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231,301 | Manufacturing Landmines I started manufacturing Landmines in my basement thinking that it'd be cheaper than buying them, but it still cost me an arm and a leg |
231,302 | Did you hear about the porn star who wanted to do a scene with all five members of Aerosmith? It didn't quite work out. They could only get Foreigner |
231,303 | Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift. |
231,304 | Why do so many people in the South get married? Free shotgun |
231,305 | Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious. |
231,306 | What is your greatest America joke? Everyone's got mexican, Jewish, and Islamic jokes. I wanna hear the one's bashing America. |
231,307 | I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk. |
231,308 | Kevin, children are allowed to order pizzas. You don't have to make the delivery guy think he's being shot at by gangsters. For christ sake. |
231,309 | Guardsman: "Lady Pao, the Reddit peasants are revolting!" Lady Pao: "Yes I agree, they're disgusting. Do you have a point?" |
231,310 | How do you get rid of a Reddit admin? Chooter |
231,311 | is actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year. |
231,312 | I had diarrhea and had some jalapeno sauce That came out badly |
231,313 | First rule of thumb: Thumbs shouldn't have rules. That just makes no fucking sense. |
231,314 | What's the most difficult thing about training a dog? Getting the peanut butter out of your pubic hair |
231,315 | What's the worst feeling when getting your prostate examined? Both of the doctor's hands on your shoulders. |
231,316 | If you don't know what introspection is... You need to take a long, hard look at yourself Ian Smith |
231,317 | What does a robot do after a one night stand? He nuts and bolts. |
231,318 | How did the elephant get out of the river? Wet |
231,319 | I left my girlfriend because her orgasms were too brief. I just could not accept her shortcomings. |
231,320 | If you ever want to be bummed all day, think about how Jordan's national carrier is called "Royal Jordanian Airways" instead of "Air Jordan" |
231,321 | A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. He gave it to her. |
231,322 | What's the cheapest kind of meat? Deer testicals they're under a buck. |
231,323 | When auto correct changes your 'omg' to OMG, alright calm your tits i wasn't that shocked. |
231,324 | Hillary should make Bernie the ambassador to Japan. His knowledge of harpooning whales will definitely help bridge the cultural divide. |
231,325 | "No mom I DON'T HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 18. "No mom I HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 28. |
231,326 | What did the couch surfing, yoga junkie say when his friend asked him to leave? Namaste. |
231,327 | Bob told his wife, "I can't work for him anymore after what he said to me". Wife: What did he say? Bob: You're fired |
231,328 | My brother's just opened a shop. Really? How's he doing? Six months. He opened it with a crowbar. |
231,329 | How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some earbuds in your pocket 2) wait one minute |
231,330 | *Makes sure the new girl at work sees how much pineapple I eat at lunch* *winks* |
231,331 | Beer makes me feel invincible. Vodka makes me feel innvienceablrerrer. *falls down* |
231,332 | Did you hear they finally caught the watch thief? It was only a matter of time! |
231,333 | My wife divorced me after years of daily penis enlargement surgeries. She couldn't take it any longer. |
231,334 | The KKK adopted a higway Jokes on them, it's black |
231,335 | US Forces have just liberated thousands of ISIS sex slaves... All the goats and other livestock are being moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their farmers. |
231,336 | I attended a very touching live demonstration on bukkake. There wasn't a dry eye in the audience. |
231,337 | How is medusa like weed? She makes people stoned. |
231,338 | When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn't think I'm a vegan. |
231,339 | Why do you have to be blunt to fat people? Because if you sugar coat it, they will eat that too |
231,340 | Your make-up application says "I failed Clown College". |
231,341 | Why are Native American strippers the best? When they dance they make it rain. |
231,342 | Did you hear the one about the gay man on the patch? Word is he's down to about four butts a day. |
231,343 | They say there's safety in numbers... Tell that to the 6 million Jews. ~ Jimmy Carr. |
231,344 | My ex-girlfriend dropped this one on me a heavy box. She was trying to kill me. |
231,345 | My childhood left me with unreal expectations about how often I would see pies used as weapons. |
231,346 | "i cnat believe this!" he yells as his beard of bees turns on him. "i would expect this from the others but not u" he says to 1 specific bee |
231,347 | Me: I hate all of the trash jokes in this sub. Friend: They're not trash, they're *recycle*. |
231,348 | How do you get a witch pregnant? Ya fuck her. |
