example_id,post,comment_1,comment_2,comment_1_label,comment_2_label,more_helpful_comment,batch
177,And do you only send gm/gm texts only if seriously interested? And if you could specify if you are F or M or other that would be great! ,Is just me that thinks sending good morning/ good night texts every day is tiring ?,I mean if u guys talk to each other a lot ? Why not be a gentleman,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
309,"I male/18, met my girlfriend female/16. 6 months ago. It was online. She lives in Syracuse, NY, and I live in NYC 3 and half hour ride. We always made plans to meet up, the first time it went bad her dad, got upset and told me to not contact her anymore, and threatened me. When I first met her she told me she was 17 turning 18 in October. So she lied about her age I didn't find this out till yesterday.
After the first incident she would text me asking to to talk again. I said okay but it has to be a secret. Long story short we finally agreed to meet which was yesterday 6/29. I got her a bus ticket to come here. Things went well, blah blah. Her dad finds out he calls her and they start calling me. Then a deputy calls me too. He told me I wasn't in trouble. I spoke to her dad and helped him have him support and said I was sorry, and I didn'tnt know she was 16. I told the cop what I should do after this if I should block her, stop telling to her. And he said ""do nothing"" her dad thanked me for being supportive and everything. Then he sent me a text this morning saying how we would appreciate if me and her don't talk anymore and the police advise it too. I spoke to the cop and he said I am not in trouble. I don't wanna give up on her because she was there on my lowest time. I was thinking of calling the dad and telling him I feel, and how I wanna fix things.","1) Please try to write in complete sentences, it makes it easier to read and understand.

2) Yes, leave her alone. You're young and in a year you won't care about this. 

You're in NYC. Why are you going for girls 3 hours away when you live in the most active dating market in the western hemisphere?","There are many things wrong with this story young man. She lied to you about her age. That is statutory rape in the state of NY. Why would you give your trust and respect to someone that would not only lie to you but put you in harms way? Do you think you are the only guy she is talking to and doing this with as well since you met her online? You are 3 hours away, you don’t even know her full situation. You need to take a step back and think about this.",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 1,part 3
299,"


What advice would have for someone who has the mindset of always feeling ugly? both on the outside and inside. It's like non stop thinking that i am, that i am not good enough m31 btw, feels like i will always be alone the way it's going.  Even regret splitting from my very toxic, controlling relationship of 4.5 years cause I feel  so ugly i won't find anyone else. Have gone on 
Dates but when they don't lead anywhere I blame myself like there is something wrong with me

It us absolutely head wrecking and I can't seem to change ","""Love people like love flowers""

You're not ugly, you just don't treat yourself well.
The reason why flowers fail to bloom may simply be due to insufficient nutrients, such as lack of water or sunlight.

Think of yourself as a flower, take good care of yourself, and wait for you to find the right nutrients, enough water and sunlight.

You will naturally bloom.","Lift weights, build up a track record of success.",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
192,"I am (male , 24) 
Never had a female friends only guys friends and because of this I never had an interaction with girls when it's comes to dating. 
I had one date back in 2022 (If I can recall correctly) and this date gone terribly. 
Since than I never dated a girl. 
Nowadays I have one female friend that we constantly talking and hanging out every and than but she is taken as up recently. 

I hate myself that I couldn't develop and overcome the fear of asking a girl out . 
I think I am gonna be this friend in the group who's stays single forever. ",Do you and your guy friends hang out? You can go to bars or do things you like to meet women.,I’m 30 and still both of the above…if that makes you feel even a little bit better. Wouldn’t say I’m happy about it but hoping it will change one day!,Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 1,part 3
313,"I’ve made it two the fourth date with a couple of women only to fall flat on my face and get rejected the next day.

In looking back I’ve realized that I treat the fourth date just like the first date meaning I’m just having fun and maybe asking some top level questions. 

So what is the expectation of a fourth date from a women’s perspective?! 

","Dude here, for context what kind of dates are the first 3 dates, what are you talking about with the women, and do you have any physical contact with them(ie: kissing, hugging, butt grabbing etc.)","I just had my 4th date with a guy. But just to preface, we are going super slow! We took our dogs out and went hiking for a couple hours. It was super chill, easy, kinda like hanging with a friend. But like a sexy friend. We admitted later that day that we were checking each other out the whole time haha. But again, we're going slow. We arnt being romantic yet or being physical. We are establishing a friendship as a foundation and seeing how compatible we are.

I honestly think that there's no template or protocol when it comes to dating. Some people's fourth dates will be wildly different than other peoples. It all comes down to preference.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
355,"I want to know ur perspective on this. My partner wants marriage and kids with me and a house. We are currently at his place. I recently found an old notebook where he wrote love letters to his ex. He had written down, “Marry me one day” and goals about buying a house with her. The girl left him for a rich guy. Anyway, long story short, I realized he wants the same with me and it makes me feel a certain way that he basically asked his ex the same things. Should I be concerned? I know it wasn’t his fault in his last relationship but is this kinda sketch?  He has always mentioned he wants a life partner and is ready for marriage and kids. I guess I feel a little ….idk, like I’m just another girl he throws these words to. It is a big thing to want marriage with someone and I guess what I’m trying to ask is …”is he using this question loosely?” I am kinda a little hurt he already asked this big question to somebody (I know I know…I didn’t know him at the time and everybody has a past, but it kinda tugs at me) ","It’s not sketch to have a past. Haven’t you told other people you loved them before? Are you still in love with them now? If no, calm tf down and don’t do anything stupid.","He knows what he wants. A traditional life. The other girl left him for her own reasons.

He is now trying to make that life with you. Seems completely normal.

He’s building a life and searching for someone with the values and compatibility to match it.",Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
347,"So when I was in college last year, this guy who made the first move had walk up to me and talked to me on my table, ever since that we have became very close, gotten to know each other very well and had some romantic moments. Six months later he had to move to a different state due to personal problems and I was so sad and heart broken when that happened. 

When I got hired to a new job, I recently met this guy 3 weeks ago and he was showing me around and training me. We’ve talked and gotten to know each other slowly and seem to became interested in each other which made me happy that I can finally move on from the last guy, but that same day he told me he will be at work for 2 more weeks before leaving because he is going to the military. That made me sad and it seem like he was sad too, after that I never seen him again at work. 

Now a few days ago I met this guy from a dating app, we’ve matched before around 4 years ago but really never talked. But since we’ve matched again we started to talk more often and today I just found out he is moving to a different state.. after that I just wanted to cry because it seems like every time I think I’ve found the perfect guy to date that I’m very interested in.. it never goes as planned and it seems like I’m not lucky when it comes to dating. I don’t know if this is God way of telling me that, these guys I was interested in just isn’t the right one for me.. or keep waiting until god gives me the right man that will treat my like a priority and a queen because he knows I deserve that kind of love and treatment from the right man. ✨💕","Lowkey had similar experiences... but mine would be that they would suddenly have problems (or excuses); they would basically just falter. I was hurt at first, but I took that as a sign that they aren't meant to stay in my life and they aren't supposed to be a partner or the one for me. I just cherish the good memories, and I don't hold on to them.","Hmm is this a real post? If a guy likes you enough he would discuss the idea of you moving with him.

Only 2 things matter to guys. Your weight & your age. These guys are lying to you.",Emotional Support,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
353,"I had a pretty good date on Thursday. It was a little awkward at the end when we went to leave and we like didn’t kiss or anything and just kinda awkwardly waved goodbye. He texted me afterwards apologizing for the awkward goodbye and also told me he had a good time and wanted to see me this weekend. I responded that it was okay that it was awkward but I would definitely hangout with him this weekend. 

I haven’t heard anything back from him since I replied. I’m just confused why he asked to hang out if he didn’t really want to? Idk should I text him? HELP","if he didn’t respond to you and didn’t follow up about the weekend, I’d let it (and him) go","When someone suggests getting together, you must get into the habit of immediately replying ""Sounds great! Just tell me the day, time and place.""

If you don't lock down the 3 requirements of a date right away, then something is likely to fall apart.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
352,"I (25F) first said it doesn't matter cuz I'm tight anyway but he (28M) then asked what my preference is. I've seen his dick before, it's big, so I just said ""length"" but he isn't replying back now. Was I supposed to say something else??","As a man, that was a stupid question to ask as it was definitely a trap question and there was malicious intent with it. A lot of men are very self conscious about their penis size because of society and porn. 

So you saying length probably hurt him as he probably thinks he is small length wise. Its not your fault you were honest, he question was dumb and he shouldnt have asked if he didnt want an answer","It was a dumb question to ask if you're going to upset by the answer. One time a guy asked me what the biggest id has was and then got upset when he found out it was double his size. Don't ask then... 

There's no correct answer. If someone is insecure they shouldn't ask those questions. It does nothing because in healthy relationships you don't really care that much about what ""equipment"" your partner has you just learn to work with it because you care about eachother and want to make eachother happy.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
384,"I met someone via an app (Feeld, if it matters), who seemed interesting and interested, as we maintained conversation for a number of days consecutively. One day, a couple of weeks ago, she sent an unusually terse reply inquiring as to what could account for my writing style, which I admit can be rather stilted and pedantic (I, unfortunately, have ASD, and it has been a thorn in my side socially for almost as long as I can remember). I was frank about it, and she didn't seem deterred. In fact, she suggested we call on the phone at some point, and asked for my number. I gave it to her, and she curiously seemed to go MIA. 

I sent a follow-up, to no avail, a few days later, and a few days after that a message that, politely and reasonably (in my opinion, anyway), inquired as to whether she would like to remain in contact. She replied within a day, apologizing for her taciturnity and relating that life had become unaccountably all-consuming due to her being a student. She reiterated a desire to call sometime. I acknowledged the message, and reiterated that there was no pressure, that she could reconnect when the demands upon her returned to normal. That was approximately two weeks ago.

I fear that I am being naive in supposing that she's been so swamped for so long that she could not reply even intermittently and briefly. My initial suspicion was that she was someone operating behind a false front collecting numbers for whatever purpose, but I'm now convinced I came off as undesirable and she didn't/doesn't want to directly convey this.

Anyhow, is waiting any further in vain? Thanks.","This just sounds like normal female behavior to me. 

Keep fishing. If she comes back around, great. But don't hold your breath.","Meh, no point in waiting on an inconsistent maybe. No need to block her, just chalk it up as a matter of differences or life or whatever helps you forget about it and continue living your life. If she reaches out again, respond appropriately. If not, oh well, you won't have been thinking about it anyway. 

No need to think about her any further. Just enjoy your life and carry on, my friend!",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
241,"I'm m23 never been in a relationship, recently the girls in my friends group were asked if they had to marry a guy from the group who would they pick and they started telling there first choice 2nd choice 3rd choice and so on. And i was waiting there thinking now they are gonna say my name, at the end they named random guy's my name never came up. One of them said she's dating a guy exactly like me and plan's to marry him. I don't know what it is about me.",Well do you actually talk to women and let your intentions be known in a calm manner? And if you do what do you say?,"Yes as a man you need to stand out. We kinda got it the opposite generally ATM. People are worshipping female bodies and falling over females, no wonder females detest most modern men. It's the male who is meant to be the one revered not the female!


To get noticed you will either have to project something, confidence, humour, strength. Or if you're not that type, demonstrate with your actions......",Not Relevant,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
290,"I'm 37 and she's 35, together for a bit over 2 years, living together. Recently she was showing me something on instagram that someone DMed her. While looking for it in her messages, I noticed a name of a guy I haven't heard about. Asked who that was and she said it's her colleague from work. She said they just send each other some funny reels from time to time. She opened the chat with him and quickly scrolled through to show me. While doing that I noticed some text exchange and asked if she can pause. She did and what I saw really surprised me - the guy said they should go for a beer/whisky (her drink of choice) catch up - to which she responded that it's necessary and she will let him know.

She claims that she didn't have an intention of going out with him (and didn't go nor made any plans) but she didn't know how to respond. Also states that the guy is older and has a wife and kids. She also mentioned that they went out a few times with her two other girlfriends from work and him. She says that this guy didn't have any other intentions than just to catch up.

While I want to believe what she is saying, it also doesn't feel entirely right. Any tips how I should interpret and handle this situation?

Thanks!",Attention seekers potential cheaters. Open your eyes,"Really depends on context.

Worse case scenario, she's a cheater that likes cheap attention and it's better you found out early.

Best case scenario, she's a helluva great girlfriend that is trustworthy and upfront with you seeing as how she treated the other guy like any other female coworker.

I myself, as a straight male, always forget that some people read too much into things and I've a bad habit of seeing if a friend wants to ""go out for drinks"" and yes, I know their drink of choice just because I'm a good friend.

Chances are its the latter.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
371,"I (F24) don't know what to do with dating. I've been single my entire life and I haven't had sex or kissed anyone ever. I know I am sexually attracted to men and women, I think I am mostly physically attracted to men but romantically to women. This makes it very hard for me to know what's best for me. I don't feel comfortable with having sex before a few months of dating. I am scared that when I start dating one gender over the other I will feel in doubt all the time because I haven't experienced the other gender.

Does anyone have any advice for me?","I think you just live life  and if you come across someone you really like, no matter the gender and you have an opportunity to date them, then do it!","Icy\_Peach9128 wrote the best advice so far. Focus on the individual in front of you, and go from there. In reference to other comments, I also will say that there is *absolutely no necessity* to pursue ""open relationships"" or ""threesomes."" 

You should never feel guilt or ""doubt"" if you date one gender and ""haven't experienced the other gender."" Plenty of straight people are virgins for *decades*, but they know they are straight. You above all know your heart, and only you know who you're attracted to.

Nonetheless, it sounds like you're still trying to figure certain things out. If you're looking for advice, it should probably be from other people who are bisexual or the like. Learning their stories -- even if only through podcasts, essays, etc -- can illuminating. They may or may not be role models for you. Indeed, you might look at an individual and go, ""Oh, Lord, this person is weird and their dating style sucks."" But either way, they can serve as clear foils for the person you want to become. 

Best of luck!",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
260,"Hi! So l've been dating this guy for about a year now. He's a great guy but l've recently found out some things about him that if I knew then, I probably wouldn't have pursued our relationship.

My biggest concern now is I found out that he's taking steroid injections (250g/week) on/off for about two years now and he gets his supply from his friend who ""knows a guy"".. so yeah, it's unprescribed. I’ve talked to him about this before and explained my concern but he said he is taking it with caution so no need to worry. Problem is I can’t help but worry knowing that he’s taking it illegally and for quite a long time now and it’s solely to gain muscle better (he's a gym rat). 

I love my bf but this really throws me off. ☹️ Any advice on how I should go about our situation?",You decide if it’s a deal breaker for you. Since he isn’t going to be stopping.,"Hmm, that would be a dealbreaker, I don’t care how much I loved him. It’s a boneheaded move that shows he’s more concerned about his “looks” than his overall health. I couldn’t love that.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
283,"Okay, so I (27M) have a thing for my girlfriend's feet (27F). I mean, I just find them beautiful and interesting, but I feel ashamed of that because when we discussed some kinks, she told me that people who like feet gross her out . And I'm going to be honest, okay? I'm not a full-on feet guy; I just like hers, and I don't know why. I don't want to go into details.

Anyway, I've kept that inside myself for 6 whole years. By the way, everything is great here. We have a healthy relationship and a healthy sex life, but I feel an urge to tell her about my ""kink."" However, I'm still afraid (foolish, yes, after 6 years), and I don't know what to do, so I came here for advice.

What do you think I should do? How should I approach this...

Edit - also sorry for my english.","Just tell her what you told us: You think she has beautiful feet and you're not going to worship them, to lick them or to use these as anal plugs :) (Or maybe only that she has beautiful feet and you didn't want to say that before because she thinks feet people are gross)",If you’re having this much shame telling your gf about her feet obviously it’s probably a little more explicit than you let on. Kinks are forbidden or taboo things that may be turnoffs for some people. Just talk to her. If you word it to explain that it’s only her feet that make you feel this way maybe it will be easier to digest. If not it’s respectable and you can move on.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
269,"Hi,

My Girlfriend was just told by her friend’s boyfriend that he is proposing in a few weeks. We currently have a trip from Denver - Chicago (July 6th weekend, my family wedding) a trip from Denver - Philly (July 13th weekend, to visit GF friends) a trip from Denver - St Louis (July 27th, golf trip without her) and a trip from Denver - Vegas (August 3rd weekend, our friends Bday).

As you see the only weekend that is open for the next 5 weekends is now the weekend her friend is getting proposed to. I am friends with these two people but not nearly as close as my GF is. I feel like this is a situation where she should be going by herself as she wants to go & and I should not feel guilty for not going. She says “If it’s somewhere you would want me to go, I would go” and it makes me feel guilty. I feel like a bad BF if I do not go, but I truly do not want to with all these other weekends traveling. What is the healthy way to deal with this situation?

","The level of traveling you're planning already is going to be exhausting, and our bodies need rest. And if we don't give it to ourselves, it will force us to stop- by getting sick. If you don't want to go, it may be an indication that you need rest.

Maybe instead of saying you don't want to go, you could reframe it as you can't go because you already planned to rest and recover that weekend.","Just communicate. Let her know you do care about her, but you're traveling SO much more than usual during this period that you just need a break. Her wants and needs aren't the only ones that matter in your relationship, and there needs to be some give and take. If she can't accept that, then it's something the two of you need to discuss about compatibility in your relationship in general. Needing one weekend of five to unwind and relax at home is a perfectly normal and healthy request. That doesn't mean she has to stay home too, but you don't have to be joined at the hip at all times when your wants and needs differ occasionally.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
262,"I'm going to say the most cringe thing on planet earth, however, I'm working on being less socially awkward and there's this cute Walmart employee I would like to ask out.

1. He's at least 4 years older than me. (Good, because that's my type but not very socially acceptable.)
2. I have a habit of being awkward and being far too intense.

I'm debating trying my luck and just going and asking, but I'm also very nervous.

He's just so cute and I get really excited and hyper.","You are female and him male? Don't dox yourself but is 4 years older closer to them being 20 or them being 50? You are just a customer and not a coworker? All those have some slight bearing. But  I think it would be OK. But if he says no, don't keep asking",Why wouldn’t you try your luck?,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
330,"Not really what you'd think lol 

My spouse and I have been married for about 15 years. They came out as Trans/ACE. We have a great partnership - coparent, split finances, live as best friend roommates. There is zero sexual or overly intimate (cuddles, kisses, etc.) between us. They are perfectly happy, and all of their needs are met. 

However, some of my needs are not being met. The intimacy, having a masculine presence, etc.. It was suggested that I start dating.

My question: I am married. I have a roommate who is also my child's parent. The relationship is strictly platonic. How would I address this with potential dates? Would dates even be possible?

*No we aren't planning on divorcing or living apart. It isn't financially smart, nor does it align with how we parent and want our kid raised.* I am looking for masculine friends who can (hopefully) fill the need for intimacy (no ons, f.buddy, etc relationship).*","When/if you get on tinder or another dating app or if you're already on dating apps, be sure to specify in big letters in your bio ""POLYAMOROUS"" or something similar so people have an idea of what's in store. When it comes time to divulge details, just say everything you have said here.","Put your status on dating apps as polyamorous. When people reach out, explain to them what you explained to us. You'll probably get a bunch of guys looking to hook up and bounce, which I don't get the impression is what you want, but you may also have an issue with guys opening up and being intimate with you when you still live with the child's other parent.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
390,"Age gap couple… advice please

Hello, so I rarely if ever post but need some advice. 
I met a man who is 14 years my senior (28f and 42m). We started talking and absolutely hit it off about 4 months ago after knowing each other since the last 2 years under other circumstances. We currently are long distance as we met while I was traveling for work. We have spent a few weekends together, and spend every evening talking for hours and throughout the day message or have short phone calls. We just click… he says things that align with my thinking and there’s no way for him to know how I think about those topics. 
Here’s the thing, he is halfway through a divorce and has two kids. Everything regarding the situation, that he’s told me about, has checked out so far. I have not met the kids, but one is excited to meet me, the other is more hesitant. My parents don’t love the situation, and I can understand why but they also have no interest in meeting him which would help explain things I believe. I don’t think there’s anyway for them to get it… I am just slightly lost. Is it really an impossible situation? Any advice? Thank you in advance! 
","Very much do not recommend getting involved with a guy in the middle of a divorce. Think of the kids and how they feel. Their entire world is upside down and now you’re swooping in replacing their mom with their dad. Also what if they reconcile he has so much on his plate getting his kids situated and you have your parents to think of do you want to lose them over him? Plus you’re an insta mom and you’re going to have to be his caretaker in about 20 years.

  
edit do you want kids? He might not want more and then what?",what do you think makes this impossible?,Commentator's opinion,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
188,"so me and my boyfriend were hanging out and he noticed my earrings, and theyr little hoops with a gem and they look like wedding rings. he was putting my hair behind my ear and noticed them and stopped in his tracks and got all flustered and said they looked like wedding rings.. then said he wish i could buy a wedding ring for each of my fingers… does he like me?!?!?",What?,Stay off drugs,Not Relevant,Hurtful,Comment 2,part 3
229,"What did you do? Eg coffee, drinks, an activity, something else?",Went to get ice cream at night. Ended up taking her out in the middle of nowhere to see the stars. Parked and sat on the car for a few hours. We ended up doing it again a few months later to see a meteor shower and ended up seeing a rocket launch at the same time. We’re married now,drinks turned into dinner -> late night car drive singalong -> sex -> cuddle -> sex ( morning ) -> breakfast. I was in vacation visiting another city so it couldn't work out but I wished it never end :(,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
319,"I’m 25m, she’s 25f. So long story short, I met this girl at work through tinder. She works in a different department but at the same site. Anyway, she was cool and we started chatting. She said she’s never been in a relationship which is fair enough, and she was ready for one which is what I’m in the search for. Anyway, we went on a few dates, kissing, sex and all was seeming well, then just out of no where, I’m not ready for a relationship can we just be friends. I asked her, please don’t break my big heart at the start, if you don’t think you’re ready please let’s just, we’ll leave it here, but she insisted she was ready and now here we are. I just dunno how to react. I’m frustrated, slightly angry and don’t want to waste anymore time with her but we work for the same company and cross paths occasionally…",She didn't use you. You can't reallyy know how you will feel in a situation until you are experiencing it. And for some reason the experience of dating you didn't live up to her expectations.,"Grow up. 


She doesn't owe you sex or a relationship. She can consent to whatever she wants and if not, that's none of your business. 


Leave her alone. And no, she didn't 'use' you, you're just whining because you didn't get what you want. This is a tantrum and nothing more.",Commentator's opinion,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
273,"Anytime there's a minor inconvenience in his life, he tends to cope through food. It annoys me and it worries me. He has several lifestyle related health issues like diabetes, cholesterol and high BP. He usually binges on fried junk food. He also has a soft spot for rice and eats a lot of it. Most of his meals are very rice heavy which is not got for disbetes. 
We don't have healthy communication in the family. I believe he has several unresolved issues but he refuses to go for therapy. He generally gets very defensive when anyone points out any flaw of his. How can I bring up delicately and respectfully? ",You don't need to bring it up. He should get medical and nutritional advice from his doctors. He is an adult and can make his own choices to follow that advice or not.,I know this isn't the answer u want but I'm not really sure what u can do. You can try talking to him and telling him your concerns but he's an adult whose going to do what he's going to do.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
208,"Hi! So I’m 19 years old and I’ve been on dating apps for about 9 months now. I’ve been on about 30 first dates with 30 different guys. About 10 of them have turned into longer flings  (4-7ish dates). But every situation has ended after about 3 weeks. I’ve never had something last longer than a month. (I’m not sleeping with any of these guys) but It’s still very draining on my mental health to constantly go through the spiral of getting my hopes up on a new guy just for it to end like the rest of them. I can’t help but think something is wrong with me and it’s an emotional spiral that I don’t know how much more of it I can take. I know the easy answer is to get off the apps but I want to be in a relationship, I just don’t know how much more of the ups and downs of dating I’m able to take. And any new guy I start talking to, I just think to myself that he’s gonna end up like all of the rest of them. Is this a normal experience? And how can I protect my mental health going through this process?","yeah its a normal experience. im a little older and no longer get excited with new matches. most of the time the women dont respond, take forever to respond(days). if they do, its a dry conversation and all they do is answer questions.","STOP DATING APP. It meant to get you addicted and never truly connect in the first place, because it's fleeting by nature.  
  
