prevent her from taking this dude? Edit: I don't consider the guy an Ex, since our entire time of contact was 4 weeks max, maybe less. We met over a dating app and most of our contact was over text. We only met in person twice.

PigletIndividual946

WIBTA if I don't give a plus one to my SIL

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18afw2u/wibta_if_i_dont_give_a_plus_one_to_my_sil/

18afw2u

I (23F) live with a roommate (25F) that owns the house. We had previously agreed upon a set amount for renting two rooms and a bathroom and her agreeing that she wasn’t going to rent to anyone else. Now apparently there is going to be another roommate moving into this other bedroom I was using as a study room. I’m not sure what happened but I feel like this is ignoring our agreement/contract. I am a very non- confrontational person and sensitive so I’ve just gone along with everything to avoid a problem, also because I felt like I had to and expected we would revisit the amount for rent if she did this. I had to move all my things into my room and clean it for her this week starting the day she told me which interfered with my job and activities this week. I was given a 5 day notice but the roommate might not be moved in fully until later in the month the timeframe isn’t set. She expects me to pay the full amount even though I now am renting only one room and sharing a bathroom which is not what we agreed on. Would IBTA if I asked for rent to be lowered?

teachingmua

AITA for wanting rent reduced?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18afx1t/aita_for_wanting_rent_reduced/

18afx1t

Me 25(F) and my bf 32(M) have been together for 7 years and now have a 2 month old baby. He is a great dad and very helpful with the baby and sometimes with cooking. I am exclusively breastfeeding and it is very hard to keep up with the chores. Sometimes he mentions I should start adapting better and manage better my new ‘ routine’ but nothing serious. His mom stayed with us for a month after the baby was born. She helped with things around the house and cooked lunch whereas I cooked for dinner. However when my bf would work till late she wouldn’t cook anything for lunch and I would starve until 7/8 pm( my baby always wanted to breastfeed during lunch time, I barely had time to eat let alone cook). now that she is at her own home( another country) she doesn’t text me at all, same my sisters in law since MIL is gone( they used to text me at least every day). I have texted them 2 or three times a week and their replies have been very cold and bland . We didn’t have the best energy with each other( we have a 40 year gap) but I was very respectful and didnt argue not one time. I am considering of letting my bf know that his family has stopped talking to me I just don’t know how. My sister is now here to see the baby and brought as a gift an Advent Calendar. I caught messages of my bf with his family telling them my sister is broke( she is still a student) and bought us a stupid box as a gift and they laughed at her on the chat. I am very sad and frustrated. I am not mad at his family since he is the one initiating it. I am very disappointed in him. But of course I cannot tell him I checked his phone. What do I do? Do I think of breaking up? How do I approach him? P.s. our relationship is great, we get along well. The only thing I don’t like is the way his family treats and sees me and the way he sees my family. I think it is very disrespectful towards me.

Lucky-Beginning9771

AITA for thinking of leaving my baby daddy?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18afzky/aita_for_thinking_of_leaving_my_baby_daddy/

18afzky

I hadn’t spoken to this guy for a long time. He just messaged me out of the blue asking if he could borrow money because he’s in debt and he’s promised to pay me back next week, swearing on this, swearing on that. I told him I’m not going to lend him money and then he started guilting me but I stood firm. He showed me screenshots of the threats he was getting and asked if I could sleep at night should the threats toward him be followed through, I just said that I was sorry it was happening to him but I can’t help him and left it at that. He keeps calling me and messaging me to the point where I couldn’t be polite anymore, I sent him an explicit text basically telling him that we aren’t friends and he’s only messaging me for money not for anything else and then he stopped.

AstronomerFearless43

AITAH for turning down a former co-worker who contacted me after 7 years needing money to pay debts

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ag11z/aitah_for_turning_down_a_former_coworker_who/

18ag11z

My (16f) brother (19m) was in an inpatient care facility for 6ish months. He’s doing well now and looks back at his time positively. He recently started dating this girl, Kelly 19, and invited her over for dinner. She was fine, a little odd but fine. Anyways, mom was a little stressed the other night and was laying on the couch in the living room. When my brother came home (he announced his presence), she told him that his meds were in the kitchen. He made a weird noise that sounded like he was complaining which made mom angry and she said “your doctor says you need them, we had this fight before and look where it landed you.” Turns out, he wasn’t complaining because of the meds but because his girlfriend was there as well. She wasn’t in mom’s line of sight and mom had her eyes closed as well so she had no idea. Not even I knew until my brother literally walked into the living room and I saw Kelly was with him. My brother looked annoyed and glared at mom before taking Kelly up to his room. Not even an hour later she left the house. My brother then started yelling at mom for “exposing” him like that with absolutely no regard for his feelings. She apologized and said she had no idea Kelly was there. He said it doesn’t matter and that mom still fucked up and ruined their relationship by telling the whole world that “he’s pretty much crazy.” Mom kept apologizing but I took her hand and pulled her into the kitchen. I mean c’mon? Kelly and him have been dating for a month… it was barely a relationship and if he wanted to keep his mental health struggles a secret they were never going to work out. Besides, I get she might’ve been surprised… but if she really left him because he had to do an inpatient thing for a bit then she wasn’t right for him anyways. I said this to him but he said it still wasn’t mom’s secret to tell. I told him that she didn’t tell her anything, it was an accident. There is no need to be so harsh towards her when she’s been his biggest support system. Even this accident came from a place of love. I asked him if he was even the slightest bit grateful for our mom. She apologized, and yet all she said was your medication is in the kitchen. If he really wanted to, he could’ve made up some lie but ultimately it’s him who told Kelly about why he needs to take meds and where he ended up last time. I told him to get over himself to which he responded with “fuck you, you don’t fucking get it.” He then stormed off to his room. I’m just so angry. I get being upset and even annoyed at mom, but he’s not a baby. He can understand that it was an accident. He doesn’t need to get all up in her face and treat her like garbage over a month old relationship. Still, I guess I don’t get it and mom even said she should’ve been more careful (bs imo). Dad agrees with me though… AITA?

throwaway7101A

AITA for snapping at my brother for yelling at our mom?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ag275/aita_for_snapping_at_my_brother_for_yelling_at/

18ag275

Okay so I (f18) met a guy (m22) who told me he loved me after we had met just two times. We met in a bar, we talked and had good time together. We exchanged snapchats and talked how we should meet up again. We met a week later and we watched a movie and slept together. He told me many times how he loved me so much and he would be sad if I didn’t see him again. It made me uncomfortable cause we had just met and I said that he should stop saying that but he didn’t. The next morning he asked if we were best friends or friends with benefits and that was my last straw. In that moment I felt my feelings for him disappeared and after a couple of days, I sented him a chat saying how we should not meet again. He got sad and said that he would change for me but I just told him that it doesn’t work like that. Then he told me how I hurted him deeply but he understood stood what I meant. Idk I feel like I made the right decision but I feel bad for hurting him. AITA?

