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“I said alone!”He nodded in agreement. “Aye, you usually say that, and I still stay. It’s our way.”

Kresley Cole,

“I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.”

Bauvard,

“When I said it aloud, it sounded terribly creepy, which is why I had said it aloud.”

Amanda Hocking

“Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.”

Molly Harper,

“We’re adults. I might be a little more of an adult if you’re counting years but I bet I have a lower IQ, so that puts us pretty much even.”

Robyn Carr,

“I always hoped for this spark of chemistry and compatibility, a flash of clarity to let me know that this was the guy, this was the time, so I should leg go and enjoy myself. But it never came. And by no small coincidence, neither did I.”

Molly Harper,

“He'll have that scar forever.""Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?""Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.”

J. K. Rowling,

“Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.”

Bauvard,

“Dude, you're scaring the crap out of me,' said Nick. 'I'm serious, I literally have no crap right now.”

Mark Frost,

“It was like being leaned on by a very heavy, warm brick. A sexy brick.”

Patricia Briggs,

“Take your finger out of your nose, Miss Steal.”

Fanny Merkin,

“Is that a space?No, it's a hydrant.”

Becky Albertalli,

“Best friends one, and now we have almost nothing to say to each other. It was interesting, how he had joined those guys and I just stayed on my own. I didn't like it or dislike it. It was just funny that things had turned out that way.”

Markus Zusak,

“I had a dream about you last night... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror.”

Amy Summers,

“What happened to your face?" she asked."It fell on a fist." He shrugged."That happens a lot?""Enough.”

Melissa de la Cruz,

“Tell me the story," said Fenchurch firmly. "You arrived at the station.""I was about twenty minutes early. I'd got the time of the train wrong." "Get on with it." Fenchurch laughed."So I bought a newspaper, to do the crossword, and went to the buffet to get a cup of coffee.""You do the crossword?""Yes.""Which one?""The Guardian usually.""I think it tries to be too cute. I prefer The Times. Did you solve it?""What?""The crossword in the Guardian.""I haven't had a chance to look at it yet," said Arthur, "I'm still trying to buy the coffee.""All right then. Buy the coffee.""I'm buying it. I am also," said Arthur, "buying some biscuits.""What sort?""Rich Tea.""Good Choice.""I like them. Laden with all these new possessions, I go and sit at a table. And don't ask me what the table was like because this was some time ago and I can't remember. It was probably round.""All right.""So let me give you the layout. Me sitting at the table. On my left, the newspaper. On my right, the cup of coffee. In the middle of the table, the packet of biscuits.""I see it perfectly.""What you don't see," said Arthur, "because I haven't mentioned him yet, is the guy sitting at the table already. He is sitting there opposite me.""What's he look like?""Perfectly ordinary. Briefcase. Business suit. He didn't look," said Arthur, "as if he was about to do anything weird.""Ah. I know the type. What did he do?""He did this. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and...""What?""Ate it.""What?""He ate it."Fenchurch looked at him in astonishment. "What on earth did you do?""Well, in the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. I was compelled," said Arthur, "to ignore it.""What? Why?""Well, it's not the sort of thing you're trained for is it? I searched my soul, and discovered that there was nothing anywhere in my upbringing, experience or even primal instincts to tell me how to react to someone who has quite simply, calmly, sitting right there in front of me, stolen one of my biscuits.""Well, you could..." Fenchurch thought about it. "I must say I'm not sure what I would have done either. So what happened?""I stared furiously at the crossword," said Arthur. "Couldn't do a single clue, took a sip of coffee, it was too hot to drink, so there was nothing for it. I braced myself. I took a biscuit, trying very hard not to notice," he added, "that the packet was already mysteriously open...""But you're fighting back, taking a tough line.""After my fashion, yes. I ate a biscuit. I ate it very deliberately and visibly, so that he would have no doubt as to what it was I was doing. When I eat a biscuit," Arthur said, "it stays eaten.""So what did he do?""Took another one. Honestly," insisted Arthur, "this is exactly what happened. He took another biscuit, he ate it. Clear as daylight. Certain as we are sitting on the ground."Fenchurch stirred uncomfortably."And the problem was," said Arthur, "that having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject a second time around. What do you say? "Excuse me...I couldn't help noticing, er..." Doesn't work. No, I ignored it with, if anything, even more vigor than previously.""My man...""Stared at the crossword, again, still couldn't budge a bit of it, so showing some of the spirit that Henry V did on St. Crispin's Day...""What?""I went into the breach again. I took," said Arthur, "another biscuit. And for an instant our eyes met.""Like this?""Yes, well, no, not quite like that. But they met. Just for an instant. And we both looked away. But I am here to tell you," said Arthur, "that there was a little electricity in the air. There was a little tension building up over the table. At about this time.""I can imagine.”

