example_id,post,comment_1,comment_2,comment_1_label,comment_2_label,more_helpful_comment,batch
161,"Before suggesting breaking up, hear me out. I’ve been in this relationship for a couple of years and it is truly making me lose myself. I care too much, admittedly sometimes about very small and stupid things. We will fight about these small things constantly. I also care too much about seeing him whenever I can because we are long distance. I want to live for myself and not for this relationship as I feel like I’ve grown to be very codependent on him when he just prefers to be alone. I do have a few hobbies but I will still pick him over everything. I want to stop caring and stop chasing someone who is running away from me. So how do I start caring less about someone I love more than anything while having the complete intention of staying with them.","Do you have girlfriends? Set times to hang out with them and try to stay off your phone / create space between you and your BF. Another way to do that is by doing your hobbies. Remind yourself you need independence. It makes you a better, more interesting partner. And, if things go south, it leaves you with a community to lean back on. You’re young and love feels soooo intense so don’t beat yourself up- it’s normal to be a bit obsessive at your age.","Stop arguing over small things. if you are arguing & are long distance this is a problem. You can care for someone, doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship. Start doing your things, you are the one choosing to not do them.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
171,"I am sorry ahead for some mistakes, English is not my first language.

I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for 3 years. Over the past year, he has made 2 new female friends at his school. They would hang out after class and go for a lunch together (sometimes also with my BF's male friend as a group) and all four of them would also go out for drinks. Last week one of the girls wrote him and they spent half a day hanging out together and are planning a next meeting in July. (important info: she has a BF).

Despite this, I admit I am feeling jealous and it is putting a strain on our relationship (I am aware that this is my issue that I have to work on). I suggested to him that I would like to meet them, as I know it would ease my problem once I get to know them (also told him that). He was very hesitant, stating:

1. He doesn't know how to introduce me so it doesn't look forceful and awkward (his own words)
2. He doesn't view them as close friends/best friends yet, so he doesn't consider it necessary to introduce me.

Beside this issue, BF is very open and honest about everything and his friends know about me.

I would like to know your opinion on this situation, whether I am just overly jealous or I am in the right to feel unhappy about his stance on this matter.","I get where both of you are coming from, him drawing a boundary with school connections is reasonable.

I think a fair compromise is that next time the group has drinks, you can drop in for a drink at some point, that allows him to introduce you in a casual way and leave together. That isn't overly intrusive, but it does let you see who he is hanging out with and also shows the group he is dating.",">Last week one of the girls wrote him and they spent half a day hanging out together 

So they went on a date? 

>They would hang out after class and go for a lunch together (sometimes **also with my BF's male friend** as a group) and all four of them would also go out for drinks.

>He doesn't know how to introduce me so it doesn't look forceful and awkward (his own words)

This is how you learn that your boyfriend doesn't also think of you as a friend. If he's hanging out with these two girls there is nothing forced or awkward about him inviting his girlfriend to join. just like he can invite his male friend to join. 

Unless it's a double date, then of course, you would be in the way. 

But my advice is don't try and change his mind because he's already decided and you would be wasting your breath. Instead respect how unhappy the situation is making you and decide what you want to do about it. 

Like for example you could say ""I'm really unhappy in this situation where you've made these friends that you can hang out with all day, that you are comfortable bringing your male friend along to meet but when I want to meet them it's forced and you can't figure out how to make that happen. It's just too complicated a situation. It's only complicated if there are romantic feelings between you and one of those girls. But I'm not going to try and change your mind. Because I don't want to date a guy who can't figure out how to include me in his life and friendships. Especially after 3 years together. There are obviously things you are trying to explore so you should be free to do that so that I don't have to sit here and feel like my boyfriend is cheating on me."" 

And that is how you free yourself of this whole situation. Give him back his shit and get yours from him and then you heal and move on to someone who has respect for you and behaves in a more trustworthy manner.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
172,My fiance and I have been together for four years. When we first got together we had sex & did sexual activities all the time. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Last October we got busy renovating our new home and working all the time that we weren’t as active. We moved in together in March of this year and I was so happy to get back to being a lot more active. Living alone you have all the time and freedom to do it WHENEVER WHEREVER. We never do tho. It’ll go 2-3 weeks without anything. No making out. No touching each other sexually. The only time we do is if he’s in the mood. I’m always in the mood. I crave it. I have tried everything. I buy lingerie. I walk around naked. I ask. I beg. I’ve talked about it to him countless times. Cried to him. I’m so lost on what to do? What is the problem? What else can I do? I’ve asked if there’s something else and he swears there’s not. I know where he is and he’s not one to go out. He likes to do everything with me. He’s not sneaky and im always able to check his phone if I ask but I have never ever felt the need to. This is so upsetting. I don’t want our relationship to be like this forever. I love sex and the closeness. No matter how much I say it upsets me he just says “sorry”. I need advice. Someone who can understand. Anything. ,"6 months ago you posted about spicing up your sex life, did you ever do that? If so, do you think maybe you went too far and it's turned him off?",Get a new fiance.,Commentator's opinion,Sarcasm,Comment 1,part 3
176,"This is going to be a silly post but yesterday I got my first haircut in ~15 years. I’m a 27 year old guy and I’ve always been known for having really long hair and my hairstyle was honestly perfect for me— but I wanted to try something new out and so I took the risk and cut my hair. 

… big mistake and I went from hot to very very average. I’m going to take some time to focus on myself and just let my hair grow back out, but this honestly might be a good thing for my dating life? Maybe? 

I feel like dating as an attractive person is people seeing you (and making wild assumptions) more than actually getting to know you and this is going to sound extremely shallow, but I always see average looking people in relationships. The hot people that I know are all single or struggling to really find the right person. I’m not sure if that’s because there’s more options and so it’s a lot more weeding involved in dating. 

Maybe being average allows you to have one extremely compatible option that you see eye-to-eye with instead of several people that meet you and think they can do better or that you’re too good. Plus you don’t get immediately sexualized. 

I’m not sure, I’m kinda just typing and trying not too sound too shallow or crazy. 

But do you guys think that average people have an easier time dating than conventionally attractive people? 
","As someone who’s been both average (or worse) and well above average, I promise you it’s much easier when you’re attractive. Having a lot of people interested in you and then having to weed through to get the right ones is a much better situation than having hardly anyone interested at all.","Dating is three things. Physical attraction, shared goals, and actually getting along with each other. 

Yes, there's such a thing as being pursued by people who don't actually like you because they think you're very physically attractive and don't care about anything else and it can be a practical problem.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
178,"Am I bad person? I 24M have fancied this girl, 23 F, for a very long time. She has been with her boyfriend 29M for 5 years. We have a massive friendship group and I have never had a convo longer than 5 minutes and would never meet up together. she has been unhappy for the past 2 years and he doesn’t treat her right. He kicked her out of his house (lives with his family) on Friday because she refused to give him a blowjob as forgiveness for going to a party the weekend before. She is treated like shit by most of the household and She has no other home and is a vulnerable girl who’s lost and feels unloved. She rang me and asked if she could stay at mine and I said yes, I wasn’t intending on anything happening was just looking after her. We ended up sleeping together and I’m just really confused on what to do. They’ve broken up now, but I’m worried about what to do next as the group can be very bitchy and it’s already raised suspicions and is being gossiped about. I really like her and I know I could treat her better than him. Should I carry on seeing her? Or am I just a massive prick?",NAS Syndrome you bought her pitty story…soon she will say the same about you to another dude she’ll cheat on you with,"Congratulations OP you are a scumbag.

But don't worry there are plenty of us out here and if you put in some effort you can become a reformed former scumbag.

Don't stick your dick in taken women. It's easy.",Commentator's opinion,Hurtful,Comment 2,part 3
183,"TLDR: I slept with the sister of my close friend's wife before I've met my girlfriend and she can't accept it. It looks like we are gonna break up due to this problem. Do you know what would help in this situation?  
  
As you might have guessed from the title, I slept with the sister of a close friend's wife. This close friend and I consider each other cousins, but it's important to note that we are NOT blood relatives.

The girl I slept with is rather promiscuous, not very smart, and definitely not a catch. When this happened, I didn't have much confidence and didn't consider myself much of a ladies' man.

I slept with her years before I met my girlfriend, but this really bothers her. We are together for 2 years, but now it looks like it might be over. She doesn't have much confidence and feels like I don't care about the type of girl I'm with. She doesn't believe that I wouldn't just sleep with anyone who comes my way anymore.

Of course, this isn't true, and I only desire my girlfriend. However, she can't seem to believe it. Whenever we have sex, she always thinks about what I did in the past, and it completely kills her mood. But I think this only happens after she orgasms because she always does. I suppose she wouldn't be able to if she were dwelling on it.

It's been an issue for over a year now, and unfortunately, it seems like we've said our final goodbyes. But I still have hope. I love her very much and am deeply attached to her. Today she told me she needs an assertive man. Well, because of our problem, I haven't been able to provide that for her lately.

I feel that if she had more confidence, this wouldn't be a problem, but of course, I can't be sure. Maybe that's not the case. What would you do in my situation? Do you have any ideas on how to overcome this problem? Do you think this can be fixed somehow? ",Jesus dude did u have to drag the girl here for no reason? None of that was necessary to the story yet u still felt the need to attack? The fuck.,Ok how did she rind this out? Usually talking about past relationships and/or sexual partners is a no no in current relationships. Besides I don't see what the big deal is as most people will have a sexual past. That seems odd.,Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
184,"I wanted to know if anyone on this sub has had experiences dating with HSV2 and how was it? 

If not would you consider dating someone with HSV2? 

If your not educated on the topic here’s a pdf: 

https://www.herpes.org.nz/application/files/2116/7988/2733/STIEF_leaflet_-_Herpes_Myth_vs_Facts_2023_-_single_page.pdf

",Nope i would never.,There is a OLD site called positive singles for people with Herpes and even HIV to date other positive people if you are concerned about any stigma or spreading the condition.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
186,"i have absolutely no idea how to talk to ppl, let alone a girl i like. what do i say to her after she added me back cuz i cant think of anything to talk about",Wait for her to post a story and then slide up saying something about it. Or just be a man and message her.,Either be genuine or don't even attempt to talk,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
187,"i absolutely adore and love this guy so much, we’re not officially in a relationship yet but we both say i love you and are loving with one another.

however i find myself having severe anxiety around him, i have social anxiety disorder, so maybe that’s it. but i hear a lot of people say that your body will tell you when someone ISN’T right for you. you’ll get stomach pain, break out, not get sleep, and your appetite will decrease.

i am hardly eating now, i get diarrhea a lot just from sheer anxiety, i’m breaking out, i can hardly sleep, and i have terrible stomach pain. he’s truly so wonderful and caring, extremely respectful and the whole nine yards, but with the way i feel i’m concerned it’s my body telling me he’s not right for me.

consequently when you’re with the right person you’ll be getting sleep, you’ll glow, your color will come back, etc.

what do we think?",It sounds like you just plain have anxiety/ocd issues and no relationship is going to fix that. If anything a relationship will make you MORE nervous lol.,"There's a lot of nuance to this, from what you're saying it doesn't seem like *he* is the cause of your anxiety and consequent problems (insomnia, diarrhea etc.), do you feel anxious when you're around him?",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
190,"I'm a friggin clean slate. I know NOTHING. I barely even have friends that aren't dudes. I need help getting started. I grew up in an household where emphasis was 1000% on school. safe to say, i ""wasted"" my time in uni in this regard where most date around and figure out what they want/need. I'm not a devoid of human contact per se, I'm still close with many of my friends, but I feel like theres a different kind of companionship shared with a significant other that I've  i've never experienced, but I feel like I am missing in my life.

looking for some advice from my fellow average dudes who had to get after it to find someone. 

questions i have are:

1. how to get into the dating scene
2. what are some/kind of places and activities that are conducive to finding potential dates
3. if i find a girl im potentially interested in, how do you approach without being creepy
4. how/when do you ask a girl out
5. whats the difference between dating and relationship
6. what're realistic expectations of dating and relationships
7. do I do the apps? i heard they suck
8. am i just approaching this all wrong

apologies if these sound like stupid highschool questions. I literally dont know anything.

About me:  
28M  
Straight  
reasonably athletic  
average in every way minus height (5'5, 165cm) certified 5/10  
North American  
Pretty introverted until playing sports  
mega homebody  
white collar desk job, very little opportunities to go out and meet others  
dont drink, party, or club. not my scene  
im the broiest bro to ever bro

TL;DR average asian dude has never gone on a date and wants not end life being literally forever alone","Downside is that the dating market is pretty brutal right now. Many women are dating/screwing like Harvey Weinstein these days. We shot past the goal of equality and went straight into reverse toxic masculinity. If you're just getting started, the first thing to figure out is what your goal in having relationships is going to be and then not to date anyone that has a different goal. Better to be single than to get laid by a girl who's going to use you and then abandon you after you fall in love with her.",Try a matchmaker,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
193,"i (25f) have been dating a guy (25m) for 7 months consistently. 2 nights ago (saturday) we had plans to see each other but he got off work later than anticipated so we decided to wait until the following day. he told me he’d call me before bed. he never called me and i called him a few times and he never replied which was weird. he texted me yesterday morning (sunday) saying that he had just fallen asleep etc. later in the afternoon yesterday (sunday), we were out and i noticed a small spot on his neck that looked like a hickey. he denied it being a hickey but i kept pushing him and he eventually told me that he had slept with someone else, the night before (saturday). my entire world shattered in that moment and i was inconsolable. 

we have spent nearly every single day together for the last 7 months. his justification was that he’d rather “get it out of his system now” because he “wants to be with me long term”. i don’t even know what to say. i am crushed. i have been crying to the point where i can’t breathe for the last 12 hours. he keeps telling me how he “likes me so much and wants a serious future with me hence why he did this now before things continue to progress”, but that’s BS to me. we have already invested 7 months into one another. i can’t even fathom him inviting another girl over and having sex with her while i laid in bed calling him just bc i wanted to hear his voice before i fell asleep. i am crushed. genuinely, i have never felt so much emotional pain in my life.

i keep picturing him inside her and i can’t eat, i can’t sleep, i can’t focus, i cannot stop crying. he shattered my heart. my question is, how do i move forward? how do i make sense of his “justification” for sleeping with someone 7 months into our relationship? he knows i have a history of being cheated on twice prior and this just feels like the biggest betrayal of them all. the mental imagine of him making love to another woman in the bed he’s held me in for 7 months has me in sheer agony. i feel beyond broken.","Beautiful girl. I have been in this place. As hard as it is, when you have your strength back, it might take you days/weeks but I hope you leave this man. If he can do this now, it won't get better, although he will say it will. If he loved you enough we wouldn't risk losing you to get something out of his system. In fact he wouldn't need that at all. These men never learn esp when girls stay and basically allow them to get away with this behaviour and or excuses. Take the time you need though, you may not be able to do this right now and that's ok. At the moment it's just grieving and survival. Do you have friends you can lean on? Thinking of you x","I won’t wish being cheated on, on my worst enemy. Its absolute bs that he wanted to get it out of his system. The relationship is new. Sex between you two should be the most desirable. 

He knows your history of being cheated on. Unfortunately, you met a douche that took what you shared with him as a blue print. Some guys see what you been through as something you will tolerate. 

You have to draw the line and end it. Do not allow it. Cheating has no justification and very rarely do relationships make it after infidelity.",Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 1,part 3
194,"I'm (26M) very new to dating. I never dated or have ever been in a relationship just due to me being very introverted and extremely shy growing up, but I've recently starting growing out of that shell more and I've made a few dating app profiles to get started. I'm just wondering if it's something I should be straight forward about to possible matches, and if it might be something that might be a red flag or just a turn off in general. ","You don't openly tell anyone. If they ask then maybe you can tell them. Women may judge and will consider it a red flag and a turn off more so then if the roles were flipped. Just have to find someone whose understanding, doesn't care, and/or in the same boat ","No, you shouldn't do that.

It would be comparable to you approaching a woman, and immediately (right when you first ever talk to her) apologize e.g. for being shy, or for not being eloquent, or for being quite nervous, or for daring to be in her presence.

All of that comes out of a bad mindset, that apologetic, fear-fueled, pleasing-mode mindset. Any woman with half a brain, and also any man with half a brain, will understand quite well, that in these times many, many men are not only vastly less experienced than most women (of the same age but also more mature and older men), but often have zero experience. 

And, yes, women, by and large, prefer men with experienced because women don't like to take the lead in seduction. Most of them don't want to that, don't like to do that, fear doing that even more than you and also find it considerably more exciting if and when the man does that.

But, experience isn't as important as the will to take action. Balls are considerably more potent in such contexts as having experience. Experience alone will not be enough for any random mean that already fucked 5 girls to approach this one girl he likes or to make a move on the dates. He might have a bit easier time to find his balls because he knows he already had balls in the past most likely. 

But, it is the will to take action that is the most decisive varible. Explaining what you believe you're lacking in to 'apologize' (for what, eh?) or to generate empathy on the side of the woman is all weak. You don't wanna do that.

All this BS you might have heard about men opening up,being vulnearable, showing their feelings and emotions is all shit. 

Women like it when a man can be strong, has balls, can take initiative. And, lucky for you, possibly 75 % of women do not require you to be ultra smooth, ultra confident, ultra experienced. But, what 99,9 % of woman want, is that a guy isn't a complete coward with zero balls. 

Doesn't matter that you have zero experience. Ask her if you can kiss her in a good moment after maybe 1 or 2 dates. 

Never later. Asking is not that good, but still vastly better than doing nothing, and it can work with quite a few women. Once you kissed a few girls or one girl for a longer time, a few dates and you then meet alone, it's gonna lead to sex. Once you experience that a few times, you already have experience.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
195,"So my partner isn't happy the fact that I would lie about eating unhealthy or when I am at a low I drink and then not tell her the truth when she asks. She said if I can lie about this then I can lie about everything else. Tho I said there a morals and bottom lines about these as I am not an alcoholic or anything, I hide it because I don't want to disappoint her or for her to tell me I am weak or I am an emotional eater. However she took it very seriously. So I am hoping if you guys can give me some advice about this situation.","She’s right.

Why are you lying at all?

If you plan to be unhealthy then own it. Let her decide if she wants that. Be honest with yourself.

Your word either means something or it does not.",I mean yea it's not crazy to think that if ur going to lie about little things ull have no issue lying about big things. Also healthy ppl don't hide drinking or eating,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
196,"I (F, 28) and Husband (M,25)  have been together 4 years and  don't know what the problem is. I just get completely disgusted when we kiss, touch, have sex. This has been going on for about 2 years. We have been together for 4. When we first got together, it was like rabbits. For the last 2 years, I don't like the feeling of sex itself, I don't like even being touches. It's gotten worse recently.  It's crazy because romantically I find him intoxicating. I love him so much for who he is, but I'm not equally attracted to him sexually, i think. I don't know if it's him specifically or sex in general. I went to the doctor about it. I've only had sex with one other person and the feeling was similar.  My doctor suggested porn together and masturbation but it didn't really work. Any suggestions or thoughts?","First, find a new doctor. Then find out if you have a hormonal imbalance. This happened to me, and we worked through it with medication and therapy. I am still not interested in sex a lot, but once we start with the foreplay, I can warm to it, and we are intimate weekly.","What doctor suggests porn as a solution lol

Don't listen to that doctor because this doesn't seem to be a constructive advice and I don't think it has any medical backing either. You probably don't like sex because of a hormonal imbalance. Get your estrogen and progesterone levels checked.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
200,"Recently, I met a girl who will hang out talk to each other go places together, hold hands with kiss and we hang on during the night because apparently she's busy with her friends most of the time I ask her out to hang out every time I try to ask her to hang out. She says that she has plans with her friends, so does that mean I'm a back up guy someone she could use for companionship because she has no one to talk to about her feelings apparently she text me recently that she misses me and she wants to see me have supposed to hang out Friday to go on a date, but she canceled Last minute because she was sick from her stomach for my bullshit because the day before she went to a friend she hasn't seen came into town so yeah what do you guys think? Just think I'm getting used or use as a back up guy because I feel like if she only wants to hang out during the night or during the day she probably embarrass me because she might be in a relationship with someone because I don't think I'm bad looking I'm sick too. I go to the gym. I work out I play for.
I'm pretty funny most people said and I'm pretty cool to hang out. What are you guys think? I'm being used or not","How long have you been dating with this girl? I do think it’s kind of a red flag that she hasn’t just included you in her plans with her friends. 
When my boyfriend and I started dating, I wanted to see him as much as possible. sometimes I had plans with my friends and instead of standing him up, I asked my friends if it was okay if he came. 
Being the hidden boyfriend/guy she’s dating isn’t the ideal situation. If she’s holding your hand in privet, she should be holding it in public too.",You should communicate with her then! It’s not cool at all that she’s doing this to you time and time again. If she’s truly interested in you then she would make the time when it’s convenient for both of you.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
203,"You can scroll through my previous post about the history of my father but a quick rundown. Since I was young he used to show me this woman and do a shh motion to indicate I shouldn’t tell my mom. They ended up getting a divorce and towards the end of my parents marriage he wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. She was the other woman. He brought her over to our country and started a life with her. She’s defo younger but not sure by how much. Anyways. My brother M22 was raised quite oblivious to why our parents marriage ended. Hes always been protected in that sense. In life in general tbh.

Meanwhile from young I got exposed early to porn, my father’s affair and PTSD from loud noises of my parents arguing. Life was never stable for me since.

Anyways fast forward to today. The dust has settled a little bit since all that stuff went down. Till I went to visit my father. I saw her stomach swollen up and he told me he had news. My heart just sank and it felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. He saw my blank look and started frowning and provoked me to answer. I told him about my concerns that he’s getting old, and needs to be more careful but more about the fact that I feel like this child is his way of getting revenge on “his old life” whenever he sees us I know he’s reminded of his failed marriage, and this is his way out. I told him that we barely have a functional relationship as it is and now he wants to bring a new kid into the world, it’s a recipe for neglect. 

Even as well when it comes to things like money and child support cos I have a younger sister too, he’s very inconsistent with that and it’s always a problem for him, now a whole child??? We’re never gonna see a penny. As if it already wasn’t hard enough. I don’t see him very often cos life gets in the way and college. But idk maybe I’m being spiteful. The other woman said to me “what do you want me to do remove it?”

I’m currently sat in my brothers car busting into tears and not sure what to do, how can I make my father see it from my point of view?","Here's what you do- double down on being an adult. Study, earn money, be sure your sister has what she needs as best you can, and live your best life. 


Set some healthy boundaries so you can thrive. You know exactly who your dad is. Move on and heal. ","Unfortunately, you can’t control other people. There’s no way to make him see things from your perspective. I know that sucks. I had a freakishly similar experience to yours. Over the years reading many many self help books and several therapists later, I’ve come to understand that I just have to accept it. Easier said than done, but not impossible. Some people are just shitty, and some of those shitty people just happen to be our family members. Sending hugs ♥️",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 1,part 3
204,"My girlfriend and I are in a huge fight right now.
We've been together for two years and love each other but keep fighting over little things. She was mostly saying I should change how I did some stuff. I'll be honest: I really should work on many things and have been trying to. It's just that I seem to always fall back into the habit of doing those things again. She tells me about them by not saying anything many of the first times I do it or getting mad and just saying it's okay when I ask about it. Then we talk about it, and it blows up because she's been holding it in for so long, and it's not making her feel good. I keep telling her that it would work so much better if she told me upfront when I did those things to knock it off, but she's telling me she does, and she doesn't understand what l'm saying. She doesn't bring them up the next day or way later after I've done whatever l've done. She doesn't mention many specifics about what I did (sometimes she does). When she tells me about it after the fact, I try to look out for it, but I don't realize it's happening until it's too late and we have the conversation again. One time, she glared at me when I talked over her. I had a habit that annoyed her, and every time she glared at me, I recognized the problem and almost completely stopped. Back to the argument, she says she does tell me right after, but she doesn't. She waits until we are together anymore at home and texts me about it. She says she's ""not confrontational,"" but I don't think letting a partner know what they're doing is wrong, especially when I asked for it as confrontation. I understand it's frustrating when you keep bringing something up and nothing changes but i'm trying to tell her a solution and she's telling me she doesn't understand. How do I tell her that communication should be constant when she doesn’t believe?","She is not your mother. She should not have to communicate every goddamn time you do something if you tell her you'll stop doing it. Stop doing it. Don't rely on her to keep reminding you. She's tired of it, of course she's pissed.",Honestly it sounds like ur the issue. She wouldn't have to communicate so much if just stopped doing the things again,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
207,"Dating for 1.5 years and intimacy has been very minimal because “antidepressants took his sex drive”. We were semi open because we always agreed sending nudes was not an issue. As for physical encounters we could talk about it.
He knows I am not asexual but that I am waiting for him and his times with his own self journey.
We are on a trip for Pride parade. Something he always wanted to attend to but never could, last week he was sad we couldn’t come because I am in a difficult moment money-wise. He told me how sad he was and I immediately spent money I don’t have on the trip. 
Went clubbing, got drunk, came back and I checked his phone while he slept and found out texts from last week.
The day before the infidelity happened he had told me he could not invite me to his house because his room was messy.
Then in the texts I found he offers his house for the hookup, went to pick the guy up at 3am and returned him at 6 and even paid him. 
At 5am he texted me he was watching a movie. I am repulsed at the thought he was watching it with the guy on his bed.
I’ve been distant all day. We go back to our city tomorrow and I don’t know if I should talk about it now and end the trip in a weird way, or wait until we are home.","That guy has you but won’t have sex but has no problem buying sex? You should be grateful you haven’t been fucking this dude. I am sorry he has been leading you on for nothing, idk what this guys endgame is with this relationship with you if he doesn’t want to be serious, you should just dump him when you guys get back or leave ahead of him","please speak up, there’s no excuse for cheating",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
209,"I’m starting to search for a more longterm thing, would i be fooling myself if I get intimate early on like I have when looking for casual fwb type relationships? Like first through 3rd date is that going to either only attract people looking for casual stuff or like put me in a box where I won’t be seen as a good candidate for a girlfriend? But on the other hand, if someone is looking for something more serious and I don’t sleep with them early on then will they think we are not compatible? Some people think you gotta get the emotional stuff started or a good friendship basis. How true has that been for y’all?","No it doesn’t but you should hold off on it if you’re genuinely looking for a serious relationship 

This way you can sift through incompatible partners BEFORE getting feelings involved",Hasn't been true for me at all. I hooked up with my partner as soon as we saw each other again after some years. We started our relationship then and there. When it clicks well it's almost natural.,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
211,"Me (male 21) and my partner (female 21) has been together for one and a half years. It is my first relationship and we spend all our time together since we are both in the same uni. The two of us would spend so much time together that both of our social circles diminished. One the extreme end, for me in particular, I have been trying to avoid socialising or even keeping in touch with my close friends for months. Before my relationship with my partner, I'm the sort of introverted person who would enjoy their time alone, but would still crave for social interaction periodically depending on my mood, as I enjoy making new friends, getting to know them and forming meaningful bond with them. But for the past 3 months or more, I haven't had the slightest motivation to talk to anyone but my partner. I even started ghosting my closest friend from all the way back in high school, it almost feels like a chore to talk to anyone but my romantic partner.   
  
I know this sounds very unhealthy, and it really is. Now I'm barely in touch with any of my friends. To them, it probably felt like i fell off the surface of the earth lol. My social life has been damaged to a point where I basically don't have anyone to hang out with and worst of all, I DO NOT WANT to talk to them despite knowing how problematic is it to not have a social like beyond your partner. But i genuinely do not want to have fun in the absence of my partner because it makes me feel guilty whenever i do have fun without them. For example, if i am part of very enjoyable conversation, I would constantly wish that my partner is here and it would sometimes make me feel extra guilty (it almost feels wrong) whenever I sense myself starting to enjoy a conversation or someone's company. In a fucked up way, it almost feels like I'm cheating on my partner by having fun without them. Therefore I sometimes find me unconsciously disallowing myself to have a social life outside my relationship. 

Why am i feeling this way? has anyone else felt guilty for making new friends/having fun when your romantic partner is not around? How can I stop feeling this way as it is obviously very unhealthy? 

Please help, need advice!",This sounds incredibly co dependent. This sounds like u need therapy.,"I think the new relationship energy, especially since it’s your first one, is skewing things for you away from healthy and into really codependent.

It’s healthy to have your own friends, hobbies, and interests in addition to those you share with your partner. Abandoning all other relationships and making your partner your sole person is not healthy. It’s okay to wish to share things with a partner but this is over the top.

What you’re experiencing isn’t that uncommon for young people but it usually blows up. Either your partner feels smothered or you end things and have no one on your team left as they’ve moved on without you.

You might want to talk to a therapist.",Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
218,I will go first; leave if the energy is not being reciprocated and don't make others convince you that your boundaries are negotiable,If something feels wrong at first then leave asap. Trust your intuition.,"It took me forever to realize this: 

Don’t place someone at a higher value than yourself. 

When you start seeing someone new, and feel a connection that you haven’t felt for a while, it’s so easy to fall hard and fast for them. BUT, when/if they start to pull away - let them pull away. 

Don’t play hard to get, but just act and tell yourself to be unbothered. If they don’t reply, or start ghosting - let them. If they come back because they realize that you’re someone who values yourself and won’t be a doormat, that’s amazing. If they don’t come back, also amazing because it’s a clear indicator that you were giving more than them, and that the relationship would have been 80-20.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
222,"hello friends,

when i was a junior in college i befriended this freshman. we were very platonic, just got lunch and chatted semi frequently. now, i have graduated and im 22. this summer we are hanging out a bunch, and we went to an 18+ emo club / party and ended up holding hands and being very intimate. i confessed to that i was developing feelings for her and she said she felt the same way too. i feel conflicted about continuing, considering that i am in soon going to be a salaried public school teacher in less than a year (have to get my student teaching done first) and she will still be in college and figuring her life out. 

it should also be noted that she has been in many relationships before and just got out a really abusive one a couple months ago. i, have never been in a relationship and feel comparatively immature for my age. at the same time, i wonder if i am selling myself short / holding myself back from growth. i have often felt like i wanted more time to figure things out in college, but i didn’t expect this to happen!

EDIT: also, we live relatively near each other this summer, but when she goes back to college she will be 90 minutes away.","20 and 22 is no problem at all. A typical age range to be in when in a relationship. You just need to make your different lifestyles work when you'll be having a regular job and she is still studying. But that shouldn't be a big issue, people make it work all the time. It's a super common scenario. Good luck, OP. There is no need to hold back on this relationship if you like each other. :)","I swear we're fast getting to the point where we're going to see ""is 3 months too much of an age gap"" on here.",Emotional Support,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
224,"
I’ve been in a relationship for about 4 years now with an amazing girl! Truly is my best friend. The most loyal and caring human being towards me! Only thing is I don’t have that spark for her and I never really did. I know she is head over heels for me and honestly that’s why I have been with her for so long. We now own property together and our lives are twisted together. 

I was out of town this weekend on a business trip and I met this woman at a bar and when I tell you I didn’t know what hit me when i saw her. We talked and the chemistry and spark was instant. I felt bad for leading her on and eventually told her I had a fiancé. She seemed very bummed but we kept in contact for the next few days. I truly believe I may have met my soulmate. I mean I was left gasping for air when she would turn away. I have never felt that level of attraction in my life. 

I now am contemplating leaving my fiancé but I don’t seem how I can come out of that ok. I love her family and she loves mine. We have already started to building a life together and idk how I can justify throwing all that away for a woman I barely know. 

I am on here to seek advice and learn from others stories if they have been in a situation similar to mine. 


","You're treading dangerous waters, bud.  Everyone is nice when they're single and looking.  I'd really hate to see you unbuild your life with someone you were going to marry, pursue this other woman and find out she's actually not compatible once your new relationship rolls along.","As an older man who has gone through the shit storm many a times in my life.....

Trust me.... It's not worth it.

Not trying to be the moral police here. But, life is long and 20 years down the line you still realize that it's a blessing to have someone who loves you more than you love your self. If you got family that loves you from her side, that's a massive plus as well. Simple advice I can give you is that ""you can burn anything and everything including the whole world...but never burn your home and the one that makes your house a home""

Saying that....as said..been through enough shit storms

So.,sure...letting this ""soulmate"" go will leave you with a 1st year serious regret, 2nd year of random regret and a 3rd year of seldom regret and a 4th year of ""once a year"" regret and 5th year of you will never remember her again. That much I can confidently impart with you.

Still if you want to pursue it, well..be kind to your girlfriend and break it off right now. Even keeping in contact with your supposed ""soulmate"" right now is a form of cheating. Then go full throttle guns blazing at your new interest keeping your fingers crossed on that shit working out for you on the long run. 

Basically it boils down to a simple choice mate. Either you keep your win and walk away or take a leap of faith and gamble everything you have built in your life. 

Choice is yours as there's no set methods or established protocols to follow here. 

God speed my man...god speed",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
225,"I was at a wedding this weekend, and while there were some things that went well ( got to dance with a girl and got her number at the end of the night) I did some very awkward things looking back on it and probably ruined my chances. Every time I have some sort of social interaction that isn’t normal or expected, I look back on it and cringe bc I do something weird or awkward like putting my name in her phone as A-a-Ron instead of being normal and putting Aaron, or leaning into a picture that someone was taking that in hindsight I don’t think I was meant to be part of, and probably other things like that. I can usually get a date or a number on occasion, but I tank my chances once people talk to me or text me or interact with me for a long enough time period. I’m tired of giving myself second hand embarrassment from doing cringe stuff, what can I do to help this? It makes me not want to do anything social because I’m tired of embarrassing myself ","I think experiencing this is just a part of growing up. I know i went through something similar. 


You just have to take that experience and deny some impulses that pop up.","""A-a-Ron"", nice deep cut reference of a classic Key & Peele sketch.

Anyway, as a somewhat socially awkward man (I don't feel that way, but have been perceived that way), you just need to learn how to find your people. 

You'll eventually learn how to spot the people who ""get it"", versus the ones that don't.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
230,"I 28F have been seeing this guy 35M for about two and half months. We had great chemistry from date one, and have maintained consistent communication and time together though we both have jobs that require travel and long hours some days - we’ve made it work nonetheless. We’ve done no sleepovers or anything significant, however recently he’s started sharing more about his child (which I knew about from day 1). I’ve never dated someone with a kid, however I knew it was significant for him to start sharing and he even said it was. He’s also told me on his own volition that he really likes me and wants to be more intentional about us and our time together. I asked if that came with exclusivity as we have been intimate and I personally have not sought others and wanted to make sure we were on the same page. He agreed he too was not interested in others but the rest of his message really bummed me out. He basically said it was just me and his kid in his life right now but that he ultimately doesn’t know what he he wants and if he wants anything at all and that he’s just playing things by ear….. i didn’t make a fuss of things but I was genuinely confused. He said that he only as that I let him know if I start hooking up with and seeing someone else. Am I crazy or is that mixed signals? I feel like it’s a bit unfair to say we’re exclusive but that he wasn’t sure if it was moving anywhere… I stated early on that I ultimately was looking for a LTR. But I currently feel like I’m in some sort of relationship limbo and could be missing out on someone who isn’t confused or unsure about where we stand. Is that asking for too much after almost 3 months of getting to know someone? 
","Nobody can set your boundaries, but you. I would at least have the conversation with him that you are seeing his indecision as stagnation, and that for you, it is a deal breaker. 
If you feel differently than this, then explain it. Wouldn't spending almost 3 months warrant an honest conversation about limitations?","You guys should be having these convos in person, or at least by phone… not by text.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
231,"So we became a thing when I was 16 and she was 30. I believe I was groomed but at the time I didn’t realize it that I was being used. People warned me but I didn’t want to believe it. 

A few years later I realized how fucked up my life is.

I graduated high school early for her, lost friends and didn’t keep in touch with anyone. Dropped out of college for an online school that I rushed through just so I could be with her. She was “aging and needed to get married soon or she’d have to leave me” which I guess she tried.  

Now I have a degree that’s practically meaningless. Never got the college experience, in debt from spending money on trips, no social life or friends and I have trouble interacting with people, socially awkward. 

Now she’s saying she’s proud of where I am and how I am focusing on myself. I believe she has no right to say that to me when she ruined and took years of my life that were or should have been the most important.

Now she can’t do anything to help me or make things better but she sure can help me financially. Is it wrong for me to ask her for a couple grand? 

Like I know the better thing would be to move on but I find it soo disheartening and infuriating that she can easily say I’m proud of you and move on. While her life was never impacted this significantly compared to mine. 

What should I do? I told her tonight I find it difficult to hear or accept that from her. When in actuality it’s her fault. The challenges I face daily, parts of my life I never to go experience and make memories of.
 
She goes I guess it’s best to cut contact as she’s moved on and realized choices were made on both ends. That she doesn’t appreciate the victim game. 