OkError2649

AITA for leaving a guy who told me he loved me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ag6wd/aita_for_leaving_a_guy_who_told_me_he_loved_me/

18ag6wd

I 22M just recently separated from my ex 23F after a 5 year long relationship. She ended it over the phone while I was out of town for work. About a month after we seperated. She came by my place to pick up her things and I asked her if we could talk. She seemed to reluctantly agree. We talked for awhile but she kept checking her phone and getting more frequently distracted. I asked if everything was alright and she just answered that an old mutal friend of ours (I'll call him Adam) was mad at her. I enquiried why. She said I wouldn't like her answer. I wanted to be there for her and maybe keep some sort of friendship between us. I said she could tell me anything and I saw reluctants in her face so I reassured her everything would be alright. After a long pause she sighed and told me. What she said made my heart just drop. She told me that Adam was mad at her becuase she slept with his brother (who Ill call Blake). I was pretty upset by how fast she was able to sleep with someone new after our break up. Especially after she never wanted to do anything sexual and told me she thought she was asexual. No matter how hurt I was I still wanted to try and be there for her the best I could. I asked why Adam would be mad at her over that. It didnt make sense why he would care. I wasn't what she dropped on me next. She casually and bluntly just stated she and Adam were hooking up for awhile. Adam was the one who convinced her to break up with me. Ive always expected there was something going on between them but i never said anything. I was beyond angry at this point. But I kept my cool. I asked her how long it had been going on and she just said it was none of my business. So I told her to take her things and leave. She made a snarky remark about how she knew I would be mad. I told her. That her not confirming when she and Adam started sleeping together implies that she cheated on me. She got mad at this and stormed out. After this I blocked her, her family and Adam on all social media. My friends think im over reacting and should give her a chance. Am I the asshole?

No_Research8304

AITA for accusing my ex of cheating?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18agd48/aita_for_accusing_my_ex_of_cheating/

18agd48

I 41f have been dating my partner 47m for 4 years. This entire time I have always been second string to his job, friend’s and his children and cousin! When I met him I was going through a difficult time in my own career and finances so I admit I didn’t really think I was worthy of a man like him. Fast forward to 2022 when I lost our son at 22 1/2 weeks pregnancy, prior to his loss my partner was searching for a house. He was sending everyone but me to look for these houses and every deal fell through! After I lost my son he finally took me house hunting with him and the house I viewed with him he now owns. Needless to say he has lived in this house for a year now and I just received a key to it. Meanwhile his cousin and 2 daughters all have keys and have had them from the beginning. Well I do the cleaning it’s a pretty big house and I’ve tried to remain supportive even though I could never see me putting someone I love in the situation he put me in. Well his cousin has a habit of coming in the home while we are sleeping and it pisses me off! I don’t mind that he is close to them I do mind that he hasn’t set boundaries for them! I don’t know why she needs to enter his home when we could be doing anything especially entering the home unannounced! Here’s the kicker he allowed his cousin to set up a bedroom in his home even though she has her own house! At this point they should all sleep together and I need to move on with a man who has a more healthy family dynamic because this is just too close for comfort! She is also making design changes things that I would have liked to do as a couple! Also his adult daughters act like his woman as well often communicating with him in a way that is disrespectful. This whole situation is a turn off and makes him look weak! At this point I’m over this man and his family and i’m upset it took me 4 years plus the remainder of my thirties to know this was not a healthy situation for me! I low-key despise myself for accepting this nonsense and wish I never met him!

Sickofthebarriers

AITA for despising my BF family dynamic?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ageog/aita_for_despising_my_bf_family_dynamic/

18ageog

At the time of this story I was about 13, and my cousin was 14. The hous ewas structured with a large back room that connected tobthe kitchen, living room, and our shared room. The tv would shine towards us but anywhere past the tv cabinet at night would be pitch black. My cousin and I watched the exorcism of Emily Rose. For those who don't know the movie, its a horror movie that delves into the theory of possession vs depression and psychology. I got up to go to the bathroom, and while I was gone, I guess she went to grab a drink. I got back before her, and my evil 13 year old gremlin self had the most evil idea. I rolled an old yoga ball we had at the time into our shared room, and i waited in pitch black behind the bedroom door so she wouldn't see me. She got back, and I waited for her to sit and get comfy, then started the psychological terror. I started with simple little taps against the wall and keeping in mind: the hoise was older. It creaked at night wed hear tapping from possums scurrying around in the roof, and I heard her say 'what the fuck?', so I paused so she didnt come check. Once she settled down again, I started tap tap tapping again, then stopped. At this point, shes freaking out, but she can't tell if it's old house noises or if it's her imagination. Well, this next part I didn't mean to happen. I positioned myself just out of sight in the doorway of our room, yoga ball at the ready. My idea was just to gently push it so it would roll out *slowly*. Well, I guess I pushed it harder than I thought because that ball went FUCKING FLYING, and god knows how Mum and Dad didn't hear her because the sound she made was of sheer terror, shrill with fear. She shouts "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?" And proceeds to duck into the corner between the lounge and wall, well away from our bedroom door, bawling her eyes out in absolute terror. I feel guilty at this point because I didn't actually mean to send the ball flying like that and duck my head out to see if she's ok. "Was that you?!" She asked me, her cheeks puffy and eyes red with tears streaming down her face, and I just nodded with my evil little gremlin laugh. "Fuck you!" She shouted at me, turned off the movie, and she slept on the lounge that night. So reddit, AITA?