Find some hobbies that attract both gender, make friends there, goes to party and find a boyfriend THERE ! Fuck online dating.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
367,"F22, M21. long story short, ive tried to break up with him multiple times. hes not really listening and is having a hard time letting go. what should i do to give him the ick and just stop liking me?","You just focus on breaking up and he will eventually heal and find someone he likes, who also likes him. Tell him you are breaking up and stop answering his texts and calls.","Make out with a much bigger dude in front of him. Not good advice, but you were involved with a walking red flag and you're suffering the fallout.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
164,Me and my now ex have had a very complicated relationship. He has always been emotionally abusive in arguments and when we are not arguing he makes small digs at me that slowly eat away at my self confidence. When we argue he calls me things like a “failure” “weak” he will bring up all of my short comings and anything i’ve ever told him out of vulnerability. Recently we had a terrible fight and he said more horrible things to me and i got to angry i grabbed him by his face and I put my hands on him. He has also put his hands on me in some occasions which he says is not comparable to when i’ve find it because he did not leave me bruised and he felt remorse. I feel so terrible and now we are over. He is calling me an abuser and says we can never be together but i feel this is not fair. I do not feel justified in hitting him but i feel i was pushed to my limit. I hit him and had a panic attack and shortly admitted myself into the psych ward i have never felt such intense anger. I fear i have snapped and there is no going back. ,"No its reactive abuse. He is trying to break you down so you react negatively and then use that to portray you as the bad person so you feel guilty. 
There is two things either he wanted out and tried to make it your fault to hide his wrong doings.
Or he is manipulative, trying to make be tied to him by abandoning you.
Let him go he will make your life hell.",You had a toxic relationship.  He was verbally abusive.  He was the initial abuser. You need to cut him out of your life 100%.  No decent man is ever going to verbally abuse you.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
258,"I (20F) recently broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year (LDR) and three guys i knew IRL simultaneously entered my life. I have been sexually active with all three, ofc after letting them know I was. I’ve know them for a month, and guy #1 (23) wants to commit to monogamy since he realized he liked me too much to “keep it casual”, and I’m having a hard time deciding what i want. He feels uncomfortable that I’m meeting other people, and he said he wouldn’t be okay with seeing someone that didn’t choose him over seeing others. It’s understandable, but it puts me in a situation where I feel like i’m already prepping for a new relationship. On one hand, i’m newly single and seeing who I am most compatible with, but on the other, i do genuinely have a liking to him and he’s very caring. We had a deep conversation where i sobbed for 3 hours because I wasn’t sure what decision would be best for me. He’s everything that screams BF material, and i enjoy the time we have together. We’re also compatible, but i also have trauma with men becoming infatuated and then leaving. I also seem to be compatible with the other dudes I’m talking to, since all of them have told me that they’ve “never connected with someone like this before”. (You tend to hear that a lot as a woman.) I’m also very good friends with the other two guys i’m talking to, and i would also like the time to get to know them. I feel guilty and selfish for wanting to hang out with them more before committing. It also makes me sad that I won’t be able to be friends with them if I do commit, but I’m scared of losing guy #1. I'm genuinely so conflicted, and i dont know what i should do. 
",Dig into their socials to find out who’s been untruthful with you - should help weed out the bad ones,"you're fresh out of a relationship so guy #1 might be a rebound. hes probably everything  your ex wasnt or doing things that your ex didnt.

you sure you want to jump into a relationship right after ending one? whats more important to you? ""me time"" or being with someone?",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
386,"I (28M) matched a girl on Hinge and we hit things off. We arranged a date for a weeks time but I said let's get a brief call in before then (it's something I do as a pre-screen before I commit a whole evening to someone). We were set to have the call and she replied the night before and the morning of, then stopped messaging around 1pm - I had no inclination to think she wouldn't follow through with the call.

I'm a super busy person and value time, so not only do I not like wasting my own time but I treat other people's time with exactly the same level of respect as I do my own (just to be clear). So when it got to the evening and she never replied (even after a nudge text at 6pm) I was pretty pissed off. I had come home specifically to chat to her and cut other commitments short to accomadate her.

I ended up sending her a message the following afternoon saying roughly: 'I would have appreciated a text as I had put aside time in my evening to speak to you. This isn't the most considerate behaviour I've seen and not a cute look, you came across as someone who I thought would have better manners than this but I guess I was wrong"".

Granted it was a a slightly 'sharp' response, but I don't think it was out of pocket when I sent it. She responded saying I should be more considerate of what other's are going through and that my default reaction should be kindness..... but shouldn't her advice include taking the 5 seconds to text that they can't make time for the call? - I feel like she just wanted to gaslight me and avoid accountability.

I'm finding this behaviour more and more common, so have been feeling more inclined to call the behaviour out. Ghosting by definition is psychopathic and I'm really tired of it being an acceptable norm and genuinely want to start biting back instead of just letting things slide - people are too detached from what a scummy thing to do it really is. What are people's thoughts on sending messages like these when someone acts in these disregarding ways?","I would have given her the benefit of the doubt the first time around but at the same time I can’t blame you at all. Unless if her phone broke or died she could’ve taken the time out of her day to let you know something. I think your feelings are valid here, nobody likes having their time wasted.","NTA but also, you think she cares? Your text has had no impact on her.  If I ghosted someone, your text really would have made me lol.  So from her perspective, the ghosting was totally worth it. ",Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
245,"Not sure if this is the right sub but it deals with “dating” so here I go.

I(30f) have been friends with Sam(35m) for 3 years, we recently stepped in the next stage of “talking”. He is very sweet,but one thing I cannot get over is his lack of financial planning.

Sam lives in the country and rent is no more than $550-$600 with utilities/car insurance included he pays no more than $900 a month. I live in the city and pay 2x that amount. I make good money but I am also very cheap and know how to save/spend. Sam eats out EVRYDAY. I have talked to him about his spending habits, eating at home VS eating out everyday. It’s gets nowhere

Recently I just got the ICK when he asked me for $3 and said he will pay me back. We got into an argument because of this like come tf on bro. Few days go by and TODAY he asks if I could buy him groceries for him and his daughter. Like $40 worth. 

Would I be wrong to buy them and then block him?

Ps he makes decent money to live where he is at. He could be saving $500-700 a month but as I stated very bad with money. ",Acts of kindness getting abused. They will learn the hard way and hopefully try to save some money. If they ask for money and i do help. Its a one and done deal.,"Nope, I can see where you're coming from and it'll just continue to happen if you stay with him.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
285,"I (25f) have been talking to this guy (27m) for a few weeks now and the situation is straight up something I can’t believe is happening to me.

We met on a dating app. When I first saw his profile, I was like this guy is a model it has to be someone catfishing with his pics. He’s as tall, dark, and handsome as it gets. I told myself what the hell and took the chance to match with him anyway. We end up on FaceTime and I’m like holyyy shiiii he’s real.

We keep talking and add each other on social media. He has thousands of followers. He’s a soon to be doctor, a former professional athlete, and has a ton of friends. I on the other hand have less than 200 followers, hardly post, and a very small social circle. He’s always out and I’m a homebody.

We’ve gone on a few dates now and he’s still showing so much interest. He’s been nothing but sweet, kind, and respectful. Always texting me, calling, planning dates, and respecting my boundaries around intimacy.

I really like his personality too. I thought I wouldn’t because I despise all social media and he has quite a social media image, but he’s so much more deep than what his pictures portray.

I never once mentioned this to him, but I have no idea why he’s supposedly so interested in me. I’m objectively not as attractive or social as him. I’d say I’m cute, have a pretty fit body, and also a doctor, but it’s nothing compared to the girls following him. I know people stare at us when we walk down the street together. They probably thinking wtf why is someone so hot with her???

I see myself sabotaging this in the future. I never once mentioned how I feel or ask why me. But it just feels too good to be true to me. Do I talk to him about the obvious?",Maybe it's not as obvious as you think. Just roll with it.  He might be looking for something real.  He's probably got more to him than looks.,I’ve seen a ton of happy couples in a similar situation like yours. Chill out and don’t sabotage yourself. Also don’t tell him this stuff! You are doing great,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
223,"Been with BF for year and a half now. 

BF’s younger cousin came over during the weekend for a visit. They haven’t seen each other for quite a while.  Generally had a good time, but I noticed tiny moments where he ‘kinda’ left me out especially when the three of us are walking together. He would walk and speak to her and I would try and keep up with the pace but generally stays out of the conversation. 

When it’s time for her to head back, we walked her to the station. Halfway through the journey I had to slow down my pace cause I’m tired, they keep walking ahead and not once my BF looked back to check whether I’m keeping up with them or not. 

I kept to my slow pace but I can’t stop thinking about how if I just stopped walking my BF probably wouldn’t notice at all until his cousin point it out. Tbf we’re in a bit of a rush, but we did arrive 10mins early.

This happened once too when his parents came for a visit and he just walked ahead of his parents and leave me walking behind his parents. His parents took better care of me by not having me walked alone behind them.

To be clear I do not place any blame on his cousin at all, she’s super lovely and I’m really glad she came over. But her visit does make these moments stand out and starting to make me question my relationship with BF. 

When it’s just the two of us he doesn’t do that at all. It’s just when his family is around, even then it’s not often.

I just feel so hurt when I’m made aware of these little things, that I questioned whether he cares if I’m around or not, whether he even considers me as his GF, or even if he loves me,  and I want to communicate this to BF but doesn’t want to make a fight out of it. 

Any advice on how to do that? 
",Communicate. It is better to have a small argument than to let it fester. My first relationship died because of communication issues.,"Men are dubious at times. He may not even realize what he's doing.  The only way he will know that it bothers you is if you tell him.  

""Hey babe, you probably dont realize this, but I just want to let you know that when you walk fast ahead of me, I feel ignored and left out. Please try not to leave me behind again. It hurts my feelings.""",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
382,"A few days ago, I met this girl IRL. We only knew each other by sight, as she's friends with some of my friends and came along with them to hang out. We ended up having a normal, friendly chat that night. A few hours after we parted ways, she sent me a follow request on Instagram. I accepted and followed her back. I know people following each other on social media after meeting is normal, but I had a feeling something was coming... I was right.

The next day, she sent me a DM. She wanted to share something related to our conversation from the night before and wanted my opinion on it. She had a video to share, but it was too long to send on Instagram, so she asked for my number to send it (I knew this was the “perfect setup” for her to talk to me more). Now, this would have been fine if I had any real interest in her, but I don't. I hate giving false hopes and feeding conversations with girls I'm not interested in (relationship-wise). I know some guys like the attention, but I genuinely hate playing with someone's feelings and emotions, so I always avoid stretching conversations for too long.

Well, we ended up texting a bit that day because I wanted to help her out and be nice. But the conversation dragged on, and I got the feeling she was interested in me, even though neither of us flirted or she said anything explicit that said so. I waited for it to become a bit “dry” and stopped responding. She texted me again the next day. We talked a bit, and when the conversation was winding down, she left me with a “tell me more about you.” At that moment, I knew I was in trouble and didn't know what to do. I didn't want to ghost her or be rude, so I kept the conversation going one more time.

Like I said, this isn't the first time I've been in a situation where I feel ""trapped"" in a conversation with a girl. Usually, they give up when the convo becomes ""dead,"" but once, I gave too much attention and the girl ended up getting hurt. I don't want that to happen again. 

Almost a week has passed since we first met, and she keeps texting me, even when I don't respond for almost a full day or leave dry messages. She's not annoying, and the topics she brings up aren't boring or forced. I enjoy talking to her and she is genuinely a nice person, but I don't want her to develop strong feelings for me. Maybe she just wants a friend and I don´t mind being friends with her, but that's it.

Please, help me. How do I get out of a situation like this?","tell her you are not interested in her romantically, or you are not looking for a relationship now or tell her you have a girlfriend and fake having one","This part;

“Maybe she just wants a friend and I don´t mind being friends with her, but that's it.”

Lay out your intentions, be direct. This can be done tastefully, but sounds like she needs to understand there’s nothing more.. which many people won’t unless they are told. 

It does sound like she’s interested & if/when you advise her that you legit don’t want anything more than friends she may completely back off.. if nothing else she’ll know where you stand.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
358,"This might be a stupid question, but talking to guys online/in dating apps it’s something I wonder. I know a lot of people are self conscious & might assume I’m being superficial & I don’t want to offend them. It doesn’t play a factor in if I’m interested in them but I will picture myself with the person throughout the day and I want to really be able to imagine would it would be like to lay/stand next to them, or to hug them. 
 The last guy I met with I truly thought he’d be much shorter than me from pictures but he was actually way taller and it was a bit intimidating being caught off guard lol. 


Edit: I will like him if he is short (like I imagine), I will like him if he is tall. I do not have a preference. Please stop trying to tell me what ~I~ like. ",What's a good way to tell you you're being superficial without outright saying that you are?,"It's a pretty inherently superficial question, so there isn't really a way to ask it that won't come across as superficial",Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
206,"I met someone on a dating app 2 months ago and since then, we've been on 3 dates. We haven't seen each other for a month now and talking to him over the phone is shit. He's a dry texter, and I mean DRY. He replies once a day. He said he prefers talking in person, which I did notice from those 3 dates. I should mention that we met on an adult dating app, which basically are just for hookups, fwb's, etc. But, on those 3 dates, nothing really happened. It was just a wholesome and fun hangout/date for me but I enjoyed them. We haven't talked since last week when I tried to make plans (for our next day out) and he said he wanted to rest instead. Personally, I understand that, but I can't help but overthink this as him not wanting to go out with me anymore?

I recently got on another dating app (a real dating app this time) and I came across his profile. I know he has a profile on that app as he's told me before so i wasnt surprised. I was just wondering if it would be okay to start another (dreaded) conversation with him and tell him that I came across his profile on that app? Or would that be too creepy? or desperate? or what?",I mean you had to create an account and go up there to even see it. Idk what you plan on getting out of bringing this up. I would just not mention it.,"it doesn’t really matter what you say to him tbh. you’re not exclusive and you’re both doing your thing as you said you’re on an app for fwb, etc. however if you’re not having sex then there’s really not much to talk about imo unless feelings change for either of you. if you’re not getting what you want, ask for it or move on",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
268,"Context: Girlfriend and I are both attending the same school where we met at the start of last quarter. We have been together about 4 months. Over the summer, I left to go back home, and she stayed up at school, which is about 3 hours from me. Before I left, we agreed to stay exclusive to one and other, while also agreeing to visit one and other as often as possible. 


My (20M)Girlfriend (20F) called me yesterday and asked if we could go on a no-contact no-commitment break over the summer because she has too much going on with work and other personal things.  This seemed very out of the blue, and I wasn’t very interested in having much of a conversation about it because I was so caught off guard. I texted her afterwards apologizing for my lack of communication, and asked if we could have another conversation about it. I am fine with going on a break if that’s what she needs, but I am not okay with both of us seeing other people for two months, and then getting back together in the fall like it didn’t happen. 


Would it be unreasonable of me to request that we remain committed to eachother despite being on a break? 


Any other advice/opinions on the matter are also appreciated, i’m feeling a bit lost. I like this girl a lot, and I want this to last. 
",Bruh she wants to fuck other people let’s use some common sense.,"Break up and move on. 

She won't respect the exclusivity deal anyway",Hurtful,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
395,"We have been dating for almost 5 years. At the beginning of our relationship, I asked him to take pictures of and post the ring for sale on his eBay. He said the quality of the diamond was low and that he couldn’t sell it. He kept on saying he had it and it was safe with him every time I asked him. I didn’t care much for the ring as it came from my ex who ended up being abusive hence the reason why I divorced him. My kids were involved in the proposal and when I saw them standing there with my boyfriend while he was proposing even though I recognized the ring, I just couldn’t say no. This whole situation is making me feel kid of tricked and disappointed. This is definitely not how I wanted the next phase of the relationship to begin. I talked to him about it and he said he might get a different ring but I’m feeling almost resentful about it. How should I deal with this situation?  ",Who would propose to their gf with her ex’s ring? To me it would show the level of commitment he’s on if he can’t even buy me a ring.,"Dude is too cheap, lazy, and too stupid to not realize your old wedding/engagement ring would not be a welcome gift. Better to end it now than have a life of misery and resentment with him.

""Hey, I bought you a car, its just your old car that you gave to me to sell but I am giving it back to you as a gift to show that I love you, also it has memorabilia from your abusive relationship in it to remind you of what you went through.""",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
217,"So long story short, 6th of june we had unprotected sex. She is on birth control.
The thing is she is not really consistent with the BCs cause she always goes to volleyball training and ends at the evening and once she arrives home, she is too tired to even do anything she just sleeps. She would take the pill she missed on the next day and then yeah.

Now, she just had a breakthrough bleeding (spotting) and we are both anxious cause of the “what ifs”

I didn’t finish inside her so it lessens the chances.

She doesn’t wanna take a pregnancy test because shes too scared to.

Her last period was 17th of May to the 23rd of May.

Women of TikTok what does it mean?","If she cannot take the pill in the evening why isn’t she taking it in the morning… 

Take a test. That’s how you find out.",Take. The. Test. Get answers NOW or hide your heads in the sand and have to deal with more serious consequences later.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
199,"Hi Reddit,

I'm in a really tough spot right now and could use some advice. My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been together for over three years. We both have a strict no-clubbing policy to avoid anything that might jeopardize our relationship. He recently moved to Italy, and I'm in Asia. During the early stages of our relationship, I went to a few parties because my friends forced me. He made a huge fuss about it and even threatened me, despite knowing I’m not a party person.

Fast forward to now, he shared his iCloud ID with me so I could help him fix his LinkedIn and make professional accounts on Behance. While doing this, I saw videos of him at a club, zooming in on girls, and also noticed verification codes for Tinder and Hinge on his email. When I confronted him, he got furious, accused me of being suspicious for no reason, and claimed it was an old video his friend shared with him.

I know it wasn't an old video because the event took place last night, as confirmed by his Google Maps location. He also mentioned that boys do this kind of stuff and share it with their friends, but the timestamps on the videos were just 15 minutes apart. This is making me very suspicious.

Additionally, he's been going to pubs where girls are apparently asking him for hookups, and he's receiving emails from OnlyFans. I'm devastated, and my mind keeps replaying that video. My hands are shaking, and I'm having panic attacks. I don’t know how to process this or what to do next.

Any advice on how to move forward and confront him would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.","You can't move forward from that.

You two had a strict no-clubbing policy. 

And you couldn't have more proof... 

He's also on tinder, onlyfans, etc... LDR

Hilarious to say you're suspicious when you have proof. 

Why are you wasting your time on this?

Just curious, whose idea was it originally to have a strict no partying policy?","He's actively cheating on you. Dating sites? I mean, if it hasn't gotten physical YET then it's only because he hasn't had to chance to yet. And he's obviously not following the ""no clubbing"" boundary.

There's no point in confronting him. He's obviously lying to you, and will just continue to do so. 

Just break up. ...And get tested.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
340,"my boyfriend and I have been together for over 1.5 years. We hang out alot, he normally initiates it and is good at balancing me with his friends, alone time, work and school. 

I notice that when he does ask to hang out, which is more than 4 times a week I always say yes. He’s still in school so he has a part time job that’s 4-cl and I have a full time 8-5. We normally hang out when he’s off and finishes at the gym. Even though I should probably be sleeping by the time he’s back for the gym, He still comes over or vice versa. 

Sometimes (which is rarely) when I ask him to hang out he’ll say he’s tired from work or wants to hop on the game but he’ll see me in a day or two. I have run into the issue that whenever he asks me, I always say yes even though I know I should take a rest or watch some tv by myself. He lives with his two best friends and I currently live alone, so I feel like I’m always alone and want to be with him. He doesn’t have that problem.

Today is sunday and he suggested that I come over after I finish my reset (we saw each other wednesday through saturday evening). In my head I know i should probably get to bed early for work- but I really would like to see him. I’m trying to figure out how to balance and just say no when I know I should probably stay home, or if it’s even healthy that I am so quick to say yes to hang out with him (or seeming desperate). 

TDLR: I have trouble saying no to hang out with my bf because i hate being alone. He’s fine with taking time for himself whenever he wants a day or two alone. I feel desperate. ",Just say you think it's better to go to bed early for work. Tell him you'll see him the next day or something.,"Make a schedule of when you guys see each other. If it’s outside of the regular schedule, you don’t have to feel guilty for saying no. Also, it’s okay to want to see him frequently as long as you aren’t codependent and you don’t make him feel bad when he needs a break.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
191,"The meme is the one where people say, when Asian women date outside their race it’s only white guys. 

Just want to make it clear that I don’t believe in making generalizations about people. I don’t use the meme and it’s just something I keep running into online. Also I hope that this doesn’t turn into a type vs fetish conversation lol. For simplicity let’s just say external factors are the reason why I have a type. 

For context I’m a hispanic male in mid 20s. Like I know that it’s extremely common and there is nothing wrong with it. But I also realize that an extreme generalization about people does not apply to everyone. Since I know of people that break the stereotype. I’ve also been involved in situations that go against this stereotype.

I feel in my case there have been a couple instances where things don’t work out for an unexplainable reason. Then the brain looks for random things that could explain why things did not work out.",Perhaps getting off the Internet will be helpful.,Tell us more about your dates and your dating life and I bet we can point your brain on the right direction 😉,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
368,"This is so stupid compared to all the other posts in here but I just genuinely don’t know what to do. 

For context, we were in a 8 month talking stage & he asked me out right before my girls trip to DR in March, however we made it clear that we were only talking to each other prior to dating. 

In January, I found out he was messaging this girl he had a previous fling with last year. I asked him about it and he said he was just asking her to get his speaker back. Then I dropped it. 

My boyfriend is a well known guy in our city, & he’s attractive. He gets a lot of attention from other girls, he follows some attractive girls, but I never cared because he gave me a sense of stability. I don’t care when he goes out with his friends, simply because I trust him, but now I don’t. 

Recently I saw screenshots of the conversation (friend showed me), he was asking to see her, was saying she’s looking good- basically pursuing her. 

We had a conversation about it, he apologized about it. I felt stable in my relationship with him up until this point, I hate being lied to. He said he didn’t hang out w her, then said he went to pick up his speaker & she just gave it to him while he was in his car- but I kind of don’t really believe that at all

I know we weren’t dating, but exclusivity was established by this time. Even though it happened in the past, I don’t know how to bring it up with him & get the truth out. I feel like he may be lying, but I don’t want to continue badgering him about this if he is telling the truth. 

I know this is so stupid, I just feel so overwhelmed so I turned to reddit for help lol ",[deleted],Reflect on Your Feelings: It's important to acknowledge how you feel about the situation. Trust your instincts and recognize that your feelings are valid.,Not Relevant,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
221,"I’m 33, My wife of 12 years recently decided we should split up, I have a 5 year old son who I share custody with and I have had a vacectomy as I don’t want any more children.
I have never dated anyone all throughout my 20s other than my ex wife.
I’m not really sure how to proceed as I don’t rate my chances and to be honest I’m scared
Any advice?","Disclaimer, I'm a bit younger than you are, but I think the advice still holds. The worst thing anyone can do when it comes to dating is self eliminate. I get that you don't feel like you have reasons to be confident considering how long you've been away from the dating world. At the end of the day though, all that fundamentally matters is 1) having, knowing, and displaying your own value and 2) finding the right person for yourself. 

Everything else will fall into place. Put yourself out there, know your worth, and be confident in your worth. If you don't think you got this, then you don't. I'm not saying to blow smoke up your own ass either, but there's no need to give up before the battle begins.","Bro… 34M with a 7 year old daughter 50/50 custody . I have zero problems getting 1 night stands or getting into relationships. Also, I live with my rents bc I got destroyed in court by my cheating spouse. Get on the apps and go on many dates as you like. First few you will eff up like me lol. Bc it is weird. With time and experience you will not have a problem.",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
256,"He wasn't like this in the beginning, but as we got closer, he got more comfortable. It hasn't even been two months since we met, and I already told him how hurtful it is to be left on read. He apologized and promised to be more considerate, but he always uses the excuse, ""I'm always so busy"" (he works in private equity investments).

He asked me out for brunch today, but I wasn't feeling well, so I apologized and offered to do dinner after work on Monday. He said he's busy and suggested we rain check for next Sunday because he's going out of town mid-week. After that, he left me on read again.

I don't know what to do with this guy. I like him, but I feel like I'm begging for attention. Should I move on or stick with the date and talk to him in person about this? If so, how should I bring it up?","""Sorry but I'm looking for someone who is more available and less busy. I'm looking for a serious relationship and it doesn't seem like I'm going to get that with you""","Stick with the date and discuss it in person, if it continues then move on, people are busy and some are legit not good texters, I consider myself to be pretty fast replying specially when Im interested, but still sometimes I forget to reply or take sometime before realizing, it happens, just be clear and discuss it",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
300,"I will try to keep this short. My boyfriend and I use third party social media to send impromptu private and risqué photos. We FaceTimed this morning as usual, and I could see that he was in the mood, and he asked for photo to help take care of him. I happily obliged and sent the photo. However, the aftermath of this is where I am stuck. After receiving the notification that he opened my photo, my BF was silent on the call and spoke only once to call me pretty. The next 5-7 minutes were silent and I had no clue what to do/say. Then, he enthusiastically says, “hey baby!”, and I ask him if he had done anything with my photo and he replied that he already saw it and finished to it. I was kind of in shock and even now I just don’t understand his thought process. I would’ve like to been included or even told about what he was doing, not just have it mentioned to me after the fact, especially since I was literally on the phone with him. I feel like it was common sense to follow through considering he initiated here and any other time we’ve done this both parties were active on the call. Was it a fluke? He said he doesn’t know why he did it and it had nothing to do with embarrassment or nervousness. Am I right to feel used/betrayed/hurt or am I totally blowing this out of proportion?","that sounds like a very small thing to be betrayed by.  He used YOUR picture to get off to.  Yeah it's a little weird when you think about it, but it's not like he was doing it out of attraction for someone else.  

If you want him to get involved then get yourself involved too, make it mutual",Bro what do even think he did obv jerked off lmao 😂,Practical Advice,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
174,"This occurred a few months ago, but I've been thinking about it a lot. One night, while having sex with my boyfriend, we were in the missionary position with my legs on his shoulders, which allowed for fairly deep penetration, though not deep enough to cause pain at the time. Immediately after, I began to feel a light pain on one side of my abdomen. The pain worsened when I got home, and I couldn't sleep because it was so intense. The next morning, the pain was still present, but it had become sharp. I was worried I might have appendicitis or something similar. The pain became so severe that I nearly went to the hospital, but fortunately, it subsided after taking a few painkillers. What do you think might have happened? I Googled it and found that I might have ruptured an ovarian cyst, but I'm not sure.
.","He was probably hitting it, too rough. But still wrong place to post this",Why are you asking us? We're not doctors.,Commentator's opinion,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
333,"My (38M) girlfriend (31F) of almost 2 years moved in with me last week. In the weeks leading up to it we were fighting more and more to the point where we almost called the move, and almost even the relationship, off. After taking some space to gain clarity and peace again, I came back every time telling her that we should give it another try, lessons learned, let's be better.