Douglas Adams

“The great thing about writing fiction is that you can do whatever the fuck you want, go as far as you are willing to go, and laugh at the people who take it seriously.”

Richard Denney

“I'm losing weight, you notice, Pop?”

Arthur Miller,

“I had a dream about you last night... you made a beard for yourself out of forty two bags of Twizzlers.”

Nicole McKay,

“Why does everyone have to pretend to be stupid and not know long words?”

Martin Freeman

“I think we are going to have to love ourselves. Fuck.”

Liz Tuccillo,

“Aaron: Dude, one thing the guy said is you don’t taunt voodoo.Zak: Am I taunting?Aaron: Dude, you’re taunting the crap out of it!Zak: I am sorry, I am not taunting you I am just talking...Talking loudly.”

Zak Bagans

“On horseback you feel as if you're moving in time to classical music; a camel seems to progress to the beat of a drum played by a drunk.”

Walter Moers,

“Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.”

Yvonne Prinz,

“How Superheroes Make Money: - Spider-Man knits sweaters. - Superman screw the lids on pickle jars. - Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.”

Jim Benton,

“Being fed, and having a soft bed, and other people being in charge, seemed the most wonderful prospect in the world at that moment.”

J.K. Rowling,

“He`s quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen].”

Ewan McGregor

“In one universe, they are gorgeous, straight-teethed, long-legged, wrapped in designer fashions, and given sports cars on their sixteenth birthdays. Teacher smile at them and grade them on the curve. They know the first names of the staff. They are the Pride of the Trojans. Oops – I mean Pride of the Blue Devils.In Universe #2, they throw parties wild enough to attract college students. They worship the stink of Eau de Jocque. They rent beach houses in Cancún during Spring Break and get group-rate abortions before prom.”

Laurie Halse Anderson,

“I scoured myself with lye soap from head to toe to get the evil funk of demon snot off me. I have flossed things the gods never meant to be flossed and used things that would be toxic to most living organisms. All to sanitize my body for your chewing pleasure.”

Sherrilyn Kenyon,

“Fang let out a low whistle. "Anyone know that Amazons could ride a giant bird?"Ethon gave him a duh stare. "Those of us who fought them, yeah, we know. How you think they keep kicking our asses?""Cause you're pansies. Everyone knows that.”

Sherrilyn Kenyon,

“I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that.”

Jim Benton,

“New Yorkers, I figured, just pretended to be unfriendly.”

Jeannette Walls,

“Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic.”

Will McIntosh,

“Max, you're acting like a child, the Voice said. You're above rebelling against your fate just to rebel. You've got a date with destiny. Don't be late."I brushed some hair out of my eyes. Is that a movie quote? Or is it an actual date? I don't remember destiny asking me. I never even gave destiny my phone number.”

James Patterson

“She needed Andrew Simpson Smith, it was that simple. And he had spent his life training to help people like her. Gods. "Okay, Andrew. But let's leave today. I'm in a hurry.""Of course. Today." He stroked the place where his slight beard was beginning to grow. "These ruins where your friends are waiting? Where are they?"Tally glances up at the sun, still low enough to indicate the eastern horizon. After a moment's calculation, she pointed off to the northwest, back toward the city and beyond that, the Rusty Ruins. "About a week's walk that way." "A week?""That means seven days.""Yes, I know the gods' calendar," he said huffily. "But a whole week?""Yeah. That's not so far, is it?" The hunters had been tireless on their march the night before. He shook his head, an awed expression on his face. "But that is beyond the edge of the world.”