Ok_Narwhal_3281

AITA for scaring my cousin after we watched the exorcism of Emily Rose?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18agqxn/aita_for_scaring_my_cousin_after_we_watched_the/

18agqxn

I (25F) have two cats. One is happy to stay indoors all the time, but the other one likes to go outside. Unfortunately, building a cat in closure is not possible due to the layout of our garden (it would stop us from being able to access the garden) so when I let her go outside, I put her on a harness and a lead and I tie her lead to the fence. She has no issue being in the harness, and the lead is long enough that she can still get inside to reach her food, water, litter tray, and get away from any animals that might come into the garden. She also doesn’t go out on her own, my husband and I are always with her so we can make sure she doesn’t get stuck on anything and choke herself. My dad came to visit recently, and my daughter wanted to play in the snow outside, so this was a great time to let the cat have some outside time too. However, after my dad saw her on the lead, he kicked off, saying that it was cruel and I should just let my cat wander as much as she wants. I tried to explain that as we live off a very busy main road, I don’t want to take the risk that she would jump over the wall and get squashed by a car, but he wouldn’t listen. Now I’m wondering whether or not it would be better to just keep her inside all the time, as I don’t want to do something that could be cruel to my cat. AITA?

New-Pea-3721

AITA for having my cat on a lead?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ah0nl/aita_for_having_my_cat_on_a_lead/

18ah0nl

So I'll start with saying I'm changing names on the people involved. It started a few years ago, my younger sister Danielle had only seen my new son once, she then made arrangements to visit, I had text a few days prior to see if she needed picking up or was OK with the bus, no response. I tried again, no response. I text her boyfriend to see what's up, he said that Danielle felt pressured to see my son, he was nearly 1 year old at this stage. I asked what i could do to let her know there's no pressure. He said to give her time. Its been a year and a half and still no text. I have now heard that she is homeless and staying with friends. I have reached out to mutuals who are in constant contact with her to find out more. I said I still don't want to pressure her but I have a bed in my house that she can use, but I want an apology for how she was and the fact she ignored her nephew. The bed is not on offer only if I get an apology, the bed is there regardless, but I'm letting my feeling be known that I want an apology for my son and the fact he has had no relationship with his aunt. I simply said I think it's best we talk about everything as if she is staying in my house, it will help with any tensions. I'm being told to forget about an apology and just offer the bed as my son doesn't understand anyway and I'm preventing him from having an aunt. I have never stopped her coming here, but I also haven't reached out as I don't want to pressure her. So reddit, AITA? Edit: Just adding why she felt pressured as people have asked. Sorry for not sharing this earlier. So basically, she hadn't turned up a few times after my son was born, and then eventually, another sibling spoke with her and got her to visit. Danielle then contacted me when my son was about 8 months old and said she would visit in the next couple of weeks. I agreed that worked for me. I text her after a week asking when she was thinking, so I knew when she was comingnor if she needed to be picked up, etc. I got no reply. I text a few days after that, and again, no reply, I text after the 2 weeks had passed, asking if she was still planning on coming, and again, no response. That's when I was told I was pressuring her by her bf.

SignificantBoss7719

AITA for not offering a bed to my homeless sister?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ah2km/aita_for_not_offering_a_bed_to_my_homeless_sister/

18ah2km

I(m23) live with my wife(f23) she’s pregnant with our second kid. She’s 38 weeks pregnant. Yesterday she was cleaning all day long. This morning I got all of our extra stuff and took it to storage in the rain. After that I sat on the couch and played video games. Throughout the day I would ask if she needed help with tasks like laundry and vacuuming and other things just generally asking if she needed help with anything around the house. She told me no. I asked around 20 more times throughout the day. Every time it was a no. When she was done cleaning she then started to yell at me about how lazy I am and how I never help her around the house. I asked her why she said no when I asked her if she needed help. She said it was because she wanted to see if i would do it anyway even if she said no. I told her that makes no sense at all and if she just needed help she just had to say yes during one of the may times I asked. She says that she shouldn’t have to ask me to clean. But she never asked I always offered she always says no. We got into an argument over it and now she’s calling family members for validation. I don’t understand how Ita if I offer help and you don’t take it I don’t see that as my fault pregnant or not if my wife says she can handle then I believe she can.

No_Inside_8131

AITA My wife is pregnant and says I don’t help her around the house

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ah4jo/aita_my_wife_is_pregnant_and_says_i_dont_help_her/

18ah4jo

English is not my native language and I don't live in the States, I will try to convert the currency so that it makes sense. My girlfriend (30 F) and I (35 M) have been together for almost 3 years, and lived together for 2. I lived by myself in the suburbs when we started dating, it's close to where I work and I like the surroundings. She moved in after a year of dating, it was during Covid lockdown so it made sense for both of us. I never asked her for rent because I figured I rented the place for myself, I pay the same rent whether she is here or not. It's not a very big place but we get by. A year ago she got a great new job with much better pay, the only problem was that it was in the center of the city, and the commute is long and tiring (because everyone goes that direction in the morning). I drive and she doesn't, so she's been doing combination of bus + subway + taxi for almost a year. Not only is it long and tiring, her monthly commute cost is almost as much as my rent (!). So she's been bugging me to move into the city, and get a bigger/nicer place together. It's the city so what she wants will cost about twice my current rent (or a little more than my rent + plus her commute expense combined). Now here comes the problem, she said she can cover half the rent if we move, but I don't want to move if I have to pay more for commute (I drive so the commute will be more tolerable than hers, also going into the suburbs in the morning there isn't much traffic, but still it will be the difference between driving for 40 mins every morning instead of 10 mins) and I am not saving any money and time. It's a nice gesture but moving and changing my work routine is such a hassle, I think it's only fair if she pays maybe 2/3 of the rent and I pay 1/3, because that way we both get something out of it. I make a little more than her, but she can afford to pay even all the city rent with no problem. AITA for insisting she pays more than half the rent if she wants to move?