Our relationship dynamic is classic avoidant (me) with anxious attachment (her). However, I feel I deserve a medal or something, for the enormous progress I have made to opening my heart more, doing what feels like ""risking"" intimacy and staying present. I really want to make it work this time, because after a divorce 7 years ago and 3 failed relationships after that, I'm just tired of failing relationships and take responsibility for my contributions to those failures. As a matter of fact, I was the one who always breaks up. So I'm trying something new - find a quality partner and stick it out.

So I've been regulating my reactions and mood exceptionally well even if I have to say so myself. I don't snap at her, there are no sting in my tone of voice. However she just can't seem to help herself sometimes. Getting short, cold, critical. And these things flair up my anxieties. I also feel a sort of anger, because the things she says is falsely accusatory and overall just super negative energy to be around. She wasn't always like this, but after learning about how overbearing and dominating and bullying her father was when growing up, it's like she's still acting out against that, even today. She needs to be loud and be heard because her voice was always silenced when she was young.

Either way, it makes me to overall feel quite miserable much of the time. It feels like I have to walk on eggshells, or she'll just explode. I don't know when she's okay and when not. Trying to bring things I feel is important to discuss up with her is received extremely poorly. And all these behaviours only came out about 6 months ago. I feel my happiness has taken a severe knock. All I am left to do is try to forgive her as best I can and meet her again with care and love.

Is it supposed to feel this miserable? I thought I'd really give a long-term relationship an honest try, and thought she would be a good partner, but I'm hating most of it right now. Please give me some advice or hope?? Thank you.",Maybe therapy could be helpful so you both can learn how to communicate the right way with each other?,"Why would you actively choose to stay in a situation that makes you miserable just for the sake of ""sticking it out""?",Practical Advice,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
210,"I have been with my bf for about 3 years,we met on a dating app when we were freshly 18. Throughout the years he has had a lot of home life issues which caused him to be jobless and homeless for a bit. He is a good man but just seems to have been dealt with the worst cards in life. Here’s my issue, he moved in suddenly with me and my folks about a year ago. We agreed to split the bills and rent as long as he worked. He had a job for about 6-7 months then quit and went on a trip with his friends. I embarrassingly lent him money for the trip since he didn’t have enough to cover his half. He didn’t get a job till about 4-5ish months later. Which left me paying for just about everything, Including his half of rent. He unfortunately didn’t have any money saved either, even after being payed weekly. He used daily pay constantly even after I expressed my concerns with his financial decisions. I love him very much but I think its finally time to break it off. The thing is that I worry about where he will go after if I do break up with him. He has no nearby family(family moved out of state and are estranged) and I worry about his mental health. Financial problems have been a constant strain in the relationship, I work a decent job and make enough for us to scrape by but it has been starting to eat away at my savings. Even at the beginning of our relationship ive been the one paying, even when I only worked for minimum wage. I understand how expensive moving out can be and I worry that I’ll just be putting him out on the streets. I try my best to understand how he must be feeling about our current circumstances but I feel as if it’s costing me my mental health and well being. How do I approach this with him? ","You guys are so young and you don't owe him figuring out his life for him. We are all responsible for ourselves. You have already done more than enough housing him and paying for his rent/letting him live with you.

Do you see yourself with him long-term? Don't allow any guilt on what cards both of you were dealt with and just do what's best for you. Anything could happen in the future, and you may regret allowing him to take advantage of you for so long.",Leave that beta guy and choose a real man this time.,Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
226,"Title says it. My pregnant wife  went to the ends of the earth to start a fight over anything she could. She'd even make up stories and fight with me as if they were real. She 9 months pregnant with my baby and literally caused a huge scene to leave me today like and Unbelievable seen try to make me look like so monster I'm not. I'm actually a really good guy and am so inlove with her I'll never unstand this, but she did all this so she can feel like running to another man 9 months pregnant is justified. Masking her horrible scandalous most disgusting ways. I'm destroyed by her actions. But most of all I'm destroyed for my daughter. I now won't see my baby girl be born😭 she know will come I to this world with out a full family instead a nasty war her mother decided she'd rather do. How disgusting is this. Why is there such evil in this world. I'll never understand how some1 could do such a horrid thing to some1 that has only ever wanted 1 thing and that was to lover and have a nice family for out daughters.  This is the most insane thing I've ever had to witness and it's heartbreaking. It's destroyed my soul. My poor baby man this is so messed up. What is your guy's view on this? Tell me what you would do?? This is the husband speaking on her account. I hope you guys have some well spoken words for her.? She's 'f26' me 'm27'.",Paternity tests x2 then see a lawyer.,"Hopefully, the kid isn't yours, so u can leave her and not have to pay child support. You'd be dodging a huge bullet!",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 1,part 3
314,"I tend to jump into things too fast. I’m wondering, how long do you guys feel comfortable with keeping things casual while going on dates and having sex before you want to take things to exclusivity? I am looking for something longterm, but want to be rational and not suffocating. Maybe also mention how often you hung out regularly. 
",If I’m gonna have unprotected sex with them then it gotta be exclusive,I won't consider it until after at least 10 dates and at least a dozen hook ups.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
392,"I was trying to date a guy.  We have 6 met times and I had told him during the second date that I was looking for a serious relationship. 

I was very clear about my intentions and he said he wanted the same but his business was a priority. He moved out of the city to a place 2 hours away. It was never clear about when we would meet next because he is busy with his business and he told me his schedule is crazy with the business in different cities. I even paid for one of our dinner dates because I didn't want money to be factor holding us back. 

We made out for a very long time on our 5th date so I would say that we have been intimate.  He has never been a great or consistent texter but I thought that's how he was 

However,  when one of our texts got sexual he was texting me almost every other day when previously it was just maybe once a week.  All texts are sexual with no definite mention of when we will meet next.  It almost felt like he just wanted to come to my place to crash, have sex and then leave.  

However,  this text really creeped me out.

He says "" I will come and get you and will take you somewhere.  Then I will take advantage of you being alone. ""

When I ask him to clarify,  he says "" basically a weekend gateway date where we would fuck and be together. ""

I don't know what someone thinks but "" taking advantage of you being alone"" sounds like a guy with bad intentions. Am I overreacting?",I think he's only interested in the coochie,"In this context I would say he was trying to be suggestive, if he had any actual predatory intentions he would never say such a thing.   What does your gut tell you ?   Follow it",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
359,"My ‘31M’ boyfriend of 12 years is threatening to leave me ‘30 F’ if I buy a house of my own. He built a house for “us” on a 5 acre ranch. As kids I’d always tell him that it was my dream to have a ranch and he says that that’s why he built it. The house is almost done but it’s still in an unlivable condition. Since then we’ve stayed in his camper there on the property and he’s asked me to leave multiple times threatening to call the police on me for no reason just because he’s upset and doesn’t want to deal with me or my dog when it’s too hot. Because he’s done this to me multiple times and we need a place to live momentarily that has electricity I’ve considered buying a house instead of renting again. Because of this he’s threatening to leave me and has told me that he especially will if I continue to get too fat when I weight 130 lbs. and am 5’2 1/2. People say I look skinny. I am terrified of him leaving me when I’m older when I really don’t have a house to live at or when I truly can’t afford to buy one later on down the line when prices are even higher. 

Am I being unrealistic and selfish? He says I have this fake feministic way of thinking that the government tricked women into believing. He doesn’t want to marry me because he doesn’t want the government involved in our relationship. When I mention a prenup he says he doesn’t want to do that either because men always end up getting their assets taken away. I asked him to go half and half on payments and he doesn’t want that and I also asked him to put my name on his house deed that way I don’t risk him kicking me out randomly but he always says no. Instead he suggests I get a mortgage loan under my name to buy off his property off of him that way he can get more money to finish building the house and that way the loan is under my name. 

What would you do?
He says that if he was going to leave me, he would’ve already left me a long time ago because we’ve been together for so many years and he hasn’t yet. 

At the same time my parent’s own a house and I’m pretty sure they’d give it to me if something bad was to ever happen to them so maybe I can have that to fall back on.","He’s abusive. You need to run, and get help. Your marriage to him will end in shambles if you do get married. Get out of there. Call the national abuse hotline and explain that story to them and they will tell you the same",Run run run he’s controlling af,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
173,"Yesterday I (26 M) had an amazing first date with a girl (25 F) and I cannot stop thinking about her and the date. We were super affectionate, said amazing things to each other, had tons of fun. I’m honestly wanting to see her again so so bad. 

I’m assuming we will see each other for a 2nd date, but today she hasn’t text me for 8 hours and I’m getting tons of anxiety. I don’t know what to do with myself and i’m just anxious / sad staring at my phone waiting for a text. 

When monday hits I honestly plan on scheduling an appointment for therapy, I know this is probably not normal and I am either just extremely lonely or maybe something deeper. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else tends to feel like this or experiences this :(, thank you everyone ","1. Live a happy life
2. Get an abundance of dating options in your life

If you have those two in place - you will feel less desperate. 

I know that's easier said than done, but any small improvement in these areas will help.","I think this is normal 

I think what you're suffering from is a ridiculous culture that makes you deny your feelings and makes you pretend to be aloof when you really just want to scream your feelings from the rooftops 

I am with you friend, and I think your feelings are beautiful",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
301,"So I feel like I could make this way to drawn out so I’ll try to make it as short as I can. So for the story I’ll just call her H. We all ended up going on this trip through our colleges. Just so happens H is going a the same school I’ll be going to in the fall. Since in total it’s around 50 people on this tour group us young ones stick together. “When in Rome” ig we’ve been getting drunk and staying up about every night. (A week) ik it sounds horrible saying it outloud. 

From all this me and her have grown real close (drinking buddies) definitely real good vibe to her like on homie status. She’s  told me about her life, trauma, her goals. And 2 a certain extent me too. Well speaking on trauma she’s only had 1 ex and he abused and cheated on her. Well just keep that in mind. 

Last night she ran out of zan and finished off her cart that she smuggled overseas. So she was going through withdrawal badddd. So when we were hanging out one on one the night before the whole withdrawal stuff it got real late into the night and she ended up low key kicking me out cuz she said she can’t sleep in the same room as a man not even her brother after her ex.

So last night while she was feeling so ruff our friend booked her a taxi back 2 the hotel and I went back with her to make sure she’s ok. I spent the whole ride with my arm around her cuz she asked. Well I ended up just laying beside here while she was dry heaving and I just felt so bad I couldn’t help her. Like all I wanted to do was help her at the very least just put my hand on her shoulder and comfort her but I basically ended up laying with her till she just told me she doesn’t wanna be touched and just wants to be alone rn.

So that was 2 days ago and we didn’t get much time to talk yesterday cuz we both just were feeling like ass her from withdrawal and me presumably from the bender we’ve both been on. 

All this boiling down to say do I just bit the bullet and tell her how I feel straight up or do I just keep quiet? We have 6 more days together and I’m just not trying to make it weird between us. 

(If this isn’t the right sub for things like this let me know a better one) ",Those two silly gooses just love boring out cuz she's a tomboy they bond over you,"First off, this girl sounds like a lot of chaos, so I don't think it's a good idea to get with her. 


But if that's what you want to do, I recommend you SHOW not TELL.


Basically just kiss the girl next time you are in such a close, intimate situation. If you make a move and she turns away, that's rejection.


There's no need for words. Cut to the chase. No matter the outcome you'll both know how you feel about each other.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
276,"My partner was logged into his “work” instagram and got a message from a new coworker saying “hope to see you are the office”. He said the same back and then added “dig your vibe :)” and then deleted the entire conversation between the two of them. He does not delete other conversations. 

I am upset feeling like there were flirty undertones and ulterior motives and that he deleted the messages for a reason- because they weren’t appropriate. 

He claims he doesn’t have any interest and “thought she was a lesbian” so there was no issue with sending “dig your vibe :)” 

Is it overreacting to feel like this was dishonest and not trustworthy behavior, or was he being shady by being flirty and deleting it? 
","Yes, this is trust breaker. 

- He is willing to flirt with other people. 
- He is willing to lie to you.
- He is willing to say shift blame to you instead of taking accountability for being shady.
- He lacks accountability.",Yea this crosses a line. U don't delete messages u don't feel bad about.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
321,"Okay me (f25) and my best friend (f22) each have boyfriends, in her case more of a situationship of several MONTHS. Our guys happen to be bestfriends as well. Both ""boyfriends"" previously have kids from past relationships. Recently my friend moved out of state for her job, and her situationship stayed for his. 

(Here's the tea about her boyfriend) He refuses to be committed to her despite her begging and pleading. Every now and then his baby momma (who is married with another kid) comes from states away to bring his daughter to see him. While the daughter is sleeping, he has sex with his ex in the hotel room. He also has a tinder and meets random girls. This is hard because ive known for quite some time and dont know how to tell her. Its hard to give advice to someone when i know the dirt that is being done. I hate being in the middle. I told my boyfriend i was going to tell her but he told me not to. Do I go against him and tell her or do I let it just play out?  
",Wtf. She’s your friend. Tell her! How is this even a question.,"She’s your bestfriend, of course you tell her. And you reconsider having a boyfriend that has friends like that.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
266,"This incident just happened and I feel like I’m losing my mind. My husband (28M) and I (27F) were having a conversation this morning about getting our house cleaned up and organized. He swears I didn’t say something to him but I know I definitely did. Neither of us were on our phones while this was happening. We were sitting on my ILs front porch drinking coffee. The conversation went something like this: 

Me: you know the accent wall in our kitchen that is a greenish color? 

Him: yeah 

Me: I want to get something like a hutch to put there so we can actually store things in drawers. I also want to get something with drawers to go in the living room. 

Him: yeah I think that would be good 

Then we moved on talking about other stuff. So about an hour ago we were talking to his parents about it and I mentioned it again and he had no clue what I was talking about. I went through the whole conversation again and he swears I didn’t say that. 

This happens once a week (or less) for us. It drives me insane. I know 100% I said what I did. He does have ADHD (I do too but I have inattentive ADHD) so I’m sure it’s something related to that. 

I’m really not mad about the fact that he didn’t hear me. I’m mad that he tells me I didn’t say something when I know for sure I did. Does anyone else have this problem? Should I just start recording our conversations so I can play it back for him later? Does anyone have any advice on how to fix this? ","That is because men tune us out and just answer but did not hear what you said ! I never believed it either, but when I was working and had a lot going on around me I would answer someone and not remember lol 
So was he looking at the paper or his phone ? That may have been why ?",I think one record and playback would/should be enough to permanently stop the feeling like you're losing your mind part.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
253,"I matched with a guy on tinder, and while my original intent was to have casual sex, I ultimately decided I want to meet up a few times before doing so. However, the man seems so obsessed with Sex. He wants me to dirty talk even though I stated that I’m uncomfortable with that. He was also disappointed over the fact that I changed my mind about jumping straight into sex. He kept asking if it’s something he did and insisted on being safe and good guy. I said it’s because we’re strangers and that it wasn’t anything he did. He kept asking the same questions over and over again and I just said “let’s just see how Wednesday goes” and left it as that and stopped responding to him. However, I am thinking about blocking him all together due to his reaction alone. I only matched with him 4 days ago and he is set on texting me every day all day since then. I feel like if he is this taken back by me setting my boundaries, what else would he be upset over? Am I in the wrong here???",This is not a man who is going to respect your boundaries. Ditch and block,"Most men are obsessed with sex

The difference is how good they are at hiding it",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
185,"22M

Just looking for advice on how to better accept my loneliness and the fact that I'm never going to be wanted. After years of trying and trying I've finally given up on dating and accepted that I'm incapable of being loved and nobody will ever want me. I asked out many girls, tried dating apps, went out on dates. All of it went nowhere for the last 5 years. 5 years of failure and rejection. I'm done. I get it. I'm worthless. I'm not allowed to be happy. I accept that. 
 
I Did so many things to try and improve myself and my desirability. I went to college and got a degree and got a decent job making good money for my age, got my own place, lost a lot of weight, got tattoos, bought a nicer, newer car since I was earning better money, put myself out there by hanging out with friends a lot, etc. Despite all this, I was still rejected all the time and have never had a gf. I'm done trying so hard for something I'll never have. I'm better off dead but I can't die for my familys sake. 

How do I better cope and accept this fate of mine? I've been looking into forcing myself to be apathetic and non caring anymore. Currently I just smoke weed and play video games to cope with things but it isn't working so great anymore. Any advice on this appreciated.
","I understand the frustration with unsuccessful dating. For me it comes in waves: sometimes I can deal with it better than other times. 

What really helped me was taking the pressure out of dating. I definitely have a desire for a family and marriage, which put enormous pressure on me. 

Keep going out on dates! Now that I view them more calmly, it’s taken the stress away. Sure it’s still frustrating when it doesn’t pan out, but it is easier to deal with. Try viewing them as just talking to some people without pressuring yourself. 

Sorry that you’re in this situation. Idk if anything I’ve said is even good advice. I haven’t found the one yet, but it surely helped me. Best wishes!","Hell brother, I’m 29m and still struggling with accepting this fate. What I do is spend time with friends, focus on work as much as possible, and just try to preoccupy my mind and time to keep it from coming up.",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
296,"Met someone wonderful on Hinge a few weeks ago on vacation. We live on opposite coasts in the states but want to try to make it work! He (35M) is visiting me (30F) for the first time in my city and I am extremely excited but also slightly apprehensive about him staying with me for three days. Is it too soon? We’re not officially dating yet just talking still and seeing where this goes. Him staying with me feels like a very big step but is it on par with him visiting me and I should be more vulnerable? How do I go about asking him to get his own hotel room? Should I offer to get one for him?

One of my friends thinks my asking him to stay elsewhere even thought he’s coming specifically to see me and spend all weekend with me will send the wrong message about me and my intentions with him. The next step if this goes well would be visiting him. 

It’s early but I feel really good about him/this and want to proceed with intention and he seems to be in the same boat. Any advice would be much appreciated! 



","You're debating but you're not really talking about your actual comfort level.

What would you prefer?

* Him staying at your place and he sleeps on couch.
* Staying over and potentially cuddling.
* Throwing him in a hotel room.

What is most comfortable for you?

Stop people pleasing. What do you prefer to see happen?

Because if its hotel, then you should stick to that. It should be understandable, right?

>Thank you for coming to see me. I know we hardly know each-other and meeting up is the only for this to develop. But, I am not sure if I am ready to be sleeping in the same house together. Is it okay if we get you a hotel? I will pitch in on it. I need to be eased into this and I will probably feel a lot more comfortable the next time. 

That should be understandable right. If you're worth it to him, he will respect you and deal with it. 

Otherwise, if he is flying out and expecting you to put out when you haven't truly met him... Is that really the kind of guy you're down for?

Spending 3 days straight with someone you barely know, that's ALOT to take in for a first time. 

And who knows, maybe only book the first 2 days for hotel, by the 3rd... You could be open to it.","If you plan to have sex with him, then let him stay with you. If not, then he needs to find a hotel.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
302,"
It kind of saddens me (F20) to know that so many people believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I cheated on my ex who held a knife to me and forced me to have sex and give BJs, and for some reason I always ran back to him between the ages of 15-18. I received therapy, but the name calling, harassment, and outcasting still haunts me from time to time. 

When I met my current bf (M21), I cheated and eventually broke up with my ex. It was the worst time of my life physically and emotionally, being the HS proclaimed whore. I lost all my friends, had no one besides him, and heavily self harmed from all the hateful emails and anonymous text messages sent from random people senior year.  He was there for me though it all and I am beyond grateful he showed me how beautiful life could be. I have zero desire for anyone besides him and our 2 year anniversary is coming up. 

I was recently told that odds are I’ll cheat again in the future and I understand that may be the case (statistically speaking) but I really love him and it hurts to hear that. I don’t think I’m a serial cheater, because it’s only happened once, but now I have this thought in my head that I’m going to ruin everything one day in the future and cheat when times get hard because of this one comment. How do I cope with this feeling and do you all believe in this saying?","I would like to think that people are capable of becoming better.

However, once someone cheats in the relationship... I am a firm believer that relationship is as good as dead.

Too much damage to sift through and its never going to be the same. A no coming back from kind of moment.

Usually its the letting go and doing better for the next relationship where people actually grow.

Can't really let the old you die when the relationship is keeping that part of you alive.

To move on from mistakes, you have to remove the entire storyline and write a new one.

A relationship with cheating, that story is ruined. Time to close the book and write a new one.",Hi OP! How does your bf feel about your past cheating (If he knows). Has it affected your sex life? I’m going through situationship with my bf right now.,Commentator's opinion,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
295,"Two weeks ago i met this lovely lady on a Muslim dating app. We got along very good, same interests. We both are from Turkey living in Germany. The only problem is, she lives 500km away. But this past weekend she was on a wedding of her friends‘ which was 1 hour from me. We decided to meet on Sunday (yesterday) but she told me couple of days before that sunday won‘t work. So when she was at the wedding i jokingly asked her that we can meet up after the wedding (jokingly because the wedding would end at night). And then she said at 2 at night that we can meet now. Idk what got me but i jumped from my bed and drove off after that. 1 hour car ride and i was at her hotel at 3 at night. We talked a lot, got ice cream at McDonalds (she even offered to pay). And at 4:30 i drove home and she went to sleep at her hotel. But i was really surprised when i saw a text from her when i got home if i arrived. She really waited one hour til i got home. These past two days i am thinking about her all day. My car even smells like her. 🫠 So what do you think? Should i tell her that i have a crush on her or is it too soon and i‘d scare her away?","I’m not familiar with Muslim culture. I think it depends on the woman. Some are ok with you expressing feelings, and others are turned off by this. 

You can lighten things up by saying, I like how you make me feel and I would like to pursue things with you for now. 

Depending on your culture, maybe tell her for now you would like both of you to cut off other people from dating apps etc and focus on each other. 

Youll never regret telling someone how you feel, but you will regret not tellin them","I mean it’s a dating app, that’s what they’re for buddy, you went on a date you like the girl, so you tell her you would like to pursue this further, developing a crush is standard",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
293,"I (25m) keeps getting unwanted attention from gay men. which I guess I appreciate because atleast there's people who find me attractive but it's kind of frustrating, I work out dress nice and I'm 6'5. All that for women but none would even look at me. There would be a point where these gay men would sexually harassed me in clubs or take advantage of me. It's disgusting to say the least. 

I don't know what else can I do. I really want a girlfriend to have a woman in my life yet none would even look at my direction. Is this normal? Any men have experienced the same thing?","It's completely normal. Men are much more aggressive in pursuing others for sex than women are. It doesn't matter if they're gay or straight. Men and women are extremely different on this front. It says nothing about you. It's not like you're more attractive to gay men because of some inherent quality you possess. Any guy gets more sexual attention in a gay club than a straight club.

When you want to date women you have to hit on them. Make the first move. Receiving eye contact before you approach is nice, but it's more of a bonus than a necessity.",you have to be active about women and not just wait,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
328,"I (23F) have a (30M) boyfriend, and he sometimes talks to me in a pet voice or as if he is talking to a child when it comes to intimate things. If I flash him he starts talking in a pet voice like ""wow"" or ""omg you look so nice"" but all in a way as if a kid was holding a drawing, instead of a deep voice and the way that he talks too makes me feel less of a hot or sexy woman and more as a cute kid. I asked him about it he said because he loves me and sees me as his baby that he respects, and doesn't want to be disrespectful to, but i'm not sure how to feel. Before we started dating and we were friends and he would tell me about all his dirty experiences and how flirty he was, frankly he had wondering eyes in the beginning and that led to some infidelity (we are trying to move on from that). I've seen his texts calling other women hot and bad, but i'm just cute and beautiful in his eyes. I'm not sure if he's just not attracted to me in that manner and that's why all these issues stemmed and why he talks that way and doesn't treat me like an actual woman in that sense. I am still going over the infidelity thing out (happened 7 months ago, not physical, but i found out 3 months ago) and it has been hard to get my confidence back or be convinced that he truly is attracted to me in a sexy manner. Can someone knock some sense in me? Is he attracted to me? ",He is  just socially awkward,Who knows maybe you’re just cute. I don’t know. Good luck.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
388,"I went on one date with a guy I matched with on hinge. We spoke for about a week or more before actually meeting. I thought he was a really nice person and all, but I wasn't physically attracted to him. But I would feel bad about ending it (and also don't know how to go about that because I'm soft AF and feel bad about anything and everything) because there's no red flags or reason to do so.
I feel like I'm just being shallow for not being physically attracted to him because his personality is great. 
I'm new to dating so don't quite understand the whole chemistry thing- I've been only on one date prior to this man and didn't feel anything either times. But both were nice so idk what I'm looking for.

But with the current guy I'm dating, when we message he kinda talks about 'next time', and to me it's like, you don't know if there will be a next time. Would you consider that a red flag that he low key plans for future dates? He done this before we even initially met. We agreed to meet at a park and he said something like next time we can do an activity. Idk I just don't like it but again am I being harsh?

I feel like I'm not made for dating and just want to stop with these apps, but I have no way of letting him go gently. I considered just deleting my profile, but that's so rude because he's actually a nice guy. But I also don't want to be leading him on. He's asked me out for dinner, he's a nice guy, but I'd feel bad letting him spend his money on me when I'm so unsure if I want to continue with him. Please help because I'm supposedly seeing him tonight/tomorrow and idk what to think or feel!