What do you guys think?",I think you were groomed.,"You can’t really move on,all you can do is forgive yourself for it and try to be a better person than you were yesterday, groomers will never realize how much they took from you, you can go to the police for statutory rape depending on state you live in. They always move on with their life’s as if we are nothing, leave you to pick up the pieces. You can sure ask her for a few grand but I wouldn’t bother it just gives them a reason to stick around longer.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
236,"
My boyfriend cheated on me, and after that, our relationship was never the same. I discovered that he was seeing another girl and talking to three more on Tinder. He had been using Tinder for three months while he was with me. I decided to forgive him. After he cheated on me, he constantly accused me of being unfaithful, controlled me, and asked me to send pictures. I agreed, but the problem was that he didn’t reciprocate. On Thursday, I found him walking with a girl; I knew she was his friend, but I still got angry and didn't text him all night because he didn't tell me he was going to do that, and he always demanded that I do those things. After that, he stopped talking to me for two days, until today when he decided to break up with me. His reasons: because I’m insecure, controlling, and jealous. I want to add that he invited me to lunch today and brought his mom. I couldn’t talk to him about anything except when his mom got up to order food. At that moment, he said, “We have nothing more to talk about. We’re done.” I feel somewhat frustrated by everything, and I feel it’s my fault for being jealous on Thursday and that nothing is right. Is this my fault? Because I think I am guilty.

I want to add that this is very painful for me, but the relationship was suffocating me financially. He was very demanding with gifts and food, liked to eat at expensive places, and I usually treated him, spending all my money on him every month. That suffocated me a lot, and I accepted the breakup just because of that. Financially, he left me in a very bad place. Do you think I should write to him and ask to fix things? What should I do? I don’t know what to do from now on.","The relationship is done.  He was unhappy that you didn’t trust him (for good reason) and that you weren’t ‘letting him’ do what he wanted with whoever he wanted.

The dude was (is) a disrespectful, dishonest, disloyal cheating asshole.  People like that aren’t good people with high moral character.  When someone shows you who they are, *believe them.*

Surround yourself with friends, family, hobbies, sports, etc.  Save money while you’re at it.

It hurts when you find out that someone you care about isn’t who you thought they were / wanted them to be.  Onward to bigger and brighter things!","It's bananas. He sounds like the worst. He cheats on you, sucks up your money, and you want to go back to him? I don't understand. Am I missing something? It's got to be a joke post.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
237,"Sometimes it’s a hit or miss with a match on OLD when the guy stop responding or unmatched me. I honestly just laugh it off but i really like to know what makes you turned off? 



",“Wyd” - sends me into a rage 🤣🤣🤣🤣,"A few things for me (26m)
1. Trying to get me to sub to something (onlyfans, fansly, etc.) It shows you already assume that I'm only sex minded, and that's not an energy I can start or continue a convo on
2. One word responses that don't give me room to move the conversation. If I ask you a question, give me more than, ""yes"" or ""I guess"" so that we can actually talk
3. Taking days to respond with no explanation consistently. I don't want to be a five days later thought to someone so I'll just remove myself from those situations",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
238,"I (18F) have little experience in dating. This guy (18M) has been liking every single story I post. I’m interested. We went to the same middle school and I’m looking to rekindle things. 
I have been liking his stories and just now I liked a note that he posted, but when I did, I genuinely felt nauseated and disgusted and nervous. I would love to be in a relationship with the guy, but the whole process of starting over on a new person and getting them to start talking to you is so nerve wracking. 
I talk to other girls my age and they seem to be able to have a new guy they snap every week, but I just cant. I never talk to guys I dont know, nor do I want to. 
What do you guys think? Is it normal to be so nervous about starting a relationship that you feel sick to your stomach lol? Does this mean I’m not good at dating? What should I do to calm myself down about this?
",You'd be amazed at what you can find with open and honest communication.,Just message the dude. Why dance around it like this?,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
239,"For a brief background, we've been dating/going out together for 4 months. He asked me what I wanted for our relationship, so I said I needed to know if we were on the same page before making any decisions. This morning, he admitted he likes me, and I told him I like him too. But then he said, ""We're clear now? Then I'll go to sleep,"" which disappointed me. It felt like we should discuss what happens next after his confession. Am I expecting too much, which is why I'm disappointed? Now, his messages seem a bit distant, or maybe I'm just overthinking things.",4 months seems like a very very long time not to even say that you like each other. That usually comes up within a few dates for me,"the fact you call him saying he likes you already a confession says you're expecting too much. life isn't an anime. were you hoping for fireworks to go off randomly in the background and for him to pin you against the wall and start making out with you?
he seems distant now because you confronted him on it and told him he needs to tell you his feelings.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
240,"
I am in a long-distance relationship. We are very much in love with each other. She has a very high sex drive so we sext often, which I love to do. We have a great relationship outside one thing: she has a pretty massive kink for NTR or “cuckolding”.

She brought it up several times and wants to involve me in it. Basically, it’s been a long time since she’s been intimate with someone and yearns for it. She’s been wanting to hook up with a guy, just once, and text me during. She is fine with almost any condition I set for it. She doesn’t want any kissing during, he will be blindfolded, etc.

I have some relationship experience but none were with this high sex-drive nor with such a kink. I can tell it means a lot to her but she told me she would never do it if it makes me sad.

I’d rather not do it at all, personally. I know no feelings are involved so it’s less jealousy, but I don’t want her to unconsciously compare my performance to some other guy. But I know this will mean she’ll just be pent up, especially given our current distance. She assured me it would be a one time thing and I’d be very involved.

I think, if I can set some conditions down, I might be willing to do it *just once*. I’d especially rather agree to it because, shitty as I am to think that, her hypersexuality is to the point where she’d either be miserable, or she’d go ahead and do it quietly. I’d rather at least be *involved* if she does.

I wanted to ask this for experienced kinky people: if you had such a kink, would you be satisfied with just one time? Did you ever end up comparing your partner’s performance to whoever you indulged in this cuckold kink with? How did it affect your relationship?","There’s a close to zero chance it will only be once, lol. If you research cuckolding, it’s usually the man who has that kink, not the woman (seeing his partner with someone else, humiliation, etc). I think she’s just horny & wants your permission to fuck.

If you’re uncomfortable, say no. Maybe suggest an open relationship while you’re apart, so you can both get some?","OP, this is just a way for her to have sex with other guys, and have you on board with it. You should refuse to participate, and tell her it makes you highly uncomfortable. Tell her if it comes up again, the relationship is over.

Tell her you would like to have sex with other women, and have her watch. Ask her if she is on board with that.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
242,"I’ll preface by saying I understand everyone is looking for something different. I’m also not saying I don’t know what I’m looking for. I just don’t know how to phrase it in a way that is clear. 

-I’m definitely not looking for a hookup. 
-I’m not necessarily dating to marry, as in, I’m not in any hurry. I feel like any version of “I’m looking for something serious” is way too much pressure. I would be open to something serious with the right person. 
-It would be nice to go on dates and get to know someone if I find anyone that seems interesting and compatible. That is casual to me. If something serious develops from that, awesome! If not, maybe we can be friends or just go our separate ways, but hookups or fwb or situationships are still fully off the table. 

I feel like, to me, my intention is to date casually and see where that goes. But, to most men (at least most men on dating apps), something casual is synonymous with hookups. I’m not gonna have sex with someone I’m not dating. 

I don’t know how to make sure expectations are clear for everyone. ","You can say something like, ""I'm open to meeting new people and seeing where things go naturally. I'm looking for genuine connections and enjoying the dating process, with the possibility of something serious if it feels right."" This communicates your openness to both casual dating and potentially something more serious without applying pressure or implying you're seeking a hookup.",Pressure for who?,Practical Advice,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
243,"I don’t even know where to begin with this but I’ll try to be as short as possible with giving the full story. 

I’m 26 and my girlfriend is 24. We’ve been together for a little over two years. Living together for a year. 
We have a very active sex life, usually every day or every other day.  She was my first. I wasn’t her first but that’s ok. So it’s safe to say I watched a lot of porn before I got into a relationship. 

We talked about it in the beginning of our relationship. She didn’t seem to have an issue. She watches it too. She just said no onlyfans because her ex cheated on her with an only fan model. I said ok. And we went about our relationship. Until we decided to watch porn together as a couple. At first she seemed fine, then she just walked away and said she wasn’t into it. 

She told me she saw the look on my face, and she doesn’t like that. And I guess ever since we moved in together, she stopped watching porn. She told me “I’m satisfied with you. I don’t need to watch it. It doesn’t do it for me anymore” 
I said I don’t watch it as often anymore either. And that was that. 

We started getting into dirty conversation, and once again. Porn came up. I mentioned that I look up instagram girls OF usernames so I can watch it on Reddit or another platform. I’m not paying. I’m not interacting. So I thought it was ok. 

I asked last week if she wanted to find a “JOI video for couples” (for those who don’t know, it’s a video of a woman instructing somebody how to pleasure themselves. It’s been something I’ve always liked. And she’s bisexual. 

She said “no” and said she wasn’t in the mood anymore. I said “even if it was a hot older woman???” She said no again and walked away. We talked after she she said that she doesn’t like how specific I am with my porn. As in looking up nudes of specific actresses and such. And that it makes her feel like she’s not enough when we have adventurous sex. 

I watch it wayyyy less than before. I just brought it up again months and months after because my girlfriend mentioned JOI. Her telling me what to do in person. That’s why I suggested one we could both watch. I don’t look up specific porn stars anymore and I don’t understand how it’s different than watching porn. It’s all just out of curiosity. 

Now she’s debating everything. ","Porn in relationships is kind of a tricky topic. The sort of stuff your partner watches can bring up insecurities in you that you had no idea existed, or even actually give you new ones, it's pretty crazy.

When it comes to the OF thing, it's kind of obvious that it's not gonna be a good idea to look up OF girls even if you don't pay for it so 

No idea what kind of porn she's watching herself but my guess is that she compares herself to the women you get off to and feels threatened by them","OK, the OF thing - nice try, slick, but this is a relationship not a debating society, technicalities don’t win they just make you look sneaky 

On the rest: I get not being cool with you being into specific porn people, that becomes a very direct comparison between that person and her, which is not a nice feeling. More generally, people can have *really* specific porn tastes that may also depend contextually on a thousand other things going on at the time, it may literally just be that she’s not into specifically what you’re into

What she said about the “look on your face” makes me think she perceives your response to porn to be objectifying. And on the one hand, it’s porn, of course it’s objectifying. But at the same time, she (presumably) thinks of you as a respectful person who sees her - and by extension all women - as a whole person. Seeing you in “porn mode” may have been quite jarring to her perception of you

Honestly I’d just stop trying to share it, clearly that’s not working for her",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
246,"I think the main reason I am writing this is in the off chance he will he will see which is absolutely pathetic but hey guess I’m pathetic right now.

When I say husband, it’s only bc we can’t get divorced yet. If I refinance then it will double my mortgage and I can’t pay that but I kicked him out years ago we soon as I found out but but he was fully in love with her and despite acting like he was still seeing her, they are (SHOCKER) together still.

I want to be in a chill place for our son who is five. But he talks to me with such a nasty tone like he hates me. He was my best friend years and absolutely amazing the first few years when I found out. I was hospitalized a month after we got married and within the day I went in I was diagnosed and quickly paralyzed from left side, waist up. For years I struggled so bad and we were youngrt. It was hard on us but I was getting better and I thought we could fall back in love but by then he was gone. 

I’ve forgiven him but this hurts worse than cheating. I got angry bc our son called him and the mistress was making noises when she heard my voice that it seemed disrespectful and just. I blew up his phone after and he blocked me but it’s been weeks and he will change his work schedule and his or my mom tells me. WHY!?

I didn’t do anything to him and I’m doing so well, nearly back to normal. My neurologist said the case baffled him and I even started my own marketing agency recently and… the guy had not once asked how I am. 

When I blow up I get real nasty. I know. I’m so hurt and I don’t want him as a husband (ew gross)) but I do want to coparent well for our son and it’s impossible if he is so nasty/acts like I don’t exist. When I found out I kicked him out hurt he came over all the time bc it was good for our son and honestly I was okay bc by the time I found out I felt relief. I realized he had been really horrible to me but I was so sick/tired I didn’t react. I trusted him more the myself so I just internalized everything. For 8 years he was seemingly the sweetest man. He can this be the same guy? 

Someone make it make sense!
",What's relapsing on MS?,"Cognitive dissonance is the answer. He knows cheating on you while you were sick is a scummy low-down thing to do. He is an awful person UNLESS you were a witch and a terrible wife before you got sick. He has probably rewritten history in his own mind and convinced his AP that they aren't really bad people because the marriage was already over. The way he treats you is a reflection of his newly created really. Kill him with kindness. If he will not meet you halfway on creating a schedule, it isn't your fault when he doesn't get his time as a result. Wait for him to text you or get an app to communicate. His AP is probably super paranoid because she knows everything they did while you were still together. I bet she is monitoring the communications.",Not Relevant,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
247,"I've been dating a guy for 6 months. His birthday was last month and I spent almost $200 on gifts that would be personal to him. My birthday was last week. He wished me a happy birthday via text and that was it. He told me he got me a ""small gift"" but never gave it to me after seeing him 3 times since. 
I got really emotional over the week and told him I didn't think we should be together. He didn't seem to care. 


My friends were furious when they heard he got me nothing, as they know I was making the effort to buy him his gifts online and to make sure I got it in time for his birthday. 

Was I expecting too much? I told him I would have appreciated even a rock by the river. ",Sounds like one of you was in the relationship the entire time while the other wasn't.,Never spend that much money for the first gift unless you have no expectations the value would be matched. Not worth it for someone you known for 5 months dating wise. It’s okay to have expectations but given his lack of response or care I’d drop him,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
251,"I’ve been texting with this guy for about a month and a half, we hung out once after a couple weeks of talking and I had a great time and he said that he did too. After that I went out of town for a little over a week and we agreed to hang out again after I got back. However, for the last week or so he’s been taking longer and longer to reply to my messages. A few days after I returned from my trip I asked him if he was free anytime soon so we could plan something and he said he would be busy for the next week but should be free after that and would let me know. It’s coming up to the time that he’s supposed to be free and he’s made no mentions of making plans since then, I’ve been back for almost 2 weeks now. He has told me that he has a lot going on right now (he’s taking a lot of summer classes, is working, has some drama going on in his friend group and also some family issues that may cause him to have to move out soon) so I know that he’s currently struggling a little bit. There have been a few times when he’s taken a long time to respond that he apologized and said it was because he had a bad day due to everything going on. He’s never taken more than a full day to respond before, however as of right now it’s been almost 30 hours with no reply and (I know this might be a little crazy of me) I checked his snap score and saw that he’s been active on there. I know that he has a lot on his plate but now I’m starting to have doubts that he’s just using that as an excuse to distance himself. I’m worried that I may be overreacting since we haven’t been talking for very long, but I’m considering ending things the next time he texts me (if he ever does). I feel bad because of everything he’s dealing with right now, but it just doesn’t seem like he’s in a place currently to be talking to anybody and I would rather not waste either of our time. I don’t necessarily want to end things, he seems like a good guy, but again I just don’t know if he’s in the right position for anything romantic. I want to give him some grace because of his situation but am becoming more and more suspicious that that’s not the actual reason for the long response times.
tl;dr: Been texting this guy for a month and a half, hung out once and both said we had a great time. Said we would hang out again but he hasn’t made any effort to and is taking a long time to reply so I’m thinking of ending it.","Respectfully I think he is giving you every sign to move on. Even if he is being genuine, would you want this to be the typical cadence? You deserve someone who wants you and is on the same page. If nothing else stop talking to him first and see how he reacts.","If he's juggling a lot, it could explain the slow replies, but actions speak louder than words. Maybe send a casual message like, ""Hey, hope you're doing okay! Still up for hanging out soon?"" If he doesn't respond or make plans, it might be time to move on. No need to wait around indefinitely.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
252,"Hello everyone. Hope you're all doing well. Just came seeking some advice. 

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over two months, however, we've known each other for longer (we've spoken for over a year).

When we got together, I experienced a lot of anxiety, which I suspect to be ROCD (a form of OCD focused on relationships), but beyond that, everything has been perfect. 

She is everything I could've asked for in a partner, or at least I thought she was, until the other day. We were making out and she said, ""the thought of someone else doing this to you makes me want to stab them."" Previously, we had talked about me being a bit possessive, her claiming that she wasn't. So, given this, I asked: ""So you are a bit possessive, aren't you?"" Jokingly, of course. I can't remember exactly how it got to this point, but eventually, I asked: ""Could you see me with another girl?"" Everything is blurry beyond this moment. Somehow it led to her saying, ""I could see myself with another guy."" At first I didn't hear what she said, and then had to backtrack. She said it would be like a performance for me, and that all she wants it to make me happy/proud. In fact, her saying this did the exact opposite. Once she realized that, she began explaining that is was just a fantasy and that she might not even be interested in it at all. She began crying and saying that she never meant to hurt me and that she doesn't want to ruin our relationship, in which I assured her that everything was okay, but it's still at the forefront of my mind. 

She explained to me later that she is in fact monogamous and doesn't want anyone else, but I can't get the thought of my head. My ROCD doesn't help either, as it always ensures that I fixate on even the smallest things. I know she loves me, that's a fact. But now I'm questioning the credibility and longevity of our relationship. I just can't seem to let it go at the moment. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.","I’ve never heard of ROCD, but if you think you have it, get yourself a real diagnosis & treatment instead of just suspecting you have it & letting it drive your thoughts. 

The lead-up to what she said looks like dirty talk focused on fantasy. You started it by asking if she could see you with another girl. She then took the baton & ran with it.","Everyone has different way of expressing their sexuality,  she was honest about a fantasy. It's important to accept that people will have fantasies and such, we can't control what others want. She also seems like she's cares about you with how she cried afterwards. Even with that fantasy, she can still love you as you mentioned. Many people have fantasies but don't act out on them. I would try to focus on enjoying what you have  life is short",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
254,"As the title suggests, I'm having trouble navigating these types of conversations about moving in with two female roommates: one is a loose friend of a friend, and the other is a personal friend. (I can't afford to live alone and to me, these two people seemed like the best fit for me.) For most of my life, I've had no trouble making opposite-gender friendships that are strictly platonic, but I acknowledge that perspective may not always be shared.

At the end of the day, I want to make my partner feel more secure about this situation. Has anyone had experience with this in the past, and how can I be simultaneously supportive and realistic of the situation at hand? ","You said these women felt like the best fit for you. That’s telling. If it was me in your position, the best fit for me would be people that were the same sex because I know that would be best for my relationship and my relationship would be very important to me. Long distance is already SO hard, I would personally leave the relationship if my partner moved two women into his home. It wouldn’t be a concern of cheating it would just be that it would become too difficult to continue the relationship. It would also be clear to me that my partner wasn’t making decisions for us but for himself.","Well, if she's long-distance, this isn't going to be easy, but I've always found the best way to make your partner feel comfortable with your opposite-sex friends is to introduce them. Let them all get to know each other and possibly develop a friendship of their own, so they'll see they're no threat to them or your relationship.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
255,So I got out of a relationship last year and I’m having a hard time moving on. What’s something that’s helped you move on from you ex or any advice you can give to move forward and start dating again? I feel Iike I’ve lost my soulmate and I’m having a hard time moving on. ,"I just made a post looking for this exact advice. OP, please let me know if you find anything that helps. I feel for you.","You need to fall in love with yourself again. Simple. I once went through a heartbreak that hurt me and I never told I'd get over the person. 

It was taking too long and I could not even reciprocate to people who liked me. I got rid of all the things that reminded me of my ex-pictures, clothes, and I started working on myself more. I fell in love with myself over again and it made me see clearly that I deserve to love and be loved again.

It may take a while, but you'll definitely get over them",Not Relevant,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
257,"my friend just called me asking if i'd be upset if her and my dad got together. he's literally in his fourties and she's 18. they've apparently been talking back and forth and flirting for a while which is weird mostly because of his history.

He's VERY strict with me, who i date, my outfits i wear in public, and my past with me being abused and groomed multiple times. if i was out dating a 40 y/o and coming home to him and his teenage daughter he'd go INSANE. I was only adopted by him a year ago and didn't know him too well prior. he's been physically abusive (dragging, slapping, etc) but never sexual. it just feels weird but i dont know if it's weird or  abusive or anything? I guess my question is if I can do anything about this, if my friend is in danger, etc. ",Are u serious? Tell them ull cut them both off that's fucking gross. This is grooming for sure ur dad's a predator,"> I was only adopted by him a year ago and didn't know him too well prior

So this man was just a legal guardian to you for the past year?

Yeah, he isn't your dad. He's an abuser who is absolutely planning to abuse your friend as well. If you haven't, I would tell her that he's been physically abusive with you and that you would be extremely worried about her safety if she dated him.

I would also make a plan to get yourself away from this guy permanently. He's an abusive creep and NOT your family in any sense of the word. I'm sorry you've had these experiences.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
259,"So we’ve had arguments about this one girl in the past who he said was just a friend to him, and I never believed it because their exchanges seemed flirty. He had been liking her photos and what not and I actually just requested that he doesn’t keep contact with her if he’s had a flirtatious relationship in the past. He denied her even touching her, but I’ve heard from other people that they actually slept together. Anyways, he removed her from Instagram. 

Last night we were laying in bed having our own screen time, and our phones touched so his contact card shared and under his emergency contacts it had her listed as “girlfriend”. 

I honestly flipped out and I was telling him he lied to me about her, not having been his girlfriend and he was saying she was never his girlfriend, and he doesn’t know how that got there, to stop asking questions about the past blah blah. 

I never intended to ask questions about his past before me, but it’s a lie that bothered me. I’m not sure if she was his girlfriend or not (they worked together), but every sign points to that she was and he can’t admit.  

After this, he got up and went to the couch to sleep for the first time in her marriage and hasn’t talked to me all day today. Part of me feels immature for making an argument out of this, but honesty is so crucial to me that I’m having a hard time letting this white lie slip. 

What’s the most mature way that I can approach this? He seems to not want to communicate with me at all, and honestly seems quite disgusted that I reacted the way that I did.  ","Don’t get gaslit. It said what it said. Someone entered that word by that number. If not him, then who?","Your're married so presumably you share a phone plan. Log in to your online billing and look at activity under his number. it will show you what numbers he's texting, calling etc. You are not the problem here.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
261,"hi there, i recently reached back out to an ex that i cut off contact with two years ago. he did something that really upset me, and i decided to set the boundary and block him and i hadn’t spoken to him until last month in two years. it’s hard considering him an ex because we were pretty young and the bulk of our relationship was during peak covid times. I had only met him in person a handful of times. I was 17 when i stopped speaking to him and am 19 now. He also went away for college last year and is home for the summer, we hung out today and I kinda realized speaking and chatting with him has made me feel those past feelings again. He was the first person I ever loved and I do have a soft spot for him. I didn’t initiate anything today because I was fearing rejection lol. Any advice on how to go about telling him how I feel? The stakes aren’t super high because it’s not like he’s become a super close friend or anything and we weren’t talking at all until about a month ago. I don’t think i’d want to have a full blown relationship since he is far away for school, but I’d like to share with him at a prospect of something maybe happening. Feel free to share any advice on how I can communicate this to him.","You say it isn't high stakes but I do think you have to be realistic about how intense your feelings may become given how quickly they came back and the reality it would be long distance. That can be a lot more tiring than you hope. 

To me the stakes rather than being low instead feel weighted towards a negative outcome. Like even best case scenario he reciprocates and you go long distance. Worst case you feel rejection, or maybe you do date and realise that actually it was mainly nostalgia informing your feelings to begin with.","If you have no intention of dating seriously, do you really want to offer your heart to him?",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
265,"I've been on and off with guy for two years. We both know we still have feelings for each other but there's just a lot of baggage that makes us not be together. But recently we had like an actual cut off where we didn't talk to each other for a month. I may have told him that we should both see other people and see how it feels and that really hurt him because he felt like I was using him like a second option. I mean he's not wrong because the two years I got no interest from him and all of a sudden he's like trying to peruse me I needed to see if I still, felt for him. I ended up sleeping with someone random off hinge and this is something I've never done. It was strictly sex that was kinda bad. I felt like I had to sleep with someone to move on but clear I couldn't. But anyways I'm talking to the original guy now and I told him I slept with someone. He's kinda mad at me and doesn't know how he feels. I feel like I fucked up, I regret sleeping with the random guy already but telling him about it makes me regret it more. Anyways how can I explain to him that it didn't mean anything and I still love him.",Stop playing with his head! Leave him cut every connection,You don't deserve him,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
279,"I [38] have a female friend [36] who I've been developing feelings for the last few months. I seriously thought she was too, especially a few weeks ago when we were hanging out and she started being very physical affectionate in a way she hasn't ever been before - she sneaked up and kissed me on the cheek when we met, cuddled up very closely and intimately with me while we were laying in the park, held hands with me as we walked, and encouraged me to cuddle her some more when we stopped walking to admire a view.

I had thought that was going great, but then she very suddenly stopped and went cold,  and when I told her next day about my feelings she said she didn't feel the same. She said her affection was only platonic and she was irritated that I'd 'misinterpreted' it. I was pretty hurt and confused,  and said I wanted to talk more about where we stand going forward. She said she was stressed and needed a few days to process things. 

That was a month ago, and she's been silent since. We used to message multiple times every day, but she stopped completely, other than a brief spurt of messaging a couple weeks ago as if everything was normal, which stopped again as suddenly as it started.

I was planning on cutting her off completely,  but then all of a sudden, early this morning, she messaged again. She sent me a link to an upbeat song about love in one of her spotify playlists, saying it was to give me energy for the week.

Should I even bother responding? Should I mention the silence, or previous events? Really not sure what to do here.","It is odd how she made it seem like it was something more than a platonic friendship. I myself am a very touchy person with my friends (who are comfortable with it and know me pretty well). I can relate to holding hands but I have never kissed my friends on the cheek nor have cuddled?? It's like she intentionally wanted you to have feelings for her and wanted to ""test the waters"" without needing an exact talk about it. And hypothetically made up in her mind that she wasn't feeling you. 

Honestly just my speculation on it, of course I could be totally wrong but that's just me. For what you should do, you could either not waste your time with this girl anymore or if you really want to find out more or have a sense of closure, be straight up and ask. If she completely ghosts it and never texts again, you have your answer. If she actually does respond, you'll see where that goes.","Hmm maybe she's an emotionally avoidant person, who's afraid of showing and responding to affection. She do like u and the day u went to hang out in the park her harmonies conquered her fear but when she got ur messages and didn't know how to react so she chose the worst way---rej and pretend to be cool. IDK this is a toxic assumption.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
280,"Hey everyone! I just recently joined dating apps and have talked to three guys seriously so far. The first two were nice and we went on dates and it was good but with the third guy we’ve only texted so far but it feels different somehow, like this is how it’s supposed to feel. We haven’t even been in our date yet (which is tomorrow) and I feel like I’m already head over heels. Is this a bad things? I’m not gonna tell him “I love you” super early or rush to make it official but I think we both fall quickly and fall hard so I’m worried for some reason? We’ve talked about it just a little and said that these feelings of attachment usually last beyond a “honeymoon” phase so I’m hoping that isn’t an issue but something still feels too good to be true. 
Is it bad we’re both so into each other already? We haven’t talked about anything crazy like marriage or kids but we’ve talked for hours every day and are pretty flirty (calling each orher cute, adorable, etc.) even though it’s only been a few days. Should I even be worried about this?
I’m hoping the date goes well tomorrow and that the chemistry over the phone translates in person. 
Is there anything I should watch out for or be cautious of?
Any thoughts are appreciated!!!","Have a good time on your date. Sounds like you're excited, just remember to not let anything you don't want to happen too soon.","People can be very different in person.

Just approach your date with an open mind. If it feels more awkward than over the phone, that might not necessarily be a sign that you’re not well suited for each other. ",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
281,"I’ve never been on a drink date so I’m curious what the etiquette is. Im talking something light not a full course.

Reason being, I don’t see myself going out for water or juice/mocktails and I don’t drink alcohol or coffee…plus the drinks are the most expensive things on the menu.",Pay for yourself and you can do what you want. I like tapas on a date.,"Why go on a drinks date if you’re not drinking? I would counter with another date idea, it makes zero sense to specifically go out for drinks when you don’t drink alcohol or coffee when you could just literally do anything else.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
282,I’m (F19) dating (M24) he has this thing which I find very strange this is my first ever serious relationship he tends to be very rough in a playful way but when I do the same thing he tells me I’m aggressive if we’re watching a movie he goes on his phone is completely fine but if I do it an argument happens he opens the bathroom door without knocking he thinks it’s okay because we’re dating how do I fix this?,"You aren't going to like this answer.

  
You are a teenager dating an adult. There is a reason he isn't able to date people his own age.

  
When you are 24 you aren't likely to put up with the kind of shit he is putting you through. (see first point). It's best to learn the lesson now and not over commit. 

  
Everything he does is classic of a abusive manipulator. Things will only get worse from here.

  
I totally get why you would discount this advice right now but please keep a close eye on how things are progressing and think about it deeply and carefully. Why should you allow double-standards to exist in your relationships. Do you not deserve better?",The age gap is too big at this stage in life. You are barely an adult (technically still a teenager) and he sounds like a toxic manipulator taking advantage of that. It might be hard now but try to leave for your own good. You deserve better,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
284,"Me (23F) and my ex (32M) met on dating app. I've just got out of a 3-year relationship 3 months ago. Although I hate to admit, my initial intentions to download the dating app was to have some fun. Then I matched with this guy, which is my ex. He said that he wanted to date to marry. He seemed super sincere, after matching with me and asking for a chance to get to know each other, he removed all of the previous matches. He took me on our 1st date, he was humble, kind and truthful, the way he talk about himself, his family, and his career made me believe that he was the best green flag I had ever met. I was treated like a princess, and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. After the date, we got closer, we talked about daily life things and also mentioned about intimacy. On our 2nd date, we both agreed to have sex for the first time. Everything was great. From that day on, he did text me like usual, but the amount of messages decreased, he also complained with me that he had a lot of work to do (he is a civil engineer), it took him some hours to reply messages lol, sometimes even fell asleep while texting 😂 I realized that I had developed feelings for him, but couldn't get the same attention from him, I knew I messed it up this time 😂. I decided to stop this relationship before it's too late. I texted him to explain that I wanted to stop because the lack of time we had for each other, and he said that he was in shock, but still respect my opinion.
Have you ever been through the same situation? I want to hear from you.","I’m an atheist, I believe in sex after marriage.

It’s not exactly his fault. Guys have less respect for you after you have sex. It happens all the time.

It sounds like you didn’t even talk to him or try to save the relationship before dumping him. I think this is, to say the least, irresponsible. How are you going to last in a marriage in the future, if you can’t bring these issues to him in the first place? Atleast brings these concerns to him before dumping him? Unless, of course, you didn’t want marriage. Then I’d question why you dated in the first place","Even though you both agreed, the toxic mindset that men have is that if she did it with that quick then she did it with everybody. Basically you’re easy. 
This is why I believe if you’re ever going to have sex with a guy thats not your partner, you have to be okay with the possibility of him ghosting you the next day. So what it comes down to make sure you really want just sex. 

I had guys use me for sex and try to play me. When you get older and date more you catch on and realize waiting is worth it.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
287,I'm a very sweet and affecionate person. Constantly get told as much by women I match with. But the thing is when I'm affecionate or sweet it doesn't work out. Just wondering why that is and if I should stop it.,I personally love when a man is affectionate. But physical touch is one of my love languages,"I love it, if they're affectionate but not suffocating",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
291,"Hello everyone,

It seems like my relationship is going downhill. My girlfriend is almost never happy with me and gets mad at everything I do. For example, we went to a festival last night (even though I hate festivals and she knows that but I went for her because I knew it would make her happy) and this morning she was telling me how we should have danced more, how we should have done more things and stuff - even though from my point of view things were going well and we were actually having fun. I feel like she always sees the bad part of things while I try to be more optimistic.

Another issue is our sex life. Although it has never been the best, a few years ago we used to do it regularly (twice a month or so). But this year we haven't done it even once. And I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but she also got mad at me for a few days when she found out I was watching porn. She used to send me nudes and I didn't need porn, but these days she doesn't send me those either. And I am tired of asking her to have sex or send me nudes because it feels like she always finds excuses not to come  at my place or send me things. And because I don't want to pressure her in any way, I resort to watching porn to relieve some stress. 

Also, I feel like she gets mad at almost every little thing I do that she doesn't agree with. In the last few months I've had a lot of stress regarding my career and I've told her that sometimes I might not be 100% when we go out, for example. Even though I tell her that, she always gets mad at me when we're in a restaurant and I look around, saying that I'm not paying enough attention to our relationship and to what she's saying. 

She seems to get mad when I go out with my friends too (although I am doing that only once a month usually). Last week I asked her if she wants to go out with me and she said ""no"", because she had some exams. I fully understood that, and some friends asked me to go out with them that day and I accepted. She got mad because I did that, I am still not sure why... I go out with her 10x more than I go with my friends and I always put here on the first place when it comes to these things, but I still fell that this isn't enough.

Should I break up with her? Or try to restore the relationship? Because after 4 years being together, it feels so hard just to let anything behind and start again...","I'm sure you do care about her as a person, but you basically made a list of reasons why you should break up. Do you still love her and actually feel it in you to fight for the relationship or is it really just for the fear of starting anew?","Yes, if the two of you are not happy,  you should break up. People often stay in an unhappy relationship because it’s become comfortable or they fear being alone . You both deserve to be with someone who makes you happy. Say, “It doesn’t seem as if we make each other happy and , I don’t see this relationship going any farther. I think it would be best if we went our separate ways.“ It’s unnecessary to go into details because that will likely just evolve into a fight over who’s right/wrong. If you are living together, make sure you have an exit strategy.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
294,"I (28 F) matched with a guy (31 M) on a dating app, and conversation has gone well. It's the most I've engaged with someone for a while. He asked for my phone number and I said no. He said he understood. I explained without too much detail that I got out of an abusive relationship a few years ago and had some stalking issues there still so I'm cautious and don't give out too much info too soon. His response was, ""You have a stalker? That must be flattering. Hahaha jk."" I responded saying ""no it's not, it was actually all really hard."" And then he apologized for making a joke of it and said it wasn't ""cool"" of him. 

Fairly, it rubbed me the wrong way. Tone deaf response, definitely. I just want to stop the conversation. But am I being unfair? I know people act dumb sometimes when someone shares something and they don't know how to respond. Or is this a clear sign that there's not going to be any empathy there? ","I mean he apologized so there’s clearly a conscious there. 

Seems like he was trying to make a joke to make you feel better about it or be flirty or something and he didn’t realize how you would respond. You aren’t wrong to be uncomfortable but I wouldn’t necessarily end it all because of one bad joke. It’s a dating app so people are probably not used to being serious when they first start conversations","If it made you uncomfortable and you want to end the conversation, that's valid. Your boundaries are your boundaries.

If you're not sure, you could always take a few days off the app to think it over and decide if his apology feels genuine. If you decide to continue getting to know him, now that he knows it is a boundary, if he crosses the line there's no mistaking it for nerves or a misguided attempt to be witty or perhaps lighten the mood on an app.

I'm sorry you went through all of that, I know from experience it's hard to start trusting again on the other side.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
298,"I (F21) hAve been seeing this guy (M32) for 7ish months at this point. We were talking about going away and I asked ""oo where should we go"" and he goes ""the bush so that I can r*** you"". I immediately had a pretty visceral reaction: ""what the fuck"" ""fuck you"" ""where did that come from"" ""what compells you to say sometbing like that"" etc. but took myself aside for a second to cool off. He knows I've had some marginal experiences and that would be a particularly sensitive topic for me. It was so fucking out of pocket and out of character. His explanation was that it was dark humour and that him and his friends make jokes about dark things. I just could not believe my ears. I kept on being like how could you possibly think that was funny even in any context ever ?!?!?!  

Anyways. 

I now feel very conflicted on what sort of person he is. He's never said anything of this nature before and had always approached the topic of sexual assault very carefully or seemed to have concern at least. 

Pretty fucked up from my point of view and it really really really left just a terrible taste in my mouth. Am I overreacting? What would you do??!!  
",Run,Normal people don't make jokes about raping their partner.,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
303,"So I started dating this guy from a different state and all was good, he'd text me like crazy and say how much he likes me and l like him too so three days ago we made things official but these past two days he's just been busy and doesn't even like my messages or send me a quick text 

Instead he'd leave me on delivered even though he'd be active on insta for a good while 

When he does give me his time of day the conversation always leads from sweet talk to somehow being sexual so this is where I ask my question.

Am I being insecure or is this something to worry about??",Idk how anyone can do long distance. I don't trust anyone anymore lol. Too busy to respond but online? He is lying about something. My ex used to do that when he traveled for work. I knew immediately something was off.,He just wants sex. This is a very common behavior for fboys.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
306,"I’ve (29m) have been talking with this girl (33f) and been on a few dates and she said she needs space to grieve and be in silence and with family. She’s a therapist and it’s been tough because she was just out of the country for 2 weeks and after 2 dates is leaving again now to attend that funeral and will be gone 10 days. Things are otherwise very fruitful, conversations have been getting much deeper and I’ve conveyed interest. She said she will message me when she returns. 