Scott Westerfeld,

“Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?”

Bauvard,

“California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.”

Fred Allen

“There are several theories on sex and all of them are lies.”

Santosh Kalwar,

“A human hires a hit man to kill his cousin for money, boring. That same hit man botches the job twice, funny. Then the desperate hit man sends a ghoul after the girl to finish things up, my curiosity's piqued. That same ghoul ends up with his head cut off by a mysterious redhead . . . Ah. Now I'm interested.”

Jeaniene Frost,

“Great minds think alike-especially when they are female.”

Christina Dodd,

“When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back”

Rodney Dangerfield

“He swiveled his head towards Eddie. "Tell me how to get over to the Four Lads. Do I have to die again?"If he did, he had a Beretta on him and he knew what kicking the bucket from a gunshot was like. Snore."Don't bother." Adrian cracked his knuckles. "They're not going to tell you anything. They can't."What the fuck? "I thought I worked for them.""You work for both sides, and they've given you all the help they can."Jim looked back and forth between the two angels. Each of them had the tight expression of a guy with a shoestring noosing up his balls."Help?" he said. "Where's my goddamned help?""They gave you us, asshole," Adrian snapped. "And that's all they can do--I've already gone over and asked them who's supposed to be next. I figured it would help you, you ungrateful bastard.”

J.R. Ward,

“You think he left a big flashing arrow pointing to a filing cabinet labeled 'Evidence Here!'? He's a Stray, Ethan, not Wile E. Coyote!”

Rachel Vincent,

“I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.”

Chelsea Handler,

“At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right?”

Rachel Caine,

“A horse blanket, Mel?I remembered what I was wearing. 'It tore in half when Hrani tried washing it. She was going to mend it. This piece was too small for a horse, but it was just right for me.'Bran laughed a little unsteadly. 'Mel. A horse blanket.”

Sherwood Smith,

“And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers--I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.)”

Christopher Moore,

“Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. “You’re a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering me on from the sidelines. But I think I need to go to the bathroom now and throw up.”

Sarah Mayberry,

“Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know it she turns out to be a vampire, don't you just hate it when that happens?”

L.j Smith

“Close your eyes!""You can't kiss me from down there, Wylan." "Just do it!”

Leigh Bardugo,

“How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

Andy Weir,

“Must a name mean something?" Alice asked doubtfully.Of course it must," Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh; "my name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.”

Lewis Carroll

“See how the symbols stretch across all three shields? They represent a god."Hypnos frowned. "There's a God of lions and knives and wineglasses? That seems incredibly specific.""This god is Shezmu," said Enrique, rolling his eyes. "He's seldom depicted, perhaps because he's at such odds with himself. On the other hand, he's the lord of perfumes and gracious oils, often considered something of a celebration deity.""My kind of god," said Hypnos."He is also the god of slaughter, blood and dismemberment.""I amend my original statement," said Hypnos.”

Roshani Chokshi,

“Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you'll steal Nick's powers and kill them both," said Mae. "Great idea. Hey, can i come? I'll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to let blood get on the sandwiches.”

Sarah Rees Brennan,

“Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree.”

Chesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)

“Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli. "I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure."-Morelli And Stephanie”

Janet Evanovich,

“Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.”

Victor Borge

“I can't make out what they're saying; it sounds like: hiss, blah, she hiss, squeak. But the aunt appears to speak the native language.”