Polien_Net8792

AITA for asking my gf to pay more than half the rent?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ah8k4/aita_for_asking_my_gf_to_pay_more_than_half_the/

18ah8k4

Three years ago we bought a new-to-us minivan to replace a 15 yr old top-of-the-line minivan. My father had terminal cancer and their van was falling apart and in poor shape. I asked my parents if they would be interested in the van. My 17 yr old son was using it, but we also had a beat up sedan he could use, and even though he preferred the van he understood Grandpa needed it. My younger brother got wind and posted a Kelly blue book screenshot of a lower model showing an $1.8k value to the family chat. (To keep me from ripping them off). Online comparable vehicles were found listed at $4-7k. It was not about money, so I sold it for $1k (Dad would not just take out of pride) because I wanted to help. My Dad passed 2 yrs ago. They put 60k miles on, many for treatment 90 miles away. My Mom just bought a new car, and I found out last night she was in the process of selling the van. My nephew (21 college student) told her he would help her sell it. Asked her what she was going to list for and she said $2.5k, without researching. He said he would detail it first and asked to keep the excess above $2.5 k. My Mom just found out he listed for over $6k. Comps and KBB are showing up between $5k and 7k. My son (20 college) is still driving the beater sedan. I told my Mom I was upset and asked her to cancel the agreement with my nephew. I would buy the van back for my son to drive. He could then sell for the profit rather than my nephew. Just thought it was BS for my brother to accuse me of wanting to rip off my Parents when I was giving the a sweet deal and then his son tries to rip off my Mom. So now instead of selling the car for $5k and pocketing the money, I am down -1.5k to get the car back. I know my nephew and brother are going to be pissed and may not willingly give the car back to my Mom.

Critical_Volume1974

AITA for asking my Mom for first option to buy back a van I sold to her well below market value?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahatv/aita_for_asking_my_mom_for_first_option_to_buy/

18ahatv

Would I be thee asshole for deciding my husband's family can not be part of our kids life?? I (27f) am 30 weeks pregnant and live with my husband (26m). We have been married for only a few months and we've dated for 3 years. Everything was great prior to us getting married and especially me falling pregnant. It seemed like his family loved me. I'd sleep over on weekends and be invited to join on vacations. I would only spend weekends with him cos we lived a long distance away from each other and both have demanding jobs. (Background): His parents are very strict and religious. But my husband would often tell me they're not judgmental. His mum is a nurse too. When I fell pregnant everything changed. They never asked how me or baby were doing but always wanted to know where and when the deed was done. His mom never looked at my records after appointments and never cared about our health. They would often look at me disgustingly and always make comments about what I wore or how I looked. So me and hubby decided to get married before baby comes so that we could build a stable home and raise our kid together. The wedding was disastrous. His family contributed absolutely nothing and invited guests of their own (people who didn't even know my name) and their speeches were completely disrespectful towards me. Me and my family ended up funding the whole wedding. Now we're living together in the granny flat on their property and all they do is make fun of me in front of their guests and his mom openly disrespects me. I was rushed to hospital one night for complications with my pregnancy and they never asked what happened or if we're okay. Hubby only wants us to stay there in the meantime so that we can save up for our own house (we basically pay nothing for rent). We don't necessarily see them everyday but when we do they don't have anything good to say to me about my pregnancy. And tbh I don't think their interested in our kid whatsoever. I've decided that once the kid is born they will not be able to visit the hospital after birth or be part of the kids life. Does that make me an asshole?

Arch_Nemesis14

WIBTA to my in-laws??

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahdq1/wibta_to_my_inlaws/

18ahdq1

My sons (5) dad (my ex) got him an ipad for his birthday. He brings it to and from his dads house to ours. I only let him use it for about 1 hour a day. My step son (9) wants to use it too but I dont think my son should have to share. If my son wants to give him a turn then thats great but I dont think my step son should be guaranteed time on it. My husband is very upset and has said that it would be a waste to get two because my son is still little anyways and my step son could use it after his hour is up.

Beneficial_Force_123

AITA for not making my son share his ipad?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahfle/aita_for_not_making_my_son_share_his_ipad/

18ahfle

I’m m 38 bi Currently in long term relationship with f 29 My partner wants us to spend about a week at least at her folks for the holidays, I’m heavily urinary incontinent, and wear adult incontinence aids 24/7 I try to keep this aspect of my life as secretive as possible, the last time we spent several nights there. They were unaware of my incontinence issues, but one night after heavy drinking despite wearing protection to bed had a bad leak and soaked the sheets and linen and mattress, obviously felt embarrassed and guilty about it, I dealt with the soiled bedding myself, but not without her parents noticing, so my partner explained my incontinence condition to her folks which is fine, but for the duration of the visit, they made passive aggressive comments and so called jokes, like “ remember and make sure he has his nappy/ diaper on properly before bed” I haven’t stayed overnight since then, now partner falling out with me for not wanting to stay there for holiday break, AITA?

Link-Hyrule-Hero

AITA for not wanting spend Xmas holidays at parters parents

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahhg3/aita_for_not_wanting_spend_xmas_holidays_at/

18ahhg3

I was playing with him recently some games with one plus of my friends and he started singing/doing sounds with his mouth. He knows that it gives me headaches but he keeps continuing doing them to the point I got mad and yelled/screamed at him to shut the fuck up. Then he got mad and left the call. So am I the asshole for that? I've been telling him for over a year that his singing and making sounds like chewing gives me headaches. So, Am I the asshole or not? ​

ididos_brownie

AITA for telling my friend to shut the fuck up because he kept singing and making sounds (chewing to be specific) with his mouth?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahj6g/aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_shut_the_fuck_up/

18ahj6g

I’m F 20 I have 3 sisters a twin sister a 17yr old sister and an 11yr sister I am the oldest. My 11yr sister has started secondary school and she was fine going in for the first month now, she is refusing to go in. She either will go in, in the afternoon or not at all. There have been times such as more recently when she hasn’t gone to school for weeks in a row. My parents have tried to get her in to school, they’ve tried bribing her and they’ve been to the school for meetings with the teachers to see if they can help. Which I think the teachers did put a plan in place for her but she still refuses to go. They have also tried taking her phone and laptop away and, they’ve also tried to ask her why she doesn’t want to go in. They either get no response or she’ll say she just doesn’t want to. She was kinda like this in primary school during the last year but she’s way worse now. So, because of the way she acts at times she’s actually seen a few doctors and mental health advisers to be tested for adhd and autism. As she displays some of the characteristics which, have all came back negative so apparently there’s nothing up even tho we all think something is wrong. As you can imagine this causes a lot of arguments (really bad arguments) because she’s just naughty and her attitude and the way she talks to people is horrible. My mom especially keeps getting me involved which I can’t do anything about her not wanting to go to school. She doesn’t listen to me and doesn’t listen to my parents and it’s just very stressful because I get told off because she won’t get ready. My mom keeps on to me about it even tho there’s literally nothing I can do. I’ve spent the whole of this morning crying because of the arguments and stressing. My dad when he gets angry he gets angry if u get what I’m saying so, when my moms at work I have to try and stop him from going mad. My sister doesn’t care she still plays up again causing huge arguments. I also work and I’m at uni and I can’t get nothing done cuz on my days off I have to try and get my sister to school. I can’t sleep because my sister will not go to bed she caused arguments about that. I wake up to shouting and screaming all the time. It just gets on my nerves why, they can’t ask my other sisters to help idk. It’s always me it’s ever chaotic and very stressful my sister doesn’t cooperate, she just shouts and starts arguing. Everyone is always shouting and are always miserable and I can’t stand it. If I had the money I would happily leave.