Is this a subtle avoidant way of saying she doesn’t want to move forward or wants to move on from me? 
","Sounds like a very direct and straightforward way to tell you she’s fucking busy for a week because she’s had a death in the family and she doesn’t have the time or energy to be on “had a few dates with” terms with a new person.

Are you really going to take this as some kind of attempt to avoid you? How self-centered are you?

The correct response is “I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you and your family are able to comfort each other during this difficult time.”",Or maybe she's just grieving and going through a tough time,Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
307,"Hi everyone,

Quick context:
We have been dating for a couple months now. This is my first real relationship, and have only been on a few dates with a girl before that. My girlfriend has had several relationships but none that lasted very long (a few months at most). My gf is also very comfortable with her guy friends and have slept in other friends beds’ a fair amount of times (before our relationship).

I need some advice on how to set boundaries with my girlfriend. Here’s a recent conversation we had that’s really confusing to me, and Im somewhat concerned about:

Around 3am she sent me a video of herself drunk, talking to me:
“I need to go to bed but you [unintelligible]. So we (her and her friend) sleep like [together] but I’m like [facing away].”

The conversation takes place the morning after.

She confirmed she was drunk and that she had slept at a friend’s house in Derry. Dylan (19M) is Canadian and only comes down for a couple of weeks each summer. She mentioned she slept in his bed and so did he.

I noticed from a Snap she sent that she was in a different bed frame and location, so I asked, “Whose bed is that lol?” She replied, “Dylan’s,” who she had previously talked about as being a friend she was excited to see. I then asked where Dylan slept, and she said, “In his bed.” I responded, “Like a heads-up would’ve been nice.”

Then she called me and said, “Hey, I thought you said you weren’t insecure,” referring to a recent time I said that I’m not an insecure person. I was so confused that I didn’t know what to say, and after expressing my confusion, she said, “I thought you would, okay have a good day, bye.” End of call.

She then texted me:
“He wasn’t even there the whole time.
He transferred to upstairs.
Deadass platonic sleepover.”

When texting, she mentioned the video she sent (which is very hard to understand) and said, “So like I did think of you last night, I also mentioned you. So like, fuck you.”

In the last phone call, she made it clear that she’s never been interested in him, there were two other girls on the pullout couch, and she wanted to drive home but they wouldn’t let her because she was too drunk (she’s told me other times where she has tried to drive when she’s drunk, but also had people stop her). She also said that Dylan was only there for 30 minutes before going back downstairs.

I want to stay together, but I feel like I need to  talk to her and maybe set some boundaries. How can I approach this situation without coming off as insecure or controlling?
","Male freinds are a red flag
Hanging out and getting drunk with?
Drunk in his bed ????

Theres no way that she’d be able to convince me they didnt have sex. 

Who sleeps in other mens beds while in a relationship. Ppl masturbate and have sex on those mattresses. Im not comfortable with at all. 

U might have to break up with her. Or atleast start inviting girls to get drunk and sleep on your bed.","I was a wild child in my uni days. Was partying, was going to bars and slept in friends houses a lot. I have slept in beds with people I barely knew to sleep. BUT I never did that when I was in relationship, either found a way to go to my dorm/house or shared a bed with a female friend.

Her responses seems gaslight-ish and unnecessarily aggressive. It feels like she is trying to gaslight you into thinking that you are insecure and are reading too much into it. And also;

> so I asked, “Whose bed is that lol?” She replied, “Dylan’s,” who she had previously talked about as being a friend she was excited to see. I then asked where Dylan slept, and she said, “In his bed.”

>He wasn’t even there the whole time. He transferred to upstairs. Deadass platonic sleepover.”

>She also said that Dylan was only there for 30 minutes before going back downstairs.

Which one is true? Did he sleep in the bed, did he go upstairs, or did he go downstairs after 30 mins? These are 3 different stories...

This doesn't look good I'm sorry",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 1,part 3
308,"My ex and I decided before our kid was born that we weren’t going to allow any pictures of her online. This came from our own wants of privacy as well as the protection of her from creeps online. Even while attending daycare we wouldn’t allow her to be included in anything public. 

We expressed this desire to all close to us soon after and everyone agreed to keep her offline. Aside from my sister accidentally posting a video on her story that was only up for a couple of minutes everyone respected our wishes. Aside from my mom. I don’t follow her on Instagram and I’m not on Facebook, so I don’t have access to her accounts. A couple of months after she was born I was on my mom’s phone and saw she had posted a picture of my newborn on instagram, showing her hands and feet. Not the biggest deal but I told her not to post anything else and that I wouldn’t be coming around otherwise. I don’t really see anything come up until earlier in the year where I see her Instagram open and it’s full of posts of her again. I told her again to stop but yet again I see her earlier today making a post on Instagram and again she seems to just ignore me. 

I’ve explained before why I do not want pictures online, including stories showing how it could get into the wrong hands. Her account is private but regardless I don’t want pictures online and I’ve been adamant on that stance since she’s been born. She disregards my wants and authority as the parent.  Me and my daughter are both living with her currently so I can’t exactly just remove visits. Is there a way to get her to stop posting and remove the pictures?  ",Dont give her any photographs and dont let her take them either,"Report the pictures and her account over and over again on top of not giving her pictures and telling her she can't take pictures anymore, - now keep in mind she can always take them behind your back and still post them - I know crazy gmas that have done that there is nothing you can do really besides that nobody has the right to privacy in a public space and can have videos and pics taken regardless of how you feel sadly thats a legal amendment that I do support for good reason but when it comes to this that makes these situations hard, I don't want my own mother having any sort of pictures or videos of my kids for reason. And my brother constantly sends them to her against my own will. I don't like him doing that. I've told him he's not allowed to do that and he still doesn't behind my back because she deserves to know what she's missing out on is his point of view. I don't feel like that's a good enough. Excuse because I don't want her seeing my kids after everything. She put me through so and there's nothing I can do about that.  Other than stop giving him pictures.But then he just gets them from other people who he knows has them, thats one of the few reasons why he's not allowed around me either anymore",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
312,"my bf of 4 years cheated on me with my bestfriend for months. Would y’all stay too? We don’t have kids or aren’t married (thank god lol). Recently moved to San Diego, CA and prices are no joke here. That’s the biggest thing i’m considering before deciding to leave. He always talked about marriages and babies so this was the last thing i expected. Apologizes for being naive as my mind is telling me to run for the hills but my heart wants me to stay🥹Do all men cheat? Once a cheater always a cheater? Will he actually change? 
",Not all men cheat. But yours does so you should move on.,"That’s many lies over an extended period of time. He doesn’t respect you as his partner or as a person. Be done. He’s shown you who he is, believe him. Look a little further north or east, if you can commute. It is more affordable.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
315,"My gf wants one but I have no idea how to do it I tried three times on her wrist but it still doesn't work, I bite a small area with my lips and suck it but still nothing shows up. Any ideas?","technique is the key here! how hard are you sucking? are you biting hard enough? usually it’s a few nibbles and then some sucking (you should suck harder than you think you should; make sure the skin is being pulled up slightly into your lips so the capillaries in the vessels can break slightly) and then a hickey can start to form. it also depends on where you’re at on her body. places with thinner skin (like the neck, collarbone area, chest) have been better areas for me as a female receiver, and depending where on the wrist you’re at, the skin can be kinda thick. they can show up in as little as 30 seconds or take longer. i’ve had some show up an hour after the fact! 
don’t be afraid to go harder than you think! but if you notice your partner is in pain, stop! communicate with them and try again if they’re willing. practice makes perfect, as they say, so don’t be discouraged if nothing happens as you want it to the next few times. good luck to you and i hope everything goes swimmingly :)","Hickeys are made with intense sucking, not biting. Depending on your lip shape and mouth size, it might be tricky, especially if you are doing it on a thicker piece of skin. There’s a reason people always have neck hickeys: because they show up real easy.

The best advice to a good hickey is
1. Don’t hold back on sucking. It’s important to incorporate more then just sucking, but you gotta pull hard to make a mark
2. Do it on a place of the body that has looser/thinner skin (neck, thighs, chest)
3. Commit to it for sometime. It takes a second to do a good hickey, be a little patient 
4. Keep your lips in one place. If you are sucking hard on the skin, you should essentially be trapping the skin. Think about your lips like they are an empty water bottle, if you squeeze it tight against it, the skin should suck in and remain there for a while, same with your lips. It’s more of a tight space/air game then it is a mouth one. 
5. Accept that it can’t guarantee a hickey. Depending on your GF, she might not bruise all that easy, so it might be harder to leave a mark. 


Hopes this helps!",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
316,"my boyfriend (26M) and I (24F) have been dating for around 3 months. yesterday, his ex reached out to me and told me that my boyfriend has been liking her instagram stories. she sent me screenshots of him liking recent stories of her, even one in a bikini. she said he also swiped up on one, and they messaged for 4 days (when I asked what they talked about she said it was just about work but why keep the conversation going for so long?)

idk how to feel. I know social media isn’t real life but i’ve never had anyone reach out to me before. is this a big deal or am I overreacting? I don’t like the idea of my boyfriend liking another girls story let alone his ex ","Have you talked to him about it? For me, I’d be immediately gone. Very disrespectful.","I think she’s trying to break you two up, and start drama. You shouldn’t trust her. Why else would she rat on your bf if she is on good terms with him? Seems like shady behavior.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
317,"My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now.
Over the past year there have been some worrisome signs of abuse as follows:
* He has used swear words while fighting with me (he was the one to start verbal abuse and over time I also retaliated by swearing back). He has called me a dumb b!tch, c*unt, piece of sh!t, lazy useless pig, fagg0t, l0ser.
* He used to punch walls and throw stuff in anger including my belongings and his phone
* He has driven the car rashly and angrily while I was sitting in the passenger seat
* He has brought his hand up to my throat momentarily during a bad fight and later said it was just to get me to stop talking
* He has twisted my arm during a fight and it kept hurting for 2-3 days after but he said he did it playfully like he would with one of the boys and that he did not know it would hurt me
* During a fight he said over phone ""I will punch your face and make you bleed"" (this was the most recent)


He says he's reducing such reactions and controlling his anger. The physical part has stopped since but the verbal abuse still continues to an extent.
I got scared and shared some of this with my mother and she wants me to call it off.

He comes from a dysfunctional family and I feel bad for what he went through, being raised by a single mother. And he is also responsible for her financially.
We are also from different religions so that's another point of contention for him (I'm secular so I am tolerant of his religion but he isn't much of mine. He wants our future kid to follow his religion).

The reason I have stayed:
He has promised it will get better and I do love him a lot and the good times have been really good. And I saw myself marrying this man. He can be a very caring and loving and trustworthy partner.

I have seen some improvement in him, but I do feel disrespected at times in this relationship. I'm scared of a future where I'll be in an abusive marriage.
Because I have read that most men do not improve/change.

I would like some advice and for others to share their experiences. Have you faced such a situation before and has your partner improved/changed?
I feel completely confused as to how to proceed, and some insights would be helpful.
I will also speak to my therapist about this.","LEAVE NOW!! Please OP realise this is NOT love and he is manipulating you, Call the police and have them help you collect your belongings and escort you out

Don’t become a statistic, You deserve better than this","Please save me from every woman that is actively being abused and still thinking they can fix him.

“Ohhh but the good times are so good”, it’s not signs of abuse, you’re being abused regularly and if you give him warning that you’re leaving your life will be in danger.

I hope you can tell some trusted people and get away safely.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
323,"Context: we fought, haven’t spoken to each other in 3 days. She works late night during weekends 7pm - 7am shifts. 

I ignored her for few days she got mad. And now she seemed my text and hasn’t texted me in 2 days. She’s trying to get even. I can feel our relationship is heading to toxicity. 

We are probably both stubborn. No one wants to text first. And she hasn’t done anything shady to make me question her. To be honest. This is our first fight.

Yesterday she posted a selfie on her instagram story as well. I am also not sure if it was directed to me. Or she’s fishing for a new guy. (This is a pattern I saw for my exes) and it was 50/50. The one that posted with “skin” usually wants to fish. But she just posted a selfie. No skin or anything revealing. With music something along the lines of “f&$& love, I don’t need it” 

I am not sure what to do. She said she doesn’t use her phone at work. I caught her lying. I just haven’t told her that. She doesn’t text me at work but she texts other people.

She’s working right now. Only during weekends. 

We text on Instagram. I see her online on whatsapp. 

I just need help. It’s our first fight. 
Am I being paranoid? Is she being shady? Do girls chat late at night? Who could she be texting at this hour? (It’s 2 AM here currently)
","It smell bad. What you should do depend of the nature of your fight in the first place. If you yelled at each other for something stupid like the color of the new couch, just be mature and apologize to calm things down. If she insulted your mom out of nowhere, start fishing for a new partner.","This is baby behavior…getting into an argument and then ignoring each others’ texts. Come on.  It’s one thing to cool down over night or something, but days?  Neither of you should be in a relationship if that’s how both act. Man up and text her you’d like to talk about the other day and have an adult conversation and come to a resolution. If she doesn’t respond like and adult within a few hours to that text, then say it’s clear that you two aren’t ready for an adult relationship and move on. This is not how to handle disagreements.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
324,"I have noticed on at least two occasions that the contents of my wallet have been fanned out as if they were deliberately taken out and looked at after spending the night at my gfs house. I didn’t notice either time until after I left and got home. We have been dating for about 5 months now and she hasn’t said a word about it. I’m not really sure how to approach this. My past girlfriends have usually respected my privacy. I keep mulling over in my head exactly how I’m going to ask her why she keeps doing this, without her becoming defensive. I know damn sure I’m not the first guy who has encountered this kind of behavior. So, can anyone who’s dealt with this before tell me how you handled it, and what happened? TIA.","Honestly,it sounds like your partner has boundary issues. I've been with my partner for over 10 years and I've never looked in his wallet without his permission. Perhaps she was financially abused or is trying to catch you in some sorta lie. Honestly red flag but id attempt to talk to her. 

5 months is hardly enough time to be snooping imo. Just flat out tell her that your aren't okay with it and if there is any resistance perhaps rethink the relationship","My petty side says to write in a small piece of paper ""why are you looking through my wallet"" and slide it in between your paper money. Then see what she says the next time she looks in your wallet.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
325,"My bf and I have been dating for 4 months. I'm definitely not planning to have children with him yet. But since he keeps fantasizing about children, a wife and a house every day I decided to find out his ""timeline"". When I asked him he told me he isn´t even sure about wanting children, just discussing what if´s. He wants to live his life for the next 4-5 years and then maybe he´s ready. Maybe it´ll never happen. Okay. I continued to ask for his reason for maybe wanting children out of interest and he told me there is someone there to take care of him when he´s old. Idk what to think about this. My first reaction would be that I love children and want to see someone grow up. Imo demanding care from a child is unrealistic at best bc you never know if you get along and if the child wants to do it. His second reason is that is the ultimate proof of love since it´s a combination of both partners DNA. And also the love you feel towards a child is on a whole different level than everything else which i kind of get. Idk but the first reason that came up to his mind kind of irritates me ",Wonder why he wants a wife?,"> he told me there is someone there to take care of him when he´s old. Idk what to think about this.

Just ask more questions about it. Why was this the first thing coming to his mind? How does he imagine the process of RAISING kids? Will he take time off/reduce to working part-time to be there for them? Will he be willing to be the primary parent/emergency contact? What happens if the child is disabled? What if the child has mental health issues? etc. etc..

> His second reason is that is the ultimate proof of love since it´s a combination of both partners DNA. 

What happens if him and his partner can't have kids the ""natural""way? What if his sperm is an issue?",Not Relevant,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
331,"I could really use some perspective here. I'm feeling conflicted about my friendship with K (30M), and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or if my concerns are justified. We've been friends for five years online, initially bonding over a video game and chatting on Discord. At first, we were close, and he even used to give me in-game currency bought with real money. However, things changed when I turned down his romantic advances – the gifts stopped, and so did much of our communication.

Months later, we reconnected, and he apologized, but I noticed he started showering other women online with gifts and attention instead. It frustrated me because I saw these women taking advantage of his generosity while he seemed oblivious, just craving companionship. Our friendship became strained as I couldn't stand watching this dynamic play out daily.

Recently, he's become very close to a married woman in our game community, showering her with gifts and money. It's escalated quickly over just a few months, and he considers her his best friend now. I've repeatedly advised him to be cautious with his money and to value himself more, especially now that he's not trying to win someone's affection but just being generous to a friend.

I've voiced my concerns to him and others in our circle because I've known him for years and have seen this pattern before. However, it seems I've upset everyone by talking behind their backs and making assumptions. I feel torn because I care about K and want to protect him from being taken advantage of, but I also realize he's an adult who can make his own decisions.

Am I wrong for speaking up? Is there a way to handle this situation better?","I'm not sure why you think it's ur place to get involved. Also it's kinda hypocritical to complain about them taking advantage of him when u accepted gifts from him in the past. 

You also talked to others about it? So ur gossiping about it? Yea I can see why ppl are upset that ur talking about them to other ppl. 

You are absolutely wrong and kind of a hypocrite and definitely a gossip. He's and adult. He can spend his money how he wants. Mind ur own business.","He knows exactly what he’s doing and your own history with him on his vices makes this issue murky for you to get involved in, in my opinion.  although I understand how frustrating it must be to watch go down if you care about the guy.  People self destruct in all kinds of ways, it sucks you have to watch it go down like that but frankly he could probably self destruct in worse ways.  Sorry, I’m sure that doesn’t make you feel better.  But from the way you have told the story, I believe he and everyone is aware of this woman’s marital status?  It sounds like he will be spending his money on egirls who take advantage of him one way or another, perhaps at least this is a more stable situation since he and everyone knows she’s married?  Ultimately it boils down to not your circus, not your monkeys and you need to not get involved or people are going to read into your meddling as jealousy since you once benefitted from his self destruction before you rejected him.  I’ve been there and it’s rough being a girl online that way sometimes but it’s just gonna be drama you don’t need to get involved with.  Honestly considering the type of friendship he clearly craves id honestly be most interested in distancing myself from that guy.  It’s just not gonna be a good look and frankly you know exactly the only kind of attention he really wants…",Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
332,"I M18 have a crush on my friend who I will call ,S (F18) for reference we are both in high school but don’t go to the same school I met her about a year ago through a friend and we quickly became friends. I cannot tell if S thinks of me as more than a friend though. A few weeks ago we were at a party and her ride left before we got locked in I told her that she could sleep in my car she said she would bc she knows that I’m a guy that she can trust. So whenever I went to bed that night she was already asleep and whenever I woke up she was already awake and my head was on her lap. I apologized for that but she just laughed and said she didn’t mind. About 2 weeks ago we were texting late at night and the only part I remember about that is that I told her that I think she is very beautiful she told me that that was sweet of me but, she then asked me if I was drunk (I was) and I answered honestly, she responded with “you’re such a flirt when you’re drunk” which I thought she was trying to flirt with me there. Last week I asked one of our mutual friends (J) if S thought of me as more than a friend. Our friend didn’t directly ask S that question but J said she thinks that S sees me as a close friend. 2 days ago we were on a friends boat and it was very crowded me and S sat at the front of the boat and she used  my lap as a footrest she kept touching me with her feet too and we sat there together for like an hour talking. Last night S invited me as her +1 to a party we were there for about 30 minutes then the cops showed up and we ended up separate ways and we ended up at 2 different party’s but we were both to intoxicated to go get each other. So what I really want to know is should I take a chance at ruining our friendship and ask her personally If she wants to be more than friends or should I just stay friends and see what happens?",Always take a chance!!!! Every chance you get an opportunity that is positive for you then take it. You got nothing to lose,"Get a pair and make a move.  You’re only 18 once.  Don’t be 5 years from now looking back on it and wonder what might have happened if you asked out that girl back in high school.   Staying friends and “see what happens” is not a good strategy.  

Look - the biggest mistake guys make is they often have someone interested right in front of them and fail to take chances.  

Plan a date.  Ask her if she wants to do something with you.   Get some food and go a park or beach, mini golf, amusement park, or something along those lines.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
334,"So I feel in a slump. I'm 31 and still have never been married. Most of my 20s I was working and going to school full time to get my 3 degrees. 

I feel unlucky in love. My longest relationship ended because he cheated. And I just had a relationship of two months end because he said he's too busy for a girlfriend. 

I just feel like I'll never meet my husband and I won't have a partner in life. 

I'm starting to question what is so wrong with me. 

I'm a really not pretty enough, or smart enough or funny enough? 

Advice please. ","i don't know where you are from, but I think 31 is just a normal age to not be married yet. Hell, I even know people that got married in their 50's. You should just do what you like, and focus on yourself. When you do that, you might even gain some confidence in yourself. People like people who like themselves. Because that's hella attractive. You will find your person if you put yourself out there and start liking yourself a bit more. You just had a bit of bad luck with the people you met.","Hey you’re not alone. I got cheated on by my long term bf too and im so glad i didnt marry the wrong person. I get your frustration but dont change to get more dates. Be authentically you and eventually you’ll meet someone that clicks. Are you smart enough? Girl you have 3 degrees! That’s so impressive!!! If you truly want to be happy, don’t force connections or settle for someone just to add a checkmark to your list. My uncle and his wife didnt meet until they were 35. It takes time to meet the right person but i know you will eventually. Hang in there💕",Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
337,"So basically I went through a break up, it was my first relationship stayed together for 2 years. She went abroad to study and started lying to me about her whereabouts the second she landed, was very disrespectful throughout the relationship, shit load of issues. Not nice to me at all but nice to everyone else like wtf is even that, I endured it all till that day i broke things off. People who got back together after a break up, why did you do it and did it get better this time? ","No,  they're never going to be the person you fantasize they are.","Why do you want to get back together? It seems like she treated you bad and didn’t have respect for you. It seems like you idealize the fun times you had together and miss that. Unless she realizes that it was very bad what she did, and you trust that she can change.. i don’t see a reason to get back together. It’s also your first relationship, which means that it’s always special to you, but it also means you didn’t get to experience anything else and your judgement may be a bit, clouded I guess? 

Focus on you, and what you deserve. Your partner is a person that’s supposed to respect you and love you. And not treat you like crap. Do you want to spent the rest of your life with someone that treats you like crap? I don’t think so. 

So, focus on you, feel your heartbreak. Be sad, mourn the loss of the first relationship. You will heal, it is inevitable and that you will also inevitably find someone that deserves you and your time as you will also deserve theirs. (If you treat them right obviously) 

But the first break up ever, sucks the most because it’s the first time you’re feeling it.
Remember that! But you will heal. 

My advise, don’t get back together 

*Edited for spelling",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
341,"My boyfriend has always been a little chunky but reasonably fit, exercising 2-4 times a week depending on his schedule. We're not taking six pack fit, but just a mild 'dad bod'. It's never been a problem for me.

Recently, he's started turning his fitness journey up to eleven. He goes 48-72 hours without food and still trains Thai kickboxing during these prolong fasts. He started doing these things a couple of weeks ago and the weight is just shedding off. I'm so proud and happy for him, but as someone who has struggled with an eating disorder in the past, I'm worried that he may be developing one.

It seems like whenever we meet to eat, he's finally breaking a 40+ hour fast. And even when he does eat, he eats keto. Normally he'd grab something like a burger at our usual spot, but he's now opting for salad bowls with grilled chicken, eggs and no dressing. He says that he's avoiding carbs because it means he can get back to ketosis faster in his next fast, butt that sounded like someone with an ED rationalizing.

He says that what triggered this journey was him meeting an old friend from high school who told him he looked exactly the same as when he was in high school, when he was quite a bit heavier.

When I was younger, I struggled with orthorexia, so I'm worried about him. I know these kinds of comments can be the exact kind of fuel that develop into eating disorders.

When I brought up my concerns, he just laughed me off and explained that he was just trying to be healthier. He showed me fasting salts and multivitamins that he was using to convince me that the fasts weren't dangerous, but that really just made it feel worse to me. Like if you need pills to make sure you don't damage your body, surely what you're doing can't be healthy?

Despite my concerns, he's been going for some electric inbody scans at a health lab that have showed the fat literally just melting off. He's dropped like 3 kilos (6.6 pounds?) over 2 weeks and says that he'll stop once he loses another 2-3 kilos. But again, that sounds like what I'd tell myself when I was struggling with my ED.

So reddit, tell me if I should be concerned. Should I ask him to talk to a doctor? How can I help him out here?",He doesn’t eat for 2-3 days??? Yes. That sounds like an ED to me.,"As a former wrestler and competitive martial artist during most of my school years. I saw this a lot and was warned by the coaches and the trainers not to do this.

Yeah, this is not good. He needs to eat more consistently and healthy and not starve his body…especially during training. Such crash dieting can lead to heart problems later in life and the body will scavenge the muscles for protein and fats to burn. This includes the heart.

He needs to go see his doctor, get a referral to a registered dietitian and perhaps a trainer that specializes in martial artists.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
342,"I broke up with my boyfriend last Monday.

Long story short, he really betrayed my trust and disrespected me.

Now it's been a week, he's saying that if we are a strong couple (like he thought we were) we should be able to move past this.
I feel as though I've been pretty strong for the past three years, moving past his occasional hurtful behaviors and boundary crossing. Of course it is not all bad, but there have been 4 major instances of disrespect or just flat out meanness.

Anyway. I am feeling really down and today I reached out asking if he could come over. He said yes but then I changed my mind, told him I had plans with friends. He was okay with that, but when I came home I told him it wouldn't be a good idea for us to hang out.

This is all so incredibly brief and missing a lot of details. So I guess my question is-- how do I stay strong, honor myself and my boundaries, and not cave in just to make him happy and take the oath of least resistance? I'm trying to do right by me, after taking one too many on the chin. ","Don't call him and ask him to come to you. No matter how bad you feel, do not call him under any circumstances.",You can’t stay with him and also honor yourself.  Pick one.,Practical Advice,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
343,"I'm 21 year old male long story short went round friends uni party met this girl around 2am she seemed interested in me started playing with my hair, tiggling me. 5am we left she went back to her flat I went downstairs to sleep, I then messaged her saying there's not space here to sleep can I stay round yours she said yes I went round there and we started cuddling, playing with my hair, tiggling 

I got more info from a friend the next day that she was mad that I didn't make any moves and that I was the first man she ever chased sorta thing. I knew I should've atleast kissed her that night I feel stupid but I'm not the most confident person so I didn't unfortunately. I did actually like her as shes the first girl that's ever showed me that much attention. 

I messaged her a couple of days after the party saying it was nice meeting you do you want to hang out some time and she hasn't responded for 5 days. It's literally the only thing on my mind and it's making me regret not doing anything that night. What I want to know is can I do anything or should I just leave it at that? ","If she hasn't responded in five days then she's not that interested in you. Maybe she was surprised that you didn't make any moves on her and maybe she thinks that you're boring? But you did what you felt was right at the time and if she was truly interested and liked you, believe you me she would let you know or at least get back with you. I would leave her alone and move on.","So all these words typed to random strangers. You could have already texted her again, and let her know you like her, you were too nervous to make a move, there was also alcohol involved, and you want to see her as your better self",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
345,"Navigating a long-distance relationship for eight months, the relationship was lovely and straightforward. Both parties were happy and seriously committed. However, things soon turned darker as my trust issues were triggered by her outgoing vibes. She has an Instagram account with around 800 followers; she's popular, which means she gets a lot of attention and possibly admiration. I don't like to control her or anything; she used to reassure me every time I asked and even helped me with my overthinking whenever I asked something.

However, I always felt bothered by her interactions with guys, even though she assured me she didn't interact with any guys. Despite her reassurances, my trust issues and overthinking caused havoc and chaos. Every time I pressured her about something that bothered me, or about her past relationships, she would yell at me. She would say I was doubting her or not trusting her, and I don't blame her reactions since she had traumatic life experiences as much as I did.

Now, I feel like I lack self-respect for seeking her out while she's trying to go cold turkey and drop everything. I really, really love her and appreciate her company, and I cannot truly dare to move on without trying to show her I am not this kind of person. The trust issues and unhealthy behaviors were based on a previous traumatic experience where someone was lying to me the whole time. I'd be a fool to say I wasn't projecting my doubts and constant interrogations onto my girlfriend. I am genuinely regretful for becoming like this mid-relationship. All she sees now is an immature, selfish person who constantly doubts every move she makes.

I cannot give up on her just yet. I really want to put in the effort to show her I am different than all of this, but she insists on giving up and cutting me off. She is now trying to have no contact or even ghosting me for good.

Please, I need insights as I am desperately seeking to change for her and be as I used to be.","If she wants you out of her life, leave. Now. 

It's not up to you to impose your will upon her or force her to be your girlfriend. 

Repeated false accusations of cheating are a form of verbal abuse. Constantly trying to control her behavior and who she's allowed to speak to is a form of abuse. 

It doesn't matter who cheated on you or hurt you. Your behavior and treatment of her are unacceptable. 

Get therapy and leave her alone.","Insight: If you refuse to accept that she has broken up with you that means that you are not just selfish, you are a monster. Your behavior is completely unacceptable.",Practical Advice,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
346,"in my desire to get him to initiate sex, i’ve given him plenty of opportunities but he either doesn’t take them or he just waits for me to do it.

last night we were in bed, and he legit just laid his head on my breast, cuddling me and that was it. when i asked him later if he had been trying he said yes, badly.

we have been married for four years, and i really love the guy, but i never ever feel sexy or wanted or like sex is something he wants rather than something im making him do.

we have had this conversation a few times before, he knows what i like and he def knows what doesn’t work (had a bout of a few months of just rolling over and grabbing my breasts), and it got better for a bit (he was a bit more involved) but god, its really making me feel like shit and now i get the ick so bad i can’t take it.

its making me feel really ugly, and now late at night i get this lump in my throat and horrible cringe feeling. and i know we’re gonna have to talk about it *again*, but how do i stop feeling so gross about it and why does it keep happening?","It sounds like he just doesn't feel comfortable being overt and forceful and he never was if this has come about due to frustration over you always initiating. Not all men enjoy being the aggressor type and it feels like you're trying to force him into a role he doesn't feel comfortable with.

You say you've told him what you want and he's not doing it. When you told him what you wanted did you discuss his comfort with what you were asking for? Like really, into the weeds discussions about exactly how he feels doing every move you want? I know it's not a sexy discussion but it's also not fair for you to put these expectations on him if he actually hates doing it. Has he explained to you why he doesn't initiate? When he tries to initiate doing what feels comfortable for him, it sounds like you reject him. I totally understand why you're frustrated and not feeling desired but he's probably feeling the exact same way. Like, when he tries it still isn't good enough so what's the point. 

If you went along being the initiator for most of your relationship, what changed recently that made you feel like you didn't want to, or couldn't, do it anymore? Finding out what that is and the emotions underpinning it is where you need to start breaking this down from.","My last boyfriend made me feel the same. The way he approached me for sex was different than anyone I’d been with before. Normally I can tell when a man wants to have sex, but not him. I talked to him, and I think he tried to change. But it still was unlike anything I’ve experienced. Broke up tonight",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
350,"My boyfriend and I have been in a very committed relationship for 6 months. He is now backpacking Europe for two months. He invited me to join him for few weeks but I wasn’t able to travel for visa reasons. And tomorrow is our 6th month anniversary and he told me he is going sightseeing with a girl he met at one of the hostels. So apparently, there were about 10 people from that hostel that started hanging out together and that girl has a plan to go to the same city as my boyfriend tomorrow. So they decided to do sightseeing together. And I feel comfortable about the fact that he’s travelling alone with her especially on our anniversary day. Am I wrong that I get mad and jealous? My boyfriend told me he told that girl about me.","this is kind of how traveling solo works. you link up with random people and go on adventures. ive met tons of people of both sexes that were just friends and made traveling alone easier when you know someone. i wouldnt worry too much about it

i dont know if people actually celebrate 6 month anniversaries or not (i dont), but it def feels like you may be putting more weight on this than he is?","I understand your concerns. But either you trust him or you suffer from your jalousy. The latter doesn't help at all in this situation.  Worse, it might turn your boyfriend off. He just wants to have a good trip and if this girl goes with him to this place, why not. You don't fall in love with every person you meet.

Try to feel compassion for him. His joy is your joy.

And if he betrays you, well, then he was the wrong one.

But don't let jalousy grow. It is very easy to do so. But it's one of the worst and most devastating feelings.

Edit:
The theory of attachment with its different attachment styles might help you to see the situation from a wider angle.",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
351,"My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years. We started dating in grade 10 and we are currently 2 years out of high school. We have lived together for the last 2 years of our relationship (he moved in with me). 

Every time I ask him to do something he either forgets or doesn’t do it properly. For example, today I went to work and he had the day off so I asked him to put a load of washing on (work clothes). I made sure to state that I needed work clothes for tomorrow. I come home and he onto put his work clothes onto wash leaving mine in the basket. When I asked him why mine weren’t put on he get extremely defensive and basically saying it’s ’not his fault’. He then ignores me to play his games etc. 

This isn’t the only time it’s like this though. He always forgets to do simple (everyday) chores that need to be done around the household and I am getting really exhausted from having to remind him everyday to do these simple tasks. He has been assigned one ‘main’ chore of taking the rubbish out at night but he even forgets that. Its really affected my feelings towards him because I feel like i’m ‘mothering’ him all the time.

I have spoken to him about these feelings on multiple occasions but he just says ‘sorry’ and he will do it next time…. but never does. 

I don’t know what to do anymore but I’m so tired of reminding him of his basic chores everyday and I’m also tired of being treated like i’m the ‘bad’ guy for constantly getting mad about it! ","You leave. As long as you stay with him, he will not do better. Why would he? He has someone at home to do all of it for him or remind him to do it. He doesn't have to grow up.",Why are you still with him?,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
354,"Im very very happy with my life and love being single. I do date occasionally but I would like to have a prolonged period of time where I don’t even entertain the possibility of a relationship. 

But the loneliness usually takes over and I feel the need to at least text or talk to a guy, and feel like I’m making progress in this area of my life. Almost all my friends are like this too

How do I get over this? What’s the secret? ","Some people are naturally better at being alone. But you're not really even talking about that.  Do you not have any friends, or family to connect with? Why do you need a man to talk too? Are you looking for quick validation? Focus on friendships. 

Personally I like being alone. Or I at least need alot of it. The secret? Well I like myself, I know I have value, I know I am loved,  I know I'm beautiful, I enjoy my own company, I enjoy doing hobbies and activities alone and I don't need outside validation.","For me, their company has to be better than my solitude. Plus, I’ve done a lot of work to become emotionally healthy and I don’t feel the need to find someone that can jeopardize that",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
360,"i don’t have anyone else to go to, please be kind as i’m hurting a lot. 

FYI he’s a very straightforward, blunt, and honest man. please don’t tell me he’s playing me, cheating, or there’s another girl. it’s not like that all, and i’m very sure he’s in love with me and cares about me. it’s just that he’s had very very bad experiences in the past, and in the beginning of our relationship it was quite rocky but we got through it. 

long story short, i snapped at him for the first time, got angry. i understood i shouldn’t have, but he overreacted.

he ignored me for 6 hours that day, then proceeded to tell me we’ll talk tomorrow about it. i got really upset, and tried to communicate with him. but he shut me out, and went to sleep. 

the next morning, he broke up with me over text, which is not like him AT ALL. i then tried to communicate with him, but he kept shutting me out until eventually he blocked me for 10 minutes, then unblocked me and said “let’s call tonight, but we’re not getting back together, just for what it’s worth. i’m sorry i didn’t communicate with you properly”

i agreed to the call. but we ended up never calling. i sent him a long text, being as mature and honest as possible.

the next day he apologized for his immature behavior, and agreed to my suggestion of going on a 3 week break rather than breaking up to clear our minds, however he told me that he thinks he’s not ready for a relationship and will use this time to think about it seriously. 

it’s been a few days. and i’m thinking of texting him because i think a 3 week break over this matter isn’t the right choice. i really wanna worn things out with him and i wanna fix everything.  he’s backed out before but he came back.

now i’m wondering, what should i do? continue this 3 week break? text him in a week? i don’t understand i’m confused and hurt and i don’t want to give up on him. 

TLDR; Bf got trauma triggered after me getting angry at him for the first time, now he’s suddenly backed out of the relationship. ","Probably wants to hook up with someone else and is using this excuse as the opportunity. That way if you find out, you both were on a break. It really doesn’t ever make sense to take a break from each other while still remaining faithful. It would make more sense for him to just ask for some space without actually taking a break from the relationship.","Can you tell us anything about what exactly happened in the moment that triggered him?

I’d also move on. Something doesn’t add up.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
362,So we have been dating a little over 6 months and because of our jobs we don’t see each other very often. She has mainly guy friends and we have been getting in arguments over her wanting to go and stay in Airbnbs with 3 other guys over the weekend. I am uncomfortable with this even though I fully trust her but one of the dudes previously liked her and another borderline sexually harassed her before (so mush so that her work place is aware of it) and she agrees not to go but will wake the weekend after the next and it’s been like this a couple weeks now and idk what to do. I feel like I’m cutting her off from friends but at the same time it makes me uncomfortable. This is just one of the issues that we’ve been having and I just wanted opinions on it,"A girl wanting to go stay in an Airbnb with 3 other men (you do not mention other girls) in which everyone knows that one of the men liked her and the other ""borderline"" sexually harassed her to the point that her employer is aware . . . makes literally no sense at all.  There is nothing about this scenario that makes sense, sounds good, and if this is just one of the issues you are having, I am not even sure why you are dating.

