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How slowly the time passes here, encompassed as I am by frost and snow! |
Yet a second step is taken towards my enterprise. I have hired a |
vessel and am occupied in collecting my sailors; those whom I have |
already engaged appear to be men on whom I can depend and are certainly |
possessed of dauntless courage. |
But I have one want which I have never yet been able to satisfy, and the |
absence of the object of which I now feel as a most severe evil, I have no |
friend, Margaret: when I am glowing with the enthusiasm of success, there |
will be none to participate my joy; if I am assailed by disappointment, no |
one will endeavour to sustain me in dejection. I shall commit my thoughts |
to paper, it is true; but that is a poor medium for the communication of |
feeling. I desire the company of a man who could sympathise with me, whose |
eyes would reply to mine. You may deem me romantic, my dear sister, but I |
bitterly feel the want of a friend. I have no one near me, gentle yet |
courageous, possessed of a cultivated as well as of a capacious mind, whose |
tastes are like my own, to approve or amend my plans. How would such a |
friend repair the faults of your poor brother! I am too ardent in execution |
and too impatient of difficulties. But it is a still greater evil to me |
that I am self-educated: for the first fourteen years of my life I ran wild |
on a common and read nothing but our Uncle Thomas’ books of voyages. |
At that age I became acquainted with the celebrated poets of our own |
country; but it was only when it had ceased to be in my power to derive its |
most important benefits from such a conviction that I perceived the |
necessity of becoming acquainted with more languages than that of my native |
country. Now I am twenty-eight and am in reality more illiterate than many |
schoolboys of fifteen. It is true that I have thought more and that my |
daydreams are more extended and magnificent, but they want (as the painters |
call it) _keeping;_ and I greatly need a friend who would have sense |
enough not to despise me as romantic, and affection enough for me to |
endeavour to regulate my mind. |
Well, these are useless complaints; I shall certainly find no friend on the |
wide ocean, nor even here in Archangel, among merchants and seamen. Yet |
some feelings, unallied to the dross of human nature, beat even in these |
rugged bosoms. My lieutenant, for instance, is a man of wonderful courage |
and enterprise; he is madly desirous of glory, or rather, to word my phrase |
more characteristically, of advancement in his profession. He is an |
Englishman, and in the midst of national and professional prejudices, |
unsoftened by cultivation, retains some of the noblest endowments of |
humanity. I first became acquainted with him on board a whale vessel; |
finding that he was unemployed in this city, I easily engaged him to assist |
in my enterprise. |
The master is a person of an excellent disposition and is remarkable in the |
ship for his gentleness and the mildness of his discipline. This |
circumstance, added to his well-known integrity and dauntless courage, made |
me very desirous to engage him. A youth passed in solitude, my best years |
spent under your gentle and feminine fosterage, has so refined the |
groundwork of my character that I cannot overcome an intense distaste to |
the usual brutality exercised on board ship: I have never believed it to be |
necessary, and when I heard of a mariner equally noted for his kindliness |
of heart and the respect and obedience paid to him by his crew, I felt |
myself peculiarly fortunate in being able to secure his services. I heard |
of him first in rather a romantic manner, from a lady who owes to him the |
happiness of her life. This, briefly, is his story. Some years ago he loved |
a young Russian lady of moderate fortune, and having amassed a considerable |
sum in prize-money, the father of the girl consented to the match. He saw |
his mistress once before the destined ceremony; but she was bathed in |
tears, and throwing herself at his feet, entreated him to spare her, |
confessing at the same time that she loved another, but that he was poor, |
and that her father would never consent to the union. My generous friend |
reassured the suppliant, and on being informed of the name of her lover, |
instantly abandoned his pursuit. He had already bought a farm with his |
money, on which he had designed to pass the remainder of his life; but he |
bestowed the whole on his rival, together with the remains of his |
prize-money to purchase stock, and then himself solicited the young |
woman’s father to consent to her marriage with her lover. But the old |
man decidedly refused, thinking himself bound in honour to my friend, who, |
when he found the father inexorable, quitted his country, nor returned |
until he heard that his former mistress was married according to her |
inclinations. “What a noble fellow!” you will exclaim. He is |
so; but then he is wholly uneducated: he is as silent as a Turk, and a kind |
of ignorant carelessness attends him, which, while it renders his conduct |
the more astonishing, detracts from the interest and sympathy which |
otherwise he would command. |
Yet do not suppose, because I complain a little or because I can |
conceive a consolation for my toils which I may never know, that I am |
wavering in my resolutions. Those are as fixed as fate, and my voyage |
is only now delayed until the weather shall permit my embarkation. The |
winter has been dreadfully severe, but the spring promises well, and it |
is considered as a remarkably early season, so that perhaps I may sail |
sooner than I expected. I shall do nothing rashly: you know me |
sufficiently to confide in my prudence and considerateness whenever the |
safety of others is committed to my care. |
I cannot describe to you my sensations on the near prospect of my |
undertaking. It is impossible to communicate to you a conception of |
the trembling sensation, half pleasurable and half fearful, with which |
I am preparing to depart. I am going to unexplored regions, to “the |
land of mist and snow,” but I shall kill no albatross; therefore do not |
be alarmed for my safety or if I should come back to you as worn and |
woeful as the “Ancient Mariner.” You will smile at my allusion, but I |
will disclose a secret. I have often attributed my attachment to, my |
passionate enthusiasm for, the dangerous mysteries of ocean to that |
production of the most imaginative of modern poets. There is something |
at work in my soul which I do not understand. I am practically |
industrious—painstaking, a workman to execute with perseverance and |