Emma Chase,

“My dear fellow " Said Albert, turning to Franz " here is an admirable adventure; we will fill our carriage with pistols, blunderbusses, and double-barreled shotguns. Luigi Vampa comes to take us, and we take him - we bring him back to Rome , and present him to him holiness the Pope, who asks how he can repay so great a service; Then we merely ask for a cariage and a pair of horses, and we will see the Carnival in the carriage , and doubtless the Roman people will crown us at the capitol , and proclaim us, like Curtius and the veiled Horatius, the preservers of there country." Whilst Albert proposed this scheme, signor Pastrini's face assumed an expression impossible to describe.”

Alexandre Dumas,

“(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?”

Victor Borge

“She's in the Catskill," Shopie began, but Scathach reached over and pinched her hand. "Ouch!"I just wanted to distract you," Scathach explained. "Don't even think about Black Annis. There are some names that should never be spoken aloud."That like saying don't think of elephants, Josh said, "and then all you can think about is elephants."Then let me give you something else to think about," Scathach said softly. "There are two police officers in the window staring at us. Don't look," she added urgently.Too late. Josh turned to look and whatever crossed his face--shock, horror, guilt or fear--bought both officers racing into the cafe, one pulling his automatic from its holster, the other speaking urgently into his radio as he drew his baton.”

Michael Scott

“How stupid, that someone so short could have such a presence.”

Nora Sakavic,

“One's 'thing'--(1) A point of personal interest; a hobby, sport, or avocation that succinctly defines a person. (2) A brief coupling of words used to evoke someone's personality in a small-talk setting: Billy's thing used to be soccer; now it's masterbation. (3) A laconic summation of one's character and interests used for the purpose of categorization and judgement. See also 'What do you do?”

Joshua Braff,

“Again Creb grunted. It was the usual noncommittal comment used by men when responding to a woman. It carried only enough meaning to indicate the woman had been understood, without acknowledging too much significance in what she said.”

Jean M Auel

“The first way not to shake hands is executed by receiving someone’s hand in yours and proceeding to squeeze it tightly, hurting the other party as if they were responsible for a past death in your family, or your adoption as a child.”

Weston Locher,

“Don't open the door to strangers," said her dad. "Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like it. If I'd like it, buy it for me. But nothing cheap. I have standards. Nothing too expensive, either. My standards aren't that high.”

Derek Landy,

“Radical Edwards's profile? He's a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien.-Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script”

Keiko Nobumoto

“Leggo my Eggo!”

Kellogg

“Every cell of my body says, ‘Oh god yes! Crime? I can do some crime!’ I want this ship like I’ve never wanted anything in my life. I had a poster of the first-ever Breakbolt model on my bedroom wall when I was nine. It’s like a manifestation of every dream I’ve ever had, everything I’ve ever wanted for myself: a piloting license, a beautiful ship under me, and stars out the viewport. Child Nax says, ‘Do it, do the crime!”

M.K. England,

“STYLE IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE IT IS HOW YOUDO NOT WRITE LIKE ANYONE ELSE”

Charles Ghigna,

“Which college?''Hmm?''Which college do you go to?'Fletcher nodded. 'Yes.''I'm sorry?''Oh,' Fletcher said, and laughed.Valkyrie's parents looked at Fletcher in near bewilderment. Fletcher looked back at them in total bewilderment. Valkyrie shook her head.”

Derek Landy,

“Your father...isn't good with emotions.” “Yeah. Figured that out a while ago.” Like, when I was four and cried because our family cat died and he offered to have it stuffed as a means to make me feel better. It didn't.”

Lindy Zart,

“If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank statements before they tell us what we could or should do with our own money.”

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I won't say that you're pretty because that dog already did. And I won't say you're funny because you have had me laughing since I met you.”

Melissa Landers,

“Let me get this straight. I can't take the vampire with me because if I remove the stake, he can kill us all. Now I can't take the girl because she's what? some kind of ninja witch?”

Tate Hallaway,

“Are imperfections is which make we grate.”

Craig Benzine

“Have you guys ever thought about the fact that socks are like the donut holes of underpants?”