bigslay2003

AITA for not wanting to care for my sister?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahl12/aita_for_not_wanting_to_care_for_my_sister/

18ahl12

I (28f) have been married to my husband, (42m) for 2 years, together for 4. He has 3 children from a previous marriage, Lucas (18m), Lily (16f) and Kayla (13f). While I do not dislike children, I don't want children of my own, and I made this very clear to him when we dated. This wasn't an issue because he only got his children for a weekend a month, because they live far away from us. I made it very clear that I didn't want to take care of his children, apart from the occasional weekend. For the past 4 years I have tried my best to be a good stepmother, and have built a good relationship with my stepson Lucas and stepdaughter Kayla, but I am unable to build a relationship with Lily. I've tried to take her out for girls days, shopping sprees and fun outings. She either refuses to go or complains the whole time. The last straw was when I got her something from her wishlist last Christmas ( a bracelet that she wanted), and she threw it away, saying that I got her the wrong one and I was too poor to understand the difference. She then accused me of only marrying her father for his money. I usually don't let her comments get to me, but this was the last straw. After this I stopped trying to interact with her and maintain my distance. The truth is I didn't marry my husband for his money. We both work in high paying tech jobs but I inherited a lot from my parents. I even agreed to pay for part of Lucas' tuition. Anyways, Lily and Kayla want to move to a better school the next school year. The school is closer to our home than their mother's so my husband said that they should live with us. I don't mind living with Kayla, but I don't want to be around Lily. My husband goes to work 4 days a week while I work from home so I'll constantly have to be around Lily and I refuse to do that. I dont mind being around Kayla, but not Lily. I told my husband all this and he called me an ah, and we've been fighting ever since. He says i need to step up as a stepmother and I cant let a teenager hurt me. Lily has been in tears, saying it's not fair that I want Kayla but not her, and her mother is on her side. So am i the asshole **Edit: to all the people saying i signed up for this when i married a man with kids, my husband led me to believe that he never wanted full custody of them, and if anything were to happen to their mother their aunt would get custody. He has never been close to his children and has said he regrets having them. On the weekends they were with us I spent more time with them. His reaction has me blindsided. I have suggested therapy and family therapy but my husband is very against therapy, so that is not an option. I have asked husband to talk to Lily but he doesn't want to get involved. If her behaviour changes, even a little, I have no problem letting her live with us, but the fact that husband and his ex refuse to talk to her about her behaviour and the fact that i need to be around her all day is terrifying to me. Both of us come from a culture where it's normal to marry a man older and better settled, so our age gap didn't come as a shock to anyone. At the time of his first marriage he was 23 while his ex was 18 **Edit 2: My husband leaves for work at 8 am and comes home at 8pm. The kids are in school from 8 am to 2 pm, so i have to parent them alone from 3ish to 8 and that is not something I want to do. When we got married I said I wouldn't take on any parenting responsibilities and I stand by it. He refuses to work from home like me or get home sooner.

IcyTap6812

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahsgb/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_stepdaughter_live/

18ahsgb

I recently started going for walks around the neighbourhood, as part of my new commitment to trying to keep fit. I noticed that my routine coincides with that of a lady who lives down the street. She walks her two dogs (Great Dane and chocolate Labrador) every morning. Now, I really enjoy her company. We chat and have a lot in common. After walking together (accidentally) a few times, she asked if I wanted to make it a regular thing, which I was fine to do. The only problem I noticed after doing a full walk with her is her dogs. She keeps them on those retractable leashes, but lets them stop every ten seconds to explore and do their business, and it's really annoying. The Dane poops up to three times on most walks. I didn't even think that was possible for a dog, I don't think that's healthy. That means she's left carrying like 3-4 bags of dog shit. The other day she asked me to hold it (I refused), after which she put it in some random person's trash on the street. The other thing is that she lets the dogs go into people's yards, which is frankly rude and embarrassing. Yesterday one of the dogs went in through a gated (albeit open gate) fence and into someone's yard, and proceeded to poop in their bushes. I noticed the owner come out of his house, and I began profusely apologising. My friend just gave him a friendly wave as if nothing was amiss. I don't think she actually understands how her behaviour is affecting others. It's not only the embarassment, but the fact that it's not convenient to stop every five seconds for them to both pee on every mailbox, tree, fence, bush, wall, and lawn that we pass. It's really annoying. I told her this, politely, and said that it's more efficient for me to go myself. I didn't even mention the disgusting other stuff. She was taken aback and yelled at me, saying that it's her personality and I'm not 'game enough' to confront her for being an unlikable person. I really like her, it's just the fact that it's not convenient nor fun for me to walk with her dogs. AITA?

PieceMajestic9715

AITA for not wanting to go on a walk with my friend because of her dogs?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahtra/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_on_a_walk_with_my/