There is nothing wrong with having male friends, but to hang out with a guy that harassed her and another one she knows liked her is beyond bizarre.",I don't think you're being controlling,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
363,"So I (21F) have been in a relationship for a couple of months but it was not it for me, I felt nothing, just hurt by his (21M) actions (or lack of them) and I communicated it to him and he said he won't change so I broke up with him. Now I'm trying to date, but the thing is that I literally feel nothing. I want to feel, but it's not there. Guys tell me I'm so nice and funny and then make jokes that make me feel inferior and it's all gone, I try to tell them that it is an issue for me and they tell me something like (it's just a joke) but it's not. Those things get to me, I've been told my whole life that I'm not enough or will never amount to anything. I am in therapy, doing my best and it's still not enough to be talked to like I'm an equal and not someone stupid. Like, am I smiling too much? Do I look like I'm stupid or act like it? It's just exhausting, I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to just wait? Am I the problem?  ","I used to feel the same way. Like I just kept meeting girls who I thought were attractive, but they didn’t meet any normal standards. And I thought it was just me that was the problem. But then I met my current girlfriend, and I’m telling you that you can be in a good relationship, you just never have to stop searching for it. ",Alpha widowed & can’t pair bond. Most common problem these days. That’s what happens when women confuse sexual attention with desire to commit.,Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
364,"So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months and I'm not sure how to tell her I get frustrated at some of the questions she asks me because my emotions are not complex enough to handle them. For example: Sometimes she will ask me how I am feeling or what I am thinking about. I didn't have a problem answering in the past but over the course of our relationship I've learned that certain answers will trigger follow up questions that I was not prepared to answer or have no desire to answer - especially if there was a specific thing recently affecting me.
She will ask ""How are you feeling?"" and if I answer ""I'm feeling pretty good."" Her follow-up response/question would be ""Even though your stomach was hurting earlier?"". A question like that will take me away from the current, positive feeling I have and bring me back to how I was feeling when my stomach was upset. After that, I feel my emotions are too simple to take me back to where I was after being reminded of a negative experience and I am left with a feeling of frustration towards my girlfriend for that being a follow up question.

I'm not sure how to address with her without making her feel she shouldn't ask me questions or get to know me. Any advice on how to bring it up to her or ways I cannot be so affected by her questions? She isn't sensitive in general but she is more sensitive to the things I say and how I say them.",What,"Does she think you were worried or upset earlier because you had a stomach ache? Some peoples emotions show up physically.

Do you want to get more in touch with your emotions? Ask her if her stomach hurts when she is upset. Or idk, have this conversation you posted with her.",Not Relevant,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
372,"Idk if it’s just me but I’m 20 and every now and then I get a match in the app but literally 9/10 times there’s no response or anything like they just swipe the profile or sum but past that, do women see men with tinder or other dating apps as a red flag for using/having?",Seems pretty normal to have a low success rate on dating apps as a guy.  Very few people unless they are breathtakingly attractive get anything out of it so it’s nothing to be alarmed at.  I think even off apps it can be challenging although there is more opportunities to bond with people.  But I’ve struggled yeah.,"Most women men are looking for on there are bots or scams. 
 People who no longer use the app would probably say it's a red flag. 
Men have said they swipe right on all since the odds of actually meeting someone is low.
Women have more vetting to do. 

A lot still use the app but some (including me) don't and think it's not going to help or get you what you are actually looking for.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
374,"Had a guy slide into my dm yesterday. He's been filling me for a while and loves what I post and says he wants to be friends. After an hour of dm I fall asleep and he tells me to text him in the morning and sends his number. 

Super nice, sweet and attentive asks me lots of questions and such. And I haven't seen a red flag yet. 

I'm unsure if he actually wants to be friends and keep texting or if he's actually into me? This has just never happened before. 

Like one time via dm- a guy was like I manifest you everyday and I blocked him. haha like do not manifest me into your life!

Anyways idk should I be weary?",Just see how it goes. Keep talking to him and eventually you'll get a better sense of what's going on.,Get his number and call a few times. Beats the hell out of phone tag with texts,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
379,"I've been dating this girl for 3 months now. She's always been my all time crush/type. We have different lifestyles; she enjoys parting and drinking which I don't. She’s passionate about everything. Last week, her period came 11 days early, which is unusual for her. I suspect she might have taken Plan B (the morning-after pill) because her cycle has always been regular. This made me worried since we didn't mess but all she did was take a pregnancy test. It's shaken my trust. I'm tempted to check her phone something I know I’ll find the truth. when we are together she doesn't pick up  some calls something that I'm suspicious about. You’ll suggest I have a deep conversation with her but it will lead to her gaslighting me. However, I'm ready to face the reality (requesting her phone), whatever it may be.","Wow, you are a man baby. Even the most regular of periods can have the odd week off. Which doesn’t matter because why the fuck are you tracking her cycle (???) to see if she’s cheating on you (??????). This is a whole other level of insecurity.

Also, have you heard of scam calls? I personally get them like 3 times a day and it would be tough if my boyfriend suspected that every one of those is some guy I’m talking to.

I’m not saying that she’s not cheating on you, the truth is there is just no evidence that she is. To assume otherwise is just silly. I don’t think you are ready to be in a relationship. These are pretty clear signs of trust issues.",Please leave her the hell alone. You are almost 30 years old and acting far younger than she is,Hurtful,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
381,"Went on a really random tinder date while out of town. Completely last minute, but actually had a great time! Went to her house, did a puzzle together, talked about some deep topics, actually had a lot in common. Super cute and sweet girl. Ended with cuddling and making out while watching a movie together. Didn't sleep with her, but we were deff into eachother (attleast in the moment). Texted her the next day saying I had a great time, she responded saying same, nice meeting you, with a smiley.  Texted her the next day, no answer, so I decided to just give her some space. I didn't have her # but I did still have her address. Felt ambitious so I just said fuck it and ordered her another puzzle delivered to her house,  with a hint of who it was from without giving my name, kind of an Inside joke lol. Is that creepy? It got to her house yestueday and still haven't heard from her. Only reason I even bothered is because  this was the first date I've been on in a while that I actually felt that I liked the person afterward. One thought is that maybe she was turned off that I'm not in the same city as her? No idea. I'm sure the move I made was unorthodox, but is it creepy? Thoughts? 

If it matters, we're both around 30 y/o, single never married, no kids, live alone","36 F and I think it’s super thoughtful! That would only be creepy if you didn’t have a date, btw.","Being a nice person is never creepy, sir",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
385,"my bf and I are long distance for the time being as we go to the same area around college, but we are currently 13 hours apart timezone-wise. i really enjoy spending time together as we share the same academic interests and hobbies, we called everyday for 1-3 hours (barring things like seeing family or doing other activities/obligations of course) but now he feels the calling has been too much for his social battery. i feel a bit conflicted because i found it perfect as he makes my evenings brighter even with so much on my plate. i want to call everyday, and i enjoy it into my daily routine. i have a tendency to need things to be the same everyday, and if things dont play out as scheduled, i get so stressed. i understand this is an unhealthy habit of mine, so i try not to let that affect a relationship, but i want to be with someone that calls me everyday instead of texting me because texts (for me) aren’t a reliable source of emotional support or connection. in almost everything else, we are so compatible. but im having trouble finding the warmth or connection to him if we were to do this routine. 

","You need to understand boundaries and how to self soothe. Your whole post is about you. You want, you feel, you enjoy, you prefer. 


What. About. Him? 


I have a friend I'm really close to. I LOVE spending time with him, he's one of my favorite people. We get along like a house on fire, laugh our asses off, we can tell each other anything with no filter, we balance perfectly in that there's like 50% overlap where we may as well be the same person, but we're 25% on either side on opposite viewpoints on other things so we can challenge each other while also understanding one another. I adore every single second I spend with him. If platonic soul mates are a thing, it's this. (We're different orientations so no, nobody's into each other like that, which I think is why it's so comfortable)


I really don't think I could ever get tired of talking to him and especially right now, when I'm dealing with a major life upheaval, sometimes it's all I want to do. I understand someone making your day brighter. And that's a GOOD thing. I'm sure it makes him happy when I tell him he cheers me up and is a safe space. I'd like hearing that. 


But it's also my responsibility to do that for myself and manage my own feelings. He gets to spend time with his husband, with other friends, or alone. He gets to focus on work when he needs to. He gets to have his own struggles and rough days when he's not feeling social. It's not up to him to make sure my mood stays up. It's not up to him to fix it when I'm feeling low or anxious about what's going on. He can't anyway. He can listen and reassure me but that's literally ALL he can do. 


And if we talked all the time, what would we even have to talk ABOUT? We meet up about once a week or so (+/- as life permits) for some drinks and that we don't talk all the time is WHY it's so fun. We can catch up on the week's events and gossip and share all those ""OMG I was going to tell you about this next time I saw you!"" things. 


Your BF is trying to set a boundary and communicate HIS needs. He's not saying he hates you and never wants to speak again. He's saying he needs a better balance, and quality over quantity and that he can't be your everything. He's being reasonable. 3 hrs on the phone A DAY? Assuming he works full time that's his whole evening. 


Back off. You're smothering him. ","That’s too much for a majority of men imo. Cut it down to a 2-3 times a week and see how it goes. You can convince him to keep doing it but his feelings won’t change and could become something that pushes him away. 

If breaking the routine impacts you that much it’s on you to solve it, not your BF becoming a crunch.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
387,"Im not okay. 
Fr i have been trying to focus on myself and control my thoughts but i cant not think of death. ",Please call 988 suicide and crisis lifeline,"Have you tried some medicinal Marijuana, jokes aside no matter how much off a good reason people give you, you just won't be able to see it if you keep your self surrounded by walls of shit, you've gonna need to get your hands dirty to break the walls and listen to reason. Or maybe just try some mushrooms.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
389,"
My girlfriend and I were in a 6 years relationship, almost 7, for educational reasons some of these were ldr and we discussed this before me moving abroad.

Well last year I decided to move back to my home country to move in together with her. A few days after arriving I was looking through her phone's gallery, obligatory not spying, I was in bed she was playing something, and noticed a sexual Instagram reel recorded, at first I didn't think much about it but then I was like ""haven't seen this one"" and I confronted her about, she started making excuses, but after some talking she said she was talking with another dude on discord for a few months now, everytime she told me she was going to sleep she would just call him or whatever, not long after starting speaking with said dude they started sexting (pics included), due to the nature of the job I was applying to I couldn't focus on this issue and things continued as normal until a few months later I started resenting here, borderline hating, and I decided to break up with her, well after some talking and each one of us moving back with our parents we decided to try a psychologist alone and couple therapy where we decided to try to work on things but not meaning we will remain together 100%.


Fast forward to this week we broke up, I did, because for a few months now neither of us was happy, we were fighting a lot and things were just not working, I wasn't seeing a future with her.

My question is, did I make the right choice or not? Reasons.

Before asking, yes I was 100% faithful, didn't have much free time (working, studying and going to the gym), but all my free time was spent with her.

You can ask more questions won't add more in the post.

TL:DR girlfriend started sexting with some dude, we tried to work on our relationship for a year, but it was going nowhere so I decided to break up.

Thanks.",Yep. Right choice. You don’t want to be with anyone long term who folds so easily when adversity or inconvenience shows up. You need someone who can endure because everything is not going to always be rainbows and sunshine.,"It sounds like you made a good decision, yeah. 

Much love bro",Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 1,part 3
391,"Hi, I’m a 27 year old male. I recently went on a date with a girl (25). Long story short we went on a date and we got along pretty well, at least in my opinion. We had a lot in common and had a lot of the same views. By the end of the date she says, “I’d really like to see you again” I reply with “I’d really like to see you again too”. By the time I get home, I let her know I get home and she said she hasn’t also gotten home. I thank her for going on a date with me and for letting me to get to know her. I texted her day later saying “hope she is having a great day and hope she slept well”. It’s been 2 days and has responded since. However she’s posted on Instagram. Am I getting ghosted? 

Also, before we left each other she gave me a little plushie and said, “hey hold onto this until we see each other again.” ","Option A: Wait 3 more days and then ask her on a second date with plans already in mind. Don't mention Instagram or the delay in her response. Dinner, where, and when. The tone of your text will be fun, excited for whatever place you want to go with her, and happy when she accepts your date invitation.

Option B: Take a picture of the plushie riding your ceiling fan, send it to her, and tell her the plushie is out of control. If you're feeling spicy, followup quickly with a picture of the plushie surrounded by junk food wrappers and soda collapsed on a table. Express a need to return the plushie for its own good, and make dinner plans if she's laughing and intrigued.

I'd go for Option B personally, but either one is fine.","Woman here, you are not necesseraly being ghosted. Not replying after ONLY 2 days is in my opinion normal. Nowadays there is so much pressure from everyone to reply fast. You have to imagine, the work e-mails/phone call her familly friends, posting on Instagram... of course you come only after all that! She just met you, posting on Instagram does not mean she does not like you, it just means you are not her top priority yet, at the end of day, with limited time to do things. After 2 days,  I would say that's pretty healthy from her. She also gave you clear signs of wanting to see tou again. Now she might be lying or change her mind later but you have no ways to either know that or in influence it.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
397,"I have very low self esteem due to my upbringing. I have tried therapy multiple times but can’t seem to overcome it.  

This has taken a massive toll on my dating life, as I believe that I would be doing someone a disservice by having them date someone like me, when many other (and “better”) options are available to them. As a result, I haven’t dated anyone, and I am 25. I reject people because I feel like I am saving them from a bullet, yet I feel a deep sense on loneliness at my inability to allow myself to experience love.

I understand this is irrational and that relationships aren’t locked contracts that one can’t leave, but has anyone else experienced this type of fear? ","Low self esteem, what exactly do YOU feel contributes to your low self esteem? Your appearance? Abilities? 🧐",Yes. But I also suffer from imposter syndrome at work etc. I think the two are connected somehow.,Not Relevant,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
399,"Hi all, I'm the type of person who likes to help as much as I can with suggestions and ideas on how to make their situation easier and my bf of 9 months has an online course he's taking but he's behind because of his time management. I've noticed every time I try to help and make it easier for him to find time he will shoot down my help by saying ""I can't because reason 1"" or ""that won't work because reason 2"".  
  
I am asking what I can do because I'm starting to feel useless and dumb now. I can't recall a time where I actually was able to help him because it was shot down. I like to help in relationships because my love language to show is acts of service and making things go smoothly for my partners so they're not stressed. What can I do better or differently? I feel kinda crappy and like a bad gf.  
  
Thank you guys and gals  
  
  
**\*\[tl;dr\]\*** When I try to help my bf my suggestions are usually countered and now I feel useless and want to find a different way to be helpful",I'm not sure there's anything u can do. It's his class it doesn't sound like he needs any help.,"Your desire to help is genuine and heart-felt, but it's fair to say that your boyfriend has a large amount of pride and ego around his time-management woes.

It also seems that he does not appreciate the help you are trying to offer. This may be because he does not have faith in your ability to help, or your helping will expose some deficiency on his part (""he's dumb"" is the leading contender, with ""you are smarter than he is"" running a close second, and ""he screwed around until it was too late"" rounding out the Top Three).

His motto looks to be: 

*""Death before dishonor.""*

Ask him: would he rather *fail* without your help, than succeed *with* it?

His answer will tell how invested he is in salving his ego versus passing the class.

And to address your initial concern: **you are NOT dumb and useless.** In fact, you are *generous* and *caring*... just that HE cannot, or will not see that, and is determined to succeed or fail on his own merits, whatever the cost.",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
400,"This is a rant post. 


So basically I (24F) talked to this cute guy (29M) everyday,everytime for 3 weeks and we had 2 dates that went really good, we kissed,hugged...

 Then he suddenly became distant during 2 days. He didnt reply at my text for 24 hours despite being online during the day so I texted him ""is everything okay?"" and he told me that he wants us to stop there because hes actually not ready for a relationship.

Now I have trust issues lol. I didnt see that coming.. he told me days before that he was excited to see me again etc.

Moreover I expected him because of his age to be more sure of what he wants and stuff. But well..","We are in a time of immaturity. Age mean nothing anymore since you have 50yo men wasting their time in online gaming. He just left because you didn't had sex yet and that's all he was interested in (since you didn't mentioned sex). Or he was just dating multiple women and choosed another one. You dodged a bullet actually as he would have probably cheated on you anyway. 

Don't bother about him and keep trying, it's hard for EVERYBODY, and it's supposed to be.",He might have avoidant attachment. I do have to say it’s better this happen now than months later when you are more attached,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
82,"I’m a 33F Asian ‘happily’ married to a 33M Asian. We have been dating for about 7 years prior to marriage.

My husband has been really amazing. He really loves me (kisses me, hugs me, tells me he loves me very frequently, irons my clothes, does laundry, cleans the house). He is also good looking. I mean he is literally everything you can ask for in a man except for when it comes to sex! 

I am a very open minded person, I assumed we never had sex before marriage as he respected our culture. Unfortunately it has been a sexless marriage for the past 5 years. 

Initially I’ve been extremely frustrated but shy to bring this issue up. The one time I confronted him, it became an argument and quickly made me feel like I’m not cultured enough for bringing this topic up. He even said at multiple occasions that marriage is not about sex. He gave multiple reasons for refusal- claiming he feels extremely ticklish & he does not know what to do (PS he works under healthcare). The most we have done is kiss. Whenever I touch him further he pushes me away saying he is ticklish. And if I go further he says I’m purposely doing it knowing that he can’t take it. We have never even seen each other naked. And honestly whatever love that I had for him has been wearing off. I can’t even recall when I last initiated kissing him because I know that it’s not going to become anything more intimate. 

Most of the time I’m just wondering if he is gay. I’ve confronted him once about it and it pissed him off. And there was once he said it’s because we are not ready to have kids. I mean how dumb can a person be to know that having sex is not equal to wanting to have kids now. Also being an Asian, his mother has been bugging me on when I’m going to give her grandkids. 

I’ve been focusing on my career and let this past trying to not let it haunt me. However it is getting more and more frustrating as I am a very sensual person. I do not know how to bring it up anymore as everytime I talk about it, the isn’t any conclusion. I mean it’s been so many years, anyone else would have left the relationship. I don’t even know why I’m staying- like I said except for absence of sex; he is really a gem. 

What should I do? I pretty much know communication is the key solution; but it is so hard to communicate about this. ","He's either gay, asexual, not attracted to you, or has some serious trauma he has not addressed.

At this point you just need to sit down with him and say explicitly, ""I am not happy in a sexless relationship. We need to talk about why you don't want to have sex with me and if that is ever going to change."" I know it's hard but it's literally the only way you're going to get a clear answer. Don't let him deflect or refuse to discuss it.

If he absolutely WILL NOT talk about it or he claims he'll try but nothing changes, that is his answer. No shame in ending a marriage with no intimacy.","Tell him if things don't change, you gotta go. You can either choose to continue to be shy about this (which is not working), or start having the hard conversation.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
85,"So, I’ve(M18) recently come to terms with the fact that despite my best attempts, i’m definitely a nerd, and i enjoy being a nerd. 

With that realization has come the epiphany that i really like nerdy girls, too. My question is this: Where do I find nerdy girls?? There’s no dating app (no stealing my idea 😡), and the only place that we nerds gather is in virtual spaces (most of the time, anyways). 

If nobody else has any ideas, I’m just going to start wearing a Gojo costume into anime conventions (i’ve never watched jjk).","I am sorry, I don't have enough experience to help you out here, I used to be very social, but this anti-social culture has taken its toll. 

  
I just want to tell you, great job on being yourself, never change. I hope everything works out for you! that last idea you have doesn't seem that bad tbh, women love Gojo lmao.","Nerdy girls are easy to find actually, the problem is having them like you",Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
88,"I'm 25 old guy staying in Hyderabad. I have been using bumble and tinder since 1 year. Still no use. Give your suggestions?? If anyone interested for hookups, Please DM ","Being physically attractive, having low standards, and having a good tinder profile that shows you’re physically attractive are the bare minimum to get matches with an emphasis on hookups",I don’t advocate for the hookup lifestyle. But you need to do an *honest* self assessment and see where you need to improve your profile.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
89,"I have a friend who said hes coming to visit my area and asked to meet up twice as i said the first time i would think about it, i said yes and he  asked me if i would like to watch all the Harry Potter movies together then asked if ild like to watch all of them with him.
I dont think he sees me as more then a friend so thats not it as he mentioned liking someone else.","honestly just sounds like he wants to netflix and chill with you 

in the majority of cases when you think a guy see's you just as a friend he's just being scummy and acting that way so he can find an in with you 

not so weird asking if you want to watch 1 movie you both enjoy together.. 8 is a bit much that's like a 20 hour commitment 

but hey maybe he just really loves harry potter idk the guy",I think it’s a great way to become more than friends. But let things happen naturally.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
90,"Okay, so my boyfriend and I come from really different backgrounds. I’m a European Muslim ‘23F’ he’s a Caribbean Catholic ‘23M’. We’re both from New York City. We have been together for 3 years. 

The women he’s dated before me have all been petite, Hispanic women with tattoos and long black hair. 

I ‘23F’ am a tall, pale white woman with short brown hair. 

His instagram following has always been women that are “his type” even though he’s always denied having a type. 

One time I asked him what made his ex girlfriend more attractive than me and he said “I mean you’re both pretty but she’s short and Colombian” and that made me feel really insecure. He has also said similar things to this in the past. For example: he once said he watches mainly Latina porn (then took it back and said he was just joking) 

It was months ago and it makes me wanna cry every time I think about it. I can’t mention it to him anymore because I’ve already brought it up so many times and he always says “I didn’t mean it like that” 

I do know he loves me but I think he fell in love with my personality. I don’t think I’m his “dream girl” if that makes sense. It kinda makes me hate everything about myself. I’ve started growing out my hair to be long, dying it jet black, got lip fillers, started going to the gym more, dress different than I normally do, got small tattoos and piercings. He does try to reassure me that he loves me for who I am. But it just doesn’t feel that way. 

If I walked into a room with all his former girlfriends, I know he wouldn’t pick me. 

He 23M keeps denying having a type but it drives me crazy because I know he does and I know I am not his type. I feel more insecure than ever. I’ve even started changing my appearance.  How to resolve this ? ","I was taught a valuable lesson at 40 yrs old... I was single after 20 yrs of being married. I learned to navigate the dating apps, in my opinion, that they are not a good way to meet people.. However, if it wasn't for POF, I wouldn't be married.

I've known my husband for over 35 yrs. We both had long marriages, then divorced... I actually made his wedding cake when he got married. We kept in touch until our 30s. 

I came across his profile on POF... I thought cool! We can be each other's wingman or he has single friends. I invited him to hang out. He was sooo not my type. Sleeve tattoos, ears pierced, shaved head, hard working blue collar worker. He had a mohawk in one photo, and his user name had 420... I thought he was some stoner guy... even though I smoke cannabis, I was a hypocrite. It turns out he is exactly my type. We love the same things and have the same hobbies. He makes excellent money, and his bday is 420... he doesn't smoke and smells so good to me, I want to bite him. There is no such thing as a ""type""... you're judging others stereotypically and not as individuals. 

You need to focus on your self-respect, not comparing yourself to women you know nothing about. How many girls have you met that are beautiful... but really awful on the inside? How many girls do you know that aren't conventionally beautiful but are so beautiful on the inside that you look past any flaws. You have to love yourself before you can truly be loved by someone else. Know your value and that you have a hell of a lot more to offer than a few tattoos and dyed hair.","He does like you. He's attracted to you. He chooses you. The problem here is you, and it's not your looks. You resolve it by working on loving yourself and seeing yourselves as a unique individual who is worthy of love. Thinking about people as types is lazy, shallow bullshit. We might have traits we are attracted to - but you fall in love with a whole person.",Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 2,evaluation
91,"Just so we are clear it's not her V that smells bad. It's a actually odorless and I love to go down.


But for some reason while we are having sex her bedsheet smell kind of like my armpit after a long day. I have also noticed her clothes smell like this as well. She is from a third world country so I'm not sure if maybe it's what they use to wash their clothes, or maybe it's all the Nair she applies to her whole body... which I know for a fact can make sweat smell like sulfur.

Is there a polite way of pointing this out because I think she is unaware.

I really do love her though. 

And just for context I'm from a third world as well. It's just that she is fresh off the boat if you know what I mean.",Sounds like Nair is the culprit.,Any chance it's a musty smell like the sheets were left in the washer too long? ,Not Relevant,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
92,"so I met this girl at a convenient store, we kinda liked each other first glance and I decided to give it a shot and it worked, we texted a lot but due to my social awkward, I rarely spoke XD, we meetup at cafe net but I rarely talk, so I man up and ask her like if she would like to grab some snack outside but she said no, I shocked for a bit and decide to go out and eat sth myself cuz shit was so awkward if some1 doesn't talk, the moment I return she was already gone XDDD, should I ask her to go to the movie next time",sure. it probably won’t work though,"She said no, leave her alone and move on to someone else. You don’t know her situation and why she said but ultimately shes not interested in you and thats ok. Find a woman that is interested in you, don’t double back after you were already rejected.",Sarcasm,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
96,"If I was the partner, I would want to know. I have a friend who cheated on their partner and I am still friends with them and did not tell their partner at the time. I carry this secret with them. 

I wonder how people would have handled the situation differently has it been their friend. ",I would just shut up / but tell my friend what i think of it.,"This is too open a question to have a one size fits all answer. How close am I to this friend? How close am I to their partner? How long have they been together? Are they just dating or are they married? Do they have kids? Was this a one off mistake or a pattern of cheating? Did my friend tell me this in confidence because they felt guilty about what they did? Or were they bragging cause they got away with it? Have I wanted my friend to break up with a toxic partner for a while? Or is their partner someone I have a lot of value and respect for?

Ultimately I'd rather not know then be put in a situation where I have to live with the knowledge that my friend cheated.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
98,"So for some background about me, I’ve only had two relationships previously, both long term that lasted 4+ years. 
The first one was typical school dating, holding hands and first kisses. 
The second one was much more serious, we were each others first everything. It was a really deep relationship that sort of abruptly ended about 8 months ago. 

My current boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 2 months. He’s the sweetest, most understanding, loyal, loving and selfless person I’ve ever met. We just clicked out of nowhere and have been attached since, despite still working through our own issues. 

I never thought I was the insecure type until I started dating him however, he’s told me all about his past relationships and can go on and on about crazy sex stories or drug stories. 

Honestly, it makes me feel a little insecure that he’s had so many more partners than me, and so much more life experience. Like, i don’t judge him..and he doesn’t compare me to any of his ex’s, or even talk about them unless brought up. 

But a part of me feels like I’m in a competition. I feel embarrassed that he’s a lot of my firsts and I’m none of his. I’m just looking for advice on how to get over this weird feeling. 

TDRL: bf has way more life experience and I feel embarrassed that I don’t and can’t give him the same feelings he gives me",It’s only been 2 months. Just remember the way he speaks about his past is how he will speak about you. You feel that way for a reason you are trying you protect yourself but you refuse to listen to yourself.,Trust your intuition and all the signs.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
99,"I’m 26 (M), the girl I’m dating is 23 (F). I’ve been talking to this girl for about six months told me that she deleted her Instagram and deactivated it. I ended up finding out that she still has her Instagram and I just assumed that she probably just deleted the app and doesn’t use it anymore. Then I see that later on she still has one and is active on it because she recently followed somebody around two hours after she told me that she doesn’t have one. I honestly don’t know why she would lie to me. I have never once said anything about her having one or not and it obviously would not be an issue for me if she did. So I asked her again the next day if she really doesn’t have one just to be sure. She again told me she deactivated it. She blatantly lied to my face. I haven’t confronted her on it but I really don’t know what to do in this situation. What would be the reasons she would lie about this? And what would be the best way to go about this situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. ",Just say you came across it and ask her why she felt the need to lie,"You gotta talk to her about this, my dude. We have no clue why she's saying this. 

For all we know that's a catfish or something.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
100,"I’ve been seeing a girl for nearly 3 months now. We see eachother a lot, maybe abit to much but all in all it’s going well enough. But i’m not starting to wonder if i want anything to do with her anymore. I feel recently she has done a few things to set of my red flag alarms, little things like taking her phone to very short bathroom trips, being quite cheeky and combative humor wise, she told me the other day at my house she was going home to get a shower and grab her work uniform for the next day, she returned over an hour later with no uniform, didn’t smell like she had a shower and my gut just screamed she’s lying, another one if quickly pocketing her phone when she saw me appear one day, then shortly after when she went to use it again she got up and stood facing me which again sent major flags off. I’ve been cheated on before and i feel she had a lot of cheating vibes about her. She tells me she loves me & wants to hook a holiday together for september, but im seriously suspicious she’s seeing someone else. I got with her just as she got out of a relationship, but she said she had mentally checked out off it long before she emded it. I just feel like im being cheated on, seeing signs of it anyway. abit paranoid. on top of all this she always seems very distant, not very talkative sometimes, and just the lights are on but nobody is home type of vibe. I don’t know what to do but i feel very uncomfortable ",She’s probably cheating. Your gut is almost always right. Been there. She was cheating. Oh yeah and the other one. She was cheating.,You're thinking about breaking up and asking strangers instead of asking her? You two seem to hit it off well.,Commentator's opinion,Sarcasm,Comment 1,evaluation
101,"I have a history with disordered eating. My husband recently has become very healthy in terms of food choices. He started only eating one meal a day about a year ago. He now wants to give up refined sugar completely (no dessert, no fruit, no bread, no pasta) and only eat whole grains, protein, and vegetables. He wants us to optimize our health and set similar rules for our young children.

I thought I had finally reached a point where I am comfortable with my own food choices and enjoying things in moderation. While I do sometimes overindulge with dessert, I no longer binge or hide food or other bad habits. The recent conversations around food have been extremely triggering. We are constantly talking about food and I am constantly feeling guilty about my choices and what I am doing to our children. I feel like a failure that I am not able to give up sugar, or more accurately that I do not want to give up sugar. I am extremely angry with my husband and resentful that he is harping on this topic every time we have a second to talk.

While I agree somewhat with him about reducing our sugar intake, I feel he is too extreme. I am super depressed that we have so little in common around food. One of my hobbies is baking and the fact that I can no longer do that for my family to enjoy is also super depressing and another source of resentment. My husband insists I need to just stop eating emotionally and we will be in alignment.

If it was just the two of us, I would be able to do my own thing but we are struggling to be consistent with our children. How do we move forward?","Your husband is also exhibiting disordered eating, and will likely deny it. His hyper-controlled approach to food is not healthy for children at all, and puts them at high risk for eating disorders. 

I wonder if a “neutral expert” could persuade him, your pediatrician, or a pediatric dietician.","I don't think there's anything wrong with HIM sticking to whole grains, protein, and vegetables, but he is bonkers crazy for trying to impose that on you and WORSE, your children. That is so incredibly unhealthy for him to even consider doing that. 

DO NOT allow him to do this to your children. They will be binging junk food out of the house and grow up with an incredibly dangerous relationship with food. PLEASE don't let him hurt your children like this. PLEASE keep baking so that your children can enjoy food.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
102,"My fiancée (28F) is a first generation French immigrant who moved to the US for college 10 years ago and became a US citizen 4 years ago. 

Her parents and grandparents all still live in France and she visits them a few times a year. I went with her on a trip to France after we got engaged and had been together for a yea  to see and be introduced to her family. The entire time it was tense and hostile.

I guess my Fiancée didn’t tell her family that I was black because I could just tell by their face that they weren’t expecting it when they first saw me. She didn't send them pictures or anything of me. Her grandparents especially (who are in their 80’s and 90’s) kept making comments in French that I couldn’t understand but I knew were bad since my fiancée would respond in an aggressive/defensive way in French whenever they would make them.

Once we got back we had a discussion about the whole thing and she told me that her family is very proud of their country and its culture/history. They apparently have a bad impression of black Americans as lazy criminals or something (she didn’t say that directly but kinda referenced it) and apparently my girlfriend got an angry email from her father about a week after we got back that she “might as well sterilize herself” because she’s ending her bloodline. I even put it in google translate to make sure that’s what it said.

I kinda understand now why she didn’t tell them about me or send them pictures, but I don’t know how this will work in the future if we actually get married. How did I go about this?

",The real question is how is your Fiancée handling her racist family? It’s not great she didn’t prepare you in advance. Does she plan to keep contact? How much contact?,"Her family is crappy, but to spring that situation on you with no warning was really bad judgement. Like really bad judgement. 

If that doesn’t give you second thoughts, I think maybe some counseling or a neutral third party (cause counseling is expensive in US) is in order to go over the implications of how this will impact the future. If you have kids, you wouldn’t want them subjected to hate like that. Which means NC for your & your children with her family. Is she prepared for that? Is she prepared to be cut off by her family or be forced (by their behavior) to go NC or LC?",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
104,"I’ve been seeing someone for a few months, and things have been great so far! 

Over the past few days, something about our text conversations just seems..off? 

I’m not sure if I’m getting too in my head; or if there are subtle signs that this person may be giving via text that he’s no longer interested. 

From a male perspective - what are some things you do to subtly let a girl know that you’ve lost interest, or that your feelings have shifted to more platonic rather than romantic? ","For me, if I'm not interested, I'll just tell you that I don't feel a romantic connection and I'll end it. 

But, I suppose if I'm headed that way but haven't made a decision, I'll be texting less often, I won't be making future plans, I won't be as available, my communications will be less personal, no more flirting, etc.","it wouldnt be so much in what i would say, but more so in what i'd do in my actions.

the conversation would become more friendly, i'd stop using words like ""babe"", i'd probably msg less often n even avoiding, i would cancel plans more often n say im busy.

i guess to summarize everything in two words: friendly and avoidant.

on the flip side, we'll just come right out n say what the deal is n tell u to move on romantically.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
106,"Let’s set the scene. It’s May and I’m talking to this girl, let’s call her Ashley, and she eventually confessed that she likes me. While I would call this a W for me, I’m concerned on if I’m breaking bro code. One of my bros, call him Joey, and her were in a talking stage for a little bit way back in September, but it only lasted a couple weeks after my bro decided to shut it down. She eventually met me and my roommate when we were sitting next to Joey’s friend, she decided to come sit with us along with one of her friends. After a while (I’d say two to three months after this) we started going on walks together, usually with my roommate or her friend accompanying us, but it eventually became us two alone and we started to talk to each other and have deep convos. It wasn’t long after that she confessed and I’ve been stumped. She’s a great woman and I can definitely see myself dating her. However, I can’t shake this one thing. I talked about it with my roommate and he says he sees no foul and I’m gonna bring it up to Joey at some point, but I wanna get the public opinion. Is this a violation of bro code?","He shut it down, right?

You're clear, dude. He moved on.","I spoke to the other Bros, and after further review the ruling on the field is confirmed.  No violation is detected, proceed with your courtship.",Commentator's opinion,Sarcasm,Comment 1,evaluation
108,"I was chatting to a girl on tagged (dating app), she wanted to move the chat to telegram, once i chatted to her on telegram she told me that do I want a sugar mummy, she sent me 4 photos of hot ladies and she said pick one and I'll will meet her and have sex with her and then get paid $5000, I'm tempted to check it out, could this be a police stings or scam","So this woman randomly offered to make you into a prostitute? 

I'm no expert, but I'm 1000% sure that's not on the level.","The fact that you even considered this might be a real thing and not an attempt to, at the very least, steal a kidney from you is legitimately one of the funniest things I've heard in weeks. 

That being said, you should check it out!",Sarcasm,Sarcasm,Comment 1,evaluation
111,"I (20F) like this guy (20M) but I am several inches taller. I’m 178cm (5’10)  and I would estimate he is 165 cm (5’5). The height difference does not bother me at all but I am worried he might not like it. I do not know how to make it known I like him and the height difference is not a big deal. 

I have talked to guys shorter than me before and it was always a hurdle to get them to understand their height is not an issue. 
","Short fella here, I feel hella good when an Amazon likes me back",Talk to him the way you would anyone else you wanted to date. Don't mention height unless he asks.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
113,"My girlfriend quit vaping two months ago. Since then, I've frequently reminded her of how proud I am of her and I assure her I am here to support her in any way. Recently, she has been undergoing a lot of stress from a summer job leading to burnout. Today, she has been expressing to me how much she wants to buy a new vape, but she doesn't want for me to be disappointed. My disappointment is the only thing holding her back. I have always told her that I would be honest and that I would be disappointed. I reassure her that I am not telling her she cannot vape and that it is ultimately her decision to make. I remind her that I will support her and love her regardless. How am I supposed to navigate this? 