Travis McElroy

“Andrew affected innocence but the twitch at the corner of his mouth gave him away. Andrew gave up the farce a couple seconds later and laughed. "Guess she hit him one time too many. I warned her not to lay a hand on him, but she didn't listen to me. She got what was coming to her. Does that frighten you, Neil?" "My first memories are of people dying," Neil said. "I'm not afraid of you." "That's why you're so interesting," Andrew said. "How aggravating." He sounded amused, not annoyed, so Neil said, "I'll try to be more boring in the future." "How considerate.”

Nora Sakavic,

“SWAT? For me?" Still trembling, one hand clung to the ambulance gurney, the other held a massive sterilised cotton wool wad under my nose."Tactical Support was busy. You got Dennis and Arlo," said Harry, speed-reading the papers he'd snatched from inside my jacket.Closest his hands had been to my chest in a long time."Which one broke my nose?""That'd be Dennis.”

Morana Blue,

“My darling, you are indisposed! You must remain abed for the next eight months. Little Buford - ""I am NOT naming our child Buford...”

Cassandra Clare,

“This is really good,” Donovan Caine said, attacking his third strawberry pancake. “You sound surprised,” I said. He shrugged. “I just didn’t think an assassin would be able to cook like this.” “Well, I do get lots of practice with knives. You could say I’m multitasking.” The detective froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. “I’m kidding. I enjoy cooking. It relaxes me.”

jennifer estep,

“It was exciting to be off on a journey she had looked forward to for months. Oddly, the billowing diesel fumes of the airport did not smell like suffocating effluence, it assumed a peculiar pungent scent that morning, like the beginning of a new adventure, if an adventure could exude a fragrance.”

E.A. Bucchianeri,

“I can only drive slowly.""That's all right.""And I can only do left turns."Rose ran downstairs, grabbed a road atlas, and ran triumphantly back up again. "Wales is left! Look! It's left all the way!”

Hilary McKay,

“Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do?”

Sherrilyn Kenyon

“You couldn't be romantic if your life depended on it." "You know what's lucky? Most bad guys don't ask you to be romantic on command, so that probably won't matter.”

Rachel Caine,

“And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.”

George Carlin,

“Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time.Me (Ilona): ...~A little later~Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove*Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time.Kid 1: I know, right?”

Ilona Andrews

“Daemon laughed "I'm only at the service of one person in particular"My cheeks flamed as I scooted my chair over. "You are not servicing me in any way."He leaned in, closing my newly gained distance. "Not yet.""Oh, come on, Daemon I'm right here." Dee frowned. "You're about to make me lose my appetite.""Like that will ever happen." Lisa retorted with an eye roll.”

Jennifer L. Armentrout,

“Do you ride?"She smiled, her fingers lightly sliding around his ear. "Not since I hit that barn"Zach’s hands paused on her flesh. "You hit a barn?" "I had to avoid the cow”

Shelly Laurenston,

“Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house?""A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes.”

Kresley Cole,

“What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her.”

Gena Showalter,

“Stupid male ego.”

Tera Lynn Childs,

“She hated Mr. Meanie. But she'd gotten to know him and they'd reached an understanding of sorts. Now she was to have him for supper."Don't tell me you're feeling guilty?"Breaking off a piece of the wing, she brought it to her lips and took a bite. It did taste good. Very good."I wonder if all grouchy males are this palatable."Drew choked.She looked up, tilting her head. "Are you all right?"He turned a dull red. "Eat your supper, Connie.”

Deeanne Gist,

“I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing.”

Bauvard,

“She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me,' because the questions, they came a-calling.”

Kresley Cole,

“Manners, boy. I'll beat them into you if I have to.”

Lori Foster,

“Let me get you all some punch,” I said.“You're leaving us?” said Isabel, sounding panicky.“I'll be right back,” I promised. “If anyone comes near you, just scream and run.”

Kenneth Oppel,

“If Duncan was ever into men then he's been so far in the closet he's been living in Narnia.”

Dana Marie Bell,

“Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.”

Bauvard,

“Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I'm covered.”

Molly Harper,