18ahtra

I (27F) and my husband (27m) have a baby boy who is 6 months old. His 2 brothers have kinds too (3/3/1 year old). His aunt has a disabled son (25m) who I will call Jimmy. Jimmy is Physically and mentally disabled (he is like a 5 year old boy can't properly walk/hold things ect.). I really love Jimmy and I am trying to do everything to make him happy but since I had my baby I can't focus on what he wants if that affects what my baby needs. For example he want to play with his ball and some card games (he doesn't understand the rules everyone just throws a card until its done) all the time. The problem is if I feed my baby or he is sleeping in my arms or anything else I can't play with him because I have my hands full. I think he does understand it a bit but he doesn't stop saying I should play with him until my husband tells him to leave me alone. But then Jimmys mom will freak out and yell at us and tell us we should do what jimmy wants but I simply CANT. (he always rotates on which he wants to play with but we all have kids so im not the only one who this happens with). Jimmys mom says that we are all mean and shouldn't come over to her house if we only want to bring negative energy and make her baby sad. None of us is trying to make Jimmy sad and I really think (I know him for 8 years) that he understands if you tell him loud and clear but his mom just wants him to have everything and therefore just tells us to do what he wants and then Jimmy is confused plus he knows if his mom is there he gets everything he wants (if we are alone with him this doesn't happen because if we tell him 3 times we can't play he says ok and goes on). The last straw was when we were on vacation at Jimmys Family's Beach house which has a pool. We were all there but Jimmy got sick because he has a weaker immune system than we have. We and the 4 kids wanted to go into the pool because it was like 100 degrees outside but Jimmys mom said we can't because Jimmy can't and that's unfair (Edit: she wanted us to sit inside and play games with Jimmy but how do you tell 4 kids that they can't go swimming bc Jimmys sick?). Fair enough I understand that but it was so hot and the kids wanted to go swimming so we told her we will go to the beach and then she said but we have to take Jimmy with us because he wants to come too witch doesn't make sense because 1 he can't go into the water what are we supposed to do with him and 2 we have 4 kids and no time to take care of him especially if we go swimming with kids with is dangerous. Everyone looked around and no one wanted to say anything so my husband and I told her the reasons why we can't take him with us. Jimmys mom freaked out and said that we are bullying her son and are treating him bad and not equally because he is disabled and I told her that we can't treat him equally because he is disabled it doesn't make any sense. Then I told her we could say we go somewhere not fun so he wants to stay at home and watching tv. She told me I am being a bad human being for lying to him so that he doesn't want to come and that we are excluding him and she throw us out of the house. So AITA?

LilaA2

AITA for not caring what my husband disabled cousin wants

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahu7y/aita_for_not_caring_what_my_husband_disabled/

18ahu7y

I (23F) didn't go to my friend's (26F) birthday party and now she is mad. Let's start at the beginning. My friend (that we will call Chloe) was planning a birthday trip away to a different city for the weekend. I told her that I could only come on Sunday because I had a class on Saturday morning and wanted to save money. So, it was agreed I would come for a day trip on Sunday. Moving forward a couple of weeks. I had decided to make plans to have a date with my boyfriend (who I don't see often) on the Saturday after my class. As from my knowledge, I thought Chloe and our friends had booked things for the weekend trip. \*note this date plan was planned a while ago and both of us were just waiting for a day we would both be free for it\* Then a few weeks later, the week of Chloe's birthday weekend, everything changed. Chloe has decided to stay in the city we all live in and have a party on Saturday night instead. After I heard this, I told her I had plans and that her changing her plans was too last minute for me. She wasn't happy about it but I couldn't cancel on my boyfriend after not seeing him for so long. Then on Saturday during my class, Chloe texts me a ridiculously long message with really mean words, basically telling me I am the worst friend for not coming to her party. But how was I going to be able to message her back? I was in class and after class, I had my date. She hadn't messaged me the many days before. So, I didn't message her back until the next day. This obviously aggravated Chloe because she then gave me the silent treatment for many days. Then after that, she exploded and texted me horrible things again. Saying things like I was inconsiderate and didn't care, that how can she call me a friend, and so on. We kept talking in circles until I said that we should talk it out. Which she agreed. On the day we met, she walked in with so much anger, telling me to "speak up" and "you're so quiet". I explained my side once again (that she had changed the location last minute, that I couldn't make it to the party, and that I was always free on only Sunday). Chloe then told me that I was not a real friend and that if I was "the boy" should've come second. She also asked how I would've felt if she had gone on a date with her boyfriend on my birthday party? However, I wouldn't have cared. After there was lots of silence and it was so awkward and I'm sure she felt it too. Now I'm feeling confused, I don't understand her. I would've understood if I had not gone if the party had been planned in advance, but it wasn't. Even after I explained my side she is still really mad at me. What do you think? AITA?

eciex

AITA for not going to my friend's birthday party

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahwkn/aita_for_not_going_to_my_friends_birthday_party/

18ahwkn

For context: my girlfriend lives away from her parents and since I’m a masters student I now live back with mine. I’m half caucasian half Middle Eastern (far more brown than white though) and she is caucasian. We have been dating for over half a year now and a month or two ago I met her family at a gathering. All was going well until we went back to their house with some extended family and while all cracking jokes her dad said to me “I heard you might have a gun on you?” To which I said “who told you that?” My GF wasn’t in the room and her two cousins were with us and told him to stop being an asshole, which stopped it all there. After my girlfriend returned I told her the weird incident and didn’t really think too much into it… she then took me somewhere private and told me that when we first started dating she was telling her family all about me at another gathering and her father said “oh yeah how’s that Ni***r of yours getting on?” Apparently the whole family was shocked and just stayed silent for a few minutes. I obviously felt very uncomfortable and unsafe in that house but kept trying to understand why it was said and prompted her further… she told me that he said he liked me in the bar and that she thinks he’s very ignorant and that he’s very uneducated (didn’t finish school and works as a trade). As someone who studied psych I get this and understand that racism is learnt not innate. After that incident I said I’m not comfortable being there and don’t plan on going to her families house again for a long time. I was even tempted splitting up and openly had a conversation about this with her because my kids are going to be mixed race and that is the grandfather they’re ultimately going to have. Upon reflection I also recall her sister and one of her cousins asking at random points of the night “I see you met *the dad*, how was that?” And I said “yeah it was fine, why?” To which they both went “oh, he’s just very awkward like”. Fast forward to today and she’s saying she wants me to go to her family house at some point over the Christmas but I am opposed to being in the same room as her dad never mind staying under his roof. She said it was a bit unfair and that’s quite one sided since she’s thinking of potentially moving home. I told her I’d make the effort to travel to wherever closest to her but just not anything to do with her dad. She has since apologised and said she didn’t mean to pressure me and it’s completely understandable to not want to go to her parents house but that it’s upsetting. Obviously in an ideal situation I’d more than love to go to my girlfriend’s parents house for Christmas to socialise with siblings and what not. However, given the circumstances I really feel uncomfortable doing so. I’m not looking to validate my feelings but am I being irrational or should I just suck it up and maybe avoid him at family gatherings and hope he becomes less ignorant?