I don't know what to say because the conversation always returns to her saying she doesn't want me to be disappointed. I try telling her that it is your body, your health, and your decision to make. If that is how you choose to cope, I understand. If anyone has recommendations for this conversation, I would appreciate it. I refuse to enable this habit and encourage her to use nicotine to cope, but I refuse to stop her from doing what she wants. I am fully supportive of her making these decisions for herself and I encourage her to not worry about what I think. She needs to do what she thinks is best. I just don't know how to support her anymore or what to say. Thank you for any input.","kind of sounds like to me she's actually looking to you for support in not buying a vape. Doing something like this by yourself is very difficult, and it's usually very helpful to have somebody you're held accountable to. It almost sounds like she wants you to talk her out of getting a vape? Have you asked her if this is how she wants you to support her?","Hey there! It sounds like you're in a tough spot. You're doing great by supporting your girlfriend through this. Let her know you're proud of her progress without vaping and that you'll support her no matter what. Encourage her to find healthier ways to cope with stress. Keep reminding her that your love is unconditional. It might take time, but being patient and understanding will help her make the best decision for herself.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
116,"I (23f) have been seeing this guy (26m) for about a month and a half. We hang out 3-4 times a week, talk a bit, have hooked up, and he acts like we are in a relationship. well, i decided to ask the “so what are we” question and he said:

“If you want to know how I feel, i definitely like you and enjoy your company always. As far as what I’m looking for, I told you before that in the past I’ve always jumped from relationship to relationship and I’m really hoping I don’t do that this time. I’m not ready to give someone my 100% undivided attention just yet, just because I’ve never given myself that kind of attention. I’m truly looking to become the best version of myself before i commit to someone honestly. I’ll tell you right now i don’t talk to any other girls nor am i looking to talk to anyone else. If this were any other time in my life I would’ve already asked you to be my girlfriend but I’m not the type to do something unless I know I can put 100% effort in and there’s just so much I’m still figuring out about myself.”

How do i even respond to this? I’m fine with waiting, but i don’t want to be putting in all this effort and time be strung along for no reason. idk how to convey this in a way that doesn’t seem bitchy, i feel like just outwardly saying that won’t sound right, ya know? he’s a great guy and i enjoy the time we spend together, but i don’t want to hurt myself in the long run, so i know it’s better to get clarity now. 

Idk how to even respond to this ugh. help. what would you do? :(","there's no timetable for him to be ready to be in another relationship. i wouldnt wait around. he basically wants a fwb situation.

you can say something like this(assuming you are looking for serious relationship):

""thanks for being honest with me and where you stand. at this time i am looking for someone who can give me their 100% and wants to date and progress into a relationship. i think its best we take a break from seeing each other so you can focus on yourself and i can focus on finding someone that is aligned with what i am looking.""","The problem is that the words and actions do not align and is confusing and frustrating. 
Step back in the relationship so that what you are doing matching what he says he wants/can give you and ask him to do the same. After the initial adjustment to it, if that process of differentiation or stepping back feels unmanageable or undesirable, then that’s the end. 

It might also help for you all to discuss what being “in a relationship” looks like and means to each of you. Like how does what’s happening now differ from whatever the next step is?",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
119,"So we met about 1-2 times but we got eachother contact, we text alot in the first month, things going great, she seems to like it and we talk alot but in the second month it get repetitive so I tried to ask her out, go have a dinner or something, I thought she gonna agree but she's not. I didn't even say this was a date, just have a dinner as a friend.

After that I ask her out a couple more times throughout the week but she still don't want to go, I start to think ""Am I really that bad that even a friend don't want to meet me?"". It's not like she is busy all the time, I saw she's still hangout with her friends alot but just not me.

So now should I keep continue to text her daily  and wait for another chance or just done with this weird relationship and move on?","stop wasting your time and move on. she likes the attention, thats it","STOP TEXTING HER. She is using you for attention, move on. There’s plenty of girls that will actually wanna go out with you, she isn’t one of them.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
121,"Me 19F and my friend 19NB, have been friends since middle school. Its been twice since they made a move on me and I rejected them. But they still make me uncomfortable like them being like, “It’s so weird because I love people that I’ve known for so long. Even if I can’t be with them... Like I’m in love with their soul.. blah blah...” 
It sucks really bad because I feel like they only like me because I’m a girl. Like if I was a guy, this wouldn’t be a problem. But I don’t know if I’m overthinking it. Should I distance myself? I don’t want to lose them as a best friend.

TLDR: Best friend possibly in love with me. Should I confront ? Should I just ignore ? Or distance myself.",You need to tell them it makes you a bit uncomfortable and accept that may dent the friendship. You've made it clear there's no romantic interest but they're continuing to gesture towards it.,"They have to come to terms and accept you’re not interested 

It’s not your resizability to “do” anything just because they have feelings and you…don’t 

That said, distancing yourself would probably do more damage than help and if as you say you don’t want to lose them as a friend, that’s a sure fire way to do exactly that 😐

You still may, if they really *cannot* separate their unrequited feelings for you from your friendship, but that won’t be anything you can do about and there’s not really anything you can do in that 

What happens long term is up to them, all you can really do I suppose is to keep being their friend the same as you would if they weren’t possibly harboring feelings for you 

What they do is up to them",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
123,"We have been dating for six years. I love him very much and he is my best friend. We only see each other on the weekends when we are home from university. We either meet at his parents or my parents house and sleep together there. He is very good looking and really sweet. I often get the urge to hug/kiss/touch him but not much more than that. I do sometimes feel sexually attracted to him but it is rare. He is very attracted to me. I am capable of being sexually attracted to men. And do feel sexually attracted to other men, but i immediately let those thoughts go and would never be unfaithful, i just mean i do feel natural sexual attraction sometimes. I think i might have a weird relationship with sex. I feel like it is shameful and feel like love is and should be innocent and cute. Therefore maybe i feel like love and lust don’t go together in my head.  
Does anyone have any tips for this problem, or any explanations/theories? 
",Staying with the same guy you’ve been with since 13 might sound sweet but if you arent sexually attracted to him - indicative that it isn’t a good fit. There are others out there - maybe you’re limiting yourself by holding on to something that has naturally run its course.,"This is going to be beyond Reddit’s pay grade. It sounds like you have some complex feelings about sex and love that are hindering your relationship. Talking about that with a therapist would be a great place to start, and something that could help a lot.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
127,"Whats up, I just met a girl on fb dating and we have been talking for about 5 days now. In the beginning (which I know is fast, I thought we clicked right away) we were flirting and getting to know each other. She said she liked me, her best friend approved of me, I thought it was kicking off to a great start. She came over to my house on the 2nd day, and we hung out and talked. She had a great time, things got a little spicy, but we didn't sleep together. After she left, I told her I had a great time, she said she did too . I mentioned something about hanging out again and she said she would like that, so the next day, I asked her if there was a day where her kid could be watched and we could go get dinner. She said don't know, and texted me later saying that she doesn't think we were gonna work out, and that we had nothing in common. I asked her if she wanted to talk and see where it goes and she said sure. I wasn't trying to rush anything, im just very confused. I've never been interested with someone who has these symptoms, and we are still talking through out the day just not like we were before. Did I screw up somewhere? Am I wasting my time? I'm so confused, she said I was awesome and I had her laughing her ass off the whole time. Any advice is appreciated","Take it and run bro, you don’t want any part of that long term, trust me.  Even if she’s on meds now doesn’t mean they won’t stop working down the road and she’ll ruin your life.  Get out while you can.","Thought I add that she said she wanted us to work, just wasn't feeling a connection. Said she wasn't a 100%. She has had terrible previous relationships, im just not sure how to continue this in the right direction to be with her",Commentator's opinion,Not Relevant,Comment 1,evaluation
128,"I’m a 36M and gf is 32F. Been together almost 8 years. Throughout the years I’ve dealt with episodes of her throwing rage fits. The first time I dealt with it was in year two of dating. We got into an argument at a friend’s wedding, but it was so long ago I don’t even remember what it was about. We stayed overnight in our private bedroom and she punched me in the chest 3 times because she was so mad at something I said. I was shook. Like holy shit, did I just experience domestic abuse for the first time in my life? She apologized, we made up and moved on. There have been 3 other incidents where her rage has taken over since then. Slamming doors, punching through a window and shattering the glass is one of them. Multiple doors slammed and screaming at the top of her lungs. Each time I’ve walked out of the house and didn’t come back for 2-3 days. She hasn’t laid her hands on me since that first incident. This is all over the span of almost 8 years. 

Her Mom passed in year 4. I was a pallbearer. We’ve gone through a lot in our relationship. I’ve hoped for change, but this past week she blew up again. This time it was about her own personal work life. She exploded and went on a rageful rampage and shattered our bedroom window by punching it. Luckily she didn’t cut herself. 

She’s gone to therapy to cope with the passing of her mom. She’s tried to self medicate with pot. She has no close friends where we live. Nothing has helped. I’ve found myself being her therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, best friend, etc…I’m EXHAUSTED. We’ve been discussing potentially breaking up. It’s so hard right now. I’m confused. Investing so much time and so many years in a relationship, and now considering breaking up is baffling. We’re at a crossroads. 

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice would be much appreciated.","It's incredibly tough to be in a relationship where rage issues are present. Your safety and well-being should always come first. It's important to consider seeking support from a professional counselor or therapist for guidance on how to navigate this situation, especially if you're feeling exhausted and unsure about the future of your relationship. Taking care of yourself emotionally and mentally is crucial.","you have to leave. **You have to fucking leave**. There is no ""discussion"" about potentially breaking up, you have to DO IT. 

This is domestic violence.",Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
129,"Me and my bf have been dating for a year now but to this day I still think about how i said I love you first (i said it 4 months into dating) my bf told me that he wanted to say it sooner before I did . Do you guys think that’s weird or looked like I was down bad I  overthink it bc usually the guys say it first (from what I see) but just want to hear yall thoughts?:)
","Not weird at all! 
You both love each other and that’s all that matters","I don't think it's weird and I don't think it matters who says it first! As long as you got your feelings of love out to each other, that's what matters!",Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 1,evaluation
130,"Me (23M) and my partner (23F) have been together for 7 months now. Lately, she's been acting a bit distant and cold. Then yesterday, she opened up to me about something bothering her. It seems like she's unsure about getting married in the future or becoming dependent on her spouse. She mentioned she might prefer being independent down the road and isn't sure if she wants us to get married eventually or if she wants to marry me. She assured me she's not leaving, but it's left me feeling uncertain about where our relationship is heading. Maybe she just needs some time to figure things out. Now I'm anxious, wondering if our relationship might end or if she's thinking about marrying someone else.



I'm starting to worry that maybe she's interested in someone else, especially since most of her close friends and coworkers are guys from her workplace. I'm not sure what to do or how to process all of this.



She also mentioned she wants to be alone in the future so she can hang out and bond more with her friends. But right now, she already spends time with them and her coworkers. I'm not sure if that's really the reason or if there's more to it. I'm just feeling confused by everything she's said.","OK, but so what?  How is this impacting your building your future?  Your constant self improvement?  This woman just told you she doesn't really see a future with you right now, but she will keep you around because you provide boyfriend energy and maybe she will change her mind.  So who cares about her?

Focus on building your future.  This woman is not the one for you, she is just keeping you from finding that woman.  

And, yeah, everyone is going to tell you (rightfully) she is probably hooking up with some of these guys.  She is living her best life, has you doing boyfriend stuff while winning cool boyfriend awards while she plays party girl when she wants.  Works great for her.

But the real question, again, is how is your self improvement coming?  How is your gym and fitness coming?  What is the next hobby skill you are looking to develop coming?  How is your career and income plan going?  Looking for a better job?  How is all of that?  I want to hear about your near term goals, your long term goals, this woman is just distracting you from that.

Because fuck this woman.  You should still be head down focused on your grind bettering yourself with no time for drama and women that bring it to your life.  You got a couple of years before you get serious about looking for a wife, and she aint it.  She is just a time waister.  And likely you don't want to know what else she is.

So get back on your grind and forget this woman.  Every day, self improve.  There is nothing with this woman to even fight for.",[deleted],Emotional Support,Not Relevant,Comment 1,evaluation
134,I met my 31m coworker and started talking to him about 2-3 months ago…. We got very close or at least I thought we did he came over a couple of times to my apartment and took me out to eat twice. We never had sex but we did almost everything else. Had phone calls texted almost everyday and I got so attached. Recently he’s been blocking me from seeing his stories and he blocked me on instagram when we didn’t even have each other on there in the first place. We are still each others #1 friends on Snapchat if that means anything at all. But he hasn’t spoken to me in the last two days. I miss him and have to see him everyday at work for probably the next 2 years. Please if you have any advice I’d truly appreciate it and please don’t be rude as I’m already hurt. ,"I mean, you've been relegated to a booty call. This isn't how you treat someone you want a relationship with.

Want better than this for yourself OP: time to let it settle in that this is a dead end, and if they're looking to hang out with you, you probably end up feeling used the next day.","The first piece of advice I’d give is to say that conventional wisdom will suggest that you don’t shit where you eat. Why? Because of what you’re dealing with right now. Your professional relationship will (if it isn’t already) almost certainly be negatively impacted but here’s hoping that’s not the case. 

Regardless, assuming you’ll ignore all that (realizing we’re also past that point anyway), what you need to do is use your words. Tell him how you feel and what you want. 

He hasn’t spoken to you in two days? Have you reached out to him? Next, how do you know you’re blocked? Did you look on another account?

Either way, talk to him. That’s how you’ll get the answer you need. Good luck.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
135,"He and I have been together for almost 8 years now, and this has been an ongoing problem the whole time. The main problem to me is I can’t bring up concerns without him arguing with how I feel, getting defensive, making excuses, blaming me, or turning the tables on me. 

For example, he and I were gaming together and something he was doing was kind of bothering me a little so I decided to ask him his preferred way to go about that thing so I could adjust. In a game we like to play together, looting is a great way to get coin and supplies. Bits and bobs. He often cuts me off in the game to loot where I was trying to go. Kind of annoying but no big deal. So I asked him if he’d prefer to do all the looting and I can do other stuff in the meantime.  He took exception to that, huffed, and asked me what my problem was. I didn’t want to fight so I said that. It really wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t want it to turn into one. He responded by telling me he’s sick of me painting him out to be the bad guy and like his existence is annoying and a burden. 

This sort of things happens every single time I bring up a concern with him. No matter how benign. No matter how delicately I put it.  If it’s not super fun for him to hear, he takes it personally. Like I attacked him and now we’re enemies. Every. Single. Time. Without fail. 


I’ve told him (ad nauseam) that I should be able to bring up concerns and it not turn into a fight. He agrees and promises to do better next time. He doesn’t. Ever. And I’m not exaggerating. It hasn’t gotten even a little better over this 8 years. He’s spiteful and disingenuous and disrespectful during these unfun conversations when all I’m trying to do is just tell him how I feel. 


I know at this point I’m a fool in love. I know he’s shown me time and time again who he is and how he handles things. And yet, I stay. Hoping it will get better, knowing it won’t. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I leave him? How do I show myself I deserve better? Why cant I effing leave??","This isn’t love you’re feeling. It’s habitual. This is all your body knows around this person. 

Maybe the truth is you keep choosing this man because somewhere along your life you were told that this was the best you were going to get. Being dismissed and minimised, not being heard or seen. Not cared for fully. You’re accepting this from him. Do you think you may have self esteem issues? That’s a long period of time to be ground down on","I think your question ""why can't I leave the repeated DARVo, dismissive unhappy relationship"" is large enough to warrant professional help/advice; like individual therapy or at least family

I sense being dismissed and talked down to like a bully, and even if I was getting paid to play my favorite games I wouldn't put up with such an immature churlish ""teammate"" like that. I'd play with randos instead

He learned you won't leave and he doesn't have to pretend to respect or care for you.  

You feel comfortable, like it isn't *terrible*.. yet.  But are you really happy, now? You deserve respect and love, consistently. Not to be nitpicked when they feel moderately held accountable for bullying words.

Alternate, bad advice: 

 if you're unsure that it's merely uncomfortable, introduce him to a mirror of his own experience. Call and treat him the way he does to you, write it off, laugh about him loudly in front of his peer gamers, and see him take it in stride or fully change (protip: it won't)",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,evaluation
137,"For some background, I (20F) have never had a boyfriend since I've always been happy on my own. When it comes to dating, I don't have a strong interest in in pursuing one and kinda have a ""if it happens, it happens"" mentality around it. For the past 7-ish weeks, I started talking and hanging out with a guy from my apartment complex after meeting him at a party since we had a few artsy hobbies in common. 

I let him know in the beginning that I've never had a boyfriend and wasn't comfortable with anything fast-paced, so we have been keeping things mostly casual (just some cuddling), and unfortunately, I'm just not feeling it. Seeing as that I've never really had romantic feelings, I quite literally have no idea what they feel like, so I have been pushing to see if I maybe I feel something. 

After a lifetime of feeling this way, I'm slowly realizing that it's time for some self-reflection to explore the possibility that I'm aromantic or ace. However, I feel horrible about the whole thing. He suffers from anxiety and depression and has also confessed to me that he has Aspergers and that he struggles a lot with being lonely. I tried to hold out to see if I just develop feelings slower, and to see if some of the social awkwardness attributed with his Aspergers would lessen as he became more comfortable with me, but neither has been the case. I'm finding more and more that regardless of whatever my confusing feelings are, we just aren't that compatible and that there are very uneven levels of attraction. He constantly wants to hang out and when we do, I do 80% of the communication and just there isn't much flow to it. 

I've had to let men down before, but I'm struggling for this scenario because 1) How long we've been talking, 2) The fact that I actually may not experience romantic/sexual attraction to men, and 3) How much he's both directly and indirectly vocalized his desire for a girlfriend. I just need to tell him in person the next time we meet, what do you think is the best way to not hurt him?","As a dude, please be direct. Just say that you’re not feeling it and you wish him the best.","There isn’t really a way to not hurt him as it seems he’s already developed some level of attachment, but the sooner the better, best course is to try to just be nice about it and let him down easy, but make sure you’re clear that there is no romantic attraction on your part, you have the option of exploring friendship but just know that his attachment to you romantically will likely not go away and all I can speak on with that is my experience and for my longterm mental wellbeing it was better when as a teenager if the person didn’t recipreciprocate romantic feelings that they were upfront about it and kept contact to a minimum afterwards, I feel like this guy will want to keep in contact platonically and ultimately then you will have to decide what’s best for you.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
138,"So I met with this guy overseas as part of a tour that he was a guide for, we clicked and it was an instant connection.

Fast forward, he contacted me on Whatsapp and we spoke for two weeks and everything was fine. Checking on me multiple times a day, quick replies, we briefly saw each other outside my hotel a few times coz I was there with my fam.

We decided to meet a day before my flight back home and things happened between us, it was just perfect. He was good and acted like a gentleman, wanted me to stay in his country for long term or plans about him coming to visit me etc.

However, since I landed back home, his behaviour has changed very cold towards me. He took hours to reply or sometimes a whole day and that too, only two messages in 24 hours. Have I been played? How do I confront him? If that’s all what he wanted, why does he still messages me?",He is probably busy hitting on girls in the next tour that he's guiding! Move on!,Sorry.. you have been played. Next trick might be that “he’s in trouble and needs to borrow money” Cut your loss and move on.. treat this as a learning experience.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
139,"I (19f) met this guy (21m) at a bar last summer and we’ve been talking for almost a year now. I started at college last year so it was obvious our relationship wasn’t going anywhere at the time but we did talk some throughout the school year. On top of that- he is in the military and is only stationed in my area he literally lives across the country. This summer since I’ve been back we have been hanging out like 3 days a week and sleeping over with each-other like 3 days a week. We go on “dates” being movies baseball games really casual dinners stuff like that- almost friend activities. Physically it hasn’t gone very far- we make out, cuddle, I give him head and he has fingered me but that’s it. He hasn’t brought up a future between us and I can tell he views our relationship as really casual. 

My dilemma is we are both anticipating sex but I have never had sex with someone I have an emotional connection to; only with random club guys I see once. I fear that if we do, I will become attached and would have to deal with that emotional baggage when I leave again for college. Is it wise just to avoid sex for the next two months and just keep it as casual as possible? I want to be more intimate but I have a feeling it’s going to make things more painful for me in the end- especially at this point in our “relationship” . Help.",I don't think no-strings attached sex works for men and even less for women. It's not sustainable (at least wasn't for me). Trust your gut feeling on this. I went against mine and got punished eventually.,(24 M) I personally wouldn’t have sex unless I am in a serious relationship bc I’ve had sex quite recently with someone I was talking to and I got attached and realized our personalities weren’t compatible. I had to end things today bc of that and bc I was attached bc of the sex and our intimate time. All that to say. Save it for someone you are actually dating,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,evaluation
141,"I [30 M] met this girl [25 F] at work.  From the beginning we had a really great relationship (not romantically), a lot of common jokes and topics for conversation. But we didn't go out with each other outside of work (apart from one time to a place we both liked). I recently found out that she is taking a long leave of absence, after which she does not return to work. I thought this might be my last chance, so I invited her to the place where we first went out after work.  She agreed.  We had a really great time, she told me about herself and her future plans (we hadn't even shared such information before). The next day she texted me to ask how much money she had to pay me back for yesterday. I said he didn't have to give anything back. Then we exchanged a few messages and now she's silent. The problem is that from the moment she first wrote, the average time for her to respond is 24 hours. She supposedly told me that she had a lot on her mind in the near future: a friend's wedding or a vacation with her parents, but in my head I had a sentence that was usually true: if someone likes you, that person will always find time for you.

I'm confused now. Is this some kind of hot and cold treatment or she's simply not interested? Maybe I'm just overthinking?

Any intelligent advice and feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Thanks! ","Go on another date, and this time, escalate to flirting and kissing if you are comfortable. If she doesn't respond well to that, then you have your answer.",You're trying to have a relationship through your phone. It doesn't work. She'll just meet someone who impresses her in real life. ,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
144,"My GF (18F) and I (18M) have been together officially for a year and about 2 years unofficially. First, I have to admit my GF did say that she doesn't enjoy physical touch that much. For example we haven't kissed yet because she finds kissing 'disgusting and weird,' I've accepted it and I'm okay with that. 

We do have moments of physical touch but I initiate it only, like holding hands and fondling. Even so when we're hanging out at my house she doesn't sit close me (I have to move over towards her) We've talked about it and she says that she doesn't necessarily 'love' the physical touch but she's **okay** with it. 

Also, we're not very good at communicating. I find it very hard to talk to her about being more physically intimate (and just more personal things about myself in general) For example when we talk about more personal things she changes the subject quickly. 

What should I do? Should I try to talk to her? Just tough it out? Or start thinking about the end of the relationship? Personally, I feel guilty about wanting more physical affection and that I shouldn't want it since she isn't keen on it.

tldr: My GF isn't a very physically affectionate person and I'm not sure how to get more physical affection. (or if i should)","You want physical touch and affection, she doesn't. It sounds like you are incompatible and should probably think about ending the relationship. It sucks, but it doesn't sound like a fixable issue and it will almost definitely breed resentment between the two of you if it hasn't already. Try and be more open about your needs if you haven't properly expressed them already but don't expect her to suddenly change her preferences just because you're being more open. At the end of the day, you both deserve someone who wants the same level of affection. 'Toughing it out' is not a characteristic of a good, happy relationship.","I suggest that you better talk with her seriously first, maybe she just this type of a person who don't like being physical but maybe it's something more deep, idk
But conversation it's always a good start and after you can think if there something you together can do to make  it feel more comfortable for you and her, or rather it's will be better to end the relationship",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
145,"Hello! I (26M) have a question, after ending a long relationship I’ve been trying for a year to find someone to go out with but I think my personality is not attractive, and it even bothers some people.

At parties I tend to be more of a clown, people usually laugh at me as much as with me, I am somewhat hyperactive, I involve screams, etc., in everyday life I am not usually like that because I keep myself more busy and focused, but in my free time with friends yes, and I don’t know if the right thing is to suppress that type of attitude or I should continue looking as I am...

I read u

PS: if this is not the indicated subreddit, I would appreciate it if you redirected me","Every person is different, and they’re going to prefer something different in a man’s personality.

You shouldn’t have to suppress who you are to find someone who loves you. They should enjoy you as you are. Wait for someone who does.

BUT, also ask people you know and trust if anything you do is considered off-putting. You can always work on social behaviors that people consider inappropriate. If they tell you that you’re good, then don’t worry about it. If they tell you something that you should change, then change it!","A funny man is important, but also try to balance your conversations with light and deep topics. I don’t know if you are looking for a traditional girl, but being a gentleman is generally appreciated by women. Also, dress appropriately for your dates. 

Good luck",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,evaluation
147,"Why does growing intellectually advance you away from being attracted to the once simple pleasures(looks, gestures, lack of complexity). Find it as i have to get what likes me and not the golden ticket.",wut?,I don’t think you are as smart as you think you are.,Not Relevant,Hurtful,Comment 1,evaluation
148,"  
I 29F am pregnant and have been only dating my fiance 34M for a year. We are getting married and things are going good . Due to some bad history I avoided dating and he was my first. The guy is an airline pilot and gone for 17 days a month, which is fine  for my avoidant attachment style. He is good looking, smart and gets along with my family. Yet at a family event recently he got sooo drunk, he actually arrived dizzy, and told my cousin some very unkind things about his girlfriend. He called her a sl\*t (she is known for her past of sleeping around in this small community) and warned him that her fat a(ss) will get even fatter after she delivers a baby. Then he said that ""his woman has only been with him and even after she gives him a buunch of kids will not look old or gain weight"". Now, his woman is me. I found the wording very mean. And also to give him kids. Like a kid is something a wife give to her man?

I don't know what to think about all  his. He was soo drunk that he spent the night on all fours vomiting in the toilet. My cousin put him in the car and took him to my place. And now some  memories come to my mind. I am fit as I hit the gym daily. But during winter I gain a bit of a weight. He was not mean or anything but bought me some jeans that were small, to motivate me lose weight. He said it was a joke but not sure. Also, I am an elementary school teacher and I thought about changing the career for an office job. He wasn't against it but he said elementary school teacher is very nice for a woman.","Are you sure your fiancé is a man and not just a bunch of red flags stuffed into a trenchcoat?? 

Is this the kind of man you want raising your children? Are these the views you want your future kids to have?","I had a talk with him again, at breakfast. I told him for me it was a big deal what he said and I don't accept to NOT talk about it. I was pretty firm I would say. He acted surprised. I noticed how he stopped his fork near his mouth without putting the food in. But he was open and asked what exactly I want to know. I asked if he thinks women are inferior to men in any way or that our weight is an indicator of our value. I also said I will gain weight during pregnancy. And maybe a lot.

He said he doesn't think women are inferior to men, that he was talking about my cousin's girlfriend, not women in generally. But that he will be honest with me and yes, he wouldn't marry a woman who has a big body count, but added that he doesn't look down upon women who have a high body count, it's just his own preference. He said a lot of women wouldn't date a man who has a low income job or any other criteria. And it's fine. Each to their own. He wouldn't mind marrying a woman who wasn't a virgin, but if she had more than 2, 3 guys up to her 30, then he has a big problem with that and he wouldn't seriously date her. And about the weight he said he doesn't mind that I gain weight during pregnancy, that he was talking about women who stay overweight long after giving birth and use the childbirth as an excuse. I should have felt relieved but I didn't and asked him what if I don't lose the extra weight. He said I will, to not worry about it. But LOL I wasn't worrying about it, I was worried about his view on me. And I confronted him further asking if he will cheat on me if I don't lose weight. He again said I will lose it, it's not a big deal. So I asked him directly: would you, would you cheat on me? He said no",Commentator's opinion,Not Relevant,Comment 1,evaluation
149,"As the title suggests, I can’t get over a guy I dated over a year ago. We were in a “situationship” for 4 months so he was never even officially my boyfriend. 

Physically, he was everything I was looking for. I was a tan, short, bodybuilding, blonde (22in extensions). He was a 6’4 blue-eyed Italian with luscious locks. I think I was completely infatuated from the start because I told him I loved him after a month of knowing him. 

I kept imaging what it was going to be like when he finally asked me to be his. I made up our entire life story together and fantasized about all day long. I started getting annoyed that he wasn’t asking to be official and it drove me crazy. I started questioning him and begging for reassurance that he was into me. I asked what I needed to change to be with him 

Side note, he was addicted to c**e and op******. I completely dismissed that as an issue because I was so obsessed with him. 

Obviously, things ended horribly. It’s been over a year and I still think about him every day. I try to date, but I always compare people to him (even though he was kind of a loser). 

I need help. Has anyone been through this? Do you have any advice on how I can get over this and actually find someone?","Take a break from dating and focus your attention on something else like a new hobby, new physical activity etc. 


Try making new friends. Not romantic ones, just friends. 


If you always think about him, start thinking of negative traits that you saw in him and you'll eventually stop thinking about him at all. ","The real problem you have is u are looking for a copy of him, That's not gonna happen. You have put him on a pedestal; he was on drugs n overlooked it so who knows what else u over looked also him ticking all your ""list"" boxes doesn't help now your list has a face. 

Proposed solutions: stop using a list as ur Ex is now the list. Start from scratch the only requirements should be you are attracted to them and they are easy to date, kind etc. Eventually real love will win over your infatuation",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
153,"Been dating this guy for six months and we had no problems between us. We had been doing long distance but I used to go visit him but he never took me to where he stayed.we always met in town .we had met a few days ago and there was nothing to warn me so I would say the day was good  .the next day some girl calls me and warns me to stay away from this guy and I was so confused. She insulted me and I was too mortified to talk so I just hang up on her. She texts me and all of it was just insults and I was angry so insulted her back. I called the guy the next day and he just said that what the girl said was true .I didn't even cry I just laughed because how much of  a coward was he that he couldn't tell me we were over . He texts me and says she is everything he ever prayed for and I didn't know what to say. I felt bad for a couple of days and talked to some friends and I was over him but now I am scared of ever dating again because I don't want to get hurt.. please advice..
And I still think about this guy sometimes but I don't miss him I just feel a pit in my stomach because I couldn't see the red flags
","This... was horrible and I'm sorry it knocked you down, but you CAN'T stay down. You have to get back up, collect yourself, and back out there. Because while it's true that the bar is in hell, there are good men out there. Most of us don't want to end up without a relationship and HE isn't worth being your last guy let alone the one that scared you off forever. That girl didn't inherit your man. She inherited your problem. Better it be done now than after 7 years or something insane like that.","> he never took me to where he stayed 

He may have been your boyfriend.

But you were never his girlfriend.",Emotional Support,Hurtful,Comment 1,evaluation
158,"I (20M) have never had a girlfriend, am a virgin, and have only ever really been on a few dates in high school.

I want to try and put myself out there but really don’t know how. I’ve tried a dating app but half the time I don’t get responses. I feel as if I am decent looking and I am fit. I also have job stability being in the reserves and goals as I am a college student trying to become an officer. I don’t have any debt and I feel as if I am in a good financial state.

This might sound vague but what’s the best advice for trying to get started with dating as a young 20 year old?","Not sure that alot of my peers consider the reserves as stable career prospects, but the fact your a student with a goal for some type of OCS or OTS is a good long term goal. Just be yourself, open to meeting people and making friendly. 

If you like someone, communicate that to them sooner rather than later and don't be afraid of the rejection. It just means it wasn't the right person or the right time. Also keep in mind many have opinions on the military that they may consider that a deal breaker. Try not to take that too personally or be offended of that's their reason for not wanting to date.","I started dating through social media platforms. Some time ago, I participated in a private test of a social software called LightUp: Make Real Friends . It matches you with people who share your interests based on your posts and helps you connect. By sharing my daily life on the platform, such as the scenery outside the door, travel places and other content, many interested netizens have interacted with me. We discussed the interesting things in our lives, and I also arranged to meet offline with a few friends I could chat with. My offline dates with these friends have gone very well because of my online chat base.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,evaluation
160,"She’s also 28, I’ve known her since high school too but only started talking to her again two years ago, and only actually began seeing her in person this year.

As for why I’m a virgin, my life went to absolute fucking shit when I was 20.  I was in and out mental hospitals for years and I only just finished an associates degree last year.  I make 33 per hour which isn’t awful.  I’m a hard worker who doesn’t take corporate bullshitting though, so I got promoted fast.

This woman was my last loyal friend through these years.  Everyone else who wasn’t a family member kind of treated me like a damaged piece of equipment in the friend group (all my guy friends did that especially).  I got new friends eventually, thank God.  One more thing, if we had to judge her appearance, she is a straight up 10/10.  I’m not the only guy who thinks so, I’ve had other guys who asked to see her picture confirm it.  I’m worried I won’t have a shot if I’m a virgin but I really do like her and how loyal she’s been since literally 2012.

Help me decide here.",I'd be fascinated to hear your plan to change that if you didn't.,"I’ll be honest with you, she might just view you as a friend and not as a potential lover but I’ll say this. If you have the balls to man up and let her know that you find her attractive and that you want to be more than her friend then tell her before someone else tries to be her man.",Sarcasm,Practical Advice,Comment 2,evaluation
1,"i know we’re young, we make mistakes. but there’s a lot that still isn’t morally right. 

(for some context)- me and him have been on and off for the last 7 years or so.. this has been mainly due to immaturity. he cheated on me a couple times and was unloyal during our relationship on and off growing up. however i always excused his behavior for him just being young and not knowing right from wrong. it wasn’t until i moved in 2020 and we finally ended things “for good” and went no contact for a while up until last april 2023. we rekindled and talked here and there but i finally went back to see him in october after not seeing him for three years. 

fast forward to present day.. we have been dating for the last 8 months. it was amazing at first because we were so happy to reconnect. a month into us dating, i noticed a hickey on his neck that wasn’t from me. (we are currently in long distance and have been since we got together) so you would see how this would be an issue. he played it off like it was nothing and it was a very difficult thing to look past. i went to visit him in late may, and noticed a lot of things. i am not the usual type to go through others phones as i see it as a invasion of privacy, however i felt like my gut was telling me to. 

I found a collage of nudes from girls that were old, however they were still in his phone in his camera roll. i came across a dick pic in his recently deleted, but it wasn’t ever sent to me. he still has love letters from a past fling, and has yet to dump them. he ABSOLUTELY REFUSES!! to end a SNAPCHAT STREAK with this girl that he’s “good friends” with. It felt like he would rather choose this stupid streak over my comfort in our relationship. he’s been a serial cheater in his past relationships but the delusion in me wants me to think that i am special. i don’t want to come off as insecure, or crazy but this man is rlly making me feel crazy. whenever i bring up problems to him he just lasts seems to approach it with so much aggression and anger. when i bring things up to him i just want reassurance and comfort, as well as clarity. but it just doesn’t go that way. we don’t go on date nights, and he never gets me flowers anymore :( i am just lost and drained ","Here's an advice from an older man to a young one.

That shit called ""gut feeling"" ??...yeah...that.

Fucking never ever doubt it. Be it in love, family, health or even on random things. That gut feeling thing is a form of blessing straight from big ""G"" himself. 

If it says.. ""walk"" ...then you better fucking run like hell.",It sounds like he still has a cheating heart after all this time.  A good partner doesn't make you feel crazy.,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
2,"So, my girlfriend and I have been together for around a year, living together for 6 months. We have, up until now, had an ""open phone policy"" where our fingerprints are stored on each others' respective phones, funnily enough being her idea. Neither of us actually check the other's phone (never, not once), but it comes in handy for Googling something or changing the music in the car when one phone is more easily accessibly than the other. A pretty good solution, actually.

Until yesterday. We were casting YouTube videos from her phone to the downstairs TV, and she went to the toilet, so I grabbed it to queue some stuff up. ""Fingerprint not recognised"". Interesting.

For some more context, my girlfriend struggles with her mental health and is currently going through a lot with trialling different medications and some work-related stuff, I've been struggling too since I've been taking the brunt of it. The last couple of months have been really rough on us both and we aren't getting along as well as we used to, even though we still love each other. There's some light at the end of the tunnel (moving soon to her hometown) but for now, it's a struggle.

Now when I think that, to remove my fingerprint from her phone, she'd have had to go into the settings, likely remove all the fingerprints she's got set up (since they're unnamed and she's not the techiest person) and then add her own back on, I get a bit concerned. Open phone policy or not, I feel a little awkward asking about it because I don't want to feel like she has to give me access to anything, even if she has access to mine. 

My mind is obviously catastrophising about this, she could just as easily be planning to get me a gift or something than she would be cheating or anything like that, but with the issues that we're going through as a couple recently I'm starting to wonder if there might be a legitimate reason to have trust issues.

Is it weird that, for the first time since we got together, the only time I want to check her phone is now she's rescinded my ability to do just that? ","The gut never lies. Something is definitely wrong for her to suddenly remove it, especially seeing as it was her idea. Better to just ask her or it will eat you up.",Yea that’s a very intentional action taken by her. If you guys are supposed to have the fingerprints set up then you just simply say to her in the least accusatory way “hey babe I think we need to reset my fingerprint on your phone. I went to change the YouTube video when we were casting it to the tv the other day and it said not recognized.” If she instantly gets defensive or even says back to you no then you have something to worry about. I wouldn’t go to worst case scenario right away but keep us posted!,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
3,"12/31/2019: got married to wife in the US.