In summary: idk if I should stop dating simply because I'm not finding him physically attractive? ",As a guy who generally tries to take rejection well. Please communicate if you aren't interested. Saves me time and heartache that I could spend looking for someone I connect with. If they become a jerk about it then block and move on,"He's talking about future plans because he likes you. That's called asking a girl out. 😉

If you aren't into him, then follow this script via text before your second date:

""Hey Joe, thanks again for hanging out the other day. I had a great time! You are a very nice guy!

Unfortunately, I don't think we're a romantic match. 

I think you are a great person, and I'm really glad we were able to meet in person.

All the best""

Then, unmatch on the dating app and move on.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
378,"Hi I need your help.  
3 months ago I (33F) met someone with whom I want to be(34M). Everyone around says we're a perfect couple destine to be together. Our relationship has been fantastic. We love spending time together and having fun, find each other super attractive, and care for and support one another. He even asked for my picture to keep in his wallet and introduced me to his important friends and family.

However, there's a problem. Yesterday, he told me he only sometimes feels butterflies for me. He doesn't want to break up but also can't see us together because of the missing butterflies. He said everything else is wonderful—we're amazing together, he misses me, and he longs to see me often. All the bases of our relationship are solid except for that emotional spark. He blames himself, saying he's broken and it's not my fault. He wanted me to come up with a solution, but I have none.

I'm awful at love games... I'm good at flirting and the pre-couple stage, but when I'm in a relationship, I don't know how to keep things going. I care deeply about the other person and am probably too straightforward, showing all my cards.

He also told me that, in his opinion, I have two options: we either become friends or I break up with him. But when I suggested breaking up, he didn't want it, which left me confused. He couldn't understand how I could just leave him after three months together, and I got even more puzzled. He asked me what I feel towards him and what are my future plans. After hearing all the things, I got blocked and couldn't admit he's dear to me. I only respond I cares about him, he's important and that I would like to have family as he know, but I don't know if I would have a chance, because such important decision also depends on the partner and I don't know if the other side would like to have kids.

Today he texted to me, that he wants me to remember I'm important to him. He asked how do I feel and ask if he can do anything to make me feel better.

This message upset me a lot, because only what I want it's him. But as he said, he cannot be with me without butterflies....on the other hand he doesn't want to break-up because what is between us means a lot to him and he cares about me.  
I don't know what to answer... I don't know how repair this situation...","Imma be honest. All of this strikes me as terribly manipulative behavior. It has all the hallmarks if keeping someone on the fishing line until they are ready to commit. He probably does ‘love’ you on some level and in some shape or form. But this man, if you stay with him will most likely cause irreparable damage to your mental health. And to be fair you should tell him that the way he talks to you feels manipulative. 2 things can happen. He’ll either accept that and see the error of his manner and choice in communication or he is going to blow up in 1 of 2 ways; love bombing you or guilt tripping you. Both of these would indicate traits common in both narcissists and sociopaths cause they can only really emulate love and not feel it. It can also be a response of someone incredibly dumb and incoherent in his head but I doubt that’s the case. But you should confront him on that for sure.","They’re not butterflies, it’s anxiety. And he’s not got it because this isn’t toxic. If he reflects it’s likely that he’s only had those butterflies when it’s been lust based and at least slightly toxic and unhealthy. ",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
250,"Hello! Maybe a bit of an oddball question but hopefully I can find some interesting answers here.

I find that on dating apps there are a lot of women with prompts such as: Looking for a man with masculine energy, We’ll get along if you take the initiative, and other different ways of expressing a grievance of the fact that they experience men these days aren’t exhibiting traits conforming to stereotypical gender roles.

I find it quite unattractive, and also I really don’t want to waste my time with these people, especially because I don’t really feel I identify with the stereotypical gender role of a man. I’m a bit careful and sensitive. I don’t like sports. I'm not a macho guy basically. I can take the initiative to a certain degree but it doesn’t sit right with me if I’m the only one expected to do it.

Great, then I simply don’t need to write to these people you may say. I don’t! That’s not the problem, I feel as if there’s a lot of people sharing these sentiments despite not having a prompt giving it away. So I was wondering if there’s any prompt or something else that I might add to my profile to scare away people that are only looking for men who fit into the stereotypical male role without also making myself sounding as if I’m making a big fuzz about it. I want to have positive prompts that don’t make me seem uptight or negative. I find that it would be hard to convey what I want without it seeming a bit prude?

Hope I'm making sense, advice would be great!

TLDR: Want to convey in my dating profile that I don't conform to stereotypical gender roles without sounding like a prude.","I know that dating apps are what people use these days to find prospective partners but the odds of someone being honest and the fact that one cannot represent themselves as others might see them makes things even harder.  The fake, touched up pics, the false narratives of who they think they are, or who they want to be, or who they want you to think they are is just mind boggling when it comes to weeding out the duds.  Then the interview dates that follow, it all seems to be so much trouble when all you really have to do is go out into the world and interact with other people to meet people.  The grocery store and laundry mats are great places to meet people.  It is a relaxed environment which leads to chance meetings.  Ask someone a question if they have tried xyz and did they enjoy it, how to cook it, etc.  Frequent the same cafe and check out others that frequent that same cafe.  You will spend much less time digging through endless profiles and see people in real life.  Volunteer somewhere, nice loving caring people do volunteer work and usually have better acceptance levels.  Good luck!","I am really into guys like you, and I'd say it is often visible in their pictures. As in like posture, cloth but also pics of hobbies.

You can also show that you are more on the sensitive side by writing a ""longer"" paragraph about yourself,  so then it kinda shows through you tone (as in your tone).

You can also just state, that you prefer non-traditional gender roles. You need to be careful about wording though or explain it a little,  so they don't confuse it with gender identity.

My personal go to to make sure to not attract matcho men: I have ""feminist "" in my bio. Works wonders. If you are a feminist, put that in there.

At the end of the day, you need to get yourself out their , meet people and just try to have fun, and see how it goes. If you sometimes attract the wrong person, that's normal.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
349,"So I have the opposite of the normal problem that most girls face with guys actions and words contradicting each other. I’ve been seeing this guy for the past month and I’ve unexpectedly fallen so hard for him. 

I’ve told him that I really like him and mentioned that I wasn’t sure what he was looking for and he confirmed that he is also not sure of what he’s looking for. We’re both in our mid twenties, I don’t know that he’s ever had a serious relationship before. He’s nothing like anyone I’ve ever met or dated- in all of the best ways. 

So he tells me he doesn’t know what he wants but his actions are telling me that he wants to be with me??? He does all of this super sweet stuff for me, is planning stuff for us to go do later in the summer. 

He makes “jokes” when I talk about my future goals of having a big farm “let’s do it” in reference to buying my dream piece of property. The first time we (unexpectedly) had sex he rubbed his hand up my leg- I hadn’t shaved in a week or so, I made a comment about it and he said “natural, sexy” and smiled at me. The next morning when we woke up he stared into my eyes for a moment, went to get up out of bed, leaned back in towards me to kiss me, turned to get off the bed and then leaned back in for another kiss and asked if I needed anything????

He fucking rubbed his nose on mine one of the first times we kissed???? Like just all of these sweet little gestures??? Am I crazy for thinking he’s in love with me???
","Take his word for it; ""doesn't know what he wants"" does acknowledge some interest on his part, however it disclaims the likelihood of commitment thereof. 

Having read the signs he's given thus far (and they are ridiculously obvious he's into you) I'd inquire about his past relationships or/and upbringing; there's always a reason for such hesitance. I emphasize, just inquire, don't *shrink* him..",No he definitely is.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
278,"Is it a dick move? Did I do something here that stands out? I'm trying to let this guy know that yea, I am indeed upset and and he fucked up.

We go to the same gym, it's a 24/hour place but haven't ever crossed each other until now. Right before this just happened, we argued and officially broked it off by me telling him he's 1. On my shit list and 2. Fuck him.

I saw his truck in the parking lot when I was at the gym, so I put his stuffed animal he gave me (which just so happened to be in my car) on his truck bed. 

Would he care? Is this a shitty thing to do to someone? If I'm being fr, I don't want to break it off. I just wanted to be treated differently I guess. Idk 

I broke it off because I've been doing everything for him. I drive out to him (15-20 min drive) and always am paying, always going the 3xtra mile etc. Idc much about the money, but I make incomparably less than he does. But he does nothing for me, and doesn't realize this. I paid for a trip to Vegas (week) and pay for dinner etc etc. Truly, though, I don't care that much about the paying for things. It's that I'm not being used it what it feels like. We actually broke it off a while ago and we're in this weird friendship thing... but he continually asked for sex even though I told him no, and how it made me feel used. So yea I just told him to fuck off and gave his thing back. Idk what do yall think?","if you want to get his attention and get back with him then yes giving him that gift back shows that he’s still on your mind. If you truly want things to end, cut all contact don’t show him an ounce of it and stop giving him his gifts back","1. Do whatever makes you feel best. If getting rid of a gift makes you feel better, do that. If keeping it makes you feel better, do that. 

But don’t base your decision with the hope of making *him* feel something. Because.. 

2. No, people in situationships generally don’t care if you give a gift back or not. If your decisions had any effect on them, they wouldn’t have treated you so carelessly in the first place. They didn’t care when you were seeing each other. They don’t care now.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
271,"I got out of a long term relationship with a highschool partner several months ago. I've been hitting it off with a guy I met on a dating app but I never know what to suggest for dates even though I really want to spend more time with him. My go to is usually billiards because I like to play a game while talking- it takes a lot of pressure off me. He's not a fan though. We've gone for food and for walks around the city or at parks. I want to change things up a bit though. I'm out of ideas because he's not super into ""slower"" game dates such as 2 player board/card games. The date idea does not need to involve a game though.","i could only come up with game-like things: bowling, trivia/bingo, mini golf, escape room ??","Go to some cultural events, like an art exhibition or some shit. So you could talk to him while pretending to like crappy painting and look cultured. A lot of peoples do that...",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
375,"M29 and f28 meet on dating app nearly two months ago. Instant hit it off and she even stayed at my house for nearly a week once. Hiking, bars, grilling, nature, etc etc all fun activities and such.

Im renovating a house and want to get it done before summer is over. I also want to hang out with the boys, we exchange actual skills and knowledge like carpentry, construction, electrical etc. 

Just so happened (m&f) we  didn't meet for like a week partly due to us living 2.5 hrs apart and because I had a friend stay over for 5 days to help with the house work. Morning to night honest work.

Anyway, was talking to girl, she first hung out with some ""girl"" she says who had a bmw m6 and met at the vet when her cat had to be looked at. Then a few days after she met up with some guy nearly 2 hrs from her to go eat steak and lobster at a restaurant. She said ""I was really hungry and had no money but I swear I left immediately after we finished eating"". Keep in mind I personally cut communication with other women during  our time of dating. She's entertaining God knows how many other people, that's just two cases she told me about, And I insinctively knew something was up when she said she was going to ""x neighborhood"" without saying why exactly (initially). All this she while simultaneously claiming to love me and be obsessed with me.

 Anyway bros (and ladies), I'm too old for childish bs and unrealistic demands for attention. Your thoughts are appreciated, thanks.","its evident that she is fishing for the best choice, just play along like before and use her just for sex and fun time, but from now on dont pay for her. If she can do it then you can as well. But never commit to her just use her as fwb","You're not enough for her. You're plan B.


She gives you enough to keep you interested while exploring better options. If they don't pan out, you'll be there crying and begging. She knows you're a simp and will never cut her off, do she can do whatever she likes.


And it's working. Brilliantly, actually. Good for her!",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
377,"Pretty much as the title says, I just have a hard time telling between the two especially when there are mixed signals. Any advice would be appreciated!",Mixed signals are a bad sign.,"Well, what are the signals? Not enough detail. I know people that mistake friendliness for crushing, despite obvious signs they’re not interested. Like guys who go to a restaurant and think every waitress wants it because she’s doing her job and being friendly lol. I also know some people play hard to get. That’s usually obvious to me though. Without any details, can’t say. But more often than not- mixed signals aren’t a good sign. Them not wanting a relationship with you doesn’t mean they should be mean or cold. Some people are just nice. 

You can ask them if they’d be interested in a date. If you’re not confident enough for that and want to be ‘sure’ first- Maybe try distancing yourself. If he/she makes an effort to check in, then go from there.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
286,"I came out of a LTR about 2-3 months ago and recently started dating again.

I met someone on Bumble and we went out on a date which turned into spending the day together. By the end of the day I'd seen some behaviors which I wouldn't want in a new LTR and so very transparently and nicely said I don't think I'd want a LTR however am happy to be friends / casually date.

We went out on a second date and I noticed her saying something like ""you won't find someone as cool as me or as fun as me / another me"" and recently she sent a meme to me which says ""Sorry for being so beautiful, fun and intelligent"" with like hearts and a unicorn in the background.

She's a bit eccentric which is cool but I'm really not sure what's going on with this theme of talking about herself and praising herself and I don't know what to say / do when she says / sends these things. It's a bit concerning.

Aside from this theme, she's pretty nice and cool to be around. And said on the first that that she would also like to keep things casual. That said, how do I navigate these kinds of messages?",She seems to have taken your rejection as a challenge to change your mind. Everyone loves a good chase!,"The initial situation is very weird. Your first date went so well that it lasted a whole day? That is some real good chemistry and very discordant with your statement this isn't going to last long term. You sent some very mixed signals. I can't say I blame them for trying to change your mind. After the ""kind offer"" by you to date casually? That might be very frank and practical, but could also be taken as a jerk statement. For a man to say some variation of, ""We can hang and fuck if you want to, but so you know, we aren't going to be together for ever."" shows a lot more big D energy and han I've ever had. Maybe I am just jealous, but comes of as an ass to me.

And I wish people would give up on finding friends on dating apps. You can be friends with a ex. You can't be friends with some one you met explicitly to date. These real weak have it anyway you want it stances are taken as mixed messaging at best, or worst given how much time you've wasted of someone else",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
270,"I have been with my boyfriend for a year. My father is a pastor and he can hear from God. When my dad first met my boyfriend, he said that God told him that I needed to leave him alone because he would be dangerous and hurt me. Although my boyfriend is much taller than me and bigger than me, he has NEVER shown any signs of being hurtful and has never put me in danger, much in fact that he is very hesitant about being physically close to me because of the fear of hurting me. My boyfriend has also been very supportive while I'm in school, offering to help me pay for books, getting me better food, and driving over three hours just to visit me on the weekends. I went to see my boyfriend yesterday and my father says that God will severely punish me for not listening.

I don't want to disobey God but my boyfriend is the total opposite of how my father describes him. I don't want to leave and hurt my boyfriend for this, as my boyfriend has had a not so good life and believes that God dislikes him. I am struggling with my head and my heart. I don't want to lose my boyfriend but I also don't want to disobey God longer. Part of me feels that God will bring my boyfriend back into my life if I let him go but I am not certain about it, which further scares me.

Any advice would help a lot. Thank you",your father hears nothing at all. he just uses and abuses the name and word of God in order to control you. don't let him fool you. it is your decision which person you choose as boyfriend not his,"Ask yourself, between your boyfriend and God, who drove three hours to visit you?  Did God or your boyfriend shell out for books?  It sounds like you possibly have a very nice boyfriend, but your upbringing (and a manipulative father) is making you question the facts before your eyes.

Honestly, you are 19, you have a plenty of time to sort through your feelings and figure out what is best for you.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
233,"My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 3 years. There has been plenty of ups and downs, as any relationship entails. While I came name off a number of things he's done wrong, I don't think it has much to do with why I want to leave. I see things a lot differently than he does, and he is going to think I am running away. I believe I am trying to run towards something new and life-changing. It's been on my mind for months now, and I even have all initial and monthly costs planned out. 

I cannot keep repeating this cycle I am currently in. I know I will be unhappy if I continue. I just don't know how much longer I should wait. I also have obligations here, should that stop me? 

I am grateful for everything he has done, but I don't think I am satisfied here. Everyday is the same. I always have a feeling in my gut telling me to leave. He doesn't want to change, he wants to keep me by his side forever. I know for a fact he feels this way because of all the sobbing and pain about me leaving him. I think this is also my fault, as I comfort him in my arms, lying to him. I don't know what is keeping us together anymore, because I have started to detach myself more and more. We have talked about this multiple times, his or my behavior and how it can change. But I am no longer interested in trying to change him, I can only change myself.

I have meditated and weighed out the options for hours on end, but I'm still stuck. There are other factors that bring me to these conclusions, not just my boyfriend. I'm trying to be as logical as I can before I make such an impulsive decision.

First, I have a cat. I love her to death and I'm not sure I could take her because I plan to live out my car. Second, my car is not the best. It needs a lot of work because it is older. Third, I am legally obligated as a bond co-signer to monitor my boyfriend (a crazy story lmao). Last, I'm not sure he would survive on his own. What would any of you do in this situation? Is it time for me to embark on this journey or should I wait longer until I am fully prepared? I should also note that I have a reliable amount of income working from home. ",wait so why not just take him with you? did i miss something in the post maybe?,"Well it sounds like you have a legal obligation you need to address. Then you need to rehome your cat. And you need a new car. 

Personally, I think you better sort the legal discreetly first and see what your options are. Then I’d plan to move out while you sort the other items but before travel.",Not Relevant,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
327,"My girlfriend came around to my house yesterday were we just hung out and watched some videos. Couple hours later she was on top of me and pushed for sex so I reciprocated. One thing led to another and I was fingering her. Eventually she wanted penetrative sex so she got on top and this is where problems arrive.

She had her orgasm took a couple seconds break as she aways does. Usually we switch position because I don't get enough stimulation when she's on top but she carried on going.

A minute after we carried on fucking and all of a sudden she complained of pain in her stomach. I asked if she was okay and she carried on going. She said she had pain again and so I said ""do you want to stop?"". She said ""yes"" so I immediately stopped. 

She hadn't complained about stomach pain before or after we had sex so I was maybe wondering if I did anything wrong.

The past 3 times we've had sex she has acted a little different. The first 1/3 she had her orgams and then when it was my turn decided I had to jerk myself off whilst she watched (I did kind of enjoy it). The 2/3 times my parents were in the next room so we were trying to be really quiet, which didn't work too well and so she suggested we stop penetrative sex (because it was too loud) and I jerk myself off again. And the 3/3 was what I've just said above (obviously i didnt jerk myself off this time because it was obviously not the right moment)

Quite a few times she has brought up what blue balls feels like so I confused to wether this is mayne a kink or an actual problem. She did have a panic attack the day before so maybe it has something to do with that. When I asked her what was wrong she just kept saying ""I don't know"". So I'm really not sure what to do or how to get her to open up about it.

If it is a kink I'm more than happy to try it, in fact I have a similar kink that goes hand in hand. But if this is an actual problem she's having why doesn't she want to tell me what's going on.

Relationship is fairly fresh, we met around 2 and a half months ago and because boyfriend and girlfriend one month ago.","Maybe try asking her if she is experiencing pain during intercourse. Different positions can be more or less painful. Being on top may be fine but when you switch it hurts her. A lot of women will also struggle to express this in words.

If that is the case, encourage her to see a Dr and /or Gyno. A lot of reproductive conditions can manifest as painful sex. Also try different positions and ask her what she enjoys.

If that is not the case then ask her directly why she doesn't want to have sex where you both climax. If she keeps avoiding it then keep telling her how you feel. It could simply be she is selfish and once shes finished doesn't care about you. If that is the case, it might be best to reflect on if this is a healthy relationship and one you want to be in.","It sounds like she may have hit/ bruised her cervix. Especially during orgasm, she may not pay attention to the angle and intensity of her movements which can result in her going too deep and pushing on her cervix. This can result in extremely painful period like cramping, that she will likely only realize afterward. Ibuprofen and/or heat can help alleviate this. In the future, try encouraging her to lean forward/ not go as deep while on top. Or make sure she is warmed up really well before riding as arousal makes the vaginal canal lengthen, decreasing the likelihood of hitting her cervix. Other DP positions would be good to look out for as well. Let her take the lead as far as depth and intensity.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
357,"poly situationship 

so we are both in our early 20s and he has been in situationships before and was/is in one while we started talking and getting to know eachother. me? never. i’ve never even been in a relationship. he is interested in having a polygamous marriage in the future and also wants to explore himself sexually yet he has expressed he doesn’t want to lose me. at first i had considered the whole polygamous thing with him because i knew it would make him happy (mistake ik) but as time progressed i realized that this would make me incredibly unhappy. i feel like i lead him wrong in believing that i could live the future he wanted but that’s not really the issue. i love this boy and i’m pretty sure he loves me but i’m also very concerned about our future together. he’s expressed he isn’t sure he can be in a monogamous relationship bc of his finances but he recently went on a date with the girl he was in a situationship before before me (after telling me he was “finished with her” because he was really interested in me). the girl before me doesn’t want to be in a polygamist relationship either and doesn’t want to share him. i feel bad for the girl and feel bad for myself. he says that she’s leaving for medical school in the fall so i’d have his primary attention but that just feels wrong. 

my question is, am i being played or manipulated ? should i leave now before i get any more involved? or is he just a young man trying to figure his life out? sos🥲","STOP IT.

This boy is a huge waste of your time. He can't afford monogamy? But he can afford to take another girl on a date? And his big reassurance is that you're going to get more of his attention when she leaves for school?

Please stop. He is a child who wants to be a fuckboi and is calling it polygamy.",Where the hell is your father?,Practical Advice,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
336,"Hii I would love to hear your opinions. Me (20F) and my boyfriend(23M) have only been together for a few months now and I had went to his house the other day for the first time. when I was there he had a surprise for me and it was lingerie. There was 2 body suits both a size small and I am a bit chubby so I fit medium or large and he knows that. As I was looking at it, it had no new tags, the brand was Fenty. He had me try one and it couldn’t even get passed my tits, then as I was going to try on the next one, I literally looked at the crotch and there was dry DISCHARGE literally I got so grossed out. I didn’t say anything at all to him and told him I didn’t want them, they don’t even fit. I felt weird the rest of the day with him and went home early. Now I’m thinking where did he get the lingerie? who wore this lingerie? To be honest after thinking I feel like he stole it from his sister or still had it from a previous relationship, which he hasn’t been in one for “years”. He is now my ex ",That's fucking gross. I'm not usually a break up with him kinda person but that's so fucking gross,"Eeeeeeew!!! How does a man not notice this!? Id ask him next time and show him tbh. I'd be like ""Wild you tried to give me this, look here babe - there's discharge from someone else vagina. Where did you even get these? And what made you think I could fit them/want them?"" But maybe that's because I'm direct and like to address issues when they happen. Maybe he did truly order them for you and can show a receipt, who knows.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
228,"I'm going through a shitty breakup and needing advice about the lessons that I should have learned or what I could have done better. Our main problems were poor communication, unresolved depression/sleeping/mental health issues of one partner, empathy burnout, dishonesty (but eventual honesty), and lack of/respect for boundaries with each other and with platonic friends. Our strong relationship qualities were VERY strong-great sense of humor/banter, share similar interests/hobbies, same tastes in food, film, books, etc, BEST SEX OF MY WHOLE LIFE, same principles/value, and a deep, deep love and care for one another.   
First big problem-our communication got really bad -just yelling and finger pointing with no actual problem solving. He (30 M) screaming and cursing me in public and me (34 F) finally losing my temper to the point I threw a giant cup at him. I'm enrolled in weekly DBT class after this incident and he moved out of the house.   
The next issue was my partner's ongoing depression, anxiety, weight gain, and sleeping issues going unresolved for two years, and getting worse once he began night shift. I tried at the beginning to help as best I good, which caused me to get empathy burnout and start to turn cold/disinterested when he would express his problems or I would start to nag him. As he does not take criticism very well and I do not handle empathy burnout well, it was a bad dynamic leading to several breaking -up-and-getting back together death cycles.  
The next problem was dishonesty. On one of our breaks, I slept with my friend and lied about it (that ""friend"" told me I should lie because it would cause a rift in the friends group-whole 'nother story right there). I lied at first then could not take it anymore and came clean that I slept with my friend while we were broken up. My partner lied about getting escorts twice during each of our major breaks-he eventually came clean as well. He had also gotten escorts before dating me, but did not tell me this when we began dating. I still am not over the hurt caused by him getting escorts and he still is SO ANGRY and not over that I slept with my friend.   
Good parts-I love him very very dearly and sincerely wished this was the ""love to end all loves"". I could see my self growing old with him, with both of us hunkering down and doing the therapy-but we never got that far. What could I have done differently? What can I do differently next time? This was such a heartbreak and I feel like maybe if we had really gotten to know each other first before moving so quickly, we could have sorted out some of these red flags? What are other successful couples' secrets to success?","What can you do differently next time? Don't sleep with your friend and then lie about it, for starters. Everything else between you two could have been overcome at some point, but sleeping with the friend and lying about it was pretty much the death knell for any chance you may have had. p","You say that you both lied and then came clean later. Did you lie to his face multiple times? Get defensive and deflect blame? Did your partner have difficulty trusting you with this male friend while you were together? Did you and this male friend have a past together? How did you respond when your partner voiced concern about this male friend in the past? Were you honest with him about your feelings for that friend? Was there a love triangle when you first started dating that you later denied? If you immediately slept with this male friend when you were single, was it fair to your partner that you were spending alone time with this friend while you were together?
Your ex probably now feels that your “friend” was always on standby. Either your friend was the backup plan or your partner was your second choice all along. He feels so deeply betrayed that he knows he will never trust you again, and wonders what else you lied about. 
In regards to the nagging. If you can’t meet someone where they’re at and love them for who they are, leave them alone.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
311,"How do I (32F) explain to my ex (32M) that I made a mistake breaking up?   Nearly a year ago I made the very painful decision to breakup with my wonderful partner because he decided he doesn’t want kids and I did. This decision wasn’t made lightly and it was painful to end our relationship when we were still in love, but at the same time, he was also struggling mentally and he told me if he wasn’t focusing on me he’d put that focus on him.   