NightmareTomato

AITA for not wanting to associate with my GF racist dad at Christmas?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ahx8l/aita_for_not_wanting_to_associate_with_my_gf/

18ahx8l

In May, after my [25F] BILs [18M] graduation, my in-laws [55F, 53M] told us they were getting a divorce. They told us they had been separated since June but cohabiting for my BIL’s sake. They told us that we would still all have our family holidays together, like birthdays and Christmas. This helped lessen the blow a little bit. One of the few indicators ahead of time of the impending divorce was how much time my FIL was spending with his work friend Dia (fake name). In June, my FIL tells us that he is now dating Dia. He apologized that it seemed fast, but in his mind he had already been separated for a year. Over the months, FIL would invite us to do things with him and Dia. We appreciated the thought but we were not comfortable with Dia, so we accepted rarely. November, FIL tells us that he’s moving in with Dia. After Thanksgiving, my FIL invites us to have “second Thanksgiving” with him, Dia, her son, and BIL. At “second Thanksgiving” things are awkward. We’ve only talked to Dia a few times and haven’t talked to her son at all. Towards the end of the meal FIL tells us that he wants to discuss Christmas. For context, Christmas has always been a huge deal for my husbands family - they always go all out and have a huge Christmas celebration with our extended family and friends. FIL says that he can’t come to Christmas. He just can’t do it. Going forward, we won’t see him at functions without Dia. He tells us he wants us to have Christmas morning with him, Dia, and her son, and then later in the day we can go to the house to be with MIL and the rest of the family. BIL responds, he’s not going to abandon his mother on Christmas morning. He says that we can come visit FIL and Dia at some point during the day, but that we aren’t going to leave the Christmas we had known behind. My husband and I agree. My FIL is clearly upset by this but says he will have to “hash it out” with MIL. As the days go on I get more upset about what my FIL said. I’m mad because I feel like my FIL should suck it up and come to Christmas for his kids. I’m mad because FIL ambushed us with his Christmas plans when we were in front of Dia and her son to try to pressure us into saying yes. I’m mad because he lied about us still having family holidays together. I’m mad because FIL is prioritizing his new family over my husband and BIL. I feel like I should tell FIL this, but I don’t know if it’s even worth it at this point. I think it would mean more if my husband told him this, but he is not confrontational. WIBTA if I called out my FIL for not coming to Christmas?

DivorcedChristmas

WIBTA if I called out my FIL for not coming to Christmas?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18ai62w/wibta_if_i_called_out_my_fil_for_not_coming_to/

18ai62w

AITA: Ex GF accused me of attacking her AITA - 32(M) and now ex GF 39(F) together 4 years, accused me of attacking her months ago and now after she broke up with me says I’m threatening her. Quick background - ex GF has an army background (never served abroad) and had this unhealthy anxiety towards her pet dog, who sadly passed away 3 years ago which was extremely traumatic. Traumatic to the point where we had to sell our house to move to her hometown in a smaller property where I became isolated away from anyone and anything I knew. We had discussed having children and a family for 3-4 years, although she would at odd moments in our relationship come out and say she doesn’t want kids anymore, namely within a week of buying a £275k house together in her hometown. I initially put this down to her dog having cancer and the grieving process of going through treatment and her passing as later she would come round and say she wanted kids again. About 8 months ago when everything was fine with me and my now ex partner. There was a moment where she was unable to move her neck and shoulder whilst lying down, which at the time we didn’t know was caused by a birth defect( Klippel Feil ) and arthritis. I went to go support her and check what was going on. When I stood and went to physically support her, i may have briefly moved my hand and brushed her neck but the lightest of touches, she immediately started shouting and screaming out shouting ‘I’m attacking her’, ‘get out the room’, ‘to call her mum’ and she started crying. I was taken back almost immediately and stood shocked with initially hearing what she was saying and processing everything. She continued to shout at me and at that time I got agitated and i think in haste I shouted back I can’t deal with being accused in a relationship and left the room, agitated myself. I then after about 10 seconds of cooling down went back into the room to support and help her. I know my initial response wasn’t perfect and I do feel like I’m the one at fault here. To this day she won’t take any accountability for what she said whilst I’ve raised why she ever thought I was attacking her, which she says she knows I would never hurt her and I should just say sorry, to which I have.

ThisIsPB

AITA - ex girlfriend accused me of attacking her

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aicqk/aita_ex_girlfriend_accused_me_of_attacking_her/

18aicqk

So she owes me money for cleaning her house. Yesterday which was the day she was supposed to pay me, her phone has conveniently been shut off and I feel like she could have told me her phone was going to be off the day before. So obviously if she can't afford to pay her phone bill, she can't afford to pay me. I'm pissed off because I feel like it's just the principle of it. If you can't afford to pay someone, don't hire them to do a job. I'm thinking about showing up at her house and demanding that she pay me because part of me feels like she's just avoiding me. It doesn't matter that her phone is off. That should not stop her from going to put the money on her card to send it to me. I just can't shake this feeling like she's purposely avoiding me and I feel like showing up at her house and demanding that she pay me. I feel like if she knew ahead of time that she could not afford to pay me then she should have told me that. WIBTA if I do this?

Unusual_Focus1905

WIBTA if I show up at my friend's house who owes me money?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aicws/wibta_if_i_show_up_at_my_friends_house_who_owes/

18aicws

My boyfriend suggested i should move out of my parent's house because i am complaining about them all the time. He told me I should practice my independence I'm old already. I live in a third-world country with no college degree, it's difficult for me to be independent. I sell my artwork but it is not a regular income and not sustainable yet I decided to follow my boyfriend. I moved into an apartment with a housemate. The apartment cost 400 $ a month and my housemate and I split all the apartment bills until he moved out because he couldn't afford it anymore. I was left in the apartment with no regular income. I am constantly making art with no guarantee of a buyer. I asked my boyfriend to move with me to my apartment or else we should separate, so I could figure out my life alone, he felt forced and set an agreement of his budget of 90$ only, and if he will move with me I should pay for the rest of the 400$ a month. It was a win-win situation for me at that time. At first, we were okay and I was doing my best to pay for the larger amount of the rent until i realized I'm burned out of selling art with enough money to split the bills with him. My boyfriend doesn't have issues with making money. He gets money from their family business and he has regular clients of his skills which help him upgrade his material things. But he is not sensitive about my situation. I realized I need to move out and find an apartment I could afford and a housemate I can communicate my needs. He didn't want my idea because he wanted me to learn about the consequences of forcing him to move with him. And even if I was broke as fuck and the apartment was a mess, he is not concerned. He talked to me about my needs but at the end of the day, he would follow what he thought was right for us (but for me, it was always for him) because he felt unfair and wanted me to stay to learn about the consequence of forcing him to move with him. Am I the asshole here?