5/1/2024: found out wife had been cheating on me with a former friend of mine. Wife denies. We go to friend’s place 4 hrs away to check their evidence. Found solid evidence. Wife claims to be poly and cheats some more. 

5/10: Came back home together. Wife behaves repentant and agrees to stop. 

5/25: Wife locks self in room and refuses to come out, and then went on a “road trip”. Hint: more cheating. I pretend to not know.

She came back just now. I feel happy to see her and unhappy to know what she’s been up to. 

I still want to see how this goes before proceeding with a divorce.","If you stay with her the cheating will never end. You'll become her doormat. 

She's gonna promise to stop cheating and she even might for a little while til she does it again. And the cycle will just continue. 

Please do yourself a favor and get a divorce.",What do you look for now? A divorce attorney,Practical Advice,Sarcasm,Comment 1,exploration
4,"Throwaway because he knows I lurk on here. 
I (F34) have trouble trusting my boyfriend (M35) after he has cheated in a past relationship. A bit of context: About 4 years before meeting me, my boyfriend had a pretty long relationship (10+ years), which ended up with them breaking up after he realised he wasn't in love with her or happy anymore. They started dating as teenagers and had a break-up in-between, but then resumed dating, which according to him was a mistake. During the second part of the relationship he ended up cheating on her several times.

He was reluctant about telling me because he has had a relationship end after 7 months once she found out about it. I can't say I was particularly thrilled to know what about him and I've had times when I start getting paranoid and distrustful. I know the easiest way would be to break up with him, but we've been seeing each other for 3 years now and things are really nice between us. He's never given me a chance to doubt him, but I'm a bit on the anxious side and will spiral sometimes because ""cheaters will always be cheaters"". I see it is hurting him and the relationship to get constantly grilled about it. He says he was young and stupid and only thought about himself, but he has changed now and wouldn't do that to someone else and that he'd break up before ever acting on something or cheating. I want to believe him and that he's a reformed man, but I also don't want to end up feeling stupid, if he actually does cheat on me. I guess, I need some advice from people that have been in his position and have indeed changed. Is that possible? Or am I being naive? I know in the end there's no 100% guarantee he won't cheat, but I just want to hear some other perspectives. My friends all think like me.","Ultimately, it's your decision to believe he is a changed person or not. So, you can choose to leave or stay. If he seems to really deeply love and care for you, you should take his word. Give yourself a few weeks and then decide how you feel again. I'm sure that came as a shocker to you, but if you rethink about all the times your boyfriend has been good to you, maybe that trust will start to build again. You both have been together for 3 years, within that time did you see any signs of him cheating or having interest in other women? If you trusted him till now, then you should take his word. Its really your decision to trust him again or not. ","Well, you can’t hold it against him now as he hasn’t done anything wrong with your relationship, but (hope not) the time comes where he doesn’t seem “as happy” as before, you do need to be ready for the worst. “Cheaters stay cheaters” wasn’t created for nothing.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
5,"
Summary of the last [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/rEhmaIEG7G):

We broke up 9 months ago because he disrespected me, was emotionally abusive, lied, and pressured me for sex. He came back with a long apology and promises, and despite my hesitation, nostalgia made me give him another chance. After 2 days of talking, I felt something was off, so I made a fake Bumble account. Sadly, I found him there, flirting and claiming to be single. While messaging this fake girl, he was also sending me sweet texts.

I didn't confront him immediately. Instead, I blocked him everywhere and sent an email saying I lost interest and wished him well, without mentioning the cheating. He replied wanting to stay in touch, but that's not happening.


—-
Now to the recent event, 

He reached out again, by email, with the classic “i miss you” message.

I’ve been looking at the email and distracting myself with work, and other stuff, but i have to admit, i am in an emotional wreck. 

I genuinely feel so conflicted and horribly stressed. 

I want to move on, so badly, and i wanna let go of the thought of him as being my man, and my lover. But he keeps coming back, placing me in the situation where i am so little and out of control.

Stupid questions whirling in my mind, but finding answers to them is futile; there is no way that i am taking him back. 


Yet, this “i miss you” been lingering in my email and causing me pain, loneliness and grief. 



",He misses having a steady source of sex.,Block his email(s).,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
6,Why do girls like skinny guys? ,"From my experience, girls like every type of body. It’s all about preference. I like bulkier guys, and some of my girl friends really like skinny guys. Some girls like a nice medium of the types. I don’t think there’s one reason why girls like skinny guys. It’s just about personal taste.",skinny as scrawny or fit? same reason why most guys like skinnier girls,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
7,"There's this girl at my work and I can't help but glance at her whenever she passes by and I feel bad for doing it because I feel creepy. Even admitting it to friends that I like someone makes me feel stupid and/or weird.

I don't know why but I suppose me finding a girl attractive and looking at her makes me feel creepy. It's weird, I know, but can anyone help?","Well you did say glance. But one day you going glance so much you going get whiplash. Don’t upgrade to staring it’s definitely creepy especially if you’re saying nothing. Say hi, start a conversation.","You could attempt to communicate your feelings? And not glance and hope they make the first move, cause they will not.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
8,"I moved in with my girlfriend four months ago, leaving my 10 year old dog home with my family as I felt it would be unfair to change so much of her life. Unfortunately, yesterday she passed away and I woke up to multiple texts and voicemails from my family frantically saying she was on the verge of death, hoping I'd answer so that I could be there in her final moments. I had to spend the day finding somewhere we could bring her to get her cremated and overall it was a difficult day mentally, and I'm sure it will continue to be as I grieve her passing. 

My girlfriend at the time was visiting her friends and staying the night for a handful of days so that they could Lan party an update for a game that had just come out. When I told her about my dogs passing she was sympathetic and initially said she'd make plans to come home early and have someone pick her up as she doesn't drive. During that conversation I said that it was up to her if she wanted to come home early or not and that she could stay if she wanted. I wanted her to be able to enjoy the plans she had set and although I would have wanted her home during this difficult time for me, I didn't tell her so. 

She ended up choosing to stay another 36~ hours and play the game, and her choosing that over me is making me feel awful. I told her the night she came back and her immediate reaction is to shift blame on me saying that I had tricked her by saying it was her decision and that these were plans she had made for a long time with her friends so she couldn't just bail on them. The conversation kept getting more and more aggressive so I slept on the couch instead. 

I'm just wondering where I should go from here? What you all would feel or say in my shoes, and if I'm in the wrong by not being more upfront that I would have rather had her home to console me.","You told her yourself she didn't have to go back home, so she didn't. If you wanted her home, you should've told her you wanted her home instead of this ""if you want"" shit",""" I said that it was up to her if she wanted to come home early or not and that she could stay if she wanted.""  
You're not in the wrong but you should have been upfront and expressed your need for her to be there. She's isn't in the wrong either as her plans were made well in advance but could have a done better job of being a loving supporting partner & came home and comforted you, even if it was for just a few hours.   
That said, as a pet owner, I know how hard losing a pet is & you have my condolences for your loss. Having a few sessions with a grief therapist helps as does seeking online support from other bereaved pet owners found in animal/pet loss groups.  
Were I in your shoes, I would definitely start attending couples counseling sessions w/ a focus on helping the two of you ironing out expectations & improving communication.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
9,"i've (20F) been seeing this guy (20M) for a month now. we've both agreed we're looking for something casual cause he's only back home for the summer and i don't think i want to be in a relationship rn. we go on the best dates! and get along pretty well and it's been great so far. he also lost his virginity to me...which i didn't mind cause i was pretty new at the game, and we've gotten better together lol. it's been great.

now i catch feelings really easy, especially when im intimate with someone, but i've been trying to remind myself it's just casual/ just a summer fling. we don't talk everyday, usually save conversation for when we're together or only text when there's something to talk about. he's a very chill guy, super layed back so i can't really tell how he feels. and i'm a bit shy to ask him.

but it's starting to feel not so casual anymore, cause the sex is amazing, and the way he holds me and treats me & and just-omg, it doesn't feel like it's ""just sex"" or ""causal"" it feels like so much more, how am i not supposed to catch feelings? & sigh... am i being delusional? like where do i go from here?","i’ve been in a very similar situation before. long story short, if you are starting to catch feelings, and want to pursue something- in my opinion, speak up! on the other hand, if you want to stay casual, either keep going with the flow, or end things if it’s getting too serious.",It’s almost as of engaging in a bonding activity leads to…bonding,Practical Advice,Sarcasm,Comment 1,exploration
10,"For context, I’m an 18F from South Africa, and I went to an all girls school so I really don’t have a lot of experience with boys. 

I’m very close with my mother and grandmother and I trust their opinions. Recently though, they got on my case about the stretch marks on my thighs, hips and breasts. I got them because I didnt eat or exercise well as a child and my weight fluctuated a lot. They told me that I would feel embarrassed when I went to the beach because boys don’t find that attractive. I’ve come to terms with the marks on my thighs and hips but I’m still very self conscious about the ones on my breasts.

I’ve never kissed or dated a guy and want to know from the perspective of any guy that’s older than 16, are stretch marks something you guys pay attention to? 

And girls, should I look into like cosmetics and stuff to get rid of them or leave the marks as they are?","Your mother and grandmother should be deeply ashamed of themselves for making you feel bad about your body and planting this nonsense in your head.

Almost all women have stretch marks---it has nothing to do with eating and exercising, they occur in most skin type when hips and breasts rapidly develop. Some lessen over time and others don't. And men get stretch marks too. It's not a big deal. The vast majorty of men don't give the slightest fuck about stretch marks, they're just happy to be seeing a woman in any state of undress and they're thinking about a lot of things but NOT strech marks. 

Next time your mother and grandmother try to undermine your confidence you tell them you're sorry they hate their own bodies so much but you love your body just as it is and you walk away. This is THEIR problem. DO  NOT own their shit.

You are fine just as you are.","I have personally never been turned off by stretch marks. I don't think those are a big concern for looks. I care much more about other things: Like, are you fit and healthy now? That's way more important.

Remember also that men aren't a monolith. Most won't care but some men might. You want to find a good match. It's not important that every man on the planet finds you attractive. You just need a portion of them to find you attractive. And that is quite likely.",Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 1,exploration
11,"Hi guys my boyfriend of 4 years confessed to me that he cheated on me on 1st year of our relationship.
He said he wants to marry but he couldn't start it without keeping this secret and he bursted out in tears.
He said he was scared because he had past bad relationship and when he was falling in love with me it scared him so he went out and had sex with someone else after that he felt disgusted and hated him and knew I was the one.
He thought keeping it secret would keep relationship safe but he couldn't keep it anymore as it was killing him.

I don't know how to feel I am confused and don't know if I even know him.He said that's the only thing he ever kept secret. The image of him with other women and named makes me sick and disgusted. Also I don't want to throw away 4 years of relationship and good memory.","What a dumb excuse for cheating. ""Oh I cheated cause I just loved you to much."" Chester's cheat. Hell do it again. Leave. He literally went ""oh I knew I didn't want anyone else after having someone else"" like wtf","Reddit has taught me you either go to individual therapy and couples counseling to see if you can get over his betrayal and he can understand why he cheated, (prob get better communication skills as a bonus too) or you break up.  On the plus side, it was one time and he feels guilt. 

Also better to decide before a marriage and kids (and def have a prenup where you get more money if he cheats, or whatever the standard clause is so he is clear on the consequences of any future betrayal).  Prenups are love - you want both people to be treated fairly even if you grow apart in the marriage. If he wont consider a prenup, which is a benefit to both people, then ex. 

4 yrs out of 80yr isnt really a waste. You grew as a person in this relationship, hopefully for the better. So if it was 1 yr or 4 yr, don't let that sway what your gut tells you. Will you be able to trust he won't cheat 1 months from now, 1 year from now, 10yrs from now. And what actions can he and you take to have trust again.",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,exploration
12,My boyfriend m (37) and I f (44) are going to drop acid (psychedelic) tonight and I wondered if anybody had any ideas of some activities we could do to enhance this experience?,I’d ask in r/acid,ER afterwards?,Practical Advice,Sarcasm,Comment 1,exploration
13,"
To try and keep this is short as possible I’ve been seeing a girl on and off for 6 months over the last month or two I felt it becoming more serious. However the problem is her feelings towards me change constantly from telling me she wants to go on dates to saying she couldn’t see her dating me. Saying she’s over her Ex ( two year relationship) to that she doesn’t know if it’s over between them. For whatever reason I can’t bring myself to live the situation so I’m really stuck on what to do if I just wait out and see or try no contact even though we speak for hours every day. Just need advice on what I should do.
","You're 20. Don't waste your time, move on. Why get yourself caught up in such mindless drama at your age?",I'd stay away from her until she figures her shit out.,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
14,"Hello everyone,

My partner (F23) of 6 months currently brags about their sex life with their ex and how they would « make her cry by fingering her so good », how many times they would have sex per day/week, and how long it would last. I (F23) can’t be fingered because or vaginismus and sometimes i force myself to ask my partner to finger me because I feel shitty and stupid compared to their ex. 
My partner never made a single comment on my vaginismus and stop when I tell them It hurts me when we try. When we have sex it is good, but then they would go talking about their ex. 

I don’t know what to do because it makes me feel like crap. It’s my first lesbian relationship. 
I need advice on how I should manage this situation please. Should I try to manage my jealousy or should I break up since it’s hurting me so bad ?

Please remember i don’t want anyone to receive hate

Thank you xx",Break up. There is no reason to date someone who treats you like this.,"Yeah as soon as anyone would ""brag"" about how good sex was with an Ex I'm out 

I'd be like ok go back to them then if they're on your mind this much",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
15,"I've never dated anyone who hasn't cheated on me or looked at other girls in that way. I feel like this is the norm nowadays. But I know I'd never have to worry about him cheating, he's truly in love with me and I love that. Plus he wants to do everything for me, make sure I'm happy, wants to make me comfortable and do things I want. Except he doesn't like me talking to male friends we are both friends with, or even go out by myself with my female friends.

I know it's not much to go off of but I would like to know some opinions on that alone. The best princess treatment, I've only seen in movies and books but extremely jealous...","He’s not in love with you after “a little over a month”, that’s absurd - google lovebombing

And he’s isolating you from your friends after only a few weeks. That’s about as big a red flag as I can think of

I would run away screaming from this guy","> I've never dated anyone who hasn't cheated on me or looked at other girls in that way. I feel like this is the norm nowadays.

No, it's not. There are plenty of men out there who are faithful.

> . Except he doesn't like me talking to male friends we are both friends with, or even go out by myself with my female friends.

Set boundaries, tell him that if he doesn't trust you, you're not a good match.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
16,"My (25F) boyfriend (30M) is from another country. He’s currently traveling back to his home country to go to a friend’s wedding. Our relationship is relatively new and he already had his itinerary for the trip planned, so that’s why I didn’t go with him. He also already had a date to the wedding. His friend of 8 years, we’ll call her Emily. 

Emily has tried to get with him before. Back when he got engaged to his first wife. He has since divorced the wife, and has not gone to Emily. 

For this trip, he explained to me that they were just friends and that he firmly laid out boundaries. I didn’t mind. I’m relatively secure in myself. He can have a friend date to a wedding. That doesn’t bother me. He told me that he hasn’t bragged about his new relationship to her because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, but she knows he’s in a relationship. 

Even still she has firmly communicated that she wants to sleep with him. 

Now he’s there and he let it slip that they are staying in the same hotel room. I didn’t know this so it blindsided me. He says he thought he told me before. Maybe but I don’t know. Apparently they each have their own bedroom and bathroom so they’re separate. 

Not only that, but they’re sharing a hotel from Saturday to Monday. I thought he had his own hotel and was just hanging out with her for hikes and then the wedding. 

I don’t know what to do with this information. I’m very attached to this relationship but it’s new. I want to trust him but not be dumb. 

He apologized to me and told me he would try to repair. Whatever I needed. I don’t know what to say to that. Originally he was avoiding calling me in front of her to spare her feelings. I told him to call me tonight from the hotel. Not blasting it in front of her face but making sure I exist. I don’t know what to do. What do I say?

Tldr - my boyfriend is on a foreign country staying in a hotel with a woman (who we know wants to sleep with him) for 3 days and I don’t know what to do. ","“Oh I thought I already told you…” 

He’s lying and just trying to cover his ass after letting it slip.",">I want to trust him but not be dumb.

You are being kind of dumb.

He has proof that she historically wanted to sleep with him. They're going to a wedding as a ""friend date"". Sharing a hotel room and drinking.

If you consider any of that acceptable, you're setting yourself up to end up with guys like him.

This shouldn't have even been a discussion.

He should know better that sharing a hotel room with someone who wants to bang you, that's disrespectful to your relationship.

And you're eating all this up:

* He told me that he hasn’t bragged about his new relationship to her because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.
* Originally he was avoiding calling me in front of her to spare her feelings.

He's hiding you from her.

Why? Because the interest is there.

I would break up with anyone on the spot if they asked me to sleep in the same hotel room with a ""friend"" that wanted to bang. How brain dead can you be to think another would be remotely okay with this.

Your innocence is being taking advantage of.",Commentator's opinion,Hurtful,Comment 1,exploration
17,"I'm (M25) about to get married to F20 and I'm kinda stressed about being able to get it up in the bedroom - we'll be losing our virginity on the wedding night.

My friend is a doctor and I told him about my stress, and asked him if Viagra was an option for me. He said just buy Viagra Connect from the pharmacy without a prescription and keep it at the bedside table for peace of mind so I know I have a ""backup option"".

So I bought a pack of 50mg Viagra Connect and tested one out just to see if it would actually work (it did).

I have two questions which made me post this to see if I can get some answers:

1. Would it be weird/off-putting to a girl if I took this Viagra connect on my wedding night? I'm planning on being completely upfront with my wife, explaining to her that I'm nervous and a medical professional recommended this to me. I don't plan on using it my entire life, just the rare ""special occasions"" like this so that I have that extra confidence boost.
2. I don't know how you're supposed to get an erection with your wife in the first place. Does she just touch my penis until it gets big and then I perform the intercourse? This always confused me because I hear people online saying they can get one just by looking at a girl, etc. - but that never happens to me. Very rarely do I get an erection by thinking of something and not touching myself.

TL;DR - I'm nervous about losing my virginity on my wedding night and don't know how intimacy works.","You definitely need to have a conversation with your partner about this, and tell her your worries. Personally, I wouldn’t take the viagra straight away on your wedding night when you’re about to get into sex. 

The build up to intercourse should get you excited and erect. And by build up I mean making out, touching each other, giving each other foreplay first. You definitely shouldn’t go straight into intercourse without giving each other abit of foreplay beforehand because your partner won’t get excited enough and won’t be aroused and will make intercourse painful for her, especially since it’ll be her first time.","For your number one, I'm going to be honest, if she's as ill-informed as you are about human sexuality, she may misunderstand and think you depend on the pills. I would take it because it helps your confidence and not mention it to her.

For number two, you need to focus on romance and foreplay. Recognize that at least half of women don't have an orgasm from just penis in vagina sex; they need clitoral stimulation. Focus on making her feel good; If she's not really wet, she's not ready.

Don't worry about your boner. It will be there when you need it.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
18,"I’m already 32 and I’m the perpetually single friend. I’ve had a bit of a bad streak with dating, everyone I meet and date either aren’t interested, emotionally unavailable or something else getting in the way such as moving overseas for work. 

Keen to hear from formerly perpetually single people who eventually settled. How did you keep sane and going? I feel like a failure for being this late in life still not having someone to come home to. ","I just turned 33 and ended my nearly 5 year relationship because I realized our values aren’t aligned and I was worried if we took the next step I would feel like I settled. Prior to this I was single for 5 years. Now I am working on not repeating this same mistake, listening to the dating intentionally podcast has been helpful to feel hopeful again about re-entering the dating world. Don’t settle.","I’m 32 and super single too! You’re not a failure and definitely not alone in this. There are hard days where I feel very lonely and other days where I feel so hopeful that this great life I created for myself will be shared with my person. Each new day is full of possibilities, you can meet the man of your dreams tomorrow. Just keep your heart open and never ever settle! The right person is out there and will be everything you dreamed of plus more ❤️",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,exploration
19,"My friend didn’t show up to my birthday party. I planned it about two weeks ago and she came to my house in the morning before my party to do her hair and she said she is going to a cricket match with her friend so she might be a bit late. So i said thats ok. I got to my party and i told the rest of my friends that she will be late (there was only four of us and we had gone to an arcade). Half way through the arcade she didn’t come and i tried calling her and sending her messages. Then i had dinner reservations and we all went for dinner and I still hadn’t her from her. 

We finished at 10:30 and i was home by 11pm. And as I was walking home from the train station she called me and she said she went to the after party for the match with her friend and didn’t realise the time. At that point she had asked if she could stay over at my house because it was almost midnight and there were no trains back to her house late at night. I didn’t feel comfortable for her to have no where to stay as it was getting late. So she ended up staying over. I’m not sure whether this is ok. I did find it a bit rude that she didn’t make an effort to come to my party but then asked to stay over at my house. I don’t know if i should just distance myself from her? 

Her grandma also passed away a few weeks ago and her family lives abroad and i took time out to take her to the airport as well as pick her up from the airport too. And also on her birthday she wanted to go away for a few days and I took time off from work to celebrate with her. ",This is not a friend,"She’s very selfish. Trust your gut, she’s a taker.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,exploration
20,"Last night during dinner, my husband (40m)and I (43f) were talking about another couple in his family and their financial situation. Mostly because of my curiosity about how their situation works because the wife doesn’t have a job.

In the course of that conversation, my husband said very casually “we could replace your contribution to the family for $36,000.” He then went on to elaborate that there’s a range between about $34,000 and $39,000 that he values as my financial value to the household.

I have a six figure job.

He pays our mortgage, utilities, and all the subscriptions like the streaming networks and club memberships and annual pass stuff for the kid. 

I pay for our groceries, our kid’s daycare, and our health insurance. We each pay our own debt. Mine is in student loans. His is in business financing and personal credit cards. We each pay for one vacation per year.

I said “i don’t think that’s right. I’m the one putting money into a 401k, I pay my student loans.”

He said “sure. But those are your accounts. Both are pre-marital and I’m talking about money that benefits the family. What I’d have to replace if we didn’t have your income.”

Should I be worried about divorce?

He knows, off the top of his head, what he’d have to do to replace me and he didn’t figure taking my debt into account.

I sometimes wonder about our finances because we’ve never consolidated. We each have our own checking and savings. Our credit cards are separate, except one of my Christmas gifts was an Amex card on his account so I could get the travel perks when we’re traveling separately. About once a month he shows me his financials, usually his credit score, debts, and cash on hand. But we never talk about a budget. He’s never asked to see mine. Sometimes he will make reference to the fact that I’m over investing in my 401k and IRA because he sees them when he does our taxes.

Our marriage hasn’t been great in a while. I’m working on it and got some good advice from this community. But I’d never really thought he might surprise me with a divorce until last night.

Is it odd that he knew that number off the top of his head? Should I be worried that he’s got a plan that so easily severs me from our family?

TLDR: my husband seems to have a plan to live without me. Should I be worried he’s planning to leave?







","If doesn’t sound like a plan with intent. He’s just done the math because your relationship hasn’t been great.

There is a difference between knowing what you would do and wanting to do it.

Additionally, you both live like single people being married. So it makes his math easier to him. 

No point worrying because it won’t change anything.  Focus on the relationship where you can.","Do you feel able to talk to him about this? Perhaps ask him how he's feeling in the marriage, express your concern about what he said?",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
21,"So I’ve been on two dates with this girl.


We hit it off instantly, make each other laugh heaps, share interests, and there’s undeniable chemistry. It’s really rare that I meet someone so gorgeous that I connect with so well, and so naturally I’m super into her. 

After our last date she made clear she’d be busy for the next several days. Fair enough. Up to this point, all signs were good. 

Here’s the thing. We were having a casual conversation over text after, and I asked her a pretty  casual question (how was work?). It’s been two days with no response. One part of me thinks this is no big deal, and the other is freaking out because it’s possible I’m being ghosted. 

On one hand, she did say she was busy and all other signs point to stuff being fine. 

On the other, two days is a pretty long time and she’s been viewing my instagram stories and stuff so it’s not like she’s not on her phone. 

Generally my attitude is “if they wanted to they would” but damn. I just really want to keep seeing her and I’d be so bummed if this turned out to be a ghost situation. 

What do we think? I absolutely hate double texting so I’m going to just wait and see if she replies, but I’m just not sure if this is cause for alarm. 

Cheers ","I’m a woman, and when I get busy, I pause on texting because I need to
Focus.  I’d say don’t be alarmsd","Viewing Instagram stories or scrolling on your phone is passive, answering questions and texting is not. Sometimes people don't have the mental energy for a conversation and may put it off. Give it some time to see if she replies or not.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
22,So I have a friend with benefits. We were friends before we hooked up. We first slept together last Sunday. We hung out all week except two days. I told him I liked him and he said he liked me too… though he said he didn’t want anything serious and was resistant. I asked him to come over yesterday and he said he was tired. That makes sense because he worked all day. I am wondering if I should see if he wants to come over tonight. Should I wait for him to text or just go ahead and text him?,You say FWB but sounds like you want a relationship lol,"Girl don’t do it!!! This isn’t a friends w benefits. You already have feelings and he told you he doesn’t want anything serious, do you really want to go down the road to a situationship??",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
23,"Just as the title says. 

This is one of the reasons I broke up with him, but my ex boyfriend shared it with his friends after he said he wouldn’t. I asked him not too. 

The picture was focused on my chest. He was in it too. His face was showing, and his hands were covering my n*pples. You can see the rest of my chest though, and the picture was when we were having sex. 

I’m obviously hurt, and feel disrespected for disregard of my privacy, but I can’t help to feel like I’m wavering back and forth between having a perfectly valid response to a nude being shared without my consent or if I overreacted - sometimes I think to myself that “you can’t even see my n*pples, so no big deal.” 

The relationship is over, and I’m not going back, but I just need some validation that this is a huge deal breaker. ",It is a deal breaker. You are right to feel this way.,"That’s super, super shitty and grounds for breakup. Any guy that that is ok violating that level of trust with their girlfriend isn’t deserving of a girlfriend. 

Also, it’s always wise, early in the relationship to state your position on these matters. As sad as that is to say.",Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
24,"this guy (M 20) that im talking to (F 20) told me that when he was a teenager he cheated on his girlfriend at the time. i’m not sure if i want to continue talking to him. he said he has complete remorse and that he was just a teenager, and that loyalty is one of the most important pieces in a relationship. does cheating in your teens once, mean you’ll cheat again in future adult relationships?","No, I cheated in my 20’s. I deeply regret it and learned a lot about myself and life afterwards.","this is why anyone who ever cheated don't ever talk about it or admit it

this is why in general guys don't open up or admit any flaws. 

where most guys will be compassionate about mistakes most girls do in the past, this doesn't seem to be the case the other way around

if someone cheated and they understand what they did was wrong and have figured out why they went that route and how a different path was better they are in a good position. 

if you don't think people ever change then why are we even talking about mental health and going to therapists to ""heal trauma"" would just be a giant waste of time.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
25,"I've been in a happy relationship with a guy for almost a year now, we've been known each other for much longer. His ex broke up with him last summer but presumably he got over her before we started dating. We did not have any problems so far, we talked about his past relationship numerous times and he made sure he is over her. I did not see any red flags or anything, he didn't mention her or anything, I didn't see him looking at her profile or so. In short, nothing concerning 

However, recently, we have been cleaning the house and he found a postcard she wrote him for his bday. He put in in the folder. I asked him if he wants to throw it away and he told me that he keeps all the letters and cards from his exes and never throws them away. However, he said he doesn't reread them, go over them etc, just does not throw them away. I know that I should not judge people by myself but if I know that I don't want to read it, why keep it? I feel kinda uncomfortable knowing that there is a folder somewhere in the box with all the romantic things his exes were writing him but I can't make him throw it away too. 

I asked him what the reason is for that and he seems like he doesn't know himself, he keeps saying ""I am doing it since high school and I don't want to change my tradition"". He compared it to not deleting the conversation with your exes, he said ""well you did not delete it, didn't you? But it is equally personal as the cards, isn't it?"" I did not know how to react, the chat does not feel the same as the love letters of course but... I dont know what to think, is it my issue or problem that I am worried about it? Should I just accept?","You should not do anything. Keeping letters or cards from an old girlfriend doesn’t mean he’s still loves them, it just means that he values what they gave him and the time he spent with them. Looking at old love letters where a past partner complemented him might boost his self-esteem. keeping old love letters is way healthier than having to burn everything given to you in a relationship once it’s over. 

If things are good in your relationship and you want to continue, maybe you should ask him what he values about letters/cards. Maybe you should write him notes/letters/cards for birthdays, telling him what you love about him.","It's totally personally opinion.  I have everything all my ex's ever gave me; it doesn't mean anything at all and I don't even look at them specifically, just come across them occasionally when looking for something else.  They have happy memories associated with them, even though the relationships have ended (which I am eternally glad about).

Unless he gives you a specific reason to be suspicious I really wouldn't worry about it.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
26,"Actually, I (F53) know the answer; I just have to cut this off. But still I have doubts. So please provide your advice with explanation.



I went on 2 dates with a man who, in theory, was a good fit for me. What are red flags for me; he (51) has never been in a relationship and I found out yesterday that he doesn't seem to have any friends either.



I also got the feeling that he was trying to pressure me to quickly schedule a new date with him after the first date by indicating that he had a date with another woman but that he wanted a second date with me first. I then said that if he wanted to date someone else, he should do so. But I don't think there was anyone else.



But the problem is mainly that he is terribly physical. Within 10 minutes of the first date he was constantly seeking physical contact. Sitting too close to me (read: sitting against me), touching my hair, shoulders, arms, sitting and things like that. And his talking mainly consisted of giving me compliments, which is also awkward. When saying goodbye he also tried to go a little further, but I was able to hold that off.



Now we went to a festival together. First he introduced me to his parents (he still lives at home) and we had a drink with them, which I thought was strange for the second date. At the party itself I was more concerned with guarding my boundaries than enjoying the music. He was constantly touching me, pulling me against him, trying to press my buttocks against his crotch, etc. Very uncomfortable. If I pushed him away, he would stay away from me for a moment and then sit next to me again. And just keep giving compliments. I was dreading the moment of saying goodbye and sure enough... he immediately pushed his tongue deep into my mouth. I abruptly pushed him away and said that he was going way too fast and that he should slow down so I can relax too. He indicated that perhaps he wanted it too much.



In retrospect I should have said something different; His behavior on both dates doesn't make me feel safe with him. The fact that I dread saying goodbye because I'm afraid he will assault or even rape me is an important sign. He can say that he accepts a No, but his behavior says otherwise.



So another question; What should I say to him in a text to make it clear to him that I don't want to date him anymore? I hope he can learn something from it.","This is a hard one because he sounds incredibly lonely. On one hand, you kinda want to help the guy out on what Not to do on a date. He definitely needs some dating advice. But he also needs to find someone who will love him for who he is... even if it's a bit on the creepy side. 

People tend to push their own needs on to others... he needs affection,physical touch, and words of affirmation. I don't think you speak the same love language, and that's a good enough reason and a gentle letdown.",Tell him it’s not about accepting a “no” to stop but getting a “yes” to start. He’s not entitled to touch someone everywhere and anywhere because they accepted a date.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
27,"Sorry, this is my first post.

We've been together for 8 months now, long distance. I was diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD on December 2022. I let her know of my disorders and she seemed pretty understanding, telling me that it didn't matter. It's important to acknowledge she has BPD.

But now I feel like I'm ruining our relationship due to my disorders. The main problem is me ignoring her. Sometimes I'll just be spoken to and I won't realize, or I won't understand that I'm supposed to respond. This has been going on since we started dating.

It barely ever happens when we're alone, but when other people are present it gets way worse. I'll just forget that I'm part of the conversation unless I'm spoken to and reminded plenty of times that I'm supposed to speak.

I've tried reminding myself in a variety of ways, but it always happens again.

We've had plenty of arguments about it, I always promise I'll change but I just end up doing it again.

Today I think it's her last straw. I ignored her again because I didn't know how to respond to what she said.

I understand it triggers her a lot because of past trauma, but I really can't help it, it's beyond me.

I honestly don't understand if there's something im doing wrong. I want it to work, but I just feel like I'm ruining everything with things that I can't do anything about.

Is there any way I can stop this from happening?

tl;dr: im ruining my relationship by ignoring my partner because of my autism and i dont know how to fix it","so i wouldn’t say your ruining your relationship, but it’s important to acknowledge that autism is going to make relationships atypical. 

my bf is/was the same way, we had our share of fights about it too. it took understanding on both of our parts to finally reach a “happy” place. i put happy in quotes bc bc when i have to give him room to be quiet, i can get annoyed and it’s tough to keep it together yk? but we both work at it, right? when i see hes frozen up, i start to ask questions he can answer like “do you need a minute to think” or like asking him to just say the 1st things that come to mind and just kind of working together from there((even if im pissed)). i just have to take a step back and listen to him and figure out what’s next.

he’s got a bad problem w going mute and not listening when he just doesn’t know what to say to/about a situation or when he’s focused, and that got old after like the 1st year together. i’m a human at the end of the day, and it felt dehumanizing to be shut out like that. he listened to me when i brought it up and asked how to be more attentive, and just kinda tried harder over the years? im sure it took A LOT of personal work for him to start trying to make changes to a p ingrained behavior, but he’s definitely changed and like noticeably? it wasn’t instant by any means! like we’re about to hit 6 years in august and im sure it’s happened a handful of times, but now when he’s feeling overwhelmed or stuck he says that or asks what i need, instead of nothing. we only argue a handful of times a year so communication is really the key.",Are you on meds or anything? You should consider therapy. It’s good you’re putting in efforts to change instead of being ignorant and inconsiderate,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
28,"So, there's this young woman in the dance class I've been taking for a few weeks. She is very nice and pretty and I really like her. The problem is, I think she's way out of my league. I'm 21 years old and still in the middle of my bachelor's degree and far from finishing it. I don't have a lot of money, I look average and I'm not particularly stable in life. The young woman, on the other hand, is 23 years old, two years older than me (I think most women don't like younger men). She is currently completing her master's degree and is otherwise very stable in life. Nevertheless, we get along well, even if we have only had purely platonic conversations so far. The conversations don't just come from me, she also often initiates conversations and asks questions. I think that means at least that she doesn't find me completely repulsive. My concern, however, is that she sees me more as a little brother than as a potential partner (I'm not only younger but also smaller than her). I've never asked a girl out before, so I'm very afraid to ask her. I'm afraid that it will come across as strange and ruin the atmosphere between us and in the course. Do I even have a chance with her or should I concentrate on myself and be stable in life before I look for a partner?","sure there are times when we can say, we're not in a good spot to be dating or be in a relationship.  but usually that refers to emotional health or financial situation.  and even with a financial hardship, there are still people who can meet and date and do activities together, as long as you both do things within your budget.

and even people who are not ready emotionally or mentally, still date and find partners too.  
what you described about yourself, is totally fine to be getting out there and looking for a partner.  they just might somehow sabotage their own relationship but at least they're still looking and getting some.

a good chance to ask her out is when the class is almost over.  say something like ""hey it was fun talking to you, i'd like to get your contact info and ask you out sometime""

be explicit with the asking out , instead of something potentially neutral like ""hanging out"" or ""catch up sometime"" so that you can know if she's interested or not.  if she's not, no biggie, just move on.

it would be worse to still be seeing her outside of the class and still be interested in her but not knowing for sure if she's interested in you, in the case that neither one of you makes a definitive move or in the case that she actually does think of you as a little brother and is OK to meet you but you're over here thinking when can you hold her hand or kiss her.","The only way you will know is to ask her out.  If you want to catch fish you need to go fishing.  You have just as good a chance as anyone else.  If you don’t shoot your shot I can tell you rn your chance is zero.  

If you’re concerned about potential awkwardness wait until the last class to ask her out.  Keep it simple. Ask her if she wants to get coffee or drink after class.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
29,I’m (m)17 after a month of talking with her I thought she was the one she was perfect we had everything in common but she started to not text me often so I asked if she still liked me she told me I’m a good person but she doesn’t see me in her future cause she’s always busy could I still get her back if I give her time and come back? ,"Find someone else bro who values you, life’s to short to wait on people. Go live your life and if it’s meant to be she’ll be back",No. She said she didn't see you in her future but it's not because she's that busy. People make time for people they care about. So she was partially honest. She doesn't see you in her future because you're not her type and she wanted to let you down as easily as possible. You need to move on even though it hurts.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
30,"Hi,

I (23m) know that this topic is often discussed here. 

There is a woman in my courses, and we have exchanged a few words. I really enjoy our conversations, so I messaged her if she would like to meet up for a cup of coffee, and she agreed immediately. I haven't communicated this as a date. Would it be appropriate to give her some flowers when we meet, as a nice gesture? I don't want to rush things.