I thought I was making the right decision for both of us, without me he could help himself and wouldn’t need to put any of his energy into me.  

 In the time since, I’ve seen one other guy but ended it because I wasn’t ready or interested. My main prerogative has been finding myself, travelling, joining groups, focusing on my health etc.  

The thing is, this whole time I’ve not been able to imagine a future with ANYONE else but my ex, I’ve not been interested in trying to find anyone new (the guy I was seeing was an old friend who asked me out organically). I’ve had other men approach me but I’ve just not wanted to date.   

Lately I’ve been thinking about my ex nearly all day and I’m not sure how to proceed, because in this time I’ve decided that I actually don’t mind if I don’t have children, I’d rather just have him   

Now, I know he felt abandoned by me and he’s very stubborn. We’ve not spoken for probably 8 months… So how would I reach out or is moving on my only? I’m so anxious about not having the opportunity to see him again, I feel like I totally messed up but it was with our best interest at heart, I never wanted to hurt him, I wanted my absence to heal him.   Man, adulting is so hard. I feel really broken. ",How about NOT contacting him.  Let the man live in peace.,"You made the right decision to break up, it’s a hard decision and you just need to give it time. You’re saying that you don’t mind not having children but this is likely not true, you miss him and trying to convince yourself you can be happy without having kids. I think you should focus on yourself and starting dating when you’re ready",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
163,"I am a 30F and I’ve been talking to a 25M for the past two months. We’ve been on 7 or 8 dates and they have all been going so well. Last night we went out to dinner and I slept at his place, like I have done many times before. We are extremely sexual and I have mentioned that I enjoy being choked during sex. He’s done it before and I’ve enjoyed it! This morning, we’re having a conversation in bed and are not in any position to start being intimate. The conversation was harmless but we started to debate a topic. After I said my side, he wrapped his hands around my throat for a few seconds. It didn’t necessarily hurt, but I was honestly shocked afterwards. I said he could choke me during sex and this was completely out of the blue….I brought it up later and said it really really concerned me. He apologized and said he would never hurt me and he didn’t mean it like that…should I give him another chance or run?","That's a run moment.

Leading up...

* Okay, she talked about sex choking, she's into it.
* He did it before during sex and she liked it.

I was expecting this to be a situation where he just went for it during sex but did it with without warning this time. That's just a boundary readjustment. 

But nah.. To choke someone during a debate. That's a huge F no.

What happens during sex is irrelevant. To choke someone out of frustration that is statistically the most dangerous.","You need to leave him. When it comes to choking in bed there need to be rules/boundaries for safety sake, and he obviously does not respect that. It's not something he should be doing out of irritation or anger, and if he is, it's a HUGE red flag. Do not trust this man with your life anymore.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
373,"We've been together for a year almost, more often than not I always initiate. We see each other 2-3 times a week, but mainly to do sports or activities, maybe once we will stay over in each other place and most of the time I'm the one engaging sex?

I have mentioned this to him and he understands my frustration he says, he says he likes me a lot, and he fancies me, says I'm good looking/attractive and fit, so physical appearance should not be an issue, I'm his type?

Now he keeps telling me that he has low libido, yet he watches porn everyday, he sex talks a lot and online is more ""playful"" than me.

For example, last wednesday he stayed over at mine, and I initiated and we had sex (last time had been over a week), then on friday we met again and he stayed over, I tried to initiate (again) and he said he was too tired, even to cuddle or kiss, in which I understood, people have those moments. So in the morning I tried to be fun and started caressing him and see his mood, and he was like ""I haven't brushed my teeth"", ""I want to sleep"" this was at 10:00 am.

I'm getting to a point where I'm not sure anymore, I'm trying to abstain from bad thoughts, I really like this guy but I'm starting to feel like a needy person when I'm with him? It's getting to a point I'm not wanting to initiate anymore and if I do it just means we will have less sex. Next time I'm seeing him will be this friday and I know that more than likely we will have because he asked for me to stay over, but I feel so frustrated that I feel like going, staying but just not do anything, but that's not a healthy approach or thought...

TDLR : I feel like I'm being needy, I communicate as much as I can with my partner but I'm just feeling like shit and the only one that cares about this...","Move on, not a good match.","Maybe the things you two like sex wise are different and he doesn't feel motivated. Do you know what type of porn he watches or does the sex talk involve anything paticular that could might hint about his interests and likes about sex.

Now to the honest part;

>We see each other 2-3 times a week, but mainly to do sports or activities, maybe once we will stay over in each other place and most of the time I'm the one engaging sex?

>he says he likes me a lot, and he fancies me

>even to cuddle or kiss

This this doesn't sound like a relationship. It sound like a long-term FWB thing. It's very unlikely for someone to just hang around to do sports and activities, to say they like you or fancy you (not love you after almost a year), and be so cold not to cuddle for even 5 minutes and be dismissive in the morning, and see this a serious relationship. He seems to be dragging you along for his benefit.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
181,"Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 years, as of two nights ago we are on a break because she claims she doesn’t know if she wants anything serious, and needs to figure out what she wants, I expect I will be broken up with in a little bit here. This was my first relationship, my first actual love, she has treated me extremely poorly throughout most of the relationship, so originally I was not too distraught about breaking up, until I learned about the “man’s first love theory”, where basically every man never stops loving the first person they fell in love with, and I have since read about so many men who 5, 10, 20 years after breaking up with their first love they still wish they could go back to them, I even saw someone say that they were 40 with a wife and kids and still wish they were with their gf when they were 17. I am so scared this is going to happen to me, I do not want to compare her to every person that comes after her but I’m afraid I will, I’m afraid that losing her will ruin my life. Does anyone have any experience with this? Is this something I should be worried about? Or does everyone think this after their first break up?

TL;DR Breaking up with my first gf of 3 years who treated me poorly, Im afraid of the theory that every man keeps loving their first love their entire life. Is this true? Should I be scared?",U shouldn't be scared it's not true. You have many loves in ur life the whole idea of first love is just romancized bs,"
The real issue you should be focusing on, is why you want to date someone that treats you poorly? Why is there no requirements for your love?

Why aren’t you trying to end this much sooner when you had poor treatment. 

You have a mutual low respect for you. That’s the real issue you have.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
356,"I am F (26) and my boyfriend is M (25). He is the kind of man out of a DREAM. He’s a provider, he pampers and spoils me, emotionally supports me, makes me feel like i’m a goddess. Everything has been great between us, and i could see myself spending my life with him. With all that being said, he admitted he was my STALKER before we met. 

This started when I found a reddit thread about a woman being stalked by her boyfriend prior to their relationship which sounded oddly familiar. i jokingly said that it reminded me of him, and playfully asked if he stalked me. he confessed that he had. 

he was designing a website for my employer, at the time i worked at a women’s clothing boutique. i modeled for the brand, which is where he found modeling photos of me, and admitted he couldn’t get me out of his head. he said my eyes in the photos felt like i was looking at him through the screen. he proceeded to go to the store where i worked, to find out my information from my coworker. 

he then proceeded to find my instagram, dive deeply into it, and then start to sit outside of the store to watch me. he said it was only a one time thing but i think he may be lying. 

there were other signs, like knowing information about me without me telling him, and his openness to confessing his deep obsession with me. he admitted he keeps a box under his bed with things he’s taken from me. small insignificant objects like used napkins, tissues, hair ties, etc, things that he keeps to remind himself of me.

i have to admit, i find this intriguing and almost charming, that he is so head over heels for me. i’m coming here to see if i’ve lost my mind for feeling this way? i also am a tiny bit creeped out, but i’m so in love it really overpowers that feeling. but how much of my love could potentially be manipulated? we’re best friends and i’ve never been happier. Am I crazy for wanting to continue our relationship???",Are you dating Joe?,Someone just watched “YOU”,Not Relevant,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
329,"I need to vent to some bros

Had two dates with this cute girl, had a little foreplay before I dropped her off after 2nd date. A lot of laughs and stayed texting a lot between. 3rd date she was gonna come over and hangout for the evening. Very sensual and ended up fucking for 5 hours on/off. Some of the best sex of my life and felt like we had a real connection. She definitely had multiple O’s and she even said I was an undercover pornstar(literally best compliment I’ve ever received). She gave every indication that she absolutely loved it, even the following days she sent me a couple memes on Insta describing how good the sex was. 
The following week we had plans and at the very last minute cancels our plans after leaving me on read for 2 days but says how she was so excited for our plans and that we’ll rain check. 
Following that, she completely ghosts me while posting on her fucking story 😂 so I text her letting her know I appreciated the time spent and I hope she finds what she is looking for. 
Which she then replies saying she enjoyed the time and just wants to be friends.

I’ve definitely done my fair share in my past so no hard feelings, but damn. I deadass have never felt so played in my whole life 😂 ","yep, you got played, it happens.

just keep it movin lol",Karma,Commentator's opinion,Hurtful,Comment 1,part 3
169,"Hey guys, so I'm in need of your experiences. There's this one girl in my life... She makes me think about her all the time, getting lost in her eyes or just fall in love with her laugh on a regular base. We have a good friendship together. But, atleast from my side, I feel and want more than just being in a friendship with her. There's this fear of what happens if I express my feelings to her - what if she says no? 

I can't think of how much the loss of this friendship will hurt me. Did some of you have the same problem? and how did you handle it?

 Also excuse my english, thanks:)","You have to be willing to lose it all to gain it all. Sure, she may say no, but would you rather live life knowing you never even gave it a chance while she continues to date other men who will not be you?","Try and you may fail. Don’t try and you guaranteed your own failure. And given enough years, the thing will hurt you most is the regret of things you left undone and things left unsaid. Even you tried and something, made mistakes, whatever… you’ll look back being glad you have some silly war stories. Who knows, maybe many years from now, you tell a bedtime story to your daughter about the friendship you had with her mother, and the fear you had at this very moment about expressing your feelings… and maybe a story about getting rejected several times before she agrees and say yes… whatever it is, it will be beautiful bedtime stories.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
304,I was kind to her and she sent me them on instagram messenger ,Ask her,Dude it’s just hearts. I use whichever one I see. It doesn’t matter,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
365,"aka he's cheating but only the girl finishes and he did not? is that even realistically speaking, possible? or he's lying? but why would he lie about something like that? He already admitted that he cheated on me, why tell me that detail? And another thing, when we were still getting to know each other, he told me that his first ex cheated on him multiple times during their long-term rs so this made me wonder the fuck out, IF U ALREADY EXPERIENCED BEING CHEATED ON, WHY WOULD U DO IT TO UR PARTNER IF U SAID U ALREADY KNOW THE FEELING OF IT AND ITS NOT GOOD???
He also told me when he admitted that he cheated the day after he had done the deed that if he was on my shoes, he would immediately leave me and i told him ""well the thing is, ITS NOT U WHO GOT CHEATED ON SO U DONT GET TO QUESTION HOW I WILL HANDLE MY BUSINESS OF GETTING CHEATED ON"" sorry for the capital letters, noni did not yell at him, i just want to emphasize it so that it gets through his closed minded head at the time. Like why would u compare ur experience with mine when we are not the same person, every person is different so do not assume that if something happens and ur action works with it, it doesn't mean that it will work with mine. And call me all u want y'all but I was willing to talk things between us, I was willing to hear him out and make him do the consequences of his actions but he said he will choose to distance himself from me because I do not deserve something horrible like him, who cheated on me. Oops, kinda got sidetracked but any inputs about my question and our situation, everyone? I will appreciate it!","It doesn't even matter.

He cheated on you. 

Dump him to the streets. 

Figuring out the details like they mean something, just beating yourself up and wasting your energy.","LOL. This is a wild lie. The boys are getting sillier aren’t they?

He’s not worth your time, move on",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
289,"I have done a bit of thinking and have somewhat formulated my opinion but I figure I should get some other thoughts before I make a decision.

So I met this girl who's 19. She is super nice and we sorta became friends. I thought it was platonic and had zero intentions of changing that just because I thought our age and careers were at different points. I get along really well with her and even remember I wished I could meet a girl like her but I again did not intend on asking her out. Looking back there was maybe signs she liked me (compliments, friendly and talkative with me) but I thought that was just who she was. Anyways, she asked for my number and we've been been talking alot lately. She is a sweetheart of a person.

My problem is I feel so much older than her especially at this age range. If she were 30 and I were 37 I wouldn't really think twice. But 19 is just so young. I feel like a cradle robber even though she asked me and I haven't initiated anything yet.

Relationship wise we are maybe closer in years. I've been single a long time and haven't dated just because I've been focusing on my personal and professional life. I honestly think she has more relationship experience than I do. I would say she is mature for her age but god that just sounds like creepy justification.

I like the girl, and we get along. I just feel like I'm taking advantage of someone who is too young (and I haven't even done anything but talk with her!). At this point I'm leaning to somehow terminating whatever is happening. Before I do I want to see if any of you think I'm doing this prematurely. Should I let it play out a bit longer and see if it fizzles on its own? Assuming the consensus is to end it do you all have any idea how to let her down gently? She's a super nice person and it was ballsy of her to ask for my number so I don't want to hurt her and like I said I really don't have much experience in the relationship realm.

Thanks",19. Just two years ago she was underage (at least in my state.) I would find it difficult to handle all the criticism and comments. I'm in am age gap relationship but I'm 29. 18 feels like a completely different person as opposed to someone in their late 20s. You can just say you think it's best that you stay friends because of the age difference.,"You're too old for her. She still has a lot of growing up to do. Let her enjoy being young with people her own age. If you step in and start a serious relationship, she's going to have to grow up too fast to catch up to you. Or you're going to be annoyed when she's still doing teenie-bopper shit and making poor decisions (which she will do because her brain won't finish developing until her mid-20s).

Go find someone your own age.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
277,"I (15) was eating ice cream with a girl (14) two days ago. Everything went well and we talked. There was no body contact. In 4 days we will go to the cinema and I don't know if it would be too much for my arm in the cinema to put her or later when we go for a walk to take her hand. Can someone give me some advice?

BTW, I'm writing this with a translator (I'm German)",see how she acts or behaves. if shes closed off then dont.. if she seems to be enjoying herself then go for it. dont force if she does not seem receptive,"This is so sweet. If you can’t tell if she wants to, it’s always okay to ask. If she says no, try not to be too visibly disappointed or pressure her. She may want to another time.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
322,"Heya, my gf 21f and I 23m have had a rocky start to our long distance, for reasons I can’t be arsed to type out to be honest. Anyway scene set and moving on. 

Naturally as we’ve begun long distance, and it’s started imperfectly and been handled imperfectly since, there’s been a few things brought up to each other. One thing I was aware of before but now I see it growing more as a problem is that she tells her mom every time we have a fight. I don’t know how much info she gives, I doubt all of it because to be honest some of these circumstances have only arose because of her actions. But regardless, I’m more aware of how her parents view of me is probably pretty bad, she says they like me, although don’t believe it and she wouldn’t say they didn’t like me even if they did, I don’t think. 

She has brought up comments from her mom in several conversations about these things, all revolving around the general idea that I’m being too harsh/mean/judgemental etc. I find it difficult because I do still have some genuine concerns for how our relationship is changing, and very little is being done to combat them. And now I feel I can’t bring anything up because it could upset her and make her family dislike me more. 

I can give more detail if you guys think it’s needed for this situation, but I’m mainly wondering how to approach this subject fairly, as I know she’s close with her family, or if it’s reasonable or justified at all to be thinking about it. For me, a boundary between our relationship and the opinions of family and friends should be made so that we can solve these things internally. I mean if we can’t solve it internally, that’s a pretty bad omen right? 

Or possibility two, am I just being too unreasonable should I just lay off and deal with the issues I have on my own 
","Don't take it the wrong way, but you are not entitled to decide what she can or cannot confide in to her mother. As long as she's not informing her about very private stuff like intimacy-related details and so on, you have to accept it. 

Regardless, it seems like you don't really have a positive view of her. I have no idea why it is like that, but her parents are the last issue you should focus on. 

Are you sure you like her enough to be together?","There should be a balance here. She is entitled to seek support from her loved ones, including her family.  That includes relationship issues. It's not reasonable to ask her to only discuss relationship issues with you.


But she should also be keeping in mind that complaining or venting about you too much, too often, will poison her loved ones against you.  It's up to her to be thoughtful about only seeking that support when it's really needed and not every time anything goes wrong. 


I think you can tell her, once, that you get worried her family only hears bad things about you, and that you're hoping she balances it out by talking about the good stuff, too.


Beyond that I would worry less about how she's seeking support and more about why you're fighting so much that this is even an issue. Fix the underlying relationship problems and this part will fix itself.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
235,"Don’t get me wrong… I am not some asshole looking for ways to get out of a relationship…
But this girl has been love bombing me for the longest of times she gets angry on stupid things or really illogical shit like, 

1)why are you sad … you being sad ruins my vibe ( we fought over this for two days unit she found her vibe back )

2) add two tomatoes to the curry …me(i like only one … as its no one else eating it .. i am adding one ) 
… got angry as hell … fought for whole day 

3) her suggestions are commands to me 

4) (i am pretty middle class wont go above zara or hnm) wont stop talking about how rich her father is … makes me feel how small i am 


I have discussed all these problems with her … it stops for a while and creeps up again … if i discuss it again she cries and wont stop until i give up and say its okay..or she has some perspective in which i am wrong somehow and she is the victim

Right now i am in a crucial age where i need to focus on my career and want someone who supports that idk how to end things … 

I have seen people end things mutually and be good in life … please tell me how to ","Hi bro i left you a dm cause i have a personal message for you full
of concerns . hope it helps and sorry i am over the top
with my thought",“I feel like we have different expectations in a relationship and unfortunately this isn’t working for me. I hope we can stay friendly but understand if that’s not possible.”,Not Relevant,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
396,"I m 18 and going to be 19 in august 21. i m struggling with dating i m still a virgin and in highschool i had a lot of trouble dating i tried to pursue every girl in school and was rejected by all of them 🙃so i took a break from trying to date and worked on myself especially my social skills but i still have a lot of social anxiety , anyway as summer came i dowloaded tinder but it was basically useless since for 3 months i had 0 likes and obviously 0 matches should i keep trying with tinder or just ask any girl i meet in real life ?? Where did you have more success dating is it on tinder or real life ??","You should continue focusing on social skills, building a social circle and creating life experiences with them. You'll meet more women over time and have the social skills to actually talk to them","you won't get a girlfriend if you focus so much on her being a ""good looking girlfriend"". Women can tell when you don't have your priorities straight",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
165,"For context, my boyfriend (M/30) isn't in any kind of secret relationship with her. She's dating his close friend, and lives in a different state than us. 

The reason I (F/27) have an issue with him following her to begin with is she was being mildly flirty with him one night via a discord chat (boyfriend plays video games with his close friend & she happened to be there).

I'm not okay with that, so I shut it down and told him it made me uncomfortable. So, I noticed he recently started following her on Instagram, but that isn't the part that bugged me. 

What bugged me is he went back and liked every single one of her posts all the way back to 2018. He didn't comment, but he liked them. Point is, why?

So, the first time I told him I wasn't comfortable with that, resulting in him blocking her. Eventually he unblocked her and followed her again (like wtf?). This time I unfollowed her for him, only for him to refollow her again months later.

We've been together 10 years and he has a history of purposefully doing things I don't like (yeah, I know). Is this one of those moments? Or is there something else going on? 

I've checked his messages and he's not physically speaking to her, so what gives?  ","Girl, why are you with a man who *purposefully* does things he knows hurts you?? The issue here is you. You’re the one staying with someone who disrespects you and doesn’t care how you feel. You need to wake up and realize his behavior isn’t going to change and this is never going to stop. This man won’t even stop following a girl for you, instead he goes back years and likes all of her pictures. 

Please realize you deserve better than this. A man who loves you isn’t going to try to hurt you and upset you. He isn’t going to try to embarrass you by going back 5+ years on a girls instagram liking all of her pictures (which sends her a certain message). The right person for you is going to shut down flirty conversation without you even having to say anything. Relationships are not supposed to hurt you like this, I promise there is so much better out there. 

Regardless of if he’s inappropriately talking to her or just trying to upset you, both are horrible and say a lot about his character.","i'll be honest... i'm a girl gamer and i befriended a few guys along the way. some single and some with girlfriends. 

i am hit on 99% of the time by the guys with girlfriends. and i even ended up talking to one of the guys who lived in another country who told me they broke up because she cheated on him, come to find out he lied and they were together the whole time and he had no remorse when i found out. 

please please just talk to him about it. i dont want to make assumptions but its very weird he's went and liked all her photos (that's a sign of flirting on instagram but being discrete about it. been there multiple times) and he's not listening to the boundaries you set and this is just giving me flashbacks of what i went through being on the other side.

it's easier to get away with emotional cheating than physical cheating. some men find it more fun to flirt with girls they will never see because they will never be there to confront him",Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
366,"Got tested a couple of months ago after returning from South Africa, per a promise to my partner then . She and I are on good terms but are no longer dating. My test was clean. Fyi I have been polyamorous for years now.

Since returning, I have had sex with her and 3 other people, 2 new. With one of these people, the condom slipped at the end. I told her I was fine with being tested, which she liked, and I feel is the right thing to do.

She has since mostly vanished, just exhibiting breadcruming. I understand she has a life and that despite really connecting, that doesn't mean a fling necessitates more from either party. She is not responding to texts or asking for me to get tested, so I've moved along in life whilst enjoying a good memory.

I get tested annually, at least, and am not worried. But out of respect for her, I am fine with getting tested. FYI I have had a vasectomy so that isn't a concern.

Tldr; for someone who has clearly moved along and is not keeping in touch, should I get tested after a condom briefly slipped? FYI this is one of those condom slipped off while pulling out after orgasm, not mid-sex.

Please, I've had a tough month so save any aggressive comments for elsewhere. I'm trying to do the right thing.",Yes get tested,Get tested for you not her.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
198,"My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and we have lived together for 7 months. We have had a LOT of issues in our relationship, mostly done by him and his addictions. I’ve decided to stay and help him get through his issues, even if that means hurting myself in the process. 

There has been porn addiction and online sexting that has happened throughout our entire relationship up until February when I found out. Because of this, I am extremely cautious and a little self conscious about myself and the way I look. 

Yesterday, he showed me a text from his friend. It was a gif. When I looked at the entire screen, his friend sent him a video of women in lingerie dancing with light sabers (my boyfriend is a big Star Wars fan). My boyfriend’s response was “we need to go to the strip club lol”. 

We went to sleep after. Today he asked me what was wrong; and I said “I want to tell you, but you’re going to be annoyed.” And he said “just tell me”. So I told him seeing that text made me uncomfortable and I didn’t like that his friend felt okay with sending him a video of women in lingerie dancing. And I didn’t like his response, as I’m not okay with him going to a strip club or entertaining other women.

He immediately got defensive and started cussing saying “I’m never going to the fucking strip club, if anyone texts me like that I will respond with ‘fuck you my girlfriend doesn’t like these texts. Loose my number you piece of shit’ I know you hate this friend and you told me you never want to hang out with him again. I only talk to him at work and he sometimes texts me weird fucking shit”. I started holding my hands up because he was borderline yelling and I stood up and he said “you know what. You stay in here I’ll fucking go downstairs”. 

I almost feel bad for being upset because he didn’t intend for me to see that part of his texts (I wasn’t going through his phone, he was holding his phone, I just read the entire screen). I know that’s a “guy” thing to do but he’s 40 and has hurt me and my ego countless times by entertaining other women. 

Mind you, I was calm. I know I should have said something yesterday when it happened, but I also attended my grandpas funeral yesterday so my emotions were all over the place. I knew he would get annoyed which is why I don’t like to tell him what’s wrong with me, and he proved me right. I don’t really know what to do or how to go from here. I ended up taking a bubble bath and the bathroom door is closed. What should be my next move? ",Girl you're dating a man child. GTFO now bc you can't fix him. Focus that attention on yourself and your own happiness..there is a reason men like that can't date women their own age and it isn't bc he chooses to,"Why would you stay with someone who treats you like this? You need to find a therapist and seek some help for your self esteem , YOU deserve better than this man child",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
263,"i (23F) have officially deleted my dating profiles.

i quit.

ive been single for about 4 years now. i have been actively going on dates and meeting new people for over a year now. no luck. men just aren’t looking for relationships. i know that im attractive, smart, funny, caring, etc. i am relationship material. i have a lot to offer: the men ive dated have acknowledged this but they are all emotionally unavailable. you may ask, “why date guys that are aren’t available?”. to that i say, “why are unavailable guys on dating apps in the first place?”. 

the dating market is abysmal. great women and men alike are all struggling and it’s no coincidence why. dating in 2024 is a lost cause.

im hoping that me giving up is liberating as i say goodbye to the never-ending disappointment of dead end connections and rejection. maybe now i’ll shave my head. move overseas. become a nomad. i dont know! and it doesnt matter now!

good luck to you all still in this dating game. hope you can find what you’re looking for in this shit show. ",Lots of us still are looking as a male i feel this with women.,"Yeah it's really rough. I met this woman at a bar on Friday and absolutely hit it off with her. Within 5 minutes of talking to her she tells me she's in love with my personality and invites me to her place. I try to set up a real date with her the next day and I get hit with the ""I just got out of a relationship"" card. Shits rough out here. I really wish people were just up front with what they want.",Commentator's opinion,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
320,"I’m a 22f and I went on a 1st date with a guy. It was nice, I had a great time, but I didn’t feel anything special when I was with him. He didn’t tell me anything about how it went for him and I just don’t know if I should give it a 2nd try or just stop things now. And how should I do it ? What can I say without sounding rude ? Or is it okay to just let the conversation die ?
Thank you for your answer !!","There’s no way not to hurt someone when you reject them, but that doesn’t mean that you disrespect them. On the contrary, you value them enough to tell them what you feel. People get closure when they know the truth, don’t give a fake excuse for the sake of being kind. Tell him politely that you don’t want to see him again.",Let him know you don’t feel the connection don’t let him hang like that. That’s disrespectful,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 1,part 3
326,"36F - Are girls really out here “using”men for free meals? I have had a few guys tell me that girls they’ve gone on dates with from apps are using them for free meals.  I love a good meal but this seems ridic to me. 
One guy even asked me if I was going to pay for myself before we even met up, which made me really uncomfortable. I was raised very traditional so there are some aspects that I enjoy about dating a man but I don’t need a stranger paying for my meal; I’m not homeless. The way I was raised was if a guy asks me on a date and he’s picking the place, he’s taking me out and I’m assuming he had the funds to cover it. Whether I like him enough to go on a second date does not determine whether I offer to pay for myself, which I always do, and depending on the situation I may let him pay that time. I only do this if I am certain I want to go out with him again and there are no major red flags waving. 
Backstory- in my 20s, I did experience some backlash from men who I let pay for me and did not want to go on a second date with. 
Obviously there’s still a huge wage gap so I am not saying I think every girl can do this, especially if she has kids, but I think in general it is a good policy I’ve stuck to because then guys can’t hold it over us later. Just wondering if there are truly women out there doing this whole “free meals” thing or if that is a myth bc the guys make it seem rampant!
","Well, for me it isn’t like i need your money but it would be nice if you at least offer sometimes.  A lady who can take care of herself is so hot","There are absolutely people looking for free things. I'm not saying quid pro quo where the person who didn't post is owed anything,  but the first date should be split. 