231,349 | WHY couldnet anyone win at the Bangkok Olympics Because its always a THAI game. |
231,350 | DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU |
231,351 | I'm doing interval training. It's just that the intervals are very far apart. |
231,352 | What's the best part of having a kid? The chewy center. |
231,353 | How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word 'unionized'. |
231,354 | I love how people always leave voicemails when I miss their calls. It's like they want to be ignored twice. |
231,355 | Two Vietnamese men decided to go into business together... It was a Nguyen-Nguyen proposition. |
231,356 | A tax collector dies and goes to heaven |
231,357 | What happened after the wheel was invented a revolution |
231,358 | Well hello, "Party-Size" bag of Doritos. Welcome to my party! There will be no other guests. |
231,359 | My lesbian friend asked me how I view Lesbian Relationships Apparently, in HD wasn't an appropriate answer. |
231,360 | My girlfriends star sign is cancer, so it was quite ironic how she died She got beaten to death by a giant crab |
231,361 | A very wealthy man from Britain has purchased the Bates Motel.... Now it is Master Bates Motel.. I haven't had my coffee yet, this is the best I got |
231,362 | A man is chasing a talking emu... The Emu is taunting him, saying "you can't catch me! I can run at 80 km/h, you can only manage 20!" to which the the man replies "You can run but you can't fly!" |
231,363 | What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover? 100 meter Daesh |
231,364 | Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves. |
231,365 | Can't we just sit and drink somewhere until they build a bar around us? |
231,366 | What's it called when the bottom half of a fraction has loads of cake in it? A denom-nom-nominator! |
231,367 | What's the worst part of an NFL wedding? Getting knocked out by the Rice. |
231,368 | Why is chess confusing in Australia? "That's check, mate." |
231,369 | A husband says to his wife: "I hate to tell you this but your swimming costume is very tight and revealing." "Wear your own one then!" |
231,370 | -"What should we call our band?" -Ponies! -Dude, we're a heavy metal band. -Satanic ponies! |
231,371 | You know what the first sign of AIDS is, right? A severe pounding in the ass... |
231,372 | The best thing about women is how they can tell you what you really mean when you say something... |
231,373 | Evolution: True science fiction. |
231,374 | A hot girl in the hallway just smiled at me, but don't worry; I yelled "I'm taken," and ran into the men's bathroom where she can't follow. |
231,375 | This may sound like a rape joke if you ask me Oh wait you don't have to. |
231,376 | Pix and Misc - Teacher win [pic] |
231,377 | A pen and a pencil race. Who won? The Pencil. He lead from start to finish. |
231,378 | whenever god closes a door he opens a window because he's taking a pretty nasty shit in there. |
231,379 | Why did the cow win a Nobel Prize? Because he was out standing in his field. |
231,380 | It's hurts for me to say this... But I have a sore throat. |
231,381 | Why was the dolphin so upset with the attendance of his drunken kegger? It lacked porpoise. |
231,382 | If you roll out your chapstick more than an inch, I'll see you in court. |
231,383 | "we're broke? how is that possible?" (extremely high pitched voice) no idea "did you-" *opens closet & hundreds of helium tanks fall out* |
231,384 | How does a virgin pop her cherry? by using a bottle opener |
231,385 | What is time consuming? Eating a watch. . . . . Note: This is not my joke, credit goes to /u/Cokenut, and /u/Fluffy8x for setting him up. |
231,386 | Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers. |
231,387 | Knock knock. This may not be This may not be a funny joke. |
231,388 | Throwing Viagra in the milk so Santa has a hard time getting back up the chimney. Use a front door like everyone else asshole! |
231,389 | What's something a kangaroo has that no other animal has? Baby kangaroos. |
231,390 | America only considers a war a success if we build a Bed Bath and Beyond in the enemy's capital. |
231,391 | I bet the best massage in the world is getting attacked by a toothless shark. |
231,392 | Got an IPad from my chinese friend... Nothing beats homemade gifts. |
231,393 | What's worse than dropping your ice cream? The Holocaust. |
231,394 | Did you hear Miley Cyrus got a new job? Coworkers say she has an excellent Twerk ethic |
231,395 | After sex last night... ...my new girlfriend snuggled up next to me and said, "You know, you are by far the biggest I've ever had". Apparently "Ditto" is not the right response. |
231,396 | You're either a dog person or a non person. |
231,397 | What's the worst part about being a pedophile? Getting the blood stains out of your clown costume. |
231,398 | I was disappointed after I won the grand prize on the game show last night. It was for a year supply of calendars. |
231,399 | What would an employee only entrance to a brothel be called in Westeros? A Hodor... |
231,400 | Why don't Mexicans have BBQs? Because the beans keep falling through the grill. |