Spaces:
Sleeping
Sleeping
const _ = require('lodash'); | |
const dedent = require('dedent-tabs').default; | |
const genList = function(list, max){ | |
return _.sampleSize(list, _.random(0, max)).join(', ') || 'None'; | |
}; | |
const getMonsterName = function(){ | |
return _.sample([ | |
'All-devouring Baseball Imp', | |
'All-devouring Gumdrop Wraith', | |
'Chocolate Hydra', | |
'Devouring Peacock', | |
'Economy-sized Colossus of the Lemonade Stand', | |
'Ghost Pigeon', | |
'Gibbering Duck', | |
'Sparklemuffin Peacock Spider', | |
'Gum Elemental', | |
'Illiterate Construct of the Candy Store', | |
'Ineffable Chihuahua', | |
'Irritating Death Hamster', | |
'Irritating Gold Mouse', | |
'Juggernaut Snail', | |
'Juggernaut of the Sock Drawer', | |
'Koala of the Cosmos', | |
'Mad Koala of the West', | |
'Milk Djinni of the Lemonade Stand', | |
'Mind Ferret', | |
'Mystic Salt Spider', | |
'Necrotic Halitosis Angel', | |
'Pinstriped Famine Sheep', | |
'Ritalin Leech', | |
'Shocker Kangaroo', | |
'Stellar Tennis Juggernaut', | |
'Wailing Quail of the Sun', | |
'Angel Pigeon', | |
'Anime Sphinx', | |
'Bored Avalanche Sheep of the Wasteland', | |
'Devouring Nougat Sphinx of the Sock Drawer', | |
'Djinni of the Footlocker', | |
'Ectoplasmic Jazz Devil', | |
'Flatuent Angel', | |
'Gelatinous Duck of the Dream-Lands', | |
'Gelatinous Mouse', | |
'Golem of the Footlocker', | |
'Lich Wombat', | |
'Mechanical Sloth of the Past', | |
'Milkshake Succubus', | |
'Puffy Bone Peacock of the East', | |
'Rainbow Manatee', | |
'Rune Parrot', | |
'Sand Cow', | |
'Sinister Vanilla Dragon', | |
'Snail of the North', | |
'Spider of the Sewer', | |
'Stellar Sawdust Leech', | |
'Storm Anteater of Hell', | |
'Stupid Spirit of the Brewery', | |
'Time Kangaroo', | |
'Tomb Poodle', | |
]); | |
}; | |
const getType = function(){ | |
return `${_.sample(['Tiny', 'Small', 'Medium', 'Large', 'Gargantuan', 'Stupidly vast'])} ${_.sample(['beast', 'fiend', 'annoyance', 'guy', 'cutie'])}`; | |
}; | |
const getAlignment = function(){ | |
return _.sample([ | |
'annoying evil', | |
'chaotic gossipy', | |
'chaotic sloppy', | |
'depressed neutral', | |
'lawful bogus', | |
'lawful coy', | |
'manic-depressive evil', | |
'narrow-minded neutral', | |
'neutral annoying', | |
'neutral ignorant', | |
'oedpipal neutral', | |
'silly neutral', | |
'unoriginal neutral', | |
'weird neutral', | |
'wordy evil', | |
'unaligned' | |
]); | |
}; | |
const getStats = function(){ | |
return `|${_.times(6, function(){ | |
const num = _.random(1, 20); | |
const mod = Math.ceil(num/2 - 5); | |
return `${num} (${mod >= 0 ? `+${mod}` : mod})`; | |
}).join('|')}|`; | |
}; | |
const genAbilities = function(){ | |
return _.sample([ | |
'***Pack Tactics.*** These guys work together like peanut butter and jelly.', | |
'***Fowl Appearance.*** While the creature remains motionless, it is indistinguishable from a normal chicken.', | |
'***Onion Stench.*** Any creatures within 5 feet of this thing develops an irrational craving for onion rings.', | |
'***Enormous Nose.*** This creature gains advantage on any check involving putting things in its nose.', | |
'***Sassiness.*** When questioned, this creature will talk back instead of answering.', | |
'***Big Jerk.*** Whenever this creature makes an attack, it starts telling you how much cooler it is than you.', | |
]); | |
}; | |
const genLongAbilities = function(){ | |
return _.sample([ | |
dedent`***Pack Tactics.*** These guys work together like peanut butter and jelly. Jelly and peanut butter. | |
When one of these guys attacks, the target is covered with, well, peanut butter and jelly.`, | |
dedent`***Hangriness.*** This creature is angry, and hungry. It will refuse to do anything with you until its hunger is satisfied. | |
When in visual contact with this creature, you must purchase an extra order of fries, even if they say they aren't hungry.`, | |
dedent`***Full of Detergent.*** This creature has swallowed an entire bottle of dish detergent and is actually having a pretty good time. | |
While walking near this creature, you must make a dexterity check or become "a soapy mess" for three hours, after which your skin will get all dry and itchy.` | |
]); | |
}; | |
const genAction = function(){ | |
const name = _.sample([ | |
'Abdominal Drop', | |
'Airplane Hammer', | |
'Atomic Death Throw', | |
'Bulldog Rake', | |
'Corkscrew Strike', | |
'Crossed Splash', | |
'Crossface Suplex', | |
'DDT Powerbomb', | |
'Dual Cobra Wristlock', | |
'Dual Throw', | |
'Elbow Hold', | |
'Gory Body Sweep', | |
'Heel Jawbreaker', | |
'Jumping Driver', | |
'Open Chin Choke', | |
'Scorpion Flurry', | |
'Somersault Stump Fists', | |
'Suffering Wringer', | |
'Super Hip Submission', | |
'Super Spin', | |
'Team Elbow', | |
'Team Foot', | |
'Tilt-a-whirl Chin Sleeper', | |
'Tilt-a-whirl Eye Takedown', | |
'Turnbuckle Roll' | |
]); | |
return `***${name}.*** *Melee Weapon Attack:* +4 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. *Hit* 5 (1d6 + 2) `; | |
}; | |
module.exports = { | |
monster : function(classes, genLines){ | |
return dedent` | |
{{${classes} | |
## ${getMonsterName()} | |
*${getType()}, ${getAlignment()}* | |
___ | |
**Armor Class** :: ${_.random(10, 20)} (chain mail, shield) | |
**Hit Points** :: ${_.random(1, 150)}(1d4 + 5) | |
**Speed** :: ${_.random(0, 50)}ft. | |
___ | |
| STR | DEX | CON | INT | WIS | CHA | | |
|:-----:|:-----:|:-----:|:-----:|:-----:|:-----:| | |
${getStats()} | |
___ | |
**Condition Immunities** :: ${genList(['groggy', 'swagged', 'weak-kneed', 'buzzed', 'groovy', 'melancholy', 'drunk'], 3)} | |
**Senses** :: darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception ${_.random(3, 20)} | |
**Languages** :: ${genList(['Common', 'Pottymouth', 'Gibberish', 'Latin', 'Jive'], 2)} | |
**Challenge** :: ${_.random(0, 15)} (${_.random(10, 10000)} XP) | |
___ | |
${_.times(_.random(genLines, genLines + 2), function(){return genAbilities();}).join('\n:\n')} | |
: | |
${genLongAbilities()} | |
### Actions | |
${_.times(_.random(genLines, genLines + 2), function(){return genAction();}).join('\n:\n')} | |
}} | |
\n`; | |
} | |
}; | |