I had a date I was asked on.  The woman ordered a fresh juice,  appetizer, coffee,  20$ lunch item, dessert and an espresso coffee item. I ordered a 7$ lunch. 

The bill came and she loudly proclaims,  don't worry,  I'll get the tip.

The bill was 70$ and I ordered 10% of it. 

I sat there in awe and put a 20$ on the table and watched her whip out her cell phone calculator smashing the screen in a fury and she got visibly agitated.

I just walked out with the 20$ left.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
297,"Context: I met this guy on work. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me then turning away suddenly whenever I would look at him. He would come to the place that I work at ( he works at another department ) multiple times a day, would ask what my name is, and while I was preparing his order for him, I could notice him staring at me. This goes on for about a month. Strange thing is, whenever I look at him, he snatches his gaze away. His manager once told me in front of him and that he is “good with girls”. Anyways, fast forward, I start liking him too, I tell my supervisor about it and she thinks it’s a good idea to be a matchmaker for us. Spoiler: she makes it too obvious that I like him and I think okay, this is over for me, he’s gonna lose interest. Now he doesn’t initiate conversation, kind of turned abit ‘cold’. BUT he still keeps staring and glancing at me whenever he thinks I don’t notice. Even my coworker told me he saw him staring at me. What’s the explanation behind his behavior? 
","I'm not really sure why he decided to be cold towards you all of a sudden but if he's still catching glances at you, he must still feel something or is fixated. Maybe now knowing that you possibly like him (as your co-workers make it obvious) he might be trying that to seem more desirable to you? (Possibly heard that girls like the cold guy personality) 

Try actually talking to him, I feel like nothing will happen with this when its been a whole month of just staring at each other. If you don't want to be direct asking if he's totally interested in you, you could ask to just hang out with him and deciding on what to do, you ask about his hobbies.","Likely not interested, he knows u r, + he’s not doing anything about it despite having the skills to do so",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
220,"Background: 
My girlfriend and I have been dating since we met in orientation week of undergrad in 2017. We broke up in Nov 2020 due to a variety of reason but mainly centered around both of our poor coping strategies from childhood trauma. 

We rekindled our relationship in Jan 2023 after working on our problems apart. After dating long distance for 6 months we moved in together. 

The relationship has been mostly harmonious but there has been two issues that have been getting worse recently. 

The problem:
The first is that her ADHD has created a dynamic where I feel like I have to constantly keep track of housework/chores/bills as her executive disfunction prevents her from reliably self starting activities. This has lead to fatigue and burnout on my end and a dilemma of struggling to moderate my negative feelings as I do understand this is a disorder she also is dissatisfied with her inability to keep on top of her tasks.

The second is that her financial literacy is slowly draining me. After we broke up she dropped out of undergrad but still took on $19k in student loans. Mind you, I worked multiple jobs concurrently while in undergrad to only take $7k of student loans that I’ve paid down to a balance of $1500 after graduating. 

This gets into the bulk of the issue which is her financial literacy. The problem is that she has not paid any of it back and regularly will spend her checking account down to nothing and need me to send her money to keep her from over drafting. 

If it was legitimate needs like food I would understand but from what I see, she has a clothing shopping addiction and spends over what she can afford. She has stated to put $600 of clothing on affirm, and regularly thrifts for cloths even though our bedroom is overrun  with her clothing she already has. 

Once she gets her paycheck I would say she repays about 60-80% of what she needed me to cover but simply put she doesn’t earn enough to reliably cover her lifestyle. 

To her credit she is usually good about paying her portion of rent and bills but she only does so retroactively after it’s all due which means I’m on the hook to have the money needed to cover everything up front which has been hard lately with the cost of everything going up. 

Conclusion: 
I really do love her and want to stand by her doing anything I can. However, her lack of action to address these issues is slowly making me feel like a servant in the relationship. Sometimes I wake up in panics thinking about how if we get married then I’ll probably be on the one paying back her student loans while also being the only one trying to save up for our shared goals such as buying a house. 

TLDR:
How do I get her to take her financial literacy more seriously?","Multiple things going on here.

1- you are carrying the weight of the emotional labour in the relationship, of course you’re burnt out. 

2- you are also carrying the financial load in the relationship, which isn’t fair, impacting your finances to the point she is taking advantage of you. 


First & foremost, she needs professional help to determine her ability to function & if she needs medication to aid in her ability to function. Hopefully she can overcome her shopping addiction with professional help, but she also needs to put in an active effort to stop spending. 

You need to set the standards & expectation in terms of labour, split the emotional labour evenly, have a calendar & a list on the fridge of daily chores & whatever. 

I wouldn’t say you’re enabling her but her shopping addiction is propped up by the safety net that you will help her out financially once she’s burned through her own money. 

She needs to make an active effort to change or you need to walk away because this relationship is depleting you emotionally & financially, which is impacting your life in a negative way.",Seems like she needs re-evaluation of her ADHD treatment plan because it sounds very poorly managed right now. Classes are going to be a waste until that is dealt with,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
167,"
So me (F22) and my bf (M23) had a great sex life in the beginning. Usually once a day and he was enjoying it a lot, initiating it the majority of the time. I already had some problems with being rejected back then so I felt really overwhelmed when he sometimes wasn’t that much in the mood. However, that was controllable. Now 2 years into the relationship, he seems to just don‘t want me sexually anymore. His libido got really low half a year ago but we thought it was because of his semester abroad. Now he‘s been back for over 2 months but nothing’s changed. He seems to be less interested in me everyday. I also try everything, putting on sexy clothes, wearing makeup, doing my hair, doing sexy stuff to get him in the mood. But even when it works he seems to not enjoy it as much as he used to. He doesn’t touch me in „awe“ anymore and seems to not be in love with me and my body anymore. He denies that this is the case everytime I try to talk about it but still nothing’s changing. So now I‘m thinking if I‘m just overdramatizing it? And just wanted to ask if anybody else had similar situations and how you cope with the extreme feelings of rejection.","Yea know...life happens and we all get kinda tired. First..communication is key. Get on the same page.

Second...mix it up.

There was something so incredibly erotic that out of the blue.....the wife of 20+ years was legs spread masterbateing as i exited the shower. We locked eyes. I got insta hard and we did a mutual masterbateing session. We both came so damn quick watching each other masterbateing.",Perhaps he’s cheating on you,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
264,"my girlfriend and i (2 years together) were renting a house with roommates and we both have been unhappy with the living situation. so we planned to both move back in with our parents to save money to buy our own house. 

she already moved in with her mom for about a month and was able to get a job with her. there is a water leak so they have to keep the water cut off until they need it on. the electricity only works in one bedroom so they cannot run AC or the fridge or cook and when they need to use the water, there’s no hot water because the water heater can’t get power. (it is rural mississippi in the middle of summer) but she chose to move there.

i have a decent job and i move in with my dad tomorrow. my plan is to save up enough money to pay off debts and to buy a car for her with cash and for a down payment on a house i can own. i have been renting different houses for almost 4 years and i’m throwing money away

she wants me to just go rent another house so we can be together just us two. i told her i want to own my next home and she is saying i don’t care about her living situation. i’ve offered solutions like living with other people and for me to pay to have someone fix the issues with her mom’s trailer

she is genuinely mad at me for not getting her out of that trailer when i am trying to build a good future for us both. she threatened to kill herself to see if i would just go ahead and get us a place. i think the whole situation is crazy.","She doesn't give a shit about your efforts, blame you for her situation when you have nothing to do with it and it's not your job to maintain her, and she... threatened to kill herself? the fuck lol. I'd bail the fuck out before she punctured my condoms.",Save up and take care of yourself first. She's gotta grow up and get it together instead of trying to live off of you. You offered to help and that's all you should be offering. Don't let her emotionally manipulate you with the threats of taking her life. Let her be mad. If she continues on with her mess instead of helping herself then you probably should dump her.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
249,"So recently I broke up with my boyfriend who I had been with for 3 months because I felt like he just didn't respect me. He would tell me dirty jokes and wouldn't stop when I told him it bothered me. Generally, he always tried to blame me whenever I tried to communicate with him about what I didn't like in our relationship. I also feel like he just didn't make an effort because he knew I'd never had a boyfriend before, so he thought anything would satisfy me. When I was breaking up with him, I told him that I was going through a rough time and needed to focus on myself, mentioning his behavior as well, and he didn't even ask what was going on.

Now, 2 weeks after we broke up, he wants to try again, but the first thing he writes to me is that ""he saw on my Instagram stories that I'm having fun with my friend."" I told him that we can keep in touch, but I don't think there will be anything more to it. He keeps saying that we should try but I'm not having any of it. The problem is that I have low self-esteem and I feel like that's why he treats me this way...

I wish that everything could be good in our relationship but I just feel that he is not the person for me and that nothing will come of it, but I also don't want to write anyone off 100% and I really don't know what to do.

TDLR, I broke up with my boyfriend but he wants me back and I don't know if I should give him a chance.",He saw you having fun and is trying to worm his way back in. Don't do it.,Stop talking with him . It doesn’t mean you hate him. But he seems to be just unhealthy. Work on yourself esteem. You seem to know you are worth more than being offered.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
394,[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ],literally just stop talking to her.,I mean she can't be that boring if you're posting on here about her,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
398,"I'm a 23F dating a 25M for a few months. I recently discovered he didn't graduate high school, while I'm currently in college. I don't think he's dumb or lacks emotional intelligence, but I sometimes worry about our relationship's future fulfillment. I've always dated or been friends with people who are in college or have graduated. He earns around $80k a year, while I'm still in school and job hunting. He doesn't seem to mind that and is happy with me.

However, when I bring up certain topics, he often doesn't engage because he ""doesn't ever think about those things."" His family doesn't seem to think critically about certain subjects either. I try not to be condescending, but I get bored with small talk and pop culture (even with him). He will sometimes make comments like “you’re so smart” while pinching my cheeks, after I’ve said something that is common sense??

I've dated guys who are more knowledgeable, which I find attractive, but I always worried about boring them or being used. I've also rejected guys with dead-end jobs because I don't find that attractive. My ex was very patronizing and made me feel dumb all the time, so I have some trauma from that. Might be the reason why I’ve self sabotaged previous relationships? Despite this, my current boyfriend has many redeeming qualities and I am very attracted to him. I just have anxiety over this at times.

Do you find that intellectual gaps cause problems in a relationship later on?","Gap in intelligence becomes more of an issue the older you get and longer the relationship lasts.

My wife is intelligent, like book smart. But has no desire to discuss any topics. The lack of mental stimulation is brutal.",Are you more concerned with how it appears when you are with others?,Commentator's opinion,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
339,"
I was seeing this girl for 2 months, which is short but it was intense and serious (going out 3 times a week, some vulnerability around our issues and wanting to make this work). She recently decided that she’s going to her hometown for the summer (2 months), which prompted a very long and messy breakup. At first, she said that she feels like this won’t work long distance but was very insistent on being friends. 

I said that I can’t think of her platonically, and we agreed to just ‘take things as they come along’. We went out the next day, and she invited me over to her place and was being very affectionate overall and wanted to discuss what we’ll do while she’s away. Right before the day ended, she did a 180. She said that we’re going in circles, and that there’s already emotional distance here which means that long-distance will make it worse and that she lost romantic attraction.

I turned very cold and left, but reached out to her a few days later because I wanted closure. We met up, she told me that a joke I made that day threw her off. I had given her one of my bracelets, and she asked me if I wanted it back because we might not be on speaking terms by the time she’s back. I joked and told her that she can just give it to a mutual friend. This apparently prompted her to start thinking about how complicated the situation can end up being and made her ‘realize that she lost romantic interest’.

She said that she doesn’t usually like being friends with exs but that she wants to try with me, and asked if she can text me in a few days. I gave her a very halfhearted okay because I’m not sure if I wanna be friends but didn’t wanna make that decision now.

I’m just very confused right now because I feel that the joke I made wasn’t that big of a deal and she could’ve communicated that it made her uncomfortable. Was this actual loss of interest or a fear response? Is she likely to regain feelings once she’s back?

Also, I’m not sure whether she wants to be friends due to guilt or whether she really wants to.  ","No, mate. She's not that into you. She realized you two are incompatible, and she doesn't see a future with you. It's best for you to go no contact and move on with your life.","Basically she doesn’t want you. That’s a hard thing to accept sometimes, but at least she didn’t string you along or cheat on you.  You’re young and there are always plenty of girls before you find the one.  She’s not the one.  Deep breath and let her go.  On to the next. :)

And if you can truly be her friend and take out the romantic side of things, then for sure go for it.  But if you can’t, best to just end it cold and call it a day. No use torturing yourself later.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
275,"Sorry in advance if this is all over the place. Also when I mention summer its when school ended for my son. (If that makes sense lol) 

My husband and I have been married for 8 years. So I have been to quite a lot of his family events and his to mine. For the past 3 years in the summer,  because we live about 2 hours away from family.  I would take the children to his family events while he works as well as mine. I am also a stay at home mom , so regardless the children are always with me. 

This week I just took our children to his older sisters house for a pool party, and she invited us back for a 4th of July party. All of which my husband was working or will be working. Ive known his family for so long, if Im not tired I go because I enjoy hanging out with them too. 

This summer his youngest brother(29M) is having a birthday party along with his son(9m) and he invited us. I told him I am all partied out can he take the children this time by his self. 

His first response is to say, ""You see, this is why I don't invite you to go places with me. Whenever I want you to go to my family with me , its a no."" 

This summer alone, we have been to both his niece and nephew graduations together. I have been to two of his sisters pool parties and the summer just began. 

After arguing, I feel for no reason. The point he was trying to make is this brother that invited us usually doesn't throw parties and it could be a time for ""us"" to hang out. 

My point is , realistically he is going to leave us by going for a ""walk""(if you know you know) as he always do and I won't probably see him again until its time to clean up( because he loves to stay and clean). So the whole time I will have to keep an eye on my children and one of them is a toddler, so I will be with a child all night. 

Which brought me back to my first response of ""Can you take them instead?"".

I feel like he is trying to guilt trip me into going.","Is there a reason you can't communicate your concerns?   You guys have been married 8 years. This is the sort of problem that is easily resolved by healthy communication and compromise.

He wants to go, you don't want to get stuck with the kids. Easy middle ground is to just go but he be in charge of the kids.","I think you make a deal with him .... You go this time, but you are going to pass on a couple of upcoming events. And, if he goes for a walk (no, I don't know, but I assume it's to smoke pot) and you don't see him again until the end, he loses the right to complain if you decide not to go in the future. 

If you don't like that idea, maybe ask him if he intends to watch the children so you can have fun, too.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
212,"We’ve been official for about 3.5 months but dated and knew each other before that, we both love each other and it was such a perfect relationship, and even though we argued very rarely about things it was always calm and kind and led to a deeper understanding of each other. A few days ago we had a big fight based on a lack of understanding of each other, and it led to us explaining to one another why we feel the way we feel and made us so much closer. But the fight scared me and left me feeling like I was taking the blame for all of it when in reality the whole situation was bad and truly blameless. Because I’m stupid and immature I started to try and blame her for the fight because I couldn’t handle the fault for it even though she never even blamed me, I just felt like she did. This ended up hurting her and didn’t even make me feel better, it just made me realize that I have a lot of problems that I need to fix. Because I didn’t feel better and I was stressed about everything that I needed to fix I was super irritable and felt like I was getting mad at her, and I didn’t know why and she felt it and it obviously hurt her, and I tried so hard to explain it to her but I just couldn’t because I didn’t understand it at the time. Eventually after a long time of thinking and writing down everything that I feel I managed to understand why I felt the way that I did, and I only felt irritated by her because I was so overwhelmed and stressed out by so many things that were centered around her, but weren’t any fault of her own. So while I was hurting her because I couldn’t put my feelings aside, she was comforting me and talking me through everything and trying to understand me and fix me and make everything work. And I kept telling her how sorry I was for hurting her and how horrible I felt for not being able to put my feelings aside and just show my love for her, but for some reason she forgave me and comforted me and still loved me and so now I feel like the biggest pos right now and I have no idea what I can do. She loves me so much and she’s so kind and caring and good and she’s an angel and I hurt her and I know she forgives me but I put a lot of strain on her and on our relationship and I just have no idea how to fix this.","Bro this text was convoluted as fuck! It seems like you have a hard time figuring out how you feel when dealing with negative emotions, and/or managing them. You are aware of it, which is a good start though. My advice for you is to tell her you are sorry and think about a way to digest stressors in a more effective way. You can even ask her for help, although you shouldn't rely on it (i.e. help is good, responsibility not so much). You probably need some space to process everything before actually reacting.","What that initial incident was about, you left that out. I'll respect it but its useful information.

Anyways... You're together for 3.5 months romantically, that's brand new. Hard to say if you two even have a sense of ""normal"" because it has not been established yet.

Experience together is what creates ""normal""... And this is the first moment you had in your relationship, it won't be the last.

Shit like this is what actually takes relationships to deeper levels. Actual experience together.

The goal is to do better next time. Really smoothing the relationship out so there is only positive energy. Mistakes are bound to happen and its just a part of figuring each-other out.

A great thing here is your self reflection.

Something negative happened. You two talked about it. Sorted it out. Thought about how you can do better next time. Reflecting on yourself. That's a good recipe.

Some just say sorry and its out of their mind. Repeating the same thing next encounter. Stuck in the same loop. 

Your path results in conflicts bringing the couple closer together. You learn from each-other, make up, take some homework for the road, desiring to better the realtionship next time around. Conflict resolution that introduces deeper understanding and being in tune with things; actually developing it.

For a spot like yours, I would try to wrap things up. Don't drag things out longer than it needs to be.

Say you're sorry again... And then take her out and enjoy each-others company. Go have some fun together and get back into a positive groove.

I am sure the next time you will be more self-aware in the moment and go:

>Okay, last time I did this and I failed miserably. I want to do better this moment and keep this at a more tame moment.

Wrap this situation up. Treat her our to your company and have a good time together, learn to put it to rest. It was already discussed and settled, now get back into having fun.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
227,"Posted before. Struck up what I thought was an amazing friendship with someone. 3 weeks we talked so much shared so much and then out of nowhere ghosted. No indication anything was wrong. Felt like we had a connection where at least if either of us were no longer interested in talking there was enough connection respect and caring there to at least say hey this isn't working or something. 

Completely blocked. Defriended. Not a single word.  

So yeah I guess I was a fool. Thanks for reading. If you have advice please share it. Pretty sure I can't feel much lower or dumber or betrayed than I do right now.","You probably didn't do anything wrong. Without communication you don't know if perhaps she was already in a relationship, wasn't ready for one, was afraid of her own feelings, etc. etc. etc.

Ghosting is somewhat common. You are correct that it would have been more respectful to voice it isn't working. You definitely can do that yourself as a person. That she didn't speaks to how you perhaps are different and is an example of incompatible values.

Which brings me to my point, that you ended up not being compatible. It really sucks. You aren't a fool though, this situation happens quite often. Sounds like you are ready for when you meet your special person!","Sometimes, these things happen. It's doesn't mean you're a fool or did anything wrong. She shouldn't have ghosted you, though. She's the fool for not telling like an adult.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
383,"For context, I am very understanding about mental health. I have had my fair share of depression and anxiety in my past and have been very supportive about his struggles our whole relationship. 
We have been together for 6 years and he was struggling with his depression from the start (well since he was a teenager but I knew when we got together). I love him with all my heart and can’t wait to marry him, but his mental health never seems to improve and I’m struggling to mentally support him all the time. 
We have countless conversations about him seeking help and changing his medication (he has sought help on and off for years) and how it effects our lives.  But it feels like we are just going in circles. He may go see a doctor or psyc but doesn’t maintain this and just stop when he feels he is okay in himself, then he goes down hill again. 
I work 7 days a week to try and pay for our upcoming wedding and do have a lot of pressures in my own life, then coming home to find him in the same spot when I left after being home all day, just leaves me to pick up everything (cleaning, cooking, bills, etc). He works long hours himself so I do understand to a point but everything seems to fall back on me-leaving me exhausted and drained everyday.
Our sex life has taken a massive hit. I have a high sex drive but also place intimacy quite highly in importance to me. He never seems to want to do anything with me and will just sleep or distract himself with other hobbies, making me very self conscious about myself. 
I understand the effects of depression on someone’s life, but now I myself am struggling with everything. 
We have big in-depth talks and he promises to help himself but we always end up back where we started. 

What do I do? Any advice? 
Thx ","There's lots going on in your life, and that makes usually manageable stuff hard to deal with. Have you spoken to him about this, about getting help and continuing even when he feels better? Communication is key in any relationship, so try to keep those channels open. But at tye same time remember to take care of your self. God created the world in 6 days and on the 7th he rested. So if even God deserves a day off, so do you. Can you get a day with no work, and just look after you for 24 hours?","OP. 

Let's take you out of the box which is your life right now, and have you stand outside of it looking in. 

You have a wedding coming up. 

This should be the happiest time of your life right now. 

Sex has dried up. 

Your mental health is starting to suffer. 

You're carrying all this weight because your partner is suffering for mental health issues.. 

He's going off and on with meds and help, it's a never ending cycle..


How are you going to be a mom through all this? 

How are your kids going to be through all this? 

Are they going to have mental health issues too? 

How is he going to be a father through all this? 

You're already holding up a household by yourself right now. Now imagine doing that with a husband and kids. Can you handle all that weight? 

Right now your faced with a difficult situation. Stay or go.  

If I were you, I would postpone the wedding. 

Take a step back for you and your mental health. 

If you proceed with marrying him, one day your knees are going to buckle under the immense weight.  

If he can't help himself now, nothing else is going to fix it. 

Are you even getting therapy for all this? 

Right now, you should be smiling and happy! Planning your wedding! But you sound depressed you sound like you're turning into him. 

Leave",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
248,"You guys were absolutely right I should not have touched him when he asked me to stop. I really think I made this situation way worse.

Relevant information I forgot to include in my panicked state: we are both people who have been sexual assaulted multiple times and have PTSD from it.

I think if this was flipped and he kept touching me as someone who had been SAed and I choked him, no one would have batted an eye. 

Additionally, in the last few days he has set up an appointment to get medication, he had his first session with a therapist, and got diagnosed with Autism. 

This makes a lot of sense. I think he was having an autistic meltdown and then I triggered his PTSD on top of that. It still obviously doesn't make his reaction okay, but it makes it explainable.

We are taking some time separate to work on ourselves and our own mental health. We have had some really productive conversations. 

I am definitely going to keep my hands to myself going forward because I escalated this situation.

We've agreed that if anything like this were to ever happen again, that's a hard line for both of us and I'm moving out immediately.

I also tested him twice which maybe isn't the best thing, but I wanted to gauge his reaction for my own safety. I asked him if he'd go to anger management classes and he said if I thought it would help that he absolutely would. 

I also acted as if I had finally decided to move out, and he calmly accepted that and asked if he could help me out.

Ultimately I know the statistics. However I really think this was a case of some serious undiagnosed and untreated mental health. I'm going to give it another go and check in regularly with the people around me. He has also shared what happened with family and is being honest about the situation.",…good luck. Be safe. If choking or any other act of violence happens even one more time don’t make excuses and rationalize it. The relationship needs to be over.,"As someone who has worked in the domestic violence field for 10 years, you received some really, really problematic advice on your last post. A very large percentage of commenters in this sub do not have the personal or professional experience to appropriately and adequately respond to domestic violence posts, and this is yet another example of that.

Nothing you said or did led to him strangling you. This was a choice. Strangulation is not reactive abuse. Just because your behavior was not okay does not mean this should be solely chalked up to a PTSD response or a mental health breakdown. You said it makes his behavior explainable, but any domestic violence professional worth their salt would not agree with this. There is more going on here than this, and redditors without experience in this topic cannot untangle that safely.