blobbylub

AITA for forcing my boyfriend to come live with me

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aie0u/aita_for_forcing_my_boyfriend_to_come_live_with_me/

18aie0u

So a few weeks ago me (F32) and my husband (M31) were at a friends wedding out of town. We have a large group of friends who all traveled to be there and we all stayed at the same hotel. We have several group chats, with the bigger circle, the smaller circle who see each other often and the guys have their own and the girls have one aswell. One of our friends had an old flame who was also attending this wedding and the night before the wedding they were planning to see each other. This guy has a history of "forgetting" condoms and we joked about it a bit and I told her I have her covered. My husband has a large penis, like absurdly big. I was due on and while it doesnt bother him, I insist we atleast use a condom. So we had plenty of sized up condoms at hand. I in my infinate wisdom thought it would be hilarious to slide one of them under her door. She opened it, unraveled it, and sent a picture to the girls chat, captioning it "WTF" Went down a storm, its not often I’m the funny one in the group so I rode the high. Until I told my husband and it did not get the reaction I thought it would have with him. He didnt think it was funny. And instead was lamenting over the fact that we see these people all the time and now he thinks everyones talking about him behind his back. I thought if anything he would be proud to let the world know? A few weeks have passed now, and his attitude hasnt changed. We all had breakfast together the day after the wedding and he said hes never felt so uncomfortable in his life and has made excuses to get out of social gatherings with them since. The girls think hes overreacting and its no big deal, and Ive told him several times its not a big deal, no ones talking about him. Hes still angry at me about it and I dont know what I can do to make it any better for him. AITAH?

AITAHThrowawa

AITAH for slipping my husbands condom under my friends door?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aie5p/aitah_for_slipping_my_husbands_condom_under_my/

18aie5p

ı (20F) am roommates with this girl (19F). We don’t get along that well. We are civil to each other but that’s that, we aren’t friends. Her birthday is in 2 days. She is turning 20 which is a big deal for her. I was wondering if I would be the asshole if I didn’t get her anything. Don’t get me wrong, I initially wanted to get dinner for the both of us but she is so busy going out with her friends that I doubt that she would even have time to sit with me. She is more of an outgoing person while I am shy without many friends so we haven’t really bonded over the last couple of months. Also my budget has been really tight these days. I have been looking for a new job as well since my job doesn’t pay well at all and I can barely afford to pay for food and my credit card bill. I really don’t have any money to spend on a nice dinner for her. Besides, she has many friends so my guess is that she will be pampered with gifts anyways, so I doubt that she would care if I didn’t get her anything but my aunt (35F) disagrees and says that I must have a special place in her life as her roommate and she would be offended if I didn’t get her anything. WIBTA if I didn’t get her anything?

Gold-Salary7547

WIBTA if I didn’t get my rommate anything for her birthday?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aifzz/wibta_if_i_didnt_get_my_rommate_anything_for_her/

18aifzz

We have open book exams. I(20m) brought my textbook but my friend(20m) forgot his. He only realized this when there was only 10 minutes left before the exam. He asked if he could borrow my money, run to the university bookstore and buy one. I told him yes and handed him some cash. He took off. He came back saying that the shop was close that day, returning the money to me. Then he asked if he could borrow my book. Here's the thing. I got 48/60 in the midterm exam and only needed 12/40 in the final to pass but I still told him no. I knew I would almost definitely get at least 20/40 without the book but I still wanted to be absolutely sure that I do the best I can. My friend got 30/60 in the midterm and needed at least 30/40. He said I was selfish for not letting him borrow when he needed it much more than I did, and that I probably didn't even need it at all. As it turned out, I only had to use the book to help with one of the four questions. I didn't tell him that, though. He was still mad at me after the exam.

Sirajhes

AITA for not letting my friend borrow my textbook for an exam?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aiimg/aita_for_not_letting_my_friend_borrow_my_textbook/

18aiimg

I met this guy 24M and lives in a different country, we met on social media and began a relationship instantly. Everything is long distance and he made plans to visit me one day and my family also. I am a 21F who is studying and working at the same time as a student support tutor and he is self employed meaning he has his own business where he buys and sells recycle matieral, he needs money and loans to run his business on a daily basis. Anyway after 1.5 months in a relationship which ended last July because of our differences, he remained friends with me on a platonic level, we speak every day and he is a good guy but he has financial issues ALL the time. When i first met him and dated him, i barely knew him and he spoke about how big his house is, how his brothers all have big cars and he's the flashy type on social media, him and his cousins post phones, money, cars a lot on their instagram stories. But after a while of getting to know him on a personal level, I realised it was all a facade. I have no issues with my man struggling and maybe once or twice I'll help him out but after I first gave him money last July after the breakup because he said he needed help with his work, it just became constant after that. Every 2 months or so, something would come up like how he owes others money and they're threatening him so he asks me to send him money. Each time I gave him $200, $300, $500 and at one point I even paid for his car which he needed. The total has now come up to $3500 which he owes me. I have been crying to him each time and telling him I need the money back, because I saved up around 4000 dollars in total in the last 2 years but I gave it to him. I also have a 2000 dollar loan which I need to pay in installments for my college and he knows this but has still put me in that position to ask. I always know when he's going to ask for money because it's always a sob story early in the morning, and he refuses to go work, he threatens to sell his car/phone to get money and all of this makes me feel guilty. I have given this man enough and he's not my boyfriend anymore and he lets me know each time he will marry soon in the future and I am thinking in my head, am i going to fund you and your wife too when you're married because he's a good guy and he's a friend of mine even though we had a past but he is financially irresponsible and is often in debt. This is the 11th time now he asked today, he said he needs money to buy matierals for his business and i said i am sorry i don't have anything. I am not cold hearted I understand people struggle but we are in a living crisis now and he is being selfish by putting his needs above my own. I asked for money back twice before because my laptop broke and i need it for school and he kept saying he will send me $200 to fix it but he never did. He speaks like it's his own money he is lending. I have given up asking but each time i bring it up, he says don't embarass me like that.

ilovespaghetti01

AITA for refusing to lend my ex boyfriend money?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18aiirc/aita_for_refusing_to_lend_my_ex_boyfriend_money/

18aiirc