I've never had a date before, so any advice from your side would be helpful :)","Personally, no, don’t bring flowers. Wait until the relationship becomes more established and intimate before bringing gifts such as flowers for her.","No, not on a coffee date",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
31,"context: my boyfriend has a problem watching porn. we've discussed this in the past. he's into some really fringe stuff that i find absolutely disturbing and disgusting. i told him it makes me uncomfortable that he's watching that kind of porn while we're together especially bc he hid it from me in the beginning. i originally he was into that stuff by accident. i found it by looking through his reddit account after he sent me post. he told me it was a fetish he used to have but went away. a few months later, i found more of that porn that was viewed recently. i was so hurt he lied to me and i was disgusted by the images i saw. it nearly ended our relationship but i said id give him another chance if he promised to not watch porn of any kind. we talked about it and concluded he may have a porn addiction. i gave him the opportunity to tell me if he was struggling with it, to tell me first and i wouldn't be mad or leave him. basically while i was grossed out by his taste, i was mainly hurt that he lied to me for months. i even asked him multiple times through the follow months how he was doing and if he was okay. he always said it was easy and he wasn't struggling at all. then yesterday we were talking and i looked through his internet history, and i found that damn subreddit in his recently viewed. i know im shitty for going threw his history but i had been burned before and my intuition was telling me something was wrong. i turned the phone towards him and asked why that was there and he instantly started denying it and begging me to stay with him. but i yelled at him and told him to give me space and shut the door on his face. i haven't spoke to kin since. i don't know what to do, ive just been cry v all day. i feel so betrayed and confused. i can't look at him the same way, i can't even think about him the same way. where do i go from here? i don't know how to forgive him or if i even want to. all trust is gone. the first time nearly broke me, i don't deserve this and i don't want to break up with him but im starting to think that the only option

tldr: my boyfriend lied to me about watching what i consider deprived porn... again. i feel betrayed and hurt","How to end a relationship! If you don’t want him doing it behind your back, let him be more flexible. Because you said no, he wants to see if he can get away with it. Allow the watching & it won’t be as fun.",You set boundaries about what you are willing to accept and what you won’t accept and he broke those. Time to end things.,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
32,"Should I tell this girl (18F) that her bf (24M) cheated on her with me (21F)?

So I (21F) was talking to this guy (24M) I was head over heels for a couple of months. As context, I had been crushing on this guy for about a year before we started talking and flirting with each other so I was really into him.  There was definitely something strange and I had an intuition that something was off, but I really liked him so I brushed it off. I found out that he had a girlfriend (18F) by accident and confronted him about this past winter. Initially he kind of brushed it off, asked what I was talking about. But eventually he kind of admitted to it and tried saying that we were only friends so it didn’t matter and pretending nothing ever happened between us. It was very strange and I didn’t really know how to feel about it. We didn’t talk for a couple months after that.


Fast forward to a couple months ago, we started talking again in a friendly matter. At this point, I didn’t really see a problem in being platonic with him, so we were just friendly. But he started to flirt again. I initially assumed (stupidly) that things between him and his gf must have fizzled out. As it turns out, he was still involved with her, but still flirts with me constantly. It’s a very strange feeling and I don’t really know what to do.

I still care about him and I don’t think he’s a terrible guy, just a bit of a player. I don’t know if I should tell the girl and send her screenshots. On one hand, I’m afraid of losing him since I really do care about him. On the other hand, I do feel bad for this girl and I think she deserves to know.

What’s the best course of action?

","I think you should ignore him and move on. He clearly has a girlfriend, and hasn’t broke it off with her. Don’t be the side chick that’s a big no no but when it comes to telling the gf, you could, but you don’t know if she might still stay with him. There’s plenty of other guys in the sea that are mature and honest. And don’t hide their gf lol","This man is worth losing. He doesn’t respect you or his girlfriend. Someone who respects you shouldn’t put you in a position like this in the first place. If they did, if they respected you, they surely wouldn’t put you in this position twice. That tells you his character, & you should believe what he’s shown you. 

It’s fair to tell his girlfriend, but she’s young (& even people decades older do this) so I’d be prepared for her to A) not leave him B) blame you.",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 1,exploration
33,"ok so there’s this guy at my gym who i have been crushing on for a while now. we would pretty much have the same exact workout schedule and would see each other 24/7. we would park close to each other, and make-prolonged- eye contact. so one day i finally got the courage to go up to him as we were both leaving and give him a compliment about his car (bc it was obvious he’d modified it). his response wasn’t that great. he said “oh ok thank you” not rude, not overly nice, just kinda neutral. after that i was pretty defeated. its been about a month since then and ever since he has not stopped looking at me. at first i was very harsh on myself like “omg why did i do that, there’s no way he would’ve liked me” (based off his answer) but now idk we make eye contact so much that i could be standing still, but if he’s walking his eyes are following me the whole time… he gives off a shy vibe for sure from what I’ve gathered and now looking back on our interaction, i think i caught him off guard? but also why hasn’t he came up to me, if ive already opened that door for him too… maybe i wasn’t direct enough, and is it potentially worth it to risk trying again? all in all, i feel like if he was completely repulsed by me, he wouldn’t be staring at me so much? idk i go back and forth, i just don’t want to get it wrong.","As a dude I genuinely don’t know how to react sometimes when I’m not expecting a compliment or attention, especially at the gym/grocery store etc where I’m doing my own thing. He might also be into you but just gets shy. 

Maybe give him a bit to see if he warms up to you, if it’s been a week or two or whatever I say shoot your shot again. Not much to lose here imo","You probably caught him off guard. Maybe he’s shy. This same thing kinda happened with my gym crush. I was heading inside one day as he was leaving the gym and I complemented his tattoo, because we both really like the same band and all he said was “Thank you” without smiling. Looking back, I realize that I was nervous when I said it and didn’t give him enough time to say much else. I was rushing in and as soon as I complimented him, I put my headphone back in lol.. 

You’re right. If someone wasn’t interested, they wouldn’t be looking at you or in your direction so much. Especially at the gym. If he wasn’t at least slightly interested, any time you’d look at him or in his direction, he’d be completely focused on his work out and your eyes would rarely meet",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
34,"Please read!! 

I F20 and my bf M20 have been together for almost 2 years now and also have a 6 month old baby..

Before moving in together we had a good sex life (looking back now it was mainly while we were drunk on weekends), we moved in together a few months into my pregnancy and all was good. We still had regular sex up until a few weeks before the birth of our baby. Since then I would say I could count how many times we’ve done it on both hands. I constantly feel like I have to beg for it and he always has an excuse! Since moving in together I’ve had a funny feeling about something and thought he might be cheating to which he denied. 

A few weeks ago I went on his phone as I’ve never been able to shake this feeling, I look on his history of Reddit and it was 95% filled with “femboys” porn and girls with dicks! I had a look again tonight and it was filled with the same!!! I thought the first time he might be gay or bisexual but I talked myself down and told myself he must be having a joke with the boys?!… but since coming across all that again I really think he might be. How do I know for certain or am I just being nieve? How do I address this? I need help!!","Hes most likely bi sexual and was embarrassed to share that with you. 
The question is ... is this a deal breaker for you? Be warned tho.. how you choose to approach this will set the tone for the rest of your relationship.",I don't think means gay. We talk open and share everything but one thing he won't even play along with is anything at all with another guy but we found out in one fantasy hot babe with huge tool and that way she has girl stuff and I have.....just huge cocks. Lol.ake sense,Emotional Support,Not Relevant,Comment 1,exploration
35,"
I (M) am getting married and we’re waiting till marriage. 

I’ll admit my sex education is very poor, nobody ever taught me when I was a kid and I had to Google everything myself.

What I’m about to ask may sound like common sense, but please keep in mind I’m a virgin, I’ve never sexually touched a woman before, and I guess I’m worrying quite a lot about this: 

When a man is with a girl and he wants to perform PIV, how does he get an erection? 

1) I’m told by various sources that as a young man in his 20s, I should be able to get it up just by looking at a girl … I don’t think this has ever happened to me. 

2) I don’t know if this is true or not, but I heard from a lot of people that masturbating a lot causes you to condition yourself to only get erect by stroking yourself, which is why I’m not able to get one just by looking at a girl - is this true? If a woman stroking a man’s penis is normal to get him an erection, then I’d feel a lot better knowing this is how you’re supposed to get erect.

3) If I want to take Viagra as a one time confidence booster on my wedding night, then I should hide it from my wife and not let her know, since “she will be traumatised that her newly wed husband has to take medicine to get it up for her” - is this really true? I was planning on being open with my wife since I assumed communication and not hiding anything is healthy. 

Tl;dr Can I please just get an answer to the above 3 points and a comprehensive guide on how this all works and what a man and woman need to do to get the man ready for sex.



","Are you allowed to talk about sex before marriage?

Most people who wait till marriage are rock hard just holding hands with their fiancé. Does the idea of sex get you excited?

If you don’t masturbate and you are straight, the idea of sex should cross your mind similar to the idea of your favorite food when you’re hungry. 

If this isn’t the case, maybe you REALLY want to have that conversation with this woman before you get spiritually bound to her for life.","Sex is a beautiful expression of love. I waited as well. 

It's normal to be nervous about your first time. Your fiance is also nervous as well. 

Instead of focusing so much on the mechanics of sex, focus on the meaning and why you're having sex in the first place: to make each other feel special and loved. 

If you're going to be having sex, you have to get comfortable talking about sex with your partner/spouse. 

When you do actually have sex it likely could be a bit awkward the first few times, and that's okay. Have fun. Explore. 

The best sex is had between two people who enthusiastically consent and openly communicate before, during, and after sex about what makes them feel good, how they like to be touched, what excites them, and how excited they are to please their partner. 

If you're nervous or scared, talk to her about everything and ask her how she's feeling. 

Remember, sex isn't just about PIV, getting an erection, or ejaculation. It starts way before it gets to that point. Making yourself and your partner feel stimulated, flirting, foreplay, etc. all start before you ever get to the bedroom. 

Porn is not sex, and it is not a healthy way to prepare for sex with your wife.  

This might be a good article to help you:

[10 Tips From a Sex Therapist ](https://www.healthline.com/health/advice-from-sex-therapist-common#10.-Prioritize-your-time)",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
36,"I (28m) went on a date over the weekend with this guy (25m). We had a great time, chemistry was electric ect. After dinner we ended up going back to my house and watched a show I was talking about and cuddled. Throughout the night he mentioned multiple times about wanting to see each other again, wanting to cook for me, wanted me to show him one of favourite shows, things along those lines. He left, said we should catch up again soon, and I messaged after he left saying had a great time, again he said he hopes to see me soon. Said I’d love to, hoping he’d follow up with a when you free but he just liked the message and didn’t hear from him at all since.

It’s only been a day, but I’m used to almost constant convo with people I’m interested in/interested in me. He works a lot, so know he is a busy guy. When should I reach out again? Been a while since I’ve done the whole dating thing and this guy has different behaviours than previous people I’ve talked to.","Ideally, you should set up the second date DURING the first date, not after.","Dude, I guess that depends on how many other people you want to give a chance to be with her before you get back to her ! always  immediately",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
37,"I'm (21F) generally not one of the best looking people out there. I've never get any attention when I'm out and about at all actually. Very tall and skinny. My goals in life are to become a rich cat lady. And it would be very cool to find someone I really like but I don't think that will happen in this day and age. But I know it's important to date while your young so that's what I attempt to do. So I start using the dating apps. However my dilemma is when I tell someone I know I am going on a date or I have a partner, it is almost as if it's a joke or I'm lying. And yes this could mean they could just be shocked and suprised in a good way. But when the guys I do talk to or date eventually leave for some else, maybe it's true. I feel embarrassed in way thinking after going through the process of dating. It kinda just proves the point of why are you going on dates bruh when you look like this. They are right. ",Don’t let it get you down. Keep trying and someone will click,"Dating apps are shit. There's only weirdos and assholes on it. Find a some hobbies that make you in contact with guys. Become friends with them to enlarge your social circle until you meet someone proper. No need to mention you should maximize your appearance because I hope it's obvious. 

Your issue is that your generation stick too much on virtual shit. Back in my days, really ugly girls (which I bet you aren't, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned you not being attractive so casually...) still had plenty of partners. Because they still went out.",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
38,"Yo so for the past month and a half I've been talking to this girl, we've been calling every night since day one and we've been on a couple dates that went well. The thing is, since maybe the beginning of this week, she's started getting dry on calls, up until now she'd talk for hours on end non-stop, but now im finding myself starting most of the conversations and they aren't lasting long. Should I try calling less like not every single day, ig 'absence makes the heart yearn', or should I try talking to her. Or should I just give up and start talking to someone else?","First of all, the initial phase, the first couple of weeks or even up to 3 months, is often the moment things don't work out. I wouldn't invest that much, talk all the time, give that much attention to a girl, you have met a few times, a girl you know for a couple of weeks or months. Because, you don't know anything about her yet. And, as I said, that is often the stage where things break off again after just a few dates.

Furthermore, giving loads and loads of attention, talking daily, texting nonstop, talking on the phone for hours can quicky burn through an initial attraction. You soon become just a pan pal. And, you might have noticed, that a lot of women have a plethora of such 'guy friends'. Guys, and ppl at large, they talk to every day online or even offline.

And, you also wanna check if you survive the first couple of months with a girl to see if it and if she is even worth it to truly focus on her so much. Don't make chicks the center of your life, specially not right away. Overinvesting is often a good way to lose the attraction women initially had. Because, they experience that so often. 24/7. They basically drown in men's (sexual, or 'friendly') attention. Specially those women that are active on social media, insta and dating apps.

It also matters how you met a girl.

Women on dating apps are quite likely to not only talk to multiple men, but to meet and sleep with multiple men. If you 'approach' a woman online, e.g. on insta or match with her on tinder, then you have to assume, that she is talking to a variety of men, and most likely fucking at least one other guy on the side. So, to go full into the cliche: A woman active on insta and dating apps, preferably also tatts all over the body, and she likes to party and goes clubbing....

Let's just say, the probability that you will build anything serious with such a woman is low, to say it diplomatically.

And, a woman not (very) active on social media, is not on dating apps, has a private insta account, rather hangs out with 2 or 3 good friends and her family instead of going clubbing, has had maybe 1 to 3 long term boyfriends is potentially vastly more likely to focus on just one guy.

Hold your eyes open for that type of woman. The polite, friendly, humble, chill neighbor girl, no tatts, doesnt like partying, loves her family, doesn't fuck around and didnt jump from situationship to situationship and she knows she could get mass attentino from men online, but she doesn't want that and is looking for something more.

That's the type of woman you want, unless it is just sex. Then it doesn't matter, and then you prolly should focus on online dating, insta and clubs or nightlife in general.",[deleted],Practical Advice,Not Relevant,Comment 1,exploration
39,"Is it really as bad as it feels? I 'M35' have a girlfriend 'F30' . We've been together for 4 years, living together for 2, and we've got a 1-year-old daughter. She’s from another state, and we live here in X. Things ain't good between us anymore. Whenever I say something, share an idea, suggest we do something, or just talk in general, she talks down to me with a condescending and disrespectful tone. I've gotten mad, and she says I'm overreacting. I suggestd we go to therapy, but she says no, that I need to fix myself first. I don't feel much interest in her anymore 'cause she's so rude to me. Over the past 2 years, we've only been intimate 10 times, we don't do anything together, and she makes my work life harder. I work full-time and take care of our daughter in the afternoons since she neglects her 'cause she's stressed (she doesn't take care of her in the morning either; she convinced me to put her in daycare). I want to end the relationship, but I'm scared I won't see my daughter again, that she'll take her back to her home state or not let me see her. Is it really as bad as it seems to split up when you have a kid? Can y'all share your experiences with me?
","Depending on what state you live in, it’s against the law to remove the kid from some states. I would look up
Your state and see what the laws are. 

Most courts now are very friendly to both mom and dad having equal custody. Another thing to look up or make a call to an attorney and ask some general questions. 

I would say a healthy two parent home is always better than a split one. If you can’t make it healthy, than splitting and is probably the better way to go. 

I personally would meet with a divorce attorney and pay whatever thoeir consultation fee is and find out what is the most likely outcome if you divorce in your state. At least if you decide that is what you want to do you’ll have an idea of what can happen. ",Is there a reason you wouldn’t push for primary custody?,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
40,"Before you read the rest of my nonsense below- it’s all hypothetical of course it’s not like we’re actively dating and have ever discussed this ever, so how DO we discuss this?

She had not even a dust particle of reference to her child in any of her social media accounts. I ended up doing some digging last minute and figured out she has a kid. A part of me wants this date to go great.

 But worst case scenario if we like each other and want to take each other seriously, I’m worried she’ll want me to help raise her child. I legitimately cannot do that with my career goals and work schedule. I will also NEVER be a number one priority in this woman’s life until we die. It just doesn’t click. I don’t want to call the date off, but with the new anxiety I know I won’t be able to enjoy to my fullest.

Can anyone help me stop catastrophizing. This girl deserves me at my best, and someone that loves her and her child. But I’m 20 years old, I don’t know if she likes me at all and if we’ll ever end up even finishing the damn date, and me thinking like this makes me want to cancel on her, she liked me and seems stoked to hangout with me, Im just too much of a broke kid to even hand her kid a dollar. I hope you guys can see where I’m coming from, am I being unreasonable?

Another fact, I have no date experience this is my first damn date, I can’t call this off an a girl that wants ME, man this is painful. I’m mostly pissed at myself for not being able to give this girl my all regardless, fuck I wish I was rich fuck I wouldn’t even think twice ",If you are not seeing yourself to be the dad or kids just don’t go further . End the relationship or date or whatever and move on with your life . It’s not fair to both of you,"In my opinion if a single mom is dating she will expect or at least want her partner to help her raise her child, either by contributing financially or in other ways. It's understandable that you're freaked out by this because you're 20. Whether you choose to go on the date or not is up to you, but personally I would not go if it was giving you this much anxiety. You should be excited and not scared to go on a date. And to be fair the fact that she did not tell you she has a child and you had to find out yourself is kind of a red flag.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,exploration
41,"So I have a friend that I've made it very clear from the beginning that we are just friends no sex, no dating, nothing other then friends. She has tried to seduce me on several occassions and even tho I keep telling her we will never be more then friends she refuses to accept it. 

  The reasons why I will not date her is simply because I can't have the life I want with her and I don't want to put her thru the heartbreak of dating me just for us to not work out and our friendship over. By the life I want I mean I want kids she can't have them due to being sterilized at a young age, we have none of the same hobbies and in fact she always gets mad when I'm doing my own thing and I don't answer her phone call, we have diffrent moral viewpoints on things and she always tells me I need to change my viewpoint because I'm just boring. 

She keeps getting irratated and going off on my GFs and my FWBs and then gets mad at me when i tell her she needs to stop doing that. She calls me crying because she just wants a good guy like me but it's not fair that I keep her in the friendzone. She tells me all the time that she can give me all that I want in life so how come I don't choose her. I point out all the reasons I've listed and she says that it's not fair. 

  We've never slept together only been friends. I've let her stay at my place before when she was homeless and she would be in my living room naked when I got home from work and get mad at me for not having sex with her. She would try to get in the shower with me and got angry that I wouldn't let her. She would try to get in my bed at night so I would go get a hotel room or sleep in my work truck since it has a bed on it.  

  I just don't know what to do anymore with her. It's just exhausting on top of everything else I have going on on my life right now. Any advice??",She's not listening to you and obviously not respecting your boundaries. Think it's time to put the friendship to an end.,*Why do you continue to be friends with such a disrespectful ass?*  Friends are a choice that you get to make.,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
42,"My ex of 9months refollowed me on instagram and we chatted. We flirted too maybe some inappropriate flirting but he started it. I would say we both broke up with each other because we argued over and over. It was because he thought he was in the right and I did too but I always heard him out and tried to see why he felt a certain way which he didn’t do with me. We’re both 26. We didn’t talk at all for most of the break up it’s been 2 months and I never bugged him but I missed him and I thought maybe him too? He ghosted me four days later. I don’t know what I did? I didn’t pressure him into anything, not even to get back together he says he’s single and he asked me if I was single too I said yes but I didn’t pry into his life so idk why he ghosted me :( he hasn’t said a word to me since. I keep myself busy with my studies, my pets, learning to play the drums, going out more with my family, calling up friends more but him doing that made me really sad Plez any guy advice would help.",I'm sorry but he was just taking the temperature to boost his ego by telling himself at least he wasn't the only one single. It was a petty vengeance from him. Sound you dodged a bullet. Block him and start to talking to other men. I bet you'll find someone better soon enough.,"This is all just irrelevant blabber.


You're not in a relationship with him and he owes you nothing. You wanted an ego boost by stringing him along a bit to make yourself feel good, but he saw it and dumped you. ",Practical Advice,Hurtful,Comment 1,exploration
43,"Does anyone else ever feel tired of working on your anxious attachment in dating? I have a really good life outside of dating. I have friends who I have really secure relationships with, I have a good bond with my family, I’m doing well at work, I often travel and explore new places. I’m very thankful for my life and the people in it, and dating feels like it sucks some of the happiness/ peace out of it. I always feel so much better when I take a step back because I hate how bad the anxiousness gets. I’m a lot better at regulating my feelings now, but sometimes, I get to know someone and it’s going well before they suddenly start pulling back, and by then I’m invested. So it hurts, but the anxiousness is so much worse than the pain. I know I can get over heartbreak but the way that anxiety feels? Absolutely horrible. I’ve been through therapy and I’m in a coaching programme now but it’s still hard going through the anxiety. 

I was dating for a year and a half, and I’ve stopped dating for a few weeks. Honestly, I think I’m happier now than I’ve been in months, which says a lot.","I could have written your entire post. I constantly go through this cycle where being dumped, left on read, etc. shatters my self-esteem and turns my scars back into wounds, and then I have to spend like at least a year picking up the pieces. And during my break from dating, I eventually gain momentum and feel confident and happy again. And I think, “I’m really thriving and content with my life right now— it’d be nice to share it with someone. I’m finally ready.” And then by the time I find someone I’m compatible with, any doting gesture they make triggers my abandonment issues, but nevertheless, I hope. And I always hope hard. I almost have a “gambling addiction” when it comes to hope— I tend to go “all in.” And then after 3-4 months, my partner changes his mind— just like everyone else did before. And because I gambled every last hope I had, I lose everything… And then I’m back to square one, or even square negative 20 when it comes to my mental health. I’ll remember how much happier I was before I started trying to date again, and I’ll wonder if it was ever worth it to put myself out there in the first place. I am so much happier single, when I’m not fretting all the time about trying to keep a partner. I have dozens of friends, plenty of creative endeavors I’m excited about, and an amazing family. Why take all of that for granted by fixating on trying to find love that lasts?

It makes me wonder how I can actually know whether I’m mentally healthy enough or ready for a relationship… because ideally, I shouldn’t date until I’m at a place where my confidence is solid and grounded enough that it can’t be shaken by external factors. But how will I know when my self-esteem is sustainable enough to date again, if I’m always happier and more motivated when I’m single?","I feel you and most men just see us as clingy. It’s difficult, but what I do is often challenge the thoughts I have that cause me anxiety. I’m in a great relationship where my affection/texting and attention are being met. Maybe it’s just a matter of you find someone who matches your energy and your needs",Not Relevant,Emotional Support,Comment 2,exploration
44,"Hey everyone! First post on reddit for me so please be patient! I need your collective advice on a gift I can provide to my wife who's recently been going through a lot of challenging times (including personal and family related health concerns, sacrifices, anxiety attacks etc). Despite that, there's been some recent good news that have unfortunately taken a back seat due to the overwhelming other challenges (job promotion & graduation). 

  
Our living condition is currently long distance due to work, i'm looking for gift ideas I can send her remotely until we meet again. I want it to be something special and uplifting so that she doesn't feel alone or think that I don't care about her successes. 

- she doesn't like alcohol

- she likes jewelry but this would be a poor gift choice at the moment imo

-  she won't be consuming sweets or traveling due to health reasons

- assume budget is < $1000

  
Lastly, is there a preference on if i should wait until we meet in person in a couple months? I don't want her to wait that long before she feels love but i'm okay to give her a gift now and then another again when we meet.

  
Thank you all for reading and taking time to respond. Really appreciate it!","I would surprise her with some meals delivered to her, and then when you see each other, have a fun filled or relaxing day planned with each other, at a spa or something.",A massage with oils and lotion (don't forget the foot rub!!)...a back rub..laundry...dusting...sweep...the dishes...a well-cooked dinner or a date to the local restaurant...a movie...a vacation...,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
45,"I matched with a girl a little more than a month ago, and we hit it off quite nicely. I asked her out for a coffee date after some light conversation and she said that she wanted to focus on her exams and that we could go out later. I tried my best to keep in touch, but not to be overly aggressive. She’s never initiated any interactions, but is always kind and enthusiastic in responses. 
Last weekend I asked her out again since I knew her exams were over, but she said that she couldn’t because she was out of town. I responded that with “No worries. Hit me up when you’re free and we can figure something out”. Yet she never did. We talked a little since that conversation, and I don’t know what to do or what to say. I don’t know how to bring it up again without looking like I’m hounding her for a date. ","She’s not interested, sorry. She’s giving you convenient excuses as a way to let you down easy. After you ask her out the second time imo it’s up to her to reach out if she wants to see you. Don’t waste your time with this girl until she decides to make a move.",dont bother. she rejected you twice now and didnt bother to reach out at all the whole time. waste of time,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
46,"I honestly am completely inept when it comes to the topic of women. I don't know how to open a conversation or even where to meet single women. I mean shit, it feels like every women I'm actually interested in is in a relationship.

Anyone have some thoughts to share? Where did you go to meet your current girlfriend or wife? What are some good ways to meet women without coming of as creepy?",Bars or night club tinder is mostly dominated by men who are extremely good looking,"""What are some good ways to meet women without coming of as creepy?

  
Wud be interested to know what you mean by creepy? Wanting sex? Isn't that what you want? If it is just ask. It's easier than being creepy!",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
47,"A friend of mine has an OF. She asked me to help her with photos and videos, both taking them and editing them as she isn't tech savvy and doesn't have the equipment to do it or space to do it.

 I'm also currently getting into the dating world and I'm curious and concerned how much of an issue this will be for me. It's only solo stuff, I'm not involved in any way besides holding the camera. Full disclosure, we have never dated, nor had any romantic feelings between each other. We have hooked up before, but it was more of a fuck buddy type situation. No emotion besides she was in the mood. She doesn't pay me beyond either bringing lunch/dinner over or ordering it before or after the photoshoot. I've been helping her for over a year now, once or twice a month, so seeing naked isn't remotely a big deal. Outside of the times she was in the mood for more, things are very ""straight to business"" like. Almost clinical.

 I don't want to screw her by having to quit, but at the same time, I can understand this could be an issue for a lot of people and I don't want to miss out on finding someone because of it.

 So ladies of reddit, how big of a deal is this and when is the best time to bring it up with potential date? I'm not a cheater and would never consider it, but obviously me saying that means nothing to someone I just met. ","Some women will mind about the onlyfans photos and regularly seeing an old fwb naked. Others won't mind. 

The women who object to onlyfans, have issues with jealousy of other females or can't calmly tolerate their bf regularly meeting up with an ex they use to have sex with- these are the types who will mind.  

It probably won't be a big deal for the women who have no problem with people making money from selling their nudes on onlyfans and no issues with the guys that they date staying friends with their past ons & fwbs.

I wouldn't mind a date or bf who takes onlyfans photos of a female platonic friend on an unpaid basis. Its the fwb history that would put me off, I don't get sexually involved with friends or relatives and I don't want much involvement with people that do.","You won't get one answer.  Some will mind.  Some won't.  Some won't like that you continue to see someone you've fucked once upon a time naked and in certain types of positions.  Some will ask if you can be their OF photographer.  Some will question why you're doing a 'job' but not actually getting paid.  Some will think that you're nasty, and she's even more nasty for doing what she does.  Some won't care.  Some will.  

Are you willing to stop for a future relationship who thinks it is inappropriate?  If you are, then go from there.  If you aren't, then make it known so that no time or energy is wasted.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
48,"My boyfriend was out with his friends the other day which an old friend came across to them and hung out for a while. He came home and let me know he invited him to his baby shower. Me and my bf share many mutuals so i know almost all of his friends. He told me that the baby shower is on 7/28, and also even mentioned the attire for this party. Which he claimed he has no idea what to wear. I felt a certain way because he didn’t even bother asking if i wanted to join him that day, and it’s not like i don’t know them. And i don’t want to bring anything up because i know he will say “He only invited me, and never mentioned to bring you” but it doesn’t hurt to ask. We’ve had many situations where he goes out and i get left behind. Goes to parties and never takes me anywhere. I don’t know i just need some advice. Should i just let it be? Or say something? ","A baby shower is not the hill to die on and you shouldn't read into it. They aren't the same as parties or a night out. It is a celebration of the couple and their growing family. They are often very intimate and small. I've been to plenty where couples were invited and plenty where it was just the friend of the couple invited. Both are totally normal.

If there are other nights out/parties/or social gatherings where other partners are invited and you are not, that is the time to have the conversation.",If this is happening more than once or twice I would definitely bring it up.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
49,"I’m pretty new to dating and am not very experienced. I (26F) have been seeing a guy for like 6 dates and we still haven’t kissed yet. I feel like maybe he’s waiting for me to initiate and make the first move? Anyways, I have literally no idea how to do that. But we’re starting to feel more like friends, and I want to be more affectionate, especially to see how the chemistry is. For the guys out there, how would you like a girl to initiate the first kiss?","You can always just ask him -- May I kiss you?  

Or If that feels too awkward, have you had any physical contact all all (hugging, cuddling, holding hands)?  In a hug, if you have one of your arms below his and the other above, just let that hand float up to the base of his neck.  I've found that having my hand there is a pretty reliable signal to a guy that I want him to lean down so that we can kiss.","Give him the triangle puppy eyes look, lips to eyes back to lips slowly and just go!!",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
50,"GF 30 and me 30M, we've been together for almost 5 years. 

The first year was the sweetest. We were intimately active. We would naturally alternate who initiates the moment of intimacy. After moving in with her during the pandemic, things were slowing down but it was still fun. We were starting to shape our future; buy a house, adopt a dog. We both don't want kids. Travel

Then we moved in a bigger apartment. That was 3 years ago. We moved because the previous apartment was too small and there were a lot of ants infiltrating the out of shape building. It somewhat affected her morally. Whenever she sees an insect when we are walking outside, she freezes. The new apartment is a more recent building. We split the chores pretty much 50/50. I do dishes, clean the bathroom and outside the appartment. She does the laundry cleans the floor. We cook 50/50.

Since we moved to that apartment, I alway initiate the intimacy and she never does. For the last 2 years she started to study full time to finish university. She was doing that part time, but since I can financially support both of us, it was possible for her to go back full time.

Since she started studying full time, there's actually no intimacy at all in our relationship. She works part time over the weekend + school. So I get that she's tired. When she finished her last semester in april, I thought things might be acting up again, but it doesn't.

I already discussed about the lack of activity in our relationship. We tried to be more spontaneous, doesn't work. We tried to schedule a ""fun"" moment, when it's time, it's never the right moment.

I really love her but the lack of intimacy starts to tire me. What should I/we do next?","Hi I'm 33f and my 8-year marriage didn't survive this. I can certainly help you with the perspective of the other person (obviously only to an extent because everyone is unique). I can definitely say what we did that didn't work, and I'm in a 2-year relationship now where things are going excellent in that department.

Here's what I've learned:

Quantity over quality: Never stop connecting with one another physically. Hold hands, give hugs, give each other little back scratches, and have the other person rest their head in your lap and play with their hair. Keep the lines of physical connection open, and always treat each interaction like you could stop there and it's good enough. The reason why is that at least in my experience my ex would take my openness for one type of physical connection (aka a back rub) as a full send to try and be intimate so eventually I turned down simple physical things because it usually meant I had to be down to have sex. And eventually the lack of physical touch made it even more difficult to connect and even get to that point.

Play - don't take things too seriously: Be OK with not every instance of being intimate ending with you or her finishing. Just have fun. The more positive interactions you two have the more confidence you build.

I don't have a cute name for this one: Umm, to be a woman is to perform a little.. I'm not saying faking it, but I am saying that we're all socialized to make it a bit more about you. So, it would go a long way to just help her feel comfortable enjoying it just for her. Confession time: my current boyfriend had to say that it was OK if I scrolled social media while he went down on me to break the cycle of intimacy feeling like a chore because I always felt pressure to ""make it sexy"". I promise it's not like that forever.

OK that's what I've got. Ymmv. I'm just really happy you're trying to find help so I gave it my best shot.",Have you had a sit-down conversation about this?,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
51,"Been with her for a year and a half now, the first months of our relationship were full of lies around her drug use and other things. That’s in the past now we have since traveled the world together and have ALOT of great memory’s. 

Anyhow I still have trust issues around it and it makes me act slightly controlling which isn’t fair on her.   We went on a mini break because of this last week. 

During this mini break she’s had a 30 year old man sleep in the same bed with her. She tells me he is gay but I’ve never met him and she’s only met him like 3 times. He also is asking to borrow money of her.  Just screams bad news to me!

On top of this she wasn’t going to tell me I had to find out through her messages on Facebook. 

I love this girl dearly and don’t want to leave her as we have exiting things planned. We get on so we’ll our only downfall is the trust and her lack of honesty. Is it worth giving it another go after the many many I have.  Will she just continue to be dishonest and will I find myself in the same place a year down the line.?
",I think it is time to leave. A random 30 year old man sleeping in the same bed as her? And she never told you? Relationship started off with lies so I don’t think there’s much hope. I understand it’s hard but you’re still young and will meet other people. Not worth it to waste time being with somebody you can’t trust,Man I’d leave. I’ve lied about little things like this in relationships before. 100% of the time it’s because I’m hiding a much bigger thing,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
52,"Hello, so I rarely if ever post but need some advice. 
I met a man who is 14 years my senior (28f and 42m). We started talking and absolutely hit it off. We currently are long distance as we met while I was traveling for work. We have spent a few weekends together, and spend every evening talking for hours and throughout the day message or have short phone calls. We just click… he says things that align with my thinking and there’s no way for him to know how I think about those topics. 
Here’s the thing, he is halfway through a divorce and has two kids. Everything regarding the situation, that he’s told me about, has checked out so far. I have not met the kids, but one is excited to meet me, the other is more hesitant. My parents don’t love the situation, and I can understand why but they also have no interest in meeting him which would help explain things I believe. I don’t think there’s anyway for them to get it… I am just slightly lost. Is it really an impossible situation? Any advice? Thank you in advance! 
",It sounds like everything is good. You’re two adults who like each other - that’s all that matters. Don’t throw fake barriers in the way of your happiness which don’t need to be there.,"Just remember, if it worked out, he will be 60 when you are 36 and 70 when you are 56.

Might look OK for you now but what about later?",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,exploration
53,"So yesterday I received a save the date for my childhood best friends (Anna) wedding. I was so excited! Only to open it and discover it is on the same exact day in October as my other close friends (Brenda) wedding, who I am a bridesmaid for. There is no way I can do both. And I definitely would not skip out on Brenda's wedding for any reason. 

I feel awful missing her wedding! Is there anything I could do instead? I don't have any extra money right now to throw her a shower or anything and I don't know who else is going. Anna and I aren't really close anymore but I will always love and support her. 

What are some ways I can tell her I can't make it to her wedding? And alternative things I could do? 

Tl;dr: childhood friend getting married same day as my other close friend. Already committed to my close friend and would rather go to her wedding anyway. How can I tell my childhood friend I can't make it and what is something I could do for her instead (that's inexpensive)?","Get a photo frame engraved with their wedding date and send the gift closer to the wedding. They’re not super expensive and you have time to save up. You should be able to do that for under $50.

Just give her a call or send her a text and tell her that you’re super excited about her wedding and wish you could join to celebrate her special day but that you’re in a wedding that same day so won’t be able to attend. 

It happens. You can’t be in two places at once.",Oh no! I have already committed to be a bridesmaid in another wedding that exact day! I am soooo disappointed! What can I do to make it up to you?,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
54,"I don’t get it either y’all.

I’ve expressed wanting to move out multiple times with good reason, and everytime the conversation got shut down by him. 

Tomorrow I’m leaving for a trip and when I get back in 2 weeks, I’m set to move out. I tried to open up a conversation with him about it last night so he had time to think and process me moving out. He couldn’t really emphasize with any of my reasons for moving out, and stated that “You (me) living with me is a boundary.”

Which it’s not? Or maybe it is? I don’t really know. Anyways, I don’t know how to navigate this when everytime I bring up the topic, he shuts down (he gave me a 2 day silent treatment once) or doesn’t listen to any of my reasons.

NOTE: I realize my post wasn’t clear. He means that in our relationship, me living with him is a boundary - or better phrased, a “requirement” - for us being together. 

I just feel like I’m having to choose between my boyfriend and what I want to do. I want to move out, but I also love my boyfriend and want to stay with him :(",I guess you move out single?,"Boundaries are something you don't go past. Living with him is a desire of his not a boundary. The boundary might be that if you move out he breaks up but he isn't right?