I am going to leave it there. If you want advice that is not dangerous and that will take into account the whole situation, talking to a domestic violence advocate is far more advisable than relying on reddit, though I understand why you did so and I totally get it.

r/abusiverelationships is open to you.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
376,"I (23NB) met my now girlfriend (22F) about a year ago. We took a community college summer class together and became very fast friends. There was obviously an instant attraction as well, which we discussed, but she told me she was working on her mental health and wasn't ready to be in a relationship at the moment. I was relieved because I was in a similar situation. We stayed friends for about 6 weeks before she told me she didn't want to wait anymore and that she wanted to pursue a relationship with me. Stupidly, I said yes. The first few months of our relationship were great, I truly fell in love with her. However, as it continued it became glaringly obvious how much we both really were not ready to be in a relationship. I am currently working very hard to improve my mental health, but my girlfriend doesn't seem nearly as interested in recovery as before. She keeps insisting that she'll start going to therapy regularly, looking for a job, etc. but she never does. She spends all of her time hanging out with me/trying to hang out with me or binging TV shows. I genuinely don't think this relationship is good for her, however, she frequently expresses how much our relationship has helped her, and how she knows she'll be okay as long as we're together. I know this all could have been avoided if I hadn't agreed to a relationship with her, and instead continued to be her friend. I don't want to cut contact with her, because I really do love her, but I don't know if I can stay in this relationship anymore and I feel like this will break her. What should I do?

TLDR; I rushed into a relationship with my girlfriend and now I don't feel like I can break up with her. ",">how much our relationship has helped her, and how she knows she'll be okay as long as we're together

Oh no - this is just pre-guilting you so you won't break up with her.","People fall in and out of love, you are not a bad person for not loving her anymore. That doesn’t mean also that it was a mistake to get into a relationship with her. You followed your heart and it’s okay.

Just be honest with her. It was good while it lasted and relationships come to an end, sometimes way earlier than one would want or expect, but it happens.

Also, assure her that she will be fine without you too. Everything is always fine in the end. The sun always shine after the storm, it’s cliché but true.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
274,"My bf and I have been together for almost a year. We’ve had our communication-spats, but we’ve been so into each other that we’ve worked through them. For the most part. 
We have one difference that honestly shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it’s become one of our biggest hurdles. 
We don’t live together yet. And naturally a lot of sleepovers happen. 90% of the time it runs smoothly. The last 10% though…
I’m a bit of a rule-follower. I like structure. So when we agree to do sleepovers, I go very far to keep those plans intact. Because we made plans together. He, however, is a little more laid back. Those 10% of the time- he cancels. And I don’t mean a day or so in advance. He’ll sometimes cancel 20 minutes after we agreed to meet. He tries to make new plans immediately, but I get mad, of course.
I tried to talk to him about it, and said it made me super uncomfortable, that he couldn’t at least cancel some time ahead. It’s stressful and makes me feel insecure.
He says that usually it happens because he is way too tired and don’t want to disappoint me because he won’t be able to be that present in our time spend together. And that he values relations where we can say no, when one of us isn’t up for meeting.
It hurt me when he said it like that. Because of course I want him to be able to cancel if he’s not up for meeting. But I’m not okay with getting all excited to see him to then be disappointed at the last minute. 
With the way he said this, I’m not sure I’m being too demanding. Any one have any experience similar to this? Thanks in advance.","Shit happens who cares if he cancels? Things come up, moods change, shit happens. U get mad? For canceling? Holy shit what a crazy overreaction. He's allowed to be tired. Honestly if my partner acted the way u did after I canceled cause I didn't feel up to it I'd break up with her. It hurt u that he expressed an opinion he had? Which is a very normal and healthy opinion. You should be able to cancel if ur not up for it. U 100% are being to demanding.","Unless there was some kind of plan with unrefundable tickets or reservations, I honestly don’t understand why you’d be so upset about canceling a hangout where there was nothing planned. Especially when it’s not happening frequently.

Self care is important and if he’s tired and just wants to stay home, that makes sense to me. 🤷‍♀️

How often are these sleepovers? How far of a drive is it? What are the expectations when you have one? 

I dunno, when I (45F) was dating my partner and we didn’t live together, we usually got together 1-2 times a week and they were always sleepovers and usually at his house which was a 30 min drive for me. Sometimes after a long day at work with an early morning start, I just didn’t feel like it. Not that I didn’t want to see him but I needed the rest more.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
267,"I (F 22)have been with my partner (M 22)for almost 4 years now. Generally we are really happy and have overcome a lot of difficult barriers to get to where we are today. However we have recently realised that our life goals do not align with each other. 
My partner works really hard as he has to financially support his family (him being the main provider) which means he normally works all day. Because of this I only ever see him once a week and really also only call once or twice a week. While I would like more I've accepted that this is his schedule. He also always goes away on work trips for weeks on end which I've had to get used to. It's especially tough right now because I want a lot more out of the relationship than I get but I can understand that he needs to work this hard and he does have these great career opportunities that I would never want to hold him back on. 
But the main issue is that he wants to keep working this hard, even harder, partly to support his future and his family, but also partly because it's his career goal to become extremely successful with his own company and retire early when he can finally relax. As hard as it is not being with him much I want to support his career journey, but I also do feel like by the time we aim to get married, I want him to settle down, work more normal hours and just be able to actually spend evenings with him literally just doing things like cooking dinner together or having games nights. But with his career goals this is unlikely as he probably won't be able to reach this stage until mid/late 30s. I know that that is his dream, but I also don't want to be alone in the marriage. I know he says he'll try his best to give me time but realistically with what I'm experiencing now in the relationship I don't think is realistic.
I just wanted to write this to explain my thoughts and see if anyone who's gone through similar situations has any advice on what to do. I don't want to break up with him as he is a big part of my life but I worry I am going to end up resenting him by not prioritizing time with me. I can't tell if I need to let go more and be more supportive or if what I'm asking is reasonable.",Sounds like you already know it’s over. You want different futures.,Do you have a better option?,Commentator's opinion,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
361,"
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year, and was friends with her for a couple years before that too. Things have been generally very good until recently. When she asked me if I watch porn, my answer was yes. There was never any boundary set where either of us couldn't watch porn in our relationship, but she doesn't and assumed I didn't either. She was very hurt by my answer and said it made her feel like she wasn't good enough, but I really just use porn casually once or twice a week. It's not about comparing her to any other women from my perspective, but I also understand her point of view. I feel really bad about saying this but the weight she has put on since we started dating has really made me much less attracted to her, but I only noticed that once she threatened to break up with me unless I stopped watching porn. Everything was fine until then, when she didn't know I was watching porn I was completely satisfied sexually and she wasn't hurt. In all other ways she is very good to me and we really get along. She has a great sense of humor and is great to be around, but I feel that my physical attraction to her might just not be there anymore. I feel like a total pig actually saying this but also attraction is one of the basic foundations of a relationship. I'm not happy where we are right now and something needs to change or there's no point in commiting any further. Do I have to confront her about her weight? I don't think it's right to make her change just because of me, because she is who she is and we just might not be the right match. Just writing this has made everything much clearer, but what do you even say to someone in this situation? I don't want to hurt her. ",How do you just notice her weight and loose attraction when you have to stop watching porn? If you’re not attracted to someone you just tell them. But you made a mess of the situation by “suddenly” realizing your lack of attraction when she found out you watch porn.,"2 things here 
1) Ask her if she’s ok. Yes people’s bodies change but there might also be some other factors you don’t know about. 
2) Look at your last 4 sentences. Do you confront her, make her change, say to someone. When people type these things their word choices can reveal things about them. You’ve singled this out to it her problem, but is it? 

In your own words you noticed she had put on weight but it didn’t hit you until she created a boundary that you don’t like, stop watching porn. Now it’s an issue you are thinking about confronting her about. If you don’t want to hurt her break things off tell her “I don’t see this going any further and we both deserve better.” It will hurt at first but it’s much better than saying “you put on weight and I’m not into that”.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
170,"I recently ghosted a guy online because he didn’t look how I imagined him to be, and I feel worried saying this. What do yall think?","You should just tell him. Sure, no one wants to hear that but it's better than ghosting IMO. like you could simply say ""hey, sorry but I just don't think this is going to work in the long run. You're a cool guy but physically, you're not what I'm looking for."" good luck","Ghosting is a shitty thing to do. If you're going to date, act like an adult and communicate. 

That being said, not liking the way someone looks is a valid reason to stop seeing them.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
380,"

So basically, I (16M) just got a gf, I am super in love and I think its working. When the summer ends and school starts the daughter of my parents’ friends from the other side of the country will come to live with us for the whole school year. She is a year older and I have zero interest, I agreed to this about 8 months ago and I didn’t have a gf. I need to tell my gf asap and I don’t know how and I don’t know if its gonna be a big deal. I might be the issue here but I feel like if a guy that I didn’t know came to live with her for a full year i’d be super uncomfortable. Idk. Need help. I told my parents and they could not care less.
","Honestly i completely understand your concern! but none of this is your fault at all, the best advice i can give you is just be honest to your girlfriend as this is a family friend coming over, not a random girl. Hope it goes well!","There is no special way to deliver the news,  and no way of guaranteeing a positive resolution for you. 




Some things you have to do in romance and life are just tough. ",Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
189,"My gf and I have been seeing each other for about 8 months now, and I she told me from the beginning that she is horrible at decision making. 

Over our time together, there’s been a few occasions where it was easy for her to decide on something, but most often she cannot make a decision for the life of her. I’m not only talking about big life things, but all the way down to little things like what food to order and what to watch on tv. It stresses her out so much she begins to almost panic and have a some anxiety over it. 

It’s not all difficult for me to decide on things so it’s hard for me to relate, but it’s just wildly exhausting at times. Picking between a sandwich and a salad shouldn’t be as tiring as it seems to be.","If she has having panic attacks over simple decisions like food and tv... That's probably above your duty. That seems like therapy and medication kind of spot.

Anyways, outside of that. You may be able to get her somewhere functional with some patience and hand holding.

With time, relationships are going to come with heavier decisions, you need her to stand on her own and contribute. You know how to critically think and make decisions, teach her that process.

My wife can be an overthinker and in constant need of my help for simple things.

I found a patient approach actually gets me somewhere with her.

The first time she asks for help, I demonstrate and explain.

The second time, I monitor and direct where needed, but I expect her to actually attempt it instead of me doing it for her.

By the third, she's got the hang of it and doesn't ask me about it anymore.

Additionally, maybe take a leadership role and simplifying the decisions for her.

For example:

>What do you feel like eating tonight?

Making it a wide decision for her to decide. That's where the trigger comes from.

Go:

>I feel like pizza or tacos tonight.

Narrowing it down. Then, same thing. Remove the open ended question where she has to decide.

>Anything against tacos? No? Okay... Lets have tacos.

That would be a good step 1 to achieve. Step 2, introducing open ended questions where she has to give you input. You're eventually going to need her to get to that spot for the long run. Otherwise you're going to carry the mental load always, relationships need each-others input.",This relationship is not going to work out as your gf needs some help in building herself before she can commit to any type of ship,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
393,"We've been together for 7 months. He is 5'5 and I'm 5'9. I'm eternally grateful to have him in my life and I've never cared about men's height so him being shorter than me doesn't make a difference.

Since the beginning of our relationship two of my close friends have been making rude remarks to me about our height difference. They act super nice to him but once he is gone they start saying things to me like ""You are so much bigger than him!"" (he is literally a bodybuilder), ""Kissing him must be weird'', ""Do you feel embarrassed?"", ""Do you wish he was taller?"", ""You need to be with a tall man, leave him for the shorties"" and so on. I've told them multiple times that I genuinely don't care, that none of those things are true and that I don't feel like I'm making a compromise. But they still think that deep down I suffer in silence because he isn't ""tall enough"".

These comments always feel directed at me and with the intent to make me feel bad for being taller. Yesterday at a party we were playing truth or dare and my friend asked him if he wished I was shorter. He laughed and said no but I still feel bad. This same friend used to have a crush on him before we started dating so I'm sure she isasking out of spite and not curiosity.

I started feeling a bit self-conscious about my height and like my boyfriend wouldn't want to be with me. I know it's stupid to think that way especially since he's always told me I'm perfect and all and isn't insecure about his own height. I told him about how I feel, he was nothing but supportive and said that my friends are just trying to plant the seeds of doubt. He said that it would be best to cut them off entirely from my life. I'm starting to think that he is right.

What do you guys think? How should I proceed from now on?",Tell your friends to cut it.,"Your friends are assholes. You can either call them on their assholery like “why are you body shaming him, why are you body shaming me, he’s more than his height, etc, why are you all more concerned with his height vs how happy I am with him” or look at them like they are daft. 

You know that meme of the little blonde toddler making that “I’m so confused, and I think your stupid” face? Next time they make comments, make that face, and ask if they are ok. That’s it. If they ask what you mean, repeat it. Then either change the subject or get up and leave the room.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
202,"My (30f) BF (30m) of 10 years wants to have sex with someone else. For context, we have bother never dated anyone else and are each other's firsts. This year I have decided to take the plunge and move in with him as I felt like I was finally ready to settle down and this was a very big step for me. My boyfriend has recently told me that he has been having thoughts about having sex with someone else / other people. He said he's been on his mind for a while now and won't go away and he had finally decided to tell me but initially didn't because he was scared of ruining a good thing. He said he loves me and wants to be with me and this it is purely a physical fascination and it'll be once. He also encourages me to do the same but I do not have that desire. This topic briefly came up a few years back but I didn't want to go through with it and we dropped the matter.  When he told me he still wants to explore having sex with someone else I was initially cautious but open to it because I thought I/we were mature enough to do this and that it would be one time but honestly its been an emotional rollercoaster and I am not sure if I can last the relationship. He is currently away on a big trip and we had discussed and decided that this trip is where he will do his 'exploring'. I thought if it were contained in a place far away I would be able to cope better but it's been really hard.  Sometimes I am so upset / angry that I am compromising my values and sometimes I feel okay. I feel like I've finally decided to move in and settle down with him and he has decided he wants to explore which in my mind does not feel like he is committed to me and this relationship. A lot of thoughts in my brain include what if this isn't a one-time thing, what if I resent him forever? He has been my first and only boyfriend and it is terrifying to think of starting all over again when I have finally made the decision to settle down with him. 



This has been something hard to discuss with close friends and I feel like no one has been through anything similar. I'm so conflicted and could really use some advice / other perspectives    ",You guys will need major couples counseling after this.,"If it bothers you so much, that is totally fine, but come on, you shouldnt have ""allowed"" him to do some exploring, if it mentally tears you apart.

How can he guarantee you that its a one time thing? He cant. 

This relationship is over.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
168,"I’m in a long distance relationship for 4 years with my boyfriend. For a year I’m trying to plan to visit him but things keep getting in the way. I’m renting an apartment and a few months ago during a storm something happened to the balconies that couldn’t wait so I’m in the middle of a renovation in my house right now as we speak and I can’t leave. However in the meantime my boyfriend keeps pushing me to come and is setting dates and barely takes no for an answer. We had many arguments about this and I’m always being accused of being a liar despite us video calling and him witnessing all the problems at my apartment. Occasionally he has even broken up with me a few times saying he doesn’t want to wait, but always comes back to me anyway. This adds stress to the situation, and in the meantime I started to have health issues… thinking it was just from the stress I went to the doctor and they did bloodwork and it came back not good. Worst case scenario, I possibly may have cancer and I’m waiting for the hospital to contact me. I’m very scared. When I tell him I feel unsupported and all he cares about is what he wants he says it’s not like he doesn’t care, he just thinks I don’t have it because god wouldn’t do that to us. All day every hour he makes comments saying “that’s why you should come here, I wish you’d come here, when are you buying your tickets, you should really be here, buy tickets” and it’s so draining. Like he doesn’t understand that I’m waiting for a appointment in the hospital and that’s priority right now. It makes me feel so alone, unsupported and not seen. I don’t want to keep defending myself and talk about it all the time and keep explaining myself. What can I do? ",Suggest he visits you instead.,"if he wants to see you that bad then he could take it upon himself to buy tickets to see you!!! you are obviously having a lot of difficulties at the moment and he could just think to himself 'maybe it would cheer her up if I visited her and helped her? ' 

I can say this as me (20m) and my partner (22m) are semi long distance, he is in a bad financial state and is waiting to start his new job, so for the last year I have driven every. single. weekend. to go see him because I understand his situation, and he does as well, saying that he will pay me back for everything (and genuinely means it) 

so comparing our situations, it sounds like your partner is either 1. lazy and doesn't wanna get off his arse to come see you. 

or 

2. doesn't care enough or see a long term possibility for your relationship, and therefore you are best getting out because it seems as if he doesn't wanna put in the effort for you, on top of you needing extra support right now he doesn't wanna give you the bare minimum. 


I hope everything with your health gets better and I wish you the best",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
179,"I've met truly interesting people throughout time. Some i have met recently and i struggle to keep conversations going.   
I answer as soon as i can, interest myself to their hobbies and activities yet... It never seems to be enough. I end up waiting hours to get a few replies and then, it's back to waiting. A short daily exchange, no more.   
Any reason's why that might be?  
",Because you’re meeting the wrong people. It’s as simple as that.,"Texting sucks. Try meeting in real life instead.
Be interesting. But more importantly be interested in the other person. If you ask about another person they will reciprocate and ask about you too. Works for dating, making friends, business partners, colleagues, school",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
310,"I am M 19 and she is F 20. We’ve been friends for just over 2 years now. In the beginning we always met with other friends but this year we started meeting each other one on one. I asked her one time if she wanted to go shopping and she said yes, we’ve been out quite a few times alone and last week we met up to go to the gym together then grab a snack after. Yesterday we went to the movies together. And she makes it clear that she doesn’t go out with other people a lot, but I believe that the things we do, we could just be doing them as friends. She is very introverted and I don’t know what a subtle hint is for her. I like her and I want to tell her but I don’t know how without maybe losing our friendship if she doesn’t like me back, what should be my next move?","Grow a pair and ask her out like a man.

Or wait until a man comes along and takes her away.

Your choice.",[deleted],Hurtful,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
180,"Long story short, bf and I have been together probably over a year and after about 6 or 7 months he started staying at my place 5 days a week, only returning to his twice a week. 

I’ve never asked for his help with any bills or anything like groceries or rent. It would be nice for him to OFFER but his offers never go through. My rent is quite high yet I still pay for most of our outings when I can, and he’ll constantly reference my salary in comparison to his and our “tax brackets”. He also bought a dog and leaves it with me 24/7 as his place is too small. I hate it. I’ve voiced it. 

Two weeks ago I bought an apartment. I told him he can’t come over every day as I need to feel like the place is mine. He followed that with a rude comment about how he can’t date someone who’s always sad about going to visit their grandma in a retirement village (me lately as she has been suffering with dementia). This past weekend, he told me to “shutup” as a joke apparently in the morning when I woke up, told me I’m too lazy to do extra work at the gym (which apparently he knows because we “live” together) and then told me I would’ve been bad at my old job again as a joke apparently. Then kept commenting about my credit rating and my salary. Not sure wtf is going on but I feel like I’m not even able to celebrate this huge achievement of mine or feel like I can be myself without another rude comment coming my way about something. 

Help? ","He’s being a dick to you because you’re thinking it’s something you’ve done, when it’s him just being an asshole. He is showing you who he is, and you’re thinking it’s your fault. It’s not. He’s just an asshole. 

You’ve been together for slightly over a year. So half that time he’s taken advantage of you financially, doesn’t respect you, makes fun of you for feeling justifiably sad, and makes fun of you for your job and salary. 

And it’s all happening because you’re letting it happen. You’re wanting him to change- which he isn’t going to do- instead of you seeing him for who he is.","To start, no more him staying at your place and his dog needs to go to his place.  He is not a teenager, he is a 28 year old man.  Dump him.  Stop paying for anything. Don’t try to make this relationship work.  He is a loser and jealous of you.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
234,"Basically there's a newer coworker at the reception who's very shy and reserved. Barely says anything to anyone, no eye contact whatsoever. She won't even say hello unless you say it first. That type of thing.

I had a basic conversation with her but it wasn't really going anywhere ( could be that she's at work or not comfortable talking at work ). I left her to her own devices since I'm not really getting the vibe that she's interested at all. I'm not a pushy person.

Is it ill advised to just rip off the bandage and ask her if she wants to grab a coffee sometime and if it's a no, just respectfully say "" No hard feelings, totally understand "" and remain polite and professional from that point onwards or should I not even bother?","As the old saying goes, don't shit where you eat",Just keep getting to know her at work. You want some signs of interest before you ask them out.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
182,"I know it hasn't been that long, but the first 5 months of the relationship were amazing. We clicked really well off the start, we took our time and didn't rush things, and things were overall really good. Around 5 months in is when things between us got really serious, and is when I noticed she was acting strange. 

She does this thing where she'll text me ""good morning"", ""hey how are you"", etc., just casual things to check in and start a conversation. I will reply reasonably quick, however, she will leave me on delivered for like 3-4 days. Then she'll finally respond, we'll have a small conversation where she would seem very interested, and finally one of us would set up a date for the weekend. 

After 4 weeks of this she left me on delivered for like a week, even after I double texted her (this was the only time I did it). I finally texted her a third time asking her if everything was alright, because things have felt very off. She said she didn't know, but also felt she wasn't ready for a relationship. We had a quick phone call with no hard feelings and have gone on our way.

Basically my question is why would she text me first, then just leave me on delivered for days at a time? I know none of you can read her mind, or know the exact situation, but this has been confusing the hell out of me. If anyone has a similar situation, or a hunch at what the answer could be, please let me know. thanks

TLDR; After 5 months of a relationship, this girl will text first then leave me on delivered for days at a time. It has been confusing me and I want to know why she did that.",Wait u go days or a week without hearing from ur gf? Bro this doesn't sound like a relationship,"She doesn’t know. How would Reddit know?

Maybe he wasn’t as into you as she wanted? She was doing what she thought was required and second guessing it or attention elsewhere.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
162,if you was asked by your boyfriend/ partner if you think they have a small penis would you say yes if you agreed or disagree not to hurt there feelings ? ,"Relevant bias, I'm a man who thinks the question is absurd. My first impulse is to say something like ""Subjectively, I can tell you that I'm satisfied. If you care about size itself, please clean the ruler when you're done""","You’re asking for trouble if it is small and you answer honestly. I’d answer something along the lines of, ‘I’ve never really thought about it, it’s okay for me’.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
318,"So I've known this girl for almost 2 years now (since September 2022). We were together for 10 months before breaking up, then we got back together again recently, but even throughout the time we were not together, we were practically still together, with us doing everything except making it official. Lately, we don't enjoy talking to each other over phone or over texts. I told her about how I felt, and she said it was the same for her. It's different in person, though, as we both really enjoy our conversations in person. The problem here, though, is that we can't have a decent conversation over texts or on a phone call anymore, and I'm not sure why. At first, I thought that it was because we knew each other for almost 2 years, with us texting every day during that time, but now I am thinking that this is not the case anymore. I love her a lot, and I know I love her because I do not have feelings towards her anymore but I still choose her 100% of the time over any other girl in the world. She says its the same for her but I start to question this because she said that she is not feeling the relationship anymore and that she feels irritated when she texts me or when we talk on a call due to her feeling like there is a double meaning or a hidden intention behind everything I say. She says its not the same in person, however, so I am confused over this. The easy solution would just be to go out more, but we can't go out a lot because she has strict parents and there is some distance between us.  I tried talking to her about this, but she doesn't completely understand her own feelings, and neither do I. On one hand, I don't really think I care, but at the same time, it's eating at me with every passing moment. I watched my favourite football team play today and win their match, but throughout the whole match, this situation was on my mind. I really love this girl, and I put my all into the 2 years we knew each other, but I feel like we may come to an end. I don't usually ask for relationship advice but I really do not know what's next for me to do, so if there is anyone on here that could help, please let me know what I could do to take my next step.","My man, there. Is a double intention. You’re hiding your true feelings and you will never build the trustworthiness it takes to have a loving relationship. You may love her and she may love you but I’m sorry to say that this feels over in the way you describe. I’d love to hear her side here and not from you.","i know it feels so significant rn, but you guys are so young. why not break up and come back if it’s convenient? you’ve done it before (edit bc that’s blunt: if you aren’t in love with someone at 18 that’s normal, go test your options and you might find something for both of you that fits better)",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
292,"My wife and I recently had a son in January, she quit her job a few months before the baby was born and I've been supporting us financially for the past 9 months or so. Quickly after the baby's birth we accumulated and have been bouncing between 500-1000 dollars in credit card debt which I've desperately been trying to pay off, medical bills from a hospital stay she had 1 month after giving birth, and big bills such as new tires and registration for two cars, and house maintenance looming on the horizon.

My birthday is right around Christmas, being that my wife was 8 months pregnant and newly becoming the sole earner in my family I did not expect any big gifts. Both my birthday and Christmas came and went and my wife didn't even do so much as make a handwritten card to give me, I literally received nothing. I let her know I was upset that I didn't receive even a card and through several different discussions and arguments I believed we had worked out our issues. I just recently purchased myself a father's day gift knowing if I want more than a card that I'd have to get it for myself, which is perfectly fine with me. I knew from the start there would be lots of added stress and I would have to make sacrifices to start a family. 

however, last night my wife said her friends are coming into town in August and she wants to get a couple tattoos with them while they are here. Being that just about every cent I make goes to bills and groceries I asked how shed pay for it and she told me she's got a secret stash of money that shed use. I shrugged it off and said okay, because it is her money. But as the hours have passed it's starting to bug me more and more.

 Shes had to of had this money hidden since before she quit her job before December, and I got nothing from her during the holidays and she led me to believe that she had no money to buy gifts with, and she's watched me struggle and fall further and further behind on our bills for the past 6 months. 

Am I wrong for feeling like me and our family are not priority's for her? And if so how do I confront her about this situation?","You’ve been paying the bills for the past six months because you consider it your duty as a husband and a father right? Flipping every dollar to make ends meet. And now you found out that she had a secret stash of money hidden away all along while you were grinding for your family. Throughout the past six months she never mentioned this money, and never offered to pick up a bill or two to lighten your load.

That is wrong in so many ways, you’re definitely not in the wrong for feeling the way you feel man. Seems like your wife has a “what’s yours is ours, but what’s mine is mine” attitude.","I don’t beleive you are wrong for feeling this way at alllllll. I would personally be very upset if I heard abt a secret stash of money, mind you it’s her $$, but why wouldn’t she want to get you something ? It could have been as little as your favorite candy. I would understand that she just had a baby, and she may be going through her own personal crisis… sometimes tattoos are an indicator of that. But I would talk to her abt the situation and ask her why wouldn’t you want to help your own family. Tattoos are something when you have everything paid and your family isn’t struggling.

If she doesn’t respond to talking, you could mention that the bills arent going to get paid and maybe it will wake her up a little? 
Or maybe start putting some of your own funds away, without her knowing so you can do something nice for yourself when she doesn’t feel like doing anything for you. 

Wish I could offer more help… but your feelings are completely valid.",Emotional Support,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
244,"So im a 20 year old guy and i literally never talked to a girl for longer than 5 minutes, unless it was a family member or they were at their job (dentist).


Now i started ""dating"" by using instagram, dating apps and approching in real life but it just doesnt seem to work.

Now you might say i should work on myself but the problem is that im already doing that:
Without sounding arrogant i would say that i have an athletic physique, i dress good, i smell good, my face isnt to bad either and im quiet confident.

Besides money i dont know what else i should change about myself and i dont want to lower my standarts even more.
What should i do?","You say you're confident, but make a post like this doesn't add up.","You are only 20.

I am older and I am also single myself but I mostly choose to stay that way.",Emotional Support,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
232,"My bf and I have been dating for a couple years. He tried to date a girl beforehand who wasn’t sexually compatible so they decided to be platonic friends. I find out that he drove her down the road to see the eclipse together, then they went to his house and laid on the trampoline with pillows and blankets (opposite end of the trampoline, my boyfriend said) talking and looking up at the stars. This girl did not know I even existed though. We met - I think because we had to because our paths were going to emerge - and she casually mentioned the hangout. 


My boyfriend said they were just hanging out as friends, and she was going through a rough time so he was there for her. And they went on the trampoline because he didn’t have chairs outside, and put down blankets because the trampoline was dirty. And he asked me then if he was allowed to have female friends on the trampoline.

He doesn’t really like me bringing it up (I’ve brought it up 2 or 3 times), says that I overthink, and that we talked about it once and that should be good. ",Opposite ends even tho she didn’t know u exist (yeah right),That's literally the love of his life . Girl please be for real.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
335,"How should I tell her? Do you think this is the end if I bring it up now? I feel that I have to bring it up no matter what but how should I go about it?

We have been in a relationship for 1 year and she asked about my degree and I just kind of brushed it off till her friend asked me and I lied. I have stuck to that but try to not bring it up too much. Now I love her and can’t get a good night sleep because of the stress this is causing me. I have so much anxiety about this I am basically stressing all day and night. 

For a bit of background, I went to school but left after a year to take care of an ex with medical problems, it was a mistake but I got a fine job and kept moving up there. The pay was fine and it allowed me to take care of my ex. That relationship ended and I moved one 2 years past and I met my now girlfriend. She is lovely and I am lucky but it hurts every time school is brought up. I don’t know how to break it to her and what to do next. 

I also have been looking for jobs and she is so supportive but I can’t tell her the reason I don’t get the job is because of my degree status. Most of my friends know and they let it slip every so often over the last year but she seems to not notice. I am a fool for not telling her sooner but now I am here and need some advice.

Anyhow this is a throwaway and I really just need some advice on next steps.

TL:DR I fucked up told my GF I have a college degree when I don’t, now I need to tell her, but how?","Listen, it's not the biggest lie ever. Drink a shot of vodka for courage and tell her you need to tell her something. Say the reason why you lied in front of her friend was that you were feeling insecure and were scared of disappointing her or scare her away, but that you're very stressed because you don't like hiding things from her. She will understand.","You’ll just have to tell her and risk losing her. Losing her would be better than holding in the anxiety of the lie. It sucks that her friends and family also have been told the lie, so that’ll be embarrassing. But I don’t think people care as much as you would think. You slipped up and lied about something early in your relationship and it snowballed, pretty common thing. You’re also young so nothing is stopping you from getting that degree if you want to. I would decide in your mind when you’re going to tell her and just follow through. Ex “I’m seeing her tomorrow I am absolutely telling her then no excuses”. Say something like “hey there’s something I need to be honest with you about. I’m really sorry but I lied about having a degree. I’m insecure about not having one which is why I lied, and once I told the lie it felt hard to get out of. Now that we’re in a serious relationship, I’ve realized honesty is required, and I’m telling you this bc I love you and want a future with you. I would understand if a lie of this magnitude makes you reconsider the relationship, and am here for you regardless of what you decide.” Owning up to this will be an opportunity to grow regardless of the outcome. Good luck.",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
219,"My ex and I had an amazing relationship. We were both head over heels for each other. We dated for just under a year but had a serious relationship. We had talked about kids (including names), where we would buy our house, living together, and even a proposal/marriage (including where/when we would be married). 

8 months ago we broke up after living together for a month. She essentially didn’t see me a life partner over some things I did, mainly not fixing her toilet at midnight when I was already asleep, going to bed later then her, and being on my phone at breakfast a few times. I honestly think their was more to it, something deeper either consciously or unconsciously that drove her to break up with me. She wasn’t able to communicate it to me well. When we broke up we both walked away. Nether of us really fought for one another. 

10 days after breaking up with me she started dating her ex from 8 years ago (who cheated on her). They are now in a serious relationship and she’s again talking about marriage, kids, a house with the new boyfriend (they have been together for 6 months). She told me that her current relationship has a lot issues and barriers they are trying to fix. But she has been texting me a lot, probably 400-500 texts between the two of us last week. I don’t know if this is a sign she’s into me, being friendly, or keeping me as a back up. 

The other issue was that her parents were incredibly rude and disrespectful to both my self and my family, which would be a barrier we would have to discuss/talk about.

Any thoughts?","Yeah man, I got you. 

Don't. 

Block her if you need to, and just move the fuck on. She has consistently demonstrated that she's not ready to be in a relationship yet. With anyone, not just you.","Sorry she did that to you man. Let her be miserable with her ex and stay away from her. She made the decision to get back with him and it’s not your job to be the comforting side guy. Right now you are in the worst position as a man. You are the ex-turned-gay best friend 

If I had to guess she is texting you because you actually are a nice dude but she still has attraction for the “toxicity” of her ex, and she is using you solely for comfort and reassurance that she desperately wants from him. If that’s the case she has severe issues. I am sorry man, just move on. Find someone that loves you for you and who isn’t like this.",Practical Advice,Emotional Support,Comment 2,part 3
214,not a lie title sounds as bad as it is 😂 context she came home early i had tank top on and a pair of knickers 🤦‍♂️ realistically is it over between us ? i’m 22 and she’s 25 been together 2 and a half years ,The fictional stories belong in a different subreddit.,"Is she mad because you ruined her knickers or about you wearing women’s clothes at all? If this is a kink for you then you should probably try to explain what about it turns you on. Otherwise, she might be imagining all sorts of incorrect things about why you were wearing her underwear.

If you stretched out her knickers then you should offer to replace them.",Sarcasm,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
272,"I (30F) have been on 2 dates with a guy (32M)  who has an eyebrow piercing. We met on a dating app & the piercing is not visible in any of the pics on his profile (it may be new).

I’m really not into piercings on men & do not match with guys who have them. When he showed up with one on our first date, I immediately thought this was a no but continued the date to not be rude. 

Anyways, we’ve really hit it off and have had 2 6+ hour dates. However, I still can’t see myself dating a guy with a piercing long term (every time I notice it I get an ick). 

Should I just cut things off now since it’s so early or should I continue & maybe ask if he’d be open to removing it if we ever get to the relationship phase? If I cut things off, do I mention the piercing as a reason? If I continue & then ask about him removing it as we start to get more serious, when is the right time to do that?

I’ve never asked a partner to change anything about their appearance and don’t really feel that it’s fair, but this feels more fixable than most things which is why I’m wondering if talking about it makes sense. 

TLDR: Newly dating a man with a piercing (dealbreaker for me). Break things off or ask if he’d be open to removing it?

Edit: Thank you all for the advice! I’ve decided to just break things off with him. I think you all are right that if I was super into him it wouldn’t be an issue. And he deserves someone who is super into him just the way he is",Break it off because if a little piece of metal in his eyebrow bothers you that much then you don't like him. Don't waste his time,Break it off. He isn't your type. You can't ask someone (especially who you just met) to change their appearance or themselves. Lol or ask and see if he just leaves you first.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
213,"Got broken up with after a month and a half of a relationship. It was great and we were having a great time getting to know each other. Then all of a sudden,  He was panicking about the future and was freaking out about the prospect of getting married. I assured him that I wasn’t trying to marry him  or move in with him and that I liked him but that was not on my radar at the moment. He seemed assured at that comment initially but still freaked out about it and ended things.  I never mentioned the future once, but he made me feel like I was trying to put a ring on it. I can’t think of what I could have done for him to act like this. Why would a guy freak out about marriage so early into a relationship?  ","You sound like a stage 5 clinger.  Just kidding.  Who cares, good riddance to the bozo, bullet dodged.",Sounds like maybe he had a lot of pressure from his family. Maybe he is the only one left who hasn’t gotten married yet so he felt pressure from someone,Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
348,"Could a partner ‘innocently’ look at an escort site? After looking up local dating sites....?😮‍💨 I have noticed weird settings on his phone, and he deletes everything!, changes passwords. All red flags that really could go off are going off😣💔...He broke his phone a couple months ago when I called him out on shady behaviour like - longer times in bathroom with phone more than usual, -!cache images that can't be opened!!, -location off!!!! 
When he wakes up and realises im up he scrambls around and asks where his phone is... ?!, not even a good morning...💔 He hasn't gotten a number he says🤔 but why is messaging ""doing work in background"" if he hasn't put a sim in??? MY mind just won't settle down😣..I cant get the searches or the 2 images of 2 VERY similar looking chiks out of my head. 
AITA or being paranoid that he is going to cheat on me and/ or is lying to me.... OR DO I listen to my gut and leave as MOST red flags have gone off💔😮‍💨😣 and patterns are starting to form and I don't want to b stuck in the same cylce as my (EX)Parter 
🙏 Please ANY!!! opinion is GREATLY appreciated 🙏it is DAY 3 with minimal of like 10 hours sleep!!🫠
I just want to understand, get I off my chest and see someones outside prospective,😇","Umm yes he’s curious about how much it cost, what’s available and how he can order. 

How is just curious an excuse? ",Trust your gut and move on quickly.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
216,"I (22F) have been talking to this guy (21M) for about a week and a half. I’ve met up with him twice, our personalities mesh well, we text everyday and he always wishes me a good morning. I asked him on Wednesday if he was free to meet up on Sunday. He said “hell yeah”. So on Saturday I texted him to confirm the plans for Sunday and he said that “something came up” and he ended up hanging out with some of his friends that were leaving for college to take summer classes. While I understand that we only recently just met and I am not a priority, I can’t help but feel upset by this. He ditched me knowing we had made plans, didn’t apologize for the sudden change of plans, and didn’t offer an alternative date to hang out. I’m not sure if I’m being overly sensitive or if my feelings are proportionate to the situation. ",You’re not being overly sensitive. Take it as a sign to not get too attached. Make sure you have your own hobbies and make sure to change plans on him too.,Would be a deal breaker for me - not the changing plans but leaving it until I asked the night before,Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
338,"My ex-boyfriend and I met while I was doing a semester abroad in Europe. He lives there and I live in the US. We met pretty early on in my semester so we were together for about 3 months before I had to go back home. Honestly, it was the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. We talked every single day, and were quite inseparable. However, I expressed early on that I didn’t want to do long distance, which he understood despite our growing feelings for eachother. 

Because I knew I was leaving, I feel like I gaslit myself into believing I didn’t love him as much as I did. He really loved me and wanted to try and make it work, but I was still pretty adamant about splitting up when I got back home. For about a month after I got back we were still talking everyday, and basically still together (neither of us were interested in seeing other people). It wasn’t until a couple weeks ago that I finally actually split from him, and the reasoning was because ever since I’ve been home we’ve been arguing more. Most of our arguments have to do with him being a really jealous person, and getting upset when I’d tell him i’m seeing male friends of mine (basically all of my male friends are gay or in commited relationships, which I have emphasized many times ). So I ended it because I was tired of defending my innocent hangouts, but to be honest it was mainly because I felt like it needed to end anyway, since as I said I never wanted to do long distance. 

Now it’s been about two weeks since we split, and I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel that as more time passes the more I realize I really do love him and it’s hard to let go. Part of me feels like I took the easy way out instead of letting it take it’s course. Now I don’t know what to do, because I already ended it. And even if we got back together, I have no idea how we would move forward. I came here because I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I want to talk to him but I also don’t want to hurt him more or hinder his healing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. ",Think about the consequences of your actions before you carry them out.,"The fact he is jelous and its causig arguments is a good indication you did the right thing. I get hes got insecurities with you away and having a social life etc. But thats one of the issues of a long distance relationship. And there isnt anything he can do about that, so being jelous and causing fights is not healthy. It would have lead to resentment over a few months.

Its gona sting for a bit. But it will fade. The fastest way to have it fade is to delete and block communication. But I doubt your want to do that. but i would refrain from communicating as its like a clock. With no communication the pain lessons, with communication it resets the clock.",Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
369,"I am looking to getting to really fix my dating life. However, the major essence of this is not to be in a committed relationship but to be a fuck boy or a player. I dont have a lot of experience so I want to build that up before actually deciding to commit or get married. Been working on myself constantly for the past year. I moved countries. Got a high paying job and lost weight. I was 120kg but i weigh 95 now. I dont have abs yet but I should probably start seeing them by year end. I was only doing cardio cause I was broke and had no money to pay for a gym but I can now afford to pay for a gym so I am joining one and I am going to be consistent.

However, I dont want to wait till I get abs to really fix my dating. I have only had one gf and not much experience and I am bald and black and I am wondering if its possible to achieve what I want. I am also over 6 feet tool if that helps. I was also thinking getting tattoos and piercings if they would help but the fact I am bald and I cant get those nice black guys haircut or dreads or the black panther villain guy haircut tells me it might be a waste.

How can I genuinely do this. I dont mind dedicating 6 months to a year to achieve this. I am a patient man.","Lmfao what the actual fuck. You need advice on how to be a terrible guy to women? You want people to tell you how to lure women in so you can play them?

This is the lamest post I’ve read so far. Yet you think the problem is being bald and black? 😭😭😭",Getting that fuckboy status will not fulfill any type of happiness.  You'll probably get a std also with the process.  Why not just start up dating when you get the body you're trying to achieve?  A fuckboy is just an asshole with a bad reputation that others will know of later.,Hurtful,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
288,"I (christian) have been in relationship for 26 months with my boyfriend (Muslim). The religion has not been a big problem for us until recently, during the past Ramadan my boyfriend complained of feeling lonely.

We would go to the mosque together for Taraweeh, but I would remain in the car because I am a christian. He said felt lonely and craved the companionship of praying together and being in unison with each other's beliefs.

He also said we should break up because I want to gain financial stability before settling down and he wants to settle down now, and we already decided that once settled down, we would take on traditional roles (stay at home wife, working husband) which I really don't have a problem with.

I have begged him so many times that we shoukd go ahead and be together because I feel like there's no compromise I wouldn't make to be with him but he said it's unfair to me. 
I asked him to wait for 18 months so that I can gain financial stability but he said it feels unfair to him.

I really do not want to lose my man because he is my everything and I am more than content with him

I recently said somethings that made him mad at me and he isn't talking to me now i am really hurting because I miss him and I don't want to feel abandoned again","NO, OP.. you're correct. 

Do you want to attain financial stability beforehamd which is understandable. 

This doesn't even have to do anything with religion, it's common sense! 

With the high rate of divorce of today's modern world, yeah, you don't want to be left on the street with no career and no income. 

He can't wait 18 months?  Does it necessarily have to take you 18 months to get this?","Many many red flags.  You are way too different.  It was fun for a time, now it’s time to move on.  1. Not aligned on finances. 2. Not aligned on religion. 3. One person rushing to lock the other down.   Hmmmm, I wonder what the future holds for you if you get married…..   I know its hard because you are in the think of this situation and emotional.  Outsiders perspective, leave now, be respectful but it’s time to move on.",Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
205,"My fiancé and I are currently on vacation together with our 10 month old and I need some clarification. 

We were getting back in the car after a walk and I asked for my water, he gave me a water bottle and I took a swing out of it. He then realized that was his, but before giving me mine to me he said he needed to make it half and half so he took a swing out of my water before giving it to me. I was in shock. But this behavior is normal coming from him. 

Is this normal? 
He said he grew up in a way that his parents always did half and half with his sister. 
He wants half and half with everything, and I just think that doesn’t work in a relationship. 

Any advice? Do I need to be more open minded to how he grew up or will this never work and I need to ask him to change his perspective of things? 

","That’s….bizarre. 

I mean, it’s common behavior for young children to want everything to be equal and fair. I can recall my mom lining up 3 glasses to pour juice in and we kids would be there making sure it was equal. But he is 32 FFS not 5.","There's a difference between sharing relationship responsibilities and being petty and childish. 

If a man sees his partner is thirsty and instead of thinking, ""Let me get her water, so she feels better,"" and instead thinks, ""I can't share my water with her. It would be unfair to allow her to have more to drink than I have,"" that is an emotionally immature, selfish, cruel human being who is incapable of basic human decency and empathy.

Be very cognizant of the lessons this man is going to teach your child. 

I would not pursue marriage until there was serious, intense couples counseling.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
201,"I’ve (27f) been seeing this guy (28m) since October 2023. We’ve been dating for a while now, but whenever I bring up the idea of being boyfriend and girlfriend, he seems really hesitant. I was OK with it at first because I thought he would come around but now it’s very apparent that he probably will never. I want to tell him in person that I don’t want to see him anymore, but he is a New York for the next couple of days. He invited me to come up, which is really tempting but because he seems hesitant to commitment I kind of don’t want to spend any more time together. Should I wait for him to return or should I FaceTime or text him that I don’t want to see him anymore before he gets back?","Just text him, keep it short and sweet. He had since October to figure out what he wants and that's a pretty long time so","Are you exclusive? If yes, do you really need to put on a label as bf/gf?",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
197,"Hi, 

So I am really curious, if u have commitment issues, what is it exactly that you are afraid of? What is the fear? 
I would like to understand more about it! ","I honestly don’t know. I tried dating couple of people. But at this point of my life I’m afraid of being the high effort guy for bare minimum. I see a lot of couples in my life where the girls/wife’s do a lot for the relationships: initiative affection, calls, kisses, organize events and so on. And the guys do 1/10th of effort at best while still acting entitled . I was used to getting so little of this while breaking my back for my partners that at this point I promised myself to never do it again. The moment I feel like the date or the relationship is effort I want out, and right now it is really easy for me to feel it.","Commiting everything to someone to have them do what my ex did and leave overnight for no reason without warning. Lost my home my business premises loads of cash and broke my heart. My head stops me committing in a practical sense as I don't want the same problems, my heart stops me as I don't want more trauma. 

I'd say everyone will commit once until they've been burned, after that you've got to earn their trust.",Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3
370,"We have been dating for a year. I went to visit him last week before he moved back to his parents’ house from college. He was affectionate and gave me advice on an argument I had with my family. 

Then he didn’t respond for days and I panicked because I thought he was depressed and blocking me out or mad at me. He later told me his phone was acting up and he didn’t receive my messages. What’s more, he made a new instagram account and was posting there and adding people while he wasn’t in contact with me. It left a bad taste in my mouth because I thought he was ghosting me and he always told me how much he hated people showing off on social media. He explained that he just wanted to share his hobbies and life with others. 

I expected things to go back to normal after that. But since he moved back a few days ago, he’s been even worse at responding. One word responses without the pet names, emotes or punctuation he usually uses. I told him he sounded cold and asked if he could tell me he missed me and loved me like usual (because he wasn’t saying it back) and he barely responded and said he’s been out of it recently. It feels like I’m pulling teeth talking to him, and yet he’s more active on all his social media platforms than ever.

Maybe he just needs time to recharge, so should I just stop bothering him with texts for a bit? It upset me because if I’m active online but wanting to work on something I’ll tell him “hey, i’m going to work on this” instead of replying one word and leaving him hanging. I would like to think he’s just going through it or busy and overwhelmed right now, but any text conversation with him (can’t get him to call for the life of me) reinforces his reluctance to express any affection. I wish he would open up to me like he said he could if he is stressed out or something. Right now it just seems like everything I say is bothering him. 



","It seems like he's trying to step back from the relationship and ""quiet quit"" you. I suggest you call him, not text, or go see him.  Talk to him.  Find out what's going on and if he still wants to be with you because he's wasting your time. You can do better.","Time to take a step back and stop reaching out to him. The more you try to engage him, the more he's going to distance himself. He knows how to reach you if he wants to invest himself in the relationship. You want someone who wants to invest themselves in you and the relationship. He's not showing he is. Time to move on",Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
215,"So I just went on a date with this girl who was really nice and friendly, but I didn’t really feel a romantic interest in them kind of a friendship feeling? Not sure if it’s because of the date location being a theme park or if it’s how I feel. 

She’s transferring colleges to another state later this year so I also almost don’t see the point in trying to get to know her if she’s leaving? Am I wrong for thinking that? 

Idk what to do, she’s really nice and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also am not sure if going out again is a good idea?","Are you looking for a “spark” to feel some kind of rush or fill some kind of void in yourself?  It can be challenging to find good genuine people, she seems to be one. There is no harm in going on a 2nd date if you generally enjoyed her company. Maybe she felt a friend vibe too and it will be just that. Sometimes first dates are awkward. If it’s an absolute “no” for you then it’s probably best to let her know you aren’t interested in seeing her again.",Just be honest with her and say that you didn’t really feel the connection and/or that you made up your mind that you don’t want to start anything with her because she is moving away. If you don’t tell her now it’ll just be a more uncomfortable conversation later down the road.,Commentator's opinion,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
175,"So my fiancé (31M) and I (28F) are getting married abroad after nearly 4 years together. His psycho ex (34F) is known for harassing her ex’s, befriending their baby mumma’s and making false accusations to police. My fiancé has a child with her so sadly we have to deal with her tapped behaviours for many years.

The latest move she has made is to book to stay just minutes away from where we are having our destination wedding. She manipulates my stepson (8M) (the child she shares with my fiancé) and squeezes information out of him. The latest she has extracted from him is the exact place we are staying and where we are having our wedding abroad. Due to him coming with us she had to be informed of the dates we are taking him out of the country.

I hate the thought of going around the town and bumping into her, or my stepson requesting to spend time with her when we are away on our holiday for mine and his dad’s wedding. Even more so, I hate the fact she could turn up at the address we are staying at to try to put a dampener on what should be such a special occasion that we have waited so long for.

Honestly it makes me feel sick and really makes me think of what my future looks like if these are the lengths she will go to.

Just to add we are unable to change the location now due to non refundable deposits.

What would you do in this situation? I feel so sad about it and would be so grateful of any tips of how to deal with this situation.",I would tell security (if you have them at your wedding) to not allow her in.,What does your fiancé say about her behavior?,Practical Advice,Not Relevant,Comment 1,part 3
166,"I've been with this girl for about a month. She kissed another man and said it was a dare that she had to do. She then added that its not okay if i did the same, and that if I did she would be really mad at me and she would do something. This double standard is making me wonder whether this relationship is worth it in the long run. What should I do? Should I step out early or stay?","Break up. Double standard, my ass.",">said it was a dare that she had to do.

She's not mature enough to be in a relationship yet, nevermind the cheating or double standard.",Practical Advice,Commentator's opinion,Comment 2,part 3
305,"Yes I was dumb and let myself talked into the “pull out” method yet still I got anxious and took the plan B after which made me feel terrible, but little does he know cause he just ghosted me after one month dating. I don’t even find the words for myself. I should have known better but I guess I was just craving that affection and thought this one really likes me.


(I’m not scared that I’m actually pregnant as I was not even in my fertile window and my circle is pretty accurate and he did not c*m inside me but still I wanted to make the risk as little as possible) ","Dont let a guy hit raw if yall arent even together , we have more to lose than they do. He didnt even spot you the plan b


Dont feel dumb , use this as a learning experience and move on.",Please use protection in the early stages of dating. Pregnancy and stds are not light matters.,Practical Advice,Practical Advice,Comment 2,part 3
344,"My gf wants me to baby her, so i was kindly touching her hair, sweet kissing her, and keeping her between my arms. 

So what is the best way for you to be babied?","Physical touch is my #1 love language. Gentle touches in any form while going about mundane activities make me feel weak in the knees. A subtle hand hold or playing with my fingers. Super soft strokes of my arm or leg. Hugs from behind. A quick kiss on the cheek. Cheeky tap on the butt while passing by.

I can totally lose my train of thought in the middle of a sentence if I am gently and subtly touched in a sweet way. I love the more overtly sexual touches too, but the corny shit is what gets me.",Forehead kisses and being held.,Commentator's opinion,Commentator's opinion,Comment 1,part 3