 Shacking up is just something he wants that you don't believe is reasonable or healthy. You are right.",Sarcasm,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,exploration
55,Basically we had unprotected sex and I told him not to cum inside of me he did it twice after I told him no and I told him I’m not having your baby I got an abortion by him before and he still did it without my consent after I told him no I’m in nyc btw and do I have to pay for a fucking lawyer to do this plz lmk ,I really hate to sound like that guy but why let him have sex with you in the first place?,birth control? morning after pill?,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
56,What do you think? I creeped out after knowing this. She thinks it’s funny or something to be proud of. We both are looking for long term relationships ,"Personally I don’t date women who hang out with people they slept with. 

I’d hit it and bounce. Or just hit it and stay her friend like all the other guys. 

She offers no exclusivity for a relationship.",If it's casual it's probably not a big deal. It can be a red flag,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
57,"So I (27m) didn't expect to ever be in this situation, but here I am. I got out of a long relationship and recently started getting back into OLD. I had some dates that went nowhere, and a few days ago I went out with a girl that I had no expectation or intention of sleeping with on the first date at all. So much so that I didn't even bring a condom or anything since I was 100% sure nothing was going to happen (I did have some at home so we didn't do it unprotected, because I'm sure it'll come up). Our convo wasn't flirty or sexual at all, she seemed pretty shy, and even during the date there wasn't any physical contact.   
  
However, after the date we sat on a bench and ended up making out, after which she indicated she was down for more, so for some stupid reason I invited her to my place. Truth be told, I had issues performing as I guess I'm still not really over my ex. She was very understanding, and ended up sleeping over. I texted her the next day saying I had a good time and indicated I'd like to see her again, but as a few days went by I realized I'm really not ready for this, and that there was much of a spark at all. I think I just got caught up in the moment and made a dumb decision, and I've been feeling awful. I've never been in a situation where I didn't want to see the person again after having sex, and I could really use some help with how to best approach this. I'm fully aware that no matter what I'll end up looking a complete asshole, and that's totally justified, but I'd still like to be considerate in letting her know I don't plan to continue things. This was one of those situations where the ""I'm not ready for a relationship"" excuse is actually true, as evident by how bad my performance was in bed.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on what to say/not to say? I'd also love to hear from women on this, because I'm sure you've been on the receiving end and I'd like to avoid her feeling used as much as possible, though I know that's almost impossible now.","I have been on the receiving end. Tbh I appreciated the guy's honesty, it only caught me by surprise because there were no warning signs that he was about to say that. He also said it more like ""I don't know if I want to continue things"" instead of ""I don't want to"", which in the moment left me thinking he might change his mind, so just be direct and straightforward with what you want to say. 
That was a few years ago and we still talk every now and then, we are both 100% over it and there are no resentments :) but I guess it depends on the people involved. The main thing is that you deliver your message correctly, you can't control her reaction.","Heading straight into a new relationship after a breakup rarely works out well. Take time for yourself and heal before jumping in again. No strings from the old baggage, you know.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
58,If you went on a couple of dates. If they removed you and unfollowed you. Is that weird and does it read as desperate?,Yes,If it is an app like Instagram it wouldn’t be weird because the act of them unfollowing you doesn’t remove you as one of their followers. If you aren’t following them it would be weird because you’re going out of your way to watch them.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,exploration
59,"Before instantly commenting any hate/such please read the context of the story.

Senior year of high school my good friend (we’ll call him Jack) started dating this girl (we’ll call her Kathy). During that time I got a lot closer with Jack to the point I would call him my best friend, as well as becoming good friends with Kathy as well. College comes, and Jack and I are going to the same uni while Kathy goes to community college. We remain close for ~2 years while he is still dating Kathy long distance. Later years Jack and I start to distance, both finding different fits for friends we associate with, but still hangout and such. 

Senior year of college, Jack breaks up with Kathy and puts me in that divorced parents kind of situation trying to split hanging out between the both of them. During this time I get a lot closer to to Kathy trying to help her through the break up, and we become best friends and learn that we are quite similar and compatible with each other. Both mine and Kathy’s friends/families have commented on how we would be great together and we’ve admitted to each other that we’ve thought about dating each other, I just don’t know if us pursuing a relationship is the best idea.","You're a really fickle best friend, man","Even if you’d be great together you should just leave it at friendship. You’d be breaking bro code by getting with her. If you’re fine with being seen as a shitty best friend and you’re cool with her having a reputation as a homie-hopper then go for it I guess. I wouldn’t risk a friendship with a good bro for a girl you might not even be dating in a few months. And above all this I think you should consider your friend’s feelings and whether or not he’d care. There’s a possibility he doesn’t care at all but would you risk that by going behind his back?

If they had been dating for only a few months or so I’d understand but they have years of history so it would look bad on you to date her. The whole dynamic of your entire friendships would change and not for the better IMO. Ask yourself how you’d feel if you were in your friend’s position.",Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,exploration
60,"It's almost comical what a high percentage of women go on a first date with me while sick, and then give me whatever they have by talking in my face in a loud restaurant.

The crazy thing is they think it's no big deal. They show up for the date and say stuff like i have been so sick this week, but don't worry I ""took a z-pac"" or ""I had an IV"". None if that even makes sense. They are still contagious. 

Am I the only one this keeps happening to? ","> Am I the only one this keeps happening to?

It’s unlikely this is very common","women are used to being in some kind of pain and still showing up for shit, natural byproduct of a having to go to school/work while bleeding and cramping lifestyle. dudes stay in bed and let the storm pass.",Sarcasm,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
61,"My (26F) boyfriend M (32M) has a work buddy named Vance. Earlier this week M told me about how Vance went to get a massage and at the end he got a hand job. Weird whatever good for him. Last night my boyfriend fell asleep on the couch and I was about to eat some ramen on the floor when his phone went off. Long story short I went through it (we have both done this before we have an open phone policy) I went through his messages between him and Vance and Vance texted him the address and picture of the place. Then said “Go get a tuggy tonight lol” 
M responded “lol I just might” 
Vance said “she had some soft hands”. 
And that’s was the end of that conversation. I’m 4 1/2 months pregnant with our second child. I’m seriously disgusted and so fucking hurt. I woke him up and tried talking about it calmly. And he freaked out on me saying “why are you going through my phone, you are crazy & get away from me” and went to the bedroom and fell asleep. I’ve been crying all night. I’ve only had like 3 hours of sleep. It’s 4am and he left for work. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I have no family or friends here and I’m on probation out here. I am a SAHM meaning I have nothing to my name. I could go to Arizona and live with my sister but I would never leave my son and honestly I wouldn’t want to take him away from M because most of the time he is a great dad. I know my emotions are higher than usual right now. But I’m done. We have had a lot of issues lately and I’m at the end of my rope. I’m going to call my p.o today and see what my options are if I even have any. I made a therapy appointment on Wednesday. I’m planning on telling him I don’t want to be with him anymore. My confidence is crushed and I just can’t trust him after this. Especially after he reacted when I confronted him. How hard would it have been to just say “it’s just guy talk etc”.

P.s the thing that bothers me the most is they work together. They talked about this at work. So then why did Vance send him the address and a picture of the place? ","For me it could be guy talk… but the red flag is that he got immediately defensive. This shows that he’s aware that it’s wrong.

Contrast instant anger and denial with:  
“Ha ha. Yeah. Vance keeps going on about it, so I said that to shut him up. Now, are you going to give me that tuggie?”",Naaaah that's not just guy talk. Suss as hell. Did he get home later than he should have from work?,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
62,"Ok. Short story: I was “dating” someone. We talked about our relationships; this person was never brought up until I saw their picture pop up in the car on her phone. I stopped and immediately said I knew them; she asked… did you guys “fuck” I said yeah, uncomfortably. The rest of the car ride was chill, and I immediately regretted not saying anything. Then she told me they also had a fling and were just friends now. But it turns out they are best friends. We talked in the car, and she immediately told me she wanted to stay single and wasn’t ready to commit to anything serious. I understood that. 

 I was freaking head over heels after talking for a month and a half. I slowly distanced myself after a few hangs and told her I couldn’t shake the fact that you slept with the same person I slept with, and they're also now your best friend. She says that it’s a red flag that I felt that way. Am I the one in the wrong? How the fuck could I be. I don’t think either of us foresaw this, but it’s fucking insulting to say it’s my fault. Would you have done the same or kept trying to be friends?","You were in this thing for six weeks, found out something that didn’t work for you, and you got out. It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. I think having a connected sexual history would make a lot of people uncomfortable. 

One of my absolute closest friends is a straight guy (I’m a woman). It’s something that I always told people really soon after we start dating because, yeah, a lot of people feel uncomfortable with that situation. Better for everyone to get that information out there. I think it’s a rare thing to have a close guy friend where you don’t have sexual or romantic feelings. But that’s not even her situation since the two of them did have sex in the past. 

You’re not being controlling or jealous. This just isn’t for you. That’s okay.",You mean she cut you off?,Emotional Support,Hurtful,Comment 1,exploration
63,"I (22M) have been with my GF (21F) for over a year now. Everything in our relationship has been great, she’s just the best, loving, caring, incredibly cute, intelligent, for me, she’s the whole package. 

Last night we were getting intimate (it has been a long time since the last time we’ve been intimate due to her not feeling and tha situations not being appropriate), I was touching her over her pants and she seemed to enjoy it, so i asked if i could go underneath, she was hesistant at first but then said yes, I went at it but at a certain moment she told me to stop, here’s where i fucked up, I didn’t, I kept saying things like “are you sure you want me to stop?” , in the moment I thought she said beacuse my parents were home, so i did to sort of tease her and thinking that would make things spicier, she told me again and i stopped. This was out of character for me, and I recognize it, I don’t tend to break her boundaries but this time I did. We did some more stuff after I stopped touching her, and called it a night. 
The next day she commented to me that I hurt her (physically), I told her that I was really sorry, that i really didn’t mean to (which is true, I would never do anything to hurt her, she is the love of my life). She mentioned that she did told me to stop and I didn’t, which brought some memories of a past relationship she had were she was hurt in that way (way worse from what she has told me). I kept saying that I was really really sorry, that in no way I meant to disrespect her like that, that I got carried away (which is no excuse) and thought that it was because there were people in the house ( I know that no means no, that’s why i’m I frel so bad, and I’m angry at myself for not listening to her). She says that it’s fine, that she knows I didn’t mean to, that she told so that I don’t do something like this again. Even though she says this, I can’t help but feel like I lost her trust in regards of being intimate, she usually isn’t completely comfortable with these situations (she enjoys them, she like being intimate like that, but she says her past relationship may have caused some problems to her about that), I just don’t wanna be the same as the other dude. I want to gain her trust again so that she can still feel safe with me (regarding intimacy). Am i overthinking? Should I listen to her and believe that it’s fine? How can I build her trust back so that she can feel safe again (This is just something that I feel)?","You made an honest mistake that a lot of men have made, I believe you’re overthinking this situation, she told you everything was fine so try to believe her and learn from your mistake, when she says stop next time do it.",Once the trust is lost or broken there is no getting it back. There is always going to be that sense of insecurity and doubt.  Don't waste the next 5-10 years of your lives and just move on.,Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
64,"Hi everyone ! The most awkward thing and embarrassing thing happened. This is a new ""relationship"" of two months but I've known him for years since we were teens,now I'm 29F he is 32 M. Anyways we were play fighting and making jokes . He was teasing me and there was a plushy right next to me I grabbed it and playfully through it at him . Well I aimed bad and it fell on his hot tea which was right next to all his electronics ( his computer, laptop, sound system etc ). It fell all over his stuff plus on him. I literally didn't know what to do and he just got angry and rushed to his room. I started patting down the water with towels and he came with towels too and told me ""to stop I've done enough"". Then he played his laptop and the sound was all messed up . He got more angry and told me I should go . He walked me to my car and it was soo awkward and I felt so bad. I tried apologizing and he said "" I need more self control "". Well on my way home he texted me saying he can't even charge his phone. I responded to him apologizing and told him I would help him with damages. He didn't respond . The next day he liked my story on Instagram but didn't say anything . I texted him to follow up and just said I'm checking in . He gave me a dry response I responded and then he stopped . Well it's been four days since the incident and idk what to do . I feel so bad but it was an accident he was playing with me too . What should I do?

Tl,DR : I accidently dumped hot tea on boyfriends electronics and now hes not speaking to me . what to do ?","OOOOOOOF. I literally covered my mouth with my hand reading this story. I feel your PAIN.

Hopefully, the initial anger subsides, especially since it was an accident and you’re clearly VERY sorry. You already apologized AND offered to help cover damages; you can’t turn back time to make the incident not happen.

Some people need apologies to happen in different ways. You already tried a sincere apology and you tried to make it right. Perhaps you could try admitting carelessness, and promising to be more aware in the future? Obviously, you did not do anything intentionally, and this was a total mistake, but you DID throw a stuffed animal in a room with hot liquid near electronics. (Do NOT bring up to him that that’s a foolish thing to do anyway; it’s best to just focus on ourselves in an apology, even if it’s not totally our fault.) 

I recommend checking out the “apology languages” to see other methods that might work. And honestly, you DO feel really bad. It WAS an accident. You are trying to make it right. If he still is sour with you after all that, a future with him might not be in the cards.",Sounds like he lost interest. Advice it to move on.  ,Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
65,"My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been together, off & on, since we were 16. He's always said he's an ass guy & never been much interested in boobs but I've been wondering if he's just not attracted to mine. I'm 5'3, 115lbs, & have a nice ass but 32B/C boobs so they're like just proportional for my frame, maybe a tad small. He tells me he's attracted to them and he likes them but I feel like he just says that to not hurt my feelings. 

1. he just never grabs them, looks at them, mentions them, etc. I've walked by him topless many times & he wouldn't take a second glance
2. pretty much only showed appreciation/attraction to them when they looked bigger than usual
3. his normal compliment for them was ""they're a nice size for your body""
4. only thing he's said is a turn on for him about boobs is cleavage (something I never have) I even wore a push up bra for the first time, it didn't give me cleavage, & he didn't pay any attention to it
5. I think he got off to a girl w/ big boobs & cleavage on a show we were watching together 
6. solely watched anime as a teenager so I wonder if that shaped his preferences
7. his ex before we got back together was his first gf w/ big boobs & lost his virginity to her so I wonder if it awoken something in him

so is he fr just not much of a boob guy & im overthinking this or does it seem like he really only likes cleavage / big boobs? :/","Why are you so fixated on your boobs?

What's the rest of the relationship like?
Where's the real problem?","Either way it sounds like you want him to be attracted to your boobs. I'd recommend, when appropriate, do a little strip number. Hump his leg, get some good subtle perfume on, good music, and gently beat his face up with your boobs. Some nice lingerie. If he cuddles into you, you're fine. If he pulls back, he doesn't like your boobs for some reason.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 1,exploration
66,"I'm a girl, and I'm not very good at the dating thing. I've met a guy on tinder who I might be meeting irl soon, but I'm scared of being rejected after the date and spiraling into self doubt at depression? Lol",keep in mind that you don’t know this dude so being rejected by him isn’t really such a big deal. just be sure to set boundaries for yourself and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and that everyone you meet won’t be your cup of tea and that’s valid and okay,"I mean, you have gone this long without him in your life. If he makes a quick exit, you’re no worse off than before. Don’t give someone power or influence on your life they haven’t earned.",Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 2,exploration
67,"So my very new Bf (less than 2 months) went out to a concert with his guy friends. I knew that some of his mates were inviting their gfs to this concert, and I was a bit upset that I wasn’t even asked if I wanted to go along with him but understood why (don’t like the music and bc not the best place to first meet his mates). 

Anyway, he said he’d be a bit absent from texting, which was all good with me until he started continuously posting pictures and videos of the concert but all focused on this one particular girl that was right next to him (no one else was included, just this girl). Now I tried to hold it in to clarify with him in the morning who that was, but as more pictures of them doing selfies close together and tagging exclusively each other in posts I kind of freaked out a little on him… I called him and asked him to explain who it was. It turned out to be the girlfriend of one of his mates. He got angry at me and said I should’ve known despite the fact that I’ve never once seen, met or heard of this mate’s girlfriend. Also, the boyfriend was no where to be seen in any of these posts so I genuinely couldn’t have just known. 

I just am so upset that he was continuously posting this stuff, ignoring my message and not just giving me a heads up message to clarify who the girl was, all on top of the upset of him making it obvious that I wasn’t invited. It really felt like he left me in the dark to overthink. I’ve apologised for freaking out but he’s just been really nasty about it and I don’t know how to address my feelings properly to him? What should I be saying?",If you've taken responsibility for actions and apologized and he is responding in a way that makes you uncomfortable cut your losses.,Why is everyone acting like only posting pics of a girl and tagging each other isn't odd behavior.  If it was everyone sure but no. Op is justified.,Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
68,"This may sound ridiculous to some people, but I have just never really been good at communicating. I am not good at small, talk, or asking questions or pretty much any type of communication. This is absolutely something that I know I need to grow in.

My wife said it would mean a lot to her if I asked her more questions. For example, “how was your day Or “what were you thinking about today?”

What are some other good questions that I can ask her to take an interest in her life and show her that I care? ","You know when you were little and maybe you asked “why?” All the time? Thats basically what shes asking for but in an adult version, how was her day, she tells you x, you ask how she felt about x, she starts to vent, just agree with her and listen and eventually youll get invested enough where you start having questions (your “whys?”) and i think over time you do this more often and youll have deeper conversations so much more effortlessly. Just apply this to everything, i think as men we are so cool with just being and not really digging that we tend to not dig for our partner which is what we typically do when we’re first trying to be with them, ya know like you become more inquisitive cause its a new person, same thing with your spouse","I think its more than just asking for asking's sake. I think she would genuinely want you to be interested as this is where it will show you care, so I would recommend taking the time to listen and ask more questions during the conversation. otherwise if you just ask 1 question then say ""thats nice"" and move on, it will be obvious you did it because you felt you needed to and you completed that goal rather than a genuine interest. 

That being said you can start with the easy classics to open up the conversation:

- How was \_\_\_\_\_? (insert whatever activity she was just doing, ie. work, lunch, your trip etc)

- Do you have any plans for the day?/What are you up to today?

- Hows your day going? 

All of these are conversation starters, the point is once she answers to then ask more and talk more. 

For Example: If you say Hows your day going, and she says GREAT, you can say, thats awesome, whats made it so great? And then she can tell you the great thing that happened or all the little good things going her way etc. 

Then just ask more questions during the conversation. 

I like to use the rule, if I dont know WHY somebody has done something, or likes something I ask them.

For Example: If she says the day has gone great because she was able to paint her nails without messing them up. You could ask what her favourite colour of nailpolish is? Why is it hard to do them without messing them up? Does she enjoy doing her nails herself or getting them done? 

You will inadvertently learn alot about someome this way, you may come to learn, shes a perfectionist and hates when theres even the smallest detail wrong, or that her absolute favourite color is blue, or that she hates glitter in things. etc. 

Hope this helps!",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
69,"New to Reddit so sorry if this is poorly written. Also apparently these stories sometimes end up in video and stuff, so I ask that if you see this story you don't use it in any internet content, or repost it or otherwise archive it. I just want to ask this question and then most likely delete it later. Thank you.

So my problem is exactly as the post title states. We've been seeing each other pretty frequently for around a year now, and we met and were friends for a bit before that. About two months into seeing each other he told me he has IBS, and from what I've gathered since then it seems to be pretty severe. We've had to cancel a couple meet ups before because he wasn't feeling well, or to end things early for the same reason. Sometimes when we meet up he ends up having to use the bathroom due to diarrhea, and he always cleans up immediately after and is incredibly apologetic, especially when we're at my place. This is where my question comes in.

A lot of the time he's really not feeling well afterwards, and sometimes he comes out exhausted and shaking. I feel really bad that he always cleans up after himself, and I wouldn't mind doing it at least sometimes or at least helping. I don't care if it's gross, if he's not feeling well it's the least I can do. The thing that makes things way more complicated is that we're friends with benefits, not formal romantic partners (although on my end at least I've definitely been catching feelings for a while now), and I don't want to make things too weird or awkward. He also has a lot of self worth type issues and I don't want to embarrass him or make him feel like I'm belittling him somehow. I just don't want him to have to feel like he needs to clean up the bathroom himself when he's already feeling awful.

We have a generally good relationship and are really good friends, we've been there for each other through a lot by now. I don't want to mess things up, I just want to help him out with this since I genuinely wouldn't mind doing so. Any advice would really help.","That's really kind of you! As a person who has had some similar gastric issues, I would say to ask him if you can help afterwards but also be prepared to take his no for an answer. It IS embarassing and perhaps cleaning up gives him back a feeling of control that IBS can strip away. Good luck.","I think that this is incredibly sweet and mature of you, and he will appreciate you offering. BUT, he may say no (I would) for the reasons you identify and please don't push the issue, just let it go. I really think he'll appreciate you offering and just tell him why like you wrote here.",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
70,"Hello, i'm on the verge of breaking up because of this and I need urgent advice.

College students, have been dating for almost two years. He does not plan or take initiative in many things

-When he will see me next time if we are in different states etc 

- Any dates, anniversaries, occasions, i have to choose the time, the place, the reservation 

- When his family came over to see him (they live very far), their rental car broke down and they couldn't drive to us to have dinner together. He thought ""it's okay I guess"" and didn't think it was weird although I talk to his siblings often and have talked with his family before. We come from traditional backgrounds where it is customary/respectful to meet a partner's family and he did not put a care into it. I had to organize with HIS best friend to drive up to them so we can all meet.

- I am the one planning where we are subleasing for housing etc

- Says he wants to stay in my state but has not applied to a single job and he is graduating in a few months (despite him having a 3.9 and being very smart)

- ""scared"" to tell his family he wants to move out (he's 21+) to my state and has been putting it off for a year. 

On the other hand he does not have malicious intentions and is not ""playing me"". I'm his first relationship, and he is sweet in all other aspects. When we had a rough time I told him he should talk to a therapist/coach about his defensiveness and he did in fact do so (but only after I asked, again not taking initiative.)

I am tired of telling him exactly what I want him to do and feeling like i need to micromanage this relationship. I grew up in a really rough atmosphere and I sometimes just want someone to take the reigns from me but I feel like it has become impossible. I legit sat down with him and told him what has he ever taken initiative for in this relationship and it was only a game he picked out for us to play once...

His reaction when I told him all of this is coming up with a reason for everything.

Why didnt you plan xyz: i didnt know i should, it was to early, i care for you in other ways etc...

I feel like even if he does change now it is only after i poured my heart out and stressed so much to get him to change",You can’t drag a partner through life no matter how sweet they are. ,"Hey there, it sounds like you've been carrying a lot of weight in your relationship. Feeling like you're always the one planning and making decisions can be exhausting, especially when you're looking for someone who takes initiative. It's great that he's sweet, but relationships thrive on mutual effort.

You've been clear about your needs, which is important. It might be worth discussing again to see if he's willing to step up without needing constant reminders. Ultimately, you deserve someone who values your time and actively participates in building a future together. Take some time to think about what's best for you.",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,exploration
71,"So, for context I have been seeing this guy for a month or so now who I am really into (I knew him before matching him on tinder, we went to the same school and have mutuals). We have spent every weekend together and a day through the week most weeks if we have time between work commitments etc. Whenever I see him I feel like infatuated with him, he's just everything I could ever ask for in a man, loads of common interests, he's handsome as fuck, funny and the butterflies and nerves kick in more than I've ever experienced.

I am normally not one for thinking before I speak but I just don't want to mess this up or come on too strong. I know he's still on bumble/tinder etc, I am not because after a week or 2 of continuously seeing/speaking to someone that I've clicked with, I'd rather put all my time into one person not multiple. I have no idea if he's still actively speaking to anyone else, nor do I feel like it's any of my business.

But this is where my conscience kicks in and makes me wonder when the right time is to bring up like exclusivity or whether that's even what he's after? 

I'm more than happy to just see where it goes and just spend as much time with him as possible but I'm use to men and the novelty wearing off as soon as they find a better option so I guess I'm just afraid of getting more wrapped up because I'm already feeling more things that I'd want to be at this point 🙈

Any advice, similar situations or constructive criticism will be appreciated 😅","Yall both need to have a talk about what it is that you want between y’all, communicate where you both are mentally so you can get an idea of where his head is at and so he knows where you are at.","Rule of thumb is 10 dates or 3 hookups, whichever comes first. ",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 1,exploration
72,"M seeking F

Was wondering which app is the best to avoid Romance scammers. should one just go ahead and choose apps that require subscriptions?",What is romance scammers?,Think it changes by age and other factors. I would give more specifics to inform the answer.,Not Relevant,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
73,"A few weeks ago, I met a friend of friends at the university. We chatted a bit and got along well, and I suggested going for a drink sometime. We ran into each other again recently, and he suggested having lunch together on Friday. 

The fact that he accepted my proposal to meet one-on-one makes me think he might also be interested. But at the same time, the idea of lunch seems more like a friendly get-together than my initial proposal to go for a drink. 

Should I see this as a subtle way for him to let me know that it's purely a friendly meeting?","It's possible sure, but I think it's always best not to read too deep between the lines. You're right in that a lunch can be seen more casually, but anything is possible.","Not enough context to really tell, but it depends on if he goes for it or not when you do meet him. You never mentioned if you are interested in him or not",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
74,"Hello! I'm a younger guy thats wondering about good places to meet someone? I've never liked the idea of dating apps and I'm not a big fan of social media, but that just seems to be the way everyone meets now. I've also never been big on partying or the bar scene. I come from a small town and I'm very active within my community, but most of the people I meet through community service projects are much older than myself. I also have a couple of hobbies but I rarely meet girls through them, and it seems like the ones I do meet are in a relationship. I've been single for a little while now and I'm ready to meet someone, but  I just don't really know where to go. In my previous relationships I've always met girls through friends or family, and those situations always just happened naturally, but now I rarely meet anyone new like that. So if you guys could recommend some places to check out I would greatly appreciate it!",Any hobbies you want to learn? Maybe a local class?,"Go to the supermarket bar with a wingman/woman, or just alone. You don’t have to “drink drink”. Try improv class or some other community activity that draws younger people in. Your post super resonates and I’m not much of a bar/club person either but my friends and I are planning a club night just to see. Take dancing classes, or go to dance events on meetup. How far are you from a city? Can you just venture out a little bit?",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
75,"I was married for 7 years from 2012-2019. I was treated poorly in every aspect. Verbally abused pretty bad and controlled in alot of ways. But I was used to it and it was my normal and I thought it was normal.  After my divorce I  met some men casually. But it’s been two years since I’ve tried to get out there.

I finally got back out there and wow. I didn’t know this was the correct way to treat someone. He cares about things, my wants and dislike and genuinely takes me into consideration. He doesn’t yell or get mad or negate the way I feel. The way I cook, the way I do things he likes it and does not downgrade me. It seems like he actually really loves me.

Even sexually. He is always kissing me, holding my hand, touching my butt when he can when no one is near, kissing my neck, touching my leg when he’s driving, kissing everywhere and not trying to have sex every time. He just wants to be close to me and feel me. Not looking to have sex every single time and it feels good for him to want to want to just kiss me all around and enjoy it. He’s an amazing kisser and we just enjoy it together and touching each other. ","Sounds like a great guy. I'm glad you're happy. Since you're not asking for advice I won't give any, and I hope the relationship continues to go well and progresses over time and it will be long term and everything that you want it to be.",I’ve had this too. She was both anxious attachment & touch oriented person as am I and when you find each other it’s incredibly enveloping and special. Like a constant literal warm hug. Congrats and enjoy 😊,Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 1,exploration
76,"I 36/F have been dating 35/M for the last month but we have years knowing each other prior. Dates have been great, chemistry has been great. We have similar looks on life and for the future. 

However, he is not able to finish with me. Today I asked if he’s been able to finish with other women, that he may have been seeing the last month and he’s been able to. He feels like we may not be sexually compatible, but we get horny for each other every single time. He just doesn’t finish with me. 

This is the first time I’ve gone through this, most of my relationships in the past have been sexual leading. The main part of them is the sex. So I at least had that, but now it’s the first time someone can’t with me. He expresses he has feelings for me and we can spend a lot of time together but he just can’t cum with me. He’s not sure if he can get there with me but has these strong feelings for me too. 

I just feel very confused. My ego is a little hurt too. My self esteem feels off. 
","This is interesting to be honest, is he not into it completely? Has he had issues in the past?",This happens to me sometimes. It's just nerves. I rarely watch porn and use a very loose grip solo - so none of the usual culprits.,Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,exploration
77,"
There’s always so much talk and support about being cheated on and infidelity from the viewpoint of the partner being cheated on. I never see much about the devastation of finding out you’re the other woman (or man) 
Being misled from the beginning, forming a bond that you now have to accept as fake. 
I, 34/F was dating “Nate” 32/M for about 1yr. 
I am now finding out that Nate was in a 4-year  relationship the whole time and his partner 33/F was even pregnant while we were intimate. 
I don’t know how to feel. I know I shouldn’t miss something that was never real or genuine, and I shouldn’t want someone like that. 
Still, the thought of them together, working it out, and him discarding me like nothing still hurts. I guess it’s natural when you thought you had something special with someone. And I truly loved him. Part of me wishes she’d leave because he doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship after doing that to me, but it’s not my call what another woman chooses to put up with. This was no casual fling or one night stand. I hate feeling like nothing, like they still have each other, their own family and I’m left with all the pain while he gets off unscathed. We have not spoken since I revealed that I know the truth and exposed him. I’m not surprised, that was just for context. It’s just an unfair situation that I don’t see talked about much. 
I just want to reiterate that I had no idea, and this is all coming out over a year later. I’d never willingly be the other woman and then cry about it. I didn’t know.","*I know I shouldn’t miss something that was never real or genuine*

It was real and genuine. For you. And that's what matters. 

You didn't do anything wrong. He did. 

Just because he's incapable of empathy, has no respect or decency, doesn't have genuine feelings, and lied to and manipulated you, has no bearing on you or your character. 

I've been the woman who was cheated on, manipulated, lied to, and so many more horrible things by a man I was madly in love with, planning to marry, and who I found out, after years of being together, that he pretended to be sick with the same incurable illness that I have just to get me to talk to him and go on a date with him. 

There are predators in this world, and I'm so sorry you've met one. 

Don't drive yourself crazy thinking that he's some great guy to his girlfriend. Feel sorry for her. He trapped her with a baby, lies, and manipulations. She is a victim, too, whether she realizes it yet or not. He put her in the most vulnerable position a woman can ever be in. You don't know what he says to her, how he treats her, or what she knows about the real him. 

You've seen his true self. Thank God every single day that you did and that your life is saved from this man. 

Yes. Your heart hurts right now, and it should be because you're a loving, caring, mentally stable human being who actually feels things and has emotional intelligence. Your ex will never understand what that's like because he uses people to satisfy selfish, twisted needs, and when he's done with them, he throws them away like trash. 

Be thankful that you're not like him. 

Don't let this man win by making you bitter, turning your heart cold, or becoming someone you don't recognize. Learn, heal, and grow. Let this experience empower you and show you how strong you are.

(((Hugs)))","He lied to you so many times over - you are a victim in his messed up game just like his partner. I’m sorry it happened to you and that you’re grieving the potential of a relationship that was built on lies and are left picking up the pieces. 

Did you tell his partner?? She’s also building a life outta lies.",Emotional Support,Emotional Support,Comment 1,exploration
78,"I recently graduated college. During college, I dated someone for about a year. We broke up 10 months ago, and ever since then I have thought of her very often. I think about her in passing at least once a day. We had some issues in our relationship, but I broke up with her over a specific situation.

A few months ago I met someone new (Let's call her Sue) and we began seeing each other, but have not labelled the relationship. She is everything I could want in a partner.

A few weeks ago, I received information about the situation my ex and I broke up over that made me realize that I was completely in the wrong. I had always felt regretful about ending the relationship, but that made it 10x worse. I reached out to her after a long period of no contact. She gave me some closure but was absolutely not interested in getting back together.

I was absolutely crushed. But things have been getting better, even if I still think about my ex a lot. Meanwhile, things have been getting more serious with Sue and she has been hinting she wants our relationship to be official soon.

I have feelings for Sue, but I also have a lot of regret for ending my relationship with my ex. I know the right thing to do is to break things off, but it feels dumb to do so when Sue has treated me super well and is someone that I would want to date.","Just be open and honest, you need to fully let go before dragging someone else into your life which you don’t feel 100% certain with. Don’t waste Sue’s time.","Look at your last relationship as a learning experience. Maybe it’s taking you longer to get over it because you held on to the idea of getting back together. As time goes on, you will get over it.",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 1,exploration
79,"I’ve 35M been seeing this woman 50F for almost 2 years. It’s been great so far, she takes very good care of me, our place we live in together and cooks for us almost every night. I also cook for myself a lot too as I eat a lot. She does most of the housework and I will admit I should be putting in more effort towards these chores. About a month ago she started giving me the silent treatment after an argument, in the argument I ended up getting a bit stern and told her it’s very rude to ignore someone in the middle of conversation thus the silient treatment starting. 

She went to work the next day and wouldn’t allow me to pick her up, I believe she skipped work and went and gambled her money away somewhere as I could hear wind in the phone like she was waiting outside for the bus somewhere. We had a long phone call where she said basically nothing as I repeatedly asked where she was and if she was coming home(4pm)  I ended up staying up till midnight that night waiting for her and when I finally gave up and went to bed she was there sleeping already. I didn’t get home until about 8pm that night so there is a chance she was there the whole time or she snuck in while I was cooking. This was a few months ago. The next day she was fine and over it as was i. 

Two days ago she admitted to recently  gambling all of her money away and wouldn’t tell me how much, I’m guessing 3-6k. She stated she wouldn’t have her share of rent money (800) and needed to borrow 900 to send home to her family. I told her if we went and signed out of the casinos for two years together I would do it. Then yesterday she did the same thing as last time, wouldn’t let me pick her up and on the phone I could hear wind. Saying she would stay at work and work the next day, which is usually her day off. I asked her if she’s staying there forever and she said maybe. She wouldn’t tell me anything. I asked what I did to deserve this and she went silent. This morning she texts me good morning as if nothing is wrong to which I replied with ( …… ) 

How do I navigate my partners addiction, im not going to break up with her in her critical condition right now but how much can a guy take ? I know people need their personal time but can’t I be given some sort of explanation ? How many red flags do you guys see here, maybe it’s time I find someone my own age, I have no one to talk to about this, looking for honest opinions as I’m wracking my brain trying to figure this out. Thanks in advance. ",Holy shit. This reads like she's more ur mommy then ur partner.  She takes very good care of u? This woman's 15 yrs older than u and is running off to gamble? Bro what are u doing.,"So many red flags.

I seriously hope your finances are fully separate - no joint accounts, no authorized user on your cards, etc - because she will burn through everything you have.

She sounds mentally unwell. To be 50 and running away and giving the silent treatment? To gamble away 3-6k so quickly? Needing to borrow from her bf to pay rent? 

If you were married that would be considered financial infidelity. 

I’m going to be honest… I don’t think I could stay with a boyfriend who acted like that. I don’t think I could sit by and watch a boyfriend blow up their life through a gambling addiction. I’d probably make him an ex-boyfriend unless he put himself into addiction treatment and showed me through his actions that he was trying with his whole heart to heal/deal with the addiction and change the way he treated me.",Hurtful,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration
80,"My aunt reached out to me and my sister the other day, and asked us if we were free to hang out with her and some of our cousins. We said yes. These plans came up while talking to my mom, who got upset and said that my sister and I were not allowed to go (she said things like, “if you don’t go you don’t love or respect me”) and actually forbade us from going. 

Back story: apparently on the last trip my parents took a few months ago, my aunt made plans with my other aunts (her siblings) and did not invite my parents. I believe my aunt told my other aunts to not mention it to my parents. My mom was hurt and to my understanding is in an unspoken fight with my aunt.

My mom also said that my aunt was not invited to MY wedding next year, and that if my aunt attends she will not go to my wedding. My mom pulled a similar stunt at my sibling’s wedding years ago, and threatened to not attend that wedding the night before.

I’m writing this because I don’t know what to do and I’m really starting to get annoyed with getting caught in the middle of family drama. It’s isolating and in my opinion life is too short to latch onto negativity. I feel like if I don’t put my foot down now, it’s going to enable this authoritarian type relationship. If I do put my foot down, I risk shattering my relationship with my mom.

I’m an adult, I don’t live in her house, I have a full time job. I have mostly always listened to my mom for small things to keep the peace because I do feel she feels the need to be in control and in charge, but as I’m getting older her attempts to control me and my decisions are annoying, immature, and tiring. I do feel like she treats me and my siblings as pawns and as an extension of herself rather than our individual selves sometimes; I know she loves and cares about us but she pulls these stunts sometimes and it is emotionally and mentally tiring. I do love her and care about her, but I know her personality and our relationship is complex.

Should I give in and listen to her or put my foot down?",YOU'RE 28 YEARS OLD.,Go and see your aunt. You’re an adult. It’s time for mom to start acting like one as well. ,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,exploration